Chapter Text
“Today will be different, that day is gone
Little change in the weather, break through the sun
The darker the night, the brighter you burn
And when it comes, you will know
The weight will fall from your bones”
“Knew you’d pass, so fucking proud of you Mick”
Mickey blushed and felt proud too, so what if it was just the GED it was still an achievement and one that most Milkoviches never achieved. He momentarily thought of his dad and how he’d probably call it a waste of time or some pussy bullshit but Mickey felt “normal” or at least more like other people. So yeah, fuck you Terry he thought as he smiled up at his beaming boyfriend.
The past month he had been attending counselling sessions once a week and working hard to ease his anxiety mostly through mindfulness and breathing techniques including yes, yoga. He laughed hard when Ian had suggested it until he realised the red head was serious but then they compromised and decided to just follow a you tube class together at home, well at Ian’s apartment and Mickey was pleasantly surprised.
At first he couldn’t sit still or relax and felt like an idiot much to Ian’s amusement but once he saw how sexy Ian looked on that floor, legs and ass all over the place he figured it might be worth a try, hell even if it was just another form of foreplay. He caught Ian admiring his own ass a few times and playfully scolded Ian for not paying attention in class. But in the end he begrudgingly had to admit that he felt better for it, he felt calmer and physically better too.
They had decided that he should speak to someone other than Ian as he was too personally involved and Mickey eventually found a therapist who wasn’t a total asshole and sure it took a few sessions to open up but he was able to unload and gain an outsiders perspective. He was trying to work on his trust and self-esteem issues while dealing with his lingering guilt but with the help of Ian and the therapist he was slowly coming to terms with what had happened.
His nightmares were a rare occurrence again and when they did occur they were less vivid and scary. He found that he slept better next to Ian and so spent most of his time at his place. Ian had joked that he might as well just move in seen as most of his stuff was there anyway but Mickey was still holding back from making it “official”.
Apart from Ian, he also loved his job which gave him a purpose and a much needed confidence boost. He was now in a position to apply for a course in Business Management which would cover subjects including financial management, accounting, marketing and operational strategy. It would mean he would be able to help Mike so much more in the day to day running of the organisation. Sometimes he still found it hard to believe that this south side piece of trash was living this life.
“I uh got you something” Ian said nervously as he sat across from him in their favourite diner after he had received his results.
“You didn’t have to Ian” he replied affectionately.
“Call it an early birthday present” Ian smirked.
“Mandy told you it was my birthday next week huh” he chuckled.
“Course and you just know she’s gonna want to throw you a big party so at least try to act grateful” Ian laughed and raised his eyebrow at him causing Mickey to flip him off.
With that Ian took out the gift that he had been carrying in a shopping bag, which Mickey had been curious about if he was honest.
“Shit Ian” he exclaimed “it’s beautiful”.
“Was worried you might call it a girly purse or something” Ian joked causing Mickey to laugh and flip him off again.
Mickey looked over the soft leather messenger bag and ran his fingers over the engraved buckle that said “MM”.
“Figured you needed a proper bag now that you’re a student” Ian said causing him to look up.
“Just a community college Ian” he said with a shrug.
“Mick, you’re doing it again” Ian replied while taking his hand in his.
It was something he was still working on, taking compliments and not diminishing his achievements but it still felt somewhat alien.
“Thank you” he said simply as he reached over and kissed Ian briefly.
----
“Nice purse man” Nate teased the following day as he walked up to the shelter.
“Yeah, fuck you” Mickey replied with a playful smirk.
“Buying you engraved shit already, must be serious” Celeste chimed in with another teasing remark.
“Hardly a fucking engagement ring is it” Mickey replied and instantly he blushed at the realisation of what he had just said “Why are you two standing outside anyway”
“Locked” Nate shrugged.
“What Mike’s not opened up yet” Mickey asked, while trying the doors.
“Nope, guess not” Nate replied while going back to play with his phone, clearly not bothered by the unusual situation.
Mickey took out his phone and tried Mike’s number but it went to voicemail. He then remembered that he had Zak’s number on an old email regarding the rosters and scrolled until he found it. He was about to hang up when it answered and he heard a quiet voice say hello.
“Uh Zak, its Mickey, just looking for your dad……wait….what….he’s ok though…..”
Mickey almost dropped his phone and felt his legs turn to jelly while he slid down onto the ground.
“Mickey, what’s wrong” Celeste asked while Nate looked up from his phone.
“Mike….fuck…..” he shook his head and closed his eyes, almost as if he was hoping that when he opened them again he would wake up next to Ian and this was all just another nightmare.
“Mickey” Nate said softly as he knelt down next to him.
“He was shot last night” he mumbled, still feeling in shock.
“So is he in hospital” Celeste asked with a worried look on her face “he’s alright Mickey…. right”
He started crying and couldn’t even say the words out loud.
“Mickey he’s ok, right” Nate repeated the words of his friend and Mickey just shook his head while he covered his eyes.
A moment later Mickey remembered the dogs and stood up suddenly, his brain feeling overloaded again, this time with the need to protect the dogs that Mike loved so much.
“Gotta get in” he muttered to himself as he tried to break down the door, while still wiping his eyes.
“Mickey stop” Nate said as he placed a hand on his shoulder which he just brushed off.
“Mickey this isn’t the way” Celeste pleaded “my brothers a locksmith, I’ll get this sorted today, why don’t you call Ian and go home for a bit”.
“Mike trusted me, I need to look after them” he whispered while seemingly giving up on his quest to break into the building.
“And we will, I can get this fixed in an hour, 2 tops, they’ll be ok and we can look after the place ‘til we find out what’s going on ok” Celeste said firmly but calmly.
He simply nodded and started walking away, ignoring the 2 voices behind him asking if he was ok.
He wasn’t ok, not remotely and although part of his brain was urging him to call Ian he just wanted to be alone.
----
Mickey sat on the cold concrete ground with the almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels pushed against his lips while ignoring the buzzing on his phone. He had swiped it along with a Glock from Iggy’s room before his feet somehow stumbled there way here. He finished the bottle and threw it roughly at the area where it had happened, where Jamie had looked at him with those scared and confused eyes, pleading with him for help that he already knew wasn’t coming.
He wasn’t really sure why he ended up here but he supposed it was a good a place as any to drown his sorrows and contemplate if life was even worth it. I mean what was the point, he thought, when good people who are just trying to make a difference in the world don’t get shit. He fired off another round wildly while laughing dryly to himself and muttering about Terry and Ian and Mike, until he heard footsteps coming up the broken down steps.
“Should have known you’d find me Red, always waiting to swoop in and be the hero huh”
“Mandy remembered you used to come here as a kid, figured it was worth checking out” Ian replied evenly.
“Came here with Jamie too but I guess you know that too huh” he mumbled.
“So I guess this place means a lot to you” Ian said as he continued to keep his distance and Mickey saw him glance anxiously at the gun.
“You scared of this” Mickey laughed while waving the gun “think I’m gonna shoot you or something, don’t worry your freckled face, only person I’d use this on is me”.
“Can I sit beside you” Ian asked calmly, catching him off guard.
“Don’t give a shit what you do Red” he said as he thumbed his lip.
He felt Ian brush up against him as he sat down on the ground next to him but he was clearly keeping his hands to himself.
“Celeste called me, she had my number from before, told me what happened, I’m so sorry Mick”.
“Why do people say that shit huh, what you got to be sorry for, you’re not the asshole who shot him are you”
“You’re right Mick” Ian replied once again catching him off guard. He knew he was being a dick and Ian wasn’t willing to bite this time apparently.
“I found out what happened” Ian said softly while turning his eyes to him “if you want to know”.
Mickey looked away and just shrugged his shoulders.
“He found out Zak was hanging out with this gang, the ones you heard about before I guess. Mike went to confront one of the guys, the leader or whatever, warn him off and they got into it and the guy shot him twice, in the chest”.
“Fuck” he exhaled and he felt Ian’s hand on his but he didn’t want it, he wasn’t ready for that. He was too consumed with rage and frustration and pain.
He stood up and put some distance between them but Ian stood up too.
“Mick, please just come home with me, let me take care of you” Ian pleaded and Mickey laughed a sarcastic sort of bitter laugh.
“Why should I get to go home huh, what have I ever done to deserve to be still here, I’m no better than Mike, he doesn’t get to go home, to his son, Ian” he shouted now, feeling like he needed to unleash something from deep inside.
“You think this is what Mike would want for you, waving a gun around like a drunken asshole, having a pity party in his honour, is that respecting his memory Mick”.
He knew he had pushed Ian’s buttons and he was getting angry but anger is one emotion he could deal with.
“Guess you have an answer for everything Red” he muttered, annoyed that he couldn’t think of a better response in that moment.
“Or maybe I just have better answers Mick, better than this bullshit you’re pulling again”.
“Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, I didn’t ask you to come rescue me Ian”.
“You know what fine, I’m done”.
“The fuck is that supposed to mean” Mickey said, his voice sounding high and angry.
“You don’t need any help from anyone apparently so I’ll leave you to whatever this is, what you planning on doing with that gun huh, you gonna play another round of Russian roulette” Ian laughed dryly as he started making his way back over towards him and invaded his personal space, his green eyes looking bigger than he had ever seen them be “you don’t have the balls, you didn’t before and you don’t now” Ian said as he poked him in the chest.
Mickey stood there open mouthed at Ian, a part of him wanted to punch his lights out and another part was suitably impressed. He was so used to Ian being sensitive and measured in his words that this outburst really threw him of kilter. However there was also that dark part of him wanted to push him even further and almost prove him wrong.
“Don’t have the balls huh, fuck you asshole” he said as he raised the gun up to his head and smirked at Ian in a challenging manner.
He watched as Ian’s face fell and a look of panic took over which in Mickey’s drunken and overwhelmed state almost made him feel smug until he realised what he was doing. He saw tears well up in Ian’s eyes as he held his hands up as if pleading with him.
“Please Mick just give me the gun, you don’t want this”.
“How do you know what I want huh. You’re not my keeper” he replied sharply, still feeling petty and defensive.
“You don’t want to hurt me and what you’re doing right now is hurting me”.
Ian’s words ripped a hole in his heart and he found his hand stilling before lowering slightly. He felt Ian reach for the gun but his finger was still on the trigger and in their heightened state of emotion the gun went off.
“Fuck, fuck uh” Ian shouted as he held his lower leg.
“Jesus Christ Ian, did I just fucking shoot you” Mickey exclaimed while kneeling down next to him.
“Told you I’d take a bullet for you Mick” Ian laughed while he winced in pain.
“Oh my god Ian, I’m so fucking sorry” he sobbed.
“Shit Mick it’s just a flesh wound look” Ian said as he pulled up his pants “ricochet”.
With that Mickey sat on the ground with his head in his hands and let it all out. One of his only friends was gone, he had shot the man he loved, he was still clearly a mess and he felt truly and utterly lost.
“Hey, cmere” Ian said as he pulled him into his chest and wrapped his arms around him “let it out, I got you Mick”.
----
“I really am sorry Ian” Mick said for the 100th time as he cleaned up Ian’s wound back at his place. Thankfully Ian was right and it wasn’t a serious injury that needed medical treatment, as neither man wanted any doctors asking questions about a gunshot wound.
“It’s fine Mick, just glad you’re ok” he smiled before taking his hands in his and locking eyes, a serious look on his face “I’m sorry too Mick”.
“You’ve nothing to be sorry about” he mumbled as he finished bandaging Ian’s leg.
“I do though Mick, I’ve let you down, both as a counsellor and a partner” Ian looked sad and anxious and looked down before continuing “I just think I lost my way as both or got confused and I pushed you too much when I shouldn’t have, I crossed boundaries that I shouldn’t have, I don’t know how to reconcile them both”.
“What are you saying” he replied, a feeling of panic sweeping over him.
“I just, fuck, I feel like some of this shit is my fault, I was too busy being your selfish boyfriend that I forgot to help you, I mean I wasn’t being objective you know, I was just letting my own feelings get in the way of what you needed”.
“Maybe you’re what I needed Ian, all of you and you said it before you can’t fix me, I need to help myself too, can’t be all down to you” he said softly as he pulled Ian’s face up and reached down to kiss him “you know me better than anyone Ian, you haven’t said or done anything wrong, in fact you always seem to know exactly what to say or do, you fucking get me. Besides I have a therapist so maybe you just concentrate on the boyfriend part from now on huh”
Ian smirked and pulled Mickey towards him by the hips “is that your fancy way of saying I suck at being your therapist”.
“Nah but maybe I just prefer my boyfriend to do the sucking” Mickey chuckled while straddling Ian who was still seated on the toilet.
“Touché” Ian giggled while squeezing his ass gently.
“I’m guessing you can still fuck with that leg Red”
“Nothing wrong with my cock Mick” Ian murmured while he placed Mickey’s hand on his cock.
“So why the fuck are we still chit chatting in this bathroom then”.
The two men clashed their mouths together as they stumbled back into the bedroom, ridding themselves of their clothes in record time. Mickey felt almost touch starved and despite the events of the last 24 hours he felt surprisingly content and closer to Ian than ever. It was as though they had reached some sort of next level status in their relationship and had a deeper connection or understanding of each other.
Mickey was being tortured by Ian, in the best possible way though. Ian knew that Mickey preferred a fast and hard fuck but he had decided to take things almost painfully slow tonight and was exploring his body as if it were their first time in bed together. For once though Mickey wasn’t going to grumble or say something smart to show his impatience, no, he was going to savour every bit of Ian’s body worshipping.
“Holy shit” Mickey exclaimed as Ian buried his mouth and tongue in his ass. He was alternating between his mouth and hands and it was driving him insane. Ian was kissing very part of him, his thighs, his stomach and then back up to his nipples.
“Fucking love you” Ian growled against his skin and Mickey moaned, his cock jumping in the process.
Ian hastily applied lube to himself before pushing his way inside and burying his hard cock fully in Mickey.
“Christ Ian” he moaned as Ian started to move in and out, so slow he was barely moving.
“You like that, feeling every inch of me baby” Ian purred in his ear and Mickey preened at his new nickname.
“Fuck yeah, love feeling this full” he groaned before Ian started moving faster and harder now.
Ian gripped his hips tighter and threw one of his legs up on his shoulder while angling his hips, hitting that sweet spot.
Mickey reached down to touch himself but Ian swatted his hand away.
“No, you’re gonna come just from me Mick”.
For a moment Ian stilled his hips and leaned down and engulfed his cock in his mouth, taking his breath away at the unexpected move.
“Oh fucking shit…shit” he panted as Ian sucked him off deeply before going back to pumping in and out of him.
Ian then pulled him up so he was sitting in his lap and they clashed their mouths together while their bodies met each other’s aggressively.
“Fuck Mick you’re so hot like this, fucking made to take my cock” Ian moaned onto his lips and Mickey felt himself almost there.
“Shit Ian gonna…..” he panted as he pressed down harder meeting Ian’s thrusts until he felt himself exploding between their bodies.
A second later he felt Ian pulsing inside him as he grunted and moaned onto Mickey’s mouth.
They stayed like that another minute just kissing messily while holding each other before they felt too sticky and begrudgingly disengaged from each other so they could get cleaned up.
“That shit’s never gonna get old Red” Mickey chuckled as they lay together, he on Ian’s chest while Ian stroked his hair.
“Nope, only gonna get better….and dirtier” Ian chuckled in return.
“Is that so, got anything in mind?”
“So much Mick but you’ll have to wait and see”.
6 MONTHS LATER
“Looks great Ian” Mickey said as he smiled proudly up at his boyfriend.
Ian gave the sign over the door another quick wipe and stood back to admire his new office, his very own office. It had taken some time but he eventually found a building with a decent sized office and reception space available which he could afford to rent. Mickey had of course offered to help him out but Ian insisted on doing everything by himself and Mickey got it. Ian, just like him, had been through so much to get to this point and he needed to see it right through to the end by standing on his own two feet.
However a couple of months previously Mickey had officially moved in with Ian and was sharing the rent and bills so in his own way he was able to help out he figured, all while reaping the benefits. Benefits like getting to wake up every day next to this amazing man or indulging in sex whenever they wanted without the threat of a Milkovich sibling walking in on them.
At first Ozzy wasn’t too happy and Mickey figured he missed the backyard but he and Ian just made it up to him by taking him on extra-long walks and hikes on the weekend. Yes, Mickey and Ian had now become one of those couples, couples who do yoga together and go hiking with their “fur baby”. Ozzy and Clyde even became eventual friends and enjoyed taking over the couch while curled up together.
After Mike’s funeral Mickey was a bit lost for a while. He upped his therapy sessions to twice a week and he had no idea what was going to happen with the shelter which added to his anxiety. That was until Mike’s ex-wife called him one day and asked if they could meet up. Mickey was so nervous and confused while he waited to meet her. She explained how Mike had always talked about Mickey like he was a partner as she handed over the keys and relevant paperwork to him. “He trusted you Mickey, this is what he would want”. Her words still caused his heart to swell even now.
It wasn’t as straightforward as that of course, there were lots of hoops to jump through and red tape to cut through but in the end he was able to take over the lease and became the new boss as such. He was anxious about what Nate and Celeste would think but of course Nate just made a sexual joke and he knew everything would be fine. Zak still came in from time to time but Mickey understood it was hard for him to be there. Mickey had made a mental note at the funeral to look out for the kid and so he had made sure to keep in regular touch with him.
Mickey was as busy as ever and had seriously underappreciated how much work Mike had done on a daily basis. It was a never ending cycle of dogs coming and going, never mind the business side of things like the constant need for fundraising and being up to date with taxes or licenses.
But he had help from Ian and family members, on both sides. Mandy had taken over the website and merchandise while Lip had helped out from time to time with tax and legal shit, seen as he had a good head for these things. Hell even Iggy helped out by volunteering a couple of days a week, saying he felt “chill” there but Mickey thinks that was just the weed talking.
Mickey reluctantly had retained the contract with the clinic and still brought the dogs in once a week for the therapy class and while the sight of Ned still made him a little bit queasy he wasn’t the worst guy in the world and he had helped Ian out so he swallowed his pride and sucked it up. Mickey had even started up a new programme where he brought the dogs into juvenile detention centres and so far he was feeling pretty damn good about it. It was his way of giving back he figured and he was just trying to help kids that were growing up similarly to the way he had.
The only downside was with both him and Ian being so busy lately they had been spending less time together and usually at night they were both so tired they just passed out in bed. He had hoped now that Ian was up and running finally and with things at the shelter settling down that this would change and they could get back to the way they used to be.
“I like the look of that desk” Mickey smirked as he came back to reality.
“Yeah, I think it looks real sturdy Mick” Ian chuckled while patting it seductively; well he thought it looked sexy but Mickey just thought he looked like a goofy mother fucker.
“Only one way to find out Red” he said with a raise of his eyebrow.
“Is that so Mick, well lock that door and cmere so we can christen this bitch”
“Oh and just so you know Ian this doesn’t mean I’m gonna start calling you boss daddy or some shit” Mickey teased while biting his lip, as he strutted over to the red head.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that Mick”