Chapter Text
"Your chakra signature has changed again," Otsura claims after spending some time doing all sorts of chakra diagnostic procedures.
"How is it looking now? Is it getting better or worse? Don't say worse, please," Satoshi asks.
Otsura finally stops channeling their chakra through the boy's body, steps away a bit and signals to him that he can put the eye cover back on, which he did half-heartedly. "It looks like it finally starts to adapt to the need of your dojutsu eye. It's less rigid, more malleable so to speak. But it has yet to settle, so it might still feel unstable to use. But I would assume you won't have to feel as much pain as before."
Satoshi smiles widely. "That's great then—"
Otsura cuts him off. "You're not completely off the hook just yet. This might still bring a whole set of new problems, now that your chakra core is essentially forced to change its shape and form in an unnatural way. Your case has no precedence, so we just have to wait and observe for any changes."
It doesn't remove the smile from Satoshi's face. "Ehh, sure. If you say so. But this is still good for me, right? This means that my body is finally catching up to the ideal state to house the Six Eyes, right?"
Otsura regards him calmly. "I won't say whether it's gonna continue on that trajectory for sure. Like I said, we just have to look out for any shifts, be it an improvement or regression. So you still have to be careful with how you use it."
"Hmm, well. I'm just gonna do what I always do, then. Whatever happens, you can take care of it for me. Right, sensei?"
"You should keep in mind that I'm not omnipotent, kid. So if you break yourself too recklessly, even I may not be able to fix you up. Ah, well, I should just warn Kakashi about this instead of you. Surely more productive and reliable."
"Hey, now. I'm not that bad, you know. I sure as hell can take care of myself just fine. Hmph."
"Right. Sure," Otsura dismisses his claim casually. They sit on the chair again and observes Satoshi. "Say, any reason why it's called rikugan?" they curiously asks.
Satoshi swings his feet back and forth by the side of the bed, answering, "Well, the first users apparently had 6 eyes, like literally. Not sure why it stopped being that way over time, though. There's no recorded history of that for some reason. Good for me, though. Cool power as it is, having 3 pairs of eyes would feel too weird, and it would be too much of a hassle." He then switches the topic again, "By the way, sensei. Other than my chakra core acclimating to my eye, what about my yin and yang? Is it still fluctuating too much?"
Otsura hums. "So it seems. But it's hard to tell with the brief examination just now. While I can tell for sure that your eye is still pulling on your yin energy, creating a non-neutral balance to your yang counterpart, but because your chakra core is currently changing in rapid speed, it will definitely affect how your overall chakra behaves from now on. Again, it's another thing we have to closely watch over time."
"Do you think I can somehow gain some control over it?"
"What do you mean?"
"You see," there's a slightly more excited tilt in his voice just then, as he explains his thought, "Kakashi and I talked about it before, if there's anything we can do about that imbalance. He said since it's our own chakra, and the eye allows us to perceive its components, there could be a way somehow to take care of it. And I think it might not be totally impossible. I did kind of similar method of energy manipulation before, I'm just not yet sure how to do it now that there are two kinds of energy instead of just one, but with only one half of the Six Eyes."
"Explain to me that similar method you used before."
So Satoshi goes on to explain to them, how he had utilized his extreme level of extrasensory perception thanks to the Six Eyes to spend as little of his cursed energy to its most efficient usage, to the point where he could easily say that he practically had infinite amount of energy simply by continuously controling the levels of his innate cursed energy.
By the end of it, Otsura makes a comment, "You know, I can see now why they called you the strongest."
"Come on, sensei. Did you not believe me before?"
"I heard your story, but hearing a claim of that magnitude coming from a brat like you requires some necessary doubt. Anyone can say they're the strongest. But seeing and actually believing is another step entirely."
"So you believe me now, then?"
"I'll only believe it when you prove it. Right now, your theoretical explanation is believable enough for me to start looking at you in a better light. You must have been really smart to figure out such method."
"... Sounds like a backhanded compliment."
"That's because it is. Anyway, about that method you used—"
Clack! It's when the door opens, revealing Kakashi standing before the threshold.
"Oh, welcome back, Kakashi-kun. Come on in. How are you feeling?"
Kakashi then goes in and closes the door carefully behind him. "A bit better, I guess," he mumbles. Once again, Satoshi is confused by his brother's voice; there's very subtle difference to how it carries, but he can't quite figure out why. Before he can ask, though, Kakashi speaks again, "How's Toshi—I mean Satoshi doing, sensei?"
"His condition looks all good. You already know that all his vitals are working properly and there seems to be no lingering damage. However his chakra core is—"
A knock by the door before it opens abruptly, this time revealing a nurse. "Excuse me. Otsura-sensei, you're needed on the emergency unit."
"Triage?"
"2 people on level 2, 1 on level 3."
"On it," they nod readily. They address the 2 Hatake boys quickly, "I'll go for now. Satoshi-kun, I trust you can tell Kakashi of your condition. As of our discussion before, I'll see what I can come up with. Excuse me," before vanishing along with the nurse, leaving only the twins in the room.
Kakashi takes a seat on the vacant chair, asking, "So, what about your chakra core, Toshi? Is it... looking bad?"
The difference in Kakashi's voice keeps itching on his mind, but the question distracts him. He excitedly tells Kakashi, "Oh, oh! Kashi! You're not gonna believe this!"
Then he explains the rest of his conversation with Otsura to Kakashi who remains quiet the entire time. By the end of it, he quips, "Kashi, isn't that exciting? I'm excited!"
But there's no response coming from the younger twin.
"Kashi?"
Only silence greets him back. He knows Kakashi is still there in the room; he can still sense his presence, smell his scent. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well? Should I call a medic?"
"No, no need. I'm fine. I'm just—I don't know. I'm not quite sure myself," Kakashi finally says.
Satoshi tilts his head to the side, then says, "About what?"
There's another silence, this one filled with clear hesitation from Kakashi. So Satoshi urges him, "You know you can tell me anything, right, Kashi?"
"Can I, though?" Kakashi snaps. He regrets it immediately, saying, "Sorry, didn't mean to be that loud."
Satoshi is more confused than ever. Is he still mad about what I said before? So he offers, "Hey, if it's about what I said earlier, I'm sorry, alright? I made you worried a lot, but I—"
"Do you really think it's about that? I mean, you did make me worried to hell and back, but that's not what I'm upset with. I've accepted that long time ago, that you will always make me worried all the damn time. I'm just—ugh, I don't know, maybe I should take another walk outside," Kakashi sighs, clearly frustrated.
Satoshi can't handle it anymore. He needs to know what's going on with his brother. So he leaps from the hospital bed onto the floor, and pulls off the bandages he just haphazardly tied back on earlier. "Kashi, let's tal—huh, why are you wearing a mask?"
There's a face mask now covering Kakashi's lower side of the face; definitely one of adult size since it looks awkwardly too big on his small round face.
Kakashi looks away, his visible eye almost concealed entirely from Satoshi's view. "Nothing. Just, nothing. Don't worry about it," he replies with a mumble.
"Huh. Are you sure? Wait, is your mouth still hurting? That bastard, he grabbed you by the jaw, didn't he? I remember seeing that. Is your bone dislocated, or maybe, it leaves a scar? Wait, I'll call a medic to check you up—"
"Satoshi!" Kakashi calls, voice snapping like a thunderclap, "It's nothing! I said I'm fine!"
Kashi... He never called me by that name before. What's going on with him? Satoshi thinks worriedly. "I'm sorry," he says weakly. "Okay, I believe you," he concedes. He's still not sure that the face mask is just 'nothing'. But it looks like Kakashi wants to drop the topic already. "As long as you're not hurting or in pain, then."
Now that Satoshi's eye is not covered up, he can follow Kakashi's bodily movement, including even the smallest change. He notices when Kakashi's fingers all curled up into fists, with his muscles all tensed up. He still can't see his twin's face, with the overlarge mask and the eye cover over his left eye and him still facing away, but there's a clear giveaway of his neck muscles pulling taut and tight. So he starts, "Hey—"
"But what about you?" Kakashi cuts him off again.
"What... do you mean, Kashi?"
"You said as long as I'm not hurting or in pain. But what about you? Is it alright then if it's you hurting or in pain?"
Satoshi is confused. "What? Kashi, that's not what I'm saying at all—"
"It's not what you said, but that's exactly what you did!" Kakashi's head suddenly snaps back to look straight at Satoshi, his eye looking tired and slightly red. "Maybe you don't remember because you were passing out the whole time and it felt to you like you were just sleeping, but you had acute chakra exhaustion that you only recovered after 2 weeks! Did you also forget that you don't have two eyes anymore? Huh? I know you're happy now that your chakra core seems to be getting better, but you really don't remember what happened back then on that day, do you? You were hysterical because you used so much chakra to do—whatever technique that you were doing, and after you passed out you looked like you were dead! You were bleeding so fucking much, you lost one of your eyes, your chakra almost completely depleted, and you were unconscious and unmoving! Was all that fine to you because it was not me hurting or in pain? What should I feel about it, then? Should I just nod along and be okay with you, hurting and in pain, as long as it's not me? Is that what you really mean?!" Kakashi screams without even stopping to take a breather, and by the end of it he is gasping for air. After a while, he continues to say, with weaker voice that is trembling and at the verge of tears, "How could I be fine with that, Toshi? How?"
There's a deafening silence blanketing the two in that room, and other than Kakashi's ragged breathing, nothing else can be heard.
Satoshi feels like he's suddenly been robbed of his air, yet his heart thumps harder and louder that it echoes all the way to his skull. In his most primal state of mind, all he can tell is that Kashi is very upset. Something inside of him is hurting him. Must fix it, while his more rational side is interpreting the problem only to arrive at the conclusion that It's my fault it's my fault it's my fault—
"Sorry, Kashi," he whispers, his words and breath leaving him almost in a hurry.
"Are you really, though? Tell me exactly what you're sorry for. I'm not even sure if you know."
"I'm—" Kakashi's right, Satoshi realizes as he scrambles to find the reasons. He's operating on panic mode. "I'm sorry for hurting and being in pain?" He lands on, ending the sentence with a question, unsure of himself. He's never seen Kakashi looking and sounding this mad, and it sends shocks to his brain. It just feels like he needs to apologize for something so he can calm his brother down and ease his mind.
"See? I know that you wouldn't know it. Stupid, you're so stupid, Ahotoshi." For the first time ever, Kakashi spits out the usually endearing nickname, typically used during their harmless playful banter, with disappointment and anger that burns this time.
Satoshi bites his lip. He really doesn't know what else it can be that's making his brother so upset at him. He tries to rewind their earlier conversations, trying to detect which part exactly is particularly different this time. He can find none. He only knows that he's always been acting the way he usually is, saying things that is well known to be in character for little Toshi. But he really, really doesn't like to see Kakashi directing this much hostility towards him. It makes his inside feeling like it's been squeezed.
He tries again, carefully asking the younger, "Hey, can you just tell me what it is, then? I don't know what I did wrong, but if you just tell me, I'll make up for it. I promise."
Kakashi scoffs. "And why should I tell you? That doesn't feel fair to me."
Satoshi frowns in confusion. "What?"
Kakashi makes a sound like a small laugh, conveying his disbelief. "Why should I tell you anything, when you don't do the same thing? Am I really that unreliable in your eyes or something? Or is it because you know I'll just disagree with you, and you don't want to bother arguing because it's a waste of time for you? That's it, isn't it? You think telling me will just mean I'll become an obstacle to your progress somehow. Maybe I'm the one who should apologize to you. Sorry for being a fussy little brother, nii-san. My bad, really."
"Wait, what—Kashi, I'm not sure what brought this on. Why are you saying sorry at all? I don't understand. I'm not being mad at you for whatever you did, you know? And I never thought of you as an obstacle—well, maybe sometimes, just a little bit, but it's nothing serious, I swear! I'm just too impatient most of the time, and you looking after me is actually good for me. So it's nothing for you to apologize for, I should be the one thanking you. I'm just—I'm not sure, what do you mean I won't do the same thing? What... thing, exactly?"
"Oh, you know. The very thing that you told me to do," Kakashi glares at him.
Satoshi has to do another rewind of his memory of the prior conversation, and even then he's still very much confused. "You mean when I told you you can tell me anything? Is that it? Are you saying you're upset with me because... I don't tell you stuff?"
Kakashi continues to glare, not saying a word.
"But, Kashi. I've told you everything, no? We had our talk, after Tou-san leaving, I told you everything that day. I'm not sure what you're—"
Kakashi suddenly stands up from his seat, a move that takes Satoshi by surprised. "Then why didn't you tell me you have that technique that didn't just kill two people, it almost even killed you! Did you really forget telling me that, or was that just a necessary lie, to keep me in the dark because, surely, 'Kashi won't allow me to do that ever because I might die from it and I don't care about my own safety as long as Kashi is not hurting or in pain'!"
Before Satoshi can even wrap his head around what Kakashi has just dumped on him, the younger makes a turn as if he's about to leave. So Satoshi's body move by reflex, and grabs Kakashi by the arm. "Wait, Kashi, where you going—"
"Let me go. I'm gonna go train by myself."
"What? Why? Right now? But aren't you still recovering? Shouldn't you rest some mo—"
"I'm fine. I was only unconscious for 3 days. I had plenty of rest. I should start training again. So let go," Kakashi says coldly. His eye is not looking in Satoshi's direction.
"Wait. Then I'll go with you. Let's train together. I just need to—"
Kakashi snaps Satoshi's grip off his arm then, and his dark eye returns to catch Satoshi's blue, both of them carrying frustration of different kinds, one of anger and one of disbelief.
"Is your own life worth so little to you?!"
Satoshi wide eye blinks once, his pupil trembling from shock. Is Kashi... crying?
"Kashi—" he brings up his hand again, wanting to immediately stop the running tears flowing from his brother's eyes, slowly wetting the mask under it.
Kakashi slaps his hand away again. "Answer me."
"Kashi, don't cry—"
"I said answer me, Toshi." Kakashi says, as his tears continue to flow. Satoshi's not even sure if he's aware that he's crying.
"But I don't get it, Kashi. What do you mean by that? I—"
Kakashi is the one stepping forward this time, his hands grabbing and pulling on Satoshi's hospital garb by the collar. "Does it not occur to you that you nearly died?!" His mask is making a shape of being filled with air and sucked back in, and repeat, back and forth and back and forth. The red in his eye looks even worse with the tears swelling over.
Satoshi puts his hands on Kakashi's face, and tries to wipe the tears away. He answers, without giving it much thought, "But I didn't. I'm still here, aren't I?"
A fresh stream flows down his cheeks then, and his eye contains even more hurt, which makes Satoshi's growing confusion intensifies exponentially; he feels like he's on the edge of hysteria himself.
Kakashi then shoves him back, before running out of the room.
"Kashi—!" Satoshi recovers quickly and immediately goes after him. For some reason, he finds himself struggling to keep up (it doesn't occur to him that his body is still incredibly weak after just waking up from a comatose, with no proper food entering his body for half a month; he's moving with no energy, only by sheer will). He stumbles on his feet a few times, but he refuses to look away from Kakashi's small back going further from him.
Kakashi takes a turn to another hallway, hiding him from view, so Satoshi wills his feet to run faster. He even pushes some chakra into his feet purely subconsciously, in a desperate attempt to close the suddenly growing distance between him and his brother.
Just when he's about to take the same turn himself, he slams hard onto someone's bigger than him.
"Oops! Sorry, kid. Didn't see ya—"
But Satoshi doesn't hear the man. Not Kashi, he simply concludes in his head. So he goes to run again, but before he can take as much of 2 more steps—
"Oi, kid! What's wrong with ya!"
—Satoshi is suddenly overwhelmed with a lightheadedness so overpowering, and then he passes out.