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English
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Carry On Countdown 2022
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Published:
2022-11-26
Words:
1,296
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
22
Kudos:
96
Bookmarks:
10
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469

Do you realize??

Summary:

Simon creates a plot to approach the Violinist who plays on his morning commute.

Notes:

For the 2022 Carry On Countdown, Day 2, prompt is “alternate universe.”

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

As the doors slid open, Simon could hear music float out and he felt his heart rate speed up. It was the middle of a song that he didn’t recognize.

He jostled his way onto the train ahead of a crowd of early-morning tourists with selfie sticks at the ready. He headed for his typical seat, but the unexpected crowd meant the train car was bustling; his usual unobstructed view of the violinist was now, in fact, blocked.

He had a moment of painful indecision. There was some space for him to stand much closer to the Violinist, but would it be too obvious if he got up and moved?

(Simon wasn’t sure when, over the course of the past six weeks, he had begun thinking of him as the Violinist, with a capital V, in his mind. But he thought of him that way now, underscored over a list of questions he had about this mystery man. Why did he play the violin on the tube every morning? If he was a busker, why didn’t he ever ask for money and why did he wear such lovely suits? How did he manage to be so graceful on a moving train car? Why was his hair so perfect? Why was he so handsome?)

His indecision lasted only a few seconds. He had already taken a gamble earlier in the week. He might as well see it through.

He stood up abruptly, letting one of the tourists take his seat and shuffling through the crowd until he was standing on the other side of the partion against which the Violinist braced himself. Suddenly, they were much closer than they had ever been. (Simon silently added another question to his list: why does the Violinist smell so good?)

The train started to move and after a minute, the song came to an end. The Violinist paused, for just a moment, and Simon realized three things at the exact same time.

Number 1: The Violinist had never paused before. Usually his songs flowed seamlessly, one to another, over the 20-minute tube ride they shared (Simon now thought of it as a shared ride, although he didn’t know if the Violinist did. But he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he did because…)

Number 2: Simon was now standing at a new spot in the train car, facing the same direction as the Violinist, with the Violinist positioned on his left. Simon had been hoping that he would be able to see the Violinist’s expressions in the reflection of the dark window across the carriage without making it obvious that he was looking at him, but he realized, very suddenly, that while the divider across from him blocked his view of the Violinist’s face, it did allow him the perfect angle to see the reflected face of the tourist, now sitting in Simon’s usual seat. His mind suddenly leaped back to the times that the Violinist never appeared to look at him, but did appear to be gazing steadily in front of him…now he wondered if it was to see if Simon was listening. And Simon was always listening.

Number 3: This was not exactly related, but was so important that it momentarily overshadowed his other two revelations. The Violinist. Was wearing. Jeans. Simon had never seen him wear anything other than the poshest suits he’d ever seen in real life. And now He Was Wearing Jeans. This was unprecedented and Simon hoped it meant something, although he wasn’t sure exactly what.

The Violinist raised his bow and Simon held his breath.

The first notes of Do You Realize?? floated out over the carriage, and Simon thought that he was probably going to join them.

Any second his heart was going to burst out of his body and fly up to the top of the carriage and out into the subway tunnel, and he was going to float along behind it.

He had been wanting to talk to the Violinist for weeks now…maybe since the first day he saw him. But Simon couldn’t be sure the Violinist had even noticed that they rode together every morning. Sometimes he thought maybe his eyes flicked his way, but there was never a break in the music and Simon couldn’t come up with a way to approach him that wouldn’t seem rude or creepy. He needed a plan, which was very much not how he usually operated. Usually, he liked to act first and think later but this felt like it mattered, more than usual, and he wanted to get it right.

He didn’t want this to be a test, exactly, but more like…a question. A way to ask the Violinist if he had as many questions about Simon as Simon had about him.

Simon thought very carefully about it over the weekend and on Monday, wore his Flaming Lips t-shirt with his jacket open so that the name was visible. He had to stuff a jumper in his bag because he couldn’t wear a t-shirt to work, and he was a little cold given the chilly weather, but this felt like a chance worth taking. He wasn’t sure what choosing the Flaming Lips would signify to someone who clearly cared so much about music, but he needed a band whose music he could definitely recognize, no matter the song, and thanks to his mom, he felt confident in that.

The Violinist hadn’t shown any reaction at the time, simply looking down or at the reflecting windows without making eye contact with Simon.

Tuesday passed, and Wednesday. Simon was beginning to wonder if he had been imagining things all this time.

Now it was Friday, and Do You Realize?? was floating through the air, and Simon was floating with it.

He closed his eyes, and he could see his mom in their kitchen, making pancakes as he sat at the island, singing along to him as she cooked.

Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?

He couldn’t stop his grin. His cheeks hurt. He knew he looked ridiculous and he couldn’t risk looking at the Violinist directly. He thought he might explode if he did. He thought he might explode anyway.

After a minute he glanced down at the phone he was supposed to be pretending to look at, the screen dark. He shot off a quick text.

The Flaming Lips ended, and flowed into another song Simon didn’t recognize.  Simon’s stop came and went. He stayed where he was, but the tourists exited. There were more empty seats on the carriage now, but Simon stayed, a small smile on his face.

The song finished. The Violinist lowered his violin and bow and Simon’s heart took off again. He didn’t want to barrel though this moment; he thought this might be a Moment. He took a chance and looked up. Gray eyes met his.

The Violinist spoke first, hesitating. It was the first time Simon had seen him look at all unsure. “You missed your stop.”

It was the slight hesitation that made Simon take the risk. “I called out sick. Do you want to get coffee?”

The Violinist laughed and looked down; his cheeks turned the faintest pink. “Yes. I called out sick too. This morning.”

Simon wondered if anyone had ever felt this light before, like he was filled with helium.  He tried to remain in the moment, keep his feet grounded to the floor, not scare off this beautiful man.  He wanted to fling his arms around him but put his hand out instead. “Simon.”

The Violinist’s cool hand slid into his. His fingertips were calloused and Simon thought he would like to hold his hand and never let it go. “Baz.”

Notes:

I linked the instrumental version of Do You Realize?? In the story but you can also find it here. Let’s ignore that it’s a quartet playing, and thank you, you lovely quartet players from 2011.

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