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Chapter Text

1. Welcome to Polis High

“Alexandria Woods right?”

Lexa glanced up from her newspaper to find brown eyes belonging to a fiery looking latina. It was her first day at Polis high, teaching English and special education. She'd made sure to get there early, perhaps too early considering she was situated in the break room with her second cup of coffee and still had half an hour left before the bell went.

“Right,” She smiled, hoping to make a good first impression, “I'm Lexa and you are?”

“Raven Reyes,” The woman gave her a lopsided grin, sticking out a hand that Lexa readily shook, “I teach chemistry and mechanics.”

“Pleasure to meet you.”

“Did someone say pleasure?” A voice sounded from the doorway.

Lexa looked up and just about passed out. The most beautiful woman she'd ever seen was leaning against the door frame. Lexa's eyes took her in greedily. Up those smooth legs, a dress falling halfway up shapely thighs. A generous swell of hips that she wanted to grab, one cocked against the door frame. A flat but soft looking stomach leading to very generous breasts and a teasing amount of cleavage. A delicate neck. Blonde hair in casual curls around her shoulders. An extremely pretty face with pouty lips, pulled up into a smirk. And sparkling blue eyes, dancing with amusement. Eyes that were looking directly at her, knowing exactly what she'd just been doing.

“I know a thing or two about that,” The blonde teased, a naughty lilt in her tone.

“Coffee?” Raven asked the blonde, not waiting for an answer before turning to the coffee maker and grabbing two cups from the hooks above.

“Who's this?” The blonde nodded towards Lexa. Sauntering over, hips swaying before leaning her elbows on the table in front of Lexa. Giving Lexa an even better look at that cleavage. An intoxicating scent drifting off the blonde and settling low in Lexa's belly.

“Lexa,” Raven supplied, “New teach.”

“Ah,” The blonde pursed her lips, cocking her head to the side, “Aren't you a little too sexy to be a teacher?”

Lexa just about choked on her coffee. She was not expecting that.

“Aren't you just a little too sexy in general?” Lexa fired back. Speaking before thinking. She should not of said that but a sexy smile graced the blondes face and she just about melted.

“Quick mouth,” The blonde mused, “What else can it do?”

“Behave!” Raven scolded, planting a firm smack on the blondes ass.

“Oh come on, Rae,” The blonde mock groaned with her smile still firmly in place, “Let me have some fun.”

“By the size of that hickey on the back of your shoulder, you've had plenty of fun, Clarkey,” The latina teased, poking a spot on the blonde's shoulder that Lexa couldn't see, before tilting her head towards the door and pressing a cup of coffee into the blonde's hands, “Come on, you. Walk me to my class.”

The blonde – Clarkey, apparently – rolled her eyes but sauntered out of the room anyway but not before throwing Lexa a wink.

“Catch you at lunch,” Raven smiled, “Good luck, Lexa.”

“Thanks,” Lexa smiled. Once again left alone only this time there was one thought on her mind. What the fuck just happened?

- - - - - - - - - -

Twenty minutes into her first English class and things were going pretty well until the door swung open, revealing the very same blonde that she'd met in the break room earlier. The blonde was looking guilty as she slipped into the room.

“Clarkey?”

“Um,” The blonde shot her a look somewhere between amused and annoyed, “It's just Clarke. Sorry I'm late.”

She watched the blonde slip into an empty seat next to a boy with floppy hair but not before pressing her lips to his for a short but dirty, open mouthed kiss and causing the other students to let out wolf whistles. And holy fuck, of course this gorgeous blonde was a fucking student. A student she'd flirted with.

“Please wait outside, just Clarke,” Lexa said shortly.

“What? Why?” Clarke frowned. And God, she looked so beautiful when she frowned.

“You're causing disruption in my class, outside please.”

She waited for the blonde to leave before settling the class down and waiting a good five minutes before following. Taking a deep breath before heading outside to confront Clarke.

This was going to be uncomfortable. To say Lexa was dreading it wouldn't be an understatement. This girl was clearly going to cause trouble. Not to mention that Lexa had flirted with the blonde.

But when she stepped out of her classroom it was like a punch to the gut, Clarke was nowhere to be seen.

- - - - - - - - - -

When lunchtime came, Lexa found herself in the cafeteria being waved over by Raven, who was sitting at a table with two other people. Lexa assumed them to be teachers. Making her way to the table, her mind wandered to Clarke, she couldn't see her anywhere and it made her wonder where Clarke ate her lunch. With a group of friends on the field maybe? Or off campus? She shook her head, she shouldn't be thinking about Clarke. She settled into the chair that Raven had kicked out for her, sending polite smiles to the pair she didn't know.

“Guys, this is Lexa,” Raven jerked her thumb towards Lexa, “Lexa, this is Kyle Wick, biology and physics, and Costia DiLaurentis, art and math.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you both,” Lexa said automatically and then pursed her lips, the word 'pleasure' reminding her of a certain blonde.

“Yeah, welcome,” Kyle sent her a charming smile, bowing his head in jest.

“It's good to meet you,” Costia said, giving Lexa a once over with a big smile on her face, “How are you finding it?”

“Uh...” Lexa paused. She wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to lay low here, be more of an observer. It was her first day after all but these guys were the professionals and if they had some advice then it might work out well for her, “It's been good, except...there is this one student. They disturbed class a bit, so I sent them outside but they'd disappeared by the time I went to get them.”

“They just up and left, didn't wait?” Raven's features morphed into surprise, “Ha! That's hilarious! That kid has some nerve, which one was it?”

“I'd rather not say,” Lexa bit her lip, “I just don't want to name and shame if the student was just having an off day or something,” She took a dubious look at Raven but was relieved to find the Latina nodding in understanding, “What would you guys do about it?”

She glanced around the table, receiving a reassuring smile from Costia.

“I usually talk to them, try and understand why they're acting out but if that fails then I send them to the principal's office,” Costia explained, her eyes never leaving Lexa.

“I don't know,” Kyle weighed in, “I just shout at the little fuckers, they fall in line if you're scary enough.”

“Shut up!” Raven shoved his shoulder with a chuckle, “Talking is good but with your student disappearing on you...I think an after school detention is in order.”

“Detention,” Lexa mulled it over, “Maybe that's a good idea.”

“If you need any other advice or just someone to talk to, I'm here,” Costia smiled flirtatiously.

Lexa smiled tightly, giving her a thankful nod.

“Some people are coming over to mine for a little get together tomorrow night,” Raven nudged her, “You should come.”

A genuine smile graced Lexa's lips, she couldn't help but be thankful for just how welcoming Raven Reyes was, “What time?”

“Around six, give me your number so I can text you my address.”

Lexa nodded enthusiastically, grabbing her phone from her pocket. Maybe she'd fit in here after all.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa wasn't sure when she'd see Clarke again to inform her about her detention but when she looked at the roll call of her senior class for special education she noticed 'Clarke Griffin'. She also noticed, with relief, that the floppy haired boy, 'Finn Collins' didn't share that class.

She waited by the door until the students entered, counting on catching the blonde on her way into the room. She saw Clarke on her way down the hallway on the back of another blonde girl and with two brunettes, a girl and a boy, flagging her. She watched Clarke dismount from her piggyback ride and give the others goodbye hugs, except for the brunette girl who she linked arms with.

“A word, Miss Griffin,” Lexa stopped the blonde before she could make it through the door.

Clarke rolled her eyes, nodding to the brunette girl to continue as she paused in front of Lexa. Lexa struggled to school her features, her eyes straying from ample cleavage to full lips until she found the narrowed, blue eyes looking straight through her.

“You've earned yourself a detention,” Lexa licked her lips, “I expect to see you after school.”

Clarke pursed her lips, her eyes scanning Lexa's face and it took everything in Lexa not to squirm. Thankfully the blonde relented, nodding her head in understanding and slipping into the room.

- - - - - - - - - -

Three-thirty came and Lexa heard knuckles wrapping on the open door of her classroom.

“You're late,” Lexa stated, not bothering to look up from the paperwork on her desk.

She heard Clarke scoff, stomping her way across the room and sitting heavily at a desk. Lexa decided not say anything else.

She gave herself a couple of minutes to find some composure before letting herself look at Clarke. The girl was busy with her nose in a sketchbook, her pencil working away and Lexa let herself indulge, taking Clarke in properly.

She noticed the little things. How Clarke's skin looked incredibly smooth, how her hair fell in front of her face only to be shoved back, behind her ear by manicured fingers every so often. The little pinch of concentration between two well sculpted eyebrows. Her pink tongue peeking out from between plump, soft looking lips. The pencil tapping the girls chin every once in a while when she paused to take in whatever was on the page in front of her. Eyes scanning the sketchbook thoughtfully.

Her attention got pulled lower, to that impressive cleavage Lexa's mind never seemed far from. She couldn't help her thoughts from running wild.

She imagined Clarke straddling her. Breathy moans leaving that sinful mouth. Her dress pulled down to her waist. Her large tits pressed against Lexa's open mouth. She wondered if they'd feel heavy in her hands. What her nipples would look like, their size, if they'd be pink or dusky. If they'd pebble at her touch, if they'd stiffen under the swipe of her tongue.

She'd pay a lot of attention to those tits. She'd spend afternoons playing with them. She'd swipe and tug at those nipples, pulling as many noises out of the blonde as she could in the process. She wondered if Clarke would be loud or not. She wondered if Clarke's nipples were sensitive. She longed to bury her face in those tits and pull flesh into her mouth until it was stuffed by those delicious boobs.

Her eyes drifted lower, to smooth, soft looking legs.

She wondered if Clarke's skin would be as soft as it looked. She imagined herself spreading those thighs, with Clarke sprawled out on her desk, dress rucked up. Panting hotly. Desire and hunger in her blue eyes. Lexa's thumbs tracing upwards on the inside of her thighs. Fingers begging to reach the promised land. Itching to bury themselves within.

Lexa's eyes widened when the thighs she was staring at fell open. Giving her an eyeful of white, cotton panties with little pink hearts on them. Naughty girl, innocent panties. Her mouth falling open. She licked her lips, her mouth filling with saliva. Seriously? She was drooling over this girl now? Lexa couldn't get enough, greedily taking in the image, hoping to commit it to memory.

She'd assumed Clarke wasn't aware of the free show she was giving but when she finally found the strength to look away from heaven, her heart just about stopped. Blue eyes were fixed on her, lips pursed into a half smirk and eyebrows raised in amusement.

Oh.

Lexa swallowed thickly, she could feel the heat tinging her cheeks and she just knew the tips of her ears were turning red. Her ears always turned red. She noticed Clarke crossing her legs and willed herself not to look at the movement. She found herself comparing Clarke to the sun. So beautiful but you weren't supposed to look directly at it.

Lexa wasn't supposed to look. She cleared her throat awkwardly, tearing her eyes away from blue, glancing at the clock and realising she'd spend almost all of Clarke detention fantasizing about the her.

“Uh...you can go now,” Lexa said quietly, hoping beyond hope that her voice wasn't giving away her arousal.

She watched Clarke stand up, shoving her sketchbook into her bag. Lexa wished she could say something, anything, to make this situation slightly better. The blondes retreating form snapped her out of her stupor.

“Don't be late tomorrow.”

Clarke paused halfway out the door, hand resting on the door jam as she looked back at Lexa, giving her a once over.

“No promises,” The blonde said evenly, winking before she went on her way.

Lexa blew out a deep breath. Only one thought running through her mind.

I am fucked.

- - - - - - - - - -

Madison, in Lexa's opinion, was incredible. At two and a half years old, with her big blue eyes, mop of curly, brown hair and petite features, she was the epitome of cute. And Lexa had fallen in love with her straight away.

She'd first met Madison a week before she moved. Marcus and Madison had come up to Ton DC to help her get packed up, although Madison wasn't particularly helpful.

She was a shy toddler, she didn't smile much. She didn't talk much either and when she did it was very quiet but she'd stolen Lexa's heart. Within the week that they'd stayed, Madison had also grown attached to Lexa. Reaching for her over Marcus, wanting to stay close to Lexa. Lexa could even coax soft giggles from the otherwise stoic toddler from time to time.

So when Marcus asked if she could babysit a few afternoons a week and some sleepovers, she was only too happy to oblige. She loved spending time with the little brunette. That's how she found herself covered in paint, with Madison covered in paint and with, well, her entire kitchen covered in paint.

“I think we made a mess, don't you?” Lexa asked, eyes falling to the toddler.

The little girl looked around the room with big eyes before nodding, glancing at Lexa from underneath long, dark lashes with a little smile.

They carried on painting for a little while. Madison being very careful and with purpose while Lexa just kind of blobbed her paintbrush on the paper.

“Lessa?” Madison said, so quiet that Lexa would've missed it had she not been listening for the toddler.

“Yes, little one?”

“I want my Mommy.”

It wasn't uncommon, Madison often asked for her Mommy. Sometimes she cried for her Mommy and sometimes she had tantrums for her Mommy. Lexa had found the best way to deal with it was distraction. She swept her fingers through Madison's soft curls.

“I know,” She smiled sadly, “How about we make a picture for my desk at work? At the moment I have no pictures on it but I'd like to have something special that makes me think of you.”

Madison's eyes widened as she nodded her head, making Lexa smile.

“Right,” She grabbed a fresh paint brush, “First, we pick a colour.”

Lexa waited as Madison carefully looked at each colour, obviously taking her job seriously, much to Lexa's approval. After much consideration she pointed to the pink with a certain nod.

“Great choice, little one. Now hold your hand up like this,” Lexa showed her how and as soon Madison held her hand flat, Lexa painted it pink. Making Madison squirm, a tiny laugh bubbling from her belly as the brush tickled her.

“All done,” Lexa laughed, grabbing a fresh piece of paper, she carefully took Madison's hand and pressed it. Smiling at how perfect the print came out, “There, what do you think?”

The little brunette looked between her and the print for a moment, eyes wide. The look of wonderment on her face making Lexa laugh.

“It's perfect!” Lexa poked her tummy, making her smile, “Bath time?”

Madison nodded, reaching her arms up for Lexa to pick her up. Her hand landing on Lexa's cheek, smearing pink paint on it.

“Pretty Lessa,” Madison smile, making Lexa laugh, “I love you.”

Warmth spread through Lexa's chest. She held the little girl close to her, cradling her, “I love you too, little one.”

- - - - - - - - - -

After the day she'd had she wasn't sure why she was doing this, she wasn't a teacher. She was a writer. And yeah, maybe Anya – yes sister but also manager - thought this was a great idea but if everyday was going to be an emotional whirlwind like today then she wasn't sure she could actually handle it. And if she was going to be honest with herself her biggest issue was Clarke.

She'd never been quite so taken with someone at first sight. There was just something about the blonde, Lexa couldn't get her mind off her. She found Clarke fascinating. Yes, Clarke's body was phenomenal and Lexa couldn't keep her mind or eyes off it but there was more to it than that. When those expressive, blue eyes fixed on her, Lexa felt it with her whole heart. There was such depth to them, like Clarke was hidden to the world.

Her thoughts went back to her sister. She'd asked Anya if she could take a year out, do something different. Have a break from living in hotel rooms because she was always on book tours. Have a break from sleeping, eating and breathing writing in between book signings. And Anya had given it to her. She'd arranged for Lexa to have her year near their uncle, Marcus as per Lexa's request and luckily uncle Marcus had helped her find the job. She'd wanted to keep busy. She really should call Anya in the morning.

She couldn't let herself get attached to this student. She couldn't let herself get involved. This year was about relaxing, making new friends – which she seemed to be doing in the form of Raven Reyes – and she was going to keep her mind off of Clarke. Unless...

Fuck. No. Lexa couldn't do it. She needed to get Clarke Griffin out of her head.

Chapter Text

2. Not Party, Party

Lexa's tongue licked wetly into Clarke's mouth, making her whimper. Lexa was searching for dominance and almost achieved it, sucking the blonde's tongue into her mouth. But she pulled back sharply at the sudden pain of teeth biting into her bottom lip. Clarke smiled and Lexa licked her lips, tasting blood where Clarke had broken the skin.

She blinked at the blonde in surprise and dove straight in, fisting the blonde's hair roughly and walking her backwards until Clarke was slammed against the wall. Clarke moaned into her mouth and Lexa's fingers sank into fleshy hips.

“Take me, Lexa,” Clarke panted into her mouth, “Make me yours.”

Lexa woke with a start, heart beating fast. Breathing uneven and a light sheen of sweat covering her skin.

“Fuck.”

This was bad. She had to not have sex dreams about her student. She glanced at the clock.

Fuck yes, she needed to call Anya.

“Ahn?” Lexa said when she only heard rustling on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm here, Squid. I'm just looking at the room service menu. If you're going to call me this early to talk then at least I can stuff my face.”

“You know...you could've stayed with me,” Lexa pointed out.

“What and put up with you kicking me and snoring all night?”

“I do have a spare room, Anya.”

“Unfurnished. Besides why would I give up my nice, paid for hotel room with room service and a maid just to spend time with you?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. Her sister, always the charmer. Why had she called Anya immediately after getting ready again?

“Oh, I know,” Lexa scoffed, “I am the one paying for it.”

“Damn straight you are since I have to put up with you,” More rustling, “So how was your first day?”

Ah, that was the reason.

“Uh...” Lexa bit her lip, glancing round her sitting room, “I kinda have an issue.”

“Oh good,” She could hear the sarcasm dripping from Anya's words, “What is it?”

Lexa let out a deep sigh, “I'm in love with a student because she flashed me her panties.”

“You don't teach kindergarten, do you?”

“Anya!” Lexa face palmed.

“Alright, alright. How are you in love? It's only been a day!”

“I don't know, I just...” She scrubbed a hand down her face, “She's amazing, Anya.”

“Jesus. My little sister, one day on the job and already whipped by teenage pussy. Mom would be so proud.”

For fuck sake, Anya, she did not need to hear that.

“Anya, please,” She sighed, “I'm being serious. I don't know what to do.”

“I'm just saying, this girl must have some magical tits for you to be so into her so fast.”

“I...” Well, she couldn't exactly argue with that, “Yeah.”

“You've always been a boob girl,” Anya teased.

“What am I going to do?”

“First things first, is she legal?”

“Yeah, she's seventeen.”

“Okay, then you're going to suck it the fuck up and you're going to do your fucking job. Sound good?”

“I...yeah, okay,” Lexa pouted.

“Do you want to quit your job so you can fuck her?”

“No, that would be...”

“Incredibly stupid? A fucking train wreck? A total shit show?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Great, so just do what all the other teachers at that school probably do, rub one out and then go teach to the best of your mediocre ability.”

Her nose wrinkled at the thought, her mind immediately going to Kyle Wick. She'd noticed him checking out some of the female students. She sighed, “Thanks for your help, Ahn.”

“You owe me.”

She frowned, “I'm your sister.”

There was a brief pause on Anya's side, “You owe me double.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, scrubbing a hand down her face.

- - - - - - - - - -

She had to get through today. Then she could go to Raven's tonight and hopefully make a good impression.

Her students filtered in slowly and she noticed one was missing straight away. Clarke. Of course.

By the time Clarke slipped through the door, the other students were reading their assigned chapter. The blonde had the decency to look slightly sheepish as she crept to Lexa's desk.

“Shall I see you at three o'clock?” Clarke asked lowly, a teasing smile on her face.

“Yes, detention,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “It seems that you just can't get enough of me.”

Clarke's eyebrows rose in surprise at the joke while Lexa cringed. Blue met green.

“Apparently not,” Clarke winked, walking to her seat with an extra sway in her hips.

An extra sway that Lexa did not ogle.

Thirty minutes later and while every other student studied their books, Lexa studied Clarke. Who was not doing what she was supposed to. She still hadn't picked up her book. The blonde was busy sketching away. Lexa figured she'd let the blonde get away with it for long enough so with a sigh she crossed the room, wordlessly taking the sketchbook and sending the blonde a pointed look. She tapped her fingers on the cover of the book that Clarke was supposed to be reading and returned to her desk.

When she happened to glance down at the open sketchbook, she did a double take and wished she hadn't. There, in her hand was a very detailed sketch of a woman, who was without a doubt Lexa, looking up as she went down on another woman.

Well, fuck.

She glanced up and of course the blonde was smirking at her, she took a closer look at the sketch. The image was as if someone was looking down at her, between their spread thighs. Making eye contact. Her mouth open, her tongue out, disappearing beneath a rucked up skirt.

Fuck.

Lexa had to cross her legs. Her mind immediately imagining she was between the blonde's thighs. Clarke's fingers threaded through her hair, tugging her closer. Tasting Clarke.

Fuck.

Was she really thinking about tasting Clarke with a classroom full of students? Her cheeks turned pink, she swallowed thickly. This 'getting Clarke out of her head' was really working out for her. She slammed the sketchbook shut quickly, dropping it on her desk. Clarke could have it back after school.

Her eyes found Clarke again, the blonde was still smirking at her. It felt like the blonde could read her mind. Maybe Clarke could tell she was turned on. She hoped not.

- - - - - - - - - -

She wondered where she went wrong in life to be sharing her lunch break with Kyle Wick. But when he'd waved her over to his empty table she thought it would be rude to decline or simply bolt in the other direction. It wasn't that she didn't like Wick, except that's exactly what it was. She found him arrogant, rude and sexist. The latter coming quickly into conversation after she sat down.

“Do you have Clarke Griffin in any of your classes?”

“Yes,” She replied dubiously, eyes narrowing.

Wick leant closer to her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, “Caught her in the supply closet with her boyfriend.”

Lexa fixed her eyes on him. This was literally the last conversation she'd ever want to have. The suggestive look on Wick's face telling her that she knew exactly where this conversation was going. She hoped that her steely gaze would shut him up but no.

“Fuck, I got an eyeful,” He leered, “That Clarke is...” He blew out an appreciative breath, “I mean, you probably don't get this because you're a chick but for a guy? Damn, that body is made for fucking.”

Lexa's eyebrows rose in surprise. She absolutely did know how attractive Clarke was, she didn't need to be a 'guy' to notice that. She wasn't blind. But she was surprised that Kyle Wick, a teacher, would comment on it. Especially to her. She was new and he didn't know her at all.

That's when Lexa decided to hate herself because with how much she'd been thinking about Clarke, she was similar to Kyle fucking Wick.

He looked at her expectantly. For what? She had no idea. What was she supposed to say? Bump shoulders with him and agree with what a 'fuckable body' Clarke had? No. She went with what she hoped would be a safer option.

“I'm surprised the kids would fool around at school.”

“Oh, they were doing more than that,” He chuckled, “She was bent over, getting her fill of sausage, if you know what I mean.”

Lexa sighed in exasperation. Yes, Wick, everyone knows what you mean.

“Did you send them to the principal?”

“Nah. No harm done,” He shook his head with a chuckle, “I just hope that if I catch them again, Finn Collins has the decency to take her bra off, if I have to see his bare ass then the least he could do is give me a peek at his girlfriend's tits.”

Lexa felt bile rise in her throat, her jaw tightening. How vile did Kyle Wick need to be? Vile fucking Kyle.

Luckily she was saved having to reply to that by Raven enthusiastically waving as she came over. Plonking into the seat next to Lexa.

“You're coming tonight, right?” Brown eyes fixed expectantly on Lexa.

“Yes,” Lexa confirmed with a smile, “Should I bring anything?”

“Just your pretty face,” Raven smiled, “Unless you've got any pals you want to bring?”

Lexa shrugged, “I don't have any friends here, just my sister.”

“Bring her.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa was slightly nervous when she'd turned up at Raven's house, Anya hot on her heels only to find Raven looking confused.

“What are you doing here?” Raven asked, ushering them inside.

“You said tonight at six,” Lexa frowned, “Did I get it wrong?”

She heard a snicker from her left and turned to see none other than Clarke Griffin. The girl that had been in detention with Lexa only three hours ago, who just sat through the hour with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. The same girl that Lexa couldn't get off her mind no matter what. Lexa's mouth went dry.

The blonde was sitting casually on a kitchen counter, in soft looking pajama pants and a red, worn looking sweater. Hair messily piled on top of her head in a bun, her face free of make up. She looked beautiful to Lexa.

“If Raven says six she means eight,” Clarke said, rolling her eyes with a smile.

“Clarke?” Lexa said, a confused look on her face, not missing the subtle smirk Anya sent her way.

“She's my cousin,” Raven explained, “She got the boobs, I got the brain.”

The cousins shared a laugh.

A low whistle was let out by Anya, “Damn, some good looking genetics in that family.”

“Anya, right?” Raven waited for a nod of confirmation, “You're one to talk, have you seen your cheekbones? Have you seen Lexa's?”

Anya smirked, looking Raven up and down, “Touché.”

Lexa grimaced. The last thing she needed was to witness Anya flirting, just the thought crept her out. Her eyes caught Clarke's, who had a similar look on her face as Lexa and they shared a knowing smile.

- - - - - - - - -

Lexa and Anya had helped Raven set up for her 'party'. Raven saying it wasn't, in fact, a party every time someone referred to it as one. But apparently 'it's not a party unless everyone gets shit faced and there's at least one orgy' according to Raven. And setting up for the 'not party' only entailed ordering pizza, turning music on and setting out cups and alcohol.

Clarke had quickly disappeared into her room. And Lexa spent three hours cringing as Anya and Raven flirted, since people didn't show up until nine. People consisted of Costia, who was not subtle about flirting with her. A guy named Monty and his girlfriend Harper. Kyle Wick, who, much to Lexa's astonishment, was apparently Raven's casual boyfriend. And Jackson and Miller, who, according to Raven, just needed to fuck already.

By ten, Lexa was a little bit tipsy and had agreed to help Raven in the kitchen, making margaritas. Mostly to get away from Costia's flirting. Lexa had never been that good at flirting. She was watching Raven add tequila to the mix when Clarke entered the kitchen in a dress. Lexa's mouth fell open.

Her hair was in loose curls, her make up smoky and subtly sexy. Her heels boosting her height and her dress sticking to her curves, Lexa couldn't help but stare.

“Mm, tequila,” Clarke grinned, “Give me a couple of shots.”

“No way!” Raven scolded. Lexa assumed it was because Clarke was only seventeen and Raven was responsible for her but then Raven was pushing a bottle of vodka into Clarke's hands, “You're a bitch on tequila and I ain't cleanin' that up.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, taking a few healthy swigs straight from the bottle and impressively hardly wincing at all, “Anyway, how do I look?”

Raven immediately started gagging in jest, “Awful, disgusting, so unattractive.”

Clarke giggled, pointing at Lexa, “I'm attractive, Lexa finds me attractive.”

Oh, shit. This was it, her cover was blown. Was there actually any cover to be blown in the first place though? After all the first thing she'd ever even said to Clarke was that she was sexy and that was in front of Raven.

“Lexa finding you sexy isn't a testimony to you being attractive,” Raven replied, tone patronizing, “It just means she needs glasses.”

“I...I have contacts,” Lexa said lamely.

The cousins looked from Lexa to each other before bursting out laughing.

“Alright,” Clarke grabbed her purse off the counter, blowing Raven a kiss, “I'm out of here, don't wait up!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Raven rolled her eyes, gaze following Clarke to the door, “Make good choices, Clarkey!”

The blonde stuck her head and some of her torso back through the door, her smirk naughty, “I won't do anything you wouldn't do,” she winked before slamming the door behind her.

“What wouldn't you do?” Anya asked, coming up behind them.

“I'll let you know if I find out,” Raven laughed with a shrug.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa volunteered to help clean up after everyone left around one am, tomorrow was going to be a bitch. It wasn't even the weekend. Anya had gone home with a latecomer to the 'not party' named Echo, so she'd have to walk home alone but the clean up was going quickly and smoothly until she accidentally pulled something out from between the couch cushions. Holding up the light blue item for inspection, she gasped when she identified it as a thong.

“Ah, yes, the thrills of living with Clarke,” Raven laughed, noticing Lexa's wide eyes, “This is why I prefer kids over teenagers, they don't have opinions and they don't wear thongs.”

Lexa's mouth dropped open, realizing that this was Clarke's thong. Immediately images of Clarke wearing nothing but the scrap of lace ran through her mind. It was at that moment their attention got pulled to the opening door.

There was Clarke, a pink tinge to her face and her hair and make up less perfect than it was when she left the house. A girl, Lexa recognized as Octavia Blake, on her left side and a boy that Lexa didn't know on her right. Both with their arms looped through Clarke's, keeping her steady.

“Hey,” A dopey smiled came to Clarke's face.

“Hey, drunkie,” Raven smirked, “Thanks for bringing her back, guys.”

“No problem,” The guy smiled, helping to transfer Clarke into Raven's waiting arms.

“Thanks, Bellamy,” Raven gave him a pat on the shoulder, “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was good but Finn was a no show so Clarke got a little mad,” Octavia shrugged.

Raven rolled her eyes, slapping Clarke's wandering hand away from her face, “She'll dump his ass eventually.”

“I hope so,” Octavia smiled.

“We better get off, goodnight,” The boy – Bellamy – nodded politely at them before steering Octavia out the door.

“Are those my panties?” Clarke slurred, eyeing Lexa suspiciously.

Lexa's eyes widened, she hadn't realized she was still holding the offending item. She dropped the thong quickly, “Um, no.”

“What are we going to do with you?” Raven studied Clarke's face, “You stink.”

“How about you take me to bed and I'll show you what you can do with me?” Clarke said, voice husky, arms wrapping around Raven's waist.

“I'm your cousin,” Raven laughed, wrinkling her nose.

“Sexuality is fluid, I could get it on with a trash can.”

“Thank you for that beautiful image but let's get you to bed,” Raven saw Clarke's mouth open but quickly beat her to it, “To sleep!”

“You're no fun,” Clarke pouted and Lexa thought it was just about the cutest thing ever, well, except for Madison, “Lexa could put me to bed instead.”

Lexa froze, eyes fixed on Clarke's sexy smirk as Raven laughed.

“Lexa, you've been summoned,” Raven spun the blonde in her arms and shoved her towards Lexa.

Lexa had no choice but to catch Clarke. Her mouth going dry when her hands landed on soft curves. The blonde's chest pressing against hers, making her gulp.

“Bedroom's that-a-way,” Raven pointed out the door opposite the kitchen.

Lexa nodded, attempting to make quick work of helping the stumbling blonde into her room. Only it wasn't work at all. Not to Lexa. Not with the way Clarke was pressed against her side, smelling intoxicating, body soft and her arm looped lazily around Lexa's neck.

“You always stare at my tits,” Clarke mumbled, thankfully quiet enough for only Lexa to hear.

“I have two, very nice, reasons,” Lexa grumbled even quieter, feeling bad, "I'm sorry."

"I like it," Clarke said, making Lexa freeze for a second.

Eventually they were in Clarke's room and the blonde was much steadier after she'd kicked off her heels. Lexa took a moment to glance around the room that was so entirely Clarke. Seeing sketch after sketch everywhere. Lining the walls, covering the desk, piled on the dresser. The rest of the room was messy, bed unmade and clothes scattering the floor. It made Lexa feel warm, like she was getting a glimpse of who Clarke was. Lexa loved Clarke's room.

“Um, goodnight then,” Lexa sent her a tight lipped smile.

Clarke just nodded, her attention not on Lexa at all, and flopped face first onto her bed.

Chapter Text

3. Break

Lexa was not expecting this, this morning. It'd been hard enough to drag herself out of bed after only getting a few hours sleep. She hadn't gotten to bed until half two and she'd clearly had more to drink than she remembered, if her pounding headache was anything to go by.

Still, she'd slurped down a couple of pain killers with a couple of sides of coffee and dragged herself to work on time. Ignoring Anya's text about how 'hot' Echo was last night. Thankfully her first class was quiet but apparently all good things had to come to an end.

Clarke stormed into the room – obviously late, Lexa assumed she would be - anger radiating off her. Mind clearly focused on one thing and one thing only. Lexa briefly wondered how the hell Clarke had the energy after getting so drunk last night but no, she was a girl on a mission. Lexa's eyes widened when she saw Clarke's clenched fist swing round, making harsh contact with Finn Collins' jaw. Lexa was behind her in seconds.

“You cheated on me!” She spat, making the entire class gasp and start whispering.

Finn, clutching his jaw, looked half scared, half angry, “What the hell?”

“You fucking cheated on me, Finn!”

“Yeah,” Finn lowered his voice, giving Clarke a knowing look, “You know why.”

Realization seemed to hit Clarke and halted her for half a second before the anger was back full force, “You cheated on me because of that?! You mother fucker!”

Lexa caught Clarke around the waist seconds before Clarke could land another punch.

“Please, Clarke! I swear I won't do it again,” Finn said, desperation dripping from his voice.

Clarke scoffed, “Oh no, we're done,” She snarled, “You're free to fuck anyone you want, although I'm not sure how satisfied they'll be with your three inch prick!”

Finn's expression immediately turned to anger, “Don't act like you're better than me, Clarke. Everyone knows just how much of a slut you are! Or are you forgetting why you had to drop out of school?”

It only took a second for Clarke to attempt to fling herself towards Finn with an angry cry, the force behind her movement propelling herself and Lexa forward enough for her to get one good hit in before Lexa was yanking her away and out the door. The blonde fighting against her hold the whole way.

“Clarke, please!” Lexa begged once they'd reached the hallway and were safe from any prying eyes or ears, “Please calm down.”

“Get the fuck off me!” Clarke spat, clawing at Lexa's arms until she was released.

As soon as Lexa let Clarke go she spun round, her fist connecting with the wall.

“Fuck!” Clarke screamed.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's shoulders, spinning the blonde to face her, “Clarke, you need to calm down.”

“What for?” Clarke hissed, “So I can go to the principle's office and get suspended?”

“No!” Lexa gasped, her expression softening, “So you don't hurt yourself. I'm...I'm not sending you to the principal, I...you can have detention with me after school.”

A small amount of anger left the blonde's face as she searched Lexa's eyes, they both knew this was special treatment, “Why?”

“Because I-” Care, Lexa cut herself off, “I'll...I'll mark you as on time in this class, who have you got next?”

“Wick.”

Lexa recoiled at the mention of that asshole, “I'll excuse you from his lesson. You go...relax in the teachers lounge, okay? You're allowed in there because of Raven, right?”

Lexa watched as Clarke's eyebrows furrowed in confusion but she nodded slowly, turning in the direction of the teachers lounge but pausing, Lexa realized after a couple of seconds that she still had hold of Clarke's shoulders and dropped her hands quickly. Her eyes focusing on Clarke's retreating form.

“Clarke,” Lexa called out, pausing Clarke in her steps and waiting for blue eyes, “I won't let him get away with calling you that.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Just the woman I was looking for,” Raven beamed as she showed up in the teachers lounge.

Lexa had decided to skip out on the cafeteria today, in favor of not being in the vicinity of Kyle Wick.

“Oh yeah?” She grinned at the Latina.

“That's right,” Raven smirked, dragging out the chair opposite and sitting down, “I wanna thank you for what you did for Clarke today.”

“Oh, it's no problem,” Lexa shrugged. She knew she technically shouldn't of let Clarke off with a detention, especially since she'd recommended Finn be suspended for his behavior. She just hoped no one would call her out on it.

“No, Lexa,” Raven waited for their eyes to connect, “It's a big deal. Clarke's...she's...going through stuff and having people on her side is...it's a really good thing, Lexa. It means a lot to me.”

“I don't feel like it's a good thing,” Lexa sighed, honesty was the best policy right?

“She needs people,” Raven shrugged, a lopsided smile on her face, “You looking out for her is a good thing, Lex. She needs people in her corner.”

Lexa's mouth fell open, “Raven, I-”

“Seriously, Lexa. I want people who genuinely care about Clarke to be around her and you do. I can tell that you do.”

Lexa had literally no idea what to say so she just nodded dumbly. Yeah, she did care. She cared a lot. She was also certain that Clarke didn't need anyone else in her corner as long as she had Raven Reyes.

“You should come over tomorrow night, it's burger night,” Raven smiled before her eyes widened, “Oo, you could bring your hot sister, too.”

“Yeah, okay,” Lexa smiled, “I can do that.”

“Good,” Raven paused for a moment, “So...did she hit him hard?”

Lexa burst out laughing, “Yeah, she punched him in the jaw twice before I could pull her outta there.”

“Atta girl,” Raven winked.

“She hit the wall too though, so maybe she should get her knuckles checked.”

“I doubt I'll be able to get her to do that, Clarke kinda does what Clarke wants to do,” Raven shrugged.

Lexa didn't doubt that for a moment.

“I can't believe that little ass wipe cheated on her though,” Raven groaned, “You'd think with that boy batting way out of his league he'd try to be the perfect fucking boyfriend.”

“I was pretty surprised too,” Lexa nodded in agreement, “Clarke doesn't seem like the type of person one would cheat on.”

“I know right!” Raven shook her head, “I guess it says more about that moronic prick than it does about Clarke.”

“Yeah,” Lexa hummed her agreement, “I do have one question though.”

Brown eyes met hers, “Shoot.”

“No offence but why are you with Kyle Wick?” Lexa asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“I know,” Raven chuckled, “He's a piece of work but he's pretty and he's low maintenance. Which is what I need right now, we aren't serious.”

Lexa hummed to herself. Maybe Wick was pretty. Maybe Wick was low maintenance. But surely those things were immediately cancelled out the moment he opened his mouth? She wondered if Raven knew how Kyle Wick talked about her cousin and her cousin's 'made to be fucked body'. Probably not.

- - - - - - - - - -

Three o'clock came and went. Clarke, who seemed a lot calmer than this morning, didn't look as though the silence was bothering her but it was bothering Lexa. She desperately wanted to comfort Clarke.

“I'm...” She swallowed when those blue eyes fixed on her, why was she always such a stuttering mess in front of Clarke? “I'm sorry that your boyfriend...”

Clarke scoffed, “It's fine.”

“You're not upset?” Lexa asked in surprise.

Blue met green, “Lexa, he cheated on me because I wouldn't 'give it' to him when I was on my period. He's nothing to cry over.”

Lexa's mouth fell open and Clarke smirked. She tried to ignore the way Clarke saying her name gave her butterflies.

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, “He's that much of an asshole.”

“Jesus,” Lexa breathed out, “That's...wow. He's an idiot, Clarke. Period or not, anyone would be an idiot to cheat on you.”

“Is that so?” Clarke teased, eyebrow quirked.

Lexa nodded furiously , “You're...you're you, you're beautiful and...”

Oh shit. Lexa's cheeks tinged pink. Had she really just called a student beautiful? Judging by Clarke's giggle, yes, she had.

“You think I'm beautiful?” Clarke cocked her head to the side and Lexa could just tell that Clarke was trying not to laugh.

“I...no,” What? Lexa frowned, “No, I don't.”

Lexa face palmed in embarrassment and Clarke let out a chuckle. The noise making Lexa smile. Their eyes connected once more, electricity passing between them before Lexa looked away, clearing her throat.

“Um...What did he mean?” Lexa asked after composing herself, “Finn. When he said you dropped out?”

The smile fell from Clarke's face and Lexa kicked herself. She'd give anything for that smile to return.

“I'm sorry,” Lexa said quickly, trying to remedy her mistake, “It's none of my business.”

The silence stretched and Lexa felt uncomfortable but it was less awkward than it had been before. She focused on returning some emails on her phone before Clarke's voice reached her again.

“Have you got a kid?”

“What?” Lexa frowned, eyes catching Clarke's before the blonde gestured to Lexa's desk, “Oh.”

She'd forgotten about Madison's framed hand print, sitting proudly on her desk and she couldn't help the grin from spreading over her face at the thought of the toddler.

“No,” Lexa shook her head, “She's my...” How the hell did she explain that situation? “I...um, I babysit for my uncle...sort of.”

Clarke frowned, “Sounds complicated.”

Lexa nodded.

“Kids can be fun though, right?” Clarke's teeth sank into her bottom lip, Lexa's eyes following the movement.

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed, her grin coming back full force, “She's amazing.”

Clarke sent her a smile, giving Lexa a soft look.

“Shit,” Lexa frowned when she noticed the clock, “I'm so sorry, Clarke. I was only keeping you until four and it's twenty past. I just...I didn't even notice.”

“It's fine,” Clarke smiled easily, “An extra twenty minutes seems like a good deal. I did punch a boy.”

Lexa laughed at that and nodded, “Twice.”

“Twice,” Clarke laughed, making her way out, “Have a good evening, Lexa.”

“You too.”

Lexa let out a deep sigh. She was so fucked.

- - - - - - - - - -

She use to run all the time. She hadn't quite found the time to yet, since she'd moved to Polis but tonight was the night. She had so much going on, she was hoping the exercise would be a stress reliever and also, maybe, help with her sexual frustration too. Being so worked up all the time was seriously getting embarrassing.

It'd always given her a bit of respite. She loved the way the wind felt, how her skin would be cold but her cheeks would get pink from the excursion. Anya sometimes went running with her too but Anya always made it into a competition and that wasn't what running was about for Lexa. Lexa liked to run to think.

And luckily there were many places to run near her house, she didn't have to drive anywhere.

She was halfway around the lake when she noticed none other than Clarke, sitting on a bench in the dark. She checked her watch, it was late, what the hell was Clarke doing out here? She slowed to a walk and made her way over, noticing Clarke's red rimmed eyes the closer she got.

“Clarke?” Blue met green but Clarke's eyes looked glazed over, she was clearly drunk, “Why are you out here so late? Especially alone?”

Clarke shrugged, sniffing a little bit, “Not alone, you're here.”

Lexa couldn't help but smile, “Let me walk you home?”

Clarke frowned, “Why do you keep helping me, Lexa?”

It was Lexa's turn to shrug, “Because I...” Think you're wonderful, “I'm friends with Raven so...you know, I want to...” Love you forever, “Um, look out for you.”

“I don't need you to look out for me.”

Lexa observed her for a moment. She knew Clarke was drunk and the blonde was probably sad too, there was no way she was just going to leave her there. She crouched down in front of Clarke, waiting for those blue eyes.

“Either I take you home or I call Raven, which would you prefer?”

Blue eyes narrowed, “I can't go home.”

“Why?” Lexa frowned.

“Because I-” Clarke cut herself off, shrugging her shoulders.

“Um...” Lexa panicked, she couldn't just leave Clarke here.

“Just take me back to yours so I can sleep.”

Lexa bit her lip, did she have another choice? “Okay but I need to make sure Raven's okay with it.”

Clarke nodded so Lexa went to stand up but Clarke caught her hand, “Just...tell her I'm drunk, don't tell her I'm...”

What? What could she be? Oh. It was then that Lexa noticed just how dilated Clarke's eyes were. She was on something other than alcohol.

“What did you take?”

“None of your business,” The blonde snarked.

She pulled out her phone.

“What?”

“Hi, Raven,” Lexa chuckled, “I'm with Clarke, she's a little...sad so I was going to take her to mine to sleep it off. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Is she okay?”

Lexa glanced back at the blonde but Clarke's focus was elsewhere, “I think so.”

“Just...I'm here if she wants to...”

“Yeah, I get it,” Lexa hummed, “I think she does too.”

“Thanks, Lexa. Keep her safe and I'll see you tomorrow.”

She pushed her phone back into her pocket, turning to see the blonde watching her with a lost look of her face. She sent Clarke a soft smile.

“Come on then,” Lexa nodded her head towards the direction of her house and they began walking.

They walked silently for ten minutes before Lexa had to break the silence.

“What happened tonight, Clarke?” She asked softly.

“I don't know,” Clarke sniffed, “I just...I had enough of everything and there's rumors going around about why me and Finn broke up.”

“What rumors?”

“Stupid rumors, some people are saying that I was the cheater and he told all his friends that he broke up with me because I'm fat,” Clarke shook her head.

“You're...not,” Lexa breathed out. The last thing she'd call Clarke was fat, she loved Clarke's curves.

“It makes you feel shitty when people are saying it, I don't even know why I was with him.”

“Why were you?” Lexa asked curiously, taking her house keys out of her pocket when they'd reached their destination.

“He was a distraction,” Clarke said, shrugging sadly. Following Lexa inside and falling onto the couch.

Lexa silently thanked herself for cleaning up earlier, “Do you want anything to eat or drink?”

Clarke shook her head no, before big blue eyes met Lexa with a sad weight to them, “I did something stupid tonight.”

Lexa sat down next to her, she wasn't sure why Clarke was opening up but she wasn't going to question it. She doubted it would last long. She nodded for Clarke to continue.

“I slept with Niylah,” Clarke sniffed, eyes falling to the floor, “She's a friend of mine but she's been into me for years and I've always tried not to lead her on but now...”

“You feel like you've lead her on,” Lexa finished softly, Clarke nodded, “Why did you sleep with her?”

“She thinks I'm beautiful,” Clarke teased, knocking her shoulder against Lexa and letting out a sad laugh, “I'm so fucked up, I just wanted to feel good and I used her.”

“Clarke, if she's your friend then she'll understand,” Lexa tried to comfort her, “You and Finn broke up today and you've clearly had a drink. Unless she's dumb then she'll know that this wasn't you trying to start something with her.”

Clarke searched her face for a minute before nodding, “You're right.”

“You slept with Niylah because you needed someone and she was there for you as a friend. And you and Finn broke up because he's a complete asshole who doesn't deserve you.”

Blue met green and suddenly Lexa felt too close. She could feel her heart beat getting faster. She could hear her breath hitching. And all she could focus on was Clarke and just how close Clarke's face was to hers.

She could feel the heat radiating from Clarke's skin. She could see the lighter blue specks in her searching eyes. She could feel Clarke's hot breath, tickling her lips. And fuck she was so consumed with Clarke, just Clarke. There was no place Lexa would rather be.

It felt like time was standing still, like the only people in the universe were her and Clarke. It would take nothing for her to just reach out and grab the blonde, gather her up into a safe embrace and protect her. Make her feel like she was worth the world because she was worth the world to Lexa. Hide her away from dick heads like Finn and Wick.

But that thought made her pause. Was she any better? Why should she protect Clarke when maybe she was the one Clarke needed protecting from?

The lightest brush of Clarke's lips against hers had her pulling back quick enough to give herself whiplash, drawing in a deep breath and squeezing her eyes shut. Freezing in place.

“Clarke, we can't,” She whispered, so quiet she wasn't sure if Clarke had even heard.

“Where can I sleep?”

The natural rasp of Clarke's voice washed over her, it was so familiar to her now. So comforting. But there was no teasing lilt, there was no snark. It just sounded tired and empty now.

“Take my room, it's upstairs.”

Clarke said nothing more but Lexa felt the blonde move passed her. She didn't open her eyes again until Clarke was long gone.

Chapter Text

4. Burger Night

She wanted to avoid Clarke after last night. She really did. And seeing as how the blonde had vanished when Lexa woke up, she was pretty sure that Clarke wanted to avoid her too. But life wasn't always that simple and Lexa wasn't that lucky.

She was late when she entered the teacher's lounge but stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed it was occupied by the exact blonde she was hoping to avoid. Sitting at the table.

“What else do you want me to do?” Clarke sobbed into the phone that was pressed against her ear, tears streaming down her face. Her forehead resting against her other hand. She hadn't noticed Lexa, “Please, just-”

Lexa's eyes widened when she realized she could hear the other half of the blonde's conversation. It was a woman.

“The answer is no, Clarke.”

The words were spoken harshly, the woman clearly not caring much that Clarke was crying.

“Please,” A sob left Clarke's throat, “If Dad was here-”

“He isn't here,” The woman's voice rose, her tone harsh and firm, “The answer is no.”

“Fuck you!”

Lexa was surprised that the phone didn't smash with how hard Clarke slammed it down on the table. Her face falling into her hands and sobs racked her body.

“Clarke?” Lexa breathed out unintentionally.

Clarke's face shot up at the sound. She wiped away her tears angrily.

“Leave me alone, Lexa,” She growled, “I don't care that I'm late for your stupid class.”

“I wasn't going to...” Lexa trailed off. Did Clarke really think that Lexa was going to get at her for being late to class? It physically pained her to see the blonde so upset. She watched silently as Clarke typed furiously into her phone.

Lexa wanted to help, every fiber of her being ached to put a smile back on Clarke's face, “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Clarke snapped, “Just leave me alone.”

“I...I want to help, I-”

“Why?” Clarke's anger got directed at her, making Lexa gulp, “We aren't friends, Lexa.”

“I-”

Lexa was cut off by a body pushing passed her and then Raven was in front of Clarke and Clarke was falling into Raven's arms, letting out a sob.

“You're okay,” Raven whispered, gripping Clarke tightly and stroking the blonde's hair. Her eyes found Lexa, “Thanks for waiting with her, Lex.”

Knowing the cousins probably needed a moment alone, she left with a nod. Her heart aching to leave Clarke so upset like that. But Raven was going to help way more than she ever could.

- - - - - - - - - -

After much persuading from Raven that it was fine and not optional for her not to attend 'burger night', Lexa found herself situated on one of the stools at Raven's breakfast bar, minus Anya because Anya had a thing. Raven herself was in high spirits, immediately roping Lexa into trying her new cocktail named 'Rocket Fuel' the moment Lexa had entered the house.

Still, after seeing Clarke crying that morning and not seeing much else of Clarke all day, she couldn't really relax. She didn't want to be here if it was going to make Clarke uncomfortable and after their near kiss she doubted Clarke would be comfortable around her. She'd have to wait and see because Clarke so far hadn't made it out of her room.

“Ya know,” Raven drawled from where she was cooking, turning to wave a spatula in Lexa's general direction, “Costia was asking if you were single.”

“She was?” Lexa frowned. She was aware that Costia had been flirting with her, Costia had been flirting with her non stop. But if she wanted to know about Lexa's relationship status then why the hell not just ask?

“Mhm,” Raven grinned, “She was showing a lot of interest in you.”

“Can't imagine why, I'm not interesting at all.”

“Oh, please!” Raven laughed, “You're new to town, drop dead gorgeous and gay! How many new, hot, gay girls do you think we get here in Polis?”

“Uh...not many, by the sounds of it?” Lexa asked sheepishly.

“Not many is an understatement,” Raven said, giving her an eye roll, “So, you interested?”

“I...” Have been too busy lusting after your cousin. “Haven't thought about Costia in that light.”

“Is that a no?”

“It's an 'I don't know',” Lexa frowned, “I don't know if she's my type, I haven't thought about it.”

“Interesting,” Raven pursed her lips, “So what is your type?”

“Um,” Your cousin. Fuck, “Blondes.”

“Well I figured that one out already,” Raven huffed.

“Uh, I like curves...” Lexa trailed off, was she really just going to reel off Clarke's traits? Jesus, Lexa.

Raven shot her an incredulous look, “Lexa, tell me something I don't know.”

“How would I know what you know? And why are my sexual interests the topic of conversation?”

“Come on, I bet your sex life is more interesting than mine!” Raven whined, “I gotta live vicariously through people.”

Lexa scoffed, “If you're looking for people with interesting sex lives to vicariously live through then I hate to disappoint but I haven't had sex in six months.”

Raven's eyes widened dramatically. You'd think Lexa had just told her that she'd killed a puppy. Lexa didn't think her sex life, of lack there of, deserved this amount of dramatics.

“Shut your damn mouth!” Raven gasped, the spatula in her hand pointing rudely in Lexa's direction, “Six months? No?!”

“Yes.”

“Shit, honey, we need to get you laid,” Raven shook her head, “Do you have like...cobwebs down there?”

“Raven! Seriously? Let's not talk about my...anatomy.”

“Fine,” Raven huffed, clearly disappointed. There was silence for about three seconds, “You must masturbate like crazy.”

“Who masturbates like crazy?” Clarke's voice drifted from behind her and she turned to see the blonde coming out of her room. Lexa's eyes took her in, she was wearing light blue jeans with rips that hugged her curves and a soft looking, faded pink, cotton shirt that fell off one shoulder. Lexa had to drag her eyes away as the blonde sat down next to her.

“No one,” She said quickly. But Raven Reyes had other ideas.

“Lexa hasn't had sex in six months!” Raven practically shouted, spatula waving vicariously in the air. Making Lexa's eyes squeeze shut in embarrassment as a sigh left her mouth. She could practically feel the laughter coming from Clarke but the blonde girl wasn't laughing at her, she was laughing at Raven's antics.

Great. She absolutely wanted Clarke to know that, “Raven! It's no big deal, I just-”

“Wait, I need to know why?” Raven said excitedly, “I'd ask if you have zero game but you're hot as fuck so girls would still go for you. I'd fuck you right here, right now.”

“What?!”

“We could have an orgy! You, me and,” Raven got a dreamy look her her face, “Anya.”

“She's my sister!” A look of horror passed Lexa's face.

“Bet you wouldn't say no if Clarke was part of the deal,” Raven grumbled.

Lexa's cheeks turned pink.

“Okay,” Clarke clapped her hands together, “If we're going to start the incestuous orgy talk then I'd better start early.”

Lexa watched as Clarke slipped down from the stool behind her and padded her way around her breakfast bar with bare feet. Returning moments later with two beers in her hand. Offering one to Lexa, who took it gratefully and popping the top off.

“What is it then?” Raven asked after a minute, “Do you, like, really suck in bed? Or...Oh my God, do you have some weird STD?”

“What? No! Of course I don't-”

“Don't be ashamed Lex, it happens to the best of us,” Raven tutted, the dreaded spatula turned on Clarke, poking it in the direction of the girl's face, “Remember when you had chlamydia, Clarke?”

“No,” Clarke said evenly, “Because you just made it up.”

“You didn't?” Raven frowned in confusion, eyes on Clarke's shaking head, “Sorry, there's just something about you that screams chlamydia.”

Clarke's eyebrows shot upward as a look of amusement came to her face, her hand pressed to her heart in jest, “You say the sweetest things to me, Rae.”

“I know, you're lucky to have me,” The Latina laughed at Clarke's narrowing eyes before turning her attention back to Lexa, “If it isn't those things then why the hell haven't you had your croissant buttered in six whole months...unless, do you have some really weird fetish? Oh my God, did try it with your last girlfriend and it freaked her out so much that she told everyone so everywhere you went everyone just knew you were that girl with the super fucked up fetish? Jesus, Lexa, that's why you had to move isn't it?”

Lexa was frozen in shock, her jaw pretty much hitting the floor, her eyes wide. Clarke's giggle pulled her out of her stupor.

“No!” She shook her head violently, “I don't have a weird, super fucked up fetish! I just....Jesus. Why are we still talking about this?”

“Because six months, Lexa, six!” Raven waved that spatula at her, “Why?”

“I'm not going to tell you, Anya makes fun of me enough as it is, I don't need you to be in on it too,” Lexa grumbled, cheeks pink.

“Mm,” A suspicious smile came to Raven's face, “Anya knows, huh?”

Lexa watched in horror as Raven slowly pulled her phone out, before long having Anya over the phone, on speaker.

“Hey, Anya, why the hell ain't you at my burger night? Did Lexa forget to invite you?”

“Maybe I just didn't want to eat your burger,” Came Anya's lewd tone. Lexa couldn't help but cringe.

“I'll have you know that my burger is the best damn burger you could ever get your mouth on,” Raven replied with an eyebrow wiggle.

“I think I should be the judge of that, taste is very important to me when it comes to...burgers.”

“Oh, I can assure you that my burger has the taste factor.”

“It's also gotta be nice and juicy.”

“Damn-”

“Enough!” Clarke groaned, “I don't want to hear this.”

“Me neither,” Lexa made a retching noise, making Clarke smile.

“Prudes. I don't know about Lexa but Clarke has no room to talk, the amount of times I've heard that girl getting railed-”

“Raven,” Clarke growled.

“Alright, alright,” Raven laughed, “Anyway, why I called....how come Lexie-Lou here hasn't had sex in six months?”

“Anya! Don't you dare!”

Anya's laugh came booming through the phone, “Oh, little squid, you should've been nicer to me if you didn't want me to spill your secrets.”

“When was I ever not nice to you?” Lexa scoffed.

“I don't know, maybe when you decided to live in this butt hole town for a year instead of vacationing in Hawaii.”

“Hawaii? What the fuck?” Raven frowned.

“I will pay for you to go to Hawaii tomorrow if it means you're not going to embarrass me.”

“Where's the fun in that?”

“So? What's the verdict? Does she have some non treatable STD or is it the weird fetish?” Raven laughed.

“It's the weird fetish-”

“What?!” Lexa piped up.

“Little Lexie-Lou, she only fucks for love.”

“Oh my God,” Lexa groaned, her face falling into her hands. Forget pink, she was as red as a tomato.

“Aww, she's a romantic,” Raven giggled.

“Anyway, unlike squid, I'm not a virgin and Echo's naked and waiting sooo....see ya!”

And with that she disconnected the call.

“This is brilliant,” Raven grinned, her eyes narrowing in on her cousin, “Hey, Clarkey, maybe you should try it?”

“Fuck off,” Clarke giggled, “I love sex and I hate love, I'd end up alone and horny with seventeen cats.”

“Agreed, we'll leave the love fucking for Lexa,” Raven decided with a nod. 

“Kill me. Just kill me,” Lexa groaned again.

Raven's grin turned teasing, "I doubt Clarke could handle seventeen pussies, even if you were horny-"

"Raven!" Clarke laughed.

“She was joking about me being a virgin, by the way, I'm not,” Lexa grumbled, “I've had sex.”

“Yeah, like a billion years ago,” Raven rolled her eyes, “You might as well be a virgin. It isn't normal, for example, I had sex last weekend. Clarke?”

The spatula was again pointed at the blonde, who shrugged casually, “Today.”

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed as she glanced at Clarke. She wondered who with. After how bad Clarke felt about sleeping with Niylah, she hoped Clarke hadn't made the same mistake twice. Blue met green but the blonde just sent her a small smile.

Raven also frowned at her cousin, “Today? Really?” She lowered her voice, “You know I don't mean with yourself right?”

And Lexa was officially going to hell. She cursed her stupid mind for immediately conjuring up images of the blonde. Laying bare and breathy on soft sheets. Pushed out chest, heaving. Soft skin. Writhing under deft fingers as she 'had sex with herself'.

“Not with myself,” The blonde rolled her eyes.

“How do you always get more action than me?” Raven whined, “Shouldn't you be busy doing teenage things? Painting your nails or...I don't know, watching Hannah Montana?”

“Isn't sex a very teenage thing to do?” Lexa frowned.

“Like you would know!” Raven laughed, “You've never even had sex!”

“Yes I have!” Lexa argued, “I have...I...I'm good at...it.”

Oh, shit. She knew what was coming next. It only took the cousins a second to make eye contact before they were doubled over in laughter and Lexa was as red as a tomato.

Once the laughter had died down she gave in to the urge and took a peek at Clarke to gage the blonde's reaction. And there was Clarke, in all her Clarke glory...smirking right at her.

She couldn't help but take in Clarke's face, her bright blue eyes, the shape of her face, the little beauty mark sitting just above her upper lip. Lexa kinda wanted to kiss it. Her eyes also ran over Clarke's neck, she hadn't studied it much – usually too focused on Clarke's other assets – but now she was looking. Clarke's neck was elegant and the skin of it looked so soft, Lexa got the urge to run her fingers down it and press her thumb over the blonde's pulse point. She licked her lips, she wanted to put her mouth on it and-

“You never answered my question,” Raven wrinkled her nose, “Is your va-jay-jay in need of a de-cobwebbing?”

“My va-what? No!” Lexa blushed, “My...it's fine.”

“Do you even bother to keep it tidy? Knowing you ain't getting any? I think I'd just let mine get wild and free.”

“Can we...why are you so interested in my...Raven...” Lexa sighed.

“Just be thankful you don't live with Clarke, she's always leaving her pubes in the tub,” Raven laughed.

Lexa's wide eyes found Clarke as the blonde stuck her tongue out at her cousin.

“Can we talk about something else?” Lexa asked hopelessly.

Clarke giggled but Raven nodded, “Let's talk about Clarke.”

“Oh, I'm not discussing my vagina,” The blonde joked, making Raven laugh.

“How's teaching Clarke, Lexa?”

“Um...” Lexa eyed the blonde and Clarke raised a challenging eyebrow. Okay, she could do this. Honest but polite, “I really enjoy having her as a student...sometimes I worry though.”

“Why?” Raven asked.

“Just...being late and stuff,” Lexa's eyes flicked between Clarke's amused expression and Raven's concerned one, “I just worry that Clarke maybe doesn't take school as seriously as she should...sometimes.”

“Do you know her grades?” Raven asked, eyebrow raised and a smile on her face.

“I...no,” Lexa bit her lip.

“Straight A's,” Raven smirked proudly.

“Except physical education,” Clarke corrected.

“Except physical education, she's allergic to exercise but apart from that.”

Lexa's mouth dropped open, Clarke was so impressive, “Wow.”

She noticed Clarke's little smile and Raven's proud look.

“I'm sorry, I just assumed because of class,” Lexa said sincerely, catching Clarke's eyes before turning to Raven, “Plus I thought you said you got the brains and she got the...”

“You can say tits,” Raven laughed.

“No she can't, “Clarke giggled, “She goes red whenever I catch her looking at the girls.”

Lexa's eyes widened as she went bright red, Clarke looked down at her own chest and Raven doubled over in laughter.

“I thought this was burger night? Not embarrass the fuck out of Lexa night?” Lexa grumbled.

“Aww, poor baby,” Clarke patted her back but her smile was anything but sympathetic.

- - - - - - - - - -

She called Anya the moment she was walking home.

“Why the hell did you say all of that?” She hissed.

“Uh, hello to you too. What's your problem? It's not like it isn't true, no big deal.”

Ugh, she could slap her sister right now. It was a massive deal. It was a huge deal because...because...

“Clarke could hear you, Anya!”

“Well...Raven's the one who asked. Besides, who cares? She's way out of you league anyway, you have no chance with her.”

“What?!”

“Oh, come on, Lexa. You really think you have a shot with a girl that looks like that? Keep dreaming, baby sis.”

“Oh my God, this is so besides the point! You really are a piece of work, Anya...maybe I didn't want my colleague and student to know about my sex life!”

“Don't take it out on me just because your little girlfriend knows you're a sap, surely she knew already, your heart eyes aren't exactly subtle.”

“Jesus, Anya. Can you just take me seriously for one fucking second?”

“If you had an actual problem, yes. But you don't. You're freaking for exactly no reason.”

“I have a reason, I...I don't want to be a loser.”

“Too late.”

“Anya!”

“Seriously, Lexa. You're fine. Everyone loves you, even the wonder bra that is Clarke Griffin.”

“The wonder...Anya, don't call her that.”

“Jesus, you've got it bad.”

“Oh really?” Lexa spat, “I hadn't noticed.”

“Alright, look it's fine. Did they laugh?”

“I...yeah.”

“Then it's fine, you're liked. Don't worry so much, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” She pouted, “Oh shit, uncle Marcus is calling.”

“Bye, squid and for fuck sake, try to stop being such a useless lesbian.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa was fucked. She had absolutely no idea what to do. Marcus had asked her to have Madison for the night when she was on her way home from Raven's and she'd been happy for the spontaneous company of the toddler. Everything had been going perfectly, she'd taken Madison to see the ducks in the park on their route home. They'd made some pasta because Madison wanted 'sgetti' but who had time to try and feed that to a toddler? Not Lexa. They'd finally settled down in front of a movie, Madison's pick of The Lion King, when the toddler had a complete meltdown.

And by meltdown, it was a meltdown like no other. Lexa had never seen such a meltdown. They'd been cuddling up and when the scene came on with Simba talking to his Mom, Madison had lost it. Big, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Wailing sob after sob leaving her throat and making her whole body shake. Her face turning red in minutes.

And Lexa had tried all her usual tactics. She tried to distract her with something else, she'd cuddled her, she'd even tried to bribe her with some candy love hearts that she knew Madison loved. But no, the toddler wouldn't let up. She just cried, sobbing so much that her face got incredibly hot and when she'd tried to ask for her Mommy, she'd ended up choking on her own spit and vomiting all over Lexa's shirt.

That's how Lexa found herself in her bathroom, sitting on the floor shirtless and pressing a cool cloth to the toddler cradled on her lap.

“Mo-mmy, Mom-my, Momm-y,” Madison hiccupped, her wet face pressed into Lexa's neck.

“I know, I know, little one,” Lexa rocked her back and forth, running her fingers through soft, brunette curls.

She sighed. She'd already attempted to call Marcus but he just wasn't picking up. When she was absolutely sure that the little girl had finished throwing up, she scooped her up and headed upstairs. Maybe if they were in bed then Madison would cry herself to sleep and at least her little face could lose it's redness and her raw throat would get a break.

She set Madison on the bed, grabbing some pajama's and changing quickly. When she turned back around, sobs had become sniffles and the toddler's eyes were drooping. She was laying on her belly with her face buried in the sweater Clarke must've left in her bed last night. She reminded herself to return it to the blonde.

“She smells good, huh?” Lexa smiled, slipping into bed next to Madison, “I think so too.”

She stroked Madison's back as the little girl blinked up at her with those big blue eyes. She stroked the toddlers back gently until she was fast asleep.

Just before Lexa fell asleep her phone dinged with a message.

“What the hell?” She frowned at the unknown number.

What she saw made her freeze. It was a picture message, a naughty one at that. And she'd recognize the swell of those particular breasts anywhere. She'd fantasized about them enough already.

Her fantasies were nothing compared to reality. Lexa licked her lips while taking in the perky globes, so round, topped with pink nipples that she desperately wanted in her mouth.

Fuck.

How the hell had Clarke gotten her number?

Chapter Text

5. Fire, Fire.

Clarke Griffin was confusing. And that was an understatement. She went from sexy teasing and flashing Lexa her panties. To angry and cussing. To giving soft looks and genuine smiles. And back. Lexa had no idea where she stood. She wondered if Clarke was just a complex person with all these different sides that fitted together perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle, once you knew them all. She wanted to know them all. She wanted to love them all. But she couldn't...or at least she shouldn't.

She'd avoided Clarke for the most part, she'd kept her eyes to herself during first period but she knew she had to talk to the blonde. She knew she had to clear things up. And it was getting hard to concentrate, her thoughts kept drifting to the photo that was burnt into her mind. So she'd emailed Costia after checking which class Clarke had before lunch, asking the teacher to send Clarke straight to her classroom once the lunch bell rang. Now all she had to do was pluck up the courage to end this...whatever this was.

Once the blonde entered the room Lexa gestured to desk closest to her. Using the time it took for Clarke to sit down to compose herself with a deep breath.

“Clarke,” She said softly, waiting for Clarke's eyes, “We...I need to...we should talk.”

Blue eyes stayed fixed on her, the blonde's confidence not wavering, “What about, Lexa?”

“Um...I think, maybe, you should start calling me Miss Woods,” Lexa cleared her throat awkwardly, dragging her eyes up from where they'd strayed to Clarke's lips. Fucking traitor eyes.

Clarke rose an eyebrow in question.

“Um...” Lexa continued shakily, “I think things have gotten out of hand...I, I saw your sketch and...”

“So?” Clarke asked, voice steady.

“You drew me...”

Clarke nodded, “I did.”

“It's...inappropriate,” Lexa breathed out, well aware that her cheeks were turning pink.

“It's just art, I draw everyone,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“It's not just that.”

“Then what?” Clarke challenged.

“Clarke, you sent me a photo of...” Lexa blushed harder, eyes dropping to ample cleavage.

“Of what?”

Lexa bit her lip, fishing out her phone and bringing up the photo, showing it to Clarke. She watched as Clarke's eyes dragged over the screen, a neutral expression on her face until their eyes met once again.

“How do you even know that's me?” Clarke's lips twitched into a smirk.

Lexa blinked heavily, “What?”

“You got a text...from an unknown number,” Clarke stood slowly, Lexa's eyes never leaving her, “Of a photo with no face,” Clarke stalked closer, “And yet you automatically think it was me?” Clarke made a tutting noise, “You must've spent an awful lot of time looking at my boobs if you can recognize them from a photo, Lexa.”

And Clarke was just looking at her, a teasing smile on her face, eyebrows risen in challenge and blue eyes looking straight through her.

You know I have.

Lexa bit her lip, “Look, crushes are normal...and I- I...if you have one then-”

“Lexa,” The laugh that left Clarke's throat startled her, “You think I have a crush on you?”

Lexa glanced up at the blonde nervously, “Uh...”

“I'm not twelve,” Clarke chuckled, “I don't have a crush on you, Lexa, I want to fuck you.”

The moment Clarke's words registered, it felt like she'd been punched in the gut. It felt as if time stood still, like she couldn't breath, like she couldn't think. Clarke fucking Griffin wanted to fuck her. Is this how it would feel to spontaneously combust?

And Clarke was just standing there, as confident as ever. A curious look spread over her pretty face as she just watched. Watched Lexa practically die. Clarke Griffin had more confidence than Lexa had in her pinky finger.

“I...” Want to fuck you too. She sucked the air into her lungs harshly, she couldn't say that, “I...” Think about you all the time.

What the hell was she supposed to say?

“It's...wrong,” She said lamely, throat constricting.

Was it wrong? Every fiber of her being wanted the girl in front of her and it felt nothing but right. Apparently Clarke didn't agree with her word choice either, if the exaggerated eye roll was anything to go by.

“I know you want me, so you can cut the bullshit.”

“I...” Fuck, yes. I want you. No. She couldn't, “Don't.”

And fuck she wished the ground would just swallow her up because Clarke was advancing towards her again. Those full hips swaying and Lexa's greedy eyes took her in.

The way Clarke's soft, white, cotton shirt was pulled tight across her chest and tucked into the mid-thigh length, grey but faintly printed red plaid skirt that was brushing the tops of her thighs made Lexa lick her lips and have to cross her legs.

And then Clarke was in front of her, close enough to touch. Hip cocked and resting against the desk, hand pressed to the wood and that smirk on her face that Lexa loved so much. Lexa gulped, looking up into those all consuming, blue eyes.

“I know you want me, Lexa,” Clarke practically purred. Her husky voice washing over Lexa in a warm, wave like, caress, “I see you looking,” One of Clarke's hands came up to briefly run across her breast and yes, Lexa's eyes followed the movement. Clarke's hand squeezed against the white material, forcing Lexa's eyes shut, “It's okay, I want you to look.”

“I can't,” Lexa whispered, her voice coming out in a weak hiss. Her body shaking, aching to lean into the blonde's space.

“I'd like to ask you a question.”

She felt Clarke's breath across her face and her eyes sprang open to see that the blonde had leant forward, their faces only an inch apart. Green met blue and Lexa had to swallow quickly.

“When you think about fucking me on your desk,” Clarke shot her a naughty look and Lexa's mouth fell open, “Am I in this position?”

And with that, Clarke bent over Lexa's desk. Her front pressed to the surface. Her deliciously thick, toned thighs slightly spread. Her round, skirt covered ass up in the air and her face turned to Lexa, eyebrow quirked. Lexa couldn't breath.

Yes, Clarke, you are in that position but always less clothed.

“Clarke,” She managed to choke out, struggling to keep her eyes on the blonde's face.

“If you can stop yourself from looking then I'll leave it but if you can't...” She trailed off, a naughty lilt in her voice, teasing.

Lexa didn't understand. If this game was about not looking, hadn't she already failed miserably? She was pretty sure all she'd done is look but...oh. Clarke had reached behind her and was slowly tugging the skirt up, over her ass.

Well...Lexa looked.

She watched as the material revealed the beautiful skin on the back of the blonde's thighs, inch by perfect inch. She watched and the blonde's panties came into view and she noticed that today they were white with little, green four leaf clovers covering them. Definitely naughty girl, innocent panties. She noticed how the edges of the panties dug into the smooth, generous flesh of the blonde's ass, just slightly, something you wouldn't notice unless you were up close.

And what made Lexa's mouth drop open most of all, how the panties stuck lightly to the blonde where they were slightly damp. Lexa's eyes widened. She had to squeeze her legs together as hard as she could. Clarke Griffin was turned on and all Lexa wanted to do was press her nose against the four leaf clovers, against the dampness so that she could smell the blonde.

Fuck. She wanted to graze her lips over the swell of Clarke's ass, kick the blonde's legs further apart and press her thumb into the damp patch of material. No. Fuck. She wanted to press her tongue to it. She wanted to make that damp patch soaked with her saliva and then suck on the flesh beneath it. She wanted to dart her tongue into the side of those panties. She wanted to taste.

Suddenly her view was gone and she was just staring at the wood of her desk. She blinked heavily, her eyes flitting around the room until they landed on Clarke, leaning against the door jam. And Clarke looked completely composed. As if she hadn't just been bending over Lexa's desk with her skirt hiked up and a naughty smile on her face. As if she hadn't just given Lexa an extraordinary, close up view of her panties. As if said panties weren't wet right now.

“Looks like you lose,” Clarke said, voice even, “Let's see how long it takes for you to give up on your 'I don't fuck unless I'm in love' rule, shall we?”

What could Lexa do except stare dumbly after her as she left?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa scrubbed a hand down her face, entering the teacher's lounge and sinking down on the couch in defeat. Today was not her day. She thought about using the rest of her lunch break to grab something to eat but decided against it. Her stomach was churning enough as it was. Clarke Griffin was going to be the death of her, she just knew it. She decided to skip lunch, there wasn't long left anyway.

She wondered if Clarke was eating. Probably. The blonde was probably acting completely normal, like nothing had even happened. Just hanging out, eating and laughing with her friends like it was any other day.

She was interrupted from her musing by Costia. Taking her in with concern on her face as she entered the room.

“Hi,” Lexa managed a tight smile.

The truth was, Lexa was a little bit uncomfortable around Costia now that she knew the other teacher was into her. She'd had her suspicions, she'd noticed the flirting and the looks but she could brush it off as Costia being a natural flirt until Raven had confirmed those suspicions. And Costia wasn't someone she ever wanted to talk to when there was an uncomfortable wetness between her legs.

Still, as she observed the woman who was leaning back, against the table, she noticed that Costia was not unattractive. Her face was actually very pretty, her figure slim and petite. Her hair blonde and shiny. Bottled, she noticed, not natural like Clarke's light locks. Her eyes a pretty hazel. Lexa definitely would've noticed this woman usually.

At any normal time, Lexa would've been drawn to Costia. She would've flirted with her, maybe asked her to coffee. She definitely would've noticed the woman. After seeing Clarke, though, Lexa hadn't.

“Are you okay?” Costia cooed, “You don't look so good.”

“I'm okay,” Lexa shrugged, “I've just had a tough day.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Costia's hand came out, resting on Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa forced herself not to pull away, she really didn't need anyone touching her. Not in her current situation. Unless it was Clar- “Thanks.”

“A couple of us are heading to The Ark later, you should come.”

Lexa knew about The Ark, it was a local bar. Apparently the best one around. Anya had dragged her there the first night they moved to Polis. It had a chilled out, modern atmosphere and it held a nightclub upstairs. Maybe it would be a good idea to go. Get a couple of drinks, have some company but...

“Who's a couple of us?” Lexa squinted, crossing her fingers in the hopes that Costia didn't say 'Kyle Wick'.

“Raven's coming,” Costia teased, knowing that Lexa was more likely to turn up if the fiery Latina was involved.

Lexa smiled, “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Costia. I could do with a drink.”

“Great,” She smiled as if Lexa had made her day.

Lexa cringed internally. A text coming through distracted her as Costia left with a wave.

Unknown: Have you been able to stop thinking about me yet?

Lexa groaned. Turning her phone off and shoving it deep into her pocked. She needed this day to be over. It couldn't possibly get any worse.

- - - - - - - - - -

She was wrong.

She turned up at The Ark to find Costia, Raven, Echo, some teachers she didn't know very well yet and, of course, Kyle fucking Wick. She briefly wondered if she could just turn around and get the hell out of there. Apologize tomorrow, say that something came up. But then Raven was waving her over enthusiastically, with a big smile. And Lexa knew she couldn't leave because saying 'no' to Raven Reyes seemed impossible. To say the woman had grown on Lexa would be an understatement.

So she slipped into the booth next to Raven with a polite, “Hi, guys.”

She received smiles and nods before Raven was slapping an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her to the point of it being painful and laying a big, wet kiss on her cheek.

“Hey! I'm so glad you made it,” Raven grinned before lowering her voice to a volume only Lexa could hear, “These guys are so fucking dull, I swear I was about to hang myself in the bathroom. Imagine that, it would be fucking tragic. How would the world cope if they lost their very own Raven fucking Reyes.”

Lexa couldn't help but laugh. A warmth spreading through her chest. Raven's Raven-ness was becoming a familiarity to her, a constant in her life that she was defiantly better off for. Yes, the world would be exceptionally worse if Raven wasn't in it.

The evening hammered on. With Raven seemingly trying to get everyone drunker than they'd like to be. Costia flirting with her and her trying to back off but getting nudges and eyebrow waggles of approval from Raven. Raven and Echo, much to Lexa's disgust, discussing in detail Anya's 'hot' body. Vile Kyle – Yes, Lexa gave him the nickname and it had Raven laughing so hard she snorted – telling them about the girls him and his buddies hooked up with in college, the stories equally as long as they were disgusting and only realizing he should shut up when Raven punched him, giving him a dead arm and putting a scowl on his face. Thanks, Raven.

It wasn't until she turned her phone back on that she realized she had twelve missed calls from Anya and two missed called from the people she was renting her apartment from. She frowned, excusing herself and stepping outside to return Anya's calls.

“Ahn?”

“Where the hell have you been, Lexa?”

“I'm at The Ark, Costia invited me out for drinks,” Lexa explained, “What's going on?”

“There was a- wait a minute, Costia invited you out for drinks?”

“Yeah, it's...there's other people too. People from work, Raven's here,” Lexa said, a frown coming to her face, “Why did you call me a thousand times and why do I have missed calls from the apartment manager?”

“The apartment- hang on, you're out for drinks with Raven and you didn't invite me?”

“Anya!” Lexa huffed, “Just tell me what's going on!”

“You'd think I'd get an invite. My own sister, my flesh and blood-”

"I'm adopted."

"-think of the betrayal! How dare you-"

“Ahn!”

“Lex, there's no easy way to tell you this,” Anya said, making Lexa's anxiety climb, “You're homeless.”

“I'm...what?!” Lexa's eyes widened.

“There was a fire in the apartment below yours and...well, I'm sorry.”

“Holy fuck, did anyone get hurt?” Lexa's heart filled with dread.

“No, your downstairs neighbor left their curling iron on but they weren't home.”

“Good...that's good, that's what matters,” Lexa sighed in relief before her eyes flew open once more, “What about all my stuff, is...”

“Burnt, I told your apartment manager that we'd go over there tomorrow afternoon to see if there's anything salvageable but...it doesn't sound like there is.”

“Fuck,” Lexa felt close to tears, “What am I gonna do?”

“I-” Anya was cut of by what sounded like knocking, “Don't know, listen, squid. We'll figure it out just...let me call you back, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Lexa nodded dumbly. Waiting to hear Anya hang up before shoving her phone back into her pocket.

Fuck. Apparently it absolutely could get worse. What the fuck was she supposed to do now? This was supposed to be her year of relaxation and good times. So far she'd got infatuated with and almost kissed a student, heard way too much about Anya's sex life and managed to get her apartment burned down. Although, there was one good thing to come out of this year so far...

“Lexa?” Raven's voice sounded from behind her. The Latina's face coming into view in front of her, concern in her eyes.

Lexa did her best to blink away the tears but one still slid down her face, only to be stopped in it's trajectory by Raven's thumb, “What happened?”

Lexa shrugged sadly, “There was a fire in my apartment.”

“Wow, that's...wow,” Raven's eyes widened, “I'm sorry, that sucks.”

“Anya thinks all my stuff is gone and who knows how long it's going to take to find somewhere else.”

“What are you going to do?”

What was she going to do? “I guess Anya's going to be getting a bed buddy.”

“No,” Raven shook her head, a determined look coming to her face. Lexa frowned, confused, “You're coming home with me.”

“Oh, no,” Lexa was quick to dismiss the idea, “Raven, I can't.”

“You can and you will,” Raven said, her no-nonsense tone not quite fitting her, “Think about it. It's going to take you a while to get somewhere else sorted and then you'll probably have to buy furniture. Do you really want to spend all that time sharing your sister's hotel room when I have a perfectly good house and a spare room sitting empty?”

Lexa looked at her dubiously. It did make sense. She definitely wasn't going to add another hotel room onto her outgoings, it would be a waste of money and Raven didn't seem to mind. But living with Raven meant also living with...

“No,” She shook her head, “Raven, you're the best friend I've ever met but it would be too much. I don't want to impose and what about Clarke? I-”

“Lex!” Raven cut her off, “Don't be an asshole, we'd love to have you. You'd brighten up the place and you'd bring up our group average on the attractive scale, don't tell her I said this but without make up, that girl is a dog.”

Raven's joke did it's job to make Lexa laugh.

“Also,” Raven piped up, “There's one very important factor that we haven't even pointed out.”

“What's that?” Lexa frowned.

“You don't have a choice,” Raven grinned cheekily.

Lexa chuckled, “Okay but...only if Clarke's okay with it.”

“We can ask her when we see her but I know she'll say yes,” Raven smiled, giving Lexa's shoulder a playful nudge, “So, roomie, shall we go home?”

“Yeah,” Lexa smiled gratefully, “Thanks, Raven. What would I do without you?”

“Let me tell you, your life would be a hot damn mess, a steaming hot pile of garbage with a dollop of sadness and a sprinkling of tragedy.”

“Sounds about right.”

Chapter Text

6. Kiss Me

Lexa was going to be staying with Raven. In Raven's house. In Raven's house where Clarke lived. And Lexa was worried. She could barely resist Clarke when the blonde got all seductive at school but at home too? Lexa ignored her subconscious for laughing at her and asking her who she was trying to kid by calling this 'resisting Clarke'.

She just had to steel herself and from now on, be respectful. So she followed Raven home and hoped that the Latina would let her borrow some clothes to sleep in, just for tonight, she'd borrow some from Anya or buy some tomorrow. And sent prayers from her mind to the Gods of sexual arousal, surely there were such Gods, asking them to please free her from this insanity. At least for as long as she was living with Raven and Clarke.

But upon entering the house, Lexa bulked as a loud, guttural moan was heard. Rave just shrugged, pushing Lexa further into the kitchen as the guttural moan was followed by a manly grunt and then a high pitched whine. Lexa realized the noises were coming from Clarke's room.

“You'll get use to it,” Raven shrugged, making her way to the blonde's room, “The kid likes to fuck.”

Would she get use to it? Would she really?

Another filthy moan of pleasure sounded. A sinful sound that, embarrassingly, shot straight to Lexa's core. Raven used her fist to bang loudly on the door.

“Shut up, Clarke!” Raven shouted, “You're not a porn star so you don't need to sound like one!”

“Fuck off, Ra-VEN!” The 'ven' in Clarke's speech coming out in a loud moan.

Raven's eyes widened dramatically, “Don't say my name when there's a dick inside you!”

Lexa couldn't help but laugh, earning herself a shove when Raven made it to her. After that they decided to turn in since it would be pretty awkward to hang out while trying to pretend those noises weren't happening.

- - - - - - - - - -

The next morning she felt like death. Probably thanks to the alcohol and crying. She probably looked like shit too. She hadn't showered yet, she hadn't even bothered to wash off last night's make up, making her eyes were too itchy for her contacts so her glasses were shoved onto her face. When she dragged herself to the kitchen Raven was already there, ready to welcome her with a pot of freshly brewed coffee. At least it was a fucking Saturday.

Lexa made an appreciative sound in the back of her throat, “I love you.”

“Are you talking to me or the coffee?” Raven smirked, “Because if it's me then I'm going to start thinking you have a thing for all the women within my bloodline. Want me to introduce you to Clarke's mom?”

Lexa laughed, taking the mug of coffee in her hands and taking a deep breath of the stream before a thought made her pause, “Clarke has a mom?” She frowned at herself, that was probably beyond rude, “Sorry, I didn't mean to...I just assumed, I don't even know. I'll shut up.”

“It's okay,” Raven nudged her, leaning her elbows next to Lexa's on the breakfast bar, “Clarke does have a mom, she just...after Clarke's dad died, her mom hasn't been the best so she lives with me.”

Lexa nodded in understanding, it wasn't her business, “You two are close, it's nice.”

“We grew up together, when Clarke was born I was only five and our moms were really close back then,” Raven shrugged, “My dad and Clarke's mom are sibling but my dad bailed and my mom wanted me to grow up with family so we stayed close. Clarke was my little mini me when she was little. Always following me around, trying to do everything I could do. I use to get so told off when that little brat use to fall down from trees.”

Lexa smiled softly at the story, thinking of little Raven and baby Clarke getting into mischief, “That's really nice. That bond.”

“Like you and Anya?” Raven asked.

“Kind of,” Lexa swallowed, “I was adopted by her parents when I was eight and she was ten, she looked out for me. She's always been my knight in shining armor.”

Raven smiled, “I'd never of guessed,” Raven's eyes widened, “You didn't say anything when I said your family has good genetics.”

Lexa just shrugged, sometimes it was easier not to discuss and it wasn't usually the first thing she told people.

The sound of Clarke's bedroom door opening pulled their attention to the blonde walking towards them. Clad only in a thin robe. Her hair mused and a sway in her hips. To put it bluntly, the blonde looked like she'd been thoroughly fucked.

“Gimme coffee,” She grumbled, a little smile adorning her soft lips. Her voice gruff from sleep, or lack there of.

“Good night?” Raven teased, setting a cup of coffee in front of the blonde.

Clarke shrugged casually, eyes flitting to Lexa, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Lexa returned the sentiment and couldn't help the little smile that came to her face.

“There was a fire in Lexa's apartment building.”

The blonde's eyebrows furrowed together in concern, “Did anyone get hurt?"

“No,” Lexa shook her head, her heart beating just a little bit faster at that being Clarke's first question.

“But Lexa's taking the guest room for a bit,” Raven said, topping up her and Lexa's mugs.

“If it's okay with you,” Lexa hurried to say but the blonde just gave her a lopsided smile.

“Why wouldn't it be?” Clarke asked, eyebrow raised.

Lexa's mouth fell open but whatever it was she was about to say became void when the bedroom door opened once again, revealing a handsome guy. Clarke didn't bother to look round when the shirtless guy strolled up and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. His chin resting on her shoulder after he'd placed a kiss on her neck.

“Um, hi?” Raven eyed him, eyes narrowing quizzically and earning a giggle from Clarke.

“Sorry. This is my cousin, Raven and her friend, Lexa. And this is...” A lazy smile formed on the blonde's face when the guy's hand slipped into the front of her robe, “Um, what's your name?”

“Lincoln,” He laughed, giving her a squeeze.

“Right,” Clarke giggled again, “This is Lincoln.”

“You forgot his name? Real classy, Clarke,” Raven rolled her eyes, “Where did you find this one? Weren't you in my mech class yesterday afternoon?”

The guy, Lincoln, nodded.

“Yeah,” Clarke explained, “He's new to Polis so I offered to give him a tour.”

“Of what, your vagina?” Raven dead panned, making Clarke laugh, Lexa's eyes widen and Lincoln smile.

“It was a very...informative tour,” Clarke turned her face, leaning back slightly so she could look at Lincoln, “Wouldn't you say?”

He nodded.

“Wow, a real talker,” Raven joked.

“I'm going to set him up with O,” Clarke smiled, “I think she'd love him and Linc here, is looking for commitment.”

“Poor boy, innocently looking for a nice girlfriend and falls into your filthy hands,” Raven teased.

“I'm not that bad. I am going to set him up with Octavia, I just figured I should,” Clarke smirked, looping an arm around Lincoln's neck, “Take him for a test drive first.”

“And you're okay with that?” Raven directed her question towards Lincoln.

He shrugged, “I like new experiences.”

“I get that,” Raven laughed, “I bet that was the first time a girl ever called out her cousin's name while in bed with ya.”

He just nodded with a small chuckle. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Well I forgot his name, didn't I? Had to say something,” She joked with a wink.

When Raven noticed the look on Lexa's face she burst out laughing, “Awe, cool it, Clarke. Lexie-Lou is way too innocent for us.”

“I'm not...I just,” Lexa gulped, turning red as all eyes were on her, “Um...”

“Poor baby,” Clarke giggled before grabbing Lincoln's hand, turning to the boy, “Come on, let's take a shower.”

“I thought you were setting him up with O?” Raven called after them.

Clarke turned back before she could lead Lincoln into her bedroom, a smirk on her face, “I am! After I shower with him.”

“That girl,” Raven rolled her eyes with a chuckle.

- - - - - - - - - -

As her and Anya found out when they went to see what they could salvage, all of her stuff had been 'sacrificed to the Gods of fire'. According to Anya, anyway. Still, Anya bought her a smoothie from Grounder's Cafe to make her feel better. Then they'd picked up Madison on the way to Anya's hotel room. Lexa was sad to tell Marcus that Madison couldn't have sleepovers with her for the time being but she didn't want to give up on her time with the toddler altogether. She also didn't want to ask Raven if she could have Madison there, Raven would feel like she had to say yes and not everyone enjoyed kids.

Madison seemed to be enjoying the hotel room anyway, especially the massive bed that Lexa was helping her to bounce on. Anya just watched them in amusement with her arms crossed, this was first time Anya was meeting the toddler.

“She's cute,” Anya observed.

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed with a smile.

“No,” Anya shook her head, “Not like the usual 'I'm a kid and I'm cute' kinda way, in the she's actually really freaking adorable kinda way.”

Lexa chuckled, “She's the most adorable little one ever.”

“You know mom's coming to visit right?”

Lexa had forgotten all about that, “Is she staying here?”

“Yep, she booked a room,” Anya nodded, “She's bringing the bro too.”

Now that made Lexa smile, she loved their little brother. Aden had been adopted just four years ago and although Lexa and Anya didn't live at home anymore so it wasn't anything like their sibling bond, they were still close with the fourteen year old knuckle head.

“I have a feeling he's gonna want to hang out at your place,” Anya smirked, sending Lexa a 'really?' look when Lexa frowned, “Have you seen who you live with? Clarke Griffin and Raven Reyes in the same room? Throw a fourteen year old boy into that equation and you'll find every soft surface crusty.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose at that image, “He's not going to jerk off over Clarke and Raven, Anya.”

“Why not? You do,” Anya smirked, “Over Clarke anyway.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Let's talk about something else. This discussion isn't exactly kid friendly.”

Anya eyed Madison where the little girl was still jumping, paying close attention to her feet while she held tightly to Lexa's hands, “Alright. New topic, are you going to be okay living with Clarke?”

Lexa's jaw tightened, “Yes.”

“Really?”

“No,” Lexa sighed, “I'm so in love with her, Anya, it's ridiculous.”

“Shall I update ma and pa in the bi monthly newsletter?” Anya quipped.

“No way, Indra would have a stroke if she knew I was being so pathetic about a student.”

“Please, Indra would just be happy that you could actually get a date,” Anya waited for Lexa to look at her, “We have a bet going on, Gus thinks you're secretly married to a celebrity. Aden thinks you're still in love with your ex, what's-her-face? The ugly one.”

Lexa scoffed, “Charming. And what did you bet?”

“That you're too much of a loser to even get a girl,” Anya grinned.

“Thanks, Ahn. Your support is greatly appreciated,” Lexa frowned, focused on helping Madison when the little girl squirmed, wanting to sit, “Wait, what about Indra?”

“Indra didn't take part in the bet, she's worried that you turned straight but are too scared to tell us.”

“Well you can assure Indra that the ship sailed a long time ago on that,” Lexa smiled.

“I don't think we're in any danger of that as long as Clarke Griffin is around,” Anya sent her a wink, “You know Indra though, she loves how culturally diverse we all are. Heaven forbid if one of us became a cookie cutter.”

Lexa shook her head with a laugh.

“Does this kid talk then or what?” Anya asked.

“Yes, she does. Be nice please, she's shy,” Lexa sent her sister a pointed look before bending down near Madison's ear, “You wanna say hi to Anya?”

Madison glanced between Lexa and Anya with big eyes, grabbing Lexa's shirt to pull their faces closer. She needed to have Lexa near her, like a security blanket. She turned her little face, blinking up at Anya, “Hi, Anna.”

Anya just about melted, “So freaking adorable.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Once Lexa got home she was in a great mood, spending the day with Anya and Madison really cheered her up. And getting back to Raven's to find Clarke, curled up on the couch in comfy pajamas and a book, just made her day even better.

“Hey,” Lexa greeted, pulling Clarke's attention to her.

“Hey,” The blonde sent her a soft smile, grabbing the empty mug off the coffee table and waving it in Lexa's direction, “I made hot cocoa, you can have some if you get me a refill? I'm too comfy to move.”

Lexa couldn't help but to smile, giving Clarke a nod. A few minutes later setting two steaming hot mugs on the coffee table and sitting on the couch next to the blonde, making sure to keep a respectful distance.

“I just wanted to say thanks, for letting me stay here,” Lexa said softly, letting her eyes settle on the blonde in front of her.

“You're welcome,” Clarke smiled, “I'm glad you're here.”

“You are?” Lexa's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Mhm, now there's less travelling involved in my plan to seduce you,” Clarke quipped, knocking her knee against Lexa's.

Lexa chuckled, feeling her cheek tinge pink. Lexa loved Clarke like this, smiling and happy. She seemed free, it was times like this that the girl's demons seemed at bay. Her eyes gentle, her voice soft and what seemed to be a calm energy within her. Lexa wished Clarke could always be this at ease.

“What are you reading?” Lexa asked, trying to change the subject. Clarke glanced down to the book laying open in her lap, flipping the cover so that Lexa could see the worn looking front cover, “Alice in Wonderland?”

Clarke nodded, blue eyes on Lexa's, “It might be silly, reading a children's book, but it's one of my favorites.”

“It's not silly,” Lexa smiled reassuringly, “I have a copy of Black Beauty that's just as worn,” Lexa paused, face falling, “Had. It was in my apartment.”

Her heart broke a little bit for the demise of her favorite book. Gustus had bought it for her when she was a child, they'd spend hours at this little, second hand bookshop. She'd felt ever so proud the first time he'd asked her to pick something out and she'd produced the copy and it hadn't left her side since. It was the first time she'd really felt bonded to him as a parent. She blinked away the threatening tears and thanked her lucky stars that she'd left her other sentimental items at home with Indra. It hadn't made sense taking them with her when she was travelling so much.

“I'm sorry,” Clarke's eyebrows pinched in concern and Lexa just wanted to kiss away the little crease they made, “It's hard losing things that are important to you.”

Lexa just nodded, curious about the far away look the clouded over Clarke's eyes but a second later the blonde blinked and it was gone, “So, why Alice?”

“I don't know,” The blonde's chin dipped bashfully, “My dad use to read it to me, I grew up loving it.”

Lexa swallowed, her face softening. She brought her fingers up, beneath Clarke's chin. Tilting the blonde's head back up delicately until their eyes met. Her voice coming out barely above a whisper and softer than she thought possible, “I know what it's like to lose someone too.”

She could see the moment recognition flickered in those blue eyes. Clarke blinked slowly. Her mouth opening slightly and then the moment was over and the blonde pulled away, clearing her throat along with the build up tension.

“Do you read a lot?”

Lexa bit her lip, nodding in confirmation.

Clarke laughed, “Of course, you're an English teacher.”

“Actually, I'm not,” Lexa waited for Clarke's eyes, the blonde's head cocked to the side in confusion, “I'm a writer, I'm just taking a year out and my uncle got me the teaching job.”

“Oh,” Clarke said and Lexa couldn't help but pay attention to the perfect 'O' the blonde's mouth formed when she said the word, “Anything I might of read?”

Lexa shrugged, she'd seen the copies of two of her books tucked into the book case in Clarke's room the night she'd helped the blonde to bed but she wasn't going to say that. There was some sex in her books and she didn't need the blonde using it against her.

Clarke replied with her own shrug before a little smirk came to her face, “It's good knowing you're not really a teacher. It'll make me feel less guilty when we have sex.”

Lexa's mouth dropped open but she couldn't help but laugh at Clarke's boldness, “When? So it's definitely happening?”

“Yep, it's just a matter of time,” Clarke nodded, a giggle leaving her but then her voice lowered to a seductive rasp and she was only inches away, eyes searching Lexa's face, “Before you're mine.”

Lexa gulped, eyes flicking between Clarke's eyes and mouth. The air around them becoming thick with tension. They were so close that Lexa could count Clarke's eyelashes. Her hand came up, cupping the side of Clarke's neck. Thumb absent mindedly stroking across the blonde's jaw. Lexa held her breath in anticipation.

“Don't run this time,” Clarke's gravelly whisper hit her like the warmth of home, the blonde's breath tickling her skin.

All Lexa could do was shake her head. No, she wasn't going to run. She wanted this. She wanted Clarke more than anything she'd ever wanted. The fingers of her other hand found purchase in the front of Clarke's soft sweater as she held her breath, pulling the blonde the last few millimeters and their lips bumped together, not in a kiss, just brushing. Lexa's face turning slightly so she could nose along Clarke's cheek, feeling the soft skin there before bringing their mouths back together. Their lips brushing and...

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Their eyes opened, all Lexa could see was Clarke's bright blue eyes, filled with arousal. Fuck. She pulled herself away to answer the door. She didn't miss the disappointment on the blonde's face but she shot Clarke what she hoped was a reassuring look. Lexa took a deep breath, squeezing Clarke's shoulder on her way passed and hoping she didn't look like she had been just about to kiss the teenager senseless. She flung the door open and immediately scowled.

Kyle fucking Wick.

Chapter Text

7. Broken

Lexa was not happy. There she was, having a wonderful time with her favorite blonde and then Kyle fucking Wick just had to turn up and ruin it. She took a slurp of her hot cocoa. The fact it was made by Clarke comforting her somewhat. She'd settled back in her spot, leaving Wick to sit on the other couch. Not missing the way Clarke was sending her little smiles.

“Come on, Lexa,” Wick rolled his eyes, a cheeky smirk on his face, “You could at least pretend to like me.”

Lexa scowled even more, “I stopped pretending to like boys in high school.”

Clarke's snort of amusement? That made her smile.

Wick frowned, “How long did you say Raven was going to be?”

“I didn't,” Clarke narrowed her eyes.

Lexa looked at her, seeing Clarke's eyes narrow. Maybe Clarke didn't like him either. She wondered why.

“Come on, Clarke,” His gaze landing obviously on her chest, tilting his head, “You could always entertain me while I wait.”

Oh, maybe that was why. Lexa's jaw tightened, she wasn't going to put up with that asshole talking to like like that-

“Fuck off, Wick,” Clarke snapped, with an eye roll, “I'm sure you have enough practice entertaining yourself.”

Lexa couldn't help but be impressed. Clarke could handle herself and she was proud. She subconsciously shifted closer to the blonde.

Wick laughed, “You help a lot with my self entertainment.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose, how dare this asshole fantasize about Clarke while he got his rocks off...but then, she wasn't much better, was she? Lexa's face dipped. She would've kissed Clarke if he hadn't of shown up. Her stomach dropped to her feet.

“Back the fuck off or I'll touch your special place but not in the way you want me to,” Clarke spat, “And stop staring at my tits.”

Lexa bit her lip, she stared at Clarke's tits too. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Wick hold his hands up in surrender but his smirk remained intact. Luckily Raven was through the door in the next moment, boxes of pizza stacked in her hands.

“Hope you bitches are hungry because the pizza place was doing two for one and- Wick? What are you doing here?”

“Thought I'd stop by to see you, baby,” Wick stood up with a grin.

She could see Clarke scowl and feel the bile rise in her throat.

“Oh, uh,” Raven set the pizzas down on the breakfast bar, “Let's talk outside.”

Wick followed her out the front door and then Clarke turned to her, placing a hand on her thigh with a small smile but Lexa felt sick. She was just as bad as Kyle fucking Wick. Worse even, she'd almost kissed the blonde. She pulled away.

“Lexa?” Clarke's eyes scanned her face in confusion.

Lexa just shook her head, getting up and walking into the kitchen to get plates.

Ten minutes later and Raven and Lexa were sitting at the breakfast bar, Clarke was sitting on the breakfast bar with one of the pizza boxes open between them as they helped themselves. Plates ignored on the side. Lexa noticed the little confused looks Clarke was sending her but worked hard to keep her eye contact away from the blonde.

“Wer ha'n am pe ty nit,” Raven mumbled, mouth full as she chowed down on her third slice like a champ.

“What?” Lexa ducked her head in confusion.

Raven made a show of chewing and swallowing, “We're having a party tonight.”

Lexa frowned, Raven had just sent her boyfriend away, “Wick isn't invited?”

“Fuck no,” Raven frowned, jerking her thumb towards Clarke, “You think I'd trust Vile Kyle with this one? Where there's alcohol? And bedrooms?”

Lexa's eyebrows rose in surprise, Raven had a point. But then, why was she allowed to stay?

“Vile Kyle?” Clarke laughed, “Good one. Can I invite Bell and O?”

“Lexa came up with it,” Raven smiled, “Yeah, invite whoever. I figured you'd want to so I haven't invited any teachers.”

“I'll stay out of the way,” Lexa said, eyes darting to Clarke for a split second but the girl was busy inspecting her pizza.

“No fucking way,” Raven shoved at Lexa's shoulder, almost making her topple before she quickly righted herself with a hand on the breakfast bar, “You live here too, asshole. You can party with us.”

Lexa couldn't help but smile, there's no way she could ever feel excluded with a friend like Raven Reyes but, “I'm a teacher though.”

“You're not really a teacher,” Clarke piped up, “You're a writer.”

Lexa pursed her lips, avoiding eye contact but nodding and ignoring the confused look Raven sent her way.

- - - - - - - - - -

The party was in full swing. There were people everywhere. Music was blaring. The lights were dimmed. And the floor was littered with plastic cups. Raven Reyes knew how to throw a fucking party. And after attempting to go to the bathroom only to walk in to find four people in a state of undress, Lexa realized that Raven was right. A Raven Reyes party always had at least one orgy. She'd lost sight of Raven a while back. After Anya arriving in fact, not that Lexa had invited her. That was Raven's doing.

She found her way to the sitting room couch, clutching a whiskey. She noticed that Clarke's copy of Alice in Wonderland was still sitting open on the coffee table and carefully shut it, tucking it into the basket that lay under the table for safe keeping. She was just settling back onto the couch when Clarke came through to the sitting area, trailed by Octavia. She pulled out her phone so that it seemed like she was busy if she was noticed.

“Picturing you with Linc is so gross though,” Octavia said, following Clarke's lead and sprawling out next to the blonde on the other couch.

“Then don't,” Came Clarke's short reply.

“Where's the fun in that?” Octavia laughed, before turning serious again, “You know I don't like sharing guys with you, Griff.”

“O, seriously. I introduced you to him today you can't be annoyed that I slept with him before you even knew of his existence.”

“But I really like him,” Octavia whined.

“That's great, I hope you guys hit it off.”

“Yeah but...” There was a pause before Octavia's voice came out concerned, “What if he compares me to you, you know, in bed.”

“He won't,” Clarke's voice softened.

“How do you know?”

Clarke sighed, “Because guys don't do that, not in the way you're thinking. Besides, he seems like a really good guy. He'll appreciate you for you.”

“You're the best, you always make me feel better,” Octavia said before giggling, “So how big is his cock?”

Lexa cringed internally, she didn't want to be within earshot of this conversation but if she left now then they'd notice her for sure.

“Can't remember,” Clarke grumbled.

“What? I thought you said you weren't drunk yesterday?” Octavia said worriedly, “Clarke, please tell me you haven't been drinking like before-”

“Jesus, Octavia!” Clarke snapped, “Maybe I just don't want to discuss the size of Lincoln dick, I've known the guy a day!”

“Never stopped you before,” Octavia's tone took on a sulky lilt, “At least tell me if he was good? Did he make you come?”

“What the fuck do you want from me? He's ten fucking inches, hung like a fucking horse! And he made me come ten fucking times, one time per inch! Is that what you want to fucking hear?”

Clarke sounded so angry. It pained Lexa to hear the frustration in the blonde's voice.

“Jeez, who peed in your cornflakes this morning?”

“I'm sorry,” Clarke's voice came out small, anger evaporated, “I...I'm finding things...really...hard.”

“I know, it's okay,” Octavia said softly, “We just need to distract you better, that's all. So...who are you taking back to your room tonight?”

“I don't know, O,” Clarke sounded defeated, “I had sex this morning, I don't know if I want to-”

“Come on, Griff. What distracts you better than alcohol and a nice fuck? What are you in the mood for tonight?”

“Girls,” Clarke said, making Lexa bite the inside of her lip.

“Then girls shall be yours to have, my friend,” Octavia laughed, “But...just for the record, Linc doesn't actually have a ten inch-”

“No, Octavia,” Clarke chuckled, “Of course he doesn't.”

“Hey, isn't that our English teacher?”

Fuck. Lexa prayed her pink cheeks wouldn't show up in this light, they wouldn't know that she could hear them as long as she didn't look suspicious.

“Yeah,” Clarke said, voice dropping an octave, “She lives here.”

“How come you live with two of your teachers, yet you can do whatever the hell you want? You're literally drinking and snorting coke right now in the same house as two of your teachers. I had to tell my mom that we were having a PG sleepover just to come over, if she ever knew I'd attended a party she'd ground me for life.”

Lexa frowned at that. Clarke took coke?

“Because one of them is my cousin and the other cares more about getting a good view of my tits than my drinking habits,” Clarke grumbled, “Come on, let's go outside. Please don't let me sleep with Niylah tonight...or your brother...or both of them at the same time.”

“Ew.”

“You say that but they did suggest it earlier so...don't let me, okay?”

“You got it.”

And with that they left. And Lexa's mind was reeling.

- - - - - - - - - -

She'd retreated to her room sometime after midnight. After the conversation she'd overheard between Clarke and Octavia she just couldn't concentrate. One thing was for certain. She was right about Clarke hiding parts of herself, that much was made clear by whatever Clarke needed to distract herself from. It sound deep, dark, like she was running from it only for it to keep catching up with her. She wondered what it was but there were too many possibilities.

And was that really what Clarke thought of her? That she cared more about objectifying Clarke than about Clarke herself? She kicked herself, thinking she must have given off that impression. It wasn't true. Yes, she loved the way Clarke looked, there was no denying that. But she really did care about Clarke, maybe more than almost anyone else. It hurt her when the blonde wasn't happy.

And drugs? What the hell was Clarke thinking? Drugs were dangerous. But then she thought back to her own youth. There would be drugs at every party and her and Anya had definitely dabbled. It was the norm to do so.

The sound of her phone ringing pulled her from her thoughts, frowning when she saw it was Marcus.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Lexa, hey...how are you?”

“It's...” She glanced at her phone, “Almost one am, what's the matter?”

“Um, I'm alone with Madison this weekend and well...she's upset and she's asking for you.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Now I don't want to trouble you but-”

“No, it's fine. You know I love her.”

She hung up, pulling a hoodie on over her tank top and hoping to get through the crowd downstairs in once piece. The only problem was that when she opened her door she heard Clarke in the hallway, yelling into her phone.

“Dad would never let you do this!” The blonde growled.

“He isn't here and it's about time you remembered that!” Came the voice from the other end.

“This isn't what he would've wanted, he-”

“You can't keep using him like this.”

“Using him?”

Lexa decided to just step out of her room, she needed to get going and this sounded like it could take a while so she hoped that she could just slip past. But as blue met green, apparently Lexa had...

“He's dead because of you, Clarke.”

...the worst timing ever.

“Stop calling me.”

“Clarke, I-”

“Don't,” Clarke spat, holding her hand up swiftly, stopping Lexa from saying anything else.

Lexa sighed as the blonde disappeared into the bathroom. She needed to get to Madison.

- - - - - - - - - -

Madison was indeed, very upset.

She'd been met at the door by an extremely anxious Marcus, who'd immediately ushered her into the living room where Madison sat on the couch. Big blue eyes, red rimmed. Big, fat tears running down her face. And her curls sticking to the back of neck with sweat, thanks to her excursions.

“Oh, little one,” Lexa cooed.

Madison immediately reached for her, a big sob getting caught in her throat as Lexa cradled her small frame, “Lesssssaaaaaaa.”

“It's okay, you're okay,” Lexa pressed kisses to her temple.

They sat for a while, rocking back and forth. Lexa cooing reassurances into her hair. Madison clinging to her for dear life and stuffing her little face into Lexa's neck. Marcus hovering worriedly in the doorway. It took a good twenty minutes before the sobs turned into sniffles and the toddlers eyes started drooping.

“Are you sure you can't take her back to yours?” Marcus quipped.

Lexa smiled, “I wish. There's actually a party going on over there.”

“So...I'll go to the party and you stay with the baby?”

Lexa laughed, “Trust me, I'd rather be with Madison than at a party any day of the week.”

“You're so good with her, Lexa,” Marcus said, gazing fondly over the pair, “You really are. I don't know what I would do without you.”

Lexa smiled, pressing her lips to a damp cheek, “I can have her tomorrow.”

“That would be fantastic, you don't mind?”

“I don't mind,” Lexa moved to get up and a little hand shot out, grabbing her hair.

Big blue eyes fixed on hers, a little bottom lip trembling, “Lessa, don't leave.”

“I'm not leaving,” Lexa pecked her nose, turning to Marcus, “Do you have a spare room?”

“Yes, yes,” Her nodded, “It's...well it was...”

Lexa nodded sadly, it use to be Madison's mom's room. She climbed the stairs, the little girl secure in her arms and settled into the room. Once they were in bed she couldn't help but scan the room for any clues as to who this person was or who they use to be but the room was bare. It was clear that they didn't even want the memory of Madison's mom in the house.

She sighed, turning her full attention back onto the toddler. Madison stared at her, a hand woven into Lexa's hair so that Lexa's couldn't go anywhere and the thumb of her other hand firmly in her mouth.

“Let's get some sleep, little one,” Lexa whispered, pulling her closer, “I'll be here when you wake up.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Hey,” Lexa greeted Raven with a smile.

She'd spent the day at the park with Madison, feeding the beloved ducks and sharing a picnic. Madison hadn't been very happy when Lexa had dropped her off at home but she'd soothed the little girl with promises of seeing her soon and made it home herself at three pm.

“What's up, lesbo?” Raven smiled back, looking up from the TV show she was watching and eyeing Lexa over the back of the couch.

“Lesbo?” Lexa raised an eyebrow.

Raven shrugged, “I'm just trying out some nicknames.”

“I have a nickname,” Lexa pouted, “It's 'Lexa'.”

“Yeah but that's lame.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, slumping onto the opposite couch. She'd been thinking all day about whether she should bring it up or not with Raven but in the end she figured she could if she was careful, “Did you know there was coke here last night?”

Fuck. She had not meant to say it like that. She was supposed to be subtle. Jesus, maybe Anya was right. Maybe she really was useless.

Raven's eyes fixed on her, eyebrow raised, “Clarke?”

Lexa pursed her lips and nodded. Watching as Raven's smile fell.

“Clarke's...dealing with a lot. She's been known to do a bump or two when things get tough for her,” Raven trailed off, looking a little worried.

Lexa nodded, not sure if she could really add anything. It wasn't her place to after all, “Where is she anyway?”

“She isn't up yet, she's probably got a raging bangover.”

“A...what?”

“You know when you get really drunk and you bang someone? It's the regret of the banging and the hangover. A bangover,” Raven explained, making Lexa laugh at the Raven-ism, “She'll probably be up soon.”

As if on cue, they heard Clarke's bedroom door open and the blonde came into their line of sight. And she didn't look happy. She was freshly showered, her hair damp, her face clean. Wearing baggy pants and an equally baggy sweater. Her facial expression blank, her eyes looking empty. Lexa had never seen Clarke look so...broken. The moment the cousins made eye contact Clarke's face crumpled. Tears steaming down her face, sobs echoing through her throat. It made Lexa hurt.

She watched as Clarke collapsed into Raven's waiting arms, curling into her embrace like a child. Much like Madison did with Lexa last night.

“I can't do it anymore, Rae,” The sobbed racked Clarke's petite frame, “It hurts too much”

“You can and you will,” Raven said firmly, squeezing the blonde tight, “You have to. Remember?”

Lexa's teeth dug into her lip so hard that she tasted blood. She'd do anything to take away the obvious pain Clarke was feeling. She wanted nothing more than to make everything in Clarke's world perfect. Her heart sank when she realized she was probably imposing on an incredibly intimate moment between the cousins.

“I'll go upstairs,” She said as softly as she could, her eyes fixed on Clarke, “Clarke, if you need anything...”

She trailed off, eyes flickering to Raven and being spurred on by Raven's thankful smile.

“I'm here.”

Chapter Text

8. You're Payin'

Lexa had decided to make breakfast that morning. Firstly, it was Monday, Mondays were hard for everyone. There was just something about the transition from being your free self to being a caged conformer, that made a person want to die. Secondly, Lexa felt that Raven had probably had a tough night and Clarke definitely had. So, she made pancakes.

Clarke was the first to emerge, slipping silently into a breakfast stool and avoiding any eye contact. Her whole demeanor was quiet. Lexa was saved from having to try to think of something to say by Raven coming, noisily, into the kitchen, looking disheveled and sleep deprived.

“I swear Monday should just die already, what the fuck is the point of them?” Raven complained, sinking down into the seat next to Clarke, “Although...if Mondays were no longer Mondays then I guess Tuesdays would be Mondays and then Tuesdays would suck major balls so we'd be fucked anyway...I guess we should just quit our jobs and move to the Bahamas, sound good?”

Lexa chuckled at Raven squinting up at her, “Sure, sounds good.”

“Great, coz you're payin'.”

“Wait, what?” Lexa frowned.

“You're loaded right? So you give me all your money and I can retire happily in the Bahamas, kay?”

“How about,” Lexa turned quickly, grabbing the fresh stack of pancakes she'd made and holding them up with a goofy smile, “I give you pancakes instead?”

Raven frowned at her for a moment before shrugging, “Eh, close enough.”

She fixed the three of them plates and they ate in comfortable silence, except for the slurping sounds made by Raven every time she reached for her coffee. The quiet carried until Raven had gotten her fill of pancakes and turned to Clarke.

“You feelin' better, Clarkey?”

The blonde shrugged, eyes downcast, “I don't know.”

“Wanna stay home today?” Raven asked, rubbing a hand up and down Clarke's back.

Clarke shook her head no, “I want to get my mind off...stuff.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Raven nodded, “But if you want to come home just text me. You were pretty bad last night.”

“I know,” Clarke sent her cousin a flat smile, “Everything just got on top of me and then...when you wake up knowing you've screwed someone but have no idea who, I guess you know it's bad.”

A humorless chuckle left the blonde's throat before she visibly deflated.

“It's okay, Clarke,” Raven nudged her, “With what's going on with you at the moment, you're doing a lot better than most people would. Okay?”

Clarke nodded but made no movement to involve herself in any more conversation.

- - - - - - - - - -

As usual, Clarke was late to English class. Lexa just expected it now. She had to admit, having English as your first lesson every day would no doubt be a pain in the ass. Especially on a Monday morning. Whose brain functioned enough to psychoanalyze Shakespeare or personify an Emily Dickenson poem that early in the morning? Still, Lexa thought, at least she didn't teach math. Actually, she'd be pretty incapable of teaching math.

It was like a routine, Clarke being late. Maybe it would feel odd if the blonde made it on time and throw Lexa's whole day off course. She was so use to the rhythmic rap of knuckles against her door fifteen minutes into her class and then the blonde creeping over to her seat. And today was no different.

There was Clarke, late as usual. Sitting next to Octavia. Lexa wouldn't call her out on it, not after knowing that Clarke was going through something. Not after seeing how broken Clarke seemed, curled up on the couch with Raven. Sobbing into the Latina's shoulder. Not after seeing how subdued Clarke had been that morning, pushing pancakes around her plate with a fork but barely consuming any. And Lexa knew she made good pancakes, the pancakes weren't the problem.

Once she'd explained the task and the class had settled into completing it, she noticed that Clarke and Octavia weren't. She noticed that they were just chatting with each other in hushed tones instead. She wasn't going to comment on that either, she was just genuinely relieved to see Clarke engaged with her friend and even sharing a few subtle laughs.

She looked at her phone subtly when she felt it vibrate.

Anya: Sister bonding at The Ark tonight?

That was probably a good idea. She was already planning on seeing Madison after work. She wanted to stay out of the house and give Clarke and Raven some space, she knew that if she was having a difficult time then the last thing she'd want is someone she didn't know very well to be in her space. This way she could be out of the house until late, maybe Anya would be up for grabbing some dinner before heading to The Ark. She vaguely remembered Anya mentioning that Echo's brother owned a restaurant.

Lexa: Count me in. Dinner first? At Echo's bro's place?

Anya: Azgeda? They do really good burgers. I'm up for dinner. 7?

Lexa: I'll be there.

Anya: I'd hope so. You're paying.

Lexa chuckled after reading Anya's latest text. Of course.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Clarke seemed a little happier this morning,” Lexa mused.

Raven, who was sprawled out on the couch in the teacher's lounge, turned to face Lexa. Chewing thoughtfully on her sandwich. The duo had taken to eating in teacher's lounge over the cafeteria, it was quieter. And, more importantly, there was no Kyle Wick. Although Costia tended to pop in and join them at some point throughout lunch.

“She's a good kid,” Raven rolled her eyes at herself, “Scratch that, I would never think of her as a kid. She's been through way to much to be considered a child. Clarke always manages to claw her way back to sanity, every time she hits rock bottom.”

Lexa frowned, eyeing her friend, “Does she hit rock bottom often?”

Raven shrugged non-committaly, “It comes in waves with Clarke. She's working towards something and usually that keeps her feet on the ground but then everything gets too much and she gets into this spiral of losing control. She drinks, sleeps around...sometimes does a little more than that.”

Lexa nodded. She knew Raven was talking about the coke.

“It's all just...it's shitty but she knows it and then somehow she pulls herself back together,” Raven shrugged, “Seriously, I don't know how she does it. If I was her...”

Lexa watched as Raven got a far off look on her face before she shook her head and smiled sadly, focusing back on Lexa.

“It was a little worse than usual this time though,” Raven said softly, “And I can't say that I'm not worried, you know?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, “Like, what if next time is even worse?”

Raven nodded in agreement, “But I have to believe that she'll get what she's working towards. If she doesn't...it'll kill her.”

Lexa swallowed thickly, her eyes hitting the table. Just the thought of things getting that bad for Clarke gave her a sinking feeling.

“Hey, guys!” Costia interrupted the heavy moment, smiling widely as she sat next to Lexa at the table, “I see you're both signed up to chaperone the camping trip at Mount Weather?”

“What camping trip?” Lexa frowned.

“The camping trip for the seniors? It's supposed to be to collect soil samples but everyone just treats it as a mini vacation,” Costia frowned, “I could've sworn I saw both of you names.”

Lexa's eyes narrowed in suspicion as soon as her gaze fell upon Raven Reyes adorning a shit eating grin, “Raven?”

“You, me, a tent,” Raven wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Bottle of rum? It's time for me to take the second sister on a test drive.”

“How romantic,” Lexa grimaced, “Wait, second sister? Does that mean you and Anya...ew.”

“There is nothing ew about me and your sister,” Raven chuckled, “So what do you say, hot stuff? Are you ready to show me what you got?”

“Raven,” Lexa whined, “I hate camping.”

“So does Clarke but she has to go. And I have to go because I owe the principle a favor so...”

“So?” Lexa frowned.

“So that means you have to come, obviously,” Raven rolled her eyes, “Look if me and Clarke are stuck in the wilderness, in fucking tents for an entire weekend then you, as the third member of our household, also has to be.”

“Let me get this straight...”

“You can try but you and the word straight don't go together.”

“You and Clarke,” Lexa continued, ignoring Raven's comment, “Have to suffer through a camping trip and somehow that automatically means that I have to suffer too?”

Raven grinned with a nod of her head, “What are friends for?”

Well, Raven had Lexa there, she sighed in defeat, “Yeah, okay.”

“Stop pouting,” Raven chuckled, “It'll be fun, we'll sneak in some booze.”

“But if we're the teachers then won't we be sneaking alcohol past ourselves,” Lexa frowned in confusion.

“Yeah! That's the fun part, I'll sneak it past you and you can sneak it passed me!”

“What?”

“And if that fails we'll just barter with Clarkey, coz you just know she'll bring booze,” Raven sent her another grin.

“I think it'll be fun,” Costia said, startling Lexa, who'd forgotten Costia was even in the room, “I'll be there, we can even share a tent if you don't have one of your own?”

Lexa's eyes widened as Costia looked up at her expectantly, hope evident but...

“Nah, I got Lex covered.”

Thank God for Raven Reyes.

“When exactly is this camping trip?” Lexa asked.

“Not this weekend but next,” Raven answered, “Aren't your parents visiting this weekend?”

“Mom and brother, dad's working,” Lexa frowned suspiciously, she hadn't mentioned her mom coming up to Raven, “Just how much time are you spending with my sister, Raven Reyes?”

Raven smirked, “No time clothed, that's for sure.”

“Ugh,” Lexa gagged in disgust, earning a look of amusement from Costia.

“You don't have your little buddy to join in with your gag-fest this time,” Raven laughed, “So I can talk about boning your sister all I want.”

“Jesus,” Lexa groaned, “Where's Clarke when you need her?”

“Do you ever not need her?” Raven teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively before seeming to realize that Costia was also in the room and probably wouldn't appreciate that joke. Thinking quick on her feet, the Latina turned to Costia, “Clarke's been helping Lexa cook, this one,” She jerked her thumb in Lexa's direction, “Is terrible with a frying pan.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Sleep with Clarke yet?”

Lexa glowered at her sister from across the table. The rest of her work day had gone smoothly. She'd had Clarke and Octavia again in her special education class, just like she did every Monday and Friday. This time with the addition of Lincoln. She was incredibly happy to see that Clarke was mostly back to normal, chatting animatedly with Octavia and teasing Octavia and Lincoln whenever they did anything cutesy. She'd sent Clarke a text saying that if she wanted to skip this period then she'd write her a note. Clarke hadn't skipped but she had sent Lexa a soft smile in return and that soft smile might have made Lexa's heart flutter.

She'd picked up Madison from the daycare center after work, taking the toddler to the park to feed the ducks. Madison had declared them 'her ducks' when a particularly friendly one had plucked a crust right from the toddlers hand, causing Lexa's anxiety to peak but the little girl had just giggled at the worried look on her face. They'd had such a nice time that Lexa hadn't realized how late it was getting and instead of dropping the toddler off first, she'd shot a text to Marcus, telling him that she'd feed the toddler and took Madison with her to Azgeda.

Now, with Madison strapped into a booster seat and happily playing with the bracelets she'd pulled off of Lexa's wrist, Lexa glowered right at her sister. Because of course that was the first thing Anya said when she'd slid into the seat opposite.

“My day was great, thanks for asking,” Lexa prodded.

“Whatever,” Anya rolled her eyes, “I saw her with that blonde chick, anyway.”

“What?” Lexa frowned.

“At the party. I saw her with that blonde chick she was hanging out with,” Anya wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Doing some heavy petting before Clarke dragged her back to her room.”

Oh. That's who Clarke slept with. Niylah.

Then Anya was eyeing the toddler, “I see you've brought your backup.”

“Oh yes,” Lexa smiled in amusement, “If I get into a street fight then she's ready, blades up her sleeves and everything.”

“Not that kind of backup, you idiot,” Anya scoffed, “She's your wing woman.”

“My what?” Lexa frowned.

“You haven't noticed the ladies giving you heart eyes because of the babe? Seriously, that thing is so cute all the women will be eating out of the palm of your hand.”

“Did you just...” Lexa trailed off in astonishment, “Ahn, you can't call her 'that thing', she's a human being. Aren't you little one?”

Madison looked up, her big blue eyes connected with Lexa's. Her little face taking on a thoughtful expression for a second before she gave a big, certain nod.

“See?” Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah but a really small one,” Anya rolled her eyes.

“Well,” Lexa shrugged, “Good things come in small packages.”

“You're just saying that because Clarke is short,” Anya rolled her eyes, cutting Lexa off when she opened her mouth to argue, “And so is the kid. Where's the waitress? I'm starving.”

“I've already ordered,” Lexa pouted, gesturing to the pair of iced teas in front of them.

“Cool, so I hear Raven's having another party this weekend?”

Lexa frowned. She didn't know anything about any party. Why did everyone know more than her all of a sudden? Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, “Raven huh? When did you talk to her?”

Anya shrugged casually, “I've just seen her around.”

“You've just...seen her around?” Lexa smiled smugly, “Seems like you two are bumping into each other an awful lot.”

“What like you and Clarke?” Anya challenge, making Lexa pout. Then Anya's smile turned devilish, “Or like you wish you bumped into Clarke?”

Lexa scowled but before she could retaliate the waitress was there to drop off their burgers.

Anya raised an eyebrow, “There's only two burgers but three of us?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, putting her bracelets back on and lifting Madison, sitting the toddler on her lap so that Madison could reach her fries, “She can't have an entire burger to herself.”

“You're the one that said she was human!”

Lexa scoffed in amusement, tickling Madison's belly and ducking her head down next to the toddler's to kiss her cheek. Madison smiled, humming softly while slowly eating a fry.

“Mom's coming on Friday, they're leaving once Aden finishes school and she wants you to hang out with him on Saturday so that me and her can go shopping.”

“Why am I not invited shopping?” Lexa looked up, catching eyes with Anya.

“You hate shopping,” Anya said, “So does Aden.”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded in agreement, “It'll be good to see him anyway.”

“Lessa,” Madison whispered, gaining both sister's attention. The little girl held up a new fry, eyes fixed on Lexa, “Fy for Anna.”

The squeal of joy that left Anya's throat as she just about melted made Lexa laugh loudly.

- - - - - - - - - -

She got back late from The Ark, Anya kept convincing her to have 'just one more' drink. Luckily she wasn't drunk, she'd switched to soft drinks but she was tired. She got ready for bed and headed downstairs for a glass of water. The lights were all turned off except for the soft glow of the lights placed under the kitchen cabinets that were at head height, creating a calm atmosphere.

Raven was leaning against the the breakfast bar, nursing a steaming mug and clearly ready for bed. While Clarke was sitting cross legged on the counter opposite her cousin, her own mug balanced precariously on her knee.

“Where have you been?” Raven raised an eyebrow.

“I was babysitting and had dinner The Ark. What about you guys?”

“We were jus- wait, were you on a date?” Raven narrowed her eyes.

Lexa frowned, getting serious deja vu, “Yes,” Raven's eyes widened and, much to Lexa's satisfaction, her answer also peaked Clarke's interest, “With Anya.”

Raven deflated disappointedly, “Oh. Well Clarke and I- wait, you went to The Ark with Anya and didn't invite me?”

Lexa's eyes narrowed, hadn't she had this exact conversation with Anya?

“We...I...I thought you'd be with Clarke,” Lexa's eyes found the blonde.

“Wait a second, did you stay out of the house just because Clarke was sad?” Raven asked, tone surprised.

Lexa's eyes nervously danced between Raven's pleasantly surprised expression and Clarke's confused one, “I...yes. I just didn't want to- I just thought that-”

“Lexa, calm,” Raven laughed, placing a hand on Lexa's shoulder, “It's really nice of you, we appreciate you caring. Right, Clarke?”

Clarke gave her a nod with pursed lips and slightly narrowed eyes. Lexa's eyes met the floor.

“But you can always come home, you know? Even when one of us isn't feeling great. We just ordered Chinese food and watched Netflix,” Raven yawned, rubbing at Lexa's shoulder before pressing a kiss to Clarke's cheek, “Goodnight, bitches. I'm going to bed.”

The chorus of, “Night,” Following Raven up the stairs.

The blonde bit her lip, tipping her head to the side as she eyed Lexa and after a long moment she jumped down from the counter. Brushing their arms together on her way past. And Lexa watched as Clarke disappeared into her room and continued to look at the slightly ajar door. She needed to apologize, she didn't need things to feel this awkward. With a deep breath she followed the blonde.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable and-” Her words died on her tongue. She'd made it through the white door and was hovering awkwardly, staring at Clarke's naked back. Even Clarke's back was perfect.

Before she could say anything Clarke turned around to face her and suddenly Clarke's back was the least of Lexa's problems. And she was staring. She couldn't not. Clarke's breast were without a doubt, beautiful. And perfect. And Clarke. And maybe Lexa needed a cold shower or something because there was no reason she should be this speechless at a pair of breasts but they were very nice breasts and the photo Lexa had seen really didn't do them justice.

Words. She needed words. She needed to stop looking and she needed words.

“I..I...wow.”

Shit. Those were not the words. After a self inflicted, mental slap to the face, she dragged her eyes up to Clarke's face. And God that face wasn't a good idea because Clarke was sporting a rather seductive smirk and Lexa could feel herself blushing.

“I'm so sorry, Clarke.”

“It's nothing you haven't seen before,” Clarke shrugged, smirk still firmly planted, sauntering away to her closet and leaving Lexa dumbfounded. Lexa high tailed it out of there.

Clarke seductress Griffin was back with full force. Lexa was fucked.

Chapter Text

9. Just One Kiss

She barely slept. After seeing Clarke's naked chest, the image burned into her mind, her mind didn't seem to want to be anywhere else. It seemed very happy to just stay on that image, maybe even forever. But she couldn't. She needed to stop. She was so painfully turned on after the encounter that she just couldn't rest. She briefly considered taking care of the problem but she didn't feel like she could. Not in this house. It would be so fucked up. 'Thanks for letting me stay here, Raven. Mind if I just masturbate over your seventeen year old cousin in your spare room? Kay, thanks.'

She heard the shower when she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth but she knew Raven didn't mind.

“Hey, I'm just brushing my teeth,” She called out, heading to the sink. Just as she'd started brushing her teeth she heard a reply from behind the shower curtain.

“I don't mind.”

That was not Raven. She'd know the husky lilt to that voice anywhere. It almost made her choke on the toothpaste. Fuck. She gulped, accidentally swallowing some.

She frowned, “I thought you had an en-suit?”

“I do,” Came Clarke's reply, “But I broke my shower curtain and I didn't want to soak my entire bathroom.”

She nodded to herself. Working faster on her teeth so that she could get out of there. She did not need to be within close proximity of a naked Clarke Griffin. She blinked heavily to rid her mind of any thoughts, she knew where those thoughts would lead her. She quickly brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth out. Turning to flee just as Clarke stepped out of the shower.

And there Clarke was, in the flesh. Literally. Lexa's greedy eyes couldn't take her in fast enough. The water droplets trickling down Clarke's collar bone. She noticed that instead of covering up, like most people would do, Clarke didn't. No, Clarke Griffin stood proudly in all her naked glory with her hands casually falling to her sides. Lexa bit her lip, Clarke should be proud. Clarke was spectacular.

Clarke's ample chest, her rounds tits looking mouth waveringly delicious. The pretty, pink nipples seeming to harden under Lexa's gaze. She'd never been jealous of water before but when a drop caressed the side of Clarke's breast, Lexa was. She licked her lips.

Before she could get stuck imagining her face buried between the firm globes, her eyes travelled downwards. Moving from Clarke's petite waist, over the blonde's soft stomach in a caress, landing on Clarke's generous hips. Lexa's fingers twitched to dig into them, to hold them. Lexa loved Clarke's hips. Her lips tingling to run across those hipbones.

Her eyes dropped to Clarke's legs, taking in soft, toned flesh. Working upwards to the thighs she fantasized about spreading, about wrapping around her waist...or head. Her breath came out in a pant. Her mouth filling with saliva. And her eyes coming into contact with the affix of the blonde's thighs. Fuck.

Lexa's eyes widened, her mouth parting slightly. She knew she must look so turned on right now. She was briefly surprised that the blonde had any hair but she was glad that she did. And as she took in the very neat, blonde patch of hair her body practically hummed in appreciation. It was so very Clarke. Sexy and homey at the same time. Clarke was the whole package, in or out of clothes.

It took the clearing of a throat for Lexa to realize that she was just standing there, audaciously staring at Clarke's most intimate place. Lexa's eyes found Clarke's quickly but she wished that they hadn't when she noticed the amused look on the blonde's face. Clarke wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed, nor did she seem at all affected by Lexa blatantly checking her out. Just slightly amused.

Clarke flashed her a smug smile, “If you're done staring, can you pass me a towel?”

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut. Clarke might not be embarrassed but she was. She felt her cheeks burning hot. She reached for the towel wrack behind her blindly, grabbing the first one that came into contact with her fingers and practically shoving it into Clarke's hands. Watching as Clarke held it up to her front instead of wrapping it around her.

The blonde cocked her head to the side, wet hair flicking in the process, taking Lexa in for a further moment and making it extremely difficult for Lexa to breath under the scrutiny, “Thanks.”

“Sorry!” Lexa blurted out, sounding absolutely pathetic in her opinion. Still, she patted herself on the back for actually getting a word out.

“You can look,” Clarke said, eyes boring in to Lexa's, “I want you to.”

The same words that were spoken in her classroom. The word washed over Lexa like a caress, making her mouth open a little bit in an attempt to form a reply but then Clarke was turning around and making a retreat. Giving Lexa an amazing view of the back of her. Lexa couldn't help but to stare at the blonde's shapely, round ass as she swayed her hips in departure.

- - - - - - - - - -

She sighed, rubbing her eyes as she dragged herself downstairs.

“Hey!”

She looked up to see Raven and Clarke cuddled up on the couch, both clad in comfy pajamas. A steaming coffee pot and three mugs set in front of them. It made her smile that they'd set out a mug for her too. She joined them, sinking down onto the other couch. Maybe they could just forget about what happened, Clarke didn't seem to be affected anyway.

“We were just talking about you,” Raven said

“What?” Her eyes shot up to Raven's, stomach dropping.

“Camping,” Clarke smirked from where her face was resting on Raven's shoulder.

Lexa deflated with a sigh, a grimace coming to her face, “Yeah, I'm so excited.”

Raven laughed at the lack of enthusiasm in Lexa's voice.

“Anya told Raven that you camped a lot when you were younger,” Clarke cocked a brow, giving Lexa a collaborative look, “You know, since Anya and Raven are so close.”

“I know right!” Lexa's eyes widened, “I swear Anya talks to Raven more than she does me.”

Clarke giggled, sitting up and pouring herself and Lexa a coffee, handing Lexa the mug.

“Bite me,” Raven grumbled.

“No thanks,” Clarke frowned prettily before a smirk came to her lips, “But Anya might.”

“You can fuck off!” Raven laughed, tickling Clarke's side until she joined in with a shriek. Raven turned on Lexa, “And you can't comment because you're a virgin.”

“I'm not a-” She scowled, there was no winning here.

“Come on!” Rave rolled her eyes dramatically, “I bet you've never hooked up with anyone.”

Lexa pursed her lips, her attention falling to Clarke, “Speaking of hooking up, you were worried about who you ended up with on Saturday, right?”

The smiled dropped from Clarke's mouth as her eyes snapped up to Lexa's.

“Sorry, I...” Lexa licked her lips, “It's just...Anya saw who and I-”

“Who?” Clarke's eyes narrowed.

“Niylah.”

Clarke's face fell, her hand coming up to her forehead, “Dammit. I knew this would happen. I asked her if she had any idea who I ended up with and she pretended she didn't know.”

“Oh, Clarkey,” Raven hummed, rubbing the blonde's back sympathetically.

“She told O that if we keep sleeping together then I'll get feelings for her,” Clarke shook her head, biting her lip, “Jesus, I think I would've rather ended up with Bellamy.”

“It must be bad if you'd rather sleep with Bellamy,” Raven laughed, making Clarke smile, “Could you get feeling for her?”

“I just don't see her like that,” Clarke shook her head before making eye contact with Lexa, “I've got my eye on someone else.”

Lexa swallowed thickly, blushing under Clarke's intense gaze. Her hopes of just forgetting the whole bathroom incident forgotten.

“Then you're just going to have to be firm with her. Let that bitch know she hasn't got a chance with you,” Raven dead panned. Making Clarke laugh and thankfully look away from Lexa, “What?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clarke: You look incredibly sexy in black. Did you know?

Lexa gulped. Was Clarke trying to kill her? Her eyes flicked up from the text to see Clarke deep in discussion with Octavia. Perhaps they were discussing the latest assignment but Lexa doubted it. She wouldn't text back. She probably shouldn't text back.

Lexa: Do your work.

There, that would shut Clarke up. Lexa smiled, going back to her emails. But...

Clarke: Don't you want to know what color my panties are today?

Lexa scowled. Why yes, Clarke. I always want to know what color your panties are but I'm your teacher and we are currently in class. Her eyes drifted back up to the blonde in question, her teeth sinking into her lower lip. Clarke was still talking to Octavia. It was as if the blonde hadn't even sent a text in the first place. It made Lexa feel awkward. She shouldn't be the only one affected by this. With a look of determination she replied.

Lexa: My imagination works just fine, thanks.

She kept her eyes on Clarke, watching as the blonde subtly checked her phone. She was expecting Clarke to blush or gasp or...something. But no. Of course not. Clarke Griffin did not get embarrassed. Not because of Lexa, at least. Her eyes went back to her phone. Her blush firmly in place but now with a little scowl, she was annoyed. She was annoyed that she'd given in and she was annoyed at herself for being so utterly useless. If Anya were here right now there's no doubt that she'd be calling Lexa a 'useless fucking lesbian'.

Clarke: Does reality live up to the expectations of your imagination?

And suddenly they weren't talking about underwear anymore. Lexa bit her lip. And when Lexa looked at Clarke, the nonchalance was gone. Replaced by a soft look as Clarke kept her eyes on her work. Lexa looked back at the text.

Lexa: I'm sorry I saw you.

She hoped that would be it. Maybe apologizing would set things back on track. Were they on track? As on track as they were before she'd seen Clarke naked, at least.

Clarke: That doesn't answer my question...

Lexa sighed in defeat. Teacher or not. Friend or not. Lover or not. She was never going to be the cause of Clarke feeling inadequate in any way, not if she could help it. This one she had to answer honestly, no matter what

Lexa: You're beautiful, Clarke. Inside and out.

She kept her eyes down after that. A pink blush on her cheeks. She didn't want to know Clarke's reaction. She didn't want to see it if the blonde didn't believe her. And luckily there was no text back.

- - - - - - - - - -

It was becoming a regular enough occurrence to call daily now, Lexa picking Madison up from daycare after work. On the days that it wasn't arranged for her to collect the little girl, Marcus texting her to ask if she could. Something Lexa wasn't aware of before was that Madison spent every day at daycare, before she'd just assumed it was only a few times a week but it wasn't.

She found it slightly strange, if she was being honest. Madison spending all day at daycare and then most evenings and weekends with her. Not that she was complaining. She loved spending time with Madison, she couldn't understand why someone wouldn't want to but maybe that wasn't it. Maybe they were just really busy.

So they situated themselves in Grounders Café with a coloring book and some felt tip pens. Lexa nursing a cup of coffee and Madison a carton of apple juice. The day was chilly so the park was a no go and Lexa didn't have the energy to find something more entertaining. Madison didn't care. The toddler just seemed happy to be close to Lexa, sitting on her knee and focusing on their shared artwork.

“Was daycare fun?” Lexa asked quietly, using the yellow to color in the beak of a parrot when Madison's little hand stopped her. The toddler took the yellow and replaced it with the orange, making Lexa smile, “Oh, sorry. Orange is much more appropriate.”

Madison nodded before going back to carefully coloring one of the feathers a light blue, a similar shade to the little girl's eyes, “Don't like daycare.”

Lexa frowned, her heart breaking a little bit. Was Madison just sitting around all day, not enjoying herself? “Why not?”

“Shy,” Madison said in a whisper, “Didn't have daycare before.”

“Before what?”

Madison was silent for a while, just gently coloring. Lexa didn't think the toddler was going to answer before the toddler's head dipped further down, “Mommy.”

Lexa's eyes squeezed shut to prevent the tears. Her heart breaking for the little girl. The little girl who didn't like daycare because she was shy and who didn't even have to attend daycare before, when she had her mommy. Fuck. Lexa lent down, rubbing her cheek against soft curls, lips pressed to Madison's little ear, “I'm sorry.”

Big, sad, blue eyes met hers when Madison tilted her head away to look at Lexa, “You love me like mommy.”

“I love you very much,” Lexa nodded in agreement.

Madison went back to her coloring in, humming to herself quietly, “Love you too, Lessa.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Raven wasn't there when she got home. She had a sneaking suspicion that the Latina was with Anya, since Anya hadn't answered Lexa's call when Lexa had been on her way home. She was happy for them, they suited each other. She hoped they'd get together properly, then Raven would have no reason to associate herself with Kyle Wick and that was a massive bonus in Lexa opinion. She was fixing herself a mug of herbal tea, pomegranate and raspberry, when she was pulled from her thoughts.

“Lexa, is that you?” Clarke's strained voice sounded from behind her bedroom door.

“Yeah, you okay?” Lexa frowned.

“I...need some help.”

Lexa was confused, she made her way over to Clarke's bedroom. What could Clarke possibly need her help with? She walked straight into the room and immediately froze.

Oh.

There Clarke was, laying back on her bed. Comforter draped strategically to cover her between her open thighs but otherwise completely nude. Her mused hair fanned out on the pillow below her head. Her eyes dark with arousal. Her pink tongue taking swipes at her slightly parted lips, where little sighs and soft whimpers were coming from. Her back arching slightly off the bed with every movement of her hand that was dipped under the comforter, between her open thighs. Her other hand palming and squeezing her breast.

Fuck.

Lexa was frozen, her eyes wide. She'd never seen something so beautiful in all her life and she couldn't look away. Clarke Griffin aroused and touching herself? Lexa thought she might actually die from the thought alone and now she had a front row seat. She couldn't even blink, in fear of missing something if she did. Clarke was everything. Sensual, sexy, alluring, arousing. So very, very tempting.

Lexa's teeth bit into her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. If this was going to kill her, at least she could die happy after seeing this, right? Her eyes fixed on the hand that had previously been working slowly between the blonde's legs as it was brought upwards. Lexa gasping at the sight of glistening fingers. Her eyes never straying as said fingers were enclosed by full lips. A low moan leaving the blonde's mouth, blue met green as Clarke tasted herself in front of Lexa. While looking directly at Lexa.

Lexa licked her lips, her own tongue begging to taste too. She watched as Clarke got to her knees on the bed, the comforter falling away and Lexa willed her eyes not to fall between the blonde's legs. Instead she kept her gaze on Clarke, who was inching forward until she was at the edge of the bed. Lexa didn't realize she was within touching distance until it was too late and the blonde took her hands, threading their fingers together and tugging Lexa forward.

Lexa gasped, her hands being led to naked hips and she couldn't get enough of the feeling. The skin soft, supple under her fingers. Clarke's hands landing on Lexa's shoulder, thumbs brushing her neck. And Lexa felt like she was burning everywhere their skin touched. Lexa's eye flickered closed for a second to appreciate the feeling before green met blue once again.

“Taste,” Clarke whispered, voice thick with arousal and washing over Lexa like a wave. Lexa's muscles clenching at the sound.

Lexa felt Clarke's breath fanning over her face before their noses were bumping and Clarke's lips were brushing against hers. They'd been like this before, twice in fact. In this state of almost kissing but not quite, while their lips just brushed deliciously. Lexa didn't know which she wanted more, to finally kiss Clarke or to run for the hills.

Clarke, apparently, had ideas of her own. Clarke used the slight opening of Lexa's mouth in a sigh at the brush of lips to push harder, darting her tongue into Lexa's mouth in a firm lick before their lips caught properly and the blonde let out a moan.

Clarke Griffin was an amazing kisser. Clarke's kisses were filthy and had Lexa panting into the blonde's mouth in no time at all. Clarke went from languid strokes of her tongue to nipping at Lexa's bottom lip. The give and take setting Lexa alight. Her arms firmly wrapping around Clarke to pull their bodies closer together.

Lexa never wanted to stop kissing her. She wanted to spend the rest of her days locking lips with this girl. Their mouths met again and again deeply, pushing harshly at each other. It was passionate, it was erotic and soon enough their teeth were clashing as it heated up into a wet mess. Their tongues shooting out with no goal other than to make contact with anything.

And Lexa could taste. She could taste Clarke. Clarke's lips that tasted like the vanilla chap stick the blonde was always wearing. Her tongue tasting tangy, sweet with an edge of bitterness and making Lexa groan when she remember why the blonde tasted like that. Lexa couldn't get enough. Sucking Clarke's tongue into her mouth in a desperate attempt to taste her more fully.

After landing a particularly harsh nip to Lexa's lip, the blonde pulled back. Resting their foreheads together, panting against Lexa's kiss swollen lips.

“Are you going to help me, Lexa?” The arousal in Clarke's voice making her body practically hum.

The words made Lexa ache but the distance sobered her instantly.

“I can't,” Lexa squeezed her eyes shut regrettably, swallowing hard to get herself under control. When her eyes opened again seeing a hint of insecurity within the blue in front of her. She held Clarke just a little bit closer, practically hugging the blonde now, “I want you. Jesus, Clarke you know how much I want you but I...”

Clarke pulled away, de-tangling Lexa's arms from around her. And Lexa just blinked at Clarke with a pout, like the blonde had taken away her favorite toy. But Clarke Griffin was no toy. Clarke was everything.

“I'm sorry,” Lexa said weakly, her eyes fixed on the floor so that she didn't have to see the disappointment on the blonde's face.

Chapter Text

10. Panic

Lexa avoided Clarke like the plague. She'd stayed in her room until she was sure Clarke had left for school, making her late to work. But also meaning that Clarke was already sitting in class, looking bored when she'd entered. And she'd excused herself five minutes before the end of the class with an 'important phone call' so that if Clarke happened to loiter at the end then Lexa wouldn't even be there to speak to.

Maybe Anya was right. Maybe she was a bad teacher.

She pondered it for a moment before sinking further into the couch in the teacher's lounge. Maybe she should have that 'important phone call' after all.

“I kissed Clarke.”

“You did what now?”

“I don't know what to do,” She mumbled sadly.

“I didn't know you had it in you. Honestly, squid. I never thought your game would be strong enough to get a girl like Clarke Griffin. Wait...when you say you kissed her do you mean in your mind again?”

“What?” Lexa frowned, “No, Anya, not in my mind. In real life....hold on, what do you mean again?”

“Right, real life. Mhm but like, on the hand right?”

“No!”

“Cheek?”

“Ahn!”

“You didn't kiss her one the lips! Shut up, Lexa! Wait...by kiss, do you mean you tripped and accidentally-”

“Anya, I swear to God, I-”

“Okay! I'm sorry, I just didn't think you had any chance to hit that, okay?”

“Thank you, Anya. Way to have my back,” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Come on, I'm just surprised and a little impressed really. I mean, have you seen that girl? Could I get a girl that hot? Yes. You....eh.”

Lexa scoffed, “I'm hanging up-”

“No, wait. Alright, you kissed her...so?”

“So? I'm freaking out!”

“Right, right, of course. What else would you do? It's only natural. I think anyone would freak out if a girl seven million times out of their league-”

“I'm not freaking out because she's out of my league!”

“Oh...then...oh, I get it. You're freaking out because she's a way better kisser than you and now you think she's going to tell everyone how crap you are and-”

“You know what? Forget I even told you.”

“Because you made it up?”

“I didn't make it up!”

“It's okay, squid. I get ya. I won't tell anyone you made it up if you want to brag.”

“Bye, Anya.”

“Wait! Just to clarify, you're calling me because you kissed Clarke in your wet dream last night?”

“Oh my God, Anya! No! I didn't kiss her in my mind! I didn't kiss her in a wet fucking dream! I full on, made out with her, tongues and everything. In. Real. Life.”

“Is she a good kisser in your dreams?”

“Yes, she's a good kisser, beyond great. Maybe the best kiss of my life but it wasn't a dream, Anya. I really did kiss her!”

“Best kiss of your life, huh?”

Lexa's mouth hit the floor, she was absolutely mortified. There, standing in the doorway was Clarke Griffin. Arms folded and head cocked to the side and her usual smirk in place. Fuck.

“Lexa? Lexa? Hello?”

“Anya...let me call you back.”

“Wait!”

“What?” She snapped, not taking her eyes off of Clarke.

“If you manage to get to second base next time you kiss her in your mind, will you tell me about it because even in your imagination those boobs are-”

She hung up as quickly as possible, scrambling with her phone in her hands to try to hit the right button. Wishing the ground would just swallow her.

“Clarke, I-”

“Lexa,” Clarke cut her off, rolling her eyes, “I was looking for Raven.”

“Oh,” Lexa sighed in relief, “I haven't seen her.”

Clarke pursed her lips, giving Lexa a nod before leaving without another word.

Lexa was beyond embarrassed. What the hell was she thinking, calling Anya? Anya was no help. Why did she ever think Anya would be? She cursed herself. She just wanted to go home.

Then she remembered that she lived with Clarke Griffin.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Are you going to eat that?”

Lexa was pulled from her thoughts by a face ducking over her shoulder. A face belonging to Raven Reyes. A face that was eagerly looking at the sandwich Lexa had brought in for her lunch. She wasn't, she wasn't hungry so offered her plate to Raven wordlessly.

“Sweet!” Raven grinned, sitting next to her and taking a massive bite of the sandwich, “Vis s goo an so hapee uo-”

“What?” Lexa frowned, watching as Raven rolled her eyes and chewed exaggeratedly before swallowing.

“I said, this is so good,” Raven repeated, “I'm so glad you didn't bring that crap you usually eat.”

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed, “You mean salad?”

“Exactly! It's practically inedible, now this,” Raven gestured to the item in question, “I can work with.”

Lexa smiled fondly.

“I didn't see you this morning,” Raven mused.

I kissed your cousin and saw her naked and then I couldn't face her.

“Woke up late.”

“Oh how the mighty have fallen,” Raven grinned, “Maybe we've swapped places? Now I'm the responsible one and you're the one sexing it up in the back of Anya's car in front of a seven eleven on a Monday night."

“Ew,” Lexa wrinkled her nose, “Wait, Anya doesn't have a...” Her eyes fell closed, “You and Anya had sex in my car?”

Raven just shrugged, an easy smile on her face as she used her tongue to swipe at the sauce left on her lip.

“So gross,” Lexa whined, “Does this mean you're going to ditch Vile Kyle?”

Raven shrugged again, “Sex is sex, we'll see.”

- - - - - - - - - -

She'd decided that a walk would be good, the sun was shining and Lexa wanted to take advantage of that. So she'd picked Madison up from daycare, grabbed them a few snacks from the local store and set off on a dog walking track that led up some fields and eventually to the park where Madison's ducks lived.

Lexa didn't think it through. Toddlers were slow. She sighed, watching Madison pick up yet another leaf and stare at it in wonder. At least the kid liked nature, she supposed. Even though Madison didn't like to get dirty, or exercise in general, the toddler still managed to have a good time in the great outdoors. Lexa stuck her hands in her pockets and sighed, she guessed she was going to be here for a while.

“Pretty,” Madison smiled, bringing Lexa the leaf to look at.

Lexa bent down to inspect said leaf, tapping her chin thoughtfully with her finger, “You know, I'm not sure that this one is quite as pretty as the last one.”

Madison's big, blue eyes stared up at her in confusion. Madison was looking at Lexa like she was dumb and Lexa had to bite back a smile, “Lessa, they're all pretty. Just different.”

Lexa's eyes widened, she was not expecting that, “You're right, little one.”

Madison nodded proudly, gently setting the leaf back on the floor and taking Lexa's hand. They wandered on slowly, occasionally stopping when they spotted something interesting, until they reached a clearing with a wooden bench a loads of wild flowers. Madison gasped, grabbing Lexa's attention, she squatted down.

“I was here before,” Madison whispered.

Lexa frowned in confusion before realization struck her, “With mommy?”

The little girl nodded, reaching up for Lexa and Lexa picked her up, cradling her close and walking towards the bench. She noticed Madison's wide eyes, her little mouth drawn into a thin line.

“You know you can talk about mommy with me whenever you want to?” Lexa whispered, “I know you miss her.”

Madison looked sad, her blue eyes hitting the floor as she nodded slowly, seemingly unsure.

“Do you want to sit for a bit or keep going?”

Madison pointed towards the track. It was clear that this place, the place that her mommy had taken her was too sad to stay in so Lexa nodded, carrying the little girl further up the track before setting her down. Madison still seemed withdrawn but her demeanor calmed somewhat once they were away from the spot. They carried on walking until Lexa was pulled to a stop.

“Lessa! Slow. My legs are smaller,” Madison said with a pout, pointing at Lexa's legs like they were offending her.

Lexa laughed, ruffling the girls curls, “You got it, little one.”

- - - - - - - - - -

When she got home Anya was sitting at the breakfast bar next to Raven while Clarke seemed to be cooking. Lexa frowned at Anya, making her way over to lean on the other side of the breakfast bar.

“You're here?” Lexa asked, “Is this why you couldn't meet me?”

“Yeah,” Anya nodded, “Where's the kid?”

“She's just getting parked,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “Where do you think she is? I just dropped her off.”

Anya scoffed and turned to Raven, “I swear that thing is so freaking cute, all big, blue eyes. She likes me better than Lexa for sure. I think I want one some day.”

“And on that day, I hope you stop calling them 'those things',” Lexa laughed.

Raven joined in for a second before she took a glance at Clarke and clapped her hands together, “Okay, no more baby talk at the table. Clarkey, good day?”

Clarke shrugged, glancing at them over her shoulder, “Kyle Wick took a photo of my ass so I smashed his phone.”

“Atta girl, he's such a fucking pervert,” Raven wrinkled her nose. Lexa's stomach dropped.

“I know,” Clarke grumbled, “Fucking moron, you know he came into the girls locker room when O and I were changing for gym?”

“What the fuck? When? And why just you and O?”

“Oh right, I didn't tell you because we were late,” Clarke hummed, “But he just walked in, O was dressed but I didn't have a shirt on and the sick fucker got a boner.”

“He needs to be punched in the boner,” Raven gagged.

She couldn't do this anymore. She felt nauseous. She bit her lip, her eyes fixed on the floor, “Raven, I don't think I should live here anymore.”

“What?” She could hear the surprise in Raven's voice while the other two became silent, “Why?”

She took a deep breath. She had to do it. She had to come clean and whatever came from it, she deserved, “Because I kissed Clarke.”

There was silence. In her mind she could see them all staring at her, looking horrified. Thinking she was a pervert and a sick fucker and everything that they thought Kyle Wick was because she was worse than him. She kissed Clarke. She waited with baited breath for the yelling to start but instead a loud crack of laughter sliced through the silence.

She glanced up. Anya looked bored, Clarke looked confused and Raven was doubled over in laughter, smacking her hand on the table. Why the hell was Raven laughing?

“Don't worry, squid,” Anya rolled her eyes, “I've kissed Clarke in my imagination too.”

Is that why Raven was laughing? Did Raven not believe her either?

“No, it's true,” Lexa pleaded, “I really did kiss her.”

“Sure you did,” Anya sent her an exaggerated wink.

“I did...I, Raven, I'm sorry. I'll leave but I did and-”

“Lexa,” Clarke cut her off, “Raven already knew.”

“What?” Lexa frowned. If Raven already knew, did Clarke tell her?

“Wait, what?” Anya's eyes widened and her full attention was on Clarke, “It wasn't in her imagination?”

Clarke shook her head, eyes narrowed.

“Lexa, you kissed her?!” Anya practically shouted, “You actually kissed her?”

Lexa was already close to tears but the confusion pushed her over the edge and she fled upstairs. Shutting her door and sinking to the floor in front on her bed. Leaning her back against it and pulling her legs up to her chest. Burying her face in her knees and letting the tears fall.

Her year wasn't supposed to be like this. She'd fucked everything up by kissing Clarke. Who was she trying to kid? She'd fucked everything up the moment she'd flirted with Clarke on her first day. She was so fucked. She was worse than a man she considered vile. She flirted with Clarke, she stared at Clarke, same as he did but she'd crossed that extra line and kissed the girl.

She wished she was back in Ton DC. Not in the apartment she used to live in but in her old bedroom at Indra and Gus' house. That was the place she felt most safe. She missed Indra. Indra would straighten her out with a tough love talk and a mug of 'special cocoa', it was made with a secret ingredient. When they were kids the secret ingredient was the mini marshmallows that Indra would melt and stir in and then later mini marshmallows turned into a shot of whatever rum Indra had laying around. Indra wouldn't just straighten her out, Indra wouldn't of let her get into this mess in the first place.

She was pulled by her thoughts by a familiar rapping on her door. She knew it was Clarke even before she entered. She furiously wiped away her tears when the blonde came into view. Clarke looked worried, lips downturned and eyebrows pinched together. Lexa watched through her knees as Clarke knelt down in front of her, setting her hands on her knees.

“Lexa?”

“I'm so, so sorry, Clarke,” Lexa's voice came out raspy, “I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to take advantage of you either but I-”

“Lexa,” Clarke said more firmly, drawing green to blue, “What is this about?”

“I...Kyle...and I'm,” Lexa sighed, “I'm worse.”

“You think you're like Kyle Wick?” Clarke's nose wrinkled and Lexa thought it looked pretty.

No. She cursed herself, forcing her eyes to the floor.

“Is this because we kissed?”

Lexa nodded, “He wants to kiss you too.”

Clarke snorted a little laugh, “Lexa, Kyle Wick is a pig. He objectifies women, he takes advantage-”

“Clarke,” Lexa cut the blonde off, eyes blinking, “I objectified you, I took advantage of you. The things you were saying to Raven? I look at your ass. All the time. I have a photo of your boobs. I saw you naked.”

Clarke pursed her lips, shuffling to make herself more comfortable and levelling Lexa with a serious look, “You looked at me because I teased you, I didn't tease him. You didn't take advantage of anyone. You look at my ass because I show you my ass. All the time. You have a photo of my boobs because I sent you a photo of my boobs. You saw me naked because I chose to show you, Lexa. Do you see what I'm saying?”

Lexa's mouth opened and closed a couple of times, “I...but I kissed you.”

Clarke shook her head, “You kissed me back.”

Lexa blinked.

“You haven't done anything wrong, Lexa,” Clarke said softly, thumb coming up to wipe at Lexa's tear stained cheek, “This isn't you taking advantage of some innocent girl. You and I are on the same page. You and I have been pursuing each other. You are nothing like Kyle Wick.”

It sounded too good to be true. Lexa shook her head but her face was caught by the hand cupping her cheek. Clarke's face got nearer.

“Let me prove it to you,” Clarke whispered, her breathing hitting Lexa's lips before their mouths met.

The kiss was slow, deep and felt so real. Lexa couldn't help the few more tears from falling. Her hands met Clarke's sides, clutching at the material of Clarke's sweater as the blonde's hips fell between her bent knees. She whined in the back of her throat, gliding her tongue over Clarke's lip and tasting salt. She heard Clarke moan and the noise sent a warmth through her, making her pout.

“Lexa stop,” The words were spoken into her mouth and they felt like a bucket of cold water being poured over.

She jumped back in shock, pulling her hands back like she'd been burnt. Her wide eyes landing on Clarke's smirking face. The blonde quirked an eyebrow.

“See?” Clarke said, a teasing lilt to her soft tone, “Do you believe me now?”

Lexa's mouth fell open, “I believe that you just gave me a heat attack.”

Maybe Clarke was right.

Clarke giggled, pressing their foreheads together and shuffling a little bit closer, “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Wait,” Lexa pulled just out of reach when Clarke tried to catch her lips, “I...If I ever do anything you don't want...”

“You won't, Lexa,” Clarke rolled her eyes, “You just need to trust that I can stand up for myself.”

“I do know that,” Lexa nodded because she did know that. She'd seen Clarke hold her own, “Why was Raven laughing?”

“Because she already knew,” Clarke chuckled.

“How?”

“I told her,” Clarke shrugged, “And she was laughing because...she was with Anya when you called her, Lex. She heard your little freak out and Anya's...whole not believing you thing.”

Lexa's eyes widened, embarrassment flooding her and warming her cheeks, “She was?”

“She was,” Clarke shrugged, “Now would you rather talk about Anya and Raven or would you rather kiss me some more before we eat? I made pop tarts before you ran off.”

“You made pop tarts?” Lexa frowned, seeing Clarke nod, she narrowed her eyes, “For dinner?”

“Yes, for dinner,” Clarke rolled her eyes with a groan, “Do you want to kiss me or not?”

Lexa nodded enthusiastically, “I do, I really do.”

“Good,” Clarke smiled, “You should also probably know that get what I want.”

“Oh?” Lexa frowned, going cross eyed as Clarke's face got impossibly close.

“And I want to fuck you so...”

Lexa didn't know what this was. Whether Clarke just wanted sex or if the blonde wanted more. Whether it was right or wrong. Whether Raven would hate her for it. Whether she'd hate herself for it. She did, however, know that having this girl in her arms felt like the best thing in the world. And maybe the rest was worth it. Maybe she'd chosen to let herself love Clarke a long time ago.

Chapter Text

11. Are We Going To Have Sex?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Although a massive weight had definitely been lifted from her shoulders, she couldn't help but still feel out of place when Clarke, after stealing several more kisses, dragged her back downstairs to eat with Anya and Raven. However, she was slightly relieved to note that Raven was dishing up spaghetti and Clarke's plate of pop tarts lay, untouched, on the counter. At least she didn't have to add malnutrition to her worries.

Anya and Raven barely even acknowledged their reappearance, let alone their joint hands. Raven was too busy slapping Anya's hands away from the garlic bread. Anya, dutifully scolded, grabbed her phone from the breakfast bar.

“C'mere, Clarkey,” She said, “I need to get a photo of you.”

Anya held her phone up, waving the object in the general direction of Clarke while the blonde cocked her head to the side. Eyebrow raised in question.

“I need to show dad the girl squid's been swapping spit with,” Anya shrugged.

Clarke giggled and Lexa's eyes dropped to the floor. It was only Clarke's hand brushing against the back of her own that brought her attention back to the conversation.

“What's your family like?” Raven asked, glancing between the sisters.

“Gus comes across pretty scary but he's a big ol' teddy bear,” Anya smiled fondly, “Indra is...how would you describe mom, Lexa?”

“Um,” Lexa looked up from the plate she was tucking into, leaning next to Clarke where the blonde was sitting on one of the kitchen counters, “She's...Indra is a badass.”

Everyone laughed.

“She takes no shit and she's pretty tough but she's got a massive heart,” Lexa smiled, sharing a look with Anya.

“And the bro is a little rug rat,” Anya rolled her eyes, “I swear he thinks he's Casanova or some shit. Still, he gets more girls than Lexa.”

“Hey!” Lexa protested.

Raven laughed, “I thought you were impressed with Lexa's game now that she's scored a kiss with Clarkey?”

Anya nodded thoughtfully before tilting her head towards Clarke, “True but the real question is...can she get into your pants?”

Clarke laughed, knee knocking painfully into Lexa's spine as she launched a half eaten piece of garlic bread at Anya, it hitting her on the side of the head before landing somewhere on the floor.

“Wait!” Anya said, eyes lighting up as she produced her phone, bursting out in laughter before spinning the phone so everyone could see.

There was the photo she'd snapped of Clarke, the caption reading: 'Look who Lexa's been kissing'. And a reply under it.

Dad: In her dreams?

Everyone laughed except Lexa. Lexa was too busy blushing to find any amusement in the situation.

- - - - - - - - - -

It was Raven that caught her before she crept upstairs to bed and lowered the rest of her resolve. Whatever little voices that were left in her head telling her that it was wrong, that she was like Kyle, that Clarke was too young. Raven banished them. Saying things like 'Clarke's graduating this year', 'you aren't even a real teacher', 'you're good for her' and 'she can make her own decisions, she isn't a kid'. All of the reasons she had that told her this was a bad idea vanished and she couldn't ignore how she felt about Clarke after that.

She made a decision. A final decision. She was going to let herself feel for Clarke, allow herself to have whatever parts of Clarke that Clarke chose to give her and she wasn't going to worry about the consequences anymore. She was just going to focus completely on the people that mattered. And those people definitely included Clarke.

- - - - - - - - - -

She was glad to get to work, finding the stability of her routine grounding. Routine had always been that for her. The little habits and tasks she'd picked up to find solace. Using the normality of routine to stay on track, she had since she was a child. Anya used to call it OCD, Indra use to call it a coping mechanism and Gus, Gus just called her his 'little organizer' too make her giggle.

And her day wasn't any different to any of the other days before it. She still got into work slightly earlier than she would've liked. She still had her second and third cups of coffee in the teacher's lounge, waiting for it to be a decent time to head to her class. She still cursed herself for having that third cup because she wanted to cut down on her caffeine intake but never truly found the motivation to do so. She still greeted Raven when the Latina managed to drag herself in and Raven would still give her the usual grunt in greeting as she filled her travel mug to the brim.

The only new thing was when she was finally in her class and Clarke – turning up late, as always – sitting in the front row made her smile rather than worry or drool.

She cleared her throat awkwardly when she noticed Lincoln and Octavia muttering to each other. Their hands linked under the table. Thankfully they broke apart before she had to say anything. That thought making her cringe internally at just how awkward that would be. 'I know we've partied together, Octavia and I know I've literally heard you having sex, Lincoln but could you guys stop being so lovey-dovey in my class?..kay, thanks'. Just no.

She was pulled from her thoughts when her phone vibrated.

Clarke: I can't stop thinking about you.

Lexa couldn't help but to smile, glancing at Clarke but of course the blonde's eyes were focused on her book. Lexa hadn't been able to stop thinking about Clarke either. But, then again, Clarke probably already knew that.

Lexa: You should be thinking about your work ;)

Lexa bit her lip. Watching Clarke as she waited for a reply. Watching as Clarke subtly looked down at her lap and smiled.

Clarke: Blame my teacher, she's distracting.

Lexa had to hold back a laugh, shooting Clarke a smile and getting a teasing one in return.

Lexa: Oh? Anything I can do to help?

Clarke: You could tell me what color your panties are...

Lexa almost choked on her spit. She caught Clarke's eyes across the room but the blonde only stuck her tongue out, making Lexa smile.

Lexa: And that's going to make you focus?

Clarke: We should definitely find out.

Lexa rolled her eyes, smile firmly planted.

Lexa: Behave!

Lexa sent Clarke a smirk, heart fluttering at the grin on the blonde's face.

- - - - - - - - - - -

“Bitch, I've been looking everywhere for you!” Raven flew into the room, voice so loud it made Lexa jump and almost drop her lunch.

She frowned at her friend in confusion, glancing around the teacher's lounge, “We've been meeting here for lunch everyday.”

“Details,” Raven said with a dismissive wave of her hand, sitting next to Lexa on the couch and bumping their shoulders.

“What did you want me for?”

It was Raven's turn to frown in confusion, “What?”

“You said you were looking everywhere for me?”

“Oh, no reason,” Raven grinned, “Just missed your face.”

Lexa smiled fondly, grabbing the other half of her sandwich and offering it to the Latina.

“Thanks, buddy!” Raven said, shoving half of the sandwich into her mouth and making Lexa's eyes widen, “Wee ha'in are-tee ons at day.”

“What?” Lexa scrunched her nose in confusion.

Raven rolled her eyes dramatically, gulping thickly, “I said, we're having a party on Saturday.”

“We are?”

“Yeah, I already invited Anya,” Raven wiggled her eyebrow suggestively, “And no other teachers, Clarke wants to invite her pals.”

“I think we might be the worst teachers ever at this point,” Lexa mused with a sigh.

“Speak for yourself,” Raven protested, shooting Lexa a dirty look, “Besides, partying with them doesn't make us bad teachers. It just make us cool teachers because we don't give a fuck if they drink and shit.”

“I'm not sure that I agree with your logic, Rae,” Lexa pursed her lips, watching Raven shrug.

“It'll be fun – hey! You could bring your mom! Your mom's going to be in town right?”

“You want me to bring my mom?” Lexa's eyes widened, “You want me to bring my mom to a Raven Reyes party?”

Raven shrugged, “Sure, why not? So far all of the Woods-ses-ses have loved me. I don't see why your mom would be any different.”

“You think Indra's going to love you?” Lexa snorted indignantly.

“Duh,” Raven looked at her like she was an idiot, “Indra and I are clearly going to be best friends.”

Lexa's mouth fell open before she held her hands up in defense, “Clearly. Invite her if you want, the last thing I want to do is get in the way of your budding friendship with my mother. But give me a heads up if you do.”

“Why?”

“Because I am not attending a Raven Reyes party with you, Anya, Clarke and my mom.”

“Oh,” Raven nodded, sending her a look of understanding, “Because you're not as cool as us so you think we won't let you hang out with us.”

“No! Because – wait, what?! Let me hang out with you?” Lexa spluttered.

“Relax, we'll hang out with you anyway-”

“Raven!”

“Ladies,” Costia's voice floated through the air, starting the pair.

“Hey, Costia,” Lexa sent her a small smile.

“I was actually looking for you, Lexa.”

Lexa frowned, “Why is everyone looking for me all of a sudden?”

“I know right,” Raven butted in, clicking her tongue, “Usually no one looks for you.”

Lexa elbowed her, scowling at Raven's cheeky grin.

“Anyway,” Costia brushed the banter off, “Are you free this weekend?”

“Oh, uh, not really,” Lexa looked at her quizzically, “My mom's visiting so...”

“Totally,” Costia smiled, “What about after that? Monday or-”

“I think I'm free on Monday,” Lexa nodded, ignoring the nudge Raven was giving her.

“Do you want to get dinner?”

Lexa shrugged, she often ate out on a week day. She saw no problem in doing so in Costia's company, “Sure.”

“Great,” Costia gave her a wide smile, “We can work out the details later.”

“Alright,” Lexa nodded, seeing Costia's grin as she fled from the room.

Leaving Raven giving Lexa a rather pointed look.

“What?”

“Bro!”

“What?”

“You just agreed to go on a date with Costia!”

“I – what? No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Lexa! What the fuck?!” Raven shoved her in the shoulder.

“I – really? Did she really mean a date?” Lexa asked.

“Oh, Lex,” Raven's expression softened into sympathy, gently patting Lexa's cheek, “You poor, naïve lesbian.”

- - - - - - - - - - -

“Clarke? Are you decent?” Lexa asked, rapping her knuckles on Clarke's bedroom door.

She wasn't sure what she wanted. All she was aware of was that she wanted to be in the blonde's company. She always felt better in Clarke's presence. The blonde felt like home to her, had for a while now. So she'd gone straight to Clarke's room as soon as she got home.

“Never. But I'm clothed,” Came Clarke's muffled response, making Lexa smile fondly.

She was met with Clarke's lips the moment she entered the room. The blonde's hands fisting the front of her sweater, tongue taking filthy swipes into her mouth. She could feel Clarke's grin against her lips as she was pushed against the door. She drew in a breath, trying to blink through her dazed mind. Her hands settling on Clarke's hips as the blonde tugged at her, pushing their bodies impossibly closer.

Her senses were on overload. Clarke's body, a warm and solid press against her own. Clarke's skin feeling hot under her fingertips. A give and take of Clarke's soft lips as the blonde's mouth practically assaulted hers with filthy, open mouthed kisses. Clarke's wicked tongue thrusting hotly into her mouth. She couldn't help but to moan into the blonde. Desperately trying to keep up with the punishing pace of Clarke's kiss.

Her arms wrapped around the blonde's waist, moaning at the slimness of it. Especially in comparison to Clarke's generous curves. A true hourglass figure. And Lexa couldn't get enough. Her arms tightened, drawing Clarke in closer. Breathing her in. Her tongue moving fluidly against Clarke's in rough strokes. Teeth clashing. Lips bruising.

After a particularly harsh nip the blonde lay on her bottom lip, she pulled back. Her lips finding Clarke's jaw and trailing downwards, leaving soft kisses in her wake. Her breath coming out hotly against Clarke's neck, creating goose bumps. She felt Clarke's head tip back, blonde hair tickling the back of the hand she had resting on the small of Clarke's back, as the blonde let out a whimper.

Clarke's hands found their way between their bodies, fingers dipping under Lexa's shirt and nails scraping against the overly sensitive skin of her stomach. Making her hiss against Clarke's throat. Her forehead dropped against Clarke's shoulder as she leant into the touch.

“You're so fucking sexy, Lexa,” Clarke panted, voice thick with arousal.

Lexa blinked heavily, the fog in her mind clearing slightly as anxiety set in. She leant back, eyes fixing on Clarke's, “Are we going to have sex?”

It came out in a whisper, her voice raw from arousal and she instantly blushed at just how dorky she sounded. Anya would make fun of her so hard for that. She groaned, mentally slapping herself for Anya crossing her mind at a time like this.

The giggle Clarke let out made her jump but a smile came to her lips when Clarke's pretty face came into view, a big grin on her mouth and blue eyes sparkling. Clarke's fingers coming up to pinch her cheek. A teasing gesture but, she felt, with an undercurrent of lovingness.

Her heart sank when the hand Clarke still had placed on her abdomen pushed their bodies apart. For a moment she thought she'd fucked everything up. That she'd ruined the mood. But then she saw Clarke's naughty smile, the one that seemed to be reserved for her only and the blonde's shirt was on the floor a second later. Clarke's eyes raking her up and down once, unashamedly before the blonde was cocking her head to the side in a teasing manor.

“What do you think?”

Lexa's mouth opened and closed a few times, like she couldn't get her words out. Her mind focused solely on the freshly exposed, pale skin that Clarke had to offer. Taking each inch in greedily, the effects of the sight settling low in her stomach like a hot pool of lava. She wasn't sure how long she was staring for but Clarke's voice made her eyes snap up.

“Unless you don't want to?” Clarke said, tone teasing.

Lexa swallowed thickly, “I want to.”

She didn't need to say it, Clarke knew it. Of course Clarke knew that Lexa wanted her. It wasn't exactly a well kept secret. Nevertheless, she was glad she voiced it. They were in this together.

Clarke's hand fell to the back of her head as the blonde crashed their lips back together. Kissing clumsily until Lexa switched angles, sending Clarke probably the softest look she could possibly manage as she did so. Their noses bumping in a caress before their lips caught again, hungrily.

She was so focused on palming the hot skin of Clarke's hips that she barely noticed the blonde tugging her shirt up until the item was rudely separating their lips for a few seconds before it ended up dis-guarded on the floor the same way Clarke's had. And then their skin was flush together, making them both sigh in appreciation at the contact.

Clarke hummed into her mouth, fisting the hair at the back of her head. Twisting them so that she could push Lexa back onto the bed, chasing her lips. Straddling her, making Lexa whimper. Lexa's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling the blonde closer.

Their kisses becoming harsh and frantic as their hips took up a grinding rhythm, bumping desperately to find some friction. And Clarke's hands were shoving at her pants, trying to push them off but their path was cut off by the blonde's thighs.

Clarke's bra was the next item to get removed, getting thrown across the room to who knows where as the blonde sat up. And Lexa moaned at the sight. Her fingers, finding the button of Clarke's jeans as she sat up quickly to catch a pretty, pink nipple in her mouth. Sucking harshly and drawing a lewd whine from the back of the blonde's throat.

“Fuck,” Lexa hissed against the flesh, “You're boobs are just so...fuck.”

Clarke's head tilted down to catch her lips, a naughty look on her face when she pulled away. An eyebrow raised teasingly.

“I aim to please.”

The sound of Clarke's gravely, aroused voice sent a wave of pleasure straight to Lexa's core. She watched the blonde stand up, missing the weight instantly. The revealed skin on the top of her thighs feeling a contrast of the cool air after the warmth of Clarke's body. She raised her upper body up onto her elbows. Eyes never leaving Clarke as the blonde's hands landed on her knees, fisting the material of Lexa's pants and tugging them down her legs.

Lexa almost protested when the material dug painfully into the back of her knees on it's way off but her attention pulled instantly back to Clarke when the blond started working on her own pants. She watched as the pants got shoved down, giving Lexa a beautiful view of Clarke's toned thighs. The blonde moving her hips sexily.

Sexily until Clarke's foot got caught in said pants in her hurry to take them off and the blonde landed on the floor with a thump. Lexa peered over the edge of the bed to see Clarke flat on her back, feet tangled in the pants. She couldn't help but laugh at the unamused, blushing face of Clarke looking up at her from the floor as the blonde blew out an angry breath, disrupting the hair that'd fallen over her face in the fall.

“Don't laugh!” Clarke huffed.

Lexa tried but she couldn't contain the laugh, “You're so sexy.”

The indignant noise the blonde made as she got up making Lexa laugh harder. But then the blonde was straddling her again, only this time there was no barriers between them.

“I am sexy,” Clarke groaned, brushing her hair back from her face.

Clarke leant down, their breath mingling before she caught Lexa's lips in a kiss. Lexa meeting it eagerly. Distracting her to the point that she didn't notice Clarke's hand sliding between them until it was cupping her sex. Lexa gasped into Clarke's mouth at the feeling. Her eyes widening. A breath of air fanning over her lips as the blonde let out a laugh at her reaction.

She was already slick, already so ready to give Clarke anything she wanted. She watched Clarke's face intently as the blonde's fingers found her clit, stroking her gently. Lexa had to bite her lip. Clarke's movements were skilled, precise and felt so good.

Her hands found Clarke's ass, palming the generous flesh and swiping her fingers further back. Reaching until she met Clarke's wetness in return. The contact her fingers making being met with a gasp from the blonde.

For a second Lexa was worried. Worried that Clarke wasn't enjoying her ministrations. The blonde hardly making a sound but, a moment later, Clarke was letting out the sexiest whimpers she'd ever heard and she knew she was probably doing okay. From there it was a messy rush. Stroking, teasing, building each other. Testing touches. Needy whimpers and clumsy lip clashing. Their hips bucking into each other. Each of them desperate for release.

Their lips stopped moving, instead pressed awkwardly as they reached too high for anything else. Anything but breathing against each other. Their bodies rocking harder, losing rhythm and falling into sloppy thrusts against each other's hands. They fell apart together. Clarke's teeth catching Lexa's jaw after a hissed 'fuck' and Lexa's fingernails digging into Clarke's ass, her other hand cupping a heavy breast. Both panting heavily and moving together to try and draw out their orgasms for as long as possible.

Clarke collapsed on top of her. Face pressed against her neck. Body still shivering from the after shocks. And Lexa held her, one arm slung around Clarke's waist while the other raked through blonde hair. Both of them trying to catch their breath.

“Fuck,” Clarke laughed, catching Lexa's attention. Clarke's head tilting until their eyes met.

“What?”

“That was quick,” Clarke giggled, the sound contagious to Lexa.

Lexa nodded in agreement, pressing a firm kiss to Clarke's lips, “But...pretty good, right?”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded in agreement, hand coming up to trace her fingers down Lexa's cheekbone, “I thought we'd last long enough to do more than...that though.”

A lazy smile made it's way to Lexa face, her forehead connecting with Clarke's, “We have time.”

Clarke cocked her head to the side prettily, the corners of her lips quirking, “That we do.”

Lexa hummed, smoothing her hands over the skin of Clarke's back. Taking a moment to appreciate it before nudging Clarke's cheek with her nose, “May I taste you?”

Lexa waited for Clarke's nod of approval before flipping them, making Clarke giggle. She sent Clarke a smile before descending. Pressing appreciative kisses to Clarke's soft skin as she went. Settling between the blonde's legs and sliding her arms under her thighs, palms meeting Clarke's sides. She paused at the display in front of her, taking a moment to really appreciate the sight of Clarke's most intimate place. At the wiggle of Clarke's hips, she glanced up. Their eyes connecting.

“Am I...is this okay?” Clarke asked, taking a glance at her body.

For a moment Lexa was shocked. Clarke was beautiful and sexy and perfect. And so damn confident. Yet here she was, looking almost embarrassed and asking Lexa if her body was okay Yes, more than 'okay'.

“You're beautiful, Clarke,” Lexa said softly, her eyes catching blue, “You're perfect.”

She almost sighed in relief at the return of Clarke's naughty smile.

“Good,” Clarke said with a firm nod, “Then get to it.”

Lexa's mouth fell open at the blonde's flirty wink that accompanied her words but then her face was being firmly pushed into damp flesh by the fingers weaved into her hair. Lexa might have protested, except, her mouth got rather busy. Clarke's heady scent surrounding her, turning her on more than she thought possible. And as soon as she opened her mouth she groaned in appreciation. She loved how Clarke tasted, the sweet tang quickly becoming her favorite thing.

She dove straight in, opening her mouth wide to lick Clarke with a flat tongue. The wide strokes ensuring that she tasted as much of Clarke's essence as possible on each stroke. Clarke's hips rocking up, into her face, only driving her tongue deeper into the blonde's soft flesh. Her fingernails scraping deliciously at Clarke's sides.

Her clever tongue found Clarke's clit on the next stroke, playing with it and making a shiver run through the blonde. Lexa's shoulders nudged at Clarke's thighs, encouraging them open further so that she was more spread. Lexa humming her approval against Clarke. Her nose hitting against neatly trimmed hair as her tongue tongue another swipe at the blonde's clit before moving back down, dipping inside.

Lexa felt her own saliva combining with Clarke's juices and God she really was drooling at the taste of the blonde. But she couldn't help it. Clarke let out a whimper, wiggling and lifting her hips in a desperate attempt to get Lexa's tongue back on her clit. Lexa smiled, taking a glance up at Clarke.

Clarke's fingers were digging into the sheets beneath her. Her head thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth open. Sharply pulling in air every time she had a pause between her whimpers. Lexa felt the heat pool between her legs. Clarke looked like a goddess.

When Lexa's tongue found it's focus on Clarke's clit, the blonde's whole body tensed. Her muscles clenching. A cry leaving her throat and her hips lifting, pressing hard against Lexa's face until Clarke broke. And Lexa was hooked. Seeing Clarke like that, in the throws of ecstasy while Lexa sucked on her clit. A strangled 'fuck' leaving the blonde's throat. Lexa thought she could die happy after witnessing that.

She kept up with gentle licks. Helping Clarke ride out the after shocks but, also, not quite wanting to give up tasting the blonde yet. Her hands stroking Clarke's heaving sides. She could feel one of Clarke's hands sliding into her hair. Tugging gently and took it as her cue. Placing one more kiss to Clarke before crawling up her body until their faces met and flopping next to the blonde. Not missing the way Clarke's darkened eyes fixed on her licking her lips.

“Hi,” Lexa smiled.

Clarke let out an amused huff, bringing her comforter up to wipe at the wetness left on Lexa's chin. Lexa couldn't look away, the image of 'spent Clarke' absolutely beautiful to her. Intimate. She stroked her fingers over Clarke's stomach, watching the blonde as she recovered from, what Lexa hoped was, an intense climax. It took a few minutes before Clarke was moving, shifting up onto her knees and looking at Lexa with predatory eyes.

“My turn,” The blonde growled.

And Clarke straddled her shoulders, mouth descending on Lexa's sex. Lexa didn't know which she preferred. The immediate feeling of Clarke's skilled tongue licking into her, wetly. Or the perfect view of Clarke's round ass and glistening slit from this angle. Her hands met the back of Clarke's thighs.

Clarke got to work quickly, not giving Lexa a moment to adjust before she was sucking harshly on Lexa's clit. Her fingers dancing around Lexa's entrance until Lexa spread her legs further in acceptance. And Clarke's fingers were pushing into her, making her gasp and moan. She could feel herself clutching at the intrusion.

She was so close, so quickly. Already wound up from having her face between the blonde's legs. She struggled to keep her eyes open but she desperately wanted to. She wanted to see this view when she came. In that moment she couldn't think of anything better.

“Fuck!” She whimpered as Clarke's change of angle caught her off guard, sending her into an Earth shattering climax. Her hands gripped the blonde's thighs harder, forcing herself not to shut her eyes, “Clarke!”

She felt like jelly, all her muscles felt weak and spent. She barley noticed Clarke climbing back up next to her until the blonde's lips met her. The taste of their arousal mixing. Lexa hummed at the taste, gripping Clarke like a life line. When Clarke pulled away, propping her head up on her hand next to Lexa's face to look down at her, Lexa wanted to wipe the lazy smirk off the blonde's face. She was just so smug.

Lexa couldn't help but admire her. Clarke was always beautiful but seeing her like this was different. A moment just for them. The next kiss Lexa pressed to Clarke's lips softened the blonde's smugness.

And like this - voice raw from pleasure, skin soft and a tired smile on her face - Clarke was so fucking beautiful. Lexa wriggled until her head was rested on the crook of Clarke's elbow. And Clarke's eyes were focused on her. Lexa's fingers came up absent-mindedly to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear.

Lexa's eyes searched Clarke's face, drinking in every little detail. She shouldn't ask, she knew she shouldn't. Not now. But her mind wouldn't shut up.

“What happens tomorrow?” She whispered, feeling more vulnerable than she had even when she'd been naked and writhing under the blonde. Her hand sliding over the blonde's naked hip, under the comforter and squeezing.

She watched as a little crease came between Clarke's eyebrows as the blonde smiled down at her softly. Clarke's eyes searching her own face for moment before the blonde lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. Her fingers dancing all the way down Lexa's arm, raising goose bumps before tangling their fingers together.

“Get some sleep, Lex,” Clarke said, the warmth in her voice washing over Lexa like a blanket, “You can't stare at me all night.”

Lexa pursed her lips, a laugh bubbling to the surface. Her gaze never leaving Clarke's face.

Yes she could. She so could.

Chapter Text

12. Bad Teacher

She woke up with a smile firmly planted on her face, she wondered if that particular smile would ever fade. Last night had been more than Lexa could've ever hoped for. Not only was Clarke Griffin absolutely amazing in bed, but Lexa felt so connected to her. It felt like more than just sex. It felt intimate, it felt emotional. It felt like the start of something incredible.

She wondered if Clarke felt the same. Or if she was just another hook up to the blonde, a conquest, a notch on her belt. Or if it was more, something they could grow. Something they could savor. She wasn't sure. Whatever this was, she was going to enjoy it while it lasted. She just hoped that it did last.

She really should quit her job.

Still, she eventually blinked her eyes open. The brightness stung her eyes, reminding her that she hadn't gotten enough sleep last night. The ache in her muscles emphasizing that point too, when she stretched. Her lazy smile broadening significantly as her eyes met Clarke's bare back.

She took a long moment to observe the blonde. Clarke was sitting up in bed, the comforter around her waist. The smooth expanse of skin on her back looking soft. Her hair mused and falling in natural waves around her shoulders.

Clarke must have sensed she was awake then because the blonde was turning to her, a toothy grin on her face. Crumbs on the corner of her mouth. She looked angelic. A delicate mixture of innocent and naughty. A sparkle in her blue eyes. And so beautiful, making Lexa's breath catch in her throat.

“Pop tart?” Clarke offered, head cocked to the side and her grin turning cheeky. Holding up the offending, mostly eaten, pop tart and waving it in front of Lexa's face.

Lexa smiled, raising a teasing eyebrow, “Sex and breakfast in bed? Aren't you a good host.”

“Shut up,” Clarke giggled.

Clarke turned, giving Lexa a spectacular view of her bare breasts as the blonde straddled her, the naughty grin never leaving her face. Lexa hummed at the feeling of warm skin against her. Clarke's weight settling on top of her and making her smile. Her hands automatically settling on the blonde's thighs, thumbs stroking. Clarke snapped the last of the pop tart in two, eating the first half quickly and, not so gently, shoving the second half into Lexa's mouth. Making Lexa's nose wrinkle and sealing it with a kiss.

Lexa chewed and swallowed, squeezing at the blonde's thighs, “How about I make you a real breakfast?”

Clarke's elbows landed either side of her head as the blonde leant down, their breasts pressing together deliciously.

“I've got something for you to eat,” The blonde's tone dripped in seduction, her hips moving in a deep grind against Lexa's.

Lexa's laugh got caught in her throat as Clarke's mouth slanted over hers. Meeting her in a heady kiss, tongue immediately seeking entrance and stroking against Lexa's. Lexa humming appreciatively at the taste of Clarke mixed with cherry pop tart. She could feel the crumbs from Clarke's mouth getting mashed against her face but somehow it was still perfect.

Her fingers trailing up Clarke's sides pulled a giggle from the blonde that blew warm breath into her mouth, making her smile. She pulled Clarke to her more firmly with an arm looped around her waist. Lexa pulled away, biting her lip as she snaked her other hand between them. A hard task with how firmly their bodies were pressed together.

The blonde's heavily blown pupils fixed on her. Their faces so close that Lexa had to cross her eyes to focus on Clarke's face. A languid smirk fixed on the blonde's lips as she shifted her hips to accommodate Lexa's hand. The heat between Clarke's legs making them both sigh at the contact.

She managed to tilt her fingers slightly, the back of her hand tight on her lower stomach when Clarke started to move. A slow grind that had her lazily thrusting into Lexa's palm. The tips of Lexa's fingers dragging deliciously through soft folds and bumping against the blonde's clit with every movement. Clarke panting against her mouth hot.

Her wrist was slightly painful at the awkward angle, Clarke's course hair tickling the inside of her wrist and Lexa pulled the blonde closer. Thrusting upwards to further her goal. Watching Clarke's pearly white teeth sink into her plump, bottom lip as soon as two of Lexa's fingers pushed up, into her.

And Lexa moaned. Drinking in the feeling of Clarke wrapped tightly around her digits. She took one more appreciative glance at the blonde's face before moving her lips to Clarke's neck, opening her mouth and lightly sucking on the sensitive skin, running her tongue over it. She was careful not to leave a mark but Clarke had other ideas.

“Mark me, Lexa,” Clarke's groan sounded in her ear, “I want everyone to know who fucked me.”

So Lexa did. Finally letting her teeth sink into pale flesh, getting rewarded by a jolt of Clarke's hips that simultaneously bent her hand at an even harsher angle and sank her fingers deeper into the blonde's cunt. The blonde's own teeth biting painfully into her shoulder.

And Clarke was moving faster. Shifting her hips in a rough, uneven rhythm made only to further her pleasure. A grunt leaving the blonde's throat when Lexa curled her fingers and Lexa could feel Clarke fluttering around the digits. Lexa gripped her harder around the waist, helping the blonde ride her fingers.

And ride them she did. Clarke's hips jerking in rough movements, grinding deeply onto Lexa's fingers. Her arousal leaking over Lexa's hand to the point that everything felt deliciously slippery and Lexa just knew her palm and stomach would have visible evidence of the blonde's excitement when they were done. After a particularly deep thrust of her hips, Clarke let out a throaty whimper. Making Lexa moan at the sound. And Clarke's movements stuttered, her body shaking and her back arching.

“Fuck.”

The word came out in a raw pant against her ear. She was beginning to think it was customary for Clarke to say that mid orgasm. It made her smile. She kept up the rocking motion of her hips, pressing the heel of her hand into the blonde's clit as she helped draw out Clarke's climax. Her mouth pressing kisses to Clarke's cheek, jaw and throat.

Soon enough Clarke's mouth found hers in a lazy kiss and she could feel the blonde smile against her. Once Clarke pulled away she shared the smile, gazing into pretty, blue eyes.

“You're so good at that,” Clarke said, eyebrows raised and voice raw.

Lexa smiled shyly, pressing a quick kiss to Clarke's lips, “So are you.”

“It looks like you can do sex without love after all,” Clarke continued with a smirk.

Sure she could. Lexa held her breath, eyes dancing across the blonde's pretty face. Getting lost in blue eyes, getting so consumed in everything Clarke until she felt Clarke giving her, still buried, fingers a purposeful squeeze. Making her gasp and look up to see a teasing look on the blonde's face.

“C'mon,” Clarke nodded her head towards the door, “I'm hungry.”

- - - - - - - - - -

They got dressed with shy smiles and shared giggles thrown at each other. Lexa trying, and failing, to find all of her clothes. Clarke, after seeing Lexa's conundrum, throwing a pair of pajama pants at her and laughing when they hit her square in the face. They were still laughing as Clarke tugged Lexa to the kitchen by the hand. Meeting the amused look of Raven as the Latina filled the coffee pot.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Raven said with a smirk.

Lexa couldn't help but blush. Clarke, however, was as confident as ever, matching Raven's smirk with one of her own.

“Well,” Clarke said, cocking her head to the side and pursing her lips, “She's not a virgin anymore.”

“Clarke!” Lexa scolded, squeezing the hand that was still in her own but her protests fell on deaf ears as the cousins laughed.

She shouldn't of expected anything else. A fond smile came to her face, even as she rolled her eyes at their antics.

“Holy shit!” Raven gasped a laugh, “Lexa, you player!”

Lexa bit her lip, a blush heating up her cheeks but with Raven's amused expression and Clarke looking at her with bright eyes and a big grin, she could only join in, “Okay, so...now I'm the worst teacher ever.”

“You're not a teacher, you're a writer,” Clarke mocked, giving Lexa a nudge with her shoulder.

“I think Clarke's more of the teacher now, since you were a virgin and all-”

“Oh my God!” Lexa cut her off, wide eyed, “I was not a virgin and I...”

She trailed off, unsure of what exactly she wanted to say. She didn't need to learn anything? Clarke had nothing to teacher her, in that regard? No. She wasn't about to discuss that with Raven. Clarke, however, seemed more comfortable with sharing.

“Oh, she had nothing to learn,” Clarke grinned, turning to her to throw her a wink, “Trust me.”

Raven's eyes widened comically. The grin on the Latina's face getting even bigger, if that were possible before she was pulling her phone out excitedly, “I have to tell Anya.”

“What? No!” Lexa objected, the blush on her face coming back full force and just when she thought she'd returned to her original color.

“I promised her!” Raven argued, clearly preoccupied by pulling up Anya's contact in her phone.

“What exactly did you promise her?” Lexa narrowed her eyes in horror.

Raven shot her an expression that could only be described as 'duh', “That I'd call her if you ever got laid.”

Lexa groaned, being led to one of the stools at the breakfast bar by Clarke, who took the seat next to her. The blonde clearly amused at the situation and Lexa would be annoyed, you know, if it weren't for the teeth marks on Clarke's throat that was darkening. Reminding her of the intimacy they'd shared only a short time ago. She shot Clarke a smile, getting butterflies in her stomach when it was returned.

“Besides,” Raven rolled her eyes, “She owes me twenty bucks now.”

“Of course she does,” Clarke rolled her eyes, commandeering Raven's cup of coffee, “Why wouldn't you make bets about this? How silly of me to think you weren't a child.”

“Yep,” Raven chuckled, “How silly of you – hey, Anya!”

“Missing me already, Reyes?”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows, watching Raven hold up the phone, obviously face-timing. Anya was so going to make fun of her, she wasn't going to hear the end of it. Not ever. She watched as Raven scoffed, rolling her eyes but the smile that accompanied it a dead give away. Raven was obviously quite fond of Anya. She took a glance at Clarke, seeing her hold the steaming up of coffee under her chin and hum at the smell, maybe her and Clarke could tease 'Ranya' instead.

“You wish, Woods! No, I've got news!”

“What's up?”

“You have to guess.”

“I don't know, did someone die?”

Lexa watched as both of the cousins frowned in confusion. Clarke taking a glance at her but she just shrugged. What was she supposed to say? 'Anya be like that'. No. She wasn't going to attempt to explain Anya to anyone. That would take forever.

“What? No, why would I make you guess that?” Raven shook her head at the screen, “No, it's good news.”

“Oh. Um, Starbucks brought back that poppy seed bagel thing that you liked?”

“Think bigger.”

“Um...” Lexa doubted that Anya could sound any border if she tried, “You won the lottery and now you're a millionaire?”

“Okay,” Raven laughed, “Maybe not that big. Lexa and Clarke had sex!”

That peeked Anya's interest, “Lexa and Clarke did what now?”

“Sex! They sexed!”

Lexa face palmed, leaning towards Clarke slightly, she whispered, “Kill me?”

Clarke gave her a somewhat sympathetic look, patting her arm gently.

“What the damn hell? No?!”

“Yes!” Raven said enthusiastically.

“Wait...you mean in Lexa's dreams right?”

“What? No,” Raven frowned before a chuckle left her throat, “I mean, probably...but real sex too!”

“No way!”

And then she was shoving the phone in front of Lexa's face, “Ask them yourself.”

Lexa frowned, seeing her sister on the screen with wide eyes.

“Lexa? What did you do?”

Lexa gulped, grinning sheepishly, “Apparently I 'sexed', whatever that means.”

“No, say it. You I have say it,” Anya's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Lexa sighed in defeat, scrubbing a hand down her face, “I slept with Clarke.”

“You what with who now?” Anya's wide eyes came back full force.

“Ahn-” Lexa whined but was quickly cut off.

“You were dreaming, weren't you? Lex, you can't just go around telling everyone that your sex dreams really happened! I mean, I had a sex dream about Christina Aguilera last week, does that mean I slept with her? No-”

“Anya!” Lexa snapped.

“Don't you 'Anya' me! You don't need to make these things up just to seem cool-”

“Jesus, Anya!” Lexa huffed, “Would you stop? Believe what you want-”

“No, I need to hear this from Clarke.”

Lexa looked at her sister, a mortified expression coming onto her face. Anya was such a pain in the ass. She should've just hung up on her when Raven passed her the damn phone. Fucking Anya. But Clarke lent over, her face taking up half the camera as she shot Anya a sly smile.

“I'd be happy to give you a detailed recollection of your sister fucking me, if you'd like,” Clarke teased.

Anya immediately recoiled, nose scrunching in disgust, “Oh God no, that's...ugh, how did you not directly vomit into her mouth?”

Clarke shrugged lazily, “She's hot.”

“Why do you always assume people want to vomit on me?” Lexa frowned.

“Holy fuck, it really is true. You actually had sex,” Anya looked impressed, “Now that really is one for the newsletter-”

“Ahn,” Lexa whined.

Anya shrugged, shooting an astonished look between Clarke and Lexa for a few more seconds before disconnecting the call completely without so much as a goodbye. Typical Anya. Lexa turned to Raven with a scowl.

“I hope you enjoyed that.”

“I did,” Raven grinned, grabbing a fresh cup and pouring herself a coffee before heading for the stairs, “If you two even think about screwing on the breakfast bar then I'll kick you both out!”

Lexa's eyes widened while Clarke laughed, turning to her, “I thought you were going to make me breakfast?”

That made Lexa smile.

- - - - - - - - - -

She thought it was a good idea. Bringing Madison to the park for a bike ride. She assumed that the toddler would find it fun. She pictured Madison's smiling face as she pushed the little brunette along the path in the sunshine. The birds chirping and laughter filling the air. Madison, however, had different ideas.

At the first mention of the bike, when Lexa picked her up, Madison had seemed pretty curious. Lexa had explained that they were selling them at a local toy store and asked the little girl if she'd like to try it. Madison had agreed with a nod of her head and a determined expression on her face.

So Lexa was going to teach her how to ride a bike.

They'd gone to the store, they'd spent a while picking a color. Eventually settling on blue because blue was 'pretty' and they'd left for the park. Lexa striding along with the bike in one hand and Madison on the opposite hip, the toddler fisting the front of her shirt like her life depended on it.

And it was a nice day for a bike ride. The sun was, indeed, out and there were in fact, birds. They'd gotten to the flattest bit of concrete, just a little way from Madison's beloved ducks. Madison would still be able to keep an eye on them, thank God. Lexa had set the bike and the toddler down, checking the former for safety and sending the latter an encouraging smile as she explained how Madison was going to ride this bike. That's when things didn't go quite how Lexa pictured them going.

“So,” Lexa patted the seat of the bike from her crouched position, “Sit here.”

But Madison didn't move a muscle, instead just staring at the bike in confusion. Like it was somehow offending her by it's mere presence. Lexa frowned, trying again.

“Are you going to get on it?”

Madison shot Lexa the most apprehensive look she could, shaking her head, “No.”

Lexa's eyebrows shot up in surprise, she glanced between the bike and the toddler, assuming Madison just needed some encouragement, “Bikes are really fun! Just try?”

“No, thank you.”

Lexa smiled, letting out a sigh, “Alright, what do you want to do, little one?”

Madison's eyes met hers, the toddler deep in thought as she regarded Lexa carefully. Like she was making the biggest decision ever. Finally she nodded to herself, obviously set on whatever decision she'd come to.

“Duckies.”

Lexa rolled here eyes fondly. Of course Madison wanted to see her ducks. What was she thinking. Madison's love affair with her ducks was fast paced from the moment the little girl had come across the creatures and nothing had put a damper on it since. Lexa nodded.

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” She agreed, slinging the bike over her shoulder and holding her hand out for Madison to grab.

Which she did, skipping along next to Lexa and humming gently to herself as they went. Lexa smiled. Her thoughts drifting to Clarke. Maybe she could introduce Clarke and Madison one day. Spending a day with them both sounded just about perfect to Lexa. Her two worlds colliding. She bit her lip, maybe not. Maybe Clarke would find babysitting boring, not everyone liked kids after all and Clarke was a little younger than her. Clarke probably preferred partying to feeding ducks.

A squeal from Madison pulled her attention, looking down to find the little girl with a big smile on her face, waving excitedly at her special friends.

Chapter Text

13. The Woods-ses-ses

She woke up with a start, blinking into the darkness of her bedroom as she tired to decipher what woke her up. With her mind groggy, she barely registered the hands on her hips. The fingers hooking into her pajama shorts and unceremoniously yanking the material down her thighs. Her eyes widened, the gasp in her throat immediately turning into an embarrassingly needy whimper at the feeling of a wet tongue gliding over her clit.

Her thighs clenched, unable to close due to the flat palms pushing them open. Useless against the assault of tongue on her clit. With flailing arms, one hand shot between her legs, landing on a head of soft hair. Her back arching automatically into the willing mouth. Her fingers tangling, urging said mouth. Not that it needed any encouragement.

Her body gave in to the feeling fully, her thighs falling further open for better access. The hands on her thighs shifting under her to grip at her ass. In the next movement that wicked tongue slipped inside her. Stroking against her insides and coaxing a whine from her throat.

The tongue fucked into her at a rapid pace, building her. Her core clenching around the wet muscle. The feeling of the hot mouth against her making her flood against the intrusion. Her breathing coming out in pants and the occasional hitch whenever the talented tongue made her body shiver. Her fingers automatically tugging at the hair threaded through them, the closer she got to oblivion.

The moment she got to the point of teetering on the edge, the tongue left her. Making a noise of protest claw at the back of her throat. But that noise died on her lips as the tongue was replace, a moment later, by two reaching fingers. The feeling of the sudden penetration making her gasp, her back practically arching off the bed and her eyes flying open.

“Oh my God!”

Between the probing thrusts of fingers dragging through her sensitive, slick walls and the punishing suck of lips against her clit, she had no choice but to succumb to the feelings. Her skin flushed and the ministrations giving her no time to catch her breath before she was breaking. Falling down a cliff face and getting lifted into the clouds simultaneously as she crashed.

Something in her lower belly snapping and pushing her into wave after wave of carnal pleasure. With a cry on her lips and a quiver in her spine. The intensity almost too much to bear as her cunt got thoroughly worked. Not giving her a second of respite and keeping her soaring for longer than she thought possible.

Soon, shudders turned into shivers. Cries turned into sighs and the assault on her sex turned into languid, soft stroked of a tongue and gentle kisses. The fingers stilling until her rhythmic clenches slowed and then leaving her completely. Her fingers softening their tight hold as her senses came back to her. Her eyes opening in an attempt to adjust to the darkness.

Her hands came up, peeling back the comforter to reveal the shadows of a familiar face. A familiar face that was smirking.

“Clarke?” Lexa questions softy, voice thick with both sleep and arousal.

Clarke's head tilted teasingly, smirk never faltering in the darkness, “Where you expecting someone else?”

Lexa wished she could see more in the minimal light. Clarke's eyes. Clarke's smile. Clarke's face between her spread thighs. If the glistening on Clarke's chin was what she thought it was. The blonde took her silence as a chance to slide upwards, purposefully dragging her body against Lexa's in the process before her weight settled on top of the brunette.

Clarke's breath fanning over her mouth, “Do you often have naked girls waking you up this way?”

Lexa shook her head, unable to form words in that moment. Her fingers coming up to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear, her palm settling against Clarke's cheek and the thumb tracing the blonde's eyebrow.

“Good,” Clarke smiled, “It'd be awkward if I ran into someone on my way here, I'd have to fight them for your attention and I'm not very athletic.”

“No,” Lexa licked her lips, getting lost in blue eyes, “My attention is all yours.”

An unreadable look passed over the blonde's face. The air getting thicker around them. The tension becoming slightly awkward before Clarke was wiggling her hips with a light hearted laugh.

“Don't keep me waiting, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled. Hands landing on Clarke's hips, smoothly rounding on the blonde's ass and grabbing fistfuls. Using the leverage to help Clarke grind into her pelvis. Moaning as the state of Clarke's undress registered with her. Trust Clarke to climb into bed with her, naked and wake her up like that.

She took a moment to appreciate just how sexy Clarke was. Mused hair, wicked grin and soft, bare body moving expertly against her in fluid body rolls. Thighs squeezing Lexa's hips and elbows planted into the pillows either side of Lexa's head.

Lexa swallowed thickly, “Why do you always get to be in control?”

The cocked eyebrow, she expected. The challenging look in the blonde's eyes, was not. And that was a challenge that Lexa was only too happy to accept. Giving the blonde's ass a firm slap before flipping them roughly. Clarke hitting the mattress with a surprised gasp. Maybe she enjoyed the shocked but excited look on the blonde's face a little too much.

She settled between the blonde's silky thighs, spreading them to accommodate her hips. Her mouth slanting over Clarke's in a needy kiss. She could taste herself on the blonde's tongue and it only spurred her on. Thrusting her hips between Clarke's thighs and feeling Clarke's damp cunt sliding across her lower stomach with every movement.

Clarke groaned into her moan, swiping her tongue against Lexa's in that filthy way that only Clarke could. Lexa recoiled, pulling away as Clarke mewled, she wasn't going to let Clarke take control. Not this time. Her teeth met Clarke's lower lip, nipping harshly, getting the blonde's attention as she grabbed Clarke's hands. Pining them to the pillows above Clarke's head.

“Fuck, Lexa,” Clarke cried out, licking the blood that Lexa left behind on her bottom lip, “Where have you been hiding this?”

She didn't need to reply.

She held both of Clarke's wrists in one hand and fell to the side of the blonde's body, giving her other hand full access. Her mouth finding Clarke's neck, teeth meeting skin immediately. Making Clarke hiss and writhe.

Her palm connected with the base of Clarke's throat, squeezing long enough to hear Clarke gasp before moving downwards. Stroking firmly between Clarke's breast, over the soft expanse of Clarke's stomach and settling between spread thighs. Forcefully cupping the blonde's mound.

Clarke let out a whimper, her thighs shifting to clamp over Lexa's hand but Lexa was quicker. Pushing Clarke's thighs back open with a shove and nipping Clarke's ear. Her hand falling back to Clarke's sex.

“Keep them open for me,” Lexa hissed lowly, “You're good at that.”

For a second Lexa worried that she'd gone too far. That unleashing her dominant side on the blonde had been too much. But those worries vanished the moment she felt Clarke's thighs open further for her and a guttural moan left the blonde's throat. It made her smirk, even as her teeth found their way back to Clarke's jaw.

“Jesus, Lexa! Just fuck me!” Clarke groaned impatiently.

“I will when I'm ready to,” Lexa growled against Clarke's skin.

Clarke let out a whimper and Lexa groaned, giving the blonde's cunt a gentle slap. The wet sound reaching their ears. Clarke let out a giggle, making Lexa's eyebrows shoot up as she pulled away from the blonde to see her grinning face. She couldn't help but press a kiss against Clarke's mouth.

“It isn't supposed to be funny,” Lexa grumbled against soft lips.

“It's not!” Clarke shook her head, “I'm sorry. It's really sexy, I'm just enjoying this side of you.”

Lexa smiled, leaning back into Clarke's lips. Both of them giggling through the first few meshes of their lips before Clarke's tongue came to play, turning things heated.

Her hand found it's way back up. Fingers dancing over Clarke's stomach until she was cupping a breast. Clarke's hardened nipple grazing against her palm as she squeezed the fleshy globe, eliciting a moan.

Their mouths met again and again in messy, wet kisses while Lexa explored Clarke's chest. Playing with the blonde's breasts. Taking her time squeezing them, manipulating them. Stroking and pinching Clarke's nipples. Winding Clarke up to the point of writhing. Panting and arching against Lexa in earnest.

“Fuck me, Lexa,” Clarke whimpered, a needy whine leaving her mouth.

Lexa smirked, reconnecting their lips, fingers rolling Clarke's nipple, “Where are your manners?”

“Please!”

The sound of Clarke's voice was desperate, needy and so satisfying to Lexa. Her hand fell between Clarke's spread thighs, fingers rubbing harshly at the blonde's clit and making Clarke sob a loud moan.

“Good girl,” Lexa teased, leaning her head down and sucking a nipple into her mouth.

“Jesus, fuck!” Clarke whimpered, arching off the bed.

Clarke's hips rolling into her hand. Lexa moaning at the slippery feeling of Clarke's clit against her fingers. The blonde thoroughly soaked for her. She could tell that it wouldn't take Clarke long to come, from the breathy whimpers filling the air.

She tightened her grasp on Clarke's wrists when the blonde started to wiggle, fighting the hold. But Lexa was stronger. Grazing her teeth across Clarke's nipple in time with the firm strokes of her thumb against the blonde's clit. Once, twice, three times before Clarke let out a loud, guttural sob. Back arching, mouth open and head thrown back as she came with her usual 'fuck'.

And Lexa watched her with hungry eyes. Softly stroking into Clarke's folds and kissing across soft flesh as the blonde took deep breaths. Feeling Clarke's racing heart under her cheek as the blonde came down from her high.

After a few, long minutes, Clarke's eyes fluttered open and blue met green. Lexa smirked, working her fingers and watching Clarke quiver every time her fingers connected with the blonde's over sensitive bundle of nerves.

“I love,” Lexa punctuated each word with a harsher stroke, “To watch you come for me.”

As soon as the word 'me' left her lips, Lexa was pushing three fingers into Clarke's unsuspecting cunt. The blonde arching clean off the bed, eyes wide and mouth open.

“Holy fucking! Fuck- Holy shit! Lex-AH!”

She smiled, nosing her way across Clarke's cheek and pressing kisses as she went. Taking her time to wait for the blonde to adjust to the intrusion. Clarke's cunt clenching around her fingers tightly. Chest heaving beautifully.

“Jesus, babe,” Clarke whined, “I know I said I wanted you to fuck me but-”

Lexa cut Clarke off by moving her hand, pulling back before deeply plunging her fingers back into the blonde. Leaning on the wrists she was holding onto for leverage and taking Clarke's strangled cry as a green light to start fucking her.

Clarke's eyes rolled into the back of her head, her body rolling and hips working upwards in an attempt to meet Lexa's punishing thrusts.

Wrist cramping at the pace she was setting, Lexa couldn't get enough of seeing Clarke like this, out of control and getting thoroughly fucked. She'd never forget the image. She kept her pace. The sun was starting to rise and giving her a beautiful view of Clarke's body.

Her eyes narrowing in on where Clarke's cunt was swallowing her fingers and she hummed her appreciation against Clarke's breast. Moaning at the view coupled with with the needy grip on her digits.

The wet slapping sound of arousal coated skin against skin, only spurred her on to pound into Clarke. Clarke's cunt stretching around her fingers. The heel of her hand hitting against Clarke's clit with every thrust until she felt Clarke fluttering around her.

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa hissed against the blonde's skin, “Come for me.”

“Fuck!” The blonde keened, shuddering a breath as her body responded to the command.

Cunt clenching, back arching and sobbed whimpers as Clarke's come covered her hand. Lexa groaned at the sight.

“Shit,” Clarke giggled, looking up at Lexa with a flushed face and a grin, breathing heavy, “I'm going to hurt tomorrow.”

“Maybe,” Lexa agreed with a smile, flexing her fingers inside the blonde and making a gasp catch in Clarke's throat.

She let go of Clarke's wrists. Smiling as the blonde's arms wrapped around her shoulders. And gently pulled her fingers out, bringing them to her mouth to clean and taste. Not missing the blue eyes following her movements. Gasping a second later when her tongue was getting sucked into Clarke's mouth.

Her head hit the pillow next to Clarke's head, nose buried in Clarke's hair. Limbs tangled. Skin to skin. She hummed in contentment. Eye's drooping. Sighing in Clarke's scent. She felt soft fingers stroking against her cheekbone.

“Sleep,” She head Clarke whisper.

- - - - - - - - - -

When she woke up, it was to the beautiful view of Clarke's bare ass as the blonde bent over, rifling through one of her draws. She sat up, eyes lingering.

“Was this your plan all along?” Lexa asked, eyebrow raised, “Seduce me to steal my things?”

Clarke glanced at her over her shoulder, rolling her eyes, “No. I'm trying to find some clothes so that I don't have to go downstairs naked.”

“You know,” Lexa teased, licking her lips, “If you didn't creep into my room in the middle of the night butt naked then you wouldn't be in this predicament.”

Clarke stood then, turning to her wearing only a smirk. Lexa's eyes trailing over Clarke's body as Clarke walked over to the bed with an enticing sway of hips.

“Are you complaining?” Clarke teased, leaning forward and pressing a short kiss against Lexa's lips.

She smiled into the kiss, “Never.”

“Good,” Clarke said with a wide grin, standing upright, “Come on, I heard Raven get up a while ago and I'm in dire need of a coffee before school.”

Lexa agreed with a grumble and a nod. Getting out of bed and getting dressed for the day. Only peeking a little as Clarke pulled on a pair of soft, grey sweat pants and an oversized white shirt. Clarke caught her peeking anyway, sending her a naughty smile and shoulder checking her on the way past.

“Jesus, I'm sore,” Clarke grumbled, making her way down the stairs in front of Lexa, “Did you have to fuck me?”

Lexa gasped, “You told me to!”

“I know,” Clarke giggled, pausing in her decent to look at Lexa, “You're just so passive, I wanted to heat things up.”

Lexa's eyes widened at the light hearted tease. Their eyes connecting for a few seconds before Lexa was chasing the giggling blonde down the stairs. Clarke letting out squeals every time Lexa's tickling fingers came into contact with her sides.

And she kept chasing her until she barreled into Clarke's back at the blonde's abrupt stop in the kitchen. Hands landing on Clarke's hips to steady herself. It took her a few seconds to realize the reason for Clarke's halting but when she did, her eyes widened.

There was Raven, waving around the fucking spatula with a shit eating grin on her face. Standing next to none other than her little brother, Aden fucking Woods.

“You guys want waffles or have you had your fill?” Raven asked along with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

“Lexa!” Aden shrieked, jogging over and throwing himself into Lexa's arms the moment she'd stepped away from Clarke.

“Ade!” Lexa grinned hugging him back tightly, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, sor-ry!” Aden said, pulling back and throwing a hand over his heart in mock offence, “I thought you'd be pleased-”

“Shut up, I am!” Lexa chuckled, “Where's mom?”

Aden jerked his thumb towards the front door just as it opened to reveal Anya and Indra.

Anya sending them all a smile before gesturing to Indra, “This is our mom, Ind-”

“Indra!” Raven squealed, making all of the Woods siblings frown while Clarke rolled her eyes, “I'm Raven Reyes. It's so good to finally meet you. We are going to be best friends forever, I can tell. Plus, can I just say, well fucking done for creating Anya cause, well, fuck she's a dish.”

Indra hardly even looked phased, just levelling Raven with an amused expression, “Why thank you, Raven Reyes. Gustus and I always did have high hopes for Anya to become a dish.”

“Then mission fucking accomplished, Mrs W,” Raven grinned.

“And you are?” Indra asked turning to Clarke.

“Clarke,” Lexa answered, swallowing thickly, “This is Clarke, my...she's my...” She trailed off. Friend? She wasn't sure.

Clarke tilted her head to the side, a naughty smirk coming to her face, “Lover.”

Lexa's mouth dropped open. Trust Clarke to drop her in it. And trust Anya and Raven to snigger in amusement. She shot them, what she hoped were, scary death glares. She didn't miss Aden's eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“It's nice to meet you,” Clarke continued with an easy smile, “I'm not going to compliment you on your children's sex appeal and I'd rather just be friendly acquaintances than best friends, if that's okay with you.”

Indra smiled, “I appreciate that.”

“Wait a second,” Aden started up, “Lovers? Did Lexa pay you to say that?”

“What?” Clarke giggled, catching eyes with Anya and Raven who were just about doubled over in laughter.

“Aden!” Lexa scolded with a frown.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Aden held his hands up in defense before shooting Lexa a condescending look, “But just so you know, Lexa, you shouldn't of wasted your money just to look cool in front of Indra.”

Lexa scowled, not missing the wink Clarke threw her way and seriously not amused by the chuckles leaving Raven and Anya.

“Are you too cool to hug your mother?” Came Indra's voice.

“Never!” Lexa declared with a laugh of her own, melting into Indra's arms.

A moment later, her siblings were next to her. All of them sticking their hands in the middle of the circle they'd formed and smirks on their faces as they chanted, “Woods!”

It was a stupid tradition, one that Gustus had started when Lexa played little league. But it stuck. The confused looks on Clarke and Raven's faces brought heat to her cheeks.

“What the hell was that?” Raven asked.

“Family tradition,” Anya smirked with a shrug.

“Jeez, our only family tradition is avoiding eye contact when grandma Griffin says something racist,” Raven rolled her eyes, nudging her cousin.

Lexa blinked at them, dumbfounded for a second before she turned back to her mother, “I thought you guys weren't coming until tonight?”

“I decided to let Aden have the day off to spend time with Anya because I have some people to see today,” Indra explained, getting ushered by Raven to the breakfast bar, a full plate of waffles and fruit in front of her.

Lexa nodded, following everyone further into the kitchen.

“He wanted to spend some one on one time with his favorite sister,” Anya quipped with a wink.

“Provided that his favorite sister doesn't encourage him to get into any trouble,” Indra sent Anya a scolding look, making Anya roll her eyes.

“I'm just trying to make sure he ends up as cool as I am,” Anya grumbled, “God knows Lexa isn't going to help with that.”

Lexa scowled, sticking her tongue out at her sister.

“I don't know,” Aden mused, tapping his chin thoughtfully, “I think Lexa might officially be the cooler sister now that she's dating this beauty.”

Clarke chuckled at the thumb being jerked in her direction while Lexa smiled proudly.

“Hey!” Anya scowled, “I wouldn't call it dating, besides, if you wanna talk beauty have you seen Raven?”

“Fair point, well made,” Aden nodded, “At this rate I'm going to have to wife up Christina Aguilera to compete with you two.”

“What the hell is it with the Woods siblings and Christina Aguilera?” Raven frowned, cocking her head at Clarke.

The blonde just shrugged, “She's hot. I'd do her.”

“That's not saying much-”

“Hey!” Clarke slapped Raven's arm in retaliation, “I do have standards.”

“And those standards include the dork that is my sister,” Anya smirked.

“Anya!” Indra scolded, making Aden and Lexa share a grin at their other sibling getting into trouble, “What have I told you about your sarcasm?”

“Not at the dinner table,” Anya grumbled, shooting death glares at her grinning siblings.

“That's right,” Indra waved a finger in her oldest daughter's face, “You aren't too old for me to ground you, you know.”

“Sorry, mommy,” Anya frowned, looking thoroughly chastised.

“See,” Clarke raised a teasing eyebrow, stealing a blueberry from Raven's plate, “Your mom agrees with me, dorks are sexy.”

“Get your damn own!” Raven snapped at Clarke with a smack to the blonde's ass.

Aden scurried over, picking up his plate and holding it out to Clarke with a bow, “Milady.”

“Thank you, kind sir,” Clarke grinned, accepting the plate and hauling herself up, onto the kitchen counter before tucking in.

“Damn,” Raven smirked, spatula waving towards Aden, “Smooth, that one.”

“Yup,” Anya chuckled, popping the 'p', “He's got the 'Woods charm', unlike Lexa.”

“Hey!” Lexa's protests fell on deaf ear. Indra giving her a sympathetic look, which did not make her feel better because really? Her mom?

“Don't worry, I can give you some pointers,” Aden quipped with a charming smile as he stole the plate Raven had just given her. Making Lexa pout.

“Come here, babe,” Clarke hooked a leg around Lexa's waist pulling her in, “You can share with me.”

That wiped the pout off her face, she shot Aden a wink, gesturing to the fork that Clarke was pointing towards her mouth, “Woods charm.”

Raven made a snorting noise, sharing a glance at Anya, who was smirking and everyone tucked into their food. Lexa stealing bites from Clarke and Raven making gagging noises to make them laugh. It was Aden who broke the silence after a few quiet minutes.

“I didn't know this place was a museum,” He said, drawing everyone's attention, “But you,” Aden gestured to Clarke, “Are a piece of art.”

It took a few seconds for the joke to sink in but once it did, everyone was in hysterics.

- - - - - - - - - -

Finn fucking Collins. How could she forget that he'd be back today? Other than the fact she'd all but forgotten his existence. Fuck. She'd hoped she hadn't looked quite as annoyed as she felt at his mere presence.

The rumors about Clarke and Finn's break up had simmered out with Finn's absence but she wasn't sure that it would stay that way, now that the boy was back. He settled into a seat in the front row. Receiving glares from Octavia and she started her class with a sigh.

When Clarke honored them with her presence twenty minutes later, slipping into the room and doing a double take upon noticing Finn. Schooling herself in the next moment but Lexa had caught it. She also caught how Finn sent the blonde a dirty look, so she made her way across the room. Tapping her knuckles on his desk and giving him a pointed look once she'd gotten his attention. Keeping it until Clarke had settled into the space Octavia and Lincoln had made between them.

She tried to carry on the lesson. Hoped everyone would just get on with their assignments. But of course Finn just couldn't. It started with hushed whispers that she didn't quite catch. She noticed Finn scowling at Clarke, while Clarke kept her head down. Lincoln's arm slung across the blonde's shoulders. Octavia hissing at Finn from her seat. Lexa's eyes narrowed, focusing in on the conversation.

“I'm just saying,” Finn snarled, jerking his chin towards Lincoln and Clarke, “She's moved on from me pretty quick.”

“And I'm just saying,” Octavia sneered, “You moved on from her before you even broke up!”

“Whatever,” Finn grumbled, “She deserved it-”

“Fuck you!” Clarke joined in, voice steely but eyes glued to her desk.

Finn leant back in his chair, a smirk covering his face, “You already have.”

Clarke spun around but Lexa was quicker, “Keep your comments to yourself, Mr Collins.”

Finn's eyes widened, “Clarke started it! You've seen her violent tendencies-”

“Finn-”

“She's off the fucking rails-”

“I'll show you 'off the fucking rails',” Clarke cut him off.

“Enough!” Lexa raised her voice, gaining shocked expressions from the whole room, “Do your work.”

Clarke clenched her jaw but returned to her assignment but Finn kept up his muttering.

“I got fucking suspended, she gets away with everything-”

“One more word and you'll be in detention, Collins.”

That shut him up. Lexa sighed. She couldn't wait for this class to be over.

Luckily the rest of the hour went by with no other disturbance. Although, from time to time, she did notice Octavia shooting Finn some vicious glares. Clarke lingered after, waiting for the other students to disappear before sidling over to Lexa and sitting on the desk. A far off look on her face.

“You okay?” Lexa asked, shooting Clarke a soft smile.

Clarke nodded thoughtfully, eyes dancing around the room. It was clear to Lexa that Clarke's mind was somewhere else.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly, squeezing the blonde's thigh.

It drew Clarke's attention to her, blue eyes finally settling on hers and Clarke blew out a breath. Shaking her head.

“I'm fine,” She smiled lopsidedly before a smirk came on her face, “Wanna fuck me on this desk after school?”

Lexa laughed, glad to have Clarke back in that moment, “I wish! I'm babysitting, then dinner with Indra.”

Clarke hummed, nodding again and eyes searching Lexa's face, voice taking on a seductive tone, “Make sure you save some room for dessert.”

“Oh?” Lexa raised an eyebrow, blush coming to her cheeks.

Clarke nodded, leaning forwards to brush their lips together before pulling back with a wink, “You're looking at the menu.”

A little whine escaped from the back of Lexa's throat, making her blush in embarrassment. Clarke Griffin was going to be the death of her.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Anya said she'd bring the wonder boy over, after schools out so we can blow some shit up in my lab,” Raven grinned excitedly, slumping into the couch next to Lexa at lunchtime. The Latina frowning when Lexa didn't respond, “Who peed in you cornflakes?”

Lexa sighed, scrubbing a hand down her face, “Finn Collins is back.”

“Oh,” Raven nodded, mouth turning into a thin line.

It was the most serious she'd ever seen her friend look, “What? Do you hate him as much as I do?”

Raven lifted a shoulder in a half shrug, “It's just..I don't know, Clarke's been doing so good lately and that little fucker doesn't know how to keep his damn mouth closed!”

“Tell me about it!” Lexa nodded in agreement, “I already had to threaten him with a detention today.”

Raven's eyes snapped to hers, “What did he say?”

“Just something about Clarke being 'off the rails' and whining about being suspended.”

“Oh,” Raven mused, “What about Clarke? She okay?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, “Octavia was sticking up for her and I spoke to her after.”

“Thanks, Lex,” Raven smiled, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder, “Let's just hope he doesn't fuck things up for her.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, glancing down nervously. The thought of anyone 'fucking things up' for Clarke leaving her with a unsettling feeling in her gut.

Raven shrugged, sitting upright to look at Lexa, “It's like every time Clarke gets it together and is doing okay, the world just sends her a big heap of shit to climb out of. Girl can only take so much, you know?”

Lexa nodded, pursing her lips and waiting for Raven to continue. She watched her friend let out a big sigh.

“I feel like I only just got her back from last time she crashed,” Raven mumbled sadly.

“Hey,” Lexa frowned, wrapping what she hoped was a comforting arm around Raven's shoulders, “Didn't you tell me that Clarke always manages to claw her way back to sanity every time she hits rock bottom?”

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “I know. It's just...Clarke was, is, the most stable, responsible person I know, she's had to deal with so much and it's...it's just hard seeing her like this. Even if I know that she'll be okay, it's the watching her hit rock bottom that hurts. Knowing there's nothing I can do about it.”

“I think you do a lot,” Lexa shrugged, giving Raven a reassuring smile, “I think you help her find her way back to herself, she wouldn't be doing so well without you, right?”

Raven shrugged, a thoughtful frown on her face, “Maybe, I don't know. Clarke's just...if nothing else, that girl is resilient as fuck.”

“Something tells me she gets that from you.”

They shared the moment, tentative smiles on each of their faces as they let the words sit. It wasn't often that Raven opened up about Clarke and Lexa wasn't going to push. She knew that Clarke was going through stuff, that much was evident but she didn't know what. Nor did she need to. All she needed to do was be there for them both. After a while the heaviness in the air changed, something more neutral taking it's place. And Raven leant back on the couch. Their moment over, so Lexa smiled.

“So...Anya's bringing Ade over?”

“Yeah,” Raven grinned, “Apparently he's a science nerd so I'm pretty excited to let him make some mini explosions.”

Lexa nodded. Aden was a lot of things, including being a bit of a geek. They were all so proud of his academic mind, something Lexa and Anya were lacking a bit. They'd never gotten the grades that Aden did when they were in school. Something Indra liked to point out whenever possible. But the sisters were glad for it. Aden was smart. Aden was going somewhere, he was going to be someone. Anyone he wanted.

“He's a little genius,” She smiled fondly before she nudged Raven teasingly, “How's it going with you and Anya, spending a lot of time together are you?”

“I don't know, how's it going with you and Clarke?” Raven quipped, throwing Lexa a pointed look.

Lexa sighed, that was fair. She supposed, “Is this were you threaten to kill me if I hurt her?”

“No,” Raven laughed with a shake of her head, “If you hurt her then Clarke's more than capable of killing you herself, definitely before I get the chance.”

“You sound like you want to get the chance,” Lexa laughed, slapping Raven lightly on the arm when the Latina looked like she was considering it. Lexa let out another sigh, voice turning more serious, “I care about her so much, Raven.”

“I know,” Raven agreed, tone careful as she squinted at Lexa, “Just...don't get hurt. I don't wanna have to pick sides and I don't wanna have to end things with Anya just because Clarke can't deal with looking at your stupid face.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, teeth finding her bottom lip.

“Clarke doesn't do relationships,” Raven shrugged, “She does distractions.”

Lexa was quiet for a moment. Pondering the implications of Raven's words. She didn't know what her and Clarke were. She had forced herself not to think about it but in the back of her mind she'd been more than aware of that possibility. That she was a distraction for Clarke. Somehow it didn't matter. She wanted Clarke in whatever way Clarke was willing to give her. Distraction or not. It was worth it. Clarke was worth it. She just hoped that it would never end up how Raven suggested. That she'd always be in Clarke and Raven's lives in some capacity. She wasn't ready to give up her friend and she wasn't ready for Clarke to be a memory.

“What does she need distracting from?” Lexa mused without thinking, she squeezed her eyes shut in regret.

It wasn't her business. She'd promised herself that if she ever go to know what was wrong in Clarke's life that it would be Clarke choice. Luckily, she knew that Raven would never just divulge that information. Raven was always on Clarke's side, she'd always do what was in Clarke's best interests.

“Life?” Raven shrugged, “Her mom, just...everything.”

Lexa nodded, thankful for the vague answer and lent against her friends shoulder.

Chapter Text

14. Pretty Aden

“So, illusive daughter of mine,” Indra levelled her with a scolding expression that Lexa just knew was coming, “Tell me why I haven't heard from you.”

Lexa sighed. It wasn't that she didn't like to talk to her mom. She loved her mom, she missed her when she wasn't around her. It just hadn't been easy. She'd been so consumed with her new life that she hadn't thought much of it. And every time she had though about picking up the phone, she'd hesitated. She glanced down at Madison who was sitting cross legged in her lap, using Lexa's knees as a runway for a toy airplane she'd found for the toddler. Surprisingly, not, Marcus had asked Lexa to hang on to Madison for as long as she could. Again. Not that she was complaining, she'd keep Madison forever but it made her angry that no one else seemed to want the little girl around. So there they were, having a burger at Azgeda with Indra.

“I don't know,” Lexa mused, chewing thoughtfully on one of her fries, “I don't have an excuse.”

Indra raised an eyebrow, tackling her own burger, “I didn't ask for an excuse, Alexandria, I asked for the reason.”

“Damn, Alexandria-ing me? I must be in trouble,” Lexa teased, earning a smile from Indra, “I've been preoccupied with fitting in here and...I didn't want you to think badly of me.”

Indra frowned, “And why would I think badly of you?”

Lexa's eyes met the table, her chin coming to rest on Madison's head, “Clarke.”

“What about Clarke?”

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck, pink coloring her cheeks, “She's...the thing is...”

“Spit it out, Lexa. I don't have the time for you to beat around the bush,” Indra scolded in that no nonsense tone Lexa loved, “I am getting on, you know.”

“Death jokes? Really?” Lexa smirked before nodding and steeling herself, “Clarke's a student, mom.”

The silence that followed was awkward. Lexa couldn't bare to look at the disappointed look that she was sure was on Indra's face. So she focused on Madison, stroking a hand over the toddlers dark curls and watching her little hand as she rolled the airplane over Lexa's knee. Humming to herself and usual. Her big, blue eyes meeting Lexa's.

“Pane,” Madison held it up to Lexa's face in wonder.

“That's right,” Lexa nodded, “Pretty plane.”

Madison nodded thoughtfully, bringing the item closer to her face for further inspection, “Pretty pane.”

“Lexa-”

“I know,” Lexa cut her off as Indra spoke, she squeezed her eyes shut, preparing herself to see the disappointment in Indra's eyes, “I know it's bad, you don't have to tell me. I know you're disappointed.”

But when she finally looked up to face her mother, Indra didn't look disappointed, she just looked concerned and it made Lexa frown.

“Lexa,” Indra continued, “Oh, Lexa. You haven't been calling me because you thought I'd judge you?”

Lexa blinked, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. Wasn't Indra doing just that? Judging her?

“Disappointed or not, this is no reason not to call me,” Indra scolded, “Besides, Anya already told me about Clarke.”

A gasp left Lexa's mouth, fucking Anya, “What the hell?”

“Language,” Indra shot a look at Madison and Lexa deflated, running a hand over the toddlers belly in apology, “It's a good thing that your sister talks, otherwise I wouldn't know anything that happens in your life.”

“I'm not that bad-”

“Lexa,” Indra cut her off with a pointed look, making her sigh, “Look, I'm not going to tell you that this thing with Clarke is absolutely fine because it isn't. It's a complicated situation...but it isn't the worst situation either.”

“What?” Lexa blinked in confusion.

“I imagine your reservations are age, commitment and the whole teacher student thing,” Indra asked, “Right?”

“Well, yeah but-”

“Lexa, age doesn't matter. She's legal and you're both adults.”

Lexa nodded, that was true.

“As far as commitment goes, that can be difficult in any relationship.”

“Right,” Lexa nodded again.

“And the teacher student thing,” Indra continued, “If you were actually a teacher then this would be completely wrong but you aren't. You aren't even trained. You only got the job because your uncle Marcus is good friends with the principle and they were running out of options to find someone to cover that maternity leave. You aren't even keeping this job, it's only for this year. Also, Lexa...it's Clarke.”

“I know,” Lexa deflated further before her eyes narrowed, “Wait, what do you mean 'it's Clarke'?”

“You stupid girl,” Indra shook her head, “I see the way you look at her, Lexa. It's obvious to anyone...subtlety has never been your strong suit, after all. You love her.”

Lexa's mouth fell open, she hadn't expected that. For Indra to just throw words like love out there. Especially so bluntly.

“Mom, it's not...me and Clarke aren't...it's not like that,” Lexa struggled for words, still trying to gather herself.

Luckily Madison interrupted the moment, holding up a fry, “Fy for Lessa.”

Lexa smiled, taking it from the toddler and leaving a sloppy kiss on Madison's cheek in thanks. She watched as Madison took another fry from her plate, holding it in Indra's direction.

“Fy for Indy,” Madison smiled when Indra took it with a grin, thanking her, “And fy for Madi.”

“So kind,” Lexa smiled, nuzzling Madison's cheek and pressing kisses to her hair line.

- - - - - - - - - -

This is not where she wanted to be. Or it was. It so was. But she shouldn't.

One minute she was having a coffee with her mom and Aden. Indra coming by to drop Aden off for the day, catching up with Lexa while waiting for Anya – because of course Anya couldn't just come with them - to arrive so that they could go shopping. It had been lovely. Until Clarke had woken up, lounging around the kitchen in skimpy pajamas that Lexa just knew the blonde had only worn to get to her. And sending her secretive smiles.

The next minute she was in Clarke's private bathroom with the blonde hiked up on the sink, her hips settled between spread thighs. And this was not what she had in mind when Clarke had asked her to fix the shower curtain.

“The shower curtain isn't even broken, Clarke,” She complained into the frantic kiss.

“I'm well aware, Lexa,” Clarke spat back, tone mocking.

“Fuck,” Lexa groaned, coaxing Clarke's tongue to come out to play.

Her arms wrapped tightly around Clarke's waist, her hips having a mind of their own and rocking into the blonde. Her hand made it's way into Clarke's hair, gripping perhaps slightly too hard as she sucked on Clarke's lower lip. Clarke moaned into her mouth, making her eyes widen.

“Shh!” She pulled away, turning her head out of reach when Clarke's lips followed her, “My mom is just out there.”

Clarke raised a challenging eyebrow, eyes dark with arousal, “If you didn't want to fuck me in this bathroom with you mom just out there then you shouldn't of teased me.”

“What?” Lexa gasped, “I didn't tease you.”

“Oh, please,” Clarke rolled her eyes, “You were looking at me like I'm a damn meal.”

Lexa groaned at the thought, Clarke was definitely a damn meal, “Fucking hell, Clarke. You're seriously corrupting me.”

Clarke snorted, shaking her head and looking at Lexa like she was a complete idiot. Maybe she was.

“I'm being serious!” Lexa hissed, “Before I met you I was a good girl.”

That earned another eye roll, “Well, I'm a bad girl and I've been naughty so how about you punish me?”

Between the words, the hungry look in those blue eyes and Clarke's thighs giving her a pointed squeeze, Lexa groaned, “Jesus, are you trying to kill me?”

“Just shut up and fuck me, Lexa.”

Lexa groaned, slanting their lips together in a frantic kiss. Breath mingling, teeth tugging and tongues searching. Their hands flying everywhere. Clarke's eventually settling at the back of Lexa's head, fingers carding into hair. Lexa's gripping at Clarke's hips, toying with the waistband of Clarke's pajama shorts. Gripping at Clarke like she never wanted to let her go.

Things heated up quickly. Lexa's hands slipping into the back of Clarke's shorts, squeezing the blonde's pantie clad ass. Clarke's hips grinding into Lexa with vigor, tongue pushing forcefully into Lexa's mouth between harsh nips. Lexa was the one to pull away, but minimally, as she tugged Clarke's shirt over her head. Clarke smirking at Lexa's sharp intake of breath as her green eyes landed on the swell of Clarke's breasts.

“You're so sexy,” Lexa breathed out, running her lips over Clarke's cheek and dropping a kiss to pliant lips before her mouth dropped to Clarke's cleavage.

Clarke was panting soon after that and Lexa couldn't control herself. Pulling off Clarke's shorts and underwear, she dropped down, hands parting Clarke's thighs and eyeing her greedily. Clarke's head fell back the moment Lexa's mouth latched onto her.

“Oh, fuck me!” Clarke groaned.

“That was the idea, Clarke,” Lexa smirked against damp flesh, thoroughly enjoying Clarke's unique smell and taste. She could never quite get enough of it.

Ignoring the reprimanding tug on her hair, Lexa grabbed Clarke's hips. Taking in the exceptionally smooth skin under her fingertips and reveling in being this close to Clarke. The breathy whimpers leaving Clarke's mouth, only spurring her on. She loved the noises she could pull from the blonde. And tried to take her time enjoying them, savoring this but her slow pace was met by a heel in the ribs. Clarke letting out a gentle, but impatient moan.

“You can take your time later,” Clarke growled, bucking her hips into Lexa's face.

Lexa nodded, her mouth going to work and as soon as she started sucking on Clarke's clit she realized just how close Clarke already was. It shouldn't surprise her really, Clarke seemed to be a real morning person when it came to sex. With the wetness against her chin and the writhing of Clarke's body, Lexa knew it wouldn't take much.

Lifting one of Clarke's thighs over her shoulder for a better angle, Lexa pushed her tongue into Clarke's warm cunt. Making Clarke growl, Lexa knew just how much Clarke loved to be tongue fucked. And Clarke's hand was against the back of Lexa's head, forcefully pushing Lexa's face between her legs even harder and rolling her hips long and deep, against Lexa's mouth. Letting out a sharp cry and coming around Lea's tongue, liquid covering Lexa's mouth and chin.

Lexa smiled, happy with herself as she licked firmly through Clarke's folds. Collecting her prize in the form of Clarke's essence as well as cleaning the blonde up. Clarke panted heavily, watching Lexa through hooded eyes as her hands came away from Lexa's head to rest behind her. Lexa didn't miss the intense gaze, matching it with her own as she continued to gently clean Clarke's pussy with her tongue.

And even if the expression on Clarke's face was unreadable, Lexa enjoyed it. She drank in every detail. The deep, darkened eyes with blown pupils, full of arousal. The pouty, kissable lips that were slightly parted. The hint of white teeth and the tip of that flat, wet tongue. The blush stretched from Clarke's bare breasts to her cheeks. The mused, sexed up hair. She was beautiful. And so sexy.

“Come up here,” Clarke's voice came out gravelly.

Lexa gave her a lopsided smile, running her hands up Clarke's smooth thighs and grasping her hips. Leaning forward from her kneeling position between Clarke's thighs to press a light kiss against the soft skin of the blonde's stomach. Clarke pursed her lips and sat up, effectively burying Lexa's face in her belly. Clarke's fingers threading through hair, gently pulling her head back to make eye contact again and met her in a heady kiss. And Lexa groaned, the feeling of Clarke sucking the taste from her tongue turning her on like nothing else.

Then Lexa was being pushed back, away from Clarke and Clarke was getting down from the counter but in the next moment, turning and bending over it. Lexa's eyes went wide, greedily running over Clarke's body to take in every detail from this angle.

“Come on, Lexa,” Clarke husked, blue eyes travelling up Lexa's body until their eyes met. And wiggling her bare, round ass, “I bet you've thought about taking me like this.”

Lexa's jaw clenched, a predatory look coming over her face as she stepped closer and leant over Clarke's body, lips pressing to Clarke's ear, “Fuck, you're so naughty.”

Clarke hissed as Lexa's teeth met the back of her shoulder, Lexa punctuating it with a sharp thrust into the blonde's ass. Clarke's hips desperately wiggling backwards to find some relief. Lexa took the hint, wrapping one hand in Clarke's hair, tugging gently and her other hand heading south. Sliding between their bodies, rubbing her fingers through Clarke's wetness before plunging two fingers into the blonde without warning.

“Oh, fuck!” Clarke cried, shuddering through the feeling.

Lexa bit her lip, eyes connecting with Clarke's in the mirror and making her hips thrust forward, the motion simultaneously driving her fingers even deeper into the blonde and grinding her own core against the back of her hand. And that did it for Lexa, she let go and started fucking into Clarke like she'd wanted to do since the blonde bent over.

Before long Clarke was crying out with every deep and insistent thrust Lexa was giving her. Both of them rutting like animals, desperate for release. Eye's still connected in the mirror. Both of them so close to release. Their skin slapping at the intense pace.

Lexa groaned at the feeling of Clarke clenching her fingers and pushed even deeper, “Come for me, Clarke.”

“I..Lexa, fuck!” Clarke cried out as her body responded to Lexa's command.

Clarke's needy pussy tightening considerably around Lexa's fingers, her whole body convulsing. Lexa could tell and feel just how big this particular orgasm was. That's what ultimately pushed Lexa over the edge too, there was nothing sexier to her than Clarke Griffin falling apart in her arms and around her fingers or tongue. She panted against the back of Clarke's shoulder, both of them breathing like they'd just sprinted. Their eyes connected and equally spent expressions on their faces.

“Lex?” Came Raven's voice along with a knock on the door, her friend's voice smug, “What ya up to in there?”

And Lexa gasped, eyes widening. Talking to Raven while she was literally inside Clarke was the last thing she ever wanted to do. She glanced at the position they were in with her mind cleared of the haze of arousal. Clarke bent over the sink, ass on full display. The blonde's dark eyes, still staring at her through the mirror, lips parted. Two of her fingers buried inside Clarke, her other hand tangled in blonde hair. Fuck. She really had gotten carried away.

“Just a sec!” Lexa called back, stifling a moan when she felt Clarke giving her fingers a squeeze and glancing up to see the blonde smirking at her through the mirror.

She gently pulled out, helping Clarke stand upright before spinning her and pressing a needy kiss to her lips.

“Please just get in the shower,” Lexa licked her lips, noticing the naughty smile on Clarke's mouth, “Please don't make this any more awkward for me than it's already going to be?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, pulling Lexa in for a kiss before patting her cheek. She watched as the blonde started the shower. She couldn't help but to stare as Clarke's breasts bounced slightly at the movements.

“Good view?” Clarke pulled her out of her stupor, making her blink and meet the smirk on Clarke's face.

“Yeah, I...I should go,” Lexa nodded dumbly, grabbing Clarke around the waist and pressing her mouth to the top of the blonde's breasts, “Just...ugh, let me spend some time with them later, please?”

Clarke giggled, pushing Lexa away, “Sure, you can spend as much time as you like with my tits in your mouth later.”

Lexa drew in a stuttered breath to try to calm her raging hormones and doing a decent enough job until a finger was getting hooked into the neck of her shirt and she was getting tugged towards the blonde. Their lips connecting in a dirty kiss, setting her on fire with skilled swipes of Clarke's wicked tongue. Her hand was grabbed and pressed between Clarke's legs, her fingers meeting the sticky heat that was Clarke's arousal. Making her groan.

Clarke's tongue trusting hotly into her mouth one last time before the blonde pulled away. Extracting herself from Lexa completely.

“What was that for?” Lexa breathed out, voice thick with arousal and blinking unfocused eyes.

“To remind you what you're missing out on,” Clarke replied, seductive lilt to her tone and naughty smirk firmly planted, making Lexa whine, “But you have to go, so go.”

Lexa licked her lips, eyes focused on the wink Clarke shot her, “But...”

Clarke's palm came up, giving Lexa's ass a rather painful slap, “Go!”

Lexa nodded dumbly, taking one more, long, look at Clarke's naked body before making her way out of the room. A groan leaving her throat at having to leave the blonde, naked and willing.

She immediately turned red when she saw Raven and Aden sitting at the breakfast bar, arms folded and matching grins. Indra must have left with Anya.

“Let's just not,” Lexa grumbled.

“Come on! If you're going to start fucking around with us in the house then we,” Raven gestured between her and Aden, “Get to make fun of you for it.”

“Nooo,” Lexa groaned.

"Thems the rules," Raven shrugged with a smirk.

“You just gained like one hundred cool points for that, by the way,” Aden laughed.

Lexa frowned, “And you just lost a hundred for rating me on a points system.”

Aden shrugged, “Just so you know, I'm an innocent young boy so you need to think about that before you decide to hump your girlfriend in the same vicinity of me.”

“She isn't- I didn't- nothing happened.”

“We'd believe you,” Raven teased, “If it weren't for one thing.”

“What?” Lexa frowned.

“The bathroom isn't soundproof,” Raven laughed.

“And Clarke is loud,” Aden added.

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “Either you two were fucking or you just murdered Clarkey and those were actually cries for help...which Aden and I ignored...because we were focused on Googling science jokes.”

Lexa groaned, face palming and turning even redder as she made her way over to the pair.

“On the bright side,” Aden patted her back, a sympathetic look on his face, “We found some great ones.”

“That, we did,” Raven said, sliding off her stool and heading for the coffee pot, “Seriously though, did you murder Clarke?”

“No!” Lexa shook her head, “She's showering.”

Raven sent her a smirk, eyebrows wiggling suggestively and making Lexa sigh, “I bet she is.”

“Shut up,” Lexa grumbled, bumping shoulders with Aden, “Do you want to go to the park or what?”

“I sure do,” Aden nodded enthusiastically, jogging over to his backpack and pulling out a soccer ball, waving it towards Lexa in question, “How about it?”

Lexa didn't miss the challenge in his tone, she grinned, “Oh you are so on.”

It was a race to put their shoes on, pushing and tugging at each other in jest as they laughed and waved goodbye to Raven. They were only half way out the door when Aden stopped her with a hand on her arm and a grin spread across his face.

“Never trust an atom, Lexa,” Aden said, expression serious, “They make up everything.”

It was stupid. So stupid but Lexa was laughing anyway.

- - - - - - - - - -

“And he scores again!” Aden whooped, voice perfectly imitating a commentator as he jogged around in a circle. Fist pumping the air and sporting a wide grin.

Lexa rolled her eyes. Of course she was getting beat by her little brother. She was out of breath, sweaty and a bit of a sore loser. Whatever. She shrugged it off, making her way over to the blanket they'd set out and smiling at the blankets occupant. Madison didn't smile back, too preoccupied with coloring to pay Lexa any attention. Still, at least Madison hadn't taken off her cap. That had been a struggle. The toddler didn't seem to care about sunburn quite as much as Lexa did and only agreed to wear a hat at all once Aden had offered her his baseball cap, making the toddler go wide eyed.

“How are you doing, little one?” Lexa asked, sinking down next to the little brunette.

Madison hardly acknowledged her presence, clearly very busy. Lexa sighed, flopping down on her back, smiling a moment later when Aden joined her. Both of their heads near Madison's coloring book. From this position she could see Madison's face pinched in concentration, the too big cap looking lopsided. It made her smile. They were having a great day, the three of them. Relaxing in the sunshine and playing ball, something Madison had given up on very quickly. The moment the toddler had fallen and gotten dirty hands, Lexa knew that Madison was done with that nonsense.

It was perfect. She could do this forever, family time. She felt like that's what this was. Aden, of course, he was her brother. And Madison, sometimes she couldn't help but wish Madison was her daughter. She loved Madison with her whole heart. It hurt her every time she had to give Madison back. She felt like she was made for this. For Saturdays in the park, kids, sunshine and smiles.

“Look,” Aden's hand shot up, pointing towards the clouds, “That one kinda looks like a lion.”

“Yeah,” Lexa grinned, following the trajectory of his finger before pointing to another, “And that kinda looks like Donald Trump.”

“Donald Trump? No it doesn't,” She could hear the disbelief in his voice and it made her laugh.

“Overly white and full of water, looks like him to me.”

“Lexa!” Aden laughed, clutching his sides, “Anya's right, you're such a dork!”

“Takes one to know one!” She retaliated, turning her head to the side to stick her tongue out at him and getting a giggle in response.

“Can I ask your advice, Lex?”

She pursed her lips, nodding her head.

“Well...I'd ask Anya but you know how she can be, well, Anya.”

Lexa laughed, “Yeah, I get it. I won't make fun of you.”

“There's this girl,” Aden sighed.

Oh. She wasn't expecting that.

“It's just...how do you know if someone likes you?”

Lexa turned her head, searching her brother's face and letting out a deep breath, “That's a tough one. It's easier when you're into boys, boys make that sort of thing more obvious but girls? I don't know, buddy. Have you talked to her?”

“Eh,” Aden shrugged, “I sat next to her on a school trip...but it was arranged seating.”

She watched her brother visibly deflate, “You know what, the best thing to do is to just ask her on a date.”

Aden's mouth fell open, a frown coming to his face, “Are you mad?”

“Listen, girls like confidence right?” She asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Confidence, why is it always confidence? Why can't girls like socially awkward and kinda dorky?” He grumbled.

Lexa laughed, “You only have to be confident enough to actually ask.”

“Lessa.”

She turned to see Madison staring at her, blue eyes blinking and mouth wide open. Lexa knew what that meant. She smiled, grabbing an apple from her bag and handing it to the toddler, who frowned at the object like a puzzle.

“You start it,” Madison pouted, holding out the offending object. Cap almost sliding off before Lexa caught it.

“Right, sorry,” Lexa grabbed the apple, taking a bite and handing it back, “There you go.”

“Thank you,” Madison nodded, going back to her drawing while humming against the apple as she took little nibbles.

“Think about it,” Lexa turned back to Aden, chewing thoughtfully, “You ask her out, on a date. If she says yes then score, you've got a date.”

“And if she says no?” Aden asked, dubious look on his face.

“Then you know she isn't interested and you can move on, there's no point pining for a girl that isn't interested in you, you know?”

“That...” Aden frowned thoughtfully, “Actually makes a lot of sense. The worst thing that could happen is she makes fun of me but if she did that then I wouldn't want to be with someone that would do that anyway.”

“That's my boy,” Lexa winked, leaning over to give Aden a high five, “What's she like anyway?”

“She's- oh my God!”

Lexa turned to see Aden, eyes and mouth wide open and Madison looking down at him with a tiny smile on her face, pen poised on his cheek. Lexa burst out laughing, seeing the purple line running from his forehead to the tip of Madison's pen.

Madison's eyes met hers, a giggle leaving the toddlers mouth, “Pretty Aden.”

They all laughed.

Chapter Text

15. Boyfriend?

“Please, please, please,” Aden whined, giving Indra his best puppy dog face.

Indra raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “You want me to let you go to an adult party?”

“Yeah but...Lex and Ahn will be there and...and even if they're crap then I'm sure Clarke and Raven will look after me. Mom, please!” He begged, dropping to his knees and pulling his hands together in a prayer.

“This is your fault,” Indra threw a scolding look at the sisters, pointing a finger at Lexa, “You for mentioning your little party! And you,” She pointed at Anya, “For teaching him how to cuss!”

They sisters both grinned sheepishly, sharing a glance before Lexa stuck her foot out, poking at Aden with her toes, “Don't be so melodramatic, bro. You're getting us in trouble.”

“Yeah,” Anya agreed with a groan, “If you don't shut up then Indra won't let us go to the party either.”

“Don't give her ideas,” Lexa hissed, elbowing her sister in the ribs.

“Don't tempt me,” Indra huffed.

Raven and Clarke entering the house in that moment, carrying crates of beer, did not help one bit. Anya's palm met her forehead and Lexa sighed.

“Hope you're ready, bitches, cause we gonna par-tay!”

“Raven!” Clarke nudged her cousin, sending her a warning glance and pulling Raven's attention to the scene Aden was making.

“Hey, Mrs W, you gonna party with us?” Raven asked, grin never leaving her face.

“See, mom?! Raven says we can party-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Raven held up a hand after unloading her crate to Anya, “Sorry, Aden but you are not invited.”

“What?” Aden gasped in outrage, scrambling up from his knees and turning his full attention to Raven, “Why?”

Raven cocked her hip to the side, planting a hand on it, “The ladies couldn't handle it, wonder boy. You're too much of a player.”

“Come on!” Aden cried, “I happen to be a feminist! Like...” He looked around the room in exasperation before his eyes fixed on Clarke, “Take Clarke for example. Society is pressurizing girls like her to wear make up and I happen to think that it's a ridiculous beauty standard and I'm sure Clarke would look just a good without it!”

He glanced around the room, noting unamused expressions everywhere he turned.

Clarke cocked her head to the side, “I'm not wearing any make up.”

“You...” Aden's eyes widened, “You're not?”

Clarke shook her head.

“Holy crap, you're beautiful!”

Everyone laughed. And Lexa couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate the people in this room. Her people. Her mom, sister, brother, friend and lover. And she loved every single one of them in one way or another.

Raven ruffled Aden's hair, “Alright, Casanova. Look, give it a few years and you can come to all the Raven Reyes parties you want, okay?”

Aden slumped, a defeated look on his face along with a serious pout, “Fine.”

“Now that we've settled that,” Indra said with an eye roll, “How about a ride back to the hotel?”

- - - - - - - - - -

The party, as expected, had a great turn out. Lexa liked most of Raven's friends with the exception, of course, being Kyle Wick. But thankfully he wasn't invited. She was happy to see Anya and Echo laughing together, even if they'd stopped sleeping together, she knew that Anya got on really well with Echo. She was glad they could be friends.

Harper and Monty were such a good couple, in Lexa's opinion. She loved being around them, they weren't the party hard types. Not like Raven anyway, Raven was the type to strip off naked and jump into their neighbor's pool or end the night confessing her love to total strangers. Harper and Monty were more the 'let's relax in the corner, share some wine and discuss some culture' types and Lexa really enjoyed that. She was glad to have that respite between getting forced into taking shot with Anya and getting forced into dancing with Raven.

She enjoyed spending time with Jackson and Miller too. As they shot flirty but shy glances at each other while ignoring Raven making obscene gestures at them. They really should, if she were going to use Raven's terminology, just fuck already. They were clearly into each other but something was stopping them. Not that Lexa knew what that was, it wasn't her business, she just enjoyed their company.

The difference between this party and the other 'Raven Reyes parties' that she'd attended was Clarke. Usually the blonde was off doing her own thing. Hardly sparing Lexa or Raven, for that matter, a second glance. But this time she hovered close to Lexa. Sharing smiles with her and occasionally bumping their hips together and pointing out someone doing something funny or dumb to make Lexa laugh. That's how she found herself at the drinks table, filling two cups with rum as Clarke giggled softly next to her. That was, until Clarke's friends arrived.

“Hey, Girff,” Bellamy grinned cheesily, hanging all over Clarke and making the blonde groan, “You're looking mighty fine tonight.”

“Not with a thousand condoms, Bell,” Clarke rolled her eyes, sharing a look with Octavia.

“Right!” Bellamy slapped his hands together, “I have to go.”

“Where?” Octavia frowned.

“To the store,” Bellamy answered as if it was obvious, “To purchase a thousand and one condoms.”

That earnt him slaps from Clarke and Octavia while Lexa smirked into her red solo cup.

Clarke disappeared with Bellamy and Octavia for a bit after that. Sending Lexa an exasperated look over her shoulder as her friends pulled her away and into the crowd. Lexa didn't mind, she liked seeing Clarke happy and she liked that Clarke was so close with her friends. It wasn't until a while later, as she was sitting on the couch, recovering from another dance session with Raven that Clarke found her again. Walking towards her with Octavia trailing after her.

“Lexa!” Clarke grinned, throwing her arms around Lexa's neck and sliding onto her lap, clearly more tipsy than when Lexa had last seen her.

Lexa's eyes widened, throwing a worried glance towards Octavia as Clarke pressed a wet kiss to her cheek, “Clarke.”

“What?” Clarke asked, pulling away with a confused expression on her face, glancing in the direction of Lexa's gaze and rolling her eyes, “Don't mind her, she's my best friend.”

“But-”

She was cut off when Clarke sent her a pointed look, “Seriously, Lex. It's fine. I promise I'll keep my hands off you if Niylah shows up but until then...”

Clarke's smile turned naughty, her hand smoothing from Lexa's neck to her cleavage.

“Okay!” Octavia's hand shot out, pulling Clarke's fingers away from Lexa's chest from where she was sitting in front of them on the coffee table, “I know you're a pervert, Griff but let's save that for later, okay?”

“Why?” Clarke pouted.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “C'mon, I don't need to witness you feeling people up. Anyway, I have gossip.”

Clarke's face morphed into a grin, leaning towards Octavia and making Lexa's arms coming up around her to steady her when she nearly toppled, “Spill.”

“Is Raven still with Kyle?” Octavia asked with a mischievous grin.

“You mean Wick the dick?” Lexa chuckled, making Clarke shoot her smile.

“Good one,” Octavia laughed, nudging at Lexa's leg, “So, is she?”

The blonde frowned with a shrug, “I don't think so but if she is then it's only casual. Why?”

“Because,” Octavia lowered her volume, “I heard that he slept with Harper last weekend.”

“What? No way, Harper would never do that to Monty-”

“I know! Which means, Kyle's been making shit up and boasting about-”

“Hey!” Bellamy butted in, sliding an arm over Octavia's shoulders with a grin.

“Go away, Bellamy,” Octavia hissed, frowning at her brother.

“What?” Bellamy looked taken aback, “But I wanna join in.”

“Fine,” Clarke rolled her eyes at the boy, “We're discussing which brand of tampon is best for a heavy flow, thoughts?”

Bellamy took a second to see the challenging rise of Clarke's eyebrow before a blush came to his face. He held up his hands in defense and shuffled off, jerking his thumb towards the kitchen before disappearing all together.

“So you think that Wick's been spreading rumors?”

“Well what else would it be?” Octavia rolled her eyes, “All I'm saying is that he better watch out because one of these days all the shit he pulls is going to catch up with him.”

The though carried them through the next couple of minutes as Clarke rested her head against Lexa's shoulder. Clarke and Octavia seeming to have a silent conversation in the form of some serious eyes contact until Clarke sighed and Octavia got up, extending her hand out to the blonde.

“Come on, Lincoln isn't here yet so you can be my dance partner until he is,” Octavia smiled, Clarke groaned in protest, snuggling further into Lexa before Octavia shot her a dirty look, “I swear to God, Clarke. You shouldn't of invited me to this fucking party if you were just going to spend the entire time trying to get into our teacher's pants. No offence, Miss Woods.”

Lexa cringed, “Jesus, please call me Lexa.”

Octavia nodded, smiling at Lexa and taking Clarke's hand, pulling Clarke up with the dramatic effect of Clarke sagging her body. Making Octavia groan in the effort, “You can have your play thing back later, Griff. Now it's time to shake that booty!”

Lexa couldn't help but laugh at their antics. Especially as she watched Octavia land a sharp slap to Clarke's ass as she pushed her towards the dance floor.

An hour later found Lexa sitting at the breakfast bar, drink in hand and Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln gathered around her. It was the first time she'd really spent any time with Lincoln and he seemed like a great guy. Quiet but great. And she couldn't help but to notice the similarities between Lincoln and herself as they simultaneously blended into the back ground and watched as Clarke and Octavia gossiped about their school mates. She hardly paid attention until Octavia leant closer to Clarke and lowered her voice.

“Do you think she's trying to make you jealous?” Octavia asked, nodding her head towards where Niylah was dancing, grinding, against Echo on the make shift dance floor.

Clarke shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip of beer, “She can do whatever she likes, it isn't going to effect me.”

“Ontari told me, that Lilly told Shay, that Niylah told her, that you're in love with her but you're not ready for a relationship.”

“Wait, what?” Clarke frowned.

“So,” Bellamy swooped in, grin big and Lexa thought it was becoming a bit of a habit, “What are we discussing now? Is it boy friendly?”

“Clarke's got a rash on her vag,” Octavia supplied, eyes never leaving Clarke's, “She was just about to show us.”

“Oh...uh...” Bellamy swallowed, clearly uncomfortable, “I think someone just called my name.”

He was gone in the next moment.

“Why do I always have to be the only with the vaginal rash?” Clarke grumbled to herself.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “Do you really want me to answer that?”

Clarke shot her a pointed look before focusing back on the topic at hand, “Anyway, what the fuck did Niylah say? That I'm in love with her?”

“Yep,” Octavia nodded, popping the 'p'.

“Well I'm not,” Clarke bit, shooting a dirty look towards the dance floor.

“I know,” Octavia rolled her eyes, “But maybe you should try telling her that.”

“I can't. She was really supportive when she found out about...” Clarke trailed of, eyes flitting to Lexa, then Lincoln before tipping her head back and chugging half of her beer.

“Yeah, well,” A scowl came to Octavia's face, “But that doesn't mean it's okay for her to do what she's doing. Supportive or not, she shouldn't be pressuring you into a relationship with her and she definitely shouldn't be spreading rumors about you being in love with her.”

Clarke shrugged, her attention focused on picking the label off her beer bottle, “She'll get the message eventually.”

“Yeah,” Octavia scoffed, “That'll happen about the same time as you, me and Lincoln enter into a polygamous relationship and we become sister wives.”

Clarke chuckled, leaning into Lexa's side.

- - - - - - - - - -

“You know...” Raven mused, “When I was growing up, I wanted to be a DJ.”

“What?”

The four of them had ended up in the back yard. Her, Anya, Raven and Clarke. Raven leading them out there and producing a couple of marijuana cigarettes with an eyebrow wiggle. They were long gone now. And it left them laying in a circle with their heads all pressed together in the middle, staring up at the stars.

“I had a DJ name and everything,” Raven continued, “DJ Rave'n.”

“That's...actually a really cool name,” Anya said with an impressed tone that made Lexa and Clarke giggled.

“Clarkey wanted to be a hair stylist, own her own salon,” Raven chuckled, “Clarke's blowies.”

“Oh my fucking God!” Anya yelped a laugh.

“Sign me up!” Lexa chuckled, earning a swat from the blonde.

“How come...” Raven mumbled, “People run from the rain...but...they sit in bathtubs full of water?”

Clarke giggles, pressing her face into Lexa's hair, “Maybe they wouldn't run from the rain if they were already naked?”

“Mhm, or,” Lexa continued, “They'd run...if they were in the tub fully clothed?”

“Fuck,” Raven laughed, “I never thought about it like that.”

“I once had a boyfriend the thought when it rained it was God taking a leak,” Anya supplied, making Clarke and Lexa laugh.

“Boyfriend?” Raven asked, voice dripping with doubt, “Boy-friend?”

“Which one was that?” Lexa asked, hand absent-mindedly coming up to stroke Clarke's cheek.

“Scott, remember the one that thought 'trust me' was a sensible birth control option, then I kicked him in the dick?”

“Oh, yeah,” Lexa laughed, “He was so fucking dumb.”

“He was still better than your last girlfriend, what's-her-face, the ugly one.” Anya argued.

Lexa rolled her eyes, “She wasn't that bad.”

“She called you Lexie and she tried to get you to dye your hair purple,” Anya scoffed, “Your tastes have dramatically improved, squid.”

It was silent for few moments, Lexa scowling and Clarke beaming. Anya rolling her eyes. And Raven...

“Anya? Anya had a boyfriend?”

She enjoyed it. Getting baked with her friends, it felt so juvenile. It reminded her of the high school days, with Anya constantly getting into trouble for letting Lexa join in with her and her cool friends.

- - - - - - - - - -

She didn't, however, enjoy watching Clarke dirty dance with Harper.

It was irrational, she knew. But seeing Clarke grinding her ass into Harper's crotch as the other girl ran her hands over Clarke's stomach, got to her. It wasn't like Clarke and Harper were a thing, Harper was in a happy, committed, heterosexual relationship after all. But there was something about watching her girl doing body rolls with a sexy smile planted on her lips that irked Lexa.

Her head span. When the hell did she start to think of Clarke as her girl? Clarke wasn't hers, not at all. That's why it was so irrational for her to be jealous, not jealous, of Clarke and Harper dancing. Even if there was something going on between them, it wouldn't be any of Lexa's business.

As some boys hollered and made cat calls due to the slow grind of Clarke and Harper's hips, Lexa needed to cool off. So she went outside to stop her head spinning.

She was so focused on her consuming thoughts that she didn't notice Clarke coming up behind her until Clarke's arms were wrapped around her neck and Clarke's breath was in her ear. She could smell the sweetness of wine on Clarke's breath.

“You better be sharing my bed tonight,” Clarke whispered, tone dripping with sex as her teeth met Lexa's earlobe.

“Are you sure you don't want to share with Harper instead?” Lexa asked, still annoyed.

Clarke's chuckle felt warm against her cheek and the blonde's arms squeezed her tighter, “Jealous?”

“No, I...fuck,” Lexa let out a deep breath, “I don't know.”

For a moment it was silent. She thought Clarke might leave but the arms around her neck didn't loosen and she took some comfort in that. The warmth of Clarke's body pressing into her back was grounding for Lexa.

“You're in love with me, aren't you?”

Fuck. Her eyes squeezed shut. She was positive that Clarke would never ask her that, sober. Clarke wouldn't bring up something like that. But here she was, saying it like it was nothing. She felt Clarke's body heat leave her. The feel of cool air on her back making her shiver in more ways than one. But then Clarke's hand was in front of her face and her eyes travelled up the arm until they reached Clarke's face. The blonde cocked her head to the side.

“C'mon,” She said, nodding to her outstretched hand, “Let's go to bed.”

Lexa nodded, face stoic and feeling slightly nauseous but she took the hand anyway. Letting Clarke tug her inside. In reality, she'd let Clarke tug her anywhere.

- - - - - - - - - -

They stumbled into the room, Clarke letting out a bark of a laugh when Lexa tripped trying to kick the door shut with her foot. The next moment, taking Clarke with her as she fell to the ground. Landing with a thump and Clarke crashing on top of her heavily. Making her groan in pain. She pouted as Clarke laughed.

Clarke's hands fisted her hair, “Are you okay?”

“Kiss is better,” Lexa pouted, batting her eyelashes and making Clarke giggle.

“Idiot,” Clarke muttered directly into Lexa's mouth as she planted a messy kiss.

Lexa hummed into it, hands landing on Clarke's hips.

“Lex,” Clarke groaned, planting a hand on Lexa's face to push her away, “You need to fuck me before I lose my erection.”

The serious look on the blonde's face made Lexa burst out laughing. Her fit of giggles apparently contagious as Clarke joined in, mouth pressed to Lexa's throat.

“Fuck,” Clarke pulled away, wiping where her mouth had been, “I drooled on you.”

“You're so sexy,” Lexa giggled, smoothing Clarke's hair back.

Clarke pouted, wiggling her hips, “C'mon, Lexa. Do me.”

“That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me,” Lexa laughed.

“Shut up,” Clarke grumbled, giggling against Lexa's skin.

“I love your ass,” Lexa grinned, squeezing said ass into her hands, “I could play with it all day.”

Clarke giggled, wiggling her butt into Lexa's palms, “Coming from you. Your ass is practically perfect.”

“What?” Lexa cocked her head, staring up at the blonde.

“Fact,” Clarke nodded, “Everyone knows it.”

“Come on,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “Your ass is better than my face.”

It was Clarke's turn to roll her eyes, “And you call Aden melodramatic.”

Lexa groaned, “Don't bring up my fourteen year old brother while we are...nearly doing it but we're too drunk to move.”

“You're not too drunk to move, I have faith in you.”

“Okay,” Lexa gave her a determined nod, clumsily flipping them over, accidentally hitting Clarke's head against the floor, “Oh, shit. Are you okay?”

Clarke gave her the most exaggerated pout she'd ever seen, “Kiss it better.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, pressing her lips against Clarke's.

Clarke blinked up at her, a mocking lilt coming to her voice, “Fuck me, Lexie.”

Lexa laughed but let Clarke pull her back in. It grew heated quickly. There was nothing sexy about it, in their drunken stupor. Teeth clashing, way too much tongue and way off any sort of rhythm. Their clothes went next, unceremoniously getting peeled off. Hands tugging clumsily and falling into each other every other second. It took a while, way longer than usual. But they shared giggles every time their limbs clashed painfully.

Eventually they were bare.

After while of sloppy kisses, it was Lexa who decided to move them to the bed. Clumsily pulling them up before they fell back onto the bed in a fit of giggles. Clarke landing on Lexa heavily, her elbow connecting harshly with Lexa's gut and making her grunt. Clarke just rolled her eyes, capturing Lexa's mouth in a heated kiss. Lexa's fingers wandered up Clarke's thigh before the blonde pulled away.

“Wait!” Clarke left the kiss and leant over to reach into the draw of her bedside table.

Lexa groaned, it was an awkward angle and Clarke's chest was directly on her face. And not in a good way, in a 'you're suffocating me' way as the blonde stretched over. But then Clarke was back with a wicked grin and holding up a bright purple dildo. Lexa frowned, eyeing the phallic looking toy.

“Where did you get that?”

“Gag gift from Raven,” Clarke explained, “She got it for me when I broke up with Finn, said it was going to be my new boyfriend.”

Lexa chuckled, “What is it with you and bringing up family members when we're in bed?”

“Do you want to fuck me with it or not?” Clarke asked, unimpressed expression on her face.

“Yes, please,” Lexa nodded with a dopey grin.

“Put it in,” Clarke slurred, shifting her hips to try and make room.

“Are you even wet enough yet?”

“Lexa,” Clarke shot her a condescending look, “Have I ever not been wet enough?”

Well, Clarke had her there. Clarke was always ready when Lexa touched her. She briefly wondered if she had anything to do with it or if Clarke was just naturally very horny. But soon shook those thoughts out of her head when her mind wandered to Clarke walking around with constantly soaked underwear and how that would certainly cause some chaffing issues. She didn't need to think about chaffing, she needed to think about giving Clarke a good dicking with the plastic dick in her hand.

“Wait, let me do you first,” Clarke grabbed the toy before heading south and settling once she'd reached her destination between Lexa's spread thighs.

Lexa hummed, staring up at the ceiling. She felt the smooth edge of the toy being pressed against her, poking her in the least sexy way she could imagine and it made her laugh. Looking down at Clarke, she could see the look of concentration on the blonde's face. Deciding to help Clarke along, Lexa spread her legs further apart, lifting up one foot and resting against the blonde's shoulder. A gentle sigh leaving her mouth as the movement caused the toy to slide through her heat.

Clarke rubbed the toy against Lexa, aiming for her clit but missing it in her drunken stupor. Instead the toy slid through Lexa's slippery folds easily. And Lexa couldn't complain, it felt good and she got into the new feeling, rolling her hips upward to help the toy along. It made her wetter but then she could feel it probe at her entrance entirely too soon.

It made her gasp when Clarke pushed it forward, into her. It was a little bigger than anything she was used to. She'd never really used toys, never seen the point. But she trusted Clarke and she definitely wanted to use the object on the blonde. The mere thought turned her on. Images of the toy deep inside of Clarke, in numerous positions flooded her brain. Exciting her enough to make Clarke's ministrations smoother. The toy sliding deeper and deeper into her as she moaned long and low.

“Fuck,” Clarke groaned, “It's so fucking hot, seeing it all the way inside you.”

Lexa sighed out, her brain too foggy to form a response as she started to grind down onto the toy. Every movement of her hips giving her a delicious new press against her sensitive walls. She watched with hooded eyes as Clarke started to shallowly thrust the toy, the blonde's attention sharply focused between Lexa's legs. Lexa's hand made it's way into blonde locks, too far gone to care as she pressed Clarke's head towards her. Moaning a second later when Clarke got the message and attached her mouth to Lexa's clit, giving it a strong suck.

That attention alone pushed Lexa into an unsuspecting climax, the foreign feeling of her cunt clenching against the intrusion making it that much more intense. Her eyes squeezing shut as she let herself go, tugging on blonde hair and bucking into the toy and Clarke's mouth.

Still shaking from her orgasm, Lexa opened her eyes only to chuckle at the view she had of Clarke, pouting at her like a three year old. The blonde's face showing nothing but disappointment.

“If I wanted premature ejaculation then I'd be hooking up with Bellamy,” Clarke grumbled.

Lexa groaned, hand coming up to press against her face, “Do you really have to mention Bellamy right now? While your fucking me with a dildo?”

Clarke giggled, a smirk coming to her face as she pulled the toy from Lexa, making Lexa gasp in the process. And then Lexa watched, mouth falling open, as Clarke lowered her head and took the toy into her mouth. The toy, covered in Lexa's come, disappearing between plump lips. Lexa couldn't look away, she thought it might be the sexiest thing she'd ever seen. When Clarke's blue eyes met hers, she couldn't take it anymore.

“Come here,” She growled.

Clarke, releasing the toy from her mouth with a soft pop, giggled. Shaking her head at Lexa before pushing Lexa's legs together and placing the toy, sticking up rudely towards the ceiling, between Lexa's clenched thighs.

“I want to ride it,” Clarke explained.

Lexa nodded enthusiastically, grabbing Clarke's hips as soon as Clarke was situating herself over Lexa. Clarke's hands shooting between them to guide the toy inside. And Lexa watched. Watched as a gasp fell from Clarke's lips as she bottomed out on the toy. Watched as Clarke threw her head back and began to ride it. Watched as Clarke body rolled and rode, baring down on the phallic object like a pro.

And she was wrong before, this was the sexiest thing she'd ever see.

Lexa was mesmerized, hardly able to gather her thoughts as words slipped from her mouth, “Fuck, Clarke. Ride my cock. Take it.”

“You've got a filthy mouth when you're drunk, talk dirty to me,” Clarke moaned, leaning down and mouthing her neck.

“Um...I, uh...love your cunt?” Lexa mumbled lamely, eyes glued to Clarke's bouncing tits as the blonde sat up to continue her ride.

Clarke, cocking her head to the side, shot her an unamused look, “Cunt?”

Lexa grinned sheepishly, “Pussy?”

Clarke searched her face for a second before shrugging, pulling Lexa to her lips, “That'll do.”

“Fuck,” Lexa moaned into her mouth, tasting herself, “I love your pussy.”

And Clarke pushed Lexa back down with an eye roll, planting her hands on Lexa's chest and slamming her hips down as hard and fast as she could. Lexa couldn't help but to fix her eyes on the toy disappearing into Clarke. And she continued to watch as Clarke's hips faltered, breath came out uneven and thighs began to shake.

“Fuck!” Clarke cried, eyes rolling into the back of her head before collapsing on Lexa's chest. Panting against Lexa's neck.

They laid like that, still, as Clarke came down from her high. Lexa's fingers raking up and down the blonde's back.

“Clarke?” Lexa said softly after a long few minutes, “Do you want to, you know, dismount?”

But all she received was a soft snore from the blonde that made her smile.

- - - - - - - - - -

She woke up feeling like death. Her head was pounding, her mouth was dry and her throat felt raw. Had she been swallowing fire or something? It wouldn't surprise her. She swore that she'd never get that drunk or stoned again. Except, it probably would. It would probably happen again. Probably once the memory of feeling like this faded.

She scrubbed a hand down her face, groaning at the sticky feeling of dried sweat on her skin. And reached out beside her blindly, hoping to come into contact with Clarke. She remembered going to bed with the blonde. She remembered laughing between kisses, naked flesh flush together and the hard objects pressing into the side of her knee was a definite reminder of last nights activities.

Her hand met nothing but bed and she opened her eyes, hissing at the pain the brightness sent shooting to her head. She was in Clarke's room, like she thought but the blonde was no where to be seen. Her attention was pulled by Clarke's voice outside the room, speaking in hushed tones. She pulled herself out of bed pulling on one of Clarke's fluffy robes and following the blonde's voice into the kitchen.

Clarke was on the phone, pressing the object tightly to her ear as she paced the length of the kitchen. Face pinched in anger, it was quite a sight. Clarke's hair piled on the top of her head in a messy bun and wearing only an oversized shirt. The conversation was clearly heated, if Clarke's low and threatening tone was anything to go by.

“I don't fucking care!” Clarke hissed, throwing her free hand out in front of her in exasperation, “I'm under eighteen, you have to sign for them.”

“No, I won't do it,” Came the voice on the other end.

The voice was the same as it always was, the woman Lexa assumed was Clarke's mother. She watched as Clarke gritted her teeth painfully

“You signed for them last month, you had no problem then-”

“Clarke, I've been thinking about it and you don't need them.”

Clarke stopped in her tracks, nostrils flaring in anger and jaw set. She noticed Lexa standing by her bedroom door and shot her a glare.

“I obviously fucking need them,” Clarke's tone was low, dangerous.

“I am a doctor, you know? And I'm perfectly capable of deciding what you should and shouldn't be taking.”

“You're kidding right? I need them because of you!”

“The answer is no, Clarke. You won't be taking antidepressants anymore. I'm your mother and I-”

“No you're not,” Clarke let out a humorless laugh, the empty sound travelling the length of Lexa's spine, “You're no one's mother.”

In the next moment Clarke's phone was sailing through the air, smashing upon contact with the wall. And Clarke sank to the ground. Fingers threaded through her hair, tugging as her tears fell.

“Clarke,” Lexa was on the knees a second later, reaching for the blonde.

But when her hand landed on Clarke's shoulder, she was shrugged off. Clarke's angry, blue eyes fixed on her.

“I'm fine,” Clarke growled, fat tears spilling down her cheeks and eyes three shades lighter because of it.

“Clarke, please, let me help-”

“I don't want your help, Lexa,” Clarke stood with a snarl.

Lexa rose to her feet quickly, suddenly feeling naked wearing only Clarke's robe and definitely taken aback by the blonde's behavior. Her teeth sank into her lower lip.

“I'm sorry,” She spoke tentatively, taking a careful step towards Clarke, “I know you're upset, I-”

“No, you don't,” Clarke spat, rounding on her and take three, threatening steps towards her, “You have no idea about any of it, Lexa. You have no clue.”

“You're right,” Lexa's eyes widened, taking a step back and hitting the counter behind her, “But I do care, Clarke. I don't want you to be unhappy.”

Clarke was in her face a second later. Face venomous. Finger pointing into Lexa's chest. Bringing their faces only an inch apart. So close that Lexa could see the little specks of different shades of blue in Clarke's eyes. She swallowed thickly.

“You care?” Clarke hissed, “We're just fucking, Lexa. Nothing else.”

Lexa blanched, heart thudding in her chest, “You know I care about you.”

“So what? You think you're going to get some fucked up, happy ending with me? That I'm going to fall madly in love with you?” Clarke mocked, “I won't.”

The words stung. As did the cold glare in Clarke's blue eyes. She wanted to run, she wanted to cry but she couldn't. Not with Clarke trapping her against the counter. She let out a breath, keeping her eyes on blue. She needed to hold her ground. She could cry later.

“Okay,” Lexa said softly, pursing her lips, “But whatever we are, or aren't, won't change the fact that I care about you.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, tone getting colder, “We aren't friends. You're just a fuck to me. That's all you've ever been. Don't you get that?”

Her eyes met the ceiling for a few seconds so that she could gather herself before her eyes met ice, once again, “I get it.”

“Good,” Clarke spat, “And I hope you got your fill because it's over now.”

Lexa nodded dumbly, unable to form words. She just had to keep it together until Clarke backed off. That's it. She repeated it in her head like a mantra, focusing on it along with her beating heart. It wasn't enough for Clarke, the blonde's hand slammed against the cabinet beside her head.

“Do you get it, Lexa? We're done.”

Lexa licked her lips, nodding her head, whispering words that she didn't mean, “Okay. We're done.”

She's do anything in that moment to make Clarke okay. To take away Clarke's obvious pain. She wished she knew how. Her heart hurt with how much she wished she knew how. She'd happily take on Clarke's pain right now if it meant this version of Clarke would have peace.

Gone was the happy, free girl with the big heart and the soft smiles. In her place was this. This distant, cold version of the girl that meant so much to her. With cold, empty eyes and hurtful words.

Her hands came up on their own accord, cupping the blonde's face, thumbs brushing away the tears. Her eyes boring into blue, searching, reaching. Begging Clarke to seek strength from her.

“I'm so, so, sorry,” Her voice was barely above a whisper and so full of emotion.

Clarke's eyes fell closed at the words, lower lip quivering.

“Clarke?”

Raven's voice cut through the tension like a knife. Clarke automatically turning towards the sound and giving Lexa the opportunity to slip out from between Clarke's body and the counter. Swiping at the stray tear on her cheek as she brushed passed Raven on the way to the stairs.

“Lexa?”

She ignored Raven calling her name, as well the confused look. Heading straight for the shower, locking the door and getting under the spray as quickly as possible. She wanted, needed, to wash everything away. It was then, under the spray of the shower, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest that she finally let the sobs escape her.

Chapter Text

16. Don't Leave

It took her a while to make herself look decent. Or at least decent enough to hide the fact that she'd been crying. Thank God for concealer, without it she was sure her eyes would still be red rimmed.

Clarke's words had hurt her. Not the words themselves, she wasn't even that sure that Clarke had meant them. She liked to believe that she knew Clarke, even if only a little and the Clarke she knew wouldn't purposefully hurt someone. Clarke wasn't a mean person. Clarke cared about people.

It was Clarke's feelings that hurt Lexa. That there was such pain in Clarke's life, such anguish. Something that would bring tears to those big, blue eyes. Something that made Clarke's eyes empty and cold. That consumed Clarke to the point of snapping, of lashing out.

Still, she should probably find somewhere else to live.

She was supposed to do that a while ago, it just hadn't been a priority. She liked living with Clarke and Raven. And Raven had made it clear on more than one occasion that she didn't want Lexa to find someone else. That she wanted Lexa to stay. So she had.

But now she wasn't so sure. She cussed herself for fucking everything up. If she hadn't of slept with Clarke then none of it would matter. That thought was one that she brushed off quickly. The time she spent with Clarke wasn't something that she'd ever regret. It was special. Maybe not to Clarke. But definitely to her.

So moving out was probably the best, maybe only, option. She doubted that Clarke would want her around now. Clarke was probably eager for her to leave. Not only that, but a part of Lexa wanted to leave too. The part of her with the damaged ego and the part of her that wanted to do anything and everything in her power to make Clarke's life easier. And maybe to do that, meant to leave.

She wondered if she'd still see Clarke. If there would be anymore shared meals around the breakfast bar with more laughter than she ever remembered having before. If there'd be anymore quiet days on the couch, reading silently in each others company. Probably not.

Her mind wandered to the last time Clarke lost control. The drinking, sleeping around and the bumps of coke. The anger that consumed Clarke. Lexa didn't know Clarke very well the last time. She'd had no way to help Clarke, all she could do was watch it unfold.

She didn't feel like she had more to offer this time either. She couldn't make anything better, she could only leave and not add to Clarke's difficulties.

She wasn't in the mood for today. She jut wanted to hide under her comforter, in her pajamas and forget about the world. But she couldn't. Indra and Aden were leaving today. They had time for one more family hang out before they left and Lexa wasn't going to miss that. She just hoped that she didn't run into Clarke or Raven on her way out the door.

But, of course, no such luck. She heard Clarke's bedroom door open and close as she made it to the front door. She spun around only to come face to face with Raven. The Latina stood there, arms crossed and a concerned look on her face. When she spoke her tone was sad, worried and tired.

“Lexa...”

“I have to go,” Lexa said quietly, avoiding eye contact and slipping out the door.

- - - - - - - - - -

She met her family at the park. They'd arrived before her thanks to her detour on her way there to pick up Madison. The thought of going to the park without the toddler not sitting right with her. It felt like it would be a betrayal and if nothing else, Lexa was loyal.

That's how she found herself slowly walking through the park. One arm linked with Indra's, her other reached down and hand locked with Madison. Anya on Indra's other side and Aden somewhere behind them, playing with his soccer ball.

And it was a nice day for a stroll, if only she could get Clarke off her mind.

“You're awfully quiet, Lexa,” Indra's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

She blinked, keeping her focus on Madison so that she could avoid eye contact while trying to come up with an excuse. She heard a loud laugh, her eyes shooting to Anya.

“She's hung over, mom,” Anya chuckled, “She got tanked last night.”

And in that moment she remembered why she loved Anya so fucking much. Anya was more than just her sister, Anya was her best friend and Anya knew her better than anyone. And Anya had picked up on her mood and covered for her, no questions asked. Anya didn't even know what was up, she just knew that Lexa wasn't up for talking about it.

And that was who Anya was. Behind the jokes, behind the teasing. Anya had her back, always. She was so grateful for Anya. She really should show her more appreciation.

“You girls give me grey hairs,” Indra huffed, “Aden is so much better behaved than either of you two ever were.”

Lexa and Anya shared a look with matching grimaces before quickly schooling their features to innocence at Indra's unimpressed expression.

In the next moment they heard pelting footsteps fast approaching. Then Madison, who had been toddling next to them quietly, was getting swung into the air by a very over enthusiastic Aden. Her little feet flying through the air. Lexa winced, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. In three, two, one...

A piercing cry ripped through Madison, “Lessa!”

Aden's grin fell in unity with Madison's tears and Madison's feet met the ground once again. Both sets of eyes fixing on Lexa, one pair filled with worry and confusion. The other pair showing nothing but fear.

She gathered Madison into her arms quickly, tucking the toddler into her chest. And Madison clung to her for dear life, sobbing into her neck. She shot Indra and Anya a nod to keep walking, glad when they did, she needed a minute to calm Madison down.

Aden hovered near them, a concerned expression on his face along with an embarrassed blush.

“It's okay, Ade,” Lexa tried to reassure him, “She's okay.”

“What did I do? Did I hurt her?”

“No,” Lexa chuckled, the thought of her brother being capable of hurting een a fly was humorous to her, “She's just a little bit shy so you startled her.”

It was true, Madison was shy. She also wasn't a fan of quick movements. She hated being touched when she wasn't expecting it. And she was strictly against surprises. Lexa was always careful to avoid those things, keeping things quiet and relaxed with the toddler.

“I'm so sorry, Madison,” Aden said.

Madison's sobs turned into hiccups and Lexa could feel the wetness on her neck. Whether it was tears or snot, she wasn't sure. She smoothed her hand against Madison's back.

“You're okay, little one,” She cooed into the toddlers wild hair, “Aden was trying to play with you, he didn't mean to scare you.”

It took a minute but finally Madison's little face peeked out from under Lexa's chin. Eyes big and wet, tear stained cheeks and quivering lip.

“Are you okay?” Aden asked softly, giving the toddler a sheepish smile.

Madison nodded, one of her little hands uncurling from Lexa's shirt to rub at her eyes.

“It's okay, Adey,” She said, voice shaky and sniffling as she spoke.

“I'm sorry,” Aden continued.

Madison nodded again, taking a glance at Lexa, “S'okay, Lessa will show you my duckies.”

Lexa couldn't help but to laugh at the toddler using her in bartering the reconciliation.

“Thanks, Madison,” Aden grinned, “Do you want to walk with me?”

Madison's grip tightened, “Stay with Lessa.”

“Okay,” Aden smiled, grabbing his ball from where it had been previously forgotten about on the grass, “I'm looking forwards to seeing your ducks.”

Lexa smiled as she watched Aden jog to catch up with the others. She took the moment alone with Madison to check in with the toddler, pressing kisses to her wet cheeks.

“You know,” Lexa whispered into an ear, using one arm to hold Madison snug against her chest and the other to gently wipe away the remaining tears, “You're very kind. It's very nice how much you care about others.”

“Mommy taught me,” Madison said, big, blue eyes fixed on Lexa's and a soft expression on her face, “Mommy taught me to be kind.”

Lexa smiled sadly. Her heart breaking for the little girl in her arms. The little girl that's mommy taught her to be kind. She pressed another kiss against Madison's face.

“Your mommy did a very good job then, didn't she?”

Madison nodded, a little smile coming to her face before she snuggled back into Lexa's chest.

- - - - - - - - - -

Madison's ducks had been a real crowd pleaser and the toddler had shown them off with a small but proud smile from her safe place on Lexa's hip. Rewarding them with a rare giggle once she was satisfied that they were impressed enough.

She'd dropped Madison off on her way home after begrudgingly agreeing to meet her family back at hers, since Indra and Aden wanted to say goodbye to Clarke and Raven before they left. When she got there, they were already there. Indra and Raven sitting on one of the couches while Anya was sprawled out on the other, phone in hand. Indra and Raven laughing and pointing towards Clarke and Aden, who seemed to be in some sort of embrace while Aden held up his phone to take pictures of them.

She avoided Clarke completely, keeping her eyes down until she got to Anya and flopped down next to her sisters feet.

“Awesome,” Aden exclaimed, fist pumping the air as he broke away from Clarke to kneel by the coffee table, eyes on his phone, “Thanks, Clarke.”

“Does that make up for you missing my party?” Raven asked with a grin, wrapping an arm around Clarke's shoulders once the blonde settled next to her.

“Hell yeah,” Aden grinned before shooting Lexa a teasing look, “Besides, I'm pretty sure the only reason I couldn't come was because Lexa was too worried that I'd steal her lady with my wicked dance moves.”

“'Wicked dance moves'?” Anya mocked, sharing a look with Raven.

Aden finished his quip with a wink aimed at Lexa but she struggled to laugh. She hoped her fake smile seemed genuine enough. Her heart dropping to her feet. After a brief glance around the room, she saw that no one else seemed affected. Except Anya, who nudged her and sent her a 'we are so going to talk about this later' look.

“I've had a surprisingly cool time here,” Aden continued with a cheeky grin, “I figured being around a bunch of girls that I would be taking home a maxi pad for show and tell. But...you guys are awesome.”

“Aden!” Anya stuck her foot out, kicking him in the leg and causing him to scoot backwards at a rapid pace to get closer to Lexa's legs and out of Anya's reach.

“Yeah,” Raven scoffed before turning to Aden with a grin, “You think we can spare a maxi pad with the three of us under one roof? Unlikely.”

“Raven!” Lexa's eyes widened but Raven just waved her off.

“So, you're heading back home after this?” Raven asked, turning to Indra. Nudging Clarke with her foot until Clarke got the message, sliding off the couch and sitting on the floor to give Raven some extra room.

“Yes,” Indra confirmed, “We have a tradition of a family dinner on Sundays and I'd hate to think of my husband heating up a bowl of soup if we didn't make it home.”

“Give Gus some credit,” Anya said, “He could probably fix himself a sandwich if pushed, even if it would be practically inedible.”

“Very funny,” Indra said, expression nothing but scolding, “But if you're going to start to criticize the things your father makes, perhaps you should remember that you are one of them.”

Lexa and Aden shared a look before bursting out laughing, to the point that Aden was rolling on the floor and clutching his belly. Clarke and Raven, who were less used to Indra's smart remarks, just stared at the woman. Their eyes wide and their mouths hanging open.

“Holy shit!” Raven exclaimed, “Fucking burn.”

“Shut up,” Anya grumbled and if Lexa didn't know better she could've sworn she saw a blush dusting Anya's cheeks.

“No way!” Raven laughed, “You just got fucking owned, by your mom! You think I'm ever going to let you live that down?”

“You'd better,” Anya snarled, “If you ever want a slice of this pie again, that is.”

A gentle chorus of, “Ew,” filled the room, courtesy of Lexa and Clarke who shared an awkward glance a second later.

“Uh, she means that in the most respectful way possible, Indra. I respectfully want a slice of that pie,” Raven gave Indra a sheepish grin before throwing Anya a death glare, “And she better not open her dumb mouth and say anything else if she ever wants a piece of my ass again.”

Anya's mouth, open in preparation of a harsh retort, snapped closed. A pout coming to Anya's face.

“You're a good one, Raven,” Indra chuckled, “Don't hesitate to call me anytime either of my daughters step out of line, I'll set them straight.”

“Yeah, straight, they can do that,” Aden quipped, earning a kick in the butt from Lexa and pulling a face at her in retaliation as he crawled towards the other couch, towards safety.

“Oh, I'll be calling you for more than that, Mrs. W. We have far better things to talk about than Lex and Ahn now that we're best friends,” Raven grinned.

“Wait-”

Anya cut Lexa off, “You have Indra's number?”

Both sisters had matching confused expressions while Aden sniggered, scooting up next to Clarke to share the laugh.

“Uh, yeah,” Raven rolled her eyes, “Duh, you can't be bff's with someone without having their number.”

“We'll talk soon,” Indra chuckled, patting Raven's arm before looking at her watch, “But we must be heading off.”

After some short, and some long, goodbyes, the duo headed for the door. Aden turned when he got to it, sending a pleading look towards the house residents, “Will you guys please come to my soccer tournament? It's my championship game in a few weeks.”

“We are coming, Ade,” Lexa promised, “I might be bringing the baby though-”

“Not you,” Aden brushed her off with a dismissive expression and pointed at Clarke and Raven, “Them.”

“Sure, wonder boy,” Raven grinned, ruffling his hair, “Soccer games have like beer and after parties right?”

Clarke laughed, bumping hips with Raven, “Maybe we can throw an after party for Aden's team.”

“I don't know,” Raven said, tapping her chin in thought, “Are any of your teammates hotties?”

Aden pulled a face, “Eh, sure, if you're into fourteen to sixteen year old college soccer prospectives.”

Raven grinned, sending him a wink, “That's ma jam! You can count Clarke and I in.”

“Yes!” Aden fist pumped the air, “Everyone is going to think I'm so cool when my own, personal cheerleaders turn up.”

Clarke's eyes narrowed after she shared a look with Raven, “Personal cheerleaders, huh? You're not expecting us to wear those stupid outfits are you?”

“Nah,” Aden said with a wave of his hand, “Just something low cut – ow!”

He scowled at Indra as her hand withdrew from smacking him upside the head, “Say goodbye and remember you're a gentleman.”

“Sorry,” He grinned sheepishly before throwing his arms around Clarke and Raven, “I love you guys, I'm going to miss you so much!”

Anya, itching her arm, glanced at Lexa, “Are we chopped liver or what?”

- - - - - - - - - -

She heard the knock on her bedroom door but ignored it, hoping whoever it was would just go away. She'd been in her room, sulking, for hours. Laying on her bed and scrolling through her phone, looking at rental properties nearby.

No suck luck. Raven came into her room, same concerned look on her face that she'd had this morning. Lexa frowned, staying silent even as Raven slid onto the bed next to her.

“Rentals?” Raven asked, eyes darting between Lexa and the phone.

Lexa sighed, putting her phone down with a shrug.

“You don't have to leave, Lexa.”

Lexa swallowed thickly, avoiding Raven's eyes, “I think I do.”

“You don't,” Raven said firmly, “I know it's tough but Clarke-”

A shot of anger ran up Lexa's spine, disbelief taking over her voice, “Did she tell you what she said?”

“Yes, Lexa. She did,” Raven replied with a bite in her tone.

Lexa was taken aback. She'd assumed that Clarke would talk to Raven about it, they were closer than close. But some of the things Clarke said were harsh and Lexa really didn't think the blonde would repeat them to Raven.

“I doubt she'd want me around now,” Lexa said quietly after the silence had stretched too long.

She heard Raven let out a sigh, “Believe me, she wants you around.”

Lexa frowned, “What's that supposed for mean?”

“You got too close and she pushed you away,” Raven said firmly, “That's what Clarke does.”

“Close?” Lexa scoffed, “Right.”

“You scare her, Lexa.”

“What?” Lexa turned to finally look at her friend, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“How many people do you see sticking around for her, Lex?” Raven said sadly, “You're different, you want her more than once...it freaked her out, okay?”

Lexa's breath got caught in her throat as she mulled over Raven's words. She'd never considered the possibility of Clarke feeling like that. For a moment she wished Clarke could tell her things like she told Raven, the blonde was beyond unreadable. But she knew that wish was out of reach. Clarke was a closed book, one she was dying to read, but closed nonetheless.

Was it really that rare for Clarke to be wanted for more than a hookup? The thought saddened Lexa.

“She isn't ready,” Raven nudged her softly, “Not for anything serious but that doesn't mean you can't be there for her. It doesn't mean you have to go.”

“I don't know,” Lexa breathed out, head spinning, “Wait, Clarke's mom, she said she wouldn't...”

She tailed off, unsure if this was an okay topic or not. But it had been on her mind. She's been thinking about it since she'd heard Clarke's mom on the phone.

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “Clarke's mom stopped signing for her antidepressants.”

“Can't that be dangerous?” Lexa asked, teeth worrying into her bottom lip.

“It can.”

Lexa glanced at Raven's neutral expression, “So what's going to happen?”

Raven shrugged, “We'll figure something out. Just...don't give up on her okay? She isn't ready for anyone to love her like you do.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Lexa frowned, “That I love her.”

“I wonder,” Raven replied with an amused grin before patting Lexa's leg and getting off the bed, pausing once she'd reached the doorway, “Don't go, Lexa. At least think about it.”

Lexa nodded, watching Raven leave.

- - - - - - - - - -

The next time her door opened and closed there was no knock and she knew what that meant. Clarke. She was sitting up in bed this time. Bundled in comfy clothes after her shower. She didn't look up but out of the corner of her eye she could see Clarke leaning back against the door. And she could feel the blonde's eyes on her.

She felt the silence as if it were a physical object in the room, sitting on her heavily. Suffocating her. And just when she felt like she couldn't take it anymore, Clarke spoke.

“Don't leave.”

He voice was soft, almost vulnerable and quiet enough to be considered a whisper. The words washed over Lexa like a warm caress, making her recoil. But the sound of Clarke's voice so contrasting to that of last night that her gaze snapped straight to the blonde. Green meeting blue.

And there Clarke was. Looking smaller than ever. Her back pressed to Lexa's door, an unreadable expression on her face. But her eyes looked sad, lost. Like she didn't know which way was up.

Lexa swallowed thickly in an attempt to steady her nerves, “You want me to stay?”

There was a pregnant pause, long enough for Lexa to feel uncomfortable.

“I don't want you to go,” Clarke decided on instead.

And Lexa just knew that in Clarke's mind that was the safer option. They meant the same thing but somehow 'I don't want you to go' was less intimate, less vulnerable than 'I want you to stay'.

Words failed Lexa in that moment, the atmosphere too intense for her mind work properly so she gave Clarke a small nod in response. Clarke lifted her chin, jaw hardening and arms crossing. Walls coming back up in full force.

“You should go on that date with Costia.”

Lexa's heart dropped to her feet, she'd forgotten all about that. She was supposed to cancel but it had completely slipped her mind.

“You knew about that?” Lexa frowned, “I barely knew about that.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, giving Lexa a pointed look.

“You want me to date Costia?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded sharply, “We...it's been great, Lexa but it's time for you to move on.”

Lexa nodded dumbly, ignoring the pain in her chest, “What if I don't want to?”

It felt like a break up, with more finality than last night. They weren't even together yet it felt like one. But move on? Lexa wasn't sure that she could do that, Clarke had been so consuming to her from the moment they met. From the moment that Clarke had strolled into her life with a dirty quip and a naughty smile.

But Clarke's glare turned colder, “If you didn't want to then you wouldn't of said yes to her.”

Lexa gasped, mouth falling open and closed a few times but no words escaping her. The comment hitting her straight in the chest. Her eyes never leaving Clarke as the blonde left the room.

She laid down, trying to keep her tears at bay. Why hadn't she been able to get her words out?

She was drifting off to sleep when she heard her phone ding. It was a Facebook notification for Aden's profile being updated. There were two photos of him and Clarke. One of their grinning faces pressed together, the other with Aden smiling as Clarke pressed a kiss to his cheek. The title read...

Me and my girlfriend.

She let out a full belly laugh.

Chapter Text

17. Moving On

She was doing it. She was going to suck it up, pull herself together and be positive. Positive thinking and all that other stuff Gus was always telling them. He was always trying to get them to read about spirituality and emotional growth. 'The key to happiness starts with you' and all that. That's what she got for having a psychologist for a father, she supposed.

Lexa was going to find out. She wasn't going to mope, she was going to make the best out of a bad situation. She was going to be happy and positive. She was going to be there for her family and for her friends. She was going to move forward. And she was going to go on her date with Costia. She was going to try and move on.

Clarke's words stuck with her. That she wouldn't have said yes to Costia if she didn't want to go out with her. She wasn't sure. But she knew that she liked Costia, Costia was a nice person. And maybe she hadn't given Costia a chance romantically. But didn't Costia deserve that? A chance? She'd been nothing but nice to Lexa after all. And Lexa did find her attractive. So she'd go on this date and give it a shot. See if there was anything between them.

When she made it downstairs that morning it was to find Raven, looking defeated and staring into the bottom of a coffee mug.

“You okay?” She asked, leaning next to her friend on the breakfast bar, elbows brushing.

“Clarke isn't home,” Raven sighed, “That means she went out last night after I went to bed.”

Lexa's eyebrows pinched in concern, “Any idea where she would be?”

Raven shrugged, “Best case, she crashed at O's.”

“And worse case?”

“I dunno,” Raven shook her head, shooting Lexa a weak smile, “She can take care of herself, you know? I just...I can deal with her better when she's sad. I know what to do then. We just cuddle up in our pj's, watch movies and eat junk food. She cries, I comfort her. Same rules for being on the rag, really. But this, when she's drinking and sneaking out, there's nothing I can do except wait and hope for the next part to come. The sad part that I can actually help with.”

“I'm sorry,” Lexa whispered after a pause, laying a comforting hand on Raven's arm, “Clarke knows that she's got you, you know that right? She knows you'd do anything for her.”

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “I would.”

“And Clarke knows that,” Lexa nudged her.

Raven smiled, shaking her head and seemingly shaking herself out of it, “Anyway, what about you? Date tonight, right?”

Lexa hummed, nodding, “Unless...I mean, I can cancel if you need a friend tonight.”

“I'm going to try and spend some time with Clarke,” Raven said, “You enjoy your date. And remember, you're a tall drink of vodka cranberry, Lex. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

“It's just one date,” Lexa laughed, “And isn't it supposed to be, 'a tall glass of water'?”

“I like vodka cranberry better,” Raven grinned, shooting her a wink.

- - - - - - - - - -

“So you and Clarke aren't screwing anymore, damn,” Anya mused, “I didn't see that coming.”

“I wouldn't put it like that, we weren't screwing,” Lexa scoffed.

“Well you weren't exactly making love, Lex.”

And Lexa thought about it. There had never been any sort of feelings mentioned between her and Clarke other than her making it known that she cared for the blonde. Were they making love? No. They hadn't but at certain points it had felt like something. Something other than fucking at least. And it was that realization that plucked a nerve, did she want to make love to Clarke?

“No...I suppose we weren't,” Lexa replied quietly, pursing her lips.

The day had been strange on more counts than one. Clarke hadn't turned up to school and with her phone still turned off Lexa and Raven had absolutely no idea where the blonde could be. It was at lunchtime that Lexa, after forgetting her lunch, had been forced into going to the cafeteria. It was the last place she wanted to be, wanting to avoid a certain person but in the battle of avoiding Vile Kyle and her hungry pains, the growl of her stomach won out.

Upon arriving in the cafeteria she'd run run into Clarke's friends, not an unwelcome occurrence but she couldn't help but to notice the not so friendly glare she'd received from Niylah. Whatever she'd done to the girl to gain that reaction, she couldn't fathom but Niylah wasn't the problem. Clarke was. And after speaking to Octavia, Clarke's best friend herself, Lexa was worried. Although Clarke could've been anywhere, it was pretty much assumed that she was either at Octavia's or that Octavia knew where she was. But Octavia was the one asking where Clarke was.

Meeting up with Raven afterwards had settled her concerns a little bit. Raven, although Lexa could tell was concerned herself, reassured Lexa that this wasn't out of the ordinary. That Clarke sometimes needed to disappear for a little while. That Clarke would probably make an appearance before the day was up. So Lexa resigned herself not to worry until then and to carry on her plans like normal. If Clarke wasn't home by bedtime then she could worry.

So she found herself in Anya's hotel room. Her and her sister laying on Anya's bed, staring at the ceiling while they chatted. Madison curled, naked, on her chest and peacefully napping. The toddler had decided not to wear clothes anymore and whatever this 'naked phase' was about, Lexa wasn't about to argue with the toddler. Madison probably had extremely important reasons for ditching her clothing anyway.

“What exactly happened?” Anya pulled Lexa from her thoughts.

Lexa paused. The question caught her off guard. Not that Anya would ask but that she didn't really have an answer. What had actually happened? Clarke ended their arrangement because...what? Because Lexa caught feelings? Because Clarke got scared? Because Clarke was in a bad place? Because Lexa said yes to Costia?

“We stopped because Clarke wanted to stop,” She settled on, fingers absent mindedly combing through Madison's wild mess of dark waves.

“Well I figured that out, Lexa. You weren't going to call it quits, were you?” Anya scoffed.

And no, she wasn't. Of course she wasn't.

“That's what I thought,” Anya said after Lexa had apparently stayed silent for too long, “So what are you going to do?”

Lexa turned her head towards Anya, seeking out her sisters gaze, “What do you mean?”

“You live with her, you're friends with her cousin...” Anya trailed off in thought for a moment, “I don't know, won't it be awkward?”

“Maybe,” Lexa hummed in agreement, “But Clarke's going through a lot and I want to be there for her.”

“Why?”

Lexa shrugged, hugging Madison to her chest. The toddlers slow, steady heartbeat and deep, even breathing calming her. There was something about Madison sleeping peacefully that always calmed her, especially if the toddler was close, “I care about her.”

“I know,” Anya's voice took on a rare soft tone, “I'm sorry she ditched you, squid.”

“It's her choice. It always was and I'm fine with that. But...since it's over, and she said I should move on...” Lexa took a deep breath, “I...I actually have a date tonight. Which reminds me, could you drop Madison home for me?”

“Hold up, you have a what?”

“I have a date with Costia,” Lexa mumbled into Madison's hair, cheeks turning pink.

“You have a- What? What? Who the fuck is Costia?” Anya exclaimed.

Lexa frowned. She wasn't sure if Anya was being dense on purpose or not because her sister had definitely met Costia. On multiple occasions, in fact.

“I work with her, you've met her,” Lexa insisted.

“Uh, no,” Anya rolled her eyes, “Anyway, that's not even the point. Lexa, this is such a bad idea. You shouldn't do it.”

“Why?”

“Because you're in love with Clarke,” Anya supplied like it was the most simple thing in the world.

Lexa's frown deepened, “I don't know about that but it doesn't matter either way. Clarke doesn't want to be with me. And Costia is...she's nice.”

Anya scoffed, “You're an idiot.”

“Why?”

“Can you remember the first time you mentioned Clarke to me?” Anya said, waiting until Lexa shook her head 'no' before continuing, “You called me up after your first day of teaching and you said 'I'm in love with my student because she flashed me her panties'.”

Lexa sighed, the conversation coming back to her, “And you told me to suck it up and do my job.”

Anya shot her a distasteful look, “Regardless. When I first heard about Clarke it was all 'she's amazing', 'she had magical tits'-”

“You said that.”

“-'I'm in love with her',” Anya carried on as if Lexa hadn't spoken, “And now you're telling me about Costia. And Costia is...nice. Tell me you see the problem here, Lexa.”

“It doesn't matter, Clarke isn't ready-”

“Jesus, Lexa. It doesn't matter what's happening with Clarke! What matters is that you shouldn't be going for people you find nice after working with them for months,” Anya's voice rose a couple of octaves, “You should be going for people that make you fall for them on day one after flashing you.”

The silenced stretched. Fucking Anya. Lexa was annoyed. At herself, at Anya, in general. Anya's words lit a fire inside Lexa, as well as flooding her with guilt. For a moment Madison stirred, but only enough to lodge her head further under Lexa's chin.

“It's just a date,” Lexa bit defensively, keeping her voice low to avoid disturbing the toddler more.

“Fine,” Anya sighed, realizing defeat. Lexa hardly ever got snappy and Anya knew that if Lexa did then it was time to quit, “I get it. Let me know how it goes at least.”

Lexa nodded absent mindedly. Both sisters staring at the ceiling, the silence washing over them. Only the sounds of Madison's deep breathing and light snores filling the air.

“Lex?” Anya questioned after a solid ten minutes of silence, “You do know that you're in love with Clarke, don't you?”

Lexa's gaze never shifted from the ceiling, letting the silence stretch to the point that Anya probably didn't think she was going answer. She sighed, her voice quiet, “Yeah.”

- - - - - - - - - -

A small part of her hadn't believed Raven. That reality was her first opinion, that Costia was just asking her to a friendly dinner. That small part of her was squashed completely the moment she saw Costia waiting outside the restaurant for her. The pretty dress, heavier than usual make up and slightly curled hair giving her intentions away.

It made her nervous. There was a certain amount of pressure on her with there being no doubt that this was, in fact, a date. Costia's wide smile upon seeing her making her swallow.

It wasn't until they were sitting comfortably, opposite each other in a booth and wine flowing freely that Lexa finally relaxed. Her mind wandering briefly to Clarke, she wondered what it would be like to be on a proper date with her. If it would be awkward, if the conversation would flow smoothly. If Clarke would dress up for her. If they'd get through dinner before they were ripping each others clothes off, other diners by damned because Clarke was that insatiable.

She shook the thought from her head. The guilt manifesting itself in the reddening of her cheeks, she should not be thinking about Clarke while on a date with Costia.

“So,” Costia's sent her an easy smile, taking a long sip of wine, “What's it like living with Raven?”

Lexa smiled at the question. She felt the same familiar pull of her lips that happened whenever her friend was mentioned, “I love it. She's the best friend I didn't know I needed until she elbowed her way into my life, made herself at home and started mocking me.”

Lexa grinned as Costia chuckled.

“And living with her, it's like...” Lexa continued, “It's like having a piece of home with me. Having somewhere that I fit in so well, it's...and Raven gets on really well with my sister so that's a big plus.”

“She's certainly unique,” Costia laughed prettily, “What about Clarke?”

Lexa paled slightly, hiding her worry behind her glass of wine, “What?”

“Living with her,” Costia said, eyebrows raised, “How is it? I'm sure living with a teenager has some ups and downs.”

Lexa bit her lip, she liked Clarke's up and downs, she'd been an admirer of Clarke's up and downs since day one. Her smile was more of a grimace as she nodded politely, “Clarke's great. Living with her is...they've...Clarke and Raven have both made me feel incredibly welcome.”

“They are quite the pair,” Costia grinned, “They have a bit of a reputation among the school staff of bickering like an old married couple.”

Lexa couldn't help the bubble of laughter that ripped from her throat, she could absolutely see that with the way Clarke and Raven acted sometimes. The laughter carrying them until their meals arrived, changing the focus.

“So, Lexa,” Costia glanced up from her steak, “Why did you move here?”

“Well...I decided to take a year out from writing to regather,” Lexa mused, “I wanted to give my mind a long break from it so that I could come back fresh, not in the same head space as I was when writing my previous books.”

“You're a writer?” Costia asked with an impressed expression, “What have you written?”

“Ever heard of The Fleimkepa Trilogy?” She watched as realization dawned on Costia's face, her eyes widening.

“I loved those books!”

“Thank you,” Lexa blushed, a smile coming to her face, “But anyway, tell me about yourself?”

So she learnt about Costia. How Costia was an only child, her father a university professor while her mother owned a bakery that was famous for it's secret jelly doughnut recipe. That Costia got into teaching when she was offered a chance to TA in college. That she'd had a fairly sheltered upbringing in the suburbs and she'd been in two relationships. Both serious. Both ending on good terms.

To sum it up. Costia was a perfectly pleasant and normal person. Someone to take home to your parents. Someone nice and sweet and genuine. So, after accepting a ride home, when Costia got out of her car too, Lexa only briefly panicked when Costia lent in for a kiss. They met in the middle, the kiss short and sweet...and prematurely interrupted by the sound of someone scoffing. Lexa pulled back sharply, only to come face to face with Clarke, who was walking passed them towards the house with narrowed eyes. And Lexa's heart jumped into her throat as she glanced nervously between Clarke and Costia.

“I don't need to see that.”

Clarke's muttering kicked Lexa into gear, pulling her eyes away from Clarke's retreating form to shoot Costia an apologetic glance, “Sorry, I need to...” She trailed off, already shifting towards Clarke, “I'll...I'll text you!”

The words were said over her shoulder as she took off after Clarke without so much as a backwards glance, leaving Costia looking dumbfounded in her wake.

Slamming the door behind her, she managed to grab Clarke's hand before the blonde disappeared. Clarke spun around to face her, expression venomous and making Lexa gulp.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, softly, “Where were you? We were worried and-”

“Don't do that,” Clarke spat, tone acidic, “Don't treat me like that, Lexa.”

Lexa's eyes widened, the hostility coming off the blonde making her recoil, “Like what?”

“Like a kid!” Clarke snapped, “Don't fuck me and then treat me like I'm a child.”

“I...I'm not, I...” Lexa's mouth opened and closed, trying to get her words out, “I was worried, Raven was worried. I...I care-”

“I know,” Clarke cut her off with a sigh, deflating somewhat and some of her anger seeming to lift, “I know you care. I just...I need some space.”

“If you're...if things are getting hard for you,” Lexa licked her lips, squeezing Clarke's hand gently, the air between them thick, “Let me help you, Clarke.”

Blue met green as Clarke searched her eyes and for a long moment Lexa thought Clarke was going to let her. That Clarke was going to let her in. That Clarke was going to let her help. But, too soon, Clarke's eyes hardened once more. Turning from that sky blue color to a cold grey and Clarke's hand was pulled from hers.

Clarke's voice came out cold, distant, “You wouldn't understand.”

And Lexa helplessly watched Clarke leave. Her eyes never leaving Clarke until the blonde's bedroom door slammed and blocked her view.

- - - - - - - - - -

A few hours later found Lexa helping Raven make dinner. Although she had already eaten with Costia, Raven and Clarke hadn't. The cousins always tended to eat late, something Lexa herself was getting used to too. But still, even though she'd eaten, she still wanted to help. Taking on the task of slicing the vegetables which would become a stir fry as Raven waited idly next to a sizzling frying pan with her dreaded spatula in hand.

“Seriously though,” Raven grumbled, “You'd think that girl could've send one text.”

“Mm,” Lexa murmured, focusing more on the peppers than her friend.

“A 'hey, I'm okay' or even just a stupid thumbs up emoji, like 'thumbs up, I'm not dead'. Right?”

“Mm.”

“Lexa? Are you even listening to me?”

Lexa looked up with a blush, “Huh? Yeah, I'm listening.”

Raven raised a skeptical eyebrow, “So you're cool with a threesome with me and Costia then?”

Her cheeks darkened further, eyes widening, “I...what?”

“Relax,” Raven chuckled, “How was your date, anyway?”

“It was nice,” Lexa mused before she internally cringed.

There was that word again. Nice. Following her around. What was even wrong with the word nice? Nice was...nice. Apparently Raven didn't think so, if the unimpressed look on her face was anything to go by.

“Um,” Lexa bit her lip, searching for words other than nice, “It was good. We talked, we ate, we laughed. We, um...she kissed me.”

“Damn, Woods, you work fast,” Raven grinned, “Was it good?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded before frowning, “Only...I kinda ran away from her.”

Raven stood frozen, staring at her with an amused expression and completely ignoring the vegetables Lexa was dropping into the pan with a hiss.

“I...it wasn't on purpose, we were kissing and then...well, Clarke got back and I...” Lexa trailed off, eyes hitting the floor as she realized how stupid she sounded.

“Why oh why didn't I get the whipped sound downloaded onto my phone?” Raven groaned, finally coming through with her spatula and stirring the food, “Lex, if you're going to drop Costia like a hot potato the moment Clarke walks by then maybe you shouldn't be dating her.”

“It wasn't like that,” Lexa shook her head, “I was just worried about Clarke because we hadn't seen her all day and-”

“Damn,” Raven cut her off with a chuckle and pat to her cheek, “Thank God you're pretty because seriously, if you dropped a lip lock with me to chase after a pretty blonde then I'd can your ass."

Lexa stuck her tongue out, “Then it's a good thing I'm not dating you, isn't it?”

Raven scoffed, rolling her eyes, “You'd be lucky to date me. I'm a catch. But thankfully for both of us, we're better off as friends because you have a hotter sister and I am not a blonde.”

Lexa laughed at the over exaggerated wink getting sent her way, throwing a stray mushroom in the general direction of Raven's head. They'd just about finished dinner when Clarke's bedroom door flew open, revealing an angry looking Clarke decked out in tight jeans and a hoodie.

“Come on, Clarkey,” Raven smiled, “Dinners nearly ready.”

Clarke's eyes swept over Raven for half a second before settling on the counter, “No, thanks.”

“I know you're feeling shitty but you have to eat,” Raven said softly, the concern evident in her voice, “You don't eat when you're out and you've been gone since last night.”

Clarke scowled, making her way towards the front door, “I'm not hungry.”

“Hey, no,” Raven called out, tone firm, “You're not going out tonight, Clarke.”

Clarke's hand met the door knob, pulling it open and glancing back towards Raven with narrowed eyes as she was half way through it, “Watch me.”

The door slammed at the same time as Raven's shoulders dropped in defeat. Lexa nudged her in empathy.

“I'm sorry, Rae,” Lexa spoke softly, “She'll be okay.”

Raven nodded sadly, “I guess so, I just wish she was okay now.”

“I know.”

- - - - - - - - - - -

She took a deep breath. She didn't particularly want to have this conversation but she knew that she needed to. She'd practically ditched Costia just to run after Clarke. She could only hope that Costia understood...if only she understood herself. She'd just been so relieved to see Clarke that all thoughts of Costia had vanished. Leaving her mind in it's usual auto-piloted state of Clarke, Clarke, Clarke. And was that wrong? Probably.

Still, when she went to bed and found a text from Costia flashing across the screen, she knew that she had to face the music.

Costia: What happened? X

Lexa bit her lip, laying back in her bed and squinting up at her phone screen.

Clarke's very important to me and...No, she couldn't write that.

Lexa: I'm sorry. Clarke's going through some stuff and I'm trying to look out for her. X

She sent the message before she could over think it. It was as close to the truth as she could allow herself to go. And she was trying to look out for Clarke, there was just more to it than that.

Costia: That's really nice of you, teenagers can be difficult and I'm sure Raven appreciates the help. I just hope that you had a good time with me? X

Realization struck her. She'd assumed Costia might be jealous, that she'd get annoyed at Lexa for practically ditching her for another girl. But of course Costia didn't think that. Clarke was just a student to Costia, like any other. Costia thought that she was just helping Raven out by looking out for Clarke. The idea didn't sit well in her stomach.

Still, at least Costia didn't think she was into Clarke. At least Costia didn't know...the truth. She cringed internally.

Lexa: I did. Did you? X

Costia: Of course I did! You're amazing, Lexa and I'd love to ask you out again...if you'll say yes. :) X

Lexa smiled, the attention felt nice. It definitely boosted her ego.

Lexa: I guess you'll have to ask and find out. X

She put her phone away, happy that she hadn't ruined things between them. Whatever they were, whatever they had the potential to be. Lexa wasn't sure. But she did know that she'd enjoyed spending time with Costia and she wouldn't mind attempting a second date.

Chapter Text

18. Hold Me

“So, uncle Marcus' woman is a piece of work.”

The comment surprised her. Much like Madison's mom, Marcus' fiancé was somewhat of an enigma. Lexa knew little to nothing about the woman that'd stolen her uncle's heart at a conference he'd attended in the city. Just a few short months later and he'd moved in with her permanently, making the move from Ton DC to Polis. The only real information Lexa had was that the woman was incredibly work focused, at least that was the usual explanation given whenever Marcus showed up without her.

Anya's description was surprising however. It was well known in their family that uncle Marcus, Indra's step brother, enjoyed the bachelor life style before he'd met his fiancé. And it had become a running joke of sorts that it would take a strong, independent woman to finally tame Marcus' wild ways. But a piece of work? High maintenance, maybe but she found it hard to imagine that her fun and easy going uncle would settle for someone awful.

Besides, this woman shared DNA with Madison so Lexa had to believe she was wonderful too.

Her toast, popping up, caused her to jump. With her phone firmly wedged between her shoulder and the side of her head, she grabbed the toast. Burning her fingertips in the process and letting out a hiss of pain.

“What makes you say that?”

A scoff sounded in her ear, “Cause she's a real piece of work.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I kinda got that part, Ahn. But why?”

“She looked at me like a piece of shit. Seriously, the bitch huffed and rolled her eyes at me when she answered the door as if it were such an imposition for her instead of, you know, someone selflessly dropping off her kid.”

“Seriously?” Lexa frowned, throwing the butter knife she'd just finished using into the sink before sliding both slices of toast onto a plate.

“Yeah,” Anya continued, the view of Clarke coming through the front door – presumably back from her night out - mildly distracting Lexa from her conversation and her toast, “Madison didn't even want to go with her, cried and everything.”

“The baby cried?” Lexa raised her eyebrows in surprise. She noticed Clarke's eyebrows pinch in concern for half a second before her features evened out and she stole a slice of Lexa's toast. Sending Lexa a wink as she took a bite before sauntering towards her bedroom, Lexa's eyes following the path of her hips.

“Yeah, it broke my fuckin' heart. With those big, blue eyes and her being all like ' no, Anna', ugh. Seriously, never again.”

“Yeah, I got it. Never again,” Lexa nodded absent-mindedly, more confused than ever.

She'd never witnessed Madison react in the way her sister was describing before. Yes, the toddler had tantrums and got upset but there was always a valid reason. Usually it was because Madison missed her mommy. The rest of the time it was almost always because she was scared or anxious.

“Anyway, squid. How was your date?”

Lexa bit her lip, the subject change making her head spin, butter coating her tongue, “It was fun.”

“Fun?” Anya pondered the word, “Did you score?”

Lexa blushed, even though she knew no one could see her, “We kissed.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, outside her car when she dropped me off.”

“Oh my God, Lexa! That's practically public sex.”

“Ahn,” Lexa chuckled, “No, what you and Raven did in my car? That's public sex.”

“Hell yeah it was,” Anya laughed, “Speaking of public indecency, how'd the wonder bra take it?”

“Don't call her that!” Lexa hissed, lowering her voice and glancing at Clarke's bedroom door, “Clarke, is fine. She told me to move on so I am.”

“What a fantastic reason for jumping into a new relationship,” Anya's tone dripped with sarcasm, “The girl I'm in love with told me to. Solid start.”

Was Anya right? Yes, she'd decided to go on a date with Costia because Clarke told her to. But that wasn't to say that Lexa wouldn't of been interested in Costia if Clarke had never been a factor. If Lexa had never met Clarke then she would've asked Costia out, she was sure of it. Costia was nice and pretty, and Lexa found her company comfortable. She'd just been so utterly distracted by Clarke that she'd never given herself the chance to notice Costia.

Was 'my ex fuck buddy who I'm hopeless for telling me to' a good reason to start a relationship? No. But 'my insatiable student flashed me her panties' wasn't either.

She let out a huff, “I am not jumping into a new relationship because Clarke told me to. I am dating Costia because I like her and she asked me out.”

“You like her,” Anya said, “But you're not into her like you're into blondie. And whoever this Costia bitch is, she doesn't deserve to be in competition. Especially one that she didn't even enter.”

Her gut sank with a gnawing feeling. Was that what she was doing? Entering Costia into a competition with Clarke? If so, was the prize worth it for either of them? She shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts. No. There was no competition because Clarke didn't want her. And she was just seeing where things were going with Costia. There was no harm in a couple of dates.

“We're leaving for the camp in the morning, are you going to miss Raven?” Lexa asked, clearing her throat.

Anya scoffed but thankfully went along with the subject change, knowing when her sister was done talking, “I'm sure I'll manage. Just don't set fire to anything again.”

Despite the low mood, it pulled a laugh from Lexa. The memories of camping with her family when she was younger were always warm ones, “That was one time.”

“What was one time?” Raven asked, yawning as she came into the room.

Lexa shot her a smile, “Morning, Rae. Say hi to your lover.”

Raven rolled her eyes at Lexa's teasing tone but a smirk overtook her features as she leant towards the phone, tone husky, “Hey, Indra!”

Lexa's face dropped as matching laughs chorused in and out of her phone, making her groan.

“Nope. No!” Lexa shook her head, “I am not dealing with you both, this early in the morning.”

Raven's laughter only got louder when Lexa slammed the phone down, hanging up on her sister.

“What's so funny?” Clarke's voice drifted through the kitchen before the blonde appeared next to Raven.

Raven crossed her arms, giving Clarke a once over, an unimpressed look on her face.

“Who are you?” Raven asked, tone teasing, “You look like my baby cousin except that can't be right. My baby cousin, Clarke, hasn't used her bedroom in days.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “I'm Clarke's better looking twin, sorry.”

“Well then,” Raven hip checked the blonde, “Nice to meet you, sorry. Curfew is at midnight in this house unless agreed otherwise.”

A smile came to Clarke's face, the fondness for her cousin evident in the softness of her gaze, “Yes, mom.”

“Alright,” Raven grinned, patting the top of Clarke's head, “Let me go get dressed and we'll head to school.”

Clarke nodded, eyes following her cousin as Raven grabbed a cup of coffee and head back upstairs. And then Clarke turned to her with a smile, the breakfast bar between them as Clarke rested her forearms on it, leaning towards Lexa with a tilt of her head.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Clarke said, her tone dropping towards the seductive husk Lexa had heard many times before.

It confused Lexa but she brushed it aside, quirking her lips in jest, “You mean the breakfast you stole from me?”

But Lexa's laughter died on her tongue as the blonde leant forward, causing her forearms to push up her breasts into an even more impressive cleavage. Lexa couldn't help her eyes dropping to it as Clarke ventured into her space. She dragged her gaze back to blue only to see a naughty smirk on the blonde's face.

“I can't help it,” Clarke teased. Her tongue coming out to sweep over her bottom lip, Lexa's eyes following the slow movement, “Everything you have to eat is just so tasty, I can't resist.”

Lexa's mouth dropped open. Her mind immediately conjuring up images of Clarke between her legs, the blonde's clever mouth at work. Eating. And with her teeth biting into her lower lip, Clarke left with a wink. All Lexa could do was sit frozen and dumbfounded.

What the fuck just happened?

- - - - - - - - -

Lexa wasn't sure that she'd ever been so uncomfortable in her life. Her whole day had been surreal, and not in a good way.

Firstly, there was Clarke. Clarke, who had been shooting her sexy smiles and sultry looks all day. Which was beyond confusing. This girl was just so hot and cold with her. When Clarke had decided to call it quits, Lexa hadn't exactly been happy about it, but she did accept it. And now Clarke was throwing her a complete curve ball. Making it more difficult to move forward. Every time Clarke shot her a predatory look or pushed her chest out just that little bit extra whenever Lexa was looking her way, it clouded Lexa's mind with every intimate detail of Clarke's body. Which she'd seen. Every inch of. Up close. In various different positions. It was messing with her head big time.

Secondly, there was Raven. Her lunch break had found her relaxing on the couch in the teacher's lounge with her favorite Latina. Having fun sharing stories about their childhood camping experiences in preparation for their weekend.

Raven telling Lexa about the time she was diving into a lake with the new friends she'd made at the camp when she was eight. That it was so fun until little Clarke had decided that she could do anything that the big kids could do, diving straight in after them. Long story short, Clarke almost drowned and had been scared to swim ever since then.

Lexa relayed the story if how one time Anya had scared her so badly with a pretend spider that she'd run straight into a lantern, knocking it over and setting fire to their family tent. That Gustus and Indra had put the fire out only after making sure that Lexa and Anya were okay. How she felt so guilty that she'd cried for over an hour and it wasn't until after Anya and Gustus started chanting to the fire Gods, thanking them for spicing up the trip and creating a treasured memory, that Lexa finally climbed out of Indra's embrace with a giggle to join them.

But then Raven had done something that she couldn't work out. She'd invited Costia over for dinner. Costia had entered the teacher's lounge with a polite smile, that smile growing when she'd noticed Lexa. And then Raven had asked Costia over for dinner. For dinner with her, Lexa and Clarke. She'd nudged her friend afterwards but Raven's only reply to her 'what are you playing at, Reyes?' was a smirk.

Thirdly, was Madison. Lexa had picked her up from daycare, like usual and planned to go to the park but Madison was fussy from the start. Being extra clingy with Lexa to the point of fat tears tracking down her chubby cheeks at the mere suggestion of getting extracted from the safety of Lexa's neck. Lexa understood. Madison's constitution was shy and somewhat nervous and sometimes Madison just really missed her mom. Lexa could relate, it had been incredibly difficult for her when she'd lost her birth mother through a fetal drug overdose. She could only hope that she could offer the toddler some comfort.

And dropping Madison off with Marcus was getting harder and harder every day. It felt like she was leaving a part of her behind. And she found herself wishing more and more frequently that Madison was hers to keep.

But then she found herself sitting around the table – the table Lexa wasn't even aware of the existence of until the moment Raven had uncovered it – sitting next to Costia, opposite Clarke and Raven and keeping her focus strictly on her food consumption...up until Clarke's bare toes ran up the inside of her leg, making her almost choke. After seeing Clarke's cool and collected demeanor, she almost wished she had.

“So,” Raven said after practically swallowing a piece of garlic bread whole, “How excited are we all for tomorrow?”

Lexa and Clarke shared a look, both looking as excited as each other as they pulled dubious faces but Costia smiled bright.

“Extremely! I love camping,” Costia said enthusiastically before turning to Lexa, “I'm looking forward to seeing your tent assembling skills.”

Lexa frowned, what tent assembling skills? She frowned harder when she heard Clarke snort a laugh into her water. She shot the blonde a warning look but all it achieved was Clarke's foot sliding upwards on her thigh.

“Knock it off,” Lexa grumbled, hoping Clarke caught the double meaning.

But the blonde just raised an eyebrow in challenge. It worried Lexa, Clarke was obviously in a frisky mood and she wasn't quite sure how far Clarke would go.

“I already like you better than the last girl Lexa was with,” Clarke spoke with intent, cocking her head to the side and observing Costia with a sparkle in her eye.

Lexa's breath caught in her throat while Raven leant back in her chair, watching the situation unfold as if it were the best entertainment she'd ever witnessed.

“You do?” Costia smiled politely, gaze shifting between Clarke and Lexa.

“Definitely,” Clarke grinned, “That bitch was loud.”

Time stood still for a few seconds. All Lexa could do was stare in shock at Clarke's smirking face. Of course Clarke was proud of herself. It was Raven's booming laugh that pulled Lexa from her halted stare.

“Oh,” Costia shifted awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation topic, “I don't if that's an appropriate topic of...Clarke, we're your teachers.”

Lexa winced. The comment sitting badly with her, and judging from the narrowed blue eyes, it sat badly with Clarke too. She did however, use the distraction in her attempt to push Clarke's foot away but she was only successful in Clarke shooting her a brief 'nuh uh' look and the blonde's foot sliding further to where it really shouldn't be.

“Nah,” Raven chuckled, slinging her arm around Clarke's shoulders and cutting the tension, “I'm just her cousin.”

Lexa smiled, ignoring the pointed look that Costia was sending her. If Costia really thought that Lexa would take her side over Clarke and Raven's after one date then she was going to be disappointed.

“Besides,” Ravel grinned impishly, “She's right, that bitch kept the house up all night. Right, Lex-AH!?”

“Thank you, Raven, for that example,” Lexa said, the impressive moan Raven let out with her name sounding nothing but sinful but at least it make Clarke smile slightly.

But she could feel the tension coming from Costia, who was clearly still uncomfortable and Lexa felt torn. This was Raven and Clarke's house, Raven and Clarke were her people. And yes, maybe their specific brand of humor was on the more sexual side but she couldn't imagine ever feeling uneasy in their presence. The duo's light hearted banter was fun. It was entertaining and they always knew how to lift a mood.

On the other hand, Lexa fully understood that some people weren't that confident with the topic of sex, especially when spoken about so casually. And for all intent and purpose, Clarke was Costia's student. Lexa sure as shit wouldn't think this conversation was funny if it was within earshot of Finn Collins.

“Speaking of Lexa,” Costia said, sliding her hand onto Lexa's arm, Clarke's foot copying the movement on the inside of Lexa's thigh, “I think Polis high is extremely lucky to have such a well known author teaching English.”

“Author?” Raven's head cocked to the side, quizzical eyes searching Lexa's face.

“Well known?” Clarke chimed in, expression identical to Raven's and foot pausing.

Costia shot her a confused smile, “You didn't...”

“It's not a secret,” Lexa chuckled before turning to the cousins, “You guys know I'm published.”

“Published?” Costia's eyebrows ventured towards her hair line, “You're second book sold out within forty eight hours, your third within twenty four. You're not just published, you're the up and coming author. You're the it girl of authors right now. Your twitter followers are...” Costia trailed off, noticing Lexa's wide eyes and Clarke and Raven's shocked expressions.

“What the fuck did you write?” Raven asked.

“Fleimkepa,” Lexa said lowly, watching the grins spreading across the cousin's faces.

“Oh my God!” Raven's mouth dropped open.

“Damn, Lex,” Clarke pursed her lips in an amused smirk, “You write an incredibly detailed blow job for a lesbian.”

Costia choked on her drink but Lexa was ready for the comment, knowing exactly when Clarke's smirk was naughty. She wasn't, however, prepared for Clarke's words to flood her brain with the memories of the blonde's lips wrapped around the phallic shaped toy they'd once had fun with. She dragged her eyes away from Clarke's mouth, clearing her throat in the process. Attempting to shut out the burning feeling between her legs as Clarke's toes curled against her inner thigh.

“I understand the logistics of straight sex, Clarke,” Lexa said, relieved that her voice came out even. She purposely let her eyes dip to Clarke's chest for an obvious second, “I may not have experience in that area but I have my sources.”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke leant forward, foot pressing directly between Lexa's thighs and a grin on her face, “Maybe in your next book you can draw from your life experiences and we'll be able to read about an incredibly loud girl that just wants you to 'fuck her harder'.”

Clarke's foot accentuating each word with a firm press against her. Lexa had to stifle a groan at the delicious pressure on her center, teeth digging into her bottom lip to prevent any sound from escaping. Though she was sure her cheeks had turned pink, if Clarke's smug smile was anything to go by. The impish look in those blue eyes daring her to say or do something about that.

“Clarke,” Costia scolded, cutting off Raven and Lexa's laughs. Costia's expression scandalized, “It isn't appropriate for you to speak to Lexa that way. Even if she wasn't your teacher, being intimate with someone is a big deal and speaking about it that way will make people think that you're...”

Costia trailed off as soon as she noticed just how shocked Lexa was by her reaction. Raven's mouth was open too, the both of them staring at Costia. Clarke, however, was looking murderous.

“That I'm what?” Clarke spat.

“Oh-kay,” Raven said, recovering before Lexa and swooping in to try and save the situation, “Um, so Lexa's books have sex in them and Clarkey-Clarke likes bjs, uh...so, camping. None of use have gone camping in years, have you, Costia?”

“Oh, um...”

As Costia conversed with Raven, Lexa paid attention to Clarke. Clarke looked marginally less irritated, thanks to Raven's interruption but Costia had deflated Clarke enough for her toes to stop tracing the inside of Lexa's thigh. Instead opting to throw her other leg up so that her feet were comfortably resting on Lexa's lap, ankles crossed. Lexa subtly slipped her hand under the table, giving Clarke's calf a soft squeeze and pulling blue to green.

“Have you started your submission for Polis Gallery yet?” Costia's question was directed to Clarke.

Lexa understood what Costia was trying to do. She was trying to make nice with Clarke, trying to smooth over the earlier conversation. Lexa also thought it was a mistake, Clarke wasn't someone that ignored things. Costia's attempt to continue as if there was no confrontation wouldn't fly with Clarke. Still, the subject change peeked Lexa's interest, even if Clarke's eyes narrowed.

Raven shot Clarke a confused look, “What submission?”

“Clarke didn't tell you?” Costia asked, seemingly surprised, “Polis Gallery is holding an exhibition for young artists, not many people get chosen but I was allowed to pick two students to be considered.”

“And you picked Clarke?” Raven asked for confirmation, after receiving a nod she immediately smacked Clarke in the arm, “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Uh, ow,” Clarke scowled, rubbing the sore spot, “It's no big deal, I'll paint something to submit closer to the deadline.”

“Of course it's a big deal!” Costia exclaimed, laying it on a little thick, “And time is ticking, you're an incredibly talented artist and this isn't something that you want to leave until the last minute.”

“I'll start it right away,” Clarke's tone was sweet but her expression was anything but and Lexa mentally winced, “I'll name it 'get off my back'.”

Costia's face dropped along with the mood.

“Who wants dessert?” Lexa asked over enthusiastically, laughing when Raven's hand shot up straight away.

Thank God for Raven Reyes.

- - - - - - - - -

It was late when she heard footsteps on the stairs. It took her a few seconds to get her bearings, realizing that it wasn't the footsteps that'd woken her, it was the thunder. Rain bit against her window in loud pelts, creating a chill in the air. She snuggled further into the warmth of her comforter. Her attention being pulled to the opening of her bedroom door.

And there, stood Clarke. A flash of lightening illuminated her in the otherwise dark room. Hair mused, clearly in her pajamas and an unreadable, yet somber expression on her face.

“Where's Raven?”

Lexa could hear the quiver in Clarke's voice. It made the blonde seem younger, more vulnerable. A far cry from the confident, untouchable Clarke that Lexa was used to.

“Went to see Ahn,” Lexa supplied, searching to seek out Clarke's eyes in the dark.

“Oh,” Clarke deflated, twitching as if to leave but her body not quite cooperating with her.

“Clarke, if you want to-”

Lexa was cut off as a crack of thunder sounded along with the next strike of lightening and Lexa saw Clarke's whole body jumped in reaction. A uneasiness in her posture and her hands quivering.

Was Clarke scared? Lexa wasn't sure. In her mind, Clarke wasn't afraid of anything. Still, she silently lifted the covers in invitation. Clarke only hesitating for a split second before she was climbing in next to Lexa, shifting until she was lying comfortably on her back.

Lexa observed another quiver racking Clarke's body at the next clap of thunder, fingers mindlessly picking at a loose thread on Lexa's comforter and wet eyes shifting between her hands and the ceiling.

“Are you scared of storms?” Lexa asked with her voice soft, barely above a whisper.

Clarke's hands stilled, the only response that showed Lexa that Clarke had heard the question but the silence stretched for some time.

“That dinner was interesting,” Clarke murmured.

Lexa huffed out a laugh, “Interesting? That's...one way to describe it.”

They shared a laugh, the atmosphere getting lighter. But Lexa wanted to apologize.

“I'm sorry that Costia treated you like that,” Lexa paused, “It was...awkward and she shouldn't have.”

“I'm just a student to her,” Clarke shrugged it off with an air of nonchalance.

“Not to me.”

Lexa's teeth found her bottom lip, unsure if her whispered confession was welcome or if it would ruin the moment they found themselves in. But Clarke's eyes met hers, a brilliant smile on the blonde's face.

“I'd hope not,” Clarke giggled, “I don't think face sitting is on the syllabus.”

“Clarke!” Lexa hissed, scolding but Clarke's laugh was just too contagious and they both dissolved, into giggles.

They ended up with their eyes locked, matching grins on their faces. The moment only fading when a boom of thunder sounded, causing Clarke to whimper as her body shook. Lexa bit her lip, watching the last tremble leave Clarke's fingers as the blonde turned to her again. Taking a moment to gather herself before shooting Lexa a smile.

“I'm mad at you, by the way,” Clarke stated, tone teasing and eyebrow arched.

“Why?” Lexa laughed, nudging her shoulder against Clarke's.

“You didn't tell me about your books. I could've gotten you to read the dirty bits while you were getting me off.”

Lexa's eyebrows shot up in surprise. She observed Clarke's face for half a second before their eyes caught and they simultaneously burst out laughing.

“You're terrible,” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke stuck out her tongue, “Whatever, you love me.”

The words hit both of them like a bucket of cold water, sobering them instantly from their laughter. The awkward tension settling over them like a blanket. Lexa's eyes meeting the ceiling while Clarke fidgeted.

“I meant it...you love...it,” Clarke mumbled awkwardly, voice unsteady.

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded slowly, trying to appease and clear the atmosphere, “I love it.”

Another clap of thunder had Clarke gasping softly into the darkness. Lexa thought quickly, racking her brain for a distraction.

“So, Ranya?”

“Oh my God,” Clarke chuckled, “Raven's been complaining all week about having to spend 'two whole nights away from Anya's magical fingers'.”

Lexa would've laughed at Clarke imitating Raven's voice or the blonde's wiggling fingers. She would've if she weren't extremely busy making gagging noises and wrinkling her nose. Clarke kept giggling, shuffling until her side was lightly pressed into Lexa's front.

Lexa's gaze traced the profile of Clarke's face. The light blonde wisps of hair tickling her forehead and cheeks. Her eyebrows just a few shades darker. Her pale skin smooth and clear. Her blue eyes light and dancing. Her nose, that Lexa found so cute. Her pouty lips that Lexa had memorized the taste of. The jolt that went through Clarke's entire body at the next hit of thunder.

“Why are you scared of thunder, Clarke?” Lexa whispered softly.

For a long moment there was only silence. And when Clarke turned away from her, pressing her back into Lexa's front, Lexa thought that Clarke wasn't going to answer. But the blonde let out a long, baited breath.

“My dad...” Clarke mumbled into the darkness, her voice cracking with emotion, “There was a storm...when he...”

Died. Lexa knew, Clarke didn't need to say it. There was a pregnant pause before Clarke gasped a quiet sob.

“It was my fault.”

The words were spoken with such pain, such remorse that they brought tears to Lexa's eyes.

“Clarke-”

“No,” Clarke cut her off quickly, “Don't...don't say anything, just...”

Hold me. Lexa didn't need Clarke to say that either. She just gently pulled the sobbing girl further into her arms and held her. Letting Clarke cry and helping her ride it out.

She'd help Clarke ride out any storms, literal or metaphorical.

Chapter Text

19. Camp Mount Weather Part I: Dora

Waking up with Clarke sprawled across her chest – blonde hair in her mouth, knee awkwardly lodged in her hip – was an absolute dream...

...for about a minute and a half. Until her senses came back to her and Clarke woke up. Clarke extracting herself from Lexa quickly and with out making any eye contact. Leaving the room and a feeling of disappointment settling in Lexa's chest.

Lexa recognized the pattern, she understood it. When Clarke felt too close, she pushed Lexa away and Lexa got it. Sharing about her father's death was beyond personal so Lexa couldn't blame her for fleeing.

But it wasn't exactly easy for Lexa either. The roller coaster of Clarke Griffin's emotions took it's toll on Lexa too. This hot and cold act. Only, it wasn't an act. Lexa knew that Clarke genuinely had issues that made it difficult for her to be open. She knew it had absolutely nothing to do with her and absolutely everything to do with Clarke. Still, she wished that Clarke could feel secure enough with her not to push her away.

Luckily, nothing was going to dampen Raven's spirits that day. Her 'camping mood' so eager that Lexa didn't even try to suppress her laughter. Raven really did bring up their group average in the enthusiasm department. And the 'Raven Reyes camping experience', as Raven named it, was apparently quite the ordeal. Compared to Raven's attire – wind proof jacket, Doc Martens, army pants, hiking rucksack and head torch – Lexa felt under dressed in her jeans and casual T.

And judging by the dirty looks Raven sent her as they gathered by the front door, waiting for Clarke to emerge from her bedroom, Raven thought she was ill prepared too. Clarke, however, had no such reservations when she sluggishly appeared. Clad in comfy pajama pants and Lexa's old Ton DC soccer club hoodie, hair un-brushed and sleepy look on her face. She met their amused expressions with an unimpressed raise of her eyebrow.

“What? It's early.”

“Seriously, Clarke?” Raven groaned, “Socks and flip-flops? That's so wrong!”

Lexa, having not noticed what was on the blonde's feet before now, let out a hearty chuckle. Because Clarke, was indeed, wearing fluffy socks and flip flops.

Clarke only narrowed her eyes and let out a huff, levelling Raven with a glare and gesturing towards her cousin outfit, “Says you.”

“What?” Raven scoffed, “It's called being prepared, I'm like one of those adventurers or something. Like Scott of the Antarctic or Indiana Jones.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, completely unimpressed, “Your more like Dora the Explorer.”

“That's racist!” Raven argued, sending a look of pure betrayal towards Lexa when she laughed at Clarke's statement.

Clarke shrugged nonchalantly, “She's Latina.”

“Not all Latina's are the same, Clarke.”

“Whatever,” Clarke grumbled, “Can we just go?”

- - - - - - - - - -

The bus ride to Mount Weather was much as Lexa expected it to be. Small, uncomfortable seats. A bunch of grumpy teenagers that were making it clear they hadn't wanted to pull themselves out of bed this morning. And a chilly draft that just wouldn't go away no matter how careful one's blanket placement was. She was, however, glad that she was sharing the bus ride with Raven. Costia and the other teacher chaperone, Maya Vie, opting to supervise the second bus load.

Lexa had slept most of the way there, just like everyone else. Only to wince at the pain spreading from her neck to her shoulder, punishing her for falling asleep at such an awkward angle when she woke up. She squinted at Raven, rubbing the side of her neck for some relief, “We there yet?”

“Nah,” Raven shrugged, throwing a few pieces of popcorn into her mouth, “'Bout ten minutes out. Those fuckers woke you up with their crappy singing, talk about some kumbaya shit.”

Lexa glanced behind their seats in the direction that Raven was jerking her thumb. First clocking Clarke – who was sitting behind them with Octavia, the pair sharing headphones and huddled together under a blanket while their attention focused on Clarke's phone – and then glancing over the rest of the students. Students that were coming together in an off key chorus of '99 Bottles of Pop'.

“Ugh,” Lexa groaned, turning back to Raven and scrubbing a hand down her face, “I shouldn't of slept.”

“I know what you mean,” Raven chuckled, “Clarkey is the same. Loves her sleep but try to wake her up when she isn't absolutely ready and you get a raging bitch on your hands.”

“I heard that!” Came Clarke's, clearly irritated, voice from behind them and causing Lexa to hide her giggle.

Raven leant up in order to see her cousin over the back of seats, popcorn falling from her mouth as she spoke, “Well I wasn't exactly whispering now, was I?!”

And there was no way Lexa could stifle this laugh. Between Clarke's narrowed eyes and the popcorn spewing from between Raven's lips, the pair looked comical.

“Anyway,” Raven continued with an indignant huff, “I am not looking forward to sharing a tent with you, you snore like a trucker.”

“I do not!” Lexa protested, cheeks dusting pink.

She'd heard that before. A few ex girlfriends. Once from Anya, waking her up by jabbing her in the ribs and then stating it as if Anya thought she had any control over her sleeping state. And once from Clarke, while they were encased in warm sheets. Spoken softly between a kiss and a giggle. A teasing lilt to the blonde's tone as she called Lexa's snoring 'cute'.

“Ya, you do,” Raven scoffed, “I'll feel sorry for Costia when you finally bone her. She won't get any sleep and not in a good way.”

“Raven!” Lexa hissed, taking a quick glance at the surrounding students.

Thankfully no one had heard but her eyes found Clarke for a second too long, blue eyes meeting hers before the blonde's attention was back on her phone. She couldn't pretend that it didn't hurt slightly, Clarke's expression showing nothing but coldness towards her. She missed Clarke's smiles, even if she'd been on the receiving end of one only the night before. The cool distance was to be expected though, after Clarke being so vulnerable with her the night before, she supposed.

Her mood didn't have a chance to sour along with Clarke's, however, because a moment later, Raven's fingernails were digging painfully into her arm as the brunette practically bounced in her seat and excitedly pointed to a Camp Mount Weather sign out of the window.

“Rae,” Clarke said flatly, spinning her phone to show Raven the screen, “Dora is ethnically ambiguous and has been developed to be pan-Latina in order to represent the diversity of all Latino culture. I looked it up.”

“Yeah?” Raven grumbled, very much the sore loser, “Well, your face looks puffy in the morning.”

- - - - - - - - -

Camp Mount Weather wasn't as impressive as Lexa thought it would be.

She remembered camping trips from her childhood. Each place having unique and amazing features. Lakes with waterfalls and pontoons, woodland walks, tree houses and hikes that led to surreal views. The camp sites themselves always busy and bustling with happy campers, filling the air with laughter and chatter. Stone fire pits, the smell of barbecue food twenty four seven and always some sort of bathing and bathroom facilities.

This, however, was a field.

An empty field.

Still, watching Raven climb off the bus and survey her surroundings in her Dora the Explorer get up, was mildly amusing. And Raven deciding that her major role in the whole 'setting up camp thing' was to be a self declared 'supervisor', was also quite funny. Especially because being a supervisor apparently consisted of parading around in her camping outfit, drinking coffee out of her specially packed thermos and occasionally shouting orders at people that had exactly zero association with the task they were doing.

Lexa, having given up on assembling their tent after realizing that her skills were rather lacking in that area, sidled up beside Raven where the Latina was observing Clarke and Bellamy putting up one of the tents that Octavia had brought for her and her friends.

“Having fun, Dora?” Lexa quipped, hip checking her friend.

A snort of a laugh left Raven, “Alright, squid. You got our tent set up yet?”

Lexa huffed, looking over at the heap of polls and material that Raven had told her to set up 'as far away from the rug rats as possible', “Not exactly, maybe Clarke and Bellamy could help? They seem to know what they're doing.”

And it was true. Bellamy and Clarke, after already setting up three tents, had proven themselves as real professionals. Lexa's thoughts trailed off as Clarke bent over, pajama pants stretching across her ass and making the generous curves look even better. Lexa licked her lips, eyes narrowing in on the affix of Clarke's thighs. The images of Clarke in that very position, minus the pajama pants, made Lexa want to bury her face between the blonde's legs.

“Might wanna hydrate yourself, buddy,” Raven patted Lexa on the back, “Before Costia turns up to find your eyes glues to Clarke's ass.”

Lexa scowled, tearing her eyes away from the tight material and supple flesh, “I'm not thirsty, Raven. I'm just helping you supervise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Raven chuckled, “I'll get Clarke to put our tent up as a punishment for think pajamas are an appropriate choice of clothing for camping.”

“We can't all be pro campers like you, Dora,” Lexa smirked.

“Whatever,” Raven sneered, “Make fun of me all you want but both of you bitches are going to be sorry when you aren't prepared and I am.”

Lexa's smirk only widened, “I'll be sure to let you know the moment I regret my lack of preparation so that you can say I told you so.”

It earnt her a smack on the arm but the laugh that followed was worth it.

- - - - - - - - - -

The bus consisting of Costia, Maya and the other students had long since arrived and everyone had set up camp. To Lexa's surprise, Costia hadn't insisted on assembling her tent near to Lexa's and instead set up camp with Maya on the opposite side of the field, trying to keep the students between them. Raven, of course, though that was a great idea because apparently it allowed them to have a 'tent party' later, whatever that meant. And now, with the students naturally falling into their social circles, chatting and messing around after a job well done of getting the camp in order, Costia and Maya volunteered to dish out the pre packed sandwiches they'd stocked up on, on the way.

So Lexa found herself sprawled out in one of the only two camp chairs that anyone thought to bring. A luxury she was sure she'd regret if Raven's insistent smug smiles had anything to do with it. She was never going to hear the end of it, in fact, because they were Raven's camp chairs. Still, at least she was comfy.

The smile spreading across Lexa's face was inevitable as she watched Clarke messing around with some of her friends. One of them had brought water guns with them and Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln seemed to have teamed up against Clarke. She watched as Clarke's attempt to run behind a tent turned into an ambush, Lincoln grabbing her around the waist and lifting her into the air while Octavia ran up to dump the contents of a water bottle all over Clarke with a grin. Clarke screeching and Bellamy laughing as he used her capture as a chance to refill the guns.

“Clarkey's back.”

Lexa could hear the grin in Raven's voice as her friend joined her in the other camp chair, handing Lexa one of the plates she was carrying. Raven leant back into the chair with a grin. Lexa smiled.

“She's happy.”

“She's...getting there,” Raven said, shrugging a shoulder, “She's still feeling rocky but she's on her way back to us.”

Lexa's gaze wandered back to the blonde. Clarke, thinking she was in the clear, looked triumphant until Bellamy was behind her, pouring water down the back of her shirt with a laugh.

“It feels so good to see her smiling,” Lexa mused softly before another thought came into her head, “What happened with her antidepressants? Did you talk to her mom?”

“Eh...it's a little fucked,” Raven squinted at her, “Yeah, I did talk to Mrs G but she isn't going to change her mind.”

Lexa deflated slightly, “Maybe...what if I could get some? I mean, if I went to the doctor and said I was feeling down then maybe...”

She trailed off after meeting Raven's amused expression.

“You want to lie to your doctor, Lex?” Raven raised a teasing eyebrow, “Damn, maybe that girl really does have a magic cu-”

“Raven!” Lexa cut her off with a blush.

“Relax,” Raven chuckled, “And don't go purchasing yourself an orange jump suit just yet, Clarke's still taking what she needs, we're just getting it on the down low.”

Lexa frowned. She didn't know what getting antidepressants on the down low meant exactly. But she wasn't going to question it. She was glad that Clarke wasn't going to be without. She'd avoided thinking about it, mostly because of the amount of anger she held for Clarke's mom. How Clarke's mom, a doctor no less, could think for a second that it was okay to deny someone antidepressant medication was beyond her. Lexa wasn't even close to being a doctor but she knew that antidepressants weren't to be trifled with. She understood that brain chemicals were incredibly sensitive and that quitting cold turkey could have a severely negative impact on one's mental health. And, terrifyingly, she was also aware that suicide rates sky rocketed for people who did. So knowing that Clarke's doctor mom could treat such an important thing with such little care...she didn't even want to go there.

She shook the thoughts from her head before they could spiral and accepted Raven's offered thermos with a questioning gaze. Unaware that she was about to embark of drinking the most disgusting liquid she'd ever come across, she was ill prepared and immediately choked on what she thought was probably vinegar.

As it turned out, it was wine. The absolute cheapest wine that Lexa has ever tasted. It came in a God damn box, it was that cheap. And as Raven made a dramatic show of taking sneaky sips of the disgusting alcohol, Lexa observed her with a disgusted and unimpressed expression that made Raven scoff.

“C'mon, Lex,” Raven groaned, “If you don't join in with this then I'm just casually day drinking in a field full of seventeen year olds, and that's just sad.”

Lexa chuckled, “Everyone has to have a hobby, Dora.”

“Fuck off” Raven gasped in mock outrage, “If my hobby is day drinking then yours is staring at Clarke's tatas.”

Lexa almost choked on her water, especially when Costia and Maya – presumably having completed their task – came to sit by them, settling into the grass with their own plates. Costia shooting Lexa a soft smile.

“What are we talking about?” Costia asked cheerily.

Lexa shot Raven a warning glance, making the Latina snigger, “We were just talking about-”

“Hobbies,” Raven interjected with a shit eating grin.

“Oh,” Costia laughed, “And what are Lexa's?”

Lexa narrowed her eyes at Raven, desperately trying to telepathically communicate, threaten.

Don't. Don't you fucking-

“Tits,” Raven grinned bluntly, making Maya giggle but Costia go wide eyed.

“Actually,” Lexa said, sending Raven her best glare, “We were discussing the cheese in these sandwiches. Raven likes the cheddar but I'm more of a pepper jack kind of girl myself.”

“Seriously, Lexa?” Raven scoffed, raising an unimpressed eyebrow, “Don't be so fucking cheese-ist. Cheese is fucking cheese.”

A grin rose to Lexa's face, “Cheese fucking cheese? Wouldn't that be ch-incest?”

Raven appraised her for a second while her mind filled in the gaps and a laugh bubbled from her throat, shaking her head in fondness, “You're ridiculous. This is exactly why I love you.”

Their laughter was cut off by the sound of Finn's voice, all of their attention getting pulled to the boy walking passed Clarke where the blonde was sitting with her group of friends, his words directed at the blonde in a sneer.

“Looks like you're spreading rumors now instead of your legs.”

The laughter from Clarke's friend group was gone in an instant, the atmosphere turning serious. And as Finn slinked off into the trees that surrounded the field there was a pregnant pause, everyone seemed to be holding their breath as they waited for Clarke's reaction. It came in the form of Clarke getting up and walking away, heading in the same direction that Finn had disappeared.

“Should we do something?” Costia whispered but Lexa was too focused on Clarke's retreating form to be paying any attention.

“Lexa will go get her,” Raven called out and it was only then that Lexa realized Octavia had gotten up to follow her friend.

The younger Blake sibling sending Lexa a rather pointed look 'look after her', which she met with a nod of recognition 'I will'. And she shoved her plate into Raven's waiting hands before taking off after the blonde.

As it turned out. Finding someone in a wood that you don't know, when they probably don't want to be found...wasn't as easy as Lexa had first anticipated. She'd been searching for a good ten minutes before she found anything. And it wasn't Clarke's voice that she heard through the trees, but Finn's.

“Not so tough now, are you?” He snarled, “Without your friend to protect you.”

“I know your preference is fucking other people,” Clarke spat, “But why don't you go fuck yourself for a change?”

“Fuck off, Clarke,” Finn bit back, “I know you want it, I know you missed me.”

A sense of panic washed over Lexa as she stepped quickly towards the pair, that panic doubling when they came into view. Finn pinning Clarke up against a tree, leg wedged between hers and his hand trying to make it's way up her shirt. Clarke's expression murderous as she fought the hand to keep it at bay.

“C'mon, Clarke,” Finn's acidic tone flit through the air, “Let me fuck you.”

“Get off me,” Clarke hissed, voice dangerous.

Finn let out a cruel laugh, “You think anyone else will want you? You're damaged goods.”

Lexa had heard enough. But, apparently, so had Clarke. All thoughts of rushing in and saving Clarke from this vile boy were completely forgotten. Replaced by 'Clarke Griffin can, without a doubt, take care of herself' as Clarke's knee made swift contact with Finn's groin. The boy letting out the most high pitched cry of pain that Lexa had ever heard, slumping back and clutching himself between the legs only to find his nose making contact with Clarke's heftily swung fist. The audible crack made Lexa wince as well as rush forwards and grab Clarke around the waist as soon as it was physically possible. For Finn's safety and nothing else.

And all Lexa could do was stare, wide eyed as Clarke panted angrily in her arms and Finn howled in pain, on his knees. Blood gushing from his nose.

“Holy shit,” Lexa breathed out, tightening her arms.

Luckily for everyone, Lincoln appeared out of no where. And Lexa silently thanked the Gods because she honestly had no idea where to go from here. It was Lincoln that pulled Finn to his feet as the injured boy let out a yelping sound.

Lincoln turned to her with a soft expression, “I'll take him to see Miss Reyes, yeah?”

Lexa just nodded dumbly, firstly because she thought that might have been the first time she'd ever heard Lincoln speak and secondly, she still had no idea where to go from here.

Soon enough Lincoln had pulled Finn away and it was just Lexa and Clarke. Lexa still holding onto Clarke firmly from behind and Clarke's panting, the only sound filling the air until Lexa spoke.

“Why do I always have to be the one to split up your cage fighting?”

It earnt her a laugh, Clarke, still high on adrenaline turning her head to Lexa with a smirk, “Do you want to be the one with the vaginal rash instead?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa felt bad that Maya had to cut her trip short to take Finn to the hospital, where his parents would meet them. Lexa had offered but Maya had insisted. Later, Raven explained that Maya actually had a toddler at home and was reluctant to leave her son in the first place. And Lexa only laughed a tiny bit when Maya text Costia to inform her that Finn's nose was indeed, broken. Lexa felt good, however, that Clarke seemed to be speaking to her again. Even if the blonde sent her a flirty wink as she subtly high fived Raven when the Latina shot her a proud smile upon their return.

Still, she was glad that Clarke seemed more comfortable with her. She'd take Clarke Griffin, seductress extraordinaire over Clarke Griffin, she may stab you in your sleep, any day.

It didn't take long for dusk to fall and everyone seemed to have forgotten about the Finn incident, for now at least. The students didn't need much supervising so that gave Lexa and Costia the opportunity to relax together next to a lantern, idly chatting.

Costia gave her a soft smile, leaning ever so slightly closer, Lexa's eyes roaming her face as she asked, “Do you think anyone would notice if I kissed you?”

Lexa blushed, her own smile spreading as she shook her head no.

Costia's teeth shined white as she spoke in hushed tones, “I've been thinking about kissing you all day.”

“You have?” Lexa's eyebrows shot to her hair line in surprise, Costia had acted nothing but professional all day. She never would've guessed that Costia had been thinking about her at all.

But Costia simply nodded, hair falling into her face, “The question is, would you kiss me back?”

Lexa grinned, eyes flitting to Costia's lips, “I guess you'll have to kiss me and find out.”

Lexa's repeated words, coupled with her teasing tone, making them both laugh. Only stopping when their mouths clashed. Lexa slid her fingers into soft hair, tilting Costia's face up for better access. The kiss was sweet, and innocent in a romantic way. And just as Lexa's tongue brushed lightly against Costia's lower lip, they were abruptly separated by an obnoxious sound.

“Careful, Lex or you'll get her pregnant.”

Lexa blushed, levelling Raven with a glare but the Latina just grinned wider.

“Actually, Raven. I wanted to talk to you,” Costia said politely, once Raven was settled on the floor with them, “I don't want to alarm you but I think Clarke may be drinking alcohol.”

Lexa's eyes widened and she had to dig her fingernails into her thighs to stop herself from laughing, especially as Raven subtly nudged her thermos out of sight.

“What makes you think that?” Raven asked carefully.

“She's gone into her tent twice now to refill her water bottle,” Costia nodded towards Clarke, who was sprawled out on the grass with her friends, Octavia cuddled close, “And she's been sharing it around.”

Lexa wasn't sure whether she should be shocked, that Costia was paying close enough attention to Clarke to know she'd refilled her water her bottle twice. Or amused because Costia was taking it so seriously. In the end Raven made the decision for her.

“That bitch!” Raven gasped in mock outrage, forcing Lexa to bite her tongue in order to hold in her laughter.

Costia's eyes widened at Raven's words, “I don't know if...I, well...I think we should check.”

“Don't worry, Cos,” Raven said sternly, patting her on the shoulder, “That bitch is beyond grounded.”

Costia excusing herself quickly, with a polite nod to Raven and an uneasy smile for Lexa, was Lexa's cue to laugh.

“Do you think Clarke's got better booze than us?” Raven asked, voice low.

Lexa laughed harder, rolling her eyes, “Raven, everyone's got better booze than us.”

“You know what that means?” Raven wiggled her eyebrows, “What comes before part B?”

Lexa squinted in confusion, “Part A?”

Lexa face palmed with a groan the moment she realized what she'd said and Raven's grin widened.

“Part-aayyy! Hell yeah!” Raven laughed before her voice took on a more serious tone, “More specifically, a tent party.”

Lexa's eyes widened at the mention of this dreaded 'tent party'. Lexa had absolutely no idea what a tent party even was, nor did she know if she wanted to attend one.

But there she was, half an hour later – after Raven was sure that Costia would be tucked safety away in her tent, hopefully asleep – and Raven had shoved some pajamas into her face, telling her to 'get in the tent party spirit'. And then Raven had pulled out a camping table – yes, Raven had actually brought a camping table – and thrown a deck of cards onto it. Lexa, freshly pajama clad, had watched this unfold from her bed – and by bed, she meant sleeping bag – before Raven pulled up the flap-door on their tent to allow Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia and Niylah file in. Situating themselves around the table as Raven and Clarke took the chairs. Raven, because they were 'her fucking chairs'. And Clarke, because the were 'her cousins fucking chairs'. And that brought them to an overly intense game of poker, which Clarke kept winning as everyone got steadily more intoxicated.

Clarke, as it turned out, had brought two bottles of vodka and one of tequila. As soon as Raven had clocked the tequila she'd gone comically wide eyed and assigned Lexa to 'Clarke duty', because apparently Clarke was a 'bitch on tequila'. Raven had no such reservations for herself though, as she traded in her boxed wine for a bottle of vodka.

So the night went on. Everyone tipsy and giggling, and the poker lasting until everyone had gotten a chance to win. Although it was Clarke who won the most, it seemed she was on a roll. And how she managed it while being visibly a lot drunker than anyone else and while still shooting her flirty smiles, was beyond her.

It was Niylah that was all over Clarke though. Wrapping Clarke up in her arms, pushing blonde locks out of Clarke's face, possessive hands clutching at Clarke's hips. It irked Lexa somewhat, but only because she knew that Niylah was taking advantage of Clarke's foggy, alcohol soaked, brain. Clarke liked to be touched, anyone that knew her, knew that but they also knew that Clarke wasn't interested in Niylah, not like that.

Still, Lexa knew that Clarke could look after herself – she'd re-learnt that lesson recently enough for it to be fresh in her mind – and if that failed, Octavia's narrowed and unfriendly eyes being directed at Niylah every time the girl got overly friendly, certainly put her at ease.

It was Raven that was beyond annoyed. She'd decided to try and compete against Clarke at every turn and with Clarke's winning streak, the blonde just couldn't lose. And Raven couldn't let it go. After a while of their bickering everyone else had taken a back seat, fed up with the cousins' antics. Lexa found herself next to Bellamy as they watched the drama unfold as Clarke's friends let out 'oohs' and 'aahs' at the appropriate times.

“S.T.L me, baby,” Clarke pointed towards Octavia and was met with a huff.

“We're out of lime.”

Clarke shrugged, “Then just T me, I guess.”

“Clarke! Are we going to play or not?” Raven grumbled.

Clarke shuffled the deck as soon as she'd swallowed down the tequila with barely a wince. Her smirk, lazier than usual, thanks to the alcohol but still firmly in place as she raised an eyebrow in challenge, “If you really want a chance of winning against me then how about we go old school on this bitch?”

There was a stilted pause as Raven's eyes widened, tone shocked, “You don't mean...”

“Lets play Go Fish,” Clarke emphasized the words as if they were dangerous, making Raven gasp.

“Shits about to get real,” Raven whispered out.

And then they were dealing the cards, leaving Lexa utterly dumbfounded while Octavia rolled her eyes, Bellamy shifted uncomfortably and Niylah hung on the back of Clarke's chair, giggling flirtatiously.

“You are so on, blondie,” Raven grinned, looking down at her cards in triumph.

Lexa wondered where Raven's lack of a poker face was when they were actually playing poker. Maybe if Raven was that easy to read then, then Lexa wouldn't have been forced to hand over her extra blanket

Clarke was more subtle, observing her cards with narrowed eyes and only as small smile, even if it was smug. The pink, alcohol induced, flush on her cheeks something Lexa found herself smiling at.

“You're going down, Rae,” Clarke bit back confidently.

Bellamy shifted towards Lexa, talking low enough for only her to catch it, “Is this them trying to trash talk?”

“Going down is more your style, Clarkey Clarke,” Raven sneered.

“Yes,” Lexa whispered back to Bellamy, amusement coloring her tone, “I think so.”

“I feel sorry for them,” Bellamy chuckled, making Lexa grin.

“You're going down,” Clarke paused for dramatic effect, “Like you went down on Kyle Wick.”

A series of 'oohs' left their audience as Raven scowled.

“You've gone down more times than the sun!”

Clarke pursed her lips, seemingly unaffected by the insult, “I don't go down for just anyone.”

The emphasis coupled with the teasing look on Clarke's face made it clear that she was still taking a dig at Kyle Wick, but she managed to tear her eyes away from her cousin just to give Lexa a sexy wink. Flooding Lexa's mind with memories of blue eyes looking up at her from between her spread thighs and a skilled tongue driving her towards ecstasy.

“You're mighty cocky for a lesbian,” Raven jabbed back.

Clarke looked completely unimpressed, “I'm bisexual.”

Raven laughed, “You're going to be bi-yourself when you lose this game.”

“Damn, sick burn,” Bellamy smiled at Raven condescendingly, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

Lexa's hand made it's way to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

“Hell yeah!” Raven fist pumped the air at the faux compliment, completely unaffected by Bellamy's blatant sarcasm, “Lexa, drive this bitch to the drug store for some aloe for that burn!”

“Seriously, guys?” Octavia piped up from her previously silent and bored, arm crossed stance, “This trash talk is embarrassing.”

“That's not what your momma said last night!” Raven roared at the younger Blake sibling, shit eating grin planted on her face.

“Your momma jokes? Really? Are you twelve?” Octavia scoffed, “And that didn't even make any sense, Reyes.”

“Just like your momma didn't make any sense last night 'cause I was railing her so hard!” Clarke yelled, slurring her words in her effort to get them out quicker, “Boom! That's how it's done!”

“Hell yeah, Clarke!” Raven laughed, leaning over for a clumsy high five.

“Boom?” Octavia repeated, looking thoroughly unimpressed, “Boom? Really, Clarke? Can you guys just stop? You aren't even playing!”

“Fine,” Clarke chuckled, waving a conceding hand in the air before focusing on her cousin, “Rae, have you got any threes?”

Raven observed her cards stoically, the tension building with every second until she levelled Clarke with a challenging glare, “Go fish, bitch!”

- - - - - - - - - -

Two hours later – the intense game of Go Fish long since abandoned after Clarke got a little rowdy and Raven had declared Clarke to be in a way too 'tequila bitch mood' to play with – everything was winding down. Bellamy had found himself snuggled up with Raven on Lexa's sleeping bag, yawning away. Lexa and Octavia, having commandeered the camping chairs, idly playing a game of snap that neither one of them were paying any attention to. And Clarke and Niylah were swaying to the music that was playing quietly on Raven's phone.

It was Octavia that demanded Lexa's attention when her sharpened gaze fixed on the dancing pair. Lexa following it to see Niylah's hands firmly palming Clarke's ass as she talked lowly into Clarke's ear. Clarke, barely sober enough to hold herself up, clinging to Niylah's shoulders and tilting her head to the side to accommodate Niylah's face hovering near her neck. Lexa leant forwards, straining to hear Niylah's words.

“I can make you feel good, Clarke.”

“I know,” Clarke groaned, her reply slurred.

“Then let me take you back to my tent.”

“No,” Clarke mumbled half heartedly, “I'm just sad.”

Lexa was saved hearing whatever, no doubt sleazy, reply Niylah was going to say by Octavia.

“Hey, Niy?” She called out, gaining Niylah's attention, “Need me to walk you back?”

Niylah's gaze turned confused, “What?”

“To that friend zone you're trying to escape from,” Octavia bit back, making Niylah glare.

“Clarke and I are none of your business-”

“Lexie,” Clarke grumbled, cutting Niylah off.

Niylah looked at the girl in her arms with surprise before her glare fixed on Lexa. But Lexa didn't pay her any attention, instead focusing on Clarke. The blonde reached for her and fell into her arms as soon as Lexa was standing. And Lexa mildly panicked, worried what Clarke would do in front of Niylah. But Clarke just blinked up at her, swaying unsteadily until Lexa's arms tightened around her waist.

“Lex, I feel sick,” Clarke groaned, breath fanning over Lexa's face and Lexa could practically taste the alcohol.

“Okay, let's get you outside,” Lexa spoke softly, the kind of kindness in her tone reserved only for loved ones.

She helped Clarke out of the tent and over to the trees, holding soft, blonde hair back as Clarke violently emptied the contents of her stomach into a bush. She noticed, as she rubbed Clarke's back, that Clarke's friends had left Raven's tent to find their own.

“Lex,” Clarke drew her attention, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand before standing upright and gripping Lexa's forearms tight.

Lexa quickly moved to steady her with gentle hands on the blonde waist.

“Lex, I'm so sad,” Clarke mumbled, “I'm sad all the time.”

“I'm sorry,” Lexa said softly, pushing some of Clarke's hair back from her flushed face, “You deserve to be happy.”

“Why are you always so nice to me?” Clarke asked, eyes filled with confusion as she stared at Lexa, clearly more sober than she was only moments before, “I'm always so awful to you.”

Lexa smiled sadly, “You know why.”

Lexa whispered the words and Clarke observed her for only a moment before she nodded, eyes finding the floor.

“Why are you so hot and cold with me, Clarke?” Lexa asked carefully, leaving any judgment from her tone.

Blue met green. Clarke's eyes showing more vulnerability than Lexa had ever seen within them before, tears brimming. Clarke pulled in a shuddering breath.

“Because I can't stop thinking about you, Lexa,” Clarke confessed, voice full of desperation, “But I can't...not yet.”

The words sat heavily between them. For Clarke, a heavily guarded confession coming to light. For Lexa, a promise, a tentative flutter of hope settling within her. Neither of them daring, or willing, to drop their intense eye contact. But their moment was ruined by a rustle of leaves coming from the bushes.

Fear ran through Lexa, eyes darting around the trees, in the darkness. Hissing to Clarke in a whisper, “Clarke, what if it's a bear?”

“Don't be so ridiculous, Lexa,” Clarke hissed back but her hands tightening on Lexa's forearms told a different story.

Fear turned into confusion when the bushes parted to reveal not a bear, but Anya.

And Anya looked them up and down with distaste, expression utterly bored, “What?”

Lexa's mouth opened and closed as she spluttered, shocked at her sister's nonchalance and even more shocked at her sister's presence there in general.

“Anya!” Raven appeared from behind them, smiling wide at the new addition.

“What the fuck?” Lexa stared between them.

“Oh,” Raven's eye shifted to Lexa before she schooled her features, feigning confusion, “I mean, Anya? What are you doing here? Where I definitely didn't ask you to be? Did you remember to bring the rum?”

Clarke scoffed, dramatically rolling her eyes and Lexa couldn't of said it better herself, “And you call your sister whipped. I'm going to bed.”

Lexa couldn't help but to smile as Clarke made her retreat, “You invited my sister then.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Raven said smugly, throwing her arm around Anya's shoulders.

“You and Clarke looked awfully cosy,” Anya observed, drawing a chuckle from Raven as the pair levelled Lexa with equally teasing looks.

“Ooh, are ya gonna follow her back to her tent?” Raven wiggled her eyebrows.

Lexa frowned, “You told me to take care of her!”

“I bet you're going to take care of her fine ass,” Anya grinned.

Raven let out a loud cackle, clearly enjoying Lexa's scowling, “You better make sure Clarke keeps it down though, Clarke is loud and Costia is only a field away.”

“Who's Costia?” Anya asked.

Raven grinned, “I caught them kissing earlier.”

“Lex and Costia or Lex and Clarke?” Anya raised an eyebrow.

“Costia, obviously Costia,” Lexa butted in with an eye roll.

“Or...Clarke?” Raven teased, tilting her head to the side.

“I'm dating Cl- Costia!” Lexa groaned, knowing she'd never hear the end of it after her slip up, “I'm dating Costia.”

“Sure you are, squid,” Anya laughed.

“Anyway,” Raven said, catching their attention, “It's late, so we're going back to the hotel. Cover for me.”

Confusion and irritation rose within Lexa, “What?! Hang on, if you were going to sleep in a hotel when what the fuck was all that Indiana shit about?”

Raven shrugged, grabbing Anya by the hand and making her way for the woods.

“For fuck sake,” Lexa grumbled, heading to their, her, tent. Only turning back to shout at their retreating forms, “I'm taking back my blanket, Dora!”

“Hey, Lex?” She heard Raven call out in reply, voice echoing through the trees, “Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in-tents!”

Chapter Text

20. Camp Mount Weather Part II: S'more?

“What's wrong with the wonder bra?” Anya asked.

And it was true. Clarke was feeling a little unwell after last night. The camp was pretty subdued in all, Lexa suspected that theirs wasn't the only 'tent party' to have commenced last night. So as the sun came up and people emerged sleepily from their tents, there was no haste. Raven and Anya had arrived early, waking Lexa up to come and sit by the fire that they'd lit for breakfast s'mores. Clarke, after leaving her friends to sleep in, had crawled over to Raven's fire pit with her sleeping bag still around her waist and passed out in the grass, throwing an arm over her grubby face to block out the rising sun. There was something nice about it being back to the four of them, something settling.

“Bitch be hangin',” Raven chuckled.

“Hangovers are for the weak,” Anya rolled her eyes.

A groan sounded from the mess of blonde hair that was Clarke, “Fuck off, Ranya!”

Anya's eyes narrowed, “What the fuck is a Ranya?”

Raven scoffed, “Raven and Anya? Ranya.”

Anya's eyes only narrowed further, “Well, then fuck off, Claven.”

“Dude!” Raven scolded, expression turning mock serious, “Clarke's sensitive about that, she caught it last year.”

Lexa laughed, earning herself a kick in the shin from Clarke's sleeping bag clad foot.

“Are you missing the baby, Lex?” Anya asked after a moment.

A soft smile came to Lexa's face as she nodded. Of course she missed Madison. She missed Madison every second she was away from her.

“That thing is seriously the cutest but I think it's a defective one,” Anya continued.

“Please never have children,” Lexa sighed with a chuckle.

“What?” Anya scoffed, “Why?”

“Because you call them defective,” Lexa dead panned flatly.

“I wouldn't call mine that,” Anya rolled her eyes, “Mine wouldn't be defective.”

Raven chuckled at the sisters, “Why is that one defective?”

“She isn't!” Lexa piped up, “She's just going through a phase and Ahn thinks it's a little weird.”

“What kind of phase?” Raven asked skeptically, eyes sparkling.

“A naked phase,” Anya said bluntly.

“Oh, don't worry about that,” Raven laughed with a dismissive wave of her hand, “Clarke had a naked phase too. For a whole year, no matter where you were, at some point you'd see Clarke legging it in her birthday suit with Mrs G chasing after her, all red faced and flustered.”

The sisters shared a look before they burst out laughing, the image as comical as Raven's story telling.

“I guess Clarke's defective too then,” Anya smirked.

Raven's expression turned teasing, “Say what you want about people, Ahn but let's not forget that time that you got owned by your mom.”

Anya's expression darkened as Lexa joined in with Raven's giggling. Their laughter only simmering upon the arrival of Costia. The teacher sending Lexa a smile as she settled into the grass and prompting Raven to start dishing out the breakfast s'mores after coaxing a grumpy Clarke from her slumber.

“You remember my sister?” Lexa nodded towards Anya.

“Anya, right?” Costia smiled, “It's nice to see you again.”

Anya raised a dubious eyebrow, giving Costia an unimpressed once over, “And you are?”

Lexa scowled and Costia faltered, “Uh...”

“Costia,” Lexa gave her sister a pointed look, “You've met her more than once.”

Anya's expression stayed in place and Lexa's scowl only deepened when she noticed Raven and Clarke trying to conceal their amusement.

Anya shrugged, “Costia? Nah, never met her before in my life.”

“Ahn,” Lexa hissed but Costia sent Lexa a reassuring smile and Lexa couldn't help but to be impressed by how easy going Costia was, most people would be pretty annoyed but Costia was the type to just shrug it off so she could shrug it off to. For now. Anya would get it later.

But for now all was well and a happy contentment came over them all as they dug into their breakfasts. Lexa, once dubious of the concept 'breakfast s'mores', let out an incredibly embarrassing – and sexual – sounding moan after her first bite.

“Jesus, Lex,” Raven chuckled, making Lexa's cheeks go even pinker, “Is that the noise you make when you come?”

“What? No!” Lexa argued, noticing Costia's eyes widen and Anya looking disgusted.

“Don't lie!” Raven prodded, “Clarkey, is that when Lexa sounds like?”

Time stood still. Lexa's heart in her throat. Everyone stared, shocked and wide eyed, at Raven while the Latina chuckled.

Raven, having finally caught on, frowned in confusion. Confused for a few seconds before she realized what she'd just said and who she'd just said it in front of.

“What?” Her expression morphed into innocence, “Clarke walked in on her masturbating one time.”

Lexa winced, taking a nervous glance at Costia to see if she was buying it. And by some miracle, she had. Lexa caught eyes with Clarke, sharing a look of relief.

“Mm, these are better than sex,” Raven decided to comment on the breakfast, as if the atmosphere wasn't awkward enough already.

Clarke let out a little giggle, eyes sparking with amusement, “You must be doing it wrong.”

And Lexa wished for the ground to swallow her up. Clarke's words not only making the situation more awkward but the husky lilt to her tone that Lexa knew was only brought on by sex or sleep, making Lexa's mind become a hot spot for pure filth, staring Clarke Griffin. So Lexa, trying to defuse the tension, did the first thing she could think of.

“Rae, can I have s'more?”

- - - - - - - - - -

It was Anya's idea to swim. Anya had noticed that there was a lake when no one else had, although why Anya was traipsing through the woods in the first place in order to stumble upon this lake was still a mystery. The only thing was, swimming meant bathing suits and Clarke and Raven in bathing suits apparently meant bikinis.

The cousins lingered by the waters edge, rubbing sunscreen into their legs while Lexa looked on with a dry mouth. Only blinking when she felt Anya's presence beside her.

“Holy damn,” Anya sighed, seemingly in the same predicament as Lexa, “Look at them.”

Lexa hummed her agreement. Holy damn indeed. Her eyes roamed over the fleshy tops that threatened to spill out of the turquoise bikini that Clarke was sporting, Lexa's gaze longing. Although, Anya also appreciating the soft curves seemed a little out of place. Unless...

“And by them you mean...?”

“Clarke's boobs.”

Lexa bobbed her head in a nod of acceptance. She couldn't blame her sister, Clarke's boobs were incredible and looked especially impressive under the tight fabric, “Thought so.”

“No, you idiot!” Anya gave her a light smack upside the head, “I mean Clarke and Raven. You do see Raven, right? Sitting right there? Next to Clarke? Killer body?”

A smile spread across Lexa's face, “Who's Raven?”

There was a pregnant pause before Anya laughed, nudging into Lexa's shoulder.

Clarke, as predicted, didn't quite get around to swimming. Instead opting for lounging around at the waters edge, trying to catch a tan. But everyone else did and the lake was soon filled with shrieks of laughter and loud splashes as everyone horsed around in the water.

Lexa felt the need to be close to Clarke like a gravitational pull. Her mind and body always seemed to be sensitive to Clarke's presence, her eyes always seeking the blonde out. Sometimes she fought it but today wasn't one of those times. She shook off the excess water and sat down next to the blonde. Clarke wrinkled her nose, pulling her sunglasses down her nose so that she could see Lexa more clearly.

“You smell like lake water.”

“I wonder why,” Lexa quipped, lips quirking. She took a moment to observe Clarke, admiring the way the light caught in those blue eyes before she let out a breath, “You've had a tough few days.”

Clarke's eyes searched Lexa's face for movement before she was shrugging one shoulder and letting out a sigh, “Not completely.”

Lexa had to take a moment to just admire Clarke's resilience. Clarke, who had felt so low that she'd skipped school and not come home just a few nights ago. Clarke, who's mom could barely show her a slither of compassion. Clarke, who had to put up with dick heads like Finn and Niylah trying to cop a feel. Clarke, who was shrugging it all off and still managing to smile.

“You're amazing,” Lexa smiled, “You know that?”

Clarke quirked an eyebrow, expression anything but serious as she leant into Lexa's space, “Amazing, huh? I thought I was damaged goods.”

Lexa laughed at the over exaggerated wink Clarke gave her, rolling her eyes as she nudged the blonde, “You aren't damaged goods, Clarke. And I was being serious, I really admire you.”

It put a crack in Clarke's happy, easy going persona, making Clarke's eyebrows knit as she observed Lexa carefully. Her words coming out small and soft, “You do?”

Lexa nodded, keeping eye contact to allow Clarke to unsuccessfully seek out any falseness in her words, “I do.”

Clarke swallowed thickly, an unreadable expression on her face, “Lexa...I-”

“Incoming, bitches!”

A second later and Clarke was squealing as Raven, who was soaking wet, sprawled across them. Lexa had to blink rapidly to rid herself of the serious moment, silently cussing Raven for interrupting and her brain working overtime as it tried to work out how Clarke's sentence could've possibly ended.

- - - - - - - - - -

“I think I could climb that.”

Lexa watched dubiously as Raven peered up at the large tree, presumably assessing it for climb-ability.

“Is this why you brought us out here?” Clarke grumbled.

While everyone else was getting dried off by the fires, Raven had summoned Lexa and Clarke into the trees. Both of them following her dutifully but so far, it wasn't paying off.

“I could definitely climb that.”

Lexa huffed, folding her arms across her chest in annoyance, “Then climb it.”

“Clarke,” Raven nudged her cousin's shoulder, “You climb it.”

“No!” Clarke spoke as if she'd just been insulted, looking at the tree with an accusatory eye.

“Lexa,” Raven turned to her next, patting her shoulder, “You're up.”

“What? No,” Lexa frowned, “I can't climb a tree.”

Raven hit her with a perplexed expression, “But...your last name is Woods.”

Lexa's eyes widened, “Your last name is Ray-es. Can you control the sun?”

“Or the stingrays?” Clarke chimed in.

Raven's frown just deepened, “How is that the same thing?”

“How is it not?” Lexa argued.

“We're in a wood,” Raven rolled her eyes, “We aren't on the sun and I don't see any stingrays around here either.”

“Wait, are you saying that you could control the sun if we were on it?” Lexa said incredulously.

Raven looked thoughtful for a moment before shrugging, “We'll never know.”

“That's it,” Clarke declared, “When we get beck home, we're heading straight to sea world.”

Raven had the decency to look slightly forlorn, even if she was grumbling 'brat' under her breath. It took several moments until Raven opened her mouth to speak up again but when she did Clarke beat her to it.

“I swear if you're about to say something about Griffins I will punch you!”

Raven looked thoroughly told off as she slowly shut her mouth and Clarke turned to Lexa.

“Can we just tie her to the damn tree and leave her here?”

Lexa laughed at the serious expression on the blondes face, “We'd miss her too much.”

“Speak for yourself,” Clarke rolled her eyes, sending Raven another glare, “C'mon, lets head back before Anya tries to introduce herself to Costia again.”

Lexa chuckled, nodding her agreement as they turned to head back. Raven trailing along behind them.

“I swear this is the last time I try to do anything outdoorsy with you two.”

- - - - - - - - - -

An impromptu game of soccer after dinner was exactly what Lexa needed. She silently thanked whoever it was that thought to bring a soccer ball. She silently apologized to them too, for Raven commandeering their ball.

Lexa was always good at soccer and it was a real passion of hers. Although she didn't play in any sort of capacity now, she'd been in the school soccer clubs from preschool, right up until high school graduation. She wasn't half bad either. And it wasn't just a game to her, it was a common interest that she shared with Aden too and the key to them bonding so well in the beginning. Aden was just a scrawny kid when Indra and Gustus adopted him and he'd stole Lexa's heart with his idolizing smile upon his realization that she played soccer too. And she'd taught him everything she knew about the game.

So she found herself standing a little way away from the ball, poised to run and steal it. Clarke, her completely unenthusiastic looking opponent, on the other side. Her hand planted on her cocked hip and a flat expression on her face as they waited for Raven – self declared referee – to signal for the game to start.

Lexa had a feeling that she could beat Clarke easily, this was her domain and Clarke wasn't exactly known for her athleticism. So Lexa resigned herself to play a less than stellar performance, wanting to go easy on the blonde. If Clarke set herself up for a shot then Lexa was going to let it in her assigned goal, between the two designated tents.

On Raven's whistle, Lexa started running. Determined to make Clarke work for it, even if just a little. Only when she reached the ball, there was no sign of Clarke. Glancing up, she saw the back of the blonde's form making a swift retreat.

“Clarke!” Raven called after her, “You're supposed to run towards the ball, not away from it!”

Lexa came to a stop next to Raven, both of them watching as Clarke disappeared from view, seemingly unaffected by Raven's shouting.

“Clarke!” Raven attempted once more before shrugging in defeat, “Ah, fuck it. Bitch has probably made it to McDonald's by now.”

Lexa chuckled, considering their game abandoned as she made her way over to one of the camp chairs and unceremoniously flopping into it. A moment later, Raven was off doing...whatever it was Raven does, Lexa wasn't sure she wanted to know. And Anya ambled up, planting herself on the grass next to Lexa, squinting up at her.

“So...I know I've been giving you some shit about the whole Clarke verses Costia situation but a little birdie told me what actually happened.”

Lexa cocked an eyebrow at her sister hesitantly, “What are you talking about?”

“About Clarke,” Anya shrugged, “Treating you like shit. I'm sorry, Lex. I didn't know.”

“Dammit, Raven,” Lexa sighed under her breath.

“The birdie wasn't Raven, it was Clarke herself.”

“What?” Lexa was taken aback, confusion clouding her, “What did Clarke say exactly?”

“I told Clarke that you were an idiot for letting her go-”

“You said what?”

“Let me finish,” Anya shot her a look, “Clarke said that you were anything but an idiot...then she told me what actually happened, she told me what complete asshole she was. I'm sorry, Lexa.”

“She wasn't an asshole,” Lexa bristled, “She has a lot on her plate, Ahn. She was really upset and I was in front of her.”

Anya's critical gaze never wavered, “Don't make excuses for her, Lex. She doesn't.”

“I'm not making excuses,” Lexa snapped, “Yeah, Clarke lost her temper and yes, said some less than nice things but she's going through a lot and besides, it wasn't even about me.”

“Alright,” Anya held her hands up I defense, “Everyone makes mistakes, I get that. As long as you know that you deserve better than that.”

Lexa bit her lip, eyes wandering over the field as she mulled that thought over. And yeah, Clarke shouldn't be taking out her problems on Lexa, or anyone for that matter. But Clarke also deserved some slack. Lexa didn't know what was going on with Clarke, nor did she need to. But whatever it was, wasn't good. It was an all consuming bad, that Clarke just couldn't shake, no matter what.

So she could cut Clarke some slack. She could let it go. She could make the decision to support Clarke rather than pile on something else by being mad, by not understanding. She could, however, see Anya's point. And if Lexa thought that the way Clarke acted was anything to do with her and not wholly to do with Clarke then no, Lexa wouldn't be so understanding. But it wasn't, so she was. She nodded anyway.

“Good, I wouldn't be doing my sisterly duty if you didn't,” Anya smiled, “You know I love Clarke, I just want to make sure you're thinking about yourself too.”

“I am,” Lexa pressed her lips together, “And if I was upset about what happened then I'd deal with it but I'm not, I'm good.”

Anya appraised her for a second, presumably assessing the truth to Lexa's words for herself but nodded when she was satisfied, “Sounds like you're more than good, macking on that Costa chick already.”

Lexa chuckled, “Costia. And I think you're the one that's more than good if you're driving out here because you can't bear to be away from Raven for a few days.”

“Shut up,” Anya rolled her eyes, “Raven is like...when you order regular fries and get an accidental curly.”

“A mistake?” Lexa asked flatly, wrinkling her nose.

Anya's expression soured, “No. A rare and welcome surprise. Like hitting the jackpot or finding your favorite shirt after losing it two years prior.”

“A rare and welcome surprise? You said that one time when you found that surprise pack of cheetos Indra put in your backpack when we when hiking,” Lexa remained unamused.

“Exactly,” Anya nodded, “Except flamin' hot cheetos, 'cause, you know, she's Latina.”

“If Raven is flamin' hot cheetos, what does that make Costia?”

Anya mulled it over for a few seconds with pursed lips before answering, “A latte...plain, white and what every boring person orders.”

“Anya!”

“Just because you order a latte,” Anya scoffed.

“There's nothing wrong with that,” Lexa drawled.

“It's safe,” Anya countered, “Sometimes we deserve more than safe.”

- - - - - - - - - -

It wasn't easy to fall asleep. Her joints were aching in protest just at the thought of spending another night on the floor. And there was a bite in the air, making her just slightly too chilly to fall asleep easily.

So to be pulled from her slumber, just a few hours later, made her head dizzy. A warm body was on top of hers, soft lips claiming her mouth hungrily. A sense of urgency in the air.

And Lexa kissed back, getting lost in the feeling. Nipping and licking at the lips pressed against hers. Her hands, having a mind of their own, smoothing over fleshy hips to grip at a supple ass. The sultry moan that left her counter part's mouth brought her back to reality.

“Clarke?” She managed to breath out before Clarke's mouth was commanding hers once again.

She melted, getting lost in Clarke. Every one of her senses getting completely taken over by all things Clarke. Lost in a sea of Clarke and she wasn't sure she even wanted to find land again. But when Clarke's lips moved to her jaw, pressing demanding, open mouthed kisses to Lexa's sensitive skin. Lexa gasped for air.

“What are you doing?” She panted, fingers tightening their hold to try and ground herself. Because no matter how good this felt, it was wrong, “I'm dating Costia.”

Clarke's mouth detached from her pulse point as the blonde pulled back, giving Lexa her first view of Clarke's face since the encounter begun. Impish smile and all.

“Yeah,” Clarke gave her a teasing look, “But you want me.”

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed for a second before her eyes widened at the sight of Clarke peeling her shirt from her body, causing goosebumps to rise in the chilly air. Clarke's newly exposed breasts bouncing enticingly as Clarke's arms came to rest at her sides. Lexa licked her lips, eyes betraying her as they greedily took in the sight before them. She dragged her eyes away, swallowing down her want and steeling her resolve.

“I don't-”

“What?” Clarke rolled her hips in a tantalizingly tease, “You don't want me?”

Lexa almost groaned at the naughty smirk on the blonde's face, that smirk setting her insides aflame like always.

“Not like this,” Lexa shook her head, desperately trying to grasp onto her reasoning.

It took all of her efforts to remember, to not just give in to the beautiful goddess on top of her. But she couldn't. She'd promised to be there for her but not like this. As Clarke said 'not yet' and Lexa needed to hold onto that. She needed to wait until not yet turned into now. She needed to wait until it meant something. For Clarke and for herself.

“I'm in love with you, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, the confession heavy on her tongue, “But I don't want this. I just want you.”

The air sat heavily, their eye contact intense. She wasn't aware when she'd sat up, or when she'd wound her arms around Clarke's waist but she tightened them. She hoped Clarke understood. Eyes trying to convey that she wasn't rejecting Clarke. She wouldn't reject Clarke. She wanted Clarke with her whole heart and when, if, Clarke was ready for that then Lexa would be waiting. But this wasn't good for either of them. Not when they meant something more than this to each other.

Clarke remained paused, breath heavy and eyes guarded. But Lexa knew her a little better than that by now. She could see the fear, the confusion. Clarke was lost. And Lexa would do anything to help Clarke find her way, to save her from her demons. But she couldn't. All she could do was give herself as support. To just be Lexa for Clarke.

Lexa leant forward, connecting their foreheads. A shuddering breath left Clarke, eyes fluttering shut at the contact and they stilled. Their bodies close and their breath mingling. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Just Clarke and Lexa.

Only one thing was certain. Lexa needed to end whatever she had going on with Costia.

Chapter Text

21. Wonderland

Lexa didn't have much experience breaking up with girls. Most of her relationships had been short term, relationships with a clear expiry date. Usually ending implacably. Ending with moving away, school graduations or simply flings turning flung. Always coming to a natural end.

This. This was different.

This was Lexa deciding to end things before they ever really started. This was Lexa ending things because, for her, there was someone else. Someone that she couldn't leave behind. Someone that she couldn't move on from. At least not until she'd seen them through.

Maybe it wasn't a smart plan, waiting. Waiting until Clarke was ready, waiting to see if Clarke even wanted to try when she was. But Lexa needed to. For her own clarity, she needed to wait. She'd never felt for someone the way she felt for Clarke, the amount of care for someone it took for you to only want what was best for that person. For their happiness to be prioritized over your own. It was an all consuming love, real enough to feel like she could touch it. And no matter what happened, even if Clarke decided that 'not yet' meant 'never', Lexa knew that she wouldn't have peace of mind unless she saw this through.

And that's how she ended up in Grounder's Cafe, waiting for Costia to arrive with Clarke's 'not yet' playing on repeat through her swirling thoughts as she nervously played with her fingers. And Costia entering the cafe did nothing to placate those nerves, only set her further on edge. Yeah, she really wasn't looking forwards to doing this. Especially with the little wave Costia gave her and the friendly smile.

“Hi, Lexa,” Costia bustled into the seat opposite, “I was surprised that you wanted to meet up so soon but I'm glad.”

Lexa's heard sank further at the sight of Costia's optimistic and excited expression, “I, yeah. Um, can I get you a drink?”

Costia stilled, regarding Lexa thoughtfully, “What's going on, Lexa?”

“I...” Lexa sighed, hands fidgeting on the table until Costia's covered them, drawing Lexa's attention to her. Lexa took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut, “I...I'm sorry but...I kinda, I need to end things between us.”

There were a few silent minutes before the absence of Costia's hand on hers made Lexa open her eyes, being met with Costia's dejected expression.

“Oh.”

Lexa's teeth met her bottom lip, “I'm sorry...I, really, I am. I just...I can't, in good conscious, continue seeing where this goes with you.”

Costia searched her eyes, clearly deflated, “I think we could build something great together, Lexa. So I can't say that I'm not disappointed.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded, “And, trust me, you've been perfect. Whoever you're going to end up with I going to be lucky to have you.”

“Just not you,” Costia stated flatly.

Lexa shook her head sadly, watching as Costia leant back in her chair, expression of defeat as she quietly observed Lexa right back.

Eventually Costia sighed, a weight seeming to lift, “Who is she?”

For a moment Lexa thought she'd misheard, “What?”

A small smiled graced Costia's face, “The girl you're into, who is she?”

Lexa bit her lip, exhaling slowly to steady her rapid thoughts, “I'm not ending things with you to be with someone else, Costia,” She paused, her eyes finding the table, “But I do have feelings for someone and it wouldn't be fair to continue things with you knowing that someone else is on my mind.”

“We could've been good together, Lexa,” Costia shrugged, “But I understand. You can't help who you love. I just hope she makes you happy.”

Lexa frowned, taken aback at just how understanding Costia was, “I'm not...this girl and I aren't going to be together.”

“Why not?”

It felt a little wrong to be discussing this with Costia. Discussing Clarke. But there was something about her easy going persona and friendly smile that made Lexa comfortable.

“It's...complicated,” Lexa said, “She, she isn't ready for...she isn't in a good place emotionally right now.”

“Does she love you?”

The question sounded so simple, so easy but it wasn't. It was anything but. Did Clarke love her? No, she didn't think so. But she also thought that Clarke's feelings for her ran deeper than 'no, she doesn't love me' conveyed. Clarke felt something for her. They connected on an emotional level. And the sex, the sex...she shouldn't go there. So no, Clarke didn't love her but...

“I think she could.”

Costia's smile widened, “Then I hope she will. I really do want you to be happy, Lexa.”

“Thanks, Costia,” Lexa reciprocated the smile, “I really want you to be happy too.”

- - - - - - - - - -

What Lexa wasn't expecting, upon her return home, was Clarke and Raven to be in some sort of screaming match. Raven waving her hands in the air angrily while Clarke clutched her own hair, expression exasperated.

“It wasn't my fucking responsibility!” Clarke fumed, throwing daggers at Raven.

“You had one job, Clarke!” Raven spat, eyes narrowed.

Lexa slammed the front door behind her, “What the hell is going on?”

“Raven's being an asshole again,” Clarke snarled, directing a sharp look in Lexa's direction.

“Ugh, no,” Raven scoffed, dramatically rolling her eyes, “Clarke is being unreasonable again.”

“Unreasonable? Raven, you were in charge!” Clarke turned on her, face nothing but furious.

“Guys!” Lexa huffed, “What is this about?”

“Why did we go to Mount Weather? To collect soil samples. And did Clarke collect the soil samples? No,” Raven said, tone condescending.

Clarke rolled her eyes, “I'm not even in your class, Raven!”

Raven's angry expression shifted to stoicism, tone flattening, “I have never been so disappointed in you.”

“Oh fuck you!” Clarke rose from the couch, storming over to the front door, slamming it behind her on her exit, but not before throwing Raven a withering look over her shoulder.

Lexa pursed her lips, expression pointed as she tried to not laugh, “Was that really necessary?”

A disgruntled sound left Raven's mouth. But before Lexa could laugh at just how dramatic Raven was being, Clarke stormed back in. Expression sour as she marched up to Raven and practically threw some dirt down on the breakfast bar in front of her.

“There. Happy?”

Raven looked perplexed, eyeing the dirt for a long moment before her focus shifted to Clarke.

“This is dirt,” Raven spoke slowly, “Dirt from our front yard.”

“Yeah,” Clarke shrugged, “But nobody else knows that.”

Again, Raven paused, heavy gaze shifting between the dirt and Clarke. There was a pregnant pause featuring Clarke, eyebrow raised expectantly and Raven, looking positively skeptical before shrugging.

“Yeah, alright.”

“Great,” Clarke nodded, mouth pulling into a fake smile for a split second, “Now retract the bitch claws.”

“Dope,” Raven nodded, holding up her fist.

Clarke scoffed but didn't deny her the fist bump, even if her participation was less than enthusiastic.

Lexa phone, alerting her to a face-time request, pulled her from watching the dramatics. Noticing the request was from Aden, she smiled as she answered.

“Hey, buddy!”

“Hey!” Aden said excitedly, a wide grin spread cross his boyish features, “Is Clarke there?”

Lexa scoffed, putting on her best sarcastic voice, “Hello, wonderful sister! How are you today? How's your week going? Let's have a nice, long chat.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you and that jazz,” Aden rolled his eyes, “Is Clarke there?”

Clarke, ears perked at the sound of her name, gestured Lexa over to the couch with a wave of her hand. Lexa smiled, falling into the couch next to her and adjusting her phone so that they were bother visible on the camera.

“Clarke!” Aden's face lit up like it was Christmas.

“Hey, handsome,” Clarke replied smoothly, sending him a wink, “What's up?”

Aden grinned sheepishly, “I kinda need to break up with you.”

Lexa's eyes widened. Oh, the irony. She looked at Clarke questioningly, “What's this now?”

“On Facebook, Lexa,” Aden said, exasperation evident.

“Yeah, Lexa,” Clarke mocked, knocking their shoulders together, “Get with the programme.”

Lexa raised her free hand in surrender, a smirk on her face.

“And why are you breaking my heart?” Clarke asked, tone teasing.

“I met someone else.”

“Damn, boy! You move on fast,” Clarke chuckled.

“C'mon, don't make me feel bad,” Aden whined, “You know you'll always be my first love.”

“No, no. It's fine,” Clarke grinned, “I should've known that I couldn't keep a guy like you tied down.”

“Thanks, doll face,” Aden laughed, “I knew you'd understand.”

“Besides,” Clarke drawled, grin turning impish, “I've actually been cheating on you with your sister.”

Aden gasped dramatically, hand covering his heart, “Anya is officially dead to me.”

Clarke immediately started giggling and Lexa would've scowled if she wasn't far too busy noticing just how pretty Clarke was when she laughed.

“Like Clarke could get Anya!” Raven interjected from the kitchen.

“Hey!” Clarke frowned, “I could get Anya! The Woods love me.”

“Face it, Clarkey,” Raven teased, “As far as the Woodseses go, you might have the boy wonder on your side but Indra loves me and Anya is totally mine.”

“If you get Anya and Indra and I get Aden and Lexa...then who gets Gustus?” Clarke questioned.

“I feel like Indra and Gustus come as a pair,” Raven shrugged.

“What? That's no fair!”

“Besides,” Raven grinned, wiggling her eyebrows, “Who says you get Lexa?”

Clarke's mouth opened and closed a few times and Lexa couldn't help but laugh a little at the shocked expression on the blonde's face and at Raven's snug one.

“Of course Clarke gets Lexa,” Aden chimed in, “Lexa is whipped.”

“Hey!” Lexa exclaimed but her protests fell on deaf ears as three pairs of eyes simultaneously gave her incredulous looks, “Oh shut up.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa was beyond excited to see Madison. The few days without her seemed much longer, too long. And she was restless, hardly able to wait to be reunited with the toddler, as she waited for Marcus to drop her off at Grounder's.

What she wasn't expecting, when Marcus entered the establishment, was for her uncle to look quite so flustered. Or for Madison to be quite so upset. She was on her feet the moment she noticed Madison's distressed state, reaching for the toddler as soon as she was within arms reach. Madison tensing at the unexpected touch before she noticed who it was and immediately flung herself into Lexa's waiting arms. Nails digging painfully into the skin of Lexa's neck and burying her face tightly into Lexa's chest.

Lexa hugged the toddler to her, cradling her, “Hey, you're okay. It's alright.”

Marcus ran his fingers through his hair, clearly exasperated, “Oh, Lexa. It's been difficult without you.”

“What?” Lexa's eyes widened, “What happened?”

“Madison missed you, she's been fussy all weekend and asking for you,” Marcus explained, sighing in relief as Madison's cries seemed to ease.

“I'm sorry,” Lexa said quietly, tucking her nose into Madison's dark curls.

“I would've called but I didn't want to disturb you on your trip,” Marcus gave her a weak smile, “I think the day that you can have her for the weekends again will be a good one.”

It bristled Lexa. She knew Marcus was kidding, mostly, but she felt fiercely protective of Madison and anyone implying that their time would be better without the little brunette brought those protective instincts out.

“I'd have her all the time if I could.”

Marcus chuckled, “Be careful or you might be taken up on that offer.”

Again, it made Lexa bristle. But it also cast a shred of hope into her. A hint that maybe the one thing she wanted the most in this world wasn't wholly unattainable. That there was a chance, however remote, that one day she might be able to take Madison home for keeps. She hugged the little girl tighter, pressing kisses to her temple.

“Anyway, I hate to drop and dash but I have a conference call in an hour and those pharmaceuticals won't sell themselves,” Marcus joked, “Are you good?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, waving him off, “We're good.”

Once Marcus was gone, Lexa took a little time to coax Madison's face from it's hiding place but with a little perseverance and some gentle words, Madison's bright, blue eyes met hers.

“What's up, little one?” Lexa cooed, stroking the tears away from Madison's eyes, “What's got you upset?”

Madison's bottom lip quivered, eyes blinking, “Where did you go?”

The words came out as sobs and they felt like knives to Lexa's heart, “Oh, baby. I'm so sorry.”

“Missed you,” Madison cried, forehead pressing against Lexa's and fists tugging at Lexa's hair.

“I missed you too,” Lexa whispered, “So much.”

Madison sniffled, eyes fixed on Lexa's, so close that Lexa could see the little specks of grey within the otherwise sky blue, “Not again, Lessa.”

“Okay,” Lexa nodded, heart breaking, “Never again.”

Madison's whimpers soon turned to hiccups, her eyes drying up as she focused on playing with a button on Lexa's shirt.

“I have an important question to ask,” Lexa said softly, waiting for Madison's eyes to continue, “Duckies or coloring?”

A tiny smile crept it's way onto Madison's face, growing when Lexa found a ticklish spot on her side, “Color.”

“Okay,” Lexa smiled, “Great choice.”

As Lexa sat in the cafe, Madison sitting on her lap and intensely focused on drawing, her mind wandered. There hadn't been much time for her to just sit back and think over the last few days.

She thought about her family. About Aden and how she needed to quiz him about this girl he'd met. About how she hadn't had a proper chat with Gustus in a while now, seeing as the pair usually texted. About Indra and how she missed her, even though she'd seen her so recently. About Anya and just how good being in a relationship with Raven seemed for her.

She thought about Costia. About their ending of things. About how understanding and nice Costia was about it. About the possibility of becoming friends, at least she hoped it was a possibility. She thought Costia would make and excellent friend.

She thought about Clarke. About how brave Clarke was. About how Clarke picked herself up time after time no matter how many times life pushed her down. She truly admired Clarke, her resilience, her strength. And the new ground they'd stumbled onto, although admittedly tentative, seemed more honest, more in depth than anything they'd had before. It lit a fire of need within Lexa, need to help, need to protect and be there for Clarke. She felt positive about it. That somehow Clarke had let her in a little and with the door cracked she actually had a chance at being someone that Clarke could rely on.

She thought about Madison most of all.

It hurt her how much Madison seemed to miss her. Not that she didn't want to be missed but for Madison to go through the emotional aspect of missing someone. She wondered if Madison cried, she hoped not. She wondered if Madison had been able to be distracted, she hoped so. And above all else, she hoped that she could keep her promise to Madison and not disappear again. She could, she knew she could and she'd make sure she would.

She leant down, resting her chin on Madison's petite shoulder so that she could see whatever masterpiece the toddler was sure to have created. She was met with a neat, yet unarguably childlike, drawing of three figures.

“Who did you draw, little one?” She asked softly into Madison's ear.

“That's me,” Madison pointed at the middle figure before her tiny finger slid to the left, “And Lessa.”

“It's beautiful,” Lexa smiled, “And who's the third?”

Madison's eyes followed Lexa's finger to the last figure. Madison's own hand sliding down Lexa's to cover her pointing finger. Her voice quiet when she spoke, “Mommy.”

Lexa had to bite her lip to stop the tears escaping, her nose met Madison's neck, “She's beautiful, I bet she'd love it.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa got home to find Clarke at the breakfast bar, arguing with someone on the phone while Raven hovered in the kitchen, observing Clarke nervously as she ate cheerios from the box. Raven caught eyes with her and she could tell from the look in her eye that Raven was worried. She wandered over, helping herself to a few cheerios before cocking her head to the side in question.

“Clarke's mom,” Raven whispered, jerking her thumb towards her cousin, “She's being a colossal bitch.”

“Isn't she always?” Lexa countered, raising her eyebrows.

“Touché,” Raven nodded, “But seriously, this time she's gone from Bitchville to Satanville, population Clarke.”

“Jeez,” Lexa grimaced, switching her focus to Clarke.

“If you'd just listen-”

“If you think that I want to hear anything that you have to say then you're delusional.”

“I'm your child,” Clarke cried, “Please-”

“You're right, you're a child. A child making adult decisions, decisions that you'll have to learn to live with.”

“Adult decisions? What-”

“You decided to grow up before you were mature enough, Clarke. Consequences-”

“I didn't decide anything, mom! After dad I-”

“Using your father as an excuse again, Clarke? It's no wonder why I never wanted to have you.”

“Mom, you...” Clarke's breath caught, a sob threatening to surface, “You don't mean that.”

“Yes, I do. Your father is the only reason you're on this planet, Clarke and you use his death as an excuse for your mistakes. Don't call here again.”

The line went dead and everyone was frozen, reeling as the air sat heavily on their shoulders. Clarke looking nothing but devastated, silent tears running down her cheeks.

It was the rustle of Raven's cheerios that was the silence breaker as she sat them down, reaching out to Clarke.

“Clarke,” Raven said, voice broken and barely above a whisper but the moment her hand made contact with Clarke's arm it was as if the blonde got burnt, shooting out of the chair a furiously wiping at her eyes as she made for the door, “Clarke, please don't!”

“Why the hell not?” Clarke snarled, rounding on her cousin, “You heard her, I'm just a child.”

“You are not a child, Clarke,” Raven said with conviction, “You know what you are.”

The words caused a pause in Clarke. A moment that caused her face to fall, her body to tense, her wet eyes to squeeze shut and her mouth to fall open in a gasp.

But the moment was over quickly and Clarke shook her head as she exited quickly, “I can't.”

- - - - - - - - - -

It was late when Lexa woke up to noises downstairs. Following the noises led the to Clarke's room where she found Clarke, visibly drunk and being most unhelpful as Raven tried to wrestle her out of her jeans.

“Not that I'm not enjoying our time together, Clarkey Clarke,” Raven mumbled, “But you really aren't who I wanted to see naked tonight.”

Lexa folded her arms, resting against Clarke's door jam with an amused expression, “Need any help?”

Raven jumped before sighing in relief, “Jesus, yes. I'm pretty sure you're more practiced at undressing her than I am.”

Lexa chuckled, pushing herself out of her leaning position to help. She grabbed the sides of Clarke's jeans, wiggling them over the swell of Clarke's hips and sliding them off.

“Her top is probably alright,” Raven decided, causing Clarke to grumble.

“No,” Clarke grumbled, slurring, “Bra.”

Raven help her hands up, eyeing Lexa, “You're domain, hot stuff.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, kneeling on the bed next to Clarke and helping rid her of the unwanted garment as discreetly as possibly, keeping her shirt in place as much as possible.

“Alright,” Raven sighed once satisfied, “Sleepy time, Clarkey.”

“Lexie,” Clarke called out pathetically, pausing Lexa on her rout out of the room, “Read to me?”

Raven sent her a teasing smirk as if to say 'you're it' before swiftly exiting, leaving Lexa to settle next to Clarke on the bed.

“What shall I read?”

Clarke pouted for a second, rubbing one of her eyes and smearing the remanence of eyeliner down her cheek, “Alice.”

“Okay,” Lexa agreed. If reading Clarke some 'Alice' brought her some comfort, brought her closer to her father for even a second then Lexa would read all night long. She grabbed to book from it's place on Clarke's night stand, flipping it open to a random page but something made her pause, “What are you?”

“Hm?” Clarke's eyebrows pinched, going slightly cross eyed.

“Raven said that you aren't a child, that know what you are...so what are you?” Lexa asked softly, quietly observing Clarke as her eyes sparked with recognition before a sad, empty look took over.

“Nothing, not anymore.”

Lexa bit her lip, leaning into Clarke's space and pressing a tender kiss to her cheek, “You're everything.”

Blue met green as Clarke searched her eyes, the moment sitting heavily.

“I love you, Lexa,” Clarke whispered.

Lexa smiled sadly, tilting her head to rest against Clarke's, “Tell me one day when you're sober, pretty girl.”

After a moment Clarke nodded, letting out a sigh and sinking further into Lexa's side. Lexa's attention drifting to the book in her hand.

“It was a warm summers day and Alice was getting bored sitting beside her sister, who had her nose buried in a book...”

Chapter Text

22. Rock Bottom

When Lexa woke up, she was disorientated. For a moment she was confused, unaware of her surroundings until the night before caught up with her. She found herself in Clarke's bed, glasses askew, pajamas wrinkled and Alice In Wonderland still resting open in her lap. She noticed, sadly, that Clarke was absent. The smell of fresh coffee pulled her from the comfort of Clarke's bed, motivating her to drag herself through to the kitchen, situating herself at the breakfast bar. The mood demure as Raven fixed their coffee.

“She went out,” Raven sighed, tone dejected as she leant her elbows on the breakfast bar in front of Lexa.

"I figured," Lexa hummed sympathetically, "Her mom was pretty brutal.”

Raven nodded slowly, “Her mom's a piece of work.”

“Understatement.”

“Yeah,” Raven smiled weakly, “She wasn't always this bad though.”

“No?” Lexa asked softly, not wanting to pry but wanting to be an ear if Raven needed one.

“She's always been a little...negative towards Clarke, more focused on work than her but...” Raven shrugged sadly, “I don't know, before Jake died Mrs G would sometimes throw a bitch fit but on the most part she stayed pretty passive.”

Lexa frowned, “So what changed?”

“Jake,” Raven said softly, “He was the glue. He kept his wife and daughter on good terms. Without him playing peace keeper....things just fell apart. I don't know, Mrs G blames Clarke for his death and I doubt that's going to change anytime soon.”

“No wonder Clarke lives with you,” Lexa said, “I think anyone would want to get away from that.”

Raven shook her head, “Clarke didn't leave, she was kicked out.”

Lexa's face fell, that fact hitting her hard. She's always assumed that it had been Clarke's choice to leave home. That she was rebellious and acting out after her father's death. She knew Clarke could be argumentative when she was struggling with her mental health and thought that maybe that arguing got a little much for her and her mom. It'd never even crossed her mind that Clarke had been kicked out. Her mind filled with thoughts of the blonde, her heart breaking. She couldn't imagine just how much it must've hurt to be kicked out. Especially after losing her father prior. A new, and even greater, appreciation for Clarke kicked in as she took a deep breath.

“Clarke deserves better.”

A small smile came to Raven's face, “She's got better, she's got us.”

Lexa matched her smile, the tenderness of the moment settling within her and a shred of pride bubbling at the thought of Raven including her in the 'better' category.

“You know,” Raven mused after a moment, “Clarke's mom actually really helped me out when I was younger.

“She did?” Lexa questioned, her thoughts trailing back to when Raven had mentioned her childhood.

Raven had said that her dad and Clarke's mom were siblings, that her dad had bailed on them but her mom had wanted her to grow up with family so they'd spent a lot of time with the Griffins'.

“My mom wasn't always around but Mrs G always looked out for me, more than she did Clarke most of the time,” Raven said sadly.

“It must make it harder now, seeing her treat Clarke like this.”

“Yeah,” Raven agreed, “If I wasn't here to witness it, I would never believe someone could treat their own child like that.”

Lexa could see the sadness in Raven's eyes, feel the pain in her words. She wanted to comfort her friend but there were no words left to say, she simply opened her arms and waited for Raven to fall into them before hugging her firmly.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Being back at work was an unwelcome shock to the system after Lexa's long weekend off. She was beginning to hate her job.

At first she'd taken the job because she wanted to do something during her time off from writing. She hadn't sought out a teaching position, but she had asked Marcus to look out for any job opening and this is what he'd come up with. The idea of teaching made her nervous to start with, like any new escapade would. But after a pep talk from Indra and some fatherly teasing from Gustus, she'd warmed up to the idea.

Now, however, she wasn't so sure.

Costia's once described teaching as shaping young minds, telling Lexa that she enjoyed teaching because no matter the subject you taught, the real lessons were in life. And Lexa loved that explanation, only it didn't fit her. She didn't feel like she was teaching any life lessons.

Raven had a different view. Raven, as it turned out, actually got into M.I.T but gave up her scholarship to stay closer to Clarke. Saying that she only got into teaching to keep a closer eye on her 'delinquent' cousin. And that didn't fit Lexa either. For starters, she definitely wasn't M.I.T smart and secondly, she didn't even have a cousin.

Somewhere along the way Lexa had discovered that, for her, teaching was about getting through the assigned syllabus, hoping Clarke didn't punch anyone else and waiting for the beautiful sound of the end of day bell to ring.

Suffice to say, Lexa needed to hand in her notice. As far as jobs went, it wasn't the worst she'd ever had. She liked to take something from all of her experiences. Learn something. She wasn't sure she could do much with her lesson from this particular experience beyond 'Clarke Griffin cannot be resisted'. Still, maybe if she wasn't teaching she could have Madison instead of the toddler going to daycare.

She did, however, enjoy the teacher's lounge. The comforting, ugly, pastel green walls. The charming, cheap, little kitchen. And the comfy, weird smelling, couch that had been home to many best friend chats with Raven. The whole room coming together to materialize into her association with a Vile Kyle free break. It didn't matter that the coffee tasted like rhino piss. Raven's words, not hers. Although just how much experience Raven had with rhino piss, she wasn't sure. It didn't matter that the lights were those cheap, fake day light lights that gave you a headache within five minutes of being under them. And it didn't matter that the entire room smelt vaguely of old farts and sweat. No, those things didn't matter because the dull, hardly decorated room was an oasis. A home away from home. And when she entered it that morning, she was met with a familiar face.

“Costia!” Lexa said, smiling warmly.

She couldn't help it. Ever since she ended things with the sweet teacher, her feelings for Costia had drastically changed. Before there was tentative excitement, a gentle attraction and, above all else, pressure. Lexa hadn't even realized it. But after taking away the expectancy for a relationship, she'd become very aware that there was a massive pressure lifted. A pressure that she could only blame herself for. Now...now, there was no pressure, no expectations and it left her feeling nothing but positive towards her ex love interest. It gave her room, allowed her to feel other things. Like the warmth and happiness friendship had to offer. Maybe friends wasn't what her intentions had originally been but she thought friends would be better, more than they could've perhaps achieved otherwise.

“Hey,” Costia greeted, tipping her head back to reciprocate Lexa's smile, “How are you feeling today?”

Lexa took a moment to ponder the question while making her way over to Costia, sitting herself in the empty chair on offer, “I'm...happy. Sorry, is that really insensitive given recent events?”

Costia eyed Lexa's gritted teeth for a moment before her mouth widened in a laugh, shaking her head, “No, it's fine. I'm happy too.”

“Good,” Lexa grinned.

“So...happy, huh?” Costia said, teasing lilt to her tone as she took a sip from her coffee, “Happy looks good on you.”

“Why thank you,” Lexa joked, giving a mock bow. She sighed, “Actually, my happiness is tainted with worry this morning.”

Costia's grin was gone in an instant but her ever calm and sweet persona never faltered, “Why? What's up?”

She wasn't wholly sure that she should talk about anything Clarke related with Costia but Costia was still that easy going, genuinely kind person that Lexa had admired in the first place and she knew that Costia was there for her.

“It's Clarke,” She said on a deflated sigh, “I just...I worry about her.”

A soft smile came to Costia's face, “It's nice that you care about her. I know that her parents aren't around and asides from Raven...it's nice that she's got you to care about her too. Anyone would be lucky to have you caring about them.”

Lexa's lips quirked, a blush dusting her cheeks at the compliment. With a reply on her tongue her attention was pulled to Raven. More specifically Raven barreling through the door and flopping onto the couch with a disgruntled groan, rubbing a hand over her face.

“No luck?” Lexa questioned gently, knowing that Raven had spent the last little while looking for Clarke and judging by the exasperated sigh, her search attempts had been futile.

Raven shook her head, “Nah, I don't know. Maybe baby Blake will know something.”

“Are you talking about Clarke?” Costia asked, eyes drifting between Raven and Lexa.

“Yeah,” Raven nodded.

“She's here,” Costia said, earning both of their attention, “I saw her on the field with Lincoln when I got here this morning.”

“Huh,” Raven frowned, eyes running over Lexa in thought before she shrugged, “Text me if she makes it to first period English?”

- - - - - - - - - -

“Miss Woods?”

Her class had been slow. Only twenty minutes in and the seconds were dragging passed, the sound of the clock making her eyelids droop with each tick. To Lexa's disappointment, Clarke hadn't filed in with the rest of her students. Not that it was unusual but knowing Clarke was on campus, Lexa thought the blonde could've made an appearance. Especially considering that Clarke had to know that Raven and her would be worried. She'd caught eyes with Octavia when the brunette had entered the room but Octavia had just shrugged, signaling that she didn't know where Clarke was either.

It was the principal knocking on her open classroom door that caused her to jolt awake, standing up to greet him, “Principal Wilson, what can I do for you?”

He entered the room, coming to a stop next to Lexa's desk, presumably so their conversation could remain private, “Finn Collins' mom called in this morning, he claims to have been attacked on the camping trip. I wondered if you could shed some light on the situation.”

Lexa's teeth sunk into her bottom lip nervously, “I...have you spoken to Raven and Maya?”

“I have,” Principal Wilson nodded, eyes narrowed, “Miss Reyes believes that Finn got into a fight with another boy, Miss Vie suggested that an accident took place. If Finn says that he got attacked then I have to take it seriously, but I don't know who could've done this...”

Lexa was distracted from his words at the appearance of Clarke, the blonde quietly hurrying through the door and claiming her usual seat next to Octavia. Something was off, Clarke hadn't even made eye contact with her. Then again, she really should be focused on her boss right now.

“...now although Finn claims to have been punched by Clarke Griffin, between you and I, I don't know if a girl is even capable of breaking someone's nose. What are your thoughts?”

Lexa wrinkled her nose at the sexist comment. A small part of her was tempted to prove him wrong then and there, “Um, I guess it would depend on the girl...but...” With her attention torn between Clarke and principal Wilson, she couldn't get her thoughts straight. She sighed, her mind swimming, “Um...Finn's caused trouble before.”

“Miss Wood,” Octavia called out, a hint of urgency in her tone, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

She opened her mouth to answer but principal Wilson beat her to it, “Just a moment, Miss Blake.”

“I mean in my class,” Lexa continued, “Finn's caused trouble in my class before.”

“Yes, I'm aware that his suspension was due to-”

“Me and Clarke need to go to the bathroom now,” Octavia piped up, “You aren't allowed to make girls wait when they're having feminine issues, you know?”

The annoyance in Octavia's tone make Lexa's eyebrows raise and principal Wilson shifted, clearly uncomfortable with the subject, his voice turned dry, "You're having feminine issues now?"

A scowl came to Octavia's face, "We can't just hold it in you know? It doesn't work like that!"

Principal Wilson's expression twisted in more discomfort, “Which one of you is having a...spontaneous issue?”

“Both of us,” Octavia practically spat.

Principal Wilson glanced over the students awkwardly, his face pinched into a grimace, making Lexa have to suppress an eye roll.

“Let me...” Lexa gestured towards Octavia, “Give me a moment to sort this out.”

He nodded, seemingly relieved not to have to deal with that particular issue, "I didn't think it was a group thing."

Lexa ignored the comment and quickly made her way to Octavia. She met Octavia's wide eyes, leaning down to rest her elbows on the front of Octavia's desk and talking lowly.

“What's up?”

“You gotta let me and Clarke go to the bathroom, Lexa,” Octavia hissed in a whisper, thankfully quiet enough for no one other than Lincoln to hear.

“What?” Lexa frowned.

Octavia's eyes darted to Clarke, “Look at her.”

And Lexa did. What she found was Clarke, hair messy and mascara smudged and, much to Lexa's surprise and worry, clearly intoxicated.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Octavia exclaimed, “We need to get her out of here before anyone else notices.”

“Yeah, um,” Lexa bit her lip, leaning over to Clarke and softening her voice, “Clarke?”

Blue eyes met her, although she could hardly find the blue, Clarke's pupils were so dilated. Her sad expression made Lexa falter but the looming presence of principal Wilson behind her, made her focus.

“Octavia's going to take you out of here but you need to keep your head down until you're in the hall, okay?” Lexa whispered, eyes running over Clarke's pink flushed cheeks, “Can you do that, Clarke?”

Clarke frowned prettily, eyes boring into Lexa's, “I'm fine.”

The words came out slurred and Octavia rolled her eyes, slinging her arm around Clarke's shoulders, “Griff, would you rather sit in class for the next thirty minutes or go raid the teacher's lounge? I bet they have cookies.”

“Okay,” Clarke mumbled, pushing her hair back from her face.

“Good girl,” Octavia praised, tone patronizing.

“I'll come and find you as soon as I can,” Lexa said to Octavia, straightening back up and watching as Octavia pulled Clarke out of her seat. Octavia giving her a nod before making towards the exit, giving Lexa the opportunity to distract principal Wilson.

“Sorry, girl troubles,” She excused casually, flashing him a easy smile, “Anyway, where were we? Finn Collins, in my opinion tends to be the trouble maker. I'm not sure what happened but I wouldn't be surprised if him getting hurt was his own doing.”

“I see,” Principal Wilson nodded slowly, deep in thought, “And he did claim to be attacked the time he got suspended, too.”

Lexa practically sighed in relief, beyond thankful that principal Wilson seemed to be in agreement with her, “Exactly, and he was definitely the instigator then.”

With principal Wilson satisfied and on his way, Lexa waited another few minutes, just in case her was dawdling in the hallway and made her excuses to her class, telling them to talk amongst themselves until she returned or the bell rang to signal the end of the class. She hurried to the teacher's lounge as fast as she could. Seeing Clarke, looking angry, on the couch, legs kicked up while Octavia looked through the fridge.

“What happened?” Lexa asked, dropping onto the coffee table in front of Clarke, “Coming into school like this? Clarke, you should've gone home.”

For a moment Clarke's eyes darkened in anger and Lexa thought for sure that she was going to be on the receiving end of another verbal tongue lashing from the blonde. But, to her surprise, the anger disappeared in a moment, Clarke's shoulders sagging as her eyes turned sad.

“I'm tired, Lex,” Clarke whispered, voice hoarse and leaning forward into Lexa's space, “Everything hurts.”

Lexa's brows pinched in concern and in the same moment Clarke tipped forward, her forehead meeting Lexa's shoulder as Lexa's arm came up to wrap around her, “It's okay, you're okay. We're going to get you out of here and then you can sleep this off.”

“Not that kind of tired,” Clarke grumbled against the skin of Lexa's neck.

“I know,” Lexa said sadly, voice quiet.

Her mind wandered, thinking back to the camping trip, back to Clarke having fun with her friends. Watching them chase her with water guns as she ran around in her pajamas, laughing and squealing. Clarke being free and happy. Maybe one day it would stick for good. She hoped so.

“I can take her home,” Octavia pulled Lexa from her thoughts, watching them with a quizzical eye, hands on hips.

“You'll miss school,” Lexa frowned.

“Yeah but I have Raven next period and I can be back before third so as long as Raven's cool with marking me present so that my mom doesn't find out then I can take her.”

Lexa thought about it. Neither she, nor Raven could leave without drawing attention to themselves. And Clarke certainly couldn't stay here so Octavia did seem to be the best option. She doubted that Raven would mind marking her present either, “Are you sure?”

“I don't mind, beats chemistry,” Octavia shrugged, “Besides, I bet your fridge is better stocked than this one.”

Lexa chuckled, “Of course it is, Raven lives there.”

“One thing though...” Octavia said, waiting for Lexa to raise an eyebrow before grinning innocently, “Can I borrow your car?”

Lexa rolled her eyes with a grin, “Keys are in my bag.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“I can't believe she did that,” Raven let out a huff, focusing her anger into tossing the salad Lexa had made to accompany their pasta dish for dinner, “Fucking off all night to get trashed is one thing, but showing up drunk to school? What the actual fuck?”

“Mm,” Lexa hummed her agreement, sitting at the breakfast bar with a notebook in front of her and a pen in hand, jotting down a few notes she hand for a new novel, “Thank God for Octavia's quick thinking, imagine if the principal had noticed.”

“That girl is a life saver,” Raven shuddered at the thought, “I just don't know what to do. It's the big things she deals with alone but that clearly isn't working for her anymore, not if she's coming to school drunk.”

Lexa sighed, hearing the concern in her friends voice and desperately wanting to alleviate it somehow, “Maybe this is rock bottom? Maybe it's a good thing.”

“What? The only direction is up?” Raven frowned, “That's some kumbaya shit and you know it, Lex.”

“Hey! That kumbaya shit works for my dad.”

“Yeah, well,” Raven shrugged, “Isn't your dad practically a monk?”

“Kinda,” Lexa nodded, amused, “He lives an enlightened life, according to him.”

“Damn,” Raven whistled lowly, “Maybe he could enlighten me? I could do with being enlightened.”

Their laughs were interrupted by the front door opening, revealing Octavia.

“Hey,” She smiled, leaning back against it, “I just came by to check on Clarke after this morning.”

Raven frowned, “Clarke told me she was going to your place for the night.”

“Oh,” Octavia's eyes widened.

“Yeah, 'oh',” Raven shook her head in annoyance, “I swear I'm going to kick that girl's butt when she makes it home. She promised.”

Lexa nudged her sympathetically.

“Sorry, I thought that-” Octavia was cut off by the sound of her phone ringing, when she looked at it her eyes widened once again, “It's Clarke.”

“Answer it,” Raven said, planting a hand on her hip and looking, according to Lexa, rather intimidating.

“Hey,” Octavia said, grinning sheepishly.

“Hey, O. Cover for me if Rae asks, okay? Tell her I'm asleep at yours or something.”

Even through the phone they could hear the slur in Clarke's words.

“Okay,” Octavia blinked heavily, glancing between Lexa and Raven, “Clarke's at mine, guys. She fell asleep.”

“What the fuck?”

Raven scoffed, commandeering Octavia's phone and pressing it to her ear in one swoop, “Clarke Abigail Griffin! You better get your fat ass back home right now if you don't wanna be grounded until your thirty!”

“You can't ground me, Rae. Just...let me have tonight, okay?”

“Clarke-”

“No. Raven, I know. Okay? I just...I need to...please just understand. Give me tonight and tomorrow I'll be better.”

Lexa could see the internal struggle written all over Raven's face. And she understood. The need to make sure Clarke was safe. The need for her to be happy. But at the same time completely understanding that this was how Clarke coped. And sure, Clarke's coping mechanisms weren't exactly healthy but they were Clarke's coping mechanisms. And Clarke herself was more than aware. So where did that leave Raven? Torn between understanding that Clarke was her own person, who could make her own choices and the intense need to wrap Clarke in cotton wool and keep her safe from the cruelties the universe had to offer.

“Fine,” Raven sighed, “One night...but please sleep here or at O's, don't sleep anywhere else.”

“I won't, I'll come home.”

“Okay,” Raven said, tone defeated, “I...Clarke, remember that I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

- - - - - - - - - -

She didn't think she'd be here. She wouldn't of ever imagined this being her night. But at three am when she'd pulled her head out of the warmth from beneath her pillow, squinting as the brightness of her ringing phone hurt her eyes in her otherwise dark bedroom, she'd seen Clarke's caller ID and her stomach had instantly sunk.

She knew that Clarke was out, probably partying, but this had never happened before. Clarke had never called her at three am, or any time for that matter. And she knew something was wrong instantly. So she'd answered her phone with a groggy 'hello?' and within seconds sobered from the fog that sleep had created when she heard Clarke sniffled reply of 'Can you come get me?'. She'd never heard Clarke sound so small before. Her voice sad, low, on the edge of child like and showing all of Clarke's, usually hidden, vulnerability.

Needless to say, Lexa had been out of the door within minutes. Driving quickly, probably too quickly, to find Clarke in the darkness that surrounded her car.

Clarke had been waiting for her at the address she'd texted Lexa. Alone and disheveled on the curb, sitting curled into herself. Looking lost, looking helpless and looking like a shell of the girl Lexa knew. She'd been able to tell that Clarke was crying by the way her head was tucked into her knees, even before she got into the car. Her arms wrapped around her knees protectively and her whole body seeming to shake from the chill in the air.

Clarke had gotten into her car without a word. Facing away from Lexa to press her forehead against the passenger side window, fingers fidgeting with them hem of her dress. Lexa had handed over her hoodie without question, spreading it across Clarke's lap but Clarke hadn't responded. Either too upset to talk or too out of focus to notice. The former, Lexa decided, after seeing Clarke snuggled further into the garment a moment later.

The rest of the car ride had been just as silent. Only the mechanical sounds of Lexa's car, the ticking of her indicators and the occasional screech of tires filling the air. The atmosphere, not awkward, but not comfortable either. Just heavy.

She'd followed Clarke into the house quietly when they'd gotten back. The house dark and seemingly empty even though they knew that Raven was right upstairs. The house becoming a physical description of their mood. Lexa wasn't sure where to go from here, she wanted to help Clarke but Clarke's usual behavior during this type of situation was to fold in on herself, internalize all of her demons and lash out at anyone who tried to help. Lexa wasn't sure what burdens Clarke was carrying tonight, all she knew was that she wanted to help ease some of the weight of them, if she could.

No, she didn't think she'd be here. Standing face to face with Clarke in the middle of the kitchen, at three am, with Clarke looking so empty. But she was. So she took a deep breath, inching closer while paying close attention to Clarke's facial features, looking for any minor changes in the girl's demeanor, her mind wandering to taming a wild animal for a moments before focusing solely on Clarke. But she saw none, so she pressed on, inching closer until her fingers met with her hoodie, which was now wrapped around Clarke's shoulders.

“Hey,” She said softly, fingers tangling in the material as if the physical hold could keep Clarke's mind with her, keep Clarke's mind from getting lost in a sea of negative thoughts, “Tell me what you need, pretty girl. Want me to get Raven?”

Blue met greet, Clarke's eyes a lighter shade of blue than Lexa had ever seen within them before. And as much as Lexa admired the pretty color, it also made her heart clench because that color, that light was only evidence of Clarke's tears. That blue searched for a moment, looking emptier than ever, like they were trying to find purchase but they were looking right through Lexa. It was brief, and barely there, but Lexa caught the shake of Clarke's head. No, she didn't want Raven.

“Okay,” Lexa said, taking a tentative step forward, “Do you want to be alone?”

“No!” The word left Clarke's mouth in a horse gasp, the rasp to her tone emphasizing how hollow she sounded, “Please don't leave me.”

And Lexa wouldn't, she never would if it meant Clarke wouldn't feel that way, alone. With the worry of Clarke lashing out, of Clarke pushing her away, put at ease, Lexa tugged on the materiel between her fingertips. Pulling Clarke into her body. And Clarke, after tensing for a mere second, seemed to fully let go. Her whole body sinking into Lexa's like invisible strings holing it upright had suddenly gone slack. The breath in Clarke's lungs releasing into a heart wrenching sob as the blonde's face met Lexa's shoulder.

And Lexa stood still, heart beating out of her chest as she held the sobbing girl, the girl she loved, in her arms. Time seeming to stand still just so they could simple be, in this moment.

And while tender, it only took a moment for the embrace to be over. Until Clarke was stepping back, eyes downcast as she removed herself from Lexa's space. And Lexa understood, she knew Clarke found it difficult, almost impossible, to be open and vulnerable. It was one of Clarke's greatest strengths and weakness', the ability to disconnect from emotion. But that's what she did, wiping away her tears and schooling her features back to void, hiding the inner turmoil that was eating her.

“I need to shower,” Clarke supplied as an explanation.

An explanation that Lexa knew to be false, Clarke pulled away because she couldn't handle feeling vulnerable and nothing more. Certainly not because of the sudden need to bathe, but Lexa nodded anyway, gesturing to Clarke's bedroom door, “Okay.”

It was a short time later that Lexa heard Clarke let out a pain filled cry of frustration. She'd been sitting on Clarke's bed, waiting for the blonde to emerge from behind her, cracked open, bathroom door. But the sound discontinued her wait, making her move swiftly into the bathroom to find Clarke sitting under the spray of the shower. Her knees tucked into her chest and her fingers threaded through the hair on her scalp, pulling harshly as the water cascaded over her.

Lexa, eyes skimming over her finger print bruises on the blondes hips, didn't acknowledge the water seeping through her pajamas as she quickly knelt at the blonde's side. Her hand landing on the small of Clarke's back as she spoke quietly, “What happened tonight, Clarke?”

Blue eyes peeked up at Lexa through cupped hands, Clarke's expression nothing but pure frustration. At herself, Lexa presumed, as she tried to gently pry Clarke's fingers out of her knotty hair.

“I...I fucked up, Lexa.”

Even if the spray of water hid the fact that she was crying, the sound of Clarke voice didn't. Hollow, empty and raw. Lexa kept her gaze and tone steady, focusing on Clarke's fingers to take the emphasis away from Clarke's words. A growl left Clarke's throat, her fingers pulling tighter on her hair, so tight that Lexa knew it must've been painful.

“Clarke, it's okay,” Lexa cooed, thumb stroking each of Clarke's tangles fingers, “Whatever it is...it'll be okay.”

“It won't!” Clarke's voice rose into a roar, tears spilling freely, “I'm a slut!”

Her words took Lexa aback, swallowing thickly in an attempt to control her own emotions. This was about Clarke and if she had even the smallest window of opportunity for Clarke to open up, she knew she needed to keep her own emotions in check.

“You're not,” She said simply, shaking her head once.

But Clarke's anger was back at full force, her heated gaze meeting Lexa's in disbelief and seething tone making each world feel like needles, “I let him fuck me, Lexa! I let him fuck me in front of his friends! He called me a slut because I am.”

And Lexa watched as, just like that, Clarke's anger made way for a new emotion. Despair.

“You aren't a slut, Clarke,” She said evenly, finally accomplishing her mission and pulling Clarke's hands away from her face, clasping them in her own, “You're strong...and brave...and your regrets don't define you.”

Clarke's eyes searched hers for a moment, looking for any shred of falseness in her words, “You don't know what I've done, Lexa.”

Lexa pursed her lips, eyes running over the anguished expression on Clarke's face. She brought her hand up, tucking a few strands of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear, “Then tell me.”

Her words made Clarke recoil, Clarke's blue eyes meeting the floor. Lexa didn't think Clarke would answer but after a few, long, minutes of baited silence, Clarke's eyes found purchase on hers once again, “I slept with...I...fuck, Lexa, I...”

“It's okay,” Lexa whispered, pressing herself closer so that she could wrap an arm around Clarke, fingers sliding across wet skin until they grasped a dangling hand.

Clarke squeezed back, tilting her head closer to Lexa's and making Lexa wonder if that's what Clarke needed, to simply be close. Clarke's eyes squeezed shut, a sharp intake of breath letting Lexa feel her inner turmoil before one word left the blonde's mouth in a shaky sob.

“Wick.”

If there was one word that Lexa never wanted to hear, it was that one. Out of everyone in the world Kyle fucking Wick was the last person Lexa ever pictured Clarke sleeping with. Lexa's own eyes squeezed shut, trying to block the, extremely unwanted, images her mind immediately came up with. But her mind drifted back to one detail that she'd overlooked earlier, the bruises. Dark, finger print, bruises scattering the blonde's otherwise perfect skin.

“Did he...” Lexa bit her lip, eyeing Clarke from under her wet lashes, “Did he hurt you?”

“No,” Clarke spat immediately, tone hard before her eyes were searching Lexa's once again, features softening, “I don't know.”

“You don't know?” Lexa said softly, sweeping her thumb across the palm of Clarke's hand in comfort.

“I think I...” Clarke tailed off, eyes finding the ceiling as she drew in a breath, “I wanted it but I...I don't think...I was drunk and high, I would've wanted anyone and he...”

“What did he do?” Lexa's tone darkened along with her thoughts.

“I don't know,” Clarke sighed, voice small, “Maybe he talked me into it but it doesn't matter. I said yes.”

“It matters,” Lexa growled, studying Clarke's downcast features, “It does matter, Clarke.”

Clarke leaned further into her body, resting her cheek against Lexa's shoulder as another sob shook her body, “I need to get better, Lexa. I can't do this anymore.”

“I know,” Lexa whispered, pressing her lips to Clarke's forehead.

Half an hour later, once Lexa had helped Clarke get washed and dried, found them in Clarke's bed. Comfy under the covers and pajama clad as they stared out into the dark space, only illuminated by the moonlight coming through Clarke's window.

“Why do you do it?” Lexa mused quietly into the darkness, knowing that Clarke was still awake by the way Clarke fidgeted every so often, her breath hitting Lexa's neck from where her head rested on Lexa's shoulder.

“I...” Clarke's voice broke, her tone pained, “I don't...my- I hurt...all the time.”

Lexa nodded, letting Clarke know that she understood, “Does it help?”

“It...feels like,” Clarke fidgeted, the words dying on her tongue.

And Lexa understood. Clarke found it difficult to open up and she was more aware of this now than ever before. This was Clarke trying and she really was trying, so hard. Yet something stopped her. There was a pain in her voice every time she attempted to open up. Almost as if it was physically painful for her to talk.

“I just...I want everything to go away,” Clarke settled on.

“The drinking, the sex,” Lexa questioned, “It helps?”

After a thoughtful pause, Clarke nodded, hair brushing against the underside of Lexa's jaw, “For a while.”

“How?”

“It...makes me, I...” Clarke let out a huff, seemingly annoyed at her own inability.

Lexa's fingers climbed up the back of Clarke's sweater, stroking reassurances into her skin, “It's okay, take all the time you need.”

“People like my body,” Clarke said quietly, “And being wanted is...needed sometimes.”

The words, although few, spoke volumes. Telling a sad story about a girl that lost her father, was rejected by her mother and felt so bad about herself that she learned to seek comfort from those who wanted her in the least innocent way possible. It made a dull ache spread across Lexa's chest. Clarke just wanted to be loved, to be wanted, to be accepted and sex was the only method she could achieve her desires. It broke Lexa's heart. And she promised herself that she was going to make Clarke feel every bit the wanted, the loved, the accepted that she was. Because she was. By Lexa.

“I need you all the time, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, pressing her face into blonde locks and breathing in that scent that was wholly Clarke's, the scent that meant home for Lexa, “Not sex, just you.”

Clarke let out a humorless giggle, the edge of happiness to the sound getting drowned out by the undercurrent of disbelief and sniffling, “I wish I'd found you years ago, Lexa.”

Lexa frowned, “That would be slightly pedophilic.”

This time Clarke's giggle was more humor than sadness, and for that Lexa was grateful. For a moment things were quiet until Clarke nestled her face further under Lexa's chin.

“I have to stop doing this, Lex,” She sniffled, “It's killing me.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded thoughtfully, “You'll be okay, Clarke.”

“Yeah?” Clarke tilted her head up to catch Lexa's eyes, “How do you know?”

“You're the strongest person I know, if you want to stop doing this then you will.”

Clarke's eyes searched Lexa's, expression one of wonder, “Just like that?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, “Just like that.”

Clarke smiled briefly, fingertips stroking Lexa's cheekbone as her hair fell around her face like a curtain keeping them from the world, Clarke's eyes finding purchase on Lexa's eyebrow as the blonde was in deep thought, “You don't think I'm unfixable?”

Lexa paused, the question catching her off guard, “You aren't broken, Clarke.”

Blue eyes widened, shining with disbelief and time stood still. Just Clarke and Lexa in a moment of clarity. A moment broken by the sound of Clarke's bedroom door opening.

“Did you call Clarke a bimbo again?” Raven's voice filtered through the air, directed at Lexa, “I've told you that she's sensitive to stereotypes.”

A grin spread across Lexa's face as she observed her friend in true Raven Reyes style, leaning against Clarke's door jam, eyebrow quirked, a teasing smirk and arms crossed.

“I heard you crying, Clarkey,” Raven said, dropping the façade, “What's up?”

Clarke took a tentative glance towards Lexa before shaking her head, “Nothing. Now get in here.”

Clarke only had a moment to pull the comforter back before Raven was making herself comfortable on Clarke's other side, her presence making Clarke squish against Lexa. But Lexa wouldn't have it any other way.

One thing was for certain. If Clarke wasn't at rock bottom before, she definitely was now.

Chapter Text

23. Dressing On The Side

Being confined in a tangled mess of overheated sheets wasn't the most pleasant way Lexa could think of to wake up, especially with Clarke's elbow being lodged in her face, but it seemed to be her reality. And after a brief debate between closing her eyes for five more minutes or getting up, getting up won out with the help of her nagging bladder.

After the heaviness of the night before, and the late night, Lexa wanted to do something nice for Clarke, something that might make her feel slightly better, even if it was only in the form of some fluffy pancakes with extra syrup. They were Clarke's favorite after all and it was the least Lexa could do for the, sure to be embarrassed, blonde.

She remembered a morning like this not so long ago. A morning that featured Clarke, being quiet and regretful, a morning that featured Lexa's fluffy pancakes. She wondered if it counted as a tradition if it only happened once. She supposed so, now that once was turning into twice. She hoped that she would always be around to make Clarke pancakes with extra syrup when she was sad.

Her thoughts wandered to the night before. It was devastating to see Clarke in such a bad place. To see someone she cared so much about so vulnerable, so small, so unlike themselves. She knew that Clarke was a strong person but she wasn't strong the night before, something had broken within her. Something had snapped. And Lexa could only hope that life was going to get better for Clarke. That life would be more gentle with her, that this was breaking point and Clarke could somehow manage to crawl her way back to sanity and achieve some level of happiness.

Maybe, with a little help, Clarke could.

After Raven and Clarke got up, Raven heading for her bathroom while the sound of the shower in Clarke's bathroom sounded, Clarke was the first out, subdued and quietly sitting at the breakfast bar after attempting to send Lexa a smile but failing miserably. Her energy flat and her eyes downcast. Lexa debated with herself for about thirty seconds before her elbows met the breakfast bar and she was leaning her face close to Clarke's, eyebrows pinching in concern and keeping her voice as low as she possibly could.

“Do you need anything?”

Clarke tilted her head until blue eyes were on her, piecing her. The color of Clarke's eyes lighter than normal, a special aqua tint to her usual sky blue eyes after a night of crying. Lexa searched the face that was only inches from hers, noticing Clarke's skin looked paler than usual.

“Like what?” Clarke's voice came out hoarse, her upset had obviously messed with her vocal chords and the sound made Lexa's heart clench.

Lexa swallowed, trying to keep her own turmoil away, this was about Clarke.

“I don't know,” Lexa licked her lips, attempting to lighten the mood, “A pancake?”

When she was awarded with a tiny but real smile, she couldn't help but grin. Warmth spreading through her chest. She released a sigh of relief. For a moment it felt like she'd never get to see that smile again but this was proof that it wasn't gone forever.

“I'm sorry that you're going through this, I...you deserve to be happy and...” Lexa bit her lip, trying to chose her words carefully, “If there's anything I...just, Clarke if you every want or need anything...just say the words and I...no questions asked, I'll help you. I just want you to be happy, I'd...Clarke, I'd do anything to make you happy.”

She waited with baited breath as the blonde's eyes searched her face, the limited distance between them feeling comforting and alarming at the same time. She felt Clarke's soft hand grab hers, her eyes dropping to their entwined fingers for a moment before fixing back on the blonde's.

“Okay,” Clarke whispered.

Lexa let out a breath, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders, one word and it made her entire world click into place. She nodded fiercely.

“Anything,” She enunciated, squeezing the blonde's hand.

Clarke nodded, leaning forward and resting her forehead against Lexa's. Lexa's eyes fluttered closed at the feeling. Lexa basked in the intimacy of it, the closeness. The feeling of home. It should worry her just how much Clarke meant to her but in that moment nothing else mattered but indulging in the feeling. She let her lips graze Clarke's cheek, just brushing against the skin.

“I'll always be here for you, Clarke,” She whispered against the soft skin, voice so quiet it was barely audible but she knew Clarke heard it when the blonde squeezed her hand.

The slapping sound of Raven's feet coming down the stairs made them open their eyes. Lexa levelling Clarke with a reassuring gaze before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and pulling away to notice the blonde's eyes had fluttered closed at the action.

“Hola señoritas,” Raven said, plonking into the seat next to Clarke and staring to towel dry her hair, completely oblivious to the heavy moment that was just shared, “What the fuck happened yesterday?”

Lexa smiled reassuringly, turning her attention back to Clarke and gesturing to the pancakes with a quirked eyebrow, silently asking if she wanted one and fixing her a plate after receiving a nod.

When it became clear Clarke wasn't comfortable in explaining, Lexa took it upon herself to save the blonde a reply, “Okay, if you're going to start greeting us like that then we're going to have to start calling you Dora again.”

Raven rolled her eyes with a huff, in turn making Lexa and Clarke catch eyes with matching looks of amusement but it didn't take long for Raven's sights to set back on her cousin, concern written all over her face, “What happened, Clarke?”

Lexa sympathized with Raven. She knew how desperate Raven was for Clarke to be okay. She knew how torn Raven was between trying to give Clarke what she needed and protecting Clarke from the world. How difficult Raven found it to pack away her natural instincts to be overprotective in order to be supportive of Clarke's choices.

Lexa watched as Raven observed Clarke carefully, tilting her head towards her cousin in camaraderie. And Clarke, to an innocent bystander, wouldn't seem to have reacted to her cousin's softly spoken words. But Lexa was no innocent bystander. Lexa knew Clarke better than that. And Lexa was tuned into Clarke. Acutely aware enough of all things Clarke to notice the slight recoil in her body language, to notice the marginal increase in her breathing. To see the subtle pinch between Clarke's eyebrows and the light dusting of pink on Clarke's cheeks.

“I made a mistake,” Clarke settled on hesitantly, eyes finding the counter after taking a brief, and somewhat strength taking, glance at Lexa.

Raven nodded slowly, seeming to be observing her cousin carefully, “Whatever you did, we can get through it. Okay?”

Clarke, shrinking into herself, replied quietly, “It's more like who I did.”

“Who?” Raven frowned, dark eyes searching Clarke's lowered face.

Clarke's lips pressed together in a firm line, the shaking of her head showing her reluctance to answer.

“You don't want me to know?” Raven questioned, expression taken aback. And Lexa understood, Clarke told Raven everything. Usually.

Clarke grimaced, voice smaller, “I'd rather not know.”

“That bad?” Raven said, smile sympathetic even as amusement crept into the edges of her tone, “It wasn't Octavia was it?”

Clarke's retort, whatever it might have been, was interrupted however, by a knock on the door. And Raven, responding to the knock, glanced back with a grimace of her own, clearly less than pleased after taking a look through the peep hole.

“What the fuck is Wick doing here?” Raven's words died on her tongue the moment she noticed Clarke's face fall into her hands, “Jesus, Clarke,” Raven voiced her disappointment, pulling open the door to come face to face with Kyle Wick, her next sentence coming out with false enthusiasm, “Hey, Wick! What can I do for you this morning? A coffee? Breakfast? My cousin, drunk, dressing on the side?”

Lexa's eyes widened along with Wick's. Raven's bluntness, although amusing, causing her to almost spit out her coffee. Lexa's focus turned to Clarke and, rounding the breakfast bar quickly, Lexa stood close to the blonde, hoping that her presence would offer somewhat of a comfort. A part of her couldn't help but to feel protective, like she needed to shield Clarke from Wick's very gaze - or just launch herself at Wick and repeatedly punch him in the face until her was sorry. But she swallowed down those emotions in order to help Clarke instead. Being overly protective or getting physical wasn't going to help, however much she wanted to. But being there for Clarke, being a person that was in Clarke's corner, someone for Clarke to emotionally fall back on, might.

Wick recovered quickly from him surprise, his features turning bitter and giving Lexa a bad feeling. Wick, although an obvious parasite to humanity, was always with a pleasant demeanor. This, this sour expression, was new.

“Whatever,” Wick barked, his eyes searching behind Raven until they fixed upon Clarke, “I'm only here because that bitch stole my wallet.”

Lexa cringed the moment the insult left Wick's mouth and she felt Clarke's body lean into hers at the impact, her own arm coming up on reflex to wrap around Clarke's slim waist. Letting Clarke take whatever physical comfort from her that she needed in that moment.

“That bitch you're calling thief is my cousin, jackass,” Raven snarled.

“She can keep the cash, she earnt it,” Wick retorted lewdly, sending a chill up Lexa's spine and creating a whole new level of awkwardness as well as adding to Raven's rage, “I just want my wallet.”

“What kind of asshole takes advantage of a girl that would usually be repulsed by him?”

“Calm down, Raven,” Wick rolled his eyes, “Clarke's up for anyone, you know that.”

And Lexa felt Clarke shiver against her side, embarrassment evident on her downcast face. Lexa squeezed her tighter, trying to keep Clarke from anger as well as reassure the blonde that Wick's words meant nothing. She was sure, after Clarke opening up to her last night, that his words would trigger a spiral of negative thoughts in the blonde's mind.

“You piece of shit!” Raven hissed, “We both know that Clarke wouldn't touch you with a fucking barge poll unless she was drunk enough to mistake you for Leonardo DiCaprio or high enough to think that your pencil dick would give her magic powers!”

“It was big enough for you,” Wick spat, tone laced with venom and making Lexa cringe before it turned snug, “Besides, she loved it and I have the video evidence to prove it.”

Lexa's cringe turned into bewilderment. Her eyes attempting to seek out Clarke's, hoping to find a shred of denial within the blues, but her gaze only met Clarke's hands as they covered her face. And Lexa felt bile rise in her throat, her gut sinking at the thought of Clarke being in such a vulnerable situation. Her hatred for Kyle Wick increasing tenfold because the asshole had done more than take advantage of Clarke being drunk, but actually filmed himself doing so.

She hugged Clarke tighter into her side on impulse, internally praying that Clarke didn't feel alone in that moment. She couldn't fathom how Clarke felt at the revelation. Disgusted? Degraded? Used? All of the above? Probably.

A deafening crack sounded through the house as Wick recoiled from Raven's closed fist. It made Lexa jump, her mouth dropping open in shock, never would she have thought that Raven would actually punch Kyle Wick. But between angry, red faced Kyle who was staggering backwards and Raven shaking out her punching hand, the evidence was indisputably there.

She shouldn't be surprised that Raven punched him. Raven did share genes with Clarke after all.

Lexa didn't know whether to be impressed or horrified. Impressed at Raven's fierce loyalty and the fact she could, according to the already forming bruise of Wick's cheek, pack a mean punch. Or horrified that Raven had just smacked her, admittedly obnoxious, co worker.

She settled on impressed as she caught eyes with Clarke, the blonde's wide, blue eyes shimmering with adoration for her cousin.

“You'll pay for that!”

Wick's words were spat rather that spoken, the underlying threat making Lexa's stomach churn in disgust. Vile fucking Kyle, living up to his nickname in more ways than one. Lexa grimaced at the thought. The audacity Wick had to take advantage of Clarke and then come over here guns blazing, making her beyond angry. But she swallowed it down, focusing on her one and only task: Clarke. Who's face pressed into her arm.

“Get the fuck off my property!” Raven screeched, practically chasing him away, “I don't know why the hell you would even make a sex tape when you suck at it!”

The front door slammed, leaving Raven panting with anger.

Lexa let out a breath laced with humor. Trust Raven Reyes, even at a time like this, to say something so utterly ridiculous. It was unfortunate that Clarke was in too much emotional distress to be able to see the absurdity, Lexa thought Clarke would've enjoyed it had she been able to.

But now was not the time for laughter, especially as Raven turned on her cousin with a look of pure disgust, “Really, Clarke? Kyle fucking Wick?”

Lexa's nose wrinkled automatically, “Don't say 'fucking'.”

The words left her mouth without permission from her brain, causing an eye roll from Raven and Clarke to bristle.

“Frankly, Raven, I don't think you can talk,” Clarke snarked, sounding intimidating even if her tone was colored with embarrassment, Raven's eyebrows raising on impact of the statement. Intimidating until her face paled considerably and a hand shot up to cover her mouth, her voice muffled, “I'm gonna be sick!”

Raven and Lexa locked eyes as Clarke sprinted to the bathroom. Both of the grimacing when they heard dry heaving followed by the contents of Clarke's stomach hitting the water in the toilet bowl. There went Lexa's fluffy pancakes, she supposed.

“Morning sickness doesn't happen that quick does it?” Lexa quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

But Raven's face only clouded as she let out a groan, “Jesus, Lexa. Don't even joke.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clarke's hand hadn't left the safety of hers in a while now. Not since they'd settled on the couch with Raven, steaming cups of cocoa on the coffee table. And Clarke was tense, eyes flitting everywhere and a stiffness to her posture that wasn't usually present. Lexa didn't blame her, this was going to be a difficult conversation.

“Firstly,” Raven regarded her cousin with a concerned look that was laced with mothering, “You didn't steal his wallet, right?”

Clarke's sharp gaze focused in on Raven as she scoffed, clearly insulted by the insinuation, “Of course not.”

“Good,” Raven nodded, lips quirking up at the bite in Clarke's tone for a second before her expression took on a more serious one, “What happened? Showing up to school trashed, sleeping with Wick? What's going on with you?”

Lexa felt Clarke freeze, the blonde's grip on her hand tightened, their palms pressing together. She observed Clarke quietly. Watching Clarke's hair fall into her face as she leant forward, eyes finding the coffee table in front of her. Clarke's brow furrowed and lips pressed into a thin, unhappy line until she took a deep breath.

“Just...” Her voice came out weak, breaking and her expression darkened, “I don't know, my mom and...I shouldn't of gone to school like that, I know, I just...”

Once again Clarke's lips pressed together firmly, a slight shake of her head indicating her inability to finish her sentence. Lexa noticed the worry lines within Clarke's pale, usually flawless, skin, her concern for the blonde peeking at the anguish.

“Drinking didn't work so I wanted to party,” Clarke continued lowly, “I wanted everything to just...stop.”

Raven's face pinched sympathetically, her hand coming to rest on Clarke's back, tone matching Clarke's quiet one, “Since when do you party with Wick?”

Clarke's teeth met her bottom lip, “Rae...he...that's where I get...”

Raven's questioning eyes flitted between Clarke's for a second before her eyebrows rose in realization, expression clouding, “That asshole sold you coke?”

Lexa's gut clenched at Raven's words like she'd been punched. The knowledge that Clarke was buying cocaine from the vile man making bile rise in her throat. And how long had this been going on? Because she knew that Clarke dabbled with cocaine ever since the first Raven Reyes party Lexa had been invited to. But to think Clarke was buying coke from Kyle Wick for probably even longer that that, unsettled her greatly.

Clarke's chin dipped as she nodded guiltily.

“Jesus,” Raven groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose, “And how did you end up horizontal?”

“Raven!” Clarke snapped, the tensing of her body making her nails dig into the back of Lexa's hand. A moment later Clarke's shoulders dropped as a deflated sigh left her, “I don't know, I was fucked but...I didn't want to feel anything and it wasn't working, so I just kept taking more and...”

Clarke choked a sob, unable to continue as tears fell down her cheeks. Lexa had half a mind wipe them away but Clarke's sleeve beat her to it as the blonde cleaned her face frustratedly.

“What happened?” Raven asked softly.

Clarke shrugged sadly, her face tilting up to meet Raven's gaze, eyes light and shimmering with wet tears, “I just wanted to feel better...so I said yes.”

The whispered words made Lexa shudder, heart breaking at just how bad Clarke had to have felt to say yes to Kyle.

“Oh Clarke,” Raven said, tone full of empathy and sadness, “I'm sorry you felt that bad.”

Clarke shook her head, “I didn't know that he filmed it though, I wouldn't of...I didn't say yes to that.”

“Fuck,” Raven cussed and it was clear the Latina was holding back a little rage, “I don't want you to go near him again, Clarke, seriously-”

“I won't,” Clarke cut her off with conviction, a hard, determined expression in place.

Lexa believed her. After last night, after the things Clarke said, after seeing how much Clarke beat herself up over the situation, Lexa believed that Clarke would stay away from Kyle. That Clarke would try to stay away from the drinking, the sex, the partying. That Clarke would try to get better. And by the look on Raven's face, she believed Clarke too.

The moment was interrupted by Anya, coming through the front door like she owned the place and sinking down onto the empty couch. She gave Clarke and Lexa's join hands a glance over, expression unimpressed.

“Well aren't you two cute,” Anya said, tone dripping with sarcasm before she focused her attention on Raven, “You ready to go?”

“Oh, fuck,” Raven's face dropped, attention flitting between Anya and Clarke, obviously torn, “I totally forgot we had plans, I...”

“It's fine,” Clarke interrupted, a smirk coming to her face, “You should go, you definitely deserve some fun after your fist fight.”

“First fight?” Anya sat up straighter, staring daggers into the side of Raven's head as the Latina shot Clarke a dirty look.

“I punched Kyle Wick,” Raven sighed in defeat.

Anya grinned in triumph, confusing Clarke and Lexa until she explained, “I bet her that she would, now she owes me twenty bucks.”

And with that, Raven was pulling a wad of cash out of her bra, thumbing through the notes and plucking out a twenty dollar bill before handing it to Anya as Clarke watched on with a frown.

“You keep money in you bra?” She asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Yeah,” Raven shrugged nonchalantly, “Why? What do you keep in yours?”

“My tits,” Clarke dead panned, eyebrows raising slightly and causing Anya and Lexa to laugh while Raven stared on in annoyance.

With a roll of her eyes Raven's expression turned more serious, “Are you sure you'll be okay if I go?”

Clarke nodded, glancing briefly at Lexa and sending her cousin a reassuring smile, “I've got Lexa.”

And Lexa would be lying if she said the statement didn't make her heart pitter patter.

- - - - - - - - - - -

A short time later found Clarke ad Lexa relaxing on the couch, using the arm rest as a pillow. Enjoying each others company after the intense level of emotion that had been blanketed over them since the previous night.. Lexa's arm wound tighter around Clarke's middle, pulling her little spoon into her more firmly.

Lexa was the one to break the silence, voicing her inner musings into the relaxed atmosphere, “Were you ever close with your mom?”

It wasn't something she thought about often, Clarke's mother. Usually it was a topic to avoid since Lexa found the woman's treatment of Clarke so infuriating. But there was something about curling up on the couch with Clarke that gave her mind the safety to wander onto the harder topics. She felt Clarke fidget in front of her, the blonde's hair tickling her nose like usual.

“No,” Clarke said but not sadly, as Lexa expected it to be, the word spoken more like a fact, “She wanted to be a doctor, not a mother but my dad always wanted a family. I wasn't planned but when she got pregnant they compromised, he got a baby and she got to stay at work.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa frowned.

“My mom worked right up until her due date, went back to work a few days after I was born.”

“That doesn't seem healthy.”

“It isn't. I'd never be able to do that, to leave my baby...” Clarke trailed off, a sad undercurrent to her tone that made Lexa hug her tighter.

The moment settled, Clarke pressing back into Lexa for some comfort before she spoke again, “What about your birth mom?”

Lexa's mind drifted to her birth mother and the years they'd spent together. Angelina Carey wasn't an unkind woman, nor an unloving mother. But that didn't fog Lexa's mind from the bad times. The times when the heat went out and she wet to bed cold, even her best blanket not being enough to shield her underweight form from the winter. The times when Angelina would disappear for days at a time, leaving the kitchen bare and Lexa's tummy grumbling. The times when all the kids were picked up by their parents bar one, the empty space where her mother should be, making Lexa take the long trek home from school on her own only to find Angelina passed out on the couch from whatever drug she'd brought that day, whatever drug that had won out against picking Lexa up from school in importance.

With Indra it'd been different. It took Lexa a long time to understand. Seeing how Indra acted with herself and Anya was eye opening at first, Lexa couldn't comprehend parents that put their children above all else, it was completely new to her. Having never known her biological father, it was easier for Lexa to bond with Gustus. He was the only dad she'd even known and he filled the shoes greatly. With Indra, however, it was a different story. It took a long time for the anger to fade, for Lexa to understand that Indra wasn't trying to replace Angelina, that Lexa could have more than one mom. That it was okay to get close to Indra, that it wasn't a tarnish to her mother's memory.

After that Lexa's anger changed course, focused directly on Angelina. Angry that her mom couldn't of been normal, that she could be so selfish. Seeing that this new family's behavior wasn't unusual just added to it, steering Lexa into a constant swirl of anger and guilt. Anger that her mother didn't care for her properly, anger that her mother chose drugs over her and guilt for feeling anything negative towards the woman who gave her life, the woman who could no longer argue her case. The woman that Lexa had found white as snow and covered in her own vomit after a fatal drug overdose.

But, with a lot of help from Indra and Gustus, that anger and guilt slowly turned into acceptance. And now she understood why Angelina was the way she was and Lexa knew that she didn't have to agree with the choices Angelina made in order to be able to look back fondly at some of the memories they'd shared. She no longer had to carry around that negativity, that hurt.

“We...weren't not close,” Lexa decided on, finding it hard to word the relationship her and Angelina had once shared, “She didn't not love me, she just...she loved drugs a little more.”

“That's terrible, Lexa.”

“No,” Lexa frowned, eyes finding purchase on the back of Clarke's head, mentally sorting the lighter strands of hair from the darker, “I mean yeah, but she wanted to look after me, she just couldn't. She was really young and she didn't have the knowledge or the skills to care for herself, certainly not a child.”

“Do you think things would be different if she'd had you when she was older?”

“I don't know,” Lexa shrugged, “Maybe...maybe if she hadn't discovered heroin too.”

“We should make a pact,” Clarke mused, “To never turn out like our mothers.”

“We should,” Lexa said, a soft smile spreading across her features, “Do you want kids?”

She felt Clarke fidget again and after a moment of silence Clarke's voice came out more distant, “Do you?”

Lexa's mind immediately fell to Madison and her smile grew, “Yeah, I do.”

Chapter Text

24. Holy Shh

She'd slept in Clarke's bed. She hadn't planned on it but after Clarke had turned to face her, nuzzling her nose under Lexa's chin and drifted off to sleep, Lexa had nudged her, whispering into her hair that it was time for bed. And Clarke had blinked up at her with those bright, blue eyes and asked Lexa to stay with her. Suffice to say, Lexa was a sucker for those eyes and for the girl who owned them. She definitely didn't have it in her to say no, so she'd ended up in Clarke's bed, hugging the blonde tight as they both drifted off to sleep.

If she was being honest with herself, it was something she could really get used to. Going to sleep with Clarke and waking up to her in the morning, elbow in her face and all. It was the little details that she savored each time she found herself in that situation.

The way Clarke would always hog the covers, tucking them beneath her feet and making it impossible for Lexa to get more however much she tugged on them. The way Clarke would complain about needing to use the bathroom but drift off to sleep before she could get herself out of bed, making Lexa chose between spending twenty minutes coaxing Clarke out of bed to relieve herself or be woken up in the middle of the night to Clarke, not so quietly, making her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Clarke's constant mumbling in her sleep, reminding her of a toddler because it was something she had seen Madison do before too.

And yes, sleeping next to Clarke had a certain kind of appeal. Having Clarke's soft, warm body pressed up against her all night, the feel of Clarke's silky skin...yeah, there was definitely a certain appeal. But that wasn't all it was for Lexa. It was the domesticity of it all. It was the being comfortable enough with someone to fall easily into a comfortable routine. The feeling of getting used to sleeping next to someone.

Lexa's mind briefly wandered to a white picket fence. To a diamond ring. To children with blonde hair and blue eyes, to one particular child with baby blue eyes and a fantastic mane of dark curls. But she was pulled from her thoughts by her phone chiming with a text message. Her mind clearing, she realized her gaze had narrowed in on Clarke's breasts and, eyes sweeping over the globes, she looked away, seeking out her phone.

Clarke: Nice view?

Lexa's eyes snapped up to where the blonde was sitting on the opposite couch, eyebrow quirked and a smirk on her face. Lexa grinned, rolling her eyes and causing Clarke to giggle, the sound giving Lexa butterflies as Raven plonked down next to Clarke, mug of coffee in hand as she slung her arm over her cousins shoulders.

“What's on the menu today, Clarkey?” Raven smiled, “To school or not to school?”

Clarke grimaced, “I think I'm going to give it another day at home, if that's okay?”

“Sure,” Raven shrugged, taking a slurp of coffee and making Clarke wrinkle her nose, “Just make sure to get O to bring you your work.”

“Thanks, Rae,” Clarke smiled weakly.

“Anytime,” Raven said softly, palm smoothing over the back of Clarke's hair before pressing their heads together, “You know I'm proud of you, right?”

Clarke's eyes fell shut, simply nodding as she nuzzled her head closer into the comfort of her cousin.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Marcus?” Lexa paused, unsure of how to ask about this particular topic.

The day had been a good one, with Clarke on the mend and Lexa in a good place with everyone that mattered to her. Clarke doing better meant that Raven was happier and Raven being happier meant Anya being happier too. And anything that made Anya happier was a definite plus.

She'd handed in her notice at work. It was time. And although she'd love to blame Clarke or even Madison for her decision, they weren't the reason. The truth was that she didn't enjoy teaching. She admired people who did but it just wasn't her thing. And she wanted to put her time and effort into things that were important to her. Things like Madison. Things like Anya and Raven. Things like Clarke. And, after playing around with a few ideas, the knowledge that she definitely had another book in her helped her to pluck up the courage to finally quit. It would take them a few weeks to find a replacement for her, of course, but she felt a sense of relief anyway. It was the right thing to do for her.

She'd picked Madison up from daycare after work, like usual. Only today Marcus had decided to grace them with his presence and treat Lexa to a cake and cup of coffee at Grounder's before he needed to shoot off for work.

And for some time now, Lexa had wanted to ask about Madison's parents. She knew little to nothing. Apart from the little details about her mommy that Madison had shared, all Lexa knew was that Madison's mom wasn't around. Her dad, never mentioned. But wanting to ask about it and finding the right words to turned out to be very different things. One a natural curiosity, the other a point of sensitivity.

But, after a glance down at the sleeping toddler in her arms, Lexa took a big breath and put on her metaphorical big girl panties, “I was wondering if I could ask about Madison's parents?”

From where he was sitting, opposite Lexa, Marcus' relaxed expression fell, “I'm afraid I don't know much but what did you have in mind?”

The question caused Lexa to pause. Perhaps she hadn't thought that far ahead, what did she want to know? Everything. But everything was hard to funnel into specific questions. Questions that would give her access to the mysteries of Madison's past. Questions that would give her the answers she sought.

She decided to start small, work up to the topic that Lexa deemed most important.

“What do you know about Madison's dad?”

Marcus' eyes flicked down to the toddler in question before finding purchase on Lexa, his demeanor quaint at the heavy topic, “I'm afraid his identity is unknown.”

Lexa frowned. Unknown? She didn't understand. Unknown as in Madison's mother wasn't aware of who she'd been with? A drunken one night stand? Or, Lexa swallowed, there was more than one possibility? Her grip on Madison tightened subconscious as Lexa tried to process the new information.

“And...” Lexa paused in an attempt to regain her composure in order to ask the bigger question, “And her mother?”

“Gone,” Marcus said swiftly, eyes meeting the table as her shifted uncomfortably.

Lexa wanted more information. 'Gone' wasn't exactly very eye opening, so she pressed on tentatively, “What happened?”

“She was young, much too young to raise a baby,” Marcus explained, “The pregnancy was accidental but she had her baby. She couldn't cope, she didn't realize how much effort she'd have to put in and it wasn't the life she wanted. She wasn't looking after Madison very well.”

Lexa frowned once again. The thought of Madison not being cared for properly, cutting her deep. Lexa herself would do just about anything to make sure the toddler was cared for and happy so she could hardly comprehend Madison not being a priority.

“What happened?” Lexa asked, forcing some steadiness into her voice.

Marcus sighed, his own turmoil over the situation becoming apparent, “She left.”

“She...she just left?” Lexa asked incredulously. How anyone could abandon the toddler was beyond her.

Marcus nodded sadly, “Yes. She was in over her head and decided not to be in Madison's life anymore.”

Lexa swallowed the new information down, trying not to let her heartbreak become a focus for her, “Where did she go?”

“She moved in with a relative, we haven't heard much from her since.”

Lexa's eyes fell to Madison's face. Relaxed in her sleep. Her long, dark lashes a stark contrast to her pale skin where they rested on her cheeks. Her face half pressed into Lexa's chest, breathing deeply as she slept peacefully.

A moment later and Marcus was out of his seat, “I hate to dash but...”

“It's okay,” Lexa waved off his concern, sending him a weak smiled, “We're meeting Anya for dinner soon.”

Marcus nodded, expression grateful, “Thank you for your help, Lexa.”

Lexa didn't want to be thanked, she wanted to be a permanent fixture in Madison's life. But she smiled politely in reply and gave him a wave as he left before letting her thoughts run away with her.

One thing didn't add up. If Madison's mother cared for her so little that she could abandon her, then why did Madison remember her so fondly?

Their depictions didn't add up.

Marcus' being a young girl who wasn't interested in her daughter, abandoning her to live a life without her. And Madison's a calm, loving mother who showed her how to make daisy chains and taught her to be kind.

- - - - - - - - - -

“So,” Anya begun in her usual drawl, “You broke up with Costia.”

Lexa rolled her eyes at the statement, readjusting Madison in her lap, “Now you learn her name.”

Anya's lips quirked in amusement, “Did you break up with her to take another dip in the kiddie pool?”

Lexa flushed at the crude wording, at times she really hated her sister, “Anya!”

“Sorry!” Anya apologized but the smirk on her face was anything but apologetic, “I mean, did you break up with Costia to take another run at barbie?”

“Clarke and I are just friends,” Lexa scoffed, taking a moment to make sure Madison could reach the side of fruit and vegetables she'd ordered, even if the toddler seemed perfectly capable of helping herself to Lexa's fries. Still, it's the thought that counted, right?

“Sure,” Anya teased, smirk planted, “I cuddle up in bed every night with my friends too,” Anya's eyes remained fixed on her fries until Lexa's unimpressed expression caught her attention, Anya shrugged, “What? Raven talks.”

Of course she did, Lexa shook her head in irritation. She wasn't annoyed that Raven talked to Anya about her and Clarke, Raven's openness was one of the qualities Lexa admired most in her friend. It was the fact that yes, Anya's go to response was teasing but after that she'd want answers and Lexa wasn't sure that she could explain what was going on with her and Clarke at the moment, unsure herself. She went for safe, “It isn't anything, Ahn.”

Anya levelled her with knowing look, “It isn't nothing either.”

“To answer your question,” Lexa grumbled, “Yes, I ending things with Costia but not to try again with Clarke.”

Anya nodded, attention falling back onto her food, “Shame, I always liked her.”

“Clarke?” Lexa frowned.

“No, Costia.”

“What?” Lexa exclaimed, her movement jostling Madison, much to the toddlers dismay. With a dirty look sent from bright, blue eyes that were framed with long, dark lashes, Lexa pressed a kiss to the toddler's cheek in apology before turning back to her sister, “You were the one telling me from the beginning that dating Costia was a bad idea.”

“So?” Anya smirked in amusement, “What do I know?”

“Really?”

Anya shrugged, eyes sweeping over Lexa to land on Madison, “How about we let the wise one decide? Hey, kid. Should Lexa be with Costia or Clarke?”

Madison frowned up at Anya regarding her with a deadly serious expression until a little smile graced her face, “Kark.”

“Smart kid, here have a curly fry,” Anya nodded her agreement, satisfied as she passed a curly fry from her plate into Madison's waiting hand.

“Seriously?” Lexa rolled her eyes before her thoughts drifted to Anya's unusual order, “And since when do you order curly fries over regular fries?”

Anya leant back in her sent, her own smile spreading across her face, “Since my life turned out to be curly fries.”

“Are you talking about Raven again?” Lexa teased, lips quirking.

“You bet.”

“I'm glad you're happy.”

“Don't get sappy on me,” Anya narrowed her eyes.

Lexa rolled her eyes, “You're the one getting sappy.”

“So, why did you break up with her?”

Lexa bit her lip, why did she break up with Costia? She wanted to answer honestly, she wanted her sister to know where her head was at. And it was simple really, the reason for her ending things with Costia, “I have feelings for Clarke.”

“Duh,” Anya dead panned, expression bored as she shoved some fries into her mouth.

But Lexa wasn't deterred, continuing as if Anya hadn't butted in, “And I realized that Clarke might be it for me.”

That caught Anya's attention and brown eyes, full of surprise, snapped to hers, “That's...big,”

Lexa nodded, it was big, “I don't know what it means or even if I'll ever get the chance to see but I know I want to and for now...that's enough for me.”

Anya stared at her for a long moment, as if she were searching Lexa's eyes for answers before she visibly relaxed. Her expression shirting to pointed, “Clarke's more into you than you realize.”

The statement caught her off guard. Heart pounding in her chest at the possible implications of what that could mean. Did Anya know more about Clarke's feelings than Lexa realized? Like Anya said, Raven talks, after all. Her reply got caught in her throat when a little hand clutched hers.

“Lessa, no more,” Madison said softly, her flat expression taking a dismissive glance at her unwanted plate of veggies.

Lexa's focus was consumed by the toddler in an instant. Hand smoothing over Madison's tummy in comfort, “No? Just a little more?”

And although Lexa's intentions were good, her gentle coaxing wasn't received well as Madison's wild, brunette locks danced with a shake of her head, “No, thank you.”

It was becoming an issue. Madison and food. The little girl had never had much of an appetite, not since Lexa had known her, at least. But she'd always been happy to snack on whatever Lexa was eating, those snacks making up enough of a meal to keep the toddler nourished. Until now. Now Madison wouldn't graze, she'd only eat enough to keep her grumbling tummy from protesting and then she'd refuse the rest. It was certainly a tender issue and when pushed Madison seemed to eat less. Still, Lexa knew that if she downplayed it then she might be able to persuade Madison into a little more. She had to try.

“How about some grapes?”

“No,” Madison said, sending Lexa a dirty look, thoroughly unimpressed, “They 'upposed to be red.”

Well, who was Lexa to disagree? Madison clearly knew what was what, when it came to the proper color of grapes at least, “I see. And carrots? How about carrots?”

Madison's eyes swept over Lexa's face, full of suspicion before landing on the offending carrots. It took a long moment for the toddler to asses the obviously hazardous vegetable. Eventually she nodded her dubious consent, deeming the carrots worthy.

And Lexa suppressed a sigh of relief while she passed the orange stick into a tiny hand. Sending a quiet thank you to the carrot Gods, Lexa's attention fell back to her sister and their unfinished business, “What do you mean she's more into me than I realize?”

Anya shrugged, attention still on Madison as she popped one of the toddlers dis-guarded grapes into her mouth, “She talks about you to Raven.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, unimpressed with her sisters nonchalance, “C'mon, you can't say that without giving me any details.”

Anya's eyes flashed with something akin to fear as she rapidly shook her head, “Nuh uh, Raven would have my head.”

Anya's obedience caused Lexa to raise her eyebrows in surprise, she'd never known anyone to cause such an impression on her sister before. Still, it wasn't the Woods' way to pass up such an ample teasing opportunity, “Whipped.”

“Whatever,” Anya grumbled, “But I'm right about Clarke.”

“Lessa,” Madison whispered quietly. So quietly that Lexa wouldn't of caught it if she wasn't already adapt at listening out for the toddler. She dipped her head down to show her interest in whatever Madison wanted to say, Madison's big, blue eyes meeting hers and holding their unique brand of shyness within, “I sit on Anna?”

Lexa's eyebrows rose in surprise at the toddlers query. Madison had never wanted anyone one else while Lexa was around before. The request made her heart flutter, a smile spreading across her face at the progress. Not only did it mean that Anya had been consistent enough for the toddler to feel comfortable with her, but also that Lexa had succeeded in making herself a trusted enough base for Madison that she felt safe enough to extend her existence beyond Lexa's hip. And with one glance at her, ecstatic looking, sister, Lexa nodded.

“Of course,” She grinned, scooping the little girl up and passing her over the table to Anya. Who immediately hugged the toddler to her chest.

“I knew she liked me best,” Anya smiled smugly, having slight trouble with her attempt to arrange Madison on her lap.

Lexa grinned, attention focused on Madison as the toddler adjusted in Anya's embrace. She missed having Madison in the safety of her arm, where she could feel the toddler breathing when she focused on the rhythmic movement. But she was beyond happy with the turn of events.

“What's up with Clarke anyway?” Anya asked, eyes fixing on Lexa over the top of Madison's wild mane, “Raven said she went dark.”

That was one way to put it, Lexa supposed. She always associated Clarke with the light. Her looks, obviously. Light blonde hair, light blue eyes, light, porcelain skin. But it was more than that. It was Clarke's natural easiness, her light hearted teasing, the general sense of home that symbolized Clarke for Lexa. So indeed, the sporadic behavior, the spiraling thoughts, the intense negativity that came with Clarke's times of need, could be seen as dark. Dark mood, dark thoughts. Like a dark cloud materializing over the blondes head and refusing to leave until Clarke clawed her way passed the darkness, back into the light that kept her going.

“I don't know,” Lexa breathed out sadly, “Her mom isn't so great, you know?”

Anya nodded, seemingly somewhat aware of the situation with Clarke's mom. Perhaps Raven talked 'Clarke' to Anya in more ways than just romantic feelings, Anya sighed, “We're lucky with Indra.”

“We are,” Lexa smiled at the thought of their mother. Indra would certainly go all 'mama bear' if she were ever privy to how Clarke's mom spoke to her, “Clarke could do with an Indra.”

A smile graced Anya's face as she pulled her gaze from Madison to Lexa, “Maybe she's got one, mom was pretty smitten with Clarke when she visited.”

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed with a laugh, “At least Clarke didn't call me a dish in front of Indra.”

Anya scowled in fake annoyance before a challenge came to her eyes, “Raven didn't introduce herself as my lover though.”

Lexa grimaced, unable to argue with that, “Touché.”

Anya paused thoughtfully before she spoke again, “Do you think Clarke will be okay?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Lexa nodded, watching as Madison meticulously lined up her carrots, each of her movements careful and a look of pure concentration on her face, “Well...as okay as someone can be after getting naked with Kyle Wick.”

Anya's face twisted in disgust, “I think Clarke needs to be knocked down a peg or two on Aden's hotness scale for that one.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose, “If that's the case then Raven too.”

“Ugh,” Anya groaned, “Don't remind me.”

Lexa chuckled, focusing back onto the main question, “I think Clarke shocked herself, maybe she didn't think she was capable of that but she's determined to be okay.”

“Makes sense, I know Clarke finds Wick disgusting so she must've been beyond trashed,” Anya said. And Lexa was glad, glad that Anya understood Clarke. Glad that Anya could be sympathetic to Clarke. Anya tipped her head back, narrowing her eyes, “You're going to help her right?”

Lexa couldn't help the dopey smile from spreading across her face, she met Anya's gaze with a nod, “I am.”

It only took a second for Anya's expression to morph into teasing, “'Cause you want her to have your babies?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, laughter bubbling at just how ridiculous her sister was, her words and the expression on her face only being made funnier by the stoic toddler in her lap, “Because I want her to be happy.”

“So sappy,” Anya said, proceeding to make gagging sounds that made Madison's eyes widen, “Makes me sick.”

“Like you're any better with Raven,” Lexa retorted with a scoff.

“Hey! Don't bring me into this!”

“I believe I just did,” Lexa quipped, pursing her lips in amusement.

“Whatever, you're sappier,” Anya grumbled, eyes falling to the back of Madison's head, “Who is the sappier one, rugrat, me or Lexa?”

Madison got pulled from her quiet humming by the question. Her quizzical eyes dancing between Anya and Lexa. Expression hard as she obviously took her job very seriously. After a long moment her eyes fixed on Lexa, her face brightening, “Mama!”

And, for a moment, Lexa's world stopped. One word. One monumental word that meant everything. That made her heart clench. That made her breath quicken. That gave her a glimpse into the life she really wanted. And it was earth shattering.

“Holy fuck!”

Lexa's mouth, quicker than her brain, caught up, “Anya!”

But, sister scolding aside, holy fuck indeed.

Chapter Text

25. Promises

When Lexa woke up she could feel Clarke's eyes on her face. The stillness of the room along with Clarke's gentle breathing, lulling her and letting her hold onto the blissfully relaxed state of sleep for a little while longer.

She didn't open her eyes before she let a smile come to her face, “You know it's creepy to watch someone while they sleep right?”

She felt a quick breath hit her face at Clarke's exhaling laugh, “I'm creepy am I?”

“Definitely,” Lexa said, holding in a laugh of her own, “You've always been creepy.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm, I wouldn't be surprised if you had locks of my hair and everything.”

“I see...” Lexa could hear the amusement in Clarke's voice, “And what exactly is you evidence?”

Lexa opened one eye, getting hit immediately by the halting image of Clarke's bright, blue eyes and smiling face. Clarke really was beautiful. But Lexa's smirk remained firmly in place, “Well you were just watching me sleep.”

“Maybe I am a little bit obsessed with you,” Clarke teased before her expression softened. Her eyes falling for a second and when they returned to Lexa's, holding an openness that wasn't there before, a vulnerability, “You're so beautiful, Lexa.”

Lexa's mouth fell open a little bit. The mere heaviness of the moment hitting her straight in the heart. It took Clarke a lot to open up, to be open with anyone. Yet here she was, practically putting her heart on the line by calling Lexa beautiful. And in Lexa's mind it only made Clarke more beautiful.

Clarke shrugged after a moment had passed without a reply from Lexa, a light blush forming on her cheeks as her voice grew even quieter “I could look at you all day.”

“This old thing?” Lexa whispered, a smile taking over her face, “I've had it a while.”

Clarke's expression immediately lightened, a giggle leaving her even as she rolled her eyes, smacking Lexa's arm, “Idiot.”

“Mhm, I am,” Lexa grinned, “That has been proven.”

“Oh?” Clarke said, resting her chin on her upturned hand, eyes sliding across Lexa's face.

“I had a really pretty girl once,” Lexa said, volume dropping, it was her turn to be vulnerable, “And I let her go.”

Clarke frowned, chin dipping as she lost eye contact. Voice coming out small, “She pushed you away.”

“She did,” Lexa nodded with a bite of her lip, fingers finding Clarke's chin and gently coaxing her gaze, meeting it with a soft one of her own, “But I didn't fight.”

Clarke's expression softened further. Eyes boring into Lexa's as she stared at her in wonder. For a moment Lexa thought that this would be the point where Clarke would clam up. The she'd be able to see Clarke's walls being built, brick my brick. But to her surprise, Clarke's expression didn't morph into the guarded one she often wore and instead a smirk took it's place.

“Just how pretty are we talking?”

Lexa let out a laugh, humorous but laced with relief that Clarke hadn't shut herself away, “The prettiest, especially when she doesn't try.”

The statement caught Clarke's attention, blue eyes filling with amusement as well as question as she quirked a perfectly shaped eyebrow, “Really? You don't like her dressed up?”

“No, I do,” Lexa said a little too quickly before catching herself, a chuckle leaving her as she laughed at her own eagerness, “She looks amazing dressed up. Heels...make up,” Lexa licked her lips, thoughts drifting to Clarke in a dress, a dress that stuck to her curves deliciously, a dress that showed just enough cleavage to make Lexa...she shook her head, clearing her thoughts, “Yeah...but her in her pajamas, hair messy and make up free?...She's just...”

Lexa's thoughts almost drifted again before they were caught by Clarke's giggled, a teasing look on her face, “A girl that can do it all huh? Sounds like you got lucky.”

“Mhm,” Lexa smirked, snaking a hand under the comforter to pinch Clarke's side and make her giggle, “She's humble too.”

She carried on tickling Clarke, wanting to prolong the melodic sound of the girls laugh for as long as she could. And once that laughter had simmered a softer, more intimate look settled on the blonde's face. Tipping her chin up so their eyes could meet, Clarke smiled.

“Thank you for sleeping with me, Lexa.”

“It was pretty difficult,” Lexa's lips ticked in amusement, “And there was hardly anything in it for me.”

For a moment Clarke was confused, until the double meaning of her words sank in and she let out a throaty laugh, “Get your mind out of the gutter, I didn't mean it like that...I just, with everything going on I...I don't think I'd sleep as well on my own.”

Lexa's hand came up, gently pinching Clarke's cheek before cupping her face, fingers weaving through soft hair, “Anytime, pretty girl.”

Clarke giggled, head shaking as she gazed down at Lexa with a blissful smile. But Lexa wanted Clarke to hear her, she wanted Clarke to know how serious she was.

“I mean it, Clarke,” She said more firmly, "I'd do anything for you.”

Clarke's expression took on that softness again, that look of wonder. The one that seemed like Clarke thought Lexa was too good to be true. But that look of openness soon turned teasing as Clarke's eyes clouded with amusement.

“Great, a back massage would be nice and I take my eggs sunny side up when you're ready.”

Lexa's eye roll was automatic but her fondness shone through, “You're impossible.”

Clarke's lips pursed mischievously, “You said anything.”

“I did.”

“Are you telling me that anything excludes breakfast foods?”

I'd make you breakfast every day if it meant a forever with you...No. Lexa probably shouldn't say that, however much she meant it, “Maybe I'm just not as adept at making pop tarts as you are.”

“C'mon,” Clarke teased, tone suggestive, expression naughty and rolling her hips tantalizingly against Lexa, “Are you really complaining about what I serve for breakfast.”

Lexa's mouth went dry, her hands finding Clarke's hips to stop their roll. Heat shooting straight to her core at just how sexy Clarke could be when she tired. Her mind immediately remembering what exactly Clarke's 'breakfasts' had to offer and just how much she wanted to eat.

“On second thought I love you breakfasts,” Lexa bit her lip, hands smoothing from Clarke's hip around to grip her ass, “Best damn breakfast I ever had.”

Clarke laughed, rolling her eyes but the moment their gazes met, the laughter simmered. The moment becoming intense as their faces inched closer. Lexa's breath catching in her throat as Clarke's teeth snagged her lower lip.

The were so close to kissing. With Clarke's breath tickling her lips and the heated look in her blue eyes, Lexa thought they would. And she wanted nothing more. But the moment was rudely interrupted by an incoming text on Lexa's phone. Lexa barely noticed, but it was enough to make Clarke pull back, sending Lexa a somewhat shy smile as she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her body rolling off Lexa's and landing on the bed beside her.

“You better get that.”

With a huff and a serious pout, that made Clarke giggle, Lexa reached for her phone. Checking the message quickly, “Holy fuck.”

“What?” Clarke asked, leaning over to read the text for herself.

Costia: Did you hear about Kyle Wick getting fired?

Clarke's eyes widened, their eyes meeting with matching looks of shock before they both uttered one word, “Raven.”

They were out of the room in the next moment, Lexa hot on Clarke's heels as the blonde practically stormed into the kitchen where they came across Raven and Anya, eating cereal.

“Look where Lexa slept, again.”

Lexa could hear the smirk in her sister's voice but she ignored it. Along with the fact that Anya was here again instead of at her hotel. It almost made her roll her eyes, if she weren't to busy focusing on the unfolding situation with Clarke and Raven.

Clarke turned on Raven in an instant, “You got Wick fired.”

Raven's eyes slid from Clarke to Lexa and back, her casual persona not faltering, “Maybe.”

“Seriously, Raven?!” Clarke snapped, hands landing on her hips.

“I might have left an anonymous statement with the cops suggesting he's into drugs.”

“You got him arrested?!” Clarke's eyes widened considerably, expression one of shock, “Raven, you shouldn't of said anything. You-”

“C'mon, Clarke,” Raven spoke firmly, setting her cereal down and facing Clarke head on, expression nothing but serious, “I wasn't going to let him get away with taking advantage of you.”

Lexa had never seen Raven like this before. She was used to her friend being comical, sometimes grumpy but never so passionately serious. It reminded Lexa of a scolding but caring mother, someone who was firm in her beliefs and would argue her points for the sake of her loved one. Her loved one, in this case, being Clarke. Who's face fell in dejection.

“He- Raven, I said yes, I...” Clarke's teeth sunk into her bottom lip, posture slumping as if she wanted to make herself smaller, when she spoke again her voice coming out more quietly but with a steadier edge, “However drunk I was, I wanted him to-” She paused, tears brimming in her eyes, “Raven, I can't fuck up anyone else's life.”

“You didn't, Clarke,” Raven's tone softened as well as her firm expression, “I did.”

Clarke didn't move, as if she hadn't heard the words but a moment later, Lexa saw the tears that were falling, Clarke's voice cracking with sadness, “Because of me.”

And seeing Clarke like this. So upset at the prospect of hurting someone, caring more about ruining someone else life, reminded her of who Clarke really was. Of how much Clarke cared.

Raven shook her head, taking the few steps forward that she needed in order to reach for Clarke's hands, taking them into her own, “Because he supplies girls with coke, lets them get trashed, uses them and films it.”

“You shouldn't of-”

“Are you forgetting that he has a tape of you, Clarke?” Raven cut her off.

“No, I...but I, Raven,” Clarke shook her head, “I said yes.”

“To being filmed?” Raven said, an edge of annoyance coming into her tone, ducking to meet Clarke's eyes.

More tears fell as Clarke's chin dipped, eyes meeting the floor as she shook her head no.

“You want that to happen to someone else? What if he did it to me? Or O? Or M-”

“Stop!” Clarke shouted, head snapping up and eyes meeting Raven, flashing with anger.

“Seriously, Clarke,” Raven said more softly, “You can't see this because it was you but that guy needed to go away. I did the right thing.”

Clarke's anger faded fast, a sob leaving her hoarse throat, “I know...I would've if it was Octavia...I just, I don't want to hurt anyone else.”

“I know,” Raven breathed out a sigh, stepping closer to Clarke to gather the blonde into her arms, hugging her tightly when Clarke's sobs burrowed into the side of her neck, “I know, baby. But this isn't you hurting someone, this is someone hurting you.”

Lexa's gaze found Anya, sharing a look of concern with her sister. But however equally concerned they were, there was nothing they could do. All they could hope for was that their presence in the kitchen was supportive as Clarke shook in her cousin's comforting embrace.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Little one?” Lexa mused, lying back on the blanket that she'd set out for her and Madison to frolic on – only after paying tribute to Madison's beloved duckies, of course. She wasn't sure if it was morally sound to question the toddler, but after her talk with Marcus, Lexa wanted to know more and who better to go to than the source itself, “Will you tell me about your mommy?”

Madison's bright blue eyes fixed on Lexa's. Eyebrows pinching and expression stoic as she was pulled from her task of building a tower from the grass she was pulling out of the ground with her little hands.

Lexa noticed the confusion in the little girl's eyes, “What do you remember?”

Madison pursed her lips, thinking for a long moment before her attention fixed on Lexa, “Cuddles.”

“Yeah?” Lexa's eyebrows rose in surprise, “Your mommy cuddled you a lot?”

Madison nodded, sure of herself. After a thoughtful pause adding, “And kisses.”

“Cuddles and kissed are the best,” Lexa smiled softly, “What else?”

“Um,” Madison's little hand came up, finger tapping on her chin, “Draw together.”

Lexa knew that Madison loved coloring, it made her wonder if that's where her love of it came from. From her and her mommy drawing together. It was both sad and lovely that the little girl still did it, sad that she couldn't have fun coloring with her mommy but lovely that Madison was still interested in it. Maybe it made her feel closer to her mommy, “What did you draw?”

“Mommy drawed me,” Madison said, a private smile on her face along with wide eyes and a finger pointed into her own chest indicating that she thought that was a very big deal indeed, “And I color.”

It made Lexa grin. The though of Madison spending lazy days coloring while her mommy drew her, making a warmth spread through her chest, “You're the best at coloring.”

For a moment, Lexa was at a loss for words. She wanted to know more. She wanted to get a fuller picture of Madison's relationship with her mother. But she wasn't sure what questions to ask. And she wasn't sure how accurate a depiction she could get from a two and a half year old. She knew that Madison saw the world differently than an adult would. That she was seeing it with toddler tinted lenses. With the beautiful innocence of a child. But Madison couldn't be this wrong. The depictions were too different for Madison's words to be a description of the woman, the girl Marcus had decried to her.

“Mommy's coming back.”

The words were quiet. Spoken with some reserve but firmly, surely. And when Lexa's eyes landed on the toddler, she was busy with her grass, gaze focused on her task. It made Lexa wonder if Madison had been shot down for statements like that before. One thing was for sure, she would never be shot down by Lexa.

“Yeah?”

Surprised, blue eyes glanced up at her after she spoke. Only furthering Lexa's assumptions. After a moment, Madison nodded, voice lowering yet another octave, “Mommy promised and mommy always does her promises.”

It was a powerful statement. Hitting Lexa right in the chest. Madison's mother had promised her that she would come back. But why? If Lexa was going to go on Marcus' opinion then maybe Madison's mom wanted to make it easier, wanted her departure to not be so final. But giving the toddler empty promises and false hope seemed wrong. Of course if she went on Madison's thoughts a bead of hope rolled around her brain. Was it possible that there was more to this story than Marcus suggested?

“Lessa?” Madison pulled Lexa from her thoughts.

“Mhm?” Lexa's gazed drifted up, landing on Madison as the toddler outstretched her hands.

“Make my hands clean.”

Such an innocent statement, such a Madison statement that it made Lexa chuckle fondly, “Okay, little one.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Her mind wandered to this morning. To Clarke. To Clarke not wanting to hurt people. To Clarke's apparent belief that her being hurt didn't matter. It pained her to know that Clarke thought so little of herself. That Clarke couldn't see how important she was to the people around her. She vowed to herself that she'd make sure Clarke felt every bit of her worth.

But one thing was for certain, Clarke was officially on the mend.

And Lexa couldn't be happier about it. Lexa noticed the little things, the little details about Clarke that all added up to create a much happier picture. She was smiling again. She was reading again. Her easygoing attitude back and refreshing after such darkness. The calm energy that Lexa admired so much had reappeared along with the gentleness in her eyes. Clarke demons slain. For the moment, at least.

Their relationship had changed too.

And Lexa loved the new found easiness between them. The physical closeness as well as the emotional intimacy. The way they just got each other. The way they could communicate through a look, no need for words. And the unexplainable gravitational pull towards each other, the one that always ended them up within each others reach...like now.

Lexa had arrived home after dropping Madison up, the length of the day causing Lexa to fall back onto the couch with a groan leaving her mouth as the comfort engulfed her. And then Clarke was blocking her view of the ceiling, sympathetic pout of her face teasing as she mouthed 'poor baby'. Lexa had no other choice other than to retaliate, tickling the taunting blonde and tugging her down when she tried to get away with a squeal.

Clarke ended up on top of her, lying heavily on her stomach and staring down at her face as their laughter faded. She loved that about Clarke. That Clarke wasn't afraid of putting all her weight on Lexa, she didn't think it even crossed Clarke's mind before she plonked onto Lexa at any point. And it always made Lexa smile. She thought that most girls, herself included, would be mindful. Worried about squishing someone or being 'too heavy'. But not Clarke. Never Clarke.

She wrapped her arm around Clarke's slim waist, ignoring the pain of where Clarke's elbows where digging into her chest to focus, instead, on Clarke's pretty, blue eyes and soft smile.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked, thumb coming up to smooth out the pinch between Lexa's eyebrows.

And the fact that Clarke could pick up on it when she wasn't content, made Lexa's heart flutter. Touched by the concern in her blue eyes. Maybe there were a few things in her life right now that needed resolving but lying here, with this perfect girl on top of her, yeah, she was more than okay.

“Shouldn't I be asking you that question?” Lexa teased, brow quirked as the events of the day played in her mind.

And by the hesitant look on Clarke's face, hers too, “You seem stressed.”

“I'm okay, I'll be okay,” Lexa smiled, shaking her head. Bringing her fingers up to tuck a fallen strand of blonde hair back behind an ear, “What about you?”

A smirk spread across Clarke's face, “I'm okay, I'll be okay.”

Lexa laughed at the parroted words, letting her hands smooth down the expanse of Clarke's back to hold her closer, “I mean it. Tell me what's going on with you, pretty girl.”

Clarke paused, her smirk making way for a more thoughtful expression as her eyes fixed on the collar of Lea's shirt, fingers joining her eyes in their exploration, “I'm...dealing.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asked softly, giving Clarke's hips a reassuring squeeze.

Clarke nodded, “I'm getting there.”

Lexa searched her face. Yes, Clarke was on the mend but she could still see the inner turmoil dancing below the surface. The sadness that lived deep within those blue eyes. Her tone dropped to a whisper, “I wish I could make you okay.”

For a moment Clarke's eyes met hers, briefly flashing with surprise before they showed nothing but appreciation. She shook her head gently, a soft smile presenting itself on her lips, “I think I'm the only one that can make me okay...but you're definitely helping.”

“Good,” Lexa said, mirroring Clarke's smile, “You help me to be okay too.”

“I do?” Clarke cocked her head to the side, gaze searching Lexa's face for the truth in those words.

Lexa cracked a teasing grin, “Who do you think put this smile on my face?”

Lexa's objective was achieved in the form of the laugh leaving Clarke's mouth. The blonde's eyebrow ticking teasingly, “Oh, I don't know. I thought you just had your mind on your girl again.”

Lexa's heart fluttered, not missing the your in Clarke's sentence, “Oh, her too. But that's because in my head she's naked.”

“Shut up!” Clarke giggled, lightly smacking Lexa on the shoulder and causing her to join in with the laughter. Neither of them noticing they were no longer alone until they were pulled from the moment.

“Guys!” Raven's voice alerted them to her presence before she was tugging Anya over to them by the hand, a smile in her voice, “We have something to tell you.”

Clarke's blue eyes left Lexa's as she turned to her cousin, “What is it?”

“Well,” Raven grinned excitedly, briefly glancing back at Anya, “Anya and I have decided to make it official.”

Clarke's face turned back to Lexa's so fast that Lexa thought she might get whiplash. Their eyes connected and Lexa was sure that Clarke's eyes, dancing in amusement, mirrored her own.

“We kinda though you already were,” Clarke said, trying to stifle a giggle.

She pursed her lips, fingers flexing against the small of Clarke's back, “Yeah, like weeks ago.”

“What?” Raven spluttered, looking positively insulted while Anya, beside her, remained passive. Looking bored if anything, “No, we just became official. Today.”

Clarke's face turned into Lexa's again in an attempt to hide her grin, “My bad.”

“Seriously?” Raven spat, hands flying up in exasperation, “That's it?”

Lexa bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Which was difficult considering the fact that Clarke was giggling into her collar bone, “Um...congratulations?”

“You know what? Fuck you both! Count me out of the celebrations when you two finally get your shit together,” Raven scowled, turning on her heels and stomping up the stairs, “Come on Anya, let's go have super loud, coupley sex and creep them out!”

Anya, still unaffected by the events, shrugged causally before following after her new girlfriend.

And Lexa and Clarke held their breath, desperately trying to hold in their laughter. But it became an impossible task as soon as blue met green and caused them both dissolve into giggles.

Chapter Text

26. Aden's mommy

Lexa pulled herself through to the kitchen on sleepy legs. The moment she'd woken up, she could hear Clarke dancing around in the kitchen and she wanted to investigate. There, she found Clarke. Clarke with messy hair, pulled up into a loose bun. Clarke covered only in Lexa's old soccer sweater, the material falling to the tops of the blonde's naked thighs, even though Lexa was sure that Clarke had been wearing more than that to bed last night. Clarke who was dancing around the kitchen with a cheesy smile on her face and ingredients pulled out on the counter before her.

Lexa crossed her arms, raising a skeptical eyebrow, “You're cooking?”

Blue eye's met hers as the blonde's head turned, flashing Lexa a dazzling smile before she rolled her eyes, “I can cook.”

“Okay,” Lexa grinned, holding her hands up in mock defense, “And what nutritious breakfast are you cooking today, chef?”

Clarke's eyes slid over Lexa from top to bottom, gaze sultry before Clarke leaned a little closer, a playful look dancing in her eyes, “Nachos.”

Lexa's nose wrinkled in disgust, watching as Clarke piled a handful of grated cheese on the top of her concoction, “For breakfast?”

“Mhm,” Clarke nodded, popping some of the extra cheese into her mouth before sliding her plate under the grill and shooting a challenging look towards Lexa, “Got a problem with that?”

“No problem,” Lexa grinned, eyes sliding over the back of Clarke's from, lingering on the curve of her ass that was barely being covered by the thin material, “I'm just impressed that you can eat nachos for breakfast and stay thin.”

“Hey,” Clarke argued in mock offence, “I love my food and I've got the booty to prove it thank you very much!”

Lexa's eyes fell when Clarke's words came with a booty shake from the blonde but she tried to keep her ogling to a minimum, licking her lips she pulled her eyes up to meet Clarke's, “If nachos are the reason for that then I'll make them for you every morning.”

“I see how it it,” Clarke smirked over her shoulder, “You'll do anything for me as long as it benefits my curves?”

“Definitely,” Lexa dead panned, amusement in her voice, “That's exactly what I meant by that.”

Clarke let out a full belly laugh, throwing an escaped nacho at Lexa, narrowly missing her, “Ass.”

“Speaking of ass,” Lexa's eyes dragged down Clarke's form obviously, watching as Clarke's nachos were pulled from their cooking place, “Are you wearing anything under that?”

Clarke's smirk turned naughty as she leant back on the counter opposite Lexa, even if her attention was focused more on her nachos than on Lexa, “What do you think?”

“I think that if you're naughty enough not to be then you need to be spanked,” Lexa countered with a smirk of her own.

Clarke's eyes flashed with danger, the naughty look on her face increasing as her tone took on an edge of seduction, “You can spank me if you bend me over your desk first.”

Lexa held back a smile, letting her voice take on a 'teacher tone' that Clarke had once teased her mercifully for, “Somehow I don't think that would be a punishment for you, Clarke.”

Clarke's eyes fixed on her like a predator clocking it's pray, Clarke moving swiftly to her with a taunting sway of her hips. She leant in close, her face only inches from Lexa. The expression on her face seductive, the tone of her voice dripping with sex, “You wanna punish me, Lexa?”

Lexa swallowed thickly, being this close to Clarke. Being surrounded by Clarke's sweet smell. Being pinned by Clarke's intense eyes was consuming, everything in her screaming at her to take the blonde around the waist and kiss her in this heady moment.

A moment that was ruined a moment later as a crunch filled the air and Clarke dropped her façade, giggling around her bite of nacho and moving away from Lexa, back to her plate.

Lexa's mouth opened and closed a few times, so caught up in the moment filled with sexual tension that it took her a second to clear her mind. Once she had, a pout came to her lips, “Real nice, Clarke.”

Her pout only made Clarke giggled harder, “I never claimed to be nice.”

“Maybe not,” Lexa sidled up to her, pinching the blonde's ass and waiting for her to predictably spin around, against the movement, to steal one of her nachos. Popping it into her mouth right in front of the blonde's shocked face, “But neither did I.”

Clarke shook her head in disbelief, pushing at Lexa's chest until she was sitting down on one of the stools, “Steal my nachos again and I'll show you how bad I can really be.”

Lexa had to bite her lip as Clarke gave her a sultry and deliberate once over, “Come here, you.”

Lexa grabbed Clarke around the waist, pulling her, and her tightly grasped nachos, onto her lap. Laughing as Clarke giggled and squirmed. But she wrapped her arms around Clarke's slim waist, setting her chin on the blonde's shoulder. Watching as Clarke stuck her tongue out but a moment later opening her mouth as the blonde's hand came up to offer her a nacho.

She crunched on it quietly, humming at the taste. Enjoying this moment of pure domesticity, sharing breakfast with the girl she loves. She smiled, “Now that you've gotten an extra nutritious breakfast does that mean you'll be on time to my class?”

Clarke turned her head, peering down at Lexa with amusement written all over her face, “No promises.”

“Is it too much to ask for you to show up on time just once?” Lexa asked, eyebrow raised, “You know I won't be your teacher for much longer.”

“Mhm,” Clarke pursed her lips, “And then I'll lose all interest in you.”

“Is that right?”

“Forbidden fruit and all that jazz,” Clarke said, mocking a sigh but failing to keep the amusement out of her tone.

Lexa laughed, taking a moment to tickle the blonde but hugging her closer when the blonde almost dropped her plate, “You're impossible.”

Clarke flashed her a toothy smile, “So you keep telling me.”

I love you.

It was on the tip of Lexa's tongue. The feeling swelling in her chest as she observed Clarke, make up free and smiling. Carefree and happy. But, sure it would ruin the mood, Lexa swallowed it down. Just content to focus on every little, already memorized, detail of the blonde's face.

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke mused softly, face tipping towards Lexa, eyes searching.

Lexa shook her head, lips quirking into a smile as her fingers came up to gently pinch Clarke's cheek, “Just you, pretty girl.”

Clarke looked at her for a long moment, breath hitching as if she was going to say something but in the end closing it with a shake of her head. Leaning forwards instead and resting her forehead against Lexa's temple. Both of them stilling so that they could simply exist for a second in each other's company.

“Well this is all very gag worthy,” Came Raven's voice as the brunette sauntered into the kitchen, cutting into their moment.

“Kinda like you and Anya?” Clarke raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow along with her head from Lexa's.

Raven rolled her eyes fondly, nodding her head towards Clarke's room, “Go get dressed if you want a ride to school.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hips as the blonde glanced back at her before sliding off her lap. They watched as Clarke made her way into her room before Raven grinned.

“I'm liking this.”

“Hm?” Lexa glanced up at her, pulling her mind from the sway of Clarke's hips.

Raven jerked a thumb towards Clarke's bedroom door, “Happy Clarke.”

“Me too,” Lexa grinned. And she was. Seeing Clarke happier was something she liked so much.

“You're a big part of that,” Raven nudged her, gaining her attention, “You know that right?”

“I don't know about that but I'd do anything for her.”

“I know,” Raven smiled genuinely before her expression morphed into a smirk, “And I thank you, that girl was one pms away from having her razor blades taken away.”

Lexa's eyes widened, nearly choking on her tongue, “Raven!”

- - - - - - - - -

Time with Madison is exactly what the doctor ordered. There was nothing better than spending a little quality time in the presence of the philosophic toddler. It was the toddler's cool detachment that she admired. The little brunette was impassive on the most part and it made the small moments, the moments that she smiled or giggled or found wonder in the world, mean so much more than they would usually.

But Lexa knew her. Lexa knew that Madison was careful with herself along with her heart. Protecting her inner feelings and emotions from others. Lexa often thought that it was in fear of rejection. The thought making her heart ache for the little brunette. But Lexa understood, she could sympathize with Madison. She could only hope that if Madison got into a better situation that she might feel secure enough to share more of herself.

It was when they were together that Lexa felt most complete. The only other person she felt so content with was Clarke. Maybe blue eyed girls were just Lexa's thing, or maybe both of them had settled into her heart and taken up permanent residence there. Either way, Lexa wanted them to be permanent. And although she didn't often let her mind wander there, occasionally she indulged in the notion of Clarke and Madison being her family. She'd get them a dog, she decided, who didn't love a dog? Psychopaths.

“Lessa, where's Aden?”

Lexa blinked rapidly, clearing her mind from her thoughts so that she could focus her attention on the little brunette who was gazing up at her with a quizzical look on her face.

It made her smiled, the fact that Madison remembered Aden, and liked him enough to wonder where he was, “Aden lives in Ton DC so it's a bit of a drive.”

She watched as a thoughtful expression crossed Madison's face, pen poised in the air in her break from coloring in a butterfly, “Why?”

Lexa raised her eyebrows in slight surprise. The mysterious working of a two year old mind, indeed. Why did Aden live in Ton DC? What answer would be deemed acceptable by the skeptical toddler, “Because his mommy and daddy live there.”

For a moment Lexa held her breath as Madison's eyes narrowed, seemingly assessing the statement for likeability but a moment later and Lexa breathed a sigh of relief at the little accepting nod of brunette curls. She took a long sip of her coffee, eyes finding focus out of the window of Grounder's as people passed by. It was only when she was the subject of Madison's wary gaze once again that she turned back to the toddler.

“Where is your mommy?”

Lexa pursed her lips, trying to hold back an impressed and amused laugh, “Well...you know me, Anya and Aden?”

Madison's frown deepened but she gave Lexa a sure nod.

“We have the same mommy and daddy,” Lexa supplied, suppressing another laugh as Madison's eyes widened at the surprising information, “Indra is our mommy.”

The toddlers mouth fell open in shock, leaning back in her seat. For a moment looking utterly stunned before her features morphed into a perplexed expression, “Indy is your mommy?”

“That's right,” Lexa nodded.

“And Anna's mommy?” Madison's frown deepened.

“Yep.”

“And Aden's mommy?” Madison questioned, clear disbelief crossing her face.

“Yes,” Lexa nodded, “Anya is my sister and Aden is my brother.”

Blue eyes, filled with cynicism, swept over Lexa, Madison's expression dubious but after a moment her eyes widened further. Head cocking to the side as the statement sunk in, “I want.”

This time Lexa couldn't stifle her laugh at the wonder within Madison's baby blue eyes, “A brother or sister?”

Madison thought for a moment before nodding firmly at her decision, “Both.”

And a smile crossed Lexa's face, trying not to let her mind wander to children with her green eyes and a certain someone's blonde hair. Or to the woman she wanted them with, “You play so well, you'd be a great big sister.”

Madison remained passive, eyes searching Lexa's face for a moment before she nodded, obviously agreeing with Lexa's thoughts, “I ask mommy.”

Lexa's smile took on an edge of sadness as she watched the toddler focus once again on her artwork, her overworked pen gliding across the page to create a beautifully red scribble. She hoped that Madison got that chance one day, to ask her mommy for a sibling.

“Do you want to see Aden and Indra again?” Lexa mused, gaining the toddlers attention.

“Yes,” Madison nodded firmly, “And Anna.”

Lexa grinned, enjoying how close Madison and Anya had gotten, “Anya lives here so you'll see her soon but Indra and Aden are a drive away and Aden has invited us to his soccer game.”

Madison's frown came back in full force, squinting up at Lexa with confusion in her eyes, “What's that?”

Lexa frowned herself, how does one explain soccer to a toddler, “Um...remember when Aden was here, he was always kicking a ball around?”

After a moment of thought, Madison nodded hesitantly but seemingly even more confused than before.

“Well he does that with other people too,” Lexa explained, “And he wants us to come watch.”

The toddlers blue eyes glanced around the room, landing several times on Lexa as she thought. Lexa wondered if she hadn't explained it very well, if maybe her attempt to simplify the situation had only caused further confusion. But blue eyes met hers, seemingly having to have gotten her ducks in a row.

“Me and you drive to see Aden play ball?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded with a sigh of relief, “Is that something you'd like to do?”

The, still thoughtful, toddler was undecided. Tentative in her approach, “With Anna?”

“Yes and Indra,” Lexa encouraged, “And a few friends too.”

Madison's lips pursed in doubt, “Stay with me?”

“Of course,” Lexa nodded, smile spreading at the thought of Madison wanting to make sure she would be there at all times. Chest filling with warmth at being trusted by the unsure toddler.

Some of the suspicion left the little brunette but she still seemed uncertain about the unknown, never having done anything like this before. And Lexa understood. It was a big deal and it must be scary for the toddler. If nothing else, Madison thought things through and that was exactly what she was doing. Asking the questions that would insure her a pleasant experience. Asking the questions so that nothing would be unexpected.

Her eyes met the table, expression smoothing but a quietness coming over her, “Shy.”

Lexa nodded, she knew that Madison was shy. She knew that Madison struggled with talking to people and she knew that Madison got anxious that she might be expected to. All she could do was try and reassure Madison that she understood how important it was, “You won't have to talk to anyone, not unless you want to. I promise you that.”

Once again, Madison searched her face for any sign of falsity. After a moment, apparently finding none as her face broke into a little, proud smile, “I'm gonna watch Aden play ball.”

- - - - - - - - -

The time had come to drop Madison off and it didn't come with any joy. Lexa never wanted to part with the toddler and every time it came to leaving her, Lexa's heart sank. Walking away from the house that contained such a big part of her heart became harder with every step. She wanted to look into the possibilities of keeping Madison, of making the little girl hers. To do that though, she needed advice. There were so many factors that she wasn't sure about. Marcus and Marcus' fiancé being a major one. Madison's mother being another. Yes, she'd definitely need Indra's advice before pursuing the matter.

Madison was asleep when she knocked on Marcus' front door, cradled into her chest so that Lexa could protect her while she slept peacefully. What she wasn't expecting was for, not Marcus, but a woman to answer the door.

“Oh...hi,” She frowned in confusion, “Sorry, I was expecting Marcus.”

The woman, a middle aged blonde who was dressed immaculately along with wearing an impatient expression on her face, nodded sharply, “He had to pop out for a few errands.”

Something clicked in Lexa's mind. There was no one else this woman could be, “You're Marcus' fiancé?”

“Yes,” The blonde said shortly, glancing back into her house in a show that came across as her having no interest in the conversation whatsoever.

Lexa, perplexed, hoped that the woman just didn't know who she was. Hoped that this woman was just busy. Hoped that this woman wasn't as cold and distant with Madison as she was being towards Lexa. Still, maybe if Lexa perceived then the woman would warm up to her, “It's...it's great to finally meet Madison's grandmother-”

“Oh don't call me that,” The woman cut her off, giving her a tight smile as her attention focused on Lexa, “It makes me sound far too old. Abby will do nicely.”

“Oh...right, I'm...sorry?” Lexa frowned, words coming out more as a question rather than a statement. She was extremely taken aback. Both by the woman, Abby's rudeness as well as the attitude she seemed to have about being a grandmother.

After a moment of Abby silently looking Lexa up and down with a calculating gaze, Abby's tone softened slightly, “And you must be Lexa. Thank you for all the help you've been.”

Lexa swallowed thickly at the contrast, not quite understanding the rules to this particular social interaction. She wanted to give Abby the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to see the good in her. But her gut was telling her something else. Lexa had built up who she thought Madison's grandmother would be in her mind, a caring and gentle woman who cared deeply for the toddler. Lexa expected to be able to see much of Madison shining through. But so far there was nothing Lexa could pinpoint, nothing she could point to and say that Madison was the same. She was pulled from her thoughts as Abby, seemingly deeming Lexa as an ally, spoke again.

“Honestly Madison talks about you all the time and given the circumstances we can use all the help we can get.”

Lexa's mind was a mess, her thoughts hardly taking a moment to settle before swirling into something else. The distaste in Abby's tone as she said 'circumstances' made Lexa recoil, her eyes fixing on the top of Madison's head as she clutched the toddler tighter, “Circumstances...um...”

“Yes, I'm sure Marcus had told you all about my dreadful daughter.”

Abby's words only caused Lexa to recoil further. Dreadful or not, Madison's mother was held sacred for the toddler, certainly not something to be tarnished, “No, I...I don't think-”

“Having a baby dumped on me is certainly not something I needed so I really appreciate all that you do.”

Lexa's mind just couldn't catch up. Abby left Lexa nothing but dumbfounded, she couldn't fathom what what happening with only one word racing through her mind on repeat, “Dumped.”

“Yes,” Abby scoffed in distaste, mistaking Lexa's offended expression to be aimed towards Madison's mother rather than herself, “She couldn't wait to go back to her partying ways,” Abby said, seemingly spurred on by her false sense of comradery, her eyes falling to Madison, "No doubt she'll be back next time she has a little mishap.”

Mishap...mishap...mishap.

“Would you like to come in? I'm sure Marcus won't be long.”

Lexa gulped, cradling Madison to her chest in an attempt to shield her from the words. Mishap. No, she did not want to come in. She wanted nothing more than to get as far from this woman as she could. Her gut practically begging her to make a break from her and and run. She only wished that she could take Madison with her.

- - - - - - - - - -

She called Anya on her way home, unhappy to be alone with her thoughts. The whole encounter had put her off balance, had rocked her world. It'd left her recoiling and with a sickening feeling in her gut. Madison lived with that woman, the woman who didn't want a child dumped on her, the woman who thought of Madison as a mishap. The woman that talked about Madison's mommy with distaste. Her anger bubbled to the surface and for that, she was glad. Anger was better that the crying she was sure she'd do otherwise.

“Seriously, Ahn, I feel like I need a decontamination shower after meeting that woman just in case I caught bitch.”

“What did I tell you?” Anya drawled on the other end of the phone, “She's a piece of work and you didn't believe me.”

“Because I thought she'd be some sweet old grandma that loved her granddaughter,” Lexa huffed, “That woman is not sweet. That woman is more than a piece of work, she's more like...like...”

“Satan.”

Lexa chuckled at her sister's nonchalance as well as her word choice, “Ahn, she was talking about Madison's mom like a piece of trash... in front of Madison!”

“What the hell? That just isn't right!”

“I know!” Lexa exclaimed, her anger being fuelled by her sister's agreement, “And she called Madison a mishap.”

“Jesus, who should get the mother of the year award this time around? I don't know who deserves it more, her or Clarke's mom.”

“Oh God, Clarke's mom would win right now but Abby is definitely in the running,” Lexa snorted a laugh.

“Seriously though, Lexa. When are you going to just talk to uncle Marc about adopting the brat? It doesn't sound like she's wanted there.”

Lexa paused. Anya was right, Abby had definitely spurred on her decision that she wanted to adopted Madison. She was surer than ever now, “As soon as I've spoken to Indra.”

Chapter Text

27. The Storm

She ran faster, her feet pelting against the ground, the burn of her calves not something she could afford to acknowledge. No. She was running for her life. She could hear them behind her, a stampede of worn, leather boots and the clang of clashing metal weapons. Her heart raced as she pushed herself further, faster, harder. If only she could get away. Tripping was her first mistake, a mistake that would cost her life under any other circumstances but not now. Not when a pair of dainty hands grabbed her out of nowhere, tugging her into the under bush and hiding her from sight.

She could still hear the hunters, the same same ones that were chasing her as their prey. Thundering through the woods in the dozens and all to catch her. But she couldn't think about them now, not when she had a new contender on her hands. Her breathing ragged, she looked up into the green eyes of her latest captor. She wouldn't show any weakness, she wouldn't back down, her life depended on it.

Instead she put on the most intimidating look she could muster, schooling her features into confidence and licking her dry, dehydrated lips before she spoke in her raspy tone, “Who the hell are you?”

“What ya writing?” Raven's voice cut into Lexa's flow of creativity.

It made her jump, made her glasses lose their purchase and fall off her face, clattering onto the laptop in front of her. Her spell broken. She smiled at her friend, “I'm working on a new book.”

“Oh my God,” Raven's eyes widened in excitement, “What's it about?”

“Eh..” Lexa shrugged, “I'll let you know once I have something solid figured out, I'm just playing around with a few ideas.”

“You suck, Lexa,” Raven scoffed, “What's the point of being friends with a famous writer if I can't even get a sneak peek of her work?”

Lexa raised an eyebrow in amusement, “I don't know, free paper?”

Raven's eyes narrowed for a moment before she shrugged, “Eh, close enough.”

“Good,” Lexa's lips quirked, “Besides, I'm not famous.”

“Might as well be,” Raven rolled her eyes, “Wait...do you get free paper if you're a writer?”

“No,” Lexa stifled a giggle, “No, you don't.”

“Well,” Raven rolled her eyes dramatically, “This changes everything.”

“I promise I'll let you read some once I've gotten a proper feel for the characters,” Lexa bargained, “It's the same universe as my Fleimkepa books, it's just...on a different time line.”

“Is the flame keeper in it?” Raven leant forward in her chair.

Lexa nodded, “Titus is in it but...he's a little different from how he was. He's all grown up now and life has changed him.”

“But...but...” Raven looked perplexed for a second before sporting a tremendous pout, “Whatever, he better still be in love with the Ice Queen.”

Lexa bit her lip, not wanting to give away anything too crucial until she'd worked out the plot for her new book. Still, she was beyond happy for the support. She focused back onto her laptop, hoping to get a little more typed up before she needed to leave for work.

“Can you give Clarke a lift home today? Anya and I are going to the movies and I want to go straight to her hotel after work.”

“Sure,” Lexa said, absent mindedly typing, barely paying attention to Raven's footsteps heading for the stairs, “She has to be quick though because I can't be late to pick up Madison.”

“Alright, I'll tell her.”

“The question is...who are you?”

The woman's voice held more authority than she had ever heard before. The words washing over her, causing goose bumps to rise on her pale skin. She couldn't be scared, it wouldn't do her any good. These people, these people with war paint and weapons only responded to violence, violence and-

“Lexa?” Lexa's attention was pulled upwards to Raven, the brunette's expression confused, almost shocked, “Did you just...did you say Madi?”

Lexa blinked heavily to shake the fog from her brain that came with accessing her side of creativity, fingers anxiously hovering above her keyboard and eager to type, “No, Madison.”

Raven's gave her a quizzical look but a moment later shrugged, giving Lexa one last glance before she headed up the stairs.

-and trades. She had nothing to trade and she didn't know how to fight. All she could do was bluff and hope that by some miracle today would not be her last.

- - - - - - - -

The noise of the thunder woke her up. It was unusual for her to be in her own bed nowadays but Clarke had stayed up to watch movies with Raven, leaving Lexa to find her own room to slumber in. With the rain hitting her window, the lightning illuminating the room and the thunder booming in the cold air, she knew that Clarke wouldn't be far. The thunder always brought her Clarke.

And when she heard the tell tale footstep coming up the stair, she lifted her comforter, making room for the expected blonde to slip under them. Which she did. As soon as Clarke entered the room she dove into the bed, hair flying along with the tears staining her cheeks. Lexa's arms surrounded her, creating a safe embrace for Clarke to fall apart into.

“It's okay,” Lexa whispered into Clarke's hair, the comforter pulled up so high that it covered them, cocooning them in warmth and shielding them from the storm, “You're okay, you're safe.”

Clarke sniffled, rubbing her face against Lexa's neck as she cried, her fingers clutching at Lexa's shirt like a life line, her legs pulled up and sandwiched between their bodies, “I'm scared, Lexa.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded against the top of the blonde's head, arms tightening further in an attempt to shield Clarke from the world.

She began to rock them gently, smoothing her hand down Clarke's back in comfort and pressing kisses to her hair and wet cheeks. Coddling the blonde and coaxing her back from her sobbing until Clarke's breathing became less erratic. Once she was calm enough Lexa gently nudged Clarke's face with her nose until it was out of it's hiding place and bright blue, red rimmed eyes met hers. Clarke's eyes holding the lightness to them that was reserved for only when she cried, lightness that she could see even in the darkness.

Lexa's lips found Clarke's cheeks, pressing tender kisses to each one and pulling back to find the blonde's eyes fluttering shut, a flash of lightening illuminating the tears on her face, Lexa's voice still at a whisper, “What makes you afraid, pretty girl?”

Blue, searching eyes ran over her face, Clarke's hands pulling tighter on her shirt, voice hoarse, “You.”

The word took Lexa aback, eyebrows pinching as she studied Clarke in the darkness. But Clarke wouldn't give her they eye contact she needed to be able to read the unsaid truths within the blues, “Me?”

Clarke's eyes flickered between Lexa's for a second before her chin dipped, bringing her gaze downwards. She sniffled slightly, bottom lips shaking as she spoke, “People leave.”

Lexa's breath got caught in her throat. The sadness in Clarke's tender throated voice breaking Lexa's heart. Clarke was scared that Lexa was going to leave her. She shook her head, even the thought not sitting well with her, “I'm not going to leave you, Clarke.”

Blue met green but only for a second before Clarke's expression darkened, wetness leaking from her eyes and her body quaking after a boom of thunder, “You don't know that, Lexa.”

“I do,” Lexa said firmly, her grip on the blonde tightening to drive her point, “I'm not going to leave you.”

“You can't promise it,” Clarke snapped, voice getting louder and eyes flashing with pain as they bore into Lexa's.

Lexa's mouth opened and closed a few times with no sounds coming out because no, she couldn't promise that. Her expression softened, eyes pleading with Clarke to understand just how much she didn't want to be apart from her, “Clarke.”

A brief nod of Clarke's head let her know that Clarke knew, that Clarke understood and then the blonde was staring at her, begging her to make it better. Begging Lexa to alleviate her fears.

Lexa leant forward, hand sliding against Clarke's cheek, thumb stroking against Clarke's cheekbone. Coaxing Clarke's eyes back to hers when the contact faltered, her voice coming out shaky in her attempt to make it clear that she was sincere, “Clarke, I promise you that I won't go away. Not if I can help it.”

Clarke smiled bleakly at the words but a sob soon followed, her face falling, “You...It terrifies me, Lexa and...and y-you mean so much to me.”

Lexa frowned sympathetically, stroking her fingers through blonde locks as she hugged Clarke closer. She understood. For Clarke being vulnerable, opening up, sharing herself with someone was difficult. Beyond difficult. And the fact that she'd shared so much of herself with Lexa was scary, because Lexa could leave. And if Lexa hurt her then she'd be worse off than before. Clarke loved people with her whole heart and Lexa was no exception, “And you mean just as much to me.”

Lexa's whispered words were hardly a confession but they were treated as such anyway. A moment later and Clarke's face was pressing into Lexa's neck as Lexa's arms came up, around her. And that's how they stayed. Clarke's body racked with shivers after every clap of thunder. Lexa whispering reassurances into the darkness. It took ten whole minutes for Clarke's sobs to subside this time. Wetting Lexa's pillow along with her shirt. But Lexa didn't mind. She'd hold Clarke for as long as it took for her to feel better, tears be damned.

Eventually Clarke rolled onto her back. Her crying at bay except for a few tears still leaking down her temples. Her breathing even as she stared at the ceiling. Lexa stayed close, resting her head in her hand and hovering slightly over the blonde, hand resting against Clarke's chest in order to feel Clarke's rhythmic heartbeat. The air intense but the thunder had calmed, leaving the atmosphere electric as well as somber.

Lexa watched intently as Clarke fidgeted, seemingly trying to say something yet every time her mouth opened nothing came out. But once Clarke spoke, the reason her hesitance became apparent.

“He died in a storm.”

Lexa held her breath, the impact of the rawly spoken words hitting her at full force. Clarke didn't need to say any more for Lexa to know that she was talking about her father. Lexa, opting to stay silent, listened intently. Hoping that Clarke felt comfortable enough to share whatever she wanted to share.

“There was a party. The first party I'd ever been invited to that was parent free,” Clarke continued, pain evident in her words and lips turning up briefly into a bitter smile, “I was so excited, I...my mom didn't want me to go. Didn't think I was mature enough to handle myself without supervision...maybe she was right,” Clarke let out a humorless laugh before her voice softened considerably, “But my dad...he was proud of me. He knew how much I wanted to go and he convinced her that it would be okay.”

Lexa shuffled closer, hoping that Clarke could draw some comfort from her but she remained silent. Clarke's braveness was overwhelming and Lexa would be damned if she made that braveness falter for even a second. Clarke took a stilted breath, her hand meeting Lexa's on her chest and intertwining their fingers.

“He bought me a dress, he...before I left he joked around, calling me beautiful and telling me that I better not come home with ten boyfriends,” Clarke continued, her tone one of sorrow but with an edge of hope to it, “I felt like an adult, you know?...But I wasn't...I, I just...I wasn't,” Clarke trailed off, voice wavering. She took a moment to breath, to steady herself, “Everyone was drinking and I joined in even though I never had before...and I had too much, I didn't feel good.”

Lexa watched as Clarke's mind wandered. The tightening of her jaw, the stiffness of her limbs as her fidgeting paused. Lexa felt like she was losing Clarke, losing her within the darkness of her mind, so she nudged the blonde's face with her own. Pressing kisses to her temple and stroking a hand through her blonde locks. Slowly but surely bringing Clarke back to her, back into the moment. Clarke took a deep breath.

“There was this boy. He helped- I thought he was helping me...he said that he would find somewhere for me to lie down until I felt better but...he just wanted to hook up with someone,” Clarke shook her head, fingers tightening around Lexa's hand, “I'd never kissed anyone before except Bellamy...but we were seven so I never counted that. And I...I wanted to kiss him, it was new and exciting and I...I didn't even know him.”

Clarke bit her lip, pain coming into her voice as her tears started, “I didn't even know him and I kissed him...but he got handsy and I...I don't know, I freaked out, I didn't think he'd get mad though,” Clarke's volume was lost as she spoke, “But he did and I thought...I though he was going to...when a couple of people came into the room, probably looking for an empty place to hook up, I ran. I was so upset that I just wanted to go home and when I made it outside the storm had already hit so I...I called my dad.”

Clarke's voice cracked on the last word, her tears coming in full force and dripping down her temples, soaking into her hair. Lexa leant more fully over her, meeting the blonde's wet eyes and giving her the most reassuring look she could muster. Clarke licked her lips, shaking her head. She wasn't finished. Lexa got the message, Clarke wasn't finished and Clarke needed to hold herself together a little longer so that she could finish telling her tale.

“He...he asked if I could wait it out at Octavia's, her house was only a block away...but I was so embarrassed that I thought that boy liked me, I just...I wanted to go home,” Clarke paused, eyes darting between Lexa's, “My dad came for me, through the storm like my knight in shining armor. Always protecting me, always putting me first,” The blonde smiled somberly, expression one of melancholy, “He was cracking jokes on the way home, trying to stop me from crying...trying to make me smile...I can still hear his voice in my head, 'You know kid, whatever it was that happened might feel like the end of the world right now but just like this storm, it'll pass and we'll all be okay in the morning.”

Clarke's face fell, eyebrows pinching and a look of pain like no other crossing her face as she choked out her next words, “Except he wasn't.”

Lexa was holding her a moment later, arms wrapped around her fully and cradling her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. And Clarke clung to her, fingers digging into her shoulders and forehead pressed against hers as the blonde sobbed. Taking deep, gulping breaths to try and calm herself.

“Th-those were the l-last words he...he spoke before the-the-”

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered, watching as Clarke's eyes squeezed shut and Lexa was sure that the memory was playing behind those long lashes. She held her while she cried, soothed her until her sobs subsided. Comforted her until she she calmed. Until Clarke pulled back from their embrace, sending Lexa a weak smile to let her know that she was okay. That she wanted to, needed to continue.

“There was a tree in the road because of the storm, another driver swerved to avoid it but...they hit us instead,” Clarke swallowed thickly, eyes downcast, “The other driver was okay, their car wasn't wrecked but ours...” Clarke shook her head sadly, blonde locks flying into her face before Lexa smoothed them back, “Our car was totaled. It flipped three times before it landed on it's roof. There was glass everywhere.”

Clarke's gaze fixed on Lexa's, blue eyes pooling with tears.

“I thought there was someone screaming but it was me. My dad...he...he wouldn't wake up and there was...so much blood. I-” Clarke shook her head and Lexa watched as her face hardened. Watched as Clarke steeled her resolve. Watched as Clarke shut down her emotions for whatever was about to come, “My mom was the first on the scene with the EMT's. She was working the graveyard shift and covering for a friend in the emergency unit. She knew that it was us that'd been hit.”

The next time Clarke's eyes met hers, Lexa faltered. Clarke's eyes were so empty, so disassociated from her that she was scared that Clarke wouldn't come back. But all she could do was wait. Wait a hope that whatever this was, whatever Clarke's demons were, that she'd come back after she'd faced them. That maybe Lexa could help her come back.

“They couldn't get us out so my mom crawled through one of the windows to asses us,” Clarke's gaze shifted to the window, expression dulled, “She looked at him first, she took his pulse and then she turned to me...” Clarke voice drifted off and Lexa had never seen the blonde look as broken as she was in this moment, reliving it, “She said, 'You killed him.”

Lexa felt her heart beat in her ears, her mouth falling open in shock and tears, thus far kept at bay, threatening to fall. She wanted to say something, anything to make it better. To undo Clarke's mother's words. But Clarke's eyes fixed back on hers, halting her in her tracks. This was why Clarke didn't want to hurt anybody, this was why Clarke was so worried that she would. Because Clarke truly believed that she hurt and killed her father.

“I'll never forget the look on her face, like she hated me,” Clarke shook her head, “And she left after that, went back to the hospital,” The sadness came back, the sorrow within those blue eyes, “It took two more hours.”

And Lexa couldn't stop the audible gasp from leaving her. Clarke had been stuck in a car for two hours with her dead father, that she thought she'd killed.

“My dad died on impact,” Clarke said quietly, gaze fixed on Lexa's chin, “A collapsed lung and a broken neck,” Clarke paused, bottom lip quivering and chin dipping further, her next words coming out shaky and rough from her raw throat, “He died because I didn't want to wait a few hours before going home.”

Lexa caught her before she fell, cupping her face and kissing each tear as they fell. Holding her closely. She watched as Clarke broke in her arms, only holding it together because of the embrace she was in, “Clarke.”

Clarke shook her head, rejecting what she knew was to come. Clarke didn't want Lexa to say it wasn't her fault. Clarke didn't want Lexa to make her feel better. But Lexa would never stop saying it if it meant Clarke would believe it, even for a moment.

“Clarke,” She said more firmly, pulling blue eyes to hers, “It wasn't your fault.”

Clarke lost it, weeping into Lexa as Lexa held her in strong arms. And Lexa would never let go, never let Clarke fall and never let Clarke break. She'd always be there to hold Clarke when she fell apart and she'd always help put her back together afterwards.

It felt like hours until their tears were dry. Until Clarke was exhausted and Lexa felt surer that Clarke wouldn't break if she let her go. The moment was heavy as they faced each other, so close that their breath mingled and their eyes had to squint in order to focus on one another. With one arm looped firmly around Clarke's waist, Lexa's other hand was free for her fingers to gently comb through locks of blonde hair. And along with the departure of their tears, the remnants of the storm faded too. Leaving the sky light and illuminating the room.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Lexa whispered as Clarke's eyelashes started to flutter closed, the blonde so emotionally exhausted that sleep was catching up with her fast, “I know how hard that is for you.”

Clarke's eyes searched hers for a moment, expression unreadable before a hint of a smile touched her lips, “You're...you,” Clarke swallowed, vulnerability flashing in her eyes, “Lexa I...”

Love you. Lexa didn't need to heard it, Clarke's eyes said it all.

“I know,” Lexa whispered, squeezing the blonde reassuringly.

Clarke nodded, eyes still searching before she slowly leant in. Pausing mere millimeters from Lexa's face, but only for a second, before their lips met in a soft, tender kiss. A kiss that wasn't romantic. Or sexy. Or the start of anything. A kiss for closeness. A kiss for unspoken words. A kiss for comfort.

And Lexa gladly kissed her back, sharing the moment of intimacy with Clarke after such an emotional time. And when Clarke pulled away, Lexa hugged her tighter, pressing kisses to her fallen eyelashes in a promise to be there for Clarke while she slept.

Just in case she fell.

Chapter Text

28. Everything

Lexa saw it coming. She expected it. A part of her always knew that Clarke might close up after revealing such vulnerability. A part of her knew that Clarke's walls might be built back up overnight, brick by brick. But that didn't mean that there wasn't another part of her that hoped to hang on to the realest side of the blonde she'd met yet...at least for a little while longer. But no, it wasn't in the cards. The moment they woke up, fitting like puzzle pieces into each other's arms, Lexa saw Clarke's defenses kick in.

She woke up first. Letting the intensity of last night, the emotional heaviness, settle within her. Her eyes sweeping over Clarke's sleeping face. She looked so peaceful in her slumber, an air of innocence on her face. And Lexa couldn't help but to let herself indulge in admiring the smooth skin before Clarke's eyelashes started to flutter. Blue met green and for a second Clarke's eyes held such an intense openness that it made a breath catch in Lexa's throat, but as quickly as Lexa spotted it, it was gone. Replaced by a cool detachment as Clarke's blue orbs strayed towards the ceiling and the blonde pulled out of their embrace.

She could tell instantly that Clarke had withdrawn so when she spoke, it was tentative, “Are you okay, pretty girl?”

She watched as Clarke's eyes searched the ceiling for nothing, she watched as Clarke's expression turned dismissive, “I'm fine.”

The words were spoken with a certain bite, one that made Lexa recoil. An uneasiness settling between them. But a moment later and, even though Clarke might have shut down emotionally, the blonde physically wriggled just a little bit close in silent apology.

Lexa couldn't blame her. Lexa understood. The things Clarke revealed were monumental and Clarke wasn't an open book to begin with. Lexa knew how much it took for Clarke to open up, for Clarke to expose her inner turmoil and Lexa felt honored that Clarke trusted her with such truths.

When Clarke turned to her with a smirk, the change of pace took her back. The naughty glint in Clarke's eye was familiar but she was distracted by the foot sliding up her leg.

“Take a shower with me.”

Lexa gulped, eyes flicking between Clarke's seductive gaze and pouty, smirking lips before she shook her head. She knew this wasn't Clarke talking, she knew that Clarke wanted to feel better after opening up. And maybe that physical closeness would help but she also knew that Clarke would regret it.

Focusing her eye contact on Clarke's blues, Lexa spoke gently, “I don't think that's a good idea.”

Clarke's expression fell, but only for a split second before the alluring look was back. Clarke slowly extracting herself from the bed and keeping their gazes locked as she peeled off her clothes, throwing an extra wiggle in her hips as she pushed down her pajama pants. All Lexa could do was stare, practically ogling every inch of newly exposed skin and lingering on generous curves.

“What about now?” Clarke asked, a hint of amusement in her upturned lips.

Lexa had missed this. Having the privilege of seeing Clarke's inviting body, Clarke being naked. Clarke being naked with her. But it wasn't going to help and they'd agreed that now was not the time. Not yet.

“I...” Lexa swallowed thickly, knowing that she needed to stay strong but the words being reluctant to leave her, “I need to call Indra.”

Clarke's eyebrow quirked, amusement edging into her expression, “Little unconventional but whatever helps you get there.”

And with a wink, Clarke spun on her heels, sauntering out of the room with an air of confidence that no one should have when wandering around completely nude. Leaving Lexa to stare after her, gaze narrowing in on the curve of Clarke's ass as the blonde's hips swayed. It was only once that ass disappeared did Clarke's words sink in. Lexa's nose wrinkling at the implication. It was a bad joke, such a bad joke, but it made Lexa laugh anyway.

Turning down a naked and willing Clarke Griffin wasn't easy for Lexa but it was the right choice. Clarke meant way too much to her to ruin everything they've built over a shower quickie.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Hello?”

“Gus,” Lexa breathed out, just the sound of his voice bringing a wide smile to her face.

“That doesn't ring a bell...nope, no one here that goes by Gus.”

Lexa laughed, rolling her eyes, “Dad.”

“That's better,” Gustus chuckled, “And how is my favorite child?”

“Anya's good,” Lexa grinned, “She's excited for our visit.”

“Very funny, Lexa. Now Anya sent me a photo of you, it was a little hard to make out with the lighting but were you writing?”

She could always count on Gustus, he'd been her number one fan since she was ten years old and writing was just a flirtation, “It's not the lighting, dad. You're just getting old.”

“Oh that's right, I forgot you were dating a fetus.”

“A fetus?!” Lexa exclaimed, mouth dropping open, “At least she doesn't complain about lighting.”

“No, I suppose she's too busy complaining about her homework.”

“Dad!”

“I'm looking forward to meeting her, pumpkin,” Gustus chuckled, “Now are you writing again?”

“I am,” Lexa grinned, “I've been playing around with some ideas.”

“That's fantastic, Lexa. Make sure to leave some time free in your visit so that we can discuss it...your mother is badgering me to hand her the phone.”

“I will.”

“And remember, just because I'm old doesn't mean I can't get it!”

“Dear God no, Jesus, Dad!” Lexa's expression twisted in disgust, “You think I want that mental image?”

“I have two other children that could bump you from your favorite child status, you know?”

Lexa let out a mock gasp, “I'll fight them!”

“My money's on Anya.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Love you, pumpkin! Here's mom.”

“I love you too.”

“Lexa? I haven't-”

“I want to adopt Madison.”

The words came out of her in a rush, her mind barely catching up with her mouth enough to realize that she'd interrupted Indra, mid sentence, and practically shouted at her. She bit her let, letting out a deep breath to settle her nerves. She wanted to adopt Madison. There was no doubt in her mind. She didn't even know if it was actually an option or not, she didn't know if Abby would be open to that idea. But she knew that she wanted to try. And telling Indra made it real, if she trusted anyone's opinion on whether this would be a good idea or not, it was Indra.

“Have you thought this through?”

Lexa relaxed slightly at the tone of Indra's voice. She could tell that Indra wasn't shocked and she could tell that Indra didn't think it was a terrible idea. She nodded even though Indra couldn't see her, “I have. I've been thinking about it since I moved to Polis but I didn't act on it because I knew that I needed to be beyond certain...and I am. I want to be a permanent fixture in her life, I want to watch her grow, I want to be there for her when she cries, I want to be someone for her to rely on.”

“I'm proud of you, Lexa,” Indra said, her voice holding warmth, “Watching you grow into a young woman has been a pleasure.”

“Thanks, mom,” Lexa smiled bashfully, a blush forming on her face, “So do you think Marcus and Abby would even be interested in me adopting her?”

“You know what, I think they would,” Indra spoke, making hope rise in Lexa's chest, “I can't speak for them but from what I understand the situation isn't ideal for them. I know that they both work a lot of the time and I get the impression that they didn't factor children into their plans...And I know that Marcus gushes about how great you are with Madison.”

Lexa nodded thoughtfully, wondering if Indra had gotten the same impression as she did with that situation. That they didn't want Madison, that they saw the toddler more as an inconvenience, “Do you think...Am I...Am I even good enough to-”

“Yes,” Indra cut her off, “Lexa, yes. You are definitely a good enough person to do this and you'll be an excellent mother whenever the time comes.”

Lexa's smile grew, “You know that would make you a grandmother right?”

“Grandma...it suits me doesn't it,” The happiness in Indra's tone grew and Lexa couldn't help but compare Indra's feelings with Abby's on the subject. Indra seemed happier about the possibility of being a grandparent more than Madison's biological grandmother, “Grandma Indra will be ready and waiting to shower that little girl with love and gifts.”

Lexa let out a laugh. She didn't doubt it for a second, Indra would make a fantastic grandmother.

“The only question is, what about Clarke? Last time we spoke you were waiting to see if she wanted to pursue something more serious with you...presumably you becoming a parent would add a challenge to that.”

“I've thought about that too,” Lexa hummed her agreement, “Wanting to adopt Madison is who I am and Clarke knows who I am...it's up to her if she want to be apart of that or not and I'll respect whatever decision she makes.”

“You might end up with an answer you don't want, Lexa. Children are a big deal and Clarke is very young.”

“I know,” Lexa sighed, “The two things I want most in the world don't seem to go together but I can't stop that from trying to achieve them.”

“You're a bright girl, Lexa and you've got a bright future. I just don't want you to get your hopes up.”

“I know, mom. Thank you.”

- - - - - - - - - -

When Lexa made it downstairs she was surprised to see Raven, assuming the Latina had already left for work, but grateful nonetheless. It'd been a strange morning after a heavy night and she doubted anyone had ever been any worse off after a little one on one time with Raven Reyes. So she grabbed herself a coffee from the freshly brewed pot, rounded the counter and sat down next to her friend on the couch, pulling her legs up to sit in a more comfortable, cross legged position.

Raven eyed her, demeanor somewhat perplexed, a pinched look on her face, “I saw Clarke before she caught a ride with O.”

“Yeah?” Lexa tilted her head towards her friend, seeing the apprehension on her features.

“She told you about Jake, didn't she?”

For a moment, the wind was knocked out of Lexa, not having been prepared. But after a dutiful nod, she sighed, eyebrows pulling together in concern, “Is she okay?”

“She's okay,” Raven said softly, gazing at the coffee table for a moment of thought before her eyes fixed on Lexa's once again, “Do you understand how big a deal it is that she told you?”

“Yes,” Lexa said firmly, with no pause. Yes, she knew. She knew just how much it took for Clarke to open up and she knew just how big a deal it was that Clarke chose to open up to her, “I know how personal it was for her to share with me.”

Raven eyed her for a moment before her lips turned up slightly and with a satisfied nod her hesitance had vanished, leaving only concern, “How are you holding up? Hearing about Jake can be...intense.”

“I-” Lexa's voice caught with a crack. Up until this point she'd kept her emotions at bay, thinking only of comforting Clarke, of being someone that Clarke could trust and rely on. But now, without Clarke's presence, Lexa could feel the emotions wash over her. Sadness, despair, anger. A lot of anger. She swallowed thickly, blinking until she was sure no tears would fall, “Clarke's mom should've stayed with her. In the car...afterwards. She just...she should've stayed.”

“She should've,” Raven agreed, tone contemplative, “I don't think we'll ever really understand what those two hours were like for Clarke. Being trapped with...” Raven's voice faded out, shaking her head and unable to say the words.

“No wonder Clarke is...the way Clarke is.”

“Yeah,” Raven let out a humorless chuckled, “But there's more to it than that.”

Lexa pursed her lips. It wasn't an invitation to ask, nor did Lexa want it to be. It was jut a statement, one to let Lexa know that there were still storm clouds above Clarke's head. She tipped her head forward in understanding, “Maybe one day, she'll tell me.”

“Maybe,” Raven nodded, pausing to take a sip of coffee before she levelled Lexa with a careful gaze, “Probably...You must mean so much to her, Lexa.”

“I know,” Lexa said softly, keeping her own gaze fixed on Raven's, silently telling the other brunette that she knew how important this was. And once Raven seemed satisfied, Lexa carried on, asking a question she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to, “Why do you think her mom left her in that car?”

“I don't know,” Raven shrugged, the frown in her face giving away just how much time she'd spent thinking the exact same thing, “Jake was her world, you know? So when he was gone...Clarke's mom just...she disappeared.”

“But she had a daughter,” Lexa bit her cheek in an attempt to calm the storm of emotions within her, “A daughter that lost a parent, who-”

“Clarke lost both of her parents that night,” Raven cut her off, voice firm as if to drive her point.

And it did. Lexa's storm fell flat, making way for nothing but hurt. Her heart ached for Clarke, ached to carry some of the girl's burdens.

The silence stretched as they both paused, deep in thought. The silence heavy but comfortable nonetheless. And it was Raven who broke it, lightening the mood with an easy smile and patting Lexa's thigh.

“Come on, we should get to work.”

“Yeah,” Lexa said absent-mindedly, work the last thing on her mind.

Raven was up first, grabbing both of their dis-guarded coffee mugs from the table and making her way to the sink, pausing halfway there to turn back to Lexa, “Before I forget, will you be my date for Clarke's gallery thing?”

Lexa blinked heavily for a moment, her brain working to catch up with the change of conversation. She frowned briefly before a glimmer of pride lit inside her, “She got picked?”

“Yep,” Raven's smiled mirrored the proud feeling that Lexa had, “So how about it? You, me, posh gowns, fine art, champaign...probably?”

“You're dating my sister,” Lexa smirked, “I mean...I'm cool with it if you are but Anya might be sad when you fall in love with me.”

“That's fine,” Raven grinned, a glint in her eye, “Maybe Anya can console Clarke sexually when we inevitably run away together.”

“Ugh,” Lexa groaned, expression screwing up in disgust, “What is it with people giving me unwanted mental images today?”

- - - - - - - - -

Lexa was nearly asleep when she felt the other side of her bed dip. It'd been a strange day and, much to Lexa's disappointment, a Clarke free one. It took her a moment to come to terms with but she couldn't deny that a day without much Clarke in it wasn't a day she enjoyed very much. Clarke had been distant with her all day and Lexa got it. Clarke's go to response after vulnerability, after being close with someone was to push them away and Lexa really did get it. She could only be glad that it was her bed the blonde was choosing to slip into at the end of the day. So she opened her arms in silent invitation, her heart hammering slightly in fear of Clarke rejecting the embrace but calming a moment later when Clarke fell into her arms, burying her face into Lexa's neck and wrapping herself around Lexa's body.

Lexa took a moment to squeeze the girl in her arms, breathing in Clarke's shampoo and just feeling the blonde against her, Clarke's steady heartbeat thumping in her ears.

“I missed you today,” Clarke's voice was quiet, coming out as a breath on Lexa's neck and making Lexa shiver. Her whole being buzzing at their closeness, feeling utterly alive.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's forehead, letting her lips rest there for a fraction of a second before nudging Clarke's face up with her nose, needing to see those eyes and searching them once she did, “Are we okay?”

Clarke's expression remained open almost as if in invitation to Lexa, an invitation in, “We're okay.”

Lexa's sigh of relief blew a breath over Clarke's face that made loose tresses of blonde hair move across Clarke's forehead, “Do you regret telling me?”

Clarke's teeth bit into her bottom look, fear dancing within blue eyes and for a second Lexa though that Clarke did. That Clarke regretted opening that door for Lexa. That door into her soul, into her head. But the fear was gone with a small shake of Clarke's head and that alone gave Lexa another reason to sigh in relief. She tugged the blonde tighter to her, leaving no room for their bodies and forcing Clarke to pull a leg up, thigh resting over Lexa's side, to be more comfortable.

“Raven told me about you getting picked for the gallery,” Lexa whispered against Clarke's cheek, “Tell me about it?”

Clarke's fingers paused in where they were fidgeting against the neck of Lexa's sleeping shirt, she shrugged, “I submitted a painting and I guess they liked it.”

“You guess?” Lexa chucked, a smile spreading wide on her face, “I'd say they definitely liked it.”

Lexa could feel Clarke's own smile spread on the underside of her jaw. She was proud of Clarke and Clarke knew it. Her fingers slipped under the hem of Clarke's t shirt on their own accord, itching to feel the soft skin of Clarke's hips. As one of her fingertips travelled it's way down Clarke's spine, Lexa felt the blonde shiver against her. Clarke's hips taking that shiver a little overboard and into a subtle grind against Lexa's pelvis, making Lexa's breath catch in her throat.

Her fingers dug, scraping at the soft skin at the back of Clarke's hip, her thigh coming up and dangerously close to the heat Lexa could feel radiating from between the blonde's legs. Clarke held no such pause in her reaction, her hips shifting downward and taking a long, grazing sweep of Lexa's thigh. Clarke's mouth opening against her throat as she let out a stuttering breath before mouthing against Lexa's skin. The temperature between their bodies rising.

Their hip moved in sink, in a lazy grind that had both of them panting. Lexa's fingers trailing up the smooth skin of the thigh that was wrapped around her, gripping at flesh at the top of her thigh. Lexa had half a mind to just shove her hand down the front of Clarke's pajama shorts where she was sure she would find the blonde ready for her. But she swallowed the urge down, instead slipping her hand higher, up the back of said shorts, gently palming the flesh of Clarke's ass. The flesh she loved, especially when it generously spilled through her fingers.

Clarke's moan broke their moment, clearing both of their heads momentarily and causing the desperate grind of their hips to slow into weak rocking. Eventually withdrawing from movement altogether and simple resting close. The previously lust filled air clearing, leaving them with a joint sense of intimacy.

“Where do you plan on going to university?” Lexa murdered after the comfortable silence had stretched.

She often wondered what Clarke's plans were for the future. She often wondered if she'd fit into them at all. If Clarke would even want her to. She didn't want to hold Clarke back and that thought terrified her.

“I've applied here but...” Clarke's tone, starting empty, became hopeful. Almost wistful as she spoke, “I really want to get as far away from here as I can...I just have to figure some stuff out first.”

Lexa nodded, Clarke's words not giving answer to any of the questions that Lexa had but for now it was enough. It wasn't a pressing matter and there were more important things to think about now.

As their minds wandered, Lexa's drifted to one thing. Something she'd been meaning to ask Clarke about since she'd noticed the prescription bottle running low, “What's happening with your antidepressants? I noticed you were almost out.”

Clarke's eyes fixed on her, a glimpse of surprise within that made Lexa wonder if Clarke thought she wouldn't remember, let alone ask. It made her heart ache, wishing Clarke could feel the amount of care she had for her.

“I'm weaning myself off them,” Clarke said quietly, a distant look creeping onto her face.

Lexa frowned, “Is that a good idea?”

Clarke shrugged, glancing back at Lexa for a second, “Two months and then hopefully I won't need them anymore, I just have to do my best with what I have until then.”

Lexa nodded thoughtfully before her frown came once again, “What happens in two months?”

Clarke's expression turned flat, hands fidgeting for a second before she turned around completely, back facing Lexa. Lexa was slightly taken aback but after everything they'd spoken about, she figured it was bound to get too much for Clarke. She didn't expect Clarke to answer her, she'd accepted that Clarke was done talking. That Clarke was done opening up for now. The silence stretched for a few long minutes until Lexa felt Clarke shift backwards, resting softly against Lexa's front. So Lexa held her, trying to show physically that she was there for Clarke, that she wasn't going anywhere, that she understood and that she wouldn't push. And just when Lexa thought Clarke had fallen asleep, long after she expected any form of an answer, a word was whispered into the night. The word quiet but loaded.

“Everything.”

Chapter Text

29. Sleep

“I'm not going to keep paying for your hotel,” Lexa said, arms crossed as she leant against the wall.

That was her first thought as she came downstairs to find her sister, pajama clad and eating cereal in the kitchen. After three mornings in a row of seeing Anya leaving the bathroom in nothing but a towel, Lexa had decided that if it happened again then she'd just have to assume her sister lived here now and stop paying the extortionate prices of the hotel room she was simply wasting her money on. Lexa wasn't exactly strapped for cash, her books were very popular but she wanted to be careful with her small fortune and spend it on more sensible things. Like a house. A house that every time she thought about triggered her mind into a mental image of a beautiful blonde wife, a beautiful brunette daughter and perhaps a dog.

Maybe her dreams were fruitless but still, however far fetched the dream, surely it was better than shelling out for a hotel room just because her sister was too lazy to cook or clean.

Anya met her with a flat expression, a growl leaving her throat. Yeah, Anya was in no way a morning person.

Lexa shook her head, rolling her eyes and leaving her post to find some breakfast of her own. Only turning back to her sister once she'd rummaged up a banana and some yoghurt, “I was talking to dad, he said that he still 'gets it'.”

Anya's eyes widened ever so slightly before narrowing, throwing daggers at Lexa as she leant against to counter opposite where Anya was sitting, “Why the hell are you telling me that?”

“I had to hear it so I thought it was only fair that I shared it with you,” Lexa said, biting down a laugh.

“Yeah, well...” Anya trailed off, chewing thoughtfully on her cereal for a second, “I caught them having sex in your room once, all your stuffed animals were watching.”

Lexa's face fell, “No, fuck, please tell me you're making that up.”

“I guess you'll never know,” Anya teased, pointing her spoon towards her sister, “But it's not nice, is it?”

Lexa shook her head, a shiver of disgust running through her at the thought. She'd just taken a spoonful of yoghurt when Clarke stormed into the room, face like thunder and letting out a huff as she pushed herself up onto the counter next to Lexa.

“Careful, Clarke,” Anya drawled, taking a not so subtle glance between Clarke spread thighs, “Now that I've seen your underwear, I might fall in love with you.”

Lexa's eyes widened at the light hearted tease but she didn't get a chance to retort as Clarke pulled her shirt further down her thighs with another huff and proceeded to shoot daggers at Anya, “Don't make fun of her.”

“Wow,” Anya's eyebrows rose, tone turning snarky as she shot a pointed look at Lexa, “I didn't realize you had your own personal guard dog.”

“Wow,” Clarke mimicked Anya's tone, expression nothing but anger, “It's like you want me to punch you.”

Anya's mouth opened but Lexa beat her sister to it, stopping her from saying whatever brewed comeback she was thinking of, for which Lexa was grateful. Shooting her sister a thankful glance, Lexa rounded on Clarke, “What's wrong?”

“What do we have here?” The attention was pulled to Raven, fully dressed and sidling up to Anya, resting her hip against the breakfast bar and raising a questioning eyebrow towards Clarke.

“My predicted grade is an F,” Clarke spat, “In English.”

“Wow,” Raven looked taken aback for a minute before amusement took over her face, “Aren't you used to positive test results?”

The quip caused Anya to snort into the milk she was drinking from her bowel but Clarke was less than amused, gaze withering as she jumped down from the counter, “Fuck you!”

Lexa caught her around the waist before Clarke could storm out, spinning the blonde so they were face to face, “Clarke-”

“You don't understand!” Clarke pleaded, frustration evident and nearly in tears, “I need an A in that class.”

“Wait, isn't Lexa you're English teacher?” Anya frowned.

“No, Lexa teaches English Lit, I'm getting A's in Lexa's class,” Clarke shook her head, “I'm talking about my English class.”

“Why is it so important?” Lexa frowned, sensing there was more to this than just grades.

“You're giving her A's?” Anya's frown turned into a smirk, “Is that for her oral presentation?”

“Shut up, Anya,” Lexa snapped, sending her sister a death glare before her attention fixed back onto the hysterical blonde in front of her.

“I have to get straight A's, I have to...” Clarke shook her head, angry tears spilling down her cheeks before her expression turned hard and determined, “I'm getting that A and I don't care what it takes.”

“Calm it down, Clarkey,” Raven chimed in, concern overtaking her previous demeanor, “Don't go sucking dick just yet...you usually do good in that class, I'll email your teacher and we'll figure this out, okay?”

“Well,” Clarke said, staring blankly at her cousin.

“What?” Raven frowned in confusion.

“It's 'you usually do well in that class'.”

“See!” Raven grinned, “We'll sort this out. Yes?”

Clarke studied her cousin for a second before giving her nod, even if it was reluctant.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa could tell that today wouldn't be a good day for Madison from the start.

Madison was always clingier when her world was off balance, gripping onto Lexa like a lifeline and not letting go of her tight hold no matter how much she was coaxed. There were no smiles or laughs on days like this. On days that Madison felt her mother's absence the most. On days that Madison just missed her mommy.

And Lexa's heart broke for her on every one of those days.

To start with, Madison was just quiet. Subdued and stuck in her own head. Barely acknowledging when Lexa spoke unless it was to suggest she stop the death grip she had around Lexa's neck, in which case the answer was a firm shake of her head no.

Clingy and quiet Madison wasn't so bad. Lexa could just have a coffee and softly coo to the toddler, reassuring her that everything would be okay. But luck was not on her side and the moment she sat down to drink said coffee, two woman came up to her with notepads and expectant looks in their eye.

On any other day, Lexa would've been happy to be recognized for her work. It wasn't often that she was sought out by fans, not in small towns like this one. Cities were another story. But here, in Polis, this almost never happened. It took Lexa by surprise. Still, she humbly accepted the pen being pushed in her direction and politely listened to the women speak about her books. Answering any questions they had.

It shouldn't of been an issue. But it was. Having Lexa's attention divided turned out to be too much for Madison to handle as a loud and rumbling sob left the toddlers mouth and spread across the skin of Lexa's neck. She did her best to reassure the toddler that was tucked firmly into her chest, Lexa's hoodie zipped up, over her petite body but more sobs came after the first and Madison's red face poked out from beneath the hoodie. Blue eyes, filled with heartache and tears, meeting green.

Sending her fans an apologetic glance, Lexa abandoned her coffee, heading straight for Anya's hotel room so that she could get some privacy. She knew that it would be a long time until Madison calmed down.

Anya, thankfully, only met Lexa's pleading gaze with a concerned one of her own as she let them in. Madison's wails following Anya as she left to give Lexa some space with the toddler. And there was nothing Lexa could do except hold and rock the crying child. Whispering in her ear and letting her fall apart within the comforting embrace.

It took an hour. One whole hour for Madison to fall asleep. One whole hour of Madison crying for her mommy. For her mommy that wasn't coming. And it was only once Madison's eyes had fluttered shut, wet eyelashes sticking to chubby cheeks, that Lexa let herself fall apart too. Tears streaming down her own face and she cried into Madison's hair for the same reason. For Madison's mommy. Lexa wished for nothing more, in that moment, than the ability to get Madison's mommy for her. To drop the toddler into her mother's waiting arms.

She didn't stop crying until her phone dinged, signaling that Marcus was home and that she could drop Madison off. So she cleaned her face with her sleeve, unwilling to let go of Madison to do it properly, and reluctantly went on her way. Madison cradled close and sleeping fitfully against her with a little crease between her pinched eyebrows.

“Lexa!” Marcus opened the door with a big grin but it fell the moment her noticed her watery eyes, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Lexa shook her head, smiling down at the sleeping bundle in her arms.

“Come in, come in,” Marcus opened the door wider, gesturing towards the living room, “Do you want to set her down on the couch?”

Lexa nodded, making her way through and gently setting Madison down along with a massive part of her heart. She rubbed the toddlers stomach, pulling the blanket up higher around the little brunette. Leaning down, she pressed a kiss against Madison's cheek, careful not to make her stir, “Good night, little one. I love you.”

“Are you staying?” Marcus asked, pulling Lexa's attention as he watched the interaction from the doorway.

Lexa shook her head, she really needed to go home. She made her way outside, “I need to get back.”

“Okay, thank you for watching her,” Marcus smiled kindly, making Lexa give a hesitant nod.

She watched as Marcus turned to head back into his house but Lexa couldn't let him shut the door just yet. Hovering on the doorstep awkwardly, she gathered up her courage and let her emotions fuel her forward.

“I want to adopt her,” She wasn't sure what possessed her to say it like that but in that moment everything was pushed to a boiling point. All her emotions coming out of her mouth in one, blurted sentence. Marcus had stopped in his tracks, turning to Lexa with wide eyes and it spurred Lexa on to pull herself together. She licked her lips, swallowing down any nerves and taking a deep breath to steady her voice, “I've...I've been spending a lot of time with Madison and Abby explained that it wasn't necessarily convenient for her to have a toddler to take care of. I...I was wondering, hoping really, that you and Abby would consider letting me adopt her.”

“Well, Lexa...I...” Marcus blinked heavily, clearly taken aback and taking a long minute to gather himself. Meeting her with an open gaze, “Abby and I have certainly discussed that possibly a few times and if you're serious about this then I'll talk to her.”

Lexa felt hope swell in her chest. Having to school her expression in order to repress a blinding smile that was creeping up on her, Lexa nodded firmly, “I am.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Although exhausted from her encounter with Marcus and Madison's upset, Lexa perked up when she got home to find Clarke laughing with her friends around a box of pizza. It was a far cry from how upset Clarke had been that morning and Lexa was grateful for it. She was ushered by Raven onto one of the couches, a slice of pizza pushed into her hand as Raven explained that Clarke was having a mini party and sleepover in celebration of her painting getting accepted for the exhibition at Polis Gallery.

Octavia, having heard Raven, leaning back on her chair with her mouth full, “Yeah and it took me ages to convince my mom that I wouldn't eat junk food or get kidnapped so don't go stealing Clarke for any hanky panky.”

Lexa's eyes widened, briefly catching Clarke's amused ones before giving Octavia a nod, “Wouldn't dream of it.”

“Mrs Blake is the worst,” Raven pulled a face, “So overprotective, honestly. I give Clarke free rein and the worst that happens is her getting high on coke and making sex tapes, that woman aught to calm down with her helicopter parenting.”

Lexa caught eyes with Clarke, noticing the way Clarke's chin dipped, gaze hitting the floor but she shrugged it off quickly, sending Lexa a reassuring smile and tipping her beer towards Raven in jest. Bellamy and Lincoln had the decency to hide their amusement by smirking into their beers. Octavia, however, did not. Falling off her chair as she doubled over in laughter earnt her a kick in the thigh from Clarke but that did nothing to simmer her laughter.

“Seriously,” Octavia choked out through her laughter, “My mom won't even let me go to the store on my own if it's past nine pm in case there are any 'delinquents' about!”

Bellamy, seeming to sober a little at his sister's comment, shifted in his seat, “Mom's just looking out for you, O.”

Pulling herself from the floor to lean between Clarke's open thighs, Octavia pointed an accusatory finger at her brother, “You wouldn't know because you get the special treatment and hello, how is that fair? Just because you're a boy?”

“No,” Bellamy huffed, “She just wants to take care of you.”

“I can take care of myself,” Octavia bit back, taking a large swig of her beer as if to prove her point.

“Sibling drama,” Raven rolled her eyes, “Who needs it?”

“Apparently them,” Clarke quipped, leaning her arms over one of Octavia's shoulders to shove a piece of pizza into a now brooding Bellamy's mouth with a chuckle.

“How about we leave these fuckers to do some teenage shit and we go out?” Raven turned on Lexa.

“Teenage shit?” Lincoln mused.

“Jeez, will someone shut that boy up? He never stops,” Raven teased, causing the quiet boy to chuckle.

“Tell me about it,” Octavia joined in with a giggle.

“Anyway, you guys watch Hannah Montana, talk about what your first kisses are going to be like and decide which boys you wish would ask you to prom,” Raven reeled off before pointing at Lexa, “We are going dancing.”

Dancing turned out to be just what Lexa needed. After a long and emotional week it felt good to let her hair down, have a few cocktails and let loose on the dance floor. Raven had officially declared it a 'girls night out' once she'd roped Anya, Echo and Harper into joining them. And after everyone was sweaty from laughing and dancing, Lexa had found herself in a booth with the ever so lovely Harper since Anya, Echo and Raven had disappeared after some particularly dirty dancing to do what? Lexa wasn't sure she wanted to know. She was happy with Harper, Harper showing her many photos of her three year old son, Jordan who she couldn't wait to get back to.

After an hour of catching up with Harper and admiring her extremely handsome, baby boy, the others emerged from the bathroom look a little worse for wear. Lexa didn't need anyone to confirm her suspicions, it was clearly written over the three of their faces that they'd been up to some less than PG activities. It made Lexa wrinkle her nose in disgust because, her sister, obviously and also bathroom.

They barreled through the front door around one am, earlier than they could've been but they were done with dancing and their intoxication had long faded, leaving them sleepy and giggly. Anya headed straight for the stairs, probably to get a shower before heading to bed and Raven leaned on Lexa's shoulders from behind, giggling in her ear and going on tiptoes to peer over Lexa's shoulder at Clarke and her friends.

Clarke and her friends, who seemed to be emerged in a serious game of Truth or Dare.

“Octavia,” Clarke grinned, tilting her head towards her friend in a teasing gesture as her eyes sparkled, “Have you ever had sex with Linc...while your mom was in the house?”

“That's my sister,” Bellamy groaned.

Lexa laughed, eyes flitting to Raven, over her shoulder, “Do you think we should be listening to this?”

“Shh,” Raven said dramatically, slapping on Lexa's arm, “I want to know if she's done it.”

She woke up only an hour after she'd gotten to sleep, her bladder waking her in desperation and a raw throat that was definitely going to need hydrating. She padded her way to the bathroom, relieving herself quickly before heading to the stairs in order to grab a bottle of water from the fridge but, as she reached the top of the stairs, she was frozen in her tracks by voices. Voices that no doubt belonged to Clarke and Octavia. She shouldn't listen, she really shouldn't and she was about to head on down but then she herd her name.”

“What's up with you and Lexa? Are you guys together?”

Lexa held her breath in wait of Clarke's reply, she assumed the thought would get shut down. They'd never talked about it, not really. Only that Clarke wasn't, isn't, ready. But Clarke's reply made her heart jump in her chest.

“We're heading that way.”

“Really? You've never been serious about anyone before.”

There was a brief pause before Lexa heard Clarke let out a sigh, “Lexa's special.”

“She's that good is bed huh?” Came Octavia's teasing reply.

Clarke's laughter carried up the stairs, “No...I mean yeah, but that isn't what makes her special.”

Lexa's heart swelled but in the back of her brain she felt guilty for listening. If Clarke wanted her to hear it then the blonde would say it to her but Lexa just couldn't get her feet to move. Not when her heart was hanging onto every word, not when Clarke was giving some insight into her feelings.

“What is it then?”

“It's who she is. Lexa's...everything...and she's nothing. She makes me feel worth it but, more than that, she believes that I'm worth it.”

“You've never talked about anyone like this before, Clarke, so what's stopping you?”

Again there was a long pause before Clarke spoke, her voice quieter, small, “I didn't think I was capable of feeling this much for someone.”

Lexa swallowed, even as it pained her dry throat. She felt the exact same way. She, too, didn't think she was capable of feeling so much for someone. Not until she met Clarke.

“You're scared,” Octavia's statement drifted to her ears, firm and without negotiation.

“What if I go all in with her and then she wakes up one day and realizes that she made a mistake? That I'm not worth it, that she's wasted her time and that she could do so much better than me?”

Lexa's heart sank. She never wanted Clarke to feel that way. She would be the lucky one if they ever got together. She knew without a doubt that she'd never wake up and think any of those things. She loved Clarke for exactly who Clarke was, good and bad. Wasn't that the point? She was just about to march downstairs and tell Clarke exactly that when Octavia's voice beat her to it.

“What if she doesn't?”

The statement hung in the air for a stretch of silence before Clarke's breathy laugh could be heard, “Yeah, what if.”

“You deserve to be loved, Clarke,” Octavia spoke, softer now, “And Lexa loves you...so if you love her too then maybe you should just let her.”

Yes, Clarke. Let me love you. Lexa shook her head. She really shouldn't be listening to this.

“Maybe I should.”

She scrubbed a hand over her face, trying to shut out whatever else they were saying as she dragged herself away from her position. Her sore throat would have to wait until the morning. She scolded herself for being so intrusive as she made her way back to her room. Clarke's voice trailed after her, drifting into her head.

“First I have to tell her about-”

She shut the door behind her before falling forward onto her bed.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep but decided she must have when she woke up, feeling groggy and not well rested. She noticed that it was still dark, the moon high in sky and shining through her window, causing patterns within the shadowy corners. The next thing she noticed was a presence in her room, presumable what woke her up, and soon enough, that presence was crawling into her bed and settling quietly next to her.

She didn't think she'd see Clarke again tonight, or early morning she supposed. She thought that Clarke would've opted to sleep downstairs, with her friends. After all wasn't that what sleepovers entailed? But there Clarke was, watching her with sparkling blue eyes and snuggling into her comforter. It took her a moment to realize that Clarke wasn't drunk, as she'd imagined, but just tipsy, if the light pink blush on her cheeks was anything to go by.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise, her voice a groan from the dryness of going to sleep thirsty, “You're not drunk.”

Clarke shook her head, nodding towards a water bottle she'd set on Lexa's night stand, “I wasn't feeling it.”

Lexa observed Clarke's dancing blue eyes for a moment, a little smile coming to her face. They both knew the falseness of Clarke's statement. Clarke rarely 'wasn't feeling it', they both knew that Clarke had purposefully cut herself off, had purposefully switched to water because Clarke was working hard to be better. And Lexa couldn't of been prouder than she was.

A further protest of her dry throat pulled her from her staring, she groaned, “Fuck, let me have some of that.”

A giggle left the blonde as she leant over, revealing that she was wearing Lexa's old soccer sweater again as she reaching for the drink. Lexa taking greedy gulps as soon as the bottle was pressed into her hand. She settled a little closer to Clarke once her thirst was stated, feeling the blonde's body close to hers.

“Where are your friends?” Lexa mused.

“Linc and O are screwing in my bed,” Clarke giggled at the sight of Lexa wrinkling her nose, “And Bell took the couch.”

Lexa nodded absent-mindedly, lips quirking at the corners when she felt Clarke's hand find hers under the comforter, their fingers locking, “And you couldn't sleep alone?”

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully, showing off her teeth in a grin, “I couldn't sleep without you.”

“Oh,” Lexa mumbled, taken aback. A goofy smile taking over her face at the implications of Clarke's words. Clarke didn't hide behind her words anymore, not with Lexa. There was a time that Clarke would have never admitted that. She would've danced around it with her words. But not anymore, for which Lexa was grateful.

“Come on, goof-ball,” Clarke leant over, pressing a quick kiss to Lexa's, already red, cheek before turning around, taking Lexa's arm with her so that she had no choice but to follow Clarke's movements, “I'm sleepy.”

Lexa nodded even though Clarke couldn't see her with her back turned, inching closer and intertwining their legs, pressing her front against Clarke's back until there was simply no room left in-between them. She tightened her arms around Clarke's waste, squeezing the hand in hers that was against the blonde's stomach. She buried her face in soft blonde hair, taking a deep breath of Clarke's shampoo, “Goodnight, pretty girl.”

“G'night, babe.”

Chapter Text

30. Revelation

Entering the teacher's lounge only to be greeted by Costia waving a doughnut under her nose put a smile on Lexa's face that morning. There were other things that made her smile too, of course. Like waking up with a beautiful girl in her arms, a beautiful girl that couldn't sleep without her. But a friend with a doughnut certainly didn't hurt either.

“Want one?” Costia teased.

“Are those your mom's special jelly doughnuts?” Lexa asked in hope, licking her lips at the thought. It wasn't long ago that Lexa had first become privy to the wonderful taste and she'd certainly made an exception in her usually healthy eating schedule every time the doughnuts had been on offer since.

“You can have one if you don't quit,” Costia quipped, setting one of the freshly made treats onto a napkin and handing it to Lexa.

“Thank you, you're amazing,” Lexa smiled, “But don't make me feel bad, it's a good thing I'm quitting, I'm a terrible teacher.”

“I know I'm amazing,” Costia grinned, settling onto the couch next to Lexa, “But don't say that, I think the school is lucky to have you...even if you are going to leave soon.”

Lexa smiled in thanks, unwilling to agree with her friend since in her short time being a teacher she had slept with one of her students. Still, Clarke was worth it and she definitely wasn't going to embark on teaching ever again.

“What's new with you, anyway?”

Lexa tipped her head at the question. Where to even start? Everything. She couldn't exactly tell Costia about her progress with Clarke though and she didn't want to talk to anyone about adopting Madison until the decision had been made so she settled on a topic of less importance, “My brother has his championship soccer game coming up so I think we're going to head up to Ton DC.”

“You and your sister?”

Lexa nodded, “Plus Raven, Clarke and the baby.”

“Raven and Clarke are meeting your family?” Costia's expression morphed into shock mixed with a little bit of jealousy.

“They already met my mom and brother,” Lexa reminded her, making Costia nod, “So it's just dad. Besides, Raven and Anya are dating so...what about you? What have you been up to?”

Seemingly thankful for the subject change, Costia sent her a warm smile, “I've just been busy with the gallery, they asked me to help set up for the opening so lots of lugging around heavy paintings.”

“That's-”

“Oh!” Costia cut her off, turning to Lexa at a rapid pace, “Did you hear anything more about Kyle Wick? I heard a rumor that he was selling drugs to students.”

Lexa cringed at the new information, concern flooding her. If there was already a rumor about Vile Kyle selling drugs then how long was it going to be before Clarke's name got attached? The last thing Clarke needed was to be dragged through the mud. She definitely wasn't going to give the rumor mill anymore information than it already had, Clarke or no Clarke. She nodded pensively, “I heard that too.”

“It's terrible,” Costia sighed, her face falling, “We're supposed to be protecting these kids and to think that one of us would actually supply them with harmful substances makes me sick to my stomach. I hope he gets a long sentence.”

So did Lexa. Maybe not because of the drugs. However bad that was, Lexa knew that high school kids would get drugs anyway. But after what he did to Clarke...Lexa took a deep breath, calming the rage that boiled in her belly, “If the rumors are true then they'll probably make an example out of him.”

“Good,” Costia spat, “Then he'll probably get the maximum sentence possible.”

“Too bad we didn't know he dealt before that camping trip, magic mushrooms would've made the whole thing a lot funner,” Lexa mused, knocking her shoulder against Costia's with a smirk.

It got the reaction Lexa was going for, Costia looking positively scandalized as she gasped, her face turning red as she attempted to stifle a giggle, “Shut up and eat your doughnut!”

Lexa, still chuckling, turned towards her treat. Picking it up with her fingers, she took a big bite. It tasted as good as she remembered but apparently that was an issue as she let out an embarrassingly loud and sinful sounding moan. Her blush running to her ears, Lexa smiled sheepishly as she swallowed her mouthful, “Sorry, I just love these doughnuts.”

Costia's giggles were cut off as a figure made themselves known in the doorway. Lexa's eyes snapped up, drinking in the image of Clarke as the blonde leant against the door frame, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“Am I interrupting?”

Lexa shook her head no, eyes dropping to Clarke's pushed up cleavage for a second before the blonde moved with a scoff, making her way over to the fitted kitchen and switching the kettle on to boil.

“Clarke, should you be in here?” Costia asked, an authoritative edge to her tone that made Lexa grimace, “This is the teacher's lounge.”

“Raven asked me to get her a coffee,” Clarke replied and even with her back to them, Lexa could hear the eye roll in Clarke's voice.

Costia hesitated for a second, as if debating whether to further her scolding or not but thankfully relented. Lexa almost relaxed before she noticed that Costia's attention was still firmly on Clarke. This was not going to be good. Costia and Clarke were not a good mix. Costia treating Clarke like a child and Clarke letting her temper flare. She watched with worried eyes, holding her breath for the inevitable fall out.

“Are you exited to be a part of the exhibit?” Costia asked, tone laced with false pep.

Clarke shrugged one shoulder lazily, voice coming out bored, “It's no big deal.”

“It is a big deal!” Costia argued and Lexa cringed, wishing Costia would just leave it, surely it wasn't that hard to tell that Clarke was not in the mood, “Getting picked for exhibitions like this one can lead to art scholarships.”

“Maybe I don't want to go to college for art,” Clarke supplied casually, still not giving Costia the time of day enough to turn and face her.

“It still looks great on your applications,” Costia pushed, “And you're piece is good, great even.”

Clarke let out a visible sigh, palms flattening on the surface below her, “It's just a painting.”

“Well,” Costia's voice turned teasing, making Lexa's heart beat just that little bit faster, “I think a certain someone might have been on your mind while you were painting it.”

That made Clarke turn around, eye blazing, “Excuse me?”

“Don't be embarrassed,” Costia laughed, “It's cute that you have a crush on Lexa.”

Lexa's eyes widened at the same as Clarke's narrowed, Clarke tone turning acidic, “I think a certain someone should mind their own damn business.”

The growl in Clarke's tone made Lexa wince and for a moment she wished the ground would just swallow her. She didn't have the faintest idea why Costia felt the need to belittle Clarke but it seemed to be becoming the woman's favorite hobby.

As predicted, Costia's mouth fell open as she stood up, “Clarke! You cannot speak to me like that!”

“Then watch your damn mouth,” Clarke spat.

Costia glancing towards Lexa for help made her sink lower into her chair but Clarke's angry gaze sweeping over her kicked Lexa into action, standing up and subtly placing herself between them, “Um...I'm sure Clarke's painting is beautiful no matter what the inspiration.”

“It's definitely a beautiful product of some unrequited feelings,” Costia said, tone nothing but condescending.

Lexa winced, if only Costia knew just how wrong she was. She noticed Clarke open her mouth in retort but judging by the death glare being sent Costia's way, it wasn't going to be anything good so Lexa beat her to it.

“Or maybe it wasn't,” She spoke firmly, sending a pointed look towards Costia in hopes that the other teacher would take a hint.

“Have you seen the painting?” Costia asked incredulously, expression unimpressed.

“It makes you look good right? One of your students getting picked?” Clarke spat, weight shifting towards Lexa slightly, “So how about you leave me the fuck alone and I won't let anyone know that you haven't taught me a damn thing?”

Lexa had to mentally scold the little part of her that was impressed by Clarke's confidence, the little part of her that was threatening to put a smile on her face.

Costia looked more irritated than ever, “This behavior-”

“Costia,” Lexa butted in, eyes pleading, “Let me...I'll...please let me talk to Clarke about this?”

“I should send her to the principle, she could get suspended for this!” Costia exclaimed.

Clarke's expression darkened, “Bite me.”

“Please,” Lexa pushed her way in front of Clarke, hoping to shield Clarke's unapologetic glares from Costia as well as provide Clarke with a barrier against the attack, “Everyone has a bad day...just let me deal with this. I swear I'll make sure she gets grounded or something.”

Costia glared at her for a heavy moment before her resolve softened slightly, giving Lexa a brief nod, “Fine...but I won't be this lenient again.”

Lexa let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”

Costia's hazel eyes searched Lexa's face for a further moment before she turned towards the door, muttering as she left, “I'll see you around, Lexa.”

It took Lexa a second to calm her racing heart but once she did, she turned towards Clarke, meeting the blonde's back as she pulled a mug from the cabinet, “Clarke-”

“Is it the doughnuts you love or the girl who brings them to you?”

Clarke's voice came out low, washing over Lexa and making her shiver. Lexa was taken aback by the harsher edge but soon a smile came to her face, a part of her enjoying the fact that Clarke was jealous. She let a smirk overtake her face as she leant next to Clarke.

“They are good doughnuts but the girl isn't really my type.”

Blue eyes connected with hers as Clarke's glanced at her from the corner of her eye, demeanor softening, “No?”

“Nah,” Lexa teased, shifting from her place to step behind Clarke, grazing her front against the blonde's back in a gentle press, “Not nearly moody enough for me.”

The giggle the got in reply made her smile wide, her lips pressing once against Clarke's cheek before she pulled back, falling into one of the chairs, “Careful, pretty girl or I'll think you're capable of smiling.”

“Can't have that,” Clarke teased back, facing Lexa with a grin before sliding herself onto Lexa's lap, “Especially if you're into moody girls.”

“I'm sorry, your attempt at seduction isn't going to work,” Lexa smirked, guesting to Clarke's body even as she slid an arm around Clarke's slim waist, “I already have a girl and she's too scary to cheat on.”

Clarke's head tipped back as a giggle fell from her mouth, her bright, blue eyes sparkling, “You're an idiot.”

Their moment got cut short when Octavia's face appeared around the door, eyes searching, “Clarke?”

Clarke's head shot up, getting up from her spot only to frown in confusion when Octavia barreled through the door, dragging Niylah in after her by the arm and pushing the other girl into a seated position on the couch, “This shit is stopping now.”

Clarke's frown deepened, “What the hell?”

“This has gone on long enough,” Octavia said, glancing between Niylah and Clarke, “This bitch just told Lincoln that you've agreed to be with her after graduation.”

“No!” Niylah piped up, her accent getting stronger with her irritation, “I did not tell him-”

“You calling my guy a liar?” Octavia cut her off, expression menacing, “I'm done with you talking shit about my best friend! It's not going to happen.”

“What because of her? I had a chance before she came along!”

And suddenly Lexa was in the crossfire, her eyes widened as Niylah's pointer finger was directed straight at her face. She took a glance at Clarke but Clarke looked equally as shocked by the turn of events.

Octavia, however, needed no time to recover, “No you didn't! Clarke has never seen you like that.”

Niylah's expression shifted, hurt evident along with the anger, “She slept with me.”

Octavia shook her head, stepping forwards but was halted by a gentle hand on her arm as Clarke shook her head.

“O's right,” Clarke said softly, “This has gone too far.”

Niylah turned desperate, expression pleading, “You do not see what is right in front of you, I-”

“I do see you, Niy,” Clarke said, voice quiet, “And I see you as a friend.”

For a moment Niylah's face fell, eyes hitting the floor but then her anger returned, a glare being directed towards Lexa once more, “Because of her!”

“No, Lexa has nothing to do with this,” Clarke said firmly, sitting down next to Niylah on the couch and keeping Niylah's attention on herself instead of Lexa, “You're a great friend but I just don't see you as more than that. I'm sorry, Niylah.”

“We slept together,” Niylah sniffled, face falling further into despair, “You were playing me?”

“No...not intentionally,” Clarke bit her lip, her own expression drifting towards hurt and Lexa just knew that Clarke would be beating herself up about this for days, “I'm sorry, it wasn't fair to you that I did that. It wasn't fair for me to give you hope. I just needed someone.”

Niylah looked lost but for a second hope came to her gaze as she lifted her head to meet Clarke's gaze, “I could be good to you, if you gave me a chance I could...I could be a better girlfriend than her, Clarke. I...”

The words died on Niylah's tongue as Clarke gently shook her head, expression nothing but apologetic, her words cracking and letting Lexa know that the blonde was close to tears, “I'm sorry, I'm happy with my current girlfriend but this isn't about her...Even if I was single, Niylah, I...you're my friend.”

Niylah made brief eye contact with Lexa before turning back to Clarke, looking like she might have one last ditch attempt but Clarke saw it too and grabbed one of Niylah's hands.

“I'm sorry that I'm hurting you,” Clarke whispered, “I don't want to lose you but I need you to accept this. I need you to move on.”

After a long moment, Niylah nodded. Her posture defeated, she looked like a girl who had just gotten her heart broken, “I can try.”

“Thank you, Niylah,” Clarke breathed out a sigh of relief, a watery smile spreading across her face.

“Lexa makes you happy?”

Clarke paused, her eyes finding Lexa's for a second before fixing back into the girl in front of her, “Lexa makes me happy.”

Lexa watched on as Clarke and Niylah shared a hug. Feeling intrusive that she was a witness to such an intimate conversation. She remained lost in thought until Octavia leant into her space, voice low enough for only her to hear.

“I didn't know you guys were official.”

Lexa's eyes swept over Clarke, the thought of calling the blond her girlfriend making her heart swell, she let out a long breath, “Neither did I.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Hungry wasn't something she understood until now. Yes, she'd been hungry before. The type of hungry you get when you don't finish your meal because you didn't like the vegetables on offer, later wishing you'd just sucked it up and eaten the ghastly brussel sprouts. The type of hungry you get after you traded your lunch rations for a candy bar and after a sugar rush you were left with a grumbling stomach until dinner. Even the type of hunger you get after a few days of being punished with no rations at all for being bad in lock up.

This was different. This kind of hunger she felt in her entire being. This type of hunger consumed her to the point of feeling faint. This type of hunger was one of the worse punishments-

“Lexa!”

Lexa glanced up, glasses askew and brain the the middle of her process. Blinking heavily as she took in the form in front of her. Abby. Her mood lowered considerably. Abby wasn't her favorite person in the world and Lexa really doubted that her creative juices would still be flowing after an encounter with the woman.

With a forlorn sigh, she hit save and gently closed her laptop, pulling off her glasses and plastering a fake smile on her face, “Hi, Abby.”

“Do you mind if I sit?” Abby asked, not giving Lexa a chance to reply as she primly settled into the seat opposite Lexa.

Lexa glanced around Grounder's, for what? She didn't know. A distraction? A savior? Anything? She resigned herself to having what was sure to be another unpleasant conversation, taking a long sip of her coffee and noticing Abby's 'to go' cup, if only.

“How have you been?” Abby asked, an easy smile in place but still with a bite in her gaze, “Marcus said that you had some trouble with Madison yesterday?”

“Oh...uh,” Lexa frowned, trouble? No. Heartbreak? Yes, she'd certainly shared some heartbreak with her favorite brunette, “No trouble, she was just missing her mom.”

“I see,” Abby said, disdain in her voice and not even trying to hide her accompanying eye roll.

Lexa bit her lip, leaning further back in her seat and fixing her eyes on the half eaten doughnut she'd ordered when she first sat down, three coffees ago. She'd forgotten that Madison's mother was the she devil, had she remembered then she probably would've stayed away from that topic.

“No matter,” Abby said after a moment of smoothing down her already as-unwrinkled-as-they-could-possibly-get-pants, “The child doesn't remember the difficulties she faced. I doubt she'll even remember her mother in a few years.”

Lexa's frown deepened along with her mood. A world where Madison didn't remember her mom wasn't a world Lexa wanted to live in. Madison's mom, whether real or imagined by the toddler, was sweet and loving and kind. And Lexa wanted to keep it that way. She vowed to herself that she'd talk to the toddler more about her mommy, keeping her memories alive as the toddler saw them.

When Lexa glanced up to see Abby looking at her expectantly, she realized that she was supposed to reply. She sucked in a breath in an attempt to lighten her expression, there was no point in disagreeing with this woman. All Lexa wanted was for Madison to be happy and Lexa causing arguments wasn't going to achieve that. The only thing that Lexa could do was play nice and hope that this woman, this grandmother would give her Madison for keeps.

“I'm sure she'll make new memories soon enough,” Lexa nodded politely. It was the best she could do, say a truth that sounded like agreement. It'd do, she supposed. Madison would make new memories, Lexa could only hope that they wouldn't replace the memories the toddler had of her mom.

“Marcus told me about your offer,” Abby said, making Lexa perk up in her seat, “We haven't had a chance to discuss it yet, what with us both being incredibly busy at work.”

Lexa nodded along, knowing that Abby's words along with her narrowed eyes, were somehow a dig at Lexa. Perhaps writing wasn't a hard working enough career for Abby. Lexa didn't care. She was financially stable and she got a lot of free time, what more could she possibly ask for? A beautiful blonde wife, a beautiful brunette daughter, the dog...No. She couldn't let her mind drift now, not when Abby was talking about this.

“Yes, uncle Marcus said that you're quite the career woman,” Lexa gushed, aiming to compliment, “What is it that you do?”

“I'm a doctor,” Abby stated proudly, eyeing Lexa for a response.

Lexa schooled her features to impressed, ignoring the nagging in the back of her mind. Now wasn't the time for deja-vu, “That's incredible.”

Abby nodded, clearly thinking the same thing before she leant forward, elbows resting on the table surface between them as she observed Lexa with calculated eyes, “Why do you want to be a mother, Lexa?”

The question took Lexa aback. Taking a second to compose herself, Lexa levelled Abby with the most confident look she could, “I've always wanted to be a mother. I've always wanted kids. Granted, I thought I'd want to get married first but...I love Madison with all of my heart and I think I could be a really good mother for her.”

Abby continued her scrutinization, expression flat and giving away exactly nothing of her feelings towards Lexa's words. Lexa almost backed down, almost shrank into herself, almost dropped her gaze but something inside her told her not to. Something inside her told her that it was important for her to do this, to fight for Madison.

After a long, tense moment Abby's expression relaxed. The older blonde woman smiled and tipped her head in Lexa's direction, letting out a low chuckle, “Very good, my dear. You know, Marcus and I actually talked about asking you to have Madison?”

“You did?” Lexa mumbled, relaxing slightly and remembering in the back of her mind that Marcus had said something about the pair discussing that option a few times.

“We did,” Abby nodded, “You know that we aren't exactly a couple who wants a child and we were looking into other options for Madison, your name came up a few times.”

“That's...good?” Lexa frowned, “Is that good?”

“It's good,” Abby chuckled again, this time not hiding the fact that she found Lexa's awkwardness amusing, “My only concern was your age, I don't want to have taken Madison away from one immature mother only to give her to another but Marcus assured me that you have a good head on your shoulders, that you're responsible.”

Lexa nodded along until something struck her, her eyes narrowing, “I thought you said Madison's mom left?”

“What, dear?” Abby glanced up from her task of stirring whatever was in her to go cup, waving a hand in dismissal once she noticed Lexa's confused expression, “My daughter did leave. I didn't mean anything by it, it's just an expression.”

Lexa shifted in her seat, feeling slightly more uneasy as the seconds passed. Did Madison's mom leave her? Or did Abby take Madison away from her mom? Anger grew within Lexa as she realized which one she believed to be true.

“Do you think you'll ever have a relationship with your daughter?” Lexa pressed, wanting more information but being extra careful to hold any judgment back from her tone.

Abby scoffed the moment the question left Lexa's mouth, amusement dancing in her brown eyes as if Lexa had told a joke, “My daughter is nothing but an un-achieving slut who should've had an abortion when she had the chance but instead hid her pregnancy until it was too late, there's no relationship to have.”

Lexa recoiled at every punching word. A sickening feeling washing over her at just how little affection this woman had for her own daughter. She swallowed down her anger, her hate as well and she pushed away the alarm bells that were ringing in her head, the nagging feeling in the back of her head coming back. She didn't even want to think about the fact that in Abby's eyes, Madison should've been aborted. That thought would've definitely made her vomit all over her laptop if she pondered it any.

Lexa struggled, struggled, but pulled herself together. She wasn't going to show any weakness, not with this woman. She was going to stick to her plan and play nice. If Madison became hers then she could rip this woman a new one for even thinking about using the word abortion in reference to Madison ever again. But for now she had to suck it up.

“That must be hard for you.”

The words felt foreign on her tongue, like someone else had spoken instead of her. And in a way, they had. It wasn't her true self saying them, it was a part of her with a thick skull and a grater resolve.

“Yes...oh, is that the time?” Abby's eyes flashed briefly with panic as they fixed on the clock that was hanging on the wall behind Lexa somewhere, “I must get to the hospital but it was lovely to see you, Lexa. We'll get this adoption stuff worked out soon, okay?”

Lexa internally cheered at the woman's departure but her exterior remained baffled at the notion that this encounter had somehow been lovely. Still, she plastered of the nicest smile she could and waved as Abby rushed out of the coffee shop, to go cup in hand and taking her foul vibes with her.

Lexa sat still, dumbstruck by the entire conversation and staring at the closed door. Her head in a daze until someone plonked into the seat opposite her with much less grace than that of Abby, throwing her a toothy grin and reaching for her cup of coffee.

“Octavia?” Lexa breathed out, watching as the younger brunette took a sip of her, now cold, coffee and made a face.

“That's disgusting, you shouldn't pay for that,” Octavia said, shoving the cup and saucer back over to Lexa's side of the table before she glanced behind her at the now closed door, “How do you know Abby anyway?”

“Abby?” Lexa eyed the brunette, her brain barely catching up as she registered what Octavia was saying, “Oh, uh...she's engaged to my uncle.”

“Gross,” Octavia grimaced, “Who would want to marry her? She's awful.”

Lexa's ears perked up as she sat up straighter in her chair, a laugh leaving her throat, “She is, she's the worst.”

“Tell me about it,” Octavia huffed out a giggle of her own, “She's rude, she's obnoxious and she dresses like an old lady.”

Lexa couldn't help but laugh at the statement. She herself wouldn't necessarily take fashion into account when assessing someone for being awful but nevertheless, it was rather funny, “Every time I speak to her, the more convinced I am that she's the devil.”

“Fuck, yeah,” Octavia nodded enthusiastically, “I bet she has the tail and everything, that bitch could probably walk through fire and still come out insulting everything she came across.”

Lexa pressed her palm over her mouth in an attempt to keep her laughter at a reasonable noise level in a public place, “I wouldn't be surprised if that's why she became a doctor, to find errors.”

Octavia, however, has no such reservations as she threw her head back as a loud chuckle left her mouth, “I wouldn't be surprised if she secretly kills all her patients for kicks.”

“Oh my God!” Lexa laughed, covering her face with her hands.

“Anyway, I better get home, I only stopped by to pick up some junk food for movie night,” Octavia grinned, “They do the best chocolate chip cookies here, I swear.”

Lexa nodded, briefly remembering Clarke mentioning something about a girls only sleepover that Octavia's mom had finally let her have after months of begging, “Have fun with that.”

“I will,” Octavia grinned, wiggling her eyebrows, “I'm sneaking Lincoln in after midnight.”

“Good luck,” Lexa grinned, waving as Octavia opened the door.

Octavia paused as she was halfway through it, “Good luck with that witch marrying your uncle! Seriously I don't know how such a bitch could possibly give birth to the goddess that is Clarke Griffin.”

Lexa's laughter followed Octavia out of the door but as the door slammed shut, Lexa was hit with the meaning of Octavia's words like a ton of bricks. The wind getting knocked out of her at the realization. If Abby gave birth to Clarke...if Clarke was Abby's daughter then...

Was Clarke Madison's mom?

Chapter Text

31. Truth

“Good luck with that witch marrying your uncle! Seriously I don't know how such a bitch could possibly give birth to the goddess that is Clarke Griffin.”

Lexa's head was spinning. She felt like she was going to either throw up or spontaneously combust. Her chest felt tight. Her body felt both numb and on fire. Once the main dot was connected the rest came in a viscous, swirling cycle, each coming and going too rapidly for Lexa to cling onto. Nothing made sense. Yet everything made sense. Clarke was Madison's mom. Madison was Clarke's daughter. And Lexa needed answers.

The overwhelming rush of emotions knocked her, rattling her to her core. Shock was first, consuming her fully and freezing her in her tracks. Disbelief was next, making her heart thud in her ears. Heartache, for the two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly but were tragically out of reach. And guilt, all consuming and wrapping uncomfortably around her insides.

She wasn't proud of herself for throwing up in the street but as she stumbled out of Grounder's Café, her stomach churning at the immense layer of guilt that settled over her, she did. Doubling over, the contents of her stomach splashing onto the side walk and retching until there was nothing left but air. All Madison wanted in the world was her mommy and Lexa could've made that happen. Every cry, every sob, every tremble of her bottom lip that Lexa could've prevented flashed through her mind.

She cursed herself as images of Clarke and Madison popped into her head. Of all the evidence that could've, should've, lead her to one conclusion. To the truth.

Her mind raced, fixing on every little detail she'd missed. Every little detail that the mother and daughter shared. Of course Madison was Clarke's. Once it hit her, Lexa could see it in every characteristic and every attribute. Other than the obvious similarities in their behavior - both being guarded, both being careful with their hearts as well as neither of them being known for their athleticism – there was also their mannerisms. The way they'd pout, the way their bottom lips would quiver when they tried to hold back their tears, the way they'd cock their heads to the side with matching teasing smirks when they were up to no good.

The biggest smack in the face for Lexa, making her feel utterly stupid for not noticing sooner was their physical similarities. Other than the obviously different colors of head toppers – Clarke blonde and Madison brunette – Madison was a carbon copy of Clarke. Their faces holding so many similarities. Their blue eyes both bright, both sets holding all of their secrets. It was how Lexa read them, through their eyes. Neither of them gave away their inner thoughts any other way, their expressions always guarded and their words careful. But those eyes...those identical, expressive, blue eyes gave them away. Like a private look into each of their minds.

She knew straight away that Madison's depiction of her mother was the most accurate. She knew Clarke. And Clarke had said it herself, Clarke would never leave her baby. Which led Lexa to only one conclusion, Madison had been taken away from Clarke. Ripped from her mother's arms and stolen from her mother's care. The thought making her heave again, her body's attempt to rid her of such toxic facts.

Her heart ached as her mind conjured up memories that Madison had shared. Of Madison's mommy having a face that Lexa knew well. Of Clarke being in the place of the usually faceless woman from Lexa's thoughts. Of Clarke taking the toddler to the field with the flowers and teaching her to make daisy chains. Of Clarke teaching Madison to be kind. Of Clarke drawing the toddler, of drawing her daughter as Madison colored next to her. Of Clarke tucking her in at night with kisses and cuddles and I love yous.

Her next train of thought had her doubled over yet again, dry heaving even though her stomach ached. The things Abby had said about Madison's mom. About Clarke. Everything she knew about Abby, about Clarke's mom listing in her head and making it hurt. Abby thought so little of Clarke that she saw no point in even attempting to maintain a relationship with her – Lexa assumed – only daughter.

“My daughter is nothing but an un-achieving slut who should've had an abortion when she had the chance but instead hid her pregnancy until it was too late , there's no relationship to have.”

She felt her throat protest at the threat of more bile rising. The attempt to merge what she knew about Abby and what she knew about Clarke's mom making her head spin. Abby wasn't just a vile grandmother but also a vile mother. A mother who denied her child medication even though she was a doctor who fully understood the consequences. A mother who blamed her child for her husbands death. And, Lexa swallowed thickly as tears burnt behind her eyes, a mother who left her daughter in a car alone for two hours with her dead father.

And she thought of Clarke. Of the girl she was in love with. Of everything Clarke had been through. Of the girl who picked herself up every time she was hurting. Of the girl that took insult after insult from her mother. Of the girl that stood strong and kept fighting no matter what. Of the girl whose own mother thought she was incapable of raising her child.

She searched for the things both Abby and Marcus had said about Madison's mom. About a young girl being irresponsible and sleeping around, getting pregnant and having little to no interest in her child. A selfish girl that abandoned her daughter so that she could carry on with her wild, party girl lifestyle. The depiction was so beyond what Lexa knew of Clarke. Yes, Clarke was young. And yes, Clarke liked to party but everything Clarke did that could be considered wild or within the limits of a 'party girl lifestyle' was to feel better, to distract herself from the obvious inner turmoil she faced on daily bases. To take away the pain of being forced not to do what every instinct in her being was screaming at her to do. To mother her child.

The turmoil, Lexa realized, of not being with her child.

She wasn't sure how she made it home, her feet taking her there of their own accord. She felt like she was in a daze, floating through the motions of getting home. Her laptop forgotten and presumably still where she left it on a table in Grounder's Café. In the back of her mind she knew Clarke wasn't going to be home, she was having a sleepover at Octavia's house. But Raven would be. And a big part of Lexa thought that was good thing. She obviously needed to talk to Clarke, and soon. But she needed to get her head straight first. She needed to be comprehensive enough to be there for Clarke and that wouldn't happen if she was floating in this rapid swirl of thoughts.

Raven, who was sprawled out on the couch with a carton of ice cream, TV blaring, took one look at Lexa and stood up. Eyes widening and face falling. Lexa realized she must look like crap, like she'd seen a ghost. Like she was a ghost. She watched with swimming eyes as Raven hurried over to her, setting down her snack on the way and grasping Lexa's shoulders with a concerned look on her face.

“What's wrong?”

Lexa's eyes wandered her face, barely hearing the words that had been spoken. She searched for similarities but found none. Clarke and Raven didn't look alike. The only family resemblance she saw were Raven's brown eyes, a similar shade to Abby's but that was something neither Clarke nor Madison shared. Clarke must've gotten her eyes from her father and passed them down to Madison. She wondered what Madison's relationship with Raven was like before, she imagined them being friends. She imagined them teaming up against Clarke and making Clarke feel like she had two children instead of one.

“Lexa? You're freaking me out,” Raven's grip on her shoulders tightened, “What's going on?”

What's going on? The question was heavy in Lexa's mind. What was going on? The two people I love the most in this world are both miserable because they're being kept apart? Lexa wasn't sure what the right words would be in that moment, all that she knew was that her two worlds were colliding and making one giant mess that gave everyone involved heartbreak.

The next time her mind stopped it's vicious curve, she was sitting on one of the couches with Raven kneeling in front of her. A mug of something steaming in the hand that Raven wasn't placing on her thigh.

“Drink this,” Raven urged, “Chocolate helps with shock and you seem...I don't know, shocked.”

Rapidly blinking, Lexa pulled in a sharp breath. The world coming to around her and her vision becoming more focused. She shook her head, scrabbling into her pocket to find her phone. She wasn't sure how to explain this, not in words but what was it they said? One picture equals a thousand words? Sucking her lips into her mouth, she unlocked her phone, swiping through her gallery until she landed on a photo that would hopefully explain.

Flipping her phone around, she watched as Raven's eyes scanned the image. It was a photo of Madison in the park, the sun beaming down and lighting up the blue of her eyes and a light breeze tousling her already wild mane as the toddler laid down on her belly and squinted up at the camera, two thick lines of sunscreen on either cheek and a serious expression on her face.

Raven's gaze flicked up to Lexa for half a second, an unreadable expression on her face before they were once again searching the photo of Madison. Raven's expression fell into one of confusion as she spoke quietly, “I don't understand.”

“Madison,” Lexa said, not even recognizing her own voice as it came out in a raw pant.

Time stood still for a heavy second until Raven's expression flashed in recognition. The Latina's heavily loaded gaze finding Lexa's in understanding but there was one thing. One fact. That Lexa still wanted to be confirmed. She took another shaky breath, preparing herself to say such monumental words out loud. Chest constricting at the freshly revealed secret about to be deposited into the monumentally thick air.

“Clarke's daughter,” Her voice shook with the impact of her words.

She watched as Raven recoiled, her friend's expression as lost and as astonished as Lexa felt. And for a long moment, they both just stared. Their eye contact heavy and implicative. They postures mirroring their inner pandemonium. Both stunned. Both reeling from the new information.

“You...” Raven was the fist to speak, her tone breathy and as shaky as Lexa's own, “Your...”

Lexa nodded, understanding just how out of sorts Raven must feel if her own reaction was anything to go by. But she understood. Raven, just like herself, needed confirmation. Needed answers to how this was all possible. And Lexa, having had more time to process this than Raven, was able to collect herself enough to form some sort of coherent thought.

“My uncle is Marcus Kane,” Lexa explained, hoping that it would mean something to the Latina.

“Abby...” Raven sighed, pulling herself up from her kneeling position in front of Lexa only to sink down next to her on the couch, expression nothing but forlorn, “Abby's fiancé.”

Lexa nodded, wide eyed and dumbfounded.

“And you...all this time you've...” Raven's voice ebbed away, leaving them only with the silence that stretched.

Lexa nodded again, swallowing back her tears to give her friend something, anything that would lead them both to answers, “I've been looking after Clarke's baby...I....all this time.”

With a shaky breath, Raven leant forward. Rummaging through the draw that lay below the coffee table. Pulling out books and papers until she got to the very bottom and removed an envelope, wrinkled and clearly worn. What ever the content of this envelope, it was clear that it'd been thoroughly used. Raven's brown eyes fixed on Lexa once more, pausing and expression seemingly hesitant before she blinked once and heavily and handed the item into Lexa's quivering hands.

Her resolve was crumbling as she open the envelope, half of her already knowing what lay within. The other half screaming, wishing that all of this was untrue. That she'd made a mistake. That there was some kind of logical explanation that wasn't this. That didn't include Clarke not being with her baby. That didn't include Madison's mom being so close, yet out of reach.

The first photo was a scan. Black and white, blurry and yet holding an entire life. Lexa, with her untrained eye, couldn't decipher the image but she knew that it was Madison. Madison being grown. Madison nestled safely into the loving embrace of her mother's womb. What she could decipher was the name in the top left hand corner. The typed print bold and glaring at her from it's place.

Griffin, Clarke. 12 weeks.

The next was eye opening. Much more recent that the last. There was Clarke's pretty face, eyes dancing and grin bigger than she'd ever seen it. Clarke's expression showing none of the demons that Lexa was used to. No, this Clarke. This version of Clarke looked nothing but content and happy, her eyes free of the heaviness they usually bared and her expression of carefree joy making her look even more beautiful than Lexa thought possible. And there, in her arms, was Madison. Madison's hands locked behind her mother's neck as their faces pressed together. A dusting of pink paint splatter covering them both. Madison wasn't looking at the camera, like Clarke, Madison was staring at her mother. Face paused in a motion of laughter. Lexa's heart clenching at how perfectly Madison fitted into Clarke's embrace, where the toddler belonged.

The third photo was more artistic. Taken above as both girls laid in the grass with their heads together, the sun illuminating them and making their identical blue eyes sparkle. Both of them with wild flowers in their equally wind swept hair. Madison, this time, was looking straight up at the camera. An easy and happy smile on her face. The smile was little but it did nothing to damper just how happy Madison looked, her expression saying everything about the joy the little girl had in that moment. Clarke's head was tilted towards her daughter, her eyes fixed on the toddlers face and her expression one of such pride that Lexa felt the tears coming on strong. She could see it in Clarke's face, just how proud she was of her beautiful daughter.

Lexa gasped at the next image she was faced with. Clarke was in a hospital gown, hair piled on top of her head in a sweaty heap and usually pale skin, red on her cheeks. Clarke was clearly younger here, her face youthful and almost childish. Clarke looked exhausted but nothing could take away from the smile she was adorning. Looking at the camera with a euphoric gaze, her smile tired but beaming as her tongue peeked. Through the sweat, through the tiredness, Clarke looked nothing but radiant as she held up her new born baby. Proudly showing off the little bundle of wrinkles, red skin, and dark hair to the camera.

With a violent flip of her stomach, Lexa pushed the photos back into Raven's hands. She couldn't look at any more, “I can't.”

The images were beautiful. Giving Lexa an insight into what life was like for her two favorite people, for which Lexa felt privileged. But it hurt. It was painful to see just how happy the mother and daughter duo were in comparison to the tentative contentment they each strived for without the other. Raven nodded in understanding and Lexa's heart clenched again. She hadn't considered just how difficult this must be for Raven. How much she must long for Clarke to be reunited with her child. Because that was Clarke aim, wasn't it? Lexa remembered Raven's words, each one becoming more meaningful with the new context that she had been privy to.

“But I have to believe that she'll get what she's working towards. If she doesn't...it'll kill her.”

“She was fourteen...when her dad died,” Raven said lowly, pulling Lexa's attention from her spirally thoughts, “Just fourteen...and her mom disappeared.”

Lexa nodded, steeling her resolve for what was to come. She needed this. She needed to hear Raven's take on how Madison came to be. Clarke's would come later, she hoped. She wanted more than anything to understand this from Clarke's point of view. To shoulder some of the burden that Clarke carried.

“Abby was at the hospital all the time, she only came home a couple of times a week and Clarke,” Raven paused, her whole demeanor shifting, saddened at the memories swirling behind expressive, brown eyes, “She had no one.”

Lexa frowned, first of all at the knowledge of Abby being just so selfish. Of leaving her barely teenaged daughter to fend for herself after such a tragic loss. Her heart aching for Clarke. And secondly for the implications of Clarke being alone. Lexa had assumed that Raven and Clarke were always joint at the hip. Since she'd known the pair, you didn't get one without the other and thinking about that seemed a foreign concept in her overworked mind.

“But...you?”

“I was away,” Raven explained sadly, eyes downcast and full of regret, “I should've come back sooner but I had no idea...I was at M.I.T, in my first year when I called up Clarke and she was just...she was out of it, drunk or high...or God knows.”

She imagined Raven at M.I.T. She imagined the brunette in her element, probably being the most popular as well as the brainiest kid in class. And she imagined just how worried Raven would've been after having a phone call like that with her younger cousin. How desperate Raven must have felt being miles away from someone she clearly cared a lot about when they were struggling and in a bad way.

“So I hopped on a flight and came here. My baby cousin is only fourteen, you know?” Raven shrugged, taking a glance at Lexa with a gaze longing for understanding, “Like what the hell is she doing messed up like that when she should be playing with barbies.”

The thought made her lips quirk, but only for a second. Raven's specific brand of humor was one to often lighten situations but this one was too dark. This one couldn't be lightened. Still, they shared a subdued and somewhat sad smile at the attempt before each of their expressions fell into contemplative.

It was hard for Lexa to imagine a fourteen year old Clarke. Was she different before she lost her father? Probably. Lexa conjured up an image of an innocent and girly blonde, looking up to her cool, older cousin and blue eyes bright, excited to explore the mysteries held by the world. The Clarke she knew was older, wiser and more brazen. Knocked and beaten but clawing her way back to sanity. The Clarke she knew was no stranger to hardship. The Clarke she knew had been beaten down too many times to be excited for what lay ahead.

“I get there and Abby is no where to be seen, I can't reach her on her cell,” Raven paused, eyes fixing on the coffee table and swimming with memories. Lexa could tell they weren't good ones. A sigh left Raven as her whole body slumped, “Clarke hasn't eaten for a week and Clarke's...she's there but she's not...there.”

As Lexa observed her she noticed Raven's expression change, pinching in anguish. She looked pained as the next words left her mouth, her tone regretful and quiet.

“I get pretty mad. Clarke's drunk and not in school, you know? So I lose it and...she starts crying,” Raven's voice cracked on the last word. Pausing to lick her lips, her gaze met Lexa's once again and Lexa could see the remorse that laid within her friends eyes. Raven shook her head once, an air of disbelief coloring her, “Really crying. Saying she's ruined everything and that she would be better off dead.”

Lexa had to lean back at the impact of Raven's words. Clarke ever thinking that she would be better off dead, causing a physical response in Lexa. Her heart clenched painfully, her stomach churned uncomfortably and her eyes stung with unshed tears. She could picture it as clear as day, Clarke's eyes turning that light blue color. The color they turned only when Clarke was very upset. Clarke's eyebrows furrowed and bottom lip quivering as she told her cousin her darker thoughts. Lexa's fingernails dug into her clothed thighs, an attempt to turn the emotion pain into physical. She never wanted Clarke to feel that way and to think that there was a point that Clarke had, hurt her more than anything.

“It turns out that she went to this college party a couple of months before,” Raven explained, her words coming quicker and becoming less impactful to Lexa's ears, “One of her school friends had an older sister or something and Clarke tagged along.”

The pause was heavy and Lexa steeled herself.

“And she had sex with some guy, thinking it would make her feel better,” Raven said softly, “She thought she was supposed to, that it would make her feel normal.”

And that was the thing about Clarke. Lexa knew that Clarke used sex, alcohol, anything she could think of to self medicate. To take away her pain. Only now Lexa knew why. Now Lexa knew that Clarke's dark days were actually days that Clarke just missed her daughter the most. She remembered talking to Clarke, asking Clarke if it helped.

“For a while.”

“You have to remember that Clarke had barely even kissed anyone,” Raven's eyes flashed with worry, as if she was reliving the situation. Where Clarke was an innocent fourteen year old that'd just lost her virginity in a way that she would regret, “The kid was pretty late to the party back then, talking about sex would make her giggle and blush. She was innocent.”

Thinking of an innocent and blushing, fourteen year old Clarke made Lexa smile briefly. That smile fading as soon as she realized that that version of Clarke was stolen. That version of Clarke was eaten whole, chewed and spat out by the universe in a painful way. That version of Clarke was gone and would never be able to grow up at her own pace.

“It didn't make her feel normal, it made her feel worse and she...she wasn't sure if she used protection,” Raven paused, taking a moment of thought before she sighed and shrugged, “She...I guess she was pretty out of it but when I got her to take a test...”

Raven's words dwindled as her frown deepened and Lexa's chest restricted.

“Aren't you used to positive test results?” - “Fuck you!”

“Clarke was scared, terrified even but she wanted to keep the baby,” Raven said, eyes boring into hers, “And I supported her, you know? Maybe it was dumb...I don't know, she was so young but...I wasn't going to make that decision for her.”

Lexa's thoughts drifted straight to Abby, to Abby decidedly not supporting Clarke. To Abby definitely thinking that Clarke was too young. And to Abby eventually taking that decision away from Clarke altogether.

Lexa remembered being fourteen. Lexa remembered being a complete bone head, self focused and only caring about how many girls she could get to make out with her behind the bleachers. She'd been a popular teenager, she'd grown into her looks rather quickly when others hadn't been so lucky. So with a fairly athletic build, high cheekbones and an enviable jaw line as well as her sharp, green eyes...Lexa could pretty much take her pick. She didn't care about anything except girls, partying and her friends. Constantly getting grounded for messing around in school and in no way responsible enough to take care of a gold fish, let alone a baby.

She briefly wondered if Clarke had been anything like her, if Clarke was too young to look after a baby but that thought vanished as soon as she saw the envelope containing the photos out of the corner of her eye. Those photos didn't say immature, those photos didn't say too young to do a good job at mothering. Those photos showed nothing but a happy, albeit small family. A loving mother, however young and a perfectly happy and well taken care of toddler. Maybe Clarke was 'too young' but that did not stop Clarke Griffin.

“I stuck around for a couple of weeks to help Clarke with her doctors appointments and to get Clarke into a decent routine before I headed back to finish up my semester. But we had a plan,” Raven explained, “Once Clarke started to show she was going to drop out of school to take the courses online and meanwhile I'd find an apartment near M.I.T that we could rent if Abby hadn't sorted out her shit by then.”

“Don't act like you're better than me, Clarke. Everyone knows just how much of a slut you are! Or are you forgetting why you had to drop out of school?”

Lexa blinked rapidly to rid herself of any thoughts of Finn Collins. She nodded for Raven to continue, doing her best not to let her mind wander further into just how many people shamed Clarke for getting pregnant.

“Abby didn't sort out her shit but by the time my semester finished Clarke had already dropped out and she'd made some friends, women who were having babies at the same time she would be. She wanted to stay put and see how things went,” Raven's expression shifted back towards regret, “I should've just moved back then but I...I thought things would be okay, I was stupid, I-”

“Raven,” Lexa interrupted softly, placing a comforting hand on Raven's arm. And although Lexa would never know how difficult Raven's choices were to live with for the brunette, she did know a thing or two about regrets and they weren't something worth holding onto, “You did what you thought was right at the time.”

“Clarke told me that Abby was helping her,” Raven shook her head sadly, “I didn't know that Clarke lied about that until she had the baby.”

Lexa's eyes widened as tears started to spill down her friends cheeks. She'd never known Raven to cry before but now there was nothing stopping them. She scooted closer, holding onto Raven for support. Raven's voice coming out raw and broken when she spoke.

“Clarke was trying to do it all on her own, she...she didn't want to be a burden but she-” Raven's voice caught in her throat, “She called me from the hospital because they wouldn't let her take her baby home without an adult. Her mom...Abby was working...in the same fucking hospital and wouldn't go down to the maternity unit. Clarke had to wait six fucking hours for me to fly to her because her mom wouldn't...six hours, Lex. Clarke didn't know if they'd let her take her baby home for six hours.”

Lexa's heart broke along with Raven's. Clarke truly was resilient. She held her friend closer, rocking her and letting her own tears overflow. Both of them needing the comradery in that moment. Both of them needing one another to shoulder one another's pain. And with each passing minute of silence, Lexa understood that the rest of the story was Clarke's to tell.

Lexa could only hope that Clarke would be willing to tell it.

Chapter Text

32. Now?

She woke up feeling like she'd been hit by a bus. Perhaps she was overstating it but she truly had never felt so emotionally drained in her entire life. Her muscles hurt from constantly tensing them. Her stomach hurt from violently throwing up and then being neglected from it's usual soothing of tums followed by a glass of milk. Her eyes stung from releasing more tears than she thought possible. And her head hurt from being thoroughly overworked and in a state of spinning for so long.

Blinking open her eyes, regretting it the second she did for the daylight making her headache set in at a gnarly nag behind her eyes, the first thing she noticed was that she was no long alone. Last night, after staying up until late with Raven, Lexa had gone to bed alone. Only falling asleep once the heaviness of her eyelids outweighed the swirling thoughts of her mind. Clarke, who was supposed to be at Octavia's sleepover, was there next to her. Sleeping peacefully on the side of the bed that she'd claimed long ago as her own along with Lexa's heart.

She wondered why Clarke wasn't sleeping at Octavia's. Was it true? Could Clarke really not sleep without her? The thought made her smile briefly. The fact that Clarke had come home at some point in the early hours of the morning and chosen to slip into bed with her, making a pleasant feeling settle in her chest. She wondered if Clarke felt like she belonged with Lexa as much as Lexa felt like she belonged with Clarke. Clarke's encounter with Niylah, more specifically Clarke telling Niylah that Lexa was her girlfriend sat with her heavily. Her heart aching for the truth in it. She hoped they were, she hoped that they were together but they'd never talked about it. They didn't have to, she supposed. Their relationship had never been straight forward. They just simply were. No words, no labels necessary. But if they were going for labels then Lexa definitely liked this one.

Lexa studied her sleeping face. Features even and peaceful in her slumber. All of the evidence that there was a familial connection between her and Madison was there and Lexa couldn't help but take in every little detail of Clarke's face that'd been passed down to Clarke's daughter. Eyelashes long and fanning over slightly chubby cheeks. The roundness of Clarke's face. The identical jawline. The cute and slightly upturned nose. Even their eyebrows were similar. Although different shades the skin between them was smooth, something that didn't happen when the mother or daughter was awake. Both of them usually carrying a slight crease. Out of worry or heartache, Lexa wasn't sure.

Her whole being ached to wake Clarke up and tell her everything. To get up out of bed and just bring Madison here so that they could be together again. The words were ready, stuck in her throat and threatening to spill out but she couldn't. Her gut ached that she couldn't but she'd agreed with Raven that they would sit down with Clarke tonight. To explain everything. To shatter Clarke's fragile world before building it back together piece by piece.

“Clarke's not going to like this.”

Lexa looked up, getting pulled from her deep thought to face her friend. With the deep layer of fog slowing down her mind, Lexa could hardly comprehend her friend's warning. The words hardly registering in her brain until Raven, having noticed Lexa's confusion, spoke again.

“Think about it. Clarke's been begging to get five minutes with Madi ever since she got kicked out but you spend every day with her. Can you imagine how hard that's going to be to hear? 'Sorry, Clarke. Your mom doesn't think you're good enough to even visit your baby but I actually spend every evening and weekend with her'.”

Lexa pondered it for a moment. Recalling every time she'd overheard Clarke on the phone, arguing with her mother and coming to her own realization the every single one of those conversations probably started with Clarke asking to see her child.

“The answer is no, Clarke.”

Abby's voice echoed in her mind, harsh and uncaring of Clarke's cries. Making a fresh wave of tears threaten to fall behind Lexa's eyes. Yes, it would probably hurt Clarke when she realized that Lexa spent time with Madison every day. That Lexa had such a close relationship with the toddler when she, herself, wasn't even allowed to visit. But in the long run wasn't it a good thing? Madison's bond was with Lexa, not Abby so surely that would make it easier when Clarke got Madison back. One thought stuck her, with how close she was to the situation, she could definitely be an aid in Clarke gaining custody.

“Yes she is,” Lexa sat taller, a determined expression coming to her face as she pulled in a breath, “Because I'm going to make sure she gets her baby back.”

They'd agreed to wait until tonight. To wait until Clarke had finished school for the day. To give both of them time to get into a better mindset but not too long. Clarke would never forgive them if they kept this information to themselves, that Lexa was sure of. She still couldn't believe it herself as the photos Raven had shared with her the previous night played on a loop through her reeling mind.

She never thought that she would be lucky enough to see her two favorite people together. She'd definitely dreamed of it but never thought that dream would come true. So seeing those photos, although shocking, made her heart swell in her chest and thumb in her ears more than ever. A smile breaking out on her face at just how natural Madison fit into Clarke's embrace. It was clear that that's where Madison was meant to be, in her mother's arms. And Clarke looked so at home with her daughter, making Lexa imagine just how good of a mother Clarke probably was.

It was the thought of identically blue eyes fluttering open that had Lexa pulling herself from bed and into the shower. She wasn't sure that she could face those eyes, not when she was so sure she would tell Clarke everything the moment she looked into them. She imagined Clarke waking up in her arms, a lazy smile spreading over her face and a naughty quip coming from between pouty lips. She imagined her mouth, moving without permission from her brain and causing that smile to fall flat, for those expressive, blue eyes to dull and convey the ache in Clarke's chest.

Making her way into the kitchen once she was showered and dressed, she decided that making herself get up before Clarke had woken was the right thing to do. Especially as she was met by Clarke's wide grin and Raven's reluctant smirk the moment she entered the room.

“Morning, Lex,” Raven said, sending her a pointed look before nodding her head towards Clarke, who was sitting on one of the counters, legs swinging, “Clarkey Clarke was boasting about being a movie star, I don't think she gets that porn hardly counts.”

Clarke's face twisted in disgust but her mood never wavered as her grin came back a second later, “I was not boasting.”

“You said you looked good on film,” Raven protested, Raven's long absent but fondly remembered spatula making an appearance and pointing rudely in the direction of Clarke's face.

“I said I looked good in the video we had to make for media class,” Clarke responded, eyes rolling, “Shut up about Wick's stupid tape. Pretend it didn't happen and it'll go away, okay?”

Raven's eyes flashed for a second, “It's like you want to jinx it.”

Lexa stood dumbfounded and thoroughly impressed. She was astounded by Raven's ability to act completely normal. She wouldn't even believe that Raven remembered the conversation they'd shared if it weren't from the reluctance in her gaze. She wondered if Raven's ability was gained through the years of having to be chipper and faking enthusiasm when in reality she was desperately worried about Clarke. It was a sad reality but it came in handy at times like this.

In the next moment as horn beeped outside, presumably from Octavia's car, kick staring Clarke into grabbing an apple from the fruit ball and circling Lexa on her way out, planting a quick kiss to the corner of Lexa's mouth while Lexa could only continue to stare after her. Just as dumbfounded as she'd been all morning, since yesterday really.

“That's O, later ladies.”

Lexa was still frozen as the front door slammed shut, right up until Raven's spatula was waving in front of her face and nearly knocking her in the mouth.

“You suck,” Raven's voice floated through her blank mind, “You know that?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Lexa felt nauseous. Or was it nauseated? She wasn't sure, she could never remember the difference. For the nth time since she quit, she thought that probably it was a good thing that she wasn't going to be and English teacher for very much longer.

She thought about her new book in an attempt to keep her mind at ease. What stared off as a hint of an idea had turned so much greater. The first three books she wrote were all following the same person. Titus kom Trikru. The first – 'Fleimkepa' - being about his childhood, a young boy growing up in a post apocalyptic world full of violence and rules that were hard for the young trouble maker to follow. People fell in love with Titus and his affinity for getting into mischief. He was the youngest of eleven brothers and sisters. His mother a clothes maker and his father a warrior. Titus aspired to be a warrior too but at the age of twelve his people called for him to become a Fleimkepa – a sacred being who travelled between the villages to find children gifted enough to train in hopes of becoming the next Commander and a being who mentored and sheltered the Commanders to come. The book followed as young Titus trained to be a Fleimkepa along with watching him grow into a young man.

The second book in the trilogy – 'Quest for Command' – followed Titus as a young adult on his quest to find the next Commander. A journey filled with difficulty, tragedy and lessons. Eventually finding his next prodigy in young, naïve Alexis kom Trikru. And although it took many, much needed lessons from Titus, young Alexis showed great promise to be a leader like no other before her. A peaceful, fair and empathetic leader that their world was desperate for. Someone ruthless, yes but someone who also held compassion. The only problem was that Titus' love interest, Nia – Queen of the Ice Nation – was against Alexis from the start, threatening her life as well as their tentative relationship.

The third book – 'Jus Drein Jus Daun' – followed the first year of Commander Alexis' first reign as Titus guided her. Alexis forming a coalition amongst all of the nations and becoming the leader that Titus saw in her from the start. The third book was always a fan favorite no matter who Lexa spoke to and their love of Commander Alexis had been a big influence on what she was writing now.

Her new idea was based in the same world with the same characters. Titus now being middle aged while Alexis was no longer a scrawny teenager but a young woman. Only now there was a new threat to the coalition in the form of one hundred delinquents falling to earth from a space station and causing havoc to an already fragile demographic. The delinquents being led by the one and only Cassie Skye. Daughter of the space station's Chancellor, head strong, obnoxious and with bravado to match even Alexis' most cocky warriors and – much to the excitement of her readers...probably – Alexis' love interest.

Yeah, she was excited to write again and maybe she had more than a little bit of inspiration from a certain blonde in her life.

She tapped her fingers against her thighs, thinking about her books had helped but not enough for the raging storm inside her to change trajectory. She could only hope that the storm would fade once Clarke knew the truth. It was stupid really, to be this at odds just because she was keeping something from Clarke. Lexa had no idea that Clarke even had a child, let alone that her child was none other than Madison, before yesterday and she was going to tell Clarke everything tonight. Technically there was nothing wrong with this. But the gnawing guilt she felt inside said otherwise.

More than anything, more than the delay on explaining things to Clarke or the overwhelming heartbreak she had for the whole situation, what she hated most was that if she'd known sooner then Clarke would've been able to see Madison and vice versa. They would've worked out a way. She would've made that happen. But she didn't because she didn't know. Because she couldn't put together the clues that were staring her straight in the face.

She worried that Clarke would be upset. She wasn't sure how the blonde would react but she doubted that it would be positive. How could Clarke be? After missing someone so much when Lexa had the opportunity to see the toddler every day. It hurt her, thinking that it should be Clarke. It should be Clarke picking her up from daycare and it should be Clarke making sure that Madison was eating her veggies. Or eating at all for that matter.

Her fingernails dug into the fabric covering her thighs, the teacher's lounge seemingly becoming smaller with each breath. Lexa didn't know how she was going to get through today. All she had to do was teach a few classes, have lunch, teach a few more but it was all leading up to one thing. Talking to Clarke. And that was something that she both wanted to do right away and put off for another week.

“You can do this, Lexa.”

The voice startled her before it's washed over her, soothing her. She could always count on Raven Reyes. No matter what her time of need was about. She gazed up at her friend, wondering if her face was as pale as she felt. Blinking rapidly to clear her mind of anything but her friend kneeling down in front of her, resting her hands on Lexa's semi parted thighs.

“I know this is hard, I knew you wear your heart on your sleeve, I know you find it hard to hide your emotions,” Raven said softly, her tone calm and her eye contact empathetic, “But you just have to get through today. Don't even think of it as a day, you've just got to teach a couple of classes and then you meet me back here, alright?”

Lexa nodded dumbly, her insides feeling numb, “Yeah, I can do that.”

Raven's eyebrows furrowed, clearly not convinced by Lexa's shakily spoken words, “You can. You're doing the right thing, we're waiting so that Clarke doesn't miss school today. That's it. Then we're going to tell her together.”

Every muscle in Lexa's body became taught with anticipation, her breath caught in her lungs as she nodded. She could do it. She could act normal. She could...no, she couldn't. Her shoulders slumped. She was never good at separating her professional life from her personal life. Example: Clarke. She was a writer, she was supposed to use her emotions.

“Alright, nicey-nicey ain't gonna cut it,” Raven sighed, the next moment grabbing Lexa's shoulders and giving her a harsh shake, “Get a fucking grip you big softy! Pull yourself together, kick some ass and then we talk to Clarke. Capiche?”

Lexa's eyes widened momentarily before a laugh overtook her. It was exactly what she needed to break herself out of her spiraling thoughts and judging by the grin on her friend's face, Raven knew it too. She nodded her head, laughter making her eyes water, “Capiche.”

“Good girl,” Raven said, giving her a wink before grabbing Lexa's hands and pulling her up from the couch. Raven spinning Lexa towards the door and giving her a little shove forwards, “Go get 'em, tiger.”

- - - - - - - - - -

The day moved at the pace of a snail. And not even a surprisingly fast one. No, just your run of the mill snail. Lexa wondered if there was anywhere in the world where they raced snails. Surely so. Snail racing would be much better than the usual horse racing. For one, Lexa found horse racing to be cruel. They raced the horses when they were just babies, not even fully grown yet. They used riding crops, which stung like a bitch – she knew this because Anya had gotten hold of one at camp once and proceeded to hit Lexa with it until she cried. They put bits in the horses mouths, hard metal bars that were tugged on. And the crowds that cheered for the horses just seemed scary. Imagine being young and unknowing of the world, a metal bar shoved in your mouth, hit with a stick to run fast and then running past a crowd of screaming people? Just no. Lexa hated the thought.

Snail racing, however, wouldn't be like that. First of all, people wouldn't ride them so it didn't matter their age. Secondly, they wouldn't have to wear anything uncomfortable because one could simply paint a number on the side of there shell. Thirdly, Lexa thought it would be a much more subdued event and definitely void of a screaming crowd because snail racing would be a much more serious matter. She imagined a group of people gathered around a wooden box and peering into it with worn expressions, each of them hoping that today would be their lucky day and their favorite snail would cross the finish line first.

She shook her head, she was supposed to be returning an email to one of the parents. Not thinking about grand enterprise snail racing tournaments. The day was slow, creeping by her with every leisurely second but so far she had gotten through it.

Her class with Clarke had been the most difficult. Clarke was in an incredibly good mood, which made her smile, but she also knew that she would probably be putting a damper on it. Still, at least with Clarke preoccupied by laughing with Octavia and using a sharpie to practice her artistic, tattoo giving skills on Lincoln's bicep, she was too busy to notice Lexa's staring. It'd made her thoughts go straight to Madison, of Clarke drawing Madison. Lexa had seen Clarke's talent and even though the sketch she saw in particular was naughty it was also good. And Lexa could only hope that one day she'd be able to see some of the sketches of Madison that Clarke must have tucked away.

Her Clarke free classes had been better, she was able to focus on the syllabus with little distraction. Still, she was glad it was lunchtime so that she could find Raven and have another pep talk. With her nerves, she was due one. She needed Raven to help her with her ability to not be walking around in an absolute daze all day. She pressed send on her email at the same moment as there was a knock on her classroom door. Assuming it was Raven, Lexa didn't turn away from her computer, instead opting to call out.

“Come in.”

There was a brief pause before a noise caused her to whip her head around so fast that she was lucky not to give herself whiplash. Her eyes connecting with a very flustered looking Miss Monroe with an ecstatic looking toddler on one hip and a diaper bag slung over her shoulder. The woman, principle Wilson's assistant, looking absolutely comical in her pencil skirt and clearly uncomfortable with a child in her arms. Lexa would've laughed if Madison didn't take the opportunity upon seeing Lexa to attempt to throw herself out of the woman's arms, almost falling as she did so, if it weren't for Lexa's quick reflexes as she scooped the toddler up.

“Lessa!”

Lexa's heart melted as her eyes ran over the little girl's tongue in teeth smile, feeling herself light up like Christmas, an automatic reaction to Madison's presence.

“Um, Wilson asked me to give you...” Miss Munroe observed the toddler, hands gesturing wildly, “That and he asked that either you find someone to take her home or continue your classes with her.”

Lexa's eyebrows ticked at Madison being referred to as 'that', her amusement growing before a frown took over her face. She was supposed to teach the rest of her classes with Madison on her hip? The rest of her classes that, one of which, contained Clarke? She stood, her heart beating out of her chest as Madison fiddled with the collar of her shirt, blue eyes concentrating on her task.

“Oh,” Miss Munroe paused, pulling the diaper bag from her shoulder and setting it on the ground before handing Lexa a piece of paper, “I almost forgot.”

Lexa,

I'm sorry about this, Abby's mother has fallen ill and we have much to sort out today before we leave tomorrow to attend to her. We will be back tonight, I'll text you when you can drop her off – hopefully you'll have your phone by then. We can talk about you having Madison for the week when you come by. But until then...think of this as practice for the adoption! Thanks.

Uncle Marc

Well shit.

She eyed Madison until bright, blue eyes met hers and a lopsided smile came to the toddlers face, “You're in grown up clothes.”

Lexa couldn't help but to smile, she glanced down at her outfit and realized that yes, she was indeed in grown up clothes. She needed to call Raven. Adjusting Madison more comfortably on her hip, Lexa sup around to dig through her purse, searching for her phone and pulling it out. She briefly scolded herself after seeing the six missed calls and three text messages that she'd missed because of her phone being on silent.

“The one time I try to be professional and put my phone away,” She muttered to herself, hitting the call button when she found Raven's number and pressing the phone to her ear, “Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

“Yellow?”

A little part of Lexa felt relief at just her friend's voice, she let out a sigh, “I need you to come to my classroom.”

“I know you're into me but for the last time, we can't have sex in your classroom. I'm with Anya, you're with-”

“Raven!” Lexa cut her off exasperatedly, “I love you, Raven but please just...”

“Alright, keep your hair on. I'm on my way.”

Lexa nodded enthusiastically even though Raven couldn't see her. She dropped her phone onto her desk, turning her head to see Madison watching her, expression curious.

“Did you eat yet?” Lexa frowned, eyes tracing every line and curve of the little girls face and seeing nothing but Clarke.

Madison's eyes searched her face for a heavy second before she shook her head no, her nose scrunching up and letting Lexa know just how preposterous that idea was to the toddler. Lexa nodded, another sigh leaving her mouth.

“I have arrived- holy fuck.”

Lexa turned to see Raven in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth open in shock.

“Holy fuck,” Raven continued, eyes glued to Madison as the toddler started to wiggle in Lexa's arms.

“Auntie Rae!”

The high pitched squeal hurt Lexa's ear and made her wince but the happiness on the little girl's face made it worth it. Madison was clearly excited to see Raven, her very own 'auntie Rae'.

“Munchkin!” Raven's expression morphed into a grin, arms stretched out to take Madison and hugging the little brunette once the toddler was situated in her arms.

Lexa watched as Madison clung around Raven's neck, clearly beyond familiar with her aunt and it both warmed Lexa's heart and made her turn to ice at the same time. Madison could've had this all along. It wasn't just her mom that she'd been separated from but also from her, clearly beloved, auntie Raven.

Raven's eyes fixed on Lexa over Madison's shoulder, expression full of worry but Lexa could see the joy in the deep, chocolate orbs too. Yes, Raven was beyond worried about this new situation and how it was going to unfold but she was also extremely happy to be seeing Madison again. And it took Lexa a moment for that to sink in. She hadn't thought of how much Raven might be missing the toddler, only Clarke. But now it was clear to her. Raven had also been a big part in Madison's life.

“What's going on?” Raven mouthed, cheek pressed against Madison's hair.

“Marcus dropped her off, apparently Abby's mom is sick,” Lexa said softly, brain only catching up with her once Raven's face fell. Abby's mom being Clarke and Raven's grandmother, a fact that hadn't occurred to Lexa until now, “Wilson wants me to either find someone to take her home or teach the rest of my lessons with her here.”

Raven's mouth formed a small O, her eyes drifting over every inch of Madison as the toddler pulled away from her, grabbing at Lexa until she was back on Lexa's hip. Her hand buried in Lexa's hair as her expressive eyes searched Raven's face intently.

“What the hell are we going to do?” Raven asked, gaze not moving an inch from the toddler.

Lexa blew out a breath, “I was hoping that you'd tell me.”

“Rae?” Madison's voice washed over them both, pulling both of the adults from their staring. Madison cocked her head to the side, expression guarded but a tentative spark in her blue eyes, “Where's my mommy?”

Raven, frozen in shock, stared for a pregnant moment before pulling her eyes from the toddler and settling them on Lexa. Her eye contact fierce and her expression hard.

“We have to tell her.”

Lexa recoiled at the firmness in Raven's tone. Her heart dropping into her feet. She glanced at the little girl on her hip, hoisting her up a little to soak in the closeness. Using that closeness to ground herself a little bit.

“Now?” Lexa asked in disbelief.

Raven's gaze swept over Madison one more time before her jaw set and she nodded, “Now.”

Chapter Text

33. Madi Griffin

Waiting wasn't a bad thing. Waiting was something Lexa was good at. Lexa was a patient person and there had been many times in her life that she had to wait for something to happen. Waiting up on countless nights for her birth mother to return from God knows where. Waiting for the ambulance to come and help her birth mother after an overdose that she couldn't return from. Waiting in foster care for a family that might never come. Waiting up all night when the next day meant Indra signing her adoption papers, she'd gotten into trouble for not going to bed but it'd been worth it. Waiting for the reviews to come in on each of her books.

But this, waiting for Clarke to reach her classroom after Raven had sent her a text message, was the worst wait of all.

All Lexa could do was ignore the dulled ache in her chest and the rising bile in her throat as the seconds dragged by in what seemed like slow motion. Raven, fairing no better, sat on Lexa's desk, eyes shooting to the door every other second and leg bouncing uncontrollably. Madison was the only one that was calm. Her head lazily resting on Lexa's shoulder, her bare toes attempting to tuck themselves into the waist band of Lexa's pants and her little fingers tracing patterns into the skin on Lexa's neck.

When they heard footsteps approaching, their eyes met. Raven and Lexa holding intense eye contact that was filled with as much adrenaline as worry. Both of them clearly apprehensive. Lexa was sure her heart was beating loud enough to be heard throughout the entire room. Lexa held her breath, steeling herself for what was about to come. This was it. The moment that Clarke would be reunited with her daughter, the moment that Madison would be reunited with her mother. And Lexa was hardly ready. If anything she was scared but it wasn't about her, it was about the mother and daughter duo that needed each other.

The sight of Clarke in the doorway caused time to stand still for a second, Lexa and Raven's gaze fixing on the blonde straight away and Madison picking her head up from Lexa's shoulder. Her own little frame seeming to pause at the sight before her. Because there was Clarke, looking as beautiful as ever. Expression relaxed as she looked down at the phone in her hand, walking through the doorway casually.

It was neither Lexa nor Raven to break Clarke's focus but Madison. One word falling from the toddler's mouth and making all of this all the more real. One word spoken in disbelief and wonder, spoken quietly as though if it was spoken loudly, it wouldn't come true.

“Mommy?”

Clarke's head shot up immediately, blonde hair whipping around her face and freezing in her tracks before her phone fell to the floor with a thud. But Clarke didn't register it, Clarke only had eyes for the little human being that was situated on Lexa's hip.

Lexa watched the emotion flooded the blonde's gaze. Shock was first but it disappeared quickly to make room for utter disbelief, Clarke's eyes swimming in a matter of seconds. Her mouth opening in a gasp only for it to be covered by cupped hands a moment later. And with her whole body visibly shaking, Clarke staggered forwards a few steps before scooping Madison into her arms. The toddler fitting perfectly as she pressed herself further into the familiar softness of her mother's chest.

Just how monumental this moment was had Clarke sinking to the floor, face buried in wild, brunette locks and hugging Madison to her for all that she was worth. Her knees in the air to further the embrace until Madison's back was squished against her thighs. Clarke's breaths were deep, panted and fast, breathing in the toddler as well as an attempt to stop herself from sobbing. Madison though, had no such reservations as she sobbed. Her fists painfully pulling at Clarke's blonde hair and pressing herself impossibly close to her mother with every passing second.

Clarke's eyes, once peeking out from behind the wild mane of chestnut, bore into Lexa's. Red rimmed and spilling fat, hot tears. Clarke's mouth opened and closed a few times with no sound coming out, instead gulping or shaking her head.

Finally a hoarse and chocked whisper forced itself out, “How?”

Lexa swallowed back her own emotions, keeping her eye contact with Clarke steady despite wanting to disappear. Part of her felt like her presence was an intrusion. That she didn't belong here, in such an intimate, family moment. But Clarke's gaze kept her in place as the blonde fixated on her like an anchor. Like Clarke would crumble into pieces if she didn't have Lexa to hold onto in that moment. Lexa would stay put for Clarke. Forever if she needed to.

Lexa opened her mouth, clearing her throat after a watery noise came out and steeling her resolve even further, “Madison is-”

“Madi,” Clarke cut her off, expression darkening as her words spilled out of her mouth in a venomous spew, “Not Madison. I would know, I did fill out her birth certificate.”

Lexa paused, her heart going out to the girl on the floor. The girl, woman, whose expression softened. The woman whose eyes held nothing but apology and remorse for her outburst. Lexa understood. Her lips ticked up at the corners in acceptance of the unsaid apology and she shuffled forward a step to show her support.

“Madi,” Lexa licked her lips, eyes fluttering as the correction settled in her mind, “Is who I've been looking after.”

Clarke's expression morphed into shock for a split second before it fell. Pressing her lips together, Clarke nodded sadly, her hurt clouded eyes tearing away from Lexa and her face turning back towards the crying infant in her arms.

- - - - - - - - - -

Raven had gotten Octavia to drive Clarke and Madison, Madi, home in Lexa's car. For one, Lexa had a car seat for Madi already installed. And also, after a unanimous vote, it was decided that Clarke probably shouldn't be operating heavy machinery for the time being. Octavia – who turned out to be 'Auntie O' – was more than shocked when she'd arrived in the classroom and began shrieking and squealing at a much too loud octave until Raven had kindly shut her up by slapping her in the back of the head.

Madi had stopped crying, instead just resting tightly against her mother's chest and listening to her heart beat. Her little face peering out and sending tentative looks towards people as she hummed very quietly to herself. Her toes and fingers curled into her mother's clothes with a death grip that she didn't look like she was willing to give up anytime soon.

If she was being honest, Lexa was glad to have a moment to herself after everyone had left her classroom. She needed to gather herself. She needed a moment alone to pull herself together and cast out her own emotions so that she could focus solely on Clarke and Madi. Seeing Clarke and Madi together was a shock to Lexa's system. But seeing them together was like seeing two puzzle pieces fit perfectly. It was only after seeing them together that Lexa realized that the nagging feeling she got in the back of her mind was because they were each missing something. Missing a part of themselves. Missing a part of themselves that laid within the other.

The car ride home was silent. She was thankful that she didn't have to walk. When Octavia dropped her keys off she'd worried about Clarke being alone but Octavia had told her simply that Clarke needed some space and Lexa understood. Clarke needed some time alone with her daughter.

Raven didn't talk much, only quietly telling Lexa that Anya was coming by later. Lexa wondered whether Raven needed Anya's support. Probably. Lexa was sure that she herself was going to need some support to get through this and Raven had much more reason than she did to be falling apart. Both of them were stuck in their own heads as they pulled up at home. Lexa couldn't even remember the drive but neither of them moved. After a heavy moment of both of them simultaneously trying to get up and walk into the house, Lexa felt Raven's hand covering her own. She turned her hand immediately, lacing their fingers together and giving Raven a squeeze. With a shared smile and a deep breath, they exited the car.

Walking into the house and spotting Clarke and Madi, a realization hit Lexa like a ton of bricks. Clarke was sitting in front of the coffee table, legs stretched under it as Madi sat on her lap, straddling her thighs and focusing her attention on the paper in front of them. Clarke's head was bent down as she spoke quietly into the toddler's ear. A pen in her hand and a red felt tip in Madi's. Lexa could tell that Madi was concentrating hard, her lips pursed and gaze narrowed in on the paper as Clarke drew the outline of something. Left handed, Lexa noted, another thing the mother and daughter shared. What hit her was the way Clarke was with Madi. This was why Madi like it quiet, because of the calm way that Clarke mothered.

A moment later, with Raven upstairs, and Lexa had been noticed as two, identically blue sets of eyes fixed on her. The mother wearing a soft smile, even if her eyelashes were wet, no doubt from crying. The daughter's expression lightening into a smile when she noticed Lexa, free hand reaching out to her. Lexa's eyes connected with Clarke's, silently asking if she could join them and Clarke nodded gently, tilting her head to the space next to her.

Sitting down, Lexa again felt like she was intruding on a personal moment for the pair. But that feeling disappeared as soon as she was met by a soft smile and an orange felt tip pen being shoved into her face from Clarke and Madi respectively. She let her shoulder come into contact with Clarke's, a silent comfort that she hoped would ground Clarke as much as it would ground her. She watched as Madi turned to them both with a toothy smile. A smile that held no reservations, a smile that Lexa hadn't seen before on the little girl.

“What are we doing, little one?” Lexa asked, smoothing her hand over Madi's curls. The movement being tracked by Clarke's curious gaze.

A frown made it's way to Madi's face, her lips pouting in the thoughtful way they always did when she was faced with a conundrum. Eventually she nodded to herself and pointed to the outline of a flower that was presumably drawn by Clarke, finger grazing the paper until it stopped on one of the leaves, “This one orange.”

“You got it,” Lexa said, not missing the way Madi's eyes squinted at her in suspicion. Lexa paused sending the toddler a look in hopes of assuring her that she did indeed 'have it' and that she could be trusted to carry out her assigned task to the best of her ability, “That leaf orange, I promise.”

With one more appraising sweep of the toddler's wary eyes, Madi nodded, still unsure of Lexa's ability but willing to let her try without supervision for the time being and Lexa let out a sigh of relief, leaning forward to dutifully color within the lines of her allocated leaf but caught Clarke's amused expression on her way to her target.

“What?”

Clarke shrugged, gaze falling to Madi along with a hand stroking down the toddler's back before tilting her face towards Lexa's once again, voice low but shining with fondness, “You're good with her.”

It felt like an acceptance more than a compliment. It felt like Clarke was accepting the fact that Lexa had been looking after her child. It felt like Clarke was quietly approving of her child rearing skills and Lexa couldn't be happier. A warmth spread in her chest at the notion. She would give anything for Clarke to think that she was worthy of Madi and it felt like that's what Clarke was saying. That Clarke was okay with her being around Madi, that Clarke thought she was doing good.

Lexa smiled, pulling her eyes up from where they'd settled on Clarke's lips to meet an eyebrow cocked in amusement. Now definitely wasn't the time to kiss Clarke but that didn't mean that she couldn't be close to her so she shuffled forwards, wrapping her free arm around Clarke's slim waist and encouraging the blonde to lean on her with a gentle tug. Clarke, rolling her eyes, did so. Resting her head on Lexa's shoulder and turning her face to rub her cheek against the material of Lexa's shirt. Her eyes fluttering shut for a brief but heavy moment. And Lexa understood. This was a lot for Clarke but they had a silent agreement not to talk about it in front of Madi. Talking could wait, for now Clarke just wanted to spend some time with her daughter and, perhaps, also with Lexa's support.

“Mommy?” Madi said quietly, focused solely on her own coloring.

It floored Lexa. Hearing someone calling Clarke 'mommy'. Seemingly both unbelievable and unbelievably right at the same time. Clarke was a mom. Clarke was not only a mom but Madi's mom. She wondered if Clarke was just as shaken hearing the word as she was, just as impressed. She turned her face towards Clarke's hairline, pressing a brief kiss there to show her new found appreciation for the person leaning against her. The person that was responsible for producing Madi. The person that she'd given her heart to.

Clarke didn't sit up from her place on Lexa's shoulder but she did turn her full attention to her daughter, “Yes, baby?”

“I love Lessa.”

The statement from the toddler sent a whole new feeling of euphoria through Lexa's body, her face breaking out into a grin as her breath caught in her throat. Her love for the toddler growing even more than she thought possible. She understood what Madi was trying to express. Madi knew that Clarke hadn't seen their interactions, therefore Madi thought that Clarke wouldn't know that they meant a lot to each other. And, for Madi, this explained all that she wanted to explain.

Clarke's head tilted up, her blue eyes shimmering as she made eye contact with Lexa. Her fingers, previously drawing patterns on the toddler's neck, coming up to trace the line of Lexa's cheek bone, “I know, baby. Me too.”

Time froze for Lexa. Not understanding how she could be quite this lucky. She'd heard those three little words spoken from Clarke before but not when the blonde had meant them. It seemed like she meant them now. Not in the same way that she loved Clarke, not in the same way that she'd expressed it before. But in an 'I love you for letting my child love you' kind of way that felt almost better than they would've in any other context. Lexa let her smile grow even wider, eyes searching Clarke's face and begging to kiss her. When Clarke's head tilted back further to accept Lexa's silent request, Lexa didn't hesitate. Pressing a firm and decidedly PG kiss onto Clarke's waiting lips. It was the closeness that they needed, the intimacy. Nothing sexual.

They hardly noticed the front door opening, but Madi did.

“Anna!” The toddler squealed, jumping up and using her mother's hair as a tether in order to balance herself as she stood on her mother's thighs, “Lessa found my mommy!”

Anya's eyes widened briefly, scanning the three of them until she reached her own conclusions about Madi's paternity. Lexa hadn't told Anya anything but she assumed Raven would've so she assumed that this reaction was just seeing the evidence up close instead of her finding out from scratch. Anya stalked closer, expression morphing into thoroughly impressed as she eyed the two Griffin girls.

“You made this?” Anya asked Clarke, finger pointed towards Madi who was giggling at Anya's...Anya-ness. Lexa caught Clarke's narrowed gaze, squeezing her hip in reassurance. But Anya wasn't done, “Holy fuck, barbie. You're to blame for my softness! If it wasn't for this thing then I would be one hundred percent badass. How the hell did you even create that?”

Lexa could feel Clarke's anger rise as Clarke's glare turned deadly, voice coming out in a growl, “You called my baby defective.”

Anya's eyes widened, looking slightly shaken by just how intimidating angry Clarke could be and Lexa swallowed thickly. Madi, however, found it positively hilarious as a high pitched cackle came from her. The Woods sisters were both taken aback, neither of them used to Madi being so animated and they both looked on with wide eyes as Madi turned on her mother, using both of her little hands to squash Clarke's cheeks together.

“I'm your baby,” Madi babbled, tone taking on a babier lilt than usual as she giggled in her mother's face.

Clarke's anger melted immediately, her arms wrapping around her toddler as she blew a raspberry on Madi's chubby cheek, “You like Anya?”

“Mommy!” Madi's eyes lit up, patting Clarke's cheek to make sure she had her mother's full attention and staring wide eyed between Lexa and Anya. Her voice dropping to a whisper as she told her mother her secrets, “Anna and Lessa are sisters.”

Clarke's mouth dropped open as she gasped, resting her forehead against the toddler's in conspiracy as she feigned total surprise, “No way!”

Madi nodded enthusiastically for a moment before she got distracted by her mother's face, hands sweeping Clarke's hair forward as she pressed open mouthed kissed to Clarke's lips and nose. Lexa was more than happy to watch the moment. Heart swelling at being lucky enough to see Madi so elevated and to see just how natural of a mother Clarke was.

When her phone chimed with a text, her hear sank.

If this was Marcus, if this was a text telling her that it was time to take Madi away from her mom then they would lose this perfect little bubble that they'd created. This perfect atmosphere that Lexa wanted to exist in forever. Reluctantly, reluctantly, she pulled her phone from her pocket.

Marcus: We're ready here for Madison. See you soon. X

Lexa stiffened, causing Clarke to glance at her in question. Lexa shook her head, not believing that she was about to say what she had to say, “I...have to...”

Clarke's eyes connected with hers, chin resting on the top of Madi's head as she reached for Lexa's phone. And Lexa let her. Eyes trained on Clarke's face. Watching as Clarke's eyes lit up with the light of her phone before Clarke's eyes were scanning. Pausing. And scanning again. Lexa understood, she wished the words were different too but no matter how many times Clarke read them, they weren't going to chance.

“I can get her back tomorrow,” Lexa spoke hurriedly but she knew that it was a consolation.

Clarke's jaw tightened, her eyes squeezing shut as she handed the phone back. And Lexa watched. Watched as Clarke's heart broke. Watched as Clarke internalized every negative feeling. Watched as Clarke, the woman that Lexa loved, swallowed down her pain in order to put a brave face on for her daughter.

“Listen, baby,” Clarke said softly, pulling Madi's attention to her and helping the toddler to face her. Madi immediately regarded her mother carefully, seeing passed the tight lipped smile and expression dropping. Clarke's gaze was nothing but apologetic as she leant just a little bit closer into Lexa, “Who brought you back to me?”

Madi looked thoughtful for a second, eyeing Lexa before landing on her mother tentatively, “Lessa.”

“That's right,” Clarke nodded, tone low and gentle but Lexa could hear the cracks, “And Lessa will bring you back to me tomorrow okay? But she can only do that if you don't tell grandma that you saw me. Can you do that?”

Madi searched her mother's face, head cocking to the side in the same way that Clarke did, “Yes.”

“I'm sorry that you have to remember this but if grandma knows then she won't let Lexa bring you back to me,” Clarke tried to explain, even though it was obviously paining her that she was having to explain something like this to her child, “Can you be brave for me?”

Madi nodded, expression determined as her hands landed on Clarke's chest, “I be brave for you, you be brave for me.”

“Yeah,” Clarke let out a breath, a half laugh as her tears spilled and she pulled the toddler into her arms for a hug, “That's right. I love you so much, baby.”

Madi nodded against her mother's neck, arms tight around Clarke's head and feet digging into Clarke's thighs as she bounced, “Love you.”

Lexa wiped at her eyes, her own emotions getting the better of her. She shook her head, standing up and offering her hand to Clarke as she did so. Helping Clarke up from the ground as she held Madi close to her chest. When Madi pulled back from their hug she reached for Lexa and it broke Lexa's heart even further as she took toddler out of Clarke's arms. Clarke immediately wrapped her arms around her middle, looking small and empty without the toddler against her chest. And judging by the heartbroken expression on Clarke's face, she felt the loss greatly.

Seeing Clarke looking so lost, Lexa passed Madi to Anya in order to comfort the blonde. Stepping into Clarke's space only to be pushed back.

“Go with her,” Clarke said, tears rolling down her cheeks and expression desperate, “Please just...go with her.”

Lexa nodded, following her sister out of the front door. The last thing she saw was Clarke's back meeting the wall before the blonde slid down it, letting out a pained sobs and carding her fingers through her hair.

- - - - - - - - - -

Handing Madi over and acting normal proved to be rather difficult for Lexa. So difficult that she'd had to leave Anya in the car because there is no way Anya wouldn't tear Abby a new one if she happened across the older Griffin. Still, she was glad that Madi was being a champ about the whole situation. Madi seemed to understand just how important it was for her to keep her time with her mommy under raps. And Lexa was beyond glad that the toddler seemed to trust her that she'd make sure to bring her to her mommy tomorrow. Madi was, in fact, quite the actress when she was asked about her day. She'd spoken softly and told them that she'd been coloring. And for once, Lexa was glad for the toddler's usually stoic persona. She wasn't a child that smiled that often so it didn't seem strange that she wasn't now.

With Madi relatively happy, Lexa was itching to get back to Clarke, knowing that Clarke wouldn't be in the same state as her daughter. She'd run several stop lights on her way home, much to Anya's complaint. Anya had questions. Of course Anya had questions. But they would have to wait. With Anya shooting her 'we are so going to talk about this later' glares, she pulled up to the house in record time and left Anya in the car on her sprint towards Clarke.

Clarke was in the same spot as Lexa had left her, sobbing against the wall. Only now she had Raven by her side. Lexa was on her knees in a heart beat, pushing Clarke's hair away from her face and seeking out Clarke's empty gaze.

“I promise you, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, voice shaking at the intensity of her promise. With how much she meant it, “I will do everything in my power to make sure that you get your baby back.”

Chapter Text

34. Never Wait

Lexa was surprised that she was even able to fall asleep after such a difficult situation. But she must have drifted off when there was finally a lull in her whirling mind. Clarke had been in no state to talk and Lexa had noticed Clarke's gaze linger on the front door longingly, having an internal argument about whether to just storm out and get hammered or not. But Clarke's progress had won out, for which Lexa was glad. She knew how hard it would've been for Clarke after such a difficult day, to say no to her usual tactics of self loathing and drown her feelings in a bottle. And Lexa couldn't of been prouder when Clarke tore her gaze away from the door, away from the possibility of falling back into her old ways.

Clarke had stormed out after that, but not to self destruct. Instead to her bedroom, presumably for a session of sobbing and much needed alone time. Lexa wasn't going to follow her, she knew that Clarke would've hinted at her to come if she'd wanted Lexa with her and Lexa knew that Clarke needed space. Clarke always needed a little bit of space after something emotional. The comfort would come later via Lexa's cuddles or Raven, a couch, a shitty sitcom and a bucket of ice cream. Maybe both.

Raven was also a little worse for wear. Staring at Lexa and looking as lost as Lexa felt. She wondered if the situation stirred up old emotions from the first time the mother and daughter were separated. Probably. Raven had fallen into Anya's arms once the silence had stretched too long without any of them having any idea on what to say. There was nothing to say. And Lexa watched as her sister swept her friend upstairs and into the comfort of Raven's bedroom for some consoling. It'd made Lexa smile. She was glad that they had each other.

Lexa had stayed up a further hour, waiting in the kitchen with a glass of whiskey and drowning in her own thoughts in case Clarke needed someone. In case Clarke came looking for her. But eventually she resigned herself to the fact that Clarke might need more time. Lexa understood that too, it was a lot to process. She was having a hard time processing so it must be so much harder for Clarke. So she dragged herself upstairs, stripping down to her underwear and shirt before falling into bed and letting her mind overtake her.

It was still the middle of the night when she woke up, groggily glancing at her alarm clock and reading that it was just after three am. The culprit of her premature wakeup call was standing by her bed, bathed in the soft lighting of Lexa's lamp, which she'd forgotten to turn off. It took longer than she'd like to admit for her to realize what Clarke was doing and a frown came to her face as Clarke's shirt hit the floor, Clarke's expression void of emotion as Lexa's eyes connected with empty blue ones.

“What are you doing?” Lexa croaked out, peering over her comforter as Clarke's pants were pushed to the ground and stepped out of. Lexa couldn't help the brief glance at Clarke's legs but pulled her eyes away with a lick of her lips.

Clarke's expression remained emotionless, her voice coming out flat as her hands went behind her back to unhook her bra, “I owe you, right?”

Lexa swallowed thickly, having to force her eyes away from the newly exposed skin as Clarke slid the garment down her arms and dropped it onto the floor, “What?”

“You helped me see my kid so now I owe you.”

It was hard for Lexa to focus on Clarke's monotone voice when Clarke's body was on show but Clarke's words were enough to pull Lexa out of her lustful haze. Lexa wasn't sure what was happening, where Clarke's head was at. All she knew was that Clarke must be in a really bad place to think that she'd be expecting sex right now. She steeled herself, forcing her eyes onto Clarke's as she spoke firmly.

“No. Of course not.”

She saw anger flash within blue eyes at her words and for a moment she thought that was a good thing, if she could make Clarke angry then at least the blonde would be feeling something. Seeing Clarke looking so empty was always a difficult fate to have and something that Lexa felt greatly. But anger, Clarke's temper when she was feeling vulnerable, was something Lexa knew how to handle. Clarke could snap at her, Clarke could shout at her. Clarke could let some of her emotions, some of her pain, out if she was angry.

But the flash of anger was gone in a heartbeat, replaced by pure desperation as Clarke's blue eyes filled with tears.

“Maybe I need to thank you like this,” Clarke's voice shook as she spoke, tone dripping with agony, “Maybe I- Please, I-”

Lexa moved on autopilot, jumping up and catching Clarke before she fell. Holding Clarke in her arms as a sob left her throat and Clarke clung to her, fingers digging into her biceps. Lexa's arms tightened around Clarke's waist, her forehead dropping to Clarke's as she murmured quietly, “You're okay, it's going to be okay.”

Clarke's mouth fell open but no words came out, she shook her head. Wet eyes dancing over Lexa's collar bone before Clarke looked up, meeting Lexa's gaze with nothing but desperation, “Please, Lexa.”

Lexa knew what Clarke was asking for. Lexa understood that Clarke's pain was sometimes easier to deal with when the blonde converted it into sex. And so far Lexa hadn't been willing to do that, hadn't wanted to taint what they had. But now, seeing just how desperate Clarke was for closeness, for intimacy, she couldn't deny her. She couldn't say no when she could do something to help. And part of her needed it too, needed to feel that connection with Clarke after such a traumatic few days. Searching Clarke's eyes for any hesitation but finding none, Lexa nodded.

It was all Clarke needed, Lexa's consent, before she was pushing Lexa back onto the bed. Straddling her and slanting her mouth against Lexa in a filthy kiss, tongue swiping hungrily. Lexa knew Clarke needed this, she could feel it in the hopelessness of Clarke's kiss, in the agony of Clarke's insisted grind against her hips. She understood but that didn't mean she was going to let it happen like this. If it was going to happen at all then it was going to be a controlled intimacy, sharing a closeness to make them both feel supported within the hard emotions they were facing and not a frenzied, desperate attempt to feel something.

She flattened her palms against Clarke's side, stroking softly in an attempt to gently coax Clarke from her distress. Lexa slowing the kiss down until they were barely brushing lips and she could feel Clarke's damp lashes against her own cheeks. She broke away, hugging Clarke firmly to her chest and nudging Clarke's face up to make eye contact. Getting hit by the intense torment clouding Clarke's light, blue eyes.

“Slow down,” Lexa whispered, breath fanning across Clarke's upturned face, “I know you want to feel close but we need to go slow with this.”

Clarke searched her face for a moment but nodded, some of the tension leaving her when she was gently pushed onto her back by Lexa. Lexa crawled up to hover over Clarke, thumbs stroking away the tears that were left over on the blonde's face. She took a moment to caress Clarke's face with her eyes, memorizing, loving. She could see when the blonde started to crack, like a wave reaching it's peak before tumbling downwards but she caught Clarke with her lips. Not letting her fall as she lulled Clarke into the security of the gentle kiss. A kiss full of promises and meaning, a kiss that Lexa poured all of her emotions into. Hoping that Clarke understood.

You're not alone.

She worked Clarke's body up with caresses. Gentle hands sliding over heated skin and soft fingertips teasing, taunting and coaxing goosebumps in their wake. Lexa only letting herself move on from sweet and languid kisses once Clarke was already trembling beneath her. Finally letting herself work her way down Clarke's body, pressing kisses on her neck, on her sternum, on each breast until she was faced with Clarke's soft stomach.

Clarke looked down when Lexa paused, expression insecure even as she quivered with need. Lexa could only stare, eyes greedily taking in every inch of Clarke's body and having a completely new appreciation for it now that she knew it'd created one of her favorite people on the planet. Green met blue with intensity as Lexa placed a tender kiss on Clarke's belly, right where Madi had grown and judging by the slight fall of Clarke's mouth, she understood the heavy message that Lexa was trying to convey in a simple kiss.

Lexa's next task was to rid Clarke of her panties and Lexa took great care sliding them down silky legs, not quite being able to hide her fond smile at the little yellow hearts that were covering the material. Naught girl, innocent panties. And Lexa wouldn't have her any other way.

Lexa had barley swiped her tongue before Clarke was clutching her shoulders, a silent plea for Lexa to come closer to her. Lexa could only oblige, crawling up Clarke's body and wedging a thigh between the blonde's legs. Cradling the blonde in her arms as they started a gentle rocking motion that seemed way more intimate than sexual. Nevertheless, Clarke's mouth formed a small O as she moved her hips into Lexa's. Eyes connected as a gasp left her.

Lexa kept up her movements, pressing their bodies together in languid strokes and angling herself to hit Clarke's core with every swipe of her thigh. She wasn't focused on her own pleasure, she didn't need it. Only Clarke's. Clarke needed to feel close with her and this was how Clarke needed to feel close to her in this moment. She held the blonde tighter, making sure that not an inch of them wasn't touching as her forehead made contact with Clarke's. She could tell Clarke was close by the silent whimpers leaving the blonde's lips and the way her thighs trembled underneath Lexa.

When Clarke came it wasn't with the customary 'fuck' that Lexa was used to but instead with a cry that had tears spilling down her cheeks. Tears that Lexa kissed away gently as Clarke came down from her high. The climax hitting Clarke and making way for new emotions. And that's when Clarke really broke. Pressing herself up into Lexa as painful sobs ripped through her throat.

Lexa wasn't sure how long Clarke had cried for once she'd flipped them and settled the blonde on her chest. But Clarke was finally out of tears. Straddling Lexa's hips and pressed against Lexa tightly, her head tucked under Lexa's chin as Lexa held Clarke close around the waist with one hand and raked her fingers through blonde locks with her other. Clarke's breathing had become steadier a while ago but she hadn't moved, only tucked herself into a smaller ball on top of Lexa.

But Lexa wasn't going to push her. Lexa was content to just hold Clarke and keep the girl's demons at bay with everything she had. When Clarke started to fidget, Lexa knew it was time. So far Clarke hadn't been ready to talk but she was ready now. Lexa only had to wait for her to gather herself enough to speak.

“I do love you, Lexa.”

Clarke's first words were spoken carefully, breathy with emotion and it took Lexa a long moment to soak them in. When Clarke tilted her head up to meet Lexa's eyes, Lexa could see the sincerity in them.

“I was scared because you didn't know the most important part of me,” Clarke carried on, voice wavering but the determined set of her face pushing her forward, “The most intimate part of me. I didn't want to...I didn't want you to love me without my daughter,” Clarke's face fell in confusion, a sigh leaving her, “That doesn't even make sense, does it?”

“It does,” Lexa spoke firmly, pulling blue back to green with a squeeze of a hip, “It makes perfect sense. No one can love you without loving Madi too because she a massive part of you,” Lexa licked her lips, searching the wonder in Clarke's eyes, “But I do...Clarke, I do. I've loved you and Madi separately and I love you together too...” Her words died on her tongue, this was usually the point of no return with Clarke. This was usually the point that if Lexa said what she truly wanted to then it would cause Clarke to retreat. This was usually the point where Lexa stopped herself but not today. Not anymore, “You and Madi...separately or together...are a massive part of me.”

Clarke didn't retreat, Clarke's expression remained unguarded and swimming with emotion. She looked speechless as new tears threatened to spill. Lexa could only watch the emotions dance within blue eyes until Clarke could speak, “I don't deserve you.”

Clarke's words came out in choked sobs. The statement hit Lexa where it hurt. The realization hitting her that Clarke truly felt that way and it caused Lexa's own eyes to brim with tears. She cupped Clarke's face in her hands, pressing a series of soft kisses to the blonde's face as she cried, hitting every piece of skin on offer, “Please, Clarke. I just want to be with you and Madi. That's...it's all I want, I-”

She was cut off by a searing kiss. Clarke's lips moving messily over hers with no rhythm, no practice and no technique other than the need to feel close. She tugged the blonde closer, meeting the heady kiss with her own desperation until Clarke pulled back with a shaky breath and an even shakier smile.

“Would you like to know about my daughter?”

The tentative suggestion was met immediately by Lexa's enthusiastic nod and she gripped at Clarke's hips, wanting to know everything and anything the blonde was willing to share. Her enthusiasm was met with a small but real smile as Clarke nodded, eyes searching the room in an attempt to gather herself.

“When my dad died my mom wasn't really around,” Clarke said, voice quiet as she found purchase on Lexa's collar bone, fingers coming up to play with the skin, “I convinced myself I didn't need her...but I did. And I...I blamed myself for my dad's death just as much as she did.”

“He's dead because of you, Clarke.”

Abby's voice rang through Lexa's ears. She remembers the phone call well, she remember what happened after that well too. It made her wonder just how many times Clarke had heard that.

“I felt like he died because I freaked out,” Clarke's eyes rolled to the ceiling for a second, “That if I hadn't freaked out just because a boy wanted to cop a feel then my dad would still be here and I...I don't know, I wanted to fix that. I thought that if I could just...not freak out then it would fix everything.”

Lexa could read the guilt in Clarke's eyes, hear the desperation in Clarke's voice. Her heart breaking for fourteen year old Clarke, alone and thinking that she could fix something that could never be fixed.

“Of course it didn't fix anything,” Clarke scoffed, rolling her eyes at herself, “It just made me feel like a complete slut...which may be true considering I got pregnant.”

Lexa shook her head. Clarke wasn't a slut. Not in her eyes. She's sure that plenty of people would be quick to judge Clarke, to blame her for actions she took in an attempt to make herself feel better. But in actuality, Clarke wasn't to blame. A number of adults failed Clarke after her father died.

“I knew I was pregnant before I took the test,” Clarke mumbled, eyes downcast, “I didn't want to take it because I knew Raven would try to stay.”

Lexa knew that Raven was at M.I.T when Clarke got pregnant, she knew that Raven carried around quite a bit of guilt for not moving back when she found out.

“I made sure she didn't,” Clarke's expression hardened, “I got her to go back to Uni and I pretended that everything was fine. I knew she wouldn't be able to get hold of my mom to ask her so I told Raven that my mom knew, that she was helping me. I dropped out of school so I could hide it better, so that there was no chance of a teacher finding out and then telling my mom.”

Lexa listened intently, wondering just how scary that must've been for Clarke.

“I only told Octavia and Niylah and it was kinda working before my mom found out,” Clarke continued, taking a deep breath, “She came home...she hadn't set foot in the house for over a month but that night she came home and I couldn't hide my belly from her fast enough.”

Clarke paused to take a shaky breath, her body slumping further into Lexa's on her exhale. Lexa wondered if she was making herself smaller because that's how she felt when this happened. Small.

“She was...so angry,” Clarke whispered, tilting her head closer to Lexa's, “She...she slapped me and she...she grabbed my hair and...she dragged me to her car.”

The shudder that went through Clarke made Lexa grip her tighter. Her stomach flipping at the thought of Abby laying a hand on Clarke. Her stomach flipping even further at the thought of Abby laying a hand on Clarke while she was pregnant with Madi. Lexa's teeth sunk into her bottom lip in order to keep her emotions in check. She watched as Clarke's eyes slammed shut, pain evident on her face as she continued.

“I remember the car ride. She was driving so fast that it scared me and she kept yelling, saying that I was going to get an abortion whether I liked it or not,” Clarke's chin dipped, a tear slipping down her nose. When her eyes opened they were light and full of anguish but meeting Lexa's steadily, “I didn't know what I was doing but there was one thing I was certain of, I wanted to keep my baby.”

The firmness, the certainty in Clarke's tone struck Lexa in the chest. Lexa could feel it in every bone, Clarke had always wanted her daughter. And Abby...trying to force Clarke into an abortion made bile rise in Lexa's throat, a new wave of hatred settling in for the woman that wasn't fit to be in Clarke or Madi's lives.

“She didn't care,” Clarke voice dropped, vulnerability creeping in, “And she threw a fit when the hospital told her that it was too late, that I was too far gone to abort my baby.”

There was a heavy pause as the emotions danced in Clarke's eyes, no doubt a reenactment going on in her mind. All Lexa could do was softly stroke her back in hopes of providing her with some comfort until she brought herself back. Once she did, she blinked heavily, gaze meeting Lexa's chin.

“I hardly saw her at all after that,” Clarke said softly, “I gave birth to my daughter when I was fifteen. I was alone and...that was hard,” Clarke blew out a breath before her expression softened and an edge of happiness crept into her blue eyes, “But once I held her...it was like everything made sense, like everything that was wrong in my world just clicked into place. I knew that she was supposed to be in this world...that I was supposed to be her mom.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Lexa's mouth. How could anyone ever think that this girl was a bad mother? That she would ever choose anything over her daughter? It was hardly worth the thought. Clarke was a far better mother than the person who had that opinion would ever be. Still, the realization crept up on Lexa that Clarke was completely alone for her pregnancy. For the cravings, for the back aches, for the scans. And that broke her heart more than anything. That Clarke had no one to share her pregnancy with.

“I had to call Raven once Madi was born, I had to come clean and tell her that I'd lied because they wouldn't let me take Madi home unless a legal adult was with me. They paged my mom, she was working just a couple floors up in the hospital but...she didn't,” Clarke shook her head, the sadness overtaking her, “Raven came as quick as she could but it still took hours and all that time my mom was right upstairs.”

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke more fully, trying to shield her and shoulder some of her pain. She knew this part, Raven had explained. Clarke had waited six whole hours, six hours to be able to take her baby home. Six hours of doubt, six hours of feeling incapable, six hours of her mom not making the trip down two flights of stairs to support her daughter or meet her granddaughter. Her heart ached for fifteen year old Clarke.

“Raven dropped out of M.I.T after that,” Clarke sniffled, guilt crossing her features, “She got an apartment and Madi and I stayed with her most of the time. I really couldn't of done it without Raven...but we managed...we were happy,” Clarke paused, teeth sinking into her bottom lip, “Until my mom met Marcus Kane.”

Lexa's blood ran cold. Marcus Kane, her uncle played a part in this. Which part, she wasn't sure but she couldn't help but to feel guilty for that. That a family member of hers had caused Clarke pain.

“It wasn't him,” Clarke said firmly, noticing Lexa's thought pattern, fingers stroking Lexa's cheek, “He just...he made her happy again and then my mom couldn't ignore me anymore. She finally decided to be a mother...just not mine,” Clarke expression grew sad, “She tried to be mother to Madi instead.”

“You're no one's mom.”

She remembered when Clarke had spoken those words, the venom in her tone as she said them. She hadn't understood then but she did now. Now she realized that Clarke was desperately attempting to make her mom understand that she would never take Clarke's place, that she would never be Madi's mom and that what she was doing meant that she wasn't Clarke's either. Because Clarke knew what it took to be a mom.

“My mom decided that I wasn't fit to be a mother, that I was too young and too stupid and-” Clarke's voice cracked, “She...she hardly let me say goodbye.”

The sob ripped through Clarke's throat, coming out hot and heavy against Lexa's face. But before Lexa could comfort her, Clarke spoke again.

“I promised her I would come back, Lexa,” Clarke cried, “I...how could I do that when I might not get her?”

“Mommy always does her promises.”

With Madi's words running through her mind, Lexa's jaw set. She grabbed Clarke's face into her hands, gently forcing the eye contact she needed, “You are getting her back, Clarke. You're getting her back.”

Clarke stared at her in wonder, expression desperate and mouth falling open as heavy pants left her. Lexa didn't know if Clarke believed her or not, but she could see the hope rising in Clarke's eyes. It made Lexa even more determined. Clarke was getting Madi back, no matter what Lexa had to do.

It took ten minutes before Clarke's sobs had simmered, until Clarke picked her face up from Lexa's chest and gathered herself enough to speak again. When she did she was quiet, more subdued than before, “I call my mom but she always says no when I ask to see Madi. She won't even tell me how she's doing.”

Lexa opened her mouth to reply because she did know how Madi had been doing but she shut it just as fast because which would be better? Letting Clarke know that her baby was shy and withdrawn without her? That in the short space of time that Lexa had seen them together it was the happiest that Lexa had ever seen the toddler? Or lie and make Clarke think that Madi was okay without her? There wasn't a right answer so she kept quiet about it, opting for something else entirely.

“She talks about you,” Lexa said softly, gaining Clarke's attention as blue eyes fixed on hers, “She tells me about you and...she knows you're coming back, Clarke. She told me so herself.”

Clarke's eyes squinted in an attempt to keep her tears at bay, bottom lip trembling as she let out a sad laugh, “Thank you for being there for her, Lex.”

Lexa nodded, pressing kisses to Clarke's cheeks as she whispered, “I want to always be there for her.”

For a long moment they sat in silence. Both of their minds spinning after such a heavy conversation but Lexa still had questions. She just hoped that Clarke would be okay with her asking. She took a deep breath, stirring up her courage.

“What about Madi's...” Her voice trailed off as blue met green, a defensive barrier coming up within Clarke's eyes but Lexa pushed on, “Can I ask about Madi's dad?”

Clarke's eyes dipped, an air of defiance coming over the blonde as well as embarrassment, “I went to a lot of parties back then, Lexa and I slept with a lot of people,” Clarke sighed, meeting Lexa's gaze head on, “I know who he is, I...it took a little bit of working out but...I've spoken to him, he knows about her.”

Lexa nodded, encouraging Clarke with a squeeze of her hips.

“He doesn't want anything to do with her,” Clarke's voice dropped a couple of octaves, heartbreak evident of her face before she took a deep breath and her features lightened, “But...he did sign an agreement. I get Madi, he gets to not go to jail for sleeping with a minor...even if he didn't know how old I was at the time. I'm not allowed to contact him again though.”

It took Lexa a moment to comprehend. She wasn't sure what would be better. For Madi's father to have a right to her or for Clarke to be safe in the knowledge that she didn't have to go through any custody battle, with him anyway. Clarke seemed to be okay with it, which was understandable. She briefly wondered if Raven helped with that. Raven was smart, not that Clarke wasn't but Clarke was only fourteen or fifteen at the time, so maybe Raven was the one who thought an agreement would be necessary.

Lexa frowned as another thought occurred to her, “Who has custody of Madi?”

“My mom has temporary custody until I turn eighteen,” Clarke bit her lip, expression nervous as she twirled a strand of Lexa's hair between her fingers, “Then there will be a court hearing...my mom will try to get full custody and I'll do the same...”

“What happens in two months?” - “Everything.”

“You're eighteen in two months,” Lexa breathed out, watching as Clarke confirmed her thoughts with a nod, “That's why it's so important for you to get straight A's.”

Another nod, “And why I'm always late to your class,” Clarke explained, earning a questioning eyebrow raise from Lexa, “I...I tutor before school and in my lunch break. I don't need to worry about an income because the courts will base it from Raven's...but it'll look good it they see that I can earn, that I can stick to something.”

Lexa's eyebrows rose, impressed by how hard Clarke was working just to be able to earn some points for herself in court. It wasn't surprising, Clarke was obviously a great mother that would do anything for her daughter but it was impressive that Clarke was able to put aside how difficult all of this was for her in order to be stable enough to keep up with those things. Lexa's eyebrows dropped as the reality settled, “So you just have to wait?”

Clarke nodded, eyes sad and expression distant as she shrugged, “Until then, I'm just surviving.”

The words hit Lexa with a new wave of sadness, eyes boring into the side of Clarke's face as her voice dropped to a whisper, “Life should be about more than just surviving”

The words were out of her mouth so quietly that she wasn't sure if Clarke heard them but a moment later, blue met green and Clarke's lips tipped towards a tentative smile.

“Maybe,” Clarke said weakly, pressing her lips to Lexa's in a quick kiss.

Lexa watched as Clarke's chin dipped, resting on Lexa's chest as she retreated. She watched as Clarke's expression turned thoughtful. Everything made sense now, Clarke was no longer a mystery to Lexa and it only made Lexa love her more. With a glance at her alarm clock, Lexa tapped Clarke's side.

“It's seven thirty,” Lexa whispered, eyes connecting with Clarke's, “Shall I go get your baby?”

Blue eyes lit up, Clarke's smile growing more genuine as she nodded, “Yes please.”

“Okay.” Lexa smiled softly, chasing Clarke as she dropped to Lexa's side with her lips and catching Clarke in a more intimate one than before.

She got up, tugging on her dis-guarded jeans and a fresh sweater. Combing her fingers through her hair in order to make herself look at least semi presentable.

“Lex?”

Clarke caught her attention and Lexa turned back to look at her. Her breath catching in her throat at the beautiful imagine of Clarke, naked and looking soft in her bed with mused hair and a smile playing on her lips.

“Don't keep me waiting.”

Clarke's tone was teasing but it lit a fire within Lexa. Her mind racing with thoughts of Clarke waiting. Of Clarke waiting two hours while being trapped inside a car with her dead father. Of Clarke waiting six hours on her own until she was allowed to take her baby home. Lexa shook her head, tone nothing but serious and making Clarke's mouth fall open with a soft expression, eyes searching.

“I will never make you wait, Clarke.”

Chapter Text

35. Mountains

A stillness seemed to have settled within Lexa once she'd picked Madi up and was driving back home with the still sleepy toddler gently humming to herself in her car seat. A contentment that hadn't been a usual occurrence in Lexa's life for a little while now. She wondered if it was because of the revelations over the passed few days or because of Marcus saying that she could keep Madi for a few weeks and they would be talking about adoption within that time, that maybe this would be the last time that Lexa would be picking Madi up from his house.

It was an elating thought but it also filled her with guilt. She hadn't shared her plans for adoption with Clarke yet. Nor was she intending to, not if Clarke could get Madi back. And that's exactly why Lexa had called Ryder on her way to pick up the toddler. Ryder McCarthy was a friend to the Woods family, he'd gone to college with Gustus and they'd been close friends ever since. He also happened to be a very accomplished lawyer, one that Lexa's family used for any and all legal cases they faced. Including this one. Lexa had called Ryder as soon as she left her bed, asking him to look into the custody case of Madi Griffin. If anyone was going to be able to help her get Madi back for Clarke then it was Ryder. She just had to wait for him to gather some intel and look into things.

When she got home, after extracting Madi from her car seat and trying not to laugh at the toddler's heavy eyes and lazy smile, Lexa assumed that Clarke must still be in her bed after not seeing the blonde downstairs. So they made their way up, Madi using Lexa's hands for support as she slowly navigated the mountain-like stair case like a 'big girl'. Shooting a triumphant smile towards Lexa once she reached the top that said 'I told you so' more than anything else and Lexa led the humble toddler to her room.

Clarke was exactly where Lexa had left her, dozing peacefully in bed and looking nothing but angelic. Upon seeing her mother, Madi's smile turned toothy as she held her hands up in hopes of being deposited on the bed, which Lexa was only to happy to oblige. And Lexa watched as Madi made her way up the bed, mostly on two feet but hands coming in to play every now and again when she stumbled and using them to right herself. With minimal effort, Madi made it to her destination and with no hesitation let her little body fall directly onto Clarke's chest.

Blue eyes shot open in surprise but softened as soon as they fell upon the source of their wake up call. Lexa doubted that Clarke minded. Lexa thought that for Clarke, this was the best wake up call she could possibly ever have, in fact.

Madi, pulling herself up into a sitting position on Clarke's chest as Clarke's hands fell to her sides, smiled brightly, “Lessa brought me back.”

Clarke's expression softened more at the proud statement, giving Lexa a thankful glance before her attention was once again on Madi, “I can see that, baby.”

Madi gave her mother an exaggerated nod, hands coming to Clarke's cheeks when the blonde blew them out - going cross eyed in the process – and patting said cheeks with a little more force than necessary until they were deflating with a rude sound coming from between the blonde's lips. Something that Madi found ridiculously funny as she shook with giggles.

It was a heart warming moment for Lexa and it made her think about a life like this, made her mind go to spending every morning like this. She could watch Clarke mothering for the rest of her life and she'd be happy doing just that.

As Madi settled comfortably on her mother's chest, cheek pressing into the skin she found there and eyelashes fluttering, Lexa raised a knowing eyebrow, “Are you two going to fall back to sleep?”

Two sets of equally sleepy eyes met her as their owners shook their heads no. But Madi was already drifting off, fingers wound into the golden locks of her mother's hair and Clarke was fairing no better. Clarke looked more peaceful than ever with her daughter snuggled tightly against her naked chest and her lazy eyes barely grazed Lexa before her eyelids were falling. Lexa let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head before she decided to leave them to it. She didn't know exactly how long it'd been since the pair had been able to share a moment like this but maybe it was exactly what they both needed. And Lexa could do with a run to clear her head too.

- - - - - - - - - -

Her feet led her without much thought to a familiar track. She was halfway up it before she realized that this was the same track that held a place that meant something. Not to her but to Madi. She'd visited this track with the toddler a few times and each had led them to a bench that was surrounded in wild flowers. A place that Clarke had brought Madi before her. It was fitting that Lexa would end up here, it made her smile.

A run was exactly what she needed to get her thoughts in order. She'd need it to get though the day until Ryder got back to her, whenever that may be. She knew that Ryder wouldn't take long but it would still be a day or two yet. And no doubt it would be an emotional day, a happy one but emotional nonetheless.

She thought about the night before. More specifically about Clarke needing her. There was a part of her that felt guilty for giving in. To temptation? To desire? No, it wasn't like that. It wasn't about lust and the moment had hardly been erotically charged. It was pure desperation. Desperation to be that vulnerable, that connected after such monumental revelations. She just hoped that Clarke saw it the same way she did. That it had been more about nakedness and intimacy than sex. She would hardly even consider it as sex. To her it was a bond and nothing else. And although Clarke was beyond complicated – although, getting less complicated by the day – Lexa believed that her and Clarke were on the same page.

She thought about Clarke sobbing afterwards. About Clarke's tears starting during their intimacy and turning into sobs by the time it was over. About Clarke breaking in her arms. But more than that, Lexa thought about Clarke still having the courage to be open with her afterwards. It was an incredibly satisfying change of pace. She knew how much it took for Clarke to get there with someone, to get to a place that she could stay open and vulnerable. She knew because she'd worked hard to get there, to be that person. And it paid off. And it made Lexa fall in love with Clarke all over again.

She thought abut the woman who she now knew to be Abby Griffin. Marrying up the two sides of Abby – Clarke's mom and Madi's grandmother – hadn't been an easy task. Both sides equally vile but adding them together meant creating some sort of a heartless monster. Someone straight out of a Grimm Brothers story. Only it wasn't a story, it was a reality that Clarke and Madi had to live with. The most unsettling fact yet being that Abby tried to force Clarke into having an abortion. Lexa had to force her mind away from the thought of what might have happened if Clarke wasn't as far along in her pregnancy at that point.

She thought about Madi's dad. It took her a bit of thought to wrap her head around the agreement that Clarke and him shared. Clarke got Madi, indefinitely and without argument and Madi's father got to remain anonymous. It seemed simple, it seemed mess free. Only what happened later? Madi was surely going to be curious one day but Clarke had made it clear that part of the agreement was for her – and in extension, Madi – to never contact him again. He wasn't even on the little girl's birth certificate. Yet that wouldn't stop Madi's questions. One day she would want to know about the unknown fifty percent of her biology. And Clarke would have to tell her something. Lexa just wondered what that something would be.

Most of all she thought about Clarke and Madi's relationship. How beautiful it was to see them together. She felt beyond lucky to be included in that. To be able to watch it. Around Clarke, Madi was the happiest Lexa had ever seen her. Still quiet, stoic and reserved, those things were just in Madi's make up but so much more care free. So much happier. And Clarke was too. Lexa had come close to seeing Clarke relaxed and happy but never so much as she was in the presence of her daughter.

She could hear them chatting gently to each other when she made it back to her room and she walked in to find them both in a state of undress. Clarke didn't seem to have moved except to prop herself up on Lexa's pillows but Madi seemed to have rid herself of some clothes, leaving only her black leggings on as she straddled her mother's nude stomach. Madi concentrated fully on her task as she drew something into the skin between Clarke's breasts with a felt tipped pen and Clarke watched the toddler with a soft expression as she ran her fingers through soft but wild, brunette curls.

Lexa couldn't help but to grin at the scene. Her grin only widening when equally blue eyes fixed on her as she entered the room and she was sent happy smiles from the mother and daughter duo. Lexa fell back onto the bed happily next to Clarke, earning herself a light giggle from the toddler and a wrinkled nose from the blonde.

“You stink,” Clarke eyed her, pulling a displeased face.

“I went for a run,” Lexa rolled her eyes fondly before her attention fixed on Madi, “What are you drawing?”

Madi, expression showing slight annoyance at being pulled from her concentration, glanced up at Lexa, “Flower.”

Lexa nodded her head at the simple statement, not letting her eyes linger on an exposed breast for too long before she found the drawing between them. It was, indeed, a flower. A flower with big petals and a smiley face on it's pistol, it's petals only half colored in, “So you are. It's very pretty.”

Madi observed her work for half a second before nodding firmly in agreement.

Lexa's attention turned to Clarke who was watching the exchange with a half amused smile, making Lexa chuckle, “Are either of you hungry?”

Clarke's smile widened, eyes sparkling and she dropped her head onto Lexa's shoulder before her gazed fell back onto Madi, “What do you want to eat?”

Madi's attention, once again inconveniently pulled from her art work, studied her mother carefully. Her lips forming a pout of concentration before an idea struck her and her eyes lit up, her hands pressing into the flesh of her mother's chest, “Milk.”

Lexa eyes widened, a blush running up her neck. She glanced at Clarke but Clarke only giggled in amusement, picking her head up from Lexa's shoulder to shake it, “I don't have any, it's all gone.”

Madi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she searched her mother for inaccuracy, tone wary, “Why?”

Clarke pursed her lips in an obvious attempt to hold back her laughter, especially as Lexa turned even redder, “You drank it all when you were a little baby.”

It was Madi's turn for her eyes to widen, her mouth forming an O at the shocking revelation. For a moment her attention switched to Lexa, as if wanting a second opinion but with Lexa's nod of confirmation, Madi's expression shifted, “Sorry.”

“That's quite alright,” Clarke said, tone teasing as she tickled the little girl's belly, pulling a giggle from her. She pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek and scooped Madi into her arms, narrowly avoiding the tightly clutched felt tip from making contact with her face, “You take a shower, we'll see what we're working with for breakfast.”

Lexa could only nod, a dumbfounded smile on her face.

- - - - - - - - - -

Coming downstairs to find Raven in the kitchen - spatula in hand and making food - while Madi sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar - feet dangling and barely seeing over the counter – made Lexa's chest fill with warmth. Madi was here. Madi was at home with her. And her mom. And her auntie Rae. And there was something perfect about that. Something right.

“I wanna stay here forever with mommy and Lessa,” Madi chirped, eyes glued to Raven as she waved the spatula around in a successful attempt to make the toddler giggle.

“Mommy's tryna make that happen, munchkin,” Raven replied, “What do you drink nowadays? Neat vodka like mommy or do you need a mixer?”

Lexa scoffed in amusement, shooting Raven a scolding look when the brunette turned to her. Lexa shook her head, making her way over and sitting on the spare seat. Automatically letting a hand settle on Madi's back to support the toddler, “Please, if anything she's a whiskey girl.”

“Whiskey, eh?” Raven eyed the toddler, wrinkling her nose in disagreement, “I'll tell you what, how about I make you my very own cocktail?”

Madi sat up straighter in her seat. Obviously enthusiastic about being included in the exclusivity of Raven's very own cocktail, “Wassit called?”

Raven leant in closer, keeping her voice low and secretive, “Rocketfuel.”

Madi's eyes widened further as she nodded, expression turning serious as she mimicked Raven and leant closer, “I won't tell.”

“Atta girl,” Raven grinned, tapping the tip of Madi's nose with her finger before pulling away to fix Madi a drink – obviously not actually a 'Rocketfuel' but she was sure that Raven would make it colorful.

Madi turned to Lexa, little hand tugging on Lexa's to get her attention, “Lessa, go get my mommy?”

Lexa smiled, leaning down to press her nose into Madi's hair and planting a loud kiss on the toddler's cheek, “Of course.”

She was thankful to be sent on Madi's mission, to recover and return her mother. It would give her a chance to check in with Clarke. To see how Clarke was doing. Having Madi here felt like she was in a dream, a dream that she never wanted to wake up from. It felt too good to be true and maybe that's why there were little doubts creeping up, worries that things wouldn't go smoothly. Worries that somehow Abby would win. She could only imagine that for Clarke it was even worse.

She walked into Clarke's room as Clarke walked out of her bathroom, dressed in jean shorts and a white, cotton shirt and towel drying her damp hair. Clarke smiled when she saw her, pausing near the foot of her bed, “Hey.”

Lexa took a breath, her own smile wide as she pulled the towel from Clarke's hands and deposited it on the bed behind the blonde before she slid her arms around Clarke's waist, “Hi.”

Clarke put her own arms around Lexa's neck, using her tiptoes to close the hardly there difference in their heights in order to press their lips together, “How are you doing with all of this?”

Lexa's eyebrows rose at the question, arms tightening, “Shouldn't I be asking you that?”

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully, no doubt being reminded of a previous conversations they had shared, “I've got her so I'm happy,” Clarke shrugged like it was the most simple thing in the world. And it was, it really was, “And you...I have you too.”

Lexa nodded, “You do have me...which is good considering you love me and everything...”

“Shut up,” Clarke giggled, lightly pushing on Lexa's shoulders, “But it is good...and I do love you.”

“I love you too,” Lexa swooped down to claim Clarke's mouth with her own, only pulling back when Clarke's tongue came out to play. She rested her forehead against Clarke's, taking a moment to calm down.

“I love the way you kiss,” Clarke breathed out against her lips, eyes still shut and pulling Lexa closer.

A smile spread on Lexa's face, expression turning teasing as their eyes met, “What else do you love about me?”

Clarke's lips met Lexa's but only for a second, making Lexa chase the drag of them but Clarke only giggled, shaking her head, “I don't think you need anymore compliments.”

“C'mon,” Lexa chuckled, fingers digging into Clarke's sides and making her squeal, “I had to wade through a lot of bitch Clarke to get to this you so I deserve some more.”

Clarke's mouth fell open, amusement clouding her eyes. Shaking her head as she caught Lexa's mouth in a another kiss. This one a little more heated, a little more breathy as Clarke spoke between kisses, “You're. An. Asshole.”

Raven's voice eventually separated them, “Guys! I made breakfast muffins!”

After de-tangling themselves, Clarke led her out of the room by the hand.

“How's your pallet, anyway? Are you more lucky charms or mac and cheese?” Raven was asking Madi.

Madi frowned, even as Clarke scooped her up so that she could sit in Madi's chair while Lexa took the other one, “I want mommy's breakfast.”

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “I'm pretty sure Lexa wants your mommy's muffin for breakfast, too.”

“Seriously?” Clarke snapped.

Raven only laughed, ignoring Clarke's icy glare as she set down their plates.

- - - - - - - - -

It was later that everything sank in. It was later that Lexa found some quiet to evaluate where her head was at with all of this. It'd been a lot. A lot to take in and such contrasting emotions. The whole week had been both the best and worst of her life for those very reasons. Going from emotionally devastated to elated on multiple occasions had been nothing but draining. She'd felt more heartbreak than she ever had before but she'd also felt happier than she'd ever thought possible.

The day had been uneventful but perfect. They'd spent it inside, being lazy and just enjoying the time together. They'd hardly made it out of Clarke's room since they'd retreated there after breakfast. Instead opting to watch Disney movies on Clarke's tablet and snuggle up in bed. Lexa was more than happy to be included in that, as was Raven. Anya, however, had other plans but would've been welcome too. And Madi had been the center of it all. Smiling and happy. Giggling whenever tickled, chatting whenever spoken to but more than happy to just snuggle up in her mother's arms or relaxing – in what seemed to be her favorite place – between her mother's legs.

They'd only really left Clarke's room for food. Not lunch, instead Lexa made them sandwiches which they ate in bed, a great idea until Raven got mustard on Clarke's pillow and was forced by the blonde – because even her toddler ate more carefully than that - to change the pillow case. For dinner making their way out to the kitchen when their pizza delivery had arrived because Raven had ruined eating in bed for Clarke, which meant they all had to suffer the consequences. Lexa took note of the fact that Madi barely had to be encouraged eat and that Clarke's encouragements were subtle. Lexa could only watch with nothing but pride.

Creative inspiration struck and Lexa took to her laptop while Clarke and Madi shared a bath in the evening. And it was half an hour before a squeal of 'Lessa' pulled her away from her work and into the bathroom to find her two favorite girls. The scene she found there made her heart flutter and clench with fullness, the smile on her face making her cheeks hurt from how wide it was. Clarke and Madi were both in the bath, Madi in her favorite spot between Clarke's legs and equally soaked as they giggled. Both of them sporting bubble beards and bubble hair which Madi was eager to show to her. And Clarke had looked at her with joy sparkling in those bright, blue eyes as she'd asked Lexa to take Madi. 'Take her while I finish up?' Clarke had asked and Lexa couldn't help but to feel like this was supposed to be forever.

She'd towel dried the giggling toddler gently, making sure to make her hair as dry as possible before she'd dressed her in soft pajamas while Clarke finished off. They were all ready for bed at the same time and Madi was growing sleepy when they finally laid down, Madi between them in Clarke's bed. Madi had made sure that they both kissed her goodnight and Lexa had felt like they were a real family.

The thought had been too much, too intrusive. She shouldn't be thinking of them like that, not unless Clarke wanted that too. But she couldn't afford to be presumptuous about it. Not now. Yes, Clarke and her were...something. But they didn't have a label, not one they'd spoken about. And yes, Lexa had a bond with Madi but that didn't give her the right to just become another parent to her no matter how much Lexa wanted it. It had to be up to Clarke. So she'd pulled away from the little family, ready to give them some – probably much needed – privacy and sleep in her own room when Clarke had stopped her with a hand on Lexa's arm and a look of confusion in her eye.

“I should go,” Lexa had said, tone quiet but forcing the sadness out of her voice because the last thing she wanted was for Clarke to feel guilty on her behalf, “You two need some time alone.”

Clarke's confusion only seemed to deepen as her eyes had searched Lexa's. But a second later understanding crept in and her expression evened out, softened as she gently shook her head, voice coming out in a whisper, “Stay.”

And in that moment, Lexa's whole world changed. Because it was Clarke accepting her into their family. It was Clarke telling her that they had a future. It was Clarke saying that Lexa belonged with them, that Lexa wasn't an intrusion but apart of them too. And all Lexa could do was fall back into bed, feeling grateful as Clarke's thumb swept away her tears of happiness.

She'd fallen asleep with her family in her arms. And woken up to them both fast asleep. Clarke on her back, mouth open and hair everywhere. Madi face down on Clarke's neck but sleeping sideways so her feet had managed to make their way into Lexa's armpit. It only took a second to realize that her phone was buzzing on the side.

She was quick to extract herself from the bed and sneak out of the room, not wanting to wake them. But she needed to answer this call, it was important. So she hit answer in the dimly lit kitchen, arms wrapping around herself with the cold bite to the late air.

“Hey?”

“Sorry it's late, Lexa. I'm still at the office.”

“No, it's fine,” Lexa shook her head, “Please tell me you've got something, Ryder.”

“I've looked into the case. Lexa...Clarke doesn't have a chance to gain custody at the hearing.”

“What?” Lexa's heart fell into her stomach. She knew it might be difficult, she'd prepared herself that it might not be that great but this? “She has no chance? What?”

“Abigail Griffin's case is too strong, they would never side with Clarke on this. First of all Abigail has a house, money, a job...she's raised a child before and Abigail has witnesses, testimonies all painting Clarke in a bad light...Clarke hasn't even had contact with the child in four months...not to mention the new evidence that Abigail submitted.”

As Lexa's heard sank further and further with each word spoken she barely heard the end of the sentence but it made her frown, “What new evidence?”

“Abigail submitted it a few days ago, are you aware of a tape that was made by a Kyle Wick?”

Chapter Text

36. The Tape

Waking up with Madi and Clarke in her arms was something Lexa thought she'd only dream about. And it had been a dream of hers for as long as she'd known them. The countless amount of times her mind had drifted to lazy Sundays spent in bed as a family, to afternoons in the park, to that white picket fence and the damn dog that they'd love. And blinking open her eyes to find herself with her arms full of Griffin girls made her heart swell and her eyes prick with tears. Even if she'd somehow managed to get a face full of Madi's hand and Clarke's elbow.

She was the first one to wake up but she was more than content to watch them sleep. Madi's deep, even breaths that were making wisps of Clarke's hair dance around the blonde's face. The movement of Clarke's chest rising and falling taking Madi's torso along with it. Lexa curled towards them with an arm reached over Madi's back to rest against the smooth skin of Clarke's stomach where the blonde's shirt had ridden up in the night. It all felt surreal.

When Clarke started to stir Lexa took it as an invitation to press kisses to the inside of Clarke's elbow, smiling against the skin as she watched Clarke's eyelashes flutter until she was met with blue. She waited patiently for Clarke to regain full consciousness, Clarke wasn't exactly a morning person but soon enough Clarke was looking at her with a lazy smile spread across her face. Lexa wondered how long that smile would last for. It was sure to disappear the moment Lexa relayed the information Ryder gave her. But not yet, she could have a few more minutes of blissful ignorance first.

“You know it's creepy to watch me sleep, right?” Clarke drawled, her voice thick with sleep and taking on a rasp that always did things to Lexa.

Lexa's smile widened at the role reversal, teeth nipping at the soft skin in front of her in protest, “It isn't creepy, because I'm in love with you.”

Clarke's fingers tangled into the hair at the back of Lexa's head as her expression shifted, lips pursing and eyebrows raising, “That makes it even creepier, I'm getting stalker vibes from you now.”

“I'll be a friendly stalker.”

“Fancy stalking me into the shower? I could do with a little pre breakfast work out.”

Lexa's eyes snapped open at the insinuation, dancing over Clarke's features to asses how serious the blonde was being. She definitely wasn't adverse to a little shower sex but – not counting the one sided climax after a little grinding, which Lexa didn't because it was more about emotion and less about anything erotic - they hadn't been intimate in a long time. But Clarke's expression was naughty, head cocked to the side in question and lips pulled into a lazy half smirk. They had things to talk about but Clarke was beyond tempting and Lexa was reluctant to say no this time.

Her gaze fell to the toddler, still fast asleep on her mother's chest, “What about...?”

“It's Sunday,” Clarke said as if it being Sunday should be explanation enough but continued once Lexa had only given her a blank look, “Raven cooks breakfast on Sundays and Madi like to help. We'll have time...if you wanna...”

Clarke's expression turned even more sinister as her nails raked over the side of Lexa's neck and her foot slid up Lexa's calf. Lexa swallowed thickly, blinking to clear to mass of images her mind had created of Clarke, naked and in the shower. Her thumb swept patterns into Clarke's ribs absent mindedly as she frowned, steeling herself.

“I definitely wanna...but,” Lexa paused, blowing out a breath, “I need to talk to you about something...something not pleasant.”

Clarke nodded and Lexa watched as the emotions played through Clarke's eyes, eventually settling on cautious and her voice tentative, “If you're going to break my heart can you at least wait until after shower sex?”

Lexa's own heart constricted at the words, “I'm not going to break your heart, Clarke...but this might.”

Clarke's gaze shifted up towards the ceiling, searching. Her expression giving nothing away as she took in Lexa's words. All Lexa could do was watch and wait, watch Clarke's quiet contemplation and wait for Clarke to decide a course of action. Selfishly she hoped that Clarke would want to wait, to talk about this later. Maybe after some morning cuddles, after some shared laugher or after the aforementioned shower sex that Lexa was craving. But she knew that this needed to be spoken about. They needed a plan and Lexa had one. She just had to talk to Ryder first to make sure it was possible.

Clarke's options were squashed when Madi sat up, eyelids heavy as she pushed her arms upward in order to stretch her back. Both of their attention immediately pulled from their conversation and settled solely on the little girl between them.

“Good morning,” Clarke said softly, a smile on her face as she stroked her fingers along Madi's spine.

Madi's head remained tilting downwards but her eyes wandered, finding her mother and reacting with a smile of her own. A moment later and Madi was clambering more fully onto Clarke, pressing their cheeks together and being secured by Clarke's arm winding around her. Her bright, blue eyes widening when she noticed Lexa's presence and reaching out a hand.

“Lessa, come,” Madi said quietly, eyelids still heavy from sleep.

Lexa maneuvered herself closer, knees knocking against Clarke's and hand sliding up Clarke's side until her head was sharing the blonde's pillow and Madi's hand landed softly on her cheek.

“Did you sleep good, baby?” Clarke cooed, combing Madi's wild mane with her fingers.

And Lexa felt lucky to be included in the moment. Lucky to be able to watch Clarke. When Clarke was in mom mode, Lexa honestly couldn't see her in any other way, nothing seemed more natural than Clarke having her daughter nestled into her chest or between her legs. Anyone with eyes should be able to see how great a mother Clarke really was. And each moment like this one made Lexa feel even luckier to be privy to the small moments. The private moments that the mother and daughter shared.

Madi only nodded, cheek rubbing against Clarke's face in the process and hand finding Lexa's hair, getting her fingers tangled somewhere near her neck.

“You know it's Sunday?” Clarke spoke gently, a tone that seemed to be reserved only for her daughter, “Can you remember what that means?”

Madi's eyebrows pinched, a pout turning up on her face as she carefully mulled over her mother's words. And Lexa watched as the cogs seemed to turn in the toddler's two and a half year old brain. Slowly, seeming to recollect her previous Sunday morning activities, activities that should've always taken place instead of being stripped from her week, Madi picked her face up from it's resting place and turned bright, blue eyes onto Clarke, “Breakfast with auntie Rae?”

“That's right,” Clarke nodded, smiling into the kiss she pressed against Madi's forehead.

Madi's attention fell onto Lexa then, shifting her weight towards the brunette and planting her hands on Lexa's cheeks, “Lessa, I make you breakfast with auntie Rae.”

Lexa couldn't help the grin from taking over her face, lifting Madi's hand from her cheek to press kisses into the palm of the toddler's hand, “Yes, please. I bet you make the best breakfast.”

For a moment, Madi observed her, always thoughtful about other's words but eventually she nodded, accepting the truth in Lexa's statement and sending her a small smile before she propelled herself forwards. Wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck, she hugged Lexa as her face buried into Lexa's cheek. Lexa hugged her back, soaking in the feeling of being in the little girl's space. Madi had understandably been clingy with Clarke since they'd been reunited and that meant Lexa had gotten less one on one time with the toddler than usual. But now, with Madi cuddled into her, Lexa couldn't of been happier. Although she understood why Madi very much needed time to be close with Clarke, it didn't stop Lexa from missing Madi a little bit. Missing the bond that she shared with the little brunette.

Her eyes found Clarke as she sighed in contentment and she didn't miss the soft way Clarke was gazing at them, her expression tender and almost tearful. She wondered if this was something Clarke had hoped for, to one day have someone else to love Madi just as just as she does. She couldn't put herself in Clarke's shoes, she could never fully understand. But she could imagine that it must be difficult too, especially to have not been aware of the bond Lexa and her daughter shared. Lexa lifted her arm in silent understanding and invitation, beckoning Clarke to join in with this particular cuddle. And Clarke didn't hesitate to close the space between them, tucking herself into Lexa's side after leaving a lingering kiss on Lexa's cheek and wrapping her arm around the two brunettes.

They stayed like that for a while. Lexa wasn't sure how long but her internal body clock suggested it was half an hour or so, just being with each other. Of being still together in silent compassion for one another. Of drawing strength and enjoying the quiet for what it was. It was a moment that made Lexa even more determined. Even more determined to do everything in her power to make sure that this became a lifetime rather than a precious moment in between. She was sure that Clarke would be upset about the information she had, her only hope was that Clarke liked her plan. As long as her plan was viable, that is. Another reminder that she needed to talk to Ryder as soon as possible.

They were broken from their silence by Raven, opening the door with a massive smile on her face. Fresh faced and pajama clad, she strode into the room with her hands on her hips, “Now...is there anyone in here who knows anything about cooking?”

Madi was sitting up like a shot, eyes wide and hand up in the air.

“Thank God for that,” Raven grinned before leaning towards the toddler with a secretive smile and lowing her voice to a whisper, “Because let me tell you, mommy and Lessa? They are so bad at cooking.”

Madi's eyes widened further, expression somewhere between shock and horror as she eyed her mom and Lexa. Eventually, tearing her gaze away, she held her hands up towards her aunt, “Don't worry mommy and Lessa, I know how.”

And with that, Raven was scooping Madi up and resting the toddler on her hip as she exited the room. Madi waving at the smiling women in the bed over her aunt's shoulder as she went. But as the door closed behind them, Clarke's grin turned seductive. Blue meeting green as Clarke shifted into Lexa's space, the movement causing Lexa's breath to hitch in her throat and her mouth to become dry at the change in atmosphere.

Clarke's weight grazed over her, the blonde smirking when Lexa's expectant hands landed on her hips but Clarke didn't pause. Instead moving over Lexa completely until she was standing beside the bed in all the naked glory and showing nothing but soft, kissable skin and enticing curves. Lexa automatically let her eyes wander, feeling free to linger appreciatively in all her of favorite places now that they were cast into a toddler free zone.

Her gaze was pulled upwards only when she heard a tutting sound form on Clarke's lips. Clarke's expression wasn't scolding in the slightest, instead the blonde was looking nothing but smug. Clearly up to no good. Blue eyes shone in amusement at Lexa's gulp and Clarke crooked her finger in a come hither motion as she stepped backwards in the trajectory of the bathroom.

And who was Lexa to deny her? No one. She couldn't. Practically scrambling from the bed, Lexa ignored Clarke's giggle at her clumsiness. It was Clarke's fault she was moving with such haste anyway. Clarke's fault with her easy smile that lit Lexa alive inside out. Clarke's fault with her sparkling eyes, so full of amusement and love that they were practically dancing. Clarke's fault with her warm skin and ample chest. Clarke's fault with just how addicting she was.

Clarke's movements never faltered as continued her backwards approach to the bathroom, giggling as she went at the expense of Lexa's eagerness. Lexa couldn't help but to laugh too, the moment so light, so happy that she couldn't help but to want this forever. But there was a weight settling in her, a nagging at the back of her mind that crept up and once it'd gotten it's hold on her, Lexa had to listen to it even if she didn't want to.

“Wait,” She paused Clarke's movement with gentle hands to generous hips, licking her lips in an effort to gain some control of her lust, “I...you said to me once...told me 'not yet'.”

The words left Lexa's mouth in a whisper, as if somehow spoken quietly wouldn't take anything away from this moment. Clarke's eyebrows rose minimally, the only indication that she understood what Lexa was talking about. Lexa remembered the heavy words like they were yesterday.

“I can't stop thinking about you, Lexa. But I can't...not yet.”

Lexa remembered the words that were spoken like a heavily guarded confession. She remember the desperation in Clarke's voice. She remembered the shred of hope that the words gave her, filling her chest with warmth. Giving her something to hold onto.

And looking into eyes that were so familiar to her now, eyes that belonged to her entire world in two halves. One half in this incredible, complicated and insatiable woman, standing before her. The other half just one shade lighter and resting in a daughter so brave and thoughtful. Lexa had a shred of doubt. An unwanted seed creeping up her spine and into her head, settling in that moment. The one that told her that 'not yet' meant never. That Lexa would never be able to call Clarke hers.

But as soon as the doubt crept in, Clarke's mouth swept it away tenderly. Cupping Lexa's face she pulled away, resting forehead to forehead and looking up at Lexa through her lashes, “It's yet.”

- - - - - - - - - -

The feeling of coming home was overwhelming for Lexa, the intensity pricking tears behind her eyes. The feeling of Clarke's soft waist under her fingertips, the heaviness to Clarke's breasts as she cupped them, the slickness of Clarke's skin as their bodies brushed. Clarke's scent, fresh and sweet and if bottled, worth a fortune, Lexa was sure.

She loved Clarke's scent. It was something so exciting, so uniquely Clarke and it always managed to dismantle Lexa. Wrapped around her, seeping into every pore and deliciously intertwining with her very soul. And the natural scent emanating from Clarke's skin wasn't the only pleasant smell Lexa had missed. Clarke's essence was filling the steam of the shower, saturating everything in it's wake until every breath Lexa took was tinged with the mouth watering aroma of Clarke's sex. It turned Lexa on beyond belief, her want to just hoist Clarke against the shower wall, thrust her fingers deep and fuck the blonde into next week, strong. But Lexa resisted for the heaviness between them. The intensity in their loaded connection, eye contact seemingly never ending as the reality of what this was, what it meant settled in.

Everything was stripped back, pretenses forgotten and leaving them more vulnerable, more naked than any of their previous encounters had. And because of that, every touch felt all the more intimate. The familiarity between them took on something else, something new and exciting. It was thrilling, consuming and felt better than Lexa's wildest dreams.

And Clarke, Clarke was just as effected. Lexa could tell by Clarke's heavy gaze, drowning in hers from beneath long eyelashes. By Clarke's parted lips, letting out lengthy pants that accentuated the swell of her chest, by the subtle shaking in Clarke's hands as her palms smoothed over Lexa's ribs, fingers digging into the skin.

It wasn't long before Clarke's eyebrows pinched, a serious expression adorning the curves and slants of her face and her eyes swimming with such love and intensity that it sent a shiver down Lexa's spine and Clarke's hand cupping the back of her neck and pulling their lips together in a heady clash that had them both panting sighs of relief into each other's mouths. Lexa's arms were around Clarke's waist in an instant, the soapy skin of Clarke's sides letting Lexa's arms glide. Lexa ignored the lone tear that was sliding down her cheek in favor of tugging Clarke closer, of pressing their lips harder in slanted, open mouthed kisses that were both not enough yet getting too much at the same time.

Clarke met Lexa's pace with a fierceness of her own, her tongue coming into play and, first swiping against Lexa's teeth before delving deeper, seeking out Lexa's and dragging roughly against the underside of the wet muscle . The deliciously slippery press of their bodies only heightening their pleasure. And Lexa couldn't hold back the needy groan that Clarke swallowed when Clarke's hardened nipples dragged across the undersides of Lexa's breasts. Lexa's hands slid down, as Clarke's arms tightened around her neck, her fingers spreading over the plump swell of Clarke's ass. She'd never been more thankful for her long fingers when they grazed lower, their reach allowing her to feel the sticky wetness between Clarke's legs as they spread for her automatically, an action that made her burn with need as she pressed further. Two fingertips pressing through the slick to just be inside, even if it was only to the first knuckle of her fingers.

The throaty whimper that Clarke let out at the intrusion had Lexa sinking to her knees. With her hands resting on the outside of Clarke's thighs, Lexa gazed up at the goddess above her, giving herself the time to take Clarke in properly. Clarke's heated gaze boring into their own. Ragged breaths coming from between parted, thoroughly kissed lips. Blonde locks, wet and sticking awkwardly round the blonde's face but somehow making her look even more angelic. Lexa's eyes travelled down, passed Clarke's slender neck, over the roundness of Clarke's natural breasts, Clarke's pink nipples, straining in anticipation. Lexa's gaze travelled even further, down the soft plain of Clarke's stomach, along quivering thighs until she reached the affix.

Clarke was always neat and ready to receive, she kept her situation beautifully situated at all times and it was always a turn on for Lexa. The neatly trimmed patch of hair was aesthetically pleasing, as were the glistening, pouting lips under it. The magnetic pull was too much for Lexa to resist anymore, the temptation too great and her taste buds salivating until she pressed her open mouth to Clarke, swiping her tongue greedily. Clarke's back hit the wall in an instant, hands spread against the tile at her sides. A whimper leaving her mouth when Lexa didn't tease her, instead lapping hungrily through Clarke's folds and swallowing all the essence she could procure from her claimed treasure.

Lexa couldn't get enough, once Clarke's taste was coating her tongue she realized just how much she'd missed this. How much she enjoyed pleasuring Clarke this way. There was something primal about it, she didn't just want to taste Clarke, she wanted to claim her, she wanted Clarke to be hers. Whether or not she could eat her way to that ownership didn't matter. But the feelings spurred her on considerably.

She shuffled her way between Clarke's thighs, and in one, swift move Clarke was on her shoulders and gasping in surprise. Lexa, face more fully burrowed into the wetness in front of her, barely felt Clarke's full weight as she delved deep, eating Clarke's essence messily and taking full advantage of the new position spreading Clarke more open in front of her face. A raspy moan bounced off the shower wall and into Lexa's ears before shooting straight to her core. The slickness against her mouth making her groan in appreciation. The damp, soapy skin gliding against her own causing her whole body to come alight.

She sucked on the flesh available to her, paying little attention to Clarke's pleasure or Clarke's squirming as the blonde tried to find security in their new position. But soon enough, Clarke settled, content that she wouldn't fall and gave in to the assault of pleasure between her legs. Her head falling back onto the tile with a thunk as a long moan left her throat, filling the shower and echoing off the wall.

Lexa's punishing pace never let up as she fought through the ache of her hard working jaw. Instead of slowing, opening her mouth over Clarke in a brief rest for her bones and letting her tongue pick up the slack as it lashed hotly. Her hands, planted firmly on Clarke's ass, pulled the blonde towards her. Her face, first parting and then nuzzling further into Clarke's delicious essence and finding the mouth of it at the blonde's dripping entrance. Breathing might be difficult but Lexa didn't care. Her mind was only on one thing: the depth of her tongue in it's quest to find a gush of Clarke's unique honey.

Her tongue swiped in a frenzy, darting passed Clarke's entrance to taste her insides, accidentally flicking over Clarke's back entrance on a particularly rough thrust, making the blonde yelp in surprise. But the idea had already formed in Lexa's mind as her head ducked lower and her mouth latched onto a new hole, tongue swirling against the tight ring of muscle.

“No, I-” Clarke squirmed, struggling to find purchase and ending up with her fingers weaved through brunette locks but a second later she cried out as the tip of Lexa's tongue penetrated where it hadn't explored before, “Oh.”

Lexa had never had that much interest in this before. She wasn't opposed to it, it just wasn't something she thought she'd enjoy as much as the other things she liked to do. But as Clarke's tightness squeezed around her tongue she wanted nothing more than to be deeper inside Clarke's neglected hole.

She swept her fingers back, putting them into play alongside her tongue. Circling the ring with the tips of her fingers while her tongue laved. She could tell that Clarke's earlier protests were long forgotten as she tasted the spill of fresh cunt milk dripping from her empty, swollen innards and flooding where Lexa's tongue was at work.

It only added to Lexa's excitement, spurring her on to do what she had been fantasizing about for the last few minutes, ever since the idea had popped into her head. So she started pressing a finger to the tight hole, watching wide eyed as the muscle fought against the intrusion. And then all at once, her finger slipped inside, swallowed by the clamping ring as Clarke let out a hiss.

It was Clarke that got impatient with Lexa's immobilized staring and it was an image beyond Lexa's wildest dreams when Clarke started to roll her hips into Lexa's digit, taking more inside as she went. Clarke's movements where limited due to their position but it didn't stop Clarke from whimpering as her roll pressed Lexa's finger against the walls of her not-so-roomy back passage. Lexa's fingers slick inside thanks to the abundance of leaked juices as it entered.

Eventually Lexa broke out of her stupor, thrusting her finger forward and her mouth falling open when she became knuckle deep. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she groaned, latching her lips over Clarke's previously forgotten clit and giving it a sharp, wet suck.

“Fuck!”

Clarke's cry came unexpectedly quick. The blondes thighs tightening as they quivered around Lexa's ears, Clarke's ass clenching at the intrusion of Lexa's long finger as the blonde's back straightened and her come soaked Lexa's chin.

Lexa couldn't help the grin from breaking out onto her face as she helped Clarke ride out her ongoing waves of pleasure, chest heaving, legs shaking and curses being dragging from her raw throat as she rocked her convulsing sex against Lexa's slick face and welcoming mouth.

By the time Clarke had recovered, looking down at Lexa with rosy cheeks, droopy eyes, and an impressed and amused expression on her face, Lexa was busy cleaning Clarke gently with her tongue, getting every last drop of the reward she’d worked so hard for.

When Lexa pulled her face up, Clarke chuckled, fingers detangling from Lexa’s hair in order to swipe some of the liquid from Lexa’s chin with her thumb.

“You’re a mess”, Clarke chuckled again, the noise breathy before she sucked her thumb into her mouth- the movement being tracked by Lexa’s dark eyes, “That was some pretty enthusiastic pussy eating, babe.”

Lexa nodded her agreement, a pout forming on her lips as her sticky cheek rubbed against Clarke’s smooth thigh, “I’ve been starved.”

“From what?” Clarke giggled, eyebrows raising.

Lexa’s face lowered once again as she placed a humming kiss against Clarke’s sensitive clit, making the blonde shiver, “You."

And although there was absolutely nothing funny about it, Clarke giggled anyway. “Well, I might have to starve you on a more regular basis if it means turning you into a competitive eater.”

The teasing lilt to Clarke’s tone made Lexa feel fuzzy inside, but her words made Lexa’s pout deepen. She shucked Clarke from her shoulders quickly and caught her around the waist, sitting Clarke on her spread knees and ignoring the blonde’s squeal of protest at getting man handled.

“Mine,” she growled into Clarke’s neck, holding the blonde close.

Clarke’s giggling only came back doubled. With her arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck and legs wrapped around her waist, she leant back in Lexa’s embrace, eyes dancing across Lexa’s face. Clarke was claiming Lexa’s mouth a moment later, lips pressed softly and Clarke’s tongue swiping lazily at the leftover taste in Lexa’s mouth.

The next time Clarke pulled back it was with her bottom lip between her teeth and a naughty glint in her eye, “My turn.”

The words sent heat straight to Lexa’s core but she tugged Clarke closer, nosing at the ample cleavage she hadn’t paid nearly enough attention to yet, “I want another turn.”

“I think you’ve had me plenty,” Clarke teased, raising an eyebrow knowingly as she leant forward, effectively pushing Lexa backwards and forcing Lexa to straighten her legs.

Once Lexa’s back hit the floor, the new position allowed the stream of water from the showerhead to jet hotly where their hips rested, misdirected spray covering Clarke’s back and damping her blonde locks. Lexa swallowed in anticipation at the sight. Clarke was an absolute beauty, a goddess to Lexa and seeing her this way just impressed Lexa even more.

But she only had a brief moment to take it in before Clarke’s hot mouth was on her neck, skilled fingers tweaking a nipple and straddling hips started rocking. This wasn’t going to take long, she was too pent up from servicing Clarke to last and every time her mind wandered to the feeling of Clarke’s rear entrance grabbing at her finger, she felt herself get wetter between her thighs.

Her hands grabbed at Clarke’s hips when the blonde started descending, halting her in her movements until blue eyes connected with hers in question.

“I want you close,” Lexa cooed out in a whisper, fingers flexing in apology against skin.

Clarke nodded in understanding, giving up her descent and settling on top of Lexa as her tongue traced the sharpness of Lexa’s jaw. Her fingers still busy teasing a nipple with such skilled fingers that the movements had Lexa arching into her hand.

Just when the pleasure became too much, Clarke switched it up. Fingers tracing light patterns into Lexa’s abs as they journeyed south, teeth nipping at the hinge of Lexa’s jaw. Lexa’s stomach muscles were tense, twitching under Clarke’s ministrations and giving away just how coiled she really was.

Clarke let out a sultry sounding hum of approval into her ear when her fingers finally met Lexa and found her a slick, wanton mess. And Clarke wasted no time in dragging two fingers through the slippery folds. Her touch, barely there, yet enough to have Lexa panting as her thighs fell open in accommodation.

Clarke’s fingers circled Lexa’s clit lazily, the moisture they’d gathered making their swipe deliciously silky, but not enough. Lexa cried out at the agony, being so ridiculously turned on and having Clarke almost exactly where she needed her was too much.

Clarke paid her pleas no mind, continuing her slow pace as if she had all the time in the world. Her blue gaze watching every detail of Lexa’s expression as she teased.

Just as Lexa let out a whine of protest, considering taking matters into her own hands just to end this torture, two fingers split her wide. Spearing into her unprepared cunt, the burn against her sensitive walls filling her oh so completely and forcing the air out of her lungs. Clarke’s husky voice in her ear only adding to the unexpected but extremely appreciated intrusion.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting to be inside you again?”

Lexa shook her head, green drowning in blue for stability, gritting her teeth and whimpering desperately as Clarke’s fingers curled inside her.

“Fuck, Lexa,” Clarke groaned, “So tight, is all that wetness just for me?”

The words made Lexa moan, body buzzing from the electric atmosphere as she bared down against Clarke’s fingers, trying to take them deeper.

“Yours,” she managed to gasp out although the word ended in a whimper as Clarke’s fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot.

“That’s right,” Clarke purred, lips rubbing against Lexa’s ear, “All mine.”

Lexa nodded frantically, nails digging into Clarke’s shoulders as Clarke’s thrusts started short and deep. The blonde’s hand banging into and scraping deliciously against her clit on every push.

Lexa was close before Clarke was even toughing her and now, with Clarke’s hot mouth reattached to her neck, sucking at her pulse point, Clarke’s wet and soap slick body pressed against her, Clarke’s fingers deep and stroking places that Lexa didn’t even know existed, she was overstimulated.

She felt the burn in her lower belly, the tensing of her walls and the throbbing of her clit. All tell tale signs that she was close and she could tell it was going to be earth shattering. Her sex begged for more, throbbing and weeping with need around Clarke’s digits.

She felt overwhelmed at the all-consuming build, at the intensity. She didn’t think she’d ever had a climax as big as this one felt like it was going to be. And the intense feelings struck a chord, plucked at some integral part of her that had her choking back a sob.

But Clarke was there to catch her, kissing away the tears before they fell and sweeping the damp, clinging hair back from her face as the shower mist surrounded them. Having Clarke there, really there with her in that moment was everything to Lexa. And with Clarke’s words of encouragement, she gave over to her rapidly building pleasure.

“Come for me Lex. I’ve got you, baby.”

And earth shattering it was. Rolling waves build to peak upon peak of pleasure taking her higher than she’d ever been before. Connected to Clarke so intimately, so intensely that everything disappeared but blue eyes. She wasn’t sure how long it lasted, all she was sure of was that every time she felt her pleasure subside another wave crashed through her, pulling her back into bliss as her body shook and Clarke was with her through it all, something to hold onto, coaxing her through every new pleasure high with soft kisses and a steady hand.

Spent.

She was thoroughly, truly, completely, utterly, spent. It was the only word her foggy brain could grasp as she sighed gently, stretching her legs out to relieve her aching muscles. She couldn’t bear not think about Clarke’s back, more than certain that she’d scratched imperfections into otherwise unmarred skin.

But Clarke didn’t seem to mind. Instead, the blonde was looking at her like she was something precious. Her hands gentle as they caressed any and all of the overheated skin in her path.

If this was what making love felt like, she was glad that her first time was with someone she loved so completely.

“C’mon,” Clarke’s voice broke her out of her trance as Clarke’s head tipped to the side, smile kind and eyes brimming with love, “I’ll let you soap me up.”

Lexa chuckled, the sound raw and unfamiliar as her overused voice box groaned in protest. But when Clarke scooted back, offering her a helping hand to get up, Lexa would never resist.

Once on her feet, the haze of sex slowly began to dissipate and the heaviness of their current predicament came back at full force. Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, a futile attempt to hold on to what they had in the moment rather that give way to reality. But reality won over.

With Clarke's tendency to run away at the forefront of her mind, Lexa took a deep breath. This was Clarke's information to have. So she pushed forwards, hands tightening on Clarke's hips as some attempt to keep the blonde close, even if she knew that it would be futile if Clarke needed some space.

“We still need to talk,” Lexa said, words quiet and somewhat tentative to even approach the subject.

Clarke's head tipped towards her, Clarke's smile only faltering for a second before her words came out with an extra, sex induced rasp, “Babe, you were just eating my cunt, could you maybe wait until I can stand up straight?”

Even though Clarke's wording was crude, Lexa got the message. Clarke wasn't ready to have a conversation that was going to hurt her. Clarke needed a little time to just be. And yes, it was Clarke's information to have but it was also Clarke's decision when hear it. So Lexa nodded dutifully, reaching for the shampoo bottle and pressing what she hoped to be a reassuring kiss to Clarke's cheek. A smile on her face that wasn't all to difficult to form.

“Let me wash your hair.”

Clarke's smile widened, stepping closer into Lexa's space to wind her arms around Lexa's waist, “You take such good care of me.”

- - - - - - - - - -

She tailed Anya through the vegetable isle, feet dragging and a sour look on her face. She blamed Anya. But she didn't really. They were both to blame for getting kicked out of the house after breakfast. Madi had been more than proud of her creation, scrambled eggs with a side of bacon and sausages. But it seemed that the Woods sisters were far too immature to not make crude sausage jokes throughout the family meal. Anya's starting comment of 'Isn't this household a little too sapphic for sausage?' had only started a tirade of penis related humor between the sisters until Clarke – after an 'I'm sure blondie could eat two sausages at once if she tried her best' – finally had enough and kicked them out of the house in the pretense of needing some things from the store. It was no surprise really. No, the only surprise was that Raven didn't join in with their juvenile antics and actually behaved herself.

Still, Lexa was grumpy. Annoyed to be forced away from what she was sure would've been a perfect afternoon of toddler cuddles and stolen, adult kisses with her two favorite people in the world. Instead, she was stuck with her stupid sister, looking for tampons and snacks even though she was more than sure that Clarke wasn't due anytime soon and there was definitely a full cupboard of junk food at home.

Anya, picking up on her sister's mood, rolled her eyes with a groan, “Jesus, would you stop pouting? You can't seriously have withdrawal symptoms, Clarke's pussy can't be that good.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose, showing her distaste for her sister's tactless comment, “Don't be gross, Ahn.”

“I'm just saying,” Anya grumbled unapologetically, “You've been away from her for two minutes and you're acting like someone kicked your puppy.”

Letting out a huff, Lexa deflated because Anya was right. She was being ridiculous. She could survive without Clarke, it was just that, “Everything is just better with Clarke though. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, it's better when she's around.”

“I know. You're a big gay and you want to follow Clarke around like she's your rainbow unicorn but knock it off, you're driving me nuts.”

“She's my...what?” Lexa recoiled in confusion, watching as Anya shoved several different types of cookies into their cart which she was sure weren't on Clarke's list, “What the hell is a rainbow unicorn?”

“I'm just saying, your relationship is hella gay,” Anya turned to her, pointing a roll of chocolate chip cookies at her to exaggerate her point before the packet also ended up in their cart.

“Of course it's gay!” Lexa argued, “We're both women, surely you understand anatomy by now? Or do I need to call mom up so she can have that chat with us again?”

Lexa was prepared for it, but still had to stifle a giggle when a shiver of disgust ran through Anya, “God no, it was traumatic enough the first time and I've never been able to look at a zucchini the same way again.”

Lexa nodded sympathetically, the horrors of that chat were things only her and Anya could understand, being the only two on the receiving end. Although, she bet Aden's 'birds and the bees' talk was somewhat similar and just as humiliating.

“Your relationship goes beyond though,” Anya carried on, marching her way through the isles as if she owned the place and leaving Lexa behind to scurry after her, “If I knew it'd be this gay then I never would've endorsed it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Lexa grumbled, sarcasm evident, “And how is your decidedly less gay relationship with Raven going?”

“Great,” Anya smiled and Lexa almost mocked her for such a dopey look coming over her face at just the mention of Raven but Anya knew it was coming and shot a warning glance at Lexa before she could open her mouth, “But it's always been great. You and Clarke on the other hand...how is it finally getting your dream girl?”

Lexa smirked, retort ready and waiting, “It's nice.”

It took Anya a second to catch on to the jab at how much fuss she'd made last time Lexa described something – her relationship with Costia- as 'nice' but as soon as she did, a loaf of bread was hurled Lexa's way, narrowly missing her face, “You're such a pain in the ass, squid. Seriously, I don't know why Indra and Gus even adopted you.”

Lexa stuck her tongue out, picking up the fallen bread and neatly tucking it back onto the shelf were it belonged, “Well they tried to have their own but the first one was so crap they didn't want to risk using their DNA again so...”

It only took Anya a moment to lunge but Lexa was ready for it, taking off down the isle with a chuckle and letting Anya scurry after her for a change. Both of them ignoring the disapproving stares from the staff and a few nosy shoppers because how dare they get up to such nonsense in the bakery isle.

Darting left, Lexa came face to face with the wide variety of feminine hygiene products that the store supplied, something that most definitely was on their list. Anya caught up with her, looking less annoyed and more amused as she eyed the list in her hand.

“She wants three boxes? Does your girlfriend have a heavy flow?”

Lexa turned to her sister with wide eyes, gasping dramatically and mocking offence, “How dare you talk about a lady's flow! How ungentlemanly of you!”

“Whatever, just grab your girl her tampons so we can get out of here.”

A smile came to Lexa's face. Her girl, “Did you ever think we'd get this lucky, Anya?”

Anya tilted her head to look at Lexa in question.

“Who would've thought we'd get such amazing women?” Lexa continued in explanation.

A soft smile came to Anya's lips, followed shortly by amusement and a teasing tone, “Well...I knew I would, I just didn't know about you.”

In the second it took for her words to land, Anya had turned around, high tailing it towards the checkout counter and away from her less than impressed sister and Lexa was left to run after her, waving Clarke's box of tampons as she went, “Hey!”

It was while they were walking the short rout home that Lexa spotted a sign. It was a shabby looking A-board with worn paint and a wooden frame that had clearly seen better days but it read words that lit Lexa up like a Christmas tree. Second Hand Bookstore. After a pleading look to her sister, Anya had rolled her eyes with a nod, knowing what a sucker Lexa was for old books.

The store itself was quaint, tucked around a corner and out of sight from the way Lexa usually walked. It was no wonder why she hadn't seen it before but the moment she entered, it put a smile on her face. From the small space the store occupied to the lazy teenager at the counter, clearly more interested in their phone than their customers, it was a humble establishment. But it was full of character. Interesting art, a tiny reading nook that held a little and worn looking couch, a coffee pot steaming on the other side of the counter and creating a delicious scent of roasted coffee beans mixed with old books.

“Welcome to Little Tales, how can I help you?” Came the bored drawl of the uninterested teenager.

Lexa opened her mouth to reply when something caught her eye. Drawn to it like a moth to a flame, a grin spread on Lexa's face. Knowing that 'Little Tales' had just made a customer out of her.

- - - - - - - - - -

Once home, Lexa wasn't surprised that Anya dumped their shopping on the counter and headed for the stairs, presumably to seek out Raven. But Lexa didn't mind, she was more than happy to indulge herself in her own little world. Clarke in one of her comfy hoodies, a sight that was so common now that Lexa barely noticed until she found one of her t-shirts stretched out in the chest department. Clarke, sitting on the floor with a sketch book resting on her upturned knee while Madi lay in front of her, drawing in the margin of Clarke's chemistry book. Falling into the space behind Clarke and circling her arms around the blonde's waist so that she could pull Clarke's back flush to her chest, she peered over Clarke's shoulder.

Clarke, not looking up from her sketch, simply raised an unimpressed eyebrow in such a mom move that it made Lexa grin from ear to ear, “Have you calmed down?”

Successfully scolded, Lexa nodded her head, Clarke's hair tickling her nose as it dipped into the join between the blonde's neck and shoulder, “I'm sorry.”

Clarke leant away slightly in an attempt not to get tickled by Lexa's breath on her sensitive neck, “And have you thought about your behavior?”

With another grin, Lexa pressed her mouth to Clarke's ear, letting her voice drop towards seductive as she lowered it to keep her words away from any little ears that might be listening, “I won't mention how well you handle my sausage again.”

Instead of the shiver of excitement Lexa was expecting to go through the blonde, Clarke shook with a laugh. Settling back against Lexa once again only to tip her sketchbook up and show Lexa her latest creation. A beautiful sketch of Madi, each line capturing the image of the little girl where she lay, head propped up by her hand and with droopy eyes focused on the book in front of her.

“What do you think?”

“It's beautiful, Clarke,” Lexa said without hesitation, “Can we frame it?”

Clarke just nodded, setting the sketchbook down near her outstretched leg and letting her hands fall to the arms wrapped around her middle as she leant back further to make eye contact, “Remember the first sketch I did of you?”

Lexa's smile widened thinking back to the pornographic sketch Clarke had done in her classroom, a sketch that made her cross her legs and think of tasting Clarke in front of the whole class, “How could I forget? It gave me very explicit dreams for a week.”

Clarke's lips turned up in a smirk, eyebrow raised teasingly, “That wasn't the only sketch I did of you, you know?”

Lexa's eyes fell to Clarke's mouth, following the dart of a wet tongue over a plump lip as her mind conjured up images of what else Clarke had possibly sketched, “You should show them to me.”

“Maybe I should.”

Blue met green, the air of sexual tension familiar between them now and it was nothing if not eye fucking. The atmosphere palpable as Lexa's thumb grazed the underside of Clarke's breast, their faces leaning in an automatic and magnetic pull. Yes, Lexa wanted to see the sketches. Wanted to see what depravities Clarke's mind had come up with and put on paper before they were even a thing. More than that, Lexa wanted to re-enact whatever sinful situations the sketches held.

A little sneeze pulled them from their haze, both of them blinking heavily and being reminded that they were in the presence of an impressionable, albeit sleepy toddler.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Lexa grabbed the paper bag that had fallen to her side when she sat down, biting her lip and a blush running from her chest to her ears as she turned nervous of her gift, “I got something for Madi, I hope you don't mind.”

Clarke's eyes fell to the package, her mouth forming a small O, “You never have to ask me to buy her stuff.”

The words were spoken gently, blue meeting green and a reassurance within them. An acceptance that Lexa was apart of Madi's life too. That Clarke wanted her to be. And that only made her blush deepen.

“Madi, come sit with me,” Clarke held her hand out to her daughter, “Lexa brought you a present.”

Madi, previously uninterested, perked up at the notion of a gift. Shuffling over on her knees while she rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands, eventually settling onto her mother's outstretched thigh and regarding the parcel carefully. Clarke helped her, slowly pulling back the crumpled, protective paper. And Lexa watched as the cover of the book was revealed.

It was an old copy, yes. Definitely loved by it's previous owner(s) but it was still in good condition. It was a hardback copy, one with beautiful sketches and gold lettering on the front of a worn, black cover. Lexa couldn't help the tears springing to her eyes as she watched Madi's eyes widen in interest and Clarke's mouth drop open.

“Wassit, mommy?” Madi mumbled, even the excitement of her new book not hiding the tiredness evident in her voice.

“Black Beauty,” Clarke breathed out.

“It's...I just thought,” Lexa swallowed, trying to get a hold of her nerves, “Your dad gave you your Alice, mine gave me my Black Beauty but it got destroyed and-”

“Lexa,” Clarke cut her off, eyes shining and boring into hers, “It's perfect.”

The weight lifted from Lexa's shoulders immediately, all nerves gone and replaced by happiness. Secure in the knowledge that Clarke understood. Understood what this meant, that this was meaningful to Lexa and it seemed to be just as meaningful to Clarke. It wasn't just that both of their dad's had given them meaningful books as children, it wasn't just the implications of Lexa taking on a parental role. It also held the meaning of their relationship starting, of the moment that they began to mean something to each other after opening up about their treasured copies of their respective books.

“It'll mean even more to her that it came from you.”

Clarke's whispered words were everything to Lexa and Lexa couldn't resist her urge to sweep Clarke into a breathy kiss. Only pulling away when they heard the amused giggle of the toddler who was watching them with curiosity but their eye contact never broke.

Their next wake up call, however, was less than pleasant.

“Clarke?” Raven appeared at the bottom of the stairs, expression worried and face pale, “I just got off the phone with the police, Finn was arrested, he was selling for Wick and...Clarke, Finn...Finn released the tape.”

Chapter Text

37. The Plan