Chapter Text
35. Mountains
A stillness seemed to have settled within Lexa once she'd picked Madi up and was driving back home with the still sleepy toddler gently humming to herself in her car seat. A contentment that hadn't been a usual occurrence in Lexa's life for a little while now. She wondered if it was because of the revelations over the passed few days or because of Marcus saying that she could keep Madi for a few weeks and they would be talking about adoption within that time, that maybe this would be the last time that Lexa would be picking Madi up from his house.
It was an elating thought but it also filled her with guilt. She hadn't shared her plans for adoption with Clarke yet. Nor was she intending to, not if Clarke could get Madi back. And that's exactly why Lexa had called Ryder on her way to pick up the toddler. Ryder McCarthy was a friend to the Woods family, he'd gone to college with Gustus and they'd been close friends ever since. He also happened to be a very accomplished lawyer, one that Lexa's family used for any and all legal cases they faced. Including this one. Lexa had called Ryder as soon as she left her bed, asking him to look into the custody case of Madi Griffin. If anyone was going to be able to help her get Madi back for Clarke then it was Ryder. She just had to wait for him to gather some intel and look into things.
When she got home, after extracting Madi from her car seat and trying not to laugh at the toddler's heavy eyes and lazy smile, Lexa assumed that Clarke must still be in her bed after not seeing the blonde downstairs. So they made their way up, Madi using Lexa's hands for support as she slowly navigated the mountain-like stair case like a 'big girl'. Shooting a triumphant smile towards Lexa once she reached the top that said 'I told you so' more than anything else and Lexa led the humble toddler to her room.
Clarke was exactly where Lexa had left her, dozing peacefully in bed and looking nothing but angelic. Upon seeing her mother, Madi's smile turned toothy as she held her hands up in hopes of being deposited on the bed, which Lexa was only to happy to oblige. And Lexa watched as Madi made her way up the bed, mostly on two feet but hands coming in to play every now and again when she stumbled and using them to right herself. With minimal effort, Madi made it to her destination and with no hesitation let her little body fall directly onto Clarke's chest.
Blue eyes shot open in surprise but softened as soon as they fell upon the source of their wake up call. Lexa doubted that Clarke minded. Lexa thought that for Clarke, this was the best wake up call she could possibly ever have, in fact.
Madi, pulling herself up into a sitting position on Clarke's chest as Clarke's hands fell to her sides, smiled brightly, “Lessa brought me back.”
Clarke's expression softened more at the proud statement, giving Lexa a thankful glance before her attention was once again on Madi, “I can see that, baby.”
Madi gave her mother an exaggerated nod, hands coming to Clarke's cheeks when the blonde blew them out - going cross eyed in the process – and patting said cheeks with a little more force than necessary until they were deflating with a rude sound coming from between the blonde's lips. Something that Madi found ridiculously funny as she shook with giggles.
It was a heart warming moment for Lexa and it made her think about a life like this, made her mind go to spending every morning like this. She could watch Clarke mothering for the rest of her life and she'd be happy doing just that.
As Madi settled comfortably on her mother's chest, cheek pressing into the skin she found there and eyelashes fluttering, Lexa raised a knowing eyebrow, “Are you two going to fall back to sleep?”
Two sets of equally sleepy eyes met her as their owners shook their heads no. But Madi was already drifting off, fingers wound into the golden locks of her mother's hair and Clarke was fairing no better. Clarke looked more peaceful than ever with her daughter snuggled tightly against her naked chest and her lazy eyes barely grazed Lexa before her eyelids were falling. Lexa let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head before she decided to leave them to it. She didn't know exactly how long it'd been since the pair had been able to share a moment like this but maybe it was exactly what they both needed. And Lexa could do with a run to clear her head too.
- - - - - - - - - -
Her feet led her without much thought to a familiar track. She was halfway up it before she realized that this was the same track that held a place that meant something. Not to her but to Madi. She'd visited this track with the toddler a few times and each had led them to a bench that was surrounded in wild flowers. A place that Clarke had brought Madi before her. It was fitting that Lexa would end up here, it made her smile.
A run was exactly what she needed to get her thoughts in order. She'd need it to get though the day until Ryder got back to her, whenever that may be. She knew that Ryder wouldn't take long but it would still be a day or two yet. And no doubt it would be an emotional day, a happy one but emotional nonetheless.
She thought about the night before. More specifically about Clarke needing her. There was a part of her that felt guilty for giving in. To temptation? To desire? No, it wasn't like that. It wasn't about lust and the moment had hardly been erotically charged. It was pure desperation. Desperation to be that vulnerable, that connected after such monumental revelations. She just hoped that Clarke saw it the same way she did. That it had been more about nakedness and intimacy than sex. She would hardly even consider it as sex. To her it was a bond and nothing else. And although Clarke was beyond complicated – although, getting less complicated by the day – Lexa believed that her and Clarke were on the same page.
She thought about Clarke sobbing afterwards. About Clarke's tears starting during their intimacy and turning into sobs by the time it was over. About Clarke breaking in her arms. But more than that, Lexa thought about Clarke still having the courage to be open with her afterwards. It was an incredibly satisfying change of pace. She knew how much it took for Clarke to get there with someone, to get to a place that she could stay open and vulnerable. She knew because she'd worked hard to get there, to be that person. And it paid off. And it made Lexa fall in love with Clarke all over again.
She thought abut the woman who she now knew to be Abby Griffin. Marrying up the two sides of Abby – Clarke's mom and Madi's grandmother – hadn't been an easy task. Both sides equally vile but adding them together meant creating some sort of a heartless monster. Someone straight out of a Grimm Brothers story. Only it wasn't a story, it was a reality that Clarke and Madi had to live with. The most unsettling fact yet being that Abby tried to force Clarke into having an abortion. Lexa had to force her mind away from the thought of what might have happened if Clarke wasn't as far along in her pregnancy at that point.
She thought about Madi's dad. It took her a bit of thought to wrap her head around the agreement that Clarke and him shared. Clarke got Madi, indefinitely and without argument and Madi's father got to remain anonymous. It seemed simple, it seemed mess free. Only what happened later? Madi was surely going to be curious one day but Clarke had made it clear that part of the agreement was for her – and in extension, Madi – to never contact him again. He wasn't even on the little girl's birth certificate. Yet that wouldn't stop Madi's questions. One day she would want to know about the unknown fifty percent of her biology. And Clarke would have to tell her something. Lexa just wondered what that something would be.
Most of all she thought about Clarke and Madi's relationship. How beautiful it was to see them together. She felt beyond lucky to be included in that. To be able to watch it. Around Clarke, Madi was the happiest Lexa had ever seen her. Still quiet, stoic and reserved, those things were just in Madi's make up but so much more care free. So much happier. And Clarke was too. Lexa had come close to seeing Clarke relaxed and happy but never so much as she was in the presence of her daughter.
She could hear them chatting gently to each other when she made it back to her room and she walked in to find them both in a state of undress. Clarke didn't seem to have moved except to prop herself up on Lexa's pillows but Madi seemed to have rid herself of some clothes, leaving only her black leggings on as she straddled her mother's nude stomach. Madi concentrated fully on her task as she drew something into the skin between Clarke's breasts with a felt tipped pen and Clarke watched the toddler with a soft expression as she ran her fingers through soft but wild, brunette curls.
Lexa couldn't help but to grin at the scene. Her grin only widening when equally blue eyes fixed on her as she entered the room and she was sent happy smiles from the mother and daughter duo. Lexa fell back onto the bed happily next to Clarke, earning herself a light giggle from the toddler and a wrinkled nose from the blonde.
“You stink,” Clarke eyed her, pulling a displeased face.
“I went for a run,” Lexa rolled her eyes fondly before her attention fixed on Madi, “What are you drawing?”
Madi, expression showing slight annoyance at being pulled from her concentration, glanced up at Lexa, “Flower.”
Lexa nodded her head at the simple statement, not letting her eyes linger on an exposed breast for too long before she found the drawing between them. It was, indeed, a flower. A flower with big petals and a smiley face on it's pistol, it's petals only half colored in, “So you are. It's very pretty.”
Madi observed her work for half a second before nodding firmly in agreement.
Lexa's attention turned to Clarke who was watching the exchange with a half amused smile, making Lexa chuckle, “Are either of you hungry?”
Clarke's smile widened, eyes sparkling and she dropped her head onto Lexa's shoulder before her gazed fell back onto Madi, “What do you want to eat?”
Madi's attention, once again inconveniently pulled from her art work, studied her mother carefully. Her lips forming a pout of concentration before an idea struck her and her eyes lit up, her hands pressing into the flesh of her mother's chest, “Milk.”
Lexa eyes widened, a blush running up her neck. She glanced at Clarke but Clarke only giggled in amusement, picking her head up from Lexa's shoulder to shake it, “I don't have any, it's all gone.”
Madi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she searched her mother for inaccuracy, tone wary, “Why?”
Clarke pursed her lips in an obvious attempt to hold back her laughter, especially as Lexa turned even redder, “You drank it all when you were a little baby.”
It was Madi's turn for her eyes to widen, her mouth forming an O at the shocking revelation. For a moment her attention switched to Lexa, as if wanting a second opinion but with Lexa's nod of confirmation, Madi's expression shifted, “Sorry.”
“That's quite alright,” Clarke said, tone teasing as she tickled the little girl's belly, pulling a giggle from her. She pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek and scooped Madi into her arms, narrowly avoiding the tightly clutched felt tip from making contact with her face, “You take a shower, we'll see what we're working with for breakfast.”
Lexa could only nod, a dumbfounded smile on her face.
- - - - - - - - - -
Coming downstairs to find Raven in the kitchen - spatula in hand and making food - while Madi sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar - feet dangling and barely seeing over the counter – made Lexa's chest fill with warmth. Madi was here. Madi was at home with her. And her mom. And her auntie Rae. And there was something perfect about that. Something right.
“I wanna stay here forever with mommy and Lessa,” Madi chirped, eyes glued to Raven as she waved the spatula around in a successful attempt to make the toddler giggle.
“Mommy's tryna make that happen, munchkin,” Raven replied, “What do you drink nowadays? Neat vodka like mommy or do you need a mixer?”
Lexa scoffed in amusement, shooting Raven a scolding look when the brunette turned to her. Lexa shook her head, making her way over and sitting on the spare seat. Automatically letting a hand settle on Madi's back to support the toddler, “Please, if anything she's a whiskey girl.”
“Whiskey, eh?” Raven eyed the toddler, wrinkling her nose in disagreement, “I'll tell you what, how about I make you my very own cocktail?”
Madi sat up straighter in her seat. Obviously enthusiastic about being included in the exclusivity of Raven's very own cocktail, “Wassit called?”
Raven leant in closer, keeping her voice low and secretive, “Rocketfuel.”
Madi's eyes widened further as she nodded, expression turning serious as she mimicked Raven and leant closer, “I won't tell.”
“Atta girl,” Raven grinned, tapping the tip of Madi's nose with her finger before pulling away to fix Madi a drink – obviously not actually a 'Rocketfuel' but she was sure that Raven would make it colorful.
Madi turned to Lexa, little hand tugging on Lexa's to get her attention, “Lessa, go get my mommy?”
Lexa smiled, leaning down to press her nose into Madi's hair and planting a loud kiss on the toddler's cheek, “Of course.”
She was thankful to be sent on Madi's mission, to recover and return her mother. It would give her a chance to check in with Clarke. To see how Clarke was doing. Having Madi here felt like she was in a dream, a dream that she never wanted to wake up from. It felt too good to be true and maybe that's why there were little doubts creeping up, worries that things wouldn't go smoothly. Worries that somehow Abby would win. She could only imagine that for Clarke it was even worse.
She walked into Clarke's room as Clarke walked out of her bathroom, dressed in jean shorts and a white, cotton shirt and towel drying her damp hair. Clarke smiled when she saw her, pausing near the foot of her bed, “Hey.”
Lexa took a breath, her own smile wide as she pulled the towel from Clarke's hands and deposited it on the bed behind the blonde before she slid her arms around Clarke's waist, “Hi.”
Clarke put her own arms around Lexa's neck, using her tiptoes to close the hardly there difference in their heights in order to press their lips together, “How are you doing with all of this?”
Lexa's eyebrows rose at the question, arms tightening, “Shouldn't I be asking you that?”
Clarke rolled her eyes playfully, no doubt being reminded of a previous conversations they had shared, “I've got her so I'm happy,” Clarke shrugged like it was the most simple thing in the world. And it was, it really was, “And you...I have you too.”
Lexa nodded, “You do have me...which is good considering you love me and everything...”
“Shut up,” Clarke giggled, lightly pushing on Lexa's shoulders, “But it is good...and I do love you.”
“I love you too,” Lexa swooped down to claim Clarke's mouth with her own, only pulling back when Clarke's tongue came out to play. She rested her forehead against Clarke's, taking a moment to calm down.
“I love the way you kiss,” Clarke breathed out against her lips, eyes still shut and pulling Lexa closer.
A smile spread on Lexa's face, expression turning teasing as their eyes met, “What else do you love about me?”
Clarke's lips met Lexa's but only for a second, making Lexa chase the drag of them but Clarke only giggled, shaking her head, “I don't think you need anymore compliments.”
“C'mon,” Lexa chuckled, fingers digging into Clarke's sides and making her squeal, “I had to wade through a lot of bitch Clarke to get to this you so I deserve some more.”
Clarke's mouth fell open, amusement clouding her eyes. Shaking her head as she caught Lexa's mouth in a another kiss. This one a little more heated, a little more breathy as Clarke spoke between kisses, “You're. An. Asshole.”
Raven's voice eventually separated them, “Guys! I made breakfast muffins!”
After de-tangling themselves, Clarke led her out of the room by the hand.
“How's your pallet, anyway? Are you more lucky charms or mac and cheese?” Raven was asking Madi.
Madi frowned, even as Clarke scooped her up so that she could sit in Madi's chair while Lexa took the other one, “I want mommy's breakfast.”
“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “I'm pretty sure Lexa wants your mommy's muffin for breakfast, too.”
“Seriously?” Clarke snapped.
Raven only laughed, ignoring Clarke's icy glare as she set down their plates.
- - - - - - - - -
It was later that everything sank in. It was later that Lexa found some quiet to evaluate where her head was at with all of this. It'd been a lot. A lot to take in and such contrasting emotions. The whole week had been both the best and worst of her life for those very reasons. Going from emotionally devastated to elated on multiple occasions had been nothing but draining. She'd felt more heartbreak than she ever had before but she'd also felt happier than she'd ever thought possible.
The day had been uneventful but perfect. They'd spent it inside, being lazy and just enjoying the time together. They'd hardly made it out of Clarke's room since they'd retreated there after breakfast. Instead opting to watch Disney movies on Clarke's tablet and snuggle up in bed. Lexa was more than happy to be included in that, as was Raven. Anya, however, had other plans but would've been welcome too. And Madi had been the center of it all. Smiling and happy. Giggling whenever tickled, chatting whenever spoken to but more than happy to just snuggle up in her mother's arms or relaxing – in what seemed to be her favorite place – between her mother's legs.
They'd only really left Clarke's room for food. Not lunch, instead Lexa made them sandwiches which they ate in bed, a great idea until Raven got mustard on Clarke's pillow and was forced by the blonde – because even her toddler ate more carefully than that - to change the pillow case. For dinner making their way out to the kitchen when their pizza delivery had arrived because Raven had ruined eating in bed for Clarke, which meant they all had to suffer the consequences. Lexa took note of the fact that Madi barely had to be encouraged eat and that Clarke's encouragements were subtle. Lexa could only watch with nothing but pride.
Creative inspiration struck and Lexa took to her laptop while Clarke and Madi shared a bath in the evening. And it was half an hour before a squeal of 'Lessa' pulled her away from her work and into the bathroom to find her two favorite girls. The scene she found there made her heart flutter and clench with fullness, the smile on her face making her cheeks hurt from how wide it was. Clarke and Madi were both in the bath, Madi in her favorite spot between Clarke's legs and equally soaked as they giggled. Both of them sporting bubble beards and bubble hair which Madi was eager to show to her. And Clarke had looked at her with joy sparkling in those bright, blue eyes as she'd asked Lexa to take Madi. 'Take her while I finish up?' Clarke had asked and Lexa couldn't help but to feel like this was supposed to be forever.
She'd towel dried the giggling toddler gently, making sure to make her hair as dry as possible before she'd dressed her in soft pajamas while Clarke finished off. They were all ready for bed at the same time and Madi was growing sleepy when they finally laid down, Madi between them in Clarke's bed. Madi had made sure that they both kissed her goodnight and Lexa had felt like they were a real family.
The thought had been too much, too intrusive. She shouldn't be thinking of them like that, not unless Clarke wanted that too. But she couldn't afford to be presumptuous about it. Not now. Yes, Clarke and her were...something. But they didn't have a label, not one they'd spoken about. And yes, Lexa had a bond with Madi but that didn't give her the right to just become another parent to her no matter how much Lexa wanted it. It had to be up to Clarke. So she'd pulled away from the little family, ready to give them some – probably much needed – privacy and sleep in her own room when Clarke had stopped her with a hand on Lexa's arm and a look of confusion in her eye.
“I should go,” Lexa had said, tone quiet but forcing the sadness out of her voice because the last thing she wanted was for Clarke to feel guilty on her behalf, “You two need some time alone.”
Clarke's confusion only seemed to deepen as her eyes had searched Lexa's. But a second later understanding crept in and her expression evened out, softened as she gently shook her head, voice coming out in a whisper, “Stay.”
And in that moment, Lexa's whole world changed. Because it was Clarke accepting her into their family. It was Clarke telling her that they had a future. It was Clarke saying that Lexa belonged with them, that Lexa wasn't an intrusion but apart of them too. And all Lexa could do was fall back into bed, feeling grateful as Clarke's thumb swept away her tears of happiness.
She'd fallen asleep with her family in her arms. And woken up to them both fast asleep. Clarke on her back, mouth open and hair everywhere. Madi face down on Clarke's neck but sleeping sideways so her feet had managed to make their way into Lexa's armpit. It only took a second to realize that her phone was buzzing on the side.
She was quick to extract herself from the bed and sneak out of the room, not wanting to wake them. But she needed to answer this call, it was important. So she hit answer in the dimly lit kitchen, arms wrapping around herself with the cold bite to the late air.
“Hey?”
“Sorry it's late, Lexa. I'm still at the office.”
“No, it's fine,” Lexa shook her head, “Please tell me you've got something, Ryder.”
“I've looked into the case. Lexa...Clarke doesn't have a chance to gain custody at the hearing.”
“What?” Lexa's heart fell into her stomach. She knew it might be difficult, she'd prepared herself that it might not be that great but this? “She has no chance? What?”
“Abigail Griffin's case is too strong, they would never side with Clarke on this. First of all Abigail has a house, money, a job...she's raised a child before and Abigail has witnesses, testimonies all painting Clarke in a bad light...Clarke hasn't even had contact with the child in four months...not to mention the new evidence that Abigail submitted.”
As Lexa's heard sank further and further with each word spoken she barely heard the end of the sentence but it made her frown, “What new evidence?”
“Abigail submitted it a few days ago, are you aware of a tape that was made by a Kyle Wick?”