17 Works by fayre
Listing Works
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The only thing worse than being forgotten is being remembered at your worst. So that’s how Guan Shan chooses to remember him.
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They look at each other for a long moment; long enough to make He Tian regret poking a bear he’s only just discovered. There’s a strange anticipation in the air as if Guan Shan is waiting for him to push them off a precipice and into a familiar chasm, but it wouldn't be worth it.
They haven’t fought for weeks. And they did, for all intents and purposes, have an objectively good evening together. He Tian is on track to upheave all of that over a single word.
It’s warranted, a voice inside him says, quickly followed by: It’s selfish.
Series
- Part 2 of terra firma
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two Christmas-themed drabbles requested on tumblr: one about snowballs and bunny slopes, and the other about french toast and empty chairs at the table.
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It couldn’t have meant so little, stardust in the face of planets. It couldn’t have meant so little because, if it did, Guan Shan would no longer be able to recognize himself as the person he became in the aftermath.
He’d be hollowed out, stripped of the lessons learned and the changed perspectives like loose threads on a tapestry being pulled apart. He couldn’t bear the thought that all of this — the fighting, the understanding, the falling, the loss, the violent and unceremonious unearthing — had been for nothing.
It was too painful to have been for nothing.
or: seven years later, he tian and jian yi return home. everyone has some healing to do.
Series
- Part 1 of terra firma
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He Tian acts in moments.
One moment he’s here, the next he’s there. One moment he’s kind, the next he’s sly. One moment he’s cuffed, the next he has Guan Shan’s jaw in a grip and a look in his eye that sharpens with a breathy thank you on Guan Shan’s lips. And it sounds nothing like gratitude but rather something more heated, more urgent, and no, it’s not gratitude — it’s a prelude.
Thank you, it says, for what you’re about to give me.
(post-chapter 438 - the omitted kiss scene)
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He Tian knew what Guan Shan wanted. He always had.
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“Do you think I’ll kill you?”
He Tian swallows. Says, “Not particularly.”
A pause. The night swallows them whole, relentless, and He Tian wishes it’d do a better job at hiding the expression Guan Shan shows him now.
“Do you think I should?” Guan Shan asks him.
“That’s not my decision to make.”
“But it was,” Guan Shan says, voice rough. “That night. I think you should’ve killed me. I think it would’ve been easier.”
And He Tian, staring at the ceiling, his spine digging into the floorboards, and far too aware of those amber eyes piercing him through the dark, says: “I think so, too.”
(a fantasy shapeshifter AU)
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"I was just… It’s always easier to have someone to blame that isn’t yourself.”
He Tian smiles coldly. “I don’t think it’s so wrong to blame me, too.”
“I agree,” Guan Shan says.
he tian and mo guan shan try to reconcile. a post-chapter 371 (the burned backpack/earrings chapter) oneshot.
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i couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted (ah, but i’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now) by fayre
Fandoms: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
20 Jul 2021
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“This will always be the hardest part,” his father once told him, after he’d found out Guan Shan had been throwing away his elementary homework instead of completing it. “Admitting that you were wrong. That you did something wrong. But when you know it, you must own up to it, and it won’t ever be easy.”
And so Guan Shan is here, outside He Tian’s door, and he raps his bruised knuckles against it so that he can swallow his pride and do the hardest part.
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Guan Shan tries to make things right again. A post-chapter 361 ("Early Morning") oneshot.
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“You know, they say that sneezing a lot means you’re on someone’s mind.”
“Yeah?” Guan Shan says a bit drily, sniffing hard. “Then what a fuckin’ shame.”
He Tian watches him. “For you?”
“For the bastard unfortunate enough to have gotten me on their mind,” Guan Shan answers, walking again. He hates how nasally and gross his voice sounds, and the back of his throat feels sore. “If someone’s thinkin’ of me this fuckin’ much, it can’t be good news for either of us. Trust me.”
“Ah,” He Tian says, and then nothing more.
a post-chapter 348 oneshot (the He Tian & dog chapter).
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“This is gonna be a shit show,” Guan Shan says, low. “If all of them are here, then they’re goin’ to be investigated. Who fuckin’ knows what’ll happen to each of them by the end of it all.”
“They killed thirty of our men in cold blood,” He Tian reminds him, blowing smoke tendrils. “Going into it, I think they knew that this was the price to be paid if they were discovered.”
Guan Shan scoffs and shakes his head. “They killed thirty of ours, so we’ll kill two hundred of theirs in retaliation. Sounds reasonable.”
“It’s about setting an example. Making a statement.”
“You sound like your brother.”
“And you sound like you’re questioning things a lot more than you used to."
(or: after ten years in the underground scene, guan shan begins having doubts. but the decision isn't easy, and the truth of the matter is plain and ugly. it's a question of what he values more: he tian, or their futures.)
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“You make no fuckin’ sense to me,” Guan Shan mutters. Then: “When are you plannin' to leave my house?”
“Ouch,” He Tian remarks in an empty but unsurprised tone, shifting back on the couch. After a moment, he shrugs and responds, “Depends. Your text said a week but your mom says forever.”
A scowl. “She didn’t fuckin’ say that.”
He Tian smiles. “No, she didn’t. But she did say as long as I wanted — which, really, isn’t that much different from forever.”
(or: a collection of tianshan oneshots, written for a tumblr fundraiser in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. individual tags are included in each chapter's author notes.)
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“So everything that happened,” Guan Shan says, trying and failing to keep a steady tone, “The shopping, the barbeque — everything was just because you didn’t want to go home alone? That's pretty damn convoluted if you ask me.”
He Tian huffs, amused. “Not exactly. I had nothing planned; no expectations. I just wanted to be with you.”
a post-chapter 292 drabble (the day after the BBQ/sleepover at the He family estate.)
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knee high, stage fright (even if you're alright) by fayre
Fandoms: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
02 Jun 2019
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It’s no longer about what He Tian thinks; it’s about what he knows. And he knows Guan Shan — at least on a foundational level — and he knows how Guan Shan doesn’t just ask when he needs. He knows how Guan Shan doesn’t talk but doesn’t listen, either. He knows that Guan Shan doesn’t always think rationally but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think, and he knows how his body goes on autopilot before his thoughts cause him to malfunction and crash and burn.
He knows.
After all, it's the little things that add up. He Tian can only pray that they won't come crashing back down.
(or: no matter how hard he may try, guan shan can't hide all his problems. fluff ensues.)
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and i fall in love with the stars in your eyes by fayre
Fandoms: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
12 Apr 2019
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The boys are weeks away from graduation, and Zheng Xi thinks they should spend the night stargazing.
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At this point, Guan Shan is no longer sure if it’s in his nature or if it’s been nurtured by the war.
After all, you can only nurture the best of the best when the world is slowly coming to a fucking end.
or: Pacific Rim AU, in which Guan Shan is a hopeless recruit, He Tian is a legacy more than anyone can handle, and the world is crashing down around their ears faster than they can process. It's a matter of finding something worth fighting for — but their futures are slipping through their fingers with every passing minute.
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From: He Tian ― Today, 7:03PM
I need you.
To: He Tian ― Today, 7:05PM
what?
hello??
wtf is going on???
(or: he tian meets a face from his past, and while hot chocolate can't solve all their problems, guan shan hopes it'll at least be a start.)