Chapter Text
From the moment Lochy was born, Saxon fell in love with him.
He was seven years old when Lochy, face contorted from his crying and whining, was pushed out of his mothers body. Saxon thought he was the most beautiful baby he’d ever seen. Granted, he hadn’t seen many other babies, but still, Lochy was absolutely precious. His dad had looked at Saxon and smiled with pride in his eyes at his son’s tender expression towards baby Lochy. He’d clapped a big hand on Saxon’s shoulder and told him:
“Take good care of your brother Saxon. ” In his usual southern drawl.
Saxon had smiled, because of course he would. Lochy was precious, and he only got cuter with age. He remembers helping his mom teach Lochy how to walk when he was two, teaching him his alphabet and how to talk. Lochy was shy, and even though he was so smart, he didn’t start talking much until he turned three. Saxon was ten, and everytime Lochy spoke to him in full sentences, he’d reward his precious little brother with a kiss on the cheek. He just loved Lochy so much, the curly-haired little boy meant everything to him. He’d come home from school, grinning ear to ear at the promise of seeing his little Lochlan. Even though Saxon didn’t give birth to him, Lochy was still his baby.
When Lochy turned five, he and Saxon started holding full on conversations. Lochy was a quick kid, curious about everything. His large, beautiful brown eyes would scan every room they walked into, eager to deduce what he could about the people or the scenery. Lochy loved the beach, feeling the sand beneath his feet, the salty ocean breeze through his hair. Saxon loved those days the most, when his family would spend a day sitting on the sand, eating gourmet sandwiches mom ordered from some bougie restaurant. He, Lochy, and Piper would laugh and play while their parents did their own thing. His mom spent most of their beach days asleep under the umbrella, and his dad took phone calls, but the kids still had a nice time.
It was around this time when Lochy started asking Saxon to kiss him on the lips, instead of on his cheek.
“C’mon Saxy, I see it on tv all the time!”
“Loch, the people you’re seeing aren’t siblings, they’re couples.”
“Couples?”
“Yes, like boyfriend girlfriend.”
“Hmm…well, you’re kind of like my boyfriend!”
“Loch–wha–no, I’m not.”
“You are, you take care of me, and make sure I’m safe, and we cuddle, and we kiss.”
“Lochy, I don’t think you understand what a boyfriend is.”
“I do!”
“The things I do for you are what good big brothers are supposed to do, I love you, but not like a boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Lochy had pouted in disappointment. “So no kissing?”
Saxon sighed in resignation, he hated seeing that disappointed look on his darling brother's face. The little boy looked like he was about to start crying.
“Fine.” Saxon sighed. At twelve years old, he pressed his lips softly to Lochy’s for the first time. It was gentle, sexless, but so filled with love. Lochy had beamed at him afterwards and cuddled with him the entire night while they watched Ninja Turtles on the couch. Saxon felt his heart swell at the thought of making his little brother so happy.
It became a thing after that. Lochland would reach his arms out and make grabby hands at Saxon when the older boy got home from school. He’d pull Lochy into his arms and press a soft kiss to his lips before playing with him.
When Saxon was fourteen, he had his first real kiss, with a girl. Her name was Brenna Watson, she had soft brown curls and honey brown eyes, and Saxon thought she was absolutely gorgeous. He’d kissed her stupid behind the lockers one day when Victoria was late to pick him up.
“Saxon.” She giggled. “Let me try something.”
Brenna had pressed delicate kisses to his neck and Saxon sighed at how nice they felt. He did the same to her.
“Now bite me.” She breathed, and Saxon did just that.
That was the first time he gave a hickey, and the first time he received a hickey in return. His mom just raised an eyebrow at him when he got in the car, but said nothing. Timothy had chuckled and patted him on the back, congratulating him on becoming a man. Piper had yelled “ewwww Saxon!” when she saw the bruise on his neck. He shoved her head in his armpit for that. However, his sweet little Lochy was confused.
“Doesn’t it hurt Saxy?” He’d asked later that day. He was sitting on Saxon’s lap as he finished his dinner.
Lochy was getting ready for third grade, but he was still so clingy. Timothy wasn’t a fan of how dependent he was on Saxon. He thought it was about time Lochy grew up and stopped craving his older brother’s touch so much.
“It's supposed to Loch.” The older boy chuckled as he ran a hand through his brother’s beautiful curls.
“Why, why do you like something that hurts?”
“It feels good, even though it hurts.”
“Hmmm…can I try?”
“Can you try what Loch?”
“Can I have one, to see if it feels good?”
“No.” Saxon had to be firm about this. It wasn’t the same as a gentle press of their lips. It would be completely inappropriate, disgusting even, to give his seven year old brother a hickey.
“Pleaseeeee Saxy?”
Saxon got up and put his little brother in his own chair.
“I said no Lochy, stop asking me.” He’d walked away and slammed the door to his room shut before Lochy could ask again. Saxon spoiled him too much, because Lochy loved to whine and get his way. He knew Saxon will give him almost anything he asked for, but not this, god, anything but this.
“Saxy, open up!” Lochy whined, little fist beating against his locked bedroom door.
“Leave me alone Lochy, I have homework.”
“So? I’ll be quiet.”
“I said go away!” Saxon yelled at his brother for the first time. Sure he’d raised his voice before to discipline Lochy, but he’d never outright yelled at him this way. His little brother instantly began to cry, and not just cry, but bawl. He was so loud that their mother woke up out of her lorazepam induced slumber to bring him to their parents room for cuddles. Lochy barely talked to him for a week after that, and Saxon’s heart ached every minute, every second, of that torturously long week. It was only when Lochy stood in the doorway of his room one night, cuddling his teddy bear with teary eyes because he had a nightmare, did Saxon scoop him up into his arms and apologize. He kissed Lochy’s cheeks, forehead, his cute little nose, and even his lips. He hesitated for a moment, before pressing soft kisses to Lochy’s neck. The little boy squirmed and giggled as his neck was kissed, until eventually they fell asleep in Saxon’s bed, together.
*
Saxon began to have problems after that. As Lochy grew up, he slowly lost the baby fat in his cheeks, and the softness in his stomach and arms. His body began to lean out, and his facial features became sharper. Lochy was…handsome, that much was evident. Their own mother frequently told him so, pinching his cheeks and cooing at him as if he were still a baby.
“Saxon, you already know you’re an adonis sweetie, but Lochy needs more confidence, that’s why I dote on him this way.” She explained to him one night.
Lochy does need more confidence, because he’s in seventh grade now, and still no sign of a girlfriend anywhere. Saxon is finishing up at Duke, and he’s already got a job lined up at their father’s company after he graduates. He loves coming home from college and visiting his sweet younger brother. Lochy is still shy, and a part of Saxon does wish his little brother had more confidence, but he also loves that his shyness makes him an introvert. That means he has more time for Saxon, and less for other losers.
The problems arose when Saxon began to realize just how much one on one time he was spending with his, admittedly handsome, brother when he came home from college.
In the warm summer heat, he and Lochy often take refuge in the pool. Lochy is still so uncomfortable in his body, which Saxon thinks is a damn shame. Sure his younger brother is on the skinnier side, but he’s only a kid, it’s to be expected. Saxon himself didn’t really start to beef up until he was eighteen. Lochy has a nice body in an unconventional way, plus, a lot of chicks are into skinny guys nowadays. Saxon himself is into skinny guys, but Lochy doesn’t need to know that.
When he comes home over summer and looks at Lochy, Saxon begins to realize just how much the guys he fucks resemble his younger brother, yikes .
Now, Saxon isn’t a fag or anything, but he does like guys, sometimes. He still loves pussy, specifically from girls with long, curly hair and big brown eyes. He loves it when they don’t shave all the way, loves the smell and feel of curly little pubic hairs tickling his face while he eats them out.
It's the same with guys, he has a preference for curly-haired twinks, which is why he can’t help it that the guys he thinks are smoking hot, unfortunately have physical similarities to Lochlan.
The issue with this is that when Lochlan peels off his shirt to swim, Saxon spends longer looking at his body. When Lochy stretches out, long and lean, on the couch during movie nights, Saxon feels his throat go dry.
God, he’s a fucking pedophile.
It’s bad enough to look at your brother in a sexual way, but your fourteen year old brother? Yeah, Saxon is sick, demented even, but worst part is that Lochy looks back. He feels Lochy’s hungry eyes on him as Saxon puts sunscreen over his broad chest and thick neck. Saxon holds his younger brother’s gaze, daring to see who’ll break first. Lochy always breaks first. His little brother trails a hand down his thin chest during movie nights, and looks over to see if Saxon is watching, of course Saxon is watching . Saxon would spread his legs wider, and lean back, and of course he’d catch Lochy’s observant eyes staring at his bulge. It was a dangerous, faggy ass, incestous ass, pedo ass game they were playing, and Saxon needed to put an end to it, stat.
One day, Saxon decides to confront Lochy about it.
“So Loch, you like pussy right?” He asks bluntly. He and Lochy are playing Mario Kart on the playstation in Lochy’s bedroom. Lochy coughs and sputters, nearly spitting out the lemonade he paused the game to drink.
“Uh…”
“Because you’re pushing fifteen, and you’ve never had a girlfriend or anything, dad’s starting to get worried.”
“I–uh…”
“You scared of girls still?” Saxon mocks, running a hand through Lochy’s delicate curls. He ignores the jolt of electricity that shoots through him at the contact.
“No…”
“Then what’s the deal, think they don’t like you or something?”
“No…I get, um, asked out sometimes.”
“Hey, there we go!”
“It’s just, I usually say no.”
“Well why the fuck do you do that?”
Lochy goes silent and looks into his lemonade with a solemn expression. He’s holding something back, and Saxon has an uncomfortable feeling that he knows just what it is. It's in the way Lochy’s eyes linger on his body, the way they still kiss each other softly on the lips when they reunite.
Lochy’s a fag. Saxon shakes his head in disappointment.
“Look, Loch, it’s okay to be like, a little bit of a fag. Like, y’know, fuck a dude every now and then, you know that right?”
Lochy’s eyes shoot up and he stares at his brother with a look of disbelief.
“W–what, you’re not homophobic?”
“Nah, that’d make me a hypocrite.” Saxon smirks. He watches the way his little brother’s beautiful brown eyes light up with hope.
“Like, it’s cool, but you know you have to marry a chick right, have her push out babies and all that? Mom and dad don’t want a fag for a son.”
Lochy’s face falls again.
“Not that it’s bad to be a fag! Like–y’know, uh, shit, the point is, it's cool to like guys, but you’re gonna have to settle down with a chick at some point, just how it is man.”
“What if I don’t have to settle down with a chick?” Lochy says quietly.
“Huh?”
“I think…mom and dad would support me. They supported Piper when she came out as bi.”
“Yeah Loch, cause that’s only half gay, she can still end up with a dude.”
“What if she ends up with a girl?”
“Piper’s not a dyke Loch, she’s just trying it out.”
“Y’know Sax, you say you’re not homophobic, but you have a real backwards understanding of sexuality.” Lochy grits out, jaw tight in anger.
“Loch, it’s just how shit is, Ratcliff’s get married to the opposite sex, push out babies, and boom, that’s that.”
“You’re so close-minded, god, I can’t believe I trusted you enough to tell you something like this.” Lochy chokes out, he sounds on the verge of tears.
“Hey! I’m literally telling you to fuck dudes if you want, how is that close-minded?”
“I don’t only want to fuck dudes Saxon, I want to date dudes, I want to be in a long-term relationship with a dude, I like men for reasons other than sex.” Lochy practically hisses at him.
Shit, he really is a fag.
“I mean, what do you need that boyfriend shit for when you have me?” Saxon doesn’t know what the fuck he’s saying now.
“What?”
“Remember when you were like five and said I was practically your boyfriend?”
“Uh yeah…I was a dumbass kid.”
“Well, you’re my best friend Loch, we hangout together, go out to eat, play games, do fun shit. Why do you need to do all that with some other dude when you have me? Just fuck the other fag, and come home and hangout with me, simple.”
Lochy looks even more angry, clearly Saxon’s words are not having the desired effect.
“You’re so fucking stupid.” Lochy spits. “God Saxon, get the fuck out.” Lochy’s voice cracks. Saxon hates to see his little brother cry.
“Loch, baby, I’m sorry–”
“I said get out, asshole.”
Saxon swallows his pride and walks out the door.