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Chapter Text

There's something weird about Wei Wuxian.

It's not something that Jiang Cheng can quite put his finger on, mostly because after the Sunshot Campaign, everyone's been a little weird, and in vastly different ways. For example, Jin Guangshan's gone a little wild with the womanizing, or so the rumors say, and some of Jiang Cheng's shidimen who survived the Sunshot Campaign now refuse to sleep alone because of their nightmares. Little things like that.

But Wei Wuxian is someone Jiang Cheng knows as well as he knows himself. Or at least, he did, up until Wei Wuxian got tossed into the Burial Mounds and came out as a whole new beast. Now, even well after the Wen Sect's downfall, it still feels a bit like everything's turned on its head, like he dove too deep and rose too fast and now he's breathing hard and can't hear over the pounding in his skull.

Wei Wuxian was never the most even tempered of people — though it's not like Jiang Cheng has any room to talk on that front — but now more than ever, it's clear that he's on edge. Antsy, like there's someone after him even though the main threat is gone. Jiang Cheng supposes that it wouldn't be inaccurate to say that Jin Guangshan is after him and the power of the Yin Tiger Tally — he'd made that clear after the war had ended — but it feels wrong to put him on the same level as the full, concentrated power of the Wens. And besides, Wei Wuxian knows that Jiang Cheng would protect him from Jin Guangshan, right? The Jiang Sect might be devastated in all senses of the word, but Jiang Cheng has more than proved his strength during the Sunshot Campaign — that, he's sure of. After everything, it feels like Wei Wuxian should be able to rest, now that they're all safe again.

So why isn't he?

Well, rest might be too strong of a word. Rebuilding has been physically exhausting, made worse by the memories associated with this place, and Jiang Cheng himself has been plagued with nightmares every night. There's no peace to be found.

Wei Wuxian is probably in the same boat — possibly an even worse one. Jiang Cheng doesn't know what he saw or did in the Burial Mounds, after all. That place probably haunts him as much as the rest of the war, if not more. Maybe it shouldn't actually be all that surprising that Wei Wuxian has changed so much.

Still, the change is unnerving at best. It's not just Wei Wuxian's attitude that's different, it's his whole aura — it's changed from being infused with the liveliness that Wei Wuxian used to embody, into being something… ghostly. Intimidating. Feral, and hungry for something that Jiang Cheng can't provide. It's like the core of Wei Wuxian's being has changed, emptied out to hold something else. And Jiang Cheng isn't sure if he likes the changes he sees.

Sure, Wei Wuxian is terrifying, and that provides a level of protection to Lotus Pier that Jiang Cheng can't take for granted. But he's also becoming a threat — to himself or to others, Jiang Cheng isn't sure — that he doesn't know how to handle.

—

Rebuilding Lotus Pier is difficult for a variety of reasons. Not only is it backbreaking labor, with how much needs to be rebuilt, but each part of the whole compound is so steeped in memory that sometimes, it feels like it'll rise up through Jiang Cheng's feet and burst out of his eyes. Like maybe it would be better if he laid down and let the dirt claim him.

So it sucks, being here. It sucks, but it's also the only place that Jiang Cheng wants to be, immersed in memories, both the good and the bad. He looks out at the water — there, that was where he and Wei Wuxian had gone swimming, every day for years. And there, that was where Jiang Yanli had put them into time-out after they argued for a full day, culminating in Jiang Cheng throwing his entire bowl of soup at Wei Wuxian's head.

And this place, he thinks to himself as he sets down his load of wood, was his mother's favorite pavilion, and the last place he'd seen her alive.

Jiang Cheng wipes the sweat from his brow, staring off into the sky. In any other circumstance, he'd probably be trying to hold back tears — that was what had happened when he had returned to Lotus Pier for the first time after the Sunshot Campaign was finally over. He'd seen it briefly in the interim, of course, but finally returning home with no one left to fight except for his own mind had been overwhelming at best. Now, though… now it was more like he didn't have anything left inside of him — no tears left to shed, no sparks of happiness, nothing. Just the ineffectual rage that made him so much like his mother.

One would think that the presence of Wei Wuxian would make it better, would perhaps settle him and calm his mind. And in part, that's true — it's a balm to Jiang Cheng's mind that Wei Wuxian is alive, and nearby, at that. It's difficult to admit, even to himself, but Jiang Cheng had nearly lost his mind for those three months that Wei Wuxian had been lost in the Burial Mounds. He had his golden core again, sure, and while he was perfectly capable of making it on his own, he didn't want to. The fight meant nothing if he was going to be the only member of his family left alive.

So it was everything, that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli had both made it through alive, that they'd all made it back to each other. For a while, that thought had sustained him, through the stress of starting to rebuild their lives and the Jiang Sect. Though… Jiang Cheng is beginning to rethink this when it comes to Wei Wuxian, because the way he's been stomping around Lotus Pier is aggravating at best, and is triggering Jiang Cheng's instincts to attack at worst.

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng had always fought, from the day that Jiang Fengmian brought Wei Wuxian to Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian would act out and Jiang Cheng would try to rein him in — or get dragged into the trouble himself, and they'd fight until they resolved it or Jiang Yanli separated them. It was just who they were, their competitive natures and clashing personalities shining through at every possible moment. No matter how badly they fought, though, it had never been strong enough to tear them apart. Even their worst arguments had never lasted longer than a few days — inevitably, one of them would forget their anger and drag the other into doing something stupid-but-fun, and the argument would be resolved just like that.

This was nothing like how they'd argued in the past, though.

Like now, when Wei Wuxian stomps up behind him, that tense expression on his face. He stands there, hands twisting together in front of his body, always in motion, tugging at his sleeves, running through his hair. He's jittery, Jiang Cheng realizes — on edge for reasons he can't explain. Because what reason would there be for him to be acting like a hunted animal? There's nothing that could harm him here, not with Wei Wuxian's level of power. There never had been anything that could touch him here, especially now, after he's risen to being nearly invincible with his corpses.

Not that there were that many corpses in Lotus Pier now, but Wei Wuxian was a powerful cultivator besides, so did it really matter?

Jiang Cheng snaps out of his thoughts when Wei Wuxian's voice finally reaches him. "-Cheng, Jiang Cheng, are you listening to me?"

"No," Jiang Cheng says. "What is it? What's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's just…" Wei Wuxian trails off. He looks down at his hands, and stays silent. His unusual quiet grates on Jiang Cheng's nerves.

"Seriously, you're acting strange. Stranger than usual, anyway. Is something happening?" Jiang Cheng says, straightening up, ready to move at a moment's notice.

"Nothing's happening, calm down," Wei Wuxian says. "You're so jumpy today." Ignoring Jiang Cheng's mutter of you're one to talk, he says, "I just wanted to talk to you, I guess."

"Then talk," Jiang Cheng says, frowning at him. "Don't beat around the bush, I don't have time for that."

"It's just… do you ever wonder?" Wei Wuxian says.

"Wonder what?"

"Whether we did the right thing," Wei Wuxian says. "Whether we should have gone as far as we did."

Even without specifying, Jiang Cheng knows exactly what he's talking about. The corpses and demonic cultivation were distasteful, though completely necessary. Something inside of him goes cold at Wei Wuxian's words, though. "What the hell are you even talking about? Are you saying we should've just rolled over and showed our bellies even after the Wens killed everyone? Are you siding with them now?" Jiang Cheng says, incensed. The cold rising up inside of him has turned to anger, bright and sharp and ready to burst from his chest.

"Of course not," Wei Wuxian snaps. He's frowning now too, face dark with annoyance. "Don't be ridiculous. I just mean that sometimes — no, more than sometimes, I think maybe we went too far. Let our anger, the need for revenge, get the best of us." He looks down at his hands, still twisting together nervously. "I still think about them. Wen Chao, Wen Zhuliu, all of them. I see them in my dreams. And I wake up angry, so angry, I'm ready to command my corpses to ruin everything that's in front of me. At those times… I think maybe we didn't go far enough."

Jiang Cheng feels a surge of… something. What exactly, he doesn't know, but it's not a good feeling. "Wei Wuxian," he says, tone sharp. "You promised you wouldn't lose control."

"I won't! I'm always in control and I'll stay that way, so stop doubting me," Wei Wuxian says, the annoyance returning to his voice and morphing into anger. "Why can't you just take what I say at face value?"

"Because you never say what you actually mean!" Jiang Cheng says. He sighs, a hand coming to his forehead, suddenly deflated. "Listen. I don't know whether it was right or wrong, or if we went too far or not far enough, and frankly, I don't really care. The Wens caused so much destruction, and they killed my parents! And everyone else they could get their hands on! They had to be stopped, so we went exactly as far as we needed to. That's all there was to it. Now will you stop worrying about this? And start wearing your sword again, you don't need to substitute it with your flute anymore."

Wei Wuxian fixes Jiang Cheng with a scowl, original point forgotten. "Stop getting on me about Suibian," he says. "Chenqing is perfectly good on its own. It's not a substitute for anything."

"What are you even going to use it for now?" Jiang Cheng asks. "There aren't that many bodies left here for you to use. Not that I would let you use their bodies for anything." Their bodies being those of the Jiang disciples, and his family members, slaughtered by the Wens. They had recovered as many as they could, but who knew how many still drifted below the surface of the water?

"It doesn't matter what I want to use it for," Wei Wuxian says. "I won't use my sword again, so stop asking." He turns on his heel and leaves the remains of the pavilion, leaving Jiang Cheng standing there, somewhere between irritated and confused. What the hell was that even about? Was he trying to make some point about almost losing control, or something?

Yeah, something's weird about Wei Wuxian. And Jiang Cheng's going to figure out what, before that idiot does something like go on a rampage or get himself killed.

—

After their discussion, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian settle into an uneasy sort of peace, broken up by intermittent arguments — mostly Jiang Cheng trying to determine if Wei Wuxian was going to snap and kill them all, and Wei Wuxian trying (and failing) to persuade everyone that he was just fine, thank you very much.

Jiang Cheng doesn't believe a word that comes out of his mouth, at this point. He'd hesitate to call Wei Wuxian a liar, since most of the time he was a little too truthful about his needs and wants, but that was the thing about Wei Wuxian. He'd tell you in detail about exactly what he wants for dinner, or the newest aspect of his ghost cultivation that he's come up with, but when it came to something serious, like anything about his mental well-being, speaking to him was like trying to pry open a clam with one finger.

So after their third argument about why Wei Wuxian won't just wear his sword, if only to keep up proper appearances, and Jiang Cheng trying (and failing) to determine if Wei Wuxian is anywhere close to losing his mind, Jiang Cheng himself is the one on the verge of losing it. He paces back and forth in his room, turning Wei Wuxian's behavior over and over in his mind, still unable to come to a conclusion.

What is the matter with him? Why won't he just tell Jiang Cheng the truth, the whole truth? Not an edited version to appeal to Jiang Cheng's delicate sensibilities, like he's some kind of maiden who's never spoken to another person before? They grew up together! They promised to stay together, too — Yunmeng Shuangjie, that's them! Of all people, he should be the one that Wei Wuxian tells everything to, no matter how stupid or insane it is! Even if Jiang Cheng protests about knowing too much about him, that doesn't mean he actually wants Wei Wuxian to stop telling him things!

Though, now that he's actually thinking about it, he's never actually told Wei Wuxian that. He shouldn't have to, though. Wei Wuxian should know him well enough to know what he really means when he's angry at this point.

Jiang Cheng is broken out of his thoughts when there's a knock at his door. "Sect leader! It's your sister — she's returned from Meishan Yu!"

He practically slams the door open in his eagerness, the servant who had knocked jumping aside in surprise. There was no trace of alarm to the servant's voice, only excitement, but Jiang Cheng won't rest until he can verify Jiang Yanli's good health with his own two eyes.

As he rushes to the docks, he runs directly into Wei Wuxian, who'd clearly heard the news. The two of them crash into each other with a bang, each crumpling to the floor as Jiang Cheng clutches his forehead and Wei Wuxian rubs the bridge of his nose.

"Watch where you're going, idiot!" Jiang Cheng snaps as he and Wei Wuxian both get to their feet.

The look that Wei Wuxian shoots him is quietly furious, his teeth gritted, a flush spreading over his face. "I could say the same for you," he says. "You should be more careful, shidi." His words, while innocuous, are infused with a venom that Jiang Cheng doesn't normally hear from Wei Wuxian. It's a tone reserved for his enemies, in fact.

Jiang Cheng is taken aback for a brief moment, but his surprise quickly turns into anger. Sure, maybe Jiang Cheng was a little rude, but he's always rude to Wei Wuxian! It's their whole thing! Wei Wuxian had never had any problems with it before!

Jiang Cheng, being himself, is completely unable to control his mouth, so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone when he says, "What the fuck is your problem?"

"You are my problem," Wei Wuxian hisses. "You're always scolding me about the most stupid things, you don't ever leave me in peace, and now you're wondering why I'm getting a little annoyed? Just look at yourself!"

Jiang Cheng's anger blazes a little higher. "If you would behave for once in your life, I wouldn't have to scold you! You've barely helped with the rebuilding, you laze around and drink all day, you don't even carry your sword anymore, and you snap at anyone who even looks at you wrong! If I'm the problem, it's only because you've made me into one!"

"Oh, so now you're blaming everything on me again?" Wei Wuxian says, stepping a little closer to Jiang Cheng. His voice carries back to the main compound — Jiang Cheng is pretty sure that everyone working inside has heard them by now. Oh well. At least neither of them had great reputations to ruin in the first place. "Why won't you ever acknowledge when you're in the wrong?!"

"Because I'm just reacting to you!" Jiang Cheng isn't sure when he started yelling, but he's sure not going to stop now. "If you're so righteous, and I'm always the one in the wrong, then why are you even still here? Leave! Start your own sect, or become a wandering cultivator!"

"Maybe I will!" Wei Wuxian yells back. His face is fully red at this point, teeth clenched and fists balled up at his sides. Jiang Cheng has the brief thought of, oh, he's definitely going to hit me now, but before Wei Wuxian can move, a high voice interrupts them.

"A-Cheng, A-Xian," Jiang Yanli says, standing behind them, frowning. The entire delegation from Meishan Yu stands behind her, staring at the two of them, and Jiang Cheng abruptly wants to melt from sheer embarrassment. "What exactly is going on here?"

—

Everything is easier when Jiang Yanli is there — that's just a fact of life.

The moment he hears her voice, his anger fizzles out, like putting hot iron in a bucket of water. Just by looking at him, he can tell that Wei Wuxian's anger has decreased as well. That was just the sort of magic that Jiang Yanli could work, though. There's no one else that Jiang Cheng has ever met whose presence has a similar effect.

She sighs and walks up to them, pulling them both into a hug at once. The sudden proximity to Wei Wuxian, along with the open affection, takes Jiang Cheng by surprise, even with Jiang Yanli there as a buffer, and he flinches before relaxing into her hold. It's sturdy, but not restrictive, and the warmth that she provides is strong enough to wash away all of the anger that had been building up inside of him, ready to burst out during his and Wei Wuxian's argument.

It's always been this way — Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian would fight, and then Jiang Yanli would appear, work some kind of miracle on them, and they would leave, entirely content, argument forgotten. That's how a majority of their childhood was, and Jiang Cheng had, perhaps stupidly, assumed that was how the rest of their lives would be, even once Jiang Yanli got married and moved far away. Perhaps it was unfair to continue relying on Jiang Yanli so much, but she'd never begrudged them for it — maybe she even enjoyed it, so was there really a problem…?

Still, looking at Wei Wuxian now, it seems like Jiang Yanli's calming aura hasn't been quite as effective as it normally is. His face is no longer twisted in anger, but his brow is still slightly furrowed, and the fire in his eyes hasn't abated one bit. The way he's staring at Jiang Cheng reminds him of a feral animal, a predator — anger, grief, and melancholy mixed up to create something that will stalk Jiang Cheng from afar, and hang over him for the rest of his life.

Almost like Wei Wuxian no longer sees Jiang Cheng as family, but as yet another source of misfortune.

The thought sends a jolt through Jiang Cheng's body. There's no way that's what this is, no way that Wei Wuxian would split from him like this. Wei Wuxian is his, and vice versa, and has been since the day that Jiang Fengmian brought Wei Wuxian to Lotus Pier. When they swore to become the Twin Prides of Yunmeng, wasn't that essentially a promise to stay together forever? Or was Jiang Cheng the only one who'd seen things that way?

Jiang Cheng breathes deeply as Jiang Yanli sighs and releases him and Wei Wuxian from her hold. No, thinking like that isn't useful, and is likely only going to make him panic. It's not worth going down that road, not when it's obviously not true. No matter what's wrong or how weird he's acting, Wei Wuxian wouldn't just up and leave. If the war hadn't torn them apart, when it would have been the easiest time for Wei Wuxian to defect to another sect, then nothing had that power.

"Whatever you two were arguing about, it's time to put it aside," Jiang Yanli says. "You two are adults now, and you need to show unity for the sake of the sect." Her tone is chiding, but without the anger that usually comes with being scolded. It's the classic kind of Jiang Yanli scolding — pointed without being sharp, calm without being cold. Jiang Cheng is warmed by it more than he should be.

"Yes, A-jie," he says, voice almost a murmur. Wei Wuxian echoes the sentiment, but doesn't say anything further. Jiang Cheng looks at him, really looks at him, but all he sees is the same old Wei Wuxian. Or rather, the same Wei Wuxian who's been present since leaving the Burial Mounds and going on a killing spree. There's no outward hint of the change that's so obvious to him.

Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes, opening his mouth to ask him again what's happened to him, but then thinks better of it. If he says anything right now, it's more likely that he'll start another argument than solve any problems, which ordinarily wouldn't be something that makes him hesitate, but since Jiang Yanli had asked them to stop... See, jie? He has learned to think before he speaks! Sometimes, anyway!

He clears his throat and steps back, folding his arms behind his back. "Anyway, I'll help you all settle in," he says, nodding towards the contingent from Meishan Yu. "A-jie, I've had your room cleaned. Please let me know if anything's amiss."

Jiang Yanli smiles, amused at his attempt to be more sect leader-like. Jiang Cheng should have known she'd see straight through it, since he's never been able to put on a mask in front of her, but at least she gives him some face and doesn't say anything about it. She wraps one hand around Wei Wuxian's elbow, and says, "A-Xian, will you help me unpack?"

Wei Wuxian smiles down at her, his anger from earlier now either vanished or particularly well-hidden. "Of course, shijie," he says. The two of them walk off, elbows linked, quietly chatting as they go to Jiang Yanli's rooms. Jiang Cheng stares after them for another moment before he turns back to the cultivators from Meishan Yu, who are watching him carefully.

Jiang Cheng's shoulders tense. This part, the speaking to people and directing them and expecting to be obeyed, is the part that he can never get used to. His father had been perfectly capable of it, of course, but his father had been beloved by the entire Jiang Sect, and had been known by most of the other townsfolk besides. Jiang Cheng, who is rebuilding the sect from scratch, doesn't have that luxury, and half expects to still be treated like the sect heir besides. His father should be here, taking care of his sect, not dead and gone.

Still, wishes can't bring back the dead. This is his lot in life, and he knows it doesn't make much sense to complain about it when nothing will change, but he can't quite stop a bitter pang from rising into his throat.

He stifles the pang and forcibly returns his thoughts to the task ahead. This delegation isn't going to welcome itself, after all. No matter what, he still has work to do.

—

Later, when everyone's settled in and Jiang Cheng has returned to his office to catch up on his work (now managing the merchants trying to set up shop in Lotus Pier), Jiang Yanli comes to find him.

He'd been expecting her to — she's not usually the type to just march off like that after returning home from a journey. Any other time she'd left the sect, upon her return, she would spend time with all of her family, wandering through the compound and saying hello to everyone, rather than rushing to her rooms to unpack.

Though, Jiang Cheng has no doubts that she had noticed exactly what he had in Wei Wuxian, and had asked him to come along on purpose. She's always been more perceptive than anyone has given her credit for, after all.

So, when Jiang Yanli gently slides his door open and fixes him with a sharp look, Jiang Cheng is not surprised.

What is surprising, though, is what she says: "A-Cheng, what did you do to A-Xian?"

"Wha- me?!" he splutters, taken aback. "I didn't do anything!"

She squints at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Jiang Cheng stands up from his desk, indignant. "I'm very sure! Why are you blaming his… weirdness on me, anyway?"

Jiang Yanli frowns at him. "Most of the time, when one of you is in a mood like this, it's because one of you has done something to the other, so I had to assume. Though, usually it's for much pettier problems."

Jiang Cheng can't argue with that, not when it's usually Jiang Yanli solving their problems anyway. Still… "I swear, I didn't do anything. Did you manage to figure out what's wrong with him?"

"No," Jiang Yanli says. "I tried asking him about it, but he dodged all my questions and just asked about my trip. It was so frustrating! I guess I understand how you feel now." She laughs a little before it peters out into a sigh.

They wait in silence for a moment. Jiang Cheng isn't sure what to say, or how to reassure his sister. How can he, when he can't even reassure himself? It's not like he knows what's going on, or can even speculate! If she can't even figure out what's going on — and until this point, Wei Wuxian has always told her everything — then how can he even hope to find out what she couldn't?

He opens his mouth to speak, but Jiang Yanli cuts him off. "I'm worried about him, A-Cheng," she says, quieter than before. "If he won't even tell me anything, then…"

"I know," he says. "Me too."

It's little comfort, when both of them are so worried, but there's something heartening about a worry being shared. If both of them are worried, then they can come up with a solution, right? They can do something, anything to stop them from losing yet another person they care about. Because that's what this is leading to, no doubt about that — Jiang Cheng can feel it in his bones. Wei Wuxian won't stay, not for anything.

Still, there's no sense in losing hope quite yet. If Jiang Cheng can figure out what's going on, then he can fix whatever problem Wei Wuxian has, right? He and Jiang Yanli can work together — between the two of them, they can come up with a solution, no matter how strange it is that Wei Wuxian hasn't come up with something himself.

Now, though, the question is how Jiang Cheng will get an answer from Wei Wuxian about whatever's wrong. Hedging around the question hasn't worked so far, and is unlikely to work in the future with how stubborn Wei Wuxian is, and how good he is at twisting conversations away from himself. It's also not likely that he's confided in anyone else. Wei Wuxian might seem to be in touch with himself, but he hates revealing any sort of weakness as much as Jiang Cheng does. Only he and Jiang Yanli have ever been able to drag anything about feelings out of Wei Wuxian, and even then only through great effort, so there's definitely no one else for Jiang Cheng to question.

What to do, then…

He steps away from Jiang Yanli and returns to his desk, sitting down and leaning back just enough that his head naturally tips back and he can stare at the ceiling. She follows him, leaning on the desk across from him, and crosses her arms over her chest. For a moment, they sit in silence, each pondering the dilemma known as Wei Wuxian.

An answer comes to Jiang Cheng first. "That's it," he says, sitting up sharply and smacking his closed fist to his other open palm. "I'll stalk him!"

Jiang Yanli raises an eyebrow. It's almost hilarious, but more depressing how much she looks like their father when she does that. "Stalk him?"

"Yes! If he's not going to tell us anything, I'll just have to follow him around and wait for him to slip up," he says, mind racing. "He can't keep up this act forever. Eventually, he'll say something, or give me a hint, and I'll have him figured out again!"

Jiang Yanli stares at him for a moment, then says, "Well, if you're sure…" Her tone is doubtful, but in a polite enough way that Jiang Cheng can't be offended — not that he ever has been offended at her.

"I am," he says, voice brokering no argument. "Maybe if we had more time, I could come up with something else, but I need him functioning now." Reflexively, he swallows back the 'I need him now' that almost slips out. Sure, Wei Wuxian is an essential part of Lotus Pier — it wouldn't be home if he wasn't here — but Jiang Cheng will be damned if he'll let Wei Wuxian know that.

Clearly sensing that she can't stop him, Jiang Yanli sighs. "Just be careful," she says. "I don't want either of you getting hurt, not anymore. You're both too precious to me for that."

Jiang Cheng swallows past the lump that's risen in his throat, and blinks away the mist in his eyes. His sister has always been the best of their family at actually expressing any emotions, and in moments like this, he wishes that trying to reciprocate didn't feel like he was actively cutting himself open with a rusty knife, baring his flesh for the crows to pick at. Still, it's his sister — there's no one else he would even try to be sappy with.

"I will," he says. "Don't worry about us. We can take care of ourselves. Seriously, A-jie, we survived a war. You should have more faith in us." His complaints devolve into good-natured grumbling, and Jiang Yanli breaks into gentle laughter as she teases him back.

No matter what else they've been talking about, it feels good to have a moment with Jiang Yanli where they can just be themselves again, just Jiang Cheng and his big sister, instead of Sect Leader Jiang and Young Mistress Jiang. Still, Jiang Cheng can tell what they're both thinking — that Wei Wuxian should be here too, sharing in this moment with them instead of off on his own somewhere. He almost never left them alone like this before.

Jiang Cheng sinks into silence as his confusion over Wei Wuxian begins swirling around his mind again. His sister notices, but, probably knowing that he can't handle any more shows of emotion right now, pats him on the shoulder and leaves him be. The brief touch is almost enough to snap him out of his thoughts, but he ignores it, sinking a little further.

It would be nice if he had anyone else to talk to about this. Maybe a friend who wasn't either Jiang Yanli or Wei Wuxian himself. He'd even take his parents, if he could get them to stop arguing long enough. Everyone who could have helped him was long dead, though. He'd never see any of them again, not in this lifetime.

Not for the first time, the scar over his chest aches, and he rubs at it slowly.

There's no use in dwelling, but what else can he do? May as well revel in the bitterness and grief that feels like it might overtake him, some days. Embrace it. Truly become just like his mother, because it seems like whether he likes it or not, her legacy is his to uphold.

That night, sleep doesn't come easily, and when he finally falls asleep, he's plagued by dreams of Wei Wuxian leaving, and never coming back.

—

Jiang Cheng tries to go about his stalking honestly at first.

He starts off by joining Wei Wuxian on all of his tasks, pairing them together whenever he can. Most of the rebuilding and cleansing has to be done in groups anyway, since the resentment permeating Lotus Pier can be dangerous for any cultivator, regardless of skill level. Jiang Cheng just takes advantage of being the one to create the schedule to place himself… strategically.

And for a time, everything is fine. Jiang Cheng can almost pretend that everything has returned to normal, that he and Wei Wuxian are the same as they were before everything went to shit.

Even if Wei Wuxian wasn't acting totally insane, though, pretending that everything is normal doesn't last long. How can it, when almost none of Jiang Cheng's original shidi are here? When his mother isn't here to scold the disciples who are slacking off? When not even the servants are the same as before?

Jiang Cheng walks among strangers daily, trying to pretend that this new Lotus Pier is his home, and failing miserably each time.

It's not fine, but since Jiang Cheng doesn't really have a choice in the matter, he's elected to try not to think about it too much. It's unproductive to dwell when he has so much else to think about, Wei Wuxian being the current main subject, and besides, he can practically hear his mother scolding him for spending too much time thinking of her and his father instead of spending his time rebuilding the sect or training.

It's almost funny how the thought of her scolding him so fiercely would have alarmed him five years ago, when he wishes she could scold him now.

So Jiang Cheng continues his work, all while sticking to Wei Wuxian like a leech. The new disciples — rogue cultivators, orphans with potential from the surrounding area, anyone else who'd wanted to at least try cultivating — gossip about how close they are. They clearly don't think that Jiang Cheng knows about the rumors, with how quickly they shut up when he gets too close, but they underestimate his hearing, and how much he actually pays attention to what people say.

Jiang Cheng isn't really one to follow rumors, or put much stock in most of what's being passed around, but he's long since learned that it's essential to know what's being said, if only so that he can prepare himself.

The rumors, in this case, say that he and Wei Wuxian are very close (true), that they grew up together (true), that they fell in love on the battlefield (false), that they're secretly engaged (false), and that Wei Wuxian is chasing after Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng is trying to keep them apart out of jealousy (false), among others. Perhaps the most offensive is that Jiang Cheng suspects that something is wrong with Wei Wuxian, and is hanging around him in order to catch him in a lie and kick him out of the sect, just like his mother would have wanted. Which is so laughably false, Jiang Cheng wants to tear his hair out and unleash Zidian the first time he hears it.

Seriously, is it truly so difficult for people to believe that he has good intentions? He usually does, in any case, but especially this time! If they all thought he was so horrible, why had they even joined the sect? And what the hell did they all know about what his mother would have wanted, anyway?!

Jiang Cheng pauses where he's walking to put a hand to rub his temples and sigh. Rumors have always given him a headache to think about, but it's gotten worse since he's become sect leader.

Still, he can't stand around thinking about the gossip surrounding him and his family forever, not when he still has so much to do and so many other problems to think about.

The rumors are one thing. They might enrage Jiang Cheng beyond belief, but that's a familiar feeling, and he has Jiang Yanli to help him manage them besides. Wei Wuxian is a whole different beast, one who's apparently caught on to Jiang Cheng's plan, and is avoiding him. Extremely obviously.

(If this leads to another set of rumors about how Jiang Cheng has wronged Wei Wuxian, with both disciples and townsfolk looking at him like he's a criminal, he might just snap.)

In any other circumstance, Jiang Cheng would think it's comical, how Wei Wuxian will speedwalk in the other direction at the mere sight of him. He would have laughed about Wei Wuxian treating him with the same level of fear as he had Madam Yu. But this is getting a little ridiculous, Jiang Cheng thinks — even if there wasn't something clearly wrong, Wei Wuxian is still supposed to be his second-in-command, his head disciple. He shouldn't be… fleeing from Jiang Cheng! Wei Wuxian has never hesitated to face anything before! Why is Jiang Cheng now the exception?!

He keeps trying for a few more days — pairing himself with Wei Wuxian for rebuilding, cleansing the area of any remaining resentful energy, and training the new disciples, all of which should be, by all rights, simple tasks that Wei Wuxian could do in his sleep, let alone with Jiang Cheng's help. He'd even enjoyed some of those tasks, once upon a time! Training the new disciples had always been one of the things Wei Wuxian always volunteered to do, just because he enjoyed working with the children so much. It had been, at one point, difficult to tear him away from training, because he would get so invested in helping everyone else improve.

It had been endearing, and one of the few things that Madam Yu had actually approved of him doing. For him to actively avoid it now… just what was going on?

Jiang Cheng asks himself this question more than once during the time when Wei Wuxian is purely avoiding him, his confusion and annoyance building daily. The more he watches Wei Wuxian, the more he notices things that are just… strange. That's the only way he can think to describe them. Avoiding his usual duties like this is one thing — Wei Wuxian would never have become head disciple if he had been anything less than absolutely diligent, before.

But there's more than that, too. Whenever he does deign to help out, he doesn't bother using any spiritual energy, only manipulating the now-ambient resentful energy or doing things like the commoners they're surrounded by. Jiang Cheng had forbidden him from using any of the remaining corpses around Lotus Pier, of course, as that would be a step too far, but actually cleansing the resentful energy and rebuilding what the Wen occupation had destroyed has been slow-going.

Maybe this is why, Jiang Cheng thinks as he watches Wei Wuxian hammer a plank in, by hand and with regular nails. Normally, he'd be able to complete a task like that in just a few moments by using his spiritual energy, instead of it being so tedious, and mundane. And Wei Wuxian is sweating, turning red when a task like this wouldn't have even winded him before.

Wei Wuxian raises his head to wipe the sweat from his brow and freezes in place when he spots Jiang Cheng watching him. Almost nervous, he lowers his arm, then raises it again to wave shakily at Jiang Cheng. The smile on his face is tentative, but the tension around his eyes makes Jiang Cheng think he's using every ounce of willpower he has to keep that smile on his face.

For a moment, Jiang Cheng almost snaps at him, asking him what the fuck he thinks he's doing, first barely helping and now wasting his time on this. Why he's been so absent, why he's been running away. Why he's pulled away so far.

His questions won't be answered at this rate, though, not with Wei Wuxian's track record for avoiding them. So… is there even a point in asking?

Jiang Cheng sighs, then lifts a hand to wave back. He'll have to come up with another strategy for this.

—

An opportunity comes a few days later, when Jiang Cheng receives word of a few fierce corpses terrorizing a nearby village.

It's the sort of thing his father would have normally just sent out a few disciples to handle, but Jiang Cheng doesn't have that much manpower anymore, nor the reputation that allows ordinary people to trust him or the Jiang Sect. He's been gaining disciples steadily, with so many rogue cultivators and recently orphaned children needing somewhere to go, but most of them are nowhere near ready to take on any sort of night hunt without help yet, and Jiang Cheng isn't willing to risk their lives when he could just take care of this himself.

He's not going to go completely alone, though, because if he dies the burden of taking care of the Jiang Sect falls onto Jiang Yanli, and he's not going to do that to her. Not yet, anyway.

Instead, Jiang Cheng seizes the opportunity to get Wei Wuxian alone by taking him along. He's never considered himself a particularly good liar, but his voice doesn't waver when he tells Wei Wuxian that he needs backup, that Jiang Cheng doesn't trust anyone else to watch him.

Maybe that was less of a lie than he thought.

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow at him for a moment, clearly wanting to make fun of him for being a total sap, but thankfully he holds himself back. "Sure, Jiang Cheng," he says. "I'll be there. Don't worry about that."

"I wasn't worried!" Jiang Cheng snaps. "I just needed you to know how important this is. We have to complete these night hunts if we want to actually rebuild."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right, Sect Leader Jiang," Wei Wuxian says with a snort. "We must complete night hunts to rebuild the reputation of the Jiang Sect and increase the trust that the common people have in us, and if we don't, we may as well send ourselves to the Burial Mounds right now, because that's where we'll end up."

"Wh- I never said that!" Jiang Cheng says, face flushing with anger.

Wei Wuxian bursts into loud laughter. "Everything but the last part, sure, but it was implied!"

"No it wasn't! Stop making stupid assumptions, Wei Wuxian. Are you trying to make me break your legs?"

Flinging an arm around his shoulders, Wei Wuxian says, "Chengcheng, if you break my legs, then I'll have to hang on to you while we take care of the fierce corpses! Do you want me on your back? Or will you carry me like a new bride?" He bats his eyelashes.

Jiang Cheng shoves him away, a flicker of something he can't quite identify coming to life in the base of his stomach. "Shut up. If anything, I'd use you as bait."

"So cruel!" Wei Wuxian says, hands clasped to his heart.

"I wouldn't be cruel if you ever paused to think before you speak," Jiang Cheng says dryly.

"Ah, but if I did think, who else here would make you smile like that?" Wei Wuxian points out, laughing triumphantly.

Jiang Cheng pauses. "Huh? I'm not-"

He… was?

His eyes widen as he registers an ache in his cheeks that he hasn't felt for a long time, the kind that comes with grinning hard for the first time in a long time. I'm out of practice, he thinks distantly, pressing his fingers to his cheeks to soothe the ache.

Wei Wuxian's laughter dies off and he takes a few deep breaths, calming down. He's still clutching his stomach as Jiang Cheng stares at him, still a little lost. Jiang Cheng hasn't smiled like that in… he doesn't even know how long it's been. Hell, Wei Wuxian hasn't been this cheerful for months, at least.

As they stand there, staring at each other, Wei Wuxian's eyes soften. "Come on, Jiang Cheng. Let's get ready and go. It'll be just like old times, yeah?"

"Yeah," Jiang Cheng echoes. "Just like old times."

—

When they meet at the docks of Lotus Pier to leave for the night hunt, Jiang Cheng looks Wei Wuxian over, and heaves a sigh.

"What?" Wei Wuxian asks.

"You don't have your sword, idiot. What kind of cultivator leaves for a night hunt without their sword? Do you want to die?" Jiang Cheng says, waspish. He drags a hand down his face, then reaches to his side, removing Suibian from where he'd hung it next to Sandu, and throwing it at Wei Wuxian. Ignoring the confused noise Wei Wuxian lets out when he catches it, he says, "Don't just leave it behind like that again."

Wei Wuxian looks at Suibian, then back at Jiang Cheng. "I'm not using my sword," he says. "What's the point? I have Chenqing."

"What's the point?" Jiang Cheng echoes, taken aback. "What do you mean, what's the point? That's your sword!"

"So?" Wei Wuxian asks. He raises an eyebrow at Jiang Cheng like he truly doesn't know what's so strange about what he just said.

For his part, Jiang Cheng is at a loss for words. How does one even begin explaining to a cultivator why they should care about having their sword with them…? Especially on a night hunt? It won't be the most dangerous they've taken on, sure, but low danger didn't mean no danger! What if Wei Wuxian's ghost cultivation failed, or he couldn't control the fierce corpses at all? What if he lost control?

He's about to open his mouth to tear Wei Wuxian a new asshole when Jiang Yanli walks up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. "You two really shouldn't argue so much, even if A-Xian did make such a silly mistake. Here, I brought you some snacks for the journey."

Jiang Cheng perks up and turns to face her as she steps forward to hand them over to Wei Wuxian. "Ah, thank you, A-jie." Wei Wuxian makes a noise of agreement.

"You're welcome! A-Xian, don't forget your sword again, alright?" she says. She frames it like a question, but it's clear that it's more of an order.

For a long moment, Wei Wuxian stares down at Suibian in his hands. "…Sure, shijie. I won't."

Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli share a glance, unsure of how true that actually is, but unwilling to question it and start yet another argument at the same time. Wei Wuxian looks between them, then back at Suibian, his grip tightening around the sword.

Bringing them both closer and taking their hands in hers, Jiang Yanli says, "Both of you, be careful. It might just be a few fierce corpses, but remember that a situation can change in an instant. You have to look out for each other, alright?"

"We will," Wei Wuxian says, smiling genuinely. The sight is familiar in a nostalgic way, striking Jiang Cheng right through the heart.

A-jie's power should be studied, Jiang Cheng thinks, ignoring his racing pulse. Seriously, how does she do it?

The two of them set off, calling out their goodbyes and waving at Jiang Yanli until they can't see her anymore. It's night, and the village is just along the river, so they take a boat instead of flying. The water is peaceful, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian spend much of the trip stargazing.

When they finally reach the village, they dock the boat and disembark, then walk towards the main village compound. On the way, they run into a few worried-looking villagers, who point them in the direction of where the fierce corpses are attacking again — near the other edge of the town, close to some of the other fields. They walk quickly for a few minutes in that direction, and as they get closer, it's easy enough to tell where they need to go, as they start hearing the moaning from the corpses and the frightened noises from the villagers.

They exchange a glance and break into a run, trying to get to the villagers as fast as possible. Wei Wuxian falls slightly behind, and while Jiang Cheng makes a note of it as being odd, he doesn't slow his pace. Wei Wuxian has always been able to match him, and was even faster than him the last time they raced. Why is he so far behind now?

Tucking the thought away for later, Jiang Cheng unsheathes Sandu. The fierce corpses aren't going to take care of themselves, after all.

—

Jiang Cheng is less than surprised when the night hunt takes a wrong turn, because that's just his luck at this point, isn't it?

The handful of fierce corpses had turned out to actually be more of a horde instead, and Jiang Cheng had spent entirely too much time trying to cut them all down before Wei Wuxian was able to harness their resentment and turn them against each other.

He's still playing Chenqing when Jiang Cheng glances back at him, the air around him thick with resentful energy and his eyes faintly aglow. He doesn't look quite as terrifying as the first time Jiang Cheng saw him after escaping the Burial Mounds, but whether that's because Wei Wuxian actually is less terrifying or if Jiang Cheng is just used to him now, he doesn't know. Wei Wuxian could probably start eating people and if it went on for long enough, Jiang Cheng would throw his hands up and accept that too. Still, he can't deny that he's getting a little worried about the amount of resentful energy that Wei Wuxian is using, and had used over the course of the Sunshot Campaign. Nothing good has come from there being a high concentration of resentful energy anywhere — just look at the Burial Mounds.

Jiang Cheng stops and just looks at Wei Wuxian for a moment, studying him from head to toe. He looks… well, about as normal as he can look, playing the dizi and controlling corpses like a puppetmaster holding a show for children in the market. The contrast between Wei Wuxian's normal, fun-loving, happy-ish self, and whatever this is, is frankly a little creepy. Jiang Cheng can't truly blame the other sects for being afraid.

Still, the old Wei Wuxian is still in there, Jiang Cheng just knows it. And one way or another, he's going to drag that side of him back to the surface.

As he's gazing at Wei Wuxian, movement behind him catches Jiang Cheng's eye. Is that-

"Look out!" Jiang Cheng says, lunging forward to grab Wei Wuxian's robes and haul him out of the way of more fierce corpses making their way towards them. Wei Wuxian lands next to him, facing down the wave of corpses as it nears.

"Can you keep going?" Jiang Cheng asks Wei Wuxian, tone urgent.

Wei Wuxian nods, breathing raggedly. "I'm just tired, Jiang Cheng! Don't worry, though, I'll manage."

"You don't need to rely only on demonic cultivation, though," Jiang Cheng says, frowning at the way Wei Wuxian sways. "Just draw your sword. We'll take care of this the traditional way."

"No way," Wei Wuxian says, raising Chenqing to his lips. "Don't worry! I've got this."

"What are you talking about?" Jiang Cheng says, grip tightening around Sandu's hilt. "Seriously, don't be an idiot. Just use Suibian."

"Over my dead body," Wei Wuxian says, voice sparking with annoyance. He blows a sharp, trilling note, and the ambient resentful energy responds, surging through the corpses and concentrating around Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng stares at him for a moment, once again at a loss. Why was Wei Wuxian so strongly refusing to use his sword, when prior to the Sunshot Campaign, they were practically inseparable? Wei Wuxian had forged such a strong connection to his sword. What could possibly tear them apart like this?

His mind swirls in confusion, thoughts and observations joining together to form a picture that can't be true. There's just no way, except it's the only thing that Jiang Cheng can think of, the only conclusion he can come to. Wei Wuxian only using resentful energy, refusing to draw his sword, barely helping with the reconstruction of Lotus Pier, and if he does help, only doing tasks that even a new disciple could handle… Could it be, that there's something wrong with-

Jiang Cheng shakes himself out of his thoughts and moves to attack. No matter how strong his confusion is, or how much he burns to question Wei Wuxian, focusing on the hunt in front of him takes priority.

—

A while later, once they've cleared out all of the corpses and spoken with the village head, they return to their boat, exhausted and covered in mud, blood, dirt, and other various fluids.

It's not the worst way that a night hunt has ended, but it certainly could have gone better. Unfortunately, he thinks, the fierce corpses are going to be a recurring problem, with the amount of dead still scattered across the countryside. With all of the remaining sects having been decimated, there just isn't enough manpower to clean it all up.

Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise, though. The village head had been very grateful to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian when they'd told him he shouldn't have any more problems with fierce corpses, promising to spread the word that the Jiang Sect was returning to power and would take care of any supernatural concerns, and even paying them with some of last year's rice harvest. With the reputation the sect has had, of being entirely ruined since the Wen Sect invaded Lotus Pier, Jiang Cheng would take any positive public recognition he could get. The more people coming to Lotus Pier for help, the better, even if Jiang Cheng has to take care of each petition with his own two hands.

And he might actually have to do everything himself, Jiang Cheng thinks as he looks over at where Wei Wuxian is slumped over the side of the boat, fingers trailing in the water. They're both exhausted, but even though Jiang Cheng is also somewhat out of practice with night hunting and not fighting other cultivators, he's still less tired than Wei Wuxian clearly is.

Really, Wei Wuxian looks rather like one of the corpses the two of them had just fought.

The thought, as it strikes him, is so ominous that Jiang Cheng immediately brushes it away. No, it's not right to compare Wei Wuxian to a fierce corpse, no matter how true Jiang Cheng might think it is — he's not inviting that thought to become reality.

Wei Wuxian looks up at him then, squinting at him in the dim pre-dawn light. "What is it?"

Jiang Cheng is silent for a moment. "Nothing," he says. "If… if something was wrong, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

Wei Wuxian lets out a tiny laugh. If Jiang Cheng didn't know better — and maybe he doesn't — he'd say it's nervous. "What do you mean? Of course I would."

Jiang Cheng doesn't respond right away, caught up in studying Wei Wuxian's face. It's one he knows as well as his own, perhaps even better, but maybe lately he's been having more difficulty reading his expressions. Normally, Jiang Cheng would be able to tell if he's lying.

"Right," Jiang Cheng says at last. He slumps down next to Wei Wuxian, stretching his legs out across the boat as it rocks slightly, water splashing around them. Gritting his teeth, he forces out the next few words, internally reminding himself that it needs to be said. "Just… remember that if there is anything wrong, you can always talk to me and A-jie. Don't forget. Haven't we always been here? Haven't we always seen you?"

Wei Wuxian blinks at him, startled by the sudden show of emotion. For his part, Jiang Cheng is surprised he actually managed to get the words out. Attempt the impossible, he thinks, the words grimly floating across his mind. Though, maybe the motto shouldn't apply to things like showing concern for your family.

Ah, whatever. He's the sect leader now. He can apply the motto to whatever he wants.

Wei Wuxian laughs, not making eye contact, and pats him on the shoulder dismissively, breaking Jiang Cheng out of his thoughts. "Ah, Jiang Cheng, I don't know how you fool anyone into thinking you're scary when you have such a soft and squishy heart!" Dodging Jiang Cheng's attempt to whack him in the gut for that statement, and ignoring the way the boat rocks ominously, he continues with, "I know I can tell you two anything, but really, there's nothing to tell! Didn't I already say that there's nothing wrong?"

"You did, but…" Jiang Cheng trails off, slumping against the side of the boat again. "Ugh. I'll believe you." He fixes Wei Wuxian with a stern look. "For now."

Wei Wuxian laughs again, wrapping an arm around Jiang Cheng's shoulders and pulling him closer. "So reliable, Sect Leader Jiang! With conviction like that, you'll have the sect up and running like usual in no time."

Jiang Cheng grumbles a little, but Wei Wuxian's faith in him is stabilizing, in a way. If Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian both believe in him, then maybe Jiang Cheng really can do anything — no one else's opinion truly matters, not like theirs do. If either of them didn't believe he was capable, then it would crush him, but if Jiang Cheng can't trust them to have faith in him, he can't trust anyone.

Still, everything is fine for now, he thinks as the sun begins to rise and cast golden light across the river. Jiang Cheng is too exhausted to worry any more until he's had a bath, sleep, and food, not necessarily in that order. All of his other worries can wait until the next day, when hopefully his brain won't feel like it's about to fall out of his body if he uses it too much.

Yeah. There's always tomorrow.

—

The thing about 'tomorrow' is that sometimes, you end up more pissed off than you thought was possible.

Jiang Cheng had thought that after their night hunt, things would at least begin to go back to normal, and for about a week, they had. Wei Wuxian's mood had improved, he'd put down the wine and helped out more with the rebuilding, and he'd even led the junior disciples through a few exercises. Things were looking up — really, they were.

And then he'd backslid, all of the progress Jiang Cheng had thought he'd made vanishing like morning dew on a sunny day. Wei Wuxian had gone back to alternating between his usual cheer and the surliness that was characteristic of the last year or so, avoiding helping out with the rebuilding, and skipping training. He's even been skipping meals this time, though only the ones he would have eaten with Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. Jiang Cheng's had to retrieve him from the lake more than a few times, where he'd been drinking wine from the lotus leaves. Most annoyingly, though he knows Wei Wuxian has to have it somewhere, Jiang Cheng also hasn't seen him carry Suibian even once in that time.

It's enough to make Jiang Cheng want to scream and lash out with Zidian, and the only thing really holding him back is the knowledge that Jiang Yanli would be disappointed in him if he did. Sisters and their expectations… what, is she expecting him to start babying all the disciples next? Maybe become a monk? Ugh.

Still, his anger is evident in the way he stalks around Lotus Pier, electricity practically crackling off of him as he moves. He's scaring people, he knows — would have known even if the newer disciples didn't jump at every sight of him, but it's not like he can stop. Jiang Cheng had thought that he'd been doing better, that they'd been doing better as a whole. And now Wei Wuxian was, what, pulling away again? What if he vanishes again, and this time, he doesn't come back?

Jiang Cheng's breath hitches as the thought he's been trying to avoid enters his mind, unbidden. No, that can't be the case. It won't be the case — Jiang Cheng won't let it happen.

After this latest failure, though, he's at a loss as to what to do. Asking Wei Wuxian hasn't worked, tailing him has told Jiang Cheng essentially nothing, taking him on a night hunt hasn't worked either, and just ignoring it is bound to go badly. But what else is there…?

Maybe it's time to talk to Jiang Yanli about this again. Yeah, Jiang Cheng knows about running the sect, but Jiang Yanli knows about people. She might have another idea.

Finding Jiang Yanli is the easy part — at this time of day, she's usually near the kitchens, helping their currently limited staff prepare lunch for everyone. The bad part is that she's not alone; Wei Wuxian is with her, looking over her shoulder as she stirs a pot of soup.

Shit. Jiang Cheng can't talk to her with him there!

He casts his mind around for a topic, any topic, that could serve as an excuse, but all of the ones his mind lands on are too idiotic to work. Still, he has to come up with something… "A-jie, can I speak with you for a moment? It's about…" Shit, come on! Think! "It's about Jin Zixuan."

Wei Wuxian stands up straight, immediately on high alert. "What happened? That bastard didn't do something else, did he?"

Jiang Yanli puts a calming hand on his arm. "I'm sure it's nothing like that, A-Xian." She looks at Jiang Cheng, and he motions with his head, silently asking to speak with her outside. "Will you watch the soup for a moment while I speak with A-Cheng?"

Wei Wuxian frowns. "…sure, shijie."

"We'll be back in a minute," Jiang Cheng says, rolling his eyes. "Don't poison A-jie's soup with too much spice, you hear me?"

Wei Wuxian, who had already been reaching for the spice container, whips around, putting his hand behind his back. "It's not poison if it tastes good!"

"That's not how that works!" Jiang Cheng says over the sound of Jiang Yanli's laughter. "Seriously, why are you like this…?"

Walking far enough down the hallway so they won't be overheard, Jiang Cheng turns to face Jiang Yanli. "So," he says.

"What is it?" she asks, worried. "What's happened with Young Master Jin?" She's wringing her hands in front of her, shifting her weight between each foot.

"Nothing," Jiang Cheng says. "He was just an excuse. I actually needed to ask you about Wei Wuxian."

"Oh!" Jiang Yanli says, breathing a sigh of relief. "What about A-Xian?"

"I thought he was doing better," Jiang Cheng says. "Apparently I was wrong. And now I don't know what to do."

She sighs. "I figured it had something to do with that. What's going on, A-Cheng? I've been so busy with everything, I haven't been able to talk with you both as much as I would like."

Jiang Cheng explains briefly what had happened on the night hunt, and how Wei Wuxian had gone back to normal for a time before backsliding again. It's almost a relief, to spill everything to his sister, though he can't help but wonder if he's just burdening her further. Even if she's never told him that he's a burden on her, even if she's the kind of person who would never consider another person to be a burden at all, Jiang Cheng doesn't want to weigh her down.

Jiang Yanli takes his story in, humming thoughtfully as he finishes. "I think I see the problem," she says.

"You do?"

"Maybe," she says. "Maybe you need to be more… direct?"

"More direct?" Jiang Cheng asks, incredulous. "I've asked him what's wrong so many times!"

"I know, A-Cheng," Jiang Yanli says. "What I mean is, you've gathered all this evidence, right? That something is clearly wrong, even if A-Xian won't tell you what it is. If you take that to him, and talk to him about it directly, then he can't brush you off. Right?"

"I- huh," he says, pensive. "You know, that's a good point."

"I know," she says, smug. "If this doesn't work… Well, we'll try something else. Don't give up just yet, alright?"

"I won't," Jiang Cheng says. He cracks a smile. "Isn't that what this sect is all about, anyway?"

"Exactly," Jiang Yanli says, smiling back. She gives him a pat on the shoulder, then starts walking back towards the kitchen. "Now, come have lunch. You haven't been eating enough."

He catches up to her easily enough, protesting on the way. "I eat plenty! Unlike some people."

"True," she says with a sigh. Before she opens the door to the kitchen, she turns to Jiang Cheng, the smile dropping from her face. "I know I haven't said a lot about it, but…" Jiang Yanli bites her lip, chewing on it a little before continuing. "I'm worried about him, A-Cheng."

"Me too," he says. Taking a deep breath, he tries to force the smile back on his face, though Jiang Cheng isn't sure he succeeds. "I'll take care of this, A-jie. One way or another."

—

That night, when the moon is high in the sky, Jiang Cheng sneaks over to Wei Wuxian's room.

Even after talking with Jiang Yanli earlier that day, Jiang Cheng had been distracted with the stress of what could go wrong if he wasn't able to pry an actual answer from Wei Wuxian. Because this would go on, no doubt — Wei Wuxian might talk a lot of nonsense, but when it came down to it, he wouldn't let anything slip. That was just the sort of person he'd grown into being, just as Jiang Yanli had blossomed into the world's best person and Jiang Cheng had become even more of a ball of anger than he had been originally. Which was really saying something, given how much rage had lived inside Jiang Cheng since birth.

So the whole day, he hadn't gotten anything productive done, and after dinner, he'd just ended up pacing back and forth in his office, trying to plan out exactly what he was going to say to Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng isn't exactly oblivious to himself, after all — in any situation, there's always a chance that he'll say something without thinking of the consequences, the conversation flowing away from his control. It might be just the way he is, but Jiang Cheng would like to prove that he can control himself for once.

The plan is that he gets to Wei Wuxian's room, does not barge in, and does not immediately lose his temper. He'll wait to be let in, present his list of evidence calmly, and allow Wei Wuxian to speak without interruption. And Wei Wuxian will capitulate this time — Jiang Cheng will make sure of it.

He knocks on Wei Wuxian's door, waiting for the answering rustle of cloth that says Wei Wuxian is coming to the door, or for him to call Jiang Cheng in. But there's nothing, no sign of life from inside. Not even a whisper to tell him if Wei Wuxian is there.

Jiang Cheng knocks again, louder this time. He might wake up the rest of Lotus Pier, but who cares, really?

Still no answer. Jiang Cheng gives Wei Wuxian one more moment to respond, then slides the door open himself.

Stepping inside, Jiang Cheng shudders as the weight of stagnant resentful energy settles on his shoulders like a thick blanket. Wei Wuxian must have been in the middle of an experiment, then, if it's still hanging around so heavily. He's usually pretty good about clearing the resentful energy away whenever he's done with an experiment and has created… whatever he's trying to make.

Jiang Cheng looks around the room, and- there. There's Wei Wuxian, slumped over on his bed. Which is unusual, because normally at this time of night, Wei Wuxian is still bouncing off the walls. The past few days had been tiring, it was true, but to the point where Wei Wuxian was asleep at this hour? Like one of the Lans he so loved to make fun of? Seriously?

He walks forward, stepping carefully around the scattered objects on the floor. There are books piled in all of the corners, and unused talisman papers laying around. More papers with barely legible scribbles on them lay on the floor, crumpled into little balls. Wei Wuxian must have been frustrated with something, then. There's not usually so much rubbish everywhere.

Jiang Cheng takes another step, wincing when his foot hits something metal. Whatever it is makes a ringing noise as it slides across the floor, and Jiang Cheng hurriedly stoops and picks it up as Wei Wuxian stirs slightly, on the verge of waking up.

When he looks down at the object in his hand, Jiang Cheng's blood runs cold, then immediately boils over. It's Suibian. What the hell is Suibian doing on the floor like this, instead of carefully placed on Wei Wuxian's sword rack like it deserves? Wei Wuxian knows how he should be treating his sword — Jiang Fengmian taught them together! And praised Wei Wuxian for how well he took care of Suibian even at such a young age! This is just too… too…

Careless! It's just plain careless!

The edges of Suibian's sheath dig into the palm of Jiang Cheng's hand as his grip involuntarily tightens. He grits his teeth, slowly breathing in and out, forcing his grip to relax.

Ugh. If Wei Wuxian isn't going to treat his sword properly, then Jiang Cheng will. Isn't this how it always is? Jiang Cheng cleaning up Wei Wuxian's messes?

He takes Suibian over to Wei Wuxian's sword rack, anger giving way to curiosity, and he lifts the hilt up to his face to study it further. It's been years since he's been so close to Suibian and was able to examine it — Wei Wuxian had always let him look at it when they had first gotten their swords, but after a few weeks of indulging Jiang Cheng's requests, he'd gotten bored of the whole thing and started changing the subject every time Jiang Cheng asked. Eventually, Jiang Cheng too had gotten bored and stopped asking.

Suibian really was a lovely sword, though. Jiang Cheng certainly loved Sandu above all others — loved the way it melded so effortlessly with Zidian when he wielded them both, loved the way it knew him so deeply it wouldn't ever accept another master — but there was something about the way that Suibian was forbidden to him that made him even more eager to look at it when he could.

Jiang Cheng turns to look at Wei Wuxian, the overwhelming urge to look at the sword rising through his body. Suibian has never unsheathed itself for anyone else, it's true, but how will he know, for sure, if he doesn't at least try to look?

The urge to look builds, even if he knows it's not going to work, even if he knows the sword will stay sheathed no matter how he tugs at the hilt. It's almost as if Suibian is calling to him, begging him to please unsheathe it, please open it up and take a look inside. Underneath that, his own desire surges, the voice in his mind saying, don't you want to look? Haven't you always wanted to look, all by yourself?

Deep in the back of his mind, something darker whispers, if you don't look now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

The thought strikes him like a hammer hitting an anvil, and he recoils, just slightly. Where it came from, Jiang Cheng doesn't know, but somehow, he does know that it's true. He will regret it if he doesn't look. If this is the only opportunity he's going to get, he needs to take it.

Without thinking any further, Jiang Cheng grasps Suibian's hilt tightly, and in one smooth movement, unsheathes the sword.

It moves more quickly than he would have expected, mostly because he hadn't truly been expecting it to move at all. But there it is, Suibian, naked in Jiang Cheng's hand. Despite its years of disuse, it still gleams like new, illuminating the room with its glow.

Jiang Cheng stares at it. What… was this? Why was he able to unsheathe Suibian? He shouldn't be able to, not unless something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

He turns to look at Wei Wuxian in bed, Suibian loose in his grip, fingers weak like Jiang Cheng could drop it at any moment, only to see Wei Wuxian sitting up and squinting at him. He's probably still half-asleep, right? That's why he looks like that. Disheveled, like he might fall over on the bed and fall back asleep any second now. He couldn't have seen what Jiang Cheng was just doing, right?

Wei Wuxian opens his mouth, and promptly washes Jiang Cheng's hope away. "What are you doing with my sword?"

—

Jiang Cheng paces back and forth, eyes fixed on the floor, still holding onto Suibian, words pouring out of him like a river after a dam breaks. "-and you never use your sword anymore! Why am I the one unsheathing your sword now?" He whirls around, jabbing at Wei Wuxian with one outstretched finger. "And don't give me some bullshit excuse!"

"I'm not bullshitting you!" Wei Wuxian snaps. "Listen, quiet down before you wake up the whole sect. I promise it's not what it looks like."

"Then what is it, Wei Wuxian?" Jiang Cheng says, attempting to modulate his volume. He lowers his voice to a hiss. "You've pulled away from me and A-jie, you avoid helping out at all costs, you only use resentful energy, and you've been leaving your sword around like it's a piece of trash! You love your sword! Stop lying to me!"

"I'm not lying!" Wei Wuxian protests. "I just… It's just…"

Jiang Cheng waits a moment for him to elaborate, but he remains silent. "It's just what?" he snaps.

"It's… uh, I don't know, Jiang Cheng!" Wei Wuxian says, running a hand through his hair and messing it up even more. "Things just changed after the Burial Mounds. I changed. I keep trying to forget about the things I saw, and the things I did, but it's not easy, you know."

Sighing, Jiang Cheng sits down next to him on the bed. "I know it's not easy. Nothing about this is easy. But I don't understand why you completely refuse to rely on me. Do you not trust me anymore? Is that what this is?"

"No!" Wei Wuxian says, taken aback. "Of course I trust you."

"But you don't tell me anything," Jiang Cheng says, anger now mixed with what he thinks might be grief. "We grew up together, you know me. You should be able to tell me anything! Speaking of, what's wrong with your sword? Why is it opening up for me?"

"I don't know, maybe it decided it likes you better now?" Wei Wuxian says, clearly running out of steam.

"I've never been able to unsheathe your sword before," Jiang Cheng points out. "It's so stubborn, it won't let anyone but you use it. It never has." He sighs. "Just tell me the truth. Something's wrong with your core, isn't it?"

Next to him, Wei Wuxian goes perfectly still, and Jiang Cheng immediately knows he's hit a nerve.

"It's the only thing that makes sense," Jiang Cheng continues. He stands up and starts pacing back and forth again. "So, what's wrong with it? Just tell me, and we'll find someone who knows how to fix it." He turns again, an idea striking him. "Maybe there's something in the Nie library? That whole family has a history of… weird qi deviations and things, right?"

He waits for Wei Wuxian to speak up in agreement, or to say that this — a fix — is what he's been looking into all along. Maybe this is what his experiments have been for. But Wei Wuxian is silent, staring down at the floor between his legs, slowly shaking his head.

Finally, he looks up again. "Oh, Jiang Cheng. You're so persistent, you know that?"

"Of course," Jiang Cheng says, cocking his head to one side, unnerved by Wei Wuxian's lack of verve. "How else would I be able to deal with you?"

Wei Wuxian turns away and huffs out what's probably supposed to be a quiet laugh, but comes out sounding like more of a sob. Raising an arm, he covers his face with his sleeve, and takes a deep breath before speaking. "I guess I really can't keep anything from you."

"Of course not," Jiang Cheng says, taking Wei Wuxian's hand and pulling it away from his face. He flushes, but forces the words out anyway. "Twin Prides, remember? Whatever it is, we can take care of it together."

"I'm not so sure of that," Wei Wuxian mutters, his words stabbing Jiang Cheng right in the heart, and exhales. "Alright, I'll tell you. Even if it makes you hate me, I'll tell you."

"Hate you? You're an idiot, but you're still my shixiong," Jiang Cheng says. "I could never hate you."

"You might change your mind after this," Wei Wuxian says. "Alright. Back after… after Lotus Pier fell, and you lost your core, you almost died. You would have died, honestly. I'd never seen you just give up on life like that, Jiang Cheng. I was so scared you would just die, if I took my eyes off you for even a moment."

Those days are still a bit hazy for Jiang Cheng, but he'll never forget the all-consuming despair he'd felt when he'd returned to Lotus Pier, that first time. It had sunk deep into his soul, clinging to him and informing his every action as sect leader. No matter how much better he thinks he's doing, he knows it's something he'll carry around for the rest of his life.

It's not far-fetched, then, to think that Wei Wuxian might really have been that terrified that Jiang Cheng would slip away, just like that.

"I didn't know what to do. I really didn't! I remembered I'd heard of something that might have helped you, though, but the only person who could do it was Wen Qing. So I took you to her."

Suppressing his instinct to growl at the mention of any Wen-dog, Jiang Cheng says, "I never met Wen Qing then, though."

"You did," Wei Wuxian says. He covers his face with his hands and continues speaking from there, voice muffled. "I just told you she was Baoshan Sanren instead."

So Baoshan Sanren was actually just… Wen Qing? So… what, he'd never actually met Baoshan Sanren, then? What the hell was Wen Qing even doing there?

A coldness begins to creep into Jiang Cheng's fingertips as ideas begin to creep into his mind.

"Why did you… tell me that?"

"It's not like you would have ever agreed to see Wen Qing on your own," Wei Wuxian says. "I had to give you some excuse. I wish I could've actually taken you to see Baoshan Sanren, but it's not like I actually knew how to find her. How could I? I've never met her, and my mother didn't know how to find her mountain again, either."

He falls back onto the bed, hands still covering his face. "I didn't know what else to do. But Wen Qing had this technique — still experimental, nothing she'd actually tried before, and I thought, maybe…"

Jiang Cheng steps forward urgently. "Wei Wuxian. How did I get a new core if I never actually met Baoshan Sanren?"

Wei Wuxian uncovers his face, hands instead gripping at his hair. They're fisted in there so tightly, Jiang Cheng doesn't know how he's not ripping it all out. He stares up at the ceiling like he wishes something would break through it and spirit him away. "It's not," he says, so quietly Jiang Cheng can barely hear him.

"It's not what?"

"It's not a new core," Wei Wuxian says. "It's- it was mine. I gave it to you."

The world tilts underneath Jiang Cheng, the coldness spreading through his hands and wrists. His vision blurs and darkens around the edges, and a ringing sound fills his ears, whining above the sudden sensation of his blood rushing in his body. It takes him a few moments to glance down and realize it's his clarity bell, jingling at his waist.

He can't move. He can't breathe, can't take a step. Can't press his fingers to his forehead and drag them down his face like he so wants to. His fingers go limp, and Suibian drops from his grasp, clattering onto the floor. Suibian won't be happy about that, he thinks, distantly. For a moment, it's as if all of the strength in his body has drained through his feet, and won't ever return.

Jiang Cheng breathes deeply, focusing on the sensation where Wei Wuxian has sat up to grip his forearms and hold him steady. After another few seconds, the ringing subsides, and Jiang Cheng almost feels like he's in control of his own body again, though the weakness lingers.

His first thought, when he returns to himself, is don't tell A-jie.

His second thought is an incomprehensible mixture of screaming, the rage and pain of the recent past bubbling up to the surface again, threatening to overwhelm him. He tries to speak, but a lump has risen in his throat, blocking even the slightest sound from escaping. He swallows a few times, ineffectively.

It takes another few moments before Jiang Cheng is able to speak. "What do you mean, you gave yours to me? What happened while I was unconscious?"

"There was this operation," Wei Wuxian says. "Just an experiment, really. Wen Qing didn't think it would actually work, but I forced her to go through with it. It wasn't her fault, it was me who insisted."

Jiang Cheng almost wants to speak, but all of the words he thought he knew have evaporated from his mind and left it entirely blank.

"We took my core, and implanted it in you," Wei Wuxian says. "The transplant was definitely successful, since you were able to use my core almost immediately once you recovered." He takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I just wanted you alive and happy again, Jiang Cheng. And here you are. I don't regret it."

Jiang Cheng, forcing his struggling lungs to cooperate, takes a deep breath in, then slowly breathes out. Repeating the process a few more times, he's able to find his voice again, though it still comes out sounding rather strangled. "Why… why would you do something like that? Why would you give up your core?"

He thinks a little more, and all of a sudden, the anger rises up in him again. "What the fuck, Wei Wuxian? What is wrong with you?"

Wei Wuxian sighs again. "I told you. I would rather not have my core and have you here, alive, rather than keep my core but have you dead. It's that simple."

Is it, though? Is it that simple? What Wei Wuxian has freely given up, for Jiang Cheng's sake… he can't even wrap his mind around it. If comprehension were a fish, it's slipping right through his fingers and back into the water — which is to say, he's badly failing to understand. Did Wei Wuxian place so little value on his lifetime of hard work, on the sheer amount of effort he'd put in to grow his core to such a size at such a young age? Wei Wuxian was a natural genius, sure, but cores didn't grow to this size on their own. It had been Jiang Cheng's shining achievement that he'd even managed to keep up with Wei Wuxian at all. Which was… probably why he hadn't noticed any major differences in size and feel, in hindsight.

And if Wei Wuxian had just given up his core to Jiang Cheng, then what the hell had Jiang Cheng's sacrifice even been for? Why did he even let himself get caught, to get the Wen soldiers away from Wei Wuxian? Why did he go through their torture? Why did Jiang Cheng sacrifice himself for Wei Wuxian, if he was just going to outdo Jiang Cheng with an even bigger sacrifice?

Below the lump still present in his throat, the bile in his stomach roils with the realization. He swallows again, still ineffectually. "I… Alright. You gave me your core. How do I give it back? We can just… reverse this. It'll be fine."

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. "There is no reversing it," he says. "My entire core was transplanted to you, and there's no way for me to take it back in. Even if there was, the only person who'd know how to do that is Wen Qing, and she's not exactly around to help us."

Okay. Okay, okay okay. So it was an irreversible change. Got it.

A sharp pain tugs at Jiang Cheng's scalp, and it takes him a moment to realize that his hands are fisted in his hair, tugging at it and loosening it from its ties. He probably looks like a total mess right now, huh? He certainly feels like it, anyway, his insides scrambled by this new knowledge.

So. Jiang Cheng now has Wei Wuxian's core, and there's no way for him to give it back. This is why he hasn't been using Suibian, why he hasn't been helping with the rebuilding (or, if he does help, only in the simplest ways), why he's been on edge, and tired, and pulling away. In hindsight, it does all make sense, but…

Another question comes to Jiang Cheng's mind. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

Wei Wuxian pauses, then hesitantly shakes his head.

"Were you going to tell A-jie? Does anyone else know?"

Shaking his head again, Wei Wuxian says, "No. No one else knows."

Jiang Cheng breathes out a sigh of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Good. Keep it that way." The fewer people who knew about this — the fewer people who took this as a sign of Yunmeng Jiang's weakness, that used this as an excuse to bring the hammer down on Yunmeng Jiang's head — the better. That's right. This has to stay a secret, because there's any number of people who would take any excuse to bring them down. The most prominent of which being Jin Guangshan, at present. Jiang Cheng can't afford to offend him, but he can't be too obsequious, either. It would be easier to strike a balance if Jiang Cheng were of the same generation as Jin Guangshan, but well. That ship has sailed, hasn't it.

He pauses as what Wei Wuxian had said earlier hits him. Wei Wuxian… hadn't ever meant to tell him what had happened? He was going to keep it a secret forever? Let Jiang Cheng stew in frustrated confusion as to why his shixiong was suddenly so diminished, after there was no further need for his corpses?

Seriously, what the fuck?

Is it a trust thing? Is that what's happening? Jiang Cheng knows his parents' discordant marriage did a number on them all, made it so that they all had difficulties with getting close to others, but he'd thought that Wei Wuxian had escaped the brunt of that by virtue of being reasonably happy-go-lucky. Ordinary unhappiness rolled off him like water off a duck's back. Wei Wuxian had never had any problems making friends, or getting close to others — getting close to Jiang Cheng — before.

Maybe that was less true than he'd thought, though.

Had they never actually been that close? Was 'Yunmeng Shuangjie' just an idea that Wei Wuxian humored from his silly shidi, and not something he actually believed in?

Jiang Cheng swallows around the lump still present in his throat. Then, he says, haltingly, "Wei Wuxian. You just…"

Wei Wuxian looks up at him, expressionless.

His mouth dries up, and he forgets what he had been about to say. Jiang Cheng manages to force something out about continuing as normal, and to keep this a secret. Somehow, his voice doesn't waver again, and Jiang Cheng is sure he'll be glad of that in the future. For now, though, he just barely registers Wei Wuxian's answering nod before he slips out of the room, just barely holding himself together.

The walk back to his room is a blur, and Jiang Cheng isn't sure he'll actually remember any of it come morning. He manages to make it back without waking anyone else up — at least, he thinks he does, and as the door to his room slides shut behind him, he slides down it slowly to sit on the floor.

He flicks a silencing talisman onto the door, but doesn't activate it, because using his spiritual energy- Wei Wuxian's spiritual energy-

Huh, his face is wet. When did that happen?

Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath, but the tears don't stop coming. He curls into a little ball right there, and sends a quiet prayer to his parents' spirits.

Mother, father, why didn't you prepare me for this? What do I do? What would you do? Please, I wish you would help me…

No one answers, of course, and Jiang Cheng falls into a fitful sleep, right there on the floor.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng slams his book shut in frustration, fighting the urge to throw it across the room. 

It's been a few days since his confrontation with Wei Wuxian — since his entire world was turned upside down, again — and in that time, Jiang Cheng has been stewing in his emotions with no recourse. It would have been nice if he could have run off into the woods for a few days and have a screaming, crying breakdown there, but alas, that's not how the life of a sect leader works. No matter what, his days would be filled with paperwork, training the new disciples, rebuilding, night hunting, and trying to welcome as many newcomers to the sect as he possibly could. It was still painful, though. Meeting with his new adjutants, while useful, had grated on his nerves so badly that later that night, he had thought he might be able to open up his body and pick out the shredded remains. 

At least Yu Lihua and Yu Juhua seemed quite competent, not unlike his mother's Spiders — they'd even received the same training in Meishan Yu. Nothing could replace Yinzhu and Jinzhu, but he wasn't looking for an exact replacement anyway. No matter how similar they already were, Jiang Cheng wouldn't — couldn't — become even more like his mother. Not when her life had led to such unhappiness. 

Jiang Cheng had tried multiple times over the course of the week to slip away to comb through the Yunmeng Jiang archives, to see if there was any information at all about what to do if your golden core was removed, or transplanted, or destroyed. The information would have been more useful before the Sunshot Campaign, of course, but he would take what he could get. Of course there was next to nothing, though he supposes that's to be expected. Wen Zhuliu's technique had been entirely unprecedented, after all, and no one from Yunmeng Jiang had been able to figure out how to counter it, not even Wei Wuxian. 

Or at least, if anyone had been able to, they wouldn't be in this mess right now, would they. 

Being unable to find anything is crushing in a way that Jiang Cheng hadn't anticipated. For all of his life, if Jiang Cheng had ever questioned something he was taught, he could always come to the Jiang library for an answer; if not that, then his mother or one of his teachers would know. The library was intact, at least. The Wens hadn't bothered burning the place down, and Jiang Cheng hadn't needed to cleanse any resentment from there, so their killing spree clearly hadn't extended this far. Still, there was next to no information about anything to do with the restoration of golden cores — at least, not in the way Jiang Cheng needed. 

There had been a common thread among all of the manuals he'd investigated, but he doesn't really want to think about that right now. 

Jiang Cheng casts his mind around, frantically trying to think of who else he could possibly ask for advice, but no one comes to mind. Everyone he otherwise would have trusted had died, either when Lotus Pier had been taken over or at some point during the war, and asking anyone from a different sect was still out of the question. 

He'd briefly entertained the idea of flying to Gusu to see if he could look through the Lan library, but since so much of it had been burned… Well, Gusu Lan might be in even more dire straits currently than Yunmeng Jiang, from an academic perspective. No matter how much Zewu-jun had managed to save, there was still so much that had been lost. Of all the sects, though, they were the only ones that Jiang Cheng could trust not to take advantage of him and Wei Wuxian, with all of their rules around maintaining integrity and acting morally. Still, even if he could find anything in their records, if they questioned him any further about what he was looking for… Jiang Cheng didn't think he'd be able to give an answer. 

Everyone had changed during the Sunshot Campaign, even the people he had least expected. There was no doubt that the Lans' priorities had shifted, just as everyone else's had. 

So. There's no easy solution to be found, both inside of the sect and outside of the sect. What to do next…? 

Jiang Cheng contemplates the question as he returns to his office, book still in his hand, trying not to stomp the whole way. The single answer he'd found in all the books, scrolls, and manuals he'd looked through flies around his mind, taunting him. Yeah, it is an option, but not one he's going to take! There's no way! It's too embarrassing! And complicated! 

He huffs out a breath like an angry bull, his insides feeling rather like they're melting from sheer mortification. 

As he nears his office, he's surprised to see Jiang Yanli pacing back and forth outside. It's not frantic pacing, but she does have one hand to her mouth and is chewing at her nails — a habit he'd thought their parents had gotten her out of when they were young. Something must be wrong, then. 

"A-jie?" Jiang Cheng asks as he draws closer. 

Jiang Yanli looks up, ripping her hand away from her mouth and twisting it with the other. "Oh, A-Cheng! There you are!" 

Abruptly remembering that he's still carrying the book, he hides it behind his back, trying to look like he'd planned to do that all along. "I was just in the library," he says. "What's the matter?" 

At that, she visibly hesitates, hands wringing. Jiang Cheng catches an aborted movement to bring a hand up so that she can bite at it again. Seriously, what's with her today…? 

It takes a moment, but finally, she says, "It's A-Xian again." 

Jiang Cheng fights the immediate, instinctive flinch that threatens to escape. "What about him?" 

"I know you said you talked to him, and that you were working on fixing things, but…" she hesitates again. "He's still acting like…" 

"Like a cornered animal?" 

"Well… I suppose that's how I would describe it, yes," she says. "He's been trying to help with sword training for the new juniors today — I guess something you said got through to him? But he refuses to demonstrate anything, so they're all getting more confused. And when they ask him about it, he's been getting a bit… panicked. I'm a little worried they're going to rebel against him and throw him in the lake." She shakes her head. "I do trust that you're taking care of it, but… are you sure there's nothing I can help with?" 

"Very sure," Jiang Cheng says. "Don't worry, A-jie. I'll solve this." No matter what, he would not drag her into this mess. It was his and Wei Wuxian's problem, his guilt and shame, and it was going to stay that way. No one else needed to know, not even his sister. 

The juniors, on the other hand, are a different problem that he will need to handle later. Maybe it's time for him to knock some heads. 

Jiang Yanli lets out a breath. "Well, alright," she says. She smiles, rueful. "When did you grow up so much, A-Cheng? I remember when you and A-Xian only came up to my knee, and fought all the time. I was always the one who solved things then. Ah, you both were so cute…" 

Jiang Cheng smiles in return, nostalgia filling him from the bottom up. "Those were good times," he says. 

"They were," Jiang Yanli says, leaning against the wall. "I miss them, sometimes."

Jiang Cheng hums in agreement. The times when they were all children had been nice — he wouldn't go so far as to call them idyllic, not when his parents' marriage had been… well, how it was, but it had still been peaceful. Secure. He'd always had plenty of people he could fall back on — not that he ever would, his pride being so strong, but it was nice to know that they were there. Life had been simpler, for all three of them. 

Jiang Yanli worries at her bottom lip with one tooth and says, "A-Cheng. I know you're an adult now. I know you can take care of yourself. But you and A-Xian… I worry about you two. Please, if there's something truly wrong… know that you can rely on me? Whatever it is, I'll do anything to help." 

"I know, A-jie," Jiang Cheng says. And it's true — ordinarily, he would spill everything to Jiang Yanli, sure that of all people, she would be able to find a solution. 

But not for this. Especially not if the one solution that Jiang Cheng has found ends up being the only thing he can do to help Wei Wuxian. No, Jiang Cheng won't expose her to anything that could possibly besmirch her honor. She's already had one engagement broken. Jiang Cheng would do anything to avoid causing yet another stain on the fabric of her life. 

In front of him, Jiang Yanli sighs, melancholic. "I have to go down to the infirmary - Zhao-daifu asked me to help her with some things. I'll see you later, alright?" 

"See you later," he says, frowning at her back as she turns and walks away. It's not unusual to see her so downcast now — the war had taken many things from them, one of them being the light in Jiang Yanli's eyes. Jiang Cheng would do anything to restore it, but how could he, when most of the time he himself was just barely treading water? And even if he was doing better, it wasn't like he's any good with people. Knowing himself, he'd say something thoughtless and make her feel even worse. 

Still, he hopes she's not thinking something stupid like thinking that she's a burden, or useless to them or something just because she's not a strong cultivator. Jiang Cheng has done his best to disabuse her of the notion whenever it has come up, but he's not entirely sure he's been successful. What's one voice against what she's been told her whole life by their parents and the entire rest of their society, after all? 

He sighs. All he can do now is hope that she comes to him if she has any worries, instead of just swallowing them all down like normal. 

…which, come to think of it, is exactly what she'd just asked him to do with her, but is he going to listen? Debatable. 

He opens the door to his office and sits down at his desk, staring at the book he's still clutching too tightly. His fingers have creased the cover — unfortunate, but he can't bring himself to regret it. It was either crease the cover, or punch a wall, and he'd chosen the path of least property damage. 

Jiang Cheng sinks deep into his own thoughts, turbulent as they are. He hasn't been able to settle himself since he found out the truth, not that that's especially unusual. He's always had a hard time calming down after experiencing any mental turmoil, which is much of what he grew up with. This is just his usual state of being, but taken to another level. 

The only thing is, he's not sure how to reconcile this revelation with continuing along the path he's set out for himself, the same one that had been set for him since birth. Does Jiang Cheng even deserve to be sect leader, if his power doesn't come from his own hard work? If it's only his bloodline tying him to his position? If his ability comes from stepping on his shixiong's back, no matter if Wei Wuxian had been willing? 

It's unconscionable. Even if Wei Wuxian seems to be willing to see himself as a piece of trash, easily used and thrown away, Jiang Cheng won't stand for it. There's no way he can hold his head up high now, not while Wei Wuxian is forced to use resentful energy to defend himself because of something stupid that Jiang Cheng did. Because he'd thought that by giving himself up, Wei Wuxian would be fine. 

Gods. They'd both been so, so stupid! 

And… maybe it's true, what Wei Wuxian had said about him after he'd lost his core. Jiang Cheng's memories of those days aren't quite clear, a hazy filter of despair layered over them all except for a few standout moments, so maybe it's true that he would have given up. That he would have just rolled over and died. 

Maybe Jiang Cheng would have been okay with it, if it meant that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian would have made it through unscathed. 

Still. He's not complaining about his continued existence. It's just… he would have preferred it didn't come at the cost of one golden core, with an experimental surgery — a golden core transplant — thrown into the mix. 

Because… what did it mean for him now? What did it mean for Wei Wuxian, if there was really no way for him to recover his core or develop a new one? What did it mean for Yunmeng Jiang, facing pressure from all sides to give in to the other sects?

He sets the book down and presses a hand to his lower dantian, where he can feel his — Wei Wuxian's — golden core, thrumming with power. Maybe it's just his imagination, but for a moment, it twists in agony, his qi spiking abnormally in his spiritual veins. 

Jiang Cheng breathes deeply, wrestling his qi back down to its normal state. He can't let himself have a qi deviation — not now, not when so many people still need him. 

Even several days out from the revelation, Jiang Cheng feels a bit like a new agony has worked its way into his soul and made a home for itself there, among all the other miseries he's experienced in his short life so far. Learning that your golden core, one that you'd worked so hard to form, lost, and gone to some length to restore, isn't actually yours at all isn't the sort of thing anyone would get over, after all. 

Not using it feels like a betrayal of Wei Wuxian's efforts and sacrifice. Using it, though, feels like a reminder that he'll never be good enough, that he'll never be the sect leader that Yunmeng Jiang needs, that it's his fault that Wei Wuxian is stuck like this. 

It's his fault that Wei Wuxian won't ever be the same, isn't it. 

No matter that his sacrifice makes Jiang Cheng want to vomit, and scream, and rage. How dare Wei Wuxian take away his choice like that? How dare Wei Wuxian just act on his own will, without once considering what it would do to Jiang Cheng? 

Forget what Wei Wuxian thinks of himself. Did he really think Jiang Cheng would be okay with this? Did he really think Jiang Cheng wouldn't ask any questions? Would just… accept things as they were? 

Jiang Cheng sighs, and drops his head into his hands. 

Maybe, in another world, Jiang Cheng wouldn't have asked any questions. Maybe he would have been more overwhelmed, angrier, still caught up in the throes of grief, his wounds still raw and chafing. Maybe in that world, Jiang Cheng would let Wei Wuxian go, just like that. 

The thought is nearly enough to make him sick, mostly because he knows it's entirely possible. It was just happenstance that he picked up on anything at all. If he hadn't… well, Jiang Cheng doesn't want to think about that anymore. What-ifs don't matter, when he has enough problems to solve right here. 

There's no easy solution for Wei Wuxian's golden core, that much is clear. No Baoshan Sanren waiting to swoop in from her mountain, no pill, or flower, or potion. If there was, Jiang Cheng has no doubt that Wei Wuxian would have found it — and used it — already. No, there's never an easy solution when he wants one, is there? 

His eyes fall to the book again. 

A memory rises up, taking form behind Jiang Cheng's eyes. He'd been maybe ten years old, still curious in the way innocent children were, but already aware of his jealousy of Wei Wuxian — of the way his father cared for him, and of the way that no matter what, his mother was paying attention to him, if angrily because she couldn't deny that he was their most talented disciple. 

Jiang Cheng had asked his Zhang-shixiong if there were any ways to form his golden core more quickly, because Wei Wuxian already had his, and Jiang Cheng needed to catch up. Otherwise, both of his parents would be more disappointed in him than they already were, and he couldn't stand that. 

Zhang-shixiong had closed his eyes and taken a deep breath at Jiang Cheng's last statement, but hadn't addressed it, only moving on to Jiang Cheng's original question. He'd pinched the bridge of his nose like he was developing a headache, then had abruptly started pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair. 

Jiang Cheng had wrinkled his nose at the theatrics, but had stayed silent. Zhang-shixiong was the expert on these things, or so two of his shijie had told him, giggling behind their hands. 

Finally, Zhang-shixiong had answered his question, except he hadn't, not really. What he had said had been something along the lines of, "Uh, I don't know, shidi, you're too young to know about that, aren't you? Do you even- uh, has anyone spoken to you about the clouds and the rain yet?" 

"Clouds and rain? What do those have to do with growing my golden core?" Jiang Cheng had asked. 

Zhang-shixiong had laughed nervously. "Ah, hah, you'll understand when you're older! There is a way to grow your golden core fast, but that method is for adults only, alright? Not kiddos like you! For you, the only way is through hard work and training." 

Jiang Cheng remembers pouting and demanding to know if Zhang-shixiong was sure, if he really couldn't think of anything else he could do to improve quickly, but the rest of the memory is faded, hazy when he tries to think about it. He'd forgotten about his question pretty quickly after that, consumed with trying to catch up to Wei Wuxian when he attended training later that day. There was no quick solution that he could use, so it didn't bear thinking about any more. 

Now that he's an adult, on the other hand, he understands much better what Zhang-shixiong had been getting at, and is rather grateful that as a child, he'd been rather oblivious, and quick to forget anything that he wasn't fully interested in. 

Is this truly… their only option? 

The fact that it might be sends a shiver running through Jiang Cheng's body. He can't quite tell if it's a good, anticipatory shiver, or a bad, apprehensive one. Frankly, it could be both at once. 

Even if it isn't their only option, they're running out of time. Sooner or later, the other sect leaders — namely Jin Guangshan — are going to start asking questions. Maybe even asking to use Wei Wuxian's power for their own gain. Jiang Cheng wouldn't be surprised if the minor clans had plans in place to spread — maybe even go to war — with the power of Wei Wuxian's corpses backing them. Not that he'd ever actually agree to that, but Jiang Cheng didn't want him forced into going against the other sects and putting everyone at risk. And, though he's been trying to maintain the illusion of power, with Jiang Sect still so weak, Jiang Cheng wouldn't be able to fend them off for long. 

No, this has to be solved soon, before everything goes out of control. Or worse, before Wei Wuxian takes matters into his own hands. 

And in any case… isn't this Jiang Cheng's responsibility, anyway? It's his fault that Wei Wuxian lost his core, so it's his duty to fix things. Just like when they were kids, Jiang Cheng will clean up the mess that they've both left. 

His resolve strengthened, Jiang Cheng opens the book, and begins reading again. 

—

"Dual cultivation," Jiang Cheng says without preamble, trying and failing to suppress the blotchy redness coming to the surface in his cheeks. 

There's a loud splash as Wei Wuxian tumbles off the end of the pier, where he had been sitting, into the lake. He sputters as he rises out of the water, wiping his now soaking wet hair out of his face. "Jiang Cheng?!" he sputters. "What do you mean, 'dual cultivation'?" 

"That's the answer to your… little problem," Jiang Cheng says. The words come out stilted, betraying his discomfort with the subject. "I've been scouring the library for a few days now, but there's next to no information on rebuilding a golden core. I don't think we had that much outside of the usual cultivation manuals to begin with, really. I thought about trying to look through the Lan library, but. Well. You know how much is left of that, and I don't trust them not to take advantage of us, anyway." 

Almost instinctively, Wei Wuxian opens his mouth to try and defend the Lans, but Jiang Cheng raises a hand to forestall him. "Whatever you have to say about the Lans, I don't care, just listen. Anyway, what I do know is that dual cultivation is supposed to help with building a golden core quickly, and you're supposed to be a genius cultivator, aren't you? So do that. Cultivate." 

It's good that Wei Wuxian shut up for long enough that Jiang Cheng could finish everything he had to say, because if he hadn't, Jiang Cheng would have started screaming, and then the whole sect would know what they'd been talking about. Jiang Cheng doesn't think he could take that kind of embarrassment. 

Wei Wuxian gapes at him, bright red and more than a little fish-like with his wet… everything. He sighs. Really, had Wei Wuxian not come to this conclusion on his own? If Jiang Cheng had thought of it, then Wei Wuxian surely had too, right? 

Except… maybe he hadn't. Maybe this was the limit to Wei Wuxian's boldness. 

Jiang Cheng sighs and holds out a hand. "Come on, get out of the lake," he says. "Seriously, are you trying to get sick and die?" 

Wei Wuxian gapes at him for a moment longer, then shakes himself like a dog and takes Jiang Cheng's hand. "You won't get rid of me that easily," he says, a grin plastered to his face — though, Jiang Cheng isn't entirely sure that it's real. "Come with me? I need you to explain how you came up with this, of all things. Are you possessed or something?" 

Jiang Cheng pulls him out of the lake, wiping his now-damp hand on his clothes. He can't make eye contact right now, for some reason, so he looks Wei Wuxian up and down instead, frowning at the mud now dripping from his pants. "We can talk as you bathe," he says. Wei Wuxian nods, and the two of them return to his room, Jiang Cheng calling for a bath on the way. Normally, they would just go to the Jiang public bathhouse, but already knowing where this conversation is going to go… well, Jiang Cheng doesn't feel like embarrassing himself any further today. 

The walk there is awkward, to say the least. Jiang Cheng stares straight ahead, face stony, but he can feel Wei Wuxian sneaking glances at him from the side. He refuses to turn and look at him, though; right now, when he's already about to combust just by virtue of Wei Wuxian being right next to him and aware of his plan, seeing Wei Wuxian's face is a bad idea. 

When they get to Wei Wuxian's rooms, they only have to wait a few moments for the servants to come with warm water, smoothly setting up the bathtub behind a screen and leaving without a word. Jiang Cheng thanks the heavens that his new servants are so calm about these things, then sits down nearby, waiting for Wei Wuxian to actually get in the bathtub. Now, hopefully they won't speak of this to anyone, and then everything will really be fine. 

There's a soft splashing noise as Wei Wuxian gets in the bathtub, then… nothing. Jiang Cheng fights the urge to look up at the screen to check on him, because with what he's about to say — about to offer — he may shrivel and die if he actually sees another person right now. 

There's still no noise from the direction of the bathtub, and Jiang Cheng frowns. "What, are you drowning in there or something?" he says. 

A beat passes. Jiang Cheng is about to go and check on him, privacy be damned, when Wei Wuxian says, "I'm… fine. It's nothing. Now, will you explain?" 

Jiang Cheng frowns, but doesn't question it. "I already did most of the explaining," he says. "If I can't give your core back to you, then you'll just have to build a new one." 

"Not my core," Wei Wuxian says. "It's yours now." 

"Yeah, that's not- that's not how I see it," Jiang Cheng mutters, a familiar rage returning before he can stifle it. Louder, he says, "Anyway, there was no other solution I could find to speed up golden core growth other than dual cultivation. At our age, cultivating normally won't be enough, so you can just add the dual cultivation in to, uh, help." 

He can't see Wei Wuxian, but Jiang Cheng can certainly feel his disbelieving stare. 

"That's insane, Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian says. "I'm not going to go find some random girl to dual cultivate with and then throw her away afterwards. That's such a shitty thing to do! And besides, I'm fine without my core. Or did you miss how much I helped us get through the war?" 

"You're not fine, and stop pretending like you are," Jiang Cheng snaps. "We've already talked about this. You can lie to everyone else, but not to me. Not again." 

He takes a deep breath. He's really going to say this, huh…? "And who said anything about a random girl? I'll be the one to help you." 

There. He said it. Jiang Cheng really said it, out loud, without stumbling over his words. 

It still doesn't feel quite real, that those words came out of his mouth, even though he'd been thinking about this ever since Jiang Cheng had decided to bring up dual cultivation with Wei Wuxian. He'd never thought his face would be thick enough to propose something like this, but maybe he'd finally beaten Wei Wuxian in something. Even if that something was pure shamelessness, and not something actually good like cultivation or his sword skills. 

The plan makes sense to Jiang Cheng, though. His cultivation had always been more yin-based, while Wei Wuxian's was always more yang-based. It had always been yet another aspect his father had compared them on, especially since his mother had also been more yin-based, but maybe it's not such a bad thing, as useful as it is in this situation. They're compatible for dual cultivation — somehow — so there's no need to bring someone else into this. 

(Technically, Jiang Yanli would also be compatible, and if they asked her to help, she would probably say yes. But, Jiang Cheng knows his sister well enough to say that even if she and Wei Wuxian agreed, she would hate it, though she would never express that — and so would Wei Wuxian, for that matter. Jiang Cheng won't put either of them in that position. He's had enough of senseless sacrifice.) 

Other cultivators could also be candidates, but none of the new disciples would agree, mostly too afraid of Wei Wuxian to want to come near him, let alone dual cultivate with him. And anyone from outside of Jiang Sect is out of the question. It's just too much of a security risk. 

So, Jiang Cheng is the only realistic candidate — it just makes sense for him to pay back his debt like this. 

As he finishes his explanation, Jiang Cheng hears a sputtering noise and water splashing frantically from the bathtub. Afraid that Wei Wuxian actually has started drowning, he rushes to peer around the screen and check on him — only to see Wei Wuxian, hands twisted into his hair, water on the floor from where he's clearly been flailing around, so red he's practically glowing with it. 

"Wh- Have you lost your mind? What, you've forgotten how to bathe, now?" Jiang Cheng asks, incredulous. 

"Aiya, Jiang Cheng, I should be asking you if you've lost it! What do you even mean, 'I'll be the one to help you'?" Wei Wuxian says, looking up at him, eyes wild. 

Flustered, Jiang Cheng looks down at the ground. "I… meant what I said. Obviously, we can't ask some girl to help you, and any cultivator from a different clan is out of the question anyway. So, it's up to me." He looks up, only to see Wei Wuxian staring at him, mouth agape. "Stop looking at me like that! Do you think I'm doing this for fun, or something?" 

His volume rises along with his temper. "Wei Wuxian! Do you think it's fun, cleaning up your messes? Especially when I'm the one dragged in against my will? Do you think I should be grateful to you? Prostrating myself at your feet, thanking you for giving up your fucking core for me?" 

"Of course not," Wei Wuxian snaps back with a frown. "You were the one who pressed me into telling you. Otherwise, you never would have known, and everything would have been fine." 

"If I didn't start asking questions, someone else would have," Jiang Cheng says. "And I will not put the sect at risk because of your recklessness." 

"My recklessness? I made a promise to your parents to protect you, no matter what! If you hadn't been caught by the Wens, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Wei Wuxian says, then covers his mouth. Clearly, that hadn't been meant to actually make it out. 

Jiang Cheng opens his mouth to speak, to tell Wei Wuxian why he'd been caught in the first place, but the words stick in his throat, refusing to escape. He swallows, trying to clear the way for the words to come out, but they sink down, and make a home for themselves somewhere in his ribcage. 

What use is it, for him to speak them aloud? All it would do is make Wei Wuxian feel guilty, and make both of their sacrifices meaningless. A cheap way for him to get one over on Wei Wuxian. 

No. Victory like this — putting Wei Wuxian down, making him feel guilty and helpless the way Jiang Cheng has felt for the last week — is meaningless. 

Jiang Cheng looks down. "Wei Wuxian. No matter whose fault this is…" He trails off again. Gods, why is honesty so difficult? "I cannot live with myself if I don't try to help you. Now that I know, I can't turn away. You're my shixiong, my responsibility. Do you not believe that I would even want to help?" 

"I don't think you can really call me shixiong anymore, now that you're sect leader," Wei Wuxian says. 

"Shut up," Jiang Cheng says automatically. "Sect leader or not, you'll always be my shixiong. Anyway, that's not the point. It's my job to help you, even with all this." 

Wei Wuxian stares at him for a long moment. "I… Jiang Cheng, are you sure?" 

"I'm sure," Jiang Cheng says. "Listen, if you really don't want to, then… I won't pressure you. We'll figure something else out. I'm not giving up on you, no matter what. Twin Prides, remember?" 

"It's not that I don't want to," Wei Wuxian says. "I'm just not sure I'm not hallucinating. Again. Is this… real?" 

"You've been hallucinating?" Jiang Cheng says, alarmed. 

"Just a little," Wei Wuxian says. "It was either that or a haunting, and I'd be able to sense that." 

He fidgets a little when Jiang Cheng stares at him. "What? I thought something from the Burial Mounds followed me out! No big deal, I can handle it myself." 

"You have no idea how unnerving that is, do you," Jiang Cheng says, making a mental note to sweep the family quarters for wayward spirits again. "Anyway, that just proves my point. You're not yourself right now. You haven't been for a long time. Obviously, I don't know what you saw down there, but it's clearly still affecting you. Don't you think you'd be able to handle it better if you had a golden core again?" 

"Eh, maybe," Wei Wuxian says, unconvinced. "I just… don't want to become a burden on you, you know?" 

"Say that again and I'll break your legs," Jiang Cheng says, stony. "Burden, my ass. You should've thought about that before you had the surgery." 

"Yeah, yeah… Alright, if you're really willing, then let's do it," Wei Wuxian says. "But seriously, Jiang Cheng, you're so bold today! I never would've guessed that you'd suggest we dual cultivate." 

The blood rushes to Jiang Cheng's face once again. "Don't remind me. It's all I could come up with." 

Wei Wuxian laughs, splashing around in his glee. It's so much like his old self that Jiang Cheng almost softens for a moment, reveling in it. 

Then he sobers, familiar annoyance clawing its way into his skin. "Ugh, stop laughing! And get ready. We're going to have to start soon." 

Wei Wuxian stops laughing and shrinks into his bathwater. "Wh- Jiang Cheng! Give me some time to prepare myself, at least!" 

"Not now, you idiot!" Jiang Cheng snaps, ignoring the burning sensation spreading throughout his body. "Later. We'll start tonight. I'll come to your room."

Wei Wuxian nods. "I'll keep an eye out, then." 

"Good," Jiang Cheng says. "And keep this a secret. No one but the two of us needs to know about this… arrangement." 

Something shutters in Wei Wuxian's eyes, but Jiang Cheng doesn't know exactly what, and he doesn't know how to ask. Still, he nods again, outwardly as high-spirited as he used to be, and says, "Got it!" 

Jiang Cheng nods decisively. "Finish your bath," he says. "I'll see you later." He turns, sweeping through Wei Wuxian's room as majestically as possible, missing the way Wei Wuxian's expression crumples behind him, clutching at his bangs and eyeing the water as if it could take him somewhere far away, if he submerges himself for long enough. 

For his part, the moment he shuts the door behind him, Jiang Cheng stumbles against the wall, hoping he didn't knock into it loudly enough to alert Wei Wuxian. His legs tremble with the strain of holding himself up, the strength having drained out of them sometime during their conversation. He raises one hand to his brow, the other holding onto the wall for dear life, and it comes away damp with nervous sweat. 

That had been perhaps the most stressful conversation that Jiang Cheng had experienced in… ever, really. It was as if even a single misstep could send Wei Wuxian spiraling away from their sect — away from him. Jiang Cheng, completely unused to watching his words, had stepped as carefully as he could through the conversation- though if he succeeded, and Wei Wuxian wouldn't run far away in the middle of the day, remains to be seen. 

Well. If Wei Wuxian isn't in his rooms tonight, Jiang Cheng will know. 

He shudders, then continues walking as the strength slowly returns to his legs. There's still work to be done today, after all, and he can't just toss it aside, no matter how much he might want to. 

— 

The thing about doing work is that you have to be able to concentrate to get anything done, which is the one ability Jiang Cheng lacks that afternoon. 

He meanders through the rest of the afternoon with his eyes wide open, but his mind far away, half convinced that all of the sect can see on his face what he's planning to do with Wei Wuxian later that night. Maybe they should have just started on this plan right when he'd proposed it to Wei Wuxian; maybe then, he wouldn't be thinking about it so much. Anticipating it. Imagining every aspect of how it will happen. 

How will it feel, when Wei Wuxian touches him? Lays a hand on his chest and drags it down to his stomach? Will he insist on undressing Jiang Cheng himself? Will his fingers be gentle and soft, or harsh and demanding? 

Will Wei Wuxian whisper into his ear, or will this be the situation to finally render him silent? Or will Jiang Cheng end up being the loud one? The thought makes him flush from head to toe, but… it's true, that he doesn't know how he'll react. The uncertainty is as unnerving as it is intriguing. 

Unconsciously, Jiang Cheng licks his lips. 

Abruptly, he's brought back to reality when the disciple standing in front of his desk clears his throat. Jiang Cheng looks up sharply, hoping his thoughts aren't too obvious on his face. 

"What?" he says, gruff. 

The disciple — Liu Minghao — turns a bit red and looks off into the corner. He fidgets a little as Jiang Cheng stares at him, waiting for him to speak. "Um- Sect Leader, the other disciples had a question…" 

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow, even as he shakes off being called 'sect leader'. It still feels so unnatural, even after three years. So Liu Minghao has been sent as a representative, huh…? It makes sense, though. Liu Minghao is one of the newer disciples, but still the one who's the furthest along in core formation in his age group. The other disciples look up to him. Even Jiang Cheng thinks he has rather admirable strength of character for a twelve-year-old. It's just too bad that he's so much of a shrinking violet, he rarely shows it. 

"What is it?" he says. 

"Um, well, it's just that…" Liu Minghao mumbles something. It's too indistinct for Jiang Cheng to make out, even with enhanced hearing. 

"Spit it out," Jiang Cheng barks, his patience quickly growing thin. 

Liu Minghao screws his eyes shut. "The other disciples were wondering about Wei-shixiong, Sect Leader!" 

"What about him?" Jiang Cheng says, taken aback. 

"It's just… Yu-ayi was telling us the other day that the two of you used to be joined at the hip," he says. "She said that you were never far apart, and even if you fought, you always made up quickly. Even I… kind of remember that. But lately, it feels like you two hate each other! Yang-shimei even asked me if you were going to kick Wei-shixiong out! It took a full shichen for me and Wang-shidi to calm her down." 

Seriously?!

Someone, anyone please save Jiang Cheng from his meddling disciples. 

He opens his mouth to start yelling, then forces himself to close it again. No, he can't yell at Liu Minghao like that — the poor boy would hide in his room forever if he did. And besides, Jiang Cheng can't exactly just discard what he's saying. 

Yu-ayi was one of the oldest people still living in Lotus Pier — she'd had a stall in the market selling her hand-carved combs and hairpins for as long as Jiang Cheng could remember. She was one of the few who'd known Wei Wuxian's parents, and had told him stories of them whenever the two of them had enough free time to come to the market. If she was remarking on their lost closeness, it meant that she'd seen what everyone else didn't, just because they didn't know Jiang Cheng or Wei Wuxian well enough to think anything was wrong. 

Liu Minghao, on the other hand, was a relative newcomer to cultivation, but his father had been a local fishmonger, so they'd known each other for years already. He'd been killed when the Wens invaded Lotus Pier, and shortly after, Liu Minghao had joined the sect, though Jiang Cheng had taken care to keep him from the actual fighting. He would also know if Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian had a falling out, though perhaps to a lesser degree than Yu-ayi. 

So. People were talking, huh. 

Jiang Cheng probably should have seen that coming, if he's honest with himself. It's very true that he and Wei Wuxian had always been together before, and it's quite obvious that's no longer the case with them. Still, he hadn't thought that anyone else was paying that much attention to them. At least it was someone from their sect, but still, if the information gets out to the other sects, Jiang Cheng has no doubt that someone would find a way to use it against them. 

Hopefully, if things go well, the rumors will be squashed without Jiang Cheng having to do anything himself, though. Everyone will just see the two of them hanging around each other again and do the work for them. 

The thought of things going well almost leads him down a dangerous thought rabbit hole, though, so he forcibly wrenches his thoughts over to Liu Minghao, who is still standing in front of him, now looking rather confused. 

"Everything's fine, brat," Jiang Cheng says, exasperated with the whole situation. "Seriously, don't you have training to be doing? Why are you getting so caught up in our lives, huh? Zhou-laoshi must not be working you hard enough. Should I tell him to give you twenty extra laps around the compound?" 

Liu Minghao pales drastically, his entire body going stiff. "No, Sect Leader! I'll get back to training right away!" 

"You'd better," Jiang Cheng says as he turns and practically flees from the room. "And tell everyone else to stop gossiping, or I'll break their legs! You hear me?" 

He hears a faint, Yes, Sect Leader! as Liu Minghao gets further away, but most of his words are lost to the breeze. It's good, though — hopefully, Jiang Cheng's put the fear of his sect leader into Liu Minghao, and he spreads the word to everyone else to shut up about him and Wei Wuxian. Because if his own sect is already gossipping so much, then it's a sure thing that the other sects have at least heard of what's going on — as oblivious as he may seem, Jiang Cheng isn't actually unaware of the espionage coming from the other sects. It had been one of the first things his mother had warned him about, when he'd first started learning what it meant to be sect leader, always saying that it was one of the things his father never took seriously enough. 

Now, as sect leader, Jiang Cheng was finding himself agreeing more and more. The espionage in question was mainly based on the rumor mill, but that in and of itself was incredibly effective. The power of rumors had helped them strike fear into the hearts of the Wens, after all, and mislead their enemies about their battle plans. He'd never thought so in his youth, but rumors were a powerful thing. 

Still. He doesn't want that power turned against him, and it's not like he was ever taught how to manipulate it, really. Jiang Cheng is sure that if his mother had known how, she would have squashed the rumors about his father and Cangse-sanren as much as she could, if only to give herself some peace of mind. 

Well, maybe his lack of knowledge would be a good thing in this case. Make his actions come across as more sincere, or something. And it's not like Wei Wuxian is really cognizant of the rumor mill — or rather, if he is, he just doesn't care all that much. Or doesn't care anymore. Jiang Cheng can recall a few episodes in their childhood where Wei Wuxian had been upset over whatever the rumor of the week was, but those had all dried up by the time they were around eleven years old. 

Jiang Cheng sighs, and lays his head on his desk, possibly smearing ink on his face, but who even cares anymore? This whole thing is giving him a headache. 

It would be so nice if he could run away, Jiang Cheng thinks. Take a vacation, become a rogue cultivator for a little while. Do something else to feel fulfilled, not correspond with people he dislikes to beg them for money and supplies with maybe a few drops here and there of fun things, like training with the new disciples. 

Unbidden, his thoughts turn back to his upcoming night with Wei Wuxian. 

For a moment, he cringes at his own thoughts. 'Night with Wei Wuxian?' Way to make him sound like a prostitute. 

As if anyone would pay for a night with Wei Wuxian. His shixiong, no matter his good qualities (that Jiang Cheng refuses to acknowledge) is far too annoying for that. 

Still, Jiang Cheng is… curious. It's not like he has any experience to speak of — his mother would have whipped him to death if he'd been with any women without marrying them under her roof — and the war had successfully stifled any shadow of desire that might have crossed his mind during that time. Even now, after the fact, it still hasn't completely returned. Sometimes, he thinks the fear, pain, and grief he'd felt during the Sunshot Campaign had seeped into his bones and poisoned him from within, leaving him as a shell of a human. Capable of being a leader, but no longer aware of what it means to be a person. 

The curiosity is a novel feeling, at least, and Jiang Cheng can't find it within himself to be angry about its existence, even if it does also make him feel a bit like wrapping himself in a blanket and drowning himself in the lake. Maybe, as he helps Wei Wuxian cultivate a new golden core, he'll remember what it feels like to be alive. 

—

After a relatively unproductive day and a dinner eaten alone in his office, during which Jiang Cheng's mind consistently tormented him with thoughts about what the night would be like, Jiang Cheng sneaks over to Wei Wuxian's room. 

'Sneaks' may be pushing it — they don't have many disciples to spare for guard duty right now anyway, and the disciple who had been scheduled tonight had come down with some nasty illness the day before, so there's not exactly anyone to dodge — but Jiang Cheng still doesn't want to be caught. The thought of running into Jiang Yanli on the way there had entered his mind a few shichen ago and now refuses to leave it; trying and failing to lie to her about what he's doing at a moment this tense may just be what ends him. It's best to just avoid her altogether. 

So he tiptoes through the halls from his office to Wei Wuxian's room, opening the door without knocking and stepping inside. In one smooth movement, he places a silencing talisman on the inside of the door — he's not taking any risks tonight. 

When he turns back around, Jiang Cheng takes a look around the room. It's as messy as it had been the last time he'd been in here, on that fateful night when he'd found out the truth. Seriously, does Wei Wuxian ever clean up after himself? Lazy asshole. 

Jiang Cheng shakes his head at himself. Honestly, after living with Wei Wuxian for so many years, he should know better than to expect him to clean up after himself consistently. At least he doesn't have to deal with the mess anymore, even if Jiang Cheng's rooms are almost too quiet now, with just him there. 

There's a candle burning on the small table on one side of the room, so there isn't complete darkness, but it's still dim enough that Jiang Cheng will have some difficulty seeing where he's going. Maybe that's for the best, though — the darkness will hide some of the color that's undoubtedly rushing to Jiang Cheng's face. And ears. And neck, and chest. Everywhere, really. He thinks he might be starting to get used to the sensation of imminent combustion, though whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, he can't say. 

Wei Wuxian, for his part, is sitting on the edge of his bed, as still as the quiet dead. He had been staring at his hands, but as Jiang Cheng walks in, he looks up, gaze now fixed on Jiang Cheng's face. His expression is unreadable, eyes not giving even the smallest hint as to what he's actually thinking, and that's somehow more unnerving than his stillness. Jiang Cheng can count the number of times he's been entirely unable to read Wei Wuxian on the fingers of one hand, after all. Is Wei Wuxian as unsure about this whole thing as Jiang Cheng himself is? Has he been anticipating it the same way, unable to stop thinking about what they might do to each other here in the dark? 

A shiver racks Jiang Cheng's body, a thrill of anticipation shooting up and down his spine. 

He steps closer to Wei Wuxian, trying to disguise the way that the anticipation has taken hold of him. His eyes are fixed on Wei Wuxian's, and they don't break eye contact even as Jiang Cheng draws near and sits on the bed beside Wei Wuxian. It makes him feel like some kind of predator, stalking closer to his prey. Except he kind of also feels like the prey, wary about this new situation, ready to run away at a moment's notice. 

Wei Wuxian looks at him, and even in the dim lighting, Jiang Cheng can tell that there are two spots of color high on his cheeks. He's probably just as discombobulated as Jiang Cheng is at this exact moment. They've always been very different in terms of dealing with anxiety-inducing situations — Wei Wuxian thriving, Jiang Cheng needing to be dragged along — but in this, they're on the same page. 

They stare at each other for a beat longer, until Jiang Cheng's patience runs out and he snaps, "What? Stop staring at me like that, or I'll break your legs!" 

That breaks the tension, and Wei Wuxian laughs. "But Jiang Cheng, if you break my legs, we can't do anything tonight!" 

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, ignoring the way that Wei Wuxian's words bring certain images to mind. It's all still entirely too embarrassing to contemplate, and he refuses to spend too much time on it (the way he has this whole day). "So? What have you been doing?" he asks, changing the subject. 

Wei Wuxian brightens. "A lot of self-examination, actually!" 

Jiang Cheng makes a noise of disgust, nose wrinkling. "I didn't need to know that much," he says. 

"Not like that!" Wei Wuxian says, tone absolutely scandalized. If Jiang Cheng didn't know better, he'd think Wei Wuxian was an elderly lady, horrified by the audacity of the youth. "My meridians, I've been exploring my meridians!" 

Ah. That does make more sense. 

"So? What've you found?" Jiang Cheng asks. 

"It's a little complicated," Wei Wuxian says. "I haven't touched them since before the war even began, so I'm out of practice." He lets out an awkward laugh, looking down to where his fingers fiddle with each other. It's so unlike the old him that Jiang Cheng just stares at him, with no idea of what to say. Wei Wuxian has never been unsure of himself like this, has never been awkward or uncertain. As far back as Jiang Cheng's memories of Wei Wuxian go, he's always been unwaveringly confident. Even when talking about his theories, or his experimental projects, Wei Wuxian eagerly awaited the outcome — he wasn't exactly arrogant, expecting everything to work out on the first try, but he had a sort of self-assurance that even if things did go wrong, he'd be able to try again, no problem. 

On the rare occasions that he did feel even close to unsure of himself, unsure of his place in Yunmeng Jiang — usually after any of Madame Yu's harsher scoldings — Jiang Cheng had always been able to reassure him, and turn his demeanor back to something approaching his usual exuberance. He'd have to start an argument or something, spark Wei Wuxian's natural competitiveness — which honestly never was all that difficult — but it was always effective at returning Wei Wuxian to being himself. 

He'd thought this many times since the end of the Sunshot Campaign, but… when did Jiang Cheng stop being able to read what Wei Wuxian needed, to where he couldn't comfort him when it was necessary? 

Maybe it was after the war was over. Maybe it was before then, when Wei Wuxian had revealed himself in order to kill Wen Chao, or even further back, when Lotus Pier fell. 

Or maybe he'd never really known what Wei Wuxian needed, and had always acted only on his own flawed understanding of the situation. 

The thought, though it is one that's occurred to him several times over the course of this past week, still chills him to the bone. If he's never truly understood Wei Wuxian, then is he even capable of helping at all? What if Jiang Cheng is just forcing his own desires onto Wei Wuxian, seeing things that aren't truly there, and Wei Wuxian is just going along with it because he still sees himself as nothing more than a thing for Jiang Cheng to use? 

(Jiang Cheng ignores the quiet, dark voice at the back of his mind that says this is also what Wei Wuxian had done to him, transferring over his golden core in the first place. If Jiang Cheng hadn't been so foolish, so utterly useless, Wei Wuxian never would have lost his core.) 

He swallows, the saliva evaporating from his mouth. However Wei Wuxian truly feels about his, they're both in too deep, now. Wei Wuxian can't take the knowledge out of Jiang Cheng's mind, and there's no way Jiang Cheng can forget. He's in debt to Wei Wuxian. All of the cultivation sects who'd fought against Qishan Wen were in debt to him, really, but Jiang Cheng especially. He can't pay Wei Wuxian back, but if this — rebuilding Wei Wuxian's golden core — serves as a form of penance, Jiang Cheng will take it. 

Jiang Cheng manages to force a few terse words out. "Just get on with it." 

Wei Wuxian's hands are wringing now. "Well… I've been meditating a lot this week. I didn't even realize it's been so long since I've meditated at all, since the resentful energy is easier to control than qi, and I thought I had a handle on it all. I guess… I knew I was hurting you, but I didn't know how much." 

For his part, Jiang Cheng has exactly no idea how to respond to that. "It's fine," he manages after a moment. 

"Right," Wei Wuxian says. The look he sends Jiang Cheng clearly says he doesn't believe him for even a second. "So. I was meditating because I thought I should check on the status of my meridians, and my spiritual root. I knew that Wen Qing was able to leave them intact when she did the transfer, but after being flooded with this much resentful energy, I didn't know if I'd be able to do anything with them again." 

A cold fear grips Jiang Cheng deep in his chest for a moment. What if Wei Wuxian can't cultivate again, and Jiang Cheng will never be able to pay him back? 

His fear is swept away when Wei Wuxian barrels onwards. "But everything was still intact, Jiang Cheng! And not only intact, but my spiritual veins are so well preserved I can pick up and cultivate back to core formation again just like that! Uh, well, maybe not without some help, but still, Wen Qing really is a genius, isn't she?" 

Despite the side of him that's still screaming in horror, rage, and pain, and has been for the last week, Jiang Cheng can't help but be impressed. "She is," he says, and it's no lie. Pulling off a completely theoretical operation like that, with minimal preparation, ending in both of them remaining alive and in a shape good enough to cultivate? Genuinely, it's a miracle. No matter his hatred for the Wens, Wen Qing should be remembered as one of the foremost cultivation minds of their generation. 

Briefly, Jiang Cheng wonders what happened to her after the war, as he'd been really too busy with rebuilding to pay close attention to the other sects doing the cleanup. Surely Jin Guangshan would have crowed about taking her prisoner, right? His thoughts turn back to Wei Wuxian soon enough, though. He's gone quiet again, frowning down at his hands and clearly trying to figure out how to phrase something. 

Before Jiang Cheng can nudge him to get on with it, he continues. "It's not going to be quite as easy as that, though." 

"Of course there's a catch," Jiang Cheng says. "What is it?" 

"It's the resentful energy," Wei Wuxian says. "It's sort of… tangled. All throughout my spirit veins and meridians. I tried a few days ago, but I can't really untangle it myself, since I don't have the amount of qi I would need. A one-time transfer would help a little, but it probably wouldn't be enough to really help. It probably wouldn't last long enough, either." 

"So we're back to square one," Jiang Cheng says. "You can cultivate, but you'll need help to remove all of the resentful energy. We need you to cultivate quickly, so the other sects don't jump at the chance to get you under their control. Or just kill you. Aren't we at the same conclusion, then?" 

"I guess so," Wei Wuxian says. "But… Jiang Cheng, are you really sure about this?" 

"My answer hasn't changed in the last four shichen," Jiang Cheng says, exasperated. "Listen, if you really don't want to go through with this, then I can't force you, but I really think this is the best option we have right now." 

He reaches for his belt and starts pulling at it. Wei Wuxian squints at him, frowning in the dim lighting, and says, "What are you doing?" 

So flustered that his heart might give out from the stress, Jiang Cheng barks, "Either tell me no or start undressing! I'm not going to be the only one naked here!" 

His own words bring a certain image to his mind, and suddenly, the thin skin of his face feels so hot, he thinks he could fry an egg on it. Maybe start a fire at the same time. He can't look up at Wei Wuxian anymore, embarrassment, apprehension, and arousal rushing through him in equal amounts. His hands pause for a brief moment while he waits for Wei Wuxian to say something, kick Jiang Cheng out of his room, maybe, and never speak to him again. Or worse, treat him like an ignorant child, incapable of solving any problems by himself. Like he needs to be supervised, because there's no way he can live up to his parents' expectations on his own. 

Jiang Cheng's thoughts stop abruptly when he hears the rustle of cloth beside him, and he looks up sharply to see Wei Wuxian's hands on his own belt, in the process of pulling it off. There must be some amazement, or horror, or something on his face, because Wei Wuxian smiles shakily at him and says, "Well? Are we doing this or not?" 

Nodding in a single, jerky motion, Jiang Cheng's head dips again, and he returns to disrobing, standing to give himself some space away from Wei Wuxian. It's harder than usual, mostly because his hands are trembling, just enough to make his fingers clumsy. Jiang Cheng fights to stabilize them. Seriously, what's with the sudden shakiness? It's not like he's never seen Wei Wuxian naked, and vice versa! The heat of every Yunmeng summer that Jiang Cheng can remember has done more than enough to burn the modesty out of him.

Or so he'd thought, he supposes. Maybe it’s just that he'd never been naked with someone with the intent of dual cultivating with them. Maybe it’s that it's Wei Wuxian, just the two of them, alone at night. Like they used to be, back in the days they shared a room, but it feels so very different this time. 

Jiang Cheng had always thought he would share a moment like this with whatever poor girl who would agree to marry him, if there was even anyone who would. They'd be married, and then that night, they'd touch each other, maybe with a few kisses here and there. The whole act would undoubtedly be clinical. She'd hopefully fall pregnant that night, taking care of the whole heir issue, and then she and Jiang Cheng could just peacefully coexist. Happiness and love weren't meant for him — the best he could hope for was a quiet marriage, unlike that of his parents. And he'd told himself that as long as A-jie and Wei Wuxian found real happiness, had the relationships that they deserved and not what they'd resigned themselves to have, Jiang Cheng would be content. He had to be content. 

This… whatever it is with Wei Wuxian is transactional. Just a way for Jiang Cheng to repay him for his sacrifice, to ease his own guilty conscience. No doubt that Wei Wuxian also realizes the utility of what Jiang Cheng is offering him, and that's why he's going along with all of this. He doesn't know what Wei Wuxian dreamed of, when it comes to love and romance, but he's quite sure it too had been nothing like this. They'd never really spoken about it seriously, but maybe Jiang Cheng is trampling on some long-held dream, and Wei Wuxian is too used to sacrificing himself for Jiang Cheng's sake. Maybe he's just counting down the days until he has a golden core again, and can leave for better things. 

Jiang Cheng pushes his doubts aside and finishes undressing, folding his clothes neatly and laying them on Wei Wuxian's messy table. He glances over at Wei Wuxian, now also entirely nude, tossing his clothes on the floor in a crumpled heap. 

He's thin — much more than he used to be, still looking a bit like he's been starved. Food was scarce during the Sunshot Campaign, but their golden cores would make up for it, or so Jiang Cheng had thought at the time. Knowing what he knows now… just how badly had Wei Wuxian been starving, during those years? Did he ever truly recover from whatever happened to him in the Burial Mounds? 

He shakes the thoughts away after another moment. Now's not really the time to be thinking about that time. From this angle, he can also see Wei Wuxian's cock, flushed and gradually hardening between his spread legs. Jiang Cheng has seen him soft before — such a sight is impossible to avoid when you're swimming together in the heat of Yunmeng midsummer — but before this, he'd never seen him aroused. Even when they'd shared a room, Wei Wuxian had always taken care to be discreet. He probably knew that Jiang Cheng would kill him, resurrect him, and then kill him again if he had to be explicitly privy to Wei Wuxian… taking care of himself. 

That's no longer the case, he supposes. 

No longer able to avoid looking, he glances down again. Wei Wuxian's cock is fully hard now, flushed head poking out of his foreskin. It's long and girthy, already dripping even though Wei Wuxian isn't touching it. 

Jiang Cheng's mouth waters, heat spreading throughout his body, his blood rushing south. 

He glances away and swallows, then lets out a deep, aggrieved sigh, then goes to pick them up and fold them. Some things never change. "Do you have something against folding clothes? Is that what this is?" he says, as he lays them next to his own clothes. 

Behind him, Wei Wuxian laughs. There's a soft thump, like he's just flopped over onto the mattress. "Ah, Jiang Cheng, you never change, do you? We're going to have to change your name to Mother Hen!" 

Jiang Cheng lets out a soft snort. "I wouldn't have to scold you so much if you'd just have some manners." 

"You're one to talk," Wei Wuxian says. "Or do I need to remind you of the time when—" 

"Agh, be quiet!" Jiang Cheng snaps, turning around. "You said you'd never bring that up again." 

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" Wei Wuxian says. 

Jiang Cheng glares at him out of the corner of his eyes. "Oh, I know." 

"Since when have you been able to read minds?" Wei Wuxian asks, sitting up again. 

"I don't need to read minds," Jiang Cheng says, returning to sit down beside Wei Wuxian. "I just know you." 

At this distance, Jiang Cheng can practically feel the heat radiating from Wei Wuxian's skin. It's almost comforting, how familiar that warmth is, and Jiang Cheng almost relaxes for a moment before he glances at Wei Wuxian and stiffens up again. 

He's so tense he could easily masquerade as one of the planks they used to rebuild another one of the docks the other day. Gods, this is so awkward. Jiang Cheng doesn't know what to do with his hands, or where to look — should he be looking at Wei Wuxian? Taking in the sight? Or should he be staring somewhere else, to appear as distracted as possible, like this is nothing for him? 

It's not nothing, of course. It could never be nothing. 

Jiang Cheng startles at the feeling of a warm, calloused palm on his shoulder. He glances at Wei Wuxian, who grins at him unrepentantly. It's a little strained around the edges, certainly, but it's still genuine, and it still lights Jiang Cheng up with a familiar comfort. It's so purely Wei Wuxian that it reminds Jiang Cheng why he's even doing any of this. 

"It'll be fine," Wei Wuxian says, hand running in gentle circles on Jiang Cheng's back, leaving burning trails wherever it goes. "Don't think so hard, alright?" 

"Easy for you to say," Jiang Cheng grumbles, trying desperately not to think about the way his heart began pounding when Wei Wuxian touched him. "Have you ever actually held a thought for longer than a second?" 

Wei Wuxian gasps theatrically. "Of course I have! You're so rude sometimes. I might be a man of action, but there's plenty going on up here." 

He points to his head as he finishes speaking, and Jiang Cheng is immediately struck by a sense of loss when Wei Wuxian's hand is no longer on him. 

"If you say so," Jiang Cheng says, rolling his eyes. "You talk too much for me to believe that, though." 

Wei Wuxian snorts. "Why don't you shut me up, then?" 

The hand returns to his back, then travels down to his waist. Wei Wuxian's other hand comes up to cup his face, thumb swiping over his cheekbone. Jiang Cheng blinks rapidly, thoughts muddled and slow to take form. 

"Shut you up…?" 

Wei Wuxian stares at him, looking deep into his eyes. Jiang Cheng is sure that he can see confusion, which is fine, but also arousal and lust, which is less fine. How would Jiang Cheng shut Wei Wuxian up, anyway? It's not like he knows the Lan silencing spell. Are there even any other non-violent ways to- 

Oh. 

The realization that it had been an invitation hits Jiang Cheng like an arrow, and he can't help his sudden, flickering glance from Wei Wuxian's eyes down to his lips, and back up. A small smile curls over Wei Wuxian's lips and Jiang Cheng knows he caught the glance, too. It's nothing compared to his usual wide grins, but somehow that makes it all the more precious. 

A pang of satisfaction rings through Jiang Cheng, that he is the only one who's seen Wei Wuxian like this. 

Still, somehow he hadn't thought that there would be kissing involved. He'd thought they would make things quick, as clinical as possible. He would have thought that Wei Wuxian would want to save every possible first for someone special, not waste them all on Jiang Cheng. 

Wei Wuxian clearly has a different idea though, because he shifts forward and uses the hand already on Jiang Cheng's face to guide him forward until their foreheads are pressed together and they're sharing breath. Their eyes meet again, Wei Wuxian's gaze searching, until he sees some kind of confirmation on Jiang Cheng's face and draws ever closer. 

Their lips brush and Jiang Cheng's whole body bursts into flame. He goes still, caught between the urge to pull away and the urge to surge forward, feeling a bit like he's been whipped by Zidian — tingling, and sensitive all over. Sucking in a sharp breath, he shudders, just enough for Wei Wuxian to feel it and pull away, and Jiang Cheng immediately feels bereft. 

Wei Wuxian presses his forehead to Jiang Cheng's again, and slides the hand that was on Jiang Cheng's jaw down his neck, then to his clavicle. It should be unnerving, having someone's hand that close to his neck, but Wei Wuxian is so familiar that no threat registers in Jiang Cheng's brain. His hand lingers there for a moment, perhaps waiting for a reprimand that never comes, before sliding down even further, resting on Jiang Cheng's chest. His warm palm rests over one rapidly hardening nipple; beneath it, Jiang Cheng's pulse speeds up even more, reverberating throughout his body. 

Energy, the urge to move, to do something surges through Jiang Cheng's body, and he mirrors Wei Wuxian's previous posture, cupping one hand around Wei Wuxian's jaw and resting the other on his back. From there, it's easy enough to drag him closer again and firmly plant his lips on Wei Wuxian's, pulling him into a deeper kiss. 

At least, that's what Jiang Cheng had intended, but in reality, he pulls Wei Wuxian a little too eagerly, and their teeth clack together. It's painful, and they each jerk backwards. Wei Wuxian's hands fly up to his mouth, and he says, "Agh, what the hell?" 

Jiang Cheng doesn't need to be able to see well to know that he must be bright red now. Maybe he never stopped being red, and now he's just going to look like a lobster for the rest of his life. Eh, that's probably fitting. But listen, it's not his fault that he's never kissed anyone before! Er, well, maybe it is, but that's neither here nor there. He refuses to be shamed for his inexperience, especially by Wei Wuxian! 

"If you think you can do better, then you try it!" Jiang Cheng snaps, incensed. 

"Fine!" Wei Wuxian snaps back. In one smooth move, he grabs Jiang Cheng's face, pulling him closer once again and kissing him hard. Their noses squish together — Jiang Cheng hadn't been able to change his angle quickly enough — and for a brief moment, he can't breathe, until he tilts his head and presses even closer, his hands tangling in Wei Wuxian's hair. 

Before all of this, Jiang Cheng thought he knew what kissing someone was like — the theory, anyway. His shidimen were always talking about girls, after all, and he'd spent plenty of time with Nie Huaisang in the Cloud Recesses, being tormented by Huaisang's extensive collection of yellow books. And there was that one time he'd walked in on his parents after having a nightmare, before Wei Wuxian had come to live with him, that was still burned into his memory. He'd always thought it couldn't be that appealing, to have someone's mouth on yours, literally swapping spit. 

Now that he's experiencing it for himself, though, Jiang Cheng can admit that there's something about feeling Wei Wuxian that close to him, all sensation focused in on so many small points of contact, that's somehow comforting and arousing all at once. If this is what it always feels like, Jiang Cheng doesn't blame anyone for wanting to experience this all the time. 

Or maybe it just feels like this because it's Wei Wuxian, and no one else. 

Even though the kiss had started off hard and demanding, it softens gradually, Wei Wuxian pulling back to press kiss after kiss to Jiang Cheng's lips, soft and chaste. He ends with one at the corner of Jiang Cheng's mouth, before pulling away to look at him. "How was that?" 

For his part, Jiang Cheng can't form a coherent thought. His breath comes raggedly, his eyes wide. It feels a bit like all of his blood has left his brain to visit another part of his body, and a spike of embarrassment rises in him to know that his reaction must be obvious. His sudden vulnerability hits him, and he drags his hands out of Wei Wuxian's hair to wrap protectively around himself. 

Still, Wei Wuxian is staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something, so he drags his scrambled mind together and bites out a, "Fine. It was fine." 

Wei Wuxian frowns at him. "That's it?" 

"Yes," Jiang Cheng says, exasperated. "You'll have to do it again if you want a better reaction from me." 

A beat passes, and Jiang Cheng finally registers his own words. He can see the moment they hit Wei Wuxian as well, in the second between him hearing himself and him turning away, embarrassment taking the form of a pout on his face. Wei Wuxian's eyes light up, mouth curling into a satisfied smirk. "Was that an invitation?" he asks, smug. 

Without his conscious permission, Jiang Cheng's mouth opens, and a quiet maybe slips out. 

Wei Wuxian laughs, delighted. "Jiang Cheng, so cute! Should I start calling you meimei?" 

"Don't call me cute," Jiang Cheng snaps, not dignifying the rest with an answer. His face burns, but he turns forward to look Wei Wuxian in the eyes, hands coming to rest on his thighs. "Look, if you're just going to insult me, then I'll-" 

"Who's insulting you?" Wei Wuxian interrupts. "I'm just saying. You're so cute, A-Cheng." Both of his hands come to cup Jiang Cheng's jaw, and he draws him into another soft kiss, before licking at the seam of his lips. 

Unbidden, Jiang Cheng lets out a moan, fists clenching where they're resting on his thighs, and Wei Wuxian takes the opportunity to dip his tongue into Jiang Cheng's mouth, licking at the roof of his mouth and the back of his teeth. Jiang Cheng lets out another soft noise and reaches out, hands this time coming to rest on Wei Wuxian's back and chest. He can feel his back arching, trying to maximize the contact between them, and he lets out a hiss when his hard cock brushes against Wei Wuxian's. 

In that moment, the realization hits him that Wei Wuxian is somehow just as into this as he is, which in itself is more than he ever would have expected. Maybe he should be less surprised about his own cutsleeve tendencies, though, since this whole thing was his idea in the first place. Still, that Wei Wuxian would be so enthusiastic… clearly, there's more that his shixiong has been keeping from him than just the secret of his core. 

Wait, was that why Wei Wuxian always acted so obsessed with Lan Wangji?! 

Feeling a bit as though he'd stumbled onto something he shouldn't have ever uncovered, Jiang Cheng forcibly returns his mind to kissing Wei Wuxian. Somehow, without noticing, he's almost crawled fully into Wei Wuxian's lap, the new position allowing him to rock forward, gently grinding their erections together from where they're trapped between the two of them. Precum drips from the heads of both of their cocks, easing the friction just enough for it to not be uncomfortable. Wei Wuxian moans into his mouth, biting at his bottom lip, then pulls away to take a few ragged breaths, holding Jiang Cheng by the shoulders. Jiang Cheng waits, panting, thumb stroking at Wei Wuxian's pebbled nipple. 

When he catches his breath, Wei Wuxian speaks. "You're going to be the death of me, you know that?" 

"This whole plan is to make sure I'm not," Jiang Cheng points out. 

Wei Wuxian wheezes a laugh. "True enough," he says, and shakes his head. "Hate to admit it, but I'm not sure how much longer I'll last, so we should probably get on with it." 

Jiang Cheng nods. "Same for me." 

Wei Wuxian looks at him. "Do you know… what the next steps are?" 

In theory, the answer should be yes, but… "In the manuals I read, the dual cultivation always happened between a man and a woman," Jiang Cheng says. "And he always went… inside her. Y'know." 

Wei Wuxian glances down at their cocks, frowns, then looks back up at Jiang Cheng. Following his clear line of thought, Jiang Cheng asks him, "Is that… is that how it works, between men?" 

A beat passes as they stare at each other. 

"I don't… know?" Wei Wuxian finally says. 

For a brief moment, Jiang Cheng wants to hit him so badly he almost shakes with the desire. "What do you mean, you don't know? Of the two of us, you're the one who's read all the cutsleeve porn!" 

"I didn't pay that much attention to it! And that's just regular porn! Not cultivation porn! I don't know how any of that translates to dual cultivation!" 

Jiang Cheng buries his face in his hands and lets out a wordless groan, wishing that the earth would open below him and swallow him up, leaving no trace behind. Maybe he should have jumped into the lake and stayed there when he had the chance. 

Seriously? Of all the places there should be a gap in both of their knowledge… 

He takes a deep breath, then resurfaces. "Whatever," he says. "There are other ways to dual cultivate. We should just stick to those for now." 

Wei Wuxian nods. "Yeah, let's just stick with external for now. We can try the other kind some other time. After we're more prepared." 

A brief shudder racks Jiang Cheng's body as visions of Wei Wuxian's cock thrusting deep into his asshole assault him, though whether the shudder is made of revulsion or arousal, he can't quite say. "Agreed." 

"Great!" Wei Wuxian chirps, immediately back to his usual cheer. He reaches out for Jiang Cheng again, one hand gently stroking over his waist and stomach before resting in the seam between his inner thigh and his hip. Jiang Cheng lets out a strangled noise — Wei Wuxian is so close to touching his cock, giving him the contact he's so suddenly and desperately craving. A certain hunger overtakes him, bone deep and powerful enough to wipe all other thoughts of his mind. 

Wei Wuxian mouths at his jaw, pressing little kisses behind his ear and in a line down his neck. When he reaches Jiang Cheng's clavicle, he stays there, nibbling at his protruding bones and sucking marks into the thin skin there. They're low enough that Jiang Cheng knows they'll be hidden by his high collars, but he can't help but entertain the thought of Wei Wuxian leaving marks higher, where everyone will be able to see them. Where everyone will know what they've been doing together, that Wei Wuxian has taken Jiang Cheng's firsts and will likely be the only person to see him this way, since it's not like many other people can stand him for long enough to get this close. And then everyone will know that he and Wei Wuxian are tied together, not by blood or even by martial family, but by something deeper, more intimate than anyone else could ever imagine. That a part of Wei Wuxian will always be inside of Jiang Cheng, owning him. Taming him. 

The thought of being tamed by Wei Wuxian, more than anything else, makes Jiang Cheng arch into Wei Wuxian's touch, where he's stroking everywhere but where Jiang Cheng wants him so desperately to touch. He feels Wei Wuxian smirk against him, hears him say, "Oh? I didn't know you were so eager!" 

Jiang Cheng bites back a noise of frustration. "I'd be more eager if you'd touch me already!" 

Wei Wuxian laughs against his skin. "Alright, alright. So demanding! Aren't you supposed to be helping me out?" 

A jolt goes through Jiang Cheng — somehow, he'd gotten so lost in the sensation, in the thrill of being able to touch Wei Wuxian like this, that he'd completely forgotten what all of this was supposed to be for. He was supposed to be helping Wei Wuxian, not chasing his own pleasure or being tamed. This wasn't about him. He had to stop being so selfish, especially when all of this was his fault in the first place. "Sorry," he mutters, contrite. "I'll do better from now on." 

Wei Wuxian pulls back to look at him. "Jiang Cheng? What's the matter?" 

His concern, while unwarranted, is not unexpected, given that normally, getting Jiang Cheng to legitimately apologize for something is like pulling teeth. He's aware of this. It's a flaw of his, one that always made his father shake his head disappointedly and sigh about him being so much like his mother. And normally, Jiang Cheng would keep up the pretense of being too prideful to let the word "sorry" escape him. Still, in a situation like this, when he's literally naked on top of Wei Wuxian, all pretense falls away. Or, it should, anyway. 

"Nothing's wrong," he says. "You're right, this is supposed to be for your sake, so let's get on with it." 

Wei Wuxian frowns, eyes searching for an actual answer, but nods, not questioning him further. Finally, finally, he wraps a hand around both of their cocks, though with them both being around the same size, his hand only really reaches around one side. Jiang Cheng reaches down to help him, wrapping a hand around the other side, his fingers tucking themselves under the base of Wei Wuxian's palm. 

The new pressure and friction send sparks through Jiang Cheng's body, and more precum spurts from the tip of his cock. Wei Wuxian notices and smiles up at Jiang Cheng, saying, "Feels good?" 

Jiang Cheng lets out an mmh. He's a little more conscious, now that he's remembered why they're actually doing this. He shouldn't be enjoying this so much. He's here for a purpose, not for fun, and so is Wei Wuxian. Frankly, Wei Wuxian probably wouldn't put up with this if it wasn't going to help him rebuild his golden core, if this wasn't the only way that Jiang Cheng could repay him. 

It's shameful how he's forgotten himself. He won't make that mistake again. 

He gathers his thoughts and focuses on his qi, passing it through certain areas where he's in closest contact with Wei Wuxian. His heartbeat slows as his qi begins circulating through Wei Wuxian's body, gently straightening out his tangled spiritual veins and cleansing them of the embedded resentful energy. Wei Wuxian lets out a soft groan at the sensation, panting as he begins stroking them both in long, smooth movements. 

Jiang Cheng moves his hand in tandem with Wei Wuxian's, spreading their precum to use as lubricant. He rubs his thumb over Wei Wuxian's slit, and Wei Wuxian moans raggedly. He's mumbling something under his breath, and gets louder as he continues stroking. Jiang Cheng struggles for a moment to make sense of whatever he's saying, before Wei Wuxian gets louder. 

"Ah, Jiang Cheng, that feels so good, you feel so good when you touch me like that," Wei Wuxian babbles. "Ngh, I can feel you inside, feels so good!" 

"Shut up," Jiang Cheng mutters, simultaneously embarrassed and pleased. His cock gives a twitch, leaking a little more fluid. 

"No way," Wei Wuxian says, gasping a little as Jiang Cheng strokes them a little faster. "How can I shut up when you're taking care of me so well? Being such a responsible sect leader, giving me everything I need?" 

He takes a few deep breaths before continuing. "A-Cheng, A-Cheng, next time, can we do this in the receiving hall? When there are plenty of visitors, and everyone can see how attentive you are? Or maybe you can take me on the training grounds, and it'll be punishment for not being able to train with Suibian anymore. What do you think? If I spread my legs for you in front of everyone, will you take care of me?" 

Jiang Cheng's face burns impossibly hotter. Seriously, how does he say all of this so seriously? Is it not embarrassing for him? 

Unfortunately, he can still feel himself growing harder as Wei Wuxian speaks. Ugh, why is his bullshit so effective on Jiang Cheng? 

He shifts, grinding down more on Wei Wuxian's cock. "Shut up, idiot," he says. "As if I'd ever be caught in a situation like that." 

Wei Wuxian grins, entirely unrepentant. "But what if I ask really nicely? We can just call it training, after all!" 

"No," Jiang Cheng says, ignoring the fact that if Wei Wuxian ever did ask seriously, he'd at least consider it. And he might even say yes, no matter how much he might also want to die of embarrassment at the same time. 

Pouting, Wei Wuxian hides his face in Jiang Cheng's neck again. "Fine," he says, mouthing at the marked-up skin there. "I'll just have to convince you another time." 

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. "Stop pouting," he says. "Hurry up and come already. I think I've straightened out all I can." 

Wei Wuxian kisses behind his ear. "When you say it like that, it makes me want to keep going," he says. 

Jiang Cheng looks down, frowning, then thinks mistake to himself when his gaze jumps right to their cocks, still rubbing together obscenely. It's almost too embarrassing to say, but… "Well… I'm not going to last much longer, so if you want to finish…" 

Wei Wuxian's cock jumps in his grasp, and his breath quickens. "A-Cheng! You can't just say things like that!" 

Frustrated, Jiang Cheng strokes their cocks faster, adding a little flick of his wrist to each stroke. He brings his free hand to Wei Wuxian's head, gently tugging at his hair to separate him from Jiang Cheng's neck. When Wei Wuxian leans back, Jiang Cheng connects their mouths once more, twining their tongues together and swallowing down Wei Wuxian's moans. 

It takes only a few more pulls before Wei Wuxian comes all over Jiang Cheng's stomach, Jiang Cheng following him a moment later and adding to the mess. It's a waste of jing, but that's fine for now — they can work on retaining it as they get more practiced with dual cultivation, Jiang Cheng thinks distantly as the two of them pant into each other's mouths. When he's caught his breath a little, Wei Wuxian starts pressing little kisses all over Jiang Cheng's face, on his lips and the corners of his mouth and to the corners of his eyes and the tip of his nose. 

It's so unbearably sweet that Jiang Cheng abruptly can't stand it — can't stand being subjected to this kindness that should be meant for someone else, not Jiang Cheng, who can't even manage to save his shixiong correctly. He pulls away, ignoring Wei Wuxian's whine and grabbing his wrist to feel his spiritual veins, trying to recenter himself and remember why Jiang Cheng is here in the first place. 

Jiang Cheng isn't exactly an expert when it comes to spiritual veins and other people's meridians, but he can tell that they've made some progress. Jiang Cheng's spiritual energy flows a little more easily through Wei Wuxian, now, and he can feel that a little bit of the resentful energy that had saturated Wei Wuxian's meridians has just… vanished. Dissipated into the environment around them. Jiang Cheng will have to cleanse the area tomorrow, but it's still gone from Wei Wuxian's body. 

Good, that's… good. It means that Jiang Cheng's theory was right, and that with more cultivation, dual or not, Wei Wuxian will be able to return back to normal eventually. Jiang Cheng will be able to pay his debt, and they'll all be able to live in peace. 

He looks up at Wei Wuxian from where Jiang Cheng has been staring at his wrist in contemplation. "Seems like it worked." 

"I think so," Wei Wuxian says, a contented smile on his face. He gently slips out of Jiang Cheng's grip and stretches before leaning backwards and resting his weight on his hands. He's a vision, like this — lips red and swollen, a flush over his cheekbones, bruises forming on his shoulders where at some point, Jiang Cheng must have gripped him too tightly. The drying cum on his chest just pulls it all together to make an image more erotic than anything Jiang Cheng has ever seen before. 

He swallows, and decides that he has to stand up before he starts hardening again and pounces on Wei Wuxian without the intent to dual cultivate this time. Ordinarily, he would trust his self control much more, but their earlier activities only briefly calmed his hunger, and now that they're done, it's returned more intensely than ever. It's like a craving has awakened inside of him, but one that he can't feed without Wei Wuxian's help. Now that he knows what it feels like, to be truly satisfied, he can never go back. 

Gods. What has he done to himself? 

Is this what he must resign himself to? All of this need, this desire that was buried within him so deeply he never would have known had it not been for this ridiculous situation that Jiang Cheng has found himself in? That now that it's awakened inside of him, he would beg on his knees to have another taste? 

Jiang Cheng scrambles backwards, almost tripping and falling in a tangle of limbs before he manages to right himself. Wei Wuxian makes a concerned noise behind him, but Jiang Cheng can barely hear it over the rushing of his blood as he frantically puts his clothes on and walks towards the door. 

"Jiang Cheng? What are you-" Wei Wuxian starts, voice plaintive. When Jiang Cheng turns his head to look at him, Wei Wuxian's expression is openly concerned, and he's reaching out towards Jiang Cheng with one hand, as if he can stop him from leaving from such a distance. 

"I'll see you in the morning," Jiang Cheng interrupts. "Goodnight." 

He leaves, quickly shutting the door behind him, and begins returning to his room, entirely missing the way that Wei Wuxian's expression drops after he's gone. And when Jiang Cheng reaches his own room and dresses for bed, ineffectively wiping at the dried cum on his chest and stomach before laying down, he stares at his ceiling until the morning arrives, entirely unable to sleep. 

Chapter Text

This 'Flower Banquet' thing is so unnecessarily pretentious, Jiang Cheng thinks to himself.

It's just yet another way for the Jin Sect to show off their strength, claiming victory in the Sunshot Campaign when they'd barely helped compared to everyone else. Had barely lost anything, but somehow, they're still acting like they'd done the most. Suffering isn't a competition, Jiang Cheng knows, but it still brings a bitter taste to his mouth when he sees how Lanling still flourishes, compared to the devastation wrought in Yunmeng. How dare they all still be here, alive and thriving? How dare Jin Guangshan, of all people, have made it through when Jiang Cheng's parents hadn't?

Distantly, he watches Nie Mingjue scold Wei Wuxian for not carrying his sword, and gradually becomes aware that this is a dream, isn't it.

He'd been so angry, when this had happened in reality. Trying his best to present himself as a calm, dignified sect leader, forcibly keeping the rage simmering inside of himself from showing. Pretending to move on like everyone else, when every day still felt like he was on the battlefield.

And above all of that, there was Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian, who'd been lost for so long. Wei Wuxian, who, against all odds, had still come back to him alive. Wei Wuxian, who was here to stay, but hadn't been himself in so long.

In hindsight, it was all so obvious. Of course he didn't carry his sword and relied only on his demonic cultivation. Of course he was cagey, on edge, stretched thin and worn down like a child's toy that had been dropped in a street to be trampled on. Clearly falling apart to anyone with eyes, except for Jiang Cheng, who'd been blinded by his own grief for so long.

The familiar guilt rises in Jiang Cheng, accompanied by anger as, in the dream, he turns and apologizes for Wei Wuxian's behaviour yet again. Why hadn't Wei Wuxian just told him? It wasn't like he was the type to hold it over Jiang Cheng's head — the way he'd had to pry the truth from Wei Wuxian proved that. Why hadn't he just said something earlier?

The dream twists, and he's back at Lotus Pier, on the docks staring at Wei Wuxian loading bags into a boat. Wei Wuxian moves around him, like he's an invisible barrier, loading the boat with his clothes, things from his room, and finally, Suibian and Chenqing.

As Wei Wuxian steps into the boat, Jiang Cheng finds his tongue. "Wait. Where are you going?"

Wei Wuxian picks up the rope tying the boat to the dock and begins untying it, looping it over his hand. "Away," he says, carefully not looking at Jiang Cheng.

"Away where?" Jiang Cheng demands. "I need you here, helping me!"

Wei Wuxian shakes his head slowly, taking the oar and pushing away from the dock. "Doesn't matter. I can't be here any longer."

He turns his back to Jiang Cheng, and, no matter what Jiang Cheng yells after him, doesn't turn around and doesn't come back to shore; after what feels like an eternity, he fades from view, and Jiang Cheng quiets down. He's not even sure what he's been yelling, just spewing whatever he can to make Wei Wuxian turn around.

And yet, none of it had worked. There had been nothing he could say to make Wei Wuxian return to him.

Jiang Cheng crouches on the dock, burying his face in his hands as his stomach flips up and down. The world spins around him, the dock disappearing from under his feet, sending him hurtling towards the water below.

A moment before he hits the water, his stomach swoops, and he takes a sharp breath, blinking up at the ceiling as his heart nearly beats out of his chest. He's alright. It was all a dream — Wei Wuxian is in his own room nearby, not fleeing Lotus Pier on a boat. Jiang Cheng isn't being left alone just like that — not yet, anyway.

It's all fine.

Jiang Cheng rolls over and closes his eyes, breathing deeply — but the fear that rose during the dream doesn't leave until the morning sun washes over his eyelids.

—

The sun is beating down on Jiang Cheng's back when someone grabs his wrist and tugs him behind the nearest building, slamming him against the wall.

Jiang Cheng has Sandu half-drawn, wooden training swords tossed up into the air, before his eyes refocus and he sees a familiar red ribbon in front of him. "What the fuck are you-"

Wei Wuxian slams a hand over his mouth as he looks around, bobbing back and forth, peering through the tall grass and trees surrounding the shed he's hidden them behind. "Shut up!"

They both glance to the side as the training swords hit the ground with a loud clattering sound. Footsteps approach the shed from the other side, and a voice calls out, "Sect Leader? Is everything alright?"

Jiang Cheng glares at Wei Wuxian until he removes the hand over his mouth. "Everything's fine," he says. "Just thought I saw something back here."

"Saw something?" the disciple says, alarm creeping into his voice. Jiang Cheng can't quite place who it is by voice alone — must be one of the newer rogue cultivators who joined up recently. "Should I sound the alarm?"

"No need for that!" Jiang Cheng says, his face growing warmer at the thought of someone seeing him and Wei Wuxian like this, pressed so close together. It's obviously suspicious. "Get back to work, I'll take care of this. It was probably just an animal. A stupid-looking dog, maybe." He side-eyes Wei Wuxian, who has the absolute gall to look offended.

"Of course, Sect Leader," the disciple says. There's a brief pause and a swishing noise — had the disciple just bowed in the direction of the shed? — before Jiang Cheng hears footsteps going in the opposite direction.

He waits until they're far enough away to look at Wei Wuxian again. "Seriously, what was that all about? Is something the matter?"

"How could you use that word when you're talking about me? So scary," Wei Wuxian says, shuddering. " Anyway, nothing's really happening! Just this!" He kneels down in front of Jiang Cheng, parting his outer layers, reaching for the ties of his trousers, and looking up at Jiang Cheng with a devilish smirk.

Jiang Cheng's face burns. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he hisses.

Wei Wuxian schools his face into an exaggerated pout. "Aw, Jiang Cheng, this'll be good for both of us! You get to take the edge off, I get more of your jing," he says, patting Jiang Cheng's hip. "It's a win-win!"

"We're in public!" Jiang Cheng says. "Get up. We're not doing this here."

Wei Wuxian snorts. "There's no one around," he says. "You've made sure of that. Also…" His smirk grows wider and somehow more shit-eating than before. "You're into this. Don't try to hide it."

Jiang Cheng's mind might be melting with all of his blood rushing south. "N-no, I'm not!"

"You can't lie to me," Wei Wuxian says, leaning in close to nuzzle against Jiang Cheng's clothed cock. "You've always been too honest for your own good." He begins to mouth along the length, pausing to suck a little at the head. There's a wet spot there that might have been there since Wei Wuxian pulled him back here.

Jiang Cheng stifles both a moan and a curse. It's true — with how rock-hard he suddenly is, there's no doubt that he is kind of into this. Maybe more than kind of, actually.

"Fuck off," he says anyway.

"And leave you like this?" Wei Wuxian says, finally undoing the ties of his pants and pulling them down to his knees. Jiang Cheng's cock springs free, and true to form, it's already flushed red and leaking at the tip. "I'm not that cruel."

"Wei Wuxian! I'll… I'll…" I'll what? Break your legs? Cry if you stop?

Wei Wuxian snorts, and, circling one hand around the base of his cock, presses a quick kiss to the tip. When he pulls away, his bottom lip is a little shiny, wet with Jiang Cheng's precum. The sight of it does something to Jiang Cheng, and his dick gives a little twitch, more precum dribbling out. Wei Wuxian catches the drops on his tongue, and Jiang Cheng's breath stops in his throat. His legs are weak. It's a good thing he's already leaning against a wall.

There's no question of it. Wei Wuxian was put on this earth to torment Jiang Cheng specifically.

Wei Wuxian glances up at just the wrong time, and he notices Jiang Cheng's stuttering inhale-exhale situation. He huffs out a laugh, and looks up at Jiang Cheng through his eyelashes. "Oh? Did you like that, shidi? Does that feel good?"

"You… you…" Jiang Cheng's thoughts are coming entirely too slowly. "Just… get on with it, already!"

Wei Wuxian lets out a low laugh - more of a huff, really. The puff of air ghosts across Jiang Cheng's cock and he shivers, body filling up with want and shame in equal measures. "You really want this, huh? You want my mouth on you? Or… you want to fuck my mouth?"

Jiang Cheng lets out a high pitched wheeze. Seriously, where did Wei Wuxian even learn about things like that?

When he hears the sound, Wei Wuxian's serious expression crumples into a genuine laugh, and he leans away, still holding on to Jiang Cheng's cock with one hand and covering his own mouth with the other. Jiang Cheng's face burns, and he hisses, "Shameless!"

Ugh. He sounds like Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian lets out a final giggle and, catching his breath, says, "Yeah, but you love it."

Not giving him a second to even process that, Wei Wuxian comes forward again, and finally licks a stripe up Jiang Cheng's cock, tonguing along the vein protruding on one side and circling around the head. He pulls off, and for a brief moment, the loss of sensation leaves Jiang Cheng bereft, before Wei Wuxian gently pulls his foreskin back, surges forward, and wraps his mouth over the tip, sucking lightly and laving his tongue over the slit. Jiang Cheng lets out a moan, then slaps a hand over his mouth, mind sparking back to awareness. What if someone hears?

Wei Wuxian pulls back to take a breath. "You can make noises if you want, Jiang Cheng. Who cares if someone comes over here and sees you? All aroused, and dripping into my mouth? Maybe they'll want a taste too." He punctuates his statement with another long lick up Jiang Cheng's cock.

"Where do you even get these ideas?" Jiang Cheng says, panting and taking his hand off his mouth to clutch at the wall. He can feel himself somehow hardening even more, the mental image proving to be almost too much. Someone else? Seeing Jiang Cheng with his dick in Wei Wuxian's mouth? No way. Jiang Cheng would die on the spot.

"That's besides the point," Wei Wuxian says. "Anyway, you taste so good, A-Cheng. What if I just stayed like this?"

Taste good? Now that has to be a lie. "How would I - ngh, how would I get anything done?"

"As if I'd even give you time to think about anything else," Wei Wuxian says with an amused huff.

Jiang Cheng almost protests, but Wei Wuxian dips his head to take Jiang Cheng's balls into his mouth, one at a time, slowly stroking his cock at the same time, and all the thoughts fly out of Jiang Cheng's head as pleasure overtakes him. His breath hitches, and he covers his mouth with one arm, biting into his sleeve until he can feel his flesh give way. The other arm clutches at the wall again, desperately trying to keep him upright since his knees have gone so weak.

Wei Wuxian pulls off and smirks at him, clearly thinking of something to say that will inevitably piss Jiang Cheng off. Instead of actually saying anything, though, he just turns back to Jiang Cheng's cock, finally taking the full head into his mouth and hollowing out his cheeks, sucking him deeper and deeper until the tip hits the back of his throat. Jiang Cheng lets out another muffled noise, accidentally slamming his head against the wall, and pulls his arm away from his face, breathing deeply and trying not to come just from that.

He looks down at Wei Wuxian and accidentally makes direct eye contact. That expression of his, glancing up through his eyelashes like a shy maiden while his mouth is occupied with something so filthy, bobbing his head faster and faster… the reality is so much more erotic than any porn that Jiang Cheng has ever read. Not that there's been that much.

Unconsciously, Jiang Cheng's free hand comes down to Wei Wuxian's face, laying over one cheek as he sucks so enthusiastically, then pushing his bangs out of his face and coming to rest in his hair. Wei Wuxian keeps sucking, moaning around his cock and unconsciously moving his own hips as he keeps going, and a pressure that's been building from the start reaches a head. His balls tighten, drawing up just slightly, and —

Too late, Jiang Cheng tries to warn him. "I'm gonna-"

Wei Wuxian doesn't break eye contact as Jiang Cheng comes, though, using his hand to finish Jiang Cheng off while he swallows as much as he can. Jiang Cheng, for his part, tightens his hand in Wei Wuxian's hair, tugging it out of his usual ponytail, pulling at it as he tries not to make a sound.

Finally, Wei Wuxian pulls off and swallows, taking in as much jing as his unpracticed mouth would allow. He even gets most of it, though Jiang Cheng can see a drop at the corner of his lips. Wei Wuxian coughs silently, not opening his mouth and letting any jing out, and Jiang Cheng frowns at him as he brings him up to standing.

Wei Wuxian reads the look correctly. "Went down the wrong pipe," he says.

"Well, don't choke," Jiang Cheng says, still frowning. "If you die now, this whole venture will have been for nothing."

The white droplet shines in the sunlight, taunting Jiang Cheng. He zones out as Wei Wuxian says something else, staring at the drop, and doesn't even realize until Wei Wuxian puts a hand on his chest that he's drawn Wei Wuxian so close.

Wei Wuxian is red in the face, his blush spreading across both cheeks and the bridge of his nose. His eyes are wide, pupils dilated, and his mouth is just slightly open, breath coming in short bursts like he's just run a few laps around Lotus Pier.

"What are you-" Wei Wuxian says.

Jiang Cheng interrupts him by putting a hand on his cheek and turning him just a bit to the side, licking up the drop, then kissing Wei Wuxian deeply, thrusting his tongue into his mouth and tangling with Wei Wuxian's. Can't waste any of that jing, after all. He loops his arms over Wei Wuxian's shoulders, hands clasped behind his neck, and draws him close, pressing them together.

Wei Wuxian leaves one hand on Jiang Cheng's chest and wraps the other arm around Jiang Cheng's waist, making a muffled noise into his mouth as they kiss again and again. Jiang Cheng can taste his cum in Wei Wuxian's mouth. It's salty and bitter and musky all at once and dammit, Wei Wuxian was definitely lying about this tasting good. Still, it's the sort of taste that's… kind of growing on Jiang Cheng, as he tastes more of it. Is this what Wei Wuxian tastes like, too? Or does he have a flavor of his own, something uniquely Wei Wuxian?

For a moment, Jiang Cheng is overcome with the desire to taste it for himself.

A little bit of drool leaks out from where their mouths are joined, cooling Jiang Cheng's heated skin as it evaporates. Wei Wuxian's hand moves slowly downwards, and Jiang Cheng gasps into Wei Wuxian's mouth as it comes to rest on his ass in a proprietary gesture, squeezing lightly. It's almost odd that he doesn't hate it, and odder still that if he hadn't come just now, he thinks he would have hardened again, just from that.

After another deep kiss, they separate for air, Jiang Cheng taking Wei Wuxian's bottom lip between his teeth and gently tugging at it as they move apart. The sound of heavy breathing fills the air, and it takes Jiang Cheng a moment to find his voice again. "Here, let me…"

He moves one hand down Wei Wuxian's chest, down his abdomen and in between the folds of his robes. Instead of the erection he's expecting, though, there's just… a large wet spot?

Jiang Cheng stares at Wei Wuxian, mind gone blank, watching as he somehow turns even more crimson. Wei Wuxian fidgets, glancing away then back up at Jiang Cheng. "Don't laugh at me!"

He definitely had been about to laugh, it's true. That… probably would be a little cruel, though. And more than that, what runs through him now is pure, unadulterated satisfaction.

"Come on," Jiang Cheng says instead. "I need to go put all of this away, and you should get changed." He gestures at all of the fallen training weapons.

Wei Wuxian helps him pick all of them up, grimacing all the while about the quickly drying patch of cum in his pants, and takes half of them to the shed himself. Jiang Cheng won't admit it, but the gesture warms his heart — a month ago, Wei Wuxian wouldn't have bothered helping him with any of this. No part of this encounter would have ever happened to begin with, actually. Wei Wuxian would have turned and left the second he saw Jiang Cheng coming.

As they exit the shed, a disciple stops them and says, "Sect Leader! Did you find the animal?"

"The ani- Oh! Yes. The animal," Jiang Cheng says. "I've taken care of it. Nothing to worry about."

The disciple nods eagerly. "Got it, boss!"

Without another word, the disciple runs off, back to whatever task he'd been interrupted from. Wei Wuxian looks at him from the corner of his eyes and says, "Boss?"

"Shut up," Jiang Cheng says, already knowing where this is going.

"You got it, boss," Wei Wuxian says. Jiang Cheng can hear the smirk in his voice. "Whatever you say, boss."

"Ugh, he's just new!" Jiang Cheng says. "I recognize him now. That's Wang Yichen — kid wandered all the way from the capital after his parents died. He doesn't know shit about manners, let alone cultivation."

He pokes Wei Wuxian in the side. "Maybe his wayward shixiong should take him under his wing."

"Who, me?" Wei Wuxian says. "Nah, I'd rather watch him keep calling you 'boss'." He barely gets the sentence out between bouts of laughter, and Jiang Cheng's frown progressively deepens.

"Aren't you supposed to be helping more now?" he snaps.

Immediately, he can tell it's the wrong thing to say, as both of them stop in their tracks. Wei Wuxian's laughter cuts off abruptly, and he turns sharply to look at Jiang Cheng. The expression on his face isn't stricken, exactly, but he does look a bit like Jiang Cheng just brought him to visit a kennel when he'd been told they were getting snacks and having a lazy day of fishing.

Wei Wuxian doesn't say anything, and that might actually be the worst part. His silence reminds Jiang Cheng of what things had been like before, of all the uncertainty he'd felt.

"I didn't… I didn't mean it like that," Jiang Cheng says, the words falling awkwardly from his lips. It should have been an apology, he knows that. Nothing of the sort will ever actually happen, though, because here he is, taking a leaf out of his mother's book yet again.

Luckily for him, Wei Wuxian seems to understand the sentiment below his words, and his frown relaxes. "I know you didn't," he says with a sigh. "But cut me some slack! I'm doing my best here. All the kids, they want me to demonstrate my 'corpse cultivation', and all of the Yunmeng Jiang sword techniques! I can't do either of those!"

Jiang Cheng huffs out a laugh. "You're going to have to start beating them off with a stick at some point."

"They'll just take that as an excuse to spar with me!" Wei Wuxian whines. "Ah, Jiang Cheng, you have to save me!" He clings to Jiang Cheng's arm, one hand curled around his bicep and the other around his wrist, practically hanging off him and batting his eyelashes.

"How so?" Jiang Cheng says, fighting off his amusement.

"Come spar with the baby disciples after lunch?" Wei Wuxian asks.

Jiang Cheng snorts. Of course it was going to be something like that. "Fine, fine," he says, ignoring Wei Wuxian's shout of glee and little jump into the air. "Only for a little while, though. Can't let my work pile up too much."

He turns to keep walking, grabbing Wei Wuxian's hand on the way to drag him along. He'd probably run off to keep working on his cultivation — demonic or not — instead of coming to lunch if Jiang Cheng didn't keep a hold of him, even if Jiang Yanli was there as an incentive. Next to him, Wei Wuxian lets out a noise that sounds a bit like boiling water escaping from a pot and stumbles along, catching up to Jiang Cheng soon enough.

Jiang Cheng looks at him. "What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Wei Wuxian says, raising his other hand to nervously scratch at his head. "Just… are you going to keep holding on to me?"

"You'll run off somewhere if I don't," Jiang Cheng says. "Don't argue, you know it's true. You need to get changed, and we have to speed through lunch with A-jie if you want to make it to the baby disciples' sword lessons on time."

Wei Wuxian glances between their joined hands and Jiang Cheng's serious expression, and grins. "Right. You're right. Let's hurry, yeah?"

Jiang Cheng nods, and the two of them walk faster to the main hall, Wei Wuxian chattering about something inane on the way there. He's doing a bit of an awkward waddle too, and Jiang Cheng has to fight to not let out a snort of amusement. It's nice to see Wei Wuxian bounce back so fast from Jiang Cheng putting his foot in his mouth, exactly the way that he used to. A month ago, something like this would have led to another long, drawn-out argument that ended in them not speaking to each other, if only to avoid getting into a fistfight on sight. Jiang Cheng would have been angry-unhappy, Wei Wuxian would have been sad-and-angry-unhappy, and Jiang Yanli would have stretched herself even thinner to try and bring them back together, and take care of the sect, all by herself.

No, things are better this way. Maybe it's that the resentful energy has less of a hold on Wei Wuxian, maybe it's the growth of his new golden core, maybe it's that he's not off trying (and failing) to think of a solution on his own, like a total dumbass. Overconfident idiot. Seriously, if he'd just taken a minute to let Jiang Cheng grieve instead of jumping at the first opportunity to become a martyr, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess!

Or maybe Jiang Cheng really wouldn't have been able to handle the loss of his golden core, like Wei Wuxian had thought, and then they'd be in an even bigger mess. That was… also a possibility. One that he couldn't discount.

As they draw closer to the main hall, Jiang Cheng can hear Jiang Yanli's voice, instructing a few of the newer servants on how to properly lay out the furniture and place settings for large, formal gatherings. Useful information, Jiang Cheng supposes, and Jiang Yanli is really the only one around who'd know the minutiae, since the Wens hadn't spared any of the servants they'd gotten their hands on.

The Jiang Sect doesn't have any large events coming up, which is probably for the best, but the servants need to be trained as soon as possible. There's no telling when one of the other sect leaders will show up and try to extort them for something, after all, and Jiang Cheng needs to make sure that nothing goes wrong during those times, especially with the staff — which is where Jiang Yanli comes in.

Not for the first time, Jiang Cheng thinks to himself that his sister has to be a heavenly official in disguise or something.

Jiang Yanli, when the two of them see her, is carefully instructing the servants. When she turns and sees them, she smiles softly and waves, but continues speaking to the new servants until the two of them are closer to her.

"Time for lunch?" she asks.

"Definitely," Jiang Cheng says. "I'm starving, aren't you?"

She laughs. "Absolutely. Shall we?"

"I'll meet you two there," Wei Wuxian says, turning. "Just have to…" He trails off, gesturing wildly in the direction of his bedroom and grins sheepishly at them.

"Is something the matter?" Jiang Yanli asks, looking concerned.

"Nothing, nothing, not a thing!" Wei Wuxian says, beginning to slink off to the family quarters.

It's the same tone of voice he's always used when he's trying to hide something, and Jiang Yanli sees through it immediately. She's kind enough not to call him out, though. "Well, if you say so…"

Wei Wuxian nods frantically. "Mhm, everything's fine! I'll be right back, then we can have a nice lunch."

He doesn't quite run, but it still rather feels like he's fleeing the scene. Jiang Yanli stares after him for a brief moment, then looks at Jiang Cheng, raising an eyebrow.

Images of what the two of them had just done float up in front of Jiang Cheng's eyes, and with great effort, he tries not to blush — though, by the way Jiang Yanli's other eyebrow raises to join the first, he's not sure he's successful. He shakes his head, willing her not to ask anything, and she's merciful enough to read the unspoken request in his eyes and acquiesce.

Yeah. She really is the best.

"Don't worry about him, A-jie," he says, and places a hand on her back to get them both moving. "Let's go, I'm hungry."

"Alright, alright," Jiang Yanli says with a laugh, and the two of them set off, discussing the day so far. Jiang Yanli, it seems, has spent her morning instructing the new staff so thoroughly that they could individually run discussion conferences themselves, while Jiang Cheng's morning had been less eventful — until Wei Wuxian dragged him behind that shed, of course, but he wasn't going to tell his sister that.

Still, it's good that the servants are so well-prepared now, Jiang Cheng thinks, turning his mind back to sect matters. Because someday Jiang Yanli is going to get married and leave their household, and everyone needs to be prepared for that day.

Never mind that Jiang Cheng himself isn't prepared for that, and indeed the very thought sends a pang through his gut. It has to happen someday, he knows that. Having the knowledge doesn't make it any less painful, though. Everything's changed so much in the last few years. Is it truly so bad that he wants at least something to stay the same?

He shakes himself out of his thoughts when he feels a light touch to his arm, and notices Jiang Yanli looking at him, concerned. "What happened, A-Cheng?"

"Nothing," Jiang Cheng says, squirming uncomfortably under her searching gaze. "Just got lost in thought for a bit."

"Oh? Anything I can help with?" Jiang Yanli says.

"It's really nothing serious," Jiang Cheng says. How can he tell her about what's making him sad when it's about her to begin with? "Just sect business."

"Well, alright," she says. "If you say so."

From her words, it's clear she doesn't believe him, but as with Wei Wuxian, she's kind enough to let it go instead of pressing.

Jiang Cheng doesn't bother saying anything in response — it's just going to come out as him yelling anyway, and he really doesn't feel like being rude to his sister when all she's done is show concern about the two of them. He's not entirely oblivious to the way he is — it's just that he's never quite figured out how to be any different, no matter how much he might try. Or not try. Better to just stay quiet.

The rest of the walk to the dining hall and the start of their lunch is spent in silence, peaceful on Jiang Yanli's part and contemplative on Jiang Cheng's. Thoughts swirl around his head, racing each other like he and Wei Wuxian used to. Someday, Jiang Yanli will leave — it's a fact of life. But Wei Wuxian might stay with him now, the way they'd always planned. He'll be Jiang Cheng's second-in-command, the person he trusts the most. It'll be a level of responsibility that Wei Wuxian might not want, but that Jiang Cheng knows he's prepared for. Has been prepared for, since the day he came to Lotus Pier.

But, if Wei Wuxian really doesn't want a position like that, then Jiang Cheng will take care of the sect on his own. Having a second-in-command like Wei Wuxian would be a luxury, after all, and Jiang Cheng would be able to make his way without, the same way that his father had after Wei Changze had married Cangse Sanren and left Lotus Pier. He has others he can rely on for sect business, few as the number is. And more will come — he has enough faith in the Jiang name to continue to draw newcomers to the sect.

If Wei Wuxian just stays with him, then Jiang Cheng can handle things. That, he's sure of.

A vision flashes into his mind of Wei Wuxian in red robes, kneeling next to him with a bright smile, and Jiang Cheng inhales sharply, choking on his own saliva.

What the fuck? Where did that come from?

He coughs a few times, pounding at his chest, and grabs at his teacup, taking a sip and breathing deeply. For a moment, he stares at the ceiling, eyes watering as he fights to catch his breath, a few more coughs escaping him. Someone sits next to him and hits him on the back a few times, and he swats at them to stop.

"What- stop that!" Wei Wuxian says. "I'm trying to help you, stupid!"

"I don't need your help," Jiang Cheng croaks out automatically.

Wei Wuxian's jaw drops indignantly. "You're the one who was choking!"

"I would've handled it!" Jiang Cheng says, airway finally clearing.

"Settle down, you two," Jiang Yanli says. "A-Cheng, are you alright?"

"I'm just fine," Jiang Cheng says as Wei Wuxian gets up and walks away. "I was just… lost in thought."

He looks down at himself, and sees that he's seated in front of a low table, a few dishes spread out in front of him and a partially peeled lotus seed in his hand. A few feet away, Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian are halfway through their own lunches. They must have been talking about something before Jiang Cheng temporarily lost his mind and distracted them, judging by the looks on both of their faces.

Jiang Yanli is the quickest to recover. "Just be careful, alright? We don't want you choking when there's no one around to help."

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. "I'm not some old man to be choking all the time, you know."

"Are you sure about that?" Wei Wuxian asks, lifting a hand to his chin and stroking it thoughtfully. "You've always been stiff like some old geezer, you know. I bet that when you were born, you scolded Zhao-daifu for not having enough decorum."

Jiang Cheng frowns as Jiang Yanli stifles a laugh. "Shut the fuck up. Just because some of us have to be respectable…"

"Yeah, right, respectable," Wei Wuxian says. "I didn't think you were very respectable when you were-"

He stops abruptly, face flushing. Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow at him, silently wondering if he'll continue, but Wei Wuxian stays silent, shaking his head lightly. Wei Wuxian is almost never silent when he's around Jiang Yanli, except when he's flustered.

Ah. He's thinking about what they did earlier.

Jiang Cheng's own face flushes red, as his brief fantasy from earlier comes back, this time with a new image of Wei Wuxian in this red robes, on his knees. Mouth open, just waiting for Jiang Cheng to slip inside and take what he wants, access freely given because it's Jiang Cheng.

"A-Cheng?" Jiang Yanli says.

Jiang Cheng breaks out of his thoughts abruptly. "Yes?"

"You must have been lost in thought again," she says. "What's on your mind? Is it anything we can help with?"

He swallows thickly, fantasies evaporating like the morning dew. "It's really nothing. I'm just a little distracted today. I've been thinking about, uh, recruitment."

Jiang Yanli huffs out a laugh at him. "A-Cheng, that's what we've been talking about. Maybe if you would pay attention once in a while, you'd know that."

"Ah, really?" he says. "Well, what have you come up with?"

"I think it's a good idea to let the rogue cultivators keep coming," Wei Wuxian says. "They've already got some background knowledge, so we don't have to spend as much time training them."

"The ones who've come so far have been wonderful," Jiang Yanli says. "And I think we should continue taking in as many people as we can, no matter the circumstances. Still, I wonder if this will come back to bite us later…"

She trails off, but Jiang Cheng knows exactly what she's thinking about. After all, so many years ago, the two of them had the same lessons on the sect's beliefs, morals, and motto — and lessons on how not everyone could, or would, embody those, and what to do in those cases. Their parents hadn't exactly been as strict as the other sects about who they let join — it just wasn't the Jiang way — but not everybody was permitted in, either. When his parents had been in charge, the other sects had seen this policy as just a quirk of Yunmeng Jiang, but now that Jiang Cheng is leading the sect, he knows they see it as a weakness. A liability.

What would their parents think of them now? Desperately scraping by like this? Scrambling for people, goods, and money? And possibly more importantly, how many of the other sects that lasted through the war are praying for their downfall? Looking for any excuse to take them down?

That being said, though… "I'm not sure we have much of a choice right now," Jiang Cheng says. "We're still so low on manpower. If something else happens, we'll have no one to defend the sect if potential recruits stop coming."

"True," Wei Wuxian says, nodding. "We need to make sure no one else tries anything. No one should be able to touch us, and if they try, we'll crush them."

His words come out with a certain darkness to them. It's the same way he spoke during the Sunshot Campaign, before Jiang Cheng found out his secret — full of a certain rage and guilt that turns Jiang Cheng's stomach to hear it. Now that he knows what to look for, he can practically hear the resentful energy humming along below Wei Wuxian's voice, situated among a familiar bloodlust.

Jiang Cheng suppresses a shudder. For those three horrible years, Wei Wuxian had been terrifying, but brilliant to look at. Now that he knows, though, it's all just kind of… depressing. Lately, Jiang Cheng has been trying to not think about that time so much. It's over, and he can focus on fixing things — though, the words don't mean as much when he's bent over and heaving after yet another nightmare.

(Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice whispers, does Wei Wuxian have the same nightmares? Could you be the one to make them quiet down?)

From nearby, Jiang Yanli shifts, uneasy. "I don't know about crushing them… I'm sure that at this point, the other sects are just as eager for peace as we are."

Jiang Cheng lets out an involuntary, sardonic snort at that, clapping a hand over his mouth and looking away when Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian turn to look at him. When he's recovered, he glances back, annoyance at the other sect leaders flooding through him.

"Is something going on?" Jiang Yanli asks. "Should we be preparing for another war?"

Jiang Cheng sighs. "No, it's nothing, really. Most everyone is ready for peace. It's just the vultures that I'm worried about."

"Vultures?" Jiang Yanli asks. "Do I need to-" She cuts herself off, making a gesture that falls somewhere between a twisting and a tearing motion.

Jiang Cheng, not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean, shakes his head. "No, don't worry about it. I just have to make sure I don't make any stupid moves, and we'll be fine."

"Well, you're always thinking so hard about everything, I think we'll be fine," Wei Wuxian says.

"Fuck off," Jiang Cheng says. "One of us has to do the thinking around here."

"So mean, Jiang Cheng!" Wei Wuxian whines, leaning back on his hands, an exaggerated pout twisting his face. He throws his head back and laughs, and the long line of his throat does something to Jiang Cheng, a flutter running through his stomach.

What would it feel like, to see Wei Wuxian laughing like that with his neck covered in marks that he left? Knowing that he's the one who put them there, that nothing can take away the fact that they've had each other's firsts? Walking up behind Wei Wuxian and pressing his fingers to the marks, reminding him of all they've done together?

More images flit through his mind, and heat rushes through Jiang Cheng, his skin prickling with the sensation. Slowly, unobtrusively, he shifts where he's seated, trying to diffuse the pressure that he can feel building up inside of him — and then abruptly comes to the realization that his sister is calling his name, and has been for some time.

"A-Cheng, are you sure everything's alright?" Jiang Yanli asks. "It's really not like you to be so easily distracted."

"It's nothing, jie," Jiang Cheng says. "Really. I'm just having a weird day."

Beside him, Wei Wuxian snorts, and Jiang Cheng fights the urge to smack him on the back of his head.

Jiang Yanli eyes the two of them curiously, but doesn't comment. Standing up, she says, "Well… alright. In any case, I guess it's time to get back to work."

"It never ends," Jiang Cheng says with a shrug, joining her by the door.

"That's true," Jiang Yanli says. "Still, we've made so much progress in such a short time! I'm proud of us."

"Me too," Wei Wuxian says from between them, throwing his arms around their shoulders and drawing the two of them in close. "Just a little more, and the sect will be back to where it was, I just know it."

Jiang Cheng smiles at the ground. "I hope you're right."

—

Jiang Cheng enters his office with the full intent to get work done — and he's almost successful, until one of the newer servants knocks on the door and announces that Lotus Pier has a visitor.

"From where?" Jiang Cheng asks, frowning. They hadn't been expecting anyone, and while it wasn't unusual for disciples of their neighboring sects to drop by without warning, this felt like there was much more… ceremony. A pretentiousness that their neighbors just didn't have.

"She's come from Lanling, Sect Leader, with news from the Jin Sect," the servant says without fanfare.

Jiang Cheng groans, dropping his head down into his hands. He should have known it would be something like that. This is going to be such an ordeal — just what were they up to now…?

"Bring her to the northernmost pavilion, the one we just finished reconstructing," Jiang Cheng says. "After that, bring us tea for four. I need to find A-jie and Wei Wuxian."

"Yes, Sect Leader," the servant says with a quick bow, before disappearing down the hallway back towards the entrance.

Jiang Cheng counts to five in his mind, breathing deeply all the while, then stands up, steeling himself for whatever news he's about to get. Whatever this is, they'll just have to make it through. Like they always do.

After he leaves his office, though, it's after just a few steps that he runs into Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian. They must have heard about the visitor too, he thinks, because both of them look rather grim, all the levity from lunch having vanished. A visitor is one thing, but a visitor from Lanling Jin only spells trouble, when the only communication between their two sects lately has been Jin Guangshan subtly badgering Jiang Cheng to give up his seat and integrate into the Jin sect and Jiang Cheng politely telling him to fuck off. Unless Jin Guangshan has suddenly grown a conscience, but Jiang Cheng hasn't seen any heavenly officials descending and the sky hasn't turned green, so that seems unlikely.

Wordlessly, the three of them march to the pavilion, Jiang Cheng in the lead, taking their time on the way so as to not give the impression that their visitor is of particular importance. Hopefully, if they take long enough, their visitor will just get up and leave, and then Jiang Cheng won't have to deal with whatever this is.

Still, even moving as slowly as they are, they still reach the pavilion, where someone waits for them. Jiang Cheng sees her briefly from the back as she takes a sip of tea, before the sounds of their approach reach her and she gets up to greet them with a bow. He searches through his mind for a moment before recognition finally hits him.

Beside him, Wei Wuxian bounds forward to greet her. "Mianmian! It's good to see you!"

She sighs as she straightens. "It's good to see you too, I suppose." She's smiling, though, so she can't be too annoyed, though Jiang Cheng wouldn't blame her if she was.

"Welcome to Lotus Pier," Jiang Cheng says with a shallow bow. He tries to keep his face impassive, but he can't deny that internally, he's breathing a sigh of relief. Of all the people who could have come, Luo Qingyang is probably the best option — of all the members of the Jin Sect that he's met, she's certainly the most tolerable.

From next to him, Jiang Yanli gives her own greeting, and Luo Qingyang bows again in response. Good. Jiang Cheng would have her thrown out on her head if she'd dared to disrespect his sister in her own home, though that probably wouldn't have stopped most of the Jins.

When they're all settled back around the table, teacups in front of them, Jiang Cheng asks, "So, what brings you to Lotus Pier?"

Luo Qingyang's eyes brighten. "I've come with an invitation! Sect Leader Jin will be hosting a night hunt on Phoenix Mountain in one month, and the Jiang Sect has been invited to compete." She pulls out a missive and passes it over the table to Jiang Cheng — must be the invite.

Jiang Cheng opens it and holds it out in front of him, so that both Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian can see it. The paper is thick, cream-colored with gold embellishments, the lettering done with the utmost care. It practically drips money onto the table. Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow at Jiang Yanli — this is the sect you want to marry into?

She frowns in response, then shrugs in a way that Jiang Cheng thinks is supposed to mean, it's certainly ostentatious, but my wishes haven't changed.

Jiang Cheng shrugs back, and they both turn their gazes to Wei Wuxian, who's still studying the invitation from Jiang Cheng's right side. He's frowning slightly, but his expression brightens as he turns to look at Luo Qingyang.

"A night hunt, huh… What's the plan?" Wei Wuxian asks, a note of excitement in his voice.

The three of them listen as Luo Qingyang explains the setup and describes who else will be attending. Jiang Cheng nods along as she speaks — it sounds a little on the flamboyant side, but it is being hosted by the Jin Sect, after all. The hunt itself doesn't sound especially difficult, so the newer disciples will be able to show off a little. Raise Yunmeng Jiang's reputation a little more, hopefully; it's exactly what they've needed since their fall. And Wei Wuxian will be able to test the strength of his newly bolstered cultivation, see how well he can use it alongside his demonic cultivation.

Yeah, a night hunt might be exactly what they've needed.

Jiang Cheng tunes back in to hear Wei Wuxian say, "Oh? Will you give me flowers, Mianmian?"

His tone is obnoxiously flirtatious, head tilted with his chin resting in his palm as he leans on the table. Jiang Cheng can't see his face from this angle, but it's likely that Wei Wuxian has an expression that says he's goofing off. It's the one with the smirk and the half-lidded eyes — Jiang Cheng knows it well, given how frequently he saw it when Wei Wuxian was first discovering that girls exist.

He suppresses a shudder at the thought of those times. Ugh, Wei Wuxian had been such a disaster…

In response to Wei Wuxian's question, Luo Qingyang snorts. "As if I'd be the one to give you flowers. Don't you have a hundred other girls for that? Why should I be the one?"

"Aren't you still yearning for me?" Wei Wuxian asks. Jiang Cheng can practically hear the smile in his voice.

"Me? Yearning?" she says with a shudder. "Ugh, that's disgusting. Don't even joke about that."

Luo Qingyang gives an exaggerated shake of her head to show her distaste for the thought of ever longing for Wei Wuxian, but the way that she's smiling betrays her real amusement. It makes her eyes crinkle into crescents in a way that Jiang Cheng will reluctantly admit is endearing.

Wei Wuxian had flirted with her when they'd first met, if Jiang Cheng is remembering correctly — though, he himself had been a little distracted stewing over their situation with Wen Chao at the time. He'd heard all about their little exchange after they'd recovered Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji from the Xuanwu of Slaughter's cave — about how cute 'Mianmian' was and how useful her sachet of herbs had been.

There had been a genuine note of respect in Wei Wuxian's voice when he spoke about her, Jiang Cheng remembers. She and her friends had kept up with everyone else on their hunt, and without those herbs, it's likely that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji wouldn't have made it out alive.

But then, there was also Wang Lingjiao and the Wen branding iron.

Part of Jiang Cheng understands why Wei Wuxian did it. Why he'd jumped in the middle, protected someone he barely knew. It was what they were supposed to do as cultivators, anyway — be righteous, stand for what's right, and protect those who can't protect themselves. But another part, a more irrational part, still wants to scream that Wei Wuxian was an idiot for putting himself into that situation. That he should have just stayed back, not involved himself in the situation at all. That Luo Qingyang should have just sucked it up and accepted the burn, so they could have all gotten out of that cave at once, or fought her own way out instead of relying on others.

Jiang Cheng knows he's being unfair. After all, being burned like that would have utterly ruined Luo Qingyang's life — he's not so unaware that he doesn't even know that much, and it would have been very difficult for her to get out of that situation on her own. Still, though, he can't help but replay the what-ifs in his mind. If they had all managed to escape together, maybe they could have killed Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao early. Maybe Lotus Pier never would have fallen. Maybe his parents would still be alive.

Maybe, Luo Qingyang and Wei Wuxian wouldn't be here, flirting with each other right in front of Jiang Cheng's tea.

As soon as the thought enters his mind, it's like Jiang Cheng's been hit over the head with one of Jiang Yanli's favorite frying pans. Why should he even care, that Wei Wuxian and Luo Qingyang are flirting with each other? Shouldn't that be a good thing? After all, Luo Qingyang isn't a bad candidate for a bride at all — she's loyal, righteous, strong enough to have made it through the Sunshot Campaign, and genuine. Her face is pleasing, and she has good connections — Jiang Cheng truly can't find any significant faults in her.

So why is it that when he thinks about them getting married, Jiang Cheng's heart drops into his stomach? His heart stutters, and his fingers twitch with the urge to dig them into his hair and pull until he can't think about anything else but the pain?

From what feels like a long distance away, he can still hear their voices, his mind spiraling away all the while. Flashes of a wedding flick through his mind — Wei Wuxian and Luo Qingyang dressed in red, bowing to each other, drinking wine with their arms intertwined. Of Jiang Cheng himself in the back, sending Wei Wuxian off on his new life with a pat on the back and a smile, as if nothing matters.

It's not reality. But it could be.

Still, Jiang Cheng doesn't understand why that should matter. He should be happy that Wei Wuxian still has some prospects! After all, dual cultivation with a wife should be plenty to help Wei Wuxian continue rebuilding his core, right? It should be even more helpful than dual cultivation with another man, if Jiang Cheng is remembering his studies correctly. If Wei Wuxian packs up and leaves to start a new life with a wife, just like his father, he should be just fine. Jiang Cheng won't have to worry.

Ah — but if he leaves, he won't be Jiang Cheng's anymore. He won't be here to help take care of Lotus Pier, train the disciples, support Jiang Cheng however he needs. That, more than anything, causes a pang of horror to shoot through Jiang Cheng, and he swallows deeply. That must be it — he just can't stand the thought of Wei Wuxian leaving him.

Another vision flashes into his mind, this time of Jiang Cheng in Luo Qingyang's place, bowing to Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng almost chokes on his own saliva. No way. He's definitely losing it now, if he's imagining things like that. Seriously? Him and Wei Wuxian? Sure, they might know each other carnally now, but marriage?

Clearly, Jiang Cheng needs a nap, or perhaps a strong drink, if this is where his mind is going now.

He suppresses the urge to shake his head to clear his mind, and tunes back into the conversation just in time to hear Luo Qingyang say, "Of course I brought the message myself! How could I pass up the chance to see my old friends?"

"Awww," Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli coo in unison. Jiang Cheng does a double take — how'd they managed that?

"That's so kind of you!" Jiang Yanli continues. She's beaming, and Jiang Cheng smiles at his sister's enthusiasm.

"Not at all!" Luo Qingyang says. "If anything, I was being a little pushy to get this assignment. I just wanted to visit."

Jiang Yanli flutters around her a little more, and Jiang Cheng watches, partly amused and partly wishing he could slam his head into the nearest stone pillar. It was a nice thing to do, to push for a specific assignment so that she could come check on her old comrades. He briefly entertains the thought that she's a spy, sent deliberately by the Jin Sect to steal Jiang secrets, but- no. Truly, there's no way — and it's not like his Spiders suspected anything either, or they would have notified him. No, she's truly innocent. In a way, it's almost infuriating — how dare she actually be a good person? Why couldn't she have a hidden — or not-so-hidden — dark side?

Ugh. He's kind of a bad person, isn't he? Wishing that Luo Qingyang has a secret dark side, just so that he can justify his dislike of her? His father would be disappointed in him.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes for a moment, stewing in it before swallowing it all back down. Opening his eyes again and taking a deep breath, he says, "I see. Thank you for bringing us the invitation — I will write a response with our attendance before you leave. How fares the Jin Sect?"

Luo Qingyang nods in acknowledgement. "Everyone is doing well," she says. "Young Master Jin actually wished to bring the invitation himself, but Sect Leader Jin assigned him another task, so I was able to come instead. He's excited, though, the hunt is practically all he can talk about. He's excited about the, uh, company." At this, her eyes flick to Jiang Yanli.

Jiang Cheng catches the quick movement, but Jiang Yanli, fidgeting with her now-empty teacup, does not. "Oh?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. "Anyone in particular?"

Another quick glance at Jiang Yanli. "You know, I think that's meant to be a surprise," Luo Qingyang says. "I really shouldn't say. In any case, I'll be accompanying his retinue on the hunt, so we'll see each other then, too."

She side-eyes Wei Wuxian. "So there's no way I can give you flowers that day."

Wei Wuxian laughs and says, "Alright, alright, I won't ask again. Is Jin Zixuan still a stuck-up pig?"

"A-Xian!" Jiang Yanli hisses. She smiles awkwardly at Luo Qingyang. "Oh, you know how those two are."

"I understand," Luo Qingyang says, rueful. "He's been a little high-strung, certainly, with planning the hunt, but as I said, he's excited."

"That's good to hear," Jiang Yanli says. "And everyone else?"

"Doing well," Luo Qingyang says. "Sect Leader Jin has delegated some of the usual work to Jin Guangyao. Young Master Jin tells me that things are going well between them, though… I think the adjustment may have been a little difficult for them both. They've been a little bit stressed after meetings with Sect Leader Jin."

"It's certainly an adjustment," Jiang Cheng says, still a little off-kilter. "Though, from what I remember hearing, Jin Guangyao was excellent with anything administrative. I expected him to fit right in."

"Oh, he is," Luo Qingyang says. "Anything bookkeeping, anything with the sect's daily tasks, Jin Guangyao knows exactly what to do. It's just that… I think his heritage might still be getting in the way of him having a real place in Koi Tower. It's a shame."

Jiang Cheng is less than surprised. The son of a prostitute, no matter who his father is, wouldn't be able to make it very far in a place like Koi Tower. Being one of Jin Guangshan's bastards… well, it's astounding that Jin Guangyao has made it as far as he has, though he's sure that Nie Mingjue's backing, close friendship with Lan Xichen, and Jin Guangyao's role in the Sunshot Campaign have more to do with that than anything else.

That Jiang Cheng has been left out of their newly sworn brotherhood stings, but he shouldn't have expected anything less.

"It is a shame," Jiang Yanli says. "Please pass on our well-wishes when you see him next."

"I will," Luo Qingyang says. "He's been a little busy with some other projects that Sect Leader Jin has assigned to him, but he should be present at the hunt as well. Hopefully he'll have some time to relax, afterwards. Young Master Jin said… ah, well, I shouldn't gossip!"

Wei Wuxian laughs. "It's not like we have a rule against gossipping! This isn't the Cloud Recesses, you know."

Luo Qingyang stifles a laugh. "Speaking of, I hear the Lan Sect is recovering well. I think they're almost fully done rebuilding!"

"That's good to hear," Jiang Cheng says. "Any news from Qinghe?"

"I believe they're doing well," Luo Qingyang says. "I think there's been some unrest among their non-cultivator population, though. Something about conflict between the current residents and people moving from the former Wen territories. Has there been anything like that here?"

Jiang Cheng shakes his head. "We're a little too far south for that. It's just too far to travel for most people."

"That's true," she says. "I guess they're just holding a grudge against anyone even slightly associated with the Wen Sect, up in the north. I think it's mostly been trade disputes so far, but still, I'll be keeping an eye on the situation."

Jiang Cheng nods sharply, mind in disarray. The persistent strife in the north isn't significant enough to be concerning yet, but he makes a mental note to monitor the north from afar. If any new strife travels to Yunmeng, Jiang Cheng needs to be informed of it immediately. The sect really won't be able to handle any major conflicts right now, and keeping the peace among the common folk is difficult enough as it is — solving their disputes is half of what Jiang Cheng does on a daily basis.

Still, the thought is quickly pushed aside as Jiang Cheng's mind returns to other topics — namely, the thought of Wei Wuxian and Luo Qingyang running off together and getting married. The two of them becoming rogue cultivators, just like Wei Wuxian's parents had before him. The two of them having a pack of children, and living happy lives without the rules and expectations of the sects.

And Wei Wuxian, living a happy life free of Jiang Cheng.

That's what his mind keeps landing on, as he absently rises from his seat and bids Luo Qingyang a good afternoon — that whether he'd meant to or not, he'd trapped Wei Wuxian, first through their mutual golden core sacrifices, then through this scheme of his to rebuild Wei Wuxian's core. If it wasn't for their extremely specific circumstances, Wei Wuxian probably would have already bid him farewell and left to seek his own fortune, or start his own sect with his own unique style of cultivation or something. He's perfectly capable of it, that Jiang Cheng knows.

He stands quietly as Jiang Yanli leads Luo Qingyang to a guest room, ignoring the concerned glance that Wei Wuxian shoots his way and motioning for him to follow them. Wei Wuxian will be more useful in helping Luo Qingyang get settled in for the night than following Jiang Cheng around any more, he thinks, and moves aside when Wei Wuxian brushes past, still frowning.

The sun's shining on his skin, but it doesn't feel like much. Neither does the light breeze, for that matter. The ground is both near and far from his feet. It's as though he's standing on air, reality far away, and he doesn't come back to himself until Yu Lihua taps him on the shoulder and asks what's wrong.

—

Jiang Cheng spends the rest of the afternoon being entirely unproductive, picking up paperwork from his stacks of reading material but not absorbing a single word. Dinner goes similarly, with Jiang Cheng not uttering more than a few words, leaving the conversation mainly to Wei Wuxian, Jiang Yanli, and Luo Qingyang. It's almost standard for him to be quiet during dinner, using it as his time to reflect on the day's work, but this degree of quiet is unusual even for him, and he knows that everyone else has noticed.

He just… can't stop thinking about the possibility of Wei Wuxian leaving, now that it seems like even more of a reality than before. Now that there's someone who Wei Wuxian could build a life of his own with, rather than being bound to the Jiang family like Yu Ziyuan had ordered.

(Jiang Cheng carefully ignores the thought that, if Wei Wuxian chose to build a life of his own in Lotus Pier where he would be within Jiang Cheng's reach, he'd be absolutely fine with it.)

Still, he manages to make it through dinner, even if the food tasted like ashes on his tongue the whole time, and makes his escape as fast as possible, leaving Jiang Yanli to take care of Luo Qingyang. Really, it'll be good if the two of them become closer friends — she's a good person, and Jiang Cheng has never heard her say a bad word about his sister, so he has nothing to object to.

But as he makes his way out of the dining hall, Wei Wuxian follows him, waiting until everyone else is out of earshot to confront him.

"Jiang Cheng, seriously, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day!" Wei Wuxian says.

"Seriously, like I keep saying, it's nothing," Jiang Cheng says. It's good that it's not Jiang Yanli asking this time, because he might just break and spill everything to her, but he's at least a little more able to keep his cool against Wei Wuxian.

"I don't believe that for even a second," Wei Wuxian says. "Don't lie to me. We can all tell that something's up. If it wasn't me asking, it would be Shijie."

Jiang Cheng frowns. Maybe he has been a bit obvious about it, but… "It's nothing." Before Wei Wuxian can protest, he amends his statement. "It's nothing you can help me with."

It's not even a lie, is the thing. Sure, Wei Wuxian might be part of the problem, but he's also probably not a part of the solution. If only Jiang Cheng could get his mind off this damn debt that they owe each other — Jiang Cheng knowingly, Wei Wuxian without any clue. If only Jiang Cheng hadn't come up with this stupid dual cultivation scheme, then half of these thoughts about Wei Wuxian's marriage and future life and maybe him leaving the Jiang Sect wouldn't have ever entered his mind.

For a moment, Jiang Cheng is tempted to just let it all out. Say everything that's on his mind. Let Wei Wuxian know about what Jiang Cheng had given up for him, all the words that he'd been planning to take to his grave. Maybe it would help. Maybe it would get rid of this awful, gnawing feeling in the pit of Jiang Cheng's stomach, and let him stay focused in his body instead of feeling like he's going to start floating away at any given moment.

Something keeps his mouth shut, though, some voice of reason that says, how can it be considered a debt if Wei Wuxian doesn't even know about it? It's not like you're ever going to tell him.

That, more than anything else, stays his hand — or his tongue, in this case. This whole situation is his own fault to begin with. Everything that Wei Wuxian did, no matter how much Jiang Cheng hates it, had just been in reaction to Jiang Cheng's own incompetence.

Unable to keep holding his tongue, he says, "I don't want to argue with you right now. Can't you just leave it be?"

Wei Wuxian's jaw works for a moment as he grinds his teeth. "Fine. Have it your way."

He stalks off in the other direction, darkness clouding his face. Jiang Cheng takes a tiny step forward, almost about to call out to him, to take it all back, but stops himself before he can do something so foolish. He just needs a moment to swallow it all back down, to compress all the emotions threatening to spill over back into a box in his mind and bury it deep. It's never worked for him before, but maybe it will this time, if he just tries hard enough.

Or maybe this is the last straw, and Wei Wuxian will start making plans to leave forever. It'll be like those three months he was gone during the Sunshot Campaign, but Jiang Cheng will at least know that he's alive this time — though, it might be worse to know that this time, Wei Wuxian just doesn't want to see him.

Slowly, he returns to his office, sitting down at his desk and leaning back on his hands to stare at the ceiling. Isn't it better this way, though? If he prepares himself for the reality of Wei Wuxian leaving the sect, then he won't be as crushed when it actually happens. He's had years to prepare himself for Jiang Yanli to leave, so it's only right that he has at least a little while to prepare himself for Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng slumps over his desk, the side of his face pressing into his papers. He closes his eyes, focusing on the scent of still-drying ink. It's a comforting smell; when he was a child, still small enough that his parents didn't have any expectations of him, he used to sneak into his father's office and hide, listening to his meetings and falling asleep to the sounds and smells of Jiang Fengmian sending letters. It would be nice if he could do that now — hide in a corner and let someone else take over, if only for a little while.

Someday, Jiang Cheng will end up alone. He knows that to be fact, now, knows that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian will leave him and Lotus Pier behind. He's done his best to cling to them, but he won't cage them for his own benefit, either. He just needs to do something to accept it, to get rid of this ridiculous tightness in his chest and throat.

He shifts, eyes landing on Sandu, a hand coming to rest on his lower dantian.

Maybe it would be best to just cut Wei Wuxian loose, at this point. He's well on his way to regaining his old power — he'd still need to dual cultivate with someone to fully return to strength, but it's not like Wei Wuxian has a shortage of potential partners. He's probably better off without Jiang Cheng anyway, since Jiang Cheng has taken so much from him.

No, letting Wei Wuxian go free is something his father would have done, which means that it's probably what Jiang Cheng should do, right? Jiang Fengmian had cut Sect ties with Wei Changze when he'd eloped with Cangse-sanren, after all. It's only fair. Jiang Cheng doesn't want him to leave, but he'd rather chew off his left arm than force Wei Wuxian to stay, and have their relationship marred by resentment, just like Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan.

…not that they're a married couple or anything, or that their problems stem from any of the same sources that his parents' problems had come from. That's just ridiculous.

Jiang Cheng sighs. He's not going to get any work done tonight, is he?

He should just go to bed and sleep it all off. Everything will look better in the morning.

—

After about an hour of tossing and turning in his bed, Jiang Cheng finally gets up and goes for a walk.

His mind hasn't stopped racing since tea with Luo Qingyang earlier that afternoon — or maybe it was yesterday, now. He's not sure what time it is, or how long he's been awake. Really, normally he's better with sleep deprivation, not nearly as distracted as he has been all day. A walk will probably do him good — taking in the moon and the night air has always calmed him down, no matter how stressed he is.

He rises from his bed and, only putting on a single outer layer and not bothering with shoes, slips out of his room, glancing around to make sure he hasn't woken anyone else — but all the other doors remain closed. He can hear the night patrol making their rounds on the other side of the compound, and resolves to stay far away from there. He'll need to lecture them about actually being quiet soon, but that's a problem for the Jiang Cheng of tomorrow morning.

Instead, he turns and heads to the most secluded pavilion he can think of. It's one of the few they've fully rebuilt in the family wing, off in a corner where no one else really goes. The pavilion that had been there before Lotus Pier's fall had been his sanctuary as a child, and in order to maintain any semblance of sanity after they'd reclaimed Lotus Pier, he'd needed to rebuild it as fast as possible. He always came here when he needed to calm down; everyone else knew better than to bother Jiang Cheng when he was here, staring out at the water.

The pavilion itself is enclosed, nothing but a short railing and a small bench, so there's a good view of the lake. It's a clear night, the moon shining brightly, and Jiang Cheng is immediately soothed by its reflection in the water, marred only by the movement of fish in the depths.

This is exactly what he needed, he thinks as he leans on the railing — just the pleasantly warm night air, and the peace and quiet of night in Lotus Pier to refresh his mind. Here, in his solitude, all of his problems seem so very far away.

…until he hears footsteps behind him, and Wei Wuxian says, "Huh? Jiang Cheng? What are you doing here?"

Jiang Cheng sighs, running a hand down his face before looking over his shoulder. "Couldn't sleep," he says. "You?"

"Same," Wei Wuxian says. He hesitates in the entrance for a moment, before walking forward and leaning on the railing next to Jiang Cheng. The two of them stare out towards the water for a few moments before Wei Wuxian speaks again. "So. Are you… alright, now?"

Jiang Cheng is beginning to wish he'd just stayed in bed and tried to sleep. "Yeah." The other word, the sorry that's never left his mouth before, rests on the tip of his tongue. Still, no matter what he does, he can't force it out, not when he can't even explain what he's apologizing for. In the end, all he manages to say is, "I didn't mean to snap at you earlier."

"Huh, that?" Wei Wuxian says, startled. "It's fine. That doesn't even make the list of top 100 harshest things you've ever said to me."

"I was going easy on you, wasn't I? I can change that, if you'd like," Jiang Cheng says.

"No thanks," Wei Wuxian says. "I like this much better."

Jiang Cheng huffs out the ghost of a laugh, a faint smile on his lips. Wei Wuxian shakes with a suppressed laugh beside him, eyes closing for a moment. When they open again, they catch Jiang Cheng's, and the two of them share a glance that's laden with some meaning that Jiang Cheng is unable to parse.

He's never seen Wei Wuxian look like that before, eyes shining in the moonlight. Not at him, not at anyone else, not even A-jie.

They stare at each other for a moment longer before Jiang Cheng realizes that Wei Wuxian is waiting for him to speak. Jiang Cheng breaks their eye contact, turning to look at the reflection of the moon again. Ugh, he's going to have to spill his guts to Wei Wuxian, isn't he? Wei Wuxian isn't exactly going anywhere, and Jiang Cheng doesn't want to keep fighting with him. Not right now, when he's both physically and mentally exhausted, and he doesn't even know if causing Wei Wuxian so much stress will cause any backslides in his cultivation.

It's not that he thinks that Wei Wuxian will mock him or anything over having these feelings — it's the fact that he has them in the first place that's the problem. He should be calmer, more aloof, not about to spiral out of his body over the thought of Wei Wuxian leaving him and the sect behind, whether that's with a bride or just on his own. He shouldn't be so emotional over this when he should have learned to expect it long ago.

For a moment, he wonders if this is how Jiang Fengmian had felt when Wei Changze eloped with Cangse-sanren.

…maybe he shouldn't dwell on that.

Jiang Cheng looks back at Wei Wuxian, opening his mouth to speak and then closing it again. Now that the moment is here, he's not sure what to say, or how to even begin expressing what he's been feeling. Wei Wuxian waits, patient for once in his life, before finally breaking the silence and saying, "What?"

"I don't… I don't know," Jiang Cheng says, haltingly. His thoughts are jumbled, looping on themselves nonsensically. He tries to pull them apart, untangle them so that he can find something to say, but fails. "Wei Wuxian, would you be happier if you left Lotus Pier?"

Well, that wasn't what he'd meant to say.

"Huh? Like on a trip, or a night hunt or something?" Wei Wuxian says.

"No, I mean… as in leaving m- leaving the sect," Jiang Cheng says.

Wei Wuxian pauses, the silence between them growing incredulous. After a moment, he speaks, laughing all the while. "That's ridiculous, Jiang Cheng, you say that like you're holding me hostage or something."

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. "Be serious," he says. "Would you be happier if you were elsewhere?"

Wei Wuxian stops laughing and looks Jiang Cheng in the eyes, practically staring into his soul. "I mean, it's not like you're forcing me to be here," he says. "If anything, I'm the one sticking around when I shouldn't. I've heard the rumors, I know the Yin Tiger Tally is a draw for the other sects. That's what you've been stressed about, right?"

"…right," Jiang Cheng says. "That's totally it."

Wei Wuxian frowns, but doesn't question it. "Anyway, it might be for the best if you just kicked me out. It might not be what your father would have wanted, but if he was here, he'd understand. The sect comes first, after all."

Jiang Cheng blinks at him for a moment, uncomprehending. Kick Wei Wuxian out? What the hell is he even talking about?

Once it clicks, though, anger rises up in him, more swift than the waters of a flooded river. Does Wei Wuxian want Jiang Cheng to kick him out or something? Is this all just an excuse to get Jiang Cheng to force him to leave?

Without thinking, Jiang Cheng blurts out, "Are you dumb? Do you honestly think my parents' legacy is the only reason I keep you here?"

"Wh- no, but-"

"Shut up," Jiang Cheng says, cutting him off. "I've never considered your presence here to be obligatory. You can ignore what my mother said and what my father wanted, I'm telling you right now. You aren't my servant, and you aren't required to give your life for me. If anything, I'm the one who owes you. I'll owe you for the rest of my life, I know that. But if you're just staying out of some fucked-up sense of guilt and responsibility, you can go ahead and leave right now. I don't need, or want, you to sacrifice yourself for me any more than you already have."

Wei Wuxian is silent for another moment, absorbing his words. Jiang Cheng squeezes his eyes shut — this is the end, isn't it? He's finally pissed Wei Wuxian off for good, driven him away so thoroughly that Wei Wuxian will just take the out that Jiang Cheng has given him.

"You know, you can be really fucking stupid sometimes," Wei Wuxian says after another moment.

"Excuse me?" Jiang Cheng demands, taken aback. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Wei Wuxian continues as if he hasn't heard him. "Guilt this, obligation that… I'm not here because of any of that. Sure, your parents may have said some things, but none of that matters in the long run. I'm here because it's you, and Shijie, and everyone else who's become part of the clan. I- well, you know."

Jiang Cheng doesn't know, but still, the anger drains out of him. "Oh. That's… that's good."

Wei Wuxian laughs. "Ah, what am I going to do with you?" He draws closer to Jiang Cheng, laying one hand on the railing and reaching the other out, as if to lay it on his shoulder. When Jiang Cheng doesn't show any sign of drawing away, Wei Wuxian changes course, resting his hand on Jiang Cheng's cheek instead. "Will you let me show you how much I… value you?"

"Huh?" Jiang Cheng says, confusion and alarm coloring his voice. "What are you talking about now?"

Instead of saying anything, Wei Wuxian cups his face in both hands, drawing Jiang Cheng close and looking deep into his eyes. Whatever he sees must satisfy him, because he nods before pressing his lips to Jiang Cheng's, smiling into the closed-mouth kiss.

Something about it — the way Wei Wuxian's hands gently control where his head goes, the way Wei Wuxian's lips are just slightly chapped, the sheer tenderness of it all — staggers Jiang Cheng in his tracks, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. What could have prompted this? What about this had anything to do with Wei Wuxian valuing Jiang Cheng?

Jiang Cheng's mind goes blank when Wei Wuxian licks at the seam of his lips, mouth opening as he gasps. It probably should be frightening, how weak and pliant he becomes whenever Wei Wuxian kisses him, but instead, it's almost comforting. Wei Wuxian is warm and solid against him, and being wrapped up in him like this feels rather like being wrapped in a warm blanket in his room when there's a thunderstorm outside. He doesn't think he's ever been more comfortable.

When Wei Wuxian slips his tongue into Jiang Cheng's mouth, a hand pulling gently at his hair, loose around his shoulders, Jiang Cheng gasps, reaching up to pull Wei Wuxian even closer. The urge to crawl into Wei Wuxian's chest and make a home for himself just above where Wei Wuxian's golden core used to be almost knocks Jiang Cheng off his feet, and he staggers, but Wei Wuxian catches him with another arm around his waist. Jiang Cheng pulls back, breaking the kiss to take a breath — he'd forgotten that air is something he actually needs, especially with how fast his heart is pounding.

Eyes fixed on the floor, Jiang Cheng pants, trying to catch his breath after Wei Wuxian so successfully stole it. He can't make eye contact right now, not after Wei Wuxian came up and kissed him out of nowhere. Seriously, before he'd found Jiang Cheng sitting here, he'd thought Wei Wuxian was totally furious with him! Where did all of this even come from?

Wei Wuxian, as usual, doesn't wait for him to gather up his scattered thoughts. Pulling Jiang Cheng closer to him again, Wei Wuxian gives him a kiss on the corner of his mouth, then mouths along his jawline, sucking a mark just below his ear. His hands roam up and down Jiang Cheng's back, their heat searing his skin through the thin inner robes that Jiang Cheng had been wearing. Jiang Cheng moans, loudly and abruptly, though he tries to muffle it in fear of one of the patrols hearing him.

…though, with how loud they'd been earlier, it was more likely that Jiang Cheng would hear them first.

Wei Wuxian stifles a groan of his own into Jiang Cheng's skin, licking absently at the shell of Jiang Cheng's ear. Jiang Cheng shudders, a jolt passing through his whole body at the sensation of Wei Wuxian's mouth on his ear — that was a new one. Where had he even learned about that? And why didn't Jiang Cheng know that his ear, of all places, was so sensitive?

He can feel the blood rushing through his body, so fast he's sure he's flushed all over. It's pooling down below, and Jiang Cheng fights to control himself. They're still in public, and if Jiang Cheng is seen like this, he'll actually have to jump into the lake and never come out.

Wei Wuxian clearly does not have the same compunctions, though, because when he shifts to suck a few marks into the side of Jiang Cheng's neck, Jiang Cheng can feel Wei Wuxian's erection pressing into his thigh. The heat of it sends another jolt through Jiang Cheng, and without thinking, he presses closer, grinding against it until he remembers where exactly he is and starts thinking things like No! Bad Jiang Cheng! Control yourself!

Still, he doesn't want to break away from Wei Wuxian again, not when he feels so good against him, so Jiang Cheng just stills the movement of his hips and returns to just… feeling Wei Wuxian up a little while Wei Wuxian covers him in marks. Surely he can get away with that, right? Wei Wuxian clearly doesn't have any complaints about it, judging by the way he moans when Jiang Cheng slides a hand down to grope his ass.

It almost makes him laugh. It wasn't as if there was anything particularly appealing about Wei Wuxian's ass before they started this whole arrangement — it was only after that first kiss that Jiang Cheng's mind shifted so drastically.

Wei Wuxian returns to his lips after that, kissing and biting and taking the bottom one between his own lips to suck on it lightly. His hand makes another pass to his jaw, thumb stroking lightly over it before Wei Wuxian pulls away, Jiang Cheng chasing him with a whine that he'll later deny ever happened.

For a long moment, they stare at each other. Jiang Cheng's mind is hazy, all words having left him long ago. Wei Wuxian's gaze is dark, his pupils blown wide. He looks at Jiang Cheng like a man starved, miraculously given access to all the food he could have ever wanted.

Wei Wuxian licks his lips. "Jiang Cheng, do you trust me?"

Jiang Cheng tilts his head to the side, Wei Wuxian's words taking a moment to register. It's an odd time for a question like that, and in truth, Jiang Cheng isn't quite sure how to answer. Before he found out the truth of his golden core, Jiang Cheng's answer would have been yes, absolutely. In the week after the revelation, his answer would have been a firm denial.

Now, though, his answer lies somewhere in between. He doesn't know if he can ever go back to the same sort of unconditional trust that he and Wei Wuxian had shared for so long. Seeing Wei Wuxian work so hard to rebuild his core, and be honest about what happened, has helped to rebuild some of that trust, but… if Jiang Cheng persistently fears Wei Wuxian leaving him over any slight, can that truly be called 'trust'?

And if it can't, then who is it that Jiang Cheng distrusts? Wei Wuxian, or himself?

He's not sure what the correct answer is. Still, in this moment, though it may be foolish, Jiang Cheng does trust Wei Wuxian not to harm him, so he gives the smallest of nods.

Wei Wuxian watches his face carefully, maybe looking for the slightest hint of doubt, but clearly doesn't see anything. His gaze softens, and he smiles at Jiang Cheng. "Good, that's good. Just do as I say, alright?"

Jiang Cheng frowns. "Just what are you trying to get me to do?"

"Don't worry about it," Wei Wuxian says, one hand sliding underneath his shirt.

"Wei Wuxian, you-!"

Jiang Cheng is cut off abruptly when Wei Wuxian presses another kiss to his lips. He makes a noise of protest before Wei Wuxian pulls back. "Seriously," Wei Wuxian says. "It's my turn to take care of you. Will you let me?"

Even more at a loss for words, Jiang Cheng nods again. He moves as Wei Wuxian directs him to, turning around and leaning just over the railing with his back to Wei Wuxian, and waiting for him to make a move. It doesn't take long, as Wei Wuxian hugs him from behind and presses a few kisses to the nape of Jiang Cheng's neck. His hands fumble around in front of Jiang Cheng; messing up his shirt so that it's slipping off his shoulders, pulling his pants down until Jiang Cheng reluctantly steps out of them entirely. His erection springs free, an angry shade of red and leaking from the tip. A cool breeze rushes past, and Jiang Cheng shivers.

He's going to die of embarrassment in the morning, that much is certain. One part of his brain, the part that's still functioning, is screaming at the other part that's been taken over by… something. Lust, maybe? Insanity?

Still, he stands there, half-naked and pliant, just letting Wei Wuxian move him around however he sees fit. Wei Wuxian hitches one of Jiang Cheng's legs up to rest on the railing, leaving him spread and feeling rather vulnerable — yet still somehow hard as a rock, dripping onto the planks below. Jiang Cheng gulps, mind warring between uncertainty and horniness that's so strong it threatens to wipe all his good sense away.

Behind him, Wei Wuxian is unusually quiet as he moves Jiang Cheng around, running his hands all over Jiang Cheng's body. Normally, he'd be yapping about something that Jiang Cheng would write off as background noise, but in this moment, he's silent. Maybe he's nervous about this too. Or maybe Jiang Cheng is just projecting.

Finally, Wei Wuxian finishes whatever he'd been doing back there, positioning Jiang Cheng just slightly differently, and presses another kiss to the nape of his neck. "Ready?"

"Just get on with it already," Jiang Cheng says. If Wei Wuxian doesn't hurry up, and Jiang Cheng has to keep standing here with his dick out, he's going to pitch forward into the lake and swim far away, never to be seen again.

Wei Wuxian lets out a low laugh. "Alright, alright. If you're sure."

Jiang Cheng absolutely is not sure, but he doesn't protest, waiting for whatever it is that Wei Wuxian is about to do. He's tense, muscles stiff with anticipation, and he almost jumps out of his skin when Wei Wuxian's hand, which had been on his low back, makes its way downward, his fingers, now moist with some kind of oil, circling around Jiang Cheng's hole. Jiang Cheng shudders; no one has ever touched him there before, himself included. It feels… dirty, what Wei Wuxian is doing. What could possibly be appealing about that place?

Wei Wuxian can clearly tell how tense he is, because he leans forward and licks the shell of Jiang Cheng's ear. "Relax," he says. "Let me take care of you."

"I am relaxed!" Jiang Cheng bites out.

Wei Wuxian snorts into the side of Jiang Cheng's neck. "Sure you are. So you're completely fine when I do this?"

As he says that, one of the fingers that had been lightly stroking over Jiang Cheng's hole gently breaches the entrance, pushing inside to the first knuckle. Jiang Cheng gasps at the intrusion, caught off guard. It's not painful, exactly, just an entirely foreign sensation. Not exactly a pleasant one, either. "What the fuck are you-"

"Shhh," Wei Wuxian says. "Don't want anyone to hear you, do you?"

Jiang Cheng's mouth snaps shut, and he strains his hearing for any sign of one of the patrols coming close — but there's nothing, just the breeze rustling the leaves in the distance. Slowly, the panic that had flooded his body just a moment ago drains away, and he slumps against the railing in front of him. "Don't scare me like that."

"Ah, I was just messing with you," Wei Wuxian says, now moving his finger around inside of Jiang Cheng. His other hand slips up Jiang Cheng's chest, rolling one of Jiang Cheng's nipples between his index finger and his thumb.

The sudden tug is almost too much for Jiang Cheng to bear, and he arches his back, the stimulation from both sides almost sending him over the edge. His cock twitches, leaking even more, a pressure beginning to build up. He would take hold of it, but if he lets go of the railing, he may just fall over with how weak his legs have gone. Wei Wuxian thrusts his finger in and out of Jiang Cheng a few more times, then adds another, twisting them and scissoring them every which way, stretching Jiang Cheng's hole open. The addition of a second finger burns, but in a way that's almost satisfying. Jiang Cheng breathes heavily, trying not to lose himself to the sensation.

His resolve promptly fails, though, when Wei Wuxian crooks his fingers a certain way and brushes over something that sends a shockwave of pleasure through Jiang Cheng's whole body. His cock jumps, more precum leaking out. He arches his back, stretching to try and get Wei Wuxian to do that again and don't stop, this time.

Jiang Cheng doesn't realize that he's spoken aloud until he hears Wei Wuxian laugh. "Oh? You liked it that much?"

"Yes!" Jiang Cheng says, nodding frantically. He might sound a bit like a needy maiden right now, but that doesn't matter. All he needs is that feeling again.

"Good," Wei Wuxian says, and he obliges, rubbing over that spot again and again. His other hand travels down from where it's been playing with Jiang Cheng's chest to stroke his cock once, twice, before gripping it firmly at the base. Jiang Cheng stifles another moan, lost in the feeling, his whole body shaking. Just a little more, that's all he needs and he'll be satisfied.

At some point, Wei Wuxian had added a third finger — Jiang Cheng only notices when he pulls all of them out. He inhales sharply at the loss, suddenly empty. Desire pumps through Jiang Cheng; he wants Wei Wuxian to fill him up again, just like before. He pushes his hips back into Wei Wuxian, prompting him to put his fingers back in — but Wei Wuxian stops him with a hand on his low back, the other still gripping his cock.

Jiang Cheng turns as far as he can to see Wei Wuxian, to ask him what the holdup is. He's met with the sight of Wei Wuxian looking downwards, a frown on his face as he concentrates on something, but Jiang Cheng can't quite see what, from this angle. Maybe he should say something, but it feels like his words began leaking out of his brain the moment Wei Wuxian first touched him.

Wei Wuxian looks up, sensing Jiang Cheng's gaze on him, and sees the expression on his face, sees the frustration seeping through Jiang Cheng's every pore, the need that he wishes he could deny. Something about it makes him smile, and he drops whatever he was concentrating on — Jiang Cheng hears a quiet clang as something falls on the floor — to press forward and kiss Jiang Cheng. The angle is a little off, the kiss messy, but Jiang Cheng sinks into it like a warm bath after a long day of training.

The kiss must return his brain function to him, too, because his thoughts start flowing again after Wei Wuxian pulls away. "Are you trying to torture me or something? Get on with whatever you've got planned already, or I'm going back to bed."

Wei Wuxian stops mouthing at his neck. "Huh? You'd go back to bed just like this?" He punctuates his question with a squeeze to Jiang Cheng's cock.

Jiang Cheng flushes an even deeper shade of red. "If you don't hurry the fuck up, then yes," he says. He's not exactly eager to blue ball himself, but he means it — this has gone on long enough. If Jiang Cheng doesn't come soon, he may actually cry, and he'd rather die than give Wei Wuxian that level of satisfaction.

Also, the longer they're out here, the more likely it is that they'll be caught, and Jiang Cheng isn't exactly eager for that to happen either.

"Alright, I'll hurry up," Wei Wuxian says, rolling his eyes. "You're so impatient, Jiang Cheng! You know, all the girls would like you better if you weren't in such a hurry all the time."

Jiang Cheng looks at him incredulously. "What girls? Have you lost it again?"

Wei Wuxian laughs, but doesn't reply, only returning to his task. He looks down again, and after another moment, Jiang Cheng feels something pressing at his hole, something larger than Wei Wuxian's fingers had been.

Is that…?

Every thought flies out of Jiang Cheng's mind when the head of Wei Wuxian's cock fully breaches his hole, and Wei Wuxian inches closer until he's fully seated inside. Jiang Cheng's mouth drops open, and he fights for air even as Wei Wuxian holds still behind him. A few tears come to his eyes, but he refuses to let them fall.

The stretch is almost overwhelming, burning him with pain and pleasure all at once. Jiang Cheng's never felt this way before, never felt so breathtakingly full and satisfied. Behind him, Wei Wuxian moans as they both adjust to their new position, stroking a finger around where they're joined while the other hand keeps a tight hold on Jiang Cheng's cock. The color of it has gone so dark it's almost purple, and it's still weeping from the tip.

Wei Wuxian pants into Jiang Cheng's neck. "Ah, Jiang Cheng, you're so tight… feels so good, squeezing me like that…"

Jiang Cheng, still fighting to catch his own breath, says, "Shut up! Just… move, already, I can handle it."

"Are you sure?" Wei Wuxian asks, stroking his cock a few times and running his finger along the slit, spreading the precum before he returns to gripping Jiang Cheng tightly at the base. If that was meant to help Jiang Cheng relax, it did the exact opposite — he's more tense than ever with how badly he needs to come.

"Of course I mean it!"

"Well, you asked for it, I guess," Wei Wuxian says. Before Jiang Cheng can parse that ominous statement, Wei Wuxian pulls out halfway, then slams forward again, brushing against the spot he'd been stroking earlier and sending a shock of pleasure through Jiang Cheng's body. Wei Wuxian continues thrusting, and Jiang Cheng cries out, overwhelmed with the feeling. Unbidden, one of his hands comes to his chest, tugging at his pebbled nipples, the other hand still holding on to the railing. Wei Wuxian bites down on his shoulder, and the pain of it mixes with the waves of bliss washing over him.

Wei Wuxian has definitely bit him before — mostly when they were learning how to fight. Something about this is different, though, and Jiang Cheng lets out a wordless cry. The mark won't be permanent, but it won't heal immediately either, and Jiang Cheng will have to walk around, knowing that the mark of Wei Wuxian's possession is right there, just underneath his clothes. He'll have to walk around knowing that Wei Wuxian is the one who marked him like this, and Jiang Cheng just let it happen, because…

Because…

Wei Wuxian pulls away from his shoulder and leans in close, kissing Jiang Cheng sloppily even as he continues fucking into him. He licks at Jiang Cheng's lips, sucks on his tongue, and moans into his mouth as he finally comes inside of Jiang Cheng, slumping over his back. Wei Wuxian bites his bottom lip softly for a moment as he separates from Jiang Cheng's mouth, but stays close enough that they're still sharing the same air. Jiang Cheng can feel Wei Wuxian softening inside of him, and a few moments later, when Wei Wuxian pulls out, he can feel cum dripping from his hole, down his thighs and onto the floor of the pavilion.

Wei Wuxian still has a grip on Jiang Cheng's cock, and he's still hard as a rock. Jiang Cheng can't bring himself to care about that right now, though, when his heart's hammering in his chest and every inch of his skin feels a bit like Zidian, ready to spark with electricity if touched any more.

Letting go of his cock, Wei Wuxian spins Jiang Cheng around and pulls him close, pressing kisses to every inch of his face. Jiang Cheng thinks about protesting, but being here, wrapped up in Wei Wuxian like this, is so comfortable that any protest will have to be dragged out of him. Half of him has never known peace like this, while the other half is ready to jump out of his skin, still on the edge of coming.

Wei Wuxian kisses him deep then, wiping all thoughts from his mind, and Jiang Cheng responds in kind. Their lips move against each other, tongues tangling lazily, and for a moment, Jiang Cheng thinks he could just stay here like this, kissing Wei Wuxian all night long.

Until he remembers that neither of them had shared any spiritual energy during any of what they'd just done.

Abruptly, he pulls away from Wei Wuxian, smacking him on the chest. "You absolute idiot! Did you forget? We're supposed to be dual cultivating! For your sake!"

He slumps, resting his head in his hands, and mutters, "Damn, I forgot too…"

Face in his hands as it is, he misses the way that Wei Wuxian's expression falls, the soft gleam in his eye dulling and fading away. He heaves an imperceptible sigh, before pasting a smile back on his face and falling to his knees. When he hears the thump, Jiang Cheng looks up, then down at Wei Wuxian in front of him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he hisses.

"Don't tell me you forgot about this," Wei Wuxian says, smirking. He taps Jiang Cheng's erection, which had been flagging, but is now coming back to life.

Jiang Cheng swallows, his hands coming to tangle in Wei Wuxian's hair. Truthfully, he had forgotten, just for a moment, but now that his attention's back to it, he does feel a bit like he's about to explode. "You were planning this, weren't you?"

"Of course!" Wei Wuxian chirps. He grins up at Jiang Cheng, then takes the head of Jiang Cheng's cock into his mouth.

And as he begins to suck, eager to receive all of Jiang Cheng's pent up jing, Jiang Cheng leans his head back, staring up at where the moonlight shines just beyond the edge of the pavilion's roof, something settling in his heart.

He's ruined me, Jiang Cheng thinks. He's ruined me for everyone else, and I can never let him go.