Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buck stands there, frozen, with ringing in his ears. The conversation echoing non-stop in the small space of that fucking kitchen. Always that kitchen.

The competition. Don’t make me say it. Eddie.

All in all, Buck is impulsive and stupid and so fucking done.

I don’t have to want to sleep with everyone I have feelings for.

With those words harshly out of his mouth, there’s no denying. There’s no other way to spin it or excuses to make. He always had feelings for Eddie, but those were supposed to be buried underneath a pile of mud somewhere stormy. They had been dormant, away and distant, until Tommy made him bring them out himself.

Buck doesn’t notice when Tommy leaves. He could be two feet from him for all he knows. All he can focus on is how easily Tommy read him like an open book, the one thing he never shared with anyone. The one thing he had to himself – something that he briefly acknowledged when he figured out he was bisexual, and then made sure to try and forget it. And if Tommy, who has known him for less than a year, can tell so fucking easily---

Does everybody else know?

Does Eddie fucking know?

For the lack of anything better to do, Buck grabs a bottle of tequila and heads to Hen’s house.

-

“I’m not against day drinking, but I need to know: are these happy shots or are we drinking to forget?”

Buck can tell his friend is trying to be delicate – she knows this is a code red emergency. He didn’t make the best impression showing up 10am with booze, a clear hungover face, in sweats and a lack of explanation that she’s been handling with grace.

“I slept with Tommy.”

It’s part of it and it’s true. It’s not the whole truth, but it’s all he can master at the moment.

Hen grimaces, “oh, the falling back in bed with an ex. Drinking to forget the shame it is. Cheers to that.”

She raises the small glass and he knocks it against hers, throwing it back with gusto. He needs a gallon of alcohol to be alive right now.

-

Four shots later and his tongue is looser.

“It is not how things are supposed to be!,” Buck points around at everything. He knows he is making some sense, because Hen is nodding along, whispering amen. “Eddie was supposed to be here with Chris. And we---we were supposed to be together and never broken up!”

Hen stops nodding along and frowns at that, “you and---”

“Me and---,” Buck realizes how that sounded. What’s his face? Oh. Uh. “Tommy, of course! Hen! Keep up!”

“Sorry, sorry,” she mumbles in a tone that makes Buck believe she knows too. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. “You are going through a lot. A breakup. And your best friend leaving. And work is---well, our work is never easy.”

“Yes! That! And shit! I was supposed to be over everything. Over Eddie. And over the… the other one too!”

“Tommy?” Why is Hen laughing? She looks like she’s laughing. But Buck is so serious about this.

“Yes! Him. He and Eddie. They suck. Both of them can fuck all the way off.”

God, he hates the men of his life so much.

“Eddie is trying his best to be a good dad,” she says softly.

And for the first time, Buck cries over it. Drunk on tequila, in the grown-up place his friend has, tears start spilling from his eyes. “I know, ok? I know! And that’s why I can’t make myself hate him. But I wish I did. I wish I hated him, Hen. I want to hate him so much, but it hurts that I don’t.”

Her face softens, and she grabs his arm. He leans his head into her hands. She is a healer, maybe she can heal this pain too.

“Why?”

“Because knowing he does everything for Christopher just makes me love Eddie more. And I’m so tired of loving him, Hen.” Buck sobs. He still hides his face into her hand. “I---I tried. And jerk-face--Tommy apparently knew. And there’s nothing more pathetic than---this.”

“Oh, honey, it’s not how that works,” she says pulling him into her arms, like a mom with a small child. He lets himself be held by his friend, and he cries. He hopes that the tears wash away the pain.

-

Danny shows up at one point, with a bar of chocolate and he taps Buck on the shoulder and gives him the bar with a small smile.

“Chocolate always helps.”

Buck nods and thanks him, because that’s so wise.

-

“Everyone discovering their sexuality falls in love with someone straight on the beginning of their journey,” Hen tells him, but she’s slurring her words slightly. He nods. He is pretty sure this is gay gospel and he needs to remember. “It is a rite of passage. You have passed the trial by fire, Buckley. Welcome.”

Buck laughs so hard, he falls off the table.

-

For better or for worse, once he knows something, Buck cannot let things go. He can’t go back to willfully ignoring everything – he processed it slightly and he knows the only way is through.

Getting over Eddie is a necessity. His best friend is straight, emotionally unavailable and living a few states away. It should be enough for him to know when a door is closed, no matter how dumb Buck can be sometimes. The thing is how he can move on from that. That he needs put in some work.

Still drunk, he grabs a pen and a piece of paper.

• 1. No more treating Eddie differently than the way I treat my other friends.
• 2. No more mentioning Eddie every time he pops in my head.
• 3. Best way to get over someone is being under someone new.
• 4. Remember all the ways you can’t have him.
• 5. Remove all the reminders.

It’s a game plan. Foolproof.

He passes out on the couch hugging the paper.

-

Like most things, it is easier said than done.

He wakes up to his phone ringing and – because his life sucks – it’s Eddie. Normally, he would pick up first thing, no thoughts whatsoever, but this time his thumb hoovers over the answer icon. Would he pick up so fast if it was any other one of his friends?

Well, yeah, probably.

But an annoyingly similar voice to Tommy whispers he probably knows you’ll answer, because you're in love with him. And so Buck drops his phone back on the couch and goes for a shower instead. He needs to stall a little bit. He’s rattled and annoyed that Tommy is now one of his inner voices.

Ten minutes later, after the least relaxing shower of his life, he picks the phone back up and texts Eddie.

Buck: sorry. i was in the shower. whats up?

He hopes Eddie will text back, but he instantly gets a FaceTime ringing instead. Now that Eddie knows he isn’t busy, he can’t really ignore the call – not without arising suspicion, so he picks up with after a sigh.

“You won’t believe the day I’m having,” Eddie mumbles.

That makes two of us, buddy. “Eddie, I’ll believe anything these days.”

Eddie launches onto a very detailed explanation of why his parents suck – no news, then – and Buck has to refrain from wanting to take the first flight to Texas to yell at his friend’s family. He knows it’s the love talking; Chimney's dad sucks, but Buck never wanted to punch the guy in the face the same way he wishes to repeatedly hit Ramon Diaz every time he is a dick to Eddie.

That should be a gigantic sign to everyone around.

His brain is stuck trying to figure out how to be normal about Eddie. What could he say that doesn’t scream love?

“Sounds rough,” Buck is all he can come up with. He knows Eddie doesn’t like when he points out how shitty his parents can be. “How is Chris?”

Because this is easier too – Chris is the one thing the two of them can talk about easily. Chris is something else apart from their thing, always has been; whether or not they are in good terms, Chris comes first.

God, you act like a divorced couple, Tommy’s voice supplies in his head and Buck suddenly stops. Does getting over Eddie means he has to step away from Chris too?

He feels sick with the idea of losing Chris too. That he can’t deal. At all.

“…better I guess,” Eddie is finishing. “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a little bit.”

“Hungover.”

Buck tries so hard not to lie. Only conceal. He watched Frozen ten times with Jeen-Yuh, he could probably sing: conceal, don’t feel, don’t let Eddie know almost in tune.

“Fun night?”

“Bad decisions night,” he corrects. He can’t say he didn’t have a little bit of fun, but it was ruined so quickly that it doesn’t really count.

Eddie pauses and surely makes a face at that, Buck can tell even over the phone – Buck has an awful track record of bad decisions after all. “Wanna tell me about it?”

He shakes his head. He doesn’t want to tell Eddie anything. In fact, he wants to seal his mouth shut and never speak again.

“Nah. I gotta go, though. Raincheck?”

And he races to change the sheets on his bed so they don’t smell like Tommy. He wants his life clear of everyone.

-

He puts all the photos of Eddie in a drawer. He and Eddie? Drawer. He, Eddie and Chris? Drawer. Eddie and Chris on the Christmas day he organized? Back of the drawer. He kind of wants to put a mustache over Eddie’s photos so they are ruined, but now he knows Eddie looks sexy with a mustache.

How. How can someone look good with that thing on his face?

Buck despises him.

Point is: Eddie can only be in group photos. The ones where all the friends he loves the exact same amount are visible.

Then, he stands there staring at one photo of him and Chris. He doesn’t have a photo with just Danny. Or May. Or any of the other kids from the team. Hell, there’s only one solo photo up of him and Jee-Yun, and that’s his actual niece. Buck is pretty sure he regularly spends more time with Chris, but it’s also different. People have mentioned how weird it is.

And yet, he can’t put Chris in the drawer.

Shamefully, he puts the photograph further back, but still visible, drowning in guilt for trying to erase Chris too.

He can move on slowly. But there’s some things he just can’t do. He would break, he thinks, if he tried to erase Chris and Eddie from his life completely. They held him up through the worst of his life, and cutting the strings away, Buck is sure he wouldn’t be able to stand anymore.

-

He forgets to tell Ravi to not mention the whole thing.

“Did you and Tommy make up?,” Ravi asks in the middle of lunch. Bobby stops with his fork halfway to his mouth. Hen tries to eat faster.

Chimney is like a shark with blood in the water.

“You saw Tommy again?”

Buck makes the most nonchalant sound he can master, stuffing his mouth with lettuce. Maybe they can move on. (Of course they won’t, but a guy can dream. And Buck lives way happier in denial.)

“Rav?,” Chimney asks when Buck fails to communicate.

Ravi, probably sensing he fucked up, looks from Buck to Chimney fast, trying to gauze the best course of action. It’s impressive he doesn’t get dizzy. Of course, since he doesn’t have a time machine, the guy can’t really scape the tragedy he created. “Uh. Buck and I went drinking after the last shift. We saw Tommy while we… Uh. Yeah. We saw Tommy.”

“And did Tommy see you back?”

Buck frowns at Bobby for the sass. He should move from this firehouse, to one where people respect his personal life. Maybe he can start over and be a priest – sex clearly is screwing up his life.

He would help people and not sleep around. It would be good.

“…yes? I. I may have brought him over to talk to Buck,” Ravi admits.

The table groans.

“Probie!?”

“Oh, so it’s your fault!”

“Ravi.”

Buck just keeps eating his salad.

They all start arguing with Ravi how Buck should be kept far, far away from Tommy after the break up and how he’s fragile and cannot make good decisions. They get so focused on the lecture that Buck slips away to the bunk room – which…

He'll take this as a win.

No one has to know he googles can you become a priest if you’re bisexual and over 30?

It takes him a while to remember priests have to be catholic and honestly? Buck can't deal with more guilt.

-

Buck half expects Eddie to text him about Tommy. He’s sure someone would have gossiped to him in .5 seconds, going for the record of transmitting information to Texas, but all Eddie sends him is normal stuff.

Jokes. Funny anecdotes from passengers. Complaints about the price of gas. Then, when Buck is just sending back lols and adding nothing else, a clearly worried hey, are you okay?

Because Buck usually texts a lot back. From what he ate, to his gym session, to a random thing he learned. He shares everything with Eddie, because… because it’s Eddie, and Buck can’t imagine him not being a vital part of his life. But now Buck’s trying to move on and act like Eddie is just like any other friend; and Buck doesn’t text anyone else much.

Buck: fine. Just busy.

Eddie: too busy for me?

Buck: never.

And he hates it. For Eddie, is a joke. To Buck, it’s his whole heart in a single word.

-

He goes out with the tightest shirt he owns. Buck looks good, he thinks. He would sleep with himself - if he was someone else into dudes, that is. He goes to a bar that’s not gay, but gay-friendly. There’s straight women and gay men, a place where Buck can look and get lost in someone else.

The music is loud, something pop and new he doesn’t know the lyrics to, and he dances alone until a body starts grinding into him. It’s a blonde woman, tall, lean, with sharp green eyes. He feels slightly like prey, and it feels good – to be so clearly wanted. She’s hot and brave, and they dance together without talking for a little while.

“What's your name?,” Buck asks lowly, trying to be seductive.

“I’m Edna,” she smiles, “but everyone calls me Eddie.”

Buck stares at her for two seconds before just shaking his head. He laughs, even, because this is the type of shit that happens to him. Tommy dated Abby. The first girl he wants to fuck trying to get over Eddie is named Eddie. God for sure exists and He made Buck’s life a joke.

“Jesus, I’m going home.”

She frowns, “What’s so offensive about my name?”

“Nothing. I love your name. But it makes me think about someone else.”

She looks like she’s about to say something stupid like I don’t care, but Buck is done with stupid for now. He can sense a universe warning when he sees one. He goes home alone.

-

Buck picks up the phone, still sleepy.

“Is someone dying?,” he groans into the receiver. He’s hangover again. He wonders how can he know for sure if he’s becoming an alcoholic… and how can he keep drink without becoming one.

“Another dumb decision night, huh?”

It’s Eddie, because of course it is.

Buck’s been evasive in his messages, and distant. Buck can tell Eddie is feeling his change, but his friend has been giving him space to deal. The two of them try not to press the other, it’s like it’s always been; for Buck, it always was a sign of a strong friendship. Now, part of him wishes Eddie would give up on him.

Buck groans, rubbing his face. “Awful night, even worse hungover.”

“Ah.” And he can tell Eddie is frowning in sympathy. He knows the tone that comes with the face. The I’m worried about you, man that normally comes with one heart to heart. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I thought sleeping around would help right now, but they reminded me too much of---” and he stops himself.

“Tommy, right,” Eddie guesses, wrongly, and Buck is relieved. He doesn’t say anything incriminating. “And it was bad?”

“No, I gave up. I came home and got drunk alone like the loser I am.”

“Hey, none of that,” Eddie sounds offended. “You are amazing, Buck. Tommy is an idiot for missing out on you, okay? You were an amazing boyfriend, you always are. You just haven’t met the one.”

Buck wants to kill himself with his pillow. Listening to Eddie talking him up is like a fantasy come true, but it’s lacking the part he wants the most, the I want to be the one for you, Buck, marry me. Or something like that.

“And what if I met them already but fucked it up?”

“Buck. You haven’t. They weren’t the one. Listen to me: the day you find someone who loves you like you deserve, you’ll… God. You will make them so happy. You make everyone around you happier, by just being you. You made Cap happier, you’re like a son to him. You introduced Chim to the love of his life. You’ve been by Hen’s side through so much. You made me and Chris happier in so many ways. Come one, man.”

Buck sniffs, suddenly staring at the ceiling. “Please, don’t----”

“What is it, Buck?”

It’s so soft. The way Eddie speaks to him right then. Like he wants to take care of Buck and protect him from any harm. Like his words are meant to built him up – and they would, if they didn’t pierce through Buck’s skin and sink into this fragile hope he keeps stashed. Eddie speaks and Buck absorbs every word like a prayer; he keeps them in a sanctuary, in a mural dedicated to all things Eddie. He thinks that’s how religious people must feel listening to a church choir, or how much they crave to be closer to their God.

And it makes sense. If God is love, Eddie is his God.

It's hard to not see Eddie as the love of his life, specially when Buck is one of the few people that can see how soft Eddie actually is.

Buck knows – he knows Eddie loves him. Eddie trusts him with Chris, which is more than anyone can say. It just hurts there's this one thing out of his reach. Eddie could give him all a best friend could ask for, but Buck is selfish and he wants romantic love too. He wants to be the one Eddie marries, the one he has sex with, the one that makes him he blush and look dreamy when people ask about.

He wants Eddie all to himself, in every way. If he was religious, Buck would fall from grace, angry that his God loves him the same amount as everyone else, when he wants to be the favorite. Buck is the devil and he has created hell to himself.

“Please talk about you. I can’t really talk about me right now.”

It’s ridiculous, but he tucks himself like a ball in his sheets and listens to Eddie speak. It’s calming. Some people put on ocean noises or music to be comforted, but Buck is sure nothing else can calm him quite like Eddie’s voice.

It’s peaceful.

“…I’ll be there next week for Abuela’s birthday. Is it okay if I crash your couch?”

“Eddie,” Buck forgets everything else, because Eddie is coming home. For a little while, but still. “You never have to ask. The couch is yours.”

-

He's pretty sure Hen could start charging him for their outings, the way she keeps trying to act like a therapist.

“Are you in a good state of mind to have him in your house?,” Hen asks eyeing him with suspicion.

Buck huffs, “please. I’m leagues better. I have a daily mantra – Eddie is straight, not gay. Eddie is friend, not ice cream.”

“Not ice cream?”

“Well, I can’t lick him up, can I?,” Buck ignores the disgusted face Hen makes at that. Whatever. “I put away all his photos, I’m working on treating him like I treat every one. I even started looking out for dates again, so I can move on.”

She doesn’t look too impressed. In fact, her face screams you’re an idiot. Buck has been called worse, so it doesn’t particularly register.

“And you don’t think having him around will hurt?”

“Nah. I ignored all of this before, I can do it again.”

“But before you were denying it. Now it’s in the open – not to him, but to yourself. It may resurface.”

Buck shakes his head. “I’m excellent at burying my feelings.”

“Honey, that’s worse.” Buck scoffs. “You know that’s worse, right? It’s important to me that you do.”

He ignores her and asks for French fries. He’s pretty sure Hen starts praying for sanity.

-

Buck starts to count how many times he mentions Eddie on his notes app. Then, he goes to the gym and he does an extra set of a random exercise for each of those mentions. He can’t think about Eddie if he is too exhausted to exist. He’s sure he is going to get ripped or get rhabdomyolysis, whichever comes first.

Buck: did you know that too much exercise can cause muscle damage and that it releases a protein that can lead to renal failure? It’s called rhabdomyolysis.

Hen: yes? I went to med school? Also please tell me you didn’t exercise that much????

Buck: jesus, you can’t handle a fun fact. Eddie would ask me about it. Be a better friend, Hen.

Hen: I’m gonna show a fucking better friend.

(Obviously he has to add another set, but suddenly he was thinking less about Eddie and more about Hen murdering him the next time she sees him.)

-

Normally, he would make a countdown for Eddie and make sure his house has everything Eddie likes. Instead, he decides to get a new blender and spends a day trying out new recipes.

“Did you break up without someone else this week?,” Chimney asks looking at the brownies Buck cooked for them.

“I’ll take your brownies away if you keep talking.”

Chimney shuts his mouth.

“Honestly, I kinda wish someone broke up with you every week, it’s awesome,” Ravi says with a gigantic smile.

Bobby sighs, “Ravi, please.”

“No, no,” Buck smiles. “It’s nice that someone appreciates my cooking. You ungrateful lot.”

-

Tommy: can I see you again?

Buck: *photo*

Buck: done. happy to help. bye now.

Tommy: fine. Can we talk?

Buck: we just did!

Buck: seriously. I can do this for anything you say. fuck off.

And it’s awful, because he liked Tommy. He could see himself falling for him, he was starting to. In many ways, he left a mark – his first relationship with a man, his journey to figuring himself out, and Tommy had been good to him.

But he also can’t forgive Tommy – for breaking up with him just like that. For opening a can of worms that was fine left alone.

His phone rings and he picks up without a second thought.

“Seriously, what part of fuck off did you not get?”

“Ouch, hello to you too, man,” Eddie fucking Diaz replies. “Have I done something to piss you off in a dream or something?”

“Shit, hi, Eddie, sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

Eddie, like the annoying shit he is, hums. “And who would that be?”

“The guy from my car insurance. He, uh, wanted to sell me, uh, more insurance.”

“More insurance?”

Eddie is not buying the shit Buck is selling, but Buck is a stubborn idiot. He doesn’t back down from his stupidity. Never.

“Right? Crazy. Anyways, tell me about Texas, Cowboy,” he rambles.

Eddie indulges him.

-

Eddie: do you need to talk?

Buck: …why is everyone so into me talking these days? Normally everyone wants me to shut up

Eddie: Chimney said something about you stress baking. And you told me to fuck off very aggressively earlier.

Buck: a guy can’t have hobbies??? Rude

Buck: And I told you. Mean, aggressive, insurance guy.

Eddie: so you are okay?

Buck: I’m as okay as you are.

Eddie: so not okay at all.

Buck: why aren’t *you* okay?

Eddie: this isn’t about me

Buck: well, well, well… seems like the tables have turned.

Eddie: you aren’t making any sense right now

Buck: bold of you to assume I have ever made any sense

Eddie: ...I’m giving up. I’m here if you need me. I’m still your friend and I’ll be there tomorrow.

Buck: yeah. I know.

And Buck goes out again after that, because those words made the idea of sleeping in a house full of Eddie’s memories everywhere unbearable.

-

A guy makes his way over to him and Buck smiles coyly. He’s smaller than him, but just as built. He has a beautiful smile that seems free – like he’s just happy to exist. Something about that draws Buck in.

As soon as the guy is in reaching distance, Buck raises a hand. “What’s your name?”

The guy frowns, confused. “George.”

“Oh. Okay. Carry on.”

George laughs, as if Buck is funny. “You got a list of banned names?”

“Yes,” Buck replies serious, but George isn’t running for the hills with Buck’s madness, he seems to consider his words.

“I get it. I think. Just so I know if your name is okay too, what do people call you?”

“I’m Buck,” he extends his hand.

He gets a warm handshake. George drags his thumb through Buck’s hand slowly and Buck feels something stir through him.

“Buck,” he says slowly. He smiles wide, his voice deep like a blues singer. “I like that.”

Buck doesn’t think about anything else. He goes to George’s.

-

Buck wakes up with an arm across his stomach and it takes a second to place himself. Not home – no, he--- George. One night stand. Okay.

He carefully extracts himself to check his phone – which means he needs to find it of course. Eventually he finds it inside his pants that were thrown in a chair in a corner of the room. It’s 09:30 which means he needs to leave that instant to get to the airport on time to pick up Eddie.

He starts searching for his clothes in a hurry, and finding his socks proves to be a difficult job. After ten very frustrating minutes, he gives up on one of the socks – one is under the bed, the other is probably a prude that ran away to hide itself from the sex. He almost gets out without a hitch, but bumps his leg into the bed when he starts to walk towards the door.

George shoots up, startled from his sleep. Buck suddenly feels silly, standing there, dressed minus one sock, shoes in hand, staring at his naked one night stand with panic in his eyes.

“Oh, so you’re one of those guys who sneaks out, huh?,” George says, up and Buck tries to focus on the ceiling. Somehow, looking at the guy naked now feels like a breach of contract. It’s daylight and all.

“I used to be. Not really nowadays, but I have to pick a friend up at the airport and I’m late.”

George smiles at him, “it’s cool. I would offer my number, but I know I’m just rebound guy.”

Buck sputters. He doesn’t want to lie, so he’s stuck with very lame: “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, I’m not sorry. It was great sex. Amazing, even. Well, you know what bar to find me. Now, shoo. Away you go.”

And Buck leaves, confused, but happy. He slept with someone without an awful morning and he didn’t think about Eddie.

Well, not during sex at least.

It counts.

-

He gets to the airport and both Diazes are already waiting for him.

“Chris!,” he knows Chris is too old for it, but he can’t help but pick him up and spin him around, laughing like a maniac. He missed the kid like crazy.

“Buck! That’s lame!,” he protests, but he laughs along. Buck can tell it’s mostly for show. Teenagers are allergic to fun and public displays of family affection.

“Sorry, sorry.”

He turns to Eddie, who just raises an eyebrow at him. Buck stands frozen for a second, trying to understand the volcano of emotions that are trying to scape him. “I don’t get swirled around too?”

Buck rolls his eyes and breathes a little easier. He can do this.

“Nah, you are too old, would crack a bone or something.”

They go for a hug, and Buck steps away after a second. So fast that Eddie gives him a confused frown.

“Come on! I wanna know all about the trip!”

Chris starts talking about the plane ride excitedly, and Buck smiles along, happy to be near them. He can tell Eddie is weirded out, but quiet until they get in the car.

“Why were you late?,” Eddie asks suddenly.

Buck looks quickly to his side, clicking his seatbelt into place. Eddie is suspicious. “Traffic.”

Chris snorts, “does traffic have a name?”

Buck turns his face to the backseat in disbelief. He turns red without meaning to, and he can see Eddie’s eyes narrowing.

“What do you mean?”

“Buck! I’m not a kid. I know what a hickey looks like,” and there’s a very judgmental finger pointed to his neck.

“Have you been giving girls hickeys in Texas?,” Buck is slightly horrified. Chris is way too young for that, surely.

Chris gives him his best bitch face, one that could rival Eddie’s, and Buck can feel the rebuttal he’s about to get. “I could be giving boys hickeys, for all you know.”

Buck raises his arms in surrender, terrified to be seen as an homophobic dinosaur – never mind the fact he is out there getting hickeys by other men.

Eddie on the other hand, sputters, turning to his son with a finger raised. “You better not be giving anyone hickeys, mister. And you---,” he turns to Buck with something close to betrayal in his eyes. “I thought you weren’t with Tommy anymore.”

Buck huffs, turning on the car and trying to make home, so he can hide in his bedroom. “I’m not.”

“So this was a---,” he gives Chris a quick glance. “Random friend?”

“Yeah.”

Suddenly, Buck isn’t happy about the car ride anymore.

“I thought you were done with,” Eddie pauses, trying to think of some metaphor for one night stands. “Random friends.”

“I’m not making random friends every night or anything,” Buck keeps going. “But sometimes I like to have a friend to, uh, color with.”

He wants to smack himself for the analogy. He stole it from an episode of Sex and the City, a show that Taylor made him watch – that he absolutely pretended he didn’t like, while secretly enjoying every scene.

“You don’t think it’s too soon to color after, you know?”

Buck raises an eyebrow, his hands tightening on the steering wheel, “is there a timeline pre-approved by you that I can follow? How long before I can color again?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just. It isn’t healthy.”

“Oh, please. Should I call you before I want to color next? So you can tell me whether you think it’s okay or not.”

Eddie turns red next to him. Buck realized what he said: should I call you the next time I’m horny and about to fuck someone?

Part of him is screaming. The other part is planning on buying of those self-driving cars, so next time he says something that dumb he could just shove his face into his hands for the rest of the way without worrying about the road.

“It’s sweet you two think I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chris calls them out.

The rest of the ride is dead silent.

-

Chris goes straight to the couch, clearly entertained by his phone without a second thought to the conversation. Eddie, on the other hand, follows Buck to the kitchen like a shadow, barely two steps behind.

“I’m sorry,” it’s the first thing out of his mouth, and Buck turns, startled. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just worried about you. You’ve been off.”

“I have been treating you like I treat everyone else at the firehouse, Eddie,” Buck replies, the response perfectly crafted on his tongue. “And you’re the only one that claims that I’ve been acting weird.”

Eddie narrows his eyes. “So no one noticed you’ve been distant?”

“I haven’t been distant. We talk almost every day, man.”

“Yeah, but---”

And Buck knows what Eddie is thinking. That they used to talk every day. Without fail. Multiple times a day, even. “I think I have been doing a good job of being your friend, even with the distance.”

“You have, I just---”

Buck patiently waits for Eddie to figure out. He isn’t sure what Eddie is saying, and there’s a distance between them that never existed before. Even when they were states away, before Tommy blew this shit open, they never had secrets. They rarely need to clarify what the other meant.

“You just?”

“I wish we were closer.”

Buck’s heart stumbles over those words, and he feels slightly like he’s about to pass out. He isn’t sure he can trust his ears, because it can’t be – Eddie can’t.

He doesn’t, of course. Eddie means closer like they were. In the same state. Talking always. He doesn’t mean closer as in together. Buck knows. But the words are already a treasure Buck is going to revisit way more frequently than he should, his plan of getting over Eddie be damned.

“Eddie. You are probably, outside of Maddie, the closest person to me.” Buck confesses in the small kitchen. “There’s no one else above you.”

Eddie smiles, a shy, fragile thing that he keeps trying to fight.

“Good.”

Buck smiles back. He doesn’t know how to stop himself from giving Eddie anything he asks for. He would give him his life, his love, his all, without a second thought. The only payment he needs is a smile like that.

-

It surprises Buck how instantly Eddie notices.

“Why aren’t most of your photos up?”

“Huh?”

“Picture frames. You had others. Where are they?”

Buck doesn’t have to be a genius to figure out that Eddie means their pictures. They were a prominent part of his last place, near his TV – Eddie had his face all over his wall. Now, he’s in a couple of group photos, nowhere to be found alone.

“Oh, I don’t know, I really didn’t try hard to decorate yet.”

Eddie turns to him, with his arms crossed. Buck feels slightly like a bug under a microscope, about to be eviscerated. “I know something is going on and I’ll figure it out, Buck.”

Buck starts sweating a little bit.

“Pft, I have nothing to hide.”

-

Buck is also invited to abuela’s birthday party that takes place at Pepa’s house. He got the text message from abuela herself; and he loved how included he was by the Diaz family. He knew it was a little weird, the best friend that follows her grandson around, but in her eyes Buck was a blessing.

And he couldn’t deny he got emotional the first time she told him that. He was born to be a savior and failed ever since, he never thought anyone would see him as anything holy.

“Eddito told me your boyfriend broke up with you,” Abuela says to him, in the middle of dinner, a table full of Diazes. Buck ignores the way his cheeks flame up. “He must be an idiot.”

Surprised, Buck laughs, despite his embarrassment. He gives a quick look around, slightly scared of some homophobia, but Eddie’s cousins, tios and tias, seem all fine with him liking dick. He shrugs, slightly less on edge. “Your grandson said the same thing. But, uh, no. I think we just weren’t a good fit.”

“It works for me! My Pilates instructor is single!,” Abuela smiles broadly. “Muy hermoso, very bendy too.”

Buck chokes on the water he was trying to drink. He would be laughing at Chris’ disgusted face if he wasn’t so mortified himself.

“Abuela!,” Eddie sounds scandalized, but abuela rolls her eyes, while half of the table giggles.

Buck doesn’t know if he should kill himself with his knife or if that would be considered too rude.

“Just because you don’t want to be set up, doesn’t mean Buck here doesn’t.”

“Hm,” Buck clears his throat. “I don’t know if I should. My dating life at this point is a terrible cosmic joke. Maybe I should give up before more tragedy.”

Two cousins of Eddie coo him – and one of them gives him a very obvious once over. Buck is officially changing his ID from caucasian to tomato red. There’s no way life keeps being this cruel to him and finding new ways to be mortifying.

“Give up love? Buck, cariño, you can’t. Sometimes it takes a while to find the one.”

Buck smiles fondly at abuela. He doesn’t think anyone has been that sweet about his life other than Maddie. He also doesn’t know how to tell her he’s pretty sure the love of his life is a straight man called Eddie Diaz, who cannot love him in the same way.

“You can text me his number if he agrees to it next time you see him,” he mumbles.

The table erupt in cheers, except for Eddie, who crosses his arms and raises his voice.

“Are you seriously going to go on a date with---”

“Dean,” abuela supplies, helpfully, while Eddie keeps glaring at Buck.

“Whatever,” Eddie wave his hand, like he can erase the name from existence. “Like that?”

Buck is filled with burning anger, the same one from the talk when he picked him up from the airport. He is tired of being judged by Eddie, and he is exhausted from loving someone who can’t let him move on. “I’m sorry, but since when do I need your permission?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“See, you keep saying that, but you keep hating on every single person I date! You met Abby once and you nearly eviscerated her with your eyes.”

“She ghosted you and broke your heart!”

“Okay, and what wrong did Ali do? Ali was sweet, and caring---”

“And she couldn’t handle dating a firefighter. Buck, it’s not---”

“I don’t even need to talk about your hatred for Taylor.”

“Taylor Kelly did kinda suck, Buck,” Chris pipes up and one of Eddie’s cousins gasps.

“He dated the hot reporter?”

“Right?,” Pepa replies, eyes sparkling.

He knows he’s being watched like a live show, but right then he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s too worked up and Eddie keeps his cool distant façade that is driving him insane. He’ll get a rise out of him.

He needs answers.

“I wasn’t wrong about Taylor, was I?,” Eddie smirks smugly at him.

So Buck brings out the big guns.

“And what was wrong with Tommy, huh? You liked Tommy well enough before I started dating him. Hell, you two were friends! You both were army vet buddies, who did muay thai together and watched fights or whatever. The moment I start dating the guy, he’s public enemy number one?”

“Oh, Eddie,” abuela sighs, with a knowing tone that Buck doesn’t get.

The whispering around the table intensifies.

“This is better than that new telenovela,” Chris whispers, the one voice he can pick up. “Maybe I should write it down.”

“Tommy wasn’t a good boyfriend to you and you know it!”

“What are you talking about, Eddie?,” and Buck is too tired to understand. “He was fine.”

“No, he wasn’t! He didn’t dress up like you wanted for Chimney’s party!”

That’s it? “No one did!”

“I did!,” Eddie explodes, raising his voice, eyes simmering with something that Buck doesn’t get. “I did it with you! The second you asked me to! And I was the one up all night trying recipes with you when you decided to recreate Bobby’s chocolate cake without bugging him for the recipe! And I would have done something better for a six month anniversary than a fucking baseball game! You hate baseball!”

Buck stares at Eddie in disbelief.

“Eddie, you want to prove you know me better than my ex? You’ve been my best friend for seven years! Of course you do. It doesn’t mean---”

“It means you’re so desperate to be loved that you accept anything! You don’t even care if they are loving you right!”

Buck stares. You’re so desperate to be loved ringing in his ears. It’s not something about himself that he doesn’t know – he’s always the one being left behind, he’s always too much, he’s always too fond of big gestures towards people who don’t love him back. He gives, and he takes anything back, because he is desperate for it. He just never thought it would be used against him like that.

He sees the moment Eddie regrets his words. The way his face falls and Eddie, so sure of everything, seems to break too. The rest of the table watches and Buck is so happy to be around people, because he’s pretty sure his dignity is the one thing stopping him from ugly crying.

“Buck---”

“You’re right,” Buck nods, the anger is long gone, and suddenly all he wants is to sleep. Eddie doesn’t say another word. “I’ll keep that in mind. So, I’m gonna go.”

Abuela, Chris and Pepa all call him out as he stands, but Eddie himself is stuck; his eyes fixed on Buck’s chair like a magnet. He circles the table where Chris is seated and bends down to kiss his hair.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Chris,” he tells him softly. “This has nothing to do with you, you and I are fine.”

Chris stops giving him sad blue eyes to glare at Eddie, “oh, I know.”

“Don’t be angry at him,” Buck whispers. He tries to joke: “He gets too sad and pathetic.”

“I don’t want you hurt.”

Buck smiles softly at the teenager in front of him, that has always been a gleam of sunshine in his dark days. The one person that maybe only sees good in him. “Don’t worry about it.”

He waves at everyone as he leaves.

Eddie jumps up, as if struck.

“Wait.”

Buck closes his eyes. “Really, Eddie, it’s---”

“I hated you dating Tommy, because Tommy is a guy,” Eddie rushes out.

Half of the table gasps, the other half leans forward. Buck can hardly believe his own ears. It’s like the world shifts, but it makes sense. Eddie has been edgier about his dating life after Buck came out.

This doesn’t change a thing his ass. Fucker.

“Eddie, since when are you homophobic? Hen is your friend and she’s a lesbian!,” Buck throws his hands up. “I can’t believe you lied to me.”

Eddie frowns, in shock, like he doesn’t understand Buck’s words, until his face clears.

“That’s not---”

“Jesus, Eddie, I can’t deal with this. It’s 2025, dude. Grow up.”

And Buck leaves, with weird knowing looks from the table.

-

He realizes, belatedly, that Eddie and him are sharing a house at the moment, which means in a while Eddie is going to show up through the door Buck just slammed.

Part of him is still in shock – he can’t fucking believe that Eddie has an issue with him liking men. It certainly explains so much: why he was weird about Tommy. Why he was suddenly so curious about Buck one night stands! Eddie was probably hoping he would be back with women, so things would be less awkward for him.

It hurts more because it’s just another nail in the Eddie cannot love him coffin. It’s a Eddie hates him because he's gay, and he's very gay for him.

Buck feels something nasty growing inside of him.

Eddie has a probably with him liking men?

Oh, Buck is about to rub as much gay shit in Eddie’s face as much as he physically can.

-

He got a bisexual flag from his birthday from Hen, and he exchanges Eddie’s blanket for it – if the guy doesn’t want to freeze at night, he’s going to have to sleep cuddled with a gay flag. He also puts up the rainbow banner he got to piss off Gerard across his living room, suddenly very invested in decoration.

It's on the nose, sure, but it’s meant to be. He thinks he’s a little in a maniac state, so he goes to his bathroom to shower and tries to be less electric.

After he’s done, he listens to the door opening and goes to the hallway, with only his towel around his waist. There’s no Chris in sight, only Eddie.

“Subtle,” Eddie says, nodding towards the banner.

Buck grinds his teeth and raises his head. “Got a problem?”

“No. Not at all. Buck,” he sighs as if he’s the one having a shit day. “You have to know that’s not what I meant. Can we talk? Chris is spending the night at Pepa’s and… I just—please let me explain.”

“Okay. I’m listening,” Buck leans against a wall and crosses his arms. “What did you mean?”

Eddie looks at him for a second, then away, getting red and flustered. “Could you put some clothes on first?”

Buck huffs, Eddie has seen him shirtless countless times before. They had been changing in front of one another for years, for fuck’s sake, but now it’s too much?

“No,” Buck steps forward. “I’m fine like this.”

“You’re practically naked.”

“Everything important is very much covered, actually.”

“Buck, I can kind of see the outline of your dick.”

Buck resists the urge to remove the towel and just yell: and now you can see it! Just say whatever. However, that is would be very much sexual harassment and Buck wouldn’t cross it. He just doesn’t get why Eddie is being so weird.

“So what?”

“So I can’t not think about it! It---It’s distracting!”

Before he can answer, a light bulb turns on his brain and he reaches a sudden clarity. Why it bothers that Tommy is a guy. Why Buck semi-naked is distracting. Why Eddie can’t explain himself well. It’s not outwards homophobia, it’s the internalized one. The I can’t let myself look because that would be gay. Buck dated women, now he dates men and he’s happy about it. Buck remembers that lunch, about a year ago, when Eddie announced that dating feels like a performance.

Now, flustered and giving Buck’s cock the side-eye, he’s not pretending anything. He’s attracted to him. But Eddie cannot let himself have that, can he? He can’t admit to anyone he likes men.

“Oh.”

And Buck could be nice about it, really. He could try and seat down, and have a mature conversation. He had his own sexuality freak out not too long ago; he understands better than anyone in the world.

That wouldn’t be fun, though.

No, Eddie just made him go through one of the most awkward moments of his life. Buck really wants payback.

“You know what, Eddie?,” Buck stretches his arms above his head, while popping his neck. He doesn’t miss the way Eddie’s eyes follow the movement. “I’m tired. We can talk tomorrow.”

“What?”

“I’m beat. I need a good jerk off session and a night of sleep.”

Eddie’s brain apparently stops working. “You need---what?”

Buck smiles, innocently, “a good orgasm, you know? The pent up energy goes to a better place this way.”

“In my bedroom?,” he can see the way Eddie swallows around those words.

Buck smirks, “it’s my bedroom now, isn’t it?”

Eddie seems incapable of responding to that.

“Bye, Eddie. I’ll enjoy the rest of my night now.”

-

The walls of the house are paper thin – it’s one of the many flaws of the place. He knows that if he speaks from the bedroom, it isn’t hard to hear from the living room. It’s late, it’s a quiet neighborhood, Buck knows that any noise will very much reach Eddie.

So he starts fake moaning.

It’s childish? Sure. Ridiculous? Absolutely. Does he give a fuck? Not really.

“Shit,” he sighs, with putting on just the right kind of intonation to be very suggestive. In reality he has absolutely no will whatsoever to touch himself; the emotional rollercoaster of the day left him drained. Eddie doesn’t need to know that, though. “Yes, yes, so f—good.”

During his Buck 1.0 era, he turned dirt talk to an art. He has had tons of phone sex; he knows what noises to make, when to make them, what gets people on edge. He can imagine Eddie’s horrified face, the desperation of not wanting to hear. Buck has to hold back a laugh, picturing how much Eddie must be torturing himself for listening right then.

Speaking of torture…

“Oh, so hot. I want to get fucked so bad,” he says just at the right tone – the it was meant to be low, but I got loud without meaning to.

There’s a loud bang and Buck is pretty sure it’s the front door.

Eddie just ran for his life.

Huh. Serves him right.

-

Buck sleeps well. He thinks he dreams of shopping for a new couch, but every store he goes, he only can find the same couch – one that looks too much like Eddie’s.

-

The following morning he finds Eddie sitting at the kitchen table with bags under his eyes, staring at the ceiling. Oh, poor catholic repressed boy.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Buck deserves an Oscar. This is the performance of his life – he’s got the perfect confused face, the innocent tone.

“I---,” Eddie blushes and looks away. “I. No. Not really.”

Buck makes his eyes go big and round, “because of our fight?”

And it would make sense, so Eddie clearly takes that road instead of admitting the truth. He nods, eager for an out while Buck hides his smirk, turning to the coffee maker – he needs coffee to appreciate this victory even more.

“I think I got it,” he tells Eddie overly casual. “You aren’t homophobic.”

“No! I mean, yes! Buck- I swear, I---”

“You just need to be more around gay stuff.”

“What?”

“Yeah, immersion therapy, you know? Gay bars, gay people. So you can see it’s pretty much the same, and you can move on from the weirdness you are feeling.”

Eddie stares at him. “I really don’t think it’s necessary.”

Buck smiles, “so it’s okay if I kiss another guy in front of you?”

He can’t help but watch the way Eddie frowns. His hands close into fists. Oh, Eddie hates it, huh?

“Sure.”

Buck smiles, gives a small nod, that he hopes looks very friendly. “Alright, then. Anyway. You should come to the station with me today.”

Eddie looks scared for his life and very much wary of Buck easiness. No one can say Eddie is an idiot. However, he trusts Buck way too much to see a trap.

Buck keeps singing while getting ready for work.

-

Buck: remember when you left me alone with my ex when I was drunk and sad?

Ravi: …no?

Buck: yes you do

Buck: since you owe me for that, I gotta a favor to ask

Ravi: can’t Bobby just fire me?

Buck: no

Buck: I need you to declare your crush on me and kiss me today

Buck: Bobby will be fine with it

Ravi: Bobby won’t be fine with it

Ravi: wait

Ravi: I’M NOT FINE WITH IT!!!

Buck: what if I tell you it’s for a prank?

Ravi: who are we pranking?

Buck: Eddie

Ravi: omg

Ravi: I really shouldn’t meddle

Ravi: but… why?

Buck: so he can admit he’s jealous.

Ravi: …

Ravi: I mean, you two used to date and all, of course he’s jealous.

Buck: wtf

Buck: Ravi, we never dated

Ravi: then what the fuck do you two have going on???

Buck: …we are friends.

Ravi: oh my god

Ravi: that was a good one lol

Buck: ????

Ravi: oh.

Ravi: are u for real rn???

Buck: what does that mean?

Ravi: that you two are not friends. Whatever the hell you two have going on? Very not just friends. Very sexual and romantic and shit.

Ravi: Very weird too, btw

Ravi: how do you two act the way you act and say “oh no, we’re friends???”

Buck: I regret asking you for help

Ravi: you know what?

Ravi: I’m kissing you. For the DRAMA. Things have been too quiet.

Buck just sends him a thumbs up and ignores the headache the conversation caused. The point is: Eddie is going to hate it.

-

He texts Bobby too, a quick: Ravi is kissing me today, but it’s a joke, so don’t worry about it! Love you, bye.

Bobby then calls him five times while he drives to work – and Eddie keeps raising his eyebrows higher every time Buck rejects a call.

“Did you do something reckless the last shift?” And he must be feeling better, because it’s his judgmental tone.

Buck shakes his head, “no, everything was fine.”

Eddie just hums at him for a second.

“And Bobby is after you like a maniac, because…?”

“He probably just misses me too much.”

“He’s seeing you in less than ten minutes.”

Buck shrugs, with a forced casualty, “that man is getting clingy in his old age.”

Eddie laughs, caught by surprised, even if he can tell it’s bullshit.

“I’ll tell him you said that.”

“I’ll tell him you said my cooking got better than his.”

Eddie narrows his eyes, “fine.”

Buck smiles very broadly. He’s on a winning streak today.

-

Bobby is about to corner him and ask about it, when Ravi comes running up the stairs holding a red rose. That stuns everyone, who stares at him as he races to the front of Buck.

He can practically feel Eddie tensing up on his side.

“Buck, you know you and I didn’t start off in the best way,” Ravi announces.

“Oh, this is gonna be good,” Chimney whispers to Hen, who nods.

“But I think you are pretty great,” Buck raises an eyebrow, because that’s it? He expected better. Ravi sighs, when Buck refuses to respond to such a lame attempt. To the others it may look like a infatuated sigh, but Buck knows the little shit is sighing because he’s exasperated. “And hot! And funny! Honestly, you---uh, you are the whole package. And seeing you with Tommy made me realize, that. You like men, right? So maybe… you like me too?”

“Ravi, did you hit your head?”

“Are you experiencing other signs of early dementia?”

Buck glares at Hen and Chimney. “Ravi, you---”

“I love you, Buck,” Ravi says, shaking the rose, and grabbing one of Buck’s hands. He starts gapping at the probie.

That’s way beyond what they agreed.

“You---love me,” Buck repeats in shock. Did this guy go to improv class or something? Why is he getting so sidetracked?

“And I’m going to kiss you now,” Ravi fucking announces.

Buck knows the point was to kiss and make Eddie realize hey it’s okay to be gay and all, but he’s too busy digesting the worst speech ever to think about kissing Ravi.

It's a good thing the Eddie steps between Buck and Ravi, a hand on Ravi’s chest. “Back off.”

Ravi’s eyes go round and big, Buck is slightly sorry for how terrified he looks, but that is what Buck finally snaps back to reality.

“Hey, you back off! He was trying to kiss me!”

Eddie turns around so fast it’s incredible he doesn’t get whiplash. “And do you want to kiss him?”

Buck narrows his eyes.

“So what if I do?”

“Buck,” and there’s a desperation on his tone. “I--- why?”

“I get it now,” Bobby whispers to himself, shaking his head. He doesn’t stop staring – none of them do.

Buck steps up, practically chest to chest with Eddie. “Because he is brave enough to ask for what he wants. And I want someone who wants me. And there is nothing wrong with that, is there?”

Eddie stares at his mouth, stuck, nodding slowly. Buck stops breathing. He thinks maybe. Maybe… they will get somewhere. Maybe this is the moment that he’s been waiting for – a chance he didn’t think he would get.

And if it’s a mistake, it’s a mistake he would drown himself in.

“I—” and before Eddie can say anything else, the alarm blasts.

Buck shakes his head as he leaves, ignoring the weight of Eddie’s stare on his back. Inside the truck, Hen waits two seconds before breaking the silence.

“The Ravi speech was totally fake, right? Because I cannot deal with more pinning.”

Ravi nods, “I’m not even sure I like Buck very much. No offense.”

Buck rolls his eyes.

“Buck knew it was happening. How?,” Bobby asks from the front seat of the truck. Buck is back to despising the intrusion on his personal life.

“It was his idea, he wanted to torture Eddie,” Ravi supplies.

Chimney frowns, “why would that torture Eddie?”

Everyone stares at him. Buck realizes in that moment that, apparently, the only other person on the whole team who was too slow to figure out about him and Eddie, besides Eddie himself, is his brother-in-law.

Hen sighs and slightly taps Chimney on the knee. “Think about it.”

-

Buck whines about Eddie the entire call.

“He’s been impossible! He thinks no one is good enough for me, judging all my love life, like he is any better.”

Hen nods, “Eddie, God help us all, makes worse choices than you do. It’s almost unbelievable.”

Buck ignores that part. He keeps mumbling about it, ignoring the way Hen keeps looking at the sky when she’s not paying attention to the patient.

“…and then I tried to be a normal friend! Put some distance! Because I needed to get over him! You know what he said? I wish we were closer! The only way I could be closer to that man is if he was inside of me!”

“Buck!,” Bobby screams in the radio, horrified, and he winces.

Buck kind of forgot of the open radio channel.

“Sorry, Cap,” he turns his radio off, before continuing telling his saga to Hen. “…but after the dinner at abuela’s I think I got it. He is jealous, I think. That I found myself and that I’m okay with being bi. And maybe he just needs a push to see he can have that too.”

“So you made Ravi profess his undying love for you?”

Buck rubs his face. “I asked for a small crush confession and a kiss. Just to see how Eddie would react. I didn’t think Ravi would go all Shakespearean.”

“Well, Eddie sure reacted.”

He is about to reply when the ambulance stops. Their patient, Sarah, waves at Buck as she’s wheeled away, murmuring to him , “it does seem like he’s in the closet.”

So Buck is happy more people are on his side.

-

Back at the station, Eddie is nowhere in sight. It’s ridiculous how he searches, like a lost puppy, until MacKenzie sees him looking for Eddie in a supply closet and call him out.

“He left.”

Buck turns sharply. “What?”

“Diaz left about twenty minutes after you guys. He was pacing up and down this place and then he just left.”

There’s nothing to say to that, so Buck spends the next eleven hours moping. It’s so bad that Bobby calls him into his office.

“I really don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Tough luck, kid.” It’s awkward because discussing this with Bobby it’s like having the sex talk with his dad. He just doesn’t want to – and the embarrassment is just there. “What is going on? And please be careful with wording, because I’m still traumatized by the radio confession.”

Buck snorts at that, despite himself.

“I don’t know how to talk about it with you, or anyone. I just---I have stuff to figure out with Eddie.”

There’s a long pause, in which Bobby stares at him, calculating something. Clearly he wants to give one of his encouragement speeches, but by the looks of it, it’s clear he doesn’t know whether Buck is ready to hear what he has to say. Buck wishes Bobby would tell him how to fix things.

The problem is he doesn’t know what he wants to fix. In his dreams, he gets together with Eddie. But that’s a dream. Eddie may be struggling with his sexuality and want Buck on a physical sense, but that doesn’t mean he loves him romantically. Buck is well aware he’s great for sex, but not someone people want long term.

And Eddie. Eddie has been the most constant thing on his life. Maddie left, and he still had Eddie. Eddie has been through every break up, every bad day. Eddie forgave him for his worst days, and he was there to celebrate when he was his best. It's all about Eddie, really, and Buck would be lucky to be his best friend forever.

He just has to learn how to not have him in every sense. He did that until now, he could adapt to it again.

Maybe that’s all this is.

“You two have a bond that I don’t think anything can break,” it’s what Bobby says in the end. “It’s going to be fine, Buck.”

He wishes he was that certain. “How do you know?”

“I asked a priest once how he was so sure of his faith. And he told me that faith is meant to be tested, because it’s the principle of the thing. You don’t need faith for things that you know – those are facts. The unknown, the uncertain, those are the things that ask for faith.”

Buck frowns, clearly not following. “Okay?”

“So he told me that faith is a lot like relationships of any kind. You have to put in work. You have to forgive yourself. You have to forgive God, or your partner, when you think things are unfair. You have to wake up and decide you want to try and be better, that you want to believe in something better.”

“And you think I should have faith in me and Eddie?”

“No,” Bobby shakes his head with a little smile. Buck gaps at him. “I don’t think you’re in the faith category. I think you two are a fact. I never doubted you two finding a way to each other for a second, in whatever shape or form you two decide to be. The water is wet, the sky is blue, Buck and Eddie just are. If you need faith still, it’s okay. But one day you will realize you two are a fixture in time, I think.”

Buck swallows a lot of emotions trying to scape. “In what way? I mean, what are me and Eddie?”

Bobby shakes his head.

“That’s up to you two to figure out. But you do that off the clock and preferably not in my station, alright, Buck?”

He groans, rubbing his face. “I blame Ravi.”

-

Ravi does not accept the blame. Neither does Bobby.

-

Part of his head is still a mess of things when he arrives back at the house. He doesn’t want to face Eddie yet, but he needs to talk things out – a part of him always feels restless when the two of them aren’t okay. He doesn’t know what he is expecting, but he certainly is surprised to find Eddie sitting down at the couch with the drawer of the pictures of them in front of him.

Buck freezes.

“Why?”

It’s all Eddie asks, quietly, staring at the pictures – not looking at all at Buck’s direction. A thousand excuses and reasons and lies (and some truths too) go through his head, but everything feels stuck to his throat.

Small words, he decides.

“Because I need to move on.”

There’s a confused frown on Eddie’s face, and Buck just walks slowly until he’s seated on the couch, but on the other end, as far as he can from Eddie. His eyes fall on one of the pictures and his heart aches.

It's a picture from three years ago, from Chris’ school trip to the Grififith Observatory. Chris is laughing with his head thrown back, on the top of Buck’s shoulders, and Eddie has this fond look on his eyes staring at them both, while Buck makes a silly face. It’s his favorite picture of all times, because it felt like everything that day was perfect and it was captured on film. He keeps his eyes on it.

“Why do you need to move on from me?” Eddie’s voice is small and frail.

It’s time. He thinks of Bobby’s words, that he should be sure Eddie and him can face anything. He thinks of the years they have been friends. How they suffered more when they hid stuff from the other.

The truth is probably easier.

He’s about to open his mouth and confess how pathetically in love with his best friend he is, when the doorbell rings.

“Ignore that,” Eddie pleads.

But then it rings again, along with someone banging on the door, and he can hear, clear as a fucking bell, “Evan! Come one!”

And he’s pretty sure it’s Tommy’s voice.

Hs eyes nearly jump out of his face.

“Is that---”

“Yep,” Buck replies, standing up, because Tommy keeps screaming.

“Evan, we need to talk! I’m sorry.”

Buck practically runs to the door. He might be angry at Tommy, but screaming through a door is a low he doesn’t wish for the guy.

“Dude, what the fuck,” he whispers, because Tommy is clearly drunk. And a mess. “What happened to you?”

“You did. Again,” Tommy steps inside the house, and Buck takes a step back. But then he sways and Buck grabs his shoulders so he doesn’t fall. “I can’t stop thinking about that night. We work so well, it’s so good. And I shouldn’t have left, I shouldn’t have---you are so incredible. And Diaz can---”

And suddenly he stops talking, eyes fixed on something behind Buck.

He turns, and sees Eddie, with his arms crossed, leaning against a wall with a gigantic sarcastic smirk, watching the whole thing.

You know, like an asshole.

“No, no, keep going,” Eddie raises his eyebrows. Buck has a feeling this is going to get very ugly very fast. They look like angry dogs, and he doesn’t have a hose to spray them with. “What about me?”

Tommy scoffs, waves Buck’s hands off and takes a step closer to Eddie. He looks sharper, somehow, as if the shock of seeing Eddie again made him sober up somewhat. “You really can’t stay away from Evan, can you?”

The smirk is still on Eddie’s face, but Buck can see the tightening of his jaw. He raises his chin higher, clearly eager for a fight.

Oh no.

“Come on, guys, it’s---"

“Last time I checked, Buck is my best friend and you are his… oh yes. You’re nothing to him anymore.”

“Jesus,” Buck whispers. Tommy takes another step, and Buck quickly puts himself between the two, his hands spread on Tommy’s chest. “Alright, let’s talk in the kitchen, Tommy, Eddie here doesn’t---”

“And last time I checked,” Tommy speaks over him, and Buck feels invisible. He might as well not even be there. “He slept with me last week, while you were probably hiding on some closet in Texas.”

Buck winces. So much for Eddie not knowing about him and Tommy and the kitchen fiasco.

But Eddie doesn’t react besides narrowing his eyes. He spares a quick look into Buck’s direction, but then shrugs. Buck feels sick, and whispers Jesus Christ, what the fuck, again, but no one listens.

He gets romantic novels and the fainting protagonists. There’s an 80% chance he’ll just black out. And if he doesn’t, it’s a shame, because he would give anything to get out of this conversation.

“Seems like he didn’t have much fun if you have to beg for a… what? Third chance?”

Tommy takes his hand, suddenly looking away from Eddie, and focusing on Buck. Stares directly into his eyes, and intertwines their fingers. Buck forgets how to move.

He knows another bomb is coming.

“Was it fake?” At Buck’s confusion, Tommy smiles and keeps going. “The way you moaned my name while riding me, was that fake?”

Buck chokes on his own tongue.

And he can’t really reply before Tommy gets a punch in the face.

Well, shit.

Buck doesn’t know what the fuck he did for the universe to hate him so much.

In a second Eddie and Tommy are on the floor, fighting. He doesn’t miss the way Tommy hits Eddie in the jaw and blood explodes.

“Stop! Come on!,” he goes to grab Eddie off of Tommy but nearly gets elbowed in the face in the process. “For fuck’s sake!”

He gives up, runs to the kitchen, grabs a jar of iced water, goes back to the fucking hallway and dumps on them. They both startle, and Buck just pretty much lifts Eddie by his shirt, off of Tommy.

He stares at both of them . He is so fucking done.

Tommy scrambles to his feet, and suddenly he has two large and bloody guys, looking pathetically wet on either side of him.

“Evan.”

“Buck.”

Now he’s the one done listening.

“Oh, fuck you both. You,” he points at Eddie, “grab some clothes from your bag and change in Chris’ old room. And you, follow me so I can lend you some clothes. Then we are going to the fucking hospital. And if I hear the sound of either of your voices, I’m killing you both myself. Nod if you understand.”

He gets two stunned nods, both Eddie and Tommy looking like chastised children, suddenly each going to a room. Buck gets one of his larger hoodies and sweatpants, that he’ll think best will fit Tommy. He hands them, and it looks like the guy is about to speak, when Buck just raises a finger in warning.

Tommy’s mouth snaps shut.

Good. Finally some respect.

He goes wait in the living room, on the couch, and it’s caught by surprised by the pictures. He had forgotten them, and the whole almost confessing his feelings stuff. Buck is distracted by them, so he doesn’t hear Tommy walking back, a bunch of toilet paper pressed against his nose.

“It’s always been him, huh?”

Buck shakes his head, “not a word.” He rounds around the couch and glares at Tommy. “Because this mess is your fault. Now shut up again.”

Tommy doesn’t look drunk anymore, but he seems like he wants to argue. He’s saved by Eddie walking out towards them, a questioning eyebrow raised from the tension in the room. Buck ignores him.

He still doesn’t speak as he turns around and heads for his jeep. He’s busy closing the door, when he looks up, Eddie and Tommy are rushing to the passenger’s seat, like two kids calling out for shotgun. Tommy gets there first and Eddie huffs out angry – another spurt of blood coming out from his lips and chin.

Maddie would get a kick out of this. Buck just wants to sleep forever.

He gets in to drive, and Tommy slides next to him, Eddie on the back.

It’s going to be a very long drive.

-

Two minutes in, Eddie starts kicking Tommy’s seat.

Buck starts doing breathing exercises.

-

Four minutes in, Tommy is messing with his phone and Buck’s car speakers start blasting the boy is mine.

(He is slightly amused, but too angry to get a laugh out of it.)

He turns off the radio, slaps Eddie’s legs, and sighs. Buck can handle ten minutes of a car ride without two idiots driving him insane, he’s sure.

-

When they get to the hospital, Buck feels like the father of two wayward boys. He goes through the door, happy to see a nurse and let go of the two for a second.

“He’s got a possible broken nose,” he points at Tommy blood fountain of a nose, then at Eddie in his rendition of a horror movie scene of blood vomiting, “and this one probably needs stitches on his lip and chin.”

A doctor goes to see them quickly, and Buck would leave them alone, but he’s unsure of the shit they would say to each other if he left them. So he’s supervising the situation.

Because his life sucks, it’s Doctor Silva, who has probably seem Buck a thousand times. And knows Eddie. And Tommy too. The guy has the worst poker face Buck has ever seen, and he clearly is curious.

 “I’m guessing this is not firefighter related.”

“No.”

“Please, elaborate.”

“They both got punched in the face. Clearly.”

Silva looks at their hands and sees the obvious purple of a forming bruise on the skin of both of their knuckles. “You mean they punched each other.”

Buck shrugs, “it’s one of those days.”

“It’s assault.”

“No one is pressing charges, because you can't arrest people for being dumb as fuck, so if you could just fix them, please.”

Silva doesn’t let go of the bone, as he asks for an CT scan for Tommy.

“Did Eddie found out Tommy was cheating on your or something?”

Buck hates he comes so much to the hospital that doctors know about his personal life.

“Diaz is jealous that I’m the one with Evan.”

“Buck is your ex, and you need to move on, Kinnard.”

Silva looks at them, then at Buck. The asshole smiles. “I think I got it.”

“Trust me,” Buck rubs his eyes, “you don’t know half of it.”

-

Eddie gets stitches. Tommy has a broken nose, but doesn’t need surgery, so eventually Buck has two idiots high in painkillers on each side of him that he feels responsible for. They are too high to remember why they are angry, so they just keep mumbling the other is stupid.

He's not sure what the fuck he did to deserve this, but he’s starting to think some random woman he slept with during his Buck 1.0 phase must have been a witch and he didn’t make her come or something, so she cursed him. It would make perfect sense.

The point is there’s no way in hell he can take care of them both at his place, but he still feels bad for Tommy getting punched in the face, so he decides to drop him off with Maddie until he’s not high and can go fuck off on his own.

So he shows up with two high idiots on his sister’s doorstep.

Truth be told, he’s been avoiding Maddie. She would make him try and process his feelings more than he feels capable of – and he wanted to deal this on his own. Besides, he knows she hates keeping things from Chimney, and he doesn’t want the guy to know. Chimney can’t keep a secret to save his life and Hen knowing is enough.

Although, everyone outside from Eddie seems to know already.

Maddie takes a single look at them and opens her door wide.

“Drop one off on the bed, the other on the couch, and you go to my kitchen now.”

Like he is twelve again, he follows her orders without a single reply.

-

She handles him a beer, and raises an eyebrow.

Buck talks.

-

“Did you have to do this when I can’t even get drunk on wine?”

She looks like she wants to drown herself in a bottle. He tries to shrink on himself, because he knows he fucked up. “I didn’t plan this, okay? I was going to talk to Eddie, but when Tommy showed up…”

“And they had a duel over your love and honor,” she mumbles, laughing.

Way too hard.

“Maddie! It’s not funny!”

She apologizes, but can’t contain her giggles. Buck ends up laughing too.

-

“You got to figure this out, by talking like an adult.”

“I know.”

“No more making stupid plans that make no sense.”

“I know.”

“But if you do, please text me. I need a good laugh.” He glares at her, but she keeps smiling wide. “Now go pick up Chris. And take Eddie. I can’t have my house be a fight ring.”

-

He's leaving with Eddie when he sees Chimney stepping out of the elevator. The guy is carrying a few grocery bags, and is clearly surprised to see him.

“Don’t ask,” he pleads.

Eddie, high as kite, keeps waving at Chimney.

Chimney just shakes his head as he goes towards his door.

But Buck's a little vindictive, so he smiles, steps inside the elevator with Eddie and just before the door closes he shouts “by the way, Tommy is in your bed because Maddie asked!”

Chimney screams a startled “what?” while Buck too waves goodbye. He’s pretty sure his brother-in-law is confused enough to forget Tommy is gay.

Now Maddie can deal with that.

-

Driving towards Peppa’s house, Eddie keeps looking at him like a kicked puppy.

“I’m sorry.”

Buck gives him a quick glance, before shaking his head. He’s too tired to have a conversation with a high Eddie, but still, he mumbles softly. “Do you even know what you’re sorry for?”

Eddie nods. “I’m sorry I left and now you want to move on from me.”

Yep, he figured Eddie wouldn’t understand shit. Specially in his current state.

“That’s not why I need to move on, and that’s not something you need to apologize for. Don’t stress about it right now, okay? We’ll talk when you’re not on very strong painkillers.”

“But I love talking to you.”

Buck heart breaks a little bit at that. “I love talking to you too, buddy.”

“Do you love me more than Tommy?”

“Jesus Christ,” Buck mumbles. He sighs. He doesn’t know how much of this Eddie will remember, but, either way, the answer is easy. “Of course I love you more, Eddie. You’re everything to me.”

Eddie pouts and whispers “not everything.”

He then crosses his arms and sulks staring out the window. A lot like Chris does now as a teenager. Buck is half tempted to take a photo for posterity, but the moment is too frail for that. A huge part of him wants to press Eddie for answers, but it would be a shitty move on his part and Buck has had enough of stupid ideas for now.

It's a shame.

Buck goes to Peppa’s door, and very expertly dodges the where is Eddie question, only pausing halfway to his car with Chris on his tow. He kind of has to give the kid a heads up, he’s just unsure of how to phrase things.

“So uh,” Buck scratches his neck and Chris stares up at him. Then Chris smiles.

“I don’t know what you’re about to say, but I’m guessing I’m going to find it funny.”

Buck glares a little at him. “Your dad got stitches on his chin and he’s… doozy on painkillers, so don’t ask him things because his head is a mess.”

Chris’ eyebrows jump very high for a teenager. He’s way too much like Eddie, he lets himself imagine how Eddie’s parents are reacting to that particular fact - he would pay good money to watch Chris bickering back at them.

“And why did he get stitches?”

Buck should have very much seen that question coming.

“Because he got a cut?”

“Wow, who would have thought?,” Chris sounds more judgmental. Texas is to blame here, he’s sure. Definitely that and not the Diaz genes. “And how did he get the cut?”

The million dollar question would be why the fuck did he fight Tommy, but he can’t answer Chris’ question either. He doesn’t know how Eddie is going to tackle that particular issue – Chris and his relationship is better, but getting into a fight is not the best look for Eddie.

Buck sighs, “you have to ask him that when he’s better.”

“Hm.”

Chris slides into the passenger seat carefully.

“Chris! Kid! I love you!”

A gigantic smile blossoms on the kid’s face and Buck heart tightens. He loves those two too much to remember is supposed to be angry at Eddie for getting himself in another fight.

“Oh, dad, I love you too.”

Eddie beams, slightly lopsided, and stares at his son with adoring eyes. “We should move back to LA. If you want! I know I want to, but I want you happy more than anything, kid.”

That seems to get Chris off guard. Buck knows they have been better, but there hadn’t been a big heart to heart about Texas vs LA. He knows things are still difficult between them, even if they are miles better than the day Chris left.

Buck knows it’s not the moment to talk about deep things, but he also can’t seem to know what to say, how to steer away from this conversation.

“Of course we can, dad.” Chris shakes his head. “You just have to promise me to never date someone who looks like mom again. Or hide stuff like that from me.”

Eddie looks like someone punched him (well, someone did) at those words. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was confused too. I missed her so much.”

Part of Buck wonders if he should stop the conversation. Eddie isn’t in the right mind to do it, but maybe that makes it easier for him – and Buck can fill him in the details later if he blanks. There’s something so precious about it, that he just holds his breath, waiting for Chris to speak.

“I forgot you lost her too, dad,” Chris whispers, looking thoughtful. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie shakes his head, clearly not wanting an apology.

Then Eddie just smiles and holds out his hand so Chris can grab on to him.

The rest of the drive it’s silent, but it’s the most at peace Buck has been in a few weeks.

-

It takes a few hours for Buck to fall asleep, but eventually the shift and the adrenaline of his mess of a night drain him of the last of his strength and he blacks out. It’s a deep, dreamless sleep, and waking up feels almost like a surprise. There’s noise in the kitchen, and Buck trips on his way there, expecting to see an hungry Chris looking for his orange juice.

Instead, he gets Eddie, rubbing his eyes tiredly, with a gauze barely holding on to the skin on his chin. He is staring at the coffee maker intently, as if frowning at it would make it work faster. Buck is flooded with warmth for the idiot.

“How’s your face?,” Buck asks, and Eddie doesn’t jump in surprise, but the line of his shoulders tense somewhat.

He turns slowly, a fake grin plastered on. “As pretty as always.”

Sometimes he really forgets he’s in love with an asshole.

“That I know. But how’s the pain?”

Eddie shrugs, unbothered. “I’ve had worse. Tommy’s right hook is weak.”

Buck snorts and shakes his head, but he really is surprised Eddie isn’t dancing around the issue. He thought maybe he would act like the fight never happened; that he just mysteriously got injured, and all that is messy doesn’t need to be said.

“Do you remember everything or did the drugs make anything fuzzy?”

Eddie makes him wait as he turns around and grabs a mug. He doesn’t face him again as he pours sugar. “I remember.”

“So you really are coming back?”

Eddie moves closer to him, clearly confused, his mug forgotten on the counter. He searches Buck's face, and Buck has no idea what is so strange about his question. It’s the thing he was mostly concerned.

He wants Eddie back at the house. At the 118. Present by his side. He doesn’t know why Eddie founds weird that’s his first question.

“After the shitty move I did last night, this is what you’ve been thinking?”

Buck shrugs. “Don’t get me wrong, we need to talk about everything that happened, man. But my main concerned is having you back here, yeah.”

He gets a head shake. And a incredulous laugh. Eddie’s eyes seem to sparkle. Buck feels butterflies in his stomach, because something seems to shift.

There’s a buzzing between then, something that has occurred a few times, but this time feels different, like it finally will snap and erupt. He wants to burst.

“You said last night that you needed to move on. What did that mean?,” Eddie steps closer.

Buck raises his chin, takes a step. “Why did you punch Tommy?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you two slept together?,” and they are chest to chest now, nearly touching.

“What did you mean when you said seeing me with man irritates you?”

Eddie stares at his eyes, searches for something for him there. Buck would give him anything.

“Back when I was in Texas, everyone kept assuming you were my partner.”

Buck frowns, confused. “But I am. Just because you left the 118---”

“Not work partner. Life partner. Not even boyfriend, people assumed you were my husband. And I kept trying to explain that no, you were just there for me, always. And yeah, we did stuff that was like dating, but we didn’t have sex. And yeah, you are in my will, but it’s not like that. And then my sisters asked me and what if it is exactly like that?"

Buck is pretty sure he has stopped breathing.

“I said I wasn’t gay, as soon as they said that. And then they pointed out you, Buck, didn’t know you liked men until recently. They asked me if I was sure I wasn’t ignoring that part of me.”

His heart beats loud in the silence that follows and he could swear Eddie can hear it too.

“And I started thinking about it. How would it be if I just… kissed you. If you and I---” Eddie gets so red, and Buck wants to eat him alive. “If you---if we… slept together. And I figured out I didn’t have an issue with that. That I---I really liked the idea. I don’t think I ever felt… like that.”

Buck’s mouth drops open. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Eddie keeps there, inches away, closer than ever. “And then you were acting weird. And I was freaking out, like you could tell from across the country that I was thinking about you----what I wanted to do. And then---”

Eddie sighs. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. When he looks at Buck again, his eyes are nearly sparkling. “You asked me why I punched Tommy. I did it because I was jealous. Because nobody could talk to you about sex like that. Like a cheap shot at me. Sex with you should be---” Eddie stares at Buck’s mouth again. “---way more special than that.”

Buck doesn’t miss another second, he closes the small gap between their mouths and kisses Eddie like he’s been dreaming about. He doesn’t think he can hold back his desperation, the kiss is almost rough, and their teeth clink together, but Buck just adjusts his head and goes to suck on Eddie’s tongue.

He thinks that maybe he’s in a coma again, dying in a hospital bed. But he’ll take it. He can’t leave this reality.

Then, the taste of blood reaches him and he realizes that oh, Eddie just had stitches on his lip. He rips himself away, guiltily, searching Eddie’s mouth to see if any of the stitches opened – but sees only a little bit of bleeding.

“Buck---you,” Buck stares at Eddie. “What do you want from me?”

He blinks. He thought that he was clear. But maybe he needs words too, even if he doesn’t want to talk.

“I was feeling like shit because you left,” Buck sighs, rubs his neck, shamefully, “I know you know that much. So I went out, drank, and kept talking about you. I ran into Tommy and we hooked up. And you know what he said the next morning? That maybe we could try again now that the competition was gone.”

Eddie starts smiling at that, smug as shit. Buck loves the sight.

“And I pretty much admitted to him that I loved you, but that we weren’t having sex. My only defense was that you weren’t gay. And Tommy knew, obviously, that if you were, I wouldn’t have an excuse. I would try to date you. I wouldn’t settle for anyone else if I had a shot of being with you.”

He feels Eddie’s fingers under his chin, lifting his head up. They lock eyes. “So I want to be your partner, Eddie, in every sense of the word.”

Buck would never admit, but the moment Eddie smiles at him and laughs, free, he starts thinking about engagement rings.

-

They kiss slowly, with Eddie refusing to stop even with his fucked up lip. When they hear Chris coming closer, they step away from each other as if electrocuted.

“Good morning, buddy,” Buck smiles wide, definitely way too cheery. He gets a suspicious look in return.

“When did you hurt your mouth?,” Chris asks, confused.

Buck frowns, touches his lips, and when he lifts his fingers up sees blood on them. Blood that 100% belongs to Eddie and not himself. “Oh! This? Uh… it’s ketchup!”

Chris frowns, but nods.

“And you two aren’t fighting anymore?”

Eddie shakes his head, quickly. “Nop. All good.”

He doesn’t know why, but Chris looks way more confused at that. They try to not act too happy, or weird, but it doesn’t really work. Chris asks if they are on drugs four times.

-

No one ever called Buck the smartest person in the room, and they shouldn’t. He thinks he’s so slick, that no one will be able to tell he’s riding on cloud 9, because Eddie likes him.

So he steps on the station practically floating, going for the coffee maker singing that catchy song from the new romantic comedy, when he hears “Oh my god, they finally fucked.”

He turns to look at Hen, “what?”

“You and Eddie!”

Chim spits out coffee on the table. “WHAT?”

“Thank god,” Ravi throws his hands up. “I don’t have to deal with pinning anymore.”

“We didn’t!”

They didn’t. Buck wants to woo Eddie. And there’s also the fact he will wait until Eddie has healed, so he can really enjoy without worrying about the guy’s mouth.

“But you finally figured it out,” Hen says, pointing an accusing finger towards him. Buck sputters, while Hen and Ravi high-five.

Chim looks around, “can someone tell me what’s going on?”

Buck sighs, defeated. It didn’t take five minutes.

“Eddie and I are dating. As of yesterday.”

Because someone is more obtuse than him, Chimney seems more lost than before.

“Hey, did you tell Eddie that my declaration was fake, right?,” Ravi asks smiling. Buck shakes his head and the smile slips. “Wait. No. You gotta. The guy is scary.”

“Nop.”

Ravi can sweat a little bit.

-

They seat Chris down two days later in the living room. The kid gives them a very tense look, before sighing.

“What did you do?”

“We. Uh. You go,” Eddie points at Buck.

Buck nearly falls out of the couch. “Me? No. You tell him.”

Chris narrows his eyes, and looks them up and down, worried. “Are you guys hurt?”

“No!,” they reply in unison.

Chris nods, calming down, but still suspicious. He focus on Eddie. “Are you dating someone who looks like mom?”

“I’m never doing that again,” Eddie mumbles.

At least Buck doesn’t feel like that was one of his fuck ups. Although he does look in sympathy towards Eddie.

“Are we having a talk about sex?”

He’s pretty sure Eddie chokes on his tongue.

“Do we need to…?” Buck asks, looking between Eddie and Chris.

“Hell no,” Eddie cuts him off, shaking his head and waving his hands.

Chris shrugs, “okay, then I really don’t know and you two are scaring me.”

“We… if you are okay with that, of course, we…” Eddie trails off, and gives Buck puppy eyes.

Okay, he has to be the one to spell it out here.

“We wanna date. Each other. Probably get married and all that someday.” Buck is clearly getting ahead of himself, but he can’t seem to stop. “But we won’t do that, if you’re not okay with it. Because we want you to be comfortable and we love you above anything.”

Chris stares at them, apparently waiting for them to add something else.

“Buddy… is that okay?,” Eddie asks quietly.

Then Chris starts laughing. “Is that it?”

They exchange looks. He’s not sure if he’s listening to it correctly. Eddie seems confused too.

“What do you mean?”

“Dad. Buck. I… I thought this was going to be a bad talk. This… well, I have been waiting for this for years. I kind of thought you two were dating sometimes, when I was younger.”

“You did?,” Buck chokes out.

Chris nods. “I had to watch both of you being jealous of each other. It was sad. And a little dumb.”

Schooled by a teenager. They are never living it down.

-

Their first official date is in a new bar, and they go to play darts as soon as they arrive. It’s pretty much flirting and posturing, which is clearly their own foreplay.

Every time Buck goes to take a sip of his beer, he keeps an insane amount of eye contact, that has Eddie laughing and shaking his head. It doesn’t take long for them to be close together, sides touching as they throw their darts, making stupid bets.

“If I get a bull's-eye on this one, you give me a kiss.”

Eddie pretends to think it over. “And if you don’t?”

Buck smiles, bates his eyelashes in the most ridiculous way he can. “Then I have to give you a kiss, obviously.”

Eddie laughs, and Buck is pulling him for a kiss anyway, enjoying the feeling of the man’s laughter against his mouth, when someone clears their throats. He turns to see Tommy, with his eyebrows raised, bemused, a few steps away from them.

“I told you.”

Buck nods, resisting the urge to smile when he feels Eddie circling his arms around him, very possessively. “You did.”

Tommy nods, then shrugs. “I think you two really deserve each other.”

Buck frowns, uncertain, if that was meant as an insult or a compliment. Eddie smirks next to him and steps a bit forward. “And don’t you ever forget that.”

Tommy rolls his eyes at the alpha male display, and Buck should be annoyed, but for some reason, Eddie’s display of jealously is actually kind of hot. So he just stands there as Tommy leaves, laughing at something (probably at them), and Buck turns to his boyfriend.

“Possessive much?”

Eddie has de decency of looking slightly ashamed. “He stole you from me… for a little while. I’m still mad about that.”

“Eddie,” Buck laughs. “You sort of has him to thank for us getting here. He was the one that made me realize I was bi. He was the one that pointed out I was into you. And, he was the one that made you act insane enough to declare your feelings.”

Eddie sighs.

“Fine, I’ll invite him to our wedding and give him a special thanks.”

Buck narrows his eyes, “you just want to throw it in his face.”

Eddie gives him his best faux offended look.

“I would never,” he says, grabbing Buck for a kiss. “I’m so much more emotionally mature than that.”

Buck laughs and pretends not to write wedding vows in his head when they aren’t even engaged yet. But he knows, like Bobby said, that he doesn’t need to worry. He and Eddie just are.