Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She had slept in, again. She didn’t like sleeping in, she had work to do, even if walking was almost impossible for her nowadays. Clementine was glad AJ and Rosie got her hat back. It was not only the one thing she had left of the world before it went to shit, but it had been with her through everything. Since meeting Lee, and then Luke, meeting back with Kenny, AJ being born, then David and Javi, Gabe and Kate, until being with AJ alone in the road and meeting Ericson’s kids. Every single encounter had something bad happening, and that cap was with her every time.

Things were different now. She had a room to come back to, people she loved, a kid, a boy who meant the world for her. But still there were times she felt useless. Clementine was unable to do half the things she did before getting bit. If she didn’t have the school, she would’ve died in a day or two.

She grabbed her crutches that were always at her reach, drank the coffee AJ left at her bedside table, which was now cold and headed outside.

Clementine was a slow walker now, and made more noise than she did before because of the wood hitting the ground. The inside of the school was usually quiet, if Louis wasn’t playing the piano, which he didn’t do much anymore. Not since that night at the party, before Tenn died.

Louis was the one who felt most guilty about his death, constantly wishing the walkers had grabbed him instead of the little boy, or that in the best scenario, they both came back. He also couldn’t bear to look at where Clementine’s leg was supposed to be, he believed that if he hadn’t climbed past that fence, she wouldn’t have been bitten. He wishes he had been stronger in order to not need saving when the raiders attacked, like that, maybe Clem could’ve saved Violet instead of him and she wouldn’t be blind.

He was unable to talk this with Clementine. Not because he didn’t trust her, or that she wouldn’t understand, but because the last thing he wanted to be was a burden.

Everyone was minding their own business outside. AJ was on lookout, Omar was making dinner with the help of Violet, Ruby and Aasim were heading to the greenhouse, Willy was making some new weapons. The only one out of sight was Louis.

“Sorry guys, have you seen Louis?” asked Clementine to the ones closest to her. 

She couldn’t bring herself to go down the stairs only to not find the boy with dreads. Stairs became a big challenge for her, even with crutches.

“No Clem, sorry,” said Omar.

“He’s probably in Marlon’s office, but I know stairs are not your best friend. I could go get him for you, if you want,” offered Violet.

“It’s fine, I’ll go.”

Although it wouldn’t be an easy task for her, Clementine thought it’d be better for him that she was the one to find him in whatever state he was in.

They never put labels on what they had. A month ago, right before the raiders attacked,  Clementine had helped Louis to tune his piano and ended up confessing her feelings for him, and he confessed had the same ones, naming a song after the girl, they kissed for the first time in that music room, carved their initials in his piano with a heart around them. She was really happy to have him, and she knew he was too; Neither of them had someone like that before.

It wasn’t getting easier, going up or down the stairs, but she managed. 

When she got to Marlon’s office, Clementine took a deep breath trying to prepare for whatever was inside, and went in. The sight was sad. Louis and her had talked about how  he felt about Marlon, he did do horrible things, but he also kept them alive for nine years and was his best friend for way more than that. Louis was sitting in what was his friend’s bed with Rosie by his side. He was looking at a picture, perfectly framed. It was the only photo he had of Marlon, and it happened to be also the only one they had together. It was also obvious that he had been crying.

“Clem! I didn't see you there!” said Louis, cleaning his face and probably whipping away his tears. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s not like I got anything to do either way..” she said. “Are you okay, Lou? You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “I was thinking of taking this to my dorm, but at the same time I feel like it’s wrong. Not because I’m taking his belongings, but.. Ugh this might sound weird…”

“Just get it off your chest Lou.”

“I feel like it’s kind of his fault that you lost your leg.”

“Huh?” said Clementine, confused. She was expecting anything but that.

“I Know it sounds weird, but look: If he didn’t sell the twins to the raiders, Minnie she… she wouldn’t have turned like she did and cut your leg with that fucking axe, you would’ve been fast enough to cross that fence or even climb those rocks or.. Or..” his breathing started to become more heavy, and fast. He got like that sometimes, since the attack.

“Louis.. Calm down,” she said, approaching him and sitting by his side. “Breathe.”

It took a minute for him to calm down. It always did.

“Wanna go to the music room?”

“Yeah,” said Louis. “I think I need that right now.”

⋆.𐙚 ˚. ˙⟡.

Clementine loved watching Louis play, it made her feel peaceful. She never got many chances to be like this. The freckled boy was working on a new song, he always talked about how composing made him feel human, although Clem was not fully sure of what that meant.

He had shown her some songs he had worked with, throughout all those years in the apocalypse. And still, ‘Clementine’ was her favourite. It reminded her of that moment, when she first felt another one’s lips pressed to hers, and that that other person was Louis, the boy she loved, the one that made her feel things no other person could. She didn’t tell him that, yet. She didn’t think either of them was ready for that. However, it didn’t change how she felt.

“You know? I’ve never asked you if you had any hobbies! You know I have the piano and singing, but what about you?”

“I used to do soccer back in the day, but I didn’t really like it.”

“Well.. what about now? What makes you feel human?”

“Uhm.. I’m going to be honest with you, Lou, I have no fucking idea what that means.”

“Well, you know! What makes you feel alive! We’re all constantly thinking about survival, that we don’t get a chance to live properly,” explained the boy.

“I don’t know if I have something like that, I used to like driving, but it got a person I cared about killed and almost got me and AJ too so I’m not going with that.”

“It’s not like we’ve cars anyways.”

“Well uhm…”

She had nothing. Anything. At that very moment she realized she had only been surviving. Not living. Just nine years of surviving. 

“Climbing trees was my favourite thing, back before all this,” she chuckled. “I still remember my mom talking about how I should take more care of myself. I think that would be my thing.”

“Can you..?”

“No. Not like this. I got to do it again though, back when I was with Kenny.”

“Kenny?” he asked.

“He took care of me and AJ, since I was eleven, though I met him right at the start. He would’ve liked you.”

“Maybe we’ll find a way for you to do it again!”

“Yeah, I hope we do.”

He smiled at her, in a way only he could do. The helpless look in his eyes when Louis looked at Clementine was incredible. She wondered what she did to deserve him. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, grow old. Did she ever wanted to grow old? Yeah, before all this. Before Lee, before Kenny, Carley, Christa, Omid, Luke, Javi, Kate, Gabe, Ava, AJ, before everything. When she was just a tot she dreamed of being in highschool, having a cool job and growing old with the love of her life just as her parents were supposed to.

With Louis, everything felt like before, like she could be the person she grew out of for the sake of survival. Maybe, that’s what he meant with feeling alive, human.

“And.. I think..”

“Yes?”

“I think I also.. I think that you make me feel alive too, Louis.”

“Wha– Me? Wow.. I–”

“You don’t have to say anything about it, it’s just.. When I’m with you, I stop thinking about anything outside, I feel like everything is as it was before and–”

The girl was interrupted, it’s not like she cared. Louis had kissed her in such a soft and delicate way. He only did it that way when he needed to show Clementine that he was there for her, that he cared.

“You don’t need to explain anything,” he said as soon as he broke the kiss,  and held her hand. “You also make me feel alive.”

Chapter Text

Most days were calm, quiet. And since Clementine could get back on her feet, although it wasn’t exactly her feet, her and Louis could spend more time together.

While she was recovering, the freckled boy would occasionally visit her, sitting on AJ’s bed and they would just talk to each other. He had Ruby teaching him stuff about how to take care of her, changing bandages, and painkillers to be able to help Clem. 

Although she enjoyed the company of the boy, Clementine wanted to be able to walk beside him, have a proper dinner at the picnic tables. And all of that was brought back to her from the moment Willy and Aasim came across crutches while searching up abandoned places from the school.

Two days had passed since Louis and Clementine talked at the piano room alone. They didn’t get a chance like that again since then, and they knew it wouldn’t be soon. And that was, for no one’s surprise, because of AJ. Before the attack of the raiders, the little kid had become more and more independent. He was growing way too fast for Clementine’s liking, but after the attack? He hated being away from her. He had nearly lost his mom because they might not be related by blood, but that was her for him, his mother.

Louis didn’t care that AJ was always there when he was with Clem, he took any chance he got to be nice to the little guy. He felt so guilty when he got shot. If he saw earlier what Marlon had done, if he saw how Clementine could protect everything he cared about, maybe they wouldn’t have been ditched. He had chats with Clementine about how she had no idea what she was doing and always worried that maybe letting him shoot Lilly was not a good idea, that she wasn’t doing things right, which was stange for everyone, because everyone could see that she had, and is doing, an amazing job.

Louis would’ve liked to have someone like that. His parents loved each other, until he fucked everything up, but they never were close to their son. They never tried to understand him. Not his feelings nor his passions.

He tried his best to impress them, everytime. At school with his marks, the piano at home, the well behaviour, everything. And they still didn’t care much for him, not in a “you can always count on me if you ever wanna talk” way. 

The night Clementine and AJ came back to Ericson’s a month and a half ago, he had realised that the little dude was looking up at him. He must’ve never had someone like that. Clementine had mentioned that he didn’t get to meet either of his parents, that his dad died before the mother even gave birth. So he tried his best, he tried to be to AJ what his parents could never be to him.

Every night since Clem got bit, Tenn died, and he killed someone for the first time, he went on walks around the school before dawn. It gave him peace, a moment to think. But that night something was different, Louis had heard wood hitting the floor. Just as…

“Clem! What are you doing awake? It’s like.. I dunno? 3am?”

“AJ told me you were wandering again,” she said. “And I wanted a moment alone with you. To talk.”

“Talk? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah it is, it’s just… ugh.. I wanna spend time alone with you Lou.”

“You can’t resist me, can you? Must be the charm in me,” joked the boy.

“Oh shut up,” said the girl with a small chuckle. “Now help me with these would ya’? It’s exhausting walking with crutches.” 

“Oh yeah sure. C’mon let's sit on the stairs.”

Clementine grabbed his arm letting him carry most of her body weight. She didn’t mind him helping her, what bothered her was that she couldn’t help him. He was the one searching for the people in the caravan for two weeks, since the camp was drained by walkers just a day later Aasim found them, he was doing all the hard work, with only Aasim helping once in a while, or AJ, who is handful of course, but he is still a kid.

She couldn’t help but to feel worthless. God, even her 11-year-old self was more useful than her now. It was so frustrating, seeing all the things she could’ve been doing and she’s unable to do currently. 

“You are not useless, Clem. I know what you are thinking, and what you feel. It’s not true,” said Louis. It was almost as if he could read her mind. He was always good to read her.

“I can’t do half of what I did when I was eleven. I used to take care of perfectly capable adults, raised a kid, god, I was able to do so many things back then..”

Her eyes were starting to wet, holding back her tears. If she hadn’t been so careless…

“You saved this group’s life, and you still are doing. Even with your leg like that, you keep helping this group, and I’m sure you did the same for each one you were in.”

He made a pause.

“Look, Clem, I don’t know the things you were in. I barely know anything about your past, but whatever happened to you, although it must’ve been awful, it made you the strongest survivor in the whole world. I’m sure of that.”

She couldn’t resist anymore. She never cried, and if she did, it was never in front of people, not in front of AJ. Yet, she did in front of Louis.

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just-...”

“Shhh.. it’s okay. Everything will be okay.”

He embraced his arms around the girl. Who always showed herself tough, who always ended up making hard calls, the strong woman he knew, was showing him her weak side. Clementine returned the hug, holding him tightly and breaking down completely.

“You don’t always have to be strong. I understand you not wanting AJ to see you like this, but I really care about you, more than you can imagine. You can be whoever you want with me.”

“Thank you so much, Lou. I mean it. I’m just.. Not used to this.”

“It’s okay, we can work it out.”

She couldn’t say anything to him, nothing was enough to thank him for always being there for her. Except for.. But was it time? Maybe it was too soon. Fuck it, it was the end of the world. She met his eyes once again and said:

“I love you, Louis.”

The boy gave her a shocked look. He had expected everything but that. The boy with dreads wanted to say that for weeks now, but couldn’t bring himself to it. He didn’t think it was too soon for him but for her. For Louis, nothing felt “too soon” with the girl he loved. 

He for sure didn’t expect her to say it first.

“You don’t have to say anything, y’know? But it’s how I feel. How you make me feel.”

“No! I mean– god you just got me off guard..” he managed to say. “I love you back, Clementine. I mean it.” he added, as he saw her face.

He grabbed her face softly, staring at her. Clementine for sure was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. What did he do to deserve someone like her? Whatever it was, Louis was so grateful for it.

‧₊˚♪ 𝄞₊˚⊹

Louis had waited so much, to be able to say those words to her.

He fell for her from the moment he picked her up from that car near the train station. Ever since then, he fell for Clementine harder every day. Louis joked at lot about it at first, to Marlon, to Violet, even to Clementine herself, hoping that she’d call him off so he could forget about it, thinking that she would easily get tired of him.

It’s not that he wanted that anyways.

Clementine made him happy, happier that he has ever been.

He barely knew anything about her past, she was clearly so broken inside. Louis wanted to get to know her. He wanted to spend his whole life with Clementine. He could talk about her for hours and wouldn’t get bored, about how perfect she was, how her eyes shined every time she’d talk about something she liked, or how her face filled with pride every time AJ came across showing her how he learnt something new, or how she’d look at him whenever he took care of AJ.

He wanted to know every single thing about her, because he loved her. More than anything. 

⋆.𐙚 ˚. ˙⟡.

“Lou?”

He had zoned out staring at her.

“Ah– Sorry, what?”

“You zoned out.”

“Sorry I was just thinking..”

“Don’t worry, what were you thinking? About how you barely even know anything about me although we’ve been living together for over a month?”

“No, I was– Wait, what did you say?”

“You mentioned it earlier, you barely know anything about me and still manage to c– to love me.”

It was so weird saying it outloud. Clementine had known she loved Louis for a while now. Was it weird to have this feeling so soon? At a young age? Yes. Probably. For the old world it definitely was, but now, every week could be your last, so it didn’t really matter.

“I didn’t even notice I said that, sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s also true. I don’t talk much about my past, even AJ know little of it.”

“And why is that?” he was getting his chance, what he wanted to do, to know her better.

“I lost too many people, explaining my story to every single one just to lose them in a couple of months, or weeks, or days seemed pointless and a waste of time. But..” Louis held her hand, letting Clementine know he was there for her. “With you, with Ericson, it doesn’t feel like it always does. I don’t think I’m losing any of you soon.”

Louis gave her the softest smile, without saying a word, letting her talk, and listening attentively. Clementine never had that space, and as she just stated, was not likely to use it when she had it. And not letting go of him, she continued.

“I don’t think I’m ready to share everything, and I don’t wanna turn the mood sad because I’m genuinely so happy right now, like ‘I want today to last forever’ happy, because I was able to well, tell you that I love you and you told me you loved me back so uhm.. Yeah..” she avoided eye contact as she blushed a  bit while saying this. “I don’t think I ever told you anything about how I actually met Lilly?”

“No, you never did. By the way she talked to you during the attack and at the cell, I assume she was with your group when you were with this guy? Lee, was it?”

“Yeah.. yeah she was. I met Lee after three days living on my own at my tree house. I remember I thought about slamming a hammer on his head, but I didn’t. We drove off to a farm, where we met Kenny and his family. Kenny’s son was my first friend, my age at least. I miss him so much Lou, he was bitten a couple of months later, but by that time he was almost like a brother to me. Duck was his name.”

“Duck?”

  She giggled at his confusion “He was Kenneth Junior, but it was better to call him Duck. I teased him so much, it was so easy to do so, I used to put bugs on his pillow.” 

“Why is that not unlikely for you to do.. Like I can totally see the vision.” Clementine rolled her eyes at this, but still smiled.

“Well, we had to leave that farm and headed to Macon where we met a small group hidden in Lee’s parents’ drugstore. There were some cool people there, and that is where I met Lilly. She wasn’t a bitch at first, just a woman who cared for his sick dad, Larry. He was the real asshole. We managed to escape there, lost a man, Glenn took off, but the rest of us headed to a motor inn where I spent the first three or four months of all this shit. We then met up with some cannibal assholes..”

“Wait.. Cannibals?!”

“Yeah. They were not part of the group and no I didn’t eat any human meat. The point is, that before that the things in the group were tense. Lilly and Kenny wouldn’t stop arguing about leaving the motel because we had a food situation.. And those folks couldn’t be mature enough for the situation. The cannibals fucked us up of course, tried to use us as their food, locked us up and that’s where Larry had a heart attack. We were locked with him, and he was about to turn. Let’s just say, we wouldn't have been able to fight him off if he turned.”

“Oh my god… and what did you do?”

“I did nothing. I was eight years old, and I was not like AJ, I knew nothing, I was kind of useless back then. Lee tried to use CPR with Larry, but I now know that that wouldn't have worked. Kenny smashed his head.”

“Goddamn..”

“Some bitches raided our camp a month later I think because a stupid guy in our group tried to make a deal with him, Duck got bitten during the raid. We had to get into an RV and escape the place. That’s when the whole thing went to shit. Lilly went crazy, they were all having an argument outside the RV and I saw Lilly pulling a gun out of her pocket and before I could say anything, she shot Carley. She was like a mother to me back then, I’m pretty sure her and Lee liked each other.. I was so pissed, Lou, really. Before that I liked Lilly, everyone was mad at her because she had to handle the food situation for ten people and there was barely any, and then her stupid dad died. You know? She used to take so much care of me, see these ponytails? She was the one that gave them to me, for sleeping.”

“To think that just a month ago she pointed a gun at you, and tried to kill you several times… God, I can’t believe how you must’ve felt..”

“I’ve been through worse. Anyways, this will also answer your question. Remember that card game we played with Violet and Marlon?”

“Of course! How could I forget?”

“Well, the answer to your last question was that I had to shoot someone, remember? Well.. We then got to a train where Lee taught me to shoot, cut my hair, and we planned to search for my parents in Savannah. Duck was about to turn so we made a stop to bury him and stuff and well, get rid of the brain.. And Kenny he.. Katja was his wife, she out an end to herself, and then his son got shot by Lee, because he believed that no parent had to do something like that. Katja gave up and Duck got out of his misery. Kenny lost it. I began to lose it too. I was talking to a stranger for a while..”

“Stranger? How?” interrupted Louis.

“I had a working walkie talkie with brand new batteries and this guy got in contact with me, and was messing up my head so bad, telling me my parents were alive and that he was with them. I was so foolish.. I regret talking with him every single day of my life. It drew Lee and me apart, because he knew I was putting myself in danger and my stupid ass didn’t. I later got kidnapped and Lee got bitten. A couple of hours later he found me, and he was fighting him off but he cutted of his arm and was clearly turning. I now see it but back then I wouldn’t notice. He was on Lee, about to kill him and.. God.. I shot him.”

“My goodness.. Weren’t you like eight at the time? That must’ve been so hard for you, you were just a little kid…” the boy with dreads squeezed her hand.

“It had to be done. I.. It made me strong, for what came later.”

“What exactly ‘came later’?”

“When we got off to the street, I saw my parents dead. As walkers. Just an hour later, Lee asked me to shoot him. He couldn't even walk, his whole face was pale.. Nine years passed, and I still remember it as it was yesterday. I did as he asked. I shot him. ”

Her eyes started to get wet again. If she hadn’t been so reckless, so foolish.. Lee would’ve lived.

“Oh Clemm.. C’mere..” said Louis. He pulled her into a hug. A warm, sweet hug. Pressed her to his chest, knowing that the one thing she wanted was to hide her face so he wouldn’t have to see her cry. “Thank you for sharing this with me, Clem. It means a lot. And you know? Lee would’ve been so proud of who you are right now.”

She chuckled at this. “Yeah, I know.” said Clementine, pulling off the hug, whipping her tears and looking up to the boy in front of her, smiling.

“It’s almost dawn, do you want me to help you get to your room?”

“That’d be great, Lou, thanks,” he made such a stupid smile at this. He loved to help Clem.

They got off the stairs and slowly headed to the room AJ was already sleeping in. She left her crutches as Louis helped her to get on her bed. He kissed Clementine’s forehead and blew out the candle next to her bunk.

As he was about to leave, Clem called his name. 

“Louis.”

“Yeah?”

“Uhm.. Could you maybe… Stay? For the night? I know it sounds childish and stupid but–”

“No, it doesn’t. I’ll gladly spend the rest of the night here with you.” he said. “I just need to figure out where I’m gonna sleep..” Louis muttered that last bit.

However, the room was so quiet Clementine could hear.

“Maybe you can sleep here? On my bed? AJ does that sometimes, when he feels uneasy or sad. Don’t tell him I said that though..”

Louis’ whole face went red, he tried to play it cool but his face sold him completely. Clementine wanted to share a bed with him?  How could he say no?

“Yeah, sure thing.”

He took off his coat leaving it on the chair across the room and got into Clementine’s bed. Was she his girlfriend? They hadn’t talked about labels yet, did they need them? Was something it needed to be asked or was just stated the last ten times they kissed?

Louis settled into the bed right next to Clementine, as she moved a bit leaving room for him.

When he was by her side, Clem placed her head on his shoulder. Louis couldn’t help but to feel nervous. Yes they  were kind of dating, but he felt that sleeping in the same bed was so intimate. He couldn’t complain though. He loved this woman, he wanted to grow old with her. He had found a new reason to survive.

“Hey, Clem? Goodnight. I love you.”