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Chapter Text

Naruto woke up to the scent of apples and cinnamon covering the familiar smell of the hospital room. It wasn't the first time he found himself in this situation, and he very much doubted it would be the last, considering just how frequently he was attacked for seemingly no reason.

"I swear on the All-Mighty Log, it's like they actually want me to grow up to kill them all, like what the fuck…"

The boy, at only seven years old, could vividly remember being attacked by someone at least twenty different times. Drunk adults, sometimes ninja, would assault him for no reason; a few of those occasions ended with him being rushed into the hospital.

“Joined us in the land of leaving, Naruto-chan?”

“Makoto-san!”

The only medic-nin that was always good to him greeted him with a smile. He was the only person, other than the Hokage and the Ichiraku family, who was ever nice to Naruto. And he was so cool, too! He was a Jonin at seventeen, and he was a self-proclaimed battle medic.

Naruto had never seen him fight, but if he was as good at that as he was at healing, he had to be pretty strong. If Naruto hadn’t already decided he would become Hokage, becoming a medic-nin would be his dream.

“I’m glad to see you are feeling better, Naruto-chan,” Makoto-san signaled Naruto to lie back down and then put a green-glowing hand on his forehead. “Your injuries have also healed quite nicely, too! Ah, if only my team had your healing factor, or they at least weren’t so stupid.”

“Your back must hurt from having to carry your team,” Naruto said, mostly not joking.

Makoto-san nodded sagely. “At this pace, I’ll have so much practice that I will leave Lady Tsunade in the dust.”

Naruto tilted his head, not recognizing the name. “Lady Tsunade?”

Makoto-san’s smile grew, and an admiring glint shone in his eyes. “She is one of the Legendary Sannin, the three students of the Third Hokage, and the granddaughter of the First Hokage. Her healing skills are so powerful that she was able to heal hundreds of shinobi simultaneously during the war, and her strength was so great that she could topple mountains and destroy armies by herself with her bare fists. If she were here, I’m sure she would be considered to become the Fifth Hokage. Although… I heard that she's a drunk now, but still, a drunk that can flip mountains.”

That blew Naruto’s mind away. While he admired Makoto-san greatly, he had never thought that a medic-nin could become strong enough to be Hokage.

“Wait, with her bare fists?” Naruto knew ninjas could be incredibly powerful, some could be considered mighty, and even he had heard of ones that could claim similar feats, but he had never known of anyone who could do it with just their hands.

“Indeed! It’s not exaggerating, either. Thanks to her knowledge of medical Jutsu and her incredible chakra control, she managed to develop unmatched super strength. One of her punches could bring down the Hokage Monument in an instant.”

“Tell me more!” Naruto demanded excitedly.

Naruto would usually spend a few hours in a hospital bed before he was released, bored out of his mind. In this case, though, Makoto-san spent that time with him, regaling him with stories about the Slug Princess and how she single-handedly revolutionized the field of medicine, and then went to secure their victory during the Second Shinobi War.

________________

The next morning, Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet as Makoto-san disconnected the IV. The boy kept thinking about what he learned about Tsunade until he fell asleep, and even thought about what he knew of medic-nin’s like Makoto-san.

His hero had always been the Fourth Hokage, and he couldn’t see that changing any time soon, but perhaps, Naruto thought, there was space to admire and learn from someone else. Naruto knew he wanted to be Hokage, and for that, he needed to be strong enough to face any enemy and always achieve victory. But then, the thought of also being able to heal his comrades, to have the capacity to help people in other ways, was appealing as well. And being able to destroy mountains with his bare hands sounded awesome.

Naruto knew Medical Ninjutsu was supposed to be hard. Makoto-san remarked on it when he spoke about Tsunade’s abilities and how he compared them to his own, how much studying went into it: medic-nin knew the human body better than even most other ninjas did because they learned not only how to break it but also how to put it back together. A battle medic, like Tsunade or Makoto-san, was an expert in reaching both goals.

So yes, it was hard, but Naruto never backed out of a challenge.

“Makoto-san.”

The young healer looked curiously. “Yes, Naruto-chan?”

“I want to become a powerful battle medic like you and Lady Tsunade.” Makoto-san seemed surprised, but he was starting to smile too. “I’m gonna be the most powerful Hokage and the greatest healer ever; I want to surpass the Fourth Hokage and Lady Tsunade. Please, teach me.”

“Of course, Naruto-chan.”

______________________

The training didn’t start immediately. Makoto-san had needed close to a month to arrange things on his end before he would have the time to teach him. In the meantime, Naruto contented himself with trying to pay attention in the Academy.

Trying being the operative word.

The Academy had so far focused on ridiculous amounts of theoretical knowledge, with a few exercises that barely qualified as overrated PE, a few katas practices, and throwing-weapon practice that he just didn’t seem to manage properly, even after weeks of practicing. The teachers were also a bunch of self-entitled assholes who ignored or just plain yelled at him when he had done nothing wrong.

The kids were no better. All of them followed the adults’ example and either kept away from him or treated Naruto like crap.

But all those trials would amount to nothing since, finally, he was going to start training with an actual Jonin instead of those stupid Chunnin teachers! And someone who treated him like a person, too!

Naruto was currently sitting under a tree in an unused training ground, waiting for Makoto-san to arrive. Ten minutes had passed since he got there, and he was wondering what was keeping his new teacher.

“Good afternoon, Naruto-chan!”

Naruto jumped in surprise and looked up, gaping at the young Jonin as he dangled from a branch solely by his feet.

“Makoto-san!” Naruto exclaimed, darting forward when the man fell off the tree. He stopped short when the medic landed lightly on his feet, no sound even coming from the impact. “How did you do that?”

“A good start for our lessons, Naruto-chan,” the man sat down on the ground and motioned for Naruto to do the same. The blond had been hoping for a more physical lesson instead of a lecture, but relented when Makoto-san produced an enormous tray of takoyaki. “Has the Academy started to teach about chakra?”

“Um… A little, but I didn’t pay too much attention,” Naruto said sheepishly. He had tried, but the sensei, Iruka, was too boring for Naruto to pay attention.

To his relief, Makoto-san nodded commiseratingly while he chewed. “Ah, yes… Your sensei is Iruka, right? For such a prankster, he has become excessively dry-witted since he was promoted to Chunin,” the Jonin swallowed his food before he continued. “Chakra is the vital energy that everyone has. No chakra, no life. Generally speaking, ninjas combine the spiritual energy produced by the mind, Yin, and the vital energy produced by the body, Yang, to form the chakra required for our techniques. Of course, using Yin or Yang by themselves is very much possible and fundamental for techniques like Genjutsu and even some medical Ninjutsu. Are you following me so far?”

“Yes! You are much better at explaining things than Iruka-sensei!”

Makoto-san smirked playfully. “I’ll be sure to rub that on his face one day,” both of them grinned mischievously at that. “What I did before, sticking to the tree? That was me using chakra to achieve that. Now, accessing your chakra for the first time is fairly instinctual, but it usually takes everyone close to a week before they can find it inside themselves.”

“A week!? But that’s too long!” Naruto wanted to learn how to cure people and crush rocks quickly.

“Naruto,” the blond stopped when Makoto-san got serious. He still spoke softly, but sternly. “If nothing else, I want you to take two things out of everything I teach you; one, never skip the basics. You need to master them to be a truly effective Shinobi, especially if you are going to be a medic-nin.”

“Yes, Makoto-san,” Naruto said sullenly. He definitely didn’t like being scolded by someone he liked.

“And second…,” Makoto-san suddenly looked less serious and more mischievous. “Ninjas always cheat. Just make sure to use your judgment and don’t get caught. But don’t worry, you still have time to learn how.”

Naruto felt utterly lost by the sudden change, earning him a chuckle from his teacher.

“If someone has trouble accessing their chakra for the first time, it is common to emulate the feeling by injecting your chakra into someone until they find their own. We’re doing that, because I also don’t want to wait a whole week!”

_____________

The next week found Naruto in the training grounds again, this time beginning the first chakra control exercise that Makoto-san had instructed him to perform. So far, he hadn’t managed to make the stupid leaf stick to his forehead. He knew that after, he would be required to do physical exercises that made the ones he did at the Academy like a
pleasant stroll in the park.

Behind his gentle smile, Makoto-san saw a slave-driver demon.

Of course, he was also incredibly patient, and had already helped Naruto by correcting a few things Naruto had learned the supposed instructors at the Academy had taught him wrong.

According to Makoto-san, they would be focusing only on teaching Naruto chakra control, taijutsu, and weapons, along with dumping his brain full of all forms of theoretical knowledge he would need to become a medic-nin, though his methods were a lot more entertaining than the ones Naruto observed in the Academy. Biology, anatomy, chemistry, math, and they would even work on getting Naruto to be extremely proficient in working delicately with his hands… Medic-nins were easily walking science encyclopedias, and their work required very finely controlled precision.

Naruto would need extra work in the chakra control department, according to his teacher, since he apparently possessed gargantuan amounts of chakra. Makoto-san’s reserves were slightly above the average for even a Jonin, but Naruto seemed to have close to twice what the young man did.

However that worked.

Naruto let go of the leaf he was holding on his forehead, waiting for a few seconds… And the leaf didn’t fall.

“I did it!”

At least until he lost his focus.

__________________

Four years later…

Naruto dodged a punch directed at his head, twisting back slightly as he brought his hand up and caught the following kick. Instinctively, he pressed down with his fingers, frowning when instead of bones cracking, his opponent broke down into a liquid, revealing itself to be a water clone.

He didn’t get a chance to breathe when he noticed an enormous rock flying in his direction. Naruto didn’t even flinch, simply rearing his fist back, saturating his muscles and bones with chakra, and smashing it to bits a second later. He predicted the attack that would come after, and he switched himself with an All-Mighty Log.

Naruto prepared himself to continue, looking forward to continuing the combat, when he felt a cold edge press against the back of his neck. Sighing, Naruto conceded his defeat; perhaps if it were a fight to the death, he would press further, his abilities and style realistically allowing him to, but there was no point in a mere spar.

“Not bad, Naruto-chan. I had to take you a bit seriously near the end, but Genjutsu keeps being your greatest weakness.”

“Yes, yes, sensei.”

Naruto sat haphazardly on the ground. Practice spars were a daily occurrence since last year, but he had yet to get the better of his instructor. Oh, he had surprised him several times, but the Jonin was too fast, experienced, and flexible for it to ever amount to anything.

“Still, you progress every single day in basically all areas of your training. I wouldn’t be surprised if you managed to match a Jonin in a couple of years,” Makoto-san continued.

“But you still think I shouldn’t take the graduation exam early,” Naruto deadpanned.

“Whatever would you do that for?” Makoto-sensei asked in mock confusion.

“Sometimes I think you don’t believe I’m ready, dattebayo,” the blond complained.

The older man snorted. “Naruto-chan, if you weren’t, at the very least in theory, ready to take the Chunin exams, I would eat every single shoe in the village!”

“What does your kink have to do with anything?”

The Jonin’s eyebrow twitched, the only sign he was annoyed by the comment. “Naruto-chan, I don’t know of any Genin, except perhaps Might Gai’s students, and I mean all of them together, who could even come close to facing you fairly.”

“Then why shouldn’t I try for the exam yet?” Naruto demanded.

“A few reasons: One, training time. It would be greatly reduced, and Jonin-senseis usually get testy when their students have other instructors who are not from the student’s clan, and I'm not going to deal with their bitching.”

“Ok, fair.”

“Second, your class is full of clan heirs. They will be key players in a very short time, and you will need to have them on your side if you want to become Hokage and eventually instate the Uzumaki clan. You will need all the time available to befriend them and slash or traumatize them into supporting you.”

“That’s an excellent point, too.”

“Third, you are still working on your Insane Ninja Mask; the disturbingly precocious brat act works for now, but you still need to plan your evolution slash degeneration accordingly.”

“Saying slash is getting annoying.”

Makoto-san ignored him. “Reason D: You would have less time for your pranks, and that would be a waste. I love how frustrated everyone gets, especially Hokage-sama.”

“You really don’t like the old man, do you?”

“That’s inconsequential.”

“Sure,” Naruto conceded.

“And finally, Hinata and whoever your other crush is.”

“You aren’t pulling your punches, are you?”

The man shrugged. “I’m a ninja.”

And ninjas cheat, Naruto repeated in his head.

Chapter Text

Sparring day was one of Naruto's favorite days to screw with people. In the center of education, where children were supposed to be taught how to kill people in underhanded ways, the Academy's teachers were annoyingly strict about doing things in a certain manner… And that really was not Naruto's jam.

"What are you going to do today, Naruto-kun?"

The blond turned to his friend with a frown. "Well, Hinata-chan, my invaluable BFF, Queen of Ass-kicking, future taker of my penile virginity, wife, and mother of our children…" Despite Hinata's deadpan look, she couldn't stop the blush that spread all over her face. At least it was better than when she used to faint. "I really don't fucking know."

Each week for the last two years, Naruto had taken the initiative to screw something up while he was in class. He didn’t do it every day, and it certainly wasn’t always the same class. Some of them had been harmless enough:

Changing all the throwing knives in the school for ones that yelled "yeet" when they were thrown.

Swapping the history books with censored editions of Icha Icha Paradise.

Painting everyone's left sandal pink.

Moving the furniture two inches to the left and the whole Sage damned Academy three feet to the right. (How he did it was still a mystery.)

He even went so far as to eat a whole jar of mayonnaise. And no, he didn't change it for yogurt or ice cream, as some people had suspected.

Of course, the only thing they could conceivably blame him for was eating the mayo, but for all that they hated him, one couldn't get in trouble for eating a condiment. Everything else was done without leaving proof of his involvement.

The Academy wasn't the only place affected by Naruto's pranks. Everyone was afraid of being the next victim of the unknown, unpredictable, yet strangely benign prankster. Naruto hadn’t done anything harmful or permanent, though.

Yet.

Focusing on sparring wasn’t necessary either. The only person with the balls and the skills to actually face him in Taijutsu ever since Naruto started to figure out and develop his Tsunade-inspired superstrength fighting style, aside from Hinata, was Sasuke, and Naruto had yet to lose in the last year.

Not that Sasuke was weak, exactly. In terms of pure, actual skill in hand-to-hand combat, Naruto would say the Uchiha was better. Still, Naruto was very capable of tanking his hits when he didn’t want to dodge, faster than most strength-centered fighters, and Naruto only needed to flick Sasuke on the forehead to throw him out of the ring. His advantages were just plain unfair, which was exactly how he liked it.

“Does that mean you’re going to take the fights seriously?” Hinata asked.

Naruto snorted. “Nah. Unless they have me fight Mizuki. Bitch’s been giving me the eye, and it makes me want to snap his spine like a twig.”

—

Hinata, as a self-certified expert on reading Naruto, knew that her friend was serious. It was a side of him that seemed less blatantly obvious, but the blond was more bloodthirsty than any of their classmates could ever claim to be (even Sasuke, who was more vengeance-driven than anything). She knew that he had been desensitized by Nakamura-san’s training (“You’re training to be a combat medic. Taking lives in the bloodiest manner available is as important as pulling off miraculous healing techniques.”) And Naruto was both capable and willing.

To be fair, so was she. It had taken years, Naruto’s loud encouragement, and two sadists incentivizing Hinata, but she had come a long way from the person she had been. And granted, she was still a disappointment for her clan, but in a completely different direction.

"And that would get you in trouble," she reasoned.

"I can make it look like an accident," Naruto argued.

"Can you do it while everyone is observing you?"

That gave Naruto pause. "... Not yet."

"Uzumaki Naruto, to the ring!"

Hinata giggled a little when all the students turned pale. She knew the majority of them were hoping not to get picked to spar against the blond. Fortunately for them, plus Mizuki, Iruka stepped into the field.

—

As the only teacher who consistently showed respect towards Naruto, Iruka was also the only teacher who could spar against Naruto and not risk an injury. No other teacher would leave the ring without at least a dislocation, even if they somehow managed to win. Not that Naruto went easy against him, but he certainly didn't try anything more than pushing him out of the ring or pulling him into a wrestling hold.

Naruto stood in a ready pose. He usually began a fight defensively, but since he already knew what the Chunnin was capable of, the blond immediately moved to the offensive.

Naruto smirked when Iruka jumped back to evade his sweeping kick, knowing that Naruto would have capitalized on his airborne vulnerability if he had jumped high instead. Naruto remained crouched down, grinning when Iruka didn't follow with an attack.

Naruto stood up and tried a punch next. Iruka stepped into his guard, grabbing Naruto's wrist and, after pulling him in, the Chunnin tried to punch Naruto in the face. Naruto grabbed the hit, internally wincing at how close the teacher had been to connecting, and flipped Iruka over his head, making eye contact with the man. To his surprise, the teacher smiled and twisted as he flew, one foot landing just an inch away from the sparring circle's line, and he spun fast enough that Naruto wasn't able to react before he was kicked in the back.

The blond ignored the pain and reached back, trapping Iruka's leg with his fingers. In his position, he could easily dislocate the man's leg from the hip, but instead, he only fixed his grip and used as little strength as he could muster to throw his sensei out of bounds without really hurting him.

Naruto kept an eye on Iruka as he stood up, feeling his back already healing before it even had the chance to bruise. When Iruka just sent him a proud, if pained, smile, Naruto just grinned back at his favorite Academy sensei. (Makoto was his definite favorite, though.)

—

Naruto groaned in frustration when his clone ended up looking half dead. Give him a broken bone to fix, a boulder to destroy, or a wind bullet to spit, and he would do it, but for the life of him, he couldn't summon a single clone.

"Honestly, I expected that," Makoto-sensei mused out loud, earning himself a glare. "Don't look at me like that, Naruto-chan. The regular clone being out of your reach makes perfect sense."

"But why? You told me that my chakra control has gotten much better over the last couple of years. I know I'm using almost as little chakra as you do in your clones!"

The Jonin hummed, which Naruto knew meant he was thinking how to explain himself. "Alright, so… Chakra capacity is determined by two things: the countable amount of chakra and its potency. You already know that your chakra capacity is extremely high, to the point that if level were determined by it, you would be a low Kage-level at a minimum. But potency is determined by vitality and density. Think of it like fire; orange and blue fire both burn, but blue fire burns more."

"So my potency is too high for the Justu? How can I control that?" Naruto asked.

"You don't. See, your control wasn't good enough for Medical Ninjutsu before, although we fixed it and found ways around it as well. But the vitality in your chakra, as well as the amount, is bursting. That means your chakra has so much energy and life that it accelerates the healing process by several-fold, which is mostly great, although it can also be a double-edged sword. The issue is that the same vitality is too much for such a simple and delicate Jutsu as the regular Clones technique. And again, you can't really train the vitality in your chakra. You can neither build it up nor decrease it, at least not naturally. You are born with it."

Naruto frowned, able to follow the man after so many lessons. He also made his theory lectures somehow interesting."So the Clone Jutsu is out of my reach?"

"Other than creating over several hundreds or thousands of clones that can help share the amount of vitality in your obscenely abundant, potent, and dense chakra, yes, the regular Clone Jutsu, along with a very few other techniques, is definitely out of your reach," Makoto said, shrugging. That meant he didn't think it was a great issue. "By that same token, you're uniquely capable of techniques that are out of reach for a great majority of the Shinobi population, including myself."

"But the Academy requires me to know the Clone Jutsu to graduate!" Naruto reminded him.

The now twenty-one-year-old Jonin turned unusually serious. "If you ace every aspect of the exam and they still don't let you graduate because of the clone technique, you are allowed to go Zabuza on their asses. Still, I'll teach you a clone technique that will be a thousand times more useful, just in case. And if you still don't pass, I'll be having words with them."

"Violence or blackmail?" Naruto asked.

"Yes."

Chapter Text

Thankfully for the Ninja Academy, Naruto passed the graduation exam with flying colors. The blond ended up placing fifth in the written portion of the exam, and then consistently obtaining first place in all the other categories, with only Sasuke surpassing him in Shurikenjutsu, matching him in Genjutsu (as little as the Academy taught them), and Hinata his only equal in Taijutsu.

Naruto sported a huge grin when he was told he would be sharing the position of Rookie of the Year with Sasuke, seeing as each of their cumulative grades placed them equally in the class ranking. Hinata edged out the girls and even a majority of the boys in the class, earning the third position in the class by a small margin compared to Naruto and Sasuke, therefore getting her place as the Class Kunoichi. As he walked out of the building, though, he couldn't help but feel a bit upset when he saw all his classmates being congratulated by their families, but not having anyone to celebrate with himself.

Or so he thought.

"Naruto-chan," his mentor, appearing out of nowhere, caused Naruto almost to jump back, but once he realized who was in front of him, the blond glomped him instead.

"Makoto-sensei, I passed!"

Strong arms wrapped around him almost automatically, pulling him close. "Congratulations, Naruto-chan. I must say, though, I'm almost a bit disappointed we didn't have to pull a Zabuza."

"You're still going on with that joke?" someone else said.

Behind them stood Iruka. The Chunin sent Naruto a proud, congratulatory smile, but he was mainly addressing the Jonin.

"The joke is that you think it is a joke, 'Ruka-chan."

A tick appeared on Iruka's forehead. "I remember asking you to stop calling me that."

"You seemed to enjoy it last week when Anko and I…"

"Just stop it already!" Iruka interrupted, his face turning bright red.

"No, no, keep going, I want to hear that," Naruto pressed with a foxy smile.

"Naruto, you stop that, too!"

"But sensei, the tea!"

"I was going to invite you to eat some ramen to celebrate, but since you are being like this, I will go by myself!" Iruka said.

"Holy shit, no! I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto flailed his arms around dramatically.

"You ramen slut, have some dignity," Makoto accused, looking at him in mock disappointment.

Naruto adopted an uncharacteristically serious expression. "Ramen is better than dignity. Now, come on, ramen awaits!"

No response was heard from the two adults except for a yelp from Iruka as he and Makoto were pulled and dragged by the overpowered Genin.

—

That night, a certain traitorous Chunin tried to steal the Forbidden Scroll from the Hokage's Tower. He ended up being caught by the leader of the village and sent to the sweet mercies of the T&I department.

—

Patience was not Naruto's forte despite all of his rigorous training. The blond wasn't built for stillness. It was a characteristic that Makoto-sensei had helped him hone, though; Naruto was capable of remaining still and silent if he needed to, but his natural hyperactivity made it challenging, though it also was the perfect cover to make people underestimate him.

So, to assuage his boredom, Naruto turned to one of the few things that managed to focus his mind completely.

Pranking.

And Sakura was the perfect helper, too.

"Kunai," Naruto requested.

"Kunai," Sakura parroted, handing him the knife.

"Wire."

"Wire."

"Plastic chicken."

"Plastic chicken."

From his seat, Sasuke observed the duo impassively but with a growing pit of dread in his belly; the one student he had never consistently beaten and his most dangerous fangirl working together seemed like a match made in Hell. Naruto and Sakura got along like a house on fire, which was very traumatic for whoever became the target of their twisted interest.

No, Sasuke was not exaggerating. An assassination exercise showed how wicked they could be when they somehow got Shino screaming like a banshee in the first five minutes after starting. The bug user was never the same after that.

"Lubed frozen cucumber."

"Lubed frozen cucumber."

"Wrecking ball."

"Wrecking ball."

The last Uchiha silently gulped when he saw both objects, inwardly wondering which one would be more worrying: the cylindrical fruit or the several tons of steel ball that both the pinkette and the blond were lifting with no effort. There was no telling with those two.

Several progressively weird af™ minutes later, the classroom looked as if Naruto and Sakura hadn't booby-trapped it to Hell and back. And not a minute too soon, someone opened the door.

A light step landed on the plastic chicken on the floor just as a chalk eraser fell on top of gravity-defying silver hair.

If the man ever had anything to say about it, it was lost when a single kunai was shot from the left. He evaded it by sheer instinct and then looked to the right when the sound of a wire snapping drew his attention an instant later. From above, the wrecking ball swung down, the heavy metal rapidly gaining speed despite the short distance. The man's reaction was to dodge down into a crouch, letting the wrecking ball continue its arch, taking a good chunk of the wooden doorframe, followed by the door, and then continuing to destroy the window behind him.

Unfortunately for the man, the crouch meant slamming down on the suddenly-there-but-fortunately-well-lubed frozen cucumber.

—

Sitting up on the Academy's roof, Team 7 observed their new sensei with varying degrees of amusement or sympathy.

Okay, only Sasuke felt a modicum of sympathy.

The Jonin-sensei glared right back, his ass still stinging from pain, but his posture forcibly relaxed.

"I see that I have been assigned two brats and an emo." Sakura and Sasuke were ticked off, but Naruto was still smiling. "Alright, you three introduce yourselves; names, likes, dislikes, and future dreams."

"Why don't you give us an example? You're the one we know nothing about," Sakura asked.

"I do," Naruto said.

"Very well," the man accepted. "My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like a few things and don't like some others, currently including certain brats. My hobbies are none of your business, and my dreams for the future… I never thought about it."

"He probably likes kinky porn and wants to be pegged by a dominatrix," Naruto stage whispered, making Sakura gasp and blush and even earning a snort from Sasuke.

"You earned the next turn, you precocious little shit," Kakashi griped. He was already thinking about how to get his revenge later.

The blond shrugged. "Ok. I am Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen, gardening, playing pranks, Medical Ninjutsu –and Ninjutsu in general– and my beautiful Hinata-chan!" Kakashi perked up a little at the mention of Medical Ninjutsu. He wondered if the blond was capable of using it or if it was only a passing interest, but didn't express his question. "I hate the three minutes it takes for ramen to be ready, prudish hypocrites and stuck-up bastards. I want to be the strongest Shinobi and med-ninja in the world, even better than Lady Tsunade, and be the one to protect and heal the village as the greatest Hokage. Oh, and marry Hinata-chan and start a family, that's super important."

Kakashi blinked, trying to process the slight roller coaster that was Naruto introducing himself and feeling a headache coming on. After a second, he turned to Sakura.

"My name is Haruno Sakura. I like Medical Ninjutsu, too, and also Genjutsu, although I'm working hard on my Taijutsu as well. I like to read in my spare time. In the future, I want to be the Director of Konoha's hospital, and I will be one of Naruto's advisors when he becomes Hokage. I will also coerce –I mean!– convince this one…," she pointed to Sasuke. "... To marry me."

"So she and Naruto are besties, I guess? And she is still after Sasuke, but now she's going in another direction…,"Kakashi thought, giving his attention to his last prospective pupil.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don't like many things, and I hate a lot of others."

"He likes tomatoes and training and hates sweets and fangirls," Naruto interrupted to add.

The black-haired boy glared at him but didn't argue. "My dream… No, my goal is to restore my clan and kill a certain person."

Silence reigned for a second, only to be broken by Naruto.

"I still don't get what you see in him, Sakura. That totally made my dick go limp, believe it."

Sakura huffed, giving him an unimpressed glance. "First of all, Naruto, I really don't care to know about your penis. And I thought we agreed to disagree on the matter."

"It's ok; it belongs to Hinata anyway."

"Both of you stop it already," Kakashi spoke up, feeling the headache becoming a migraine. "Now, while all of you passed the Academy's test, you are still not officially Genin. You have one more test that will be administered by me, which will decide if you three become actual Genin. Oh, and the test only has a 33% passing rate."

The three teens looked at him with surprise and apprehension. Kakashi allowed himself a tap on the back for finally managing to catch them off guard.

For five seconds.

"Ok, that sounds like very inefficient bullshit. Sakura, please note that down. I'll be talking with the old man to see his reasoning for allowing this to be. If he can't or won't do anything about it, I'll be sure to fix the issue when I get the hat. Konoha's quality is the best, so our forces shouldn't be crippled in the next five to ten years, but that's no reason to disregard quantity."

"Right," the girl replied, writing in a small notebook she took out of Mallet Space.

"Are you… Are you discrediting the Hokage's leadership of the village?" Kakashi almost couldn't believe the nerve of the children in front of him.

Naruto gave him a strange look. "Don't be silly, Kakashi-san. I need to know everything my predecessors did or have done so I will be better than them when I get the hat. So what if I start a little early?"

Yes, that kid was going to be the death of him.

Chapter Text

Naruto wondered if any of his teammates had taken Kakashi's warning not to eat breakfast seriously. He absolutely didn't, of course; the blond even munched on a third energy bar as he closed in on the exact place they were supposed to meet after spending the last hour placing traps all over the place.

Naruto smiled when he saw Sakura and Sasuke. Each of them was reading a scroll, probably one of the Uchiha's on Genjutsu theory. The girl had been pestering Sasuke about it for months.

"Hello, thots!"

Sakura waved at him distractedly while Sasuke gave Naruto an annoyed glance.

"Do you have to act so crass?"

"Nope," Naruto winked at him and then sat down on Sakura's other side. "Did you guys eat?"

Sakura nodded. "A light breakfast, but better than an empty stomach."

Sasuke grunted but also gave an affirmative.

"Alright, cool. Then you guys should know that Kakashi is known in the corps for being chronically late, so I'll be taking a nap," Naruto informed them.

Naruto didn't see Sasuke and Sakura share a look, but they just shrugged and continued studying. Without further ado, Naruto closed his eyes and fell asleep promptly.

—

Naruto woke up when he heard the pop of a Body Flicker technique. Given that he didn't feel any threat, he guessed it was Kakashi.

The three Genin stood up and faced their to-be sensei, taking a moment to stretch their muscles.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura screamed.

"I'm sorry about that. I got lost on the road of life," Kakashi said, his one visible eye somehow making him look like he was smiling sheepishly.

"What about losing your life on the road next time you arrive late instead?" the pinkette murmured.

"My, you make it sound like you'll pass my exam if you are talking about a possible next time," the man teased.

"Tell us what it is and we'll be sure to prove her right," Sasuke challenged.

"Hell yeah! We're so going to kick your ass, Kakashi-sensei, believe it!"

The Jonin regarded them for a moment and shrugged.

"Alright, then. The exam is easy enough," he took out a couple of bells. "You have until noon to get these bells from me. The one who fails to get a bell fails the exam and doesn't get to eat lunch."

Kakashi waited for a moment, thinking that he would receive complaints from the youngsters, but blinked when they only glared at him. It was evident they had seen through that.

"That's a dirty trick, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said.

The man smiled, wondering which one exactly the girl meant; she would be correct anyway, of course. "Ninjas play dirty. By the way, you should come at me with the intent to kill if you plan to get somewhere," that comment usually made his past examinees nervous and hesitant, but these three looked a bit eager.

Kakashi had one second to wonder if he had made a mistake goading them so much, and then he was ducking down a volley of shuriken that actually came close to killing him. When he looked back up, Sasuke and Sakura had disappeared.

Naruto remained in front of him, though.

"How odd… You think you'll be able to confront me in the open like this? The Academy's reports describe you as some kind of combat genius, but perhaps they exaggerated," carelessly, Kakashi pulled out his favorite Icha-Icha book.

"Oh? What edition is that?" Naruto appeared in front of him faster than anything Kakashi had anticipated. And even when the blond seemed distracted by eyeing the book, Kakashi noticed him reaching for the bells.

The Jonin used his free hand to swiftly slap the young ninja with the back of his hand, flinging him several feet away. Kakashi flexed his fingers and glanced at his apandage, feeling as if he had hit a rock instead of a young teenager. Naruto almost crashed into a rock, but he used his hands to stop the impact and then flipped over it.

"I'm afraid you're a little young for this sort of literature, Naruto," Kakashi said, purposely sounding condescending.

Naruto shrugged with a smile. "I mean, when I pass this exam, I'll be a totally legal adult, right? And I live in the red-light district; sex isn't that much of a mystery."

"That is if you pass, though," the Jonin reminded him, ignoring the rest of what he had said for the moment, not wanting to delve into the argument that, in his book, freshly graduated Genin were still babies and what that implied about himself.

"No, I mean when I do pass."

To Kakashi's surprise, the boy lifted the rock, which turned out to have most of its mass buried and was less of a rock and more of a boulder, right off the ground, and flung it at Kakashi as if it were a mere water balloon.

The silver-haired man jumped to the side, but he wasn't given time to breathe before Naruto was on him again. Clued in by the last display of raw strength, Kakashi deflected the punch going to his face instead of blocking and countered by using the hand that still held his book.

Naruto wasn't able to dodge, getting hit fully in the face with the spine of the book, but Kakashi caught the glint in his eyes, and suddenly, the Genin was holding Kakashi's wrist in an iron grip. Before he could try to dislodge him, Naruto was flipping Kakashi over his head and slamming him into the ground.

Fortunately for the silver-haired Jonin, he managed to do a Substitution right on time.

Naruto stared at the splintered remains of the log, gave a short prayer, and looked at the prize he collected with a foxy grin. He wondered how long it would take Kakashi to notice that Naruto stole his book.

—

Kakashi sighed as he watched from a tree as the blond turned to run in the opposite direction from where he was located. He had to admit, if only to himself, that he had underestimated Naruto. He knew from the Academy's report that the boy was good, but he hadn't imagined that it would be to the extent of giving Kakashi a run for his money.

And sure, Kakashi wasn't going all out; that definitely wouldn't be fair, but he hadn't expected that he would be backed into a corner quite like that.

The report's notes on Naruto being strong now also made sense in a way different than what he expected then. Kakashi had thought that it meant that the blond Genin was skilled, not that he was Tsunade's second coming.

His train of thought was interrupted when his instincts screamed at him to get away, and he was only fast enough to jump just as an explosion destroyed the branch he was standing on.

"Explosive paper? I didn't hear or smell anything," Kakashi mused. "Ah, Genjutsu."

It was nothing for Kakashi to get rid of the illusion, and then his lone eye blinked in slight surprise when he saw a hail of Shuriken closing in on him.

He had to use a Substitution again to evade them, and then he looked up when two pairs of feet landed in front of him.

Sasuke and Sakura eyed him critically, each of them holding a weapon in their hands.

"These two are working together, eh? I wonder if they plan to leave Naruto out," that had happened before with some of the teams he had been assigned. Kakashi failed them, of course. "I guess you are taking the invitation to kill me seriously, but aren't you forgetting something?"

"That we shouldn't give the enemy breathing room? Don't worry, we have that one down," Sasuke said, throwing his Kunai to land right in front of Kakashi.

A snapping sound had Kakashi looking to the side, and then he was forced to jump back as two logs came swinging from each of his sides. A second snap had Kakashi jerking up in surprise as a new wave of throwing weapons came at him from all directions except the front, but even then, that exit was blocked when he saw Sasuke doing hand seals.

"A fire Jutsu?" Kakashi thought right before a fireball rushed to slam into him.

—

When the fire dispersed, Sasuke and Sakura were left examining the small crater that resulted from Sasuke's technique.

"No corpse," Sakura said with a frown.

Sasuke nodded. "He dodged, but where? Not above, behind, or sides, so where…?"

"Below!"

It happened too fast for the two of them to follow, but suddenly they were grabbed, and then they were flying back as an orange blur almost flashed in front of them.

A cataclysmic crash resounded in the training area as the ground exploded into fissures, big pieces of soil and rock flying all over the place.

Sasuke stared dumbfoundedly at the destruction.

"Holy shit, Naruto, what kind of Ninjutsu was that?" Sasuke asked out loud.

"Ninjutsu? Nah, man, that was the Boss letting loose in Taijutsu."

"Letting loose in Taijutsu?"

"Wait, why are there two of you? Who…," Sakura's questions brought Sasuke back to his senses, and he noticed that, indeed, there was more than one Naruto.

"We're Shadow Clones, duh," the blond closest to Sakura said.

"That's a Jonin-level technique…," one which the Last Uchiha was familiar with.

He had known that, despite Naruto's crude manners (it was hard growing up as an orphan, Sasuke knew that very well, even if not to the same degree, so he never begrudged Naruto for his lack of manners) and his generally off-putting, if sometimes amusingly so, behavior, Naruto was strong. It wasn't that the blond didn't struggle with things, as opposed to Sasuke's usual ease with everything, but he only had difficulty in very key areas and more than made up for them in others.

Naruto had far outstripped every achievement anybody in their class had ever gotten in Taijutsu. He was always too fast, too strong, and too tough for anyone. Not even class's Hyuga, who almost equally scared their peers, matched Naruto in pure close combat, and she was regularly able to beat Sasuke's ass in hand-to-hand.

It was humbling and frustrating to know that he would have to reevaluate what he thought he knew.

"Did you get him?" Sasuke asked, focusing on the important thing.

A different voice answered. "He didn't, but it was a good attempt."

Kakashi was walking toward them leisurely, looking for all intents like he hadn't almost been pulverized.

"Eh, we already got what we wanted, anyway," Naruto said with a foxy smile.

—

A chiming resonated around them, and Sasuke turned to Sakura, almost gaping in surprise when he saw her holding the bells with a smug smile.

Kakashi looked at the bells still hanging from his waist and then blinked in surprise when they popped into a cloud of smoke.

"Shadow Clones?" Kakashi muttered.

"Yep. Plus substitution and transformation. Gotta keep up the basics, right?" Naruto said, smiling widely. "Sakura was in on it from the start, but I didn't have time to tell Sasuke, but he was also trying to fry you like a burnt chicken nugget, so it all worked out."

"I see," the Jonin said plainly. "Well, I guess you only have to decide which one of you gets sent back to the Academy."

"Wrong! You either pass all of us or the book gets it," Naruto then produced the copy of Icha Icha that Kakashi tried to read at the beginning of their bout. The precious literary piece was covered in explosive papers.

"What!?" Kakashi reached into his pouch, quickly realizing that his book was indeed missing. "You wouldn't dare," he challenged. "You said you haven't read it!"

"I asked what edition it was. This is the one I borrowed from the old man, so I already read it months ago…" The explosive papers ignited.

"Ok, ok, fine, all of you pass!" Kakashi said in a panic. Naruto smiled and diffused the papers, throwing the book at Kakashi. "You monsters!"

"I mean, we worked together, so we had already passed, right?" Sakura mused out loud.

Sasuke perked up. "Shit, the goal was teamwork," he said, groaning at having fallen for the bait.

"It's fine, Sasuke-kun. Naruto didn't figure it out at first either. He just wanted to mess with Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said comfortingly.

"It doesn't make me feel better," the black-haired boy said, starting to walk away.

"You know, a bj might cheer him up," Naruto said over her shoulder.

Sakura glared at him. "Why do you have to be so gross?"

"Part of my charm," the blond said with a smile and a shrug.

"Perhaps you should go offer it to him instead," the girl said acidly.

"Ew, no, he's absolutely not my type. You can keep him to yourself."

Sakura shook her head but said nothing, just waving dismissively as she also left.

Naruto turned back to Kakashi, who had been cradling his book protectively all this time.

"Kakashi-sensei~," the blond sing-sang. His smile became positively mean when the man stiffened. "Don't worry, sensei, I wouldn't have blown it up."

Kakashi gave him an evil eye. "I don't believe you."

"Good."

Chapter Text

Iruka saw how a few ninjas were giving Kakashi a concerned look. To anyone else, the silver-haired Jonin looked as relaxed as always, but it was more obvious to their peers that he was stressed or anxious. It was written in the way he gripped his ever-present book or how he kept looking around.

"I wonder what the brat did to put Kakashi in such a state."

To his right, Anko was giving Kakashi a look that was less concerned and more amused than anything else. She wasn't the only one.

Behind her, massaging her shoulders, Makoto looked like the cat who ate the bird. Iruka valiantly tried ignoring the way his hands ran familiarly over her shoulders, but the smirk the medic sent his way told him he wasn't very successful.

"Naruto-chan threatened to dispose of his book, and he was technically successful. Plus, he rubbed salt on the wound. I believe Kakashi-san might require some time to overcome this trauma."

"So never, then," Anko declared. Makoto just shrugged, but before he could comment, the Hokage spoke.

"Let 's begin."

Immediately, the entirety of the ninjas turned their attention to their leader. The first few minutes passed by quickly, as was the custom. Ninja needed to be efficient, so meetings were rarely prolonged by more than twenty minutes, except for special circumstances.

Surprisingly, several of the newly formed teams passed their Genin exam. Four out of the first six already surpassed the regular margin of approval by a landslide, and they weren't even the ones composed of the Clan Heirs or the top of the class.

"Team Seven…," Kakashi began when it was his turn, and Iruka felt his stomach churning. Kakashi had never approved a single team. "They passed," he finally said with a sigh and a faux disinterested wave of his hand.

A wave of murmurs went around, but everyone quieted down promptly. Iruka let out a quiet, relieved breath.

"Indeed? Do tell us how your exam went," the Hokage requested with a smile.

With a second sigh, Kakashi closed his book. In a clipped tone, the Jonin recounted the entire thing. The only reason Iruka was not surprised by any of the Genin's exploits was that he had been teaching them – and had been constantly terrified by their breakneck growth.

"Are you sure that the boy wasn't using the Fox's chakra?" someone was brave enough to ask.

Kakashi was not the only one who glared at them. "Yes, I'm sure. I would have recognized it fairly well. Naruto was definitely using some form of strength augmentation technique on a high enough level that he could probably emulate some of Lady Tsunade's smaller feats."

"As his instructor for the last few years, I can corroborate that," Iruka added, getting everyone’s attention. "I have been observing an increase in Naruto's physical strength since last year, not taking into account his already impressive record. I have seen him uproot a small tree with his bare hands effortlessly, with no sign of the creature's chakra whatsoever."

"That still begs the question of how Naruto was able to learn or acquire such abilities," the Hokage said, stroking his beard in wonderment. "A recently graduated Genin with a strength capacity similar to my former student is not a joking matter. How has he gotten so powerful?"

"Holy shit, you don't know?" Makoto suddenly asked, drawing every eye in the room to him. "I have been working with Naruto-chan for almost six years now, I'm pretty sure I told you, Lord Hokage."

"You told me he wanted to learn medical Ninjutsu, and I knew that he would have to work extensively in chakra control. I even had my doubts that Naruto would be able to learn, considering his unique condition, but he achieved it anyway. What you didn't tell me was that you would have him work on a strength augmentation technique like Tsunade's," the Hokage said accusingly, sending the Jonin a hard stare.

"I remember saying that Naruto-chan wanted to learn and develop medical Ninjutsu similar to Lady Tsunade's, and her super strength is the result of that," Iruka had to give the young Jonin credit for his nerves, casually shrugging the unimpressed look from the most powerful person in the village. "I thought it was implied. My bad."

Lord Hokage stared at Makoto with incredulity.

"You don't see the problem with a Genin having access to such a dangerous technique? Naruto could potentially hurt someone if he were careless with it. He might very well be a time bomb," the Hokage scolded, looking far more severe than Iruka had ever seen him.

Without warning, Makoto's demeanor changed, going from nonchalant to something Iruka wasn't able to describe fully. "What's the difference, then? All things considered, Naruto-chan already was a time bomb,” at least half the room flinched at how flippant he was being then. "If anything, I just lengthened the fuse that everyone else was letting burn."

The tension in the room was almost palpable. Iruka had never seen anyone call out not only the Hokage but such a large number of Konoha's high-ranking ninjas, even if it was mildly tacit. Makoto didn't even look or sound hostile or even cold; he was calm and matter-of-fact as if he were reciting information from a textbook.

"We will table this discussion for now, but we will be having words later about what is acceptable to teach a prospective Genin," the Third declared.

"Of course, Lord Hokage," Makoto said. Iruka almost expected him to say something else, but sighed in relief when the man didn't.

—

Kakashi observed as his students sparred against each other with a slight degree of concern; his mask being the only thing that stopped anyone from noting when he winced.

The Genin were… Worryingly brutal. Not even his training fights with Gai when they were their age were quiet like the one he observed as he studied the kids’ abilities. Kakashi was almost worried for them, despite knowing that whatever they broke, it would be put back together by the time they were done.

It didn’t stop him from almost jumping when Naruto shattered a stone with a kick that had been meant for Sasuke’s ribs.

His concerns weren't alleviated, with Sasuke almost impaling Sakura’s eye with a kunai, only being stopped by the kunoichi’s quick reflexes when she grabbed his offending wrist.

He gasped when the shuriken Sakura had thrown at Naruto hit its target, which turned out to be a shadow clone.

Kakashi had been just about to intervene when Sasuke’s fireball hit Sakura full on, only to gape when their girl pushed through, serious burns and all, and jabbed Sasuke in the face, then proceeded to use the dazed boy as a mace in an attempt to hit Naruto. The blond followed by ripping Sasuke out of her hands after more than a dozen swings (the familiarity of which made Kakashi wonder how often the girl used people as blunt weapons), before overpowering her with Taijutsu. Sasuke, fortunately for Naruto, was no longer an issue by that point.

On one hand, his Genin were fucking scary. On the other hand, he could rub that on Gai’s face.

—

D-rank missions were… Tedious, to say the least. And not because of difficulty, as the uninformed would expect, but because of how utterly dull they were.

Their sensei didn't make things all that easier either, merely giving half-hearted encouragement that only incited murderous feelings inside Sakura. Even Sasuke agreed with her. The only one who looked unbothered was Naruto, even though the pinkette knew that wasn't the case.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty fucking pissed, believe it," Naruto had said once when Sakura asked, three weeks after the formation of their team. "But Makoto-sensei told me that we need a minimum amount of D-rank missions before we get something better. I'm happy I get to make my own money now, too, so I'll wait a bit before hassling Kakashi-sensei into taking a C-rank."

Sakura conceded the point and focused on her training for the next couple of weeks. Fortunately, she had convinced her teammates to let her practice her Genjutsu on them, which benefited all of them. Sasuke was adept at Genjutsu, although he seemingly didn’t want to develop it further at the moment. At the same time, Naruto was, by his admission, traumatized into recognizing and dispelling illusions, but not all that good at casting them.

She was also able to practice what little Medical Ninjutsu she could. Sakura wasn’t capable of much more than disinfecting and curing scratches, healing bruises, and alleviating symptoms of dizziness. Thankfully, that was enough for their last mission.

“Team 7 reporting, Lord Hokage,” Kakashi-sensei greeted cheerfully, placing a few scrolls in front of the head of the village. Iruka, who was at his side, took them instead. “All of today’s missions have been taken care of, including the capture of Tora. Since we still have time, we would like to request one more.”

Sakura was hoping they would finally get a good mission, something that would at least take them out of the village.

“Very well, then,” the Hokage conceded with a nod, pulling out some cards with information. “I have a house that needs to be painted, a request to buy groceries for an elderly couple, a few babysitting gigs…” The sound of a woman screaming the name of a very well-known and hated cat reached everyone’s ears. “And capturing Tora. Again.”

“What about Hell to the no,” Naruto snapped, his hip to the side, crossing his arms, and doing a sassy rotating movement with his head. “If I have to deal with another person glaring at me while I’m doing their chores for cheap, I swear –hear this, OK? It's important– I will slap a bitch, believe it. Give us a C-rank.”

“Naruto, that is not the way to speak to the Hokage,” Kakashi reprimanded, sounding thoroughly embarrassed. Sakura would normally agree, except Naruto was expressing her own opinion as well. And she feared she would get bitch-slapped.

“There is a reason we have Genin do these types of missions first, Naruto,” Sarutobi said patiently. “It helps establish the basis of teamwork that all of you will need when you start getting higher-ranked missions.”

“We already are kick-ass on teamwork. We have almost killed Kakashi-sensei a few of times, right, guys?”

At her side, Sasuke nodded with a smirk. Sakura thought he was probably thinking about how he was who had almost decapitated their sensei during their last training session.

“To be fair, I’m still not going anywhere near all-out with you lot, but I reckon you have been doing ok,” Kakashi conceded. He hummed for a few moments before shrugging. “I guess they are ready for a C-rank, after all.”

For some reason, everyone turned to look at Iruka for a moment. The Chunnin, feeling the attention, looked up from the scroll he was revising. “What?”

“I kind of expected you to protest, thinking that Team 7 might not be ready,” the Hokage said sheepishly. “They did just graduate.”

The Chunnin looked at the younger ninjas and snorted. “Most other teams? Sure. This bunch? Yeah, right.”

Everyone sweat-dropped.

“I’m glad we have your endorsement,” Kakashi said with an eye smile, internally grateful that he wasn’t the only one to think something was off about his Genin.

The Hokage hummed and appeared to come to a decision. “Very well, I shall assign you a C-rank mission tomorrow. For now, the Genin may go, rest, and prepare for tomorrow. Be sure to pack enough for at least a week."