Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Brandon

…Fuck

I think as I look down at the positive pregnancy test in my hand. I’ve been standing in my private bathroom for over 20 minutes processing this. It’s only been days since I had the huge fight with Nikolai and he evidently broke up with me.

Told me he never wanted to see me again. All that happened because I’m too broken to be with him. Guess he finally saw that.

But all that happened before this.

God what do I do?

Tick

Do I get rid of it?

Tick

if I had known I could get pregnant none of this would’ve happened.

Tick

Do I tell him?

Tick

He said he never wanted to see me again .

Tick

So he’ll hate me for getting pregnant.

Tick

I feel the black ink creeping in all around me,it’s suffocating, it’s everywhere, I need to get it out.

The feeling of my swiss army blade cutting through layers of skin gives me a sense of peace I couldn't get from anything else by the time I’m finished 20 more minutes have passed.

“Bran? Are you still going to the club with us?” I hear my twin, Landon, ask
Shit I forgot about agreeing to go out with him.

What excuse do I give about not drinking?

God, how long has it been?

I quickly put a bandage on my wrist then my watch. I look at myself in the mirror, brush my hair till it looks like nothing happened. One last quick check and I’m out the door and into the car we're taking.

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The club area was never my scene. All the intoxting, lustful, and awful different smells mixed into one was nauseating as is.

But now with the new, unexpected pregnancy, it’s unbearable. It's barely been 5 minutes and I’m ready to leave, I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m already gagging. I have to find an excuse to leave before they notice what's wrong. Not to mention they reek of alcohol already there have clearly either pre-game or got rather busy in the 5 minutes we’ve been here.

“Bran? What in the bloody hell is wrong with you?” I hear Remington ask me out of worry, of course. But he just put the attention of the table with my brother and cousins on me. Which I was trying to avoid.

“Just a bit nauseated,” I say with a forced smile. That is dropped when Remi gives me a shot of vodka?, “I don’t want to drink tonight” I say as I push back the drink.

“Come on, brother, what's the harm in a little alcohol?” My brother says as he shakes me in a playful manner. But it’s enough to make gag again

I have to get out of this club

“Brandon, are you sick?” Eli asks suddenly. I don’t want to worry my family but how else am I supposed to get out of this bloody club?

“I…think so” I pause for a moment “I’m going to call an uber home… Don’t worry” I direct to someone or all of them

As I go to get up, I’m stopped by Landon who’s checking my temperature “Stop I’ll be fine” I mumble to him as I get up and step out of the bar.

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The fresh air is a relief as I take a few steps away from the bar. Eventually all gagging and nausea hit me at once and I ducked into an alley to throw up my guts. That's how it feels at least.

“What the hell?” I feel paralyzed as I know who that voice belongs to. Although I want to ask him what he is doing I’m still paralyzed.

Standing at an awkward angle with everything being titled so I wouldn’t get a mess on my clothes. Now it’s downright embarrassing.

“Nikolai?” I ask hoping I’m wrong

I was correct.

Nikolai standing at his glory showing off all his tattoos, muscles, and bloodied knuckles? But the look in his eyes tells me somthings very wrong with him. As I open my mouth to ask him what he’s doing here. Nikolai closes the distance and traps me against the opposite wall putting his hand on my forehead.

Like he cares about me

“Nikolai get the hell off me!” I say louder hoping to intimidate him.

Instead he gets closer

Bloody hell

“Why the hell were you throwing up?” He says in an eerie calm voice, I’m not used too.

“Alcohol” I lie through my teeth.

“You don’t smell like it” Nikolai says as he moves his hand down to my chin, taking hold of it and moving my head side to side.

“Get off me, Nikolai” I say calmer this time. Before pushing him with enough force that should shove him off me but instead he puts all his body weight on mine.

We slide pathetically to the floor.

Is this good for the baby? Probably not

“Brandon” God I hate when he says my full name.

I deserve it though.

“Tell me the truth, why were you throwing up?”

I slightly make space between us not noticeably but enough to give me a bit of peace about the creature growing inside my body.

“Get the hell of me Nikolai.” I push him again but he doesn't budge “You said you never wanted to see me again so get off!” I don’t know why I’m so emotional right right now but he’s not helping in the slightest.

I want to cry

Tick

But i won't

“Brandon,don't test my patients and answer my fucking question.” Nikolai fucking commands and I almost obey if I wasn’t so selfish about not wanting him to hate me more.

I’m so fucking disgusting.

Tick

He’s going to think I’m trapping him.

Tick

Nikolai will hate me.

“Brandon.”

“I don’t have to answer anything.”

We stare at each other with so much tension a knife could cut through it.

“Nikolai!? Where are you?!” I think it was Jeremy calling for him I’m not sure though.

“Lotus flower, We’re not done I’ll find out what you’re hiding because your fucking mine.”

With that he left leaving me on the hard floor of the alleyway with lots of emotions to processes

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By the time I called and got in an uber I had lots of scabs all over my legs.

I’ll say I tripped.

I can’t get sloppy

Tick

Chapter Text

Nikolai

I didn’t mean to break up with my lotus flower. But I was on my high and was incredibly mad he wasn’t ready to go public with our relationship and moreover he was flirting with his damn classmates. But now that I’ve calmed down, mostly, I realize that I might’ve acted irrationally. Still doesn’t give his asshole classmate the right to talk to him even if it was for a group project, but I subside. And as much as I want to go public I have to wait for him to be comfortable.

Now I hadn’t expected him to block me everywhere including my number.

Nor did I think he would take me so seriously he started to change his schedule. Which I figured out after he missed his favorite coffee place.

With all this extra time I’ve unfortunately been given, I've used it to spend a lot of time at fight club beating people to the point they can’t stand.

Like I get sent home from how long I stay there.

Anyway I’ve started another high because my baby is avoiding me like the plague.

I just want to talk to him but he won’t let me.

What I’d do to take those words back.

But at last the past can’t change it, can only move forward.

Jeremy, bless his heart, told me we were going clubbing to forget whatever break up I had.

Like I could ever forget him.
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“Go have fun, don't stray too far, and call if anything happens.” Jeremy tells me like I’m some teen going to a club for the first time.

“Yeah, yeah me and Kolya will have a fantastic time” I say as I start to wander further into the bar hoping to find a hookup since Kolya is still being a dick (literally) and refusing to get on for anyone other than Brandon.

Wait, is that…?

I can’t believe my fucking eyes it’s Brandon fucking King at that table.

Of course I plan to approach if it wasn’t for the fact his family was at the table. Crowding him like he’s about to faint. He looks like he’s gagging. I don't think he’s noticed me but he looks to be having a hard time in this club. He probably has the flu or something.

And he’s leaving, of course I follow him out of the club.
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My baby is puking his guts up, avoiding me, he also seems weaker than usual, and refusing to answer any questions.

Fuck.

If fucking Jeremy hadn’t called me away I would’ve tackled him even more, brought him to our home, and forced the answer out his mouth.

“Where the fuck were you? I told you to stay near.” Jeremy tells me and I turn my head away from the car Brandon just got into.

Who’s car was that?

I turn to my best friend and ask him the question I have but in a situation he would understand. “Jeremy, what would you do if Cecily got sick, blocked you from her life, and changed her entire schedule just to avoid you?”

“I’d find out everything.” Jeremy says with all seriousness. And I know what I’m going to be doing till my lotus flower is back in my arms.

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And that’s how I ended up outside of the elite’s mansion the very next day at 3 in the morning walking around the edge of the property. To pass the time till 5 for his run but then again he’s been missing it lately, So I’m just waiting for my lotus flower.

Stopping at his window I gaze at it through a distance, obviously, and there I see my glorious king. Looking a bit pale and underweight? How sick is he? And why is he awake?, which would be odd since my baby has to run in two hours. But he seems to be talking to someone on the phone.

The fuck? Has he moved on already? With whom, His classmate?

Call me crazy but he’s mine, my lotus flower. And nobody touches what’s mine

So I picked up a rock and threw it at his damn window. Which made him jump and drop his phone as it had almost broken the window.

Good.

He picks up his phone and makes his way to the window where he looks surprised to find me.

I signal to him to come outside. He looks hesitant but sneaks his way out. After of course making sure no one would follow him.

“What the hell are you doing here, Nikolai?” is the first thing my prince charming says to me, once he finally meets me outside.

I match his energy, and pin to a nearby tree and whisper in his ear all sensual and shit “Have you moved on already, lotus flower?”.

“Answer me, Nikolai” he fucking commands me too. I swear if he wasn’t such a prick we could be doing something else.

God what turn on.

“You’ve been avoiding me so I came to see you. Now have you found another himbo Brandon?”
My baby looks at me with those eyes that tell me he’s rather uncomfortable. “You know you’ll never find anyone that’ll satisfy you like I did… I’ll fucking kill anyone who takes your attention away from me.” There’s a moment of silence before I ask again.

“Who were you talking to Brandon?”

Chapter Text

Brandon

After yesterday everything was a haze. It hit me that I’m growing a life and that I have to tell everyone eventually.

God why am I such a freak?

Tick

Landon wouldn't get pregnant because he’s normal

Tick

What will everyone think?

Tick

I’m an idiot for not thinking about this

Tick

Why did I just assume I didn’t have a womb?

Those thoughts keep hitting me harder and harder till I realize the bloody mess I’ve made inside my thighs.

Usually I would avoid going there but now that Nikolai told me he never wanted to see me again it won’t matter where I cut. As long as it’s out of sight then nobody will notice.

I hope it won’t scar.

Now that I feel more rational I have to tell someone I’m pregnant. I know myself and I know I can’t do this alone. Who do I tell?

It can’t be Landon, he'll freak out and fight Nikolai which will make him resent me even more. Glyn is finally happy with her life but she’s dating his fucking cousin so obvious Killian will find out and tell Nikolai. Same issue with Cecily. Ava is going through her own things. I won't burden her with my mistake. Any of my cousins will tell Landon, so that rules them out.

I could tell my parents but they’ll be disappointed in me for getting pregnant before even finishing college. Not to mention I’m not ready for their over protectiveness. So that rules them out. Maybe one of my friends that is outside of my family? Only one problem…

There’s barely none. I mean there’s Mia but that’s my brother’s girlfriend and Nikolai's sisters. But then again I hid her relationship from everyone so she’ll help me keep a secret. Right?
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How do I even start the text message? ‘Hey I’m pregnant and your brother is the father, did I mention I’m sleeping with your brother?’ I think she’ll have a heart attack from that but how else am I supposed to tell her.

But it’s 2:30 am, Landon is not at her place, and she’ll most likely be asleep so I won’t have to worry about her reply till the morning.

Mia 💖

Me: Hey I’m pregnant
Me: and the dad is your brother

Mia is calling

Before I could even finish texting the full messages she’s calling me which is the outcome I feared most.

She should be sleeping right now not awake

Tick

Shit.

I answer the phone by the third ring with much anxiety but how else am I supposed to feel? Being pregnant is horrible.

“Hey… isn't it a little late to be calling?” I say trying to sound normal. “Brandon what’s going on?” She cuts to chase incredibly fast. “Um… I’m having a baby?...I don’t know” it feels so good to finally tell someone even if she’s going through several emotions I assume. “Brandon, your baby daddy is my brother? I thought you were straight”

“Surprise? I’m pretty sure I’m gay” This has to be the worst coming out story. “Congratulations on coming out, but does my brother know about the bab-” There was a loud bang that scared the shit out of me and made me drop my phone.

I take a moment to calm myself down, before I pick up my phone again “I’ll call you back” I hang up before hearing her response.

As I approach the window I realize it’s just Nikolai. It's more of a relief than I care to admit.

He signals me to go outside
It’s probably a bad idea

I think to myself after confirming no one is awake as I leave the house.

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“Who were you talking to Brandon?”

Nikolai asks with barely contained fury. I go to push him off my body but instead he grabs my wrists and puts them above my head. “Fucking answer me” He tells me again.

What should I do?

Tick

Do I lie to him?

Tick

Do I tell him the truth?

Tick

Why is he even here?

“Brandon.” Nikolai saying my full name is enough to snap me out of my thoughts. I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy him saying that, much less in that tone.

“No one” I mumble as pathetically as I am right now “I fucking saw you talking to someone so tell me or you won’t like what I’ll do.” How long has he been stalking me?

I think Nikolai grows too impatience from my silence and pulls out his phone “What’s the fucker name?” “What?” I mumble “His fucking name”

“Nikolai…” I don’t know how bad his episode is but I hope he can stop this nonsense.

Nikolai puts his phone back in his pocket “Give me your phone” before I can even answer he’s already reaching towards it with his hand.

Am I getting weaker or is it the kid?

Nikolai stops once he hears someone.
“Bran?” I hear Remi call. I guess he also heard the window.

“Is it him?” I feel Nikolai growing more furious by the second “No one there’s no one” I say quickly trying to save Remi from getting a beating of his life. And everyone finding out about our relationship.

“You better not be lying, Brandon, or I’ll make you regret it for the rest of your life” With that final warning Nikolai gets on his Harley and vanishes. I have no doubt in my mind he plans on keeping his word.

I hope he only means my pretend relationship.

“Bran, there you are.” I have to test my reaction time since Remi put his hand on my shoulder before I noticed he was even moving. “Is everything okay? I would’ve checked it out but I didn’t want to get up”

“It was nothing” I say as I pat him on the shoulder “Let’s go get some sleep”

“Don’t have to tell me twice” and with that both Remi and myself end up in our rooms again.

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Doctor, I need to see a doctor.

I think the next morning as I throw up my entire breakfast.

Chapter Text

Nikolai

When I return to the Heathens mansion I expect everyone to be asleep or at the very least in their own room. As it’s so late at night.

So color me surprised when I see my little sister Mia sitting at the couch with the light on. Just watching the door like she was waiting for something or someone.

“Hey…is there something you need?” I ask her slowly, not sure of what she wants. “Kitchen, let’s talk in the Kitchen” Mia says slowly like she’s about to not start yelling which is odd since she almost never yells.

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I watch as Mia pours herself a cup of water filling it to the point only surface tension is stopping it from spilling. “So you have a reason to be up at this time?”

Mia doesn't even take a sip before she splashes it all over me. “Mia! What the hell!”

“You got Brandon Fucking King pregnant!! And you expect me not to be mad!! I mean seriously I get you're a sex addict and all but put on a condom!! And not to mention you guys have the worst way of announcing it!! I mean seriously did you approve that message?!! And here I thought you'd be mad I was sleeping with Landon King but obviously you're sleeping with the other one! I mean who else knows?!”

.

.

.

“What?”

What the hell was Mia talking about? She’s sleeping with that fucking bastard? And what the hell does she mean by my Bran being pregnant? My lotus flower is pregnant? He’d tell me right?

“...He didn’t tell you?” Mia asks after a long moment of silence before I hear a distant ping from her phone.

Mia reads the text message “Forget what I just told you”

“Mia let me see the damn message” I say trying to hold back from completely going off at her. She reluctantly hands me the phone which I rip the phone away.

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Bran 💙

Bran: Hey I’m pregnant
Bran: and the dad is your brother

You’re calling
Bran ended call

Bran: Hey don’t tell your brother
Bran: Do you know any clinics that don’t ask for information
Bran: Nevermind I’ll find one myself

He wouldn’t tell me? The other participant to make the thing.

I feel like I’m on autopilot when I send a message through Mia’s phone. She doesn’t even try to stop me, since I’m acting like a mad man.

Bran 💙

Bran: Hey I’m pregnant
Bran: and the dad is your brother

You’re calling
Bran ended call

Bran: Hey don’t tell your brother
Bran: Do you know any clinics that don’t ask for information
Bran: Nevermind I’ll find one myself

Me: come by the mansion
Me: and then we'll go together to xxx,xxx

Bran: Okay I’ll go by at 7

Mia looks guilty when I hand her the phone back. I would go off on her for dating Landon, but I’m going to be farther and aside from my lotus flower not telling me which hurts me more than any physical wound, I’m ecstatic, he’s never getting away from me. Still I need to address my sister’s horrible taste in men.

After I take a shower since the water was indeed very cold.

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When I get out of the shower, wearing more clothes than usual since I have to be decent for my lotus flower’s first appointment, there is still an hour and something left till my lotus flower will stop by and get the best surprise of his life.

Maybe I should lock him up? It’ll keep him safe.
I’ll have to get him a bodyguard. And a tracker.
Do I tell my parents now or later?
Dad might kill me.
What do I do about the fact he hid this from me?

My thoughts about our future together is interrupted by the sudden reminder my little sister is fucking Landon King, the down grade version of my lotus flower. I try to find Mia but it seems she’s back in her room.

I knock on her door “Go away” Mia yells at me “Open the door or I’ll tell everyone else” the door flies open and there is my sweet little sister looking pissed off. “What?” she says with so much a tone that tells me she doesn't want to talk about it.

“You’re fucking Landon King?” I asked her hoping she was just telling a really bad joke. “You’re fucking Brandon.” Well she’s not wrong. Usually I'd be a lot more mad but I can’t find it in myself to hate the bastard even more when I’m going to family to him soon.

We just stare at each other, of course I still want to punch my fist in his face but if my sister is happy then it’ll be fine-ish.

Plus for my lotus flower I’ll try to stand him for the very near future. “Do you like him or do you want me to take care of him?” “...I like him.” I feel bad for my sister being stuck with that narcissist. “Tell me if you change your mind.” With that I leave my sister alone and go wait for my lotus flower outside.
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After waiting for what feels to be forever, I finally see his car. Bran doesn’t seem to notice me at first since he takes out his phone to message Mia. I’m opening the driver's door before he finishes texting her.

He looks sick.

“N-Nikolai?” He says not comprehending what I’m doing here instead of my sister.

“Go to the other seat” I get him out of the driver's seat and walk him to the other side and place him there. Bran must be really shocked if he’s just letting me do this.

By the time I’m in the driver’s seat my baby finally snaps out of whatever trans he was in.

“Nikolai, what are you doing here?”
“Read your message, but you got my number confused.” Of course I’m pissed he didn’t tell me but told my sister instead. I haven’t forgotten about that part but now I won’t let him get away from communicating, which seems to be a skill he mastered. “Put on your seatbelt.”

“Nikolai… How much do you know?” He says tugging his hair back, I hate it when he does that. “Seatbelt” this time he listens.

“How much do you think?” If Brandon wants to keep a secret this big I’ll play the same game.

There’s a pause of silence “Look I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you before” I scoff at his words “You better not be hiding any more secrets or I swear I’ll lock you up.”

I’m not lying, of course, if he’s willing to hide something so big then I have no doubt he’ll hide other things.

Am I being too harsh?
He’s probably scared since everythings on the line.

I take his hand into mine “Baby, How do you feel?” I say in a gentle voice. In return he holds my hand tighter, shaking slightly. “Fine,” He says in a meek voice.

“Who else knows?” I have to ask.

“Mia.” Bran tells me and that brings me comfort knowing I wasn’t last. Still mad I wasn’t first.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.”

Chapter Text

Brandon

After Nikolai leaves, I assure Remi that everything was, and is safe. I send a quick text to Mia making sure she knows not to tell Nikolai. ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I was getting ready to go pick up Mia and head to whatever clinic she had said the day before. I feel myself getting worse by the day. There’s so much black ink around me no matter what I do it never goes away.

She was right. Why couldn’t I have been normal like Lan?

Tick

I’m brought back to earth by the ringing of my alarm indicating it’s around 6:30 and I should most likely get out of the elite's mansion and go to the heathens.

As I walk towards the exit I hear a familiar voice call out towards me.

"Hey Bran, where are you going so early?” It’s my younger sister, Glyn, she says it in a tired voice indicating she must've woken up not too long ago.

“I got plans with a friend” I reply to her, although it’s not a lie it’s not the whole truth either.

I mean I feel bad keeping a secret this big from my family but I don’t want them to get mad, worry, or disappointed in me.

Glyn must’ve been too tired to care about details since she had said to “Have fun”.

With that I’m out the door and into my car. Of course I’m going to have loads of fun in a run down doctor’s office while thinking about what to do. ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Shit

Nikolai Sokolov knows. He fucking knows.

He has to hate me. He has to, I kept the fact I’m pregnant with his child a secret for weeks.

There’s so much ink around me it’s suffocating. I feel like I’m drowning. I need to breathe but I can’t.

And yet he holds my hand like I’m a gift, irreplaceable, and so gently you could forget he works for the Russian mafia. But so contrary to how I hold his hand like he’s my lifeline right now.
The rest of the car ride is silent, which I’m thankful for, I don’t think I could handle speaking right now.
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I’m currently sitting on the doctor’s bed? I don’t know what it’s called.

Nikolai is standing next to me. He hasn’t let go of my hand once since the car.

At least he didn’t trick me with the few questions they would ask. Nikolai answered most of them for me.

My train of thoughts were interrupted when the door swung open and in came an older doctor, in a slightly dirty lab coat, and a tired expression.

He started with a “Hello I’m doctor Hamilton, what seems to be the problem?” very basic introduction.

There’s a silence that follows, I was hoping Niko would answer, He slightly nudges me and I hoped the ground would swallow me when I answered.

“I’m pregnant…” I mutter quietly and a bit ashamed. I look over at Nikolai and he’s smiling like an idiot.

“Are you sure? I mean I’m not saying I don’t trust you, It’s just extremely, extremely rare” I hope I’m wrong but everything’s too close to pregnancy to rule it out completely.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not wrong”

“How about you do a simple urine test? then, they’ll be no doubt” Doc. Hamilton hands me a cup and gives me directions to the bathroom.

I let go of Nikolai’s hand and head off into the sketchy bathroom.
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Disgusting.

Tick

Liar.

Tick

He hates you.

Tick

His life would be better without you.

Tick

I’m staring at myself in the mirror, the empty cup settled right next to the tabs of the water, I need to purge it.

The ink isn’t leaving no matter how much I try to get in control.

I’ve never cut myself in a public setting and as much as I want to for it to stay that way.

I need to purge it out of my disgusting body.

Before I know it my pants have dropped, along with my underwear, and I’m scratching at my recently closed scabs on the inside of my thighs.

More

Tick

It’s not enough

Tick

I’m not ready to be a father?

Tick

when I’m in control again. I realize the bloody mess that I call my thighs, the still empty cup, and the unbearable sting pain.

I quickly take a piss, wrap my things up in toilet paper hoping it’ll store the blood so no one notices, and wash my hands till there isn’t any blood left on them.

I take one last look at myself before I leave the bathroom.
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After I gave the urine to Doc. Hamilton leaves the room to go run tests. I’m left in awkward silence with Nikolai.

“So…” I make an awkward attempt to start a conversation.

“We’re going to be parents” Nikolai says in a calm voice, I don’t know whether he’s excited or mad.

“You can leave if you want, I’m not going to force you” What 19 year old would want to spend the rest of his life raising a child? And with me?

Nikolai stares at me for a few moments, almost looking hurt “What?”

“I know this all of a sudden but you're so young, you can walk out the door. I won’t chase you, you can forget about all of this.” My voice is shaky, I’m trembling, and a few stray tears leave me.

As much as I want him here, I have to acknowledge the fact he’s mostly doing this out of obligation and not because he wants to be here.

Nikolai takes a step till he’s in front of me. “Baby you're not getting rid of me, No matter what we both know we’ll end up together again. Don’t you ever suggest I leave ever again.” He tells me as he roughly wipes away my. The fury in his voice tells me to just nod my head. So I do.
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Doc. Hamilton returns to room after ten minutes. Nikolai is back at my side just as when we first entered.

“Congratulations, you're having a baby.” I feel my stomach sink. I already knew that but hearing it get confirmed is worse, what if the kid ends up broken like me?

“Thank you,” Nikolai says quietly. I can’t read him right now, everything is too much right now, the lights, the sound of blood rushing in my ears, and the ink again.

No matter what I do it keeps coming back faster and faster.

I feel like I’m losing my identity to the ink.

I don’t want it to ruin my entire life.

I need control over myself again like the past 8 years.

My self-loathing was interpreted by the shutting of the door. “Did you hear all that?” Who was talking? Was it important?

My silence must’ve answered his question “It’s alright, I got it.” And with that we finally leave the clinic.

I’m pretty sure we’re headed to the penthouse.

Chapter Text

Nikolai

I take Bran to the promised clinic. We get a room rather fast since we’re not the ideal patient.

Brandon takes the bed and I stand right next to him. My lotus flower is zooned out, he’s staring at nothing with a slow reaction time.

Then Doc. Hamilton, my family's personal doctor, and a man who’s about ready to quit his job because of me walks in.

What? I couldn’t let a random doctor handle my family’s well being. Brandon doesn’t need to know that though.

Dr. Hamilton gives an introduction, Bran finally admits he’s pregnant out loud, It makes me happier than any fight has made me.

He gave my Bran a cup, Instructions to the bathroom, and then it was just us two.
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“Seriously, Nikolai, you got a guy pregnant?” He told me immediately after Brandon was out of sight.

“What? It was an accident.” I argue back, it was the best accident to happen to me though I’m not sure about Bran though.

He gives me a judgmental look, I’m holding back the urge to punch him for looking at me like that.

“You do realize the massive target he’s going to have now, right?” Of course I know.

“I know.” I say softly.

There’s a tension in the air between us that only carries on as we wait for Brandon to return.

Is Bran dehydrated? He’s taking a lot of time.

“Have you told your parents yet?” Dr. Hamilton asks me and I tense at the question.

Seriously, how are they going to react to this? I never forgot the day my dad told me to go on the adventure but to wear condoms he might seriously kill me for this.

“…Maybe” I don’t offer any more information. And he knows not to push his luck.

After a few more minutes Brandon comes back into the room looking a bit distraught but still hot as hell.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

“You can leave if you want, I’m not going to force you” My lotus flower tells me.

I’m hurt that he thinks I’d walk out during his pregnancy. or that I’ll ever leave him.

To be fair I did break up with him a few weeks ago, but I’m a changed man. He’s mine. I’m not going anywhere now we’re stuck at the hip from now on.

Apparently he takes my silence as me thinking about it since he keeps going “I know this all of a sudden but you're so young, you can walk out the door. I won’t chase you, you can forget about all of this.”

So I tell him in the nicest way possible that he’s mine and the same way round

“Baby you're not getting rid of me, No matter what we both know we’ll end up together again. Don’t you ever suggest I leave ever again.”

I look at him, truly look at him. Bran looks tired, worried and scared. Pregnancy must be terrible for him.

Everything will work at the end I’ll
make sure of it.

Of course this when Doc. decides to come back into the room.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
“Congratulations, you're having a baby.” We already knew that but I still smile at the confirmation.

I look down at Brandon and well he’s back to being zooned. Obviously he’s taking all of this hard, I go to comfort him before that fuckass doctor continues to talk.

“Now there’s many risk to male pregnancy, since it only happens to 3% of males, the human body hasn’t gotten used to that yet, so some risk of male pregnancy are like higher miscarriage rates, more throwing up leading to have less nutrients in his body, intense migraines, less bladder control, and all the other normal pregnancy symptoms just… worse.” well shit, Brandon’s in for a hard time, I’ll be there for everything so that might help.

“I must circle back to the miscarriages, It’s deadly. Because male’s can’t give birth so they have to have a c-section, making a miscarriage deadly since it’ll most likely kill both the child and the father before they even reach a hospital.” I look back at Brandon who’s still zooned out. He’s disassociated for a while now, Guess the pregnancy is already taking a toll.

“Aside from all the negative stuff your currently 12 weeks out of 36 weeks so congratulations”

“That’s all I have to say take care” And he shuts the door, Brandon finally snaps out of it.

After a quick question, We’re out the door and into the car. Going back to the penthouse.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
The car ride back to the penthouse is quiet, Brandon holds my hand softly just as I do.

When we finally make it back to the penthouse Brandon is still all up in his head. He’s really shaken up. I feel bad but what can I do? Take care of him till he’s back on his feet right?

So I gave him a black T-shirt of mine, and some white shorts I found lying around. Told him to change into it so he could be more comfortable.

He was like a robot, didn’t speak, just nodded, and did it. I waited on the couch with one of those boring true crime documentaries he likes.

When my prince charming came back he sat down and we started the damn thing. It was going to be like normal. Just with some tension and worry.

Then I saw it. He’s bleeding, and not soft blood, I mean an amount enough to scare me to the bone. Shit what if a miscarriage kills my lotus flower?

I need to get him to a doctor. Immediately, Before I know it i’m standing up.

“What’s wrong?” He looks at me curiously like he doesn’t feel his miscarriage.

“You're going to die right now, you and the baby, both of you! We need to go to a hospital right now!” I’m stressing I can’t lose Brandon King. If I do, I don't know what I’m going to do.

I’m picking him up “Nikolai! put me down! I’m not miscarrying anything!” He’s delusional right now, maybe blood lost? I need to leave now I’m getting my keys as he starts…Hitting me?

“What the hell are you doing?!” I’m yelling at him. “Nikolai let me explain!” He tells me at the same level.

“What is there to explain?! You're miscarrying, simple!”

“It’s just a cut I got from shaving a little bit a go!”

I set him down on the nearest chair I find. The relief that surgeries through me is beyond incredible.

“I’ll put bandages on it for you” I whisper out, I don’t trust myself to say it with any more force.

I thought he was going to die. I couldn't live with myself if that happened. We’ll have to be buried together no matter who goes first.

“I can do it myself…” He doesn’t look me in the eyes when he says that, I shake my head, I have to do it to make sure he’s alright, make sure he’s alive, make sure he’s still breathing.

I don’t reply, I just carry him to the bathroom, Set him on the contour and I go looking for the first aid he bought because ‘You're so reckless.’

When I return I take off the shorts. a horrifying sight greets me. before I could even react Brandon’s pushing me away and he has the most emotions on his face I’ve seen in a while.

“Brandon, What the hell? Why are you cutting yourself?” I ask softly after crowding his space again this time I won’t let him push me off.

“Leave me alone, Nikolai!” He tried to push me again but I grabbed his wrist and under the watch I noticed a bandage.

No.

It’s the watch he said he cared so much about because his mother gave it to him.

Turns out it’s because of a darker reason.

I want to yell at him, ask him why, kill whatever hunts him so much he cuts himself.

“Nikolai! Let go of me!” He’s screaming like I’m murdering his family. Before I realized I’m hugging him so tight I couldn’t move. Much less Brandon.

“Why?” That’s all I can ask, That’s all I need to hear.

“Because I’m fucked up, Because I’m nothing but a burden, And I keep fucking up, I never stop fucking every thing up.” I hold tighter than I thought I could before.

How do I respond? Can I even respond?

After a few minutes of silence, I’m trying to keep myself from falling into another high and Bran’s sobs, I finally know what to do.

I cleaned up his inner thighs cuts that look brutally reopened, wrapped them in bandages, same goes for his wrist.

Then we’re in bed, I’m whispering quiet words of reassurance as Brandon continues to cry till he’s fast asleep

Chapter Text

Brandon

I couldn't tell you when we got into the car, or when we finally arrived at the penthouse. I could tell you the simple instructions Nikolai told me to do.

Change into some more comfortable clothes. I didn’t care what they were I just did it

As I was putting on my shorts I saw the blood soaked toilet paper sticking to my thighs. They itch, they feel bad, and are a bit painful to remove from my skin.

I didn’t rewrap my thighs with more toilet paper, it probably wouldn't show or be that noticeable anyway.
.
.
.
Shit Shit Shit

Are my current thoughts as Nikolai is carrying me, searching for something and yelling at me that I’m having a miscarriage.

“Nikolai! put me down! I’m not miscarrying anything!” That’s when I noticed the blood seeping through my shorts. My white shorts.

Nikolai doesn’t respond, instead he looks at me with worry and concern in his eyes. I need him to put me down.

He’s either going to find out in a hospital.

Tick.

Or now.

Tick.

I don’t want him to know.

I do what he’s incredibly famous for doing, hitting, “Nikolai! put me down! I’m not miscarrying anything!” I’m yelling at him.I hate the response I get in return “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Nikolai let me explain!” The truth isn’t something I’m willing to tell anyone, much less Nikolai. I need an excuse and fast.

“What is there to explain?! You're miscarrying, simple!” I forgot the absolute barbarian, who doesn’t like talking first. Is the father of my child. But that doesn’t matter right now.

I blurt out the first excuse that comes to my mind “It’s just a cut I got from shaving a little bit a go!” Shitty excuse, I know.

It seems to do the job, since he sets me down and breathes out a sigh of relief.

“I’ll put bandages on it for you” and there goes my peace. “I can do it myself…” I don’t look him in the eyes since the blank ink is creeping up all around me.

I can’t let him see that part of me.

Tick.

How would he react?

Tick.

He’ll most likely be disgusted.

Tick.

I can’t take care of myself and now have to take care of his child.

Tick.

The ink is trying to drown me. I need to purge it, but I can’t, Nikolai isn’t letting me go. Instead I find myself breathing deep, like all those commercials say to do, it’s not working.

What does snap me out of the ink for a moment, is the feeling of my shorts getting taken off. By none other than his truly Niko.

I can’t fucking let him see me like this. Those are my thoughts as I push him away, It was an incredibly dumb idea since he’s crowding my space even more now.

It’s too late.

Tick.

He’ll hate you.

Tick.

Nikolai deserves better than some freak.

Tick.

Everything is so overwhelming.

What will he think?

Tick.

I don’t want him to hate me.

Tick.

He’ll hate me.

Tick.

I’m not hurting only myself anymore.

“Brandon, What the hell? Why are you cutting yourself?”

Why the hell can’t he just leave me?

Find someone better, Someone who isn’t broken.

Someone who’s better than me.

“Leave me alone, Nikolai!” I’m pushing him away like I have been doing our entire relationship.

Instead he grabs my wrist, Nikolai pauses.

Why is my perfect facade getting ruined?

“Nikolai! Let go of me!” He has to hate me so much now, He has to.

“Why?” If he wants to know why, I’ll tell him, so he won’t be burned by me anymore.

“Because I’m fucked up, Because I’m nothing but a burden, And I keep fucking up, I never stop fucking every thing up.”

I don’t know when I had started crying but now that’s the only thing I can focus on. Nikolai holds me closer, it’s the opposite of what I thought was going to happen.

After what feels like forever, he starts pulling away.

This is the part where he leaves you for good.

Tick.

You should’ve known, it’s only pity.

Tick.

Nikolai hadn’t left my line of sight, but I need him closer.

I’m selfish even though I know he deserves better. I can't let him go.

Niko wraps up my wounds and takes me to bed. He holds me like I’ll run away.

My exhaustion catches up to me as he whispers words of reassurance.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
The next morning I woke to an empty bed, at 8 am instead of my old 5:30, and a pounding headache.

Should’ve known he was going to leave already.

Tick.

After a moment of looking at nothing, I hear my stomach rumble.

I get up slowly to go make something.

Nearing the kitchen I hear the last bits of Russian that none other than Nikolai had to be speaking “Папа, я отношусь к нему серьезно.”

Nikolai must’ve noticed me since he muttered something, hung up, and turned to me.

We stare at each other.

He’s only wearing sweatpants

How are we supposed to move on from yesterday?

I’m the first to break the silence “Do you want me to make breakfast?”

Nikolai shakes his head no. “Let’s go get something from that cafe you like.”

I’m walking back towards the bedroom when I call out “Let me get dressed.” I quickly changed into some old clothes I never bothered to take back to the elite’s mansion.
When I stepped out Nikolai had found a shirt from somewhere and was standing with his keys waiting.

“You ready?”

“Yeah”
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Nikolai did all the talking again and whenever they would look at me I’d smile and nod.

I didn’t want to eat at the cafe, but I also didn’t say anything opposed to eating in here.

But they gave us a booth, usually couples would sit on separate sides of it. But Nikolai is Nikolai so he crammed himself to sit on the same one as me.

If we were still hiding our relationship I would tell him to go sit at a different table.

Instead I can’t find it in me to care about if they know or don’t, so I let him.

“You know Helios is the sun god, but this guy Apollo takes the credit…” Nikolai is talking about more information about the Greek gods he’s found out recently.

It’s truly peaceful, we’re waiting for our order, Nikolai is filling up the silences, and I can touch him in public now.

I hope everything’s going to work out in the end.

The front door of the cafe jingles, I don’t check to see who’s there. But they call out to me.

“Bran?”

Chapter Text

Nikolai

I barely slept last night, I hate to admit it but I’m consumed by fear.

Usually I’d beat the shit out of the problem till it went away.

But I can’t, not with this.

I’m terrified I’m going to lose Brandon not to a revival mafias, but to himself.

Then there’s the kid, my child, It’s taking a toll on Brandon more than he will ever admit too.

My lotus flower is currently sleeping like a dead man, I feel myself slipping into another high.

I want to stay away from him, but I can’t, I’m never letting him go. Especially after today.

I need to call my dad, he’s always been there to steady me down.

Plus no time is better than 5 am, or for him it’ll be 12 am, to find out you're going to get a grandkid.

As soundlessly I can I slip out of our bed. Bran doesn’t even stir in his sleep.

After I make sure he’s breathing, I quickly go to the living room.

With my phone in hand I look for my dad’s number, I hesitate to call it.

He’s probably going to kill me for getting someone pregnant.

Whatever I press the call button and put the phone up to my ear.

It rings for a few seconds before he picks up. “Son? Why are you calling so late?”

I responded in Russian just in case my baby wakes up earlier and the conversation goes a lot worse than I hope “Эй, пап, не злись.” (Hey dad, don't get mad)

There’s a pause before he responds back in Russian “Какого черта ты сделал?” (What the hell did you do?)

“Помнишь, ты говорил, чтобы никто не забеременел?” (Remember when you said not to get anyone pregnant)

“Пожалуйста, скажи мне, что это не то, что я думаю.” (Please tell me it's not what I think it is)

I grin before answering “Поздравляю, отец - Брэндон Кинг. или хороший носитель моего ребенка.” (Congratulations, the father is Brandon King. or well the carrier of my kid.)

I think my dad is contemplating his life choices right now since he takes a minute to respond.

“От тебя парень забеременел? Что, чёрт возьми, случилось с постоянным использованием презервативов?!” (You got a guy pregnant? What the hell happened to always using condoms?!)

Before I could respond, He continues his yelling at me.

“Разве он не парень-близнец твоей сестры?! Что он на это скажет?! Я твоей матери расскажу!” (Isn't he your sister's boyfriend's identical twin?! What's he got to say about this?! I'm telling your mother!)

You see how well I know my dad. Complete freak out.

“Папа, расслабься, я почти уверен, что это тоже была случайность, и посмотри, каким замечательным я стал.” (Dad relax, I'm pretty sure I was an accident too and look how great I turned out.)

Again another pause, I think he’s taking the news great.

“Мне нужно выпить.” (I need a drink.)

“Папа, я к нему серьезно отношусь.” (Dad I'm serious about him.)

Right before I go on a dramatic spill about how much I love my lotus flower, marrying him, having more kids.

The man himself walks into the living room

I quickly mumble a quick bye to my father before turning to face him.

Even at his worst, my Bran looks beyond ethereal.

How’d I get someone so perfect? He truly lives to his name since he’s a charming prince.

Although he might think he’s beyond loving, I’ll never stop showering him with love. He’s having my kid.

My thoughts are interrupted by him asking “Do you want me to make breakfast?”

Usually I’d say ‘Yes, I'll eat anything you make.’ but after remembering our terrible time from yesterday. I don’t want him near any knives, or anything sharp for that matter.

Though I can’t say that out loud I think he’ll give me a 2 hour long rant or just start crying.

Instead I shake my head no “Let’s go get something from that cafe you like.”

Bran’s already walking back to the bedroom when he calls out “Let me get dressed.” He’s probably going to put on some polished british clothes.

Anyway I look around the penthouse and find a random T-shirt I hadn’t bothered to put back.

Bran’s taking his sweet old time so I take out my phone and message Jer.

Jer
Me: *dropped locations*
Me: Send people to remove all sharp objects

Jer: ???
Jer: Why??

I leave Jeremy on read. I know Brandon doesn’t want people knowing about his situation.

I know he’ll send people either way, He’ll just grill me on the reason. That’s a problem for later though.

My lotus flower shows up again. Man the things I’d do to him.

“You ready?”

“Yeah”

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I am doing all of the talking, again, while my lotus flower stands there looking pretty.

I don’t mind of course it’s just odd since he used to do all the talking since most british folks don’t like me.

Anyway I chose to eat inside of the cafe since Bran is usually outgoing, and likes being outdoors.

We were just talking about Greek mythology, till some asshole came inside the shop, and called my lotus flower.

It was that fucker Killian, and Glyndon. To be fair it was Glyn that called out to Brandon, Who for the most part wasn’t shoving me out of the seat.

Instead he sighed and waved to her “Hello, Glyn” Killian was just staring down my fucking neck with a smug expression as if he just won some game.

I was hoping they would walk out of the cafe but no, Brandon’s little sister just had to go in the opposite booth from us. In return Kill did the exact same thing.

“Hi Nikolai?” Glyn asked unsure since me and my baby hardly ever interact with each other in public.

I give her a flirtatious grin just to get under Killian’s skin “Hi Glyn…and Kill” I feel Brandon put his hand on my thigh and squeeze.

Is he getting jealous? Jesus I love him to bits

“So how long has this been a thing?” Kill asked, skipping a simple hello like the asshole he is.

I’m thinking of an excuse when all of the sudden my lotus flower says “A few months.”

What the hell? I didn’t know he was ready to go public yet! I’m not mad about it, obviously this is the best news I’ve had in a while.

“Congratulations! Bran I didn’t know you were gay, but I’m happy for you!” Glyndon says with a big grin. “Well that’s certainly a surprise, congratulations, to the both of you.” Kill said feigning surprise.

Brandon and Glyndon both started talking with one another, or more like she was talking and my lotus flower nodding along.

That fucker Killian on the other is giving me a smug look, I get the feeling everyone will know about my relationship before the end of the day. Just hope that swap called Landon doesn’t find out before we tell him.

Anyway they eventually gave us Bran and I’s food. It was an awkward moment since they, as in Killian and Glyndon, forgot to order, they quickly muttered goodbyes and left the table.

I got my food but right before I could start eating, my lotus flower whispered in my ear “I gotta go to the bathroom.” I get out of the booth so he can go.

Course I let him go to the bathroom by himself. I’m not crazy.

That was what I had told myself a whole 5 minutes and 38 seconds ago. I mean it doesn’t take that long to take a piss.

So now I’m opening the door to the men’s public bathroom and hear a terrible retching sound from a bathroom stall.

Guess that’s what my lotus flowers have been doing for the past 6 minutes and 12 seconds. Morning sickness, I’m a bit pissy since he didn’t tell me. Like we’re doing this together I’m here for the pretty and the bad.

I knock on the stall “Baby, let me in” at least he choose the largest one makes it a lot easier to cramp in there.

I hear a soft click and that’s how I know he opened it for me.

Chapter Text

Brandon

I’m happy to see Glyn. It's been a while since I last saw her. She was with her boyfriend Killian.

Of course I greet her “Hello, Glyn” Of course I noticed Killian I nod my head towards him, but I don’t think he notices since he’s burning holes through Nikolai.

“Hi Nikolai?” Glyn asks a bit unsure, I’ve kept our relationship a secret for a long time. It doesn’t matter now since in the very near future they’ll be a little King-Sokolov.

My name would go first right?

“Hi Glyn…and Kill” Nikolai fucking flirts with my damn Sister, It’s probably to get under his cousins skin. So I won’t let it bother me.

.

.

.

This whore, I swear to god if he keeps acting like this I’m going to lose my mind (even more).

What if I’m not good enough? Is that why he’s flirting with others?

Tick.

I only realize I started squeezing his thing when he looks at me and smiles. Like the cute asshole he is.

“So how long has this been a thing?” I used to wonder why my sister chose this one out of all her options. I still don’t know, but as long as she’s happy

I blurted out “A few months.” I wasn’t thinking, I was on autopilot. But it’s fine since it would have come out a few weeks later anyway.

Nikolai stares at me with big wide eyes, clearly shocked I was the one announcing our relationship not the other way around.

Shit.

Tick.

Was he not ready?
My sister Glyn, as supportive as ever, says “Congratulations! Bran I didn’t know you were gay, but I’m happy for you!” with a smile on her face.

Killian follows right after, clearly already knowing, “Well that’s certainly a surprise, congratulations, to the both of you.”

There’s a moment of silence before Glyn fills it up talking about her recent hiking trip. I just nod along not wanting to talk too much today.

It’s a bit odd when I noticed that Niko and Killian weren’t talking, just staring at each other.

When the food arrives, after what took longer than I thought it would, Glyn and Killian quickly take their leave. Muttering something.

I don’t notice that since the god awful smell of the food is consuming my entire mind. If there’s one thing I hate most about being pregnant it’s the constant nausea.

I try my best to ignore it as best as I can. But it’s way too strong. I need to go throw up, Nikolai looks so happy to eat his food.

It would be selfish of me to tell him ‘hey, I’m puking my guts wanna come with?’ So instead I choose the more dignified version.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Nikolai respondes a lot faster than I expected him to. Quickly getting out of the booth so I could go.

I feel so slow and sluggish, I’m convinced that this child is making me a lot weaker now.

When I get to the bathroom it’s a lot more run down and rather gross than I assumed it would be, I choose the largest stall just to have room.

.

.

.

Instead of throwing up like I was thinking was going to happen, I could only dry heave for some reason.

This is what I get for not eating yesterday.

Tick.

I would’ve thrown it up anyway.

I hear a knock from the door to the stall. I already know it’s Nikolai.

How long have I been in here? that he's looking for me. It takes me a minutes to reach the door of the stall I’m already reaching to unlock it when he says “Baby, let me in”

Did he not hear me practically drag myself up and open this damn door?

I unlock it and before I can even move to open it Nikolai is storming inside.

“Lotus flower? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” I’m torn between telling him to get out and to leave me alone, or crying into his arms.

I guess I take too long to answer as he’s already looking around the stall and relocking it. Before hugging me so tight I can’t around much

Then in a low whisper he says “C'mon you can tell me anything.”

“Morning sickness” I mumble out. It’s embarrassing to be in this situation. I shouldn't be saying this.

You know this isn’t normal right?

Tick.

I should be going through my regular routine, but Nikolai messed up my life. It’s fine, It’ll all work out in the end I hope.

I hear Nikolai say “Let’s go home”

“Don’t you want to eat your food?” I don’t want him to go hungry.

Niko looks at me like I’m being irrational. “Seriously baby? If it puts you at ease we can both eat now or later.”

I still feel bad about him not eating breakfast because of me, as he drags me through the restaurant.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

There’s a tension in the silence we have in the car. Niko, like always, is holding onto a part of my body, right now it’s my hand.

Except this time he’s squeezing harder than usual. I should ask him what’s wrong.

After a moment of hesitation, I finally asked “Niko, Is everything okay?”

“Brandon.” Why is he calling me by my full name? “Stop hiding from me. It pisses me the fuck off.”

He’s starting to hate me.

Tick.

I know it.

I wasn’t hiding, I was only thinking about what would make you comfortable. Is what I want to say to him. So instead I’ll say a nicer version to get him to calm down.

“I didn’t want to ruin your breakfast.” I say quietly enough just to be heard only by Nikolai.

There’s a long moment of silence before Nikolai, the madman, swerves off the main road and makes a rough stop in some random parking spot.

Before I know it he grabs the collar and pulls me towards him. I feel my seatbelt strain against me but I don’t say anything.

He speaks to me in a low, barely restrained voice. “Brandon King, stop running away from me. Tell me every fucking thing about you.”

I don’t answer him, I’m too shaken to say anything.

Nikolai seems to realize what he just did since he puts me back a lot more gently then when he took me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too…” He keeps apologizing, gently patting my thigh, eventually moving up towards where our child is.

Why did he get so mad? Is he on a high? What should I do?

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence.

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

When we made it back to the penthouse, Nikolai was still holding my hand. Tighter than before.

“Let’s take a nap, baby.” I usually don’t take naps during the day since it messes up my schedule, but I’ll take one today since I think Nikolai needs to rest after his little outburst.

“Okay…Do you want some fruit?” He skipped breakfast, I’m not letting him go to sleep before he eats something.

“As long as you have some.” I don’t want any incase I throw it up later, but Niko is determined to make me eat, I guess that makes two of us.

I make my way towards the kitchen with Nikolai right beside me. I chose a mango since it's a rather nice fruit.

Nikolai let’s go of my hand, I’m a little disappointed. But I have mango to peel.

I go to the knives drawer and there’s no Knives.

“Nikolai? Where’d all our knives go?”

Chapter Text

Nikolai

My lotus flower looks bad, still beautiful, but sickly bad. Did he get food poisoning? No, he hasn't eaten anything yet.

Instead I turn to ask him, “Lotus flower? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” I need to know.

Brandon looks like a deer caught in headlights, He just stares at me with eyes that look torn.

I could have sworn he was starting to walk backwards, to put space between us. Again.

Not happening, so I relock the stall, put myself in front of the door, and trap him in my arms. In response Bran buries himself into the ‘hug’.

I feel bad knowing he thinks I’m just being sweet and not, somewhat, trapping him. “C'mon you can tell me anything.” I lure him gently.

I really do want to be there for everything, but if he keeps running away then I’ll have to force him to stay put.

My baby is still hesitating to answer me, I’ll be patient, very patient.

.

.

.

I’ll try my best to be patient.

Finally I hear him mumble out “Morning sickness.”

I look down at where he has buried himself in my neck crook, his ears are red like that’s something to be embarrassed about.

Why is he so embarrassed about normal things?

I remember what that judgemental doctor said ‘...the other normal pregnancy symptoms just… worse…’

Is he even safe here? I mean what if something more serious happened? Like him passing out? Or going back to old habits again? What if someone else found him? Then what?

We should go back home. Back to the penthouse where he’s safe, always safe. I’ll make him go back to bed, with me, where it’s safe.

“Let’s go home” I try my best to sound composed and not that I’m losing my shit as well.

Brandon lifts his head up to look at me, and with those eyes I could get lost in, ask me “Don’t you want to eat your food?”

The fact nothing came out of him when the nausea made him throw up, is enough of an indicator that he’s worrying about the wrong things.

Not to mention the fact he thinks I’ll be able to when he’s trying to not throw up.

In the nicest way I can think of, I tell we’ll eat later. “Seriously baby? If it puts you at ease we can both eat now or later.” I think this is the most patient I’ve been since I was born.

I gently led him out of the restaurant.

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I’m trying my best to regain my composure as quickly and quietly as possible, I don’t want to freak Bran out even more than necessary.

He’s here, He’s fine, Nothing happened. I’m repeating to myself and holding him tightly trying to remember to be calm.

“Niko, Is everything okay?” I must’ve been doing a shit job if he noticed.

Communication is key to a great relationship, right?

I’ll tell him how I’m feeling. “Brandon. Stop hiding from me. It pisses me the fuck off.”

Brandon goes silent again, like he’s in deep thoughts.

“I didn’t want to ruin your breakfast.”

What. The. Fuck.

He’s joking right? One quick glance tells me he’s serious. Okay, nice, he’s willing to hide himself for my comfort.

While I’m here trying my best to not beat the shit out of random people, for him. He’s hiding himself.

In a high risk pregnancy.

I’m not thinking when I swerve off the road and make a bad parking attempt in some parking lot.

I need to look him in his eyes, see what he’s seeing. I don’t mean to pull him towards me off his seat.

But I’m barely keeping it together, right now, okay. And he’s still hiding from me.

What do I need to do to get him to fucking talk to me like I do for him.

“Brandon King, stop running away from me. Tell me every fucking thing about you.” It came out exactly like I felt.

I stare at him, he stares back in shock, and looks a bit uncomfortable.

That’s when I noticed the seatbelt, roughly digging into his skin.

Why’d I do that? That’s the worst way to get anyone to open up.

I start apologizing to him as I set him back down. I can tell he’s zoning me out.

I grab his hand so he knows he’s still here, with me.

We spend the rest of the time in silence.

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

When we finally made it back home, I already had a plan mapped out. I’ll take a quick nap with my lotus flower, then if I wake up and I’m still feeling violet, I’ll drop my lotus off with Mia and go to the fight club.

I just need to start with taking a nap. “Let’s take a nap, baby.”

Brandon takes a moment to think before saying “Okay…Do you want some fruit?”

He’s still on this? We’ll share some then “As long as you have some.”

I realize I have to let him go after a minute and then he gets a mango, and reaches for a knife. I’m still shadowing him in case something happens. Still close just with a bit of space.

That’s when I remember my earlier message to Jeremy, to get rid of all sharp objects.

“Nikolai? Where’d all our knives go?”

What do I tell him? ‘Hey I don’t think you should be anywhere near knives even though you like cooking,’

I blurt out the first excuse that comes to mind. “Baby proofing. I had some people baby proof the place.”

Brandon looks at me like he doesn’t believe me, and to be fair I wouldn't believe me either.

“I’m only a few weeks along, isn't it a little early?” I don’t know how to respond and Brandon doesn’t seem done. “Not to mention they did a terrible job since they left all the electrical plugs alone, didn’t put a lock on the fridge with alcohol. Nikolai, where are the knives?” His louder voice gets higher nearing the end.

I answer honestly “I don’t know.” I might have gotten rid of them but I don’t know where Jer put them.

“What happened to them?” Bran tries a different approach. I can’t lie to him after my entire thing about him being more honest, I’ll be a hypocrite.

“I ordered some men to take them away.” Brandon looks at me with hurt eyes, before he takes a few steps closer to the door.

Is he planning on leaving me?

I reach out and grab his arm. He still looks at me with those eyes. He puts the mango down.

This has to be the worst way to start my day.

“You don’t trust me.” Brandon says it and a part of me knows he’s right.

Right now I don’t want him to touch any type of blade. But I do trust him in every other aspect.

I trust him with my life, he’s my main reasoning for breathing.

“Nikolai.” I loosen my grip, when I realized how tight I was holding him.

“I trust you, Bran, with my life… I just don’t want you near anything sharp.” Brandon scoffs like I’m lying to him.

“Nikolai, if you truly trusted me then we’d have knives in this kitchen!” I’m surprised that my lotus flower is yelling at me right. And the he starts pulling to get out of my grip (Which I won’t let happen)

“I like cooking! How am I going to do that without knives?!” He’s lashing around in my grip so I hold his other arm, as well, I need to calm him down. Before something he does something.

“Brandon, take a deep breath.” I try but all he does is chuckle without humor. “Just say you hate me! Tell me you don’t trust me anymore!” Right after saying that Bran starts crying, I hear mood swings are normal for pregnancy. I don’t know how to handle this.

“Let’s just go to bed, yeah? C’mon baby.” I’m hugging him gently and feel him nod against me, while still crying.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

After we finally got into bed, not bothering to change our clothes. I hold him close.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out.” Brandon tells me through broken whimpers.

I don’t answer him, instead I just hold him closer. He doesn’t stop crying, I feel like I’m lost in my life right now. There’s so much I don’t know.

He calms down for a moment, taking deep breaths. I encourage him, “Good job, baby.”

I’m patting his back gently, we might both be losing our minds but Brandon is growing a child, so he beats me.

I need a smoke.

The only sound in the room is my hand rubbing against his clothes, and his whimpers.

“I’m sorry Niko, I didn’t mean to get pregnant.” He makes it sound like he did it by himself.

He just keeps forgetting the fact it was Kolya who actually did the job.

Before I can interrupt him he keeps going “Your only 19, I’m sorry for trapping you”

.

.

.

I’m not going to laugh.

“Baby, calm down, Kolya was doing all the work anyway. And I’m not that young that you should cry over it.” I say with a smile on my face, I really hope he can’t see it. I also purposefully don’t mention the trapping part.

Since it was how we found each other again. Or more like I forced my way into his life and used the baby as an excuse.

Bran doesn’t respond to me, instead he just keeps with his whimpers and broken breathing.

The love of my life, slowly stops crying after a while. I look down at him and realize it’s because he fell asleep.

Poor Bran.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I’m currently on my Harley mostly because I want to go for a ride and because I doubt Brandon will wake up anytime soon.

So I find myself at fight club, after what feels like forever but was really just 2 weeks.

Except there’s nobody there. Turns out being so early means almost nobody is there.

And the ones who are there, refuse to fight me at all.

So that was a bummer. And now I have to wait till midnight for a fight, cause that’s when they all show up.

Before I returned to the penthouse, I bought my lotus flower knives. But the cheap ones that barely cut through anything.

It’s a compromise, plus I don’t want to see him cry for a few hours again.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I’m back at the penthouse.

Usually I’d be happy to be back with my lotus flower.

Except I can’t find him anywhere, in this house.

Did he leave me? Was it because of the car?

I’ve never pulled out my phone and called someone faster than I had today.

I wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t ring since he blocked me not too long ago.

But to my surprise it rings and he answers it.

Before he could even say hello I’m questioning him. “Baby? Where are you? Are you coming back? Do you need me to pick you up?”

On the other line I hear a sigh before he speaks “Nikolai, I was getting some clothes from the elite’s mansion. I’ll be back before 2”

I breathe out a sigh of relief, Brandon doesn’t hang up but I do hear rustling on his line indicating he’s still packing.

“Are you sure you don’t want me there?” I ask again, already knowing the answer.

“And have you and Lan fighting? No thank you.” So he does want me there, just not now.

I click to video call him instead, and he picks it up.

I watch him pack peacefully.

Chapter Text

Brandon

“Nikolai? Where’d all our knives go?”

That’s a question I never thought I’d need to ask him.

But they are missing from the drawer, and Nikolai is standing there frozen.

Obviously Nikolai knows something. I doubt anyone would break in and just steal knives.

After a moment of guilty silence he says “Baby proofing. I had some people baby proof the place.”

He’s lying. I know he is. It’s far too early for any type of baby proofing, especially since I’m only a few weeks along.

Maybe Nikolai forgot, I’ll remind him. “I’m only a few weeks along, isn't it a little early?” I don’t know why him saying baby proofing is making me so mad. “Not to mention they did a terrible job since they left all the electrical plugs alone, didn’t put a lock on the fridge with alcohol. Nikolai, where are the knives?”

I ask again hoping he’ll tell me the damn truth.

How dare he lie to me. After telling me to stop running now he’s hiding the truth.

“I don’t know.”

He obviously knows something, I refuse to believe anyone would break into a penthouse that’s owned by a Mafio, and only steal knives.

I’ll rephrase it for him to actually answer it with more details and honesty “What happened to them?”

He hesitates again.

Does he not trust me anymore?

Tick.

Is it because he found out?

Tick.

I shouldn’t have let him find out.

“I ordered some men to take them away.” So I was right, He doesn’t trust me.

Not even a little bit. I lost all his trust.

Nikolai grabs me, for some reason, I put down the mango I nearly dropped to the floor.

I need him to tell me I’m wrong. “You don’t trust me.”

Instead of saying what I so desperately want to hear, He stays silent looking conflicted.

He truly doesn’t trust me anymore.

“Nikolai.” Maybe he just didn’t hear me the first time.

Nikolai loosens his grip instead, Does he want me to leave?

“I trust you, Bran, with my life… I just don’t want you near anything sharp.”

.

.

.

He doesn’t trust me with my own life? Is that what he's saying right now?

Nikolai is telling the worst joke I’ve ever heard.

I mean my biggest hobbies needs sharp items, Niko does know that right?

I’m going to remind this mindless bastard. “I like cooking! How am I going to do that without knives?!”

Am I supposed to give up something I enjoy just because he doesn’t think I’m suited for it?

I can feel the black ink creeping in on me.

He hates me.

Tick.

That’s why he took the knives.

Tick.

I’m being so mean to him.

Tick.

That’s why he hates me.

I feel him grip me harder now. “Brandon, take a deep breath.” That’s funny since breathing is something I do all the time.

And it never helps with anything.

“Just say you hate me! Tell me you don’t trust me anymore!” I immediately regret my words after seeing the sour look on Nikolai’s face. All I did was hurt him even more.

I’m always hurting him.

Tick.

He’s better off without me.

Tick.

I didn't realize when I started crying, I only noticed when Nikolai started hugging me and I could feel my tears wetting his shirt.

“Let’s just go to bed, yeah? C’mon baby.” I nod against him, I don’t want to keep arguing.

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out.”
I mumble through sobs. I don’t want Nikolai to be mad at me for lashing out at him.

Instead of answering He holds me closer. I can feel him breathing, eventually I start noticing the pattern.

“Good job, baby.” Why is he saying that? I’ve only been making problems in both of our lives.
I just want him to know I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.

“I’m sorry Niko, I didn’t mean to get pregnant. And you're only 19, I’m sorry for trapping you” How could I get pregnant as a 23 year old by a 19 year old, I’m so disgusting.

I feel Nikolai’s breathing go uneven for a moment before returning back to normal. “Baby, calm down, Kolya was doing all the work anyway. And I’m not that young that you should cry over it.”

Why is he mentioning his dick? By name? That’s so weird, I can’t stop a small chuckle from leaving me. That sounds so odd.

Eventually that little comment helped me calm down and start thinking about all the other weird things He’s done.

I didn't realize when I fell asleep.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
I woke up around 30 minutes later, to an empty bed. “Nikolai?” I call out with no answer.

.

.

.

After looking around the penthouse, Nikolai was nowhere to be found.

Did I scare him off?

Tick.

It was probably from the crying.

Tick.

Again I feel the black ink creeping in around me, usually I’d purge it out. Except there wasn’t anything sharp.

And I kept seeing Nikolai’s face from when he found out, the guilt of the hurt I caused him is enough to make me stop.

If Nikolai already left I might as well get out of his house.

I quickly put on my shoes, grab my keys and my phone, then I head out to my car which Niko has been driving around for the past two days.
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I’m back at the Elite’s mansion after I left for the past two days without so as a goodbye to anyone other than Glyn.

I turned my notifications back on and I have several from my brother asking where I’m at and a few from my friends. I also unblocked Nikolai to see if he has sent me anything, which he hasn’t.

I make it half away to my room before Lan corners me.

“Bran, where on Earth have you been?” I know he comes from a good place but I’m not in the mood for his overprotective brother role.

“On Earth” I see Lan chuckle softly, “I’d hope, but seriously where have you been.” I can’t just tell him right now, he’ll freak out.

“Went on to visit a museum and then I just rented out a hotel room. Sorry I didn’t text you, I had my notifications off.” Landon doesn’t look convinced and I don’t change my excuse.

“Okay baby bro, I’ll take your flimsy excuse” I get the feeling he really won’t take it, but as long as he’s off my case for now I’ll take it. ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

I was shocked by the fact Nikolai called me, Or more like relieved that he wanted me to go back.

I told him I’d be back at 2 to calm his nerves. Eventually I hung up since I had to leave my room to go get my art stuff.

I’ll have to go back to school soon. And have to start dealing with all the fine details, like how I have to quit lacrosse when I get back. Do I need to tell a school official about being pregnant?

More importantly, How am I going to tell my family?

Eventually I end up back at the penthouse. With Nikolai clinging to me for the rest of the day.