Chapter Text
There was really no other option than to simply accept your fate. Although part of you wanted to turn around and catch a later flight, you simply stowed away your carryon and slumped down into your seat, thankful for the extra room that first class awarded you.
You could feel Levi’s intense stare burning into the side of your head, but you did everything but turn to meet his gaze. The main reason was because you were still put off by his anger in the lounge, but you also had just gotten the bad news from Greg, and you couldn’t stand to look at him right now for fear of blurting everything out and making him even more pissed.
As the plane filled up with boarding passengers, you distracted yourself in every way you could, including ordering your much needed coffee and internally strategizing how to get Greg to stand down on his bogus gossip.
When Levi cleared his throat to get your attention, however, your resolve to not look at him crumbled and you turned your head, peeking at him from your peripheral vision.
“Sorry for snapping at you,” he said gruffly, clearly a little uncomfortable.
His apology made your shoulders relax, and your guard came down.
“It’s okay,” you whispered, fiddling with the hem of your sweater.
“You didn’t know. It was unfair.”
“Levi, really, it’s okay,” you assured him, but he frowned a bit, looking away for a moment, seemingly to gather his thoughts, before looking back to you.
“I just don’t want to scare you off,” he admitted.
That had your heart racing instantly.
“You don’t scare me,” you tried to joke, but the shakiness in your voice was too apparent. What did he mean?
“Good. I just…don’t want to push you away. I think we’re friends now, and I don’t want that to change,” he said, the last handful of words coming out all at once.
Friends.
How was it possible that your heart could soar and be crushed all in one instant? It was both the best and worst thing you’d ever heard. The biggest honor, and yet the last thing you’d want to be called by him.
Of course this had been what he’d meant last night. He was talking about your budding friendship, and nothing more. The lines he wanted to cross was simply to go from business to platonic. Any feelings were not mutual, and all of them belonged only to you. Still, friendship was better than nothing, right? And you could navigate being friends along with working together. This had been what you’d wanted…right? This was the best outcome. So why did it feel like stones had settled in your stomach? Why was there a lump in your throat that you couldn’t swallow down?
You didn’t get the chance to reply, because someone had decided to interrupt.
“Jonesy! There’s no way!”
The nickname and voice were familiar to you, and you looked up to see none other than your friend Shan looming over you, her eyes dancing with delight as she took in the sight of you and Levi.
“Shan?!” you gasped, mood brightening and distracting you from your complex feelings around Levi's non-confession. You reached up while she bent down for an awkwardly positioned hug, and she waggled her brows playfully as she sat across the aisle from you, also in the aisle seat. “I didn’t know you’d be here, but also didn’t know you’d be going to New York. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s a really short layover. I’m on my way to London!” she told you, only taking her attention from you to order an orange juice from a flight attendant.
“Work is keeping you busy,” you commented, and she grinned.
“You’re telling me. I’ll only be there for a few days before heading back to LA,” she sighed. Then, she looked over your head to Levi and gave him a polite wave. “Hi, I’m Shan. Huge fan. Huge fan named Shan.”
“Nice to meet you,” Levi said politely.
“She’s my friend,” you told him, then turned back to her, wanting nothing more than to catch up with her.
“You two are wearing the same sweater,” Levi said, and you and Shan laughed at the realization.
It was true, it was the exact same sweater. The two of you had gotten matching ones as a souvenir from a trip you’d taken to New Orleans.
“Twins,” Shan snickered. “Or stunt doubles.”
Something about that seemed to make something click in your brain.
The photos Greg had sent were typical sneaky pap photos, taken from odd angles and from far away. Just close enough where you could tell it was Levi, but still of poor enough quality that you could lie and say it was someone else. The main focus of most of the photos was Levi, not you, so you’d been captured in such a way that this could be pulled off.
That woman that Levi had been talking to, back at the Ralph Lauren event...
You didn’t necessarily look alike – hell, you and Shan looked more alike, she actually could have been your stunt double – but Mystery Woman was of the same stature and build, and the hair was kind of the same. If anything, you could say it was a wig. It would be easy to find out who she was and invite her to some event Levi would be attending. And who was to say that nothing would come out of it? Maybe they’d actually develop feelings for each other. After all, Levi was single, and you were just his friend.
“Hello? Are you listening to me?”
Shan’s prodding snapped you back to reality and you shook your scheming thoughts out of your head, giving her a small smile.
“Sorry, I zoned out,” you said, and she pouted.
“Am I really that boring?” she asked, but her tone was playful, and then went on to talk about her upcoming work in London.
You were quick to include Levi in the conversation, and he was actually attentive, asking questions about her career and about your history together. Shan was happy to tell old stories about your time as roommates and also asked him questions about his schedule and if you’d been working him to the bone, to which he deadpanned and said you were, and then called you a pain in his ass.
The flight didn’t feel long at all, not with the three of you chatting away, and the conversation really only started to die down once you deboarded the plane, huddled together as you said your goodbyes.
You were laughing at something Shan was saying, but then she checked her phone and cursed, a frown gracing her features.
“My flight to London is in a completely different gate. It’s going to be boarding soon, I have to go. It was so good to see you, Jonesy, and nice to meet you, Levi.”
After some quick hugs and waves, you sighed and turned to Levi, about to say something, but he looked a little…amused.
“What?” you asked, raising a brow.
“Jonesy?” he asked, and you groaned. He was making fun of Shan’s nickname for you.
“She’s lame,” you complained, starting the long walk towards the exit with him. “You know the term ‘keeping up with the Joneses’? That’s where she got it from, because that’s how she sees my job, just me always keeping my clients relevant. I’m a Jones. Please don’t call me that.”
“I think my nickname for you is better,” Levi said.
“What, temp?” you scoffed. “You’re just as lame as Shan is.”
Levi tugged on a baseball cap and zipped his hoodie up all the way, trying to hide himself as much as possible. He donned a face mask and you followed him until you were out of the airport, already having agreed to sharing a car back into the city. The two of you were quiet, and the silence allowed you to start overthinking.
Maybe you just needed to tell him the truth. The next best option was to let him in on Greg’s shadiness.
But you wouldn’t be able to stomach it if Levi reacted poorly to it. What if you showed him the contents of the email and he got upset that anyone would assume you were together? After all, you were just friends. You’d already taken one hit to the heart today, you weren’t sure you could handle another one.
Time was running out, though. Every minute you kept it to yourself and didn’t take action was another minute closer to the stupid article dropping. How could you get the ball rolling?
“Hey, Levi,” you whispered, turning to him.
He looked over and raised a brow, silently urging you to go ahead.
Now was the perfect opportunity to tell him. It was the right thing to do. It was the only thing to do.
“Is it okay if we get some extra invites to Erwin’s movie premiere next week? It would be fun if Shan came.”
“Sure,” Levi answered, brow still raised. “I’m guessing that’s your way of telling me that I still have to go to that.”
“You do,” you breathed out, trying to maintain some authority in your voice, but you felt guilty.
Guilty for forcing the premiere on him, yes, but also guilty because you were hiding something so big from him. And you felt sad, too. You were too chicken to ask him about the mystery woman. Too scared to suggest an invite go out to her yet, for fear of seeing something brighten in his eyes at the mention of her. And now you were using Shan as an excuse. That was awful of you. Though, she probably wouldn’t be able to come. You'd have to face this sooner or later and find a way to invite Mystery Woman.
It would be fine. You were scrappy, you could find a way out of this mess. The article would come out, Levi wouldn't even look at it, Greg would probably be more interested in the premiere photos and would likely refrain from using the ones of you. The biggest task at hand was getting the courage to ask Levi about the mystery woman. The plan hinged on her attendance and making sure that they were both into each other enough that you could talk yourself out of feeling bad about your calculated moves that pushed her into this.
When Levi wasn’t looking, you pulled out your phone with shaky hands and emailed Greg back.
Fine. You win. Levi’s new girl will be attending Erwin’s movie premiere next week. Don’t publish that article today.
As soon as you hit send on that, a new text notification popped up on your phone. It was from James. A weird combo of butterflies and rocks settled in your stomach.
Still free? Let me make you dinner
***
If Levi noticed that you were especially quiet during the drive back into the city, he didn’t say anything about it. You tried to look as busy as possible, though you felt as though your nervous energy was probably surging through the air of the car.
Conversation was short-lived every time one was started, and the first bout of real relief you’d felt in nearly an hour practically had you dizzy when you pulled up to your building. As always, Levi was perfectly polite and insisted on getting you home first. He was even nice enough to get out with you to open the trunk and get your luggage out, instead of making the driver do it. But today, that just made you feel terrible. It wasn't deserved. You were about to make such a risky move at Erwin's premiere, and he was none the wiser. You'd always been so honest with him and made sure he was on board; this was going against all of that.
“Talk to you later!” you said over your shoulder as you raced towards your building, tugging your luggage along.
But even as you shoved your way into your loft and collapsed onto the couch, finally in the safety of your own home, you still felt like you couldn’t breathe right.
Guilt and anxiety were twisting around your chest like snakes, curling around each other tightly and whirling around in a way that made you feel a little nauseous. Now, you were flip-flopping on what the right call was.
There was still time to fix this. This was what you were good at. It was a moment of panic – rare, but these things happened. You panicked because you were involved, but you’d get everyone out of this mess. You could absolve yourself of the guilt before having to come clean about anything to Levi. You just had to think things through a little more.
The anxiety was still going to live inside of you, though, for the rest of the day. Mostly because you’d agreed to see James tonight.
“Why the fuck did I do that?” you scolded yourself as you climbed up the stairs to collapse onto your bed instead.
You had plenty of time to nap and spruce up, but now you were beginning to have second thoughts about meeting up with James, just like you were having second thoughts about everything else.
There was nothing to feel bad about, though; you were single, you’d been friendzoned this morning, and you weren’t doing anything wrong by going out with a cute guy that you’d flirted with in the past and had wanted to go out with before. But, of course, that didn’t stop you from feeling gross.
The only thing that could help you escape the terrible day you were having was a nap. All you wanted was to be unconscious for a while – maybe the rest would help ease the negative feelings and make them disappear altogether. You always felt like the world was ending when you were too sleep deprived.
After your nap, you began to get ready.
Before Levi, you would have gone all out, knowing you were finally going on a date with James. Now, this was mostly a date you were going on to get over Levi, which was unfair to James.
You did want to feel better, though, so you still made sure to look your best. You still put on your “first date outfit”, you did your hair and makeup, and the only difference between this and getting ready for an actual date was that you had to practice smiling in the mirror this time.
Should you cancel?
The thought had been nagging at you the whole time you were getting ready, but you ultimately decided to go through with it. There was still a possibility that this would be the best date of your life, and James would sweep you off your feet and help you forget every bad thing about your bad day.
If nothing else, then you figured you should at least give it a chance and then have the courtesy of rejecting James to his face.
His place was on the Upper East Side, and the cab ride there was filled with traffic and more nervous energy from you. By the time you arrived and he’d buzzed you in and you’d made it into his small but lovely apartment, he was basically done with dinner.
“Hi,” he greeted you warmly, kissing your cheek as you settled yourself at his little dining table.
“Hi. You should have waited for me to get here so I could help with dinner,” you chided playfully, taking a look around. “I like your place, by the way.”
“All you need to do is sit there and look pretty,” he said with a sly grin. “And thank you. I’ve been here for about three years. Starting to get really small, though. I think I’m a hoarder.”
There was nothing cluttered about his place at all. He took a break from cooking to give you a tour. It was a one bedroom apartment, with the living room and kitchen acting as one shared space, and the bedroom was surprisingly spacious for what New York City typically offered, with its own door for the bathroom.
His taste in décor was no surprise, though. It reflected his personality. The walls were filled with art and photographs, camera equipment could be found all over, but everything looked like it belonged exactly where it was at. Much of his furniture was leather and wood, giving it a cozy feel.
“Tell me about your work trip,” he encouraged, hurrying back to the stove. “How was the convention?”
“It was good,” you said absently, eyes roaming over manila folders scattered along his coffee table. You picked one up, taking a peek inward. A stack of photos was inside, ones he had no doubt recently taken. Some of them sparked a sense of familiarity in you. “Can I look through these? When did you take these?”
He turned to look at you and see what had piqued your curiosity, and you saw a flash of some emotion go through his eyes. He gave you a smirk and then turned off the stove, reaching into a cupboard to pull out two plates.
“Actually, it’s funny that you should ask that. I was going to show you those pictures. They’re the ones I took for the Ralph Lauren show,” he said. “Dinner first. Photos later.”
You helped him set the table and thanked him for dinner, wringing your hands in your lap as he picked out a red wine and poured a glass for the both of you. The first sip immediately relaxed you, and you both dug into your food and began to chat.
Once the first sparks of conversation appeared, everything felt like smooth sailing. It was so easy talking to James, it always had been. It was easy to laugh with him, to reminisce, to tease each other, and to just talk, about anything and everything. You weren’t nervous, he didn’t seem nervous, and it was turning out to be a nice dinner, a nice evening.
It was a subtle observation at first but, as you finished up dinner and dug into your desserts (slices of cake from James’ favorite bakery across the street), you realized something. There’d been no flirting this entire dinner. In fact, it didn’t feel like a date, so much as it did just two friends catching up. As much as you hated to admit it, you didn’t feel any of the things you should have felt during a first date with someone you liked. You didn’t feel the butterflies in your stomach, your heart hadn’t skipped a beat even once, you weren’t hyperaware of every move he made, you weren’t secretly hoping and anticipating for him to make a move on you, you weren’t wondering if you should make a move on him. You weren’t sneaking glances at his lips, or leaning closer towards him, or trying to get a whiff of his cologne. You hadn’t accidentally brushed a hand or foot against his to get a rush, you hadn’t found any excuse to touch him or be near him.
The two of you had had a great time, but the chemistry wasn’t there. There was no charge in the air, no force greater than you pulling you together. No sparks, no electricity, no heat.
Maybe it was all bullshit. After all, he’d made you laugh until your cheeks hurt, he’d cooked you dinner, he’d been charming and engaging all night. He made you feel safe.
But it wasn’t enough.
The realization hit you as you had your last bite of dessert, and you found it – the dessert and the truth – hard to swallow.
“I want to show you those pictures now,” James announced, getting up and heading to his coffee table, where he grabbed the manila folder and sauntered back over, sitting back down in his seat and pulling out the stack of photos.
“Did you get some great shots?” you asked, forcing a practiced smile on your face.
“I did,” he confirmed, again giving you that sly look that confused you. “But I need to tell you the truth first.”
“The truth?” you echoed, raising a brow.
“Yeah. The truth is, I realized this wasn’t going to be a date,” James confessed. Now both of your eyebrows were raised. Did he feel the same way you felt? The complete lack of feelings? Or had he been thinking like this from the jump?
“You lured me here under false pretenses,” you joked weakly, but your voice was quiet and you were trying to remain as composed as possible. You still weren’t understanding.
“Well, I’m pretty sure this wasn’t going to be a date for you, either,” he went on, but now he was just confusing you more.
“What are you talking about?” you asked, arms folded over your chest.
“Not gonna lie, I was a little bummed about it at first. I’ve been trying to find the perfect time to ask you out,” James said with a grin. “But I guess I’m too late. I can’t blame the guy, though. I should have snatched you up sooner.”
“James, are you high?” you asked, but he was flipping through those photos, clearly looking for a particular one.
“I put the puzzle pieces together when I heard his podcast episode,” James said, seemingly finding the photo he’d been looking for. Or, rather, photos. Plural. He fished a few of them out of the pile, handing them over to you. “If you’re Levi’s new girlfriend, why are you on a non-date with me?”
His tone was lighthearted, but you were still absolutely dumbstruck. He had to be high.
You took the photos but didn’t look at them, still staring at James like he’d grown a second head.
“Huh? You’re having a stroke. I’m not dating Levi,” you told him, only briefly glancing at the handful of photos he’d given you. “I only went to the show with him to keep Erwin away from him. He’s just my client.”
“Is that so?” James asked casually, leaning back in his seat with a smug smile. “Sorry, but I’m calling your bluff. My camera never lies. If what you're saying is true, then why does he look at you like that?”
You finally gave your attention to the photos, needing to know what James was yapping about. He had to have been mistaken. There was no way –
But there he was. Just seeing a photo of him made your heart skip a beat. It made you feel what was missing with James.
James had managed to capture shots of Levi when he’d been across the room from you at the afterparty. When you hadn’t noticed, hadn’t been looking at him, he’d been looking at you. You’d never seen him look at you the way he was looking at you in the photos. That emotion in his eyes, the longing…you’d never seen it. Right?
“And, furthermore, why do you look at him like that?”
You didn’t answer him and flipped to the next photo, your breath catching in your throat painfully. When Levi hadn’t been looking, you’d been looking at him, with that same emotion in your eyes. It was like you were mirroring each other, doing an accidental, unintentional dance of yearning. He looked when you looked away, and vice versa.
The final photo was taken right before you’d left. The two of you had been so close to each other, faces only inches apart, the charge of emotion from your heated conversation almost palpable through the picture. It was almost hard to look at.
You placed the pictures down onto the table, bottom lip trembling as you looked up at James.
“We’re not together,” was all you could say, voice shaky, and James went from looking playful to looking a little guilty.
“But you want to be,” he finished, and at that, you couldn’t deny it, at least not on your end.
It wasn’t just a stupid crush. You had actual feelings for Levi, and they weren't going to just disappear, and it was no longer something you could lie to yourself, or anyone else, about.
“So he made up a girlfriend and you went on a non-date,” James concluded, and you rolled your eyes, fighting back the inexplicable tears that were stinging your lash line.
“We’re just friends. He friendzoned me,” you said. “And I don’t want you to feel like some rebound. I’ve also been wondering when we were finally going to go on a date and I wanted to have an open mind and go through with it. But…”
“But you like Levi,” James chuckled. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m not upset at all. Again, maybe just bummed, but it’s my own fault for taking too long.”
“You’re being weirdly good-natured about this,” you sighed.
“How could I be upset, when I saw the way you looked at each other?”
Your cheeks burned, eyes flickering down to the photos again. The pictures were so telling, and yet they made no sense.
Levi didn’t want you. He’d called you his friend.
“I should go,” you whispered, moving to stand up. James followed suit, his demeanor much more gentle now, and he walked you to the door, waving off your offer to help clean up before you left.
As you put on your coat, James stopped you before you could open the door, his eyes very sincere.
“And about that friendzoning thing. I know you, I know you probably heard what you thought you wanted to hear to keep up the denial game. He doesn’t just want to be your friend. You should talk to him.”
You frowned at him, a little bitter that he knew you that well, but his million dollar grin made your frown soften up into a small smile.
“Thanks for dinner and for a lovely non-date,” you said.
“You’re welcome. See, this is a clear friendzone,” he teased.
You hugged him before hurrying outside, your mind going a million miles an hour. A lot of things were confusing you, and you still held so many doubts. What if James was just assuming things and reading into things wrong? You’d been so caught up in the belief that the crush was one-sided, that the thought of Levi returning feelings was actually extremely overwhelming.
There was a bar just down the street from James’ place and you scampered inside, telling yourself you just needed some liquid courage to loosen you up and, ironically, maybe clear your head.
Well, that last part was more of a lie you were telling yourself, but a drunk you was an honest you, and that’s what you needed right now.
The bartender greeted you as you sat down after showing ID, and you ordered a shot of tequila before you could chicken out. Shots were always so disgusting and were usually the last thing you would ever order, except for tonight. Tonight, you needed the instant hit. There was no time to nurse a drink and wallow and overthink.
As soon as the bartender poured the tequila into a shot glass and slid it over, your fingers curled around it and you raised it to your lips without any hesitation, allowing your mind to clear as you tipped your head back and downed the liquor in one gulp. It burned, more than you thought it would, and you grimaced as you slammed the glass back down onto the bar and shivered as the alcohol settled weirdly in your stomach.
Then, you immediately proceeded to order and swallow down one more shot for good measure.
It didn’t take long for the effects of two back-to-back shots to kick in; a mere twenty minutes later and you felt warm and free as your mind wandered, always circling thoughts of Levi.
You couldn’t get the pictures out of your mind. There was no denying the way you both looked at each other, eyes filled with so much longing and pure want that it was palpable even through a simple photo. You had half a mind to go back and grab the photos from James, just to keep them and stare at them some more, and let your heart go wild at the sight of Levi looking at you like you were the most exquisite thing he’d ever seen.
You still weren’t certain how true this all was, or if this was your heart tricking your brain into seeing something that wasn’t there. Maybe there was an emotion that mirrored that of yearning.
The only thing you were sure of was that you had to see Levi, as soon as possible.
You pulled out your phone and dialed his number, relieved when it only rang once before he answered.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” you breathed out. “Can I see you? Like, now?”