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Chapter Text

April 1867. When the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb officially leave the Shinsengumi, Chizuru encounters Miki on the way out.

After her conversation with Saitou under the cherry blossoms, Chizuru turns to find a tall shadow glaring at the direction of the Third Captain of the Shinsengumi who just left. Just from his silhouette, she knows who he is—and typically, she would run at the sight of him, but the strange flame in his violet eyes makes her freeze. Perhaps it is because they speak of no danger towards her, or perhaps it is because of the uncanny coldness that stirs her curiosity.

“Miki-san?”

“‘Things that do not change, huh,’” the former Ninth Captain of the Shinsengumi scoffs, ignoring her. “What a fool. Such things do not exist in this world—only what changes does. Broken trust. Betraying, being betrayed. A country that needs to evolve—a revolution to happen—to counter the forces from outside. It is because of these old, rotting beliefs that I hate the Shinsengumi—believing in lofty ideals so far from reality.”

Chizuru’s eyes widen. ‘Betraying, being betrayed,’ he said… I never knew Miki-san thought this way. “The Miki-san who believes in what changes… does he believe he, too, will betray and be betrayed someday?”

Miki cackles and finally turns to smirk at her. “You really are an idiot, just like the rest of them. I have already been, many times. You should know best—the Shinsengumi never really trusted aniki and I from the beginning. They broke our trust, so we chose to leave.” Suddenly, his eyes glint and he takes a step towards her, cornering her against the sakura tree. Pink petals flutter in the soft breeze, dancing around his dark blue hair and framing his black hakamashita , embellished with gold. If the situation were different, perhaps Chizuru would have found the moment breathtakingly beautiful, but now, she can only shudder.

“If I had to say… the only thing I honestly regret about leaving this damned organization is not being able to uncover all your secrets, Yukimura Chizuru .” A cruel smile twists his face. “Whatever happened that night that triggered aniki to propose leaving… the reason why a useless person like you is Hijikata’s page and so kindly treated by the captains… your true identity… it truly is a pity, heh. Seeing you under the sakura like this only makes me think again… you really are a girl, no ?”

Chizuru’s heart pounds in terror as she quickly bows and murmurs, “My apologies, but I still have chores to do before I help prepare dinner.” I stayed here for too long, driven by my curiosity—I really should have left at the beginning . Miki grins as she ducks under his outstretched arm. Turning around, he sees her bow again and say politely, with a bit of an edge in her voice, “Miki-san… may you and Itou-san be well.”

“What a dumb thing to say, knowing our positions,” he laughs. “Too bad aniki ordered us to not converse with the Shinsengumi moving forward… it was fun playing around with you, Yukimura.”

This is so strange—usually, I would leave immediately, knowing how Miki-san suspects my identity, and perhaps it was only my imagination, but—

—his smile carried a hint of some distant sadness and loneliness when he said, ‘I have already been many, many times.’ Betrayed many, many times—

“Um, Miki-san,” Chizuru gathers her courage to speak her heart, gazing firmly up at him while her hands tremble. “About ‘change’ … I do not believe relationships always change in hurtful ways. There is betrayal, broken trust… but I also think people can change for the better, and the bonds between people can grow stronger.” Although my relationship with everyone in the Shinsengumi has certainly improved, mentioning this to Miki-san may not help communicate my feelings.

Inhaling deeply, she murmurs, “Like now—I think I understand Miki-san a little better, and I am grateful for that. What I mean is—please do not give up… on putting faith in others. I am sorry for saying something so preposterous, but I wanted Miki-san to know…” Cheeks flushed from embarrassment and fear, Chizuru quickly bows and runs back inside.

Watching her leave, Miki clenches his fists and clicks his tongue. “What idiocy,” he scowls. “Only those blind to reality, living a sheltered life, who know no loss, can utter such pretty words—the world is a filthy place reeking of humanity’s cruelty.” However, her words, the conviction in her eyes, the manner in which she has chosen to stay with the Shinsengumi, despite all the violence involved, her sincere gratitude in learning more about him, tells him—

—No, it is not that “he” does not know. This is who Yukimura Chizuru is: someone who foolishly holds hope in people, seeking the best in them.

Perhaps it is this kind of rare, gentle light, a candle undying in the unfeeling void, that he has been searching for all this time—and does not yet know he has found.

Chapter Text

This is really, really bad , Chizuru thinks, heart thundering in her chest as she slowly follows Itou-san and his men towards the scene of the photoshoot, careful to not trip on her long brown skirt. For the Shinsengumi and the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb to be here at the same time, with me dressed as a girl… and, the worst part is that he is here… 

She cannot help but recall the night at Nishi Honganji, when she left the common room after Hijikata and Kondou revealed her gender to Souma and Nomura. On her way to her room, she shivered. Why does it feel like someone is watching me…?

“Caught you,” a low voice snickered from behind. Startled, Chizuru whipped her head around to find him there again—but before she could widen the gap between them, a gloved hand pulled at the string holding her ponytail, and her hair fell loose down her shoulders. 

“Ah—” Chizuru exclaimed, jumping in a fruitless attempt to catch her hair tie. Miki grinned mischievously in the dark as he raised his hand high. Why must I be so short? she thought to herself, biting her lip in frustration. Or rather, Miki-san is so tall…

With his other hand, he grabbed her wrist, pulling her in and peering at her face. Perhaps it is the fault of the full moon softening “his” features, but Yukimura looks especially beautiful tonight—the smell of kinmokusei [1] wafting from silken hair; pale, soft skin; large, brown eyes; the lips of a girl—

“Yukimura Chizuru,” he whispered, breath grazing her ear. “Souma and Nomura are the true idiots, being so confident that you are a boy—heh, they must be blind.” As she quivered, he continued, “If bathing with Hijikata’s little page and seeing ‘his’ bare skin are so taboo, then how about I dress ‘him’ up in a cute silk kimono and take ‘him’ out on a date? After all, you would look so natural in those clothes that everyone would mistake you for the ordinary town girl—quite a pretty one, if I must say. Like I told them, my goal is to get along better with you—we can do that at a dango shop, too.”

Chizuru’s cheeks flushed deep crimson, and, giving up on retrieving her hair tie, she shoved Miki aside and ran towards her room, bunching her hair in one hand, and he watched her leave with a cold grin. Heart racing and mind a mess, she thought, Miki-san is truly perceptive… I really need to be more careful. However—

—even though he is a threat to the Shinsengumi, even though his aim is not to ‘get along better’ with me but to uncover the secret of my true identity…

It feels nice, having someone want to know more about me, as a girl. If the circumstances were different, if there were no secrets, and I was simply “me”, not Yukimura Koudou’s daughter, then perhaps—

—his proposal would not have been so bad.

“Hey!” The same voice calls out, this time from in front of her. Bewildered, Chizuru lifts her head to see a man with the same blue hair and violet eyes, dressed in black, left sleeve gray and patterned with gold swirls. Black swords rimmed with white hang at his hips. 

“What are you doing, standing with legs apart like a boy? How unladylike,” Miki chastises sharply, arms crossed. Embarrassed, Chizuru quickly adjusts her stance, recalling the days she spent as a girl when she was back in Edo with her father. “Come on—stop keeping me waiting.” 

Befores she can respond, he pulls her close and Chizuru yelps, a hand moving reflexively to press against his chest to maintain balance. He smirks gleefully. “Quite the forward one, I see.”

“N-No, u-um…!” she stammers, trying to step away from him, but she cannot escape from the strength of his arms. 

“Stay still,” Miki whispers. Giving up, Chizuru frowns, cheeks warming from the feeling of his bare left hand around her waist. All she can think about is his heartbeat, the camera, and the bright violet wisteria around them. Suddenly, he hugs her tighter and speaks into her ear, 

“Yukimura Chizuru. I know it is you—Hijikata’s page. One day, I swear I will expose your identity…

“But for now, this will be something only I know—the name of the pretty girl I met here today. For all the secrets you keep from me, letting me have this one is only fair, is it not?”

As Miki gazes at her hair, tied in half up, half down style with a large red ribbon, he cannot help but recall the night he teased her in Nishi Honganji. To his surprise, as the photographer counts down, Chizuru gives a gentle smile, soft and ephemeral as the flowers around them. 

I have two choices—say he is mistaken and risk worsening the situation with a poor lie, or acknowledge the truth and bet on what I know about Miki-san to keep the secret. Either way, there is no doubt he knows who I am.

“Then, I will entrust this secret to you, Miki-san,” she whispers back. “After all, the Shinsengumi and the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb are not allowed to speak to one another, so Itou-san must not know.”

Miki’s eyes widen before he grins widely, right as the camera flashes, but his voice is steeped in irritation as he mutters, “You will pay for this… using aniki against me.”

“Hehe,” Chizuru chuckles, blushing a little before they separate. “My apologies.” Even though he is scary, the way Miki-san cares so much for Itou-san, his older brother… I think I can understand, as I constantly wonder where Father is, if he is well…

As promised, Miki manages to find a reason to excuse Chizuru from the photoshoot with the rest of the members of the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb, and before she leaves, she bows to him and murmurs, “Thank you… for keeping our secret. I had a good time today.” For some reason, Miki senses a hint of melancholy in her voice. 

Is it because she is always dressed as a boy, being stuck in the Shinsengumi headquarters? If I had to dress as a girl all the time—ugh, I do not even want to think about it. “I could take you away right now, if you wanted me to,” he laughs half-jokingly, eyes narrowing. However, Chizuru simply shakes her head and gives a sad smile.

“It is alright—I like being with everyone,” she responds softly, although her eyes seem to speak part of the truth she left untold—that she cannot leave, that she is bound by some duty to those men, and it is not out of love.

“You really are an idiot, along with the rest of them,” Miki says harshly, but his curiosity only grows as she turns and leaves, her silhouette vanishing behind the curtains of wisteria.

Yukimura Chizuru—a girl who cannot fight and is only tasked with menial chores, not even paid, forced to stay with the Shinsengumi—

What secret chains you to those foolish men? Have you no family who worries about you, a home to return to?

Just who are you? 

Chapter Text

‘Such things do not exist in this world—only what changes does. Broken trust. Betraying, being betrayed.’ This is what Miki-san told me the day he left the Shinsengumi. Even though Itou-san framed Harada-san for Sakamoto Ryouma’s murder and plotted Kondou-san’s assassination, and perhaps Hijikata-san had no choice… in the end, he was the only one who died. 

The Miki-san who only believes in betrayal, to discover his brother’s bloodied corpse in the deep night… I cannot help but worry. Even though I am against his research, if Father were murdered like so—

Of course, Chizuru did not voice her true concerns when she volunteered to accompany Harada and Nagakura to Aburano Kouji. When she finally meets him, the wrath and hollowness in his screams stops her in his tracks, and the doubt festering in her heart only grows stronger as her faith begins to crack—

If it is truly alright, staying in the Shinsengumi, knowing about their advances in the ochimizu research, living in a world where assassinations are part of ordinary life—

In her hesitation, she lets her guard down, and before she realizes, a hand pulls her away from battle and into a dark alleyway. “ Chizuru! ” she hears Harada scream amidst gunshots and clashing swords. 

“Wait—” Chizuru yells at her abductor, only to turn and see an elegant girl in a familiar pink kimono. “K… Kaoru-san? Why… where are you taking me?” The girl Okita called Chizuru’s spitting image has a surprisingly firm grip, and unfortunately she is unable to do anything but be dragged farther from her comrades. Minutes pass before Kaoru stops and lets go of a panting Chizuru.

“This should be a good enough distance from them,” Kaoru says with her usual enigmatic smile. “I have long awaited this reunion… my beloved imouto [1] , Chizuru.”

“Eh?”

Within a flash, “she” tosses away her disguise, and before Chizuru is a boy her age, with brown hair just above his chin, cloaked in a black cape. “How cold of you to forget your dear twin brother, Chizuru,” he says, his voice a few pitches lower and far crueler, “Although I have never stopped thinking of you, ever since that day.” Mind blank, Chizuru can only widen her eyes as she continues to listen to Kaoru speak.

“This is proof—see my sword? Its name is the Daitsuuren , and it is the companion to your Shoutsuuren , both being emblems of the Yukimura clan, the largest demon clan of the East. Humans came to our village, trying to use us for their own means. Because our parents, the heads of the clan, declined, they murdered everyone and burned our home to ruins. Afterwards, I chose to go to the Nagumo clan in your stead, fearing they would hurt you, with you being a prized female demon. When they realized I was a boy and could not bear children, they… were not pleased and decided to punish me for that.” A smile twists his expression. “I did all of this to protect you, Chizuru, only for you to forget and grow up in bliss, coddled by Koudou oji-san [2] … leaving me crawling in the dark…”

Guilt pierces Chizuru’s heart. What should I say? What do I have the right to say to the twin brother I just met, who has been protecting me all this time, while I have been living in such ignorance?

“ … and so, being the kind brother I am, I have a proposal.” Extending a hand, Kaoru says chillingly gently, “Chizuru. Join me in rebuilding the Yukimura clan. We can rid this country of the filthy humans who destroyed our home, once and for all—and you are welcome, too… Miki Saburou.”

Chizuru starts at the name and turns to find a familiar sight. The last time we met, we were still smiling under the wisteria, but now… All left in Miki’s eyes are rage and grief as he glares at Kaoru. 

“‘Demons’, you say… hard to believe, but given that two so-called ‘demons’ named Amagiri and Shiranui got in our way a few moments ago, perhaps you are speaking the truth,” he says coolly. 

“Quick to understand, I see,” Kaoru grins. “That saves me some time. Miki… you and I are quite similar. We both seek revenge for the people we lost. Why not join hands? After all, I have the perfect gift to ease the process.” Chizuru’s eyes widen. He does not mean—

From his sleeve, he pulls out a small vial filled with crimson liquid. “The latest sample of the ochimizu , an elixir that bestows superhuman strength, speed, and healing powers… amazing, is it not? With this, you could easily kill Kondou Isami, Hijikata Toshizou, Saitou Hajime, all of those Shinsengumi dogs in battle… like this. ”

Chizuru runs to stop him, but it is too late. Kaoru gleefully gulps down the liquid and grimaces in pain before his hair turns white and eyes golden. Then, two horns grow from his head, and Miki and her stare in shock for a heartbeat before Kaoru unsheathes his sword, launching an attack at the other man. Miki grits his teeth and reaches for his own katana , but at an unbelievable speed, the back of Kaoru’s Daitsuuren hits below his ribs, knocking the air out of him. 

I should have been able to dodge that easily, Miki thinks, gasping for breath and pushing Chizuru aside when she runs to support him. This boy gets on my nerves, but he is not lying.

“So, Miki? What do you say?” Kaoru sneers, sheathing his sword and offering a second vial to the kneeling man.

“Miki-san, please—”

“Be quiet, Yukimura,” he spits hatefully, and before Chizuru can take the vial from Kaoru’s hands, Miki snatches it and finishes the elixir in one swallow. A burning sensation rises from his throat and spreads to his entire body as his vision blurs. Choking, Miki clasps his chest in agony, and his hair turns white and eyes bright red. 

“No, no,” Chizuru cries, clutching his sleeve. 

“Oh, by the way,” Kaoru adds, laughing maniacally. “The ochimizu has some… undesirable side effects , such as having an unquenchable thirst for blood, going insane, and… ah, no longer being human. We call humans who have consumed the ochimizu ‘ rasetsu ’. The more you use the powers of a rasetsu , the shorter your lifespan is. You can still fight in the day, given this new formulation, but your preference for being awake at night will be undeniably obvious.”

“Why… why are you doing this, Kaoru-san?” his sister croaks, tears brimming. 

“Ha. Is it not obvious? My ultimate delight is in making you suffer, Chizuru,” he responds, voice tinted with madness. “Your expression only proves I was right… in choosing Miki. A demon and a rasetsu … join me. With Koudou oji-san and continued research on the ochimizu , we can become even stronger demons, create even stronger rasetsu , and make humans pay for everything they took from us.”

To their surprise, Miki stands in front of Chizuru, covering her from Kaoru. “Let me make this clear. We are not similar at all,” he growls. “I only target those who are responsible for aniki ’s death, while you indiscriminately kill, throwing your anger at those uninvolved. Yukimura did nothing to cause your suffering—the Nagumo clan or whatever did. The humans who destroyed your home are either dead or only a small proportion of the population. You are just using revenge to justify murder—

“ —and about the side effects, I could care less. I will do whatever it takes to kill those who murdered my brother, even if it destroys me. If anything, using the Shinsengumi’s secret weapon against them is the perfect way to bring them to ruins.” 

‘Even if it destroys me.’ Hearing those words, Chizuru can only tighten her grip on his sleeve, swallowing back more tears. Miki-san does not realize it, but even though he and Kaoru-san may be different… even though he has an admirable way of drawing the line between unjustified killing and revenge… they have the same eyes. The eyes of someone being consumed by hatred, walking the path of self-destruction.

The eyes of someone I cannot leave alone to suffer in the dark.

The younger boy frowns in disappointment before grinning again, laughing unnaturally joyfully, “Very well, then. I will leave you two alone for now… but I will come back for you, Chizuru,” he adds softly. “No killing my dear sister, Miki—or else the demons you just met, Amagiri and Shiranui, will come for you. You are headed for the Satsuma Domain, no? Unfortunately, they are important allies of the new government, so it would be unwise to make them your enemy, especially if your aim is the Shinsengumi.” Waving a hand lazily, Kaoru turns and vanishes into the alleyway, leaving Miki and Chizuru gazing emptily into the shadows.

Miki, with hair and eyes back to normal, looks down at the girl next to him. You and your stupid expression… I can guess what you are thinking now. The shock and grief of losing your father, ‘Yukimura Koudou’, and your twin brother, this ‘Kaoru’ guy, to a world of insanity. Being left on your own, with no one to rely on.

Just like me, with no one by your side. No brother, no family left…

However, the first thing Chizuru whispers is, “ … I am so sorry… so, so sorry, Miki-san.” Finally, the tears flow down her cheeks, and she bites her lip to suppress a sob, frantically wiping her eyes. “If only Father did not invent the ochimizu —”

“—and bring it to the Shinsengumi?” he finishes, sighing tiredly. “That was why you were forced to stay with them, right? There is no need to hide anything from me anymore—demons, rasetsu , being a girl, all of that. I have a good guess about everything at this point.”

Chizuru sniffles and nods. “Miki-san is right… you deserve to know, being dragged into my mess. Like you said, under orders from the shogunate, my father—adoptive father, I suppose—brought the ochimizu to the Shinsengumi and used men who were ordered to commit seppuku as research subjects, although that was voluntary. However, one day, Father disappeared, and the Shinsengumi found me being attacked at night by rasetsu who left headquarters. Since I found out their secret, I agreed to stay with them as Hijikata-san’s page while helping them search for my father. It was only later that I discovered I am a demon… a being with extraordinary healing powers, although female demons are no stronger than an ordinary girl, while males are gifted with supernatural strength.”

“Why were you out at night?”

“Ah, I travelled from Edo to Kyou to search for my father, since he stopped sending letters after he left home for business,” she quickly explains, “I just arrived in town when it happened.”

“......”

“Um, Miki-san?” she asks slowly, looking up to find him stare almost ludicrously at her.

“I thought the Shinsengumi were fools, but you are the biggest idiot of all,” he mutters, managing a small, sad grin. “A girl, coming here on her own, getting dragged into this bloody mess, being forced to dress as a boy and work for free when nothing was her fault… and being grateful to the same bastards who locked her up in the first place. Well, I am no different, I guess… taking you to the Satsuma Domain.” His gaze hardens. “Yukimura Chizuru—do not get me wrong. I may feel a bit sorry for your situation, but I could care less about you right now, other than keeping you alive. 

“I vowed to avenge aniki ’s death, and I will hunt down Kaoru and Yukimura Koudou for their insanity and for toying with me. Do not get in my way. If you do…”

“Even if you may kill me, I will follow you,” Chizuru whispers. “Even if Miki-san says it is not my fault, I want to stop my father—who is rumored to have allied with the Imperial forces—and Kaoru-san. I have had enough of being ignorant of others’ suffering and the ways of this world… and I am worried about Miki-san,” she adds quietly. Worried Miki-san will lose himself to the blackness of hatred… that the Miki-san I know, as scary and teasing as he is, will disappear.

Miki laughs scathingly. “Worried? About your enemy? You are probably just feeling guilty and responsible for me becoming a rasetsu . Spare me your pity and sympathy.”

“‘Pity and sympathy’... perhaps you are right,” she smiles sadly, lowering her head. “I do not have the right to stand next to Miki-san… so… I am sorry, and… thank you. I will be in your care moving forward.” She bows deeply.

Frowning silently, he grabs her wrist as they leave, walking in the direction of the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb’s headquarters. 

‘Pity and sympathy’. Perhaps those words were meant for myself.

Chapter Text

It has been over one month since the Aburano Kouji Incident. It would be a lie to say I do not miss everyone in the Shinsengumi; my heart cannot rest, thinking of what Miki-san will do if he meets them in battle. However, strangely enough, my time in the Satsuma Domain has been alright. Miki-san has been busy fighting as part of the First Unit, and I have been tending to soldiers’ wounds as a medic, utilizing the skills learned from Father and Yamazaki-san. I typically stay in camp, off the battlefield. That is to say, we have not had time to speak much or worry about anything beyond what is in front of us.

I rarely spent time with Miki-san when he was with the Shinsengumi, since I was not permitted to patrol with him, and most of the other captains avoided Itou-san and him—so, being with Miki-san like this has helped me learn many new things about him, beyond the teasing and threats.

I had this sense when I relayed messages that night at Nijo-jo, but Miki-san has a surprisingly strong sense of responsibility when it comes to work. He completes his tasks dutifully and does not take anything personally during missions, just as he calmly received my message that night back at the Shinsengumi, despite his personal grudges towards Hijikata-san and me. He may be painfully honest and abrasive at times, but I do not dislike the way he never sugarcoats his words—-there is a straightforwardness about him that almost makes him feel trustworthy, or at least safe being around, somehow.

He has never once blamed me for what Kaoru-san and Father did to him, or for Itou-san’s death. It is a twisted sense of justice, an almost righteous sense of revenge—but still, one I cannot accept. Perhaps it is partially due to him being a rasetsu and being less energetic in the day, but the fatigue and cold fire in his voice worry me. I know he is still mourning Itou-san’s passing and thinking about avenging his death—and perhaps his brother’s ghost visits him in his dreams, furthering his sorrow. 

I think I can somewhat understand that pain and loneliness—my biological parents were murdered, my brother is lost in his suffering, and my father is the mastermind behind the ochimizu . The only person I have by my side is the one I once feared, hiding everything about myself from him, yet the one who now knows my deepest secrets—

Who is “right” in war? The Shinsengumi, for protecting Kondou-san but assassinating Miki-san’s brother in the process and devoting themselves to their master but throwing away their morality? Itou-san, for framing the Shinsengumi but fighting for his beliefs in his own way? Satsuma, Choshu, Aizu… none of those matter. When it comes to battle, it is the soldiers who die—soldiers with family, friends, people who care for them. I am not naive enough to be a pacifist and say this country can move forward without bloodshed—

—but I am so tired of watching people suffer. At least, in terms of the ochimizu , I believe it is needless… so, no matter what, even if it means fighting against my family, I will stop Father and Kaoru-san. However, imagining the likelihood of having to kill them for this purpose, for my twin brother to die, even if he strayed from the proper path—and for Miki-san to pursue the Shinsengumi, having lost his own older brother—how could I not acknowledge his pain, knowing my own?

“What—” Hijikata exclaims as he, Saitou, Nagakura, and Harada draw their weapons at the rasetsu who ambushes their headquarters at the Fushimi Magistrate’s office. His eyes narrow. “Miki, you bastard… how did you get here? No, more than that… how did you acquire that ?”

Miki glares back and snarls, “I have no reason to tell you any of that. You all will pay for what you did to aniki. ” He swings his katana , only to be swiftly met by Hijikata’s. 

The Vice Commander stares almost uneasily at him and grunts, “You have all the reason to hate us, but I do not regret my decision that night.” Exchanging a few blows, he continues firmly, “And sympathy will not make me let you pass.” Despite being outnumbered, Miki advances fearlessly, the cuts across his body healing each time the four men wound him in a room filled with the odor of smoke and blood.

“Hijikata… Kondou… you bastards —” he roars, bright red eyes penetrating through those of his enemies. It would be a lie to say that none of them feel a twinge of guilt, but there is no hesitation in their movements as they continue to attack him, again and again, wounding but never piercing the heart.

Harada, while deftly wielding his spear, hisses with a quiet fury, “Miki—tell me the truth. When Chizuru vanished, you also disappeared from Aburano Kouji that night. What did you do to her?” Saitou’s expression flickers with the most emotion Miki has ever seen in him, and Nagakura only charges with greater force.

I see… they truly care a lot about that stupid girl. Miki’s lips curl into a cruel smirk. “Oh, that cute little page? I played with her a bit in the alleyway, and after I got tired of it all, I finished her off. It was absolutely delightful, hearing how she whimpered in terror and cried until the very end.”

“‘Her’...” Nagakura’s eyes widen while the other men freeze for a moment, a mix of grief, surprise, guilt, and rage written clearly on their faces, before they simultaneously launch themselves at him and knock him down, driven by sheer emotion.

“Ahaha! ” Miki cackles while wounds shower his body. “This is what you get for all your sins, Shinsengumi dogs!” Finding a gap in their assault, he breaks from the encirclement and fixes his stance. 

Meanwhile, a boy in a black cape with white swirls calmly steps into the room and raises his pistol. I cannot have you exhaust your strength here, Miki. Let me do you a favor and keep you alive for a while longer—until our preparations are complete.

Chizuru gently holds the gauze-wrapped left hand of the man in bed. “Forgive me, Miki-san,” she whispers, voice cracking. “If only I were not here, Kaoru-san would not have targeted you, shooting you with a silver bullet… but if I were gone—”

Hearing you cry out, “ Aniki… aniki, please do not leave me all alone” … how I long for Kaoru-san to walk a different path, too, but perhaps, more than that—for Miki-san to not make that painful expression—even if it means teasing me, flirting with me just to make me flustered…

If you could smile and laugh like you used to, before you knew of this grief.

“Yuki… mura?” a faint voice draws her from her thoughts. Miki’s eyes flutter open, and he grimaces. 

“Miki-san… you woke up,” Chizuru chokes. “How do you feel? Does it hurt a lot?”

“It hurts like hell,” he groans. “That damned Nagumo, hiding the weakness of the rasetsu to use against me, stopping me in my tracks… and those Shinsengumi bastards… they will pay for this.”

Hearing him joke as usual, she manages a teary laugh. “Is there anything you want? Water? I also made some onigiri if you are hungry.”

“Both. I am thirsty and starving… but before that,” he whispers, eyes floating to her hand on his. “Why are you doing this, treating wounds—not just for me, but for the other soldiers? If you are loyal to the shogunate, then are we not your enemy?”

‘Enemy’. Four years ago, that word had no place in my life, because—

“I am a doctor’s daughter,” Chizuru responds sharply, staring at Miki firmly. “When it comes to saving lives, I do not discriminate… just like my father treated his patients in Edo.”

“Even though he is the one who ruined so many people’s lives, too?” he asks, eyes narrowing. 

She bites her lip and nods. “I will do what I can to stop Father and Kaoru-san’s plan… but that does not mean the lessons I learned were all lies. Even if Father has gone astray from his path, saving people’s lives, treating them as equal… this is what I truly believe in.”

One who does not discriminate in killing, the other in healing… they truly are twins, Miki thinks, closing his eyes. “Stopping Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo Kaoru… is it out of revenge for bringing the ochimizu to the Shinsengumi? Anger for betraying your beliefs?”

“Neither. It is just…” Again, Chizuru tries not to cry as she shakes her head. “I do not want to see any more people suffer… like Miki-san is.”

“What an idiot,” he scoffs. “Even though I attacked the Shinsengumi—your old friends? And you do realize the only reason why I am letting you stick around is because I was ordered to, right? There is no reason to involve any personal feelings in this. If it is out of a sense of guilt, like I said before, you did nothing wrong.”

The girl next to him falls silent as she makes a troubled, almost sad, expression. Finally, she quietly leaves the tent to get water and food. 

What a strange girl… after all that has happened, there is no hatred in her eyes, only a deep anguish. So like me in circumstances, yet unlike in heart…

There is no day where I do not think of you, aniki. Just remembering the night I found you, dead on the streets, makes the blood rush to my head, and I want to strangle every single one of the Shinsengumi captains and their leaders with my bare hands—

Curse Nagumo Kaoru and Yukimura Koudou for playing with my life and abusing the idea of revenge—

—but when I see Yukimura fight against her fate in her own way, preserving that stupidly pure heart of hers, I am inexplicably drawn to what I can only call “beauty”—

—and sometimes, part of me hopelessly wishes to trade this darkness for that warmth.

Chapter Text

A few days passed since the Battle of Toba-Fushimi, which ended in a decisive victory for the Imperialists. Despite the small scale of the battle itself, the effects were resounding, with the prestige of the shogunate greatly damaged, perhaps hinting at the certainty of its downfall. As for me, I followed Miki-san to join the new Imperialist revolutionary group called the “Sekihoutai” (Red Herald Regiment), with him being the leader of the Second Regiment and me acting as a medic and servant of sorts. The task of the Sekihoutai is to travel the countryside to spread news about the new government, including a promise on tax reductions, so we have not seen much bloodshed, and Miki-san has not needed to use his rasetsu powers, thankfully.

However, what Kaoru-san said is right: despite being able to endure the sunlight, it is obvious Miki-san is suffering. Every day, he looks exhausted traveling in the day with the other men, and he rarely smiles anymore. All I can sense is sadness and fury—towards the Shinsengumi, Father and Kaoru-san, and perhaps at himself for having not avenged Itou-san’s death yet. While we have heard of a separate troop of rasetsu under the Imperialists and suspect Father is behind it, we have not discovered any information of his whereabouts.

It is frustrating, but more than that, I am worried. Beyond his worsening physical condition from the bloodlust, he looks like a ghost of his former self, only breathing to fulfill his vow of revenge. 

“Yukimura. Get ready to head out.”

“A-Ah, yes, Miki-san,” Chizuru quickly stands up and bows. She cannot meet his eyes, because—

I know the Satsuma Domain ordered everyone to dress in Western attire, although I politely declined, given my lowly position in the regiment, but…

This is too embarrassing!

“Hey, why have you been avoiding me the past few days? Lowering your head and stuttering every time I talk to you,” Miki asks sharply, bending down to peer at her.

“Ah—” she gasps, trying to avert her gaze, but he simply adjusts his position to follow her eyes. A hint of his old teasing self returns as he smirks lightly.

“What are you blushing about, Yukimura? Being a boy and all, dressed in that stupid hakama … this amount of bare skin is quite normal, no?”

Cheeks bright red, Chizuru barely manages to avoid looking at his bare chest and stares awkwardly at the cloud patterns on his dark overcoat, which runs down the length of his black pants and brown boots. As humiliating as it is, to see Miki-san being more like himself is such a relief. If this can help him smile a little more, then…

“Miki-san is too mean, teasing me like that, knowing I am a girl…” she murmurs, finally letting her eyes meet his—still cold and pained, but with a hint of humor hidden somewhere. “It is just… embarrassing… since Miki-san looks very… good… in this…” Her voice is barely audible in the end. I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it, right this moment.

“ Oh? Better than my old clothes?” Miki fake pouts.

“N-No!” Chizuru exclaims. “I-I like Miki-san’s traditional dress more, but this is also very nice… I just have not gotten used to it—”

“Alright, alright… I might have gone too far with the teasing,” he laughs tiredly, his ponytail tickling her cheek as he softly ruffles her hair. “We really need to head out now.” As he turns to leave the tent, he suddenly stumbles and groans, clutching his chest in pain.

“M-Miki-san?!” Chizuru cries out, running to his side as his hair turns white and eyes turn red. T-This is—!

“Shit, not now,” Miki spits as he gasps for breath. “Nagumo, you bastard—”

“This is not the time to think about that!” she shouts. If this is bloodlust, then the only thing I can do is—

Unsheathing her kodachi , Chizuru clenches her teeth and cuts the palm of her left hand, fresh blood spilling down her wrist. Miki’s eyes widen in surprise, and he pants with a near-animalistic hunger, staring at her outstretched hand. “Y-Yukimura, what…”

“If the only way to satisfy bloodlust is to drink blood, then Miki-san can have mine… you still have things you must accomplish, and I… just want Miki-san to be in less pain,” she says with a forced smile. Even if your mission is something I cannot condone, please, for now, just live.

“ Idiot, ” he laughs bitterly. “You get all flustered about some new clothes and then do something as forward as this… who really is the one without enough self-awareness about her gender?” Suddenly, his expression softens, and with ragged breath, he whispers, leaning toward her hand, “S-Sorry, Yukimura.”

Chizuru shakes her head and murmurs as he begins awkwardly licking, then drinking, the blood from her wound, “Please do not apologize… I want to do this for Miki-san.” Unlike his usual overconfident self, he almost seems… bashful, doing this. She shivers. The sensation of his lips on her skin—the first time a man has touched her hand like this—feels strange, but not revolting. Is it because there are no emotions tied to this act, or is it because the other person is Miki-san? 

At the same time, a seed of doubt is planted in Miki’s heart. I am pathetic, relying on a girl like this just to stay sane, hurting an innocent person to achieve my own plans for revenge, doing nothing different from the Shinsengumi—

— aniki , you are my everything… and I dream of bringing down Kondou and that bastard Hijikata every day and night, but is this truly alright? 

“Hey, Yukimura,” Miki suddenly says one day as they rest in the woods, eating while leaning against a large tree trunk. “How often were you in charge of cooking in the Shinsengumi?”

“Eh?” Chizuru asks, surprised. “W-Well, several of us were usually assigned at one time…”

“Then, what about the large banquets and feasts?”

“I… suppose you could say I made most of the main dishes for those occasions,” she responds shyly.

“Hmm,” he murmurs pensively, taking another bite of his umeboshi -filled onigiri [1] . “I was thinking of this since the Sekihoutai was formed, but… your food is not bad, given our limited supplies and needing to be on the move all the time. Meals at the Shinsengumi are probably one of the only things I liked about that damned place.” He frowns in disgust before forcing a faint grin. “Too bad you were Hijikata’s page… otherwise, you would make a fine bride.”

‘Bride’. Chizuru’s heart flutters at the word, both from embarrassment and pain. I have never really thought about it… marriage, finding my life partner. I have been busy searching for my father, dealing with the ochimizu , and thinking about the Shinsengumi, Kaoru-san, and Miki-san, after all.

I wonder what it is like for a demon to fall in love… would it be strange for the other person to be a human? Would there be any special barriers? I really do not know anything about the demon world… how pitiful.

Then again, what kind of human would accept me, with this kind of family, if you can call it one? Now, I have no home, and my background is hardly reputable…

… but if it were Miki-san—wait, what am I thinking?! Flustered, she shakes the thought from her head and turns to the man sitting next to her, his sleeve brushing hers.

“T-Thank you,” Chizuru lowers her head gratefully, although Miki notices the sad expression on her face. “I-I can hardly imagine myself being that, though… a bride.”

“Then that makes two of us,” he chuckles bitterly. “After finishing my business with the Shinsengumi, Yukimura Koudou, and Nagumo… I could care less about what happens to me after that. Heh, maybe killing myself and going to meet aniki on the other side would be—”

—but then, where would Yukimura go? Wandering all alone, bereft and defenseless, after taking from her like they did to me.

“Miki-san.” For the first time, Miki senses something akin to anger in Chizuru’s voice as she stares up at him, eyes filled with tears. It would be selfish of me to say, “please do not go”, especially if he wishes to follow Itou-san, but at least—

“Please… cherish yourself more.”

Suddenly, they start at the sound of hands clapping as someone emerges from the shadows. The black cape and twisted, maniac smile are unmistakable. “Kaoru-san…” Chizuru breathes before reflexively stepping in front of Miki. 

What—why is she the one defending me? His eyes widen, baffled.

“Cruel as usual, Chizuru,” her brother sneers. “Why not call me onii-san ? Am I really that small of an existence to you?”

Miki rises and forcefully pulls her behind him, scowling, “What do you want, Nagumo?”

“Is it not obvious? I am here to visit my dear imouto … and ask that you reconsider my proposal,” he responds, shrugging his shoulders. “My offer still stands—if you join Koudou oji-san and me, we can build a castle of demons and rasetsu and easily kill every single person behind your brother’s assassination. Is that not what you want?”

“And get tricked by you again? Maybe get killed ourselves? Destroy the whole country? Enough with the nonsense,” Miki snarls, drawing his sword and transforming.

As if he had expected this response, Kaoru grins and unsheathes his Daitsuuren , eyes turning gold and hair snow white. “Do not blame me for what happens after this, Miki.” In a flash, he leaps forward. 

The least I can do is not be in Miki-san’s way, Chizuru thinks as she steps back, trying to hide behind the tree they were sitting under moments ago. Unlike Sannan-san, the wound on his left hand is not disabling, but it is still healing, so he cannot fight with his full strength.

Although Miki is taller and stronger under typical circumstances, Kaoru, being a demon, unwounded and with powers amplified by the ochimizu , soon gains the upper hand. Chizuru clenches her teeth and draws her own kodachi, trying to maintain distance from the two, but it is futile—

—as Kaoru finds an opening when Miki’s hands shake, left hand soaked in bloody gauze, and dashes to his sister at a speed no eye can track—

—and Miki knows. At that critical moment, his softness may have been a step towards his heart’s salvation, but the only thing Chizuru can feel is an iron grip and a glass vial being shoved into her mouth as a burning liquid drips down her throat, and she desperately tries to cough it all up, realizing—

“Ahahaha! ” Kaoru cackles, beaming in glee as Miki catches the girl as she collapses, gasping. “This is what happens when you grow cowardly, Miki. You fail to move forward with revenge and protect who you care about—Itou, Chizuru, everyone. This is truly delightful, watching you two suffer together, playing into my hands without even realizing it… I will be looking forward to the day I make you my lovely doll for the Yukimura clan… my dear imouto .”

“You—” Miki hisses, attempting to raise his sword again, but Kaoru vanishes, and the woods fall quiet, save for the sound of Chizuru panting. “Yukimura! Get yourself together.” He sheathes his sword and puts his hands on her shoulders. 

The feverish pain seems to dull when she looks up at him. Miki-san is frowning again… guilt is written all over his face, all because of me. “I am… so sorry, Miki-san,” she whispers, trying not to cry. “I am hurting you again…”

“Idiot!” he yells, far louder than anticipated. She trembles from the shock and bites her lip, suppressing a whimper. 

“No—what I mean is…” he murmurs, gently wrapping his arms around her and pressing her face against his chest. “I should be the one apologizing—for making you go through this, all because I was too weak—”

“Miki-san… thank you,” Chizuru says, sniffling. “Thank you… for thinking about my feelings when you fought with Kaoru-san. Therefore, please… do not blame yourself.” She responds by awkwardly wrapping her own small arms around him as she softly pats his back, the agony in her chest gradually subsiding.

Strange, Miki thinks. To find comfort in such a simple act, being hugged by a girl whose hair smells like plum blossoms, when I reek of blood…

How easy it would be to go away. If I were gone… or even dead, then Kaoru-san’s plan would be stalled, or at least simpler to stop. Perhaps Miki-san would not be targeted like this. However, when he looks at me in a way that screams, “Please, let me die”, how could I leave him?

Chapter Text

After being forced to drink the ochimizu , walking in the day has become more difficult, but I try to endure it and not drag Miki-san behind. As usual, we have been traveling the country to spread news about the new government, but a few days ago, we were called to return to headquarters in Kyou, along with the rest of the regiment. While the First Unit, led by Sagara Souzou, did not comply, Miki-san and I went back as asked, only for us to learn that the government failed to fulfill the promises in tax reductions and declared the Sekihoutai a “false army” as a scapegoat. As a result, Miki-san, his men, and I have been imprisoned…

“Damn it!” Miki yells, thrusting a fist into the wall. “What do they mean, ‘false army’? After all that propaganda they ordered us to spread, they blame us for their failures? The government aniki put his faith in, that I joined to avenge him, to betray us like this—” His voice cracks and shoulders shake from rage. 

“First, it is the Shinsengumi, then Nagumo Kaoru, and now the Imperialists… there are so many people to hate, so many people I want to kill that I do not know where to start,” he laughs painfully, clenching his teeth. “Perhaps Nagumo was right in wanting to destroy every single thread tied to his suffering. Why try to draw the line when there is none left?”

Chizuru can only listen silently as he continues, seething, “Then, there is you… Yukimura. It is so… vexing , how you can face all of this without hating anyone. The Shinsengumi locked you up and forced you to dress as a boy for years, stealing your youth. Your father is the mastermind behind an elixir that could destroy the country, and your brother forced you to drink it… and I am the one who dragged you into this mess. The inability for you to loathe us… wish for anyone to die… it is honestly so, so irritating.” He turns, violet eyes like knives carving into her heart. Before any of them can speak, Miki suddenly feels his chest twist in agony, and he gasps, clutching his shirt as a rush of bloodlust rises up his throat.

“A–Ahh…!”

“Miki-san!” Chizuru shouts, supporting him as he falls to his knees. His mental instability may have triggered this… oh, no, she bites her lip in worry. They confiscated our weapons. If that is the case, then—

She leans Miki against the wall and opens her mouth, sinking her teeth into her left hand. The metallic taste of blood makes her feel dizzy as she suppresses her own bloodlust, and she reaches her hand out. “Here,” Chizuru whispers, and his lips quiver in hesitation before he drinks her blood, this time more fervently. Pain shoots up her arm, and she winces.

“S-Sorry,” Miki murmurs guiltily, trying not to further suck on the wound.

“A-Ah, it is alright,” she says, forcing a smile. “This will heal soon—I am a demon, after all.”

“Idiot,” he sighs, the crazed look in his eyes finally subsiding as his hair turns back to its usual deep blue. “If this continues, these wounds may never heal, you know.”

Chizuru responds quietly, “I can handle it if the time comes… but for now, I have decided to do whatever helps Miki-san.”

“Despite being the mess I am?” he laughs, mocking himself. “Failing at avenging aniki ’s death, failing to finish off Nagumo, failing at protecting you… not knowing what is right anymore. In the past, it was simple—just obey whatever aniki said, but now, my mind is in tatters.”

“What is ‘right’ … I wonder if there is such a thing when it comes to war and killing,” she says wistfully, lowering her eyes to the wound on her hand, which is already closing up. “Like Miki-san said, I do not hate Father, Kaoru-san, the Shinsengumi, or you—but I am not incapable of feeling anger, pain, and sadness… nor am I ignorant enough to believe we can live in a world free of war.” She smiles sorrowfully. “Perhaps I have no right to tell Miki-san whether to take revenge on all who have hurt you, but I wish… for Miki-san to suffer less, and I believe that killing for the sake of what is already lost, what will never come back… will only bring Miki-san more pain.”

Fury rises in Miki’s chest, and he stares harshly at Chizuru. “Are you telling me to just let the Shinsengumi go, after all they did? Because they are your friends?”

She vigorously shakes her head. “In the past, I would have adamantly stood on the Shinsengumi’s side, but now, I just want everyone, including Miki-san, to live without being chained by hatred. Do you not know?” At that moment, it seems to him as if she is about to cry. “Ever since Itou-san’s death… Miki-san has rarely smiled. That is natural, of course, losing your older brother, but I am scared… looking at Miki-san making the expression of one who is so tormented he would rather die…” 

I have never wished so strongly for someone to be happy before. Perhaps it is because you are the reflection of my shadow, if I chose the darkness instead… because you can understand my heart the most—

“And why does that matter to you?” he hisses. “Are you selfishly trying to keep me alive out of pity for someone who reminds you of yourself, pushing your own desires on me? Or do you want to avoid the sense of guilt of being involved in my death? Or are you so lonely and useless in war that you need me to shield you, being unable to survive if I died—”

“Miki-san.” Unlike Itou, there is no anger or frustration in her voice, only sadness. “Pity, guilt, loneliness—like you said, those feelings exist inside me, but more than that”—and tears brim—“Is it really that difficult to believe that I simply want someone hurting to be happy? Has Miki-san not wished that for someone before? Do you truly want to die… or just another way of life?”

“Then, what about you?” Miki whispers, slightly shaken—because all her words ring true. “Have you not wished to run away from all of this… live peacefully as a girl, faraway from war? Is being around me not painful?”

“As difficult as it may be to believe, it was my decision to follow Miki-san. I vowed to stop Father and Kaoru-san, no matter how arduous the path is… and even if Miki-san does not blame me, I am partially responsible for dragging you into this situation with the demons and rasetsu .”

Suddenly, the air around them seems to further chill as he lowers his eyes and laughs tiredly. “Is that all? Just a sense of duty? Offering your blood to me out of sympathy, so I can stay sane and not murder you? When everything is over… when Kondou and Hijikata are dead… if I kill Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo Kaoru… I guess you will leave me, too. Just like everyone else—Saitou Hajime. Toudou Heisuke. Aniki .”

Even though I do not doubt your worry for me or your resolution to stop your family, I cannot help but think you will go away—how could you bear being around someone who killed your father and older brother? If it were me, I would want to kill him myself.  

I am… afraid. Afraid of being left alone in this dark, cold place screaming of death, death, death… consumed by my own black thoughts and the hopelessness of having no other path but to hate and be hated, hurt and be hurt, set everything and everyone aflame, including myself… 

This suicidal pain.

I say it is “irritating”, and a few months ago, I would have gladly killed her if she got in my way, or used her to threaten the Shinsengumi… but now, even though my body as a rasetsu may be thirsting for blood, more than that—

My heart is crying for someone to save me—for Yukimura’s warmth, for her to show me a way out of my despair… for her to care about me, not because she “must”, but because she “wants to”—

—even though I have nothing to offer her. Even though she has every right to leave me. 

A tender voice calls him out of his trance. “Hey, Miki-san,” Chizuru whispers, smiling as she peers into his face. For all the times you gave me your brutal honesty, it is time for me to respond with mine.

“It might seem like I am handling everything calmly, like I have hardened my resolve when it comes to Father and Kaoru-san… but honestly, I am terrified. There have been countless nights when my heart felt like it was breaking apart, and all I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep or run far, far away from everything, escaping from reality… but Miki-san was always with me, reminding me of what I truly wish for—to help lessen the suffering in this world… including Miki-san’s—even now, your reminder of my uselessness in battle makes me think, ‘Ah, there must be something I can do on the battlefield rather than away from it, being able to heal from wounds as a demon. There are more lives I can save.’

“So, thank you for being here,” she murmurs. “Your honesty, the way you care for Itou-san… have given me the courage to face my situation, and your teasing, although mean… have cheered me up. I am not sure what will happen moving forward, but I can say with certainty that… I need Miki-san.”

His eyes widen. “Yukimura… needs me? The mess I am? You… truly mean it?”

“Truly,” she responds, trying not to let the ache in her chest break her smile. “Miki-san being here… reminds me I am not all alone, so… as long as it is alright with you, I will gladly stay by your side. Just like you wanted to learn more about me, I also… want to hear all about you, get along with you… if talking to me helps when it hurts too much.”

Is it really okay to set down this burden, even if for a moment… will you be angry at me, aniki ? 

I am so, so tired… is it okay to rest and depend on her kindness?

“Then…” Miki says reluctantly, “Could you… sit next to me, just for a while?” Chizuru nods, settling to his right side, and he begins to speak.

“I was born as the second son in my family, with aniki being the eldest. After my father was exiled from the domain, he opened a shijuku [1] , which he ran until he passed away when I was 16 years old [2] , and I managed it afterwards. At that time, aniki had already left home.”

“16 years old… the same age I left Edo to search for Father,” Chizuru gasps. Miki chuckles tiredly.

“I guess we are similar in more aspects than I thought… fathers and brothers, heh. Anyway…” he winces. “I messed things up pretty badly, neglecting classes and picking fights, and eventually, the school closed. I was adopted for a time but was driven out for drinking too much.”

“Ah…” Chizuru winces. I think I can understand that, seeing what Miki-san was like, drunk at Shimabara that night, after Itou-san left the room. 

“No need to comfort me. I have always been that way—loud-mouthed, brash, doing whatever I like, causing chaos, failing. I left for Edo to find aniki , and a lot happened before we joined the Shinsengumi, but no matter what happened, no matter what I did… aniki never gave up on me.” A sad smile softens Miki’s expression, and he continues reminiscently, 

“ Aniki is really quite the opposite of me—eloquent, thinking before he acts, staying away from violence and maintaining a refined image, speaking in riddles or having hidden meanings behind his words… the Shinsengumi hated him for all of that, I know. Even though our personalities were so different, I always listened to him—because I never got anything right on my own, and despite him chastising me, saying things like, ‘Saburou is such a child’, ‘Please do not mind this boy’, he was the only one who genuinely cared for me and stayed by my side. For him to be gone… seeing his body covered in blood when he hates everything unclean—”

Miki grits his teeth and clenches his fists in grief. Unable to do anything else, Chizuru lays a hand on top of his and whispers, “Miki-san really cherished Itou-san, it seems.”

“He was my guidepost, my everything… without him, I have no reason to live except to avenge his death… but I cannot even do that,” he chokes, fighting back tears. “All I do is make things worse, including for you, Yukimura.”

She frowns and sighs. “I know Miki-san will not believe me, but none of what happened is your fault, and I have never blamed you for it—nor do I now.” Her eyes soften. “Also, as much as Itou-san means to you… I think Miki-san is more diligent than he thinks. You properly received my message that night at Nijo-jo, fulfilled your duties properly ever since we joined the Satsuma Domain, and never accused me of anything Father and Kaoru-san did. There are so many things Miki-san can do well on his own, and I believe in the Miki-san who can open up to me about his past, speaking with me like this… the Miki-san who is changing for the better—and, as for being a mess,” she chuckles, “I am the same… rashly running to Kyou as a 16-year-old girl after Father disappeared, getting dragged into such a dangerous world without resolving anything.” 

Chizuru lowers her head. “I really… am an idiot. Maybe things would not have worsened so much if I stayed at Father’s clinic and trained under Matsumoto-sensei, becoming a doctor. Maybe I would not have met Kaoru-san, and Miki-san would not have learned about the ochimizu .”

“Then, do you regret your decision to leave home?” Miki asks quietly.

“I would rather know the truth about Father’s actions than live all my life in ignorance… and if there are lives I can save in war, then I want to,” she says slowly, “But to think of how I hurt Miki-san—”

“Yukimura,” he interjects firmly. “Like I said, the ones who toyed with me are Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo Kaoru, not you, and if they intend to destroy the country, then I would stop them on my own. Aniki would have been assassinated, whether you joined the Shinsengumi or not—it is not like you participated in the plot. I probably would have encountered the ochimizu sooner or later, given how I must cross paths with Kondou and his men to avenge aniki . To think you influenced all this is conceited.” The words are harsh, but somehow, they soothe rather than sting. “Moreover, I—” He stops himself.

“Miki-san?”

“No, never mind,” Miki sighs before grinning tiredly. “I just thought, being in this awful prison would be a lot more boring without a cute girl to talk to… although she is an idiot.”

Chizuru chuckles tearily. “Miki-san… you are actually quite kind. I am really glad I met you… I do not think I could handle all of this on my own.”

“Yukimura,” he breathes, gazing into her large, warm brown eyes. Even though her clothes are dirty, to him, she still looks so…

Beautiful, like your heart. Unlike me, you care about others’ hurts, despite being hurt yourself.

Perhaps it is because of the toll from the bloodlust, grief, and storytelling, but in the minutes of silence, Miki’s eyes begin to droop. At least, let me tell her this…

“Sorry…”

Sorry for being so mean. Sorry for dragging you into this place. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for taking you away from your friends, despite them being the bastards they are. Sorry for being so weak. Sorry for—

Gently, Chizuru lets his head rest on her lap, and she strokes his thick, blue hair, murmuring, as if soothing a child to sleep, “There is no need to apologize for anything… like I said, I am thankful it is Miki-san by my side, so please… be kinder to yourself. I will be here, so… sleep well, and may you have a good dream.”

Hearing her voice, for the first time in months, Miki falls into a deep slumber, walking under a bright blue sky, surrounded by the smell of warm food and the sound of laughter, guided by the small hand of someone whose face he cannot see, but he knows—it is she.

Chapter Text

Fire, everywhere. The sound of screams and the stench of corpses. I want to vomit, and my tears cannot stop as I watch my parents burn in front of me—

Blood… I need blood—give me blood… Miki-san—

“Yukimura? Yukimura!” A strong hand shakes her awake, and Chizuru’s eyes fly open as she shudders. Sensing a strange heaviness on her head, she reaches her hands up, only to touch two sharp horns while her throat continues to itch from bloodlust. 

Gulping in horror, she tries to push Miki away and yells, “P-Please, Miki… san… leave… before I do anything!”

However, he is far stronger and pulls her close, stroking her hair. “If it is the bloodlust, then you can drink my blood,” he whispers as she continues to tremble. 

At the same time, a sly voice echoes in her mind. The one you love is offering you his blood… there is no better way to express your passion than by accepting his offer. To reject would be a sin.

“N-No!” Chizuru screams, covering her ears with her hands. “I-I cannot possibly injure Miki-san, so please…”

“I do not mind.”

“But I do,” she gasps, fighting against the urge tearing her chest apart. “After I… hah … asked Miki-san to cherish himself more… for me to… hah … go against those words… and my blood, as a demon… should be stronger than the ochimizu ,” she finishes, knees going weak from the nausea rising up her throat.

“Then, I will be here until you calm down,” Miki murmurs, hugging her tightly. Chizuru shivers, golden eyes scrunched in agony. 

This is all my fault. Do I even have the right to seek revenge… aniki ? Will you not tell me the answer, as you always did?

As her breathing steadies, she transforms back and croaks, “Thank you… and I am sorry… for showing such a hideous form.” Suddenly, she is aware of her ear pressed against his chest, and her cheeks warm as she hears his heartbeat—firm, steady, and somehow incredibly comforting.

Miki’s violet eyes widen before he bursts into laughter, all his dark thoughts blown away. “I was worried for a moment, but hearing you fret about something so trivial… heh. You really are an idiot. Who do you think I am? Demon, rasetsu , human, whatever… to me, you have always been a strange girl who is stubborn, naive, and dumb…”

Ah—this is exactly what Miki-san would say, Chizuru thinks. Calling me an idiot but being right about it. Saying what he thinks and doing as he pleases, just like he is now, but being level-headed at the crucial moments. Accepting me as I am. How these words save me.

Slowly, she begins to speak as he continues to stroke her hair. “I… had a dream about the past… back when I lived with Kaoru-san in the Yukimura village with my biological parents. It was a peaceful place, far from human civilization, with many flowers and trees… and the demons respected my parents very much. Everyone was happy, and Kaoru-san… onii-san was laughing, holding my hand… but then, they came.” She can no longer hold back the tears in her eyes.

“They came and burned everything… everyone was screaming: the elderly, women, and children. My parents were murdered and left in the flames, and everywhere was the stench of flesh and cries of demons desperately wanting to live, but the humans did not stop… onii-san had to drag me away as I still carried the flowers I picked from the garden.

“Why? Why were we made to suffer for wanting to live in peace? Is it so wrong… to desire a life apart from human strife?” Her final words trickle into a small sob.

“Do you want to accept Nagumo’s proposal, then? Rebuild your home and raise an army to avenge your village?” Miki asks softly.

Chizuru clutches his sleeve and shakes her head forcefully, finally lifting her face to stare back at him, her sad, brown eyes surprisingly determined. “While I cannot forgive the humans who destroyed my home, there are many good people I have met… and not all demons are ‘right’, either, since Father and Kaoru-san have hurt many humans in the process through the ochimizu . Even if I found the humans who burned the Yukimura village and killed them… the stabbing pain in my chest will not disappear. Those days, my parents, my brother, the way he used to be—none of them will ever come back. I just wish for this cycle of violence and hatred to end… not to perpetuate it… not to make any more people suffer.” Hearing her words, he utters a small sigh of relief.

“But still…” she sniffles. “It hurts so much… thinking about what this means… leaving Father and my brother. They both used to be so kind… I was happy with them, long ago, playing in the fields, treating patients together, our days filled with laughter… but now, I am… so lonely… hic… I really have… no home…”

“You really are an idiot, crying over such an awful family... but a strong-hearted one,” he chuckles. “Cry all you want here… no one will see your ugly teary face except me.”

“Miki-san is… hic… really mean,” Chizuru huffs, although she finally laughs a little at the end, “But… it cheers me up… thank you.”

Foolishly kind and forgiving to the point of always getting hurt… who knows what it feels like to lose everything, yet moves forward in the light, believing in what is good… and believing in me… 

—and, as I thought ever since I first saw her as Hijikata’s page, she is pretty, too. Someone I want to hug like this… perhaps spend the rest of my days with… create a home for, instead of walking a path of destruction—

‘Saburou, you ungrateful child. How could you forget about your dear older brother?’ 

“Hey… Yukimura,” he says after her sobs calm, trying to distract from his own dark thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“If you do not mind… tell me some stories of the Shinsengumi—stories from before my brother and I came.”

“Eh? Is that… alright with Miki-san?” Her eyes widen, and she bites her lip uneasily. “Knowing how you feel about them…”

“Would I lie?” Let me learn to see the world through your eyes, just as you can understand the hearts of both your enemies and allies. Let me not think of aniki , even if it is only for a moment.

Chizuru smiles and shakes her head. “Thank you… for worrying about me. I am fine now. Also…” Her blush deepens as she averts her gaze. “Is it… not uncomfortable for Miki-san, being like this?”

The last time I hugged her like this was probably when Nagumo made her drink the ochimizu . Just like then, I did this to comfort her, but now…

“I do not mind, but I can let go, if you prefer,” he whispers, loosening his wrap around her. Even if she does not dislike me, maybe she only cares for me out of sympathy. Maybe she will throw me away once I am no longer “needed”.

This is so unlike me, being all nervous and worried about what others think… being considerate towards others, and hiding my emotions.

Miki-san has changed… grown softer, perhaps, from all the loss, Chizuru thinks sadly, although her heart warms at his show of kindness. “I… do not mind, either,” she replies shyly, and Miki’s heart races, the ghost of a smile creeping on his face as he hugs her a little tighter.

Ah—finally, I can see him smile. Moved by the hint of his old liveliness, Chizuru says slowly, “Hmm… then, how about I begin with the story of Okita-san, Saitou-san, and Yamazaki-san trying to catch a stray cat in Yagi House [1] …”

“Wait… demons attacked when we were guarding Nijo-jo? And to abduct you as this ‘Kazama’ guy’s bride?!” Miki’s eyes widen as he listens to Chizuru recount her various stories surrounding the demon trio.

“Y-Yes. The Kazama clan is the largest demon clan of the West, so it makes sense that Kazama-san would want me, the last pureblood female demon from the largest clan in the East, to marry him…”

“… and that somehow justifies his attempts to kidnap you?” he frowns.

“N-Not really,” Chizuru stammers, “But Kazama-san is not a terrible person… I think. He has no love of war and appreciates architecture… and he was worried about me doing so many chores around the headquarters and wished I lived in a better environment.”

Miki sighs. “That is only because you were living in a house full of absolute fools. Anyone normal would be worried.”

“I-Is that so…?”

“Yes, idiot, ” he spits. Suddenly, he pauses. “You mentioned not imagining yourself being a bride… did you not consider his proposal seriously? Well, not that I would, I suppose.”

“Ahaha,” she chuckles. “I respect Kazama-san’s sense of duty towards his clan, but back then, perhaps it was because I was dressed as a boy all the time, I kind of forgot how to respond properly as a girl…”

“Pfft,” Miki bursts into laughter, a sound Chizuru has not heard him utter in a long time. “What kind of excuse is that? Anyone with a working vision and brain would know you are a girl—the way you talk in such a high pitch, walk in small steps, smell like flowers—”

“ … Eh?” Her cheeks flush. I knew Miki-san suspected I was a girl back at headquarters, but was it that obvious? It almost sounds like he—no, he must be teasing me again. Chizuru timidly lifts her head, only to find Miki turned away from her, bangs hiding his eyes as he bites his lip guiltily. 

Back then, I was simply curious and wanted to play around with her, but now, if I put these feelings into words, only for her to leave…

“A-Anyway,” Chizuru says quickly, returning to the topic of conversation. “I-I suppose, more than all of that, I do not want to marry someone I do not love… as silly and childish as it sounds.”

Then… what about here, now, with me? The selfish part of me wants to bind you to me, have you by my side forever to remind me of what it means to live away from this torturous hatred—but it would be too cruel to drag you further into my darkness—

—the way you smile when you are with me, let me hug you… but you are the kind of girl who would dress as a geiko and infiltrate Shimabara for the same men who threatened to kill you… and so I cannot help but doubt—

However, hearing you speak of the demons, the Shinsengumi captains, everyone… even though I cannot forgive them for killing my brother, and I still think they are all idiots… if my comrade were unjustly framed for Sakamoto Ryouma’s assassination… if I knew in advance that aniki was to be assassinated by the Shinsengumi…

If they were comrades I shared meals and drunken stories about failed seppuku and pretty girls with, under the blossoming sakura, had snowball fights and crossed bamboo swords with, wrongly accused, about to be killed—then I, too, would have killed Kondou Isami first.

Aniki … it feels so wrong to think this way… but perhaps what Yukimura says is true, that “right” and “wrong” may not be as distinct in war…

… and if I really kill the men of the Shinsengumi, will she ever smile at me again? Will I only make her cry—

—and what about you, aniki ? What if revenge is what you so desire? Will I be betraying you if I let them live?

“Still, hearing your stories almost makes me feel sorry for Hijikata and Okita,” Miki mutters, trying to shake away his anxieties. “A vice commander doing all the dirty work, a boy being forced to believe his only way to be useful is to kill as the Sword of the Shinsengumi… Kondou really is a bastard.”

“But…”

“I know what you want to say: ‘Kondou-san is very nice and treats everyone well’. Putting on a kind face while dragging his men into immoral experiments like the ochimizu , making death more desirable than life, just to gain the favor of a government that abandoned its soldiers—that sort of sweet poison is just cruel,” he growls. “Making everyone else look like the villains while he gets to be clean from sin… what the Shinsengumi needs is a leader , not a father figure. This is why I hate the damned place.”

The words bite, but after getting to know Miki-san better, hearing him speak about Itou-san’s ideals… I realize his abrasive, straightforward nature helps me face reality properly, reminding me there is no one “right” way in politics. Right. The Shinsengumi may be my friends… but this is war, not playing house. The outcome may determine the fate of Japan—whether we fall to foreign influence or stand strong. We are all fighting to protect our home, and as much as I appreciate everyone in the Shinsengumi and their loyalty towards the shogunate, I cannot help but doubt.

Even now, I do not know who our country needs—the shogunate, the new government, or neither—but I do know what I desire: to save lives, and to follow him so his path does not lead astray, even if we both stumble in our choices, even if everyone else forsakes him. My journey with the Shinsengumi has ended. I must not let my resolve waver.

No… these are only excuses. I just want to be with him, and I will be… until he can live comfortably, happily, as himself.

“Thank you, Miki-san,” she whispers. He lifts his gaze slowly, a pair of hard, angry eyes meeting hers. 

“What for?” he grunts. “I just stated my thoughts.”

“That in itself is enough,” Chizuru smiles, and his eyes flicker, expression softening. “Remember what I said? Your honesty and the way you draw the line between personal feelings and formal matters have… helped guide me to the path I want to walk, remind me of what matters most, keep a strong heart… and changed me for the better.”

“Really…?” Is being me… really enough?

“Really… and I will say so, as many times as it takes for you to believe it.”

Chapter Text

Nearly three months have passed since Miki-san and I were imprisoned as a scapegoat for the new government’s failure to fulfill the promise of tax reductions to the people. Our everyday life has consisted of eating, sleeping, and telling each other stories… thankfully, Miki-san has been smiling more, although he seems deeply troubled by something and often looks as if he is holding back from telling me something. It has been especially so ever since we learned that the First Unit of the Sekihoutai was executed for disobeying orders to return to Kyou in early April.

However, today is different—this morning, a guard informed us that Kondou Isami, Commander of the Shinsengumi, was executed for participating in the assassination of Sakamoto Ryouma, and was beheaded instead of given a noble death by seppuku . 

“Ugh… damn it!” A fist pounds against stone. “Why—why am I not happy? Kondou Isami, the mastermind behind aniki ’s death, is gone—yet I cannot laugh. I should be elated, cursing him and those Shinsengumi dogs as his head rolls in the mud like the brute he is, stripped of the choice to die as a warrior—

“But my chest is so empty, and my heart hurts as much as it did the day I carried aniki’s corpse in my arms. Even if I manage to chase down Hijikata and chop his head off myself, the one who visits me in my dreams will never come back to me. He will be asleep, forever, and one day, I might even forget his voice, what he looks like—” Miki’s voice shakes with grief as he faces the wall, shoulders slumped and long hair hiding a torrent of tears.

“I know… I know aniki was not always right, that Kondou did not plot Sakamoto’s assassination… that framing that bastard Harada and plotting an assassination were unforgivable moves on aniki ’s end… that revenge will only make this cold void inside grow until it and the bloodlust swallow me… but if not revenge, then what? There are the Imperialists who executed Sagara and his men for their own damn mistake—and I thought I could trust them, follow in aniki ’s footsteps—and Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo Kaoru, the ones toying with our lives and trying to ruin this entire country…

“Even if I kill all the Shinsengumi members responsible for aniki ’s death and everyone else who  betrayed me, the emptiness will not disappear—I would prefer death instead of having to shoulder this agony all my life… but if I die now, having accomplished nothing, how could I bear facing aniki when I meet him again?

“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts … I just want to be free from this pain.” Chizuru rests a hand on his back, quietly waiting for his sobs to calm.

To imagine Kondou-san dead… think of how Hijikata-san, Okita-san, and everyone would react… how could I not cry myself? If Miki-san were not here, I would break into tears, huddled in a ball in some corner of this dark prison, but right now, something tells me he is hurting far, far more than I am.

Finally, Miki turns to her, and he whispers hoarsely, “Tell me… Yukimura, what the hell do I do with myself?” 

Chizuru pauses before trying to speak as lightheartedly as possible. “Miki-san, do you remember? When we were first imprisoned months ago, I asked you if you truly wished for death or a different way of life. Have you found an answer? Does Miki-san not have anything he believes in doing, apart from Itou-san… apart from revenge?”

He gulps. “How could I possibly think of that? Would I not be betraying aniki by not avenging his death, instead living happily, after all the suffering he went through and all he did for me? When I finally reunite with him… will he be angry?”

“I do not know what Itou-san thinks,” Chizuru says sadly, lowering her eyes. “For me, I wish Kaoru-san could give up on his plan, and we could get along like we did when we were children, without hating the world… but if Itou-san were truly like Kaoru-san, desiring revenge above all else, including your own happiness—although given what I heard from Miki-san about your brother, I can hardly imagine that would be the case… then I think it is alright to live differently… no, not just differently,” she says firmly, “But as yourself .”

“Living as myself… is it alright to consider that, given I might mess up again… like how I have been, all this time?”

“Even so, I want to hear what Miki-san—not anyone else—wants, even if it all feels like a dream… even if you still doubt yourself.”

Miki inhales sharply. “I… I have been thinking for a while, what I want to do moving forward. Even though I disagree with how the new government handled the Sekihoutai, I still believe it is our best chance at protecting the country, and I want to fight for that. I also want to stop Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo, not just for personal reasons, but because I do not want what happened to your home to repeat… for someone like Yukimura to lose her family… her brother—

“—but what about you, Yukimura?” he presses, voice shaking. “Will you be angry at me if I kill your father and older brother?” Because if you will, then none of this matters—I will only be hated by the people I care for, dead and alive.

She sighs. “Miki-san says I am an idiot, asking questions I should know the answer to… but he is the same. Even though I hope I can convince Father and Kaoru-san to stop, I have learned from you how to not let my emotions get in the way in these moments, too. If protecting the happiness of the people of this country, creating a world where people like Miki-san can smile, means fighting against my family and becoming the Shinsengumi’s enemy… then I will follow Miki-san to the Satsuma Domain and beyond… to end their madness.

“We are the same, so, for a world where we all can live peacefully, let us fight together—I will not leave you alone on this journey. I promise.”

Then, what happens afterwards? Miki wonders. Even though it sounds like you… care for me for reasons beyond a sense of responsibility, my chest feels like it is being torn apart not knowing for certain. 

‘Promise’. What a burdensome, fragile word. Miki separates from her, unable to meet her eyes as he asks, laughing faintly, “After everything ends… I wonder how Yukimura will be living.”

“Hmm…” she muses. “I have not given it much thought, but I will probably want to continue studying medicine, perhaps under Matsumoto-sensei, and return to Edo and manage the Yukimura clinic… in Father’s stead.”

‘In Father’s stead’. It is easy to say now that you do not blame me, but after it all happens, even if you accept ending your father’s life as your duty, can you truly be happy with the one who executed the deed—when you watch your family be cut down and go limp, a pool of blood in your arms?

“What about Miki-san?” Chizuru’s voice draws him from his thoughts. “What do you want to do after the war?”

“Ah, me? I-I suppose I might do something similar to what I did in Kyou… as a police officer, perhaps [1] .” 

And perhaps still pursuing revenge [2] , if I am not dead before that. This is all just a dream, one I will wake up from.

Watching his mouth twist in an unease that festers in her own chest, she wraps her right hand around his left—the one ungloved. Jolting, he finally lifts his head and sees her smile tenderly, perhaps a bit forced—in a worn, damp prison, far from the sun and during a season just past when wisteria trees blossom, but this time, it is directed at no camera.

“Rather than worry about the far future, let us focus on what we can do now, alright? Our prison term is ending soon, and we can join the new government army again.”

“Will I… really be alright?” 

“If Miki-san does not have faith in himself, then… how about trusting that I believe in you?” she proposes. 

All Miki can do is nod hesitantly and smile weakly, “Maybe I could do that.” 

Despite not daring to hope, he still dreams of meeting her again, calling her name in the streets of Edo on an autumn afternoon, taking her, dressed in a lovely silk kimono, out to a dango shop—

If only she had not left the clinic. If only she were not Hijikata’s page, Yukimura Koudou’s daughter, Nagumo Kaoru’s sister. A cruel wish, he knows—for her to lose herself to win her heart—and one he prays will never be fulfilled.

Chapter Text

Early June, Miki-san joined the 7th conscription unit of the new government army and was then assigned as sergeant, and we headed from Edo to the Nagaoka Domain, participating in the Battle of Hokuetsu, while I continued to serve as medic, this time on the battlefield. It ended in an Imperial victory, and now, we are in the Aizu Domain, the last center of the shogunate’s power, fighting at Bonari Pass.

One broken rib… minor cut on the right arm. Chizuru grits her teeth as she, cloaked and in her demon form, tends to the wounded soldier and drags him to a nearby tree. I wish I did not need to use my powers, but I am too weak to carry him on my own, and I need to defend myself, should I be targeted. I cannot possibly worry Miki-san, who is fighting with his life on the line. 

She squeezes the hand of the sweating man, who manages a pained smile. “Thank you… Yukimura-san. Having a pretty girl… to tend my wounds… makes the war a little more bearable.”

Chizuru chuckles and shouts above the sound of gunfire, “Hang on a little longer until we can make camp—please do not give up!” Keeping her head low, she scours a mountain of smoke and blood for the next injured soldier, only for her to widen her eyes and rush towards—

At the same time, Miki clashes swords with the enemy, ending his life with one quick, clean slash. Damn—what is the Aizu thinking, placing so few men at such a strategic entrance to their domain? They are practically asking for defeat. 

The shogunate army, consisting of a mix of Aizu forces, Shinsengumi men, and members of other domains, shudder at the overwhelming strength, both in numbers and weaponry, of the Imperial forces. “W-We must be doomed,” some of them murmur amongst each other. “T-There have been rumors of a demon on the other side! I-Is it going to peel off our skin and crush our bones?”

“Nonsense. You must have been reading too many ghost stories.”

“B-But I swear I saw it! It looked like a young woman—probably to seduce us and then eat us whole!”

“I-I do not want to die like this!” a terrified man screams, legs shaking as he drops his sword.

Saitou Hajime almost stops in his tracks as their conversation reaches his ears. “Get yourself together! Focus on your opponent—clear your mind of all else!” he yells firmly, although his own heart wavers as he grips his sword, preparing to attack the next man. 

When he leaps forward, a shadow of superhuman speed blocks his strike, and the shock vibrates down his arms. A pair of sharp golden eyes glimmer under a dark hood. Although her appearance has drastically changed, her smile is the same one he remembers from their years together, the same one that bid him farewell under the sakura, although a bit more mature and—not cold, but logical, one could say. 

“Yuki… mura?” Saitou breathes as if he is seeing a ghost, letting his sword hang to his side for a fleeting moment. 

“It has been a long time, Saitou-san… I wish we could speak longer, but I must save this man,” Chizuru whispers apologetically, before she drags the man he injured moments ago away, shielding her path with her kodachi. Her heart races at the brief reunion, but she manages to calm her breathing. 

If it is Saitou-san and his iai, then this one will likely be a major wound. I need to do my best to keep him alive. Stop bleeding. Disinfect. Bandage. Pray this will be enough. Biting her lip, she dashes towards the front line again, continuing the same routine until evening falls, when the fief falls to the Imperial forces.

“S-Sorry about this, Yukimura,” Miki murmurs, not knowing where to look after he finishes drinking the blood from her left hand. “I guess the fatigue from battle caught up to me.”

“You worked hard today, Miki-san,” Chizuru laughs quietly, letting her right hand rest on his bare one as she leans on his shoulder. “I am glad you are alright.”

“Idiot. I am not so weak as to die when half the enemy’s troops abandoned battle midway,” he retorts before both of them fall silent, savoring the cool autumn wind while they sit a small distance away from camp. 

Finally, Miki whispers, “I… saw Saitou earlier, on the battlefield. We were too far away to exchange blows, but the moment I noticed him, all the blood rushed to my head, and I wanted to run and cut him down right that moment, thinking of how he acted as a spy for the Shinsengumi, tricking aniki and me.” 

“What did you end up doing?” Chizuru asks, no hint of judgment in her voice.

He sighs. “It would be irresponsible to leave my men behind, rushing to another area of battle, and that would only mess things up for everyone, but I still wonder… was it alright to let him go? Did I make the right decision?”

The girl next to him seems to think, and their eyes meet when she says slowly, “I cannot answer that question, but… I think it was wise to prioritize the soldiers under you, rather than risk sacrificing more lives.” She smiles. “Miki-san always says he cannot make decisions on his own, but see? You can be a proper leader… even without Itou-san or me, Miki-san will be just fine.”

“Say no more,” Miki shudders, pressing his forehead against hers, and their lips almost touch. Chizuru blushes as his eyes seem to burn into her. “Speaking so ominously… as if you are going to leave me.”

“T-That is not what I meant,” Chizuru stammers. “I just… Miki-san to have more faith in himself.”

“Maybe… if Yukimura is willing to stay with me, through this war,” he whispers.

“Miki-san… do you remember me telling you this? There is a saying that demons never break promises.” Then, she frowns. “Still, we cannot possibly always be together, and I want Miki-san to know he is capable on his own—”

“Say no more,” he repeats, growling as he releases her. “If your promises as a ‘demon’ are truly that strong, then you better hold yours.” Chizuru almost shrinks at the sharpness of his voice and trembles. Silence envelops them once more before she finally speaks up.

“I wish we could rest longer, but I must tend to the wounded,” she bows apologetically. 

“Wait, Yukimura—” He stops himself,  and she runs back to camp, leaving him behind in the dark, never turning back. 

No, you misunderstand, Miki-san. It seems your heart is still wavering about whether you deserve anything—revenge, a future, love. I want to be able to live freely, not as someone dependent on me. No matter what I say, you must find the answer yourself. It is alright… take your time.

When you are ready to catch your happiness with your own hands—if part of that happiness lies with me, then…

… I will wait for you, because these feelings will only grow. Even so… it hurts. Chizuru bites her lip, forcing herself to smile as she wipes tears only the moon witnesses.

Months ago, I would have made her stay—grabbed her arm and pressed my lips to hers until she could not breathe, even if she protested, because she was “just” a girl I was curious about, a part of the Shinsengumi… but I hesitated, because…

Even though she said she was happy, living a future, finding a home within me—

I am guilty of dragging her into this war, failing to protect her—

—afraid of making her hate me when I take away her family forever, of her going away after all this, of trusting again and being hurt by promises broken, of experiencing the pain of losing someone “special” in this war... someone perhaps more irreplaceable than aniki—

—yet I am still unable to let him go, and so—

—I am stuck in between, holding back, maintaining distance, speaking ambiguously, taking things personally.

How unlike me.

The next morning, at Inawashiro Castle—

“Fukuchou, report,” Saitou says briskly to Hijikata, whose brows are deeply furrowed.

“There is no need. I heard everything from Ootori-san already. A crushing defeat, I see,” he sighs heavily, closing his eyes in thought. “I plan to retreat with the rest of the troops to Sendai and gather strength there. Saitou, what will you do moving forward?”

His response is immediate. “I will stay behind in the Aizu Domain.” Hijikata’s eyes widen. “The Shinsengumi have long been indebted to Lord Matsudaira, and it would not feel right for me to abandon his men at this time of need.”

“I see,” Hijikata murmurs. “So this is where we part.”

Saitou bows deeply. “I apologize… for not being able to fight with Hijikata-san until the end.”

“No, this is fine,” the Vice Commander smiles melancholically. “I respect your decision… but know that the battle here will be rough. Try to live through it, if you can.”

Not ‘fight to the death’, but ‘live’ … Hijikata-san has changed, Saitou thinks, a bit moved, and he smiles back serenely. Suddenly, the sight from yesterday flickers in his mind, and he says hesitantly,

“One more thing… I saw Yukimura yesterday at Bonari Pass.” Hearing this, Hijikata’s head lifts up sharply in shock, and his hands tremble slightly—only enough for someone like Saitou to notice.

“Yukimura?! How is she?” he demands. Nearly one year has passed since she vanished that night at the Aburano Kouji Incident, when the headquarters erupted in chaos, and everyone thought she was dead after hearing the news at the Battle of Toba-Fushimi.

“What do you mean, you lost sight of her?” Heisuke yells, punching Harada in the stomach right after he wakes up from drinking the ochimizu. “Chizuru was next to you, right? How could she just disappear like that?” Harada, who would usually rebut, hangs his head in guilt.

“H-Heisuke,” Nagakura intercedes awkwardly, “Give Sano a break. You saw the demons appear, and everything was a mess—”

“But the Shinsengumi captains failing to protect a single girl is unacceptable,” Sannan says scathingly, staring sharply at the men gathered around.

“Truly,” Okita hums, although his eyes glint with a hint of worry. “I wonder where Chizuru-chan is now… maybe lost and crying somewhere in the dark, given how bad her sense of direction is… or maybe she got cut down by some ronin?”

“Souji!” Saitou hisses.

“Ahh, would you all shut up for a moment?!” Hijikata growls, slamming his hand into the floor. “Complaining will not get us anywhere. For now, we will search for her in addition to our routine patrols around Kyou, and I will order Yamazaki and Shimada to help. If she has left town, then there is nothing we can do.” He gulps down a cup of tea and sighs, “This tastes disgusting.”

“I did not see her well, since her face was concealed… but she was serving as a medic—for the Imperial army,” Saitou whispers.

The… Imperial army? Did I hear wrong? No, but Saitou would not joke around. Hijikata thinks his heart may have stopped at that moment.

“The only thing she said was, ‘I wish we could speak longer, but I must save this man’, before tending to a soldier I wounded.” Saitou cannot bear to lift his head. 

In the past, Yukimura would not have participated in battle, and even if she did, she would greet me with a shy, friendly smile and ask how I have been, no matter how out of place it would be to do so. If she wished to return to us, I would have gladly taken her hand at Bonari Pass, and I am sure Hijikata-san, Heisuke, and Souma would have been elated. Sannan-san as well, although he may only smile ambiguously… 

But now, she has learned where to draw the line, bearing the expression of a “warrior”.

To the other man’s surprise, Hijikata laughs bitterly. “Saving lives, huh… how like her.”

“Rumors of the ‘Demon Medic’ of the Battle of Hokuetsu have spread… of a beautiful young woman wearing a cloak, sometimes showing her form—as an ordinary girl with brown hair and brown eyes, or a demon with horns, white hair, and golden eyes—when the winds are strong, blowing her hood off, or if one is close enough to see her clearly. Morale has taken great damage as a result. I did not imagine it was Yukimura… I thought it was perhaps someone from the Kazama clan.”

“‘Demon Medic’… since when did she become scarier than me?” Hijikata chuckles nostalgically. “I thought being the Demon Vice Commander was bad enough, but for a real demon to appear… I wonder what changed her.”

Both men fall silent, unable to find an answer.

Drip. Drip. Chizuru’s throat burns when her eyes open, and she is unable to scream, having been gagged. The smell of mold overwhelms her as she tries not to faint from a sudden wave of bloodlust. 

So dark… where am I? A prison? What happened? Suddenly, her chest explodes in pain, and she bites back a cry as the ropes tying her to a hard, wooden pole dig into her skin.

I was leaving one of the medical tents when a cloaked figure—my spitting image—approached me. Realizing it was Kaoru-san—no, Kaoru, I tried to draw my kodachi, but he—in his demon form—was too fast. He forced something in my mouth… probably the ochimizu, and I passed out.

“So it seems you woke up, Chizuru,” a cold, familiar voice echoes as a pair of cruel, brown eyes, the same yet so different from hers, gleams giddily from the shadows. “How I have long awaited this moment. Ah, there is no use fighting back, right… Koudou oji-san?”

Her eyes widen when her father appears before her, staring stonily at her, the kind expression of the doctor she knew gone. “You did well, Kaoru-kun,” he says monotonously, with no hint of his former warmth anywhere. “Know this is for your good, Chizuru. We gave you the chance to join us, but you declined, so we had to use more extreme measures. Together, let us rebuild the Yukimura clan… with you being the key.”

Chizuru tries to shake her head, but a piercing pain vibrates through her skull, and as if her body is not her own, she nods. Kaoru cackles as he watches the scene unfold. “Ahaha! It is just as you said, Koudou oji-san. The newest ochimizu, with my blood and yours combined, truly can control the mind of the recipient. With this, Chizuru will finally do as we say, being the princess of our new kingdom while she watches us use her own blood to create even more rasetsu!” Insanity bleeds through his voice as he jeers, “There is no better way than to make my dear imouto suffer than to make her act against her will, is there not? Perhaps one day… you will be the one to indoctrinate Miki yourself.”

No… no! She screams internally, eyes brimming with tears. Please, this is not what I wanted… spare their lives… his life… please.

Koudou sighs. “Kaoru-kun, you… well, as long as Chizuru is used according to plan, the rest does not matter, I suppose.”

“Of course,” Kaoru sneers, glaring at the doctor. Turning back to his sister, he draws his Daitsuuren and slowly approaches her. “Then, shall we begin?”

“I-I am so sorry, sergeant!” a soldier bows deeply, knees shaking as Miki clenches his fist, suppressing the urge to punch him. “T-The cloaked person looked and spoke exactly like Yukimura-san, so I thought it was her and—”

“And now she is gone, you bastard!” he snarls, left hand gripping the dirty red hair tie he found on the ground outside the tent. No… more than anything, I am furious at myself for not being more careful… for not preventing this. 

Soon, despair overwhelms his thoughts. It must have been Nagumo Kaoru… then, what will happen to her? He could do anything—force her to drink more ochimizu, or something worse. 

Where are you now, Yukimura? 

I am sorry… so, so sorry.

“Just… get out of my sight,” Miki murmurs tiredly, dismissing the terrified boy. What should I do? Chase after her? Where do I even go? I want to throw everything aside, but what about my men? Right after she validated my decision at Bonari Pass…

The day and the next pass like a blur as the siege on the last stronghold in the Aizu Domain, Aizuwakamatsu Castle, continues. When night falls, an unfamiliar man steps into Miki’s tent.

“It seems I was too late,” he growls as he sees Miki stare blankly at the hair tie in his gloved hand. The sergeant raises his head lethargically. 

Gold hair. Red eyes. An arrogant air around him. Based on Yukimura’s stories, he must be—

“Kazama Chikage… head of the Demons of the West,” Miki sighs. “Is that right?”

“Hmm… so you heard about me from the Yukimura girl,” Kazama grunts, eyes narrowing. “That saves some time. You are aware of Koudou and Nagumo’s plan, correct?” Miki nods.

“It has taken longer than expected to gather information about their whereabouts, given how secretive they have been, but I finally have a good guess where they are,” the demon states unfeelingly, although his eyes burn with a chilling fury. “They will pay for going against the demon code, creating fakes and using a pureblood female demon for their selfish purposes.”

“W-Where is she?!” Miki demands, standing up.

“Calm down,” Kazama hisses. “I cannot tell you now, since you seem so hot-headed you would rush to the place yourself and ruin everything. However… when preparations are more complete, I will inform you, Miki Saburou.”

He hangs his head in defeat. Kazama is right… I might lose my rationality, especially when she is not around. “Why?” he whispers. “Why not take care of things yourself, rather than work with a ‘fake’ like me?”

The demon grins. “I see… so you have some self-awareness. Do not get me wrong—I have no need for your rasetsu powers in battle. This is for your own sake.” Kazama continues, frowning slightly, “Let me say this in advance: we will need the help of someone you may wish to kill instead. If that is what you decide to do, then I will leave you behind. You will only get in the way.”

How long has it been? Three days? One week? Cuts cover Chizuru’s bruised body, still tied up and only dressed in hadajuban [1] and susoyoke [2], the white cloth stained in red. Every day, I thirst for blood, but all they do is take mine, from my legs, arms, wrists… it hurts.

It hurts… Miki-san.

“I know what you are thinking, Chizuru,” Kaoru whispers in her ear as he shaves off strands of her hair, shaping it into an elegant hime cut [3]. “I wonder what Miki will think, seeing you looking like an ancient princess who has lost her mind… ah, how heartbroken he will be,” he giggles, pulling back to kiss a lonely lock. “Finally, my dear imouto has become my very own doll to play with.” 

Stepping back, he hums, “Now, how about a reward for being so obedient? Right, Koudou oji-san?”

The doctor nods coldly from the other side of the prison bars, unlocking the door to push two gagged figures—a woman and a child, likely hers, both crying—in. In her mind, Chizuru screams, but her body, drunk from ochimizu, no longer responds, and she can only stare heartlessly as Kaoru and Koudou, syringes in their hands, inject a crimson liquid into their veins—

A poison made with your blood, Chizuru, a maniacal voice echoes in her mind. This is all your fault. One day, when your heart is fully mine, I, too, will give you the power I am about to show you.

Please… stop this madness. Stop this voice—

—but the two victims before her writhe in pain, and their eyes turn red and hair white. Finally, Kaoru cuts their binds with his sword and, handing it to the woman, says so loud Chizuru cannot possibly doubt her hearing, 

“Kill your son, and then yourself.”

Almost robotically, the female rasetsu grips her sword and, within a heartbeat, beheads the young child before her, both of them croaking like animals, all reason gone, before piercing her own heart.

This is all my fault. I cannot even weep for them at this point… how long will I have until I lose myself completely? I am only advancing Kaoru and Father’s plan… only hurting more people.

What should I do, Miki-san? Tell me, please.

While Kaoru continues to laugh, stepping on the corpses before him, Chizuru desperately tries to grasp at her memories, seeking every sliver of hope possible. 

Miki-san hugging me, accepting me despite seeing my true form—

Reassuring me when I blamed myself for hurting him—

What I told him—“There is a saying that demons never break promises.”

How he responded—“Then you better hold yours.”

My promise to fight for a world, together, where he can smile, and we can live peacefully.

Then, if all I have is my sanity… that is what I will fight with… so I can come out alright on the other side, should you still wish to have me by your side. For all the lives I take, even though not voluntarily, I will atone for with this body. Even though Chizuru can no longer will her eyes to close, she hardens her resolve and smiles inside. 

Miki-san’s beautiful violet eyes, deeper than the wisteria from that spring day. Blue hair, a little soft at the top. The way he calls me “idiot” and cares for Itou-san. How I feel so safe in his arms.

Miki-san crying, unable to trust anyone, including himself. Hurting so much and consumed by so much guilt he wants to die. Reminding me of who I could become if I lost myself, so I can continue to walk in the light.

Being my greatest company in this time of loneliness and despair, because he knows what it is like to have no father or brother, to have everything destroyed. 

His slightly arrogant smile and the way he teased me at Nishi Honganji. Being a little forceful but reassuring me in his own way, making me feel all warm inside nonetheless. Doing as he pleases except around the people he cares about.

Fighting together in battle, a rasetsu and a demon. Sharing meals and telling stories about our pasts. Laughing at how I eat onigiri so tastily. 

The person whose happiness I wish for the most, for a reason words cannot describe—

—even though I want you to run far, far away, I believe you will come and put all this to an end, just as you vowed.

Comforted by memories of a love hidden deep in her heart, Chizuru suddenly feels a wave of lightheadedness, and her vision blurs and skin goes cold as she loses consciousness again.

Two weeks pass, and one night, Kazama visits Miki again. The demon gazes sternly at him, asking calmly, “Have you made your decision?”

Miki clenches his teeth. Can I really do this, choosing on my own? He inhales slowly, and her soft voice echoes in his mind, lest he forget. 

“There are so many things Miki-san can do well on his own, and I believe in the Miki-san who can open up to me about his past, speaking with me like this… the Miki-san who is changing for the better.”

“Even so, I want to hear what Miki-san truly wants.”

“If Miki-san does not have faith in himself, then… how about trusting that I believe in you?”

“Miki-san always says he cannot make decisions on his own, but see? You can be a proper leader… even without Itou-san or me, Miki-san will be just fine.”

Staring firmly at Kazama, he says resolutely, “Yes. I will follow you… to meet Saitou.”

Kazama responds solemnly, “Very well. Should you draw your sword, I will stop you by force.” Miki nods, and the demon guides him through many dark paths in the woods, ones he would not be able to discern himself, before they reach a clearing between the Imperial army’s camp and the castle. A blue-eyed man dressed in black gazes solemnly at the stars, a hint of sadness hidden in his stoic expression when he turns to Miki.

“So you came,” Saitou murmurs, bowing politely. 

How dare you make such a calm face after what you did—betraying us, being the trigger for aniki’s assassination, part of Miki thinks, clutching at his katana, while another part argues, but he had his own duties, and now is not the time to fight over the dead… because Yukimura might still be alive—no, I cannot have it be otherwise. Aniki… forgive me.

Breathing deeply, Miki returns with his own bow, voice shaking with both fury and sorrow, “Please… although we are enemies on the battlefield, help me save Yukimura. This is my personal request.”

“Enough with the trivial talk,” the demon sighs. “Even though it irks me to depend on you, these are dire times. Saitou, share what you have found.”

He nods curtly. “As you both know, the battle here is concentrated on the siege of Aizuwakamatsu Castle, with the shogunate forces including the elderly, women, and children, and explosive weaponry being central to the offensive. Because of that, it has been difficult to confirm this, but the past week, there have been rumors of such people disappearing at night or dying of egregious wounds for reasons we cannot possibly attribute to bombardments from the battle.”

“You mean…” Miki gulps.

“Yes. I suspect the stronghold of Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo Kaoru lies within the castle itself, although I have yet to determine the entrance. It may be underground.”

Kazama adds in exasperation, “As regrettable as it is to admit, the castle is known to be impregnable—even us demons cannot easily infiltrate enemy grounds like this, when the opponent is 5000 strong, and Koudou’s base is so deep within.”

“I do not imagine you would just let your enemies enter when Aizuwakamatsu Castle is under siege, Saitou,” Miki grunts, glaring at him. “You were so loyal to the Shinsengumi that you spied on aniki, after all.”

Saitou’s eyes flicker for a moment before he responds brusquely, “Although I am sorry for what happened to Itou-san, I do not regret my actions… and you are right. Other than not having enough information, I cannot possibly let you two enter freely—nor do I have the power to. However, I intend to stop Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo as well, because it seems like they are using our forces to create a new rasetsu army, with the siege as the perfect opportunity to cage us.”

“The Aizu will be defeated,” Kazama spits. “It is only a matter of time before that, and you all still sacrifice so many lives for such a futile battle. This is why I hate humans. The longer the siege lasts, the more power those fakes will gather, and when the doors open the day of surrender—”

“—what will greet the Imperial forces will be an army of rasetsu,” Miki breathes. “Destroy the Aizu from within and the new government from without. Eliminate both sides in one fell swoop.”

Throughout the conversation, Saitou is hesitating. What to prioritize—my loyalty to the shogunate, or my desire to save Yukimura? In some ways, they do not contradict each other. Our forces will only weaken if they are being used to create rasetsu, but if stopping that means having to collaborate with them…

“This is what I propose,” Kazama finally says. “I could care less about your siege or whatever—you humans can figure that out yourselves, for we demons cannot interfere in human history. Saitou, gather more information about Koudou and Nagumo’s hideout. Amagiri will be in the vicinity to report to. If this is something you can handle on your own, then so be it. If not, then the moment the Aizu decide to surrender, we infiltrate the castle to save Yukimura, with you as the guide. That should not count as a betrayal, no?”

“Please… this is coming from me, too,” Miki says, voice cracking as he bows deeply. “Even if it is only for her sake, help me save her.”

Saitou pauses, but only for a moment. “It seems Yukimura means very much to you.”

“She is all I have left.” 

Her smile. Her pretty eyes and hair. The way she puffed her cheeks when I used to tease her. The hope she has given me in being alive. The future she promised to fight for. Someone I simply want to be happy.

Please—do not let me betray your trust, Yukimura.

Please—stay alive, wherever you are, until we find you. Even if you hate me afterwards, just… live, okay?

“A word of advice,” Kazama murmurs on their way back. “This entire time, you have been facing us with the eyes of a coward—a foolish dog who believes it would be better to not have anything at all if he were going to lose it anyway. This is coming from a demon, but listen up.

“Human lives are fleeting—far shorter than ours—so there is no time for regrets. If you want to say something, spit it out. If there is someone you care for, do not let go, and… sometimes, not doing so can be the most selfish and hurtful thing you can do. If that ‘someone’ is the Yukimura girl, then even moreso.

“Yukimura Koudou and Nagumo Kaoru are exceptions, but unlike humans, whose hearts are so fickle and violent, we demons long for peace, and once we build a bond, it holds for a lifetime, even after the other person has passed. Even if I hardly think well of you, for you to doubt Yukimura’s devotion is a disgrace.” 

Well, as a human and a fake, you are not so bad, I suppose: treasuring your brother, fighting for what you believe in, working with an enemy for the greater good, even if you have strayed at times.

When Miki returns to camp, he closes his eyes in contemplation. 

Yukimura… as you said, I tried to trust in my decision—or rather, the faith you have in me. I think I did alright. He smiles sadly, fingering her hair tie and opening his eyes to gaze at the black-and-white photograph before him. 

“Miki. I have something to give you,” Saitou says before the meeting ends. He pulls something wrapped in cream paper from his pocket.

“What—”

“Open it,” he urges, almost smiling. Puzzled, Miki obeys reluctantly, only to freeze as his eyes land on—

—a girl wearing a white apron in a maid outfit, with a beautiful ribbon in her hair, smiling gently. A stranger in hakamashita and hakama, grinning a bit cockily at the camera. Both enveloped by a shower of wisteria.

“I found this in Yukimura’s room after she went missing the night of the Aburano Kouji Incident,” Saitou explains quietly. “I thought you were the most suitable person to entrust this to.”

Speechless, Miki stares at the lovely girl etched on albumen paper and flips the photograph over, finding another slip of paper with a message written in clean brushstrokes:

“Photograph with Miki-san. It was a little scary and embarrassing, but I was happy. This is our secret.”

Finally, Saitou adds, “I encountered Yukimura at Bonari Pass. She was right before my eyes, saving an injured Satsuma soldier. We only exchanged a few words. I think you understand what I am trying to say.”

I tossed my copy in a fit of rage long ago and doubted your allegiance, but you—you kept every secret and promise, staying with me despite having the chance to turn back. It has always been me putting on an arrogant front but running away.

Even so, I can almost imagine your eyes light up as you look at me and say, laughing, “See? I knew I was not wrong believing in you. You did well, Miki-san.”

Aniki… I really am such a child, always depending on the people I care for—both you and her—and being so irresponsible when I am on my own… for relying on a girl eleven years younger than me… but I think I am growing up, as late as it is.

Yukimura… I miss you. For all your words that saved me, did I give you anything to hold onto? Are you crying alone, in some cold and dark place?

If I was truly able to help you, make you stronger, make you feel less lonely… then I will come for you, walking on my own feet this time… so please, wait for me.

In late October, a cold rain falls in the Aizu Domain, and the roof of the prison echoes with the sound of a storm as a girl, hair chillingly well-brushed, hadajuban and susoyoke disheveled and dyed blood-red, takes a syringe and injects a crimson liquid into the arm of a crying young man, his eyes begging for mercy before he screams in agony. Underneath her sleeves are bruises of all colors and shapes, fresh cuts stinging and old ones itching, although she cannot tend to herself anymore. Such is the state of Yukimura Chizuru—forced to drink so much ochimizu that her body can only obey the commands of her father and older brother, either moving against her will or standing idly, awake or asleep, save for when she passes out multiple times a day—

—and her own mind only capable of thinking in fragments.

White hair, red eyes. My neck. So much suffering. Rain. Cold. 

Innocent people—dying. My fault. 

Metallic smell. Blood. Me, sullied. 

Father, gone. Older brother, gone. All, broken. Dark. More rain. Cannot even shiver.

No, must not give up. I promised. Dango shop. Pretty kimono. 

Wait for him. So warm, his hugs. Feels like home. 

Violet eyes. Wisteria. Our secret. Together, smiling.

Blue hair. Handsome. Pulling my hair tie. Mean.

So much blood. Screams. I should suffer. Corrupted.

Sleep. Forced to drink. Faint. Hurt someone. Faint again.

Alone. No family. My fault. Cold prison. Not this one.

Not alone. He calls my name. Sad—so sad. Want to see you.

Keep my promise. Waiting.

Hurts. So sleepy, all the time. Cannot breathe.

Miki-san. Miki-san.

Miki-san.

Chapter Text

“This took a hell of a long time,” Shiranui says sarcastically, pistol in hand. “The Aizu brats are finally surrendering tomorrow.”

Kazama sighs. “Remember what we are here for. Saitou, lead the way. Amagiri, Shiranui. Handle any rasetsu we encounter. I will handle Yukimura Koudou.” His crimson eyes turn to Miki. 

“I will finish off Nagumo and find Yukimura,” he says firmly, hardening his jaw. It began with us two, and I will take responsibility to the very end.

“Should you waver, one of us will handle the task, understood?”

“Then, follow me,” Saitou whispers as he stealthily guides the four towards the castle walls. The demons granted me safe passage out the castle—now, it is time for me to return the deed. Sneaking into a secret entry, they quickly knock out the guards and proceed through a maze of corridors and halls, the darkness concealing them from anyone still alive. Miki gags at the overwhelming stench of rotten flesh and dried blood. Occasionally, the moon illuminates what looks like blasted-off limbs and women’s heads, mouths still agape.

I knew the cannons caused significant damage, but this is… absolutely terrible. Despite holding to my beliefs about the new government, I think I am really ready for this war to be over. As she said, there truly is nothing absolutely “right” in all of this. We are only repeating her nightmare.

“As I mentioned before, there appears to be a hidden stone entrance under the floorboards of one of the rooms I searched,” Saitou whispers, “But there seems to be a lock of sorts that requires a liquid to open. I have tried many things—water, human blood, rasetsu blood, tea, miso soup.”

“Miso soup?” Miki tries not to burst into laughter despite the gravity of the situation. “Are you an idiot? Well, a sword idiot, for sure. That miso soup probably had a lot of tofu in it, since Yuki—”

Yukimura said you love tofu. He swallows back the last words, chest aching at the sound of her name on his lips. For a moment, Saitou looks like he is about to cry. The rest of the men fall silent until they enter a dark, uninhabited room, where Saitou pulls a loose plank of wood from the floor, revealing a stone door underneath, with a cup engraved in the center.

“There is one thing we have not tried yet,” Kazama murmurs, unsheathing his sword and making a small cut on his arm, letting the blood drip into the cup. Amagiri and Shiranui stare at him, stunned, and then watch as the liquid in the cup drains and the door clicks open.

“Hmm,” Kazama smirks arrogantly. “Such is the power of a demon’s blood—be in awe, you shitty humans—”

“Kazama,” Amagiri sighs audibly, pressing a hand to his forehead. “Not now.” Saitou seems just as exasperated, while Shiranui grins mischievously.

I think I understand why you did not want to marry this guy, Yukimura, Miki smiles bitterly, the pain in his chest only growing. I have so many stories to tell you when I see you… so please, just wait a little longer. 

Shaking their heads at Kazama, who leads, they slowly climb down the rope ladder extending down the entrance before the door shuts above them. Torches dimly light what looks like a large common room guarded by a small group of rasetsu. The demons, Saitou, and Miki draw their weapons as the rasetsu turn towards them, eyes flaming red. 

“So you all came together,” Kaoru chuckles, emerging from the shadows, although the arrogance in his voice cannot hide the surprise in his eyes. 

“This was certainly unexpected,” Koudou remarks coolly, expressionless as usual, as he draws a handful of scalpels from within his kimono and transforms into his full demon form.

Indeed, all of this is beyond what Kaoru anticipated; perhaps his fatal flaw lies in believing too strongly in the power of revenge and too little in the ability for his opponents to change for the better—the opposite of his sister. His plan was simple: have Miki and Saitou fight each other to the death, release his underground castle of rasetsu on the day of surrender, take over the new government forces, and make anyone still living bend to his will through the ochimizu. In the best case, make Miki another one of his playthings so Chizuru could helplessly witness his suffering with her own eyes. In the worst case, just kill him off.

What he did not expect was for Miki to choose to work with Saitou, or for Saitou to be a man with his own will. As for Kazama, even he and the other demons could be dealt with if they came alone, but them together—three demons, two rasetsu—made for a risky battle.

Even so, he grins, drawing his sword. This is where you come in, Chizuru.

Chizuru’s head explodes in a sharp pain radiating from behind her eyes, and two voices inside her mind boom,

Pick up your sword. Release them.

Immediately, Chizuru, unbound but only able to move upon order, mechanically moves her arms, grabbing the kodachi in the corner and limping out the unlocked prison cell. Dizzy from both bloodlust and blood loss, limbs aching from cut wounds and being played around by her beastly neighbors, she manages to open the surrounding cages one by one, unleashing dozens of seething red-eyed, white-haired monsters. Her father and brother then whisper inside her,

Order them to head to the common room and fight. Join them. Upstairs, Kaoru sneers as he clashes swords with Miki, who faces him with a quiet fury. Rather than order the scoundrels one by one and exhaust my concentration, let her handle it all. She is just a tool at this point, anyway.

Shiranui’s eyes widen as swarms of cackling rasetsu barge in from the side. “Oi, Kazama. This does not look good.”

The golden-haired demon clicks his tongue, deflecting Koudou’s scalpels and hissing, “Hurry up, Miki. Amagiri, try to clear the entrance to the corridor where they are coming from. It likely leads to Yukimura.”

“I am trying!” Miki snaps while gunshots resound, Shiranui’s bullets and Saitou’s blades cleanly piercing the hearts of the creatures—formerly women, children, and elderly with sound minds and no desire for blood—and Amagiri’s iron fists sending multiple flying to the other wall. “Ah, shit—” While dodging a rasetsu’s blow from the back, Miki feels a burst of pain when Kaoru’s Daitsuuren slices his flank.

Sorry, Yukimura… you asked me to use my powers as little as possible to preserve my lifespan, but it seems I have no choice now. Gritting his teeth, he wills the wound to heal, his hair and eyes turning the color of the beasts around him—and, finding a gap in Kaoru’s defense, he swings his blade, making a clean cut on the boy’s shoulder. Around the same time, Kazama runs his sword through Koudou’s heart, the doctor’s body convulsing in pain for a moment before going limp.

“Agh,” Kaoru winces, eyes narrowing in pain before he grins. “How cruel—hurting the older brother of the girl you love.”

‘Love’. For him to say those words first. “Do not take this personally,” Miki says coolly, both to Kaoru and to himself. Here I am, about to kill your older brother, Yukimura—but there is no more remorse or hesitation, because of your conviction—because aniki is already gone—because this is what I must do to save you…

… because I decided to trust in that vow of yours.

The moment Koudou is cut down, Chizuru feels the strings pulling her heart and body loosen, only for them to almost vanish when Miki temporarily injures Kaoru. She gasps, almost tripping up the stairs of the second, secret entrance to the common room—opposite the direction the rasetsu went.

This is Kaoru’s second fatal flaw—underestimating his twin sister’s mental strength. He is confident that, even without controlling her mind, Chizuru is so psychologically broken that she will proceed with the previous order, or be useless at worst, and the rest of the rasetsu would be let to kill their opponents freely. However, what he does not know is that she has been fighting all this time, and even with her mind broken, the most important words remain—and those few seconds where Kaoru shifts his attention to his wound are enough. 

Although the fog in Chizuru’s mind lingers, a flicker of clarity leaks through the noise—

Keep my promise. Cannot give up. Protect that world.

Swallowing the burning thirst for blood and forcing herself to not collapse from the nausea, Chizuru inhales deeply, focusing inward, sensing every drop of her blood flowing within and without, and mouths, 

“Rasetsu army. Self destruct.”

The moment she utters those silent words, the beasts above croak and simultaneously raise their swords, turning the blades toward themselves, and they pierce their own hearts, screeching like crows. The room falls quiet, save for the sound of the remaining men panting. 

“W-What…” Saitou breathes, staring in awe at the pile of rasetsu before him. Kazama’s eyes narrow, having grasped the situation. 

“Mind control,” he hisses. “If it was not Nagumo, then—”

“Damn it!” Kaoru screams in frustration, rising to swing blindly at Miki. Chizuru—get up here and fight!

What he does not realize is that, beyond her order to the rasetsu, she gave one more to herself—

Yukimura Chizuru. Stop yourself at all costs, but—live, so he can smile.

—and so, nearing the top of the stairway, her mind races with all the thoughts she can no longer put into words. How easy it would be to kill herself to prevent herself from fighting, from forcing him to end her life. How she cannot die here, leaving him alone and hurting. How she is afraid of the pain, yet regrets nothing—

—but in those few seconds, all she does is grip her kodachi with her right hand and, in the same breath, drives it into her left—

—only to repeat, clenching the blade stuck in her left hand and cutting through her right—a cruel bind of metal and fresh blood—

—and a scream bubbles in her throat, only for it to be silenced by the tempest of her brother’s voice.

A foolish decision, perhaps, but had she thrown down her kodachi, Kaoru would have made her pick it up, and she would have run into the room, forcing her enemies to finish her off, or he most likely would have given the suicide order himself. Had she killed herself—voluntarily or not, Miki would have been consumed by despair and anguish, ending his own life or finding solace in revenge, his only remaining companion. For Chizuru, this was the only path she knew—a way to keep herself from dying so she could protect her promise and his heart—a way to write this story into something other than a tragedy.

Breathing weakly, Chizuru falls, feet slipping on the stairs from the pain of the self-inflicted wounds. As she lies there in a ball, hair soaked crimson from her own blood, her eyes stare vacantly at the wall before her. No matter what her brother orders now—

Get up—pick up your sword—

Fight—no, kill yourself—

She crawls up the stairs, only for her knees to buckle, and her body twitches, too impaired to drive her head against stone in his last attempt to shatter all she loves.

Drip. Drip. Suddenly, the voice in her head falls silent, and moments later, she knows he is gone forever. The only command remaining is her own: stay alive—

—and so she does, using the bare minimum of her rasetsu powers to further slow the bleeding, finely balancing the shaving off versus ending of her lifespan, as she waits alone.

Miki clenches his teeth and, within a matter of seconds after Kaoru rises, disarms him and cleanly pierces his heart. A pair of pained, enraged yellow eyes glare at him, but he pays no heed, pulling his blade out and following Saitou and Amagiri down the stairway and through the corridor the rasetsu came, with Kazama and Shiranui guarding above. He catches up quickly to the two, who swam through a pile of corpses to clear the path, and is immediately hit by the sickening stench of blood in what appears to be a large prison, cell walls painted brown-red and chunks of soiled white hair illuminated by torchlight. Miki gulps, taking the lead as his eyes scan the dim halls, heart sinking. Yukimura… please, tell me you are here, somewhere.

Finally, he freezes at the bottom of the stairway on the opposite side. “Miki, what—” Saitou begins, only to stop as he follows his gaze to a pair of feet in blood-stained socks peeking out the corner where the steps turn. Without thinking, Miki scrambles up and—

—I finally found you. However, there is no joy, no relief, only guilt, sorrow, and the agony of seeing yet another person he cherishes covered in a bright red—just like the night he found Itou’s corpse, but somehow worse—

—like a part of my soul has been ripped apart.

Her hands, palms pressed against each other, hang to the side, blood dripping down the kodachi gluing them together. 

When she first offered me her blood.

“This will heal soon—I am a demon, after all.”

“Idiot…. if this continues, these wounds may never heal, you know.”

“No… no,” Miki chokes. The gravity of the situation is all that drives him to act as he unties his black obi, throws his katana aside, and kneels to wrap his long overcoat over her to keep her warm and protect her dignity, although his eyes cannot turn away from where the opening of her hadajuban is tugged apart, revealing bruises and fresh bite marks across her thin shoulders and neck.

When I almost forced her to strip at Nishi Honganji, suspecting her gender. 

“If that is not the case, then prove me wrong! Show me that you are a man!”

“Saitou,” Amagiri says quietly. “Let us get Kazama.” Looking down at Miki, he adds a bit sympathetically, “For her sake, do not take too long.” Miki forces himself to nod, and the two men leave, giving him and the girl in his arms some privacy.

On the way up, Amagiri solemnly glances at Saitou, who walks in a daze, almost stumbling over the rasetsu corpses littering the floor. 

That night, at the Fushimi Magistrate’s office—

“Chizuru is… dead?” Heisuke croaks, the hand on his sword falling limp. He laughs weakly. “This must be one of Souji’s cruel jokes, right?” For once, Okita is not laughing. Seeing his reaction, the younger boy begins to cry.

“I-It could just be that bastard Miki tricking us,” Nagakura assuages. “Right, Sano?”

“Y-Yeah,” Harada pitches in, forcing a small smile while patting Heisuke’s back and carefully selecting his next words. “We searched all of Kyou and did not find any evidence of Chizuru, remember?” 

“B-But!” Heisuke sobs while Hijikata’s brows are furrowed—not in anger, but grief. “T-That guy could really hurt her! You all know how he is—!” No one can argue back.

“Toudou-kun,” Sannan sighs, closing his eyes. “I understand your feelings, but now is not the time to be distracted from our duties. We are at war.”

“Do you truly mean that, Sannan-san?” he asks angrily, glaring at him. “How can you act as if nothing happened?!”

Sannan blinks and smiles sadly. “Do you truly believe I am that cold-hearted? I simply mean that the situation will only worsen the more time we mourn here. We cannot afford to lose any more lives.”

“Sannan-san is right,” Hijikata sighs, arms crossed. “The Shinsengumi’s mission is to serve the shogunate, not to protect a girl. We must not forget that.”

“Hijikata-san is the cruel one,” Okita smirks before coughing violently. “Chizuru-chan was your page, after all.”

“Souji,” Saitou warns. 

Souma’s shoulders sag while Nomura sniffles, “Yukimura-senpai…”

Saitou stares down at his hands. Did I really make the right decision, waiting until now to save her? Could all this have been avoided if I chose her over my loyalty to the shogunate?

Finally, after all this time, I learned she was alive, but in this state, she will never be the same girl who made my favorite tofu dishes in headquarters, gifted me snow bunnies, laughed and kindly listened to me speak about swords—no, she started changing long before this—

I almost regret giving Miki that photograph, because I am afraid I will forget that smile… because all I may remember is her bloodied, lifeless body from today… because this might be the last time I see her.

“Saitou.” The demon next to him puts a hand on his shoulder. “Your loyalty to your lord and blade is praiseworthy. There is no need to doubt your conviction. You did well.”

For the first time, the former Third Captain of the Shinsengumi weeps.

Finally, warmth. His hands—this familiar feeling. Such a comforting heartbeat. Letting her rasetsu powers go, Chizuru’s brown eyes flutter open as she wheezes, finding her most precious person staring back at her, as if he is seeing a ghost. 

I know this face.

Tears drip down his cheeks as her blood stains his own white shirt red, and his bare hand is chilled by the deathly coolness of her skin as he applies pressure to her gaping wound.

Miki-san—please do not be sad. Please do not blame yourself. It is alright now. You did well.

Thank you for coming. Sorry for hurting you.

Did I keep it?—my promise.

There is so much Chizuru wants to say, but as her breathing becomes shallower, the only thing her body and disoriented mind can force out of her blue, dry lips are the words she has repeated to herself day and night, the only words that can encompass all she wishes to tell him.

“Miki-san,” Chizuru croaks faintly. “Da… i… suki… desu [1].”

The words he left unsaid, despite falling first. More fulfilling than any revenge. Brighter than any shadow of hatred and loneliness. The feelings she still holds, despite what he has done—to her family, to her. The same feelings inside him that he is finally ready to fully accept.

Miki sobs, speaking through ragged breaths, “Ore mo… Yukimura no koto ga suki da [2].” Hearing his confession, she tries to smile, but her lips quiver from the cold. He gently envelops them with his, sharing more of his warmth, only adding enough strength to keep hers from falling apart—a balm for the beautiful and broken—

So happy, but so sleepy. Cannot see…

—and when they separate, her face droops, a sharp pain radiating through her head, different from the rest—

Sorry to… make you sad again.

“Yukimura? Yukimura—

“—Chizuru!”