Chapter Text
Waterlogged ears muffled the sound around Bilbo. This time he doesn't get up by himself, he can't. Gravity holding him down, weighed down by his emotions. It's only because Gandalf pulls him up that he finds himself getting closer to the entrance, feet reluctantly moving forward.
Thorin. His head emptied of everything but that name, time pausing for a second.
He filled the room with his presence, the smell that hit him nearly choking him. Bilbo couldn't raise his head, fear lodging itself in his throat. It would hurt too much. It already did, simply smelling him. The warm woody scent digging itself sharply into his nose and snaking its way to his lungs with a vengeance. It was painfully nostalgic, reminding him of the time the usually stoic king had shocked him with his embrace.
Bilbo cast his gaze down to his feet to check if they were still there, the feeling in them having disappeared. How he remained standing he didn't know. Gandalf and Thorin were speaking, the sound still faint and it took a few seconds for the sound to break through the barrier.
"-bo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield." The world around him stilled and he forced himself to lift his head, yet his eyes shot straight past the Dwarf, landing on the wall behind him.
He nodded politely, if a bit stiffly, clearing his throat before turning his gaze to the floor again. "Pleasure."
"This is the burglar?" Thorin stepped closer and he felt his eyes drink him in. "Tell me, have you any prior experience Hobbit?"
"In what?" He replied, his voice low. He knew precisely what the king meant, even if he was certain it had been worded differently last time.
"Thieving, fighting, anything that could be of use to us." He circled him slowly. "Or will you continue to cower as you do before me now?" His voice was stiff, cold.
Cower? Cower? Oh that arrogant-
"Excuse me?" Bilbo at once met the startled blue of Thorin's eyes. "I'll have you know I am perfectly capable, in fact I am quite experienced. I'm simply tired, that is all! So, apologies if I don't seem all cheery!"
The dwarf shut his mouth, his smile now tight. "Right." He turned to address the company. "Let us sit down." Of course the stubborn bastard didn't apologise, he never did much of that did he? Only dying could make him-
He forcefully stopped that train of thought knowing it would break him again. He couldn't afford to break. Bilbo took a deep breath, shaking the nerves off. He had a meeting to join, if he could manage it…
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thorin sat at the head of the narrow table, a plate of barely touched food in front of him. The lights were dim and the air was silent, stuffed with tension. Bilbo stood a bit behind him. Still not comfortable with seeing his face yet, despite having met his eyes briefly.
"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?" Dori broke the silence that had settled around them.
"Did they all come?" Gloin cut in.
"Aye. Envoys from all the seven kingdoms." Thorin's rumbling voice filled the space. His head turning to the speakers.
"What do the dwarves from the Iron hills say? Is Dain with us?" Dwalin spoke, his grumpy face softened with hope.
"They will not come."
There was a chorus of disappointed noises. All of them having desired the extra help. In his past life Bilbo had never quite gotten over this, Dain's refusal to help them. He'd only shown up once he found out they'd taken Erebor back from Smaug. It had rankled him that Dain had gotten to take the throne after the death of the three who had a rightful place on it.
It might seem shortsighted of him, perhaps even petty. However he'd refused to visit Erebor afterwards for this fact, along with the pain he knew it'd bring. He'd thought that Balin or perhaps even Dwalin should have taken over as king if anyone were to do it, or at the very least a dwarf who'd been a part of the company.
Dain certainly should not have reaped the rewards of Thorin's efforts, of that he'd been sure.
"They say this quest is ours and ours alone."
Bilbo wanted to speak up, make a snide comment about how cowardly that was, but he knew that would have been ill received by the current Throin, who had yet to warm up to him.
"Bilbo, could you please give us more light?" Gandalf turned to him.
He cleared his throat, heading out to do as asked, mumbling an 'alright' under his breath. When he came back they had pulled out the map and laid it out on the wooden surface just as they had last time. He came up as close as he could bear, holding the candle over the table.
"The lonely mountain." Bilbo mumbled.
"Ravens have been seen returning to the mountain as it was foretold." A dwarf spoke up.
As they discussed it he handed the candle over to Gandalf who peered questioningly at him before turning back to the discussion. Bilbo stepped out into the hall to take a breath. The reality of what he'd have to do hitting him hard all at once. He would have to go through everything again and just about anything could go wrong.
He might do something which could cause him to miss the ring, or could cause someone else to die. He himself could die. How could he guarantee that everything would go right this time? For all he knew he could make it worse, potentially getting them all killed in the process.
"Bilbo, are you quite alright?"
"Huh? Yes, " He cleared his throat. "I'm fine. Completely fine." Gandalf didn't believe him, not at all. He would have to be daft not to see that with how long he'd known him.
"We brought out your contract, you shall need to sign it." All eyes were turned towards him, Thorin's too unfortunately, Bilbo noticed out of the corner of his eye.
"Ah, a contract? Yes of course, " Pretend, pretend! "what contract?" He stared inquiringly at the old wizard, eyes pointedly not looking in the dwarf's direction, hoping his confusion seemed believable.
"Why, the contract which states you are to be a part of the company."
"And what, pray tell, does this contract entail?" Of course he would sign it, but not before putting on a show of caution first, wouldn't want to appear more stupid than he already had.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bilbo was still as a statue, observing silently as the dwarves converged in the living room, taking a seat wherever they could. The chattering died down and the air filled with anticipation as Thorin took his place near the fire. Bilbo stared at the king under the mountain, the flames painting his regal face in warmth. He looked alive. No, he was alive.
Bilbo fought the tears that threatened to spill over. As he finally let himself finally take him in, to truly see him, braver now that he wasn't near the dwarf. He was hovering near the opening to the room, his feet unsteady as the singing commenced.
Far over the misty mountains cold
The deep baritone of his voice sunk into the wooden floor, crept through the hobbit hole, filling the space wholly. It reverbated through his bones and warmed his body with its soft rumble.
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To find our long forgotten gold
The pines were roaring on the height
The winds were moaning in the night
The fire was red it flaming spread
The trees like torches blazed with light.
Not wanting to be seen in an emotional state Bilbo retreated to the armchair in the other room. However, observant as always, Gandalf must have seen it. He followed him after a few seconds, sitting opposite him.
"Your behaving oddly, Mr Baggins." Bilbo's breath hitched, his muscles jumping. "Is something the matter with you?" He gazed at him for a while. "What is it? Is it worries about the journey ahead, or perhaps something else entirely?" His intelligent eyes seemed to somehow penetrate his skin, as though he knew everything. "Something you might not be willing to tell me?"
"No, it's just the journey, that is all." He could read the disappointment in his eyes.
"Well, if that is all Bilbo." He made to get up before seemingly rethinking it. "I might not be a trustworthy person to you as of yet, but know this Bilbo Baggins." He stared deeply into his eyes. "I am a friend, if you should ever need one. "
"Yes yes, I know all that already." He waved him off, hands gripping the arms of his chair. "I am just, not ready to talk yet, that's all it is. I'll be fine."
"It does not do to hold onto something heavy for too long, sometimes you must give it to some else to keep for awhile."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bilbo didn't sleep that night, too busy running all the potential scenarios in his head, his heart in a constant state of anxiety. He knew that whatever may happen, he'd have to be steadfast and brave. Much like he'd been the last time, that time he'd not had any clue what was to come and had still managed not to lose heart.
When the room got brighter he got up and opened his window, he leaned out, breathing in the crisp air.
As Bilbo packed, this time not forgetting his handkerchief, he gazed out the window at the foggy morning. The sun had begun to rise, and for once since the dwarves had arrived he felt not dread, but something resembling anticipation.