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Chapter Text

Every summer in Luleå was the same. As soon as June came around, so did the tourists, and with them a level of business that the town could only dream of seeing for the rest of the year. Those who got to vacation in and around the quaint port town were elated about the beautiful nature, the picturesque houses lining its bright and friendly streets, the immaculately kept historical buildings popping up at every other corner and the nostalgic charm of the old church town. Those who lived there were elated about the increase in profit at a time of year when other, bigger towns lay emptier than ever, abandoned by their inhabitants who wanted to spend their summer away from asphalt and hot subway air.

It was predictable, almost boringly so, especially to someone who’d lived through it as many times as eighteen-year-old Wilhelm Dahlgren had. To Wilhelm - or Wille, as his friends liked to call him - summer meant his dad spending even more time at the garage while his mom fought her growing loneliness by being a member of just about every organizational committee one could be a part of in Luleå. It meant taking extra shifts at the movie theater, bike rides to the beach with Felice and Henry - and, if her parents hadn’t dragged her off across the globe for once, Maddie - and listening to Madonna as they waited for the heat to subside. It wasn’t bad, per se, but it was just that - predictable. Something he’d known all his life, and would in all likeliness know for the rest of it. Or at least that’s what he was convinced of until the summer that Simon came to town.

+++

Simon was wearing a light-blue jean jacket over jeans and a black Prince tee the first time that Wille saw him. He was trailing behind Tove, the pragmatic, blond, no-nonsense 30-something in charge of managing Roxy Cinema at the time, and he looked anything but happy to be there. That much was clear from the downturned corners of his mouth and the way his hands were demonstratively buried in his jacket pockets. Even the curls falling into his forehead seemed to have a certain level of anger to their bounce.

“Wille.” Wille’s attention shifted to Tove at that, though he couldn’t help but notice through the corner of his eye just how tightly this guy’s lips were pressed together. It made his already pronounced jawline stand out even more.

“This is Simon, our new guy”, Tove was saying as Simon stared resolutely at the display of licorice and jellybeans in front of the counter Wille was standing behind. “I want you to show him the ropes this week, ‘kay?”

Ignoring every instinct in him that wanted to comment on how he wasn’t sure Simon shared that desire, Wille put on his best employee of the week smile. “Absolutely.”

“Great.” With that plus a satisfied smile, she turned back to the boy behind her. “I’ll get you your uniform and then you two can get to it.”

There was no acknowledgement from Simon’s side as to the fact that they’d just been introduced. He merely trailed wordlessly behind Tove on her way toward the staff changing rooms. When he returned a short while later in the mandatory dark red t-shirt with yellow stripes down both arms and a plastic name tag with the theater’s logo printed on it attached to the left side of his chest, he looked somehow even less happy.

Nevertheless, Wille pulled his lips into the same welcoming smile he’d use on any other new employee to say, “Hi. Simon, right?”

“Good memory.”

It wasn’t so much the words that were rude, but rather the biting sarcasm they were colored in. Okay, Wille thought to himself when Simon didn’t seem to plan on acknowledging his name in return, we’ve got ourselves a tough one. Which was fine. He could handle someone a little grumpy. He hadn’t made employee of the week for at least eight consecutive weeks in every summer he’d worked here for nothing.

“I’m Wille,” he said despite having a strong inkling that Simon already knew that. “Is this your first time working at a movie theater?”

He got a silent nod in return.

“Okay, so you’ve never used a popcorn machine before?”

That got him a scoff, followed by a disbelieving laugh.

“I’ll take that as a no?” Wille asked, feeling his own patience slipping the tiniest bit.

Simon let out a dramatic sigh before he answered, “I don’t exactly have my own at home, so no, I’ve never used a popcorn machine before.”

“Great.” Maybe Wille found the tiniest bit of satisfaction in seeing Simon look vaguely annoyed at his continued enthusiasm. “I’ll walk you through it from the beginning then.”

It turned out that despite his lackluster attitude, Simon was a quick learner. He got all the oil from the little package into the kettle on the first try without touching it, and he looked almost like a seasoned pro unlocking the mechanism that allowed him to dump the finished popcorn into the serving area. Sure, Wille would’ve preferred it if he hadn’t rolled his eyes when Wille had warned him of how hot the kettle could get, but as far as competence went, he could’ve drawn a much worse lot.

After the popcorn machine, they went over the soda cooler, first in first out basics and how to count out change when a customer paid with a large bill. Then it was time for Simon to practice using the register, which he somehow also managed to make look like the easiest thing in the world and the biggest inconvenience at the same time.

What was it with this guy and his can’t-be-bothered attitude? He didn’t look like the typical stoner guy Wille would expect that sort of behavior from, and his outfit from earlier hadn’t exactly screamed punk either, even if Wille had determined by now that he was definitely wearing eyeliner. Pretty, skillfully smudged eyeliner that brought out the warm, chocolaty tones in his eyes. Or at least it could’ve, if the look in them hadn’t been fit to kill someone if they only dared look for too long.

“Any questions so far?” Wille asked after a while, despite having a pretty clear idea of what the answer would be. And really-

“Nope. Not exactly rocket science.”

Okay then. If Simon wanted to keep up this whole sulking act, that was fine by Wille. He could do so while Wille got some work done.

“Awesome. You can cover the register then while I go stock up the candy.”

Simon only hummed in acknowledgment, which was more than Wille had even expected to get, so he’d take it. This arrangement worked well for them for as long as it took Wille to fill up the display of M&M’s and Kex. He’d just moved on to Gott & blandat when several bigger groups entered the place in quick succession, among them several families with small children. They passed the ticket booth relatively quickly, Justus being a tried and proven veteran when it came to managing even the most chaotic of groups. Which also meant that they hit the snack stand much more quickly than any employee on their first day would be able to serve them, especially while multitasking.

For a brief moment, Wille debated waiting for a bit just to see how Simon might lose some of that blasé attitude of his when he’d inevitably crash and burn. Families, as Wille well knew, were the end boss when snacks and drinks were involved.

In the end, though, he found himself abandoning his task with a small sigh to go and sidle up to Simon instead. With all his eye-rolling and snarky commentary, the bigger part of Wille still wanted to be a good colleague and make sure he felt as comfortable as anyone could on their first day.

“I can take over the register for a bit. You prepare the orders”, he told Simon, registering something suspiciously close to relief crossing his face for a moment, before he shrugged indifferently and stepped aside to let Wille take over. Unsurprisingly, he did a fine job pouring different sodas and shoveling popcorn into variously sized buckets, and between him and Wille, they reached the last of the groups relatively quickly. Wille was in the middle of ringing up a father of three for five large popcorns - they were never gonna finish even half of that - two bags of Swedish Fish and two large sodas, when he heard Simon behind him let out a very much not family friendly curse word.

Ignoring the dad’s appalled expression, Wille spun around to find him clutching his wrist, the door to the popcorn machine wide open and a splotch of oil running down the counter in front of him.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he asked with genuine concern. Kettle burns could get quite bad in his experience, and they hurt like hell.

“Who the fuck would make these kettles so fucking hot?” Simon hissed in lieu of an answer, and for a moment it looked like he was about to kick the counter in frustration. He pulled himself together, though, gritting his teeth as he started to shake out his injured wrist.

“Justus?” Wille called out in the direction of the ticket booth before he had the chance to start swearing in front of the three small kids even more. “Can you cover snacks for a sec? We have a first aid situation here.” Then he turned to the less than amused looking dad to tell him, “I’m so sorry, Sir. My coworker will be with you in a moment.”

Without giving the guy a chance to respond, he spun back around toward Simon, tilting his head in a prompt for him to follow Wille. Thankfully, he did so without any further complaints. They passed Justus on their way out of the booth, and Wille was sure he heard him grumble something about how young people these days never learned until it hurt. He suppressed the urge to point out how Justus himself had gotten his finger caught in the fridge door just last weekend and instead led Simon to the bathroom with quick steps.

“Go run it under cold water”, he called out over his shoulder once they’d reached the door to the men’s room. “I’ll go get the burn cream.”

When he returned from the first aid kid in the back corner of the changing rooms with both the cream, a pack of bandaids and a thin roll of gauze bandage, he found that Simon had followed his direction and was still letting the thick, spluttery stream of water run over where the skin on his wrist had turned into an angry red. He looked up when he heard Wille enter, and for the first time all day, there wasn’t just anger in his eyes. There was also something that looked suspiciously like embarrassment, something that even his choppy shrug in response to Wille’s question of, “How bad is it?” couldn’t fully hide.

“I’ll live”, Simon finally said, the bite in his tone much more subdued than earlier. Maybe that was why Wille found himself crossing the space between them, holding out his hand.

“Let me see.”

Simon’s eyes flitted up to his face at that, roaming over it with badly disguised suspicion, before he seemed to decide he didn’t really have much to lose. His skin felt expectedly cold against the inside of Wille’s palm, a few leftover droplets dripping off his thumb and down the side of his wrist to soak Wille’s skin instead. The red splotch he’d spotted looked less worrying up close, most of it probably caused by the cold water rather than the actual burn, which only took up about a centimeter in length.

“Bumped the kettle edge, huh?” he asked, and to his surprise, Simon merely hummed in response. No snarky comment about how one didn’t have to be a genius to figure that one out.

“It doesn’t look all that bad. You can probably get away with some burn cream and a bandaid. Just try not to touch it.”

This time, Simon did make a noise that resembled a snort, even though it sounded half-hearted at best. “I’m sure it’ll be hard to refrain, given how it’ll hurt like fuck.”

And okay, maybe Wille could give him that one. As a gesture of goodwill, he released Simon’s injured hand and held out the burn cream for him to take. “Here. I’ll show you where to put it back after you're done.”

They didn’t talk while Simon tended to his burn wound. Instead, Wille took that time to inconspicuously study his profile some more. He really did have a remarkably sharp jawline, and a cute little pointed nose to go along with it. Cute, that was, if he hadn’t been clenching his jaw so grimly.

One thing that Wille couldn’t deny, though, was that his curls looked exceptionally soft hanging off the side of his forehead, and that they suited him exceptionally well. Under different circumstances, Wille was pretty sure he’d have spent the rest of the summer developing a major crush on this guy. Then again, the summer was long, and some people just needed a chance to warm up to strangers before they showed their better sides.

Following a sudden instinct, Wille asked, “Which school do you go to? I haven’t seen you around before.”

Simon remained quiet, and for a moment, Wille was convinced he was gonna completely ignore the question. But then he heard him say, in an almost resigned tone, “I’ve only been here for a week. And I’m done with school. Gymnasiet, at least.”

Wille was so surprised by this unexpectedly normal reply that it took him a second to recalibrate. When he did, his lips spread into a small smile. “Cool. Me, too. I’m gonna start working for real after summer’s over.”

“I’m gonna go to university in Stockholm.”

Simon said it so sharply, it felt a bit like the words where a whip being swung at Wille.

“Oh. Okay”, he said, in lack of a better idea. “That’s cool.”

“Do you think everything’s cool?”

The question was probably supposed to offend Wille, but there was the slightest hint of involuntary amusement to Simon’s tone that caused his lips to pull into a smirk instead. “Nah. I think kettle burns kinda suck.”

It was obvious from the puff of startled laughter that left Simon’s mouth that he hadn’t expected that sort of answer. He also didn’t seem to have much to say in return, instead giving a soft shake of his head.

“So where are you from originally?” Wille asked, emboldened by the somewhat positive reaction. This time. Simon’s answer came much faster.

“Stockholm. I’ve lived there all my life.”

“Oh wow. That’s probably pretty different from here, huh?”

“You can say that again.” For a moment, Simon almost looked like he was joking with Wille, rather than jabbing at him. Then, he seemed to catch himself and pressed his lips into a tight line. “But I’ll be gone again by the end of the summer. Just gotta make some money first.”

“You know, it’s not actually all that bad here.”

Truthfully, Wille wasn’t sure why he was still talking. Simon had made it pretty clear that he wasn’t really interested in a conversation. And yet, there was this odd need in Wille to cheer him up, to make him see at least a little bit of sun through this cloud of anger he’d wrapped himself in. So he kept talking even as Simon shot him an unimpressed look. “I mean, sure, it’s probably not as exciting as Stockholm. But we have some pretty good beaches, and there’s an arcade that lets you buy tokens for pretty cheap.”

“An arcade, huh?” If Wille wasn’t mistaken, he sounded at least as intrigued as he did teasing.

“Yeah”, he doubled down, “They’ve got Pac Man and Space Invaders. I haven’t been in a while but I think they also got a bunch of new stuff for the season.”

After a moment, Simon hummed in response, which was probably the most enthusiasm Wille was gonna get out of him. For now, he told himself. Why he was so set on helping Simon come around when he’d been dismissive at best this whole time, Wille didn’t know. Maybe it was simply nice to have something to focus on other than the same old exchanges with the same boring customers.

“There’s also a pretty good record store on Storgatan. They get all the newest soundtracks the fastest. And if you get Tove on your side, you sometimes get to watch movies for free.”

He didn’t mention that the latter was by far his favorite part of the job, and a big reason why he was still doing it after four years. Therefore, he was even more surprised when Simon asked, “Is that your thing, then? Movies?”

“Kinda.” Wille pursed his lips as he thought the question over. One thing that came with the territory of having known all of his friends since kindergarten was that he didn’t really get asked much about what his ‘thing’ was.

“I think they’re fun. And it’s really cool to think about how they do all the practical effects, and how you can tell a completely different story depending on what camera angles you use.”

“I’ve never really thought about that,” Simon said, sounding actually pensive. Wille shrugged when he didn’t say more, unsure of whether to reveal that he’d been thinking about it enough to have used a good portion of his earnings from the past year to buy himself a Super 8 camera, just to try it for himself.

Instead, he asked, “What’s your thing, then?”

“Music”; Simon said almost instantly, and for the first time all day, his face split into a genuine smile. “That’s why I wanna study it.”

“In Stockholm?”

“Mhm.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah. Cool.”

This time, Simon looked directly at him as his smile widened, taking on an almost mirthful quality. His eyes looked really pretty when he allowed them to sparkle like that. Wille had been right about the eyeliner helping to bring out the warmth in them.

Wille returned his gaze for a moment, until Simon finally lifted his injured hand. “All done.”

It was only now that Wille remembered why they’d even come here in the first place.

“Right”, he said, trying not to let on how he’d completely blocked out the fact that they were supposed to be working, Stupid brown eyes. “Let’s get this stuff back in its place then.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he added through a smirk, “From now on, try not to touch the kettle. It can get pretty hot.”

The glare Simon sent his way held only a fraction of the annoyance it had just five minutes ago. Still, there was a certain snide to his tone when he replied, “If I were you I’d worry about that whole staring thing instead. You’re not exactly subtle.”

With that and one last knowing look in Wille’s direction, he spun around and walked out the door, leaving Wille to feel his cheeks fill with heat. He hadn’t been staring that much, had he? No, he determined, maybe just a little bit toward the end. Which was only fair, given that he didn’t exactly meet pretty guys wearing eyeliner every day. And Simon was very pretty.

Goddamn, Wille thought as he forced himself to move and follow Simon back into the corridor. It really was gonna be a long summer.

+++

Wille was already cutting it close for his evening shift when his dad’s Volvo turned into the driveway. When his dad spotted him, he lifted a hand in greeting. Then, he gestured for Wille to stop his bike and wait while he put the car in park and got out.

“Hey, son”, he repeated his greeting as he walked toward where Wille only had one foot on the ground, the other one still on its pedal.

“Hey, dad. I’m kind of on the run, my shift starts in fifteen.”

“Good, good. I won’t hold you up long.”

The tone in which he said this made something in Wille’s chest sink. If his dad was using his “don’t you worry about a thing” voice, it usually meant that he was about to give Wille a reason to worry.

“I was just thinking - have you made a list of parts yet that you need for the Saab? Stein Ulfsson is closing shop soon to retire, so you might get a good deal if you drop by there in the next two weeks.”

Right. Wille had wondered when the car would come up again. His father had been suspiciously silent about it ever since Wille’s birthday last month, when he’d revealed his grand gift to be a half-functional Saab 93, manufactured in the glorious year of 1961, that Wille could ‘fix up if he wanted to have a steady ride’. The wanting part wasn’t really optional, of course. With Erik having gone off to the states to be a big shot on Wall Street and thereby leaving Wille as the only heir to Dahlgren bil & bikes, the car repair shop that their dad had spent decades building up big enough to warrant opening a second store on the other side of town, it was naturally expected of Wille to show more of an interest in vehicles in general and fixing cars in particular.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to do it. There’d been enough hours spent helping his dad at the garage - for free, of course, because getting his hands and clothes greasy with his dad was a fun bonding experience, apparently - for him to know his way around a car fairly well. He just had yet to find the fun in it. Which would eventually happen, he was sure. But that could well wait until the end of the summer, when he’d start officially working for his dad. His plans for this summer definitely did not include spending hours in an overheated workshop trying to get a nearly thirty year old car to run again.

“I, uh, haven’t really gotten around to it yet”, he therefore told his dad, feeling the confidence drain from his voice with each word. This would not do, and he knew it. And really, just as he’d expected, his father’s forehead scrunched up in vague dismay.

“Well, you better get to it if you want to make use of it at all. Soon enough you’ll be working hard and you won’t have much time to drive around for hours.”

Wille knew better than to point out that he had no desire to drive around for hours. He also didn’t tell his father how he didn’t see why he would need to, given that it took him about 40 minutes by bike to get from one end of town to the other, and everything he needed was in said town. Instead, he did what he knew would get his dad off his back the quickest. He nodded.

“Yeah, totally. I’ll have a look at it soon.”

“If you want, we can have a crack at it together this weekend. Let your old man give you some pointers.”

“That’s really nice, dad, but I think I have a shift on Saturday, and Felice’s birthday is coming up, so–”

“You know, that place is lucky to have you. They should give you a day off to spend some time with your dad.”

His father’s eyebrows had moved even closer together now, and Wille knew he was skirting dangerously close to getting a whole lecture if he didn’t play his cards right.

“You’re right”, he therefore said, putting on the most convincing innocent smile he could muster. “I’ll ask. But I should probably make sure I’m on time for that, so…”

“Alright then”, his dad said, causing Wille’s chest to flood with relief. He’d done it, for now. He could worry about how to get out of spending his weekend hauled up at the garage when he had more capacity to think.

“You better make it clear to them that it’s not a given you’re still working there. If it were up to me–”

“I know, dad”, Wille hurried to say, before they could slide into the next lecture. “I’m sure I’ll be able to work something out with them.”

“Good, good.”

With this, Wille’s dad finally let him go. It took all of his effort to make it to Roxy with one minute to spare and some probably unflattering sweat stains that he didn’t have time to think about now. Tove would not be happy if she caught him slipping into the changing rooms at a time when he was already supposed to be at his designated station. It was therefore that Wille may have been trying to walk extra quietly past her office on his way to get to the room in question.

He didn’t mean to snoop, he really didn’t. And yet, when Simon’s voice rang out from where the back door stood slightly ajar, he caught himself slowing down his steps to listen.

“I know, Sara. But I’ve already asked for an advance and they said no. Are you sure you can’t use your old breeches for a few more weeks?”

“They’re coming apart at the seams, Simon. And besides, even if I didn’t need a new pair, the money would barely cover a one-way ticket.”

“That’s all I need”; Simon said in response, his voice carrying none of the indifference he’d been so good at portraying all throughout the past week. Instead, he sounded downright pleading. “I just gotta get to the audition. I promise I’ll pay you back.”

“With what?” the Sara person asked surprisingly bluntly. “If you’re stuck in Stockholm that means you can’t work here, which means you make no money. And besides, do you really think Ayub’s parents are gonna let you crash at their house for a whole week?”

There was no response from Simon for a little bit. Maybe it was the sudden silence that made Wille realize what he was doing, and just how bad it would look if Simon or his conversation partner were to come back inside right now to find him lingering in the hallway. He’d just started taking a step toward the changing rooms again when he heard Simon let out a sigh.

“Why did mom have to pick now for us to move? Why couldn’t she just have waited one more month until–”

“You know why”, the woman that Wille guessed from context was Simon’s sister said, and there was something in her tone that made Wille once and for all decide that he should not be listening in on this clearly private conversation. Making sure to keep his steps as light as they’d been before, he made his way past the open door and to the changing rooms, where he did a speed-change before hurrying back down the corridor to where he was now five minutes late to start work. It was at around the fifteenth ticket he stamped before giving it back to its owner that the contents of Simon’s talk with his probably-sister finally lined up in his head.

So Simon needed to get to Stockholm for an audition, and he obviously didn’t have enough money for a train ticket. Was this his audition for the music university thing? Probably, right? That would’ve explained why it was so important to him. But that meant that, if he didn’t find a way to get there on time–

Wille felt an actual pang to his stomach. That just couldn’t be. Simon could not miss out on his chance to study music because of a stupid train ticket.

Maybe Wille could lend him the money. Yeah, that could work. But from the little bits he’d learned about Simon, he probably would’ve hated having to take money from someone he barely knew. So maybe Wille would just have to make it look like it was a mutually beneficial thing. But how?

Twenty-three more tickets had gone by when the idea hit him. Maybe he couldn’t get Simon to believe that buying him a train ticket was somehow beneficial for Wille. But trains weren’t the only way to get places, right? And wouldn’t this plan also help in getting Wille’s dad off his back?

Yes, Wille decided, this was exactly what he was gonna do. He was gonna ask Simon to help him fix up the Saab, and in return, he was gonna offer to take him to Stockholm. Now he’d just need to figure out a way to suggest this plan to Simon without admitting that he’d been listening in on his private conversation. But hey, his shift wasn’t gonna be over for another three-and-a-half hours. Surely, he’d be able to come up with something by then.

Chapter Text

Wille did not come up with something by the end of his shift, or the end of the next one. He could’ve probably asked Felice for some advice, seeing as she was usually good with words and getting people on her side and all that. But then he would’ve had to explain to her why he was willing to go to such lengths to help someone he barely knew, and frankly, he still had a hard time fully understanding that himself. Well, besides the fact that fixing an old car with Simon sounded more fun than doing it with his dad, if only for the sake of not having to fake enthusiasm about it.

Either way, he had no interest in having his motives questioned, so Felice was out. Which left him with only one option – to be straightforward about the whole thing and risk coming off as a total weirdo. He didn’t really have much to lose, right? Either Simon would accept his offer, or he wouldn’t. Whatever was gonna happen, he’d have done what he could to help.

Their shared Thursday evening shift seemed like a good time to broach the subject, one because it was unusually quiet for a Thursday, and two because they’d been assigned the snack stand together. They hadn’t talked all that much since starting their shift, which didn’t surprise Wille, given how resolutely Simon still kept to himself. It was kind of impressive actually, how he managed to ditch any attempt at small talk without fail. Not even Jorgunn had gotten him to crack so far, and Wille had witnessed her getting Justus to say more than two sentences at a time before.

It felt even more daunting, therefore, when Wille used a longer lull in business to say, “So, I hear you need a ride to Stockholm.”

Simon’s head flew up at that. “Where did you hear that?”

“I have my sources”, Wille replied, trying to sound much more nonchalant than he felt. It seemed he hadn’t done a very good job, judging from the crease that had appeared on Simon’s forehead.

“Have you been snooping about me?”

He sounded about equal parts mad and incredulous. Under these circumstances, Wille deemed it best not to give a direct answer to that question.

“Look”, he said instead. “It doesn’t matter where I heard it. The point is, do you want my help getting there or not?”

It was kind of fascinating, watching Simon’s battling emotions play out on his face. First, there was mostly annoyance, then a kind of fiery determination settled in, though Wille didn’t miss the hint of skepticism it was laced with.

“How exactly would you be able to help me?”

“I could drive you there. I have a car that I got for my birthday.”

For a second, it looked like Simon was gonna make a snarky remark. But then instead, he asked, “So you’d be willing to take me all the way to Stockholm and back? You realize that’s, like, a twelve hour drive one way, right?”

“I did pay attention in geography class, yes.”

Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to be teasing Simon, given how easily he’d turned that around on Wille the last time. It was just so tempting, though, watching him get agitated. Especially when Wille had a strong suspicion that there wasn’t all that much real exasperation to his dramatic eyeroll.

“I can’t really pay you”, Simon declared after a moment without further acknowledging Wille’s joke. “I mean, I’ll pay you back for gas and all that when I get my paycheck at the end of the month. But if you were hoping to make a quick buck from this—”

“I don’t want any payment”, Wille hurried to say. That seemed to genuinely stump Simon, at least enough for him to open and shut his mouth twice without saying anything.

“So let me get this straight”, he then said, his eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched up in a way that looked more adorable than Wille suspected he’d appreciate. “You’re willing to take me all the way to Stockholm and back, in your own car, for no payment whatsoever.”

“Correct”, Wille told him, pulling his lips into the brightest, most upbeat smile he could muster, partially to convince Simon of his earnestness, and partially because the dumbfounded look on Simon’s face was kind of really funny.

“So what’s the catch?”

That made Wille’s smile dim a little. “What do you mean?”

“There’s got to be a catch to all this. Nobody just does this kind of stuff for someone they barely know.”

“Well”, Wille started to say, but then trailed off. Somehow, the “I do”, he’d wanted to say sounded kind of dumb in his head all of a sudden. Additionally, he remembered the second half of his plan at that exact moment, trying not to let the growing unease in his stomach seep into his voice when he said, “The thing is, my car doesn’t really drive yet.”

If he’d seen the disbelieving look on Simon’s face a minute ago, Wille would’ve found it hilarious. Now, though, Simon’s flat, “Of course it doesn’t”, sounded resigned enough to make the ball of unease twist up into itself.

“It’s an older car, so it’ll need some parts replaced”, he hurried to explain, wanting to make it clear that he wasn’t doing this to mess with Simon. “It shouldn’t be that big of a project, though. I know how to do it. I could just use a helping hand.”

It was clear, as Simon’s eyes flitted back and forth across his face, that about a million different things were going on behind them, though it was impossible for Wille to pinpoint what they were. Ultimately, after several grueling seconds of silence, Simon’s lips settled into a decided line.

“Okay. I’ll help you if you can get me to Stockholm by noon on the 24th.”

“Deal”, Wille said gravely despite the wave of relief flooding his chest in almost giddy bubbles. He needed Simon to know he was taking this seriously, after all. On a whim, he also held out his hand, palm sideways. Simon eyed it for a couple seconds, then his gaze flitted back up to Wille’s face, the smallest of smirks pulling on his mouth.

“Deal”, he said, and then his hand was in Wille’s, warm and strong and steady. It was a short handshake, the briefest of touches, nothing but a gesture of agreement. And yet, Wille felt tingles shoot from where his palm pressed against Simon’s all the way up his arm and down his spine like little bolts of electricity, causing him to have to suppress a shiver.

Thankfully, he didn’t have much time to think about what the fuck that was all about, given that a group of young teens had just hit the booth, causing both of them to disband their handshake. Only once their new customers had been provided with a boatload of candy and sodas did Simon turn to him again to ask, “So when are you free to work on the car?”

“We can start on Sunday, if that works for you?”

It wasn’t much of a surprise to Wille when Simon agreed that Sunday did, in fact, work for him. According to the board in Tove’s office, he was only supposed to come in Saturday, and after that Tuesday through Thursday and Saturday again. And honestly, based on his less than sunny disposition toward everyone in here, Wille doubted he’d found many friends outside of work to spend the weekend with so far.

“Cool”, he assessed, only noticing what he’d said when he spotted the renewed smirk on Simon’s face. What did it matter, though, if Simon thought he used the word ‘cool’ too much? None of Wille’s friends had ever complained about it. And besides, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing to witness Simon showing even the smallest emotion that wasn’t either boredom or annoyance.

“Sunday it is then”, Wille declared, deciding to own his word choices.

“I guess so.”

With that sorted out, Simon nodded in the direction of the storage room. “I’ll go stock up some candy before the next hungry horde can raid us completely.”

He didn’t wait for a response before following through on his announcement, making it clear that to him, the conversation was over. And yet Wille couldn’t help but feel his lips pull into a slight smile. This was the longest unprompted sentence Simon had said to him so far. Maybe he really was coming around a bit.

+++

Wille had not expected that the hardest thing about fixing a car with Simon would be keeping his dad out of the garage. Ever since Simon had arrived twenty minutes ago - five minutes before their agreed upon time, which really wasn’t that important and didn’t mean anything and Wille had no idea why his mind seemed to want to cling onto this tiny insignificant detail - he’d been hovering around them, doling out advice and literally looking over Wille’s shoulder. Which was probably intended to help, except all it did was drive Wille to the edge of insanity.

“Now that sounds like a faulty ignition coil if I’ve ever heard one”, he was currently saying, barely a second after Wille had turned off the engine, which had taken him five tries in a row to properly start.

“I know, Dad.” Wille tried not to sound too annoyed as he clambered back out of the driver’s door. “I’ve dealt with those before.”

“You know”, his father continued as if he hadn’t said anything, throwing first Simon and then Wille a look that said he was letting them in on a secret, “back in the 60s they didn’t have check engine lights yet. All they had was what they called ‘idiot lights’. Because-”

“Because they would only light up to tell you when something was already severely wrong”, Wille recited the fact he’d been hearing since early childhood. “And at that point only an idiot couldn’t have figured that out by themselves.”

“That’s right, son.” His father didn’t seem the slightest bit deterred by Wille’s listless tone. If anything, he looked delighted to see that one of his recurring lectures had stuck with him.

“You boys are lucky it’s only the ignition coil. Although I’d also check that front buffer if I were you. And don’t forget to look for a tail light when you’re at Ulfsson’s shop. He might try to crank up the price on that by acting like they’re hard to come by, but if you just tell him straight up that-”

“I know, Dad”, Wille said yet again, and this time, he didn’t much try to hide his annoyance at all. “I know what I’m doing. I’ve dealt with Ulfsson before. And this isn’t the first car I’m working on.”

“Damn right, it’s not”, his dad declared, briefly patting Wille’s shoulder as if to give his approval. If he sensed that something was off, he was, as usual, pretty damn good at ignoring it. Not Simon, though. Wille could distinctly feel his gaze on them, wandering from Wille to his dad and then back. It was hard to tell without outright checking, but if Wille wasn’t completely off, he seemed even more tense than usual. Which was the opposite of what Wille had wanted to achieve with this whole ‘fixing a car together’ thing. So now his dad wasn’t only annoying him, he was also ruining Simon’s mood. If that was even possible.

Honestly, he might’ve already been tense from the moment he’d arrived at the garage, washed out jeans and paint-streaked black shirt and all. It wasn’t like Wille had had any time to figure that out, with his dad starting to mingle before they’d even gotten a chance to properly talk. Maybe that was the last little straw that caused Wille to step away from his dad’s touch and ignore the flash of surprise that crossed his expression in reaction.

“I thought the whole point of this was for me to fix the car. For practice, or whatever. That’s why I asked Simon to help me.”

He chanced a glance at the boy in question, finding his forehead pulled into a slight frown. Otherwise, his expression was pretty much blank, something he seemed to be a master at upholding. With virtually no new input, Wille turned back to look at his dad.

“Isn’t there something you can help mom with? We’ve got this covered.”

For a moment, it looked like his dad was going to argue, looking back and forth between Wille and Simon like he was looking for something in their plans to oppose. But then Wille watched his shoulders sink a little instead.

“I see”, he said, plastering on that phony smile Wille had seen him use on clients time and time again. “Well, you boys have fun then! Make sure to lock up after yourselves.”

With that, and one last acknowledging nod in Simon’s direction, he finally made to leave. Wille suppressed the sigh that wanted to leave his chest the moment he’d rounded the corner to get to his car, instead drawing his lips up into a small smile to face Simon with.

“Sorry about him. We can get started for real now.”

Simon’s face stayed just as neutral as before, yet his voice felt oddly scathing when he said, “Seemed like he was just trying to help. You shouldn’t apologize for that.”

Wille felt the last leftovers of his already weak smile slip away completely. Was Simon mad at him?

“Oh, uhm”, he stammered not at all gracefully, “I mean, it’s just - He can get a bit overbearing sometimes, you know?”

“Mhmm.”

That single hum seemed to be the only answer Simon was going to give him, seeing as he turned away to nod toward the car barely a moment later, the same familiar indifference back in his tone. “Shall we get to it then?”

+++

They’d been at it for barely thirty minutes when Wille was starting to feel like this might’ve been a mistake. Sure, it was nice that Simon seemed eager to get properly started on the work. That also meant, though, that he looked considerably frustrated when Wille admitted that they couldn’t actually do all that much without the replacement parts they’d hopefully be able to get from Ulfsson’s shop once it opened during the week.

“Good thing we’re doing this on a Sunday then”, he pointed out, the eye roll practically audible in his voice. It made Wille’s already warm cheeks feel a bit hotter still.

“I was thinking we could at least take stock today. Figure out which parts we’re gonna need today so we can get started right away next time and make some good progress this week.”

“This week?” Simon’s voice went up about an octave on the last word, something that would’ve probably been funny under different circumstances. “I thought we were just gonna wam-bam-and-done this whole thing today. You realize we’ve gotta be able to drive this thing all the way to Stockholm in less than two weeks, right?”

As much as Wille didn’t feel like laughing, he couldn’t fully suppress the snort that made its way up his throat and out of his nose. It expectedly made Simon’s expression darken further.

“Look, if this is all just some big joke to you, then-”

“No!”

Simon looked a bit taken aback by the intensity of his outburst, which might not have boded well for Wille’s dignity. For the sake of maintaining at least a sense of it, he tried to focus on the fact that the angry glimmer in Simon’s eyes wasn’t quite as concentrated anymore.

“I’m taking this seriously”, he doubled down, refusing to blush more under Simon’s critical gaze. “It’s just that-”

He paused for a moment, wondering if what he was about to say might be met with renewed anger. But ultimately, he wanted to be honest with Simon. And aside from the current tension between them, the situation was really fucking funny.

“You don’t just fix a car in a day. There’s parts you need to get and sometimes you think you’re done but then it turns out something much more complicated is actually broken.”

“Oh.” For a moment, Simon seemed almost embarrassed, though Wille only had about half a second to spot it with how quickly he rearranged his features into a somewhat defiant expression. “Well, you said it wasn’t gonna be a big deal, so…”

“It isn’t”, Wille insisted, chancing an encouraging smile that he didn’t let waver, even under Simon’s continuous glare. “If we get the parts early tomorrow, we can start putting them in already. And I have a late shift on Friday and Sunday, so we can work on it in the morning on those days, too. If we put that time in, there’s a good chance it’ll be done by the end of the week.”

Simon considered him for a long moment. Long enough for Wille to start mentally preparing himself for another jab. It never came, though. Instead Wille watched him purse his lips, and then, somewhat wearily, say, “Okay. I can do a week.”

Trying to tone down his sudden enthusiasm - he kind of couldn’t believe he’d gotten Simon to agree this easily - Wille nodded.

“So how about we meet at Ulfsson’s tomorrow at ten?”

“Sure, that works.”

“Cool.”

It almost looked for a moment like the left corner of Simon’s mouth might be pulling up into something resembling a smile, though maybe that was just Wille’s current excitement making his imagination go overboard. Either way, it would’ve been only a brief one, because the very next second, Simon’s eyebrows drew together.

“Wait. How do you even know I’m free tomorrow? Or any of the other days actually?”

For the umpteenth time today, Wille felt himself blush. Of course it would’ve been too much to ask for Simon not to notice that little detail.

Assuming that the real answer - namely that he’d copied their respective schedules off the board in Tove’s office to figure out when they’d both be free, and, after realizing that that would only leave them Monday, had talked Justus into switching some of his late shifts for Wille’s early ones - would not do anything to help his already impaired dignity, he went for a shrug that hopefully looked more confident than he felt at the moment.

“Call it an informed guess.”

“You–” Simon started to say, but then he seemed to change his mind halfway, giving a small shake of his head instead. Then, indifferent mask slipping back into place with an almost alarming effortlessness, he tilted his head to ask, “Does that mean we’re done for today?”

Wille barely had time to agree when Simon had already hopped off the workbank he’d been sitting on, throwing a half-hearted goodbye over his shoulder upon walking out. Well, that hadn’t exactly gone as Wille had hoped, though thinking about it, he couldn’t have put into words exactly what he’d wanted to happen today. All that he could do was tell himself that tomorrow would go better, and he’d embarrass himself much less then. Maybe. Hopefully.

+++

On Monday morning, Wille was the one to get to Stein Ulfsson’s auto parts shop ten minutes early, which meant he had to wait a little over fifteen minutes for his new partner in crime to show up. Their greeting was short and vaguely awkward, although Simon looked a little less gloomy today. Or maybe that was just the bright orange t-shirt he’d put on over his patch-scattered jean shorts. It was only now that Wille realized that save for their work uniform, he’d only ever seen Simon in black. The bright color suited him, though Wille knew better than to tell him that.

The moment the elderly shop owner, whose head held more bald patches than it did graying hair, spotted Wille entering his shop, he was on them like a hawk, asking after Wille’s dad and the workshop and altogether wrapping him in an ever-growing web of conversation that he wouldn’t have known how to get out of by himself. Thankfully, Simon didn’t seem to have any qualms when it came to redirecting the conversation to what they actually needed as many times as was necessary. It still took them over an hour and a half to gather two ignition coils, one front buffer and a set of windshield wipers for the old Saab. They’d have to wait for the final shipment of tail lights to come in, Stein told them, seeing as those were quite rare. Wille didn’t miss the suppressed snort coming from Simon at that last remark.

With the order put in and the rest of the stuff loaded into their respective panniers, they made their way to Dahlgren bil & bikes. Wille had barely gotten off his saddle when Simon, buffer already in hand, asked, “So what should we start with?” Wille had a sneaking suspicion that his enthusiasm had less to do with a newly discovered love for fixing cars, and more with him wanting to get this whole thing over with. And maybe just a little bit of remaining worry about not getting the car ready in time.

“I think it’s best we get the new coil in, just to see if that really was the only thing wrong. No use switching out the buffer if we can’t get the engine running properly.”

“Don’t worry, though”, he added quickly at the sight of Simon’s widening eyes. “I’m like 99% sure it’s just that. Maybe 99.5. We’ll be on the road in no time, I promise.”

“That’s good.” Maybe it was the relief, but for the first time since meeting him, Wille watched Simon’s lips draw up into an actual smile. A small one, kind of shaky, with a hint of tension still to it. But a smile nonetheless. It lit up his face enough to make the entire collection of Wille’s thoughts crash into a wall, the pieces rearranging themselves into just one single thought. Simon was beautiful when he smiled.

“You’re doing it again.” Simon’s voice ripped him from his momentary trance. He must’ve looked as confused as he felt, because after a moment, Simon clarified, “The staring thing.”

The heat shooting up Wille’s neck and into his cheeks was as annoying as it was familiar at this point. Why did Simon have to keep catching these tiny moments of Wille losing his grip on his thoughts? He hadn’t thought about how pretty Simon was all morning until now. Or, well. He’d barely thought about it. But Simon was the kind of pretty that was impossible to not acknowledge from time to time. Even now, while watching Wille with a slightly lifted eyebrow and a purse to his shiny, pink lips.

It took a noise that closely resembled a snort from him for Wille to realize he should be saying something. The only word that his brain seemed to be able to think of, however, was a highly eloquent, “Oh.”

“Oh?” The single eyebrow moved further up at that.

“I mean”, Wille spluttered, his tongue suddenly feeling weirdly glued to the bottom of his mouth. “Sorry, that— I was just— That wasn’t—“

He trailed off at the sound of a chuckle, quiet and breathy and somehow freaking melodic. It was only now that he realized Simon didn’t actually look pissed off. If anything, he seemed vaguely amused.

“It’s fine”, he was now saying, quiet laughter still coloring his voice, and to Wille’s relief, he looked like he meant it. “Honestly, as long as you’re getting me to my audition, you can stare all you want.”

“I will.”

Only once he saw both of Simon’s eyebrows fly up did Wille realize how that had sounded.

“I mean I’ll take you to your audition”, he hurried to clarify, at the same time trying to ignore the renewed flush of heat to his face.

“Well, good.”

For a moment, there it was again, that genuine, almost warm smile, before Simon grew serious again.

“That means we should probably get to work on the car, though.”

Without waiting for a reaction, Simon had already turned to walk toward the workshop’s entrance.

“Yeah”, Wille called out after him, torn between relief and disappointment that their brief moment of connection seemed already over again. “We probably should.”

+++

“Socket?”

“Here.”

“Wrench?”

“Yup.”

“Aaaand… here’s the coil.”

“Got it.”

If Wille wasn’t mistaken, Simon sounded almost a little proud as he accepted the faulty coil from Wille, using an already grease-streaked rag to take it out of Wille’s fairly greasy fingers.

“What’s next?” he asked, looking surprisingly eager, especially by his standards.

“Now we put in the new one and connect all the cables back. And then we hope it worked.”

“That’s… actually not that complicated”, Simon assessed, sounding equal parts surprised and relieved.

“Told you it wasn’t a big deal.” Wille couldn’t help the pleased grin spreading on his cheeks. “You’re working with a pro here.”

“I can see that”, Simon said, and Wille thought it sounded commendatory, if begrudgingly so. He felt his grin deepening a little.

“Well, you’re a great assistant”, he told Simon, receiving a snort in response.

“Yeah. Sure.”

It was astounding how quickly Simon could go from basically complimenting Wille to shutting down again, walls firmly drawn up around him, face back to that same blank, almost cold expression. He didn’t give Wille much time to ponder on it, making his way over to where the new coil was laid out on a clean rag to retrieve it.

They worked in mostly companionable silence for a while, the only words exchanged being directions from Wille and the occasional question for clarification from Simon. The space between was filled with the sounds of Wille’s dad and two other mechanics, Joke and Sebbe, working around them, the usual soundtrack of buzzing and clanking wafting over easily into their little corner.

Thankfully, both the old and the new buffer were cooperating well. By the time they’d finished loosening all the necessary bolts - taking turns on the wrench this time - Simon was looking a little less enthused, and Wille could tell that his own energy levels had also taken a considerable decline.

“We should take a break”, he suggested, watching a sliver of relief cross Simon’s face. At the same time, as if on command, Simon’s stomach gave off a rumbling sound that made them lock eyes, a chuckle falling from Wille’s lips without him being able to stop it.

“I’ll take that as agreement”, he said, watching the corners of Simon’s mouth twitch and then form a lopsided smile.

“I guess a snack couldn’t hurt.”

“How about we drop by the pizza place next door then? Bit pricey but it’s pretty good.”

Once again, he watched the smile slip off Simon’s cheeks quicker than it had formed there. Though this time, he looked less guarded and more… embarrassed?

“That’s okay”, he said, not quite managing to suppress a hint of regretfulness. “I’ll just swing by my mom’s and pick something up.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Wille’s first instinct was to leave it at that and count his losses instead of risking any more. If Simon didn’t wanna have lunch with him, that was fine. But something about Simon’s tone and the unusually self-conscious posture he’d taken on made him pause. Maybe this wasn’t about Simon not wanting to eat with Wille. Maybe he didn’t like pizza. Or maybe - maybe he felt weird spending money on food when he was supposed to be saving up to pay Wille back for the drive. Yeah, that sounded logical enough for him to take another gamble.

“I could also make us some sandwiches at mine”, he said, and then, because Simon didn’t look pissed off or horrified like he’d feared, he added, “I make a mean cheese and cucumber sandwich.”

It seemed like that had been the last little push Simon had needed. Now Wille watched in fascination as the corners of his mouth pulled upwards again, lighting up his face and chasing away any leftover insecurity.

“Well, then you’re leaving me with no choice, right? I’ve got to try that.”

Wille was proud to report that his, “Exactly”, only came out the tiniest bit awestruck. What was a guy to do, after all, when faced with the most beautifully radiant smile that he’d put on Simon’s face?

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Wille realized that those were exactly the kinds of thoughts he shouldn’t be having about the guy he planned to spend twelve consecutive hours in a car with and keep things entirely platonic. The thought held no power in the face of Simon’s smile, though, or the fact that he’d just gladly accepted an invitation to Wille’s house. And so Wille told that tiny part in the back of his mind that he’d be fine, and led the way to their bikes.

+++

“You can just leave your shoes here by the door”, Wille told Simon upon entering. He didn’t mention that his mother would have his head if he let a guest step on the carpet in outside shoes. Or, for that matter, that she wouldn’t have appreciated him bringing home a friend unannounced if she’d been here to witness it. Not that he and Simon were friends, really. But as luck had it, his mother had her weekly bridge game with her church choir friends on Mondays, which left them with the whole house to themselves.

Simon had returned to being exceptionally quiet again as he trotted behind Wille, down the ground floor hallway and into the kitchen. When Wille turned back upon reaching the fridge, he found him eyeing the wall clock above the back counter, a blue and orange mosaic piece that Wille’s mother had bought during last year’s spring auction. If he remembered correctly, the money had gone towards the restoration of the old east church tower that year.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked, figuring that his mom’s decor choices weren’t really something Simon would be eager to hear about. “There’s water and juice and some Fanta Black Orange if you want.”

“Black Orange sounds good, thanks.” For some reason, the small smile Simon sent his way was back to looking almost shy, if not slightly uncomfortable. While retrieving the soda from the fridge, Wille mentally speed-ran through the little conversation they’d had since leaving the garage to see if he’d somehow said something to cause this shift. He couldn’t come up with anything, though, and so he decided to act like he hadn’t noticed for the time being and busied himself with getting out the crisp bread - the good one that his mom kept in a special box all the way at the back of the cabinet - and slicing the cheese and cucumber. He was in the middle of buttering the bread when Simon spoke up from behind him.

“Have you always lived in this place?”

Turning back briefly, Wille gave a shake of his head. “When I was little, we had an apartment across town. We only moved into this place after my mom inherited her share of my grandpa’s money. So, like, five or six years ago, I think? Around the same time that my dad opened his second shop.”

“It’s, uh. It’s nice.”

“Thanks.”

Wille didn’t really know what else to say to that, especially since Simon still sounded uncharacteristically tentative and unsure. To fill the silence that was on the verge of tipping into awkwardness, he asked, “So how have you been liking Luleå?”

Again, Simon’s answer came out surprisingly un-sassy. “It’s okay, I guess. Not as bad as it could be.”

“Have you tried out the arcade yet?”

“No, not yet. Maybe after the audition.”

“You should. It’s really fun.”

With both sandwiches done, Wille turned to face Simon again, receiving a non-committal smile when he put down his plate on the counter in front of him.

“Thanks.”

“No worries.”

They started eating in silence, perched on the off-white bar stools that Wille’s mom had picked more for style than comfort. Wille debated for a moment whether he should suggest they move somewhere more comfortable. But their long dining table felt too formal for the occasion, and somehow the thought of inviting Simon into his room felt more daunting than just enduring the uncomfortable chair.

Which was weird. He didn’t usually have any hangups about inviting friends into his room. But then again, as he’d just reminded himself a few minutes ago, they weren’t technically friends. Very likely, the only reason Simon was even here with him right now was because he needed Wille to do him a favor, as much as putting it bluntly like that made something in Wille’s chest tighten.

Before he could dwell on the feeling, Simon surprised him yet again by breaking the silence.

“Have you lived here all your life, then?” he asked, and maybe it was wishful thinking, but it sounded like there was actual curiosity behind the question.

“Yep. Born and raised”, Wille replied, “I mean, I’ve been to other cities, of course. And on vacation to Spain and Italy. It’s not like I’ve never left this place.”

“Are you planning to go somewhere else once summer’s over?”

The question stumped Wille, so much so that it took him a beat too long to answer, prompting Simon to clarify, “You said you were gonna start working ‘for real’ after summer. Is that work gonna be here, too?”

“Oh. That. Yeah”, Wille said, half-occupied with the realization that Simon had remembered this detail from their very first conversation. “I’m gonna be working with my dad. Get some good experience so I can take over the family business someday.”

“So you’ll be a mechanic?”

“Basically, yeah.” Wille couldn’t quite pinpoint why, but something about the undertone of Simon’s question made him feel oddly defensive. “My dad built this whole business for us to take over, and my brother isn’t really around to do it. So it’s kind of a no-brainer for me.”

“Mhmm.”

Again with the ominous hums. Was this Simom’s new go-to way of ending a conversation he didn’t want to be a part of? But he’d been the one to start it in the first place.

“What do you want to do then?” Wille asked, maybe a bit more defiantly than he’d meant to.

“You mean, besides studying music?

“Yeah.” Wille took a bite of his sandwich, and when Simon still hadn’t answered by the time he’d finished chewing, added, “Like, what’s the end goal?”

“Does everything have to have an end goal?”

There was mirth dancing in the corners of Simon’s eyes when Wille looked up at him. He seemed to really enjoy seeing Wille confused, as was attested to by the slow smile that spread out on his cheeks as he continued to watch him grapple with a response that didn’t seem to want to form itself in his head.

“What if I just want to do something because I love it and see where it takes me?”, Simon finally said when he, too, seemed to realize there wasn’t gonna be a response. Despite his lightly teasing tone, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t just saying this to mess with Wille. There was too much feeling behind the words for that.

“Have you never wanted to do anything like that?”

To his credit, Wille actually thought quite hard about his answer. Still, the thought of pursuing something without any way of knowing whether his efforts were leading him somewhere was too bizarre for him to really wrap his head around, especially with this little notice.

“I guess not”, he finally said after a prolonged silence. “Or, I don’t know. Maybe. I can’t really think of anything right now.”

“What about movies? You said you were into those, right?”

“Sure, but that’s, like, something you do on the weekend. Watch a movie with friends. Maybe discuss it a bit after. Read up on the techniques you like.”

“Well, there you go. That sounds like something you’re doing just because you like doing it.”

Wille couldn’t help but laugh a little at that.

“Yeah, but that’s different. I’m not, like, moving to Stockholm to study film or whatever. That’d be pretty preposterous.”

Only once he’d finished speaking did Wille realize the implications of what he’d just said. And really, Simon’s smile was gone, replaced by that same blank stare Wille thought they’d finally gotten past, the hint of a furrow between his eyebrows.

“I guess you would see it that way”, he said, turning his head to face the window instead of Wille as he chewed his next bite. Wille wanted to slap himself.

“I don’t mean you’re being preposterous”, he tried to restore the sense of ease that had just finally started to form between them. “It’s just that I could never do that. I’m like, way too boring for that, you know? Small town boy and all that.”

“I don’t think you’re boring.”

Within a split second, Simon’s eyes were back on his, sending a small jolt through his body. When had Simon started looking at him with this much intensity? There was none of his usual indifference in that look. In fact, it was quite the opposite. There was so much unspoken emotion in the brown of his eyes, it kinda made Wille’s head spin, and his heart pick up speed inside his chest.

He opened his mouth to say something in return - what, he wasn’t sure yet - but Simon chose that moment to look away again. Maybe it was for the better. Wille was almost entirely sure that the only thing to come out of his mouth right now would’ve been meaningless gibberish anyway.

“Singing”, Simon told the window, “I want to be a singer.”

It took a moment for Wille to grasp the sudden jump in conversation. When he did, he didn’t even have to think for one second about his answer.

“That’s really cool!”

Maybe he’d sounded enthusiastic enough, because Simon turned back for a moment to send him a small smile, before he directed his gaze onto the half-eaten sandwich on his plate to mumble a, “Thanks.”

“So that means you can sing? Like, ‘people on the radio’ sing?”

“I like to try at least.”

Before Wille had even fully opened his mouth, he added, “And no, I’m not gonna sing you something now. That would just be weird for both of us.”

“I beg to differ”, Wille protested, quickly picking up on the tentatively playful mood. “It wouldn’t be weird for me. Unless you’re, like, really bad, and I have to lie to you about it.”

“Wow, thanks for your faith in me, I guess.”

Simon was shaking his head, half-smirking, and then there it was - a rich, warm laugh, sounding out soft and clear in the quiet of Wille’s kitchen. The sound, combined with the sight of Simon’s eyes twinkling with amusement, did something inexplicable to Wille’s chest. And fuck, he really needed to be careful. At the rate he was currently going at, it wouldn’t be long until all the small, beautiful details about Simon were going to fester into a proper crush. Which was definitely the last thing he needed, especially given the fact that Simon was only gonna be around for another month or two. Not that he’d have returned Wille’s feelings otherwise.

Resolutely pushing away any and all crush-related thoughts, Wille finally replied, “You’re not really giving me much of a choice. If you refuse to sing in front of me, I’m gonna have to assume it’s cause you’re bad.”

“Nice try. Not a chance, though”, Simon quipped back, and his smile looked… nice. Normal. Nothing to write home about. Definitely not something to warrant Wille’s heartbeat speeding up. He gestured toward Wille’s plate with his head.

“Go eat your sandwich, so we can get back to work.”

+++

“The Nilssons are selling their house.”

Wille’s mother’s announcement was met with the usual quiet chorus of chewing and a mild, barely decipherable mumble from Wille’s dad. Wille himself was busy pushing around his potatoes on his plate, only half-listening to his mother’s chattering, his thoughts having long strayed to more pressing topics. There was the fact that he still hadn’t decided what to get Felice for her birthday, which was only an alarming two days away. If he was fully honest with himself though, he was mostly thinking about Simon. Or, well. The fact that in all his grand planning, he’d forgotten to properly check the brakes on the Saab. Which he definitely should do sooner rather than later, given that they’d be trusting that car to take them 900 km down the coast, and then another 900 all the way back.

Maybe he’d just get his dad’s key and swing by the workshop after dinner. That way if they did happen to need replacing, he could get the proper parts before Simon would come over on Friday and save both of them some valuable time. Plus, that way Simon might not take him for as much of an idiot for literally forgetting about one of the most important parts of any given car.

Which was a completely normal thing to want to avoid. Nobody liked to come off as an idiot, right? It didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the way Simon’s smile kept making unprompted appearances in Wille’s head whenever he let his thoughts wander for too long.

It took multiple seconds of expectant silence hanging over the dinner table for Wille to realize that he must’ve missed a vital part of his mother’s monologue, probably one in which she’d addressed him in some way, shape or form.

“Sorry, what?” he asked, pushing away any Simon-related thoughts for the moment, in favor of subjecting himself to the disapproving tut he knew all too well from his mother.

“I know you’ve got plenty of other things in that head of yours, but It’d be nice if you could at least be mentally present during family dinner”, she was now saying in the exact scolding tone that made it hard to not roll his eyes at her.

“Sorry”, he repeated instead, choosing the proven way of least resistance. “What were you saying?”

“I asked if Henry is going to be free to help with setting up for your father’s birthday next weekend. We could use an extra pair of hands to help put up the garden tent and the buffet tables. I’ll be busy in the kitchen, and you know how bad your father’s back has been lately.”

“Right”, Wille said, adding a curt nod as if to emphasize that of course, the mandatory garden party his mom organized for his dad’s birthday each year had totally been on his radar. “I’ll ask when I see him tomorrow.”

“It would also be great if you could pick up all the non-alcoholic drinks”, his mom continued in a tone that made it clear she was requesting rather than asking. As if that hadn’t already been clear enough, she added, almost offhandedly, “Might as well use that license of yours for something useful.”

“Sure.” Wille nodded once again, more than happy to be lugging around a bunch of crates if it meant moving on from the topic of party planning so that he could get back to figuring out the brake thing. Or how he hadn’t even once thought about where he and Simon were supposed to stay in Stockholm. Maybe Simon still had some friends there who’d let them crash at their place over the weeken-

Wait. The weekend. The weekend that the party was supposed to happen on. Shit shit shit.

“When exactly are we having the party again?” he asked, stomach already sinking before he’d fully finished the question. There was no way the schedule would line up with his and Simon’s plans, not if Simon’s audition was literally smack in the middle of the weekend.

“We’ll have fika at three”, his mother told him, her tone making it clear that she’d probably already mentioned this.

“On Saturday?” he asked nevertheless, despite knowing it would be a fruitless question.

“What other day would we possibly be having it? Please, Wilhelm.”

“Can’t we have it the weekend after?”

Wille knew that hadn’t been a smart thing to ask practically the moment he finished speaking the words. His mother’s eyebrows had drawn considerably closer together, and even his dad’s expression had gone from mostly passive to cautiously alarmed.

“Now why would we be doing that?”

It was pure desperation that made Wille say, “Because I have plans to help out a friend next weekend.”

His mother’s eyebrows were almost touching now, which was not a good sign at all. Still, Wille couldn’t just abandon his plan like that. Not when it meant endangering Simon’s future. Not when he’d promised to get him to Stockholm.

“Well then your plans will have to wait”, his mom was saying now, and her voice had just about reached its maximum level of commanding. “This is your dad’s birthday we’re talking about. I doubt any of your friends’ problems are more important than that.”

“But-”

“No ‘but’s, Wilhelm. You’ll be at your father’s party next weekend, and that is non-negotiable.”

“You can bring your friend if it helps.” Wille’s head whipped around at the sound of his father’s voice to find him looking vaguely apologetic. “Is he the one helping you with the Saab?”

“Simon, yes”, Wille agreed, a spark of hope flaring up in the center of his chest. “He has an important audition in Stockholm and I promised-”

“You were planning to be in Stockholm the weekend of your father’s birthday?”

Wille didn’t even need to look at his mom to know the exact expression of incredulous disapprovement on her face.

“I didn’t-” Wille started, but got cut off immediately.

“Think? Clearly you did not. And when exactly were you thinking of letting us in on that plan of yours?”

Thankfully, Wille had enough sense left to keep from pointing out how he was eighteen and didn’t technically need her permission to go anywhere. Still, that didn’t change that his mother was clearly pissed, and any slim chance he’d had of getting out of the whole party thing was long gone.

As if to drive that realization home, his dad subtly cleared his throat to say, “I’m sorry, son. But the timing really isn’t ideal. Maybe you can take him the week after?”

“That’s not-” Wille started, but then broke off. It was no use anyway, explaining to his parents how Simon’s audition couldn’t simply be moved the way a birthday party could.

“Fine”, he said instead. “Forget I asked.”

“Any other weekend…”, his dad started saying, leaving his sentence half finished in favor of sending an apologetic shrug in Wille’s direction. Wille couldn’t muster more than a half-hearted twitch of the corner of his mouth in response. He was much too busy panicking about what to do now. He’d promised. And not just that. Simon was relying on him. He’d chosen to trust Wille. Which Wille had a distinct feeling was kind of a big deal for him. Under no circumstances could he let Simon down now.

Maybe… what if they’d fix up the car and he’d leave it to Simon to drive to Stockholm by himself? Sure, it wasn’t an ideal solution, what with the twelve hour drive and all. But maybe Simon could leave early and split it into multiple days. Wille was pretty sure he had an evening shift on Thursday, but Wille could cover that for him. Yeah, that had to be the solution. No way was he gonna be the reason Simon wouldn’t get into music school.

He had a hard time falling asleep that night, the prospect of having to break the change of plans to Simon weighing heavy on his chest. But it would be fine, right? Simon was probably more worried about getting to Stockholm at all, rather than going on a road trip together. Maybe he wouldn’t even be mad or disappointed at all.

It was that thought Wille kept silently repeating to himself until he finally drifted off to sleep sometime around two.

+++

Simon was in an even better mood than last time when he arrived at the garage on Friday, greeting Wille with a smile that could’ve almost been classified as cheerful. Which probably should’ve calmed Wille’s nerves instead of increasing the twinge in his stomach at the thought that he was likely about to ruin his good mood.

Maybe that was why he postponed delivering the news until after they’d successfully installed the new windshield wipers. The brakes, as it had turned out, were thankfully fully intact, which at least eliminated one set of bad news from his list. Now all that was left to do was switch out the tail light, which they planned to pick up from Ulfsson’s shop after giving themselves a short break.

Wille had thought ahead this time, coming prepared with cling-wrapped tuna sandwiches, something that earned him another stomach-swoop inducing smile from Simon. They’d set up on the curb outside the workshop, the bag of chips Simon had produced from his orange backpack sitting between them on the sidewalk. Simon had made it halfway through his sandwich by the time Wille couldn’t take the anticipation anymore.

“So”, he started, attempting a casual tone despite the way his nerves had materialized into a knot in the center of his throat. “About next weekend. I know it’s a bit of a drive, so-”

“Right”, Simon cut him off, and for some reason he looked a bit uncomfortable all of a sudden. “I’ve been thinking about that, too. You probably won’t be able to do the full twelve hours in one day, right?”

“Yeah, that’s kinda what I was getting at.”

Damn it, how was this getting more difficult rather than easier? Wasn’t the beginning of an uncomfortable conversation supposed to be the hardest part?

Wille was almost grateful when once again, Simon started talking before he had the chance to.

“I know it’s a lot I’m asking”, he was saying, gaze only briefly meeting Wille’s before it flickered down to the road between his feet. “I’d totally take turns with you if I had a license, I just kinda never needed one back in Stockholm, so…”

He trailed off there, clearly unaware of the way he’d just sent Wille’s mind spinning. Simon didn’t have a license. Fuck.

He must’ve taken Wille’s silence for annoyance, sounding properly apologetic when he continued speaking.

“I also won’t really be able to afford a hotel to stay at, so we might have to stop somewhere and sleep in the car. I know that’s not the greatest solution, but-”

“No!”

Maybe it wasn’t smart, and maybe he’d regret it later, but the acute need to erase the furrow from between Simon’s eyes was more powerful than Wille’s common sense at this moment in time.

“It’s no problem”, he therefore found himself saying, and the way Simon’s gaze softened at that only strengthened the sense that he was doing the right thing.

“So you’re okay with us leaving early on Friday?” Simon asked, and he sounded so genuinely relieved, it was absolutely impossible for Wille to ruin. So he’d just have to find a way to make that happen. He was not gonna leave Simon hanging. And anyway, a college audition was way more important than a birthday. His parents would just have to understand when he asked for their forgiveness afterwards.

“Sure”, he said, ignoring the way his stomach was twisting ominously. “Friday morning is perfect.”

It probably didn’t bode well for him that the flutter in his chest at Simon’s responding smile was only fifty percent due to dread.

Chapter Text

The house lay completely still when Wille nudged open his bedroom door on Friday morning shortly after five am. The quiet wasn’t really unexpected, given that his parents’ bedroom was all the way at the other end of the hallway, and neither of them usually got up before six. Still, Wille stopped about every three steps, the thin leather handles of his travel bag clutched tightly in his left hand where he’d thrown it over his shoulder, to listen for any noise that would’ve indicated he was about to get caught. There was nothing, and by the time he’d made it to the final, carpet-covered step down to the ground floor, he could feel his breath coming a little bit easier. His heart, however, continued wildly hammering against the inside of his ribcage.

He’d never snuck out of the house before, not even when everyone but him had been allowed to go to the bonfire Henry had had by the beach for his fifteenth birthday. Now that he was walking in quick strides toward where he’d parked the Saab in the further half of the driveway the night before, he could say with certainty that all the movies made it seem way more fun than it was in reality. Bag haphazardly thrown onto the backseat - it seemed too much of a risk to have to close the trunk with his parents’ bedroom window only twenty feet away - Wille got into the driver’s seat, letting out a long breath once he’d carefully closed the car door behind himself. This was fine. He was fine. Every teenager was bound to rebel at some point, and it simply was his turn now. Even if he wasn’t rebelling so much as he was just doing the right thing.

Closing his eyes briefly, Wille let his head rest against the seat and his thoughts drift to Simon. Specifically, Simon’s face and how it had lit up when he’d talked about doing what he loved and becoming a singer. Wille was sure by now, after playing back that exact memory several dozen times in his mind, that he hadn’t imagined the glow that had surrounded Simon’s entire being in that moment. It had been real. And it was more than enough of a reason for Wille to open his eyes now and turn the key in the ignition.

He didn’t wait to see if a window would open, his mother leaning out with an angry expression, shouting down what the hell he thought he was doing. Instead, Wille adjusted gears and, without giving himself a moment to reconsider, reversed out of the driveway.

+++

“It’s early”, was the first and only thing Simon said to him upon opening the front door to his third story apartment. He was dressed in an oversized Deep Purple shirt and boxer shorts, something Wille only gave his brain a split-second to register before his gaze flitted back up again to Simon’s face. His hair looked like it had been hastily smoothed down, and there was a crease that ran across his right cheek, all the way down to his chin. Wille knew better than to address either of those findings.

“You said you wanted to get an early start so… here I am”, he said instead, noticing himself how the brightness in his tone wavered toward the end. From the unimpressed frown on Simon’s face, it didn’t look like he was much of a morning person. Or like he much appreciated Wille showing up to his house at six am. Maybe he should’ve hung out at the bakery a bit longer before coming here. It had felt a little too daunting, though, leaving his car out on a public street for too long when his parents may very well have noticed it missing from their driveway by this point.

It looked for a moment like Simon was going to say something probably not very kind. But then he just gave a small shake of his head before stepping aside to create space for Wille in the doorway.

“Come in. You can wait in the kitchen while I get ready.”

Simon’s kitchen was about half the size of Wille’s, mostly taken up by an L-shaped countertop and a small row of hanging cupboards that looked like they’d seen most of this decade, and maybe even a good portion of the one before that. There was a folding table with two chairs crammed in between the fridge and the door, covered by a wax tablecloth with large, orange flowers printed all over it. Simon was gone before Wille could even think to ask, so he decided for himself that it was okay for him to sit down at said table. The coffee stain in the right corner of it looked fresh, he noticed. So maybe someone other than Simon was already awake?

It was an odd thought, thinking that a member of Simon’s family could walk in at any moment to find Wille sitting at their kitchen table. But surely, Simon would’ve mentioned him, at least as ‘that guy from work who’s giving me a ride to Stockholm’. Nevertheless, Wille felt his hand come up practically by itself to brush back his hair, a nervous gesture he’d been trying to get rid off for longer than he could remember. This was ridiculous. If Simon’s parents were letting him go on a road trip with a total stranger, then the sight of Wille waiting in their kitchen in his red shorts and the thin crewneck sweater he’d pulled on to shield him from the morning chilliness wasn’t gonna change their minds.

His worries turned out to be needless, anyway, given how nobody else had entered the kitchen by the time Simon returned in jean shorts and yet another band tee - Wille thought the partially peeled-off letters had once spelled ‘Fleetwood Mac’ - walking straight toward the coffee machine on the counter.

“Want some?” he asked without looking in Wille’s direction.

“I’m good, thanks”, Wille got out, forcing his eyes away from where they’d snagged on Simon’s profile. He decidedly did not need another instance of being called out on his staring.

Simon’s reaction was a wordless shrug, then he proceeded to pull the half-full glass pot from its hot plate and pour some of the brown liquid into an orange cup. ‘Cheer up, buttercup’, the writing on it said. Wille busied himself with inspecting a rip in the green and white striped wallpaper to his left in order to keep from commenting on it. When he let his gaze trail back after a few moments, Simon was putting the lid back onto a plastic box full of what looked like sugar. Then, without sitting down first, he gave the concoction in his cup a quick stir, before gulping down at least half of it in one go. The little sigh he let out after swallowing, complete with closed eyes and his head tilted back, made the beginnings of something stir in Wille’s stomach. Something he was very much not interested in exploring at this moment, or ever really.

“Feeling better now?” he asked, mostly to distract himself from the fact that Simon was also rolling out his shoulders now, stretching his neck from left to right. The first response he got sounded suspiciously like a grunt. Then Simon finally turned around to say, “Not everyone can be fucking sunshine at six in the morning, you know.” He sounded only half annoyed, the other half being taken up by what Wille chose to count as begrudging amusement.

“You said-” Wille started, ready to repeat the same excuse from before since he couldn’t exactly tell Simon the real reason for his being here so early.

“Yeah, yeah, I know what I said”, Simon cut him off, letting out another sigh. “I was thinking early as in, like, eight. But whatever, it’s fine.”

Without giving Wille time to answer, he brought up the cup to his mouth again, tilting his head back to chug the second half of its contents. Wille didn’t think he’d ever seen someone consume their coffee this quickly before.

When he was finished, Simon didn’t waste much time in depositing the empty cup in the sink. Quicker than Wille could comprehend, he’d crossed the kitchen, stopping in the doorway to turn back and throw Wille an expectant look.

“You coming?”

Wille got up even as he was still nodding his response. His brain was too focused on ignoring the remnants of toothpaste that clung to the left corner of Simon’s lips - coffee-wet, shiny lips - to come up with a verbal answer, though it didn’t seem like Simon had expected one anyway. He simply turned again and led the way out, just like he knew Wille was gonna follow. Which, to be fair, was completely accurate.

The only luggage Simon was bringing turned out to be the same orange backpack he’d been using all week, and a small plastic bag.

“Snacks for the drive”, he explained following Wille’s questioning look. Damn. Why hadn’t he thought of that? All he’d brought was the one can of 7UP he’d left in the side door after taking the Saab for one last test drive yesterday. And his cassette tape, of course. The one he’d only just finished putting together last night after the idea had come to him very last minute. It seemed pretty useless now, though, next to Simon’s bag of supplies.

“Cool. Thanks”, he mumbled, forcing a smile onto his face. He’d just have to get some more when they stopped for gas. It wasn’t a big deal.

“So?” Only now that Simon was once again looking at him expectantly did Wille realize he’d already finished depositing his stuff in the backseat and buckling his seatbelt in the meantime. Beneath the leftover sleepiness, his eyes held a sparkle of mirth as he asked, “Ready?”

The honest answer would’ve probably been a no. But alas, there was no backing out now without letting Simon down, and also majorly embarrassing himself. And so, Wille squared his shoulders, then reached for the key in the ignition with his right hand.

“Ready.”

+++

The first half hour of their drive passed in relative silence. Partially because the caffeine still didn’t seem to have fully hit Simon, and partially because Wille was focussed enough as it was on whether any of the cars they encountered on their way out of town looked like his parents’, or whether he’d be stopped by the two police cars they passed right before merging onto the E4, pulled over and questioned about why he’d stolen his own car from his parents’ driveway to take it hundreds of kilometers away without their permission. Which a part of him knew was ridiculous. He was a fully grown adult who could make his own choices. That knowledge still didn’t stop his heartbeat from speeding up every time a vaguely familiar car zoomed past them.

Only once they’d been on the highway long enough for the exit signs to start showing places Wille had heard of but never been to could he feel himself relax a little bit, his shoulders untensing and his breathing coming out less stilted. Which was nice for about two minutes, until it gave his brain enough capacity to think about the fact that the person in his passenger seat was none other than Simon, and they’d be spending the next couple of days in close proximity. Very close, if they actually planned on sleeping in the Saab, an aspect of Simon’s plan that Wille had, in retrospect, wasted too little thought on until now. It was a rather small car, and they’d be sleeping with few clothes on given the outside temperature. That was if Simon even slept in clothes at all. Maybe he, like Wille, usually preferred sleeping in just his boxers? Or worse, what if he usually slept na–

“Can I switch the station? This song’s kinda crap.”

The question came so unexpectedly, Wille physically jumped a little bit. At the same time, as if on command, he felt heat shooting into his cheeks. How was Simon so good at catching him in his most inappropriate thoughts? It was almost like he could read minds. But that wasn’t a thing, was it?

No, Wille decided resolutely, and then he pulled himself together and pushed any thoughts of a scantily clad Simon far, far to the back of his mind.

“Sure”, he said, making it sound breezy and like he hadn’t just been about to picture his co-passenger naked. Then he watched Simon fiddle with the little knob for a good minute and a half, flipping through station after station with mostly acceptable music - at least Wille thought that ‘Can’t Fight This Feeling’ was a banger. And who didn’t love ‘Got My Mind Set On You’?! - before he flopped back in his seat with a barely suppressed sigh.

“Nothing you like?”

Simon’s gaze flickered up at that, eyes meeting Wille’s for a brief moment before they moved to face the windshield.

“It’s okay”, he mumbled, and Wille wasn’t sure whether he meant the current song, or the fact that he hadn’t found a better one. Nevertheless, he felt a twinge in his chest. He didn’t want Simon to be disappointed this early on into their road trip, even if he had no way of saying what exactly Simon minded about the music. He’d gone through some pretty classic stuff, really. There’d even been a Fleetwood Mac song in there, Wille was pretty sure. ‘You Make Loving Fun’ was Fleetwood Mac, right? So what was it that Simon could’ve possibly been after?

The silence that had been reestablished between them was starting to feel oppressive, and Wille might just have broken his brain trying to come up with a good conversation starter if Simon hadn’t rescued both of them by asking, “So what did your dad say when you showed him the car?”

“Oh. He uh, thought we did a good job.”

Yet again, Wille hoped that the heat he felt gnawing at the back of his ears wouldn’t show too much in his face. He didn’t like to lie, and this felt like one. In reality, he hadn’t shown his dad the car at all. The only time either of them had addressed it had been during dinner the night before, when his dad had cleared his throat after a bite of chicken to say, “So I see you’ve got the Saab up and running now”, and Wille had felt too guilty about his plans of skipping out on his birthday to respond with more than a non-committal hum.

“Cool.”

It was pure luck that made Wille look over at just the right moment to spot the grimace Simon pulled at his own choice of words. One second later, and there would’ve been no trace of embarrassment left on Simon’s face.

“Kind of impressive that he was right about everything without even looking at the car much”, he was saying now, tone perfectly unbothered. “I guess he’s done this for a few years, huh?”

“You could say that”, Wille agreed, and then, because he could already sense the conversation fizzling out again, he added, “What do your parents do?”

The pause that preceded Simon’s answer was brief enough for Wille to wonder if he’d imagined it.

“My mum’s a nurse”, he then said. “She’s on morning shift today, so that’s why she wasn’t home. Good thing, too. She probably wouldn’t have appreciated being dragged out of bed at six in the freaking morning on her day off.”

“Hey”, Wille protested, spurred on by the barely hidden undertone of amusement in Simon’s voice. “You realize I had to get up even earlier to do that, right?”

“I don’t remember asking you to show up at my house at the asscrack of dawn.”

It was obvious now that Simon was teasing him, the smirk on his lips filling Wille’s chest with a sense of reward almost as much as it made his heart stutter on its next few beats.

“It’s June, Simon”, he countered, feeling a rush of giddiness as his lips wrapped around the syllables. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t really addressed Simon by name that often, but somehow using it now felt easy, almost like it would with a proper friend. “The sun’s been up since, like, two. And besides, aren’t you glad we have more of a time buffer now?”

The eye roll Simon gave him in response looked fond enough to send Wille’s heart rate spiking yet again. Which wasn’t good at all. He really needed to stop letting all these small things affect him so much.

“I’ll take that as agreement”, he said, trying to shift his attention onto the fact that he could do this kind of thing now, and not have to worry about Simon getting pissed off by it. Maybe they really were becoming friends.

Friends, Wille silently repeated to himself. That was all they were gonna be. All that he wanted them to be. With a renewed sense of determination, he pressed down his right foot a bit harder to speed past a series of cars in the right line.

+++

“What’s this?”

Wille felt his stomach drop a little lower when he directed his gaze off the road for a moment to find both an open glove compartment and Simon holding up a cassette tape. And not just any cassette tape, but the very one that Wille had specifically created for this trip and decided rather quickly he’d never ever bring up. The fact that Simon had since switched radio stations twice more, and looked unhappy with the results both times, only confirmed that it had been the right decision. If he had a problem with the mainstream radio stuff, there was a good chance he was gonna hate Wille’s tape, filled with popular songs as it was.

“‘Wille’s Highway Hits’”, he was reading out loud now, lifting a single brow as he shifted his focus onto Wille. “Did you make this?”

“I did.” The lump of embarrassment in Wille’s throat made it hard to say more, so he chose to focus very hard on the road ahead. He’d been silly to think that making a mixtape that combined his and Simon’s respective passions was a good idea. If Simon was gonna make fun of him now, it really was his own fault.

“What’s on it?”

There was a lilt to Simon’s question that made Wille’s spiraling temporarily screech to a halt. He sounded… curious. Maybe even excited, in that cautious way that seemed to be second nature to him.

“I, uh”, Wille started to reply, his voice coming out so cracked he decided to stop and try to swallow down as much of the lump as would go.

“It’s a bunch of songs from different movies”, he then said, relieved to notice that he sounded considerably more casual now. “You know, like ‘Ghostbusters’, ‘Back To The Future’, that type of thing.”

“Sounds fun.” There was a short pause in which Wille half-expected Simon to drop the topic again, which, honestly, part of him was hoping for. Instead, though, Simon surprised him by asking, “You wanna put it on?”

He made it sound like a casual suggestion, easy and fun rather than the thing that could rob Wille of the last little bit of dignity he still held in Simon’s eyes. But really, how much did he have left to lose at this point?

“Sure.”

Simon was quiet during the first song, Huey Lewis & The News’s ponderings on the power of love washing over both of them undisturbed. There was no way of telling whether he was enjoying it at all. Or well, there might’ve been, if Wille hadn’t sworn to himself not to take his eyes off the road at the risk of finding Simon pulling a grimace, or worse, trying to hide how much he hated this.

Sometime around the third chorus, he couldn’t take the uncertainty anymore, casting a brief glance toward the passenger seat. Simon was looking out his window, chin propped up in his hand with his elbow resting along the side of the door. He wasn’t outright reacting to the music, except for the tiniest movement of his head that might’ve just been involuntary.

Okay, this wasn’t as bad as Wille had feared. Maybe Simon was just more of a passive listener. At that moment, Simon seemed to notice him looking and turned his head to send a small smile his way. Which was cool. Simon had just smiled at him, unprompted and completely unexpected. No big deal.

With an enormous amount of determination, Wille pulled his eyes away and back onto the road in front of them. There was no use fighting against the smile he felt pulling on his own lips. This wasn’t so bad. They were driving, the sun was out, and Simon had just smiled at him. All in all, enough reasons for Wille to abandon his caution and start bopping his head along to the song’s melody.

The next time he risked a glance at the passenger seat, Simon was doing the same. Again, his eyes briefly found Wille’s during the chorus of ‘Never Ending Story’ and the corners of his mouth twitched in what felt like a conspiratory smirk. By the time the ‘Ghostbusters’ theme came on, he seemed to have abandoned his usual nonchalance, leaning in a little, face pulled into a mock-serious expression to say the infamous “Who you gonna call?” in Wille’s direction. Still not quite believing his luck, Wille chanted back, “Ghostbusters!”. He didn’t even care a little bit about the snort of laughter that slipped out of Simon’s mouth in response. Or rather, he cared a lot. He just chose to focus on the fact that he’d made Simon laugh.

They continued going back and forth for the rest of the song, along with increasingly goofy grimaces. When the first few beats of ‘Maniac’ came up next, Simon’s face lit up another shade brighter. He was fully grinning now, shoulders shaking a little from how he moved his head side to side to the beat. And then, to Wille’s utter surprise, he started singing along.

“Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night”, his voice floated quietly over the track, and Wille felt his grip on the wheel tighten. Because good god, Simon had a beautiful voice. It was warm and smooth even at such a low volume, and probably about twenty other things that Wille as a total amateur couldn’t even begin to find words for. What he did know was that the sound seeped into his chest and spread into all corners of it, leaving a sheer overwhelming fuzziness around his heart.

It was all that he could do not to completely abandon the road in front of them to outright gape at Simon. That surely would’ve won him another reminder on how he had a staring problem, not to mention the imminent danger of crashing the car into a highway post. So by channeling some kind of superhuman strength, Wille managed to keep his jaw closed and his gaze straight ahead. This was fine. Sure, Simon had a nice voice. Sure, it was making Wille’s knees feel oddly wobbly even while sitting down. But that was just the element of surprise. Besides, other people had nice voices, too. Like… Whitney Houston. Or George Michael. Or… or… For fuck’s sake, it shouldn’t be this hard thinking of other pretty voices in the face of Simon’s.

“Did you like the film?” he finally asked, if only to get Simon to stop singing for long enough to collect his thoughts a little. Thankfully, Simon did him that favor. When Wille glanced over at him, his lips were pursed thoughtfully.

“I liked the dancing”, he finally said, giving a shrug that looked almost forcefully casual. “She could’ve gotten there without the guy, though.”

“You mean the main guy?” Wille felt his eyebrows lifting without even wanting them to.

“Yeah”, Simon insisted, this time sounding somewhat defiant.

“But he supported her. He’s the one who got her the audition.”

“Yeah, without her permission. So really, he’s the reason she almost doesn’t go to the audition. And now he gets to feel like some kind of hero when she did the hard part. She danced well enough to get in. But no, the love story is soooo much more important than that.”

On his last few words, Simon had crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back in his seat looking more indignant than Wille had ever seen anyone about something as simple as a movie.

“I liked the love story”, Wille said nevertheless, because anything else would’ve been a lie.

“Of course you did”, Simon said, and Wille felt a twinge in his chest at the harsh tone. It must’ve shown in his expression, because a moment later, Simon’s entire posture softened, arms opening and hands dropping into his lap. It made him look more resigned than angry.

“I just mean… everyone likes the love story. And that’s cool, fine, good for them. I just think it’d be a better story without it.”

“Mhmm.” Wille didn’t really know what to say to that beyond a contemplative hum. Maybe Simon had an actual point? But wasn’t the love story the thing that drove most films? Lots of movie plots would never happen if it wasn’t for the element of love in them.

“I did like the dancing, too”, he finally offered, for lack of a better thing to say. The small smile Simon sent him didn’t fully reach his eyes.

“Yeah, it was good.”

With that, Simon was back to staring out the window. Great. Now Wille had ruined the mood, and all because he couldn’t cope with hearing a beautiful voice the way normal people did.

He couldn’t really appreciate the next handful of songs, as much as he usually liked the ‘Goonies’ soundtrack, and even more so ‘Hungry Eyes’. He was much too focused on how the silence between them had started to feel awkward again, and every time he chanced a glance at Simon, he looked more uncomfortable than the last time. It was almost a relief, therefore, when somewhere in the middle of ‘Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car’, Simon spoke up to ask, “Can we pull over at the next gas station? I really need to pee.”

Once they’d both used the single bathroom in its questionable state and taken a short stroll through the gas station store, which left Wille with an armful of 7UP and some BBQ flavored chips, they met back at the car. To Wille’s relief, Simon was back to looking a little more upbeat again. The reason became obvious fairly quickly, given how he waved a cassette tape in Wille’s face pretty much the second he got there.

“I got us some more variety”, he announced, and the way his grin finally involved all parts of his face again was a great cure for the twinge of disappointment Wille felt at first. If Simon would be happier with these songs, he’d gladly sacrifice listening to his own tape.

“What is it?” he asked, receiving a jovial shrug.

“Songs to play in the car. It sounded fun, so I got it.”

Though that did not sound at all like the cautious, somewhat particular Simon he’d gotten to know so far, Wille figured it was just as well, as long as he was this upbeat about it. Honestly, Wille could’ve probably listened to death metal the entire way to Stockholm if it meant the mood between them could go back to being easy and playful.

“Cool. Let’s hear it then.”

Wille’s enthusiasm lasted for about as long as it took for the first power ballad to fill the car. Oh no. He’d not been prepared for cheesy romance with lots of innuendo. Especially not with Simon, the unfairly attractive boy with the unfairly pretty smile he was trying very, very hard not to crush on, sitting barely half a meter away from him. Maybe it’d be just a one-off, and the rest of the cassette would be fun, upbeat tracks about summer and highways and loving life. God, please let that be it.

By the time the fourth ballad turned into a fifth one, even Wille’s pretty much unbreakable optimism had to admit defeat. How was this the type of music Simon had picked out? It almost felt like a prank designed by the universe, purely to make Wille’s life as miserable and pathetic as possible. He decidedly did not want to be ‘bold and naked’ at Simon’s side, thank you very much. And thinking about the notion of finding all he’d ever wanted in Simon’s eyes was about as helpful as water to an oil fire.

By the time ‘Sexual Healing’ started playing, he couldn’t take it anymore, turning to Simon, who was looking straight ahead with a stony-faced expression.

“What did you say this tape was again?” Wille asked, trying his best to not sound as desperate or pathetically pained as he’d been feeling for the past twenty minutes.

Simon’s answer of, “Car songs”, came out oddly forced. Only now did Wille allow himself to study his face a bit more. Upon closer examination, Simon’s features didn’t look quite as bleak anymore. Actually, it looked a lot like he was struggling to refrain from hiding his face in his hands.

On a whim, Wille reached into the middle console to pull out the empty cassette case, holding it up in front of his eyes to read the title that was printed fairly small on one of the sunset stripes above the comic style car on the cover.

“Simon”, he said once his brain had registered the meaning of what his eyes were seeing. Suddenly, he felt more like laughing than crying, which he guessed was an improvement. “This says it’s called ‘Backseat Blues’.”

This time, Simon’s reply sounded even less convincingly composed, and more like he, too, was actively dying inside and trying to hide it. “Does it?”

“Pretty sure it does.”

There was about three seconds of silence following that discovery, filled with the sounds of Marvin Gaye singing, “I’m hot just like an oven, I need some lovin’” until Wille was the first to crack. There was no stopping the waves of giggles pouring out of him, hard enough to cause the car to swerve the tiniest bit. Somewhere in the middle of it, he heard a second voice join him, another warm, boyish laugh mixing in with his own. Head turning to his right, he found Simon doubled over in his seat, arms wrapped around his chest, shoulders shaking with laughter.

“This is- so- stupid”, he got out between bouts of laughter, and Wille had a vague feeling it was supposed to sound annoyed, which it didn’t whatsoever.

“I know”, Wille wheezed back. “How was this- the one- you grabbed?”

“Fuck if I know.”

Slowly but surely, they were both calming down again. Widely grinning still, Wille risked another glance over to the passenger seat.

“So you didn’t pick a compilation of make-out songs on purpose then, huh?”

If he wasn’t completely delusional, Simon’s cheeks went a tiny bit pink at that.

“No”, he said decidedly. “Definitely not.”

Okay. He didn’t need to drive that point home that vehemently. In order to not let his very inappropriate sense of disappointment show, Wille shook his head again, adding a quiet chuckle.

“Alright then, Mr. ‘Car Songs’. Let’s stick to the radio from now on?”

“Please”, Simon said, and the little giggle that slipped out at the end of it was almost enough to make Wille forget about all the reasons why it was absolutely not good that he didn’t mind the thought of making out with Simon in the backseat one single bit. Almost.

+++

“Are you real?”

“That’s kind of a loaded question. I would say so, yes.”

“Are you alive?”

“Define alive.”

“Oh my God, you’re awful at this!”

The broad grin Simon said this with made it clear that he was quite enjoying Wille’s awful ‘20 Questions’ skills. They’d started playing a while ago after Simon had declared his boredom. So far, Wille had correctly identified Dolly Parton and - to his embarrassment - miserably failed to guess Björn Borg. Simon, in turn, had looked at Wille like he was speaking a foreign language when Wille had revealed his middle-aged famous guy who was known for movies but had never played in one to be Lasse Hallström. Wille had therefore decided to go easier on him this time around, although so far, that seemed to be to no real avail.

“Are you sure you don’t just suck at asking the right questions?”

Simon sent a rather unconvincing glare his way. “Pretty sure you just suck at answering them.” Then, after a moment of thought, he asked, “Are you a fictional character?”

“Yes!” Wille answered, probably way too excitedly given that Simon had just taken a huge step toward winning.

“What the heck, Wille. You said you were real!”

“Well, I’m played by a real person.”

“That’s so not the same.”

“You should’ve asked a better question then.”

Simon acknowledged his remark with only an eye roll this time. “Are you part of a movie?” he then asked as if Wille hadn’t said anything.

“Yes.”

“Are you male?”

“No.”

The questions went on for another few minutes until Simon correctly guessed Princess Leia on question nineteen.

“Not bad!” he assessed once he’d gotten confirmation. “Thanks for choosing somebody a normal person would actually know.”

“Normal people know Lasse Hallström!” Wille argued, though most of his conviction went under in the giant grin that seemed to have established itself on his face for the foreseeable future.

“Maybe film nerds like you.”

“I’m not a nerd.”

“Are, too.”

This time it was Wille who rolled his eyes. Then he focused back onto the road, grin still playing on his lips without him being able to help it.

“You know that’s cool, though, right?” Simon surprised him by asking, and though the question sounded casual, there was a hint of insecurity to it that caused Wille to look back over at him. “The whole film thing”, he was saying at that moment, “I think it’s cool that you know so much about, like, famous directors and stuff. Even if it definitely makes you a nerd.”

Wille found himself laughing at the last part, mostly because he had no idea how to react to the first part. Simon thought he was cool? That was not something he’d ever expected to hear. Unfortunately, his pathetic little gay heart had also not expected it, as was proven by the way it instantly picked up speed.

“You probably know a lot about music, too, right?” he said as a means of distracting himself. “Like, who wrote what and what bands are feuding and stuff like that?”

“I try to stay more on the music side of it, actually. Not a big fan of gossip.” Simon gave a small shrug. “But yeah. I do try to read up on, like, producers and who works with who and all that. It’s such a fascinating industry.”

“That’s really cool. Do you know who worked on this song?”

In favor of making it a little easier on Simon, he turned up the volume on the radio that was currently playing Madonna’s ‘Open Your Heart’. Simon remained quiet for a moment, then he let out a thoughtful hum.

“I don’t know for sure, but it’s off the album ‘True Blue’, so at that point she probably would’ve been working with Patrick Leonard.”

Wille couldn’t help it, his excitement just blurted out of him. “That’s so cool! I’m gonna ask you that on every song now.”

“Please don’t”, Simon said, although he didn’t sound all that horrified by the idea.

“Why? It’s kind of a superpower. You can’t just keep that hidden.”

“Well, I’ve already got someone new, so… How about you put that enthusiasm of yours into asking me some game questions?” Simon suggested, and the hint of fondness in his smile was enough for Wille to readily comply with whatever he wanted.

Twenty minutes and another failed attempt on Wille’s side later (“I can’t believe you don’t know who Ringo Starr is. It’s the Beatles!” - “Well, they’re old, okay? And he was, like, not that important.” - “Oh my God. There’s so many people who would kill you for saying that.” - “Are you one of them?” - “No. Lucky for you I need you alive to get me to Stockholm.”), they were seeing the first signs pointing toward Sundsvall. Coincidentally, Wille was also starting to get a bit tired, not to mention that he’d been hungry for the past hour or so already, despite the chips, two chocolate bars, and a bag of Tutti Frutti he’d split with Simon.

“Should we maybe look for a place to eat soon?” he suggested, and then, remembering the last instance of him asking Simon to go somewhere for lunch, added, “There’s bound to be a Max somewhere around here. My treat.”

“You don’t need to do that”, Simon said, but to Wille’s relief, he didn’t sound annoyed or offended. Maybe that was what gave him the courage to push further.

“I want to, though. Every good road trip needs fast food. And if you want, you can buy me a burger when we’re back home and you’ve gotten your paycheck.”

Simon didn’t say anything in return for long enough for Wille to start worrying whether he’d overstepped. Whether that was by insisting on paying for Simon’s lunch or by bringing up the prospect of them hanging out again after this trip, he wasn’t sure. But then, Simon saved him from the beginnings of another worry spiral by saying, “Okay. Deal.”

It sounded a bit like he was agreeing to go to war, but Wille would take it.

“Cool. Let’s look out for signs then.”

+++

“You were right”, Simon declared about halfway into devouring his chicken burger with fries. “Fast food is a definite road trip essential.”

Wille was too deep into chewing on the giant bite he’d taken of his cheese burger to do more than hum his agreement. Six hours of driving without proper food was seriously too much.

“How much longer do you think you can go until we need to look for a place to park the car overnight?” Simon asked, taking a sip of his coke through the plastic straw while he waited for Wille’s answer. Which would’ve come earlier, probably, if Wille hadn’t kind of banished that whole aspect of their trip from his mind until now. The prospect of sleeping in the same, narrow car as Simon, now that it was about to become reality, felt more daunting than he’d expected. What if it was going to heat up overnight and he’d sweat all over Simon? Or worse, what if his sleeping body was gonna react to Simon being that close to him? He could control his thoughts and impulses while he was conscious, but asleep…

“You’re still okay with sleeping in the car, right?” Simon asked, making Wille realize that he’d taken far too long to answer. He sounded worried, though it would’ve been hard to detect for anyone who didn’t know Simon’s mannerisms.

“I am”, Wille hurried to say, but then had to backtrack a little bit. “Or, I mean. What if we were to look for, like, a cheap motel somewhere?”

Simon looked skeptical enough for him to immediately add, “I can cover the costs, of course. Since I’m the one who’d rather sleep in a bed.”

“I don’t want you to pay everything for me”, Simon said, and for a moment, he looked downright torn. Wille took that as his opening to offer, “You can also pay me back, if you want. I’m fine either way. And wouldn’t it be better for you to be well rested for your audition tomorrow?”

For once, the emotions battling inside Simon’s chest were plainly visible on his face. In the end, the desire for a good night’s sleep seemed to win out.

“Okay. But we’re sharing a room and I’ll pay you back my half once I can.”

“Sounds fair.”

More than a little pleased with himself, Wille returned his focus to his burger. Thank goodness he’d been able to avoid potential disaster this time.

+++

It was a little over three hours later when Wille realized that he hadn’t avoided shit. Instead, he’d paid way more than he’d have thought possible for the only vacant room at a little bed and breakfast at the outskirts of Sundsvall, only to find himself with a new dilemma. The only available room, it turned out, was designed as somewhat of a low-budget honeymoon suite. Which not only meant way too much red velvet and an overpowering stench of overly sweet perfume, but also, most problematically, a single, heart-shaped bed for them to sleep in. In other words, it was the exact opposite of what Wille had set out to do.

Judging by how quiet Simon had gone since they’d unlocked the room to make this discovery, he, too, wasn’t exactly thrilled by this development. Wille was more grateful than anything when he asked barely a minute after depositing their measly luggage, “You’re probably pretty tired, huh?”

“Yeah”, Wille readily agreed, glad to be handed an excuse to cut the rest of the evening short. Besides, it wasn’t even a lie. Nine hours of driving had taken a lot out of him, and the thought of getting up early again tomorrow morning for the final stretch didn’t exactly make him feel less tired.

“You go and get some sleep, then”, Simon told him with a small, elusive smile. “I need to move my legs a bit. Get some fresh air.”

Quicker than Wille could wrap his head around this, he’d already pulled a purple hoodie out of his backpack to put on over his t-shirt and was headed for the door.

“Night, Wille. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night”, Wille called after him, a bit delayed.

Okay. This was good. Now he didn’t have to worry about navigating the awkwardness of sharing a honeymoon suite with someone who wasn’t the least bit attracted to him. Especially since at this point, it was basically impossible to deny that he himself was more than a little attracted to Simon. Which was a whole new problem for a different day. As for now, Wille popped into the small, adjacent bathroom for a quick, perfunctory shower, and then got ready for bed.

He was cuddled way deep into the red satin bedding by the time his half-asleep brain registered Simon returning to slip onto the mattress next to him. Wille could feel him lift the - single - blanket to wiggle his way under it, stopping far enough from him to where he couldn’t feel the heat of another body. Good, he thought meekly before drifting off again. I’ll just pretend like nobody else is even here and it’ll all be fine. He couldn’t possibly have known how wrong he was.

Chapter Text

Wille wasn’t sure what woke him up the next morning, before the alarm he’d set the night before had even had the chance to go off - the cold breeze on the left side of his body, or the sticky heat on the right side. Either way, it took his sleepy brain a while to put the clues together as to where he was, and why. Then the memory of kitschy wall decor and red satin sheets flashed before his closed eyes and he snapped them open.

It was dim inside the room, though the sliver of daylight peeking through the side of the long curtains told him that it was at least early morning. He couldn’t really see much else of the room, even once his eyes adjusted to the twilight. The reason for this was the mountain of dark curls right under his nose taking up the entire left side of his vision field. They tickled his nostrils on his next inhale, making for yet another contender as to what could’ve woken Wille up. That became entirely unimportant, however, when realization finally hit him.

Over the course of last night, Simon must’ve not only stolen the entire blanket to wrap around only himself, he also must’ve migrated entirely into Wille’s space: His arm lay slung loosely across Wille’s stomach, his head rested in the space between Wille’s left shoulder and his chin, and as if that wasn’t enough, his entire front was pressed into the side of Wille’s body. Which explained both the sweat Wille could feel pooling along his ribs and the fact that his right foot felt a bit like an icicle, the air from the ceiling fan hitting his toes relentlessly.

The thrill of realization was chased immediately by the worry of how to proceed now. Clearly, staying like this would be violating Simon’s conscious will and his personal space. At the same time, though, trying to wriggle out from beneath Simon’s arm would increase the likeliness of him waking up while still entirely cuddled up to Wille. Oh god, Simon was cuddling him. Simon’s lips were less than an inch away from Wille’s neck, his warm breath fanning out across the skin there with every slow exhale. The inside of his thigh pressed against Wille’s hip bone where he’d slung his leg over Wille’s, and just a few inches further up, his-

Yeah, no. Wille needed to get the fuck out of this situation before he could start perceiving things, like the shapes of certain body parts against his hip. Body parts that were definitely not in their softest state.

In his haste to get away, Wille might not have moved carefully enough. He’d barely made it twenty centimeters on the mattress when he felt Simon stir, his next breath breaking off midway.

“What the-” Wille heard him mumble, and this, if anything, would’ve been the moment for him to scoot further out of Simon’s grasp. Except his entire body had decided to freeze, abs quivering beneath where Simon’s hand had slipped onto his t-shirt from the effort of holding himself up in this awkward, mid-movement pose. Thankfully, Simon had no such problem. As soon as realization dawned on him, he sat up and pulled his hand away.

“Fuck, sorry. I didn’t-”

“It’s okay.” At least Wille’s mouth still seemed to be working. And now that Simon had broken their last point of contact, it also became possible to move again. Sitting up himself, Wille briefly rolled out his shoulders, then he risked throwing a look at Simon. It was hard to tell in this light whether he was blushing, but the way his hands came up to cover the lower half of his face made it easy to assume that he was more than a little embarrassed. The groan he let out was only partially muffled by his palms.

“Really, it’s fine”, Wille repeated, which at least got Simon to drop his hands into his lap. Or rather, onto the mountain of blanket he’d very conveniently stacked there.

“Did I totally crush you?” he asked, eyes meeting Wille’s for the first time since he’d woken up.

“Don’t worry. It’d take more than one of you to break me.”

There was a stretch of silence following Wille’s words, in which he realized with horror what his sleep-muddled brain had just made him say. Way to make an already awkward situation just that much worse.

“I just- That’s not-” Jesus fucking christ, Wille, pull yourself together. “Because you’re not that heavy. That’s what I meant.”

Simon remained silent for another, seemingly endless moment. Then, to Wille’s astonishment, his lips started quivering until a burst of laughter broke out of him. It just came spluttering out, so loudly in the otherwise quiet room that it nearly startled Wille. And not just a little bit of laughter. Simon was full-on shaking with it, giggle after giggle rippling through him as he tried to muffle the sounds by pressing his fist to his mouth.

“I- This is-” he tried saying in between bouts of it. “This room and- And the bed and- Then you’re- I can’t- This is- it’s ridiculous!”

Slowly but surely, Wille felt laughter bubble up inside his own chest. It fucking was ridiculous. Here he was just trying to get Simon to his audition without internally combusting from how incredibly attracted he felt to him, and what was the universe handing him? A tape full of make-out songs, a freaking honeymoon suite and Simon nearly dry-humping him in his sleep.

“Fuck this”, he got out through his own fit of laughter.

“Big time”, Simon responded, sounding just as unserious about the sentiment as Wille had. His giggles had finally subsided a little. He ran a hand over his face, huffing out another chuckle before he tilted his head back up to meet Wille’s eyes.

“What time is it, anyway?”

That was a good question, actually. All that Wille knew was that the electric clock on his nightstand hadn’t beeped with its 7 o’clock alarm yet. Turning to check, he declared, “It’s almost six. So, technically, we could sleep another hour.”

Simon hummed, one of those hums that Wille had a hard time reading. Following a spontaneous instinct, he offered, “Or we could get an early start if you want?”

“I’d like that, yeah”, Simon said. He sounded so suddenly timid that for the first time since they’d left, Wille realized something. To him, this might’ve been a fun trip, but to Simon, it was what would decide his future. And though he was fairly skilled at hiding it, it suddenly seemed so clear to Wille that he was nervous.

Would he get annoyed, though, if Wille were to ask him about it? That was the main question on Wille’s mind while they took turns using the bathroom to get ready, then packed up their minimal luggage to take to the car. Without speaking about it again, they opted for the radio.

Unlike during the latter part of yesterday’s drive, Simon wasn’t really responding to any of Wille’s attempts at starting a conversation today. He’d reverted back into himself even on a physical level, arms slung around his middle as he sat slumped with his head against the window. Which, as Wille noted mentally, went right along with his ‘nervous’ theory. About thirty minutes into their drive, Wille couldn’t take it anymore. Even if Simon was gonna snap at him, it’d be better than this oppressive silence. So once the moderation part between songs came on next, he reached out to turn down the volume a bit.

“So how are you feeling about your audition?”

Simon’s eyes fell onto him for only a brief moment, then he went back to looking out the window.

“Fine.”

Okay. So he wasn’t gonna make this easy. At this point, Wille would’ve been surprised if it had been any other way.

“What song are you gonna sing?” he asked, deciding to stay on the factual side of things for now.

He heard Simon shift in his seat a little, then, “‘True Colors’.”

“By Cindy Lauper?”

“Yup.”

“You like Cindy Lauper then?” At this point, Wille was more grasping at straws than anything. He was even more surprised, therefore, when Simon responded with more than a two word answer.

“Yeah. And I like that it’s a song about friendship. Not like most of the stuff out there.”

“How do you mean?”

Glancing over, he saw Simon biting his lip, obviously in the midst of an inner battle. One side seemed to win after a moment, as he gave up his grip around his own waist and shifted to face Wille, bringing up his right foot to tuck under himself.

“I mean, all that anyone ever wants to sing about is love. Isn’t that so dumb?”

Wille pondered the question for a moment, pulling his lips between his teeth before he released them again with a slight plop.

“I guess love is just an important part of life.”

“Maybe, but so is friendship. Or anger. Or politics. How come love gets all the attention?”

“You want people to sing about politics?”

Simon threw him a slight eye roll at the amusement in his voice.

“I just think people build up love to be this big deal everyone is supposed to be obsessed about, when all it does is make people do stupid things.”

“Okay”, Wille said a bit unsurely, letting Simon’s words fully sink in. What stupid things was he talking about? Had Simon done them? Had he been in love before? The temptation to ask was almost overpowering. But it really wasn’t any of Wille’s business, was it? And what good would it do him to hear about Simon’s love life, when he’d never be a part of it anyway.

“Love can also make people do wonderful things”, he finally said, because it was true and he felt like love deserved to be defended a bit.

“Like what? Get married and have some kids they can mess up by fighting all the time?”

“My parents don’t do that”, Wille pointed out, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them fight actually.”

“Well, you’re lucky then.” For a moment, there was something soft about Simon’s expression. The moment Wille saw it, though, his features were already starting to harden again. “That doesn’t change the fact that most people who fall in love ultimately just end up hating each other. So I don’t get why all these films and songs have to act like love is the bee’s knees.”

Neither of them said anything for a while after that, Wille’s brain racing trying to piece together this new information. Simon hated love songs? Maybe even love itself? Somehow, that thought was hard to reconcile with the boy from yesterday, whose eyes had sparkled like stars while he’d sung along to a song he liked. Or the one from this morning, full of mirth and silly laughter about stupid innuendos and rooms with heart-shaped beds.

With every second of quiet between them, Wille could feel Simon threatening to slip away again. It was mostly out of desperation over that fact that he finally, after a good fifteen seconds of silence, blurted out, “You’ve gotta admit they’re catchy, though.”

“What?”

When Simon met his gaze, it looked a lot like his thoughts had just been somewhere entirely else.

“The love songs”, Wille prompted. “They’re fun to sing along to, even if you don’t believe in them. Like this one.”

Sending a silent thank you to whoever had made it so the radio was back to playing a love song right this moment, Wille reached for the knob to turn the volume up again.

“Look in my eyes”, the female singer was crooning right at that moment, and on a whim, Wille joined in.

“See my love burning strong. No more goodbyes. In your arms I belong.”

Simon had drawn up an eyebrow when Wille looked over at him, but to his relief, he looked more disbelieving than annoyed.

“Our time has come”, Wille continued, lips pulling into a grin of their own accord. “Come on, it’s fun.”

He felt a warm tingle shooting up his spine when he spotted the quiver of Simon’s lips.

“Two hearts as one. Loving me, loving youuuuuuu.”

“Stop it”, Simon was saying, but he didn’t look at all like he actually meant it.

“Come on”, Wille repeated, wiggling his eyebrows, which earned him a snort from Simon. “You know you want to.”

“I really don-” Simon started but was interrupted by Wille, who, raising the dramatics by about ten levels, started clutching his fist to his chest to croon loudly, and probably wrongly, “Need you by my side, there’s no need to hide.”

Simon was giggling now, the sound only spurring Wille on. He made a show of batting his eyelashes at Simon as he sang to him, “Never be denied everlasting love!”

Again, Simon’s lower lip was pulled in by his front teeth for a moment as he studied Wille, still looking mostly incredulous. And then, giving his head one last shake, he started singing.

“From the very start, open up your heart. Be a lasting part of everlasting love.”

Wille couldn’t help it, his own voice died away at the sound of Simon’s. Because fuck, he sounded even more beautiful when he actually used the full extent of it. And the way he was beaming at Wille - holy shit, that was not what he’d expected at all, and he wasn’t sure his pathetic little heart would ever be able to get over the sight ever again.

Scrambling to collect himself at least partially, Wille joined in again once the chorus started repeating. This was fine. He was fine singing a love song to Simon, and having him sing it back. He was fine with the sparkle in Simon’s eyes, and the radiant glow his whole face had taken on. Fine with the way butterflies had taken over his own stomach, and his heart pitter-pattered like crazy inside his chest. And definitely fine with the realization that, fuck. This was so much more than a crush.

Wille didn’t know if the song lasted too long or not long enough, but either way it had to end at some point. The thing that stayed, though, was the brilliant grin on Simon’s face that seemed to grow even brighter when Wille’s eyes met his.

“Thanks”, he said, voice a little hoarse until he subtly cleared his throat. “I really needed that.”

“Anytime”, Wille replied without a second thought. One half of him was disappointed that that single word didn’t even come close to conveying how much he wanted to be the person to make Simon smile all the time. The other half was relieved. Because Simon didn’t like him like that just because he’d smiled at him a couple times. Hadn’t he just said that love was overrated? That wasn’t something you said to someone you had feelings for.

No. Simon definitely saw him as a friend, if that. And Wille? Wille was fucked. Big time. But at least he’d get to be fucked in Simon’s presence for one more day. If that was all he would get, he’d take it.

+++

As much as Wille would’ve loved to be in the room for Simon’s audition, it was probably a good thing that Simon had asked him to wait outside by the car instead. Apparently, audition slots were fairly narrow, so he’d be gone for only half an hour, forty-five minutes tops. For an insane minute, Wille debated with himself about getting Simon celebratory flowers in the meantime. Maybe even red roses, like in ‘Flashdance’? But then reality settled back in and he realized that not only would that not have been a very friend thing to do, he also doubted that Simon would even be told right away whether he’d gotten in. Plus, he reminded himself, Simon had hated that love story, too.

So instead, he ended up getting them some new drinks - Coke for Simon, 7UP for himself - from the Pressbyrån up the street. He’d been back by the car for a good twenty minutes by the time he spotted Simon turn the corner into their little side street. Unlike Alex in the movie, he didn’t start running the moment he saw Wille to be scooped up in his arms and lifted into the air. Wille tried to distract himself from the disappointment stirring deep in his gut by focussing on how Simon’s face lit up with a small smile at the sight of him.

“How was it?” he asked before Simon had even fully reached the car.

“It was okay, I think. They didn’t look like they hated it, at least.”

He looked uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden. Maybe that was why Wille instantly protested, “Of course they didn’t hate it. I mean, have you heard yourself sing? I bet you sounded wonderful.”

Simon’s eyes widened a bit, then he directed his gaze toward the ground and huffed out a laugh that didn’t really sound convincing.

“Yeah, right. Thanks, I guess.”

“I mean it”, Wille insisted, to which Simon’s head snapped up again, eyes locking in on Wille’s with such a sudden intensity, it made every thought inside his head still.

“Thanks, Wille.”

“You’re welcome”, Wille got out through a suddenly dry throat. Simon’s focus remained on him for what felt both like a small eternity and no time at all. Then, he looked away again, leaving Wille to subtly clear his throat.

“So, umm. Where to now?” he asked after a moment of silence, mostly just to say anything. “Do you wanna turn right around?”

“Maybe we could drop by a friend’s football game first? I told her we were coming and she insisted I watch her play.”

Oh. That was about the last thing Wille had expected. Did that mean Simon wanted him to meet his friends? Or was he just keeping a promise to his football player friend?

“Oh”, he said out loud, because apparently his brain wasn’t capable of processing anything Simon related like a normal person anymore.

“It’s like a forty minute drive from here”, Simon said, sounding less sure in the face of Wille’s odd reaction. “So I get if it’s too much. You probably wanna get on the road back home.”

“No. No, it’s not too much.” Thankfully, Wille’s brain had started functioning again. Simon was letting him in on a new part of himself. His life before he’d moved to Luleå. What was Wille doing hesitating?

“Are you sure?” Simon eyed him warily. There was enough concern in his expression for Wille’s heart to melt instantly inside his chest.

“Yeah”, he said, a little more decidedly. “Let’s go watch your friend’s game.”

+++

The game was already in progress by the time they made it to the Ekerö football field. They were welcomed at the side of the field by a young guy with a ponytail and a thin mustache lining his upper lip. He was grinning widely at them even before they’d made it into hearing distance.

“Hey, Simme! You made it!” he called out once they were only a couple steps away, pulling Simon into a one-armed hug as soon as he could.

“And who’s this?” he wanted to know once Simon had returned the hug by patting his back twice, turning to Wille with curiously lifted brows.

“Wille, this is Ayub”, Simon jumped in before Wille had so much as opened his mouth. “And this is Wille. He’s my ride from Luleå.”

Wille barely registered Ayub’s, “Shit, man. That’s far.” over the pang of disappointment mixed with embarrassment in his stomach. Of course that was all he was to Simon. What had he been thinking? It wasn’t like this was news.

He somehow managed to pull his lips into a smile that probably looked a bit pained. Fortunately, Ayub seemed to take it as agreement.

“How long did it take you to get here?” he asked, this time addressing Wille directly.

“The drive is around twelve hours. We did an overnight stop in Sundsvall.” An overnight stop during which he’d woken up with Simon curled up around him. The fact that that had happened just this morning felt surreal, especially in the light of Simon introducing him as ‘his ride’ just a second ago.

“Shit”, Ayub said again, adding a disbelieving chuckle. “That’s mighty nice of you, Wille, to drive all this way to get Simon here to his audition.”

As much as he would’ve liked to have a better answer, Wille could only muster a hum in return. Then, spotting the hot dog in Ayub’s hand, he latched onto this possible exit strategy.

“I’m, uh, gonna get myself one of those”, he said with a nod toward Ayub’s hand. “Anyone else want something?”

“I’m good”, Ayub said with the same friendly grin he’d been wearing this whole time. Simon only blinked back at him like he hadn’t even heard the question.

“Simon?” he asked, trying not to wonder where Simon’s thoughts had run off to. It wasn’t his business, anyway.

“Uh, no. No, thanks”, Simon finally said, averting his eyes toward the players on the field as soon as he’d finished speaking.

Okay, then. Wille knew a dismissal when he saw one.

Walking over to the little hot dog cart at the corner of the field, Wille tried to resolutely push down the tears he could feel burning behind his eyeballs. This was ridiculous. He’d known all this time that Simon was only spending time with him for the sake of getting to Stockholm. Sure, they’d been getting along well. Sure, they’d had their fun moments on the trip. None of that changed the fact that Simon had never intended to stay in Luleå and form any meaningful connections there. He was gonna be gone again once the summer was over. Wille had been stupid to let himself forget about that.

By the time he was done purchasing his hot dog, he’d pulled himself together again. He’d be fine. There was plenty of time to mourn his unrequited feelings once they were back in Luleå. For now, he’d make the brief time with Simon and his friends count. Even if he was only here due to a string of unfortunate circumstances.

Simon and Ayub seemed to be in a debate about something when Wille walked back over to them, though he never got to hear the topic of said debate since both of them switched to commenting on the game the second Wille joined them.

“That’s Rosh over there”, Simon told him, pointing out a girl with dark hair and the number 24 on the back of her jersey who was currently skillfully dribbling the ball around another player. “She’s easily the best player on her team.”

“I can see that”, Wille said, even though he knew about as much about football as he knew about quantum physics. Then, he opted to silently watch as Simon and Ayub were getting increasingly into cheering on their friend. Their enthusiasm was infectious, though, so much so that after a while, Wille found himself joining in with their calls of “Go, Rosh!” and “Come on, Ekerö!” And somehow, before he knew it, the second half of the game was over and Rosh came jogging over to them. She high-fived Ayub, then reached out to tousle Simon’s curls, which he answered with a whine of protest. Wille knew his expressions well enough by now, though, to detect the beginnings of the pleased little smirk he was trying to hide from her.

“This is Wille”, Ayub declared before Rosh had even had a chance to ask. The two of them shared a brief look that Wille was sure held some sort of meaning he didn’t understand. Then Rosh gave him a casual nod.

“Thanks for bringing us this little grump back. We’ve missed his moping”, she said, earning herself an elbow to the side from Simon, which she blocked with her arm without even having to look.

“You’re welcome”, Wille replied in lack of a better answer. It seemed to have been the right response, judging by the smirk on her face.

“So, you guys coming to the party?”

“What party?” Simon asked before Wille could.

“My parents are out of town visiting my grandma”, Ayub chimed in. “So my brother is having a little get-together at our house. You’re all invited, of course.”

“Thanks”, Wille said, unsure of how to respond to the invitation. Looking over at Simon, he found him already studying Wille, forehead in wrinkles and bottom lip pulled between his teeth.

“We probably can’t stay that long”, he started to say, gaze still resting on Wille. Was this Simon trying to figure out whether Wille was up for the party? And if so, then what did he want Wille’s response to be?

“We still have a pretty long drive home, and Wille’s been driving for so long already today, so-”

“So how about the two of you stay at mine then?” Ayub offered, drawing Wille’s gaze onto himself. “There’s space on the couch, plus one of you can take Safa’s room now that she moved out.”

Looking back over at Simon, Wille found him still gnawing on his lip. There was something in his eyes this time around, though, something that looked suspiciously like hope. And maybe it was stupid of Wille to indulge in spending more time with Simon knowing they’d never be even vaguely as close as he wanted them to be. But there was no way he was keeping Simon from spending time with these friends who clearly made him happy.

“Okay”, he said, ignoring the warning bells at the very back of his mind. “Let’s do it.”

+++

“So, Wille. What’s it like all the way up in the north?”

Ayub leaned forward in his armchair as he asked the question, beer bottle propped up on his knee and looking fairly intrigued as to what Wille’s answer was gonna be. Around them, the party was in full swing, the chatter of a large gathering of people in varying states of sobriety mixing in with the music blasting through the house. Simon had gone off to fill up his drink a good half hour ago and had yet to return to their little corner in the living room, and Rosh had been whisked away to dance by a pretty brunette even before that. Which left Wille wedged in on Ayub’s parents’ couch between two school friends of Ayub’s and Simon’s, where he’d mostly been listening to the conversation going on around him.

Now that the spotlight was suddenly on him, he felt a flutter of nerves in his stomach. What was it like in the place where he’d grown up? Suddenly, every memory he’d ever had seemed to be gone from his mind, wiped away by the prospect of embarrassing himself in front of a bunch of strangers. Or maybe it was the fact that they were Simon’s friends that made him nervous?

“It’s, uh, it’s pretty cold most of the time”, he finally said, despite being aware that that was about the dullest answer he could’ve given. Just to infuse at least a little bit of personality into it, he added, “Two years ago it went all the way down to minus 36 Celsius. You’d get frostbite just from being outside for like ten minutes. We got to stay home from school for a whole week.”

“Man, I wish it got this cold here, too”, the guy to Wille’s right - Rayan - said with a small laugh. “Imagine not having to take a test you didn’t study for.”

“I don’t think the temperature is gonna work according to your exam schedule”, Lydia, the girl to Wille’s left, pointed out.

Wille felt himself carefully joining in with the chorus of laughter around him. When it died down again, he reached for his drink, taking a small sip of the deadly concoction of rum with a splash of coke that Rosh had mixed for him. It washed down his throat with a bitter sting, bringing with it a familiar rush of warmth.

“Yeah”, Ayub agreed just as Wille put the cup down on the table again. “And getting frostbite just from going to the store? Nah, man. I’d rather just fake being sick.”

“Thank god those times are over now”, Lydia declared, and then the three of them raised their drinks in unison to chant, “To freedom!”

Wille thought of his afternoons doing homework and then working at the theatre, and then he thought of the countless cars he’d be fixing in the foreseeable future, wondering if ‘freedom’ was really the word he’d use. Of course, he didn’t say any of that though. Instead, he used the temporary lull in conversation to ask, “So, did you all grow up here together?”

“Lydia moved here during the first year of mellanstadiet, I think”, Ayub replied, waiting for Lydia’s nod of agreement before he went on, “But other than that, yeah.”

“Simon, too?”

He hadn’t meant to ask, especially not this eagerly. But with the coke-and-rum-but-mostly-rum concoction swimming around somewhere in his bloodstream, it became a lot harder not to follow his instincts when it came to Simon. Speaking of - In order to hide the blush he could feel taking over his cheeks, he grabbed the cup again to down the last of its contents.

“Simon, too”, Ayub confirmed in the meantime, and Wille thought he could spot an upward pull to the corners of his mouth as he did. “He and Sara - that’s his sister, have you met her?” Following Wille’s headshake, Ayub continued. “Anyway, they both went to the same school we all did. Well. Until she moved away a year ago. Got a job somewhere up where you live.”

Well, that was news. Up until now, Wille had simply assumed that Simon’s sister had moved to Luleå along with the rest of the family.

“Is that why they all moved? To be closer to Sara?” he asked, the thrill of having found a new source of information about Simon stronger than the worry of coming on too strong.

“Wasn’t it because their dad-” Rayan started saying, but stopped talking once he noticed the icy stares of both Lydia and Ayub on himself. “Ehm, I mean-”

“You’ll have to ask Simon”, Ayub told Wille, and the smile he sent his way after looked smaller to him than all the ones before, less open. Maybe Wille shouldn’t have asked about Simon’s family and their secrets behind his back. But then again, he hadn’t even known there were any secrets. And it wasn’t like Simon was the most generous giver of information, himself.

Speaking of Simon, maybe Wille ought to check where he’d wandered off to. Just to make sure he was okay.

“I’m gonna go fill up my drink”, he announced into the slightly awkward silence, then cursed himself for getting up too quickly when he swayed a little on his first step. Because that had to be it. He couldn’t possibly be drunk already.

By the time he’d made it to the assortment of liquor and sodas in the kitchen, he had to redetermine that assessment. Maybe one of Rosh’s mixes on top of the ‘loser’ beer he’d had before that was indeed enough to get him at least verging on drunk. Which wouldn’t be helpful in finding Simon. Therefore, instead of doing as he’d said, Wille left his empty cup by the sink and wandered back out of the kitchen, this time down the corridor behind its second entrance. The music was quieter here and there were only a handful of people leaning on the wall, most of them apparently waiting for the bathroom to free up. The only others were a girl sitting on the floor crying with two of her friends huddled around her, and a couple making out against the door frame to Wille’s left.

Since the odds of finding Simon here were rather slim, Wille turned to go back in the direction of the living room. Maybe Simon was hidden in the crowd somewhere. Or maybe he’d gone back to his friends by now.

He hadn’t, as Wille realized from one look in the direction of the couch. He also couldn’t spot him from a brief scan of the other side of the room, the one where the dinner table had been pushed to the wall to create a small dancefloor. It probably was for the better, he found himself thinking fleetingly. Finding Simon on the dancefloor would’ve inevitably come with watching Simon dance, possibly with someone else, and neither of these things would have been ideal for Wille’s heart, to say the least.

Mentally rifling through his remaining options, Wille decided to try checking outside, rather than venture into the depths of the house where he wasn’t really sure he was even allowed. The fresh air hit him like a blow to the head once he stepped onto the small porch. Steadying himself on one of the stairposts, he briefly closed his eyes and tried taking a deep breath. He felt only marginally better when he opened them back up.

Nevertheless set on his mission, Wille let his gaze sweep across the patio furniture, the little shed by the hedge lining the garden, the expanse of grass that held a single swingset that Ayub and his siblings had probably used as kids. Simon wasn’t on it. He also wasn’t standing with the group of people smoking by the gate, or the three guys chasing each other by the hedge, apparently to pour beer over one another.

Where the hell was Simon? Had he gone off somewhere with someone? Maybe an old flame even? Maybe someone who makes him do stupid things, the nagging voice at the back of Wille’s mind suggested. He tried to physically shake it off, which wasn’t a good idea at all, since it left him with his head spinning for real now. Wherever Simon was - Wille needed to sit down for a moment before he could go find him.

Getting to sit and lean his head against the stairpost helped in calming down the dizziness. The warm evening air, now that he had gotten used to it, was actually a nice change from the stuffy, smoke-filled inside. He’d give himself a couple more minutes, then he’d probably be fine again.

“There you are.”

Wille’s head snapped up too quickly at the familiar voice. The sight of a carefully smiling Simon approaching to sit down on the steps beside him was pretty effective in toning down the brief dizzy spell, though. So he hadn’t run off with someone else and left Wille to fend for himself. That thought shouldn’t have been as much of a relief as it was.

“I saw you going outside and figured I’d check on you”, he was now saying, and the concern in his big brown eyes nearly melted Wille’s entire heart when he asked, “Are you doing alright?”

Wille hummed in response, the sound coming out warm and content through the smile that had formed on his lips without his conscious permission. Then, he spotted Simon’s slightly raised eyebrows and made himself add, “I’m fine. Just enjoying the fresh air.”

Simon was quiet for a brief moment, his eyes studying Wille’s features before he averted them to look toward the swingset. “Mind if I join you for a bit?”

“Of course not”, Wille blurted out practically the moment he’d stopped speaking.

If his ears weren’t fooling him, Simon let out a small chuckle before he said, more serious again, “Thanks. It was getting a bit stuffy in there.”

Again, Wille could only hum in response, busy as he was with keeping himself from staring at Simon’s profile the entire time. It was simply not fair for anyone to have such a pretty profile. Or such a cute, perfectly sloped nose. Or such an elegantly curved neck whose end disappeared beneath the deep black of his t-shirt, where Wille wished so badly he could follow it. With his hands, or even better with his mouth. Or maybe he could just remove- Shit, he was doing it again, wasn’t he?

Forcefully ripping his eyes away, Wille gave himself a moment to reset. Then, in an attempt to distract from his momentary blunder, he asked, “Are you glad we came tonight?”

“Very”, Simon said, the two syllables holding more different emotions than Wille’s currently impaired brain could analyse. “It’s good seeing everyone. Especially since I don’t know for sure I’ll be coming back.”

“Of course, you’ll be coming back”, Wille said, ignoring the twinge in his heart at the prospect. “Those music school people would be total dumbasses to not take you.”

“Thanks, Wille. That’s very sweet.”

It was hard for Wille to interpret the tone of Simon’s voice. He sounded a bit sad, almost. But also happy? Definitely pleased. Fuck, why were they having this conversation while Wille was feeling more drunk by the second?

“Have you been having fun?” Simon asked before he could get too hung up on his frustration. “I hope everyone behaved while I was gone.”

“They did”, Wille told him, feeling his lips widen again at the thought of Ayub and his seemingly ever-present grin. “And I am having fun.”

“Good. I’m glad. And for the record, I really appreciate you going along with this when I gave you, like, no notice.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

Wille only realized he’d said that out loud when he looked over at Simon to find him staring back with widened eyes. There was a whole array of emotions flitting across them at too fast a speed for Wille to catch all that many. Before they could settle on one, Simon shook his head, gaze trailing down to his hands, which he’d folded in between his knees.

“You can’t just say that”, he said, and there was a throatiness to his voice that made Wille braver than he’d felt just a moment ago. Or maybe that was the alcohol?

“Why?” he asked, and this time he kept his eyes locked on Simon’s profile, watched him blink several times, eyelashes briefly kissing the skin beneath his eyes every time. Watched him worry his lower lip between his teeth before he let out a small sigh. Watched him ultimately say, determined and just a little bit sad, “Because you don’t know me.”

The words stung more than Wille had been prepared for. And yet, it was that underlying note of sadness that made him push further than he probably should.

“I do know you”, he said, not letting himself get stopped by the way Simon’s head slowly turned at that, surprised eyes finding Wille’s face. “I know you like band tees, and you drink your coffee like someone’s chasing you with a gun. I know you have a sister, and that you love music, but not love songs. You always bite your lip when you wanna say something, but aren’t sure if you should. And you love your friends a lot. And they love you, because how could they not?”

“Wille-” Simon tried to interject, but Wille was on a roll now. Because how dare Simon claim he didn’t know him? If anything, Wille had learned an impressive amount about Simon, considering how closely he kept all the details locked away.

“I also know that you care way more than you pretend to. You’re really good at it, you know? Acting like you don’t give a shit about anyone or anything outside of Stockholm. But then you come out here to check on me when you could be partying with your friends instead.”

It was quiet for a few seconds following that, as Simon’s eyes continued flitting back and forth over where Wille - or rather his drunk alter ego - was for once not backing down. He watched with a sinking feeling in his stomach how Simon’s gaze ultimately slowed down and hardened, before he finally averted his eyes again.

“You’re the driver”, he said to his own knees, every word stabbing deeper into Wille’s chest. “If something happens to you, I’m fucked.”

In hindsight, Wille couldn’t explain what made him do it. Maybe it was simply the desperate need to block out the roaring pain in his chest. Or maybe it was the anger he could feel starting to flood his veins, because if Simon meant that, then he could at least have the decency to look Wille in the eye when he said it.

Whatever the reason, it made Wille say in an oddly steady voice, “That’s bullshit.”

At that, Simon’s head whipped up as if someone had pushed a button somewhere on him. This time, next to the surprise in his eyes, there was another clearly detectable emotion for once. Fear.

“It’s bullshit, and you know it”, Wille repeated, watching a hint of defiance mix into Simon’s expression. Defiance and- Was that longing? Was Wille maybe onto something here? Something more than he’d have dared to hope for in his wildest dreams? It was unlikely, he knew that. And yet he suddenly had to be sure. So much so that he was convinced he might die if he didn’t.

“You wanna know what else I think is bullshit?” he continued, pushing away the voice at the back of his head telling him he was overstepping. That whatever tentative friendship they’d built might not be able to come back from this. “That whole love thing. I don’t know what happened to make you hate love songs. Or why you think love is this bad thing or whatever. But I do know that you’re not as unbothered about it as you make it seem. In fact-”

Simon’s mouth had dropped slightly open, his lips glistening in the soft porch light. It was hard to tell whether the dark in his irises was anger or something else. But Wille had started this now, regardless, and he had to finish it, on the off chance that it was the latter.

“In fact”, he repeated, swallowing briefly to steel himself, “I think you want to believe in love. And the only reason you act like you don’t is because you’re scared of getting hurt. You’re scared that-”

“Shut the fuck up”, Simon cut him off, and then his lips crashed into Wille’s. It was a kiss filled to the brim with desperation, though Wille had no way of telling what for. The thought became unimportant as his body responded by itself, his mouth opening to welcome Simon’s tongue inside it. Fuck, he’d needed this. Needed Simon’s taste to flood his senses, needed the graze of his tongue against his own. Before he knew it, he felt Simon’s fingers tugging on the hair at the back of his neck, coaxing an unexpected moan from him.

Holy shit. This was Simon kissing him. Simon acting like he wanted to eat him up. Like he couldn’t possibly get close enough. With the realization finally somewhat setting in, Wille’s hands came up to claw on the back of Simon’s shirt, then cup his neck to pull him impossibly deeper into the kiss, a move that pulled a noise from Simon that went straight to Wille’s gut. Fuck, he needed to feel more of Simon. To get him out of this pesky shirt and trace his skin with his fingers, or maybe his tongue. Screw the fact that they were in someone’s garden. The way Simon was currently melting into him was way more important. God, he even felt beautiful in Wille’s hands.

“Simon”, he sighed into their kiss, unable to stop himself. He regretted it instantly, when Simon’s movements froze up the very next moment. Before Wille knew what was happening, he’d pulled out of Wille’s reach and stumbled back onto his feet.

“Fuck”, he cursed, staring at Wille, eyes widened in horror this time. “Sorry, that- I wasn’t- Fuck.”

And then, as if that stare hadn’t been enough to make Wille’s heart shatter into a million pieces, he turned on the spot to hurry inside without looking back, leaving Wille alone on the porch.

Chapter Text

“So. How’d everyone sleep?”

Ayub looked around the kitchen counter, where Wille, Simon and a guy from last night whose name Wille had forgotten and felt weird asking about now, were each perched on a barstool, watching him push scrambled eggs around a large frying pan. Just like his last few attempts at getting a conversation going, it received only a vague mumble from Wille and Simon, while whats-his-face simply held up his thumb. He was looking a little worse for wear, and something about watching him down three ibuprofens at once just a few minutes ago made Wille think that in his case, that had nothing to do with getting kissed by the guy he was in love with only to then have him storm away.

Wille, on the other hand, was very much hunched over his sad little glass of orange juice for that exact reason. Well. And the fact that ever since entering the kitchen a good ten minutes ago, Simon hadn’t even once bothered to look his way.

He’d pointedly ignored Wille last night, too, finding a way to switch groups whenever Wille had just managed to get close enough to try and risk talking to him. Not that he’d really known, at that point, what he’d have wanted to say, had Simon listened. Because there were not a great lot of good ways to say “What the fuck just happened when you kissed me and then ran off?”, especially while trying not to fall over one’s own tipsy feet.

Which even last night’s Wille had eventually noticed and decided to leave it be, before he’d somehow make the whole thing worse. And so, he’d claimed Ayub’s sister’s room for himself and gone to bed early. The downside to that whole plan, however, was that now, in the light of day, he had even less of an idea of what to say to Simon, and no more liquid courage left, either.

“Special hangover eggs coming right up”, Ayub announced with continuously unbroken optimism, and less than a minute later, Wille had something to focus on that wasn’t the counter, the glass between his hands, or Simon’s closed-off profile. Which somehow looked more closed off even than when they’d first met. Back then, it had proclaimed blatant disinterest. Now, Simon looked like he, for some unknown reason, was actually mad at Wille specifically. Which was all kinds of confusing, given that Wille hadn’t been the one to pull a kiss and run last night.

“So, Simme. When are we gonna know if you got in?” Ayub broke the renewed silence sometime around Wille’s fifth forkful of scrambled egg. Wille forced his eyes to stay on the plate while Simon answered.

“They usually send out letters by the end of July, so… Might still be a while until I find out.”

“Okay, so what I’m hearing is: acceptance party next month?”

“Right. Are you paying for my train ticket here, or…?”

“Come on, I thought you had that fancy theatre job. Wille, do they pay you guys this badly?”

Wille swallowed another piece of egg, then he mumbled, “I have no complaints.”

“Easy to say for someone living in that house.”

Simon’s gaze was fixed determinedly on the counter in front of him when Wille turned to throw him a surprised glance. Where had that come from? He hadn’t been under the impression so far that Simon had an issue with where he lived. Or, which he was slowly realizing was probably the underlying problem, with the fact that Wille’s parents were somewhat well off. Which seemed kind of an unfair thing for Simon to get mad at him for. It wasn’t like Wille had any say in that department.

Before he could find a good retort, Ayub swooped in yet again to ask a question about the music program, which Simon thankfully jumped on immediately. As Ayub proceeded to read out some basic course info from the brochure Simon had produced from the depths of his backpack, Wille tried his best to ignore the toxic cocktail of shame and irritation swirling in his stomach as a result of being unfairly called out by Simon in front of his friends. He had no desire to hash this out with said friends listening, and besides, it didn’t seem like Simon would currently be very receptive to having a reasonable conversation with him anyway.

It was hard to believe he’d even gone out after Wille last night, let alone impulsively kissed him. Maybe his alcohol-fueled mind had dreamt that up for him? But no. There was no way he’d made up the electricity racing through his veins, or the fingers tugging at his hair, or the taste of Simon on his tongue. It had certainly happened, even if for whatever reason, Simon seemed set on pretending otherwise.

As much as he was trying not to listen to Simon and Ayub and focus on his breakfast instead, Wille couldn’t help but react when somewhere in a series of theory and composition courses, Ayub mentioned the term ‘film scoring’.

“You said that’s an elective?” Wille’s mouth had finished asking before he even realized what he was doing.

“Yeah”, Ayub readily answered. “Says here it’s also possible for film school students to take. Huh. I didn’t even know we had a film school.”

“It’s been around for a few years now”, Simon cut in just as Wille shrugged his shoulders. He sounded tentative for a moment, careful, like he was trying not to reveal more than he wanted to. Though what there was to possibly reveal, Wille would never know, because from one second to the next, Simon’s face hardened again.

“But Wille wouldn’t be interested in that. He’s gonna stay in Luleå and take over the family business. Isn’t that right, Wille?”

There was something bitter in Simon’s tone, almost venomous as he stared back into Wille’s confused face. What the hell was happening here? Why did it feel yet again like Simon was suddenly singling him out for something that hadn’t seemed to be an issue before? Something Simon had no business even caring about, let alone critiquing Wille for?

“Right”, he pressed out through clenched teeth. Then, he went back to silently eating his eggs, his jaw grinding a tad harder than usual. He had no desire to cause a whole scene in the middle of Ayub’s kitchen. They’d have plenty of hours to talk once they’d be back in the car together. Maybe with fewer spectators around, there’d even be a real chance to find out what the hell was going on with Simon.

+++

Four hours into their drive and Wille was starting to seriously doubt that hope. So far, it’d been mostly radio music playing, interspersed with the occasional question about directions. Simon sat curled in on himself in the passenger seat, stubbornly watching the landscape passing by outside his window. He hadn’t turned up the volume or commented on the music once this whole time, and the little bit that Wille could see of his expression still looked as hostile as it did uncomfortable.

Wille, on the other hand, was starting to get genuinely pissed. Even after mentally rewinding the events of last night and this morning several times, he still couldn’t find any reason for Simon to act like he’d been wronged. And frankly, he was getting tired of all the silent brooding and the snide remarks and Simon’s apparent inability to just come out and fucking say what he was actually thinking. So after passing yet another handful of exits with nothing but silence between them, he asked without preamble, “Are you gonna tell me why you’re mad at me?”

Simon only shot him a quick, reluctant glance, then he turned right back to face the window.

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, right.” Wille’s scoff came out without him even trying to hide it. “So you getting all weird and snappy at me during breakfast was all in my head, was it?”

“I don’t know what to tell you”, Simon said with a small, choppy shrug. He was still looking out the window. “I was only stating the facts.”

“That’s bullshit, Simon. And you know it.”

Wille felt a small tickle of triumph when Simon’s head finally turned to him at that. It mixed with both annoyance and a flicker of nerves under the scowl Simon fixed him with.

“What, so you’re not gonna stay home and take over the family business?”

“That’s not what this is about.”

“Oh really?” Simon drew up his eyebrows dramatically, making another surge of annoyance shoot through Wille’s veins.”It sounds like that’s what you’re upset about.”

“I’m upset about you acting like I’ve done something awful when you’re the one who kissed me and then ran off without a fucking explanation.”

Wille’s voice had gotten louder toward the end, just short of shouting. Simon, on the other hand, looked like any words he’d been wanting to say had just died at the back of his tongue. His gaze flitted briefly up to Wille’s eyes, then down to the volume button on the radio, his jaw clenching.

Finally, he told the empty air in front of him. “That was a mistake.”

Usually, that would’ve been the moment for Wille’s insecurities to take over and abort this whole conversation before Simon could make it any more obvious just how painfully different they both felt about that kiss. Not now, though, not with two weeks’ worth of suppressed hope and a whole night of spiraling and frustration sloshing around in his stomach, fueling the growing flame of anger in his chest.

“What is it, then?” he spit out, knuckles clenching around the metal of the steering wheel. “What’s the giant, horrible mistake about kissing me? What are you so fucking afraid of?”

“What do you want from me?” Simon’s voice had gotten louder now, too, the question coming out not unlike the howl of a dog whose tail had just been stepped on. “I’m sorry, is that it?”

At a different moment, Wille might’ve been convinced by Simon’s outburst to take it down a notch, to swallow down his own bubbling anger just so the tension wouldn’t boil over irredeemably. But now, the anger inside of him was bubbling wildly, and on some level, it even felt good. Better than the quiet pain of rejection, at least. So instead of lowering his voice and de-escalating, Wille snapped right back.

“How about some honesty for once? Why is it so hard for you to just say what you’re feeling?”

“Oh, you want me to go walking around proclaiming shit like you do? Telling people you’ll do anything for them when they never even fucking asked you to?”

“How are you making this my fault?”

Wille didn’t even have time to get self-conscious about the high little squeak his voice had broken out into at the end, busy as he was keeping the car in line while also glowering at Simon, his breaths coming out loud and uneven.

“You’re the one who kissed me. You wanted to go to Stockholm and stay at your friend’s place and have a stupid party.”

“So what? You’re blaming me now for letting you go along with all of that?”

For the first time since their fight had started, Wille could feel Simon actually looking at him, eyes boring into the side of his face while he made sure their car was still completely within the right lane. When he turned to meet Simon’s icy glare, he suddenly decided he’d preferred it when Simon had avoided his gaze.

“News flash, Wille!” he was saying now, the words whooshing out with the intensity and sharpness of a whip. “That was your choice. You’re the one who’s been staring at me from day one like you wanted to fucking… eat me up or something. You don’t get to be all hurt now just because I’m not willing to turn into the good little smalltown boyfriend you want me to be.”

Wille could feel his own mouth open and close a few times, thoughts racing in his mind, competing with the drumming of anger and confusion in his ears.

“What does that even mean?” he finally asked, sounding almost comically exasperated even to his own ears. Simon, however, didn’t seem to think it was funny at all.

“I told you I’m going to Stockholm”, he was saying now, still in the same, weirdly accusatory tone. “I’m gonna study singing and I’m gonna live my dream and some guy with pretty eyes who doesn’t even know what he wants out of life isn’t gonna hold me back.”

“I do know what I want out of life.”

Wille’s defense came entirely of its own accord, so quickly that he barely had time to even process the rest of what Simon had said, before he got hit with a counter remark.

“Is that what you tell yourself to feel better about staying in the same dead-end place your whole life to lay in the nest your dad built for you?”

“It’s not my fault your dad didn’t do the same for you.”

Even before he’d finished speaking, Wille knew that that had been the wrong thing to say. Where Simon had been snappy and defensive a moment ago, he was suddenly oddly quiet, a look of deep betrayal crossing his features just long enough for Wille to get a glimpse of it. His jaw was clenched tightly as he gritted out a single phrase.

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry, Simon.” From one moment to the next, the anger in Wille’s voice had made room for pleading. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean-”

“No, Wille.”

For the first time since meeting him, Wille hated the sound of his name coming from Simon’s mouth, all bitter and hurt and disappointed.

“Go be a stupid coward, and tell yourself the world is gonna be just like in the love songs. But leave me the fuck alone with your stupid kicked puppy look. And don’t you dare mention my dad ever again.”

“Simon-”

Wille’s plea went under in the roaring guitar solo that Simon had quickly turned up to maximum volume, before he went back to staring out the window with his arms tightly crossed in front of his chest. He didn’t say another word to Wille for the rest of the drive.

+++

By the time Wille turned into the driveway of his parents’ house, he’d gone through the longest twelve hours of his life. Even if it hadn’t already been close to midnight, all he’d have wanted was to fall into bed and sleep for eternity. Maybe if he stayed asleep forever, he wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that he’d fucked up, and now Simon had every right to hate him.

Softly closing the front door behind himself, he traipsed towards the stairs. He was so startled by the unexpected call of his name that a small yelp made its way up his throat and out of his mouth. His mother’s call had come from the living room, and it had sounded the opposite of good. The part of Wille that had naively hoped for her to be relieved enough about his return that the tirade about his disappearance would take second place, retreated in shame at the sound.

He didn’t need further command to know that he was expected to meet his mother in the living room. When he entered, it was to find both of his parents sitting on the pastel pink couch, watching him enter with varying expressions. His mom looked expectedly disapproving, her lips pinched into a narrow line. His dad, on the other hand, looked vaguely uncomfortable behind the stern mask he was clearly trying to put on.

“Mom. Dad.”

Wille stayed rooted to his spot on the carpet, too exhausted to really feel the despair of losing out on an easy night’s sleep, or the fear of an impending scolding. He didn’t even flinch when his mom’s voice cut through the quiet room.

“What on earth were you thinking?”

He didn’t attempt to answer, or apologize, or do anything other than look at the floor as he let her outrage unfold over him. How could he have gone against her direct order? Did he have no regard for his poor father at all? Had he even considered what lengths they’d had to go to to keep the party guests from wondering why he wasn’t at his own father’s birthday?

“It’s a blessing that I thought to tell them you’d caught a summer flu. Just think of the rumors this could’ve stirred up. Do you want your father’s business to fail just because you’ve ruined the family reputation?”

Wille didn’t point out that business would’ve had to be going quite badly already for a single tiny rumor like that to cause it to collapse. He listened, and he bowed his head, and he hummed in the right places. Anything to make this go over faster so he could accept his punishment and finally get to sleep. That was until his father finally spoke up, voice graver and more serious than Wille thought he’d ever heard it.

“We’re very disappointed in you, son. And as much as we like to give you your freedom, there’s got to be consequences.”

That was unusual enough for Wille to peel his eyes off the cream carpet and move them over to where his dad sat straight as a rod on the sofa. Never, in eighteen years of being scolded, had his dad been the one to deliver the consequences. His role was that of the silent backup to his wife, the one whose secret sympathetic looks in his sons’ directions were meant to soothe the impact of her often unforgiving harshness. Maybe that was why Wille could spot a flicker of insecurity behind his carefully hardened expression.

“I’ve told your boss you won’t be able to finish the summer. From tomorrow on, you’re gonna be helping me at the garage.”

“What?”

As if someone had flipped a switch in him, Wille’s body suddenly seemed unable to stand still, adrenaline rushing through every cell from one second to the next. He took a step toward the sofa, hands shooting up in a gesture of protest.

“You can’t do that. I’m eighteen. You can’t pick my summer job for me. And you know this is the last time I-”

“There’ll be no discussions.” Just like before, his dad’s tone was unrelenting and weirdly hollow, like he’d memorized the words and was merely reciting them. “As long as you live under our roof, you’ll stick to our rules. You’ll work at the garage, and you’ll ask permission for any trips with friends. That includes short ones to the beach, too. Are we clear?”

“But that’s-”

“Your father asked if that was clear, Wilhelm.”

It was at that moment that Wille knew he had lost. He’d stepped too far out of line, and now the line had turned into a box that was closing in on him with no chance of stopping it. Maybe it served him right for being stupid and reckless and hurting Simon in the process. And, if he let himself actually look at his dad long enough to spot the hurt in his eyes, for abandoning him on his birthday.

“Yes”, he gritted out, eyes shamefully moving back toward the carpet beneath his feet.

“Good.”

There was a tiny sliver of relief in his dad’s tone, one that Wille was sure he hadn’t wanted to be audible.

“I think we all best go to bed now. It’ll be an early morning tomorrow.”

Despite all the exhaustion, it took Wille more than an hour of tossing and turning to finally fall asleep.

+++

“Can I help you?”

The face in the doorway of Simon’s apartment was that of a young woman, surrounded by a lighter shade of curls than the ones Wille had been hoping for. Sara, his brain supplied once it had gotten over the initial surprise of finding someone other than the boy he’d wanted to talk to. Which he really should’ve factored in, except his thoughts these days were so occupied by Simon and the events of the weekend that there hadn’t been any space left to plan for possible other involved parties.

It had been a grueling four days since they’d returned, and Wille had spent each of them pouring over what he’d said, and how Simon had reacted, and what he could possibly do to make it right. Which was why he was here now, apology at the ready in case Simon would hear him out. Too bad his plan wasn’t starting out great so far.

“I was hoping to talk to Simon”, he stated under Sara’s critical gaze. “I’m a, uhm. A colleague of his. Or, uhm, I was. But that’s not important. I just- I need to talk to him. Is he around?”

“You’re Wille.”

It wasn’t a question, and yet Wille nodded his agreement. So Simon had mentioned him to his sister? What did that mean? Was it a good thing, as in “Wille took me to my audition and we had a good time singing silly songs on the way and I kinda maybe like him just a little bit”? Or a bad thing as in “Wille’s an idiot who doesn’t know how to keep his stupid mouth shut about things that don’t concern him and I hate him”? If Wille was being honest with himself, the latter was far more likely. His suspicion got confirmed when Sara told him in the same, standoffish tone, “Simon’s not here right now. Actually, I don’t think he’ll be here much at all for the rest of summer.”

“Look, I just want to apologize. I know I messed up. But I didn’t mean it. I don’t even really know what I was talking about.”

A small frown appeared on Sara’s forehead for just a moment before disappearing again, leaving her to look mostly unmoved.

“I don’t know any details, and I don’t need to”, she was saying now, and if Wille wasn’t mistaken, her gaze had slightly hardened. “If he doesn’t want to talk to you, that’s his choice. I think it’s easiest for you to just respect that.”

Wille let his eyes flit across her face several times, looking for any sign of pity or doubt, but coming away unsuccessful. He wasn’t gonna talk her into letting him speak to Simon. Not that he could’ve talked to Simon as long as Simon himself didn’t want that.

“Okay”, he got out around the lump in his throat. Part of him had known that it would go like this, Sara or not. From the beginning, nothing had been easy with Simon. And now? Well, now that Wille had fucked it up, everything might’ve just gotten too hard to succeed at all.

“Could you do me a favor though?” he asked nevertheless. As hopeless as things were, deep inside he knew he’d eternally regret not using all of his options.

“Could you give this to him?”

Once again, Sara eyed the slim envelope with a small frown.

“He can throw it away if he wants to”, Wille hurried to say before she could protest.

She was silent for a moment, then she moved her head in a tentative nod. “Alright. That’s fair, I guess.”

Wille put the envelope into her outstretched hand, watching as she clutched it almost possessively to her chest.

“You should go now”, she then said, though ironically, it didn’t sound quite as hostile as her greeting had.

“Thank you”, Wille told her, and then he turned and walked back to his car.

Chapter Text

Wille didn’t speak to many people throughout the following week. His dad, when he had to during work hours, a couple of customers when nobody else was around to answer their questions, and Felice the two times she stopped by to keep him company during his lunch break. By now, he’d caved and told her the whole story of how he’d managed to fall for the least available person in all of town, made a fool out of himself more times than he could count, and then topped it all off by offending that exact person so deeply, they now refused to even talk to him.

She’d had some differing opinions on the whole thing – namely that Simon had messed up way more times than Wille, and bolting after a kiss with no explanation by far trumped a single shitty comment whose impact Wille couldn’t even have anticipated, given that Simon hadn’t fucking told him anything about himself – and though Wille had a hard time believing her, it did feel good to have her be so openly in his corner.

One person Wille notably didn’t talk to all week was Simon. Which was fine. He hadn’t really expected him to change his mind over a silly letter, if he’d even read it. Except it wasn’t fine and Wille was starting to wonder whether the stabbing pain in his chest was ever gonna even start to subside. In a way, he almost wished the whole Stockholm trip hadn’t happened, and he’d never known how good it felt to make Simon laugh. What Simon’s eyes looked like in the rare moments when he was letting his guard down. How overwhelming and thrilling and undeniably right Simon’s lips had felt moving against his. Only late at night, right before exhaustion finally let him drift off, did he fully admit to himself that that, too, was a lie. He wouldn’t have wanted to give up any of these things for the world.

It was during another night of tossing and turning and mentally running through the same series of thoughts that had filled the quiet hours before sleep for the past week, that a noise caught Wille’s attention. He was used to hearing the neighborhood cats traipsing around on the slat roof of the old garage-turned-home-gym that happened to span both of the windows to his bedroom, to a point where he barely even noticed them anymore. This was different, though. It didn’t sound like the quick phuab-phuab-phuab of kitty paws – this was something much heavier, slower.

Without meaning to, Wille noticed his heartbeat picking up speed. Fuck - was there someone on the roof? A burglar, maybe? But that was ridiculous. What self-respecting burglar would try getting in through a first story window, when there was a fairly wobbly back door and perfectly accessible windows downstairs? At barely 11 at night, no less?

No, it was probably just one of the larger seagulls who’d steered a bit further than usual from the coast. There was no reason to get all paran-

He didn’t even get to finish the thought before a dull knock made him shoot up from his pillow. A human knock. On his window. Fuck. Was this how he was gonna die? Sad and heartbroken, because he’d been too stupid to tell a bird from a burglar?

With a kind of courage Wille hadn’t known he possessed, he pushed up the inside blinds on the window in question and, blinking through the sudden summer night brightness, tried to see who he’d potentially have to fight – or run away and hide from, depending on which instinct would kick in first. Once his eyes had adjusted enough to make out some more distinct features on the figure outside, his breath caught in his throat once again. There in front of his bedroom window stood none other than… Simon?

He was saying something that was muffled by the glass, but his gesturing left no doubt about the fact that he wanted Wille to open the window. Somehow, Wille’s body went into action without his brain being anywhere close to catching up with the situation, and two seconds later, the glass barrier between him and Simon was gone.

“Hi”, Simon said, and then neither of them said anything for what felt like a really, really long time. Until, finally, Simon inclined his head, using it to gesture toward the roof.

“It’s nice out here.”

It wasn’t an explanation for why he hadn’t reacted to Wille’s letter until now, or why he was here now. It wasn’t even an outright invitation. And yet, there wasn’t a single cell in Wille’s body that hesitated before hoisting his boxer-clad leg over the windowsill to climb out onto the roof. It was only once he found himself standing next to Simon that he became aware of his own state of dress enough to thank the night for being more on the cool side. This way, he at least had a ratty old Dahlgren bil & bikes shirt covering his torso, rather than having to face Simon half naked.

Simon wasn’t meeting his gaze, instead moving a step aside and carefully lowering himself down onto the slates with his back to the wall.

On instinct, Wille followed his lead, letting the back of his head rest against the wood panels, right next to the edge of the window sill. The sky was tinted a deep blue in some places, an almost angry orange in others. It was the same sky Wille had seen since he’d been born. And yet, he had to admit that right at this moment, its magic was still not quite lost on him.

Maybe Simon was thinking about the sky, too, or maybe the quiet sigh he let out next to Wille was brought on by something else entirely. There was no way of knowing, because Simon wasn’t talking. And Wille, despite the thousands of thoughts racing through his head too quickly for him to fully catch one, had already said all that he could in his letter.

So he remained quiet, as well, and he kept staring at the sunset like everything in him didn’t want to study every detail of Simon’s profile instead, if only just to see the light of the setting sun reflected in the brown of his irises.

Finally, when he’d almost started believing that Simon wouldn’t be saying another word, his voice did finally break through the silence of the night.

“I read your letter.”

Wille didn’t reply right away, no matter how many thoughts wanted to tumble out of his mouth at once. Simon was the one who needed to do the talking right now. And really, a moment later, his patience was rewarded.

“I’m sorry your parents made you quit the movie theater.”

“It’s fine”, Wille said, more out of reflex than anything.

“No, it’s not. I know you loved working there.”

It wasn’t a question, which made it a bit easier for Wille to admit, “I did.”

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” There was an undeniable thrill to feeling Simon’s eyes on him, unabashed and intentional, his full focus zoomed in on just Wille. “You got in trouble because of me.”

Again, Simon’s tone told Wille he already knew the answer. So instead of an outright answer, he simply shrugged. “It’s fine. It was my decision.”

“You still did it for me.”

Any denial would’ve been a blatant lie, so Wille remained silent. Simon seemed to take his reaction as agreement, regardless. He, too, was silent for a bit, eyes wandering off Wille’s profile and toward the colorful sky. Wille heard him take a deep inhale, as if to steel himself for something. Then his gaze was back on Wille, its intensity tenfold.

“I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. It wasn’t fair. I just… I didn’t know what to do.”

“About what?”

Wille was fairly sure that his heart was clearly audible, one pounding beat following another way too quickly to be natural.

“About…”

For a moment, the words hung in the air, so clearly Wille could practically hear them. Then Simon suddenly let out the breath he’d been holding, and just like that, they were erased again.

“You’re really brave, you know?” Simon said instead, and yeah, Wille was definitely starting to get serious whiplash from this conversation. Before he could ask, though, Simon continued, “The way you’re so honest about what you’re feeling, that’s…I know I made you feel like that was a bad thing. But it isn’t. It’s a really good thing.”

“You’re also brave.”

The small laugh Simon let out at that sounded self-deprecating enough for Wille to double down.

“Going to that audition? Moving away from your family to follow your dreams? That’s braver than anything I’ve ever done.”

“That’s different”, Simon said, though he sounded less argumentative than Wille had expected. “Singing is what I’ve always wanted to do. I trained for that audition for years. But this… I mean, here I am climbing your fucking rooftop, and I still can’t say what I came here to say.”

“Of course you can.”

For the first time since they’d started talking, Wille actually met Simon’s gaze, finding his breath knocked away by the unguarded urgency he found there. Through a ridiculously dry throat, he added, “It’s just me, you know?”

Again, a quiet laugh left Simon’s lips, though this time it came out breathy, almost in awe.

“That’s what makes it so complicated”, he finally said, and his voice, too, sounded suddenly hoarse. “That you’re you. You’re brave, and kind, and you see the best in people. And then you say things like they’re nothing, when they’re so important.”

There was an urgency to Simon’s tone, now, too, one that bordered on desperation. His irises seemed to have gained a billion new shades of brown, the way they sparkled back at Wille, filled with so much unspoken emotion. It was impossible to look away.

So Wille watched. He watched as Simon wet his lips, watched him swallow, then take in another deep breath. And then he watched him say, “I like you, Wille. I like you so much it scares me. And no matter what I do, I don’t seem to be able to change that.”

“Then don’t.”

Wille had no idea where the sudden courage had come from. Frankly, half of his brain was still processing hearing the words “I like you”, spoken by Simon, about himself. But there it was, that rush of euphoric hope, having both his heart and his tongue in a firm grip.

“What if it doesn’t have to be scary?” he went on without giving himself enough time to falter. “You said love makes people do stupid things. But what if we can just be together and it works out and nobody does anything stupid?”

“You said in your letter you’d never hold me back.”

It was obvious from the tremor in Simon’s voice that he wasn’t feeling quite as self-assured as he was trying to come across. His gaze bore deeply into Wille’s, sending another jolt through his already buzzing chest.

“I meant it”, Wille promised, not an ounce of doubt in his words.

“So what happens if I get accepted into the program?”

This time, Wille had to swallow down a sudden wave of bitterness before he could reply. He didn’t think there’d ever be a way for him to imagine Simon leaving and not feel a deep sadness. But there was pride there, too. Pride and an almost reverent sense of sincerity. Therefore, it was with full conviction that he told Simon, “Then you’re gonna go off to Stockholm and become a star. And I’ll be right here, cheering the loudest when they play one of your songs on the radio.”

Without meaning to, Wille felt himself holding his breath as he watched the words sink in for Simon. It was impossible to miss the moment they did. There was a flicker that crossed Simon’s eyes, leaving behind a shimmer of fondness that could well have knocked all the suspended air clean out of Wille’s lungs. In a display of superhuman strength, he let it out slowly, instead, eyes ever trained on Simon’s face. He couldn’t have looked away if he’d wanted to, especially not when Simon’s gaze was flickering down to his lips, resting there for far too long to be inconspicuous before it trailed up to his eyes again.

“You’ve really got to stop saying things like that”, he said, a whisper more than anything.

Wille felt his lips draw into a shaky smile, one that could be heard in his voice when he asked, “Or what? You’re gonna kiss me agai-“

He’d barely finished before he felt it. Simon’s mouth on his, warm and incredible and real.

It wasn’t a tentative kiss, and yet unlike the last time, it was almost impossibly soft and gentle. Wille found himself thinking, for a bizarre moment, that Simon might be trying to make up for their first kiss by making this one the complete opposite. Then the pressure of Simon’s mouth was gone, replaced by the tickle of his breath on Wille’s lips.

“Yeah”, Wille heard him murmur. “Exactly.”

This time when Simon closed the gap between their mouths, Wille was more prepared. That didn’t weaken the electricity shooting through every nerve ending from the tip of his head to his pinky toe in the slightest. Simon was kissing him again, and he seemed to really mean it this time.

Moving on instinct, Wille deepened the kiss, delighted to hear the little gasp Simon let out as their tongues brushed together. The rush of pure bliss that shot through him when Simon was the first to draw him closer, fingers digging into the strands of Wille’s hair, was indescribable. His body followed the prompt completely naturally, and before he knew what was happening, his knees were bracketing Simon’s, hands buried in the obligatory band shirt covering Simon’s upper body, tongue delving deeper into his welcoming mouth.

If this were anyone else, he’d have probably been worried about the roof not holding up properly, or some of their little noises and labored breathing somehow alerting the neighbors. But this was Simon, which meant that nothing mattered but the tangle of their lips and the way Simon’s hips were bucking up to meet the insides of Wille’s thighs hovering just above them.

Except… what exactly was it they were doing here? Was this another spur of the moment thing for Simon, one that he could decide to pull away from at any moment and act like it had never happened? He’d said he liked Wille, but what if that wasn’t enough? What if they were still on different pages about what it was they wanted out of this?

It took a monumental effort, but ultimately, reason - and the desire to know, for once, where Simon really stood - won out, enabling Wille to ask between kisses, “I think we… should be… talking.”

He almost forgot he’d said anything right the very next second, as Simon’s mouth was trailing over to his neck to nip at the skin there. Fuck, this felt incredible. Who needed clarity anyway?

But just as Wille was getting ready to throw caution overboard for the time being, his words seemed to truly reach Simon, and the wet, warm pressure was suddenly gone from Wille’s skin.

“You’re right”, Simon got out between breaths. “Sorry. Got a bit carried away.”

Just that little admittance was so different from anything Wille had expected, he felt the few coherent thoughts in his mind stumble right to a halt. Maybe this was different, after all. The hand he could still feel resting on his hip, Simon’s thumb gently stroking the bone there, sure made it feel like it might be.

“That’s okay”, he said a bit sheepishly in lack of a more coherent answer. The chuckle he received in return made him almost grateful for the empty state of his head.

“Is it now?” Simon asked, obviously teasing. His hand was still on Wille’s hip, almost possessively so. Not quite trusting his voice, Wille nodded in response. Only then did he dare to truly find Simon’s gaze. He knew the moment their eyes connected that it had been a mistake. He was never gonna be able to have any vaguely meaningful conversation if Simon kept looking at him like that. Like he couldn’t quite believe his own luck, but was determined to not give it up again without a serious fight.

“So”, he was saying now, and Wille could tell from the tremor of his voice that beneath the happiness, there was still more than a little fear. “How are we gonna do this?”

And well. If that wasn’t the one big question that felt utterly impossible to answer.

He would, though. If it meant having Simon, for whatever short a time, Wille would carve an answer out of nothing.

“We like each other, right?” he started, earning himself another unexpected chuckle.

“I think we’ve established that, yeah”, Simon said, the smile dancing on his lips so fond it might’ve made Wille’s knees buckle if he wasn’t already kneeling.

“So, umm.” God, it was hard to focus with Simon’s undivided attention on him like this. Especially when a large part of that attention was focused on Wille’s lips, specifically. But he could do this. He could have a mature conversation about what they were right now. For Simon’s sake, if nothing else.

“Why don’t we just… see where this goes? Until the end of the summer, at least.”

“Until I leave for Stockholm”, Simon specified, and if Wille wasn’t mistaken, he sounded less giddy than just a moment ago.

Still, Wille tried his best to sound upbeat when he said, “Exactly. We still have a few weeks. Might as well make the best of those.”

It took a while until Simon answered. A while in which his brown eyes studied Wille’s features so intently, he felt himself blush just a bit from all the unabashed attention. He didn’t look away, though. Instead, he held Simon’s gaze, trying to convey all the certainty he possessed in his entire body. Maybe that was what Simon had been looking for, or maybe he’d simply wanted to finish his current train of thought before answering. Either way, his voice held an unusual earnestness when he finally said, “I’ll take a few weeks with you if I can.”

Neither of them laughed at the surprised little huff that tumbled out of Wille’s mouth unbidden. Instead, Simon’s face softened into a smile as he took in Wille’s - probably dumbfounded - expression once again.

“You’re adorable when you’re confused, you know that?” he asked, and then his palm was cupping Wille’s cheek and he was leaning up to connect their mouths again. And to hell with confusion. This, Wille knew how to do.

Barely two seconds later, he was fully in Simon’s space again, crowding him up against the wall next to his open window. He might’ve felt silly for being so eager, if Simon’s hands hadn’t been grabbing at him as enthusiastically as they were, making it more than obvious that the feeling was mutual.

At this point, the roof was audibly creaking from the sheer movement of them grinding against each other. And while Wille still couldn’t really be bothered about the neighbors, he was starting to realize somewhere in his makeout-hazy mind that crashing through an unstable roof into his mother’s home gym was probably not the best way to start off their summer romance. Begrudgingly, he leaned back just far enough for Simon’s lips to slip off where he’d been mouthing at Wille’s jaw.

“Wanna come inside?” he asked, rolling his eyes goodnaturedly at the snort Simon let out.

He felt a little bit proud to note how quickly Simon skipped over his little moment of amusement, and just how affected he sounded when he finally said with a small nod, “Lead the way.”

So Wille did. He got to his feet, pulling Simon up right along with him. And then, he used their tangled hands to guide Simon into his bedroom for the very first time.

+++

“How old were you when you knew you were gonna take over for your dad one day?”

They were lying on top of Wille’s sheets, Simon’s leg slung over one of Wille’s, the back of his calf pressed right up against the side of Wille’s knee. It wasn’t cool enough anymore to warrant a blanket despite their current state of undress, not with Simon sprawled across his chest, head resting just below the crook of his neck.

It had been a couple minutes since Simon had suggested a game of twenty questions, the twist being that they’d be using them to learn more about each other. So far, Wille was tempted to declare this his new favorite game. The continued rush of dopamine at suddenly having Simon readily answer whatever question he asked might’ve had a little something to do with that.

“I didn’t really know know until about a year ago”, he explained now, fingers absentmindedly tracing the line of Simon’s waist. “It was either gonna be me or my brother. And for a while, it looked like he was gonna do it. But then a couple months into working with my dad, he decided he wanted to go into finance instead. So now he’s living it up in New York.”

“And you’re left here to save the family legacy.”

It wasn’t said maliciously, which significantly dampened Wille’s urge to defend himself. Still, after letting out a thoughtful hum, he said, “It’s not the worst fate. I do like it here. It’s where I grew up, you know? All my friends are here. Everything I know, really.”

Now it was on Simon to hum thoughtfully. “Yeah. I can relate to that.”

Instinctively, Wille stretched his neck to press a comforting kiss to the top of Simon’s head.

“That must’ve been really hard for you, to have to leave everything behind like that”, he said, a bit tentative despite Simon’s continued openness.

Simon’s affirming hum made the tension leave his chest, to be replaced with gooey warmth when Simon leaned up to press a kiss to his jaw.

“Yeah”, he then said, not sounding nearly as downtrodden as Wille had expected, “It really sucked. I was so set on hating everything wherever my mom would take me.”

“You don’t say. And here I thought you were sunshine personified.”

Another wave of warmth flooded Wille’s chest when Simon joined in with his quiet laughter.

“Fuck off”, he told Wille, while simultaneously tightening his grip around his stomach.

“And there it is.”

That got Wille a pinch to his side, though Simon made up for it by nuzzling deeper into the bottom of his neck.

There was only the sound of their breathing for a few seconds after that, as Wille’s thoughts began to once again spin around the question he hadn’t dared to ask yet. Because what if it was too much, and Simon was still not ready to tell him this secret of his?

Simon must’ve noticed him growing tense, because Wille heard him mumble just a moment later, “I can feel you thinking, you know?”

And fuck it. Even if tonight would actually turn out not to be a fluke, he might never be getting the opportunity of Simon being this unguarded again. If he didn’t ask now, he was probably never going to.

“It’s just”, he started, pausing to - hopefully subtly - take a sniff of Simon’s curls, instant comfort fighting the nerves in his body. “I was wondering why your mom decided to move here right when you were gonna audition for uni?”

Just like he’d expected, Simon didn’t answer immediately. Contrary to what Wille had feared, though, he didn’t suddenly pull away. Instead, he briefly tightened his grip on Wille once again, his entire body pressing closer as he, too, took a long breath in.

“My dad”, he then said, pausing for multiple seconds before he continued, “He’s been an alcoholic for a really long time. I guess my mom finally just got fed up with him.”

To anyone who didn’t know Simon, he’d have sounded completely casual. Wille could hear it, though, that hint of defiance that was too cold, too impersonal to not be put on. Carefully, he shifted in Simon’s grip until he could properly see his face. Just like he’d expected, he found Simon biting his lip, looking torn between saying more and letting his walls come up. Something in Wille’s expression seemed to give him a push, his next exhale holding a certain amount of determination.

“He, uh. He didn’t really treat her well. I mean, he treated neither of us that well. But she was always off worst. And still, she kept saying she couldn’t leave him. No matter what my sister or I told her, it always came back to that.”

Simon’s gaze had drifted lower, focused somewhere around Wille’s ribs. Still, he didn’t flinch away when Wille lifted a hand to gently trace the side of his face.

“And then right when I was about to get away, he had a really bad night. And suddenly she could leave him, after all.”

There was a quiet scoff, then Simon gave a small shake of his head.

“Anyway. So that’s how I ended up here.”

The shrug he gave came out choppy, and though it was clearly supposed to have the opposite effect, Wille felt his heart break a bit further at the sight. This wasn’t fucking fair. Nobody should’ve had to go through anything like this, least of all Simon.

“I’m so sorry, Simon.”

The words were out of Wille’s mouth before he could stop them. They made Simon’s eyes finally lift back up to Wille’s, a quiet battle between the urge to deflect and the need for comfort playing out clearly in them. Finally, Simon let out a heavy breath, the corners of his mouth stretching into a somewhat wobbly smile.

“It’s fine. Could’ve worked out worse, you know.”

Everything in Wille wanted to tell him that it wasn’t fine. That he deserved so much better, and there was no need to act like what he’d gone through was okay. But Simon had shown a lot of courage already, tonight, and if he needed Wille to lay off this topic for now, then he could do that. And so, he, too, arranged his lips into a smirk.

“So much worse”, he said, “You could’ve had to share shifts with Justus.”

He didn’t miss the flicker of relief, or the way Simon’s whole body relaxed as he quipped back, “Right. What would I have done without some weirdo constantly ogling me?”

.“Weirdo, huh? I’ll show you, weirdo.”

Simon’s giggle went under in the press of their lips, and for a blissful while, Wille was sure neither of them thought of Simon’s dad, or heartbreak of any kind.

Chapter Text

Wille felt a thrill shoot through him when a pair of slightly sweaty hands slid into place over his eyes.

“Guess who?”

“Aww shucks, if only I had an idea.”

Simon's quiet laughter tickled the side of his neck, the warmth of it traveling all the way through him.

"'Aww shucks'? Really? Didn't know we were in a Mickey Mouse film."

His hands slipped off Wille's eyes as Wille turned to face him, finding their new spot at the back of his neck instead.

"Since when do you watch Mickey Mouse films?"

Wille grinned down at Simon, delighting in the light, fluttery sensation he felt in his stomach at the sight of it being returned.

"I watch cartoons", was all Simon said, complete with a dismissive shrug. His eyes trailed down from Wille's eyes to his mouth, leaving a tingle on his lips before they trailed back up again.

"More importantly, though, is it time for your break yet?"

It had become a bit of a pattern for Simon to drop by the garage around lunchtime when he wasn't working himself, mostly because it was the only free time they got to hang out without Wille having to specifically ask his mother for permission. Officially, he was there to contribute a bag of chips or some other kind of junk food to Wille's variety of lunch options. Unofficially, Wille mostly ended up scarfing down the sandwich he'd brought to work in the final minutes of his break, after they'd spent the majority of it making out in the backseat of his car. If his dad suspected anything about their lunchtime activities, he didn't make it known.

Although he had started greeting Simon by name whenever he dropped by, which Wille had to admit made him happier than was probably reasonable, given that the most likely reason for his dad remembering Simon's name was that whole thing where they'd fixed a car together. Still, it meant his dad knew who he was hanging out with, and he didn't seem to plan on telling Wille's mother. It was as much of a blessing as he'd probably get, considering that if she knew, Kristina definitely would have had something to say about Simon being a bad influence.

Said bad influence was back to pretty openly eyeing Wille's mouth at the moment, which made him extra grateful for them currently being in the little back office, rather than the open workspace, where anybody could've been watching them.

"I just gotta bring my dad this paperwork, then I'm all yours."

"Lucky me."

Wille barely had time to process the rush of giddiness at Simon's response, given how quickly it got replaced with a different, much less innocent sensation stirring to life at the bottom of his gut, brought on by the way Simon had pressed himself closer to lean up and capture his mouth. Contrary to the sweetness of his words, the kiss he gave Wille was downright filthy, all tongue in Wille's mouth and fingers in his hair and then teeth on his bottom lip. He really couldn't be blamed for the less than dignified whimper that escaped his mouth when Simon pulled back after way too short a time.

He felt immediately better about it upon realizing that Simon's pupils were definitely larger than normal, and he was quite obviously a little out of breath. Still, Simon continued moving away from him, dropping all contact only to then offer Wille his hand.

"Come on. I have plans, so we better use the full hour."

"Wait, what plans?" Wille asked while he was already being dragged out of the room, not receiving an answer. Instead, Simon headed straight for Wille's dad, who was currently bent over the open hood of a Mercedes 280 SE.

"Found him", he announced, dropping Wille's hand just in time for his dad to turn back and face them with a mild smile.

"Told ya he'd be in there", he said, and Wille would've found the wink he added in Simon's direction highly embarrassing, if it hadn't been for the way Simon's grin widened a bit more in return, a sliver of pride tugging on its edges.

"Alright, you boys get outta here, then. See you in an hour, son."

"Thanks, Dad. Bye."

They were already standing outside when Wille remembered his question from before.

"What are those plans you were talking about?" he asked again now, watching Simon's grin turn a little more mischievous.

"Well, I still owe you a burger, right?"

With that, he walked over to where his bike was leaning against the side wall of the building, crooked bike stand pointing merrily into the air. From the basket on his back wheel, he pulled a white paper bag with various grease stains along the bottom, and a badly folded up blanket.

"I thought you could drive us to the beach for a little picnic."

+++

"Do you think we choose our own passions? Or are we destined to love the things we love?"

Simon was watching him through only one eye, the other protectively squeezed shut from the sun where he'd propped himself up on one elbow. They'd long finished eating their burgers and were stretched out on the picnic blanket, the crackling of the waves the most soothing of soundtracks. So soothing indeed that Wille hadn't been too far from drifting off, despite the current of heat steadily running beneath his skin from feeling Simon's eyes on himself.

"Hmm", he hummed now, his limbs too comfortably heavy for him to do more than turn his head from where he was lying on his back with one hand tucked behind his head. He took some time with his answer, encouraged by the unremitting curiosity Simon was watching him think with. Having his undivided attention still felt like Wille had won first prize in some bizarre luckiest-guy-on-earth contest, despite it happening more and more frequently ever since that night on the roof.

"I think we all have the potential to love a lot of different things", he finally answered. "In the end, it's about what we choose to spend our time with."

"So you don't think there's certain things we're just born to be doing?"

A small furrow had appeared between Simon's brows, one that Wille had learned meant that he was weighing out a contrary opinion.

"I don't know", Wille said, adding as much of a shrug as his current position would let him. "Maybe there's some people who are. Like you with your music."

"Hmm."

Simon watched him for a moment longer, lips rolling together. Then he said, "I think we're all born with at least one or two true passions. The actual choice is whether we let ourselves really care about them."

Wille felt his lips stretch into a slow grin.

"Are you saying I'm one of your true passions?"

Simon's scoff held traces of laughter. He reached out with his free hand to give Wille's shoulder a light shove.

"Idiot."

Before he could fully withdraw his hand, Wille had used his own to capture it, pulling it to rest at the top of his chest. His grin only widened at the wholly unconvincing eye roll Simon attempted before his mouth, too, stretched into a smile.

"I'm serious, though", he insisted after a moment, gaze trailing briefly to their tangled fingers on top of Wille's shirt, then back up to his face. "It's like you with that camera. You wouldn't have bought it if some part of you didn't know you were born to create with it."

"What if I'm simply born to capture your undying beauty with it?"

"Wille."

"I'm just saying. You make a great film subject."

Simon's expression was fond as he shook his head.

"You're delusional, Wilhelm Dahlgren."

"And you're the best muse I've ever had, whether you like it or not. Speaking of which…"

Kicking his tired limbs into gear, Wille reached behind himself for the super 8 camera that had been lying discarded on the blanket ever since he'd stopped filming the water, and then Simon biting into his burger, and then, subsequently, Simon throwing a fry at him. It hadn't really been that much of a conscious decision at first, but he'd started to bring it with him to most places after Simon had asked about it when he spotted it on his dresser that night in his room. At this point, capturing glimpses of Simon and playing with different angles whenever inspiration struck had become sort of a habit. And to be fair, inspiration struck quite often when it came to Simon.

Now, too, he looked incredibly beautiful squinting at Wille, brown skin glowing in the bright midday sun. The sight wasn't dampened in the slightest when he held up his middle finger to the camera, then rolled over onto his back, seemingly set on ignoring it. He managed to keep up the pointed not-looking for all of six seconds, then he turned back onto his side with an exasperated sigh.

"Isn't there anything more exciting for you to film? I'm trying to have a nap here."

"That's okay." Wille tried to keep his grin innocent, but knew that he was probably failing. "You're still pretty when you sleep."

"Oh my god. Shut up."

With a sound that was half-groan, half-laughter, Simon surprised Wille by lunging toward him, fumbling for the camera in his hand while at the same time rolling on top of him. Despite the surprise, Wille was quick enough to dodge the attack, stretching his arm with the camera out of Simon's immediate reach while he slung his other arm around his waist to keep him in place against his chest.

Simon wouldn't have been Simon, though, if that had stopped him from trying, which meant they inevitably ended up a giggling heap of arms and legs trying to outsmart one another. Ultimately, Simon tickled the weak spot over Wille's fourth rib to get him to briefly lower his arm, snatching the camera out of his fingers and wiggling out of his grip to turn the lens on him.

"How do you like that, huh? Is it fun being the muse?"

Instead of a reply, Wille merely stuck out his tongue at him. Then he pulled his most ridiculous grimace at the camera for good measure, before he ultimately shook his head, quiet laughter on his lips.

"Okay, enough. I promise I won't film you anymore if you stop now."

"Deal."

Just as promised, Simon let the camera sink, handing it to Wille, who turned it off and put it aside before he sat up to press a firm kiss to Simon's mouth. When he leaned back on his hands again, he felt ridiculously proud to see Simon's eyes remain closed for the smallest moment longer, before he slowly blinked them open.

"You were saying?" Wille couldn't help but tease just a little, watching with a tiny thrill how Simon's lips pursed, then pulled into an involuntary smile.

"Idiot", he mumbled, though his tone held even less heat than before. He seemed to think of something, then, the sudden spark in his eyes making Wille feel dizzy in the best way.

"Actually, I was gonna ask if you had any plans for Friday night yet?"

"I don't, actually", Wille told him, trying not to let the sudden onslaught of butterflies in his stomach translate too much into his voice.

To his delight, Simon also sounded a little affected when he said, "Good. You can pick me up from my shift then. I have something I want to show you."

"You mean like a date?"

Simon's chuckle went straight to the center of Wille's gut, leaving him feeling weak-kneed even with the blanket covered ground right beneath his legs. He had a feeling Simon could tell. As if a switch had been flipped, he was suddenly back to his confident, grinning self.

"Yeah. Like a date. If you want to?"

"I'd love to", Wille blurted out the moment he stopped speaking, earning another, even more affectionate chuckle.

"Great. Eight o'clock then. Tove's letting me off a bit early."

"Eight o'clock", Wille repeated, probably a little dumbly. Simon didn't seem to mind, judging by how he wrapped a hand around the back of Wille's neck to pull him into another kiss, one that lasted distinctly longer than the last, and ended with him back on top of Wille, both of them breathing heavily into the space between their mouths once Simon drew minutely back.

"Are you actually not gonna film me anymore?" he asked, and beneath the labored breathing, Wille thought he sounded almost regretful.

All the more reason for him to press another, smiley kiss to Simon's lips before he told him, "You're gonna have to try much harder for that."

+++

Wille was roughly twelve minutes late when he returned to work. To his surprise, his dad waved him off before he'd even gotten through his apology, the corners of his mouth twitching suspiciously when he told him these things happened to the best of people. Maybe he did know more than Wille gave him credit for?

His suspicion was confirmed on the drive home a few hours later, his dad riding shotgun today in a rare move, rather than taking his own car to work and back. They'd barely pulled out of the driveway when he very unsubtly cleared his throat, then proceeded to state, "So you and Simon seem pretty close."

It wasn't phrased as a question, but even the least attentive person would've realized that he was expecting some sort of answer. So as much as Wille would've liked to avoid whatever conversation his dad was trying to start here, he got himself to hum his agreement.

"Listen, son. I'm not gonna ask you to tell me any details. I know how it is, when you're young and you don't feel like talking to your parents about the people you like."

Even without taking his eyes off the road, Wille could hear the discomfort in his dad's voice that he was clearly trying to cover up. It made the dread in his stomach worsen, the back of his neck already growing hot with embarrassment. He was about ninety-five percent sure his dad was about to turn this into the most uncomfortable conversation in the history of mankind. He'd have almost preferred getting lectured about not hanging with the 'wrong' people.

"The thing is, I just wanna make sure you're safe. You get me?"

"I, uh. Yeah. Totally", Wille stammered, hoping to god that his father would leave it at that. He was about to be sorely disappointed.

"Just because, you know…"

When Wille risked a glance at his dad, he found that his face had taken on a worrying shade of red. He didn't know if him also being mortified by this whole thing made it better or worse, honestly.

"You're bound to have urges, and it's natural to follow them and-"

"Dad-" Wille tried desperately to intervene. It seemed his dad had successfully worked himself up past his reserve now, though, and it didn't seem like he was planning on cutting short whatever speech he'd clearly planned out.

"-I know you can't exactly get him pregnant. Or, or he can't get you pregnant, I don't know what applies more in this situation. But-"

This time, Wille let out a heartfelt groan. This was not happening right now. What kind of brochures had his dad gotten his hands on to suddenly know things about gay sex, and who would Wille have to murder for writing them?

"-you know how you can catch stuff when you're not careful right? Even that AIDS thing, apparently. Or other stuff that, believe me, you don't want. Especially not to leave it untreated."

"Dad!"

"I'm just saying. I've had my own brush with gonorrhea before, and it won't get better on its own."

"Oh my god. Please stop."

Wille's face was burning at a temperature that felt worrying at this point. If only he hadn't been driving, he could've at least covered his ears - or gouged out his eyes at the mere thought of his dad catching anything related to sex. In hopes of preventing him from revealing even more traumatizing details about his past, he blurted out in one quick stream of words, "We haven't even gone there yet, okay?"

There was a long moment of silence as he stared very pointedly through the windshield at the street in front of them, refusing to look at his father. Then he heard him cough a little bit, followed by a strainedly casual, "You know you can get most stuff through ora-"

"I'm being safe, Dad. Alright?"

His father didn't need to know that the whole oral thing was news to him. Maybe he did need to talk to Simon about this, just to make sure he was okay.

Nevertheless, he must've sounded determined enough this time, seeing as his dad finally conceded.

"Alright, alright. Just… if you do 'go there', remember to use protec-"

"I will! Promise." Wille declared, eyes still directed at the windshield.

"Good, good."

They sat in painfully awkward silence for a good half minute, before Wille finally turned up the volume on the radio enough to tone out the worst of his mental images. It seemed his dad was just as relieved to have something covering the awkwardness, bopping his head along to George Harrison after a short while. Just before they turned into their driveway, he spoke up again over the music.

"I like him, by the way. He has a good head on his shoulders."

The smile he sent Wille's way looked genuine, so much so that Wille couldn't help but smile down at the steering wheel as well as he said, "Thanks, Dad. I like him, too."

+++

By the time Friday night came around, Wille was more nervous than he'd thought possible. Maybe it was silly, and maybe he should not have been building this up into such a big deal. But dammit, this was their first actual date. And Simon had asked him on it. Had planned whatever he had in store for them. Which honestly could've been sharing a bag of chips on a curb somewhere, and Wille would've been happy just to get to spend time with him.

One thing was for sure, though. He was gonna try and look his absolute best, even if it ended up being for a curbside hang. With that plan in mind, he rolled up to Roxy at 7:52 pm wearing his white sleeveless top with the deep neckline that showed off his collarbones (a feature he'd noticed Simon take repeated interest in during their various makeout sessions) and somehow doubled in making his arm muscles look more pronounced than usual. Since he still had no idea where Simon was taking him, he was especially grateful for the evening shaping up to be a mild one, allowing him to pair it with the light pink shorts he'd definitely caught Simon ogling his ass in before.

Parking his car in one of the front row spots, he debated waiting there for the remaining eight minutes to pass. Simon was still finishing up his shift, after all, and he didn't wanna be a disturbance in that. But then again, he hadn't seen Tove in weeks, and even the thought of grumpy, old Justus sent a small wave of yearning through him. Maybe he could use this opportunity to catch up with them, now that he'd successfully won his mother's permission to spend a night out. Which it had taken Felice's help to get in the first place, given that a sleepover at her place was far more likely to get approved by Kristina than a date with the boy who was the reason he'd missed his father's birthday.

Felice had been happy as ever to help, though she'd insisted on Wille bringing Simon to the bonfire they were all having at the beach the next evening. "It's a crime I still haven't met Mr. Dream Guy ", she'd told Wille over the phone after he'd asked her to cover for him. "He's gonna need to be properly vetted. Knowing you, you're way too caught up in your heart eyes to notice if he's actually a total mouthbreather."

He had strongly opposed that accusation, of course, though he did figure he had to give her some credit. If Felice had been dating a guy who'd completely ignored her just weeks before, he also would've been a bit skeptical. Either way, Simon had looked equal parts nervous and pleased when Wille had invited him, which had quietened most of his worries. And frankly, the prospect of getting to introduce Simon to his friends and have them all see with their own eyes just how amazing he was, and how he'd chosen Wille to spend the summer with, did make him feel substantially giddy. So it really had been no sacrifice at all to agree to Felice's condition.

Simon was busy handing out popcorn to a group of middle-aged men when Wille entered the lobby of the theater. He seemed enough in his element to not take notice of Wille's presence, which gave Wille the rare chance of watching him without him being aware of it. He'd really gotten a hang of the whole thing, his movements graceful and effortless as he switched between preparing orders and talking to customers, beautifully unruly curls falling freely onto his forehead. And maybe Wille was a bit biased, but the way his hand looked wrapped around the handle of the ice cream machine was more than a little swoonworthy. God, if only there were about thirty fewer people in this space, and Simon wasn't still on the clock…

"If you keep it open like that, something's gonna fly in."

Snapping his mouth shut at the sudden interruption, Wille tried to ignore the warmth in his cheeks as he turned to the ticket counter, where Justus sat watching him with a knowing expression. Uncharacteristically for him, he almost looked amused underneath the usual annoyed apathy.

"Good to see you, too, Justus", he got out, managing a mostly convincing smirk.

"You gonna buy a ticket?" Justus asked, no time, as usual, for any niceties. Wille felt his smirk deepen, an odd sort of fondness mixing into it. He'd missed this awful grump.

Giving his head a small shake, he explained, "Nah, not today. I'm just here to pick up—"

"Simon! Time for you to clock out", he heard Tove's voice from behind him at that exact moment. Simon's head flew in their direction at the mention of his name, eyes widening briefly at the sight of Wille, before his lips stretched into a brilliant smile.

"Here you go", Wille heard him say to the woman in front of the counter without looking at her. "Have fun."

Then, ignoring the visible annoyance on the face of the man behind her, he pulled off his apron and scrunched it into a ball between his hands. He looked utterly adorable clutching said ball in both hands in front of his stomach, arms bouncing restlessly as he made his way over toward where Tove had apparently been talking to Wille this entire time.

"Earth to Wille", she was saying now, waving a hand in front of his face.

"Mhmm, yeah. I mean—" Snapping out of his Simon induced trance, he quickly cleared his throat, then tried again. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

The twitch in the corner of her mouth made the heat from before shoot back into his cheeks, though he was filled with too many endorphins to really mind.

"I said I trust you to clean up after yourselves. And no funny business, alright?"

Still a little dazed, Wille felt himself nod. Then his brain caught up and he asked, "Wait, what do you—"

"Hey! You made it."

Any question on the tip of Wille's tongue fell away completely at the sight of Simon's smile, sunny and excited and carrying just enough nervousness to make Wille feel better about his own mental state all day.

"I'll just go change real quick, then I'm all yours."

He was gone before Wille could answer, which was just as well, given as any potential reply would've gotten caught in his throat at the insinuation of Simon being 'all his'.

"Who would've thought", Tove's voice wafted through the stupor that that little remark had left him in, causing him to slowly turn his head in her direction again.

"You've really done a number on him. But from the looks of it, that's pretty much reciprocated."

"What do you mean, 'done a number on him'?"

Wille felt himself frown a little bit, his mind still too sluggish to properly analyze any vague remarks.

"Come on, Wille. You can't tell me that boy isn't miles from the surly guy who started here two months ago."

"I guess", Wille said, knowing full well she was right. Simon had changed remarkably since the beginning of the summer. Or maybe, he'd just been allowing himself to let his true colors shine through.

"The two of you make a cute couple", Tove continued to tell him, her smirk having softened into a more genuine smile. "But tell me, how are things at your dad's?"

Biting his tongue to suppress the urge to correct her, Wille spent the next handful of minutes telling her about his work at the garage, asking about business at the theater in return. She'd just been about to say her goodbyes and tend to some paperwork that 'really should've been done last week', when Simon rejoined them, once again easily knocking the breath out of Wille's lungs. While he was still in his usual combination of jeans and a black band shirt (Genesis today), he'd smudged a bit of gray kohl underneath the outer edges of his eyes and added a simple black necklace that wrapped tightly around his throat, subtle silver mounds spread out along the length of it. He looked absolutely stunning, so much so that Wille was grateful to Tove for filling the sudden silence by wishing them a good time.

His mumbled thanks came out a full beat after Simon's, prompting the latter to grin. "Ready?" he asked. Wille had never nodded more quickly in his life.

"You— You look incredible", he finally got out, a bit more breathless than he'd have liked, but ultimately not too bothered by it. Not with the way Simon's face lit up in a little, private smile.

"You, too", he replied, and Wille felt pride well up inside his chest at how hoarse his voice had sounded. "I like that shirt on you."

"Thanks", he mumbled, trying to keep his eyes from focusing in on Simon's lips too much. Their date hadn't even really started yet, he could not already be thinking of how gorgeous those lips would look all kiss-bitten and red.

"You wanna head inside?" Simon asked, and that finally gave Wille's horny mind some pause.

"Inside where?"

"Our very own theater, of course."

Looking entirely too pleased with himself, Simon nodded down the hall leading to theaters three to six, then he took Wille's hand into his own to start leading him in that exact direction. Wille remained speechless all the way there, his mind supplying him with thought fragments of whether Simon was messing with him, and how if that had been the case, he couldn't have been the least bit mad because Simon was incredibly hot when he was being smug like this.

"Tadaa!" Simon declared once they'd made it past the threshold of theater three, dropping Wille's hand to gesture at the expanse of empty, red velvet seats in front of them. "May I present, your very own private screening."

Wille must've looked utterly flabbergasted, because after a couple seconds of astounded silence, a giggle broke loose from Simon's mouth, and he grabbed Wille's wrist this time to pull him toward two particular seats in the very center of the room. To each side of them, another seat was taken up by an array of different snacks. Upon closer inspection, Wille found an open paper bag filled with what looked to be different types of fruit gums and licorice on one of them, surrounded by some caramel drops and a handful of different chocolate bars. The other, meanwhile, held a bucket of popcorn, next to a bag each of sour cream and onion and ketchup flavored chips.

"Did you do all this?"

Wille's question came out filled with every bit of awe he felt. Once again, he watched Simon's lips stretch into the proudest little smile.

"I did. Or well, Tove did the sodas and the popcorn, otherwise they would've gone stale."

"You got Tove to prepare snacks for our date?" Before Simon could even begin to answer, Wille thought of another question. "You got her to give us the whole room to ourselves? How many of your paychecks is she keeping for that?"

"She was actually pretty generous. I only paid for our regular tickets, plus the food, of course."

"But how—"

"You ask too many questions."

While speaking, Simon had crossed the space between them, his nose grazing Wille's briefly before he captured his lips in a slow, luxurious kiss. Somewhere in the middle of it, Wille vaguely registered the lights dimming around them, then the bright light of the screen falling onto the side of his face. He didn't have the energy to care about any of it, his hands coming to rest on Simon's lower back as he melted further into the slide of their lips.

His knees felt dangerously close to giving out when Simon stepped back several long seconds later, grinning up at him.

"Ready for the movie?"

"What are we watching?" Wille asked, despite not really caring in the least. He was here with Simon, who'd rented out a whole theater for him, and frankly, he wasn't really planning on seeing much of whatever film he'd picked anyway.

"I was thinking ET at first, because you mentioned liking it."

If Wille wasn't mistaken, Simon sounded a bit shy suddenly, his fingers clasping together in front of his stomach.

"But then Tove said that this new film would probably be right up your alley. It's supposed to be some sort of teen romance. It won't come out in Sweden until next month, but she got us an early preview without subtitles. Hope that's okay."

Simon's fingers fell loose again the moment Wille's palm cupped his cheek, thumb gently stroking the bone there as he brought his forehead to meet Simon's.

"It's perfect", he whispered. "You're perfect."

The small gasp that tumbled from Simon's mouth into his own as their lips met again sent the headiest of thrills through Wille, heat coiling in the center of his gut. His lips became more insistent as soon as he felt Simon's fingers digging into the sides of his shirt, pulling him minutely closer. His entire head was spinning with Simon and his beautiful noises and the warm pressure of his hands sliding underneath the hem of Wille's shirt that he must've pulled out of his shorts. They might've moved even further up, maybe even reached the top of his chest, gently brushing his nipples in the process, if it hadn't been for the speakers crackling to life at that moment, sending the strum of guitar chords into the room at an unexpected volume that made them both flinch.

"Well, I don't feel anything", a low, female voice was saying. A slightly higher one replying, "Come on, it's graduation."

Wille felt Simon's lips stretch into a grin against his own, a final, smiley kiss being pressed to them before he stepped back and withdrew his hands along with the rest of him.

"Let's watch the movie. I had to promise Tove 'no funny business'."

"You and Tove seem awfully close lately", Wille pointed out, mostly as an attempt to keep Simon from sinking into the seat, where there'd be a whole armrest separating them. Simon merely grinned at him like he knew exactly what was going on in his mind.

"What can I say? Now that you're not around anymore, the rest of us finally have a shot at employee of the month."

"I see." Wille pulled a face at him, earning himself a snort. "Is that why you got me kicked out?"

"Sure, yeah. That was my masterplan all along."

To Wille's utter devastation, Simon did sit down as he was saying this, inevitably moving further out of his space. He tugged on the side of Wille's shorts when he made no move to follow.

"Come on, you're missing the whole beginning."

And okay, if Simon was this set on watching this goddamn movie, then maybe he could get himself to actually focus on it. A little bit, at least. Just because Simon had specifically picked it for them.

He begrudgingly kept his eyes on the screen as the female lead delivered one of the worst graduation speeches he'd ever heard. Then as she told her father that maybe, she should've spent less time studying and more time getting to know her fellow students, which Simon loudly agreed with, causing Wille to laugh. By the time the male lead was rambling on the phone to braniac girl, trying to ask her out in what must've been the most unsmooth move known to mankind, Wille was genuinely invested. He'd started on the bag of fruit gums ("I know the one's with licorice are your favorite, but we got two new kinds since you left, so I put some of those in there, too."), his free hand tangled with Simon's on the armrest between them while Simon was happily munching on the ketchup chips.

"How is this romantic?" Simon asked when Lloyd (as the male lead was called, Wille had learned by now) pushed some broken glass aside with his foot for Diane (the female lead) to walk around. "She could've just walked around that by herself. It's not like she's blind."

"It's considerate", Wille argued, though his conviction was mostly lost at the adorable little wrinkle Simon's nose was doing. "I'd wanna make sure you don't step into glass, too."

"My hero", Simon deadpanned, clutching his free hand to his chest. His eyes held the most enticing spark of mirth. Beneath it, though, there was a fondness that filled Wille's entire chest with warmth upon spotting it.

"Always at your service", he somehow got out half-jokingly through the sudden dryness in his throat. Simon must've known, right? That Wille would genuinely do anything for him?

"Shut up and eat your gummy bears", Simon told him at that moment, and the pleased little smile he was clearly trying to suppress told Wille that yeah, he probably did know.

They both followed the film mostly silently for a while, the crunch of Simon's second bag of chips the only other sound filling the room.

"Oh my god, can you watch the road, dude?" Wille couldn't help but exclaim after Lloyd had been nonstop staring at Diane in the passenger seat for a good minute without once checking for traffic.

Simon's startled snort turned into full on laughter as he huffed, "You're one to talk."

"What? I pride myself on being an excellent driver."

"Maybe, when you're not 'secretly' staring at me like you're trying to read my mind."

He'd let go of Wille's hand to make air quotes around 'secretly'. Wille used the lifted position of his arms to dart out and pinch his side in retaliation. He felt laughter climb up his throat at Simon's high-pitched squeal.

"You better shut up, or this is the last time I'm driving you anywhere."

"Sucks for you, then", Simon told him, successfully blocking his next pinching attempt. "No more making out in the backseat."

The gasp coming out of Wille's mouth was only half for theatrical effect. "You wouldn't dare."

Simon gave a pointedly casual shrug.

"Don't stop driving me places then."

Wille had no counter argument to that, especially since his attention was very much drawn to certain images in his head, all connected to Simon and the backseat of his car. He got rudely ripped out of those thoughts when Simon's hand clutched his wrist in a sudden move.

"Wait, she's really breaking up with him?"

"What?" It took Wille a moment to realize Simon was talking about the movie that was very much still playing. Focusing back on the screen, and with a genuine sense of devastation, he asked, "Why would she do that?"

"I guess because she's going to England."

"But she just said she loved him! How can she just do that?"

Simon made a noise in return that was somewhere close to a hum. When Wille looked over at him, his eyes were determinedly glued to the screen. Which was weird, right? Or maybe Wille had just underestimated how invested he was in the plot at this point?

Which would've been understandable. Wille himself was increasingly engrossed in both Lloyd's and Diane's heartache. By the time the camera zoomed in on Lloyd holding a boombox over his head outside Diane's window, he was unironically clutching his chest. Why wasn't she coming out? And who had thought of that gut-wrenching slow zoom on Lloyd's face?

"Wow", he heard himself breathe out, turning to look at Simon. "That's such a great—"

He didn't get further, his brain finally processing the tear that was running down Simon's cheek. And another one, right at its tail.

"Simon?"

Flinching slightly at the sound of his name, Simon quickly used the back of his hand to wipe the wetness from beneath his eyes. He was looking at Wille with big eyes, opening his mouth like he was gonna say something, but then closing it again quickly. There was another tear already forming at the rim of his eyes. And okay, now Wille was seriously worried.

Bringing a hand to the top of Simon's thigh on pure instinct, he asked as gently as he could, "Baby, what's wrong?"

Again, it looked for a moment like Simon was gonna speak. But then he gave the smallest shake of his head instead, briefly closing his eyes as he breathed out a sigh. The next thing Wille knew, Simon had surged forward press his lips to Wille's. He left a short kiss there, then a longer one, the wet sound of their lips separating mixing in with a sniffle when he drew back. He remained in Wille's space, though, face hovering so close to Wille's, he could feel each warm breath brushing softly over his skin.

"Sorry", Simon mumbled after a moment, then, "I'm fine, really."

"You know you don't gotta be, right? If something's wrong—"

Simon silenced him with a shake of his head, leaning back enough to properly look at him. His cheeks were shimmering where the light from the screen hit the tear-soaked skin.

"I'm good", he insisted, one corner of his mouth pulling into a lopsided smile that looked shaky but genuine. Wille tried tentatively returning it.

"If you say so."

"It's just…" A pause, then he huffed a breath. When his eyes met Wille's afterward, there was an almost desperate look in them. "I really, really like you."

"Me, too", Wille answered without hesitation.

"I know."

Wille's chest flooded with relief at the breathy chuckle accompanying Simon's words.

"You're probably missing a great part of the movie for me," Simon added, nodding vaguely toward the screen.

"I don't care about the movie."

That got him another quiet laugh, tumbling out of Simon's mouth in a puff of air.

"Be brutally honest, why don't you."

"I mean, I like it. It's good. But I care about you, Simon."

Simon's lips closed at that, the teasing grin on them morphing into something a lot softer, gentler. His eyes flitted briefly across Wille's face, then he leaned in slowly this time to close the gap between them in a lingering kiss. When he pulled back, some of the twinkle in his eyes was back, making him look much more like the Simon Wille had gotten to know over the past couple of weeks.

"So, baby, huh?"

Wille's forehead scrunched up in response.

"It was the first thing that came to mind", he said, suppressing a groan at the heat he felt crawling up the back of his neck. "It's okay if you don't like it, I don't have to—"

"You can say it again", Simon cut him off, and to Wille's amusement, it sounded just a little bit too frantic to come off as indifferent as he'd clearly meant for it to. "If you want to. I mean, I don't mind."

"Simon?" Wille asked through twitching lips, watching with a sense of giddiness how Simon's expression turned just the tiniest bit pained. "Do you like it when I call you 'baby'?"

"Shut up", Simon told him, half-groaning.

"Really, baby? You want me to shut up, baby? But then I can't—"

He was cut off by a hand over his mouth, Simon giggling at his muffled noise of protest. They wrangled for a little bit, laughing more than the situation would probably have warranted, until their little playfight predictably ended with Wille's mouth on Simon's, and most of his body somehow sprawled across both him and the stupid armrest. They could go see the ending once the film would be officially released. And surely, Tove wouldn't reeeeally mind just a little bit of 'funny business', right?

+++

"So. You ready to hear the final verdict?"

Wille thought that the scoff he let out sounded rather convincing, despite the nagging curiosity at the back of his mind. It wasn't every day that his best friend was announcing her verdict after spending an entire evening with his… well, with Simon. And while he couldn't imagine anyone being less than enamored by him, he did know that Felice' s protective streak tended to run deep.

They were sitting on a blanket by the fire, watching as Simon, Henry and Maddie were somewhat badly throwing a frisbee to one another. Especially Maddie and Simon had hit it off quickly, bonding over obscure punk bands and something they called grunge that was supposedly getting big in the states. Henry, on the other hand, had been first excited to learn that Simon liked arcade games, and then appalled that he hadn't yet tried out the local one. If Wille had eavesdropped correctly, they were on for a hang before Simon's shift the following Tuesday. So there really was no reason for Wille to worry. Probably.

Trying to retain his outer calm, Wille raised his eyebrows at Felice, prompting her to continue. The knowing look she fixed him with in return made him wonder if maybe he hadn't been all that subtle after all.

"It's nothing bad, don't worry", she told him through a laugh. "God, you look like I'm about to kill your puppy."

"Funny. I don't have a puppy."

"No, but you have big fat feelings for Simon."

Wille was the one to let out a short laugh at that.

"That's not even your verdict. I told you about that myself."

"You didn't tell me he was just as bad, though. The way he looks at you when he thinks nobody's paying attention? Sickening."

"Don't be crazy." Wille tried his utmost to keep the proud blush off his cheeks, but he doubted he was succeeding. "He doesn't do that. He's… he's Simon."

"And Simon is so hopelessly in love with you, he can't even focus on anything else long enough to catch a freaking frisbee."

As if on cue, Wille caught Simon's gaze, watching the tiniest of smiles tug at his mouth before he quickly looked away again to belatedly dart after the frisbee Henry had just thrown in his general direction.

Returning his attention to Felice, Wille asked, "You're not just saying that to make me feel better about what a pathetic loser I am?"

The click of Felice's tongue somehow was both chiding and sympathetic.

"You know I wouldn't say that if I didn't think it was true", she told him, letting her gaze drift once more toward Simon before it returned to him. "After the way he treated you, I'd be the first to call you out on letting him take advantage of you. But come on. The guy rented out an entire movie theater for you."

"It was one room inside a movie theater. And he only had to pay for tickets and snacks."

"Yeah, because that's the important part here. Not that he convinced your boss to give up a whole room on a Friday night."

"He also talked her into letting us watch something that won't be out til next month", Wille admitted, feeling the familiar butterflies stretching their wings inside his stomach. "Because he thought it'd be 'up my alley'."

"Umm, hello?! Total dream guy behavior."

She let out a laugh at the grimace Wille pulled in her direction.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe he likes you?"

"I do think he likes me."

When he didn't say any more, Felice raised a single, expectant eyebrow at him. The sigh that escaped him had risen up from the very bottom of his chest.

"Look, Felice. If things were different, maybe I'd be wondering if it's more than that. But he's leaving at the end of summer. He's gonna go off to be a star and he's not gonna even remember me. And that's okay. I know what I signed up for."

It had almost come out without the horrible acidic feeling in his stomach this time, Wille was proud to register. The bitter taste in his mouth was still there, though, annoyingly so. He'd just have to keep repeating it until it stopped making him want to die. Simon was leaving, and Wille would be but a distant memory to him soon. And that was fine. They still had at least a month left until then.

The knowing sympathy on Felice's face wasn't exactly helping. Neither was her matter-of-fact tone when she said rather than asked, "You love him, though."

In response, he let out a long breath, staring down at his hands fidgeting in his lap for a moment. Then he looked back up to give her a helpless shrug.

"Oh, honey." Her hand came up to touch his arm, squeezing sympathetically. "Are you sure you should keep going like this for the rest of the summer?"

"It's fine", Wille said quickly, and hopefully abruptly enough to make her realize that there'd be no use trying to convince him otherwise. And really, instead of arguing, she merely squeezed his arm again and sent him a comforting smile.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm sure he's not gonna forget you. Big star or not."

"Thanks, Felice."

He couldn't really think of anything else to say, though judging from experience, Felice already got it anyway. It was moments like these where he felt deeply grateful to whatever higher power had put her in his life.

"Hey, Wille", Henry's voice carried over to them, followed by the very man himself walking toward them. "Lover boy's talking about going home. Think there's anything you can do about that?"

Wille rolled his eyes at the silly name, then they wandered to where Simon and Maddie were slowly making their way over to the fire, too, quietly talking among themselves. Simon seemed to sense his attention, looking over mid-sentence to throw him a wide smile. One of those that lit up his entire face and made him look even more devastatingly beautiful. Maybe leaving early with him wasn't that bad of an idea, actually.

"Sorry, dude", he told Henry, blatantly ignoring his pout. "I think I'm pretty beat, too, so…"

"Yeah right", Henry grumbled, but he didn't quite manage to suppress a grin when he told Wille. "Have fun resting."

+++

The walk from their bonfire spot to Simon's apartment building was surprisingly lovely, especially given the rather cool breeze. Then again, it wasn't that surprising at all, since all that the cold did was make Simon curl further into Wille's side.

They didn't talk much, content with simply basking in each other's proximity for the time being. Only once they were turning down Simon's street did Wille hear him take an audible breath, before he said, "Tonight was pretty good."

"Yeah? You had a good time?" Wille asked, cursing himself for the sudden flutter of nerves that made his voice come out a little too breathy.

Simon's affirmative hum was quick to soothe the worst of it again.

"Your friends are really cool. I can see why you like them."

"Well, they all really liked you, too."

"Mhmm", was all that Simon replied, though he sounded pleased. Wille was so busy watching his profile for any more input on how he felt about getting along with Wille's friends, he nearly stumbled over his own feet when Simon stopped abruptly.

"Well. This is me", he said, nodding toward the building Wille technically knew he lived in. When he wasn't too focused on staring, that was. Which was hard to do when here Simon was, biting his bottom lip like he was fighting some sort of inner battle. God, those lips. Was it completely inappropriate for Wille to lean down and replace Simon's teeth with his own?

Before he'd finished debating that question, Simon seemed to have come to a decision.

"Do you wanna come inside, maybe? I'm pretty sure my mum's home, but she won't bug us too much if I—"

"Yes!" Wille blurted out, only feeling the tiniest hint of embarrassment at his own eagerness. Especially when Simon's reaction was that adorable little giggle he only ever did when Wille did something to surprise him.

"Okay. Good."

With that, Simon lead the way, leaving a still somewhat overwhelmed Wille to hurry and catch up. He was about to meet Simon's mother. That was a big deal, right? Or was it? Was he even meeting her as Simon's… anything? Or maybe—

The door flew open and made his mental spiral screech to a halt before it even had the chance to fully escalate.

"Simon!" he heard exclaimed, then Simon's sister Sara came barreling toward them to pull Simon into a hug.

"You did it", she told his confused frown. "The letter came earlier today."

"The letter? What—"

That was when something seemed to click for Simon, and he repeated at a suddenly much higher pitch, "The letter? You mean I got in?"

"Here, read it yourself!"

With that, she produced a folded up piece of paper from the inside of her cardigan, extending it in Simon's direction. He blinked at her for one speechless second, then he practically ripped the paper out of her hand.

With an odd mixture of hope, pride and nausea, Wille watched him read in silence, watched as first his eyes and then his smile widened. Then, he seemed to come upon something that made the smile freeze on his lips.

"What is it?" Wille couldn't help it, he needed to know. If only to give his stomach something concrete to get upset about.

"I got in."

It was bizarre, the feeling of excitement Wille felt filling his chest even as a sharp pain split it in half. Simon was leaving. Simon's dreams were coming true.

"That's… amazing, Simon", he managed to say, most of him meaning exactly that.

"You're amazing", he added, only realizing after that Simon still wasn't smiling.

"There's an introductory course I have to take", he was saying now, sounding weirdly detached. Maybe he was in shock over the good news?

"So? You'll obviously kill at that, too", Wille said, channeling all the enthusiasm in his body. Maybe Simon was just nervous about the course. Or he couldn't quite believe his luck yet.

"No, Wille", he said at that moment, and now his words were coming out downright grave. "It's a pre-course. As in, before the actual term starts."

Wille tried to tone down the sudden overwhelming sense of dread welling up inside of him to ask, "What do you mean?"

Simon looked at him for what felt like an eternity, his eyes holding a mixture of anger and regret that made everything in Wille twist into tight knots. Then, he finally answered.

"It means this is it. I have to leave for Stockholm in a week."

Chapter Text

Wille woke up feeling like shit, his body tense and his head hurting like someone had taken a small hammer to it. There was also a faint sense of nausea that lingered around the edges of his stomach, despite him not having had more than two beers last night. It took him about one and a half glorious seconds to try and figure out what all that was about until he remembered.

Simon was leaving for Stockholm in six days. None of Wille's poor attempts at steeling himself for their inevitable goodbye had even vaguely prepared him for this. For the utter despair that had infested all his organs the moment he'd heard Simon say those words and was still making them feel unbearably heavy now. Heavy and twisted in on themselves, like they were telling him to curl up and hide, too. Like that was somehow gonna make the pain of losing Simon stop.

It wasn't fair. They were supposed to have all of summer, and now? They were barely even getting a week. That was if Simon even wanted to talk to him, still, after the cowardly exit he'd made last night. It had just all been so much, the pride and excitement on Simon's behalf, followed by the worst blow to his stomach Wille could remember ever receiving. And then there'd been Sara talking about how she'd take Saturday off to take the train down with him, and the prospect of meeting Simon's mum when he wasn't even currently capable of facing Simon himself without fear of bursting into tears. Or maybe, alternatively, puking up his guts onto the stone steps of Simon's stairway.

And so, he'd mumbled a lame excuse about it being late and him not wanting to encroach on their celebration, and he'd left without looking back, even as Simon had tried calling after him. It had felt like the only way to save this thing between them from imploding at the time. Now, he just felt majorly stupid. And, which wasn't helping, like a shitty, selfish coward.

Groaning, Wille rolled onto his side, pulling up the blanket until it covered most of his head. He was an asshole. Here he'd been talking big about making the best of their time and not letting the prospect of Simon leaving stop them. And yet, when faced with the reality of it all, he hadn't even made it through a single evening. Maybe Simon leaving was for the best. He deserved to be with someone less pathetic than Wille, someone who could actually keep his promises. Someone who, like Simon, wanted to make more out of his life, rather than choosing the coward's way and staying home with his parents and the same people he'd known since kindergarten. Someone who—

A knock on his door interrupted Wille's thoughts. It was followed by it slowly creaking open a sliver.

"You awake, Son?"

Begrudgingly, Wille pulled down the blanket far enough for his head to escape again, though not without using it first to muffle another groan. Upon turning around, he found his father's head poking in through the door opening.

"What is it, Dad?"

"There's someone here to see you."

Taking in Wille's skeptical expression, he opened the door a bit further to enter, pushing it nearly shut again behind himself.

"You might wanna get dressed for this", he said with a pointed look to where Wille's clothes from last night lay crumpled up on the floor next to his bed. "And maybe do something about that bed hair, too."

"Who wants to see me?" Wille asked, still more annoyed than anything. Could a guy not wallow in peace for five fucking minutes? It was ten in the morning on a Sunday, goddammit.

"Your boyfriend", his dad said entirely casually, clearly oblivious to the wave of conflicted feelings shooting through Wille at those words. What was Simon doing here? Had he come to check up on Wille after he'd left so abruptly last night? Or to say his final goodbyes, tell Wille he had no time for him anymore with everything left to prepare for Stockholm? Or maybe he'd come to tell him to fuck off if he couldn't handle a simple change of plans?

"Simon's here?" was what made it out of his mouth, at the same time as he sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

"I thought that might get you up and going", was all that his dad said, an infuriating smirk playing on his lips. "I told him to wait downstairs", he then added, already turning around to leave again.

He'd pulled the door closed behind himself before Wille could get out the panicked, "Wait" stuck at the back of his throat. Alone with the hundreds of questions swirling around his head, it took Wille a moment to move again. Then, some sort of switch flipped inside him and he was up and pulling on the first somewhat clean clothes he could find. He was halfway down the stairs when he remembered his dad's comment about his hair, quickly running his palms over it in an attempt to flatten the worst unruly strands.

To his surprise, there was no one in the hall when he got there. Surely, that was where Simon would've been waiting for him, right?

He got proven wrong when he made his way down the hall to the living room, entering it to find the very boy perched on the edge of the sofa, both hands curled around a glass of water he was balancing on his knee.

Upon Wille entering, his gaze flew up, instantly finding Wille's face.

"Hey", he said, lips spreading into a wobbly smile. "Your dad let me in. You didn't react to the pebbles I threw at your window, so I knocked on the door. I hope that's okay."

"He did?" Wille asked dumbly, the thought of his dad offering Simon something to drink making him feel weirdly touched, enough so to break through the anxious tension in his chest, however briefly.

"I mean—", he pivoted a moment later, realizing that Simon was probably expecting an answer. "Yes, yes of course that's okay."

"I wasn't sure if you'd wanna see me."

Simon got to his feet while speaking, but remained at the same distance, hands clenching at his sides now that he'd put down the glass on the coffee table. He looked nervous, more so than Wille thought he'd ever seen him. Even his voice sounded unusually shaky as he went on.

"I'd get it if after last night, you don't want anything to do with me anymore. I kinda made it seem like we'd have more time, and now I'm just up and leaving you like that."

"What?" was all that Wille could get himself to say. Because what on earth was making Simon think he'd done anything wrong?!

Clearly, Simon didn't interpret the question that way. If anything, he looked even more uncomfortable, his eyes dropping to somewhere around Wille's chest.

"It's fine, really", he mumbled, "I know it's probably no fun just watching me pack and all that. I just thought maybe we could still do something fun today. But that was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have—"

"No", Wille blurted out, cursing himself at his poor choice of words as he watched Simon flinch. "I mean, no, it's not stupid. At all. I'm glad you came here to ask!"

"But…?" Simon asked, and even now, he wasn't fully looking at Wille, instead staring at where Wille sincerely hoped he didn't have an old ketchup stain or something on the shirt he'd carelessly grabbed to pull over his head.

"No buts", he hurried to say, banning that worry to the very back of his mind. They had bigger things to care about than a potentially dirty shirt.

Gathering all of his courage, Wille said,"I'm just surprised that you would still wanna see me after I just ran off like that. I thought maybe you were here to tell me to go fuck myself."

Finally, Simon's eyes snapped up to his own.

"What? No. I'd never do that."

"You wouldn't?"

It probably was a bit embarrassing, the amount of hope Wille's question was drenched in. Simon didn't seem to think so, though. Instead, Wille watched his expression turn into something genuinely devastated.

"No! Wille, I always want to see you. And I'm not mad about you leaving."

"You're not?"

Okay, this inability of Wille's to contribute anything substantial to this conversation was getting ridiculous. Still, Simon didn't seem to find his silly parrotting annoying. The look in his eyes turned almost unbearably soft as he gently shook his head.

"No, I get it. It was a shitty situation for you. I was just worried you were mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you for following your dreams", Wille told him, a little offended at the mere insinuation.

"Oh. Good."

The small smile that Simon's lips spread into this time around felt much warmer and more real. Wille felt himself mirror it without being able to do anything about it.

"If we know we're not mad at each other," Simon said, the shadow of an old-familiar twinkle in his eye as he slowly came walking toward Wille across the carpeted floor, "I thought we could spend today as sort of our last day of freedom. Before you have to work again every day, and I have to prepare everything for the move."

"Yes. Please, let's do that", Wille found himself replying without a moment of hesitation. If the choice was between spending time with Simon and not spending time with him, it'd always be an easy decision. He could cope with the consequences of giving himself even more memories to dwell on later.

"What do you wanna do?"

Wille had only just finished asking this when he finally remembered skipping a couple of essential steps in his morning routine, pivoting once more.

"I mean, I should probably brush my teeth first. But then after that."

Simon's chuckle was like a spark to gasoline, his fingers toying with the hem of Wille's shirt enough to send his heart beating significantly faster.

"So no kissing yet, got it", he said, teasingly grinning up at Wille, who became aware at that moment that his mouth had fallen open somewhere along the way. He quickly snapped it shut, earning himself a twitch of the corners of Simon's mouth as he rolled his lips together.

"I didn't really think that far", Simon then said, apparently back to the question at hand. "Maybe we could go to the beach? Have a little picnic or something?"

"I like the picnic idea", Wille replied, pursing his lips in thought. "But Henry said he was going to the beach today. And, uh. I think I wanna be alone with you."

Somehow, Simon's expression turned impossibly softer at the admission.

"Yeah", he agreed, hand tugging on Wille's shirt a little as he moved almost imperceptibly closer. "I'd like that better, too."

Wille felt himself swallow, Simon's beautiful eyes on him somehow much more distracting than they had been just a moment ago.

"I, uh", he got out, forcing himself to focus. "I'd say we can hang out here, but my mum will be back from her book club in like an hour, so…"

"So how about we go somewhere without Henry or your mum or anyone else who knows us?"

Wille wasn't sure how he managed to even grasp the meaning of anything Simon was saying right now, given that his hands had come up to run up Wille's chest, the pressure of them warm and enticing through his shirt.

"Like where?" he whispered more than anything.

"Well", Simon whispered back, his mouth moving dangerously close to Wille's, considering he'd just said no kissing. "You've got a car. We could go anywhere we want to."

Wille managed no more than a hum in return. Screw coming up with a plan. Screw his dad potentially being in the next room. He had to lean in and—

"Damn", Simon said at that moment, laughing quietly as he leaned back a bit. "You weren't kidding about the morning breath."

Wille stared at him for a full second, then two. Then, a puff of laughter broke out of him.

"Wow. Way to shut a guy down."

"I'm not shutting you down, doofus. I'm saying go brush your teeth next time before you go talk to people."

In response, Wille pulled a grimace at him, earning himself another giggle and an eye roll.

Then, quicker than Wille could comprehend, Simon lifted onto his tiptoes to press a short but fierce kiss onto his closed lips. He was grinning upon pulling back.

"There. Now go. I'll be right here when you're done."

+++

They found the lake about two hours into their trip, a deep blue, secluded little paradise just off a forest road. Wille would probably have passed it without noticing, if it hadn't been for Simon's keen eye. Even now, sitting crosslegged on the blanket they'd spread out over the cool earth along the shore, watching Simon scarf down the last few bites of his sandwich, Wille couldn't quite believe they'd been lucky enough to stumble upon this place. One, because yes, the water glittering in the midday sun was indeed gorgeous, but also, and most prominently, because miraculously, there was no one else around. When he'd said he wanted to be alone with Simon, he hadn't thought he'd get this lucky.

The water wasn't the only beautiful thing around, either. As a matter of fact, no brilliant reflection had even the slightest candle to hold to the way the sunbeams caught in Simon's curls, how they caressed his cheeks and nose and jaw and wrapped around that beautiful, beautiful smile he was for some unfathomable reason directing at Wille, leaving the lines around his mouth with a magical glow. It had to be magic. How else could anyone have explained Wille's physical inability to look away?

"Catch", Simon said suddenly, leaving Wille virtually no time before he felt a grape bounce off the side of his chin.

"We're gonna have to practice that."

"You didn't give me any time", Wille protested, the words wrapped in silent laughter that was immediately reciprocated. "I would've gotten it if I'd known it was coming."

"Okay. Try again then. Three, two, one."

On the one, another grape came flying toward Wille, this one much too low for him to realistically catch it with his mouth. Nevertheless, Simon made a noise indicating he was far from impressed by Wille's skills.

"Oh come on, that wasn't a fair try", Wille argued, a thrill shooting through him at the challenge twinkling in Simon's eyes as he replied.

"Alright. I'll give you one last try."

Reaching into the little container between them, he raised his closed fist, lips twitching in an effort to remain a straight face.

"You ready? Three, two, catch!"

For a short moment, Wille thought he might be triumphant this time. But even as the grape he'd been diving for bounced off his upper row off teeth, several others hit his upper body in various spots.

"That was cheating!" he called out, his protest being mostly drowned out by Simon's laughter. "You sabotaged me!"

"Sucks to suck", Simon got out through his giggles, already reaching toward the container, probably for new ammo. No way Wille could let him have that. With very little coordination and even less grace, he lunged across the blanket, knocking the little green balls out off Simon's hand and making him topple over onto his side in an attempt to evade the attack. Before he could even attempt to sit back up, Wille was on him, fingers digging into wherever they could reach along his torso, making even more giggles erupt out of Simon as he tried to fend off the worst of the tickle attack.

"Stop it", he screeched at some point, just as Wille's fingers had wiggled their way beneath his armpit.

"Admit that you cheated", Wille demanded, earning a wild shake of Simon's head.

"Never!"

"Then you'll have to bear my wrath."

To Simon's credit, he held out for a good twenty seconds longer than Wille could've ever seen himself put up with. Only then did he finally gasp out his second, "Stop, please stop!"

"Will you admit that—"

"Fine, I cheated. You win. You're the greatest grape catcher ever."

"Finally you appreciate my tal—"

The rest of Wille's sentence got cut off by Simon grabbing his chin and pulling him down the last little bit to crash their lips together. Instant heat shot through Wille, coiling in the depths of his gut at the warm, wet feeling of Simon's mouth on his. He didn't know which of them moved, but the next thing he knew, Simon's groin was rubbing along his own, their movements a bit erratic at first, but quickly turning increasingly purposeful.

It should not have come as this much of a surprise to Wille, given the countless occasions they'd done something similar during his lunch breaks, and yet he still felt a gasp climb up his throat at the realization that Simon was hard against his hip crease. Not that he himself was faring any better, even just the smell of sunscreen and sweat mixing sweetly on Simon's neck was enough to send his head spinning irreversibly. His teeth nipped at Simon's throat, then his jaw, causing the most gorgeous moan to fall from his lips. Then Simon's hands were suddenly on his ass, squeezing, drawing him more firmly against him.

"Feel so good", Wille heard him mumble, then he'd turned his head to capture Wille's lips again, licking into his mouth before he switched tactics, taking Wille's bottom lip between his teeth and gently tugging. He only let go again when Wille's thumb brushed over his nipple, making Simon's entire body tremble beneath him as his mouth fell open in another moan. Wille took that as encouragement to repeat the movement, earning a similar reaction.

He was just about to reattach his mouth to Simon's beautiful neck when he felt Simon's palm slide off his ass, nestling into the tight space between them to push up against the prominent bulge beneath his shorts. This time it was Wille's moan that rang out into the quiet of the forest.

"Fuck, Simon. Feels amazing", he breathed out right after, nose grazing Simon's cheek as he tried to catch a sliver of composure again. He did not plan on cutting their trip short by staining the only pair of underwear he'd brought. It was also impossible to move away from Simon's touch, though, especially when he felt Simon's hand unbutton his jean shorts and slide right beneath the hem of his boxers.

How could he not let himself fall into Simon's heavenly touch? Who cared about clean boxers anyway? He'd just go without them. It'd be worth it, because god, Simon's fingers felt amazing wrapped around him, and he smelled so goddamn good it was seriously messing with Wille's head, and altogether, everything about this moment was utterly perfect. Except—

"Car. There's a car."

As if on command, Simon's hand stilled, which didn't really leave them in a less compromising position. Wille had no time to voice that thought when the car he'd heard approach them had already sped past, moving steadily away from them again.

"Shit, that was close."

Only once he felt Simon's body move in breathless laughter did Wille realize his unintended innuendo, burying his forehead in Simon's shoulder.

"Shut up, you know I meant the car."

He felt Simon's responding hum vibrate in his stomach in the most dangerous of ways.

"You sure about that?"

Simon punctuated the question with a well-placed curl of his wrist, chuckling knowingly at the instant reaction it got from Wille.

"You've gotta stop", he pleaded, more out of breath than he'd have liked. "Anyone can see us here."

"Mhmm."

Again, Simon's hum went all the way into Wille's bones.

"How about", Simon said, barely more than a hoarse whisper against Wille's cheek, "we go swimming?"

It was probably a stupid idea, reckless and designed to break every bit of Wille's resolve about not having sex in the middle of the woods. And yet he found himself absolutely powerless as he watched Simon take off all his clothes, then scrambled to do the same. The water felt cool against his thighs and stomach as he waded in behind Simon, a sharp but not unwelcome contrast to the burning heat that had taken over his insides. Nothing about this helped his situation, not the sight of Simon's bare ass, or the knowledge that he, just like Wille, was still mostly hard, or the way the water seemed to dance around his tan skin, lapping at it the way Wille wanted to be doing. But honestly? Being powerless had never felt this good before.

"You're staring", Simon told him once he stopped and turned around, deep enough into the lake for the water to be pooling around his lower ribs. His voice sounded both too low and too throaty for it to really come off playfully, despite the bit of water he splashed in Wille's direction.

Maybe that was why Wille, without moving his gaze for even a split-second, told him, "You're beautiful."

He watched in fascination as Simon's mouth fell open the tiniest bit, then as he closed it again, adam's apple bopping down and up once. It seemed like maybe he was looking for his words, set on telling Wille something in return. He never made it there, though, because Wille crossed the final few steps between them, taking Simon's face into his hands and reuniting their lips again. Simon melting into him felt every bit like coming home.

"Wille", he heard him gasp out between kisses, hands roaming across Wille's back like they couldn't quite decide where to focus on. "I want you."

"You have me", Wille answered without hesitation, hands moving down Simon's back and over his ass, grabbing the backs of his thighs to hoist him up onto Wille's hips beneath the surface of the water. "Always."

"Always", Simon repeated just as instantly, legs wrapping around Wille so naturally, like that was where they belonged. It was what he whispered to Wille minutes later, again and again as their respective climaxes sounded out into the openness of their little sanctuary. Maybe it was foolish, but Wille thought it sounded like a promise.

+++

To Wille's immense relief, their clothes did not get stolen. The super 8 camera, too, still lay untouched beneath the shirt he'd used to hastily cover it up. It allowed him to get the most gorgeous shot of Simon shaking out his wet curls, head breaking in and out of the golden sun behind him, water droplets flying far enough for one to land on Wille's lens and give the whole thing a slightly distorted look. Simon let out the most gorgeous laugh upon spotting him filming, and it was at that moment that Wille knew what he had to do.

All this footage documenting their summer together couldn't go unused and forgotten about. Even if Simon was the only person besides him to ever see it - it'd be worth the effort of cutting everything into a finished film. And maybe, a tiny, selfish voice at the back of his mind reminded him, that would be enough for Simon to remember him from time to time.

So Wille captured it all. Simon skipping ahead of him toward the car, Simon leaning in to steal some of Wille's ice cream at the little parlor they'd stopped at, Simon watching him across the car's hood, a slightly wistful expression on his face. Maybe Simon understood what he was doing, because he didn't once tease Wille like he usually would. Instead, he reached for the camera in the backseat while Wille was driving, fiddling with it for long enough to cause Wille to start getting nervous before he ultimately seemed to figure it out, directing the lens at him.

"You should be on this, too", he told him in response to his questioning look. "You're the best part of summer."

Wille did his best to swallow down the tears burning at the backs of his eyes.

They said their goodbyes at Simon's front door right in time for the oncoming sunset - and for Simon's mom to be home from her shift soon. When Wille fell into bed that night - after mostly managing to dodge his mother's questions about his whereabouts - he knew it had been a perfect last day together. The thought made him feel equally happy and sick.

+++

In the end, their actual goodbye went over way too quickly, between Wille having to head to work and Simon and Sara cutting it close for their bus. They kissed goodbye, promised to always keep their summer together in fond memory. Agreed that Simon would write once he'd settled in alright, though Wille promised himself he wouldn't be bitter if he didn't. Exchanged parting gifts to be opened once they were alone.

Then Simon got on the bus, and Wille in his car, and that was it. The love of Wille's life was gone, leaving him with the Prince t-shirt he'd worn on that very first day at Roxy. That night, he cried himself to sleep with it wrapped around his curled up frame.

Chapter Text

The letter came on a Thursday, three weeks into August. Wille might not even have spotted it within the heap of catalogues his mother had ordered, if someone hadn't made the effort of putting it right there, leaning against his cereal bowl when he entered the kitchen.

It had been almost a month without a single word from Simon, and Wille had finally reached the point of not checking the mailbox every morning, only to have his stomach reduced to a tightly twisted ball made of acid when the only things in there were bills for his parents and the occasional postcard from neighbors and family friends on vacation. Logically, he'd known that Simon might not write, especially not now, when everything around him must've been filled with new impressions and opportunities to chase. And still, as much as he wanted Simon to enjoy living the dream he so deserved to be living, it was harder than expected to not feel bitter, too.

His heartbeat stuttered all the more, therefore, when he spotted first his and then Simon's name on the envelope in scrawly handwriting. Up until this moment, he hadn't been aware that there was such a thing as feeling nauseous from excitement. Or maybe that was just the dread mixing in, nagging thoughts of the message inside not being what he'd secretly been hoping for. Because how likely was it for Simon to confess his undying love and tell Wille he'd be coming back to be with him? In a letter, too?

"Found something in the post for you", his dad's voice ripped him from the trance he'd been in the midst of falling into. "I told you he'd write."

He had told Wille that, indeed, in what had been a decidedly awkward, but somehow oddly comforting talk after Wille had shown up to breakfast with red-rimmed and puffy eyes for the third day in a row. He'd also told him there'd be others after Simon, though, and that he'd eventually get over him, so Wille hadn't really been too convinced of his wisdom. Which was leaving out the painfully bad metaphors about other fish in a big, big sea, and pots eventually finding their perfect lid.

Now, he was smirking at Wille from behind his coffee mug, way too casually upbeat for the havoc Wille's emotions were currently wreaking on his insides. It took considerable effort for Wille to pull his lips into something resembling a brief smile, then press out a strangled, "Thanks. I'll—"

He never finished his sentence, instead grabbing the envelope off the table like it was about to be engulfed by fire. Without even bothering to act like he himself wasn't about to burst into flames if he had to wait a minute longer to figure out what was in this letter, he strode out of the kitchen, half-jogging up the stairs to his room. Following a sudden instinct, he pushed up the window to the garage roof, climbing out to sink onto the warm slates, letter clutched to his chest.

His heart was still racing, his stomach churning worryingly around where his breakfast would usually be headed at this point. Still, he felt a bit better, knowing he'd be reading it here, in the place where they'd had their first kiss. Or well, their second one, but the first that had really mattered.

With slightly trembling fingers and breaths that were definitely coming out too quickly to be normal, he ripped open the envelope, unfolding the slightly crinkly paper inside.

Dear Wille, it said at the top, and Wille felt his heart squeeze at the nickname written in Simon's script. After that, he didn't consciously feel anything anymore, eyes flitting over the words that his brain tried to make sense of at the same time.

I thought about not writing, to make it easier on us both. I tried for a while, but the truth is, I miss talking to you. And then I watched your film last night, and I couldn't not write after that. Wille, it's spectacular. Yes, you could say I'm a bit biased. But even putting aside how much it meant to me, seeing our summer played back like that - you're insanely talented, Wille. I know fuck-all about lighting and camera angles and all that stuff, but you clearly do. You created magic. And no, shut up. It's not just because I'm a 'great subject' or whatever. It's YOU.

I know how much it means to you and your family, you taking over your dad's garage one day. And if that's what makes you happy, then that's wonderful. Just please, promise me you won't ever let that magic die, alright? It's special, just like you.

Anyway. I've been way too sappy already. I'm not gonna make this harder for us both now and go into how much I miss you. Just know that I do.

In other news, the pre-course has been really fun, and I've made a couple of friends who I think might stick around for the next few years. I hope you're enjoying the rest of summer with your friends, too. Say hi to them from me. Or don't, if that's too weird. Yeah, maybe forget about that.

I don't really know what else to write. Clearly, I'm not that great at this letter writing thing. But maybe I can get better at it, if that's something you'd want?

I hope I'll hear from you.

Love, Simon

+++

For the rest of the morning, it was like someone else was steering Wille, making him go through the motions of spooning cereal into his mouth, brushing his teeth, driving to work with his dad riding shotgun, all while the real Wille was floating above it all, watching on. Simon missed him. Simon had liked his film. Simon thought he was talented.

If Wille's dad noticed him being more quiet than usual, he didn't say anything. When they arrived at the garage, they got to work like they always did. Which, today, meant doing an oil change on a Volvo 740. As Wille watched the brown liquid drip into the drain pan, his mind was going over each of Simon's words for what must've been the fiftieth time at least.

'If that's what makes you happy, then that's wonderful', he'd written. Which was a lovely sentiment, except - was this supposed to be making Wille happy? Was that what his dad felt every day, fixing headlights and changing timing belts and getting his hands greasy?

He'd never thought to ask. Frankly, he'd never seen that as the goal, work being a thing that made him happy. It was the things around it that did that, his friends, and sometimes his parents, and goofing around with his camera, and getting to sneak into a movie from time to time, when Tove was in a good mood. And Simon. Simon had made him happy. Along with all of the other things, he'd made it bearable, spending forty hours of the week covered in engine fluid.

But Simon was gone now, and the thing Wille was left with was this - working at the garage all week, then seeing his friends once or twice over the weekend. Filming the same people in the same places doing the same things they'd always done. Magic, Simon had called it. It didn't feel like magic.

In fact, as he lay there frozen, watching the steady stream of oil slowly fill the drain pan, it felt a lot like any magic was being drained from him. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. He couldn't keep doing this for the rest of his life. He couldn't give up the rest of his life.

With his next breath, Wille felt his conscious finally returning to his body, a shiver running through him like he'd just been hit by a cool breeze after hours of lethargy spent in the sun. He finally felt his own legs again as they scrambled to allow him to roll out from underneath the car. There was a look of surprise on his dad's face as he sat up, the new filter he'd been about to hand Wille remaining in his hand as he withdrew it again.

"You okay, Son?"

And maybe this was not the best timing, or the greatest way to do it. But if his dad's behavior this summer had taught Wille anything, it was that he'd been grossly underestimating his ability to relate. Maybe this time, too, he'd be able to see where Wille was coming from? Either way, he had to take that risk.

"Dad, what if I don't want this?"

"You mean the oil change? Nobody likes doing those much."

"No." Wille tried to block out the growing concern on his dad's face and swallow down the lump of anxiety threatening to block his throat from speaking. "I mean all of this. Working here. Taking over the business. Staying here for the rest of my life."

His father watched him in silence for several long seconds. Then he started minutely shaking his head, letting out a sigh.

"I had a feeling something like this might be coming. Listen, Son. If this is about Simon leaving—"

"It's not", Wille interjected, feeling strangely proud as he added, "This isn't about Simon. It's about what I want to do."

"Okay", his dad said, dragging out the last syllable. He was still looking down at Wille, who used that moment to finally get up off the rolling board he'd been sitting on bringing them back to approximately the same height.

"What do you want to do?" his dad asked, not unkindly.

Still, the nervous butterflies in Wille's stomach were making him feel more than a little nauseous as he said, "I think I want to go to film school in Stockholm."

There was silence for a long moment, long enough for Wille's nerves to get the best of him and the speech center of his brain.

"I know that sounds a bit crazy", he blurted out, scrambling to keep his voice from tipping into pleading territory. "And maybe I end up being wrong about it. But I think I need to try."

After another silence that probably felt twice as long to Wille as it actually was, his dad gave a slow nod. Feeling slightly encouraged by the gesture, Wille continued.

"And I want to try being with Simon, too. I know that what we have is more than a summer fling. And I'm not ready to give up on it."

He was fairly sure his heart stopped beating for a full second when his dad surprised him by saying, "If that's what you want, then that's what you gotta do."

"You— Wait, really?"

The smile on his dad's face looked equal parts proud and sad.

"Look, I'm not gonna pretend like I wouldn't prefer to have you around here all the time. For the garage, too. A Dahlgren taking over Dahlgren's, you know?"

Wille nodded slowly, breath suspended as he waited for his dad to continue.

"But I'm not blind. It's obvious that this isn't what you love. I just wasn't aware the film thing was so important to you."

"To be fair, I never really told anyone much about that", Wille admitted, feeling relieved at the understanding smile that took over the lower half of his dad's face. Then, realizing that that wasn't quite true, he added, "Well, I kinda told Simon. And he didn't think it was crazy."

"Of course, he didn't." There was quiet laughter wrapped around his dad's words. "He's made to dream big, that boy."

Wille felt his own mouth move into an involuntary smile.

"He thinks I'm talented", he told his dad, trying unsuccessfully to keep down the pride in his voice. "It's what he wrote in his letter."

"Well, we're gonna see if he's right, aren't we?"

That made the smile drop off Wille's face.

"What? What do you mean?"

His dad's smile only widened in return.

"Well, I'm sure the professors at film school will be able to judge that much better than me, or the boy who's hopelessly in love with you."

Still not fully believing his ears, Wille asked almost breathlessly, "So you're saying I should really apply?"

"I'm saying get outta here and make sure you hand in the best damn application they've ever seen."

There was no stopping the giant, joyful grin taking over Wille's face. Before he knew what he was doing, he'd rushed forward to throw his arms around his dad, pressing his face into his shoulder.

"Thank you, Dad", he whispered, feeling his dad bring up his free hand a little clumsily to hug him back.

"Anytime, Son."

His dad's voice sounded a bit hoarse, and when Wille stepped back again, he thought he could spot some wetness at the corners of his eyes. He didn't have much time to dwell on it, though, since another thought popped into his head, effectively dampening the unbridled joy he'd been feeling.

"What about Mum, though? And what— What if I show up in Stockholm, and Simon doesn't want to be with me?"

"You let me worry about your mother", his dad told him, a knowing smile coloring his words. "And as for that boy of yours… well, you're gonna have to try and see, right?"

"Right", Wille said, his mind already speeding through several dozen possibilities of how he was gonna tell Simon, and ask him to be with him. It had to work, right? Simon must've felt it, too, that thing between them.

"You could write to him. You have his address", his dad was saying, even as the thoughts in Wille's head kept racing. What if whatever feelings Simon might've developed for him were already dwindling again? What if by the time Wille's letter made it to Stockholm, he wouldn't want him anymore? Or worse, what if Wille was wrong, and Simon had never truly had any deeper feelings for him at all, and his letter would forever stay unanswered, leaving him to slowly crumble under the agony of uncertainty?

No. He had to know, and he had to hear it in person. And well, his dad was right. He did have Simon's address now, thanks to the letter.

"I'm gonna drive to Stockholm."

His dad's mouth opened briefly, then it closed again as he clearly tried to think of a nice way to tell Wille he'd lost his marbles. Wille didn't give him the time to find one. Because yeah, maybe he was being crazy. But Simon had been right - love did make people do stupid things. Only in this case, the stupid thing might just be exactly what they both needed.

"Thanks, Dad!" he called over his shoulder as he hurried toward the exit. "I'll call you from the road."

+++

The drive was taking forever. Wille didn't know how long he'd been staring at white stripes on asphalt approaching and then blurring past him, the radio playing the same cassette for the umpteenth time. It didn't help that he'd only started from Luleå around noon yesterday, which meant adding an overnight stop at a tiny motel in Hudiksvall that called itself a bed and breakfast. Apart from the exhaustion slowly but surely taking over his body, he also figured that if he had to show up at Simon's place unannounced, he at least wasn't gonna do so in the middle of the night.

He'd passed on the breakfast part of the experience earlier this morning, the adrenaline in his blood enough to hold him over so far despite the barely handful hours of sleep he'd gotten throughout the night. There'd be time to eat later, once he'd confessed his love to Simon and hopefully received a favorable answer. Until then, it'd probably be best not to give his stomach the chance of rejecting whatever he tried to put in it.

The surge of nervous excitement he felt shooting through him as he finally took the exit toward central Stockholm confirmed that that had been a good strategy. Fuck, he was about to see Simon. And not only that. He was about to find out if they had a future or not.

After a brief detour caused by Wille's abhorrent map reading abilities, he finally parked the car in the driveway of the building Simon had listed on the letter as his return address. Then he sat there, engine off, still gripping the wheel.

Shit, shit, shit. He was really doing this. He was gonna walk up to Simon's door and ring the doorbell to his apartment, and Simon was gonna open and hopefully be happy to see him, rather than horrified.

With one last deep breath, Wille jolted into movement, opening the car door to exit and walk toward the front door in quick strides. Which was where his plan fell apart. Among the thirty-some doorbell signs, each next to its individual button, there wasn't a single one bearing Simon's last name. Instead, on about half of them, someone had scribbled several numbers that Wille assumed corresponded to the respective apartments. Which Simon hadn't included on the letter.

Closing his eyes and tipping back his head, Wille let out a groan. So he'd have to go through ringing every single fucking doorbell in this building until he got to Simon's. Sure, that wasn't gonna make the nausea worse. Which was leaving out the fact that that endeavor sounded about as unromantic as anything.

If only there was another way to find out which of the countless windows looking down at him was Simon's, maybe he could've taken a page out of his book and thrown some pebbles at it or something. Except how was he gonna ever figure out—

It was at that moment that the idea shot into his head, causing an almost hysterical laugh to fall from his lips. Could he really—?

Without giving himself time to finish that thought, Wille turned on his heels to stomp back to his car, ripping open the driver door. Maybe this was another stupid idea. But it felt much more like a grand gesture than the doorbell thing, and Simon had cried in the theater, right?

After reaching inside to shove the key into the ignition, Wille fumbled for the rewind button on the cassette player. He knew the song he was looking for had been on about ten minutes ago. The one they'd sung together on their way to Stockholm, loud and wrong and ridiculous. And really, as if by a miracle, the first bars to the intro began to sound out when he stopped to press play. Dubbing it destiny, Wille reached for the volume button, turning it up all the way. Then, car door still open, he positioned himself next to the hood, facing the wall of windows.

"Heart's gone astray", the all too familiar voice started singing, and Wille waited. The first window opened halfway through the first verse, an elderly man scowling down at him, making a hand gesture that was probably supposed to signal Wille to turn the goddamn volume down. He bravely ignored it. As the song progressed, several more faces appeared in the windows, some shaking their heads before moving away again, but one or two staying to watch. None of them were Simon's though. Except— back there, over all the way on the left, had that been dark curls disappearing behind a closing window?

They'd reached the second verse now, and Wille didn't think he could feel more agonizingly nervous. What if this wasn't gonna work? Would it mean that Simon wasn't home? Or that he'd heard the song, potentially even seen Wille, and decided not to come out? Diane hadn't come out in the scene, for god's sake. What had he been thinking trying to pull a grand gesture that hadn't even worked in a goddamn movie?!

Either way, he would wait. At least until the song was over. Hell, if there was any chance of being with Simon, he'd stand here playing the whole fucking tape, if need be.

"Open up your eyes, then you'll realize, here I stand with my everlasting love" the song declared for a second time, when Wille heard something that made him whirl around to face the door.

"Wille!" Simon called out again, and then he was running toward Wille, a disbelieving expression on his face.

"What are you doing here?" he shouted over the music once he'd stopped about two feet from Wille. And oh, right. Maybe now was a good time to turn down the volume.

Coming back from doing just that, Wille's eyes returned to Simon's instantly, finding them big and questioning and god, somehow more beautiful than he'd even remembered.

"I got your letter", he got out over his wildly beating heart.

"So you decided to answer in person?" Simon asked, and beneath all the confusion, Wille could hear a disbelieving smile in his tone.

"Something like that", he said, earning himself an incredulous headshake.

"I talked to my dad", he added, silently berating himself for not having practiced this part more in the twelve hours it had taken him to drive here. It was incredibly hard to focus when Simon was here, close enough to touch if he only dared reach out, giving all his undivided attention to Wille. Doing his utmost to still pull himself together, Wille continued speaking.

"I told him I'm not gonna take over for him. I'm applying to film school instead. He said I should go for it."

Simon's eyes grew even wider at that, before the shock on his face morphed into euphoria.

"Wille, that's amazing!"

Before Wille knew what was happening, Simon had pulled him into a fierce embrace that made them both stagger on their feet a bit. Before Wille could fully enjoy Simon's arms wrapped around his shoulders, Simon had stepped back again, confusion having mixed back into the excitement.

"Wait, when did you decide this?"

Wille felt his cheeks flush pink as he replied, "Uh, yesterday actually."

"And you decided to drive straight here because…?"

"Because", Wille said, and then he paused to give himself one last moment to look at Simon, curls wild and disheveled, staring up at Wille, deep brown eyes lit up with that same beautiful sparkle Wille never wanted to have to say goodbye to ever again. "Because I want to be with you. And I needed you to know that I love you."

Simon blinked up at him, his mouth having fallen slightly open. Was that a good sign? Wille honestly had no way of telling anymore. Not when his heart was currently beating out of his chest.

"I love you, Simon", he repeated, a breathless chuckle breaking free from the back of his throat at his own bravery. "And I'm gonna try and get into film school either way, but if you'll have m-"

He was interrupted by Simon's lips on his, Simon's arms wrapping so tightly around his neck, it caused Wille to stumble forward a bit. It didn't matter, because Simon was kissing him, and nothing else in the world was important. He brought his own arms up to wrap around Simon's waist, drawing him closer into his chest. Simon responded by finding the strands of hair at the back of Wille's nape to wrap his fingers around. When he ultimately drew back, it was only far enough for him to breathe out, "I love you, too. I'm so glad you came."

Then his mouth was on Wille's again, attacking it with a force Wille could relate incredibly well to. He, too, had missed Simon with a physical intensity which now poured into the way his fingers dug into the back of Simon's shirt, desperately pulling on it like it was gonna magically allow them to get closer than they already were.

"Wait", Simon gasped out suddenly, leaning back a little further than last time to properly face Wille. "So you're moving to Stockholm?"

"I am. I mean, I've gotta find an apartment first. And maybe a job, so I can afford to live there. And I also gotta figure out if the school still takes applications for this year. And—"

"We'll figure it out", Simon told him, and in all the time Wille had known him, he'd never sounded more certain about anything. "Together."

"Yeah?" Wille asked, voice suddenly much throatier than before, and full of hope.

"Yeah." Simon smiled back at him, expression so filled with affection, Wille's heart was threatening to burst. "Together."

This time when their lips met again, everything was right in the world.