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—-

The only sounds in Principal Park’s office are the tapping of his pen and the ticking of the old clock on the wall.

Saebyeok shuffles her feet. Nudges a dusty spot on the wooden floor with the toe of her converse. Her nose aches, the blood leaking an itchy trail down her chin. The various cuts and bruises littered across her body start to sting, the numbness of battle adrenaline finally beginning to wear off. She pointedly avoids the gaze of the boy on her left side. She doesn’t have to look to know he’s doing the same.

Principal Park scratches madly away at his notepad. The kind man is a little worse for wear today, his smile strained and his shoulders hunched nearly all the way up to his ears. His balding head glistens with sweat. A spark of guilt worms its way into Saebyeok’s chest. He’d have been home 30 minutes ago if not for them.“Mr. Park—“

The door barges open. The tall newcomer spots her immediately, getting to her in two long strides and sweeping her into his own lean chest making her “oof!” in surprise. Gihun crushes her ribs with his embrace. “Oh Saebyeok—”

The door opens again. A shorter man stalks towards the boy with a purpose. His brow is creased, his jaw clenched as he gathers the boy’s face in his hands. “Junho.”

“Saebyeok, I came as quick as I could—”

“Junho, are you hurt badly? Broken anything? Shall I take you to the—”

The men stop. Turn their heads at the same time towards each other in a movement almost comical with the repulsion. Gihun straightens his back, minutely taller. Hwang Inho doesn't twitch, his eyes only taking a poisonously dark shadow. 

“Gihun!” Principal Park stands from his desk, moving to embrace his friend. The spell is broken, and Gihun hugs back, albeit not nearly as warmly as usual. 

“Jungbae. What happened? I only just got the call, I was working down at the chicken shop. Something about a fight?” Saebyeok looks away. “A real actual fight? With fists and everything?”

“Yes. No serious harm was done, surprisingly. Just scrapes, bruises, you know. Kid stuff.”

Kid stuff . Saebyeok will be 18 in a few months. But that doesn’t matter to her. What matters is that Gihun is looking down at her with something she hasn’t seen from him since their earliest days in the factory together. He must notice her wilt. Immediately he turns his attention to the man across from him. “Inho.” He spits the word like a curse. Inho watches, utterly unaffected. 

“Gihun.” He doesn’t miss a beat. “Kindly tell this one to stop launching herself at anyone she deems has slighted her.”

“Tell your kid to stop fighting girls. He could’ve seriously hurt her, aren’t you ashamed? Though I shouldn’t be surprised. Cowardice runs in the family.”

“You—”

“Gentlemen!” Principal Park has a distinct redness to his round face now. If Saebyeok looks closely enough she can see steam coming out of his ears. “It’s a Friday. If you two are going to fight, can you at least do it somewhere else? Specifically somewhere not in my office?” 

“…I’m sorry Jungbae.”

“Come on, you know it’s poker night. I have to go get changed, Juna always gets mad at me when I’m late.”

“I’m sorry for all this, it won’t happen again—”

“See that it doesn’t.” Inho loudly speaks up. He spends one last scathing look at them before sweeping himself and Junho out the room. He slams the door on the way out. 

“Pompous asshole,” Gihun says as soon as he’s gone.

Jungbae whistles. “You know I hate to agree with you, but…”

“Who does he think he is, marching in here like he’s above us all? As if it’s not his fault his brother’s here because of him.”

“You know that’s what I’ve just been telling Geumja down at the cafeteria. Coming in here every time with that big ass coat and that big ass attitude, upper class pigs I’m telling you—”

“HEY!”

Saebyeok stops in her tracks and curses. Her attempts to sneak away have been thwarted. 

“Where do you think you’re going, young lady?” Gihun says. 

“The car.”

“Not without me you’re not. We need to have a talk .”

His tone dashes any last hope of Saebyeok’s to have a peaceful, resolved evening. She curls her fists in her pockets. Fuck. 

-

Her face is pressed against the window. It’s raining outside. She watches the droplets trail down the pane, wondering not for the first time what would happen if she gathered all her worldly possessions into a little bag and fucked off for good. 

“So,” Gihun says. She doesn’t humor him. He sighs heavily. “Come on, kid.”

“What do you want from me?”

“First of all, are you hurt anywhere? Broken bones?”

“My head kind of hurts. Maybe we should stop talking, that would help.”

“Did you start it this time?”

She doesn’t answer. It’s a confession on its own. Gihun groans. “Kid—”

“You weren’t there. He was being a bitch again, acting all smug because of his family and he was shit talking you–”

“We’ve talked about this before. That doesn’t mean you can just throw punches like it’s nothing. He could’ve hurt you.”

“But he didn’t.” Saebyeok thinks of the satisfying thump his face had made when she threw a textbook at it. She smirks. “He fights like a pussy.”

“He was holding back.”

“Whatever.”

Gihun turns into their neighborhood. They pull up to the driveway. Saebyeok can see the little outline of Cheol in the window, waving around something that could either be a toy airplane or a can opener. “This is, what, the second time this week?”

“I’m sorry.” Gihun makes a noise of disbelief. “I am. I don’t like causing trouble. You know me, I keep to myself. He’s the one being a dick.”

“Can’t you just ignore him? Three strikes and you’re out. Do you really want to face suspension?”

“No.”

“Then keep it together. Just for a few months, ok? Then for summer we can go somewhere nice. Anywhere you want.”

Jeju Island. Gihun seems to read her thoughts. Something shifts, and suddenly the world is a bit less dim. “You’re a good kid,” Gihun says, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Hang in there ok? You’ve made it this far. School year is almost over. Almost there.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t mind the extra work. But you refusing the rise to bait and keeping out of trouble would help a lot, you know?”

Saebyeok nods. She’s afraid for a second that Gihun will hug her. But he doesn’t, only reaching out to ruffle her hair. The door opens, and Cheol races out, a smile on his face. “Now come on. I’ve got leftovers from the restaurant. Your favorite kind.”

Green peppers and sweet sauce . She shoots up quicker than a flash of lightning, leaving Gihun’s laughter behind to greet her brother and a warm plate of fried chicken. 

—-

Saebyeok doesn’t actually hate highschool. 

She’s had education before, in the North. But that was a time when finding food for the day was far more important than learning the element table. She had no time to think about things like math and physics and language structure. But now here with Gihun, the opportunity presents itself tied up with a neat and pretty ribbon. 

She’d vehemently opposed it at first, despite his pleas. She was going to be so behind, she was going to hate being trapped in a building for hours in a day, and she hated teenagers. There were too many factors that would lead her decline, and if fighting for her life on the streets every single day wasn’t the worst thing she would ever go through, coming home crying after being bullied by classmates would be the top three. 

But once she started, she realized it wasn’t so bad. True, Ssangmun-Dong's Rehabilitation Center is not entirely without fault–the teachers nag, the food sucks, and most of the kids are awful. But the soccer team is great, despite her initial misgivings. And as long as Saebyeok keeps quiet, no one bothers her. Best of all, she doesn’t even sit alone at lunch anymore. 

“Woah,” Jiyeong whistles. “You look fucked up.”

Saebyeok smells her strawberry perfume before seeing the girl. She plops down next to Saebyeok, snapping in front of her face when she doesn’t immediately greet her. “Hey. You good? Can you even see through that shiner?”

“I can see.” Jiyeong’s wearing a different nose piercing than usual, a shiny stud instead of a ring. “I can see your face.”

“You’re welcome.” Then she laughs at Saebyeok’s deadpan expression. “So? Who was it this time? Namgyu came in a little messed up this morning so I thought it could be him. Then again maybe Thanos was just fucking him up again.”

The very perpetrator of her wounds walks into the room. Speak of the devil. Between the two of them Saebyeok bears the brunt of the damage, though the nail marks on Junho’s jawline gives Saebyeok indescribable satisfaction. Jiyeong follows her gaze. “Ah,” she says knowingly. “I should’ve known. There was that whole thing back in ‘21, right? Man, I still can’t believe he goes here now. He’s something of a legend to my aunt. She has all sorts of crazy conspiracies about the whole thing, she’s obsessed. Hey, should I call him over?”

“What?”

“Hey Junho! Over here!”

“ What ?”

Junho peeks at them over a page in his book. Immediately flips it back into place. He’s not unfriendly towards Jiyeong, since sometimes she treats the other band kids to snacks in the morning from her aunt’s bakery. But the presence of Saebyeok must ruffle him. She doesn’t care. Her stare doesn’t waver though his jumps from word to word in his novel with painfully fake nonchalance. 

“Hey Junho! Why did you beat up my friend?”

Saebyeok claps a hand over Jiyeong’s mouth. “Keep it down,” she hisses, ears burning. “And he did not beat me up. It was a mutual thing.”

Jiyeong peels her hand off. “Touchie. Sorry for erasing feminism, Miss Kang Saebyeok. Should I give you flowers?”

“Shut up.”

“You fake bitch, you’re smiling. Oh Miss Kang Saebyeok, empowering as she is beautiful, how can I stand to be in the same presence as one so great–”

The bell rings just as Saebyeok shoves Jiyeong. Jiyeong pouts as Mr. Im takes the stand. “It’s a shame. I actually need to talk to Junho. He has my sheet music.”

As Mr. Im drones on and on about economics, politics, and opinions that are definitely not allowed to be stated in a Grade 11 history class, Saebyeok reflects on her friend’s words. She doesn’t have many classes with Jiyeong this year, only truly being able to sit down and chat with her during lunch. She knows that band is fun. And something terribly akin to jealousy festers in her mind at the thought of Jiyeong laughing and making jokes for ears and eyes that are not hers. 

She’s grown abysmally attached to this strange girl with highlights and piercings. Things haven’t been the same since the day they met under her window. It had been summers ago, Saebyeok on her way home when it started raining. She’d stood under a building’s roof for protection only to look up and see a girl peering down at her. 

She said she had blankets and that it was a shame her guardians weren’t allowing any visitors at the time. So Saebyeok had scaled the wall, and the girl laughed, delighted, and introduced herself as Jiyeong. They’d got to talking. They went to the same school. They were in the same grade. She met her guardians sometime that week and they allowed her into their apartment through the door. Gihun was elated she’d finally started making friends. Saebyeok thought it was just another phase thing, a pretty popular girl taking interest in the scrawny quiet kid and treating them like a pet for however long she sees fit. 

But no. For some reason Jiyeong still sticks around. If presented with an opportunity to either spend time with the most popular kids in school or hang out in Saebyeok’s room, she’d choose Saebyeok. She doesn’t know why. But she’s not complaining. She smiles more. Comes home with a bounce to her step that even Cheol notices. She doesn’t know how Jiyeong did it, but she continues to do it this very day. Jiyeong is not an exception but a miracle, opening her up and laying her head in a tender spot in her chest that she herself didn’t even know existed. 

Jiyeong tosses her something across the desk. A bundle of origami flowers, folded hastily from what looks to be scrap paper from math and the scratchings of a wasted pink crayon. Flowers for Miss Saebyeok. Jiyeong shoots her a thumbs up. 

“Saebyeok!”

Saebyeok flinches, swiping the flowers into her lap. Im is glaring at her expectantly. She raises her eyebrows. He sighs like the world’s greatest inconvenience just plopped itself into his lap. “I said, can you repeat what was just stated?”

There’s writing on the board behind him, some gibberish about guns and cops. “The importance of weapons in police work,” she takes a wild guess. The anger on his face melts away. 

“Correct. Our prestigious police force carries out their duties effectively and daily with the assistance of firearms. I myself am friends with quite a few cops, very good men and women. Why Junho!” Junho’s dozing head snaps up. Everyone stares to look at him. “Your brother was a cop, wasn’t he? It’s such a shame he quit. A splendid man though…”

Junho looks like a deer in headlights. The class waits expectantly for his reaction to the mention of his brother. Junho just shrugs. “I guess.”

Saebyeok can’t help it. She snorts. 

Like a whip crack to the air, something shifts. Students, dozing just a minute ago, sit up straight. Now Junho looks at her. “Is there something you’d like to say, Saebyeok?” Im asks. 

“Yeah, actually. You’re crazy if you think cops are all good people. An organization that big and powerful can’t stay uncorrupted. You ever notice how people just disappear off the street? No one bats an eye. And for people who are supposed to be protecting us, they sure are doing a whole hell lot of nothing.”

“That’s generalization. These people risk their lives to protect the community, and you’re assuming all of them are bad because of a single hypothetical scandal?”

“No offense sir, but if you took a teaching job to fawn over cops you picked the wrong place to do it. This school is specifically for rehabilitation. That means drug use, trauma, harsh backgrounds. You think any of us have good experiences with cops?”

“Rehabilitation means fixing. It means we’re shaping you up to be normal, functional members of society. I want you to respect cops so you don’t end up antagonizing them and becoming degenerates in your future.”

“People aren’t automatically degenerates if a cop antagonizes them,” Junho inputs quietly. “Sir I know you mean well and Police aren’t all bad, but if you don’t agree with generalization then you can’t say every person they apprehend is bad either.”

Saebyeok is surprised. So is everyone else. Thanos raises his hand. “A cop tased me once for peeing on his car.”

“No one asked,” Semi says the same time as Mina says, “You deserved it.”

“It's important to be aware of the flaws in the system. If you blindly trust them then that makes it so much worse when they mess up. Maybe one day you'll need them...but they won't show up until it's too late. That's the reality for so many people already.”

“You’re one to talk." The words fall out before Saebyeok can stop them. “‘Not all cops are bad,’ you said. I bet you were talking about your brother. So was I.”

Junho reels on her like he’s been waiting for the opportunity. “There’s a reason Mr Im brought up degenerates while talking to you." His eyes glint when she tenses. "I saw Seong Gihun at the station one time. 100 million won in debt, cracked out of his mind and begging for a second chance. ‘Don’t turn out like that one,’ the chief said to me. He told me his little daughter flew to the states with her mother to avoid being with him. Looks like they forgot one.”

“You watch your fucking tone.”

“You want another black eye?”

“You want another cool scratch mark? Maybe Kang Daeho will finally fuck you.”

Neither lunge. They’ve learned their lesson from last Friday, but they’re locked in a brutal staring match neither dare to part from. The oohs and ahhs from the class are white noise to Saebyeok as her eyes water and her pulse thrums madly. Im is saying something. Maybe he’s telling them to cool it. Maybe he’s calling the office. She doesn’t care. 

Something heavy slaps across her desk, making her flinch. Jiyeong is holding a ruler. “Saebyeok,” she says tensely. She’s worried. Or furious. Or disgusted. 

“Children!” Im roars. “I will not tolerate disruption. Quiet down now or I will have to report this.”

It seems the disturbance caused by the hoots of the others have distracted him from dropping the two of them in the office and shipping them off for good. Saebyeok settles back in her seat robotically. TV-like static buzzes in her ear, but she’s satisfied. No matter what background he comes from or what he says, Hwang Junho continues to slum it down here with the underlings. He can’t win here. 

Jiyeong squeezes her wrist. You good?

She squeezes back, the pressure in her chest alleviating. I’m fine.  

—-

Kang Daeho is a tall, muscular 20 something who runs after wayward dodgeballs like a puppy and blows the whistle when no one pays heed to Deoksu’s barked orders. They say he dropped out of highschool early on to join the military. But he’s kind and smiles a lot, and he always gives the girls chocolates from his pockets. The older boys love him, and Jungbae positively dotes on him. 

Junho’s always hanging around him during PE. Daeho doesn’t seem to mind. They talk together animatedly like two parrots, moving their hands and discussing things with a fervency that makes everyone else stare. 

“You know what I think?” Mina bounces a red ball on her clasped hands, cursing when it veers sideways. She sends a side eye to where Junho and Daeho converse in the corner like they’d somehow sent a magical spell of clumsiness her way. “I think he has daddy issues. Or brother issues, whatever. Since Officer Inho fucked up so majorly, now he seeks attention from older boys to replace what he doesn’t get back at home.” She pouts her glossed lips. “Or maybe he’s just a faggot.”

Saebyeok curls in herself ever so slightly. That rumor has been around as long as he has, but their little spat yesterday definitely fanned some flames. “Whatever.”

“I mean, my dad is super weird about that kind of stuff, but I’m not. Do whatever you want. Oh that reminds me. Do you know if Jiyeong is seeing anyone? Thanos wants to see if she’d like to go with him to that carnival thing that’s coming by this weekend.”

“I thought you and Thanos were together.”

Mina scoffs, fingering a braid in her hair. “That prick? He keeps trying to touch me. Ew. I told him take that energy somewhere else, so he stole my vape and threatened to tell my parents. Asshole.”

“...Then why do you stick around him?”

“Because Semi’s taken that little hamster Minsu under her wing and I’m not ditching her just because the guy who hangs around them is a dick. And you didn’t answer my question. Does she have a boyfriend or not?”

No. She doesn’t. The thought of such a ludicrous idea makes Saebyeok want to laugh, such an issue never even crossing her mind. “Of course not. And if she did it wouldn’t be fucking Choi Subong. Her standards aren’t shit like the other girls at this school. No offense.”

“Well I’m saving her a conversation with him by telling you to tell her. Just get her to text him her answer, ok? Ask her at lunch.”

Deoksu throws a volleyball at their heads, one they only barely dodge. “LADIES! IF YOU’RE NOT PLAYING LIKE THE REST OF US THEN GET TO WALKING!”

They flee to join where Semi and Minsu stroll around the court. Minsu offers them a meek wave. Mina looks at him with mannerisms only comparable to being forced to lick a dead possum.  

-

Jiyeong isn’t at lunch. Or at history the next period, and Saebyeok begins to worry. Even on the rare days her friend isn’t at school, she always texts her about it first. She hasn’t heard from her all day. After school, in the locker room throwing her soccer jersey on, her mind begins to wander to every terrible possible event that could’ve happened. A car crash. Her father coming back. Maybe she was kidnapped . 

As they scrimmage before the game, Saebyeok misses two shots and Coach Minyeo screams at her to get it together. Hyunju takes pity on her halfway through and sends her to the bench for a water break. Saebyeok’s fuming by the time the other team arrives. Everything is off. 

Well intensity is better than nothing at all. She’s starter today, from her place on the right wing. The whistle blows and she’s off. She’s halfway down the line all by herself before offense catches up with her, thwarted by an enormous girl with freckles who boots her ball down the field. 

“Watch 067,” the girl shouts to her teammate, casting her a wary glare. The stands are fuller than usual today. Saebyeok can hear Cheol’s cheering and spots him quickly, his red shirt a blazen flag in the crowd. She spares a wave at him before darting off. 

It’s a hot day. Both sides are drained by halftime, sweaty, gross and humid. Saebyeok checks on the scoreboard after collapsing on the bench. They’re losing by two points. 

Minyeo wrings a wet towel like she wishes it were the necks of the girls. Despite not doing anything but shrieking and waving her arms around for the past 40 minutes, she’s shinier than any of the players. “What is WRONG with you little rats?”

Hyunju jogs up. “Good job girls. That catch by Noel was wonderful. Junhee, remember to stay on your side–”

“I didn’t leave my hometown and a promising future in economics to come coach a bunch of skinny little losers who can’t even pass. What happened to passing ?”

Saebyeok tunes her out. Instead, she watches the stands once more, specifically where Cheol and Gihun sit, their own little cheering team of two. Her brother catches her eye and beams like the sun. She rolls her eyes at Gihun’s positively cheesing smile, ignoring the fuzziness in her chest.

“Saebyeok!”

The new voice comes from behind her. It’s not Gihun’s. 

“Saebyeok!” Jiyeong shouts at her. She’s wearing a black leather jacket and a pink blouse. Her hair is curled. Saebyeok jogs over to her, a smile tugging on her cheeks. 

“You came.” She’s winded.

“Of course I did.”

“Why weren’t you at school earlier? You didn’t even text me.”

“My car crashed down. And I lost my phone. It’s been a terrible day, Saeybeok, and this game is just the cherry on top.”

“I’ll make a comeback.”

“You’d better.”

Then Saebyeok notices him. Sitting two seats down from her, not even bothering to hide his glare. “What’s he doing here?” she says shortly. 

Jiyeong squirms in her seat, uncomfortable all of the sudden. “I told you my car crashed. And he owes me one.”

“You stab too much,” Junho says. “You need to be lighter on your feet. That’s why you missed that last shot.”

“Suck my dick,” Saebyeok says on instinct. A harsh puff of wind blows past them, making her hair fly in her face. She curses, whipping it back. Amusement dances in Junho’s expression. “Or maybe that’s why you missed.”

“He’s right. Why’s your hair down?” Jiyeong interjects before she can answer. 

“I forgot my hair tie. I was in a rush and I–”

Jiyeong gestures for her to get closer. Saebyeok obeys, standing on the toes of her cleats to reach across the fence of the bleachers. Jiyeong bunches her short hair into her hands, taking a pink hair tie off her wrist and binding it up into a ponytail. Her touch is cool. The smell of strawberries mixes with her own sweat, making Saebyeok feel mortifyingly hideous. The sun hits them at an angle making Jiyeong's nose piercing sparkle. Her eyes sparkle too. 

“I gave you my lucky one. You’d better win,” Jiyeong says. Saebyeok’s tongue is stuck to the roof of her mouth. 

“Uh.”

“You have 20 seconds left of halftime.”

Saebyeok jerks, giving a stupid nod of thanks as she jogs back to her team. Jiyeong smiles. The image of it stays in her mind even as Minyeo scolds her for missing her pep talk and shoves her onto the field. 

The freckled girl is by far the most intimidating player on the other team. She’s single handedly thwarted five attempts at a goal all by herself by now, and Saebyeok is ready to throw hands in retaliation. She makes eye contact with Junhee over her head. Saebyeok darts to the side with the ball, a distraction. The line goes after her as expected and just when the freckled girl is nipping at her heels she kicks the ball over to Junhee. It’s a perfect shot. She gets it right in the corner. 

The goal shoots their spirits up like a rocket. Saebyeok claps Junhee on the back and they go back to starting. Against her will, Saebyeok searches the faces in the crowd for Jiyeong. She’s talking to Junho. Her eyes are bright, and she smiles as she speaks. 

The ref whistles. A girl on the other team takes the ball down the field and Saebyeok doesn’t hesitate. She lunges.

The ball bounces off the other girl’s knee, sending her flying. Outrage pours from the soccer moms and the whistle blows and suddenly she’s being pulled away as Minyeo scurries to sweet talk the ref into allowing her to stay on the field. The girl is fine, but she sends a dirty look at Saebyeok’s way. She returns the favor. 

Hyunju calls over to her from the benches “Stay in your lane, Kang!” as Minyeo winks at her on her way back to her seat, looking not very displeased about the use of violence. Whatever bribing method she used must have worked because no coaches come to flag Saebyeok with a yellow card. It’s a close call. Junho is probably laughing at her with Jiyeong right now. Her cheeks burn. 

Neither team score a point the next 20 minutes. The goal is an affront to the other team, redoubling their efforts to keep Saebyeok and the other offense away. But Semi’s line of defense holds true, and no one gets by them either. It’s a stalemate. They start to flag. 

A minute left. It’s the freckled girl’s shot. It’s over in her eyes, smirking and toying with the ball. She moves to lazily strike and Saebyeok instinctively steps forward–

She stops. Junho is not the first person to criticize her tendency to dart for the ball. Hyunju has taken her through many drills to overcome this unfortunate habit, though Saebyeok doesn’t even see it as a bad thing. She’s fast. She’s strong. It’s not her fault that when she sees an opening she takes it, no matter how risky it is. 

But right now, she knows there’s an opposing player behind her on her left, calling to her teammate. So Saebyeok forces herself to wait. At the last possible second, freckles passes to her teammate. 

Too slow. 

Saebyeok jumps in and boots it. A resurgence of energy fills the crowd and they redouble their cheering. If Saebyeok listens she can hear her little brother howling nonsensical soccer terms he only knows from Gihun. Junhee is on the left, calling for her to pass. But they both know they can’t–that would be offsides. It’s all up to Saebyeok now. 

The goalie stands ready, wide-eyed, her defense far too ahead to catch up. Saebyeok shoots the ball. 

It richochetes off the back of the net from the force of her kick. The scoreboard beeps. The ref whistles. Junhee throws herself at Saebyeok and soon she’s joined by Semi, then Noeul, then Minyeo’s bowling them all over with strength inconceivable for a woman her age and size, and Hyunju nearly scoops them all up with her own arms. 

Gihun beams at her proudly. He’s letting Cheol hold the phone to record, but the boy’s jumping up and down, making the footage shake to an unsalvageable amount. As soon as the lineup is over and Minyeo finished with her manic congrats speech, she joins them. Gihun tosses her a fresh bottle of water.

“You killed it out there, kiddo.” He’s grinning like a fool. 

“Hell yeah.” Saebyeok empties the entire bottle on her head. Cheol hugs her, uncaring for the sweat coating her. He’s tall enough to reach her chest now. 

“I saw your goal,” he says. She pets his hair. 

“Was it cool? You thinking of joining your own soccer team?”

“I’m not nearly as strong as you.”

“Maybe one day, hm? I’ll be your personal coach, how about that?”

Cheol giggles. Jiyeong races over, dragging Junho with her like a dog. “Kang Saebyeok, you have redeemed yourself.”

“Good to know.”

“That was amazing. I think I’m going to have dreams of that moment. Oh hi Mr. Seong!” 

Gihun raises a hand. Then tenses when he notices Junho. Neither have forgotten how he basically called him the equivalent of a disgraced fucking coward bastard the last time they’d met. The only oblivious one to the tension is Jiyeong, who tucks a greasy bang of Saebyeok’s behind her hair. “You’ve ruined my hair tie for good.”

“My bad.”

“It’s fine. You deserve it after today. Consider it your reward.”

“Wow. I’m honored. How will I ever repay you?”

Jiyeong shoves her in the chest. “Take me out for a sundae. Let’s go Mr. Seong, she won today! You promised after last time, remember?”

Cheol joins in on her pleading. They grovel and flatter until Gihun relents with a laugh. “Alright then, get in the car.” Cheol scurries off. “Jiyeong, your guardians won’t mind? Do you need a ride back to your place after we’re done?”

“Oh yes please. My stupid car gave up on me, and Junho was the one who had to–”

She stops. The group is suddenly hit with uncomfortable silence. “Did he now?” Gihun says politely. “Well that was very kind of him.”

“He owed me a favor.”

Gihun turns to the boy. “Would you.” He sounds like he’s getting his teeth pulled. “Like to join us, Junho? We’re just going to get a little snack down the street.”

Junho is equally discomfited, but he hides it splendidly well under a mask of cool politeness. It’s moments like this when Inho’s influence on him is evident. “No thanks. My br–they’ll be waiting for me back at home. I wasn’t even supposed to come here.”

“Well thanks for the lift, big boy.” Jiyeong thumps his chest, making him flinch. “Couldn’t miss out on Saebyeok’s big day. You’re officially off the hook.”

“Good to know,” he replies drily. He turns his attention to Saebyeok. “You listened to what I said,” he says. 

“Don’t credit yourself. I was going to do that with or without your advice.”

“Still. That fake out was impressive.”

Saebyeok doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, he turns around to leave before she has to answer. He waves at Jiyeong and then he’s gone. 

“Was he bothering you again?” Gihun asks sharply. Saebyeok rolls her eyes and heads off to the car. 

-

He’s still rambling when they settle down at the park, ice creams in hand. “–still had the audacity to call me pathetic as if he wasn’t working for the most corrupt organization in the entirety of South Korea! And he couldn’t even stick with them in the end, he testified against them in court like some kind of two-faced dog. I don’t know how he can still show his face around these parts–”

“Thanos is asking you out,” Saebyeok says to Jiyeong as he continues his rant. Jiyeong spits out her boba. 

“What?” she splutters as Cheol thumps her on the back, cheeks and hands covered in chocolate sauce. “That’s–I don’t even–”

“I know, right? That’s what I told Mina. Crazy stuff. Anyway, I’ll tell her you said no.”

“No wait! That actually that sounds interesting.”

Saebyeok nearly drops her cone. 

“I mean think about it. Him? And me? Oh my god, the whole school would talk. We’d be such a power couple.”

“You’re joking. Choi Subong, underground rapper and druggie, you want to shack it out with him ?”

“Oh come on Saebyeok, not like that. Just think about it. I’ve always wanted to study that man. And think of all the crazy stuff I could get him to hook me up with–joking, I’m joking,” she adds hastily when Saebyeok shoots her a look .

“So…you’re actually going to do it? Go out with him?”

“Depends. Where would we go?”

Saebyeok feels faint. “The carnival. The one that’s coming around town in a week.”

“Hell yeah. I’ve been wanting to go. And he’s, like, super duper rich, I could get him to pay for everything.”

Saebyeok is going to vomit. Gihun has stopped his incessant muttering, instead choosing to stare off into the distance, a cigarette clasped between his teeth. His hand strays to his breast pocket where Saebyeok knows a certain pair of glasses lie invariably. 

Jiyeong squints at her. “Hey, you good?”

“Yeah.” No. 

“This isn’t the end of the world. I’m not going to be his girlfriend or whatever, I just want to see what it’s like.” She slurps her drink. “Besides. I’m not going anywhere with him without you by my side.”

Saebyeok’s heart thrums madly. “Really?”

“Yeah. Come with me to the carnival. We can write about him for our psychology paper.”

Saebyeok laughs. Then silently curses herself for giving in so easily. Jiyeong puts her hand on her thigh and they finish their drinks in silence, the smell of sugar, Jiyeong’s strawberry scent, and Gihun’s smoke engulfing Saebyeok in a sweet hazy wave of comfort and warmth. 

—-

The days pass. Thanos begins serenading Jiyeong in the hallways with terrible freestyles as Gyeonsu beatboxes in the background. Minsu hands her love letters written by him during lunch. Jiyeong thinks they’re hilarious. They make Saebyeok want to take a hammer to the little guy. 

The week of the carnival comes up and Saebyeok begins to panic. She rarely hangs out with kids her age. Hasn’t ever, actually, only starting to just a few years ago, and since then it’s only ever been Jiyeong. She can’t talk to boys. The thought of holding a conversation with Namgyu or Thanos makes her positively queasy. What should she wear? What should she say?

In the end, she waits by the curb of their house in jeans and the biggest t-shirt she can find, picking at her fingers anxiously. Then, to her abject dismay, an all too familiar car rolls up. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jiyeong pokes her head out the window of the passenger’s seat. “Your carriage awaits, my lady!”

“What the hell Jiyeong, I thought you were done with him!”

Junho honks her from behind the wheel. “I can hear you, you know.” 

“The cheap mechanic I found is taking his sweet time. Come on, this is the best next thing. He doesn’t even talk much.”

“I can still hear you!”

Saebyeok hops aboard. The inside of the car is nicer than Gihun’s, crumbless and unmarkered by 10 year old little brothers. The seats are a rich black leather, and there are clear cupholders on the walls clearly meant for wine bottles and the like. Rich people . “I thought he was off the hook.” She slams the door. 

Junho presses the lock button with unnecessary aggression. “So did I.”

“Well it turns out he’s not. And he doesn’t even mind, a lot of kids from school are going tonight. It’s Friday after all.”

How long have they been sitting together alone in this car? Have they been talking? It looks so wrong for Jiyeong to be up there with him. She has never been an outsider to one of Jiyeong’s relationships before. 

Jiyeong chatters incessantly the entire ride there, not seeming to care that neither of her audience members are returning her energy, high off the night and a promise of a good time. She’s got a date after all, Saebyeok thinks bitterly. Then she wants to slap herself for it. 

It’s in full swing by the time they arrive in the parking lot. Thanos’s squad is waiting for them down at the brightly-lit entrance, standing out like a sore thumb with their signature flashy outfits and Thanos’s violently purple hair. As soon as Jiyeong steps down, he dances over to her. 

“You look beautiful, Señorita,” he says in genuine awe. He’s right. Saebyeok couldn’t get a proper look at Jiyeong in the car, but she’s gorgeous tonight. Her brown hair is tied in a short braid, her earrings long and dangling and her jacket matching splendidly with her black boots. 

He’s high already, the irises of his eyes rivaling the very darkness of the setting sky. “You look great too,” Jiyeong says, barely suppressing a manic smile. It’s a sinful lie. He’s wearing literally the same exact teal jumpsuit he always wears to school, except this time with a gold chain slung around his neck. He nods, evidently very proud of himself.

“A beautiful girl and a beautiful boy. We were meant to be.” He kisses her hand. She giggles madly, shooting a “are-you-fucking-seeing-this” glance at Saebyeok. She tries to return it. He takes her hand and dashes off like a little kid. His friends follow after. Saebyeok is soon left alone with Junho. 

She should follow them, she knows. Her feet don’t move. “So–”

“Junho!”

A man jogs over, ponytail bobbing, wearing a burgundy sweater with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He’s grinning. “There you are, I thought you said we would meet near the docks! Hi Saebyeok!”

“Hi,” Sabyeok says faintly. Junho’s flushed bright red, avoiding her eye contact. She doesn’t miss the way Daeho’s hand wraps gently around his wrist as he pulls him away with a “come on!” and the way he hunches in on himself. Saebyeok remembers her words to him in history class. Wretched shame curls in her stomach. They whisk away.

Left with nothing else to do, Saebyeok tails behind the hooting and hollering of Thanos’s squad, feeling more and more miserable with every passing second. 

-

Thanos, unfortunately, is a very impressive man. He wins four prizes for Jiyeong before it even hits 9 o clock through the kid game stands, doing especially impressive work with the spinning top. He adorns her with flower crowns and fake jewelry, shoving an enormous stuffed bear into arms. She’s pleased and doesn’t even hide it, laughing along with every stupid joke he makes and accepting her gifts. Semi and Mina bicker about something trivial as they walk along, Minsu clinging to Semi’s arm. Gyeongsu bobs his head to every word like those stupid figurines Cheol likes to collect. Namgyu is positively sullen. 

He points to Saebyeok’s shirt. “Do you even know who that is?”

It’s a band shirt, one she stole from Gihun’s closet. She’s heard a song or two from them. She shrugs. Namgyu rolls his eyes at her. 

It’s a beautiful setting, the lights flashing and colored and the sounds of delighted children and food and rides ringing through the night air. It’s slightly cold. Saebyeok’s arms prickle and she longs for her military jacket back home. Thanos drops his tracksuit jacket over Jiyeong’s shoulders and Saebyeok tries not to wither at the sight. 

Cheol would love this place. She wishes she came with him instead of Jiyeong. It’s a sour thought and desperately unfair, but she can’t help it. Jiyeong is way too happy being around these people–these strangers. It’s terrible of Saebyeok to feel such painful anger at the sight, but she can’t help it. She doesn’t care that this is a joke. She’s read enough stories and Jiyeong has told her enough about those dramas she so loves to watch to know where this could go. Thanos is rich. Charming. He’s handsome too, more handsome than the average man or even Saebyeok herself, and their partnership wouldn’t exactly be such a wild thing to happen.  

It occurs to her that they’ve known each other longer than she and Jiyeong have. This is only her second year at this school, Thanos and Jiyeong are neighbours and had their first year of highschool together. Thanos is not the stranger here. Saebyeok is. 

The pretzel she’d bought 20 minutes ago grows cold. She’d meant to give it to Jiyeong, but Jiyeong is busy. 

“Let’s ride the ferris wheel!” Jiyeong suggests. 

“Great idea babygirl,” Thanos slurs. “We can share a seat. And a seatbelt.” He burps then makes his idea of a charming face. 

“You go ahead.” Mina’s face is red from her argument with Semi, her lipstick smeared. “Semi can ride with Minsu. Get real cozy with each other. I’m going home.”

Semi groans. “Mina, come on–” But she’s already gone, stormed off in a clack of heels. Minsu watches her go timidly. 

Namgyu scoffs. “Emotional bitch. Come on Thanos, we can ride together.”

But Thanos is ignoring him, buying him and Jiyeong a ticket. They mount a purple seat. Thanos fastens Jiyeong’s safety harness for her. With a soft curse, Semi follows Mina, Minsu scurrying close behind. The gang dissipates. 

“I’ll go with you!” Gyeongsu volunteers at Namgyu. Namgyu flips him off and slouches off to a bench like a rat scorned from the kitchen. Undeterred, Gyeongsu buys himself a seat, kicking his legs and waving as he ascends. Saebyeok watches him go up. 

“Fucking retard,” Namgyu mutters. 

Saebyeok raises her eyebrows. “You talk like that to your friends?”

“He’s not my friend. And neither are you, so shut up.”

“Bold talk for the guy who got ditched by his own weed boyfriend. At least Gyeongsu’s enjoying himself.”

Namgyu sneers. “Like you’re so different. It took one look from Thanos to make her his bitch, and she left you out to dry. How does it feel?”

He’s wrong on so many levels. Saebyeok’s first instinct is to throttle him for calling Jiyeong a bitch, but she restrains herself. She forces herself to remember Gihun’s words. She turns around to walk away. 

“Cowardly bitch,” Namgyu calls after her. He’s high too, stinking of weed and abandonment and hurt feelings. Looking for a fight. And if he can’t find one, he’ll make one. “You think you’re so tough, swaggering in here with boy’s clothes and throwing around attitude? No man will ever want to fuck you if you keep this up.”

“I don’t want a man,” Saebyeok can’t help but bite back. The words are sharp and stinging in her mouth. “I don’t want any of you, and neither does she. You’re wrong about her.”

He succeeded in his goal to get a rise out of her. He cackles madly at her outburst, at the pain that isn’t his own. Saebyeok storms off into the crowd of people, ignoring the concerned questions and annoyed remarks. The lights hurt her eyes. The sounds hurt her aching brain. 

Tonight was a bad idea. She wants to go home. She wants Jiyeong to come with her and never look back. She wants Gihun–

She steps on an uneven board. She hears it before she feels it, and suddenly she’s head over heels, skull to a wall. Her brain jangles around in her head as the world swims and a fiery pain hits her ankle all at once. Someone unfamiliar reaches for her. She flinches back violently into the hard chest of another and her world turns a sickening white. 

She manages to decipher words from the fog– “dont worry, I know her,” and “she’ll be fine, she’s always being overdramatic, if you could step aside–” Then the hard toe of a boot is nudging her limp side. 

“Hey,” says a voice. Fuck . Saebyeok’s died and went to hell. “Hey. You alive? Should I call the morgue?”

“Kill yourself.” She tries to stand. Then nearly vomits at the pain that crackles up her leg. There’s no sassed return or crude remark. Just silence that sounds uncomfortably pitying. 

“I’m about to go home,” Junho says. 

“Good for you.”

“You should come with me. It’s on the way.”

“Fuck you.”

“Look, I don’t give a shit what you do. But you have only two options: you can leave with me or you can stay behind to nurse your wounds alone in the dark like a kicked dog.” A pause. “You look really pathetic right now.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” She knows what she must look right now. Skinny and scrawny, covered in mud and lying on her back, whining like a five year old. “It’s like you’re stalking me. Why can’t you mind your own business? I don’t need your help. I don’t…” 

The crowd hasn’t completely subsided and some watch her tantrum amusedly. Hot sparks prick her vision. She wants to melt into the ground. But the only escape from this situation is to follow Junho’s suggestion. 

“You done?” he says dryly. Cursing her existence, up Saebyeok hobbles. Junho doesn’t offer her a hand and she doesn’t ask for one. They walk at an excruciating pace, the lights and music and laughter dimming as they leave them all behind. They make their way with painful steps after step from the colors of the carnival to the greys of the rocky parking lot. 

He opens the car door for her. She plops down in the seat, tears of humiliation swimming in her eyes. 

“If you elevate it it’ll hurt less,” Junho says. 

The ride is completely silent. He drives way less precariously than Jiyeong, and faster than Gihun. He keeps sending her unreadable glances every now and then, and doesn’t remark on her heaving shoulders or the way she buries her face in the front of her shirt. She does keep her ankle propped up on the dashboard. And it does help. 

They’re there faster than she’d expected. The front lights are on and Gihun’s smoking up a storm on the porch steps. He coughs at the sight of them, nearly swallowing his cigarette. He’s over in a flash, catching Saebyeok when she stumbles out the vehicle. “Kid! What happened, I thought you were–” He catches sight of Junho. Something terrifying changes in his face, so much so that Junho takes a step back . “ You . What did you do to her you little shit–”

“He didn’t do anything. I tripped on a stupid rock and busted my own ass.” Her cheeks burn. She needs to be alone right now or she’s going to burst into tears and make it a whole deal in front of everyone. “I can take care of it myself, It’s not even broken–”

“Ok, ok.” There’s the gentle mother hen Saebyeok knows. His pitch softens ridiculously quickly, and he ushers her into the house, mindful of any potential hurts. “Where is it? Is there blood? Bruising? I’ll get you an ice pack.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

He presses her into a chair and throws a blanket around her shoulders, fussing with the teapot and a tray of cups, and soon she’s laden with snacks and warm drinks and she feels like one of those french dish holders for rich people that spin a lot. 

It’s not even sprained; she should be back to walking by the time the next school week comes around. She feels silly, like she’s making a big deal out of nothing even though she’s asked to be put to bed at least five times by now. She’s not used to being pampered like this. She’s set her own broken bones. She’s seen her own insides. A bruised ankle should be nothing. 

But Gihun is Gihun, and he leads her to bed and tucks her in, pulling the covers over her chin, and she lets him. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

He’s so nice. Such a nice, stupid old man. “Yeah.”

“Did you at least have fun tonight?”

Jiyeong on the ferris wheel with Thanos. His arm around her shoulders. Saebyeok feels momentary guilt for leaving her behind without a ride home, then thinks bitterly to herself that Thanos will probably take her on a nice drive on that shiny moped of his. “Yeah.”

Gihun sighs. He doesn’t believe her. But he doesn’t push it, running his hand through her hair in a rare gesture of affection. You can trust me , it says. He cocks his head. “Is that my shirt?”

Saebyeok shoves his hand away. I know , it says. “You snooze, you lose.”

“You little shit.”

“Keep a better eye on your stuff.”

“I will next time, pickpocket.” To himself he mutters, “this is what happens when you pick strays off the street.” So Saebyeok throws a pillow at him and he laughs and shuts the lights off. With one last glance, he closes the door. 

She can hear him through the paper thin walls, the floorboards creaking with every step. He sits down heavily. “Thank you,” he says, to Junho presumably. “You didn’t have to bring her here.”

“It was no trouble. Your place was on the way.”

“I know. Your house is just up the next street right?” The sound of a lighter being flicked, then a cigarette catching flame. A breathy exhale. “Yeah, I know where your house is. Been there often enough.”

“I should go.”

“How’s your brother, kid?”

Something falters. “He’s fine. Busy.” 

“With that brand new detective agency coming along? Still making you guys a lot of money?”

“Yes sir. I guess.”

“Listen.” Exhale. “I never wanted to involve you in…well, you know. The whole thing. You or Saebyeok. It was unfair to you both, I mean, you were just kids. What happened between me and Inho should’ve stayed between us.”

“It already involved us.” Junho’s voice is sharp. “Saebyeok was working alongside you and the other adults like a peer from the very beginning. And Inho should’ve known that whatever he got himself tangled up with was going to bite him in the ass later. He knew the risks and he took them.”

Saebyeok can picture Gihun’s surprised face. “Well still. I’m not going to pick fights with someone half my age because he’s family with someone who wronged me. And just so you know, I’m sorry. For everything that happened.”

A chair skids back. “I think I’ll be going now.”

“Hey, I’m grateful. You helped my daughter, I won’t forget it.”

Junho walks out the door. The engine of the car starts and rolls away, much faster than when Saebyeok was in it. Gihun does some cleaning up in the kitchen, and the sound of clinking porcelain lulls Saebyeok into a sleep. 

—---

Whatever attempted gesture of indifference Jiyeong is attempting to undergo is one Saebyeok has mastered after years of practice. She lasts a grand total of three days of ghosting before approaching Saebyeok at lunch on Wednesday. 

She slams her tray down on Saebyeok’s table. “Are you ignoring me?”

“ You’re ignoring me.” Classic argument starter. Saebyeok has been preparing for this. 

“That’s such bullshit of you. How could you just ditch me like that on Saturday? I looked for you for hours. Kang Mina of all people had to tell me you’d left with Junho.” She scoffs, utterly hurt. “You left me for Hwang Junho ?”

“You seemed just fine hanging around Choi Subong . I didn’t want to interfere.”

Jiyeong yells in frustration. They’re beginning to attract a small crowd, onlookers spying their way, amused. “That’s a terrible excuse, Saebyeok, and you know it. Were you jealous? Is that it?”

“This is ridiculous.”

“I asked you to be there and you agreed. You didn’t need to. Why are you so angry about this? And you could’ve told me you were upset instead of sneaking off.”

“I fell,” Saebyeok snaps. It’s a terrible excuse, she doesn’t even walk with a limp anymore. But beggars can’t be choosers. “I could barely walk. You were nowhere in sight and I couldn’t exactly go looking. He found me and took me home.”

“You couldn’t text me afterwards?”

“I didn’t want to ruin your big night . And you didn’t test me either, even though I was hurt. You just assumed I left you on purpose. Then you accused me of being jealous.” Jiyeong visibly falters. Saebyeok’s got the upper hand now. “Even if I was feeling bad and I told you, would you have stopped everything to cheer me up? No. So I don’t see why this is such a big deal.”

“You’d rather die than accept help from Junho.” Jiyeong’s lip trembles from rage. She cries whenever she’s particularly frustrated, if things don’t deescalate soon it’s going to be a whole mess. “You were being petty. You were angry.”

“Do you think the whole world revolves around you?” Saebyeok stands up. She’s taller than Jiyeong by a good amount and she uses that to her advantage. “You think I’m supposed to follow you everywhere and do what you say like some kind of side character? I’m not your fucking pet.” She leans in close. “If you want to fuck Choi Subong then go ahead. Just don’t beg me to come and watch.”

That’s the final straw. Jiyeong looks at her like she stabbed her in the chest. Saebyeok doesn’t give her the satisfaction of a dramatic storming off and does it first herself, stomping. She’s being immature. She doesn’t care. A line has been crossed and she knows her insides will eat themselves from guilt later. 

Why does she care so much? It’s just a girl. 

She goes to the bathroom, locks herself in a stall, and screams into her arms. 

-

“Hyunju?”

Hyunju lets the ball fall from bouncing on her knee to a stop under her ankle. “What’s up?”

“How did you know that you were…that is to say, how did you realize…”

“That I was trans?” Hyunju says dryly. She laughs at Saebyeok’s face. “It’s not an insult, you’re welcome to ask questions.” She passes the ball to Saebyeok. “I guess I’ve sort of always had a feeling I was different. It was only a matter of figuring out why. Then it was figuring out what I wanted to do about it.”

“Was it hard to transition?”

“It was. And it still is. But I’m glad I did it. I would’ve been miserable without it. I wouldn’t have been myself.” Hyunju frowns. “Why? Are you…”

“No.” Saebyeok says quickly. “It’s another thing. Kind of similar though.”

Hyunju cocks her head sympathetically. “Girls?” Saebyeok doesn’t answer. A condemnation on its own. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s around this time when teens start figuring things out about themselves.”

“But I can’t–she’s my friend. And this has never even crossed my mind, not until–”

“She started seeing a boy?”

Once again, Saebyeok is struck dumb. Hyunju tuts. “You poor thing.”

“What do I do? I’ve never felt this way before. She’s her and I’m me, we can’t–I can’t be like this. She’s my friend.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong. As long as you don’t lash out at her or hurt anyone–”

“I yelled at her in the middle of the cafeteria today.”

“You–wait a minute. Jiyeong? The little one with the piercings?”

“How do you know Jiyeong?”

Hyunju bursts into peals of laughter. “I should’ve known,” she gasps. “The one you’re always skipping out on Minyeo’s speeches for? You think none of us notice? You look at her like she hung up the very stars in the sky.”

“Damn.” Saebyeok’s ears are hot. 

“Aw, don’t worry about it. It’s cute. And it gives you motivation to play harder. Our last game, the second half after you fondled each other up on the bleachers together? Absolutely insane. Fondle her all you want as long as you keep shooting like that.”

“Did someone tell you about the fight today?”

“Noeul told me. Nasty business. You should apologize.”

“She hurt me too. She left me for a boy.”

Hyunju looks like she’s holding in more laughter. She claps Saebyeok on the back. “I wouldn’t worry about it. All friendships have their ups and downs. But you want to know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you should go get her before someone else does. And I think she likes you more than you think.”

Saebyeok ponders her words. A sick thrill of excitement thrums in her veins. She wants to think it true so bad. But if it isn’t, she doesn’t know how she'll be able to handle it.

“That’s just me,” Hyunju says. “And if it turns out bad then, well. We never talked about this.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“Good! Now come talk to me about these drills.”

She passes the ball to her. The next hour is filled with brutal exercises and workouts that make her sweat and bruise out all the Jiyeong-related worries in her mind. 

-

Talk to her, talk to her . Saebyeok never apologizes. She wonders how she’ll do it now. 

She walks across the field, swinging her gym bag. The weather is nice today. She could walk home without having to call Gihun to pick her up. 

The band kids are usually on the field around this time as well. Saebyeok can see the shine of their instruments as they finish packing up for the day. She wonders if she should go now. Apologize while the wound is still fresh. She sees the silver of a flute which reminds her of an equally silver nose ring, and she’s walking over to the group before she even realizes what she’s doing. 

“Is Jiyeong here?” She asks as she approaches. Myunggi is the only one to answer, shaking his head. 

“She left early. Said she wasn’t feeling well.”

Saebyeok’s insides curl. Did she make Jiyeong feel so bad she skipped band practice?

Myunggi turns to the last few people on the field with a look of annoyance, then packs off with a stream of muttered grumbles. Another conversation catches Saebyeok’s ear. Near where Thanos is playing lightsabers with an invisible foe, waving around his trumpet like a maniac, Namgyu is ranting at Junho’s turned back. “–saw Daeho today,” he’s saying. His beady eyes glisten like a lizard’s. “You would think a guy like him would refuse to hang out with a guy like you, but no. He says you’re quiet. And that you’re like a little brother to him. And–”

“Hey.” Saebyeok walks over to him. Namgyu lights up at the sight of her. 

“Hey Saebyeok.” He simpers. “How’s your girlfriend? Still sulking because she doesn’t want to s–”

She socks him in the face. He staggers for a moment, clutching his face. “You bitch,” he splutters, utterly stunned. Blood runs down his face. “ BITCH !”

“Don’t talk about Jiyeong ever again.” Her fist aches. Namgyu has a very hard face. She jerks her head to Junho as an afterthought. “And don’t talk about him either.”

“Now you stand up for him?” Namgyu sneers, the image marred by the blood in his teeth. “I thought you hated his guts. But who’s surprised. The dyke standing up for the fag–”

Junho punches him. This one sends him flying back a good few feet, landing on his bony ass with a yelp. He struggles to stand up. “Thanos, man, help me out,” he whimpers. His friend drops his instrument and dashes over. 

“Namsu!” He turns to Saebyeok. “Why’d you do this to my bro, dude!”

Saebyeok realizes the situation. She can already smell that suspension paper. Damn. She could’ve at least wasted her last fight with someone worthwhile. Junho seems to think the same, looking at Namgyu with incredulous self awareness. 

“You’ll pay for this, girl.” Thanos rolls up his sleeves. “Nobody messes with the Thanos crew.” He squints at Saebyeok. “Wait a second. Do I know you from somewhere?”

Saebyeok blinks. 

“Yeah,” Thanos slurs. “You’re the friend of my babygirl. My sugarplum. Namsu, why’d you pick a fight my queen’s sister?”

“I didn’t–”

“Shame on you, boy.” Thanos hauls him up, brushing him off. “Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you have to fight. What would your mom say!”

Namgyu looks like he’s going to projectile vomit. Saebyeok can do nothing but stare blankly as he’s dragged away by Thanos, the latter of whom shoots meaningless, babbled apologies for “breaking the bro code” to her until he’s out of sight and hearing distance.

“That was really sad,” Saebyeok remarks. 

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“He had it coming. I’m sick and tired of him shitting on Jiyeong.” Her stomach sinks to her shoes. “Oh god. We’re so fucked.”

“Not necessarily. Subong seemed really embarrassed about the whole thing.”

“Still. Gihun wanted me to stop fighting people. He’s going to be so pissed at me.”

Junho has nothing to say to that. 

“Did you hear about my fight with Jiyeong today?” Saebyeok asks.

“I did. You really embarrassed her. She was really mad.”

“I’ll bet.” She swipes sweat off her brow. “Hey. You technically owe me now.”

“No the fuck I don’t.”

“I need you to take me somewhere.”

“I’m not going to do it.”

“It’s for Jiyeong.”

Junho curses softly. Saebyeok waits patiently as his face contorts, until finally he takes out his car keys. He walks ahead of her towards the parking lot. “It won’t take long!” she calls after him. He flips her off. 

-

It’s evening by the time they’re done. Junho waits for Saebyeok below as she hops on the wall and gets to scaling.

She’s surprised the walls haven’t been boarded up due to her climbing habits. She wonders fondly if it’s because Jiyeong secretly expects her visits, but the thought sours in her mind as she climbs. She doesn’t know if Jiyeong will ever talk to her again. 

Well she’s here to find out. It’s dark on the inside once she reaches the window. Not surprising. She only feels a little guilty for knocking on the pane, because she knows for a fact that Jiyeong is a chronic night owl and if the lights are off that just means she’s playing animal crossing under the nightlight in her bathroom. 

Nothing. Maybe she should try another time. Slightly disappointed, she begins to climb back down. 

It slides open. The dizzying smell of strawberries hits Saebyeok full force and she speeds towards it like a hunting dog to a whistle. “You have a lot of nerve coming here.”

“Hi,” Saebyeok tries to say. But she can’t through the flowers in her teeth. She holds up the bouquet as best as she can with one hand, smiling at Jiyeong’s noise of bewilderment. 

“Kang Saebyeok, what the hell!”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you today.” Jiyeong tilts a finger under a rose petal, admiring the pink rose with wonder. “I’m sorry for causing a scene. You’re my–you’re my best friend, I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re right, I was jealous. Only because I was afraid you liked him more than me and I know that’s probably not what you meant to happen but…”

“But flowers?” Jiyeong buries her face in the bouquet. “You’re such a cliche.”

“I’m returning the favor, remember?” Flowers for Miss Saebyeok . She still has them in her room. She keeps them on her desk. “But I can’t origami for shit. So. Here you go.” She flails a hand. The movement almost sends her tumbling down 100 feet. 

“How’d you even get here?”

Saebyeok winces. Jerks her head to the car in the driveway. Jiyeong gapes. “Junho? Seriously?”

“Gihun’s busy and I can’t drive. Hey, what works works. I would’ve taken you to pick your bouquet after band practice but you weren’t there–”

“I’m sick.”

“Oh.” So it wasn’t Saebyeok’s fault. “Are you okay?”

“It’s not too bad. Just a cold. But my sore throat was fucking up my flute playing so I couldn’t stick around–”

“No, no yeah, I totally get it.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They look at each other. The roses were a perfect color. They compliment Jiyeong’s natural blush to an almost perfect shade and match with the brown accents of her hair. “Well I should be going,” Saebyeok says, her mouth dry. 

“Saebyeok wait.” Jiyeong grabs her hand. They both start at the touch but Jiyeong doesn’t pull away. “I was jealous too. I thought, I thought you’d finally snapped and decided you were done with me. That you were going to replace me with fucking Hwang Junho.”

There’s a noise from the car below that suggests Junho heard them. “I would never,” Saebyeok breathes. “Never. No one could ever replace you.”

“And I wouldn’t leave you for Choi Subong,” Jiyeong laughs, a wild, beautiful, desperate thing. Saebyeok joins her. She’s so happy right now, the world could explode and she wouldn’t care. The stars could fall from the skies and pierce her body with glass and she wouldn’t move a muscle from the windowsill she perches on. 

She touches Jiyeong’s face. There’s a slight dimple in her cheek from her smile. She inches so close she can smell her skin. She gets closer.

-

Her arms are shaking like fucking jelly. She doesn’t think she’s ever stayed on the wall that long. 

“Shut up.” She buckles her seatbelt. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Junho says, starting the engine. “But just so you know. If Jiyeong really is sick, you just caught it.”

Gihun’s multitude of texts to her over the last hour range anywhere from encouragement to death threats if she fails to make it home by curfew. Normally she’d be annoyed, but she doesn’t think anything could dim her high right now. 

Junho has to fill up his tank, so they stop by a gas station with a flickering sign. As he thumps around outside, Saebyeok decides to nose around. She doesn’t find much–just as she’d expected, Junho is one of those clean freak sociopaths–but when she opens his glove compartment a book tumbles out. The cover reads Sea Life with pictures of little engine boats and seagulls floating around. It’s filled to the brim with bookmarks and colorful sticky tags. 

Junho comes back. He wrinkles his nose. “Ugh, stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Cheesing. Being in a good mood. You have a face perpetually genetically engineered to be miserable all the time, it’s unnatural.”

“As if your ugly maw wouldn’t fucking implode at its first ever attempt at a smile.” She shakes the book at him. “What’s this?”

“A book.”

“No shit, smartass. What’s it for? Didn’t take you for the type.”

“You take me for anything? That’s surprising.” He backs into the road, face unreadable. He looks like he’s about to say something else but stops himself. They stop at a red light. “It was a gift when I was young. I’ve always liked the sea.”

“Can you swim?”

“Yes, I can fucking swim Saebyeok.”

“I was just asking. Can you ride a boat?”

“Yeah. Daeho takes me on his jet ski sometimes. And I used to go around with an old family friend. He taught me to steer. Taught me a lot of things.”

Older guy , Saebyeok notes with dry amusement. “I think you’re off the hook now. Officially.”

“Sure.”

“Not even Gihun knows yet, about me and Jiyeong. I don’t even know how he’ll react. He’s not a hateful guy but I know people around here are pretty old fashioned.”

Junho snorts. “I think Gihun is the last person you need to worry about.”

“What does that mean?”

“Oh just. Rumors. You have to remember that I’ve known the guy longer than you have.”

He’s right. Saebyeok’s mood sours just ever so slightly. “And,” Junho continues. “He cares about you a lot. If you told him you were cold, he’d set any poor soul out there on fire for you.”

“If I told him I was cold he’d give me a coat. Idiot.”

They pull up to the house. The light is on in the kitchen, a Gihun-shaped outline dancing with a Cheol-shaped outline with some hip hop song making the walls shake. “If you tell anyone about me and Jiyeong I’ll kill you.”

“Whatever.”

“You’re out here running errands every night for anyone who bats their eyelashes at you long enough. Doesn’t your brother worry?”

“He does. But he doesn’t have the right to tell me what to do anymore.” He looks at Gihun’s house, suddenly just as unreadable as ever. “You should go. Tell Gihun about you and Jiyeong.”

Cheol is still spinning in circles to the beat by the time she joins them. She scoops him up in a hug, spins him around once, and kisses his cheek. Then she kisses Gihun on the cheek too, to his spluttered confusion. “What’s up with you?” he says, bewildered but absolutely delighted. 

“Nothing.” She positively hops grabbing herself a drink of water. Her jacket still smells like strawberries. Cheol wraps his arms around her waist and she lets him, ruffling his hair affectionately, wondering what she ever did to deserve all this. “Nothing at all.”

—

Jiyeong’s sickness, it turns out, is not just a little cold. She’s got a pretty bad infection that will keep her bedridden for weeks. She’ll heal for sure, the doctor says, but no more school until fall. She’s delighted by this news. 

“I don’t have to see Thanos anymore AND I get to see you every day after school,” she says, cuddling the enormous stuffed bear Saebyeok got her for a get well present. “It’s a win win for me.”

That means no more kissing. But they have all the time in the world to make up for that when the summer comes. 

Saebyeok still hasn’t told Gihun. She doesn’t know why, but she thinks he expects it already anyway. He keeps sending her these coy looks every time she announces she’s going to visit Jiyeong. Cheol is no better, asking her innocently if she’s ever going to get married. She hates them both. 

She goes through school giddy and carefree despite the absence of her best friend in a way she never has before. She scores goal after goal every soccer game, does better in her tests. Even when Choi Subong confronts her one day during lunch, dragging along a scowling, hissing Namgyu by the ear, she doesn’t immediately run away screaming. 

“Señorita,” he slurs. “I want to talk to you, girl. My man here has something to say.”

“Fuck you Thanos,” Namgyu says, sounding positively tearful. Thanos nudges him with his elbow. 

He glowers at Saebyeok like she personally orchestrated his downfall. “I’m sorry for being rude to you that day after practice,” he spits venomously.

She acknowledges him coolly. “Ok.”

Thanos kicks his friend’s knee, bobbing his purple head like a parrot. “Now tell her the other thing.”

“We’re having an end of year get together. Everyone is invited. Including you.”

“Jiyeong can’t go. She’s sick.”

“I know. My baddie is feeling bad. No matter though. We've broken up.”

Saebyeok fights to keep her face passive. “Really?”

“She said we had different life goals. I agree. These raps ain’t going to write themselves, and bitches don’t pay the bills.”

Saebyeok’s hackles rise, but Thanos is already turning to Namgyu. “Sucks that you delayed telling her for so long. The party’s this weekend. What if she doesn’t have a dress yet?”

“You think this one’s wearing a dress?” Namgyu mutters. Thanos shoves him. “I mean ow. Sorry.”

“Where’s this thing taking place?”

“At Gyeongsu’s. You know how his parents own this lighthouse thing–”

Junho, a few seats down, perks up like a dog. 

“–and we’re totally crashing the place. You know how his parents are, they don’t even care he exists. Sadly we’ll have to hide the good stuff until they’re gone, but after that it’s going to be fucking insane. You can’t miss it.”

“I’ll go,” Saebyeok says quickly. 

“You’ll have to bring a partner.”

“A male partner,” Namgyu interjects. 

“I’ll go. Don’t worry about me, I’ll do everything right. Thanks for the invite.”

“You’re welcome bro.” Thanos shoots her a pair of finger guns. Namgyu looks like he’s going to strangle himself to death. “It starts at 7. Don’t be late.”

-

The preparations for the party the day of take a grand total of one hour. Saebyeok buys a sleek three piece from the tailor down the street, Gihun tuts over the measurements and makes a halfhearted attempt to do something with her hair before letting it fall free like normal. 

“Are you sure you want to wear this?” Gihun worries, adjusting her bowtie for the 100th time. “Is this what girls are wearing nowadays? I don't want you to be made fun of.”

“I think she looks cool,” Cheol remarks. 

“It’s fine. No one’s going to come up to me and beat me up for wearing a suit, that’s only in the movies. Besides. I’m matching with my date. ”

He licks his thumb and strokes away an imaginary streak on her cheek. “You look good.”

“Thanks.”

He grins fondly at her. Then frowns. “Wait. What do you mean you’re matching with–”

A car horn beeps. “That’s my ride,” Saebyeok says. Junho’s car waits outside once again. He hangs out the window. 

“This is the last fucking time.” But the dumbass is suited up as well. He nods at Gihun. “Hey Mr. Seong.”

“Wha–”

Saebyeok grabs her bag. “I’ll be home before 12.”

“But–”

“Hey, we’re even wearing the same color! Just like a real date.”

“I–”

“Don’t worry about it Mr. Seong, this is what all the kids are doing nowadays. Trust me.”

“I don’t–”

Saebyeok waves at them as Junho drives away. Gihun chokes on his own tongue in the rearview mirror, but Cheol waves back sweet as can be. The back of the car is laden with fishing gear, telescopes, and an assortment of maps that makes Saebyeok’s head ache just by looking at them. 

“Fucking nerd,” Saebyeok says. 

“Shut up.”

-

They’re only slightly late. No one notices their arrival except Mina, who smiles at Saebyeok in greeting. She’s hanging off Semi’s arm triumphantly, Minsu standing next to them holding a platter of snacks like a glorified waiter. Their outfits are coordinated, the three of them wearing the same shade of light pink. 

Obnoxious music is playing full blast off an enormous boombox on the dinner table, but even it can’t overcome the sound of the ocean splashing up against the rocky shore. It smells of cheap dinner food, salt in the air. Thanos is breakdancing in the corner. A team of his fans hype him up, Gyeongsu jumping up and down like a fish on land. 

Junho’s eyes are glittering. He stares at the lighthouse greedily. 

“Well don’t let me keep you,” Saebyeok remarks. Junho doesn’t spare another second, gathering up his bucket of equipment and scurrying off. Saebyeok chuckles at his retreating back. Then she goes off to do what she came to do in the first place. 

She finds a quiet corner where the sea roars the loudest. Reception is surprisingly good. She calls Jiyeong, and the girl picks up almost immediately. 

“You’re so handsome,” she gasps as soon as the camera opens. Saebyeok runs a hand through her hair, a rush of giddiness washing over her. 

Jiyeong’s wearing a basic white tank top with a pink bow at the top. She’s wearing makeup, her lips glossed and pink, with bold eyeshadow and mascara to match. “You look pretty too,” Saebyeok says numbly. Curses her lacklusterness. “Like a fruit. A peach.”

Jiyeong giggles. “Well I had to get fancied up. For our first date.”

“I’ll take you on a real one after you’re better. Wherever you’d like. Get you something nice.”

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” She rolls over on her back on the bed. “My throat’s still pretty sore. How about you do most of the talking today?”

“Ok.” She sits down on the beach, uncaring for the wet sand all over the dark satin of her suit. “Well. There are a lot of seashells here. Pretty ones. I’ll make a necklace for you out of them, if you want.”

“Hm.”

“I was really good at crafts back in the North. Made my mother all sorts of stuff. I wish you could’ve met her.”

“She was probably a wonderful woman.”

“She was. And, um, Thanos is dancing like crazy right now. Spinning on the top of his head and everything. I think he may actually have a chance in the music industry, he could be part of a Kpop band or something.”

“I believe it.”

“Me and Junho are wearing matching suits. I should send pictures later, it’s so funny.”

“You do that.”

Saebyeok talks and talks and talks. She runs down the shore in her dress shoes, kicking up piles of sand to make Jiyeong laugh. She coordinates the colorful shells by color, making a rainbow-colored heart and posing next to the pile. The sun begins to set and they just sit and watch it together. No words are exchanged.

Hours pass. The party is in full swing now, the parents gone and the place free of any responsible eyes. Saebyeok is making snow angels in the sand, Jiyeong copying the movement in her bed. She’s tired, Saebyeok can tell. 

“Do you want to go to sleep?”

“I don’t want to sleep. Not with you still here.”

Saebyeok’s cheeks hurt, looking at her girl. “I’ll see tomorrow. Visit you myself. Promise.”

“Mm.”

A figure appears ahead of Saebyeok, struggling on the sand towards her. His suit jacket is abandoned completely, white button up see through from moisture and waistcoat positively soaked. His hair is dripping.

“Hey,” Junho breathes. He’s wearing atrocious rubber waders instead of his previous oxfords. He cocks his head, looking down at her. “What are you doing on the ground?”

“Calling Jiyeong. Say hi.” She holds the phone up to his face. He waves at it. 

“Oh my god,” Jiyeong says, “you guys really are matching. It’s like seeing double. Saebyeok, please tell me you’re not wearing those fuckass boots.”

“Hell no. Dora the Explorer here was just exploring the island. I haven’t seen him in hours, thank christ.”

Junho kicks sand over her chest. 

Jiyeong can’t suppress her yawn. “I guess I should be going to bed now, I’m dozing as we speak.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mm. Love you.”

The camera presses against Jiyeong’s lips. With one last smile, she hangs up. Saebyeok’s head is ringing like a big, stupid hollow bell. Junho, still looking down at her, snickers. 

“Oh fuck off.” She hauls herself up. It’s a good thing this suit was cheap, after tonight it’ll be utterly unsalvageable. She brushes herself off as best as she can. “What do you want?”

“Guess what I found.”

“Hidden treasure.”

“Close!” He’s dead serious. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

He races off. Saebyeok follows, not knowing quite what else to do. His legs are longer than hers and she struggles to keep up. 

He leads her to a mess of a pile of rocks and seaweed. The plants hang from branches and woody debris, probably from the last storm that occurred. It smells like it hasn’t been touched since the 19th century. She wrinkles her nose. “You’ve hit the jackpot, dude.”

“It’s not this, it’s what’s behind it.” He brushes aside a curtain of thick algae. Behind the mess floats an old-looking boat in stagnant water. It looks almost vintage, the paint peeling and rusted. It has an engine; or used to. Nothing about it looks functional now. But it’s a lovely color. 

“Cool.”

“It’s not just cool. This brand doesn’t even sell anymore,  I can’t believe I found one in real life.”

“I know Gyeongsu’s parents rarely ever actually come around. ‘S probably been here for a few years.”

“More than just a few.” He tests the foundation, putting a boat on the steps on the entrance, giddy when it doesn’t give away. “I want to explore.”

“Are you sure it’s safe? Seems pretty old.”

“Super old!” He hops aboard, immediately scurrying to the back to check out the rusty remains of the engine. Saebyeok gets on too. It’s surprisingly sturdy. Smells heavily of mildew and fish. 

“It’s crazy back here,” Junho says. “I can’t believe this. Do you think Gyeongsu will let me come back here more often if I ask? I wonder what else his family has around here...”

“No clue.”

“I'll talk to him after the party.”

She settles down to the front of what used to be the compartment, back to the cool plastic. She digs around in her backpack. “Guess what?”

“Hm?” Junho pokes his head from around the walls. She holds up a plastic bag, shaking the contents. A pack of cigarettes and a bottle of something brown and suspicious jangles around. His eyes widen. 

“Is that–”

“Snagged a couple from Gihun. He won’t mind, he’s seen me smoke before and I rarely do it anyway. No idea what the bottle is though. Just know that he takes a swig whenever he’s thinking of Cho Sangwoo.”

Junho eyes the bag warily. 

“What? You don’t want any?”

“I don’t drink.”

“You don’t have to. Take a cigarette if you want, though.” She unclasps the bottle, taking a sip. It leaves behind a pleasantly bitter taste. After a moment of hesitation, Junho joins her on the ground. He lights a cigarette with careful practice, pressing it to his lips. 

“I haven’t done this in a while,” he confesses quietly. 

“Me neither. The last time was actually in ‘21. That was a crazy year.”

Smoke curls around Junho’s nose. He looks into the distance. The sunset is a bitter red now, gleaming through the cracks of the sea plant ceiling.

“Speaking of Cho Sangwoo,” Saebyeok says, “it’s nearing the anniversary of his death. Gihun’s starting to crack again. He tries to hide it, but he sucks at lying. Always has. It’s what got him into this whole mess. That’s why I haven’t told him about me and Jiyeong. I don’t want to give him another thing to worry about.”

“You two aren’t really worry material,” Junho says. Saebyeok fishes a cigarette out of the bag, and he lights it for her after two clicks. “If anything that would help him, knowing that you’re happy.”

“He does so much for me already.” The taste of smoke furls on her tongue, unlocking something in her chest and sliding it around in her like water. “I feel like…I don’t know…”

“You don’t deserve him?” Saebyeok glares at him. He shrugs. “Just stating the obvious. He’d disagree with you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do.” Junho lolls his head. “ You don’t know him if you think he’ll ever regret taking you in. You’re his daughter.”

His daughter. They’re friends of course. Saebyeok trusts him with her life, and she’s saved his. She loves him almost as much as she loves Cheol. She recalls a life without him and shudders at the memory. 

“It hasn’t always been like this,” she says quietly. “Back when I was at that factory I hated the very idea of getting close. Everyone was paranoid in that place. I’m surprised we lasted as long as we did.”

Blood. Screams. Threats and constant danger and metal pipes and falling bunks and fire –

“Fucking hell.” She inhales the smoke a little too fast, choking on a thick cloud of it. Her eyes burn. 

“What was it like? Working there?” Junho asks. 

“It was loud. They would play these terrible childrens’ music as we worked. I can’t even listen to Cheol’s nursery rhymes anymore without thinking of them. The pay was pretty good.” Saebyeok remembers bringing home her first check and buying Cheol and herself a seat at an all you can eat buffet. They’d gorged themselves sick. “That’s why so many people stuck around, I think. Nowhere else to go. And as long as we didn’t step out of line, it was basically perfect. Almost.” 

“I hear the guards carried around guns all the time.”

Saebyeok huffs. “They might as well have. But no, that would’ve buried them for good. They had these huge sticks they’d bang against the walls and tables whenever we were working too slowly or not to their satisfaction.” She lets her head fall back with a thump. The others back at the lighthouse are throwing fireworks now, the little ones that pop on the ground when you throw them. If she closes her eyes they sound like gunshots. “Still can’t believe the whole operation wasn’t sued to the ground.”

“I can’t believe they let you guys go.” Saebyeok makes a noise of agreement. “The roots of that organization ran deep. A lot of the sponsors were super rich. They fled as soon as the case was over. They’ve probably started a new plant in America or something already.”

“‘Pushing legal boundaries but still in the safety net,’” Saebyeok quotes with a sneer. “Who were they kidding? People were being picked off the streets. No one gave a fuck until they started coming back and asking for help. We signed agreement forms, yes, but does no one else think it’s super fucked up they were allowed to basically work us to death?

I’d be dead if it weren’t for Gihun. There weren’t many girls back there. He protected me from the others, but I got scared anyway. I’d been screwed over too many times, I didn’t think I could trust anyone.”

Junho turns his cigarette over in his hand thoughtfully. 

“Sangwoo hated me. I think he thought I was a weak link or something, because at every chance he could he’d try to get rid of me. Gihun wouldn’t allow it, but still. I thought he’d try to kill me. But then the protest happened, and well.”

And Cho Sangwoo was stabbed to death right in front of Gihun. Among his last gurgled words, he’d apologized to Saebyeok. She can still see the blood leaking from his neck. 

“He begged us to take care of his mom. Gihun can’t help mourning his friend. I think he feels guilty doing it around me. But I get it. He was a jerk to me, but I understand.”

“Do you see his mother?”

“Sometimes on the weekends. Cheol calls her grandma.”

Saebyeok takes another swig. She doesn’t know why she’s doing this. She hasn’t talked about the incident since Gihun tried and failed to get her a therapist. Maybe it’s because she knows Junho won’t judge her. He can’t. Because every terrible thing that has happened to her since her arrival in South Korea has been because of his family. 

“How’s your brother?” she asks, the scathing tone surprising even herself. “Still rich?”

Junho grimaces, still staring at his hands. 

“He lied to Gihun, you know. His superiors down at his precious agency told him to act as a spy on the protest. That’s the reason why so many people died—because Gihun trusted him and let him get close. The South Korean Police Force didn’t care about working conditions and child labor, but they sure were willing to mow us down like animals.”

“In the end he testified for you.”

“Too little too late.”

Junho is quiet after that. Good. He knows the accusation isn’t for him. It’s not his fault Inho is his brother. But he knows she’s right. 

Junho reaches for the bottle. He takes a swig so long Saebyeok raises her eyebrows. “Thought you didn’t drink.” 

He swallows slowly, eyes impassive. Cigarette between his teeth, Junho begins haltingly, “You have a right to hate him.” He runs a finger along the lines of his palms–a nervous habit. He seems to struggle for words before continuing, “He did a lot of messed up shit. He–”

He sighs in defeat. “But god, Saebyeok, he wasn’t always like this. Our dad left when I was a baby. Our mom died before he even graduated, and his wife died pregnant with their baby.”

“That’s not–”

“I know it isn’t an excuse. Trust me, I know. I’ve watched him change over the years. He was a good man. But so much happened and his life just got more and more fucked, I think he snapped. One day he was there. And the next he just…wasn’t. He got obsessed with his job, gained a messed up sense of justice and just did whatever he thought was right.”

He puts his face into his hand. His cigarette burns smoke into the night like a cloud. When he comes back up for air, his eyes are red. “God this is fucked,” he mumbles wetly. “I can’t drink for shit, what the hell am I doing?”

Saebyeok’s witnessed this before. Unlike her, who starts going off at the mouth at full speed whenever there’s alcohol, Gihun gets teary-eyed and emotional. She’s had to usher him to bed babbling about debts and unresolved business too many times to count, usually around this time of year too. 

“I want to tell you something,” Junho says, “and you can’t tell anyone.”

“Ok.”

“And I mean you can’t tell anyone. The coast guard will get you. Gihun will lose his job and you’ll have to move to a secluded island somewhere in the west. No one.” 

Saebyeok takes a shot of the alcohol. Lights a new cigarette. Settles herself against the compartment comfortably. “I’m ready.”

“Do you know how the whole thing blew up? How the public eye got involved and it was all downhill from there?”

Saebyeok shrugs. “I don’t know. Some cop probably blabbed about it. None of us escaped to tell the tale.”

“It’s because a civilian got involved. A family member of one of the most prominent leaders of the mission broke into the organization and got himself into the heat of the trouble.”

He makes an impatient movement with his hands when Saebyeok stares blankly. “It was me, Saebyeok! I got compromised!”

“What? How the fuck did that happen?”

“I don’t even know. I don’t remember a lot of it. All I remember is that Inho had been acting weird all week and one day he just didn’t come back from work. I called the police but they were the ones who sent him away. He couldn’t tell me where he went, it was top secret. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked.”

“No fucking way.”

“Technically I never made it in. Got way too close though. I did some digging, found the business card, hopped on a car and drove. I saw all kinds of stuff. I saw people I knew, people who I thought were good, pulling the strings. They were killing people. Working off the backs of other human beings, that’s how they were so wealthy.”

“Did they find you?”

“Obviously. I was a stupid kid, I had no idea what I was doing. They cornered me. I knew way too much, they were supposed to shoot me on sight. But then I met one of the investors.”

Junho takes a deep breath. Steadying himself. “He was an American, coming over here to make sure things were running smoothly. I don’t-I don’t remember everything he said to me, my English was terrible. But all I knew was…he wanted to keep me. He bribed some guards to let them take me back to where he was staying. He said he would protect me from the others as long as I behaved. And he–”

His voice comes to an abrupt halt, as if stopped from outside sources. He swallows the air and for a second Saebyeok thinks he’s going to be sick. But he just takes up the bottle again, taking a slow, deep swallow. He’s trembling. His eyes are glazed over. 

“He wasn’t supposed to stay long,” he says, voice torn. “If Inho came back an hour later from the mission he would’ve never seen me again. He wanted to take me back to the states with him like some kind of, of fucking pet. I was gone from home for three days. Three days, and Inho didn’t even know. He didn’t even–”

Saebyeok feels lightheaded. Junho swipes at his wet cheeks, furious.

“He found me at the back of a cargo van. Shot the man dead. He wanted to take everyone involved to court, but he would’ve been locked up with them for following their orders. I didn’t want that. So he told the court it was self defense. They couldn’t keep quiet about the factories anymore, though, and it got exposed for ‘harsh working conditions.’ You know the rest. He resigned the next day.”

Saebyeok remembers that day. Wearing scratchy formalwear way too big for her skinny frame, swallowed up by wooden stands, crowds who didn’t care, and fresh memories of the dead. Gihun had let her cling to his sleeve as she testified, holding her when she was done. She tried to make eye contact with Hwang Inho several seats down. Tried to see any remaining glint of humanity, passion, guilt in his eyes. He never looked at her. Not once. 

She vaguely remembers Junho. He’d been way shorter back then, bug-eyed and shaking like a maniac. Saebyeok had assumed it was just because he’d never been involved in legal proceedings before. He’d testified for Inho’s good character then shut down for the rest of the hearing. 

She’d hated him then. He had no right to tell the world Hwang Inho was a good man. What did he do to deserve such protection?

Next thing she knew Junho was joining her in highschool under strict watch, medication, and protection. She knew it has something to do with Inho. She just never wondered what. 

The only noise is the waves lapping up gently against the shore and the distant hoots of partiers. Saebyeok rests her chin against her knees, temple throbbing dully. There’s a sizzle as Junho puts his cigarette out on the metal of the hull, then the clink of glass as he takes another swig. 

Saebyeok doesn’t know what to say. The alcohol feels sour in her mouth, the nicotine in the air more bitter than comforting now. She feels sick. It’s a terrible feeling, the only nutrients in her stomach drink and darkened memories. 

“That’s terrible.” Pathetic. But even if she were good with words, nothing could convey what she wants to say right now. 

“I hate him too. He’s even sadder than before. He’s so fucking sorry, I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me. But guilt can’t fix what he did.”

Saebyeok thinks of all the times he retaliated with righteous fury over the sullying of his brother’s tainted name. The way he quivered at every hurled word, hurt but ready for a fight. 

“He’s trying so hard. It’s sad to watch. And I get defensive because he’s genuinely trying so hard even though both he and I know it won’t help. I think…in the end he’ll always be my big brother. And nothing fucked up he can ever do to me will change that.”

A dull ache rests in Saebyeok’s chest. A wind blows and waters jostle them both ever so slightly.

“He ruined my life,” she says. Junho jerks his head in acknowledgement, absentmindedly poking a hole in the boards beneath them. “But I don’t know. The fact that he cares so much about you reminds me he’s still a human. He still has a heart. Even if in the grand scheme of things that didn’t help me much.”

“He was a stupid man who believed the wrong things.”

“‘Stupid’ sure is a way to put it.”

“It's the best word to describe him. And besides. I think he’s learned his lesson.”

Saebyeok opens her mouth to say it’s a fucked up thing to be thinking that, that what happened to him served as nothing more than a morality lesson for his brother. But then another thought occurs to her. “You really broke in there all by yourself?”

“I never saw you workers, if that’s what you’re wondering. Just behind the scenes.”

“Still. You didn’t even have your drivers license yet. What were you, 14? 15?”

“…14.”

Saebyeok coughs.

“What?”

“No I'm just imagining. Little baby Junho—“

“I’m older than you.”

“Rolling up to the police station in Hwang Inho’s bigass limo. ‘Please sir! I want to find my brother sir !’ Haha..”

“Ok.”

“Imagine,” she chokes, “imagine running a decade-long, million dollar worth human labor-powered organization in the very undergrounds of South Korea with police AND government aid and being thwarted by a guy who hasn’t even learned algebra yet.”

She buries her face in her hands, willing for her shoulders to stop shaking. Junho looks at her with a mixture of amusement and fervent concern. 

“I knew algebra,” he says at last quietly. “I took it a year early.”

“Ugh, of course you did.”

“You’re so drunk.” 

”And you’re not nearly drunk enough. Come on man. To us, right? Survivors of ‘21. It’s been a week. If anyone deserves a night off it’s us.”

Junho observes the bottle. Still halfway to go. He shrugs, then downs a good portion of it, eyeing Saebyeok challengingly the entire time. Saebyeok salutes him and lights another cigarette, preparing herself for what looks to be a long night. 

-

“I want,” Saebyeok begins, testing the words in her mouth, bubbles of color floating around in her vision. She reaches out to pop one, then remembers she was going to say something. “Hey. I want to know something.”

“What is it?”

“What was the rumor? About Gihun? The one you told me about that night when you took me to see Jiyeong?”

“Oh,” Junho says with a noise that could only be described as tittering. He’s moving his hand in a repetitive wave-like motion. “Um. Ok, so, I’m pretty sure Inho was just joking around, but people say he messed around with Jungbae.”

“What?”

“Yeah, before he got married. Isn’t that crazy?”

The two men are close. It’s not entirely implausible.  “Damn.”

“Sangwoo too, when they were kids. Then the guy went to college and they never talked about it again.”

“Gihun’s a player.” Saebyeok makes a noise of disbelief. “My dad’s a player . But wait. Shit. That’s actually so sad. Because Sangwoo’s dead now.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s so depressed all the time.”

“Maybe.” The empty bottle rolls around on the floorboards, making a dull clank when it hits the heel of her shoe. “I want to play a game.”

“What kind of game?”

“One me and Cheol used to play. One of us would ask the other person a question, and the other person has to tell the truth. Like truth or dare, but it’s just truth. We’d go in turns.”

“That seems exploitative.”

“Dude, whatever. I’m not going to remember half of the things we’re saying right now by tomorrow.” She thinks. Or at least, tries her very best to. “I’ll go first. Um. You and Daeho are together. True or false?”

“Saebyeok. Daeho’s, like, 10 years older than me.”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re into that kind of thing.”

“I’d rather not mess with a guy old enough to be an honorary teacher at my highschool, thanks. And besides, even if he were my age, he doesn’t even…he wouldn’t want…” His voice falters. He looks at his hands like he’s never seen them before. “False. That’s it, false. My turn. You’re the one who’s been drawing pictures of Mr. Im pregnant on his whiteboards in the mornings, true or false?”

“True.”

“Fuck you dude, he’s been blaming that on me for months. I can’t even draw.”

“Neither can I. He just has a really draw-able face. A lot of the teachers do.”

“Hah, you should draw Deoksu next.”

“Here? Now?”

“Sure. I have a pen–”

He fumbles with something in his pocket and her a cheap ballpoint. The dye is blurry from being in Junho’s soaked possession but still shows up well on the wooden boards. She gets to sketching. “My turn. How did you know to help me during that one soccer game?”

“I like watching the sport in my free time. And Inho used to play.”

“But you don’t? Sucker.”

“I want to focus on my studies. S’not my fault I’m busy all the time.”

“You lazy fuck.” Deoksu’s nose is looking a little crooked. And one of his eyes is larger than the other, but the flaw makes him look more like his real life self. “Now you go.”

“How’d you get that scar on your neck?”

“I got beat up in the North for stealing fruit. Is it true you have a bullet wound scar on your shoulder?”

“Yup. Big one, smack dab on the left. Have you met Gihun’s real daughter?”

“Yeah. She's super cute. I think she has a crush on Cheol.”

Junho frowns. “That’s actually kind of fucked up. Isn’t Cheol basically Gihun’s son now? And if Gayeong is his daughter–”

“Yeah, but Cheol doesn’t see Gayeong as his sister, so it’s fine I think.”

Junho looks at her drawing, squinting. “I think you made his forehead too big.”

“Fuck.”

“Are you adding his tattoos?”

“If I can remember what they look like.”

“Chains? Or snakes.”

“Chains would be a cool ass design though.”

“Give him chains then.”

She scribbles away. “I have another one.” Tongue slightly sticking out at her work, she says, “If you could turn into any animal, what would it be?”

“Bird. Easy. Probably either a sparrow or a seagull.”

“Seagulls are lame.”

“Yeah, but nothing trumps flying. I’ve always wanted to fly.”

“Me too. Sometimes I wish I could just fly away.” The scribbles of Deoksu’s tattoos make Saebyeok’s head swim. Her thighs suddenly wobble, making her posture cave in, and she flails over on her back. It’s a beautiful night. Cloudless, and she could count the stars like she counts her own freckles. “Imagine that. Imagining being able to just go away whenever you want to. Just run away forever.”

“Hm.”

“Wait no. I don’t want that anymore. I’m not leaving Cheol or Gihun behind. Or Jiyeong, because what if she stops liking me and gets with someone else?” Her stomach drops. “What if she gets with a man ?”

“She doesn’t even like men. She told me herself.”

“I wonder what would happen if I were born a guy. Would she have still liked me? I guess she’d be a man too. Would she like men then? Like a role reversal?”

“I guess.”

“I wouldn’t mind being born a guy. Is it fun having a dick?”

“It’s alright.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind.” With one last miniature sip, the bottle is finally empty. She lets it fall to the ground triumphantly. “Wouldn’t mind at all.”

“You talk a lot.”

“It’s the alcohol. It’s making my brain mush, I can’t control a single word that comes out of my mouth when I’m drinking. I’ll regret this as soon as I can think like a normal person again.”

He’s still staring at his hands. What’s so interesting about them, Saebyeok wonders? She leans forward to finish one last detail to her drawing, nearly breaking her spine with the arch. “Annnd done.”

Junho touches Deoksu’s round, child-bearing stomach. “It’s very good.”

“I know right? Maybe I should become an artist.”

“What would the child be called? Who’s the father?”

Saebyeok tilts her head, considering. “His name is Jinhoon,” she decides at last. “And he’s born with tattoos just like his mother. The father is Gihun because apparently he’s a manwhore.”

Junho’s eyes fall shut. He bites his lip to suppress a snort, which does absolutely nothing to shield the sound. His face falls into his hand. A burst of mirth bubbles up in Saebyeok. She lets out a hideous guffaw. Junho laughs out loud at that, clutching his chest in pain. Soon they’re both cackling like madmen until their sides ache, lying on their backs and clinging to each other, uncaring of the world outside this little boat. 

The smell of smoke and liquor fill the air. The waves rock their foundation and they cling to their sanities as best as they can under the cool light of the moon. They laugh, and the sound melts into the pleasant night. They laugh, and everything dark and heavy disappears along with it.  

-

“ Saebyeok !”

I’ll be up in a second, Saebyeok almost answers Gihun’s voice. But something is off. She’s not on her back in her bed for one thing. And for another, who left the lights on in her room?

She opens her eyes. Big mistake. She hisses as the sunlight hits her full force, drawing back from the hard something she was using for a pillow. The something turns out to be Junho, the boy himself still leaning dead to the world against the accommodation walls. She touches her cheek, feeling the imprints of his sleeve on her cheek. He has sharp fucking shoulders. 

“ Kang Saebyeok !” The voice calls again. It sounds worried. Afraid. She rubs her temples, willing the increasingly painful ache behind them to disappear. 

“I’m–” she chokes on her own spit. She’s shivering like crazy, her clothes soaked with morning dew and ocean water. “We’re over here. Behind the rocks.”

Footfalls rush over. It’s not Gihun who pulls the seaweed aside, but Hwang Inho. He spots Junho and is by his side in a flash. “Junho.”

Gihun follows close behind. “Fuck, Inho,” he wheezes, clutching his chest. “Run a little slower next time, huh? Damn, I need to get in shape.”

“Junho.” Inho shakes Junho’s shoulders urgently, patting the side of his face. “Junho, wake up. Junho.”

Junho’s eyes flutter open. They focus on the figure in front of him. He flinches violently. Inho, seeming to expect this, draws away, holding up his hands. “It’s me.” His voice shakes ever so slightly. Junho pants lightly, recognition seeping slowly into his wild eyes. “It’s me.”

“Inho.”

“That’s it.” He takes Junho’s face in his hands, and when no objection occurs, draws him stiffly into his arms. Junho seems surprised but doesn’t pull away. “You didn’t come home last night. You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Sorry.”

“I didn’t know what happened to you, Junho. I–”

I was gone for three days , Saebyeok remembers. Junho looks at where Saebyeok and Gihun stand, timidly wary. Inho presses a hand to the back of his head and he takes it as an excuse to press further into his brother’s embrace. Saebyeok has to admit he looks pretty cute like this, cheek smushed against Inho’s shoulder. He’s physically the bigger man, but right now he looks impossibly small. 

“I’m ok,” he says, voice small and muffled. Inho kisses the top of his head. 

“This is why I was greying at 20.” He kisses him again. “Your life goal is to give me a heart attack before 60 I swear–”

Junho squirms in his grasp, red-faced. “Hyung, stop.” Inho kisses his forehead. “ Hyung !”

“Your face is freezing. You’re lucky this weather didn’t turn you into an ice cube.”

“He’s right, this was just beyond stupid.” Gihun pulls his own hoodie over Saebyeok’s head despite her protests. “You’ll regret this in a few days' time when you catch a cold or worse. What were you thinking?”

“Hang on. Is that–?” Inho presses his nose to Junho’s hairline and sniffs. “Junho were you–” He catches sight of the soggy contraband on the ground. “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“...that’s water.”

“You.” Inho wheels on Saebyeok venomously. She nearly jumps back. “You little devil, you’ve been–indoctrinating him–”

Gihun sweeps her behind his back. “Don’t talk about her like that! And how do you know it’s hers? How do you know they’re not his?”

“I don’t even smoke anymore. And that brand of whiskey has your tacky name written all over it.”

“ Hey !” Gihun picks up the bottle and reads the label. “Oh yeah, that's totally mine.” 

“I should sue you.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic. There wasn’t a lot left anyway. And you know how kids are, they do impulsive stuff like this all the time. They’ll be fine.”

“Speak for yourself. This one only has one kidney.”

“I feel fine,” Junho pipes up. Inho’s attention is immediately called back to him, tutting over him. “Seriously. I’m just a little dizzy. Nothing serious.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking Junho, you know what the doctor said– god, what are those boots–?”

Gihun hands Saebyeok a plastic waterbottle, pushing her hair out her face. “You really scared me, kid.”

“Nice to know.”

“You can’t go running off like that. And with a boy? With that boy?”

His complaints add fuel to the roaring fire in her head. He seems to see it and thankfully stops, letting her nurse her migraine and patting her hand quietly. He faces Inho, reluctant but firm. “Thank you,” he says loudly. “For helping me find her.”

Inho doesn’t return his eye contact, still touching Junho’s shoulders. “It was nothing. I was looking for Junho too.”

“Still. Who knows how much longer it would’ve taken to find them if you didn’t hear Saebyeok?”

There’s an awkward silence. It’s like everyone here wants to forget what happened, Gihun and Inho with their search, Saebyeok and Junho with last night’s function. But they can’t. The air is thick with the remnants of their common goals and, albeit temporary, comradery. 

“Well it was nice seeing you,” Saebyeok says at last to Junho. 

He scoffs. “You make it sound like I’m dying.”

“Ok wow. You know what? Never mind.”

“I don’t think you know what words mean.”

“Well sorry, you classless assfucker, my bad for trying to be polite.”

“You wouldn’t know class if it beat you in the face with an 18 inch horse whip.”

“Wait a minute,” Inho cuts in, utterly aghast. “Are you two…together?”

Saebyeok’s stomach rolls. The nausea in her gut gathers up in one last great mighty wave, and she vomits all over Gihun’s shoes.