Chapter Text
“Josuke.”
Josuke poked around at his cold soba noodles, already having lost his appetite barely halfway through his dinner. He stared down into the bowl, unable to take his mind off of Okuyasu.
“Josuke.”
What kind of luck did Josuke have, getting lucky enough that his crush also liked boys, just for it not to be him? Did Okuyasu see him more like a brother? He'd seemed uncomfortable when Josuke was asking if Okuyasu liked him. Had Josuke made it obvious how he felt? Had Okuyasu seen through him, and his lie? Had he ruined any potential chance of–
“Josuke!”
Josuke’s brow furrowed, the response coming out on its own before he realised it, in the most antagonising tone he could imagine. “What!?”
As his mother’s eyes widened, Josuke looked up, wincing.
“I meant, uh–”
“What is your issue!?” Tomoko scolded. “I don’t need that attitude right now, young man!"
Josuke put his hands together, elbows on the table, and bowed his head. “I’m sorry, Mom, I-I was really zoned out! I didn’t mean to speak to you that way… please forgive me?”
“Jeez…!” Tomoko huffed. “Whatever, just tell me what’s wrong, and I will.”
“Huh?” Josuke raised his head to regard his mother. “Pardon?”
“What’s. Wrong. You’re just staring into your soba.”
“Oh, I’m…” Josuke made a show of gathering the noodles up in his chopsticks, lifting them a few inches from the bowl. “Sorry, just– not that hungry, but it’s delicious as always, Mom!” He flashed a fake grin before lowering his head towards his bowl and slurping the noodles up.
Tomoko was staring blankly. She pointed her chopsticks at Josuke accusingly, saying, “I don’t buy it. A mother can tell when something’s wrong with her kid, you know.”
Josuke swallowed. “Ahaha, really? Uhh, maybe I’m sick or something?”
“You’re not getting out of school tomorrow.”
“I’m not saying…!” Josuke sighed. “I’m fine, I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Okay? I’ll finish this quickly and then go to my room for the night.”
“No video games? Something is wrong.”
Josuke opted out of speaking by hurriedly shoveling more noodles into his mouth.
“Girl troubles?”
Josuke continued eating, but he gave Tomoko an exasperated look that said all it needed to.
“Boy troubles?”
Josuke inhaled the noodles into his throat, eyes watering as he coughed them back up and into the bowl. He made a face down at them, now definitely put off of finishing his dinner if he wasn’t already. He was slow to look back at his mother.
Tomoko was watching him like a hawk. “Did I hit the bullseye?”
“I don’t– what do you even mean by that?” Josuke’s heart was in his ass, and he was already blushing, and he knew she’d notice. She’d definitely notice.
“Well, you seem to really like Prince, you know…? And you've never had a girlfriend. At some point, any mother is going to ask questions.”
Josuke swallowed, hoping that playing as dumb as possible would save him. “What are you talking about? What– What’s Prince got to do with anything? I’m lost.”
“Josuke,” Tomoko said flatly, crossing her arms and wearing a stern expression. “I don’t want to have to say it.”
“Uh, say what?” Josuke’s question was genuine.
Tomoko sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. “I really just wanted you to tell me when you were ready, but… I found a magazine…”
Josuke got to his feet so fast he felt dizzy. “Woah, woah, woah! What!?”
“It’s not a big deal,” Tomoko said, looking like she hated the conversation nearly as much as Josuke. “You’re not in trouble. I’m just saying you don’t have to pretend.”
Josuke didn’t know whether he wanted to cry, puke, run away, or all three. “You– you– you–” He clenched his fist, shutting his eyes. “I, I don’t… even know why I had that thing, seriously, I…”
“Josuke! I’m telling you it’s fine! Just stop lying to me!”
Josuke was not ready for this conversation whatsoever. He was already in a bad mood, he was caught off-guard, he was humiliated, and his hair was down. He’d never felt more vulnerable in his life, maybe save for when he was literally sick and dying for over a full month as a child.
“Look,” Tomoko sighed, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up. I already regret it. I don’t want to embarrass you out of talking to me, I just… want you to know it’s okay with me, and you can be honest.”
“Why… were you snooping around in my room…!?”
“I wasn’t! I was cleaning my house!”
“I clean my own room,” Josuke whined.
“I don’t know, it was a Sunday and you were out and about and I was doing the laundry or something, so I checked your room. I’m sorry. It is still my house.”
Josuke sighed, avoiding looking at Tomoko as he gathered the dishes from the dining table. “...Thanks for the meal.”
After doing the dishes, Josuke brushed his teeth and retired to his bedroom as planned. Not in the mood for music, and definitely not in the mood for magazines (even the family-friendly kind), he just turned off the lights and crawled into bed. He cried for a few minutes - not bawling, just a few tears and sniffles and feeling sorry for himself - and after that, he tried to sleep, but he was finding it difficult to sleep several hours before he’d normally be in bed.
At some point in the night, Tomoko knocked gently at Josuke’s door. “Josuke…? Can I come in?”
“Okay,” Josuke replied soullessly.
Tomoko opened the door, soft light entering the room with her and brightening the dark shadows to more visible blues and purples. She sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her son with love even when he just stared blankly at the wall instead of looking back at her.
“You okay?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Josuke replied quietly, “I’m just trying to sleep.”
“Pretty early for you…”
Josuke shrugged.
Tomoko snorted softly. “Sorry, honey.”
Josuke pouted. “Stop with the pet names, Mom, I’m a delinquent.”
“Sure you are,” Tomoko replied. “But I’m still your mom.”
“Mm…”
“Wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Josuke shook his head.
“Got it. Well, that’s fine. But is there anything I can do to help?”
“Nah…” Josuke curled in on himself a little more. “But, thanks.”
“It’s okay. Want a bedtime kiss?”
“What the hell, Mom…? Get out of here.”
Tomoko laughed, and Josuke quirked a small grin, too. “You know, Josuke,” she said, “I really don’t care if you’re gay.”
Josuke groaned, turning to face away from her as heat rose to his cheeks. “Mom. I know, I just don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Okay, as long as you know you can if you change your mind.”
“Okay.” Through his self-pity and humiliation, Josuke suddenly realised how lucky he was to have an accepting mother, and how grateful he felt he should be despite her snooping around in his belongings. “Uh… thanks,” he said, heartfelt.
“Don’t mention it, sweetie,” Tomoko said, giving Josuke a firm pat on the shoulder before standing and heading to the doorway. “I’m going to bed.”
“Hello? The pet names?”
“Right, right, delinquent, manly, tough, all that. Goodnight!”
“Ugh. G’night…”
The next morning, Josuke found himself entirely unwilling to get out of bed.
He wasn’t the type of kid to skip classes, let alone entire school days unwarranted, and yet thinking of facing Okuyasu again filled him with dread. And why should a seventeen-year-old boy have to deal with as much as Josuke had in his life? He and his friends saved Morioh, so why should he have to go to school when he really, really didn’t feel like it?
Tomoko pounded on the door. “Josuke! Jeez, are you still in bed!? You should be ready to go!”
The pit in Josuke’s stomach only got larger, and he groaned in response. He got like this over things, sometimes, things that were often small in hindsight. It had only started last year, so he wondered if he’d suffered some kind of brain damage at some point (he wouldn’t say he suffered any kind of mental trauma from the whole ordeal, definitely not).
“Josuke, what is up with you? I’m coming in!” Tomoko opened the door, already dressed for the day. Scoffing when she saw Josuke still in bed, she stomped to his window and threw open the curtains. “Wake up! You’re going to be so late!”
“Ahh!” Josuke shut his eyes, pulling his blanket over his head. “Mom, I don’t feel well!”
“You’re not sick, Josuke. Let me feel for a fever.” She tugged the blanket off of him mercilessly, slipping her hand underneath his bangs and laying her palm on his forehead. “Mhm, you’re fine.”
“N-No, like…” Josuke turned onto his back, looking up at his mother and playing up his misery. “Nauseous, not like a cold or anything. Like I might throw up.” To be fair, he wasn’t really lying. He just left out some crucial details.
Tomoko withdrew her hand, exasperated. “Josuke, it’s a Saturday. It’s not even a full school day. You can’t even make it ‘till one o’clock? You look fine!”
“If I could make it, would I be waiting this long to do my hair?”
Tomoko looked at her son for a long moment, a slight worry creasing her brow before she gave up and sighed. “Alright, fine,” she said softly. “I can’t make you go, but at least it is only a Saturday. I’ll let them know you weren’t feeling well.”
Josuke sighed, relaxing. “Thanks, Mom.”
“But you’re resting, not playing video games all day. Got it?”
Josuke smiled, because she had neglected to mention movies. “Okay,” he remarked in English.
Tomoko moved to the doorway before stopping. “Oh, I know you didn’t want to talk about what was wrong, but… I kind of have a feeling.”
Josuke cringed. “Oh?”
“Okuyasu-kun was here waiting to walk to school with you, you know. I had to tell him to go without you, so you wouldn’t make him late.”
Josuke swung upright, his eyes wide. “He did!? Why– Why didn’t you tell me when he was here?”
“You go to school together every day, I shouldn’t have to.” She put a hand on her hip, smiling knowingly. “But it looks like I was right.”
“A-About what?”
“Bye, Josuke, I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“W-Wait!” Josuke hopped out of bed, getting onto his feet and darting around his room to ready his uniform. “I’ll go!”
“Well, you’d better hurry!”
Josuke hurried to school, eating as he jogged the whole way. Even then, with his hair taking top priority, he was thirty minutes late. He winced as he walked into the empty halls, always hating the feeling of being late to school. Upon opening his locker, he took pause, snapping out of his frantic state - a note had fallen out and fluttered to the floor.
Josuke took a knee, picking up the note. It was folded, but even before opening it, he knew it was from Okuyasu, and his heart pounded. Sucking his bottom lip into his teeth nervously, he unfolded the torn piece of paper to read what Okuyasu had written.
SORRY, I REALLY FREAKED OUT YESTERDAY. I’M BAD AT BEING PUT ON THE SPOT. I KINDA LIED TO YOU AND I FEEL PRETTY BAD ABOUT IT. I’M STUPID THOUGH SO I CAN’T TELL WHAT YOUR REACTION WAS MEANT TO BE (RUNNING OUT OF SPACE CHECK LOCKER 2ND NOTE)
Mouth dry, Josuke could only blink at the note with wide eyes, looking up to his open locker. Immediately, he spotted another torn piece of lined notebook paper, sitting awkwardly atop his gym shoes. He snatched it with unsteady hands, opening it up.
SORRY GOT A BIGGER PIECE OF PAPER. I WANTED TO SAY THIS ALL IN PERSON BUT I GUESS I’M KINDA RELIEVED YOU’RE RUNNING LATE SO I DON’T HAVE TO (IF YOU EVEN SHOW UP). AM I REALLY RAMBLING IN A NOTE? YEAH I’M NOT SURE WHAT ANYTHING IS MEANT TO MEAN ANYMORE OR HOW YOU FEEL SO I’M JUST GONNA DO THE SIMPLE THING AND TELL THE TRUTH.
IT’S YOU
SORRY
Josuke read both notes over and over and over again, his heart soaring and his whole body on fire. He replayed the events of yesterday again and again in his mind in a new context, seeing how Okuyasu might've just panicked and lied. Josuke could’ve conceivably done the same thing, if the roles were reversed. But Okuyasu liked him. Okuyasu liked him.
And he had the rest of the school day to get through before he could even face him.
Josuke hurried to class, giving his profuse apologies for his tardiness before taking his seat. Koichi gave him a surprised look, and then a smile. The rest of the day went relatively normally, except for the fact that Josuke’s class had PE right after Okuyasu’s. On their way outside, the two classes passed each other, and Josuke watched Okuyasu’s solemn expression completely dissolve when he saw Josuke was there, his frown being replaced with a grin brighter than the sun. Josuke grinned back, waving, and the two stopped following their classes for a brief exchange.
“Josuke, you made it...! I didn’t think you were comin’.”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Did– Did you see…?”
“Yeah, I-I saw the note.”
“Y-You’re smilin’.”
“Yeah. It– It made me pretty happy, dude.”
Okuyasu giggled. “Oh. Heh. Good. Wow, that’s– that’s amazin’, shit.” He looked to his disappearing class, then towards Josuke. “Er, w-wanna meet on the roof after class!?”
“Sure,” Josuke said with an enthusiastic nod, so excited he felt like he’d burst. “I’ll see you then.”
Josuke felt immense relief that no other students were on the roof. He was only there for a minute or two before he heard the door open, and out of it came running Okuyasu, slightly breathless from the stairs.
Josuke beamed at him. “Hey, dude.”
Okuyasu grinned back, catching his breath as he jogged up to Josuke. “Hey!”
“Uh, can I just confirm exactly what you meant?” Josuke asked suddenly. “In the notes?”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Tell me what you meant when you said ‘it’s you’, just so I know I’m not misinterpreting anything.”
“Uh…” Okuyasu fidgeted with his hands. “You sure? I mean… y’know… it’s you. The– you know.”
“The crush?”
Okuyasu nodded, blushing.
“Okay, great,” Josuke said with a laugh. “I would’ve been really embarrassed if I misunderstood.”
“What else could it mean?”
“I dunno, man. C’mere.” Without thinking, because he’d been doing too much of it lately, he pulled Okuyasu into a tight hug. The two were definitely touchy-feely throughout their whole friendship, but a hug like this was something immensely special. Okuyasu made a small noise of surprise, taking a moment before he wrapped his arms around Josuke, burying his face into the crook of the taller boy’s shoulder. Josuke turned his head towards Okuyasu’s so that his cheek was pressed against him.
The two stood like that for a long while, holding each other tight and firm. Josuke was the first to break the silence. “I– I really, really like you, man. I was late because I was freaking out, ‘cause I thought I messed things up by asking if you liked me.”
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Okuyasu mumbled, squeezing tighter. “I really like you, dude…! I-I couldn’t tell what you were thinkin', and… you know I get really indecisive an’ shit, and I don’t know what I’m meant to do on the spot. So I just wondered what my bro would’ve told me to do, and I don’t think he’d really… want me to be like this… y’know… with another guy…”
“I get it, it’s okay,” Josuke whispered. “It’s fine, dude. I’m sorry for putting you on the spot.”
“‘S okay. I’m glad you asked, ‘cause I never would’ve told you on my own.”
“Well, it all worked out in the end!” Said Josuke as the two finally broke apart, smiling at each other. Emboldened now, Josuke quickly planted a kiss on Okuyasu’s cheek before briskly walking past him to the doorway. “C’mon,” he said as his own face burned red, “let’s go! Wanna come hang at mine?”
Okuyasu stood stunned, his jaw hanging loose. It wasn’t until Josuke shrugged and began walking down the stairs that Okuyasu snapped out of his stupor and jogged to catch up. “Can– Can I stay the night?”
“Uh, yeah, but… uh… my mom might be a bit weird…”
“Whaddya mean?”
“She, uh… she found one of my magazines, dude… with… guys in it.”
“...I ain’t really had parents for a while, so I dunno, but that’s pretty embarrassin’, ain’t it?”
“Yeah, I wanna fucking kill myself.”
“I see. She mad?”
“Not really, which is great, but she might not let me close my door when you’re over…”
“Damn. Uh, well, we could always, y’know, do it at mine…”
“...Do what?”
“Well… y’know…”
“W-Woah! Dude! I’m– I mean, not that I don’t want to, but– I-I’m more the type of guy to take things slow, y’know?”
“Oh– right, yeah, that’s cool! That’s totally cool, dude! Of course! I just mean– y’know, in the future…”
“Yeah, uh, totally. Totally at some point in the future. Haha. Talking about this is gonna make me have a heart attack, though.”
“S-Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Uh… W-We could try kissing, though.”
“Really!? Finally, I’m finally gonna have my first kiss…! I’m so happy I could cry!”
“Woah, relax, dude!”