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Chapter Text

“Ouxiang, can I ask you a question?” Liu Sang asked once they were alone. Zhang Qiling was the last person he wanted to talk about this kind of thing with, but he was the only one at the station that he knew for sure was a sub, and asking anyone else seemed like a worse option.

Zhang Qiling inclined his head to indicate he was listening, so Liu Sang continued on, “Do you know any doms?”

Zhang Qiling rolled his eyes, or what stood for it from him.

“I mean of course not yours, and not anyone here. I mean, someone who might be interested in scening or something. Nothing… you know, I want like, platonic.” Wow was he making a mess of this. “I know this isn’t the kind of thing, I just, it’s been a long time. A really long time. I tried going to the bars, but it really didn’t work out. I just don’t know how, I’ve never had to. And okay I’m going now, I shouldn’t have asked, please forget I ever said anything.” Liu Sang turned to leave, he had been an idiot, anyone would have been better to ask. Zhang Qiling must think he was even more of a creep now.

“Yes,” Zhang QIling said to Liu Sang’s half turned frame and Liu Sang turned back around in surprise.

“You do?” he tried not to sound too hopeful.

“A professional. Covered by our insurance.”

What!? “That’s a thing? What?”

Zhang Qiling looked at him oddly. “Of course. It’s standard. I can see if he has any time free if you’re interested.”

“Please. I’d appreciate it.” A Professional. That sounded too good to be true.

Later, they had some downtime between calls so he brought up his insurance contract on his phone and skimmed it, and right there, in the list of services, after acupuncture and chiropractic was: ‘dynamic services: 18 sessions; in network only’. That must have been what Zhang Qiling was referring to. He had probably skimmed over it when he had first signed the paperwork, not knowing what it was, and not really caring, when the big things like work accidents were fully covered.

Later Zhang Qiling came up to Liu Sang after they had finished dinner, which had only been interrupted by a call (quick and easy) once. “Tomorrow at one pm, will pick you up. Check your email.”

That was a good time, it would give Liu Sang about six hours to nap after they got off work at six in the morning and then an hour to eat lunch after he woke up. Obediently, Liu Sang checked his email, then blushed and looked around, thankful that Zhang Qiling had left and everyone else in the cafeteria seemed focused on their meals. The email was a… checklist. Of things. To do. With a dom. He quickly turned his phone screen off and looked around, as if someone might have snuck up on him, which was ridiculous given his hearing capabilities.

Still, the room was too open. He wanted his back to the wall for this. He still had eleven more hours of work and everyone on his team was off doing their own things for the evening while waiting for a possible call, so Liu Sang ensconced himself in an empty corner of his team's rec room. His Ouxiang and captain Ning were silently playing pool and the click and roll of the balls was a familiar, soothing backdrop interrupted occasionally with the turning of a page as Huo Daofu read an actual, physical book.

He hoped he wasn’t blushing noticeably as he read through the checklist. A lot of terms were unfamiliar to him, and the last thing he was going to do was look them up on his work wifi, so those at least were easy to mark as not interested in. There were others though that he had always been interested in, but had never been brave enough to ask to try with his brother, besides, it would have required a lot more research since neither of them really knew what they were doing anyways. A professional would know though. Heart beating in his throat, Liu Sang tentatively marked those as interested, he could always go back and change them before he sent it out.

Just as he finished up the paperwork, he’d let it sit for a while before sending it, the alarm blared and Liu Sang followed his teammates out of the rec room and hurried to the staging area and stripped out of his civvies and into this firefighter uniform, mind clearing with focus and the anxiousness of the checklist evaporating into the recesses of his brain.

The rest of the evening was one call after another. None of them big or life threatening, but in aggregate they were tiring. By the time their shift end rolled around at six am, Liu Sang was exhausted. He barely remembered the emailed form he was supposed to fill out before his appointment, and just sent them off without thinking before setting his alarm and collapsing onto his bed.

When Liu Sang woke up, he showered then grabbed a quick lunch in the cafeteria, choosing to sit by himself, before making his way to the front of the building to wait for his Ouxiang, glad to have a familiar face to guide him.

He heard the motorcycle before he saw it and did a double take as Zhang Qiling rounded the corner. Liu Sang had not been anticipating Zhang Qiling showing up at the dorms with his motorcycle, and he really had to kick himself. What had he expected? His Ouxiang to drive Pangzi’s work van?

Liu Sang took a second to close his eyes and calm nerves that had suddenly flared, he had been doing good at ignoring what was going to happen, then gingerly got on the back of the motorcycle and put on the helmet he was handed. He placed his arms gingerly on his Ouxiang’s waist, not wanting to be creepy, or encroach on his personal space, but Zhang Qiling grabbed his hand and pulled and said, “Tighter.” So Liu Sang hugged him, and tried his best not to think about it as Zhang Qiling revved his engine and drove, slowly, off. Zhang Qiling only ever touched people when it was necessary, and Liu Sang had definitely never been this close to him. This felt way too intimate. He could smell the leather of Zhang Qiling’s jacket, hear it scrunch and squeak under the purring of the motor, feel Zhang Qiling’s warmth up against his chest.

Zhang Qiling took the back roads and Liu Sang was surprised that he didn’t speed at all, if anything, he drove under the speed limit. Despite the slowness, they arrived on time at a nondescript building with a tiny sign that just read, ‘Dynamic Services. Appointment only’.

Liu Sang got off the bike and his legs shook. If Zhang Qiling hadn’t gone out of his way to do this for him, Liu Sang wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t just turn around and leave.

Liu Sang let Zhang Qiling go ahead of him as they entered the building. A man in sunglasses stood up and approached them and immediately engulfed Zhang Qiling in a hug.

Liu Sang stared as the man hugged his Ouxiang. And his Ouxiang let him. Zhang Qiling was notoriously picky about who he let in his space, kept everyone at arm's length except for his boyfriends. Hell, he had known Zhang Qiling for half a year before Zhang Qiling had so much as put a hand on his shoulder to direct him somewhere, and that was just once and in an environment too loud and too quickly changing and unsafe for words to be sufficient. Zhang Qiling hugging this man, clearly comfortable in his space, this man who was not Pangzi nor Wu Xie, was almost incomprehensible. Not so much that they were hugging, Liu Sang could suppose, if he tried really hard, that Zhang Qiling might have other people he let in his space, but the fact that Liu Sang hadn’t even heard of this man, that was too much.

Zhang Qiling pulled back and turned to Liu Sang. He stared at him with the intense stare Liu Sang had gotten used to over their year long acquaintance. Work colleagues. Sometimes, when Liu Sang was sure no one could eavesdrop, in his own mind, he thought that they were maybe friends, or could be, in the future. Zhang Qiling nodded and said, “You can trust him. I did.”

And wow, ‘I did’. That was shocking. Liu Sang had thought that there was never, had never, been anyone else but Wu Xie and Pangzi for Zhang Qiling. Had never heard even a hint of it, and when you lived and ate with someone as much as they did, even with Zhang Qiling, who didn’t talk much, you learned things. And the others talked more than enough. Whoever this man was, he shot up in Liu Sang’s estimation. Mullet and indoor sunglasses aside, Zhang Qiling didn’t trust easily.

“Okay,” Liu Sang said to the silent question he knew Zhang Qiling was asking. He would try with this man. He cursed his brother again for moving to a new city, for putting him in the position where he had to trust someone to begin with. The buzz that had been building up under his skin for the past week, really if he was honest, since his brother had announced his intention to move out, spiked.

“Yaba Zhang here speaks highly of you,” the man said, pulling Zhang Qiling close to him again. Zhang Qiling let himself be pulled and didn’t acknowledge the action or the words.

Liu Sang raised his eyebrows in skepticism. Zhang Qiling was not one to speak much. Even over texts his responses were, more often than not, just an emoji, two if he was feeling loquacious. Liu Sang had gotten a whole sentence once, actual words, unprompted and he had thought someone was dying. And, anyways, it had been an emergency. All that to say, he doubted this man's words, this man he was supposed to trust. If he didn’t trust them, this wouldn’t work out.

The man just laughed. “Our friend,” and the way the man said ‘friend’, very obviously meaning Zhang Qiling, made Liu Sang warm inside. Maybe Zhang Qiling also considered Liu Sang a friend in the privacy of his own mind. The man continued as if those words hadn’t affected Liu Sang, “May be mute, but he occasionally speaks, when it’s important. He didn’t need much to convince me anyways. Hei Xiazi, at your service,” the man, Hei Xiazi, finished with a bow, and well, Zhang Qiling hadn’t needed very many words to convince Liu Sang that Hei Xiaizi was someone to be trusted, so that actually maybe tracked.

“Right. Thank you,” Liu Sang said courteously, Hei Xaizi was doing him a favor after all.

“Let’s head into my office and we can talk about details,” Hei Xiazi said.

Liu Sang looked at Zhang Qiling, nervous. Zhang Qiling tilted his head to the side and asked, “Want me to stay?”

“No, it’s fine Ouxiang. I’ll see you at work day after next?” Liu Sang asked.

Zhang Qiling shook his head, confusing Liu Sang, they didn’t usually spend much time together on their off-48 hours, then clarified, “Will pick you up after.”

“You don’t need to,” Liu Sang tried to protest, though he was touched at the thought.

Zhang Qiling just stared at him with what Liu Sang was sure was a spiritual eyeroll, he was getting good at recognizing those, and left. Liu Sang knew that meant Zhang Qiling would pick him up, and he felt comforted at the thought.

Liu Sang turned around to see Hei Xiazi watching him pensively, before the man turned around and Liu Sang followed him into the office. Hei Xiazi sat down in one chair and motioned Liu Sang to the other. Liu Sang tentatively sat down.

“Right. We’ll start with the paperwork. I see you sent your list on ahead and I’ve taken a quick look, but I want to hear in your own words what you need and what you're hoping to happen this afternoon.”

Liu Sang blushed, he’d never had to voice any of this outloud. He had only ever scened with Wang Can and they had started out together and there had never needed to be any communication.

“I said I wasn’t interested in humiliation,” Liu Sang said, in his most haughty, arrogant voice that led people to assume he was a dom. He knew that wasn’t amenable to getting what he needed tonight, but he was already feeling antsy about the new situation and off-footed and he couldn’t stop his shields coming up. He wanted to get up and walk away, but the itch under his skin was insistent and he knew he needed this, wanted to try this before resorting to drugs. He trusted his Ouxiang. This was the best he was going to get. His face burned hot at having to cross such a boundary so soon. Maybe it wasn’t a real boundary. It wasn’t like he had explored much. It felt like one though.

Hei Xiazi leaned back, sprawling in his chair and said, almost lazily, “When we start a scene, you’ll know. You might feel embarrassed talking about what you need, but that is not my intention and I will not be humiliating you for any of your needs. If you can’t talk about what you need, then I can’t help you. This needs to be a consensual encounter, and if you can’t talk about what you need, then I can’t know the lines. So. Staying or leaving?”

Liu Sang flushed hot again at how reasonable Hei Xiazi sounded, not even bothering to rise to Liu Sang’s antagonism. Liu Sang thought again of how good he had felt whenever he had reached that space with Wang Can. How it always settled that itch afterwards. He didn’t exactly like the process. But he needed it.

Sometimes he wished he was a dom like Wang Can, but they’d tried it the other way and it hadn’t worked out for either of them. He had learned later that that was likely because he was a sub, though he had wanted to have his official documentation list him as a switch, but it turned out his father, in one of his last acts, had already registered him as a sub, so that was that. He didn’t feel that his biology should define him and it made him angry to see the little ‘s’ on his identification. While at the same time he also really liked that space he went to, how nice it felt when Wang Can took care of him afterwards. There were drugs, easily attainable and cheap for once and the side effects were minimal for most, that would remove that need. But even with the growing itch, the need to resolve it, he wasn’t sure he wanted to give that up, and he knew, if he took the drugs, he would never stop, never be brave enough to let himself have what he wanted. This was his only chance.

So instead of getting up and leaving as he a little bit wanted, he put to words what he needed, what Hei Xiazi should already know from reading his list. “Just give me a spanking and I’ll be good to go.” God how he hated that word. ‘Spanking’, like he was an incalcitrant kid. But it worked. There were worse things. Not that he had tried anything else. They had just kind of stumbled onto it. Watched one porn video, shied away from anything sexual and, well there had been spanking in it, and that had seemed acceptable to them both, and both of them so desperate to scratch that itch and there wasn’t anyone else to rely on but each other. That had been before Liu Sang had learned about the drugs, before they knew things like Dom and Sub and biological imperatives. It had worked for them for years. He was still kind of angry at Wang Can for leaving. He hoped he was okay. He hoped Wang Can was happy.

“Okay. I noticed that was the only thing you listed as the max score of ‘5’. Also the only thing you listed as having experience with. But you seemed curious about some other things, are you interested in exploring those?”

Liu Sang wasn’t sure his face could get any hotter, and he regretted not just listing everything else as a ‘0’, a no, maybe if the night before hadn’t been so busy and he had had more time to think about it, he would have changed his answers. But he was curious. Spanking was all he knew, and it worked, and why mess with a good thing? But also, it kind of sucked, and he didn’t really like how sore he was the next day, and there was always the chance that he’d be called in for an emergency when he was off-call, which hadn’t happened yet but would have been deeply unpleasant. He had felt so brave sitting in the rec room, surrounded by familiarity, as he marked some things as 4s and 3s. Now, the harsh fluorescent lights which buzzed angrily against his skin was not conducive to bravery. “Not today,” Liu Sang said, and meant to sound arrogant, but it sounded pleading even to his own ears. He needed something familiar. Next time he could be brave. If there was a next time. There would be. He wanted there to be. Wasn’t that the whole point of this?

“All right,” Hei Xiazi said, like it was easy. “Tell me about your past experience. Did you have a favorite position? Intensity?”

Liu Sang wondered what it would be like to have a favorite. They had just tried one thing and it had worked, why mess with something not broken? “I just bend over and...” Liu Sang made a spanking motion with his hands, feeling like an idiot as soon as he did so.

“Bare? Underwear?” Hei Xiazi asked, looking completely unfazed as if he heard this kind of thing every day. And Oh. He probably did. Liu Sang and his spanking probably sounded so mundane to him. Boring. Liu Sang relaxed. He could do this. This was a normal thing that people did every day.

“Underwear,” Liu Sang answered, glad he’d have that protective covering. He had, by force, gotten used to getting naked around other people, the station wasn’t large and it wouldn’t have done to clog up the bathrooms with something that could be done in the shower room with something like changing. Still. Something about this was more intimate than the necessaries of getting clean or the hurried emergencies of changing into this uniform.

“Hands? Paddle? Something else?”

“Hands,” Liu Sang answered. They hadn’t had money at first to be fancy, and afterwards, why waste money on something that wasn’t needed?

“Okay, how long? Until you cry? Something else?”

“I told you I don’t want to be humiliated,” Liu Sang said. He almost never cried. That had never been the point.

“Okay. Counting?”

Liu Sang hated counting. But it worked. “I always count,” he said, truthful at least. He added- “twenty-three.” He forgot why they had decided on that number, but, well, it was what they always did and he found the familiarity of its ritual comforting. They had probably counted something stupid like the number of people they could count walking below their dingy first floor apartment window in thirty minutes.

“Okay. I can do all that. No problem. Now, aftercare, tell me what that looks like for you.”

Liu Sang thought about Wang Can, how after they would cuddle on the couch and watch stupid documentaries and reality shows. How that was his favorite part. He always felt somewhat out of it, and it didn’t really matter what was on the tv, just really something to provide an audio anchor, with the warmth and safety Wang Can provided as they leaned up next to each other and ate whatever food they had to eat that day. They had both always managed to make sure that they had something on the days that they scened. “Something auditory to focus on that I don’t need to pay attention to. We used documentaries usually.”

Hei Xiazi took out his phone and fiddled with it, “I have a podcast on the history of Beijing opera.” Then he played a couple seconds of it, a low droning voice talking about headdresses, switching to a voice singing before going back to the first voice. “Will that work?”

Liu Sang nodded.

“Good. What else.”

Liu Sang looked at Hei Xiazi, still sprawled in his chair, so unlike Wang Can’s almost military bearing, and Liu Sang couldn’t see himself being comfortable cuddling a stranger. Even a stranger that was going to spank him. Even a stranger Ouxiang trusted. “Usually eat something.”

Hei Xiazi got up and opened a closet door full of snacks, and even some of those instant meals that heated up with chemicals. Oddly, there was a lot of green pepper fried rice. “Pick out some things you’ll want after.”

Liu Sang got up and was tempted to pick out one of the meals, a voice in the back of his head telling him not to lose out on a full meal, but he had just eaten lunch and knew now where he could easily get more food, so he resisted and instead he just picked out a couple of the snacks. Besides, if Zhang Qiling was picking him up after, it was likely he was going to go to his home and Pangzi would be sad if he had eaten first. The man took his food seriously. Maybe Pangzi would give him a hug too. He’d seen the way Pangzi hugged Zhang Qiling, but never Liu Sang, at least not after that first time when Liu Sang had quickly stepped away from the then stranger. He wished Pangzi knew that he’d be okay with that now.

“There’s something else,” Hei Xiaizi said, face turned towards him, unreadable behind the shades he was still wearing and still all too insightful, not even his heartbeat gave anything away. Like his Ouxiang almost.

“Yes,” Liu Sang said, not wanting to lie, he had gotten this far after all. “But I’m not comfortable with doing that with you.” After a moment of thought he added- “yet.” If this worked out, they’d be seeing each other enough that Liu Sang should get comfortable. And he really had liked the cuddling. Thinking about the upcoming session without the reward left him feeling just a little disappointed. But it wouldn’t be a reward because he didn’t know Hei Xiazi.

“Okay. That changes you tell me and I’ll see if it’s something I can do. Now, how about we head into one of our private rooms and start?”

Liu Sang took a deep breath, his heart racing, and nodded.

Chapter Text

The room they entered was much nicer than the office. It was brightly lit with soft-colored led bulbs and absent were the horribly loud fluorescents from the office. When Hei Xiazi closed the door to the room behind him, it felt as if the world was suddenly muffled and Liu Sang realized happily that the room was soundproofed. He took a moment to turn down the white noise in his earbuds and listen. It was remarkably good sound proofing, though if he concentrated he could still hear some sound. He turned the white noise up a little bit to be safe since he didn’t want to violate anyone's privacy when he didn’t have to.

Hei Xiazi walked over to a padded bench like structure and looked at Liu Sang and then raised it up to Liu Sang’s hip height. “That work?” Hei Xiazi asked, gesturing at it.

Liu Sang looked at it; they had always just used the table or the back of a chair or anything at hand which was always inevitably hard and unforgiving. Despite that, the bench was the right height, so he nodded. Maybe the padding would be a nice change. They had never even thought of having that.

“Alright bend over and pull your pants down,” Hei Xiazi said perfunctorily as if he sensed that Liu Sang wouldn’t appreciate any more talking.

That was suddenly so soothingly familiar; Wang Can had never prevaricated after they had decided it was time again either.

He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants and pulled them down to pool around his ankles and bent over, the motions familiar in their ritual even if the padded bench and man standing behind him were new.

He expected Hei Xiaizi to just start spanking him, so the barely there pat had him flinching in surprise, the comfortable, familiar, feeling he had had suddenly vanished and he tensed, uncertain again.

“Liu Sang?” Hei Xiazi prompted after way too long of nothing else happening.

“Yeah?” Liu Sang asked, hoping his voice wasn’t tight with nerves, but knowing he had failed in that.

“Do you want to stop?” Hei Xiazi asked, surprising Liu Sang.

“No!” Liu Sang said, his voice loud and echoing with more force than he had meant to put into it. He was here, he was doing this, if he stopped, he’d never get up the courage again, and he needed this, he wanted this. He tried to relax again, to show he was willing. He could do this. He could. His Ouxiang trusted Hei Xiazi. It would be fine.

“Then count.”

“One?” Liu sang asked obediently, suddenly realizing that pat was meant to be the first one. Wang Can had always just started with a full on, even pace, even slap, unchanging for twenty-three spanks, each one drawing him inexorably down to the space he craved.

Hei Xiazi patted his butt again, maybe slightly harder, and Liu Sang obediently answered with, “Two,” though he hoped they would actually start soon. Each one got steadily more intense, but they got to ten before they even got close to the strength of Wang Can’s spanks. Liu Sang was never going to reach subspace at this point. The itch under his skin wasn’t going to be soothed.

On ‘eleven’ Liu Sang growled in frustration, “Get on with it already. I can take much more than this.”

“I see. In that case I think you need to start counting over again,” Hei Xiazi said without missing a beat.

Liu Sang relaxed in relief, only to tense up at a nice strong, finally, spank, and said, “One”. There was a pause, and a second and third came quickly. Unlike the even spanks of Wang Can, Hei Xiazi’s rhythm was best described as chaotic. He never knew when each was going to hit and he’d tense and it would hurt more, and it just kind of sucked. He felt too off kilter to sink into that meditative state he usually fell in and all in all when he gritted out twenty-three and Hei Xiazi stopped, he just felt sore and tired, and maybe he wanted to cry a little in frustration. The itch under his skin was muted, at least partially satisfied, but he could tell it wasn’t fully acquiesced and it would be back in a day or two, unlike the couple weeks of relief he usually got.

“Liu Sang?” Hei Xiazi asked in a questioning tone, and put a hand on his shoulder. Liu Sang flinched away from the unexpected touch and Hei Xiazi quickly removed his hand. “Do you think you can stand up?”

Liu Sang nodded and pushed himself up and mechanically pulled his pants up, hands only trembling slightly. Hei Xiazi gestured at the couch and Liu Sang noticed that he carefully didn’t try to touch Liu Sang again. Liu Sang appreciated that kindness.

He sat on the couch and winced at the familiar pain before he got used to it, though despite the higher number of total spanks, he thought it maybe wasn’t as sharp as it usually was. That was something good at least. Hei Xiazi started the podcast he had previewed earlier and sat next to him on the couch, far enough away that they wouldn’t accidentally touch, then opened up one of the snacks and offered it and a juice bottle to Liu Sang.

Liu Sang took the juice first, his clumsy hand brushing briefly against Hei Xiazi’s, which was… okay, and drank it before taking the snack, no hands meeting this time, and was that regret?, and eating it slowly, starting to feel less frustrated and more with it again. He missed Wang Can, but this could maybe work. He just had to get used to it. That was, if Hei Xiazi was willing to do it again. Maybe he’d even ask Hei Xiaizi if he could spank him more predictably. He hadn’t realized that he had needed to specify that. He hadn't realized that there was more than one way to spank someone. He also really liked that Zhang Qiling trusted Hei Xiazi. He thought maybe this could work. Even if it hadn’t really worked out today.

Hei Xiazi watched him eat, and ate some snacks of his own too. It felt companionable, and not awkward in the least.

When Liu Sang finished his snack, he felt ready to leave. It wasn’t as long as him and Wang Can would cuddle, but he also didn’t quite get to where he usually got, so it probably balanced out in the end.

“You didn’t go into subspace did you?” Hei Xiazi asked, echoing Liu Sang’s own thoughts.

Liu Sang knew that that was the name for the meditative state he usually went into, but he and Wang Can had never called it that and Liu Sang wasn’t in the habit of thinking of it as ‘subspace’. It sounded so crass to him. He shrugged noncommittally, not wanting to hurt Hei Xiazi’s feelings for failing.

“That’s alright. In fact it’s completely normal for the first few sessions as we get to know each other and build up trust and familiarity. I have another appointment slot free this time next week. If you want it, that can be your weekly time until we build up a rapport, and we can see if you want it less often. Now, don’t answer me now, sleep on it, see if you're comfortable with that, call the office tomorrow with your answer. If you choose to, we’ll talk next time about what worked and what didn’t. Okay?”

Liu Sang nodded.

“Great, I’ll see you out.”

Zhang Qiling was waiting in the lobby when they got there and Liu Sang left with him on the back of his motorbike. He tried not to take too much enjoyment over the feeling of pressing up against another body that he trusted. Wang Can hadn’t been perfect but at least they had had that. Liu Sang missed touch, but it wasn’t exactly an easy thing for him. He kept his hands exactly where he had the last ride and leaned in exactly as much as he had earlier, and he did not take even a millimeter more than he needed to safely stay on the bike. Still, he was disappointed when they got to their destination, though he didn’t dally even a second, not even a millisecond, in getting off the bike and placing familiar distance between them. He missed the warmth immediately, and wrapped his arms around himself in poor recompense.

Zhang Qiling gave him a look, but thankfully, didn’t say anything as they made their way up the elevator, from the underground parking structure, and through the door of the Iron Triangle’s apartment. The smells and sounds of a lived in home like a second barrier to be overcome.

“You’re home!” Pangzi greeted from the kitchen, emerging with a waft of spices and warmth. Liu Sang stood to the side, still hugging himself, as Pangzi embraced Zhang Qiling in a hug. Then Pangzi released Zhang Qiling and turned to Liu Sang. Liu Sang took a half step forward in an aborted motion, before he worried that Pangzi may not want to hug him too, and Liu Sang stepped back again, immediately regretting his lack of bravery. Maybe next time. Pangzi just smiled and said, “Glad you could come tonight. Sit, sit, dinner will be ready in a bit.” Then Pangzi went back into the kitchen, leaving behind the smell of chicken and cloves and, despite the recent snack, Liu Sang’s stomach gurgled loudly.

Dinner was a lively affair, as it always was with the Iron Triangle, and by the time it was over, the last twenty-four hours caught up with him, and, exhausted, he accepted the invitation to stay in their guest room. He’d done that often enough to have a spare set of clothes and pajamas and other things he needed for a night. Ever since Wang Can had left, they’d been inviting him over more often. He knew it was out of pity, and maybe a bit wanting to make sure he stayed in line and didn’t do something stupid again, but he usually said yes anyways. It was nice being around them. It was nice to have a place to go to other than work, nice to feel welcomed. He’d selfishly take it, even if it wasn’t meant for him.

Chapter Text

When he woke up he stared at the card Hei Xiazi had given him with the admonishment to call. He didn’t call. When he got dressed for the day he put the card in his pants pocket. The itch wasn’t quite there, but he knew it would be back all too soon. His Ouxiang trusted Hei Xiazi, maybe Liu Sang could too. He couldn't imagine himself trusting some random stranger, so this would have to do. His stomach rumbled as he made his way to the kitchen.

He wasn’t surprised to see Zhang Qiling sipping from a clear glass a liquid that was half foam, and half white with about only the essence of brown coffee coloring it. He knew from experience it was also about half sugar. He shuddered and gratefully took the mug full of black sugarless coffee that Pangzi handed to him. He didn’t like the taste, but he found the warmth soothing and the stronger than tea caffeine necessary. He liked thinking that the bitterness was as off putting as he knew he himself was.

He was still confused with how often he had been invited over, and even invited into staying the night. Often enough to have his own drawer in the guest room. He knew Zhang Qiling’s boyfriends just wanted to keep a close eye on Zhang Qiling’s work partner and make sure he was behaving appropriately. He still regretted taking that picture of his Ouxiang when they had first met and he had thought that Zhang Qiling wasn’t watching him. He had looked up to the man for years, and he had just wanted proof that the man was real, but really, his Ouxiang was a real person, and Liu Sang should have asked first. Or just not done it at all. He’d kept a short leash on such boundary crossing impulses since- at least after it had been explained to him how it hadn’t been appropriate. He still felt embarrassed at the dressing down he had gotten via voice text when Pangzi had found out about it. Liu Sang still wasn’t sure how Pangzi had found out; he hadn’t posted the picture anywhere, he had known that was crossing a line.

Still, it was probably good for Zhang Qiling’s boyfriends to keep a close eye on Liu Sang. He couldn’t be trusted to always know what was acceptable and what was not, he was trying though.

“Any plans for the day?” Wu Xie asked.

Liu Sang didn’t answer, waiting for Zhang Qiling to answer first. When Zhang Qiling was silent, just drinking his ‘coffee’, Liu Sang realized Wu Xie was probably talking to him and said, “Probably go for a run.”

“The whole day?” Wu Xie asked.

Liu Sang just shrugged. Running was its own meditation. It would allow him to get out of his head, get too exhausted he wouldn’t care. Give him some time to think about what he should say to Hei Xiazi. He already knew his answer.

“Have fun,” Wu Xie said.

Liu Sang ended up running all the way back to the station. It was a route he was getting familiar with whenever he felt the need to run and couldn’t stand the thought of even a second on a crowded, screeching, subway. Running wasn’t exactly quiet, especially through the crowded city, but it created a bubble of protecting sound around him. His own breath, heart beat, and foot falls buffering the world from intruding on him.

When he got back to his dorm building, he took a shower then sat on his bed as he toweled his hair dry. He looked over at the empty twin bed that used to be Wang Can’s. At least he had the room to himself for now and they hadn’t yet given him a new roommate.

He took the card out of his pocket and stared at it for a couple of minutes before shaking his head and dialing the number before he could change his mind.

He hated talking on phones, they compressed the audio so much it wasn’t even the same voice. It sounded wrong and grated on his mind and meant he wasn’t sure if the voice that answered was the same as the secretary he had seen when he had gone to his appointment.

He gave his name and asked if the time Hei Xiazi had said would be available still was. She confirmed it was and scheduled him for next week, and offered to make it recurring. Liu Sang agreed, and with that, it was settled.

He looked over again at the stripped off bed that had been Wang Can’s. He’d ended up with the room to himself ever since Wang Can had left and he wondered when they’d assign him someone new. He wasn’t looking forward to that, but also wondered if he’d feel less lonely. He shoved the thought as far down as he could.

In the morning, his alarm vibrated and he turned it off before it could escalate into noise. He quickly dressed in his uniform and left the dorms. The station was on the other side of an open green area that took him only a couple of minutes to walk to, faster if it was an emergency and he ran.

He made it to the briefing room exactly on time for the previous shift to hand the shift off to them. There was nothing eventful that they needed to know about and Liu Sang grabbed a tray of food from the cafeteria, hoping that he would get to eat it before the bell rang. Some firefighters chose to eat breakfast first, to ensure they would actually get to eat, but Liu Sang had learned that it wasn’t that often that they had a call right at the start, and it was a risk he was willing to take, and he could eat really fast if motivated. It was worth the extra sleep.

When he sat down Kan Jian sat across from him. “Have a good couple days off A-Sang?” Kan Jian asked.

Liu Sang nodded as he continued to eat, not pausing to speak yet. At first he had been confused at Kan Jian’s friendliness, it had felt off-putting when they had first met and Liu Sang had no idea who he was, and this guy kept pretending to be his friend. Liu Sang quickly learned it wasn’t pretending and Kan Jian was just Friendly, with a capital F. Or maybe friendly was the wrong word. Honest, open, unabashedly and one hundred percent himself and himself was a good person that Liu Sang liked to be around.

When Liu Sang finished eating enough that he wouldn’t mind if they got called in he said, “Spent one night at the Iron Triangle’s, had dinner.” Liu Sang didn’t want to mention his scene with Hei Xiazi. If Kan Jian was a sub, maybe he’d ask him for advice, but he didn’t think Kan Jian was, or at least he never talked about subbing and it seemed wrong to talk about it with him when he’d never talked about it before.

Kan Jian smiled happily, seemingly unaware of Liu Sang overthinking things, “Pangzi makes the best food.”

Liu Sang nodded in response, absurdly wondering if the Iron Triangle rotated through Zhang Qiling’s coworkers and he wasn’t actually special, then shook the thought away and got up to put his dishes in the bin and headed to the gym.

It was shaping out to be a quiet day, not that he’d say that out loud, not that he believed in that superstition, but he’d encountered enough weird things that he was fully ready to believe it and would never risk it. He was definitely no slouch when it came to weights, but no one could outbench Kan Jian. Though captain Ning had come close.

Chapter Text

A week passed, mundane in its normalcy, and it was Tuesday morning again and Liu Sang was looking forward to his days off- and Hei Xiazi. He could feel that itch building up, and he was nervous it would barely work again, but oh did he want it to.

He didn’t tell Zhang Qiling, but he must have known somehow, for when they got off shift he asked Liu Sang, “Do you want a ride this afternoon?”

“You don’t have to Ouxiang. I can take the bus,” Liu Sang protested, not wanting to impose.

Zhang Qiling nodded and said, “You can. I’ll give you a ride.”

Liu Sang knew that if he protested again, Zhang Qiling would drop it, but a ride would be nice, and if he looked forward to its intimacy no one had to know. So he nodded and said his goodbyes to take a nap before his appointment.

When he woke up he ate a quick snack and went outside to see his Ouxiang already waiting. He took the offered helmet and swung his leg onto the back of the motorcycle. He still felt guilty for how much he enjoyed being this close to his Ouxiang. He wondered if maybe he could ask Hei Xiazi for a hug this time. If it would be okay, even though they were still mostly strangers, and if his own stupid brain would accept it.

He and Wang Can had never been the hugging, touchy-feely type of brothers and the little cuddling they did after a scene, the casual touches as they lived together wasn’t something he had realized he would crave so much when he no longer had them.

Zhang Qiling didn’t come into the building with him this time, and Liu Sang did say no to a ride back afterwards. That would have really been too much when Zhang Qiling should be able to go home to his boyfriends and not have to think about going out again.

This time, Liu Sang had to wait in the lobby for a couple of minutes until Hei Xiazi came out. Hei Xaizi smiled, but didn’t reach out to touch him. “Liu Sang, good to see you again. Come on back with me, okay?”

Liu Sang stood up and followed Hei Xiazi. He had thought that this time they would just go straight into the room that they had ended up in last time, but instead Hei Xiazi led him into the office again.

Liu Sang sat down stiffly in the chair he had used last time. Did he do something wrong? He was in trouble, he wasn’t good enough, he wasn’t experienced enough, Hei Xiazi was just trying to think of a way to let him down -

“Whatever your thinking, that’s causing you to be anxious, say,” Hei Xiazi interrupted.

“You don’t need to. I’ll just go,” Liu Sang said and was half way out of his chair before Hei Xiazi said, “Stop”

Liu Sang paused, half squatted over his chair and didn’t move as he wished he hadn’t turned the white noise on his ear buds up so high so that he could listen for any hint that might tell him what Hei Xiazi meant.

“Sit down,” Hei Xiazi said, it would have been an order except for the way it was drawled. “I don’t want you to go. I brought you here first so we could talk about how you want today to go in a neutral setting.”

Liu Sang let go of the chair and sat down again, practically falling in his relief that it wasn’t some bigger deal, why had he thought that? “I thought we already discussed that last time?”

“We did,” Hei Xiazi said agreeably. “Now let's discuss how you want it to be different this time. What worked and what didn’t.”

“Oh, okay,” Liu Sang said, proud that his voice came out steady.

“So, talk.”

Liu Sang blinked at the abruptness and took a deep breath to say the words he had been thinking about saying for the whole week. They still felt too big in his mouth. “I would like consistency in strength and speed.” There. That hadn’t been too bad.

“Okay. Consistency, I can give you that,” Hei Xiazi said like it was just another Tuesday, and well, Liu Sang supposed that it was. “What else?”

Liu Sang hadn’t thought that he could ask for more things, hadn’t really thought he’d be asked at all. But, there was the offer, and he might as well ask for what he really wanted. “Can you just do the hard slaps? Not what you did before.”

“Skip the warm up?” Hei Xiazi clarified, eyebrows going up above the sunglasses that Liu Sang had yet to see him take off.

If that’s what he called it. “Yeah.”

“Liu Sang, warming up is an essential part of safety. I won’t make you count them, if you don’t want to, but I will have to insist on it, or we do something else.”

“Never warmed up before, and I was always fine,” Liu Sang tried to protest. It wasn’t a big deal, but it seemed like such a waste of time. He could feel his face heating up in embarrassment at breaking some kind of rule. He shouldn’t have asked for anything more than he had absolutely needed. He was too ignorant. He really should have tried to find out more before attempting this.

Hei Xiazi was silent for a beat too long before he spoke. “Liu Sang,” he said, and his voice was too quiet, too gentle, putting Liu Sang instantly on the defensive. “I’m sorry your past doms never took good care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

“How dare you!” Liu Sang said, standing up, angry on Wang Can’s behalf. “You don’t know Wang Can. What we had worked. It was good. And if he hadn’t moved, I’d still have it. It’s not like anyone taught us how to do things, we did the best we knew how. He took care of me. We took care of each other, you don’t get to judge.”

“Did you not attend the dynamic classes?”

Liu Sang blinked, deflating when the expected further attack of Wang Can didn’t come. “We were homeschooled. That wasn’t deemed important.” He knew that their upbringing was… unconventional to say the least, but he hadn’t realized how much he didn’t know about dynamics until he and Wang Can were on their own, struggling to make sense of things. He had thought they had done a good job. They had survived after all.

“I’m sorry for assuming Liu Sang. Warming up is important, just like aftercare, and like aftercare, it’s non-negotiable for me. However if that’s not something you're comfortable with we can discuss another direction we can go today.”

“It’s fine,” Liu Sang said, sinking back down into his chair, energy depleted. “We did know about aftercare. He was really good at it.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Anything else that didn’t work between us?” Hei Xiazi asked, seeming to deem the subject closed now that Liu Sang had agreed to the warm up.

“No. I just. I knew Wang Can. I trusted him. You’re still a stranger, and Ouxiang trusts you, so I don’t not trust you, and I want this to work out, but I, I need to adjust still.”

“I like green pepper fried rice,” Hei Xiazi said, apropos of nothing, though that did explain the large variety of ready-made fried rice packs.

“Umm okay?”

“I am a stranger, that’s true, but now you know my favorite food. So a little less of a stranger,” Hei Xiazi said.

“You're ridiculous,” Liu Sang said, covering his mouth with his hand to hide a sudden, unexpected, smile. He could see why his Ouxiang trusted him.

“Of course. So. What worked?” Hei Xiazi asked again. He was like a terrier with a rat.

“The podcast was good. And the snacks.”

“That’s good. I do pride myself on my snack availability. Anything else?” Hei Xiazi asked again, and Liu Sang got the distinct impression that he would keep asking until Liu Sang didn’t have anything left to say.

Liu Sang shook his head.

“That’s okay. I have something. When I touched you after I finished spanking you, you flinched.”

Liu Sang had hoped that he hadn’t noticed. Just one more thing to be embarrassed about messing up. “I’m sorry,” Liu Sang said, refusing to look at Hei Xiazi.

“That’s not a judgment or a failing. It’s an observation. So, do you not want me to touch you outside of the spanking?”

“No. Yes,” Liu Sang said. Ashamed of his want, but also scared of it, unsure if he really wanted it. Something in his skin felt like it would crawl at the thought of a stranger touching him, but at the same time, he remembered how happy Ouxiang had looked when Hei Xiaizi hugged him. He wanted that. Wanted to want that.

“Well that certainly cleared things up,” Hei Xiazi said in a very joking tone of voice.

Liu Sang laughed, feeling more at ease with the release. “I… I’m really not sure. I want to want it?”

“Okay, how about this, we try it, you change your mind we’ll have a specific word for you not wanting any more touch that’s not your safeword. How’s that sound?”

Liu Sang relaxed. “Sure, yeah, let’s try.”

“How about ‘orange’?” Hei Xiazi pressed.

“Okay,” Liu Sang agreed. His hands hurt and he realized how hard he was gripping them. He forced himself to unclench his hands and take a deep breath.

“Well, if you don’t have anything else, how about we head to the room?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang nodded and followed him to the room. It was the same one as last time, and before his nerves or any sense of awkwardness could overcome him, he went to the same padded bench, pulled his pants down and bent over. He thought it was maybe slightly lower this time, but it was fine. Close enough.

There was a hesitation as Hei Xiaizi breathed in, one only Liu Sang with his training could have heard, but still, Liu Sang tensed. They hadn’t even started and he had already messed up.

“Good. Let’s get started. I won’t make you count the warm up this time, unless you want to?”

“No thank you,” Liu Sang said politely, his whole body tense.

Then Hei Xiazi started. The first slap hit his tense butt, and he forced himself to try to relax into it. The slaps continued, like a metronome in their speed, and Liu Sang found himself relaxing more. Maybe there was something to this warm up thing. Now that he knew what to expect, he actually kind of liked it. He’d have to tell Wang Can about it. The slaps got steadily stronger until Liu Sang wondered if he should be counting yet, but Hei Xiazi hadn’t said anything, so he just let what was happening wash over him.

Finally Hei Xiazi paused on the uptick of his internal metronome and said, quietly, “Start counting.” Before the next slap hit at the exact time it should have but with a lot more intensity.

Liu Sang was almost so distracted by the change that he almost forgot, and had to let out a very quick ‘One’ before the next slap came. His whole butt felt warm and tingly from the latest slap. He didn’t forget to count any of the other’s, and when he gasped out the final ‘twenty-three’ he sagged into the cushion of the bench with a feeling of relief and satisfaction.

Hei Xiazi put his hand on Liu Sang’s shirt-covered shoulder, and it took Liu Sang a moment to process that it was not Wang Can’s hand, so lost was he in his head. He felt a tingle of unease, but it was also warm and nice so he didn’t say his word to get Hei Xiazi to let go.

“Come on, let's get you to the couch, yeah?” Hei Xiazi murmured.

Liu Sang hummed in assent, but didn’t do anything to make that happen.

Hei Xiaizi removed his hand from Liu Sang’s shoulder, and Liu Sang almost whimpered. Hei Xiazi crouched down, and Liu Sang blearily pushed himself up on his elbows to see what he was doing.

Hei Xiazi looked back at him and moved slowly to where Liu Sang’s pants were around his ankles, and then slowly pulled them up and over Liu Sang’s underwear. It felt incredibly intimate and Liu Sang buried his blushing face in his arms. He didn’t stop Hei Xiazi though.

Finally, with Hei Xiazi’s helping hand back on his shoulder, Liu Sang stood up then zipped up his pants himself, that would have definitely been too much if Hei Xiazi had done that.

Hei Xiazi kept a hand on Liu Sang’s shoulder as he guided Liu Sang over to the couch. Hei Xiazi sat down first and Liu Sang slowly lowered himself down, the extra burn in his behind grounding in a way the aches from work never did. Liu Sang, tentatively, wanting more connection, leaned into Hei Xiazi, whose body was very much not Wang Can’s, and Liu Sang suddenly felt uncomfortable with the closeness.

“Nope,” Liu Sang said and pulled away, scooting a bit over on the couch to further the distance.

Hei Xiazi appeared to take this in stride as he didn’t say anything, just handed Liu Sang a water bottle and started the podcast. It was in the middle of a different episode than the one they had left off on last time but it did its job in bringing Liu Sang back to a normal headspace that, once in, he realized he had earlier gotten into a different one. The one he was here for. Maybe not as much as when it was Wang Can, but still, it felt good. It felt promising.

When Liu Sang finished eating the snack that he had picked out, Hei Xiazi paused the podcast and asked, “How are you feeling Liu Sang?”

Liu Sang nodded, “Good.” He had gotten way more into it than he had thought at the time, but he didn’t feel at all fuzzy or out of it any more, just loose and happy-calm.

Hei Xiazi walked him to the door and Liu Sang debated taking the subway or running home. He decided he felt too good to want to ruin it with the sound and business of the subway, and he didn’t have anywhere to be, so he walked instead of ran, the loose feeling of his limbs accompanying him the whole time.

Interlude
Liu Sang got up as normal and made his way to the cafeteria for food. He had just gotten his breakfast and had the spoon halfway to his mouth when the alarm went off. He threw the spoon down and rushed to get ready. Just his luck that they’d have an early morning call. That was okay, the extra sleep was still worth it.

Though he really could have done without having to deal with fire first thing in the morning, he was ready for it. Had trained for it. Had faced his fears head on and won. If he was sweating a little too much in his outfit, no one would know. He had trained for this after all.

They put out the fire easily under Captain Ning’s instruction and the rest of the week continued as normal.

During one of the gaps in time, he had called Wang Can, who, miraculously, was also free. When he mentioned the thing about warming up, Wang Can said, “Didi. Sorry. I am learning that there was a lot we didn’t know. That I did wrong.”

Liu Sang had, of course, protested. He didn’t blame Wang Can. But he was glad his brother was learning too.

When their shift ended, Xiaoge said, “Come for dinner tonight. Pangzi and Wu Xie miss you.”

Liu Sang felt helpless to say no to that. He really did like hanging out with the Iron Triangle and he liked that they kept inviting him over.

When he woke up after his post-shift nap, he got on the train to head over. His Ouxiang hadn’t specified a specific time, but sometime in the afternoon always seemed to be good.

It wasn’t yet time to start dinner when he knocked on the door, and he wasn’t surprised when Pangzi opened it to greet him.

“Sangbei’er! Xiaoge said he’d convinced you to come. Come in, come in!” Pangzi said, his voice welcoming and soothing the slight annoyance that the noise of the train ride had induced. Pangzi stepped to the side to give Liu Sang space to enter, and Liu Sang thought that this time he’d try to get a hug.

He took a little step closer to Pangzi than he normally did and reached out a hand. But when Pangzi moved his hand to… take it? Intercept it? Liu Sang wimped out and side stepped, entering the apartment fully, Pangzi smiled and let his hand fall and the moment was gone.

In the living room, Wu Xie was writing in his journal and his Ouxiang had his head on Wu Xie’s lap, his eyes closed. They looked so comfortable like that and Liu Sang was full of yearning for that casual intimacy.

Liu Sang blinked and the weird feelings he had passed as his Ouxiang rubbed his eyes and sat up, and gave what passed for a smile from him in Liu Sang’s direction.

Chapter Text

“Last time you mentioned you didn’t get any of the dynamic schooling,” Hei Xiazi said, and Liu Sang tensed up in defense. Hei Xiazi must have noticed, for he put his hands out in a placating gesture and said, “I’m not blaming you. That’s not your fault. But if you're interested, I have some reading materials I put together that might help explain anything or any gaps you might still have.”

Liu Sang relaxed. He guessed that was okay. A second later he tensed again when he saw the size of the stack Hei Xiazi brought out from behind him, there was no way he could read all that!

“Ahh. I may have collected a lot. The first couple books are overviews, some things you may have already picked up, but it’s good, factual information. The other books go more deeply into specific subjects. I tried to pick ones you might be interested in based off of your interest list, but if you have any questions or want to know more about anything, I can find others and answer what I can. Now, I won’t tell you to read them, but please skim the first one at the very least if you’re going to be scening with people outside me or my agency. As a safety thing.”

“I can do that,”Liu Sang agreed. It might be nice to learn what else he was missing out on, like warming up, which he had decided that he quite enjoyed.

“Great. Now, tell me how last time went, and what you are hoping for today.” Hei Xiazi said, and Liu Sang realized he’d be asked this every time.

“More of the same? I. Warm up was good. I liked that,” Liu Sang admitted. It was easier to admit to that than last time. Already he felt more comfortable with Hei Xiazi. Remembering last week he was anticipatory of today. Not nervous. Excited. He liked that feeling.

“That’s good to hear. You went into subspace a little last time, if I judged correctly?”

Subspace. Because he was a sub. Liu Sang wrinkled his nose at the term but agreed. “Yeah, a little.”

“What’s that face for?”

Liu Sang hesitated, but Hei Xiazi already knew he had no education on this, so he wouldn’t lose anything for saying it. “I just never liked that term. It always seemed, I dunno. Just felt belittling.”

“Okay is there another term?”

Liu Sang shrugged.

“Under? Spacing? Down deep?”

“It’s fine,” Liu Sang said, his eyes flicking to the door.

“Alright, I won’t push. Why don’t we go to the other room?”

Liu Sang stood up quickly in agreement, the twinge of uneasiness of the conversation being subsumed by the anticipation of what was to come.

When they got to the room he hesitated. Last time Hei Xiazi had seemed surprised that he had just bent over. He glanced at Hei Xiazi wondering if there was something else he was supposed to do first.

Hei Xiazi just waved lazily at the bench and drawled, “Make yourself comfortable.”

So Liu Sang did, the bench surprisingly at the perfect height already this time, and Hei Xiazi started in with the warm up, then the firm hard slaps that made Liu Sang close his eyes in bliss. The pain was perfectly centering and nothing else mattered but the feel and sound of the slap, his own voice echoing the numbers. He was finding it hard to keep track of the numbers and was surprised when a new slap didn’t land and had to trace back his memory to realize that it had already been twenty three.

Hei Xiazi’s hand on his shoulder felt good and he hummed in appreciation of that as Hei Xiazi carefully pulled up his pants. Liu Sang felt too boneless to move and leaned heavily into Hei Xiazi as Hei Xiazi brought him upright.

“Okay there Liu Sang. Let's get you to the couch huh?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang hummed in agreement, but didn’t bother to make any movements in that direction.

“Alright, let Hei-ye do all the work then,” Hei Xiazi said and got a firmer grip around Liu Sang’s waist. Liu Sang decided to help with his legs a little bit, and they made it to the couch. Liu Sang flopped against Hei Xiazi’s side, and appreciated Hei Xiazi’s warm arm around his back.

The podcast started up and Liu Sang rubbed his face against Hei Xiazi’s shoulder before he felt present enough to lift it up and accept the juice that Hei Xiazi handed him. He drank it slowly and handed it back in favor of some snacks when Hei Xiazi offered them too. Slowly he was able to focus more on the podcast as he started to feel with reality again. Hei Xiazi’s arm still felt nice, but the urge to pull away was stronger, so he did. As he moved away he realized that his pants were still unzipped and blushed as he did them up. Wow, he had really been out of it. He felt good now though. Loose and happy and accomplished, the itch a distant memory.

“You back with us Liu Sang?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang nodded, then said, “Yes. Thank you.”

“You safe to head home or do you want to call someone to come pick you up?”

Liu Sang blinked. “I’m good now. That. That was good. Thank you.”

Interlude

The next day Liu Sang woke up and realized that he felt good. He had finally felt comfortable cuddling with Hei Xiazi and it had been everything he could have wanted. The scene had left his body no longer feeling itchy and too big for his skin. It was really working. He floated through his whole day off and easily woke up for his work alarm the next morning.

He quickly made his way to the mess hall and grabbed some congee. He sat down and absently took a spoonful, still thinking about the day before.

“Yo! Liu Sang! Hot date last night?” a voice shouted.

Liu Sang looked up in time to see Huo Daofu smack Yang Hao upside the head with a muttered, “Idiot.”

Liu Sang ignored them. The professional services of one Hei Xiazi definitely trumped an imaginary ‘hot date’. He liked having clear expectations and boundaries, and had no interest in dating now that he knew that professional services were a thing, especially since their insurance covered them.

He was too distracted in his eating, and really this was why he normally ate fast, that he wasn’t even close to done when the alarm went off and he had to abandon his food in liu of his duty. Second time in as many months and if this happened again, it was going to become a common thing and he’d have to maybe reconsider his whole schedule.

The call was, like the other early morning call, to a fire at an abandoned warehouse. When they got there, Captain Ning instructed Liu Sang to check if it really was abandoned. After a couple minutes of listening, he nodded, “It’s abandoned.”

“Good, you all know your duties. Put this fire out, and don’t let it spread,” Captain Ning said, and like the well-oiled machine that worked so well together that they were, they went.

The fire was quickly put out, though it was getting to be a hot day and Liu Sang was already sweating in his gear by the time they finished up. He was rolling the hose up when his stomach growled loudly enough that Zhang Qiling next to him heard and gave him a look.

“Didn’t finish breakfast,” Liu Sang said.

Zhang Qiling nodded, like that answered a question he hadn’t asked.

When they were buckled into their seats, Zhang Qiling held out his hand with something in it to Liu Sang. Liu Sang took it, politely, unsure what it was. When he brought it to his face he realized it was a little plastic bag full of shelled peanuts. Liu Sang looked back at Zhang Qiling.

“Pangzi. Worried I’ll go hungry. Eat,” Zhang Qiling said.

Liu Sang ate them thankfully. He really was starving, though they didn’t put much dent in his hunger he felt a soft glow of affection that Zhang Qiling would share his food with him.

“Hey, do you think these fires are arson?” Liu Sang asked, the thought coming to him. Surely it wasn’t normal to have this many fires.

His Ouxiang shrugged, but Captain Ning turned around and said, “It’s not our job to speculate. Our job is to put it out. Let the investigators handle the rest.”

Liu Sang looked at Kan Jian, who just shrugged.

They finally got back to the station, hours after they had left and he finally got to finish his breakfast, though it probably should be called lunch by then. This time, he ate it quickly, not even bothering to reheat it. He was starving.

The weeks grew and Liu Sang got comfortable with his new routine that involved Hei Xiazi and taking advantage of the Iron Triangle’s pity on him being alone by accepting more often than not whenever they invited him over for dinner, which usually led to staying the night in their guest room. If internally he called them his friends, that was okay, even though they probably didn’t return the favor and he felt a little guilty that he kept trying to get closer to them, kept trying to angle for a hug from Pangzi that Pangzi probably didn’t even care to give and was probably frustrated that Liu Sang kept being so weird about it.

Chapter Text

“So, same thing today?” Hei Xiazi asked after he greeted Liu Sang and led him down the hallway.

Liu Sang took one step, a breath, a second, then said, “Actually, I was thinking of something else.” They had gotten into a routine, and it worked and it was good, but he was curious. He wanted to explore, and he now felt comfortable enough to do so, even if his heart beat hard in his chest with nerves.

Hei Xiazi at least seemed to take that in stride and redirected them to the ‘discussion office’ as Liu Sang had deemed it. The last couple of sessions they had just gone directly to the room, nothing needing discussing.

Liu Sang sat down, comforted by the familiar trappings, and trying to calm his racing heart. He took a deep breath and said, as calmly as he could, “I’ve been reading some of the books that you gave me. If it’s not too sudden a request, I was wondering if we could try some bondage? Should I have called before? We can just do the normal today if you need-” He stopped talking, thankful to be interrupted, when Hei Xiazi raised a hand.

“If you want something that requires setup or preparation that we hadn’t discussed last session, then yes, calling is good. We can also discuss things after a session if you feel in the headspace for it, or before for the next one. Now for bondage, that’s quite a large spectrum it covers. Many things are doable today though. What were you thinking specifically?” Hei Xiazi’s tone of voice was, as always, matter of fact and completely lacking in judgment. Familiar. Liu Sang relaxed. He understood why his Ouxiang had trusted him.

Instead of explaining, Liu Sang brought up his phone and opened the picture he had taken from one of the books. It was of the front of a man kneeling down, head lowered, with his hands crossed in front of him, a white rope going up from his wrists to his forearms, then looping around shoulders and back. It had been in the section of beginner ties to try, and the simplicity of it had captivated him. It wasn't something he had considered before, beyond a clinical curiosity, he had been tied down and shoved against a -, well it didn't matter, that hadn’t been fun. But this, this seemed nice. More than nice.

Hei Xiazi brought the phone closer to his face and peered at it, angling the phone sideways and back and forth, and Liu Sang wondered if he had made a huge mistake, if maybe Hei Xiazi had an eye condition or something, and while he could clearly see Liu Sang through his dark glasses, maybe he couldn't see the phone.

He was about to open his mouth to try to describe the picture when Hei Xiazi put the phone down with a little clack and said, “We can do this, but first I’ll need more details. This is the first time you’ll be restrained in this kind of context, right?”

“Yes,” Liu Sang answered.

“Any old shoulder injuries or back injuries or other issues that might make being in this pose hurt?”

He had back injuries, old and scarred. They wouldn’t hurt him though. He was used to them. He hesitated. It was important to tell the truth, but he wasn’t sure if those scars would apply in this case, and he didn’t particularly want to disclose them even though he trusted that Hei Xiazi would probably be completely unfazed by them as he seemed to be by everything else. “I have some very old scarring on my back. It doesn’t affect my job and I don’t think it will affect this,” he finally went with, trying to modulate his tone so as not to sound so defensive. “And-” he took a deep breath- “I don’t want to be shoved face down.” He was pretty sure he’d react badly to that at least.

“Okay, good to know, thank you. If anything does start hurting, tell me. We won’t stop if we don’t have to but we can make adjustments. I don’t want today to be about pain, so that we can focus on bondage and how you react to it, if that sounds good to you?”

“Yeah, okay, I can do that, that sounds good,” Liu Sang said, then realized he was rambling and shut up.

“Great, let's go and get started.”

Liu Sang followed Hei Xiazi to the, now familiar, room.

“Shirt on or off?” Hey Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang thought about it. He wanted to feel the rope against his skin, but his scars were on his back and he wasn't ready for Hei Xiazi to see them. To judge them, though Liu Sang knew he wouldn’t judge. To assume anything. “On,” he said.

“Okay, very well,” Hei Xiazi said, walking around the room. He grabbed a cushion from one of the cabinets and tossed it into the center of the room, then continued walking. He paused at another cabinet and this time brought out a length of dark green rope. “Kneal on the cushion please.”

Liu Sang did so, adjusting himself until he was comfortable and he thought he could stay where he was for a while. As soon as he stilled, Hei Xiazi started unwinding the rope in front of him. Liu Sang stared at it, nervous and excited. The sound of it as it dragged through Hei Xiazi’s hands was enticing and made anticipation pool in his gut. He thought he could smell it too, faintly earthly. He took a deep breath and settled more deeply on his thighs.

“Good. Now hold your hands out and clasp them together like this,” Hei Xiazi held his hands out and gripped them together.

Liu Sang mirrored with his own hands. Hei Xiazi made a loop of the rope and slid it over Liu Sang’s clasped hands. This was it. He was doing it. The rope was holding his hands together. He could feel it rubbing against the backs of his hands, solid and there and silky smooth like a well worn shirt. He twisted his hand a little to feel it more and closed his eyes at the sensation in order to more fully focus on it.

“Still,” Hei Xiazi commanded quietly.

Liu Sang stilled guiltily but didn’t open his eyes, and Hei Xiazi put his hand over the rope that was over Liu Sang’s hands. The warmth was grounding. Somewhere outside the soundproofing of the room a floorboard creaked and Liu Sang realized his hearing was drifting and he brought it back to focus on Hei Xiazi. His steady heartbeat, so much like Zhang Qiling’s, the creaking of his leather jacket as he shifted, soothing, familiar noises.

“How does this feel? Are you comfortable continuing?” Hei Xiazi asked, voice low and quiet. Centering. Familiar.

Great. Amazing. Not enough. “Yes, please,” Liu Sang breathed out and was surprised at how not like himself his voice sounded. Breathy as if it wasn’t anchored to gravity anymore and he would float away.

Hei Xiazi shifted, a slight huff of displaced air painting a picture Liu Sang didn’t need eyes to see, and removed his hands. The warmth felt like loss, but the rope that replaced it felt better. Silently, entranced, not moving, Liu Sang listened as Hei Xiazi wrapped the rope around and around him in soft foot steps and the shhh-shh of the rope as it settled on his body, and then tied it off and moved back slightly, the space around him feeling and sounding empty. Unconsciously he clicked his mouth to get a better picture of where Hei Xiazi had moved too. Still in front of him. Not far. It never even occurred to him to open his eyes to check.

“Okay now you can move. Feel it,” Hei Xiazi’s voice said, breaking the non-silence, and, released from the order to not move, he swayed toward his voice, then caught himself on the feeling of the constricting ropes and moved back upright. He inhaled deeper and felt the ropes stretch over his torso, grounding and glorious and tethering.

Liu Sang, when he had thought about it, had imagined liking the feeling of being restrained by someone he trusted. He hadn’t thought of the ropes too much other than that they would exist and that he might like them digging into his skin providing points of contact. He had not been prepared for how good the rope felt against his wrists and up his forearms. It was silky cool, was it actual silk? Was that a thing? It sounded smooth and slippery as Hei Xiazi had rubbed his hands down it, the warmth transferring between the gaps of the rope onto Liu Sang’s skin.

He tentatively pulled his wrists apart to feel the stretch, the binding. Yeah. He definitely liked that.

“How does that feel Liu Sang?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“Mmm,” Liu sang answered.

“Want to use your words?”

Liu Sang shook his head, but said out loud, “Good”, some fear in the back of his mind worrying that Hei Xiazi would take the ropes away if he didn’t say anything.

Hei Xiazi chuckled, not meanly, and placed a hand against the side of his head. Liu Sang turned into it and just relaxed into the bonds.

He whimpered in protest and finally opened his eyes when Hei Xiazi took his hand away some indeterminate amount of time later. The world felt overbright and big, he half closed his eyes in protest.

“I know. But it’s time I let you out of these,” Hei Xiazi said as he undid the rope around Liu Sang’s back and arms. When the rope was all gone, Liu Sang felt unanchored, like the rope had been the only thing holding him down and now he could just float away.

“Come on up, let's go to the couch.”

Liu Sang tried to stand up, and managed it, but only because Hei Xiazi had a firm hand around his upper arm. When they got to the couch, Liu Sang didn’t so much sit as fall onto it.

“You went deep huh?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang shrugged, not really ready to engage yet, and buried his face into Hei Xiazi’s shoulder.

“Okay here, have some juice.”

Liu Sang shook his head, that would mean removing his face from the nice warm cave of Hei Xiazi’s shoulder, but he knew he’d have to leave eventually so he took a deep breath and pushed himself away enough to take the juice. Sugary and a little sour and delicious. He took the snack that was handed to him next and nibbled at it. The podcast playing in the background was soothing, and by now the narrator’s voice was very familiar.

When the podcast turned off Liu Sang looked up in surprise. How long had they been listening? Was it time for him to leave now? He didn’t really feel with it enough yet. Usually by this time he felt more aware of his surroundings, but time seemed to not be moving right still.

“Is Yaba coming to pick you up?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang shook his head. Ouxiang sometimes did. That wasn’t unusual, but he didn’t remember making any plans today.

“Someone else?” Hei Xiazi asked again. Which, no one else had ever come, why would Hei Xiazi think that?

Liu Sang shook his head, then grounded himself enough to say, “Taking the bus back.”

“Is there someone you can call to pick you up instead?”

Liu Sang shrugged, though, that was probably a good idea, but currently, bringing it to action seemed like a lot of effort.

“How about I call Yaba. Ask him for you?”

Liu Sang nodded. That seemed like a good decision. He went back to rubbing his face against Hei Xiazi’s shoulder and nibbling at his snack which he discovered was still mostly uneaten.

“Hey, I’m with Liu Sang. Do you think you can come pick him up?” Hei Xiazi spoke into the phone.

“Your work?” The slightly distorted voice of Zhang Qiling asked.

“Yeah. Maybe not the motorcycle though.”

“Injured?” Did Zhang Qiling sound concerned?

“No,” Hei Xiazi looked at Liu Sang and visibly hesitated. “He could use a friend.”

“Went too deep,” Liu Sang murmured, not sure if Zhang Qiling would hear on the other end, “Sorry.”

“Hey, it happens,” Hei Xiazi said to him, even though Liu Sang had been speaking to Zhang Qiling, though if he was on the phone maybe Zhang Qiling couldn’t hear him. Maybe Hei Xiazi thought Liu Sang was talking to him.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes with the van,” Xiaoge said on the line.

“See you then, I'll tell the front desk to expect you and send you back.”

Liu Sang heard the click on the other end of the line. Hei Xiazi dialed another number and when the person on the other end picked up, Liu Sang recognized the telephone voice of the receptionist.

“It’s me,” Xiazi said. “I’m expecting Zhang Qiling to come in about half an hour to pick up Liu Sang, can you send him back when he arrives?”

“Can do. Want me to reschedule your next appointment to later or another day?”

“That would be great, thanks.” Hei Xiaizi then hung up.

Hei Xiazi then went to place his arm back around Liu Sang. Liu Sang pulled away. “I can wait out front for Xiaoge. You don’t have to reschedule your appointments for me.” He was out of it, and he could recognized that taking the bus was probably a bad decision right now, but he could handle sitting in the waiting room.

“You heard that?” Hei Xiazi asked. So he hadn’t known that Liu Sang had heard Zhang Qiling earlier. Huh.

Liu Sang tapped his ear buds, “I wasn’t trying to.”

“I see. And don’t worry anything about the rescheduling. It happens. How about we continue listening to my podcast while we wait for Yaba, yeah?”

Liu Sang nodded, still feeling guilty, but Hei Xiazi had been completely honest when he had said not to worry about it, so he tried not to.

Some time later, Zhang Qiling knocked on the door and, after a glance at Liu Sang, Hei Xiazi got up and opened it.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything, but walked up to Liu Sang and stood in front of him.

“I’m okay Ouxiang. I just got a little too into it. Irresponsible I know. Won’t happen again.”

“If it does, it does,” Hei Xiazi said firmly, planting an equally firm hand on Liu Sang’s shoulder. “We’ll plan for it next time.” Liu sang swayed slightly into Hei Xiazi’s side, his familiar warmth grounding.

“Pangzi’s cooking, come to dinner?” Zhang Qiling asked.

Liu Sang nodded.

Hei Xiazi turned Liu Sang back to him with the hand still on his shoulder, and slowly enveloped Liu Sang in a hug. Liu Sang leaned into it. While hugging him, Hei Xiazi whispered in his ear, “You know the symptoms of dropping right?”

Liu Sang nodded against Hei Xiazi’s chest.

“You call me if you do. I don’t care what time it is.”

Liu Sang nodded again, feeling comforted and cared for. Hei Xiazi might just be his professional, this might be his job, but he treated Liu Sang like he cared about his well being and Liu Sang felt safe with him.

“Good, see you next week,” Hei Xiazi said, letting go.

Feeling more grounded than a hug had any right to provide, Liu Sang silently followed Zhang Qiling out to the van. He wasn’t surprised by the van, he had heard that on the phone after all, but he hadn’t been expecting Wu Xie to be sitting in the driver's seat. He balked a little, off-footed, and suddenly unsure.

Wu Xie smiled a little smile, waved, and then said, “You two sit in the back now, don’t mind me, I'm just a chauffeur tonight.”

Zhang Qiling opened the back door and held it for Liu Sang. Liu Sang got in, and Zhang Qiling followed, choosing to sit in the middle seat instead of the other side. After they both buckled in Zhang Qiling held his hand out as if he was inviting Liu Sang to take it. Liu Sang hesitated, but in the end he was feeling a little cold and still unanchored, so he took it. It was grounding, and they spent the rest of the ride in companionable silence, holding hands, thighs only centimeters apart.

When they got to the Iron Triangle’s place, Zhang Qiling let go of Liu Sang’s hand briefly to get out of the van, but then held his hand out again. Liu Sang took it, feeling a little self-conscious walking through the garage holding hands in front of his Ouxiang’s boyfriend, but Wu Xie was ahead of them and barely paying any attention and didn’t seem to mind anyways.

When they got to the apartment, Liu Sang toed his shoes off and let Zhang Qiling lead him into the living room, still attached by the hand. Wu Xie made a bee line to the kitchen and Liu Sang could see him leaning over Pangzi’s back. “Mmm smells good,” Wu Xie said and stuck a finger in the cooking pot.

“Ack, Tianzhen! Shoo!”

Wu Xie laughed, sticking his finger in his mouth, and Pangzi shook his head.

In the living room, Zhang Qiling sat down and when Liu Sang followed, leaned his head against Liu Sang’s shoulder, his body a warm weight against Liu Sang’s, and neither of them talked. Liu Sang drifted to the comforting homely sounds of Wu Xie and Pangzi in the kitchen. He wondered if he wouldn’t be overstepping if he called them his friends. If maybe he sometimes thought of his Ouxiang as not just Zhang Qiling but also Xiaoge, that was probably okay.

At dinner Liu Sang still didn’t feel like talking, but felt warmed and welcomed everytime one of the three put food in his bowl. After he finished eating, he felt more grounded and normal. There was a glowing feeling in his stomach that the food didn’t quite account for all of. He thought maybe their friendship wasn’t all in his mind.

“I’ll wash up,” Liu Sang said once it was clear that everyone was done eating.

“Ahh, you don’t have to,” Pangzi said at the same time that Zhang Qiling said, “I’ll help.”

So his Ouxiang, maybe sometimes Xiaoge, and Liu Sang washed the dishes. Liu sang washing, and his Ouxiang drying and they didn’t require words. But there were still words he wanted to say.

“Thanks for picking me up and letting me stay. I really appreciate it,” Liu Sang said quietly as he handed a bowl over.

“Any time. I mean it. You're my friend.” He said it so matter of factly as if Liu Sang hadn’t been angsting over whether or not they were friends for weeks. Months. But that was proof. Right?

Liu Sang felt himself blush at that so he turned around and continued washing dishes. That was the first time Zhang Qiling, surely that was an invitation for Xiaoge?, had called him his friend. Were they friends now, for real? That thought felt nice. Zhang Qiling might be his Ouxiang, but he really liked this quiet companionship of the human behind the man he had looked up to for so long.

After he finished washing the dishes, he followed Xiaoge, he smiled at that thought Xiaoge, into the living room, where Pangzi was sitting in the middle of the couch with Wu Xie leaned up on one side of him and Pangzi’s arm around Wu Xie’s back.

Liu Sang hesitated at the entryway, more than anything wanting to be on Pangzi’s other side, to feel that warmth and comfort. He felt Xiaoge next to him and was surprised when Xiaoge took his hand and led him to the couch.

At the couch in front of Pangzi, Xiaoge said, “Sit.”

Liu Sang awkwardly, hesitantly, sat on the couch where Xiaoge indicated. Right next to Pangzi.

“Xiaoge,” Pangzi said pointedly, probably annoyed with how close Liu Sang was. “Ah ignore him Sangbei’er. You don’t need to if you’re not comfortable, Xiaoge is just not using his words.”

And then, Liu Sang threw caution to the winds, he was comfortable and Pangzi would just have to use his own words if he wanted Liu Sang to move, so Liu Sang leaned slightly, oh so slightly, into Pangzi’s side, his torso a line of tension ready to jump away at the first indication he wasn’t wanted.

“Well if that’s how it is,” Pangzi said and slowly, oh so slowly Liu Sang was afraid to breathe, placed his free arm around Liu Sang’s back. Liu Sang relaxed and leaned more heavily into Pangzi. This was a hug. They were hugging, and it was better than anything Liu Sang could have imagined.

He looked up and Xiaoge was looking at him with a smug look on his face, as if he had known that this was what Liu Sang had wanted all this time.

At all three of thems' insistence he spent the night in the guest room. Well, he had been offered their bed, but he drew the line there. He knew they were just worried about him dropping, and he wasn’t even close to it, the post dinner cuddling had thoroughly chased any chance of that away. He might have been if they hadn’t helped him tonight. But they had. This time, for the first time, he felt sure they were offering everything as friends, not out of some misguided sense of pity.

The next time he scened with Hei Xiazi, wanting with all his core to feel the ropes again, he pre-planned, actually asked, for his Ouxiang to pick him up after. Just in case. Because he absolutely wanted to be tied up again. Had been thinking about it all week. Spanking was good and all, and maybe he’d still want it occasionally, but being tied up was leaps and bounds more intense. And even better than that, there was no lingering soreness to deal with and work around.

Afterwards, he was able to come up by the time their aftercare ended. Knowing more about what to expect had helped. It was still nice to cuddle on the couch at his Ouxiang’s apartment after though.

Time passed and if there were still more early shift fires than he would have liked, and if he still missed his brother, life was good.

Chapter Text

Liu Sang had been scening with Hei Xiazi for almost half a year, and beyond experimenting more with bondage, they didn’t really branch out beyond that and spanking. Liu Sang felt no need, it worked, and he liked it, and he liked the routine and sameness of knowing what to expect. Once a month or so he’d ask for a spanking instead, or sometimes in addition to being tied up, when he wanted to feel alive with adrenaline and the shock of the pain, and they did try different ties, and suspension, and ropes, but they had gotten into a routine with all that.

That was probably why it took him by so much surprise this time when he woke up in his dorm room alone and feeling off. He had thought at first that maybe he was sick, the lethargy a precursor to it. That he was dropping was the furthest thing from his mind as it hadn’t yet happened, but by mid-day it became clear to him that that was what was happening.

It took him too long staring at his phone to actually bring up the courage to dial the number that he had saved. Hei Xiazi’s number. For emergencies. He had never had to use it.

He listened as the phone rang, it was taking too long. He wondered if voicemail would be picked up before someone finally on the other end said, “Hello?” The voice wasn’t Hei Xiazi’s. And if Liu Sang didn’t know better he would think it was Captain Xie’s. Which was a ridiculous thought.

Gathering his thoughts, surely he hadn’t saved the number wrong? Liu Sang asked, “Can I speak to Hei Xiazi? He gave me this number to call?”

“I’m sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now,” the voice said, sounding more and more like Captain Xie, and Liu Sang almost jabbed the ‘end call’ button that second.

“Who is it?” Liu Sang heard a voice say on the other end, this one was definitely Hei Xiazi, though it sounded rougher and more nasally than it normally did, more than a phone connection could account for.

“Tell him it’s Liu Sang,” Liu Sang answered Hei Xiazi, even though he wouldn’t hear him.

“I’m sorry Liu Sang, he’s off duty now. You’ll have to-” and the voice was cut off and there were sounds of the phone being wrestled over.

“Liu Sang, it’s me, are you alright?” Hei Xiazi said, voice sounding wrecked over the phone. The phone diluted and changed voices, but this was definitely more than that.

“I should be asking you that,” Liu Sang said dumbly, for a second forgetting why he had called.

“I’m fine,” Hei Xiazi said, but in the background Liu Sang heard the other voice, probably not, hopefully not, Captain Xie, say “You have a fever of 104 and you only just got to sleep when your phone rang.”

Liu Sang winced. “I’m sorry. You said to call if I was dropping, but I shouldn’t have bothered you anyway.”

“Liu Sang,” Hei Xiazi sighed. “Don’t hang up.”

“Okay.” Liu Sang gripped the phone like it was a lifeline.

“Thank you. I’m glad you-” Hei Xiazi had to stop to cough, wet and horrible sounding, “- called. I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you in person. I've caught the flu, tell me, are you alone?”

“Yes,” Liu Sang said, feeling like crap, though obviously feeling better than Hei Xiazi was. Maybe he wasn’t dropping, maybe he was just coming down with whatever Hei Xiazi had. “It’s fine. I’ll figure something out.”

“You will, because you're smart and resourceful. Now, is there anyone nearby you trust?”

Liu Sang thought about it, “Kan Jian. He should be here somewhere.”

“Okay go find him and tell him you're dropping, ask if he’ll help. If you can’t find him or he can’t help you, call me back, okay?”

“Okay,” Liu Sang said, then hung up. He left his room and knocked on the door Kan Jian shared with his roommate. Kan Jian’s roommate answered, and Liu Sang asked for Kan Jian. Kan Jian was out and his roommate wouldn’t tell him where before he shut the door in Liu Sang’s face.

Liu Sang knew he was supposed to call Hei Xiazi back now, but Hei Xiazi clearly needed rest, and he was, afterall, smart and resourceful. He thought of other people he trusted. Wang Can was clearly too far away, but the Iron Triangle were his friends weren’t they? His Ouxiang was even willing to cuddle with him on occasion. With that decided he called a taxi, there was no way he’d chance a bus in his condition, and went to their apartment.

He stood outside the door to the Iron Triangle’s apartment, only realizing then that he should have called first. He was feeling like crap and not thinking straight but at least he had made it here safely. He should have called Hei Xiazi back as he had been told to. He felt guilty for not doing that even though it had been the most logical choice.

He knocked on the door.

He didn’t have to wait long until Wu Xie opened the door, and the sounds of the apartment filtered out into the hallway before being silenced again as Wu Xie stepped out and closed the door behind himself.

He really should have called ahead. “I’m sorry, I should have called first.”

“Liu Sang? Are you okay?” Wu Xie asked, and lifted a warm hand to rest on Liu Sang’s shoulder.

“I’m fine. You’re busy, I’ll just leave,” Liu Sang said, but couldn’t bring himself to move, the hand on his shoulder feeling like a lifeline. A tether.

“Liu Sang, tell me what’s wrong?” Wu Xie asked.

Liu Sang brought a hand to his hair and realized it was shaking as he did so. “I think I’m dropping. I should have called. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Liu Sang, can I give you a hug?” Wu Xie asked and, when Liu Sang nodded desperately, engulfed him. Liu Sang closed his eyes, then protested when Wu Xie lifted an arm off of him. “I’m not leaving, I just need to,” and he opened the door and called softly for Zhang Qiling. Xiaoge.

Xiaoge came a moment later and also closed the door behind himself, and Liu Sang watched as he silently took in the scene.

Liu Sang was a little confused, he had thought that they didn’t want them inside because they were in the middle of a scene. But with two-thirds of the Iron Triangle out here, there wasn’t really much of a scene to be had.

“We waited,” Xiaoge said cryptically.

“Can you ask if they're okay with Liu Sang being in the apartment? He won’t go in our room but with his-” and at this point Wu Xie waved his hand in a circle around his own ears and Liu Sang knew Wu Xie was talking about his hearing, “- he’ll know.”

“Mmm,” Xiaoge said and went back into the apartment.

“I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable,” Liu Sang said, curiosity rising, and staving off most of his imminent drop with a puzzle to solve. That and the hug Wu Xie was still giving him.

“That’s why Xiaoge’s asking. If not, we’ll figure something else out. I’ll help you get through this, regardless,” Wu Xie said.

Zhang Qiling returned quickly and this time didn’t close the door behind himself. Liu Sang tried his hardest not to listen into the apartment and focused on the two heartbeats in front of him. He missed what Xiaoge said, well he heard it, but he didn’t process it, and when they both stared at him with an air of obviously having asked a question, he replayed the last little bit of sound in his head, this time trying to parse it for words, but it was harder to do than it normally was.

“Liu Sang?” Wu Xie asked, rubbing Liu Sang’s back, then when Liu Sang didn’t say anything Wu Xie pulled back and Liu Sang felt a whine of protest unwillingly escape his throat. “Why don’t you come in?”

Liu Sang went inside and that was when he could hear a fourth person in the apartment.

He tried to focus on Wu Xie, on what he was asking. “How do you feel about puppy play?”

“Uh,” Liu Sang said, uncomfortable at the idea of submitting to Wu Xie in a form he hadn’t explored with Hei Xiazi. That, and he really didn’t feel in the headspace to submit more. “I don’t think scening will help. I’m dropping, that’s all.” He finally decided to say.

“Not you, Kan Jian,” Wu Xie said.

“Who?” Liu Sang asked stupidly, not really processing that it could be his friend and it took his mind stupidly long to put two and two together and - “Oh.” That was why Kan Jian wasn’t in his room. “He’s here. To scene. With you.” He felt horribly off-footed. He should have called first. He hadn’t even known Kan Jian was with the Iron Triangle. How had his friend kept that from him for so long? Why?

“Yes. And Kan Jian is fine with you being here, is interested in being in the same room if you would be comfortable with that. He knows you’ll hear him from anywhere though.”

What. Was. Going. On. He had thought Ouxiang, and Wu Xie, and Pangzi, were together, now they were scening with Kan Jian too? He tried not to feel hurt about it as he said, on autopilot, “Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Liu Sang, it’s okay if it isn’t, like I said, there are other options,” Wu Xie said. And the time gave Liu Sang time to process what was going on.

“What,” he had to clear his throat. If his friend was okay with him being here now clearly he hadn’t meant to keep it a secret, right? “What does that involve?”

“He has a full body suit he wears. Mainly he usually likes playing and then pets later. There won’t be anything sexual involved today.”

“Okay that’s. That’s. He’s fine with it?” Liu Sang asked to give himself more time.

“Yes. We all are. But only if you are too,” Wu Xie said.

“Okay,” Liu Sang said. He was more confused than hurt, but it would probably be fine. And Wu Xie’s arm was still around him and surely anything would be worth that?

“Great, why don’t you sit on the couch with me? Does the physical contact help?”

Liu Sang just nodded as he numbly followed. They sat on the couch, Wu Xie keeping his arm around Liu Sang’s back the whole time. “Is this okay?” Wu Xie asked.

Liu Sang nodded.

“If it gets too much and you want or need to leave, just say so and I’ll come with you. If you want everything to stop just say ‘red’ or ‘stop’, or do you have a safeword you prefer?” Wu Xie asked, the words pouring out of him in a torrent as they always did, comforting and grounding in their familiar cadence, not at all acting like Liu Sang was fifth wheeling a foursome.

“Red is fine,” Liu Sang said, trying to quickly parse the most important parts of Wu Xie’s sentences. The addition of safe words gave him a nervous spike, wondering what he was getting into, but Wu Xie’s heavy arm over his shoulders helped to curb the rising nerves.

Wu Xie nodded at Xiaoge who turned and left the room, when he came back, Pangzi was behind him and on the ground was Kan Jian, as promised, in a full body suit. The suit was a golden, soft looking, fur.

Kan Jian smiled around the gag in his mouth when he spotted Liu Sang and bounded over to where he was with Wu Xie. Kan Jian paused, looking up and Wu Xie interpreted, “He wants you to pet him if you’re okay with that, if not, that’s okay too, plenty of people to give him pets today, right Kan Jian?” Wu Xie said and scratched behind Kan Jian’s human ears, below the dog ones attached above them.

Kan Jian let out, remarkably realistic, ‘yip!’ in apparent agreement. Liu Sang tentatively reached out and patted the hair on Kan Jian’s head. When Kan Jian head butted his leg in return, Liu Sang relaxed and gave him a good scratching. Soon though, Kan Jian got bored and bounded back over to Pangzi who was rolling a ball back and forth across his legs.

Kan Jian was remarkably nimble in his dog form, and just like when he wasn’t scening and was fully human, was full of positive energy.

Wu Xie grabbed a bowl on the table that Liu Sang saw was full of popcorn and started eating it, offering some to Liu Sang. Liu Sang ate some because he had hardly eaten all day, and why hadn’t he? He knew that food helped with drops.

At one point Kan Jian got a little too rambunctious and Zhang Qiling said a firm and quiet, “Sit.” Kan Jian instantly sat down, eyes completely focused on Zhang Qiling, his body wiggling, unable to stay still, but clearly obedient.

“Good boy,” Ouxiang said seriously, and patted Kan Jian on the head.

Liu Sang blinked. He had never seen his Ouxiang act so dominantly. He had thought he was a sub! Liu Sang stared.

“He’s hot when he does that isn’t he?” Wu Xie said from beside him as he grabbed another handful of popcorn. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I love being all subby with him, but he doesn’t let his dom side loose often, so.”

Liu Sang choked on his popcorn. Wu Xie was a sub?! Ouxiang was a switch?! Well at this point he decided that he would never try to guess someone’s orientation again. He was currently sitting at 0 for 3, having thought Kan Jian was a neutral of all things, and if Pangzi was a sub, he wouldn’t even be surprised any more, current scene notwithstanding.

“Ah, you didn’t realize he was a switch, did you? Don’t worry, most people assume he’s a dom- oh. Huh. That actually makes a lot of sense. You trust him,” Wu Xie said in his normal torrent of words.

Liu Sang nodded. “Thought you were a dom,” he mumbled, embarrassed, but still wanting to say it.

“Me!?” Wu Xie asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “Now that’s a thought. Hey, this is helping right? If you need some dom energy we can bring Xiaoge over-”

“No!” Liu Sang shouted and blushed when he realized how loud he was and saw Pangzi and Zhang Qiling looking over at him, and Kan Jian frozen, body no longer wiggling which seemed all kinds of wrong. “Sorry. Um. Wasn’t for the scene. All good here. Please, continue.” Then he turned to Wu Xie, “You’re enough. This is good. I don’t need anything dynamic specific.” Yes he had cuddled with Xiaoge a little in the past, and he maybe wanted more of that, but that was when he had thought his Ouxiang was like him, a sub, and he felt off balance enough today that he wanted some time to get used to the thought. It wouldn’t change anything, really, he had after all cuddled with Pangzi more than once, though always at Xiaoge’s insistence, but also, it was different.

“So… I didn’t know you were with the Iron triangle,” Liu Sang broached after the scene and the aftercare and Pangzi was in the kitchen cooking, and Xiaoge was helping him and Wu Xie, after making sure Liu Sang was okay, was off in his study muttering quietly to himself and he was alone with Kan Jian.

“With?” Kan Jian asked, an adorable look of confusion on his face. “Oh! No, no, they’re friends. They just help me out. We help each other out when I don’t have a dom, or when Pangzi or Xiaoge want a puppy to play with. You’d think Wu Xie would be good at that, but he’s awful at it. Keeps getting distracted. Anyways, it’s nice to have friends right?”

“Right,” Liu Sang said, trying to parse that. Sure, he went to a professional, but he hadn’t thought that that was something just friends did with each other.

“You don’t… You don’t scene with them?” Kan Jian asked, his voice making it sound like he had expected Liu Sang had.

“I. I didn’t. I go to a professional,” Liu Sang admitted. He wasn’t willing to examine any other thoughts that this conversation might be bringing up.

“Dinner’s ready, help me set the table,” Pangzi said, poking his head into the living room and Liu Sang sincerely hoped that he hadn’t heard any of that conversation.

Chapter Text

The bell rang and Liu Sang put down the breakfast he had known he wouldn’t have time to finish, and ran to the garage bay. The motions were easy for him now after so many times as he quickly donned his uniform then joined his coworkers in the fire truck.

“Alright everyone, listen up,” Captain Ning said over the inter-truck system. “We got a fire spreading at an abandoned apartment complex that was set to be torn down next month. The goal is to make sure it actually is abandoned and contain it.”

Fire was still a tough one for Liu Sang, but if he was going to choke, he had had plenty of opportunities since he had graduated. He could handle it, and he knew he could. Still, he’d take the advantage of the ride to get into the right headspace.

When they got there, Captain Ning efficiently sent them all to their duties. “Liu Sang, I want you with Kan Jian on the north side. Your goal is to ensure the building is empty.” With the look that she gave Liu Sang, Liu Sang knew that she was talking about using his hearing. It was, after all, a kind of unspoken skill of his. No one talked about it. But she made sure to make use of it. “Do not take risks.” The last part was always a given, and always said. Liu Sang didn’t think of himself as a risk taker anyways. He was always careful and any risky maneuver he might have performed was always well calculated. Unlike his Ouxiang who leaped first and asked if there was a safety net well… never.

Orders given, Liu Sang ran with Kan Jian to the north side, taking a hose with them. When they got there, Liu Sang left Kan Jian to plug the hose in and he closed his eyes to listen. The fire was just moving onto this side of the building, and he had to actively filter out its crackling. He shoved down the instinctive panic of being trapped in a fire, then focused.

There.

A cry, faint but definitely human and definitely still alive. “I’ve got someone!” Liu Sang shouted, then ran into the building after a quick hearing check to make sure it was, for the moment, not going to imminently collapse. Kan Jian followed on his tail, they had worked together like this often enough in training that it was second nature by now.

Inside, he listened again and found the noise again. He pointed up and tapped Kan Jian, who took that moment to spray a suppressing field of water to leave their escape route open. This time, Liu Sang followed behind Kan Jian, and then on the second floor tapped his back to stop spraying so that he could listen again. To the right. A tap on Kan Jian’s right shoulder and they were spraying and moving again, deeper into the building.

The smoke was heavy and the visibility was gone and the fire was so loud that they were both mostly blind, their forward progress moved to a crawl as Kan Jian carefully checked each floor board before stepping.

Eventually they made it into an apartment and found a small girl crying on the ground crawling towards them. Liu Sang quickly put the backup mask he always carried over her face and went to scoop her up, but when he did she screamed and pushed him away, this time crawling deeper into the room. Liu Sang heard an ominous creek, they didn’t have time for this!

Liu Sang took a second to assess, to think of what course of action to take, and that was when he heard the girl whimpering, “Grandma.”

Oh. No. Liu Sang strained his ears to see if there was anyone else alive. He couldn’t hear anything, but the creaking and the crackling were becoming deafening. If her grandma was there. He couldn't let her see. It wouldn’t be pretty.

“Take the girl. I’ll get the grandma,” Liu Sang said into his radio motioning at Kan Jian and the girl. Kan Jian made the gesture of ascent and handed Liu Sang his own back up mask. Liu Sang paused long enough to make sure that Kan Jian had the, still struggling weakly, girl, and was leaving before he opened the door to the other room.

He could tell already that the room was hotter, and the smoke made it so that he couldn’t see anything, but he looked anyway. And under the bed he found her, hand reaching out, and it twitched. Alive. Liu Sang did not let himself go weak with relief, he didn’t have the time for that, instead he took the mask that Kan Jian had given him and put it on her and picked her up in a fireman’s carry. The building creaked ominously.

He moved as fast as he could, being careful to retrace the steps that they had taken in. He heard the creak and crackle soon enough to step backwards before a burning timber fell just where he had been standing a moment before, blocking the stairs they had taken down. He closed his eyes. Mapping. Trying to find another way down that wasn’t blocked.

There! He turned around and was able to get to the other stairway before any more fire blocked his way. Downstairs, he located the nearest, mostly fire free door, and headed towards it, knowing the whole ceiling was going to collapse any second now. No longer being cautious, he no longer had the time for it, he ran.

He was almost just at the door when the ceiling came down. He heard it with enough time to spare to toss the woman that was over his shoulder down in front of him and brace himself over her as he held his hand up to stop the timber. It came down with a horrible crash and crack and he grunted at the weight and pain as he threw it over to the side with a surge of adrenaline, then he picked up the woman again and ran to the door practically tossing her out of the door in front of him.

Luckily there was a fireman at the door that grabbed her.

“I got her!” he said to Liu Sang as Liu Sang tumbled out himself.

He landed on his knees and one hand, the sudden lack of her weight throwing him off balance, before he stumbled up and someone else was helping him away from the fire, as behind him, the whole building imploded and collapsed in on itself. That was way too close, but it wasn’t over yet. They still had to contain it, make sure that it didn’t spread. They’d likely be here all day or until they were relieved by another station.

Liu Sang saw that the girl was sitting, awake now and wrapped in a blanket at the door of the ambulance. When she saw her grandma she shouted and ran to her, Huo Daofu looking put upon with a bandage still in his hand that he had been attempting to put on her.

Seeing that the grandma was getting care, and the girl was okay, Liu Sang hurried to his fire truck and went to the back side where no one was. He needed air, his adrenaline was crashing and he needed silence. He leaned against the truck’s side. He’d just take a moment and then he’d get back to the fight. His arm now ached where he had caught the timber, and he tentatively tried to flex his fingers to work the feeling out.

His fingers didn’t really move, but the pain definitely increased ten-fold. Suddenly his lean against the truck was more what was keeping him up than being relaxing.

Captain Ning chose that moment to round the bend. “There you are. Good job finding those two. Take five minutes, then I need you on hose three.”

“Yes sir!” Liu Sang said instinctively moving to salute, only for his arm to scream at him and he doubled over in pain. When he recovered he said, “Sorry sir. I don’t think I’ll be able to.” His arm was almost certainly broken. He tried to breathe slowly through the pain.

When he looked up Captain Ning was much closer to him. “Show me.”

“Right arm. Think it’s broken,” Liu Sang reported.

“Can you wiggle your fingers?”

Liu Sang shook his head, “Not really.”

“The ambulance already left, the one you rescued is in critical condition, and the girl wasn't that great off either. Sit tight here, and stay out of the way. We’ll take you to the hospital when our relief gets here.”

Liu Sang nodded and then was left alone. He didn’t move for a long while, just getting used to the pain. Eventually the weight of the oxygen tank on his back became too much and he just slid to the ground, wincing at the sound it made as it scratched along the truck. Captain Ning was sure to make him buff out those scratches. Stupid. Why did he do that?

Wanting more fresh air, he used his good hand to pull down his mask but left his helmet on. This was still an active scene after all. He breathed through the pain, though the increased smell of smoke didn’t really help, and meditated by focusing on all the sounds around him. The sound of the crackling fire drew him in and combined with his pain, he had to forcefully pull himself out of a flashback. It had been a long time since that had happened. Not since he had become a firefighter at least.

Instead, he consciously listened for other noises, and was soon able to locate the sound of his Ouxiang. His heartbeat. He often used his Ouxiang’s heartbeat to ground himself, so it was familiar. Even now, heightened with exertion, it was a solid, steady and reliable sound. While it might not always mean he was currently safe, that sound always always meant that he would be.

He was so focused on that distant sound that he failed to notice his own surroundings, so that he startled hard, jarring his arm, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Fuck,” Liu Sang said into the pain, hoping he wouldn’t throw up.

“Liu Sang! I tried calling your name, but you weren’t responding. Are you okay?” Kan Jian asked, crouched in front of him, but no longer touching him.

“Just my arm,” Liu Sang gritted out.

“Why are you still in full gear? Come on, our relief showed up and we’re heading out.”

Liu Sang tried to stand up, but the weight on his back pulled on his shoulder, and he just couldn’t. “Help me out of it?” he asked. He wanted to push through the pain. Not be weak. But he had nothing to prove with his friend Kan Jian.

Kan Jian reached around to help him.

“Careful!” Liu Sang admonished, and Kan Jian moved slower, more carefully.

It wasn’t pain free, but eventually he was out of the rig, and Kan jian was storing it where it belonged, and at least they got done before the others got there.

Then Liu Sang made his way into the truck, and sat in a seat. He tried to buckle himself into the five-point seat belt, but without both hands he wasn’t able to.

“Let me, let me,” Kan Jian said. So Liu Sang used his good hand to move his other arm out of the way as he was buckled in. He definitely wasn’t getting out of going to the hospital this time.

The others came in quickly after and buckled themselves in. He wondered if he imagined the worried look his Ouxiang gave him, but Liu Sang just tried to smile encouragingly back. The almost frown increased and Liu Sang just turned to look back down at his lap.

Chapter Text

They made good time to the hospital, though really, Liu Sang could have done without the sirens for the sacrifice of time, it wasn’t like he had already waited over an hour. At least he got to bypass the emergency waiting room though. Being a firefighter did have some great perks when you were injured on the job. The empty room he was led to was marginally quieter.

He sat down waiting for the doctor to come, closing his eyes and trying to focus on his breathing as Kan Jian hovered worriedly about him. He tried not to be disappointed that his Ouxiang wasn’t there. Which actually, that was worrying. He must be missing time. He didn’t quite remember getting here from the truck, when had his Ouxiang left him? Weren’t they friends now?

“Wang Can! I heard about the fire, your unit was called over here? What did you do to yourself this time, we’ve talked about-” Liu Sang looked up in confusion. This doctor must know his twin. “-you’re not Wang Can.”

Liu Sang shook his head.

“I’m going to kill that little shit. Should have told me he had a twin I might have run into!” The doctor said. “Right. So you must be the Liu Sang of the broken arm x-rays then. Nasty break.”

“How do you know Wang Can?” Liu Sang asked, curiosity overriding the pain temporarily. He talked to Wang Can on the phone occasionally and he hadn’t mentioned any friends or anyone outside his unit ever being mentioned.

“I’m Dr. Liang. Liang Wan? He didn’t mention me?” She said like Liu Sang should have heard of her, that it was a personal affront that he hadn’t.

Liu Sang shook his head.

“Oh. Well I guess it’s not for me to say then. Let’s fix your arm,” the doctor said, easily pivoting into impersonal professionalism.

She was all straight to business after that and refused to say anything else about Wang Can. Liu Sang vowed to remember to ask Wang Can about that later.

After the hospital Liu Sang went back to his dorm room and shooed Kan Jian off, and fell asleep, the pain drugs making him drowsy and vulnerable. He probably wasn’t expected back at work the rest of the shift anyways.

He woke up in the evening and got dinner at the cafeteria but gave up halfway through, the effort of eating with his non-dominant hand and the pain making him queasy. Luckily no one from his unit was around to see, probably called out or napping.

He fell asleep again and woke up midday through the next day. He’d be off shift now if he was working, so he had nowhere he needed to be. Not wanting to deal with the cafeteria again he just got out an emergency energy bar that he kept a pack of in his room and ate that. He spent most of the day drifting in and out and fell deeply asleep once night fell.

The next day he felt marginally better and checked his phone. He had a lot of missed messages. His brother’s was most recent so he called him up. It had been a while since they had talked and that reminded him of the strange encounter with Liang Wan.

“Liu Sang! You better be alive you little shit,” Wang Can answered with. Acerbic as usual and Liu Sang smiled. He missed his brother.

“Ge, who’s Liang Wan?” Liu Sang asked, deciding to start with the offensive.

“What? How do you know that name?” Wang Can answered shiftily.

“Ge,” Liu Sang said.

“Fine. I’ve been dating her,” Wang Can answered.

“Huh, thought she was a dom,” Liu Sang said though he knew his track record.

“And her boyfriend,” Wang Can said, glaringly not saying anything about the doctor’s dynamic. “It’s nothing serious.” And Liu Sang knew his twin and knew that he was absolutely lying about that last part. Could hear it in the tone of his voice even through the crappy phone connection.

“Uh huh,” Liu Sang said knowingly, knowing it would aggravate Wang Can.

“Shut up,” Wang Can said, right on cue.

“Are they good to you?” Liu Sang asked, tone turning serious.

“Look, didi, I know there was a lot I messed up with you. I’ve been learning a lot. I know how much I need to apologize. I -”

“No sorry’s or thank you’s between us,” Liu Sang interrupted. “I’ve been learning a lot too. We got the important parts right. We survived.”

“Yeah we did,” Wang Can answered.

They were both quiet after that.

After the call with his brother Liu Sang checked his other messages and sent off a quick text to both his Ouxiang and Kan Jian telling them that he was fine.

The one from Captain Ning told him that he wasn’t expected for shift until his cast came off, but that he should show up tomorrow to help Captain Xie with paperwork. Liu Sang shuddered. He couldn’t heal up fast enough.

He checked his calendar and saw that he had his appointment with Hei Xiazi that afternoon and thought about canceling it. But it would feel good to just forget about everything for a while. Though he hadn’t showered since before the fire and he was kind of gross. He didn’t think he could take a shower, what with his arm, so there was really nothing to do about his hair. He couldn’t even put it up one-handed. So he shoved a hat on it and hoped clean clothes and a wet rag would be enough.

Chapter Text

When Liu Sang showed up for his appointment, Hei Xiazi immediately clocked his broken arm, and probably also his horribly disheveled and smelly appearance. “Let’s go to my office.”

Once in the office Liu Sang asked, “Should I have canceled? I don’t think what we usually do would work, but I thought maybe there was still something?”

“Depends. Are you on pain meds? Some are okay. Others I legally can’t put you under if you are taking them.”

“I had opioids yesterday. But I only took tylenol today,” Liu Sang answered honestly.

“Okay, tylenol is fine. When did you break it?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“Day before yesterday,” Liu Sang answered.

“Okay. Spanking is out. There’s ways we can do it, but not on such a fresh break, I don’t want to risk jarring your arm if we have other options. Same with anything that immobilizes your arms. Hmm let’s see… When was the last time you washed your hair?”

Liu Sang blushed. “Sorry. I. It’s been a while. I wasn’t. It’s just-”

“Eh, figured. Hard to wash one-handed. I’m not offended. I ask because you listed grooming as something you might like to try. How about we try it? Hei-ye’s spa, open for business. Guaranteed to make you feel good and clean.”

“I. Okay,” Liu Sang answered. Intrigued. It would solve one problem at least, and if Hei Xiazi was willing to touch Liu Sang’s dirty, greasy, smoky, hair, who was he to stop him?

They went to a different room this time, this one had sinks and chairs in front of them like an actual salon. Hei Xiazi motioned him to sit in one of the chairs and Liu Sang did, cradling his arm carefully.

“Your hearing aids, are they waterproof?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang automatically brought his hand up to his ears and the earbuds he had in, blocking out the extra noise. “They’re not hearing aids,” he said dumbly, before the important part of the question kicked in. “They aren’t waterproof.” A fact that had destroyed more than one pair. But the waterproof ones weren’t even close to good enough.

“Right. Do you want to take them off?” Hei Xiazi asked.

If Hei Xiazi was going to wash his hair, there was a chance that they would get wet. But if he took them off the world would come crashing in, even in this soundproof room. “I have sensitive hearing, if I take them off I’ll hear people in the other rooms. Violate their privacy.”

“So they are sound dampening?” Hei Xiazi asked, not even blinking at this revelation.

“Yes.”

“We have some ear plugs that we use for sensory deprivation play, they are waterproof, if you want to try them?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“Okay,” Liu sang said tentatively. They might be good enough when combined with the room’s sound proofing.

Hei Xiazi left to a corner of the room and opened a drawer before coming back with a little plastic packet, opening it up and handing it to Liu Sang. Liu Sang took them and hesitated for a second before turning down, then off, and removing one ear bud. Instantly the soundscape bloomed in front of him, loud and overwhelming and he put the new bud in and then repeated the action for the other ear. Unlike his expensive, high quality, noise canceling earbuds, the sound wasn’t just diminished but shifted and muted and muffled. He could still hear but everything was distorted. Disorienting. He felt very vulnerable as he listened for a bit, but at least he couldn’t hear anything clearly outside the room and into any of the other rooms unless he really tried to. He nodded, “It’ll work. Thank you.” His voice echoed unpleasantly in his head.

“Good, can you still hear me?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang nodded, not wanting to speak and hear himself again. Hei Xiazi’s voice sounded odd with the upper range part of it cut off, but he could deal with that.

Hei Xiazi held out his hand, “Can I put your earbuds somewhere safe for you?”

Liu Sang looked down at the earbuds clenched in his fist. Letting go of them, putting them somewhere outside of his sight, was terrifying, but he trusted Hei Xiazi by now. They’d be safe if he said they would be. Liu Sang slowly opened his fist and poured them into Hei Xiazi’s waiting hand. He watched carefully where Hei Xiazi put them, in a little empty bowl on a side table. They’d be fine there. If he needed them he could just stand up and get them. He forced himself to take deep slow breaths.

“You okay?” Hei Xiaizi asked when he came back, head tilted to the side, studying Liu Sang.

Liu Sang nodded. He was. He would be.

“Don’t feel like talking?”

Liu Sang shook his head and shrugged. Did he have to talk?

“Want me to be quiet too?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang shook his head ‘no’. He was already getting used to Hei Xiazi’s differently sounding voice, and it was soothing. Anchoring. He wasn’t vulnerable because Hei Xiazi wouldn’t take advantage of him.

“Okay. We’ll get started then.”

Hei Xiazi pulled out a cape from a cupboard and wrapped it around Liu Sang’s neck, delicately pulling his hair out from the point where it wrapped around him.

“Do you want your glasses on or off? Nod for on, shake for off.”

Liu Sang shook his head and Hei Xiazi’s soft fingers brushed against his temple as he removed them. Liu Sang didn’t bother trying to track Hei Xiazi’s blurry form with his eyes or ears. He knew they’d be safe, but he didn’t feel vulnerable without them like he had without his earbuds. He could always just take out the ear plugs he was wearing and use his ears as his eyes.

He tried to relax.

The cape wasn’t too restricting. It was a nice solid weight, heavier than an actual hairdresser’s, or so he assumed, but he could still get out of it on his own if he needed to. It was a reminder of restriction more than actual restriction.

“Is the weight too much on your arm?”

Liu Sang shook his head.

“Good, lean back,” Hei Xiazi said with his hands supporting the back and front of Liu Sang’s head, Liu Sang let Hei Xiazi guide his head down until it rested on the lip of the sink where there was a depression just for his neck. He closed his eyes as his body and mind finally started to actually relax. Hei Xiazi’s hands on him telling his body, like a pavlovian response, that it was safe to go into subspace. That it was safe to relax. To let go.

He heard the water turn on from behind his head, then Hei Xiazi’s warm, damp hand was brushing the hair at his forehead back and pulling it from behind his ears. Hei Xiazi repeated the motion a couple of times and Liu Sang relaxed more into the soothing feeling of Hei Xiazi’s now dry, still water-warm hands on his face.

“Very good. You’re in Hei-ye’s hands now,” Hei Xiazi said quietly before placing both his hands on the crown of Liu Sang’s head and gathering up his hair. Liu Sang felt the hair attached to his head get heavier before water reached his scalp. It was a soothing warm temperature. Not too hot, not too cold, but perfect. After his hair was thoroughly wet, Hei Xiazi removed his hands briefly and Liu Sang heard the squishing of a shampoo bottle before Hei Xiazi’s hands were back.

Hei Xiazi dug his fingers into his scalp, massaging the soap in. Liu Sang had never had anyone wash his hair before and he wondered if Hei Xiazi’s fingers were more nimble and perfect than others, or if it was always this good. He felt himself start to float and didn’t bother to stop it. He had no where he needed to be and he trusted Hei Xiazi implicitly.

He made a humm of protest when Hei Xiazi removed his hands and Hei Xiazi said, “Good yeah? Don’t worry, I’m not done yet. We’re far from done.” Hei Xiazi then started to rinse the soap from his hair. He was careful not to splash on his face and ears, but some drops did get through, which Hei Xiazi wiped with a soft cloth after, before, true to his word, returning his hands to Liu Sang’s head, this time with, presumably, conditioner.

Hei Xiazi spent quite a bit longer with the conditioner, massaging it into Liu Sang’s hair. The gentle pulling of his hair along his scalp intermingled with scalp massages had Liu Sang drifting pleasantly and Liu Sang let himself drift peacefully off into subspace, secure in the knowledge that Hei Xiazi would take care of him.

When they were done and Liu Sang’s hair felt clean and normal, if still slightly damp, and it was back up in its ponytail, courtesy of Hei Xiazi and his two hands, Liu Sang left the building and was surprised to see his Ouxiang standing outside, leaning against the van.

“Ouxiang, what are you doing here?” Liu Sang asked dumbly. Clearly he was here because of Liu Sang. Why else would he be?

“You never answered me,” Xiaoge said. Pouting? His facial expressions were always so subtle, but Liu Sang thought that maybe he was beginning to be able to read him.

“I told you I was okay. I just slept a lot.”

“You should move in with us,” Xiaoge said, and Liu Sang almost choked on his spit. “While you’re healing,” he added, though it sounded like a concession and not quite what he had meant.

“Ouxiang, I’m fine. It’s just one arm, I’ve got a second,” Liu Sang protested.

“It will be easier. You’ll be more rested. You’ll heal faster,” Xiaoge said. Then, “Pangzi worries you won’t eat.”

“I’ll eat! I ate today!” Liu Sang protested again, trying to feel offended, but another little part of him was perking up with warmth and joy and screaming and ‘they do care!’.

At Xiaoge’s look Liu Sang looked away guiltily.

“Okay.” It wasn’t a hard concession to make. He liked the Iron Triangle’s place, and already wanted to spend more time there. He didn’t investigate that feeling too closely though. They were friendly with him, friends even, but they were also a throuple and he would always be an outsider even if they tried to never treat him like one.

The ride over was quiet, the relaxing kind where Liu Sang didn’t have to interact with it. He alternately stared out the window and stared at his Ouxiang.

When he got into the apartment, he was greeted by Pangzi with a very careful hug, leaving the side with his broken arm completely open. Liu Sang returned the hug with his good arm and closed his eyes and inhaled the smell of the Iron Triangle’s home.

“Did you ask him?” Pangzi whispered over Liu Sang’s shoulder. Which of course Liu Sang heard, and Pangzi had to know that.

Liu Sang pulled his head away in time to see Xiaoge slightly roll his eyes and angle his head in a nod.

“Well?” Pangzi asked, this time turning to look at Liu Sang as he let Liu Sang out of the hug.

Xiaoge tilted his head again.

“Really? I knew having Xiaoge ask you was the right approach. No one can say no to our Xiaoge! This will be good Sang bei’er you’ll see. Your room is as you left it last, I think you still have your pajamas and we’ll help you bring more over after work tomorrow. Tianzhen!” Pangzi said the last in a louder voice, though thankfully his mouth was aimed away from Liu Sang. Still, Liu Sang winced a little. Pangzi noticed and patted Liu Sang on the shoulder. “Right, right got to remember not to shout now.”

Wu Xie emerged from the doorway to his study. “What? Oh! Liu Sang is here. Did he?”

“I said yes,” Liu Sang said, before either Pangzi or Xiaoge could speak for him.

Wu Xie’s face lit up as he smiled at Liu Sang. That smile he used when Pangzi or Xiaoge did something especially nice. Like existing. Liu Sang didn’t know what to do with the way he felt with it being aimed at him. Warm.

Moving in with them, only while his arm was in its cast of course, was surprisingly easy. He felt like he had always been there, like he fit into an empty slot and was welcomed, and while doing paperwork in an office instead of being in the field sucked, the days passed quickly.

Chapter Text

“We were thinking of going out tonight,” Wu Xie said when Liu Sang slid into the back of the van that now regularly came to pick him up after his days in the office working a horrible nine to five, and he had never thought he’d miss twenty-four hour shifts.

“Oh,” Liu Sang said. He would have gotten out of the van, but he had closed the door on autopilot and it was already moving. “You can just drop me off back at the station. I can spend the night at the dorm. I really didn’t mean to interrupt date night.”

“Nonsense!” Wu Xie said. “We meant for you to come. Unless you’re tired or not feeling it, in which case we’re happy to just get takeout and go home.”

“No, eating out is fine,” Liu Sang said. If they weren’t going to let him excuse himself from their date, the least he could do would be to let them actually still have it. Surely it wouldn’t be that awkward to be a third wheel with them. (Or would that be fourth wheel even though his Ouxiang was still working and wouldn’t be there?).

“Great! Any preferences?” Wu Xie asked.

“Someplace not too busy maybe?” Liu Sang asked. Restaurants could be hell on his hearing, but he had had a pretty relaxing (hah! Boring more like it) day of doing paperwork, in a relatively quiet place, so he could handle it today without being overwhelmed.

“I know a place,” Pangzi answered and turned on his blinker.

Dinner was nice, the food was good, though Pangzi’s food was just as good, and Wu Xie and Pangzi didn’t even act couply with each other. In fact, they acted almost the same as when they were at home, equally attentive to each other as they were to Liu Sang.

Liu Sang maybe drank a little too much, it helped with the noise, a bad coping mechanism, but he’d deal. The world felt softer, the noise ignorable, and the background ache of the pain of his arm even more background.

“A-Sang! I’m glad you came with us tonight!” Wu Xie exclaimed, while leaning heavily on Liu Sang, as they walked out the door. Liu Sang staggered then tried to remain upright. At least Wu Xie had picked his good arm’s side. He maybe had to spend a little extra more careful concentration than normal to keep his footing, but he thought he was less drunk than Wu Xie at least.

“Tianzhen ah!” Pangzi exclaimed, then grabbed Wu Xie around the waist, thankfully taking the weight off of Liu Sang, though that caused him to almost overbalance in the other direction. “Our Liu Sang, while he may be strong like our Xiaoge, he’s currently healing. Be gentle, ah?”

‘Our Liu Sang’? Liu Sang blushed at the implications, but didn’t say anything against it. It was nice having friends he was close to. He liked his friends. Possessive or not.

Pangzi then opened up the passenger side door and tried to pour Wu Xie into the front seat.

“Noo! I want to sit in the back with A-Sang,” Wu Xie exclaimed. And Liu Sang resigned himself to being A-Sang tonight. The nickname could be worse, like Jinx. Damn Pangzi.

“Alright alright- I agreed! You can stop struggling Tianzhen.” Pangzi then got Wu Xie into the back seat and turned to Liu Sang. “Ah Jinx, you can sit in the front if you want.”

“It’s fine,” Liu Sang said and then got into the back with Wu Xie. If Wu Xie wanted him back there, well, he liked feeling wanted.

Luckily it was his left arm, the good one, against Wu Xie’s side, because Wu Xie grabbed it and leaned bodily up against Liu Sang. Pangzi started the car and it lurched away under them.

“Ahh, I’m so glad you’re here A-Sang. It’s nice having a sub friend. We can commiserate on all the stupid discrimination.”

“Discrimination?” Liu Sang asked. He knew it existed, but he tried hard to forget about it. Surely it hadn’t impacted his life. He had a good job. Was respected and Captain Ning never treated him differently than anyone else on the team.

“Yes, like today when stupid Xue Wu said such stupid things I won’t even repeat. God I hate that man. Can you believe it?” Wu Xie asked.

“No?” Liu Sang asked, hoping that was the right answer.

“Right? I’d say he never treats Pangzi like that, but well, I think he thinks Pangzi is tainted by being my work partner. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. He doesn’t deserve that. You know what it’s like, right?”

Liu Sang wanted to agree, but well, he didn’t. “I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced anything like that.” Maybe that was too much. Maybe he should have just agreed.

Wu Xie sat up and pulled away from Liu Sang and gave him a distrustful look. “Really? Why do you think almost everyone on your team is a sub, when the rates of subs to doms, even switches in the rest of the force is so low?”

Liu Sang shrugged, he had actually never thought of it. The dynamics of his peers rarely came up at work anyways.

“It’s because your captain is a woman. Just as bad as a sub in the eyes of some of the force. And her captain is also a sub, but he has too much money for anyone to tell him no. So you know what they do? They put all the subs on her team, with switches when there aren’t enough, hoping she’ll fail and prove them right. They would have also given you all the oldest equipment, but again Xiao Hua is rich.”

“But we’re successful? We do good.” Liu Sang said, trying not to believe it was true, wondering if maybe his brother hadn’t chosen to leave, but was told to, because maybe if there was a dom on the team, all their success would be attributed to that.

“Yeah and it drives them up a wall,” Wu Xie said, leaning back and nodding, his point proved.

Liu Sang had a lot to think about. But maybe later. For now, it wasn’t important for him. But he could still sympathize with Wu Xie and give him whatever he needed for the night.

A few days later, Liu Sang shifted on the couch, trying to get comfortable. His broken arm was really bothering him today. Though it wasn’t actually his arm, but the weight of the cast, the weight of the sling digging into his shoulder and both his shoulders felt like they could drill diamonds they were so stiff.

“You okay Sangbei’er?” Pangzi asked, looking up over his glasses from where he was studying something on the table.

“It’s just this stupid cast, it’s so heavy I can’t get comfortable,” Liu Sang grumbled.

“Let me see,” Pangzi said as he came over and sat next to Liu Sang. Then he put his hands on Liu Sang’s shoulders. He’d been doing that a lot lately. Since he moved in. Since before that maybe. Touching him, like he touched his boyfriends. Casual touches. Like once Liu Sang let him touch him one time, a dam had been opened. Liu Sang a little hated that he soaked up each one like a dehydrated plant.

“Your shoulders feel like rocks. No wonder you’re uncomfortable. How about you sit back and let Pang-ye massage them a bit.”

“Oh,” Liu Sang said as Pangzi dug his fingers in. “Yeah. Okay.” Then he let Pangzi situate him on the couch so that his legs were bent up on it and his back was towards Pangzi. Then Pangzi gently, carefully removed the sling, making sure Liu Sang supported his bad arm with his good arm, then pushed Liu Sang forward so that his head was resting on his legs. It felt safe in the darkness between his legs, with Pangzi’s bulwark protecting him from behind.

Pangzi then brought both hands to his shoulders and dug in his thumbs, and Liu Sang let out a surprised groan.

“Good groan or bad groan?” Pangzi asked, hands pausing on his shoulders.

“Good. Don’t, don’t stop. Please.”

So Pangzi continued, squeezing his fingers and then his thumbs digging into the hard muscle and then suddenly the not quite pain, the relief, the feeling of safety and belonging, and Liu Sang felt himself start to slide into subspace. It felt so good it took him a while to notice what was happening.

“Wait, stop,” he said. He couldn’t. That wasn’t fair to Pangzi. Pangzi hadn’t agreed to that, probably didn’t want that. Shame flooded into him and he felt his face heat up.

Pangzi stopped immediately, hands lifting off of Liu Sang. “Sangbei’er, what’s wrong?” He sounded so worried, and here Liu Sang was taking advantage of him.

“Nothing. I just, I just need space,” Liu Sang said, then gathered up his sling and without looking at Pangzi, went into his room. The guest room. Not his. Just like Pangzi wasn’t his dom, this wasn’t his home. He sat on the bed and took deep breaths to try to center himself. When he felt he wasn’t in danger of going into subspace if he left the room again, he went back into the living room. Even if Pangzi hadn’t realized what had happened, Liu Sang had to apologize, make it right, anything to ease the guilt.

He supposed he hadn’t been gone long as Pangzi was still on the couch, fiddling with his phone. He looked up when the door opened.

“Decided I wasn’t going to eat you?” Pangzi asked, his voice sounded like it was trying to be light hearted, but he wasn’t quite succeeding.

“What?” Liu Sang asked, he had had his apology, his explanation all ready, and this threw him off track.

“You ran off awfully quickly.”

“Sorry,” Liu Sang said. Then, remembering what he had been planning on saying, said, “I was slipping into subspace.”

“Oh. Oh,” Pangzi said, looking surprised. “Come here, let Pang-ye give you a hug.”

So Liu Sang did, a little weak kneed that Pangzi didn’t seem unhappy about that fact. Just surprised. And the hug felt good. “You know I wouldn’t be opposed if that’s something you wanted. I mean not like this of course. Definitely something we should talk about instead of falling into like an accident,” Pangzi said.

“Oh,” Liu Sang said. “I don’t need it, I see Hei Xiazi regularly. I don’t really know why that happened.” That was a lie. He did. He liked Pangzi.

He felt Pangzi shrug. “Well Okay then.” Liu Sang wondered if he was imagining the hurt sound in his voice. If he was hearing what he wanted to hear. He put the thought out of his head.

Chapter Text

The day at the office had been incredibly long and Liu Sang couldn’t wait to get his cast off and not have to deal with the dreaded paperwork any longer. He had had to stay late and didn’t want to bother Pangzi or Wu Xie with leaving their apartment to come get him. They had been very accommodating and Liu Sang felt bad for taking advantage of their hospitality already so he took the train over to their apartment where he was still staying while he healed.

He already had a small headache forming, nothing a nice quiet dinner wouldn’t help, but the baby crying three seats down from him and the two teenagers playing some kind of video on their phones without headphones was rapidly veering to increase his pain, from ‘can deal with dinner’ to, ‘will need to hibernate in a nice dark quiet room’, when the train came to a screeching halt, causing all its occupants to rock forward and those standing to grab the handles to prevent themselves from falling. Liu Sang gritted his teeth and hung onto the handle bar above his head with his one good hand until it came to a stop.

The intercom came on with a squealing burst of static like knives to his ears. “Sorry for the delay, some track maintenance is ongoing. We should get up and going in an hour. Please stay where you are. Do not leave the train.”

Liu Sang closed his eyes in resignation before he got out his phone and texted the Iron Triangle group chat that he’d be even later than he already had said that he would be.

‘We can come get you?’ - Pangzi.

‘They said not to leave the train,’ Liu Sang texted back. If he could leave this train he’d run off it, and definitely accept the offer. The baby would not stop crying. And hadn’t kids ever heard of headphones? This was awful.

‘Tell us when you get going again. I’ll pick you up from our station,’ - Wu Xie.

It was only a ten minute walk to their apartment, but in his state Liu Sang wasn’t sure he would make it. ‘Okay,’ he texted back, gratefully accepting the offer.

It took about an hour before the intercom came back on and told them they’d be moving soon and then, true to its word, the train started moving again. He texted the group chat and gritted his teeth through the squealing sounds of the moving train, and the crying baby, and the teenagers. When the train finally halted at his stop he stumbled off of it and was disoriented by all the noises and people. He had taken this train so many times before, but his eyes weren’t quite focusing and the sounds all merged into one giant blob of noise that he couldn’t quite parse through his stabbing headache. Eventually, he stumbled into the bathroom and into a stall to throw up. Feeling somewhat better he rinsed his mouth out, and when a woman came out of a stall and gave him a weird look, he quickly left, realizing he hadn’t chosen the ‘right’ gendered bathroom and didn’t want a scene made.

He was so grateful when he left the doors of the station to see the familiar van and got in quickly, closing the door behind him and buckling himself in.

“Liu Sang, you look-” Wu Xie started but Liu Sang cut him off.

“Please. Don’t.” He then lifted the hood of his jacket up and hid behind it like he had seen his Ouxiang do a lot, to hide from the world. It was surprisingly soothing. And also, seemingly a language Wu Xie understood.

Wu Xie didn’t say anything in response but pulled the car out of its spot and soon they were back at the apartment’s underground garage.

Liu Sang followed Wu Xie up the stairs, thankful that beyond a quick look of concern, Wu Xie still didn’t say anything.

When they got to the apartment, Pangzi called out, “Hey did you pick up-”

Liu Sang squeezed by Wu Xie, quickly toeing his shoes off before he made it to the guest bedroom and closed the door, cutting Pangzi mostly off. Some trick of the architecture made the room a little extra quiet than was maybe normal, and Liu Sang always appreciated that, today more than usual. He didn’t turn on the light, darkness much preferred, and curled up in a ball on his (the guest, not his, he had to remember that) bed and focused on taking deep breaths and riding the pain out.

When he next felt human again he saw that over an hour had passed, his eyes felt crusty and he stank of stress sweat. He grabbed a towel, a change of clothes and snuck out of his room and into the bathroom in the hallway, closing the door quietly behind him.

Now that he had done it enough, showering without getting his broken arm wet was annoying, but doable, and the shower did make him feel more alive. His stomach growled in hunger while he was getting dressed again.

Wu Xie and Pangzi were sitting on the couch watching tv quietly with the subtitles turned on. Feeling shy, and a little embarrassed, Liu Sang joined them on the couch. There was enough space for the three of them, what with the way Wu Xie was curled up into Pangzi who was sitting in the middle, and he didn’t have to touch Pangzi at all. But he was incredibly jealous of how comfortable and cozy Wu Xie looked.

Pangzi glanced over at him and whispered, “Was the tv too loud?”

Liu Sang shook his head. Pangzi lifted his arm and put it over the back of the couch, a clear indication that Liu Sang could have everything he wanted.

Casually, Liu Sang moved over on the couch. Slowly, to make sure Pangzi wasn’t watching, wouldn’t notice. He froze when their thighs touched looking at Pangzi for confirmation that this was still okay. Pangzi looked back at him and slowly lowered his arm over Liu Sang’s shoulders. Liu Sang felt all the tension leave him and rested his head against Pangzi’s chest. It was just as comfortable as it had looked.

“Hungry?” Pangzi whispered, his chest full of whooshing air and none of the sounds of a vocal grumble.

Liu Sang nodded then shrugged. “Rice?” he asked, feeling pathetic. He knew Pangzi had probably cooked something delicious but right now the thought of flavor sounded nauseating. Maybe some soy sauce sounded okay.

“I’ll go heat up some,” Wu Xie whispered before extracting himself from Pangzi and heading to the kitchen.

Liu Sang closed his eyes, content to let the world pass him by.

The rice, and Wu Xie had brought the soy sauce over too, which turned out that Liu Sang did want, made him feel more alive and by the time he was done he was pushing away from Pangzi’s cozy embrace and sitting up on his own. “Thank you,” he said, putting the empty bowl on the end table.

“Want more? Something else?” Wu Xie asked.

“No thank you,” Liu Sang said. Then, feeling like he needed to explain, said, “Was a long day and the train was loud.”

“It happens,” Wu Xie said.

“I think I’m just going to go to sleep,” Liu Sang said.

Pangzi hesitated then said, “You’re welcome to join us in our bed if you want. With Xiaoge gone, there’s more than enough room.”

Tempting as the thought was, he could never quite bring himself to accept this offer which had been brought up on more than one bad day he had had. He knew it was out of pity for him.

He woke up gasping, the dredges of a nightmare jarring him awake. He checked the clock. He hadn’t even been asleep an hour. Heart racing, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to go back to bed soon, though he sorely needed it to prevent another melt down like he had had that day. He got out of bed with a vague plan to go to the kitchen and maybe find something to eat, not that he was hungry. When he left his room he saw the light was still on in the Iron triangle’s room and with a slight hesitation went to their room instead and knocked quietly on the door.

“Liu Sang?” Came the quiet question from Pangzi and Liu Sang took that as permission to open the door.

Inside, Wu Xie was sprawled half over Pangzi looking asleep, though his breathing indicated he wasn’t quite yet, and Pangzi had on a pair of glasses and was sitting up reading a book. He put the book down (on top of Wu Xie’s back), took his glasses off and looked up at Liu Sang, before smiling and patting the un-Wu Xie’d portion of the bed next to him.

“Come to join us?” Pangzi asked.

“If that’s still okay?” Liu Sang asked back.

“Close the door and come in,” Pangzi said. Which sounded like a yes.

Liu Sang did and approached the bed. Pangzi peeled the covers back. “I’ll warn you,Tianzhen’s like an octopus when he sleeps.”

“Am not,” muttered Wu Xie, but curled his leg around Pangzi’s in direct opposition. “Get in, you’re letting the cold in.”

Well, he couldn’t let that happen. He got in the bed and Pangzi flipped the blankets back on top of him, then leaned over and put his book and glasses on the nightstand and flicked off the lamp with a quiet click.

Sharing a bed in darkness was easier than in the light, and Pangzi wrapped an arm around Liu Sang pulling him close and Wu Xie somehow got his leg even farther over Pangzi and onto Liu Sang, and the sound of two heartbeats with him chased the nightmare away and Liu Sang slept soundly.

Next thing he knew he heard a door opening and blinked his eyes open to a blurry figure in black at the door. Xiaoge. Liu sang had a moment of panic wondering if it wouldn't be okay that he was in his Ouxiang’s bed. Xiaoge must have seen that he was wary because he whispered, “Go back to sleep”- before closing the door behind him and the bed dipped on the other side of Wu Xie as Xiaoge joined them in bed.

Liu Sang drifted off again.

Next time Liu Sang awoke it was to Pangzi gracefully separating himself from the octopus that was Wu Xie and crawling off the end of the bed before rolling over onto his back, getting stuck, kicking up his legs and then getting off and groaning quietly. Liu Sang heard him mumble, “Definitely getting too old to do that.” Before he slipped out of the room.

Liu Sang had by now had enough sleep that he wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep, and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to be ‘captured’ by Wu Xie’s heat seeking limbs so he got out of bed and joined Pangzi in the kitchen.

“Did I wake you?” Pangzi asked quietly as he filled a kettle with water.

Liu Sang shrugged. Thankfully nothing else was said about him joining in their bed. And, later, when he was told that he was always welcome in it, he just nodded. But he slept in his own bed that night, though he wasn’t quite sure if he had wanted to take them up on it or not. When not plagued with nightmares and exhaustion, he liked his own bed, and if a little part of him was worried what it meant that they had welcomed him into their bed, he ruthlessly shut that down, annoyed with himself for wanting and not wanting.

Chapter Text

Liu Sang was sitting in the living room doing his own thing with Pangzi on the easy chair kitty corner to him when the door opened. Liu Sang looked up, expecting his Ouxiang, Wu Xie had been holed up in his study for at least the last hour, and… he wasn’t wrong. It was Xiaoge. But the look Xiaoge leveled at him, intent and focused and… hungry, was not expected. Liu Sang swallowed as the greeting on his lips froze. Before Liu Sang could do anything, could even think what that look made him feel, Xiaoge blinked and looked towards Pangzi instead, leveling that same intensity on Pangzi.

Liu Sang watched, fascinated as Xiaoge stalked over to Pangzi, placed both hands on Pangzi’s shoulder, pushing him back into the chair as he crawled on top of Pangzi, kneeling as he straddled Pangzi and then leaned down and kissed Pangzi in a very aggressive and territorial kiss. Pangzi’s arms reached up and wrapped around Xiaoge, keeping him there but not otherwise making any attempt to take control of the kiss.

Liu Sang blinked, coming back aware of his own body then quickly looked away, which didn’t help much when he could hear what they were doing and he felt like a voyeur and left out all at the same time. He didn’t think he wanted to be subject to the very thorough make out Xiaoge was providing, nor was he sure he wanted to be Xiaoge, but something about the way Pangzi, a dom, just let Xiaoge do what he wanted, let Xiaoge lead, was making Liu Sang want to look and look and not look away. But they deserved their privacy, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to be watching, or listening, anyways. His heart was pounding harder than he could control it and he felt a little shaky with adrenaline.

He cleared his throat, intending to just mumble that he was leaving before making his escape, but at that sound, Pangzi and Xiaoge stopped and he looked over to see them both looking at him, two intense sets of eyes burning into him. Liu Sang cleared his throat again. “I’m just going to… I’ll be at the dorms,” Liu Sang finally managed before grabbing his bag that was thankfully still near the door, he really should have put it properly away when he had gotten home, and running out.

Thankfully, neither followed him, and he hoped they had a … nice time. Just the thought made his face flush red. He walked quickly to the train station and got there just in time to hop on the leaving train and thankfully this time of day there were plenty of seats. There was only one other person on the train, which gave himself plenty of time and space to think.

He was not jealous. And maybe if he kept telling himself that he’d believe himself. It was a confusing feeling. He didn’t think he wanted that, so why would he be jealous of something he didn’t want in the first place? It was frustrating.

He tried to put the visions of the two of them out of his mind, but the remembered noises were more persistent. He could feel his face heating up and was glad that the other passenger was paying him no mind. He lent his forehead against the glass of the window to try to cool it down. He felt weird and antsy and wished he could have run back to the dorms, however ill advised for his arm that might have been.

When he got to the dorms, he realized he hadn’t eaten yet that day, but the prospect of going to the cafeteria, with other people and loud echoing noises, sounded worse than not going. Luckily he still had some meal bars in his room so he ate one, its sticky heavy mass feeling like a lump in his throat as it made its way like a brick to his stomach.

After all that time at the Iron Triangle’s, the dorm didn’t feel like home anymore, though really it hadn’t since Wang Can had left, and he found himself wishing that he was still at the Iron Triangle’s. That felt like home.

That sudden thought, about how comfortable he was there, how much he wanted to be there, how much he just wanted to be around them, surprised him with its intensity. He hadn’t realized he had gotten so entrenched in the fantasy that he could belong there.

They were a unit. A couple of three. He didn’t actually belong with them. They were just helping a friend out. He did them a disservice by wishing for anything more. He couldn’t help but imagine what it might be like anyways. He thought of kissing Pangzi, the way Xiaoge had, imagined straddling him and… he shook his head. He didn’t want to be in Xiaoge’s place, it felt wrong, and not the kind of wrong in the way he shouldn’t feel but did, but wrong in the way that he didn’t actually want that. So if he didn’t want that… He imagined himself in Pangzi’s place, the subject of all his Ouxiang’s intensity, and shivered, liking the idea of being the focus of all that dominance, but when his imagination got to the way his Ouxiang would kiss him, he shuddered away from that thought too.

So that was okay. That was good. If he didn’t want to kiss them, that meant that he didn’t have inappropriate feelings for them. Wasn’t desiring something he couldn’t have anyways. He must just want to be there because they were friends, good friends, and he had spent so much time there lately that he was getting his wires crossed. Confusing feelings for what they weren’t. He was sure he’d feel the same way for Kan Jian if they had spent as much time together as he had spent lately with Pangzi and Wu Xie, their schedules now aligning while his arm recovered.

His thoughts swirling around and around in his head, he didn’t get much sleep. Still, he woke up at his usual time, grabbed another meal bar so he could skip the cafeteria, and ensconced himself in his temporary private office, door closed and earbuds noise canceling turned up, and tried to lose himself in the dreaded paperwork.

He wasn’t being horribly successful when the door opened without a knock and he looked up to see his Ouxiang standing in the doorway. He caught Liu Sang’s eyes, then stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him with a quiet snick.

Liu Sang turned the white noise down a little. “It’s your day off,” Liu Sang said, stupidly. He couldn’t think of what else to say. ‘I don’t want you to kiss your boyfriend, cause it makes me feel weird’? Yeah. No.

Xiaoge nodded, and pulled the chair on the other side of Liu Sang’s desk out and sat down. He didn’t say anything. Neither did Liu Sang. They just stared at each other and Liu Sang wanted to look away, felt like his Ouxiang could see all his shame and confusion and longing.

“Didn’t mean to make you leave,” Xiaoge finally said, breaking the tension.

“I figured you didn’t need an audience,” Liu Sang finally decided on, pointing at his ears to make it obvious that anywhere in that apartment he would have heard them. Which, made him realize that they probably hadn’t really done anything since he broke his arm and moved in with them. It had been weeks. Maybe they had waited until he had fallen asleep. Though he wasn’t the deepest of sleepers, he usually didn’t wake to similar goings ons in the dorms, so it was a possibility.

“I don’t mind,” Xiaoge said with a shrug.

“Oh,” Liu Sang answered, dumbfounded from that directness. What else could he say? He knew he didn't want to kiss either of them, but did he want to watch? To listen? The idea flooded him with adrenaline and he wasn’t sure if it was the good kind or the bad kind.

“Good,” Xiaoge said and left, just as silently and quietly as he had come. Liu Sang blinked with the whiplash. He wasn’t sure how long he spent staring at the door, thoughts whirling around and around, unsure of exactly what Xiaoge was offering, when he was startled by the vibration of his phone. He looked down at it to see a text from Pangzi and opened it up.

‘Xiaoge said he talked to you? Sorry we got a little carried away last night. We’ll pick you up after work?’

‘Talked’ was one word for what had happened. ‘Yes,’ Liu Sang texted back. Answering both questions, his intentions to distance himself, spend a couple nights in the dorms, evaporated.

Liu Sang felt awkward when Pangzi and Wu Xie picked him up after work, but he tried to act normal as he slid in the back. He controlled his breathing, he controlled his heart rate and he thought he pulled off normal quite well.

When they got to the apartment his Ouxiang was already there, of course he was, it was still his day off. Like last night had broken some kind of dam, Pangzi pecked Xiaoge on the lips, then Wu Xie followed suit as he entered behind. Liu Sang, last to enter, hoped he wasn’t expected to do the same, and was saved from any awkwardness by a shoulder pat from his Ouxiang and a knowing smile. What that smile was knowing of exactly Liu Sang tried not to think about.

Chapter Text

After the Kissing Incident, Liu Sang tried to distance himself, emotionally at least. The time to getting his cast off was drawing ever nearer and he knew this strange domesticity he had found himself in wouldn’t survive that. He wasn’t sure how he’d handle just suddenly spending all his nights in his dorm room again, so he tried to spend a night or two there every week, just to acclimatize himself.

Each time, he was told he didn’t have to, but he could tell the next day that they had definitely taken advantage of his absence.

“You’re getting your cast off tomorrow, right?” Pangzi asked.

“Mmm,” Liu Sang answered, distracted by the book he was reading.

“You want company?” Pangzi offered.

Liu Sang put his book down and looked up, Pangzi looked and, more importantly, sounded like he’d want nothing more than to come. “No, it’s fine. Thank you, though.” Refusing was just another step in distancing himself from something he couldn’t have.

He got his cast off the next day. It was gross and he’d have to do a lot of physical therapy before it was back to its former strength, but he was officially back on active, if light, duty.

After he got his cast off, on autopilot he got on the train in the Iron Triangle’s direction instead of the dorms and didn’t realize it until he was standing outside their door. And it would be silly to turn around at this point, so he knocked instead of using his key, and was greeted warmly and without surprise. (Except for a ‘What did you lose your key Jinx?’ from Pangzi).

Getting back to duty was weird at first, then as if he had never left. He took to spending first nights off at the Iron Triangle’s, but usually the night before shift in the dorms, using the excuse that he could then sleep in longer. So, all in all, he didn’t quite succeed in distancing himself. But he didn’t really want to anyways.

He spent a lot of time thinking in the loneliness of his dorm room, and he finally felt that he had come to a conclusion that his heart could accept. Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Xiaoge were all his friends. Closest friends. He liked them. He liked hanging out with them, he liked being with them. He’d just have to accept that they felt the same. That he was welcome with them. If they never treated him like a fourth wheel, who was he to treat himself like that?

After many sleepless nights, he concluded that he really truly did not want to kiss, or have sex, with any of the three of them, and therefore his feelings weren’t crossing any kind of romantic relationship barrier, and must be firmly on the side of friendship by dint of elimination. He couldn't come between them if he didn’t want to actually be between them.

Whatever his feelings were doing, whatever they had between them, it worked. And Liu Sang was happy with that. There was no need to change anything. No need to actually distance himself for fear of being pushed away. If it was going to happen they would have done it already.

While he was on leave the definitely probably arson fires had abated, he wondered if the arsonist had gotten scared that there had actually been someone in the apartment building, since the rest of their fires were in abandoned buildings, but soon after he started working again they started up again though not quite at the frequency they had before, and who was he to say if they were the same person or even arson at all.

Chapter Text

Liu Sang stared down at the pack of drugs, newly gotten, in one hand, and his phone in the other. Hei Xiazi had been gone on vacation long enough now that he had to make the decision; call the backup he had been provided or take the drugs. He really didn’t want to see a new dom. Sure, Hei Xiazi had said the backup was good, and they were from the same company so they would have shared notes, but he wasn’t ready to figure out a new dynamic with a stranger.

He put his phone down and took the drugs out of their blister pack and swallowed them down with the bottle of water beside his bed. Then he left his room and headed to breakfast, hoping that the drugs would kick in and the itch in the back of his head would settle down before they got called out for the day.

He felt weird as he made his way across the open outside area, and by the time he had gotten to the cafeteria, he had to sit down before he had even gotten breakfast. His body felt too tight for his skin, and his throat itched. He scratched at it absentmindedly as he took some sips from his water bottle. On his next inhale his breath wheezed and he finally realized what was happening. An allergic reaction.

He tried to say something, but the words weren’t louder than a breath, and the cafeteria was busy enough that no one noticed. So he grabbed his bottle and threw it on the ground hard in the direction of a clump of his coworkers. That caused Kan Jian to look up and notice him and Liu Sang brought both his hands to his neck to indicate he was choking. The movement caused his head to swim and he fell out of his chair with a clatter, only saved from hitting his head by Kan Jian’s quick movement.

“Took... Syn-scene,” Liu Sang whispered, using the colloquial, much shorter name, for the drug. “Allergic.”

Kan Jian ran to the wall where they kept an emergency kit, and soon enough had a shot prepped and stabbed in Liu Sang’s thigh. Liu Sang felt his throat open up and inhaled, then just lay there breathing, while Kan Jian shouted at Huo Daofu and picked up Liu Sang and ran him to where their ambulance was.

Huo Daofu and his minion weren't far behind them and as they ran asked, “What happened?”

“Allergic reaction. Administered epinephrine,” Kan Jian yelled, not stopping his dash to the ambulance.

“To what, do you know?” Huo Daofu asked as Hao Yang, prepared the gurney, helping to strap Liu Sang down. Now that he could breathe, Liu Sang felt horrible and like he would rather everyone just go away and leave him alone. But he knew he had to go to the hospital, that the reprieve was only temporary.

“I think he said Syn-Scene?” Kan Jian asked, unsure.

“Yes,” Liu Sang groaned breathily. He should have just called the damn dom. Though the thought was still holey unappetizing.

“Right, we’re off. Kan Jian, tell Captain Xie what happened,” Huo Daofu ordered, then slammed the door shut on the ambulance and the vehicle rumbled out the door with a wail of its sirens.

Liu Sang tried not to feel alone under the cold glare of Huo Daofu. They weren’t friends but Huo Daofu was a good doctor, and Liu Sang knew he cared even when he didn’t show it.

Meanwhile:

“Kan Jian, tell Captain Xie what happened.” Huo Daofu ordered.

Kan Jian ran to obey immediately, only glancing behind once to see the ambulance pulling out of their station, lights already flashing. He didn’t want to leave Liu Sang, but Huo Daofu was good at his job and if he thought that the station captain needed to know what happened, he probably had a good reason.

Captain Ning stopped him on his way up the stairs to where Caption Xie’s office was. “What happened?”

“Liu Sang needed to go to the hospital,” Kan Jian answered.

Zhang Qiling who was behind Captain Ning heard and started running to the door. What for, with the ambulance already long gone, Kan Jian couldn’t guess, but he figured that Zhang Qiling knew something he didn’t. That happened a lot and Kan Jian had learned to just go with the flow.

“Zhang Qiling! Where do you think you're going?” Captain Ning shouted, commanded really.

Zhang Qiling gave her a withering look.

Kan Jian looked between Zhang Qiling and Captain Ning and knew that if he didn’t stop them, his team would fracture beyond repair. Zhang Qiling was always very stubborn and independent, but he usually listened to Captain Ning in the end. He had to deescalate the situation. “He’ll be okay. I gave him epinephrine and he was breathing better after that. Huo Daofu is good. There’s nothing we can do right now.”

“We’ll check on him in the afternoon,” Captain Ning compromised. That was good.

“I need to,” Kan Jian waved at the stairs.

“Go,” Captain Ning said. Zhang Qiling was still staring at the door, but no longer running out of it, so Kan Jian ran up the stairs.

The door to Captain Xie’s office was closed, so Kan Jian knocked on it, relieved when it was immediately met with an ‘enter’.

“Captain Xie!” Kan Jian saluted, then relaxed at a wave from Captain Xie and said, “Liu Sang had an allergic reaction to syn-scene. Huo Daofu is taking him to the hospital and told me to tell you.”

“Shit,” Captain Xie said, getting up from behind his desk. “Does he have a dom?”

Kan Jian blinked at the non-sequitur. “Um. I don’t. Maybe?” Kan Jian answered. There was that time Liu Sang was dropping and had come to the Iron Triangle’s when Kan Jian was scening with them that one time. But Kan Jian wasn’t sure if that was from a regular partner, or if that was a one-off. If it had been regular, he probably wouldn’t have gone to the Iron Triangle. But then again Liu Sang had been spending an awful lot of time with the Iron Triangle while his arm was healing, so maybe they had started scening with Liu Sang. Maybe they were his doms now. It wouldn’t be surprising.

“Who would know?” Captain Xie asked as he grabbed the bag by his desk and ushered Kan Jian out of his office.

“Zhang Qiling?” Kan Jian asked. Liu Sang wasn’t really open about his private life with Kan Jian, but Kan Jian thought he was wearing on Liu Sang and that they were well on their way to being friends, and Liu Sang was a little more open about how much time he spent with the Iron Triangle, and always had a little soft smile whenever Zhang Qiling entered the room. Aside from that, Zhang Qiling liked Liu Sang, Kan Jian could tell.

Captain Xie left the office, his long strides screaming business, and Kan Jian followed helplessly. Zhang Qiling was still standing, staring at the door, in the same stance Kan Jian had left him, though Captain Ning had disappeared elsewhere.

“Zhang Qiling, I need to know who is Liu Sang’s dom,” Captain Xie ordered without even a hello when they were no longer in shouting distance. Captain Xie, unlike Captain Ning, never shouted. Kan Jian still wasn’t sure which of the two was more intimidating when they had to be.

“Why?” Zhang Qiling asked, which was a good question.

“Liu Sang has taken Syn-scene and had an allergic reaction. That means he’s going to drop sooner rather than later. It would be best if he had a dom he was familiar with when that happened,” Captain Xie explained, which. Well shit. Liu Sang definitely wouldn’t want a stranger for that.

“Won’t do any good. He’s not available,” Zhang Qiling answered, which was good that he knew but bad if that was the case.

“Let me be the judge of that,” Captain Xie said, not accepting that answer.

Zhang Qiling studied him for a long moment as if debating what to say. Probably balancing Liu Sang’s desire for privacy against the current situation's urgency. Finally he said, “Hei Xiazi.”

Captain Xie took in the information without a change in demeanor and he took his phone out, dialing.

“Xiazi,” He said into the phone. Which was a surprise. Captain Xie knew Liu Sang’s dom well enough to have his phone number at the ready without even having to look it up?

Kan Jian wished that he was Liu Sang so that he could hear what was happening on the other end of the line. Not a skill he usually envied Liu Sang for.

“How quickly can you come home?” Captain Xie asked. Apparently today wasn’t a ‘hello’ kind of day.

His face scowled as he got an apparently not good answer.

“Two weeks? No, don't bother.” Captain Xie said then rolled his eyes into another pause. “It’s not me and by then it won’t matter.” He smiled a little with a slightly fond look on his face. “You too.” Then he hung up and dialed another number. “Get the car ready.” He didn’t wait for an answer before hanging up, then said to Kan Jian and Zhang Qiling, “I’ll bring him home safe. Hold down the station.” Then left.

Kan Jian blinked and looked at Zhang Qiling who shrugged and finally turned away from his stare at the door and made his way to the gym. Kan Jian followed for lack of anything else to do.

When he entered, they had the gym to themselves and Zhang Qiling was already setting up weights, so Kan Jian moved over to help spot.

Zhang Qiling didn’t lift up the weights for a long moment before he said, “If he talks to you, let him know I’m willing. So is Pangzi.”

“Of course you are, you’re his friends. I’m actually surprised you aren’t already,” Kan Jian said.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything as he started to lift the weights. Kan Jian guessed he wouldn’t get any more words out of Zhang Qiling today. That was okay. Kan Jian had plenty to go around.

Later at the hospital, after he was all settled in and no longer critical, the doctor, sadly not Liang Wan, Liu Sang could have done with a familiar face, came in and said, “So we’ve done tests, you’re definitely allergic to the brand of Synthetic Scene Replacement you took. Usually in these cases, you can just take a different type, unfortunately they all have one compound in common. You’re allergic to that one.”

“Oh,” Liu Sang said. And here he had agonized over whether or not to take the drugs so many times, and it hadn’t ever even been a choice for him. He’d have to make sure to tell his brother, since they were identical it was likely Wang Can was allergic to it too.

“Now, because of your reaction to it, and the fact that you can’t take any alternatives, it is critical that you scene as soon as possible. Do you have a dom or sub that we can call?”

“What? No?” Liu Sang said flustered, that wasn’t a question he was used to being asked. He was his own person.

“You’re a sub right?” The doctor asked.

“Um,” Liu Sang hesitated.

“Okay I’ll have our resident dom come in and scene with you then.”

“What? No, I’m okay, I’ll handle it, if there's nothing else I’d like the discharge papers,” Liu Sang said, panicked. He wouldn’t let some stranger take him down.

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you leave until you have scened,” the doctor said, then left without waiting for an answer.

Liu Sang waited until he was gone, then shakily got out of bed, pulling the flimsy robe closed as he did. He looked around trying to find where his clothes had gone but couldn’t find them.

He was debating leaving without his clothes, when someone opened the door, without knocking, and immediately came in. “I’ll be putting you down. Now sit back down on the bed so that we can get started. I don’t have time to waste.”

Liu Sang balked. “Absolutely not. I do not consent.” Especially to this dom who didn’t even think it was necessary to start out with pleasantries or even with what he was okay with doing and wasn’t. Liu Sang had read the books Hei Xiazi had given him and knew that would never be acceptable in Hei Xiaizi’s company, or anyone halfway decent.

“You are under medical advisory. I don’t need you to consent,” the man said, taking slow deliberate steps towards Liu Sang. Liu Sang took a step back, before he forced himself to be still and stand his ground.

“The hell you don’t!” Liu Sang shouted. He would get physical if he had to, he was strong and his muscles were used to working, but he was also shaking and still coming down from the allergic reaction. He wasn’t fully sure he could get out, and he still wasn’t wearing anything but a flimsy gown. The dom took another step towards him and Liu Sang resisted moving until the dom was in reaching distance and reached out to grab Liu Sang’s arm, at which point, Liu Sang retreated again. His limbs felt heavy and as much as he hated to admit it, he wasn’t in any condition for a confrontation. Just standing his ground left him feeling like a pool noodle.

His back hit the wall and the man grabbed his arm, squeezing in a grip sure to leave bruises. Liu Sang tried to tug his arm back but he was too weak.

A second later the door opened and his Station Chief, Xie Yuchen, walked in, a thunderous expression on his face. “Out!” he boomed, using the voice he commanded them with at the station and Liu Sang felt his body automatically react to the command, used to following it in situations much more dire, and had taken a step towards the door before logic caught up to him and he realized that Captain Xie was talking to the dom.

“I’m sorry, you’re not authorized to be here, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” The dom said, voice all smarmy and fake polite and so confident that he was in the right.

“Actually, you’ll find that you aren’t authorized,” Captain Xie said stonily and showed the dom a sheaf of papers. “I suggest that you leave. Now.”

The dom looked at the papers and Liu Sang could tell he was unhappy, but still, he left. Liu Sang tried not to sag too much against the wall in front of his captain’s captain.

“Come on Liu Sang. Get dressed,” Xie Yuchen said, and before Liu Sang could ask with what clothes he placed down a pile on the bed that Liu Sang recognized, then turned around, leaving Liu Sang to get dressed.

They left the hospital without incident, and once they were in a fancy clean and new town car, clearly Xie Yuchen’s personal one and not one of the station’s, Liu Sang asked, “Sir? Not that I’m not grateful, but they said I couldn’t leave unless I had a dom, and sorry, but I’m not comfortable scening with my chief.”

“That would not be appropriate,” Xie Yuchen agreed. “I threatened them with a lawsuit. They should never have tried to do that. However, that said, they were right that you do need to scene sooner rather than later. I’m giving you the rest of the day off, and if you need tomorrow too, you’ll have it.”

“Oh,” was all Liu Sang said. He really didn’t want to call the backup. After dealing with the hospital dom, Liu Sang felt gross and like the last thing he wanted was a stranger touching him. He rubbed at the arm the dom had touched.

Chapter Text

When they got back to the station, Liu Sang made his way to the small breakout room where they had beds. Because it was still early in the start of their work shift, no one was using them and it was a small enclosed space he felt safe in. He supposed he wasn’t going to be working the rest of the day so he could have just gone back to his dorm room, but the distance across the quad and the guaranteed alone-ness it would come with deterred him. Here, he was alone, but he wasn’t alone. Someone could come in. And because he trusted everyone he worked with, by definition that someone would be someone that he trusted.

He took out his phone, scrolling through his contacts and wondering who he should call. He knew he needed help, that this wasn’t something he couldn’t just power through, but there weren’t really any good options. He saw his brother’s name and it was a long shot; his brother was physically far and had his own work to attend to, but he made the call anyway.

As it was ringing the door opened and his Ouxiang came in, quietly closing the door behind him, and made his way to sit on the bed beside Liu Sang. Liu Sang gave him a, probably shaky, smile, then focused back on his phone when he heard the click of someone picking up.

“Ge,” he said into the silence. Then didn’t say anything else.

“What’s wrong?” Wang Can said, voice business like.

“Can’t I just call my older brother?” Liu Sang tried. He could. But they didn’t. Their relationship wasn’t like that. They had hardly even talked since Wang Can had left, and Liu Sang tried not to feel angry at his abandonment, at the thought Wu Xie had brought up a while ago that maybe it hadn’t been a choice. Wang Can didn’t say anything and the silence dragged on long enough that Liu Sang had to speak up. “Have you ever taken syn-scene?”

“Syn-scene? Why. No. Hold on-” and his voice became muffled, but still perfectly understandable to Liu Sang, which Wang Can would know, “- Give me five minutes. It’s my brother.” His voice became clear again. “No I haven’t had to. I uh. I told you about Liang Wan and her boyfriend.”

“That’s good. You're busy, we can talk later,” Liu Sang said.

“I’m always busy. Talk,” Wang Can demanded.

“I’m allergic to syn-scene and all related drugs. Since your my twin-”

“I’m probably allergic too. Got it. Thanks. Was there anything else?” Wang Can asked.

“I was wondering if you could come here. Tonight.” Liu Sang knew it couldn’t happen, but felt like he had to ask anyway.

“What’s wrong? I- Fuck. I haven’t slept in two days. I’m up north, at the earthquake? The roads here are shit. I think I could make it by tomorrow night,” Wang Can said, voice going distant as he, presumably, thought through logistics

“Oh. don’t worry then. I’ll be fine.”

“Liu Sang,” Wang Can said, knowing Liu Sang too well to let him get away with anything.

“I’m just dropping, because of the drug reaction. Don’t worry. I’ll find someone. I think tomorrow will be too late. Don’t worry about me, I have friends here.”

“Liu Sang,” Wang Can’s voice was soft and sad.

Liu Sang hung up.

Liu Sang looked to his side at where Xiaoge had quietly sat the whole time that he was on the phone. At Liu Sang’s look, his Ouxiang canted his head to the side and Liu Sang responded with, “Wang Can can’t come.” His hands shook and he clenched them into fists to try to stop them from trembling. It was fine. Like he told his brother, he did have other options.

His Ouxiang slowly lifted a hand, slow enough that Liu Sang could have moved out of the way if he had wanted to. He didn’t want to. Xiaoge’s hand landed on his shoulder, then his other hand came up and he was giving Liu Sang a hug and Liu Sang collapsed into his Ouxiang’s arms. He shook, giving in to the weakness he felt in the safety of Xiaoge’s arms. Eventually, he pulled back. Hugging wasn’t going to solve anything, in this case anyways.

“I can help,” his Ouxiang said, voice low and calm and matter of fact.

The idea was tempting. He trusted his Ouxiang, his Ouxiang was here, and they could- it would be fine. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t wanted to since he had seen his Ouxiang dom Kan Jian that one time, and more so since the Kissing Incident. Hadn’t been thinking of that firm hand on his head telling him he was good, two hands pushing him back against a couch. But this wouldn’t be that. It wouldn’t mean anything. But that would be fine. It would still be good.

Liu Sang opened his mouth to agree, when reality came crashing back in the form of the station bell ringing loud and insistent.

Xiaoge didn’t react to it.

“Go,” Liu Sang said. They were already down one fire fighter from him being out of commision. They couldn’t be down two. “I’ll be fine. I’ll figure something out.”

Xiaoge hesitated then nodded, coming to the same conclusion that Liu Sang had. “Pangzi is off today. Call him.” Then he ran out of the room, and Liu Sang collapsed back onto the bed.

He didn’t trust Pangzi as much as he trusted his Ouxiang, but he still trusted him. He liked him, more so than before he had spent weeks with both Wu Xie and Pangzi while his arm was healing. He had seen how patient and good Pangzi was with Kan Jian, and maybe had similar fantasies with Pangzi as he had with his Ouxiang, especially since that massage.

Still, fantasies he shouldn't be having, cause he knew he wanted more than what they had with Kan Jian. Or maybe he didn’t. He didn’t even know what Kan Jian had with them. He had thought that they were together too, but when he had spent almost all his time recuperating from his broken arm, Kan Jian wasn’t there often, and usually only to scene. Anyways, scening with Pangzi would not clear things up. It would just make things more confusing.

He would try Hei Xiazi’s backup first. He didn't want anyone scening with him just because they felt that they had to, and with a professional it was their job. He dialed the number.

When the phone on the other end picked up with a cheery greeting, Liu Sang said, “Hi this is Liu Sang, Hei Xiazi said that he briefed a…” what was the name again? “Su Wan as his backup while he was out, I was wondering when he was next free and could fit me in?”

“Let me check on that for you,” the voice said cheerily and there were typing noises into the pause. “I have an eight am in two days, if that would work?”

“Is-is there anything earlier? Only, it’s kind of an emergency,” Liu Sang said.

The voice changed from cheery to business like, “If you’re currently experiencing life threatening symptoms you should hang up and call 1-1-9.”

Yeah no, he definitely wasn’t doing that. His coworkers didn’t need to bring him to the hospital twice in one day, and he already knew just the kind of dom that was waiting for him there. He shuddered. “Not life-threatening. Just urgent,” Liu Sang clarified.

“What are your symptoms and how long have you been experiencing them?” The voice said.

“I had an allergic reaction to syn-scene.” And boy was he already getting tired of saying that phrase. “The doctor said as soon as possible I should scene.”

“Are you experiencing any shaking, coldness, sweating, shortness of breath, heart palpitations?”

“Shaking,” Liu Sang said. He was always cold, poor circulation, so that wasn’t worth mentioning.

“When did that start?”

“About ten minutes ago?” Liu Sang asked, trying to think back to how long he had been sitting in this room. “Yeah ten minutes,” Liu Sang decided. It was probably longer.

“I see. Unfortunately Su Wan really won’t be available, I might be able to move something around for tomorrow, but given your symptoms, it’s not recommended to wait that long. We do have an on-call dom for urgent cases like yours, that we contract out to, let me give you their number.”

Liu Sang absolutely wasn’t going to trust a strange dom that hadn’t even been vetted by someone he trusted, and not even an employee of the agency he used. Still, he dutifully repeated the number back as he stored it in his phone as a last last last resort.

He sagged and just lowered his head in defeat.

His heart skipped. Still a normal thing for him and not a sign that things were getting more serious and that he really didn’t have long to figure something out. Still though, he didn’t have long to debate, so he picked his phone up again and dialed Pangzi’s number.

Pangzi picked up on the second ring, “Sangbei’er! You never call Pang-ye. Are you dying?”

Liu Sang knew he should joke, give back as good as Pangzi gave. Instead he was silent for too long, trying to figure out how to word his request.

“Liu Sang, What’s wrong?” Pangzi said, this time, all seriousness.

“I was wondering if you would dom me,” Liu Sang said, forcing the awkward words out.

“Sangbei’er! This is not something you just ask a gentleman over the phone! What happened to taking a man out for dinner first?” Seriousness quickly gone from his tone, but Liu Sang could hear the nervousness the joking tone covered up.

Liu Sang closed his eyes and begged for strength. Maybe he should just go with the on-call. “Please don’t joke,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I have other options.” Not good ones, but it wouldn't do to make Pangzi accept just because he was a good person and thought he had to.

“Jinx, you tell me what’s going on,” Pangzi demanded, switching back to seriousness. And if Liu Sang was feeling better he’d marvel at how quickly Pangzi could switch back and forth.

“I’m going into sub withdrawal due to an allergic reaction of syn-scene. I need to scene today. Sooner is better.”

“Why didn’t you just say so Sangbei’er!” Pangzi exclaimed.

“You can say no. There’s a number I can call. I just thought if you’d be willing, it would be nice,” Liu Sang said, urging his voice to remain steady.

“Nice,” Pangzi repeated. “Your regular is out of town still, right?”

“Yeah,” Liu Sang answered.

“Okay, send me your Dos and Don'ts list, whatever you have, and we’ll figure something out. I’ll have Xiaoge come and bring you over while I read it. Is he still at the station?”

“Thank you,” then- “He had to go off on a call.”

Pangzi was silent for a beat too long then, “If I order a taxi for you, is there someone there that can come with you? If not, I’ll have Tianzhen come instead. Unless there's something else you’re not telling me?”

“No.” Liu Sang said. He didn’t think his shaking counted. “No one’s free.”

“No worries, no worries. I’m going to hang up and call Tianzhen, then I’ll call you right back. Are you going to be okay while I call him?” Pangzi asked, his voice taking on the tone of someone who had everything under control. It was soothing.

“I’ll be fine,” Liu Sang said. He didn’t have any other choice so he would be.

“Good, send me your list. I’ll call you right back.”

Liu Sang stared at his phone as Pangzi clicked off, then navigated to his saved list, tried to quickly read it, gave up, then sent it off to Pangzi. His hands were shaking so badly and his vision blurring that it took a couple of tries. He didn’t have to wait long until his phone rang again and he picked it up quickly. More relieved than he wanted to admit.

“Tianzhen’s five minutes away. I’ll stay on the phone until he gets there, okay?” Pangzi asked.

“Yes. … Pangzi?”

“Yes?” Pangzi asked.

“Thank you,” Liu Sang said, needing Pangzi to know how grateful he was.

They stayed in silence, or what Pangzi probably thought was silence, for what must have been five minutes when Pangzi said quietly, “Hey Liu Sang, Wu Xie texted me he’s at the station, but he doesn’t know where you are?”

“I’m in the breakout room. I’ll, I’ll go out to find him.” Liu Sang stood up, shaking hard, then took a deep breath and steeled himself, phone pressed tight against his ear, even though he could have heard it if it wasn’t. He walked out the door and down the stairs, and then opened the door to the station. He thought he had been doing a good impression of looking normal but Wu Xie’s face quickly disabused him of that notion.

“I see Wu Xie. I’m hanging up,” Liu Sang said and did just that, putting the phone in his pocket.

“Liu Sang,” Wu Xie said, and held his arms out.

Liu Sang halted his forward movement. “Not here,” he said quietly. He needed to hold it together, and here, in the open space of his workplace, was not the place to become a shuddering, sobbing, mess.

Wu Xie’s face went still then he smiled. “Of course. Come on, my car's parked right outside.”

Chapter Text

Liu Sang followed him into the car, and Wu Xie, sensing Liu Sang’s mood, was thankfully quiet throughout the drive to the underground parking garage of their apartment. They made it up to their apartment and Wu Xie unlocked the door and held it open for Liu Sang.

“Do you want me to stay?” Wu Xie asked quietly.

“I’m not kicking you out of your own home,” Liu Sang said.

“Eh I have errands I can run,” Wu Xie said, and, presumably reading something from Liu Sang’s face- Liu Sang knew he wasn’t able to control it right now- continued, “I’ll go run those errands. I’ll be a couple of hours.”

“Thank you,” Liu Sang said, instead of arguing more for something he didn’t want anyways. It was not that it wouldn’t be bad if Wu Xie was there, it was just that Liu Sang wanted as few witnesses as possible. This was already going to be hard for him, and he didn’t want another person in the mix adding yet another variable.

When the door clicked behind Wu Xie, Pangzi spoke up from where he had been sitting at the table watching them this whole time, “Jinx.”

“Si Pangzi,” Liu Sang responded by rote, not meaning it in any way.

“I got your list. Do you want to talk about it first, or do you want a hug first?” Pangzi asked, and Liu Sang realized that he had his own arms wrapped tightly around himself.

“Talk,” Liu Sang said, moving to sit across from Pangzi so that the table was between them. Blocking them. Protecting him. He shouldn't think like that. He couldn't help that he was nervous.

“There’s things on your list that I’m not willing to do, but there’s enough that I am that I think we can figure something out for this morning. Did you have any thoughts or do you want me to propose something?” Pangzi asked.

“I… spanking’s always easiest for me to go down with if you’re willing,” Liu Sang said, thankful for all the times that he had had to talk this out with Hei Xiazi making it feel less like his innards were going to rearrange themselves and more like just a normal discussion as he felt himself soothed by its familiarity.

Pangzi made a face. “Unfortunately that’s not something I’m comfortable with. I saw you also liked bondage, or massage maybe?”

“Yeah,” Liu Sang answered. Shit, he had messed up and they hadn’t even started. He looked away. “I’m not in the headspace for something elaborate. Just something simple?”

“I can do that. What about aftercare, what do you like?” Pangzi asked, back on the familiar script.

This was easy for Liu Sang. “I like to listen to documentaries. Something boring, or erm, not dramatic?”

“Like Wu Xie’s architecture documentaries?” Pangzi asked with a hint of a laugh in his voice.

Liu Sang smiled and let out a puff of air in his own laugh, suddenly feeling like the tension in the room dropped, and he was just hanging out with his friend, Pangzi, again. “Yeah, that’s perfect.” He debated for a second on whether to mention it, but he was comfortable with Pangzi. Pangzi had given him that massage that one time, and was always willing to let Liu Sang into his space on the couch, so Pangzi probably wasn’t opposed, and it would be nice to have it on top of this shitty day. “If. If you’re comfortable with cuddling, I usually like that too.”

“Cuddling and a show, definitely can do that. How about we do this in the living room. Would you like to change into pajamas?” Pangzi asked.

Liu Sang looked down at his clothes. The shirt would be fine, it was just a cotton t-shirt under his jacket, but his pants were a stiff sturdy canvas, suitable for working in, and definitely not nice to lounge around in. His only other option left his underwear. Which . No. “Yeah. My shirt is fine, but if you have something that would fit?”

“Pretty sure we still have your pajamas from when you were here last. Why don’t you go into your room and change?” Pangzi asked.

“Oh.” He hadn’t realized he had left anything. He probably did. Even though he wasn’t living here anymore he still spent the night here often enough, so he should have remembered he’d have stuff here. He was really not doing his best thinking right now. He went into the room and found a pair of pajama bottoms, and since he found a top too, he changed into both. The top was extra soft and comfortable. He took his hair out of its ponytail then took a deep breath, and left the room.

He found Pangzi sitting on the couch with a pair of bondage cuffs next to him and a kneeling pillow in front of him, making everything so much more real. He was going to do this. He trusted Pangzi. It would be fine. He took a deep grounding breath.

“Good you found them. You look comfortable. Why don’t you kneel on this pillow for me?” Pangzi asked.

It was a question, not an order, but it was clearly also the start of the scene, left as a question to give Liu Sang a final out. To allow him to ask for more time or change his mind. He put his glasses on the side table then knelt on the pillow, facing Pangzi.

Pangzi placed both his hands on Liu Sang’s shoulders, heavy and weighted. Liu Sang closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, centering himself. His whole mind focused on that weight. Gradually Pangzi’s hands migrated down his shoulders to his upper arms, squeezing his biceps, then over his forearms, which were resting on his thighs and finally Pangzi’s large warm hands engulfed Liu Sang's own hands and squeezed.

Liu Sang felt centered, and knew, just from this, that he was heading rapidly into subspace. He wondered if he would have always gone so easy with Pangzi, or if the stress of the day and the verge of the drop made it easier than it would have otherwise been. Given how he had almost slipped into subspace from that massage Pangzi had given him a while ago, he suspected it was more of the former than the latter.

“Put your hands behind your back,” Pangzi said, ordering this time, lifting his own hands off of Liu Sang’s. Liu Sang swayed forward, untethered, but Pangzi was quick to place a large hand on his head, and that was good. Liu Sang put his hands behind his back. “Good. I’m going to bind them together now, anything hurts, you tell me.”

Liu Sang tilted his head up and down in a nod, satisfied to feel Pangzi’s hand move with him. He might have whimpered when Pangzi moved his hand, but Pangzi was again quick to put a hand back on his body, shoulder this time. He heard the jingle of the cuffs being picked up, then a hand encircling his wrist followed by cool leather rubbing up against itself in a quiet susurrus as Pangzi buckled them snugly on one wrist then the other, then a quiet jingle as they were attached together. Liu Sang pulled experimentally, and slipped further down as they resisted his movement. Even just this simple bind felt amazing.

“I’m going to spin you around. Don’t be startled,” Pangzi said quietly in his ear, then his hands were back on Liu Sang’s shoulders and Liu Sang felt him and his perch spinning on the hardwood. Then he heard the creak of Pangzi sitting down on the couch and realized his back was now to the couch. Pangzi’s hands on his shoulders started moving, massaging them. Liu Sang let himself sag as Pangzi found knots and dug painfully into them only for them to release and flood his head with endorphins.

Unlike last time this had happened, this time he had permission, so he let himself go. He floated that way for a long while, only coming to when he heard his cuffs jingle and realized Pangzi was taking them off. “Whaaa?” he protested, disoriented.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m just going to take these off. Then you can join me on the couch.”

“Already?” Liu Sang asked

“Already he says, as if it hasn’t been an hour already,” Pangzi laughed quietly. It was a welcoming laugh, full of warmth and Liu Sang swayed into it.

That long? Huh. It felt like they had just started. But he felt good. So good. His brain was no longer screaming at him and itching, and his hands, now released, were no longer shaking. Warmer too. Comfortable. Belatedly he realized he had somehow ended up sitting on the couch, tucked against Pangzi’s side. When had that happened? He noticed the television was droning silently, and when he opened his eyes he could make out the blurry television in orange sand tones. Indeed one of Wu Xie’s architecture documentaries. “My glasses?” he asked.

“Let me-” Pangzi leaned away from him briefly, upper body stretching, then came back, “-Here you go.”

Liu Sang took them and put them on, the television coming into clear contrast, not that he really had any interest in looking at it, but it was a way for him to come back to the world which was always hard to do when the world was still blurry.

Next he was handed a bottle of juice and some pocky sticks covered in chocolate. Liu Sang slowly ate both, and luxuriated in the feeling of Pangzi against him, in the fact that he felt comfortable with that. Felt good, and not like he had to get away. It had taken him a long time with Hei Xiazi to feel this comfortable for this long after a scene. “I’m glad you said yes,” Liu Sang said. He wouldn’t have had this with the backup, or a stranger.

“I’m glad you asked Sangbei’er,” Pangzi said easily, the arm around Liu Sang squeezing with the words.

They stayed that way until the episode ended and then the next one started autoplaying. He heard keys in the door and realized that Wu Xie must be getting home and thought about pulling away from Pangzi, but he was so warm and comfortable and exhausted. He didn’t move.

The door opened and closed and Wu Xie entered, saw them cuddling on the couch and smiled. Then he saw what was on the television and gasped, “Pangzi! How dare you watch this show without me!”

Liu Sang stiffened, but Pangzi just laughed. “Relax Tianzhen. This is the last season, you’ve already seen this one. I know better than to watch a new episode.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay then,” Wu Xie said. “Hey Liu Sang,” and his voice had gone soft. “I picked you up a snack at the bakery, can I join in?”

Liu Sang moved closer to Pangzi, to make room for Wu Xie on the other side of the couch. Wu Xie sat down and instantly tucked his (cold!) feet under Liu Sang’s legs. Liu Sang tried not to feel warm and fuzzy about that. Like he belonged. Then Wu Xie handed him a box and the large fluffy buns inside were still warm. He picked one up and took a big bite, sweet and salty custard oozing onto his fingers as he licked off the goo, careful not to get any crumbs on the couch. “Thank you. These are good.”

Wu Xie was staring at him when he looked up and Liu Sang looked back down at the box in front of him where five more buns sat. “Oh, did you want one?” Wu Xie was staring quite intently. “Did I get custard on my face?” He rubbed against his face with his free hand and some custard came off onto his fingers which he licked off, not wanting to waste any or make a mess. Wu Xie made a choking sound next to him. “Wu Xie?”

“I’m okay! Just choked on my own spit,” Wu Xie said, words tumbling over themselves and merging together. “And I got these for you.”

“What about Pang-ye, am I not deserving of your love?” Pangzi asked in what Liu Sang thought was fake outrage.

Liu Sang handed over a bun.

“Oh no, I'm not going to eat yours,” Pangzi said, trying to wave it away with a laugh that was this time clearly directed at Wu Xie. Liu Sang reveled in the happy rumble.

“You really think I can eat all of these? Take it,” Liu Sang insisted. He felt a smile on his own face. Where had that come from?

They spent a pleasant afternoon eating the buns, though when only one was left, Liu Sang insisted on saving it for his Ouxiang when he would come home the next morning.

Chapter Text

Unfortunately, as the hours waned on Liu Sang felt his symptoms start to come back. Not quite as bad as they were before, but maybe to the level of what had driven him to take syn-scene in the first place.

Worried, he excused himself to the bathroom and furtively looked up if that was normal for an allergic reaction to the drug. What he found out was not good. Apparently doctors recommended that patients scened at least three times over the next day or two to get back to normal, though it seemed to vary depending on the person, most people agreed at least twice was needed. Liu Sang’s heart sunk into this stomach. He’d definitely have to scene before bed tonight.

Liu Sang rejoined Pangzi and Wu Xie in the living room, but instead of sitting between them as he had been doing, he sat on the separate armchair.

“Sangbei’er? What’s wrong?” Pangzi asked.

Liu Sang put his head in hands. “I don’t think just once will be enough. I’m sorry. I don’t want to impose, and if it’s too much, I really will find another solution.”

“Just once? Scening you mean. Of course I can help you again. It’s definitely no hardship to me. You don’t seem as bad as you were before? Did you need to now, or later tonight?” Pangzi asked.

“Before bed definitely, and maybe tomorrow too. I just feel a little weird currently, but I’m not dropping. Maybe in an hour or two might be good,” Liu Sang said.

“Do you want to do the same thing or something different?” Pangzi asked but a note in his voice told Liu Sang that he had an idea that he was interested in pursuing.

The last scene had been all about Liu Sang’s wants and needs, with only Pangzi’s will nots do’s into consideration. Liu Sang figured he could meet Pangzi half-way this time. Pangzi should get something out of it too. “What were you thinking?” he asked.

“Well. It will be dinner time in a few hours, I saw you were interested in feeding. I could feed you dinner, in the scene,” Pangzi explained and Liu Sang thought he detected a hint of insecurity in the tone of his voice, so unusual for Pangzi.

Liu Sang blinked. He had forgotten that he had listed that on his sheet. It felt like forever ago since he had filled in that form. It didn’t sound like a horrible idea, and was intriguing. It would be something he had never done before, but he trusted Pangzi. If it turned out he didn’t like it, he knew Pangzi would stop. Also, it would be nice if Pangzi could get something out of it this time too.

That evening, when dinner rolled around, Liu Sang helped Pangzi cook, fully aware the whole time of what would happen with the food that he was helping with. He was anxious, as he always was when doing something new, but the way Pangzi kept looking at him and smiling, clearly excited for the evening, made Liu Sang feel that it was worth it.

When the food was done and the table was set, Liu Sang felt as if his heart was beating so loud it was a surprise that no one else could hear it. Pangzi placed a cushion on the floor next to a chair and motioned Liu Sang to it.

Liu Sang kneeled down on it and placed his hands on his thighs, taking a couple deep breaths to calm himself down.

“Sangbei’er? If you don’t want to do this, we can do something else,” Pangzi said, probably indicating that Liu Sang hadn’t been hiding his nervousness well enough.

“No, no, no,” Liu Sang said quickly. It would be fine. Pangzi should get something out of this arrangement too.

“Would it help if I cuffed your hands behind your back? You liked that this morning?” Pangzi asked.

“Actually? Yeah. Yes, please,” Liu Sang said, having something normal would help. Pangzi briefly left the dining table and when he came back Liu Sang put his hands behind his back and breathed out a sigh of relief when Pangzi gently took one wrist, encircled it in the same leather from earlier, then the other hand, then hooked them together. He gave an experimental tug and relaxed further at the familiar situation. He smiled when Pangzi gave him a raised-eyebrow look. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Pangzi said, resting a hand heavily on Liu Sang’s head. Liu Sang leaned into it and rolled his eyes at Pangzi’s huff of laughter. So Pangzi had nice hands, so what if Liu Sang enjoyed them.

Pangzi removed his hand, and either sensing Liu Sang’s regret, or having his own himself, he said, “You can lean against my leg.” So Liu Sang did.

The first bite of food Pangzi brought down was a spring roll, perfectly bite sized and held between Pangzi’s fingers. Thin and cut in half, the smell made Liu Sang’s mouth water as he realized he was hungry and he eagerly leaned forward to take it with his mouth and blushed as his lips brushed against Pangzi’s fingers. Was that okay? Did Pangzi mean for that to happen? Did Wu Xie see that? What had he thought seeing another man’s lips on his husband? Liu Sang was so distracted by his spiral that he startled when a cup of tea appeared before his face. He looked up at Pangzi who just smiled and said, “Drink, ah?”

Liu Sang leaned forward, balancing the side of his weight on Pangzi’s leg so that he didn’t overbalance and drank as Pangzi tipped the glass up, thankful that this time there was no worry about fingers, and he successfully got a mouthful of tea.

A piece of broccoli, soaked in sauce was next, and perhaps because of its sauciness or perhaps because Pangzi too had thought the fingers were too intimate for two friends, the broccoli was held between a pair of chopsticks. Liu Sang was so distracted that he took long enough for it to drip sauce down onto the floor in front of him.

“Sorry,” Liu Sang said, quickly grabbing the broccoli into his mouth and lowering his head in embarrassment as he chewed.

“Huh. That was not something I had thought of. No worries, no worries. Tianzhen ah! Hand me a towel?” Pangzi’s leg flexed as he leaned across the table to get the towel, then Pangzi placed it in front of Liu Sang’s knees. “There we go! No more worries now.”

Dinner continued on, saucy foods on chopsticks, occasional sips of tea, and spring rolls by fingers, though the fingers now pinched them in the corner and Liu Sang was getting better about getting them without any lip-to-finger casualties. He didn’t quite enter subspace, there was too much to keep track of, too much active input required of him, but he didn’t not hit it. It was just different than how we normally experienced it.

It soothed the itch if only a little. It shouldn’t stop him from sleeping at least. Finally, there came a time when a piece of chicken was offered to Liu Sang and he was full so he just kept his lips shut and shook his head.

“Full Sangbei’er?”

Liu Sang nodded.

“Ahh. you did good. I think it's about time to let you up now, yeah?” Pangzi asked.

Liu Sang nodded again and Pangzi carefully placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing Liu Sang off of Pangzi’s thigh and up right again, before getting up himself and moving behind Liu Sang to release the wrist cuffs.

From there they made it back to the couch in the living room, and Liu Sang leaned again against Pangzi. Wu Xie sat on the single chair couch, and turned on the television, and a documentary started playing.

Liu Sang was fully up and making jokes with Pangzi about the artistic styles some architects had chosen, while Wu Xie kept trying to defend them when there was a knock on the door.

Wu Xie paused the show and got up to get it and Liu Sang didn’t pay much mind, choosing to instead get a refill of his drink when he registered who it was.

“Captain Xie,” Liu Sang said and gave a salute when Captain Xie Yuchen turned to look at him as he reentered the living room. He felt nauseous as he wondered how much trouble he was in.

“At ease,” Captain Xie said. “I thought I’d find you here. Is there someplace private we can talk?”

Liu Sang looked at Wu Xie, questioning. This was their apartment and he wasn’t going to just invite someone in. Wu Xie answered his look with, “Ah. Your room is soundproof. Don’t mind us.”

And, Liu Sang had wondered about the sound deadening feel of the room; had appreciated its unusual acoustics. He had thought that maybe it was just a quirk of the architecture, but the way Wu Xie said that, made it sound like a deliberate choice. Huh. Liu Sang blinked then said, “This way.” Then he led Captain Xie into the guest room. His room when he had been recovering from his broken arm.

Captain Xie pulled out the single chair in the room and sat on it primly, his pink suit looking pristine even after a full day of work. Liu Sang sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed, feeling rumpled still in his pajamas and hair loose around his face. He grabbed a hair tie that he had apparantly left on the nightstand and quickly put his hair up.

“Liu Sang. I came to talk to you about what happened in the hospital this morning,” Captain Xie said, and well, Liu Sang had expected it would be something like that.

Though wow, had it only been this morning? This day felt too long already. Liu Sang looked away. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine now. Thanks for being there.” Awkward as it was to have been saved by his station chief, he really was appreciative of it.

“What happened, what that dom did to you, what the hospital tried to force on you, it is not the first time that they’ve done this,” Captain Xie said, voice calm and steady but with a hint of angry undertone.

“What do you mean,” Liu Sang asked warily.

“I want to file a lawsuit. There are others, and it won’t rely on you, but if you are willing to testify as to what happened, that would go a long way. You’re a firefighter and firefighters are respectable, especially one who has recently been in the news as a hero.”

“Testify as to what. Nothing happened. You made sure of that,” Liu Sang said. He wasn’t a victim.

“You said no. He didn’t stop,” Captain Xie said, pushing.

“But you came in time. There’s nothing to testify,” Liu Sang tried again, twisting his hands in the bed sheets. Not sure why he was so against Captain Xie being right.

“What happened before I came in?” Captain Xie asked.

Liu Sang got up off the bed. He had been forcibly not thinking about what had happened. What could have happened. He put his hand over where the man had grabbed him. He had to move. “You saw. It’s not like he put me under or anything.”

“Still. It’s enough, and with the other people this has happened to, we can prevent this from happening again,” Captain Xie said.

“This wasn’t an isolated incident?” Liu Sang asked. This wasn’t the first time Captain Xie mentioned others.

“No.” The word hung out there on its own, no need for embellishment, as Caption Xie calmly watched Liu Sang pace.

Liu Sang rubbed his arm again. “Okay. If it will help. I’ll do it.” He may have become a firefighter so that he’d never again be a victim of fire, but he had also wanted to help people. Like his Ouxiang did.

“Thank you Liu Sang.” Then Captain Xie got up and opened the door. “Have a good night. I’ll see myself out.”

“Yeah,” Liu Sang answered as he scratched at his arm and waited at the door to the guest room while Captain Xie made his goodbyes to Pangzi and Wu Xie then left.

“I. I’m going to bed,” Liu Sang stated. “Can I…” He trailed off.

“Of course you can. Your room is always ready for you,” Pangzi answered as if Liu Sang staying had never been in question, and he kept calling it ‘your room’ almost as if it was Liu Sang’s. He had stayed over often enough they were all getting confused. Today though, he couldn’t regret his failure in distancing himself.

“Thanks,” Liu Sang said, then retreated back into the guest room, closing the door behind him.

He did not sleep well that night. He thought of Wu Xie and Pangzi, snug and safe and probably warm in their own bed and wished he had the courage to join them. But, even if they had offered many other nights, they hadn’t offered this particular night. So he didn’t.

He must have slept a little in the early hours of the morning, for when he finally opened his eyes and strained his ears, he could hear muffled sounds in the kitchen through the, admittedly really good, how much had Wu Xie paid for it to get done?, sound proofing.

Since others were up, he got up, ran his hands through his hair, putting it back into a ponytail, and wandered out.

He was greeted with Xiaoge and Wu Xie sitting quietly at the table drinking coffee and eating porridge. When Xiaoge noticed him, Xiaoge got up, and without asking, poured a mug for Liu Sang and scooped some porridge into a bowl, handing Liu Sang the mug, and taking the bowl back to the table. Liu Sang sat in front of the bowl. “Thank you, Ouxiang,” Liu Sang said gratefully as he took a sip.

Xiaoge stared at him for a long while before nodding and going back to his porridge.

Chapter Text

That morning, Pangzi offered to scene with Liu Sang again, and he gratefully accepted. Everything felt normal as Pangzi put the cuffs on his arms, but as Liu Sang tugged against them, expecting to feel the usual zing of contentment, instead his mind conjured up Captain Xie’s visit from the night before, and all he could think of was that dom grabbing his arm, refusing to take no for an answer.

“Shit, no. Red,” Liu Sang shouted and slumped in relief as he was suddenly able to bring his arms back in front of himself, hugging himself as he maneuvered so his back was to the couch. Safe. If he listened he could hear his Ouxiang’s familiar heartbeat beating steadily, and Pangzi’s beating faster than usual. He focused again to find Wu Xie’s, they were all in the room with him and there was no one else and he was safe.

His breathing slowed and he dragged a hand wearily across his face. “Sorry Pangzi, I don’t know what happened. I think, I think being restrained isn’t a good idea this morning.” It must have been the lack of sleep. “Ugh, I think I needed that too.”

“Is there something else we can try?” Pangzi asked, his heartbeat not quite back to its normal rhythm as he reached his hand out.

Liu Sang knew Pangzi was offering a cuddle. He had a particular way he leaned his body, used his hands and arms right before his Ouxiang or Wu Xie would lean up against Pangzi, but Liu Sang didn’t want to be comforted just then, so he ignored it. “I don’t know. I need something I think more active.” Spanking. That would probably work. But Pangzi was against that so he wasn’t going to say that.

“You mean spanking,” Pangzi said. Liu Sang blinked, not realizing he had been so transparent.

“I wouldn’t ask that of you. I know you don’t want that,” Liu Sang said, mind whirring, trying to think of what else might work.

“I’ll do it,” a voice offered and Liu Sang was shocked enough that it took him a second to realize that his Ouxiang had spoken.

“I- You will?” Liu Sang asked. He wasn’t sure why he was so surprised, his Ouxiang had offered yesterday, and he knew his Ouxiang was a switch by now, but for him to also be willing to dom Liu Sang, when surely there were now other options, was, Liu Sang knew his Ouxiang, Xiaoge, liked him, but this felt like proof. It didn’t feel like obligation.

Xiaoge nodded seriously, seriously like he did everything.

“Okay, if that’s okay?” Liu Sang asked, looking at Pangzi. He felt that he owed Pangzi something, maybe to make sure he’d be okay after Liu Sang had crashed and burned in their scene only minutes ago. “Are, will you be okay?” Liu Sang asked Pangzi.

“Pang-ye will be fine. Tianzhen will give me a good cuddle. You go sort yourself out, yeah?” Pangzi said. His tone of voice sounded honest enough, and Wu Xie was already taking that opportunity to get all in Pangzi’s personal space, so Liu Sang nodded and looked to Xiaoge.

“You’re room,” Xiaoge said with a tilt to his head in the direction of the guest room. It wasn’t Liu Sang’s room, but he supposed he had used it often enough, and Pangzi and Wu Xie had both called it his over the course of the previous day. Still, something about Xiaoge calling it his room made the warmth in Liu Sang’s belly simmer higher. It felt good. It felt like he belonged.

He followed Xiaoge into the room, and when Xiaoge sat on the bed and patted next to him, Liu Sang sat down next to him.

“How?” Xiaoge asked.

Liu Sang answered him, thankful for Hei Xiazi that he now had the words to describe how he liked being spanked, what things he had to specify. Ouxiang nodding along seriously the whole time made Liu Sang feel calm and not embarrassed by his wants.

When Liu Sang finished speaking, Xiaoge waited in silence to see if Liu Sang had anything more to say, then said, “Okay. After?” And Liu Sang explained what he had explained to Pangzi the day before, but added, “If you don’t want to cuddle, maybe Pangzi or Wu Xie would be willing to?” His Ouxiang sometimes cuddled with Pangzi or Wu Xie, but just as often sat alone on the single chair, and he didn’t really often touch Liu Sang, usually pushing Liu Sang on Pangzi whenever he thought Liu Sang needed it, so Liu Sang didn’t want to force him.

“I can do that,” his Ouxiang just said, then stood up and rolled his shoulders back and suddenly the energy in the room felt changed, his Ouxiang’s energy was focused and in control and dominating. Liu Sang gulped. His Ouxiang gestured to the bed and Liu Sang nodded a couple times, the nervous energy that had been strangely absent earlier coming up to reveal itself.

Liu Sang realized that he was stalling, so he quickly pulled his pants down then leant over the bed. He jumped a little when his Ouxiang’s hand rested firmly between his shoulder blades, then he forced himself to relax. To melt into the fabric of the comforter on the bed. Once he relaxed, his Ouxiang’s other hand was brought up and started lightly tapping at Liu Sang’s butt.

The motion was incredibly similar and, as his Ouxiang gradually ramped up his speed, Liu Sang relaxed even more as he remembered that Hei Xiazi had also been his Ouxiang’s dom. His Ouxiang had probably learned this from Hei Xiazi. That thought was very comforting.

“Count,” his Ouxiang ordered, pulling Liu Sang back from where he was drifting with his thoughts.

The firm spank felt so good, so familiar and it wiped all thought from his mind as he grunted out the numbers, feeling himself sink further down with each one.

By the time he reached twenty-three, Liu Sang was not in control of his limbs and his Ouxiang had to help him up and back into his pants, and back out into the living room. Pangzi and Wu Xie were cuddling, or more like completely entwined with each other, on one side of the couch and the television was already playing one of Wu Xie’s documentaries. Probably the same series as yesterday.

His Ouxiang plopped Liu Sang on the couch, right next to Pangzi, and taking that as a familiar sign, Liu Sang obligingly started to lean into Pangzi, but then his Ouxiang sat on his other side, and really this couch normally only fit three, and dragged Liu Sang back against his side. Liu Sang let himself be maneuvered, content to still give up control, and let his head come to rest against his Ouxiang’s chest, heartbeat soothing and all consuming.

Eventually he realized that Xiaoge had been trying to get him to drink some juice and he opened his mouth to suck on the straw that had been poking him, no need to move his head. He wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, but eventually his stomach rumbled so he pushed himself up and took the snack bar that Xiaoge was handing him and ate it obligingly.

Eventually he was fully up, but squished between Pangzi, with some of Wu Xie’s legs involved, and Xiaoge, he had no desire to move, and they all spent the rest of the morning until lunch time cuddled together. He wished he could have this easy comradery all the time, without feeling like he was taking too much.

Chapter Text

After the fiasco with sub-scene, Liu Sang scened once more with his Ouxiang the next day they had off, but then he felt stable enough that he didn’t ask again, and Hei Xiazi came back three and a half weeks after that, and Liu Sang had forgotten about the disastrous second scene with Pangzi, and was just excited to see Hei Xiazi again.

More often than not, when Liu Sang had his, still weekly, sessions with Hei Xiazi, Liu Sang was tied up in some form or another, so he didn’t think much of it when they started out. It was only until his arms were tied behind his back, that he started sinking down into it, before his mind flared in panic and he couldn’t get enough air as he tried to gasp and get free.

“Fuck, fuck. Out, out, out,” Liu Sang grunted as he pulled at his arms. They were stuck behind his back and he needed out. Now. He couldn’t breathe.

His arms were suddenly free and he jerkily brought them in front of himself. “Fuck, ow,” Liu Sang said as he bent over his right arm, mind still flitzing in bright sharp staccatos of ‘Not Safe!’. Hei Xiazi crouched in front of him, far enough away that Liu Sang didn’t feel crowded.

Liu Sang backed up anyways, until his back hit the couch and he could collapse leaning against it. Fuck. He had thought that he would be fine with Hei Xazi. He trusted him! They had done this too many times to count and Liu Sang had never reacted badly.

He had thought Pangzi was a fluke, lack of familiarity and the time in the hospital too recent. But it had been a month and he didn’t even think about it anymore. He forced himself to control his breathing and gradually he became more aware of his surroundings.

He looked up at where the rope was lying in pieces and the scissors discarded not far from them. What an embarrassing mess. “Sorry,” Liu Sang mumbled as he tried to move his arm, it didn’t move but the sharp stabbing sensation increased. He had gone down a bit and everything now just felt too overwhelming, he wiped at his face with his good arm. Too colossal in his fuck up. His skin felt like it was crawling with ants, and his breath became faster again as he tried to ignore the itching of his skin. There weren’t actually little insects. He knew that. He did.

“Liu Sang, breathe. We’ll get through this,” Hei Xiazi said calmly as he started breathing louder and slower. Liu Sang matched his breathing as he got himself more under control and less like the need to flee his own skin.

“Is your shoulder hurt?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Liu Sang shrugged, then hissed again at the flair of red hot pain. “Fuck.”

“Okay. I’m going to call an ambulance and they’ll take a look at it. Everything will be okay. Okay?” Hei Xiazi asked, holding his phone but waiting for Liu Sang to answer.

“No ambulance,” Liu Sang grit out between the pain. As under as he still was, the last thing he wanted to do was see his coworkers. Well not the ones he worked with everyday, those would have been fine, well maybe, but the other ones at the station that he didn’t know but still had to see everyday. He did not need to end up in an ambulance two times in as many months. He’d never live that down. Besides, it was just his shoulder. It wasn’t like he was dying or anything.

“Is it the cost?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“Not the cost. I’ll just take a taxi,” Liu Sang said. He wasn’t stupid enough to know that his shoulder did actually need to be seen to. It was just the ambulance he was against.

“Okay. We can do that. Let me just let the front desk know.” Hei Xiazi then called the front desk and canceled his next appointment. Liu Sang let his head fall back. Hei Xiazi was always having to cancel his appointments because of Liu Sang. He was such a fuck up. He thought about trying to argue that he could go alone, but he really didn’t want to. And given how much he was struggling in that in between space of subspace and not, it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to be alone anyways. And now that he wasn’t panicking he really wanted to be held.

Hei Xiazi helped him off the floor with a hand on his good arm, and when Liu Sang leaned into him, wrapped his hand all the way around Liu Sang’s waist. And that was like a hug, that was good, he was held.

When they got into the taxi, Liu Sang was quiet, not wanting to say anything in front of the driver, who was probably making his own assumptions from the location he had picked them up and the location he was driving to, and Hei Xiazi seemed to sense the mood and also didn’t say anything.

They got to the hospital and since Liu Sang’s writing arm was currently busted, he dictated to Hei Xiazi his information to write down. They had just checked in and sat down when Dr. Liang walked through, did a double take at Liu Sang, then walked over to where he was sitting.

“Liu Sang! What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Hurt my arm,” Liu Sang said, grimacing.

“Again? Why don’t you come back with me, and I’ll get it checked out?” she asked.

Liu Sang looked around the rest of the waiting room, sure the rest of the people were waiting longer.

She caught his look and said, “I’m on my break, and besides if I knew you were hurt and let some other doctor look at you, your brother will pout.”

Liu Sang stared at her. His brother did not pout.

“Sometimes I forget he has a twin, then I see you and you give me that same exact look. Come on, don’t argue,” she said, then turned and walked away, not giving Liu Sang a chance to argue.

Liu Sang shook his head but got up anyway. His arm was hurting and he really really didn’t want to see a strange doctor, especially not after how it had gone last time and was the whole reason he had hurt himself today.

“Do you want me to come or wait?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“Come,” Liu Sang said. He didn’t want to be needy, and he felt safer with Liang Wan, but Hei Xiazi had come all this way and Liu Sang would still appreciate his company.

She sat down in her office and Liu Sang sat in one of the chairs across from the desk and Hei Xiazi sat next to him.

She eyed Hei Xiazi then turned to Liu Sang. “Okay, tell me how you hurt your arm and don’t lie, you won't shock me.”

Liu Sang blushed and realized she didn’t know that Hei Xiazi was a professional dom and probably thought it was a sex scene. Not that that would be embarrassing, except she was his brother’s girlfriend and it wasn’t a sex thing and Liu Sang absolutely did not want it to be, nor did he want anyone thinking it was.

“We were scening and my arms were tied behind my back. I. I had a moment and struggled too hard.”

Liang Wan looked at him, her gaze intense, then said, “Okay, shirt off. I have scissors if we need them. Do you want your dom here for the exam or not?”

“He’s not my dom,” Liu Sang protested.

She looked surprised but just said, “Question stands.”

Liu Sang looked at Hei Xiazi. Liu Sang still hadn’t been shirtless in front of him, it was stupid, but he hadn’t yet gotten the courage to take it off. Still, he wanted Hei Xiazi here anyway, and he was a professional, Liu Sang’s scars were probably nothing to him. Though, he’d probably definitely recognize the tattoo. He nodded. “Here.”

Thankfully the shirt was on the loose and stretchy side, and with Hei Xiazi’s help he was able to get it off without the scissors and only minimal pain. Hei Xiazi clearly saw his scars and his tattoo, but he said nothing and his heartbeat betrayed nothing.

Liang Wan approached him slowly, the scars were probably not a shock to her at all if she had seen his twin shirtless, who had almost identical scarring.

She touched his shoulder to examine it and then wrenched it out.

“Ow!” Liu Sang screamed. “What was that for?”

“It was dislocated. You’re welcome. Can you move your arm now?”

Liu Sang tentatively moved his arm, and… actually it was better. “Oh. Thanks.”

“I’ll write you a doctor’s note, take your next shift off, then you should be good. Wear this sling until then. Do I need to provide you with information on safe Bondage practices?”

“No, no I’m good,” Liu Sang assured her, took the note, let Hei Xiazi help him back into his shirt, then into the sling, then left.

Outside the hospital, Hei Xiazi called another taxi, then got in the car with Liu Sang. Liu Sang leaned against Hei Xiazi, exhausted, “Well that sucked.” Hei Xiazi chuckled beside him.

When they got to the Iron Triangle’s apartment, Liu Sang hadn’t even thought to ask where they were going, but this made sense, he got out of the taxi and wasn’t really that surprised when Hei Xiazi followed him to the door.

Xiaoge opened the door in an apron with a surprised look on his face and a spatula in one hand. Surprised to see Liu Sang or Hei Xiazi? Liu Sang should maybe have gone back to the dorm. He wasn’t expected today. Sure, he had been spending most of his time off with them, but he had told them he wasn’t coming over today. They probably had something couply planned.

“I’m sorry, I’m interrupting. I should go home,” Liu Sang said before he could be rejected.

Xiaoge looked at Liu Sang then at Hei Xiazi and then stepped aside from the door and if Liu Sang left now he’d be rude and also he didn’t want to leave. He entered.

Xiaoge looked at his arm in its sling pointedly. Liu Sang answered the silent question, “I had a bad scene, dislocated it. I’ll be fine, though I’ll have to take off the next shift.” Then he turned to Hei Xiazi and said, “Thanks. For everything.”

Hei Xiazi hugged him, careful of his shoulder. “You’re going to be okay. We’ll discuss next time what happened so we can avoid it happening again the best we can. Do you need me to stay? Today was a lot.”

Liu Sang shook his head. The cuddling in the taxi had been nice, but he felt good now, other than the pain in his shoulder.

“Okay, call me if you’re experiencing any symptoms of drop. I mean it,” Hei Xiazi said, squeezing Liu Sang’s good arm.

Liu Sang nodded and Hei Xiazi left, closing the door behind him. Liu Sang stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“Kitchen,” Xiaoge said, then turned around and left. Liu Sang took that as an invitation to follow.

His Ouxiang was cooking something on the stove and Liu Sang made a noise of surprise. He hadn’t known Xiaoge could cook.

“Pangzi has been stressed lately. Wanted to do something nice for him,” Xiaoge explained as he stirred a pot, looking incredibly soft and domestic.

Liu Sang walked close to it and inhaled. “Smells good,” he said.

Xiaoge smiled at him then handed Liu Sang the spoon and said, “Stir.”

Liu Sang could do that, even with his left hand, especially after the time when he broke his arm as practice. He stirred and Xiaoge got more food out of the fridge and started chopping. The repetitive motion and sounds were soothing and Liu Sang felt his shoulders finally untense, only noticing how tense they had become with their release. They untensed even more as Xiaoge peered into the pot and said quietly, “Good job,” then patted his good shoulder.

He heard Wu Xie and Pangzi coming home long before the door to the apartment opened. “Oh it smells good in here. Did you cook Xiaoge?” Pangzi said as soon as the door opened. Xiaoge didn’t answer, he wasn’t one to yell, and Pangzi and Wu Xie soon found their way into the kitchen.

“Oh you did. Xiaoge, you're amazing. Best boyfriend,” Pangzi said, then he must have noticed Liu Sang, who was trying to make himself small in the corner as he continued to stir. “Oh Liu Sang! You’re amazing too. What did I do to deserve you both?”

Liu Sang flushed at the praise, embarrassed to be lumped into the same category as his Ouxiang, when his Ouxiang was the boyfriend and also did all the work, but he also felt suffused with warmth.

Liu Sang looked away politely when Pangzi hugged Xiaoge and kissed him. “Cooking,” Xiaoge said, and Liu Sang looked back to see Xiaoge pulling away to get back to his chopping. Liu Sang held in a laugh at Pangzi’s fake outraged face.

“I see, I see, I’m second to your vegetables. How can I help?” Pangzi asked.

“No,” Xiaoge said, then looked pointedly at the door of the kitchen.

Pangzi laughed, and the soft way he smiled at Xiaoge made Liu Sang feel really good.

Wu Xie, not one to miss out on a hug, quickly hugged Xiaoge then whispered in his ear, probably in a way not meant for Liu Sang to hear, “Thank you Xiaoge. Today was… not good.” Then he looked at Liu Sang fleetingly, something in his eyes making Liu Sang uncomfortable, then left.

“Should I go?” Liu Sang asked Xiaoge once they were alone in the kitchen again.

“No,” Xiaoge said firmly, so Liu Sang assumed he had misinterpreted that look and continued stirring.

By the time dinner rolled around, Pangzi and Wu Xie seemed back to normal, and were once again urging Liu Sang to spend the night there until he healed. Liu Sang didn’t protest.

He dutifully took the next shift off, and was thankful he could go back to work after that. The time off when he had broken his arm had been excruciating.

Chapter Text

A couple days after he had healed, and, ostensibly, moved back into his dorm, he was once again over at the Iron Triangle’s for dinner.

After dinner, Liu Sang went to sit on the couch, expecting them to watch a movie.

“Why don’t we do something different tonight,” Wu Xie asked, sitting down next to him so that their knees touched.

“Like what?” Liu Sang asked, curiously. Later, he would call himself, in this moment, naive. Stupid. A child.

Wu Xie didn’t say anything, but in answer, placed his hand on Liu Sang’s face and guided him closer, and Liu Sang let him, curious as to what was going to happen, and the next thing Liu Sang knew, Wu Xie had placed his lips onto Liu Sang’s.

‘Oh,’ he thought. His mind spun. Everything had been leading up to this in retrospect. He was an absolute idiot. An idiot that now had a choice to make. He let his mouth open, hoped he responded in a way that was acceptable while he thought furiously. He hadn’t wanted this, but he wanted the other things, the things that had led to this. So if he wanted to keep those, was this an acceptable compromise?

Wu Xie pulled back after too long, but not long enough for Liu Sang to come to a conclusion. “Is this okay Liu Sang?”

“Yeah,” Liu Sang answered, his voice sounding breathier than it normally did. That was a good thing right? Maybe he liked this? Maybe it was okay? It wasn’t actively horrible at least.

“Yeah,” Wu Xie echoed and then was kissing him again, nibbling at Liu Sang’s lower lip. Liu Sang placed his hands on Wu Xie’s shoulders. Wu Xie placed his hand on Liu Sang’s waist, and that… That was less okay. It felt wrong, and he couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t like Pangzi hadn’t touched him there before, steadying him as he had placed the cuffs around his wrists, wasn’t like Wu Xie hadn’t hugged him, low on around his waist numerous times before. But this time it felt like a promise. One that Liu Sang absolutely did not want to fulfill.

He felt Pangzi sit down behind him, his bulk lean up against Liu Sang, and suddenly everything felt like the ultimate betrayal. He felt so stupid for not realizing that this was the direction that they had all been heading in. He was angry at how much he had liked everything up until this point, things he couldn’t actually have without this. Their friendship was a sham and he had fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.

He gently pushed Wu Xie away using hands that were still resting on Wu Xie’s shoulders. Wu Xie let himself go, their lips detaching with a thread of saliva still connecting them. Liu Sang wanted to swig mouthwash. Wu Xie was smiling. Liu Sang was the worst person alive. He felt like his heart was breaking.

“I’m sorry. I…” Liu Sang trailed off and looked away before he could see the disappointment on Wu Xie’s face. He quickly got up and left their apartment, shivering as he opened the door to the building and realized he had forgotten his jacket, and with it, his wallet. That meant he couldn't take the subway home. He had his phone though. He could still call a taxi.

The app showed that it would take fifteen minutes, so he sat down on the stoop, miserable and cold and lonely. It was only a few minutes when he heard someone coming down the stairs inside the building and easily recognized the sound as Xiaoge, though would he even have a right to that moniker after tonight? He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He didn’t react when the building door opened and his warm coat was draped over his shoulders. He didn’t look up. He couldn’t face Xiaoge. He didn’t want to think of Xiaoge as Zhang Qiling. He didn’t want to go back to how they were before. Before everything.

Xiaoge, he couldn’t give up that name yet, sat down next to him, enough space for them not to be touching, and Liu Sang both hated and appreciated him for that. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes as Liu Sang tried to figure out what to say. What could he say?

“I’m sorry we made bad assumptions,” Xiaoge finally said. “We thought you liked us, we should have talked first. Asked.”

Liu Sang looked briefly at Xiaoge’s face, it was earnest, and regretful. Liu Sang looked away again. “You weren’t wrong. I wanted. I was stupid for not realizing where everything was going.”

“What do you want?” Xiaoge asked, reaching his hand out. Liu Sang moved his hands out of the way so that Xiaoge wouldn’t touch him and Xiaoge let his hand drop. Liu Sang wanted to scream at the injustice of it all.

“I-” Liu Sang started, and that was the moment the taxi arrived. “I can’t give you what you want. I’m sorry.” Then he got up, and got into the backseat of the taxi. He looked out at the window at Xiaoge, still sitting on the stoop, just staring at Liu Sang. They continued staring at each other until the taxi rounded a corner and Xiaoge was out of sight.

Liu Sang sighed and leant his head against the window.

He didn’t contact the Iron Triangle and they didn’t contact him and he went to bed in preparation for work in the morning.

He woke up and his phone still had no messages.

He ignored Zhang Qiling during the morning briefing, and Zhang Qiling did not approach him.

After the briefing, Captain Ning took one look at Liu Sang and Zhang Qiling, said, “This is not happening.” Then dragged them both out. Liu Sang was confused until they had left the (normal) ear shot of their coworkers and she said, “This is why you don’t date team-members. You two work this out right now, or so help me, I’m flipping a coin and kicking one of you off of the team.” And with that she opened the door to her office, motioned them both in and closed it behind them. She didn’t lock it. She didn’t need to, her threat was real.

Liu Sang wondered what he had done to make it so obvious, if even his captain knew that they had apparently been dating. And now… not.

“I’m sorry,” Zhang Qiling said.

“For what?” Liu Sang asked. There was nothing to work out, it was what it was.

“For dating you when that’s not what you wanted.”

And in retrospect, that’s what they had been doing. At least it now seemed that way, and- “Who said that wasn’t what I wanted?” Liu Sang asked. If he really thought about it he had wanted it to be that. He had liked that. It was him who was too stupid to not realize that that wasn’t the end game. That they had been dating him for real and not just fun. That it has actually been dating.

“I don’t understand,” Xiaoge said. Liu sang couldn’t keep thinking of him as Zhang Qiling, not through this.

Liu Sang sighed. “I may not have realized they were dates, which in retrospect, was incredibly obvious and Wang Can is going to tell me he told me so so hard, but I liked them. I wanted them.”

“But last night… Was it too soon?” Xiaoge asked a little furrow between his eyebrows.

Liu Sang wished it was that simple. “I don’t think it will ever not be too soon.”

“So... you want to date us, but not make out with us?” Xiaoge asked, confusion in his voice.

“Selfish, right?” Liu Sang laughed at his naivety, his stupidity, his childishness. He wanted that friendship, that closeness, that belonging, and it angered him that he couldn’t have that without everything else it came with. He picked up a piece of paper on the desk, made sure it wasn’t important and started crumpling it.

“Okay,” Xiaoge said.

Okay? Wait, what? “What?”

“Why not?” Xiaoge asked. He sounded… accepting.

“Uh, because you all clearly wanted something else.” Liu Sang hated having to point out the obvious. He started tearing the paper into half.

Xiaoge shrugged. “Not something else. An addition. An addition that doesn’t need to be added if not everyone wants that.”

“Why?” Liu Sang asked, firmly squashing the hope that tried to rise. He had to be misunderstanding, there had to be a catch. He could not hope. He teared at the paper again, relishing in the sound it made as it ripped apart. He would not hope.

“Because we like you. We like being with you. I like you. I let you in.”

“Can it be that simple?” Liu Sang asked, crumpling the paper again.

“Probably not. We’ll all have to talk, we’ll make mistakes. But we can make something work.” Xiaoge really seemed to believe in what he was saying.

“Ok. I. Let's try.” There was no way that Liu Sang could say no to such an offer, even if he didn’t believe that it could work out. He put the paper pieces down on the desk and tried to smooth them out.

Xiaoge nodded. He reached out, his arms wide enough that Liu Sang would fit between them. He did not take any steps towards Liu Sang.

The two of them didn’t really hug each other, it was Pangzi and Wu Xie that were the huggers. Still that would be nice, so he took the offer and stepped forward and tentatively wrapped his arms around Xiaoge and Xiaoge hugged him back, and then they let go.

“Hey, how long do you think we can stay in here until Captain Ning makes good on her threat?” Liu Sang asked. Her office was actually quite nice. Quiet too.

Xiaoge smiled, and so they hung out in the office until the alarm sounded, then they went back to work. When they got on the truck with Captain Ning she took one look at them and said, “Good.” and that was that at least.

Chapter Text

The call had been quick and easy, just another cat up a tree and they were quickly back at the station.

Liu Sang was hanging out in the break room, with the rest of the team, the remains of lunch around them when the door to the fire house opened. That wasn’t exactly a common event, and Liu Sang was bored of the current conversation so he changed his listening focus to see if he could identify who had come in.

“It’s better it’s us,” someone said quietly and Liu Sang instantly recognized the voice as Pangzi. “A friendly face, yeah?”

He hadn’t expected Pangzi and Wu Xie to actually show up at his workplace, and his first thought was ‘this is not an appropriate place to talk’ and felt a simmer of annoyance churn in his gut.

“I still don’t like this,” Wu Xie, for who would Pangzi be with but with Wu Xie?, said.

“Come on, let's get it over with,” Pangzi replied back.

Liu Sang frowned at this odd whispered conversation, dread churning in his stomach, but he pushed his chair away from the table anyways so that he could greet them, better that he faced whatever this was head on.

When he noticed that the conversation that was actually in the same room as him stopped, he paused and looked around, remembering that no one else would have heard anyone enter and him suddenly leaving would have been confusing. “Company,” Liu Sang said. “Wu Xie and Pangzi.” The last was added with a meaningful look in Xiaoge’s direction.

Xiaoge frowned at that, and was the first out of the break room door, as they all slowly made their way to the open space where all the trucks were along with Pangzi and Wu Xie.

Liu Sang smiled, tentative, mostly fake, and waved when they caught his gaze, but quickly dropped his hand when they didn't smile back. They were in their uniforms and combined with their grim faces he realized, with some relief, that they weren’t here for a personal visit. The relief quickly fizzled when he realized that them being here, unhappy like this, and not for him, meant that something really bad must have happened.

Everyone he knew and cared about was already here, so what could… Wang Can. Liu Sang froze. They were here for him, he could just tell. The earlier conversation slotted into the missing story. Something had happened to Wang Can. He froze going pale. It couldn’t be. They had talked just last week. He was going to be sick. He shook his head in denial.

Before he could say anything Pangzi walked closer to his frozen form and said clearly, and with no hint of friendliness, “Liu Sang, I am placing you under arrest for arson, please come quietly.”

“I. What?” Liu Sang asked dumbly. This wasn’t about Wang Can? He almost collapsed in relief, wanting to throw up with how quickly the adrenaline left his system making him feel shaky, but suddenly Pangzi had a hand around his bicep and was keeping Liu Sang up and what Pangzi had said filtered in as something other than not Wang Can being dead.

“Arrest?” Liu Sang asked, blinking. Nothing made sense. “Arson?” He was a firefighter! He put out fires! He flashed back to the increase in morning, definitely arson, fire calls they had been having for months and months, practically since he had become a full firefighter, now. Captain Ning had told them it was being handled. “I’m not. What? How? I didn’t do anything. I put fires out!” The last part sounded stupid as soon as he said it. He looked around and everyone else was staring at him in similar states of confusion. At least they didn’t look like they believed he had done it. Whatever it was. He caught his Ouxiang’s eye and pleaded with his own.

Xiaoge stepped forward. “Wu Xie?” he asked, not seeming to need any more words.

“I’m sorry Xiaoge. We have evidence,” Wu Xie answered.

“Evidence?” Liu Sang echoed. “There must be some mistake.”

“Liu Sang, I’d advise you not to say anything else, please come quietly,” Pangzi said, Liu Sang thought he saw regret in his face.

Liu Sang stared at both of them, numbly.

“We believe you, we’ll figure this out,” Wu Xie subvocalized so quietly Liu Sang wasn’t sure he wasn’t hearing things. Wu Xie and Pangzi both looked grim. Liu Sang wrapped Wu Xie’s words around himself and let himself be led out of the firehouse before they could bring out the handcuffs.

When they got to the car Wu Xie turned to him and got the handcuffs out. “It’s protocol,” was all he said.

Numbly, Liu Sang extended his hands and let the cuffs be fastened onto his wrists.

“We have to take those too,” Wu Xie said, pointing to Liu Sang’s earbuds. Liu Sang paled and brought a shaky hand to his ears.

“Please,” he begged. He wasn’t above begging for this. Without them he was defenseless against the world. “I can’t. I need them. Anything else. Please.”

Wu Xie looked at Pangzi and Pangzi asked, “Liu Sang, are those disability aids?” - and before Liu Sang could answer - “If they are, legally we cannot take them from you.”

“Yes,” Liu Sang said quietly, he couldn’t function without them, he justified to himself. So he wasn’t lying.

“Okay then,” Pangzi said, then put a hand on Liu Sang’s head as he guided Liu Sang into the back of the car, and then the door was closing behind him and Wu Xie and Pangzi were in the front of the car and they were driving away.

Liu Sang stayed silent, not knowing what to do. If they believed he was innocent, why were they arresting him? He wasn’t sure if he should say anything. Pangzi telling him not to talk seemed to be a strong hint. Liu Sang focused on them just in case they were trying to pass a message to him quietly. There was nothing, maybe he wasn’t listening hard enough. He strained harder. He tried not to feel like this was punishment for him rejecting them the other night. He knew in his heart that they weren’t like that, but he just wanted to talk to them, for them to tell him it would be alright.

When they got to the station, Wu Xie opened the door and Liu Sang made his way, awkwardly with his hands cuffed, out of the car. He was distracted and startled when Wu Xie took hold of his arm. He looked up at Wu Xie who had his lips pinched together in unhappiness, but he didn’t let go of Liu Sang’s arm. Protocol probably. Wu Xie said he believed Liu Sang was innocent. They’d figure this out. The touch on his arm still crawled like ants and nothing felt real. He clenched his hands into fists and tried to focus on breathing.

He was brought into an interrogation room and his hands were fastened to the bolt on the table. Pangzi left and came back with a glass of water. Liu Sang ignored it. Wu Xie reached out for Liu Sang’s hand then aborted when Liu Sang moved it out of the way, taking advantage of the tiny bit of slack he still had. The lights overhead buzzed so loudly Liu Sang felt like he was going to crawl out of his body. He held in a scream.

Another detective came in and Wu Xie and Pangzi moved to the corner of the room. Liu Sang tried not to flinch at the sound of the door shutting behind the new guy. It wasn’t an overly loud sound and normally he would have been able to handle it just fine, but he knew what was happening. He had overfocused on the car ride over and now he was overloading. He couldn’t control anything and he reached up to increase the sound dampening on his ear buds, remembering belatedly that he could.

“Why the fuck does he still have earbuds on?” The man said loudly, shouting at Wu Xie and Pangzi. “Give them here,” The man demanded, holding his hand out in Liu Sang’s space.

Liu Sang flinched, wrists digging sharply into the handcuffs and looked at Pangzi. He said he could keep them. He needed to keep them. He could already feel a headache forming and the words to defend himself caught in his throat and he couldn’t speak.

Thankfully Pangzi spoke up, not loud, but the sound still grated against Liu Sang’s ears. “They’re a disability aid, he’s legally allowed to keep them.”

“And you believe that? He’s a firefighter. They allow subs and just said, fuck it, let’s let disabled people in too? No.” The man punctured the sound with a loud slap against the table.

Liu Sang curled as much into a ball as he could and tried to ignore everything happening around him. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t stop it and the sounds were stabbing into his brain and everything was awful.

The door opened again and someone else, loud and angry, came in and threw something with lots of paper in it onto the table with a loud thwump. “I’d please you not to harass my client.”

“This is an interrogation, who let you in?” The man asked, standing up and towering over the short… lawyer? Person who had just entered. The, presumably, lawyer stood her ground not even a bit intimidated.

“I’m his lawyer-” the lawyer confirmed Liu Sang’s guess- “and my client is clearly in no state to be questioned. You will leave me alone with my client or I’ll file charges for abuse of authority.”

The man loomed for a second but still left, clearly angry. Unfortunately he also took Wu Xie and Pangzi with him and Liu Sang was left alone with the strange lawyer. He looked up, squinting through his glasses, finding it hard to focus his eyes with all the overwhelming input. The woman was definitely not a work-provided lawyer. She was dressed too sharply.

“I’m sorry, I can’t afford you,” Liu Sang said quietly. He was grateful for the reprieve though.

“Don’t worry about that I’m covered by Xie Yuchen,” the lawyer said, handing over her card to Liu Sang.

Liu Sang squinted at it, and was able to make out the name ‘Bai Haotian’.

“Why would he…?” Liu Sang asked. His captain wasn’t his friend.

“You’re a pivotal witness for an upcoming case, and this arrest could ruin all that hard work we’ve done. So we need to prove your innocence as fast as possible and get this off the record. You are innocent right?”

“Uhh.. Yes?” Liu Sang asked.

“You don’t sound so sure. We are covered by lawyer client privilege. Even if you aren’t innocent it’s my job to protect you, so what is it?”

“I didn’t do it. I don’t know what evidence they have, I don’t know why this happened,” Liu Sang said.

“Okay, first thing we need to do then, is figure out what evidence they think they have on you. Now, if they try to question you, do not say anything without me present. Just repeat, ‘I am legally allowed to have my lawyer present.’ I’ll get you through this, but you have to listen to me and follow my lead. Got it?”

“Yes sir,” Liu Sang said, then corrected, “Maam?” Captain Ning preferred Sir, but Liu Sang wasn’t sure what was appropriate here.

“Just call me Xiao Bai, or Bai Haotian if you prefer.”

Liu Sang pointed at the pile of papers that Bai Haotian had. “Is that the evidence?”

“This?” she looked at it and laughed, “No, this is just intimidation props. Okay I’m going to go now and track everything down. You Sit tight. And don’t say anything.”

Liu Sang lifted up his still cuffed arms in answer.

“Right. I’ll get someone to get those off of you too.” Then she left.

Liu Sang sagged over his arms. At least he was alone.

He jerked up when he heard the click of the door a second before it opened. Then sagged in relief when it was just Wu Xie. He did not want to be in the room alone with that other officer.

Wu Xie gave him an awkward smile as he approached. “I’m just going to unlock you from the table and bring you to a holding cell,” he said out loud, but under this breath in the space that only Liu Sang could hear, that Liu Sang even wondered if Wu Xie meant for him was, “This was not how I meant for today to go.”

And Liu Sang wondered if Wu XIe knew last night that he was going to arrest Liu Sang today. And the kiss had been what? A last goodbye? Liu Sang shook his head. He couldn’t deal with thoughts like that right now.

Liu Sang followed his lawyer’s advice and didn’t say anything. Not even to Wu Xie. And Wu Xie didn’t even try to get him to talk, just silently led him to the holding cell and took his cuffs off.

Liu Sang rubbed his wrists and moved into the back of the cell to sit down while he was left alone.

Chapter Text

Bereft of any way of keeping time, Liu Sang sat there in the fluorescent noise for what felt like hours, and given how hungry he was, he probably wasn’t too far off the mark. He was having trouble and had been really looking forward to his session with Hei Xiazi tomorrow. After the disaster that had been the last one, it had been way too long since he had properly gone down, and with his current stress, he needed it all the more. But given this arrest, and how slow it felt things were moving, he wondered if he’d miss that too.

He heard more footsteps and recognized them as Pangzi’s before the man rounded the corner.

“Liu Sang.” Liu Sang winced at the use of his real name only serving to make him feel more alienated from what at least before last night had been his friend, “I’m here to bring you back to the interview room. If you could put out your hands to be cuffed please?”

Liu Sang did as asked, and still, kept his mouth shut.

He was relieved when he got to the room and the lawyer, Bai Haotian, was present already, and tried not to be disappointed when the other officer was there again and Wu Xie was absent.

At least the man this time didn’t try to take his earbuds away. He wasn’t even cuffed to the table, and Liu Sang didn’t say anything about it as he kept his hands below the table to not draw attention to them. Pangzi sat next to the other officer, leaned back and crossed his arms.

“Xue Wu,” Pangzi said, angling his head at the other officer. Liu Sang wondered at that courtesy, but at least he now knew the name of the man trying to ruin his life.e

Xue Wu opened the folder in front of him and brought out three pictures, turning them around and placing them one by one in front of Liu Sang.

Liu Sang looked at them and wasn’t too surprised that they were himself, but was surprised that he didn’t quite recognize the locations in them. And something else was off. It looked like him, but he didn’t own that jacket, and he didn’t think his face usually made that expression. He was used to looking at himself in a not quite mirror with Wang Can, such that he never confused pictures of Wang Can for himself, but these pictures also weren’t Wang Can. Something was off.

Liu Sang looked at his lawyer and when she didn’t say anything he leaned forward. “That’s not me,” Liu Sang said, tapping the middle one that had the clearest closest up view of not his face, but also his face. The other two were blurrier, and more side angled and back, and he couldn’t be as sure.

“Really?” Xue Wu said, picking up the picture, “So you're saying there just happens to be someone else walking around with your face?”

Liu Sang winced at the judgmental tone of his voice, and of course there was, Wang Can, but if he was in trouble for somehow being in that picture that wasn’t of him, he absolutely wasn’t going to give this man any more fodder and a way to arrest Wang Can too. Especially since that wasn’t even Wang Can.

Xue Wu laughed. “Very funny. Now we got you on video right before the scene of three fires. I’m sure we’ll find evidence at more of them.”

“That’s not me,” Liu Sang repeated, looking at Bai Haotian. She wasn’t looking at him but examining the photos still.

“Right. Next you're going to say that you had an alibi for the fires.”

Liu Sang thought desperately about the most recent fire, but if it had been set right before he went on shift he was asleep in his dorms, and he probably was for all the others unless... “When were they started?” Maybe it was on a delay.

“Now I ask the questions here-”

Bai Haotian interrupted Xue Wu, “You asked for an alibi, my client can’t give you one if he doesn’t know when you need one for.”

Xue Wu glared but answered her, not looking at Liu Sang, “Each one was about an hour before the call came in.” Then he rattled off dates so quickly Liu Sang was forced to ignore everything after the first two.

Liu Sang looked at Bai Haotian and said, “I was asleep. I set my alarm to give me just enough time to make it from the dorms to the squad room. At that time I’m asleep. I usually spend the night before shift, and I think I was on shift for most of those dates, at my dorm room. If one of them wasn’t my shift I might have been at,” Liu Sang looked furtively at Pangzi then away, “a friend's house.” He wasn’t sure if Pangzi would still consider him a friend after last night, and if being involved with Pangzi would get Pangzi in trouble at the station.

“You were on shift for every fire, which you already know, because you wanted to be the firefighter putting it out. You wanted to be the hero, is that it? Got you kicks off when you were in the newspaper for rescuing that old woman. Did you know the building wasn’t empty? Was that your plan? Be a bigger hero?”

Liu Sang didn’t answer any of that. He didn’t feel like there wasn’t anything he could say.

Bai Haotian stepped up and said, “Was there a question you actually wanted to know the answer to, instead of just making assumptions? If these are all you have, you're grasping at straws.”

“We’ll find more, don’t you worry your pretty head,” Xue Wu said in such a condescending tone that Liu Sang felt dirty for just being in the same room as him. “We can keep him here for a week with this and I bet you there won’t be a single fire during that time.” He got up and left.

A week. That was. Liu Sang wasn’t sure he would be able to stand a week in this place. His ear buds would need charging. He didn’t have a change of clothes. The fluorescents wouldn't stop buzzing. He couldn’t-

“I’ll leave you to discuss this with your client,” Pangzi said, interrupting Liu Sang’s spiraling thoughts. Liu Sang looked at him, full on, for the first time since the interrogation had started and Pangzi looked sad and weary. His face drawn. Then he was gone.

“So, how did you know these weren’t you? You seemed very sure before you even knew what they were,” Bai Haotian asked as she gathered up the pictures that Xue Wu had left behind.

“I have a twin. Identical,” Liu Sang said, somewhat reluctantly.

“So you think this is him? If that’s the case we can share that evidence, get you out of here earlier, if he did it, surely there's something-”

“No,” Liu Sang said, interrupting her, realizing she didn’t understand. “It can’t be him, he lives far away, and besides that’s not him either. I meant I’m used to seeing someone who looks like me but isn’t. That isn’t me. My face doesn’t do that. Those aren’t my clothes.”

“Okay. So there’s a third person who looks exactly like you. Could you have a triplet?”

“No. It’s always just been me and Wang Can. I don’t know how someone looks like me.”

“Sounds to me like someone is framing you. Have you angered anyone recently?” she asked.

“That hospital case maybe. I don’t think they’re very happy to be sued. But the fires started before that,” Liu Sang said.

“Hmm, the fires are always when you're on shift. But you share that shift with others. And these pictures are all recent, after you started the case. Could it be someone was targeting your team, then you pissed them off directly and they switched to just you?”

“But why?” Liu Sang asked.

“I guess it could be anything. Your captain is a woman, the only one on the force, did you know that?”

“She is? Huh. But if they're angry at her, again, why switch to me?” Liu Sang asked again.

“You’re a sub right? Maybe they just hate subs on the force too. Another reason to target your team,” she said.

“How does this help?” Liu Sang could feel his headache increasing as his mind whirred.

“It might not. I’ll have my team look into it. Now, I’ll try to get you out of here, but if someone is targeting you, it might be safer to stay here anyways. Tell me what you need tonight and the next few days and I’ll try to get it for you.

“I,” Liu Sang pointed at the ear buds in his ears. “My charging case, I need to be able to charge them. They’re, I can’t function well without them.”

“Right. Wang Yueben recorded them as disability aids, so that should be easy to get the charger in. Anything else?”

“I haven’t,” Liu Sang swallowed, she was still a stranger and this was personal. But she was also the only one that could help him. “I haven’t gone down properly in a while. I was supposed to have an appointment tomorrow but…”

“But now you’re stuck here. I can get the doctor’s here to dispense you some syn-scene to cover you while -”

“I can’t. I’m allergic to all brands. That’s how the whole hospital case started,” Liu Sang said, resigning himself to just trying to push through the feeling of need.

“Right. You said an appointment. Do you see a professional?”

Liu Sang nodded.

“Okay, provide me with their information, if they’re cleared to work in prisons, then they’ll be able to come and help you. If not, I can find you another dom who is.”

“No strangers, Liu Sang said quickly. “If he can’t. I don’t want. I can’t. I just. Fuck.”

“Okay Liu sang. Let’s start with your dom first and if that doesn’t pan out we’ll work on another solution. We’ll figure something out. Trust me.”

“Okay,” Liu Sang said. He didn’t really have any other choice.

“Right, anything else?” Liu Sang shook his head. “Okay I’ll get my team looking into what we discussed. They’re good at uncovering secrets.”

She opened the door and spoke to whoever was right outside, Liu Sang was relieved to hear it was Pangzi’s voice and then Pangzi was back in the room and motioning Liu Sang up and placing a gentle hand on Liu Sang’s arm.

Somewhere between maneuvering Liu Sang, Pangzi whispered, “Xiao Bai’s really good at her job. She’ll uncover the truth. Tianzhen and I are also working hard, we won’t rest until you're free.”

The strong sense of Pangzi’s conviction, that he knew Liu Sang was innocent and would stop at nothing to help him, did more for Liu Sang’s hope than Bai Haotian ever could have.

He realized then, that some part of him had thought that now that he had proved to them last night that he wasn’t interested in them, and that he was just leading them on this whole time that they would just distance themselves from him. After all, what reason did they have to help him if he wasn’t going to ever sleep with them? He was a little overwhelmed that they were still going to help him.

Dinner was in his cell, and when it arrived with the charger for his ear buds, he almost weeped at the relief of the knowledge that Bai Haotian actually was true to her word.

He still didn’t sleep well, but at least they had turned the lights off.

Chapter Text

The next day Wu Xie came to him after breakfast (in his cell) and said that Hei Xiazi was here to see him and that he would escort Liu Sang there.

Liu Sang let his hands be cuffed, only wincing a little as they hit a tender area that must have gotten bruised from all the cuffing yesterday. Wu Xie noticed and grimaced but didn’t say anything. Liu Sang accepted that there was probably nothing that he could do about it.

Thankfully when they got to the room that Hai Xiazi was waiting in, Wu Xie uncuffed him again. Then Wu Xie left and Liu Sang heard the click of the door as it locked. Looking at the door, there was no handle on this side anyways.

“Well, this isn’t ideal,” Hei Xiazi said as soon as they were alone.

Liu Sang surprised himself with a laugh at that.

“But we’ll make do. Know that we have client patient confidentiality here too, and that it’s illegal to make recordings in this room,” Hei Xiazi said.

“Okay,” Liu Sang said, unsure why Hei Xiazi was being so very specific about what he was saying.

“With that knowledge I want you to know that Yaba says to tell you he knows you didn’t do it. And that Xiao Hua, um, your Captain Xie Yuchen is pulling out all the stops to figure out who really did it. Trust me, he has the best team on it.”

“Why?” Liu Sang asked, confused that Hei Xiazi would know all that.

“Because you're on his team, he takes care of his own.”

“No, I mean why did he tell you?” Liu Sang clarified.

“Because he knew I was going to see you today. He’s my partner. Oh, you didn’t know, of course he never said anything. Right, well that’s awkward. Small world am I right?” Hei Xiazi laughed nervously and Liu Sang realized that was the only time he had ever heard Hei Xiazi be nervous.

“Okay,” Liu Sang said, and it was, though if Hei Xiazi was a dom and Xie Yuchen was a dom… Liu Sang shook his head at himself, he was probably wrong in his assumptions. Though if Captain Xie was a sub, that put a whole new light into things with the case involving the hospital.

“Right. Well why don’t we get started by talking about last time. You used to like getting tied up, what happened?” Hei Xiazi asked, smoothly transitioning back to the self-confident dom that Liu Sang was familiar with.

“Um, did Captain Xie tell you then about the case in the hospital?” Liu Sang asked, hoping he wouldn’t have to tell all the details.

“The case in the.. The one with the subs being forced to submit to the hospital doms? He’s talked about it, but how does that relate to you?”

“I’m one of the subs,” Liu sang said as he fiddled with his shirt. His gross shirt that he’d been wearing for more than a day. That he had had to sleep in the night before. “I. Turns out I’m allergic to sub-scene,” Liu Sang let out a humorless laugh. “And that reaction apparently makes it way more likely for me to drop and thus need to scene. The hospital tried to force me to scene with their dom. I told him no, but … Anyways. Captain Xie came in before anything really bad could happen. It was fine. He barely even touched me. I. I didn't think I was affected, but well, I scened with Pangzi after that and it was fine, but the next day when he tied me up, I panicked and had to safe-word. I don’t even know why, it’s not like that dom tied me up or anything. That was over a month ago so when we scened last week I didn’t really think anything of it. Pangzi was a new variable, I’m familiar with you, I trust you, I didn't even think. Fuck I hate this.”

“That’s a lot. So bondage is off the table for a bit maybe?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“But I like it. Liked it. I don’t want it to be ruined for me.”

“Okay, we can work up to it again if you want. Though maybe we wait until this whole arrest case blows over and we can be back in a familiar room. This room really isn’t ideal. They wouldn’t even let me take my phone in. So thoughts on what we can safely do today then? Spanking is always a good standby?”

“No. Not. I know it is, but I’m already uncomfortable here, I don’t need more bruises,” Liu Sang said.

“More? Liu Sang, are they hurting you?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“No. not really, just my wrists are sore from the cuffs. Nothing to be helped.”

“Let me see. Hmmph. I’ll say something. That’s not right,” Hei Xiazi said. “So, thoughts?”

“Something that feels good?” Liu Sang asked, not sure what that might be involved but knowing as he said it that that was exactly what he needed.

“Hmm, you liked it when I washed your hair, when your arm was broken, yeah?” Liu Sang nodded. “They don’t have that kind of setup here, but, hmm, let’s see… I could give you a massage. They have a nice bed here and I know they have some lotion in one of the drawers.”

“Okay.”

“Good, now they took my phone and there’s no radio or anything here, so I won't be able to play any kind of documentary during aftercare. Any thoughts on that?”

“I dunno. Maybe just talk. Boring things. Facts.”

“I can do that. Okay, why don’t you take off as much clothes as you feel comfortable, and lay down on this bed face down.”

Liu Sang picked at his shirt, then determinedly took it off. Hei Xiazi had seen his scars last week, and he really didn’t want to be wearing this shirt any longer. He’d be more comfortable out of it. And there was no point in going part way, so he also took off his stiff pants. He left his underwear on, while wishing he had a change of pair.

He laid down on the bed, it was just as comfortable, or maybe uncomfortable was the better word for it, as the cot in his cell. But it was okay. The sheets were cheap and scratchy too. He went to put his face down on the pillow, remembered he still had his glasses on, so took them off and placed them on table next to the bed.

He tried to settle down, but he felt keyed up still, and tracked Hei Xiazi’s sound with his ears. Even still, he jumped a little when Hei Xiazi placed a dry hand on the center of his back.

“Liu Sang?”

“I’m fine. Just surprised. You can continue,” Liu Sang said, admonishing himself to not be so jumpy. He hadn’t been this jumpy since he had first met Hei Xiazi.

At least Hei Xiazi took him at his word instead of stopping, moving his hand, joining with the other one up and down his back, then squeezing his shoulders and biceps. He repeated the motion a couple more times and Liu Sang felt himself finally relaxing into the warm touch. Hei Xiazi lifted one hand off his back, the other still resting on his shoulder and Liu Sang heard the snick of a cap opening and something viscous being poured out before the hand returned to Liu Sang’s back, this time slick with what must be the lotion mentioned earlier.

Hei Xiazi continued the previous motions, this time slick and sliding with the help of the lotion as he started to add more pressure. Liu Sang focused on the sound of the hands and the feel against his back and breathed slowly and deeply as he felt himself slipping and let himself start the long slow glide into subspace as Hei Xiazi’s hand seemed to find all his knots, digging into them in a good, pain, release relief cycle. Liu Sang wanted it to last forever. When Hei Xiazi picked up one of his hands and massaged between his thumb and forefinger Liu Sang let out a quiet noise and his brain sent him little fizzles of contentment.

He didn’t want to move when Hei Xiazi finished, patting at his back and legs and arms with a rough towel, but he let Hei Xiazi help him roll over anyways and get settled with his back against the wall and Hei Xiazi sitting next to him, curled around Liu Sang in a hug, and blankets brought up over his lap.

Liu Sang leaned against Hei Xiazi, and accepted the juice he was handed. In the back of his mind he was thankful they at least allowed that in this crap of a room. He didn’t want to come up, to have to reface the reality that he was in prison, arrested, stuck here, and he drifted longer than he probably usually did just listening and feeling Hei Xiazi speak against him.

But eventually the inexorable movement of time moved on and Liu Sang found he was full up. He groaned when he realized he was still in his underwear. He wrinkled his nose at his smelly old clothes, but put them on anyway.

“Hang in there Liu Sang,” Hei Xiazi said as he hugged Liu Sang goodbye.

“Thank you,” Liu Sang said. And he felt more stable. More ready to face what the day brought him. He nodded as Hei Xiazi held a hand up to the door and one eyebrow raised. At his action, Hei Xiazi knocked on the door to tell them they were done.

When Wu Xie came into the room Liu Sang noticed the cuffs he had had some padding on them. Liu Sang felt something warm in his stomach at the gesture. Something good. He almost wanted to cry at this sign that Wu Xie still cared about him. He didn’t. He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Wu Xie was still a detective.

While he was already to take on the day, Liu Sang would end up disappointed as he was ignored in his cell, beyond meal delivery, the whole day. Though when night came, Pangzi was at his cell with a change of clothes folded up. Liu Sang recognized them as a set he had left at the Iron Triangles, soft and warm and comfortable without looking like pajamas. It felt like another sign that the Iron triangle still cared about him.

Chapter Text

He spent the next three days, time only kept by the cycle of meals and lights, extremely bored and alone. Either Wu Xie or Pangzi always brought him his meals, and once a day a change of clothes, but neither of them said anything when they did. Liu Sang, still hyper cognizant of the fact that they were still cops and Bai Haotian had told him not to speak to anyone, and them probably with the same thoughts keeping them all silent. The cell was probably being recorded and they didn’t give him any preferential treatment, but they were, he supposed, as kind as they could be.

On the morning of the third day, Wu Xie came, too soon after breakfast, so Liu Sang held his hands out to be cuffed, assuming that they were finally going to interrogate him some more or tell him something, anything.

Wu Xie shook his head and the way his smile was so big and wide gave Liu Sang hope that finally something good was going to happen. Wu Xie unlocked the cell door and said, “You’re a free man Liu Sang!”

“I… what?” Liu Sang asked. It felt so sudden.

“Turns out the ‘evidence’-” and the giant nerd actually did air quotes- “was fabricated by a group called the Wang’s, not your brother don’t worry. We’ve got enough evidence to put them away and exonerate you. So I’ve come to liberate you! Let's go now, Pangzi has the car all ready.”

“But why me?” Liu Sang asked as he quickly followed Wu Xie out of the cell. If they were letting him go, he wasn’t going to stay in that cell any longer. Thoughts of a shower and his own bed, okay the bed in the Iron Triangle’s guest room if he was honest, danced in his head.

“Turns out they are an anti-sub traditional group, and they were actually targeting your whole team since it’s not composed of male dom’s. They wanted your team to fail so hard it would get disbanded, and when you started that lawsuit with Captain Xie it made them even more angry, especially since many of the doms at that hospital were also Wang’s. So they decided to set you up. Which actually was their one mistake. Got captain Xie properly angry, and he has the money to do something about it, not that Pangzi and I weren’t working hard from our end, but he has more resources. Oh and because of everything that came to light, the hospital settled on the lawsuit, so congrats, everyone wins!”

Oh. That was a lot. He was overwhelmed with how many people wanted to help him. Believed that there was no way he was guilty. “You never thought I did it?” Liu Sang asked as they exited the building and he saw Pangzi’s familiar van.

“Not once. But it got to a point where if we didn’t arrest you, then Xue Wu would, and we thought that would be worse. But we never stopped trying to disprove the evidence, find who really did it.”

Liu Sang stopped outside the van, not quite ready to get in it as Wu Xie opened the door. “Even after, even after I rejected you?” God he hated saying those words, but that’s what had happened.

“Liu Sang. You’re our friend, and even if the timing of all this couldn’t have been worse, you’re still our friend. We still care for you, however that means you want us to going forward.” Wu Xie put a gentle hand on his shoulder and Liu Sang was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire, the want, the need, to bury himself in Wu Xie’s arms.

But he was standing just outside the station and this was not the place to break down. So he just said, “Okay,” and pulled away from Wu Xie and into the van.

“Sangbei’er! Welcome to the land of the free! Pang-ye transport is here to take you to where you want to go!”

“Si-Pangzi,” Liu Sang responded, the phrase long lacking any vitriol. He wanted to cry at the belonging he felt in Pangzi’s tone.

“So where to?”

“I want a shower and a nap,” Liu Sang answered immediately.

“Can do! So home, or the dorms?” Pangzi said.

And the way he said home was as if his place was still as welcoming to Liu Sang as it had been before the arrest, before the kiss. Liu Sang so very badly wanted to go there. It felt too tender. Too raw. He needed to distance himself and give himself space to decompress alone. “The dorms,” he said and tried to ignore the disappointment he could hear in both Wu Xie’s and Pangzi’s bodies.

Surely they weren’t expecting that maybe now Liu Sang would kiss them, want more than he did, because of all that they had done for him in the last three days? He shut that uncharitable thought down. He knew them. They were his friends. Maybe something more, something new, something that Xiaoge had implied could be his. He knew that they would never expect some kind of recompense.

Still, the ride was awkwardly silent. When they got to the dorms and he was getting out of the van, Pangzi said, “We’re having a welcome home dinner here tonight. Six o'clock, cafeteria, but Pang-ye will be cooking, so don’t be late!”

“Okay,” Liu Sang said, then left the van.

Walking alone across the quad in the sun with the birds chirping and he had to take a moment to soak it in. It didn’t quite feel real.

The first thing he did when he got to his dorm was gather a fresh set of clothes and head to the shared showers. It was an odd time, in the middle of the day, and so he had them all to himself. He spent longer in them than he usually did, luxuriating in the feeling of hot water, the sound of the droplets hitting his skin and washing the noisescape of the prison away as efficiently as it did the dirt of his body. Eventually though, his skin started to prune and he turned off the water and dried himself off.

Back in his dorm room, that he still oh so thankfully had to himself, he collapsed on the bed and fell asleep to the familiar smell and the familiar noises and the familiar feel of his bed.

When he woke up, he checked the time and realized it was almost time for the dinner that Pangzi had mentioned. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to leave his room. Wasn’t sure he was ready to face people. He spotted the book on his nightstand that he had been reading and he picked it up instead. The slight hunger grumble of his stomach was easy to ignore.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he heard a light knock on his door. He listened briefly, recognized the sound of the person on the other side as his Ouxiang, checked his watch and got up and opened the door.

“Ouxiang,” he greeted.

“Dinner?” Xiaoge asked.

Liu Sang tugged at the hair at the nape of his head. “Maybe I just stay here tonight.”

His Ouxiang nodded, face full of understanding, and said, “I’ll bring you a plate.” Then he turned around.

“Wait,” Liu Sang said. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go, but his Ouxiang’s easy acceptance of him choosing not to, paradoxically, made him maybe want to go anyways. See his friends. His friends. Who, if Pangzi and Wu Xie were right, had always believed in his innocence. Maybe that would be nice. “I’ll go, let me just put on a different shirt.”

His Ouxiang nodded and Liu Sang closed the door, closed his eyes, then opened them and grabbed a shirt more suitable for public instead of sleeping in.

When he opened the door again, his Ouxiang was still waiting. Liu Sang felt a pleased warmth in his chest. It felt less overwhelming to go to dinner with his Ouxiang by his side instead of alone.

When he entered, he braced himself for noise, but was only greeted with the normal levels of noise such a group of people would bring and not the cheering that he realized he had been dreading. He had, however, not braced himself to be tackled and would have fallen over if Xiaoge hadn’t put a bracing hand on the back of his shoulder.

“Liu Sang! I was so worried. I missed you!” Kan Jian said as he cried all over Liu Sang. Liu Sang patted his back, awkwardly but internally really touched.

“Come come, sit, sit, here,” Pangzi said, guiding Liu Sang to a bench where he was ensconced with Kan Jian on one side, still clinging, and his Ouxiang on the other as he looked around the table.

Everyone he cared about, that he had hoped cared about him, was here. He was a little overwhelmed with the support he could feel. Next to Kan Jian was his lawyer, Bai Haotian, and then to his surprise his brother was also there, with Liang Wan and another man that Liu Sang didn’t know but assumed was Wang Can’s other partner. Pangzi and Wu Xie were there, of course, though not of course he was still surprised they didn’t hate him after that kiss. And his coworkers, his team, even including Captain Xie. Hei Xiazi sat next to captain Xie as he lifted up his full cup. “A toast to Liu Sang making it back, and to the Wang’s going down in flames.”

“Here here!” Pangzi said reaching over Captain Xie to chink glasses with Hei Xiazi, and Liu Sang found Xiaoge placing a glass in his own hand and he held it up to be clinked then drank too.

Dinner was a lively affair, people constantly getting up and moving around, and the food was good. Definitely Pangzi’s doing. Liu Sang had almost forgotten how much he liked Pangzi’s cooking. The jail’s food had left a lot to be desired.

He even got a moment to talk to his brother and meet his partner, Zhang Rishan. His brother looked happy and relaxed.

Dinner wound down in its natural course, and Liu Sang found himself full but not at all sleepy after his mid-day nap. Needing some space from all the people, Liu Sang slipped away into a side alcove he often enjoyed while working. When he entered, he blinked, not having expected to see his Ouxiang, though maybe he should have.

He was trying to decide if he should back out, give his Ouxiang back his privacy, when Xiaoge motioned to the other seat with a nod of his head. Liu Sang smiled and sat down. Neither of them said anything and Liu Sang used the calm and quiet to check on his email and just relax in the companionable togetherness.

He heard the heavy footsteps and was already putting his phone away when Pangzi rounded the corner and spotted them. “Ahh, knew I’d find you both hiding here.” He turned around. “Tianzhen! I found them.” Then turned back to them and said, “Everyone is getting ready to leave.”

Wu Xie rounded the corner and joined them, and the way his smile lit up his face when he saw Xiaoge, made Liu Sang want. And then Wu Xie was looking at him with that same smile, and Liu Sang found himself really wishing that he wanted to kiss Wu Xie. To be what Wu Xie wanted. “Ah,” Wu Xie rubbed the back of his head. “So we were wondering, if you might want to come over? It’s just that we never really got to talk after, well you know, and now we have time and, and I’ll drive you back here after if you don’t want to stay the night, it’s just… We can talk here if you want! I just thought our place would be more private, I just-”

“I’ll come,” Liu Sang cut Wu Xie off, realizing that if he didn’t Wu Xie would just keep talking. And Wu Xie was right. They did need to talk. Liu Sang hoped that his brief chat with Xiaoge before the arrest, was something that could actually happen. That they could figure out something that would work, like Xiaoge had said.

“Oh, yeah. That’s good,” Wu Xie said, then closed his mouth with an audible click and didn’t say anything else.

They said their goodbyes, and Liu Sang made plans to meet up with his brother, and his partners, the next day, and then, with Wang Can giving him an uncomfortable wink, they were all piled into the van and Pangzi was driving them home. No one spoke for the first minute, then Wu Xie fiddled with the radio, turning it on and quickly lowering the volume. This at least covered the awkward silence. Though it did nothing to stop his sudden nerves clenching up his stomach.

It was awkward, it was beyond awkward, why didn’t he just go back home to his dorm, why had he accepted the ride, the invitation to come over?

This conversation would be necessary though.

Pangzi parked the van, and they all went up to the apartment. Pangzi held the door open for them all, and once inside Liu Sang felt all his muscles just release their tension. This place, this apartment, still felt like home. It smelled just like he remembered, sounded and echoed the way he knew. He had made the right decision to come over.

He looked between the couch and the single chair, and, thinking of how emotional the conversation was likely to become, chose the chair. Wu Xie and Pangzi sat on the couch, though not close enough to touch, which was odd, and Xiaoge perched on the arm rest next to them, which was pretty normal.

“Look, a lot has happened since I kissed you, and I never had a chance to apologize. So I’m sorry. I, we still want you here right?” Wu Xie said.

Liu Sang swallowed and looked over at Xiaoge. He wanted to cry at how stilted everything felt, with the wish for everything to be like before he knew what they were angling at. “Why?”

“Why? He says,” Pangzi laughed. “Because we like you. Kissing or not, we like being with you.”

“I wish we could go back to before I knew,” Liu Sang said.

“When we thought we were dating and you thought… something else?” Wu Xie asked.

“Yeah,” Liu Sang agreed. He knew it was stupid, and now that he knew it wasn’t like he could go back to not knowing, but he still liked how it had been. Just not the expectations it was now smeared in.

“So you’re okay with us dating you, as long as you don’t know?” Wu Xie asked.

“Sounds stupid when you put it that way. I just, I liked everything. I just don’t like that it feels like a prelude,” Liu Sang tried to articulate his feelings. A year ago, two, and he probably would have just gotten up and left, talking about his feelings, his wants, his desires, wasn’t something he had been used to before Hei Xiazi. Before the Iron Triangle welcomed him into their home on a regular basis.

“Okay, what if it wasn’t?” Pangzi asked.

“How would that look?” Liu Sang asked back. His heart was beating hard in his chest, so loud, but he was here. He could do this.

“Like before?” Pangzi asked.

“Very funny,” Liu Sang said.

“Okay, so you don’t want to kiss, I’m assuming sex is off the table too. What about touch? Cuddling on the couch, hugs, that kind of thing?” Wu Xie spoke up this time.

“That’s-” a surprisingly succinct explanation of what he wanted. “Yeah. That’s good.”

“Scening, is that something you're interested in with us?” Pangzi asked.

“I. Maybe. Sometimes,” Liu Sang said, thinking of the times he had scened with Pangzi, before it had gone bad, and how easy and good that had been. How comfortable he was with Xiaoge. He could enjoy that, as long as he knew he wasn’t taking advantage of them, and that they weren’t expecting anything from him he didn’t want to give. But he also liked the stability and comfort that scening regularly with Hei Xiazi brought him. “But I’m not going to stop seeing Hei Xiazi. I don’t want this to be just about that.”

“Okay. What about sharing a bed?” Wu Xie asked.

Liu Sang squirmed at the claustrophobic feeling that thought gave him. “I like my own bed. Most of the time.”

“Okay okay, we can work everything else out yeah? Do you want to join us? My side is cold,” Pangzi said.

Liu Sang laughed, but got up and fit himself in the now, perfectly Liu Sang spaced gap between Wu Xie and Pangzi, Xiaoge lifted up a foot to place it gently on Liu Sang’s knee. Yeah, everything could be okay.