Chapter Text
“Ouxiang, can I ask you a question?” Liu Sang asked once they were alone. Zhang Qiling was the last person he wanted to talk about this kind of thing with, but he was the only one at the station that he knew for sure was a sub, and asking anyone else seemed like a worse option.
Zhang Qiling inclined his head to indicate he was listening, so Liu Sang continued on, “Do you know any doms?”
Zhang Qiling rolled his eyes, or what stood for it from him.
“I mean of course not yours, and not anyone here. I mean, someone who might be interested in scening or something. Nothing… you know, I want like, platonic.” Wow was he making a mess of this. “I know this isn’t the kind of thing, I just, it’s been a long time. A really long time. I tried going to the bars, but it really didn’t work out. I just don’t know how, I’ve never had to. And okay I’m going now, I shouldn’t have asked, please forget I ever said anything.” Liu Sang turned to leave, he had been an idiot, anyone would have been better to ask. Zhang Qiling must think he was even more of a creep now.
“Yes,” Zhang QIling said to Liu Sang’s half turned frame and Liu Sang turned back around in surprise.
“You do?” he tried not to sound too hopeful.
“A professional. Covered by our insurance.”
What!? “That’s a thing? What?”
Zhang Qiling looked at him oddly. “Of course. It’s standard. I can see if he has any time free if you’re interested.”
“Please. I’d appreciate it.” A Professional. That sounded too good to be true.
Later, they had some downtime between calls so he brought up his insurance contract on his phone and skimmed it, and right there, in the list of services, after acupuncture and chiropractic was: ‘dynamic services: 18 sessions; in network only’. That must have been what Zhang Qiling was referring to. He had probably skimmed over it when he had first signed the paperwork, not knowing what it was, and not really caring, when the big things like work accidents were fully covered.
Later Zhang Qiling came up to Liu Sang after they had finished dinner, which had only been interrupted by a call (quick and easy) once. “Tomorrow at one pm, will pick you up. Check your email.”
That was a good time, it would give Liu Sang about six hours to nap after they got off work at six in the morning and then an hour to eat lunch after he woke up. Obediently, Liu Sang checked his email, then blushed and looked around, thankful that Zhang Qiling had left and everyone else in the cafeteria seemed focused on their meals. The email was a… checklist. Of things. To do. With a dom. He quickly turned his phone screen off and looked around, as if someone might have snuck up on him, which was ridiculous given his hearing capabilities.
Still, the room was too open. He wanted his back to the wall for this. He still had eleven more hours of work and everyone on his team was off doing their own things for the evening while waiting for a possible call, so Liu Sang ensconced himself in an empty corner of his team's rec room. His Ouxiang and captain Ning were silently playing pool and the click and roll of the balls was a familiar, soothing backdrop interrupted occasionally with the turning of a page as Huo Daofu read an actual, physical book.
He hoped he wasn’t blushing noticeably as he read through the checklist. A lot of terms were unfamiliar to him, and the last thing he was going to do was look them up on his work wifi, so those at least were easy to mark as not interested in. There were others though that he had always been interested in, but had never been brave enough to ask to try with his brother, besides, it would have required a lot more research since neither of them really knew what they were doing anyways. A professional would know though. Heart beating in his throat, Liu Sang tentatively marked those as interested, he could always go back and change them before he sent it out.
Just as he finished up the paperwork, he’d let it sit for a while before sending it, the alarm blared and Liu Sang followed his teammates out of the rec room and hurried to the staging area and stripped out of his civvies and into this firefighter uniform, mind clearing with focus and the anxiousness of the checklist evaporating into the recesses of his brain.
The rest of the evening was one call after another. None of them big or life threatening, but in aggregate they were tiring. By the time their shift end rolled around at six am, Liu Sang was exhausted. He barely remembered the emailed form he was supposed to fill out before his appointment, and just sent them off without thinking before setting his alarm and collapsing onto his bed.
When Liu Sang woke up, he showered then grabbed a quick lunch in the cafeteria, choosing to sit by himself, before making his way to the front of the building to wait for his Ouxiang, glad to have a familiar face to guide him.
He heard the motorcycle before he saw it and did a double take as Zhang Qiling rounded the corner. Liu Sang had not been anticipating Zhang Qiling showing up at the dorms with his motorcycle, and he really had to kick himself. What had he expected? His Ouxiang to drive Pangzi’s work van?
Liu Sang took a second to close his eyes and calm nerves that had suddenly flared, he had been doing good at ignoring what was going to happen, then gingerly got on the back of the motorcycle and put on the helmet he was handed. He placed his arms gingerly on his Ouxiang’s waist, not wanting to be creepy, or encroach on his personal space, but Zhang Qiling grabbed his hand and pulled and said, “Tighter.” So Liu Sang hugged him, and tried his best not to think about it as Zhang Qiling revved his engine and drove, slowly, off. Zhang Qiling only ever touched people when it was necessary, and Liu Sang had definitely never been this close to him. This felt way too intimate. He could smell the leather of Zhang Qiling’s jacket, hear it scrunch and squeak under the purring of the motor, feel Zhang Qiling’s warmth up against his chest.
Zhang Qiling took the back roads and Liu Sang was surprised that he didn’t speed at all, if anything, he drove under the speed limit. Despite the slowness, they arrived on time at a nondescript building with a tiny sign that just read, ‘Dynamic Services. Appointment only’.
Liu Sang got off the bike and his legs shook. If Zhang Qiling hadn’t gone out of his way to do this for him, Liu Sang wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t just turn around and leave.
Liu Sang let Zhang Qiling go ahead of him as they entered the building. A man in sunglasses stood up and approached them and immediately engulfed Zhang Qiling in a hug.
Liu Sang stared as the man hugged his Ouxiang. And his Ouxiang let him. Zhang Qiling was notoriously picky about who he let in his space, kept everyone at arm's length except for his boyfriends. Hell, he had known Zhang Qiling for half a year before Zhang Qiling had so much as put a hand on his shoulder to direct him somewhere, and that was just once and in an environment too loud and too quickly changing and unsafe for words to be sufficient. Zhang Qiling hugging this man, clearly comfortable in his space, this man who was not Pangzi nor Wu Xie, was almost incomprehensible. Not so much that they were hugging, Liu Sang could suppose, if he tried really hard, that Zhang Qiling might have other people he let in his space, but the fact that Liu Sang hadn’t even heard of this man, that was too much.
Zhang Qiling pulled back and turned to Liu Sang. He stared at him with the intense stare Liu Sang had gotten used to over their year long acquaintance. Work colleagues. Sometimes, when Liu Sang was sure no one could eavesdrop, in his own mind, he thought that they were maybe friends, or could be, in the future. Zhang Qiling nodded and said, “You can trust him. I did.”
And wow, ‘I did’. That was shocking. Liu Sang had thought that there was never, had never, been anyone else but Wu Xie and Pangzi for Zhang Qiling. Had never heard even a hint of it, and when you lived and ate with someone as much as they did, even with Zhang Qiling, who didn’t talk much, you learned things. And the others talked more than enough. Whoever this man was, he shot up in Liu Sang’s estimation. Mullet and indoor sunglasses aside, Zhang Qiling didn’t trust easily.
“Okay,” Liu Sang said to the silent question he knew Zhang Qiling was asking. He would try with this man. He cursed his brother again for moving to a new city, for putting him in the position where he had to trust someone to begin with. The buzz that had been building up under his skin for the past week, really if he was honest, since his brother had announced his intention to move out, spiked.
“Yaba Zhang here speaks highly of you,” the man said, pulling Zhang Qiling close to him again. Zhang Qiling let himself be pulled and didn’t acknowledge the action or the words.
Liu Sang raised his eyebrows in skepticism. Zhang Qiling was not one to speak much. Even over texts his responses were, more often than not, just an emoji, two if he was feeling loquacious. Liu Sang had gotten a whole sentence once, actual words, unprompted and he had thought someone was dying. And, anyways, it had been an emergency. All that to say, he doubted this man's words, this man he was supposed to trust. If he didn’t trust them, this wouldn’t work out.
The man just laughed. “Our friend,” and the way the man said ‘friend’, very obviously meaning Zhang Qiling, made Liu Sang warm inside. Maybe Zhang Qiling also considered Liu Sang a friend in the privacy of his own mind. The man continued as if those words hadn’t affected Liu Sang, “May be mute, but he occasionally speaks, when it’s important. He didn’t need much to convince me anyways. Hei Xiazi, at your service,” the man, Hei Xiazi, finished with a bow, and well, Zhang Qiling hadn’t needed very many words to convince Liu Sang that Hei Xiaizi was someone to be trusted, so that actually maybe tracked.
“Right. Thank you,” Liu Sang said courteously, Hei Xaizi was doing him a favor after all.
“Let’s head into my office and we can talk about details,” Hei Xiazi said.
Liu Sang looked at Zhang Qiling, nervous. Zhang Qiling tilted his head to the side and asked, “Want me to stay?”
“No, it’s fine Ouxiang. I’ll see you at work day after next?” Liu Sang asked.
Zhang Qiling shook his head, confusing Liu Sang, they didn’t usually spend much time together on their off-48 hours, then clarified, “Will pick you up after.”
“You don’t need to,” Liu Sang tried to protest, though he was touched at the thought.
Zhang Qiling just stared at him with what Liu Sang was sure was a spiritual eyeroll, he was getting good at recognizing those, and left. Liu Sang knew that meant Zhang Qiling would pick him up, and he felt comforted at the thought.
Liu Sang turned around to see Hei Xiazi watching him pensively, before the man turned around and Liu Sang followed him into the office. Hei Xiazi sat down in one chair and motioned Liu Sang to the other. Liu Sang tentatively sat down.
“Right. We’ll start with the paperwork. I see you sent your list on ahead and I’ve taken a quick look, but I want to hear in your own words what you need and what you're hoping to happen this afternoon.”
Liu Sang blushed, he’d never had to voice any of this outloud. He had only ever scened with Wang Can and they had started out together and there had never needed to be any communication.
“I said I wasn’t interested in humiliation,” Liu Sang said, in his most haughty, arrogant voice that led people to assume he was a dom. He knew that wasn’t amenable to getting what he needed tonight, but he was already feeling antsy about the new situation and off-footed and he couldn’t stop his shields coming up. He wanted to get up and walk away, but the itch under his skin was insistent and he knew he needed this, wanted to try this before resorting to drugs. He trusted his Ouxiang. This was the best he was going to get. His face burned hot at having to cross such a boundary so soon. Maybe it wasn’t a real boundary. It wasn’t like he had explored much. It felt like one though.
Hei Xiazi leaned back, sprawling in his chair and said, almost lazily, “When we start a scene, you’ll know. You might feel embarrassed talking about what you need, but that is not my intention and I will not be humiliating you for any of your needs. If you can’t talk about what you need, then I can’t help you. This needs to be a consensual encounter, and if you can’t talk about what you need, then I can’t know the lines. So. Staying or leaving?”
Liu Sang flushed hot again at how reasonable Hei Xiazi sounded, not even bothering to rise to Liu Sang’s antagonism. Liu Sang thought again of how good he had felt whenever he had reached that space with Wang Can. How it always settled that itch afterwards. He didn’t exactly like the process. But he needed it.
Sometimes he wished he was a dom like Wang Can, but they’d tried it the other way and it hadn’t worked out for either of them. He had learned later that that was likely because he was a sub, though he had wanted to have his official documentation list him as a switch, but it turned out his father, in one of his last acts, had already registered him as a sub, so that was that. He didn’t feel that his biology should define him and it made him angry to see the little ‘s’ on his identification. While at the same time he also really liked that space he went to, how nice it felt when Wang Can took care of him afterwards. There were drugs, easily attainable and cheap for once and the side effects were minimal for most, that would remove that need. But even with the growing itch, the need to resolve it, he wasn’t sure he wanted to give that up, and he knew, if he took the drugs, he would never stop, never be brave enough to let himself have what he wanted. This was his only chance.
So instead of getting up and leaving as he a little bit wanted, he put to words what he needed, what Hei Xiazi should already know from reading his list. “Just give me a spanking and I’ll be good to go.” God how he hated that word. ‘Spanking’, like he was an incalcitrant kid. But it worked. There were worse things. Not that he had tried anything else. They had just kind of stumbled onto it. Watched one porn video, shied away from anything sexual and, well there had been spanking in it, and that had seemed acceptable to them both, and both of them so desperate to scratch that itch and there wasn’t anyone else to rely on but each other. That had been before Liu Sang had learned about the drugs, before they knew things like Dom and Sub and biological imperatives. It had worked for them for years. He was still kind of angry at Wang Can for leaving. He hoped he was okay. He hoped Wang Can was happy.
“Okay. I noticed that was the only thing you listed as the max score of ‘5’. Also the only thing you listed as having experience with. But you seemed curious about some other things, are you interested in exploring those?”
Liu Sang wasn’t sure his face could get any hotter, and he regretted not just listing everything else as a ‘0’, a no, maybe if the night before hadn’t been so busy and he had had more time to think about it, he would have changed his answers. But he was curious. Spanking was all he knew, and it worked, and why mess with a good thing? But also, it kind of sucked, and he didn’t really like how sore he was the next day, and there was always the chance that he’d be called in for an emergency when he was off-call, which hadn’t happened yet but would have been deeply unpleasant. He had felt so brave sitting in the rec room, surrounded by familiarity, as he marked some things as 4s and 3s. Now, the harsh fluorescent lights which buzzed angrily against his skin was not conducive to bravery. “Not today,” Liu Sang said, and meant to sound arrogant, but it sounded pleading even to his own ears. He needed something familiar. Next time he could be brave. If there was a next time. There would be. He wanted there to be. Wasn’t that the whole point of this?
“All right,” Hei Xiazi said, like it was easy. “Tell me about your past experience. Did you have a favorite position? Intensity?”
Liu Sang wondered what it would be like to have a favorite. They had just tried one thing and it had worked, why mess with something not broken? “I just bend over and...” Liu Sang made a spanking motion with his hands, feeling like an idiot as soon as he did so.
“Bare? Underwear?” Hei Xiazi asked, looking completely unfazed as if he heard this kind of thing every day. And Oh. He probably did. Liu Sang and his spanking probably sounded so mundane to him. Boring. Liu Sang relaxed. He could do this. This was a normal thing that people did every day.
“Underwear,” Liu Sang answered, glad he’d have that protective covering. He had, by force, gotten used to getting naked around other people, the station wasn’t large and it wouldn’t have done to clog up the bathrooms with something that could be done in the shower room with something like changing. Still. Something about this was more intimate than the necessaries of getting clean or the hurried emergencies of changing into this uniform.
“Hands? Paddle? Something else?”
“Hands,” Liu Sang answered. They hadn’t had money at first to be fancy, and afterwards, why waste money on something that wasn’t needed?
“Okay, how long? Until you cry? Something else?”
“I told you I don’t want to be humiliated,” Liu Sang said. He almost never cried. That had never been the point.
“Okay. Counting?”
Liu Sang hated counting. But it worked. “I always count,” he said, truthful at least. He added- “twenty-three.” He forgot why they had decided on that number, but, well, it was what they always did and he found the familiarity of its ritual comforting. They had probably counted something stupid like the number of people they could count walking below their dingy first floor apartment window in thirty minutes.
“Okay. I can do all that. No problem. Now, aftercare, tell me what that looks like for you.”
Liu Sang thought about Wang Can, how after they would cuddle on the couch and watch stupid documentaries and reality shows. How that was his favorite part. He always felt somewhat out of it, and it didn’t really matter what was on the tv, just really something to provide an audio anchor, with the warmth and safety Wang Can provided as they leaned up next to each other and ate whatever food they had to eat that day. They had both always managed to make sure that they had something on the days that they scened. “Something auditory to focus on that I don’t need to pay attention to. We used documentaries usually.”
Hei Xiazi took out his phone and fiddled with it, “I have a podcast on the history of Beijing opera.” Then he played a couple seconds of it, a low droning voice talking about headdresses, switching to a voice singing before going back to the first voice. “Will that work?”
Liu Sang nodded.
“Good. What else.”
Liu Sang looked at Hei Xiazi, still sprawled in his chair, so unlike Wang Can’s almost military bearing, and Liu Sang couldn’t see himself being comfortable cuddling a stranger. Even a stranger that was going to spank him. Even a stranger Ouxiang trusted. “Usually eat something.”
Hei Xiazi got up and opened a closet door full of snacks, and even some of those instant meals that heated up with chemicals. Oddly, there was a lot of green pepper fried rice. “Pick out some things you’ll want after.”
Liu Sang got up and was tempted to pick out one of the meals, a voice in the back of his head telling him not to lose out on a full meal, but he had just eaten lunch and knew now where he could easily get more food, so he resisted and instead he just picked out a couple of the snacks. Besides, if Zhang Qiling was picking him up after, it was likely he was going to go to his home and Pangzi would be sad if he had eaten first. The man took his food seriously. Maybe Pangzi would give him a hug too. He’d seen the way Pangzi hugged Zhang Qiling, but never Liu Sang, at least not after that first time when Liu Sang had quickly stepped away from the then stranger. He wished Pangzi knew that he’d be okay with that now.
“There’s something else,” Hei Xiaizi said, face turned towards him, unreadable behind the shades he was still wearing and still all too insightful, not even his heartbeat gave anything away. Like his Ouxiang almost.
“Yes,” Liu Sang said, not wanting to lie, he had gotten this far after all. “But I’m not comfortable with doing that with you.” After a moment of thought he added- “yet.” If this worked out, they’d be seeing each other enough that Liu Sang should get comfortable. And he really had liked the cuddling. Thinking about the upcoming session without the reward left him feeling just a little disappointed. But it wouldn’t be a reward because he didn’t know Hei Xiazi.
“Okay. That changes you tell me and I’ll see if it’s something I can do. Now, how about we head into one of our private rooms and start?”
Liu Sang took a deep breath, his heart racing, and nodded.