Chapter Text
Lance blinked awake, his eyes straining in the dark. He felt something soft tickle his nose, and he instinctively scrunched up his nose at the funny feeling. To Lance's delight, he registered that it was not dark in the room but it was his face that was nuzzled in Keith's mullet. Lance let out a content sigh and took a deep breath, inhaling his boyfriend's scent. Keith smells so good. He smells like the Altean soap that Allura provided for them on their first night in the castle, but, underneath that he smells spicy and warm like cinnamon and Lance is addicted.
Lance tightened his grip around Keith's waist and he let his eyes flutter shut, soaking in his boyfriend’s warmth. Lance was always cold, and Keith was a human furnace, another reason why Keith is perfect for him, he thought giddily.
Remembering about the events last night, Lance’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. Occasionally, Keith would experience nightmares (as did he — and everyone else for that matter, they were at war for fuck sake) but nothing as bad as last night. If Keith did have a nightmare he would wake in a cold sweat, reaching for Lance. But, last night…the dream affected Keith to the point where he got physically ill.
Lance bit his lip in thought, rubbing Keith’s back instinctively. From Keith’s reaction last night, Lance pieced together the nightmare his lover had was about him being part-Galra. He didn’t want to push his boyfriend to talk to him about what happened in the dream, but Lance desperately wanted to fix Keith’s suffering. Lance despises to see Keith in such agony.
“Lance..?” Keith said, his voice groggily from sleep and disuse.
Lance smiled, giving him a peck on the forehead. “Good morning, handsome.”
“It’s too early to be a good morning,” Keith whined, digging his face into Lance’s shoulder. Lance let out a chuckle.
“I’m surprised you feel that way, Mr. Wakes-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn-to-train Kogane.”
“Shuddup,” Keith nipped his collarbone playfully. Lance grinned at his boyfriend’s silliness. It makes his heart swell seeing Keith be able to trust him to act goofy around him.
“Lance?”
“Yes, cariño?”
“Can I…about last night…” Keith trailed off, huffing in frustration. Lance didn’t hesitate to gently cup Keith’s cheek, gently caressing his soft skin.
“It’s okay baby, you don’t need to talk about it if you aren’t ready to. I’ll be here when you’re ready to come to me.” Lance gave his nose a soft peck. Keith gave him a small smile but his dark eyebrows were still pinched in frustration. Lance smoothed out the wrinkles with his thumb.
“I do want to talk about it,” Keith said softly, grabbing a hold of Lance’s hand and intertwining their fingers together. “I just don’t know how to tell you without breaking down crying,” Keith admitted, his dark eyes shining with vulnerability.
Lance gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay if you cry amor. I’m here for you. Always.”
Keith took a deep breath, “I was in the castle but…it didn’t feel like the castle.” Lance let out a hum, making sure Keith knew he had his full attention. “It was…cold, and so empty. I was wandering around and then I started to smell blood.” Keith’s voice cracked. Lance gave his hand another squeeze.
“And then, I walked in the common area and I saw Coran, and fuck, there was so much blood Lance. His — his, it was — he was lying there and — “ Keith broke down crying, gripping Lance’s hand tightly. Lance felt his eyes well up with tears. Keith looked so devastated. He’s never seen his boyfriend break down like this before, and it broke his heart.
“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay mi vida, I’m right here with you, it was just a dream. Shhh,” Lance soothed gently, bringing Keith into an embrace. Keith buried himself in Lance’s neck, choking on his sobs.
“He was dead Lance.” Keith continued, his voice thick with tears. “He was lying there in a pool of his blood, and then there was Pidge and Hunk. They were dead too. Pidge — she, her face was gone, and Hunk he was missing an arm and there was so much blood.” Lance held Keith tighter as he trembled. “And then I heard Shiro and Allura were there, and it was all my fault, Lance, Shiro told me he hated me — and I both saw them die, and then you Lance —“
Keith’s body trembled more and Lance realized his breathing got more rapid, as if he was struggling to breathe. “Shh, honey, Keith, I need you to take deep breaths for me, sweety. Can you do that?”
Keith nodded and sucked in a trembling breath. “Good job, love,” Lance praised. “Follow my breathing.”
As Lance led Keith through his breathing exercises, he noticed Keith’s breathing slowly going back to normal.
“You feeling better?” Lance murmured. Keith nodded mutely.
"None of it was your fault, Keith," Lance said softly, rearranging Keith in his arms so he could properly look at his boyfriend’s face. Keith's eyes were rimmed red and swollen from his crying and there were tear streaks on his rosy cheeks. Lance felt his heart break again for the beautiful boy in his arms.
Keith shook his head in protest, "How can you say that?" He demanded. "It was my fault I killed them Lance with my own hands," Keith said hysterically.
"You would never hurt the team, Keith."
"But —"
"No, Keith," Lance cut him off firmly. "Listen to me." Keith snapped his mouth closed. “I meant everything I told you last night. You have the biggest heart. And I know you love the team so much. They, we, are your family, my love. That’s how I know you will never hurt us. And they know that too baby. You are not a monster.”
“Lance, I —“ Keith choked out, his voice thick with emotion.
”I know baby,” Lance soothed, “I know.”
Keith sniffled and buried himself in Lance’s chest. Lance wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, and cradled the back of Keith’s head with one of his hands. They lay there for what seemed like forever, in each other’s arms, where they both belonged.
“Lance?”
“Mmm?”
“Let’s go be with our family.”
Lance grinned.
To Lance’s surprise, the next several days passed by peacefully. No alarms going off at the ass crack of dawn, no battles raging over twelve hours, just…calm. Not that Lance necessarily minded. Because everyone was able to spend time together. Which felt relieving to Lance, especially after Keith’s nightmare. It was nice to see his boyfriend’s mood improve in the last couple of days. Lance noticed Keith smiling, not his small shy smiles that Lance adored, but smiles showing off his pearly whites and the way his eyes crinkled in the corners. He even let out a loud laugh last night when everyone gathered together in the common room to watch a movie. Lance felt his chest fill with warmth at the memory.
As much as Lance felt happy Keith was feeling better, he also felt this yearning in his heart. A twinging pain constantly felt in his chest but has been feeling worse the last day or so.
He misses home. He misses his family.
Just the thought of them brought tears to his eyes. He doesn't regret leaving to go to the Garrison. And he doesn't regret leaving Earth to fight a war with giant robocats that configured a war machine when brought together. This was the reason why he left to study at the Garrison. He wanted to fly. He wanted to be out in space to explore. He just wished he had the chance to say goodbye to everyone.
Lance wondered about them. He tried not to because that usually led to him curling up in bed, muffling his sobs in his pillow so no one would hear him cry. They were at war. Planets were experiencing much worse at the hands of the Galra, facing genocide, and destruction of their homes. Lance couldn’t afford to be weak by crying over his homesickness when others were experiencing their families being slaughtered in front of them.
But he really, really, misses home.
He misses waking up to the smell of his mom’s cooking. He misses fighting with Rachel over who gets to shower first. He misses his dad’s sturdy but loving presence. He misses all his nieces and nephews. Lance felt hot tears roll down his cheeks. Fuck, he’s missing all their birthdays, holidays, and special moments of their life. Like Luis and his Lisa’s wedding, Veronica’s promotion in the Garrison, and Marco opening up his first mechanic shop. Not only does he miss all this family but he also misses Cuba. The feeling of standing in the warm sand, the sun beating down on his skin, and the cool breeze from the ocean. The sound of the waves. He yearns to return home, to the marks on the doorway that had Lance and his siblings heights over the years. To his childhood room.
Lance let out a shuddering sob. He brought his hand and pressed down on his eyes as if that would stop the onslaught of tears. He just wanted to go home.
He might not even make it home. He might not see his family ever again. He might never be able to hug his mom, kiss his abuela a kiss on the cheek, receive a pat in the back from his dad, and so much more. So much more.
Lance was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t hear the door to the room hiss open.
“Lance?” Keith questioned, his voice filled with concern. Lance quickly wiped his tears away and any other evidence of his distress with the sleeve of his jacket.
“Oh, hey babe,” Lance shot him a grin, knowing it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“Lance,” Keith repeated this time more softly, his violet eyes searching blue ones. Lance felt his facade crack at Keith’s expression and he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer.
“Keithhh,” Lance sobbed out, opening his arms. Keith quickly rushed to his side, tucking Lance’s head under his chin. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist, squeezing tightly. “Keith, Keith, Keith,” He whimpered, gasping at the tightness he felt in his chest.
“Shhh, Lance, it’s okay,” Keith murmured, rocking him slightly. “It’s okay Lance, let it out. Let it all out. I’m here babe.”
Lance let out a loud cry, basically crawling into Keith’s lap. Keith adjusted him so he was more comfortable and Lance was quick to wrap his legs around Keith’s waist and his arms around Keith’s neck. Keith continued to softly hush and comfort him by rubbing his back.
“I miss them so much Keith,” Lance finally choked out, “I miss my family so much. Yo quiero mi mamá. Estoy tan asustado, no quiero morir aquí. Quiero ir a mi casa,” he rambled. Lance felt Keith hold him more tighter.
“I know Lance. I know.”
“What if I never see them again?” Lance cries, desperately clinging onto Keith’s worn-out black tee. “What if they forgot about me? What if they think I’m dead? I’m missing important moments of my sibling's lives Keith! I don’t get to see my nieces and nephews grow. What if I start to forget them? The sound of their voices? Their laughter? What if I die out here —“
"You're not going to die Lance," Keith said, his tone resolute.
Lance felt a flicker of anger. "You can't promise that," Lance glared at him through tears.
"You are going back home, Lance," Keith insisted, his dark eyes intense. He looked so sure of himself. So final. "I'll make sure of it," Keith whispered, softly.
Lance felt his emotions start to bubble up again, threatening to choke him. "You idiot," he said, his voice trembling.
Keith let out a hum, "Yeah, but I'm your idiot and you're stuck with me."
Lance let out a wet chuckle. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Keith let out an adorable noise, and his cheeks were colored with a pretty pink. Lance couldn't help the grin that overtook his face. "What's wrong samurai?” he teased lightly. Lance cringed at how congested his voice sounded from all his crying. But, Keith either didn't notice or didn't care.
"Nothing," Keith grumbled, looking suspiciously like a pouty cat. Without hesitation, Lance grabbed both of Keith's flushed cheeks, squishing them together. "Ugh, you are so cute, babe. You're going to kill me. From cuteness. It's all your fault if I die."
Keith shook his head firmly and lightly wrapped his hands around Lance's wrist, gently removing his hands from his face. "I won't let you go," Keith said seriously, giving Lance's palm a small kiss. Lance inhaled sharply, his stomach fluttering. Dios, this boy.
"How are you feeling?"
"I feel a little better, now that I let it out," Lance admitted, "I just —" he stopped.
"You just what?" Keith prompted gently.
Keith resumed his ministrations from earlier, rubbing his back in small circles. Lance felt himself start to melt against his chest.
"I just feel so selfish, you know? I'm here crying about my family who is probably in the most saftest place in the whole universe. And then, there are other planets who are suffering so much worse. Thing's that we can't even imagine. It just makes me feel weak. And pathetic. Here I am, at twenty years old, having a breakdown because I miss my mom." Once Lance started, he didn't stop, the words coming automatically from his mouth. "Every time I start to miss them, I can't help but think I don't have the right too? I should be focusing on the war at hand and the Coalition."
Lance grabbed a piece of Keith’s hair and nervously twirled it between his fingers, feeling antsy at the silence after his confession.
“Lance, you aren’t weak. Or pathetic,” Keith finally said. “It’s okay to miss your family. Family is everything to you. That doesn’t make you weak. If anything, that makes you stronger. You fight hard to protect everyone. It drives you and shapes you to the person who you are now. Yes, the war and the Coalition are important. But, you are much more important than any of that. You come first Lance, always.”
Lance felt his eyes well up with tears for the millionth time in the last two hours. He’s honestly surprised he still can produce tears at this point. But, it’s the way Keith comforted him, gentle, but stern in his words. Like, he can argue with Lance if he disagrees with anything he said. He really does have the best boyfriend in the whole universe.
“Thank you baby,” Lance whispered because he isn’t sure what else to say to that. He tugged on Keith’s thick hair gently, affectionately. “I love you.”
Keith gave him a small smile. “I love you too.”
“Keith! Hunk! Please, come to the bridge immediately,” Allura’s voice rang out through the air, breaking their peaceful atmosphere. Lance couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed at their interruption. Keith let out a loud groan of annoyance. Lance chuckled at his boyfriend and climbed off Keith’s lap, not missing at how Keith pouted slightly.
“I forgot that was the reason I came here for,” Keith admitted sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. Lance raised an unimpressed eyebrow.
“What did you come here for?”
Keith let out a weary sigh and rubbed his hand over his face. “Allura asked me and Hunk to go planet-side. Something about some material Coran and Pidge need. I honestly have no idea what it is, but Hunk does, and I’m just going for support.”
”So much for relaxing today,” Lance said, giving Keith an apologetic look. Keith just shrugged.
“It’s fine, I’ve been feeling pent-up the last couple days anyway.”
“Oh really?” Lance purred, leaning in closer to whisper in Keith’s ear. “I could have helped with that.”
Keith let out a squeak. An actual squeak. So fucking cute.
“I’m going to get going,” Keith sputtered out, frantically making his way out. His face as red as his loin. Lance just let out a laugh.
“Be careful!” Lance called out.
“I will.”
And with that the door slid closed.
Lance let out a puff of air and threw himself back on the bed.
Now, that Keith left, Lance felt like he could finally be able to process what happened. He did feel a lot better after talking to Keith. He knows that he tends to keep stuff to himself to not worry other people. And he knows that he tends to prioritize others over himself. But, Keith, he looks after him when no one else does. He’s always here for him when he needs him. And he’s not the best at offering words of comfort, but he tries, and he always shows up. That’s what matters the most to Lance. His unwavering presence.
The next several hours consisted of Lance playing Phantom Forces and once he got bored of that he finally ventured out around the castle. He stopped by the med-bay first and noticed Coran cleaning the pods. Lance stopped abruptly and slowly creeped out of the room. He loved Coran but, man, he’ll be scrubbing there for hours if Coran saw him and he wasn’t in the mood for that right now.
Once Lance successfully snuck out without the older Altean man noticing him, he let out a sigh of relief. He continued to wander around the halls until he heard the sounds of clanging and frantic muttering.
“Hey, Pidge,” Lance greeted, plopping himself on the closest stool next to him. Pidge gave him a quick glance and retuned her gaze to…whatever she had in front of her. Hey, Lance was a pilot not a genius.
“Lance,” Pidge said, letting out a loud curse of frustration. Lance didn’t take offense from her lack of greeting, he knows when Pidge is focused she is locked in to whatever is in front of her.
“Come to bother me now that your boyfriend isn’t here?” Pidge teased, her eyes shinning in mirth.
Lance let out a fake gasp, clutching his heart as if he was deeply offended. “Pidgeon! How dare you! You should be bowing down in my presence.”
Pidge gave him a flat stare. “That’s Keith’s thing,” she drawled, letting out a big stretch. Lance just laughed and tried not to indulge the image of Keith on his knees that flashed his mind. Mmmm. (He indulged a little.)
“Ew,” Pidge’s voice brought him back to the present, her lips curled up in disgust. “Your making a weird face right now and it’s disturbing me.”
Lance wiggled his eyebrow. Pidge let out a gag.
“Please, leave before you make me sick. Or make me dump bleach in my eyes.”
"But...we don't have any bleach in space?"
"Oh, trust me," Pidge said in a voice that scared Lance. "I'll find a way."
Believing that she will, Lance decided to make his leave, but not before giving Pidge a noogie. ("What are you?! In third grade!? Jesus, Lance.")
Lance aimlessly wondered around until he ended up in the observation deck. Other than his and Keith's room, this was his favorite place to hang around. With a heavy sigh, Lance plopped himself on the floor, wincing at the coolness of the floor. He felt strangely at peace despite the heavy turmoil he felt a couple hours ago. Looking out into the vast space before him did that he supposed. It truly was beautiful. It reminded him of Keith. But, maybe Lance was a little biased, because he was stupidly in love with the boy.
"Lance?"
Lance jumped, started. "What the fuck!"
"Sorry," Keith said sheepishly, sitting down beside him. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay, babe," Lance reassured, happily wrapping his arms around his boyfriends shoulders. "If I wasn't lost in thought, I totally would have heard you coming."
Keith let out an ugly snort. Lance found it so cute. "Sure."
"Hey! I would have!"
"What were you thinking about?" Keith asked, strategically changing the subject.
Lance pouted but then smirked. "About how much I love you," Lance murmured, kissing Keith's head.
As expected Keith blushed.
"Shuddup," Keith grumbled. Even the tips of his ears were pink. Cute.
"That mission was quick," Lance observed. He wasn't expecting Keith to be back until dinner time.
"What can I say?" Keith said nonchalantly, a small smirk on his face. "I'm just that good."
Lance let out a bark of laughter. "Hunk did all the work huh?"
"Yeah," Keith admitted. "But in my defense, I had no idea what to look for! Even though Hunk explained it to me, like a million times."
"I thought you were 'just that good' samurai," Lance repeated Keith's words, his voice teasing. Keith rolled his eyes, not in annoyance, but fondly.
"Well...I did find something. A surprise for you."
"Really?!" Lance said excitedly, "What is it?!"
Keith chuckled and raised to his feet, holding out his gloved hand towards Lance. "C'mon, I'll show you."
Lance didn't hesitate as he latched his own hand to Keith's and hauled himself up. He felt pins and needles in his legs from sitting on the cool floor for so long but he continued to follow Keith, curious and excited to see what Keith found. He loved surprises, wether he was in the receiving end or giving end. Lance was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice Keith abruptly stop walking, making Lance run into him.
"Oops, sorry."
"Close your eyes," is all Keith said. Lance immediately closed his eyes.
"Keep them closed," Keith warned. "No peaking."
Lance just scoffed, letting Keith guide him towards where he needs to go.
"Okay..stand right here, okay, don't open them yet, hold on."
Lance waited patiently, waiting for further instructions. Honestly, he's shocked he hasn't peaked, the anticipation is killing him.
"Okay, Lance, you can open your eyes," Keith said softly.
Lance opened his eyes and blinked rapidly, adjusting to the harsh lights. Once he felt more oriented he noted they were in the kitchen and there was...
There was...
"Keith," Lance's voice trembled. "Is that...?"
Lance felt an arm snake wrap around his waist, warm, and supportive. "Try it," Keith's voice was gentle. Always so fucking gentle towards Lance.
Lance instantly recognized the orange drink right in front of him. With shaky hands, he grabbed the glass and took a sip. Tears welled up in his eyes and he let out a gasping sob.
"When I was helping Hunk we noticed a fruit," Keith breathed, wiping Lance's tears even though more replaced them. "He said it smelled like the mamey fruit he tried when he went with you to visit your family. So, after confirming with Coran it was safe to consume, Hunk tried it and he said it tasted pretty damn similar to mamey."
"It taste just like it," Lance whimpered, holding the glass close to his chest, like it's something precious to him. It was something precious to him. "Exactly like how my abeula makes it."
"I made it, although Hunk helped me tweak it out a bit," Keith admitted. "Do you...like it?"
Keith sounded hesitant, shy. As if he didn't reduce Lance into a puddle of tears. God, Lance loved this boy so fucking much. He loved him so much he didn't even know what to do with himself. So, he did the only thing he could think to do.
Lance gave Keith a big, deep kiss.
"I love it," Lance whispered, touching his forehead against Keith's, "I love it so much and I love you so fucking much Keith. You have no idea how much I love you."
"I do, Lance, because I love you that much too. I know you've been missing your family. I figured this might cheer you up."
"Thank you," Lance said from the bottom of his heart. "Thank you so much."
"You don't have to thank me you idiot," Keith uttered, going on his toes to give Lance's nose a soft kiss. "I want to see you happy."
"I love you, baby."
Keith gave Lance the prettiest smile. "I love you too."