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Published:
2024-04-14
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2024-05-20
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Camp Camp reacts to Camp Camp [Season 1]

Summary:

The letter continued as so:

Disc 1 and Disc 2 contain your experiences at camp so far. The purpose of these first two is to provide a different or unbiased perspective on past events.
Disc 3 and Disc 4 contain future events. Don’t think too hard about it. The point is that these two discs contain the rest of the summer at Camp Campbell.

Happy watching!

 

They both stared at the last line. “Okay.” Gwen conceded. “I don’t really know how that’s possible.”

---

After Gwen and David receive a box that contains 20,000 dollars in cash and a four-disc DVD case, Camp Camp characters watch season 1 of the show.

Notes:

Yo, quick note- I've never written a reaction fic before, but I looked high and low on the internet looking for a Camp Camp watches Camp Camp fic and couldn’t find one. So here.

PLEASE give me feedback!!! I have a lot of season 1 written, but if there are certain ways you want to see people react then tell me so I can include it!!!! (that means headcanons too, if there’s something you think would be cool to see as like, explanations or aftermath type stuff)

---

Fic should update every other Sunday, but that schedule is privy to either bursts of motivation (at which point I will update a lot more frequently) or severe mental health declines (at which point updates might take a minute.)
I am doing pretty well at the moment, however, so updates will be pretty regular for now :D

Chapter 1: The Beginning | Camp Campbell Wants YOU!

Chapter Text

It was a normal, exhausting, unassuming day at Camp Campbell when Gwen found the box in front of the counsellor’s cabin. It had been confusing at first, as she didn’t remember seeing the mailman come by that day, but the box was unassuming as well, so she huffed a sigh and threw it among the other junk on her and David’s shared desk. It was probably some random Amazon purchase of her co-counsellor's. 

Inexplicably, as she was attempting to plan out next week’s activities, she found her eyes drawn to the package again. She furrowed her eyebrows, looking away again and trying to focus. It was much harder than it should have been. 

Eventually her curiosity won, and she stood from where she was sitting on her bed, snatching up the box in frustration. The labelling on the box wasn’t addressed to anyone in particular, and shaking the box told her nothing. Guessing at this point that it wasn’t David’s (and not really giving a shit if it was,) she used her pocketknife to cut the box open and pried apart the cardboard. 

Inside the box was a DVD case with 4 discs inside and a shit ton of cash. Gwen almost fainted when she opened it. She was pretty sure she had never seen that much money in her life. Inside the DVD case (disregarding the DVDs themselves,) there was a letter addressed: To Camp Campbell, 


On these discs are a collection of your adventures at camp. Also in the box (as I’m sure you’ve noticed) is 20,000 dollars in cash. If you (the counselors, who I assume are reading this letter) and the campers watch these discs, the money is yours. If you would rather not, then someone will come and collect the money from you sometime in the next few days. However, I know that the money could certainly help the camp to function, and I am, entirely, doing this for your benefit. Not just the money, either. I believe that these discs will lead to a better understanding of each other, shine light on issues within the camp, and would benefit everyone altogether. 

If you decide to watch the content on the discs, keep reading. 


As much as Gwen immediately knew what her opinion on this was (and that was an enthusiastic yes,) she decided to wait until David wandered into the counselors cabin so they could discuss it. 

David was not quite as ecstatic as she was. He hummed contemplatively. “I don’t know Gwen, isn’t this kinda an invasion of everybody’s privacy? How did this person even get the footage?” 

Gwen just scoffed. “Are you kidding? With this amount of money, we could redo all the plumbing, hire five more counselors, and get decent food for the campers without it coming out of our own pockets! Who cares what we need to do to keep it?” David frowned, clearly thinking, and she decided to take it from an angle he’d be more compelled by. “You could get a new perspective on the campers. See how they interact when we’re not around, and what kind of trouble they get themselves into that we never find out about.” 

David seemed more convinced by the idea of figuring out how the campers tick, like she thought he would. “Alright.” He sighed and sat down next to her on one of the beds. “Let’s read the rest.” 


Do not watch the discs without the campers, despite how you may want to watch it beforehand to prepare yourself for what content may be on them. That would defeat the purpose of the exercise. 

Now on the content of the discs: 

Disc 1 and Disc 2 contain your experiences at camp so far. The purpose of these first two is to provide a different or unbiased perspective on past events. 
Disc 3 and Disc 4 contain future events. Don’t think too hard about it. The point is that these two discs contain the rest of the summer at Camp Campbell. 

Happy watching! 


They both stared at the last line. “Okay.” Gwen conceded. “I don’t really know how that’s possible.” 

 

--- 

 

David explained the situation to the campers as best as he could, and because the Quartermaster was using the Mess Hall that day for something he refused to disclose, (and because the old TV in the bomb shelter was the only one that had a functional DVD attachment) everyone crowded into the bomb shelter, most of the campers complaints about having to watch this falling on deaf ears. After everyone settled in, Gwen started up the first disc, getting the TV to work after banging on the top of it a few times. 

 

*beep* ️  

*beep*   

*beep*️  

[marching music]   

Cameron Campbell: Fun!   

Campbell: Neat! ️  

Campbell: Adven- ️  

Campbell (overlay): LEGITIMATE   

Campbell: These are the words that could be said to describe the thrilling adven-   

Campbell (overlay): SUMMERS ️  

- you could have at Camp Campbell!   

 

Max frowned. “Well hang on a fucking sec,” He said, ignoring the quiet ‘Language.’ from David. “We’ve already watched this. Why should we have to see this bullshit advertisement again?” 

Gwen rolled her eyes, fiddling with the back of the remote. “The other campers haven’t seen it, Max, calm down. It’s like 5 minutes, you’re not going to die.” 

 

Campbell: Hello there! My name is Cameron Campbell, roguishly handsome entrepreneur, ️world famous adventurer, and founder of Camp Campbell.   

Campbell: Ask your parents about me.   

 

Ered almost snorted at that, considering who her dads were, but didn’t, because snorting would be decidedly uncool of her. 

 

Campbell: I guess you could say I've spent my years living life to the fullest,   

Campbell: and it's high time I shared my adventures with the future.   

Campbell: No, I'm not a time traveler. I'm of course talking about the children.   

Campbell: Just like you and little Davey here.   

 

“David, you were in this super old commercial?” Nerris looked up at David, who smiled nervously.  

He laughed lightly. “Well, it’s not nearly that old. It was only made back in the ‘90s.” 

A few of the campers stared at him for a moment before Harrison just said, “You’re old, David.”  

Gwen just sighed and unpaused the video. 

 

Campbell: What do you say, sport? Are you ready to have some fun?   

Davey (badly reading from a script, words stilted): Boy am I, Mr. Campbell! But what kind of fun did you have in mind?   

 

Preston sighed dramatically, scowling at the screen. David’s acting was truly terrible. Even Neil, a complete amateur, did better than this. 

Meanwhile, Nikki giggled at the fact that David was so small at their age that he could fit in Campbell’s hand. 

 

Davey: How was tha-   

Campbell: We've got all kinds of fun activities, from hiking to archery, and even more in between.   

Campbell: Here's a short list now.   

Campbell: Think it can't get any better? Think again, idiot!   

Campbell: Camp Campbell is equipped with the finest facilities, and cutting-edge 20th century technology.   

[splash and panicked yelling in the distance as a boat flips over and the people in it struggle not to drown]   

Campbell: Hey, save some fun for the rest of us!   

Campbell: We've also enlisted a highly trained staff that are kind, caring, and above all, not threatening in the slightest.   

[crash]   

Quartermaster: ARGH! Get back here so I can threaten you little s-   

*tone*   

 

“Hey Nikki,” Space Kid murmured, noticing that Quartermaster looks the same age in this video as he does now. Nikki looked over. “Is the Quartermaster immortal?” 

Nikki shrugged. “Probably. Not the weirdest thing about him though.” Nerris looked over curiously, to which Neil shook his head. 

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Neil promised. Harrison, who was sitting next to Nerris, shuddered. 

 

Campbell: And speaking of staffers, here's one now!   

(voice off camera): psst, Gwen! ️  

Gwen: Uh, yeah, I'm Gwen, hi.   

Gwen (after being prodded): JESUS, WHAT-   

*tone*   

David: How do I look, Max? ️  

Max (off camera): Good.   

David: Framing's all right?   

Max: Yeah.   

David: Are you sure? ️  

Max: David, it's good! ️  

David: Okay, okay...   

David: Howdy-   

*beep*   

Campbell: Yes, Camp Campbell truly has everything. All that's missing now, is you!   

Campbell: So be sure to throw a tantrum until your parents sign you up for a camp-tastic summer at Cameron Campbell's Camp Campbell summer camp!   

Campbell: We'll be seeing you soon! ️And remember... Campe Diem!   

Alongside Campbell and Child David, there are various campers all doing the Camp Campbell salute, one of which is blonde and sporting LA Gear light-up shoes.  

 

David grinned. “Almost as good as it was the first time!” 

Meanwhile, Max, Nikki, and Neil were staring at the screen, paling. “Holy shit.” Neil whispered. “That’s-” 

“The kid from spooky island.” Max finished at the same volume. 

David leaned to look at them across the number of campers between them. “What are you three chatting about over there?” 

Max was quick to slap his hands over the other two’s mouths to keep them quiet. “Nothing, mind your fucking business, camp man!” 

David chuckled. “Alrighty. I’ll let you three scheme in secrecy.” 

As soon as David’s attention was safely elsewhere, Max took his hands off of Nikki and Neil’s mouths, wiping them on his hoodie. The three of them exchanged a few disturbed looks, coming to the unspoken agreement that they would not be mentioning this to David. 

(Unfortunately, they were unaware of the events that would take place five episodes from now.)

"Alright," Gwen said, cutting through the sparse conversations between some of the campers. "Let's just move on to the first actual episode."

Chapter 2: Escape From Camp Campbell

Notes:

*falls flat on my face* This was meant to go up 3 sundays ago but I had the school musical and exams and so much shit I was DEAD
So I'm sorry this is late

But I finally remembered to upload this chapter and have now set a reminder in my phone for the next update, so you can expect me to be back on schedule now that I am in recovery mode and summer is hurtling towards us. 🤸

I'm gonna be honest this chapter was hard to write purely bc of how expositiony the first episode is, lol. There weren't a lot of things I could have characters comment on bc everybody pretty much knows all of this information.

But anyways, enjoy the chapter!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

*A rabbit hops across a dirt path, and suddenly an eagle screeches and snatches it up for dinner. *

David: Can you believe it, Max? We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers today!

Max: Yup. It's really, truly horrifying.



“Oh!” Nikki exclaimed, jumping in her seat and nudging Neil with her elbow. “It’s starting on the day me and Neil get here!”

“...Huh.” Max said, one eyebrow raised.

Neil looked over inquisitively, and Max shrugged, frowning. “I guess it makes sense for it to start once all three of us are here, but... I dunno, we got up to plenty of hijinks before then. I’m just wondering what the hell this thing is gonna pick and choose to show.”

“You have a point.” Neil admitted. “It honestly might’ve been cool to see the part of the summer I wasn’t there for.”

“Eh.” Ered said noncommittally, making a so-so gesture with her hand. “You didn’t miss much.”

 

David: Horrifying? What, are you afraid of making a few new friends?

Max: I'm not here to make friends, David. I'm here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don't want to deal with them.

 

Nikki cackled, reaching over to try and mess up Max's hair. "And then you made friends anyway!"

Max caught her hand before she could touch his hair and stuck his tongue out at her, but there was the hesitant hint of a smile on his face that he couldn't quite suppress. Neil grinned at the two of them.

Even Gwen felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth, and she didn't have to look over to know that David was probably gushing at the scene. Chaos aside, she was honestly glad Max, Nikki, and Neil had found each other. It might have made for a much easier summer for her and David had they not become friends, but it probably would have been a more miserable summer for the three of them that way.

 

Max: Why do you think we return the favour when they hit seventy?

David: Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?

Max: Well, it's definitely not because the bus only comes in from the city to drop off and pick up campers

Max: And so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp.

Max: Definitely not that.

David: Heeeeyy... language.

Max: Suck a dick—

David: All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper.

David: Is that really too much to ask?

Max: I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.

*bus honking*
David: *gasp* The bus is here!

David: Hello, welcome to Camp--

*David gets hit by the bus*
Quartermaster: Kids are here.

 

Nikki hummed, turning to the rest of the campers. "Does anybody know how many times David got hit by that bus this summer?" Most of them gave her blank looks. David smiled uncomfortably.

Harrison pulled out a notepad and pencil. "I think I am going to start keeping a tally."

 

*Nikki jumps off the bus*
Nikki: Ha!

Nikki: *heavily inhaling*

Nikki: Oh yeah, smell that nature! Oh that's the stuff.

David: Well hello there, little lady. You must be Nikki.

David: My name is David, your camp--

*David screaming in pain as Nikki clamps down on his hand with her teeth, trying to shake her off*

Neil: Um, excuse me?

Neil: Is this Science Camp?

Nikki: No, silly!

Nikki: This is Adventure Camp. Ad-ven-ture!

Nikki: My mom said so! Unless she was lying. Again.

 

Max frowned at Nikki, and she shrugged back. Max opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and turned back to the TV, discontented.

 

Nikki: Sorry about that hand by the way. Just exerting dominance, you know how it goes.

David: Uh, and you must be Neil.

David: Well, you two will be happy to know that Camp Campbell is both of th--

*David is hit by the bus again*

 

Harrison scratched down another mark on his notepad. Nerris leaned over his shoulder to see it, and made a face at his handwriting. "Your calligraphy is dogshit, Harrison."

Harrison glared at her. "This is not calligraphy. I can do calligraphy."

Nikki made shushing noises at the two of them. "Calligraphy shmigraphy, you're both nerds. Now shut up, I'm trying to watch!"

 

Max: Stupid prepubescent legs!

Quartermaster: Not today, child. Only one driving this bus is me.

David: Ugh. Thank you, Quartermaster.

Quartermaster: You're on your own, now.

Quartermaster: Going on break, be back for the bus at noon.

 

Space Kid's eyes narrowed at the bottle of poison the Quartermaster was holding, adding to his theory that he was immortal.

 

David: Max, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day.

Max: We'll see about that, camp man.

Neil: So what's your deal?

Max: *sigh* I'm just a kid trying to survive out here, Neil.

David: Now let's go check out the camp, kids!

*instrumental*
David: The first stop on any good tour is the flagpole!

David: I can't help but give it the official Camp Campbell salute every time I see it.

David: Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which--

David: Oh! Sorry, saw the flag again.

 

The author would write something about this if it weren't for the fact that nobody is surprised, and they aren't from a point in canon where they'd be able to notice that David doesn't do that anymore.

 

David: Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which is connected to the Quartermaster Store.

 

Ered flipped her head slightly to push her bangs out of her eyes. "Does the Quartermaster actually... sell anything?"

"Uh." Gwen started, unsure. "I think so? He goes out into town for like-- trades and stuff, so I think he sells shit. Calling the Quartermaster Store a 'store' is generous though, you have a point."

 

David: It's here that we'll serve meals, hold announcements, and occasionally take part in camp activities.

David: Tell 'em just how much you love it, Max!

Max: See, that's the sad thing. He still actually thinks that I love it.

David: And who wouldn't?

 

"Hey little shits, you wanna know something?" Gwen said conspiratorially to the campers nearest. They leaned in, invested, and she smiled. "David doesn't actually think Max or any of you love it here." She rolled her eyes as she said it.

"Gwen!" David hissed playfully. "Don't say that!"

"He thinks if he acts like you guys love this camp eventually you will. Like it'll persuade you."

David huffed, though there was a smile on his face. "I'm using positive language! Is that such a crime?"

"Wait. So you don't actually think this camp is the best thing ever!?" Max asked incredulously.

David laughed slightly, looking away. "I mean, it is for me! And of course I hope one day it will be for you all as well," David's shoulders drooped slightly, looking back at the campers. "But I can't exactly force you guys to have fun. All I can do is try to make it as enjoyable as I can for you kids." He shrugged.

After a moment, when it was clear David wasn't going to say anything else, most of the kids turned back to the TV with the sparse surprised or annoyed mutter. Max's eyes stayed trained on David for longer, a strange look on his face. David almost wanted to ask why, but soon enough Max seemed to realize himself, and turned back to the TV with a muttered insult or two.

 

David: Now, let's step inside and meet my co-counselor Gwen, who's in the middle of a camp activity right now!

David: Oho man, you're gonna love her.

David: Gooood morning, Gwen!

Gwen: Motherfucker!

Space Kid: Goooo! Crank it to high, I can take the G's!

Gwen: Nurf, you don't crank shit! Get down from there, Space Kid!

David: Oh dear!

Neil: What is going on here?

Max: I'm telling you, if we leave now, I can hot wire that bus.

 

Gwen sighed. "Do I even want to know how you learned to do that?"

Max flattened his mouth into a straight line. "Probably not."

 

Nikki: This is amazing!

Nurf: Buzzkill.

Space Kid: Oh-ho.

Space Kid: I'm okay.

David: What the gosh darn heck happened?

 

"Did he seriously say 'gosh darn heck'...?" Neil muttered.

Preston sighed. "It's David, of course he fucking did."

 

Gwen: Ugh, space kids just, y'know, pushing me to my limits again.

Space Kid: I will achieve space flight!

David: Well, we have new campers to introduce and orientate!

*David sticks pins on Nikki and Neil's shirts that say '1st Day Camper'*
Neil: Ow.

Gwen: Jesus, that's right.

Gwen: Okay, let's... show them the video.

David: Actually, I was thinking I could play them that song I've been--

Gwen: I'm gonna stop you, right there.

Gwen: No.

Gwen: I'll get the laser disk.

David: O-kay!

David: All you campers head over to the activities field for your afternoon sessions.

*noises of complaint*
David: Uh-uh. Not you, Max.

Max: Dammit.

Neil: Will someone please talk to me about Science Camp?

Neil: None of those kids looked too science-y.

Nikki: What about that astronaut kid?

Neil: Astronauts, the wannabe jocks of the scientific community? Please.

 

"Hey!" Space Kid objected. "Astronauts have to know stuff to go to space!"

Neil rolled his eyes. "Not as much as us, the people who actually build the goddamn rocketships!"

"Okay, okay, let's calm down." David tried.

"Yeah," Gwen added, "You guys barely have more than a 6th grade education. Neither of you are going to be building or riding in spaceships for a while." Neil and Space Kid both glared at her.

 

David: Don't you worry kiddos, this video will explain everything.

David: It was put together by our founder, Cameron Campbell, back when I was an eager young camper just like yourselves!

David: he was an absolute legend-- oh, sorry, is an absolute legend.

*a trapdoor clearly leading to the attic opens up and a ladder drops down*

David: A savvy businessman, extraordinary philanthropist, and one heck of an adventurer if I do say so myself.

*Campbell comes down in underwear and a tank top, looks around and notices them, then quickly scrambles back up*

 

A few of the campers who weren't there to see this looked at each other and giggled.

 

David: Oh, it's true, Mr. Campbell doesn't often have time to come visit the camp anymore

David: What with him travelling the globe and, I'm assuming, saving lives.

David: But! He'll always live on in our hearts and minds.

David: It's like the man always said: We're here to have a great summer, and campe diem!

*Campbell comes back down the ladder, dressed in camp clothes now*

 

David flushed faintly during the whole sequence, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. That's embarrassing.

 

David: Oh, if only he were here now.

Campbell: I'm here now.
*shatter noise*

 

Gwen huffed. "And... there goes the laser disk. I'm glad I had the forethought to make a digital copy of that shit."

 

David: *gasp* Mr. Campbell!?

David: Wh-- what are you doing here, sir?

Campbell: *laughing* Well I'm certainly not hiding from any authorities if that's what you're thinking.

 

Ered huffed a small laugh, raising an eyebrow.

 

David: What?

Campbell: Haha, come on, Davey!

 

"David," Gwen started, and David looked over curiously. "I dunno why I haven't asked about this yet, but why does Campbell call you Davey?"

David laughed, looking away as though he was remembering old times. "Oh, that. Everybody called me Davey when I was a camper!" He scratched the back of his neck. "'Course, I grew out of the nickname as I grew up, but Mr. Campbell still uses it. I've never asked him why. Force of habit, maybe?"

Gwen hummed, tilting her head at him. "I always forget Campbell played a more active role in the camp back when you were a camper." She huffed, turning back to the screen. "Would be nice if he were here to help out more these days."

David paused. "I mean. If he weren't in Super Guantanamo."

Gwen blinked. "Oh. Yeah."

 

Campbell: You think I'd miss the opportunity to welcome our new Campbell campers to Cameron Campbell's Camp Campbell?

Gwen: You have for years, sir.

Campbell: Haha, oh Grace, you slay me!

Gwen: It's... Gwen.

Campbell: What did I say?

Nikki: Hey, brawny guy?

Nikki: This is Adventure Camp, right?

Neil: Yeah, so far every attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions.

Max: Hey, good for you! You're starting to catch on!

Campbell: Haha, don't worry kids! These two will take you on a tour of our great camp and answer any questions you might have.

*Car screeching noise as FBI shows up, Campbell sees it and panics, drawing the curtains closed*
Campbell: In fact, we should go on that tour right now, all of us, together, away from this spot.

*instrumental*
David: Here at Camp Campbell, we pride ourselves on the variety of our curriculum.

Gwen: There's Extreme Sports Camp,

Gwen: Magic Camp,

Nurf: *snickering as he throws a tomato at Harrison*

Gwen: Space Camp,

Gwen: Theatre Camp,

Nurf: *snickering, throwing a tomato at Preston now*

Gwen: Art Camp,

Dolph: It's a dog!

 

A few people grimaced, but Dolph just smiled at the screen at his art piece, unaware of his accidental swastika pinwheel.

 

Gwen: Other Magic Camp,

Nerris: Lightning bolt!

Gwen: And lots more. Lots of stuff.

Nikki: How much more stuff?

David: Well I'm glad you asked, because I have a little song that I can sing--

Gwen: No.

David: When Gwen's not around.

Gwen: By the way, Mr. Campbell, now that you're here maybe we can discuss just exactly how we're meant to operate at this scale—

Campbell: Hey, is that kid trying to escape?
*where Max was before there is now a knitted version of his body.*

 

"How many times did you try and escape camp, Max?" Neil questioned, glancing over at him.

"Besides the times with you guys?" Max asked, raising an eyebrow. Gwen and David looked at each other in alarm, not having known they'd tried to escape again after the bus stunt. "Ehhh, probably-- 5 times or so? This summer, at least."

Nurf snorted. "Yeah, got caught 5 times, like a rookie. When my Ma tried to escape prison-" David cut him off.

"Oookay," The counselor said anxiously, waving his hands in the air. "We can talk about this later, huh kids?"

 

Max: *panting*

*thud*
Max: If I can just get to that bus before it heads back!

*David appears in front of Max, Max runs into his knees and gets knocked backward*
Max: Agh!

David: Looks like knitting camp wasn't as stupid as someone said, huh Max?

 

"The knitted Max thing was honestly kinda impressive." Gwen murmured. David looked over at her curiously, and she shrugged. "I mean, with how small his hands are and everything."

David huffed a laugh. "It was the most effort I think I've seen him put into a camp activity-- ever, I think."

 

Max: You are the bane of my existence.

David: All right now, let's go.

Neil: Excuse me, what the hell is this?

David: Ah! I see you found it.

David: That, my friend, is science camp!

 

Neil glared at the screen, still upset about the pathetic excuse for a science camp.

 

Neil: But but but-- this isn't what I signed up for!

Neil: I just wanted Science Camp, not Science Camp and more! I don't want more!

Campbell: Well that's why you read the fine print, sport!

Campbell: See, right there. And more.

Campbell: Now you can't sue us!

Nikki: So, what? It's just some sort of Camp Camp?

 

"Oh," Gwen said, looking at the title on the front of the DVD case. "Huh."

 

Campbell: Well I mean, I wouldn't exactly call it out like that. But yes.

Neil: This is bullshit!

Max: Woah, check out the balls on new kid.

Nikki: Where?

Neil: I don't know what kind of operation you think you're running, but I won't stand for it!

Neil: I'm a man of science!

Neil: You think you can rummage together some outdated equipment and call it a laboratory!?

Gwen: Look, kid, I know it's not--

Campbell: Stand down, Gretchen.

Campbell: I'll speak to the children.

Campbell: Kids, I'm going to be blunt and honest with you.

Campbell: When I opened Camp Campbell all those years ago, I had one goal and one goal only.

Campbell: To create the most popular and successful summer camp in the world!

Campbell: But times have changed.

Campbell: Things like the internet, video games, and the Affordable Care Act are ruining this great country of ours,

Campbell: And the children of today just aren't interested in a traditional summer camp.

Campbell: But America isn't a traditional country!

Campbell: So why settle for anything less!
*camera pans to David, who is wiping away a tear, clearly inspired and moved by the strange speech.*

 

David cringed slightly at his reaction, though he wasn't entirely sure why. It seemed... sorta unwarranted in hindsight.

 

Campbell: You've got two acceptable counselors, one hell of a Quartermaster, and endless possibilities here at Camp Campbell.

Campbell: And by God, as long as I'm here--

*tires screeching*
*gunshots*
Campbell: Code black, code black!

Campbell: Well, look at the time. Gotta go!

 

Max snorted. "Yeah, that didn't last long."

Neil lowered his voice so only Max and Nikki would hear him. "Did we ever actually find out what all Campbell was wanted for? I mean. Other than the camp scam shit."

"And the dead kid buried somewhere on spooky island." Nikki added.

Neil went slightly paler. "Oh. Yeah, that too."

"Uh, no." Max answered. "Not really. But probably a bunch of murder and illegal gambling. I dunno." He shrugged.

 

David: Sir! Where are you going?

Campbell: The nearest international waters, Davey. Have a great summer, kids!

Campbell: *fading away* And campe diem!

*gunshots*
*Tires screeching*
Nikki: He seems nice.

Gwen: Oh God it's coming back, the crippling anxiety and regret.

David: Uh, Gwen!?

Quartermaster: Well, time to be getting that there bus back to that there city.

Max: Neil, that bus is our only chance out of here.

Max: Do you want to spend the rest of your summer at this godforsaken place or do you want to enjoy the sweet taste of freedom?

Gwen: Why did I get a liberal arts degree?

 

Gwen buried her head in her hands. That fucking liberal arts degree. David patted her back sympathetically.

 

Neil: Let's get the fuck out of here.

Nikki: Makin' a break for it?

Nikki: I can make a distraction for you.

Max: Why would you help us?

Nikki: I'm an agent of chaos.

Nikki: Hey David!

David: Yes Nikki!
*David, who was in the middle of helping Gwen up, lets go of her and she falls again, grunting in pain.*

 

"Sorry 'bout that." David murmured in her direction, embarrassed, and Gwen waved him off.

"About 5 minutes from this I beat you into the ground with your guitar. I think we're more than even."

 

Nikki: How about you pick up our spirits with that camp song you won't shut up about?

David: Well that's a great idea!

Gwen: Oh Jesus Christ no.

David: ♪ Ooooohhh ♪

David: ♪ There's a place I know that's tucked away, a place where you and I can stay, ♪

David: ♪ Where we can go to laugh and play and have adventures every day! ♪

David: ♪ I know it sounds hard to believe but guys and gals it's true, Camp Campbell is the place for me and-- ♪

Gwen: The kids are gone.
*in place of the three are knitted versions of them, like the Max one from earlier*

 

Gwen looked over at them. "That part I still don't get. How did you three pull that off? Two of you were new, you didn't participate in knitting camp."

The three of them looked at each other, turned back to Gwen, and shrugged in unison.

"Maybe it was--" Harrison said quietly, pausing for dramatic effect, "Magic."

 

*the three campers run by the quartermaster, who's walking calmly towards the bus.*

Quartermaster: No running.

*the two counselors run by, hot on their trail*
(It sucks!) I'm sorry I'm sorry (It always sucks!) I'm--

Quartermaster: ... No running.

*Kids panting*
Max: There it is!

Neil: They're right behind us!

David: Max, get back here! You are being a bad influence on our new campers!

Max: Never!

Nikki: Max, hurry!

*dramatic music plays as Nikki pulls the 1st Day Camper pin off and throws it at David like a ninja star*
Nikki: Heee-ya!

David: Oh!

Gwen: Oof!

Nikki and Max: *laughing*

 

Present day Nikki and Max laugh too, high fiving with matching grins on their faces. "Dude, that was sick!" Max said, evidently not having seen it the first time it happened, too busy running. "How'd you even learn how to do that?"

Nikki shrugged, beaming. "What can I say? Ninja Skills seemed like a worthwhile hobby."



Max: Remember this face, David, cause you'll never see it again!

*tires screeching*
Max: *laughing*

*hard cut to the bus in shambles with the sheriff, David, Gwen, and the trio standing around it. clearly, they crashed it.*
Sheriff: I'm getting real tired of having to come up here, David.

David: I know, Sal.

Max: We were so close!

Neil: Well, I mean in hindsight none of us really know how to drive.

Gwen: Yeah, honestly Max, how far did you expect to make it?

Nikki: Imma be real, I just always wanted to drive a bus.

David: Well kids, I hope we all learned something today.

Max: Oh, no. I hope YOU learned, David.

Max: I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with.

Max: But now you've got three.

Max: Let's go, guys. I'll take you to our tent.

Nikki: Woohoo!

Nikki: This is gonna be awesome!

Gwen: This is gonna be awful.

David: Oh, come on Gwen! Look at the bright side!

David: Max made not one, not three, but two new friends today!

*David begins to pull out his guitar as though offering to sing a song to lift her spirits*

*Gwen pulls it out all the way and hits David with it*

David: *screams in terror and pain*

 

The screen cut black and staticky before going back to the DVD menu. Sparse chatter sprung up between the campers while Gwen flicked through the DVD menu to find the next episode. The next episode was titled "Mascot."

Notes:

May edit this, may not. I have this terrible curse inflicted upon me that causes me to never want to put out work ever unless I feel it is completely polished, but I don't want to stare at this chapter in its word document for a month before giving up and publishing it despite my uneasiness.

So, if you have criticism, keep it constructive please lol.
I do want the constructive criticism though, I always want to improve my writing when I can. (JUST BE NICE PLEASE I'm the fic author here u have to be nice to me its the law (kurtis conner reference))

Edit 4/22/25: THIS FIC IS NOT ABANDONED! just sortof on. an indefinite hiatus. idk man life happens the world is exploding. ill come back eventually it'll happen. just dunno when, shits wild rn