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Chapter Text

Zirin scowled, crossing her arms and leaning back against the wall. Three years in this glorified prison with its gray walls, concrete floors, and insufferable wardens and attendants, and she’d never fully get used to it. She wasn’t even supposed to be here. Not among the loons talking to themselves, laughing and crying hysterically, getting in fights with every person who attended to them. She was normal . Pretty normal anyway. Her parents always said she had a rebellious streak . Zirin never knew what that even meant . She let out a long breath. Her parents didn’t like when she talked back—had a mind of her own. And they used that as an excuse for putting her here in this miserable agniforsaken place. But that wasn’t the real reason. They couldn’t gather up what measly courage they had as a family to tell them the real reason. It wasn’t a good reason to Zirin, but being locked up here would be considered merciful according to most of the Fire Nation.

“Don’t you know who I am ?!” a sharp, snooty voice thundered down the hallway. Zirin rolled her eyes. Yet another nutcase claiming to be someone noteworthy or famous. How dull. The newcomer could have at least been interesting. A bunch of scuffle marks sounded against the concrete floors. Zirin winced. She heard noises like that all the time, but the sound of scuffling on the floor always felt like it was piercing through her eardrums.

“Let go of me!”

Zirin craned her neck to see what was going on. She jolted backwards in shock. Five attendants were holding this person, kicking and screaming, as they brought her down the hallway.

“I am the Princess of the Fire Nation! You useless, dirty peasants!” she screeched. 

Princess of the Fire Nation? Like that was a new one. Zirin remembered hearing about her. Azula, named after Firelord Azulon for her prodigious abilities. Her skills rivaled that of the soldiers ever since she was a young child. Everyone talked nonstop about her. She was fierce, talented, ruthless. Zirin had seen a few posters with her likeness on them. Her hair was in a neat top knot with pieces of her hair hanging out, her gold-colored eyes seemed to shine right through the page, along with this garish red shape of lipstick. Zirin never cared much about Fire Nation royalty, but everyone seemed obsessed to know all the ins and outs of their lives.

The attendants ignored the screaming girl, just thrusting her into the cell right to Zirin’s. Great . Fucking great. After a blissful few weeks, Zirin hoped to Agni that they’d never put another crazy person next to her. Looked like she was wrong about that.

Zirin sighed and turned her head to the side. Her eyes bugged out as she met the gold eyes of the mystery girl. It really was Azula. She could feel her heart racing and her breathing growing shallow. What was she doing here? The perfect little Princess of the Fire Nation didn’t belong in a place like this. But Zirin could see her sheared hair, that uncanny look in her eyes, a harsh snarl. Had she lost her mind ? What could possibly have led to that? An inexplicable feeling rose up in her chest. She felt bad for her.

“What are you looking at filthy peasant trash?! ” she roared.

Zirin couldn’t even find it in herself to be offended or annoyed. “Are you okay ?” she asked, leaning forward. 

“Okay?” Azula snorted, starting to laugh bitterly. “I was dethroned by my useless brother and now I’m stuck in a lunatic asylum. Of course I’m not okay. ”

Zirin softened. As angry and wild as the Princess seemed, she could sense this pain behind her eyes and in her voice. Something really bad had to be happening to topple the Princess of the Fire Nation. She knew she shouldn’t care but that feeling drawing her towards this girl wouldn’t leave. It was crazy that she’d end up in the same place as royalty, talking to a royal almost casually . But she doubted that Azula would want anything to do with her.

Zirin turned aside and sighed. She couldn’t bear to look into those gold eyes, narrowed yet shimmering with tears she was definitely holding back. A bit of silence loomed over both of them. Many patients were staring. Of course they would, they were among the Princess. Zirin wondered if they felt as bewildered as her. The asylum was for all the rejects and misfits of society—people whose minds turned against them and were cast out. They all came from nothing —some were even found on the streets. The Fire Nation had a pristine image to uphold. They were supposed to be the perfect society. So anyone loitering on the street corners without a home to go to was either tossed in prison or in here. 

“What are you doing here?” that unmistakable voice said in a snapping tone. Zirin turned towards Azula. She now had her arms wrapped around herself. She was shrinking down—making herself smaller. Zirin blinked, staring at the Princess next to her. She seemed full of shame .

“It’s a long story,” Zirin groaned. “My parents threw me in here, saying that I was too rebellious for them to keep me around. But that wasn’t the real reason.” In normal circumstances, Zirin knew she shouldn’t risk sharing such vulnerable information to the Princess, but Azula was locked up like she was—nothing bad could happen to her.

“What was the real reason then?” Azula asked, smacking her lips together, her head tilted. 

Zirin exhaled slowly, straightening her spine, barely meeting Azula’s eyes. “My parents found me with a girl in my room,” she muttered quietly. She felt her whole body tense up at the memory. 

It was stupid of her, really. She shouldn’t have brought her secret girlfriend into her bedroom. Of course her parents would have walked in. But they said they would be gone for a couple days, so Zirin took a foolish risk. 

It had been years since she had seen Misaki—back when she was eighteen. She hoped nothing bad happened to her after they were caught. Zirin still remembered how her hair tumbled and cascaded down her back, how her brown eyes shined in the sunlight peeking through the windows, how it felt to run her hands over her soft skin. She remembered every kiss, every touch. All of Misaki’s sweet giggles. Zirin’s face flushed as she recalled how Misaki sounded when she touched her. And Zirin could still see the absolute horror and mortification on Misaki’s face as her parents burst in. 

It was awful. How they yelled. How they demanded that Zirin would never do something so horrible again—that she change her wretched ways and find a man and marry him.  And she refused . Perhaps there was her so-called rebellious streak.

“A girl in your room? What-what were you doing?” Azula asked almost timidly, snapping Zirin back to reality. 

Zirin couldn’t help but laugh ruefully, shaking her head. “Are you really that naive, Princess?”

A wave of realization washed over the Princess. Her eyes grew wide and she sat back against the gray walls. She blinked a few times and looked over at Zirin. “I see,” she breathed.

Zirin raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, craning her neck so she could meet Azula’s eyes. “I thought you’d say that I deserved to be executed or something,” she said incredulously. Of all people, Azula had to be keenly aware of the rules against same-sex relationships—of all the things that were said about people with those proclivities as they called them. Zirin remembered hearing about the punishments for such “unnatural behavior” even as a child. She was so scared the moment she realized that she liked girls and not boys. But Azula wasn’t angry with her, she just seemed more nervous .

“We might have something in common,” Azula whispered, her eyes darting nervously. 

Zirin’s jaw dropped. It couldn’t be possible . The Princess was a lesbian too? She couldn’t imagine how much harder it would have been for her growing up. Azula must have had to do everything in her power to make sure it was a well-kept secret. How much self hatred did she have brewing inside her? Perhaps that was what made her lose her mind. No. It had to be more than that, but that was probably a big part of it. Zirin’s heart thumped louder in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak. Azula had shrunk down even more. She was trembling . Zirin closed her mouth and swallowed.

“Can we be allies then?” Zirin offered tentatively. 

Azula snorted and then started to laugh a little. A flicker of a smile played on her chapped lips—the garish red paint now faded—her gaze studied Zirin’s face for a moment. “Yes, we can be allies,” she said a beat later. 

“When did you first realize that you were into girls?” Zirin asked softly, running her hands down her braided hair. The one luxury of this agniforsaken place. She could at least keep her hair clean and styled.

“Just because we’re allies doesn’t mean I’m entitled to pour out all my secrets to you,” Azula snapped.

Zirin sighed. Great . She made her angry. What a wonderful start to their allyship. The Princess’ face was all scrunched up, her eyes in narrow slits, but she was still trembling. It was clear as day that this apparently ruthless Princess was hurting. When people talked about her, they acted like she was meant to be feared. But Zirin didn’t find her fearsome at all. Not in this state at least. “I’m sorry,” Zirin offered.

The Princess simply rolled her eyes, pouting and looking off to the side. Zirin bit her lip to keep from laughing. Was that supposed to be intimidating? It seemed like this Azula was just one for theatrics. She was almost… cute .

Zirin winced. Cute? Why did she think the Princess was cute? An asylum wasn’t exactly the place to develop a crush, if she could even call it that. Besides, Zirin had vowed to herself that she’d never lose hope that she’d find Misaki again. But honestly, what hope was there left. She was probably married off to some man who didn’t deserve her. But Zirin still didn’t want to become attracted to Azula. She looked away. 

Something about that long dark hair, those golden eyes, and those full lips was all too enticing. She couldn’t help feeling this affection, this desire to get to know her and what happened. Zirin felt her head spinning. She never had this sort of reaction towards someone she just met.

Nothing would come of it anyway. The Princess didn’t seem like she’d want to talk much.

But maybe she would reveal more in time.

***

“How appetizing,” Zirin muttered sarcastically as the attendant brought her the slop that they called food. She didn’t know how long it’d been—maybe minutes or possibly hours—but Azula hadn’t said a single word. Zirin couldn’t even look at her. She turned around to face the corner of the wall.

Another attendant walked over to Azula’s cell and dropped the plate by her side. She continued to stay balled up in her little corner. Zirin couldn’t see much but her head was bent down and she could see her tremble. She could have sworn she heard sniffles here and there too. Lots of people cried here in this asylum. As much as Zirin would hate to admit it, she spent plenty of time crying too. At least, before she grew too numb to experience anything other than pure anger . 

Things weren’t the way they were supposed to be. This life wasn’t fair to her or most of the people in this agniforsaken place. Zirin used to hate people at the pinnacle of Fire Nation society. They didn’t care for their citizens. All they cared for was their image to uphold. They had to appear perfect , even if it meant stepping on the backs of people that were supposed to be considered their own.

But Zirin couldn’t hate Azula. The system obviously brought her down too.

“Hey, are you gonna eat?” Zirin asked.

Azula sniffed and turned around slowly. Her eyes were red and blotchy. Crying. She was definitely crying. Zirin didn’t know how she was able to cry so silently. Must have been from years of hiding. Just how many different ways did she hide? The Princess looked down at the food and grimaced, then gingerly pushed her plate away.

“It’s not so bad if you eat fast,” Zirin said, shoving forkfuls down her mouth.

Azula shook her head and scoffed. “I’m not hungry,” she replied. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Neither am I,” Zirin sighed. “But you get used to a thing or two after three years,” she shrugged.

Azula’s eyes widened. “You’ve been here for three years?” She looked absolutely horrified . Zirin couldn’t imagine they’d keep royalty in a place like this for long. Hopefully her brother would have pity on her and come to collect her. But Zirin imagined that many of her issues probably came from her family. The notion that the royal family could be dysfunctional behind closed doors didn’t exactly surprise her—especially now that she was here and she seemed beaten down to her core.

“Well, I have no family to speak of that wants to see me again,” Zirin grumbled. “Where exactly could I go?”

“I don’t want to be here for three years,” Azula spat. “I had the perfect life and now this!”

“ Did you have the perfect life?” Zirin asked, looking directly into her eyes.

Azula pouted again, crossing her arms and looking away. She took a moment to collect herself and then let out a long, slow breath. “I suppose I didn’t,” she admitted. “But it was better than this .”

Zirin nodded. “Sooner or later, you’ll get used to it here. And then, maybe, you’ll find a way out of this place.”

“No one is coming back for me,” Azula replied sharply, brushing strands of her hair behind her face. “No one wants anything to do with me and it’s only a matter of time before you won’t either.” The Princess suddenly took her plate of food and furiously started eating.

“I thought you weren’t hungry,” Zirin said.

“I wasn’t, but I may have no other choice than to accept my fate here,” Azula scowled. She shoved a few more angry forkfuls into her mouth and then set the plate down clattering on the floor. Her eyes watered and she gagged. “That was absolutely disgusting .”

Zirin chuckled a little. “If you look at that slop long enough, it looks like it could start moving away from you.”

Azula snorted and crossed her arms, looking at Zirin with that hint of a smile again. “What’s your name?” she asked.

“Zirin.”

“I should have asked your name before I agreed to being allies ,” Azula said. “But perhaps my mind has been scattered lately.”

“You’re hardly alone,” Zirin quipped with a smirk. “We are in a lunatic asylum.”

“Yet you seem like the only sane one here,” Azula retorted. “You should have done a better job keeping your little secret.”

Zirin’s hands suddenly clenched into fists and hot blood coursed through her veins. How dare she say something like that? After she’d shown her kindness. After she revealed that they had something deeply personal in common. “Oh really ?” Zirin replied. “Well at least I don’t act like a child and throw tantrums in the halls.”

The Princess rolled her eyes again. “Sorry,” she muttered. 

Zirin took a few deep breaths and sighed as her anger started to dissipate. “You’re real easy to deal with, aren’t you?” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“And you’re the first person I’ve met who doesn’t seem to fear me,” Azula answered, a wide smirk on her face. She moved back to her corner and leaned against the wall, her knees pressed up against her chest, her arms wrapped around them. “My childhood best friend,” she said a moment later. 

“What?” Zirin scooched back to look over at her.

The Princess turned her head away. “How I knew ,” she explained. “We met at the Royal Fire Nation Academy for Girls when we were six. When she approached me and started talking to me, I had a feeling I couldn’t explain. Didn’t take long until I realized that I…I…” she froze for a second, tensing up. “Well, um, that it meant that I wanted her.”

“And I was twelve,” Zirin said. The Princess looked back at her. Her eyes were wide and she went back to trembling. And Zirin couldn’t help but soften again. “I was at the age where I was supposed to notice boys but…I noticed girls.”

“And you had a love? That girl?” Azula asked, her voice now almost gentle-sounding.

“Yeah,” Zirin sighed. “What about you? Were you and your best friend ever more than friends?”

“No,” Azula said flatly. “She spent so much time attracting the attention of boys that I doubt she ever gave me much of a second thought. She used to care about me as a friend but…that’s all in shambles now.”

Zirin didn’t dare to ask more. “It hurts to lose someone you love,” is all she said.

“It certainly does,” Azula replied. “I think you’ll make a good ally, Zirin.”

Zirin couldn’t fight a smile. She shifted her gaze over to the Princess, the soft glow of the afternoon light shining on her face. A warm, delicate rush overwhelmed her senses. As painfully snarky and histrionic as this Princess was, there was something oddly magnetic about her.

And she couldn’t deny that the feelings rising up in her were strikingly similar to those she felt for Misaki. 

“And I think you’ll be a good ally too,” Zirin said with a slight quiver in her voice.

She couldn’t fall for the Princess. And she imagined the Princess wasn’t even close to losing her feelings for that best friend who she mentioned. 

For the longest time, Zirin only thought of Misaki every night and day. She couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the love that she had lost. Azula had to be experiencing the same thing.

It was crazy to develop feelings for the Princess so fast. But…the same thing happened to Azula when she was a young child. So it wasn’t impossible. 

But it sure wouldn’t make things at this asylum any easier.

Chapter Text

Azula sunk down in the corner of her cell—the dull glow of the afternoon sun slipping beneath the high windows of the asylum. It had been a few days since she’d been admitted. And each day seemed to get worse from the last. She was the Princess . She was a fire bending prodigy that hadn’t been seen since the likes of her grandfather, the mighty Azulon. She was not meant to be treated like trash by people far beneath her class. Azula was utterly powerless in this situation—that was clear, but she simmered with anger. She wasn’t supposed to be forced into accepting this awful set of circumstances. She could barely even understand how exactly she’d lost her mind, lost her title, lost everything . Everyone in her life betrayed her. And even with the utmost strength and power that she led with, it wasn’t enough to protect her. Why wasn’t she strong enough? Good enough? She got into a worse situation than her miserable brother . The ultimate failure who was exiled . Azula had been told all her life that she was perfect, but that must have been a lie.

Her own mother and her two best friends feared and hated her. Her father who used to look on her with such pride looked upon her with disdain the day of the comet. He was annoyed by her presence—by her insistence that he bring her by his side as she rightfully deserved. It was her idea. But her father never loved her, did he? That was just some illusion . Azula did not know why. She did absolutely everything that he expected of her. But it still wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough to him, despite all her firebending skills, all those battle tactics that ended in complete success, all of her military prowess and her abilities. Despite her loyalty and obedience to him. He was supposed to love her. Azula couldn’t lie to herself about that—he didn’t love her. And he never would. Especially now that she had been brought down by people who were clearly inferior.

Azula could hardly draw the line between what was real and was an illusion anymore. She had been weakened. Weakened by all the people who failed her and betrayed her. But was it their fault? Was it actually her fault? No . They were simply pathetic and ungrateful and useless . But an uneasy sensation gnawed at her stomach when she thought about it. 

How many ways did she make her friends fear and hate her? Ty Lee . Her favorite. The person she felt an undeniable connection with—a sort of affection that grew deeper than Azula would like to admit. Her everything. She couldn’t shake the image of her face that day when she came to watch her show. Nets catching fire. The whole set going up in bright, piercing orange flames. Ashes falling down. Ty Lee’s watery eyes, her quivering lips, the slightest tremble in her lean, nimble, and agile body. But then, Azula looked on and smiled. “Serves her right,” she remembered thinking. 

How dare she choose that stupid , squalor of a circus over her? A place for lowlifes that smelled of musty hay and animal waste. A place where only dirt-cheap peasants would throw their coins at performers for entertainment. A place where spectators would wear stupid, frilly costumes with gaudy, glittering headresses and perform stupid acrobatic tricks. They’d wear toothy smiles among animals . Azula gave Ty Lee a simple choice—choose her or risk going up in flames. 

But why would she even want to stay in such a miserable place? “ But I’m happy here ,” Ty Lee had said. “ My aura has never been pinker ,” she added all-too-cheerfully, as if that weren’t the biggest insult . Azula was willing to offer Ty Lee the world. She actually cared for her. She wanted to include her in her mission because she trusted her and found her capable. She longed to have her by her side after years without seeing her. Ty Lee was just a stupid little brat who would leave Azula for no reason. Like everybody else. 

But was it? Or was it her ? 

“I think you're confused. All your life you used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee.” That lilting voice of her mother. When she thought she saw her in the mirror on the darkest day of her life. When everything was ruined.

“I love you, Azula. I do.” Azula winced and grimaced. No ! She wasn’t going to recall that awful memory. “ I love you, Azula. I do.” Azula grasped tufts of her hair. Stop ! “ I love you, Azula. I do.”

“ Shut up! ” Azula yelled, clamping her hands over her ears. 

“Are you alright, Princess?” the voice of that girl, Zirin, appeared gently. Azula turned towards her and lightly rolled her eyes. Why did that girl care about her so much? It was odd. She looked out for her the first moment she arrived. It didn’t make any sense. It was of no use or benefit to Zirin to do so. 

No one ever reacted to her without fear before. At least, not since she and Ty Lee met as children.

“Azula! Hi! Hi, hi, hi! I’m Ty Lee.” A little girl adorned in all pink came running over, nearly crashing into Azula near the outskirts of the school yard. She did a small cartwheel and kept jumping up and down as Azula practiced her finest strokes of the alphabet on her page. 

Azula looked up and met the eyes of this bouncy, smiling girl. She didn’t know what to make of her. Ty Lee was full of energy and excitement, something that Fire Nation children were not supposed to be—they were to be quiet and obedient, but her behavior was somehow…endearing. 

But Azula knew that kids would be jumping at every opportunity to make friends with her because she was royalty. She was perfectly fine being friends with Mai, the daughter of one of her grandfather’s royal advisors, who she’d known since infancy. Anyone else had to actually want to be friends with her and meet her approval.

Azula raised her eyebrow and looked at her. “I know, you’re new to this school,” she let out a little sigh and concentrated back on her page. The girl simply crouched down to the ground and peered into her eyes.

“Why are you practicing your letters?” she asked, tilting her head. “It’s playtime! You should play with me!” 

Azula scoffed and shook her head, “Oh please, I don’t play ,” she said, trying to ignore those wide gray eyes and the sweet expression on Ty Lee’s pretty face. “You just want to be friends because I’m royalty!” she finished with a pout, dropping her pen and crossing her arms tightly against her chest.

“No!” Ty Lee said emphatically, shaking her head—her long braided hair tossing behind her shoulders. “I want to be friends with you because you’re neat,” she smiled widely. The girl lifted a shoulder up and offered her pinky. “Pinky promise?”

“Those aren’t real ,” Azula huffed, but a warm, fuzzy feeling she couldn’t explain washed over her. She knew she should be nice to this girl and she wanted to be. Ty Lee seemed so kind and dependable. Azula wanted her words to be true. She looked over at Ty Lee, who sat down, her eyes watering and her lips trembling.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Azula said softly. She shouldn’t have been so harsh. She didn’t want to make such a sweet, genuine girl break into tears. Azula put her arm around Ty Lee and rubbed her back. “We can be friends,” she looped her pinky through hers. And the way the girl beamed at her would be something she’d never forget. 

“Do you want to play?” Ty Lee asked again.

And Azula stacked her papers neatly and put them over to the side, grabbing Ty Lee’s hand and bringing her into the yard. 

Maybe she did want to play after all. 

Azula winced and swallowed as a bitter lump rose in her throat. She didn’t want to think about any of that anymore. Azula looked over at Zirin. “I’m fine,” she said a bit more harshly than she intended. “I just don’t want these stupid voices in my head.”

Zirin’s eyes widened. “Are you seeing and hearing things that aren’t there ?” she asked slowly and deliberately.

“Of course not!” Azula snapped. And she wasn’t. Not this time. Hot blood and a strong sensation of mortification coursed through her veins as she recalled the moments she was having hallucinations. She’d never stop being ashamed of that. Azula was strong, capable, and intelligent—she wasn’t insane like most of the rejects in this nuthouse. It was just one time. But it shouldn’t have even been once. What forces of nature conspired to turn her own mind against her?

She could hardly stand the soft expression on Zirin’s face. It made her reveal more about herself that she should have. A person like Azula was supposed to carry herself with the utmost discretion. No one needed to know the full extent of her flaws. And her feelings for Ty Lee were a glaring flaw— a gaping weakness. She never wanted anyone to know that she had this horrible attraction to women—but Zirin revealing that she had the same predicament truly did surprise her. The subtle confidence Zirin had shocked her even more. Fire Nation women weren’t supposed to be deviants. Azula did all she could to fight against her desires and temptations but it was never enough. Zirin clearly didn’t try. It was so wrong, yet so bold of her. Azula didn’t know why she wanted to tell her things, to talk to her, to keep her as a loyal ally . Her life was clearly unraveling before her very eyes.

A moment later, Azula heard footsteps approaching on the floors. She looked up and found two attendants carting a wheelchair while one of them held a straitjacket. It seemed that they were getting closer and closer to her cell. Zirin’s eyes widened, then she looked at the attendants and over at Azula, as they unlocked the door to Azula’s cell. Azula saw Zirin’s lip curl into a snarl, her eyebrows knit tightly together. 

The attendants dragged Azula up from her spot on the floor and plopped her down in the wheelchair, strapping her in the straitjacket. Azula’s eyes darted, feeling too startled to even fight back. What were they doing ? Her arms were pulled uncomfortably on opposite sides as they tightened the straps.

“This is completely unnecessary!” Zirin barked at the attendants, her hands balled into fists. Azula rolled her eyes. Was this girl now coming to her defense ? She didn’t need that. 

“Firelord Zuko has requested to see Azula,” one of the attendants said quietly, her eyes not leaving the floor. Zuko ? Why the hell would he come over to see her? As far as Azula was concerned, Zuko despised her and was gloating over his success over her. Short-lived success if Azula had any control over the situation. What was he going to do now that he was going to see her? Perhaps he wasn’t truly happy and he’d try to patch up the wounds between them both. What a weakling .

“And you think she needs to be put in a straitjacket ? This is bullshit!” Zirin shouted.

“We have to ensure that Azula won’t attack the Firelord with her firebending,” the other attendant muttered listlessly, as if she were used to such outbursts from Zirin. Azula had seen her get angry before—when she insulted her for letting her forbidden desires for women take precedence over the ideals of the Fire Nation. It stunned her how Zirin was to forgive her so quickly—to still want to talk to her and feel some base level of sympathy towards her. Azula usually scared people into submission or sowed the seeds of hidden resentment within them, like her friend Mai when she chose to betray her in favor of keeping Zuko alive. Zuko left her. And she wanted him to fall to his death. She wanted the people who abandoned her to suffer .

“I can fend for myself, Zirin,” Azula said sharply, but some unknown feeling rose up in her as she saw those eyes filled with compassion. She could use her loyalty to her advantage. But there was something nice about that loyalty. 

She looked back at Zirin as the attendants wheeled her away. Zirin grinned and Azula couldn’t resist smiling back. And that feeling increased. Perhaps she really could trust in her. But she still needed to have her guard up. She didn’t know for sure if Zirin would stay true or betray her like everybody else. 

As they wheeled her outside the perimeters of the asylum, Azula couldn’t help but feel the eyes of the other members of the asylum boring into her. She was the Princess. They would stare. But for the first time ever, she hated the attention. Why were they looking at her like that ? She glared at each and every one of them.

The attendants stopped by the entrance of the asylum as the pathetic sight of her brother came into view. The fool was scratching the back of his neck as he approached Azula. The expression on his face was almost gentle . Azula looked away and scowled. Was he here because he pitied her? She didn’t want his charity , especially after he dumped her in this horrible place. 

“Can we have some privacy please?” he asked the attendants. “I will bring her back inside.”

The two women nodded, bowing to show him respect. Azula scoffed. She deserved to be the firelord. She was the rightful heir to the throne. Not him. 

“I don’t want you here,” Azula spat as Zuko stood in front of her. “There’s no reason for me to speak to you after you left me in the nuthouse.” 

Zuko sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking back at Azula. His eyes seemed worn, tired . Of course he’d make a horrible leader. He was probably scrambling to find all the different ways to cater to all the other nations. The Fire Nation was supposed to reign supreme. They were the best. The divinely ordained to rule over the world. But Zuko didn’t accept that. He was always too weak to thrive in the Fire Nation society. He sought to appease everyone, to usher in the clumsy union of a fractured society. “I put you here because I want you to get better.”

“ Better ?” Azula cackled. “I won’t get better here. The conditions are awful and the nutcases in here are only getting worse,” she snapped.

“The Fire Nation has done much damage,” Zuko said slowly. “And that’s true for places like these. I want to make things better for you here,” he continued in a soft, quiet tone. It made Azula sick . “But I have many other things I have to get done first.”

“You’re a shitty firelord, aren’t you?” Azula retorted. She could see a glint of anger appear in Zuko’s eyes. She smiled smugly. That useless brother of hers still struggled with his temper. “I don’t belong here,” Azula added. “I deserve to be in your place as the rightful ruler of the Fire Nation.”

“You need help ,” Zuko shot back, his voice rising. “I do care about you, Azula. But you make everything so needlessly difficult.”

“I was always better than you in everything,” Azula yelled back, her heart thumping loudly in her chest, her whole body piping hot with intense anger. “I don’t want your fucking pity.”

Zuko squinted and took a few long, slow breaths. All of this was clearly getting to him. The stupid sap . He could never be strong like Azula. It wasn’t within him. Everyone knew that. “I’ll keep visiting and checking up on you,” he said. “But clearly you’re not in the mood for a visit today.” He sighed deeply and grabbed her wheelchair, bringing her back to the attendants.

“This conversation was utterly useless,” Azula shouted, tossing her head over her shoulder to look at her brother walking away. “ Never come back!” He opened the door and left within a second. Good . He was finally gone. And she hoped she would never see that face again .

The attendants brought Azula back to her cell, carefully undoing the straitjacket and taking her out of her wheelchair, guiding her into the corner where she usually sat.

“Your conversation with your brother didn’t go well, I take it,” Zirin said.

Azula huffed. “It was terrible. He’s so weak and pathetic. He thinks he can pity me but he can’t.” She took a few moments to collect herself. Azula inhaled sharply and ran her hands through her hair. She turned around to face Zirin. The girl was waiting there patiently for her to say more, her hands folded together in her lap. “But I’m no longer going to accept my fate ,” Azula continued. “I will find a way out of this place and you’re coming with me.”

“ What ? How ?” Zirin asked, leaning forward, her eyes narrowed and blinking. She clearly never thought of escaping. Azula didn’t know why. Zirin seemed to put up a fight when it came to everything else. She was rebellious . She did things her own way, despite all the consequences. It was so strange that she never considered leaving even once . “There’s no way we can leave,” she whispered.

“It will take some planning and consideration,” Azula said calmly. She straightened her spine and sat tall, a smirk on her face. “We may need to find some other allies for this to work. But we will get out of here, I know that much is true.”

“It will never work,” Zirin replied, shaking her head.

“I will make it work,” Azula answered. “Just trust me.”

She would make it out of there and she would show them all . 

Chapter Text

“Alright girls,” Suki clapped her hands together, the sound echoing in the mess hall. “Great work today, we’ll work on more exercises tomorrow.”

Ty Lee smiled as she bent down to do some extra stretches. She’d been a Kyoshi warrior for several months now. And time really went by fast. It felt like a lifetime ago since she met them in the Boiling Rock prison, approaching them and giving them chiblocking lessons. The girls eyed her suspiciously at first, but it didn’t take long for them to warm up to her. She was so glad back then. She needed people to support her in such a difficult time. 

But it didn’t hurt too much to think about now. It was just the beginning of a happier, freer life. One she hadn’t experienced in years . 

Ty Lee smiled at the other girls as she picked up her mat, returning it to the corner of the room, the torches illuminating the space with a soft glow as the sun slipped down the horizon.

“Ty Lee,” Suki said, her hand on Ty Lee’s shoulder. Ty Lee jumped a little bit and giggled.

“Hey Suki, what is it?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, as Suki smiled warmly at her. She almost couldn’t believe that at one point, they were on opposite sides of a war. Their friendship just came so naturally. It was like they’d never been enemies in the first place.

“Firelord Zuko talked to me earlier this morning, and he wants to see you.”

“Oh okay!” Ty Lee replied, standing upright. It had been a little while since she’d been assigned to be his bodyguard. Ty Lee was a little surprised that Suki wasn’t given the job, since she was clearly the leader , but Ty Lee’s chiblocking skills earned her that spot. Getting the position was a good thing, anyway. Ty Lee got to know Zuko much more that she already had and she was glad to see them getting closer. 

Suki guided Ty Lee outside the mess hall and walked with her to the palace. Ty Lee smiled as the two made their wordless stroll as the sun set, casting soft shades of purple, pink, and orange all around them. It wouldn’t be long before the sky would be full of stars. Ty Lee always enjoyed seeing the stars cover the night sky—making her wonder what it would be like to transcend the earth and exist in space. Suki looked over at Ty Lee and chuckled a little.

“It’s funny seeing a girl like you look so pensive,” she said.

“Well maybe there’s more to me than meets the eye,” Ty Lee replied with a goofy, pretend hair flip, leading Suki to chuckle more. Suki playfully shoved her—Ty Lee starting to giggle too—as they entered through the doors of the palace.

“Alright, I’ll see you later at dinner?” 

“Yeah, see you then!” Ty Lee said, waving goodbye before Suki slipped behind the door and disappeared.

Ty Lee took a deep breath and squared her shoulders as she made her way to Zuko’s office. She knocked gently at the door, opening it just a crack. She could see Zuko writing on a piece of paper with a pen, his hair a bit tussled. Ty Lee knew being Firelord was hard on him. How couldn’t it be? Ty Lee could never imagine what it would be like having the responsibility to rebuild the world and restore peace after a hundred-year war.

“Come in, Ty Lee,” Zuko said.

Ty Lee walked up to him and bowed. “You wanted to see me?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Zuko grinned softly and then frowned. “I wanted to talk to you because…” he trailed off, eyes darting nervously, his hand flying to scratch the back of his neck. “I just saw Azula a couple days ago.”

Ty Lee froze—her fists tightening by her sides, her eyebrows knitted furiously together, and her breathing growing sharp and shallow. “You what ?” she asked, her face darkening. Why would he do such a thing? And why did he need to tell her about it?

“I know, I know,” Zuko sighed. “I’m trying to make sure she has what she needs so she can get better. And I thought you should know about it, since you were her friend.”

Ty Lee stood there speechless, hardly knowing what to do or say, her wide eyes boring into Zuko’s as he scrambled for excuses. He was her brother, sure. But he didn’t know how awful she was? She was too far gone. She didn’t deserve to get better after everything she’d done. 

“And things could likely get worse before they get better,” Zuko finished with a breath.

“Why?” Ty Lee spat. “Why–why would you ever go see her? You know she’s evil , right?” She started to pace back and forth, feeling dizzy and all out of place for the first time in months . Ty Lee worked so hard to push Azula out of her mind—to forget her forever. And now Zuko was going to risk everyone by trying to save someone who didn’t want to be saved. Someone who liked to cause misery and pain.

“She’s not evil, Ty Lee. She’s just…hurting,” Zuko replied.

“I thought that too, and look what happened!” Ty Lee argued, throwing her hands up. “I’m sure you remember that she nearly killed Mai.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Zuko said, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his face. “But my Uncle says everyone deserves a second chance. And she’s my sister . I want to offer to her what was offered to me.”

“But she doesn’t deserve it,” Ty Lee said, crossing her arms. “I…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You’ll do what you’ve already been doing,” Zuko tried to assure her with a flicker of a shy, nervous smile. He swallowed and his face turned serious again. “I just thought you had a right to know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ty Lee said, swatting her hand and tapping her foot nervously. “You’re the Firelord and I-I’ll…make sure everything stays okay.” She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

But how could she calm down? 

Azula was back in the picture.

***

“Hey, Ty Lee,” a gentle nudge and a soft, warm voice appeared next to her. Ty Lee turned around to face Rushi—the Kyoshi Warrior she had gotten closest with. She was such a comfort to her from the very first day, with her dark brown eyes, raven-colored hair, and her open, welcoming posture. “Are you alright?” Rushi asked. “You’re tossing and turning.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Ty Lee assured her, forcing a smile. She didn’t want her to worry. It wasn’t the first night that Ty Lee struggled to sleep. Her mind was always full of racing thoughts. It always took her a while to settle down. And a couple sleepless nights wouldn’t kill her. They never did.

But the meeting with Zuko—Ty Lee couldn’t help but think, think, and think. The news of Azula—a person who used to be her whole life—got her combing back through her memory. 

From a very young age, Ty Lee knew she was different. Sometimes she felt like life was some sort of game and everyone else had the rules, but she wasn’t given any. Ty Lee was constantly told not to move around too much or talk too loud or laugh too hard. People reacted to her with confusion—raised eyebrows, whispers, giggles. She couldn’t keep her energy contained—she jumped around and talked a lot and never seemed to do what anyone wanted her to. Ty Lee could be perfectly happy in her own little world but that illusion broke whenever people yelled at her. She was the youngest of seven daughters and all her older sisters were normal . They wanted her to be like them. Ty Lee felt like her parents wanted her to be normal too.

Ty Lee could play the part—do what she needed. She could stop bouncing and jumping. She could talk and laugh more quietly. She could not say much and let others say what they wanted to say. Ty Lee could observe the way others acted and copy it as perfectly as she could. And she did for a really, really long time.

But it destroyed her. 

No one paid any real attention to Ty Lee, especially not in her big family with a busy nobleman for a father and six identical sisters. She went completely unnoticed. It kept people happy, when she acted all normal. But they weren’t happy because of her. The version of Ty Lee that they saw wasn’t really Ty Lee. None of it was real. And it was stressful. Unbearable. She had to just leave. Just run away. Start a new life.

Ty Lee remembered going for a walk and finding some sort of flier on one of the streets. They were advertising a circus. It was looking for performers—people who were out of the ordinary . That was her! She could go to the circus! Ty Lee said goodbye to a very, very grouchy and snippy Azula and a shrugging, listless Mai. 

Ty Lee missed her friends but the circus was super fun. She got an excuse to jump around and no one cared how loud she talked or laughed. They gave her pretty costumes to wear and she got all the attention she wanted for so long. There was nothing so exhilarating and amazing than applause at something she did. 

Ty Lee remembered one of the first things she was told at the circus—she was a very, very pretty and friendly girl and that would make her stand out. Maybe it was because she grew up with a bunch of identical sisters, but Ty Lee never thought of herself as especially pretty. Her long, chestnut hair was thick and unruly and she could only make it look neat with a braid. Even then, her bangs curled out and swept around her face. Her eyes were somewhat unique compared to most other girls in the Fire Nation—a light grey. It looked like the kind of misty, hazy sky after rainfall. But again, her sisters had the same pair of eyes.

Ty Lee was getting older and growing back then. When she first arrived, she felt her torso and her legs were too long for her. But soon enough, she grew into them. She was fairly tall but not too tall. She was lithe and limber, which was perfect for her acrobatic moves. Ty Lee also developed an hourglass shape steadily over time and she’d been told over and over that it would win her a lot of attention. She was so naive and wide eyed at first that she found the idea exciting. But no, the attention wasn’t always good. It made her feel very odd sometimes—especially when she was younger and people seemed to look at her or talk to her like she was much older.

Ty Lee quickly learned how to move past those things. She could often be forgetful and ditzy and used that to her advantage whenever people acted oddly. She’d just act innocently confused. That added to her charm. 

People also liked how sweet and cute and cheerful she was—it made her headline a lot of events. Ty Lee worried about jealousy but most people in her traveling circus troupe were pretty supportive and lighthearted. 

She used to be affectionately teased by the showrunners and her circus colleagues. They called her a flirt. Some even referred to her as the “circus coquette.” Ty Lee remembered being puzzled. She didn’t try to flirt. Not at first anyway. Ty Lee was just very expressive and known for smiling a lot. She enjoyed being social, as long as no one was secretly disapproving of her in any way, and liked to engage people. Ty Lee learned quickly that people loved compliments and jokes and liked being looked in the eye, even if that part was uncomfortable for her sometimes.

No one could deny that boys noticed Ty Lee. And Ty Lee learned how to flirt and flounce and how to tease them. Seeing them stumble and trip all over themselves was pretty funny. It was kinda an ego boost. None of it was really serious. It was just for fun. Some boys weren’t bad looking and had nice personalities, so Ty Lee didn’t mind. She wanted to sparkle and shine bright for them. She wanted the thrill of the chase. Any feeling of being wanted .

But she’d never really been in love. 

Not once. 

It didn’t make any sense. Ty Lee. Never in love. She was a hopeless romantic in every other sense of the word. She was a hopeless romantic about her dreams and her wishes and wants. She was a hopeless romantic about friends and fun. She was a hopeless romantic in terms of how she viewed herself and others viewed her.

Ty Lee tried her best to imagine a life of love and romance in her mind’s eye. She did really, truly want a connection like that—a soulmate. Ty Lee absolutely adored the idea of it—cuddles, kisses, dates, vacations, silly arcade games, and everything with that special person. But it really was only an idea. Ty Lee couldn’t picture any real boy that met that fantasy. None of the boys in her life fit.

And, as much as she tried to pretend, Ty Lee noticed girls. She couldn’t help it. They were so beautiful . She loved their pretty faces and hair and eyes. She loved the way they laughed and talked. She loved every little thing they did.  But she couldn’t have crushes on girls. It wasn’t allowed. No one in the Fire Nation accepted girls who liked girls. That was the mildest way of putting it. There were severe consequences for anyone caught in same-sex relationships.

It was considered immoral, deviant, twisted, and grotesque. 

Ty Lee never wanted to be any of those things. She couldn’t be anyway. 

The way they all talked about it—people in same sex relationships didn’t keep to traditional standards of masculinity and femininity. Ty Lee was very, very feminine—more feminine than most other girls. She loved feeling very girly and pretty. Ty Lee didn’t look like the women they talked about. She liked flirting with boys and the attention they gave her. It couldn’t be possible.

Ty Lee didn’t want life to just pass her by, some of it not even seeming real at all. She wanted to fall in love like everybody else did. Ty Lee didn’t want all of her life gone before she got to really love and live and experience it all. 

But how could she when she wanted girls and only girls? 

Things were changing now. Zuko was going to change the law that Sozin set in place forbidding homosexuality and same-sex marriages. But they weren’t changing fast enough. Ty Lee knew it would take a while before everyone would come around and it had to be kept a secret for now. 

She felt happy being part of the Kyoshi warriors. It was very similar to how she felt at the circus—but she was taken more seriously, she was really and truly appreciated. More than she had ever been before. And while Ty Lee couldn’t shake the feelings of being different , in more ways than one, she did feel accepted and supported.

But now—Azula was stuck in her mind. 

Ty Lee could never claim to completely hate being on Azula’s mission. She enjoyed being with her childhood friends but she wasn’t so sure she always liked being a soldier. There was an adrenaline rush whenever she got to use her chiblocking skills. She loved seeing Azula’s approval whether through a subtle nod or playful smirk. Even though it could be fun, it could be stressful and tiring. And Azula got very tense when things didn’t go exactly her way. Sometimes Ty Lee didn’t know what her way was— it could change from each moment to the next. She did her best to smile and follow along as best she could because she didn’t want to see Azula angry. Ty Lee truly underestimated just how bad it could get. 

She should have known. 

The moment Azula arrived at her circus, she was so happy . It had been years since she’d seen her best friend. Every part of Ty Lee felt lit up as soon as she saw her—naively hoping that she wanted to talk and see her performance. It didn’t bother Ty Lee too much that Azula turned up her nose disdainfully at the circus. She wasn’t part of that life. She preferred being in the upper echelon of Fire Nation society. Ty Lee remembered how upset Azula was when she chose to leave and join the circus, but she thought that she missed her enough to push all that aside. She’d choose to be here for her now. How wrong she was.

Azula immediately asked her to capture Zuko and Iroh as prisoners, and track down the Avatar.   It sounded odd to her. Capture Zuko? And Iroh? They’d always been nice as long as she’d known them. She’d heard about Zuko’s banishment and Iroh’s decision to follow him. They were no longer considered part of the Fire Nation. But couldn’t they just assimilate into the Water Tribe or Earth Kingdom? It was clear that Ozai put Azula up to this—Ty Lee never liked the Firelord. His aura was always cruel, sadistic, and horrifying –but Azula seemed very attached to the mission. Ty Lee wanted to be with Azula in some way again. Maybe they could have visits now and then, and write each other letters. But she didn’t want to leave the circus and a nervous sensation rose up in her body as she thought about the mission. 

Azula acted like she was more than happy to let Ty Lee stay at the circus, but then she said in a sickly-sweet tone that she would go catch her show later. Ty Lee knew what that meant. She was angry . 

And later, she leveraged her status as Princess to set all the nets on fire and let all the most dangerous animals loose. It was a miracle that Ty Lee made it out alive. She felt no choice but to do what Azula wanted—and she thought she caught a hint of remorse from Azula following the performance.

What a fool she was.

And she did that time and time again. She wanted to believe that there was good in Azula. That her angry, ruthless, cruel behavior meant she was hurting inside. That there was more to her than that. And she fed that narrative so constantly that she convinced herself that it was true. Ty Lee just cared so much for Azula. She thought they had a real bond—a real friendship there. Ty Lee believed wholeheartedly in Azula—believing she could see sides to her that not everyone could see. Azula could even be kind of …soft. And she never seemed to doubt Ty Lee in anything. Ty Lee couldn’t be her true self around most people nearly all her life, but around Azula, she could. Azula didn’t mind. Sometimes she seemed to find it endearing in a way. There was mutual respect and admiration and even affection.

But that was all her manipulation. Her control. None of it was ever real . Ty Lee’s wishful thinking and blind optimism led her to craft a complete fantasy—one that would only hurt her in the end. She’d never be so naive and foolish ever again. She had to keep her guard up. 

And finally, she was surrounded by people who wouldn’t ever think of doing these awful things to her. 

Ty Lee knew now that she was far from being able to let go. Not when Azula was one of the girls she noticed. Ty Lee had all the feelings she wasn’t supposed to have around her—the warm, fuzzy, fluttery feelings, the knees wobbling, the heart racing, the face flushing—all of it. She found Azula so gorgeous and strong and capable. Everything about Azula fascinated Ty Lee. She was captivated by her—absolutely mesmerized. Ty Lee wanted to know everything about her—get inside her mind, feel what she felt, think what she thought. Back then, those dreams of loving a life of love and romance only really worked if Azula fit—but she could never fit in their society. Ty Lee had to brush them aside. But it completely humiliated her now.

The fact that Zuko was talking to Azula again caused bitterness to rise up in her throat and a tight, sick feeling in her stomach. Hot blood coursed through her veins and her heartbeat pounded so loud that she could hear it in her head. Ty Lee so desperately wanted to go back to forgetting her and moving on with her life.

But it seemed like Azula would never truly leave her.

Ty Lee twisted and turned in her sleeping bag again. She just wanted everything to be happy, like they were . 

She knew what to do. She’d focus on being with the Kyoshi warriors and her duties as Zuko’s bodyguard, and maybe she could find a new girl that she could love. It wouldn’t be too long until change would start to set in, and she could love freely. 

And maybe, Zuko would change his mind about Azula, and she would go back to being nothing more than a distant, hazy memory.

Chapter Text

The weeks that have passed since Azula’s arrival at the asylum seemed to go by faster than all the years Zirin spent there before the Princess showed up. The Princess hadn’t given up on her plan to make an escape, and she was clearly devoting a lot of time and energy to get it just right. Zirin watched from outside her cell as Azula walked around talking to different people. They were both allowed time on the main floor for good behavior. The wardens and attendants seemed to trust that the Princess wouldn’t use her bending when she was around the other patients. But it’d be a different story if her brother came to visit again. The wardens and attendants would definitely be concerned about the protection of the new Firelord. 

Zirin crossed her arms and shifted her weight to the side as she saw Azula’s golden eyes studying the face of some woman sitting down with a deck of cards at a table. There was something so cunning and intimidating about the Princess, but it was more intriguing to Zirin than anything else. The desire to get to know her more and find out what was really behind her piercing, calculating facade continued to swell within her chest. She had some answers but clearly not enough. Zirin walked over to Azula. The Princess turned around to face her with a wide smirk on her face.

“What are you doing?” Zirin asked in a hushed whisper. The Princess sighed and playfully rolled her eyes, grabbing Zirin’s hand and whisking her away back near their cells before the wardens and attendants could see. There was no touching allowed between patients in this miserable place. The very few visitors who came by could get away with it, but this place hardly had visitors. Azula’s eyes seemed to shine as she let go of Zirin, that smirk not fading away.

“Just trust that I know what I’m doing, Zirin. I’m going to get us out of here,” she said, straightening her spine and tilting her chin upwards. “Everything is going according to plan. You don’t need to do anything.”

Zirin sighed deeply and just nodded as Azula sashayed away. There was no point in arguing with her. Breaking out of the asylum was a bold and risky move, but she didn’t want to be stuck in that place for the rest of her life. Zirin swallowed and blushed as she watched Azula’s hips sway a little, her thick, shiny hair cascading down her back. Azula was probably one of the most gorgeous girls she’d ever seen in her life. Zirin knew she was far from the only one to think so. The Princess was the topic of conversations wherever she went. But back then, Zirin didn’t care to spend time obsessing over some royal that she thought she’d never truly know . People’s interest in her was only superficial anyway. But now that she was getting to know her, she could see why people were so preoccupied with her—even if the reasons behind it were hardly the same at all. 

Zirin knew she shouldn’t be attracted to the Princess. She honestly didn’t know why she was putting any trust in her at all—she got this suspicion that Azula wasn’t as ruthless as she and others made her out to be. The Princess seemed like a complicated person—she talked about her best friend in an almost caring, regretful way, even if she acted like she was abandoned and betrayed. She genuinely believed that not a person in the world cared for her or would stay by her side. It would be stupid to act like the Princess was not a threat at all, but she had more layers to her. She deserved at least one chance. Zirin always considered herself as a person with a good head on her shoulders. She knew she should be cautious. But were all those feelings—the warm, delicate rush that settled in the pit of her stomach, the flush on her cheeks, and her rapid heartbeat—leading her down a dangerous path? For some reason, she wanted to throw all caution to the wind for this Princess. She’d never been drawn to someone like her. Misaki was so different. So sweet, tender, and caring. 

“Hey,” a soft, gentle voice startled Zirin. She jumped up, her book falling out of her hands and tumbling down onto her lap. Zirin groaned a little—she was peacefully reading her book and now one of her stupid classmates made her lose her place. Why couldn’t everyone just leave her alone? 

Zirin looked over at the girl and her eyes widened as she sat back, trying but desperately failing to act nonchalant when she saw who it was. How could Misaki, one of the most popular girls in their school—let alone their entire town , be talking to her ? Wouldn’t she rather sit with that wide circle of friends of hers? They’d be much more fun than Zirin. “What are you doing here?” Zirin blurted out.

The girl giggled and sat a bit closer to Zirin, brushing her hair back, her warm, brown eyes shining. “I’m sorry I startled you. I just noticed that you’re always sitting alone. I thought you might like some company.” 

Zirin glanced down at the book in her lap and took a deep breath. She never really bothered to make any friends in recent years. Zirin would tell people that she wasn’t interested in engaging in the silly, frivolous conservations of her classmates or be surrounded by their loud, raucous laughter. And that wasn’t exactly untrue. But she couldn’t say the real reason . It was hard enough for her to admit to herself. 

All throughout her childhood, Zirin would spend time just staring in the mirror, knowing that something wasn’t right. She wasn’t a normal girl. She didn’t like putting on pretty dresses or wearing ribbons in her hair. She never related to school-girl crushes or songs and poetry written about love. Zirin could play the part and follow all the rules to the letter, but she knew there was something wrong, something missing. It got even worse when she started experiencing the feelings meant for boys when she was around other girls. Zirin felt like she couldn’t be around them anymore. Maybe they’d learn her secret. And she’d be mocked by her classmates, disowned by her parents, or that and worse. 

“I’m fine by myself,” Zirin said. “I appreciate it but…it-it’s fine,” she stuttered a little, suddenly feeling flustered in her presence. 

“Well, what if I want to spend time with you?” Misaki insisted, taking Zirin’s hand, holding it gently. Zirin gasped lightly, her cheeks coloring as this beautiful, sweet girl touched her in this way. “Don’t tell anyone I said this,” Misaki continued, leaning in close to Zirin. “But everyone else is just so boring. And you’re the only interesting one here.”

Zirin snorted. “Me? Interesting?” She never would have expected that someone would find her interesting . She never bothered to engage with anybody. She never did anything exciting or noteworthy. Zirin was just a quiet girl who kept to herself and didn’t dare to share her life with anyone else. 

“Yeah,” Misaki said, giggling and squeezing Zirin’s hand. “You’re like…super mysterious. You’re always reading your books and doing things your own way, and it’s cool. I admire that.”

“Thanks,” Zirin replied softly, still reeling at the sensation of Misaki’s hand in hers. “I don’t think you’re half bad,” she said. Zirin never really knew much about Misaki aside from the fact that she was popular. And Zirin didn’t like most of the popular girls. They were too loud and chaotic and they seemed so fake. But Misaki was clearly a genuine and caring person.  

“Well thank you,” Misaki laughed, pretending to bow. Zirin shook her head and smiled brightly. 

It wasn’t long until Zirin and Misaki became inseparable . They spent all their time together—going on little adventures, talking about absolutely nothing , trading jokes, and even sharing secrets. And Zirin’s whole world changed the one night that Misaki admitted that she liked boys her whole life, but she was starting to have those same feelings for her. They loved each other in secret for a couple years before they were found out.

Misaki changed something in Zirin. For most of her life, she’d go along with what everyone else told her. She’d do everything right—making sure not to disrupt the status quo or do anything to disappoint her parents. They were always loyal to the Fire Nation way of things. And Zirin didn’t know a life outside of that—adherence to the rules and the standards set by the upper echelon of society—could exist. But her love for Misaki made her start questioning things. She didn’t blindly follow what others told her was right anymore. Zirin decided for herself what was right. 

And she started to resent her parents and the Fire Nation elite. She got angry. She grew more rebellious . And all those things were brewing beneath the surface the moment she was caught with Misaki.

Zirin never regretted being with her. She’d always hold a special place for her in her heart. But she was starting to want Azula just as badly. There was something so intriguing about someone so bold, assertive, and self-assuring. 

And she didn’t resent her despite being royalty. The system didn’t work for her either—it broke her down in the end. And Zirin could relate to that. She wanted to show Azula that there was a life outside her enclosure. But the Princess seemed focused on getting everything back. Maybe if Zirin took a leap of faith and stayed loyal to her, that would change. 

Zirin heard a big, drawn-out sigh and watched Azula make her way back over to their cell. She sat down and swept her hair back—the sheared strands already growing back in again. The Princess looked over at her and smiled. “I can see you staring at me, you know,” she said. “You’re a curious person, aren’t you?’

Zirin bit her lip in embarrassment and looked away, her face flushing. Were her feelings really that obvious? Or did the Princess think that her staring had to do something else? Zirin fervently wished it was the latter. She was too afraid to find out what Azula would think of her attraction to her—especially after they’d known each other for such a short period of time. Zirin cleared her throat. “I guess you can say that, yeah,” she chuckled a bit nervously.

“You still can’t make sense of the fact that you’re in a lunatic asylum next to a royal, can you?” Azula offered, her eyebrow raised. Zirin breathed a sigh of relief. So she didn’t notice that she was attracted to her. And what she said wasn’t exactly false. Zirin never expected that she’d ever come into contact with Fire Nation royalty. It was the last thing on her mind. And it still surprised her that the Princess ended up there of all places. It was part of why she so badly wanted to know what happened—what hurt her. Would she ever know? Would the Princess ever trust in her—want to get to know her like Zirin did?

“Not really,” Zirin said with a slight smile. “You’re just…unlike anyone I ever met before,” she admitted. 

“Being a Princess sets me apart from most people, I suppose,” Azula breathed, starting to play with loose strands of her hair. “But that’s not what you mean, is it?” she asked, her eyes staring into Zirin’s. She gave her that same focused stare that she cast on the other patients she was talking to. The Princess seemed to always examine and size up every person she was around. It was almost as though she were constantly searching for allies and enemies—wanting to know which people she should keep by her side or not. Was it her past betrayals that led to this behavior or was it something else?

“Not exactly, no,” Zirin replied, pulling at the fabric of her clothing. “You’re different in many ways.”

“I can’t say I met anyone like you either,” Azula said. “I know you had a secret love and your parents sent you here because of it. But…what was your life like before you came here?” she asked, almost gently. Zirin’s jaw dropped a bit. Azula was actually interested to learn more about her? The Princess was a closed book, that much she could tell. Zirin wasn’t expecting her to want to be closer to her. Maybe it wasn’t exactly that. But there was something real and true about the way she asked that question.

“It wasn’t really noteworthy or exciting,” Zirin admitted. “My family was ordinary—we weren’t rich but we weren’t poor. They were very loyal to the Firelord—your father,” she stammered awkwardly. She could’ve sworn she saw Azula wince and grimace a little at the mention of him. Zirin’s eyes softened a little. He must have done something . Zirin didn’t know much about him except that he was the reason for the way things were. And she started to hate him as she got older. She questioned whether it was silly or petty of her to direct such hatred to the leader of her nation—but something told her just now that her feelings about him were justified. “They were very traditional. They never expected me to be the way I am,” she finished.

“I don’t understand your audacity ,” Azula said. “How could you be perfectly fine with your nature ?” 

Zirin felt a slight pang of annoyance. The Princess admitted to her that she was a lesbian too. Why was she acting like it wasn’t a part of her—that if she just ignored it that it could go away? That’s not the way it worked. And there was no use in her getting all irritated with Zirin for facing the facts. She closed her eyes and took a second to breathe. “It wasn’t easy,” she breathed. “I thought there was something intrinsically wrong with me for years . I tried to suppress it—to hide it,” she said honestly. “But Misaki—the girl I was with—I was willing to throw everything away for her.”

“You’re reckless,” the Princess shot back. “I can’t ever imagine doing such a thing.” 

All of Zirin’s muscles tensed at the Princess’s words. She could feel her stomach churning and her pulse increasing by a rapid rate—her body going all hot. Zirin continued to breathe deeply. There was no use getting angry at Azula. She experienced the same denial and fear as her at one point. But she didn’t understand why the Princess decided to take it out on her. She didn’t need to lash out. 

Zirin was about to speak when the Princess piped up again. “I’ve always pushed my feelings aside, like I was supposed to,” she said sharply. “But they never went away.” Her eyes looked glossy and shiny. Zirin couldn’t stay mad at her. 

“Princess, they can’t be pushed away and they’re not meant to be,” she said gently, moving closer to the bars of Azula’s cell, looking at her intently.

Azula scoffed and laughed ruefully, shaking her head. “I suppose I was bound to lose everything and everyone’s loyalty. I was weakened by my own feelings and desires. I’ll be stronger now. I’ll have everything I had before, and more, ” she said, looking away and down at the floor, her hands balling into fists. Her face contorted into an angry, yet pained expression. 

“Princess,” Zirin started in as soft a tone as she could muster. She knew that she had to be careful here if she was going to stay in the Princess’s good graces—if she was going to get her to feel like she could open up to her at all. 

“What?” the Princess snapped, turning her head back to face her, releasing her fists and hanging her hands at her sides. 

“Do you miss her—your childhood friend?” Zirin asked.

“What does it matter if I miss her?” Azula retorted sharply, but Zirin could hear a slight quiver in her voice—her words clearly lacking conviction. “She betrayed me,” she added, her voice cracking at the word betrayed . 

“Well,” Zirin said, squaring her shoulders. “I won’t betray you.”

Azula snorted but Zirin could spot a slight smile on her face. “You’re a funny one,” she said.

“I’ve never heard anyone say that to me before,” Zirin replied, starting to laugh a little. And it was true . Misaki saw her in a light that no one else did before, but it was different . She was interested in her, but she wasn’t amused in the same way as the Princess. This whole dynamic was going to lead to many different firsts . Was it always this way when it came to other women? Zirin didn’t pay that much attention to men, of course, but she could tell that they were rather…predictable. Women were not. 

Zirin looked ahead as soft-spoken chatter sounded in the distance. She saw the women Azula had been talking to earlier engaged in conversation with each other. Their faces looked serious—their lips pulled taut and their eyes narrowed as their voices drew closer to sharp whispers.

“My plan is coming together,” Azula said in a haughty, arrogant tone, that ever-present smirk appearing on her face yet again. “Things will change for the both of us very soon,” she finished, her face seeming to soften as she looked over at Zirin once more.

Zirin could feel her heart skip a beat and she looked away, so the Princess wouldn’t see her blushing. She wasn’t expecting Azula to look at her that way. Almost as if she trusted her and really wanted her by her side. Zirin couldn’t get her hopes up too quickly. She couldn’t jump to conclusions about the Princess—a person whom she still barely knew. Zirin let out a long breath as she watched the setting sun cast shadows on the asylum walls. 

The Princess was right. Things were going to change. And it seemed that they already have.