Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jisung was pissed. He didn’t know at what or who exactly. He just was. It was a sunny day, far too sunny for this time of year. And Jisung was hungry. And Jisung was tired. And Jisung was pissed.

He was walking to the vending machine to get a snack before his afternoon writing session with Changbin and Chan. He had missed lunch… again earlier that day. And he wasn’t even able to complain. Being so busy that you missed your lunch and didn’t sleep was considered a luxury problem in their trainee world. It meant that you were closer to the ultimate goal that all of them shared. It meant that there was a good chance that you would actually debut.

Still, in that moment, that reality didn’t soothe Jisung at all. Instead, it just made him want to chew someone’s head off even more. Deep down he knew that he probably wasn’t made for an idol’s life, for the crowds, the schedule, the hectic nature of it all… But this dream was all he had.

Jisung couldn’t remember ever feeling adequate. He had always been smaller than his peers, always weaker. He had spent most of his childhood in a country where he hadn’t even spoken the language, where he had always been considered an outsider, always the odd one out. And even when he had presented as an Alpha none of it had changed. Back then, he had had all the hope in the world that maybe now his classmates would finally respect him even just a little bit. Just enough to treat him like a human being instead of a speck of dirt on their shoes.

But they hadn’t. Instead, they had laughed at him, they had called him a coward, they had called him weak, they had called him worse things. They had called him things that had left him feeling alone, lost and utterly broken. They had made sure that there was no doubt left in his mind that something must have gone wrong. Because how could he, Han Jisung, ever expect to be respected? How could he ever be considered dominant? How could he ever expect to be considered a true Alpha?

Music had been the only thing that had kept him hanging on during those times. He had always loved singing. He had always gone to writing lyrics when everything around him became too much. When he had found out about K-Pop he thought he had finally found his way out. He had figured that becoming a trainee in South Korea would mark a new beginning, that it would mean a fresh start. That, all the way over in Seoul, kids had no way of knowing what terrible things he had been called every single day of his life. So, he had packed up his things and had boarded a plane.  

He had arrived in Seoul with nothing but a suitcase and his determination. At fifteen, Jisung hadn’t known much about himself or the world. But he had known that he could sing, he had known that he could rap, he had known that he excelled when there was a spotlight on him. He had known that he had it in him to become an idol. So yes, maybe he wasn’t made for this life, but he would absolutely do everything in his power to make sure he would get to live it.

He turned around the last corner and… stopped. There, in front of his precious vending machine that had saved his life more than a few times over the past years, stood a stranger. A stranger that looked far from happy. Usually, Jisung would have been annoyed. Even more so than he had already been. He was fucking starving and admittedly kind of running late, and this was clearly inconveniencing him. But… well… The stranger had his full upper lip pushed forward in a sort of upside-down pout and his brows were extremely furrowed. His frustrated expression was… uhm… adorable. The whole scene even almost made Jisung giggle, despite how he had felt just a moment ago.

That machine could be particularly stubborn. Changbin even had a theory about how JYPE must have manipulated it to prevent their trainees from eating too much junk. And though Jisung didn’t really believe in that theory, he wondered what had gotten stuck inside this time.

By now, the stranger was shaking the machine with as much force as he could muster to try and get whatever it was he had paid for. It didn’t help at all. Jisung had known it wouldn’t before the guy had even tried. There was one trick and one trick only that worked. Normally, Jisung would have long pushed past whoever was trying to get their stuff and hit exactly the right spot at the side of the machine so that both of them could go on with their lives. But that day, something held him back.

Maybe it was the fact that this guy was… well… attractive to say the least. It wasn’t just trainees up here, there were also members of staff, managers, background dancers, producers, choreographers… But if this guy wasn’t training to be an idol, then everyone in this building needed a brand-new pair of eyes. He didn’t look like a trainee, he looked like a fucking superstar. An admittedly very pissed off superstar… but a superstar nonetheless.

Jisung was torn from his thoughts when the stranger decided to take a step back from the vending machine. For a moment Jisung thought he was going to give up. He was about to offer his help when the guy seemingly collected himself and then… placed a perfectly executed spinning kick against the machine.

Jisung’s jaw dropped. He had no idea how many people he had seen kick the machine during his days at JYPE. But never like this. He swallowed and wondered whether it was strange to think that it was kind of hot. Meanwhile, the stranger just hummed happily to himself and picked up the bag of chips that he had apparently finally managed to cause to drop.

However, when he stood back up, their eyes met and both of them turned scarlet. “That was sick.”, Jisung whispered, still embarrassed about being caught staring but also still incredibly intrigued. His words just caused the guy to blush even deeper. “Uh…”, he made and scratched the back of his head. Shit. He was so pretty. “Thanks?”

Neither of them said anything after that for a while. They just stood there, both glancing from their hands to each other and back again. But Jisung had other things on his mind than to start a conversation. This close, he could smell the stranger’s scent and… well… It was absolutely divine. Truth be told, Jisung had never quite gotten the hype about scents. To him, most Omegas smelled far too sweet and Alphas… well most Alphas just smelled like Alpha. But this guy?

To Jisung, the best way to describe his scent would be to say that it was perfectly balanced. It was sweet. A mix of vanilla and coffee if he had to guess. But it was different than the scents of the other Omegas he was usually around. Hyunjin’s cotton candy scent made Jisung’s teeth ache whenever he smelled it. And even Felix’s scent was too sickeningly sweet for Jisung’s taste. His contained notes of vanilla as well, but as opposed to this guy’s, it wasn’t balanced by the bitterness of the coffee. Instead, there was a heavy note of chocolate on top of it. Felix’s scent was like Hyunjin’s, sweet and nothing else. Meanwhile this… it was the kind of perfect mix of sweet and bitter that made Jisung’s mouth water a little.

In the end it was the stranger who broke the awkward silence. “I uh… I’m Lee Minho by the way… born… born in 1998 and I uh… I’m a trainee.”

Jisung just nodded dumbly. Minho… yeah that made sense. Of course, this guy would not only have the looks but also the name to be a star. It took him far too long to realize that Minho was probably waiting for Jisung to introduce himself as well. “Han Jisung.”, he mumbled. “And also a trainee and uh… younger than you.”

Jisung could feel his face burning. He should be better at this. He had met countless trainees over the years. Hell, usually he glared at them to scare them away from him and Chan and Changbin. But for Minho he just stared like a donkey would at a carrot out of reach, practically salivating and yet too dense to do much else.

“Did you uh… did you want anything?” Minho asked eventually, tearing him from his thoughts once more. “From the machine I mean.”

Jisung gulped. “Uh… yeah…” he stuttered. “Uh… thanks.”

While he walked past Minho towards the machine to punch in the familiar code to get his favourite treat, he thought about shooting his shot. He had never been big on flirting, far too self-conscious for it and far too scared to be turned down and made fun off. But there was something about Minho… not just his looks or his scent… There was also something about him that caused Jisung to inadvertently relax, at least a little bit… even if they hadn’t spoken more than a few words. Still, something about him made Jisung think that he wouldn’t laugh at him. That he didn’t think of him as inferior, as a loser. That he wouldn’t make him feel bad.

So, when his snack, predictably, got stuck as well. He didn’t punch the side of the machine like he usually would. Instead, he turned around to smile awkwardly at Minho who was still hovering while munching on his chips. He gathered all of his bravery. “Could… could you maybe help me with that?”.

The smile that spread across Minho’s face at those words instantly made Jisung’s momentary mortification more than worth it. It also seemed to do something to his knees and his stomach. And that just got worse when Minho handed him his bag of chips and performed the kick again. It was just as impressive the second time around.

“Thank you” Jisung whispered when they exchanged their snacks. And Minho was blushing again when he quietly mumbled: “Anytime.” They walked together until the end of the corridor where they had to part ways so Minho could head to vocal lessons and Jisung could catch Chan and Changbin in the studio. And, yeah, okay, maybe Jisung had found himself with the smallest of crushes for the very first time in his life.

***

Even though he was late, Jisung found only Changbin munching on instant ramen and playing around with some beats when he entered the studio a little later.

“There you are!”, he greeted him when he noticed Jisung slipping inside. “I thought you had managed to get lost again.”

And just that comment sufficed to have Jisung blush furiously once more. “It was one time!” he argued. “And you have to admit that every fucking floor looks the same!”

Changbin just laughed in response. “Chan texted that he has some kind of last-minute meeting with one of the producers downstairs.”, he said, put down the noodles and yawned. “He told me that we could get started without him.” He raised a brow. “But what were you doing if you didn’t get lost this time? You are late by like twenty minutes.”

Suddenly Jisung was glad that he had already been blushing before and really hoped that maybe the additional colour wouldn’t be as noticeable this way. “I uh… I met this guy at the vending machine” he mumbled. “I… I don’t know if you have met him already but he’s a trainee as well. Lee Minho.” Then, he grinned because there was no way Changbin wouldn’t appreciate the next bit. “He karate kicked the machine to get it to work.”

Changbin laughed again. “That’s fucking amazing” he said, with pure unadulterated joy written all over his face. “I wish I’d been there to see that.” He shook his head before his features turned into a thoughtful frown. “But actually, I think Felix and Hyunjin might have mentioned him? At least the name rings a bell. Does he have a dancing background?”

Jisung shrugged. “I didn’t ask.” It would definitely make sense for Felix and Hyunjin to have met Minho before them. Especially if he really had a dancing background. Afterall they were Omegas and dancers themselves as well. Maybe they even shared a dorm with him now.

Another fit of giggles from Changbin tore Jisung from his thoughts and caused him to raise a questioning brow. “It’s just…” the older rapper chuckled. “I just remembered that Felix was gushing about how the guy had a black belt in Taekwondo.” He grinned. “So, he’s definitely your guy if he kicked the machine.” Changbin shook his head. “Still doesn’t make it any less iconic.”

By now, Jisung was grinning as well. “Right?” he asked, almost giddy with the desire to gush about the Omega. “I swear I almost asked him on a date then and there.” The last part he said like a joke, even if he wasn’t even necessarily kidding. Him and Changbin didn’t have a relationship like that. Sure, they’d tease each other, they’d make jokes about dates and crushes, but they never actually talked about feelings. And Jisung very much liked it that way.

 “You should.”, Changbin chuckled. “Maybe he’d be able to get you to calm the fuck down.”

His comment had Jisung rolling his eyes. Normally, he would have tried to change topics, but that day, he really wanted to keep talking about Minho. At least a little more. “I didn’t know that he had a black belt in Taekwondo,” he said. “That’s impressive.”

Changbin shrugged and scooted back towards the table, but he nodded. “Yeah…” Unfortunately, his tone made it clear that he wasn’t really interested in talking about Minho’s potential past martial arts career. Still, he did take the time to look up and grin at Jisung. “That’s good news for you though. You like being protected.”

Four words. Four words was all it took to have Jisung’s stomach drop through the fucking floor. “You like being protected.” Shit. He felt caught. Exposed. Almost… almost violated. It wasn’t that Changbin was wrong. But Jisung was an Alpha. And Alphas very much were not supposed to feel that way. Alphas were supposed to be the strong ones, they were supposed to command any room they stepped into and strive to assert their dominance over everyone they met.

And yet, whenever Jisung stepped into a room, he usually just wanted to disappear. He had never had the urge to try and assert his dominance over anybody and… and… God, and if he was truly honest, he loved whenever he was in a room with Chan or now even with Changbin and they inadvertently took control. It was just small things, nuances that not everyone might even pick up on. But to Jisung, being in a room that was filled with nothing but the familiar scent of Chan or Changbin, gave him permission to relax. To him, it said: Don’t worry, I am here. I will take care of everything. You don’t have to protect yourself when you’re here.

He wasn’t supposed to feel that way. Not at all. On the contrary, he was supposed to step into a room full of another Alpha’s scent and inadvertently start pushing out his own to gain some sort of control of the situation, to assert himself. Only that Jisung had never reacted that way. Not ever.

But no one was meant to know that. Whenever Jisung found himself in that situation, he would pretend. He would consciously try to push out more of his own scent. He would consciously make an effort to seem normal. So, the thought that Changbin might know, might even just guess that Jisung “liked being protected”… It absolutely terrified him.

***

Later that night, Jisung was tossing and turning in his bed. He despised his dorm. He hated how crowded it was, how crammed, but mostly how it never seemed to stay quite the same. Trainees came and left and so did their voices, their stuff, their scents… The constant change prevented Jisung from ever truly finding any rest, from ever truly being able to let down his guard. He always felt vulnerable in his bunkbed, always exposed, always helpless. But that night, it was particularly bad.

Rationally, Jisung knew that Chan and Changbin were not equivalent to the rest of the trainees. That they had gotten closer to him over the years, no matter how much he had tried to keep them at a distance.

Chan had been the first person in JYPE to ever show true kindness to Jisung. They had started making music together and for Jisung it had become his escape from the world. Him and Chan still weren’t all that close, but they worked well together, and they could relax when the other was around. Back then, it had been the first time in Jisung’s life that he hadn’t felt entirely alone.

In the end, maybe it had been natural, that, when Seo Changbin had joined their company and Chan had gone on and on about how talented of a rapper he was and how much he wanted to have him on one of their songs, Jisung had become hostile. Suddenly, he had been terrified that Chan would see how much of a loser Jisung truly was. That he and “that new guy” would get along far better than he and Jisung ever could and that inevitably Jisung would end up alone again.

So, when one of the instructors told him and Changbin to compete in a rap battle, Jisung hadn’t held back. If the years of misery and bullying had taught him anything it was how to rip someone weaker into pieces. And Jisung had, winning the battle by a mile.

Yet, when they had been done, Changbin hadn’t run away. He hadn’t broken down into tears or quit. He had just walked right up to Jisung with an extended hand. “Congrats, man.”, he had said and had patted his back. “You’re one hell of a rapper for sure.”

The weeks that followed had taught Jisung that it was close to impossible to hate Seo Changbin, who was so hard-working and yet so supportive of everyone around him, who looked intimidating as hell and yet knew more girl group dances than most of the female trainees, who wasn’t afraid to roll his eyes at JYP himself and would stand up for anyone he believed needed someone to stand up for them.

In the end, Jisung hadn’t even really argued when Chan had invited Changbin into their studio. And, eventually, the three of them had even become “3RACHA” and published some songs as a group. By now, they were working in the studio almost daily.

So yeah, rationally, Jisung knew that just because Changbin could see right through the pathetic shell he tried to hide behind, that didn’t mean that all of them could. However, his brain simply refused to compute that fact properly. In that moment, that night, he was entirely convinced that everyone could see how weak and pathetic he truly was, how much of a joke of an Alpha.

His thoughts wondered back to Minho without his permission. To how the Omega had smiled shyly at him, how his lips had contorted into that cute upside-down pout, how he had placed that perfect kick against the machine. He tried to imagine him in a fight, how he would use that exact same kick to hold off any opponents. And just the thought alone had Jisung’s heart flutter again.

Because a part of Jisung, a part he despised deeply, truly did like the idea of being protected. That was the worst of it. A desperate, pathetic, perverse part of him actually loved the idea of having an Omega by his side who could – if push came to shove – protect the both of them. But that thought only hurt him even more. Because not only was there no way Minho would ever want an Alpha as pathetic as him… no one would. No one ever would.

***

The next day, Chan was humming when Jisung entered the studio. He often did that when he was focused, and it never failed to make Jisung smile. Even when he had barely slept the night before. For some reason, it made him feel as if he was seeing “the real Chan”, not the trainee that everyone was scared of because he had been there for God knows how long, or the guy who was rumoured to be one of the big JYPE producers’ son, but the Chan who was humming along harmlessly when he worked, the Chan who always had to fill the silence.

When Jisung had arrived in Seoul, he had had big hopes of finally escaping his shitty life. But he was still small for an Alpha, still weak and apparently, it didn’t matter where he went, the bullies followed. Sure, they might have had different faces and different names. Hell, they had even spoken a different language. But in the end, they had still been the same. They had still broken Jisung down until he hadn’t been able to hold himself together anymore, until his knees had buckled under all of the weight.

Only that, by then Jisung had been in Seoul, and he had had no home that he could run off to anymore. No childhood bedroom that he could close the door to and be alone. By then, Jisung had been surrounded by them day and night. And it truly had felt as if he couldn’t escape them, even though he had felt as if he was running all the time.

He had despised how that had become his life: running, hiding, crying. It was pathetic. So fucking pathetic. And yet, it had happened again and again.  On the day he had met Chan, he had been running through the corridors once more, trying to escape the guy that had made fun of him at lunch. As if escaping him would mean escaping all of the bullies. As if it meant finally being free from the constant teasing, the name-calling, the harassment. Fuck. Jisung had felt the tears already burning in his eyes. He just hadn’t been able to take it anymore. He had known he was on the verge of a breakdown… yet again.

His lungs had burned, and his side had hurt when he had finally arrived in the little studio that, over the last few weeks, had become his favourite hide-out. He had punched in the code that one of the producer-hyungs had given him, not because he felt like Jisung deserved it for his songwriting, but because he had felt bad for him, because he had pitied him. He had found Jisung crying his eyes out in the bathroom and had sighed deeply. ‘Take this’, the Hyung had said and had pressed a piece of paper into his hand. ‘No one ever uses it during the day.’ Jisung had felt sick at the memory.

He had slammed the door shut behind him and it had taken less than a second for him to break down into desperate sobs. He had felt so weak, so disgusting, so  pathetic . He had felt as if he was proving all of them right.

Jisung had no idea how long he just had sat there like that, curled in on himself and bawling his eyes out. But suddenly, he had heard the familiar beeping of the touchpad outside. His eyes had widened in panic. He had had no idea whether he was even officially allowed to be in this room. What if they kicked him out over this?

But when the door swung open with a bang, the person that came into view behind it hadn’t been a JYPE producer, or a manager or even one of Jisung’s countless bullies. No. It had been Chan.

Christopher “Chan” Bahng had already been a trainee for years at that point. He was an Alpha, older than most of them and incredibly talented. Most trainees thought of him as some kind of untouchable being. Because Chan rarely ever smiled. He rarely ever showed  any  emotion. He kept to himself, with his cards close to his chest and everyone else kept at an arm’s length.

Jisung had swallowed thickly. He had tried to stand up in order to bow but his legs gave out from underneath him, and he would have hit the floor, had Chan not darted forwards and caught him. That day, Chan had ended up hugging Jisung close to his chest and Jisung had allowed himself to let go and be gently enveloped by Chan’s soothing mix of wood and salt.

“They just feel threatened by you.”, Chan had eventually whispered and Jisung hadn’t been able to hold back a snort. He  really  didn’t think that that was true. “They do.” The older had insisted. “You’re really, really talented. More so than the bunch of them put together.” Chan had huffed. “They know they don’t stand a chance next to you, so they bully you in hopes of you just making it easy for them and giving up.” When Jisung had showed no reaction to his words, Chan had let out a deep sigh. “Do you know your scent?”

Jisung had nodded. While most people couldn’t smell themselves, he knew his scent all too well. He despised it. It felt as if it was mocking him. Smoke? Really? For someone like him? Hell, most of the time, Jisung was the most “Alpha”-smelling Alpha in a room…  Him!  It was laughable really.

“It suits you.”, Chan had said quietly. “When I first saw you, I thought about how I could practically  feel  the fire burning inside of you. That passion and that determination are what sets you apart.” He ruffled his hair. “Don’t let them dim your light.” He had smiled. “And visit me in this studio sometime, not just when you need a place to cry. I’ve seen your lyrics. I bet we could cook something up.”

After that day, Jisung had started to stick to Chan’s side and the mere presence of the older had seemed to be enough to make the bullies let up. But that hadn’t meant that Jisung was finally,  finally  able to let his guard down and relax. On the contrary, the years that followed had made him despise himself even more. He had started putting on an arrogant front, actively looking for fights with people and pushing everyone as far away as possible. And he had hated that version of himself. Yet, life had taught him that it was the only version that seemed to keep the bullies at bay.

“Oh Jisung!” Chan now greeted him and turned around in his old office chair. “Sorry for making you come in today before practice, but I had this idea for the bridge on the song you gave me yesterday and I really wanted to try it out…” He went on to explain the concept in more detail and with unwavering enthusiasm. And Jisung smiled while he went to stand behind the mic. He was tired and the night before had kicked his ass. It had left him feeling like absolute shit.

But in that moment, Minho or any other Omega in the world didn’t matter. In that moment, it didn’t matter that none of them would ever find Jisung remotely attractive and that he would die alone. In that moment, all that mattered was Chan’s passion and Jisung’s voice and the fact that they had a shot. A real shot at a better life if nothing else.

Chapter Text

It took almost an entire week for Jisung to somewhat sleep normally again. During that time, he didn’t catch as much as another glimpse of the fierce Omega, and he distracted himself to the best of his abilities by working on music as much as he could. And it worked… fine. Until one day, when it didn’t anymore. One day, him and the guys were in the practise room and a member of staff walked in, with five new trainees in tow. There were two girls, two guys and… and Minho.

“This is the project group that Bang Chan here has created” the staff member explained and Jisung watched as Chan got up and walked over to the group to politely introduce himself. This procedure wasn’t anything new or noteworthy. It happened every day, sometimes multiple times a day, new trainees coming in, introducing themselves and then leaving to go to the next room over. So yeah, maybe it wasn’t a surprise that nobody paid any attention when a short girl with dimples stepped forwards from the group to shake Chan’s hand.

Jisung could tell that she introduced herself, but Hyunjin was shrieking too loudly about something in the far corner of the room for him to catch her name. It wasn’t like Jisung cared. He never cared about the new trainees… not until Chan brought them up and Jisung knew that they might become a real threat… or well, at least a real factor in his life. But that day, Jisung wanted to punch Hyunjin’s stupid face for shrieking. It was just fucking rude, wasn’t it? God, he actually wanted to shout at all of them to just calm the fuck down.

He had never been quite this embarrassed about his group. Felix and Jeongin were imitating Fortnite dances, Changbin was flexing his muscles and Hyunjin was pretending to faint at the sight of them. These newcomers and well… Minho would think that they were a hoard of monkeys.

He tried to catch the Omega’s eye, but Minho was too busy shaking Chan’s hand. He was so fucking pretty. Honestly, even prettier than Jisung remembered. How he had even managed to say as much as a word in his presence was beyond him. How could someone look like that? It was actually unfair!

Jisung yelped as something sharp hit his side. He felt his face start to burn and was suddenly grateful for the mess around him that had maybe, hopefully drowned his undignified sound out. He looked up to glare at Seungmin, who was looking far too smug, holding the key to his locker and wearing a shit eating grin. “Distracted much, Han?” he teased and raised a brow, causing Jisung to almost jump in his face. Kim Seungmin had been one of the only additions to Chan’s “team” that Jisung hadn’t immediately wanted to kill. However, that day, he very much wanted to murder him brutally.

He scoffed and turned away. Just to find Minho now finally looking at him. Which in turn caused Jisung to choke on nothing and turn bright red while he began desperately gasping for air. Seungmin laughed loudly, and with absolutely no subtlety at all. But he patted Jisung’s back until he could breathe once more.

When Jisung finally managed to look up again, the group of newcomers had already left, undoubtedly introducing themselves in the next room as well. And Jisung had to swallow down a whole boat load of disappointment and shame when Chan called them all back into formation.

For the rest of the day, Jisung didn’t think about the Omega at all… except for maybe once or twice. Or maybe the entire fucking time. Ugh. How could someone just be so… so like… well… perfect? How dare this guy just show up in Jisung’s life and turn everything on its fucking head? He buried his face in his hands and groaned when he heard that familiar snickering next to him again.

“What do you want, Seungmin?” he whined but that just caused the singer to laugh harder.

“I thought you might appreciate some information on the new trainees?” he said, in a far too innocent tone for the smirk he was still wearing. “I may or may not be able to help you.” He grinned. “You just have to tell me who you want to know more about.”

Jisung fought the urge to punch the other Alpha. He knew that they both knew who Jisung wanted more info on. Seungmin just wanted to humiliate him by having him say it. And Jisung didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. But… well… he also wasn’t going to pass up on the opportunity to maybe get some more information about the captivating Omega. So, eventually, he settled on rolling his eyes while mumbling: “The pretty one of course.”

It wasn’t a real reply and the fact that Seungmin accepted it confirmed each of Jisung’s suspicions that he had already known who Jisung had meant from the beginning. The amused smile that played around the Alpha’s lips almost caused Jisung to throw hands. But then Seungmin shrugged and turned away.

“That’s Lee Minho” he said matter-of-factly, already walking down the corridor and infuriating Jisung even further because well, yes that much he already knew and if he wasn’t going to get any more information and had gone through all of that embarrassment for nothing… But then Seungmin continued: “He’s a dancer. Rumour has it that he has toured with BTS.”

Jisung scoffed because, yeah right, and he used to write for Eminem, but still ran after Seungmin to ask him about everything else there was possibly to know. Apparently, he was born in Gimpo, had learned how to dance at Souldance and had participated in "World of Dance" in 2016 with his crew "Cupcakes". Of course Jisung had no way of verifying any of that information and if he was being honest, he didn’t exactly know how much he could trust Seungmin on any of it. On top of that, the singer smiled far too knowingly at his questions. And so, eventually Jisung gave up and decided to just find out more through… observation.

However, that turned out to be a lot harder than he had imagined, since he never saw Minho outside of dance practise. Which was logical considering that the guy had literally just joined and probably took beginner lessons in everything, but it was also still somewhat disappointing… because it left Jisung with little to no info on the guy. It was disappointing because Jisung was naturally curious. Obviously. Okay, maybe also because of his face… and like the way he danced…

When they had dance practise together, Minho always appeared calm and collected. His dancing was powerful and his technique incredibly clean, but he didn’t draw eyes to him in the same way that Hyunjin did when he was performing. He didn’t push himself to the foreground. He just did his job, and he did it better than anyone else in the room. Maybe it was the background dancer in him or maybe that was just his personality. Whatever it was, it drew Jisung towards him. Minho was quiet, reserved… but he didn’t come off as shy. He seemed extremely sure in himself and his abilities. He had a peace about him that Jisung envied.

Jisung had never had anything close to even being possibly considered a “love life”. He had had other things to worry about, surviving for one. But whenever he had imagined what it would feel like to have a crush on someone, he had supposed that it would feel nice. He had pictured himself smiling whenever he thought of that person. He had imagined butterflies, nervous excitement, wonderful daydreams… What he hadn’t anticipated was it feeling like… well… like this.

It was torture. It truly was. Jisung just could not fucking stop thinking about Minho. Not just when he was writing love songs in the studio or when he was in practice with him… No. He thought about the Omega when he was in the shower stealing Changbin’s toiletries and wondering what scent of shower gel Minho might prefer. He thought of him when he was being yelled at by a manager for ‘forgetting’ media training and caught himself wondering whether Minho disliked it as much as he did. Hell, he had even once thought about him while he was sitting on the toilet because he had asked himself whether Minho hated the new toilet paper too.

His crush on the Omega that he had barely even talked to was slowly growing more and more all-consuming and it seriously started to worry Jisung. He had watched Changbin go on dates and had been subjected to far too much conversation of his ever-changing dorm mates about which Omega they liked the most recently. And yet none of what he had ever seen or heard had indicated that having a crush would cause you to feel this useless.

Whenever Minho was around, Jisung was focused on nothing but holding himself together. During their dance practices, he was on his best behaviour, always on time, not missing a step, hell - he wasn’t even fighting with Hyunjin. And sure, maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. But whenever Minho wasn’t around, Jisung just felt as if he was falling apart… even more than he usually did.

Jisung couldn’t remember a time when he had known what true happiness felt like. His life had failed him on so many levels up until this point. But over the last few years, he had managed to somehow pave himself a way forward. He had somehow managed to construct a somewhat solid foundation on which he might actually be able to build something like a life that might even be worth it. But then Minho had shown up, grabbed it and had started shaking it as hard as he could. And Jisung was left whimpering in a corner, praying that it wouldn’t all fall apart and expose him for how weak he truly was.

***

When Jisung entered the familiar dance studio, he was already done with life again. He had bought an iced americano to sustain him through three hours of what was sure to be a gruelling practice with their project group, but he had already finished it on his way there. So now all that he was left with was a half empty bottle of water as well as maybe one sip of what was certainly more melted ice cube than coffee. Wonderful.

What he didn’t expect however was to be met with far too familiar eyes as soon as he had indignantly pushed open the door. “Hyung?!”

Minho laughed. And wow, Jisung’s stomach went crazy at the sound. Minho was by now a usual part of their “regular” dance practices that they all still had together with all of the other trainees in their division. However, that day, they were supposed to have practice with just the seven of them. Or at least that was what Chan had told Jisung. So, what was Minho doing there?

 “Hi to you too” Minho replied, still grinning. He seemed highly amused at Jisung’s confused expression, but luckily, still didn’t leave him wondering for long. “Chan asked me to help you out with some choreo today.”

“Me?” Jisung was completely taken aback. Chan had told him it would be a group practice! Had Chan lied? Jisung’s stomach sank. Was Chan onto him? Oh God, had Changbin told him about the embarrassing conversation they had had in the studio? Had Seungmin let something slip? Had Chan tricked Jisung into being alone with Minho?! Suddenly Jisung felt nauseous. He was absolutely mortified.

Minho however just giggled. “I mean, yeah - if you need help,” he said and smiled. “But I think he meant the entire group.”

Jisung was sure that he had never felt a more confusion mix of emotions than in that exact moment. He was at the same time more than just a little relieved that Chan hadn’t actually tried to get him to be alone in the studio with his crush for three hours. But at the same time… three hours alone with Minho didn’t sound too bad…

“Well?” Minho asked and interrupted Jisung’s spiralling thoughts. “Is there anything you’re struggling with?” He quirked an eyebrow up and apparently that was all it took for Jisung’s heart to simply abandon his body and jump out of his chest.

“I uh…” he began, extremely unsure of where to even start. They were training the choreo of “Blood, Sweat and Tears” by BTS. He was supposed to dance Suga’s part. And, if he was truly honest, he kind of struggled with the whole thing. He definitely wasn’t about to say that though.

Instead, he tried to think of something that might have an easy fix and where he wouldn’t just make an absolute mess of shaky limbs if Minho tried to help him. “There’s…” he began hesitantly. “There is a part where I have to dance while kneeling kinda?” He scratched his head. “And honestly? I don’t even know if I am technically doing anything wrong. I just kind of feel extremely idiotic doing it.”

Minho giggled a little at that. “Ah… yeah. I think I know which part you’re talking about. You’re dancing Suga-Sunbaenim’s part, right?”

Jisung gulped but managed to nod. Minho had just fucking dropped to his knees. And yeah, maybe Jisung should have anticipated that but still! How was he supposed to be normal about this?

To make matters, much, much worse for Jisung, Minho then started moving and… well… he definitely didn’t look idiotic doing it. Suddenly Jisung wasn’t sure that the sweatpants he had thrown on had been the best move.

Luckily, he was relieved from his own personal mix of heaven and hell rather quickly when Minho got up and smiled to himself. “That’s the part, right?” A faint blush was creeping up his cheeks and Jisung… Jisung wanted to bite into them. Okay, maybe he needed to get a grip on himself. He nodded. “Yeah, I uh… I think that really helped.”

Right. Jisung was just going to go throw himself out of a window then. But Minho just giggled. “Sure” he said and then raised his brows and… oh no. “Do you want to try now?”

To Jisung it was as if the very ground underneath his feet had disappeared. Fuck. There was no way this wasn’t going to be absolutely humiliating. Instinctively, he looked around the room, though he didn’t even know whether he was hoping to make out a possible escape route or whether he just hoped to find some kind of distraction. Where were the others anyways? He hadn’t been that early. And Minho had said that this was supposed to be a group practice. And… and…

“So?” Minho gave Jisung an encouraging smile. “I won’t judge you or laugh at you or anything if that’s what you are worried about.”

‘You say that now…’ Jisung thought bitterly but he bit his lips and… well… dropped to his knees.

What followed was nothing but pure torture. Jisung tried his best to dance as well as possible while Minho was scrutinizing every one of his movements and gave him directions on what to improve, sometimes while putting his hands somewhere on Jisung’s body to help him find his movements and occasionally demonstrating body rolls. All while Jisung was eye-level with his crotch. And yeah, how Jisung was still breathing by the end of it would forever remain a mystery.

And to make all of it even worse, none other than Hyunjin then barged into the practice room right when Minho had stepped in front of Jisung to explain something. “What the fuck?” he shrieked as soon as he had entered. “What are you doing?!”

Jisung was on his feet within seconds. “I… we…” He began to stutter, painfully aware that his panic just made them seem infinitely more suspicious.

Luckily, however, Minho didn’t seem nearly as affected by being caught with his back to the door and Jisung kneeling in front of him as Jisung was. “Calm down Jinnie,” he just casually reassured. “We are literally just practicing the dance.” He rolled his eyes. “Want me to help you with anything as well?”

Something formed in Jisung’s stomach at those words. Something ugly and aggressive. With a jolt he realised that it was envy. Jisung had had more than enough experience with the feeling to recognize it instantly. He knew what it was like to want something that someone else had, to long for it desperately. Especially… especially when that other someone was Hwang Hyunjin.

It had taken Jisung long enough to make peace with the fact that Changbin had joined his and Chan’s little (then unofficial) group. Long enough to convince himself that it didn’t mean that Chan would turn his attention elsewhere and that Jisung would be left alone in the dirt again. And it had taken even longer, when just a few weeks later, Chan had introduced them to Jeongin, who wasn’t that much younger than Jisung but still unpresented.

Jisung had immediately been afraid again. Because he was still unpresented, everyone treated Jeongin like a pup. And Jisung had found himself trying to make sure Chan and Changbin still paid sufficient attention to him, while also making sure Jeongin knew not to fuck with him. It had made him feel like a dickhead and it had been fucking exhausting. But Jisung hadn’t known how else to ensure his survival.

Seungmin, who Chan had introduced just a little later, had only made Jisung feel threatened because he was so obviously the better singer. The other Alpha didn’t seem to want any amount of attention from Chan or frankly anybody. He was fiercely independent and Jisung actually got along with him alright.

But then fucking Hwang Hyunjin, who was going to be the cause of Jisung’s demise into madness one day, had come along and angry Jisung had been back in full swing. Not counting unpresented Jeongin who everyone agreed would probably be an Alpha one day, Hyunjin had been the first non-Alpha to join their little group, and the differing dynamic had been obvious instantly. Technically, he should have felt like less of a threat to Jisung. But the opposite had been… and still was true. Changbin had been all over the Omega from day one and even Chan had treated him noticeably different. Hyunjin got more amenities. Everyone was always asking him if he was comfortable, if he was alright. Even though he never gave as much as a hunch that would indicate he wasn’t.

And yeah, Jisung had found himself being extremely envious and feeling very fucking threatened. Which of course hadn’t made his self-hatred any fucking better. Jisung knew that he had issues. But he didn’t know how to deal with them. So, what did he do? He lashed out. He sought out fights with the Omega. He made his life as hard as he possibly could. Did it make him feel better? Not at all. Some nights, he had gone to bed wondering why anyone would ever want to keep him around. But he couldn’t help it.

To make matters even worse, Jisung had later found out that Chan hadn’t even hand selected Hyunjin the way he had for Changbin, Jeongin and Seungmin. No. Fucking Hwang Hyunjin had asked to be in the group. He had basically pushed himself onto them. He didn’t even deserve to be there. Not that Jisung did. Afterall, Chan also hadn’t exactly chosen Jisung because of his talent. But there was clearly just space for one imposter in the group and that had to be Jisung. It just had to be.

However, it had been quite some time since Jisung had last found himself as angry at Hyunjin as he was in that moment. And he didn’t even really know why. Was it just the fact that Minho’s attention was now on the Omega? Was it the fact that Minho had called him “Jinnie” and thereby suggested that they were close?

Was he seriously jealous? At this? Minho wasn’t his, not even close… and why would Hyunjin, an Omega, pose a threat to Jisung for Minho’s interest at all? Was Jisung really that insane? He huffed and turned away from the dancers to take a sip from his water. This was getting more and more out of hand.

.

***

Luckily, it wasn’t long until the other members arrived, and the practice really started. It took them about an hour just to get the first 20 seconds of the song down. But Minho was an extremely patient teacher, explaining the foot work over and over again and pointing out even the smallest details so they could improve on them.  

When they took their first break, Jisung actually felt quite happy about himself. However, far too soon he was flushed bright red again. He had never noticed just how sexual the dance truly was. And yup, he would very much die if he had to watch Minho thrust his hips into the air while covering his eyes and letting his head fall back just one more time.

On top of that, Jisung had to deal with the fact that, every time Minho walked to one of the other members and explained something to them, or - even worse - stood behind them to guide them through the movements, he had to fight the urge to scream. He wanted nothing more than to ensure that the Omega’s attention was on him and him alone. Although… admittedly… having the dancer’s attention on him alone wasn’t exactly a great experience either. Especially not when Jisung laid to Minho’s feet and was asked to thrust his hips up into the air towards him. Yeah… no thank you. Hell, there was even a part where Jisung had to basically choke Felix.

When it came to that part of the song, Jisung put his fingers on the Omega’s throat for what had to be less than a millisecond before Minho already stopped the music and made his way over to them. “You are doing it too hesitantly,” he smiled and… God, and then placed his own fingers on top of Jisung’s, on top of Felix’s fucking throat. “You need to look like you want this.”

Jisung made an embarrassingly high-pitched sound at that but luckily, no one seemed to really be watching them. Well, no one except for Chan. But Chan usually watched when Felix was involved.

Felix had been the latest addition to their little team and from the first day it had been clear that Chan absolutely adored him. And Felix had adored him right back. Of course, it had caused Jisung to snap at him whenever he could. He had been fucking terrified that the young Australian would take Chan away from him. That he would be too busy looking after the Omega to make sure Jisung was okay. And yet, every time he had succeeded in making Felix cry, Jisung had gone to bed sobbing quietly himself. The Omega was an absolute angel and Jisung… Jisung just hated himself so much.

“Chan?” Minho seemed to have noticed the intense stare from across the room as well. “Everything alright?” Slowly and carefully, he removed his own hand from the Omega’s throat and took Jisung’s hand with him as well. He suddenly seemed tense and Jisung swallowed thickly when he realised why.

Minho didn’t know them that well yet. And still, he could tell that there was something going on between Felix and Chan. The realisation hit Jisung like a truck: Minho was scared that he had crossed a line. He recognized the protectiveness in Chan and couldn’t know what it meant. So, in reaction to it, he pulled Jisung against himself, in an effort to show Chan that neither of them posed a threat to Felix.

“Why would I not be alright?” Chan sounded genuinely confused. And Jisung knew that he probably truly didn’t realise which impression he had caused. Meanwhile, Minho had taken a step forward and subtly but unmistakably put himself between Jisung and Chan and… well… it did things to Jisung.

Jisung knew that Felix loved it whenever Chan got protective of him. He saw it even now, in the glint of the Omega’s eyes. However, in that moment, for the first time… Jisung truly understood why. Jisung liked being protected, sure. But so far, that had only been for the sake of relaxation. Just so he felt able to let down his guard a little… But this? The way Minho had put himself between Jisung and what he had identified as a potential source of danger? Without any hesitation? Well…

***

In all honesty, Jisung wasn’t exactly surprised when, just a few days later Chan came into their studio and told him and Changbin that he wanted Minho to join the team. He had almost expected it. Minho had joined their practice twice more that week, everyone got along great with him and there was no doubt that he was an amazing dancer. He was also an Omega, which would help to establish a little more balance in the team.

What did surprise Jisung however was Changbin’s reaction. “Are you sure?” he said and there was real worry on his face that Jisung hadn’t anticipated.

Chan just shrugged. “He’s good. He taught Felix some Korean. He stayed behind after four hours of practice to help Jeongin and Seungmin with their choreo. Hell, even Jisung accepts constructive criticism from him. He’s a good fit for our team.”

While Jisung determinedly ignored the jab at his ability to accept feedback, Changbin didn’t seem swayed. “He has been training for what, like a month?”

“You were in this studio a lot quicker than that,” Chan calmly replied. “So, what is this really about?”

Jisung frowned. He very much felt as if he was missing something. Especially when Changbin swallowed thickly and then glanced at him before quickly looking back up at Chan. “I… I’m just a little worried about…” He sighed. “We’ll be five Alphas,” he said. “Six if Jeongin also presents as one and…”

“Huh?!” Jisung couldn’t help himself. It was as if someone had dropped a bucket full of ice-cold water right over his head. No. No. There was no way. “Minho is an Omega though?” He asked, looking at Chan through his slowly rising panic, desperately searching for reassurance in the familiar, brown eyes. “He… He smells sweet?” His words sounded desperate even in his own ears.

Chan looked to his feet. Which… did not reassure Jisung in the slightest. Meanwhile, Changbin turned around and looked at him in utter confusion. “I’m pretty sure he’s an Alpha,” he said and cocked his head to the side. “I mean… He definitely smells like one to me. I guess… I mean I guess you could say that his scent is kind of sweet but like…” He grimaced. “To me it’s mostly just bitter.”

Suddenly, Jisung found his heart racing and his hands trembling. His ears were ringing while he nodded mechanically. Because Jisung was fucking panicking. No! Was the only thing that was on his mind. No! No! No! No! No! Because this couldn’t be happening!

Jisung couldn’t remember ever feeling adequate. He had always been smaller than his peers, always weaker. He had always been alienated. He had always been made fun off. He had struggled with his perception of himself for as long as he could remember. Never feeling like a true Alpha. Never feeling like he was deserving of that “title”.

Looking back on his life, Jisung could recognize that he had never found any scent of an Omega truly appealing. But he had never spent much thought on it. He had always been too wrapped up in his own head for it. He had always been too absorbed in trying to make sure he would never ever end up where he had been. Never again at the bottom of the hierarchy.

And yet, here he was, attracted to another Alpha. He was proving all of them right, once again. He was weak. He was not a real Alpha. He was worthless.

Chapter Text

It was as if all of Jisung’s worst nightmares had finally come to pass. He was numb. He was shaking. He was so, so fucking terrified. He barely registered that Chan wasn’t swayed by Changbin’s worries and that Minho would actually make the team. But Jisung knew that there was no way this would have a happy ending for him.

He was afraid that having six Alphas in a group of eight would inevitably lead to power struggles. He was afraid that it would cause tension in the group, that everybody would try to assert themselves over the other. If Jisung was truly honest, he was afraid that he would end up at the bottom of the hierarchy once more. That they would treat him as less than because he was the weakest of the bunch, or well….

The knife in his chest twisted. Because Jisung wasn’t even physically weaker than for example Seungmin, he was just more… well, more submissive. Deep down Jisung had always loved being taken care of, he craved it. Here, at JYPE he deprived himself of it completely. And it made him more miserable with every passing day. Jisung liked being protected more than being the protector himself. He always had. And while he did his damn best to hide it… it was just his nature, and he was scared that, eventually, it would come out and all of the bullying would start all over again. Only that this time, the bullies would be people like Chan, Changbin and Felix, people he cared about.

And now, on top of that, there was the fact that the first person Jisung had ever had a crush on, was apparently an Alpha. Actually, not just apparently. Deep down, Jisung had known. Or well, he had forbidden himself from thinking about it. But when Changbin had said it, he hadn’t felt surprised. Not truly. Deep down, he had known all along. Deep down, he knew that it made so much sense.

But that didn’t mean it hurt any less. That didn’t make it any less terrifying. Jisung had a crush on an Alpha. A really bad crush. And one that at least Changbin and Seungmin knew about. Suddenly Jisung wanted to throw up. He had never been quite this scared in his life. He hated himself for making that joke about wanting to ask him out after the spinning kick. And he hated himself even more for not even really kidding when he had said it. He hated himself for being so obvious in front of Seungmin. And he hated himself even more for running to ask him about Minho afterwards.

He wondered whether they would tell Chan… or even worse the managers. He could picture it clearly, without even having to try super hard. He could easily imagine Changbin staying behind after one of their recording sessions, how he would go up to Chan and how he would tell him that Jisung had indicated romantic interest in Minho, even if before he knew he wasn’t an Omega. Changbin and Chan were both the types of Alphas who would always put the group’s wellbeing above that of a singular person… maybe with the exception of the Omegas… But if they thought that having Jisung on the team was too much of a liability, they certainly wouldn’t hesitate to make sure he couldn’t pose that danger anymore…

Seungmin Jisung didn’t really know as well. But he knew that the singer was ambitious, extremely so. And he knew that their industry was as cut-throat as they got. If Seungmin wanted to increase his chances of debuting, making sure Jisung got cut would certainly not be the worst move. He swallowed thickly. Fuck.

***

Minho had apparently immediately agreed when Chan had asked him to be on the team. It was a Tuesday like any other… or well it would have been, had Chan not told all of them to meet in the practise room at 10 to officially welcome the dancer. It would have been a Tuesday like any other if Jisung’s stomach hadn’t been trying to evict itself from his body all morning.

He hadn’t slept. He felt dead on his feet. And yet his heart was racing as if it was trying to hurl itself out of his chest. He had successfully avoided the older Alpha since Changbin had burned his world to the ground with just a few innocent words. Sleepless nights tossing and turning in his bed had made him come to the conclusion that over the course of his life, he had never been particularly interested in anyone and especially not in Alphas. It had only been Minho who had made him react in that perverse way. So… if he wanted to keep the extend of his pathetic nature hidden from everybody… the most logical thing to do was to avoid the dancer like the fucking plague… right?

Ironically, his short-lived obsession with Minho made it embarrassingly easy for him to ensure they never crossed paths. He knew his schedule, he knew which dance practises to avoid, he knew at which vending machine Minho got his snacks. And for at least a couple of days, it had been working kind of well. Jisung had been able to throw himself into work headfirst and make sure he was so stressed out at all times that he didn’t have time to think about anything or anyone else. He had made up bullshit excuses to miss the dance practises he and Minho had together. He had even managed to inconspicuously send Changbin to get his snacks from the vending machine whenever he got hungry during a session.

But now… Now he was scared shitless for countless fucking reasons. What if he saw Minho and threw up? What if he saw him and immediately had a panic attack? What if he saw him and his body decided to let out enticing pheromones that everyone would notice?

Truly, it felt as if he had gone through every single horror scenario in his mind of how this might play out. What he however hadn’t expected was for the chaos that had been raging in him since the last time he had seen Minho… for that chaos to calm as soon as they met each other’s eyes. He hadn’t expected relief to be flooding his system. He hadn’t expected another tiny voice inside his head, one that had been there since Changbin’s words but that had been mostly drowned out by every siren going off in Jisung’s mind, to suddenly take the forefront. He hadn’t expected that small little voice to softly tell him: See? It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?

A small part of him suddenly took every little one of his insecurities, the yearning to be cared for, the wish to be protected, the need to feel loved… and showed him a place, an option where he could maybe, potentially get all of it. The little voice inside his mind suddenly told him that maybe, maybe being with another Alpha, being with someone like Minho, that maybe that could mean that he would get the opportunity to be given the tender attention he so craved, to feel as if someone was protective over him out of love not pity…

When Jisung met those beautiful eyes again, suddenly, it felt like so much finally, finally made sense. 

Jisung almost curled up at the pain that this thought caused him. Years and years of suffering had taught him that there was just one thing that hurt worse than any pain in the universe. And that was the feeling of expecting something to be good, to be healing, to finally rescue him… just for it to turn into flames and take everything away from him again.

He was far too familiar with the fluttery feeling inside his chest that others might call hope, to confuse it with something positive. Having hope had never served him well. It had always just destroyed him further. The hope that the kids from school would treat him better after his presentation, the hope that in Korea everything would be better… What had it given him but just more excruciating pain? Truly, Jisung had no place for hope. He had to focus on his determination, on his stubborn conviction that he would succeed as an Idol. And his… his thoughts about Minho could have no part in that.

So, in that moment, Jisung decided that he would do his damn best to just ignore the new addition to their team entirely. That that was the safest option. Maybe the only viable one. But Minho didn’t make it easy for him.

Even on that first day, in that first dance practise, he would catch him staring every so often… through the mirror, across the room, wherever they were. It was… well, it should have been creepy. But Jisung just felt a pleasant shiver run through his body every time he noticed it. Something, a part of what was broken inside of Jisung, basked in the attention the older Alpha gave him. It satisfied the perversity in him that wanted to be looked after and cared for. And it all served to made Jisung sick to his stomach and hate himself even more.

***

He practically bolted from the room as soon as Chan declared dance practice to be over, even ignoring Hyunjin’s slights and resisting the urge to scream at him. He wanted to cry but once again, he didn’t. Instead, he just ran to the studio and started scribbling lyrics until his wrist hurt.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, when someone knocked on the door and Chan stuck his head inside. Jisung supressed a groan and instead forced himself to give Chan a small smile. “Joining me?” he asked and winced when he heard just how broken his voice sounded.

Chan just shook his head. “I brought some Jjajangmyeon,” he said quietly and carefully put the bag of take-away on the desk next to Jisung’s pages and pages of heartbreak. Jisung hated himself even more when he saw the worried expression on his leader’s face. “I’m good.”, he mumbled, and Chan nodded. Jisung knew that he didn’t believe a word he was saying.

“I…” Chan began and Jisung’s stomach twisted itself in knots. He really, really hoped Chan hadn’t also picked up on his… his… well, his feelings towards Minho or that Changbin hadn’t already talked to him about it.

Having an Alpha like Jisung on your team was already enough of a liability. Jisung was already weak, laughable, … fucking pathetic. Idol groups didn’t include Alphas like Jisung. Nope. They were made up of Alphas build of muscle, with strong features and handsome looks. Alphas that their Omega fans could fantasize about. Alphas like Chan or Changbin. Alphas like what Jeongin would certainly become once he presented. Alphas that were as commanding and confident as Seungmin. More modern idol groups would include Omegas as well, beautiful ones like Felix and Hyunjin who turned heads and broke hearts wherever they went. But where did Jisung fit in this?

The answer was as simple as it was painfully obvious: He didn’t.

He had never belonged, and he would never not be the odd one out. Something was fundamentally wrong with him. And yes, maybe he could hide it for a couple more years but eventually… eventually he would get found out. And then everyone would leave him again.

But Chan didn’t tell him that he was kicked out of the group. “I care for you,” he said instead. “I… I just hope that you know that.”

And Jisung just nodded. He couldn’t manage anything else.

When Chan had left, Jisung was alone for what couldn’t have been more than an hour before someone knocked once more. He fully expected Changbin to come through the door when he answered but no, it was Jeongin who hesitantly walked in.

“Hi,” he began quietly, carefully and Jisung bit his lips. He and Jeongin weren’t close at all. In all honesty, Jisung had spent most of their shared time in the group attempting to push him away. So, what was he doing here now? “I… I hope I’m not like interrupting you or anything,” he stuttered. “I… I didn’t want to bother you… I just…”

Jisung had to supress another groan. He wanted to get up and scream at Jeongin, to tell him that he was very much not in the mood to chat, to leave him the fuck alone, to go bother Chan with his problems. But he pulled himself together. He knew he would regret it, if he let out his frustration on Jeongin.

“The… the song you wrote last week,” Jeongin continued hesitantly. “Or well… that you gave us last week… I don’t actually know when you wrote it… I… I wanted to ask whether… I kind of… I tried to come up with some choreography for it. But I…”

“I’m not a dancer,” Jisung said, interrupting him. “If you want feedback on your choreo, you should ask Hyunjin or Felix.” Or Minho, he added silently and winced inadvertently.

“Oh… oh-okay.” Jeongin had turned a nasty shade of purple. Jisung still didn’t know what he was even doing here. “I… I just thought maybe… because it’s your song, you would want to uh… see it as well?”

This time Jisung actually groaned. “Jeongin look,” he said, and he knew that his voice was dripping with exasperation. He couldn’t get himself to feel bad about it. “I don’t have time right now, okay? If you want to get feedback on your choreo, ask one of the dancers. I need to get back to work now.”

***

Somehow Jisung managed to get through the weeks that followed. Even though everything in him seemed to be in a constant state of chaos and agony. By this point, it had become undeniable that Minho had a soft spot for him. Jisung could tell that he treated him gentler than he treated for example Hyunjin, despite their secondary genders. Jisung knew that Changbin or Seungmin certainly didn’t get the privilege of a calm and patient explanation if they messed up a dance move that they should have long known. He knew that Chan had never been passed a water bottle that had already been opened for him when he collapsed next to the couch in the practice room. But what Jisung could absolutely not wrap his mind around was the… well, the why.

Why was Minho being so attentive to him? Why was he being so kind? Why was he going out of his way to make him feel better? And why could he not see that it just made it all so much worse?

Still, Jisung was grateful for him trying and he even made an effort to show his appreciation through shy smiles or whispered “thanks”. But the self-hatred prevented him from doing much more. Whenever Minho approached him to ask whether he wanted to join them for dinner, he made up an excuse as to why he couldn’t come. Whenever Minho came to the studio to record, Jisung would leave under the pretence of some lesson he didn’t have. Whenever Minho gave him the attention he so desperately craved, the hatred inside of Jisung would grow. And it would eat him alive.

It was during that time, that his sleeping problems really started. Jisung had never been an easy sleeper. His mother loved to talk about how he had never wanted to go to bed, even as a baby. And it had gotten increasingly bad just after he had become a trainee at JYPE, when he had been alone and had simply felt too stressed and anxious to sleep. But it had never been quite as bad as it was now.

Now, Jisung spent his nights either tossing and turning and hating himself or in the studio working frantically to keep his mind from wandering. Because whenever he had as much as a moment alone with his thoughts, he would be unable to stop thinking about what Minho’s behaviour could possibly mean. He despised himself for hoping that it was because of something positive, that there was simply something about him that made the dancer want to pay attention to him. He despised himself for feeding the greedy thing with feathers in his chest, that most dangerous thing called hope.

Really, it was bound to happen. It would have simply been naïve to think otherwise. Jisung had never been good at managing his emotions. He had always been one to lash out, even at people that he cared for, even at people that he wanted to protect. And he had been stressed out for weeks, he hadn’t been sleeping, he wasn’t eating right… of course it would happen eventually.

When it did, he hadn’t really slept for a week. It was at the end of one of the most stressful days of his life. At the end of a day, during which they had had practise for hours, then a rehearsal which Jisung had completely flunked despite actually having the rap prepared this time. At the end of a day on which he had missed dinner because he had been called to talk to one of the vocal trainers who thought that his rapping was damaging what was a ‘perfectly promising voice’. And at the end of a day on which Chan had called them for a “bonus” late night rehearsal… which Jisung knew was because of how badly he had done in the afternoon ones. It was a day on which it… it just… it just all got too much.

So, when Hyunjin, Hyunjin of all people, criticized his dancing, Jisung simply exploded. Unable to take any more, he suddenly saw red and the only reason why Hyunjin ended up with any hair left on his stupid fucking head was that Chan and Minho practically flew across the room and held Jisung back before he could do any real damage.

As if that could stop him. Jisung was fighting against their holds, screaming insults at the Omega, uncaring about the fact that he had already made him cry. He was at the very end of his rope and once again, he didn’t know how to help himself except for lashing out. It hurt even more now that he fully realised this. That he knew what he was doing. And that he still couldn’t’ change it. He knew that his behaviour was nothing but a desperate, a fucking pathetic cry for help. And he just wanted someone to hear him, to understand what he needed.

“Get your fucking shit together!”, Changbin snarled at him, and it just made Jisung even more livid to see one of his only friends stand protectively in front of Hyunjin. He hated that everyone was already tending to Hyunjin again while no one cared about him. “Get your fucking shit together!” As if that wasn’t exactly what Jisung had been trying to do all his life. As if he wasn’t doing everything in his power to get it right and still failing miserably. He wanted to cry but he knew that that would just illicit the kind of pity that would only make him angrier.

Eventually Chan let out an exhausted sigh. “I think that wraps up rehearsal for the day.”, he mumbled tiredly. And Jisung, who was still completely besides himself, who just wanted Chan to let go of his arm that he was still squeezing with an iron grip, who just wanted Chan to not be exhausted with how he acted and sympathetic instead, suddenly felt like he couldn’t control his anger anymore.

And so, he did something he had never done in his entire life. He let out a deep, guttural growl.

It was as if the world was holding its breath around him, as if time stopped. No one was making any sound whatsoever and Jisung immediately knew that he had fucked up big time. You didn’t growl at people. Period. But you definitely didn’t growl at Alphas that were older than you, not at your leader. Absolutely not. It was considered a challenge, worse than a punch in the face.

Jisung winced involuntarily. His anger had dissipated within a second and all that was left was fear and simple yet cruel deflation, hopelessness. He felt bad about what he had done but he also really didn’t want to be forced to submit. Especially not by Chan, by the first person who had ever shown him any real respect, who had never made him feel like less than in all these years. It would fucking break him.

His only hope was that Chan might understand that. He was the only person who possibly could in this entire room. But what would he do instead? There was no way he could just let Jisung get away with this kind of behaviour, was there? Would he scream at him? Would… shit… would he kick him out of the team? If he would, it would of course be deservedly so but still, it would shred Jisung to pieces.

But before Chan could move as much as a single muscle, something else happened. Something Jisung would have not suspected in a million years. Minho let out a low growl as well.

It wasn’t quite as unhinged as Jisung’s. It was far more quiet, far more controlled. But that almost made it worse. Because there was absolutely no doubt that Minho’s growl had been fully intentional. And it had not been directed at Jisung.

Chapter Text

There was not a sound in the practise room except for some heavy breathing and Jisung’s own heartbeat pounding in his ears. He was shaking and felt so nauseous that he was genuinely afraid he might throw up. Someone let out a small whimper and, without having to see, Jisung knew that it was Felix - the guy who called Jisung his “sunshine twin” despite how shitty he had been to him. He winced. God, he just felt so fucking bad.

Why was he such a mess? Why couldn’t he just be normal for once? All of this was his fault. He had started yet another fight. He had almost physically hurt Hyunjin. He was the one who was flying off the handle time and time and time again. And yet, it almost seemed as if Chan had forgotten about all of that. It was as if everybody had.

Because Minho had growled. Minho - the quiet and reserved, laid-back new guy on the team - had just growled at Bang Chan who had been at JYPE long enough and was trusted enough to put this team together by himself. The guy who had been in the company for only a little over a month, who had never shown as much as a trace of impoliteness, who had just kept his head down and worked his ass off for the team had just challenged their leader.

Jisung shuddered. And for what? So far, he had always been under the impression that Minho cared about his career, that he really wanted to make it. He had seen how hard the guy worked, how he stayed behind when everyone was heading to the dorms and still was up before everybody else, how he had to take so much criticism and never let it get to him, how he had always just seemingly used it as motivation to work even harder. Jisung couldn’t believe that he was so ready to throw it all away.

The thought made him sick to his stomach. The idea that the growl could indeed turn out to be the end of Minho’s career. When he should be the one who got kicked out of the group. When he had lost control and growled first.

And yet, no one was paying him any attention. He was still caught between the two Alphas, with both of them still holding onto him the way they had when they had jumped in to hold him back from killing Hyunjin. Only that now, their grips had turned iron as they glared at each other. It was almost as if they had forgotten that they were holding him in the first place. All that seemed to be on their minds was to assert dominance over the other. It caused Jisung to shudder pathetically. He had never seen them like this.

The pheromones around him had his head spinning. Minho and Chan were both relentlessly pushing out scent, fighting to gain some semblance of dominance over the other. Chan’s usually pleasant scent that had always reminded Jisung of the sea breeze had turned sharp, piercing, ice-cold. It had Jisung duck his head instinctually. Even though deep down he knew that Chan would rather cut off his own hand than seriously hurt him, he couldn’t help but feel terrified.

Minho’s scent on the other hand… Well, Jisung would have definitely not confused him for an Omega had he been exposed to this version of it. It was still a blend of coffee and vanilla, but the bitterness had become far more prominent and even the vanilla had turned into something that conveyed strength and power and… and even outright aggression. However, as opposed to Chan’s, it didn’t cause Jisung to feel scared. Not even in the slightest. On the contrary, it almost had the opposite effect on him. It made him want to push closer to the dancer. So close that he could bury his face in the crook of his neck and let himself be enveloped by his scent completely. To Jisung Minho’s aggressive scent didn’t smell threatening, it smelled like protection.

If he hadn’t figured out that something was fundamentally wrong with him before, at this point there would have been no doubt.

Every other Alpha in the room was reacting to what was going on. Changbin’s hands had formed fists by his sides, and he was clearly trying to make himself appear as big as he could. He was also pumping out scent, even if not quite as much as Minho and Chan and was still standing protectively in front of Hyunjin und Jeongin. Even Seungmin, who usually had a remarkable handle on his instincts, couldn’t control his scent entirely.

But what they did was expected. Alphas would always involuntarily try to assert their status over the others in these kinds of situations. It was pure survival instincts born from ancient times when there had still been a need for Alphas to ensure their place in the hierarchy of a pack to defend food and shelter privileges for them and their families.

What they did was the natural reaction. Once again, Jisung was the odd one out. He knew full well that he definitely wasn’t pumping out aggressive pheromones. If anything, his scent was probably betraying his fear and well… submission. He had gone limp between Chan and Minho, tilted his head to the side and exposed his neck. He didn’t want to fight. He couldn’t.

And once more he felt absolutely pathetic because of it.

***

Jisung felt so unbelievably weak and useless. More so than ever before. He was shaking furiously and felt as if he was going to run out of air. He just wanted to cry, to escape Chan and Minho and hide somewhere where no one would find him, to just disappear forever... He was about to break down completely, when suddenly a sweet scent of chocolate and vanilla caught his attention. Just a moment later Jisung felt goosebumps erupt all over his skin.

The scent felt thick and heavy in the air and was almost reminiscent of a blanket that slowly wrapped itself around them. The effect that it had was immense and immediate, at least for Jisung. To him, the scent was like a sedative, lulling him to peace and quiet while wrapping him in softness.

He chanced a glance at Felix and swallowed thickly as he caught a glimpse of his face. His worry and concern were tangible in the air around them. So much so that Jisung could practically taste it. Omegas had been the peacekeepers of packs for centuries and Jisung knew that letting out calming pheromones must have been a similarly instinctual reaction from Felix as the postering was from the Alphas.

And it seemed to have a profound effect, especially on Chan, whose expression had shifted from one of ice-cold fury to a look that was nothing but pained. It was clear that he was torn between keeping Jisung trapped in his hold while making sure Minho was reminded of his rank and tending to the younger Australian.

Meanwhile Minho didn’t even seem to notice the scent around him. He was still glaring at Chan, still flexing every single muscle in his body, still looking as if he was going to explode any time.

His expression had Jisung inadvertently wish that he could affect him in the way Felix affected their leader. That he could take his anger away and make him relax. That he could bring him peace. It was another stab to the heart to know that he would never be that to anyone. It was one of the many realities Jisung had had to accept over the course of his life, that no one would ever smell his biting scent of harsh smoke and feel better.

“Chris?”, Felix’s voice was so quiet and hesitant that Jisung thought he had imagined it for a fleeting moment. But Chan’s already tormented face shifted to betray even more agony and left no doubt as to him having heard it as well. Jisung wanted to tell him to let go. He wanted to assure him that he wouldn’t move, that he wouldn’t resist whatever punishment he saw fit for his behaviour. He wanted to promise him that he would make sure Minho would stay put as well. But of course he didn’t. How could he have?

Minho, however, was braver. “Let me take care of him.”, he whispered, clearly struggling to even get the words out past his clenched teeth. “Please, Hyung. Please.”

Even though Jisung was too worked up to fully register what exactly Minho had said in that moment, his words caused another shudder to run down his spine. There was so much desperation in his voice, so much distress. It had Jisung itch with the need to turn around and wrap his arms around him. He had never been as overwhelmed with the need to comfort someone as he felt in that moment. He so desperately wanted to make the dancer feel at least a little better.

Chan had Felix who was now slowly, very slowly inching closer and closer. But who did Minho have that would stand up for him? Who would be there to be his safe place? Jisung wanted so desperately to be the answer.

He closed his eyes. Maybe he could at least lean into him a little? Maybe that could be enough? Maybe it would help at least a tiny bit?

“Please.”, came Felix’s voice in English. And suddenly it hit Jisung as if a bucket full of ice-cold water had been dumped directly on his head. Let me take care of him? Please? Was Minho affected by Felix’s distressed scent after all? Shit. Did he just ask Chan’s permission to take care of the Omega?

The thought hurt more than Jisung could have ever imagined. Suddenly Minho’s aggressive behaviour towards Chan made so much sense. It was no secret that their leader was head over heels for Felix. If Minho wanted him too… Of course he would be aggressive towards Chan. Of course he would challenge him at the first opportunity that presented itself.

Jisung hated himself more in that moment than he had in his entire life. He felt so, so fucking worthless. How could he have ever truly imagined himself as the source of Minho’s comfort? When he would clearly want a beautiful Omega like Felix. Someone who was sweet and kind and gentle. Someone caring and loving that he could build a future with. Why would someone like Lee Minho ever want someone as broken as Jisung? A fucking Alpha. And the most pathetic one out there at that.

Jisung almost hoped that Chan would be angry enough to just hurl himself at Minho and hurt Jisung in the process. He hoped that he would get knocked to the floor, that his head would hit the ground and make him forget everything that had ever happened to him. God, he just hoped Chan saw red and would forget that he ever wanted to protect Jisung.

He closed his eyes and waited for the blow that would undoubtedly come. He welcomed it, the pain, the hurt, the distraction. But to Jisung’s surprise, Chan didn’t attack. He just sighed gravely and… and let go of Jisung’s arm.

***

For a brief moment, Jisung was so confused about what was happening that he felt dizzy. One moment he was sure that he was about to become a witness to the very brutal murder of Lee Minho and in the next he watched as Chan set his jaw but quietly stepped back. He turned around and just one heartbeat later Felix was in their leader’s arms. It only served to make Jisung’s disorientation complete to see how Chan wrapped his arms around him protectively and even pressed a kiss to his hair. Was Chan just so sure in himself that he didn’t care about Minho’s feelings? Was he trying to rub it into his face that he clearly didn’t stand a chance with Felix? But why did he do it turned away then? How was he even turning his back to him at all after all that had just gone down?

Jisung had to admit that Felix looked extremely content, at least from what he saw of his face from where it was squished against Chan’s shoulder. Were Minho’s feelings not reciprocated after all? And just like that the fluttery little traitor called hope crawled back into his heart.

However, Chan interrupted his thoughts before he could spiral any further. “Everyone except for Jisung is going home,” their leader announced calmy to the rest of the group. “Now.” And just one moment later everyone was heading out of the practise room.

It was only when the door fell shut with a deafening finality that Jisung realised it was only him and Minho that were left. Suddenly, his heart started beating wildly. “Let me take care of him.” the words were echoing ominously in his mind. Was Minho going to punish him for his behaviour? Was he going to force him to submit?

“Hey…”, Minho said quietly, probably in response to Jisung’s pheromones that just had to be going crazy because of his fear. He winced when the dancer carefully loosened his hold on his arm and instead awkwardly closed his arms around him. “It’s okay now.”, he said and there was a softness in his voice that Jisung had never heard before. “It’s just us. I’m here.”

Jisung was still shaking. Anger, exhaustion and absolute terror were all competing inside of him. He still hadn’t quite made sense of everything that had happened. His lack of sleep was still eating at him. And Minho was still holding onto him. It was all so much. But he didn’t want to break down. Not in front of Minho. He didn’t want to show him how pathetic and weak he truly was.

So, for a while, they just stood there. Silent and unmoving. Stiff and a little awkward. Both probably very aware of Jisung’s mental state but not outright addressing it. And then Minho whispered: “You can let go. It’s okay.” And Jisung broke down into tears.

That night, they stayed in the practice room and Minho doated on him for hours. He let him cry against his shoulder and made him tea with the little kettle in the corner of the room. He hugged him and softly told him that everything was going to be okay, over and over and over again. He never even got close to reprimanding him for how he had acted towards Hyunjin or Chan. He never tried to make him submit even just a little. He was just there for him, giving him all of his undivided attention and making sure he felt cared for.

And Jisung soaked it up. He didn’t think about what had happened and how he had almost destroyed everything. He didn’t think about how he was definitely still in trouble. He didn’t even think about what it meant that Minho was there or about why he was doing all of this for Jisung. He just let himself be doted on for once.

At some point Minho gently asked Jisung whether he wanted to move to the sofa at the far side of the room. But Jisung shook his head. The sofa was comfortable, but it carried too many scents reminding him of too many people. As if Minho had read his mind, he crouched down to where Jisung was sitting on the hard floor of the practice room and quietly asked: “Is it the scents?”. Jisung nodded and bit the inside of his cheek as he saw Minho hesitate before he slowly asked: “Are… are you okay with my… uh… with my scent? Would you at least like my… uh… I guess my… my hoodie?”

He nervously pulled on the strings of it and didn’t look at Jisung while he waited for his reply. Meanwhile Jisung knew that he was turning fucking scarlet. Minho had just offered him his hoodie! He had just offered him his scent! Well… kinda… He probably mostly just wanted Jisung to have something to curl up on the floor with. But still… Never in his wildest dreams would Jisung have imagined that Lee Minho would offer him his hoodie.

He swallowed dryly and then let out a feeble “Yup” that had him cringe at the sound of his own voice. “That would be great.”

It didn’t take long at all until Jisung was completely relaxed on the cold floor of the studio, his legs drawn to his chest and his head resting on the fabric of Minho’s hoodie. The scent of coffee and vanilla had an extremely soothing effect on him. And Jisung didn’t even feel bad about it. He could tell that it made Minho happy to see him let his guard down, even just a little. And maybe that was enough.

They didn’t talk at all, which Jisung very much appreciated, but after a while he felt the need to confess something. “I haven’t been sleeping.”, he admitted quietly and winced when he saw Minho, who had just returned with a new cup of tea, tense.

“I know.”, the dancer whispered as he carefully sat the cup down right in front of Jisung. “Can… can you tell why you can’t? Is… Is there anything I can do?”

Jisung shook his head. Suddenly his throat got tight again, and his eyes were burning once more. “I just… I just can’t seem to find rest.”. A hesitant hand found his shoulder and after inadvertently wincing at the first contact, Jisung willed his muscles to relax under the touch to encourage Minho to keep going. By now the tears were back in full force.  “I… I… I don’t know why.”, he sniffled.

Minho nodded tentatively. He carefully stroked his arm, while his eyes seemed to scan Jisung, to look for something. Jisung had no idea whether he had found it when he quietly asked: “Do… Do you feel uneasy right now?”

“No.”, Jisung admitted in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. “No, I don’t.”

It was the truth. He felt safer in that moment, there alone with Minho in the dance studio, curled up on his worn hoodie, pathetically crying his eyes out, than he had…since… well… honestly, since arriving in Korea all of those years ago. In that moment, he felt like he never wanted to face the reality of that cruel world behind the door of the practise room ever again.

Minho hummed quietly. “Do…”, he began, voice as hesitant as ever. “Do you know that Felix often sleeps in Chan’s or Changbin’s bed?” As he asked it, his voice sounded even more careful than before. “Sometimes even Seungmin’s though Seungmin doesn’t like it as much as the other two.”

Jisung paused while his heart started picking up some speed again. A far too familiar feeling took a hold of his stomach, one that made his muscles clench and his jaw tighten. Dread. Minho blushed. “It… it comforts him, I think? It’s not a bad thing.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Some people in my dance crew did it as well. And… and there are even rumours that some of the BTS members did too. It’s… it’s normal and… and like even healthy I think for Omegas to…”

Jisung’s blood turned to ice in his veins. The words felt as if Minho had injected him with poison that was burning its way throughout every inch of his body. “I am not an Omega!”, he barked before Minho could even finish his sentence.

He felt sick. The thought that Minho had only cared for him because he thought of him as an Omega made him want to spill his guts on the damned floor of the damned practise room. He sprung to his feet. Of course all of this had been too perfect. Of course there would be a hangup. Of course this would end up hurting him again. He felt the tears already streaming down his face and just wanted to tear his skin off of his bones. How could he have been so naïve? When had anything in life ever gone his way?

He stormed out of the room and didn’t even really register that Minho was shouting at him to wait, to let him explain. But even if he had, he wouldn’t have stopped. He had heard enough. He didn’t need to expose himself to more hurt for nothing.

It was only when he arrived at the dorms that he realised that he was still clutching the hoodie Minho had given him.

***

That night Jisung felt cold as he curled up on his bed in the dorm. He had never missed his childhood bedroom more than in that moment. The room that had been his safe space for so many of his hardest years. Even now, when he closed his eyes, he could picture it in all its detail. The walls that he and his mother had impulsively painted yellow after a particularly hard day at school. The posters of Tiger JK and Block B that he had carefully taken out of magazines after he had first started dreaming about going to Korea to pursue a career in music. The mountain of sheets filled messily written lyrics on the desk that his father had somehow managed to cram into the room right next to his bed.

Even though it was a small and crammed space, a combination Jisung usually despised, he had never ever felt trapped in that room. No matter what happened, the small bed surrounded by yellow walls had always been his safe space.

It could have not been more different from how he felt about his bunk in the JYPE dorms. He had tried to make his space feel at least a little cozy. But he had quickly given up when he had realised that putting stuffed animals on the bed or pictures of home on his walls just made him feel more exposed.

That was the thing he hated most about the dorms, how exposed he felt. Even when dressed in the thickest pyjamas he owned and with blankets up to his ears, he always felt naked. Unprotected. Vulnerable. Sometimes he would pass out from pure and utter exhaustion. But he had never managed to get any real peace.

He sighed and opened his eyes again. Today should have been a day to pass out after. And everyone else in the dorm was already fast asleep. How could they not. It had been such a long day and then the whole thing with the growling had happened and… Jisung felt his throat close up again, but he refused to cry. He had done far too much of that already.

When he had gotten home, he had found a sleeping Felix curled up against the chest of an equally as asleep Chan on the couch and the image had immediately reminded him of what Minho had said about it being okay to seek comfort, about it being normal… for Omegas. It had felt as if his damn heart was being ripped out of his chest.

Rationally Jisung knew that he had no idea whether Minho had meant any harm with his words and even that it was unlikely after all that he had done to take care of him that night. But that didn’t change the fact that they had struck a nerve. It had reminded Jisung once again that he was unnatural, perverse… a fucking freak of nature.

He looked at Minho’s hoodie that was still bunched up at the far side of his bed and immediately felt like crying again as he was painfully reminded of how, just a few hours earlier, Minho had given Jisung exactly what he craved for the first time in his life.

Somehow this virtual stranger had been the first person to see past all of the walls and defences Jisung had put up and reached out a hand to the terrified boy at the core. The boy that had been bullied since he could think. The boy that had been told just how worthless he was more times than was possible to count. The boy that was just so, so, so lonely.

Minho had guessed exactly what Jisung had been craving for years: Just a little bit of tender attention without conditions or judgement. It had been like coming up for air after years of being trapped under water.

Jisung had no idea why he had done it. Why he had gone as far as growling at Chan just to be able to take care of Jisung, who he didn’t even really know.

His first thought had been that Minho thought of him as an Omega. It was the thing he was most terrified of. But deep down, if he was truly honest with himself… he knew that it couldn’t really be true. Jisung’s scent was far too Alpha for it to be mistaken for anything else.

But then why had Minho gone out of his way to care for him? Had he maybe gone through similar things? Had he recognized himself in Jisung? Did he think of him as a little brother that he needed to protect? For some reason that thought tasted even more bitter.

Jisung sighed and reached out to grab the hoodie. The scent allowed him to imagine Minho was there in the room with him, maybe even right beside his bed. It allowed him to pretend that he was watched over as he slowly, almost inadvertently relaxed into the sheets. It allowed him to almost trick himself into thinking that someone cared about him enough to be there to make sure that nothing would happen to him. As if he wasn’t just a bother in everyone’s life. As if he wasn’t just a waste of space.

Without thinking about it, he brought the hoodie up to his nose so he could close his eyes and burry his face in the comforting mix of coffee and vanilla and tears immediately sprang to his eyes again. Because what he was doing was fucking weird, and fucking pathetic, and just another example of how broken he truly was. And yet, Jisung didn’t even have enough self-respect to get himself to care as he breathed in the nicest scent that he had ever smelled and let it lull him to sleep.

Chapter Text

Jisung woke up disoriented and with a pounding headache. His stomach was rebelling as loudly as it could, and he was shaking, with a thin but cold layer of sweat covering his entire body. He groaned and tried to gage whether moving around a little would help or would end up just causing the nausea he felt to escalate.

Immediately, the urge to cry was overwhelming. But Jisung held it together. He knew what this was. What it must be. Feeling like this was familiar. Maybe too much so. It was exactly how he had felt the night after Changbin’s last birthday when he had consumed his bodyweight in soju. It was the same feeling he had had when Felix had once made cocktails for all of them. It seemed that Jisung was hungover. Extremely so.

He squinted against the light and frowned as he tried to remember the day before. He recalled getting picked up at the crack of dawn, forced to get up at an absolutely unreasonable time… not that he had slept… but still. He remembered practising for hours and failing miserably even though he had tried extremely hard to be well prepared. He was reminded of how that vocal teacher that he hated had intercepted him before he could get to dinner and how he had proceeded to lecture him on how he should stop rapping… as if Jisung ever would… as if rapping was not one of the few things Jisung had left to cling onto. An outlet, a way of expressing himself, a way to get aggressive without actually hurting anyone… There was no way he would or even could let that go.

He groaned once more when he remembered the “bonus” late night rehearsal that Chan had scheduled for all of them. Even though it had really only been Jisung who had messed up at the earlier ones. He suppressed the urge to howl as a wave of shame rolled over him. He remembered how anger had taken a hold of him again when Hyunjin had criticized him. He remembered the overwhelming and fucking pathetic sensation of feeling utterly helpless and misunderstood when Changbin had chastised him for his behaviour. He remembered how self-hatred had taken over every little part of his body when Chan had sighed dejectedly and given up.

Reality began to sink in, to slowly seep through the cracks and make a home in the middle of his chest where it sat like an elephant that slowly began crushing Jisung under its weight. He wasn’t hungover. At least not in the conventional sense. He hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol. What he was feeling was the result of his instincts taking over, of him loosing control.

Jisung closed his eyes again, in a desperate attempt to hide from it all. But that just caused the memories to come back clearer and more vivid. It just made the sensations so much more intense. Finally, Jisung could feel the differences from a “normal hangover”. It was in the way his muscles felt strained and sore and in the way his nose seemed so much more sensitive to every scent around him making him feel downright sick. Plus, there was an obnoxiously hard reminder of his second gender between his legs and he very much usually didn’t get turned on by a fucking hangover.

Not that he was particularly turned on right now. It was just his body going haywire. And wow, if this was how the others always felt after a rut… Jisung could suddenly empathize with Changbin’s refusal to move for a good few days even after he was technically supposed to be done with his cycle and with the fact that Seungmin only really pushed himself if Felix or Hyunjin put on their best pout and asked him to.

Their ruts were supposed to be the only time Alphas truly gave into their instincts. But Jisung hadn’t gone through a rut since he had presented… Well, that was not entirely true. He had tried. Back when he had still been in Malaysia, he had been supposed to endure it at home, locked in his room. But in the end, the pain had been too much, the strain on his body too big. After just a few hours, emergency personnel had to come and sedate him. Jisung had been too fucking weak to endure even the most basic thing about being an Alpha.

Back then he had woken up at a hospital. The medical staff there had warned him that the lingering effects of the rut might catch up to him. That he would experience the “instinct hangover” that usually came after. But he never did. In the end, they had concluded that that was precisely the problem. Jisung still shivered as he remembered an old, grim-looking doctor in a white lab coat telling him that the reason he had had such a bad time had been because he hadn’t leaned into his instincts enough. That - even in rut - he had fought every single inch of his being and tried way too hard to stay in control.

The doctor had basically glared at him when he had told him to go to therapy. “If you’re lucky, maybe they can fix you there” he had said and Jisung had wanted to jump in his face. He had never gone to therapy. He was already feeling weak and pathetic enough without it. Instead, he had gotten himself suppressants and had gotten away with ignoring his “instincts” ever since.

Well, until yesterday. Yesterday, he had growled at Chan. At the first person who had ever given him the time of day since he had arrived in Seoul at fifteen. He had growled at him. He had - intentionally or not - challenged him. He had disrespected him. And that wasn’t even the reason why he was feeling the way he was.

Sure, aggression was definitely a trait that was linked to Alphas and their instincts. But for Jisung that had never been the case. Not really. For him, aggression was a self-taught coping mechanism. Through the years it had turned against him, had made him hate himself and had often caused him to lose control. It was habitual and an automatic response that he had incredible trouble stopping, but it wasn’t instinctual.

So, no. The growling wasn’t why he was feeling this way. The reason for his hangover had come after that. And it had a name… it was called Lee Minho.

The Alpha’s face flashed across Jisung’s mind and caused him to flinch so harshly that something fell out of his bed onto the ground. Glad to latch onto the distraction Jisung turned his head to look. It was like a punch to his stomach when he saw the dark and far too familiar fabric of the hoodie Minho had given him the night before.

For a while, he just stared at it. Torn between blaming it for all of his problems and wanting to reach out so he could bring it to his face. In the end the desire to be soothed once more won out and just a few seconds later, Jisung’s headache eased as he breathed in Minho’s wonderful mix off coffee and vanilla. It was in that moment that he also understood why Chan seemed so reliant on Felix’s proximity after his ruts, even if their leader didn’t want to admit it.

And Jisung very much would rather not think about what it meant for him to have that reaction to another Alpha’s scent. He sighed. Not any Alpha. Minho.

Minho, who had unknowingly turned Jisung’s entire fragile life on its head just within the few weeks he had been at JYPE. Minho, who yesterday had immediately stepped in and challenged their leader before he could say anything to Jisung. Minho, who had growled as well, daring Chan to say something, anything at all.

Shame crawled into Jisung’s system. Cruel, unforgiving and all encompassing. He couldn’t hide from the facts any longer. Jisung was as hungover as he had ever been. But he hadn’t consumed a single drop of alcohol the night before. Instead, he had gone to sleep crying, helpless and confused, pressing his face into a hoodie Minho had given him for comfort after doting on and tending for him for what must have been hours, finally allowing Jisung to turn his head off and just give into his instincts. Instincts, that were as unnatural as they could possibly be for an Alpha.

Once more, Jisung was left crying on his bed, wondering why the fuck he had to be as weak and as pathetic as he was.

***

When Jisung eventually emerged from his dorm, he barely managed to take more than two steps before Felix was already flying at him and jumping into his arms. He hugged him so tightly and so genuinely that Jisung immediately started to feel like crying again. He and Felix weren’t close like this. They had never shared such a real hug. Hell, Jisung had spent most of his time in the project group trying to drive the Omega away. And yet here Felix was, hugging him as tightly as humanly possible.

“Are you okay?” the Australian asked after a while, voice pressed but careful, still holding onto him as tightly as he could. Jisung swallowed and realised that he didn’t trust his voice at all. So, he just nodded. There was silence between them after that, not for long but long enough for it to feel heavy, for Jisung to know that Felix was holding back things that he wanted to say.

In the end, the blonde just whispered: “Chan isn’t angry.” It definitely wasn’t what he had wanted to say but Jisung didn’t mind that at all. He just nodded again. Deep down, he had already known that Chan wouldn’t be angry at him. Their leader had seen Jisung through everything until this point, had stayed by his side for so, so much. And yet, he had never gotten truly upset with him. He had been worried, sometimes deeply so. But he had never been truly angry. In the end, Chan had always insisted that Jisung didn’t mean any harm, even when Jisung felt as if he did. It had always been as if Chan had seen something in him, something that Jisung couldn’t see himself. And fuck. Jisung definitely deserve to be viewed that way. 

“Did Hyung take good care of you?”, Felix’s voice was barely more than a whisper now and Jisung knew it was because he was worried about a negative reaction. And… honestly? He was right to worry.

The words had barely even registered when Jisung was already struggling to suppress his anger again. It made him feel sick. The way the anger licked at his insides, burning him up with a hatred that was so painful and so, so, so hard to contain. God, the anger, this anger… it had already ruined so much for him.

This time, however, he managed to swallow it down. He forced himself to focus on Felix’s question. He remembered how Minho had made tea for him the night before, how he had given him his hoodie… He remembered how patient and gentle he had been with him… And in the end, he nodded once more.

“That’s good.” Felix finally let him go from his bone crushing hug. And as Jisung stepped back a little, he knew the younger was searching for his eyes. But, in that moment, Jisung still felt so overwhelmed with a mix of anger, shame and just plain and pure pain that he felt utterly unable to meet them. Instead, he just stared at the ground while Felix told him that Chan and Changbin had gone to the studio.

***

There, as was to be expected, Chan pulled him aside as soon as he stepped into the familiar room.

“I’m sorry Hyung,” Jisung whispered before Chan could do as much as open his mouth. “I’m so, so, so sorry.”

Chan shook his head. “You know I am not angry,” he mumbled. And when Jisung looked up at him there was so much worry on his face that it caused him to feel physical pain. “You stepped out of line,” Chan continued. “But you know that.”

Jisung swallowed but forced himself to nod. Once more, he felt nothing but ashamed and pathetic. And once more, he couldn’t even get himself to meet Chan’s eyes.

“I just…” The older Alpha hesitated. “I don’t know what there is…” He paused again. “I mean Minho and…”

Jisung’s heart dropped. Please, he wanted to beg. Please don’t ask me about him. Please don’t be so cruel. And maybe Chan had heard his silent pleas or maybe the fear and desperation he was feeling was just written all over his face.

But in the end, Chan just sighed. “Did I do the right thing by leaving yesterday?” he asked quietly. And it broke Jisung’s heart to realise what the older had been worried about. He hadn’t even considered that leaving him alone with Minho, a guy none of them really, truly knew yet… in that situation and the state of mind he had been in… that it must have certainly felt like a gamble. And especially, that it had to have been impossibly hard for someone like Chan, who always wanted to have his people close, who always needed to be the one to make sure they were okay. Jisung hadn’t even realised that Chan had probably been agonizing over his decision to leave them since the moment he had stepped out of the room.

Still, his words caused Jisung to have relief wash over him in overwhelming waves. He felt guilty for feeling that way, but it was undeniable. If Chan hadn’t asked in that moment, Jisung knew that he wouldn’t ask at all. And he was ready to fall onto his knees and thank whichever higher power had answered his prayers. He simply was not ready to talk or… or to even think about well… Minho… and what had possibly changed for him - them? - last night.

And yet, his feeling of relief turned into something much more bitter again when something moving in his peripheral vision caused Jisung to glance to the side. He found Changbin staring intently at his screen, clearly doing his best to pretend he wasn’t listening. His headphones, however, lay disregarded on his desk.

The reminder that all of their team members had been there to witness Jisung’s breakdown and that not just Chan, who had always been more invested in Jisung’s personal business than he wanted him to be, but all of the others were probably wondering about what had gone down between him and Minho, what was going on between them at all… It made Jisung want to scream, to cry, to break down, to somehow relieve all of the weight that was suddenly pressing down on him again.

What was he supposed to tell them? Yeah, it was great for a little bit because I finally got cared for like the little fucking bitch I desperately want to be. But then Hyung called me an Omega and I ran away. I still slept on his hoodie though because I have zero self-respect and this morning I woke up with a pounding headache so yeah…

He wanted to cry. Instead, however, he just nodded. “Yes,” he breathed because he knew he owed it to Chan. “Yes, it was the right thing.” And Chan hugged him tight.

***

In the days that followed, Jisung didn’t talk about what had happened that night in the practise room after everyone had left. And no one asked. No one mentioned it. Not even Minho.

Jisung had spent the day after what he had dubbed ‘the growling incident’ in his head, dreading the first dance practise with the entire team… with Minho. Even though Changbin hadn’t really said anything in the studio and the fact that, except for him and Chan maybe being a little more careful and gentler with Jisung, you couldn’t have even guessed that anything had happened, Jisung had been terrified. He had been thoroughly convinced that not everyone would be as tactful.

However, when he, Chan and Changbin had entered the practice room, Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin had already been there, and while Felix had given him a sad smile, the other two had tried very hard to pretend everything was normal. Hyunjin had arrived and had wordlessly handed Jisung an iced-americano which could only be interpreted as a peace offering. The gesture had made Jisung feel absolutely disgusted with himself and had made him want to throw up, but he had smiled and quietly thanked him instead. And then… and then Minho had walked in.

The difference had been striking right away. He had looked absolutely lethal and the glare he had given each of the members (besides Jisung) had been a blatant challenge. Say something, it had said. Do it. I dare you.

His demeanour had made Jisung want to run to him and throw himself in his arms. Once again, it had been an impulse that had gone against every instinct Jisung should have felt. It had made him want to cry again. He felt so fucking pathetic. And just so lost? Not that he had ever truly known who he was or who he wanted to be, but it still felt extremely painful to have the little certainty he had had about himself and his life be ripped away as well.

That they, before practice had started, Jisung had wondered whether Minho would shout at him later, whether he would at least try to get him to explain himself. That day, after practice, he had been relieved when Minho had simply pretended nothing had happened at all.

Now, however, a few days later, Jisung wasn’t sure whether he liked that Minho gave him space or whether he despised him for it. He could have at least apologized, couldn’t he have? For the Omega comment? Or was the older actually doing him a favour by not reminding him of it again? Shit. Jisung just felt so utterly lost and confused and miserable.

He was still shaking when he curled up on his bed a few hours later. He wanted to call his mum. He wanted to hear his dad’s voice. He wanted to go home to his yellow bedroom and hide from it all. And yet that thought stung even more. Because, while his parents had been nothing but patient with him all his life… this… this he had no idea how they would react to, should they ever find out. New horror scenarios were making their way into his head, images of his mother screaming at him, of his father telling him that he wasn’t their son anymore, that he was nothing but a disappointment through and through. Scenes that he had only ever heard of. Things that he had prayed he would never have to think about. And yet here he was, terrified beyond anything he had ever experienced.

Someone walked into the dorm and Jisung turned away on his bed. Minho’s hoodie was still bunched up on his bed, right next to his pillow. It had lost most of its scent by now but somehow it still comforted Jisung more than any of his actual belongings. Some nights he wondered whether Minho had forgotten that Jisung still had it, or whether he simply felt too awkward to ask for it back. He swallowed. There was also a good chance that Minho had been disgusted by the way Jisung had cuddled up on it in the practice room and had never actually planned on getting it back… He sniffled. Why did all of this have to hurt so damn much? Why could he not just be like everyone else?

Tears began falling onto his pillow again and Jisung picked up the hoodie to hide his face in it. He heard someone shift close to the door and had to suppress the urge to throw his water bottle across the room. He just wanted to be alone. He sighed. At least he had the faint traces of Minho’s coffee and vanilla to comfort him…

In a way, it had been that scent that had started it all. It had been the scent that had made Jisung pause when he had met Minho at the vending machine, and it had been the scent that he hadn’t been able to get out of his head afterwards. It had been the scent that had fooled him into thinking Minho was an Omega and it was the scent that now reminded him of the fact that he wasn’t, over and over and over again.

Really, Jisung should have despised it. But he didn’t. He still absolutely adored it.

“Jisung?” the voice was so soft that at first Jisung didn’t even recognise it. He groaned. He really, really hoped that it wasn’t one of the trainees who were new to the dorm. One of the ones who didn’t yet know to just leave Jisung be when he was once again crying on his bed. He pressed his face even deeper into the fabric of the hoodie and hoped that whoever it was would just let him be. Coffee and vanilla filled his nose again and he felt himself inadvertently relax a little. It was stronger now that he had basically eliminated any air between him and the hoodie. He frowned. It was really strong… too strong. Fuck.

“Jisung?” And this time he did recognize the voice. He immediately wanted to throw himself off of the tallest skyscraper in Seoul. He was absolutely mortified. This simply could not be happening. He threw the hoodie to the side, even though he knew damn well that it was far too late to conceal what he had been doing and hid behind his pillow instead. He didn’t give as much as a glance at the man standing next to his bunk. As if not seeing him would make it less real.

“Hey…” Minho said quietly, as gentle as ever. “It’s okay. I… I just wanted to give you this but it’s fine I’ll… I’ll just uh… leave it here.” Jisung heard him shifting around and felt him placing something at the foot of his bed. He still refused to move. He still refused to acknowledge that this had actually happened. That Minho, fucking Minho, had just caught him crying into his damn hoodie.

“I… uh…” Minho made, and he sounded as if he was right next to Jisung’s bed again. “I guess I’ll uh… I guess I’ll leave. Uh… Goodnight.” Just a moment later Jisung heard the door to his dorm shut and he knew he was alone again. The groan he let out was so guttural it almost sounded like a growl. But he still didn’t move. He just laid there and listened. Listened until he was absolutely fucking sure that he was indeed the only person in the dorm room, that no one had seen Minho leave whatever he had left.

Jisung groaned again when he opened his eyes. For a few moments, that could have been seconds or minutes or maybe even hours, he just stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t ready to see what it was that Minho had come to see him for. To see what had been the cause of the final nail in Jisung’s pathetic little coffin.

Eventually, however, he decided he simply had to. That he couldn’t just ignore whatever was on his bed forever.  He tilted his head just ever so slightly and… frowned. There, at the end of his bed laid a simple, incredibly inconspicuous plastic bag… Huh?

He shifted closer, but still couldn’t make out what was inside. However, eventually, as he got near enough, he could see a neatly written note on top of it. Apparently, Minho had either thought that Jisung wouldn’t be in his room, or he had anticipated that they wouldn’t talk. Whatever the case, Jisung couldn’t help but reach out to read.

“The bag is sealed in case I got this all wrong” it said and Jisung swallowed thickly. Suddenly, he was terrified again. “In case I got this all wrong”… Shit. Still, he forced himself to continue reading. “But I kind of noticed that you didn’t return the hoodie and I don’t know, I guess I figured that maybe this could help you with your sleep? They are both scented, and you can use them for a while if you want. I hope they can help you a little bit. And it’s not like an Omega thing if they do. Scent can help us all. If they stop smelling, just put them back on my bed and I’ll make sure you get scented ones again. We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. But it’s not weird and I just want to help.”

It was a truly bizarre feeling. To know how you would usually react to a situation and yet not feel like that at all. Jisung knew fully well that, had it been anyone else, he would have been angry. Extremely so. At what the message implied or the fact that Minho had just come in and left it out in the open for anyone to see. And yet, in that moment, he felt no trace of anger at all. Hell, he didn’t even feel embarrassed about being caught with the hoodie anymore.

He just ripped through the bag like a madman and brought the fabric to his face as if he had been starving for it for months. Everything around him became unimportant as he pressed his face into the freshly scented hoodie. He… God, he even inadvertently smiled where his face was pressed against it. He still didn’t know why Minho was doing any of this. He still didn’t want to even think about it. But, in that moment, he felt nothing but gratitude towards the older Alpha. Because somehow, this dancer from Gimpo who Jisung had met by a broken vending machine just a few weeks ago… somehow, he had become the first person in his life who seemed to really understand him, who seemed to look at him and somehow work out exactly what he needed… and somehow… for some strange unexplainable reason, that didn’t cause him to laugh at Jisung. He didn’t ridicule him, and he didn’t remind him how truly pathetic he was but instead quietly indulged him. In that moment, for the first time in his life, Jisung felt seen.

Chapter Text

They had just finished an absolutely gruelling practise and Jisung was laying on the ground, feeling as if he had used up every ounce of his energy. But he was satisfied. He knew he had done well. He knew he was improving.

The first day after Minho had left his hoodies and that note at the foot of Jisung's bed, Jisung had felt extremely uncomfortable walking into dance practice. He had been far too aware of what Minho knew, of what he had seen. He had been absolutely terrified that he would try and talk to him about it – despite what the note had said. Hell, if Jisung had been in his shoes, he would have certainly wanted a fucking explanation because well… what the fuck? But Minho had just smiled gently at him when he had walked into the room. And Jisung had found himself relaxing inadvertently when practice began, and he realised that Minho would not say a word.

He still sometimes thought about how objectively strange it probably was, the way they had just silently decided to keep going on with their lives as if nothing had happened. Not only hadn’t they talked about ‘the growling incident’ and what had gone down after, they now also weren’t talking about the fact that Minho was providing Jisung with freshly scented hoodies about once or twice a week.  

The first time he had “asked” for freshly scented hoodies had been mortifying. He had waited until he had been sure that Minho wasn’t at home and had then packed the “old hoodies” into a huge laundry basket with some of his stuff, hoping that anyone who saw him putting them on the older’s bed would just assume that they had somehow mixed them up in the wash. He had then gone on to spend the whole day thinking about the hoodies and worrying about what Minho’s reaction might be and whether he would ever actually get them back. He had kept one on his bed, just in case Minho had changed his mind since writing the note.

However, when he had gotten back to the dorm just a few hours later there had already been new hoodies waiting for him at the foot of his bed. At the sight of them, Jisung had almost burst into tears. He had almost blown all caution to the wind and jumped onto them so he could bury his face in the fabric. At that point, he had definitely already been addicted to the mix of coffee and vanilla.

As pathetic as admitting it made him feel, the hoodies were slowly but surely changing Jisung’s life. It was scary, the power the scent had over him. But it relaxed him immensely every time he tried to fall asleep. It made him feel safe, at home, as if he wasn’t entirely alone. For the first time in literal years, Jisung was managing to sleep regularly. And the effects were palpable. He had an appetite. He had more energy. He was far less anxious. He was feeling better. Better than he had in weeks, maybe months, maybe years.

It helped with his performance as a trainee. He sang better, he rapped better, he wrote better lyrics… Even his dancing was slowly but surely improving. Sure, maybe finally getting some proper sleep wasn’t the only cause for that… Despite their apparent agreement on not talking about anything, Minho’s soft spot for him clearly hadn’t disappeared and Jisung definitely still got more patience and attention than he deserved during practices. And yeah, that definitely helped with his dancing as well. But that wasn’t it.

Just the day before, Jisung had noticed Hyunjin watching him in the mirror during a dance, clearly meaning to say something but obviously nervous to do so. Jisung had taken a deep breath. “Do you have feedback for me?”, he had asked shyly. And the way Hyunjin’s eyes had comically widened had almost made him laugh.

“I…uh…”, the Omega had stuttered. “It’s not a critique at all. I just… When we do the last part, all of us extent our arms completely. And like the way you do it is fine and it’s probably just a style thing but yeah… if you wanted it to look more coherent, maybe that’s something you could consider.

Jisung had frowned and Hyunjin had visibly panicked. But before he could say anything, Jisung had looked up again and said: “I have to admit that I am not sure what you’re talking about. Could…” He had blushed. “Could you maybe show me?”

He had felt everyone’s disbelieving eyes on them as Hyunjin had stood up with an open mouth and had shown Jisung exactly what he had been missing. Everyone had seemed to be downright shocked at the development and honestly, Jisung couldn’t blame them.

But that had maybe been the biggest development since he had started to get some decent sleep: Jisung, Han Jisung was finally calming down.

Someone placed a water bottle on his stomach and Jisung smiled as he looked up, fully expecting Minho to smile back down at him and maybe even give him a compliment or two. The fact that they hadn’t talked about what had gone down between them, about what the fuck was going on between them at all, the fact that Jisung very much didn’t want to talk about any of that… all of it didn’t negate the fact that he very much still enjoyed getting compliments from the older Alpha. Which was… concerning to say the least.

But, this time, it wasn’t Minho who smiled down at him. It was Seungmin. Jisung blushed inadvertently and tried to busy himself by opening the water bottle and hastily gulping down some much-needed liquid, while trying very hard not to let his disappointment show on his face.

However, Seungmin had clearly not just brought over the water out of the goodness of his heart because he kept watching Jisung as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know whether he should. In the end, all it took was a raised brow from Jisung to get Seungmin to talk. “You’re sleeping better, aren’t you?” the singer asked.

And immediately, Jisung felt caught. Had someone noticed the hoodies? Had Seungmin put the pieces together? Would he tell Chan? Would he tell management? Fear began bubbling in Jisung’s chest and he felt how he instantly wanted to default to getting defensive. It almost felt as if everything was screaming at him to hurt Seungmin, to say something that stung enough for him to stop interrogating him.

But - and deep down Jisung knew that this was probably also an effect of finally sleeping - over the last couple of weeks it had gotten increasingly easier for him to supress his anger, to keep his cool through that initial response, for long enough to get past it. Because, in his gut, Jisung knew that this wasn’t Seungmin attacking him. Deep down he knew that he probably didn’t mean any harm by asking this question.

So, eventually, he managed to unclench his teeth. “Yeah.”, he mumbled and inadvertently felt how his eyes wondered through the room until they found Minho. The dancer was picking up his stuff, looking busy and as if he was very much paying them no mind. But Jisung knew him better by now. Jisung seemed to always be able to tell when Minho was tuned in to what he was doing, what he was saying, what he needed. He didn’t know whether Minho was even aware of it, but it still made him smile as he turned back to Seungmin. Knowing that Minho was listening to their conversation almost made it feel like a ‘Thank you’ when he said: “I really have been sleeping much better.”

For a moment he thought Minho might walk over to them. But then Chan suddenly burst into the room, a massive grin on his face and looking as if he could barely contain himself.  “We did it,” he pressed out and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it himself. “We are going to debut.”

***

Debuting turned out to be extremely hard, with even more packed schedules and even more people fussing about around them. But it was exhilarating as well. Chan tried his best to keep them humble, to remind them that the hardest part wasn’t done. That they would have to work their asses off to prove themselves as a rookie group. But it was hard not to get swept up by all of it.

The day that Chan had told them had definitely been the happiest day of Jisung’s life. He had felt as if he was flying. As if all of the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted off of his shoulders. They had done it. He had done it. He was going to be an idol.

That day, everyone in the room - each member of the newest JYP boy group ‘Stray Kids’ - had been screaming and cheering. Felix had been crying and had clung onto everyone within his reach. “I love you all so much,” he had sobbed over and over again and Jisung had suddenly found himself incredibly glad that Chan had asked the younger Australian to be on their team. He wasn’t just an extremely hard worker, an incredible dancer and had a wildly unique voice… in that moment Jisung also realised how important someone like Felix was and would be to keep the group together.

Chan had also been crying when he had hugged Jisung. “I can’t believe it,” he had sobbed. “So many years…”

Jisung had just nodded. He hadn’t trusted his voice, but he had known exactly what the older had meant. They had been there for so long… Chan even longer than him… They had moved away from their families, they had given up their youths, they had worked and worked and worked. It didn’t feel real to know that now, their trainee days were actually over.

Soon after, Changbin had collided with them and forcefully joined their little group hug as well. “3RACHA get spotlight,” he had said in English in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood even while his voice had been thick with emotion.

Chan had chuckled before quietly saying: “One day we will be on the big stages.” There had been so much sincerity in his voice that it had made Jisung shiver. “One day you will get to say that in front of thousands of people, I promise.” And finally, Jisung had felt a first tear drop down his cheek as well.

He had been full on sobbing when he had hugged Seungmin and Jeongin and even Hyunjin. “We did it”, the dancer had sobbed and somehow, it had only been in that moment, that Jisung had fully realised for the first time that he and Hyunjin shared the same dream.

He had tried and failed to get himself together before meeting Minho’s eyes. The older hadn’t been crying but even his usually stoic face had betrayed his emotion. He had slowly opened his arms and Jisung had half stumbled into them. Being so close to him, being able to smell him so clearly had had Jisung’s head spinning. In that moment, he hadn’t thought about anything but the fact that he didn’t think he could get any happier: Embraced by Minho’s strong arms and wrapped in his favourite scent while it slowly sunken in that they had really made it, that they would actually debut.

That same day, Chan had announced that they would be moving to a new dorm… to an apartment just for the eight of them. And just that announcement had almost caused Jisung to cry again. The sheer amount of relief he had felt, just at the prospect of finally getting out of his dorm had surprised even him. He had never truly realised just how much of a toll the ever-changing environment had taken on him.

Only a week later, his bags were packed, and he had half-assed some good-byes to his old roommates. His heart was hammering more than it had for any evaluation ever when he got into a car with Changbin and all of his stuff to finally, finally drive away for one last time. The moment he first stepped into the small apartment, he was almost overwhelmed with the urge to cry once more. He still couldn’t believe that he would have a home again. Not in the same way as in Malaysia, sure, but this just had to be better than the JYPE trainee dorms.

Chan had already told them that they had three rooms, one for two and two for three people and Jisung had figured that Felix and Hyunjin would share the small room while he would end up rooming with two of the others. He had considered asking Chan not to put him with Minho, scared that – after the growling incident - their leader might think that it could possibly even help him in some weird way. But in the end, he had been too scared to do it. He had been terrified that Chan would see right through him or that it would at least prompt him to ask more questions… questions that Jisung was sure he didn’t want to answer. So, in the end, he had just decided to rely on the hope that Chan would want to maximise productivity by getting 3RACHA together.

However, Chan surprised him when he announced that he had spoken to Hyunjin and Felix and that both of them had said that they were comfortable with mixed rooms. Jisung winced when he saw Chan’s gaze flicker over to him for just a split second. It was enough to tell him that he – Chan’s eternal problem child – had been the reason he had asked the Omegas. He swallowed thickly. Was he going to be roomed with the Omegas? Was that where this was heading? “It’s normal and…and like even healthy I think for Omegas to…” Minho’s words echoed in his head. Shit. Did Chan also see him that way?

But before his heart could shatter into a million pieces, Chan started to speak again. “So, what I thought we could do,” he said. “…is to have one room with Minho, Seungmin and Hyunjin…” He looked at those three and the two Alphas nodded.

“Works for me,” Hyunjin said and shrugged. But next to him Changbin raised a brow. However, he didn’t say anything. Not yet. For now, he seemed to just wait for Chan to continue.

“Great,” their leader said. “Then the second room would be Felix, Changbin and me and…”

“Nope.” That seemed to have been enough for Changbin. “Absolutely not. I am not sharing a fucking room with you and Felix.”

Chan just continued. “And then Jeongin and Jisung are together in the small room.”

Changbin stood up. “Don’t fucking ignore me.”

His words caused everyone to murmur something about “having to get their bags” and scatter from the living room. Jisung felt for Changbin, he really did. Hell, he himself would have probably been at least a little uncomfortable with only Felix and Chan as well. Of course no one was ever going to tell Chan, but he could really make you a little uneasy with his protectiveness even when he didn’t realise it. And then on top of that there was the undeniable fact that Changbin had probably hoped to room with Hyunjin and would instead now have to live with the fact that the Omega would sleep in a room with two other Alphas.

So, yeah… Jisung did truly feel bad for Changbin. And yet, at the same time, he couldn’t stop grinning. He absolutely couldn’t believe his luck. He was going to get a room together with just one roommate. And one roommate that didn’t even really have a scent yet. Of course that would change once Jeongin presented. But for now… It was a fucking dream come true. He looked over to Jeongin who was grinning at him. He also looked absolutely over the moon with this arrangement. Jisung beamed right back.

***

However, it turned out that it wouldn’t all be sunshine and butterflies just yet. Jisung groaned and pushed his face into one of Minho’s hoodies. He was laying in his new bed and just wanted to disappear. They could still hear Chan and Changbin arguing in the living room. Even though they had long dragged their bags into their room and closed the door.

“No!” Changbin shouted. “I understand why you gave Jisung and Jeongin the small room, okay?” His words had Jisung wince inadvertently. “And I get that the only way to make that happen was mixed rooms but why the fuck can’t you just swap me and Seungmin or something?”

“Because I don’t need you and Minho in one room again. That was bad enough back at the trainee dorms.”

Jisung swallowed. He hadn’t known that Minho and Changbin had apparently gotten into what? Fights? Disagreements?

“Binnie, do you not want to room with me?” Clearly, Felix had decided that it was time for a different approach and Jisung could practically see him pouting as he heard those words. But not even he and his sugar sweet tone could calm Changbin down.

“Oh, I absolutely would,” he replied sarcastically “But only if your guard dog here stops fucking glaring at me anytime I just so much as look at you. Swap me with Minho then!” The last part had definitely been directed at Chan again.

“Just shut the fuck up and move into the stupid room.” By now Chan sounded nothing but utterly exhausted. “Look, I know you care about Hyunjin but…”

“You don’t fucking know anything!” Changbin’s shout seemed to practically echo through the entire apartment. It caused Jisung to flinch so harshly that he almost knocked over the bottle of water he had just placed on the nightstand next to his bed. There had been more than just frustration in those words. There had been real and ugly pain.

For a few moments, the dorm was completely silent and Jisung almost expected Chan to give in after all. But he didn’t. Instead, he just lowered his voice to a piercing hiss. “Look!”, he said far quieter and suddenly Jisung felt as if he was intruding on their conversation.

“Hyunjin didn’t want you in his room, okay? He specifically asked me not to put you together if I decided on mixed rooms so, fucking stop whining and get your shit together.” There was a pause before he added, in a voice that seemed sharp enough to cut steel. “I don’t know what is going on between you two but if I just so much as get a hunch about you harassing any of the members in any type of way, I promise I will kick your ass and I won’t hesitate to throw you out of the door myself. Don’t fucking test me.”

There was nothing but the sound of the front door shutting and Felix quietly convincing Chan to go to their room after that.

Jisung waited twenty more minutes before he ventured out into the kitchen again. He told himself that he just needed to put his small stack of cold brew into the fridge and that he could then immediately go back into hiding again. He pushed open their door and… found that the living room was completely deserted. Clearly, Felix had been successful in his attempts and Changbin probably wasn’t back yet. Jisung let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he had been holding.

With a new spring to his steps, he turned towards the kitchen. Suddenly, he even felt a little excited about the prospect of having meaningful access to a fridge again. However, when he walked around the last corner, he immediately froze. There, in front of the brand-new stove, humming quietly to himself and happily stirring a pot, stood none other than Minho.

“Oh, Jisung…” he said quietly when he noticed him. He always seemed so gentle with Jisung, almost as if he was talking to a frightened animal that he didn’t want to scare away. “Do… do you want some Kimchi stew?” he asked carefully. “I’m preparing some for me and Hyunjin.”

“Oh…o-okay,” Jisung managed to stammer. He was definitely going to have to get used to Minho being in his proximity all of the time. Usually, he at least had some time to psych himself up for a dance practice together or a meeting… or whatever it may be. Now… well, now he would have to get used to just randomly running into him in the kitchen, or… well, anywhere in the apartment really. Suddenly, Jisung felt trapped again.

“Are you happy with your room?” Minho asked him quietly and tore him from his thoughts. It had Jisung struggle to form any sort of coherent thought. They had never really had a casual conversation, not about anything other than training.

Eventually though, he managed to nod softly. “It’s nice. It… it feels less ex…exposed.” God, what was he even saying? He felt like such an idiot.

Minho however, just nodded as well. “I know what you mean… The old dorms were a lot, weren’t they?”

“Yeah…” There was silence for a while, except for the small sounds the stew made as it was cooking. It smelled extremely good. Although Jisung almost found himself a little disappointed that it prevented him from smelling Minho’s scent more clearly. He wondered whether Minho had been stressed at the trainee dorms as well. Whether he had also had trouble sleeping. Suddenly, he felt bad for never asking. And then he remembered something. “Did you used to have fights with Changbin at the old dorms?” he whispered, and his voice was so small that he almost expected Minho not to catch what he was saying.

However, the way Minho’s shoulders tensed and his jaw set, told him that he did. “Not really fights,” he replied eventually. “But yeah, we would clash from time to time.”

Jisung just nodded again. He didn’t know why but, in that moment, it suddenly struck him that he barely knew anything about any of the members of his group. He hadn’t known that Changbin and Minho used to fight. He had no idea what was going on between Changbin and Hyunjin that would cause the Omega to ask Chan not to put them in the same room. It… It was almost unsettling, the feeling that came with the realisation that he had no idea who these people really were.

***

Still, after about a week Jisung decided that, overall, living in the new dorm was amazing.

Changbin had come back in the evening of that first day and had apologized to both Felix and Chan. Eventually, he had even reluctantly moved into their room. However, not without Chan promising him that he would try and be more aware of his territorial tendencies, even though he still refused to accept that he had them.

After that, there had only been a small fight between Hyunjin and Seungmin about some shampoo that they both claimed was theirs and that had been solved by Chan buying both of them another bottle.

Overall, they had all been relatively peacefully adjusting to co-existing in their new space. Their new space that had so much to offer, even if some of it was just small things like how their bathrooms were much, much nicer, even if not really less crowded. It had also turned out that Minho was actually quite the good cook and that Felix loved to bake. So, whenever they had time, they would fill the entire apartment with the delicious smell of a homecooked meal or freshly baked brownies and cookies.

Jisung also loved how, after that first week, their scents could be found all over the small apartment and how they never really changed. There was so much stability that had come with the new dorm. So much safety.

However, what Jisung hadn’t anticipated at first was how much harder it would get to hide his and Minho’s “hoodie deal” with all of them living together. Jisung would still occasionally bring a hoodie or two back to Minho’s room in the morning and without fail, he would find a newly scented one greeting him on his bed at night. But with every time they did it, he was growing more and more anxious about the others finding out.

Sure, it wasn’t exactly rare to find Felix wearing Chan’s hoodie or even Changbin’s oversized clothes. And, occasionally, even Hyunjin would “borrow” something from the other Alphas. But they were Omegas who nested and who had a natural desire to smell like “their” Alphas. Meanwhile, Jisung was an Alpha himself. And Alphas didn’t do stuff like that.

Just a few days after they had moved into the new dorm Chan had even gathered him, Changbin, Seungmin and Minho to talk about that fact. “I know that we are all still struggling to adjust,” he had said and had looked around the group. “And I know that all of you are aware that some things will inevitably change with this new dorm.” He had sighed. “With this apartment and our debut and all of our schedules, I understand that we are much more ‘on top of each other’” He drew air quotes around the last part. “And I am aware that with five Alphas in one group that will inevitably lead to tension.”

At that, Jisung had swallowed thickly, and the others had shifted uncomfortably. “We are not a pack or a family and therefore it can’t be helped that we will occasionally feel threatened by each other’s scents,” he had said. “But we will just have to communicate well to prevent that from causing any unnecessary issues.”

His words had caused Jisung to spiral again. Because yeah, the scent of another Alpha should appear threatening to him. And sure, sometimes it did. Sometimes he found Seungmin’s or Changbin’s or even Chan’s scent to be irritating, even distracting. But Jisung also had three scented hoodies of another Alpha on his bed, just so he could cuddle up with them at night.

To him, Minho’s vanilla and coffee didn’t smell like a challenge. It smelled like protection, like safety, like home. It calmed him. And yeah, he definitely didn’t want to think about that too hard. Just like he also semi-successfully ignored the fact that he sometimes felt equally as threatened by the scents of the Omegas as he did by those of the Alphas in their group.

Chapter Text

Okay, so yeah... Maybe something was wrong with Jisung. He definitely liked Minho’s scent way too fucking much. But by now, that was almost just a given. Of course, it still made him feel like shit when he thought about it for longer than two seconds, but he had also kind of almost made peace with the fact that it was just true. He liked Minho’s scent. He liked having it around himself. And he fucking really liked falling asleep with his face pressed into one of the older’s hoodies.

Minho didn’t seem to want to talk about it with him. He just quietly provided him with his clothes and Jisung silently accepted them. And yeah, that fact definitely made it a lot easier to just pretend that it was no big deal. Having the hoodies to sleep on also just genuinely helped Jisung so much that he got to a point where he had accepted it as a crutch and decided to just not think about it too much.

So, sure, by now Jisung was ready to admit that he liked having Minho’s scent in his bed. Not out loud obviously. Never out loud. But to himself? Sure.

He was also ready to admit that yeah, maybe there had been a time when he had potentially been a little dependant on it. However, in his defence, the hoodies had made it possible for him to really consistently sleep for the first time in years and so it had probably just been a natural reaction to latch onto them the way he had.

The thing was just that… well… by now that wasn’t really an excuse anymore. Jisung slept way better in the new dorm anyways. It didn’t make him feel unsafe in the same way the last one had and he found it so, so much easier to wind down and relax. He had even found that he slept well, no matter whether the hoodie that he wrapped around his pillow was freshly scented or a few days old already. And sure, that was a good thing. It had to be. But it also made his obsession with Minho’s scent all the more concerning.

He craved it. And it never felt as if it was quite enough. It was pathetic really. Because Minho still tried to get new hoodies to him at least one or two times a week, despite how much harder it had become with all of them under one roof. And even still, Jisung found himself wanting more.

He found himself walking around the dorm in the hopes of finding one just laying around. He found himself reluctant to give the hoodies back – even though he knew that Minho didn’t just have an endless supply of them and even though he knew he would get it back eventually. Hell, he even caught himself watching the dance leader wipe his sweat off his forehead with his sleeves and still wondering whether he could somehow steal his sweatshirt later. As if he was ever going to be daring enough to do anything like that.

He had only ‘stolen’ from Minho two times so far and both of the times he had basically had the older’s permission.

Once, Minho’s jumper had been on the chair Jisung had been about to sit down in to have breakfast. Without looking and without Jisung doing anything about it, Minho had said: “Oh, sorry that’s mine. If you want, you can put it away for me.” And Jisung would never admit that he had been giddy like a kid of Christmas morning while he had scurried away to his room with his newfound treasure.

The other time had been even more obvious. It had been a recording day and Minho had come in for his session wearing one of Jisung’s favourites. A dark hoodie that was both extremely soft and that always held onto the scent of vanilla and coffee for at least a few days. However, he had taken it off halfway through his session and had asked Jisung to take it - as if he couldn’t just put it somewhere in the recording booth.

That day, it had taken every ounce of Jisung’s self-control to not just press his face into the hoodie… in front of Minho, Chan, Changbin and all of the staff. They had not left the studio for hours and hours and he was absolutely exhausted. That day, the promise of Minho’s scent had sounded like heaven to him. In the end, he contended himself by using it as a pillowcase and making himself comfortable on the small sofa. Was that something that normal Alphas did? Definitely not. But could Jisung get away with just seeming extremely sleep-deprived and being desperate enough to use anything as a pillow? Apparently. Because no one had said a word. And eventually Minho had left, without his hoodie.

Sometimes, Jisung wondered what made Minho’s scent so special. He tried to think about how he felt about the others’ scents in comparison. But with the others, the way he felt about their scents pretty much exactly corresponded with how he felt about them.

Chan’s salt and wood felt familiar and in that almost reassuring. It didn’t make Jisung feel cared for in the way Minho’s inexplicably did, but it seemed to remind him that, no matter what, Chan would always be there.

Meanwhile Changbin’s scent reminded Jisung of rain hitting the pavement on a summer night. It made him think of walking home from the gym when the evenings were warm, of sitting on plastic chairs outside of a convenience store and laughing at bad JYP impressions while munching on instant ramen. It smelled exactly like what Jisung associated with his Hyung: Good times, but not necessarily anything you would want to bury your nose in.

Seungmin’s mint was even more perfect for how Jisung perceived the singer. Clean and diligent Seungmin who was always on time, always seemed to have his shit together and always seemed to maintain a professional distance that Jisung quite appreciated.

With the Omegas, it was a little stranger. Because their scents, Jisung should have liked a lot more than those of the Alphas. They still fit how Jisung saw them.

Felix’s chocolate and vanilla was gentle and sweet, even if maybe a little much for Jisung’s taste. Ever since the growling incident and its aftermath, Felix seemed to make a real effort to get closer to Jisung. He came up to him after practice, approached him during breaks and always invited him whenever he was going anywhere, whether it was the convenience store or a party.  When Jisung had noticed he had told himself that he would at least make an effort to let the kind Omega in a little. They were on one team now after all. He should at least try. And usually, they got along alright… meaning that usually, Felix just talked about everything and anything while Jisung nodded along. Of course he never said yes to an invitation to a party but he did occasionally agree to go for coffee or shopping with him and it was just uncomfortable and awkward some of the time.

Hyunjin smelled sweet as well. But his cotton candy scent reminded Jisung of his teeth being stuck together and that also made sense. He still hadn’t really warmed up to the older Omega and he didn’t really feel the need to either. He and Hyunjin were just too different. And maybe that was fine.

Still, it worried Jisung that he didn’t feel stronger about either of the Omega’s scents. Chan and Changbin seemed to like them well enough after all. And even Seungmin had awkwardly complimented Felix’s chocolate after the Australian had fished for a compliment for over an hour. Of course none of the Alphas talked about it as explicitly as Felix talked about how much he liked Chan’s scent. But maybe that was also just some weird privilege that Jisung had somehow earned.

“Isn’t this something you should talk about with Hyunjin instead?”, he had asked Felix after he had gone on and on about how Chan’s scent made him feel some kind of way in the middle of a busy café.

Felix had just sighed. “I mean… I do.” He had bitten his lips. “I would like to do it more honestly. But…” He had given Jisung a sad smile. “Hyunjin has enough on his plate already. He… I don’t think he wants to talk to me about Alphas right now.”

Jisung remembered how he had just nodded. He had had no idea what Felix had been referring to. And he had also had absolutely no clue what had made Felix come to the conclusion that Jisung was the better partner for such conversations. It wasn’t like Jisung ever contributed anything to them. But maybe it was just that he let Felix talk without interrupting him. Maybe that was all that the Omega wanted.

Jisung also remembered thinking about how he could see Felix’s side of things more than he could see Chan’s. Like sure, maybe Chan’s scent was a little cold for Jisung’s taste but when Felix excitedly talked about how it smelled like ‘power’ and ‘fortitude’, he could at least understand what he was getting at. How Chan didn’t immediately get a headache when he was surrounded by Felix’s scent on the other hand… God, Jisung very much hoped that that was just a result of him spending too much time with Felix and his endless praise of Chan. And he also very much tried not to think about it ever again… semi successfully.

“Do you want to walk home?” Felix tore him from his thoughts. Jisung looked up from where he was sitting on the ground of the dance studio and saw the dancer walking up to him with a big smile. “The weather is super nice, and it isn’t far at all.”

***

He should have taken the car.

Sure, a little walk home had sounded nice enough when Felix had asked him. It was only half an hour, and the weather really was quite mild. So yeah, when he had asked, Jisung had had no cause to object.

However, since then, Chan had caught wind of their plan (or that’s how Felix had phrased it, Jisung wasn’t quite sure that the Omega hadn’t just asked their leader). And while it wasn’t like Jisung didn’t want to walk home with Chan or Felix independently from one another, he definitely didn’t want to walk home with both of them together. Whenever Chan was around, Felix tried everything to get a reaction out of him. And he usually managed to embarrass Jisung in the process.

To make matters even worse, they had met Minho in the elevator and Felix had wasted no time asking the dancer to join them as well. Minho had agreed almost instantly. Leaving Jisung to be torn between being glad that he wasn’t the only one third wheeling anymore and being terrified of how Felix would humiliate him that day… not only in front of Chan but now also in front of Minho.

It had started out alright, with Jisung finding himself walking next to Felix and listening to him chat about this and that. However, soon enough, he realised that Felix had gotten close to him… far closer than they usually were when walking and Jisung had to supress the urge to groan. He really did not want to be involved in yet another one of Felix’s attempts to make Chan jealous. Also, it was cold. Far colder than the brightly shining sun would have you believe.

“You smell really good, you know?” Felix suddenly purred into his ear and Jisung rolled his eyes while he tried to just walk on as normally as possible even with the Omega now practically hanging from his side.

“Why do you always do that?” he hissed, his annoyance clear in his voice.

It didn’t seem to bother Felix at all. He just giggled. “Whatever do you mean?” His innocent smile would have fooled anyone. Not Jisung though. He just scowled.

“You know what I mean,” he whispered. “Why do you always try and get a reaction from Hyung?”

Felix just shrugged. He looked as innocent as ever. “It’s fun. And I like when I get his attention.”

Jisung was struck by how easily he said it. There was no shame in his words, not even a bit of bashfulness. He just said it as if it was just some fact, as if he had just told Jisung that he liked the colour green. Either Felix was way too fucking comfortable with Jisung or someone needed to teach this guy what other people deemed socially acceptable.

When Jisung didn’t reply, Felix pushed even closer. “Don’t you agree?” he purred again and Jisung felt himself turn red. Not because Felix’s seductive tone flustered him but because they were outside. In public! With Chan and Minho walking right behind them for fuck’s sake!

“Agree with what?” he hissed back through clenched teeth. God, he really should have taken that fucking car.

Felix just giggled again.  “Give me your wrist,” he suddenly demanded. “I want to smell.”

Jisung really was not equipped to cope with this kind of situation. What? Give me your wrist?! No one had ever asked him for his scent, and especially not just out on a street! Scenting was something that you did privately with your partner or at least someone you were very comfortable with. Behind closed doors!!! He stared at Felix. Was he serious?

Apparently so, seeing as he was still pouting at him. “Come on,” he whined and even made fucking grabby hands. “I want to smell. Please… Alpha.”

Well, that was that then. Jisung was just going to die. Either because Chan murdered him or because he spontaneously combusted with pure fucking humiliation. More out of the hope that Felix would finally stop his shenanigans than anything else, Jisung found himself lifting his arm awkwardly. Felix practically squealed with excitement and immediately reached for it.

Before he could grab it, however, someone stepped between them. In an instant, ice-cold dread was filling Jisung’s insides completely. It sent shivers down his spine and made it impossible to look up. He knew he was still bright red, and he definitely didn’t know how he was going to explain any of this to Chan. He whimpered, hoping that maybe he could at least illicit some sort of sympathy from the older. Hell, he wasn’t above whining and crying if it meant that Chan wouldn’t tear his head off. Or maybe Minho would take pity on him again. Maybe he would stop Chan from killing him.

However, when he had eventually gathered enough bravery to look up, he didn’t find their leader’s furious face. His jaw dropped. Because somehow it wasn’t Chan who had stepped between them. It was Minho.

“Hyung?” his voice was so high pitched and small that it caused him to wince. God, he was so pathetic.

Meanwhile, Minho’s expression was entirely unreadable. So much so that Jisung wasn’t sure whether he would gently chastise him for making Chan angry and quietly warn him not to do it again or whether he would rip him a new one for almost letting Felix scent him in public with their leader right there behind them.

He felt his eyes widen, when instead of doing either of that, Minho took his jacket off and held it out to him. “Put this on,” he said quietly. “You’re cold. I can see you shivering.”

Jisung couldn’t help but gape at him. What? He felt so many conflicting emotions that it made him dizzy. He was at the same time mortified and incredibly happy that he would get to have something else carrying Minho’s scent. He was also more than just a little confused. Was Minho trying to save him from angering Chan even more? Was he trying to distract him?

“Go on,” Minho thrust the jacket into his arms. “Put it on.” His tone caused Jisung to shiver again. It wasn’t angry, but it was getting there. It was… it was… it was almost commanding. And, concerningly, it made Jisung smile quietly.

“Thank you, Hyung,” he whispered when he slipped it on. It was big on him, more so than the hoodies ever were. And it smelled heavenly. He still had no idea what Minho had been trying to achieve or why he had been so adamant. But he couldn’t find it in him to care when Minho suddenly looked happy. When he looked happy watching Jisung in his jacket… Because… yeah, maybe that made Jisung feel a little bit insane.

“That’s what I mean.” Jisung almost jumped out of his skin when Felix suddenly appeared next to him again. “Fun, right?”

Jisung punished him by giving a light hit to his shoulder. He wasn’t exactly sure what Felix meant because he hadn’t actually seen how Chan had reacted to the whole situation. But Felix didn’t need to know that. Luckily, the Omega seemed to already be on a new mission anyways.

 “It is really cold though,” he said and pouted dramatically. “Can I maybe have your jacket as well, Hyung?” he gave Chan the most dazzling smile, but their leader didn’t even seem to notice that he was being talked to at first. It was only when Minho dug his elbow into his side that he looked up.

“Huh?”, he made and seemed genuinely confused as to why everyone was looking at him. It made even Jisung want to shake him. Sure, Chan always seemed to be a little dense when it came to Felix’s flirting but come on!

“I just said I was cold.” Felix’s pout looked absolutely heartbreaking. And it seemed to work… at least to an extent. Chan immediately looked extremely stressed. “We are almost there,” he tried to reassure. “I promise you. We can… we can walk faster maybe?”

Minho clearly had to fight to keep a straight face while Felix looked as if he wanted to throw Chan into the river. “How about you give Felix your jacket, Hyung?”, Minho managed eventually in a surprisingly gentle tone. “Look I gave Jisung mine as well.”

“Oh.” It was almost comical how Chan nodded and instantly took his jacket off so he could hand it to Felix. “Sure!”

Jisung couldn’t help but giggle ever so quietly when Felix finally put it on. He did feel for the Omega, but it was also admittedly funny to watch. Especially when Felix huffed as he turned back around to him. “’Sure’…” he mumbled. “Did you hear that? Would it hurt him to be at least a little more enthusiastic?”

***

The dressing room was a mess. They were waiting for their turn to perform at a music show, and everyone seemed to have decided that this was the moment to lose their minds. “Just leave me the fuck alone!” Hyunjin shouted and without having to look, Jisung knew that he was addressing Changbin. “I already ate, okay? I can actually do that on my own! Can you believe that? I don’t need someone constantly monitoring me.” Changbin replied something but it was drowned out by Jeongin suddenly beginning to sing ‘Baby Shark’ and Seungmin starting his vocal warmups. Meanwhile, Chan was working on his laptop, seemingly oblivious to the mess and the blonde Omega who was clearly desperate for some attention right next to him.

The only calm one seemed to be Minho who was relaxing on a sofa and playing around on his phone. Jisung couldn’t help but smile quietly when he noticed that the hoodie he was wearing was one of the ones, he had slept on for a good week before returning it just a day before. But then Felix seemingly gave up on Chan and walked over to the dancer. He sighed dramatically causing Jisung to bite his lips. He didn’t want Felix to bother Minho and he even considered whether he should try to intervene.

However, before he could do anything, Felix had already let himself fall into Minho’s lap. “I am so bored,” he complained, and it made Jisung’s blood boil. Minho had been relaxing! Could Felix not just leave him alone?!

“Entertain me,” the Omega whined and Jisung’s stomach took another hit when Minho laughed at his antics.

“Poor little Omega…” he cooed and even though Jisung knew that he was just mocking the younger, he still found himself clenching his fists. It wasn’t Minho’s responsibility to ‘entertain’ Felix. And Jisung hoped that he would tell him as much. But he didn’t. Instead, he just laughed again. “You need to tone it down. You smell like a fucking chocolate factory,” he said and while Felix blushed, Jisung had to fight the urge to walk over to them and push Felix off of Minho’s lap. The idea that there would be chocolate clinging onto that hoodie, instead of just Minho’s coffee and vanilla made him want to throw up.

“If you go on stage smelling like this, we’ll have Alphas storming the stage.” Minho laughed again, as if any of this was even just remotely funny. Jisung got up. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do but he definitely wasn’t going to just sit and watch Felix annoy the hell out of Minho for even a second longer.

In the end, he didn’t need to do anything. Just his action alone seemed to have reminded them that they weren’t alone in the world. Jisung flinched when Minho’s eyes caught him glaring. He knew he must have looked far too furious for the occasion. When Felix spotted him as well, Jisung almost ran from the room. Suddenly he felt extremely embarrassed. He knew that Minho could tell Felix to fuck off if he was bothering him. He knew that their dance leader definitely didn’t need him for that. So, what was he even doing?

Felix groaned. “This is so fucking unfair,” he complained. But Minho just kept his eyes on Jisung. “Sorry Lixie,” he mumbled. By now, he wasn’t laughing anymore. He wasn’t even smiling. He looked completely serious as he stood up and put the Omega on the sofa next to him. “I uh…” he began and Jisung had to force himself to look away when Felix’s eyes found him. He hoped that it wasn’t too obvious that he had almost exploded in the Omega’s face. “I actually promised Hannie that we would go over some of the choreo,” Minho eventually said. He turned around without another word. “Come on, let’s go.”

Jisung was shaking as he followed Minho out of the dressing room. He was still angry. Still at Felix, but also for some reason at Minho. God, he really hoped that this didn’t mean that his sudden bursts of anger would make a comeback. He hadn’t missed them.

As they were walking, Jisung didn’t look where they were going. But his eyes widened when Minho pushed him into a stuffed utility closet that was definitely not big enough to allow any dance lessons to take place. Not that he had believed that Minho actually wanted to go over choreo. Still, here, he immediately felt trapped as the door fell shut behind him.

***

“What do you want?”, he bluffed before Minho could say as much as a word. “Why are you trapping me in here with you?” God, he was so fucking angry. And it was even worse in the confined space of the closet. He hated how he didn’t feel like he could get away. He hated how close Minho was. And he fucking hated how the air in the room was not only permeated with notes of smoke, coffee and vanilla but also chocolate. Because Felix’s scent was still fucking clinging onto Minho. Because he had sat on the dancer’s lap and Minho had just happily let him. Because…

Jisung sucked in a sharp breath when he felt a cold hand gently wrap around his wrist. He stared in absolute shock and disbelief as Minho took it and rubbed it over his neck and his own wrists, essentially scenting himself with Jisung’s smell and in the process, erasing Felix’s scent completely. “I’m sorry,” the older whispered eventually. “Are you okay?” Minho was still not dropping his hand. “Do you feel better now?”

Jisung just looked at him in a daze. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked quietly. “I was clearly in the wrong.” He winced. Usually, he never admitted that.

Minho reached out a hand and gently let it rest against his cheek. “Still, it was obvious that my actions made you feel bad. And I wanted to make you feel better.”

Jisung couldn’t help but let out a small but desperate whine. Usually, he would have felt absolutely mortified at it but in that moment, he was too busy being torn between wanting to yank Minho’s hand away from his face and melting into his touch completely. “Why?” he whispered. “Why do you do so much just to make me feel better?”

Minho smiled but there was a sadness in it that broke Jisung’s heart. He let his hand drop. “I’m scared that if I tell you, you will freak out and run away.”, the older admitted quietly. He wasn’t even looking at Jisung anymore. “So, for now, let’s just stick to not talking about it, yeah?”

Chapter Text

Something had changed since the utility closet. It wasn’t palpable and it wasn’t anything he and Minho had talked about… of course it wasn’t. But it was undeniable. Jisung couldn’t put his finger on it… or well… whenever he tried, he started to feel like crying and inevitably gave up. But he knew that it was true. He knew that something had fundamentally shifted. And he didn’t know what he could do about it.

Sometimes, when he laid in his bed in the dark, late at night, with his face shoved into one of the older’s hoodies, he wondered how or… or rather when all of this had started. Because when he had first met Lee Minho at that vending machine… he had certainly not expected… well… this. Whatever “this” was.

He still tried not to think about that too much, about the nature of their “this”. He still tried to tell himself that none of it was weird or even remarkable or that it meant anything at all. However, if he was truly honest with himself… even he couldn’t really deny it anymore. There was something between him and Minho, something that went beyond simple friendship…

The reality of it always caused him to have to swallow thickly. But he didn’t feel anger anymore at the realisation. He wasn’t overwhelmed with self-hatred as soon as he allowed himself to think about it. No... Now, all that he felt was simple and yet complete and utter deflation.

It felt as if he was looking back at a time in his life when he had quietly messed up. Nothing loud or humiliating… nothing to scream about in the shower when the memory suddenly hit him out of nowhere. But something that he knew would have consequences for a long time, maybe the entire rest of his life. And it was the realisation that there was nothing he could do to undo it that just filled him with… well, with deflation.

“I’m scared that if I tell you, you will freak out and run away.” Wasn’t that what Jisung was already doing anyways? What was the difference between that and hiding stupid fucking hoodies and just how much they meant to him from the rest of his band? What was the difference between running away and pretending as if he had no clue that something was different between him and Minho?  

That was what had changed since the utility closet: Jisung had given up on truly trying to convince himself that he wasn’t feeling drawn to Minho in a way he had never been to anyone. And while, giving up hadn’t stopped the hatred inside of him, it did stop a lot of the fighting. Because what could he do? It was the plain and simple truth that he was broken beyond repair and that he was probably damned to live a life without ever knowing real love.

Those thoughts brought tears to his eyes when he had them. And not just because the idea of such a life sounded absolutely miserable to Jisung who had always craved to be loved more than anything else. They made him want to cry because deep down he knew that Minho felt the same way.  “So, for now, let’s just stick to not talking about it, yeah?”

‘It’… Minho hadn’t had to explain any further… Because the reality was that they both knew. Jisung wasn’t alone in his pathetic, unnatural and miserable crush. Minho was right there with him. And somehow, that made it so much worse. It was as if someone was dangling everything Jisung had ever wanted right in front of him, close enough for him to see it, to smell it, to practically be able to taste it… and yet it was never quite close enough to touch… always just out of his reach.

Because even if his feeling were truly reciprocated… it wouldn’t change anything. They would never be able to be… well, anything. There would have to be so much that would have to go right for them… the people around them would not just have to be more open-minded and accepting than most of the world, they would also have to be fiercely loyal not to say anything. Meanwhile, around everyone who was not in their immediate inner circle, they would have to hide and hope they would never get found out… because if they did, that would not just be the end of their careers but quite possibly the end of Stray Kids. Jisung would never put anything like that on the others, especially not on Changbin and Chan, who had been so kind to him and who had given so much for their dream…

He would like to say that he also didn’t want to risk his own career… but that would have been a lie. At this point, he knew that he was gone far enough that… had it just been him and Minho, he might have tried. If they lived in a world with just the two of them, a world in which Stray Kids never existed, where there were no parents to disappoint and no future on the line… Jisung would have long since given in. But that was not the reality they lived in.

To make matters worse… since the utility closet it had finally dawned on Jisung that Felix knew. He didn’t think that Minho had outright told him anything – though of course he couldn’t be sure. But it was obvious that the Omega had picked up on their strange bond. It explained why he had decided that Jisung was the guy to talk to when it came to Alphas, it explained why he had practically begged Chan to let Minho stay with Jisung after the growling incident and why he had hugged him so tightly the next morning.

Jisung had almost let out a loud sob when one night, he had realised that, that day when they had walked home form the studio, Felix hadn’t just tried to make Chan jealous, he had tried to trigger Minho as well and he had succeeded. “Fun right?”

Felix knew. He had worked it out just by watching them. Nothing had ever absolutely fucking terrified Jisung quite as much.

***

At first, Jisung had been relieved when he had heard about how almost everyone would use their upcoming days off to visit family and friends. Sure, he hadn’t been absolutely in love with the idea of Minho leaving the dorm for a few days at a time… but he had also thought that the distance would probably be a good thing. That it would help him in sorting out his feelings and thoughts… Well, he had been wrong.

Him and Chan were the only ones left at the dorm. And even though the rest of Stray Kids were really only gone for a long weekend, both of them had begun moping around the dorm as if someone had died about thirty minutes after everyone had left. Jisung couldn’t even really explain it, but as soon as the members had walked out of the door, a feeling of complete and utter emptiness had taken over him and he had found himself absolutely helpless to stop it.

Just after two days, he found himself staring at the hoodie on his bed as if he could thereby somehow force Minho to come back. And yeah, he knew that he was overreacting. But looking at the familiar fabric, he just felt like absolute shit. It had taken an almost deserted dorm for him to realise just how much simple and plain reassurance he got every time Minho left him freshly scented hoodies. It was almost as if every time he did it, he quietly said: See? I’m still not sick of you yet. And yeah, to others that might have been the bare minimum, but to Jisung it felt monumental.

There was more to his feelings though. More that hurt to admit. Jisung had never realised just how used he had gotten to having Minho around all the time. It showed in how wrong it felt to open the fridge and not see any containers labelled with his name, in how quiet the evenings felt without hearing the older come home and complain about sore muscles after yet another late practise with their dance team…

It was a scary reality. But Jisung missed those little things. He missed hearing Minho’s voice, smelling his cooking and seeing him smile. He missed that feather light touch to his waist that he had learned to expect when Minho pushed past him in the kitchen and he really fucking missed being able to ask for more hoodies. Hell, Jisung missed him.

He was still standing in the middle of the room and staring at the familiar pile of fabric that barely even smelled like Minho anymore, when there was a sudden knock on his door. “Sorry,” Chan muttered as he stuck his head inside. “I uh… I just wanted to ask… Do… Do you maybe want to order something and watch a movie?”

Jisung’s heart sank. He really didn’t. Not with Chan, not now, not away from the only little bit of coffee and vanilla he still had… But he knew the others’ absence was hitting their leader even harder than it hit him. By now he was close enough with Felix to know that him and Chan were in a similar dance to Jisung and Minho. That they hadn’t talked about anything, that they hadn’t even really acted on it yet… even though it was obvious that there was something there. So yeah, Jisung understood how Chan was feeling.  And he didn’t have it in himself to let him down. So, eventually, he nodded.

Chan cleared his throat. “Good… yeah…” He scratched his head. “That’s uh… that’s good.” He was hovering, and it was making Jisung increasingly tense. Suddenly, he found himself fighting the urge to snarl at Chan and slam the door in his face. And that just made him want to cry. He didn’t want to be that person that everyone hated. Hell, he fucking hated that person more than anyone else. Unfortunately, Minho seemed to be the sole source of his fucking self-control. God, he hated himself so much. He wanted to cry. But at least Chan left before Jisung could say or do anything that he would regret.

Still, as soon as the door fell shut behind him Jisung swallowed thickly. The thought of not immediately being able to curl up in his bed with the hoodie made him want to cry. But what could he do? If he… Jisung shook his head. No. There was no way Chan wouldn’t notice. There was no way Chan wouldn’t know.  But at the same time, in that moment, the idea of being anywhere without Minho’s scent sounded absolutely unbearable. So… Fuck it. Jisung took the hoodie and pulled it on over his head.

***

Chan was already waiting in the living room. He didn’t comment on the hoodie but couldn’t conceal the double take he did when Jisung walked into the room. It immediately made Jisung want to curl in on himself and hide. He was instantly second guessing himself and questioning why he would ever expose himself in such an obvious way. What the fuck had ridden him to just wear this stupid hoodie?!

Suddenly, he was scared that their leader would end up asking him… about the sweater, about Minho, about himself… But luckily, Chan just gave him a somewhat sad smile and waved for him to come sit down on their couch. There, he handed him the popcorn before pressing play and leaning back to enjoy the movie.

Jisung curled up on the couch beside him as soon as the theme music started playing and he could be sure that Chan wouldn’t start interrogating him. He buried himself in the soft and familiar fabric of the hoodie and closed his eyes. He wished he was in his bed. He wished he was alone. He wished Minho was there. His throat started to hurt and Jisung had to press his lips in an attempt to stifle any whimpers that may escape him if he thought about it for too long… About how he wished that it could all be so much easier for them, for him and Minho. About how he wished that they could just cuddle up on the couch the way Felix and Chan sometimes after a long day, with his head and Minho’s lap and Minho gently tracing lines in his arms… He wished that no one would bat an eye if they did. He just wished everything could be okay. Just for once.

But how could it be when Jisung himself was the problem? How could anything ever be okay when he was so fucking pathetic and unnatural? When he couldn’t even bring himself to wish that Minho was an Omega… because deep down he knew that part of the reality was that he didn’t like him despite his second gender… Minho being an Alpha was part of what he liked about him. How strong he seemed, how protective, how commanding…

Suddenly, Jisung felt exposed with the hoodie on. More so than if he would have been curled up naked on the couch. Because then at least it wouldn’t have been so obvious how disgusting he was, how much he wanted what he knew he should detest.

“Hey…” Chan’s voice was quiet from the other end of the couch, but Jisung still flinched at the sound. He didn’t reply. He just closed his eyes and pretended as if that meant that he disappeared.

“Jisung? I…” It was clear that Chan was worried but didn’t know what to do and Jisung hated himself for it. Why did he always have to cause pain for everyone around him? “Are… are you okay? It’s… it’s just your scent.”

Jisung felt nauseous at those words. “Your scent… your scent…” it was always “Your scent”. Why could his stupid biology not just shut up for once? What was the point in him learning how to conceal his feelings by going through all that pain just for his scent to expose him so easily?

“I’m fine.” He knew that Chan wouldn’t believe him. But he hoped that he would at least leave him alone.

Chan just sighed. He reached out to grab the remote so he could pause the movie. It looked like a superhero one. Jisung hadn’t been paying attention at all. “I miss them as well,” Chan mumbled eventually, and his tone had Jisung shudder where he was laying.

“They will come back,” he didn’t know whether he was trying to convince Chan or himself of that. It didn’t really matter anyways. They both needed convincing. Neither of them was truly believing of those words. Jisung had always been too selfishly trapped in his own mind to realise it… but somehow in that moment, he realised for the first time that Chan was as scared to end up alone as he was.

“I know.” Chan’s voice was rough, and there was a pain in it that Jisung had never heard.

He wondered whether he should ask about Felix, about why he wasn’t pursuing him more when he clearly loved him so deeply. But he was far too aware that Chan could ask the same question right back and… while he wasn’t exactly sure he would call what he was feeling for Minho ‘love’ quite yet… he definitely didn’t want to discuss the levels and details of it with Chan. So, he just stayed silent.

After a while, Chan shifted and Jisung thought he was going to turn the movie back on. But instead, he just buried his head in his hands. “I promise you that I won’t ever cause Stray Kids to break up,” he said quietly but so seriously that it caused Jisung to shiver once more. “I… I told myself that I would never get attached… ever again.” Chan shook his head and Jisung had to swallow thickly. “I… Too many left. In the end…” Chan choked. “In the end, I was always alone.”

Suddenly, Jisung found himself faced with an overwhelming urge to reach out to Chan, to hug him, to comfort him. Suddenly, he wanted to call all of the members and make them come back. But he didn’t do anything. He didn’t even move.

Chan looked up at him with a sad smile. “And then you came along.” He shook his head. “And then Changbin and Jeongin and Seungmin and Hyunjin and Minho… and… and Felix…” He huffed out a small laugh. “Somehow, we all found our way together, didn’t we? We made it.” A tear fell down his cheek and Jisung wanted to reach out and dry it. “That was the happiest day of my life,” Chan managed in a voice that was so broken that it tore Jisung’s insides to pieces. “The day I was able to tell you all that we made it.”

He huffed and wiped his tears away before he suddenly stood up. “Sorry, that was weird and random. I… I guess I have just been quite uh… emotional over the last couple of days. I… I didn’t want to put this on you. I’m sorry.”

And once again, Jisung hated himself. He wanted to tell Chan that it was okay, that he felt the same that Chan didn’t put anything on him and that he was there for him if he needed him. But for some reason his tongue simply just wouldn’t be moved.

Chan picked up the remote again. “You weren’t watching anyway, were you?” he asked and Jisung felt even worse when he shook his head. His reply earned another sigh from the leader. “I don’t know what I am doing,” Chan admitted quietly. “I… I promise that I am trying my best, but I really don’t know how I can be a good leader. I… yeah…” He looked to his feet.  “I think I’m going to sleep in Felix’s bed tonight.” A faint blush crept up his cheeks at those words and Jisung once again felt compelled to reach out and hug him, even though he still felt utterly unable to move. “I…” Chan looked extremely unsure at his next words. “I’m sure Minho, Seungmin and Hyunjin wouldn’t mind, if you took their room as well.”

And Jisung was too exhausted to do anything but give Chan a tired smile. “Maybe,” he whispered. Chan nodded. And they both wordlessly left the living room again.

***

Jisung felt like an intruder as he quietly opened the door. The room was unfamiliar. Far more so than any of the other places in the dorm. He spent most of his time in his own room or in the living room or kitchen. Occasionally, he hung out in Felix’s room or spent time there to work with Changbin and Chan. This room… this room he only ever entered to sneak in the hoodies that had lost their scent and then, he never stayed for long. He always just hurried inside and then immediately turned around to run away again, always too scared that someone would see him… He had never even taken the time to properly look around.

This room was definitely the tidiest of their dorms. Seungmin’s bed was in the far corner of the room, with his things orderly stacked at the foot and the clinical scent of mint only furthering that air of cleanness. Jisung sometimes wondered whether the discipline Seungmin seemed to display in every aspect of his life came naturally to him or whether it was a learned habit, something that he needed to force himself to do.

He frowned when he tore his gaze from the singer’s corner and let his eyes wonder over to the bunk bed on the wall opposite it. He couldn’t help but smile a little as soon as he saw it. It was just so obvious who slept where that it was almost comical. Hyunjin’s top bunk was prettily decorated with little trinkets and things, there was art on the wall and blankets stacked upon blankets to make a cozy little nest. And then there was Minho’s bottom bunk… completely hidden from sight by a self-installed privacy curtain.

To Jisung, the curtain perfectly encapsulated the essence of Lee Minho: Closed off at first glance, but in reality, so warm and so… safe. It felt wrong when he took it to pull it aside, but he kept telling himself that Minho wouldn’t mind… even if he didn’t actually know that at all. It was pretty creepy to just sleep in someone else’s bed without them knowing, wasn’t it? Especially when you did it, because you missed their scent? Suddenly, Jisung felt as if he was violating Minho’s private space. Maybe he should at least text him to ask? Sure, until this point, they had never talked about anything they’d done but this… this felt like another step further…

Jisung almost let the curtain fall back again when he was suddenly hit with a more intense scent of coffee and vanilla than he had ever been able to smell anywhere. His eyes widened. Shit. Without thinking about it any further, he slipped under the covers and closed the curtain again, suddenly terrified that the scent would escape.

He closed his eyes and wondered whether this was what his personal heaven would feel like. Just soft pillows and blankets and Minho’s scent everywhere. Here, the vanilla and coffee were so strong that it almost felt as if Minho had truly come back after all. As if he was right there, right next to Jisung. As if he was pulling him towards his chest… Jisung imagined him scenting him gently but possessively. He imagined him letting out a soft and low growl… not like the one he had given Chan, just a small one… just one that reminded Jisung that he wasn’t alone, that he was cared for, that he was protected.

Jisung let out a shaky breath.  God, how desperately he wished that what he wanted wasn’t so wrong. That he wasn’t so wrong. That he wasn’t so broken. God, how much he wished he could just be normal.

Chapter Text

To say that Jisung felt weird would have been the understatement of the century.

When the other members of Stray Kids had arrived back at the dorms, he had known that there had been no way Minho hadn’t been able to tell that Jisung had used his bed while he had been away. The scent had been far too prominent.

When Jisung had woken up that morning, he had at first just marvelled at how wonderfully content he had felt. After so many nights of struggling again, it had been downright incredible to finally be able to sleep soundly once more. And then he had sat up with a jolt. Shit. He had looked around and suddenly, all of it had come back to him, the reality that he had worn Minho’s hoodie around Chan, that Chan had basically told him to go sleep in Minho’s bed and that Jisung had just gone ahead and followed his advice. Shit! He had slept in Minho’s fucking bed!

He had immediately scrambled to get up, had opened every window and had tried his best to get rid of his own scent by shaking the pillows as hard as he could. But nothing had worked. Even after hours of trying, the smell of smoke had still been so strong that it had been as if Jisung had been chain smoking in Minho’s bed for days.

When the first members had started to come back, Jisung had gone into hiding on his own bed. He had closed his eyes and had just listened, wincing with every new voice he had heard. Suddenly, he had been far too aware that it wasn’t just Minho who would be able to smell him on his bed but Hyunjin and Seungmin as well. Oh God. He had been absolutely mortified.

When he had first seen Minho in the kitchen that evening, he had almost offered to change his sheets for him. But he hadn’t. He had been too embarrassed to say anything.

He had anticipated that Minho would just change the sheets himself, that he would maybe buy a scent neutralising spray and ask Jisung to pay for it… However, when he had stolen a glance into their room a few days later, he had seen that Minho hadn’t changed the sheets at all… even though the smell of smoke had still been undeniable.

So now… now Jisung just felt weird. Sure, he had kind of known that Minho somewhat liked him. And he had definitely been aware that the older had a soft spot for him. But it had never occurred to Jisung that Minho might like his scent as well. It seemed so absurd to him. His scent was so aggressive, so biting, so… well… Alpha. How could Minho even tolerate it around himself? Nonetheless fucking sleep in it.

He hated the knowing looks Hyunjin and Seungmin threw him whenever he was around them. Or maybe he was just being paranoid, and they had always looked at him like that. Great. So, Felix knew, Chan definitely suspected something if he let Minho take care of him after the growling incident, then saw Jisung wear the hoodie and even proceeded to basically suggest he should sleep in his bed… Jisung had told Changbin that he had almost asked Minho on a date… even if it had been jokingly and before he had figured out that Minho was an Alpha… and now Seungmin and Hyunjin knew that Jisung had slept in Minho’s bed while they were away… Great. So, at this point, the only one who maybe had at least a spec of respect left for him was Jeongin. How wonderful.

 ***

The backstage area at music shows was always a mess. There were people everywhere, no one seemed to have any idea who anyone was and every once in a while, a superstar would appear out of fucking nowhere and everyone would cause a scene… Maybe understandably so, Jisung had almost fainted when he had seen Tablo for the first time just a few feet away from him…. But still. It was a mess.

And to add to the chaos, they didn’t have their own bathrooms as rookies so they had to walk through the whole entire mess to get to the public restrooms and then walk back again and well, Jisung could really think of better ways to spend the minutes leading up to a big performance on national television. He groaned. He was just on his way back and while he couldn’t see them yet, he could already hear the other group that was up to perform with them in the corridor, probably taking group pictures or something and ugh… Jisung was not looking forward to walking past them. It was one of those groups that seemed to think that just because they had debuted under a big label, nothing could hurt them. Which was mind-blowing to Jisung since he also debuted under a big label and well… he lived his life in constant fear of all of it ending.

But maybe that was just a personal problem. He sighed and turned a corner and… almost ran into fucking Hwang Hyunjin. “What the fuck?!”, he hadn’t even meant to get loud, but he had absolutely not anticipated one of his bandmates just lurking in a corner, right in his fucking way!

“Would you shut up?!” Hyunjin’s clear anger caused Jisung to pause. He had not anticipated this kind of reaction. Sure, they were all nervous and before these big performances emotions sometimes ran high… but Hyunjin looked absolutely fucking hysterical.

Jisung was about to open his mouth to reply something, even though he wasn’t even quite sure what he wanted to say yet, when the reason for Hyunjin’s anger suddenly became apparent. “Oh, look at who it is…” one of the guys from the other band taunted and Jisung had to supress the urge to groan. This was precisely what he didn’t need on top of a very clearly very pissed off Hyunjin.

He turned around to face the guy and recognised him instantly. His name was Seokhyun, and he was one of the main rappers of the group… even if Jisung thought it was a stretch to even call him a rapper at all… And besides just being shit at his position, the guy was one of the least pleasant people Jisung had ever had the misfortune of meeting.

Next to him, Hyunjin let out a big sigh. “Just leave us alone,” the Omega said but there was a shakiness to his voice that Jisung had never heard. “We are just trying to get to our dressing room.”

Seokhyun laughed in their face. He had gotten uncomfortably close by now. It made Jisung want to curl in on himself. He wanted to run, to find Chan or even better Minho and hide behind them. But next to him, Hyunjin had started shaking and Jisung couldn’t bring himself to leave him alone with this guy.

“Your dressing room?” Seokhyun laughed again. “Isn’t that cute, guys?” He turned around to the rest of his group. All of them looked highly amused. Jisung wanted to claw their eyes out.

“It’s so sweet that you think you are a real idol, you know?” Seokhyun smirked and Jisung thought he had never seen anyone look quite this evil. And then… then suddenly everything escalated.

“You’re an Omega.” Seokhyun spat it in Hyunjin’s face as if it was an insult. “You’re meant to hang off an Alpha’s knot and carry his litter.” He sneered. “And you do, don’t you? That’s the reason why they keep your pretty face around, isn’t it? It’s certainly not talent.” Behind the guy his friends all laughed. “Everyone knows that your leader is banging the other bitch on your team… so it’s you and… let me think… four other Alphas, is it? Ugh… That must be a lot to take care of, right?” He put on his worst impression of compassion and his bandmates all laughed again. Jisung wanted to rip them to shreds. But he just stood there, frozen in his spot and completely useless while the guy kept coming closer to Hyunjin. “I bet it’ll get even worse when the late one finally presents as well… One Omega for five Alphas… Wow…” He sighed theatrically. “How lucky that you’re such a slut, right?”

Jisung really hoped Hyunjin would just slap him. But the Omega was still frozen in his spot right next to him. He had lost all colour in his face and his eyes were big and full of panic. Meanwhile the Alpha just kept invading his space. “I bet this one just had his way with you in the bathroom, didn’t he?” he said lowly and nodded towards Jisung. “I bet you dropped right to your knees. You were always such a slut for cock in your mouth, weren’t you?”

He came even closer. “But I bet his little dick is pathetic. I bet you miss the real thing, don’t you? I bet you close your eyes when they fuck you and regret the day you left to pursue ‘your career’… Be realistic Hyunjin. You’re nothing but a bitch and that’s all you’ll ever be.”

That was the final nail in the coffin and suddenly Jisung snapped out of it. “Hyunjin let’s go,” he said as determinedly as he could. He was absolutely not going to start a fight with any of these guys. But he at least needed to get Hyunjin out of this situation.

“Yeah, Jinnie,” Seokhyun shouted even as the Omega finally let himself be led away by Jisung. “Go with your ‘bandmate’” The emphasis he put on the last word had his friends laugh again. Meanwhile, Jisung felt Hyunjin next to him curl into himself as if someone had punched him in the stomach. Jisung swallowed, he knew the pain that Hyunjin was feeling all too well. But he still didn’t know how to help him. He had never felt quite this helpless in his life.

“Who was he?” he whispered as soon as they were far enough away. He really wanted to hug Hyunjin, but the only time he ever had, had been on the day they had debuted. And he wasn’t sure that what the dancer needed in that moment was sudden affection from Jisung.

“No one,” the Omega just scoffed and sped up his steps.

“He certainly didn’t sound like no one,” Jisung mumbled while trying to keep up with the taller. “You should report him, dude.” Jisung bit his lip. “He sounded fucking dangerous.”

“Ha!” There was not a trace of humour in Hyunjin’s voice. He suddenly stopped and he looked downright lethal when he turned to Jisung. “And what if I do?” His voice was so piercing that Jisung instinctually backed away. “Do you really think anyone would give a shit? Wake up Jisung. It’s not that simple.”

Jisung swallowed. Suddenly, he was hit with the urge to cry again. But he wasn’t going to! He couldn’t! “He… he…” he stuttered instead. “He can’t just say those things to you.” He knew how stupid he sounded. He knew first hand that that was absolutely not how these things worked.

Hyunjin laughed again and once more, there was not a trace of amusement in the sound. “You don’t understand it,” he spat. “You’re an Alpha. You will never understand it.” Suddenly, Hyunjin looked dangerous as he was walking Jisung back into the wall. “We always get treated like this, Jisung. Everyone around us always says that we should be so grateful that we even made it here because they usually don’t let Omegas get this far.”

He grimaced and seeing the raw pain in his eyes made Jisung sick. “Everyone seems to think that we need to just accept all the abuse we get because hey! At least we’re here, right?” He scoffed. “You have no idea what they put us through every fucking day. They put us in clothes we are not comfortable in. They market us into being sex symbols because what else could we possibly be? They make us change around Alphas that we don’t fucking know. They don’t give a shit about us at all.” He turned around again and began walking towards the dressing room once more. “Nothing would fucking change if I told any of them.”

Jisung bit his lips. He still felt so, so fucking helpless. And on top of that he felt more selfish than he ever had. He had always been so absorbed in his own self-pity, in his own self-hatred that he hadn’t even realised what Hyunjin and Felix were being subjected to. At least he could hope to hide the things that made him different, that could possibly make him a target in other peoples’ eyes. Hyunjin couldn’t.

“You should at least tell Chan… or… Changbin,” he mumbled eventually, right when Hyunjin had reached the door and had put one hand on the handle.

Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say. Within a second, Hyunjin was in Jisung’s face again. “Don’t you fucking dare and ever mention this to Changbin,” he said quietly but so threateningly that it made Jisung shiver.

“Okay,” he croaked. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Hyunjin was quicker. “And don’t you fucking dare fret over me, understood? I can handle myself just fine. I don’t need saving. Especially not from you.” He snorted. “Stay out of my business and I will keep pretending that I don’t know whose arms you’ll run to.”

It was a slap in the face. But it was one that Jisung knew he deserved. “At least tell Felix, yeah?” he whispered hopelessly. “If you tell Felix, I promise I won’t tell anyone else.”

***

Minho was worried and Jisung hated it.

After he and Hyunjin had re-entered the dressing room, Minho had immediately pulled Jisung to the side. “Everything okay?”, he had asked, and his eyes had searched every inch of Jisung’s body for any potential damage.

“Do I look that bad?” Jisung had joked weakly, but he had known that Minho could already see the tears forming in his eyes. The older had snorted and had turned around to excuse the two of them, before grabbing Jisung’s hand and pulling him out of the room towards the utility closet they had already hidden in once. Jisung had barely been able to see how Felix had pulled Hyunjin into the heartfelt hug Jisung had wanted to give him earlier, before he had been led out of the door.

Once, they had been alone in the utility closet, it had taken less than a second before Jisung had broken down into desperate cries. “I’m such a bad person,” he had sobbed into Minho’s shoulder over and over again. “I am such a fucking bad person.”

Minho had hugged him as tightly as he could. “You’re not, Sungie,” he had said just as often. “I promise you that you are not.”

How long they had spent like that Jisung hadn’t been able to tell. But when he had calmed a little, eventually, Minho had asked what had happened. But Jisung hadn’t replied. Of course he hadn’t. He had promised Hyunjin that he wouldn’t.

He had expected Minho to ask again. But the older had just pressed his face into the crook of his neck. “You smell of another Alpha,” he had said quietly and Jisung had shivered. If Minho could already smell Seokhyun on him, he didn’t even want to think about how obvious the scent had to be on Hyunjin.

“It wasn’t about me,” he had just quietly replied, and Minho had pulled him against his chest again.

In the days that followed, it had become obvious that it wasn’t just Hyunjin and Jisung who were affected. It was all of them. And it all seemed to reach its breaking point one night, when Jeongin and Seungmin had gone out for dinner with some of their friends from other companies.

Jisung was enjoying having the room for himself by just lying in bed with his eyes closed and his nose buried in one of Minho’s hoodies when suddenly, a door was thrown shut with a bang. “Stopp fucking controlling me!” Hyunjin screamed somewhere in the apartment and without having to wait for a reply, Jisung knew that he was screaming at Changbin.

Changbin’s relationship to Hyunjin would probably forever remain a mystery to Jisung. One moment, they were going out for lunch together and flirted with each other so much that even Felix would tell them to tone it down. And in the next, they were screaming at each other. Like now.

“I am not trying to control you!” Changbin yelled back. “I am just fucking worried! And you can’t blame me for that!”

“Oh? So, now it’s my fault that you feel like you need to get involved in my business?” Hyunjin sounded absolutely furious.

“Well, yeah?” Changbin seemed just as angry. “You fucking refuse to take care of yourself!”

Jisung wanted to disappear. He didn’t want to hear them anymore. He hated this so, so much. While he was genuinely glad that Hyunjin had someone who was willing to protect him. He wanted to tell Changbin that what he was trying to do wasn’t working. That he was just causing Hyunjin to build his walls higher and higher. But he also knew that it wasn’t his place to say anything and that, even if he did, Changbin wouldn’t stop.

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself thank you very much.”

Jisung winced when Hyunjin’s voice was suddenly even louder than before. He looked up and was surprised to find a very hesitant looking Minho sticking his head inside of his and Jeongin’s room.

“They are fighting in our room,” the older mumbled hesitantly. “Can I come and hide in here?”

It was a weak excuse. They also had a kitchen and a living room as well as Chan’s room where Minho could have taken refuge. But Jisung understood him. He also didn’t want to be alone. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Sure.”

He didn’t know whether he was glad or disappointed, when Minho sat down on Jeongin’s bed instead of Jisung’s own. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the fighting was still too loud. “Oh, I am sure that you are perfectly capable of it!” Changbin now snarled. “But you don’t fucking do it!”

Jisung wanted to shake his friend. As if any of this would help!

“What happened that day?” Minho asked quietly and interrupted his thoughts. But Jisung, once more just shook his head. “I’m so sorry Hyung,” he whispered. “It wasn’t anything to do with me. So… it’s not my place to tell.”

Minho nodded. “I figured,” he admitted quietly. “Changbin asked me the other day if I knew what happened. Apparently, Hyunjin isn’t talking either and Felix refuses to tell Chan.” He paused and looked at his hands. “It…” he hesitated. “It’s hard for us.” His voice was so quiet that Jisung almost didn’t understand him amidst all of the shouting. “We want to protect you guys. And… and we feel like we can’t.”

In that moment, Jisung felt so, so guilty. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled once more. “It’s really not my place to tell.”

He knew that at some point he should probably at least bring it up again with Hyunjin or… or at the very least with Felix. Deep down he knew that he should at least make sure that Hyunjin was safe, that that asshole couldn’t actually touch him. But he didn’t know how. He knew from his own painful experience that other people involving themselves could often make everything jusr so much worse. So… he hadn’t done anything yet.

“Guys, please! I don’t know what is going on, but this is not helping.” That was Chan. Jisung knew that the palpable tension was affecting him as much as anyone else if not even more. He knew that as their leader, Chan felt a responsibility to make sure all of them were okay. And, well… there was also what he had said when they had been alone at the dorm… I promise you that I won’t ever cause Stray Kids to break up. Deep down Jisung knew that he had meant more by that than just not kicking any of them out. Deep down he knew that Chan would think of it as his personal failure if any of them ever left.

“Jinnie, do you want to come to my room for a little?” That was Felix’s voice. Jisung winced. He wished the Omega would get involved less. But he also knew that he couldn’t help it. The desire to be a peacekeeper for the group was as entrenched in Felix as the desire to protect them was in Chan. And the fact that his attempts almost never really helped didn’t change that.

“We are not a pack!” Chan’s loud voice made Jisung wince again and this time even more harshly than before. “And you are certainly not the fucking Pack-Omega, okay?” At that, Jisung’s eyes widened. He looked across the room and met Minho’s absolutely incredulous stare. Chan was shouting at Felix… Jisung swallowed. Fuck. “Stop trying to get involved!”

It was eerily quiet for a few moments while everyone was seemingly stunned in absolute silence. Then there were rushed footsteps and just a moment later Felix was flying through the door of Jisung’s room. He was crying and Jisung immediately felt the overwhelming urge to cry as well. He opened his arms and less than a heartbeat later Felix was clinging onto him.

“Why doesn’t he want me?” he sobbed, and it sounded so desperate that it felt as if it was tearing Jisung to shreds. “Why doesn’t he want me?” There was so much pain in his voice that Jisung couldn’t hold back his tears any longer.

He had desperately clung onto Felix as if he could thereby somehow ease his pain for only a few moments before the shouting started again. It seemed to be even louder than before. Minho walked across the room and crouched down in front of them, with his arms on each of their backs, but even his shielding position and his comforting scent couldn’t make all of it disappear.

“I’m so sorry,” Minho mumbled after a while. “I wish I could protect you better.”

***

The fight was never truly resolved, and the tension didn’t stop after that. On the contrary, Changbin and Hyunjin seemed to be arguing even more and judging from how many nights Felix spent in Jisung’s bed, Chan and Felix also clearly still hadn’t made up. By now, the tension was also seemingly affecting Seungmin, who began snapping at everyone about any little of his things that weren’t exactly where they were supposed to be. And even Jeongin could clearly tell.

Minho seemed to deal with it all by hovering around Jisung and Felix more, by leaving hoodies seemingly everywhere for Jisung to pick up and by cooking and feeding Felix, Jisung and Jeongin until they felt ready to burst.

Meanwhile, Jisung tried to be as helpful as he possibly could be for everyone. He accepted more affection from Minho when he realised that it was calming the older. He tried his best to explain to Jeongin what had happened on the night they had been away for their dinner. And he let Felix sleep in his bed as much as he wanted to.

When Felix had first come into Jisung and Jeongin’s room one night, asking to share with Jisung, Jisung had been uncomfortable to say the least. His bed was his safe space, especially when he was sleeping and the idea that he was supposed to share it with somebody else had terrified him. However, Felix had looked so utterly broken and miserable that Jisung hadn’t found it in himself to turn him down. He had scooted to the side and had allowed the Omega to slip underneath the covers with him.

It was only then that Jisung had realised with a jolt that they were now both sharing Minho’s hoodie as their pillowcase. Fuck. Felix must have felt him tense because he cuddled closer. “I can leave if you want,” he said hesitantly after a little when Jisung still hadn’t relaxed.

“No… uh… It’s okay…” Jisung had mumbled back. He had wondered whether he could somehow get the hoodies inconspicuously away from Felix by just shifting around a little… but clearly, he hadn’t been as inconspicuous as he had hoped. 

“Oh,” Felix had made. “Sorry. I didn’t even realise that… I’m sorry.” He had lifted his head and had looked expectantly at Jisung. “Go on. I get it. They’re yours. I… I am already intruding I… I didn’t mean to…”

Jisung had sighed but he pulled the hoodie away to his corner. Because well… what was the point of denying it. “I had kinda hoped you wouldn’t notice,” he mumbled, and it had caused Felix to giggle.

“You’re my best friend,” he had said while he had cuddled closer again. “You can’t hide from me.”

And Jisung had forced himself to smile, even though the familiar lump in his throat had suddenly been back again. “You’re my best friend.” Well, shit.

One morning, Felix had gotten himself ready in Jisung’s and Jeongin’s room for their dance practice when he had caught Jisung sleepily staring at the hoodie on his bed.

“Just wear it,” he had told him and had given him an encouraging smile. “It’s not a big deal.” Even though, of course it was.

“I… I can’t,” Jisung had mumbled back. “I just can’t.”

And yet, somehow his desire to keep Minho’s scent close seemed to increase with every day. With each passing day, he found himself wondering into Minho’s room more and more, sometimes even when Hyunjin or Seungmin were in there, just to steal another piece of clothing from the older. It got even worse, when Felix finally began sleeping in his own bed again and Jisung could basically build a wall of Minho’s scent around him.

 “Do you ever even wear those?” Seungmin had laughed when he witnessed Jisung stealing yet another shirt and the ease with which he had said it, had somehow been more soothing to Jisung than all of the support Felix had ever shown him.

And so, one day, he just did it. He saw Minho’s eyes widen when he walked into the dance studio wrapped in one of his favourite hoodies. It made Jisung feel… almost proud. And when Felix winked at him and said: “Nice hoodie.” Jisung didn’t feel caught or pathetic. He just winked right back. “Yours too”. Because that was definitely Chan’s, and he was so glad Felix seemed to have at least reconciled a little with their leader.

Practice was as gruelling as always. But by the end, Jisung felt filled with energy. None of the others had said a word about the hoodie and he was basically ecstatic with the idea that he could possibly do this more often, that he could maybe get away with it!

But then… Then Chan got up and ruined everything. “I just wanted to let everyone officially know… even if most of you have probably already noticed” he began and Jisung frowned. He had no idea what their leader could possibly be referring to. “Changbin and Minho will take their rut leave soon.” Oh. Oh. Oh fuck no. Jisung looked down at the hoodie he was wearing. And suddenly, he felt overwhelmed with shame and self-hatred again.

Chapter Text

Jisung hated himself, more than he maybe ever had. So, that was why Minho’s hoodies had smelled so much more intense recently. That was why he was craving them so much more. That was why his bed was currently overflowing with the older’s clothing. Because Minho was going into fucking rut. Because his body was already trying to entice potential mates. And because apparently Jisung found that extremely sexy. Why? Why did he have to be such a freak of nature?

He was fighting tears even as he was standing in the kitchen and pouring steaming water over his instant ramen. He just wanted to crawl into his bed and hide from it all. Hide from the reality that not only Minho knew that Jisung was affected by the scent of his rut, which would have been humiliating enough, but that both Hyunjin and Seungmin had seen him steal his hoodies as well and that now the whole group had seen him wear one of them… He felt disgusted with himself. He felt exposed. He felt worthless, in the worst way possible.

And he hated that he couldn’t even hide. He hated that even in his room, Jeongin would be waiting on the other bed. He hated that anyone could just walk into the kitchen at any point. He missed his childhood bedroom and he wondered why he had ever even left.

What if Felix was going to crawl under the covers with him later so he could ask him about it? What if Chan decided that it was time for an intervention? Jisung had to supress a sob, even just at the idea. He felt so fucking weak and so fucking helpless.

“Hey… Sungie.” He winced. Well, that was certainly the worst-case scenario. Why? What did he do to deserve this?

“I uh…” Minho’s voice was extremely soft as he slowly, carefully walked into the kitchen but it still made Jisung want to run. Every alarm bell in his head seemed to go off at the same time and suddenly, it felt like the room they were in was tiny and absolutely inescapable.

Either Minho had guessed his feelings, or he was just unsure what to do but he stopped and looked to his hands when he continued. “I uh… I know we kinda don’t talk about it…”

Then why are you here? Jisung wanted to scream in his face. This wasn’t the moment, was it? This wasn’t the moment in which Minho decided to pop his little bubble. It just couldn’t be! He wanted to cry. He wanted to throw a tantrum. He wanted to blame Minho for not telling him that he was going into rut, even though he himself was clearly the deficient one. He just wanted to do something, anything at all.

“But… but…” Minho stuttered. “I saw that you had left hoodies this morning but that was before Chan said and well…” He squirmed where he stood and with a jolt, Jisung suddenly realised that Minho was uncomfortable. He frowned and felt how guilt began licking at his insides. He knew he had no right to be mad at Minho, he knew that he just didn’t know how else to deal with his emotions, with his abnormality.

“I mean…” the older continued uncomfortably. “You probably already smelled it on my last ones… it’s just that I uh… you know this close to my rut the scent kind of uh… changes and I… I just wanted to make sure you still wanted the hoodies before I contaminated your bed with a scent you don’t want there.”

Jisung closed his eyes. God, he really hated himself so much. But he also felt as if he owed it to Minho to be… well, honest… and… and as if he owed it to himself as well. So, he gathered his bravery and shook his head. “No uh… It’s… it’s okay.” His voice was high… far too high. “I… I don’t mind.” They smell even better now, he almost added. He doubted that it would have even surprised Minho if he had.

The older gave him a small, far too shy smile. “Okay,” he said softly.  

The conversation was over. It clearly was. But neither of them moved. Minho just stood there with a faint blush still painting his cheeks in the prettiest pink and Jisung was frowning. Seeing Minho like this, he couldn’t help but feel as if the older looked extremely vulnerable. And, suddenly, a feeling of worry slowly but surely crept into his system.

He remembered the only time he had ever had his own rut. He remembered the pain, the terrifying loss of control and how emergency personnel had to come to sedate him. He swallowed and tried not to imagine how much pain Minho would be in… how alone he would be in that pain…

“Will… will you be okay?” He had asked it so quietly that he knew there was no way Minho had even heard him. But he still winced when Minho looked up. “Hm?” The older’s eyes were so soft that it made Jisung want to reach out and pull the other Alpha close to him.  

“Your… your…” He couldn’t bring himself to actually say it but luckily, Minho finally seemed to understand. “Oh.” He scratched his head. “I mean yeah… They… they give us hotel rooms so that I can get room service but won’t like… you know… accidentally hurt anyone.” He paused. “I’ve spent most of my ruts alone. I’ll be fine.”

Most. The word burned like ice when Minho said it. The reality that there had been people - Omegas - who Minho had spent his ruts with. The reality that there would undoubtedly be more, even if not necessarily this time. God, why was Jisung so fucking pathetic? He still forced himself to nod mechanically, even through his once more misplaced hurt and envy.

“Is… is there anything I can do to like… help?” As soon as the words had left his lips, Jisung panicked because that was certainly not what he had been implying. He just knew that Minho would be in pain. And despite knowing that realistically, there wasn’t much he could do about that, he had at least wanted to have offered his help. Minho was always so sweet and patient with him, how could Jisung not want to return the favour?

Minho’s cheeks blushed red. “I… uh… You… You don’t have to, of course, if… if it’s like uh… too weird for you. But… uh… I… I mean I was kind of planning on taking some of the hoodies you have borrowed.”

Oh. Right. Oh God, how mortifying. Of course, Minho would just want his stuff back. Hell, by now Jisung was hording what had to be most of his sweatshirts on his bed. “Just tell me which ones you need,” he said and tried very hard not to let his pathetic disappointment show. “I’ll wash them.” He gave what he knew to be nothing but a pathetic attempt at a smile.

However, in front of him, Minho just blushed even worse. “I… No…” He buried his face in his hands. “Oh God, this is so creepy and embarrassing. Blame it on my rut, okay?” He gave an apologetic smile. “But I… I meant hoodies of mine that you have worn that… uh… that still carry your scent.”

Oh. Oh! Now it was Jisung’s turn to blush. He tried to contain himself, to not let his facial features betray the hundreds of fireworks that erupted in his chest at those words… but he couldn’t help the smallest of smiles that had crept onto his lips. “I uh… Tell me which ones you’d like me to wear then?”

***

It was the first night since Minho and Changbin had left the dorm and Jisung was lying awake. Was it surprising that he couldn’t sleep? No. Was it pathetic? Sure. Was he used to it by now? Unfortunately.

He groaned and rolled over on his other side where he could press his face directly into one of the hoodies Minho had left for him. Their “farewell” that morning had been nothing but absolutely mortifying for both of them.

Jisung and Felix had been hanging out on Jisung’s bed, or well… Jisung had been hanging out on his bed, Felix had dragged a kitchen chair inside. By now, Jisung was pretty convinced that having an Omega consider you their “best friend” definitely had its perks. He wasn’t sure that Changbin or even Chan would have understood the sacredness of the exact scent of the pile of fabric on his bed, without him having to even say anything. But Felix had just wordlessly dragged his little chair inside and when Jisung had raised a brow, he had only shrugged and said: “I like my head where it sits on my shoulders.” He had winked. “But don’t worry I’ll be back under your covers as soon as all Alphas in this dorm are back to normal.”

Jisung had laughed at that, and it had struck him again how easy all of this felt with Felix. One of these days, he would have to tell him how grateful he was for it. But until then, he hoped that the Omega understood without words. They had been happily chatting away, when someone had suddenly knocked, and Minho had stuck his head inside. “I uh…” he had said, and the blush of his cheeks had already told Jisung everything he needed to know.

Before either of them could say anything however, Felix had gotten up. “Jeongin!” he had said and had pulled the headphones off of the Maknae where he had been lounging on his own bed. “I bought this new game, but I can’t figure out how to install it. Do you think you could help me?” And Jisung had thrown Felix a finger heart when, only a moment later, the two of them were closing the door on their way out.

“Sorry,” Minho said before they were even out of earshot. “I didn’t mean to just barge in but… uh…it’s… you know… starting pretty soon and so I am going to leave now and…”

Jisung had smiled up at him. Somehow, hanging out with Felix always seemed to instil a weird confidence in him. “I’ll trade hoodies for hoodies,” he had said and there had been a strange, fluttery feeling in his stomach when his words had caused Minho to smile as well. “Good thing I still found some that you haven’t snatched away yet.” He had held up a little bag that he had been hiding behind himself.

Jisung had been blushing furiously when he had begun to gather the hoodies around him. “It was for your benefit as well,” he had complained quietly, and it had caused Minho to chuckle again. However, he hadn’t denied it.

“Thank you,” the Alpha had softly said when Jisung had finally managed to hand the stack over. It had probably been too many for Minho to actually pack but oh well… He had still felt a weird sense of accomplishment as he had given them to the dancer. Because Minho had asked for them and Jisung had provided. And it wasn’t often in Jisung’s life that he felt genuinely helpful.

He had swallowed thickly when he had looked up from the hoodies after a while and had realised that he was standing right in front of Minho. Like… right in front of him, too close to be casual. But neither of them had moved.

“Can I hug you?” Minho had finally hesitantly asked and Jisung had found himself nodding before he could even stop to think about it.

“Come back quickly, yeah?” he had said quietly, with his face pressed into the crook of Minho’s neck, right where the coffee and vanilla were the strongest. He had felt Minho pull him even closer and had smiled quietly against the skin, before he had admitted: “I sleep better when I know you are in the dorm.”

He wondered whether Minho was also awake, whether his rut had already started. He and Changbin had seemed relatively okay when they had left but Jisung knew from experience that that could change quickly. He closed his eyes and an image of Minho flashed across his mind.

In Jisung’s mind, Minho’s brows were furrowed, and he was splayed on his back with sweat dripping down his skin. His rut had just started, and he was clawing at the sheets as waves of tremors shook him and goosebumps erupted all over his skin. In Jisung’s mind, Minho was still fully dressed but his hand was frantically searching for the waistband of those damned grey sweatpants he had been wearing when he had left. In Jisung’s mind, the outline of his erection was impossible to miss. He imagined how Minho would let his hand push past his waistband and how he would start thrusting upwards as soon as his fingers were curled around himself. In Jisung’s mind, there was only one name on the dancer’s lips.

Jisung groaned once more and rolled over onto his stomach but in this position his own erection became even harder to ignore. He imagined that he was with Minho in that hotel room. He imagined how the older would crawl on top of him and how he would leave kisses and bites all over his back, how he would mark him up completely until there was no doubt about who he belonged to. He imagined how Minho would push him down while he began grinding against his back…

Jisung had to stifle a whine with one of his pillows. However, having his face pressed this directly into one of Minho’s hoodies just made it all worse. His scent was so strong now. It was far more bitter close to his rut, far more domineering, far more Alpha… Jisung stifled yet another whine and froze when, on the other side of the room, Jeongin shifted in his sleep. Fuck. He either needed to stop or he needed to get the fuck out of his room.

Jisung had probably never felt quite as ashamed of himself as he did while he scurried away to the bathroom, hard in his pyjama pants and with nothing but two of Minho’s hoodies in tow. As soon as he had locked the door, he let out a deep sigh. The lights in there were too bright and the clinically white tiles not exactly the perfect environment to get yourself in the mood. But Jisung ignored all of that. He just hastened to slip out of his clothes and drop to the ground. There he pulled one of Minho’s hoodies over his head and closed his eyes.

He imagined how pleased Minho would be to see him like this: Wearing nothing but his hoodie and so, so desperate for him. He let his hand drop to his own cock and let out a small whine as soon as he made contact. He was so, so sensitive. He imagined how Minho would tease him for it, before he would kiss him and praise him for doing so well for him. Just the idea had Jisung whine again. He wanted to be good for Minho so bad. Slowly, he began moving his hand up and down his length. In his mind, Minho was sitting in the corner of the room and was quietly watching him. He was telling him how pretty he looked, and he was working his own hand over his own cock as well. In his mind, the other Alpha got off by watching him like this.

Jisung’s hips kicked forwards on their own accord as he imagined how Minho wouldn’t be able to hold himself back, how he would slowly come closer and how he would touch Jisung himself. Jisung imagined how he would kneel behind him, how he would fit their hips together and how he would kiss his neck over and over again. The Minho in his mind would whisper sweet nothings into Jisung’s ear and slowly move a hand down between them until he found Jisung’s hole. In his mind, Minho would praise him over and over again while he began pushing inside.

Jisung couldn’t help but let out a gasp. It was loud in the bathroom, where the only noises were his own laboured breaths and the sound of his own hand while he was jerking himself off. But at this point Jisung wasn’t thinking about needing to be quiet anymore. Instead, he let his other hand drop behind himself and then did something he had never done in his life. He let it wonder lower and lower until the tip of his finger caught against his rim.

He imagined how Minho would fuck him slowly and deeply. He would push into him over and over again. He would tell him how much he needed him, how much he wanted him and how much he would do just to have this. Minho would reach around Jisung and replace his hand with his own. In Jisung’s imagination, Minho told him to come, right as he pushed his knot inside of him.

In reality, Jisung didn’t need to push even just one finger inside of himself. Just the sensation of his own finger pushing against his rim and the idea of being so, so close to Minho had him grow rigid and the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced ripped through him.

***

The next day, Jisung found himself on Minho’s bed. The clarity that had hit him the night before had been almost painful. When he had come down from his high and truly realised what he was doing for the first time… kneeling on the floor of one of the shared bathrooms in their dorm, wearing nothing but Minho’s hoodie while fantasising about the older Alpha… he had almost thrown up.

In the end, he had managed to somewhat pull himself together and to get himself under the shower, dressed and then into the living room where he had worked on songs for the rest of the night. He hadn’t dared to close his eyes again, too scared of what he might glimpse if he did.

The result had been that he had predictably been completely exhausted and consequentially subjected to worried glances from Chan for the entire day. Felix had come up to him that evening. “I was able to convince Chan to give you another day and a chance to sort yourself out before talking to you about it,” he had said quietly and Jisung had closed his eyes and wished he didn’t exist. “But he is worried, and I am too. You need to sleep, okay?” The Omega had pouted at him and Jisung had felt his heart squeeze with guilt. “You can sleep in my bed if you want? Or we can kick Chan out? Or we could ask Jeongin to sleep in my bed and I can sleep here without intruding in your space?” He sighed. “And you know that you can sleep in Hyung’s bed as well, right?” He had given him a weak smile. “Promise me that you will at least try, okay?”

And so here Jisung was. Trying. For Felix and for Chan and for Minho. Because he knew none of them would be happy if he just tried to spend the duration of the ruts entirely awake. Slipping into Minho’s bed had felt… fine, as long as Seungmin and Hyunjin hadn’t been in the room. But Jisung knew they would come back, and it already made him feel uneasy. This was more than just stealing hoodies or having them probably know that he had slept there when he and Chan had been the only ones in the dorm. This was him choosing to stay in Minho’s bed while the other Alpha was away for his rut… This was bigger.

He winced when Hyunjin walked in and began putting stuff on his own bed… right above where Jisung was laying. No. There was no way he could do this. He threw the blanket away and sat up again. When he pushed the curtain to the side, he found Hyunjin smiling at him. “Hey,” the Omega said easily from the other side of the room where he was now piling laundry on top of a desk. “Sorry if I woke you up.”

Jisung buried his face in his hands. How did they all pretend as if this wasn’t fucked up? As if he wasn’t fucked up. “You didn’t,” he mumbled. “But I’ll… uh… I was just about to leave.”

He watched as Hyunjin bit his lips. “Don’t,” the dancer eventually said, as soft and quiet as Jisung had ever heard him. “I understand, it’s… it’s fine.”

For a moment, Jisung felt the old version of himself try to get the upper hand. Just for a split second, he felt anger flare up inside of himself and was nearly overwhelmed with the urge to scream at Hyunjin, to tell him that he didn’t understand shit. But that wasn’t who Jisung was anymore. And the new Jisung just nodded. “How are you handling this so easily?” he asked hesitantly after a while. He still hadn’t moved from his spot while Hyunjin busied himself with folding clothes away.

It was fascinating to see him pause his movements and collect himself. It was fascinating because Jisung could so clearly see what he was thinking, how his first response was also to bark back but how he got past that initial instinct and how he started trying to make sense of what he wanted to say instead. “I…” he began eventually and Jisung felt himself wince at how careful his voice sounded. “Changbin is not my Alpha.”

Jisung almost snorted at that. Because, sure, but Minho wasn’t his Alpha either and he was still a mess. Hyunjin almost seemed to read his thoughts because he let out a sigh. “And I know how to hold myself together.” He paused. “I do wish I could be there for him.”

His quiet admission had Jisung swallow thickly. And, in the end, it caused him to just fuck it and ask the one question that he had wanted to ask Hyunjin for so long. “Why are you not together?”

Jisung was pretty sure that he was pushing past some sort of unspoken limit. But if he did, Hyunjin ignored it. He just straightened his back and Jisung watched in fascination as his gaze hardened. “There are already so many people that are trying to control me,” Hyunjin said and this time his voice wasn’t quiet but filled with conviction instead. “I don’t need more.”

Jisung felt his heart clench at his words. He wanted to tell Hyunjin that Changbin would never do that to him, that he was different to those Alphas at the music show, that he didn’t hold those kinds of values. But he couldn’t. Because he didn’t actually know that. He just hoped it. And he and Hyunjin both knew that hope didn’t get you anywhere.

“He cares for you. Like, a lot.” Jisung didn’t even know why he was saying this. It wasn’t as if he didn’t think Hyunjin already knew.

“Yeah,” the Omega just said. “And I care for him as well.” He gave him a sad smile. “But things aren’t always that easy, are they?”

And yeah, Jisung didn’t reply to that. Because what would he have said? They both knew what Hyunjin was referring to. Deep down they both knew that there were not one but two people in that room who had something right in front of them and were too bruised up and scared to just reach out and grab it.

After what he had seen at the music show, Jisung had understood that life wasn’t as easy for Hyunjin as he had once thought it to be. And since the music show, he regretted all of the times he had snapped at him because of what he had assumed. He and Hyunjin were more similar than they were different. They had both been hurt immensely and had both learned that the only way to survive was to be tough, to be mean. They both didn’t think of themselves as worthy, but they were also too stubborn to give up entirely.

***

Jisung sighed and snuggled deeper into the pillows. He had basically moved into Seungmin’s and Hyunjin’s room for the rest of Minho’s rut and he was absolutely loving it. Not only was Minho’s scent much, much stronger there but since Jisung had also brought his own favourite pillow, his phone stand so he could watch anime and of course all of the hoodies he still had… he actually felt really at home in the Alpha’s bed. Also, no one had mentioned it to him, not even Chan.

After their conversation, he and Hyunjin had both gone to bed in silence and had soon turned down the lights. When Seungmin had come into the room, Jisung had already been half asleep. The singer must have noticed Jisung, because Hyunjin had whispered: “He's already sleeping. Let him be.”

There had been a little quiet commotion as Seungmin had gotten himself ready for bed as well, but he hadn’t commented on his apparent new roommate. The only thing he had said, when he had eventually turned down his night light as well, had been: “Are you not going to sleep in Hyung’s bed?” Jisung had frowned because that hadn’t even occurred to him, but now that Seungmin was saying it…

“Nah,” Hyunjin had just said but the nonchalant tone he had clearly been going for had been undermined by the shakiness of his voice. “I feel bad for Felix. He finally has the room for himself with Channie-Hyung.”

And since then, no one had even brought up the ruts anymore. So, yeah… Jisung was pretty happy.

Their schedules had also opened up significantly with two of their members gone and Jisung had just had to attend one vocal lesson that morning before he had been free to return to the dorm and cuddle up in Minho’s bed.

He sighed because he knew that it couldn’t be long now until Minho and Changbin returned. And sure, he would miss the bed, but he was also more than excited about seeing Minho again.

The door opened but Jisung didn’t move. He had gotten so used to Seungmin and Hyunjin walking in and out of the room that he didn’t even really acknowledge it anymore. However, he did let out an embarrassingly loud screech, when something, no someone suddenly landed right on top of him.

“Hyung!”, he complained even while his heart felt as if it was exploding, and fireworks were erupting all over his body out of pure joy. “You’re heavy.”

Minho just put a finger in front of his lips and shushed him. “My head hurts.” His whiney tone had Jisung giggle. Ah yeah… the rut-hangover… His smile widened when Minho snuggled even closer and brought his face to his neck. “Smell so good,” he mumbled and Jisung blushed furiously. Minho smelled absolutely heavenly as well. The rut clearly still clung to him and wow… it was definitely affecting Jisung.

There was commotion outside and Jisung swallowed thickly. The first wave of joy at seeing Minho again, by him being so openly affectionate had slowly died down and was replaced by a far more sober awareness of where he was and what they were doing.

Almost as if to prove his point, the door was thrown open in that very moment and Changbin came stomping inside… with a giggling Hyunjin in his arms. “Hyung! I’m far too tall for this!” the blonde complained. “Let me down, please!”

“Shut up.” And yeah, just from the tone of Changbin’s grumbling, Jisung could tell that he was also still hungover. On top of him, Minho also whined at the noise and cuddled even closer. Jisung felt his face burn. They weren’t alone anymore for fuck’s sake! He needed Minho to somehow get the fuck off of him.

“Hyung,” he hissed. “Let me go. I need to leave.” But Minho just mumbled something incomprehensible and… fucking nipped at his nape. What the fuck?

The door got opened again and Jisung wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, as Felix, Chan and Jeongin all walked in one after the other. Felix began giggling immediately at the sight of them which Jisung couldn’t blame him for at all. They had to be quite the sight indeed: Two clingy, rut-hungover Alphas on top of two people that were very unsuccessful in their half-hearted attempts of getting away… all stacked on top of each other in one tiny bunk bed.

What Jisung found far less funny was how Jeongin’s eyes seemed to only get bigger and bigger. His roommate had been the only one that Jisung had maybe hoped hadn’t caught onto his uh… tendencies yet. But well… there was definitely no misinterpreting his current situation. Their Maknae definitely knew now.

Meanwhile, Chan only let out a deep and defeated sigh. “I take it, you guys are okay then?” he asked but if he had expected more than just two grunts in reply, he had been more than delusional. He sighed again. “Well, you have the afternoon off to recover but tomorrow I need you moving again so…” He rolled his eyes when Changbin threw something at him. “Try to get used to the thought.”

Felix was still giggling when Chan started shooing him and Jeongin out of the room again. “Hyunjin and Jisung,” their leader said before he closed the door. “You get the afternoons off as well. Try to make sure these horn dogs eat something and get some rest.”

When the door fell shut, Jisung just wanted to disappear. He was so, so embarrassed. And to make matters worse, Seungmin then shouted from behind the door: “And no funny business anywhere close to my bed!”

“No funny business at all!” Chan’s stern voice added immediately, maybe in an attempt to destroy Jisung’s sanity in its entirety. “You are way too close to your ruts!”

Hyunjin and Jisung groaned in unison, while Minho whined again and complained about the world being generally way too loud. Changbin on the other hand, had started giggling hysterically.  “Yeah, Hyung,” he said and Jisung already knew that he didn’t like what was about to come out of his stupid mouth. “Make sure you don't get our Jisungie pregnant.”

He was going to kill him.

Chapter Text

The days after Changbin and Minho’s ruts were… something that’s for sure. Both Alphas were constantly whining and complaining about how they should not be expected to ever move again and even Jisung found it funny how exasperated their attitudes made Chan.

“Moving forward, no one is ever having synchronized ruts,” their leader huffed when Changbin and Minho teamed up again to protest yet another dance rehearsal. They were all already assembled in the studio and all of them had begun to stretch… with the exception of Minho and Changbin who had just defiantly crossed their arms and refused to move at all.

After unsuccessfully trying to reason with them, Chan had walked over to where Felix, Hyunjin and Jisung were all warming up and Jisung couldn’t help but giggle a little at his indignation. Meanwhile, their leader shook his head. “They have too much power together,” he mumbled. Then, he sighed again. “Could you guys maybe do me a massive favour and try to convince them to move? I promise we won’t do too much but it’s been three days! They have to eventually start dancing again.”

Jisung giggled even more at that. Even before they had debuted, the Omegas had sometimes used their power over the still hormonal Alphas after their ruts and it was always incredibly funny to watch. Especially with Changbin, who was probably the laziest most stubborn motherfucker out there post rut but who was also undeniably head over heels for Hyunjin and ready to do just about anything to please the Omega. His internal back and forth was always extremely funny to watch.

Hyunjin looked over his shoulder at the Alphas in question and cooed. It had been fascinating to see how much more lenient and how much softer he had been with Changbin in the aftermath of his rut. Jisung couldn’t help but wonder when he would go back to “normal”, whether he ever would, whether maybe something had changed?

“Aw but look at them,” the dancer now said. “It would border on betrayal to let you use us against them.”

Chan groaned. “Please,” he outright begged. “I have the upmost compassion for them. But we are a K-Pop group! We need to dance, or we will literally lose our jobs!”

Hyunjin giggled at that. He rolled his eyes dramatically but moved to get up. “Fine.” He turned around to grin deviously at… Jisung. Huh? “Ready to attack?”

Oh. Oh no. Jisung wanted to melt into the floor. Why hadn’t he realised that Chan hadn’t been addressing the Omegas but Hyunjin and him instead? It should have been so, so obvious. Every single member of their group must have realised how clingy Minho was since his rut… with Jisung. Not just during that first afternoon but also since. He had made a habit of following Jisung around the dorm like a lost puppy and visiting the 3RACHA studio far more often than he should have. On top of that, every night, he made a trip to Jisung’s room to absolutely cover him in hoodies and blankets and whatever else he could find that carried his scent. Of course Chan would ask him to go talk to Minho… Shit.

But Jisung didn’t have time to panic because Hyunjin had already grabbed his hand and was pulling him to his feet. He got up as if in a trance and stumbled across the room closely behind the Omega. He had no idea how he should even approach this. Should he just ask Minho to dance? But there was no way that was enough, right? He forced himself not to overthink it too much, figuring that if he only copied what Hyunjin did, he should be fine right?

But then they reached the defiant Alphas and Hyunjin immediately slid onto Changbin’s lap and yeah… that was that then. Because Jisung was absolutely not going to copy that.

In absence of a plan b, Jisung just froze right where he stood in front of Minho and stared dumbly at how Hyunjin began sweettalking Changbin. The Alpha’s hands had found the Omega’s sides and slowly started caressing them. Meanwhile, Hyunjin had thrown his arms around Changbin’s neck, was arching his back and tilting his head to the side. All while he was whispering things into Changbin’s ear that Jisung was pretty sure he would never say to anyone, let alone Minho… in front of the entire group.

“Do I not get any cuddles?” Minho interrupted his thoughts and when Jisung looked up, he saw the Alpha pouting. He patted his lap invitingly and Jisung… Jisung immediately panicked.

“No.” He hadn’t meant to sound as harsh as he did. But this was definitely going too far. What was Minho even thinking? What Changbin and Hyunjin had going on and how their dynamic worked would maybe forever remain a mystery to Jisung, but what he did know was that it definitely wasn’t what he and Minho had. They… They just… It was just a comfort thing between them, right? They both found comfort in each other and each other’s scent and… well, Minho obviously didn’t want anyone to take Jisung away from him because he was relying on him for comfort and that was why he had become a little uh… possessive since his rut and… and Jisung’s little uh… his late night uh… self-love-session had just been… a mistake. Yeah. A mistake that he could probably chalk up to the increased hormones because of the ruts and… and…

Okay, who was he kidding?

“I’ll… I’ll wear your hoodie?” he suggested weakly, still just standing awkwardly in front of Minho and very much doubting that that would be enough. Jisung did genuinely consider it a pretty big offer. Sure, he had kind of gotten a little more used to the fact that the others knew about his uh… habit of wearing the other’s clothes, but Minho taking the hoodie he was wearing off and Jisung putting in on? For the sole purpose of bribing Minho to practise with them? Yeah, that definitely felt pretty big.

Minho, however, did not seem convinced. “Hm…” he made and Jisung did not like the purposeful frown he wore to signify that he was considering the idea. He just knew that Minho had already made up his mind and was only making a show of thinking about suggesting whatever he had come up with. In the end, however, Minho surprised Jisung by just shrugging. “Fine,” he said simply and for a moment Jisung couldn’t believe it.

Was it really going to be that easy? Sure, taking the hoodie in front of everyone would be mortifying enough but Hyunjin was still basically grinding on Changbin’s lap to convince him. Was Minho really going to be that easily swayed?

No. The answer was: No. And Jisung should have anticipated that. Because when he blushed furiously, reached out a hand and said: “Give it to me then.” Minho didn’t even put in the effort to pretend as if he had any intention of taking it off and handing it over.

He just smiled happily at Jisung and shook his head. “Let me do it,” he said and Jisung froze while Minho reached out to lightly tug at the hem of Jisung’s hoodie. “Let me put it on you.”

What the fuck? He choked on nothing but air. Was Minho serious? Did he just ask to fucking dress him? He groaned and already knew that he had to be bright red.

“Fine,” he hissed because admittedly that still didn’t seem like a big ask, even if a strange one. “But not in front of the others.” He sighed and looked around them and then, without another word, he left the studio. He knew Minho would be on his heels without him having to ask the older to follow.

***

Only a few moments later, he found himself crowded against the door of a cubicle in the restroom outside of their practice room. Minho was basically on top of him, well, as much as he could be with both of them standing up. It was closer than they had been since the day Minho had returned to the dorm. And even then Jisung didn’t think that the other Alpha had ever been quite this forward in his actions.

Minho was pressing his face into the crook of his neck and scenting Jisung so insistently that it made him downright dizzy. He couldn’t help but tilt his neck to the side to give Minho better access and he simply could not stop whining. It was pathetic really. But it also felt good. Too good.

Jisung was in such a daze that he didn’t even fully realise what they were doing until he felt Minho slot one of his legs between his thighs so that Jisung basically came to uh… sit down on it.  The shock of electricity that ran through him at the uh… contact had an immediately sobering effect on him.

“Minho, stop,” he bit out. “We are supposed to be in dance practice.” As if that was the problem. As if Jisung wouldn’t have also put a stop to this if they had all the time in the world. He wanted Minho, there was no denying that. But he wasn’t ready to have him yet. He wasn’t ready for the implication of that. He wasn’t ready at all.

Now it was Minho’s turn to whine. “But you smell so good.”

Jisung couldn’t help but to giggle at that. Even through his mortification he could admit that it was funny and maybe also sort of adorable how much needier the Alpha still was. It was also admittedly nice to be wanted in this way, to have Minho’s desire for him be so obvious.

However, it also still terrified Jisung. Minho could turn him into a whining mess against a toilet door without even having to try particularly hard. And yeah…  the reality of that didn’t exactly help with Jisung’s disgust with himself.

“Thanks,” he mumbled and finally managed to slip out underneath one of Minho’s arms. “But we are here because you are supposed to give me your hoodie which I am going to wear in exchange for you doing an hour of dance practice.”

Minho groaned and rolled his eyes. “This is so much better though,” he said, and his pout made Jisung smile again. It didn’t last long however, only until Jisung realised that Minho meant it, that he was already inching closer again and didn’t really seem like he had any intention of going back to dance practice at all.

“How about I…”, he whispered and then paused to swallow thickly. He wasn’t at all sure that he was confident enough for what he was about to say. What if it backfired terribly? What if he completely humiliated himself? “How about I don’t wear my shirt underneath your hoodie?”

In front of him, Minho let out a small gasp. His eyes immediately began roaming all over Jisung’s body and that alone was already enough for Jisung to relax a little. Parts of this were really so much easier now that he knew that Minho wanted him. The revelation that Minho liked his scent had been the first step, but then he had asked Jisung to wear his hoodies so he could take them with him for his rut and since he had returned, the older Alpha had at times gotten outright possessive of Jisung– much to Felix’s amusement. Jisung had hoped that the simple promise of wearing Minho’s hoodie on his bare skin would affect the older Alpha… and it clearly did.

But Jisung wasn’t even done with his bargain yet. He took a deep breath. “And when we get home, we can cuddle a bit.”

He felt a little selfish. Because it wasn’t like he didn’t like the idea of wearing Minho’s hoodie and knowing that the dancer’s eyes would be on him for most of the practice. And it wasn’t like he didn’t also love cuddling with Minho. He felt guilty for pretending as if he just did it for the other Alpha. Even more so because he knew that he would announce to everyone that the cuddling was part of the deal once they got to the dorm. But doing it that way was the only way Jisung wasn’t completely overwhelmed with shame and self-hatred as he did it.

In front of him, Minho huffed. “Fine.” But his more than happy expression betrayed just how much he liked their “deal”. He took off his hoodie with one quick motion and Jisung had to look away when Minho was suddenly wearing nothing but a tight black tank top right in front of him. God, Jisung hated himself so much. He was such a fucking pathetic Alpha. Why was he literally getting turned on just from the sight of Minho’s defined muscles?

He had to suppress another groan. And then… then, Jisung’s blood turned into ice in his veins as he suddenly realised what he was about to do. Shit. He looked up, suddenly not just embarrassed but outright scared. What would Minho expect of him? What implications would that have?

However, when he met Minho’s eyes, he saw that the older’s expression had turned soft. Minho gave him a small smile and Jisung almost gasped when he realised that the dancer’s cheeks and ears were turning rosy as well.  “It’s okay,” the older Alpha mumbled. “I…” he swallowed. “I can leave. This… this wasn’t part of the deal.”

Jisung swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands again. Did he want Minho to leave? He began shaking because no, not really. He wanted Minho to stay. He wanted Minho to see. He wanted Minho to react. But he was extremely fucking nervous at the same time.

“It’s fine,” he whispered, already fiddling with the hem of his own hoodie. “It’s… It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” That was true. But they also both knew that this was entirely different.

Jisung first took off his hoodie. He wasn’t as swift with it as Minho had been, his fingers far too nervous for that but at least he didn’t embarrass himself by getting stuck. He paused then, already feeling exposed in the tank top. He felt so small next to Minho, so weak. However, not even Jisung could mistake the way Minho’s eyes were hungrily drinking in every centimetre of him for disgust. It struck him again that the Alpha in front of him wanted him. He really, truly wanted him. The reality of it made Jisung’s head spin. He took a deep breath and grabbed the hem of his shirt.

As soon as cold air hit his chest, Jisung wanted to curl into himself, to hide. He had anticipated that he would feel vulnerable, naked… however, what he hadn’t expected was for Minho to let out a possessive growl as soon as he was shirtless. It made his knees almost give out from underneath him.

When he looked up, he saw nothing but complete and utter fascination in the other’s eyes. “You are so fucking beautiful, Han Jisung,” Minho whispered and Jisung couldn’t help but to let out another whine, low and drawn out and… and asking, instinctually asking for something that he definitely wasn’t ready for.

Minho shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “You really are so pretty.” He hesitated. He looked like he wanted to touch Jisung. He looked like he wanted to ask whether he was allowed. And Jisung didn’t know if he was. Because while part of him wanted Minho to reach out and take, to touch every part of Jisung and make all of him is own… there was also a big part of him that wanted to cry at the idea.

In the end, he didn’t have to worry about it, because Minho just sighed and then held up his own hoodie so Jisung could slip into it. “I guess we should go back then,” he whispered and Jisung smiled at how absolutely unmotivated Minho sounded at the idea.

***

When they walked back into the practice room, Jisung knew that he was bright red. He was clutching the bundle with his own hoodie as tightly as he could, hoping that he had done a good enough job of hiding the tank top in there so no one would notice. He knew that the hoodie would occasionally expose that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. But not wearing anything underneath a hoodie wasn’t weird, taking the tank top he had available to him off so he could wear Minho’s hoodie with nothing underneath… definitely weird.

He was also very, very aware of just how much he reeked of the other Alpha. Not just because of the hoodie but also from the whole scenting before that. And he was genuinely terrified that he also might smell of his own arousal and that… He closed his eyes and just decided to pretend that no one would notice a thing.

He didn’t look up to meet any of the members’ eyes but of course, they didn’t just let him and Minho get away with well… all of it.

“This is unfair!” Changbin complained as soon as Jisung came scurrying into the room and Minho followed closely, calling them into formation as soon as he entered. “Why is he getting bribed with blow jobs?”

Jisung stumbled over his own feet at that. Blow jobs?! What the fuck?! He wanted to flee the country. Did his members really think he had just given Minho a fucking blow job in the bathrooms? Suddenly, he felt extremely nauseous and wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t throw up all over the floor. He wanted to object, to tell them that nothing had happened, but he couldn’t get a single word past his lips.

“At least they left the room,” Seungmin retorted instead, not really making anything any better. “I don’t want to watch any of you making out ever again.”

His words didn’t even really register in Jisung’s brain. He was still too busy panicking. Blow jobs! And Minho didn’t even say anything! He just huffed and then called for the formation again.

“I didn’t…” Jisung mumbled when Felix lined up next to him. He had to at least tell someone. He had to at least make sure someone knew that he didn’t… that he wasn’t…

Felix smiled at him. “Okay,” he said gently and reached out a hand so he could squeeze Jisung’s. “But you know that it would have been fine even if you did, right? No one would judge you.”

Jisung snorted. Right. He didn’t feel like pouring his heart out to Felix about how the world tended to view Alphas that sank to their knees for other Alphas… not now, when the practice was finally about to actually start and probably never. But he felt ready to say: “I think Seungmin was already very much judging me. Jeongin looked borderline traumatized, and Chan didn’t exactly look happy.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “He never looks happy,” he said simply. “And the others were definitely more traumatized by Hyunjin’s persuasion style.” He giggled. “That dude really gave it his all.”

For a moment, there was silence and then Felix gave Jisung’s hand another squeeze. “Sex is nothing to be embarrassed about, you know?” he said gently and Jisung just wanted to run out of the room. This was not what he had anticipated when he had set out to defend himself. He knew that sex was normal, alright? It was just that… well…

“I suck dick,” Felix shrugged and Jisung spluttered. They were still in the practice room for fuck’s sake! Didn’t Felix at least have a shred of shame somewhere in his body? “So does Chan, so does Hyunjin, so does Changbin…” He smiled again, as if all of this was simple, as if any of it applied to Jisung at all.

“Sure…”, Jisung mumbled and then… and he didn’t even really know why, he quietly added: “But when you do it, it isn’t wrong.”

Luckily, Minho started the music in that exact moment so that Felix didn’t get a chance to reply.

***

Jisung had fled the room as soon as Minho declared practice to be over, far too terrified of Felix cornering him and forcing him to continue their more than uncomfortable conversation. Back in the dorm, Jisung had invited Minho to come to his room to cuddle. He really hadn’t felt like it, after the comments Changbin had made and after Minho hadn’t said anything to dispute them. But he felt as if he was obligated to hold up his end of the deal. So, he allowed Minho to lay down on his bed and curled up in front of him.

He tolerated it when Minho put one of his arms on top of Jisung’s hip and even let himself be pulled closer to the older’s chest. Suddenly, he felt as if he was selling his body. Even if deep down, he knew that it wasn’t true. It still made him feel sick again.

He was rigid as a board the entire time they cuddled, and he knew that there was no chance the other Alpha didn’t notice. Minho didn’t comment on it. However, he also didn’t stay for long.

After only about half an hour, he excused himself and mumbled something about having to prepare dinner. Jisung just nodded. He didn’t even really acknowledge it, when Minho closed the door behind him. He felt so dirty. So disgusting. And he hadn’t even done what Changbin had accused him of doing, what Felix clearly thought he was doing as well.

But he had let himself be crowded against the toilet door. He had allowed himself to be scented by another Alpha. And even worse, he had liked it. He had enjoyed himself while it was happening. He had then gone on to take off his shirt, more or less just to please Minho. He had almost let him touch him.

By now, Jisung felt so nauseous that he considered running to the toilet. He had gotten off to the idea of an Alpha fucking him. Shit. He had imagined Minho making him his bitch, reducing him to nothing but a body to fuck into… and he had cum at the thought of being stuffed full of his knot. “Why is he getting bribed with blow jobs?”

The words were reverberating in Jisung’s mind. Over and over and over again. And they kept making him more and more sick with himself with each time. He hated how easily Changbin had assumed that Jisung would be the one sinking to his knees.

“Make sure you don’t get our Jisungie pregnant.”  Again, the implication was immediately that Jisung would be the one getting fucked. Why were all of the others so quick to assume that? Tears began prickling in his eyes. And why did they have to be right? Why was that exactly what he had imagined when Minho had gone into rut?

He hated himself so, so, so much. How could one person be so completely and utterly broken?

And what hurt him even more was that he had really thought that Minho wasn’t like the other people, like all of the others that had made his life hell. He had really thought that Minho wouldn’t hurt him, that he would protect him. And yet, and yet Minho hadn’t said anything when Changbin had insinuated that Jisung was… well, that he was broken… disgusting… pathetic.  

Eventually Jeongin slipped into their room and quietly began getting ready for bed. “Hyung?” he asked quietly. “I think Minho-Hyung and Felix-Hyung are worried about you. Are you okay?” But Jisung ignored him and pretended he was already asleep, even though he knew that it would be excruciatingly long that night until sleep would finally let him find some peace from his own mind.

He was right. That night he kept tossing and turning, he cried into his pillows and stifled the pathetic sounds of his sobs. At some point, however, Jisung must have fallen asleep because when he woke up, he was disoriented.

Before he could remember where he was and what he was doing there, he felt a pit in his stomach. Something was wrong. Shit. He sat up and looked around. This was definitely his and Jeongin’s room and his roommate was still clearly sleeping peacefully on his bed. But something still caused Jisung to shiver.

He swallowed and tried to think logically. He sniffed the air around him. There was his own smoke, and then the familiar traces of coffee and vanilla that never quite seemed to leave his bed these days… And then, his heart stopped. Because there was another scent in the room. One that Jisung didn’t know and one that was unmistakably Alpha.

Panic began to rise in him and Jisung’s heart began hammering. Shit. Was there an intruder? A burglar? A stalker? Fuck. What was he going to do? Should he get Chan? Minho? Should he call a manager? The cops? Should he even move at all? Should he hide?

And then, then Jeongin grunted in his sleep, and it hit Jisung like a bolt of lightning. The ginger he was smelling was Jeongin’s scent! Jeongin was presenting.

Chapter Text

Shit. Jisung’s heart seemed to want to escape his chest. It was hammering against his rib cage like a desperate prisoner would against the bars of his cell. His breath came quick and shallow. He didn’t want to make a single wrong move.

Jeongin was still asleep, but who knew how long it would stay that way… And if he woke up and found himself in there with Jisung, there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t get very ugly, very fast. The Maknae might not even recognize Jisung. He would just see another Alpha in his direct proximity. He would just see a threat. He might attack.

Jisung was shaking as he looked around in the dark. He swallowed and forced himself to think. What did he need? What were the essentials? Suppressants, his phone, his charger… On the other side of the room, Jeongin groaned again. Fuck. He didn’t have much time.

He tried to be as quiet as he possibly could while he slowly, carefully got up. On wobbling legs, he somehow made it across the room to the door. He was still shaking violently as he turned the handle and slipped outside. There, he immediately began fumbling with the key, missed the lock once, twice until he finally, finally locked the door. He was safe.

Jisung let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding the entire time and his legs slowly gave out from underneath him and had him sinking to the floor. He didn’t think that he had ever been quite as terrified in his entire life.

How had that even happened? How had he even gotten himself in that situation?

Normally, things like these announced themselves. They had all relied on that. They had expected that Jeongin would become more sensitive in what he could smell, maybe even start having his own scent. They had expected that at least the Omegas would be able to pick up on it. Chan had told all of them to look out for more aggressiveness, for territorial tendencies and even for the youngest seeking more proximity with the rest of the members. And yet, apparently none of them had noticed anything.

Jisung swallowed as he tried to think about how Jeongin had behaved in the last few days and… he was shocked when he found that he came up empty. Shit. Jisung had been so distracted with Minho’s rut and everything surrounding it, that he hadn’t paid much attention to Jeongin at all. And now his poor roommate would have to spend the duration of his presentation and his first rut in their tiny dorm room instead of a hotel with room service and sound proofed walls. And yeah, maybe that wasn’t just Jisung’s fault… but he couldn’t help the feeling of guilt that was slowly but surely making a home in his stomach.

He sighed and tried to tell himself that dwelling on it wouldn’t help Jeongin now anyways. The only thing he could now do for the younger was to make sure everything would at least go as smoothly as possible. And the first step to ensure that was to go tell someone, Chan. Their leader would want to know. Maybe he and their management had even put a plan in place in case this happened… Chan would probably have to make some calls or something at the very least.

Jisung took another deep breath and tried to steady his still wildly beating heart. He didn’t feel ready to get back to his feet at all. For a moment, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to hope that he was dreaming, that none of this had really happened. In that moment, all he wanted to do was just to crawl back into his bed… and yet that definitely wouldn’t be possible for the next few days.

He sighed. Because the reality was that there was no way to undo any of this. He would just have to move forward. He would just have to keep going.

His bare feet were cold on the hard floor as he made his way over to the room Chan, Felix and Changbin shared. He stopped in front of the door and braced himself for chaos. The others would be as taken aback by Jeongin’s sudden presentation as he had been. There was bound to be stress and maybe even some hysteria… Jisung really wasn’t looking forward to it at all. But what could he do?

He bit his lips, rolled his shoulders back and knocked. Nothing happened. Wonderful. He groaned and once again wished that he would wake up and realise that it had all just been a bad dream, that he was safe and sound in his own bed and that the entire day hadn’t actually happened.

Jisung felt frustrated tears prickle in his eyes when he knocked again. And when, once again, no one replied.

Jisung’s hand was sweaty on the handle as he reluctantly pushed open the door. It felt wrong to just creep into his band members’ bedroom in the middle of the night, with all of them sleeping. But once again, what other choice did he have?

The room was quiet and eerily calm. The first sleeping figure Jisung could make out as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness inside was Changbin who was sprawled out on the bed on the far side of the room. He had his mouth slightly opened and a pink sleeping mask was tangled in his hair. He looked so harmless as he slept, so peaceful. Jisung felt so, so bad for disturbing.

His eyes flickered over to the bed across from Changbin. It was the bed he probably knew the best in this room, the bed he had found himself lounging on on quite a few occasions over the past few weeks, Felix’s bed. But when Jisung searched the covers, he found them empty. He almost howled at the sight. Because without having to even turn to look at the remaining bed, he could guess where the Omega would be.

And yet, once again, Jisung found himself with no other choice but to take another deep and steadying breath and carry on. He turned around until he was facing Chan’s bed and yup… as expected found not one but two people tangled up in each other as they slept. And as if that wasn’t enough, neither of them seemed to be wearing a shirt. Jisung almost groaned again.

At least Chan was the one who was closer to him, with his far too naked back turned to Jisung and Felix safely curled up between his chest and the wall. The blonde looked tiny next to the Alpha’s sleeping form but also extremely content. Jisung knew how much these moments with their leader meant to Felix. And it just made him feel so much worse about having to wake them up.

“Hyung!” he whisper-screamed into the darkness of the room. “Hyung! You have to wake up!”

Chan didn’t move. Great. Jisung squirmed from one leg to the other. He was getting more and more uncomfortable by the second. For a moment, he considered giving up and walking to the other room to wake Minho up instead. Not only because he was pretty sure that the dancer would be far easier to alert but also because he could then maybe get Minho to talk to Chan instead. Hell, if he was really lucky, he could maybe even hide in Minho’s bed in the meantime, surrounded by his favourite scent…

Honestly, just a day ago, Jisung might have tried. But after what had happened at practice earlier… after how he had behaved in the bathroom, after Minho hadn’t said anything to correct Changbin’s assumptions… he didn’t feel ready to face the older Alpha again just yet. So, he just continued with his attempts to get their leader to wake up instead.

“Hyung!” he hissed once more. “Come on!” He poked his back and finally, finally Chan let out a grunt. It was clear that he very much wasn’t really awake yet. But Jisung didn’t give a fuck, as long as he was awake enough to listen. “Jeongin is presenting I think.”

And just like that Chan was wide awake. “What?!” He scrambled to sit up, causing the blanket to fall off his chest and reveal just how little he was actually wearing.

Jisung grimaced. Technically he knew that the state of Chan’s undress was currently the least of his problems, but he still couldn’t help but groan and hide his face in his hands. Of course he knew that Felix and Chan were… uh… close. Felix considering Jisung his best friend unfortunately meant that he wasn’t spared with the details of it. But he really didn’t need a visual reminder. Especially not now. It was just all too much for one night. “Why are you not wearing anything?” he whined desperately and at least Chan had the decency to blush at that.

“My boxers have to be somewhere in here…” he mumbled and covered himself with the blanket until he apparently found them somewhere at the foot of his bed. He wiggled around, presumably to pull them on and then shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Is he really presenting?” he asked when he seemed to remember why Jisung was standing in the middle of his room. “Are you completely sure?”

Jisung nodded and Chan cursed. “How didn’t we notice?” he echoed Jisung’s thoughts from earlier, but he also didn’t seem to be able to come up with an explanation. Instead, he just let his head fall back in what was clearly utter exasperation. “Fuck my life.” He closed his eyes and for a moment Jisung felt genuinely bad for him. Chan seemed to always be so on top of everything that Jisung could sometimes forget that he also wasn’t superhuman. However, the older quickly pulled himself together again.

He turned to his other side. “Felix?” he said and Jisung suddenly felt as if he was intruding on a private moment. The tenderness with which Chan let his hand carefully run down Felix’s skin to gently wake him up, was a side of him Jisung had never seen. “Baby? Jeongin is presenting. You and Hyunjin need to leave.”

Jisung swallowed. He hadn’t even thought about that. But of course the Omegas would have to go somewhere else. There was no way they wouldn’t be extremely affected by the rut, even if it was “just” Jeongin… Oh God, they would all be a fucking mess, wouldn’t they?

Felix, however, didn’t seem to feel any kind of urgency and just cuddled closer to Chan who sighed in what could only be interpreted as defeat. “Could you maybe go and wake up Hyunjin?” he asked Jisung. “I’ll try to get him to pack in the meantime. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Jisung nodded dumbly and turned around as if he was a puppet that someone else controlled. He took his time while walking to the other room. He still very much did not want to see Minho. And he especially did not want to talk to him.

He sighed and let his hand rest on the door handle. Maybe he would be sleeping? It was the middle of the night after all. Yeah, maybe Minho would just be sleeping…

He was. In the bottom bunk… of the bunk bed Jisung needed to climb in order to wake Hyunjin up… Wonderful. At least the Omega was wearing some actual clothes. He wasn’t, however, much more cooperative in waking up.

"Please," Jisung half begged, clinging onto the bunk bed for dear life. “Chan said that you and Felix need to leave. Please at least wake up so we can talk about it.” The only reply he got was some unintelligible mumbling.

Jisung let himself back down until he came to stand on the floor again and tried to think how he could possibly get Hyunjin to move without waking up Minho and Seungmin as well. However, before he could do as much as open his mouth or take another step towards the bed…  The door flew open with a bang.

Jisung let out a high-pitched squeal and then immediately wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Because in the door stood an extremely stressed-out looking Changbin… and there was simply no way that was going to end well.

***

Changbin was panting. He looked like an absolute maniac, with his messy hair and no shirt and unhinged expression. “Have you packed your stuff?” he asked hectically. “Do you need help carrying the suitcase?” Jisung’s stomach tightened at that. Hyunjin was still in bed after all… with no suitcase in sight…

“Changbin shut up,” the Omega whined and Jisung closed his eyes as if he was anticipating a punch to the face. “I’ll pack… but it’s the middle of the fucking night so please at least quit being loud.”

“What?!” Jisung flinched. “You haven’t even packed yet?!” He was not only scared because of Changbin’s volume but also because he could tell his voice was by now layered with panic. He was terrified of what the rapper might say if he wasn’t thinking straight.

That day at the music show, when that Alpha had said all of those terrible things to Hyunjin was still fresh in his mind. He wanted to tell Changbin to calm down, to be gentle with Hyunjin. He wanted to tell him that the Omega was only pretending to never get hurt so he could survive. He wanted to tell him that he was just like Jisung in that regard, and he wanted to remind him how Jisung had reacted when it all became too much. He wanted to warn him that this wouldn’t be pretty. But Jisung was a coward… and so he kept quiet.

Hyunjin finally slowly sat up on his bed. “Binnie…” he mumbled and rubbed his eyes. “Please calm down. I’ll pack just… just quit being so damn loud.”

Minho’s privacy curtain was pulled back and a clearly very confused Minho emerged. “What the…” he quietly began but Changbin ignored him entirely. “Who gives a fuck if I am loud! You need to leave! Felix is almost done packing already. You’re getting picked up in a few minutes!”

Hyunjin groaned. “I really don’t want to go to a hotel,” he complained. It was clearly just said out of resigned frustration… or at least it was clear to Jisung. And he very much sympathized with the Omega as well. He also wasn’t exactly thrilled about not having his bed in the coming days… and he would at least get to stay at the dorm. There were certainly more pleasant things than being woken up in the middle of the night, having to pack your stuff and getting shipped to some hotel.

Changbin however didn’t seem to empathise as much. “Well, you’re going. And you are going in a few minutes,” the rapper said and Jisung winced at the tone he had put on. It was harsh, much harsher than what he usually sounded like and it… it sounded patronizing, as if he was talking to an uncooperative toddler. “So, get down and start packing!”

Hyunjin didn’t. He didn’t move a muscle. He just stared down at Changbin with an expression that was equal parts angry and hurt… and scared. In that moment, Jisung really wished he was brave enough to punch Changbin in the face. He would have deserved it.

At least Minho now slowly got up and walked towards Changbin. “I think you should maybe leave…” he said carefully but steadily. And then… then he made a mistake. “I’ll make sure Hyunjin packs.”

Jisung knew that Minho had only said it to appease Changbin, to reassure him that he could leave. But that didn’t change the way a humourless laugh suddenly filled the room and caused Jisung to shiver. When he looked up at Hyunjin, he looked like a fallen angel, perched on his bed, in his silk pyjamas, with his far too perfect long blond hair and an absolutely ice-cold expression.

“No one can make me pack,” he said quietly, dangerously. He cocked his head to the side in what was a clear challenge. “Don’t you fucking dare and talk about me as if I am not here.” He scoffed. “I. can. do. what. I. want. to. do.” He said it slowly with an emphasis on each and every word.

Changbin huffed. “No, you fucking can’t,” he said equally as quiet and as dangerously. “You can’t stay here. You. Need. To. Leave.” He mocked the tone Hyunjin had chosen and Jisung suddenly really, really wasn’t sure he wouldn’t end up hitting his Hyung after all. He would of course get his ass handed to him, but fuck did Changbin deserve a punch in the face.

Jisung swallowed when Hyunjin jumped down from his bunk and slowly walked towards where Minho and Changbin were standing. He looked absolutely lethal. “You are just as dumb as all of the others,” the Omega quietly said. He shook his head. “And I really thought you might be better.” Suddenly, Jisung was sure he could see tears glistening in his eyes. It was like a dagger to his heart. “Can you imagine that? That you almost had me fooled?”

By now it was only Minho that was separating the two from one another. And Jisung couldn’t bear to watch it. He wanted Minho to protect Hyunjin. Hell, he wanted Minho to slap the shit out of Changbin and tell the Alpha to shut the fuck up… but he also felt the overwhelming urge to call Minho to his side and make sure he didn’t get caught in the crossfire.

Changbin let out a low growl. Not a challenge… not yet. Just a show of dismay. But it was enough to make the hairs on Jisung’s neck stand up. “It’s not safe for you here…” Changbin hissed. “Jeongin is presenting as an Alpha. He is going to have his rut…” Jisung saw Minho’s eyes widen at that. He had completely forgotten that the dancer hadn’t even known what was happening.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “So what? I could still stay.”

Changbin growled again. More aggressive this time. “Don’t be difficult, Hyunjin,” he said through clenched teeth. “Please.”

“I could stay,” Hyunjin insisted and slowly walked even closer. “I could go in there and help him through it if I wanted.” He smiled meanly. “I could let him fuck me.” He tilted his head to the side in faux submission. “Isn’t that what I was meant for anyways? Wouldn’t that make me a good Omega?”

Changbin lashed forwards and the only reason why he didn’t reach Hyunjin was because Minho reacted instantly and slammed him back into the wall. “You’re not his!” Changbin barked out, as he tried everything to get out of Minho’s hold. “You are not his Omega!”

Hyunjin laughed again and Jisung found himself stepping in front of him to prevent him from getting any closer to Changbin who was clearly losing his mind. “And I am not yours either,” he said coldly. “No one owns me, and no one ever will.”

Behind Jisung, Minho grunted and Changbin growled before they began struggling again, even harder than before. “Jisung, Hyunjin please leave!” the dancer somehow managed. “Get Chan.”

***

Jisung was crying. It was all just too much.

He had somehow managed to drag Hyunjin out of the room with the help of a clearly very alarmed Seungmin who Jisung had honestly almost forgotten about but who had immediately run to get Chan who had come sprinting down the corridor just a few seconds later.

It didn’t take long until a very unsure looking Felix also came walking down the corridor. “Come to my room?” he asked carefully and Jisung and Hyunjin both just nodded. Through his tears, Jisung found himself wondering whether Hyunjin felt as numb as he did. The last day had all just been too much.

And everything had been okay just a day before. How had everything gone to shit so quickly?

When Felix had maneuvered them into his room, he immediately pulled them into a cuddle pile on his bed. Jisung started sobbing instantly. Because he was broken and weak and pathetic. All of the other Alphas, even Seungmin, were busy trying to reason with Changbin in the other room. And here he was, getting comforted by Felix instead.

“Do you think they’ll get hurt?” Hyunjin eventually whispered quietly. There was pain in his voice, regret. Jisung wanted nothing more than to make it all disappear. But he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to say.

“Chan and Minho will know how to get him under control…” Felix whispered but he didn’t sound all too convinced himself. Jisung just whimpered in reply. And suddenly, he didn’t even care about sounding pathetic anymore. It was too late. He was too tired. And Minho might be getting his head kicked in as they spoke. Changbin had looked absolutely terrifying. Jisung had no idea what he was capable of.

“Did I overreact?” Hyunjin sounded so lost and broken that Jisung just wanted to howl.

“We are all overreacting a little,” Felix mumbled. “We are all stressed out. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way…” He sighed. “But I would have also flipped had he talked to me that way… or well, I would have probably just broken down in tears. At least you held your own, I guess.”

There was a timid knock on the door. “Guys?” Seungmin’s muffled voice came from behind it. “They calmed down… a bit. Changbin has to stay in the other room until you have left. But yeah…” The ‘you should probably leave now’ was left unsaid.

Hyunjin groaned. “I guess I’m going without my stuff then.” He closed his eyes and Jisung felt so endlessly bad for him in that moment. He knew that Hyunjin wasn’t just angry at Changbin… he was also probably angry at himself. He was probably asking himself whether he could have reacted otherwise. He probably hated himself for letting things escalate the way they did. He probably hated himself for getting mean when he was hurt… Jisung realised more and more how similar they were in so many aspects.

“I’ll lend you my things,” Felix said kindly. He got up and reached out a hand towards the other Omega. “Come.” He smiled encouragingly. “Let’s go order some fancy ass breakfast somewhere in a peaceful hotel room.” Hyunjin huffed out a light laugh in reply. As he got up as well, Felix smiled at Jisung. “You’re welcome to join if you want,” he said. “I don’t think Chan would mind.”

Jisung grimaced. While the offer sounded tempting, he knew he couldn’t take it. There was no way it wouldn’t just cause endlessly more chaos if he went back and forth between the dorm and the Omega’s hotel with everyone’s hormones and scents going through the roof in response to the rut… And well, he didn’t want to spend the entire time at the hotel either.

“Someone is going to have to keep an eye on these guys,” he said, in what he thought was a valiant effort to sound nonchalant.

Felix giggled in reply. “Fair enough.” He smiled brightly and shrugged. “I would stay as well if I were you.” Behind him, Hyunjin opened the door and as if on cue, Minho came flying into the room. 

“Are you okay?”, he immediately asked, and his eyes began scanning Jisung’s entire body as if he had been the one wrestling Changbin just a moment ago. It made Jisung blush furiously. But he also couldn’t help but smile a little. Minho seemed to be okay. He hadn’t gotten all his teeth kicked out at least. And with how the night had been going so far… that was definitely a win.

“We’ll be going then,” Felix announced from by the door. He was grinning happily and even gave Jisung a wink. It made Jisung want to disappear again. But at least it was just one last wave from Hyunjin and then the Omegas finally slipped out of the room and he and Minho weren’t being watched anymore.

“Are you hurt?” Jisung quietly asked as soon as the door fell shut. He was still laying on Felix’s bed and Minho was still standing in the middle of the room, still with his entire focus on him.

“I’m fine.” Minho mumbled. “Changbin… he… he just…” He sighed. “He didn’t mean any harm. He is just very lost and helpless I think.” His shoulders slumped. “Honestly? I think he cares about Hyunjin a lot. And I think… no, I know that it’s hard to see the people you care about not take as much care of themselves as you would like them to…”

Jisung nodded. “But he’s not helping his cause.”

“I know.”

It was quiet between them for a while. So quiet that Jisung could hear the front door getting opened and Hyunjin, Felix, Chan and Seungmin saying their goodbyes. He sighed and then looked at Minho again, who was still just standing there. He appreciated how the Alpha was not intruding on his space, how he wasn’t pressuring him to even just be close to him…

Jisung sighed and slowly got up. “Hug me?” He had no idea what he would have done if Minho had turned him down. But of course he didn’t. Minho just let out a breath he had clearly been holding and opened his arms. Just a moment later, Jisung was pressed against his chest, with strong arms wrapped around his waist and his face pressed right against where the scent of coffee and vanilla was the strongest. And for a moment, Jisung was able to forget about everything that had happened. For a brief moment, he felt nothing but peace.

It didn’t last long, however. Because only a few seconds later, Chan walked into the room without knocking and they jumped apart. Well, Jisung jumped away, Minho didn’t move. He just glared at Chan.

“Sorry guys,” their leader said and let a hand run through his hair. In that moment, he looked absolutely exhausted. And once more, Jisung felt extremely bad for him. “I just need to talk to Jisung for a second.”

Minho raised a brow. “Go on then,” he said and crossed his arms in front of his chest causing Chan to groan. “Alone, please?” the older half begged. “You’ll get him back in a minute. I promise. ”

Still, Minho didn’t budge. Jisung shifted awkwardly. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this new situation. On the one hand, he very much also wanted to continue cuddling with Minho and the fact that the other Alpha seemed to feel the same way made him admittedly happy as well. On the other hand, he very much thought Minho was definitely being way too obvious. “I…” he began hesitantly. “I can come outside with you?”

Next to him, Minho huffed but Chan smiled, even if it still looked a little tortured. “Sure,” he mumbled. “I’ll take what I can get.”

In the end, they spoke in the kitchen, with Jisung sat on one of their bar stools and Chan leaning on the counter between them.

“Look…” Chan began and Jisung, who had known where this conversation was going to go from the minute Chan had burst into the room, sighed deeply. “I really don’t want to like… offend you or… or judge you or… or even assume anything.”

It took everything in Jisung not to roll his eyes at that. Because yeah sure, no assumptions… that was why he was the only one there with the leader. But he just let him continue. The sooner this was over with the better.

“But… you know. I felt like I should make sure. I… I mean you did have to leave your room and…” He sighed. “Would you like us to arrange a hotel room for you as well?”

Jisung bit his lips. He appreciated that Chan pretended. That he didn’t outright say it. He knew that they both knew full well that the reason Chan was asking if Jisung wanted to go to a hotel as well had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had to abandon his own bed. They both knew it was because he assumed Jisung might be affected by another Alpha’s rut … just like the Omegas would have been, had they stayed.

And Jisung absolutely despised that, deep down, he was scared of that possibility as well. He had never had a problem with it back when he had stayed at the trainee dorms. But that wasn’t a guarantee that it wasn’t different now. Because now, there was evidence that had indicated that Jisung might indeed be affected by ruts the way Alphas were usually affected by heats…

Just the thought made him want to throw up again. But he pulled himself together, even managed a pathetic smile. “I’ll be fine here,” he mumbled. “I… I won’t be affected by his rut.” He hated how his words had kind of been an admission themselves.

Chan just nodded. “Very well then.” He ran his hand through his hair again. “Will you just stay with Minho and Seungmin? You could of course take Felix’s bed as well if you wanted. We can change the sheets if the scent is too much. It doesn’t eliminate it entirely, but it might help I…”

However, Jisung interrupted him. “It’s fine Hyung,” he quietly said. “I’ll… I’ll stay with Hyung for now.” What was the point in dancing around it? “I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

They opened the door but didn’t even make it out of the kitchen before Minho was already on Jisung again. He was pressing himself up against his back and burying his face in the crook of his neck. Only that this time, Changbin was right behind him. He looked as mad as ever and Jisung shivered at the darkness in his eyes.

Without Minho in front of him, Jisung felt even more exposed. He wanted to run away, to hide. But he also didn’t really want to leave the comfort of Minho’s embrace. He weighed his options and eventually decided to just turn around in the Alpha’s arms so that he could hide in his shoulder, and once again pray that this was all just one big nightmare. From the bathroom, to the blow-job comment, to the awkwardness afterwards, Jeongin presenting out of nowhere in the middle of the night, Changbin and Hyunjin almost ripping each other’s throats out and Chan forcing Jisung to have the single most awkward almost sexuality talk in the kitchen…. Honestly, cuddling with Minho in front of everyone was probably the least of his worries.

“This is so unfair!” Changbin loudly complained. “Why is he allowed to stay?” And Jisung immediately understood why Hyunjin had gotten so angry about them talking as if he wasn’t there. It made him feel like a speck of dirt.

Chan groaned. “Because all of us Alphas are staying.”

“But he is…” Changbin protested. And suddenly Jisung’s heart was hammering again. But he is… what? He had a suspicion that Changbin wasn’t about to say anything particularly nice.

However, they would never find out as he never got to finish his sentence. As soon as he had begun talking Minho had started growling warningly and Chan had cut in with a lethal: “Don’t you fucking dare say another fucking word.”

Still, Jisung was left wanting to jump out of a window. It hurt so much to know that Changbin thought less of him because of the way he acted around Minho. And it hurt even more that he couldn’t help but feel like the rapper was right. Wasn’t it weirder that the others pretended as if it was no big deal? Jisung just felt so, so utterly pathetic. And the fact that he was clinging onto Minho for dear life, after everything that had happened, just made it so much worse.

On the other side of the wall, Jeongin howled desperately and Jisung felt tears prickle in his eyes again. These next few days would just be fucking wonderful, wouldn’t they?

Chapter Text

The morning went even worse than Jisung could have anticipated. He hated how chaotic it already felt. Changbin disappeared into his room and wasn’t seen for the rest of the day. Chan, however, kept making rushed phone calls in the living room, cancelling any schedules they might have had for the next days plus however long it would take Jeongin to recover. Meanwhile, Seungmin had seemingly decided that a shower was in order and had asked Chan for shower gel and shampoo, which had painfully reminded Jisung of the fact that Jeongin would be the only one using the big bathroom because it was the only one that he could get to without leaving their dorm room.  And Minho… Well, Minho had apparently concluded that the way to get through this was by cooking breakfast for all of them.

Of course Jisung would never ever complain about Minho’s delicious meals… however, he was admittedly sceptical whether being in the kitchen was the best move at this time. Jeongin’s room was right next to them and not only did his moaning and outright howling not exactly serve as the best relaxant… it also meant that his pheromones and his scent were impossible to ignore. Chan had instructed all of them to keep the doors closed and the windows open. But the kitchen did not have a window and the towel they had put in front of the crack under Jeongin’s door did not seem to be doing much either.

Still, while the sheer amount of pheromones almost made Jisung dizzy at one point, he had to admit that he was far too relieved when he found that he truly wasn’t affected by Jeongin’s rut… Not anymore than the others were anyways. It was natural for Alphas to poster a bit more when smelling another rut, to let out more pheromones, to become more territorial… They were all reacting that way. But Jisung was not dealing well with the fact that the thing Minho got the most possessive and territorial about was him. Jisung.

What messed with him the most was that it was obvious that the dancer was holding himself back. All morning, he had glared at anyone that came within a few steps of Jisung, he had not let him out of his sight, and he had even growled lowly when Chan had brought up the idea of Seungmin and Jisung getting some toothbrushes from the convenience store. And yet, he was holding himself back. The thought made Jisung dizzy.

Once again, he found himself in an entirely unfamiliar situation. And he didn’t know how to react to it. He didn’t even know how to feel about it. Because while, sure, it was kind of nice that Minho cared that much… The older Alpha was also very obviously being unreasonable. Which had been kind of funny at first but had become less and less funny as the morning went on.

It got especially bad when Seungmin re-entered the kitchen. In all honesty, he looked like the picture of innocence in his lounge wear, flushed cheeks and still damp hair. But Minho clearly didn’t agree. He glared at him as soon as the singer put as much as a foot on the tiled floor.

For a moment, Seungmin seemed to hesitate, but then he made clear why he was there by quietly asking whether he could have some of the breakfast Minho was preparing in exchange for some coffee from his good espresso machine. Jisung immediately perked up at the idea. Their coffee machine was fine, and he still had some cold brew left in the fridge… but Seungmin’s coffee was always incredible. And he never let the members have any either!

Minho however just huffed. “No,” he grumbled. “We don’t have enough.”

They definitely did. Minho had probably made enough to feed an entire family. Jisung couldn’t help but to roll his eyes. “He can have some of mine, Hyung. I am not that hungry.”

Apparently, that had been precisely the wrong thing to say. Minho turned around to glare at Seungmin as if he had been the one who had suggested stealing Jisung’s food. “Absolutely not,” he gritted out between clenched teeth. Then he scoffed and turned to Jisung. “I can make you some coffee.”

Jisung had to supress the urge to roll his eyes again. But that probably wouldn’t have helped him get his coffee, so instead he decided to try and take a more civil approach. “You are already doing so much,” he purred. “And Seungmin is basically paying for the breakfast by giving us coffee.”

At that, Minho huffed again, but he didn’t immediately object… which Jisung counted as a win. He got up and shot Seungmin a look. The singer still stood in the middle of the doorway, looking torn between fleeing and bargaining. Jisung sighed and made his way around the counter until he came to stand right beside Minho. “Please Hyung,” he said and even pouted a little when Minho looked up. He really fucking wanted that coffee, okay? Desperate times called for desperate measures. “Please.”

And in the end Minho sighed. “Fine,” he shot Seungmin another biting glare. “You can have some of this if you make Jisung a really good coffee. I don’t want one.”

Thankfully, the two Alphas were relatively peaceful after that… well, as long as Jisung stayed within a foot of Minho and Seungmin didn’t move from his place by the door… and as long as Jisung and Seungmin didn’t talk to each other. Jisung had barely just opened his mouth to reply to something Seungmin had said when Minho was already stuffing his mouth with some delicious baked good. “Is it good?” he asked sheepishly and Jisung was once again torn between finding the obvious attempts at gaining his attention adorable and being annoyed at how controlling it felt. He really, really hoped Minho would calm the fuck down eventually, or he would have to move to the hotel after all.

Luckily, it didn’t take long until Minho prepared plates for all of them - two big ones for Jisung and himself and a far smaller one for Seungmin - and declared breakfast to be served. Seungmin handed Jisung’s coffee to Minho, so he could give it to him and then sat down at the furthest corner away from them. All of it began to really piss Jisung off. Sure, he could also feel Jeongin’s rut pheromones eating at his patience but come on!

At least the food and the coffee were both absolutely delicious and Jisung found himself humming approvingly while he was clearing his plate. He could feel Minho shift next to him, clearly proud of pleasing Jisung. The older Alpha was practically glued to his side and was still sending daggers towards Seungmin. Jisung wished he could find the energy to knock some sense into him. He sighed. These were truly going to be a few long, long days.

Of course, Minho didn’t let Jisung help with the clean-up, regardless of how much Jisung insisted. Seungmin on the other hand, had immediately been handed a sponge. The singer didn’t complain though, he just immediately went to work with cleaning the dishes. Jisung thought he saw his chance when Seungmin put the first clean plate on the counter. He snatched a dish towel out of Minho’s hand and danced out of his reach… or well, he attempted to. In the end, Seungmin had to put a hand on Jisung’s back, so he wouldn’t knock him over while he was trying to evade the dance leader.

Jisung hadn’t even fully registered the touch, before Minho was already flying past him. He got right into Seungmin’s face. “Keep your filthy paws off of him!” Minho outright spat the words at the other Alpha.

“I wasn’t…” Seungmin attempted to reason, but clearly Minho wasn’t in the right mindset to have a constructive discussion about anything… least of all who did and who did not have the right to even just breathe near Jisung. It was ridiculous. But it was also scary. Jisung didn’t recognise the dancer as he hissed: “Get out of my fucking sight or I’ll…”

But by now, even Seungmin seemed to lose patience. “And where am I meant to go, huh?” he bluffed. “I fucking live here. We share this kitchen. I’ll gladly disappear into my room but guess what? We fucking share that one as well.”

“I don’t give a fuck.” Minho looked absolutely lethal with his jaw set and the veins of his neck pulsing. “But if you don’t move…”

“That’s enough!” Chan’s voice bellowed through the room. Jisung winced. He had no idea where their leader had come from, but he was more than glad that he was there, even if his presence made him want to cower in a way it rarely ever had.

Seungmin and Minho seemed to freeze in their actions. And Chan let out an exasperated sigh.  “Minho, Jisung?” he asked. “I think it would be best if you left. Go grab a coffee or something.”

But Minho didn’t move. Jisung didn’t know whether Chan had seriously expected that he would. Minho had never really felt like he was truly afraid of Chan. It always seemed that he listened to him out of courtesy more than because of anything else. And right now, courtesy was out of the window.

Chan seemed to be aware of as much, judging from the utterly defeated groan he let out. But before he could do anything else, Jisung had made up his mind that their leader was right and that he actually really, really wanted to get out of the apartment.

While no one else in the room seemed to move a single muscle, Jisung slowly made his way towards Minho. He was careful, fully aware that while Minho might have a soft spot for him, he was still an Alpha and there was still a chance, Minho’s instincts would tell him to attack.

But when he saw how Minho seemed to relax ever so slightly, just as he stepped closer to him, he let his hand slide into the older’s. Minho immediately closed his fingers around it and gripped Jisung like he would never let him go again.

 “Come on,” Jisung gently whispered close to his ear. He carefully tugged on the older’s arm. “Let’s grab a coffee.”

***

Jisung hated how deflated Minho looked. His Hyung was sitting across from him in a corner of the café they had chosen, his shoulder slumped and his head down. His hands were nervously fiddling with the coffee cup in front of him and he was gnawing on his lips so harshly that Jisung expected them to start bleeding at any moment. To him, it was so obvious that Minho felt bad about how he had behaved, that he regretted his actions. But he wasn’t sure whether he should say anything.

Would Minho get angry if he told him that everything would be okay? Would he snap at him too? He swallowed. Probably not. For one, Minho seemed a lot calmer now that they were finally not in the crammed apartment anymore. And in addition to that… well… there was always still the soft spot Minho inexplicably had for him.

If Jisung was truly honest, he would tell that the opposite was even true, that the older was trying to make it up to him. Minho had rushed to order for both of them, nailing what Jisung wanted exactly, and had then paid upfront for it all. In a way, it was cute. But of course it also caused Jisung to feel exposed again.

Rationally, he knew that there was nothing suspicious about them drinking coffee together. That no one who saw them would assume anything past them being friends or maybe even just acquaintances. Not even, if they had known that Minho was paying. It was just coffee. It was the least suspicious thing in the world. None of them could have known that Jisung hadn’t told Minho what he wanted before he had ordered.

And yet, even still… after all that had happened in the last 24 hours… Jisung couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being obvious. That his pathetic nature was written on his forehead. That everyone could tell.

“I’m sorry,” Minho mumbled eventually, tearing Jisung from his slowly spiralling thoughts. “I… I shouldn’t have reacted in the way I did… I…” He curled in on himself even more. Jisung wanted to reach out, to gently take his chin until Minho was holding his head up high again. He absolutely despised how upset the older looked in that moment.

“You probably don’t even want to be here right now,” Minho sounded downright broken as he uttered those words. “You can still probably go to the hotel if you want. I… I’ll talk to Chan. I…”

“It’s okay,” Jisung hated how small his voice sounded but… well, at least he had spoken up.  It was just… he didn’t know what else to say. Insecurity immediately took a hold of him again and everything in him seemed to seize up. He looked down at his hands. He was scared that he would start crying again.

“It’s not okay though,” Minho mumbled eventually. “I almost acted like Changbin and… well…” He attempted a smile… and failed miserably. “Let’s just say, if I ever talk to you or anyone the way he talked to Hyunjin today, please kick me as hard as you can.”

That actually caused Jisung to huff out a little chuckle.

It didn’t last for long though. Because the reminder of Changbin brought back unwanted memories, things that Jisung wished he could just erase from his brain. “I almost punched Changbin today,” he mumbled eventually, and Minho let out a dry laugh.

“Oh, trust me,” he huffed. “Me too.” He shook his head. “Hell, I almost punched Seungmin and he clearly had nothing to do with any of this.” At that Minho groaned and buried his face in his hands. When he looked up again, all of the guilt and shame was back on his features. “I’m going to have to talk to him later… I… I really messed up, didn’t I?”

Jisung sighed. “He’ll understand… probably.” Once again, he wanted to reach out and touch Minho, to comfort him, to smooth out the lines that had formed on his forehead. But once more, he didn’t move. “It’s not like we weren’t all a little on edge today.”

Minho seemed almost ashamed when he looked down at his hands. “You were fine.”

His voice was so quiet that Jisung wasn’t sure he hadn’t misheard him. Because what? He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You were so calm.” Minho shook his head once again. He still wasn’t looking at Jisung. “You got yourself out of your room… away from the presenting Alpha… without any incident. Then you immediately went to wake up Hyung and explained the situation… And even when Changbin went crazy, you remained calm. You got Hyunjin out of there… You…” He blushed. “You comforted me afterwards. You calmed me down. You were so patient, even when I got lost in my… uh… in my head.”

Jisung swallowed. “I… I… I wouldn’t say I was calm…” He wished he was strong enough to explain. He wished he could say: I’m just so numb Hyung. I don’t know why. I cry all the time. I don’t even get angry anymore. I just hate myself so, so much and I don’t know what to do about it.

Instead, he said: “I wasn’t able to help. You did. You were in there with Changbin to calm him down while I was in the other room… crying… with the Omegas.”

Across from him, Minho frowned. “Had you gotten involved, it would have gotten really ugly, really fast, I can promise you that,” he quietly said. “If you had gotten any closer to Changbin, I would have kicked his teeth in just to make sure that he wouldn’t do any damage.” He bit his lip. “You and Hyunjin leaving the room deescalated the entire situation.” He groaned. “Fuck. Jisung. I am so ashamed of myself.” 

Jisung looked down at the imperfect table in front of him, at the dents and rough patches… He still couldn’t wrap his head around what Minho was saying. Why was he ashamed? He had done exactly what an Alpha should do in that situation. He had protected Hyunjin, he had detained Changbin so that Hyunjin and Jisung could flee the room. He and Chan had somehow managed to calm him down. And what had Jisung done in the meantime? He had cuddled with the Omegas on Felix’s bed, crying because he was overwhelmed and scared that Minho might get hurt. And Minho was ashamed?

“That rut really messed with my head,” Minho mumbled eventually, while his ears turned a nasty shade of red. “I… I felt like I wasn’t myself afterwards. But…” He looked tortured, like he was in actual physical pain. “But I also felt like I was taking advantage of it, of the way, you guys let me get away with more because of it…” He swallowed and quietly added. “Especially you.”

Jisung made a confused sound and across from him, Minho groaned again. “I… I know I should own up and say it and really, properly apologize,” he said. “And… and I promise that I will. It’s… it’s the right thing to do but… God, I am just so ashamed to even say it Jisung. I… I can’t believe I acted that way.”

By now, Jisung was entirely lost. What the fuck was Minho referring to? He racked his brain but came up empty. Had the older Alpha done anything he hadn’t told Jisung yet? Suddenly, fear began blooming in his chest again. Shit. What the fuck had Minho done?

Meanwhile, Minho still looked as if he was in actual pain. “I knew you were struggling with… well… with… I guess with… uh… us?” He still wasn’t making eye-contact. “I… I promised myself that I would give you time, all the time you needed. That I would never put any kind of pressure on you…” He swallowed. “That I would give you as much space as you wanted.” He took a deep and shaky breath. “And yet...” For a moment, Jisung thought that Minho would start crying. It terrified him.

But when Minho looked up, his gaze was determined. “That rut was maybe the worst I’ve had,” he said quietly. “And the hangover… Shit. I don’t think I have ever felt quite as bad.” He huffed. “When I came back, I really couldn’t have given less of a shit about the rest of the world. I… I was so selfish.” He swallowed and looked back down at his coffee. “When I returned to the dorm and found you in my bed… I didn’t even think about what I was doing before I jumped on top of you.” Jisung could see how he winced. “I knew Changbin and Hyunjin would eventually come in as well. I knew that Chan would come to make sure we were fine. I… Jisung… I am so, so sorry.”

“You just cuddled me…” Jisung whispered. He couldn’t believe that Minho was beating himself up over something so insignificant. Sure, he hadn’t exactly been thrilled about the entire group seeing them like that. But it wasn’t like Minho had actually harmed him in any way. And he had just gotten back from his rut as well for fuck’s sake. He probably hadn’t even really been in his right mind.

Jisung closed his eyes and remembered how good Minho had smelled, how affectionate he had been. He remembered how they had moved to Jisung’s own room, away from Changbin and Hyunjin as soon as the others had left and how they had spent all afternoon cuddling and talking. “And I mean it’s not like you jumped me in my own room. I was already in your bed… The others already knew there was something going on. And like, I…” He couldn’t get himself to outright admit that he had liked how Minho had been, so he just mumbled: “It’s not like I hated it.”

Minho buried his face in his hands. “I still shouldn’t have just done it without asking you. And… God, Jisung I feel so, so fucking bad. I… It was almost as if I was dreaming after that rut. You… you let me be so much closer to you, you suddenly seemed to care so much less. I… I think I got addicted to that. I just wanted to be close to you all the time. I got so selfish again.” He straightened back up and the amount of hurt Jisung saw on his face broke his heart. “I mean it’s not like I wasn’t still affected by the rut… but I was also definitely leaning into it for my own benefit.” He shuddered. “And then at the practice… I mean, I could tell that Chan had told you and Hyunjin to try to persuade us. I knew it wasn’t your idea… I… I could tell that you were extremely uncomfortable. And yet… And yet I still took advantage of it. I basically forced myself on you in the bathroom. I…”

That was enough. Jisung simply couldn’t take it anymore. He hated how Minho talked about himself. “Hyung…” Jisung didn’t know what to say, how he could dispel Minho’s worries, but he was determined to try. He absolutely despised how much the other Alpha blamed himself when it wasn’t how Jisung felt at all.

Before he could say anything at all, however, Minho mumbled: “I can understand why you didn’t want me close afterwards.”

“But Hyung that wasn’t the case at all!” Jisung had been louder than he had intended but, in that moment, he didn’t even really care that people were looking at them. He just quietly added: “When it’s just the two of us, I…” What did he want to say? I can’t get enough. That would have been the truth. He couldn’t say that though, could he? “Then I… I don’t mind. It’s just… It’s just… When the others are around…” He swallowed. He had no idea how to tell Minho about how he felt, about how it made him despise himself when the others treated him like an Omega, how much their comments hurt.

And then he paused. There was something… something that he had wanted to ask Minho since it had happened. And yeah… maybe now wasn’t the time and place… actually it probably definitely wasn’t. But suddenly, Jisung felt as if he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. “Why didn’t you say anything about the blowjob?”

***

His heart began hammering in his chest. Shit. Had he really just asked that? He looked down at his hands and found them shaking. What had he been thinking? When he tilted his head up again, he found Minho looking at him.

However, what he hadn’t anticipated was the look of confusion, the older Alpha regarded him with. “I didn’t want to draw attention to it,” Minho said and tilted his head to the side. “I didn’t want to make it a big deal. I… You know that Changbin would have disputed it, had I denied the uh… the blowjob.” He blushed an even darker shade of red. “Changbin would have insisted on knowing what we had done instead…” Minho hesitated. “I think I just kind of banked on the fact that everyone would know that you definitely didn’t… you know… do that or… at least that they wouldn’t care.”

And suddenly, something happened that Jisung hadn’t anticipated at all. Because with just those few words, there were familiar flames licking against the inside of his skin. Something began bubbling in his chest and he saw red… Jisung was angry.

“I didn’t want to make it a big deal.” He couldn’t fathom how Minho could have misinterpreted everything so badly. How could he think that he had forced himself on Jisung in the bathroom when Jisung had happily participated but then not see the issue with not responding to Changbin’s comment? “I didn’t want to make it a big deal.” As if it wasn’t a massive deal to begin with.

“How can you not see why it hurt me when you didn’t say anything?” He clenched his teeth. He hadn’t felt truly angry in so long. “Maybe it’s not a big deal for you. But for me…” He shook his head. “That’s why I didn’t want to cuddle you afterwards,” it had been ages since his voice had been filled with so much venom. “The comment made me feel dirty, as if I was your fucking whore.”

When he looked across the table, he found Minho gaping at him. His jaw was dropped, and his eyes were big. Jisung wanted to snap at him again, to tell him to get it together. But it seemed as if he didn’t need to because eventually, Minho looked down and he at least had the decency to look guilty again.

“I… I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I… Maybe it’s because I was with the dance crew for so long. I… I kind of forget that not everyone is as uh… crude as they were. I should have realised that uh… sexual uh… acts are a sensitive topic, I…”

Jisung outright groaned at that. He was so, so fucking frustrated. “It’s obviously not that,” he hissed. “I don’t give a fuck about sex jokes or… or comments are whatever the fuck that was supposed to be.” He was clenching his fists under the table so hard that his knuckles turned white. “It’s just… Ugh. It’s not right for an Alpha to sink to his knees for another Alpha, is it?”

It was as if time had stopped. As if they were in a movie and everything and everyone but Jisung and Minho had been put on pause. Minho blinked at him. Once. Twice. Three times. His expression was completely blank.

“Jisung…” he began eventually and Jisung couldn’t place his tone at all. It was somehow calm and emotional and almost angry at the same time. It made him shiver. “You know I like Alphas, right?” Minho laughed a humourless laugh. “Please tell me that you knew that.”

His words hit Jisung like a bucket full of ice-cold water. Somehow… he had not thought about that at all. Of course he had by now figured out that Minho liked him. That much was impossible to misinterpret, even with a self-esteem like his. But he had never thought about how that meant that Minho was into an Alpha. Because well… he – Jisung – hardly counted as one, did he?

“But… but you’re not like me,” he hated how pathetic he sounded again. It had almost been as if he had finally found some fire within him… Even if it had just been because he had wanted to scream at Minho. At least he had felt something. Now however, he just felt entirely deflated once more.

Minho raised a brow. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re… you’re like an actual Alpha. You’re strong and you are protective and…” Jisung blushed. He really shouldn’t keep talking. He shouldn’t expose himself even more. How pathetic could one be? He thought back to the bullies, to the words they had used for him…

“Do you even know why bitches like you exist?” one of them had said after he had pushed Jisung into a locker and reduced him to a mess of tears… much to the joy of the bully’s entire friend group who were all watching. “It’s because you can’t get pregnant. You see… in the time before contraceptives, Alphas sometimes needed to relief themselves without thinking about pups… That’s when they fucked bitches like you.” Everyone around them had laughed. “You are nothing but a worthless cumdump. Something an Alpha can fuck as hard as he wants… Because it’s not like you can help the pack anyways, is it?”

Jisung started shaking again. For so long, he had told himself that they had been wrong. That he was as much of an Alpha as they were. But then… then he had met Minho and his true nature had become impossible to deny. Jisung still remembered the moment, when Changbin had told him that Minho was an Alpha. He still remembered how the reality had crashed down on him, the reality that all of the bullies had been right about him all along…

He shuddered as he remembered how he had imagined Minho knotting him during his rut… “Why is he getting bribed with blow jobs?”… “Make sure you don’t get our Jisungie pregnant.”… “Because all of us Alphas are staying.” “But he is…”

Jisung wanted to cry. He wanted to cry so badly. “I just don’t count as a real Alpha,” he whimpered instead.

For a while, it was entirely silent between them. Jisung didn’t dare to say anything else. And Minho… well… When Jisung looked up, he found the older looking at him with more worry on his face than he had ever seen. It just made him hate himself even more.

“Sungie?” Minho eventually asked quietly, and his voice had gotten so gentle that that itself almost caused Jisung to break down in tears. “Do you uh… Do you not feel like you presented the way you were uh… supposed to. Do… do you wish it was different?”

Jisung swallowed. He had never been asked that. Not this directly. He felt as if he should panic. But the way Minho had asked it, with so much compassion and no judgement… it made him feel like it was okay to think about it. As if he had finally been given permission to explore the idea in his head. He thought about having presented as an Omega instead… And it immediately felt wrong to him. He liked that he was an Alpha. He couldn’t imagine himself smelling sweet or having another uh… anatomy… He hated when he felt like the other members grouped him in with the Omegas…

“No,” he mumbled. “I… I liked that I presented as Alpha. I just… I just wish I could be normal.”

***

It was a big admission. A really big one. But Minho just nodded and suddenly, Jisung felt a shoe bump against his own. It was the smallest of possible gestures, the tiniest of touches… and yet, once again, the older Alpha succeeded in causing him to relax, even if just a little.

“I wished the same thing for a long time,” Minho mumbled after a while. “I really did.” He sighed. “I still remember how much I hated myself when I began dancing.” He looked up and Jisung could see his own pain reflected in the older’s eyes. “There was an Omega in our group and all of the Alphas had a crush on her. She smelled like strawberry, and everyone was going on and on about how delicious they thought it was. Meanwhile I couldn’t get enough of our Alpha instructor’s cinnamon scent.” He huffed out a dry laugh and shook his head. “We had an affair you know. A few years later. It cost him his job and his mate, and I almost stopped dancing afterwards.” He paused to swallow. “He blamed me back then, said I was a freak of nature, the devil who had seduced him… when everything had been new to me and I had no idea what I was doing, and he was 15 years my senior and someone who I obviously looked up to and listened to.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jisung mumbled, and Minho gave him a sad smile. “It did a lot of damage back then,” he said. “But eventually I met better people. It took me years to realise that I could try as hard as I wanted to fight it… that it wasn’t in my hands to change it.” He paused and then added. “And that just because it’s not what others deem normal, that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.” He looked down at his hands. “There was a lot of wrong in that first affair. But the fact that we were both Alphas, wasn’t one of those things…”

Jisung gripped his coffee cup as if it was his last lifeline. He refused to cry in a café. He absolutely refused to! “I didn’t know that,” he mumbled. “I… I am so sorry that you had to go through that Hyung.”

Minho smiled again. “It brought me here, didn’t it? So I can’t be too hung up about it.” He wrapped his hands around his mug as well and subtly moved it forwards until his knuckles were brushing against Jisung’s. “You are not alone, Sungie,” he said gently. “You will never be.”

Jisung swallowed thickly at that. His eyes and his throat were both burning by now. But he still refused to cry. “The others don’t think of you any differently though,” he whispered. “You are accepted by Chan and Changbin as a peer. Seungmin and Jeongin look up to you…” He paused to swallow again. “You don’t have to have a weird talk to Chan about Jeongin’s rut, you…”

But Minho interrupted him. “I had that talk a long time ago.”

Jisung’s jaw dropped while Minho blushed and shrugged. “I came out to him when he asked me to join the team. Back then he told me that he wasn’t really educated on what that could mean for the group.” He smiled a little. “I had already started giving a speech on how Korea viewed Alphas like me when he interrupted me. Back then he said that he didn’t care about that aspect of it, that I shouldn’t get less opportunities because of something I couldn’t change about myself.” Minho looked at Jisung and for the first time that evening, there was something like happiness in his eyes.

“He just wanted to know about practicalities. Whether I would be comfortable in an all-Alpha dorm, whether I would be affected by another’s rut… stuff like that.” He scratched his head. “It was uncomfortable as shit. But I am extremely grateful for how he handled it. How he still handles it.”

Jisung nodded. He tried to believe Minho. He really did. But he still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was still a massive difference between them, the difference between an Alpha who fucked a bitch… and the bitch themselves… But how was he ever supposed to communicate that?

“When… when Changbin made that joke about you getting me pregnant…” he breathed eventually, and he really just wanted to disappear. “He… he assumed that…”

“Oh Baby…” The nickname made the hairs on Jisung’s stand up. “I don’t think he meant to imply that… or at least I didn’t take it that way.” Minho groaned. “Look, we were both hungover as fuck and I know that’s not an excuse but then Chan came with his stupid comment and Changbin was probably just trying to lighten the mood. Like, obviously neither of us are ever getting pregnant no matter how close either of us are to a rut. In my eyes, he was making fun of Chan because his statement didn’t make any sense in regard to uh… me. I didn’t see it as a comment about you at all… if I had thought he was seriously implying anything, I would have gotten in his face about it.”

He hesitated. “And… uh… regardless… that also wouldn’t make you more or less of an Alpha or more or less gay.” He sighed. “Look… this wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. And it also very probably isn’t the right moment. But I feel like I need to say this to you.” He took a deep breath. “I really like you, Jisung. Like, a lot. I think you are insanely beautiful. I am so in awe of your talents and your endless creativity. I think you are genuinely one of the funniest, most interesting people I have met, and I think I had a crush on you from the moment we met at that vending machine. I love your softness and it makes me feel so endlessly special when you let your walls down around me… even if just a little. But I also love how hard-working you are, I love your smile… And, well your scent might just be the most attractive thing I have ever smelled. I… basically, I really, really like you.”

That, Jisung hadn’t expected at all. Sure, he had technically known that Minho probably liked him a bit more than the other members. But him saying it… like this? He swallowed thickly. “I… I like you too Hyung,” he whispered, because fuck it. Minho fucking deserved to hear it. “But… But I’m so scared and I… I don’t know what I want yet. Not… not entirely enough.” He hated himself for having to admit that, but he also knew that it was better to be honest. In that moment, more than ever, he was sure that Minho would understand. “I… I’m so sorry. I… I know that I have kept you waiting. I…” He took a deep and shaky breath. “Will you keep waiting just a little longer?”

Minho smiled. “Sungie, I’m so obsessed with you. I think I’d wait forever.” He looked so genuinely happy that it made Jisung feel warm all over. Suddenly, he couldn’t remember why they hadn’t sat down and talked like this before. Minho’s knuckles moved against his own again. “If all I ever got was to see you with my hoodies, it would be more than enough.”

Jisung blushed but Minho suddenly began laughing before adding: “And next time Changbin says anything, I’ll just punch him.”

It caused Jisung to giggle as well. “I don’t know if that is the lesson we should take away from this.”

Chapter Text

When he and Minho returned to the dorms, Jisung almost felt like an entirely different person. The rut pheromones hit them in the face as soon as they opened the door, but it wasn’t as overwhelming as it had been even just a few hours earlier. He felt lighter now, as if there had been something pressing down on him this entire time, and as if Minho had finally taken it off of his shoulders. The feeling made everything feel less hard, less impossible to bear.

They kicked off their shoes by the door and were giggling as they scurried through the living room. Chan was eating instant ramen while working on his laptop on the sofa. He didn’t seem to notice them however… or he pretended not to, to give them their space. Whatever it was, Jisung wasn’t mad about it. He was also maybe, possibly distracted, because Minho had just lightly slapped his butt and nodded to his, Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s room. His expression was so hopeful, that it almost caused Jisung to coo.

The impulse made him pause. He would have to get used to this. And he would have to figure out how to navigate all of it. But, well… it would have been a lie to say that he didn’t still feel like flying after the way Minho had confessed his feelings in the café. It made him feel warm all over to know that Minho liked him in that way, that he thought he was attractive… to have certainty. And yeah, it was also scary. Hell, to Jisung it was absolutely terrifying. He didn’t know how much he wanted the other members to know. He didn’t know what he was going to be okay with doing, saying, admitting… He also didn’t know what Minho would now be expecting from him. He had said that he was okay with waiting… but what did that even mean? Jisung knew they should probably talk some more, knew that trying hard not to think about your problems rarely ever made them go away…

But he was more than ready to ignore that fact for now, in favour of smiling at the way Minho plopped himself down on his own bed. From how this man sometimes moved like an 80-year-old after two hip replacements, one would never have guessed that he was one of the best dancers in their industry… stiff, with cracking bones and constantly complaining... His antics never failed to make Jisung giggle.

He froze however, when Minho turned around and opened his arms in what was clearly an invitation. Oh. Oh God. Jisung bit his lips and suddenly he found himself hesitant again. They were alone in the room. Seungmin had apparently fled the dorm as well. And yeah, maybe this wasn’t entirely new for them. After all, cuddling had pretty much been the only thing they had done the day after Minho’s rut… It just… It was different now, wasn’t it? Without the pretence of the lingering effects of the rut? Now that they knew how the other felt? Now that they had admitted it?

Eventually though, Jisung sighed and crawled onto the mattress as well. He wanted to cuddle with Minho. And no one was even in the room with them. And he had barely slept. And honestly, who even cared?

He was immediately convinced that it had been the right decision as well, when Minho closed his arms around him and pressed his face into his neck. After a little, Minho sat up and closed the privacy curtain. And just like that, Jisung found himself relaxing entirely. He just let himself be engulfed by that wonderful vanilla and coffee and by strong arms that held him tight. And here, in their little hide out, there was no judgement, no management, no Changbin… just them.

They spent the whole afternoon cuddled up against each other and watching documentaries on Minho’s phone. It almost felt like an alternate reality. One where they had their own room to hide in, where no one was watching or judging them and where they could just spend time together. When the evening came, they ordered Sushi and Jisung found himself laughing at Minho coughing wildly because he had put way too much wasabi on his piece. It all felt like a dream.

***

They washed up separately. And when Minho went to go shower, Jisung realised that it was the first time that day that he was completely by himself. Usually, that would mean that he was exhausted from all of the social interaction, that he felt as if he needed a break from humanity in its entirety and maybe never talk to anyone ever again… But being with Minho apparently didn’t count.

And maybe that was just because they had done the same things Jisung always did to relax… watch documentaries, nap, eat… Or maybe it was something else. Whatever the case may be, hanging out didn’t feel tedious when it was with Minho. And Jisung surprised himself when, instead of revelling in the fact that he was finally alone, he took out his phone and scrolled until he found Felix’s contact.

The Omega answered almost instantly and immediately began complaining about how bored he was. It made Jisung chuckle because of the blonde’s dramatics, even if he did feel bad for him. Felix was so different to him when it came to being around people. He thrived in social settings, he needed the proximity of the other members, he loved skin ship and being the centre of their attention. And yeah, maybe Jisung would never fully be able to understand that, but he could empathise with how hard it probably was for Felix to be alone.

Still, there wasn’t much he could do about it now. Not besides just talking to him. And so he did. They chatted a bit about this and that, about how the shower at Felix’s hotel had amazing water pressure and about how the room service was mediocre at best. It was light-hearted enough.

When Jisung asked about Hyunjin however, Felix sighed. He told him that the other Omega was doing as okay as one could be doing after the kind of morning he had had. They had apparently indeed ordered breakfast and Felix said that Hyunjin had “soldiered his way through it as he does” but it had seemingly been clear that he had been fighting tears the entire time. It all made Jisung want to march over to Changbin’s room and punch him in the face.

But Felix distracted him by asking about Jeongin. So, instead, Jisung told him what Chan had recounted to Minho when he had gone to pick up their food. Their leader had said that their youngest seemed to be doing as okay as the circumstances let him be, but that he was definitely not having a good time. He had yet to eat anything and from what Chan had been able to tell by the few hurried looks he had managed to get, he hadn’t gotten any rest either. Jisung hated that their Maknae had to go through all of this alone… but it also wasn’t like any of them could really help him.

“How wonderful…”, Felix groaned, when Jisung had told him everything he knew. “Do you have anything that’s any less depressing or is today just going to be all bad?” The Omega giggled. He had clearly said it jokingly, just to lighten the mood. But Jisung still shivered. Because yes, there was absolutely something that he wanted to tell Felix. There was a reason why he had picked up the phone…

“Actually…. I might have some uh… news,” he whispered, and his heart was racing again. However, this time it wasn’t all nervousness and fear… no… he… he almost felt giddy. Especially, when Felix gasped dramatically and said: “Spill.”

And so Jisung did. He told Felix about how Minho had set his mind on making them breakfast, how Seungmin had come in and asked for some and how that had almost led to a fight between the two Alphas. He told him about how Chan had then basically kicked them out. When he got to the part in which they had gone to that café, he found himself smiling. And when he finally told Felix that Minho had confessed to liking him and the Omega outright squealed, he couldn’t help but grin widely.

“Oh my God! I’m so happy for you!” Felix sounded genuinely excited, and it made Jisung happier than he had anticipated. He didn’t know what had compelled him to tell Felix. Maybe it was because of how comfortable he had begun feeling around the Omega. Maybe he had just wanted to share this with someone who he knew would be excited for him… whatever it was, he was glad that he had told him. It was a big step, for sure. But maybe it was time for big steps… for at least a few.

He had expected Felix to want to hear all of the details but was happy to find that the Omega didn’t really push. He asked a few open questions and when Jisung’s replies made it clear that he didn’t really want to share everything yet, he changed the topic to what shows he wanted to get to, now that he finally had time for them. “There is this drama,” he told him excitedly. “I uh… Okay so I forgot the name, but I’ll look it up and I’ll text it to you. It’s so cute! You and Minho just have to watch it.”

Jisung giggled. “Okay,” he said. “It’s on Netflix, right?” It was so nice to just talk about his uh… thing with Minho without it being a big deal, without him feeling like he should be ashamed of it. Jisung enjoyed every second of it.

But then Felix sighed and the lingering sadness in the sound immediately caused Jisung’s heart to sink. “I’m not going to lie,” Felix said quietly. “I’m honestly a little jealous of you right now. Like, you get to spend these surprise free days we are getting, cuddled up with your new boo and meanwhile I will be bored out of my mind alone in this stupid hotel room.”

Jisung swallowed. “Can’t Chan like visit you?” he asked carefully. “Or I mean… if the pheromones would be too much, could you not at least meet up somewhere, I don’t know… like a park?”

On the other end of the line, Felix scoffed. “As if he would ever leave the apartment while Jeongin is presenting. That’s his Maknae. He is going to stand guard the entire fucking time.” There was more frustration in Felix’s voice than Jisung had anticipated. “I mean I get it,” the Australian hurried to add. “Obviously, Jeongin should be the main priority right now. But it’s not like he can really help him anyways.” He sighed. “Sorry, I am being selfish, aren’t I? It’s just… He hasn’t even called me once all day. I… I just… sometimes I wish that he cared a little more.”

It broke Jisung’s heart. “He cares so much,” he tried to reassure but even he knew that his words meant nothing.

“Sometimes he does,” Felix conceded. “Like this morning he was super sweet. I was honestly surprised. I would have thought that he would have run off to make sure Hyunjin was getting up as well. But he actually stayed with me for quite a while, and he was so gentle and sweet…” He huffed. “But maybe that was just because I was still naked.”

Jisung winced. He wanted to defend Chan, to say that their leader wasn’t that kind of Alpha, that kind of person… But in all honesty… he didn’t know that. He knew that Chan and Felix had uh… done some things. Felix had told him in far more detail than he ever needed to hear. And yet, Jisung had also seen Chan brush the Omega off, he knew that he still wasn’t fully committing to him… In the end, he didn’t feel like he could really say anything that would really make Felix feel any better.

So, instead, he tried to change topics. “By the way, do you really fuck with Changbin in the room?”

As he had hoped, his question caused Felix to laugh. “No!” he exclaimed, as if it was an outrageous idea, when Jisung had found the Omega naked in the same bed as their equally naked leader just that morning. “Chan is too much of a prude for that. I’d do it. Because well… it’s not like we have endless opportunities to have a room to ourselves. And like, if he’s sleeping…”

“Felix!”

The Omega giggled again. “I told you we don’t!” He sighed. “It’s just… you know… It’s a comfort thing for both of us, I think. Like, we just really like feeling close… and without clothes it just makes it feel more intimate and more… I don’t know… significant? Like I’ll share a bed with any of you… but not without clothing and… honestly?” He giggled again. “Naked cuddling is just generally great.” He paused and without having to see him, Jisung knew that he was grinning. Of course that was also the exact moment, Minho decided to return from the bathroom, looking like an absolute dream with wet hair and dressed in a simple tank top and sweatpants.

Jisung was already flustered. But as if all of that wasn’t enough, Felix then added: “You should try it.” And Jisung almost spontaneously combusted. He knew that he was blushing furiously. And apparently that was enough of a cause for concern for Minho. He raised a brow at Jisung, who mouthed ‘Felix’ in reply. It was…uh… something to see the way the older Alpha visibly relaxed at that. He pointed his head towards the door, silently asking whether he should leave again but Jisung just shook his head.

“Minho is back now,” he sheepishly said into his phone. Felix immediately began laughing like a maniac again. And judging from the expression on Minho’s face, it was loud enough to be heard across the room. Jisung sighed defeatedly. He was embarrassed sure. But it wasn’t the kind of spirit-breaking humiliation that he felt when he thought about certain attributes of himself for too long. No. This was the light-hearted kind of embarrassment that allowed you to laugh with your friends. And so, he just pouted and Minho and waved for him to come cuddle him again. All while telling Felix: “Yeah, yeah. I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?”

Minho was on top of him and scenting him before he had even had time to properly put the phone to the side. “You told him?” he older mumbled into his neck and Jisung nodded shyly. It occurred to him that he hadn’t even paused to consider that he should have probably asked Minho for his permission. But the older didn’t seem to mind. “I’m glad that you have him,” he just said quietly and with so much sincerity that it gave Jisung goosebumps. “I’m proud of you for letting him in.”

***

Of course Minho was ever the gentleman when they eventually got ready to sleep. He offered that Jisung could take his bed and that he would sleep in Hyunjin’s, or in the living room… or on the floor. Jisung just rolled his eyes at that. “On the floor?” he asked, and his exasperated tone was apparently enough to make Minho laugh.

“Well yeah?”, the other Alpha replied. “I could use the yoga mat and get a pillow from the couch and…”

“Oh my God,” Jisung had to supress a groan. “Just shut up and get into bed with me.”

Minho let out another laugh. One that had Jisung suddenly suspect that he was getting teased a little. But at least the dancer finally listened. “You’re annoying,” Jisung huffed while Minho got comfortable. However, his words were severely undermined by the fact that he couldn’t help but smile like an idiot.

 “I just wanted to give you the option,” Minho mumbled when he finally pulled Jisung close to his chest.

Jisung scoffed. Yeah right. A little kiss to his nape, however, was all that it took for him to completely melt into Minho’s embrace again. It was truly ridiculous how affected he was by him.

Before they really got comfortable though, Jisung suddenly realised that something was missing… something that he usually relied on to sleep. And yeah, maybe he wouldn’t need it, with Minho right there. But… well, there was also no harm in asking, was there?

“Hyung?”, he whispered. “Hyung? Can I maybe have a hoodie?”

It was fucking hilarious. The way Minho immediately scrambled up as if he had just heard a fire alarm. Was it a little laughable? Sure. But Jisung found it extremely amusing to watch the other Alpha positively fly through his room to rummage through his own clothes on his quest to find the perfect hoodie for Jisung to sleep in.

When Minho seemed to have finally identified a few pieces that were apparently deemed suitable enough, he marched back to the bed like a toddler who had just found a pretty rock and couldn’t wait to show it to his parents.

“Have this,” he said and handed him the first one. “And this.” The second one was piled on top. “And then…” he hesitated. “Would you uh…” He held the final hoodie up, in what just had to be an invitation.

Jisung gulped. He was immediately reminded of that restroom at JYPE again. And maybe… He smiled quietly. Honestly, why not?

Jisung grinned at Minho’s scandalized expression when he took the hem of his pyjama shirt in his hands and slowly tugged it upwards. Minho’s eyes immediately landed on the first little bit of exposed skin, and they roamed all over his belly and his chest with each inch that Jisung pulled the fabric higher.

It was only when he had taken it off completely, that Jisung truly realised what he had just done. He had taken off his shirt … on Minho’s bed…and he had basically made it a fucking strip tease. Oh God.

But Minho was clearly determined not to let him panic or maybe he just wanted to make sure that he would spontaneously combust. “You are so fucking beautiful, Han Jisung,” he echoed his own words from the JYPE restroom. And once again, they caused Jisung to completely lose his mind.

He still grabbed the hoodie and quickly pulled it over himself. But he felt embarrassingly affected, and honestly borderline aroused at the downright hungry expression Minho still regarded him with.

Eventually, they laid down again and Jisung found his legs entangling with Minho’s while one strong arm was slung across his middle. In that moment, he felt small. But in a way he liked. He felt protected, safe, treasured. He almost considered turning around in Minho’s arms and…

The door swung open. “Oh,” Seungmin made and paused in the middle of the room. They hadn’t even pulled the privacy curtain back in place yet. Jisung wanted to disappear.

“I… I guess I’ll sleep on the couch then.”, the singer announced and was already turning around again when Minho shouted: “No, please!”

He was already sitting up again, and his stressed-out expression reminded Jisung of just how guilty Minho had felt earlier that day, of how upset he had sounded when he had talked about how he had acted towards Seungmin.

“I am so, so sorry about my behaviour earlier,” Minho now said. “Please, sleep here. I… I know I acted like an absolute ass, but I promise that I will do better.”

Seungmin pressed his lips and shook his head. “It’s fine,” he mumbled. “The couch is fine.”

“If you are that uncomfortable in the room with me, we’ll take the couch,” Minho said resolutely before stopping and blushing. “Or well… I will.”

Jisung rolled his eyes. As sweet as this was, it was also pointless. “If anything, I’ll just go and sleep in Felix’s bed,” he said. “Hyung is probably still working on the couch anyways.” He was grabbing his hoodies and determined to completely ignore that Minho had already begun sulking.

However, he hadn’t gotten anywhere before Seungmin sighed. “Fine.” He walked over to his own bed. “But for the love of God, please stop pouting, Hyung. It creeps me out to see you like that.” He groaned. “I’ll sleep here. But please don’t fucking jump me in my sleep.”

***

When Jisung woke up, he immediately smiled. He instantly felt completely engulfed by vanilla and coffee and he wasn’t sure that he ever wanted to wake up any other way. He remembered how it had felt to fall asleep in Minho’s arms the night before, how comforting it had been to know that the older Alpha was right behind him, to feel him there…

He wiggled around a little and expected to bump into Minho. He didn’t feel an arm around his waist anymore and yeah, that was probably a hate crime. Jisung was definitely entitled to some morning cuddles. He smiled and scooted even further back… and back… and back… until his back finally hit the wall. Huh?

He slowly opened his eyes and blinked when he found the room filled with light. Minho’s privacy curtain was still pulled close, but Minho was nowhere to be seen. For a moment, panic coursed through Jisung’s veins. Had Minho left? Had he changed his mind? Had he… But then he heard him.

“I don’t give a fuck,” Minho hissed and Jisung shivered. There was so much barely contained anger in his voice that Jisung knew who he was talking to before Changbin even got the chance to reply. “You must know how much he is struggling. And your stupid comments are part of the reason why!”

Jisung winced. So they were talking about him. Wonderful. He appreciated Minho standing up for him. Especially after the talk they had had just the day before. And yeah, he knew that what he was saying was true, but wow did it make him feel pathetic.

“I know…” Changbin sounded… almost sad. “That’s why I want to talk to him. I want to apologize. I…”

But Minho didn’t even let him finish. “Well, you can’t talk to him now. He’s sleeping.”

His protectiveness caused Jisung to shiver again. And yeah, maybe that made him a terrible fucking Alpha, but it was too early in the morning for a crisis on that front. So, for the moment, he just let himself be happy about how ready Minho was to stand up for him.

Meanwhile, Changbin let out a drawn-out sigh. “Alright,” he conceded. “Can you maybe then at least tell him that I want to talk when he wakes up?”

“You don’t get to…”

But this time it was Jisung who interrupted Minho. “I am awake,” he said drearily and half-heartedly pulled the curtain aside. He really could think of countless better ways to start his day. However, he also knew that he would not be able to enjoy even a second of it, if he knew that he still needed to talk to Changbin. So he’d rather get it over with.

“Good morning,” Minho’s voice had changed entirely. Now, it was soft, it was gentle, it was filled with something else. Just his tone alone made Jisung want to pull him down into the bed again, close the curtain and shut Changbin and the rest of the world out of their perfect little bubble forever.

Instead, he just gave him a weak smile. “Good morning. I had wondered where you had gone.” He didn’t mean for it to sound accusatory. He just wanted to say ‘I missed you when I woke up’ without actually saying it.

Minho still looked guilty. “I’m sorry. Changbin knocked and… well, you probably heard.” He looked right at Jisung. “But you don’t have to talk to him. We can just stay in bed for a while. Or we can go make breakfast. Or…”

However, Jisung interrupted him again, this time by reaching out a hand so Minho could pull him up and bring him close. “I know,” he mumbled once he found himself wrapped in those familiar arms. “But I want to.”

Jisung had anticipated that he would feel more self-conscious around Changbin after what had happened… and maybe he would once the lingering sleepiness had passed. But in that moment, he felt as if exactly the opposite was true. He had lost so much respect for Changbin, that he didn’t give a fuck about what he thought about him, them anymore. And maybe that was growth.

He almost whined when he thought about how Minho was going to have to leave. But he also wanted to have this talk with Changbin alone. So eventually, he pulled himself away from the dancer’s embrace. “Do you think you will manage in the kitchen… you know… without murdering Seungmin?” he asked and smiled when Minho chuckled.

“Well, that depends on whether he decides to try my patience again,” he said with a smirk that had Jisung’s knees grow worryingly weak. It didn’t last long however until Minho suddenly looked a lot more serious again. He put his hand on Jisung’s cheek and Jisung had to actively stop himself from nuzzling into the touch.

“I’ll wait for you in the kitchen,” the older quietly said. “If you shout for me, I’ll hear.” He paused. “Please shout for me, should you feel uncomfortable in any way, okay?” He smiled a little. “Remember how we don’t want to murder people in this household? I don’t think I can stop myself if Changbin hurts you in any way… so call me before it’s too late.”

Then, he gave Changbin one final searing glare before he finally turned to leave.

Jisung sat down on Minho’s bed and watched how Changbin’s shoulders slumped as soon as the door fell shut. “I wanted to apologize,” the rapper said, in a tone that was smaller and more self-conscious than Jisung had ever heard from him. It didn’t make him feel sorry for the older in the slightest. Especially not with that fucking non-apology.

Jisung closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he suddenly felt nothing but determination. “What were you going to say?” He was honestly a little shocked with how perfectly flat his voice was.

Changbin frowned. “I am not sure what you are talking about…” he said slowly, carefully, as if he was scared to aggravate him.

Jisung rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.” His voice was still calm but also still firm. He was admittedly proud of himself for his composure so far. He hoped that he would be able to keep it up. He really, really, really didn’t want to start crying. And simply jumping into the older’s face and clawing his eyes out, probably wouldn’t help anyone in the long run either.

However, Changbin was already testing his patience by looking genuinely confused. “Jisung…” he said quietly. “I… I am afraid I really don’t… I…”

“Yesterday,” Jisung cut him off. “In the kitchen. After Hyunjin and Felix had left.” He looked up, right into Changbin’s eyes. “You were going to imply that I wasn’t a real Alpha, weren’t you?”

“What?” Changbin actually had the audacity to look taken aback at that. His expression made Jisung’s blood boil. What else would he have said, if not ‘but he isn’t actually an Alpha’ or ‘but he is just a bitch’? He scoffed. Never in his life would he have thought that he could hate Seo Changbin.

“No please listen to me!” the rapper sounded seriously panicked by now. “I was just… ugh… I was jealous of Minho, okay?” When Jisung looked up, he could see Changbin curling in on himself. He could see that he was trying to hide, that he was embarrassed. All of it just served to make him even angrier. “I… I was going to complain about how unfair it was that he gets to have… well, you know… That he gets to have you. That he gets to have his uh… partner right here, sharing a fucking bed with him. While we aren’t even allowed anywhere close to the hotel.”

Jisung laughed humourlessly. “Right. So you admit that you grouped me in with the Omegas, that you don’t see me as an Alpha at all.”

Changbin shook his head, and he looked downright desperate as he did. “No! I… I didn’t…”

“Then why be jealous of Minho? Why not me?” Jisung knew that if looks could kill, Changbin would have long been bleeding out at his feet. Usually, he wasn’t the best at eye-contact, but he was so furious that it didn’t even matter anymore. He just stared the older down until Changbin looked away. “At least fucking admit that you don’t respect me as an Alpha and then maybe we can fucking start talking about apologies.”

“But I didn’t I was just…” Changbin buried his face in his hands. “Minho just happened to be the one I had almost gotten into a fistfight with just a few minutes before… In… In that moment I just felt more animosity towards him than you I guess and…”

God, this was all so fucking pathetic. “What are you?” Jisung bluffed. “Five? Mad that your brother got some candy while you didn’t, even though you were never going to eat it in the first place?” He scoffed. “Grow the fuck up, Changbin.”

He watched as the older winced.  It was almost as if Jisung had truly thrown a dagger his way and as if the blade was now lodged into his side. Changbin looked completely and utterly defeated. “It’s just… I… I am always so jealous of you two,” he mumbled.

Those words finally had Jisung pause… because what the actual fuck? Jealous? Of them? He raised a brow in mocking disbelief and cocked his head to the side.

It didn’t take more for Changbin to hurry to explain. “Well…” he began, and his voice had become so small that Jisung had trouble understanding him. “Remember when you came into the studio that day and told me about this guy you had just met at the vending machine and how you joked about how you almost asked him out?” He looked up and Jisung was surprised to see genuine sadness behind his eyes. It didn’t serve to soothe his anger in the slightest.

Changbin seemed to figure as much. Because he didn’t take long until he looked down towards his hands again. “And now look at you,” he said, equally as quiet as before. “You and Minho are together, and you seem so happy, and… and you never fight.”

Jisung almost laughed at that. Yeah. Right. Their life was truly so, so easy compared to Changbin’s. “Sure,” he snorted. “It’s all sunshine and rainbows over here in Minsung town… what the actual fuck is wrong with you? Do you think past the tip of your dick at all?”

Changbin huffed. “Well, you look like you are doing alright. Meanwhile, Hyunjin sucks me off one day and then the next he refuses to talk to me. Like, I try so hard but he…”

Nothing Changbin had ever said, had made Jisung angrier than those words. How dare he?! Jisung was immediately reminded of the Alphas at the music show again. “You were always such a slut for cock in your mouth, weren’t you?” Jisung should have hit that guy back then. He should have just marched forwards and fucking punched him right in his ugly ass face. And yet he didn’t, he hadn’t. He had just stood there and let them insult Hyunjin…

And then, when Changbin had told Hyunjin not to be “difficult” after he had been woken up in the middle of the night and told that he was going to have to go to a hotel for the next few days… when Changbin had tried to make the Omega look ridiculous and stupid, Jisung had just stood there once more… Never fucking again! And especially not when Hyunjin wasn’t even there to defend himself!

He jumped out of the bed. “Meanwhile, Hyunjin sucks me off one day and then the next he refuses to talk to me.” With just a few steps Jisung had made his way across the room and had gotten right into Changbin’s face. “How dare you talk about him that way?” he spat and then… and then he slapped him. He slapped him hard enough for his hand to tingle and for Changbin’s cheek to turn a nasty shade of red.

Jisung’s hand burned. But satisfaction immediately began to spread through his entire body. This had been long overdue. And it was just the beginning. “Do you really think I have ever made it easy for Minho?”, he spat in Changbin’s face. “I’m damaged as fuck! Of course I didn’t want to talk to him! But he has never ever made me feel close to as pathetic as you made Hyunjin undoubtedly feel yesterday. He gave me space when I wanted it. He put in so much effort to…”

Jisung had expected Changbin’s reaction to the slap to be to explode, to fight right back. He already got himself ready to call for Minho and for Chan… But Changbin didn’t react that way. He just curled in on himself even more, he just seemed to make himself even smaller. “But I really try…”

Jisung scoffed. “Well, this is going to sound harsh princess, but you are going to have to try a lot harder. I honestly don’t know if you can ever come back from what you said but if you want to even have a chance…”

Changbin looked as if he was close to tears now. And to Jisung, it suddenly seemed laughable that he had ever been afraid that he was going to be the one crying. Changbin didn’t deserve his tears. Just as he didn’t deserve his pity. Even as his lips wobbled when he said: “But Hyunjin also called me dumb.”

Jisung was beyond exasperated at this point. How was it this impossible for Changbin to see that he had fucked up? “Because he was defending himself!” he half shouted in his face. “I am not saying that what he did was right, but you hurt him! He probably didn’t know how else to protect himself.”

Jisung took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “I know that you care about him, and I know that you are trying to do what you think is best.” He looked right at Changbin. “But you are failing miserably. You need to do better.” A tear made its way down Changbin’s still burning cheek. And even still, Jisung couldn’t bring himself to stop, to even just be a smudge gentler. Changbin needed to hear this. He needed to understand. “A shitty apology won’t fix this.”

Changbin looked completely broken but he nodded. And then he sighed. “I know this won’t change anything,” he mumbled hesitantly. “And I don’t say this to try and prove my innocence or anything.” He swallowed. “But I really never saw you as anything but a real Alpha. I… I never even considered that you could think that… And I understand that that’s part of the problem. I just… I wanted to tell you that.”

Jisung nodded as well. Deep down, he had known that. Changbin had never shown any indication that he had judged Jisung and Minho. If anything, his thoughtless comments had all shown that he didn’t even realise it could be a touchy subject.

In that moment, Jisung remembered how he had tried so hard to hate the other rapper when he had first started at JYPE and how, back then, he had found it damn near impossible. He still remembered how he had admired how hard-working Changbin was and yet how supportive of everyone around him he could be. Back then, Jisung had seen the older stand up for anyone he had believed needed someone to stand up for them and seen him roll his eyes at JYP himself. And Jisung still remembered how hilarious he had thought it was that the most intimidating looking guy on their team knew more girl group dances than most of the female trainees at their company…

And yet here they were. Jisung had slapped him. He had screamed at him. Hell, he had made him cry. And he didn’t even feel bad about it. God, he just really hoped that Changbin was eventually going to do better moving forwards.

Minho’s words crossed his mind: “It’s hard to see the people you care about not take as much care of themselves as you would like them to.” And Jisung remembered how helpless he had felt at the music show when Hyunjin had refused to even just tell Chan about what had happened. He remembered how distraught Minho had been after that because he had known that Jisung was hiding something from him, because he had been unable to help him like that.

“I know that you care about him,” Jisung said quietly… eventually. When he felt like he had finally calmed down enough to do so. “I know that you are trying to protect him…” He looked right into Changbin’s tear streaked face. “But you will lose him if you keep acting this way.”

Changbin outright sobbed at his words. “What if I already did?” He sounded miserable, and absolutely hopeless.

Jisung shrugged. He still needed to see Changbin actually try before he could start to feel any kind of sympathy towards him. “Then do it for your own sake,” he said. “We don't do what's right for the thank yous. We do it because it's the right thing to do.” He sighed. “I’ve known you for a few years now, Hyung. And I know that you don’t want to be someone that everyone hates.” He looked up at Changbin’s crying form again. “So do something about that. Be better.”

Chapter Text

It felt as if weeks had passed until Chan finally took to the group chat and announced that Jeongin’s rut was over. Jisung saw the message when he was still wrapped in Minho’s arms and sleep was clinging to his eyelids. However, despite the early hour, when he read the text, Jisung almost let out a loud and absolutely unhinged cry of joy. The past few days had been horrible for the entire group. He couldn’t believe that it was almost over.

He and Minho had spent basically every minute of every day practically on top of each other. They woke up in each other’s arms, walked to the kitchen to have breakfast and then wasted the day away by watching TV or debating pointless ‘would you rather’-scenarios. Occasionally, they would go out on little dates, have dinner at a restaurant, grab coffee at a cute café… they even went up Namsan once. Usually though, they just stayed in and enjoyed each other’s company.

Jisung was still fighting his unease when they went out together, even at times when he could be sure that no one was assuming that they were on a date. It had been especially bad on Namsan, where they had been absolutely surrounded by couples. The countless love locks, the photo spots, the romantic atmosphere of the whole thing… it all had made Jisung want to crawl out of his skin. And at the dorms, they didn’t have to hide. Especially when Seungmin was gone, and they had Minho’s room to themselves. It allowed Jisung to let his guard down and to focus on his own happiness instead.

Meanwhile, it seemed that Changbin had decided that he couldn’t fuck up, if he just didn’t talk to anyone. And so he just spent his days going to the gym and the studio and only really returned to the dorm to sleep. The biggest issue with that approach was that Chan wanted to have at least one other person in the apartment with him and Jeongin at all times in case something happened. And Jisung could tell that their leader was uneasy with one of the stronger members not being available to help during the day. However, as long as Minho was there, he seemed to be fine. It was another reason why Jisung and Minho didn’t leave the house much.

It had been hard to watch Chan over the last few days. He was suffering the most out of all of them (with the exception of Jeongin of course).  And honestly? Jisung wasn’t sure whether their leader was sleeping at all. He definitely didn’t go back to his room. He just kept sitting guard in the living room or the kitchen, right outside of Jeongin’s door. He did it under the guise of working, but Jisung could see how tense he was, how much of his focus was on their Maknae even when he was hunched over his computer.

They had tried to work on songs once over the entire duration of the rut. It had been the morning of the second day when Chan had asked in the 3Racha group chat whether they were up for a little writing session in the living room. Jisung remembered how genuinely excited he had been. He had told Minho where he was going to be, had grabbed his little notepad and coffee for fuel and had practically skipped to Chan’s designated working spot on their couch.

However, the session had turned out a disaster. Chan had been distracted as hell, Changbin had not said a single word and looked like he wanted to flee the entire time and Minho had outright refused to leave them alone and had only stopped growling when Jisung was literally in his lap. In the end, Chan had sighed and had declared the session to be over. And while Changbin had hurried to get his gym gear, Minho had pulled Jisung back into his room and had spent an hour scenting him.

That day Minho had almost jumped Seungmin again. The singer had clearly hoped that he would get a little more than two minutes by himself in the room and had begun sorting through his clothes… which might have not been an issue if he hadn’t placed them all over the floor and if Minho had been a little less territorial. The dancer had clearly seen Seungmin’s action as an attempt at spreading his scent all over the room and had immediately started bullying him over it. He had only really stopped when Jisung had pulled him into his bed and closed the curtain behind them.

Jisung had felt extremely bad. Seungmin still walked on eggshells around Minho and with how the older Alpha was behaving, Jisung couldn’t blame him at all. He chastised Minho every time he caught him doing as much as just glaring at the singer, but he knew that it wouldn’t really help.

The rut had been making all of them a little insane. Hell, just the other day, Jisung had snapped at Chan… at Chan! Just because their leader had gotten a little too close for comfort when he had stepped up behind Minho to steal a glance into the pot that was stirring in front of him. Needless to say, that Jisung had spent the remainder of the cooking session plastered to Minho’s back instead while Chan had fled to the living room to deescalate the situation.

God, Jisung was so glad that this madness was all going to be over soon. He missed Felix, hell, he even missed Hyunjin and he really, really missed the times when they weren’t all constantly at each other’s throats.

There was a knock on their door. But Minho just made a disgruntled noise and pulled Jisung closer. He was so adorable when he was waking up. Jisung couldn’t help but giggle a little. “Yeah?” he made, still a little uncomfortable with one of their members finding them on the bed like this but also realistic enough to know that they wouldn’t be shocked by the sight, that they would be expecting it. It also helped that Minho was currently the one whining and clinging to Jisung’s back like an overgrown koala and not Jisung who was acting like an Omega.

It was Chan who walked through the door. And as expected he seemed entirely nonplussed by their current position. “I want everyone in the kitchen when Jeongin comes out,” he just announced. “I don’t want him to have to be in that room for longer than he has to be, but we also don’t know how he is going to react.”

Minho just grumbled again, something along the lines of ‘not my problem’ but Jisung gave a thumbs up.  “Give us like two minutes, Hyung,” he said and chuckled again when Minho pouted and mumbled: “Five.”

***

Their little welcome committee turned out to be harder to orchestrate than Chan had probably hoped. As soon as they arrived in the kitchen, Chan asked Minho and Changbin to stand by the door, right next to him. Seungmin was supposed to be towards the back, blocking the front door in case the Maknae tried to escape. “And Jisung?” Chan added. “He is the most comfortable with you out of all of us…”

Minho shifted and started growling lowly, expressing his distain for the idea before Chan had even formulated it. Jisung leaned into him, in hopes of calming the older at least a little bit…. even if he was nervous as well.

Chan just continued.  “He will definitely be overwhelmed as soon as he opens that door. I am going to need you to try and talk him down. Just tell him that you know it’s hard but that he will get used to it. Stuff like that.” He sighed. “We should probably have an Omega here to calm him but… honestly, I don’t feel comfortable with that just yet.”

Jisung winced. Right. Of course he was going to do the job of the Omega. What else?  An image of his past bullies flashed across his mind. It’s not like you can help the pack anyways, is it? Self-hatred began to lick at his insides, greedily burning away everything that he had learned to accept over the years.

Chan probably didn’t even realise it, but the formation he had chosen had been so telling. Him, the leader, front and centre, right across from Jeongin’s door. Minho, the second in command, to his right. Changbin, the strongest, to his left. Seungmin securing the back as the last line of defence, not excelling in brute strength the way the others might but probably able to outsmart the Maknae if push came to shove. And then there was the pack’s bitch. The best they could offer without endangering the Omegas. Jisung felt sick.

He tried not to let it show. Crying would have just left him feeling even more pathetic. So instead, he just nodded.

Minho, however, was clearly not ready to accept the designated roles as easily. “Nope,” he said and crossed his arms defiantly. He also stepped in front of Jisung, between him and Chan, shielding the younger Alpha. “He is going back to our room. This isn’t safe.”

Chan groaned. “Minho… please,” he sounded absolutely exasperated again. “Jeongin won’t even get close to him. We are all just going to make him more aggressive. Jisung is our best bet at calming him down.”

Minho didn’t seem convinced at all. “Get Felix here then if you’re so sure it’s safe,” he spat back and raised a brow, another clear challenge.

Chan… winced. “That’s way riskier,” he mumbled. “We don’t know how he is going to react to an Omega. We…”

“Ha!”, Minho laughed, but there was not a trace of humour in his voice. “That’s such bullshit. Of course we know. You just don’t like it.” He huffed. “Which is why I think it’s fucked that you expect composure from me.” He cocked his head to the side and Jisung realised with a jolt what Minho was implying. Chan didn’t want Felix close to Jeongin, because their Maknae was barely done with his rut… and well… Minho didn’t want Jisung close to him for the exact same reason.

The thought had Jisung shiver. The renewed confirmation that Minho saw him as someone precious, someone worth protecting, hell, someone worth challenging Chan for…

Still, Jisung felt extremely bad for Jeongin, and he knew he should try his best to be reasonable. “It’s fine, Hyung,” he said quietly and wrapped his arms around Minho from behind. “Chan’s right. We’re roommates. It’s worth a try.” He pressed his face into the crook of his neck. “I won’t get too close to him.”

Minho’s shoulders slumped. “Fine,” he mumbled. “But you’ll stay behind me.” He turned around to him and looked right into his eyes. “And if he makes any problems please just run to our room, yeah? Remember that we don’t want any murder to happen within the group… I’ll fucking kill him if he hurts you.”

Jisung swallowed. He hated that his scent probably gave away how affected he was by Minho’s words. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, I promise.”

“Good,” Minho leaned in and Jisung smiled when he dropped his head to the side. It was still hard for him to be this vulnerable in front of the others. But in moments like these, Minho made it feel so easy. He could just close his eyes and let himself fall. Because he knew he would be caught. He knew that there were strong hands on his waist. Hands that would keep him upright no matter what happened, that would never let him slip away. In moments like these, Jisung was able to forget about everything around him and just bathe in Minho’s mix of vanilla and coffee.

That was, until Chan cleared his throat. Minho once again growled lowly. And Jisung… Jisung just wanted to run out of the apartment and disappear forever. He knew he was beet-red and so, so, so embarrassed.

Chan just gave them a half smile. “Jeongin is waiting,” he said. “Let’s let him out of there, yeah?”

He got into position but then turned around to Minho for one last time. “I would never let anything happen to Jisung. I promise. If… if anything went wrong… If Jeongin reacted badly… I’d protect him with all I’ve got. I hope you know that.”

Minho nodded and Jisung swallowed. In that moment the most absurd thought took the forefront of his mind as he wondered whether he maybe was the most valued pack-bitch in the world.

When Chan knocked just a little later, the door to Jisung’s and Jeongin’s room was pushed open as quietly and slowly as Jisung had ever seen it move. Jeongin looked terrible. He was white as a board, with deep, dark circles under his eyes. He had scratches on his arms and even his face. His eyes were red, and his lips bitten raw.

“Oh.” Clearly their youngest hadn’t expected to find himself facing five Alphas, with three of them looking more than ready to pounce on him. How had they ever thought that this was a good idea? Honestly, Jisung was pretty sure that most Alphas would have gotten aggressive in this scenario. Hell, even he would have probably tried to tear his members faces off… with the possible exception of Minho.

He couldn’t even begin to imagine how overwhelming all of this had to be for Jeongin. The first hangover was always the worst, especially because you could finally detect the scents of others as well. Jisung remembered constantly feeling sick because of everything that he was suddenly smelling, back when he had first presented.

Clearly though, Jeongin was a better person than him. Their Maknae just stopped in his movements and closed his eyes to collect himself. “I’ll…” he began and suddenly Jisung was sure that he was just going to retreat back into their room. He swallowed. This was his cue.

“Jeongin?” Without even really thinking about it, he took a step forward from behind Minho. “Hey…”

Fascinatingly, his voice seemed to really have a soothing effect on Jeongin. “Hyung?”, he carefully looked up and he sounded so hopeful that it almost caused Jisung to coo out loud. God, this guy must have really gone through it this past week.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he walked another step closer. Sure, he knew that his actions made Minho uneasy, but in that moment his desire to soothe Jeongin was stronger. He was going to deal with Minho later.

Jeongin smiled and it was as if the sun crawled out behind dark clouds on a rainy day. “Oh Hyung…” The relief in his voice was so clear. It was almost as if he had finally realised that it was really, truly over. It made Jisung inadvertently smile as well.

But then Jeongin began walking towards him. He was hesitantly raising his arms and clearly wanted to hug him… And yeah… it was to be expected that that would be where Minho drew the line. Jisung winced when the older Alpha let out a low and warning growl before stepping between them.

And before Jisung could do anything but give Jeongin an apologetic smile, Chan sighed. “Yeah, maybe don’t…” their leader mumbled and finally gave up his half crouching stance. “Sorry for all of this.” He scratched his neck. “I know it’s… well… a lot.” He opened his arms. “You can hug me if you want?”

It broke Jisung’s heart to see Jeongin’s shoulder slump again. “It’s okay,” he mumbled and shook his head. “I…” He swallowed and turned to Minho. “I’m sorry Hyung, I… I wasn’t thinking. I… I am still kind of getting used to all of this.”

“Of course,” Jisung said with as much empathy as he could make his voice transport. He felt so bad. He wished that he could just let Jeongin hug him. He knew that the younger needed it. But… well… the situation was different now. Jeongin wasn’t just their cute little Maknae anymore. He was a freshly presented Alpha who had only very recently finished his rut. And well… It wasn’t just that Jisung knew that Minho wouldn’t like it if he got too close to him… he also didn’t want him that close.

The thought of smelling like another Alpha’s rut made his stomach turn. And not because he thought it smelled disgusting in the way that at least Chan, Seungmin und Changbin presumably did. But because he didn’t want anyone to dilute Minho’s claim on him. Just like no one was allowed to mess with the scent of smoke that was by now always mixed in with the vanilla and coffee on the older Alpha.

***

It wasn’t long after Jeongin had shown that he could behave until the Omegas were finally, finally allowed back in the dorms as well. When they returned, Felix ran into Jisung’s arms immediately and Jisung hugged him as tightly as he physically could. Which… Minho tolerated. Somehow, the dancer seemed to be even more on edge now that Jeongin was finally done.

And Jisung clearly wasn’t the only one who had picked up on that. “If you growl at Felix, I’m going to snap your head off,” Chan threatened lowly.

The seriousness with which he had said it, made Jisung chuckle. “If you snap Hyung’s head off, I’ll kick Lix’s teeth in,” he mumbled back, and his response caused Felix to giggle as well.

“That’s such bullshit,” the Omega protested quietly. “You wouldn’t do that to me.”

Jisung let out a dramatic sigh and moved back a little so he could look at Felix’s exaggerated pout. “Yeah. I probably wouldn’t,” he admitted and then grinned. “But I would hurt Chan-Hyung.”

Felix let his head fall back as he began laughing again. “That would be such a shame though,” he said. “Because then I would have to kick your teeth in.”

Somewhere by the door, Hyunjin let out a light laugh as well. “Basically Hyung,” he said and turned to Minho. “If you growl at Felix, you’re gonna start a war.”

They didn’t have time for more banter after that, because Jisung pulled Hyunjin into a tight hug, while Felix finally fell into Chan’s arms again. The sight made Jisung’s heart hurt a little. He had talked to Felix every day for the duration of Jeongin’s rut. Sometimes two times a day. And that was how he knew that their leader hadn’t done the same. Chan and Felix had talked twice, at least as far as Jisung knew. And both times the Omega had been the one who had called.

When him and Jisung had chatted the night before, Felix had told him that he knew that he should probably at least be a little mad at Chan. But that he also knew that he wasn’t going to be. “I know it’s weak, okay?” he had said, and he had sounded so sad that it had made Jisung want to race to the hotel and hold him. “But I… I always just forgive him. I… I always cling to the excuses for his actions. I always give him the benefit of the doubt.”

Jisung hadn’t known what to say to that. Deep down, he was sure that Chan was a good person, that he genuinely just tried his best to be as good of a leader as he could. Still, he couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to love a person like Chan.

Minho always put Jisung first. He had made that clear so, so many times. And he hadn’t just said it. He had shown it as well. He had put his career on the line by growling at Chan just to protect Jisung. He had put himself between what he identified as a potential source of danger and Jisung so, so many times. And when he said that he would kill anyone who hurt him… Jisung knew that he wasn’t entirely joking.

Meanwhile, it was obvious that Chan thought of his love for Felix as something selfish. He put everyone ahead of himself. Jisung remembered how he and their leader had talked when they had been the only ones in the dorm over that long weekend. “I promise you that I won’t ever cause Stray Kids to break up.” Their group was always going to be Chan’s number one priority… and, as a consequence, Felix sometimes got left to the side.

Chan loved Felix. There was no doubt about it in Jisung’s mind. And sometimes, his love shone through… “If you growl at Felix, I’m going to snap your head off.” Yeah, in that moment, Chan would have probably gotten right into Minho’s face had the dancer threatened Felix in any shape or form. And Jisung knew that the reality of that was part of the reason as to why Felix was currently happily wrapped in their leader’s arms…

Still, whereas there was no doubt that Minho was always going to be as protective of Jisung as he had been that day, Jisung wasn’t sure that Chan would not change his mind again. “You are certainly not the fucking Pack-Omega, okay?” Jisung inadvertently flinched when he remembered how harsh Chan had been towards Felix that day… God, why did all of this have to be so damn complicated?

Almost as if to prove him right, Hyunjin chose that exact moment to walk straight past Changbin without even sparing him a glance. And yeah… it wasn’t exactly like Jisung was taken aback at that. What did surprise him however was how determinedly Hyunjin walked towards Jeongin, who he wrapped into a tight hug without any hesitation.

It was instantly obvious just how much Jeongin had needed that hug. It seemed as if, there in the Omega’s arms, he was truly allowing himself to relax for the first time that day. And sure, part of that was probably the soothing effect an Omega’s scent had on (normal) Alphas after their ruts, but Jisung also knew that that wasn’t it. Jeongin had wanted to hug Jisung as well when he had first come out of his room. Their Maknae had clearly needed that physical touch, even if only to ground himself in this new reality he was experiencing for the first time.

Hyunjin gave their youngest a gentle smile when they eventually broke apart. Without hesitation, he slipped out of the hoodie he was wearing and handed it over to the freshly presented Alpha. And God, his actions had Jisung once again wish desperately that he could be more useful to others around him. “Go to sleep,” the Omega now quietly said. He smiled. “No offence, but you look like you need it. We can cuddle tomorrow. I promise.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jisung saw Changbin wordlessly leave the room. There was no doubt that he was hurt. But Jisung supposed that it could be considered progress that he hadn’t immediately murdered their Maknae and just silently slipped out of the room instead.

He had been so quiet in fact, that Jisung wasn’t sure whether the others had even noticed. All of them seemed to be entirely focused on Jeongin retreating to his own room. However, only one glimpse at Hyunjin’s expression told him that at least one person at noticed.

In the end, it was Felix who broke the silence that had begun to envelope them: “Let’s watch something!” he happily suggested. “Just the three of us!” He linked arms with both Hyunjin and Jisung and Jisung’s heart grew when he realised that the Omega was sensing that Hyunjin’s discomfort as well and was trying to dispel it.

The older Omega gave him a small but grateful smile. “Okay,” he whispered. “But not in the living room… please.”

It hurt Jisung to his core to see Hyunjin so vulnerable. He wanted to pull him into his arms, to tell him that everything was going to be okay, to snarl at the rest of the world to leave them alone… but he knew that that wasn’t what Hyunjin wanted. He scratched his head. “Well, Jeongin is in my room,” he said tentatively.

Across from him, Felix grimaced. “Yeah…” he mumbled. “My room isn’t empty either.” Changbin is in there, was left unsaid.

Jisung watched Hyunjin’s reaction full of apprehension. However, the Omega impressed him once again with his ability to mask his emotions. “Welp,” he just said. “Let’s test the limits of my bunk bed then.”

***

Jisung felt bad for the briefest of moments, when they all climbed into Hyunjin’s top bunk. He knew that he could probably offer Minho’s bed, that the older would say yes if he asked. But… he didn’t really want to. He wanted to keep that bed for just Minho and himself. And yeah, it felt incredibly selfish of him.

However, when Felix and Hyunjin both began giggling about how ridiculously crammed they were and when Jisung realised that the Omegas were actually both happy about the lack of space, his frown inadvertently turned into a bright smile. He had missed these two. God, he had missed them so much.

“Ouch!” Felix yelped and giggled as he fished for something that he had clearly accidentally laid on top of. “What sharp things do you usually keep in your bed, Jinnie?” he teased and Hyunjin swatted at him causing Jisung to laugh as well.

His face fell however, when he caught a glimpse at what Felix had procured from underneath the covers. It was an envelope, addressed to Hyunjin… in a handwriting that Jisung had seen countless times over… Felix was holding what was undoubtedly a letter from Changbin.

He caught Felix’s eyes and the silent question in them was the same Jisung had: Do we tell him? Before they could decide however, Hyunjin had already seen it. For a split second, the dancer lost control of his features. It was almost as if his perfectly crafted mask slipped and allowed them to catch the briefest glimpse of how much raw pain was hiding underneath… but then it snapped right back into place.

The Omega rolled his eyes and took the piece of paper from Felix’s hands. He tugged it behind his mattress, not sparing it a second glance. Jisung wanted to ask whether he planned on reading it later… but of course he didn’t. It wasn’t his place to. And he didn’t want Hyunjin to have to lie to his face. Felix didn’t ask either.

“We should watch EXchange!” the Australian just suggested, his voice as happy and bright as ever. “It’s supposed to be so good, and I didn’t get to it yet!”

Hyunjin smiled and shrugged. “Works for me.” It fascinated Jisung how impossible it was to tell what he was truly feeling. He wished he was able to understand him more. But for now, all that he could do to be there for him was to grab his laptop and pull the suggested dating show up on the screen.  

Felix was already listing fun facts about the show and the contestants, that Hyunjin and Jisung didn’t even know yet. He was clearly very excited, and his anticipation was contagious. But before they could really get settled and start, there was a knock on the door. It was Minho who came in. “I just need my uh…” he looked around. “My charger… yeah, my charger.”

Jisung rolled his eyes. However, he couldn’t help but smile. This was ridiculous but he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t also think it was incredibly endearing. It was more difficult than expected to disentangle himself from the other two and climb out of bed. Still, by the time Jisung was finally standing again, Minho hadn’t even moved yet. If he had planned on being convincing in his pretence for entering, he was failing miserably.

Jisung stepped closer to him and allowed the older to wrap his arms around him. In that moment, he felt incredibly conscious of how comfortable he had gotten around Hyunjin and Felix. He was so grateful for all the quiet support they had shown him… them. And yeah, maybe he was even a little proud of himself that he had gotten to a place in which he could even let his head drop to the side and allow Minho to scent him in front of the two Omegas.

“You’ll be fine without me for two hours,” he mumbled eventually. “Try for me, yeah? I haven’t seen these guys in days. And you’ll get me back later.” Minho huffed. But he didn’t object. Instead, he took off his hoodie. Jisung obediently put it on, but then he gently pushed the other Alpha towards the door.

He was blushing when he returned to the bed. Still, he also felt filled with a warmth that he never wanted to lose. They started EXchange and it was incredibly entertaining. Well… the first fifteen minutes at least. Which was when they had to pause because there was another knock on the door. “I swear to God if that’s Minho again…” Jisung mumbled but shut up immediately when an extremely bashful looking Chan stumbled into their room.

“I was just making sure you’re like… Or whether you needed anything…” he mumbled and both Hyunjin and Jisung giggled when this time it was Felix who struggled to get up and climb out of the bed.

“It’s fine Hyung,” he soothed as soon as he came to stand in front of their leader, allowing the Alpha to scent him as well. “I missed you too, but I also missed Sungie and…”

However, Felix never got to finish his sentence because Minho’s voice came from right outside the room in that exact moment. “Do they need snacks? I can make snacks!” All of them laughed at that, even Chan who still looked extremely embarrassed by his own behaviour.

“I think we might have to involve the others,” Hyunjin giggled and shook his head.

They did. Just a few moments later, they found themselves in the living room. Chan had put on EXchange as per their request and despite Minho’s objections, that had included him glaring at Jisung and saying: “Do you think dating is like public transport?”, soon all of the members except for Jeongin were completely wrapped up in watching the show…. Even Changbin, who had at some point snuck out of his room and found a seat as far away from Hyunjin as possible.

Chan had of course pulled Felix close to him immediately and a now very content-looking Minho was feeding the Jisung in his lap with snacks upon snacks as well. That, plus the dating on screen, seemed to be too much for Hyunjin. “Seungmin come here and cuddle me,” the Omega whined eventually and even gave the singer his best puppy eyes.

Seungmin however, just made a disgusted face. “I think I’m good thanks.”

He was overplaying it, Jisung knew that. Changbin was on the couch right next to the singer… Of course he wouldn’t dare to get closer to the Omega. But Jisung’s heart still hurt for Hyunjin at the rejection, no matter what Seungmin’s motivation might have been.

“You can cuddle with us,” he announced and pulled Hyunjin in before he could even object. When Minho began tickling the Omega and Hyunjin started gasping for air between giggles, Jisung glanced at Changbin who was staring at his hands. The rapper looked absolutely broken.

Chapter Text

Jisung spent the first night after Jeongin’s presentation was over in Minho’s bed again. He pretended as if it was to still give Jeongin a little more space while he adjusted to everything… but it would have been a lie to say that it wasn’t mostly selfish. He absolutely loved falling asleep in Minho’s arms and waking up completely covered in the Alpha’s scent. It made him feel so safe, so protected, so... important. Especially since Minho’s possessive instincts still seemed to be going haywire. He was even more keen on scenting than he usually was, didn’t ever really leave Jisung’s side and any other Alpha was getting glares as soon as they just dared to breathe in the same room as them.

To Jisung’s mild surprise and Felix’s obvious joy, Chan wasn’t doing much better. He followed Felix around the house, helped him with anything that could be remotely taxing and looked as proud as a peacock when Felix thanked him for his assistance. It was cute, in a way. But it also didn’t make it any easier for Jeongin to figure out how to fit back into the group. Minho didn’t let him get close to Jisung. Chan didn’t let him get close to Felix. And Changbin and Hyunjin were extremely preoccupied with their own issues. Although Changbin did seem to truly make an effort to give the Omega space.

Still, it was clear that their youngest really didn’t know where to turn. And it just made Jisung feel worse for the butterflies that filled his stomach when Minho decided that they should share Jisung’s bed for the first night back in his own room. “It’s safer,” he had argued. “We’ll be two against one if push comes to shove.” It was stupid. Of course it was. Jeongin had not shown a single sign of aggression so far. But Jisung had easily agreed. It wasn’t like he had been super excited about sleeping on his own in the first place.

And that was how they ended up all curled up in each other again. Though this time not behind the privacy curtain Jisung had learned to appreciate so much but on his own bed instead. They weren’t hiding. If Jeongin walked in, he would see them immediately. And Jisung didn’t even mind. It was remarkable how much more comfortable he had gotten with this.

The door opened quietly. Clearly, Jeongin wasn’t sure whether Jisung was already asleep and didn’t want to wake him up. He had looked so happy when Jisung had told him that he would return to their room, so relieved. To him, Jisung returning was probably another piece of normalcy that he was getting back… Jisung closed his eyes. He really, really hoped that his roommate wouldn’t be bothered by Minho’s presence.

Light began streaming in from the kitchen and their Maknae came into view. “Oh,” he said quietly when he spotted the cuddling pair. “You’re sleeping over Hyung?” His voice was barely more than a whisper and betrayed just how unsure and insecure their youngest still was after his presentation. It tugged on the string of Jisung’s heart.

Clearly though, Minho didn’t feel the same. He just huffed. “Yeah, got a problem with that?”

Jeongin’s eyes widened and Jisung had to suppress a groan. As much as he enjoyed Minho’s possessiveness, this was going too far. “If you do, you can say so,” Jisung said as gently as he could. “Minho will leave, should you be uncomfortable.” He glared at the older Alpha, daring him to protest. He didn’t. He just huffed again.

“No, no, it’s uh… it’s fine,” Jeongin mumbled. “I… I’ll just go uh… wash up.” And with that he slipped into the bathroom, an a very obvious attempt to just get away from Minho as fast as possible.

As soon as he was out of the room again, Minho’s arm wrapped around Jisung’s waist and pulled him closer. The other Alpha immediately began drowning him in scent and even nipped at his nape again. Jisung could already feel himself melting away. He loved it so much when Minho’s entire attention was on him in this way, when he could simply turn off his brain and allow himself to relax, knowing that Minho would never let anything happen to him… No! He pulled himself together. He could not keep ignoring this. He knew that he needed to talk to Minho.

“Hyung?”, he mumbled. Minho made a sound to signal that he had heard him. But he didn’t stop his ministrations. Jisung sighed. “Hyung, wait…” It almost physically hurt him to remove himself from Minho’s arms and roll over to his other side so he could look at him. Still, he knew that he had to. “We need to talk.”

Panic flickered across Minho’s features and Jisung immediately felt guilty for causing it. “It’s… I didn’t mean it like that…” he mumbled. “Just…” Oh God. How was he supposed to phrase this? “Just…” He took a deep breath. “You need to be kinder to Jeongin. He… It’s hard for him right now. And you are making it even more difficult.”

Minho began frowning and Jisung could see guilt flash across his eyes. He absolutely despised it when the older looked unhappy. He never wanted to be the cause of it. But he also knew that they couldn’t keep going like this.

“I understand, okay?” he quietly added. “I… I feel the same urge.” He didn’t really. Not as soon as someone entered a room. But that was beside the point. “I know it’s still a lot,” he quietly said, carefully choosing his words so Minho didn’t think that he was mad while also understanding that this was important to him. “You know… with eight people in the same group and apartment, it’s never not going to be a lot…” he mumbled. “There is always going to be someone who is close to their cycle or whose partner is, or I don’t know… We can’t keep using that as an excuse.”

Minho nodded. He didn’t meet Jisung’s eyes and Jisung could tell by his expression that the older Alpha knew that he was in the wrong. “I’m sorry,” Minho mumbled. “I… I know… I…” He shook his head. He looked genuinely down. “I don’t like that version of myself either.”

His words hit Jisung harder than they probably should have. He was immediately reminded of how much he had hated himself back when he had kept looking for fights with the other trainees. He knew exactly how it felt to act a certain way without really wanting to. “Don’t blame yourself,” he whispered and reached out a hand so he could cup Minho’s cheek. “I know you don’t mean to act that way…”

“That’s not an excuse…” Minho bit his lips. Jisung had known that he would be hard on himself. It was one of the reasons why he had been so hesitant to bring the topic up. Minho was genuinely doing so much good with him. He really, really didn’t want the older Alpha to latch onto this one thing that Jisung didn’t love.

He looked right into Minho’s eyes. “It’s especially hard for you with Jeongin, isn’t it?” he hesitantly asked. He had noticed it before. But he wasn’t sure what the cause of Minho’s negative special treatment of their Maknae could be. “Is it just that he is freshly presented? Is that what is giving you trouble with him?”

Minho frowned. “It’s probably part of it,” he mumbled and Jisung watched in fascination as his cheeks turned pink. “But I don’t know… I think it’s mostly the way that he adores you so much. Which… obviously I understand!” He hurried to say the last part. “I think everyone should adore you.” He reached out to tug a strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear. “It…I think it just makes me insecure.”

Well, that was certainly not what Jisung had expected. Jeongin adoring him? What the fuck? He had not anticipated that Minho would be that level of delusional. However, he figured that arguing about whether or not Jeongin adored him, would not get him where he wanted. So he just curled up against Minho’s chest and allowed the older to embrace him again. “There is no reason to be insecure…” he whispered. Then, he swallowed thickly before gathering all of his courage and breathlessly added: “I’m yours.”

Minho stiffened for only the briefest of moments in which Jisung was pretty sure his heart stopped. Then, he gently took Jisung’s chin and tilted it upwards until they looked into each other’s eyes. Suddenly, they were close. They were so close. Jisung could see each one of the little wrinkles that formed around Minho’s nose when the older was overthinking something. He wanted to reach out and smooth them all out.

Meanwhile, Minho’s eyes flickered across Jisung’s entire face, down to his lips and up again. “I’m yours too.” He sounded so genuine, so… serious. Jisung swallowed. They were so close that he could feel Minho’s breath against his face. He closed his eyes and… And then the door to the bathroom got opened and Jisung instinctually jerked away.

***

The reality of what had happened or rather what had almost happened, kept Jisung’s head spinning for the next few days. He and Minho didn’t talk about it. They just kept going in the little routine that they had established for themselves. Minho always made breakfast for the two of them, and they would start their day by eating it together.

Since Jeongin was finally truly presented, the group now had schedules to attend to once more. Nothing too crazy or exhausting yet, Chan had made sure of that, but a few dance practices here and there, studio sessions, vocal coaching… Minho had gotten much, much better at handling their periods of separation. He still occasionally showed up with some coffee at the 3RACHA studio, but he didn’t constantly sit in on their sessions. When he was there, he didn’t get clingy with Jisung, and he didn’t become hostile towards anyone else. He just showed up with his coffee, let Jisung cuddle close to him, teased Chan and Changbin for a little before revealing that he brought drinks and snacks for them as well, told them not to work for too long and then left again.

In the evenings, Jisung was usually antsy to get home and curl up against Minho’s side. They spent most of their time just cuddling and watching some drama or some movie - they had recently discovered old horror films for themselves. But by now, they usually separated before they went to sleep. With dance practice starting again, it was undeniable that the constant sharing of single beds was not something their backs were particularly happy about…

However, occasionally, they still fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. Sometimes they were just too tired and lazy to move. Sometimes Minho held onto Jisung when he moved to get up and Jisung knew that the older needed him there for the night. And sometimes Jisung would turn into a human koala and thereby let Minho know that he wanted him with him.

Overall, Jisung was probably happier than he had ever been. Still, he simply could not forget what had happened on that first night back in his own room. He and Minho had almost kissed. There was no point in denying that. And hell, Jisung had wanted it. He still wanted it. Every time he found himself in the Alpha’s proximity now, he wanted it so bad. And yet... the idea of actually talking to the other Alpha about that? To admit it? It caused him to shiver and his stomach to turn every time he thought about it. He was such a fucking coward.

His limbs still felt heavy with sleep, as he walked towards the kitchen that morning. But he had a smile on his lips. As much as he knew that he and the older Alpha definitely needed to talk about… the topic of sharing saliva… he was also just as ready to ignore that fact for the sake of living in his ‘let’s just keep doing what we do and not talk about it’ bliss for a little longer.

As he walked to the door, he wondered what Minho was preparing for them that day and was already happily anticipating getting to back hug the Alpha as he worked, soaking up his favourite scent for the first time that day. However, when he opened the door, his eyes found not only the dancer standing by the stove. There were two more people sitting at the table.

Usually, Jisung wouldn’t care about that anymore. He had given up on lying to himself about the rest of the group not knowing exactly how pathetic he was for Minho and managed to ignore them for the most part… But that morning the sight made him pause. Hyunjin and Jeongin were giggling and half on top of each other with the Alpha spoon feeding the Omega leftover kimchi stew from the night before. They seemed cozy. Very cozy.

It wasn’t the first time that Jisung had noticed these two sticking together. Ever since Jeongin’s rut had ended, he had kept seeing them getting closer and closer. So far, Jisung had assumed that Jeongin was just still looking for comfort after the mess of his rut. And that, since he was an Alpha now – and not one that was as broken as Jisung, he would prefer finding that comfort in the proximity of an Omega. Jisung had assumed that since Felix was basically untouchable with how protective Chan was over him, Jeongin had simply turned to the only other available Omega. And that, since Hyunjin was still very much putting as much space between himself and Changbin as he possibly could, the Omega was happy to provide him with that comfort, maybe even looked for some proximity himself.

However… that morning there was something different about them. They did really look awfully cozy.

And even though Jisung could completely understand Hyunjin for taking multiple steps back from Changbin after what he had said to him the night Jeongin’s presentation had started. And even though he knew that Changbin had gotten himself into this mess, not just by those comments but by his general inability to listen to the Omega and truly understand him so he could give him what he needed… Jisung still felt his heart break for the rapper.

So far, Changbin had only caught glimpses of Hyunjin and Jeongin together. At least as far as Jisung knew. Still, every time he did, it seemed to break the rapper’s heart. Just the other night, Jisung and Minho had gotten themselves snacks from the kitchen and had walked past Hyunjin and Jeongin cuddled up under one blanket on their living room couch. When Changbin had come home not much later, there had been no way for him not to notice them. Jisung had felt Minho next to him tense, clearly anticipating some kind of fight. But Changbin’s shoulders had just slumped, and he had walked away with his head hung low.

Jisung knew that just a week ago, Changbin would have probably gotten in Jeongin’s face. But clearly, he was still trying to do better. He was still trying to see past his own wishes and needs and do what made Hyunjin the happiest instead. And yet… seeing Jeongin and Hyunjin at the kitchen table now… Jisung wasn’t sure whether it wasn’t too late already.

As if on cue the door opened in that exact moment. Jisung flinched. He didn’t even have to look up. He knew who would be walking inside. And yeah, just a heartbeat later, Chan and Changbin came through the door. It was obvious that they had gone to the gym, with each of them carrying a small duffle bag and their hair still wet from the shower. As they walked in, they were both laughing.

Jisung’s heart dropped and then shattered. There was no way someone wasn’t going to end up extremely hurt, and there was a good chance that it wouldn’t just be emotionally. His gaze flickered over to where Hyunjin and Jeongin sat and had frozen in their movements. In that moment, Chan and Changbin seemed to notice all of them.

For a few moments, no one said anything. No one moved. Jisung was still standing in the door to his room, Minho was still by the stove, Hyunjin and Jeongin were still at the kitchen table and Chan and Changbin were staring at them. The tension around them seemed almost palpable.

Maybe surprisingly, the first person who moved was Minho. He dropped the spatula he had been holding and wordlessly walked over to Jisung. There, he wrapped one arm around his waist protectively. It was obvious that he was anticipating the possibility of the situation escalating as well.

Jisung shivered. As much as he loved when Minho silently displayed his priorities in this way, he very much disagreed with them in this specific circumstance. He would be fine.  Jisung swallowed and took Minho’s hand from his waist. Before the older Alpha had any time to panic, Jisung gently intertwined their fingers. Then, he took a deep breath.

Changbin and Chan were still frozen by the door. They were still staring blankly at the pair at the kitchen table. Hyunjin and Jeongin looked tiny in front of them, helpless. Jisung needed to show that they weren’t alone. So, without thinking about it much more, he walked over and stood behind them, tugging Minho with him as he went. As much as he loved Changbin. If the rapper tried to hurt them, Jisung was going to protect these two.

His actions finally seemed to wake the others from their trance. Chan shook his head, as if it would help him sort through his thoughts and then frowned. Meanwhile, something behind Changbin’s eyes seemed to shatter. There was so much pain in those familiar eyes that were usually so warm and happy that it made Jisung’s own eyes burn. Everything in him seemed to scream in protest as Changbin just swallowed and then turned around, leaving in the exact direction that he had come from.

As soon as the front door fell shut behind him, Minho’s shoulders dropped and Jisung let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding. He wanted to cry. He really, really wanted to cry. It felt as if whenever someone made a little bit of progress within their group, someone else was doomed to suffer to balance it out. The mess they were in just seemed to get more complicated and more fucked up. And as much as he hated it when he was the one hurting, seeing the others in pain was so much worse. 

It was Chan who tore him from his thoughts. Their leader let out a loud sigh. His eyes were full of disappointment when he looked at Hyunjin. “Why are you doing this to him?”, he asked quietly. “I do really understand that he hurt you. But is it really necessary to punish him like this?”

His words caused Jisung to wince. He was sure that Chan hadn’t meant any harm. That he genuinely just wanted everyone to get along… But he also knew that those had been exactly the wrong words. Not only was it clear that he did in fact not understand how much pain Changbin had caused Hyunjin, and not just in that one instance. But he had also clearly not taken into account what his words implied to Jeongin…

Jisung let out a shaky breath. Maybe he should intervene. Maybe he should get Hyunjin out of there at least. Or he could tell Minho to take care of Hyunjin and take Jeongin with him. Or he could get Felix so that the other Omega could… But before Jisung was able to even just decide what the best way forward was, Jeongin had already gotten up.

There was anger on his face. So, so much white, hot anger. Jisung had never thought he could find the sight of their Maknae terrifying. But in that moment, there was no other way to describe the younger. Still, there wasn’t just anger on Jeongin’s features… there was also immense amounts of pain. His eyes especially looked downright tortured. Jeongin’s whole appearance suddenly reminded Jisung of an abused street dog, that had become unhinged in its aggression but was really just hurt and scared. And God, he really hoped that their leader could see that as well. That Chan would gently reach out a hand to earn back the youngest’s trust, instead of attacking right back and making it so much worse.

By now, Jeongin had pushed himself right into Chan’s space. He used the small height advantage he had over the older and made a point of looking down at him. His whole demeanour made Jisung whimper. There was no way that this was a good idea.

“Yeah,” Jeongin now bluffed and cocked his head to the side aggressively. “Clearly Hyunjin is punishing Changbin. Of course, the only possible reason he could have for getting close to me is spite.” He spat the last word in Chan’s face like an insult. Then, he locked his jaw and closed his eyes. Far quieter he added: “Trust me, I am very aware of that.” He shook his head and then looked right into Chan’s eyes again. “You don’t have to fucking remind me.”

Clearly overwhelmed with frustration, he pushed against Chan’s chest, and it caused the surprised leader to stumble back a bit. Chan managed to catch himself after just a few steps. But it was enough. All of them tensed immediately, awaiting Chan’s response with held breaths.

However, Jeongin flinched before Chan could do anything. “Fuck. Sorry,” he stammered, clearly as shocked as they all were by his own actions. “I… I didn’t mean… God, I don’t fucking know what I am doing. I’m so sorry.” He looked back at Hyunjin and Jisung could see him shivering. “I… I should get out of here,” he mumbled. “I… Yeonjun invited me, I’ll be with him.” And just like that, he turned around and wordlessly left the exact same way Changbin had just a few minutes earlier.

Jisung’s heart was racing. He still hadn’t fully computed what had just happened. Jeongin had – knowingly or not – challenged Chan. He had gotten in his face and had even pushed him back. Sure, when he had realised what he was doing, he had backed down immediately, but the fact remained that he had done it. Shit.

Chan still looked completely taken aback. However, there was also something else in his eyes… something that Jisung recognized as guilt. It took him far too long until he remembered that it had been Chan’s words that had triggered this response in Jeongin and that there was a good chance that their leader still didn’t even realise why it had. God, this was such a fucking mess.

Next to him, Minho shifted and when Jisung looked up at him, he found the older looking worriedly at Hyunjin. Jisung followed his gaze and winced. Hyunjin looked absolutely destroyed. He was hunched over the table, with his face buried in his arms and sobs wrecking through his entire body. The Omega, who was usually so good at pulling himself together, at not letting any of his emotions show, had clearly reached his breaking point.

***

Minho and Chan were quite obviously at a loss as to how to react to Hyunjin’s breakdown and so it was up to Jisung to try and help. He slowly, very carefully made his way over to the sobbing Omega and gently placed a hand on his back. “Hey…”, he whispered. “Jinnie… I...” Before he could even think of something to say, Hyunjin already turned around and pulled him into a tight hug.

It had been so quick and sudden that Minho had darted forwards to jump between them, but when the dancer realised that Hyunjin just wanted to burry his face in Jisung’s stomach, he slowly backed away again. Jisung wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s trembling frame. When he found Minho’s worried gaze, he mouthed the words “get Felix”. Luckily, he didn’t need to ask twice.

With Minho on his way to get the younger Australian, Jisung turned his whole focus on Hyunjin again. “Do you think you can walk to your room?” he asked gently before looking up at Chan who was still blankly staring at them. “Could you maybe ask Seungmin whether we can maybe be alone for a bit?”

Chan looked as if he had just woken up when he swallowed and hoarsely mumbled: “He isn’t home, said something vague about getting breakfast with a friend or something. Is there anything…” But before Chan could even finish his question, Minho returned, and Felix practically sprinted across the room to wrap his arms around Hyunjin as well.

Minho wordlessly asked whether they needed help carrying Hyunjin to his room, but Jisung shook his head. There was still a lot that he didn’t know about Hyunjin, and he still had a long way to go until he could truly say that he understood the Omega. But in that moment, he was entirely sure that Hyunjin did not want to be touched by anyone besides Felix and himself.

In the end, Jisung and Felix propped Hyunjin up between them and half carried him to the safety of his room. Jisung had never seen him look so helpless. He was still shaking, still sobbing and still making himself as small as physically possible. When they finally got him on his bed, he immediately curled up into a ball and even with both Felix and Jisung doing their best to shield him, he did not calm down.

“Why am I such a fuckup?” the Omega asked over and over again and Jisung and Felix exchanged looks that betrayed how absolutely powerless they both felt to soothe him.

“You’re not,” Felix whispered and nuzzled his face into Hyunjin’s neck, proving his unwavering support as best as he could.  “You are really not. I promise you.”

“But look at me?” Hyunjin half howled. He was still more distraught than Jisung had ever seen him. “I always make everything so much worse.” He clutched onto Jisung’s shirt. “I never want to hurt anyone. Never! And yet I always do. I am such a…”

“Don’t even say it!” Felix whimpered. He sounded as if he was fighting tears as well and Jisung was right there with him. “You don’t!” the Australian hissed. “You’ve made Stray Kids so much better. You have made my own life so much better. I… I… I genuinely don’t know what I would do without you. You always stand up for the two of us. You are always so brave. I feel like I can always count on you to help me out. I… I would just always back down.”

Jisung swallowed thickly. His throat felt as if it was filled with needles. He knew that he would start crying eventually as well. There was simply no way around it. But he tried to at least hold it together for a little longer. Meanwhile Hyunjin just whimpered. “I just pretend that I am strong,” he breathed shakily. “I… I am not actually. You are such a good Omega. You are always so sweet and so gentle, and you keep the peace within the group so well. Hell, even Minho is a better Omega than I am and he’s an Alpha.” He huffed. “But he cooks for all of us and I heard Chan say that he’s like the mum of the group and it’s so accurate. Meanwhile what am I?” Another sob wrecked through him. “The person you go to when you want to get your dick sucked?”

The way Hyunjin talked about himself made Jisung sick to his stomach. And not just because it sounded so, so familiar. “You are such an integral part of this group,” Jisung whispered. “You… You are such a good Omega. You gave Jeongin so much comfort after his presentation. You took such good care of Changbin when he was still hungover from his rut. And none of that had anything to do with whether you sucked any dick or not.” He took what was supposed to be a steadying breath. “I could see it in the way they relaxed around you. It’s not your fault that Changbin acted like an absolute ass afterwards and that Jeongin still needs to figure out how to be an Alpha and that Chan didn’t think his words through.” He reached out to let his hand run through Hyunjin’s hair. “None of us are perfect. You… you know how much I struggled or well, still struggle with my shit.” He shook his head. “Minho isn’t perfect either. He… I mean I am biased and think that he is pretty damn close, but he has some serious jealousy issues.”

“Innie told me,” Hyunjin mumbled quietly and then something like a smile actually crept onto his features. “And Seungminnie was so terrified of him when we came back.”

Jisung rolled his eyes at the memories. “Exactly.” He sighed. “As I said, none of us are perfect. Not in the slightest. But I… I think the most important thing is that we try.” He looked at Hyunjin and gave him a sad smile. “And I know for damn sure that you try your absolute best.” He took another deep breath.

There was still something else that he wanted Hyunjin to hear. Something that he himself needed to hear as well. “And…” he hesitantly began. “And there is also no need to be the ‘perfect Omega’. That’s all made up bullshit anyways. You… You said it yourself. Minho takes on some more Omega roles and…” He huffed. “Look at me. Not exactly the picture-perfect Alpha, am I?” He let out a snort. “You’re you. And that’s all that you need to be.”

Hyunjin just sobbed even harder after his little speech but his grip on Jisung’s shirt tightened which the Alpha chose to take as a good sign. “Changbin told me that you talked to him,” Hyunjin mumbled eventually. “He… It was in the letter.” Jisung winced. From the slap to the fact that he had screamed at Changbin that he was damaged, there was really not a lot that he was proud of from that ‘talk’. “Sorry…” he mumbled. “I know that it probably wasn’t my place to…”

But Hyunjin interrupted him. “I wanted to thank you. I… I think you made him realise a few things. He... He apologized.” He shook his head and Jisung could see his lips trembling. “It was a good apology.”

Felix reached out to gently cup Hyunjin’s cheek. “But that’s good. That’s a step in the right direction. It’s…”

Hyunjin looked up at him through teary eyes. “He told me he loved me.”

Jisung almost choked. He knew that Hyunjin could feel him tensing but the information had completely blind-sided him and all he could think about was Changbin’s utterly broken expression when he had seen the Omega with Jeongin that morning and well… this might be even more fucked up than he had previously realised.

Felix seemed to take the news much better. Or well, at least he seemed much more composed. “Right…” he just tentatively said. “I… I mean that’s not exactly shocking that he feels that way but… I mean it’s a really big thing to say still. I… How do you feel?”

Hyunjin let out another choked sob. “I…  I don’t know,” he whimpered. “I… I am just not ready to forgive him yet, I think.”

Felix nodded. “You don’t need to,” he said gently. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to ever forgive him.”

“You don’t think I am being overdramatic?” Hyunjin looked so broken that it made Jisung want to throw up.

“Of course not,” Felix said gently, still much more helpful than Jisung was being. “I… I don’t know what you have been through. I don’t know what happened between the two of you. And also, everyone is simply different. What might hurt me, might be funny to you. It’s… it’s simply not my place to judge whether anyone’s response to anything is appropriate or not.” He sighed. “And to be fair, he was being a massive ass.”

Hyunjin closed his eyes, and more tears began streaming past his lashes down his cheeks. In that moment, from the way his hair fell partially into his face to how he was curled up in Jisung’s arms… he looked like a fallen angel. It was as if someone had torn off his wings and thrown him right into the depths of hell.

“Can… Can I ask you…” Felix hesitantly began again. “What… I… God, I really don’t want to pour salt in the wound but… but what about Jeongin?”

Hyunjin whimpered. “He is sweet… and… and so thoughtful,” he somehow managed to get out past his sobs. “I… He makes me feel so…”

“Treasured?” Jisung offered and he hoped that it let Hyunjin know that he could empathize with how monumental that feeling could be. Judging by how Hyunjin’s eyes widened, he had hit the nail on the head. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Exactly.”

Felix hummed. “He seems to like you a lot,” he said quietly and then he sighed. “I… Hyunjin I know that right now is probably not the moment to bring this up… I… you know that I am always on your side and…” Jisung brought Hyunjin even closer to his chest. He knew what Felix was trying to say and he agreed that it was not the right moment… like at all. Still, Felix continued. “And I am not accusing you of anything or saying that you, that you are using Jeongin or anything…” He looked at his own hands. “It’s just… If you need love and or attention… if that’s what you are craving, please know that you can always come to us as well.”

Jisung bit down on his tongue as if that would prevent himself from crying while Felix carried on: “Look… I… I know that I am an Omega and that it’s not the same but… I mean, Jisung is an Alpha. And… he has an Alpha as well…” He looked at Jisung. “And he shares if needed, I… I know, I’ve tried it.”

Jisung couldn’t help but splutter at that, which in turn caused Felix to grow red and swat at him. “Ew, not like that you weirdo!” Jisung wanted to kill Felix. But when he heard Hyunjin huff out a weak laugh, he decided that the mortification had been worth it.

Meanwhile, Felix just groaned. “I wanted to say that I understand needing that grounding presence and not getting it where you would like to.” He grimaced. “And I also wanted to make the point that you have other options. I have not and will not ever fuck Minho.”

Okay that was enough. Jisung took a pillow and hit Felix with it who shrieked. That way, they succeeded in making Hyunjin giggle a little again. But then his smile dropped, and he shook his head. “I am not using him,” he mumbled, and he sounded completely sincere. “I would never. I… I never meant to hurt anyone. I… Never.” He choked again. “And yet, I’ve somehow managed to make both of them miserable.”

Felix brushed some more strands of hair out of Hyunjin’s face. “Hey…” he said gently. “Again, that was not your fault, okay? They fucked up as well. And Chan did too. Jisung… Jisung already put it so much better than I ever could. But…” He swallowed. “You said that you think that I am such a good Omega.”

Suddenly there were tears in Felix’s eyes again as well. “I… I am really not. I… I am seriously unlovable.” His words were like a dagger to Jisung’s heart. How could someone like Felix think that about himself? “I mean, sure I’ve always had a lot of friends,” he mumbled. “But those friendships were always superficial. I… Every time I thought someone was my friend or that someone loved me, I’d turn around and they would stab me in the back.” He choked and then shook his head. “I… It sounds so dumb, but I love love so much. I… I’ve always been so stupidly romantic. I’ve always wanted to be courted and have a mate and… and all of that stuff.” His cheeks grew red. “And when I met Chan, I thought that I had finally figured it out. That… That all of the heartbreak led me to him.” He sobbed. “But not even he can love me. Sorry I… Oh God.” he shook his head. “I didn’t mean to make this about me, I just wanted to show you that I understood. Shit, no wonder why no one wants to love me.”

This was the last straw for Jisung. Finally, the dams broke, and tears began streaming down his face as well. “We love you so much,” he whispered. “And you too, Hyunjin. You are both so loved.” It was as coherent as their words got that evening. With all of them just sobbing and whimpering in each other’s arms, before they eventually fell asleep like that.

Jisung woke up because there was commotion outside of the door. For a moment he was disoriented. This wasn’t his room, and it wasn’t Minho’s bunk bed either… There was a body next to his, an arm slung over his middle, but the scent of coffee and vanilla was missing. Instead, the air around him was filled with two much, much sweeter scents… He tried to move and found that there was another body in front of him as well and… Oh. Everything from the day before crashed over him. Shit. He almost began crying again.

But then he heard voices. “Hyung, ‘m fine,” someone, Jeongin, slurred. “Where’s Jinnie?” The question had Jisung wince. There was no way that a clearly drunk Jeongin talking to Hyunjin was a good idea right now. He was already thinking of ways he could stop Jeongin from coming into the room without alerting the Omegas when someone else replied.

“He went to bed,” Minho’s stern voice said and God, Jisung had maybe never been happier to hear it. “He is in there with Felix and Jisung and I am not letting you anywhere close to any of them in this state.”

“But I wanna cuddle,” their Maknae whined. His antics caused Minho to huff. “I’m sure you do,” the older Alpha said. “But he doesn’t want to cuddle with you when you’re like this.”

There was a pause and Jisung wondered whether Minho was reconsidering his tone. It seemed like it. Because eventually Jisung could hear him sigh. “Look,” the dance leader said, his voice much kinder and more understanding now. “I know it’s been a long day, Innie…” Suddenly, Jisung could hear exhaustion in his voice, so much exhaustion. It made him wish that he could sneak out of the room and into his arms. Pull him into either of their beds and hug him until they both fell asleep. But he would wake Hyunjin and Felix. He sighed and instead just closed his eyes to listen for more.

What he hadn’t expected was for Jeongin to sound close to tears the next time he spoke. “Jinnie hates me.”

Great. Now Jisung wanted to walk out there and hug their Maknae instead. He was glad that Jeongin at least had Minho with him. “He doesn’t,” the older Alpha said calmly. “I promise.” There was a pause and Jisung wondered whether they were just looking at each other or whether they were doing something else. It was Minho who eventually broke the silence again. “Don’t cry,” he said quietly. “Just go to bed, yeah? Tomorrow everything will already look very different. I promise.”

It was clear that Jeongin didn’t take his advice. At least, his voice didn’t sound further away the next time he spoke up. “Channie-Hyung hates me.”

“No one hates you, Innie,” Minho soothed again. “But you need to rest. We have to fly to Japan tomorrow.”

Fuck. Jisung had almost forgotten that. How where they supposed to face any photographers in what he could only assume to be a few hours? Luckily, Jeongin ripped him from his thoughts before Jisung could truly panic.

“Changbin-Hyung hates me.” His words caused Jisung to pause. He had expected there to be animosity between Changbin and the youngest, for one to despise the other… not for Jeongin to sound absolutely heartbroken at the idea that the older could hate him.  

Jisung could hear Minho sigh again. However, this time, the dancer didn’t deny Jeongin’s claim. Jisung knew that it was because he didn’t want to tell their youngest something that he couldn’t be sure of. Minho was never one to lie easily. He cared about the truth. “Just go to bed, yeah?” he just said again. “I’ll cuddle you if you want.”

Just the fact that he had made the offer almost made Jisung tear up again. How could Minho be so perfect? However, when he heard Jeongin’s reply, he frowned again. “You’re Jisung’s,” the youngest mumbled. “I… I can’t...”

“I am.” The sure tone in which Minho said those words caused Jisung to shiver. “But I don’t think he would mind. He… He knows that I am his. And he knows that you know it too.” Plus, you are into Omegas, so I don’t think he really sees you as a threat. The last part was left unsaid. “But if you want to, I can ask him.”

Jisung scrambled to find his phone before he could hear anything else. He texted Minho before he could even ask.

***

They were a mess at the airport the next day. Jeongin had thrown up so much that morning that it had been seriously doubtful that they could even go. Chan and Minho were the only people not wearing sunglasses and everyone was hiding behind massive facemasks and in some cases, even scarfs as well.

Jisung hated airports with a passion. He hated the crowds, the smells, all of the noise… it was simply just overwhelming for him. And that day it was even worse. There was so much tension in the air between them that Jisung almost thought that if he tried, he could grab it.

When they faced the photographers, they always walked in some kind of formation and Jisung was always surrounded by security and members. But the way people came streaming towards them from all angles still made him so fucking anxious. It didn’t even help that Minho had started sticking by his side whenever he could. Or well, the knowledge that he was there helped. But he was barely ever able to get close enough to smell that reassuring scent of vanilla and coffee and he couldn’t even wear his trusted hoodies too often or people would undoubtedly get suspicious. And far too often, the other Alpha was swept away in the chaos and Jisung wouldn’t be able to see him until after it had all died down. So, all that was left for Jisung to cling onto was his hatred of airports.

And that day, it was particularly bad. People were pushing them from what felt like every side. And while Jeongin was walking much more slowly that he usually would, Changbin was practically running through the departure hall, tearing their formation apart. The result was that people got so close that Jisung got jostled around and he was just about to have a panic attack, when suddenly, right next to him, a fan somehow managed to push through. Bodyguards were on top of the fan immediately but that meant that they were missing somewhere else. Their formation broke apart, Jisung received a particularly harsh shove and suddenly he found himself hitting the ground, hard.

In that moment, he just wanted to stay exactly where he was, curl up and cry until it was all over. Until they were all gone. But of course, that wasn’t an option. There were hands pulling him up instantly and it was all so overwhelming and wrong that Jisung almost threw up right where he stood. But he held it together. Somehow, he held it together.

That day, seeing their gate felt like what Jisung imagined seeing an oasis in the middle of the desert must feel like. However, he never reached it. Before he could, there was a hand around his wrist again. Only that this time, it wasn’t one of their security guards trying to pull him up. No. This hand was much more familiar, much gentler and much, much more welcome.

Jisung easily allowed Minho to pull him towards a bathroom and soon found himself with his back against the door of a toilet stall… again. He squirmed when Minho began scanning his entire body for damage. “I’m okay, really.”, he whined but Minho just raised an unimpressed brow and resumed his full body scan.

Eventually though, he seemed satisfied or well, at the very least it seemed as if he had accepted that he couldn’t actually find anything visibly wrong. The older Alpha let out a deep sigh. “It killed me to see you like that…”, he admitted quietly. “And it drove me insane that I couldn’t just rush to you and tear all of their heads off.”

Those words had an embarrassing effect on Jisung who keened inadvertently and pressed his thighs together. Minho’s expression went from surprised, to confused, to amused in about five seconds. “Does my Jisungie like that idea?”, he teased lightly and Jisung let out another small involuntary whine. “Hm?”, Minho asked again. “Does my Jisungie like the idea of his Alpha getting all mad and protective at these strangers?”

His eyes widened almost comically when Jisung nodded. Clearly, he hadn’t expected that. He had probably thought that Jisung would just tease him back or make some other joke out of it. And even Jisung wasn’t entirely sure what had compelled him to let the admission slip. Maybe it was how shaken up he was still after the incident and how he wanted someone to take care of him in that moment more than ever before. Or maybe it was that he finally felt ready to face the reality of what they were doing after months and months of dancing around the truth.

Something flickered across Minho’s face. Something between hope and fear. “You do?”, he said quietly. And the tone of his voice made Jisung’s heart clench. Still, he nodded. Minho came a little closer, tentative, careful. “Do…”, he began, and his voice was positively trembling by now. “Are you… and…” He swallowed thickly. “And the part where I called myself your… uh… your Alpha?” Jisung swallowed as well. His throat had gone completely dry, and his heart was beating so fast that it almost felt as if it was trying to jump out of his chest. He looked to the ground. And then… then he nodded again. “I… I like that too.”, he whispered. Because it was true. Because Jisung did like it. And because he saw no point in pretending that he didn’t for any longer.

“I always love when you say that I am yours.” He swallowed. “And that you are mine.”

Minho visibly hesitated. “And… And the part about… you know that we are both…”

“I… I think that I have started to… to accept that I… I don’t want an Omega. I… I never have. I… I  think I might have always wanted an Alpha and… and I am more than lucky to have an Alpha like you.”

When he looked up, he caught Minho watching him with so much adoration that it made Jisung tremble. He watched as Minho took a deep but shaky breath. “Can… Can I kiss you?”, he asked quietly and Jisung’s gaze inadvertently flickered to his lips before he nodded ever so slightly. In the moment their lips met for the first time, Jisung understood what all the novels and all the love songs were about. It was as if everything in his life had been leading up to this point. It was as if he was finally, finally home.

Chapter Text

It was as if Jisung finally understood what people meant when they said that they were “on cloud nine”.  Since the airport, he had felt as if he was flying. But it wasn’t fast, it wasn’t scary. No, the feeling was fluffy and stable and soft. It was like he was sitting on his cloud and the cloud kept telling him: “You’re safe. You’re okay. You’re finally home”.

And yes, there was a part of him that felt incredibly guilty at his own happiness. Every day, he was reminded of just how much misery there still was around him… Changbin, Hyunjin, Jeongin… even Chan and Felix in a way… It made him feel terrible when he remembered just how much the people who were closest to him were struggling.

However, even that was easier to forget in Japan. Because, somehow, Chan had managed to get them each a separate hotel room for the duration of their stay. It was a luxury that they rarely ever afforded. But for where they were now, it was the best thing that could have happened to them.

Clearly, it had been good for them to have some more space. They were now on their second night there, and so far, there had not been any big fights that had broken out, no shouting, no blaming, no tears. Everyone seemed to have mostly stayed out of each other’s way.

To be fair, they had also all been working like crazy. They had arrived in Japan with big plans of things they wanted to do, places they wanted to see, food they wanted to eat. But now that they finally had a night off, everyone just seemed to be exhausted and ready to spend the night watching TV and playing games. Hell, even Jisung was laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling fan.

But yeah okay, he wasn’t exactly exhausted. Honestly, he mostly felt… giddy as fuck. Because Minho had asked him out on a date. A real date. He had even called it a date! And Jisung couldn’t fucking wait. His problem was mostly that it was still far too early to start getting ready. Minho had had to stay behind on the last shoot for some brand ambassador thing and he wouldn’t be able to pick up Jisung until a few hours from now. And well, now Jisung didn’t know what to do with himself.

He had already started a drama but quickly decided that he was too nervous to focus on it. He had picked up the phone to order some food, just to put it down again because he was going to a restaurant with Minho and if he ate now, he wouldn’t be hungry later. Eventually, he had decided that maybe he should go find the gym.

He had just gotten up to find some sweatpants, when there was suddenly a knock on his door. For a moment, Jisung panicked. His first thought was that Minho must already be done and while, yes, that should have probably been good news for him, he wasn’t ready in the slightest. And hell, just this once, he had wanted to put effort into his appearance!

However, the person behind the door interrupted his spiralling thoughts by yelling: “It’s your glam team!” and a smile inadvertently crept onto Jisung’s lips. Felix. Presumably with Hyunjin.

“We have wine!” Definitely with Hyunjin.

Apparently, the Omegas had caught wind of his plans for the evening … and there was really just one person who could have pointed them in the right direction. Jisung smiled quietly to himself as he made his way over to his door. Minho must have guessed that his nerves would be eating away at him, and the older Alpha had absolutely nailed the remedy for it.

Hyunjin, Felix and Jisung just lounged about at first. All cuddled up on the same bed, they spent almost two hours chatting, giggling and trying to forget their worries. Apparently, Felix had started a new dating reality show and soon Jisung found himself having very strong opinions of various people he had never seen.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin told them about how he had started experimenting with a new style of painting and had accidentally ruined part of his hotel room with the colours. When he showed them the pictures of what looked like an actual crime scene, Jisung had to hold his stomach because it had started hurting from all the laughter.

However, in that moment, Felix seemed to remember that they had come to his room with a mission. He made the Alpha get up and, in the end, Jisung basically put on a fashion show for the two Omegas. He modelled virtually everything he had packed, sometimes having to put on the same things multiple times in multiple combinations as per popular demand. It was admittedly fun though, with Hyunjin and Felix hyping him up as if he was competing in a beauty pageant or on Drag Race.

When they had finally decided on an outfit, they started on Jisung’s hair and make-up but ended up mostly just putting on their favourite music and dancing around the hotel room. Felix taught the other two multiple TikTok dances and when Blackpink came on, they began singing their hearts out until Chan shot them a text, asking them to tone it down a bit because their team had apparently already been getting complaints about the noise.

After they calmed down, at least somewhat, Felix put glitter on Jisung’s eyelids and Hyunjin gave him a chapstick that made his lips look plumb and glossy. By the end, Jisung felt more confident about his appearance than he maybe ever had.

He was so endlessly grateful for Felix and Hyunjin, for the true friendship the three of them had formed. Being with them allowed him to truly let his guard down, to relax, to – as cheesy as that sounded – be himself. He swallowed, realising that, maybe he should tell them that. “Thank you,” he mumbled and turned around to the Omegas who were cuddled up on his bed and watching him like parents whose only child was about to go to prom. “For everything.”

Felix gave him a bright smile, but Jisung’s gaze flickered over to Hyunjin who was biting his lips. Jisung hated seeing him like this, hated when he could see the facade crumbling even if just ever so slightly. He hated catching glimpses at the pain that was buried underneath the perfectly crafted image. And yet, he was so grateful whenever he did. One day, he hoped that Hyunjin would be comfortable enough to talk to them about what was clearly eating at him every single day.

“I actually have something to tell you two…” Felix mumbled in that moment, tearing Jisung from his thoughts and causing him to whip his head around so quickly that he probably almost gave himself a concussion. The Omega’s cheeks had turned a deep shade of pink. “I… You know that I will have to have my heat when we get back to Korea, right?”

Jisung frowned and nodded. He had no idea where this was going to go. Next to him, Hyunjin tilted his head to the side. Felix’s blush just deepened. “Well… So… Oh God,” he giggled. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I kind of asked Chan whether he would spend it with me?”

Jisung felt his jaw drop while Hyunjin outright gasped. Felix bit back a smile. “Long story short, he said yes.”

At those words, Hyunjin squealed and immediately went over to wrap Felix in the biggest of hugs while Jisung just repeated: “Oh my God. Oh my God.” over and over and over again. This was big. This was really big. Or well, at least Jisung hoped so. He knew how much this meant for Felix, how much it meant that Chan would take a few days away from the group and his responsibilities… for another reason than being forced to do it because of his own rut… This just had to be a big deal. Maybe it even marked the start of Chan pulling his head out of his own ass when it came to Felix.

Jisung wrapped his arms around both of the still hugging Omegas. “I’m so happy for you,” he said quietly, and he did truly mean it. Even if there was an undeniable pit that had opened in his stomach at the mention of cycles. Because Jisung needed to have his own rut. He knew it. He had avoided it for so many years and he knew that it wasn’t healthy. He knew that, eventually, his body would give up on him. But the reality was also that he was terrified, that he had no idea how he was supposed to even just survive a cycle, alone or not. There was simply no way… he simply just couldn’t… He… He…

He was saved from his own thoughts by a knock on the door in that exact moment.

***

Minho looked absolutely incredible. He was dressed in some well fitted black jeans and a long-sleeved shirt that showed off his body in the best way possible. At first, Jisung thought that he had kept his make-up and hair from the shoot that he had had. However, upon second glance he could tell that this wasn’t photoshoot make-up, and this wasn’t brand ambassador hair.

This was bb-cream, a touch of concealer and some chapstick. This was wetness clinging onto the hair on the side of his head because he had missed a spot while styling it out of his face with the blow-dryer that was attached to the wall in the hotel bathroom. This was Minho putting in effort. And somehow just that fact alone made Jisung feel that fluttery feeling in his chest again.

The older Alpha smiled at him and Jisung bashfully smiled back. He hesitantly walked forwards, and Minho immediately welcomed him with open arms. Jisung practically melted into the dancer as soon as he closed his arms around him. Minho’s scent seemed even stronger that night and Jisung couldn’t stop himself from bringing his face even closer to the older’s neck, chasing the coffee and vanilla that he loved so much.

He felt Minho press the smallest of kisses to the top of his hair and knew that he was blushing. Felix and Hyunjin were still in the room and most definitely watching them. However, while yes, Jisung was definitely still a little embarrassed to be this affectionate in front of them, he was mostly just happy that Minho was there, that they were really going to go on a date now.

It was small things that made Jisung feel incredibly treasured as they walked to the car… Minho’s hand not leaving the small of his back the entire way down, the way the older Alpha opened every door for him, the small compliments he gave him along the way... Jisung already felt as if he was living a movie.

When they arrived at the restaurant, they had to be more discreet. But that didn’t mean that Jisung wasn’t still outright giddy. He simply could not believe that this was where his life had led him, that he was on a date, a real official date with the Alpha of his dreams…

“Is the sashimi worth the hype?” Minho asked and pulled Jisung from his thoughts.

“Definitely.” He nodded. “You have got to try this one.” Jisung was about to point at one kind that really was particularly good, but then he had another idea. He picked up a piece and hesitantly reached across the small table. He wasn’t exactly sure what he had expected, but the way Minho’s eyes seemed to positively light up when he realised what Jisung was trying to do, made his stomach explode into butterflies. The older Alpha gently took the piece from Jisung’s chopsticks with his teeth, and both of their ears turned red as he started eating it.

“Wow,” Minho made when he had swallowed. “That’s so good.” He glanced up at Jisung and smiled in a way that made his eyes sparkle. “Thank you.” The look on his face left no doubt that he wasn’t just thanking Jisung for feeding him the piece of fish. There was so much more to those words. It caused Jisung to shyly avert his eyes.

“Don’t thank me,” he mumbled, and he knew that he was blushing. “I… I should thank you. You took me here.” He bit his lip. He was uncomfortable. But he really wanted to say this to Minho. He wanted him to hear it. “You did so much for me Hyung.” At this point his voice was barely more than a whisper. The familiar shame crawled back into his system. The voices in his head began speaking up again, those that told him that he was pathetic and not worth anyone’s time. Still, the way Minho looked at him made Jisung want to push through.

“You were always so patient with me,” he mumbled. “Even… even when I pushed everyone away, you stayed by my side.” He looked at his hands. He was so ashamed of himself, of how he had acted in the past, of how emotional he was getting now. And yet, he needed Minho to hear this. “I… I know that I wasn’t a good person,” he whispered. “I… I hate that I acted like that. I…” He looked up, directly into the Alpha’s eyes. “Hyung. I am seriously happier right now than I have ever been, I think. And most of that is because you didn’t give up on me. So… yeah… thank you.”

Minho looked almost tortured across from him. “I wish we were alone,” the dancer said quietly and his foot gently nudged Jisung’s under the table. It wasn’t a big gesture, but it meant so much. “I wish I could hug you right now.” He dropped his gaze and swallowed thickly.

“You… you were always a good person,” he quietly continued eventually. “Please, never say things like that about yourself.” He shook his head. “It hurts me so much to hear that kind of stuff. We all struggle. And you were always trying so hard.” He formed fists on the table, almost as if it caused him physical pain to say the next words. “I have so much compassion for younger Jisung.” He set his jaw. “He was in so much pain. And… And I am so grateful that he pushed through.” He grimaced. “In a way, he is the reason why we are where we are now.” 

Jisung hated how the lump in his throat was suddenly impossible to ignore. He had wanted to enjoy this dinner fully, so why the fuck was he close to tears again? Minho just gave him a sad smile. “I am not expecting you to forgive yourself today or tomorrow,” he said gently. “But I really hope that one day, you can find it in yourself to have some love for him as well.”

There was silence between them after those words. That was, until Minho eventually shook his head and smiled a hesitant smile. “I have no idea how to move on from this,” he quietly admitted and just those words alone caused Jisung to giggle. His reaction seemed to calm Minho, because when he spoke again, there was a relaxed grin on his lips. “I had wanted to tell you a story about the time I came to Japan with my dance crew and my roommate thought it was a good idea to dye his hair the night before our performance.”

The story turned out to be so funny that Jisung found himself gasping for air and holding his side by the time the waitress took away their plates. Minho asked for the check and paid for the two of them. And when the older Alpha held the door for Jisung as they stepped out of the restaurant, he marvelled at how lucky he had gotten to have someone like Minho by his side.

The Alpha asked him what he wanted to do and when Jisung didn’t really have an answer for him, he suggested just walking down the side of the river. The older had picked a restaurant in Asakusa, and the old town was beautiful at this time of the evening. There were countless people by the river, couples, friends, families… all sitting in little designated picnic areas underneath the trees. They decided to get an ice cream and walked down Nakamise-dori Street until they ended up at the temple. It all felt absolutely surreal to Jisung.

At some point Minho took out his phone and started taking pictures of Jisung. And when Jisung asked to see them, he marvelled at how happy he looked, how carefree. It was not a look he was used to seeing on himself. Of course, he took some photos of Minho as well and even some selfies with the two of them.

“This might have been one of the happiest evenings of my life,” Jisung said when they eventually got back into the car to head back to the hotel. And he meant it. He had never expected any of this to ever even be possible for him.

Minho just smiled down at him and pressed a discreet kiss to the side of his head. “That makes me happy,” he said quietly. “And I had a wonderful time as well. I…” He chuckled and shook his head while looking down at his hands. “I almost can’t believe that I’m not dreaming.”

Of course Minho walked Jisung all the way back to his hotel room and of course Jisung awkwardly shuffled around before he finally gathered enough bravery to invite the other Alpha inside. Jisung had no idea why he had expected it to be weird now that they had kissed, now that they were officially dating. He didn’t know why he had almost expected that Minho would want to immediately make out with him and maybe do other stuff that he wasn’t really comfortable with.

It almost felt like a betrayal, the fact that he had even thought it possible. Because when he let him in, Minho didn’t even touch Jisung. He just walked to the window and looked outside. Jisung watched him in mild confusion as the other Alpha hesitated for a little bit before… dropping to the ground. He looked up to Jisung, who was by now staring at him in disbelief, and shrugged. “It’s pretty comfortable and you can still enjoy the view,” he said. “Wanna order some dessert and coffee and cuddle?”

„There is no way you’re real,” Jisung whispered while he settled between Minho’s legs on the ground next to the window. “Do you have any idea how romantic this is?”

He felt Minho chuckle. “Is it though?” he murmured back. “Sitting on a probably not very clean, hard hotel room floor and ordering overpriced chocolate cake?”

Jisung laughed quietly. “Well, I like it. I think it’s a cute idea.”

The chocolate cakes they had ordered were heavenly and the coffee was amazing. However, they did eventually sacrifice the comforter from the bed to have something to sit on and put on Howls Moving Castle as well, as it turned out that just looking out of the window got kind of boring after a while.

Honestly though, for Jisung, it was almost even more perfect this way. He was leaning against Minho’s chest, with his head against his shoulder, wrapped in his arms all while watching his favourite movie. He felt small in the best way possible, protected, treasured, everything that he had deep down always craved to feel.

When the movie came to an end, Jisung couldn’t supress a yawn and Minho let a hand run through his hair. “It’s pretty late, huh?” he said quietly. “Maybe we should head to bed.”

Jisung, however, just grumbled sullenly and curled even closer to the other Alpha. He never wanted this evening to end. Everything was simply so perfect in that moment and just the mere idea of Minho going back to his own room made him want to cry. He sighed. “Do… Like…” he felt so stupid. They had done this countless times before. Why was he suddenly so nervous? “Would you maybe want to sleep here?”

Minho kissed the back of his head, then his shoulder, and then his neck. “I would love nothing more.”

The dancer still went to his room. But it was only to change into something more comfortable and to wash up. Though that didn’t stop Jisung from getting nervous when he had finished getting ready for bed and Minho hadn’t yet returned.

However, when he sat down and looked at his phone, he found that the Alpha had sent him the photos from their date with a little “Had the best time today, can’t believe I get to call you mine <3” and he relaxed a bit.

As he scrolled through the photos, he once again found himself in utter disbelief that this was supposed to be him, that this was supposed to be his life. He still remembered how his mother had told him stories of how she had visited Japan with her friend after they had finished school. Back then, Jisung had tried to imagine what it would be like to find someone who would want to go see Japan with him, who would walk to all of the sights and take pictures of him…

Without even really thinking too much about it, he found himself on his chat with his mother. She and his father had been his biggest supporters for all of his life, they deserved to share a piece of the happiness he was feeling. He selected a few photos that Minho had taken of him and captured them with “made it to Asakusa - it’s as beautiful as you always said”. In the end, he even decided to add one of the selfies they had taken. One that had both him and Minho in it. Nothing about the picture made it obvious that they were a couple. But to Jisung, it still felt big. He put his phone to the side when there was a knock on the door. His parents wouldn’t respond before the morning anyways.

Minho pulled Jisung right back into a tight hug as soon as he opened for him and Jisung found himself once again smiling against that familiar chest. They crawled into bed together and it felt just as safe and comfortable as it always did. When Minho closed his arms around him, he pressed a kiss to Jisung’s neck and Jisung found himself smiling. He hesitated for the briefest moment, but then turned around in Minho’s arms. The other Alpha looked at him with an expression that reflected so much adoration and wonder that it had Jisung shiver.

“Sungie?”, the older asked quietly and Jisung almost started purring at the tone of his voice. “I haven’t stopped thinking about kissing you since the airport. Can… Can I?”

Jisung was nodding before he had even finished his question. “Please,” he breathed. “Please, Hyung.”

In the end, Jisung couldn’t have said who leaned in first. But it didn’t matter. Somehow, someway their lips found each other, and it was as if the world around them disappeared. To Jisung, it felt as if the universe shrunk down until it only held the two of them. Because nothing else could be as important as this, right? Nothing could be as important as the way their mouths fit against each other and the way the other Alpha tasted.

Minho’s hands seemed to be everywhere. They ran up and down Jisung’s back, over his hips, his waist, the swell of his ass. They pulled him on top of the dancer, they held his chin, his cheeks, is neck. And Jisung pressed himself closer and closer and so impossibly close. He was kissing the older Alpha so hungrily that you would think he needed it to survive.

At some point, he felt teeth graze his lips and couldn’t help but to moan inadvertently. For a moment, panic coursed through his veins. However, before he could really get embarrassed about what had happened, Minho groaned and rolled them over. Suddenly, he was on top of Jisung. He was covering him entirely and making him feel so small, so at his mercy… Jisung instinctually tilted his head back.

Minho let out a low and possessive growl that had goosebumps erupt all over Jisung’s body. As ridiculous as it was, a part of him still told him that this was wrong, that he was supposed to fight any Alpha getting this close to his neck… However, his body must have not gotten the message because Jisung was dizzy with want when Minho began kissing the side of his neck, right at the place where a mating mark would sit.

By now, Jisung was practically non-verbal, only letting out small whines and gasps and simply letting Minho turn him into putty in his hands. He was completely blissed out, not thinking about anything other than just how much he wanted the other Alpha. Until… well, until he felt something graze his leg that was definitely not usually there when they were cuddling. Something big and hard and… Oh God.

His eyes widened in panic, and he was scrambling up and away from Minho before he even really had a chance to realise what he was doing. Shit. Fuck. Jisung was panting and his heart was racing. He felt as if he had been dreaming and someone had just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over his head. Tears sprang to his eyes before he could stop them. He didn’t even know why he was crying. He was just… It was all just so much and… Oh God. What had he done? He felt bad for panicking, but he was also terrified. And he didn’t want to look at Minho. He didn’t want to see the disappointment, maybe even the anger in his eyes. He didn’t want to see the…

 “Baby…” Minho said quietly, his voice as careful as it could be. “Hey… It’s okay.” Suddenly there was a gentle hand on his chin, carefully coaxing him to look up. “Can you tell me what is scaring you?”

Jisung just shook his head. He was so embarrassed. He felt so pathetic, so ridiculous, so stupid. How was it possible to even suck at being a perversity? How could he go his whole fucking life with this unnatural craving to be taken care of by another Alpha and then, the second an Alpha gave him any attention, he panicked?

Hell, he had even fucking fantasized about Minho knotting him. And the older Alpha had been nothing but patient and kind with Jisung. He deserved to get off. He deserved someone to fulfil his desires. He… “Was it too much?” Minho asked gently. “Did we go too fast? I will admit that I kind of lost myself there a little. I am so sorry.”

Jisung whimpered but he felt like he owed it to Minho to at least try to explain. “No, Hyung it’s just…” his voice broke. “I just don’t think I’m ready… I…”

“Oh Baby…” To Jisung’s surprise, Minho sounded almost relieved. “Please don’t feel like you need to be ready for anything.” He let a hand gently run through the younger’s hair. “There is no pressure and there will never be. I promise you that.” He carefully reached out to wipe a few stray tears from Jisung’s cheek. “I already feel like the luckiest person in the world right now.” His words caused Jisung to whimper again. He didn’t deserve Minho. He simply didn’t. But the other Alpha just went on: “And if you don’t want to kiss, then we don’t kiss. If you would like me to go back to my own room, I’ll leave.” Minho shook his head. “Just… please, don’t cry. It breaks my heart.” He sounded truly broken when he said that last part.

Jisung gave his best to smile despite everything. “Don’t you dare,” he mumbled. “If you leave or if you stop kissing me, I’m breaking up with you.”

Marvellously, his words had the desired effect and caused Minho to chuckle lightly. “Understood,” the dancer said and even saluted. “Your wish is my command.”

***

Unfortunately, they hadn’t been able to stay in Japan forever and once they had returned to Korea, reality had hit them like a storm at sea. Over the last weeks and at this point months, they had been working nonstop, preparing for their biggest comeback yet. The writing and recording for the album had already been brutal. But they had been done with it for a few weeks now. Back then, Jisung had naively thought that the worst must be over, when in reality, it had only been then that the work had really started.

Since they had come back from Japan, they had had shoots almost every single day. Tapings for TV appearances, for content that would come out alongside the music to promote their stuff, interviews, challenges… Jisung had truly not been aware of just how much content there could possibly need to be produced for about two handful of songs.

And, on top of that, there were still some music videos that had to be recorded, B-sides and other seemingly randomly selected songs that JYPE had apparently decided deserved some more attention. Just that morning, they had been picked up at fucking five a.m. and had been driven to the middle of nowhere to shoot a music video for the entirety of the day.

Jisung felt bad about complaining because he did truly love his job and was grateful for their steadily growing success every single day but damn… It was now evening and Jisung felt as if someone had strung him through a meat grinder and left him in pieces.

He sighed and let himself sink deeper into the softness of their sofa. At least they had the rest of the day off. Almost all of them were back at the dorms now. With the very notable exception of… well… Hyunjin and Changbin.

When their team had announced that those two needed to stay behind for some more recording, Felix and Jisung had instantly found each other. They had headed over to Hyunjin immediately and had offered that they would stay, that they wouldn’t let him be alone if he was even just slightly uncomfortable with it.

However, Hyunjin had just shooed them away. “I’ll be fine,” he had told them. “Both of you deserve the evening off.” When neither of them had moved, the Omega had sighed. “I am going to be picked up a little later tomorrow, you won’t. You need to get some rest.” He had huffed but then his shoulders had slumped, and he had quietly admitted: “I’d feel fucking terrible if you stayed. Please, leave. Please enjoy your evening. I promise that if anything happens, I’ll call you.”

So yeah, in the end, Jisung and Felix had decided that it would be best if they headed home with the others. But Jisung was still endlessly worried at the idea of the two of them having to be by themselves. If Changbin hurt him again…

An arm curled around his waist and distracted Jisung. He was genuinely happy that he got to spend the evening with Minho, despite his worries. They were munching the delivery they had ordered while half-heartedly watching an old anime that both of them had seen countless times. It was nice, relaxed. Jisung wasn’t on edge the entire time and in his world that was basically a holiday.

The two of them had elected to eat in the living room in order to avoid the crumbs in bed which had been driving especially Minho insane lately. Jisung didn’t mind them as much but he of course wanted to make sure the older Alpha was comfortable and so he happily gave up his habit of dinner in bed. At first, he had been a little nervous for the others to witness them again. In Japan it had been so easy to hide. Jisung thought he would be uncomfortable once that privacy was gone again.

However, no one had raised a brow when they had cuddled up on the couch. It was obvious that the members had gotten used to the idea of Jisung and Minho by now, that they didn’t care. Jisung relished in how nice it felt to be able to have this casual closeness with the other Alpha. He still couldn’t imagine ever being comfortable enough to go as far as like… kiss Minho in front of the others, or to make their relationship obvious to anyone outside of Stray Kids. And yet, this was already so much more than he could have ever imagined a few years ago.

He sighed and put down his empty food container before cuddling closer into Minho’s side. He let his head rest against his shoulder and smiled when Minho pressed a quick kiss to his hair. He loved these small gestures of affection that Minho always showered him in. A kiss to his hair or his temple, a squeeze of his thigh, even just a lingering touch on the small of his back or his waist. It was sweet. It made Jisung feel loved.

However, his eyes widened with realisation when Minho bit into his food again. “Hyung?” he squealed and scooted away to touch his hair. “I just showered!” His voice had adopted a whiney tone that was clearly highly amusing to Minho. “Don’t laugh!” Jisung pouted. “I bet you just made my hair greasy again. I can see how your lips look!”

Minho just chuckled. “Sorry Baby,” he said, and that nickname alone was enough to have Jisung melt into the sofa. “I’ll wash it for you if you need to wash it again.” Jisung huffed and lightly hit Minho’s shoulder. But he couldn’t entirely bite back a small smile. Minho made him so fucking happy that it was unfair.

However, in that exact moment, voices were raised in the other room. “You don’t get to tell me what I am allowed to do!” Jeongin shouted at someone. His voice was muffled behind the closed door, but his words were still clear enough to cause Jisung to wince. “You are not my parents! I am an adult. So back off!”

Jisung knew who he was shouting at before anyone had even replied. He was immediately reminded of the fight after what had happened with that Alpha at the music show, of how Felix had tried to get involved and of how Chan had brutally shot him down. “We are not a pack! And you are certainly not the fucking Pack-Omega. Stop trying to get involved!” Jisung still remembered how much Felix had cried that day. Fuck. The memory hurt.

Minho seemed to feel the same. He put down his food and pulled Jisung into his arms instead. “One day, it will get better,” he whispered and Jisung wasn’t sure whether Minho was saying it to him or to himself.

“We are just worried about you!” Chan shouted back on the other side of the door. “We don’t want to make rules for you. We want you to be safe and to make smart choices. We have a music show appearance tomorrow morning and you know in which state you were last time you went out before a schedule!” Jisung whimpered. He hated this constant fighting so, so much. And it seemed like none of them ever learned.

“Smart choices huh?” Jeongin shot back. “And who decides what’s smart and what isn’t? Because let me tell you, a lot of people would look at the way you treat Felix and think you’re a fucking idiot!”

It was a low blow. But it wasn’t like there was no truth in the Maknae’s words. Chan knew that as well as Jeongin and as well as Felix… who Jisung just knew was right there in the room with them. There was silence for a little, until a softer voice confirmed Jisung’s suspicions.

“What is happening between Chan and me has nothing to do with this,” Felix reasoned. “Last time you went out, you spent all morning throwing up and we almost had to cancel our appearance in Japan. We just want to make sure that you have learned from that and that you won’t do it again.” He sighed. “I know you’re hurting. But this…”

“At least I admit it!” Jeongin shouted, interrupting the Omega. “You just pretend that you are fine. How long are you planning on keeping that up, huh? Neither of you are good role models!” Jisung winced again and Minho cursed under his breath. Those words would hurt Chan and Felix to their core, they both knew it.

And Jeongin wasn’t even done yet. “Neither of you get to tell me anything. Not when you always make everything worse in your attempts at fixing things…” Without having to see it, Jisung knew that Jeongin was talking to Chan. “And not when you don’t even have enough self-respect to stop fucking sleeping with a man who is hurting you every single day.” Those words were clearly directed at Felix. They caused Jisung to whimper. “So fucking leave me be. Let me screw up my own life. It’s not like you know how to be better.”

The door flew open and Jeongin came storming past where Jisung and Minho were still cuddling. Jisung instinctually moved to get up, to stop the youngest, to somehow reason with him. But Minho gently held him back. “Don’t,” the older Alpha said quietly. “Not right now.”

Jeongin didn’t even acknowledge them. However, Jisung could still see the tears in his eyes as he rushed past them and ran out the front door. He wished he could somehow help the younger. But how? What guidance could Jisung of all people possibly provide?

Just a moment later, the same door opened again and Jisung turned around to feel like a dagger had been stabbed through his chest as soon as he spotted Felix. The Omega’s eyes were bloodshot, and his lips were trembling. Jisung immediately scooted away from Minho and opened his arms. Felix didn’t hesitate before falling into them. He began sobbing as soon as he could bury his face in Jisung’s shoulder. His crying was gut-wrenching, like the sounds of an abandoned animal that was desperately crying out for their owner and Jisung couldn’t bear it. Far too soon, he was fighting tears again as well. Especially, when Minho scooted closer and wrapped his arms around both of them protectively.

Meanwhile Chan looked like a kicked dog when he eventually walked out of the room as well. He sighed defeatedly and let himself plop down on the sofa beside them. “I really don’t know what to do,” he mumbled, an admission that he barely ever made. “I want to help but I… I just keep failing everybody.” His broken tone prompted Felix to redirect his attention and crawl into their leader’s lap instead. “You’re too good for me,” Chan said quietly after he had closed his arms around the Omega. “You’re far too good for me. I… I am so sorry that I keep hurting you.”

For a while, there was nothing but the sound of quiet sobbing in their living room. They just sat there, Minho holding Jisung and Chan holding Felix and they didn’t say a word. That was, until Chan suddenly looked to Jisung. “You have to talk to Jeongin.” He shook his head. “Please. I’m so worried about him and you are the only one who he might listen to. He idolizes you.”

Jisung almost scoffed at that. Right, as if. As if anyone would look up to him, least of all a recently presented Alpha. If Jeongin was looking for role models to show him what a good Alpha could be, and he didn’t want to be like Chan, he should look to people like Minho, or even Seungmin. Not Jisung, who was crying and pathetically curled up against another Alpha.

***

Jisung was pretty sure that, no matter how long he was going to be an idol or how successful they were going to get, he would never get used to music shows. He would probably always hate them with a passion. The chaos, the noise, the people… all of it never failed to make him incredibly uncomfortable and anxious. He hated how crowded the backstage area was, how stressed out everybody seemed and how harsh the tone always felt. Someone was always shouting, someone was always crying and worst of all, there was always someone for whom it all got too much. There was always someone who, after so much hard work and so many years, gave up on their dreams. It broke Jisung’s heart every time.

He took a shaky breath and tried to be grateful that at least, Stray Kids got a dressing room to themselves. But it was still only one room for them, their managers, their make-up artists and stylists, for the entire staff. It was loud, it was crammed, it was simply just too much. And to make matters worse for Jisung, Minho wasn’t even there. He and Chan had been pulled from the room by someone who wanted to discuss something somewhere and he had no idea when they would be back.

Sure, it wasn’t like he would be free to just cuddle up to Minho when he was there. But somehow it still relaxed him whenever he knew that the older was close. Part of it was probably that Jisung knew that Minho would protect him no matter what happened, regardless of whether it was from someone within their team or outside of it, regardless of whether it was someone who was ‘higher up’ or not. Hell, even if Minho just had to protect Jisung from himself, he would, without hesitation and without judgement. And just that knowledge alone was incredibly calming.

Still, it went beyond that as well. Minho was not just a stabilizing presence for Jisung, over the last months, the dancer had become an incredibly important pillar for the entire group. Not having him or their leader there made Jisung feel as if they were a powder keg about to explode.

Felix seemed to feel the same. Ever since Chan and Minho had left, the youngest Omega had started anxiously walking up and down the room, playing around on his phone but really just glancing at the door every two seconds or so. Jisung was sure that he wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it was undeniable that his actions just added to the overwhelming feeling of restlessness around them.

Every now and again, Jisung thought that Seungmin, who was eating ramen on one of the sofas, would get up and stop the Omega. He had looked as if he was about to put the noodles down and get up more than a few times now. However, so far, he hadn’t done anything.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin and Changbin were sitting as far away from each other as physically possible, both curled in on themselves, and clearly trying to shut the world out to the best of their abilities. Both of them looked absolutely miserable.

That morning, Felix had come into Jisung’s room and had asked him whether they should go talk to Hyunjin about how the shoot with Changbin had gone. They had decided to see whether an opportunity presented itself and when they had ended up in a car with just the three of them, they had seized the chance.

Hyunjin had just rolled his eyes. “How do you think it went?”, he had scoffed. “We didn’t say a word to each other and kept out distance as best we could.” He shook his head. “I mean we were professional enough. So like, don’t worry about that. But it’s not like we made up or anything.”

Felix and Jisung had exchanged worried glances. Still, they hadn’t pushed any further. They both knew that Hyunjin was once again masking his pain. By now, they both knew the dancer well enough to tell that he was deeply affected by the loss of the relationship that he had had with Changbin – no matter of what nature it may have been, that he was still incredibly hurt by everything the Alpha had said to him and that he was now also extremely worried about their Maknae and his drunken nights out… Jisung had been able to see all of that. And yet, he had felt absolutely helpless in the face of it.

He let out a deep sigh. He was worried about Jeongin as well. How could he possibly not be? Just one glance to where their Maknae was sitting in a makeup chair was already enough to make him shiver. Jeongin was incredibly pale, with bags under his eyes so blue that they almost looked like bruises. His gaze was unfocused, and his eyes were red. He had bitten his lips raw and Jisung could see him shaking even from across the room.

The night before, Jisung had been lying awake for hours, unable to sleep despite being wrapped in Minho’s protective arms. The idea that Jeongin was still out there had made him unable to find any rest.

Jisung couldn’t have cared less about their schedules or how it would look to show up at a music show with a clearly hungover member. In that moment, he was simply terrified for their youngest. Jeongin had so obviously not given a fuck about his own wellbeing when he had stormed out. And… when the pain was greater than any logic or reason…  Jisung knew just how dangerous that mindset could be.

It had been as if he had let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding when Jeongin had finally stumbled inside. It had been clear that the younger had been more than a little intoxicated. He had been struggling to even just stay on his feet while he had tried to get to the bathroom. He had hit the doorframe, had cursed under his breath and Jisung had winced when he had heard him throw up into their toilet just a little later.

He hadn’t been able to help himself. Jisung had closed his eyes, had freed himself from Minho’s arms and had then tiptoed over to the door to their bathroom. There, he had hesitated for a moment, before finally sighing and knocking carefully. “Innie?” he had asked. “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” All that he had gotten in reply had been a series of gut-wrenching sobs.

Jisung had felt completely and entirely helpless. He had wished that he could take some of this off of Jeongin’s shoulders, that he could somehow lighten his load, but how could he possibly have?

“Jisung, you need to talk to him,” Chan’s words had echoed in his mind. “He looks up to you.”

Jisung had jumped when there had suddenly been a hand on his back. However, he had relaxed almost instantly. Of course, Minho had noticed that he had gotten up, maybe he had even woken up before that, Jeongin hadn’t exactly been quiet after all. Relief had immediately enveloped Jisung then. Minho had handled Jeongin perfectly the last time he had been like this and Jisung had simply known that the older would know what to do.

“Innie?” Minho had echoed Jisung’s question and when he had also not gotten a reply, he had added: “We’re coming inside now, okay? We need to get you into bed.”

Jeongin had not been able to even just form a single coherent sentence that night. But together Jisung and Minho had washed the youngest to the best of their abilities. They had undressed him until he was only wearing a t shirt and his boxers and had gotten him into bed where he had fallen asleep almost instantly. Jisung had already been back under his own covers when Minho had positioned the Maknae so that he came to lay on his side and placed a bucket next to his head.

When the older had crawled back into bed as well, the look in his eyes had been an exact mirror of Jisung’s own worry and heartbreak.

Jisung was ripped out of his thoughts when someone put a hand on his shoulder. He winced inadvertently and the hand was immediately withdrawn. So, not Minho. Jisung lifted his gaze and was more than surprised to find none other than Changbin looking at him.

“Sorry,” the rapper mumbled and looked down at his hands. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I… I thought you had seen me I…” He bit his lips. “I need to go to the restroom.” Jisung frowned, suddenly incredibly confused. He tried to find answers in Changbin’s face, but the rapper still wasn’t looking at him. His jaw was set, and his gaze had hardened yet he was nervously shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “I just… I don’t know where it is. Can you maybe show me?”

Jisung almost laughed out loud at that. It was the most ridiculous excuse he had maybe ever heard from anyone. Changbin seemed to read his thoughts because he winced. “Please,” he added, in a voice that was barely more than a whisper and that made Jisung’s heart clench.

“Fine,” the younger mumbled and hesitantly got up. He once again really wished that Minho was there, even if just to remind Changbin not to mess with him. But oh well, he was going to have to deal with his own issues then.

Before they walked out of the door, Jisung caught Hyunjin giving him a questioning look. He swallowed thickly but just shrugged. “Wants to talk I think” he mouthed towards the Omega. And when Hyunjin raised a brow but turned away, Jisung followed Changbin into the mess of the music show corridors.

Changbin did actually drag Jisung into a bathroom, though he had clearly known where it was located. It was one of the ones that just had one stall and that you could lock in its entirety which Changbin promptly did as soon as the door fell shut behind them.

The enclosed space immediately caused Jisung to get nervous and he inadvertently distanced himself from the other Alpha. He was relieved to find that Changbin didn’t follow. It wasn’t necessarily that he was scared of his bandmate. However, the last time they had talked with just the two of them, Jisung had punched Changbin in the face so…

Luckily, it didn’t seem that the older was seeking revenge. He… Honestly? He just looked absolutely terrible. His cheeks had hollowed, his eyes looked sunken, and his lips were practically the same colour as his face. His whole appearance caused Jisung to have to swallow. There was something so endlessly heartbreaking about seeing someone who had always seemed like the epitome of strength and optimism to him, looking so, so down.

After a while of nothing but silence between them, the older Alpha raised his head. “Do… do you hate me?” he asked quietly, hesitantly, as though he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know the answer.

Jisung responded immediately. “No,” he said. Because it was true. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure whether he could ever hate Changbin. He still remembered too many of the good times, when they had spent nights upon nights in the studio working towards a dream that they shared, when they had gotten the cheapest food from the convenience store and had laughed at Changbin’s terrible JYP impressions… Changbin had been one of the first people that Jisung had almost considered a friend and there had always been so much about him that Jisung had admired, his hard work, his skill, his kindness and generosity even towards strangers… No, even after all that he had done, what Jisung felt towards his bandmate was far from hate.

Changbin just nodded. He hesitated again, swallowed and then, eventually, he whispered: “Do… “Do you think Hyunjin hates me?”

This, Jisung didn’t know how to respond to. The truth was that he didn’t know, that he couldn’t be sure. Because while Hyunjin definitely had cause to hate Changbin, Jisung didn’t know whether he actually did. Deep down, he almost believed that he didn’t, that there was still too much love there. But there was no way to be sure.

He bit his lip. “Maybe”, he settled on eventually. He knew that it wasn’t what Changbin had wanted to hear. Still, the rapper kept his composure. He just nodded again. “He likes Jeongin more.” It killed Jisung to hear the pain in his voice, to hear how broken he sounded.

“He is trying to take care of him,” Jisung mumbled, as if that would help at all.

Changbin lowered his eyes. “I know,” he quietly replied. He swallowed and Jisung almost wanted to walk across the bathroom to hug him. But then, the other Alpha surprised him. “I want to take care of him too,” he admitted in the smallest voice. “He just presented, and he is clearly struggling and I… I’m making life harder for him and for Hyunjin. I…” He stopped and shook his head. “Fuck, I feel so useless.”

His words broke Jisung’s heart all over again. He had never even paused to consider that Changbin might feel that way, that he could be hurting not only because he had lost his relationship with Hyunjin but because of how things were between him and their Maknae as well. Sure, Changbin and Jeongin had never been the closest of friends. But they had gotten along well.

 Jisung thought back to their trainee days, to the way Changbin had always seemed to want to be funny in front of the younger, to the way he had constantly been joking around with him and seemed to practically soak up his reactions whenever he got as much as a smile.

They wordlessly left the bathroom and while they were walking to the dressing room again, Jisung thought back to an instance years ago that had been proof of Jeongin’s unique capacity to brighten up Changbin’s mood.

That day at dance practice, Changbin had been as pissed as Jisung had ever seen him. A muscle strain had forced him to take a break from working out and to offset that, someone from the company had put him on a diet. And as if that hadn’t been enough, he had managed to oversleep that morning and had in his half-awake state managed to accidentally delete a beat that he had worked on all night.

Everyone had kept out of his way, not even Hyunjin had dared to talk to him. And then Jeongin had walked in, still blissfully blind to the pheromones around him and unable to pick up on Changbin’s bad mood the way the others could. He had just given the rapper a big grin and had happily told him that his math’s test had gone well. And his enthusiasm had managed to get the first smile out of Changbin that whole day.

They rounded a corner and Jisung thought back to what he had overheard that night when Jeongin had first come home drunk, and Minho had taken care of him. “Changbin-Hyung hates me.” It made Jisung sick to think of how unhappy all three of his bandmates clearly were with the situation and yet how there didn’t seem to be any fucking way to solve it. Changbin was in love with Hyunjin. Jeongin was probably in love with Hyunjin. And Hyunjin… well…

Jisung was so lost in his own thoughts that he barely even registered it when Changbin opened the door in front of him. However, his eyes widened as soon as he was hit in the face with a wave of scents and pheromones. He cursed and immediately pushed past Changbin. He knew that scent. He knew the asshole that carried it. And this time, there was no way he was going to just stand back and let him hurt Hyunjin!

However, he abruptly halted in his movements when he saw the scene in front of him. He had been right. That asshole that had said all of those horrible things to Hyunjin at that music show all of those months ago was right there in the middle of their dressing room. However, this time, he wasn’t abusing the Omega. Although that might not be by choice.

Because instead, the asshole-Alpha currently found himself with a downright feral looking Jeongin, who had to be about half his size, right in his face. Jisung’s heart stopped. Minho and Chan still weren’t there. The staff around them pretended that nothing was happening. And their Maknae had nothing, but wild fury written all over his strung-out features. Jisung swallowed thickly. There was no way this wasn’t going to get very, very ugly.

Chapter Text

Slight trigger warning:

There is a short scene in here in which Jisung is uncomfortable during sex and doesn't say anything. Minho puts a stop to it, but I still wanted to warn you in case it is triggering for you. I put "-" around it so that you can skip it if you want to. Please take care of yourself 🖤

“Fuck off, you dirty bastard!”

It was heartbreakingly pathetic, how their Maknae was right in the bigger Alpha’s face and yet the asshole just smirked at the display of aggression. It was so obvious that Jeongin was in over his head by a long shot. He was so much smaller than the asshole, so much skinnier, so much weaker… Hell, even the insult that he had used… “dirty bastard”, it was almost cute. The whole scene made Jisung sick to his stomach. Minho and Chan hadn’t come back yet, which meant that they couldn’t lean on who would usually protect the team. Jisung, Seungmin, Changbin Jeongin, Felix and Hyunjin still outnumbered the asshole, but everyone seemed to be completely frozen as they watched their Maknae face off against a clearly superior opponent.

“How dare you talk to me like that?” The older Alpha now asked – in a voice that was so quiet and yet so threating that it had Jisung shiver. The asshole showed absolutely no signs of intimidation at all. “Do you really think you could do anything against me?” He huffed out a humourless laugh. “You’re just a pup.” The last word, he positively spat in Jeongin’s face, making it sound harsher than any insult in the world.  “The fact that you got your knot squeezed by the biggest slut in town doesn’t mean that you’re invincible.”

Jisung’s eyes widened. Shit. He had never asked Hyunjin about whether he had slept with their Maknae. Though… if he was truly honest with himself, the reason for that had been that he hadn’t wanted to hear the Omega say the truth. Jisung would have never judged either one for their choices… but the reality of it was simply that it made the mess they were in even more impossible to disentangle. And while it was part of the truth that it had been obvious enough what had been going on between Jeongin and Hyunjin without anyone ever saying it out loud… hearing it from someone else was still an earthquake that shook all of them to their core.

Next to Jisung, Changbin let out a low growl. Hyunjin whimpered where he was curled in on himself across the room. And Jeongin was suddenly as white as a wall. There was so much just in that one sentence… enough to destroy Stray Kids as Jisung knew them.

Jeongin let out a quiet, pathetic whimper and Jisung winced. Their Maknae looked utterly defeated. And how could he not? The pain around all of them was so palpable that it felt suffocating. It was as if the asshole’s words had unleashed some kind of poisonous fume that was now slowly creeping through the room, ready to take them out one after the other in the most torturous way.

The thought was so painful that it had Jisung shaking while it turned the blood in his veins to ice. None of this was fair to any of them and he wished that he could help. He wished that he could run up to that asshole and kick his fucking teeth in. He wished that… However, before he could do as much as form another coherent thought, Changbin suddenly darted forwards and threw the asshole back against the wall with such force that he didn’t move for a few heartbeats.

“How dare you fucking talk like that?” Changbin hissed and punched the Alpha clean across the jaw before ramming a knee into his stomach. “What?” he sneered when the guy toppled over in pain. “Did you think you could just walk in here and insult my members without consequences? What fucking world do you live in?” He took a fist full of his hair and yanked the Alpha’s head up until he was forced to look at him. “Leave.” Jisung had never heard his friend sound quite this dangerous. “Or I’ll make sure your pretty face will never earn you a single penny again.”

For a moment, Jisung thought that the asshole would argue, that he would really be stupid enough to fight back. But then his shoulders slumped, and he seemed to positively collapse in on himself. He drew his shoulders up, made himself smaller. He let out a submissive whimper and even rolled his head to the side to expose his neck. When he limped out of their dressing room, the asshole looked completely broken. And Jisung did not have a speck of sympathy to spare for him.

As soon as the door fell shut, Jisung let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding. He was so glad that he and Changbin had made it in time, that the rapper had been there to protect Hyunjin and their Maknae. He didn’t even want to think about what might have happened, had Changbin not been there to jump between them.

However, not everyone seemed to share that sentiment.

“I could have made him leave myself!” Jeongin shouted at Changbin as soon as the asshole was out of sight. “Why did you have to jump in and pretend as if I was some fucking damsel in distress?”

Jisung couldn’t believe what Jeongin was saying. It hit him like a ton of bricks that their Maknae sounded like Jisung himself had when he had still been a teenager. And that was why Jisung also knew exactly what had elicited this response, that it was all of Jeongin’s insecurity about not being strong enough or Alpha enough seemingly being proven true. He prayed that Changbin wouldn’t fight back – he knew from experience that there was nothing to win here.

Luckily, Changbin seemed to have guessed as much. He huffed but didn’t reply. Instead, he turned around to Hyunjin. “What the fuck just happened?” he asked, still slightly out of breath. “Who was that and how did he get in here?”

Jisung hated how accusatory his tone had gotten again. Even if it was clearly born of fear and worry, he knew that it would cause Hyunjin to get defensive. And he was right, Hyunjin was already rolling his eyes and saying: “I don’t need your help.” Despite how terribly he was shaking, despite all of the tears that were spilling down his cheeks, despite the fact that, for the first time ever, Jisung could truly see all of the hurt and pain, that Hyunjin was usually hiding behind that perfect façade, written all over the Omega’s features. “I could have dealt with him myself. You don’t always have to jump in and try to rescue me.”

By now, Changbin looked genuinely confused. “Why is everyone talking about how they could have handled it on their own?” he asked, sounding downright exasperated. “Clearly, that asshole was a little bitch. I mean… you saw how quickly he folded. Of course, Jeongin could have made him leave.” He turned to Hyunjin. “And I’m sure you could have handled it too.” He shook his head. “But you are not fucking supposed to have to!”

With those words, Changbin turned to glare at the staff around them. “We’re idols not fucking street fighters. We employ security. I’ll ask this one more time: How the fuck did he get in here?”

Most of their staff scurried away at Changbin’s words. They were trying their best to make themselves seem busy, looking guilty, embarrassed even. However, one of their security guards just scoffed. “You don’t employ us,” he said. “JYPE does. And that man wasn’t just anyone. He’s a well-respected rapper and he used to be his Alpha.” He nodded dismissively in Hyunjin’s direction. “Of course I’ll let him go check on his bitch.”

Jisung couldn’t believe that the man had really just said that. What the actual fuck? Untameable anger rolled through him in overwhelming waves. However, before he could tear the man’s head off, the idiot continued: “Don’t pretend like you don’t profit from us turning a blind eye to Alpha’s wanting to get their knot wet before a performance.” He laughed and the sound made Jisung want to tear his fucking throat out. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t just take that little freak to the bathrooms.”

He nodded in Jisung’s direction and oh. Oh fuck no. Jisung couldn’t believe that there had ever been a time when this comment would have made him run and hide. That just a few years ago, the implication that Changbin had fucked him in the bathrooms, the fact that the guy had just called him a ‘freak’, would have had him burst into tears. Now, the only thing he felt was hot, white and uncontrollable anger. And the only thought in his head was that this guy was lucky that Minho wasn’t there to break all of his limbs for talking about him in that way. He might still do it, when Jisung told him about it later… well, if Changbin didn’t murder the idiot first.

Their rapper now let out a humourless laugh. It was so mocking and cold that it had Jisung shiver where he stood. “You know that you could have just said that you want to be unemployed, right? You could have just handed in your two-weeks-notice the way other people do.” Changbin’s voice packed so much venom that Jisung wasn’t sure how the guy was even still standing. “No one forced you to make yourself look like the most idiotic fucking person alive.”

The security guard scoffed but Jisung could tell that Changbin was getting to him. “You’re just jealous because he got to fuck your bitch before you could get there,” the man now said and once again, Jisung barely resisted the urge to slap him across the face. How Changbin was still so calm was beyond him.

“I have no idea what fucking world you live in…” the rapper just said in a quiet but not less dangerous tone. He sounded as if he was almost sorry for the man. It was vicious. It was so much worse than if he had just screamed at him. “This has nothing to do with anyone’s relationship history. This shit is about safety. And not just Hyunjin’s safety, Jeongin’s too. And Felix’s and Seungmin’s and anyone’s who was in here.” He cocked his head to the side. “You are being paid to protect this group… or well, you were.” He huffed. “This will get so fucking ugly for you, I promise. I’ll press charges myself if I have to.”

By now the man had gotten quiet. He was as white as the wall behind him and Jisung could even see him shaking. It served him right. Jisung couldn’t fathom that this guy had thought that he would be able to get away with any of this. He supposed that maybe, in some other groups, people weren’t willing to risk everything for each other. But other groups didn’t have Seo Changbin. Jisung still remembered how Changbin had fearlessly stood up for people even back when he had still been a trainee… and he also remembered what the rapper had said about Jeongin in the bathroom: “I want to take care of him too. I feel so useless.” No matter what happened between them, Changbin was always going to protect his members against others.

Jisung looked up and saw how the rapper just pressed even closer to the security guard, entirely unrelenting in his cruelty. “Also, don’t you dare to ever refer to any Omega as a bitch again,” he said, so quietly that it was almost a whisper. “Hyunjin’s second gender has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. It doesn’t justify shit. And it certainly doesn’t give you permission to talk about him in that way.” He reached up and simply pinched the guy’s neck. Not enough to truly hurt, but certainly enough to remind him just how at his mercy he was. “And don’t you dare call Jisung or anyone else a freak ever again.” He scoffed. “I’ll personally castrate you if I ever get wind of anything.” He yanked the guy’s head to the side and leaned in, far too close for comfort while the helpless man couldn’t do anything but whimper. “And now leave before I call the fucking cops on you. Because I will, don’t try me.”

***

Hyunjin was curled up against Jisung’s chest and Felix was clinging to the dancer’s back as if he was his last lifeline. The three of them were on Hyunjin’s bed again. All of them were crying.

Minho and Chan had finally returned to their dressing room, only about a minute after the security guard had thrown the door shut behind him. And the shock at the scene they had been greeted with had immediately been obvious on their faces. Hyunjin had still been sobbing, with Felix quietly crying next to him as well. Jisung had still been shaking next to Changbin and Jeongin who had been positively fuming. And Seungmin had still been sitting in a corner looking absolutely paralysed.

 “What the hell happened here?” Chan had asked and he had looked to both Jeongin and Changbin with anger clear on his face. It had struck Jisung that it must have looked as if the two had been fighting. He had wanted to explain the situation, to tell their leader what really happened, but Changbin had been faster. He had started rattling off the events of the past few minutes in a speed that only a main rapper could achieve, while Minho had slowly made his way over to Jisung.

“Hey,” he had quietly said and had wrapped an arm around his waist, allowing Jisung to collapse against him. As soon as he had felt Minho next to him, Jisung’s legs had given out and he had allowed himself to fall, knowing that the Alpha would be there to catch him.  Jisung would never not be grateful for the way Minho always held him up. It was such a luxury to be able to let himself be weak, even for just a moment. Without being afraid of being judged, simply allowing Minho to pull him even closer. “Oh Baby…” the older had breathed. “Are you okay?”

Jisung had forced himself to nod. In that moment, he had really not wanted the older Alpha to be more than a few feet away from him. He had wanted to tell him what had happened and had wanted to simply be held for a little.  But he had also known that he wasn’t the priority in that moment, that he couldn’t be.

“I’m fine,” he had breathed. And when Minho hadn’t looked convinced, he had sighed and tried again. “I’m fine… Hyunjin…” His voice had broken after just the one word. But Minho had understood.

“Yeah…” he had said and had nodded. Then, he had stood up a little straighter and had gently begun leading Jisung towards where both of the Omegas were crying. It had made Jisung reflect on just how much of a safe space the three of them had gotten for each other, when both Felix and Hyunjin immediately curled up in his arms as soon as he was next to them. They hadn’t said anything for a while, because what was there to say? In that moment, all that was important was that they had each other, that they would always be there for each other.

Eventually, Chan had cautiously walked up to them. “Should…” he had begun before pausing to swallow. “I will cancel the performance, yeah?” Jisung had wanted to kick his teeth in. Because why would he even have to ask? What kind of dumb ass question was that? Obviously, none of them had been in any state to fucking perform on national television. However, next to him, Hyunjin had shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t,” he had breathed. “He would want that. We… I…” He had swallowed thickly. “He can’t win.”

And so, they had performed. They had actually managed to pull themselves together and deliver. They had sung and danced and rapped and Stay had showered them in applause. When they had walked off stage, all of them had smiled and waved… and then as soon as they had been out of sight, half of them had started crying again.

By now, they were back in their dorms. Jeongin had fled to his and Jisung’s room. Changbin had started eating everything he could find. And Minho and Chan had - very inconspicuously - taken up position in front of Hyunjin’s room, where Jisung’s head was pounding while Hyunjin was sobbing, and Felix was whimpering. It was such a fucking mess. And Jisung so desperately wished that he could somehow make it all stop. But he was helpless. So utterly and pathetically helpless.

“The security guy was right,” Hyunjin whispered eventually. “We… we used to be together.” It took Jisung a second to realise that he was talking about the asshole. His heart sank. He wasn’t sure whether he was ready for this story. But Hyunjin just let out a shaky sigh and continued: “He was my first ever boyfriend.” In that moment, he sounded so broken that it made Jisung want to cry again.  “We were both trainees under the same label at the time… You know, the one I trained at before I joined JYPE.” He winced and Jisung so desperately wanted to take all of his pain away. He wished that he could take it on as his own. He wished that he could at least ease it just ever so slightly.

“He was a little bit older, had been a trainee for longer and back then…” The Omega shivered. “Back then I genuinely thought he was the coolest person in the world.” When he let out another sob, Jisung pulled him impossibly closer to his chest. “I… I was so proud that he had chosen me out of all of the Omegas to have a relationship with. I… I was so desperate to please him back then.” He shook his head. “God, I am so embarrassed about that.”

Felix cuddled closer. “Hey…” he soothed. “It’s okay. You were young. Of course you wanted that.”

Hyunjin shook his head. “He never liked that I wanted to be an idol too. Even worse: a rapper. He always told me that the Omega’s true place was in the kitchen, taking care of the house, raising his kids… And God, we… we didn’t even really fight about it. I didn’t even challenge him on that.” He swallowed thickly. “Whenever he brought it up, I would just role my eyes and he’d say that he’d fix me eventually.”

Felix made a choked sound and Jisung felt his heart clench. This was already fucking bad… but for some reason he instinctually knew that the story was only going to get worse.  “It started out pretty harmless. He would say that it wasn’t becoming for me to hang out with other Alphas. So… what did dumbass Hyunjin do?” The Omega sobbed again. “I stopped hanging out with my friends. Then, he said that that didn’t exclude my Alpha teachers in training, so I started skipping lessons… God, I was so fucking dumb back then. I wanted so desperately to be liked by him.” Felix looked as if he was going to interrupt Hyunjin again, but the Omega held up his hand in a way that told him not to and so he kept quiet.

“And then, one day, I overheard someone in the hallway. They were praising my rap. They were saying that I had made great progress. I… I wasn’t used to getting compliments for anything beyond my looks, so I was incredibly happy. I just stood there in the hallway and soaked it all up…” He shivered. “At first, I couldn’t tell who the person was talking to. It didn’t really matter to me in that moment. I was just happy about the praise…” He swallowed. “But then I heard… well, him. He told this other person that it was ‘cute’ that I was trying to be a rapper but that I was going to have to abandon my dreams soon enough anyways, when he’d ‘put his pups in me’. I…” He was interrupted by his own choked sobbing.

Jisung wanted to howl. He hated that someone had treated his friend that way. He hated it so, so much. “I don’t know wh-why…” Hyunjin continued. “I don’t really know why it was that moment that finally did it for me. But… But I just got so angry. I marched over to them and began shouting at him. I let all of my frustration out and I screamed, and I screamed, and I screamed. And do you know what he did? He laughed.” Hyunjin broke down into desperate tears again. “I have never felt as powerless as I felt in that moment.” He shook his head and Jisung wished he could go back to their dressing room and join Changbin in hurting the Alpha. He was so heartbroken for Hyunjin and so, so angry.

“He told me that I was pretty, and that he had thought I’d make a nice mate… But that clearly, he had been wrong. He said that it was obvious that I wasn’t good enough for that. He…” Hyunjin shivered again. “He had always shamed me for being too sexual, even though he had taken my virginity and even though he kept telling me that I was to serve him and his needs and I… He just said that I was probably beautiful enough to become the pack whore somewhere and that if I was lucky, some boy group was going to want to have me as their communal bitch.” Hyunjin grimaced. “He then got me kicked out of the company.”

He stopped. And for a few moments no one said anything. Because what was there to say? How could you say anything after a story like that? Jisung wanted to tell Hyunjin that he was loved. That he deserved to be treated so, so much better. That no one would ever get to talk to him in that way ever again because Jisung would personally kill them if they did. He wanted to say so much… But nothing he could think of didn’t sound extremely shallow and dumb. So he just held onto the Omega and sobbed into his hair.

In the end it was Felix who broke the silence. “Wow,” he made, in an extremely unimpressed tone. “What a fucking loser.” His words were so unexpected that they made both Jisung and Hyunjin laugh despite the tears that were still streaming down each of their faces.

“I’m serious!” Felix insisted. “Like, he was clearly extremely insecure. With how shit he is even now, it isn’t exactly hard for me to believe that you were probably a better rapper than him even back then. And since he couldn’t be better than you, he gave his best to make you worse. He needed to put you down to feel good about himself.” He rolled his eyes. “And that, in my books, is a fucking loser.”

His words reminded Jisung of something that Chan had told him… years ago. “They just feel threatened by you. You’re really, really talented. More so than the bunch of them put together. They know they don’t stand a chance next to you, so they bully you in hopes of you just making it easy for them and giving up.” He hated that both Hyunjin and him had given people like that so much power over their lives.

“He ruined so much for me,” Hyunjin mumbled and echoed Jisung’s thoughts. “I… He did care about me, I think,” he whispered. “And it still turned out so ugly. It’s… it’s terrifying. I… I swore to myself that I would never let anyone take control over my life like that ever again. That’s… It’s why I push everyone away when they get close. I… He broke me.”

Felix huffed. “I’m sorry to tell you this, Jinnie,” he said. “But that guy never cared about you. When you care about someone, you don’t try to sabotage their dreams. When you care about someone, you don’t make them stop hanging out with their friends. When you care about someone, you don’t shame them for being too sexual or not sexual enough… you don’t shame them at all. And when you care about someone, you don’t take control of their fucking lives, what the fuck?” He snorted. “And you’re not broken, Honey. You’re just scared… and with everything that you have just told us… it’s no fucking wonder that you are.” He smiled weakly. “But that’s the beautiful thing about fear, it’s possible to overcome. You have all the power here.”

In that moment, there was a knock on their door. Jisung winced inadvertently but when it was Jeongin who hesitantly looked inside, he almost had to smile. Today had been hard on all of them but for Jeongin and Hyunjin it had been especially tough. He was glad that their Maknae wasn’t just locking himself in his room, that he wasn’t pulling away from them entirely, that he at least seemed to look to Hyunjin for comfort.

“Oh,” Jeongin made as soon as he spotted them. Jisung almost cooed when he looked at them with big eyes and flushed cheeks. “Sorry, I uh… I didn’t realize, I’ll… I’ll leave.”

Hyunjin sighed but he got up and walked to their Maknae. Somehow, it was strange to watch. Sure, he had seen Hyunjin and Jeongin together since… their relationship had changed, but never in such an intimate moment. He hadn’t seen them interact in the same way Felix interacted with Chan… or Jisung himself interacted with Minho.

They looked admittedly sweet. Hyunjin let himself be gently embraced by the younger and both of them nuzzled into the other’s neck in search of their scent. But… well… Jisung swallowed. He wondered what it was that felt so strange about seeing them together. Was it that he had gotten so used to Hyunjin with Changbin? Was it that part of him still saw Jeongin as a pup, even if he had been of age for long enough by now? He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t place the feeling exactly. Something about seeing Hyunjin with the youngest just didn’t feel right to him… and he felt incredibly guilty because of it.

“I’ll be with you in a minute, yeah?” Hyunjin eventually whispered to Jeongin and placed a chaste kiss on the younger’s lips. When the Maknae had left, he climbed back into bed and once again, no one said anything for a while. It left Jisung wondering whether Felix had the same bizarre feeling of wrongness when he watched Hyunjin with their youngest. Maybe. because once again, it was Felix who broke their silence. “You’re going to have your heat soon as well, right?” he asked.

Hyunjin blushed immediately. “Yeah,” he breathed and Jisung felt himself tense. There was no way that that wasn’t going to mean considerable chaos for the rest of them. Not that he could or wanted to blame Hyunjin for that, but still… Felix nodded. “You’ll…” he began hesitantly. “You’ll spend it alone, right?”

There was a pause. One that was too long for Jisung’s liking. However, eventually, Hyunjin sighed. “Yeah.”

“You don’t like spending it alone, do you?” Felix asked sympathetically and suddenly, Jisung felt extremely uncomfortable with the conversation. Not just because he didn’t have heats and couldn’t relate to Hyunjin in the same way Felix could… but also… more so because he really needed to have his own cycle as well. He knew it. He knew that it was only a matter of time until his body would start to break down.

However, Jisung couldn’t bear to even just think about it. As soon as the thought of his rut crossed his mind, panic began to rear its ugly head somewhere deep inside of his chest. His heart started racing, his breathing quickened, and he started to shake… Luckily, neither of the Omegas seemed to notice.

“No,” Hyunjin admitted quietly. “I hate it.” He sighed again. “But I can’t ask Jeongin. It… It doesn’t feel right.”

Felix frowned. “Why not?” He shrugged. “You have already slept together, haven’t you? It’s not like it’s that different.” From Jisung’s experience that was probably as far from the truth as you could get, but oh well. He wasn’t about to call Felix out for that. He was still shaking, and he probably wouldn’t have even gotten his voice to work.

Meanwhile Hyunjin nodded slowly. He almost looked ashamed of himself at the admission and it broke Jisung’s heart. However, before he could even try to say anything, Hyunjin had already started talking again. “In the past – well, since… you know who at least – I’ve only ever enlisted the help of random Alphas during my heats,” he mumbled. “Always strictly no strings attached. It… it feels… scary to ask him with… with everything that we have going on outside of… you know… sex. Oh God, I am so bad at talking about this.”

Jisung hugged him tightly and he expected the other Omega to join in as well. However, when he looked up, he found Felix looking at them instead, pensively, with his head tilted to the side. “That’s not all, is it?” he quietly asked and Jisung felt Hyunjin flinch in his arms. He didn’t reply. So Felix pried a little more. “Is it because of… well, because of Changbin?”

This time, Hyunjin nodded timidly. “I… I feel so bad for him… about… about everything,” he whispered. “He… I feel like I overreacted terribly. I… He’s a good guy, isn’t he?” Jisung despised how much pain had returned to his friend’s voice. Why did all of this have to be so damn complicated?

“He is,” Felix quietly replied. “But that doesn’t mean that he didn’t make mistakes.”

“He apologized over and over again,” Hyunjin argued. “And he bettered himself. At…” His voice broke and he had to take a moment to collect himself. “At the music show today… he…” But Hyunjin never finished his sentence. He just shook his head.

“You still like him too, don’t you?” Felix asked gently.

Hyunjin looked up through tear-filled eyes. “Of course I do.”

***

Strangely, they all kind of fell back into their old routine. Even after what had happened at the music show. Changbin was still at the gym or at the studio a lot. Jeongin and Hyunjin were still together most of the time… and when they weren’t, Jeongin still went out with his friends. Seungmin still kept to himself. Chan and Felix were more on top of each other than ever with Felix’s heat coming up soon and Minho and Jisung… well…

Jisung found himself trembling as he knocked on a hotel room door. They were in another country once again. In a strange hotel, with tight schedules but with more privacy than the dorms ever afforded them. And he had a mission. However, he was also absolutely terrified.

“Uh… yeah, wait uh… just one moment.”, a mildly alarmed voice came from the other side of the door, causing Jisung to panic immediately. “It’s fine.”, he hurried to assure. “I can come back.” 

But Felix had already opened the door. “Don’t be silly.”, he said and wrapped the white hotel bathrobe tighter around his body. Jisung was pretty sure that it was the only thing he was wearing. From the scent that came streaming out of the room, he was also pretty sure that he had just cockblocked their leader. God, he was fucking mortified. Especially considering the reason behind his visit to Felix’s room. The Omega didn’t seem to mind though. He still just looked at Jisung expectantly with a bright and genuine smile on his face. “How can I help you? What do you need?”

Jisung swallowed. He knew that he was blushing a nasty shade of red. A few weeks had passed since Japan, since his first kiss with Minho and during that time, he and the other Alpha had slowly started exploring their relationship even more than before. Somehow, the kiss and maybe also the subsequent date in Tokyo had made it all seem so much more... official. On the surface, it didn’t really seem as if much had changed... Jisung was still wearing Minho’s hoodies a lot and they were still cuddled up on each other’s beds most nights, they still went on their little dates… The only thing that had really been a new development was the kissing. And Jisung loved the kissing. So, objectively, it couldn’t have been more perfect.

But Jisung knew better. He knew that he was still struggling with himself, and he knew that he was probably dragging Minho down with him. It made him feel like such a fucking loser. Even though the members and especially Minho were never anything but absolutely supportive. Even though he was never ever made to feel bad about what he did or how he felt by anyone within their group. Even though he was never pressured to do anything. He was still struggling.

Because even though they had yet to do anything beyond kissing and some light touching above the waistline, Jisung knew how he would want, well… sex to go. And despite the talk he had had with Minho when Jeongin had started his presentation, despite Minho telling him that that didn’t make him more or less of an Alpha or more or less gay - he still couldn’t help but hate himself for it. Which was how he had ended up in Felix’s hotel room of all places.

“It’s uh… It’s fine.”, he now stammered. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I… I just wanted to ask you something… But uh…”, he inadvertently looked behind Felix. And of course, the Omega noticed.

“Don’t worry about it.”, he said cheerfully. “Channie wanted to check out the hotel gym and pool anyways, didn’t you?”

Jisung very much doubted that Chan wanted to check out anything but what was underneath Felix’s robe at 11 pm. But their leader got up and threw on a shirt anyways. “Sure.”, he mumbled, when he walked towards the door and Felix gave him a quick kiss as a reward before he left.

“So…”, the blonde began happily. “What did you want to ask me?”

Jisung swallowed. He had anticipated some awkwardness but wow, this was really a lot. “I…”, he began hesitatingly. “I just…” He sighed. “So I am with Minho, right?” God, he felt so stupid. Why had he said that? It wasn’t like it was news to anyone in their group. Ugh. How could one person be so goddamn awkward?

Still, the Omega just beamed at him. “And you two are so sweet. It’s going good, right?” He frowned. “Isn’t it?”

His concern almost made Jisung laugh. “No, it is, it is.”, he assured. “It’s going really well actually.” He blushed. “Which is why I wanted to talk to you about uh… sex.” He cringed at his own words and saw how Felix’s eyes widened in surprise. “Specifically, uh… bottoming.” God, how could this possibly be any more awkward? “Not the uh… the mechanics of it.” Okay, he just needed to jump out of a window. There was no coming back from this. “More the… uh… the psychological aspects?”

He sighed. “Look, I want to bottom for Hyung.” The words tasted like acid in his mouth. “But I am so fucking scared of how it’s going to make me feel. I… I don’t want to feel inferior to him or… or anyone in the group. And I just… uh… I’m an Alpha. I shouldn’t want to bottom, I…”

“Bottoming doesn’t necessarily mean submitting.”, Felix reasoned and Jisung wanted to hug him for taking the weird conversation in stride. Still, he could feel the familiar self-hatred eating at him again when he said: “I know…. But… I… I want to submit.”

“And that makes you feel like you are somehow inferior to others that don’t?”, Felix clarified and Jisung nodded. His cheeks were burning. “But don’t you already do that, when you do other stuff?” the Australian now asked. “Isn’t Hyung usually the one that takes charge? Are you uncomfortable when he does that? You should definitely tell him in that case.”

Jisung shook his head. “I… I’m not…” he swallowed. “I… I am fine with that.” The ‘I like it’ was left unsaid… even if Jisung was pretty sure that Felix knew. “It’s just that having a dick up your ass feels so much worse? I’m an Alpha. I’m not meant for that. I shouldn’t want… What if he…” He flinched. “What if he knots?”

“Sungie…”, Felix said gently, now looking downright worried. “If you don’t want that or don’t feel ready for it…”

But Jisung interrupted him. “No. No. I… I do.” He sighed. “It’s just… It kind of feels like the ultimate submission, you know?”

“Again…”, Felix said. “Submitting doesn’t have anything to do with bottoming. Submitting also doesn’t have anything to do with secondary gender. And what you do in the bedroom does not dictate who you are outside of it.” He sighed. “You know, it’s often managers or CEOs that like submitting in the bedroom because to them it’s like a break. It doesn’t make them any less powerful in their jobs.” He smiled at Jisung. “Chan actually likes to submit a lot of the time.”

That had Jisung sit up. “Wait really?”

Felix hummed. “I still bottom but he submits to me.” He grinned. “Or maybe I’m just bullshitting. Which… leads us to our second point. And that is that unless you come and tell me every detail… which for the record I wouldn’t be opposed to.” He wiggled his brows. “Unless you do that. I and the others have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Honestly, I’d guess that most members already assume that you have taken that step. And their behaviour towards you two hasn’t changed, has it? You still feel respected by everyone?”

Jisung nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.” He let out an exhausted breath. “I don’t know why I get so in my head about these things.”

Felix came over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay.”, he said quietly. “I understand. Trust me I do. It’s always hard when you are different than what society tells you that you should be.” He squeezed him lightly. “Whether it’s that you are a male Omega, or an Alpha that likes Alphas… None of that is bad. It’s just… different. But it’s still okay to struggle with that.”

“Hyung seems to have no problems with it at all.”, Jisung groaned. “Well, he said that he did – back in the day but now he seems fine. Not that I want him to struggle obviously. But like… It just makes me feel like a fucking cry-baby. It makes me feel like I am so far behind.”

Felix smiled, but it almost looked sad. “Well, he had a two-year head start.” He shook his head. “And he got to explore all of it without quite as many eyes on him. And…” He looked at Jisung. “And I bet he tries to look strong in front of you. I bet he struggles more than you think. Just talk to him. Tell him your fears and ask him about his.” When he smiled at Jisung this time, he didn’t look sad anymore. “You’ll be just fine.”, he said. “Minho Hyung loves you so much. He would never do anything to actually hurt you. But you need to communicate, okay?”

Jisung nodded and added a whispered: “I’ll try. I promise that I’ll try.”

***

When Jisung returned to his and Minho's shared hotel room, he was still shaking a little. But he did feel somewhat reassured. If nothing else, Felix had been right about the fact that Minho was never ever going to do anything to hurt him. And that had to count for something, right?

The older Alpha was lounging on his bed, but he sat up as soon as he spotted Jisung. "Hey..." he said softly. "There you are." He opened his arms in invitation and normally Jisung would have fallen right into them. However, that day, he hesitated. He knew that if he allowed himself to be cuddled by Minho, he might get comfortable, and then he might not go through with his plans after all. And they needed to do this tonight. Because the next day they would already be back in Korea without a room for themselves with not one but two big double beds and... "I uh... I think I need to shower first," he stuttered and stumbled into the bathroom. God, he was so nervous. But he wanted this. He really wanted it.

However, luck didn't seem to be on his side. Because after taking the most thorough shower of his life, Jisung was forced to realise that he hadn't brought a change of clothes with him. Which... okay yeah, maybe didn't have much to do with luck and more to do with his pure idiocy. He had just stumbled into the bathroom without thinking any further and now he had to face the consequences of his actions. Great.

He stared at the white hotel robe on the door, which... might have objectively been perfect for what he was trying to do. But even just the thought of walking out in only the robe and nothing else had Jisung blush furiously. So, no. He knew himself and he needed to be comfortable for this.

In the end, he decided to just put on Minho's hoodie again. It was big on him, big enough to fall down to the middle of his thighs and cover what needed to be covered. Still, he kept pulling on it as he hurried through the room towards his suitcase to rummage for some clean boxers. It wasn't that Minho had never seen him naked. They had lived together for years, and the members had pretty much seen everything of everybody. Although Jisung suspected that the Omegas were more modest around the other Alphas than they were around him which was.... whatever.

Still, there was no denying that this was different. Now that they were officially dating, here, alone in a hotel room... Minho sat up on his bed and Jisung saw how his eyes widened when he realised what Jisung was or rather what he wasn't wearing. But he held back from saying anything and even scooted back again to give Jisung some privacy to put the boxers on. Jisung would never not be grateful for all the patience, space and understanding Minho always afforded him.

When it was time for Jisung to finally stand up, Minho immediately gestured for him to come hither and this time Jisung happily obliged. “Baby…” Minho whispered with his face buried in Jisung’s neck. “Do you even know what you are doing to me?” He started scenting him eagerly and Jisung let out an involuntary whimper at his ministrations. Minho replied with a deep rumble from his chest that had Jisung’s entire body turn into putty. This. This was the moment. “I want you.”, Jisung managed to whisper. “I want you Hyung. All of you...” He swallowed. “Tonight.”

Minho stiffened and for a moment Jisung was convinced that he had done something wrong. But then the other Alpha let out another, even more possessive growl. “Really?”

Jisung nodded quickly. “But I am kind of scared, okay?”, he added pathetically. God, he felt so bad. But he needed them to talk first. He had promised it to Felix. He had promised it to himself. “I… I am scared of how it will make me feel to… you know…”

Minho frowned. “I mean…”, he said cautiously. “We don’t have to go all the way. And…” He hesitated. “And even if you want to… you know… have sex. You don’t have to uh… you know… bottom.”

Jisung barely suppressed a groan. Why did this have to be so awkward? It was sweet of Minho to offer and Jisung knew that it wasn’t just empty words either. But they both knew that that wasn’t what either of them truly wanted. “No, I want to… uh… yeah…”

“Are you scared that it’s going to hurt?”, Minho asked gently and Jisung shook his head. The dancer pulled him closer. “Are you scared that it will make you feel like you are not a uh… I don’t know how to phrase this… a ‘real’ Alpha?”

When Jisung let out a ‘yes’ in such a small voice that he was genuinely impressed that Minho had understood him, the older Alpha frowned again. “Would it help you if you didn’t submit to me at all? You could like…. Uh… You could be on top of me… ride me or whatever. I don’t even have to like, say anything that might make you feel like… you know... Do you want to try like that?”

Jisung nodded again, slowly this time. This was not exactly what he wanted either but… it sounded logical and maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea…

He didn’t like this at all. Sure, Minho kissing him was great and all, and seeing the other Alpha all worked up was definitely doing things to Jisung’s brain but… It just felt weird to not have Minho take the lead. They had always fallen naturally into that pattern and Jisung had always liked it. He knew that he liked getting protected, that he liked being the one to follow, the one who was being taken care of.

_

And yet, here he was, on Minho’s bed, straddling the Alpha’s still clothed lap, with one lubed up hand stuck down his boxers, attempting to stretch himself out. Of course it wasn’t working. He was far from relaxed and Minho, who was clearly terrified of saying something that could be taken as trying to make him submit, had apparently decided to just not say anything at all. It was incredibly awkward and Jisung wished that he could at least gather enough courage to tell Minho to praise him or to give him some semblance of encouragement. But he couldn’t even get himself to do that. He couldn’t get himself to admit that that was what he wanted.

When he had finally managed to stuff two fingers up his ass, Jisung was asking himself whether the other Alphas Minho had hooked up with, had done much better than him. Whether they had turned around and given Minho a show. Whether they had taken initiative and been flirtatious and simply just sexy. The thought made him tense up even more and honestly, at this point, Jisung just wanted this to end.

He took his fingers out from behind him and whispered: “I’m ready.” Even though he knew that was far from the truth. He had seen Minho’s dick. He knew that two barely squeezed in fingers would hardly cut it. But he didn’t care. He’d much rather be in a bit of pain than to do this for a single second longer.

To say that Minho looked apprehensive would have been an understatement. But the older didn’t end up saying anything. And all of it just made Jisung hate himself even more. He despised it so much that Minho clearly knew that he wasn’t sufficiently prepared, that the older knew that he was failing… Hell, when he opened the dancer’s pants he almost felt like crying.

Jisung had imagined this moment so, so many times. He had imagined how he would take Minho out from the confines of his pants, how hard and turned on he would be… how Minho would praise him and tell him exactly what to do… And now that it was finally actually happening, Jisung just felt fucking miserable.

Minho wasn’t even really hard. Not that Jisung could blame him… it wasn’t like he was exactly throbbing in his boxers either. God, this was all such a disaster. There was no elegance in how he pushed his own boxers down and lined Minho up with his hole. And when he sank down… it didn’t all magically finally click into place.

On the contrary, it got worse. The stretch hurt. So much more than Jisung had imagined. He hissed viciously and the pain brought tears to his eyes immediately. And yet, Jisung refused to give up. He tried to at least sink a little further, to at least take the tip. But when the first tear rolled down his cheek, Minho stopped him and pushed himself back into his pants. “Sorry,” he hurried to say. “Sorry Jisung. But I can’t do it like this.”

_

His words caused Jisung to let out a pathetic sob. He felt like such a failure. Not only was he an Alpha who wanted to bottom for another Alpha… he also sucked at it. He had just successfully failed at literally the most basic thing in the universe: Sex. How?!

He let out a frustrated howl and Minho immediately pulled up his boxers and cradled him into his arms. It didn’t make Jisung feel any better. It just served to remind him that he had disappointed the other Alpha… again. That he wasn’t good enough for him. That he was broken beyond repair… Minho interrupted his spiralling thoughts by pressing a careful kiss to Jisung’s temple and it just caused him to break out into desperate sobs once more. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m so sorry that I am such a disappointment.”

Minho shushed him immediately. “No,” he whispered gently. “You are no disappointment. You could never be. And you were trying so hard. I… What can I do to make this better for you?”

And maybe it was the direct question. Or maybe Jisung was just desperate enough. But he finally told the truth. “I need you to take charge.”, he whispered. “I… I want to submit. I want you to tell me what to do and to tell me that I am doing well. And I want you to take care of me. And I… And I… And I am sorry.”

“But what are you sorry for, Baby?” Minho said in the softest tone Jisung had ever heard him use. “I’d love to do that for you.” He swallowed. “And I mean… not just because you asked for it. That… that really sounds amazing on many, many levels.” He blushed. “But I need you to answer some questions before we start, yeah? Can you do that for me?”

Jisung nodded, even though he really wasn’t sure.

“Just so we are clear, you still want me to uh… top you?” Jisung nodded again and when Minho whispered: “Words Baby. Please, I need you to talk to me.” He added a small: “Yes.”

Minho smiled. “Are you okay with me putting my mouth on you?”

Jisung did not need to think about that one for long. “Yeah,” he breathed so quickly that it caused Minho’s smile to widen. He blushed. “And…” God, this was so embarrassing, but Jisung forced himself to keep going. “And can you maybe uh… can you maybe… I mean like before…”

“Do you want me to take care of prepping you?”, Minho helped. Jisung let out a sigh of relief and nodded. “Please.”

“Of course.”, Minho said gently and pressed a loving kiss to his lips. Then, he hummed. “What about dirty talk? Is there anything that you want me to say? Anything that is off limits to you? I have to admit that I don’t really want to degrade you, so that’s kind of off the table for now…”

Jisung wanted to jump out of a window or at least hide underneath the bed. “I… I like it when you praise me,” he mumbled. “And…” He took a deep breath. “Please don’t call me Omega or anything like that.”

Minho kissed him again. “Never,” he said. “You’re my good little Alpha, aren’t you?”

Jisung keened and suddenly he really, really couldn’t wait to get started. “Can we go now?”

Minho smiled. “Just one more thing.”, he said quietly and suddenly he was face to face with Jisung again. And so, so, so close. “If you want me to stop, you tell me. If you are uncomfortable or in any amount of pain, you tell me. If you just need a break, if you need me to back away, if you need me to do anything, you tell me. Promise?”

“Promise,” Jisung breathed back. “And now please start already.”

Minho huffed out a laugh. However, Jisung didn’t get a chance to be embarrassed about his desperation because in the next moment, the Alpha’s lips were on his, and the older was kissing him as if he was starving. Jisung already felt as if he was melting into his touch. He whined and moaned and clung onto Minho unapologetically. This was already so, so much better.

Eventually the older broke the kiss – much to Jisung’s dismay – and leaned back to smile at the pouting rapper. “So impatient,” he said but the look on his face seemed to positively be dripping with endearment. The sight had Jisung shiver inadvertently. He felt unbelievably safe with Minho looking at him like this.

“You are so beautiful,” Minho breathed and let his hand run through Jisung’s hair. He looked absolutely fascinated, with his mouth slightly agape and his pupils blown wide. His gaze was soft, so much softer than the situation would usually have warranted and when Jisung hesitantly nuzzled into his hand, Minho shook his head as if he truly couldn’t believe that he got to touch the younger. It made Jisung feel incredibly precious, unbelievably treasured.

He hummed happily and Minho gave him a loving smile. “Your Alpha will take such good care of you,” he reassured quietly and before Jisung could really even take in what Minho had just said, he added: “Can I take these off for you?” He slipped his fingers into the waistband of Jisung’s boxers and looked at him expectantly.

Jisung hurried to nod. He was ready. He wanted this. He wanted to be as close to Minho as he possibly could be.

The older Alpha was careful while he freed Jisung from his underwear but not in a nervous or hesitating way. No. Minho’s movements spoke of nothing but tenderness, softness and pure and utter appreciation. When Jisung was exposed, completely exposed like this in front of Minho for the very first time, he felt safe. He felt relaxed. He knew that Minho wouldn’t make fun of him.

The dancer carefully moved until he came to kneel between Jisung’s spread thighs and Jisung felt a lot of things. He was impatient, turned on, overwhelmed by how much he liked the older… but he wasn’t afraid. When Minho took charge like this, it was like everything just fell into place for them. It was as if they were puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly and that slotted in perfectly with one another.

Jisung’s breath hitched, when Minho began to litter kisses all over his thighs. It had the younger’s head spin in the best way possible. He was completely naked and exposed, with his hard cock right there in front of Minho, traitorously betraying just how much he liked all of this. And Jisung simply felt worshipped.

And then… then Minho’s mouth was on his cock and Jisung lost the ability to form coherent thoughts completely. The pleasure was all consuming. It was overwhelming. But it was so, so, so good.

Jisung was clawing at the mattress. Minho clearly knew what he was doing because within a matter of moments, he had reduced Jisung to a boneless, breathless puddle of goo. He was writhing and squirming and moaning unabashedly while the older Alpha expertly worked his mouth up and down his cock, giving him so much and yet never enough.

By the time Minho stopped, Jisung was trembling. Part of him wanted Minho to keep going, preferably forever. But another, bigger part of him wanted to finally get the Alpha inside of himself. He had never wanted anything as much in his life as he wanted Minho in that moment. “Please,” he breathed, still shaking helplessly but also absolutely determined. “Please, I’m ready.”

Minho let out a low growl that had every part of Jisung’s body erupting into goosebumps. For a moment, the older just regarded him again, with that same fond but unreadable gaze… then he pushed himself off of the bed. Jisung whined inadvertently at the new distance, but stopped complaining as soon as the older began stripping himself of his clothes. Oh God. Okay. So, they were really starting now.

Jisung swallowed. But all that he felt was desire pulsing through his body in waves. Minho stripped himself quicker than he had undressed Jisung, with much less care and much less tenderness. Still, it transfixed the younger who found himself completely unable to look away.

He wasn’t the only one. The dancer’s heavy gaze never left Jisung for even just a second. He looked at him with dark eyes that looked almost… almost hungry the entire time and if Jisung could surrender himself even more than he already had, he would.

Soon the dancer was naked and Jisung had to swallow thickly once more. The sight was certainly something. Minho’s skin was flushed with exertion and his cock was hard against his abdomen. His lips were glistening with spit and his pupils blown wide. He looked as if he wanted to devour Jisung and Jisung was absolutely ready for it. “Please,” he begged. For a moment, he paused, hesitating, but then he looked up to meet Minho’s eyes and added a whispered: “Please… Alpha.”

The dancer growled once more and immediately closed in on the younger again. Jisung threw his head back without hesitation, happily allowing Minho to nuzzle into the most sensitive part of his neck. Where, during their usual make out sessions, Jisung had often still felt some semblance of shame and discomfort with another Alpha being this close, he now couldn’t get enough. Every cell of his body seemed to scream for Minho and Jisung grasped at the older Alpha’s back, desperately pulling him closer and closer every time.

Minho shushed him gently. “We need to prepare you first, Baby,” he said, in a quiet voice that was far too soft for the situation they were in. Jisung pouted, but Minho was undeterred as he poured so much lube over both the rapper and his own fingers that they were dripping with it. He leaned down to kiss him lovingly and Jisung whimpered when he gently started pressing a single finger against his sensitive hole. He wanted to grind down on it, wanted to finally get Minho inside of himself… but he instinctually knew that the older wanted him to be good, to stay still and let him take charge.

And so Jisung just moaned and whimpered while he let himself be gently stretched apart on Minho’s fingers. The Alpha kept kissing him the entire time, only stopping to whisper praises and compliments against his lips. At one point, Jisung wasn’t sure whether he had maybe died and gone to heaven.

And then, after what felt like half an eternity, Minho finally took Jisung’s legs and hitched them over his shoulders. “Ready?” he asked and Jisung had probably never nodded quite as rapidly in his life. His eagerness made Minho smile. And as he carefully lined himself up, Jisung thought about how he would have never guessed that the way someone slowly eased into him, could ever make him feel this treasured.

The stretch was still there, even after all of the time that Minho had taken to prepare Jisung. But it hurt far, far less. And Minho went excruciatingly slow, kept stroking Jisung’s cock and continually whispered praises to him. Once he bottomed out, Jisung could feel tears prickle in his eyes, though not from pain or frustration this time, but just because he was that emotional. “Oh Baby…”, Minho whispered and leaned down to press a kiss against his lips. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

Jisung lightly hit his chest. “Don’t you dare.”, he muttered. “You’re not pulling out until after you have knotted me, Sir.”

Jisung had intended his words as a joke. And his blood turned to ice in his veins when he watched Minho’s eyes widen. “Shit Sungie.”, he breathed. “You have no idea what you are doing to me…”

It hit Jisung like a ton of bricks, the realisation that he had indirectly asked Minho to knot him. But before he could panic or get embarrassed about what he had said, Minho groaned. “Can… Can I move?” he breathed and when Jisung nodded, he did. At first, he just carefully grinded down into the younger Alpha, forcing him to feel every single inch of himself.

However, when Jisung whimpered and begged for: “More, more… please.” The dancer finally, finally stopped holding back. He began slamming into Jisung again and again, hitting something deep inside of him that had Jisung see stars with every stroke, all while breathing out praises and compliments over and over again.

Jisung couldn’t stop moaning. The sounds were practically punched out of him with every thrust. Especially, when he started to feel Minho’s knot as it began popping in and out of him while gradually growing the entire time.

“Fuck,” the older gritted out when Jisung started to inadvertently clench around him. “I’m gonna come, Sungie. Gonna knot.” Jisung’s eyes widened but he immediately began nodding furiously. He wanted that. He wanted it so, so much.

The stretch increased steadily as Minho grew and grew and grew. Suddenly, it the stretch was painful again. For the first time since Minho had taken over, Jisung felt scared. He wasn’t an Omega. His body wasn’t made for knots. What if it didn’t fit? What if Minho was never going to be able to knot him? The thought had panic course through Jisung’s veins, and he almost started to sob.

“’s not gonna fit,” he whispered, when the stretch got even worse. He felt like a complete and utter disappointment. “I can’t make it fit.”

Minho just shushed him gently again. “It will fit, Baby,” he reassured quietly. “You don’t have to make it fit. Alpha will do it for you.” He reached down between them and began gently squeezed at Jisung ‘s own half formed knot. “And you’re made for me, aren’t you?”, he added gently, prompting Jisung to nod violently again. “So you don’t have to be afraid.” Minho squeezed again and as Jisung came with a muffled cry, Minho groaned and pushed himself even deeper inside of the younger Alpha. Jisung went completely boneless, and Minho was finally, fully locked inside.

They came down from their highs still locked together, with both of them were panting and sweating. However, Minho soon began leaving kisses all over Jisung’s shoulders and neck again. And Jisung didn’t feel pathetic. He didn’t feel used or inferior or bad. He felt loved and cared for and safe. He felt fucking perfect. 

Chapter Text

„Have I told you that you look beautiful tonight?”

Jisung giggled. “Maybe once or twice,” he said and pushed himself closer into Minho’s side. They had decided to take the long way home from what had been yet another incredible dinner date. It was warm and the small park that they were strolling through was crowded even at this time of night. Like this, they were exposed to too many eyes for Jisung to feel comfortable holding hands with the other Alpha, but walking close to him and giggling at his compliments? That, Jisung could do all day.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to tell you again, does it?” Minho now asked and he smirked as he said it. Jisung’s stomach almost immediately erupted into butterflies again. He had been happier over the last few weeks than he had been, maybe ever. Not just because everything seemed to be falling into place with Minho, but also because everything seemed to be slowly, very slowly looking up for his friends as well.

Seungmin… Well… It was kind of the same with him as it always was. He worked as hard as humanly possible to perfect every aspect of his performance. In his free time, he kept to himself, read, bought things off the internet, made his coffee…

It didn’t seem as if he really tried to talk to or connect with anyone in the group, which… Jisung tried to tell himself that that was okay, that – in the end – they were technically still all just colleagues and that it wasn’t necessary to be friends with every single person you worked with… And yet…

Just the other day, Jisung had found the singer in the kitchen, clutching a cup of coffee and staring holes into the wall. When Jisung had gently said his name, Seungmin had nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Hey…” Jisung had mumbled carefully and had even reached out to touch the singer’s shoulder, hoping that it would have the same grounding effect that the gesture always had on himself. “Is everything okay?”

However, Seungmin had just smiled.  He had stepped to the side to evade his touch and had looked right into Jisung’s eyes. “Yup. Everything is fine. I’m just… thinking about some things.”

Jisung had frowned when Seungmin had left the kitchen without another word. It had struck him that with how caught up he had been – and to an extent still was - in all of the other things around him, he had no idea what was going on in Seungmin’s life. The singer seemed to be more distant from the group with each passing day.

And Jisung couldn’t decide whether that was just natural with all of the issues and drama going on, or whether it was cause for worry. In the end, Jisung decided to chalk it up to Seungmin’s focus on his career. He had watched the singer more closely over a few days and Seungmin smiled and joked around and generally, he seemed to be doing alright.

Meanwhile, Chan and Felix were away for Felix’s heat and Jisung hadn’t known that he could ever be this happy for someone because they were spending a cycle together.

It had been the cutest thing in the world, how a very flushed Felix had beamed as bright as the sun itself as he said his goodbyes to Hyunjin and Jisung.

“I can’t believe that we’re actually going!” he had squealed and Jisung had hugged him even tighter. It had been hard not to get excited with his friend… even if the topic of cycles was still a sore spot for the rapper.

But then Felix had said something that had torn right through Jisung’s heart again. “I almost didn’t want to get too excited,” he had mumbled shyly. “This whole time, I thought that something was bound to come up, that something would happen, and that he would want to stay behind after all.”

The words had been like a dagger to Jisung’s chest. It had hurt so much to hear how sure Felix had been that he wasn’t Chan’s biggest priority. Especially, because they had all known that it was true.

If anyone deserved to be someone’s number one priority in life, it was their Australian sunshine. Felix was a hopeless romantic at heart. He had told Jisung about how, even as a child, he had dreamed about meeting his prince charming, about his knight in shining armour saving him… To this day, Felix was obsessed with love songs and the idea of soulmates. He adored big, romantic gestures and cried at videos of strangers’ weddings on the internet

And yet, he had fallen for someone who Jisung knew thought of being in love as something selfish, as something that he couldn’t afford. And the rapper hoped with every fibre of his being that Felix could finally manage to break through that stupid wall that Chan had built around himself and show him that he was worth being loved as well.

Even if he knew that it was unrealistic and probably dumb and probably bad for their career… Jisung kind of hoped that Felix would return from his heat with a mating mark on his neck. And if not, at least with a boyfriend by his side.

It had been so heartwarming to watch their leader and Felix over the last few days. As Felix’s pre-heat had gotten more and more intense, Chan had started doting on him in a way he never had. He had wrapped him in his clothes, had made sure he was sufficiently scented wherever he went and seemed to need to be touching him at all times. And Felix had been practically glowing.

Jisung so desperately hoped that this heat would finally start them on a new path forward together. Maybe them figuring themselves out would also finally bring some peace to their group.

Although, again, at the moment, they weren’t doing too bad. Even Jeongin, Hyunjin and Changbin seemed to be calming down… kind of. Since the incident with Hyunjin’s ex at the music show, they seemed to all make an effort to settle into something that almost resembled a sense of normalcy.

The Omega and Jeongin seemed to be closer than ever. They spent their days painting ceramics and attending sowing classes together. Whereas Felix and Chan seemed to be on opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to romanticism, Jeongin and Hyunjin seemed to be on exactly the same page. When the dancer showed Felix and Jisung photos of their dates, they almost looked like snippets from a music video and when Jisung had told Hyunjin as much, the Omega had blushed furiously but had beamed from ear to ear.

At the same time, Hyunjin also seemed to be slowly, very slowly opening up to Changbin again. Jisung wondered whether part of it was that he seemed so much more secure in his relationship with Jeongin, or whether they would have always found a way back to being friendly with one another.

It wasn’t like they were hanging out again, they probably still had ways to go before they ever got close to that, however, occasionally, the Omega and Changbin would talk.…even if just in passing, and if nothing else, that was progress. While walking through the park with Minho’s calm and protective presence right by his side, Jisung could almost convince himself that everything would work out eventually.

***

The familiar tune of his ringtone tore Jisung from his thoughts. He fished for his phone and immediately lost his footing upon seeing the name on the display. A familiar hand caught his arm while he somehow managed to stumble to a halt. When he looked up, he found the older Alpha watching him with worry written all over his beautiful features.

“It’s Hyunjin,” Jisung whispered hoarsely, and Minho’s face fell instantly. They both knew that the Omega was fully aware that they were on a date. They both knew that he wouldn’t bother them, unless there was something seriously wrong… Jisung swallowed and looked back down at the phone. There was no way that this meant good news.

“Jisung?” Hyunjin sounded absolutely terrified. He took a few moments after Jisung had picked up before he managed to stutter: “I… I think I messed up.” His voice was so small and quiet that Jisung had trouble understanding him. And yet… just the few words were enough to make his heart clench and then drop through his stomach. Shit. What had happened now?

He tried to remember where everyone had been before he and Minho had left. The six members who were not currently on heat-leave had had a joined dance practice at JYPE. Afterwards, Hyunjin, Jisung and Minho had all headed to the dorm together. Jeongin and Seungmin had been scheduled for some vocal lessons and Changbin… well, Jisung had honestly just kind of assumed that he had gone to the gym. But maybe he hadn’t… Shit. Jisung’s stomach turned. “Did something happen with Hyung?”

Hyunjin sniffled on the other end of the line. “Nothing bad,” he breathed, which indirectly confirmed that Changbin did really have something to do with all of this. Fuck. Jisung and Minho should have not left them alone. They should have anticipated the possibility that Changbin would know that they would leave, that he would seize the opportunity of Jeongin being busy and Hyunjin being alone at the dorm. They…

But before Jisung’s thoughts could spiral any further, Hyunjin continued shakily.  “At least… It wasn’t bad at first. I…” He took another shaky breath. “He came home, and we were alone and we… we talked.” His words did absolutely nothing to calm Jisung even in the slightest. Especially, when another choked sob escaped his lips. And yet, before Jisung could do or say anything, Hyunjin rushed to add: “It was good.”

His words caused Jisung to pause. Hyunjin and Changbin had talked… and it had been good… and yet, here the Omega was, crying his eyes out over the phone. What the fuck was going on?

“We decided that we should go out for some dinner and actually have a real conversation and we…” Hyunjin swallowed audibly. “We needed that talk.”

By now, Jisung was more confused than ever. “Jinnie…” He tried to make his voice sound as gentle as he possibly could. “Please, just tell me…”, Jisung begged. “Please tell me why you are crying.”

Hyunjin let out another sob and then another and then… “It’s Jeongin,” he finally managed.

One word. One name. Two syllables. And yet it was enough to have the blood in Jisung’s veins turn into ice. Oh God.

“He…” Hyunjin continued tearfully. “He and Seungmin were supposed to be at JYPE. But when… when we got home, he… Jeongin was there.” He sobbed. “Jisung, he… he saw us coming in together and I… I didn’t even get the chance to explain. He just… He just ran out. I… I tried to go after him…” Another gut-wrenching sob tore through the Omega. “But… but by the time I made it outside, he was gone and I…”

Hyunjin made a sound that almost resembled a howl and Jisung didn’t think that he had ever heard someone sound quite as desperately helpless. The pain in his friend almost caused him to topple over. “How could anyone be this messy?” Hyunjin sobbed. “I make everything worse, I…”

“No.” That was enough. “Hyunjin stop.” Jisung sighed. Everything in his body seemed to hurt and yet he just felt entirely numb. However, at the same time, he also felt the overwhelming need to make absolutely sure that Hyunjin wasn’t unnecessarily beating himself up. “This is not your fault.”

He could practically feel Hyunjin wanting to argue because they both knew that that was not entirely true. No one had forced the Omega to date not one but two of his own bandmates after all. And yeah, maybe that was objectively not the smartest way to live your life. Before Hyunjin could say any of that however, Jisung defeatedly added: “Not really at least. This is just all extremely complicated.”

He took a deep breath and caught Minho’s confused gaze from across from him. Right. The older still had no idea what was even going on. Ugh, why did all of this have to be so difficult?  

“I mean… Even if you and Hyung have never officially dated, you can’t deny that you definitely had something going on.” Jisung sighed again. “And then you broke up or fell out or he messed up or whatever you want to call it.” He shook his head. “And you’re still in the same band. That’s already difficult enough to navigate.” Jisung let a hand run through his hair. “And then Jeongin gets added to the mix and it all just gets even more complicated.”

He bit his lip before he continued. “I am so happy for you two, for you and Jeongin. You guys seem so good together.” He meant his words. Jisung wanted nothing more than for Hyunjin to find his happiness. “And I am honestly so proud of you for making an effort to reconcile with Hyung as well. Should you maybe have let Jeongin know that you are going out for dinner together? Probably. Honestly? I can kind of understand why Jeongin was angry when he saw you and Changbin come home together.” Jisung watched as Minho’s eyes widened. It served as yet another reminder of just how messy all of this was.

“He must know that Changbin is still in love with you,” Jisung continued. “And he knows how much he hurt you. Of course, he doesn’t like seeing you with him.” He swallowed thickly. “But he still should have given you a chance to explain yourself. Or he should have at least told you that he is not in a good mindset to talk but that he will get back to you. This… this lack of communication, it’s not exactly improving anything.”

Something in Jisung’s stomach tightened, reminding him of just how hypocritical those words were coming from him. He chose to ignore the feeling. “I can’t see him leaving you over this,” he said quietly, instead. “He probably just needs to blow off some steam and then he will come back.”

Hyunjin let out another heartbreaking sob. “That’s not what I’m worried about,” he whimpered. “Well… I am also scared of that but… That’s not why I called. I…” His voice broke and then there was nothing but the sound of absolute heartbreak on the other end of the line for a while.

Nothing had ever terrified Jisung more. What if something had happened to Jeongin? What if he had gotten in an accident? What if he… But before he could even finish that thought, there was someone talking again on the other end of the line.

“Seungmin just called us,” Changbin had apparently taken Hyunjin’s phone from the Omega. He sounded every bit as frantic, if not even more so. Jisung was immediately reminded of their talk in the restroom of that music show. “I want to take care of him too,” Changbin had admitted back then. “I feel so useless.” Jisung swallowed thickly, he kept forgetting just how much Changbin cared for their Maknae as well.

“Is Minho there?” Changbin asked, ripping Jisung from his thoughts. “Can you put me on speaker or something? I need to talk to both of you.”

Jisung immediately nodded, and when he remembered that Changbin couldn’t see him, he quietly replied the affirmative as well. He motioned for Minho to get close to him and pressed the button to activate his speakerphone.

“What happened?” Minho sounded just as worried as Jisung felt. God, this was such a mess.

Changbin let out a sigh. It sounded weak, helpless. “Apparently Innie is really, really fucked up,” he mumbled and Jisung could hear Hyunjin howling at his words in the background of the call. “He apparently got extremely drunk, extremely quickly and probably without having eating anything all day. He’s not in control of himself at all. And Seungmin is afraid that if the company finds out, they’ll boot him.” Changbin’s voice broke. Jisung knew just how guilty the rapper probably felt in that moment.

“Seungmin asked us to come help,” Changbin continued. “But… like… I don’t think me or Hyunjin showing up right now will make the situation better in the slightest. I…” He paused and Jisung almost thought that he heard him quietly sniffle as well. “What do we do?” Those words sounded as helpless as Jisung had ever heard his bandmate. It broke his heart.

“We’re also scared that Chan will find out,” Hyunjin added, apparently having taken over the phone again. “Lix… he deserves to have him all to himself for once. If Hyung finds out, he’ll freak.  He’ll just be on the phone the entire time.”

Minho and Jisung exchanged one look. In that situation, one look was enough. It conveyed everything that they needed to communicate: This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. And they had to get back to the others as quickly as possible. They only exchanged one look, before turning on their heels and practically racing back to their dorms.

By the time they arrived, Jisung’s side was stinging, and his vision was swimming. His heart was racing but the feeling that had suddenly taken over his head wasn’t just exertion or anxiety. Jisung was intimately familiar enough with both of those feelings to know that it wasn’t.

He had fainted from overexertion countless times, especially as a trainee when he hadn’t known his own limits yet and he had experienced even more panic attacks. This was different. This was something else. Jisung was extremely dizzy and well, he would rather not think about why he was.

Luckily for him, he didn’t get much time to dwell on the feeling, because Hyunjin jumped into his arms as soon as they pushed open the door.

“Why do I always mess everything up?” the Omega sobbed, inconsolable in his unrelenting self-hatred. “Why, why, why?” Jisung clung onto him with all his might. Both, because he didn’t know what else to do and also because the room was still spinning around him. This could not be happening right now. It absolutely could not be! “Innie was so good to me…” Hyunjin continued to sob. “He doesn’t deserve…”

However, before he could finish his thought, Changbin’s phone interrupted him. Jisung watched in horror as the rapper’s face fell as soon as he looked at the screen, reminiscent of how he himself must have looked when he had realised that Hyunjin had called him. Oh God. Oh no.

All of them stared at Changbin who still just looked down at his ringing phone. When he looked up, Jisung’s stomach tied itself in knots. “It’s Hyung,” the rapper whispered. “Someone must have told him.”

It was as if the world had come to a screeching halt. All of them had halted their movements, all of them wore the same exact look of utter shock and horror as the reality came crashing down on them that everything that they had been trying to prevent might have already happened.

Minho caught himself first. “There is a chance that he’s calling for something else,” he reasoned, even though they all knew that it was highly, highly unlikely. “Just answer it.”

“Hi?” Changbin immediately put the call on speaker, and they all gathered around the phone. The sudden movement made everything in Jisung’s head spin again and he suddenly felt so weak on his feet that he had to cling onto Minho for balance. He hoped that he could get away with it just being for emotional support. To be fair, in that moment, all of them looked as if they could really use someone to lean on.

“Changbin?” Chan sounded out of breath and Jisung really, really hoped that he hadn’t stopped to call in the middle of a wave of Felix’s heat, that their sunshine wasn’t currently lying naked somewhere in a hotel bed while Chan was in the corner on his phone. He didn’t think that their leader would be that cruel…and yet, a feeling of dread had begun to make a home at the bottom of his stomach…

“Minhyuk-Hyung just called me,” their leader breathlessly started to explain. “Apparently, someone saw Jeongin at the Moon Club, throwing up in the middle of the dance floor. He seems to be in really, really bad shape.” He stopped to catch his breath and the four of them exchanged worried looks. This really didn’t sound good at all… Normally Jeongin would just pour his heart out to more people than he probably should or maybe embarrass himself dancing, if he was throwing up… in the middle of a club… and people had already seen him…

“I have no idea what happened, but we need to get him out of there. Do you know where Minho, Jisung and Seungmin are? I’ll probably need all hands on deck. I know that you don’t want to hear this, but we might need Hyunjin as well… unless this has something to do with him…” Chan sounded absolutely frantic and then… then he said something that changed everything. “I am on my way to the club now but if you can, please find the others and make them go too. Maybe Hyunjin can check on Felix… I…”

“What the actual fuck?” Jisung winced while Hyunjin echoed his exact thoughts. He had never heard the Omega quite this angry. “Chan!!” No honorifics. Because in that moment, their leader didn’t deserve them.

“Please tell me that you did not just leave Felix at the hotel!” The last part almost sounded like a plea. And Jisung understood Hyunjin. He couldn’t yet fully believe that their leader would actually do something like that either… to Felix of all people. He was still hoping that maybe there had been a misunderstanding, that maybe Chan had meant that he had told someone to go to the club and that he wasn’t actually on the way there himself…

And yet, that tiny piece of hope, that Jisung had so desperately clung to, was crushed immediately. There was silence on the other end of the line, then Chan mumbled: “I know that it’s not ideal… but Felix will be fine. I’ll go back as soon as I can, Jeongin just…”

Hyunjin grabbed Jisung. “You’re not going back,” he snarled. “I don’t think that you’re ever going to get the privilege of putting your hands on him ever again.” He shook his head and there was so much disappointment on his features that it caused Jisung to shudder.  There were goosebumps erupting all over his skin while his body internalised what part of his mind still refused to believe: Christopher Bahng, their leader, Jisung’s first ever friend, Bang Chan… had just left Felix alone, in the middle of his heat.

When Changbin took the phone and put it to his ear, he didn’t just look sad, he looked outright disturbed. “I don’t think I have ever been more disappointed by anyone,” he said quietly, with more gravity to his tone than Jisung had ever heard from him.

Chan had been the person to ask Changbin to join him and Jisung in the studio when they were trainees. He had been the one who had kickstarted his career. Over the years, Chan and Changbin had become close friends, almost brothers. Chan had spent holidays with Changbin’s family. They had been side by side for every step of the way.

And Jisung knew that Changbin had always looked up to Chan, to their oldest, their main producer, their leader… The reality of all of it hit Jisung like a ton of bricks. And to make matters worse, he could see every bit of emotion, all of the disappointment, all of the anger, all of the hurt written all over Changbin’s features.

“I know that you are just trying to help Hyung,” the rapper whispered eventually. “But Lix needed you more.”

“Lix is not about to be kicked out of the band.” Chan had gotten quieter. It was obvious that he wasn’t proud of himself, but he still seemed to think that he was doing the right thing. Suddenly, Jisung could hear words, words that their leader had said many, many months ago when the two of them had been alone at the dorm for the first time ever. “I promise you that I won’t ever cause Stray Kids to break up.”

There it was. The reality of Chan’s number one priority. Not his success, not his career and not Jeongin himself… but Stray Kids. If one of the members got kicked out, it would mean the end of the group that Chan had so carefully assembled, the group that he had sworn to protect. I promise you that I won’t ever cause Stray Kids to break up no matter at what cost… That last part Chan hadn’t said back then. And yet it was the plain and simple reality.

“Hyung,” Minho had taken the phone from Changbin’s hands. The look on his face caused Jisung to shudder again. He was immediately overwhelmed with the urge to go to him, to calm him down. In that moment, Minho looked lethal.

“Seungmin is already at the club,” he said calmly, with a voice as harsh and biting as ice. “And I will come to help as well.” He huffed and Jisung couldn’t bare it anymore. He tore himself from Hyunjin’s hold and stumbled across the living room right into the arms of the older Alpha.

Suddenly, he was reminded of that incident in the practice room all those months ago. When he had so desperately wished that he could be a safe space for Minho, that he could calm him, that he could provide comfort. Back then, he had thought that it was impossible, that he could never be that for anyone, let alone Minho. And yet here he was, with one arm around his waist and his nose buried right where the other Alpha’s scent was the strongest

Minho took a moment to hold the phone away from his face and press a small kiss to Jisung’s temple. “Thank you,” he mumbled, before he went back to his call.

“Changbin will stay at the dorm,” he said decidedly. “I don’t think him showing up is going to help at all, but he’ll be on alert - just in case we do need him.”

Then, he sighed. “Hyunjin and Jisung will make their way to Felix…” Those words seemed to be harder for him to say. Minho’s voice suddenly seemed less harsh and more disappointed and exasperated. It was the first time that he had let his emotions show in his tone. Instinctually, Jisung immediately pressed closer.

On the other end of the line, Chan seemed as if he wanted to say something. However, before he could, Minho cut in. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice ice-cold again. “But you don’t get to choose anymore. If you’re uncomfortable with Jisung being with him then you should have stayed. Felix needed you and you abandoned him.”

Jisung shuddered. He couldn’t help it. It wasn’t even just Minho’s words; it was also the way in which he said them. He had never seen Minho take charge like this. Deep down, he had always known that he could, that if Minho wanted to, he could be a real issue for Chan. They probably all knew that.

However, usually, it didn’t seem as if the dancer was all that interested in any sort of power or responsibility. Minho would never just challenge Chan for his own gain. But if it was for someone that he cared about… Jisung shuddered as he remembered how Minho had growled at Chan for him. And now here he was, asserting himself over Chan for Felix.

 “I don’t care what your intention was,” Minho said coldly. “He is not in a headspace to properly understand any of this. And you know that.” His voice was filled with something that almost resembled disgust. “That’s the part that breaks my heart the most.” He shook his head. “The fact that you knew what you were doing, and you did it anyways…” His voice broke and Jisung let out a small whine in response. It caused Minho to tighten his grip around him. “I’m going to hang up the call now,” he told Chan… and in the next moment he was absolutely drowning Jisung in scent.

They stood there like that for quite some time… though Jisung couldn’t have made even a rough estimate on how much time exactly. It didn’t matter. Not in that moment. In that moment, they both just needed the comfort the other provided and they needed it desperately.

“You don’t have to go.” It was the first thing that Minho whispered after a while. “I…”

But Jisung interrupted him. “I do.”

Minho nodded. He had known as much. That was why he had told Chan that both Hyunjin and Jisung would go. “Yeah…” the older Alpha said quietly and leaned back so that he could look into Jisung’s eyes. “I know. I’m just…”

“I don’t think I will react to him,” Jisung mumbled and let himself be embraced by the older Alpha again. “I hate the way he smells.”

His words actually caused Minho to chuckle. He leaned back once more to make a show of pouting. “We both smell like vanilla though… should I be insulted?”

Jisung huffed and rolled his eyes, but he decided to entertain Minho for the moment. “His scent is so sweet that it makes me nauseous,” he said and giggled a little when Minho suddenly descended onto his neck to scent him again.

“Guys?” Jisung winced when he heard Hyunjin’s voice. He had honestly almost forgotten that the other two were still there. “Look, as cute as this is and as happy as I am for you, we really need to get to Felix and Jeongin.”

Jisung was probably bright red, but he nodded. Minho, however, didn’t move. He just looked as worried as ever as he brushed a strand of Jisung’s hair out of his face. “What if he reacts to you?” he asked quietly.

“He might,” Jisung shrugged, feigning more bravery than he felt. “But that’s not going to make me sleep with him.” He sighed. “And Hyunjin will be there. I’ll make sure that he knows to call you if anything unforeseen happens.”

Minho kissed him, briefly but with a lot of emotion. “Okay,” he said quietly. “Take care of yourself.” He pressed his face into his neck to scent him one last time. “And for the love of God, please take care of him too. He’s going to be absolutely destroyed.” When he met Jisung’s eyes again, there was pain written all over his perfect features.

It almost made Jisung want to stay. But then Hyunjin grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door… and Jisung was once again busy trying to navigate his way through a world that for some reason kept spinning around him.

***

The scent that hit Jisung in the face as soon as he pushed open the hotel room door was entirely overwhelming. It was almost as if it made the air itself thicker, as if it made everything heavier and breathing harder… And it was by far the worst thing Jisung had ever smelled.

Felix’s sugary mixture of vanilla and chocolate had turned sour, bitter… almost burned. There was so much pain just in the scent alone that it had Jisung recoil and almost howling with hurt. He hadn’t known that something like this was even possible.

When he looked to his side, he found Hyunjin shaking violently. The Omega’s lips were white and pressed into thin lines and a single tear was making its way down his cheek. Hyunjin looked as destroyed as Jisung felt. And to the Alpha it was obvious in that moment that neither of them were ready to face what was to come.

He was right. The sight of Felix was absolutely harrowing. The small blonde was curled up in a ball of tears and whimpers, naked except for one of Chan’s shirts, on a nest that had clearly been carefully assembled out of their leader’s clothes.

Jisung let out a shaky breath. There had always been the risk that his Alpha would take over as soon as he smelled an Omega in heat. And yes, in that moment, countless emotions seemed to be battling inside of his chest: Anger, pain, disappointment, empathy, heartbreak… but desire certainly wasn’t one of them. He simply wanted to take the pain away from their sunshine, to make sure that nothing and no one could ever hurt him again.

Hyunjin was the first to approach the nest and crouch down. “Hi…” he whispered carefully. His voice had barely been more than a whisper and yet Felix flinched at the sound. His eyes were filled with nothing but panic and terror. Jisung despised how out of it he looked. And he was downright disgusted with their leader for having left him behind in this state.

“Alpha?” Felix’s voice was so broken that Jisung inadvertently started to cry at the sound. He didn’t think that a single word had ever managed to bring him to tears before, and yet in that moment he simply felt so powerless, so weak in the face of all of Felix’s pain, that he couldn’t help it.

Hyunjin didn’t seem to be doing much better. At least judging from the way it took the Omega several unintelligible croaking sounds until he finally managed a small “No, Channie-Hyung isn’t coming.”

The scream that Felix let out at those words cut right through Jisung’s soul in a way that made him think that he would probably never be whole again. Jisung knew pain. He knew trauma. He knew what it was like to hurt. And yet there was something so raw about all of this, that even he couldn’t help but shiver at the sheer amount of suffering.

When Felix started sobbing again, Hyunjin pulled him into his arms and looked at Jisung with so much helplessness in his eyes that it made Jisung want to scream. How could one single person mess up so much?

Eventually, Hyunjin – who was by now sobbing just as much as Felix was, if not more – tried to get the younger Omega to sit up and look at Jisung. “I couldn’t bring Chan,” he said quietly, apologetically “But look who I brought instead.”

Felix’s eyes were so red and swollen that Jisung wondered whether he could even still see. But maybe he didn’t need to. The small Omega just sniffed the air a few times before weakly asking: “Alpha?”

Jisung tried his best to at least imitate the shadow of a smile. “Yes,” he croaked and in the next moment he found himself in the nest, with Felix clinging onto him as if he was the last thread that still tethered him to his earth. “Why am I not good enough for him?” Felix asked over and over again. “Why can I never be enough?”

They stayed like that for hours… and then hours turned into a whole night… and then a whole night turned into days… It ended up being almost a full week until Felix was finally back to being himself again.

Before that, the Omega had been so out of it that Jisung had been genuinely concerned whether he would ever be the old version of himself again. For days on end, Felix had seemed to be absolutely incapable of doing anything. Jisung and Hyunjin had had to shower him, dress him, make him eat…

At some point, Hyunjin had informed Jisung that the others had apparently gotten Jeongin home safe and sound and that the young Alpha wasn’t in trouble… at least not with management or JYPE. But other than that, they had stayed almost entirely isolated from the outside world.

They had ordered room service and had tried their damned best to get Felix to eat. It had taken a few tries until they figured out that Jisung asking him to do it “for Alpha” was the only chance that he would at least nibble at some things. However, in most cases, the Omega had almost instantly thrown up again.

Felix had been hungover and dehydrated and not willing to even just attempt to drink. Eventually, it had even gotten so bad that Hyunjin had ended up on the phone with some specialist, in an attempt to avoid having to bring Felix to a hospital.

Luckily, the specialist had been incredibly helpful. He had explained the effects of an abandonment in the middle of a heat… how the Omega’s body would instinctually try to draw out the heat for as long as possible in case the Alpha would come back after all. Which had explained why Felix’s cycle had simply not seemed to want to end.

He had also explained that the mixture of hormonal changes, emotional distress and just general lack of sleep and exhaustion were probably the biggest causes for Felix’s apparent inability to keep any food down and that they should feed him small snacks and water as best they could until he was done.

The man had ended the call by saying: “Whoever did this to him should be ashamed of himself. Not only is it cruel, but it’s extremely dangerous. Felix is lucky that he has friends like the two of you.”

***

When they eventually returned to the dorm, Minho made sure that Chan was out of the apartment. Felix immediately switched rooms with Hyunjin upon arrival and from there on out, Changbin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Hyunjin, Minho and Jisung all made it their mission to prevent Chan from even coming close to the younger Australian.

It was obvious that their leader hated it, that he wanted to care for Felix, that it hurt him when he saw him suffer… and yet he seemed to accept his fate. He never argued, never complained, never even tried anything. To Jisung it was obvious that Chan knew that he had messed up, that he had known it even when he had done it and that he didn’t expect Felix to forgive him.

And yet, amidst all of the hurt, there was one issue that remained unaddressed… because Jisung was still hiding it from everybody, even from Minho… because he was still not ready to face what he knew it must mean. And that issue were his random bursts of dizziness. Bursts that had by now turned out to be a scarily regular occurrence.

Even now, a few days after their return, he laid in Minho’s bed and his head was pounding. His stomach wasn’t all that happy with him either and it felt as if the whole room was spinning around him. It was terrifying. Especially, because he knew what it was, what the dizziness meant.

Behind him, Minho let out a tired groan. Fuck. Jisung had thought that the older had fallen asleep already. “Baby?” God, that raspy voice would one day be the death of him. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Jisung gave his best to force calmness into his tone. “Just hungry. I’ll get a snack in the kitchen.” It was a weak excuse, but what else would he have said? “Sorry, I feel like I drank at least two bottles of vodka on an empty stomach Hyung and lying in bed makes me feel as if I might faint, but don’t worry about it.” … yeah, maybe not.

Minho grunted sleepily. “Want me to make you something?”

“No!” His reply came out far too quickly and far too panicky. Jisung swallowed and forced himself to relax, even if his heart was racing and the room was still spinning. “I mean, no, you don’t have to. I’ll just eat an ice cream or something. Go to sleep. I’ll be back before you know it.”

He giggled when Minho didn’t let him out of his arms immediately. “Come on you big cuddle bug,” he complained, smiling. Despite all of what was happening he couldn’t help the fondness that he felt when he looked at the older. “I promise that I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Jisung’s dizziness improved as soon as he was on his own two feet and not lying down anymore. Which was… sort of a win? At least for now it caused relief to flood his system.

He knew full well that he couldn’t keep going like this, that one day, his body would just give out… And yet, he simply just couldn’t get himself to talk about it. Because telling someone, even just Minho or Hyunjin… it would make it all more real, it would make… the thing… more inevitable. And he just… he didn’t feel ready in the slightest.

Jisung sighed and made his way to the kitchen. If he was already up at this hour, he might as well actually get that ice cream that he had lied about wanting. However, his semi-calm resignation didn’t last for long. Because… well, there was already someone else sitting at the counter.

“Seungmin.”

The singer didn’t even look surprised when he heard Jisung’s voice. He just slowly raised his head from his ramen. “Oh,” he made. “It’s you.” And before Jisung could say as much as a word in reply, the singer grimaced and added: “You look like shit.”

Jisung rolled his eyes, even if he knew that Seungmin was right. “Likewise,” he muttered.

It was true. Somehow, Jisung hadn’t noticed it over the last couple of days, but Seungmin looked extremely strung out and tired. He had massive bags under his eyes and was so pale that he almost looked green. The sight caused Jisung’s stomach to tighten… again.

Meanwhile, Seungmin didn’t even dignify him with a response. Instead, he simply asked: “Are you worried about Innie?”

Jisung sighed. “He is okay.” He knew that it was a non-answer. They both did. But Jisung had a feeling that Seungmin would accept it anyways. “I’m glad that you were there,” he added for good measure, just so they would have something else to talk about.

Seungmin, however, only nodded.

Jisung frowned. “You never go out,” he mumbled, deciding that he might as well dig while they were at it. “What were you doing there?” He didn’t mean to sound accusatory. He was honestly just well… worried.

His bandmate didn’t reply for a while and just looked at him instead. After a few heartbeats of silence however, he sighed defeatedly. “I was supposed to meet someone.” He shook his head. “Jeongin and I were scheduled to have vocal lessons that night, but I asked them to move it. I am the reason why he was home earlier than expected.”

Jisung swallowed. “It’s not your fault,” he said even if he knew that it wouldn’t help. If he had learned anything over the past years with Stray Kids, it was that sometimes you just needed to say some things anyways.

Seungmin bit his lip. “I know,” he breathed. “I still feel like shit because of it.”

Jisung furrowed his brows. He wondered whether he had ever had a conversation like this with Seungmin. He wished he had been there for the singer more. He had no idea what Seungmin was going through… just that there was something. The Kim Seungmin he knew wasn’t someone who just rescheduled vocal practise for nothing.

And yet, before Jisung could ask any further, Seungmin had already changed the topic. It was obvious that he was as reluctant to talk as Jisung was. “Are you worried about Felix?”, he mumbled and Jisung scoffed. “Obviously.”

His response caused the singer to frown. „He will be alright. He’s strong.”

Jisung knew that Seungmin was just trying to soothe him, that he was doing his best to give him hope… but his words still caused the rapper to grit his teeth. “That’s what Chan thinks,” he spat.

Four words… four words were enough to change Seungmin’s expression entirely. The singer had gone from worried to outright pained. “Hyung fucked up,” he whispered, stating the obvious.

Chan had indeed fucked up. They knew that. They all knew that. And now, they all wondered the same thing: Whether maybe this had finally been one step too far, weather maybe even Felix wouldn’t be able to forgive Chan for this one.

Neither of them said anything for a while, both seemingly lost in their own thoughts, about Felix, about Chan, about the future of their group.

Eventually, however, Jisung made a mistake.

Or really, it was a series of bad decisions starting with Jisung deciding that, by then, he actually really wanted that ice cream. Without thinking about the consequences of his actions at all, he bent down to get to the freezer and… of course… the dizziness from earlier returned in full force.

Jisung couldn’t help but let out a small whimper. He fell to his knees and actually had to brace himself to stop his face from hitting the ground. He was panting and had to pause to collect himself. But before he had even really processed what had happened, familiar hands had hooked themselves under his arms and Seungmin was pulling him back to his feet.

“Careful there,” he said quietly and reached down to get Jisung the ice cream that he had wanted. Jisung took it quietly and even started eating it, despite knowing full well that Seungmin was watching him carefully as he did.

“You know that you can’t ignore this forever, right?”

Jisung winced, despite the fact that Seungmin could have not chosen a gentler tone.  “I don’t know what you are talking about,” he spat. With little to no hope of his tactic working at all.

“Eventually, your body is going to give out,” Seungmin mumbled. He was uncomfortably shifting from one leg to the other in front of Jisung and it was so obvious that the singer really didn’t want to have to be the person to bring this up.

 “You don’t know anything!” the rapper hissed back. He knew that he wasn’t getting out of this conversation with his tactic. Seungmin had known him as a trainee after all. He knew that Jisung was all bark and no bite.

Still, it made Jisung want to tear his hair out when Seungmin furrowed his brows, looking deeply concerned. “I know that you are taking extremely strong suppressants,” he said quietly. “When was your last cycle?”

Jisung felt caught, trapped, cornered… So, he did what he had always done when he had felt like this. He lashed out. “When was your last cycle?” he shot back, hoping to catch Seungmin off guard.

However, Seungmin, of course, wasn’t fazed in the slightest. He just raised an unimpressed brow. “March,” he replied dryly, throwing Jisung off entirely.

“What?” That didn’t make any sense at all. He frowned and tried to remember what they had done in March and why he couldn’t remember Seungmin taking a rut leave… But then it clicked. “Wait. You had your rut when we had time off?”

Seungmin didn’t reply.

It just served to confuse Jisung even more. “Why?”

Seungmin raised a brow and somehow that alone was enough to cause Jisung to pull his shoulders up in a subconscious attempt to make himself smaller. The look in Seungmin’s eyes was entirely unimpressed. Although… and maybe this was just Jisung projecting his own emotions onto his bandmate, but to him, it looked as if there was a hint of sadness in them as well… and maybe disappointment… and maybe even anger.

 “If you won’t talk,” the singer said quietly. “Then tell me, why should I?”

Chapter Text

The whole group was miserable. Absolutely miserable. And it made Jisung sick. Things had finally begun to look up again before Felix’s heat… so why did it have to all come crashing down on them once more? Hadn’t they endured enough already?

Looking back on their time together, Jisung had to admit that it bordered on a fucking miracle that they were even still a group. They had managed to get through so much… presentations, ruts, heats, relationships, fighting, hook-ups, break-ups… and yet, maybe this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Minho was right on his heels as Jisung headed into the living room for the “mandatory group meeting” Chan had called for earlier that day. The dancer had become clingier again, more possessive, more hostile towards the other members of their group… Jisung wondered whether it was maybe the fact that he had spent Felix’s heat by the Omega’s side, even if they hadn’t actually done anything remotely sexual…

The thought caused Jisung’s stomach to feel as if it was filled with rocks. Because, deep down, he knew that that wasn’t the reason. He knew that he was lying to himself. He knew that Minho could simply tell that there was something going on with Jisung, something that he didn’t want to talk about.

The dizziness hadn’t let up. Not in the slightest. If anything, it had gotten worse. Jisung now felt it to varying degrees in almost every minute of every day. He couldn’t really sleep, and he felt extremely weak most of the time. Deep down, he knew that it was only a question of when not if his body would truly give out on him.

And maybe Minho instinctually knew that too. Because he refused to leave Jisung’s side. He refused to let him hide this from him. Even now, as they had stepped into the living room, Minho immediately sat down on one of the sofas and pulled Jisung into his lap.

Jisung let out a small yelp of surprise at the action, especially because the sudden movement made the whole room spin around him again, but he didn’t attempt to free himself from Minho’s hold. The others knew about them anyways. It would have been ridiculous to think that they didn’t at this point. And honestly? Jisung was even kind of grateful for the comfort the older Alpha provided because well… this couldn’t possibly be actually happening.

The group meeting, that Jisung had half expected to be the announcement of some kind of group hiatus, looked to be a poorly planned movie night instead. There were snacks, popcorn and soft drinks on the table, blankets placed on every sofa and their TV showed the Netflix logo…

Jisung couldn’t help himself, he stared at their leader. He couldn’t possibly be serious, right? What did Chan think would happen? Did he truly expect that, after everything that had gone down just a few days ago, they would all cuddle up under comfortable blankets and forget about it all? There was no universe in which that was ever going to work!

Changbin was the first one to show up after them and his face betrayed the same sheer and utter disbelief that Jisung had felt at the sight. “A movie night?” he asked incredulously, still frozen in his spot by the door and positively gaping at their leader.

Chan just shrugged. “I thought it would be good to have some kind of relaxed group activity,” he mumbled. And Jisung shivered because he could practically hear the silent ‘I want to fix this, and I didn’t know what else to do.’. He had never seen the Australian seem so helpless.

Hyunjin was the next person to show up and he didn’t even look surprised. He just sat down next to where Jisung and Minho were cuddled up and pulled a blanket up to his nose. When Jeongin arrived, he sat on the furthest possible corner from Changbin and focused on nothing but the TV. He looked as if he had been crying.

Felix too, although the Omega didn’t even pretend to attempt to hide that fact. His eyes were red, his cheeks tear stained, and he was carrying a massive box of tissues. He was still sniffling when he plopped himself down next to Changbin and leaned into the Alpha’s side.

When Seungmin arrived, he took one look at the group on the sofa and then turned back around to get a chair from the kitchen. It was obvious that the singer would rather be extremely uncomfortable than to put himself anywhere remotely close to their sofas. And Jisung couldn’t even blame him.

He was relieved when Chan didn’t try to hold some kind of speech and instead just pressed play on some random movie he had apparently selected. However, his stomach clenched when he saw the Alpha sit down in the only available spot next to Changbin and Felix.

Felix groaned and turned around in order to climb into Changbin’s lap. The rapper let him, even closed his arms around him protectively while glaring at their leader… but the gesture had Hyunjin whimper next to Jisung and not long after, it became apparent that Jeongin must have noticed as well because he left the room without another word.

Jisung decided to try and defuse the situation by pulling Felix and Hyunjin into his own lap. But that only caused Changbin and Minho to look miserable instead. They didn’t even make it halfway through the movie, before Minho took the remote and told everyone that the group meeting was over.

Chan opened his mouth, presumably to protest. However, one glare from Minho had him curl in on himself. Felix, Hyunjin, Changbin and Seungmin immediately left for their rooms. Or well… the rooms they currently occupied. After Felix and Hyunjin had switched, Minho and Changbin had changed as well so that Chan, Minho and Hyunjin now shared one room while Seungmin, Felix and Changbin occupied the other. It was a mess.

Jisung was overwhelmed with dizziness again when he stood up. So much so that Minho had to catch him to prevent him from busting his face open on their coffee table.

“Are you okay?” Jisung had no idea how often Minho had whispered those words over the last few days… despite always getting the same lie in reply: “I’m good. Just tired.” Just tired, just hungry, just nervous… It was always some weak excuse that Jisung knew the older could see right through. He hated that he knew that he was hurting him.

They showered together and Jisung let Minho fuck him against the tiles. It was good. It always was with Minho. But it was also rushed, and he was forced to cling onto the wall with all his might because the world was once again spinning around him. What a fucking successful night.

***

Hyunjin’s heat had been scheduled long before any of this had happened. But it was still extremely unfortunate timing and Jisung could tell that the Omega felt guilty because of it.

He could tell by the way Hyunjin tried his best not to draw any attention to it, by how he pretended as if it wasn’t happening. The dancer hadn’t asked any of them for clothes, not even Felix. He showered at least twice a day and used a ton of scent neutralizer… And yet none of that could change the reality that he was going to have to go through it, and that it might affect Changbin and Jeongin and by extension cause even more problems for their group.

Jisung had decided that he would try to be there for the Omega when he prepared to leave. Even if he couldn’t really do anything at all. Just in case Hyunjin needed someone.

He knew that the Omega would have protested if he had been obvious about his plan, insisting that he was fine alone. But luckily, Jisung could get away with just lazing around on Minho’s bed… since that was what he did for most of his free time anyways.

He felt a lump in his throat while he watched Hyunjin pack his things. The Omega was leaving far earlier than he usually would in the timeline of his heat and it just served as yet another reminded that none of this was normal. Usually, when a member was leaving for his heat or rut, his scent and even his behaviour had already changed…

However, all of them had decided that none of them wanted to risk the chaos that even just a little bit of pre-heat scent from Hyunjin could start at their dorm. And so, well… he left early.

Minho had organized the entire thing. He had talked to the company staff, had made sure that Hyunjin got the hotel he wanted, the room he wished for and that a ride would be ready to take him there.

It was strange to see Minho assert himself like that and Jisung knew the dancer well enough by now to be able to tell that he wasn’t really enjoying taking on the extra responsibility. But he also knew that Minho would never let anything happen to the people in his inner circle, and so he had orchestrated everything. Quietly, perfectly and without ever once complaining.

Occasionally, Jisung would wonder how Chan felt about the shift in their group’s dynamics. He assumed that their leader didn’t like it. Still, he seemed to accept it quietly enough. At least he hadn’t confronted Minho about it… well, to Jisung’s knowledge at least. He wondered whether maybe Chan had just also accepted that he wasn’t doing the best job with leading at the moment.

Jisung sighed because it had gotten kind of hard to deny that fact recently. Just a few days ago, Chan had attempted to handle Jeongin’s situation and well… it hadn’t exactly gone perfectly.

It had come seemingly out of nowhere. Jisung and Minho had been slowly waking up from a nap, cuddled up in Jisung’s bed, when loud voices had torn through the peace and quiet around them.

“You are not allowed a single drop of alcohol until you get it together!” Chan had shouted angrily and Jisung had winced. Although he wholeheartedly agreed that Jeongin needed to stop with his drunken escapades, he very much doubted that this was the solution.

“And how are you going to stop me, huh?” Jeongin had bluffed back. “For the millionth time: I’m not your son! You’re not my parent! I am free to do as I want!” He had let out a loud, humourless laugh. “And guess what? I am even free to completely fuck up my own life if I want to!”

Minho had groaned and closed his eyes. Then he had pressed a chaste kiss to Jisung’s temple and had rolled out of bed. “Why do I even care…” he had mumbled to himself while he had pulled on a hoodie and cracked his neck. And then he had left the room to reluctantly sort out the situation.

Since that fight with Chan, Jeongin had isolated himself from the group. He spent his time locked away in his room and didn’t talk to anyone, including Minho… and Hyunjin, who he still hadn’t forgiven for going to dinner with Changbin.

Jisung couldn’t remember ever feeling as worried about anyone. “And guess what? I am even free to completely fuck up my own life if I want to!” those words still caused goosebumps to run down his spine… Especially with Hyunjin’s heat now coming up…

Jisung rolled onto his side. “Have you talked to Innie at all?” It was the first time he had said anything since he had plopped himself down next to where Hyunjin was still packing his stuff.

The Omega paused in the middle of his movement. “Only a little,” he mumbled. “He doesn’t want to. And I… I mean I understand.” He shook his head and sighed. “But I… I just don’t want to give up on him like that.” The dancer looked up from where he had just stuffed a pillow into a suitcase. His face betrayed just how hurt he was.

Jisung swallowed. There had been a time when it had been borderline impossible for him to read Hyunjin, however it had gotten so much easier recently… whether that was because they had gotten closer and Jisung had simply gotten better at it or whether Hyunjin had just given up on hiding his feelings, Jisung couldn’t tell.

“Felix said that I should try and talk to him.” Hyunjin hickuped and Jisung knew that he was fighting to keep his emotions in check. “Minho did too.” He hesitated. “And… and even Changbin has been urging me to make things right with Innie.” Those words were all it took for the tears to spill over. “Yesterday… Yesterday Hyung even offered to leave the group if that’s what it takes to make Jeongin feel comfortable again.”

Jisung bit his lips. It wasn’t even that he was surprised that Changbin had said that. It seemed that ever since the incident, and maybe even before that, the older rapper had made it his mission to make sure that Jeongin would be okay.

Jisung knew that it was probably because Changbin felt extremely guilty. And at this point, he wasn’t even sure whether Changbin was right to feel that way or not. He just knew that he absolutely hated how complicated all of this had gotten.  

“I… I managed to talk to him the other day,” Hyunjin continued in his broken tone. “Innie, I mean. I told him that Changbin and I just talked and that I was only trying to repair things with him so that we wouldn’t cause problems for the group.” He shook his head again and a sob ripped itself from the Omega’s throat. “He just said that he always knew that I would go back to Changbin.”

Jisung slipped off the bed and hurried over to hug Hyunjin tightly to his chest.

“I told him that I wouldn’t.” The Omega buried his face in Jisung’s – well technically Minho’s - hoodie. “And then he asked me whether I still love Changbin… And I…”

When he looked up, his eyes were red and swollen and his lip was bitten raw. “I couldn’t lie to his face,” he whispered. “I… I just didn’t say anything. And he… he told me to leave and not to come back.”

“Jinnie, I am so sorry,” Jisung felt tears prickle in his own eyes. He hated that his friends were all in so much pain. He wished that he could somehow make it okay for all of them.

“I can’t even blame him,” Hyunjin sobbed. “Like, at all. If he couldn’t even say that he wasn’t in love with someone else, I also wouldn’t want to talk to him.”

***

In the end, Hyunjin leaving wasn’t the overly emotional affair Jisung had anticipated it to be. But maybe that was also just because they had cried themselves dry before that. There was nothing they could do about it anyways. Hyunjin was going to have his heat whether it fit their schedule or the emotional state of their group or not. Because ‘health came first’… Right.

Jisung let his head fall onto Minho’s pillow and closed his eyes. Everything was spinning again, and he hated it. You would think that after some time you would get used to the feeling… but if that was the case, Jisung wasn’t there yet. He wasn’t even close. To him, the dizziness felt just as horrible as it always did, as it had from day one.

He wondered what it would be like to have his rut. He really tried to picture it. However, it proved impossible for him to imagine anything but pain and torture, anything but just being sedated and told that he was a complete and utter failure again.

He remembered the doctor who had told him to go to therapy back in Malaysia. He remembered how he had told him that the reason Jisung had had such a bad time during his first and only rut had been because he hadn’t leaned into his instincts enough. That - even in rut - he had fought every single inch of his being and tried way too hard to stay in control.

Jisung wondered whether that meant that it would be better if he didn’t fight, if he leaned into his instincts and just let them take over… He shivered once more. That didn’t sound better than pain at all. It just sounded absolutely terrifying. Especially because he couldn’t even be sure what his instincts would be.

He imagined being alone in some strange hotel room with everything he could possibly need from lube to fleshlights to probably fucking dildos to account for his… unnatural tendencies scattered around him. In his imagination he was in pain and desperately trying to let himself fall into his instincts while failing to even identify what those were. Right… As if that was ever going to work.

He wondered whether it would be better if Minho was there with him. Maybe? After all, the only time that Jisung had ever experienced an ‘instinct hangover’ had been after Minho had taken care of him that first time.

But then what if Jisung’s instincts did actually normalize during ruts and he would try to attack the older? What if he would try to fuck Minho? Would the other Alpha even be okay with that? What if Jisung hurt him?

He swallowed. Or what if he just broke down into a pathetic mess on the hotel room floor and had to be sedated again because he didn’t fucking know what his instincts even were… He didn’t want Minho to see him like that. He didn’t want Minho to be disgusted with him.

Jisung didn’t realise that he had started to cry until he tasted salt in his mouth. He was still dizzy, he was getting nauseous, he felt like absolute shit… and he hated that he was too weak to help himself out of his misery.

He was torn from his spiralling thoughts when the door opened, and someone walked in. Jisung expected it to be Minho and hid his face in a pillow so that the older wouldn’t see his tears. However, no one gently touched his back, no one slipped under the covers with him, no one carefully kissed his head and asked whether he was awake.

Instead, there were hurried footsteps and quiet cursing. It took Jisung far too long to realise that someone was climbing into Hyunjin’s empty bed on the other side of the room. Shit. This simply had to be either Jeongin or Changbin… and while Hyunjin would have probably been fine with either of them using his bed for comfort – in Jeongin’s case he would have probably even been happy about it – this still felt risky.

There was a choked sob that echoed through the room and Jisung wondered whether the intruder had even noticed him there. He hesitated, far too aware of the fact that every little movement could give him away and possibly make this even messier. However, eventually, he turned around and looked up… only to find that it was indeed Jeongin who was sobbing with his face pressed into the mattress.

The sight hurt Jisung to his core. He still vividly remembered how he had felt when Minho had gone into rut, how much it had affected him… And back then, they hadn’t even been dating yet, they hadn’t kissed yet, they honestly hadn’t done anything. Jeongin and Hyunjin were in a full-blown relationship… or well, they at least had been at one point. It was hard for Jisung to even imagine the effect that the knowledge that Hyunjin was going into heat somewhere must have on their Maknae.

However, there was also the fact that Jeongin had to still be extremely angry at the Omega… Jisung swallowed thickly when he realised just how torn Jeongin probably was because of this all. He wished he could somehow help him, wished that he could make it better for the younger. But what could he do? What could he say? There was nothing that would make the pain that emanated through the room with every one of Jeongin’s sobs go away.

Jisung had just decided that the best way forward was to not say anything and to simply let the younger Alpha cry into his pillow in peace, when the door suddenly opened again. The rapper allowed himself to let out a shuddering breath as waves of tension already fell off him. This had to be Minho. He was here. He would deal with everything.

And yet, once again, there was no one making his way over to where Jisung was laying. And when he looked up this time, his heart stopped. There, in the open door with light emanating from behind him, stood Changbin. Fuck.

As soon as Jisung recognized the familiar frame, he tensed again. He fully expected yet another fight to break out. How could it be any different? Changbin would yell at Jeongin about how it wasn’t his place to lay in Hyunjin’s bed. And Jeongin would retort with some low blow about how Hyunjin wasn’t Changbin’s Omega. It was sure to get ugly fast.

However, it seemed that Changbin had learned. He just let out a breath that he must have been holding, and quietly exited the room again. As soon as the door closed, Jisung shuddered. He was still shaken… and yet he couldn’t help but be impressed with his Hyung’s composure.

It was quiet in the room. And for the briefest of moments, Jisung allowed himself the hope that maybe Jeongin hadn’t even noticed that it had been Changbin who had come in, that he had maybe assumed that it had been Minho or Chan, that he had maybe even fallen asleep after all…

But then the younger moved again. Slowly at first, almost as if it was causing him pain. “He is so much better than I am,” he mumbled, and it was obvious that he was talking to himself. “Why do I always fuck everything up?”

He sat up in the Omega’s bed, drew his legs up to his chest and immediately closed his arms around them. He looked young like this. Vulnerable. Innocent. It broke Jisung’s heart. “I can’t do this.”

It only took four whispered words to break Jisung’s resolve to keep quiet. “Jeongin, don’t,” Jisung hadn’t even thought about it, before he had mumbled those words. He just knew that he needed to say something, anything to keep the younger from slipping away again.

He should have probably anticipated that Jeongin would practically jump out of his skin. It had been pretty obvious that he had thought that he was alone in the room after all. “Have you been here this whole time?” God, Jisung felt so bad. Their Maknae’s eyes were so wide and filled with so much shame and fear.

Jisung hesitated but eventually, he nodded slowly. After all, what was the point in lying? “Please don’t go drinking again,” he whispered. He felt so helpless, so stupid. “You know that it won’t make anything better. You know that you’ll regret it.”

Jeongin dropped his head. “I know,” he breathed. “But it’ll help in the moment. It’ll let me forget.”

Jisung didn’t know what to say to that. It was obvious that Jeongin knew what he was doing, that he knew how destructive his behaviour was. He just didn’t care. And Jisung knew that there was nothing that he could say that would change that.

He still made a pathetic attempt. “He loves you. You know that, right?”

Jeongin huffed and yeah, honestly? That was probably the appropriate reaction. Jisung hated that he didn’t know how to be more useful.

“Hyunjin?” The younger Alpha shrugged. “Maybe. But he will never stop loving Hyung as well and I… I just can’t…”

There was nothing Jisung could argue. He knew that there was a very real chance that a part of Hyunjin would indeed always love Changbin. And he could also understand why Jeongin wouldn’t be able or even just want to deal with that. Hell, who could blame him?

Jisung’s world got blurry, and his stomach turned again. God, he hated this feeling so much. It was as if he was standing on the edge of a bridge, about to bungee jump off of it. For a moment, all of his attention went to barely suppressing a groan. He didn’t want Jeongin to think that it was directed at him or his words.

“Please just stay.” It was the only thing he could say at this point. They both knew that it wasn’t enough.

Jeongin slipped out of the room, right when Minho finally actually walked inside. The older Alpha didn’t stop him, he just turned to look at Jisung with a raised brow and Jisung nodded defeatedly. “Do we try?”

Minho frowned. “I don’t know how we can stop without making everything worse. I could offer to go with him… but he would see right through that as well…” He was interrupted by extremely loud voices that were suddenly coming from the living room.

Jisung’s blood froze in his veins. Shit. He knew that Chan was still in the studio, that Felix had gone out with a friend and that Seungmin had vocal practise until later… so the only person that remained was… “Changbin,” Minho’s expression mirrored Jisung’s. It was one of pure and utter terror.

Their fear was immediately proven true. “I won’t let you walk through this door!” Changbin barked through the apartment.

Jeongin scoffed in response. “I love how all of you are always so quick to forbid me from doing stuff,” he taunted. “How will you stop me, huh?”

Changbin laughed a humourless laugh. “I am not Chan,” he said dangerously. “And I am not Minho. I will physically fight you. Try me.”

It was obvious that Jeongin didn’t know how to respond to that because he changed tactics almost immediately. “Don’t pretend as if you care about me!”

Their Maknae’s voice was already on the verge of breaking and Jisung absolutely despised it. He got up from the bed as if in a trance and walked towards the door. But Minho stopped him. “Wait,” he whispered. “Maybe Changbin can actually get through to him.”

Jisung shook his head. “They’ll just hurt each other.”

Jeongin was still going. “Don’t pretend as if you wouldn’t pop a bottle of fucking champagne if I blew up my whole career and had to leave the group.” He sounded so hurt that it caused Jisung to shiver.

Minho had removed his hand from Jisung’s arm, but the rapper didn’t move. He couldn’t. It had suddenly gotten eerily quiet in the apartment. For just a few fleeting moments, Jisung could hear nothing but his own racing heart.

Then, Changbin was talking again. Far more quietly this time, quiet enough that Jisung probably wouldn’t have been able to hear him had he still been on the bed. “Of course I care about you,” he said. “And not just because I think that you make Hyunjin genuinely happy but because you’re my bandmate, my friend.”

Jisung heard him huff. “I mean, look at me! I am ready to get my face kicked in. Just so you don’t go out and do something that I know you will regret.”

Wow. There was silence again in the apartment. And, for a moment, Jisung thought that Minho might have actually been right, that Changbin of all people might have actually finally said the right things to get through to Jeongin.

However, reality came crashing down on them just a heartbeat later.

“I hate you so much.” The words cut through the stale air around them like knives. And Jisung felt as if they hit him right in the core. It took everything in him not to topple over. And they hadn’t even been directed at him.

A door slammed. But it wasn’t the front door. Jeongin had run into his own room. Changbin had successfully prevented him from leaving.

***

Minho and Jisung found Changbin by their front door, breathing heavily and with his face contorted into an expression that was nothing but pain.

“You did well,” Jisung mumbled as he slowly approached him, almost as if his Hyung was a scared and injured animal that could still tear his face off if he moved too quickly. “You did the right thing.”

“He hates me.” Even as Changbin repeated them, the words caused Jisung to wince pathetically.

“Let’s get out of here.” Jisung shivered at the pheromones that Changbin was emanating. So many emotions… hurt, pain, fear, anger, disappointment… He knew that the older was turning into a powder keg that needed nothing but the smallest spark in order to explode…

If Jeongin walked out of that room again, if he said another single word to Changbin… It wouldn’t just get ugly. It would get downright dangerous. Jisung knew that he needed to get Changbin out of there… quick.

“Let’s go to the gym.” Jisung reached out a hand but he saw hesitation flutter across Changbin’s features. The older had always been sensitive to things like this. He could read a room. He knew full well that he needed to get out of there, that this wasn’t a safe environment for him at the moment. And still, he hesitated.

It was Minho who ended up guessing why he did. “I will take care of Innie,” he promised solemnly. “He won’t leave.”

Changbin looked downright miserable when they arrived at the gym. “How the fuck did I mess up again?” he mumbled, almost more to himself than to Jisung. They were in the locker room. Jisung had already changed and was sat on a bench, waiting for the other rapper who was shirtless and staring at his tank top as if it had all the answers.

“Try not to think about it for now,” Jisung mumbled, not entirely sure that he was giving good advice and not just making everything worse. “Let’s work out and then we can try to figure out how we can support Innie better. You…” He shook his head. “You didn’t fuck up. Not really. Not this time.”

Changbin looked up and there was so much pain on his features that it caused Jisung to shiver again. “I care about him,” the older said solemnly. “I feel like I should hate him, but I don’t.” He swallowed thickly. “I mean… Of course it hurts that Hyunjin chose him over me.” He pressed his lips together and Jisung could see him visibly fighting tears. “Fuck. It hurts like hell. But I mean… Of course I understand.”

The older Alpha was looking at his hands and Jisung wondered whether he had ever seen him quite this heartbroken. “Jeongin is such a good Alpha.” Changbin’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “He is kind and caring, always so polite. Did you know that he wanted to be a priest growing up?” He shook his head. “He has the softest heart of anyone I know. And he and Hyunjin have so much in common. They are both so creative and talented. They both love dancing. I mean… all of those classes they took together on their dates… How can two people be so sweet together?” Changbin paused to collect himself. “And it’s not just that. He is also strong and protective, and he stands up for himself and for Hyunjin.”

Jisung’s heart broke for his Hyung. He knew firsthand how horrible it felt to think that you could never be what the person you loved wanted or needed. He expected Changbin to add something like: ‘I could never give Hyunjin, what Jeongin gives him’ and was already trying to come up with a good reply to that, when Changbin surprised him.

“I mean…” the older rapper said and finally pulled his tank top over his head. “Jeongin is cute, beautiful, smart, charming, kind… He’s absolutely amazing. Of course I understand. Who would not want to date him?”

His words caused Jisung to pause. His heart beat once, twice, three times… and then his eyes widened and he realised something. “Hyung?” he asked carefully, suddenly unsure of how he should approach this conversation… whether it was his place to approach it at all.

Changbin looked him directly in the eyes and his gaze was so heavy with something almost akin to grief that Jisung had to look away just to be able to keep talking. “How do you feel when you see them together?” he asked carefully. “Hyunjin and Jeongin, I mean.”

Changbin huffed. “Like shit? Obviously?”

Jisung swallowed. “Right,” he mumbled. “But like… do you want to be there with Hyunjin instead of Jeongin?”

He supposed that it was a good sign that Changbin didn’t immediately punch him in the face. He frowned instead. “No,” he whispered eventually, sounding almost surprised at his own reply. “I… Not really. I guess… I guess I wouldn’t want to make Jeongin feel cast aside?”

Jisung nodded. So far, his suspicion was at least not disproven. “So…” he continued hesitantly. “So you kind of just want to be there with them? Is that what you feel when you see them?”

Changbin’s frown deepened. But… eventually, he nodded. “I guess?”

Jisung swallowed once more, one last time. This was it. He had to say it. It was now or never. “Look,” he began, and his voice was shaking so badly that he was sure it made it hard to understand him. “There is a good chance that this is just shaped and informed by my own… uh… perception of Alphas. I mean uh… I mean you know that me and Minho uh… Look.” He groaned. “Fuck it.”

When he looked up, he saw that Changbin’s expression had changed from one of pain to one of nothing but pure and utter panic. Jisung took a deep breath. He tried to remember everything that had led them to this point, everything that Changbin had said… I want to take care of him too… I feel so useless…I just wouldn’t want to make Jeongin feel cast aside…

The younger rapper reminded himself of how Changbin had punched Hyunjin’s ex clean across the jaw before ramming a knee into his stomach to make him let off the younger Alpha… Hell, how he had offered Hyunjin to leave the band for Jeongin’s sake…

Jisung braced himself for an attack, both verbal or physical… because what he was about to suggest was… well… “Hyung? Have you considered that you might be into Jeongin as well?”

Changbin didn’t attack him. He didn’t even protest. He just stood there, with his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. Until he eventually seemingly got a grip on himself, shook his head, grabbed his stuff and mumbled: “I need to go. I’ll be back home later tonight.”

Chapter Text

Jisung groaned. This just had to be the worst fucking feeling in the world. He couldn’t see. He didn’t know up from down. And his stomach felt like it usually did when he was on top of very, very high buildings. Just that he wasn’t at the moment. He wasn’t on some tall bridge, looking down at the water below him. He wasn’t on a rooftop terrace. He wasn’t about to go ziplining… He was in the kitchen of their dorm, trying to make himself some stupid ramen.

But wow… he was so fucking dizzy… again. Over the last two days, ever since Hyunjin had left for his heat, Jisung had managed to convince himself that maybe the dizziness had let up a bit. That he was actually getting a little better… But that might also just have been because he had been so distracted with other things.

Ever since Hyunjin had left, Jisung had spent most of his time with Felix, who was clearly still hurting immensely. The Omega still winced whenever anyone touched him… even if it was just Jisung or Minho. His lips were constantly bloody from being bitten raw and there was a dullness to his eyes that was nothing short of absolutely heartbreaking.

However, Felix was also clearly determined not to let his pain show. He kept going on and on about how really, it was a blessing in disguise that Chan had done what he had done.

Whenever he brought it up, Jisung tried his best to change the topic. It hurt him to his core to see his friend acknowledge that Chan hadn’t treated him particularly well even before he had left in the middle of his heat. When his friend insisted that it was good that this had really shown him how he couldn’t allow himself to be treated like that, the only thing that Jisung could hear was how much Felix wished that it could have been different.

Jisung knew that Chan wasn’t a bad person, that he was the furthest thing from it. Their leader was incredibly kind, extremely hard-working, utterly selfless. It was just…

Jisung also knew that Minho would always make Jisung his number one priority. Just as Jisung would always make the older Alpha his. He knew that Changbin had been ready to leave the group just to make Hyunjin and Jeongin feel better… And he knew that Jeongin would be ready to give Hyunjin up, to let him be with Changbin, if that was what it took for the Omega to be happy.

Yes, they may be a helpless mess. But they all at least tried. They all put who they loved before themselves.

Chan had of course always put Felix before himself as well. But the Omega had never been his number one priority. For Chan, that had always been Stray Kids. And in his determination to keep this group together, he had lost the one person who had put their leader at the top of his list.

And what made it even more heartbreaking was that Jisung was convinced that Chan did genuinely really love Felix. He probably had for a long time. It was just that deep down, for some reason, Chan did not think that he was deserving of that love. And so, he did nothing to try and salvage it.

It was one thing to give a person you have hurt space, to make them know that it was their choice whether they wanted to interact with you or not, to not pressure them into anything at all costs. It was an entirely different thing to completely pull away and making it seem as if you simply did not care.

Even if that couldn’t be further from the truth. Jisung could tell that this wasn’t any easier on the Alpha than it was on the Omega. He could tell that Chan was hurting just as much as Felix was. What he absolutely could not understand, was why their leader didn’t try harder to get the Omega back.

Had Jisung felt any better, he would have long shaken Chan, long and hard enough for the shoe to drop and for him to realise that he was making this worse.

But Jisung felt like shit. And as such, he hadn’t yet been able to muster up enough energy to talk some sense into Chan. He wasn’t even sure whether it was his place to… So, instead, he gave his best to comfort Felix.

It was harder since Hyunjin wasn’t there, but Jisung tried his damned best. Luckily, their schedules were pretty empty because of Hyunjin’s heat and so Jisung could take Felix out for food, they went shopping, they went to a cat café, he did everything in his power to try and get the Omega away from their leader and distracted.

Hell, he even let Felix sleep in his bed every night. Mostly so that the Omega didn’t have to be alone. Although, partially, admittedly, also so that Minho would stay away.

Because well, Jisung was scared. No, he was absolutely terrified.

It was so obvious that Minho could tell that Jisung was hiding something from him, and he knew that it was only a matter of time until the older asked. Until he managed to corner him somewhere and confronted him about his secrets.

And Jisung really did not want to lie to Minho’s face. Hell, he didn’t even know whether he would be able to. The older Alpha had shown him so much unconditional support since they had met. He had changed Jisung’s life in so many ways. He had gifted him so much trust and acceptance… He didn’t deserve to be lied to like that.

But what was the alternative?

Jisung knew that if he told Minho about his suppressants, about what his doctor had told him all those years ago and about how he would probably have to have his rut sooner rather than later, he wouldn’t understand. Not truly.

He knew that the dancer’s concern for Jisung’s wellbeing would far outweigh his compassion for his fears. If Minho knew that Jisung was putting his body, his health, hell, maybe even his life in danger, he would panic. That he would insist that Jisung went to the hospital right away, that he would push him to have his rut immediately.

And Jisung knew that it would make him feel as if he wasn’t taken seriously. Even if it was irrational, Jisung knew that it would make him feel as if Minho didn’t care about him. He didn’t want to deal with that. He simply couldn’t.

So, for the time being, Jisung just kept the Alpha at a distance, hoping beyond hope that maybe it would at least postpone the intervention that he knew was coming. 

He told Minho that Felix wanted some space, even if he honestly didn’t think that the Omega would have even minded if the dancer fucking slipped into bed with them every night. He told Minho that he should stay home and keep an eye on the others while he and Felix were away, even if he was pretty sure that they’d be fine… In other words, Jisung broke Minho’s heart every fucking day.

He knew that Minho despised the distance that had settled between them. That he hated how the extent of their intimacy had become that he scented Jisung in the morning when they saw each other in the kitchen and pressed a kiss to his nape when they hurriedly bid each other good night. Jisung knew that the older was desperate for some sort of connection. Hell, the dancer had even resorted to leaving scented hoodies on Jisung’s bed once again.

Of course Jisung hated it too, but he also knew that it was for the best. Especially since there was still so much else going on within their group. Not only was there the unresolved heartbreak between Chan and Felix. Changbin had also not talked to Jisung since the incident at the gym. He had returned to the dorm that evening, just like he had promised. But he had disappeared into his room right away. Jisung still had no idea whether Changbin was mad at him for even just suggesting what he did, or whether he hated him for causing him to spiral into the self-hatred that came with realising that you were not as straight as you thought you were.

Plus, Jeongin still wasn’t talking to anyone in their group and Seungmin was isolating himself more with each passing day as well. There was so much that demanded everyone’s attention besides Jisung’s stupid reluctance to have his rut. It just had to wait.

The room began to spin once more and Jisung had to lean on the counter to maintain his balance. He wanted to cry. Why was he suddenly feeling so bad again? For a moment, he considered just sitting down on the kitchen floor and to simply wait until it got better. But then, a door got opened somewhere in the apartment and familiar footsteps made their way over to the kitchen.

Jisung barely had time to straighten up a bit and compose himself as best he could, before Changbin entered.

“Oh!” Jisung forced a smile and tried his damn best to sound as normal as possible. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Everything alright?” He cringed at his own words. The last time they had talked, Jisung had basically accused Changbin of being into Alphas… and here he was, stupidly asking ‘everything alright?’… ugh. He was such a stupid, pathetic fucking idiot.

Unsurprisingly, Changbin didn’t smile back. He didn’t even reply. Instead, he just frowned and pressed his lips together before pulling out one of their bar stools from underneath the counter and sitting down in silence. It all made Jisung want to run and cry.

Eventually, however, Changbin looked up. “How do you deal with it?”

Jisung’s heart sank. He was still clutching the counter with all his might. So really, it shouldn’t be surprising that one of his oldest friends could tell that something was wrong with him.

Still, he didn’t answer right away. Partially because he didn’t know how, since well… it wasn’t as if he was ‘dealing with’ the undeniably steady decline of his health at all. He just ignored it and hoped that it wouldn’t land him in an ER soon. And partially simply because he did not want to talk about it. So, instead, he decided to play dumb. “Deal with what?”

Changbin sighed. “Being attracted to another Alpha,” he mumbled. “It’s kind of overwhelming me right now, not gonna lie.”

Oh. Oh. Jisung had to force his jaw not to drop. He could not believe that his Hyung had just asked that.

Jisung would never forget how the world had come crashing down on him, the day that he had realised that he was attracted to another Alpha. Ironically, it had been Changbin back then, who had uttered the words that had changed Jisung’s world forever. When Jisung had still desperately clung unto the hope that Minho might be an Omega, it had been Changbin who had looked at him with confusion and had said: “I’m pretty sure he’s an Alpha.”

Jisung doubted that he would ever not shudder at the memory of how his heart had begun to race and how his hands had started to tremble. He had been full on panicking back then. Every terrible thing that had ever been said to his face, every insult, every hurtful word… they had all threatened to suffocate him in that moment. Because when Jisung had realised that he was attracted to another Alpha, he had thought that he was proving all of the bullies right. That he was weak, not a real Alpha and utterly and truly worthless.

It had taken him years and years to feel somewhat okay with that part of himself. And even now, he wouldn’t say that he had truly accepted it. The only reason why he was able to be with Minho was that the dancer had always been entirely relentless in his gentle and compassionate support of him.

“Maybe you should talk to Minho,” he mumbled, ashamed for countless reasons ranging from being gay to not being able to confidently own that fact. “I think he has a better grasp on it than I do.”

Changbin nodded pensively. “Maybe,” he mumbled. “But you noticed it first. You were brave enough to point it out to me… I… I hadn’t even considered the possibility before that.”

Jisung swallowed. Great. So he had planted this idea in Changbin’s head. And now the older rapper was likely just confused. If he had never considered it as a possibility, Changbin probably wasn’t into Jeongin like that, right? Jisung suppressed a groan. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I probably just projected.” God, how fucking pathetic could you be?

Changbin made an extremely confused sound that would have been hilarious in any other situation. In that moment, however, it just caused Jisung to wince. He hated himself so much.

“Why are you sorry?” the older asked. “Clearly, I needed someone to say it.” He tilted his head. “Sure, it was a little uh… overwhelming at first. I had to spend that whole day walking around, just to try and get my thoughts in order. And I… I still don’t know exactly where I land.” He nervously licked his lips. “But it’s good that you made me think about it. Don’t apologize for that.”

There was silence for a moment while Jisung began making his ramen again. He was still fighting his dizziness and now he was also fighting tears. He wasn’t even sure why. Whether it was the shame that was overwhelming him, the self-hatred, just the fact that he felt like shit…

Eventually, Changbin sighed once more. “You know,” he began. “I have thought about it a lot over the last couple of days.” He shrugged. “And Jeongin is definitely very hot.” He looked completely unbothered by this discovery, and it just made Jisung feel even more pathetic. How was Changbin so okay with his potential unnatural attraction after just a few days and Jisung still wasn’t able to truly accept it?

The older frowned. “It was very easy to admit to myself that I thought he was cute,” he mumbled. “I mean… I think we’d all agree on that. But I wasn’t sure about actual attraction.” Changbin shook his head. “God, I can’t believe that I am about to admit this.” He chuckled. He fucking chuckled. “I’m such a loser. Do you know what I did? I googled him.” He looked up at Jisung with a bashful grin on his face. “Did you know that Stay make thirst edits of all of us?”

Jisung did indeed know that. He had a few of his favourites saved… for personal reasons. But he wasn’t about to admit that. So, he just nodded.

Changbin shook his head again. “I spent hours watching them,” he mumbled. “Not just Jeongin’s of course. I watched yours too and Minho’s and Felix’s and Chan’s… all of them. And well… Honestly…” He shrugged. “I just have to say that we are one hell of a sexy ass group.”

Jisung couldn’t help it. Despite the hurt and the chaos that were still raging on inside of him, he simply had to huff out a laugh. It was such a ridiculous reaction.

Changbin gave him another shy smile, before his expression turned into a frown again. “Seriously though,” he mumbled. “I… I mean sure, he’s sexy and in a hypothetical ‘fuck, marry, kill’ type of scenario, he definitely would not be the first person to go…” He swallowed. “But I don’t know… It’s… It’s still kind of hard for me to imagine it in real life… Like, yeah. He smells pretty good, better than other Alphas for sure, no offence.”

Jisung rolled his eyes and snorted. “None taken. I know that I smell like shit.”

Changbin laughed at that. “You smell scary as fuck.” He scoffed. “You know that. Don’t pretend that you don’t.” He shook his head. “Honestly! I have no idea how Minho does it. When I’m around you, all I can think about is that you could rip my face off if I got too close.” He laughed again. “Although Hyung is weird. He probably likes that.”

Jisung tried his best to smile. However, something had settled in his stomach at Changbin’s words, something dark and ugly, something that felt suspiciously close to panic. He had always hated his own scent and how harsh it was. It had always felt as if it was mocking him. Because how ridiculous was it, smoke, fire… such a strong Alpha scent for such a pathetic person…

He knew that Minho liked his scent and even that had always struck him as suspicious. And now Changbin told him that he smelled ‘scary’… what a load of bullshit.

Luckily, his Hyung didn’t seem to notice what was going on inside of Jisung. He just continued. “I mean Jeongin’s scent is mostly just… kind of… refreshing? It’s just ginger. But I like ginger?” At this point Jisung wasn’t sure whether the rapper was talking to him or to himself. “I think I like it?” He shook his head. “No. I definitely do.” He sighed. “It’s just… It’s not as inviting as an Omega’s scent, is it? I… What if I freak out the second, he gets close to me? What if I suddenly can’t stand his scent anymore?” By now, Changbin looked downright panicked. “How fucking horrible would it be if I confessed my feelings to him, just to realise that I was wrong?”

Jisung sighed. “You’ll be okay,” he mumbled, the dizziness was threatening to overwhelm him again. “It’s not like you have to mate him right away. You have time to figure that kind of stuff out.”

Changbin nodded. He was clearly trying to calm himself. “How to you do it?” he whispered. “Did you know from the start? I remember that you assumed Hyung was an Omega at first, right? Because his scent is kind of sweet? Although I maintain that it’s mostly just bitter.”

Jisung winced inadvertently. How was he still so uncomfortable talking about this? “Yeah,” he breathed shakily. “I was attracted to his scent from the moment we met, I think. To me it smells… not necessarily sweet but just… perfectly balanced, I guess?” He knew that he probably wouldn’t be admitting this if he wasn’t as dizzy and actually thinking straight. “I was never worried about not liking it.” He looked to his hands. His knuckles were white where he was clinging onto the counter for balance. “Maybe you should really ask Hyung. I bet he had more issues with that.”

“Minho Hyung’s freaky ass?” Changbin huffed. “Never.”

His conviction almost had Jisung giggling. He wasn’t sure why Changbin was so convinced that Minho was a freak, but it was kind of hilarious. Especially, considering how lovingly the Alpha always treated him.

Before he could come up with anything to say in reply to that, Changbin furrowed his brows. “You know what I hate the most about all of this?” he whispered and Jisung shuddered. He really did not want to hear about what Changbin considered the worst thing about being attracted to other Alphas.

But his Hyung just sighed gravely. “I hate that, even if I figure out that I am actually attracted to both of them… that doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything.” He swallowed thickly. “I might just get my heart broken again. Just because I might like them doesn’t mean that they want to be with me. They were happy together. They might not want anything to change.”

Now it was Jisung’s turn to sigh. “You’re gonna have to find out, I guess,” he mumbled. As if it was that easy. “And you’re probably going to have to be extremely patient. All of you are hurting. And they probably haven’t even considered this as an option.”

He grimaced. Because… well… there was another massive puzzle piece that was going to have to fit in this. “Jeongin does find out that he is actually attracted to you as well, that’s going to bring a whole new set of challenges for him and all of you,” he mumbled. He thought about how fucked up it was, that a part of him was now hoping that Jeongin was as unnatural as him.

He tried to remember whether they’re had ever been any signs. Jeongin really loved their muscles, but Jisung was far too dizzy to recall anything else. “If he is,” Jisung mumbled. “He might get insecure about it at first as well… I mean… It’s kind of shameful? Especially with the hierarchy and stuff...”

When he looked up, Jisung expected Changbin to look afraid, maybe hurt, maybe even angry. But the older just frowned. “Hierarchy?” He sounded extremely confused.

Jisung blushed. “Well… yeah,” he mumbled. “With an Alpha and an Omega, it’s always very obvious but when you have two Alphas…”

Changbin laughed. “Are you talking about bottoming? I feel like that might be skipping about 1000 steps ahead.” He shook his head. “I’d be happy if he even just talked to me. We can figure out everything else later.”

Jisung winced. “I didn’t mean that!” He kind of did. Because well… it was undoubtedly part of it. “I just meant… even within the group… Like, obviously Chan is our Pack Alpha, right? And then Minho’s number two. You’re three and then… well, then it would technically be me as the next oldest Alpha but… well… You all know about me and Minho and… and I mean I’m not dumb, I know that you also all assume that I… you know…”

This time, Changbin didn’t laugh. Suddenly, he seemed entirely serious. “Jisung…” he said quietly, almost carefully. “Who convinced you of this?” He looked… honestly? He looked deeply worried. “Does Minho tell you this shit?”

Jisung was extremely confused, but before he could say anything, Changbin continued. “Jisung,” he said, with so much urgency that it had the younger shudder where he stood. “Packs might have had hierarchies, historically speaking, but that doesn’t mean anything to us.” He shook his head. “Chan is our leader, as per his contract with JYPE. But it doesn’t go beyond that. Hell, since he has messed up with Felix, Minho Hyung has put him in his place multiple times, hasn’t he?”

Jisung opened his mouth, but Changbin didn’t wait for a reply. “And just because he did, that doesn’t mean that Minho Hyung is now Pack Alpha or some shit.” He huffed. “It just means that he calls Chan out on his bullshit.” He furrowed his brows. “And you are Minho Hyung’s world.” He said it so solemnly that Jisung almost had no choice but to believe it. “So the notion that you would somehow be below him in any sort of hierarchy… that’s just… it’s just wrong.”

The older looked up, directly into Jisung’s eyes. “And I mean…” he mumbled. “What do I know? If you told me that Minho submits to you all the time, I’d have no way of verifying that? And I would never want to! Honestly? I wouldn’t even be surprised. But I don’t care. That’s between you and him.” He frowned. “I will never respect anyone more or less because of their primary or secondary gender, because of their sexuality, their preferences or because of how dominant or submissive they are. What kind of archaic world view is that?”

He shook his head again. Then, he smirked. “Also… I mean, submitting is kinda hot? Like, Jeongin being all commanding and telling me what to do? Ugh…” He positively moaned. “Or Hyunjin telling both of us what to do?” He shook his head, looking completely and utterly gone. “To each other?”

And just like that, Jisung suddenly felt entirely at ease. He had no idea how Changbin did it, but he had always had an incredible ability to make someone feel comfortable and his antics actually caused Jisung to laugh out loud… despite everything. “Dude, you are gayer than me!” he joked, knowing full well that that was bullshit. He had had a whole knot up his ass before… multiple times before, it didn’t get much gayer than that.

But Changbin just shrugged and grinned. “After the revelation I have had a few days ago?” he asked. “Very possible.”

***

However, instead of spending his days wallowing in self-pity and self-hatred like Jisung undoubtedly would have in his place, Changbin took this new development in stride. Just a few days later, the night before Hyunjin was scheduled to return from his heat, Jisung was laying on his bed.

Felix and Minho had a late dance practice together and he had been waiting for both of them to come home for a few hours now. His dizziness was bad again, but what else was new? He just hoped that Felix would be exhausted enough to simply slip into bed with him and not notice anything before he fell asleep and that that would keep Minho far away enough not to notice anything either.

Jeongin was staring at his phone on the other side of their room. He still wasn’t talking to anyone. Not even Jisung. But he also still hadn’t tried to go out and get drunk. It was almost as if he had given up on everything. It hurt Jisung to his core to see him like that. He wished that he knew how to help their Maknae.

Since Jeongin still wasn’t talking to anyone, any attempts by Jisung to have a conversation about Changbin or Hyunjin or even just his general state of mind had been in vain. Maybe, if Jisung had just been a little healthier, he could have gotten through to him. But in his current state, he could barely muster up the energy to ask the younger how he was feeling.

He was torn from his thoughts when someone knocked on their door. Jisung sighed. He knew that this finally had to be Felix or Minho or both and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for either of them. However, when Jisung had mumbled something along the lines of ‘come in’, it wasn’t either of the dancers who walked inside. It was Changbin.

Jisung couldn’t help but gape at the Alpha in the door. What the actual hell? Was the rapper insane? What had ridden him to go get Jisung while he was in a room with Jeongin?! If he wanted to talk, he could have just texted him! Jisung swallowed. Maybe Changbin had thought that their Maknae was out? Maybe he had figured that he would be at the dance practice as well? Whatever it was, Jisung needed to get him out of this room – and quickly.

However, before he could even just get up, the rapper had already turned around… so that he was facing Jeongin. Oh. “Hi,” he mumbled and Jisung’s jaw dropped when their Maknae looked up and his expression went from surprised, to shocked, to confused, to angry in a matter of seconds. Changbin didn’t seem deterred.

“I was wondering whether we could talk,” he just asked quietly. He had his hands folded in front of himself and had drawn his shoulders up. It struck Jisung that he was trying to make himself seem as unintimidating as possible. And maybe that was smart. He was pretty sure that his two bandmates hadn’t even been in the same room since their fight and he knew for a fact, that Changbin wasn’t interested in starting another one.

Oh shit. Reality hit Jisung like a wall. Was Changbin going to just fucking confess? Was that his plan? Could he be that fucking insane?

Jisung waited with bated breath for a response by the younger. So far, no one had been able to get Jeongin to talk at all. But none of them had been able to make him stop the excessive drinking either and Changbin had already successfully done that.

Jeongin scoffed. “I won’t leave this fucking room,” he hissed. And when he looked over and met Jisung’s eyes, he added: “And neither will Jisung. You can tell me what you feel like you need to tell me and leave again.” There was so much venom in his voice that it made Jisung shiver. And yet… he had talked.

Changbin nodded. He slowly made his way a little closer to Jeongin but soon sat down on the floor in the middle of their room. It was clear that he was trying to be as mindful as he could about not intruding on Jeongin’s space. It was so different from his usual loud and extroverted behaviour that it was positively jarring.

Jeongin groaned. “If you came here to lecture me, you can fucking leave again,” he hissed and Jisung winced at how defensive he was. He knew all too well how it was to feel cornered. And to him, it was so obvious that Jeongin thought he was trapped. 

Changbin on the other hand just shook his head. “I didn’t come here for any of that,” he mumbled. “I… I came to apologize.” He swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands “I am so sorry about how I acted towards you and Hyunjin. I…” He bit his lips and paused, seemingly to collect himself. Jeongin looked at him with as much disbelief as Jisung felt, if not more.

Changbin just continued. “I was feeling extremely insecure because you are everything that I am not and… Honestly, the last months have been extremely confusing for me.”

Changbin looked up and directly met Jeongin’s eyes. “I… I mean,” he stammered. “I mean it’s obvious that we both love the same man.” He looked down again. “I… I don’t think that we really need to address that. I know that you love him, and you know that I still do, too.” Jisung watched how Jeongin swallowed thickly.

“But I…” Changbin quietly went on. “I recently realised or… well… it was actually Jisung who made me connect the dots. But I… I don’t want to take your place. I… When I see you two together, I want you to be happy together, I just… It just hurts that I can’t be a part of that.”

“What… what do you mean?” Jeongin’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but it was the first time in what was probably weeks that Jisung had heard it completely devoid of malice.

Changbin shook his head again. “I am honestly not entirely sure myself yet.” It was a quiet admission, but Jisung could tell that it was an honest one. “I just… I felt like I needed to tell you. I… I want you to know that am happy that you love Hyunjin and that Hyunjin loves you before he comes back.”

There was silence for a while, as Jeongin desperately searched Changbin’s features for something. Jisung couldn’t tell whether he had found it when he said: “I think I still need space. From both you and Hyunjin.”

The sound of his quiet voice alone was enough to make goosebumps erupt all over Jisung’s skin. Somehow, their Maknae already sounded much calmer, much more at peace than during the last few weeks. There was an assuredness in his tone that hadn’t been there in a long time.

Changbin nodded. “That is more than understandable.” He sounded equally as calm.

Jeongin let a hand run through his hair. “I am grateful that you came to me,” he whispered. “You…” He swallowed. “This is going to sound extremely pathetic… but does this mean that you don’t hate me?”

Suddenly Jisung was reminded of how distraught both Changbin and Jeongin had always been at the notion that the other could hate them. He remembered listening to Minho take care of Jeongin when he had come home drunk the night before their flights to Japan, how perplexed he had been when he had heard the younger sob: “Changbin-Hyung hates me.”

He remembered Changbin standing in that music show bathroom with Jisung and admitting in the smallest of voices: “I want to take care of him too.” He remembered how Changbin and Jeongin had shouted at each other just a few days ago when Jeongin had wanted to go get drunk again. He remembered the “Don’t pretend as if you care about me!” just as well as the “Of course I care about you.” and the “I hate you so much.”

God, Jisung was so endlessly glad that Changbin was now brave enough to seek out these kinds of conversations, that his bandmates had actually talked, even if there was still so much that remained unsaid.

Changbin swallowed and when he shook his head, he looked as if he was actively fighting tears. “I could never hate you,” he breathed. “Never.”

Jeongin nodded. “I could never hate you either, Hyung,” he whispered. “I am so sorry that I said that.”

***

When Minho and Felix did finally return that night, it was the Alpha who found Jisung still laying on his bed and staring blankly at the ceiling. The rapper was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the dancer at first. He was still grappling with what had just gone down between Changbin and Jeongin, that they had actually talked, that Changbin had told their Maknae that he liked seeing him and Hyunjin happy together… He wondered what implications that conversation could have for the two, if any at all, how Hyunjin coming back would affect the dynamics between them…

He yelped when someone plopped himself down on top of him. It took him less than a heartbeat to realize that it was Minho. And, despite everything, Jisung couldn’t help but giggle at the action. “You’re going to crush me!” he whined and tried to get Minho off of him. It was of course useless. If Minho didn’t want to be moved, no one was moving him.

Jisung couldn’t stop himself from letting out a small gasp when Minho started softly scenting him. He felt bad for Jeongin, who was still in the room with them, but couldn’t bring himself to ask the older to stop. It just felt so endlessly good to be close to Minho like this… especially when they hadn’t really been in a while.

“Felix is going out tonight,” the older mumbled into Jisung’s ear. His voice was deep and low and had goosebumps erupt all over Jisung’s skin. “And Chan is in the studio.” He pressed a kiss to Jisung’s neck. “With Hyunjin still away, we can have my room all to ourselves.”

Jisung couldn’t help but shudder. He truly did want to spend a date night with Minho. He wanted it so much. And maybe he would even be able to distract Minho enough for him not to mention anything about Jisung’s recent behaviour. God, how good would it feel to finally truly be with Minho again, even if only for one evening?

He wished he could just let himself be that selfish. But he was far too worried. “Where is Felix going?” he asked quietly.

When they had gotten up that morning, the Omega hadn’t had any plans for the evening yet and nothing about his behaviour had indicated that he had been particularly inclined to make some. Jisung swallowed. He really, really hoped that Minho hadn’t pushed him to get out of the way. Not that Jisung thought that the dancer would do that… but still.

“I don’t know,” Minho unhelpfully supplied, not exactly helping his case. “Out.”

Jisung rolled his eyes. He was already starting to get annoyed. “Thanks, Hyung,” he mumbled. “That was extremely informative.”

Minho rolled off of him and shrugged. “I genuinely don’t know,” he said easily. “He didn’t tell me much, just that he was heading out to go to some bar with a bunch of people.” One of his hands crept down Jisung’s back and made its way to his bum to squeeze playfully. “Felix is a big boy.” The older Alpha winked. It was obvious that he thought he was being funny. “He’ll be fine.”

Jisung huffed and pushed Minho’s hands off of him. “He’s a big boy who just got his heart torn to pieces a few days ago. God!” Suddenly, he was angry. “Why do all of you seem to think that Felix can take it all, huh?” He pushed himself up, despite knowing that the action would just make him dizzy again. “Yes, he is strong,” he hissed. “But hell! What’s the saying? It doesn’t mean that it’s not heavy just because he carries it well!”

He got up and somehow managed to actually stand on legs that felt like jelly. “I’ll talk to him. And I will decide whether it’s okay to let him go alone or whether I should go with him.”

When he looked down at his bed, Jisung felt his heart clench. Minho looked like a kicked puppy and Jisung hated it. He knew that the dancer had come in there, probably positively giddy at the prospect of finally being able to spend a date night with Jisung, and here he was, getting yelled at instead.

It was obvious that he was hurt as he looked down at his hands and whispered: “I’m sorry.” He paused to swallow. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have just assumed that Felix would be okay. He has had it extremely tough over the last few days.” He sighed and shook his head. “I think I was just so excited that we’d finally get to spend some time together again that I didn’t stop to think about anything else. But that’s not an excuse. I should have done better. I… sorry.”

The older’s pain made Jisung’s entire body hurt. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m sorry too. I blew up in your face even though I am still mostly angry at Chan.” And because I feel like absolute shit, and I am fucking terrified of what will happen when my body eventually gives out on me. He didn’t say that last part out loud. “I would love to spend this evening with you. But I have to make sure that he is okay first.”

Minho nodded. He scooted to the edge of Jisung’s mattress and slightly tilted his head upwards, clearly hoping to get at least a quick kiss. And, normally, Jisung would have indulged him. He knew that they desperately needed this type of simple but reassuring affection. However, his vision had started to swim again, and he knew that it would get worse if he bent down. So, he pretended as if he hadn’t noticed Minho’s silent request and just smiled at the older instead. “I’ll talk to him now,” he whispered and then… then he simply left.

Jisung had fully intended on heading straight to Felix’s room to talk to him. His condition had never been worse than it was that evening, and he knew that he would have to lay down and rest soon if he didn’t want to spend the night in an ER.

However, the world was spinning so much again, that it was hard for him to even just walk, and he had barely been able to make it to the kitchen and brace himself on a counter for balance, before Seungmin intercepted him.

“Felix is going on a date.” It was incredibly disorienting. To Jisung, the singer’s voice sounded as if it came from underwater. Muffled and far away. It was a horrible feeling.

“Oh.” It was the only reaction that he could provide in that moment. The words hadn’t even truly registered in his brain yet. He was so dizzy, so weak, that he wondered whether he would just collapse in the kitchen.

The thought terrified him. Not only because that would absolutely land him in a hospital, but also because Minho would fucking hate him for not saying anything. And he would be right to. If Minho had hidden something like this from Jisung for months and months, he would feel endlessly hurt as well. Suddenly, Jisung wanted to run and tell him. He also wanted to cry.

Seungmin didn’t seem to notice or maybe he knew not to ask. He just sighed. “You should talk to Chan,” he mumbled. “Someone needs to tell him. Someone needs to make sure that he is okay when he finds out.”

Those words finally tore through the fog that had settled in Jisung’s brain. Fuck. Felix was going on a date?! Tonight? But with who? Shit. Seungmin was right. Chan would be absolutely destroyed. Jisung swallowed. He did not know whether he was strong enough that evening to be the one who talked to their leader.

“Why don’t you talk to Chan?” he asked pathetically, still swaying where he stood. He wondered whether he could get Minho to go to the studio instead of himself. But then how would he explain that to him? Because if he told the older that it was because he was so weak that he feared he might collapse on the way, there was no chance that the Alpha was going to leave him. Maybe Changbin could go?

Seungmin sighed. “You’re way closer to him,” he reasoned. “And you’re way better at these kinds of conversations.”

Jisung’s vision began to blacken at the edges. Shit. This was getting way too serious, way too fast. “I wouldn’t say that,” he mumbled and tried to escape the conversation by taking a step towards Felix’s room.

It didn’t go well. Had Seungmin not been there to catch him, Jisung would have fallen flat on his face and probably lost a couple of teeth to their kitchen tiles. “What the fuck?” Seungmin sounded nothing short of alarmed. “Jisung! This is fucking dangerous!”

The rapper whined. He felt like absolute shit. He was nauseous, he was shaking, his legs felt like jelly, and he just wanted to cry. “I’m fine,” he knew that his insistence would land on deaf ears.

Seungmin didn’t even dignify his words with a reply. He just groaned as he maneuvered Jisung to sit on the floor. He looked at him for a moment, probably to make sure that he could hold himself up in a seated position, and then grabbed a glass of water as well as some sweets from their fridge. “Drink something,” he mumbled. “And have some sugar. It should get you stable enough to be able to push through until the ambulance arrives.” He shook his head. “Stay here. I’ll call them and get Minho Hyung.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Jisung immediately went into full on panic mode. Ambulance? Minho Hyung? No. No no no no no. “Please Seungmin!” he begged. “Don’t. I… I just needed some sugar. I already feel much better. Look.” He moved to get up, but the singer immediately pushed him down again.

“Jisung, you are killing yourself!” Seungmin almost sounded as if he was close to tears. “You need to have your rut. This is hurting you.”

Jisung winced. “Could you keep it down?” he hissed. His vision had cleared up considerably and he had stop shaking uncontrollably. He needed to get to Felix. After he had talked to him and made sure that he was safe, he would go back to Minho and tell him that he didn’t feel too well. And then he would fall asleep in his Hyung’s arms. That was all he would be able to handle that night.

The last thing he needed was for a hysterical Minho to come running into the kitchen and demand answers. “I had my cycle,” he insisted. “I did it in my free time, just like you did.”

Seungmin didn’t look impressed in the slightest. “That’s a lie,” he said simply. “Jisung…” His voice was nothing short of desperate. “Please? I’m sure we can find a solution.”

When Jisung didn’t react beyond rolling his eyes, the singer pressed on. “Why are you so reluctant?” he asked pleadingly, searching all over the rapper’s features for some kind of answer. “Are you scared of Minho? Is that what it is?” He swallowed. “Are you scared to spend it with him? Afraid of telling him that you want to spend it alone? That’s okay, you know that, right? I’ll go with you when you tell him if that makes you feel better.”

His words had anger bubble up in Jisung’s chest again. None of this was Minho’s fault. Not in the slightest. It was all him. He was being the stupid one. “Stop fussing!” he spat and scrambled to finally get back to his feet. “And don’t you dare call an ambulance or talk to Hyung! You don’t know anything!” And, without another word, he ran towards Felix’s room.

***

Jisung still felt weak kneed when he arrived at Felix’s door. However, he was determined to ignore that. He just needed to get through this conversation with Felix and then he could get Minho to hold him while he fell asleep and finally caught a break from his own fucking body.

“Knock, knock,” he made sheepishly as he pushed open the familiar door. Felix turned around to smile softly at him. He was sitting cross legged in front of a mirror and was doing his make-up. Twice was playing in the background. If Jisung hadn’t known any better, he would have said that everything was normal.

“Hi,” he made and let himself plop down on Felix’s bed with a groan. It was still strange to him that this wasn’t Minho’s room anymore, that both him and Hyunjin had moved and that Changbin was now sleeping in the top bunk while Felix was where Minho had once been. “Hyung says that you’re going out?”

A faint blush painted Felix’s cheeks and for a moment Jisung wondered whether he would lie to him. But then the Omega sat up and mumbled: “I am actually going on a date.”

Jisung didn’t know how he would have reacted, had he found out in that moment. If Seungmin hadn’t already told him what to expect. Maybe, if he hadn’t been quite as dizzy, when he had gotten the news, he would have been more alarmed. Now, he had been able to plan his response. “Good for you.”

Felix raised a sceptical brow. “Is it?” They both knew that it wasn’t that easy, they both knew that this was much bigger than Felix simply going on a date.

Still, Jisung tried to play it cool. “Yeah,” he mumbled and shrugged. “He treated you badly. No matter what his intentions were, you don’t need to and, frankly, you should not accept that.”

Felix swallowed. Jisung had known that he would feel bad about this. It was why he had decided that he would be nothing but supportive, even if he did think that this was maybe going to bring more chaos than it was worth. Chan had made the mistakes. Felix had suffered enough.

“It’s the guy that we were dancing with today,” the Omega mumbled eventually. “He’s from the States. He… He’s nice. He complimented my dancing, and we talked a bit about how disorienting it is to start a new life abroad. He wasn’t pushy or made me uncomfortable in any way. When he asked me out and I didn’t respond right away, he backed off immediately.” He shook his head. “We’re going to a karaoke place with his sister and a few of her friends.”

Jisung shrugged. “Sounds good. Send me your location so I know where you are. But you deserve to have some fun.”

Felix sighed and Jisung knew him well enough to understand that he didn’t truly believe him. But he also knew that nothing he could say would change that. So, they simply remained silent for a while, as Felix focused solely on applying eyeliner and then mascara.

Eventually, however, the Omega swallowed and before he could even open his mouth, Jisung knew what was coming. “Can you… can you do me a favour and… and check on Channie-Hyung?” Felix’s voice was not much more than a whisper. “I’m… I’m sure that he will find out and… and I’m worried about him.”

Jisung had to swallow down the guttural groan that he would have liked to let out at that. He knew that he should probably say no, that he should tell Felix that he wasn’t feeling well and that he should ask Changbin or Seungmin or Minho instead.

But Jisung could also tell how hard it had been for Felix to even just utter those words, to admit that he was still worried about Chan after all that had happened, even if it was just Jisung he was admitting it to. And so, he nodded. “Of course.”

Just an hour later, he was walking through the familiar corridor towards their studio. He had almost burst into tears when he had told Minho where he was going and had practically begged him to wait up for him. He felt so weak and so, so endlessly alone in his dizziness that he had been sure that he wouldn’t be able to bear to go to sleep alone that night.

Of course Minho had offered to go with him, but Jisung had told him that he needed to go alone, that this was a conversation that had had to happen between just him and Chan. And so, the Alpha had only walked him downstairs and waited with him in the rain, until the car that Jisung had ordered to take him to JYPE had arrived, and they had hugged each other goodbye.

Jisung knew that Minho could tell that something was going on and he was certain that, hadn’t it been for the fight they had had earlier that evening, Minho would have long confronted him about it. He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hide this for much longer.

And, now, that he was in the familiar building, he wished that he hadn’t told Minho to stay behind. He was so dizzy that he had to brace himself against the wall, just to be able to put one foot in front of the other. He was going to have to lie down as soon as he was done talking to Chan. Maybe he could sneak into a practice room… maybe even just a utility closet would do… He sighed. Because first, he would have to get through this.

He wasn’t surprised when he found Chan full on sobbing behind his desk. He had no idea how their leader had found out about the date, but that also wasn’t important, not in that moment. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was that Jisung needed to finally talk some fucking sense into the Alpha.

As soon as Chan realised that he wasn’t alone, he wiped his tears and put on a pathetic excuse for a smile. It made Jisung want to roll his eyes into the back of his head. “How fucking stupid are you?” he hadn’t meant to be this blunt, but the world was still spinning around him, his head was pounding, and he just couldn’t take it anymore. “You have hurt him so much, Hyung. He loves you endlessly and all you did was not make him a priority.”

Chan sobbed again. “I know,” he whimpered. “And I hate myself for it. He deserves to be somebody’s world. You have no idea how much I despise myself for not being able to give him that.”

Jisung groaned. “And why can’t you?” he asked, annoyance still clear in his tone. “No one is stopping you from doing that.” Jisung braced himself on a nearby cupboard. He was rapidly getting dizzier than he had ever been.

Meanwhile, Chan outright howled. “I can’t do something that might hurt Stray Kids,” he sobbed. “I can’t give him preferential treatment, I……”

Jisung didn’t even let him finish. “What the actual fuck?” he hissed. The world was spinning faster and faster around him. He knew that he probably didn’t have a lot of time before he would either throw up or full-on collapse.  “You can’t give Felix preferential treatment because that might hurt Stray Kids?! Are you listening to yourself?!” He genuinely could not believe what he was hearing.

Chan winced. “He’s so important to the group,” he whimpered. “I can’t take him away from you all. I…”

The Alpha looked incredibly hurt, but Jisung couldn’t bring himself to feel pity. “Were you planning on locking him away in a tower?” he just spat at the older. “We can still be his fucking friends even if you guys are in a relationship, you know that, right? And if you don’t think we can… oh boy… then we have an entirely different set of problems.”

More tears made their way down Chan’s cheeks. “It’s not like that,” he whispered. “You know that I don’t think that way, it’s just…”

“Nothing just!” Jisung was practically shouting by now. “Everyone already treats him as if he’s yours. We have for years.” He scoffed as memories flooded his mind.

“Remember the first time Minho came to a group dance practice of ours? When we danced to ‘Blood, Sweat and Tears’? How he put himself between you and me after we danced with Felix? That was because he thought he was your Omega and was scared that we had overstepped!” Jisung coughed. Breathing was getting harder. Shit. That was new.

“Remember what Changbin said when he was told that he would share a room with you and Felix? How he told Felix that he wouldn’t have a problem living with him if ‘his guard dog’ would only stop glaring? Any idea what he could have meant by that?”

Jisung had to stop to catch his breath. His heart was hammering in his chest. This was getting really scary, really fast. “To us, it didn’t matter that you didn’t put a label on your relationship in that regard because we had fucking eyes. We treated him as yours even if he maybe technically wasn’t. Just like you treated Hyunjin as Bin’s, despite how they never officially dated. Hell, just like you treated me like I was Hyung’s before I ever actually was.” He shook his head. “Back then, it didn’t matter how much I tried to deny that something was going on between Hyung and me, it was just the reality, and eventually I had to face it. So get your head out of your ass and face this too!”

Jisung swallowed and he closed his eyes to calm himself a bit. “Can’t you see that you’re not helping the group by not prioritizing Felix?” he said more quietly. “You’re destroying it, Hyung.”

Chan sobbed and let his forehead drop on the table. “It’s too late now.”

Jisung clicked his tongue. The edges of his vision were starting to blacken again. “It might be,” he said. “But I know that you love him. I can see how much you are hurting. So why aren’t you currently on your knees doing your absolute best to somehow make up for all the times you fucked up.” Jisung swallowed. He knew that he was about to faint. “This isn’t just about the heat, Hyung. You didn’t call him at all, when Jeongin presented. You never made him your official boyfriend. If you want any chance of maybe somehow getting him back eventually, start by reflecting on how fucked up your behaviour has been at times, and then start doing better.” He opened his mouth to say more. But before he could, the world went dark, and he collapsed where he stood.

Chapter Text

Jisung knew that he was in the hospital as soon as he woke up. He hadn’t even opened his eyes yet, but the biting scent of hand sanitizer and disinfectant was unmistakable. He immediately felt like crying. Of course it had only been a matter of time until this happened… but that didn’t mean that he was any less terrified. He didn’t want to have to go through his rut. And he did not want to deal with the consequences of having hidden this from his band, his closest friends and well… Minho.

His body felt as if it weighed three times as much as it usually did, and sensation was only slowly returning to him. He could wiggle his toes. He could swallow. And… he could feel that someone was holding his hand. For the briefest of moments Jisung allowed himself the hope that it was Felix.

In his fantasy Chan had called the Omega as soon as Jisung had collapsed, and Felix had immediately taken over caring for him. Jisung imagined how Felix would have told everyone else to stay away, to give Jisung space to sort himself out… In Jisung’s dream world, Felix would have told everyone that Jisung would need a few days to be ready to talk to them and that it wouldn’t be good for him to immediately be confronted with it all.

However, when he finally managed to peel open his eyelids and blink into the light, he found himself looking directly into the familiar soft brown… of Minho’s eyes. His heart sank. He was not ready for this. Not in the slightest.

“Baby…” The dancer’s voice sounded choked up and raw. His eyes were blood shot. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days… It made it all even worse. How could Jisung tell him that he didn’t mean to lie to him? That he had hated every day when he had hidden this from him? That he had just been so, so, so scared? He wanted to let the older know that he had planned on telling him, that this didn’t mean that he didn’t trust him… but that he could of course understand if Minho had trouble trusting him now. And yet, despite his brain running at what felt like a million miles per hour, his voice failed him. “I’m so sorry.” It was the only thing that he managed to breathe.

Minho just shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “Don’t apologize, Baby. Not now. I’m…” His voice broke. “I’m just so glad that you’re back. I was… I was terrified. What…” He had to pause and shook his head. “What would I have done without you?” He turned around and before Jisung could stop him, he pressed a call button.

Jisung was already overwhelmed. He was still grappling with the fact that he had collapsed and had woken up in a hospital and that Minho was there… when a nurse was already shuffling into the room. “Good afternoon, Mr. Han,” she said as brightly as the sun itself. “Good to see you up and smiling.”

It was a lie. Jisung wasn’t smiling at all. He was panicking. As soon as the small woman had walked in, he had instinctively tried to jerk his hand away and out of Minho’s grasp. But the older had kept holding onto it. And now she could see them and Jisung… Jisung felt naked and exposed.

It had taken him so long until he had finally felt somewhat comfortable with being affectionate with Minho around the other members of Stray Kids. Hell, sometimes he still felt ashamed when they curled up on the sofa together or when Minho back hugged him in the kitchen of their dorm.

This nurse… She was a complete stranger to both of them. Jisung didn’t have a single reason to trust her. And yet, here Minho was, carelessly exposing Jisung’s deepest, most shameful secret to her. It felt as if he was betraying his trust. And Jisung absolutely hated that feeling.

He barely even registered that the nurse was asking him some general questions about how he was feeling, not even that he was replying to them. He was numb. Numb and panicked. And it only got worse when Minho started to ask follow-up questions, and the nurse happily answered them. Apparently, they were on first name basis. Apparently, it was entirely normal for them to talk about Jisung as if he was… well, Minho’s partner.

As soon as she had left the room, Jisung turned to the older. “Did you tell her about us?” he hissed, downright angry with the dancer.

Minho tilted his head. “Of course,” he said softly. “As long as you were out, they needed someone to talk to and to make decisions. Your parents told them that I have their consent to do all of that.”

Jisung’s jaw dropped. “My parents?” This only kept getting worse and worse.

Minho swallowed. He looked more than concerned. “I’m not your mate, Baby,” he whispered, as if that was the part Jisung was confused about. “I wouldn’t have the authority to even just know anything or be here if your parents hadn’t given me their consent.”

Jisung closed his eyes and really, really hoped that he would just wake up, that this would just all turn out to be a terrible nightmare. His parents had been informed. They had probably even talked to Minho. To Minho, who seemed to suddenly have forgotten all about how he had sworn to respect Jisung’s wishes and how he had promised that Jisung could tell everyone about him and them at his own pace.

He really, really hoped that Minho had not implied anything beyond friendship between them to his parents. What if they found out about them… about him over this? What if they would never ever speak to him again? What if he lost them? His throat closed up and his chest got tight even just at the thought. He knew that he wouldn’t survive that.

Jisung had had no idea just how vulnerable it felt to have been unconscious for who knows how long while everyone had just seemingly started to make decisions on his behalf and completely expose him way beyond what he was comfortable with…

He flinched when the door got opened again and a doctor came marching in. “Hello Mr. Han,” he said and took a clipboard from the nurse who had checked on Jisung before. “Good news is that we were able to stabilize you for now. You’re officially out of imminent danger.”

Next to Jisung, Minho let out a sound that was something between a sigh and a sob. The doctor just carried on. “But I assume that you know how you got here?”

Jisung shook his head. Of course he knew. He just didn’t want to say it.

“You need to have your rut.” The doctor said it as if it was no big deal. As if it wasn’t the worst thing Jisung could possibly imagine.

“I… I can’t…” he breathed, and he hated how much his voice was trembling.

The doctor just shook his head. “You can,” he said simply. “And you will. I know that there are many rumours out there to the contrary, but spending your rut with another Alpha is possible and, in your case, even advised. With all of the information that we were able to gather, we don’t expect you to pose a danger to Mr. Lee. Plus, there are ways to prepare for a worst-case scenario in case that is what is holding you back from going ahead with it.”

He sighed. “You could of course still also just spend it alone. But with the bond between you two that’s clearly close to a mating bond.” He nodded to Minho. “We would normally recommend spending it together.” He took a piece of paper and started scribbling something. “I will make sure that you get at least two sessions with our psychology team to assess how to best combat and accommodate those fears and worries that you’re having. One session together with Mr. Lee and one without him, if that suits you.”

He gave the piece of paper to the nurse and looked back down at Jisung. “I am sorry Mr. Han, I know that this is probably all still extremely overwhelming to you.” He smiled sympathetically before huffing and adding: “But I won’t prescribe you a single box of suppressants until you have had your cycle.” And with that, he and the nurse left again.

Jisung wanted nothing more than to just burst into tears. All of this was happening way too fast for him, and he was struggling to keep up. Plus, he felt so dirty. So broken. So pathetic. ‘Spending your rut with another Alpha is possible and, in your case, even advised’… in your case… he was so fucked up that it was medically advised for him to get fucked through a rut. He was so disgusted with himself.

Minho misinterpreted his tortured look as worry. Instead of finally dropping Jisung’s hand and leaving him the fuck alone, he clutched it with both hands. “We can do this together,” he said softly. “There is no need for you to be afraid. I trust you completely. I…”

But Jisung interrupted him. “I’m not going to have my rut.”

His words seemed to positively shock the older. “But you need… The doctor said…”

Jisung just scoffed. “I don’t care what he said. If he thinks that I am going to have you bend me over and knot me while I am in fucking rut, he is thoroughly mistaken.” He shook his head. “Not even I am that pathetic.” He knew that he sounded harsh, that he was being unreasonable to say the least. He knew that he was reverting back to old ways, saying things that he didn’t mean to defend himself to no end…

And he knew that Minho knew it too. Still, his words seemed to make the older downright angry. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just let me take care of you!” He looked absolutely desperate. “I can give you what you need!”

Jisung turned away from him. “You can leave,” he said dryly. “That’s what you can do.”

***

Jisung should have learned. Hadn’t it always been like this? Hadn’t it always been that whenever he had thought that it couldn’t get worse, life had thrown a boatload of shit at him? Hadn’t it always been that whenever he had been convinced that he couldn’t possibly hate himself any more, he had done something that made him want to fucking throw up? Hadn’t it always been that whenever he had hit rock bottom, he had found a shovel and started to dig?

This was a new low, even for him. He had lied to the people that were closest to him, to the only real friends he had ever had… for months. He had hidden the truth from them until he had fucking collapsed and not been able to hide it anymore. Hell, even the fact that he had collapsed in the first place, that he had let it get that bad, that he had been so fucking unable to sort out his own problems… It all made him sick to his stomach.

And to make matters worse, he had now sent Minho out of the room. A room that the dancer probably hadn’t left since Jisung had ended up there. Because Jisung knew the older Alpha, he knew that he had probably stayed by his side this entire time. And what had Jisung done? Had he kissed him and thanked Minho for being with him through all of this, even when Jisung had lied to him for so long? Had he told the older that he loved him and was endlessly grateful for his presence?

No. He had pushed him away. He had pushed him away because he was scared. Because of course he had. Because he was Han Jisung and that was what he did. Ugh. How fucking pathetic could one person possibly be? He stared at the ceiling as if it was at fault for all of this. He couldn’t even cry. He felt as if he didn’t deserve to.

Someone knocked. And Jisung hated that just from the sound alone he could tell that it wasn’t Minho. He hated that he was sure because after all this time he knew the older inside and out. He hated that, by now, he would have recognized Minho’s scent everywhere, he would have been able to pick out his lips out of a million… and he knew how the older knocked.

“Yeah?” His voice was hoarse and ugly, and it just made Jisung feel even worse. He really, really hoped that this wasn’t the psychology team that the doctor had mentioned. He was absolutely not in a state to relive his trauma in that moment.

The door slowly opened and… and Jisung’s eyes widened. He had been right. It wasn’t Minho. But it also wasn’t someone from the psychology team, it wasn’t a nurse, or a doctor, or even just someone who brought some food… It was Seungmin.

“May I come in?” The singer sounded so casual that it had Jisung’s head spinning. He had literally just woken up from a coma and according to the doctors, he had been in a pretty bad state when he had come in…  Still, here was Seungmin, just casually strolling by as if he was visiting Jisung in the studio not a fucking hospital! What the fuck?

“Uh…” Jisung said dumbly and had to positively force his jaw not to drop. “Sure?”

His eyes followed the singer as he sheepishly made his way inside. He had no idea what was going on. What was Seungmin even doing in his room? Had Minho told him to come?

The singer looked around. “Where’s Hyung?” Or maybe not. Jisung was so fucking confused.

Seungmin raised a brow. He pulled out the chair that Minho had been sitting on for what Jisung could only assume had been hours and dragged it to the foot of his bed. He opened his mouth, presumably to repeat his question… or say something even worse, but Jisung was quicker. He sighed. “Don’t ask,” he mumbled and looked to his hands.

He knew that Seungmin would try to pry more information out of him if he got the chance. He knew that the singer cared too much to just let that slide… even if he probably knew very well that Jisung did not want to talk about it. Still, the rapper decided that it was worth to at least attempt to change the subject. “How is everyone?”

Miraculously, it worked. Seungmin huffed. “Worried as fuck?” he offered and… yeah okay, that made sense.

Jisung swallowed thickly as he tried his absolute best to ignore the singer’s accusatory undertone. “Did Hyunjin get home okay?”

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “Obviously,” he mumbled. “Why would he not have gotten home okay? It was a regularly scheduled heat. He’s fine.”

Jisung swallowed again. Right. Normal people didn’t end up in the hospital because of their cycle. Normal people weren’t broken like him.

He hated how all-consuming his own fear had become. He hated that he wasn’t just scared of having his own rut anymore, but that it had become his instinct to be worried for the people he cared about when they had to go through their cycle as well. He hated that he genuinely tended to forget that, for most people, having their rut or heat was just a slightly annoying and inconvenient but totally normal part of each and every year.

Jisung felt sick to his stomach again… and so, once more, he tried to change the subject. “How are Changbin and Jeongin?”

Seungmin shrugged. “Not talking but not fighting either.” He frowned. “They are both keeping their distance from Hyunjin. But that’s probably for the best.” He looked at Jisung and let out a deep sigh. “The Omegas are holed up in Felix’s bed right now. They… I think they feel very guilty for not having noticed what you were going through…”

Jisung nodded mechanically. He hated that. But he also wasn’t surprised by it. He was simply such a fuck-up. “How… how is Chan?”

Seungmin clicked his tongue. “He’s being Chan-Hyung,” he said and rolled his eyes once more. “He’s focused on nothing but you. It’s driving him crazy that Hyung said that he isn’t allowed to visit unless you explicitly want it.”

Jisung’s eyes widened again. “Minho-Hyung said that?”

Seungmin shrugged once more. “I think it was the right call. You know how Channie-Hyung can be… and he fucked up enough recently. Minho-Hyung probably just wanted to protect you.” His words caused a shiver to run down Jisung’s spine. He felt so endlessly bad for what he had said to the dancer. He knew that Minho had probably done so much for him while he was out, and he had repaid him by making him leave…

“You were surprised that he wasn’t here, right?” It was a dumb question. Luckily, Seungmin didn’t treat it as such. He just frowned.

“Well, yeah.” The singer shook his head. “Did you fight? Was this about… you know…” He paused and then apparently decided to switch gears. “Did you talk to your doctor yet? What did he say?”

Now it was Jisung’s turn to huff. “You know what he said.”  Seungmin had been the first person to figure out what was going on with Jisung. Hell, he had almost sent him to the hospital himself. He didn’t need an explanation. So, he wouldn’t get one.

The singer swallowed thickly. He looked… almost tortured. Jisung already knew that he wasn’t going to like whatever his bandmate was about to tell him. “Please don’t jump at me for saying this okay?” Seungmin’s shoulders slumped.  “When I… When I first started noticing uh… you know, this about you,” he began hesitantly. “I… I researched people who don’t want to have their cycles a little bit. Not to pry or anything just to uh… to see if there was anything I could do to help.”

He sounded so insecure as he said this, and it made Jisung almost want to howl. Apparently, Seungmin, a member that he wasn’t that close with, hadn’t just noticed that Jisung was taking suppressants for far longer than what was healthy… he also fucking sat down and researched what he could do to help him! What the fuck had Jisung ever done to deserve to have people like that around him?

Seungmin just continued. “There… there is something called dysphoria…” he mumbled. “It’s uh… Or let me ask you like this. Is… Is a rut difficult for you because you… you now… because you would rather have a heat?”

Jisung’s jaw dropped and Seungmin immediately hurried to add: “If the answer is yes, that’s totally okay. You know that right? It’s a bit tricky to get the right people and appointments and stuff but there is something called ‘gender affirming care’ and I’m sure we can figure it out and we’d all support you.” He let his voice trail off and looked down at his hands.

Normally, Jisung would have flipped at the suggestion. He absolutely hated it when someone insinuated that he was an Omega. But somehow, in that moment, he just felt like crying. Seungmin had sounded so genuine, so… pure. There hadn’t been a trace of judgment in his tone, just the determination to be helpful in any way he could, even if he clearly didn’t fully understand any of this.

“That isn’t it…” he whispered. He choked and couldn’t help it when a sob broke free from his throat. “Not really. But… But also, kind of? It’s just…” He shook his head and then… then he decided to just be honest, to finally be honest about this. “I get so fucking submissive. It’s… it’s so wrong.”

It was the first time he had ever said that out loud and he felt as if he had just bared his soul to Seungmin. He had never felt quite this vulnerable in front of anyone... It was terrifying.

But, of course, the singer did everything right. He brought the chair closer and gently placed his hand on top of Jisung’s. “It’s not wrong…” he said quietly. “That… all of that could never be.” He shook his head. “Killing yourself over it… that… that’s what’s wrong.” And then the singer swallowed thickly. “Let me tell you about the last time I had my rut.”

***

“Look,” Seungmin began, and his voice was shaking. The hand that was still covering Jisung’s had become damp with cold sweat and the singer was staring down at the edge of the bed as if it was his only anchor to reality. Jisung had never seen him look this nervous. It made him want to reach out and hug the singer.

“I… I mean you know me,” Seungmin continued quietly. “You know that I have always want to be perceived as independent and hard working.” He took a deep breath. “What you don’t know is why.” He pressed his lips together. It was painfully obvious how hard this was for him to admit. “I didn’t grow up in the happiest family,” he whispered. “There wasn’t a lot of love. There was no affection. And from a very early age… I… I got told that it’s weak to depend on someone else and that I need to make my own way.”

His words broke Jisung’s heart. Of course he had noticed that Seungmin worked extremely hard, that he kept to himself and always was as independent as he could be as part of a group. He had just always assumed that that was just how Seungmin was, how he preferred to live his life… he would have never guessed that it ran so deep.

Jisung wanted to say something, maybe that he was sorry, maybe that it was okay to ask for help sometimes… but Seungmin didn’t let him speak. He just kept going. “That attitude brought me here,” he said quietly. “I can’t be too angry at how life went.” He shook his head. “I was just… I don’t think there has ever been a time when I wasn’t lonely… Not until Chan made this group.” He smiled weakly. “Stray Kids was the first time that I ever had something like friends.”

The singer shook his head. “When I saw how all of you slowly started to couple up… You and Minho-Hyung, Channie-Hyung and Felix, then Hyunjin and Changbin-Hyung, then Innie and Hyunjin, and then well…”

“Then all three of them.” Jisung finished his sentence for him. After everything that Seungmin had said… not only that day but also in the weeks before, he wasn’t surprised in the slightest that Seungmin had picked up on what was slowly starting to grow between their bandmates.

Seungmin nodded solemnly. “When I realised that all of you were slowly starting to find a partner… or well, two.” He swallowed. “Honestly? I panicked.” It was obvious that he was starting to fight tears. “I was so afraid that I was going to end up alone again. And I… I was never bothered by it growing up. It… It was only when I finally had all of you that I realised just how lonely I had always been and I… I just never wanted to go back to that place.”

He shook his head. “So, I started seeing this girl,” he began. “She was an Omega. She was smart. She was beautiful. She fit perfectly into everything I felt like I should want.” The wording alone already caused goosebumps to erupt all over Jisung’s skin. He didn’t know anything about Seungmin’s story yet, but he already knew that he didn’t like where it was going.

Seungmin just pressed on. “She was also extremely calculated. I could tell from the beginning that she was only after me because she wanted her Alpha to be a popular idol…” He let out another shaky breath. “I’m so embarrassed to admit this,” he whispered. “But at the time, I was too insecure to mind that.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I didn’t mind that she only wanted me for my money and reputation because I… I figured that at least she wanted me at all.”

Jisung felt physical pain at Seungmin’s words. It hurt him to the core to see who he had always perceived to be the calm, reasonable and responsible member so distraught. And he hated this woman for doing this to him. “I…” he began but Seungmin interrupted him.

“I’m not done yet.” He shook his head. “She… She began talking about mating fairly quickly. And I… Well…” He looked down. It was obvious how ashamed he was. Jisung wished that he could somehow make it all disappear.

“I knew that it wasn’t a good idea,” Seungmin went on. “I knew that the company would never allow me to mate, that I should at least introduce her to all of you first... Hell, I knew that there was so much wrong with all of this.” He choked. “But I said yes. I said yes because the only thing I saw was that this would be insurance that I was never going to be alone again.”

Jisung couldn’t help it. He let out a gasp. How had he never heard about any of this? Seungmin had picked up on Jisung’s dizziness and had practically immediately connected the dots… Meanwhile the singer had almost gotten mated and Jisung hadn’t even been aware that he had been seeing someone.

Seungmin grimaced. “I know,” he mumbled, clearly misinterpreting Jisung’s shocked expression as judgment. “I wish I could tell you that I came to my senses and called it all off.” He huffed. “But it only gets worse from here. We… we synced up her heat and my rut and matched it to my time off. I didn’t tell the company about my plans. I…”

“What?!” Jisung immediately clasped a hand in front of his mouth. But he couldn’t take back what he had said. He couldn’t believe what Seungmin had just told him. He had always perceived the singer as someone who worked harder than anyone in any room he ever entered, as someone who would do anything to make it… This could have easily ruined his career!

“I know,” the singer mumbled. “It was extremely dumb.” He huffed once more before he muttered: “Hell, dumb doesn’t even begin to cover it.” He shook his head. “But well… Luckily it didn’t happen.” He set his jaw. “When we were supposed to spend our cycles together, she stood me up. I was already in pre-rut when she texted me saying that she found someone else and that she was leaving me. I… I spent that rut alone.”

Jisung felt himself start to cry again. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t believe that all of this had happened to his bandmate, and that he would have never even known. Seungmin sobbed. “It was the worst rut I’ve ever had,” he whispered. “I had been so desperate to ensure that I would never be alone again and instead I had ended up feeling lonelier than ever in my life.”

Jisung couldn’t help himself. He sat up and awkwardly wrapped Seungmin into the best hug he could manage hooked up to a bunch of machines in his hospital bed. “Why didn’t you tell us?” he sobbed. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He knew it was hypocritical to ask… and yet, he didn’t know what else to do.

Seungmin shook his head. “I… I was so embarrassed by it all,” he breathed. “I was so ashamed by how desperate I had been to find someone. And I… I felt extremely undesirable. I felt revolting, disgusting. And… And…” He paused to swallow thickly. “And I was also still so envious of all of you.”

The notion seemed so absurd to Jisung, that he almost had to laugh – despite everything. “You were envious of us?” he asked incredulously. “I thought that you were so over all our drama that at some points, I was genuinely worried that you might leave because it got too much.”

Seungmin huffed. “As if I was ever going to leave,” he mumbled. “I just couldn’t stand being around you.” He shook his head. “No offence. I just felt so broken because I was the only one who couldn’t get someone to love me.”

Jisung’s eyes widened with disbelief. “You’re not broken just because you don’t have a partner!” He couldn’t fathom that Seungmin of all people would think that. “You’re not undesirable. You’re not revolting. And you’re definitely not broken!”

Seungmin smiled weakly. “And you’re not disgusting because you like to be submissive. Or broken because your instinct is not to want to dominate.”

Jisung swallowed. Right. That was how they had gotten to this conversation in the first place. He looked down and knew that his cheeks were starting to get red as he whispered: “I wish that I could believe that.”

***

It wasn’t long after Seungmin had left that Minho came back. “I’m sorry,” the older Alpha mumbled and looked to his feet. “I shouldn’t have been so pushy. I… I understand that you’re scared…”

Those words already caused Jisung to roll his eyes again. He was pretty sure that Minho absolutely did not understand and that was precisely the problem. If Minho could just let him speak, if he could just get over his own interests and empathize with Jisung’s fears instead…

“I am just so worried,” the dancer tried again.

Jisung huffed. “I get it,” he said quietly. “But I won’t let you tell me what to do. I won’t let you make me feel even worse.”

It had been obvious that Minho had come back with the resolution to be understanding and rueful and not argue… But Jisung could tell that the other Alpha was already getting annoyed again. It was so clear in the way he crossed his arms and set his jaw.  “I want to make sure that you live.” Minho huffed. “And I am sorry if that hurts your feelings.”

Jisung had to hold back from punching Minho in his face for that. I am sorry if that hurts your feelings...wow. “Just leave me alone,” he pressed out past gritted teeth. “You’re not making this any better.”

By now, Minho seemed absolutely exasperated. “You know I love you, right?” He almost shouted those words across the room.

Jisung snorted at them. “Well, you’ve never said that before,” he mumbled. Because Minho hadn’t. They had told each other a million things, paid the other a thousand compliments, they had told the other that they loved everything about them… but they had never said ‘I love you’… not until that very moment. Minho looked down and Jisung knew that he was more than aware of that fact as well.

“Yeah…” the dancer mumbled. “Well, I do.” He shook his head. “Hell, I love you so much, Han Jisung. And I hate seeing you like this. I hate it so endlessly. Do you know how terrified I was when Chan told me that you had to go to the hospital? Do you have any idea how excruciating it was to see you just lay there and not be sure whether you would ever wake up?” He bit his lips. “I love you Jisung. And I’m sorry, but I am going to do whatever it takes to never see you like that again.”

When Jisung swallowed, he tasted salt. He hadn’t even noticed that he was crying. “I love you too.” It was the only truth that he was able to say in that moment. “I love you so much, Hyung.”

They didn’t settle whether Jisung was going to have his rut or not. Instead, they came to the silent agreement not to mention it for the moment, to just be happy that they had each other, that they loved each other…

That night, after the doctors and nurses were done with their last rounds and check-ups, Jisung made space for Minho on his hospital bed. That night, they told each other a hundred times over just how much they appreciated the other. That night, Jisung fell asleep wrapped in his favourite scent and his Hyung’s safe and strong arms. That night, Jisung felt as if maybe everything could be okay after all.

However, his perfect little world didn’t last for long. It felt as if only a few heartbeats had passed until he was woken up by a bunch of people shuffling into the room. Sunlight came streaming in through open windows and Jisung found himself blinking against the light.

He didn’t know where he was for a few moments… Then he spotted the familiar nurse who was now cooing at him… them. Minho was still holding him. Jisung shuddered. Then he saw the doctor who looked more tired than the day before but completely unbothered by their current position. And then… then he saw two far too familiar faces. His parents.

Chapter Text

Jisung’s heart stopped… and then tried to hurl itself from his chest. This couldn’t be real! It just couldn’t be! He had to be dreaming. This simply had to be a nightmare. In just a few minutes he would wake up and realise that none of this ever happened, that he wasn’t actually curled up on a hospital bed with Minho’s strong and familiar arms around him, that the people staring at them from across the room weren’t the familiar healthcare workers and, well… his parents.

Hell, the whole situation was so absurd that it was almost easier for Jisung to believe that his mother and father weren’t actually there. How could they be? He hadn’t seen them in years. He had left home to pursue his dreams in Korea when he had just been a kid… and every time they had invited him to visit since, he had found another excuse to evade them.

For so long, he had been too scared to face them. Over the years, he had convinced himself that they would see right through him. That they would somehow look into his eyes and immediately know just how much of a pathetic failure of an Alpha he was. And that, after all of the effort and love they had poured into him, they would be endlessly disappointed.

His parents had been Jisung’s biggest supporters for his entire life. They had stood by him when he had been bullied. They had made it possible for him to go to Korea to pursue his dreams. They had done so much for him… and yet Jisung had let them slip away. He had kept them at an arms distance for years, hadn’t told them half of the things that were happening in his life… he had made himself a stranger.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been aware of that. And yet, seeing them stand there, their hair far greyer than he had ever seen it, the lines of their faces more pronounced, their stance less upright… It brought reality crashing down on him like an avalanche. The reality that he may only have a few more years with them… the reality of just how much precious time he had wasted… the reality that, in his desperate endeavour not to lose them, he had forfeited the relationship they had once built.

Jisung’s eyes started to burn while he asked himself how the hell he had managed to fuck up in every single area of his life. And for what had to be the billionth time, he wondered how it was possible for anybody to be as pathetic as him.

Someone cleared their throat and ripped Jisung from his spiralling thoughts. It was the doctor, who still seemed thoroughly unaffected by the entire situation. “I’m very sorry to be waking you up, Mr. Han,” he said disinterestedly, not even looking up from his clipboard. “We are just doing our morning rounds and need to do a few tests. Mr. Lee?” He made eye-contact with the older Alpha. “If you could leave the bed while we do the tests, that would be very helpful.”

It was the worst thing he could have possibly said. Even if they all had working eyes and could all just see that Minho was also in the hospital bed… actually, verbally pointing it out still somehow made it seem so much worse.

God, Jisung wanted to disappear and never reappear anywhere ever again. The whole situation was so fucking mortifying that it almost physically hurt.

It would have been bad enough if the hospital staff had found them like this… but no, of course the universe just had to go and make it worse for Jisung. He stared down at his blanket as if it was at fault for all of this. As if it was the frizzled-out fabric’s fault that Jisung had just been caught in bed with another Alpha by his fucking parents of all people.

He swallowed and tried to get himself together… But even after a few deep breaths, he still couldn’t bring himself to face anyone. Instead, he shivered when Minho pulled his arms away from him and hurried to get out of the bed. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see that the dancer was bright red and not meeting anyone’s eyes either. Great. This was such a fucking mess.

As the cheerful nurse finally walked across the room and started to check Jisung’s vitals, he closed his eyes, leaned back and thought about how – if this was a dream – he would very much appreciate waking up right about now. He didn’t really allow himself to have any hope though. Deep down, in a place of his mind that he rarely ever accessed, he knew that all of this was real.

Fortunately for Jisung, the tests didn’t take a long time. However, even when the healthcare team eventually left, he wasn’t able to bring himself to relax one bit. How could he have? When his fucking parents and the Alpha that they didn’t know about were still all together in one room… The thought alone made him want to burst into tears.

He was desperate to turn around and curl up against Minho’s chest. He wanted to hide from the world, wanted to feel protected and cared for while being wrapped in his favourite scent… Hell, he would have turned, had he thought that there was at least the slightest chance that it would help him in that moment.  And yet, deep down, Jisung knew that he couldn’t run from this… and he was also quite sure that he simply should not.

And so… instead of hiding and crying, he gathered his bravery… and looked up. His mom smiled softly at him. There was so much in that smile alone, love, worry and chief among them all a silent: Don’t be afraid. We don’t hate you, Darling. It had tears well up in Jisung’s eyes again.

He held his breath as she slowly, carefully walked up to his bed. When she gently reached out and took Jisung’s hands, her fingers were cold against his skin. It was the first time they had touched in years. “I’m so glad to see you up and awake again,” she said softly. “I was terrified.”

Her words made Jisung want to cry even more. He hated to see her this worried. He hated to see her in pain. And he absolutely despised that he was the source of her heartbreak. It was so unfair. His parents didn’t deserve any of this. They had done so much for him. They… They deserved a better son in return.

When he looked up, he found his mom still smiling, despite the choked-up tone of her voice. “When we last talked to Minho…” She shook her head. “You were still unconscious.”

Jisung shuddered. Right. His parents had already talked to Minho. And he had no idea what the older Alpha had told them... Not that it mattered… Not when they had literally walked in on them cuddled up on his tiny hospital bed. God, was there even any way that he could save this? That he could somehow convince them that he wasn’t… well…

He was torn from his spiralling thoughts when his father came closer to his bed as well. He paused right beside his mate and put one hand on the small of her back, the other on top of where she was holding Jisung’s. “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly. “We came as soon as we could.”

Jisung swallowed thickly. “I didn’t even know you were in Korea…” He winced. His words served as a stark reminder of just how much of a failure he was as a son. They had been in the same country for the first time in who knew how long, and he hadn’t even been aware.

“No”, his father said, as if he had read Jisung’s thoughts. “We weren’t. We landed this morning.” He furrowed his brows. “We would have told you if we had planned to visit.” He said it as if it was obvious. As if Jisung had in any way, shape or form earned the privilege of seeing them again… of ever knowing their whereabouts... “We booked the flights as soon as we heard that you were in the hospital.”

Oh. “You flew in?” Jisung’s voice was beyond the point of breaking. “Just for me?” He couldn’t believe that. He couldn’t understand. They didn’t have money like that. They didn’t have paid time off like that. They…

But his mother just shook her head.  The look on her face was so pained that Jisung wanted to howl when he saw it. “Of course,” she whispered. “You were in a coma… We would have come no matter what.”

Jisung couldn’t help but just stare at his parents. Throughout his entire childhood, he had never felt quite as loved by them as he did in that moment. It was surreal to him. Absurd almost. He knew that he didn’t deserve them… but he still couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude in that moment.

Eventually, it was Minho who broke the silence between them. “I… I don’t want to be rude,” he mumbled and squirmed from one leg to the other. “So, if I… If I may introduce myself quickly… I am Lee Minho.” He bowed deeply. His cheeks and ears were still flushed a nasty shade of red.

“I want to uh… I want to thank you for trusting me to make decisions until you could come. I… I truly, truly appreciate and will never forget that.” He sounded so sincere that Jisung shuddered inadvertently. “But I…” The dancer glanced at the door. “I’ll uh… I’ll leave you to it now.”

However, before he could do as much as just turn towards the door, Jisung’s mother had already walked around the bed and was pulling the older Alpha into a heartfelt hug. “We are the ones who have to say thank you,” she said emotionally. “And we truly can’t thank you enough.” She shook her head. “We were so glad that you were with Jisung while we couldn’t be, that you updated us on what has been going on… We… we truly appreciate that endlessly.”

Jisung watched as Minho straightened his back and swallowed thickly. “Of course.” His voice was barely more than a whisper. “Always.”

For a few moments that felt like years, they just kind of all awkwardly stood there. It was strange. Jisung was still uncomfortable… he was still afraid… But something in him had also… settled. Everyone seemed to be lost in their own thoughts and the air around them still tasted of a strange mixture of worry, relief and embarrassment. But there was no animosity between any of them.

The reality was that Jisung’s parents had caught him cuddled up to another Alpha… and they hadn’t abandoned him, they hadn’t pushed him away… they hadn’t even shamed him. On the contrary, they had even embraced Minho. Sure, they couldn’t yet know the extent of their relationship, but a first step towards acceptance had been taken.

Jisung swallowed thickly when he watched his parents exchange a meaningful look. He immediately knew that they must have plotted something up on the way… but he didn’t get to figure out more before his father had already turned to smile at Minho. “You know what?” he asked brightly. “I could really use a coffee. How about you?”

Jisung’s mother nodded eagerly. “I definitely need one,” she agreed before she also turned to Minho. “You probably already know your way around the hospital, don’t you? Would you mind showing him where to find a coffee machine?”

Oh. Right. So, they had planned to get Jisung to be alone with his mother… yeah, okay that made sense. Jisung sighed. When he looked up, he found Minho raising a brow at him. He nodded, softly but without hesitation. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Go with him.”

His mom didn’t even wait until the door had fallen shut behind the other two. “How are you feeling?” She walked over so that she could hold his hand again.

Jisung gave her a weak smile. “Like shit,” he said honestly. “But it’s getting better. They have drugged me up pretty good, I think.”

She rolled her eyes without any malice to the gesture. “Good.”

For a moment, neither of them said a word. And in the end, Jisung surprised himself by being the one who broke the silence. “Thank you for coming.” He meant it. He appreciated their presence endlessly.

“Of course.” She gently squeezed his hand. “Honey, we love you so much, you know that right?”

Jisung nodded. Because he did. “I love you too.”

He drew up his shoulders. He instinctually knew that they were about to get to the part of the conversation that his mother had planned out in advance… the part that Minho had to leave the room for.

“I’m worried,” she said. And Jisung could tell that she meant it from the bottom of her heart. “The doctors told us why you ended up in here…”

Jisung just swallowed and looked down at his lap. He hated that his parents knew that.

“Why are you so scared?” His mother sounded absolutely terrified. And he couldn’t even blame her.

“I’m… I’m not…” he tried weakly, as if simple words would be enough to reassure her.

“I can see the fear on every part of your face, Darling.” She took one of her hands and gently let it run through his hair. The gesture was so maternal, so comforting that Jisung couldn’t help the tear that suddenly ran down his cheek.

“Is it because of Minho?” she continued and just mention of the name was enough to cause Jisung to flinch as if she had hit him. “Are you scared that you’ll hurt him?”

Jisung almost had to laugh at that. “I would never,” he said decisively. He didn’t know a lot… but that much he was absolutely sure of.

His mother sighed and pulled the chair closer that Minho had made his home since Jisung’s collapse. “Why don’t you tell me about him, hm?” she asked as she sat down.

Jisung couldn’t tell why, but suddenly it was as if the floodgates had been opened and all of the words spilled out of him. He told her about how he had first met Minho at that stubborn vending machine on the sixth floor in the JYPE building and about how he had thought that the dancer was an Omega at first because of his scent.

His mother hummed at those words. “I can see that,” she had said softly. “There’s a bit of vanilla in his scent, isn’t there?”

Somehow, even just that small question emboldened Jisung again. He told her about how he had struggled with having a crush for the first time in his life, how awkward he had been at the shared dance practices, how smitten he had been… and how he had eventually found out that Minho was actually an Alpha.

His voice broke as soon as he had uttered the words. He had tried to collect himself, but before he could his mother had stopped him. “And it’s okay that he’s an Alpha. You know that, right?” she asked gently.

Jisung tried to nod. He really, really tried. But he simply just couldn’t. “I want to believe that,” he whispered breathlessly. “I truly do.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me.”

His mother hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled. “I wish that I could have protected you better. I… I should have shown you that your father and I don’t think that it changes anything. I should have made it a point to let you know that we would accept you no matter what. I…”

But Jisung interrupted her. “I don’t know if it would have made a difference,” he breathed. “I… I think deep down I did know that you and Dad would be okay with it… It’s just…”

She hugged him even closer. “I know,” she said. “I just hope that you and Minho can surround yourself with people who love and understand you.” She pulled back a little so that she could look into Jisung’s eyes. “Please know that your father and I will always be in your corner, yeah?”

***

Jisung was still sniffling in his mother’s arms when the other two returned. His father walked into the room first before stopping to hold open the door for Minho who was carrying four coffees, making it entirely obvious that this had never been a two-people-job. They were both chuckling.

 “We definitely need to take that fishing trip,” his father said happily and pointed at the dancer as if to dare him to reject his invitation.

Minho laughed and held up his hands in surrender – despite the coffee that he was still carrying with them. “Wouldn’t want to miss it.”

It fascinated Jisung to see how easily they seemed to get along, how relaxed they already appeared to be around each other. Never in a million years would he have pictured his parents so cheerfully and casually interacting with an Alpha that had knotted their son’s ass.

Granted, they technically didn’t know that detail… but they could probably guess. Jisung had to swallow down a gag at the notion that his parents could know about that part of his life. He really hoped that they just didn’t think about it too much… Even if he had landed himself in a hospital because he refused to have his rut…

He was blessedly distracted from his thoughts when a familiar feeling of warmth took over his body as he watched how Minho politely handed the first coffee to Jisung’s mother who gave him a soft and grateful smile. When he handed the second one to his father, it was impossible to miss the fondness in the eyes of the middle-aged Alpha. Jisung shivered. All of this still seemed absurd to him. And yet, he was so endlessly grateful.

“I didn’t know whether you were allowed to have caffeine yet,” Minho said softly as he offered one of the cups to Jisung. “So we ended up getting you a decaff one, I’m sorry.”

Jisung knew that his parents were watching them and made a show of glaring at the dancer. “How dare you?” he hissed dramatically. He smiled when he heard quiet chuckling from the other side of his bed.

“So,” his mother said eventually, as if she was about to start a business meeting. “Minho…” Oh God. Jisung’s heart slipped through his stomach. What did his parents have in store now? “Jisungie just told me how you met…” She began cryptically. “But he never actually told me how you got together?”

“Oh.” Minho bit his lip. It looked absolutely adorable. Jisung had to fight the instinct to reach out and gently cup his beautiful face. “I mean… Where do you even start?” He was blushing furiously and looked slightly panicked when he found Jisung’s eyes in what was obviously a desperate cry for help.

Jisung’s father laughed. “If it’s too inappropriate, I don’t want to hear it,” he teased. “In that case, just make something up.”

Jisung wanted to throw something at him. He was blushing as well. “It’s not like that…” he mumbled embarrassedly. “I think… I think it just kind of happened?” His intonation made it sound like a question.

Minho nodded. “It definitely wasn’t a specific moment,” he affirmed. “We got closer over time. We became friends first…”

Jisung’s mother giggled happily. “And then boyfriends later?”

Her words caused Jisung to swallow thickly. They had never “officially” called each other boyfriends… However, when he looked up, he found Minho smiling. “Yeah… and then boyfriends later.”

Jisung wanted to kiss him. He was suddenly so overwhelmed by all of the love around him that he felt like he needed an outlet. How could a single person get as lucky with their support system as he had gotten? What even was the probability of that? Not only had he found himself the most perfect partner, they were also surrounded by people who afforded them truly unconditional support… and now even his parents had accepted them.

He wanted to tell everyone in the room how much he loved them. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops… However, in the end, he settled for grabbing his boyfriend’s hand and smiling up at him.

“I could tell that something was going on between you two when you sent us those pictures from Japan,” Jisung’s mother continued happily. “Were you already together then?”

Jisung smiled softly as he remembered that night in Tokyo… How he had gotten ready for their ‘first official date’ with Felix and Hyunjin, how giddy he had felt the whole night, how they had kissed for the second time… just two days after their first kiss ever. “Yeah,” he whispered. “But only just.” It was strange, how all of that seemed as if it had happened lifetimes ago.

They spent the rest of the morning just hanging out. They laughed. They ordered some food. They talked about this and that… It turned out that, despite how much Jisung had always texted his parents, there were a lot of stories to tell after years apart.

Soon, Jisung found himself laughing at his mother’s animated recount of how his father had tried to build a shed in their garden, only to accidentally assemble it upside down. Which was almost as funny as watching how Minho’s eyes widened at his father’s dramatic jungle stories, all of which Jisung had heard a million times before. It was fun. It was nice… And it was surreal that Jisung was holding Minho’s hand through it all.

Jisung only really realised how much time must have passed when his mother started to yawn. “When did you get up this morning?” he asked, suddenly alarmed. She looked absolutely exhausted, and he had no idea how he had missed the dark shadows under her eyes before.

She smiled apologetically at him. “We haven’t slept yet,” she admitted quietly before turning to her mate. “But I think I might have to soon.”

He nodded, looking extremely tired himself. “I’ll call a taxi.”

Minho turned around immediately. “I can drive you,” he offered before looking to Jisung to make sure he wasn’t overstepping. Jisung just nodded. He wasn’t afraid to let Minho be alone with them anymore… there was nothing to hide. Or well… at least nothing that he wasn’t very sure Minho wouldn’t want to hide as well.

His mom smiled. “That would be very nice of you.”

Their goodbyes were tearful, even if they promised that they would come back to visit again. “I’m so glad that you came,” Jisung mumbled eventually. “You have no idea just how much I appreciate you today.”

What Jisung hadn’t anticipated was that he would break down into desperate sobs as soon as they had left. Somehow, he didn’t feel any of the warmth and love with them gone… all that he could feel was an overwhelming, all-consuming feeling of guilt.

Even with his parents easily accepting him and Minho in the way they had, he still couldn’t fully accept himself. And hell, he had no idea why it was still so hard for him to find a speck of love for himself even with all of the support he was getting. There were people out there who didn’t talk to their families at all! Who had been kicked out and cast away and who still managed to somehow not drown in self-hatred…

Sure, Jisung was making progress. He definitely was. But it still made him feel as if he wasn’t doing good enough when he got so much support from everyone around him… He had no idea how long he just laid there and waited for the tears to subside… but it was definitely still too early for it to be Minho, when someone knocked.

Jisung couldn’t help but let out a tired groan. He picked up some tissues and tried to salvage as much of his dignity as he could, before he told whoever had knocked to come in. His eyes almost popped out of his head, when none other than Jeongin opened. What the fuck was the Maknae doing at the hospital?

***

Jeongin was visibly uncomfortable as he walked into Jisung’s hospital room. His eyes flickered to all the blinking machines next to his bed, then his Hyung, then to the rest of the room… His nose flared as he took in the mess of overwhelming scents… Jisung winced. His younger bandmate looked so painfully insecure and lost in that moment.

“Sit with me?” he asked gently and reached out to pat the chair beside his bed.

He couldn’t help but notice how Jeongin winced at his voice. It had Jisung wonder whether this was what he constantly looked like to other people.

“Where’s Hyung?” the Maknae asked hesitantly, as if he was afraid to somehow overstep by sitting down by Jisung’s side… with how Minho had treated him after his presentation and everything he had gone through with Changbin and Hyunjin, Jisung could hardly blame him.

“He’s driving my parents to their hotel,” he said quietly. There was a hint of pride in his tone that was hard to miss.

“Oh.” Jeongin’s eyes widened. He probably knew as well as anybody that Jisung wasn’t exactly the most open person when it came to his relationship… of course he would be surprised. “That’s uh… nice of him.”

Jisung smiled. “It is.”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence between them. Then, eventually, Jeongin sighed and looked up. “I wanted to talk to you, Hyung”, he said softly.

Jisung swallowed. Suddenly, there was a lump in his throat again and his heart started to race. He had no idea what Jeongin wanted to talk about, but he was pretty certain that he wasn’t ready for it in the slightest.

The younger Alpha just looked at his lap. “I should have talked to you a long time ago, I think,” he mumbled. Then, he took a deep breath. “How do you let yourself be so soft?”

Jeongin’s voice had barely been more than a whisper. Still, Jisung winced as if the younger had screamed at him. “What?” He hated how weak he sounded. It was just another painful reminder that he had been idiotic enough to let himself end up here… in a hospital bed… with the Maknae awkwardly sitting in a chair by his side. 

 “You know what I mean…” Jeongin mumbled and blushed a nasty shade of red. “It’s so easy for Alphas to play tough, to disregard emotion, to withdraw… You… You seem so unafraid to show what you feel. You allow Minho to take care of you. You clearly bring him so much peace. You’re close with the Omegas in a way none of us are… You…” He swallowed. “It’s something I have always admired about you. I… I always tried but I was never brave enough to be as soft as you let yourself be.”

Jisung swallowed. He had no idea what to say to that. “Do you really feel that way?”

Jeongin look down at his hands. But he nodded. “You’re so much braver than I could ever be,” he breathed. “So much stronger.” There was a pause before the younger shook his head. “The only time when I feel like I can truly let my guard down enough to be like that is when I’m alone with Hyunjin. I… I can’t do it around the others. Especially…” He bit his lip. “Especially not when Changbin is there.”

Jisung nodded carefully. “It’s a process,” he said quietly, honestly. “I… I don’t even think that what you say is true,” he mumbled. “It’s not like it’s easy for me to be vulnerable.” He almost had to laugh at the notion. “God, not at all. I’ve been fighting myself all my life,” he admitted. “I… I still do.”

When Jeongin hummed pensively, Jisung shivered. He hated that it was suddenly as if someone had opened his eyes to all of the weight that the younger Alpha was carrying. With the way his shoulders were drawn up and he was sitting slightly slumped over, Jisung could positively see the pressure of the world pressing down on Jeongin.

He swallowed. He didn’t know if he would be overstepping some kind of invisible boundary with what he was about to say but he figured that it was worth taking the risk. “Why…” He hesitated. “Why do you think it is that it’s especially hard for you to let your guard down around Changbin?” he asked carefully. “Do you think it’s just because you see him as a rival when it comes to Hyunjin?”

Jeongin huffed out a humourless laugh. “God, I wish it was just that,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Jisung. “Wouldn’t it be easy to just be fucking normal for once?” He sounded angry… And Jisung understood him with every cell of his being.

The younger immediately blushed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I…”

But Jisung interrupted him. “No,” he hurried to say. “I get it. Trust me. I do.”

Jeongin sighed. And then… and then he said something that Jisung certainly hadn’t expected. “I think I’ve had a crush on Changbin-Hyung for as long as I’ve known him.”

Jisung’s jaw dropped. Despite knowing far too well that this was precisely the reaction that their Maknae didn’t need in that moment, he simply couldn’t help it. The younger’s admission had completely blindsided him.

Jeongin blushed a nasty shade of red. “I… I know it’s… I…” he stuttered, and it was as if his helplessness finally woke Jisung from his trance.

He hurried to close his mouth and shake his head. “No,” he said determinedly. “No, it’s okay. I was just… surprised, that’s all. It’s not a bad thing!!”

Jeongin nodded. He looked as if he was close to tears. “I feel like I was so obvious,” he whispered brokenly. “I’ve always thought that he was the coolest person in the world. When… when we first met, I admired him right away.” He huffed. “Back then I desperately wanted to be like him… until…” He shook his head again. “Until I eventually figured out that I actually wanted to be with him.”

Jisung smiled quietly. He knew that this had to be so hard for Jeongin… but his admission was also just incredibly endearing… and knowing that Changbin also had a bit of a crush on the younger definitely helped his optimism regarding the entire situation. “What made you realise?” He was genuinely interested.

The younger sighed. “I think it was honestly his… like… God, this sounds so wrong but… his uh… body?” He bit his lips. It was obvious that he was extremely embarrassed with how much he was blushing furiously. “Sure, I like going to the gym. I like it when my body is toned, and my muscles are defined… and yet I have no desire to get as built as he is. But I… I love his body.”

He winced. “I talked about it with Minho-Hyung, you know?” he whispered. “Back when we were still trainees. He… he caught me crying and asked what it was about. I didn’t tell him at first. Of course not.” He smiled weakly. “But he knew.” He shook his head. “He brought up how fit you were getting from working out with Changbin-Hyung and Chan-Hyung.”

Jeongin chuckled quietly and Jisung knew that his ears had to be turning crimson. Still, he couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with love for Minho again. Minho, who always paid such close attention, who always tried to make the people around him as comfortable as possible… Minho, who had known that Jeongin had a crush on Changbin for so long and who had never told anyone.

Jisung remembered how possessive Minho had been of him when Jeongin had just presented... back then he had said that it was because of the the way that Jeongin "adored Jisung", which had seemed more than strange to Jisung - now everything finally clicked into place: Minho was more hostile towards Jeongin than any of the other Alphas because he knew that he was attracted to other Alphas. More than any of the other members, Minho saw Jeongin as a thread. And still. The dancer had never betrayed the younger’s trust and had given him time until he was ready to reveal himself… even if it took years.

“I suggested that he could ask about your workout routine so that he could work on getting your body.” Jeongin huffed out another quiet laugh. “I still remember exactly what Hyung said back.” He shook his head. “He said: ‘Oh, oh no, I don’t want Jisungie’s body… I want his body… if you know what I mean.’ It was such a stupid joke, and it changed my entire world.” Jeongin let out a sound that was something between a laugh and a quiet sob. “I told him about my crush right then and there.”

“Oh Innie…” Jisung had no idea what he wanted to say, but staying quiet felt wrong. 

Jeongin just gave him a weak smile. “Hyung comforted me back then,” he mumbled. “He told me that he would always be there for me, that I could always talk to him…” He shook his head again. “But I never did anything about my crush. I… I always thought it was pointless anyways. That there was no way that Changbin-Hyung was into Alphas like that… never mind into me.” He swallowed thickly… and Jisung knew exactly how he felt. “And that then the thing with Hyunjin started and everything just got so much more complicated…”

Jisung took his hand before Jeongin could talk himself into another crisis. “I’m not implying anything…” he said, very aware that he was in fact implying everything. “But you should talk to Changbin-Hyung. He’s… He’s been trying to make amends and… and I… I know for a fact that he will listen to you.”

***

Jisung couldn’t stop thinking about everything that Jeongin had said… even long after the Maknae had left again. “How do you let yourself be so soft?”  Jisung would have never ever thought of it that way. He had always considered his softness as something that he had to hide, something that he should be ashamed of. He would have never expected anyone to see it as a strength.

“You clearly bring Minho-Hyung so much peace.” Did he? Sure, he knew that he sometimes had a calming effect on the dancer… that it occasionally helped Minho to scent Jisung as much as it helped Jisung to be scented by him. But… well… he had never considered that as ‘bringing him peace’. He had always seen their relationship as Minho giving him so much more than he could ever give the older.

“You’re close with the Omegas in a way none of us are.” He was. That was just the simple and plain truth… but Jisung had always thought that even that was something he should be ashamed of… that the Omegas basically saw him as ‘one of them’.

When Jeongin had presented and Minho and Chan went to go ‘deal with Changbin’, while Jisung had been cooped up with the Omegas in Felix’s nest, crying his eyes out… it had made him feel like an absolute failure of an Alpha… Never in a million years would he have anticipated that one day, someone would point that relationship out to him as if it was something to be envious of.

Jisung was torn from his thoughts when there was another knock. This time, he knew that it was Minho. “Hi,” he said softly, when the Alpha sheepishly stuck his head inside. “There you are.” He reached out a hand and Minho immediately understood. He rushed across the room and sat down by Jisung’s side with his hands developing the younger’s.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a while. “Today was a mess and I can’t help but think that it was all my fault.”

Jisung shook his head. “I’ve had an amazing day today,” he whispered and moved his head so that he could rest it against Minho’s arm. “I love you so much.”

Minho swallowed thickly at that. “I love you too,” he mumbled. “And I should at least apologize for my behaviour the other day. I… I was too pushy. I… I said things that I shouldn’t have said. I… I hope that you can forgive me.”

“Of course I…” Jisung began, but Minho interrupted him.

“Wait,” he said. “Let me talk first. “I… I know that what I did wasn’t okay. I… I overreacted because I was just…” He shook his head. “Baby, I was so worried.” Suddenly, there were tears glistening in his eyes. “And I know that you are scared. I just… I want to make it as easy as possible for you. I… I want to help in any way I can.”

He sniffled. “I have thought about it so much since you got here. About your rut… about how I could help you be less afraid of it. I… If you would be more comfortable alone, we could call? Maybe? We could pretend that I’m an Omega?” He looked down at their intertwined hands. “Obviously, we could also just find an Omega that you could spend it with… I… I mean I wouldn’t be thrilled but I’d… I’d understand.” He swallowed again. “Or If you wanted me there, I… I could put on some vanilla perfume or something… I’d… I’d submit to you…”

Jisung sighed and in that moment, he finally, truly gave up fighting himself. “We both know that that’s not what I need,” he mumbled quietly, defeatedly. It was the truth. He didn’t need an Omega there... He didn’t need Minho to pretend he was an Omega… Jisung’s instinct was to submit, and if he truly wanted to give into those instincts for his rut, what he needed was for Minho to take care of him, to bend him over any surface available and fuck him until his brain turned into mush.

Chapter Text

When the hospital finally let Jisung return to the dorm, Minho was by his side. Because of course he was. The rapper hated that it had taken him collapsing, them fighting and Minho meeting his parents in what was maybe the worst set of circumstances possible for him to realise it… but by now he knew that Minho would always be right there next to him - stoic and gentle, with his steady breath and a reassuring hand on the small of his back.

Jisung would never be alone again. And he was finally starting to be able to trust that.

His parents had said their goodbyes the night before. Jisung wished that they could have stayed a little longer, that he could have spent some more time with them. Each grey hair on their heads served as a painful reminder that he wouldn’t be able to rely on them being there forever.

And now that the wall that he had carefully crafted between them for years had been torn down. Now that they truly knew who he was. Now that he wasn’t afraid to be around them anymore… it hurt even worse that they had to leave.

He and his mother had cried in each other’s arms for what had seemed like an eternity… but the inevitable had caught up with them eventually. His parents had to go back to Malaysia. They had to go back to work. They had already strained their savings by rushing over to Korea as soon as they had heard what had happened to their son. It was the harsh reality: They simply could not afford to stay any longer.

Jisung’s eyes started to prickle as he got into the familiar elevator that would take them up to Stray Kids’ shared apartment. He really hoped that he would one day make enough money to be able to retire his parents. They had done so much for him. They had supported him in even his most unorthodox dreams and endeavours. He wanted nothing more than to show them how grateful he was for it…  and to allow them to come home.

Like he had so many times before, Minho seemed to be able to read his mind. The older Alpha gently leaned in and pressed a reassuring kiss to Jisung’s temple, letting out soothing scent all over him. “We’ll visit them,” he said quietly but with a tone so steady that Jisung felt entirely unable not to trust that he meant his words. “The next time we have a few days off, we’ll go.”

His voice had a shiver run down Jisung’s spine. Over the past few days, his heart had felt as if it might burst with all of the love it was holding, all of the love that his parents and Minho had poured into him while he was at his lowest. And yet, even still, the confident ease with which Minho was able to promise Jisung that he would spend his precious time off to go visit his family with him, had him want to break out into tears again.

He wanted to tell the Alpha as much. He wanted to say over and over just how much it meant to him. But his voice failed him. “I love you,” he whispered instead. It was all that he could manage.

And yet it seemed as if Minho understood. “I love you more,” he said quietly and kissed the younger’s head once again. It was such a simple gesture… and yet it had Jisung melt where he stood.

When Minho stepped out of the elevator and began tapping the passcode into the keypad next to their front door, Jisung found himself holding his breath. He really, really hoped that no one was home.

He and Minho had talked about it the day before, whether they should announce his return. The others would undoubtedly want to know about it after all… But Jisung hadn’t wanted to say anything.

He hadn’t wanted the others to make a big deal out of him coming back. If he would have been faced with a fucking surprise ‘welcome home’ party, the moment he walked through the front door, he would have cried… immediately… and not the good kind of tears.

As much as he loved every single one of them, the intensity of his band members could overwhelm him at times. He wouldn’t have been able to immediately face Chan’s guilt, Felix’s clinginess, Hyunjin’s tears, Jeongin’s hugs, Seungmin’s care and Changbin’s relief all at the same time.

And he was lucky enough to have Minho who seemed to have understood him, even without him having to explain himself.

“Let’s get there in the early evening,” Minho had quietly said the night before, while gently brushing a strand of hair out of Jisung’s face. “Usually, that’s when Chan is still at the company, Changbin is working out, Seungmin and Felix are gaming, and the others are either out or in their rooms doing their own stuff.”

Jisung had given him a grateful smile. They had gotten so used to falling asleep in the hospital bed that it hadn’t even felt crammed anymore and yet, when he had tried to turn around to face Minho, he had been aware of just how narrow it was. Suddenly, he hadn’t been able to wait to be home, in his own room, his own bed. “Yeah,” he had breathed and had pressed a chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “Let’s do that.”

Of course Minho had been right. No one was to be seen when they slipped inside. Jisung was endlessly grateful for it. If he was truly honest with himself, deep down he kind of hoped that the members wouldn’t realise that he was back until he was already fast asleep.

He knew that Minho wouldn’t let them wake him up… Well, Felix would maybe be able to pout his way past the Alpha’s protectiveness – but that was okay. Jisung could handle the Omega… as long as it was just him. Hell, if he was truly honest, he kind of hoped that Felix would insist on seeing him. There was no denying that Jisung had missed his best friend.

He turned around to give Minho another grateful smile as he pushed open the door to his and Jeongin’s shared room. The light wasn’t on. Their Maknae didn’t seem to be home.

Relief washed over him in overpowering waves. In that moment, Jisung just wanted his boyfriend to know how happy he was. How glad to finally be home, how relieved not to be ambushed by six grown men because of Minho’s foresight and how just generally grateful to be so loved by the older Alpha.

However, when he finally walked into the dorm room, his shoulders slumped. What he hadn’t been able to see at first, became obvious in an instant. While the big light was indeed not on… there was a small nightlight burning next to Jeongin’s bed. It was still dark enough for Jisung not to immediately be able to figure out what was going on… but it was clear that Jeongin was home.

Jisung almost considered turning around again, to ask Minho whether they could maybe try his dorm. But… as he made his way into the room and anxiously let his gaze flicker over to the younger’s bed again, he paused. What the… he tilted his head and frowned. Somehow, the tangled mess of limbs on the bed didn’t look like his roommate, or it did but… “Oh.”

The sound had escaped him before he could stop it from doing so. He hadn’t meant to say anything… but his surprise at the sight had been too big to hold back entirely. Because while it was indeed Jeongin, who was curled up on his bed… he wasn’t alone. No. There was a far too familiar figured pressed to his back, gently holding him between himself and the wall, protecting him instinctively. The two men looked so peaceful… at least until Jisung’s surprised sound had them letting out almost identical yelps.

They flinched apart as if they had burned themselves. Jeongin turned a bright shade of red and was scrambling to the very foot of his bed. He almost fell off, only catching himself at the very last moment. It was obvious that he was extremely uncomfortable… and yet Jisung couldn’t help the idiotic grin that had crept onto his features.

He heard Minho chuckle next to him. And it only took a few moments until the older snaked an arm around Jisung’s waist… maybe to reassure his boyfriend, maybe to remind the other two that they would not be judged. “So…” he said, teasingly but with no actual malice in his tone. “I guess the talk went well then?”

Changbin groaned. He somehow looked simultaneously extremely rattled, extremely sleepy and extremely done with the entire situation. He had sat up on Jeongin’s bed in a panic as well, but now he didn’t look nearly as caught as the Maknae did. “Yeah… it worked,” he mumbled, burying his face in his hands but not quite able to hide a little smile. “You win.”

Minho chuckled again. “I told him to grow a pair and talk to Innie,” he told Jisung, clearly trying to sound nonchalant but not able to entirely banish a hint of fond pride from his voice.

Jisung giggled quietly at his boyfriend’s antics. He couldn’t help it. Still, he looked down at his hands, trying to hide his smile, feeling as if it was out of place, insensitive. But then, he suddenly found himself wondering whether this was maybe exactly what this moment needed. Some levity. A bit of banter.

He shivered as he recalled the first time that he had told someone about him and Minho. It had been when Jeongin had first presented. Back then, Jisung had been on the phone to Felix and had shyly recounted how the older dancer had confessed his feelings to him over dinner.

The reaction of the Omega, the way he hadn’t pushed for details and had instead just talked to Jisung without it being a big deal, without him feeling like he should be ashamed of it, it had been exactly what he had needed in that moment.

So, eventually, Jisung looked up with his smile still on his lips. “Well, I told Innie the same,” he argued, only to remember the ‘grow a pair’-part. He shook his head and hurried to add: “More or less at least.” Then, he turned to Minho and shrugged teasingly.  “So really, who is to say that this is your accomplishment?”

The older Alpha made a show of looking absolutely flabbergasted at the mere suggestion that this could possibly not be all thanks to him. He put a hand on his heart and let his jaw drop. Their banter had even Jeongin chuckle a bit.

The youngest Alpha was still perched on the edge of the foot of his bed. His ears were still crimson, his face was still hidden in his hands, but the sound was unmistakable. Jisung felt his own smile widen. A fluttering feeling settled in his stomach, one that was endlessly familiar and still caught him off guard. It was pride.

Usually, he felt like this when he did well on stage or during a recording session… but the fact that his little plan seemed to be working, that he had apparently made Jeongin feel at least a little more comfortable… it made Jisung’s chest swell with a sense of accomplishment. Especially when Jeongin ended up being the next person to speak up.

“To be fair,” the Maknae began after a while, still red in the face but looking far less tense than before. “Changbin did come up to me to start the conversation so…”

Jisung grinned but immediately put a finger in front of his mouth. “Pssst,” he made dramatically. “Don’t empower them.”

All of them laughed again. It was so stupid. It wasn’t even really funny. And yet it had been exactly what they had needed in that moment.

Jisung and Minho had walked in on Changbin and Jeongin cuddled up on the younger’s bed. Since Jisung hadn’t wanted to announce his return, he and Minho had never given the other two any indication that they would be home. They had just stumbled into what was – at least partially also- Jeongin’s safe space, unannounced and unexpected.

It would have been a vulnerable moment to witness if Changbin and Jeongin hadn’t both been Alphas. But the fact that they were, the fact that neither of them had ever ‘officially’ come out and the fact that they had both only recently seemingly come to terms with this aspect of their sexuality… it all just made the situation endlessly more complicated.

And yet here they were, laughing and giggling and joking around.

Jisung felt a soft kiss being pressed to his hair. Admittedly taken aback by Minho’s boldness, he shivered. It was downright embarrassing how easily affected he still was by the older. But before he could do much more than just blush, his boyfriend leaned in even closer and whispered: “Well done,” with so much undeniable fondness in his tone that Jisung had to swallow thickly.

However, before the rapper could even really take in what had happened, Minho made a show of yawning. He strolled over to Jisung’s bed as if this was just any other evening for him. An impression that was only furthered by his next words. “So you talked,” he said nonchalantly and let himself fall onto the mattress with a satisfied sigh.

Changbin and Jeongin both – seemingly inadvertently - straightened their backs, but they nodded in unison. It was almost painful to watch how uncomfortable they got again, neither making eye contact with anyone and both gnawing on their lower lips as if that would somehow make it all go away.

At least Minho seemed to pick up on the shift as well. Because before Jisung could do anything, the dancer clicked his tongue with over exaggerated recognition in an obvious attempt at lightening the mood again. “Look at you go.” He pretended to wipe a tear. “They grow up so fast, don’t they Sungie?”

Jisung huffed out a quiet laugh while Changbin threw a pillow at the dancer. “As if you were any better,” he grumbled from where he was still sitting on Jeongin’s bed, but there was no real malice in his tone.

Before Minho could retaliate, Jisung intercepted the pillow and chucked it right back at the other rapper. “Don’t tease him.” He fake-pouted. “Minho-Hyung’s feelings are very delicate and easily hurt. He might cry.”

Those words had everyone laughing again.

Jisung moved to sit down next to Minho. He hesitated for a moment but eventually decided that it was useless anyways and curled up against his boyfriend’s side.

A voice inside of him immediately began to protest and Jisung briefly wondered whether he would ever not feel self-conscious about things like this. However, he tried his best to ignore the feeing of embarrassment and instead focused on his bandmates across the room once more.

“I’m correct to assume that you confessed, right?”

He had known that the question would have them both squirming again. And yet, it still stung to see Jeongin wince and Changbin tense.

Truthfully, there were about a thousand questions swirling around in Jisung’s mind… but he knew that if he were in Changbin and Jeongin’s shoes, he definitely would not want to be interrogated and drilled for details. Still, at least this seemed as if it was essential to know.

He had to wait a little… while both Alphas across from them blushed an even deeper shade of red. However, eventually, they nodded once more.

Jisung gave them what he hoped was an encouraging smile. He cuddled even closer to Minho, partially because he was seeking the comfort and reassurance the older’s mere presence always afforded him… but also partially because he hoped that it would remind the other two that he was being vulnerable as well, that they didn’t need to fear judgement from him.

However, before Jisung could say anything else, Changbin sighed again. “It’s just…” he began hesitantly. “This is all still very, very new…” He scoffed. “As in this happened like maybe fifteen minutes ago.”

His words caused Minho to laugh. “Well,” he made. “If you need any more tips on how to seduce Alphas or any more sex ed… you know where to find me.” At that, Jeongin fell off his bed, Changbin groaned and Jisung started laughing hysterically.

***

It was in that exact moment, that the door flew open with a resounding bang. Jeongin, who was still on the floor, flinched back and hit his head against his own bed with a yelp. But the Omega that had just come barging inside, didn’t even seem to notice. Felix just stormed past him and practically jumped into Jisung’s arms.

“I’m so happy that you are back,” he half sobbed, holding the Alpha as tightly as he possibly could. “Are you okay? Did they find anything?”

Jisung’s head was spinning. This had all happened too fast for his brain to be able to keep up. Just a few minutes ago, he had snuck into this room hoping to find it blissfully empty and well, since then, he had, among other things, found out that Jeongin and Changbin were now apparently… dating? In a relationship? Just once step closer to either of those two options?

“Hm?” Felix looked extremely concerned. “Did they? Will you be okay?”

Jisung winced. He hated how worried the Omega looked. Of course he technically knew that he must have caused quite the stir with his sudden collapse… but seeing the pain he had inflicted this up close, reflected in his best friend’s eyes. It was nothing but pure torture.

“Yeah…” he mumbled into the Omega’s shirt, determined to soothe Felix’s anxiety but also still not exactly keen on talking about his… situation. “I just need to have my rut. Took my meds for too long.”

“Oh Hanni,” Felix just pulled him even closer. Somehow, he immediately seemed to understand that it hadn’t just been stubbornness or workaholic-tendencies that had kept Jisung from going through his cycle. Somehow, the Omega seemed to immediately guess that there was more to it.

Jisung didn’t know why – especially because Felix had never shown him anything but unconditional compassion – but he had still expected to be met with accusation rather than endless empathy. Maybe part of it was how exasperated Minho had been with him in the hospital… maybe it was simply the self-hatred that had always run so deep… but just hearing the Omega softly say: “It’ll be okay,” had Jisung want to break out into tears.

He clutched Felix impossibly closer and breathed in as much of his sweet scent as he could. “I know,” he whispered brokenly. “I know… but I am so scared.” His voice was barely more than a breath. He knew that no one had heard him, except for maybe Felix, because the Omega just tighten his arms around him even more.

“We’re going to need a week off.” Minho’s calm but firm voice cut through the quiet like a knife.

At first Jisung thought it was the Alpha’s way of reassuring Felix that he would be with Jisung, that he would make sure that he was okay. But then the rapper looked up and… found Chan standing in the door.

Their leader looked more than hesitant. He was hovering, with his head ducked and his shoulders drawn up to his ears. It was obvious that he wasn’t sure whether he was welcome. Jisung wasn’t sure either. It broke his heart.

However, Minho’s words seemed to have forced some life into Chan because he straightened his back and nodded mechanically. “I’ll arrange everything,” he said solemnly. Jisung would have not been surprised if he had saluted as well.

Their leader was already in the process of turning around in the door and presumably getting to work at… organizing everything, when he suddenly hesitated. “Do you uh…” he stammered helplessly. “Do you maybe have a second to talk about it… like… now?”

Minho sighed. He looked down at where Jisung and Felix were still curled up in each other’s arms. It was obvious that he did not want to leave them. But at the same time, he probably knew that they wouldn’t mind a little bit of alone time… and that it would undoubtedly help more to talk to Chan in that moment.

Jisung caught his boyfriend’s gaze and gave him his best impression of an encouraging smile and that seemed to do the trick. “Yeah,” Minho sighed and leaned down to press a quick peck to Jisung’s lips. “I’ll come with you for a second.”

***

When the door fell shut behind Chan, Jisung could literally feel the Omega next to him relax. It was heartbreaking really. How used Jisung was to his friend holding so much tension. Hell, he hadn’t even noticed the extent of it until it was gone, until Felix seemed to almost fall into himself as every single muscle in his body seemed to relax.

Jisung wasted no time before sneaking his arms around the Australian and pulling him on top of him. The Omega let himself be dragged without complaint. He just sighed when he ended up practically draped on top of Jisung and curled even closer.

“Is it still that bad?” Jisung asked, his voice as quiet as he could get it and still so loud in the silent room.

He expected it when Felix winced in his arms. It didn’t make it any easier to bear.

“It could be worse,” the Omega mumbled. He turned to give Jisung a sad smile and then let his glance flicker to where Jeongin had seemingly climbed back into his bed, and where he and Changbin were still both awkwardly perched on the mattress. It was immediately obvious that he did not want to talk about it with everyone around.

Jisung nodded and then gently squeezed Felix’s hand to show that he understood. He closed his eyes and let himself be enveloped by the Omega’s sweetness. It had been too long since he had last held him in his arms.

“I missed you,” he whispered honestly. He had. Despite the fact that Minho had never left his side. Hell, even despite the fact that his parents had fucking flown in from Malaysia to be with him… Jisung had still felt the separation from the others. In a strange way, he had almost felt lonely – even if he had quite literally never been alone in the hospital.

Felix smiled quietly. “I missed you too,” he whispered back. “We all did. It feels wrong not to have you two here.” He shook his head and giggled quietly. “Although it seems like I have to get used to that, huh?” he teased happily. “Since you’re already asking for another week off?”

He got shoved weakly in retaliation… in the exact moment that Minho walked back into the room. Heat immediately flooded Jisung’s cheeks. God, he was so fucking embarrassed.

“Hey hey hey…” Minho’s voice rescued Jisung from his embarrassment. He looked up to see the Alpha standing in the middle of the room, with his hands on his hips and a stern expression on his features. “No fighting in my bed.”

His act had both Felix and Jisung break out into laughter. For a few moments, they were both just holding onto each other and gasping for air.

It took all of Jisung’s self-discipline to catch his breath and sit up after a while. He tried his best to school his expression into one of quiet disbelief. “Your bed?” he asked incredulously. “Excuse me, Sir?” He shook his head. “Are you not forgetting something?”

A grin spread across the older’s features. “Well since you are mine…” he began and grabbed Jisung from behind so he could start tickling him until he was yelping and breathless again.

“Stop - being – so… cheesy” Jisung somehow managed between giggling and swatting at his boyfriend. “And – stop – tickling – me!”

Minho didn’t seem to even consider it… but Felix thankfully came to the rapper’s rescue. He crawled between them and clung onto the squirming Jisung with all of his might, effectively shielding him from Minho’s merciless hands.

Of course the older Alpha wasted no time in raising a brow at him. “Last time I checked that was my boyfriend you’re clinging onto…”

But Felix just rolled his eyes. “You had him this whole time,” he complained and made a show of pressing a kiss to Jisung’s cheek. “You should really learn how to share.”

Jisung held his breath, almost anticipating that he would get manhandled out of the Omega’s grip… not that he was necessarily against that… but Minho just chuckled and sat down on the mattress next to him so he could pull them both into his arms instead.

When Jisung finally came to his senses enough to glance over at the other bed, he was anticipating feeling absolutely humiliated. How he had just behaved could not have been any less Alpha if he had tried… and even though he had started to attempt not to think about it in those terms… this was still pushing it.

He had been a giggling and blushing mess, holding onto Felix with all of his might to escape the tickling attacks from his possessive and flirtatious Alpha boyfriend… Ew.

If he thought about it in those terms for too long, he would actually get nauseous. Especially, since he was now happily cuddled up with Felix… in Minho’s arms – and enjoying the way the older let out his rich scent all over him.

Even after all this time, behaving like this still made part of him feel pathetic… And he absolutely despised that someone else, someone who wasn’t Felix, had witnessed it.

However, when he turned his head, he didn’t feel the biting venom of shame course through his veins. Instead, his jaw dropped.

Jeongin had apparently used the time the three of them had spent joking around to scoot closer to Changbin. The two Alphas on the Maknae’s bed were still sitting at a bit of a distance. And it wasn’t as if they had gone back to cuddling. But… well, Changbin had placed one of his hands on Jeongin’s thigh – in a manner that was intimately familiar to Jisung.

Minho loved to do this to him. It was a simple gesture. But one that was both possessive and protective. Jisung loved it. To him, the action was always incredibly grounding.

And Jeongin seemed to feel the same because he wasn’t trying to squirm away or hide the hand… he was covering Changbin’s palm with his own. Changbin and Jeongin were holding hands. They were openly showing affection.

… And it seemed as if Jisung wasn’t the only one who had noticed.

“What the…” Felix’s utterly surprised voice sounded way too loud for the small room. “I was going to tell you that I was glad to see you two get along again.” He huffed. “But it seems as if I have missed a couple of episodes, huh?”

Jisung watched as Jeongin winced and as Changbin ducked his head. His heart dropped. He knew exactly how they were feeling. Despite the fact that they weren’t trying to hide, that they had apparently decided to be brave and show themselves… he knew that it still felt different to actually hear someone point it out. It was scary. It made it feel more real.

“Yeah…” Jeongin began hesitantly, surprising Jisung by being the first one to speak up. “We’re uh…” But his voice gave out and he was forced to swallow whatever he had planned on saying.

Jisung hated it. Their Maknae looked miserable. As if someone was holding a gun to his head. As if someone was forcing him to come out… even if Jisung knew that the only person who was putting all of that pressure on him was probably Jeongin himself.

However, before he could do anything to somehow help the younger, Changbin spoke up. “We’re dating,” he announced and while his voice was shaking, there was also an undeniable hint of fondness in his tone.

“Huh?”

The surprised noise from Felix had Jisung wince. This was precisely the reaction they did not need. However, before he could do or say anything, the Omega seemed to catch himself. “I mean… that’s great!” he hurried to add. “I’m happy for you. I am!”

He frowned and tilted his head. “I… I just have to admit that I… I am a little confused.” He swallowed thickly, clearly trying to figure out how he was going to say this. “Weren’t you…” he began hesitantly. “Weren’t you both into Jinnie?”

Jisung could tell by the tone of his voice that Felix was scared of the reply, and it made his heart heavy again.

Somehow Jisung had been too caught up with the fact that Jeongin and Changbin were dating, that they weren’t even afraid to show a little affection… and maybe also with the fact that him and Minho weren’t the only Alpha-Alpha couple in Stray Kids anymore, that he had almost forgotten about the third piece to this puzzle. Hyunjin.

He felt immediately ashamed. He and Hyunjin had become so close over the past few months… and yet, somehow, Jisung had forgotten just how much all of this affected the Omega. God, Jisung wished that he was a better friend. He hated himself for always being so caught up in his own head… his own problems… He should have asked about him as soon as he and Minho had found out about the two Alphas.

Changbin pulled him from his spiralling thoughts. “Yeah, no we… we both still uh… love him,” the rapper rushed to explain. He pulled his hand out from underneath the younger Alpha. Suddenly, he looked almost caught again.

Jisung despised all of this. “I told myself that I wasn’t going to drill you for details,” he mumbled. “But I need to know…” He took a deep breath and silently counted to three to gather his courage before quickly uttering a simple: “Have you talked to Hyunjin? Like… at all?”

He got his reply even before Changbin had the time to shake his head. It was obvious just from how much Jeongin flinched at the question. Jisung’s heart sank.

Changbin seemed to read his thoughts. “But we both still want to confess to him,” he hurried to add. He paused and scratched his head.

Jeongin immediately nodded. “We… we kind of want to ask him out?” he mumbled as his ears turned crimson again. “Like… together?”

Technically, Jisung had known this or at least suspected that that would be the plan. So… well, it wasn’t like he was necessarily surprised.

However, Felix was clearly desperately trying to keep his expression in check. This must have really hit him out of nowhere. “Oh,” he made, seemingly trying his absolute best to roll with the punches. “Then what’s… what’s… you know… What is holding you back?”

Changbin winced again. “Kind of a lot, actually,” he mumbled. He had his head ducked, almost as if he was expecting someone to hurt him. His demeanour reminded Jisung of that of a kicked puppy. He hated to see his usually so headstrong member like this… so insecure, so careful, so… terrified.

“This…” It was obvious that Changbin either wasn’t sure what to say or really did not want to open up. “It’s just very…” He sighed and Jisung thought that he could see the exact moment in which the rapper decided to just be honest. “I am mostly afraid that he will think that it’s weird.”

Jisung swallowed. He could tell that this was Changbin being as open and vulnerable as he possibly could be.

“Like sure,” the rapper continued. “Relationships between three people aren’t like completely unheard off but… well, you know… it’s not like they’re considered the norm.” He shook his head. Jisung hated how much Changbin seemed to be wrangling with this.

“And even then,” he mumbled. “I have only ever heard of relationships that include either an Alpha, an Omega and a Beta, or two Omegas and an Alpha. Two Alphas…” He winced and then glanced at Minho and Jisung. “No offence,” he whispered. “But those are kind of still uh… viewed as different.”

Jisung sighed. He felt as if there was suddenly a weight pressing down on his chest, threatening to suffocate him. “Trust me,” he mumbled. “We know.” Tears began to well up in his eyes. Why did this all have to be so damn unfair? Why couldn’t the world just accept that people loved who they loved and move on? Why did this have to be so torturous for all of them?

He remembered talking to Changbin in the kitchen of their dorm. How the older rapper had asked him how he ‘dealt with it’. “Being attracted to another Alpha,” he had mumbled back then. “It’s kind of overwhelming me right now, not gonna lie.”

He remembered talking to Jeongin in the hospital. How he had asked whether he saw Changbin as a rival when it came to Hyunjin, whether that was the reason why it was hard for him to be around the older. And he remembered how angry Jeongin had sounded when he had said: “God, I wish it was just that. Wouldn’t it be easy to just be fucking normal for once?”

He remembered Minho opening up to him in that café. How he had told him: “I still remember how much I hated myself when I began dancing.” How he had explained that it had been because while everyone else had had a crush on the Omega in their group, he hadn’t been able to get enough of the Alpha instructor’s cinnamon scent. Jisung remembered how Minho had said: “It took me years to realise that I could try as hard as I wanted to fight it… that it wasn’t in my hands to change it. And that just because it’s not what others deem normal, that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.” 

He remembered his own pain. His own self-hatred. This was all just so fucking unfair.

“But Hyunjin doesn’t have a problem with Alpha-Alpha relationships,” Felix tried to reason. Jisung could tell that he wasn’t sure whether it was his place to say anything at all… but he clearly wanted to help. “Like, we know that,” he half-whispered before frowning and adding: “Don’t we?”

Changbin winced again. “Well, yeah…” he conceded hesitantly. “But just because he doesn’t mind Jisung and Minho dating, doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t find it weird when it’s something involving him.” His voice was trembling so much by now that it sounded as if it was seconds away from breaking.

Jisung wanted to cry. And it seemed like Minho could tell, because the older Alpha just wordlessly pulled him and Felix closer.

“There is also still the issue that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with either of us individually.” Jeongin’s voice was so small and quiet that Jisung had trouble understanding him at all. Their Maknae looked utterly broken. “It’s simply just the truth,” he whispered. “That neither of us deserve him. That we have both not exactly put our best foot forward when it came to him in the past.” His shoulders slumped. “Why would he suddenly be up for it just because it’s now the two of us together?”

Felix pressed his lips and shook his head. “Honestly?” he said quietly. “That’s not something that I can tell you. It’s always going to be entirely up to him whether he wants to forgive you, whether he wants to try again.” He swallowed thickly. “I mean… I don’t know how much of his history he has shared with you…” He didn’t wait for a reply. “But let me just tell you that it has absolutely not been easy for him. He might not be ready to trust you like that again.”

Changbin and Jeongin both nodded pathetically. They knew this better than anyone else.

“But there is also a chance that he might be ready to try,” Felix added hesitantly. “Like… I don’t want to get your hoped up, but he might be willing if you are honest with him, if you pour your heart out and tell him everything.” He shrugged. “I know that that’s way easier said than done… but I think it is your only chance.”

Changbin opened his mouth. But before he could say anything. Minho surprised everybody by sitting up and giving the other two a sympathetic smile. “And I am afraid that there is only one way to find out,” he said simply.

***

After that, no one said anything for a while. And, eventually, it was Jisung who moved first.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” he whispered so that Felix and Minho would let him go. However, when Changbin suddenly started to giggle hysterically, he knew that it had been loud enough for everyone to hear. Wonderful. Heat crept into Jisung’s cheeks and embarrassment had a shiver run down his spine.

To make matters worse, Felix then pouted and asked: “Can I go with you?” in the exact moment that Minho started to get up.

Their demeanour had Jisung groaning indignantly. While he loved both his best friend and his boyfriend with all of his heart… he didn’t really need someone – or better yet two people – holding his hand as he peed. “You both have attachment issues,” he teased lightly, fighting to get out of the mess of tangled limbs. “I’ll literally be back in two minutes.”

Minho and Felix had both decided to commit to the bit and pretended as if they were sending him off to war – much to Jeongin and Changbin’s amusement. However, in the end Jisung did get his two minutes of alone time.

As he was washing his hands, he half-heartedly considered brushing his teeth but ended up deciding that this much commotion in one evening called for some ice cream and that he would do it after that instead.

It was a strange feeling not to be worried about running into anyone as he waddled to the kitchen. Despite his and Minho’s best efforts to hide him, two out of six members were already aware of his return anyways. And even if he would have ended up running into Hyunjin and Seungmin as well… those two had never been the ones that he had been the most anxious about seeing upon his arrival.

And, when Jisung stepped into the kitchen, there were indeed two members already there. However, they weren’t Seungmin and Hyunjin.

The rapper smiled quietly to himself. He should have expected this. Not only because his boyfriend’s most carnal desire would always be to take care of the ones around him by feeding them. He should have also anticipated that Felix and Minho would want to give Jeongin and Changbin some space after what had happened.

“Hi,” he said quietly as he stepped into the room. His smile widened when both men immediately turned their heads and expressions of genuine joy spread across their features. He was so lucky to be loved by people who were as incredible as Lee Minho and Lee Felix.

“As you can tell… we survived our time without you,” the Omega joked weakly. He pretended to sob. “Only barely though.”

Jisung rolled his eyes. Despite the fact that even Felix’s lame attempts at humour made his stupid smile grow even bigger. “I’m so proud of you,” he said dramatically and pretended to wipe a tear. “Next time you’ll be allowed to sit on my lap again.”

While Felix giggled, Jisung craned his neck to see what Minho was doing. “Are you going to cook something, Hyung?”

Minho looked up, smiled softly and then slightly raised one arm in invitation. Jisung immediately took the opportunity to press himself into his boyfriend’s side. “I was thinking about it…” the dancer mumbled. “Are you hungry, Baby?”

Jisung tilted his head to think about whether he wanted an actual meal or just his ice cream. However, before he could come to any sort of conclusion, he noticed that Felix was squirming around uncomfortably. “Everything okay?” he asked gently, carefully. “Are you alright?”

“I…” the Omega began hesitantly. “I was just… I… I was actually going to ask whether you would like to come to the convenience store with me, Sungie. I… I wanted to pick up some uh… yogurt.” Felix was still squirming and staring at his feet. He wasn’t making eye contact with anyone. This was clearly not about fucking yogurt.

Jisung frowned. “Sure,” he replied without hesitation. “How about we walk along the river for a bit as well? That could be nice.”

Jisung should have anticipated Minho’s arm tightening around him protectively. He should have known that Minho would be reluctant to let him go. He sighed and turned around in Minho’s arms so that he was fully plastered to the Alpha’s chest.

“It’s fine Hyung,” he mumbled into his neck. There was no way that Minho couldn’t tell as well as Jisung that Felix needed to talk to him… just him. He pressed a quick kiss to the older’s jaw. “I promise that I’ll find something to eat.” He leaned back to look into the dancer’s eyes. “And… you’ll have me all to yourself for a whole week soon.”

Jisung’s pulse quickened as Minho’s eyes blew wide. It was downright intoxicating to see just how much he could affect the other Alpha. Suddenly, Jisung wished that he could stay and test the limits of Minho’s self-control, see just how much he could get away with before he was crowded against some locked bathroom door… but Felix needed him. Jisung simply had to go.

He pressed one last kiss to his boyfriend’s lips before taking Felix’s hand and dragging him towards the door. They did end up stopping by a convenience store to pick up something to drink and a few snacks – though noticeably no yogurt.

Jisung didn’t ask what Felix wanted to talk about. Not even when they had already been walking along the river for a few minutes. He figured that his friend would tell him when he was ready. So, for a little while, Jisung just happily pointed out pretty views and talked about how tasty his snacks were.

Eventually however, Felix sighed. “So…” His voice was already shaking. “I mean… you probably already figured that this would be about Chan.”

Jisung immediately reached out to take the Omega’s hand. Felix had always been big on touch and he desperately hoped that just the little gesture would be enough to convey encouragement to his friend.

Felix smiled gratefully… even though it never reached his eyes. “The thing is that he tries,” he whispered. “Chan, I mean… He tries so damn hard.” The Omega shook his head and Jisung hated that he could already see tears forming in his eyes. “Like, he… I think he got the idea from Changbin probably? Or maybe he would have done it anyways. But he started out by writing me a letter.”

Felix swallowed thickly and Jisung stopped them so that he could wrapped the Omega into his arms. He hated to see him this hurt.

“He apologized for so much in that letter. Not… not just for the heat but for every time he didn’t make me his priority… for every time he thought that he needed to put the band before our relationship. He… He said that he had learned… that he could now see how mistaken he had been.” Felix looked up through glistening eyes. “He said that you had talked some sense into him.”

Jisung winced. The scene that Felix was talking about flashed across his mind. It had been just moments before he had been rushed to the hospital, and he had been so dizzy that he had barely been able to stand.  “Can’t you see that you’re not helping the group by not prioritizing Felix?” he had told their leader. “You’re destroying it, Hyung. So why aren’t you currently on your knees doing your absolute best to somehow make up for all the times you fucked up?”

“He already knew everything I told him,” the rapper whispered now. “I just confronted him with it.”

“This isn’t just about the heat, Hyung,” Jisung had said to Chan that night. “You didn’t call him at all when Jeongin presented. You never made him your official boyfriend. If you want any chance of maybe somehow getting him back eventually, start by reflecting on how fucked up your behaviour has been at times, and then start doing better.”

Felix shuddered. “I still want to thank you for it,” he whispered brokenly. “We talked after I had read the letter. Hell…” He shook his head. “We have talked so damn much over the last little while. Not… not just about us, our past and our issues. We’ve… we’ve talked about everything. About home, about our families, about what we want from the future… But also about silly stuff. He… he is just always making time for me even if it’s just to chat about what I had for breakfast or why I think a certain choreography is too hard.”

Jisung smiled into Felix’s hair. “That’s how it should be,” he said quietly. “You shouldn’t have to feel as if you need to book a meeting with him just to get him to talk. He… If he wants to be your partner, he should be your safe place. That’s… that’s how it is with Minho and me at least.”

Felix nodded. He carefully freed himself from Jisung’s hug so that he could wipe his tears. “I don’t feel like I need to get lucky in order to talk to him anymore,” he mumbled. “When I call and he’s working in the studio, he’ll stop and meet me. Even if it’s just for lunch or a stroll. When I text him and he’s working on set or something, he’ll take the time to shoot a text back even if he can’t talk or meet me in that moment. He… I think he is actually making me is first priority, Sungie.”

Felix broke down into actual sobs this time and Jisung immediately embraced him again. He wanted to tell the Omega once more that that was how it should be, but before he could, Felix had already mumbled: “It’s the first time that anyone has ever made me their first priority I think.” He sobbed again. “I… I don’t know how to handle it.”

Jisung sighed. He pulled the Omega even closer. “It can feel overwhelming at first,” he started quietly. “But… but I promise you that it’s what you deserve.” He hesitated. “Are… like… Do you want to uh… try again with him?”

Felix shrugged pathetically. “I don’t know yet,” he whispered. “I… I’ve told him that. He… he hurt me. I… I gave him so much of me for so long and it felt as if he never truly appreciated it. I… I don’t know yet whether I can ever truly trust him not to just break my heart again.” He shook his head. “Hyung… He gives me as much space as I want. He never pressures me at all. But… but he also always makes it abundantly clear that he does want to try again.”

Jisung nodded pensively. “It’s your call entirely,” he said gently. “That’s the one thing you have to remember. Please never, ever feel guilty about everything he does or like you somehow owe him anything. You don’t. If you don’t think that you can or even just want to be with him again, that’s okay.”

Felix sobbed once more, and Jisung held him impossibly tighter. “And if you do, I will also support you. I will always be there. That’s the one thing I can promise.”

They kept holding hands as they walked back towards the dorm. But for a while neither of them said anything, both seemingly too absorbed in their own thoughts. In the end it was Felix who broke the silence.

“Do… do you want to talk about your rut by the way?” he asked quietly, carefully. “You don’t have to of course. I just… I assume that, if you were ready to risk your health just so you didn’t have to go through a rut… that can’t mean that it’s easy for you, right?”

Jisung was so caught off guard by the question that he stumbled and may have hit the pavement if Felix hadn’t been there to steady him. His heart began to race, and his throat closed up. But he would probably have to talk about this eventually… wouldn’t he?

“Yeah I…” He swallowed thickly. “I have never actually had my rut.”

The last words had barely been audible, but they still caused Felix to stop dead in his tracks. “What?!”

The Alpha winced. “I tried when I had just presented but…” He felt tears beginning to well up in his eyes. Great. Now he was going to cry as well. “They had to come to sedate me before he even really got into it.”

Felix hugged him. “Did they figure out why you had so much trouble with it?” He sounded so endlessly worried that it broke Jisung’s heart. He felt like such a failure. Felix probably assumed that he had some horrible condition that made it extremely dangerous for him to go through a cycle. He hated that the actual reason for why he was suffering was so much more pathetic.

“They told me that I fight my instincts too much,” he whispered. He was crying by now. “I… I…” But his voice betrayed him.

Felix held him even closer. “Because you want to submit?” he asked carefully. “Does it feel unnatural to you to lean into your Alpha side… is that why you fight the instinct to you know… dominate?”

He had said it so gently, with so much compassion… and yet Jisung flinched as if he had screamed at him. “It’s the opposite,” he admitted. “My instinct isn’t to dominate. It’s… it’s to submit. And I… I always thought that was wrong. That’s… that’s why I was fighting it.”

By now, Jisung was shaking uncontrollably. But he also felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Even just saying the words had healed a little part of him… and suddenly everything that he had been holding inside, that he had been pushing down, out of sight, out of mind…  for years… suddenly, it all came spilling out of him.

And so there, that night, in the dark, next to the river, Jisung told Felix everything. About the bullies, about all of the times that he had been called a ‘useless bitch’, about why he had come to Korea and about how fucking hard it had been for him to slowly somehow accept first his attraction to and then his relationship with Minho.

And Felix held him.

And both of them cried.

Chapter Text

TW for panic attacks! I marked the part with “-“ so you can skip it if you want. Please take care of yourself ♥️

“It’s okay to be nervous.” Felix sounded as endlessly empathetic as always.

Still, Jisung couldn’t help but huff. He wasn’t nervous. He was terrified. He felt ready to just run out the building and leave the country or lock himself in the bathroom and spend the afternoon throwing up or… or maybe all of the above.

“I don’t even know why I am so afraid,” he whined. It was almost time. They had made all of the necessary arrangements. He had stopped his meds… which had been… something. Not that he had seen any actual symptoms, but he had been taking his suppressants religiously for years… It had felt incredibly wrong to just… skip them.

Hyunjin gave him a sympathetic smile. “You’ll be just fine,” he reassured softly. “You told us yourself, didn’t you? None of the doctors had any worries about your or Minho’s safety. It’s going to be okay.”

Jisung nodded pathetically. He felt so damn close to tears. God, why was he such a mess? “I just keep having these visions of myself and of how I lose control completely,” he whispered. It felt so fucking vulnerable to admit this, but he felt as if he had to tell someone. “I keep seeing headlines in my mind of how I somehow managed to escape the hotel. I keep imagining waking up in a hospital again. There’s just… There’s pain and then there’s panic and then… and then there is just absolute loss of control.”

Felix gently put his hand on Jisung’s arm. It was obvious that the gesture was meant to calm him, but the Alpha still flinched away from the touch. He couldn’t help it.  

“Sungie,” the Omega said quietly, with so much heaviness in his tone that it had Jisung’s heart clench. “That sounds absolutely terrifying.”

The rapper huffed. Tears were prickling in his eyes, making him feel even more pathetic and helpless. “It’s stupid,” he whispered and grimaced as if he had bitten into a raw lemon.

“It’s irrational. There’s a difference.” Hyunjin gave him a sad smile. “I know you. I know you because you are me.” He shook his head. “You’re still trying to hold everything together. You’re trying so damn hard to always stay in control… That’s exhausting. And… and this is not meant to make you even more nervous… But during your rut… it might be impossible.” He put a hand on the Alpha’s knee. “So, what’s the opposite of control?”

Jisung swallowed. “Freedom?” he breathed hesitantly.

There was so much sadness in the smile that Hyunjin responded with. “The opposite of control is trust, Sungie.” He swallowed thickly. “I know that it’s incredibly hard. I really do.” He huffed. “But please, try it. Trust yourself. Trust Minho. Trust the doctors. And maybe, just maybe you can try to trust that nothing bad is going to happen. Maybe you can make yourself believe that there is no need to always stay in control.”

Hyunjin’s words hit extremely close to home and Jisung began to cry immediately. Still, he forced himself to nod through his tears. “Can I hug you?” he asked pathetically. “I know that you can probably already smell the rut on me and…”

But before he could say anything else, Felix had already opened his arms. “Who cares?” he announced and smile brightly at him.

Hyunjin joined their group hug as well, but not before adding as teasing: “You’ll protect me when Minho tries to cook me, right?” and earning a slap to his butt for it.

Jisung began to sob uncontrollably as soon as he let himself slump into the Omegas’ arms. He was so fucking glad that he had Felix and Hyunjin in his life. What he would do without them… he had no idea.

Jisung didn’t know how long they had stayed like that, but after a while, it was actually Hyunjin who stirred first. “I need to tell you guys something,” he said quietly. His voice was shakier than Jisung had heard it in a while. His stomach dropped immediately.

The dancer just continued. “I… I don’t know whether this is the appropriate time for this like… at all but I wanted you to know and maybe… uh… maybe get your opinion before you leave, in case… in case something uh… changes while you’re gone.”

In case something changed during his rut? Jisung tilted his head. “I am not going to mate Minho if that’s what you’re implying…” he said slowly. “Not now at least…”

Hyunjin just winced. “No, no, I… I meant change for uh… for uh… for me. I...” He sighed and let his shoulders slump. “I’m guessing that this won’t come as a massive surprise to either of you because they told me that they had already talked to you both about this but uh…” He blushed. “Changbin and Jeongin actually uh… confessed to me last night. As in… they uh… they both did. They… uh… they asked me out.”

He hid behind a pillow and when neither Felix nor Jisung immediately reacted, he added a whispered: “Can someone please say something?”

“It’s a complicated situation…” Felix said slowly, carefully, in a manner that made it obvious that he wasn’t sure what response Hyunjin wanted or needed in that moment. “I… What was your initial reaction when they told you?”

Hyunjin groaned. “I didn’t believe them at first,” he whispered. “I mean… obviously, right? I have no idea why they thought that they could just show up in my room and expect me to believe them when they tell me that they want to both date me… and each other as well.” He shook his head. “Innie began to cry pretty quickly and Changbin tried to convince me and soothe him at the same time and…”

The dancer looked up, directly at them. Jisung hated how much pain he could still see in his eyes. “In the end he just kind of grabbed Innie and kissed him square on the mouth.” He huffed out a quiet, humourless laugh. “I kind of expected Innie to hit him… but he didn’t. He just let him kiss him and he looked so genuinely comfortable in his arms that I… I guess that convinced me.”

Jisung nodded slowly. He didn’t want to rush Hyunjin, to accidentally make him more uncomfortable than he clearly already was. Still, he quietly asked: “And then? Did you talk? Did you… you know… answer their question about going out with them?”

“I…” Hyunjin seemed to slump into himself. “We talked… a little. They… they told me about how they figured their feelings out…” He gave Jisung a small smile. “They told me about how they talked, how they uh… got together, I guess.”

He sighed and there was so much in the sound that Jisung couldn’t place. Heartbreak maybe? Maybe even relief? “I am happy that they are dating,” Hyunjin continued. “I… I want to make that clear. I told them that as well. No matter what… I am genuinely happy for them. I… I could always tell that there was something there.”

He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. “Jeongin always looked up to Changbin so much,” he quietly said. “He… he would bring him up constantly. Even back when we were dating, and he was supposed to hate him… even when I told him that I don’t want to think about Binnie… he… it was almost as if he couldn’t help it.”

Hyunjin shook his head again and suddenly, Jisung thought he could see something like endearment on the Omega’s face. “We would talk about siblings and Innie would go: Did you know I met Changbin’s sister when we were trainees? We would watch a drama, and he would go: The main actor looks a bit like Changbin-Hyung, don’t you think? I have never seen anyone adore someone quite as much as he adores Changbin I think.”

He sighed again. “And then on the other side you had Binnie who… God, he just has so much care for Jeongin. When Innie kept going out to drink… you would have thought that he was Changbin’s fucking mate with how worried he was. He came and positively begged me to talk to him multiple times. He told me that he would leave the band… that he would give up his career…” He swallowed thickly. “I’m so glad that they have each other now.”

Noone said anything for a little while after that. Until Felix eventually broke the silence and carefully asked what Jisung had been desperate to know. “So you rejected them?”

Of course he wouldn’t have blamed Hyunjin at all. With everything that had happened it would have been more than understandable, if the Omega had no interest in trying an even more complicated relationship dynamic with the other two. Still, Jisung felt a smile creep onto his lips when Hyunjin shook his head and whispered: “I told them that I needed time.”

Jisung immediately went to hug him. “That’s good,” he said softly. “It’s a lot all at once. Take as much time as you need.”

Felix nodded and joined their group hug again as well. “I am so proud of you Jinnie,” he whispered. “Seriously.”

Jisung wanted to never let go of Hyunjin again. He also wanted to tell him how proud he was of him… how much he hoped that they would all find their happiness… However, before he could do anything, someone knocked.

Minho looked sheepish as he stuck his head through the door. “Our car is here,” he said hesitantly. “Are… are you ready to go?”

Jisung closed his eyes. Somehow, he had almost forgotten about the rut. Trust, he told himself. Not control… trust. “Yes,” he said softly and started to get up. He gave each of the Omegas one last, lingering hug. Hyunjin told him that he would be okay, and Felix told him that he loved him. Jisung didn’t deserve either of them.

When he walked to Minho, he could see how tense the other Alpha was. Jisung could barely notice the difference in his own scent… but apparently, it was already pretty easy to make out his approaching rut. He chose to take it as a sign of how far they had come that Minho hadn’t tried to take anyone’s face off for touching Jisung… even if it was obvious in moments like these that he wasn’t fully comfortable with it.

“I’m all yours now,” he purred and allowed the dancer to scent him softly. His two best friends on his bed knew that he was fully planning on spending the next few days happily sitting on Minho’s knot… so he figured they might as well show some affection in front of them.

His boyfriend playfully nipped at his neck. “Aren’t you always?” he teased quietly. “Should I be worried?”

It was such a silly joke… but Jisung still couldn’t help but giggle. “I’ve been yours, I am yours and I’ll be all yours forever,” he said dramatically.

Minho rewarded him with a kiss to his hair. “Come on,” he said and lightly patted his butt. “Grab your things, let’s get going.”

***

Jisung should have anticipated that it wouldn’t take long for his light-hearted mood to completely evaporate. The drive to the hotel was already too much for him. He already felt as if he was losing control. He was shaking. He was too hot. His vision looked funny. And the worst part was that he had no idea whether it was his rut making him feel that way or his stupid anxiety.

He had his face pressed into Minho’s shoulder the whole way there and while, yes that did make him momentarily feel better. It also made him feel weak. Dependant. Pathetic.

It did in no way shape or form make him feel ready to face reality. The reality that he was going to have his rut… for the first time ever. With no medication to keep him in check. With no supervision. Just locked in a room with another Alpha… an Alpha that he loved more than he had ever loved anyone or anything in his life. Shit. He was terrified.

By the time Jisung found himself stumbling into a far too sterile hotel room, he was only holding on by a thread. He hated this. The scents were off. Everything was unfamiliar. It felt unsafe. And when the door clicked shut behind them, Jisung suddenly felt incredibly trapped.

Of course he had known that he wouldn’t be able to leave the hotel room during his rut. That was the reason these rut hotels existed in the first place: To keep people comfortable but also locked away during their cycles. It was normal and completely safe. Still, the fact that he was now officially locked inside had Jisung’s heart suddenly stumble all over itself.

He knew that Minho could tell that he was on edge. But instead of trying to soothe him, instead of ducking away… his boyfriend just gave him a big and open smile. “So here we are,” he said simply, as if it was no big deal. “You and me Baby… Trying to reproduce for a week straight.”

Jisung grimaced. Suddenly, he felt extremely nauseous. Of course he knew that this was just a stupid joke, nothing to take too seriously. And he knew that if he said something, that Minho would immediately jump to his side and try to fix everything. But in that moment, speaking up felt way to fucking overwhelming.

So, instead, Jisung just tried to go along with Minho’s joke. “I don’t think that that’ll be incredibly successful,” he mumbled. Tears were stinging in his eyes. He felt disgusting.

Minho didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he thought that Jisung was still just nervous because of the rut and was trying to make him feel better. Whatever it was, it didn’t calm Jisung in the slightest. It just made him feel even worse. Especially when Minho fucking laughed and said: “Doesn’t hurt to try, does it?”

Jisung’s stomach was now actively trying to evict itself from his stomach. He had tried so hard to accept himself over the last year… if not entirely then at least a little more than he had in the past. He had tried telling himself over and over and over that Minho loved him and that he loved him back and that that was all that mattered.

And yet, it was as if the feeble floodgate that Jisung had worked so hard to build over the last years had suddenly collapsed and the weight of all of the self-hatred that he had stored there came crashing down on him again.

Without having a clear reason as to why, Jisung was suddenly disgusted by himself again. He couldn’t stand being in his own body. He hated that he had let another Alpha touch him… fuck him… knot him… and that he was going to do it again. He despised that he knew that it would be his instinct to submit, to let Minho have his way with him.

-

Suddenly, everything seemed as if he was watching it through a film… or maybe from above. He didn’t feel as if he was in his own body anymore. Everything was too slow but also too loud and fast and bright and… And it was all just so, so much.

He closed his eyes but that just made him see visions of himself either bending over and pathetically presenting himself for another Alpha or hunched over crying and shaking with no control over his own body.

He hated how afraid he was. How hard it had been to sleep for the last week. How impossible it had felt to even just eat something small. He was falling apart, and the worst thing was that he knew it. He could tell that he was breaking but he had absolutely no way of stopping it.

Jisung felt so small. So helpless. So endlessly pathetic. His breathing came too fast. His heart was racing. He was sweating and shaking.

And then… then Jisung full-on panicked.

Jisung had had a panic attack a handful of times in his life… and he could remember every single one of them as if they had happened just the day before.

The first time he had found himself unable to breathe, shaking and incapable of forming as much as a single coherent thought, he had been thirteen and had stayed up all night to watch an anime in hopes of escaping his depressing little world… for the fifth time in a week.

It was safe to say that his body and mind had been completely and utterly exhausted. And somehow that had ended with his mum sitting on his childhood bed, breathing with him, holding him, telling him that everything would be okay… all while Jisung had been convinced that he was dying.

He remembered how he had desperately hoped that he would never ever have to experience anything like that ever again… That hope hadn’t even lasted him a week.

The second panic attack had snuck up on him right as he had set foot in the cafeteria at his school. However, this time, there had been no tangible explanation for why it had happened in that exact moment. He hadn’t been more stressed than usually. He hadn’t been particularly hungry. Hell, he had even made a conscious effort to sleep a decent amount each night since the first panic attack.

Still, suddenly Jisung had felt incredibly hot. He had started to shake and had felt himself beginning to sweat uncontrollably. Without thinking about what he was doing, he had turned around, mumbled something about feeling nauseous to the people around him and had taken off towards the bathrooms. There, he had spent his entire lunch break locked in a cubicle, gasping for air, throwing up and crying.

He had never told anyone about that second attack.

However, his third panic attack had been impossible to hide. He had been sitting at dinner with his parents, had just eaten, and had been laughing at a story his father had been telling, when fear had suddenly shot through his system like poison. Almost as if he had been given an electric shock, Jisung had sprung to his feet.

He still remembered how his parents’ shocked expressions had seemed so far away in that moment. “I’m…” he had tried, thinking that if he could only make up an excuse… that maybe he wouldn’t disappoint them with how weak and pathetic he was again. But his voice had died in his throat, and he had started desperately gasping for air once more.

His mother had sat with him again. She had held him tight and had told him to follow her breathing… and, eventually, Jisung had calmed down.

After that, his parents had sat him down on the sofa. His mother had told him that she had struggled with the same thing when she had been younger. She had explained what was happening to him in these moments and she shown him how to regulate his breathing, how to force his body to relax… how to calm down.

They had offered to take him to therapy, and maybe they should have insisted… but of course Jisung had refused. He had hated how different he had felt in so many ways. He had already been relentlessly bullied at school back then. And, for some reason, Jisung had been utterly convinced that therapy would just prove once and for all that something was wrong with him.

The fourth panic attack had been the first one he had been able to somewhat regulate. He had still ended up in tears and had even locked himself in the school bathroom again. But at least he had been able to somewhat calm himself.

For the briefest moment after he had managed to relax, he had felt triumphant… but it hadn’t even taken the time that he had needed to walk himself back to class for fear to seep into his system again.

Despite learning how to regulate his panic, Jisung had still spent his life walking on eggshells ever since. Of course, he technically knew that the panic attacks were just that: Panic. Fear. They didn’t actually pose any sort of danger to him. They sucked – to put it mildly… but they weren’t actually unsafe. In the end, it was just fear. He would be fine.

And yet, despite him being fully aware of that, his anxiety still started to shape every aspect of his life. Even after years of not experiencing a full-blown panic attack again, he could never quite shake the feeling that eventually, it was bound to happen. Jisung became entirely sure that at some point, he would lose control over himself and ruin everything.

Because what if he had a panic attack around the wrong people, at the wrong place, at the wrong time?

Which company was going to let him debut as an idol if they saw that he couldn’t even hold it together during rehearsals?

What fans would look up to him if they knew that a simple elevator ride was enough to have him do breathing exercises?

Who would love him if they knew just how broken he was?

Jisung had had one single panic attack since he had arrived in Korea. He had been alone while it had happened. He had been able to regulate it and had even understood that it had been because of a mixture of the stress and lack of sleep that he had experienced that week and the fact that it had been evening, and he hadn’t had anything to eat yet.

Objetively, it had gone as smoothly as it possibly could have. And – if someone really wanted to – it would have probably even been possible to interpret the way he had dealt with it as progress. He had done his breathing exercises, found something to eat and had felt much better.

However, after that, Jisung’s thoughts had once more been completely occupied with the fear that it would happen again… at a more inopportune time… with people around…

Despite the fact that he had been able to calm himself during the panic attack, despite the fact that he had only had one single attack in all of the years since he had moved to Seoul… Jisung still somehow convinced himself that when it happened again, it would ruin his career. That he wouldn’t be able to regulate himself. That it would break him. That he would go crazy.

Even with everything that had happened for the last few years, one fear had remained. One fear, that Jisung didn’t share with anyone, that he tried to even just think about because he was scared that it would cause him to spiral… to have another bad panic attack…

And here he was, in a fancy hotel room, with his loving boyfriend… feeling as if the air around him didn’t have enough oxygen, shaking and sure that he was going to throw up at any moment… sliding down the wall, with no control over his legs and hands… sobbing and yet trying so hard to focus on his breathing.

Moments started to feel as if they were years. It didn’t take long until Jisung couldn’t imagine ever feeling normal again. He was sure that he was going to suffocate, that it was all over now. And he wished that he wasn’t so fucking familiar with the feeling.

He barely even registered how Minho came to kneel next to him. Everything just seemed so far away. He could hear the older’s voice… but it came to him as if the dancer was underwater. Jisung knew that he had once known the name for this feeling. His mum had told him, years ago, back when he had still been a child.

His stomach cramped and Jisung barely had time to process what was happening before he was already throwing up into a bin that Minho must have run to grab.

God, he felt disgusting. He felt pathetic. And he still fucking felt as if he was dying.

He didn’t even have enough control over his hands to be able to hold the bin himself, the other Alpha had to do it for him.

Still, deep down, Jisung knew that he needed to regulate his breathing, that everything started there. In. Hold. 1. 2. 3. And out. 2. 3. In. Hold…

Clarity was slow in coming back to Jisung. But the first sign that his techniques were working was the awareness of how much he hated how trapped he felt. In this room. In his own body. In his own self-hating, anxious, stupid fucking mind.

He was thinking clearly enough to hate himself again. That had to count as a win, right?

In. 1. 2. 3. And out…

-

“I’m sorry.” Of course, Jisung knew that those were probably the last two words Minho wanted to hear in that moment, but he still felt the need to utter them. Because he was sorry. He was sorry that Minho had to see him like that. He was sorry for starting out their rut leave with a panic attack. He was sorry that he would never be able to be a better partner than this.

Minho gently took one of his still shaking hands. “I love you,” he whispered. “I want to talk with you about what just happened...” He pressed a quiet kiss to the younger’s knuckles. “But I love you more than anything in the world, Jisung. I need you to know that first and foremost.”

The rapper gave his absolute best to at least attempt to smile weakly at his boyfriend. But the tears that were still streaming down his face made it extremely difficult. “I don’t deserve you.” His voice was barely more than a breath. “I love you so much.”

Minho squeezed Jisung’s hand and then pressed a gentle kiss to the rapper’s sweaty temple. “That was terrifying,” he admitted quietly. He paused to swallowed before hesitantly adding: “Was that a panic attack? I’ve… I’ve never had one… But… but one of my friends on the dance team used to get them and… and she always looked like you just did. God…”

He let his head fall back against the wall and looked at the ceiling. “I mean… It wasn’t exactly fun when she used to get them… But fuck, just now? I… I know it must have been much, much worse for you but God, I was so fucking terrified.”

Jisung winced. Seeing Minho’s pain hurt him to the core. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled again. He couldn’t help himself. Despite knowing deep down that apologizing would just make everything worse, the words simply spilled past his trembling lips.

He sobbed and shook his head. God, all of this was fucking pathetic. “I’m so sorry Hyung.” His voice was completely and utterly broken. He absolutely despised it when he was the cause of other people’s worries… especially when he loved those people as much as he loved Minho.

The older Alpha’s eyes predictably widened at his pathetically whispered words. Just like Jisung knew they would. The panic was so obvious in those warm, brown eyes… It was nothing but pure torture.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Minho immediately whispered. “Fuck. I… Of course I didn’t.” He shook his head. “I just… I never want anything to happen to you. I… I hated seeing you like that but that’s not like…” He hesitated. “It’s not your… your like fault or anything. I… I am sorry I am not making any sense, am I?”

Jisung attempted another weak smile… and failed miserably yet again. He wanted to reassure Minho, to at least tell him that he was okay and really mean it. But he couldn’t even manage that.

So, eventually, he just sighed and decided to whisper: “You’re right.” The words tasted like acid on his tongue. “It was a panic attack. A bad one. I… I don’t usually have them like that anymore.” He swallowed thickly. “I haven’t in… in literal years. I…” But his voice failed him.

Minho squeezed his hand again. “Do you think it’s because of the rut? Is… is there anything I or we can do to make it better?”

Jisung forced himself to shrug. His body still didn’t truly feel like his own. “It’s probably the rut,” he admitted brokenly. “I was so terrified of it. I… I still am. I haven’t slept properly. I’ve been having nightmares. I’ve been feeling so nauseous all the fucking time. I…  Even though I trust you and I trust the doctors, I… I just…”

The truth was that he was scared to lose control. Hyunjin had hit the nail on the head when he had said that Jisung needed to trust… Because while it was true that he did trust Minho and the doctors… He did not truly trust himself. He did not truly trust that everything would be okay.

“I am just so glad that you are here,” he whispered eventually. “Thank you for… for being with me.” He felt pathetic saying it. Like the weak-ass damsel in distress in a horrible movie… But it was true.

Minho kissed the side of his head. “I’ll always be there if you need me,” he said quietly, solemnly, in a tone that let Jisung know that he meant every word. “And I am so endlessly sorry that I couldn’t help you any better during the attack.”

Jisung winced. “You did,” he breathed. “You…”

But Minho shook his head. “I had no idea what to do,” he insisted. “I literally just sat here and tried to assess whether I needed to call Chan, Felix, Seungmin or an ambulance… You calmed yourself. You got yourself out of that situation.” He smiled weakly. “You’re the badass here.”

Jisung huffed, but he also gave Minho a kiss for saying that. While he didn’t truly believe him, he still appreciated the sentiment so, so much.

They sat there for a while longer… though Jisung couldn’t have said how long exactly. He just knew that he cried some more, that Minho kept holding him and that he kept telling him over and over again how much he loved him.

Eventually, Minho suggested that they could move to the bed. “It’s probably more comfortable than here on the floor, don’t you think?” he asked softly, clearly still trying to make things better.

But Jisung just shuddered. “I…” he whispered hesitantly. He felt stupid. But he also knew that it wasn’t helpful to hide these things from Minho. “I hate the scents there.” Saying it out loud, it sounded even worse than it had in his head, even more pathetic.

However, Minho didn’t try to talk him into moving. He didn’t try to convince Jisung that it wasn’t that bad… He just squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“There’s… there’s something…” he began hesitantly and when Jisung looked up, he found his boyfriend blushing and staring intently at the floor. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Jisung’s heart dropped again but before he could truly start to worry, Minho’s eyes widened with panic. “It’s not bad!” he hurried to promise. “At least I don’t think it is… It’s… It’s just… I…”

He stopped, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I brought something,” he admitted quietly. “Kind of a lot actually… I…” He scratched his head. Then, he sighed defeatedly.

“Basically, whenever I have my rut, I find myself getting extremely uncomfortable with the uh… sterile nature of these hotel rooms,” he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “So I uh… I started to make it a habit to bring some stuff from home… Blankets, pillows… clothes.”

It hit Jisung that this was Minho being as vulnerable as he possibly could be. Ruts were an extremely personal matter and what you struggled with during your cycle was even more intimate to know. Especially, when it was something that wouldn’t necessarily be deemed ‘normal’ by society.

Alphas weren’t supposed to be bothered by an environment ‘not smelling right’. They were expected to drown everything in their own scent anyways. It was Omegas who were advised to bring things from home for their heat, things that would make them feel more at ease, things like blankets and pillows and clothes…

Suddenly, Jisung remembered how Minho had asked for hoodies that he had worn when he had had his last rut. He smiled. Had Minho placed them all around his bed back then as well? So that it wouldn’t smell of sterile hotel room but of Jisung instead?

“I…” Minho now mumbled. “I’m not saying or uh… implying anything. I really am not! I just… I just… It always helps me and I… I figured that it might help you too.”

He got up and hesitantly walked to where he had piled up his luggage. Jisung, who had only brought a small duffle bag himself, had already wondered what the hell the other Alpha had packed. But he had figured that Minho had probably just brought tons of food.

And now here he was, with his jaw dropped… while Minho slowly dragged four bags into the middle of the room.

“This uh…” Minho began. He was still blushing and still not meeting Jisung’s eyes. “I packed them all separately so that it would be completely up to you what scents you want in your ne… I mean your bed.” He swallowed. “This one has your stuff.” He pointed to the biggest bag before turning to another only slightly smaller one. “And this one is mine.”

Jisung couldn’t believe it. How could a single person be this fucking thoughtful? He wanted to jump into his boyfriend’s arms, kiss him and hug him and tell him just how much he loved him. But before he could, Minho made matters even worse.

“The other two bags…” Minho mumbled. He looked as if he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. “They uh… They have stuff from the others.”

Jisung gaped at him. He couldn’t help it. What the actual fuck? Had Minho seriously asked Felix and Hyunjin to give him some stuff as well? Knowing how close Jisung was to them… knowing how much it would comfort him to have their scents around…

“I…” he began, not sure what he even wanted to say.

It didn’t matter. Minho didn’t seem to have heard him. “The blue one has things from Hyunjin and Felix and… and… and green is full of stuff from uh… you know… Changbin, Innie, Seungmin and Chan-Hyung.”

“What?!” Normally Jisung would have probably shouted just out of pure shock but for some reason, in that moment, his voice was barely more than a breath. “You even brought stuff from the other Alphas?” He couldn’t believe it.

Minho. The guy who had almost ripped Seungmin’s throat out for making the briefest physical contact with Jisung when Jeongin was presenting. The guy who had been so hostile towards their Maknae after his presentation that Jisung had to scold him about it. The guy who had always been so possessive and protective of Jisung, at times unreasonably so… Minho of all people had brought the scents of the other Alpha members of Stray Kids so that Jisung could have them around him during his rut.

The dancer shrugged. He clearly tried to look nonchalant, but he failed miserably. “They’re uh… pack. Or something like that at least. I… I thought they might be comforting to you.”

Jisung stood up. He was still in absolute disbelief. “And you don’t mind?” he asked quietly, just to make sure.

Minho shook his head. “They’re pack,” he whispered again. And when he finally met Jisung’s eyes, the younger could tell that he was completely serious.

That was all it took. Without another second’s hesitation, Jisung marched through the entire room and kissed Minho so hard that their teeth clicked together for a moment. “You’re fucking unreal,” he whispered against the older’s lips. “You fucking brought enough stuff to build a nest? Just so that I would feel comfortable?”

Minho blushed. “We might not be Omegas,” he said embarrassedly. “But I’m sure we can figure it out.”

They did. Well… kind of. At first, they tried really hard to take it seriously, to arrange all of the things Minho had brought in a way that actually looked like a real nest and that blended all of the scents together in the best way possible… However, as soon as they realised that just having the stuff lying around somewhere already made Jisung feel far more at ease, they started to joke around more.

It was true after all, they weren’t Omegas. This didn’t have to be a perfect, pristine nest. It could be a mess if that was what they liked. There were no rules. Jisung smiled. Trust. Not control. He giggled… and then he threw a pillow at Minho.

The pillow fight that immediately broke out was definitely not what Jisung had imagined his rut leave to be like… it was so much better. It was silly and light-hearted and fun… it was perfect. When Jisung finally collapsed onto the now much more pleasantly smelling bed, he was feeling far, far better than he had before.

Still, he frowned. Minho hadn’t yet stopped rummaging somewhere in the room, far too far away for Jisung’s liking. Still giddy from the silliness before, he made grabby hands towards his boyfriend. The dancer chuckled but immediately indulged him, plopped himself down on the bed next to him and pulled Jisung into his arms.

It didn’t take long until Jisung found himself yawning. It was probably a good sign that he was relaxed enough to be sleepy… still, he wasn’t yet any less afraid of what the rut might bring when it truly it him… and there was one more thing that he had wanted to bring up.

“I haven’t been horny,” the confession came so quietly that Jisung was honestly surprised when Minho even reacted to it at all.

The hand that had been absentmindedly playing with the younger’s hair stopped. “What do you mean, Baby?” he whispered.

Jisung blushed. “Your rut is supposed to make you horny right? You… We’ve been making so many jokes about it and we… we talked so much about what the sex would be like…” He tried to hide in the older’s shirt.

It was true. They had spent the days leading up to Jisung’s rut talking at length about what he was comfortable with, what Minho could and should do, what Jisung didn’t want, how they were going to handle potential headspaces, what they would do if Jisung got aggressive after all…

It had been incredibly uncomfortable, even if Minho had tried his absolute best to make it as bearable as he could… but Jisung had known that it was important. He had known that he might be so horny that he wouldn’t be able to think straight and then he would be glad that they had had these conversations in advance.

However, now that it was time for his rut… “I don’t feel anything. I… I haven’t felt particularly horny all week.”

“You were nervous,” Minho reasoned calmly. “You still are. It’s not weird that you wouldn’t feel super horny, is it?” He kissed his head. “Either it’ll come, or it won’t,” he said softly. “Either way, I’ll be here. I’ll hold you. I’ll cuddle you. If it’s what you need, I’ll just sit next to you.”

He straightened up a bit so that he could look at Jisung before shrugging. “Ruts are incredibly individual. Some people feel extremely horny for weeks in advance. Some people only feel horny for two hours in the middle of their rut and as soon as they knot, it’s basically already over. It doesn’t matter.”

Jisung winced. “You wouldn’t be disappointed?” Rationally, he knew that it was a stupid question to ask. But he still felt the need to hear Minho say it.

“Of course not,” his boyfriend immediately reassured. “If you get through this rut without a shit ton of pain or discomfort, I’ll be the happiest person on the planet… no matter whether we fuck or not.” He smirked. “And I already love it.” Suddenly, he nuzzled into Jisung’s hair, causing the younger to giggle. “You smell so fucking good.”

Jisung smiled. However, as soon as the ticklish sensation of Minho by his neck was gone, his face fell again. “Do you really think that?” he whispered. It was one of the things he had always wondered. Ever since Minho hadn’t changed his sheets after Jisung had slept in them for a week. “That I smell good, I mean?”

Minho tilted his head. “Uh… yes?” he made, sounding genuinely confused. “Of course?”

Jisung blushed. “I think I smell horrible,” he admitted quietly. “I always thought that my scent was almost mocking me because it’s so Alpha… whereas I’m…”

Minho gave him a chaste kiss right on the lips. “Baby…” he mumbled quietly. “I… I sometimes still wonder whether you think that I see you as a sort of ‘replacement’ for an Omega…” He shook his head. “I’m… I’m not saying that you do actually think that, but I still want to make it abundantly clear that you are not, yeah?”

He gave Jisung another kiss, this time longer and sweeter. “I’ve always been attracted to Alphas. I have never wanted an Omega. I…” He kissed him again. “I love how Alpha you are. It’s sexy as fuck, okay?”

He let himself fall back onto the pillows and chuckled. “I almost started smoking when I first met you because I liked the scent so much.”

***

“Baby…”

Jisung groaned. He felt as if a fucking tank had run him over… several times. He had no idea what time or day or month it was. Just that his head felt as if it might explode, that he was too hot and too sweaty and that his body felt as if it weighed several tons. It was horrible.

“Hey…”

A gentle hand pushed some hair out of his face. Jisung tried to open his eyes… and failed miserably. He felt extremely disoriented. Everything smelled weird. More intensive in a way… but also kind of wrong? He hated it.

“Sungie… Love…”

Okay so that was Minho. Jisung felt a quiet smile creep onto his lips. Maybe it was pathetic how just the mere thought of his boyfriend being there drastically improved his mood… but how was he supposed to help himself?

The familiar mixture of coffee and vanilla began to flood his senses. He yawned and instinctually tried to cuddle closer to the Alpha instead. He loved waking up next to Minho, to feel his warmth, to breathe in his scent…

“Jagi…”

Jisung frowned. Minho’s voice sounded different… wrong. It had an edge to it that wasn’t usually there. In a way, it sounded almost strained. Fuck. Was he angry? Had Jisung done something wrong? Suddenly, there was a pit in the younger’s stomach.

“’yung?” he asked weakly. He wanted to find out what was going on. He wanted to make Minho feel better. But his brain wasn’t fully awake yet and the words died somewhere on the way from his brain to his heavy tongue.

So, eventually, Jisung just decided to scoot even closer in an attempt to maybe at least soothe the older a little bit. He still had no idea what was happening, but he desperately wanted to somehow make it better. However, before he could do anything but wiggle a little… he outright panicked.

As he had started to move around, he had realised the position he had woken up in, half on top of Minho, his head on a pillow on the dancer’s chest… his legs on both sides of one of his thighs… The boxers that the older had worn to sleep had ridden up to expose his pale skin…

Suddenly, the reality of the situation he was in had come crashing down on Jisung.

This wasn’t their dorm. And they weren’t on tour either. Instead, Jisung and Minho were in the makeshift nest that they had built on a hotel bed… in the room where they were going to spend Jisung’s rut… His rut!

And Jisung was on top of Minho… He was hard in his pyjama bottoms… There was already a wet spot in the checkered pattern… His hips twitched forward on their own accord and his dick sent another jolt of electricity through his entire body, almost as if to remind him again of exactly why he was there.

Jisung immediately wanted to burst out into tears. The position he was in, Minho’s strained voice… it all suddenly made sense. Jisung had been fucking humping the dancer’s leg in his sleep.

No. No no no no no! Oh God! “Hyung!” Jisung’s voice was far too shrill and hysterical for the quiet of the room around them. “I am so sorry!”

Jisung hated himself. He hadn’t felt horny at all when he had gone to sleep the night before. Hell! He had even talked to Minho about it! And yet, here he was, humping his poor boyfriend like an overstimulated pug. God, all of this was so fucking humiliating.

There was not a lick of sleepiness left in his body. Just the instinct to flee, to run, to never ever have to face Minho ever again. However, before Jisung could jump out of bed and hide in the bathroom for the rest of eternity, strong hands found their place around his waist. And when Jisung looked up with wide eyes, he found Minho, gently but surely keeping him exactly where he was.

“Stay,” the older said calmly. Jisung whined. There had been enough command in the Alpha’s tone to cause the younger to shudder, which… had led to his hips twitching again. And now here he was, getting dizzy with the relief even just that little bit of friction had provided.

Minho cooed. “Does that feel good?” he asked softly, almost… encouragingly. And maybe Jisung was already deeper into his rut than he had thought because he just nodded desperately. Part of him still wanted to run away and cry with embarrassment… but a far bigger part wanted to just rub himself against the older until he creamed his pants like a teenager.

He groaned and hid his face in the pillow that he had apparently piled on top of his boyfriend’s chest sometime last night. “I’m so sorry,” he half-sobbed. He was still so embarrassed… but he was also so, so, so horny and…  and… He let out a yelp when the pillow was suddenly yanked away.

Momentarily disoriented, he looked up… and found Minho looking right back at him. The dancer’s gaze was full of that calm but piercing confidence that always made Jisung want to roll over and expose his neck. He whimpered. Minho just raised a brow.

“Don’t apologize.” The dancer’s voice was so low that it almost resembled a growl. By now, the command was clear in his tone.

Jisung couldn’t help but whine pathetically again. He had never been quite this affected by Minho. Never. A shiver ran through his entire body. His head was spinning. It was so, so much. “You don’t mind?” he whispered. His hips were already twitching forward on their own accord again.

Minho smiled sweetly. Possibly too sweetly for the situation they were in. He moved one of his hands so that he could give Jisung’s butt a light and playful squeeze. It was enough for the younger to let out an embarrassingly loud moan.

The dancer smirked. “I don’t,” he reassured. Then, he cocked a brow again and added: “As long as you let me watch.”

Jisung felt heat stream into his cheeks and immediately knew that he was turning bright red. He averted his eyes and started to look for his pillow. He wanted to hide again. However, Minho seemed to be entirely serious.

“Come on, Baby,” he said and gave his butt a little slap. “Sit up.”

Jisung didn’t even think about what he was doing before he was already pushing himself to his knees. It didn’t even occur to him not to listen to the other Alpha. And so, the next time he met Minho’s eyes, he found himself upright, hovering awkwardly over the dancer’s muscular thigh.

He knew that this wasn’t exactly what his boyfriend had envisioned… But Minho didn’t seem to mind. Not yet at least.

“So perfect…” Minho whispered. The praise hit even harder when it was mumbled this absentmindedly. It somehow felt more honest that way. Jisung soaked it all up. He absolutely loved it when Minho was happy with him.

However, it wasn’t long until a frown crept onto his boyfriend’s beautiful features. Jisung’s stomach sank. But before he could truly get worried, Minho clicked his tongue.

“Aren’t you a little uncomfortable with all of those clothes?” the dancer asked with faux concern all over his tone. He shook his head. “You look a little hot... Shouldn’t you take some of those off?”

Jisung was indeed feeling very warm… though he doubted that that had much to do with how many clothes he was wearing. “Maybe…” he mumbled and averted his eyes again. “What do you want me to get rid of?”

Minho rewarded him with a slight but definitely appreciative squeeze where he was still holding his hips and butt. “You can keep the shirt,” the dancer mumbled to no one’s surprise. It was his shirt that Jisung was wearing. Of course it was. “But maybe we should get rid of those pants, hm? We wouldn’t want to ruin them now, would we?”

Jisung pathetically shook his head. He was so far gone already.

It almost physically hurt him to detach himself from Minho’s leg. He whimpered as he hurried to slip out of his pants and when the fabric briefly got caught on his dick, he almost started to cry again. He was so fucking sensitive. He needed relief so, so, so bad.

As soon as the already soiled, checkered pyjamas hit the ground, Jisung was climbing back onto the bed and straddling Minho’s thigh. “Better?” he asked breathlessly.

Minho chuckled. “Good,” he praised. “So good for me.”

Jisung shuddered again. He was still hovering over the exposed skin of Minho’s thigh. He knew that he should wait for permission to sit down. Surely, the older wouldn’t make him wait for long, would he?

Apparently, he was wrong because instead of telling him to sit, Minho smirked and gently demanded: “Hands behind your back.”

Jisung couldn’t look at his boyfriend while he complied. He was still mostly clothed… Minho’s shirt was so big on him that it was falling past his hips… but something about this position made him feel extremely exposed all the same. He absolutely loved it.

Minho seemed to agree if the waves of scent that were rolling off of him were any indication. “Now don’t be shy…” he finally commanded. “Sit down, Baby. Make yourself feel good.”

It took maybe a minute before Jisung was so lost in his own pleasure that he could barely think straight. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. He was sobbing. His legs were burning. And he never, ever wanted any of this to stop.

It had already become harder to balance himself without the use of his hands, but Minho had reliably found his hips again and was holding him, guiding him through the motions. It was heaven.

Before this, they had had no real way of knowing what Jisung’s rut would be like. He had never gone through a full one… and none of the “normal” experiences had seemed like a likely outcome for him. Deep down, Jisung had known that he wouldn’t feel the need to claim and breed and dominate. He had thought that – in a best-case scenario- he would probably just want to submit and please Minho.

However, what he hadn’t anticipated was how fucking overwhelming that desire would become. Even as he was desperately rubbing himself against Minho’s thigh, the only thing on his mind was that he needed to show the other Alpha how well he could do, how perfectly he was going to follow his wishes and what a good… partner he would be.

He needed Minho to think that he was absolutely irresistible. He needed the older Alpha to lose his patience and bend him over the next flat surface so he could have his way with him. Jisung needed to feel Minho’s knot pulsing deep inside of him. Just the thought was enough to have him let out another desperate sob.

“So good,” Minho praised. He sounded even more strained than before and Jisung positively feasted on the fact that he was affecting the Alpha this much, that he was making him lose control.

“Please,” he begged for what must have been the millionth time. “I need…” He hiccupped. “I… I need…”

Minho threw his head back and let his hands run up and down Jisung’s sides. It made the younger feel worshipped in a way that he wasn’t sure he deserved. Though before his mind could wonder down that path any further, Minho gripped his hips again, so hard that Jisung was sure it would bruise.  

It had Jisung let out a moan so loud that if they had been anywhere but a rut hotel, someone would have definitely called the police. Not that Jisung gave a shit. Like this, he could so easily imagine Minho fucking him and he had never needed anything quite as much in his life as he needed to be sitting on the dancer’s knot in that moment.

“Please…” he tried again.

But Minho just shook his head. “You need to come for me first,” he bit out. “For me, Baby.” He flexed his thigh and pulled Jisung down with even more determination. “I need you to come for Alpha.”

Seven words… that was all Jisung needed. Within an instant, his entire body grew rigid. His hips stuttered in Minho’s grasp and just a moment later, Jisung was coming all over the dancer’s thigh with a scream.

As soon as it was over, he immediately collapsed on top of Minho and the dancer wasted no time before gently cradling him into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered over and over again. “You did so well for me. You made Alpha so proud.”

Jisung shook his head. “It still hurts,” he complained through the sobs and hiccups that still came streaming out of him. This was just unfair. He was still just as hard as he had been when he had woken up and his cock was just as sensitive

“I know, Baby,” Minho’s voice was so gentle and so fucking calm. It worked almost like a sedative on Jisung. “I promise that it will go away after you have knotted,” the dancer softly continued. “But we need to take off the edge a little more before that, okay?” He pushed a sweaty strand of hair out of Jisung’s face. “I don’t want to have you fainting on me.”

Jisung let out a petulant whine. His whole body – with the notable exception of his stupid dick - felt like jelly. There was no way he could already go again.

Minho just cooed. “You won’t have to do any work,” he reassured. “How about this: Can Alpha use his mouth on you?”

Before he could even really think about it, Jisung nodded deliriously. He flopped onto the empty space next to Minho, groaned as he turned around and propped himself up on his knees once more... though luckily, this time his face could remain smushed against the pillows that reeked of Minho and him.

It was only as he laid there, face down, ass up, completely exposed, that he realised that this was not what Minho had meant when he had asked to put his mouth on him.

Even in the depth of his rut, that self-hating part of Jisung’s brain still stormed to the forefront immediately. Because which Alpha assumed that his partner was offering to eat him out instead of offering a blowjob? How much of a bottom-bitch, pillow princess did someone have to be for them to turn around this quickly?

Suddenly, Jisung felt disgusted with himself again. However, before he could apologize or do anything else, Minho cursed under his breath. “You’re so fucking perfect,” he muttered in what could only be described as pure and unadulterated awe.

The younger Alpha wanted to protest. He wanted to tell Minho all of the ways in which he would never be enough. But he didn’t have time to do as much as utter a single word before the dancer had already buried his face between his legs.

By the time Jisung was coming for the second time, he was hoarse, his legs were shaking, and he had bitten a hole into one of Minho’s hoodies that had been unfortunate enough to be within reach.

The self-hatred was long gone. By now, there was only one thing on his mind. “I need you.” Jisung was practically hysterical at this point. “I need you so much, please. Please… Alpha.” He spread his legs even more, pushed his ass out as much as he could… Jisung had already cum twice, while Minho hadn’t even once and yet, the dancer still hesitated.

“Sungie…” he sounded strained again. “I don’t know… I think we should get you to cum at least once more before…”

Jisung groaned. “Make me cum on your cock twice then,” he complained. “I just want you inside of me.”

And apparently that did it. Because the only warning that Jisung got before Minho pushed into him was a muttered “You know what? Fuck it.”

***

The rut hangover was absolutely awful. Jisung had no idea how the others had even just been remotely functioning after their cycles.

At first his head had hurt so much that if he hadn’t known any better, he would have sworn someone had rammed a flock right through it. He had felt completely spent, as if not a single muscle in his body would ever work again. And he had been so hungry that he was pretty sure that he had eaten his own bodyweight in instant ramen.

It had gotten a little bit better after the first day… fortunately, they had gotten special privilege because of Jisung’s health scare and got to spend a few more days in the hotel than idols were usually allowed. But Minho had to still practically drag Jisung everywhere… or he simply gave up and carried him.

“How do people deal with this once a year?” Jisung had complained when even just Minho’s electric toothbrush had sounded like a fucking drill in his head. “And how did you attend a fucking dance practise like this?”

Minho had just smiled sympathetically. “You probably feel it more intensely because you have never had a rut,” he reasoned. Then he winked… or tried to. “And I wouldn’t have done the practise without some special motivation, would I have?”

Jisung had thrown the towel that he had been hiding in at his boyfriend in retaliation but had immediately regretted it when the world had suddenly become way too fucking bright again. Yeah, rut hangovers were pure torture.

Still, eventually, they had to return to the dorm.

It felt incredibly strange to get on the familiar elevator and press the passcode into the keypad by the door. All of it was so mundane… so normal. Jisung felt as if he had spent the entirety of his rut in a sort of trance, in an alternate reality where space and time didn’t matter… And now, here he was, feeling all of the weight of the world again, returning to a reality that was dictated by schedules and public appearances.

“Are you okay?” Minho asked one last time, his hand already on the door handle. “Ready?”

The only honest answer would have been no. But Jisung seriously doubted that he would ever feel ready for this. So, instead, he gave the answer that came the closest to the truth: “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Minho gave him an encouraging smile. “I love you.”

Jisung pressed himself into his side. “I love you more,” he whispered. And then, because he felt like he needed to, he added: “And thank you so much for all that you have done. I… I am so glad that I got to experience this with you.”

Minho had taken such incredible care of Jisung over the entire course of his rut. He had always given him exactly what he wanted, even when he had barely been able to articulate himself. The perfect partner. Jisung was so incredibly lucky to have found him.

When the older had first pressed into him, Jisung’s brain had immediately turned into jelly, and he had started to float away. Somehow, the dancer had managed to make him cum not only once but two more times before he had knotted him. And yet, when Jisung had knotted Minho’s fist, he had still almost passed out from just how overwhelming the pleasure had been.

But the dancer had been there to catch him. He had held Jisung and had guided him through his pleasure until he had slowly started to come down from his high. Minho had kept Jisung safe in his arms while they had waited for his knot to go down. The younger had been absolutely exhausted… and maybe he had fallen asleep… he couldn’t have said anymore.  

What he did know was that, eventually, Minho had carried him into the ensuite where he had drawn a bath for the two of them. When they had slipped into the water together, Jisung had insisted on sitting on Minho’s cock again and the older had indulged him.

They hadn’t fucked. They had just sat there. But Jisung had never felt as safe, as whole and as connected to anyone as he had felt to Minho in that moment. The dancer had washed his hair, his body, had fed him some grapes and had given him some water.

For four days straight, Minho had taken care of Jisung. The rapper had been in an extremely submissive headspace. He hadn’t been making any decisions for himself anymore. All that had mattered to him was pleasing the other Alpha. And he had absolutely loved it.

No control. Just unconditional love. Just extreme pleasure. And nothing but pure and utter trust.

In the end, what Jisung had avoided for years, what he had almost died over… turned out to be the most incredible experience he could have ever imagined. It had been a realisation that had made him sob in Minho’s arms again as soon as his rut had broken.

“Why did I make myself suffer so much?” he had whimpered. “I ruined so much of my own life… for nothing.”

Minho had just pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s okay to struggle,” he had said quietly. “Don’t dwell on what could have gone better. It was hard. But you never gave up. You’re here now. That’s what counts.”

Minho kissed him sweetly, lovingly, right there in front of their door. And Jisung smiled into the kiss, sure that this was what love was supposed to feel like.

When they did eventually push open the door to their dorm, Jisung found himself holding his breath. Ever since his hangover had let up enough for him to form somewhat coherent thoughts again, he had been incredibly anxious about returning home. Who knew what had happened since they had left?

Felix and Chan had been getting closer but had still very much been on the edge. Jeongin and Changbin had only just started out on their new journey together… and Hyunjin hadn’t even been sure whether he wanted to be a part of that. It had all felt incredibly fragile and Jisung was scared that he would be met with pain and misery again.

However, the image that greeted them as soon as they stepped into the living room, had Jisung burst into the biggest smile instead.

Changbin was sitting in his usual spot in the middle of the couch, shovelling rice and chicken into his mouth, an image that in and of itself could not have been less noteworthy in their dorm. However, there was another body curled up on the couch next to him. Jeongin was apparently napping with his head in the other Alpha’s lap.

A familiar warmth filled Jisung from the inside out. They looked so comfortable, so peaceful… It was hard to imagine that they had ever not been on the same page.

Jisung was about to say something, to quietly announce their arrival so as to not disturb Jeongin. But before he could do as much as open his mouth, a disbelieving gasp stole itself past his lips. He had spotted Hyunjin.

The Omega was leaning against Changbin’s other side and was absentmindedly playing with the sleeping Maknae’s hair. He looked as relaxed and content as the other two.

“You’re together?” Jisung knew that he had been supposed to start with a ‘Hi, we’re back. We’re both healthy even though my head is kind of still killing me. How are you?’ But how could he have when this was the image that greeted him?

Changbin and Hyunjin looked up in unison. When they spotted them, they both blushed and simultaneously averted their eyes again. It was almost comical to watch. Especially because their movements had apparently woken Jeongin up, who looked entirely disoriented.

“So?” Minho asked cheerfully and started to push Jisung in the direction of one of the other sofas where he promptly pulled the younger Alpha into his lap. “What’s the situation?”

Changbin was momentarily distracted by tending to the confused Maknae in his lap… but Hyunjin blushed and hid behind the Alpha’s broad back. “Yes,” he whispered. “We’re giving it a go.”

Jisung was back on his feet within seconds. “Hell yeah!” He shouted and raised a fist into the air as if he had just won the main challenge in a skz code episode. And sure, maybe it was absurd to be this invested in your friends’ love life, but Jisung couldn’t have cared any less in that moment. He was just incredibly happy.

“They’re impossible to separate.” A new voice had Jisung turn around to face the corridor that led to their rooms. There, Chan was smiling at him. “Apparently Hyunjin and Jeongin really love working out now,” he said fondly… even if a little teasingly as well. “And both have an interest in producing… the more you know. Also, Changbin apparently really likes dancing and art galleries and…”

But he didn’t get any further and had to duck a pillow that had been flung in his direction instead. Jisung couldn’t help but grin. So far, this was going better than his wildest dreams.

“How are you feeling?”  Their leader sat down on the sofa across from them. “We didn’t hear anything so we assumed nothing too serious could have gone wrong?”

Jisung blushed and cuddled back into Minho’s side before he replied. “Yeah,” he said shyly. “It was all good.” He closed his eyes. “Well, the hangover still kind of sucks but I’ll get over it.”

Before Chan could reply or ask any more questions, another door opened and Felix and Seungmin stumbled into the living room. “I thought I heard something!” the Australian exclaimed excitedly. “You’re back!”

Jisung barely had time to stand up and open his arms before the Omega already slung himself into them. Felix immediately pressed his face into his shoulder. “I’m so glad that you’re okay,” he breathed.

Jisung shuddered. “I’m fine,” he whispered back. “I honestly don’t know why I was always so afraid.”

Felix squeezed him even tighter. “That makes me so happy, Sungie.” He shook his head. “Seriously. You did so well.”

If he was truly honest, Jisung had kind of expected Felix to join him and Minho on their couch. So, when the Omega didn’t show any indication of following him as he walked back, Jisung frowned with confusion. Seungmin had already claimed their only armchair… Where… He almost jumped up to cheer again.

Felix had fucking found his spot next to Chan and covered one of his hands with his own, all while smiling shyly at Jisung. No. Fucking. Way.

“Back together?” Jisung half-hysterically mouthed at the Omega.

“Not quite,” Felix whispered back. The ‘but getting there’ was left unsaid. It still had Jisung smiling like an idiot. Suddenly, he found himself hoping that maybe there was a happy ending in the cards for all of them after all.

He didn’t seem to be the only one. “We’re away for a week and suddenly everyone is happy and coupled or uh… throupled up?” Minho asked with amusement as clear in his tone as unmistakable joy and fondness. “Sungie, I think we have to book more vacations.”

Everyone laughed at that. “I already negotiated that we’ll get Valentine’s Day off,” Chan chimed in. “Well… my goal was mostly to get Felix and me some free time… but there wasn’t really a way to do that inconspicuously so…”

Changbin groaned gutturally. “Two Valentine’s Day gifts?” he asked dramatically. “Two Birthdays? Two Anniversary gifts? I have not thought this through… I’ll go broke!”

There was more laughter from everyone while Hyunjin and Jeongin immediately started to rattle off ridiculously expensive gift ideas. It was fun. It was sweet. Finally, everything seemed so easy.

And then Seungmin suddenly started to sob.

Everyone sobered up immediately… but no one was really sure what to do. In the end it was Felix who got up first and slowly made his way over to where the singer was curled into himself. “Hey…” he said gently. “It’s okay.” He shook his head. “Fuck. Seungmin, we’re so sorry. That was so insensitive of us.”

“I’m so sorry,” the singer just sobbed. “I… I am so happy for all of you. I really am!  And I… I have always been alone. I will be okay. It’s just…”

Changbin frowned. “But you’re not on your own?” he said. “We’re a pack.”

Chan opened his mouth – presumably to protest- but Changbin just scoffed. “Don’t even try to deny it,” he mumbled. “Everyone can see it. Do we have the most conventional dynamics? Maybe not.” He huffed. “Chan and Minho Hyung have that weird Co-Head-Alpha thing going on… which basically means that Jisung is king of everything. Felix is Head Omega… I am… the princess?”

There were some chuckles around the room and even Seungmin huffed out a little laugh.

Changbin smiled. “You get the point,” he said. “We’re not exactly the archetype of a perfect pack. But we are one. We are family. We stick together.” He sighed. “And if it’s because of the Valentine’s Day gift… I guess if I am already buying two, I might as well buy you one as well.”

Everyone chuckled again, even Seungmin… though he also flipped the rapper off who blew him a kiss in retaliation.

“Seriously though,” Felix continued. “It doesn’t matter whether some of us have romantic feelings for one another. First and foremost, we’re pack.”

Hyunjin smiled. “And one day, maybe we’ll get to greet your partner into the pack as well.”

Next to him, Jeongin nodded. “And even if not,” he added. “That doesn’t matter. You can choose to never have a romantic relationship ever again, and you will still never be alone.”

“We can seriously promise you that,” Jisung reiterated. He needed Seungmin to believe them. “No matter how many couples or throuples or anything else there are within the pack. We can promise you that you will never be alone. We’ll be here. We need you here. And we want you here.”

In the end, Minho got up to awkwardly pat Seungmin’s shoulder. “As one of the two ‘weird Co-Head-Alpha things,’” he said. “I’ll uh… admit that it’s a mess.” He chuckled before shaking his head. “But Jisung is right. Everyone is right. We can promise one thing… you will never be alone." He turned around to the rest of the group. "This goes for everyone. We will be here. And we will love you. Unconditionally.”