Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Teddy popped the back door of Remus's Corolla open and climbed in.

“How was your day, love?” he asked. Teddy grinned, and Remus smiled back.

“Mrs. Sprout put up my diagram of the ant on the note board!” Came the enthusiastic reply as Teddy leaned between the drivers and passenger seat to kiss Remus on the cheek in greeting.

“That’s fantastic Teddy!” Remus smiled as Teddy settled himself in the backseat of his car, waiting until he’d settled his backpack on the floor and strapped himself in before he shifted his car into drive and indicated into the road and drove away from the afterschool programme he was fetching his son from, “You worked so hard on that project! You should be proud!”

“She said she liked my labels and how I compared the features of the invertebrate to other kinds of insects.”

He smiled at his beaming son on the back seat and the burst of pride he felt was a welcome relief to the anxiety he’d been feeling for the last 12ish hours.

“And what about your math test? How do you feel you did?”

Teddy’s smile brightened further if that was even possible.

“It was easy! We did those fractions we practiced the other night and it was just like the examples we did!”

“I’m so glad, bud,” Remus gave earnestly, “how about we celebrate with takeaways on the way to your mums tonight?”

“Can we get Sirius to make pizzas again?” he asked bouncing in his seat slightly in excitement.

And wasn’t that ever so slightly on the nose.

It was the whole reason Teddy was heading over to Tonks’s for the night in the first place.

He hadn’t heard from Sirius since he’d seen him off on the bus home after work the day before.

He’d texted before he went to sleep as always, but when he’d woken up there was still no reply. It was unusual for Sirius to wait even an hour before seeing and replying to Remus's text. Sometimes they even facetimed before bed. His evening had felt strange and out of place without Sirius serial texting him about the season of Masterchef they were watching together.

And then he hadn’t been at work. And he hadn’t answered Remus’s call at lunch to check in either.

Remus was worried.

He knew he probably shouldn’t be; anything could be going on and it had only been just over a day since he’d heard from Sirius, but it left him feeling like a piece of him was missing. It was desperate and embarrassing, and he was sure he’d feel mortified when it turned out that Sirius’s phone had fallen into the bath and died and he’d woken up with a cough, but Remus couldn’t help but feel like something was off.

It hadn’t taken much convincing to get Tonks to agree to take Teddy for the night so that he could go over and check on him. She’d had taken one look at the pinch between Remus’s brows and his bitten cuticles and known that Remus needed to see him; to make sure he was alright.

“Not tonight, Ted.” Remus replied carefully, making sure his smile stayed in place, “but I know he’d be keen another time – tonight we could stop at the Three Broomsticks though, is that alright?”

“Yeah, alright,” Teddy confirmed, enthusiasm undimmed.

It had been a month since he and Sirius had become involved, and until now, Remus had had very few reasons to complain. Sirius was enthusiastic and cheeky as he was considerate and caring. His heart was the biggest Remus had ever come across and he’d wormed himself so resolutely into Remus’s life and world that it felt like he’d always been there. He got along with Tonks and Fleur, and his friendship with Teddy had only blossomed.

Tonks had agreed that Teddy was old enough now to be given some basic information about their relationship since they’d already met and had a report. It would be disingenuous to think that Remus could continue to see Sirius regularly and not have Teddy aware of it. So, Teddy knew that Sirius and Remus were in a relationship, and was really only interested in that involved many more opportunities for Sirius to teach him how to make his favourite meals and take them both on outdoor adventures. And Remus loved watching his son and boyfriend interact. It was like watching all the pieces of his life slotting into place, and up until now it had felt seamless and easy. 

He supposed they were due for a bump. Now he just had to clear it. 

But first he had to be a dad.

He listened as Teddy talked on excitedly about how he wanted to try out for the rugby team this year and how he needed new school shoes. He made a mental note of that and mentally scheduled that he'd take him on Sunday to get remeasured. If he'd grown out of his school shoes he'd need new sport shoes, casual shoes and maybe a new pair of slippers. It was getting cold. 

They pulled up to the restaurant and Remus waited patiently while Teddy flip-flopped between toppings options before settling on a meat-lovers for him, and a large Hawaiian for Tonks and Fleur to share and some sides. He got them a few bottles of soft drink to share and then piled them into the car to drive to Tonks's. 

"Will you be back tomorrow?" Tonks asked kindly as she watched Teddy run through the kitchen toward his room to drop his backpack. 

"Yes" Remus confirmed. "I'm just going to make sure he's alive, and maybe spend the night if he hasn't gone off me, and then I'll come back for Teddy mid morning," he smiled flatly into Tonks's keen brown eyes as she watched him. 

"He hasn't gone off you, Rem," she smiled comfortingly, "I'm sure there's an explanation."

Remus nodded and smiled as Teddy came back into the kitchen to say goodbye to Remus.

"I'm gonna take Ted to to get some new shoes on Sunday," he winked at Teddy, "his flippers are about to burst his boats."

"Well he gets the clown feet from you," Tonks teased, "Let me know how much you spend and I'll send you half."

"Sounds like a plan," he smiled affectionately, dipping his head down to kiss her cheek and then holding his arms out for Teddy for a hug. 

As his kid wrapped his arms around him he resisted the urge to lean into it as comfort. Teddy would notice and he wasn't about to make his boyfriend problems his son's as well. 

"Love you, bud," he said instead, leaning down with his arms around Teddy's shoulders and kissing his messy curls, "I'll come get you tomorrow morning, well play video games, yeah?"

"Yeah!" Teddy replied with a grin, "See ya da!" he let Remus go and plonked himself down at Tonks's counter and pulling his small pizza box closer to dig in. 

***

A quarter hour later Remus arrived at Sirius’s place and parked the car. He got out the car and took a moment to regard the outside. The place was still standing, at least. There were no smoldering remains of a horrible fire, or crater from asteroid shower. So, no act of God was causing Sirius to avoid his texts or stay home from work, so that narrowed the possibilities slightly. He might still be ill, or something may have happened to him.

Remus didn’t like the way his insides warred with that fact. Of course, there was no universe where he’d want Sirius to be hurt or sick, but the alternative was that Sirius maybe just didn’t want to talk for some reason.

He walked over to the door a little hesitantly. They were still new. Would Sirius even want him there if he was sick? He may prefer his own company. If he was upset with Remus, the he may not want to talk at all. But Remus had stayed awake the last night until it was entirely too late, waiting in vain for Sirius to reply to his texts, first his goodnight text after they’d parted at the bus stop after work, and then the next night, to his texts throughout the day checking in with increased urgency to see if Sirius was alright.

Maybe he was bored or tired, or avoiding Remus because of something he said. Remus had thought of all the possibilities in the last 24 hours, trying to talk himself out of coming over and invading his privacy when it seemed like he really didn’t want the company. But Remus knew. He couldn’t shake the instinct that something was off and that that Sirius needed him. If it turned out that Sirius needed space, then Remus would deal with that when he came to it, but for now he’d never be able to live with himself until he knew for sure.

As he reached the door, he raised his fist to knock and paused.

There was music playing in the house. Loudly. In fact, the music was playing so loud that Remus knew that no one inside would be able to hear a knock or ring at the door. He tried the handle instead, and found the door unlocked. He took a deep breath and turned the door handle carefully until it gave and swung open, and the music flooded out and washed over him. He knew this song. He frowned slightly.

As he stepped over the threshold he recognized the melody, heavy with atmosphere and breathy vocals. It was Enya. Specifically; Only Time.

He moved through the entry and into the house proper, taking in that the house was meticulously clean around him. There were no cooking magazines on the coffee table and the pillows on the couch (that Remus had been present for the choosing of, incidentally) were plumped and placed carefully. He was sure that if he entered the living room properly, he’d find the mantel freshly dusted and the smell of disinfectant spray on the surfaces. There had been effort and care put into the presentation of the house, and it only further piqued Remus’s confusion as he moved toward the kitchen where the music was playing from. It was his first choice for where to look. If Sirius was out of bed and not on a hike then he’d probably be cooking.

The kitchen was not meticulously clean, which confirmed that suspicion. In fact, it looked like Sirius was catering for a convention. It looked like every dish he owned was piled in the sink and the island bench was laden with cooling racks piled with muffins and Pyrex’s of lasagna, casserole, and quiche.

He leaned around the island curiously, and…

Bingo

Sirius was sitting on the tiles staring into the oven with his back to the kitchen island. He didn’t notice Remus.

“Sirius, Darling?” He raised his voice to be heard over the music. Sirius didn’t appear to hear him, and continued to stare into the over in a kind of trance. Remus moved closer and tried again, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder gently.

“Sirius!” he all but yelled, causing Sirius to jump in surprise and blink up at him like he’d never seen him before.

In the time it took for Sirius to register that it was Remus, he took a moment to assess Sirius, first for physical damage, and secondly for his reaction to his arrival without forewarning. He was white as a ghost; paler by far than usual and gaunt like he’d been awake for days.

Sirius blinked up at him a few times blankly, and then his face and posture relaxed completely and he sprung to his feet and towards Remus like a coiled spring released.

Remus just about caught him as Sirius buried his face in Remus’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him tightly, relief flooding him at the way that Sirius was clinging to him like a lifeline.

“Remus…” Sirius breathed against his neck shakily, like a prayer of thanks.

“Darling,” Remus replied in a breath out, kissing the side of Sirius’s head and rocking him a little. He still had no idea what was going on, but having Sirius in his arms went a long way to making him feel better about whatever it was. The missing piece had slotted back into place.

Only Time ended and the opening notes of Caribbean Blue began.

As they stood pressed together and clinging, Remus was taken back to the night of their first date, and Sirius putting Enya on in the car on the way home in order to cool off after the heated kiss during dessert.

“It helps me calm down,” Sirius had said sheepishly, his cheeks his flushed and his lips chapped from kissing Remus.

The same song was playing now. Loudly. Loud enough to drain out any other thoughts. Remus had been right. Something was wrong.

“Sweetheart,” Remus spoke into Sirius’s ear, “Can I turn down the music?”

Sirius nodded into his chest, and Remus shuffled over to the sound system set up in the kitchen, one arm still around Sirius, whose fists were still knotted into his jumper and whose chest still heaved with gulped, relieved breaths. His finger found the volume button and he held it down for a few seconds as the Irish Singers’ airy tones lowered to a volume where Remus could hear himself think again.

“Hey,” he brought his hand up to Stroke Sirius’s hair. It was slightly knotted, like he hadn’t brushed it that day. That was unusual.

“Hi, baby,” Sirius sniffed a little and looked up at Remus without unwrapping his arms.

“You okay? You gonna tell me why Enya was playing loud enough to drown out a thousand heavy metal concerts?” he asked, trying for levity but failing at the shaky smile he directed down to Sirius, staring at him with little-kid-lost eyes.

Sirius swallowed visibly and then shut his eyes before nodding slightly.

“What’s in the oven?” Remus asked, “is anything in danger of imminent burning?”

“I just put the brownies in,” Sirius replied looking over to the oven, “I set the alarm, so I’ll hear when they’re done.”

“Okay, Remus nodded, let’s sit for a bit, okay?” he led Sirius over to the bar stools and gently pried his arms from around Remus’s chest and sat him down. He sat as well, facing Sirius, and resumed his hold on his hands, held securely between his own.

“I know I haven’t replied to your messages,” Sirius started immediately, his expression panicked and guilty, “It wasn’t intentional, I swear. It’s just that every time they came through, I was in the middle of something, and I promised myself I’d reply when I finished what I was doing but then I got distracted. And then there were so many texts for me to answer from you and I felt so guilty because I could tell you were angry and-”

“Hey, stop, okay?” Remus silenced him with a trace of his fingers against the soft skin of Sirius’s cheekbones, “I’m not angry,” he said in the gentlest tone he could. He watched Sirius relax slightly, and felt him grip his hands in return.

“You’re not?” he asked in a small voice.

“No, darling, I was worried something had happened.”

“Nothing has happened exactly,” Sirius replied tiredly, “But I got some news. Good news.”

“Okay,” Remus nodded encouragingly, trying calm the spike in his heartrate, “do you want to share it with me?”

Sirius swallowed again and nodded.

“Reggie’s out of rehab this weekend – tomorrow morning, actually – and I’m going down to London to fetch him so that he can come live with me here.”

Whatever it was that Remus had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. But then he took in the soft lilting tones of May it be beginning in the background and remembered the pristine living space and chaotic kitchen and it all began to make sense. As did the purple bruising under his eyes and his general unkemptness. The “good news” and the strange, trance like state. Sirius was preparing to have his little brother come to stay with him. And he was absolutely freaking the fuck out about.

Remus looked at the carefully blank expression Sirius was holding his features in as he explained, and finally understood what was happening. The question was how it would be best to help.

“What do you need?” he asked simply, looking around the kitchen and identifying at least a few ways he could help Sirius clear the decks. When Sirius had completed whatever task’s he thought important then they could talk about the way this was clearly affecting him.

Sirius blinked at him in surprise.

“Don’t you have Teddy tonight?” he asked softly.

“I organised for him to be with Tonks. I’m all yours tonight.”

Sirius sighed out in relief and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Remus’s.

“I honestly don’t know where to start.” She laughed shakily.  

“Are the brownies the last bit you need to cook?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded.

“Maybe I can get stuck into dishes? You can clear the counters?” Sirius nodded again with the return of that shaky smile and wide eyes. He leaned forward and pecked Remus on the corner of his mouth.

“Okay, let’s get going, alright?” Remus stood, still holding Sirius’s hands. He led him around to the kitchen bench, and released his hands, but not before placing a kiss against his knuckles. Then he made his way to the sink and began to run hot water into the plugged basin. While it filled with water and liquid soap foam he loaded what he could into the dishwasher carefully.

A short while later the oven alarm began to beep and Sirius fetched out his oven gloves, removing the fragrant chocolate filled tray from the oven, setting it on a free cooling tray and covering it with a tea towel like he had the other dishes he’d made. Remus stacked the last rinsed dish in the drip rack and turned to Sirius, drying his hands on a tea towel as Sirius looked around the now spotless kitchen in a daze.

“How about a bath, baby?” Remus asked softly, and Sirius nodded slightly, walking over to Remus looking almost shy.

Remus took his hand and tugged him toward the hallway and the bathroom. When he arrived, he led Sirius to the closed toilet seat and pressed him down gently before making his way over to the tub and turning on the water at the faucet.

While he waited for the tub to fill, he squatted down in front of Sirius where he sat somewhat blankly, and took his hands tenderly.

“Okay?” he asked softly, smiling gently at Sirius’s fluttering lashes as he zeroed in on Remus.

“I honestly don’t know how to answer that question,” Sirius murmured. Remus’s heart squeezed tight as his expression shifted into something forlorn and hopeless.

The tub was full enough now, and Remus leaned across and turned off the water, testing the temperature in the tub to make sure it wouldn’t burn him.

“Come on,” he suggested gently but firmly, “clothes off, love.”

He pulled Sirius to standing and helped him shrug off his flour-stained black hoodie. He followed with the long sleeve t-shirt underneath, which smelled about a day old, and then Sirius quietly unbuckled his belt and dropped his jeans and pants before toeing off his socks off, looking a little unsure and childlike.

“Hop into the tub, love.”

When Sirius settled into the steaming water with a groan and a sigh, Remus sat on the edge of the tub, swirling his hand through the water to combine the hot and cold water to make sure it was comfortable.

“Too hot?”

“It’s perfect, babe,” Sirius said in a breathy tone, leaning back against the wall of the tub in relief. It was the first time he’d sounded like the Sirius Remus knew since he arrived. Something unclenched in Remus’s chest and he reached for the shampoo and conditioner.

“Aren’t you joining me?” he asked in a low, almost sultry voice if Remus didn’t know any better.

“Not yet, darling, let me take care of you, okay?”

Sirius watched him as he opened the cap of Sirius’s fancy shampoo with a little frown between his brows.

“Relax, darling.”

Sirius leaned back against the back of the tub, but he looked far from relaxed. Remus smirked slightly, recognizing his slightly petulant posture.

“Can you tip your head forward?” he asked, trying to conceal the laugh in his tone as Sirius complied.

Remus found a scoop for the bath salts in the caddy by the tub and used it to scoop up some water. He tipped it over Sirius’s scalp, his hand shielding his face from the water and Sirius jumped.

“Remus! What are you-”

“I’m washing your hair.”

“I don’t need you to wash my hair. I’m perfectly capable!”

As Remus scooped a second cup of water over his hair he bit back a smile.

“I know you can wash your own hair,” Remus replied patiently. He squeezed a glob of shampoo into his palm.

“I know what you’re doing,” Sirius returned as Remus began to massage the shampoo into his wet tresses.

“Oh, yes?” Remus asked, letting the suds foam up over his ebony tresses and massaging the product into the hair at the nape of his neck and temples.

“You feel sorry for me.” He clipped, “So you’re babying me.”

Remus rolled his eyes fondly.

“I am not babying you because I feel sorry for you,” he corrected, exasperated. “Rinse your hair for me?”

Sirius looked back at him in petulant confusion, his bottom lip actually sticking out, and shifted down in the tub so that he could dip his head back and rinse out the soap. When he surfaced he looked back as Remus squeezed a generous glob of conditioner into his palm. He turned back to the front of the tub and rested his head on his arms crossed over his bended knees, sulking.

Remus reached forward with a fond shake of his head and gently spread the conditioner over his locks carefully before raking his fingers through the long tresses.

“You feel sorry for me because my baby bro is triggering my trauma and I can’t deal with it,” he grumbled onto his arms.

“No,” Remus laughed, “lean back, my love.”

Sirius took a shuddering breath and complied. Remus dug his fingers into Sirius’s scalp, squatting down behind the tub and applying pressure with his thumbs. Sirius groaned in pleasure. He moved his thumbs in a circular motion inward from his temples toward the crown of his head, working his way down into the tendons of his neck just under to bone of his skull. He heard Sirius take another breathy inhale and smiled gently. He worked the conditioner into the lengths until they were saturated then placed the hair over one of his shoulders before kissing the exposed one.

“Rinse again,” he requested softly and Sirius complied. When he surfaced again, his hair plastered to his head, he looked at Remus, and his features were a tumble of petulance, confusion, pain and vulnerability.

“So, what are you doing?” he asked, tipping his chin up minutely in defiance.

Remus leaned forward, folding his arms onto the rim of the tub and resting his head there so that he was at Sirius’s eye level.

“Babying you,” he replied with a smirk. Sirius opened his mouth to say something, that little frown back between his brows. Remus reached forward and pinched his lips closed gently, effectively cutting off his protest.

“I’m babying you because you’re my baby.” He said simply with a little smile.

Sirius’s lips twitched upwards even while Remus held them fast. He still managed to look pleased.

“Remus.” Sirius asked around Remus’s fingers, making the word muffled.

“Sirius?” Remus smiled as he replied, releasing Sirius’s lips and leaning forward for a peck.

“Please join me.”

“I feel like we need to talk first, darling,” Remus replied with a regretful sigh. Truthfully, he’d love nothing more than to be pressed against Sirius’s back, warm water lapping against his sides and steam tickling his skin, but he didn’t want Sirius so lost in the moment that he’d forget that they needed to talk about it all.

“We can talk in the tub?” Sirius suggested, a suggestive lilt in his tone.

“Sirius…” he warned with a bemused tone.

“I promise to keep my hands to myself!”

Remus snorted and shook his head, resigning himself to the inevitable. He knew he couldn’t deny Sirius much anyway. He stood off the side of the tub and stripped, aware that Sirius was watching from where he had his head resting on the arms folded on his bent knees.

When Remus was nude, Sirius scootched forward to make room for him, eyes twinkling, and Remus lowered himself in behind Sirius, allowing him the lean his back against his chest between his legs and wrapping his arms around him comfortably. Sirius sighed in contentment as he cuddled into Remus’s chest.

“Hey…” he mumbled, sounding so relaxed that it made Remus smile against his neck while he left another kiss on the damp skin of his shoulder.

“Hi, darling…” He replied.

“I’m so sorry for making you feel ignored,” Sirius said in a small voice.

“It’s alright, I think I understand what happened.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Remus confirmed, “I think you got some news that threw you for a loop. I think you were going along your week as usual, and then you got a call to say that your life is about to look a little different; and while you love your brother, it must be bringing up some old feelings…”

“It’s like you can see into my head,” Sirius confirmed huskily.

“Is that why you’re cooking enough to feed an army?” Remus asked quietly.

“It started out that I just wanted to have some meals frozen just in case he needed to eat while I’m at work or with you, but then I just kept cooking. I have soup already in the freezer-”

“You hate soup…” Remus chuckled.

“Yeah, but Reg always liked pumpkin soup and it’s the right season for it so I thought it might be good to have some on hand.”

“That was kind of you, love…”

“Hmmm,” Sirius squirmed slightly. “I’m not sure I feel very kind right now. I’m feeling a little terrified.”

“Why’s that?”

“Reg and I don’t have the easiest relationship…” Sirius muttered, dipping his head forward and kissing Remus’s arm and leaving his face pressed against the damp skin. His next words were muffled.

“I left and our parents doubled down on him, and he turned to drugs to cope, and I tried to keep in touch, but he had other priorities. The night he OD’d he called me. I had just moved here, and I could tell he was out of it when he called. He knew he’d fucked up, and I called the ambulance with him still on the line. I promised he’d have somewhere to go if he got help, but he hasn’t been taking my calls since he started rehab. So, when I got the call last night...”

“You don’t know where you stand with him now…”

“Yeah.” He breathed it out like a sigh. “I love him,” Sirius gave in a small voice, “and I want to see him, but I don’t know who he is now. I wanted to go out and get him some things, but I don’t know if he still likes to draw or he still plays the same video games. I don’t know if he has a phone or clothes. I got him the basics; toiletries and pajamas, and that cereal that Teddy likes, but I don’t know if it’s enough to make up for any of it.”

“Oh love…” Remus sighed, leaning down and kissing Sirius under his ear. “I think you’re gonna make it work, darling. It may not be easy at first, but I think this could be a fresh start for you both.”

“And you’ll be around?” came the small question. Remus responded by holding him tighter and kissing the back of his head.

“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll be around as much as you need us.”

Sirius was quiet for a few moments, and Remus was glad just for the opportunity to hold him.

“Didn’t Teddy have a math test today?”

“He did,” Remus laughed breathily.

“How did it go?”

“He said the practice we did with fractions really paid off,” Remus replied fondly, “your help was invaluable, evidently.”

Sirius laughed breathily, but his shoulders wiggled slightly in happiness, “I’m so glad. Was he alright to go to Tonks tonight?”

“I don’t think he’s scarred for life,” Remus snorted, “We got pizza on the way.”

“And you didn’t bring me any?” Sirius turned to him aghast.

Remus poked him in the side for that and he squirmed more, giggling. It released the knot in Remus’s stomach fully that time.

“I was having visions of you dying of the plague or a pile of ashes from a fire, so dinner wasn’t high on my list of priorities.”

Sirius turned back to him with big, regretful eyes; “I’m sorry I worried you, babe.”

Remus reached up and tucked a wet strand of hair behind Sirius’s ear.

“You don’t need to be sorry, but for the record, if there was anything to forgive, then you’d be forgiven already.”

“Do you want me to order pizza?” Remus asked after a few moments of gazing love into Sirius’s eyes.

“Would it be weird to order in after I cooked enough for an army?”

“No, darling,” Remus laughed, “I’ll do whatever you want tonight. I’m here for you and if that means ordering in then that’s what we do, yeah?”

There was a gleam in Sirius’s eyes then and oh Remus loved that look. He was never disappointed with that look.

“So, I get whatever I want?” he asked.

At Remus's cocked head he got his knees under him and turned to kneel in front of Remus, looping his arms around him.

"...whatever I want?"

Remus tightened his arms around Sirius’s waist in response, feeling his pulse rate pick up as he watched Sirius's eyes darken with his expanding pupils.

“If you ask nicely,” Remus smirked, raising an eyebrow, and feeling his smile grow into a grin as Sirius crept closer, kneeling over Remus’s lap, straddling him.

Sirius reached between them and gripped Remus’s rapidly hardening cock in his hand, a filthy smirk spreading over his features.

“Remus…” Sirius began, gasping a breath when Remus lowered his mouth to Sirius’s chest, taking a nipple between his teeth.

“Yes, baby?” He said between nibbles and shuddering as Sirius pumped his hand over Remus’s length under the now cooling water.

“I want to ride you.”

“That didn’t sound like a question.” He breathed, rallying the last of his cockiness.

Sirius whined when Remus dropped a hand to palm Sirius’s erection in return. He reached between his legs and ran a finger against the valley between his cheeks.

“Fuck… Can I?” he panted.

“Can you what, darling?” Remus smiled hungrily as Sirius looked down at him in desperation as Remus ran a finger over his entrance and pressed lightly.

“Can I fuck you?” he asked in a whiny, breathy tone. And Remus caved. He nodded enthusiastically, gasping in a breath as Sirius dipped his head forward and sucked hard at his pulse.

 “Yeah. Fuck yes.” He confirmed. Sirius surfaced from sucking at Remus’s neck with an obscene pop.

He reached for the bath caddy next to the tub and rummaged through the bottles of bubble bath and salts until he found some oil-based lube. He handed it to Remus who coated his fingers with the slippery liquid with a feral grin and reached around until he was gently running a finger along Sirius’s opening again.

“Oh god…” Sirius whined, leaning forward to drop his head into Remus’s shoulder and panting as his fingers dipped inside. He eased his finger further and Sirius began to rock against his hand, lifting his face from Remus’s shoulder and, finally, kissing Remus hungrily. Remus made a desperate noise in the back of his throat, letting his feelings of relief and concern and longing overwhelm him as he sucked Sirius’s bottom lip into him mouth and bit down. Sirius whimpered as he continued to palm Remus’s length and rub the flat of his hand over the head of his cock just poking out of the tepid water.

Remus kissed his way up to Sirius’s ear and bit at his ear lobe gently before whispering; “Hold on love,” removing his fingers from Sirius and lifting him under the arse slightly so that he could reach around him and turn on the hot water. Sirius yelped and looped his arms around Remus’s neck just as he spun the hot water faucet. When Remus settled back against the back of the tub Sirius giggled.

“Have I ever told you how much I love it when you throw me around?” he whispered as the hot water began to thunder in and warm the water around them.

Remus grinned at him and reached for more lube. Then he reached between Sirius’s legs and slipped his finger back inside, prompting a punched-out groan against his neck. He added another finger and scissored and crooked his fingers, opening gently and lubing him up. Sirius’s hand had returned to his cock while his other hand clung to the rim of the tub for support as he continued to grind onto Remus’s fingers.

“I’m ready, babe,” Sirius panted desperately.

“Get me ready then, darling” Remus panted as Sirius squeezed around his base.

Sirius smiled through breathy laughter and reached for the bottle of lube.

He poured the oily liquid over his hand and dropped beneath the water, slicking over Remus’s length. When he thought Remus was ready he leaned back and turned off the hot water tap, and Remus noticed for the first time that the water was almost too hot.

Then he raised onto his knees and positioned himself over his length while Remus gripped him by the hips, marveling at the way his torso rippled and flexed as he sunk down onto Remus’s length, his eyes shut tight and his mouth open in a silent moan; that little frown having returned, but for the best possible reason. As Sirius’s cheeks came flush with Remus’s hips they both moaned deeply and Remus leaned his head forward onto Sirius’s chest. He felt Sirius’s hands come around to rest in the nape of his neck and kissed the soft sternum in front of him, waiting for Sirius’s cue that he’d adjusted.

Then Sirius began to rock against him

He leaned back into Sirius’s hands and groaned at the tightness around him. The heat. The feeling of Sirius so completely his. Then Sirius raised himself off slightly and then lowered back down.

“Oh Jesus,” Remus groaned, his eyes shutting in bliss. Sirius laughed slightly.

“Not Jesus, love,” he corrected as he did it again, “just me…”

And it was the first time that Sirius had used the endearment. Remus had been using it for weeks now. He’d been scared the first time. Because while “love” didn’t translate directly into “I love you,” it came pretty fucking close. Sirius was his love. His heart. As much a part of him as Teddy or Tonks, but different. Just his. Only his.

And now Sirius had used the term too. And it made Remus feral.

He wrapped his arms around Sirius and got his knees under him before he lifted Sirius and got to his feet. Sirius yelped again and wrapped his legs around Remus’s waist. He carefully stepped out of the tub and hurried across the hall into Sirius’s room. When he got to the bed, he threw Sirius down. Sirius made a strangled noise as he bounced on the mattress and Remus smiled wolfishly.

“Thought you liked being thrown around, hmm?”

He crawled over Sirius and bracketed his arms around his head and nudged his knees apart before settling between them.

Sirius looked down at his own erection and then looked back up at Remus with a surprised laugh.

“Does it look like I didn’t like you manhandling me?”

Remus dipped his head forward and took his lips hungrily as he positioned himself at Sirius’s entrance again. “It looks like you’re having a perfectly lovely time, frankly.” He said with a smirk as he slammed his hips forward and Sirius arched his back upwards and he cried out.

“Oh, yeah,” Sirius gasped, and Remus really wasn’t sure if it was a reply or an exclamation. He did it again to see if the results differed the second time around.

“Fuck yeah,” he cried and Remus grinned, loving the way Sirius just let go. Just trusted him completely.

He took his weight onto one of his arms and placed the other around Sirius’s cock, lying neglected against his belly. Sirius thrusted into his palm and clenched around Remus. He groaned.

“Baby you feel so fucking good.” Remus moaned. Sirius’s eyes fluttered open and he placed his arms around Remus’s neck again, pulling him closer.

“You feel even better, babe,” he grinned up at Remus as he pistonned back into Sirius, picking up the pace.

“Oh yeah. Oh god. Fuck Remus you’re so good…” he trailed off into incoherent babblings as Remus kept his relentless pace, feeling the sweat drip down his back and from his temples down the column of his neck. Sirius leaned up and licked the line of moisture. He shuddered and felt a tightening in his abdomen and knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He gripped Sirius’s length tighter and worked him between them between snaps of his hips and Sirius was stunned into silence. Remus grinned down at him, knowing that just one more nudge would get him there. He dipped his head down and sucked on his neck.

“Oh my god, Remus, I’m fucking there. I’m coming, love. Fuck!”

And he spilled over Remus’s hand, swearing loudly as he twitched in Remus’s fist as he worked him through his release. When he relaxed into a boneless mass under him Remus kissed the spot he’d bruised with his tongue and pulled out gently, watching as Sirius came back to himself.

“Fuck,” he laughed, opening his eyes and looking at Remus like he hung the stars and lit the moon.

“Alright, love?” he asked stroking his damp hair back from his forehead lovingly.

“Yeah, brilliant,” Sirius grinned languidly, “But you didn’t come.”

He looked at Remus quizzically before getting the look again and pushing Remus back by the shoulder.

Remus chuckled, “it was about you, darling,” he protested as Sirius positioned himself over Remus again, using his hand to line himself up again.

“Yeah well, lucky for you, I want you dripping out of me so…” he trailed off as he sunk back over Remus slowly, and Remus moaned, twitching his hips upward and gripping Sirius by the waist.

Sirius raised himself slightly again and Remus thrust upward once, twice, and a third time before crying out himself and spilling into Sirius as he came with the light from the hallway behind Sirius haloing him like an aura. 

Sirius collapsed against Remus’s chest as Remus’s softening length slipped out of him, and Remus draped his arms over Sirius heavily.

They lay like that for a while covered in each other in more ways than one until they both began to get cold.

Sirius nuzzled into Remus’s neck and pressed a hundred kisses against his skin.

“Hi, love.” Remus mumbled, feeling content and sleepy.

“Can we still get pizza?” Sirius asked sweetly. Remus chuckled.

“I did say anything you want, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Sirius looked up at him, a smug smile on his face.

“Well, I could never say no to you anyway,” Remus leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Are you staying tonight?” Sirius asked, a suddenly quiet, small question so add odds with his brazenness in the last hour.

“What time do you leave tomorrow?” Remus tightened his arms around him.

“He’s released at lunch time,” Sirius replied, “I’m taking the 9am train down to London.”

He smiled into Sirius’s silver eyes, framed with still wet hair and fringed with thick black lashes. The eyes of the man he was in love with, but hadn’t told yet. Not in so many words, anyway.

“I’ll stay the night, then. Want to pass me your phone? I’ll order pizza.”

Chapter Text

The train trip down to London had been long, and Sirius had had almost four hours to contemplate the soft look Remus had given him from the driver’s side of the car when he’d dropped him off at the station.

God, that man was something else.

He’d somehow turned one of Sirius’s more significant internal spirals into this lovely thing; comforted Sirius without making him feel pandered or patronised to, and sent him to sleep feeling delightfully tender in all the right places, including his heart which felt full to bursting with gratitude and love.

Love.

Sirius was sure of it now.

It had only been a month, and he still felt ridiculously insecure, but he knew it to be the truth, and last night had solidified it. So had that morning, waking up with Remus snoring softly against the back of his neck. When he’d snuck out of bed shortly afterwards to make two strong cups of coffee and poached eggs and avo on toast for them to share and brought it back on one of those breakfast trays and had the absolute delight of kissing him awake and being the first thing that Remus saw when he opened his eyes. When Remus had offered to drive him to the station so they could have an extra half an hour together, just laughing at Instagram reels and doing a last-minute tidy in prep.

It had felt so right. It had felt so good. It had felt like Sirius couldn’t possibly deserve it.

And now Sirius sat in the back of the Uber transporting himself and his estranged, recently released from rehab little brother to the train station to take them home to Edinburgh.

Regulus hadn’t said a word to him yet. He’d barely looked at him in fact, other than a quick up and down when Sirius had walked into the rehab facility in London where Regulus was waiting for him. When Sirius had walked through the automatic doors and seen Reg on one of the sofa’s, slouched over and looking like an oversized teenager clad in a black hoody, black jeans and black sneakers, the first thing Sirius noted was how he’d barely changed at all. He still looked too skinny. Pale. Stony. And Reg had taken one sweeping look over Sirius in his blue jeans, scuffed docs and Remus’s jumper – oversized and baggy, but as comforting as Remus’s arms the night before – had rolled his eyes and got up, pulling a suitcase with him as he made his way toward Sirius without a word.

“Alright, Reg?” Sirius asked, trying to sound neutral or friendly and not at all as terrified as he felt. All he had received for his efforts was a snort. Oh good, so he was still acting like a teenager as well as looking like one. Sirius signed him out and Reg followed him out the door as Sirius ordered their Uber on his phone.

Now they were sitting in silence as the car twisted through the streets of London and even the Uber driver had caught on quickly and stopped trying to make casual conversation. Sirius took his phone out his pocket and opened his text thread with Remus. He smiled when he saw Remus had sent him a message since he’d seen him off at the train station earlier on.

-

R:

<3 <3 <3

R:

I’m so proud of you for doing this! <3

-

He swallowed the lump in his throat and picked at the threads of the jumper cuff that reached over his hands. He composed a reply.

-

S:

<3 <3 <3

-

Remus replied almost immediately.

-

R:

How’s it going?

S:

He won’t even look at me.

S:

We’re in the Uber back to the station.

R:

☹

R:

Do you need anything?

S:

Have I told you that you’re my favorite today?

S:

No, love. But thank you. Tell Teddy I said Hi <3

-

“What do you have to smile about?” he heard to his side. He locked his phone and put it back into his pocket, looking at Reg as he stared out his window.

“Quite a bit actually.” Sirius replied.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup. Seeing you for the first time since I was sixteen for one thing.”

He watched as Regulus rolled his eyes and looked toward him with a very Walburga-like sneer.

“You can drop it.”

“Drop what?” Sirius asked, resisting the urge to flinch back at the open hostility.

“Pretending that you actually want to do this. Like you’re not just doing it to assuage your guilt for leaving me in the first place.”

Sirius felt like he’d been slapped.

He realized his mouth was hanging open and shut it with a snap.

He took out his phone and opened Remus’s thread again.

-

S:

My brother is an arsehole.

-

“Who are you texting?” Regulus asked irritably, obviously petulant at not succeeding at riling Sirius up.

Sirius took his time sending the text and locking his phone, placing it screen down onto his thigh.

“My boyfriend.” He said shortly, “my other reason to smile.”

Regulus whipped his head towards Sirius so fast he worried he’d strained his neck. His phone vibrated and Sirius opened the notification to see a selfie of Remus and Teddy holding video-game controllers on the sleeper couch in Remus’s living space. He smiled and sent a heart react.

Reg had no answer to that. He turned back to the window and stared out as they pulled into the taxi bay by Kings Cross. Sirius thanked the driver and got out without another word, moving around to the boot and removing the suitcase. Reg caught up with him as he reached the platform.

“I’m sorry.” Came a clipped voice at his shoulder. He looked down at his brother – still slightly shorter than him, it gave him a kind of childish pleasure to note.

He took a deep breath. “It’s fine,” He replied and he tried to soften his tone.

“I don’t know what to do with this version of you,” he went on, “you’re all kind eyes and gentle smiles at pictures of a cute kid and a handsome man, and wearing an ugly jumper that doesn’t fit you.”

Sirius gave him a sharp look for peeking at his phone without permission when Sirius was looking at the selfie Remus had sent. It felt like an invasion of something lovely and private. Reg at least had the decency to look abashed.

“I’m sorry.” He said again more genuinely, looking suddenly small and like his little brother again. Sirius deflated.

“Look Reg, I don’t know what you expected, but I like this version of me; ugly jumper and all. I’ve worked hard to be this person. And you don’t have to like me, but I’m the best you’ve got at the moment, yeah?”

The train arrived and Sirius rolled Reg’s suitcase to the doors. Reg followed him.

“What’s his name, then?” he asked in a slightly sulky tone.

Sirius snorted.

“Which one, the cute kid or the handsome man?”

Reg smirked, “Either. Both. Is the kid yours?”

Sirius smiled a private smile. He’d be lucky to ever consider Teddy his, but they were a long way away from that.

“The kid is Teddy. He’s Remus’s, my handsome man,” he smirked smugly.

The doors opened and they entered the carriage and found a pair of seats. Reg took a seat across the little table from Sirius after he’d stowed his suitcase in the compartment above them.

“How long has that been going on?” Reg asked.

“A month,” Sirius said sheepishly, “We met at work.”

He looked up at Reg and saw his eyebrow raised sharply, an incredulous look in his eye.

“You love him.”

It was a statement. Sirius looked at him in blank shock. Apparently, that was all the answer Reg needed and he wrinkled his nose; “Ew.”

Sirius laughed a little hysterically and Reg appeared to be fighting a smile of his own.

“Oh god.” Reg went on, “I’m gonna be privy to all of this now, aren’t I?” he gestured to Sirius’s flaming cheeks and flustered gaping.

“You little shit,” Sirius squeaked, “And I was gonna take you shopping tomorrow afternoon…”

“For what?” Regulus laughed.

“I don’t know. For whatever you needed. I don’t know if you chose to look like the goth son of the mayor of Whoville, or if you want clothes that don’t make you look like a corpse.”

Regulus actually smiled then and shook his head.

“I’m fine with looking like the other member of the Adams Family, but I do need a phone…” he said the last part quietly, like he was embarrassed, “Mother confiscated mine when I was admitted to Rehab. I won’t get it back now that they aren’t taking custody of me…”

“You mean she thought you were going home after Rehab?” Sirius felt his heart stop and his blood run cold.

“Not anymore. I told the rehab counselor about… everything. She helped me make a plan. I wrote them a letter and said I wasn’t coming home. I sent it this morning. They thought I was being released tomorrow.”

Sirius nodded. His heart was racing. And his mind was spiraling with thoughts of “what if she comes for him. What if she finds us. What if she thinks it’s my fault he ran away.”

He took a shaky breath and shut his eyes. He tried to think of Remus in his bed that morning, tracing patterns on the bare skin of his back and smirking at him over the lip of the tub last night.

“I’m babying you because you’re my baby.”

It didn’t completely calm his racing heart or settle the sick feeling in his stomach, but it helped.

When he opened his eyes, Reg was looking at him steadily.

“I have an old phone you can use until we can get you a new one,” Sirius finally said.

After that brief moment of levity they settled back into a slightly more relaxed silence, Regulus seemingly content to stare out the window for the four and a half hour trip, and Sirius bringing out his phone to text Remus.

-

R:

You coping? Do I need to send an extraction team?

S:

We actually bonded over you, lol.

R:

Oh? Do tell.

S:

The little shit has eagle eyes. Saw your adorable selfie and asked me about your hotness.

R:

Tell him this hotness is only for the elder Black. I’m not interested in the newer model.

S:

Are you calling me old, sir?

R:

Given that you’re 4 months older than me that would be rich.

S:

You have a kid. That makes you older by default.

R:

Don’t tell me that you don’t wanna call me daddy just a little bit 😉

S:

Remus!!

S:

I am sitting across from my petulant baby bro. You cannot give me an erection; he will notice.

S:

But you’re not wrong.

R:

:* 😉

-

“Please don’t sext your boyfriend while I’m within a ten-meter radius.”

Sirius snapped his head up and looked at Regulus in shock. He found himself gaping like a fish again, speechless.

“That confirms that then…” he smirked out the window.

“Well,” Sirius switched to a smirk, “either we’re gonna have to negotiate that to a smaller radius or you’re gonna be finding your own place a lot sooner than we planned. Because I frequently sext my boyfriend in my own home in the confines and privacy of my bedroom; which sadly violates your 10-metre perimeter.”

“Ugh, you’re actually gross.” Regulus groaned, and Sirius smirked.

“I do much worse than sext him,” he prodded, enjoying watching Reg squirm.

“He likes to come over to mine when he doesn’t have Teddy for a weekend because I like to cook for him before he fucks me.”

“Oh my god. Stop. Stop. I get it.”

Sirius smiled smugly returning to his texts.

-

S:

He literally just commented on you giving me an erection across from him

R:

Not my fault you’re so responsive :P

-

Sirius locked his phone at that and looked out the window, thinking.

Sirius had already known he was in love with Remus before Reg’s untimely observation. It had crept up on him gradually over the last month, throwing out hints in the form of little domestic daydreams that were outshone by the actual experience of being with him; helping him teach Teddy fractions, going shopping with him for Tonks’s birthday gift, planning what to do for Christmas in three weeks – Remus insisted that Sirius would spend it with them. Sirius guessed that might need to be revisited now that Reg was with him.

He’d realized it properly the night before when Remus had arrived unprompted and uninvited to check on him after Sirius had gone radio silent for 24 hours because he wasn’t content to speculate if Sirius was ok, but he should have known before. Maybe when Remus had been destroyed to find out that Sirius’s birthday had passed in November without him telling anyone, or maybe later when he’d gone to the trouble of organizing a quiet dinner out with James, Lily and himself to celebrate in retrospect, complete with a singing waiter and a fudge ice cream sunday with lit sparklers poking out of it.

He hadn’t said it, or even told anyone else, and Reg’s ability to see straight through him unnerved him slightly, but it was the truth. It alarmed him, because he didn’t feel like he had earned any of it. He felt like Remus was giving so much to him, treating him so gently and kindly, and he’d done nothing to deserve it.

Never-the-less, he found himself falling head first, and feeling slightly terrified of the time when Remus would inevitably realize he brought more to the table than Sirius did. 

***

They got home late that afternoon; almost evening really.

Sirius watched Reg closely as he looked around the house, taking in the pre-furnished space he was gradually making his own by subbing out bits that came with the place for things he had bought himself. He watched him take in the space and – frustratingly- couldn’t read him at all.

While Sirius was proud of the life he’d built with the help of Alphard’s money, he’d been conservative with his space. He had deliberately kept some aside for Reg – not that he’d told him that – and that meant he had chosen a smaller flat than he could really afford, and had been gradual with buying his own furniture; choosing instead to use money he’d earned rather than inherited. This meant that the space was a far cry away from where they’d been brought up and Regulus was giving absolutely nothing away as he looked around.

“Are you hungry?” Sirius asked nervously as Reg stood before the mantel, looking at his photos.

“Sure.” He replied, picking up the frames photo Sirius had of he and Reg as kids.

Sirius spun on his heel and fled to his safe place; the kitchen. He brought a Tupperware of pumpkin soup out of the freezer and placed it in the microwave. Then he fetched a slice of cold pizza from last night out of the fridge and ate it while he waited for the soup to defrost. He put some bread in the toaster as well and put on the kettle, bringing out two mugs.

The rest of the train journey had been quiet but not unpleasant. Sirius had comforted himself with the thought that they had now broken the ice and the rest couldn’t possibly be so bad. He’d even shot off a text to Remus, checking if he wanted to meet Reg the next weekend – he thought the next day might be a bit much all things considered. Remus had – of course – been perfectly lovely about it and said he’d make a booking for their tapas restaurant for lunch on Saturday. As the microwave hummed next to him and he mindlessly finished the slice of pizza, Sirius wandered what they’d think of each other.

He desperately wanted them all to get along, but Reg was proving to be just as much of an enigma as usual.

Just as he was considering all of that, the doorbell went. Sirius frowned. He knew it wasn’t Remus – he was with Teddy. For one moment of blinding panic, he imagined it was their parents, having used their evil-Spidey senses to have tracked them up to Scotland to take their heir back and he sprinted to the entry hall just as he heard Reg open the door with a snotty “Er, hello?”

“Hey – oh! You’re not Sirius…” Came the confused tones of one James Potter, panting slightly.

Sirius got to the hall just in time to see James at the door, still jogging on the spot in full winter compression gear – oh, that’s right, they were supposed to go running tonight - as he and Regulus stared each other down like they were sizing each other up. Sirius made a mental note to tell Remus; in any other circumstance – where Sirius’s heart wasn’t still thundering, convinced he was about to be accosted by his hag of a mother – this might have been hilarious. James was still jogging on the spot while he stared for fucks sake. He caught Sirius’s eye over Regulus’s shoulder and his confusion cleared in favor of a grin.

“Sirius!” he greeted, finally stopping jogging to wave, relief clear on his face as Regulus turned around and gave him a wordless “What the fuck is going on?”

“James,” Sirius laughed breathlessly as he walked over to the door, “This is Regulus, my snot-nosed brother; Regulus, this is James, my mate.”

“Brother,” James gave in a tone of realization, “now the doppel-ganger shit adds up slightly better…” he stuck his hand out to Reg who was still regarding him like he had crawled out of a tree. He didn’t shake the hand, opting instead to turn on his heel and disappear back into Sirius’s house as soon as the microwave pinged signaling his soup was done. James looked at him in wide, bespectacled confusion.

“Sorry about that,” Sirius grimaced, moving closer, “he’s er… still settling in.”

“Hey, that’s okay, mate,” James replied easily slapping Sirius on the shoulder, “I didn’t even know you had a brother…”

“Yeah,” Sirius winced, hoping Reg hadn’t heard that. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of Reg, it was only that he was only just getting to the point where he was considering being out to his work mates and colleagues, let alone getting chatty about his abusive upbringing and troubled sibling. He was private by default, but that didn’t mean he loved Reg any less.

“He’s come up from London to stay with me,” he explained, “a bit of a last-minute arrangement,” he settled on.

James nodded and narrowed his eyes at Sirius thoughtfully. “Raincheck on the run then, maybe?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed, thinking that a run was exactly what he needed actually but bookmarking it for when things were less weird at home, “sorry mate, can I tempt you with some pumpkin soup? For your trouble?”

James grinned, “nah, not tonight, my tummy doesn’t like dairy, but maybe we can get a beer tomorrow night instead?”

Sirius grinned properly for the first time since he’d gotten home. “Sounds perfect, text me, yeah?”

“I’ll miss you on my lap of the block!” James called, jogging backwards down the pathway and miraculously missing the birdbath on the curve to the road.

“Do an extra one for me!” he called after him, feeling ridiculously grateful for James Potter.

He shut the door and returned to the kitchen to find Reg already dunking some buttered bread onto his soup at the table.

“Find everything okay?” he asked as he took in the mess Reg had left around the microwave and the now crumb-y mess that was the butter jar, complete with knife stuck into the yellow block.

“So, you’ve just been living this life up here in Scotland, happily pretending the rest of us don’t exist?”

Shit. He had heard, then.

“It’s not like that Reggie,”

“Don’t call me that.”

Sirius flinched. Regulus still hadn’t looked up from his soup.

He sighed, feeling the exhaustion of a lifetime of feeling at war with himself and his family settling on himself again. It was how he had felt yesterday before Remus had dropped in. He’d been worried about this exactly; about how to verbalize the way it felt to feel like you had left a part of yourself behind, but having to go anyway because the alternative was losing yourself entirely. How did you verbalise both all-consuming regret and desperation to someone who had survived what you had escaped?

Reg had been the one to patch him up enough to run away. Reg had been the one to tell him to go. Maybe he had thought that he’d be safe without Sirius there to provoke them into their acts of unspeakable cruelty. Maybe he’d thought that Sirius would come back for him. Sirius had certainly wanted to. But he could barely keep himself under a roof and fed on beans and toast. He’d been living hand to mouth for years before Alphard died; just trying to survive, with no one else to rely on other than the one or two acquaintances who let him couch surf until he could afford the deposit on a flat and regular rent. And through it all he’d gone to bed every night knowing that his brother was probably suffering. He hadn’t known the extent of it until Reg had called him that night of the overdose though.

He knew he had failed Reg, but he was helpless to know what else he could have done.

“Reg, I haven’t been pretending you didn’t exist. I was trying to survive.” He tried to plead without sounding as desperately guilty as he felt and failed miserably.

Reg scoffed, “yeah you look like you’ve been struggling, with your spandex jogging buddy and your zoo photos with your ready-made family and the homey touches in the flat you didn’t have to pay for because Alphard left you everything.”

Sirius felt like Reg had hit him in the solar-plexus with a cricket bat. He shook his head slowly, all the hope he’d been feeling after the train trip draining out of him like he was an unplugged sink.

“Um,” he tried to start, swallowing hard and determined not to say anything he’d regret. He needed to leave the room, now.  “Your room is down the hall – first door to the left. Towels are on the end of your bed and there are some things for you in the set of drawers. Eat anything you like and feel free to take a shower.”

He finished his little speech and was immediately aware that he sounded like he was about to cry. He exited the room and hurried to his own bedroom, fetching his phone from his jeans pocket as he went. He composed a text to Remus as he closed his door behind him and sat on his bed.

-

S:

We just got home.

S:

I wish you were here.

R:

Thanks for letting me know x I wish I were too.

R:

Teddy’s with me otherwise I would be. Everything okay?

S:

I know. You’re a great dad. It’s not a case of otherwise; I’d be there with you both if I could...

̄

There was a sudden incoming call. Sirius answered immediately and Remus’s face appeared on the screen before him. His heart filled to bursting at seeing his face again. He still felt like he might cry though.

“Hi sweetheart.”

“Hi babe,” Sirius smiled tremulously into the screen.

“Your text had me worried, love. Is it all going alright?”

“Where’s Ted?” Sirius asked.

“Having a shower, what’s wrong?” His face looked through the screen intently, searching Sirius’s face for the answer even as he asked. He had that little pinch between his brows that he got when he was worried about something. Sirius hated to make him worry. He saw his own face crumpling in the little corner box that showed his face as it appeared to Remus.

“He knows I failed him,” he said simply, “He knows it, I know it, and I can’t change any of it.”

“Woah,” Remus hushed him, eyes big and brown and full of warmth that Sirius wanted to fall into, “Hold up. What happened? I thought it was going okay?”

“I thought it was,” Sirius said with an effort at composing himself, “the rest of the train ride was pretty quiet but he was never much of a talker, and then we got home and James turned up for a run and I forgot to tell him anything – well you know what I was like yesterday-“ Remus nodded into the camera, “and so Reg thinks I just fucked off and forgot him – made this whole new life without him.”

Remus closed his eyes and grimaced before he looked at Sirius again, his eyes full of sympathy. Sirius hated that he put it there, and somehow was desperate to see it all at the same time.

“You know that’s not true, love,” Remus said in that calm, comforting way of his, “I don’t know all the details of course, but from what you’ve told me, you didn’t have the capacity to look after him until quite recently. You barely had the capacity to look after yourself until the inheritance came through, right?”

Sirius nodded.

“So, part of being a responsible adult means knowing your limitations,” He said in maddingly logical terms, “You wouldn’t be better off starving together, right?”

Sirius nodded again.

“And correct me if I’m wrong, but the whole reason you chose a flat with a spare room was so that you could take him after he got out of Rehab.”

“Yeah, that is true” Sirius nodded.

“So baby,” Remus replied, his smile comforting and kind, “You did the best you could. There’s no way to win when you were both trapped in such an awful place. You just have to get out and go from there. It was never going to be perfect, love. But you couldn’t help him from the inside.”

“I just hate that it took me so long to be able to help…”

“I know baby, I know. It hurts when people we love are hurting. But you can’t fill from an empty cup either. You had to look after yourself.”

Sirius swallowed and nodded, feeling the tears he’d been swallowing back finally slipping down his cheeks.

“Teddy’s just come back from the shower by the way-”

“Oh, crap, sorry I’ll-” Sirius started before he was interrupted again.

“Don’t be ridiculous, he wants to say hi, right Ted?”

Sirius had just enough time to wipe his eyes and stick on a smile when Teddy’s curly head popped into the frame over Remus’s shoulder.

“Sirius, hi! He grinned into the camera, Sirius felt himself laughing slightly as he grinned back.

“Hey bud,” Sirius replied, “who won the round earlier? Your dad sent me a selfie of you guys playing.”

“I did!” he grinned happily, “he’s made me promise him a rematch tho. You should come too! Bring your brother!”

Sirius found himself smiling sadly at that, wishing that he could guarantee that they’d be on good enough terms to do that soon.

“Er, we should wait till Regulus has had time to settle in town first, love,” Remus said with a quick look at Sirius, “He’s been sick for a bit so we wanna give him time to recover.”

“Does he need throaties?” Teddy asked Sirius, “Da has heaps. He also has those wheat sacks that you warm up in the microwave when you have body aches. Maybe Regulus needs one?”

Sirius felt his heart squeeze at this gorgeous child who just wanted everyone to be taken care of. He was so like his dad it made him want to cry all over again.

“Not that kind of sick, Ted,” Remus said quietly, “remember we talked about when people need a bit more time to rest because a lot’s been happening for them and life has been moving so fast that they need time for their hearts to catch up to where they are now?”

“Oooh, yeah…” Teddy nodded seriously into the camera, “Sirius, does your brother need a hug?”

Sirius swallowed. Regulus probably did need a hug, come to that. He hadn’t even touched Sirius yet.

“I’m sure a hug would do him the world of good, Ted.”

“Hey Ted, you need to get ready for bed, so let’s say bye, yeah?”

“Sleep well, Ted, thanks for the chat!” Sirius returned the beam directed at him from the little boy on the other end of the phone.

“Go make your tea, kid,” Remus instructed Teddy, “I’ll say bye to Sirius and then we can make your bed up.”

“’Night, Sirius! Have nice dreams!” Teddy waved to him as he left to make his tea and he had Remus’s undivided attention again.

They looked at each other for a few seconds, and Sirius prayed that some of the gratitude he was aiming Remus’s way could be felt through the screen.

“You gonna be okay, sweetheart?”

Sirius nodded, “Yeah, I’m gonna watch some Masterchef and James wants to take me for a beer tomorrow night. I could come over after for a cup of tea if you’re free?”

“Yes, come over after your beer. I can’t wait,” Remus grinned.

Sirius signed off the call feeling significantly better than he had when he’d fled the scene earlier. He resolved to brave it and go and fetch the rest of his pizza and watch his episodes on his laptop in bed. As he tiptoed through the flat, it was to find Reg’s door already closed and the kitchen looking exactly as he had left it, albeit with Reg’s dirty dishes left on the bench. He tidied up the debris and warmed up his pizza, and on the way back to bed he stopped by Reg’s door.

He knocked softly, but there was no reply. Worrying that Reg had already decided to make a run for it, Sirius tried the door and found it unlocked. He opened it a fraction and looked in to see a human sized lump under the covers, illuminated by the hallway light through the crack he was looking through. He shut the door and returned to his room.

Chapter Text

The pumpkin soup bubbled on the stove, emitting the sweet and spicy fragrance of cinnamon and nutmeg as the steam wafted up.

Sirius had just got home from work to find Reg exactly where he was when he’d left for the bus that morning; in a lump of duvets on the couch watching TV.

They’d reached a kind of impasse between them since their moment on Saturday night. Sirius had gone on his own to get the list of things Reg needed and given him the old phone he’d had refurbished for him on Sunday morning, and then gone to see James for a beer on Sunday night, followed by dinner and cuddles with Remus over Masterchef. He’d stayed until his conscience had got the better of him and he’d slunk back home to see if Reg was up for a talk only to find him already in bed, the door firmly closed.

He continued to avoid Sirius and ignored his existence to the best of his ability for the rest of the week that followed as well.

Sirius would come home from work every night to find the house a mess; wet towels on the guest bathroom floor, dishes piled in the kitchen sink and dirty laundry left in a heap on top of the washing machine rather than inside. Reg only communicated with him in muttered sentences or impassive grunts or otherwise with derisive looks and sardonic eyebrow quirks, but never directly, and never addressing the monumental Black family elephant in the room.

On their breaks they spent together during the work day Remus advised him to give Reg time. There would be a moment for them to work it all out, but maybe Reg needed to work some stuff out in himself before they could properly make amends.

His breaks with Remus were just about the best part of his week in amongst the chaos of work and the awkward sadness of being at home. Phoenix was running about three different holiday specials (deals on contents insurance in case people burned their houses down by letting a holiday candle burn too long or vehicle insurance should the holiday traffic turn into multi-car pile-ups; you know the true spirit of the holidays) and they were run off their feet with calls and emails. Sirius in particular had been put on outbound calls to reach out to those customers who had begun the process of registering as customers and then abandoned their application, his smooth phone manner and ability to flirt his way out of conflict being immediately identified as a pro in the cold-calling process.

The holiday events were beginning to edge closer as well. James and Lily were having a party on the 24^th and the company work do was taking place the night of the 20^th after work to mark the beginning of the Christmas break. Sirius still hadn’t discussed the details of what Christmas with the Tonks/Lupin family would look like now that Reg was in the picture, but he imagined that those details would need to be ironed out soon now that Christmas was only two weeks away.

Sirius frowned as he gave the soup a stir and made a mental note to think about what to get Reg for Christmas. He also reminded himself that he’d signed up to attend a Christmas cooking course at Edinburgh University next week so he could bring something serviceable to Christmas dinner. The thoughts and the tasks and the mental notes continued to list themselves in Sirius’s mind as he stirred the soup until he was jolted from that by his phone vibrating loudly on the counter.

He looked over to the screen and saw it was a call coming through from Tonks’s caller ID.

He frowned, his heartrate spiking suddenly. She’d never called him before. His thoughts went straight to Remus – something must be up for her to be calling on a Friday night at 6pm.

“Tonks?” he asked in leu of greeting; sure that she’d forgive the rudeness.

“Hi, Sirius,” Tonk’s usually easygoing tone was replaced by one of hurry and concern and Sirius straightened against the counter, worried now. Was everything okay? Was Remus alright?

“Everything okay?” He asked, trying to control the wobble in his voice. He didn’t think Tonks had ever used his number to call before. They were still getting to know one another properly and he only had her number for emergencies.

“Sorry, I know it’s late and you have your brother staying at the moment.”

“I do-”

 “I’m on my way to pick up Teddy from his programme-”

That took Sirius aback. He was sure his heartbeat must be audible through the phone now. “Isn’t it Remus’s day today?”

“-That’s why I’m calling. Remus started getting an aura on the bus home.”

Sirius’s stomach dropped. Remus had only had one Migraine since they’d started dating, but it had been bad. He’d been down for a whole weekend and Sirius hadn’t heard from him for a full 72 hours. Remus had been apologetic when he surfaced, and Sirius understood, but that sick feeling returned now with the knowledge that the man he loved was probably somewhere suffering unimaginably while he waited feeling useless.

“Fuck.”

“My feelings exactly. I need you to go pick up his prescription if you can. The lovable idiot forgot to renew it again and now he’s basically unable to leave his darkened room or the cave of duvets he’s likely buried under without being in unimaginable pain.”

“Shit…” Sirius swore vehemently, hating that mental image.

“I know it’s not ideal timing but-”

“No, of course I’ll take him his meds, which pharmacy does he go to?”

She gave him instructions about where to go and what to ask for and then hung up as she pulled in to the aftercare program to pick up Teddy. He took a sec to turn off the stove, taking deep belly breaths to calm the racing of his heart. He made the split-second decision to ladle a few portions of soup into a container and cut a portion of sourdough bread and wrap it in some clingfilm to bring with him and then went through to the entry way to shrug on his coat and scarf and toe on his boots.

“Reg?” He called out.

“Sirius…” Came the muffled response from under the nest of blankets on the sofa.

“I’m stepping out for a second. Remus isn’t well. I’ll be back a bit later. There’s soup on the stove for you.”

“Whatever.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly before he grabbed his keys and called an uber from his phone. No way was he waiting for the bus right now.

Fifteen minutes by Uber to the pharmacy, and a frustrating ten-minute wait at the pharmacy followed by a further ten minutes to Remus’s and he was using the spare key hidden under the mat to unlock the door to the apartment. He struggled to keep his hands from shaking as he turned the key in the door and pushed his way in to the dark entry.

It was eerily quiet. The usually bright and merry space was dark other than the glow of the haphazardly decorated Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. Sirius had been around for its’ decoration. The week before Reg had been released Remus had asked him over to help as he and teddy decorated for the season. It had been an occasion so vastly different to this one that it twinged something in his heart, thinking of how happy and carefree Remus had been then. Then the house had rung with cheesy Christmas carols and the smell of hot chocolate and cookies had lingered as the colourful twinkling lights glittered against Teddy’s delighted face. Tonight the tree was the only light on in the open plan space, standing in the corner like a beacon lighting an otherwise pitch-black room; the rest of the house dead quiet and cold as Sirius quietly placed the soup and bread in the fridge.

He didn’t bother to call out for Remus, but instead filled a glass with water, and went straight to his room.

He cracked open the door and cursed the hinges that creaked as it swung open. Doubly so when Remus whined softly from somewhere under the mountain of pillows and duvets on the bed at the noise.

“Oh, baby,” Sirius whispered approaching quickly and setting the cup of water and the brown paper bag of meds on the bedside and sitting next to the duvet lump and placing a hand on what he thought must be Remus’s shoulder.

“Remus, darling…”

Remus didn’t reply, but the lump shifted and a mop of curls became suddenly visible close to the pillows.

“Remus, I have your meds, sweetheart, can you sit up for me to take them?”

“…no light…” Remus mumbled into the pillows.

“Okay, hold on a second I’ll close the door.”

He got up gingerly, careful not to jostle him before he hurried to the door, closing it as gently as he could before returning to his place.

“Okay, there’s no light love, can you sit up for me?”

Remus grunted his assent, wiggling up out of his pile of blankets just enough to prop himself up. As Sirius’s eyes adjusted to the dark, he could just make out that Remus’s curls were everywhere. His skin looked waxy and pale, and he had his eyes squeezed shut so tightly that Sirius worried he’d burst a blood vessel.

“Don’t open your eyes love, just stick out your tongue or your hand for me and I’ll pop the pills onto it. How many do you need?”

“…two.” Remus groaned, lines appearing on his forehead that Sirius wasn’t sure had been there before tonight. It occurred to him that overall, Remus never frowned that deeply when he was around.

“I’ve gotcha, love,” Sirius soothed in a whisper, taking two tablets from the blister pack and dropping them into the hand that Remus held out to take them. He dry-swallowed them almost immediately.

“I’m just going to help you with some water now, okay?” Sirius asked, berating himself for not thinking of a straw.

He guided the glass into Remus’s hand and held his hand around Remus’s shaky grip to steady it, slipping his other to the back of Remus’s neck to support his head as he drank greedily from the glass.

No sooner had Sirius taken back the half empty glass than Remus immediately shimmied back under the duvet and pulled the pillow over his head. Sirius wasn’t sure if he’d gone back to sleep, but he certainly appeared to be putting up the ‘do not disturb’ sign. Shoving down his feelings of slight hurt at the summary dismissal, Sirius got up from the bed, but not before he’d placed feather light hand on Remus’s shoulder for comfort, unsure of what else to do to help.

He snuck out of the darkened room, closing the door softly behind him and went through into the kitchen and checked his phone to see a text from Tonks.

T:

All good?

S:

Yep, just dosed him now.

S:

Kinda get the impression I should go. Do you think he’d want company later?

S:

Or am I just in the way?

T:

I’d say give him a few hours for the meds to work

T:

But don’t leave yet.

T:

He’s always a bit of a stoic about it but I’d appreciate it if you could stay until he at least eats

S:

Got it. Will do.

-

Sirius thought quickly, pulling up Reg’s thread next, feeling like a terrible brother.

-

S:

I might be back later than expected. Are you alright there on your own for a tick?

R:

Yes, Sirius.

R:

You can leave me overnight you know.

R:

Not about to run away to find cocaine and prostitutes – promise.

S:

That’s not the only reason I’m worried.

S:

Do you need anything?

S:

I can get James to look in if you do?

R:

Sirius

R:

I am 25.

R:

I will be fine until tomorrow.

-

Sirius took a deep breath, feeling inadequate.

It didn’t seem to matter where he went he was disappointing somebody. He could do nothing for Remus until the drugs worked – making him worse than useless while one of the most important people in his life was in active agony. And Regulus seemed pissed off with Sirius’s very existence at the moment. Moreover, he seemed entirely unimpressed with Sirius’s efforts to make amends for what had happened when he’d left and in all the ways that Sirius was trying to bridge the gap now.

He looked around Remus’s house. He figured he could probably find something to do while he waited for Remus to be up and about.

He started with unloading the dishwasher and tidying the kitchen. There wasn’t much to do. Remus was a clean person by nature – not like Sirius – so there wasn’t much to tidy, but Sirius found some surface cleaner and a rag and sprayed the surface and wiped it down dutifully.

Then he moved on to the living space, folding a quilt that had been left on the couch – no doubt from Remus’s trash tv viewing the night before. Before he placed the folded blanket into the hamper by the seating area he indulged in a sniff against the fabric, inhaling the scent of Remus’s preferred laundry detergent; bergamot, and tried to imagine that he was about to worm his way under it with Remus, burying himself in his soft chest hair and finding comfort in his scent and strong arms that seemed to be the only thing that made him feel safe these days.

He changed his course of action abruptly, and settled on the couch, curled up with the quilt spread over him as he browsed through Instagram and pinterest for recipes to try out by the light of the Christmas tree.

An hour and a half later of mindless scrolling and he could no longer ignore the growling of his stomach.

He got up and went to the fridge, taking out the bread he’d brought, cutting two slices and putting them into the toaster while he hunted in the fridge for something to put on a sandwich. He found some ham and some cheese and thought he could probably manage a toastie. When he turned to the kitchen island and placed the fixings down, he looked up to find Remus standing on the other side on the threshold between the kitchen and the passage, blinking in the kitchen light like he was sure he was hallucinating Sirius standing there.

Sirius stood frozen for a second, unsure how to proceed. Then Remus swallowed heavily and his lips started to wobble and he cleared the distance between them in two blinks of an eye.

He let Remus collapse into his hold, and his weight against him was a joy and a relief. Sirius’s arms came around his chest under his arms and Remus sagged into his embrace, burying his head in Sirius’s shoulder breathing shakily and clutching at Sirius’s hoodie like he was a tether to the mortal world.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Sirius asked breathily, still staggering under the physical weight of Remus and the emotional release in the evidence that he was alright.

“I was worried you’d left,” came the muffled croaky voice against his neck. He tightened his arms in response.

“Oh, baby,” Sirius murmured, kissing the side of Remus’s head, “I’m here, love. I’m here.”

“I’m so sorry that I was so-”

“Stop that,” Sirius interrupted, “don’t apologise. You were in pain; there’s nothing to be sorry about. How is your head by the way – meds working?” he leaned away slightly bringing his hand up to cup Remus’s neck, feeling for a temperature. Remus lifted his head and leaned into Sirius’s touch.

“They’re working. I was at an 8.5 pain-wise just before. Now it’s more like a 6.5 or a 7.”

“That’s still so high though love, go back to bed!”

“I didn’t want you to-”

“I won’t go anywhere, Remus. Go back to bed and I’ll bring you some soup. Pretty sure you need to eat soon for the meds anyway.”

Remus nodded, his expression still vulnerable and pinched like he was pushing through the pain with difficulty. “I’ll sit in the lounge? It’s dim enough there.”

Sirius smiled and shook his head at the stubbornness.

“Fine,” he chuckled, pressing a gentle kiss to Remus’s cheek, “head over there now and I’ll bring your soup. You can see me from the couch and make sure I’m not going anywhere.”

Remus kissed him in return – a peck to his lips and a tender hand to his cheek – and stumbled towards the tree-lit room.

Sirius hurried back into the kitchen and took the container of soup from the fridge, placing it into the microwave. He toasted more bread and quickly constructed his sandwich and placed it into the toastie maker.

A few minutes later he made his way over to the living room and found Remus lying on his side on the couch with his eyes closed.

“Food, love.”

Remus sat up and took the tray from Sirius so he could sit.

“Shift up a little?”

“You gonna be my back rest?” Remus asked with a small smile. Sirius returned it and nodded, moving to the end of the couch and sitting with his back against the side and his legs open for Remus to slot between. Remus shifted back still holding the tray and leaned back against Sirius with a sigh of relief as he relaxed against him.

“You alright, darling?”

Remus nodded, picking up a slice of toast and dipping a corner into the bowl of soup. He took a few bites and Sirius reached around to take half of his toastie to nibble on.

“This is amazing,” Remus said after a while, indicating the soup in front of him.

“Thanks baby,” Sirius said around a mouthful of sandwich. He swallowed and kissed the side of his neck.

“Were you making it for Reg?” He asked, always the astute boyfriend.

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed.

“No developments there yet?”

“No,” Sirius sad softly, “he’s still acting like a petulant teenager.”

“I’m sorry…” Remus gave a little weakly, taking another bite and shifting further back into Sirius’s arms.

“It’s alright. He’ll come around.”

They sat for a few minutes, eating contentedly until Remus had successfully finished half his bowl of soup. He set down the tray on the ground and surrendered the rest of his weight back onto Sirius who held him tightly to him and rested his head on his shoulder.

“Tonks called you?” Remus asked quietly.

“Yes,” Sirius replied just as softly, “said you hadn’t picked up your prescription and asked me to get it so she could get Teddy. I should let her know you’re on the way to feeling a little better. She asked me to stay until you’d eaten.”

“Oh,” Remus said starting to get up, “Of course, I’m sure you have to get back to Reg-”

“Sit down, silly man,” Sirius tightened his arms, “I don’t have to go anywhere. I texted Reg, he said he’ll be fine overnight.”

“Are you sure? I have my meds now. I’m used to dealing with this on my own.”

“You don’t have to though. I’m not going anywhere. I want to look after you, okay?”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you’re obliged to…” Remus objected in a slight whine, leaning into Sirius again.

“Remus, listen to me. I asked her if I should stay because I didn’t want to be in your way. She said that you tend to be a stoic about this usually but that I should make sure you eat, but I’m happy to stay until you’re feeling better, okay? I'd prefer it even. ”

Remus nodded minutely.

“Thank you for coming…”

“Of course, my darling.”

“Tell me about the rest of your day?”

Sirius sighed.

“Well, the gulag continues to churn out “customer service”,” he quipped and was rewarded with Remus’s soft snort. “Mary was so exhausted earlier that she sent through a quote for 2022 instead of 2023. The customer came back angry and I took the call because she was in a panic and so I guaranteed them I’d send through an updated quote within the hour, and then I sent through a quote for the wrong year as well and had to send through profusive apologies for two fuck ups in a row.” Remus chuckled softly against him, prompting Sirius to smile despite his internal cringing at the incident.

“Outbounds?” he asked next.

“They’re going,” Sirius shrugged a little, “we get through to one in every five of the customers and only one in ten actually hear us out.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“It is,” Sirius groaned a little, looking at the Christmas tree glowing in the corner and admiring the flickering coloured lights.

“How’s the brain?” Sirius asked.

“Operating at about 30% but if you submit an idea, then I can promise to put in on the queue to think it over later?”

This time it was Sirius’s turn to chuckle.

“I was just wondering about Christmas,” Sirius gave carefully.

“You’ll be with us, right?” Remus gave quickly, like he was worried Sirius had changed his mind.

“Of course!” Sirius confirmed, punctuating his promise with another kiss and a squeeze around Remus’s ribs, “Is it okay if I bring Reg?”

“Yeah, I expected you to.”

“And Tonks is okay with that?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I’m 99% sure that she’ll take the more-the-merrier attitude. She has a soft spot for misfit toys and lost boys.”

 Sirius snorted, “Well that explains why she warmed to me so well.”

“She likes you,” Remus protested, “and besides, you’re not broken or lost.”

“No? I feel it at the moment,” Sirius swallowed heavily, feeling his emotions breaking the surface again.  

Remus turned to him and blinked up at him owlishly, his expression sad.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius backtracked, feeling guilty. It was just like him to make tonight about him when Remus was in pain. He sniffed slightly. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Baby," Remus stopped him, "it’s not the misery Olympics yeah? I might be sitting at a 6/10 on my personal pain scale but you’re on am 8/10 on your emotional scale. We can both be in pain and both be there for the other as much as we can through it all.”

Sirius sniffed suddenly against his will, pressing his forehead into Remus’s shoulder, trying to get a grip.

“But you’re always looking after me. I feel like I’ve never been-”

“Sirius.”

“Yes?”

“I’m gonna stop you there. This doesn’t work like that. We support each other, yeah, but sometimes it’s more give on one person’s end while the other takes because they have less capacity. Other times it’s more equal and then other times the give and take swings in the other direction. I don’t hold it against you that you’re going through something right now. Do you hold it against me that I’m in pain and we have to sit in the darkness and talk?”

“Of course not.”

“Well then there you go.”

To Sirius’s mortification he felt tears stream down his cheeks and his nose started to run.

Remus pulled away and pulled Sirius to his shoulder pressing his face into is neck as he made shushing, comforting noises. Sirius raised a hand to his mouth to stop himself from sobbing loudly.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius groaned into his hand “I am a blender full of feelings and tasks and responsibilities and they are all currently splattering all over my mind kitchen like an emotional smoothie because I forgot to put the lid on."

"God," Remus breathed into his hair chuckling a little, tightening his arms around his shoulders, "You're so dramatic."

Sirius hiccoughed a laugh; "I know. I'm the worst."

"I love you for it" Remus said softly.

Sirius inhaled sharply and pulled back to look at Remus, sure he had imagined it.

But Remus met his look steadily, his eyes darting over Sirius’s expression to gauge his reaction.

“Do you mean it?” Sirius asked his voice choked and desperate.

“Yes,” Remus nodded simply, smiling in that wobbly way again. The lights from the tree cast him in a dim, muted light. Sirius shifted closer.

“But I don’t deserve-”

“Baby we’ve been over this. You don’t have to earn my love. It comes without conditions.”

Sirius sobbed, bringing his hand up to Remus’s cheeks, gazing love back at him with all his heart.

“Me too, baby…”

Remus’s expression lifted and his eyes turned hopeful and overwhelmed.

“You-”

“I love you too, Remus.”

Remus reached up and cupped Sirius’s cheek, his eyes looking suddenly damp and full of what Sirius now realised was abject adoration.

“Can I kiss you?” Sirius asked in a whisper. An expression of disbelief crossed his expression and Sirius huffed a laugh. “Don’t give me that look, you’re in 6/10 pain.”

“You telling me you love me might deescalate that to a 5.5 out of pure euphoria,” he gave with a blissful, tired smile.

“I don’t believe you for a second, but I’m still gonna kiss you.”

“Lucky me,” Remus said with a delighted smile as Sirius leaned toward him. He kept cradling Sirius’s face between his hands and met his lips, returning his languid, adoring kisses with smiling lips.

“Can we go to bed?” Sirius asked between kisses, “I know we can’t-”

“Not for a few hours yet at the least,” Remus replied regretfully.

“But can we just snuggle? Horizontally?”

Remus snorted softly, leaning his forehead on Sirius’s.

“I give you less than an hour before your hands start to wonder. I know you.”

Sirius chuckled, “orgasms are supposed to be good for pain relief,” he countered.

“They are,” Remus conceded, “but we tend to be rather athletic. I just need to lie down for a bit.”

“Then I’ll just hold you till you’re better, baby.”

“Because you love me?” Remus asked with a playful smile.

Sirius nodded, returning it, “Because I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of you saying that.”

“You might – coz now it’s out there I don’t think I wanna say anything else.”

***

Sirius's shoulders moved slightly to the jaunty beat of the Christmas song wafting down through the mall speakers as he moved through an isle with a basket on his arm.

"Remind me why we're out in a mall on a Saturday when we could be literally anywhere else?" 

Sirius fought not to roll his eyes at Reg as he slouched behind him down the sports goods isle in the department store they were in. He strove for a measured tone when he replied. 

"Because I need to Christmas shop and you need to actually see the outside world at least once a week."

"Haven't you ever heard of online shopping?" Reg persisted in his petulant, sulky tone.

"Call me pessimistic," Sirius replied slightly snarkily, "but I don't fancy my odds at getting what I order in time this close to the 25th. There is such a thing as a shipping cut off."

"And who do you even have to shop for anyway?" 

Sirius turned to look at his brother like he'd grown a second head. "You mean besides the people we're spending the day with? My boyfriend and his entire immediate family?" 

"Well, I won't be doing that," Reg gave darkly. Sirius frowned. 

"You've been specifically invited," Sirius gave, "tell me that the manners you were raised with didn't disappear completely with your drug habit in rehab?"

"I haven't even met any of them," Reg insisted, picking up a novelty set of golf balls and looking at them skeptically. Sirius walked over and plucked them out of his grip, piqued. "Oi! What was that about manners?" he asked indignantly as Sirius checked the back for the price and dropped them into his basket feeling pleased with himself. 

"Remus plays golf," Sirius shrugged as he carried on, "it can be your gift to him. Besides, you were supposed to meet him tonight but he's recovering from a migraine so we're rescheduling to tomorrow night."

"We really don't have to," Reg said, following close behind, "I really don't need to meet your flavour of the month."

Sirius stopped abruptly and rounded on Reg who seemed surprised at the intensity of his reaction. 

"You know that's not what he is, and I'll thank you to not say things just for the sake of getting a reaction, especially when those things undermine my relationship."

Reg blinked at him a few times like he was looking for a way to respond. There was defiance in that look, but also a touch of shame.

"I don't know what you think you're achieving or proving by behaving like a child, but it's not working. I'm not going anywhere and unless you want to leave I'm not gonna kick you out. But you can't talk about the people I love like that. Have a go at me - I can take it; but they didn't desert you. I did. They don't deserve it."

Sirius turned and strode down the isle again, looking for the gift he'd seen online when he was planning his shop and trying to control his emotions. He found what he was looking for a little further on; a vegan leather 'gentleman's golf kit' complete with tees, eco-friendly, biodegradable golf balls and rangefinder. The case could be personalised at request.

"If I'm gonna get him a gift it's got to be better than golf balls painted like other kinds of sports balls." Reg insisted sidling up to him in an abrupt change of tone. "Does he have decent golfing gloves?"

Sirius fought his bemused smile at that and reached for a set from the bin of cream leather gloves with tan trim marked L for "large".

"His set have seen better days," he replied, handing him the pair to look at. 

"Oh, a large is he?" Reg asked dryly. 

Sirius snorted, "damn right he is," he returned with a smirk. Reg elbowed him in the side. 

"Gross, Sirius." he groaned

"You literally started it!" Sirius laughed.

"You're supposed to be the elder of us - doesn't age come with maturity?" 

"Not where dick jokes are concerned," Sirius doubled over, his laughter intensifying.

"Ugh," Reg groaned turning and walking to the next isle, "who else are we buying for?" 

"Teddy, Tonks and Fleur."

"Teddy being the cute kid from the selfie I wasn't supposed to see, and the other two are..."

"Tonks is Teddy's mum and Fleur is her wife."

Reg stopped and turned with a raised eyebrow, "Do I want to know the specifics of that dynamic?"

Sirius snorted again, "They're quite simple. Teddy was the happy product of an experiment between Tonks and Remus whereby they both confirmed they were queer."

The second eyebrow shot up to join the first.

"Okay, so an interesting family."

"Yeah, they're great, honestly. I was really nervous to meet Tonks. I don't have the best track record with mums, you know?" Reg snorted at that, "but she's just like warmth and sunshine personified. She's still Remus's best friend apart from Lily - James's wife?"

"And what are we buying for them?" 

"Tonks and Fleur love plants. I was thinking of getting them a bonsai starter kit. Or maybe pink Philodendron?"

"And Teddy? 

"That's honestly the easiest one," Sirius grinned, "He loves Lego." 

"Ok, cute," Reg said nodding. "Maybe I can get the bonsai kit for Fleur and Tonks and you can get the plant? And does Teddy have a set he's trying to complete?"

A bubble of warmth burst inside Sirius at the sudden turnaround. He rolled his lips into his mouth to hide his grin at Reg's decision to get involved.

"He's trying to complete his Nat-geo set. I wanted to get him the Emperor penguin, but you could get the Macaw?"

Reg nodded and bit his lip thoughtfully. 

"Sirius?" 

Sirius stopped in his tracks on their way to the toy isle and turned to find the very people they had been speaking about approaching from the kids clothing section.

"Tonks? Hey! we were just talking about you!" 

She grinned and hurried over, Teddy trailing after her and speeding up when he saw who his mum was talking to. 

"Hi Sirius!" Sirius braced and received the projectile that was Teddy coming in for a hug. 

"Hi, Ted," Sirius laughed, hugging him back. He turned slightly to Reg who was hovering close by and gestured between him and Tonks. 

"Tonks, Ted, this is my brother Reg."

"Hi, Reg," Tonks grinned moving in to shake his hand warmly, "I've heard a lot about you, and I know Sirius was so excited to have you come and stay."

Reg shot a curious glance to Sirius and back smiling politely. 

Teddy hugged Sirius tighter and peaked around his side to see Reg looking at him curiously. "Hi, Reg," he said shyly.

Sirius watched carefully as Reg's curiosity melted and his expression softened into a genuine smile. 

"Hi Teddy," he said, "I'm so happy to meet you." 

Reg let Sirius go and walked around to shake his hand like his mum had. Reg met the proffered hand with an amused smile.

"What brings you guys out today?" Sirius asked, turning to Tonks.

"Just getting some more winter things for the beanpole," Tonks indicated Teddy. "Have you heard from Remus today?" 

Sirius hoped he wasn't blushing. "I left him this morning," He said, "he was feeling a lot better."

"I bet he was," Tonks said with a cheeky twinkle. "Will I need to check in later? Bring over any provisions?"

Sirius shook his head, "Nah, I left him some soup and I'm gonna take him dinner tonight."

She smiled, "That's good of you, Sirius."

He flapped his hand sheepishly, "it's not a problem. What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"We were going to get some ice cream!" Teddy piped up from where he'd been chatting away to Reg who'd been listening patiently. Sirius knew what was going to come next before Teddy even turned to Tonks with that characteristic enthusiasm and asked:

"Mum! Can Sirius and Reg come with?"

Tonks laughed as Sirius snorted in amusement as Reg sent an expression of alarm Sirius's way. 

"If they have time, darling," she laughed, "I certainly don't have a problem with it," she looked at Sirius with an amused look that he returned as he nodded and thanked her for the invite. 

That was how they found themselves waiting their turn at the mall gelato stall while Teddy pressed his nose against the glass and asked all and sundry to weigh in on the benefits of the combinations of passion fruit and roasted marshmallow, vs milk chocolate and kiwifruit. Reg gave Sirius an incredulous look at the options. 

"He knows that chocolate and kiwi fruit can be a nice combination because Remus gets this gourmet ice cream with that exact combination." Tonks explained to them. Sirius gaped. 

"I knew he liked chocolate with everything but that might be taking it a bit far."

Tonks shrugged and turned back to Teddy, "Love, maybe try the passion fruit today, since you've had the kiwi fruit before."

Teddy considered his options seriously and then turned back to Tonks with a stricken expression. "But what if they stop making the kiwi fruit and then I never get to have it again?"

Sirius smothered his amusement and stepped forward, "I promise if they discontinue the kiwi-fruit I'll make you some, okay, Ted?" 

Teddy's anxiety shifted into an expression of wonder. Sirius didn't think he'd ever get tired of being looked at as if he was actually a miracle worker for being able to conjure Teddy's favourite foods from scratch. The little boy grinned and told the lady behind the counter who had been watching their interaction with immense amusement that he wanted passion fruit and toasted marshmallow and Tonks ordered a scoop of Ambrosia. Sirius turned to Reg. 

"Still a strawberry and cream fiend, Reg?" 

Reg smiled grudgingly and craned his neck to see the options. "You can't beat a classic, oh brother of mine, but I think I'll combine it with a scoop of mint chocolate." 

Sirius grinned and made his way to the counter, ordering Reg's choice and ordering himself a scoop of apple crumble and salted caramel.

They returned home a few hours later after they finished their gelato and the rest of the shopping. They left the gift packages in the entry and disrobed of their coats and scarves before heading to the kitchen to put on the kettle. Sirius look 2 Tupperware containers of precooked lasagna out of the freezer - one for them and the other for Remus to defrost for dinner.

"You were right."

Sirius turned curiously to Reg who sat at the counter watching Sirius potter around with an unreadable expression. 

"I mean I usually am, but you'll need to be more specific, Reg," Sirius returned with a smirk. He rolled his eyes.

"When you said I was trying to get a rise out of you," he elaborated. 

Sirius's smile faded, and the glow around their lovely afternoon faded at the return to this topic. He came to the counter and leaned against it so that he was across from Reg. 

"Why?" he asked carefully.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just looking for the proof that you're as bad as I thought you were inside my head after you left."

That punched feeling was back, but Sirius let it was over him as Reg took a deep breath and went on. "I keep expecting you to decide it's just not worth it to have me here and chuck me out."

Sirius swallowed and thought about how to respond to that.

"You get that when I left, I was leaving them, not you, right?" 

Reg nodded. "I had a video therapy session the other day. She reminded me that you trying to survive doesn't translate to you abandoning me."

Sirius nodded frantically, "I never wanted to leave you with them Reg. I always had in mind to have a place for you as soon as I was in a position to afford it."

Reg listened and bit his lip. "Teddy seems absolutely adorable."

Sirius breathed out a bewildered laugh at the change of topic, but he nodded his agreement. "He's the best."

"He loves you," Reg gave looking down at the counter and using his thumb nail to scrape at a mark there.

Sirius frowned and he rounded the counter to stand next to his brother. 

"Me finding new people to love doesn't mean I have any less space in my life for you, Reg." 

Reg considered that for a minute and then tipped his head onto Sirius's shoulder. Sirius raised his arm around him and pulled him closer, resting his head on Reg's. 

"I'll always have a place in my heart for you. I promise."

They stood like that for a second, and then Sirius felt Reg's arm slip around his waist in return as he leaned further into his side, hugging him back.

Chapter Text

Sirius’s boyfriend – Remus – was a tall drink of water with eyes that somehow twinkled with both shyness and mischief at the same time.

Regulus could tell at once why Sirius liked him. He gave off a kind of unshakeable sureness that (despite his best efforts) immediately put him at ease as he shook Remus’s hand at the Tapas restaurant table on Sunday afternoon.

Sirius looked between Remus and Regulus with the air of someone on the cusp of trying to diffuse a bomb. They had arrived at the restaurant and he had immediately strode forward with Regulus in tow toward a corner table where an attractive, curly-haired man sat waiting wearing a burgundy sweater vest over button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow in the artificial warmth of the room. As Regulus had watched, Remus stood with a smile and more-or-less caught Sirius as he’d flown into his arms. After a hug, they’d shared a brief and chaste kiss, and then Sirius had turned to Reg sheepishly and introduced them.

“Regulus,” Remus said with a warm smile, “I’ve been so looking forward to meeting you.”

“Likewise,” Reg gave with a shy smile, “I hope you’re feeling better? Sirius said you weren’t well.”

Remus blushed and shrugged, “Your brother chose the bloke with a broken head…”

“Hey,” Sirius smacked Remus lightly in fond reproval, "it’s a finders keepers situation – no takesies-backsies…” he glared flirtily.

Remus narrowed his eyes playfully with his tongue in his cheek. He turned back to Reg with a dusting of pink over his cheeks.

“I’m much better as it happens, thank you for asking, Regulus.”

“Just Reg is fine,” Reg laughed incredulously at their little interaction and Sirius gestured for them all to sit. He sat between Reg and Remus in the booth, shooting looks between them as they all settled into their seats and picked up their menus. The waitress came over and rattled off the specials as she poured them all glasses of water to begin.

"So Reg," Remus asked, taking a sip of his water after she left, "Do you have an idea of what's next for you?"

Reg darted a suspicious look toward Sirius. He wondered if he'd put Remus up to asking the question. Sirius had said that he was welcome for as long as he wanted, but maybe he was already questioning his decision. Sirius, however, only met his eye tentatively, also curious in an open, interested way rather than conniving.

"I haven't given it too much thought," Reg said, deciding to take the question at face value, "I thought I could think about it more in the new year?"

Sirius smiled at him encouragingly, and Remus nodded. 

"Do you have any interests that could help you narrow down your options?" 

Reg thought about that. He’d never really had any responsibility. He’d only ever really drifted, aimless and purposeless through his life, waiting for the day a prominent family member would die and he was able to take his place as heir. As such, he was twenty-five and had never had a job or even really a hobby of his own other than drugs. He didn’t even know where to start with finding a purpose.

"I think I like the idea of getting involved in business or management?” He started, thinking of the odd occasions his father had shared the affairs of the company with him and what he’d found interesting, “I was never allowed to have any actual say in my family's business - never trust the addict with the accounts, right? But when I was called in to sit in on meetings, I did find it interesting; the ins and outs of it, you know?"

"I didn't know that Reg," Sirius gave placidly, clearly not enjoying talking about the Blacks but not wanting to make a scene. It got Reg's back up. He’d been free for the last decade. He had hobbies and interests and a job that he supported himself with. He had a life of his own that he’d had time to carve out. Regulus hadn’t. So much of his life had been wasted by waiting and now he was being given the tenth degree because he didn’t know what he wanted. 

"You wouldn't know because you weren't there." He muttered sharply and then regretted it immediately when Sirius flinched like he'd been hit. He tried to cover it by having a sip of his water, but Reg caught Remus sneaking his hand onto Sirius's knee and presumably giving it a squeeze as he turned back to Reg with a tight smile. 

"Is it the management side you enjoyed or the numbers?" Reg didn't know if he was imagining it, but Remus's tone was fractionally colder after his barb at Sirius. He resisted the urge to shrink back as if he'd been reprimanded.

"Numbers are pretty interesting, but I like the idea of organising and scheduling as well." He said with a deliberately softer tone. Remus nodded at that as Sirius studied the menu, collecting himself. Reg felt shame creeping up his throat and the moment threatened to grow awkward until Reg cleared his throat, trying to save the conversation. 

"What about you, Remus? Sirius told me you're on the Financial advice side of Phoenix insurance?"

Remus nodded and let Sirius shift fractionally closer to his side in the booth. Regulus thought he could see them holding hands under the table. "It's a good gig for now, lets me use my accounting diploma and help people not to get in the financial shit."

"Remus is amazing with numbers," Sirius elbowed him fondly, protesting his humility and Remus blushed slightly. 

"Not too good at teaching them though," Remus snorted self-deprecatingly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Remus is just jealous because Teddy responded better to my explanations of fractions than his. Turns out an eight-year-old can conceptualize halves and quarters better when they’re explained as cups, teaspoons and pizza slices instead of digits on a sheet of paper. He did help me figure out my taxes and budget a few weeks back though, so I can personally vouch for his abilities."

"Do you like teaching, Remus?" Reg asked, fascinated by the back and forth between Sirius and this tactful, cozy man who seemed totally besotted with him.

"I do a bit," Remus gave shyly, shooting a look at Reg with a more relaxed smile. "Maybe one day I'll do a teaching diploma and see if I’m any good..."

Sirius gave Remus an incredulous look, "See if you're any good…" he parroted in disbelief, "you'd be brilliant. You’d be the teacher that all the straight boys wanted to be best mates with and all the straight girls and gays would moon over."

"Shut it you," Remus blushed crimson and flapped at Sirius to stop. Sirius smirked.

"You'd have been my sexual awakening if you taught me," Sirius gave with a grin and waggling brows and Remus's blush deepened further. Reg decided to save him and pretended to retch. Sirius and Remus both burst into laughter at that as the waitress arrived at the table to take their orders and the ice was well and truly broken between them. 

The rest of the meal passed pleasantly, with good food and even a little bit of wine going around to lubricate the initially tense conversation and helping Reg to relax even though he didn't personally partake in any of the alcohol. 

Remus was as charming and lovely as he had initially appeared. He also had a dry, sharp sense of humor that Reg particularly appreciated.

More than that though, Remus's world clearly revolved around Sirius. He grinned and groaned fondly at his jokes, and listened avidly when he spoke. He happily let Sirius touch him on the arm whenever he spoke to him, and delightedly accepted the knee squeezes under the table with an air of surprised delight like he could hardly believe Sirius was real, let alone his. And Sirius glowed whenever Remus looked at him. As brash and crass as always, Remus's presence softened all his edges and anchored him in a way that Reg had never seen before. He realised that something in him felt soft and gooey – even happy for Sirius that he had found someone who so readily caught anything he threw at him and held it like something precious. Sirius had never felt accepted or enough for anyone (thanks to their parents), but Remus seemed to have a place set aside in his heart that was there only for Sirius, that only he with his big feelings and unconventional charm and eccentricity could fill adequately.                                                                      

When the meal finally concluded and Remus had driven them back to Sirius's ("You really don't have to babe-" Sirius had said only half-heartedly when Remus had offered, only to capitulate immediately when Remus raised a dry brow in response), Reg went through to his room and shut the door against the sounds of Sirius making Remus a cup of tea in the kitchen. If he strained, he could just hear Remus laughing a musical chuckle and the low tones of Sirius saying something no doubt out of pocket and filthy to prompt it. 

In spite of himself, Reg found himself smiling slightly in response. 

He had expected that meeting the people Sirius was making a life with would be painful, even isolating, but instead, he had the distinct feeling of being included; with everyone from Sirius's boyfriend, to his kid and best-friend-co-parent being demonstratively excited to meet and involve him. Everyone he'd met so far had been open and lovely despite what Sirius must have told them about his family and childhood. Sirius had even informed him that even James (who Reg had made a decidedly terrible impression on on that first day) had specifically invited him to their Christmas party. As he experienced more of Sirius's life, Reg felt like he understood and even liked Sirius more by the day. 

He found himself wanting to do something nice for Sirius - something to express his gratitude and support for the choices he was making and the life he was building for himself. An idea forming, he made his way to the suitcase he'd stashed in his wardrobe. He unzipped it and dug into one of the internal pockets, fishing out the envelope he kept there. 

When he found it he brought it to his bed, opening it and quickly counting the freshly minted one hundred Pound bills within that he had cleared from his bank account before his parents had cancelled his cards when they had admitted him into rehab. There were at least a few thousand pounds in the envelope. Plenty for what he had in mind.

***

Sirius had never felt more like a fish out of water than the day that he walked through the halls of Edinburgh University armed with nothing but an old fabric roll of chef's knives and a notebook and pen in a tote bag.

He had taken a half day off and come early for the course, curious to look around the uni grounds and explore.

James had come with him, initially offering him a lift to and fro in exchange for the opportunity to have a good old snoop around one of the most beautiful campuses known to mankind, but finally also signing up for the course after hearing Sirius wax lyrical about learning to make an honest-to-god Christmas turkey and Figgy pudding. Sirius suspected he was mostly bored at home and had sensed Sirius's nerves and so decided to come as moral support. It just so happened that he’d also taken the week before Christmas off and so he had the luxury to mooch around for the sake of his insecure mate.

Edinburgh uni was stunning - all gothic and medieval structures, stunning courtyards and beautiful gardens. The incredible campus was only enhanced by the weather. A cold snap had arrived that week, blanketing the town in a blanket of snow - ensuring the grounds were nothing short of magic. 

"Makes you feel like some kind of medieval scholar on the way to learn alchemy or potions, doesn't it?" James asked with a grin looking around the campus enthusiastically. 

"It definitely feels like something from a gothic or fantasy novel," Sirius said, doing a little twirl as he walked to get the full effect of the moody and magical setting.

"Did you study before?" James asked conversationally.

"Nah," Sirius replied a little sadly, "It wasn't really an option for a long time. What about you?"

"I did a semester at Cambridge before I realised that long term tertiary study wasn't for me and transferred to a poly-tech."

"What did you study there?" 

"Sport science."

"That makes sense," Sirius commented with a chuckle. 

"Yeah," James laughed, "I always wanted my job to be active."

"So naturally you now work in insurance?" Sirius asked, confused. 

"For now," James smiled placidly, "step one is settling in the city, after that I'll start putting feelers out for other options. There's time, anyway."

Sirius frowned a little at that. James was so sure that it would all work out. He had a kind of unshakable sureness that Sirius envied.  

And he had been thinking about his future a fair bit since the conversation at the Tapas bar on Sunday. 

It had been Remus's comment about retraining as a teacher that had prompted it really. 

For as long as Sirius could remember, his priority had been survival; getting out of his parent's house alive, having somewhere to sleep and something to eat, getting as far from the influence of his parents as humanly possible and starting again. He'd only ever thought in terms of the immediate future - never the next few years, and never in terms of doing more than the bare minimum to survive. 

But now, Sirius was thinking about his job and its satisfaction rate (or lack thereof), and found himself wondering what else he could do other than answer phones and emails about insurance. The fact that he was walking through a university only days after he'd begun to consider his alternatives seemed like one of those serendipitous moments where the universe had opened a door in his brain and begun to trickle through something new. He looked around the gothic arches and the academics bustling around and thought that maybe studying was an answer to what he could do.

After the initial panicked thoughts of "how would I survive if I didn't work full time" Sirius was able to remind himself he had savings now (thanks to Alphard) and he could still work part time if he needed. The next question was what he would study. He was sure that the obvious answer would probably be hospitality or gastronomy, but the more he thought about it, the more he thought he'd prefer cooking not to be his livelihood. He loved to cook, but most of the fun was cooking for people he loved like Teddy and Remus, not for strangers who wanted him to constantly innovate or cook to a clock. He wanted it to stay fun and comforting, not become stressful and competitive.  

Alternatively the idea of being in boardrooms and offices also made him want to combust with claustrophobia.

No, he definitely preferred to do something practical, but the question was what. Teaching could be fun - Sirius loved kids - but he was embarrassed to admit that he was worried people would think he was just copying Remus if he went in that direction. Healthcare could be interesting, but the amount of time it would take to train was daunting, let alone the promise of long hours and the stress of the actual job years later.

As he had these thoughts, Sirius walked through the doors to some kind of reception area. James said something about finding a loo and hurried off leaving Sirius looking around curiously. The room was a mix of modern and ancient, the pillars on each side of the desk and the arched windows a stark contrast to the sleek leather couches and the modern front desk surrounded by Perspex. On either side of the desk manned by a tired looking woman in a red roll neck and gold cat-eye glasses, there were stands of recruitment booklets of available courses. 

Interested, Sirius wandered closer and took a look. There were arts courses, the booklet listing degrees in anthropology, political science and English. As much as he’d enjoyed the arts in school he didnt think it was for him now. He picked up a booklet of the faculty of science and one for architecture, and turned to the other side of the desk, seeing even more pamphlets over there - a dizzying array of options that made his stomach plummet in a combination of indecision and inadequacy. Somehow it made him feel worse seeing all the options he was sure he'd probably fail at dismally.

the woman must have noticed his bewildered expression. She smiled kindly and spoke. 

"Too many options, aren't there?" she said in a soft Scottish accent.

Sirius nodded with a nervous chuckle, blushing slightly as he realised he'd been gaping like a fish in the reception. 

"Thinking of studying?" 

Sirius cleared his throat and came closer. "Uhm, it's more of an idea right now..."

"That's exciting," She said genuinely, "We have appointments for people considering starting - to talk through their options you know?" 

Sirius stepped closer, piqued. "Do you have to have any solid plans?" he asked, feeling shy and embarrassed to be asking questions like an eighteen year old figuring out how to be an adult. She shook her head with that kind look again. "You can just be getting started - do you want to book something for the new year?"

Sirius stepped forward with a hopeful feeling beginning to unfurl in his chest. 

Five minutes later he turned to the doors, intending to look for James, only to find his friend standing just inside the room by the doors, watching him with a small, curious smile. 

Sirius elbowed him on their way out and James made an exaggerated punched noise like Sirius had wounded him gravely. 

"I don't want to talk about it," he preempted as James continued to look at him expectantly while they walked to the building they were due at in a short amount of time. 

James gave him a raised brow but didn't push it. 

Later, when they were in the uni kitchens being given the summary of what they would learn that evening Sirius nudged James softly. He leaned toward him slightly to listen. 

"Do you think I'm ridiculous? To think about studying so late?"

James looked at him with a puzzled frown. "Why would that make you ridiculous?" 

"Seems like I should be happy with what I have maybe? Or just be content and secure for a while, you know?"

James smiled warmly. "Just because you have a good life now doesn't mean it can't be better - more satisfying or enriching." 

"And you don't think Remus..."

"Remus would be proud no matter what you did - but go on..."

"You don't think he'd be embarrassed to be dating someone starting all over again?"

"Would you be? If things were reversed?"

Sirius shook his head emphatically. When Remus had spoken about retraining all he'd felt was excitement for him. He said as much. 

"I think I'd just be excited that he was doing something he was excited about."

"Exactly, Sirius." 

Just then they were shushed by one of the other students with a quelling glare, but Sirius smiled to himself in spite of the telling off, feeling infinitely grateful for James Potter.

***

When they had started dating just over a month ago, Sirius and Remus had decided to keep their relationship discrete at work. There was no conflict of interest given that they were on different teams and there was nothing in the workplace policy that prevented any “fraternization”, but they decided more or less mutually that while they found their feet together it would be easier to avoid the inevitable scrutiny that dating a coworker (regardless how removed their department) would inevitably garner.

It was for both of them, really.

Remus knew that his coworkers (barring James) assumed he was straight due to the photo of Teddy he kept on his desk. It was a function of heteronormativity that any mention of a kid and a dad immediately conjured up the idea of a mum in the periphery, and Remus had mentioned Tonks often enough that everyone just assumed she was his ex and that they were co-parenting. He didn’t go out of his way to deceive anyone, but he didn’t encourage anything to the contrary either. It seemed safer than the gossip being out would prompt, and Remus resolutely despised being the object of scrutiny regardless of how “supportive” it might be.

Sirius understood Remus’s aversion to being the center of attention and agreed to keep their relationship out of work, rationalizing that since he was still establishing himself in a relatively new situation, he didn’t want to rock the boat too much.

So they were careful. They took their breaks together outside, finding shelter from the changeable and freezing Scottish weather in the office's glassed off roof terraces that were deserted at this time of year so they could talk openly and occasionally hold hands between bites of lunch, or even chance the occasional peck on the cheek or forehead.

Remus had always known that Sirius more or less went along with him regarding workplace discretion. He got the distinct impression that Sirius was being sensitive to his wishes rather than having any real concern over his peers and their feeling about him being out at work.

In the call center there were a few openly gay employees, not least of which was Minnie, their team leader who was openly married to another woman. It was unlikely to cause the kind of surprise that Remus knew the revelation about himself would cause, and Sirius’s relatively recent addition to the team would easily explain his privacy in the lead up. No. Sirius was deferring to Remus in the same was he always did. He suspected he was simultaneously terrified that Remus would leave if he threw more insistence behind the suggestion that they tell more than James and Lily, and he was also just predisposed to follow Remus’s lead in their relationship as he had from the start. He was a people pleaser, and in every other situation that had arisen, Remus had tried to encourage Sirius to stand up for his feelings and desires. Other than with this. Because Remus was comfortable.

Not for the first time, as he entered the Phoenix Christmas party and saw that Sirius was already there nursing a mug of mulled wine, he was uneasy with the idea that he probably felt (at least a little) like Remus was trying to hide their relationship. Remus had told himself it was to avoid drama before they were established, but there was more than a little part of the reasoning that had more to do with wanting to maintain the equilibrium between himself and his (almost exclusively straight) peers at work.

That had all changed when he and Sirius had declared their feelings for each other. After that memorable night on the sofa and the even more memorable morning after when Remus had been on the road to recovering and up to some gentle, affectionate love-making, that voice that told Remus to hold off was getting steadily quieter by the day. And the one that told him he wanted to rent a bloody billboard to advertise how over the fucking moon he was that Sirius was his was getting louder.

The Christmas party was being held (ironically) at the bowling alley where it had all started; the one where he and Sirius had sat in a bubble created by booze and mutual attraction and flirted about Sirius’s “swing”. The one where just a few weeks later he’d taken Sirius for their first date and given him a "lesson" on letting go. He didn’t know what twist of fate had brought them back there that night, but as he watched Sirius talking and laughing and flirting (it really wasn’t his fault, it was just in his nature) with a group of ladies, he started to forget exactly why it was so important to be discrete at all.

Sirius was resplendent in his signature leather jacket and ripped jeans, Christmas-ified with a burgundy Henley worn underneath. His cheeks were pink with drink and his eyes shone so brightly they might put the Silver Bells being crooned about through the speakers to shame. He was a vision and Remus ached to tell him so; to walk right over to where Mary was (innocently, he was sure) draping herself over Sirius’s side as she told a story, interrupt and pull him straight into a kiss that no one would forget.  

“I hear you met Reg,” James said, sidling up to Remus where he was loitering by the drinks table with a knowing twinkle and a nudge to his side to let him know he was staring.

“I did,” Remus laughed, remembering the interaction on Sunday in all its awkward glory.

As Remus told James about the bewildering but hopeful dynamic between the brothers, Sirius split from his little group and wondered over to a table of snacks. A woman that Remus didn’t know but recognized from the call center as a holiday temp was making conversation with him and being particularly friendly. She followed Sirius back to his group and shifted close to his side, prompting him to take a step away to put distance between them. This prompted a rather hilarious dance where following a step into his space, he would step again to the side and she would shift closer again, closing the space between them. Marlene and Mary and the other ladies who were also in the group had to accommodate each of these shifts and also stepped to the side every time Sirius did. The effect was slightly ludicrous. Essentially, they were all moving in a circle incrementally, just so that Sirius could avoid the advances of this woman without making a scene. Remus fought not to laugh.

“Ring-a-ring-a-rosie…” James muttered in amusement as he obviously saw it all too.  Remus chuckled, sharing an amused look with him as they watched.

“Want me to go rescue him?” James asked in a low voice.

“Oop, No need,” Remus grinned appreciatively as Lily joined the group, stepping deftly between the woman and Sirius and meeting her glare with a professional, cool as a cucumber smile, “your wife seems to be swooping in with her HR face to sort her out,” Remus smiled into his eggnog, taking a sip.

Lily turned from the sulky faced woman and whispered something to Sirius who grinned gratefully and bowed in an elaborate, gallant fashion, making her blush and laugh before she took his proffered hand and was led to one of the vacant bowling alleys for a game.

“Did Sirius tell you about the uni?” James asked, prompting Remus to startle from his observation and look at James curiously. At Remus’s frown, James face-palmed. “Oh, shit I hope it wasn’t supposed to be a surprise… Fucking nog always makes me talkative.”

Remus chuckled, still feeling bemused. What uni?

“Well you can’t leave me with nothing, James. What uni?” he asked, unable to stop himself.

James groaned softly, face showing him openly at war with himself over how to answer.

“James,” Remus laughed incredulously, “It’s not a big deal if you feel like it’s between you and Sirius. He’ll tell me eventually, I’m sure.”

James gave a long-suffering sigh (which Remus thought was slightly dramatic, honestly) and fixed Remus with an assessing look.

“On Wednesday we were at the uni – don’t ask me why,” James started, and Remus stepped closer, intrigued. “All I’ll say is that Sirius seemed pretty inspired…”

“Oh?” Remus asked curiously, “Did he seem interested in studying?”

James held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. “That’s all I’m at liberty to say… more than, even.”

Remus rolled his eyes fondly and looked over at Sirius where he was still playing a round with Lily (and loosing, poor dear).

He picked up the ball he was looking for on the rack and straightened, catching Remus watching from his spot by the table. He winked and Remus felt himself blush, but he held the eye contact in slight challenge. Sirius was the first to break it when he assumed the position for his shot, his cheeks red.

Remus rolled his lips into his mouth as he watched Sirius take his shot and saw the ball veer off wildly into the gutter almost immediately. Sirius straightened and tipped his head back as he laughed at himself and Lily clapped sarcastically.

Remus decided that watching Sirius was fraught with danger to decorum and turned towards his senior team leader, Albus, who had wondered to him and James and was asking them very seriously if they preferred lemon sherbet or licorice. Strange man.

He listened as James picked up the thread of the conversation with admirable ardor – the man was seriously able to make conversation with a tree – Remus thought about James’s tit-bit of information.

He wondered why Sirius had been at the uni on Wednesday to begin with. It seemed like an odd thing for him to do the week before Christmas in the middle of the week. 

Then he considered what James had said: “…Sirius seemed pretty inspired…”

Did that mean that Sirius was considering retraining? To Remus’s knowledge Sirius had never trained to begin with. He hadn’t been able to afford to study before now. Maybe his uncle’s money could open some doors for him now. He wondered what he’d study.

His (many) questions were cut off by a nudge by James. Remus looked up and James nodded to where Sirius was still by the lane.

His game with Lily had ended and she seemed to be having a spirited debate with Minerva by the food. In her absence the call center woman was back, hanging over a very uncomfortable-looking Sirius who kept stepping away and gently removing her various limbs from his person. While Sirius looked in control of the situation, Remus hated to see him being made uncomfortable and found himself loosing against the impulse to exact just a little bit of possessiveness.

“Excuse me,” Remus interrupted Albus mid-sentence with a grateful look at James, and strode toward where the woman was trying to pull Sirius from the bowling alley towards a dark corner for further mischief.

As Remus approached, Sirius was standing his ground and frowning at the woman, seemingly assuring her that he really had no interest in accompanying her. She stepped closer and Sirius caught Remus’s eye over her head as he strode towards them. His eyes widened and he seemed to be trying to communicate that he was not trying to encourage whatever was happening. Remus winked to show that he knew and Sirius’s gaze softened just as Remus rounded them and sidled up to him, making the woman jump in surprise.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t think we’ve met,” Remus asked sticking his hand out and prompting her to step back to look at Remus unsteadily. She was clearly a few drinks gone already and she swayed slightly as she looked up at him. She gave him an interested once over and took his hand and shook it, stepping closer to him instead. Remus internally cringed.

“I’m Claire,” she replied in purring low-land Scotts accent, “I’m a temp.”

No doubt she didn’t think she had anything to lose by being a bit forward at the work party. No matter, she wasn’t going to get anywhere with either him or Sirius tonight.

“Well Claire,” Remus gave his best customer service smile, “I think you may have had a bit too much to drink, shall we ask Marlene-“ he signaled her over from the group of interestedly watching ladies loitering around within hearing distance. Marlene came closer at his raised brow with an intrigued look. “Marlene, could you get Claire some water?”

Claire shrugged off Marlene’s gentle grip and her attempt to shepherd her towards the water and stepped closer to Remus, so close that she stepped on his toes. He winced.

“But you didn’t tell me your name…” she batted her eyelashes and Remus shot Sirius an incredulous look where he still stood beside him, watching Remus with amusement. He stood so close that Remus could feel his warmth through his clothes. He smiled at him and Sirius pressed a little closer, emboldened.

He smiled wider as he pressed a brief hand against his lower back. A question and a reassurance.

All of Remus’s ideas of discretion and negating gossip evaporated into vapour as he looked into the cheeky, knowing look Sirius was giving him. None of it mattered. the only thing that he found himself caring about was making sure that Sirius had no doubt whatsoever that Remus wanted him. Loudly and in public. He took a large step back, prompting Claire to stumble forward and tugged Sirius toward the nearest bowling alley with a smirk.

Sirius grinned and followed readily as Claire looked after them, disgruntled. Marlene gape grinned.

“Revision time is it, Professor Lupin?” Sirius muttered as he sidled up to Remus at the ball wrack, pressing a little into his shoulder. Remus laughed to himself.

“Well, we’ll see If the private tutoring has paid off, shall we?”

Remus picked up his preferred ball with a yank and smirked at Sirius as he laughed, walking to the isle and taking a decisive shot.

The pins went flying and Remus turned with a little bow. Sirius was grinning in that knowing, infuriatingly sexy way. He took his ball and replaced Remus at the isle. When he ran up to take his shot, Remus could see he was distracted because the shot actually went true, knocking down two thirds of the pins in the first shot. He turned with a little victory dance as his second shot cleared the rest. Remus grinned and caught the hem of his shirt as he went back to his seat and tugged him to a stop.

“Mind elsewhere, is it babe?” he asked in a low growl, "Your strike always did improve when you were thinking about unrelated things". Sirius had scarlet creeping up his neck and his eyes twinkled.

“Yours must not be – your shot was perfect…” he winked and leaned closer, “What can I do to even the odds? Did I mention that I told Reg I wouldn’t be home tonight?”

Remus felt dizzy at the bedroom eyes Sirius sent him as he swaggered to his seat and took a sip of his wine.

Remus took his ball and paused at the isle taking a breath before making a less than perfect shot. He chuckled.

He turned to Sirius with his tongue in his cheek and his eyes narrowed as he took in the shit eating grin Sirius was sending his way. He stalked over to where Sirius was lounging, his eyes glowing at the no doubt predatory look Remus was sending him as he approached. He stopped in front of Sirius just inside his open legs and looked down at him. Something passed between them as they gazed at each other. Hoping he was reading it right, Remus leaned down, bracing himself on the arms of the chair Sirius was looking at him from as he darted his eyes between Remus’s eyes and lips, the satisfied grin slipping and something uncertain and wanting coming into his expression. He looked so unsure; so desperate for Remus to clear the distance and claim him in front of everyone.

“People are looking,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving Remus's. Remus looked once from side to side to see James and Lily off in the corner smirking at them while Claire scowled into a glass of wine. To the other side, he could see the ladies Sirius had spoken to earlier, darting curious looks their way every so often. Remus turned back to Sirius with a smile.

“Do you care?” he asked.

“Not in the slightest.” He whispered, not moving – waiting for Remus to make the move.

“No going back after this.”

“Was there ever?”

Remus grinned, stood and yanked Sirius to his feet. He caught him around the waist and pulled him close by the neck for a crushing kiss, grinning as Sirius's arms looped around his neck as he kissed him back.

***

They burst through Remus’s doorway in a flurry of groping hands and panting lips against throats and lips.

Sirius was simultaneously fisting at Remus’s button down and fumbling with the buttons as Remus knotted his hands in the hair at the nape of Sirius’s head and pawed at his belt buckle.

“Can’t believe you just-”

“-Snogged the daylights out of you in front of the whole company?”

“Yeah that,” Sirius groaned as Remus managed to get his flies undone and shoved his hands inside Sirius’s pants, palming him greedily.

“Did you see all the disappointed looks from all the single girls when they saw us leave together?” Remus’s laugh turned to a gasp as Sirius sucked hard at his neck and his hands slipped over the curve of Remus’s arse and squeezed him closer, looking for friction.

“No,” Sirius laughed as Remus crowded him back into the kitchen island and pressed himself closer, “I was just looking at you.”

“Jesus Christ Black,” Remus groaned working over the silky skin under Sirius’s boxers as Sirius abandoned the half-undone buttons of Remus’s shirt and untucked it at the back so he could run his hands over the plains of Remus’s torso, dragging his nails over his goose-bumped skin.

“Actually, my first name is Sirius, Remus.”

Remus barked out a laugh and gripped Sirius by the waist, lifting him up onto the island and kissing his way up Sirius’s neck and pausing to suck wetly on the sensitive skin under his ear.

“Did you hear James whooping for us?” He chuckled and then abruptly hissed in a breath as Sirius stroked him over his jeans.

“I thought that was Lily,” Sirius replied with hooded eyes, watching as he took Remus apart with just his hand.

“Nah she was the one wolf whistling…” Remus replied with a whine dropping his head on Sirius’s shoulder and pressing open mouthed kisses against his collar bone.

“Remus,” Sirius said in a low, desperate voice. Remus hummed, unable to pay attention to much other than Sirius’s hand squeezing him through his denims.

“Darling…" Sirius insisted, bringing both hands up to his face and tipping it up to look at him, "take me to bed…” this was punctuated with the hooking of his legs behind his back and the looping of his arms around Remus’s neck.

Remus grinned and heaved him up with a grunt, “might only make it to the couch…”

“S’okay… Sirius laughed against his neck as he held on tightly while Remus carried him, “Did you know it pulls out into a bed? Very handy…”

Remus barked out another laugh and dumped him onto the couch cushions.

“And then Minnie coming over with Champagne after our game,” Sirius laughed as Remus crawled over him, running his hands under Sirius’s Henley and pushing it up to lap kisses against his chest and stomach.

“Glad you two finally got you’re acts together,” Remus imitated Minerva’s deep Scotts accent and Sirius sniggered, his laughs turning into a whimper as Remus yanked his jeans down over his hips and mouthed over his clothed cock, pressing his tongue over the salty wet spot over the tip that indicated Sirius had been hard for quite some time.

“I saw Albus giving us the twinkles as well.” He panted as his hips twitched up, chasing the pressure of Remus’s tongue even as he withdrew to peel off his pants.

“You’re not gonna miss the attention of the Daddy-Remus fan club?” Sirius groaned as Remus licked him from balls to tip, swirling his tongue over him. When Remus heard him properly though, he pulled off and crawled up to look into Sirius’s lust-blown eyes.

“Of course not, love.” Remus said seriously, taking Sirius’s chin gently and making sure he could see the truth of it in his eyes. “I only care about two people in my fan club. You and Teddy.”

Sirius brought his hand to Remus’s cheek and smiled softly, “I’ve been your fan from the first day I met you, love. And Teddy adores you-”

“That’s all I need then, my darling.” 

Sirius gave him a look bursting with love and joy at the words and he surged up to kiss Remus deeply, drinking him in and trailing his hands all over Remus’s neck and shoulders, finally getting the buttons of his shirt undone.

When the kiss broke and Remus rested their foreheads together he swore he saw moisture in Sirius’s eyes before he blinked it away quickly.

“I love you so much, Remus.”

“I love you, Sirius,” he replied and then rolled his hips against him ripping a moan from them both as they got the friction they both craved. “And I love your body.” He resumed kissing down hid chest after he helped him get rid of his top, “And I love your cock.”

"Oh, fuck..." Sirius cried out as Remus resumed his work, swallowing Sirius down enthusiastically and dragging his tongue as he pulled back up. He dove back down and hollowed his cheeks, sucking hard as Sirius placed a hand on his head, twining his fingers with his hair.

He released the suction with a pop and then dipped his head to the soft skin of Sirius's balls, rolling them in his palm for a few moments, reveling in the sounds Sirius made as he did so, panting his "fuck, love, I love how you touch me's" and "when I get my hands on you, Remus's" as his fingers tugged and stroked his hair as Remus sucked his balls into his mouth as he stroked Sirius's length at the same time. 

He drooled and slurped, the saliva dripping down Sirius's perinium to his hole as he shivered and Remus gently gathered the spit and stroked the pucker. Sirius whimpered at Remus's triple assault, stroking him steadily, still sucking his sack and now gently fingering him while he zeroed in on Sirius's breathing getting more and more erratic and his abdomen tightening as he gasped for breath. And all the while a steady stream of filth fell from Sirius's lips like warm honey. 

"God, you take me so well, Remus... You love the way I taste, huh? You love my cock... it loves you too - the way your mouth feels around it, and the way your hand fits so snug around me... You make me feel so good, baby, so good for me, making me feel so loved..."

And it spurred Remus on. Hearing how much Sirius wanted him, hearing how he loved the way that Remus made him feel. All he had ever wanted was for Sirius to know just how much he was worth. He wanted him to have no doubt as to his value, and hearing him moan and drip filthy encouragements as he took his pleasure; letting Remus make him feel amazing - it made him feel unstoppable. It made him feel like a god. It made him feel like he might be able to come just like that as he sensed Sirius growing closer and closer to his own climax. 

When Sirius did come Remus was there to see it. He sat up and watched as the ripples of pleasure twitched through him and his neck strained back as he arched off the couch and his stomach clenched. He came in ropes of white over Remus's hand and he lowered his head to lick him clean gently, prompting Sirius's grip to tighten in his hair as his tongue teased his already sensitive cock. Then he sat up and admired Sirius as he rode out what remained of his pleasure. While he did, he quickly shrugged off his shirt and kicked off his trousers and pants. 

He crawled up and shifted Sirius so that he was on his side and slotted behind him, pressing himself behind him as he came back to earth, holding him close and pressing kisses to his sweaty neck and shoulder.

He knew when he was back, because gradually, Sirius's breathing began to even out and he began to rock back against Remus’s erection which rested between his cheeks snugly, the pressure a divine relief against Remus’s engorged length. He moaned against Sirius’s neck as he slipped his hand behind him over Remus’s hip, pulling him closer.

“I – fuck – I can’t take you on the couch my kid sleeps on,” Remus whined as sparks fluttered up his abdomen and Sirius wiggled against him with a devilish chuckle.

“What… What if I rent an upholstery cleaner?” Sirius laughed.

“God... – No, no, no - I can't,” Remus insisted, “besides, the lube is in my room.”

Sirius groaned in protest, but knew he couldn't beat that logic. He took a deep breath and pulled Remus up by the hands. As he stood, he leaned down and kissed him deeply, biting his lower lip and pressing his hips back insistently as he guided Sirius to his room.

A while (and a fantastic orgasm) later, he held Sirius close, running his hands through his sweaty hair and pressing a kiss to his temple every few minutes. Sirius was running his hands up and down Remus's torso, fingers lingering on his accident scars with tender fingers. Their feet were tangled in the sheets at the bottom over the bed, thrown off for being momentarily too warm.

"James said something today," Remus said in a sleepy voice. Sirius leaned in and pressed a kiss against Remus's chest before he hummed curiously. "About you getting "inspired" at uni on Wednesday." 

Sirius didn't freeze precisely, but he did go still and looked up at Remus with an assessing expression. He let him look, letting him see the openness and love there. He eventually softened and smiled a sheepish smile. 

"I was thinking a bit after we spoke to Reg," he started, thumbing over a deep scar under Remus's nipple. "And you know that my job is-"

"-soul sucking..."

"Yes," Sirius chuckled. "And you know I never studied..."

"Is that something you're interested in?" 

Sirius was quiet for a few seconds. "I booked an appointment for early next year with a course adviser. They're gonna help me see if there's a programme that I might suit."

Remus pulled away enough to look at Sirius with an encouraging smile, "That sounds like a good place to start..."

Sirius gave him another heartbreakingly sweet smile and burrowed into Remus's chest. He tightened his hold around him and smiled against his hair. 

"It might come to nothing..." he mumbled. Remus shook his head slightly. 

"It might be something though," he countered. 

"Yeah..." Sirius said uncertainly. 

"What?" Remus persisted, poking him slightly in the side.

"You don't think its embarrassing to be only getting started when I'm in my late twenties?"

Remus snorted in disbelief. "We all start all over again all the time, love. We all live multiple lives in our lifetimes."

Sirius seemed to consider that. He was quiet for such a long time that Remus began to drift off until Sirius spoke softly into the hollow of his neck.

"As long as I live all of the rest of mine with you then I think the rest will work itself out."

Remus grinned. He thought that he very much agreed

Chapter Text

22 Dec

Sirius woke up with Remus pressed to his back; warm and firm, with a heavy arm draped around his waist. Sirius could feel his hard cock pressed snugly against his arse and smiled sleepily to himself, content.

That contentment gradually shifted into a pooling of desire as he surfaced properly and he started running the tips of his fingernails against the arm that held him, dragging soft tickles up and down from wrist to elbow and back down again. The second time he did it, he felt the goosebumps spring up on Remus’s skin and heard his breathing change slightly.

At the shift that signaled Remus’s slow ascent into consciousness, Sirius started to rock against Remus behind him; an echo and recall of the night before when Remus had held Sirius on the couch. Well, they were in a bed now, and Sirius loved the feeling of Remus at his back, his strong chest and legs tucked against him, tangled with his own, making Sirius feel like he was cradled and cherished. He rocked and wiggled until Remus’s arm tightened around him a little, his large hand splaying across Sirius’s stomach, pressing him closer and hissing when the increased pressure gave him more friction.

When he felt the open mouthed, sleepy kisses against his neck, Sirius grinned and breathed out a happy sigh. Remus began to thrust lightly to meet Sirius’s rocking and Sirius whimpered slightly as the sloppy kisses evolved into deliberate sucking and laving over existing marks from the night before. Remus chuckled huskily when he heard, the vibrations of his chest delightful against Sirius’s back and Sirius reached his hand around behind him and pulled Remus closer with a hand over his hip, and then it was Remus’s turn to moan, a sleepy, cracked tone of voice that made Sirius feel even hotter than he had felt waking up with Remus’s morning glory pressing behind him.

Remus finally moved his splayed hand at Sirius’s navel downwards, toward where his cock was hard and weeping from the slight stimulation of rutting back and forward over the cotton sheets. When Remus took Sirius in his grip, it was sure and gentle and Sirius gasped, leaning his head backward in order to give Remus more room to work with on his neck. Remus hummed appreciatively and nipped and sucked at the hinge of Sirius’s jaw, morning stubble rubbing against stubble and lips doing lovely, adoring things to his skin. Remus’s hand moved from Sirius’s cock to slip between them, ghosting a finger against Sirius’s entrance, still relaxed and semi ready from the night before. Then he withdrew, patting the bed behind him, finding the lube and coating his fingers, before slipping it between them again.

Sirius hitched his leg up at a right angle to give Remus better access and whimpered as Remus started to stroke his hole before his finger dipped in experimentally.

“Okay?” Remus asked in that devastating morning voice.

“Uh-huh…” Sirius replied just as croakily, nodding his confirmation for good measure.

Remus took that as permission to slip his finger in fully, quickly adding a second when it became apparent that Sirius’s body remembered the night before.

“My cock just wrecked you last night, huh?” Remus husked into Sirius’s ear, sucking at his earlobe and nipping with his with his teeth after he asked. Sirius moaned.

“…won’t be able to walk properly for ages,” he laughed breathily and then keened needily, pushing himself further onto Remus’s working and crooking fingers.

“I love seeing how desperate you are for me,” Remus groaned as Sirius’s bucking gave him some relief.

“Can’t help it,” Sirius moaned, “you feel so good, Remus.”

“You really want my cock so early in the morning, love?”

“I want you all day, every day, baby. I love you; with me, inside me, around me…”

“I love to be inside you, darling,” he purred, adding a third finger, getting him well and truly prepped for the moment when he finally removed his fingers, kissing Sirius’s neck in acknowledgment of the sound of loss he made when he did, and lined himself up at Sirius’s entrance.

“You ready?”

“Woke up ready,” Sirius chuckled. His laughed turned into a cry as Remus slid into him in a long, careful stroke. When he bottomed out, his hips flush with Sirius’s arse he paused, wet kisses pressed constantly against his neck and shoulder.

“Sore from last night still?” Remus mumbled, the dirty talk breaking momentarily as he checked in.

“In the best way,” Sirius reassured him turning his head to meet Remus’s chin hooked over his shoulder. Remus kissed him long and deep as he waited however long he thought enough for Sirius to adjust and be ready for more. Sirius let Remus’s tongue lick into his mouth as he began to thrust minutely. Sirius’s mouth went slack as he panted, the feeling of Remus inside; impossibly hot and filling and hard - as addictive as any stimulant.

“I can’t believe you’re real,” he panted against Remus’s lips as they nipped and sucked.

“I can’t believe you’re mine,” Remus said in a low, husky voice, lowering his head to Sirius’s neck as his hips picked up the pace, meeting every buck backwards Sirius sent his way with more and more enthusiasm. His hands slipped to Sirius’s hips for better leverage and Sirius braced himself against the mattress to take it, a stream of filth he couldn’t help bubbling out of him and spurring Remus on as it always did.

“All yours, baby, and you’re mine… no one else – Noone else could. There’s no one like you Remus; nothing like your hands and your cock…”

And Remus gave back as good as he got, punctuating every thrust with a grunted “mine… mine… mine…” that made Sirius feel like he was flying. His pleasure built with Remus behind him, claiming him with each stroke, relentless against his prostate and rocking Sirius forward so that his weeping and neglected cock got the barest hint of friction against the cotton sheets.

Then Remus rolled them so that Sirius was on his front, and the pressure of his weight against his length on the mattress made him see stars and he yelped and laughed in surprise and pleasure. He fucking loved when the placid, steady reservation receded from Remus and he got insistent, manhandling Sirius to take what he wanted – giving Sirius what he wanted and needed as well. Remus plastered himself along Sirius’s back, looping an arm around his hips and raising him to his knees. Then he nudged Sirius’s legs apart and slid back in, prompting a punched-out cry from Sirius all over again as he used his new-found leverage to piston his hips in and out with renewed vigor.

“Fuck… fuck… fuck… fuck… fuckfuckfuckfuck…” Sirius whimpered, pressing his forehead into the sheets and fisting the pillow for something to hold onto.

“I’ve got you baby… got you baby… babybabybaby…” Remus grunted with each thrust.

Desperate and feeling like he was on the verge of exploding, Sirius took his cock in his fist, pumping his hand over himself and spreading the weeping precome with his thumb.

“Remus Sweetheart, I’m so fucking close,” He groaned as he felt the tightening bowstring in his abdomen; the build becoming almost unbearable and letting himself go to keep it building as long as possible.

“Me too my darling,” Remus replied with a pained, groaning tone. He slowed his thrusts and scooped Sirius up so that he was leaning back on his heels, his head pillowed on Remus’s shoulder as he lapped and kissed love against his neck and shoulders. An arm stayed firmly around his waist holding him close and the other brought a hand up to tweak and pinch Sirius’s nipples, flicking the metal bars through the fleshy nubs and making Sirius squirm and pant as his fist flew over his own length. He leaned into Remus’s chest and Remus resumed thrusting into him; the new angle a delicious pounding and relentless pressure against his prostate.

He came so hard that he thought he may have blacked out. And then he registered that he wouldn’t know he might have blacked out if he had actually blacked out. Instead he felt Remus come inside him shortly after, following a sharp thrust and a punched out cry into Sirius’s neck; his arms tight around him and his breath too hot across his collarbones. It took a moment to make out the words that he was murmuring against Sirius’s sweaty skin.

He covered Remus’s hands with his own, feeling like he was holding Remus up for a moment and never wanting it to end; his heavy weight a comfort and constant that Sirius never wanted to give up.

“What was that, gorgeous?” he panted, his head on Remus’s shoulder and the backs of his thighs flush with Remus’s.

“I said I swear to god I’ve never felt this way,” Remus said in a groggy, fucked out husky tone. Sirius keened, turning his head to Remus’s again.

“You too?” he laughed, breathy and desperate, pressing a kiss against Remus’s damp curls at his temples, “I thought I was gonna burst with how much I love you just then.”

Remus breathed out a laugh through his nose, the rush of air breaking Sirius out into goosebumps.

He turned his head to look at Sirius, his eyes glowing and warm and his cheeks pink under his golden copper hair. He looked sheepish and delicious and Sirius never wanted to look at anything else ever again.

“Hi…” he said in a whisper. Sirius smiled what he was sure was a blissed out, dopey grin.

“Hey, baby,” he replied, pressing a kiss against Remus’s parted lips. It was tender, with the remaining heat between them lingering through the little sounds made in their throats as they kissed messily, adoringly.

“I love you.”

Remus’s smile grew into a disbelieving, ecstatic grin that he buried it in Sirius’s hair.

“I love you more…”

“Impossible,” Sirius replied, bringing hand up and behind him to hold the back of Remus’s neck, pulling him closer and chuckling as Remus rocked them side to side, arms tight around him.

“I’m being serious-”

He tried to cut himself off but not before Sirius giggled and interrupted.

“Not as Sirius as me…” he gave with a wiggle against Remus that turned into a hiss for both of them as Remus shifted inside him; both too sensitive now.

“Time for a shower before Teddy comes over?” Remus asked as Sirius rose onto his knees and Remus slipped out of him. He winced a little and flopped onto his front to stop Remus’s come from dripping onto the sheets. He belatedly realized that his own was still smeared over his chest that was currently pressed into the sheets and snorted self-deprecatingly.

“Of course – and I’ll wash your sheets before I go,” he replied with a sheepish blush.

Remus snorted and stretched out next to him, propped up onto his elbow so that he could trace his fingers over Sirius’s back muscles.

“Don’t worry about it love, I always have a clean set ready to go for after you spend the night.”

Sirius’s blush deepened and his hid his face in his arms.

“Are you actually embarrassed?” Remus asked with a teasing laugh, his fingers digging into Sirius’s ribs and making him giggle and squirm. Remus caught him before he could wiggle away and pressed kisses across Sirius’s shoulder blades, “You literally woke me up to fuck you…”

“Hard not to when I wake up with your wonderful cock pressed against me like a tree branch,” he said peeking his head out from the crook of his elbows to see Remus staring love down at him as he stroked his sides gently. His heart threatened to burst with how much love he had bursting from him for this lovely, lovely, lovely man.

“What can I say,” he gave with a shrug, lying naked and tawny and perfect as he smirked at Sirius, “I was dreaming of you.”

“I get to be in your dreams too?” Sirius asked flirtatiously turning onto his side and shifting closer to run his hands over his chest.

Remus pulled him closer until they were chest to chest and kissed him softly and soundly.

“Every day with you feels like a dream I never want to wake up from.”

Sirius melted.   

***

“Where were you?”

Sirius didn’t mean for it to come across as patronizing or accusing, but he heard those tones within his question anyway. He cringed slightly despite himself. He couldn’t help it.

Remus had dropped him at home over an hour ago, and Sirius had unlocked an empty house. He had called and texted Reg an embarrassing amount of times without a response, and had been giving it another twenty minutes before he enlisted James to start searching the city when Reg’s key had rattled in the lock and he’d walked in, bold as brass and totally non-plussed to Sirius’s panic and mental images of Reg overdosed in a filthy hotel room.  

Reg, for his part, was looking at Sirius in shock for being in his own kitchen. At lunch time.

“What are you doing home already?” he retaliated with and Sirius huffed against his kitchen counter.

“Work is done for the year. I just got home from spending the night at Remus’s?” he replied suspiciously, “And you didn’t answer my question.”

“Am I a prisoner here all of a sudden?” Reg asked defensively. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Of course, you’re not,” Sirius sighed, “It’s just that I’ve been trying to get you to leave the house for weeks, and then I come home and you’re gone without any word or note and I was just surprised and…”

“And worried that I was out getting high?”

Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose, begging silently for patience. “You got out of rehab less than a month ago, Reg, it’s a reasonable concern.”

“Well, you don’t need to be concerned,” he gave in a dry, unimpressed tone, “You can test me right now – I’m not high,” Reg stood before Sirius with his arms crossed and a steady look in his eyes, daring Sirius to try and prove it. He didn’t look high, but he was definitely hiding something.

Sirius sighed again.

“-And you won’t tell me where you’ve been?”

“Nope.”

Sirius huffed, hating that he sounded like a nagging mother and turned away from him.

“I got us a chicken to roast for dinner,” Sirius changed the subject tiredly, turning away.

“You should invite Remus,” Reg gave civilly, coming further into the kitchen, filling and putting on the kettle.

Sirius frowned, bemused.

“He has Teddy tonight,” he shook his head, a little sad then, because that actually sounded lovely.

“Get him to bring Teddy with,” Reg shrugged.

Sirius turned to him in surprise then. He blinked a few times before replying.

“Uh… Teddy’s never come over or stayed over here. I think Remus will want to run it by Tonks before he does… But that’s a nice idea. I’ll suggest it when I see him next.” He gave Reg a tentative smile for bringing it up. Reg smirked a little. Sirius internally relaxed as the ice in the room melted.

“Tea?”

“Yes, please,” Sirius replied with a smile to himself as he turned on the oven to preheat.

***

23 Dec

“Da! Da! Come look at this cookie decorating stall!”

“You’re up, dad,” Tonks elbowed Remus in the side and he rolled his eyes fondly as he hurried ahead toward where Teddy was watching someone decorating a Christmas cookie at tinsel wrapped trestle table covered by a canopy. He approached and alerted an enraptured Teddy to his presence with a light mitten-clad hand to his shoulder.

They were at the Edinburgh Christmas markets that evening and this was not the first stall that either he or Tonks had been called over to by their son; eager and excited for the food and bits and bobs for sale.

“Da, can we send gran and grandad some cookies?”

Remus exchanged a smile with the woman holding the piping bag over a tray of sugar cookies in the process of being decorated. “I’m sure we can manage that, love.”

She indicated to the side where there were some ready to go cookies packaged and wrapped and they stepped over to choose. They went for a set of starshaped cookies decorated like silver and white snowflakes and Remus let Teddy carefully place them into his tote bag hanging over his shoulder. The woman took the coins he gave her, shooting a twinkly, interested smile his way, and he tried reciprocate with a polite smile before he ushered Teddy away, eager to avoid giving her the impression that he was responding in kind.

“Remus, over here!” He found a waving Tonks standing with Fleur by a person armed with a tray of mulled wine being sold in paper cups and they went to join them.

He accepted the proffered cup from her with a smirk.

“Cookie saleswoman looks disappointed to see you with potential female partners,” Fleur said in her low-voiced, melodic voice, heavily accented. Tonks snorted in amusement and Remus covered his face his free hand.

“Little does she know how far up the wrong tree she’s really barking,” Tonks mumbled into her cup and Remus resisted the urge to glare at her.

“Mum, can I go to that candle shop?” Teddy asked tugging at her coat sleeve. She gave him leave with a smile and he hurried the short distance away under her careful gaze.

“Speaking of people who undress you with their eyes…” she started. Remus snorted.

“Yes, where is Sirius?” Fleur asked, rolling the R’s in his name in a way that Remus knew Sirius would enjoy.

“Not sure,” Remus answered, craning his head around and looking for the twin obsidian heads in the bustling crowd as he looked for his boyfriend and his brother.

“Did he say where he’d meet you?” Tonks asked, letting Fleur take her by the arm and lean her head of her shoulder in an infinitely affectionate gesture. It made Remus smile as he looked around, considering flicking Sirius a text to find out how far away he was. As he scanned, he caught the eye of cookie-lady again and she sent him a smile, obviously having seen Tonks and Fleur canoodling. He let his eyes pass over her, wondering if Sirius was wearing his leather jacket or his coat.

“We didn’t settle on a place,” he said quietly, finding his phone in his pocket but first checking he could still see Teddy. He was indeed still in the candle stall, his interested little face lit by the Christmas lights at the entrance, and so he dialed Sirius’s number. The line kept ringing until it went to voicemail and Remus ended the call. Then he looked up, on the verge of sending a text to see Sirius and Teddy making their way over, Reg trailing behind oh-so-slightly. Teddy was babbling away at Sirius's side and he grinned and replied before looking up and meeting Remus’s eye, his smile immediately softening. Remus was sure his responding smile was dopey and soppy as anything because Tonks snorted softly to his side and poked him a little.

“Look who I found doing a sneaky bit of candle shopping,” Sirius drawled, ruffling Teddy’s hair as he hurried towards them and prompting Ted to squirm away with a giant grin.

“Shhh, it’s a Christmas present!” he said in a whisper, clutching his tote bag protectively and Sirius laughed.

“Sorry, bud,” he replied in a whisper, “It was totally not a candle shop we found each other in,” he finished with faux sobriety. His own bag over his shoulder showed the signs of one or two successful stall visits of his own.

“And Sirius definitely wasn’t also doing Christmas shopping in the totally-not-candle-shop,” came Regulus’s dry response, and Sirius did actually elbow him in the ribs.

“Oh, I like you…” Tonks laughed at Reg, delighted at the banter as Sirius sidled up to Remus and slipped his arm around his waist. Remus looped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss as Reg chatted comfortably with Tonks and Fleur. They all expressed their interest in finding some roasted chestnuts and Reg walked ahead with the ladies as Teddy hurried further ahead. Sirius and Remus lagged behind, wrapped in each other.

“You look very cozy,” Sirius smiled up at him after they’d kissed and begun walking, his cheeks pink from the cold and his silver eyes twinkling merrily.

“Mmmm, So do you,” Remus replied lowly, taking in Sirius’s ensemble of sneakers, dark blue jeans dark green jumper over a black crewneck thermal under his dark grey coat, burgundy scarf and matching beanie pulled low over his shiny black curls. He pulled Sirius closer into his side and internally thrilled when Sirius slipped his arms under his tan coat and snuggled a little into his jumper with a content sigh, “very Christmassy…”

“You smell spicy too,” Sirius said, indicating the cup of wine Remus was still holding, “can I have a sip?”

Remus handed over the cup with the full expectation that he wasn’t getting it back.

“Did you guys already eat?” Remus asked.

“We figured we’d find something here,” Sirius replied, not breaking his embrace to crane his head around for food stalls, “I’ve been fiending for some loaded fries and a cinnamon roll…”

“Together, or in that order?" he snorted. Sirius pinched him with a laugh. "I’m sure we can find something like that – if all else fails I know of a cookie stand we could get some treats at.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I might even be able to flirt my way to a discount,” he teased, enjoying how Sirius’s distracted look immediately snapped into focus as he looked up at Remus in alarm. He rolled his eyes with a grudging smile when he saw Remus’s smirk down to him

“Was it the one back there?” he asked turning slightly to look. Remus pulled him back gently and leaned down to press a kiss against his beanied head.

“Yeah, Teddy fancied some cookies for Tonks’s parents and I caught some eyes being made in my direction…”

Sirius nodded with slightly narrowed eyes. “Maybe we should go back later,” he said thoughtfully.

Remus snorted. “I’m pretty sure she would have seen you and I canoodling so there’s no need to make a claim, love.”

Sirius snorted a laugh and leaned against Remus’s shoulder, arms slipping from his waist to Remus's arm. “I suppose you’re right. Still, I’m the only one who gets to flirt with you…” he grumbled slightly. Remus felt himself warm with affection and amusement as they neared their group huddled around a stall which sold all manner of chestnuts roasted and presented in paper cones.

Reg was just handing Teddy a cone of what looked like caramelized chestnuts when they caught up.

“Chestnuts?” Sirius asked Remus as he removed himself (regrettably) and stepped forward to the stall.

Remus nodded, “We’ll share, get whatever looks good.”

It turned out that what Sirius fancied were a savory spiced roasted mix that were delicious. Tonks and Fleur opted for traditional roasted plain and Reg shared Teddy’s caramel.

Sirius seemed to spy something ahead and turned to Remus with a cheeky expression. “So I’m going to disappear for a moment and I’ll probably re-appear with packages that are frankly none of your business for the next few days, but I’ll be back.”

Remus snorted in amusement, but released his hand in resignation.

“Oooh, we’ll come with you, Sirius,” Tonks said with a circumspect smile, “maybe we’ll get some inspiration for the most difficult person to buy gifts for,” she shot Remus a wink and hurried along side a laughing Sirius who linked arms with them, leaving Remus, Teddy and Regulus standing and watching.

“Anywhere you want to go?” Remus turned to Reg pleasantly.

Reg turned to him with a dry smile. “I’m not sure, honestly. I’ve been meaning to ask if you guys have particular gift traditions…”

Remus shrugged and they started to walk along as Teddy darted ahead, claiming the rest of the nuts and making his way to a trinket shop.

“Not really, Teddy gets a stocking from his grandparents, but other than that we just put everything under the tree and hand it around after breakfast.”

Reg nodded a little thoughtfully. He looked up at Remus uncertainly.

"What is it?" he asked.

“Um, I’m not sure it’s my place…”

“Go on,” Remus gave with an interested glance to his side.

“It’s just that, I know Sirius has told you a little about how we grew up.”

“He has…”

“Um. We never did gifts as a family,” Reg said in a small voice, “and any presents were given to us by our nannies separately from the rest of the family, and they were mostly the kinds of gifts that you buy because you don’t really know someone.”

At Remus’s confused look Reg winced.

“One year, I distinctly remember Sirius receiving a book detailing the genealogy of our family… You know – because he was the heir and all? He would have been Teddy's age.”

“Right…” Remus replied quietly.

“So, I know this Christmas is a big deal because it’s your first together… but it’s a big deal for a few other reasons too.”

Remus nodded and watched Teddy take something over the counter and hand it to the lady as if asking how much it was. When she told him, he saw his little shoulder’s drop slightly and then walk back to put whatever it was back. Remus frowned a little and made to join him, thinking of what Reg had said.

“What did you find, Ted?” he asked when he was close enough.

Teddy held up a little box. When Remus came closer, he watched as Teddy popped it open carefully and showed him it was a little music box with the figure on the little shelf of a figure skater posed as if it was mid spin, back arched and its leg held above it’s head from behind.

“I wanted to get it for mum, but it’s thirty pounds,” Teddy replied with a resigned little smile, “It plays that ballet music she likes.” He twisted the dial and the swan lake theme began to play as the figure spun.

Remus sighed with a smile. They were trying to show Teddy the value of saving and planning your spending with pocket money. He only received a few quid every week, and he’d been saving it up for Christmas.

“Take it over to the lady, Ted, I’ll pay the difference.”

“Really?” Ted looked up at him with big, happy eyes and Remus felt himself melt a little at that look.

“Really,” he replied, trying to bite back a smile, “But just because it’s Christmas, yeah?"

“Thanks da,” Teddy smiled impossibly wide and gave him a tight hug around the waist before taking the little box over to the stall to the lady who was watching the interaction with a kind smile. Remus came over and paid the difference and then looked around the stall while Teddy waited for her to wrap it for him.

Reg joined him and stood next to him as he surveyed the wares on offer.

“See things like that – that’s like fairytale shit to us…”

Remus darted a surprised look to Reg before he realized what he meant. He sighed sadly.

“I know… When-” he paused wondering if he was really going to talk about this.

“Sirius met Ted very early on. I don’t know if he told you, but he and I got together because of a series of events involving an amethyst tree and some forgotten house keys on the highest rainfall day of the autumn.” Reg snorted at that but kept quiet, letting Remus speak. “He stayed over at mine and then I had to take Ted at the last minute, and I left Ted alone in my flat while I spoke to Tonks, and when I came back in, Sirius and Ted were watching cartoons together.”

“Classic,” Reg said with a fond smile, “he loves kids.”

“Yeah,” Remus smiled softly, thinking of Sirius and Ted together. “Anyway, I think Sirius thought I was gonna have a go at Teddy because he’d met him without my permission? I don’t know, but he kind of angled himself in front of Teddy like he was gonna take the brunt of it…”

“That… sounds like Sirius,” Reg said in a very quiet, strained voice.

Remus let that lie for a second when he spied something that had Sirius written all over it. He picked up the trinket with a smile.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the insight,” Remus said carefully, “but why tell me this now?”

Reg followed him to the counter where Ted was still chatting to the lady who was listening avidly, and watched Remus pay for the trinket with an unreadable expression.

“I guess I just had to be sure that you understood.”

“Understood…”

“Sirius comes across as unshakable sometimes – he’ll take it all, you know? Shoulders all the blame and stress and will literally go to war for people he loves. But he feels everything really deeply, and he takes it all in. And he’s - frankly - besotted with you. He'd put up with a lot if you were dishing it out. I guess I just want to make sure you know that he’s really very soft, and this is all very new for him. And I just want to make sure you don’t squash his tender bits." He winced when he finished like he wasn't sure he'd vocalised all that the way he'd wanted to.

Remus looked at him curiously, taking in the way that Reg couldn’t meet his eyes and shuffled around awkwardly on the gravel floor. He realized that this was Regulus having his version of a “please don't hurt my brother” conversation. He softened then and smiled as he took the wrapped gift from the lady at the counter, putting it into his bag.

“I know,” he replied carefully, “And I know you know him better than I do, but I know Sirius is just custard in the shape of a person dressed in a leather jacket…” Reg snorted at that and Remus smiled wryly. “I’d never take it for granted,” he assured him, “And I’d never hurt him intentionally. And thank you for the reminder that this will be Sirius’s first real Christmas. Yours too.”

Reg smiled awkwardly and nodded as they made their way into the main thorough-fair just in time to see Sirius arm in arm with Fleur as they skipped in their direction, with a thoroughly amused Tonks behind them, filming them on her phone, the fairy lights strung over the walkway twinkling.

Remus realised that there was now Michael Bublé's Christmas playing over some loudspeakers. When Sirius saw Remus, Teddy and Reg watching, he extracted himself from Fleur with a kiss to her cheek that made her giggle and ran over to Teddy, before he took his hands and spun them both around, Teddy laughing giddily as they went. After a few circles they came to a stop and Sirius skipped toward Regulus, linking arms with him and trying to get him to skip in a circle.

Even Regulus couldn’t withstand that kind of joy and grudgingly walked in a circle, rolling his eyes and battling a smile. He finally released him, and then stopped in front of Remus who allowed himself to be pulled forward as Sirius took his hand and placed it on his waist before he took his other hand and placed his free one on Remus’s shoulder as he swayed them and shuffled in a kind of dance. Remus laughed and took the lead, waltzing them in a little square before twirling him around and catching Sirius into a dip as he laughed, delighted, marveling at the Christmas lights shining in his eyes as he stared love up at Remus.

He leaned down and kissed him soundly before taking them out of the dip and wrapping his arms around him as he felt Sirius's arms tighten around him in a hug in return.

***

24 Dec

“He loves you; Yeah, yeah, yeah…”

“He loves me; yeah, yeah, yeah…”

“With a love like that, you know you should be glad…” James pointed at Sirius across the kitchen counter and Sirius pointed back as he harmonized his return.

“With a love like that, you know I’m really glad…”

“What are you two doing?!” came the interruption as Lily and Remus came into the kitchen, he holding a glass of pink wine, and she holding what looked like cranberry juice.

Sirius grinned at Remus who was already blushing at his antics from the doorway. He skipped over and raised onto his toes to peck Remus’s cheek, making his face bloom scarlet.

“We were just talking about your cute-as-fuck moment at the Phoenix staff party,” James smirked as he strode over to Lily and ducked down to give her a quick kiss for good measure.

“I’m assuming you told him about you having a dramatic moment when I had a migraine and I told you I loved you for it?” Remus asked, taking a sip from his glass with a twinkling look at Sirius.

No he did-fucking-not…” James gave with a gape grin that made Remus grin as Sirius took his turn to blush, burying his head in Remus’s shoulder.

“Well, I can probably tell you all about it, James, because it’s all he’ll talk about now at home,” Reg called as he squeezed by Sirius and Remus and into the kitchen with a dry smirk.

“Oh?” Remus asked, wrapping an arm around Sirius’s shoulders at the same time as James’s face alit with mischief and asked; “Is that right?”

“We can all take turns making fun of Sirius for being hopelessly in love with Remus later,” Lily laughed, “I think dinner is ready in the meantime?” he asked James who nodded vigorously, taking a tray of carved lamb leg from a warming drawer and making to head toward the dining table.

Dinner was a jolly affair, with homemade crackers full of James’s best dad jokes and little crocheted gifts made by Lily. Sirius found himself the owner of some crocheted coasters that fit into a small terracotta planter pot so that they looked like the leaves of a succulent, and Remus pulled out a knitted glasses case that he was delighted by. Reg was marveling at a tiny crocheted bee sitting in the palm of his hand.

Sirius found himself watching Reg more and more as the night went on. His initial hostility to James on the first night in town seemed to have dissipated into a kind of shy reservation that manifested itself through sarcasm and dry as a bone humor that took them all off guard.

To Lily, on the other hand, Reg was almost soft – like he’d been with Teddy on that first day, but more deferential. Lily seemed to respond to this with the kind of matter-of-fact warmth she was known and loved for; engaging Reg in conversation and laughing prettily at his quips. And James – Well. James enjoyed the company of anyone who made Lily smile, and Reg certainly seemed to be doing just that.

Sirius watched as Reg leaned in toward Lily seated next to him across from Sirius at their little round dining table, and murmured something about the little wool insect, touching the wings almost reverently and obviously complimenting the skill it had taken to make the piece if Lily’s blush was anything to go by.

If Sirius hadn’t known any better he’d say he was watching-

“Baby…” Remus asked in a low voice to his side. He slipped his hand onto Sirius’s leg and he covered it with his own.

“Yes, love?” Sirius replied.

“Is your brother flirting with Lily?”

Sirius looked at him in surprise and then shot a look to James who was next to Lily on the other side. He didn’t seem at all perturbed by the whole scenario. In fact, he was watching the exchange softly, seemingly enjoying Lily’s blush as much as Regulus was.

“I… I think he might be?” He shared an incredulous look with Remus and they both turned back to watch the show.

James was now showing Regulus his cracker gift, a little crocheted cup sleeve – the kind you used to avoid burning your hand on a takeaway coffee mug. Reg took the sleeve with an expression of awe and asked Lily what he’d have to do to coax her into making one for him as well (she blushed vividly to her hairline), before asking James (a little shyly) If he’d seen the keep cups around that were made of this fancy Japanese style of firing witch gave the clay a marbled, layered effect while keeping the pottery thin enough to be light like bone china. James leaned forward in interest and asked for the name of the pottery technique to check it out.

Sirius shot another look at Remus who was smiling slightly and shaking his head minutely in disbelief.

“Do you get the impression we’re fourth and fifth wheeling?” he asked in a low voice. Remus rolled his lips into his mouth to suppress his laughter and gave Sirius a “What do we do here?” kind of expression as he nodded. Sirius widened his eyes in return and they returned to their meal.

“Uh,” Remus said slightly louder, clearing his voice for attention, “This lamb is incredible.”

“Mmmm,” Sirius said, nodding a little and looking meaningfully at his brother, “really moist! Can I ask what temperature you cooked it at?”

James grinned at him, totally oblivious to their reason for starting the thread of conversation even as Reg glared daggers at Sirius for bursting whatever bubble they had been in, “It’s my mum’s recipe,” he said, “We roast it low and slow all day on like 80 degrees with garlic, rosemary, salt, pepper and olive oil and then it falls off the bone.”

“Well, it’s great,” Sirius said emphatically, avoiding Reg’s eye then.

“And the gravy is great, Lil,” Remus added, using some bread to mob said sauce up. She blushed some more and beamed.

“It’s the simplest recipe. I’ll text it to you if you’d like?”

“Better send it to Sirius,” Remus smiled at him softly, “he’s the one who makes culinary masterpieces every time we eat together.”

Sirius gave him a light smack and a kiss to the cheek, feeling his cheeks go hot at the praise.

“Aww, you found his praise kink, Rem,” James laughed leaning on the table and looking at them with a smug expression.

“Please, like I didn’t know already,” Remus smirked and Sirius nearly choked.

“Don’t encourage him,” Reg laughed, “he’ll be dreamy eyed for the rest of the holidays if he realizes Remus can read him like his favorite book.”

Lily wacked both her husband and Reg lightly in admonishment. “Don’t listen to either of them, darlings,” she said consolingly, “there’s nothing quite like new love…”

Sirius smiled privately at that, thinking that even if he ever got better at controlling his blushes, he’d probably always be a little bit swoony at the thought of Remus studying him like a textbook. He looked up to say as much, just to see Reg darting a look at James and Lily who were both angling themselves slightly toward him; not so as to be noticeable if you weren’t looking, but Sirius was looking. So, it seemed was Remus who leaned into Sirius slightly in acknowledgment, also watching in a kind of fascinated silence as they darted interested looks between each other and shifted closer.

When the main meal was done Sirius shot out of his seat with the offer to clear the plates, quickly volunteering Reg to help too.

When they had taken all the plates to the kitchen and stacked them by the sink Reg turned to him with a wary, flat look.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

Sirius raised his hands in surrender and hurried to respond in a frantic whisper.

“I don’t really have anything to say, Reg, but I just want to know if you’re doing it on purpose.”

“Doing what on purpose?”

“Fucking flirting with my mate and his wife!”

Regulus actually blushed and Sirius was taken aback. He rubbed his hand over his face, bewildered.

“I’m not flirting with them,” he defended, “I just… dunno, like them as a couple? They’re friendly and kind, and Lily’s just so warm and James is like… the sun almost? Like just so fucking bright and funny?”

Sirius gaped at him. Reg seemed more flustered and out of his depth than Sirius had ever seen him.

“Are you smitten with my best mates?” he asked incredulously.

Reg looked up at him with an unsure, strangely open expression and Sirius decided to dial it back. “Look, I’m not your keeper, but I am your brother. Just be careful, okay?”

Reg looked at him for a long moment before he sighed and nodded. Sirius took the initiative and gave him a brief, enveloping hug before he backed off with a small smile and returned to Remus’s side. When Reg followed it was to find Lily sat next to Remus on his other side as she showed him the little heart earrings she'd crocheted for her cracker gift. This left the only spot left for Reg between her and James which, Sirius noted, seemed to suit them all just fine. 

The rest of the dinner was lovely, albeit slightly flustering and confusing as Sirius and Remus watched, fascinated, while James, Lily and Reg continued to openly and obviously go all a flutter over anything any of the trio said or did. It was like Sirius and Remus weren’t even there sometimes as they were so engulphed in their own conversation that they became extra. Sirius wondered what he’d do if Regulus was invited to stay for the night. They were due at Tonks’s for breakfast pretty early for Christmas the next morning, and having Regulus in some kind of spur of the moment tryst with the Potters would at least complicate the travel arrangements.

Sirius shouldn’t have worried though. All three of them left at around eleven, and Remus dropped them at Sirius’s, leaving him with a kiss that tasted of the mint pudding Lily had made and his eyes sparkling.

"Love you, see you on Christmas, baby."

Sirius was still warm from that sparkle as he made his way to Regulus’s room and knocked softly just after midnight.

“Come in…” came the soft response, and Sirius pushed his way through.

“I have hot chocolate…” he raised the mugs he was holding in evidence. Reg huffed a laugh from where he was lying in his bed holding his phone like he was mid-texting. He chucked his phone aside and sat up, shifting over so Sirius could sit on the bed.

“So it’s officially Christmas,” Sirius said softly passing Reg his chocolate. Reg raised a sardonic brow and took the mug.

“Merry Christmas, I suppose?”

Sirius chuckled, settling down next to Reg. “Merry Christmas, Reg.”

They sat and sipped their drinks for a few minutes in comforting silence until Reg’s phone dinged between them. Sirius couldn’t help but notice that the notification was a text from Lily.

He raised a brow at Reg who blushed scarlet and turned the phone so that it was screen down and sighed.

Sirius let that tension lie before giving into the guffaw that burst from him like bark, covering his mouth with his free hand as he shook with laughter. Reg looked at him unimpressed for a few moments before the corner of his lips twitched upwards and he shook his head with a slight smirk.

“I swear I don’t even know,” he preempted with a slight groan, using the teaspoon in the mug to fish out a few marshmallows and eating them.

“I didn’t ask!” Sirius protested with raised hands again. “I mean, I have questions, but it’s really none of my business unless you want to talk about it…”

Reg rolled his eyes and rested his chin on his fist as he sat cross legged, staring at the phone.  

“Look,” Sirius finally relented, “I don’t know what you think you might want from them, or what they want from you, but I don’t know – just have a conversation about it all first; before anything significant happens, yeah?”

Reg smiled ruefully, still staring at Sirius’s refurbished phone with something like disbelief. Then he looked up and took Sirius’s free hand resting on his folded legs, squeezing it a little. Sirius squeezed back.

“Stay with me tonight?” he asked, “Like we used to when we were little?”

Sirius felt himself dissolve into a puddle, only managing to swallow and nod a little as he crawled into the place next to Reg fully and then shifting onto his back when he finished his hot chocolate. Reg lay next to him and switched off the bedside lamp, making the room dark apart from the light creeping in through the door to the passage.

“’Night Reg… Merry Christmas.”

“Thank you for everything, Sirius. Merry Christmas.”

Chapter Text

25 Dec

Christmas morning did not exactly start by going according to plan.

For a start, Sirius woke up with his brother shoving his hand in his face.

“Ungh, What the fuck,” he groaned, pushing Reg’s hand away as he rolled over, and finally waking up enough to hear the knocking at his front door.

It took him all of a minute, then he sat up in a panic. “Fuck, fucking fuck. What’s the time, Reg?”

Reg rolled over with a groan and a grumble and checked the time on his bedside before swearing colourfully and stumbling out of bed. “Just after 7.30.”

“Shit,” Sirius swore scrambling up as the knocking resumed. “That’s probably Remus at the door, we’re supposed to be ready to go right now. We’re fucking late!”

“Oh, shit, fuck, cunt and bollocks,” Reg swore under his breath as he squeezed past Sirius to slip into the bathroom, “Stall your boyfriend, the bathroom will be free as soon as I’m done brushing my teeth.”

Sirius hurried to the door and opened it to find an expectant and red cheeked Remus blowing into his hands and looking like Christmas morning personified in a red scarf, burgundy cable knit jumper under his coat, and curls shining gold under the porch light.

“Fucking hell,” Sirius breathed, part flustered, part freaking out and pulling Remus indoors by his freezing hands and closing the door behind him as he took in Sirius’s p.js, bed hair and bare feet. He raised an amused eyebrow.

“Look I’m so sorry," Sirius said in a breath out, "we’ll be ready really soon, I fucking fell asleep with Reg and missed my alarm because it was in the other room, and we literally just woke up now when you started knocking, and I’m so sorry baby, I know we’re gonna be behind schedule, but you can blame it on me, promise – I’m the one who didn’t hear my alarm go off – and if you just wanna leave and go ahead and we can catch up when we’re ready then I totally get it-”

Sirius was cut off abruptly when Remus’s stunned expression at his rambling excuses morphed into one of bewildered amusement and he stepped forward and took Sirius’s face in his hands, bringing him up short as he squished his cheeks together.

“Shh, sweetheart,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss Sirius softly – sweetly even; he could feel the smile against his lips – and Sirius melted into him, returning his kiss.

When he pulled away, he looked him over again with soft, warm eyes before he pulled Sirius in for a hug.

“Merry Christmas darling.”

Sirius sighed a laugh and hugged him back, “Merry Christmas Remus, love.”

The moment was shattered when Regulus burst into the living room, hopping to put on his shoes as he came. “I’m ready! I’m ready! I swear – shit!” he stumbled and fell against the entry wall.

“It’s alright, Reg, I might have overreacted. Slightly.” Sirius said from under Remus’s arm.

“Merry Christmas, Reg,” Remus chuckled, swaying them side to side as he held Sirius tightly, “Have a sit down for a mo, I’ll make you a coffee while Sirius gets dressed.”

Reg sank down into the sofa with a groan of relief and shut his eyes, “Remus Lupin you are a Christmas miracle…”

Remus snorted and pushed Sirius toward the hallway with a swat to his bottom as he went.

When Sirius emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later it was to a kiss and a coffee in a take-away keep cup. They left the house in a considerably more relaxed state, bundled up in coats and scarves and sipping cinnamonny coffee as Remus reversed out of Sirius’s driveway.

“Did you see there’s another unit for sale in your complex?” Remus pointed over the steering wheel at the unit just next door before turning to look where he was reversing.

“Oh, yeah, that’s right,” Sirius nodded, taking a sip, “my neighbor is moving in with her son now that she’s retired. The place should be empty in the new year, apparently.”

Remus nodded thoughtfully and spun his steering wheel to reverse them onto the road.

***

When Tonks greeted them at the door, any anxiety Sirius might have felt about being late was laid to rest by the sight of both her and Teddy still in their pj’s, and both beaming to see them at the door.

“Merry Christmas!” she and Teddy said in unison.

“Merry Christmas,” Sirius chuckled as he followed after Remus, ducking to hug both her and Ted.

“Sorry we’re a bit late…” he mumbled, kissing Tonks's cheeks when he greeted her.

“Not at all,” Tonks laughed, “this one only got up ten minutes ago,” she gestured to Fleur as she led them into the house, through to the kitchen. The woman in question was standing by the counter in a silk dressing gown; her blond hair in a loose plait, spooning coffee into a French press, yawning blearily and waving vaguely.

They exchanged Christmas greetings and then all found seats around the island in the sleek, modern kitchen as Tonks pulled out trays of crispy bacon, toast and hash browns from the Ager. She poured out coffee for the adults, and juice for Teddy.  

“I figure we can make pancakes as we need them,” she gestured to the dry ingredients on the bench next to a skillet.

“I can do that,” Sirius volunteered. Tonks smiled and stood aside as he stood.

“I can’t wait to see the famous Sirius Black in action,” She teased. “Can I offer you some bubbles and orange juice while you work?”

“Ooh, yes, please,” he grinned making his way around, rolling up his sleeves and surveying what he had to work with. “Did you receive the grocery order I placed and sent over for Dinner?” he asked.

“It’s all defrosted and ready to go, as ordered, Captain,” he teased with a smirk.

“What’s this?” Remus asked, leaning on the counter next to Reg and watching him get his ducks in a row with a playful grin.

“I’m cooking dinner, love,” Sirius replied shyly, “Surprise!..”

Remus came around to kiss Sirius’s cheek and place his glass of juice beside him.

“I can’t wait,” he grinned, before returning to his seat to watch while Sirius thanked him.

“I can help with the pancakes!” Teddy said enthusiastically, coming to stand by Sirius. “If you tell me how?”

“Sure, Ted,” Sirius smiled, making space for his smaller frame next to him, “let’s wash our hands first…”

Sirius showed teddy how to make the batter for pancakes, whipping the mixture and heating the skillet and adding blueberries and chocolate chips on request. The others ate them hot off the skillet while Remus fed Sirius bites of bacon and hashbrowns off his fork, followed by pancakes drenched in maple syrup and butter.

They laughed and ate and drank mimosas in the kitchen (Teddy stuck to orange juice, but said he felt very fancy drinking it from a champagne glass) and had at least one more cup of coffee each before Teddy’s bouncing in his seat became impossible to ignore and they allowed themselves to be led to the living room and the Christmas tree glowing in the corner, bedecked with white lights, ice blues and Swarovski crystal decorations.

Reg whistled in appreciation at the sight as they found their seats – Fleur and Tonks on the two-seater couch, Reg in a leather arm chair, and Sirius and Remus on the floor sat next to Teddy, Remus sitting with his legs open for Sirius to slot between, leaning against his chest.

“Teddy, love, will you do the honours?” Remus asked and laughed as Ted virtually sprung forward to dive into the gifts laid out carefully under the tree.

And it was magic. But not in that dreamlike, unrealistic way – in the way that only real life can be when all the good things in life converge into a moment of humour, fun, generosity and love.

In years to come, Sirius would remember his first proper Christmas in flashes.

Of Teddy digging out an elf hat to general applause, and presenting the first gift to his mum, his cheeks pink and the haphazard wrapping indicating that the gift was from him.

Of Remus leaning his chin over his shoulder, his arms around Sirius as he opened his first gift, making him perfectly placed to hear the laugh of delight he made when he pulled out a set of two hand painted ceramic coffee mug with a tag that read “from Ted, with love.”

He'd remember bursts of excitement from Fleur and Tonks when they found they had got each other an array of lovely gifts, including that year’s edition of the Swarovski tree decoration from Tonks to Fleur, who, in turn gave a quilted square to Tonks (That Remus explained would be added to the quilt that they were making together and adding to every birthday, Christmas and Valentines day). They had also received prints from a local artist given by Remus, and a gift basket of artisan jams, oils and condiments from Reg that they gushed over, making him flush crimson.

Teddy, it seemed, had been on a ceramic painting spree. Tonks’s parents had apparently taken him to a studio the weekend before, and he’d spend the day happily and busily personalizing all of their gifts; even Regulus’s.

In addition to Remus’s coffee wares, Teddy had painted Fleur and Tonks a set of espresso mugs, Reg a takeaway coffee mug, and Sirius a ceramic vase; “Because dad always bring you flowers when he takes you out!”

He would always remember the feeling of the blood filling his cheeks at the way that Reg and Tonks snorted knowingly at this innocently presented fact, while Fleur cooed at the sweetness of the gesture and Remus hid his equally hot face in his neck.

In addition to his works of art, Ted had bought Tonks a little music box from the market (she cried), bought Sirius a tomato leaf and basil scented candle (“it smells like the pizza you taught me to make!” - Sirius cried as well), and made fudge packaged carefully in cellophane and ribbon for everyone else.

Then there was Reg, opening his gifts with the air of someone who couldn't quite believe that any of it was happening. 

Even the less personal gifts from Tonks and Fleur were met with his personal brand of quiet, reserved happiness; good quality street wear like sweat shirts and socks, or the gourmet chocolate truffles and bottle of virgin berry gin from Remus were all received with gentle thank you's, pink cheeks and bright eyes. 

Teddy's gift made him look dangerously close to bursting to tears; but he pushed through, telling him all about how useful his gift would have been that morning when Sirius had made them late (told with his tongue in his cheek and a twinkle in his eyes.) 

Sirius tried not to be too obvious about watching Reg open his gift. His brother opened the pumpkin spice candle and peanut brittle (a call back from childhood for both of them) with a soft smile as he sniffed the candle, which Sirius swore smelled just like his pumpkin soup. Then he opened the jewelers box that Sirius had placed into the bottom of the bag and Sirius couldn't help but stare. 

It contained a silver bracelet with a silver disk, engraved with the Leo constellation; with it's heart - the star that was Regulus's namesake - inlaid with a tiny green emerald; Reg's favourite colour. Sirius watched as his brother looked at him sharply, his eyes wide and glassy, and he pushed up his own sleeve, where he'd secured his own matching bracelet with his personal constellation engraved with a star in ruby.

He didn't say anything, but looked over his haul, fingers stroking the indentations on the bracelet, and swallowed heavily with a watery smile.

And then there would also be the memory of Remus opening his gifts from Sirius; the monogrammed gentleman’s golfing kit eliciting a squeak of excitement and a gorgeous sangria coloured cashmere cardigan which had had Remus written all over it when Sirius had seen it in the shop.

And there had been the coupon book; a collection of vouchers and deals for restaurants, hotels and activities with a card that read “I can’t wait to do it all with you.” And, of course, tucked away in the back of the book were several hand written coupons of a rather personal nature that Sirius suggested they look together a bit later.

***

Remus closed the entertainment voucher book and pressed kiss after kiss to Sirius’s neck, shoulder and cheek until Tonks threw a cushion at them both.

Remus had also received a new pair of golf shoes from Tonks and Fleur in addition to luxury curl-care products (“As always, Remoo,” Tonks shot with a wink), and a new set of golfing gloves; cream leather with tan trimming, from Reg that somehow fit perfectly and had Sirius and Reg throwing Smirks and rolled eyes at each other that he resolved to ask about later.

Ted had a great haul of Lego from Sirius and Reg, as well the next few installments of his favourite book series from Remus and Tonks. He’d received his favourite sweets from Fleur, some metallic silly-putty, and Christmas pj’s from Fleur and Tonks together. In addition to the Lego, Sirius had also got him a children’s cookbook, and Remus had bought him a Star Wars duvet cover set.

At that, Tonks had been confused.

“He has a set already, Rem,” she said quizzically. Remus felt his heartrate spike at the announcement he was about to make.

“Well,” Remus said, tightening the arm he had around Sirius for stability, “I’ve decided to start looking for a place with a proper spare room.”

Tonks beamed at that and Ted hopped onto his knees.

“So, I can stay over more often?” Teddy asked with his heart in his eyes.

“Exactly, love,” Remus grinned, and leaned over the mountain of wrapping paper to hug his son tightly.

Then Remus watched Sirius open his gifts with something between excitement and nerves.

Sirius unwrapped his first gift, and Remus could tell by its shape and size that it was from him. He watched as Sirius opened the mahogany strip inlaid with a magnetic bar designed to attach to the kitchen wall to hold kitchen knives. Sirius trilled happily and turned to Remus in delight.

“This is amazing, Moony,” he leaned up to kiss Remus’s cheek “It’s gonna be so useful!”

“’Course baby,” Remus grinned, leaning on his shoulder.

The next gift was from Tonks and Fleur; a novelty apron and a pizza board and cutter set; “Teddy will not stop talking about your pizza – hopefully now you can share your genius with the rest of us!”

The apron depicted a big, fluffy ginger cat kneading dough with the phrase “makin’ biscuits” underneath. Sirius was delighted.

Remus’s last set of gifts for Sirius came in a box. Sirius undid the ribbon and popped off the lid and pulled the gift nestled in the tissue paper within. He pulled out the trinket that Remus had found in the market.

It was primarily a Christmas ornament that also functioned as a little box. It was shaped like a porcelain black puppy sitting on a red gift box, wrapped in Christmas lights. The clasp for the box allowed you to open the red present, and inside was Remus’s true gift. It was a watch. With a black leather strap, a black face, and silver hardware and dial. He turned to Remus with a bowled over expression, gaping.

“It’s uh… It’s waterproof – for the next flood I get to rescue you from…” Remus gave sheepishly.

Sirius choked out a laugh, but still gaped – speechless in a way Remus had never seen him before - and held out his wrist for him to fasten it. He took the watch and turned it over for Sirius to see the back before he fastened it around his wrist. On the back of the watch was an inscription engraved next to a shape:

“You’re right up my alley” next to the outline of a bowling pin.

Sirius barked out another laugh, followed by slightly delirious giggling. Then he turned into Remus’s chest and sniffed a little as Remus secured the watch and wrapped him in his arms, hugging him securely.

“I fucking love you, you big softy,” Sirius whisper-laughed and cried (only a little). Remus found himself sniffing a little as well.

“I have something else for you, but it’s more of an alone gift,” He whispered, just for Remus.

“I can stay over at yours tonight?” he replied into his ear. Sirius nodded enthusiastically and turned to his last gift; an envelope marked:

“To Sirius (and Remus), From Reg.”

Remus frowned at Reg, puzzled, as Sirius tore it open. Sirius removed a few pieces of paper, and when he unfolded them, he gasped. Remus looked over his shoulder.

“It’s a – a trip?” Sirius gaped at Reg.

“It’s booked for New Years – but it’s a flexy ticket so you can change it if that doesn’t suit. It’s a trip to Wales and a voucher for a three-night stay in a cabin in the national park; I saw you guys have some pictures doing outdoorsy sh-things,” Reg corrected himself with an apologetic look at Tonks who snorted, amused, “so I thought you guys could hike if it’s clear or whatever else you can do on outdoorsy holidays, but you could also just hang out in the cabin – there’s a spa pool and a fireplace-”

Reg was rambling and it warmed something in Remus to recognize it as something that both he and Sirius did when they were nervous. Sirius interrupted.

“This was booked by a travel agent – is this where you were the other day?”

Reg blushed slightly and nodded.

“And I gave you so much trouble for that…” Sirius groaned a little.

“It’s alright” Reg shrugged “… Is it... is it okay?”

It.

The ticket.

Their precious getaway.

Remus was quiet because he was frankly too overwhelmed to do anything else.

“Reg, this is amazing, thank you so much…” Sirius croaked, clearly also emotional.

“My parents live in Wales,” Remus said quietly. Sirius turned to him.

“That’s right – I forgot about that; We could… could we go see them? Maybe?”

Remus couldn’t help the grin that stretched his cheeks at that. “You want to meet my parents?” he asked quietly, aware that Tonks was watching them carefully.

Sirius blushed and nodded, “I’m only sorry I don’t really have any to introduce you to… You’ve met my brother, does that count?”

Remus nodded, sharing a wry smile with Reg over his head. “It more than counts, love.”

“If it helps,” Reg butted in with a cheeky uncannily Sirius-esque expression, “Your trip has come at the expense of the family. I cleared out my accounts before I went to the, er,” he shot a look to Ted who was reading the instructions on the back of a Lego box carefully, “the retreat...”

Sirius gaped for a second and then he barked a laugh, sharp and sudden.

Remus thought of what he knew about why Sirius had left home. There was a special kind of Irony at play in the Blacks inadvertently paying for a trip Sirius took with his same-sex partner to meet the relationship milestone of being introduced to their parents. It was karmic. Hilarious, perfect Karma. When he finally stopped laughing, he crawled out from Remus’s legs and yanked Reg out of his armchair and enveloped him in a hug.

When he released Reg he turned back to Remus, suddenly anxious.

“It’s okay if you’d rather I didn’t meet them yet; we can just go on the trip – or move it to when you’re ready...”

Remus snorted incredulously and held out his arms for Sirius to return. 

“I’d love you to meet my parents, baby. They’re going to love you.”

***

With presents out the way, Teddy finally succumbed to the excitement and took a nap. Tonks privately confided to Remus that he'd been up since at least 5am, creeping to the living room to stare at the tree and the gifts for a while, and reading until Tonks and Fleur had woken up and the others had arrived. 

He, Sirius and Reg helped tidy away the packaging and wrappings and pack away the gifts in tote bags, and then Sirius got to work in the Kitchen. 

Remus and Reg were shooed to the living room with coffee and a tray of chocolate and biscuits to amuse themselves while Fleur and Sirius cooked and Tonks took pictures. 

They had the prep done, and the turkey in the oven just before noon, and Remus had seen Sirius remove a pudding wrapped in foil from a cooler bag and stashed in the fridge, and then it was time for a light lunch. Teddy was coaxed from sleep looking bleary and with his curls sticking out all over the place, and was ushered to the living room where they shared cold meats, rolls, and salad over the coffee table. 

In the afternoon, they played Cranium.

"Is it Pulp Fiction?" Fleur asked, gasping in hysterics as Sirius shook his head again in frustration at the charades prompt. He tapped his hand to his wrist with three fingers, and then resumed thrusting into the air with a determined expression. 

Remus was lost, he had to turn into his arms folded onto the table and wheeze silently as he shook with giggles. Tonks and Regulus were similarly afflicted, her with a hand covering her eyes as she cackled, and he with his head tipped back over the back of his chair as they nearly wet themselves. 

"Sirius, Mi Amore, I am totally befuddled, just move onto the second word, for Christ's sake."

Remus looked up as Sirius paused thoughtfully. Then he breathed out in resignation, dropped to the floor, and began to flop around.

Remus snorted so hard that he saw stars. Fleur didn't fare any better, yelping in hilarity covering her mouth in horror. Reg raised his phone and began to film. Teddy was giggling so hard the chocolate milk he'd been drinking came out his nose. 

"Time!" Tonks finally gasped out and Sirius rolled over, panting and laughing at the roof while Fleur turned over his card. 

"A hump-backed whale???" she shrieked, to renewed hilarity. 

"I'd like to have seen you do a better job!" Sirius panted as he caught his breath. 

Their teams had been split so that people who knew each other best weren't on the same team. To that end, Fleur was with Sirius and Tonks was with Reg. That put Remus with Teddy, which under the circumstances, seemed like the best deal of the lot. 

He rolled the dice on their turn after fetching his kid some tissues to clean up the chocolate snot, and their token landed on the Pictionary icon. Remus pulled the drawing pad and pencil to himself at his son's urging as Sirius handed him a card with a prompt. 

He read it and smiled, then nodded to Tonks to turn over the hourglass and began to draw. 

He started by painstakingly drawing two dark dots parallel to each other. Then he moved onto the next component and Tonks smacked him hard in the arm as Ted continued to watch the pencil carefully, non-plussed. 

"Watch it!" He protested, leaning away, "You'll spoil my creation!" 

"It's already spoiled, you horrible man," he complained, scandalised.

"But it's just a Basset Hound!" he protested with false innocence as the time ran out, adding to his drawing of two large circles with black dots in the center, connected to an hourglass shape with an inverted heart on the bottom with a large circle around the suggestive shape, completing the picture with two floppy ears and a panting tongue. 

Tonks and Reg groaned as Fleur and Sirius guffawed. Teddy was delighted and non-the-wiser, asking if he could keep the dog picture for his memory box. Remus smugly peeled the paper off the pad and handed it to his son to the eyerolls of all at the table.

To the surprise of no one, Tonks and Reg won, and Sirius and Fleur retired to the kitchen to finish cooking. 

And the dinner was incredible. 

Syrupy, sweet carrots, and crunchy steamed greenbeans. Baked sweet yams and vibrant orange sweet potatoes, red onions and squash. There were crispy, sinfully fatty and salty potatoes, and steaming, fragrant garlic bread and noodle salad. And the turkey.. It was perfection. Large, and glistening with rendered fat basted over skin cooked to gold and bubbling with butter and bacon. The flesh was moist and delicious and the gravy perfectly savory and creamy and the stuffing was herby and oniony and perfect. There was cranberry and mint sauce, and parmesan melted on the potatoes, and sweet prosecco with berries floating in the glass.

In short, it was -

"Perfection, Sirius..." Tonks groaned as she went for a second helping of the stuffing and potatoes. 

"Well, Fleur made the potatoes and the rest of the sides," Sirius protested. 

"The salad is particularly good," Reg said leaning back in his chair in a gesture suggesting he might pop. 

"When did you learn to make the turkey?" Remus asked Sirius, slipping a hand onto his knee and squeezing. Sirius gave him a shy smile. 

"When I was at the uni last week," he explained. "James and I took a course."

"It's soooo goood," Teddy groaned, going in for another piece of turkey skin.

Sirius laughed, "I'm glad you liked it, Ted, I wanted it to be special."

"Wait till you see what he has for desert," Fleur gave with a blissed out smirk. 

The warmed fig pudding was served with homemade vanilla ice cream and custard. The rich, sticky fruitcake, wafting fragrantly from Remus's bowl and he was in heaven.

***

Several hours later, Sirius got out of the car, feeling calm and sated and exhausted.

He rubbed his thumb over the indentations in the bracelet his wore. It was Reg's.

During the calm, post dinner fog as they had chatted around the crackling fire in the living room; Sirius sitting on the floor in front of Remus against his legs - Reg had come to sit to his side. He'd unceremoniously unclasped his and Sirius's bracelets, and then swapped them so that Sirius wore Leo, and Reg wore Canis Major. 

They went into Sirius's flat; quiet but content, and dropped their things onto the dining table to deal with later. Reg announced he was going for a shower, and Sirius made himself and Remus tea, which they summarily took to his room. 

Remus flopped onto Sirius's bed and groaned. 

"I am going to need to take every item of clothing I have to be tailored and let out..."

"Who's the drama queen now?" Sirius smirked settling their cups of tea and going to dig in his wardrobe.

"Still you," Remus said pleasantly. "Come here, Masterchef; I require snuggles." He held his arms out for Sirius. 

"Not yet," Sirius said making his way over and settling on his side of the bed, holding two parcels. 

Remus sat up expectantly and turned to face him on the bed, and Sirius sat with his legs folded under him as he leaned forward, presenting Remus with a little box.

Remus took the box with a giddy little expression. "You already spoiled me with lovely gifts and a heavenly dinner, you didn't have to get me anything else."

"I know," Sirius replied softly, watching as Remus opened it, and pulled the key from the tissue inside. He looked at Sirius quizzically.

“It’s a key for my place,” he said shyly, looking at his duvet cover.

“I know we have like a bajillion steps before we move in together, or anything like that, but I thought you should have a key because you’re always welcome here. With me.”

“And Reg," Remus smirked.

"For a little while, anyway," Sirius laughed along.

Remus was looking down as well, stroking Sirius's hand, and blinking rapidly.

"Is it alright?" Sirius asked, "I know it's soon."

"No!" he responded enthusiastically, reaching forward to kiss him soundly and pulling back, has hand lingering on his cheek. "No, thank you baby," he smiled the crinkly eyed, pink cheeked smile that Sirius loved. And then he turned hopeful and almost nervous. "I was thinking actually…”

“Yeah?” Sirius said encouragingly. 

“What If I put in an offer for the place next door to yours?" He asked, eyes bright, "It’s definitely too soon for us to move in or anything, but I do need a place with a spare for Ted, and I’d love to be closer to you…”

“Yes." Sirius responded immediately, "Oh, my god, Yes. It’s perfect! Then you can come over whenever you want now that you have a key!”

“And if I get a key, then you do too...” Remus grinned as he touched his cheeks. “You’re sure? I wanted to make sure it was alright with you in case you thought it would be like living in each other’s pockets before we’re ready…”

“Not at all, love. We both have lives aside from our relationship. You’ll do your sports, and parent Teddy - and be happier because you can have him over more, and I’ll still go on hikes and runs with James, and help my brother figure out his life, and maybe mine as well, and sometimes those things will involve each other, and sometimes it won’t – but the best part is that if either of us have a tough day, or need a sounding board we can nip next door for a cuddle or tea…”

"Or a shag..." Remus quipped.

They were mirrors of each other, with their legs folded under them and leaning in to hold each other's cheeks as they talked it over, smiling and blinking and bone tired with the best kind of exhaustion. But not entirely, Sirius reflected, watching Remus's pupils expand at the idea of sex and he felt his own breath hitch and desire curl in his belly in response. 

“Maybe... maybe I can cash in one of my coupons now…” Remus suggested hopefully, "one of the sexy ones?"

Sirius nodded somberly, “Sensible really, burn off some of the dinner before we go to sleep..." He raised a brow. "You wanna be right up my alley?"

Remus burst out laughing, dropping his head into Sirius's shoulder as he shook. Sirius dragged his hands up his back and chuckled as well.

When Remus recovered, he leaned in for a proper, languid kiss; an indicator for how he wanted it to be that night - soft and loving and slow. Sirius felt himself warm and liquify in response.

"Hmmm..." he hummed, tasting the spice form the pudding and mint from the biscuits they'd had over tea. "Maybe we can use my last gift for you now as well…”

“And what’s that?” Remus groaned, moving his hands over Sirius's shoulders and down his torso.

“It’s a massage oil candle. I got it from the market the other night...”

Remus laughed in surprise, and kissed him harder.

“God I love you…”

Chapter Text

“Are you gonna introduce him to the gang while you’re in Wales?”

It was Boxing Day evening and Remus was collecting Teddy to spend the night at his before he left with Sirius on the twenty-eighth to leave for their trip to Wales. He had been waiting for Teddy to get his things together in the kitchen over a cup of tea when Tonks posed the question. He turned to see her leaning against the counter with her arms crossed, watching him carefully as she blew on the contents of her mug.

“We might have drinks, or something,” he gave with a shrug, unbothered but enjoying the mental picture of Sirius interacting with his childhood friends.

“Pete?” she asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he replied, thinking that he and Sirius would get along particularly well.

“Emmaline?”

“Yup… why?”

“And… Chris?”

He turned to look at her fully. “He’s part of the old group, so yes. What are you getting at, Tonks?”

“Just that you and Chris have… a history.”

“A history? Nothing ever happened between us,” he protested.

“You two had so much sexual tension that we used to have a betting pool going.”

“What?” he asked, horrified.

“Yeah, I lost a bit of money on that actually. We used to have a running bet on when you two would act on your thing and fuck already. I thought you would as soon as you came out, honestly, but then you had to get into that awful accident.”

“We didn’t, ugh… We were only flirty because we were the only two in the group of that persuasion. It was just a convenience thing. Experimentation, even. But nothing ever came from it.”

“I heard he still holds a torch for you, though...” she gave cheekily.

“Well then, he’s going to be disappointed. I’m with Sirius and that is not likely to change. Like at all.”

“I know that,” She said soothingly to his sudden defensiveness, “but do you think you might want to warn Sirius, though? That Chris might need an adjustment period?”

Remus thought about that. He didn’t want Sirius to worry unnecessarily; especially given that there was nothing to worry about from Remus’s end, and he knew Sirius was nervous enough.

“I’m not sure,” he said honestly, “I might see if there’s any truth to any of it first, and then if it turns out he’s still – how did you put it? – ‘Holding a torch?’- and if he is, then I’ll pull Sirius aside and provide reassurance. But I don’t think it’s my responsibility to placate Chris. My position should be clear when I introduce Sirius.”

She smiled at that and opened her mouth to reply before Teddy suddenly came bustling into the kitchen with his duffel bag and backpack.

“Ready!” he called unnecessarily.

“Right, we’ll be off then!” Remus gave back with equal enthusiasm and kissed Tonks on the cheek in farewell before he led Teddy out the door with a “Bye! See you tomorrow night!” called over their shoulders as they left. He ushered his son to the car, listening to him chatter on about what Andromeda and Ted had got their grandson for Christmas when they’d visited earlier, replying excitedly about a new video game he'd received and trying not to worry that any connection from years past would jeopardize what he had with Sirius.

***

Sirius sat and watched as the English countryside bled into the Welsh from his window seat as the train sped on. He took a deep breath and brought a hand up to run it through Remus’s curls from where he was pressed against Sirius, fast asleep on his shoulder.

In a relationship first, where Remus had not been responsible for driving them for any length of time, it turned out that Remus’s first reaction to extended travel was to drift off mid-sentence as he was telling Sirius about places that he wanted to take him in his home town, and eventually gravitate to leaning heavily on Sirius as he slept, snoring softly.

 He wondered if it would be like this when he eventually learned to drive and Remus didn’t have to be behind the wheel all the time. He found himself even more excited to learn at that prospect.

He could just picture Remus’s head pillowed on a jacket or a picnic blanket against the window of a car as Sirius drove, his face slightly smushed the way it always was in sleep and gently snoring as Sirius got them where they needed to go. The image made him smile even as Remus’s arms came around him in his seat and he snuggled in closer in his sleep, giving Sirius the opportunity to place his arms around his shoulders easily.

He was grateful for the moment of introspection as they travelled. Remus had talked of nothing but his mother’s scones and his father’s favorite shepherd’s pie and getting drinks with his childhood friends at the pub since they’d planned their last-minute trip facilitated by Regulus’s generous Christmas gift. And while Sirius was excited to be integrated into this aspect of Remus’s life, he just needed a second to talk his anxieties down from their current fever pitch at the worry of not meeting the expectations of those near and dear to Remus, or being an outright disappointment when he was inevitably introduced.

It was the twenty eighth, and the plan was for them to spend a couple days staying with Remus’s parents, visiting with Lyall and Hope Lupin and giving Remus an opportunity to reconnect with his old friend group and introduce Sirius. After a few days of socializing they would head to their cabin in the woods on the thirty first to see in the new year on their own and be back on the 3rd. And he was excited. He was also worried. He didn’t exactly have a great track record with parents.

“I can hear you thinking, baby.”

Sirius chuckled and looked back at Remus looking up at him from where he still hadn’t moved from against his shoulder.

“Oh yeah?”

Remus nodded. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I’m just overthinking. Nothing unusual.”

Remus frowned.

“I know the trip was last minute. I hope you're not feeling pressured to meet my friends and family before you’re ready…”

Sirius leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Nonsense, love. I’m so excited to meet your people…”

“I sense a but,” he replied quietly, and Sirius saw his expression turn concerned and felt a large hand slip into his. He squeezed it gratefully.

“No. It’s a full sentence,” he reassured. “I’m excited to meet your people. And I’m nervous.”

Remus smiled, and he knew at once he’d said the right thing.

“They’re going to love you, baby.”

Sirius smiled and he knew it was wobbly. “Your parents… do they know about me?”

Remus sat up to look at him better. “I told them about you a few weeks back. At the end of November. They’re excited to meet you, love.”

“And they know I’m a bloke…”

Remus snorted a little before he was able to stifle his laughter.

“They know I’m gay, sweetheart. So by extension, yes, they know you’re a man.”

Sirius ducked his head sheepishly.

“What if they think I’m not good enough? A late-twenties dropkick just starting to get their shit together…”

“Dad might have something to say about your hair,” he reached up and twirled a finger through a lock of black hair with a smirk that told Sirius just how much he cared about that particular potential critique, “but he’ll appreciate that you're a person trying to better themselves through education. And he understands hard work. It’s something you have in common.”

“And your mum? How likely is she to compare me to some childhood sweetheart of yours that she thinks deserves you more?”

Something flickered in Remus’s eyes for a split second before his expression softened again.

“Sirius, I want you to hear me. If anything, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”

Sirius began to protest before Remus’s finger pressed to his lips. “This is the point, darling. There’s absolutely no point in trying to justify our worth to each other. I think you’re more valuable than your weight in platinum, and three times as useful-”

“-only three?” Sirius teased and Remus smirked back.

“Yes well, you’re funny, and you cook and I quite like sleeping with you so-”

He caught Sirius’s hand as he made to flick him in indignation.

“Well, you have Teddy which is an immediate selling point, so you immediately become more of a catch for me.”

“See, when I was still trying to flirt with you through Game of Thrones reviews in our breaks at work, I was terrified that you’d find out I’m a dad and run the other way.”

“So… You’re saying that the thing I’m worried about might be my biggest selling point?”

“I probably wouldn’t have put it quite so eloquently, but in principle, yes.”

“I fucking love you, you know that?”

Remus kissed him, chaste and sweet. “I love you more.”

Remus replaced his head on Sirius’s shoulder, but this time they just turned to the window and watched the winter scenery pass.

“Remus…”

“Hmmm?”

“Will you teach me to drive?”

He felt Remus consider that for a second before he felt a kiss pressed to his shoulder.

“We can start as soon as we get back.”

***

Their Uber pulled up to perfectly normal house just on the outskirts of town. Well, perfectly normal apart from the fact that it was literally bright yellow. Sirius felt himself grin as soon as they pulled up to the two story, canary yellow, terracotta roofed home with a lovely big yard that he imagined would be overflowing with flowers in the summer time. They pulled up the driveway and a second later the front door opened and a short, pretty woman with Remus's colouring - brown eyes and coppery hair - and a tall man with greying, brown curls and Remus's smile burst out of the house to join them as they unloaded their bags.

“Cariad!” the woman called and Remus’s smile split and he strode from the car to meet them.

“Mum! Da!” he greeted with a laugh

He caught his mum in a hug and accepted his father’s slap on the back with one of his own. Then he turned to where Sirius was keeping busy thanking the driver and finishing unloading their bags. He extended a hand and Sirius took it, allowing himself to be pulled closer.

“Mum, Da. This is my Sirius.”

Sirius melted to Remus’s side, accepting a handshake from Remus’s dad -“pleased to meet you, lad,” - and a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek from his mum, -“Please call me Hope, darling, we’re so happy to meet you!” - as they stood in the cold late December air. He felt his cheeks flush and his center go gooey at the affectionate greeting.

“I’m happy to be here, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Thank you for having me.” She took his hand and looped her arm through his.

“Remus and Lyall will bring your things in, dear, lets make some tea.”

He got a twinkling look from Remus as he was led away by his mother.

Remus watched as an overwhelmed and bewildered looking Sirius was led inside by his mum and spared him a smile before he turned to help his dad with the bags.

“Did he have a fight with his barber?” he asked, his tongue firmly in his cheek as he watched Remus watch Sirius led away with a no doubt love-struck-puppy look.

Remus snorted. “I told him you’d have something to say about his hair.”

“Yeah, well, at least he has enough of it to make the length work.”

“He does at that,” Remus smirked. “How are you, da?”

“All the better for having seen you. How’s Ted?”

“Told me to tell you that he placed first in his most recent math test.”

“Little genius, that one…”

“Not so little anymore. He grew an inch and a half in the last 3 months.”

“Jesus preserve us. I’ll ask your ma to send him some of your old things if you like?”

“That would be great,” Remus shouldered a bag, “I’m sure Tonks would appreciate the budget buffer.”

Lyall picked up the other bag.

“So, what does he do?”

“Sirius?”

“Yes – you met at work, right?”

“That’s right. We’re both still with Phoenix. Although…”

Lyall looked at him, “Although?”

“He’s been talking about studying.”

Lyall nodded in interest. “Well, that’s something, isn’t it? I respect someone who wants to do better for themselves at any stage in their lives.”

He smiled at that opened the door for his dad and let him go in ahead.

“Your mum made up your room for you. I assume you’ll be sharing,” he shot a teasing look over his shoulder as Remus followed him up the stairs. He snorted.

“Yes, da. We’re in our late twenties is it alright that we share a room?”

Lyall laughed, “of course, I was just giving you shit.”

Remus chuckled as they dropped the bags on Remus’s old double bed. It would be snug, but that was hardly a problem in Remus’s mind.

“Right.” Lyall sighed, straightening. “Shall we go and rescue him?”

Remus smiled, “He’s a big boy. And he’s good with people.”

“I’m sure, but someone can only have so many biscuits and cups of tea, and your mum is nosey...”

“My Sirius…”

Remus had really said that to his parents, and they had embraced him like they were delighted at his presence.

And now he was sitting in the Lupin’s living room, letting Hope Lupin ply him with tea and chocolate biscuits and trying not to give away how overwhelmed he was.

“So, Sirius, how was your Christmas?”

Sirius smiled, thinking about the perfect day they had had with Tonks, Fleur, Teddy and Reg. “It was amazing, what about you?”

“We just had a quiet day,” she smiled back, “We’re quite close with the Pettigrew’s and so they had us over for Christmas dinner.”

“That sounds nice. Tonks had us over for the day. It was really lovely.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. Remus said your brother is staying with you at the moment?”

“That’s right,” Sirius said taking a sip of his tea, “it’s been interesting.”

“Were your parents away for Christmas? Is that why you didn't spend it with them?”

Sirius nearly choked. Jesus.

He supposed he shouldn’t be so surprised that they had got there so quickly. Normal people did want to talk about their families.

“Um. My brother and I… we’re not on easy terms with the rest of our family.”

She frowned at that and Sirius felt a spark of anxiety, trying to figure out what to say next, when Lyall and Remus conveniently arrived and he breathed a (hopefully) imperceptible sigh of relief as Remus came to sit next to him.

“Ma, are you already interrogating him? Couldn't let him finish his tea first?”

His tone was light, but the look Remus gave him gave the barest hint of concern as he asked it. Ah. He’d heard then.

“I’m just getting to know him,” she protested as Remus took his hand and squeezed it. He squeezed it back.

“We were just talking about our Christmas’s” Sirius added.  

“Oh, that reminds me,” Remus said, taking the proverbial steering wheel of the conversation, to Sirius’s relief, “I have Teddy’s gifts for you.”

“Oh, lovely!” Hope brightened at the mention of her grandson, “We have a few bits and pieces for him too. And for you, love.” She passed the tray of biscuits to Remus who took one with a small thanks.

They passed a little longer in pleasant conversation when Lyall slapped his thighs and got to his feet.

“Well, I have a shopping list to go and fulfill and instructions to be back before 5pm so the lady of the house can cook, so I’ll leave you all to it.”

“Do you need a hand at all, da?” Remus asked.

“Nope, thanks Rem. We’ll chat more over dinner.”

And with that, Lyall left and it was just Remus, Sirius and Hope.

“Are you seeing anyone in town while you’re here, Remus?” she asked, sipping her second cup of tea.

“Yep, I got a text just now from Em asking if we wanted to meet for drinks at the pub tonight.” He turned to Sirius, “What about it, love? You want to go tonight after dinner, or would you prefer to sort something tomorrow?”

“We can go tonight,” Sirius said, relaxing now. “I’m looking forward to meeting everyone.”

“I’ll text her and let her know, then,” he smiled, dropping a kiss onto Sirius’s head.

“I might take a shower, if that’s alright? I can feel the train all over me.”

“Of course, of course,” Hope flapped a hand, “I’ve left towels in your bedroom. Make yourself at home!”

“I can help you with dinner if you like?” Sirius asked, feeling like he was warming to her already.

“You should take him up on that offer, ma,” Remus said, looking up from his phone, “Sirius is an amazing cook.”

“Well, we’ll see,” she said sweetly, “it’s your holiday and I don’t want you to feel like we’re putting you to work.”

“It really wouldn’t be work,” Sirius said genuinely, “but I’ll follow your lead.”

“I like this one, Rem,” she sent him a wink. “He knows the pecking order around here.”

Remus rolled his eyes and stood, giving Sirius a hand up. “I’ll show you to my room.”

“Am I about to see Remus Lupin’s chamber of secrets?” he asked as he was led to the stairs.

“Oh, shut it, you,” Remus said, good naturedly as he got to the top of the stairs and gestured to an open door on the landing. Sirius went ahead and stepped into Remus’s room.

The room was simply decorated in shades of navy and maroon. The bed was a double and the frame was a light varnished pine that shone amber under the overhead light. There was a David Bowie poster on one side of the built-in wardrobe and a selection of photo's stuck to the other side with tape of Remus as he was growing up. There were a number of photos that showed Remus with a group of young people that Sirius assumed were the friends they were meeting that night. He turned around to find Remus watching him take in the room, leaning against the shut door with a little smile on his face.

“My teenage self would be dying if he’d seen this,” Remus said with a chuckle.

“What’s that?” Sirius asked, tilting his head a little. Remus stepped into the room with a slightly predatory gait, his eyes going dark.

“A gorgeous man, all to myself…” he said with a smirk, “alone in my room…”

“Oh yeah?” Sirius replied with a teasing smirk.

“Mhm. Except my teenage self would prefer you to be wearing far fewer clothes.”

Sirius bit his lip. “Just teenage Remus? Or adult Remus too? Coz I’m afraid I only really have eyes for adult Remus.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Remus replied, finally stepping close “Adult Remus rather fancies you too…”

Sirius raised to his toes and kissed him.

“You took me home to meet your parents,” Sirius said against his lips as Remus pulled him closer.

“I did,” Remus smiled back nipping at his lower lip.

“I can’t believe you took me home to meet your parents.”

“You’re my home now, baby.”

Sirius made a desperate little noise and deepened the kiss, steering Remus to the bed by his hips until he was sitting on the bed.

“What are you doing?” Remus asked, watching Sirius drop to his knees between his legs.

“You can’t say shit like that, and not expect me to show you how grateful I am for you.”

“We have to be quiet…”

“Well, my mouth is about to be full, but I’m sure those pillows saw plenty of action when teenage Remus slept here…” Remus barked out an incredulous laugh as Sirius unzipped his jeans and worked their way down to reveal Remus’s semi.

“Hey, Sirius,” Remus said, laughter still ringing through his tone,

“Yes, baby?” Sirius replied casually, mouthing along Remus’s length as he grew hard.

“I fucking love you, okay?”

“I fucking love you too,” Sirius laughed, taking Remus in his mouth.

The next sound that came from Remus’s mouth was muffled as he used a pillow from the head of his bed to cover his mouth when he cried out.

***

The pub door had a bell over it that tinkled when they entered later that evening, bundled up to the hilt and rosy cheeked from both cold and happiness. 

Almost immediately they were greeted by an enthusiastic "Remus!" being called from a table close to the roaring fireplace on the opposite side of the room.

"That will be Pete," Remus laughed as he took Sirius's coat and scarf from him and hung them on the coat rack by the door. Sirius smiled and ran a hand over Remus's Cashmere clad chest, tickled at seeing him wearing his Christmas gift. 

"Come," Remus nodded to the table with a happy little twinkle, and taking Sirius's hand as he pulled him over.

"Pete!" Remus greeted, dropping Sirius's hand to accept a hug from a short, stocky man with sandy blonde hair and apple red cheeks. "It's been too long, mate, how are you!"

"Better and better, Rem, It's so good to see you!" 

Remus turned to Sirius with an arm out. 

"Pete, this is Sirius, my partner. Sirius, this is Pete, my oldest mate in the whole world..."

"Oh I've heard all about you," Pete laughed and came to Sirius for an immediate hug. 

"You have?" Sirius asked with a laugh, shooting Remus a smile. 

"We skype regularly," Remus said sheepishly, "Pete is Teddy's godfather."

"Ah," Sirius accepted as Pete showed them to their seats at the table. 

"Are we the first here, Pete?" Remus asked, Resting an arm loosely around the back of Sirius's chair when he'd pulled his chair in. 

"Em said she's running late," Pete explained, "she's picking up Chris."

"Classic," Remus gave with an amused grin, "do you have a drink, Pete?"

"I'm sorted, Remus, but don't let me stop you from sorting yourselves."

Remus turned to Sirius. "What do you fancy?" 

"I'd love a Bourbon, please," Sirius replied. 

"Done," Remus smirked, leaning down to kiss his cheek before he got up and went to the bar. 

"So Sirius, Remus told me the basics, but I'd love to know more about you," Peter leaned in, holding his beer and smiling warmly. Sirius decided he liked him. "Tell me everything. All your hopes and dreams..."

Sirius barked a laugh, "Well hopes? I'm hoping to start some study this year. Dreams? I don't know, man most of them just involve a life with Remus," he laughed self consciously as Peter "awwwed."

"What about you, what do you do?" Sirius returned, and Pete embarked on telling Sirius all about his career doing game design as Remus returned with something that smelled distinctly bourbon-y with a hint of vanilla.

"They had that special edition Bourbon you like," Remus told him when Sirius took an appreciative sip. 

"You're my hero, baby," Sirius smiled taking Remus's hand and squeezing. 

"Okay, so this is my new favorite thing," Pete said, looking between them with a bowled over expression. "You guys are not allowed to break up, kay?"

"Thanks Pete," Remus laughed, "I'm not concerned at this stage, but your support means a lot."

"Yeah, he'll have to turf me out kicking and screaming at this point," Sirius echoed, and Remus raised their threaded hands up to kiss his knuckles fondly.

"Well isn't this cozy," a female voice rang out as it approached, and they stood as two more people approached. 

The first was a woman - Emmaline as Remus introduced - lovely, tall and willowy with glossy mahogany hair cut into a blunt bob and dressed in a wine red Jumper dress and knee high black boots. She grinned when Remus held his arms out for her and her vampy red lipstick left a smudge in his cheek that she wiped away with a napkin as she told him how amazing it was to see him. When Remus introduced Sirius she gave him a curious once over before exchanging a look with the man who had entered with her - Chris, Sirius supposed - and said she was happy to meet him.

Chris, who arrived with her, was around Sirius's height, or maybe slightly taller. he was stockier than him and had mousy brown hair and the kind of good looks that made you feel at home; light green eyes thickly lashed and crinkled at the sides when he smiled, dimples in each cheek and dressed in a green button down, brown chinos and boots.

Between the crinkly-eyed smile directed his way and the way his hug hello lingered just slightly too long, Sirius was immediately aware that Chris only had eyes for Remus. He found himself leaning into his side possessively as he was introduced to him. 

"This is Sirius, my boyfriend," Remus introduced, seemingly oblivious to the heart eyes being sent his way.

"Oh, wow," Chris gave in a smooth lilting Welsh accent. "How long have you guys been together? Big step, meeting the family and friends..." Sirius tried not to narrow his eyes at that jibe. 

"We've been together since late October," Sirius replied, taking his hand and shaking it firmly, "I'm very excited to be meeting all Remus's people," he said, trying for genuine rather than hostile. Chris's gaze flickered between he and Remus in an assessing fashion.

"Does anyone need a drink?" Emmaline asked before she sat, "or do we need some snacks?" 

"I can grab us some table nibbles," Pete offered, heading to the bar with Emmaline as she went to order drinks. Chris Sat opposite to Remus, between where Emmaline had hung her bag on the seat on Sirius's other side, and Peter. 

"So Sirius," Chris began, taking a seat, "What do you do?"

"I work with Remus actually-" Sirius started, but Remus cut him off. 

"Sirius and I both work at Phoenix. It's how we met."

"Ah, a work romance," Chris nodded with a dry smile, "not violating any HR clauses, then?"

Sirius frowned but Remus seemed unbothered. "We have a good friend in the HR department so we'd know if there was anything dodgy about it, but it's all legit," he assured. Sirius took a sip of his drink. 

"So no conflicts of interest in working on the same team then?" 

"We're on different teams," Remus replied. Sirius wondered dimly why it felt like Remus was doing everything possible to avoid telling him he worked in the call center. 

"Oh, what team are you in, Sirius?" Chris asked, looking away from Remus for the first time since they had sat down. 

"I'm in the call center, actually," Sirius said with a bright smile which immediately began to falter when Chris's eyebrows shot up and he gave Remus a look. "What do you do, Chris?" he asked.

"I'm an accountant," He replied, and Sirius swore there was something superior about it. "Remus and I were both in the advanced math classes at school."

"Ah, so you must have spent quite a bit of time together," Sirius said casually. He didn't know if he was imagining Remus shifting in his seat somewhat, and was even less sure if it was discomfort or just settling onto the chair again.

"Quite a bit, yes," Chris answered, but he was looking straight at Remus. This time, Sirius knew exactly what that look meant.

He took another sip of his drink as Peter and Emmaline returned to the table armed with a basket of chips and a tray of cheese toasties. 

"Thanks Pete," Remus said and picked up a triangle section of a toastie. Sirius darted a look to him. He was smiling. He didn't seem to notice anything strange about the way that Chris was interacting with him, and so he turned to Emmaline. 

"Your dress is gorgeous," he complimented. She beamed, and they picked up a conversation about how she'd just had her colours done and discovered she was a true winter and ever since she'd been inundated with compliments. He asked her about the process of getting ones 'colours done' and she spent a long time telling him about warm and cool undertones and the scales within the colour seasons, and by the time she had finished her mini lecture he was feeling far more relaxed in the wake of her enthusiastic explanation and willingness to include him. He asked what season she'd think he fitted into and she spent a long moment looking him over before she nodded and told him he was probably in the winter family too. 

"It's why you look so good in black," she said, giving him a critical once over, taking in his simple, slim fitting black knitted top, black jeans and docs.

Just then Remus burst out laughing and they turned to the rest of the group. 

"Care to share with the rest of us, lads?" she asked. 

"Chris was just reminiscing about a prank we played on one of our teachers when we were in the same history class," Peter explained. "We had a group project where we had to give a speech on historical feminists," he went on, "and the three of us dressed in drag as famous Suffragettes."

"You wouldn't believe how convincing we were," Chris picked up the story, "Remus in particular-"

"It's those big brown eyes," Em said irritably, "God gives men the best eyelashes."

"Plus he had the best legs for skirts of all of us," Chris smirked at Remus over his wineglass. 

Sirius shot a look to Remus to see him still fizzing with laughter, apparently not realising or caring that he was being flirted at right in front of his boyfriend. 

"I'm going to get a refill," Sirius said, trying for a good natured smile, "Did you want anything more, babe?"

"I'm alright, sweetheart, thank you," Remus said a - little dismissively he imagined- as he turned back to his friends to expand on the reminiscing. 

Sirius got up and went to the bar and ordered another vanilla bourbon on ice, turning back to the table to watch the old friends interacting while he waited. 

Remus was grinning and laughing in a way that Sirius had never seen before. His cheeks were red from his whisky sour and the warmth of the room and humor, he was gesturing animatedly as he spoke, and his friends were laughing in response to every second thing he said. 

It unlocked an odd little door in Sirius's heart.

On one hand, it was wonderful to see Remus so relaxed and happy. It made Sirius feel unutterably warm and soft to see him genuinely letting go and enjoying himself this much.

On the other hand, a small part of Sirius felt sad. Because clearly, this was the person that Remus had been when he'd been young and carefree and without worry, and this was the first that Sirius had ever seen it. It felt simultaneously like a gift; a window into Remus he might not have had otherwise, and also a curse; a hint of what Sirius had never been able to bring out of him before. 

And then, amid a particularly raucous bout of laughter as the bartender slid his bourbon over on the bar, Chris reached over, across the table, and gripped Remus's arm with a familiarity and intimacy that immediately got Sirius's hackles raised and Sirius couldn't watch any longer if he wanted to avoid making a scene. He clocked an outdoor seating area to the left of the loos and made a dash for it, hoping that none of the reunion party would see him fleeing. 

When Sirius closed the door behind him and the frigid air washed over him it was both a relief and a shock to the system. He stood, breathing heavily for a few moments. Then he skulled back his fresh bourbon before he could think better of it, and enjoyed the sweet burning as it made its way down his throat and into his stomach, lighting a small but comforting fire there when it settled. He let out a shaky breath. 

He immediately regretted his escape. He shouldn't have left for air without saying anything. He had a momentary panic that Remus might think he'd ditched before he remembered that he'd left his phone on the table, then felt absurdly sad that he didn't have it with him so that he could call James. Or Regulus.

He just wanted someone to tell him that he was imagining it.

He wanted someone to tell him he was overreacting about an attractive man, one that Remus had extensive history with, openly flirting with him. Furthermore, flirting overtly with no-one - including Remus - doing anything to stop him. He wanted someone to tell him that Remus's sudden change into a carefree, joking character who didn't even seem to realise that Sirius had gone, was just a symptom of being flooded with childhood memories and not an indicator that he was happier here, in his home town with Chris, than he was in Edinburgh with Sirius. 

He was about to turn back and head inside again when the door opened and Chris himself came out to join him, offering him another bourbon and holding his own drink. 

"You looked like you needed this," Chris said, sidling up to Sirius and handing him the drink. 

"Thanks," Sirius said, trying not to sound curt. 

They stood in silence for a moment.

"So is the call center an in-between gig for you?" 

Sirius took a sip of his drink, thinking in some distant part of his brain that he was probably drinking too much. 

"You could call it that," Sirius said vaguely, "I needed a fresh start, and it got me to Edinburgh."

"What's the plan now that you're settled?" Chris followed up. 

Sirius sighed. Oh, well. Chris already thought he was better than Sirius, so he figured honestly couldn't hurt at this point. 

"I'm probably going to study."

Chris looked at him with raised brows.

"You got something to say, Chris?" he asked, and this time there was no disguising the note of sneer in his tone. 

Chris tilted his head back and forth. "I guess I'm just wondering whether that kind of uncertainty will be good for Remus right now."

"Oh?" he replied coldly, taking a gulp of his drink. 

"Yeah, well, he has Teddy and his own job and future to think about. He's an adult, you know? You don't think you might be presuming a bit much to think he'll support you through that?" 

Sirius coughed in shock at the assumption. 

"Firstly, what the fuck do you know about anything. Secondly -"

"-Hey, man, I'm just saying that Remus needs people to rely on too."

"And how do you know he can't rely on me?"

Chris gave him an appraising once over. He didn't seem impressed.

"Please. You don't exactly give off 'stable' energy." he raised his hand, presumably to count off Sirius's many faults as he saw them. 

"Glorified almost-30 year old student about to start a four year degree he probably won't finish," he put down his thumb, "drinks too much," he put down another with a meaningful look at Sirius's third half-empty drink. "You probably don't have any financial reserves unless call centers started paying significantly more in the last few years-"

"-I support myself, thank you," Sirius said with a curled lip, his posh accent coming out strongly with his tipsyness.

Chris put down another finger with a sneer of his own, "So a trust-fund kid - really trustworthy sorts those. Definitely the kind you'd trust with a kid like Teddy. Definitely not going to end up disappointing him when he wants something meaningful in his life..."

"Look, what are you trying to prove?" Sirius asked, turning to face Chris fully, his back all the way up now. 

"That you are not the kind of person that someone like Remus sees as a forever person. Why would he? You're directionless. You're unstable. And you don't make him nearly as happy-"

"-as you do?" Sirius shot back, "that's right, I saw how you were fawning over him."

"And what did you do about it?" Chris asked with a superior smirk, not even denying it. "Run away?"

Sirius felt his stomach drop. He suddenly felt the bourbon go straight to his head as he swayed.

"Look at you," Chris sneered, "Remus is happy with us. He's going to realise sooner or later that you may be aesthetically hot, but there's no way you're the kind of partner he can build a future with."

With that Chris turned and left the outdoor seating area, leaving Sirius alone. 

Remus took a sip of his drink and looked around the bar hoping to catch a shock of glossy black hair or sinfully tight jeans. 

He had no idea where Sirius had gone, but he'd been away from the table for long enough that Remus was starting to get concerned. Just then, Chris came back from the loo and he leaned forward toward him. 

"Hey, did you see Sirius when you were in the bathroom?" he asked. Something flickered over Chris's face and Remus frowned. 

"I'm sure he'll be around," Chris said flippantly and Remus frown deepened at the vague answer. He missed Sirius at his side. It was ridiculous, really. He couldn't be within 10 meters of him and not want to literally live in his pocket. 

"What's his deal, anyway?" Chris asked.

"Huh?" Remus asked absently, still scanning the room.

"Well, why'd he flounce off like that. Does he think he's too good for us?" 

Remus head snapped back to look at Chris. The question was posed as a joke, but there was something in Chris's expression that told Remus he meant it. 

"He didn't flounce. I think he may have just gone out for some air, it's been a big day with meeting my parents and you lot."

"Oh, because we're all so fucking intimidating," Chris rolled his eyes, "if he's gonna be such a pussy about meeting your people-"

"He's not being a pussy, and I'm not sure I like your tone..." Remus protested, and Pete was distracted momentarily from his conversation with Em by his tone. 

"What's going on?" Em asked. Pete was looking between them anxiously.

Chris opened his mouth to speak but just then, Sirius reappeared, smiling far too brightly. 

"What did I miss?" He asked. Remus turned to him.

"Okay?" he asked when he sat, taking his hand under the table. Sirius pulled it away almost immediately.

"Yes, of course," Sirius replied.

Remus swallowed, trying not to look hurt. Sirius had never pulled away from him before. 

He decided to let it go and listened as Pete gave Sirius a run down on their conversation since he left. Sirius looked like he was listening but Remus knew better. His eyes were too large, his smile too plastic, his posture too still and straight. Something was definitely wrong, but Sirius didn't seem to want to talk about it now so he took his cue and rejoined the conversation. 

Well. He tried to. 

But Sirius was a marble statue. He responded to questions and laughed politely, but he was so totally still it was almost eerie. It was very distracting.

Finally, he turned to Remus and spoke. 

"If it's okay I'm gonna head back to your parents' house."

"Okay, I can call an Uber for us," Remus replied, but Sirius was already standing up. 

"That's okay I can go on my own. You stay. Catch up." He smiled, but it was really a wince. 

"Hey," Remus said, placing a hand on Sirius's shoulder, "I don't want to be here if you're not with me."

Sirius's marble mask crumbled momentarily. He nodded and Remus made to stand. 

"Hey, What? You're leaving?" Chris asked immediately, "You just got here!"

Remus fought a wave of irritation and decided it was good that they were leaving. Chris was getting on his tits. 

"It's been a delight, guys, but it's been a big day."

They all made their goodbyes and Sirius was perfectly civil, but once all was said and done he was out the door before Remus could even help him with his coat. He hurried after him with one arm shoved into a sleeve and the other pulling a beanie over his head. 

"Sirius! Baby!" he called after him when he'd shut the door to the pub behind him, following after him as they both dressed while they walked. 

Sirius stopped and waited for him. 

"Hey, what happened?" he asked as he caught up with him.

"Nothing," Sirius said shortly. 

"Well it's clearly not nothing, you've been quiet for the last forty minutes and you bolted from the pub like it's on fire. Did something happen? Did someone say something?"

"I don't have to get along with your friends, okay, Remus?" Sirius snapped and Remus reeled back like he'd been slapped. 

They stood in silence for a few moments while Remus searched fruitlessly for something; anything to say, until the Uber pulled up and they climbed in.

"Look," Sirius said quietly when they were seated, "I'm just tired. I'm sorry I spoiled the evening."

"You didn't, darling," he said, striving for calm as he tried to take Sirius's hand and had it snatched back yet again. "But why won't you look at me? Or let me touch you?"

"Can we not talk about this now, Remus?" Sirius asked in a low voice and Remus turned to the front of the car, feeling like he was rapidly losing his grip on the situation. 

He took a deep breath. He didn't understand. Something seemed to have happened in the time between Sirius had gone to get a second drink and then come back to the table. Or otherwise something had upset him in the conversation before he'd left. Either way, he was being tight-lipped about it. 

With a sickening gut twist, Remus suddenly wondered if he'd said something or done something. He didn't think he'd said anything hurtful or offensive, but then he often lost track of the conversation when he was with the old gang. Maybe Sirius wasn't a fan of who he'd seen Remus become when he was with his friends. The thought brought him to the brink of minor panic.

Their Uber ride passed in silence as Remus worried and Sirius stared resolutely out the window.

When they arrived back at his parents', the house was dark and he unlocked the door quietly, knowing that his parents went to bed early. 

They got ready for bed in silence and climbed into the bed awkwardly. 

"Sirius," he whispered when they were lying on their backs in the suddenly far too cozy little bed. 

"I just want to sleep, love."

Remus swallowed and nodded. Then he realised that Sirius couldn't see him. "Of course, sweetheart, but-"

"I don't want to talk now, Remus."

He bit his lip hard and sighed. 

Eventually they shifted into their normal sleeping positions and carefully didn't touch. 

Sirius fell asleep first like he always did and Remus listened as his breathing got deeper and heavier, still wondering what the fuck had happened. 

Chapter Text

The next morning Remus woke up wrapped in Sirius the way he always did when they slept over. He was plastered over Remus's chest with their legs tangled and his hair tickling his nose and Remus inhaled the familiar scent. 

He knew that Sirius draped over him in sleep was more an involuntary response at this point rather than a deliberate action, but he took comfort from it just the same. His eyes fluttered open and he found Sirius already awake, gazing at him sadly. 

"Hey," he said in a whisper. Remus took a breath and placed a careful hand on his cheek, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. He didn't pull away.

"Morning, love."

Sirius smiled. It was sad and small, but at least he was looking at Remus again. 

"I'm sorry about last night."

Remus moved more fully onto his side and Sirius snuggled closer.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" 

Sirius was quiet for a few beats as he thought and then sighed. "Not quite yet. I... um. I want to call Regulus. I might go for a walk?"

Remus stroked his arm comfortingly and nodded. 

"I'll spend some time with mum then. When you're ready you can come find me."

Sirius sighed again. "Okay," he said in the tiniest voice Remus had ever heard. And then he rolled over and got out of the bed, found a pair of jeans and a jumper - Remus's he noticed - and left the room, leaving Remus staring at the ceiling. 

He supposed it was at least better than it had been the night before but he still had no idea what was going on.

Although, when he ran the night through again after a night of sleep, it occurred to him that it probably had something to do with Chris. 

As much as he hated to admit that Tonks was right, Chris had openly flirted with Remus the whole evening. 

It had taken a sec for Remus to realise since it had been so close to their normal dynamic for so long before he had left, but he realised that Sirius had become more and more withdrawn as the night went on and Chris had become bolder with his advances without any protest from Remus. 

He groaned. He hadn't wanted to cause a scene and make Sirius uncomfortable. He had hoped that if he stayed relaxed and platonic that Sirius would know he wasn't encouraging it, and then they could talk about it when they got back later that night, but obviously that had been wishful thinking. It had probably come across like Remus wasn't bothered by the effect it had on Sirius.  

It had just been so nice to be with old friends. Not to be a dad, or to be serious Remus the insurance broker. He had just been Remus with a beautiful man on his arm who seemed able to get along with all his friends. Although, when he thought a little more, Chris had been pretty passive aggressive toward Sirius from the moment they had met - that look he'd given him when Sirius had said he was in the call center... Remus had known it wouldn't be endearing to Chris. It didn't matter that what Sirius had overcome to be where he was was pretty impressive. It didn't matter that Sirius wasn't content to stay in the call center. All Chris had ever seen was dollar signs. He was a snob, and he didn't think much of people on lower salary bands. He'd even tried to direct the conversation away and be a bit vague to spare him. Sirius didn't need any further ammunition for his anxieties that he wasn't good enough. And Chris could be so cutting when he wanted to be... 

He shook his head. There was no point thinking it into a coma. If the problem was that Sirius had noticed how friendly that Chris was being, then Remus would apologise and make every effort to make sure it didn't happen again. He knew he had to have a conversation with Chris regardless. It was unacceptable to flirt like that when the other party was literally there with someone else. Chris needed to respect the boundary otherwise their friendship would not be able to continue. It was just that simple. 

With that in mind Remus checked the time and got up. They had slept in and was already relatively late - almost 10 am. He pulled on a jumper and his track pants and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and then hurried downstairs to where he could hear his mother already in the kitchen. 

"Morning Cariad," she said with a smile, bringing down a mug for him.

"Morning ma."

"Sirius just popped outside, he seemed..."

"Yeah, I know. Last night did not go to plan..." he admitted with a sigh, "I think he was going to phone his brother."

"Everything alright?"

He took a moment, taking over making his coffee and she stood to the side crossing her arms as she looked at him with concern.

"I think it will be when he's ready to talk. I thought a little about what happened, and I think if I apologise it will go along way toward making things right."

"Did you do something wrong?"

He winced, "It's more an issue of what I didn't do, I think."

She nodded but didn't press. "Well, the first step is to to acknowledge that something needs to change. And if you could have done something differently, I'm sure you'll make those changes."

"Definitely," he said thoughtfully, looking over the countertop, an idea forming. "Hey, did you already have a plan for lunch?"

"I was going to ask if you guys had a preference."

"I think I have an idea actually," he nodded, "and I'd like to help if that's alright."

"Of course, love. What did you have in mind?"

Sirius dialed Reg's number almost as soon as he had slipped his coat and shoes on and greeted Hope on his way out of the back door. It only rang a few times before he picked up.

"I'm not in an opium den, if that's what this call is for."

Sirius snorted despite himself. "It wasn't, but it's good to hear anyway."

"Hello, by the way." 

"Hi, Reg." 

"What happened?"

"How do you know something happened?" 

"Because you're calling me instead of trying to have a quiet shag in what I imagine is a comically small bed given Remus's lanky limbs."

"I've never been so aware of how small a double really is," Sirius confirmed.

"Ew."

"No, not like that," Sirius sighed. 

"What happened?" Reg asked again.  

Sirius sighed. Reg waited for him to speak without interrupting the silence. He thought of the best way to start without sounding totally pathetic and swallowed.

"We met Remus's friends last night for a drink."

"Okay..."

"And one of his friends - his name is Chris-"

"I hate him already."

Sirius snorted. "I'm not his biggest fan either..."

"Personality clash?"

"You could call it that. He's head over heels for Remus and wasn't shy about it."

"Oh fuck right off with that."

"Yeah, and I didn't want to cause a scene-"

"Why not? he sounds like a twat."

Sirius actually laughed then and was grateful as anything for his bratty little brother.

"Yeah, well, I went outside for a breather."

"That sounds far too mature for my tastes."

"Yeah, well, apparently for Chris too, because he followed me out to tell me just how much of a disappointment I would be as Remus's long term mate."

"Firstly, ew."

"Not the word he used, but the sentiment is the same."

"Secondly. Doubly a twat. Who the fuck says something like that to someone they've never met before?"

"I mean, I tried to give it back-"

"I should hope so."

"-But I was 3 bourbon's deep."

"Oh, fuck."

"Indeed," Sirius said wryly. "Seems like it just proved his point that I'm unstable and not a reliable partner for Remus or potential step parent for Teddy."

"And what did Remus say when you brought it up?" 

"Erm... I may have pulled an Orion."

"Oh shit. Marble statue? Plastic, hostile smile?"

"Bingo."

"Well how is he supposed to apologise if you don't tell him what happened?"

"But what if he's right, Reggie?"

"He's not. But what point are you referring to?" 

"All of it? I mean I'm almost thirty and I'm going to study next year. I work at a call center. I have like nothing going for me."

Reg sighed and Sirius pictured him rolling his eyes. 

"Sirius, not everyone had the benefit of a supportive base to get them started. We certainly didn't. It's not fair to compare your progress to someone else's when you've had to start from scratch repeatedly. What matters is that you don't stop."

"Yeah? Remus said something similar a few weeks ago."

"Then you know that he loves you regardless of your career and your late start. He loves you because of your perseverance. And let's be real, your chaos is at least half of your appeal. Your hair is like thirty percent and the rest is only like twenty..."

"Are you saying I'm a trophy boyfriend?" he asked wryly.

"I mean if the shoe fits..." he said with a snort, "but genuinely, Sirius. If it wasn't for you and your reliability I'd be back with the Blacks, under Walberga's stiletto heel, gasping for breath and trying desperately not to relapse. You've given me a stable place to find my feet. One where I get some say in my own future. Chris doesn't know shit, and you know it."

Sirius swallowed a lump of emotion and nodded.

"Are you going to go find him? And talk to him?" 

"Yeah" Sirius said, feeling much better now. "I might just take a sec and then I will. I'll let you get back to whatever very important thing you were up to before I started bugging you, though."

"Mmm, yes, Love Island isn't going to watch itself."

Sirius snorted, "Thanks Reggie. I really appreciate the chat."

"Anytime Siri, just remember you're worth more than four Chris's put together. Irritating prick. I hope he gets the runs."

"Regulus!" Sirius laughed. 

"Let me know when you get to the cabin tomorrow, yeah?" 

"Of course, Reg. Tell James and Lil I say hi."

"Fuck you."

"Love you too!"

He hung up and felt an actual, genuine smile on his face for the first time that day. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Just then he heard someone approaching.

"Morning!" 

Sirius jumped and turned toward Lyall, striding from the back porch to the garage.

"Hi, Mr. Lupin - good morning?" 

"So far, so good, what about you?"

Sirius made a non-committal head tilt and stayed quiet. 

"You should come see what I'm working on in the garage," he jerked his head the way he was going and Sirius figured that since he wasn't ready to talk to Remus yet he may as well. 

"Sure," he said, following behind the lanky man who looked so much like Remus from behind it was almost disconcerting.

It was a typical garage, littered with tools and junk with an old but immaculately kept car standing with its hood open and an open tool box laid next to it. When Lyall entered ahead of him, he retrieved a wrench from his pocket and resumed whatever it was he had presumably been doing before he'd found Sirius in the yard.

“Remus tells me that you’re thinking of studying in the new year,” Lyall said out of the blue, and Sirius looked from the engine Lyall was armpit deep into to see brown eyes looking at him as he reached.

“Aaah, yes,” he said, “I have an appointment in the new year to talk to a course adviser.”

Lyall nodded thoughtfully, turning back to the engine. “And what are you interested in?”

Sirius gave a little sigh, “honestly, everything…”

Lyall snorted in amusement and they exchanged a look.

“I get that,” he gave, “with all the possibilities in the world to try; it’s like you can do anything but you can’t do everything, right?”

“Exactly,” Sirius chuckled.

“Well,” Lyall replied with a thoroughly unsettling Remus-esque smirk, “Given that you could do anything you set your mind to – what can you see yourself doing?”

Sirius thought about that.

“I want to do something practical. I love to cook, and I like that it’s something that uses my hands, but I also have to know the ins and outs, you know? There’s an element of understanding involved – the working parts are just as important as the steps you take to make them work…”

“So will you take a cooking course?”

“Nah,” he said with a smile. “I like to cook for my friends and family, and I want to keep it a labor of love, you know?”

Lyall smiled knowingly. “Well if cooking isn’t the way you want to go…”

“I’m open to suggestions, Mr. Lupin…”

“Call me Lyall, please.”

“Lyall, then. Any input is welcome. Please.”

“Well automotive engineering is a bit like that. It’s practical – you know? But you also have to understand the way the car works together to be able to diagnose issues and locate the problem.”

He beckoned Sirius over and pointed out something in the engine.

“Think about the engine like a cake. You know the way the batter will interact if you have too little baking soda or eggs, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, with a car, the equivalent is like; the kind of oil it takes or how many liters. The type of fuel you put in at the gas station and the make and size of the brake pads. The only difference is that when you take the cake out the oven you can eat it, and with a car when it’s fixed it gets you from A to B without blowing you up.”

“A cake is never quite so high stakes,” Sirius replied nodding thoughtfully. Lyall laughed.

“It’s food for thought though,” he said with a twinkle at his pun.

“D’you think it would be ridiculous to study how to fix cars if I can’t even drive, though?”

Lyall looked at him in surprise but there was no hint of derogatory sentiment in his expression when he replied.

“I suppose it’s not so important in London?” he asked.

“Nah, I just never learned.”

At a Lyall’s continued silence he felt compelled to keep going.

“I erm… I left home before anyone could teach me.”

“Hope mentioned you weren’t on good terms with your family…”

Sirius smiled without humor, “that’s putting it politely.”

“What’s the impolite version?”

“They disowned me. For being gay. Nearly killed me for good measure.”

When he looked back Lyall had reeled back like he’d been struck. Sirius winced.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it,” he muttered.

“Son,” Lyall said, striding over and clapping him on the back suddenly, “you never have to apologise for the truth. No matter how messy. It’s the messy shit that’s real. And you’re realer than most. I don’t hold with any fakeness in my house.”

Sirius swallowed heavily, touched by this gruff Welshman, who’d just accepted him, mess and all.

“Remus hasn’t taught you yet, then?”

It took Sirius a second to realise that they were back on the subject of driving.

“Er, no. He said he’d teach me when we got back.”

“Why do I get the impression you doubt his word?”

“It’s not that. His word is impeccable. But we had a bit of a fight, I guess? Last night after I met the gang…”

“Ah. You met the gang which means you met Chris, didn’t you.” He was looking at Sirius shrewdly, reading him as easily as Remus might.

It wasn’t a question, and Sirius looked up into a knowing expression.

“How is it that everyone seemed to know that Chris was in love with Remus, except Remus?”

Lyall’s expression softened.

“I think on some level he always knew Chris was interested. But my son doesn’t concern himself with things that aren’t his business.”

Sirius frowned in confusion and Lyall continued.

“He was never interested in Chris-”

“-Chris seemed to think otherwise.”

“I think I know my son better than Chris does.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Fair play…”

“Thank you,” Lyall smirked and rolled his eyes. “The point is that nothing ever happened there because Remus never wanted anything to. Lupin's – when they want something, they go and get it – and Remus never felt far enough one way or the other about him to do anything about it.”

Sirius blinked. He thought of every flirtatious conversation he had with Remus before they got together. And he thought of how he’d invited Sirius to stay with him that first weekend, and how he’d claimed Sirius in front of their whole workplace at the Christmas party. Remus had always been as clear as he could be. As soon as they were on the same page, Remus had spelled everything out as plainly as possible for Sirius, bypassing every anxiety and external drama so that he’d always know what his priority was in that moment, and nine times out of ten it had been Sirius. Lyall was right. Every opportunity Remus had, he chose Sirius. Loudly, and with gusto. With the exception of last night, and in Remus's defense, Sirius hadn't exactly given him opportunity.

“But,” Sirius began, voicing his one last concern, “they have so much history. It feels like Chris has a part of Remus that I’ll never have. What if Chris is the better match?”

“Son,” Lyall said for the second time, coming to stand by Sirius against the wall, “Remus and Chris might have history, but Remus looks at you like you’re his whole goddammed future.”

Sirius’s heart stuttered to a stop and he looked at Lyall in surprise. He seemed to read his disbelief because he went on.

“He’s not hard to read. When you come into a room he’s already in it’s like he goes from being on standby to awake. He gravitates to you like a magnet to metal. You make him laugh and smile more than anyone I’ve ever met, and if all that wasn’t enough, I caught him looking through his mother’s trinket box where she keeps the old family heirlooms - looking through the rings while you were in the shower yesterday.”

Sirius’s mouth dropped open and Lyall laughed.

“Don’t panic, and for God’s sake don’t tell him I told you. He probably doesn’t mean to do anything with it for a while yet, but he’ll be thinking about it already. He’s like me that way. I only told you so you know he's as serious about you as you can get.”

Sirius found himself flushed and absurdly… maybe a little disappointed that Remus didn't plan to "do anything with it for a while yet".

He realized with a start that the idea of being married to Remus seemed wonderful. Like part of the natural progression to their relationship. And suddenly he knew that if Remus asked him tomorrow, he’d say yes. Without reservation.

Timelines and ‘too-early’s’ and ‘not ready’s’ be damned.

But that was why in their relationship there was a Sirius and there was a Remus. Because Remus loved Sirius enough not to put him into a position where he’d say yes to something they might not be ready for. Sirius knew he’d make anything work for Remus. He’d move in with him today if he asked. If Remus walked through the door and said, “babe, I want to move back to Wales,” Sirius would start booking moving companies and call Reg to ask if he wanted to stay in Scotland or move with him. But Remus was the steadying force in their relationship. He was the one to ask before he bought a flat in Sirius’s complex, and give him space when he threw a tantrum at a reunion with his friends. Not because he wanted to move any slower, but because he knew that there was all the time in the world, and that meant taking your time. He breathed out shakily.

“I won’t say anything,” he finally replied huskily, “that should be his decision. When he’s ready.”

“Good lad,” Lyall slapped him on the shoulder again, “shall we go in for tea? Remus will be in with his mum.”  

Sirius straightened from where he’d slumped against the wall in shock.

“I’m not sure he wants to see me yet. I wasn't at my best…” He said, uncertainly.

Lyall snorted. “Please, if the fight was about Chris then he’d be giving you space because he feels like he’s in the wrong. He’ll be over the moon to see you.”

He followed Lyall out of the garage and out into the bitter cold, taking the gravel pathway to the back door. He caught the little sign that said “back-door guests are best” that had made him and Remus dissolve into delirious, immature puddles of giggles just yesterday when they'd left for the pub, and allowed himself a hopeful smile as Lyall opened the door.

Remus stood with his back to the door by the countertop next to Hope, speaking quietly as they arranged something on the surface that Sirius couldn’t see. At the sound of the opening door, they both turned to see Sirius and Lyall enter, and Sirius only narrowly prevented himself from hurdling the kitchen table and clearing the space to Remus at the look of slightly sad, uncertainty that flickered over his face when they locked eyes. He gave him a slight quirk of his lips instead, and watched relief flood his handsome face when he saw that Sirius had warmed up a little.

“What’s cooking, love?” Lyall asked, making the short trip to the counter and looping his arm around Hope's shoulders before dropping a kiss to her copper locks.

“Remus wanted to make Shepherd’s pie for lunch,” she replied easily and Lyall groaned appreciatively.

Sirius shot a curious look at Remus at that information and watched him blush and look away. Oh.

He finally unrooted himself from the entry and made his way to Remus who watched his every step like he was both a threat and a promise. He stepped aside so Sirius could see the casserole dish piped with mashed potato and the bowl of egg to the side for brushing.

“I – uh,” Remus started, stammering a little. “I thought that you’re always the one cooking for me, so I wanted to return the favor…”

Sirius looked up at him, taking in the nervous biting of his lips and the anxious set of his brow. He smiled.

“It looks amazing, love.”

Remus stepped closer and looked over Sirius’s head at his parents before looking back down at him.

“Can we talk?”

Sirius nodded and Remus wiped his hands quickly before taking Sirius’s hand and pulling him out of the kitchen towards the stairwell. They climbed them quickly and headed to Remus’s room where he shut the door behind them firmly.

“Sirius I-”

“Remus, I’m so sorry-”

They both stopped, having started talking at the same time. Sirius gestured for Remus to go first.

“I should have said something,” he said without preamble, “I didn’t realise that Chris still had a thing for me. Tonks said something before we left and I was taken off guard, and I didn’t want to make you more anxious than you already were so I thought I’d say something if it turned out to be a problem, but then everything got so out of hand so quickly…”

“You can say that again,” Sirius huffed.

“Exactly, but I never should have put you in a position where you could have been sidelined like that.”

“Babe,” Sirius said biting his lip, “It’s not necessarily just that you didn’t tell me. What you said there makes sense. I can understand that you didn’t want to upset me over a rumor you heard from Tonks, but the whole evening was just-” He broke off, biting his lip hard.

“What happened when you were away from the table?"

"I went outside for a breather... Chris followed me out.”

“He said he was going to the loo…”

“Well, he lied. He followed me out.”

“Okay.”

“And… I don’t know,” he flapped a hand in frustration, struggling to get the words out, “He was asking me about my plans for the future, and when I told him, he made this shitty comment about how you had so much of your life together and how unstable I was, and how I was like just something fun while you transitioned into the rest of your life when you’d realise you wanted an adult.”

Remus had been listening intently, an open and vulnerable expression on his face until Sirius said the last bit, then his expression went blank, only to be replaced by something Sirius had never seen before. Fury.

“He said what?”

Sirius swallowed, relieved to see that Remus was having such a strong response.

“I got the impression he thought that when you were ready to do life properly you were going to return to Wales and come find him. And I was just holding you back and taking advantage in the meantime.”

Remus stood and cleared the distance to him in a moment.

“It’s not true, Sirius. You have to know that’s horseshit, right?”

Sirius swallowed and looked over Remus’s face, and when he saw nothing but sincere heartache and anger (not directed at him) he relaxed.

“I’m getting there... Your dad helped.”

“Da?”

“Yeah, he said that if you wanted Chris, you would have had him years ago.”

“He’s right. We may have flirted when we were younger, but it never amounted to anything more. It was more that we were the only gay kids in our group and neither of us were ready to come out and it was fun to have something that we couldn’t have with anyone else. But we were never an item. I never slept with him. And I don’t want him. I want you.”

Sirius let the words sink in for a second, letting Remus take his hands and kiss his knuckles.

“And then,” Sirius went on, “we came back to the table, and every inside joke felt like confirmation that I was intruding on the life you were supposed to have...”

“Of course, it felt that way,” Remus said sympathetically, “and I didn’t know what had happened, and you were being so abnormally quiet so I thought you just didn’t like this side of me…”

“Oh, god, Remus, that’s not at all what I thought – I thought I was watching you settle into a version of yourself that you couldn’t normally be with me! I thought I was seeing proof of what Chris had said! That eventually you would get tired of being someone you weren’t and ditch me and-”

“-Hey, hey… Listen to me for a sec” Remus had brought his hand up to Sirius’s cheek and he leaned into it, willing himself not to cry as he let Remus explain himself.

“I was a different person when I was down here, okay? I was younger and had fewer responsibilities, and maybe for a little while there it was nice to remember who I was before I had a kid and a full time job and a co-parent to take into consideration, yeah?”

Sirius nodded because, yeah that made sense. Remus nodded and went on.

“But this isn’t my real life. These people here, they knew a version of me that doesn’t exist anymore because I’ve grown up. And it doesn’t look like what they expected, and so people like Chris feel like I’m not on fucking standby for them anymore. I’m a different person. Because I got Tonks pregnant. And because I got into a motorcycle accident and got really, seriously hurt. Because I have Teddy and he changed my life permanently for the better. And because I met you, and you’re – without a doubt – the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I’m not settling for anything in my life. I’ve adjusted, sure. But I didn’t make any decision lightly. The life we lead together is one I chose because it’s better than the one I had before. Fuller and richer.”

Sirius reached his hands up and covered Remus’s with his. He closed his eyes.

“He said I was just going to disappoint you…”

“I am prouder of you than I am of just about anything. Other than Teddy – but that’s a different kind of pride,” Remus smiled as Sirius hiccupped a laugh.

“Do you know,” he said lowering his head to Sirius’s and leaning their foreheads together, “how fucking on top of the world I felt when we arrived at the pub, and it was you on my arm?

“Yeah?”

“Do you know how satisfying it was to hear you talking to my mum about your cooking course at dinner last night and hearing you guys get along like you’d always been here?”

“She’s incredible, I love her already,” Sirius breathed, letting the last vestiges of tension bleed out of him.

“And to have my dad, bantering with you like he does with no-one, by the way. He doesn’t do that with anyone. Other than me. It makes me fall deeper in love with you each time I see you in the spaces I used to inhabit.”

“I’m sorry I froze you out.”

“I’m sorry you felt like I didn't care that you were upset.”

“I really do love your family. And your friends – it’s not their fault Chris is a prick – they’re great honestly…”

“Chris is a prick, and I really have no interest in interacting with him again.”

“I want to be the boyfriend that says ‘no, you shouldn’t let a friendship go for me’, but honestly, if he’s going to behave that way then I support you never seeing him ever again…”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Thank God.”

And he did, and Sirius felt himself melt into it like he was an ice cube and Remus was the sun, turning him to liquid. He kissed him back with relief so palpable it was a physical high and he clung to him with everything he had.

Remus's hands cradled his face tenderly and Sirius fisted his hands in his jumper, pulling him closer, but he felt restricted by the coat he was still wearing. He decided he could do something about that and shrugged off the jacket before sliding his hands under Remus's jumper, feeling the warm planes of his torso. 

Remus seemed to decide that the jacket was a great place to start and began to tug at the over-large jumper Sirius was wearing and he raised his arms so that he could remove it and fling it away as he walked Sirius back to the still unmade bed they'd shared awkwardly the night before. When his legs hit the edge of the bed his legs buckled and he allowed himself to fall back, causing the bed to creak ever-so-slightly. 

He laughed, "whoops."

"So much for being quiet," Remus agreed crawling over Sirius as he shuffled up to lie fully on the mattress and dipping his head to kiss his neck. 

And then there was a polite knock on the door.

"What?" Remus asked in a muffled voice, not bothering to stop sucking on Sirius's pulse point while he bit his lip to stop from moaning. 

“Boys…”

“Ma, I’ll be down in a minute,” Remus said, disconnecting his lips from Sirius’s throat.

“I know you and Sirius are talking, love, but Peter has come to see you.”

“Pete’s here?” Remus asked, His hair springing into a hundred different directions as he sat up, looking uncertain.

“He says it’s important, sorry.”

Remus sighed and looked down at Sirius’s heaving, half naked body regretfully.

“I’m not going anywhere, babe,” Sirius said soothingly. “Go talk to Peter and I’ll be here when you’re done.”

As Remus left, Sirius flopped back onto his bed, breathing out a gust of relief. He looked around the space and thought about how he’d pictured last night going - ending in a glorious victory shag after he was a tremendous success with the friends - versus how it had actually gone - awkwardly facing away from the love of his life as he wrestled with his inadequacies - and found himself just so happy that they’d finally got to this point. Make up sex was arguably just as good as victory lap sex.

There was another knock on the door.

“Sirius, baby?”

“Remus?” he called out questioningly, wondering why he didn’t just come in.

“Um, Pete wants to talk to you too apparently.”

“Oh…” Sirius looked around for Remus’s jumper, “Okay, I’ll be there in a sec.”

He stumbled out of the room, pulling his hair out of the neck of the jumper and meeting Remus at the door, taking the offered hand and being led down the stairs.

Pete was waiting in the living room, looking nervous, tapping his fingers on his jeans as he shuffled his feet anxiously.

When he saw Remus and Sirius enter he drew himself up to his full height and turned to Sirius.

“I just want you to know that Chris told us what he said, and I think it’s total nonsense.”

They both stopped in their tracks in surprise. Sirius blinked.

“He sat there bragging after you guys left; said that he’d had the measure of you, Sirius, and that it was just a matter of time before Rem came back to his senses.”

“He said that to everyone?” Remus asked, that furious, hard tone returning.

“Yup.” Peter gave with a pop on the ‘p’. “Made me really uncomfortable and so I left, but I just needed to tell you guys that I see how happy you guys are and I’m not with him on this. He had no right to say what he said.”

Sirius felt Remus’s arm come around him protectively and was grateful for the stability.

“Thanks Pete,” Remus gave in a slightly clipped tone, “but can I ask if you said this to him? Last night? When the damage was done?”

Pete visibly swallowed. “I didn’t,” he admitted. “But I texted him today before I came. I couldn’t sleep last night, felt terrible that we’d all made Sirius feel unwelcome by not calling out his behavior, and so I texted him and told him he was out of line, and now I’m here. You deserve more of my time than he does.”

Sirius felt Remus soften at his side and squeezed him around the middle. Remus looked at him questioningly and Sirius smiled.

“Do you want to stay for coffee Pete?”

***

Remus watched as Sirius moved around the cabin kitchen with an ease and familiarity that he had no right to given that they had only arrived a few hours ago. Trust Reg to get them a cabin with a full kitchen rather than just a studio kitchen.

He's just put a chicken into the oven to roast and had just moved on to making dessert. He was doing something with a spatula and batter that seemed like it shouldn't be particularly hot, and yet...

His rolled up sleeves exposed his arms in a way that should be frankly illegal. His forearms were straining and vascular, his one hand gripping the spatula and the other cradling the glass bowl. His long hair was pulled out of his face in a messy bun and there were stands falling out about his face as he focused intently.

"What are you doing?"

He looked over at Remus and smiled. 

"I am folding the cake batter..."

Remus leaned against the countertop, maintaining the eye contact as Sirius's 'folding' slowed under his gaze. 

"And what kind of cake is it?" 

Sirius blushed, "Apple and cinnamon. With caramel sauce."

"Hmmm, yum..."

He looked away to tip the batter into the pre-greased tin. 

"And why do you 'fold' the batter?" 

Sirius bit his cheek. "Because it mixes the batter without compromising the aeration in the mixture. Helps it rise."

"Is that so?" Remus asked leaning his chin on his hands. 

"And what kind of apples did you use?"

"Granny Smith."

"Any reason?" 

"I like that they're a bit tart to combat the sweetness of the caramel."

"You're sweet."

"And you're a tart," Sirius threw over his shoulder with a smirk and a wink.

"And what's the occasion for this creation?" 

Sirius placed the cake into the oven and turned toward Remus with a fond expression and a bitten lip as he crossed his arms, playfully. 

"Well it's New Year..."

"Is it?" Remus pretended to gasp.

"And it's our first time away together..."

"Gosh, how could I forget?"

Sirius laughed and pushed off the bench to rest on the kitchen island across from him, mirroring his position with his chin on his hand. 

"And we had our first big fight."

"And we survived it," Remus said with a soft smile that he also imitated. 

They stared love into each other's eyes for a few moments until Sirius spoke. 

"You were undressing me with your eyes while I was cooking," he said shyly. 

"If I had my way I'd be actually undressing you."

Sirius blushed. 

"How is it that you still blush when I flirt with you?"

Sirius bit his lip and thought. 

"You just make me feel I'm so full of love I could burst. And it takes me surprise every time I remember that it's reciprocated. It's the most amazing thing to feel so much, to want to give so much, and have it come back to you in droves before you even have the chance to feel empty."

Remus covered his mouth with the hand his chin was rested on, overwhelmed. 

"Plus you're so fucking cute I could scream."

Remus burst out into laughter at that and Sirius looked at him so softly he thought he might just die.

"You wanna test my caramel for me?" 

"Go on then," Remus grinned, sitting up expectantly. 

Sirius went to the stove and picked up a cooling pot of caramel he'd seen him make earlier. He selected a spoon and rounded the island to stand between Remus's legs. He scooped a small serving of the caramel onto a spoon and held it out for Remus who dipped his head down to taste the gooey sweetness off the bowl. 

"Hmmm," he groaned in appreciation as Sirius took the spoon back, sucking the remaining caramel from the silverware as he smiled at Remus's reaction. 

"Can I get some more?" 

Sirius tapped the spoon on the pot a few times thoughtfully before he set the spoon aside, and dipped his finger straight into the warm caramel before holding it out to Remus with his eyebrow raised in challenge. Remus grinned and took the proffered digit in his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue around the digit, tasting the saltiness of Sirius's skin in addition to the sweetness, shutting his eyes in rapture. 

He moaned as he felt the warmth of the caramel being drizzled onto his neck with Sirius's spoon and shivered as Sirius's mouth followed the trail with his tongue, latching onto Remus's neck when he'd lapped up the caramel and sucking. Remus brought his hands to Sirius's hips as he pressed open mouthed kisses up to Remus's jaw, nuzzling and kissing as Remus's hands rucked up his shirt, stroking the softness of his torso. Sirius's finger was still buried in Remus's mouth and he sucked wantonly, making Sirius whimper.

"Got a bit on your shirt, baby," Sirius purred, removing his finger from Remus's tongue.

"Better take it off, then," he replied. 

Sirius chuckled and worked his t-shirt up and off as he raised his arms to help, and then immediately accepting Sirius back into his arms as he mouthed over his chest and shoulders. 

"Your turn," he murmured, tugging at Sirius's shirt until he allowed Remus to divest him of it. Then Remus stood and backed him against the counter, picking up the caramel again and drizzling it down over Sirius's chest and stomach. 

"What a shame," he said, working his way down Sirius's torso until he had to get to his knees to lick and suck at his lower abdomen just above the waist of his jeans. "You'll have to make more..."

Sirius had no response other than to whimper as Remus continued to mouth down over him as he peeled the jeans off and his cock sprung free, pink and shiny tipped. 

"God we're gonna be so sticky after this," Sirius commented as he watched Remus pick up the spoon again and dribble caramel down, over his hard length, shivering. 

Remus smiled and set the caramel aside. 

"We'll take a shower," he shrugged. 

"Well when you put it like that," Sirius responded before cutting off abruptly as Remus licked a strip up the underside of his length and around, sucking and kissing off the caramel as he went. 

"I think this is the hottest thing we've ever done," he panted when Remus finally swallowed him down, thoroughly sucking and swirling his tongue over his tip, his hand cupping his balls. Remus could only groan in agreement as his free hand palmed himself through his own jeans. 

"Take it out," Sirius urged. "I want to see you touch yourself."

Remus didn't need to be told twice. He fumbled with his flies as he continued to slurp around Sirius's length, an idea coming to him. When his aching cock was free he released the suction on Sirius with a pop and looked up at the man gaping adoration down at him. 

"Fuck my throat."

Sirius's heavy lidded eyes widened. "Are you sure, babe?" 

Remus nodded. "If it gets too much I'll stop you, but I literally can't think of anything hotter right now."

Sirius took a sec. Then he nodded. "tap my hip if you want me to stop, okay? The second it's too much..."

"It won't be, but it's noted."

And with that Remus dove back over him, taking his cock to the back his throat and making Sirius grunt at the sensation. He carefully began to rock his hips forward and Remus pressed him on with one hand on his arse and the other pumping over his own length as he got off as well. 

"Fuck Remus your mouth feels so fucking good," he whined, gaining confidence and knotting his hands in Remus's curls for an anchoring point. "I could just live there. So fucking hot, the way you just take it..."

Remus hummed to show he was enjoying himself too, and he was. The weight of Sirius on his tongue, the burn of his throat, the pull at the roots of his hair as Sirius began to thrust in earnest.

"...You on your knees before me," Sirius's stream of filth was continuing, and Remus strained to hear every word, "kneeling for me like I'm a god... Bet I'd feel like a god inside you..."

Remus felt the desire pooling in his belly, tightening and building at the thought of Sirius fucking him. They'd never done it that way before; with both of them enjoying their current dynamic, but a change was as good as a break, and after all, they were on holiday...

Sirius came without warning and Remus sat very still as Sirius held him in place as he emptied himself into Remus's mouth. He kept his jaw relaxed and his breathing shallow until Sirius's grip slackened and he pulled out carefully, falling to his knees in front of Remus and stroking his face, his neck, his hair, checking for signs he'd gone too far. 

"Are you-"

"I'm fine, baby," Remus assured with a slightly raspy voice as Sirius replaced his hands with his own around Remus's length. 

"Let me help," he whispered, moving in to kiss Remus as he stroked him to completion, Remus's come coating his hand when he came with a cry and Sirius holding him close.

They sat there for a while, breathing deeply, until the timer on the oven went off. 

"Fuck," Sirius swore, "That's the cake..." He got up and hurried to the oven after kicking off the puddled pants around his ankles. "I'll pop it out to cool and then maybe a shower?"

"Sounds like an excellent idea." Remus groaned, getting to his feet with clicking knees. "I'll go get it started?"

"Thanks, babe," Sirius said, absurdly sporting two oven gloves even as he stood stalk bollocksing naked otherwise by the oven.

He hurried to the bathroom and turned on the shower before stripping off his pants and stepping under the spray.

It didn't take long for Sirius to join him.

He felt the arms come around his middle first and the mouth on his shoulder blades second.

"Hmmmm," he hummed, leaning back into the embrace and exposing his neck back for Sirius to continue his journey from his shoulder and up his neck.

"Baby..." he said, feeling Sirius plastered against his back and thinking this was a safe a place as any to ask.

"Yes my love?"

"I know it's not what we usually do..." he shivered when Sirius began to harden against his back. He swallowed.

"What do you want babe?" Sirius asked low and smooth in his ear, his arms unwrapping to stroked down his sides under the water.

"Can y- do... do you want to fuck me?" Sirius froze behind him and Remus held his breath, suddenly worried that Sirius wouldn't want to switch it up. Worried that he'd somehow think less of Remus. Then he felt his forehead pressed to his shoulder and turned in his arms to see his expression. 

"You don't have to," he reassured, "You know our current thing works for me."

Sirius was looking over his expression avidly, like he was reading a sacred tome. 

"I didn't know that was something you wanted," he replied, "but I'd like to very much."

Remus breathed out in relief and dropped his head into Sirius's shoulder. He felt Sirius's arms come around him.

"Did you really think I'd say no?" 

"Maybe?" Remus said, "it's more that I want you to enjoy it-"

"I can guarantee I will."

Remus snorted. "I don't know - it's just a change, you know?"

Sirius kissed his temple. "What brought on that thought?"

Remus shrugged, "You fucking my face. Only thing I wanted more was-"

"Me inside you? Feeling like a god?"

Remus sniggered and felt Sirius join him. "I never know if you know what you're saying when we fuck and that filth spews from your mouth."

"First few times I was self conscious about it. But then I noticed it just spurs you on."

"Gives a man ideas, it does..."

"You really want it? Me fucking you?" 

"Just for tonight, maybe?" Remus picked his head up to see him. "I like what we do usually. This just feels like something special."

Sirius smirked. "Your arse is a special occasion..."

"I was going to say your cock is," Remus dipped his head down and kissed him, enjoying Sirius's hum of happiness as he did. 

"Lets get clean, and then I need to rescue the chicken, then we can revisit this in bed?"

"Can we also eat the chicken?" Remus asked flirtatiously, "I'm starving."

"Well we can't have that," he laughed in response, reaching for their travel toiletries and squeezing body wash into his hands before lathering it over Remus's torso. 

He helped Sirius stack the plates and load the dishwasher after a thoroughly excellent meal.

Sirius's phone vibrated and he momentarily removed it from his back pocket to check it. 

"Oh my gosh," he looked up at Remus with a gape grin. 

"What?"

Sirius came to his side and showed him the text from James; a photo of Reg looking quizzically at a piece of fried chicken, sat next to a thoroughly amused Lily.

"Has he never had fried chicken before?"

"I don't think so," Sirius laughed.

"Looks like the Potters are making sure he has company for the new year," Remus commented with a wryly raised brow. Sirius returned it.

"Have you guys talked about it?" 

Sirius shrugged, "I just told him that they should talk before anything happened. The rest is none of my business."

"Lily will make sure that there's a conversation, I'd wager."

Sirius snorted. "I have no doubt." He put his phone away and leaned against the counter, watching as Remus rinsed the rest of the dishes before stacking them to deal with later. 

"Whose undressing who with their eyes now?" Remus asked after a few minutes of rinsing under heavy lidded scrutiny. 

"I'm just picturing you underneath me," Sirius said stepping closer, "Sweaty and beautiful as I take you to pieces..."

Remus shot him a surprised look. His mouth went dry at the sudden assertiveness that seemed to ooze from his every pore. Sirius stepped behind him and ran his hands over his sweatpants and up his naked torso - neither of them had bothered with a shirt. 

"You're so fucking stunning," he growled, placing a careful kiss between his shoulder blades, "and you take such good care of me all the time," his fingers came up to play with his nipples, "I can't wait to take care of you," He pinched them between his finger and thumb and Remus's knees threatened to buckle. 

"Feel you all around me," he licked up from where he'd placed that kiss all the way up to the nape of his neck. "Writhing under me, as I fill you up, and fuck you so good you can't remember your name."

"Jesus fuck Sirius, where did this come from?" Remus groaned. 

"How do you want it, baby?" he persisted. "Slow and sweet or fast and hard?"

"Fuck, when you talk like that I can't think."

Sirius chuckled darkly, "That's alright," he kissed his shoulder, "we'll just feel our way along, then huh?"

In illustration he brought his hand around to cup Remus over his sweats. 

"Do you want me from behind or on my back?" he asked, not even embarrassed to hear his own voice breathy and desperate.

"Now that's a question," Sirius said in a humming, piqued tone. "Your back was fashioned by God just for me to watch the sweat pool in that hollow of above your arse."

Remus felt his stomach clench in want as Sirius palmed him, dragging his lips over the skin of his shoulder. "It would be an honour to take you from behind... But then there's your chest and your neck..."

Remus whimpered when Sirius slipped his hand down the front of his sweats. He'd never been so happy not to have bothered with underwear.

"But honestly, I think the main thing?"

"Yeah?" Remus moaned, literal putty in his hands and hanging on every word leaving his mouth.

"I wanna see your face when I make you come."

"Sirius," Remus moaned, "You either need to hurry up and get to that bedroom, or I'm gonna drop to the kitchen floor and you can fuck me here..."

Sirius withdrew his hand and and yanked him by the hand toward the room.

"As much as that sounds fucking hot, the first time I'm inside you it's gonna be with a bed under us."

They tumbled through the cabin, laughing and kissing, until they finally fell onto the cabin bed. 

It was a luxury cabin and Regulus had spared no expense. They had lit the wood fire in the grate a few hours back and the room was warm and cozy. The bed was laid with soft cotton sheets and a faux fur throw. There was a giant hand knotted rug between the bed and the fire place with two giant leather arm chairs in front of it. 

Remus lay under Sirius, and his vision narrowed to the beautiful man kneeling over him. His black hair cascaded down his neck over his collar bones as he settled between Remus's legs, bracketing his head with his arms as the kissed, languidly and unhurried. His hands moved down his neck and over his chest reverently and Remus's hand s settled on his hips bringing him closer and Sirius rolled his hips. Remus gasped. 

"Have you-"

"Yes, but a long time ago," Remus said. Sirius nodded and smirked. 

"I'll be gentle, baby."

He leaned back onto his heels and worked Remus's sweats off, which he helpfully kicked off. Sirius spent a few moments looking over him, biting his lips. He shook his head. 

"What?" Remus asked, feeling unutterably shy all of a sudden.

"We've slept together more times than I can count, but right now I feel like it's the first time all over again."

Remus felt himself melt into a puddle, and Sirius stroked his thighs. 

"Tell me what you like baby."

Remus felt himself blushing from the tips of his ears over his chest, absurdly not knowing what to say. He laughed a little deliriously. 

"Um, I uh..."

"Tell me, sweetheart."

"I want you close," Remus said finally. 

"Okay," Sirius smiled encouragingly. 

"I want it soft."

"Yeah? Okay..."

"And I want you to come inside me."

Sirius shuddered in want but nodded, biting his lower lip. 

"I can do that my darling." He leaned over and fetched the lube from the bedside. "It's just as well I packed the massage oil lube."

"You did?" Remus grinned as Sirius poured a generous amount of lube into his hands and rubbed them together. He spread it over Remus's chest and belly. When his hands made their way up to Remus's neck he leaned in for a kiss full of tongue and feeling. Remus slipped his hands into his hair and kissed back with feeling. 

"You're still in your sweats."

Sirius snorted, "I'll need to sort that out, won't I?" 

He sat up and quickly shucked his sweats, and then he was naked; gloriously and beautifully naked. 

"Fuck Sirius, you're beautiful." Sirius paused, feeling overcome and sheepish. 

Sirius leaned over and squeezed more lube over his hand before he leaned down. 

"You, Remus Lupin, are the most incredible thing I've ever seen."

He slipped his hand between Remus's legs and between his cheeks, stroking his entrance. Remus felt his breath come heavier and Sirius sat up a little to spread some lube over his cock, working it in his fist as he teased a finger against his entrance.

"Baby," he breathed, reaching for him. Sirius smiled, leaning over him again and bringing his face closer. Remus gasped as Sirius's finger was worked into his entrance and Sirius kissed his way gently from his ear to his lips before he gasped when Remus took his length in his hand and squeezed. They lay close, gasping and sharing breath as Sirius worked his finger in and out and Remus pumped his fist over him. 

"You okay?" Sirius asked, "Ready for another?"

"Uh-huh," Remus nodded, biting his lip hard as Sirius sucked at a tender spot on his neck, slipping in a second finger to join the first. 

"Do you know," Sirius said as he worked his fingers in, scissoring them and crooking them. When Sirius's fingers brushed his prostate Remus cried out, the burn of the stretch and the pleasure of the fullness and the press the most exquisite torturous pleasure. "I love every version of how we are together." Remus reached further down and cupped Sirius's balls. He whimpered against Remus's ear. 

"I love every version of you as well," Sirius continued, kissing his way over Remus's neck and inhaling in the hollow of his collar bone. 

"I love you when you're at work; all competent and dressed to kill..."

Remus squirmed as Sirius added another finger and pressed hard against the spot that made him see stars.

"I love when you're at home, relaxed and soft in your hoodies and yelling at fictional characters for their relationship dramas..."

"Fuck, Sirius, you're good at this," Remus moaned, releasing Sirius's length to touch himself. He was drenched in lube and pre-come. 

"I love when you're with your parents and your old friends; how you get all relaxed and boyish, how you laugh like you've never worried before in your life..."

"Sirius, I need you," Remus whimpered. 

"Soon, baby, soon." Sirius sat up and lubed himself up with some more massage oil lube. 

"I love you when you're being a dad to Teddy, and a co-parent with Tonks, and I can tell you're so full of love for them you could explode."

Sirius lined himself up and then hovered over Remus, and he gripped him around his shoulders. "Ready?"

"Ye- AHh," Remus cried out as Sirius pushed in carefully. 

"Fuck..." Sirius groaned as he bottomed out and settled atop Remus, breathing heavily. "But Remus?" 

"Yes, babe?" Remus breathed. 

"I love you best of all when you're just like this, when there's nothing between us but sweat and love, and I want to climb into your skin and live there."

"I think this is the closest we can get to that," Remus groaned out a laugh, "and I love all the sides of you too, but right now, I need you to move, baby."

"Okay," Sirius chuckled, rolling his hips. Remus moaned, tightening his arms around Sirius's back.

"Good?"

"So good, Sirius, you feel fucking incredible."

Sirius pulled out to the tip and thrust forward firmly. "You're so tight, Remus, goddammit, so good..."

He thrust forward again, and the stimulation inside and against his cock between them made Remus feel like he was losing control. 

"God, is this how you feel every time?" he asked breathily. 

"How's that?" Sirius asked picking his face up from Remus's neck and bringing a hand up to cup his face as he picked up the pace.

"Like I'm losing it in the best way - like I'm a piece of putty in your hands. Like I'm just a soul attached to a body and every thrust is projecting me further into some kind of astral plane..."  

Sirius snorted and kissed him, breaking off with a gasp and leaning their foreheads together hard. 

"It's a bit like that, huh?" he breathed, the sentence buffeted by the sounds of skin slapping together and panting breath. "Like sex disembodies us for a bit - like it's the closest we can get to our souls being able to hold hands and go for a walk for a while..."

"It's also the only time its not corny to get all fucking poetic," Remus groaned, arching off the bed after a sharp thrust. 

"Fuck I'm really close," Sirius sobbed. 

"Come baby, come for me..." Remus whined, "Inside me, wanna feel it..."

Sirius increased his speed and Remus felt his own orgasm building at the duel stimulation. 

"Fuck..." Sirius cried out, and he came, collapsing onto Remus as he thrust into him hard as he spilled into him. 

Remus's orgasm surprised him. Something about the weight of Sirius against him, and the throbbing of his cock within him as he came and the lips on his neck tipping him over. He cried out against Sirius's sweaty curls, holding him tight as he came between them.

"I love that we can talk and laugh when we do this," Remus began, holding Sirius to him as he grew heavy and floppy, the way he always did after sex.

"I love that you want to be part of every bit of my life and you've taken all of it on even with your own shit going on."

Sirius's head turned towards him, cuddled close and blinking lazily.

"I love that I can see us being like this, having each other's backs, supporting each other and loving each other, and fucking each other until we're old and greying and you're still devilishly handsome."

Sirius smirked, his eyes all soft.

"I love your laugh and your eyes and the way you get that wicked grin whenever you get an idea. I love you with Teddy and I love you with Reg. I just love you."

Sirius swallowed. "I love you too," he said softly and his eyes held an adoring ache that Remus felt as well.

They stared at each other for a long time until Remus checked his watch. "Its eleven," he said softly, "If we're gonna skype with Teddy at midnight we'll need to clean up a little..."

Sirius smiled and pushed up, but not before leaving a lingering kiss on Remus's lips. 

"I love everything about you,' he whispered and Remus tucked his hair behind his ear, "and I think I always will."

Remus kissed him back. "Me too, baby," confident that he'd never be able to vocalise just how much.

Fifty minutes, a second shower, and a snack later Remus held Sirius on his lap as he sat in one of the leather armchairs in front of the fire, dialing Tonks and selecting face time. 

A few moments later Teddy's face filled the screen, Tonks's face flashing somewhere in the background.

"Hey, Ted!" Remus grinned. 

"Da!" His grin lit the screen and he heard Tonks laughing in the background, "Did you give grandma and grandda their gifts? What did they say?"

"I did Cariad," Remus said affectionately, "They loved their platter dish! They also gave me a thing or two for you..."

Teddy squealed excitement and he met Tonks's eye. 

"He's a bit overtired," she explained. Remus turned to Sirius who was watching with amusement.

"His bed time is usually nine pm latest."

"Ah," Sirius chuckled. "What have you guys been up to tonight, Ted?" he asked. 

"We watched the Royal Variety Performance," Teddy said, bopping in his seat, "There were these acrobats, and they were balancing on each other's heads!"

Sirius laughed, delighted, "they must have been very light!"

"They weren't!" Teddy said avidly, his expression the picture of disbelief, "They were so muscly!"

Sirius darted a knowing look to Remus for a sec and smiled, "maybe they were just super talented, then."

"There was also a musical number of all the Disney songs!"

"All of them?" Remus asked, genuinely flabbergasted.

"Just the big ones," Tonks added helpfully, "the ones that everyone knows." 

"We have just a few seconds now," Sirius informed them and Remus checked his watch as well, confirming that it was just moments to the new year. 

"You ready for the countdown love?" he asked and Teddy started jumping up and down excitedly. 

"Ten," they started, "nine," Teddy and Tonks joined in. "eight, seven," Sirius settled deeper into his lap and passed him a flute of champagne, "six, five, four," Teddy started to hop to the count, and Remus tightened his arm around his waist looking at him as they counted down. Sirius was looking back with a happy grin. "Three, two, one - HAPPY NEW YEAR!" They all chorused, and Sirius leaned in for a chaste, celebratory kiss. 

When they pulled away, it was to see Tonks tickling a squirming Teddy as she kissed his cheek. Fleur leaned in from out of the frame to kiss Tonks on the lips. She was quick to sign off the call after that, looking a little harassed and Teddy looking so delirious he was sure to fall asleep immediately when he went to bed shortly after. They all said I love you, even Sirius who was pink-cheeked and shy, and then the call ended and he put his phone down, looking back at Sirius, sure he was oozing devotion and happiness in his soppy smile. 

"I've never done that before," Sirius said, leaning against the back of the chair. Remus tugged on a curl. 

"Done what?"

"Kissed someone I love on New Years..."

"Wanna do it again?" 

Sirius laughed and leaned in for a more languid, lazy kiss. He pulled away and took a deep breath before he spoke again. 

"Here's to many more to come?" 

Remus kissed him again and took his chin in between his finger and thumb, looking deep into his eyes. 

"Here's to every New Year to come from here on in if I get my way." 

Chapter Text

Remus stepped back from the wall he’d been painting, a roller in one hand, and surveyed his progress.

The second coat on the wall really solidified the choice of shade for him and he nodded in satisfaction. Teddy had always liked shades of green and turquoise, but Sirius had been right – the teal was too much and the lime was just too bright. They had settled on a sagey green that leaned toward the muddy, kaki side of the spectrum, and the result was what can only be described as a cool, calming, reptilian green that could age with his son – becoming more mature as he grew up – but in the meantime, could compliment the slightly swampy style of Yoda’s lair as Luke trained to become a Jedi. It would also set off the green in the duvet cover he’d bought Teddy for Christmas.

It was the first week of March, and Remus was smugly thinking of his moving in as his own not-so-little birthday gift to himself. Well, that and something else he was working on. He felt positive about the success of the second endeavour as well, though. He very seldom failed at things he set his mind to, and the set up was perfect for his plan for the next day. He wasn't too fussy about the timing, or for how he wanted it to come up, but he had an idea that Teddy should be involved.

But for now, it was a low pressure afternoon after the craziness of the morning, and Elton John's greatest hits played softly from the kitchen. Sirius had insisted it be the first thing unpacked and set up along with the kettle before they got stuck into decorating Teddy's room for his arrival the next day and the mellow tones of Goodbye Yellow-brick Road floated out to them as they worked on their respective tasks.

It was finally the day, you see. It had been weeks of closing paperwork and irritating back and forth with his lawyer to smooth over the details of the sale, but he had finally collected the keys to his new flat the night before. A moving truck and a morning of carting boxes later, and everything Remus owned was piled around in his new space in boxes and large Sistema containers waiting to be unpacked when they got to it. And the best part? The man across the room, helping him surprise his son with a fully decorated room before anything else, to welcome Teddy to his new second home, singing "oh I finally decided my future lies beyond the yellowbrick ROOOO-OOOAD, AaAHhhhh...."

He bit his lip in amusement and swatted his arse with the back of the hand not holding the roller. Sirius turned to look at him and grinned, sidling up to him and leaving the curtains he’d been hanging and the performance he'd been giving for a second to wrap an arm around Remus’s waist and look at his work with him.

“We’ll need to do another coat of cutting in,” he observed pointing to the roof where the roller hadn’t quite reached and the paint work was patchier, "but one more coat should do it..."

“Okay, Michael-Angelo, I was getting there,” Remus teased resting his free arm around Sirius’s shoulders comfortably.

“He’s gonna love it, babe,” Sirius went on with a smile, leaning into his side and ignoring the jibe, “What time is he arriving tomorrow?”

“Tonks is bringing him around lunch, I think.”

“Perfect, so we can air out the paint smell before he spends the night.”

“And we can christen my new bed without having to worry about waking anyone up with your colourful noises…” he bumped Sirius’s hip with his. Sirius actually giggled.

“I take it we’re staying in for dinner, then?”

“Please, like you weren’t dying to be the first person to use that kitchen.”

“Guilty,” Sirius laughed. “I’ll finish with the curtains and then I’ll pop out for ingredients while you wrestle with the instructions for putting together the bunk-bed.”

“Convenient…”

Sirius snorted.

“I’ll be back to help you put it together, you big baby – I just want to get to the butchers before they close.”

“I suppose I can forgive you leaving me to the wolves-”

“-It’s literally just a flatpack bunk bed with a desk instead of a lower bunk.”

“-As long as I get some steak out of the deal…”

“My goodness, we’re demanding and dramatic today…”

Remus barked a laugh and turned to Sirius, leaning town for a kiss. Sirius accepted with a smile, letting Remus lick into his mouth with a sigh of contentment. 

“I learned from the best, baby,” he murmured against Sirius’s smiling lips. How did he get so lucky? 

“Hmmmmm,” he hummed, returning the kiss languidly, a preview and a promise of what was to come later that night. “I can’t believe you’re going to be just next door from now on…”

The sound of melodic piano began, and they started swaying without thinking to the familiar tune.

Blue jean baby, L.A. Lady... Seamstress for the band.

Remus felt a shiver at that knowledge the way he always did. And even more so at the possibility it presented. Just one more step in the right direction. One step closer to there being no physical boundaries at all. “You’re going to get so sick of me.”

“More like Reg is going to be alone in the flat a lot more often,” he chuckled. Remus's pulse jumped. 

Pretty eyes, pirate smile... You'll marry a music man.

“Just as long as you remember that my child is going to be around more as well. So, no lounging naked on the couch, waiting for me to get home from golf with a bow wrapped around your hips…”

“Oh, been thinking of me naked on your new, down-filled couch, have you?” 

Remus dimly thought that Sirius had no fucking idea quite how much that was the case.

Ballerina-ah, you must have seen her... dancing in the sand.

“Well, the night is long,” he grinned, “There are multiple rooms to christen. Pardon me for having a game plan.” For more than just sex, Remus finished in his head.

And now she's in me. Always with me. Tiny dancer in my hand...

Sirius sniggered and gave Remus one last peck before returning to his step ladder and the half-hung curtains.

“I can’t believe your unit has a fucking ensuite. I’m so jealous I could die.”

“You mean sharing a bathroom with a teenager in a twenty-five-year old’s body isn’t proving to be a picnic?” Remus teased. 

“It would be if he could use the fucking heated towel rack to dry his towels instead of leaving them in a heap by the bath and then complaining that they’re still wet when he comes back to them. I swear it’s like he thinks there are tiny elves that live in the flat that dart around, cleaning up after him…”

“That’s ever so slightly creepy…” Remus frowned, laying down the roller and picking up the skinny brush to go over the boarders of the paint job again.

“Yeah, well in case you haven’t noticed, my brother gravitates toward the gothic and the creepy, so it’s hardly a surprise.”

“Speaking of gothic and creepy,” Remus said, reaching up to touch up the bits that Sirius had pointed out, “how goes the prep for your course?”

Sirius snorted, “one hell of a segue, love. It’s going,” he shrugged, “I’m excited to get stuck in.”

"Gothic and creepy was an accurate description as any for the books Sirius had been reading in preparation for his studies due to start in September. He had finally settled on his study pathway following many hours pouring over the notes he had taken in his appointment and the dogeared undergraduate prospectus; choosing a Bachelor of Engineering with a minor in art history. It was somehow the perfect combination of everything that made Sirius who he was; practical, ambitious, artistic and eccentric. Interestingly, Reg had also decided to study. He had eventually decided against the business studies idea he had posited on his and Remus's first meeting; deciding instead to study sociology - with the aim to become a social worker.

"Did you get the books out you were interested in?" he asked. 

"I did," he replied, audibly fizzing. They had recently made a trip to the local library to make Sirius and Reg members in preparation for their various courses, and the interloans Sirius had requested had evidently come in. 

"And are you ready to hand in your resignation this week?"

Sirius sighed. Remus smiled in acknowledgment. The last two months had been particularly tough for him at work. He'd become more and more miserable through January and February as he looked into pre reading for his course starting in September and finalised his enrolment. Something about the combination of the tedium and misery of the call center, while being presented with possibilities that might make him genuinely happy had taken a toll and Remus had watched him soldiering on, white-knuckling his way through work while trying to be there for Regulus, be a partner to Remus, and spending every spare second either cooking or reading since they'd got back from Wales and their earth shaking trip, before he'd finally said something.

*

One month ago

"Sirius, love," Remus said softly, stroking his feet where they were pillowed on his lap as he read a textbook on the engine of cars. Well. That's what he'd been doing when he had fallen asleep.

Sirius woke up mid snore, jumping slightly against the sofa cushions. Regulus snorted in amusement from across the living room where he sat watching the show with them. 

"Y-What? Sorry, baby, I fell asleep."

Remus chuckled. "I'm aware darling."

"Wassup?" Sirius asked stretching with his arms above his head, exposing a bit of pale skin above his pyjama pants. Remus tried not to stare. 

"When do you see yourself resigning from the call center?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Regulus look toward them with interest as Sirius frowned in thought. 

"I guess just before orientation... why?" he croaked, closing the book and shuffling over and turning so that his head was pillowed in Remus's lap. 

"Do you think that you might want to resign a little earlier?" he suggested gently, "take a break, maybe?" 

At Sirius's confused expression he hastened on. "It's just that you're trying to do so much at the moment. You're trying to be everything to everyone, you know? It's not sustainable." 

Sirius frowned and started to sit up until Remus slipped his hand into his hair, causing him to deflate back into his lap like he'd hit a switch. He smiled. 

"I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't working though. And we're short staffed with the temps gone..."

"That's hardly your problem, darling," Remus said softly, stroking the silky black hair away from his face.

"-And we both know you don't need to work,' Reg piped up with a smirk.

"You could potentially get a gig at a mechanic - like interning?" Remus suggested.

"Or just continue on your quest to become the world's biggest nerd and read the whole library-" Reg interjected. Remus shot him a look and Reg slumped further into his armchair with a smirk and his hands raised in submission. 

"-The point is you could be doing something that doesn't make you want to fry your face off every day."

Sirius blinked up at him and swallowed. "But..." he shot a look to Reg who was resolutely looking away now and lowered his voice. Remus leaned down to hear better. "But then I won't be able to see you every day..."

Remus thought his heart might explode. He stroked his hair. 

"I'm about to move in next door to you, baby," he reminded him with a whisper. Sirius bit his lip and fiddled with his fingers. 

"I'm not going anywhere, darling. Just because we don't see each other at work doesn't mean I'll forget you."

Sirius looked up and Remus smiled reassuringly. 

"Do you really think someone would take me on at a mechanics?"

"I think they would," Remus nodded, "but the point is that right now you're miserable. Anything else would probably be better. But you don't need to do anything. You could just rest for a bit."

"I'm not miserable currently," Sirius muttered, nuzzling into Remus's lower belly. He chuckled.

"You could be not miserable all the time..." Remus countered. 

"But I feel so lazy if I quit just because my job sucks... or maybe not lazy? Inadequate..."

Sirius was blinking up at him, eyes large and deceptively innocent.

Remus shook his head. "Quitting a job that takes more than it gives does not make you the inadequate one."

"Listen to the man, brother," Regulus gave in a flat voice and they both snorted in amusement. 

"I don't want to resign before you move in."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine, love. Just don't waste your time there. You're worth so much more."

*

"I'm dreading it a little, honestly. I feel like Minnie is gonna be very disappointed."

Remus put down his roller and came up behind Sirius where he was sorting through curtain hooks and snuck his arms around him, hooking his chin over his shoulder and kissing his cheek. The song was in its final bridge to chorus now. 

Oh, how it feels so real, lying there with no one near, only you. And you can't hear me when I say softly... Slowly... Hold me closer tiny dancer...

"She'll be relieved you finally got out. You know she's been rooting for you since day one."

"You mean she was shipping us from day one."

"She's just looking for your best interests."

Sirius chuckled. "In my best interests, are you?" 

Remus pressed open-mouthed kisses down his neck from his ear.

"Best interests... Worst influence, maybe..."

Lay me down in sheets of linen...

Sirius placed his arms over Remus's, leaning back against his chest and exposing his neck further. 

"Hmmm, influence away, baby..."

You had a busy day today...

"How about we order in tonight..." Remus purred against his skin, nibbling on his ear lobe and feeling him shiver, "And you can nip out for brunch ingredients to surprise Ted with waffles tomorrow morning?"

"Hmmm," Sirius hummed, "gunning for dad of the year and boyfriend of the year?"

"Always, baby."

Sirius turned into his embrace, raising onto his tiptoes and nipping at his chin. "I have been fiending for some Mexican food..."

"I've been fiending for you," Remus dipped his head and kissed him, licking into his mouth at the same time as he bent his knees, slid his hands down over his sides and arse and lifted him as Sirius hopped to help, wrapping his legs around his waist and looping his arms around his neck.

"Where do you want me, baby?" Sirius asked huskily, pressing his lips to his ear and neck. 

"God," Remus groaned, carrying him through to the passage. He paused for a few moments, frantically trying to decide between the half assembled bed in is room and the half assembled couch in the living room. He growled with frustration, and slammed the fully grown man clinging to him like a vine against the passage wall. He made a winded "oof" noise.

"Sorry," he grunted, pressing against him and, in the process, smushing their pelvises together. They both groaned when the hot hard lines of their lengths were felt by each of them respectively. 

"You know I love it when you're rough, love," Sirius chuckled and bit down on Remus's earlobe. He rolled his hips into Remus's and he saw white burst behind his eyes. Making his decision based on proximity, he heaved him back up, letting himself be clung to while Sirius rutted and moaned as he turned into his room and dumped Sirius unceremoniously onto the bare mattress lying without a frame on the floor. He yelped and giggled while Remus looked over his sprawled form as he frantically wriggled out of his Henley. He bit his lip and pulled his top off over his head and stripped off his jeans, instinct telling him with a ripple of excitement that this was going to be hard and fast. He quickly rummaged through a suitcase to find a bottle of lube and dropped it to the mattress. He dimly registered that out of all the songs they could be about to fuck to, it was Bennie and the Jets playing softly as they got into position. He breathed out a laugh in amusement.

When he came back to the mattress Sirius was totally naked, glorious and pale against the quilted fabric, stroking his hard cock and moaning already. 

Falling onto his knees, he crawled over him as he grinned filthily in his direction. He leaned back and popped the cap, coating his hand, while keeping his gaze with equal intensity. 

"On your knees," he ordered with the jerk of his chin, and Sirius's eyes began to shine with desire as he hurriedly turned onto his stomach. He was moving too slow, however, and Remus lifted him bodily onto his knees with his arms looped around his hips and pressed his shoulders down into the mattress even as he pressed a finger into him in one go, burying himself to the knuckle. Sirius cried out at the sudden intrusion and arched his back obscenely. 

"Fuck yes..." Sirius whimpered, bucking back onto his hand as his grip searched for purchase on the surface of the mattress under him. 

"So greedy, huh?" he grunted and thrust his finger in and out of his hole. He twisted it wickedly and grinned as he whined for "Another, please God, another..."

He obliged, immediately crooking both fingers against his prostate and chuckling with satisfaction when Sirius yelped bucking backwards. 

"Are you ready baby?" He purred, his tone at odds with the force of his fingers thrusting and crooking and scissoring as Sirius whined and whimpered and murmured his fuck yes's and fuck me please, love's.

Bennie and the Jets... Oh, but they're weird and they're wonderful... Oh, Bennie, she's really keen.

Remus buried a third finger into his arse and clumsily popped the lube one-handed, squeezing it directly onto his own dark pink, throbbing cock. Then he threw the lube somewhere and it landed with a clatter before he spread the slippery liquid over himself, wondering dimly if he was going to have to get his mattress professionally cleaned. He wasn't immediately concerned, though, for now Sirius lived just next door and he could sleep at his tonight if the bed was soiled beyond recall. He removed his fingers and immediately sunk into him hard, groaning as he bottomed out. 

She's got electric boots, a mohair suit - you know I read it in a magaziiiiiiine....

"Fuck baby, you feel like heaven..." he groaned, pulling out and slamming back into him until their hips were flush together, and then repeating the motion as Sirius cried out with every thrust. 

"If I feel like heaven then you must be God himself," Sirius muttered deliriously. 

He couldn't help but snort with laughter as he continually thrust in and out relentlessly, roughly, and without mercy. 

B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets...

"Fuck, Remus, don't stop love, don't stop..."

As if he could ever... 

He kept hammering into him hard as Sirius rolled his hips back to meet every thrust, feeling his own pleasure building rapidly. Dimly he noted that Sirius was gripping his length, allowing himself to thrust into the circle of his fist with every jerk forward. 

"Fuck I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sirius cried out, and Remus pulled out and flipped him over just in time to avoid soiling his unprotected mattress, thrusting into him a final time as he spurted ropes of come between them and Remus finished inside, burying his tongue as far into his mouth as his cock was inside him.

They came back to themselves laughing to the flouncy piano music fading into nothing. Remus had his full weight collapsed onto Sirius, his lover's fingernails stinging his shoulders as he held on. 

He felt Sirius squirming then, and pulled away enough to see Sirius already hardening against his stomach as his wriggling gave pressure to his sensitive length. He moved experimentally and felt himself shiver as he grew hard again inside him just as Sirius rolled his hips toward Remus underneath him.

"Jesus, love," Remus panted, rutting forward again, but softer now, conscious that Sirius would be sensitive. 

When he thrust forward again it was gentle and Sirius whimpered, his hands slipping into Remus's hair as he panted and groaned, tender and fuck-drunk. He brought Remus closer by the hair and kissed him sloppily and were no filthy words the next time they came, carried quickly by their sensitive tissues and the depth of their love for the other, pressed close and clinging. After a few moments Sirius muttered something against his neck.

"It may be quite simple..."

He pulled away enough to see Sirius shaking his head and laughing. 

"What was that, my love?" 

Sirius smiled lazily and his eyes fluttered open. He placed a hand on Remus's cheek and cleared his throat. 

"I hope you don't mind..." he sang with a husky sigh, "I hope you don't mind... That I put down in words... How wonderful life is now you're in the world."

It was only then that Remus heard the tune of the song wafting in from the passage and laughed in disbelief, dizzy with love and the grey eyes shining up at him like silver. Your Song. How utterly perfect.

It occurred to him as he was looking down into Sirius's gaze, that while there was certainly something to the newness of sleeping with someone for the first time, and in the continued surprise and joy of learning their body and how they responded, that there was something far more meaningful about making love to someone you knew so well. There was something to knowing just how they like to touch and be touched. Something to the give and the take of it all, knowing that the exchange could go on for as long as you remained together. And it was all linked; both the sexual and the non-sexual. It was as important that he knew how Sirius took his coffee and what laundry detergent didn't make him sneeze as it was to know that Sirius liked it when Remus pinched his nipples and fucked him rough. It was just as much of a privilege to be able to recognize when Sirius's blood sugar was low and needed a snack as it was to see the flicker of desire that would cross his features in public sometimes when Remus knew they needed to get somewhere private now. 

He knew Sirius. He knew his favorite colours and textures. He knew he liked olives but not pickles. 

And he knew Sirius knew him. He knew when Remus was peopled out and just needed a breather outside and covered for him when they were in company. He knew when Remus needed soft and tender lovemaking and when he needed a quick and dirty blowy in the kitchen before they'd had coffee to help him have the strength to get through the day, just as much as he knew that Remus liked having his head massaged after a long day. They were learning the pattern's of each others souls. There would always be more to know, but he loved knowing that he knew more of it that day than he had the day before. 

In Sirius's eyes he saw their brief history; their last few months and all the milestones they shared together and memories they had made. He also saw the future, and all the milestones to come. 

He knew it wouldn't be perfect. They were both too flawed for that. But it would be theirs. And he couldn't wait for a slice of the future that was uniquely Remus and Sirius's. 

Anyway, the thing is - what I really mean - yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen...

***

"What are you doing?"

"Shhhhhh..."

Sirius didn't need to look behind him to know that Regulus rolled his eyes before lowering his voice to a whisper and asking again. 

"What are you doing?" 

"I'm trying to catch Teddy's reaction to his room..."

Regulus came to stand next to Sirius, peering out of the bathroom window; the only window in the house you could see a little into Remus's new place from. It was a tight fit. The window was little and high up and on a latch so that it could only open a fraction. Never-the-less, Regulus came to stand next to him to look. Sirius was jus popping into his flat after nipping out to buy waffle ingredients to fetch Reg when he'd noticed the Tonks-mobile arrive. He'd hoped to be there when Teddy saw his decorated room, but he wasn't about to go barging in now and steal Remus's thunder. 

Which was why Sirius was on his tip-toes with his brother in his bathroom, trying to catch the real-time reaction to his and Remus's handiwork from the night before. 

"Do we even know if he's there yet?" Reg whispered (absurdly). 

"Tonks's car pulled up five minutes ago," Sirius replied (also whispering).

"So it should be any-"

A muffled squeal could be heard from Remus's place and Sirius looked at Regulus in delight to see he had a matching grin. 

"I love that kid," Reg chuckled affectionately. 

"He'd just got so much joy, right?" Sirius commented, stepping away from the window with a happy sigh. 

"Yeah, well, no-one every crushed his spirit or abused him, so..." Reg came nonchalantly. Sirius had to concede that was a significant factor.

"So I take it you stayed over last night?" Regulus smirked as they made their way out of the bathroom. 

"What gave it away?" he asked innocently. 

"The fact that you're walking a little funny..."

Sirius smacked his brother in the arm and he ducked, muttering something about how abuse ran in the family. 

"I'm surprised you aren't," Sirius tried, "James doesn't strike me as a bottom."

"How do you know either of us top?" He threw back carelessly.

"Ugh, I do not need to know about your sex life with my best friends."

Regulus barked out a laugh, and Sirius couldn't help but smile that this was their dynamic now; joking and discussing their relationships and making well meaning jibes that the other took affectionately. It was such chalk and cheese from the way it had been when Reg had first arrived that he'd never have believed they would get there if you'd told him at the end of November. 

"You fucking started it!" Reg gave indignantly. 

"Hey!" Sirius responded, following him to the kitchen, "You were the one who accused me of walking bow legged."

"Ugh, I suppose I did... Sue me." he shrugged and filled the kettle. "For the record," Reg said carelessly, bringing two mugs down for them as Sirius sat at the counter, "James bottoms beautifully, actually."

"Arse like that, I bet he does," Sirius smirked. "And where does Lily fit into the equation?"

It was a fairly recent evolution in the trio's little dynamic. They'd started out more as flirty friends, as far as Sirius had been able to glean from James mostly. But then, that was just dating in general, wasn't it? Developing a friendship that left the door open for more. It had taken Reg a long time to even talk about it with Sirius, but it looked like the Potters were finally rubbing off on him and he'd begun to lighten up. They'd been going out for over a month before Regulus spent the night - biblically speaking, that is. Sirius had only known that because Reg had been too slow to cover the hickey on his collarbone when he'd seen Sirius the next day. He'd teased him relentlessly, and Reg had taken it rather well, just blushing darkly and muttering about it being "nice to be included." 

"Honestly," Reg said, pouring milk into their cups, "she's in charge," he shrugged. "She's the captain and we just do as we're told..."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully, warring between intrigued and disgusted that they were still talking about his little brother's sex life. "That adds up, honestly. Also, this is also the last time we're speaking about this."

Reg snorted and passed Sirius his cup before raising his own for a toast. "I'll drink to that," He replied dryly and Sirius smirked as he raised his mug to clink. 

They drank in silence for a little while. 

"So you guys really decorated Teddy's bedroom together?" Reg asked in a totally different tone. 

Sirius wrapped his hands around his mug and nodded. "Yup. it's vaguely Star Wars themed," he explained, "Remus wanted it to 'grow with him'." 

Reg nodded. "You know," he said quietly, "that's something I hear parents do together for their kids... You know... the ones they have together?"

Sirius swallowed. He looked up to see Reg looking at him carefully. 

"Have you thought about it?" 

Sirius nodded but stayed silent. Apart from Remus and his course, he honestly thought of little else. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since that first day when Remus's kid had woken him up and watched cartoons with him in his living room. He'd thought about it when they were at the zoo together and when he'd shown Teddy how to make pizza dough. he'd thought about it on Christmas morning when he'd opened the gift containing a vase currently in pride-of-place on his mantel holding a bouquet of flowers that Remus had brought when he'd come over for a movie night earlier in the week. He'd loved that kid from the moment he met him. But that didn't mean he was his, or that either Teddy, Remus or Tonks would welcome more of his involvement. He couldn't even say the words; "step-parent". They felt too sacred. It felt too undeserved.

"Have you talked about it?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not really. Other than for Remus to say that Ted is like Tonks; likes to collect people, you know?" 

Reg nodded his understanding.

"And back when we were getting started Remus expressed that he wanted Teddy to have consistency and I said I'd leave it to them regarding how much involvement I'd have."

Regulus just kept quiet, listening.  

"And they seem relaxed about him knowing an age appropriate amount about me and Remus, at least," he added. "But I don't think that translates to 'step parent' status."

"-Yet..." Reg replied directly. "If I know Remus and Tonks," Reg said quietly, "They'd probably be more comfortable letting Teddy decide when he's ready to involve you more. Since I'm pretty sure you're not going anywhere under your own steam, right?"

"Right," Sirius gave, nodding vigorously. 

"Right. So consistency isn't the problem. It's a matter of time. Maybe you just feel your way into it, then?" Reg suggested. "Just be yourself and he'll eventually come to love you as much as you already love him."

Sirius looked up at Reg in surprise, his eyebrows raised. "You're very yoda-ish, sometimes, you know?" 

Reg snorted. "Come on, Luke," he replied with sarcasm, "lets gather our things and head next door for waffle-lunch, yeah?" 

When they knocked at Remus's door shortly afterwards, it was Teddy who answered the door. When he saw it was Sirius and Reg, his excited little face split into an earthshattering grin and he shot into Sirius's space, wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing the life from him as he cried "Da said you helped with my room! I love it I love It IloveitIloveitIloveit!!!"

Remus came hurrying into the entry and Sirius saw him watching fondly from the door frame as he hugged Teddy back. 

"We should let them in through the door frame love. Then you can say thank you properly..."

Teddy took Sirius and Reg by the hand, pulling them through the door and into the flat. 

Next, Teddy insisted on providing both Sirius and Reg with a tour of the place, deaf to the bewildered reminder from Remus that Sirius had been over before. 

Reg looked around the room that Sirius and Remus had decorated the night before, giving Sirius meaningful looks with every gushing phrase Teddy uttered about the wall colour and the bunk bed. 

Tour concluded, they gathered around Remus's kitchen island and Sirius broke in the kitchen with whipped cream and splatters of waffle mixture handled haphazardly by the little boy as it was ladled into the waffle iron. 

"Will you live here with Da now, Sirius?" Teddy asked abruptly as he studied the waffle maker carefully while it cooked a portion of batter. 

Sirius swallowed nervously and looked up at Remus, slightly panicked. Remus only met his eye gently and answered for him. 

"Sirius lives next door, love."

"Oh," Teddy said quizzically, "why though?"

Sirius noted Regulus watching the interaction avidly, a careful look in his eye.

Remus took a second to answer. "Because I've only just moved in."

It was Sirius's turn to look quizzically at Remus then. While that was true, it was an odd way to answer the question. It was almost like Remus was suggesting-

Sirius's breath hitched and Remus looked steadily back. His eyes were shining slightly with emotion as he watched Sirius put two and two together. 

Teddy, still beautifully oblivious, continued his line of questioning, looking up at Sirius. "Does that mean that you'll move in soon, then?"

Sirius looked up from the innocent eyes peering at him, totally none-the-wiser to the potential turmoil he might be inspiring, to Remus who was looking back still - this time with the crinkly-eyed little smile he loved.

"Well, babe? Will you?" 

There were a few beats of loaded silence and then Regulus burst into action.

"Teddy!" he leapt up and grabbed the attention of the child watching the subtle conversations happening around him with open curiosity, "I want to see this famous LEGO Star Wars collection you mentioned earlier - will you show me?"

Teddy and his LEGO induced short term memory loss dragged an indulgent Regulus through to his new room, leaving Remus and Sirius looking at each other over the kitchen island; Sirius gaping and Remus smiling softly as he waited for Sirius to respond.

They were quiet for a beat until Remus finally got up off his stool and came to join him by the waffle maker. 

"What happened to there's a billion steps between where we were at Christmas and when we're ready to move in?" Sirius asked in a small voice.

Remus searched his face as he tucked a strand of Sirius's hair back behind his ear and stepped closer. 

"It's okay if you don't feel ready yet..."

"No! no, love," Sirius hooked a finger through his belt loop, looking up into his warm eyes and keeping him close. He internally warred with how much to reveal before breathing out in a gust and dropping every defense he had left.

"I was waiting on you," he said honestly, "I wanted to be sensitive to your needs and Teddy's, but, honestly?" He swallowed heavily and dove head first.

"I feel like I'm always only just discovering the possibilities of what it could mean to be with you. I didn't know any of this was possible for me. I didn't know you'd want to introduce me to your parents and kiss me in front of our work peers or want me enough to spend every day with me... But as soon as those things were possible I wanted them. It's like I could never allow myself to want at all before I had you. But now that I have you I am so full of that wanting I feel like a vacuum and all the love you're willing to give I'll take. The ball has been in your court from day one, baby, because I was always all in for whatever you were prepared to share with me. It's already more than I hoped for but how could I possibly say no to more. I'm in all the way. No takesies-backsies. You have me in whatever capacity you want me because I was yours from the first day we shared lunch together. I would move in with you tomorrow. Fuck it, I'd pack a suitcase and move in this afternoon. Of course I'll move in with you. I'm just worried it's not what you want."

Remus was looking at him intently. 

"We're in a different place now than we were at Christmas," he said simply. Sirius nodded, thinking of New Year and the new level of trust and closeness it had earned them. It was true. He no longer felt so insecure about Remus's feelings for him. Any lingering anxiety he still had was about how to continue the process of enmeshing their lives without going too far too soon. "I feel like there's no point in delaying something so inevitable for us," Remus went on. "I want you here when I come home from work, and I want to make you cups of tea while you study and remind you that you need to eat. I want you to be a part of morning and evening routine every day, not just when you stay over. My life is better when you're in it."

Sirius gripped him closer with his other hand placed on his hip. Remus was resting a gentle hand against his neck.

"Mine too, baby. I want all the things; the good, the bad, the mundane... I want our lives so closely entwined that we can't imagine being apart for any length of time," Sirius said huskily. 

Remus closed his eyes and sighed in relief and contentment. Then his eyes opened and his hand went from cupping his neck to his cheek. "What about Reg?" 

Sirius smiled. "He'll probably stay in the flat next door," he shrugged, "he's doing good. and if he struggles he knows he can just knock and I'll be there." He swallowed. "What about Teddy?" he asked. "Are you comfortable with us all living together while he stays?"

Remus's smile grew and warmed until Sirius was sure he'd melt from the intensity. "You might have noticed that my son already considers you a part of his family. He loves you, Sirius."

He felt himself well up at that and bit his lip, more a puddle than a person. 

"Are you sure you won't get sick of me?" Sirius asked in a small voice. Remus's face softened even further. 

"Not when you make me happier than I've ever been. We should bottle the effect for medicinal purposes, frankly. You're my medicine. My heart. Insert all of the corny metaphors that are and all the ones that are to come."

Sirius grinned at that and the last of his reservations fell away. He raised onto his toes and kissed Remus softly. 

"I love you," he said, smiling even as his vision blurred and swam.

"I love you, baby." Remus replied huskily.

They kissed again, and Sirius slipped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer.

And then they were interrupted by a chorus of "EEEEEEEWWW".

They turned in unison to find Reg and Teddy pulling faces at them in the kitchen doorway and suddenly Sirius, coming back to reality, could smell-

"You dummies forgot the waffle!" Reg yelped, rushing over as smoke began to billow from the waffle maker.

He wasn't fast enough, though. The smoke detector alarm started to blare loudly and Sirius and Remus snapped from their shocked, slightly dazed observance of the scene into action. Remus hurried to the windows, flinging them open and letting in the cool air, and Sirius used a stool to get onto the Island and reached up to flap a dish towel under the detector, accidentally knocking the bowl of batter to the floor with a splat and a clatter. Reg took the appliance outside via the backdoor - and by the sounds of the colourful swearing, burned himself beautifully on the hot plate trying to extract the no-doubt burned to a crisp waffle out to prevent the whole thing from going up in flames. When Remus came back from opening the windows, he slipped on the batter now coating the kitchen tiles and fell spectacularly onto his arse, shouting a perfectly timed "oh for crying on a crumpet!" much to Teddy's amusement as he watched them all with the utmost poise, dipping his finger into the whipped cream and popping it into his mouth with an air of contentment that could only be achieved when for once one is not the center of chaos but rather the observer. 

When the smoke alarm stopped Sirius sighed dramatically from his place atop the counter and took a look around at the devastation. The floor was smeared in waffle mix and Remus stood, rubbing his arse with a wince as he hands came away coated in beige batter. Reg was running his burned hand under the cold water tap muttering curses, and Teddy was looking between them all, seemingly trying to decide what to do next. He looked from his dad, up to Sirius, and to then to Reg before a thoughtful expression settled on his little face.

"Shall I call mum?"

And they all dissolved into groans and laughter.   

***

Twenty Four Hours later and Sirius had moved his most treasured and necessitated belongings over to Remus's. Both of theirs now, he supposed.

Forty eight hours later and Sirius had invited Reg and James over to help him build a fort in the living room and to re-watch A New Hope with Remus and Teddy to celebrate moving in. 

A week later they co-hosted a house warming-slash-birthday bash for Remus attended by their nearest and dearest, and over a few wines, Tonks confided with a twinkle and a wink that Sirius's move had won her fifteen quid from Fleur. Lily expressed her delight that they weren't wasting time living apart when they could be happier together, and James bought Sirius his lamb recipe and a Snake plant; "I heard about your kitchen christening," he said with a smirk, his eyes darting up to where he no-doubt could still see bits of waffle batter splattered on the ceiling, "Snake plants purify the air apparently. Sounds like your kitchen may need it after the waffle incident."

They woke up together Remus's birthday morning, and Sirius was only prevented from showing him just how happy his birthday could be by Teddy rocketing onto their bed early with them still in it, shriek-singing Happy Birthday as he presented Remus with a scarf he had knitted him with Tonks's help. Sirius bought him a gorgeous vintage denim jacket and a pair of tiny Bermuda shorts.

When Remus held up the article with a raised eyebrow, Sirius explained that between he, Tonks, and Reg, he'd organised short summer getaway in July for them all to the South of France. James and Lily were apparently coming as well. 

A month later, Sirius had his last day at Phoenix and was both touched and overwhelmed when he was mobbed at his desk by all the people he had grown to love at the company. Minerva read out a short tribute to him and wished him well while handing over a little tea for two set, and he happily bequeathed Mary his amethyst tree with profusive thanks for the role it had played in him getting the man of his dreams. 

Six months later, on the eve of his first day of uni, he stood looking over the clothes he had laid out on their bed and felt Remus's arms come around him and his chin hook over his shoulder. 

"How are you feeling about tomorrow, love?"

Sirius leaned back into the broad chest and sighed happily. 

"I'm ready to be the old man in the lecture hall," he said in wry resignation.

"They're gonna think you're the hot tutor..." Remus murmured into his neck with a smile Sirius could feel as well as hear. 

"Nah, just the hot nobody..." He shrugged and laughed as Remus's arms tightened around him. 

"Not no one baby - you can tutor me, be my hot tutor..."

Sirius turned in his arms and looped his own around Remus's waist in return. 

"I can certainly find myself a pair of tortoise shell blue-light glasses... "

Remus grinned a slow, filthy smile. "...Sit me down at the dining table... Give me lessons in anatomy?"

"Aren't you the one who wants to be a teacher, baby?" Sirius asked with a smirk, pressing himself closer. 

Remus's eyes softened. He leaned his forehead against Sirius's as they naturally started to sway together, full of contentment and adoration.

"I don't know." he said softly, "You teach me what it means for my heart to hold more and more love each morning we wake up together..."

Sirius marveled, and not for the first time. At the man who, almost a year ago now, had felt so inaccessible to him; out of reach and far too perfect for all of his mess. At the fact that Remus had really been in his grasp all along and the fact that he was still there, swaying in Sirius's arms and saying these things that regularly made him have to pinch himself to check he was really awake. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd ever have someone to hold in his arms who would hold him back like Remus did. 

But the dream continued into reality, and was all the more for its tangibility. Because through rain storms and panic attacks and migraines and complicated family and friendship dynamics they had found and kept each other close. Their slice of this life could throw it all their way now, and they'd face it. Together. It could hurt them and take from them as long as it left them this; their little family.

Their little forever.

And you can tell everybody this is your song.

It may be quite simple but now that it's done; 

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world...