Chapter Text
Tim sat up so fast he had to brace himself against the couch so that he didn’t face plant into a puddle of regurgitated coffee. Once he steadied himself he realized he had no idea where to go from here.
“What’s happening kid? I sent you a message but you didn’t even read it, and I knocked for like ten minutes once I got here.” Jason asked, closing the door behind himself and glancing around the empty penthouse.
The younger boy took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, when Jason evidently spotted the vomit. “What the fuck? D’ya have a concussion? Did you even go out last night? Don’t you know better than to try and do your concussion watch by yourself?” He shot out rapid-fire.
Tim stood shakily and rolled his eyes, heading into the kitchen and pulling out a towel and cleaner from the cabinet under the sink. “I don’t have a concussion, no I didn’t go out last night, and obviously I know you can’t concussion-watch yourself Jason- despite what you might think, I’m not an idiot.”
Jason blocked his way towards the mess and looked him up and down.
Tim was shaking and pale. His lips were chapped and he had deep bags under his eyes, which were only broken up by the puffy red rings that displayed a decent representative of how long he’d cried for. His face was coated in those tacky tears and his hair looked like he’d been pulling on it for a long time. The boy was staring determinedly at the window behind Jason and he had the towel and spray bottle clutched so hard his knuckles had gone white.
The man softened a little, “You get yourself sick?”
Of course, Tim just stepped around the man and bared his teeth in a bitter facsimile of a smile. “Not in anyway that matters Todd.” He crouched down and held his breath as he cleaned up the vomit, spraying the floor and scrubbing some more with a second towel.
“What’s that supposed to mean Timbo? You’re either sick or not kid.” Jason sent another, sharper, glance around the apartment. His vision stuttered over the shattered mug, it was red and had writing on it at some point, but it was illegible now.
“No, I’m not sick Jason. Did you need something- I’m sorry to have ignored you I was a little preoccupied.” Tim steadfastly ignored any tension in the room and walked back to the kitchen. He deposited the spray bottle under the counter once more and dumped the used towels in a hall hamper. Then he opened a nearby door revealing a closet full of blankets and larger cleaning supplies. He pulled out a broom and dustpan then turned back towards the shattered coffee mug.
Once more the man stepped into the younger’s path. “Sure seems like it kiddo- listen is everything alright?”
Tim tensed even further then sighed loud and long. “Listen to me Jason, we don’t have to do this okay? You’re gonna ask what’s wrong with me, I’m going to avoid the question- then we’ll do that until you’ve felt like you did your due diligence. After that you’ll accept what I said the first time and ask for whatever favor you came here for.” The boy glared up at Jason and gestured that he should move, he did not. “It doesn’t matter and I promise, I’m not going to go whine to Dick or Bruce that you ignored my duress or something- hell if they ask I’ll lie and tell them we had a real heart to heart and fleshed out our entire sordid, bloody history to a nice storybook resolution.”
Jason took a step back and grabbed the boy by the shoulders carefully, “So you’re under duress then?”
He yanked himself backwards and let out a wordless shriek, before muttering to himself as he pushed around the older man and began to sweep. “Fuck why not, of course this is gonna happen- goddamnit, it might as well.”
Jason watched him warily, like someone watches a loose lion or a person a little too close to the edge of a building. “Look Pre- Tim, I’m obviously not someone you wanna be talkin’ to- and no one gets that more than me! But I can’t leave you alone like this, is there someone I can call? Dickiebird? Maybe Blondie? Hell, I’ll get the clone on the line if it’ll help ya, just tell me what I can do ta’ help right now, okay?”
Tim laughed bitterly, leaning down to pick up the dustpan then walking and dumping it in the trash. He dropped both items on the floor in the kitchen before storming into the living room and gesturing towards the leather chair across from the couch that he collapsed on in a pile of disjointed limbs. “Whatever Jason, you’re already here and this can’t get much worse honestly- so y’know take a seat! You need a drink or anything, or can I lay here and stare at the ceiling as I rerun my top ten worst mistakes and do the math to figure out how all of that ended up with us here in my shitty apartment on a fucking Saturday morning?”
The man in question edged around the kitchen counter and tentatively sat on the leather chair, “What’s up then? You said you didn’ go out last night, right?”
Tim muttered angrily, “I’m never going to live this down fuck- should just send a fucking group email and get it over with,” before rolling his head to stare at Jason, who had his boots toed off onto the ground next to the chair and a leg propped up on the coffee table between them.
Jason sat and waited through the grumbling, maintaining a faintly concerned expression the entire time.
“You really want to do this?” Tim finally sighed like it had been forced out of him.
The other merely shrugged and leaned back into the chair, “What else would I be doin’ huh?”
“Anything?” The boy laughed out before rolling his eyes and taking in a deep breath. “Fine, I’d tell you not to laugh but it isn’t like it matters, so here goes nothing I guess.”
Tim stared up at the ceiling and ignored how tense his entire body was, he stared up at the ceiling and ignored how obvious that tension probably was to Jason. “I’m lonely.”
The boy liked to imagine the silence hung like a gunshot in the air, but it didn’t- he knew what those sounded like.
“You’re lonely.” Jason repeated with no intonation whatsoever.
Tim shrugged and resolutely stared at the ceiling some more, “Yup, go ahead then let's get this over with sooner rather than later.”
Jason frowned and dropped his leg from the table, leaning forward; “Get what over with kid? D’ya want a hug? No offense but that didn’t seem like something you were interested in earlier.”
He sat up on the couch, “Jason don’t be an idiot,” he gestured widely with his hands between the two of them, “the laughter, the jokes, the- I don’t know Todd, texting everyone we both know and a few people we don’t for good measure! Whatever it is you’re gonna do with this!”
Jason stared for a long moment, “Listen- I know I’ve been an ass, especially to you, but this isn’t funny. You fuckin’ threw up because of it, you’ve obviously been crying, none of that is funny Tim.” The older boy pinched the bridge of his nose, “Why didn’t you call someone- actually how do you get so lonely you puke? Is this something Bruce knows about?
Tim gaped for a long moment before letting out a sharp, angry sounding laugh. “This isn’t funny? That’s the line for you Todd? If I actually cry about it then it isn’t funny anymore, shit if I’d known it was this easy to get you to act like a person around me I’d’ve dealt with this ages ago!”
The older boy flinched back like he’d been hit, “Tim I-“
He was interrupted, “No don’t act like you give a shit Jason! Not even twenty fucking minutes ago you were calling me Pretender, this is the most you’ve said my actual goddamn name in the entire time we’ve known each other. You asked asshole, I told you- knowing full well the consequences.” He breathed heavily for a minute before continuing slightly softer, “I get that you don’t give a shit about me, not in any way that matters. I know you think I’m a naive idiot Jason, but don’t pretend you want to know for any reason other than having a leg up on this weird one-sided pissing match- remember I’m the Pretender, only one of us steals titles.”
Jason curled in on himself, breathing deeply before staring off to the left of the boy across from him. “Alright, I think I fucked this up- um Tim listen I sorta thought you’d just know since I guess there hadn’t been any fights to the death for awhile and we uh- coexisted when necessary.” He shored his shoulders and turned to look the younger in the eyes, “I don’t hate you, okay? You’re not stupid or naive, I uh- I thought we were uh bein’ friendly- which yeah I shoulda known better it’s not like I ever actually apologized ta’ you. Fuck.”
Tim blinked, standing up and backing towards the window side of the living room. “Jason Peter Todd this is not funny, you- you got your fucking blackmail I- what the fuck do you want from me? Fuck off, did Dick tell you? Was it Bruce? Surely you’ve got better things to do with your time?” His voice broke halfway through, “Who thought this was a funny fucking joke?”
Jason went pale, “Shit- no kid this isn’t a fucking joke! I- who would? Why would that be fucking funny? Holy shit kid,” the man stood up just as quickly, shooting forward and pulling Tim into a hug. “Shit, I’m sorry- I don’t, I don’ know what to do here kid, please.”
Tim bit back a sob, tensing his whole body away from the hug. He desperately forced out; “If this is a joke I need you to leave right now- please Jason, you win okay? G-good one alright? You can go and uh, and tell ev- everyone how I fell for it al- alright?”
He leaned back, holding the boy steady in his arms. “Tim, Tim I’m not kiddin’ please- I just, whaddya need ta’ know I’m serious?” Jason begged frantically, “D’ya want an apology? Cause I’m sorry kid, I’m so fucking sorry for all of it alright? You didn’t deserve a goddamn bit of it and it never shoulda happened, not at all and not to you.”
Tim shook in his hold, just barely whispering “You don’t mean that, Jason you don’t mean that okay? I was- I was a shitty replacement an- and a useless Robin that was- wasn’t even a decent placeholder for the next one okay? Do- don’t say shit like that to me Jason, if it was ever funny it definitely isn’t now, okay? I don’t know what you want me t- to say!” He whined out anxiously.
If possible, Jasons’ face crumpled further. “No kid, I don’t- I’m not makin’ fun of ya. Don’t say shit like that Tim, you were a great Robin an’ I was lucky ta’ have you as a successor, okay?”
The boy collapsed, leaning fully against Jason as his sobs returned with a vengeance and his breathing rocketed up in speed.
Jason pulled the boy into his arms and lowered them both onto the floor, “Shit uhm- shh, you’re okay Tim- deep breathes C’mon. It’ll be okay, c’mere kid I’ve got ya.”
Tim whined and leaned into the hold so hard his head ached, and Jason began to run a hand through his hair. “You’ll be okay, s’all fine. I know Tim, I know- it’s a lot right now. Just breathe with me c’mon in and out you’ve got it.”
Tim struggled and shook and cried for a long time, he tried to pull back from the older man but Jason just kept holding him and talking through the panic.
Eventually he began to follow Jason’s voice, managing a choked inhale through his sobs every now and then until slowly, painfully, the panic began to ease.
Jason just continued to mutter reassurances like it was nothing, “There you go, there he is, you’re doing so good. Here we are, you’re right here with me and nobodies gonna hurt you, I’ve got ya kid- just take it easy.”
Tim slowly stiffened as he came back into himself. He was curled up in Jasons lap, with his head shoved under the older mans’ chin and his face buried in his neck. His hands were gripping the back of Jasons’ jacket like he belonged there and there were half dried tears all over the both of them. Jason had his arm wrapped around him and his other hand was running though his hair. Casually, he pressed a kiss onto the top of Tims’ hair, still speaking softly throughout it all.
He forced his hands free and yanked himself out of the elder's arms, nearly falling backwards, except Jason caught him easily. “Hey, hey you’re okay Tim- it's fine I’ll let you up just be careful.”
Tim scrambled backwards until he was pressed against the window like he’d been sitting earlier this morning. He scrubbed a hand up and down his face, refusing to look at the older man he’d just been crying on for who knows how long.
Jason let him, hands held up in acquiesce. “D’ya need a drink? Some food?”
Tim kept his hands in place and firmly did not look at Jason. Reluctantly he muttered, “Water’s fine, there are bottles in the pantry.”
He stood slowly then turned around and headed towards the kitchen. Jason opened the pantry door next to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. He gave the younger a moment to collect himself before heading back into the living room and dropping to the floor across from him.
“Here, drink the first one slowly.”
Tim didn’t look up but he took the bottle and cracked the seal. He took small sips in silence for a heavy few moments before finally glancing through his bangs at the other boy.
Jason was sitting on the ground with his legs sprawled out in front of him, he had a second water bottle on his left and was leaned back on his right hand. He wasn’t watching Tim drink head on, instead staring out the window behind the boy with only the occasional glance to check his progress through the water. Stretched out across Tims’ floor, Jason looked so much like Robin that it hurt to breathe.
Eventually Tim finished the first water bottle, and Jason handed him the second without hesitation. “Drink as fast as ya like, just finish it.”
And so he did, he drank in silence for a few more minutes and pretended that he had any idea what was going to happen next.
After he got a solid amount of water in him, Jason cleared his throat.
Tim tensed in a way that was unfortunately quite visible to Bats, but Jason soldiered on anyways. “Listen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you when it was clear somethin’ was up, and I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done that’d make you think I’d make such a shitty joke. I get it if you don’t believe me or want ta’ see me again, I just- Tim you’ve gotta know that right now I’m serious, yeah?”
He shuddered, and Tim winced. “I- fuck Jason you don’t need to- m’sorry.” He exhaled sharply, “None of this was your problem and I didn’t mean to make such a scene but you know me. I uh- I overreacted okay? That’s not your fault. You uh- you just caught me at a bad time and had to deal with my fits, but its no big deal okay?” Tim chewed his lip and shoved his face into his knees muttering to himself; “Fuck this is embarrassing.”
The older of the two flinched like he’d been shot this time, “Tim can you look at me a minute?”
The boy reluctantly looked up and Jason let out a wobbly smile before continuing, “Ya don’t need ta’ be embarrassed okay kid? You had a panic attack, probably two judging by the vomit from earlier- and that shit just happens sometimes okay? Especially in our line of work.”
Tim shook his head and smiled tightly, “Not really Jason, I’ve kinda always been like this. But thank you anyways.”
“Tim, listen to me okay? Just to the words I’m saying.” Jason responded through grit teeth, “That shit happens sometimes and it isn’t your fault. You got that? People have panic attacks, especially kids in high stress situations 24/7 so this isn’t some sparing your feelings bullshit- when have you even known me to do that anyways?”
The younger laughed ruefully, “Apparently right after I have a breakdown in your lap.”
Jason snorted but shook his head, “I’m bein’ dead serious Tim okay? And-“ he hesitated but powered through, “I’m bein’ serious when I tell you I’m sorry.”
Tims' face went red and he looked off to the side, “Yeah alright Jason, I get it. I’m sorry I had a fucking episode all over you about it or whatever.”
Jason raised an eyebrow, “I’m not sure you do get it kid, but I can explain.” He bit the inside of his cheek and started, “I’m sorry I attacked you- each time Tim. You didn’t deserve any o’ that and I shoulda known better. I said and did a lot of shit to you, and I blamed you for a lot of shit that wasn’t your fault. I was running high and fast on the Pit, and I’m not sayin’ that as an excuse cause it isn’t one. I’m telling you that so you know I was dead fuckin’ wrong when I said that shit to you.”
He continued, “You’re not a pretender or a replacement or a fuckin’ placeholder. You were a damn good Robin and I meant it when I told you I was lucky to have you as a successor. I mean shit kid, even beat seven ways to hell on the Pit I still wanted you as my Robin.”
Tim hesitated and glared at the floor near his feet. “You- you don’t have to say all this Jason. I know you don’t want to kill me and I get that in your right mind you wouldn’t’ve attacked me. But-“ he trailed off before looking up helplessly and whispering, “you don’t like me Jason.”
He grimaced, “To be honest Tim, I don’t really know you. The only things I know about you are what Talia told me and what I’ve heard from everyone else in this shitty family.” Jason smiled crookedly, “But from what everyone who’s actually met you says about you? I’d be stupid not to like you kid.”
Tim curled up and grit his teeth, “I know that isn’t true, I mean c’mon man- who the fuck are you talking to? I don’t know if you know this Jason,” he began bitterly, “but I’m an asshole. I’m a petty, manipulative, cold-hearted little shit and the only reason Bruce has kept me on retainer at this point is because I’d be too hard to beat as a rogue.”
Jason blinked for a moment “Kid, how’d you become Robin? Why’d ya’ do it?”
The boy in question hesitated over the non-sequitur. “… I blackmailed B with proof of his identity and stole the suit?”
“Okay, and why’d you even do it? What was the point? If you’d known for years why then?”
“Jason what are you going on about? You know why, because I had to!” Tim snapped bitterly.
Jason snorts through his nose, “No you didn’t, Tim you didn’t have to do shit- you coulda gone on your merry way with your parents and your pictures.”
He glares belligerently, “No I couldn’t’ve! Bruce was going insane, he woulda killed somebody or himself- whichever came first.” Tim sighs, losing steam. “I had to because he would’ve proven the Joker right, he would’ve destroyed your legacy until it was nothing more than the last straw that ruined Batman.”
He smiles sadly and shrugs, “But why did that matter to you kid? Why not make it someone else’s problem?”
Tim sighs loudly and knocks his head against the glass behind him. “It mattered to me because my pictures of Batman and Robin were all I had- is that what you want to hear? That I forced my way in, not for any noble reason like /Batman needs a Robin/, but because I was a clingy kid who didn’t want to see his happiest memories ruined like everything else.”
“You’re selling yourself short with that summary kiddo,” Jason leaned forward braced on his legs, “I think the reason you took up the R was because you believed in what we stood for and you didn’t want it ruined for good. I think you knew that your pictures got you as far as they could and Robin got sad kids farther than they thought they’d ever make it, and that shouldn’t be taken away from them just because shitty people exist.”
The younger boy stared at his feet sullenly, “Who cares Jason? I was a lonely, naive kid sticking my nose in a grieving fathers’ business because I never learned boundaries- does it matter why I did it?”
Jason let out a sudden laugh, “Of course it matters Tim! You’re the only one of us who took up Robin because you thought other people needed you to do it. Dickie wanted his parents murderer gone and was willing to keep on doing that for others only after he got justice, I wanted to feel helpful and important even though I had shitty parents and a shitty past and then I decided I needed to prove what kids like me could do, Steph wanted it so she could prove to herself that she was more than what B an’ everyone else told her, hell even the brat wanted the R just ‘cause o’ blood ties and he’s only just now starting to do it to help people.” Jason ran a hand through his hair, “Kid you looked at a hero from legend who was goin’ off the deep end publicly and decided that it couldn’t go any further- and then you made it happen even when it was fucking terrible. You don’t do that shit because you’re a fucking optimist- you do it ‘cause you know what’s right and you aren’t willing to let shit slide.”
Tim opened and closed his mouth silently, staring at his predecessor with wide, glassy eyes. Eventually he mumbled out, “That sounds a lil’ different than cuckoo bird.”
He sighs sadly, letting his head hang. “Yeah, yeah it does kid. I was fucking wrong, okay? I was angry and scared, an’ I didn’t wanna admit that life went on without me just ‘cause that’s how life works. I saw this determined little wisp of a thing that looked at every fracture line my greek tragedy left and decided to do damage control and it scared me.”
“I didn’t ever wanna replace you, I wasn’t even s’possed to stay Robin forever- I was gonna give it to the next kid once Bruce found someone better or he got a little better” Tim forced out slowly, like he was tasting the words. “I guess Bruce or Dick didn’t tell you, huh?”
Jason cocked his head at the boy, “What’re you- oh. Kid I don’t know what they coulda told me that would make lying about an apology funny.”
He shrugged and mumbled something too quiet to be heard.
Jason stared at the boy, watching as his face slowly went red and his shoulders hunched. He forced out “Didn’t catch that kiddo” through some uncomfortable mixture of bemusement and trepidation.
Tim squared his shoulders but stared at his feet. “I took pictures of everyone, obviously. I started ‘round the end of Dicks’ run- got all the greatest hits of Batgirl and Boy Wonder, caught a few good shots of Batman figuring out he had a child that he’d die for in real time- but uh, well.” He hesitated but pushed through like a man to the gallows, “Well I’ve got the most shots of you. All my best work, all my favorites, just most of my pictures- were you.”
The older boy nodded slowly, “Sure, I mean you musta’ been tiny when Dickiebird started out. It only makes sense that you’d get better as you got older so it woulda been odd if they weren’t Tim- what’s that got to do with anything?”
He shook his head, “No- I mean yeah I was like nine when I started with Dicks’ Robin, and I followed you from like ten to twelve but that’s not what I mean.” Tim shuddered and mumbled to himself, “I can’t believe you’re making me say it out loud, oh god.” He took a deep breath and finally looked at Jason. “I went out maybe once every two weeks with Dick, not because I couldn’t do it more, just ‘cause. When you started on Robin though? I started going out every other night. I mean fuck Jay, I used to only go out when there was nobody to notice I was gone and I was really careful about covering my tracks and doing well in school and shit- but when you started? I even went out the few times when my parents were home, I was so excited just to see you out there doing good.”
Jason let out a low wounded sound, “Tim…”
“Jason, your Robin was why any of that shit mattered to me. Of course I cared before, but not like when it was you.” Tim laughed self-consciously and ducked his head “I hacked my school records, convinced my parents I should go to school in town, I mean- Jason I thought of you as my Robin. I think I have an encoded notebook that I used when I was like eleven where I write, verbatim, /my Robin is the best hero in the world, Batman sure is lucky to have him/, so yeah you can see how hearing that you actually thought we could be friends might seem like a cruel joke.”
He blinked tears back rapidly, rocking forward onto his knees to stop right in front of Tim, “Can I- baby bird can I hug you?”
“You want to?” Tim asked in a quiet voice.
“Yes, absolutely”
And the boy barely got a chance to nod before Jason had him yanked forward against him, arms clasped so tightly around him that Tim could feel his bones creak. Jason held him desperately with his face hidden in the younger mans’ hair and his whole body folded over him. “I’m sorry Tim, fuck- you were a good kid and a great Robin alright?”
Tim pressed his face into the mans’ shirt and took deep breaths. Ever so slowly he relaxed into the hold until eventually; he didn’t notice the awkward angle, or the way his sweatpants were bunched around his legs because of how he’d been yanked, or even how his tears were leaking into the shirt below him. Tim pressed his face into Jason and gripped the man equally as hard.
They sat like that for a long time, Jason held Tim until their legs were numb and the floor was uncomfortable. At which point the older boy just barely loosened his hold, politely ignoring how Tim only burrowed further, and leaned backwards. He pulled the boy with him, until Jason was sitting in the middle of the floor with Tim tugged into his lap and his arms encircling the boy with only slightly less desperation.
Tim croaked out cautiously from his place within the hold but didn’t look up, “Hey Jason?”
“Hmm?”
“If I’d’ve called you today, and asked if we could just uh- just talk, would you have come?”
Jason pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Yeah baby bird, I think I woulda.”
And from the safety of his Robins’ hold Tim let loose a wobbly, genuine smile.