Chapter Text
"Drowning is peaceful, to the bystanders."Bedelia用缓慢的语速说。“The vocal cord shuts down reflexively to keep water out, preventing the drowning one from screaming. Do you feel like screaming, Will?”
“I could use a good scream.”
“Then scream.”
“I'm afraid that once I started, I would't be able to stop."
"Why does it have to be stopped?"
Will抬起头，看着对面的医生。她面前的小桌上摆着精致的红酒酱配腰肉，依旧没有开动。
“在退休之前，你接过多少Hannibal转诊的病人？”他冷冷地问。“除了那个在你面前'咬舌自尽'的之外。”
“A few.”
“然后你对他们都开出了一样的处方？The same as Dr Lecter's？”
“Not always.”
“How convenient, Bedelia. 沿用着Hannibal的方子，治疗着同样的病人。就为了等待结束之后，你好能跟他品着红酒，洋洋得意地谈论这些可怜鬼是如何刚出龙潭，又入虎穴的？”
“我不与Hannibal讨论他的患者，无论新旧。医患保密协议。我只会跟他讨论，他对于这些前患者的感受。”Bedelia的目光像一道有形的射线扫过Will的全身，从头至脚。“当然，在我们最后的一段时光里，位于这个话题中心的患者，通常只有一位。”
Will的喉头吞咽了一下。
“巴尔的摩？还是，佛罗伦萨？”
"Both. You do realize that you're his favorite topic of conversation. Will. Will. Will. What you'd thought. What you'd done. What you'd become."
"What have I become?"
"That I can not say for certain."Bedelia垂下眼睛，拿起了刀叉，熟练地切下一小块腰肉，放入口中。“Are you drowning because you still question your nature, or the lack of it?”
Will沉默下来。房间里只剩下Bedelia咀嚼的声音。她有着缓慢而优雅的进食习惯，几乎不会发出什么声响。
“你认为......”Will迟疑地开口。“Hannibal对我使用过什么精神操纵手法吗？”
Bedelia挑起一根眉毛。
“Recently.” Will补充道。“After the fall.”
“Hannibal is always manipulating people around him. 但鉴于你还能问出这个问题，我猜，大概率没用什么强制性的手段。”Bedelia偏了偏头。“你见识过他的能耐，之前那个FBI的女探员。我听说她至今都没能修正记忆。理智上，她知道自己所见到切萨皮克开膛手不是Dr Chilton，但在潜意识中，Hannibal精心植入的观念让她无法从内心相信这个事实。”
“Why didn't he?” Will埋下头，双手揪住自己的头发。“Might as well shoot me with some magic drugs and be done with it.”
"Perhaps leaving you with the illusion of free will is part of the fun. What Hannibal enjoys most is never coercion, but persuasion. He loves to influence people into doing something unorthodox, yet, in his mind, true to one's nature."
"Influence works best only when we are unaware."
"And you are very aware."
“Meaning？”
“Meaning either Hannibal knows yourself better than you do, or you know yourself better than your consciousness cares to admit. ”Bedelia停下手中的动作，抬起头。“你有足够的机会来离开，Will，你却没有。你有足够的时间去接受，但你也没有。抛妻弃子，背井离乡，你陪他走到了这一步，却依旧徘徊在中间，左右为难。你如此犹豫不定，到底真的是被原则所困，还是由于另外某种彻底不同的理由？”
“Like what？”
“比如担心你如果真的如Hannibal所愿，俯首贴耳，他是否还会保留对你的兴趣？”Bedelia的声音不高，却一字一句锋利如刃。“我在不少患者身上见到过类似的负性治疗反应，几段疗程过后，进程却突然停滞不前。阻抗的来源不再是原始的情结，反而转化成了对于治疗师的依赖。”
Will短促地笑了两声。“Now you are telling jokes, Bedelia.”
"All right. ”她耸了耸肩。“那么只剩下另一种解释，你现在的状态正是Hannibal所希望实现的目标。”
“他希望我徘徊犹豫，左右为难？”
“He wants you to be distressed. He wants you pliable. Hannibal’s object has always been degradation and suffering. He comes in the guise of a mentor, but it's the distress that excites him. The damage he sees suggests the damage he could do."
Bedelia的眼神飘向Will卷起的衣袖下方，暴露在外的小臂上。几根新鲜的和陈旧的疤痕末端露了出来，血管般爬行在皮肤表面。Will下意识扭动了一下，放下衣袖，用另一只手隔布攥住伤口。
“如果他的目的果真如此，那他的确成功了。”他闷闷地说，心中升起一种熟悉的阻滞感。他攥紧了手指，用沉闷的钝痛提醒自己，时至今日他不应该依旧感到惊讶，他知道Hannibal在某种程度上一直在试图影响他，同时也知道自己一直在试图挣扎。但如果连自己的挣扎都是在满足Hannibal的癖好，这个认知显然不那么令人愉悦。
“别太丧气。你不是唯一一个被Hannibal引以为豪的心理操作所影响的人。事实上，他对你如此着迷的原因或许就在于，你的抗争比其他任何人都坚持地更久。”
Bedelia举起配餐的高脚杯，向他象征性地举了举杯。望着面前的女人，Will突然升起了兴趣。
“Hannibal当初希望从你身上实现的目标是什么？”他问。“Did you fight？”
“你我之间的不同，Will，或许就在这里。”Bedelia顿了顿。“I don't fight him. Not even once.”
"What do you do then? Simply roll over and take it?"
Bedelia轻笑起来，没有在意Will尖锐的用词。
“I ask him, nicely.”
"And?"
"And he usually agrees. Maybe you should try it sometimes."
"I did."Will干巴巴地说。“I said please.”
"And?"
数秒的沉默，然后。
“He agreed.”
他们看着对方，再次陷入了沉默。窗外，正下着这个冬天的第一场雪。纷纷扬扬的细碎雪花洒落下来，被风裹挟着，在离地面数米的地方打着旋儿。房间的窗户开着一条小缝，Will所坐的沙发旁边。几颗米粒大小的雪钻了进来，还未来得及落至地面，就已经消失不见。
“How did you imagine your relationship would end in Florence?”Will开口问。“Had I never showed up.”
Bedelia将用过的餐具摆好，推至一边，然后拉过一张羊绒毛毯，裹紧了上身。
“Hannibal was intending to make a meal of me, that part was for sure. Had fed me oysters and acorns for months, so I could marinated long enough for his taste. He had no intention of doing it hastily, which gave you time to chase him down.”她瞟了一眼他。“为此，也许我欠你一声谢谢。”
Will不为所动。
“And you never tried to run? Knowing what you were facing?”
"You are not running now."
"Hannibal isn't planning to eat me now."
Bedelia抬起嘴角，露出了她那高深莫测的笑容。With that smile, she looks like a witch.
"Hannibal有跟你提起过他有个妹妹吗？”
“有过。”惊讶于Bedelia对于Hannibal的熟悉程度，Will心中不由自主地升起了一丝妒意。他对于这个妹妹的了解，几乎都是来自于几次极其亲密的对话中Hannibal吐露的寥寥数语。几乎是证明性地，他说出了她的名字。“Mischa.”
Bedelia点点头。
“Mischa, the very person who is so deeply embedded in Hannibal's heart that I would argure his mind palace is built on her. Might even shape Hannibal into who he is. Do you know what happened to her？”
“我知道她去世很早......在Hannibal很小的时候。”Will迟疑了。“我知道她对他很重要。”
“What his sister made him feel was beyond his conscious ability to control or predict.”
“Or negotiate."
"Or negotiate." Bedelia再次点点头。"And I would suggest what you makes him feel is not dissimilar."
即便是在这种时刻，Will的心跳也依旧为着接下来可能的话语而开始不由自主地开始加速。他想起了自己在Bedelia的诊室中向她提出的问题。他不明白她为何突然提起这个话题，但他依旧为之而感到紧张雀跃。
"What do I make him feel?" 除了些许的沙哑外，他成功保持住了语气。
"Love." 这一次，Bedelia没有迂回。“A force of mind and circumstance."
Will直愣愣地看着她，感受着自己爆发的心率。直到她说出下一句话。
"And he ate her for it."
Will眨了眨眼睛。
"What?"
"You heard me."
窗外的风呼啸作响，穿过树梢发出呜咽般的哭号。但这一切依旧比不上Will脑中震耳欲聋的风暴。
“But, he," 他几乎无法说出一句完整的话来。"......Why?"
"我以为这是你的专业领域，推演一个psychopath的心理路程。"
"但是......"
但是Hannibal在为数不多的几次对话中提起她时，总是充满了怜惜，充满了哀伤，充满了......爱。对于如此珍贵的存在，他怎么会？
突然间，Will重新站在了古巴奢华的酒店房间中，站在了窗边。夜色初降，巨幅的格瓦拉霓虹头像在远处闪耀。Hannibal的面孔隐在黑暗中，锋利的眉弓和颧骨反射着微弱的光，如同一颗覆着皮的骷髅。Will抬起手，试图触摸那具冰封般的躯体，而混杂在愤怒中的悲伤却一闪而过，藏进了重叠的幻象背后。Nothing happened to me, Will, I happened. Will原以为Hannibal的悲愤是针对于那些夺取了他的家人的士兵，却没想到，也许那道一闪而过的罕见的情绪波动，是针对他自己？一个至亲至爱，令Hannibal如此疼惜的人，到底要做出什么，才会让Hannibal选择吃掉她？
“因为......”Will的声音在颤抖。“因为她背叛了他？”
Bedelia似乎为他的敏锐而感到了些许惊讶，但瞬间便恢复了神态。
“Mischa didn't betray him. But in Hannibal's mind, she would influence him to betray himself."
"So he ate her."
"So he could forgive her."
"Hannibal forgave me."
"He forgave you once. Do you intend to betray him a second time, Will?"
"If I do......"Will的声音弱了下去，仿佛一艘纸船，缓缓沉入水面。
“If past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, there is only one way for Hannibal to forgive you......"Bedelia的声音纤细却清晰。
"He will have to eat me."