Chapter Text
Oliver
Oliver Wood knows Percy Weasley. He knows him like the air in his lungs and the blood in his veins; knows him like the grass of the Quidditch pitch and the lowlight of the Library; like the touch of a hand on his, feathersoft but firm.
Oliver knew Percy liked his tea with too much sugar, and that he pushed his glasses up with his knuckles instead of his fingertips. He knew that he hated Clyde Clifroy and Gilderoy Lockhart and much preferred Edgar Poe and Emily Dickinson. He knew that when Percy was a kid (and even still now), he'd been absolutely obsessed with anything and everything to do with water creatures. He knew that Percy had a soft spot for his neighbor, Mr. Lovegood, who everyone said went batty after his wife died and left him to raise their daughter alone. Percy thought the man was odd but had longsince declared it part of his charm. Oliver even knew that sometimes the world got to be too much for Percy's brain — too loud, too bright, too quiet all at once — and it would essentially shut off because it was too overstimulated and couldn't comprehend anything that was happening around him.
The point was, Oliver knew Percy.
And today was a bad day.
—————
Percy
Sometimes Percy knows it's not going to be a good day. He knows the second he opens his eyes and feels the heaviness of his limbs, the energy seemingly bled from his bones and his muscles, making his body feel like dead weight. Those mornings, much like today, make him sigh and curl up in bed, pulling the covers over his head. He doesn't want to speak and isn't sure he even could if he tried. There's a weight on his chest, comforting yet uncomfortable at the same time. Like he needs to move but can't make his body respond.
Thankfully, Oliver and Penny have developed a system for days like today.
He's got History of Magic, Herbology, and Transfiguration before lunch followed by Arithmancy, Magical Theory, and Ancient Runes after. Oliver will take notes for the morning classes and Penny the afternoon. The three of them are always joined at the hip, so it's unsettling to see the trio cut down to two. By now the teachers have realized that when Penny and Oliver show up to class without their other half, they'll be taking twice the notes. And so, on those days, they're a little more lenient when Penny leaves class a few minutes too early or when Oliver is just a few minutes late to class.
When Oliver rolled out of bed that morning and Percy — who Oliver knew was wide awake and probably had been for quite some time —didn't even twitch, he knew it was a bad day. And when Oliver showed up to breakfast without him after failing to successfully coax Percy out of bed or do anything more than simply blink, Penelope knew it was a bad day.
The worst part about these days is that Percy doesn't feel anything. He sees the worry in his eyes, sees him blink up at the ceiling to rid them of the tears no doubt building up. He watches Oliver swallow and presumably clear his throat, watches him sign words of comfort and love.
But Percy isn't comforted.
And he.
Doesn't.
Feel.
Anything.
When he was little and Uncle Fabian was still alive, Percy remembers days where he would curl up on the couch and not move for hours or even days at a time. He remembers Uncle Gideon and his mother trying to coax Uncle Fabian to do literally anything and failing. He wonders if this is how his uncle felt on those days.
Percy feels dead inside. As if all the sadness and anger and joy inside him was torn to shreds and scattered in the wind. Everything feels distant, like it's miles away from him and he's watching it all through a muggle telly.
He hates that he feels this way.
When Percy gets like this, Penny and Oliver cover for him and they try to pretend it doesn't affect their school work or their mood but Percy sees the essay Penny got a Poor on because she spent what time she should have been using to write it on taking notes for Percy. He sees the test Oliver got a Troll on because he spent more time worrying about Percy than he did studying. The bags under their eyes are caused by the weight of Percys problems and when the realization that he's causing them sinks in, he feels sick with guilt.
Sometimes he thinks that it'll be okay if he pretends for awhile like he doesn’t want to claw off his skin or suffocate in his sleep. If he acts like everything's okay then Penny won't fail that test for Transfiguration and Oliver won't blow up his Wiggenwald potion or get bit by the Nippingblooms in Herbology. If Percy stopped being like this then Penny and Oliver would be okay.
If only it were that easy.
But wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere.
—————
Penelope
Seeing Percy like this makes something knot in her chest. It feels like vines full of sharp thorns are slowly squeezing her heart until she can't breathe from the ache of it.
Oliver shows up to breakfast without Percy and the hope that maybe Percy's just fallen behind fizzles as Oliver shakes his head, eyes bright. He sits next to her and for once they don't speak. Penny opens her mouth to crack a joke, to say something to dissipate the tension in the air but nothing comes out.
Instead, she makes them both a cup of Earl Grey and Oliver butters them some toast. Typically, Penny has jam and Oliver has marmalade but they can't muster up the energy or the words to ask for someone to pass them over. They sit there in silence — thick but comfortable — and eat their breakfast, hands interlocked tightly together on the bench between them.
They bring Percy up a cup of tea chock-full of sugar and some toast with butter and honey — just the way he likes. But he doesn't touch any of it
He doesn't touch the sandwich Penny brings him at lunch time nor the snickerdoodle cookies Oliver gets from the kitchens.
Percy doesn't acknowledge either of them. Not when Oliver pulls the blankets back over him; not when Penny presses a kiss to his forehead and brushes a hand through his curls; not even when they both curl up in bed with him for the rest of lunch.
Penny wishes Percy wasn't full of so much pain. She wants to hear him call her Penelope Aurora, wants to hear him scold her for leaving class early, wants to see him quirk his eyebrow and scowl and pinch the bridge of his nose when her and Oliver annoy him.
But Percy doesn't move a muscle and Penny's wishes wither to dust.
—————
Percy
It lasts for three days and when it finally ends, Percy's left feeling sluggish. But he returns to classes and sees Oliver and Penny's moods visibly brighten and so he tries to squash any lingering feelings of dread.
Today Percy has Potions right after breakfast. It's one of the classes they have with the Ravenclaws so Penelope joins him and Oliver at their table. He's feeling much better today, even managed to swallow down half a piece of toast and some tea even though the thought of eating made him nauseous. He can't do much about it as it's a lingering effect from his episodes.(That's what Penny had declared his bad days, much to Percys irritation and Olivers confusion. He's not sure it can be called an episode when it sometimes lasts for days at a time. But he's learned not to question Penny about anything medical since she started learning from Madam Pompfrey and helping around the infirmary.)
Even though he doesn't feel as detached as he was the past few days, he still finds himself spacing out and so misses most of what Professor Snape says at the beginning of the lesson.
"-ructions on the board. Begin."
A nudge from Oliver pops the mindless bubble Percy had found himself in and he blinks, confused. Before he can ask what they're brewing, Penny pipes up with the answer.
Elixirs. Specifically the one used to induce euphoria.
An itch settles under his skin and he absent-mindedly scratches his wrist. His eyes flick down to the scars there before he swallows and tugs his sleeve back, shoving his hands into his lap.
Oliver gets up to grab the ingredients for their potion and Penny sets about setting up their station, instructing Percy in what to hand her and where to put something. Like he's clueless, a child.
He knows Penny doesn't mean it that way but for a long moment, he's weighted down by the crushing realization that he'll always be a burden to everyone around him. The thought makes him sick.
Percy doesn't even realize that Oliver has sat back down or that Penny has boiled the water for their potion until Oliver reaches across him to hand something to Penny. Percy blinks, clears his throat softly, and sits up straighter.
"How can I help?," he asks, glancing between his two friends. They both look startled to see him speak but they smile nonetheless and instruct him what to do.
Percy is meticulous when it comes to his classwork, especially in Potions where one wrong move can have disastrous effects. Penny and Oliver on the other hand aren't as careful. They'll toss in their powdered bicorn horn without making sure there aren't any clumps left or stir an extra time because they lost count. Percy can count on one hand the amount of successful Potions the two of them have had. Potions isn't their strong suit — Oliver being better at Charms and Penny at Arithmancy.
Oliver has just added the sliced shrivelfig which means the porcupine quills and sophorous beans have already been added. Percy looks at the board and sees that the next thing to be added is crushed peppermint sprigs so he sets about doing just that while Penny stirs 5½ times counterclockwise. Percy crushes the peppermint sprigs while he listens to Penny hum and pours it in when she finishes.
This elixir isn't particularly complex but even so, Percy tries his hardest to keep his attention fixated on their potion. They have to let it come back to a low boil before they can add in the Fwooper feather and wormwood so Penny starts up a quiet conversation about the Jumping Beansprouts that Professor Sprout brought in. Apparently one of the first year Ravenclaws, Padma Patil, accidentally bumped into the table and spilled them everywhere.
Percy let's his lips quirk up in amusement as he listens. Penny's a terrible gossip and always has been. There isn't a thing that goes on in the castle that she doesn't know about.
"Whit? Mel an' Francis? Nae, I thought he wis wi' tha' Hufflepuff lassie an' she wis wi' Ramone?," Oliver whispers back, equally as shocked.
Percy's not even surprised that Oliver is joining Penny in her gossiping. Penny's a terrible gossip on her own but it's worse when Oliver joins. Those two could talk for ages and not get tired.
Soon enough their potion comes back to a low boil and Percy clears his throat, "Alright you torrid gossips, time to get back to work." He hears Penelope say something else instead and says, "Penelope Aurora, we have work to do so quit your gossiping."
He doesn't miss the sharp intake of breath from Oliver or small smile that crosses Penelopes face as she snarks, "Yes, mother," and sits up. Percy cuffs her upside the head, clucking his tongue as Oliver snickers.
When their potion is finished and their pouring it into vials, Professor Snape stands and addresses the class. "Who can tell me what elixirs are used for?" Most of the hands go up except Percy's, even though he knows the answer.
Professor Snape calls on a Ravenclaw boy who looks unsure as he answers, "well um elixirs are most commonly used to cure pain."
Professor Snape tuts, "vague answers will get you nowhere, Mr. Sharp. Anyone else want to disappoint me today?"
Most of the hands go down except Penny who is practically stood up as she waves her hand. Percy sees Professor Snape sigh as he calls on her, "Ms. Clearwater."
Penelope smiles and lowers her had before she speaks. "Exlirs can be used to prolong life, heighten or induce emotions, and help cure all ills — whether it be mental, emotional, or physical."
Professor Snape nodded, "Very good, Ms. Clearwater, 15 points to Ravenclaw. Good to know at least someone is paying attention in my class."
Penny beamed, ignoring the glares shot her way. Percy, once again, cuffed her round the back of the head when she stuck her tongue out at the trio of Ravenclaws sat in front of them. "Don't be immature, Penelope."
Oliver snorted, "Aye, Pen, dinnae be immature."
"That goes for you too, Oliver," Percy snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Before any of them could start bickering, Professor Snape spoke again.
"Mr. Wood, since you're busy bickering with your classmates, surely you can tell me what the Elixir to Induce Euphoria does—" Professor Snape continued, holding up a hand when Oliver opened his mouth, "—other than induce euphoria."
Percy remembers when Madam Pompfrey was teaching Penny about elixirs, it was the only thing she'd talked about for weeks. Percy, and even Oliver, could recite most elixirs and their effects in their sleep, due to that.
Oliver stood as he talked, "Th' Elixir tae Induce Euphoria influences a sense o' sudden unexplainable, irrational 'appiness with a single drink. Nae matter hoo' they waur feelin' prev'us tae drinkin' th' potion. Mind 'ealers tend tae prescribe 'em as an an'idepressant drug, short term coz it's an addictife potion lek a calmin' draught."
Antidepressant. Addictive. Drug.
Professor Snapes face twisted, like he'd bitten into a particulary sour lemon, "Correct, Mr. Wood, 10 points to Gryffindor. Stopper and label your potions and bring them to me."
Silence blanketed the room as everyone stared at Professor Snape.
He raised an eyebrow as he snapped, "Well? Are your brains too small to comprehend simple instructions?"
Clatter filled the room as everyone moved to obey.
Percy turns the vial over in his hand and he's struck by a sudden memory of Bill holding a vial just like it. He'd wanted to read with Bill but he found him sticking needles in his arm instead. Bill had screamed at him to get out. He was 8 at the time, just shy of turning 9, and he didn't understand what Bill was doing but he remembers.
Happiness. Single drink. Mind Healer.
Oliver and Penny are talking but the words don't make sense.
Antidepressant. Drug. Happiness.
"—rest to the storage cabinet and I—"
Drug. Addictive. Euphoria. Drug.
"—give Professor Snape our potion—"
I could just take it. Drink it. Be happy.
Dark circles under his eyes and no appetite, secrecy and lashing out.
Anything not to feel like this.
Their parents had been horrified to find out that Bill was an addict, something they hadn't known was happening right under their noses.
Euphoria. Euphoria. Eu-phor-ia.
Percy remembers the Mind Healer Bill had to see, something their parents used what little savings they had to pay for.
"-rcy. Percy. Percy!" Penelopes words cut through the buzzing in his ears, ripping him from the want bubbling up in his throat.
"What?" Percy asks, blinking at Penny.
"I need all the vials of our potion to hand in to Professor Snape," she says, gesturing to the one in his hand.
For a moment, his grip tightens and he doesn't want to give it to her. His chance at being happy and not feeling like this. It's in his grasp and it would be so easy to take it. One drink. That's all he'd need. He could stop after. Overwhelming desire crawls up his throat and it feels like he's choking on it, desperate to ease the dark settled in the back of his mind and the itch under his skin.
Drink it. Drink it. Drink itDrinkit. Drinkitdrinkitdrinkdri-
No.
The want is crushed by what happened to his brother. Percy remembers the screaming matches between Bill and their mother. The China cabinet accident. He remembers the scream of pure utter terror their father had let out when he'd found Bill passed out on the bathroom floor, marks littering his arm and a potion vial lying empty next to his still body.
That overdose was the catalyst and what finally caused Bill to get sober. And though it took him a few years full of therapy and relapses and meetings, he did it.
Even now after he's been sober for a little more than 4 years, Bill is overtly cautious about anything and everything.
Percy saw what drugs did to his brother and he won't end up like him.
Guilt twists his stomach and shame crawls up his throat as he hands over the vial of potion. It's his chance to stop feeling like this and he's letting it slip through his fingers.
But he breathes and does nothing, clenching his fists in his lap, nails biting into his palm as Penny turns their potion in and Oliver clears up the leftover ingredients and cleans their space.
"Your homework is a foot on the functionality of a Fwooper Feather and it's use in this potion. Class is dismissed. Now get out," Professor Snape snaps, gaze sweeping over the room and landing on Percy as students rush out. Their eyes lock and Percy feels like his thoughts and emotions are being laid bare, like Professor Snape is reading his soul as if it's an open book. Like he can tell that Percy wants to snatch back the potion and drink it to not feel like this.
He can't help but scratch at his wrist, the scars radiating a phantom itch. Professor Snapes eyes flick down to his hands and Percy abruptly stops, feeling like he's been doused in a cold Rain Charm.
Professor Snape opens his mouth like he's going to say something but his attention is caught by the group of Ravenclaws shoving each other by the door. "My classroom is not the place for you to be ruffians! Out! And that's 5 points from Ravenclaw! Each!," Professor Snape barks at them.
The Ravenclaws scramble out of the classroom and Percy takes his chance, letting Penny loop her arm through his as she drags him through the door, gossiping (once again) with Oliver.
Percy feels the eyes burning into his back but he keeps his head up and resolutely ignores it, sure that if he turns around, Professor Snape will ask him to stay behind.