Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Isabelle knocked gently against the door frame as she stuck her head into the office.

“Hey, Alec.”

Her brother glanced up from the paperwork he was doing. It was still odd seeing him look so Adult. While Alec had always been the responsible one in the family, Alec as Head of the Institute was on another level from the brother she’d grown up with. He was more sure of himself than she’d ever seen.

“Hey.” He smiled at her. “Do you need anything?”

Isabelle perched herself on the edge of his desk. “There are reports of demon activity in downtown Manhattan. Stacy offered to lead a team to look at it, but I thought it would be fun if we went instead. It’s been ages since we’ve gone out on a simple hunt together.”

Alec cringed, and Isabelle’s heart sank.

“I promised Magnus that I’d meet him for dinner,” Alec said. “That’s why I’m trying to get my paperwork out of the way now.”

Isabelle nodded like a bobblehead, trying to appear like she was entirely unaffected by the rejection.

“I understand.”

And she did. Alec had never been happier than he had been since he began seeing Magnus. With both Magnus and Alec living busy lives, they had to take what time together they could get. Plus, as Head of the Institute, Alec wasn’t expected to put as many hours into demon hunting as the rest of them because of his other responsibilities.

Still, it was hard not to feel the sting of rejection. With everything going on recently, she hadn’t had much time to go good, old-fashioned demon hunting with Alec, and she missed it. This lead had the promise of something simple and familiar, unlike the drama surrounding Jonathan Morgenstern. She just wanted one night to pretend like things were easy again. Alec could tell as much with just a glance at her face.

“Maybe I could go for a little bit,” he said with a frown.

Isabelle brightened. “It should be an easy job. According to intel, it’s a small nest.”

Alec gave her a slight smile. “Then how about I meet you in the ops room half an hour before sunset? That should be enough time to wrap up this paperwork, and we can see about hunting down the demons before I have to meet Magnus.”

Isabelle smiled as she stood up from her perch on the desk. It wasn’t everything she’d wanted. She would have loved a full night of staying out and hunting down whatever demons they happened to come across, but at least it was something.

She tried to hold onto that as she got ready.

It was easy to forget about her disappointment while training.

She wrapped her whip around Clary’s ankle, sending her to the ground. But Clary wasn’t the inexperienced fighter who they’d first encountered in Pandemonium. Recently, her fighting skills had skyrocketed as she worked hard to improve.

Isabelle didn’t feel bad about not holding back. Clary threw one of the small knives she was holding. They were training knives, not sharp enough to cause damage, but Isabelle reacted as if they were real. Her whip untangled itself from Clary’s ankle as Isabelle scrambled away.

Clary took the opportunity to lunge for the knife again, but despite her hard training, Isabelle reacted faster, snatching the knife before Clary could take it.

“It’s always a risk to lose one of your weapons,” Isabelle noted between heavy breaths.

Clary lunged for her with her other knife, but Isabelle dodged. Using her whip again, she knocked that knife from Clary’s hand, too, and kicked it to the other side of the room.

Clary cursed.

“Clearly, I still have work to do,” she muttered as she went to retrieve the knife.

Isabelle smirked as she held out the knife she still had for Clary to take.

“You’re making good progress. You were able to hold your own against me for a while. When you first started training, I could have you pinned to the floor in seconds.”

Clary snorted. “Yeah, thanks for the reminder.”

They headed over to the area where the training weapons were stored. Clary safely put the knives back, while Isabelle wound her whip around her wrist, allowing it to settle back into a bracelet.

“Hey.” Isabelle nudged her in the arm. “If you want some practical experience out in the field, you could come with me and Alec tonight. He has to leave early anyway, since he has plans with Magnus. The two of us could stay out a bit longer.”

Clary gave her a sympathetic smile. “Actually, I’m already going hunting with Jace.”

“Oh.”

From Clary’s tone, it was clear that Isabelle wasn’t invited. Not because Clary didn’t want her there but because this was specifically Clary and Jace alone time. Well, Clary, Jace, and demon alone time, as it may have been, but relationship time. Isabelle would have been an awkward third wheel, something that wouldn’t be fun for any of them.

“That’s great!” Isabelle said, doing her best to sound cheerful. “I hope the two of you have a good time.”

“Thanks.”

Clary wrapped her in a hug like she suspected Isabelle needed it. Despite herself, Isabelle sunk into the embrace for a few seconds before pulling away.

“I hope you have fun with Alec,” Clary said.

“I always do when he's not being a stick in the mud.”

Clary laughed and shook her head. “How about we go out together tomorrow night? I don’t have plans then.”

Isabelle’s smile became easier. “That sounds great.”

Demon hunting with Alec that night was fun. For a little while, it did feel like old times. There was a little spot for Jace missing, but in the midst of fighting a demon, she could mostly forget that part. She worked well with Alec. They knew how the other fought in a way that only came from years of working together.

It didn’t matter that he needed to leave early because they managed to take down the nest of demons they’d been looking for in record time. Isabelle itched to continue around the city looking for more, but she knew that wasn’t possible, especially when Alec checked the time on his phone mere seconds after the last demon had poofed back to its own dimension.

“I should get going,” he said.

Isabelle bit back a sigh. “Of course. Tell Magnus I said hi.”

Alec glanced at her, a frown between his brows. “You okay?” he asked. “You seem sad despite us taking down four demons on our own. That usually puts you in a good mood.”

Isabelle snorted.

Somehow, they’d started walking in the general direction of Magnus’ flat together without thinking much of it.

“I’m fine,” she said, but the look on Alec’s face made it clear that he didn’t believe her. She sighed. “Okay,” she admitted. “I’m a little upset, but you don’t need to worry. It’s just… You’re going to meet Magnus. I invited Clary and Jace out tonight too, but it turned out that they were doing something together. Suddenly, everyone’s on dates all the time. And I’m just on my own.”

Alec laughed. “Izzy, you’re always on dates. For the past five years, we always had to schedule our demon-hunting around you.”

Isabelle frowned. “That wasn’t just me. Jace always had dates too.”

“No,” Alec said with a shake of his head. “He did hook up with girls, but he’s always prioritized demons before. He’d go demon-hunting whenever one of us asked. The girls always had to fit in around his time with us before he met Clary. As much as you love the hunt, you did skip out on us to go on dates.”

Isabelle considered it. She supposed he was right. She had done that, but being on the other side of it felt far worse than she’d imagined.

“I’m not complaining,” Alec said, sensing her emotions. “It’s not like I had a bad time hunting alone with my parabatai. Jace and I work well as a pair just like you and I do.” He pressed his lips together. “I do get why it would feel different with both me and Jace preoccupied all the time.”

“I don’t blame you,” Isabelle was quick to add. “The two of you being happy makes me happy too. Neither one of you has ever looked as relaxed as you do now, and that’s saying a lot considering the shitshow happening around us. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

They’d reached a subway station, and Alec slowed to a stop, turning to face Isabelle.

“You were always going on dates before,” he said. “What’s changed?”

What had changed? Isabelle wasn’t sure. She hadn’t thought about it much recently. She’d have attributed it to everything else going on, but it seemed that hadn’t slowed anyone else down. It was ironic that she had turned into the one with no love life to speak of.

Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. She had past hookups who’d probably respond if she called, but she hadn’t even thought of them in ages.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

Alec hesitated before saying, “Maybe you should give it a try again?”

She nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I can’t believe our lives have turned into you giving dating advice to me.”

Alec laughed. “It is kind of bizarre, isn’t it?”

“Very bizarre.” She pushed lightly on his arm. “Now, go see Magnus before he starts worrying that a big, scary demon ate you.”

Laughing, Alec wrapped her in a hug. “Bye, Iz.” As he pulled away, he held onto her shoulders for a moment. “Do me a favor and do something fun tonight?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, fine.”

She watched as Alec disappeared down the steps of the subway station. Glancing around, she saw a lot of people going about their lives despite the late hour. There were several bars and clubs nearby, all of which could serve as a way to have fun like Alec had asked of her.

Instead, she pulled out her phone.

“I was starting to think I’d never hear from you again,” Meliorn teased as he led her into his room. “Not like this.”

Isabelle smirked. “I’ve been a little preoccupied with saving the world.”

Meliorn perched on the end of his bed and looked up at her with a smirk of his own. “That you have. I hear things, you know? My Queen is particularly displeased with your Clave at the moment.”

Isabelle frowned. She hadn’t come to Meliorn to talk about politics. Even when she’d decided to contact an old friend, she hadn’t been sure about that friend being Meliorn. After all, the Seelie Court’s relationship with the Clave was worse than ever. Visiting Meliorn in the Seelie Realm was risky for both of them.

That didn’t stop her from sitting beside him on the bed.

“Do we need to talk about that right now?” she said, placing her hand on his abdomen.

A spark ignited in Meliorn’s eye. “No, we do not.”

Everything else was forgotten as he pulled her close.

Over the years, Isabelle had had many different types of relationships. None of them could be considered serious, but even casual relationships came in a variety of flavors. There were those who she was friends with as much as she was anything else. Then there were the ones who she met occasionally for sex and absolutely nothing more. There were the guys she called if she wanted to go dancing and the ones she called if she wanted to go on an ill-advised trip to the beach in the middle of the night.

Meliorn was hard to categorize compared to the others. While Shadowhunters, mundanes, and other Downworlders were unique in some ways, their relationships mostly looked the same.

Seelies were different. They didn’t view relationships in the same way as most. Isabelle found it utterly fascinating. Meliorn was the one partner who she didn’t have to worry about becoming too attached.

That wasn’t because Seelies didn’t experience love. Isabelle knew they did, but they experienced it in a far different way. Meliorn would always be able to appreciate their time together without asking for something more.

When she’d needed someone to call during a moment of confusion, it was no surprise that she’d landed on his number.

With her head laying on his chest later that night, she did feel better.

They weren’t always the cuddling type. Meliorn didn’t expect it, but he did indulge her when she needed it, and if ever there was a time she needed it, it was then. He traced lines like vines along her arm and bare back as they lay there.

“Something is still bothering you,” he said gently.

Isabelle sighed. She did feel better, but he was right that something was still lingering at the back of her mind.

“I’ve just had a long day and too short of a night,” she muttered, shifting a little against Meliorn’s side to stay comfortable. “I wanted to go demon hunting with Alec and even Jace or Clary, but they’re all busy doing couple things.”

Meliorn’s finger paused in its tracing for a second.

“That bothers you,” he observed.

“Of course it does. It used to be that me, Alec, and Jace would go out together five nights a week. Now I’m lucky if it’s one night every couple of weeks.”

Meliorn hummed. “Is that the only reason?”

Isabelle pushed herself up onto her elbow to look down at him.

“What other reason would there be?”

Meliorn shrugged. “For the first time, both of your brothers are in love, and you are not. I’ve learned that that sort of thing bothers Shadowhunters as much as it does mundanes.”

Isabelle laughed and collapsed against the mattress, staring at the ceiling. Meliorn was no longer holding her, but they were lying close enough together that their arms touched.

“I’ve never been a serious relationship type of woman.”

“Not before, but people change.”

Isabelle sighed but didn’t say anything. It was Meliorn who broke the silence a second later.

“Perhaps allowing you to stay tonight was a mistake.”

Isabelle whipped her head around to look at him. He stared back calmly. She pushed herself back up on her elbow.

“A mistake?”

He’d never implied something like that about them before.

He pushed himself up on his own elbow, mimicking her position.

“You’re looking for something different now,” he said, “and I cannot provide it for you.”

Isabelle stared at him. Was she looking for a relationship? She didn’t think so. In the past, the idea of being bound to someone like that had been unappealing. It was hard to see the good side of it when your parents hardly tolerated each other, and most of the marriages you saw were similar.

But Magnus and Alec weren’t like that. Neither were Jace or Clary. They actually managed to smile in each other’s presence, and yeah, Isabelle could admit that it was nice to watch. But being happy for other people wasn’t the same thing as wanting something for yourself.

“I don’t know how to have a normal relationship,” she found herself saying.

Meliorn smiled. “I think you will do just fine, Isabelle Lightwood. You only need to find the right person, and I deeply regret that I cannot be that for you.”

Isabelle snorted. “Yeah, me too.”

Isabelle was used to turning up at the institute at the crack of dawn. The Shadowhunters on duty at that time of day were used to it too. She barely warranted a glance anymore, even if it had been a while.

What she wasn’t used to was turning back up at the institute at the same time as her brother.

Alec paused when he saw her, his expression sheepish under Isabelle’s smirk.

“Have a good night, Big Brother?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

His eyes darted around, looking anywhere but at her. “It was good,” he said, a light shade of pink dusting his cheeks.

Isabelle laughed. The ending of her night with Meliorn had been disappointing because she’d known it would be her last, but seeing Alec, of all people, sneaking back in more than made up for it.

He eyed her clothes, the same ones she’d worn the night before.

“I guess you had a good night too.”

Her smile was much prouder than his. “Yes.”

Alec cleared his throat and nodded. “Well then, I guess we should get inside.”

Isabelle giggled and led the way.

Chapter Text

Isabelle didn’t have any actual plans as she approached Clary’s bedroom door. She was merely bored, and bothering Clary was the easiest source of amusement she could think of. When she’d poked her head into the office, Alec had been neck deep in paperwork, and Jace had taken it upon himself to clean a bunch of the weapons stored in the training room, which meant Clary was her last chance at finding someone to talk to.

She’d only made it halfway between her room and Clary’s when she ran into Simon, who’d come from the direction of the front entrance.

“Simon!” she said, voice bright.

It felt like ages since she’d seen him, and she felt bad that she’d mostly forgotten about him in his absence. She’d liked Simon from the first time she’d met him alongside Clary. There was something about his demeanor that lifted her spirits. He was very different from the Shadowhunters and even the Downworlders that she spent most of her time around.

That had changed a bit since he’d joined the Downworld himself and had come into himself as a vampire, but he was still so young compared to the other vampires she knew. He held onto a sort of mundane innocence that Isabelle had never really known in anyone else, aside from maybe Clary.

“Izzy.” He smiled. “How are you?”

“Good,” she said with a shrug.

It was something of a lie. When she’d first come home from spending the night with Meliorn, she’d felt good, but a sort of melancholy had quickly settled over her when she remembered that it would likely be the last time she saw him in that way. What he’d said to her lingered in her mind.

“How are you?” She tilted her head to the side as she looked at him. Her eyes darted in the direction of Clary’s door. “I’m surprised to see you here. I thought things might be a little weird between you and Clary. What with her and Jace…”

Simon gave a nervous chuckle. “Oh, no, it’s fine. Really. Clary and I are better off as friends, and I’m glad she’s found Jace. They’re good together.”

He was lying. It was clear as day in the expression he made when he mentioned them being ‘good together.’ Isabelle nodded like she believed him, not daring to add that she agreed Clary and Jace were a good couple.

It wasn’t an insult to Simon. As far as she was concerned, it was just true. There was someone else out there for Simon, someone who wasn’t Clary.

“I’m glad you’re handling it well,” she said. “You’ll find someone soon. Have you gotten back in the game yet?”

Simon stuttered over his words. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Isabelle’s eyebrows rose. “Do you need help? You know, I make an excellent wingwoman. If you need someone to go out with, give me a call. Advice on your outfit? Someone to talk you up at the bar? I have many talents.”

Simon laughed. If he weren’t a vampire, he’d surely be blushing. “That’s nice of you, Izzy. I’ll keep it in mind, but I’m good for now.” He hesitated. “If you ever want to hang out though, let me know.”

Isabelle blinked at him. Was it a pick up line? Simon was different enough from the guys she usually chose to spend time with that she couldn’t tell what his intentions were. The way he was smiling at her seemed nothing but genuine, but Isabelle felt a flutter in her stomach that wasn’t unlike what she’d felt when flirting with Meliorn the night before.

“I’ll keep that in mind too,” she said with a smirk. She glanced down the hallway again. Clary’s door was still closed. “I should let you go. I guess you were going to see Clary?”

“Oh, yeah.” Simon blinked like he’d just remembered that himself. “I’ll see you later then?”

“Of course.”

Isabelle watched him go with a smile. Her plans had been derailed. It would have been easy to go to Clary’s room alongside Simon and make plans with both of them, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to. The idea of spending more time with Simon made her stomach flutter in an unexpected way. She wasn’t sure she was ready to reveal that to him—or to Clary—just yet.

Isabelle wasn’t one to dwell on guys. She daydreamed about them sometimes, of course, but no one had ever invaded her thoughts until they were the only thing she could think about. In the past, if she’d wanted to act on her feelings, she’d done so, and once she had, the intensity of her feelings had lessened.

For the rest of the day, things were different. Her thoughts kept leading back to Simon, but she didn’t dare call him up like she usually did. He might have been interested, but the wider scope of the situation made her pause. It hadn’t taken long after their break up for Clary to move on to Jace, but that didn’t mean Simon was ready to move on. Plus, Clary was quickly becoming Isabelle’s best friend, and the idea of making a move on her childhood best friend and ex without talking to her felt wrong.

So Isabelle followed the unusual course of keeping her feelings to herself.

It had only been a few hours. That was the strangest part. Isabelle had never been one to fall particularly hard. She was someone who appreciated a wide variety of people at once instead of becoming consumed by just one. Yet there was Simon.

He wasn’t the typical type that would leave someone swooning, yet he wouldn’t leave Isabelle’s thoughts alone. She was still thinking of him when she and Clary were roaming the streets of Brooklyn that night in search of stray demons.

“Simon mentioned running into you today,” Clary threw out offhandedly as they wandered down an alleyway between two bars.

“Oh, yeah,” Isabelle responded as if she hadn’t been thinking about the exchange to the detriment of her responsibilities all day. “I’m glad to see that he’s doing good after…everything.”

Clary smiled. “You can say ‘the break up.’ But I agree. I was worried we’d never be friends again, but it almost feels like old times. Except, you know, the demons and vampires.”

Isabelle laughed. “Well, the two of you seem to be fitting in with the Shadow World just fine. Being a vampire suits Simon. It’s strange. I never would have thought that when he was a mundane.”

Clary shook her head. “Me either, but I agree with you. He’s more confident than before. Maybe the same thing would have happened if he’d gone off to college, but college lectures aren’t the same as gaining super speed.”

Isabelle nodded. She cast a look at Clary. “You seem happy too.”

Clary smiled bashfully.

“I’m glad,” Isabelle said. “You deserve it.”

“Thank you.”

They fell into silence for a while. Arguably, it was better for achieving their goal of actually catching a demon. Isabelle had spent many a silent night with Alec and Jace while both of her brothers were absorbed in tracking possible signs of demonic activity. With Clary, it was different. Isabelle loved her job, but she wasn’t as dedicated to the minutiae as they were. It was hard to focus with her best friend beside her.

“I want that,” Isabelle admitted before immediately regretting it.

Clary’s eyes grew wide. “Really?” At Isabelle’s bashful nod, her smile softened. “How long have you been thinking about that?”

Isabelle shrugged. “Not long. Watching you with Jace and Alec with Magnus… It’s shifted my perception on some things. This may come as a shock”—she rolled her eyes at herself—”but I didn’t exactly have great models of romantic relationships growing up. I thought that commitment would make things stuffy, but now I’m wondering if I was wrong.”

Clary bumped her in the arm. “Maybe you should date Simon? You did say he’s become more attractive since becoming a vampire.”

Isabelle laughed, stuffing down the thrill that went through her and Clary’s suggestion. “That’s not quite what I said, and you know it.”

Clary shrugged. “Well, if you’re interested, I’m sure Simon would be.”

Isabelle’s eyebrows flew to her hairline. “Would he?”

“We haven’t talked about it, but I’m almost positive he would, Iz. The two of you would be cute together.”

Isabelle forced a laugh. “I guess I’ll have to think about it then.”

Isabelle had been exploring the city—both alone and with her brothers—since she was younger than most children were when let loose without supervision. She didn’t think there was a single block of the city she didn’t know, yet Magnus knew of a long list of restaurants that Isabelle had no idea existed.

He’d invited her to an Italian place that, once again, she hadn’t heard of, but she’d fallen in love as soon as they’d arrived. The wooden decor and twinkling lights made it cozy, and the rich smells drifting through the air promised a good meal.

“How have you been?” Magnus asked as soon as they’d settled into their seats.

Isabelle sighed. Where to start?

She was often grateful that Alec had found Magnus. Not just because he was finally happy but because it meant she got to keep Magnus in her life too. He’d quickly become something between a close friend and a brother to her, in a way that was very different from the place Jace occupied in her life.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Everything’s been a lot lately.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow and covered the hand she had resting on the table. “What is it, Isabelle?”

Isabelle sighed and leaned back against the booth. “Nothing major. It’s just that everyone’s getting into relationships, and they’re so happy. And I’m happy for all of you! But I’m not sure that I’ll ever get to have that for myself.”

Magnus smiled wryly. “You know I had to wait four hundred years before meeting your brother, right?”

“Yeah,” Isabelle said with a long exhale. “I’m young and have a world of opportunity before me. You don’t need to give me a whole speech. I’ll get over it.”

Magnus grew thoughtful. “I didn’t say you should get over it. If a relationship is what you want, then you should go for it. You certainly wouldn’t lack choice.”

Isabelle thought of Meliorn, who had already rejected her if she wanted something serious. Others flashed through her mind as well, but there was no doubt that Simon was the stand out choice among them all.

“Maybe,” she said with uncertainty. “How do I go about asking for a relationship though? That’s so much bigger than asking for one night.”

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Start with a date and see where it goes from there.”

“You make it sound easy.” Isabelle laughed. “Why doesn’t it feel that way?”

Magnus smiled again. “Because love can be intimidating, dear, but it can also be very much worth it when it’s right.”

God, Isabelle sure hoped so.

By Friday afternoon, Isabelle was buzzing with energy, and she wasn’t going to release it by hunting demons. No, what she needed was a night spent dancing and forgetting about everything else.

She wasn’t a stranger to going to clubs by herself, but suddenly, the idea of showing up alone felt synonymous with being lonely. She wanted to get lost in a crowd, but she wanted to do it with at least one familiar face at her side.

Meliorn came to mind, but Isabelle knew better than to continue picking at that wound. No matter what she wished for, what she’d had with Meliorn was in the past now.

Clary was her next choice. She’d expressed interest in helping Isabelle find a relationship after all, and while Isabelle wasn’t sure the night would be about that, she was interested in finding some sort of attention. Maybe that was close enough.

“I’m not sure,” Clary said when Isabelle mentioned the idea.

Isabelle sighed and flopped back against Clary’s pillows. “Another date with Jace?”

“No, actually.” Clary sat at the foot of her bed with her legs crossed, facing Isabelle. “My plans are much more boring. I was going to finish up my painting.”

She gestured at the half-painted canvas sitting on the easel in her room. Isabelle squinted at it. It had been standing there long enough that it had begun to feel like furniture, and Isabelle couldn’t remember the last time paint had been added to it. She couldn’t begrudge Clary for wanting time to work on it.

Okay. She could begrudge her a little.

“Come on.” She nudged Clary’s knee with her foot. “I need a wingwoman.”

Clary raised an eyebrow. “A wingwoman to find a boyfriend, or a wingwoman to find a one night stand?”

Isabelle shrugged without bothering to give a verbal answer.

“Maybe you could invite Simon,” Clary suggested with faux sincerity.

Isabelle laughed. “Is he a good wingman?”

“No,” Clary said decisively. “But you’d probably have fun with him.”

With a sigh, Isabelle looked up at the ceiling.

She probably would have fun with Simon. He was a nice guy, but he was a little too nice in that spending more time with him was likely to make her like him too much. And that wasn’t quite what she’d had in mind for her weekend.

“I’ll think about it,” she said, not wanting to explain exactly how her stomach twisted at the idea of spending all night with him.

She didn’t really think about it. In fact, she didn’t invite anyone to come with her in the end. For a second, she considered Magnus, but that would mean that Alec would find out. And for once, she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. He’d never cared what she got up to as long as she was safe, but something told her that he’d see right through her, and she wasn’t interested in being vulnerable. That was the opposite of what the night was supposed to be about.

So, Isabelle went to a club by herself.

It was one she’d visited many times before, often frequented by Downworlders. She was the only Shadowhunter in the place, and she liked it like that. For a few hours, she could dance and forget about everything else.

Her original plan involved going home with someone, but throughout the night, nothing felt right. When she emerged back onto the city street, she was alone. She shivered, tugging her leather jacket tighter around her.

“Did you not find someone appealing?”

Her hand went for her whip as she whirled around, but before she struck, she recognized Raphael Santiago leaning against the brick wall of a nearby building. Isabelle scowled.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

He smirked at her. “This is a popular Downworlder hangout spot. Your presence here is more questionable than mine.”

Isabelle scoffed. “And you just happened to be out here as I was leaving?”

Raphael shrugged. He was nothing but the picture of disinterest, but Isabelle didn’t believe it as she sauntered closer.

“What’s it to you if I go home with someone?” she asked, putting on a flirty smile. “Are you interested?”

Raphael chuckled, causing Isabelle to take a step backward. She’d never really seen him amused before.

“I’m not,” he said simply. “No offense. I’m not particularly interested in sex with anyone.” He waved a dismissive hand through the air. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Isabelle stared at him. “Really?”

He smirked, shaking his head. Isabelle wasn’t sure why she was surprised. She’d never known Raphael to be involved with someone, but it did break from the general reputation that vampires had, even among Shadowhunters.

“Really,” he confirmed. “From what I’ve heard about you, Isabelle Lightwood, you often are.” His gaze was scrutinizing in a way far different from those of the men in the club. “Something seems different tonight.”

That irked her. She’d dressed the same as always; she’d danced the same as always. The only thing that had been different was leaving alone.

“I don’t just sleep with anyone.”

“I know,” Raphael said without a hint of defensiveness. “That’s not what I meant. I may not have followed you here, but I did notice you dancing in there.” He nodded towards the club entrance. “You brushed off every guy that got close to you.”

“That isn’t your business.”

“It’s not.” Yet he didn’t seem regretful about bringing it up.

She turned from him, calling back over her shoulder. “I’m leaving.”

“I’m not stopping you,” he said.

She could hear his smirk without looking at him. Her feet slapped against the pavement hard as she hurried away.

Shadowhunters almost never got sick, so injuries and hangovers were the closest thing Isabelle had to compare it to. The hangovers alone were enough to make her grateful that she was immune to mundane diseases.

The next morning, she woke with such a terrible ache in her head that it took her several minutes to realize that the pounding was happening to her door and not just her head.

“What is it?” she called, the words slurring.

The person on the other side understood her enough to open the door with a click.

“I’m guessing you did go out last night,” Clary said as she perched herself on the edge of Isabelle’s bed.

Isabelle rolled onto her back with a groan, shielding her eyes from the sunlight streaming through her window. Clary placed what she’d been carrying on Isabelle’s nightstand and quickly tugged the curtains closed. She was back on the edge of Isabelle’s bed by the time Isabelle had sat up.

“I brought you food.”

She picked up what Isabelle now realized was toast and passed it to her. It was a whole stack, each slice generously spread with butter. Isabelle’s stomach let out a loud growl as soon as the smell hit her nose.

“I’d have brought painkillers,” Clary continued. “But there’s a better rune for that.”

At the reminder, Isabelle snatched her stele off the nightstand. Being careful not to drop her toast, she traced the familiar rune on the inner skin of her upper arm. It began to work instantly, which only increased Isabelle’s hunger. She took a giant bite of toast, making Clary giggle.

“Who did you go with?” Clary asked, tucking her hands in her lap. “I know it wasn’t Simon. He called me after you’d left.”

Isabelle shrugged, staring down at a piece of toast. “I decided to go out by myself and see where the night took me.”

Clary hummed in a way that Isabelle couldn’t decipher as judgmental or neutral. She focused on eating the rest of her toast.

“Thanks for this,” she muttered as she finished off the first piece. “Navigating the cafeteria on mornings like this is literal hell.”

Clary laughed. “I know what you mean.”

She sighed and stood up. “I’ll leave you to eat and properly wake up.”

Isabelle nodded, but Clary hovered like she wanted to say something else. Isabelle watched her expectantly, but Clary only shrugged and gave her one last smile before she disappeared. Isabelle leaned back against her pillows, her bites of toast slowing down as her stomach calmed and her thoughts drifted.

The night before had been fun while it lasted, but now that it was over, Isabelle felt exactly the same as she had the day before. Nothing had changed. She was more curious about what Clary and Simon had talked about when he’d called her the night before than she was dwelling on the club.

In a moment of possible daring, Isabelle snatched her phone off the nightstand and typed a quick message, hitting send before she could think too much about it.

Isabelle: Hi, Simon! Would you want to hang out later today?

It took less than a minute for the reply to come through.

Simon: Of course, yeah! I’m free whenever, just let me know

Isabelle didn’t know much about mundane houses. She wasn’t one to watch much TV, but the few images she did have of mundane houses typically came from movies or the occasional one that they ended up inside of because of a demon infestation. Needless to say, that last one didn’t paint the nicest picture of what they were like. She assumed most mundanes didn’t live with demon ichor staining the furniture.

Simon’s apartment looked stunningly normal compared to what she’d seen, and it was strange to see him sitting on the sofa, a game controller discarded on the table in front of them.

Isabelle had agreed to watch a movie both because it seemed like a perfectly normal activity and because Simon had been so excited while explaining Star Wars to her. And it was a good movie. Isabelle liked it, but she was also distracted the whole time. Simon seemed to be too, which was why she wasn’t surprised when he started making conversation about half an hour into the film.

“Clary mentioned that you went out last night.”

Isabelle chuckled. “Yeah, you should have seen me this morning. I did not feel too hot.”

“Really? You seem fine now.”

“That’s thanks to this godsend.” She showed him the fading rune on her arm. Simon nodded, a thoughtful look on his face.

“That would have been nice back when I could actually drink alcohol.” He kicked his feet up onto his coffee table. “So, who did you go out with?”

Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, but she tried to hide it by settling into the couch. “No one in particular. I just wanted to meet some new people.”

Simon nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve been doing that recently too.”

Isabelle stiffened before she could cover the movement. “Oh?”

“Not so much at clubs,” Simon said with a chuckle. “It turns out that Luke’s been acting like a mentor to this girl who turned into a werewolf a while pack. She’s about our age, part of Luke’s old pack. He introduced us.”

Isabelle gripped her hands together in her lap. It wasn’t like she’d expected to come over to Simon’s and fall into his arms. This was Simon. She was drawn to him precisely because he was different from guys she’d dated in the past. She’d expected some flirting and time to pass before things progressed. What she hadn’t expected was for him to start talking about some other girl the very first time they hung out with each other.

“How long have you known her?” she asked.

“Not long, but we have a lot in common.” He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve met the pack before, right? Maybe you’ve met her.”

Isabelle had met the pack as a whole, but she didn’t really know any of the members besides Luke. Despite that, she shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t really remember their names.”

“Her name is Maia Roberts.”

Chapter Text

Desk work was Isabelle’s least favorite part of her job, so she welcomed any and all distractions, even if it meant things took twice as long. That was why she flagged Clary down as soon as she saw her, waving her over until she was in the chair beside her.

Isabelle pushed her tablet aside and leaned back, getting comfortable.

“I heard you were hanging out with Simon the other day,” Clary said, leaning in close like they were conspirators.

Isabelle laughed. “Have you been gossiping about me?”

“I wouldn’t call it gossip.” Clary smirked. “But Simon did bring it up when we talked. He said he had a good time.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes at the look on Clary’s face.

“Don’t get too excited. We were just hanging out as friends.”

“Sure, but—”

Isabelle cut her off before she could say something that would hurt Isabelle more. “He hasn’t told you, has he?”

Clary frowned. “Told me what?”

“He’s been talking to a girl. A werewolf named Maia. She’s in Luke’s pack apparently. Have you met her?”

Clary scrunched her brow as she searched for memories of the name. A sudden look of realization hit her.

“Kind of,” she admitted, sounding almost sheepish. “Luke is close with her, and he introduced me and Simon to her the other day. She seemed nice, but I didn’t realize that she and Simon had kept talking to each other after that, let alone become something more.” She frowned. “Are you sure they’re more than friends?”

Isabelle wasn’t sure of anything.

“No, but he looked happy when he was talking about her.”

Clary leaned back in her chair, frowning in thought. “He hasn’t mentioned her to me at all. That’s so weird. I can’t imagine him dating someone without mentioning it even once.”

“You are his ex now. He probably feels weird talking about his love life with you.”

Clary looked so defeated that Isabelle regretted saying it in such a blunt way.

“It probably won’t last forever,” she hastened to add. “It hasn’t been that long, and it might make things awkward with Maia if she knows the two of you are exes. The rest of us know you aren’t hung up on Simon, but she might not. Maybe he wants to wait before introducing her to you as his girlfriend.”

“Maybe,” Clary said slowly. She gave Isabelle a sharp look. “If they’re actually seeing each other.”

Isabelle laughed. “Maybe they’re not. I don’t know, but I don’t want to get hung up on some guy who’s involved with someone else.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Clary patted her on the arm. “I never would have pushed you towards Simon if I knew it would get complicated. I just thought the two of you would work well together.”

Isabelle had started to think the same thing, which was why it stung. She shrugged it off, putting on her best smile.

“It’s fine. You didn’t know, and it’s not a big deal. Lots of other fish in the sea and all that.”

Clary smiled, but it was clear she didn’t fully believe her.

It would have been easier for Isabelle to move on and stop thinking about Simon if he weren’t texting her nearly every day.

The messages were innocent. They could hardly be construed as flirting, even to the point that Isabelle wondered what she’d been expecting from the beginning. He was too nice for her to ignore him either. Each time a message came through, she debated not answering, but she could see his hurt and confused face in her mind’s eye, and she’d be typing out a response before she could stop herself.

What happened next was probably inevitable, but it still shook Isabelle when it happened.

She was training, so she hadn’t heard her phone buzz when the message first arrived. She was gathering her things when she noticed the notification sitting there, waiting for her.

Simon: Hey! How would you feel about hanging out with me and Maia on Saturday? We were going to have a movie night. Maybe it can be a group thing?

Isabelle’s stomach twisted. Why would Simon want her to be a third wheel at what sounded a lot like a date? But then, she’d watched movies with him the week before, and that hadn’t been a date. She wished she knew what his motivations were. Maybe he’d finally realized what Isabelle had been hoping for, and this was some kind of weird olive branch.

She could have said no. It would have been easy. There were a multitude of potential excuses for how she’d spend her Saturday night, but another part of her was curious. She wanted to see Maia for herself. She didn’t like to think of herself as a jealous person. And it wasn’t like Simon or Maia were at fault in the situation. Isabelle was curious about them. She wanted to know what this girl was like, but she didn’t want to find out alone.

Isabelle: Sounds fun! Could invite Clary?

Considering it wasn’t a date, it felt like a safe suggestion when she sent the message. Clary was Simon’s best friend after all. They liked spending time together.

It was only while she was agonizingly waiting for Simon’s reply that she questioned herself. Inviting someone’s ex to hang out with them and their new significant other was a major faux pas. Isabelle was trying to think of a way to take it back when her phone vibrated in her hand.

Simon: Sure! I look forward to it.

Isabelle took a deep breath. She might have created a disaster.

While Isabelle knew her outfit shouldn’t matter when hanging out with friends, she couldn’t stop herself from staring in the mirror, turning this way and that as she considered whether it was too much. It was something that she’d never bothered to think about except when her mother got to her, and she hated that she was doing it because of Simon and Maia, but she couldn’t shake her nerves.

“I’m really sorry for roping you into this,” she said over her shoulder to Clary, who had dressed in record time in jeans and a t-shirt and was lounging on Isabelle’s bed waiting for her.

“It’s no problem,” Clary said. “I’m as curious as you are. Maia seemed nice last time I met her, but that was different from meeting her as Simon’s maybe-girlfriend.”

Isabelle laughed and stepped away from the mirror. The outfit was similar to one that she’d wear when hanging out with friends. Black pants and a wine red blouse that hovered somewhere between formal and casual. It was fine. She didn’t need to overthink it.

“Shall we go then?” she asked, holding out her arm.

Clary stood with a smile and linked their arms together as they walked out side by side.

Isabelle’s heart raced as Simon tugged the door to his apartment open, and it only calmed a little when she saw his smiling face.

“Hey!” He stepped aside and motioned for them to come in. “I’m glad you’re here.”

A woman with brown curly hair stood from the couch, offering them a small smile.

“This is Maia.” Simon gestured widely between them before discreetly trying to wipe his hands against his pants.

“Nice to meet you,” Clary said, taking the initiative and stepping forward to shake Maia’s hand. “Or meet you again, I guess, but we didn’t get to talk much the last time.”

“No, you’re right,” Maia said. “It’s nice to meet you too.” She turned to Isabelle. “And you as well.”

Isabelle smiled and held her hand out. “Likewise. Any friend of Simon’s is a friend of mine.”

It came out strained, but she couldn’t take it back. Maia nodded oddly, seemingly as unsure of herself as Isabelle was. She wondered if it was the fact that she was a Shadowhunter or something else.

“Yeah, I never thought I’d be hanging out with Shadowhunters, but there’s a first time for everything.”

“Clary and Izzy are great,” Simon said.

He’d retaken his spot on the couch, and the others followed him. Isabelle’s stomach twisted when Maia took the spot beside Simon. She gently guided Clary to take the seat next to Maia so that she could have the chair to herself. It felt slightly comforting, having that bit of distance.

“And I have a lot of Downworlder friends,” Isabelle assured her. “I’m not like most Shadowhunters.”

Maia shot her a strained smile. “Is that so?” she said in a tone that implied it was the end of the conversation.

Simon cleared his throat and scooted forward to the edge of the couch. “So! What movie were we thinking? We’ve got a lot of options!”

A couple hours later, Isabelle got up to pour herself a glass of water and was surprised when Maia followed her. She pulled soda out of Simon’s fridge to refill her own glass, and the action felt familiar, like she’d done it a number of times before.

On the couch, Simon and Clary laughed at some joke that Isabelle hadn’t caught. She leaned against the counter, watching them. If Maia was familiar with Simon’s apartment, Clary was familiar with Simon himself. Despite the breakup, it was clear as day how well they knew each other.

She glanced at Maia and noticed that she was still hovering in the kitchen, also watching Simon and Clary.

“You don’t have to be jealous,” Isabelle said, keeping her voice quiet so Simon and Clary wouldn’t hear. “They’re just friends. Trust me. Clary’s moved on with Jace.”

Maia raised an eyebrow. “I’m not worried.” She hesitated a second before adding, “Simon and I aren’t together, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Oh, okay.”

Isabelle tapped her fingers against the glass. So they weren’t official then. That was at least something. They hadn’t been particularly affectionate during the night, but they’d definitely been laughing with each other, even leaning towards each other as they talked.

They descended into an awkward silence for a moment before Isabelle said, “I’m sorry if I offended you with that comment about having Downworlder friends earlier. It sounded stupid as soon as it was out of my mouth.”

Maia shrugged. “It did sound kind of stupid, but it’s fine. For whatever it’s worth, I already figured you weren’t as bad as the rest of them. I know your brother is dating Magnus Bane. I never thought a Shadowhunter would deign to date a Downworlder.”

Isabelle grinned. “Magnus and Alec are perfect together, and I know this is uncomfortably close to my comment earlier, but I’ve also dated Downworlders in the past. I just didn’t kiss them in front of an audience.”

Maia’s eyebrows flew to her hairline, and she looked at Isabelle with a different sort of spark in her eye.

“Hmm,” she hummed. “Good to know. You’re certainly interesting, Izzy.”

She walked away, leaving Isabelle leaning against the counter by herself. Her stomach fluttered. She took a drink of water, trying to calm herself back down before she joined the others in the living room.

The night air was crisp on Isabelle’s face as she and Clary walked home. She was buzzing with energy. The rest of the night had gone well. She thought she and Maia were somewhere on the road to being friends, even if they’d gotten off to a rocky start.

“Maia seems nice,” Clary said out of the blue.

Isabelle was ripped from her own thoughts, and it took a moment for her to answer.

“Yeah, she is. I liked her.”

“Me too.” Clary crossed her arms against her chest, warding off some of the chill. “I’m sorry I tried to push you and Simon together. I never would have if I’d known he was talking to someone else.”

“Clary, it’s fine. Really. If nothing else, it was fun spending time with him and Maia. I’m glad we went tonight.”

Clary smiled and linked her arm with Isabelle’s. They giggled as they walked down the street.

“So am I.”

Isabelle’s smile slipped as she considered the past few days. It surprised her that she wasn’t sad, at least she didn’t think so. She was disappointed, yes, but not quite for the reasons she’d initially thought.

“I don’t think I actually liked Simon like that,” she admitted, staring straight ahead despite feeling Clary’s eyes on her. “He’s nice, and I do enjoy being friends with him but… I don’t know. I’ve started feeling like maybe I want a relationship, and I think that he was just there.” She groaned. “That sounds so bad! I don’t mean it that way. I do like him as a friend.”

“I know,” Clary said gently. “It’s partially my fault for pushing you in that direction instead of letting you figure stuff out for yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, Iz. If anything, maybe this will make it clearer what you want?”

Isabelle bit her lip. “Maybe? I don’t know who I’m looking for exactly, but I am definitely looking for someone.”

Clary smiled. “And you’ll find them soon. You have to. You’re too much of a catch for anyone to pass up.”

Isabelle laughed. “I sure hope you’re right.”

“As soon as you do have someone in mind, you have to tell me. I want to know everything.”

Isabelle shook her head and hoped her blush wasn’t too noticeable. She couldn’t admit that now, whenever she tried to imagine someone, all she could think about was Maia.

Chapter Text

If asked to describe her relationship with her mother, Isabelle wouldn’t really know what to say. Maryse had been a loving mother when Isabelle was small, back before she’d been allowed to start training. She had fond memories of cuddling with her mother while Maryse shared sweet words with her.

As Isabelle had gotten older, things had changed. Isabelle started training, and Maryse became more of a trainer than a mother. Most of their conversations started to revolve around demons and weapons and demonic languages. When they weren’t talking about Isabelle’s education, Isabelle learned far too much about her parents’ relationship through Maryse’s emotional rants.

She was never quite sure when the marriage soured. It might have been when Isabelle was still tiny, but she’d been about ten when Maryse had decided she was old enough to rely on for emotional support. Isabelle heard about every fight, every flaw her father had. She’d wished that they could just go back to her mother being a strict teacher. It would have been easier.

Max had been a last ditch effort to salvage the marriage. Isabelle hated knowing that more than anything else. It hung over her head when she looked at Max sometimes. She dreaded the day he inevitably found out that the only reason he existed was because their parents hated each other and wanted to use him as a cover for their own flaws.

But, recently, her and Maryse’s relationship had miraculously turned around. Being excommunicated from the Clave and divorced had done wonders for her mother.

Things would never return to the way they were when Isabelle was a child for many reasons, but for the first time in years, Isabelle would sometimes look forward to spending time with Maryse when they were both free.

Without the obligations to the Clave, Maryse also had time on her hands, and she used a lot of that time to make plans with her children, which is why Isabelle found herself in an Italian restaurant with her mom one Friday night.

She’d grown to look forward to these dinners, and it upset her that she wasn’t nearly as excited as she usually was. She was still lost in the thoughts that had been plaguing her for days, and Isabelle had never been as good at hiding her emotions behind a mask as her mother was.

“Is something wrong?” Maryse asked when they were halfway through their meal. “You’ve been looking distracted all evening. Am I taking you away from better plans?”

The question was delivered so hesitantly that Isabelle was taken aback. There’d been a time when Maryse had demanded her attention whenever she wanted without leaving Isabelle much of a choice.

“No,” Isabelle said hastily. “I promise it’s not that. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

Maryse laid down her fork, putting her full attention on Isabelle, who wasn’t sure what to say. Yes, her relationship with her mother had been improving, but it was a far cry from being perfect. She would probably never shake the uncertainty that came after years of pressure and coldness.

But her mother was watching her with wide, concerned eyes, and Isabelle decided to dive straight in.

“A lot’s been happening.” She fiddled with the napkin in her lap. “Seeing everyone around me in relationships has made me rethink some things. I might be ready for that myself?”

She chanced a look at her mom and found Maryse smiling at her. Isabelle smiled briefly.

“I thought that maybe I could have that with Simon, but… Simon’s interested in someone else. Her name’s Maia, and to make everything way more complicated, she’s very easy to like.”

Maryse hummed. “That is the worst.” She smirked. “It’s always easier when they’re terrible.”

Isabelle laughed. “Yeah…”

She briefly considered opening up even further and telling her about how she’d been unable to stop herself from thinking about Maia since the day she’d met her. But she couldn’t make herself say the words when she herself didn’t know what it meant.

“Love can be hard,” Maryse said. “It may take time to find the right person, but when you do, I promise that it will be worth the wait.”

Isabelle smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”

Maryse patted her hand. “Of course. Remember. If you need anything—anything at all—you can always tell me.”

“I will,” Isabelle said. One day, maybe she could follow through.

Chapter Text

Isabelle knew better than to interrupt Alec when he was hard at work. If you got him at the wrong time, he’d scowl at you and give short answers until you gave up on getting anything worthwhile out of him.

So, she decided to do it in the institute cafeteria while they were both having lunch. Between Alec spending meals with Magnus and their friends eating with them, it took several days before she had an opening. Even then, her eyes darted around the cafeteria, paranoid that someone would overhear her despite being immersed in their own conversations.

When she did work up the courage to say something, it burst out, sounding far more blunt than she’d intended.

“How did you first know you were gay?”

Her cheeks burned. It was something they’d, surprisingly, never spoken about before. Less than a year ago, Isabelle could have asked for her curiosity’s sake and not felt the least bit embarrassed about it. Now, as he stared back at her, her cheeks were on fire. Such a simple question felt like it had exposed her to more questions from Alec than she was ready to answer.

“That’s a difficult question,” he said, thinking over his answer as he spoke.

“Did you always know?”

He peered at Isabelle like he was trying to work something out, and Isabelle diverted her gaze to her plate. The cafeteria was serving meatloaf, one of her least favorite dishes, but she forced herself to take a large bite to appear nonchalant. As if Alec didn’t know how much she hated it.

“No.” Alec tapped his finger against his plate. “I didn’t. For a while, it just wasn’t something I thought about. There weren’t that many kids our age around the institute, and I didn’t think much about having crushes on anyone, especially with the pressure Mom and Dad put on us to always be training. It wasn’t until Jace came that things started to change. There was a boy my age who was constantly around, and I started to feel things. But it still took a while for me to realize what those things were. When he first asked for us to be parabatai, I really did think that maybe that was what my feelings were. The parabatai bond is supposed to be like nothing else, after all, so I figured it explained everything. It’s not like there were any girls around, so I could compare my feelings for them—or lack of them—to my feelings for Jace.”

Isabelle hummed, running it over in her head. Alec may not have always known, but knowing at eleven was a lot different from figuring it out in your early twenties.

Alec’s gaze stayed on her as she continued to eat her dinner, her eyes never leaving her tray.

“It’s different for everyone though,” he said eventually. “Some people know right away, but others don’t know until decades later. At least that’s what I’ve been told.”

Isabelle gave him a strained smile, not trusting her voice.

The night after she talked to Alec, Isabelle couldn’t sleep. A whirl of emotions filtered through her mind. As the night progressed, it only became more confusing, not less. By morning, she’d decided she would talk to Magnus, the only other queer person she knew who she trusted enough to broach the topic with.

He’d let her into his apartment with a warm smile that turned into a frown as he took in her melancholic demeanor. She’d sat down and taken the glass of water he’d offered her, but she didn’t do anything with it besides holding it. The weight of the glass was the only thing that grounded her as she sat beside him on the couch.

“This is such a weird question,” Isabelle finally blurted out without preamble, “but how did you realize that you were bisexual?”

Magnus’ smile grew as he got a faraway look in his eye.

“There was always something there, but as surprising as it may be, I didn’t explore it for a long time. My Dutch stepfather was a devout Christian when it suited him, and my mom was too, at least after she married him. Around the time many people start to explore their sexuality, my warlock mark emerged, and I had far different problems to contend with.”

Isabelle’s stomach tightened as numerous emotions flickered across Magnus’ face. He tried to push it aside, putting a brave smile on his face.

“It wasn’t until I was away from them that I truly began to explore that part of myself. The language was different then, of course, but slowly, I grew sure of myself. It wasn’t always an easy road.”

Isabelle nodded. Magnus’ story touched her in a different way than Alec’s had. She’d planned only to ask questions, not to say much herself. Instead, she found herself speaking before she could stop herself.

“Suddenly, everything is confusing. It was all so simple before.”

He opened his arms, and Isabelle collapsed into his embrace. He held her close without asking her to explain herself, and that simple kindness was what made the first tears sting at her eyes.

“It’s okay to be confused,” he assured her, patting her on the back. “And it’s okay to explore what you feel without knowing for sure how it will turn out, if that’s what’s right for you.”

Isabelle nodded, though the idea of it still sounded scary. Besides, she’d wanted a relationship, not a series of one-night stands to better understand herself. She couldn’t have both.

“Please don’t tell Alec,” she muttered. “I want to tell him myself. When I can.”

“Of course, darling.”

She held him tight.

Isabelle walked down the dark street with purpose. All around her were other patrons of New York’s nightlife, coming and going or mingling on the street. Isabelle ignored all of them. She kept her gaze straight ahead except when she glanced at her phone to make sure she was still going in the right direction.

She’d had the same list of clubs that she visited regularly since she was a teenager, and she could have found those with her eyes closed. Going somewhere new had her on edge in a way that could just as easily have been trepidation as it was excitement.

Her senses were on high alert, so she sensed Raphael’s presence before he appeared in front of her with his arms crossed against his chest.

Isabelle scoffed. “I can’t believe it. You really are stalking me.”

“I’m not,” he said in a cool voice that made it clear he wouldn’t put much effort into defending himself. “I was on my way to one of my usual spots when I sensed you. That wouldn’t have been a big deal except you weren’t going in the direction I thought you would be.”

“How is that any of your business?”

He shrugged and glanced over his shoulder. “This area is known for gay clubs and bars.”

He said it matter-of-factly, but while there was no judgment, there was curiosity in his eyes. And Isabelle didn’t want to deal with it.

“It’s not your business.” She crossed her arms against her chest.

For a second, he watched her in silence, and Isabelle felt like she was on display.

“I’ll go with you.”

She froze. She’d expected him to harass her a bit, but she certainly hadn’t expected that.

“Why?” she asked.

Raphael shrugged. “I haven’t been to that area in a while, and you seem like you could use some moral support.”

Isabelle laughed. “You are going to give me moral support?”

“It’s better than nothing,” he said with a smirk.

She couldn’t believe that she was actually considering it, but Raphael was right to a certain extent. She’d been determined to visit one of the clubs to just see what happened, but she wasn’t sure that she’d make it through the doors without someone encouraging her.

“Fine,” she said. “But no one else hears about this.”

He nodded. “I’m great with secrets.”

The club looked remarkably like every other club Isabelle had ever visited. If she paid enough attention to the way people were paired off, then the difference was obvious, but aside from that, it was the same. At least at first glance.

“I’ve never understood why these places have to be so loud,” Raphael muttered beside her.

If she hadn’t activated her hearing rune for that exact reason, she’d never have known he’d said anything. She gave him a side eye.

“That’s funny coming from the guy who I seem to be finding outside of clubs a lot.”

Raphael shrugged. “They’re convenient places to feed.”

At her surprised look, he rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m not about to walk up to someone on the dance floor and bite their neck with no warning. That’s not how it works. At least not for any vampire with a brain.” Before she could say anything, he added, “And you don’t have to worry about me dragging anyone out into an alley either. I’m above that.”

Part of Isabelle wanted to ask more questions, but she thought better of it. They were in a packed mundane club. There was no telling who would overhear, even with the music pounding in against their eardrums.

“Are you okay with finding a guy?” she asked hesitantly. “Because that might be all you can find here.”

He rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

Without another word, he started pushing through the crowd towards the bar. Isabelle followed behind him, suddenly intimidated by the idea of walking around alone even though the plan had been to come by herself originally.

He took a seat on one of the barstools, and Isabelle followed suit, giving a quick order to the bartender, who looked annoyed when Raphael just ignored him.

“Are you bi then?” Isabelle asked, trying to carry on the conversation they’d been having. “Like Magnus?”

Raphael scoffed, and Isabelle wondered how annoyed she could make him before he abandoned her to find someone else to talk to (or to brood in a corner).

“Feeding isn’t sex,” was his only answer at first.

He waited until the bartender had given Isabelle her drink and moved further down the bar before he leaned in close and added, “I’m not interested in sex with anyone.”

Isabelle stared at him. She definitely hadn’t expected that. While she knew it was a stereotype, she’d always thought of feeding off another person as sexual. Maybe that was her mistake. Raphael clearly knew what she was thinking.

“Sometimes it’s sexual for them,” he admitted. “But it isn’t for me. It’s just something I need to do to survive, and feeding from a human is different from downing bagged blood. It’s like getting a home-cooked meal instead of a frozen dinner. The downside is that, sadly, it requires dealing with mundanes.”

He paused thoughtfully for a second before he asked, “Are you here to hook up with a woman tonight?”

Isabelle nearly choked on her drink over Raphael’s blunt question. He watched her expectantly as she recovered. She wanted to be angry, but she had just questioned him about his own orientation. It wasn’t like she had a leg to stand on.

“Maybe.”

She watched him for his reaction, but there wasn’t much of one aside from a quick nod. Isabelle exhaled the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

Raphael found someone before Isabelle did. Isabelle was still sitting at the bar, nursing her second drink and trying to work up her courage.

The first woman she made eye contact with started off as an accident. She’d been scanning the crowd, and the woman was already looking in her direction. Isabelle paused. It was too dark to make out the color of the woman’s eyes, but she had curly brown hair that fell down to her shoulders, and she was in a dress that emphasized how long her legs were. Isabelle let herself really look at her, and she felt a familiar flutter in her stomach.

Her grip on her glass tightened as the woman wove her way over to her, but Isabelle had practice with this, even if it wasn’t with women. She put on her usual smile, and she saw the same spark in the woman’s eyes that she’d seen in many men before.

She reached Isabelle and leaned against the bar, the picture of confidence. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. First time?”

Isabelle grinned. Now that she was being engaged in flirting, it felt easy.

“Is it that obvious?”

The woman laughed. “No, not for the reasons you might be worried about.” She leaned in closer. “I would have noticed someone as gorgeous as you around here before.”

The light fluttering in her stomach grew. It was hard to doubt just what she was feeling anymore, and the feeling was invigorating.

She leaned in close as well. A whiff of the woman’s perfume caught her nose, enticing her further. “Well, lucky me catching the attention of someone like you.”

The woman smirked. “I’m Jamie.”

“Isabelle.”

Jamie’s eyes glanced over at the crowd before she turned back to Isabelle.

“Would you like to dance?”

Isabelle took the offered hand, the remains of her drink forgotten.

The next morning, when she woke up in Jamie’s bed, some things were clearer. But many others were just as confusing as always.

Chapter Text

Isabelle arrived back at the institute feeling invigorated. For a moment, she could forget about Simon and Maia to focus instead on how vibrant the world felt. Part of her worried that it was too soon to label herself as bisexual. Maybe it would be smarter to hold out and make sure that it felt right, but it felt so right in the moment that she couldn’t imagine it going away.

Besides, she was about to burst with the realization of it by the time she sat down with Alec, Clary, and Jace in the cafeteria for breakfast. She’d gone back to her room to freshen up first, but they seemed to know that she’d been out all night, even if they didn’t mention it. Isabelle didn’t mind.

She glanced around at them. They were all half asleep, their coffee not quite kicking in yet, but it was probably the only time she’d get all three of them in one place.

“I think I’m bisexual,” she said matter-of-factly.

It felt good to get it out there. She broke out into a wide smile as giddiness overtook her.

The others smiled at her too.

“Congratulations.” Alec wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a quick hug. “Are you telling everyone or just us?”

Isabelle hesitated, a niggle of insecurity bothering her again, but she shoved it down. She didn’t have time for that.

“Yeah, I’m telling everyone,” she said.

It probably wouldn’t be blasted over a bullhorn or plastered on a poster, but she didn’t want to hide from it either. It felt too right to deny it anymore.

For a few days, Isabelle rode on the high of her newly discovered sexuality. Everything else stayed on the backburner until Simon’s name popped up on her caller ID. For a split second, she considered not answering, but avoidance would only make things worse. And it wasn’t very her.

Her stomach twisted uncomfortably as she held her phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Isabelle, hi!” Simon gave a short laugh, almost as if he hadn’t expected her to answer. “Sorry for calling out of the blue.”

“It’s fine.” And it really was.

Talking to him was confirming that any romantic interest she’d had in him was fading, but she still did like Simon as a person. She didn’t want him to feel like talking to him was a burden, even if some of her embarrassment over the situation lingered.

“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with Maia and me on Friday night. I invited Clary, but she said she and Jace have a date night planned. I was already going to invite you, but with Clary gone, I figured you might especially be in search of something fun to do, so…if you wanted to come…”

Isabelle liked Simon, but he also perplexed her. It wasn’t common to keep inviting other girls over on what could easily have been dates. (Unless you were a certain type of guy, but Isabelle felt quite confident that Simon wasn’t that type of guy.) The idea of seeing Maia again made her stomach flutter and her palms sweat, but she couldn’t bear to watch the two of them together while being the awkward third wheel.

“Could I invite a friend?”

Isabelle mentally cursed at herself. Clary was busy, as Simon already knew, and there were only so many other people who Isabelle would feel comfortable dragging along in such an awkward situation.

There was some shuffling from Simon’s end of the line before he said, “Uh, sure. Who did you have in mind?”

Isabelle’s mind raced. “Raphael,” she blurted out.

The line went dead silent. Isabelle recalled far too late that Simon knew Raphael better than she did, though they weren’t exactly close if her intel was up-to-date. She also wasn’t keen on explaining that she’d thought of Raphael because he had been popping up at the bars she went to.

“Raphael Santiago?” Simon asked.

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you were friends.”

Isabelle laughed. “It’s a new development, and I’m not sure we’re friends exactly.”

“Oh!” Simon exclaimed. “Are you…”

Isabelle gasped as she realized where Simon’s mind had led him. “No! No, that’s not what I meant. There’s nothing romantic between me and Raphael. Absolutely not. I just meant that we’ve only talked a few times, and those were more because of happenstance than anything else.”

“Ah, okay.”

Thankfully, Simon didn’t seem keen to dig for more details.

“I can’t see Raphael wanting to come,” he said, “but if you can convince him, then sure. I’m curious to see what he’s like when he’s not haunting a hotel.”

Isabelle laughed. “So am I.”

She felt a bit lighter as they hung up the phone. The prospect of having fun with Simon and Maia wasn’t all bad, but then she remembered that she had to convince Raphael of the same thing, lest she watch the object of her affections flirt with her maybe boyfriend all night without a distraction.

It was astonishingly easy to get Raphael to come. He hadn’t believed her when she asked at first, but when he heard the apprehension in her voice, he’d said yes. As they walked to Simon’s apartment together, though, she could see the apprehension in his eyes.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked.

“No,” Isabelle admitted, “but that’s because I’m about to hang out with the girl I kind of like and the guy she’s dating. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

Raphael scoffed. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that. Most of my clan wanted Simon to lead them at one point. Things might get complicated if others find out that I’m spending my Friday evenings in his apartment.”

Isabelle eyed him. “Do your clan members stake out apartments or something? Why would they know?”

Raphael shook his head, smirking. “Not typically, but we do have a knack for noticing things that many don’t.”

Isabelle thought back to Raphael randomly standing outside at the clubs she’d visited and was inclined to agree.

“It’ll be fine,” Isabelle said. “If anything, it’ll do you and Simon some good to deal with whatever tension you have going on between you.”

Raphael raised an eyebrow. “We have tension?”

Isabelle laughed. “Of course you do. It’s understandable considering how Simon became a vampire in the first place.”

They walked on in silence for a minute before Raphael said, “Are you hoping my presence will distract Simon so you can talk to Maia alone?”

Isabelle froze, her eyes wide. “No,” she sputtered. “I’m bringing you, so I’ll be distracted from Maia, if anything. I’m not trying to break them up. That’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do.”

“Okay.”

Raphael didn’t look like he believed her, but Isabelle was determined not to linger on it. She knew that the more she protested, the guiltier she looked.

Simon’s eyes snapped to Raphael as soon as he opened the door. Raphael gave a slight incline of his head and said, “Hello.”

Simon bit back a smile. “Hi. Izzy must have some dirt on you if she convinced you to come.”

“It wasn’t that hard actually,” Isabelle said.

Simon raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment further. He stepped aside. “Come on in.”

Maia was standing a few feet inside the door and smiled when she saw them. Isabelle put on her best smile as her stomach fluttered.

“Can I interest you in a video game?” Simon asked Raphael, a challenging look in his eye.

Raphael hesitated. “I’ve never played before.”

“We can start you with something like Mario Party. Ease you in.”

Raphael hesitated another second before giving a decisive nod of his head. “Okay. Fine.”

Simon blinked like he hadn’t expected Raphael to agree. Isabelle and Maia watched as Simon led Raphael over to the couch, both a little awkward as Simon handed Raphael a controller and tried to explain what each of the buttons did.

After a moment, Maia turned to Isabelle.

“Want a drink?” She motioned toward the kitchen.

Isabelle hesitated. She’d brought Raphael precisely to avoid this kind of thing, but it wasn’t like they were completely alone. The kitchen opened up to the living room. It’s not like they were locked in a room together.

“Sure.”

They lingered in the kitchen longer than Isabelle had expected, both of them with drinks in hand. Both Simon and Raphael turned out to be competitive at video games, but Simon’s years of experience gave him an upper hand. Raphael grew increasingly frustrated but no less determined to eventually beat Simon at something. When he finally bested, Simon let out a shout that even the mundane neighbors would be able to hear.

Maia observed them, tilting her head to the side. “They’re kind of cute together.”

Isabelle’s eyes widened. Did Maia mean that in the way it sounded? She turned to look at them herself. Her cheeks stung from smiling at their antics, so maybe Maia was on to something. Raphael had opened up to her about being uninterested in sex, but she wasn’t sure what that meant in its entirety.

She wasn’t particularly concerned about it at the moment anyway. She was far more concerned with the fact that Maia apparently thought about her boyfriend being cute with other people. What did that mean?

When she said, “I guess so,” it inadvertently came out strangled.

Maia turned to her, eyebrows high. “Sorry. Are the two of you involved with each other? Should I not have said anything?”

Isabelle nearly laughed at the absurdity of Maia asking her that.

“We’re not involved,” she said emphatically. She hesitated, her hands shaking, before she added, “But I’m surprised you’d say that considering you and Simon…you know.”

It was Maia’s turn to look surprised. “Simon and I aren’t together!” she said, the words coming out quick and jumbled together.

Isabelle gasped. “Oh. Sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. It’s just that you spend so much time together…”

Maia smiled. “It’s fine. We are good friends. It’s been nice having Simon around lately. I feel a lot better with him around then when he’s not around.”

“I can understand that.” Isabelle turned back to the guys, who were bantering back and forth while they raced each other on Mario Kart.

Isabelle buzzed with energy. Maia wasn’t involved with Simon, and if she was spending a lot of time with him, she might not be involved with anyone at all.

“I’ve been going through a lot,” she said, keeping her eyes on the guys. “Actually, I realized I was bisexual recently.”

For a split second, she thought she might die. Coming out to Maia held none of the ease that coming out to her brothers and Clary had. But then Maia hit her gently in the arm and exclaimed, “Good for you! And welcome to the club.”

She laughed at Isabelle’s shocked face.

“I’m bi too,” she said. “I’ve been out a while.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

Maia smiled. “I think there’s a lot about each other that we don’t know yet.”

Isabelle was inclined to agree.

When Isabelle slipped under the covers later that night, she was giddy. She clenched the sheets in her hands and wiggled around, trying to release the energy bubbling up inside of her. It was a different type of happiness than what she’d experienced the morning she’d woken up at Jamie’s house.

She wouldn’t be able to sleep. She’d known that before she’d even crawled into bed, but the prospect of laying there daydreaming about Maia was more appealing than sleep anyway.

There wasn’t anything happening between Maia and Simon. As far as Isabelle could tell, Maia was single. And bisexual. She smothered her face with the pillow as she fought the urge to squeal.

Chapter Text

Isabelle finally had Maia’s number. They’d exchanged them towards the end of their last hang out session at Simon’s apartment, and the knowledge that she could text Maia whenever she felt like it niggled at the back of her mind, making it difficult to do anything productive.

She didn’t want to seem eager by contacting her too much, even though she very much was. Something about accepting that she wanted a serious relationship had left Isabelle reeling. The emotions she felt towards Maia were nothing like what she’d felt for others in the past, and though she kept reminding herself that it could be partially her own realizations about herself, not just Maia, she couldn’t shake off how she felt.

Her phone buzzed, and Isabelle immediately discarded her work to check it, her stomach fluttering when she saw that it was an invitation to dinner from Maia.

They hadn’t seen each other again since the evening at Simon’s apartment, but they’d been texting at least once a day. Flirting with guys had always been easy, but Isabelle struggled to decide whether what she and Maia were doing was flirting. If Maia were a guy, it absolutely would have been, but Isabelle wasn’t sure what the boundaries were with girls. She’d hardly been around other kids or teenagers growing up, and those who were around—namely, her brothers—had been boys. Of course, the girl she’d been closest to as a kid, Aline Penhallow, was a lesbian, but she’d been closeted during their teenage years. She hadn’t exactly loaded Isabelle up with information.

Dinner together though. That was a very couple-y thing to do. The invitation didn’t make any mention of another person. But friends could have dinner together and it be completely platonic. Isabelle had gone out to eat with Magnus not too long ago after all.

She googled the place that Maia had mentioned in her message. It was a fancy French restaurant almost exactly equal distance between the institute and the Jade Wolf. It sure looked like a date spot. Isabelle squealed. She was getting ahead of herself, but it was hard not to.

She typed back an affirmative response, not doing much to hide her excitement.

Maybe it was a date, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, she was going to make it a night that neither she nor Maia forgot.

Isabelle put on her best dress for the dinner. Considering she was known for wearing what she wanted without caring what others thought, she didn’t think it would stand out too much even if the dinner wasn’t actually a date.

She buzzed with excitement as she hurried down the street. She was a little worried, which was unlike her. She was more likely to show up right on time or a few minutes late, but she hadn’t been able to take standing around in her room anymore.

She was prepared to go in and wait at their table, but then she caught sight of Maia standing outside the restaurant. She smiled. Maybe Maia was just as excited as she was, if she’d arrived so early. Isabelle went to approach her, but then Maia stepped to the side, and Isabelle realized she wasn’t alone. Simon was with her, laughing at something Maia had just said.

Isabelle’s stomach dropped. Maia hadn’t mentioned anyone else in her messages. Isabelle had been sure that it would be just the two of them at dinner, but whatever. She put on a brave face. She liked Simon. Dinner with Simon and Maia wouldn’t be bad. She could still charm Maia even if Simon was there.

As she went to take a step forward, Simon wrapped an arm around Maia’s waist, tugging her close. Isabelle clenched her purse tight against her stomach. Friends hugged. Simon and Maia were friends. Maia had been clear that there wasn’t anything between them.

But maybe things had changed. Maybe Maia did have feelings for him and had given up hope when she said those things to Isabelle. If Simon had expressed feelings, maybe Maia had realized she now had a chance. A lot could change in a week.

She watched as Maia pressed a kiss to Simon’s cheek before she turned away and started going back the way she’d come from, moving with speed before they could see her.

It was a move she’d pay for later when Maia realized that she wasn’t showing up, but Simon and Maia would be fine. They had each other to eat with after all. They didn’t need her.

Isabelle fell into bed the moment she got home, her dress bunching up around her thighs and her makeup smearing on the pillow. Her eyes were already wet, the result of two rounds of tears that had hit her on the subway. Thankfully, most of the institute was out hunting, and no one had seen her sneak into her room.

Her phone buzzed in the blankets, and at first, Isabelle ignored it. When it buzzed a second time, she fished it out. It was a text from Simon saying that he hoped she was okay and that they were worried when she hadn’t shown up. Isabelle tossed the phone down, not trusting herself to compose a response in her distress. That was a problem for the Isabelle of tomorrow.

For that night, all she could think about was Maia and Simon, on what was effectively a date now that Isabelle wasn’t there.

Unlike Simon, Maia never sent her a message.

Chapter Text

A sleepless night bled into a restless morning. Isabelle’s phone got lost in the sheets of her bed, and judging by the fact her usual alarm didn’t go off, it had gone dead sometime in the night. Isabelle didn’t notice until several hours after it should have gone off, when the amount of sunlight in the room tipped her off.

She wasn’t sure what time it was. Fishing for her phone and plugging it in would have been too much effort. It was still the weekend—at least she was pretty sure it was—which meant that she had no reason to get up. Her stomach growled, but if she waited long enough, that would fade too.

The painful thoughts of Maia and Simon had faded to a more ambiguous sorrow that filled every inch of her body. Even though she was laying in bed, she was even more tired than she’d been when she laid down. Just as her brain had been giving into sleep, the sunlight had made it that much harder to actually stay asleep. It was like a war was being fought in her brain.

She’d mostly given up on sleep and was staring at the ceiling, phone still forgotten in the blankets, when someone knocked on the door. She turned her head towards it. The temptation to ignore the knock was strong. She had to look as shit as she felt.

“Izzy, are you in there?” Alec’s voice carried through the door. “You’re not answering your phone.”

Isabelle sighed. She hadn’t considered the possibility that they’d think she’d disappeared. She’d always been back home by the early morning when she stayed out all night. She was simultaneously touched that Alec had paid attention and hurt that he didn’t think she could handle herself.

She briefly wished she was a warlock so that she could open the door without getting up. Alec kept knocking as she laid there contemplating what she could do with the least amount of effort.

“I’m here,” she called, her voice croaky from disuse. “You can come in.”

Alec pushed the door open and hovered in the doorway, looking in on her with apprehension. Isabelle didn’t bother to sit up. Alec had seen her in worse physical states.

Someone walked down the hallway behind Alec, and the movement snapped him out of his worry. He stepped inside, clicking the door shut behind him and perched himself on the side of Isabelle’s bed.

“What happened to you?”

Isabelle shrugged. She didn’t care if Alec heard the whole story, really, but the idea of explaining it left her even more exhausted.

“I don’t feel well.”

Alec squinted at her. “Shadowhunters don’t get sick.”

“That’s not true. Demon pox exists.”

Alec pressed his lips together instead of smiling. “You don’t have demon pox.”

“No,” Isabelle agreed. “I don’t, but I still don’t feel good.”

Alec looked like he would argue, so Isabelle closed her eyes and rolled over, putting her back to him.

“I’ll be fine,” she muttered. “I just need some time to rest.”

He was quiet for a second before he sighed. “Fine.” He reached over her. She cracked an eye open to see him grab her phone from the folds of the blanket. “At least plug your phone in.”

He did it for her, and Isabelle sighed, suddenly terrified of what she would find when she finally looked at it.

Alec placed his hand on her shoulder. “I’ll bring you some toast in a minute. You can eat it whenever you want.”

Isabelle nodded, burying her face further in the pillow.

Isabelle was used to keeping her emotions to herself. She’d spent years encouraging Alec to open up to her about how he felt about his sexuality and Jace, but it was always brushed off. For a while, she’d thought that she was less emotionally repressed because she wasn’t as broody, but she was starting to wonder if that was actually the case.

Maybe her bubbly nature was more of a defense mechanism than she’d allowed herself to consider.

It wasn’t wholly surprising. She’d never had anyone to open up to. Alec had been concerned with his own problems (and probably worried that Isabelle would expect him to return the favor by opening up himself before he was ready), and her parents were often gone. When they were home, they were busy training them or, in Maryse’s case in particular, unloading her own struggles onto them.

Isabelle had welcomed it at first, thinking that it made her closer to the mother who had always felt so distant, but there was no denying that Maryse had never reciprocated. Isabelle had never been given the time or space to talk about how she felt.

But that was changing.

By the evening, Isabelle had managed to drag herself out of bed. The food and water that Alec had brought her did wonders making her feel better, and the three cups of coffee she’d drunk afterward left her buzzing with energy. She’d swiped away all the notifications waiting for her without reading them and navigated straight towards her text thread with her mother.

She’d come out to her two eldest brothers and a few friends, but there were still other people to tell. She wasn’t going to let what happened with Maia put her off of it.

In a stunning contrast to the past, Maryse answered her text within minutes, and not even two hours later, Isabelle found herself in the back of Maryse’s shop with a warm cup of tea cradled in her hands.

Maryse listened to Isabelle retell everything, from her first thought that something was up to what had happened the night before. Maryse flickered through emotions. By the end of the story, she’d taken Isabelle’s hand, gripping it firmly as Isabelle’s eyes stung with tears.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” she muttered as Isabelle finished. She tugged Isabelle into a hug, and they sat there for several minutes, Maryse smoothing Isabelle’s hair as she cried out the few tears she had left.

“I’m guessing you haven’t spoken with her yet?” Maryse asked when Isabelle finally pulled away.

Isabelle made a face. She’d purposefully avoided looking at her notifications, but she doubted any of them were from Maia. Isabelle was nothing more than someone she hardly knew, after all. After being blown off, she wouldn’t be interested in having any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise.

“No. I don’t know if I’m going to.”

Maryse nodded, but she was frowning.

“Do you think I should?” Isabelle asked in surprise. Maryse Lightwood was a master at keeping her emotions locked up tight.

“It helps to have the full picture,” she said with a gentle smile. “It sounds like you had a misunderstanding. After talking it out, you might find that things are simpler than you realize right now.”

Isabelle frowned. “I don’t know that I can handle being just friends with her. Not right now.”

“Understandable. Still, a conversation can be good for closure.”

Isabelle stared down into her tea. Closure was for actual relationships, not short-lived crushes that crashed and burned before making it off the runway.

“Maybe,” she said.

Isabelle was self-aware enough to admit that maybe she was starting to rely on clubs too much. It was a bit odd. She’d been to plenty of clubs in her time. Going multiple weekends in a row wasn’t unheard of for her, but it felt different this time. Not different enough to keep her from going, but different enough to make her think about it more than she wanted to.

Another problem was that she could no longer go to clubs without Raphael Santiago showing up at them too apparently. He was already at the gay club when she arrived, lounging on the wall of a nearby building like he’d been waiting for her.

At least, if she had a problem, he did too.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he said as he approached.

Isabelle sighed. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you’re lonely.”

A flash of something unreadable crossed Raphael’s face, and she almost regretted saying it.

“I haven’t been too bad actually,” he said, his usual confidence quickly returning. “Inexplicably, I’ve been spending time with Simon Lewis.”

Isabelle stared at him with wide eyes. Sure, Raphael had seemed to have fun playing video games, but she’d never expected him to admit that much, let alone go back.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“Huh. Everything really is changing, isn’t it?”

Raphael laughed as they began walking towards the club entrance together. “I’ve been alive long enough to witness quite a bit of change. In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t that big.”

That was something about vampires and warlocks that Isabelle didn’t like thinking about: their long lifespans. The idea of living for over a century made her shiver. While change could just as easily be good as it could bad, she couldn’t imagine looking around and realizing that you lived in an entirely different world than the one you grew up in.

Just outside the door, Raphael stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“He’s upset, you know?”

Isabelle frowned at him. “Who? Simon?”

Raphael nodded. “You didn’t show up to that restaurant, and you never texted him back when he tried to check up on you.”

Isabelle glanced away. Simon had texted her a few times since that night, and she’d ignored them. A few times she’d come close to blocking him all together, but she didn’t have the heart to go through with it.

Maia hadn’t messaged her at all.

“I’ve been busy.”

“And yet here you are at a club.”

Isabelle glared at him. “I’ll talk to him eventually, but it’s not like I’m mortally wounding him. He’ll be fine. He’s not even interested in me.”

Raphael looked at her as if she’d grown an extra head. “There are more types of interest than romantic interest.”

Isabelle tugged her arm out of his grip. “It’s fine, Raphael. I just want to dance and forget everything else, okay?”

She didn’t glance behind her to see if he agreed.

Isabelle’s promise to Raphael that she would message Simon hadn’t been a lie. She’d really thought that she would do it in the coming days. But she was actually busy. Sure, a lot of that was her actively searching for things to get her mind off her personal life, but still, she hardly glanced at her phone as the week progressed.

It was never going to be a permanent solution, especially when Simon’s lifelong best friend lived at the institute alongside her.

Isabelle had hoped she would work up the energy to text him before he showed up right in front of her.

She had the misfortune of being in the ops room when he arrived. He glanced around and caught sight of Isabelle immediately. She froze, unable to look away and pretend like she was too focused on work to notice him.

He shot her a hesitant smile and wave that she returned. As he approached, her heart raced in her chest.

“Hey, Izzy.”

“Simon, hi.” She gave a nervous laugh. “Fancy seeing you here.”

He frowned briefly before forcing another smile. “Yeah, Clary said we could go get lunch.” He hesitated a second. “Would you want—”

“Oh, no.” Another nervous laugh. “I’m busy here.”

And she was. Because she’d asked Alec to let her digitize a bunch of old paper records that were older than her grandparents. They’d been sitting in boxes in the basement untouched for years, waiting for Isabelle to get her heart broken.

“Of course.” Simon stuck his hands deep in his pockets, tugging his arms close to his sides. “You’re working.”

Isabelle nodded. The conversation trailed off awkwardly. Isabelle wanted to turn back to her work, but Simon was still standing there. She knew they should address the dinner, but she didn’t know how. The bland excuse of having been busy felt wholly inadequate with him standing in front of her. She really should have texted him as soon as she’d seen his message.

“You’re okay?” Simon asked suddenly. “Maia and I were worried when you didn’t show up at the restaurant. Clary promised you were just busy, but it seemed pretty bad considering you didn’t answer any of my messages.”

There was a spark of annoyance in his eyes, but he was trying his best to keep it at bay. Isabelle felt even worse for what she’d been doing, both to Simon and apparently Clary, who she felt like she owed a favor to now.

“Yeah, I’m extremely sorry. Some stuff came up that night that threw me for a loop. I didn’t handle it so well.”

Her cheeks burned at the admission, but Simon didn’t ask her more about it. The only hint that he was curious was a raised eyebrow. Isabelle wasn’t sure if she felt better or worse after her half-admission.

She probably could have told him she’d had a sexuality crisis. After all, she’d told Maia, and she’d sworn to herself that she wasn’t going to hide it from anyone. But bringing it up in this context felt too dangerous, like Simon would easily connect the dots back to Maia.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “Maybe we could have dinner this weekend to make up for it?”

Isabelle’s stomach churned, but her smile widened. “Sure! That sounds great.”

It didn’t, but she couldn’t avoid him forever. And she really didn’t want this to be the end of their relationship.

“Great. I’ve got to go find Clary, but I’ll text you.” He smirked. “Hopefully I’ll hear from you this time.”

Isabelle gave a short, nervous laugh. “You will. I promise.”

That evening, Isabelle finally heard from Maia. The texts came through while she was brushing her teeth, and Isabelle didn’t see them until she was back in her bedroom. Her stomach dropped, and her heart pounded in her ears as she opened the messages. She had to read them three times before she fully comprehended what they said.

Maia: Hey, Simon said that he saw you today
Maia: I’m not going to lie, I’m a little pissed, but I’m glad you’re okay.

Her eyes stung. She’d known that Maia was undoubtedly annoyed, but hearing it said was enough to set her off all over again. She closed the phone, not sure how to respond. Not even sure if Maia wanted her to respond.

She turned the phone face down and got into bed, burying herself under the covers.

Chapter Text

Isabelle didn’t follow through on the promise to do something with Simon. She tried several times, but an excuse always came, some more valid than others. As the days stretched on, she did make an effort to engage with him over text, and it was nice. After a while, it was even comfortable. Simon acted distant, which she knew was her fault, but things were relatively easy. If she hung out with him in person or saw him with Maia, things probably wouldn’t be as easy.

She’d never thought of herself as someone who avoided things, but she was starting to think that would be a lie.

Diving head first into killing a demon was easy. As was flirting in bars.

But the things that really mattered were harder. If she took the time to think about it, there were many things she’d avoided over the years. She covered them up with the easy things and pretended they weren’t there.

At least she had Clary. Despite her and Jace’s relationship going well, she began making a greater effort to hang out with Isabelle. Isabelle knew that Clary had grown even more distant with Simon in the process, and it made her feel bad. Yet bringing it up with her was yet another thing that Isabelle had begun to avoid.

One Thursday, they found themselves having lunch at a mundane restaurant in Brooklyn. It was a popular place that Clary had heard about on mundane social media, and Isabelle could see why it was getting attention. The interior was cutely decorated, and the food visibly appealing, even if it tasted more or less the same as a million other restaurants.

Isabelle had been stuck in her own head for a long time, but she wasn’t so oblivious that she didn’t notice Clary’s fidgeting.

“What is it?” she asked as she finished off the last bite of her hamburger. “You’ve been acting weird all day.”

Inexplicably, Clary smiled. “Sorry. It’s just that I have something to ask you, and I don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

Isabelle stared at her, her stomach twisting. Was Clary going to bring up Simon? Maia? They’d been having such an enjoyable meal.

“It’s nothing bad,” Clary rushed to add. “At least I hope not.”

Isabelle nodded, even though it didn’t actually put her at ease.

Clary wiped her fingers on her napkin taking her time with each finger. “Have you ever considered having a parabatai?”

Isabelle’s eyes widened. “Is that an offer?”

Clary shrugged, flashing Isabelle a sheepish smile. “Maybe. If you’re interested.”

Isabelle squealed and flew up from her chair to throw her arms around Clary. The corner of her open jacket went in the ketchup on Clary’s plate, but she hardly cared. Clary laughed as she hugged her back.

“I guess you have thought about it then.”

Isabelle shook her head as she sat back down and set to work dabbing at the quickly forming ketchup stain. “Not really. There was never anyone to consider, but…” She trailed off shaking her head. “I’d love to be your parabatai, Clary. We may not have known each other that long in reality, but I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

As she said it, she was struck by the reality of it. Clary had been there for her over the past couple of months in a way that no one else had. She’d be eternally grateful for that.

Isabelle didn’t think anything of it when her phone buzzed. She’d long since stopped worrying that it was Maia each time, but when saw Maia’s name on the screen, her heart stopped.

Maia: I haven’t heard from you in a while, so I wanted to check in and make sure you’re okay
Maia: If you don’t want to talk to me, then I won’t bother you again

Isabelle’s heart raced in her chest. Maia and Simon certainly talked every day. Maia had to know that Isabelle had begun speaking to Simon regularly. She wouldn’t have a clue why Isabelle found it impossible to talk to her.

By the angel, what if she thought that Isabelle was out to steal her boyfriend? The idea made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.

She stared at the messages, trying to convince herself to reply. There was a finality to them that made it seem like it was her last chance.

Maybe that was a good thing, all things considered. Keeping Simon in her life was enough of a risk, but it was a somewhat necessary one now that she and Clary were set to become parabatai. Even if she and Simon grew apart, they’d still be childhood best friends. Isabelle couldn’t imagine them forsaking each other completely.

Chapter Text

Avoiding Simon worked for a while, but Isabelle had always known the day would come when she was forced to deal with the situation.

It was Clary who took the initiative. They were deep in planning their parabatai ceremony. The ceremony itself was something that was clouded in secrecy for most, with only a select few members of the Clave and those who’d gone through it knowing the specifics of what happened during it. But Alec had been adamant that they would throw a celebration party afterward, and Clary was hopeful that Simon would come.

Isabelle wouldn’t stop him. She knew better than to begin her life as a parabatai by forcing Clary to cut Simon out of her life completely.

“Are you sure you want to come?” Clary asked hesitantly as they stepped out of the institute. “I’m more than happy to ask him myself.”

“And wait to see him until the day of the party?” Isabelle shook her head. “Better to get it out of the way now.”

Clary grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze before releasing it. “I’m sure everything will be fine,” she said. “Simon’s not one for dramatics unless he’s in the middle of a D&D campaign.”

Isabelle didn’t know what that meant, but she was too nervous to fish for more information. She assumed it was probably something to do with video games. Or maybe movies. Those were the things that excited Simon the most in her experience.

Simon was awkward as he let them into the apartment and ushered them over to his couch. He offered them drinks and nearly spilled them when his foot collided with the leg of a chair.

It was like when Isabelle had first met him. There’d been a brief time where she could have teased him about it, but now, that felt inappropriate. They’d ended up right back where they started, and she didn’t want to call attention to it.

At least his relationship with Clary hadn’t been as obliterated as his relationship with her. Clary smirked and said, “Nice save. I guess your vampire reflexes are good for something.”

Simon laughed as he handed them the glasses.

“They do come in handy.”

He sat down in an armchair, tapping his fingers against the armrest. “So, it’s nice to see you guys, but you’re both looking at me like there’s something going on.”

Isabelle pressed her lips together to hold back a sigh, but Clary laughed.

“There is,” she said. “Isabelle and I have decided to become parabatai. There’s going to be a party after the ceremony, and we want you to come.”

Isabelle had been so nervous about seeing Simon again that she hadn’t given much thought to his reaction to finding out they were becoming parabatai. Whatever she had expected, it wasn’t the huge smile on his face.

“Oh, wow. That’s incredible.” He shook his head in surprise. “That’s a pretty big deal, isn’t it?”

Isabelle nodded, doing her best to look happy and at ease. “It’s a bond for life. Like marriage except…not.”

She knew parabatai were difficult for most non-Shadowhunters to understand, even Downworlders. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure she entirely understood it either. It was said to be something that could only be truly understood when you had a parabatai yourself, and not many Shadowhunters ever had that themselves.

Simon nodded, and Isabelle was surprised to see that he appeared entirely at ease with that explanation. In the past, when the subject had come up with Downworlders Isabelle knew, they’d pressed for a better explanation of what it meant, like they couldn’t quite make it click in their heads and were unsettled by that.

Isabelle set her drink down on the coffee table as her hands grew shaky. She cleared her throat. “You should invite Maia.”

Clary’s gaze snapped to her, but Isabelle was looking directly at Simon. He raised an eyebrow, nodding slowly.

“I can if you want, but don’t you want to invite her yourself?”

Isabelle glanced at Clary, who looked between them in slight confusion. Did Simon not know how long it had been since Isabelle had talked to Maia?

“I could,” she said slowly, already developing a sense that she was going to regret what she was saying. “But since she’s your girlfriend, I thought it would be easier to invite you at the same time.”

Simon’s brow furrowed deeply. He glanced at Clary like he was trying to figure something out.

“Maia and I aren’t together,” he said awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck. “We never were. We were always just friends. I…” He trailed off, mouth still opening and closing like he wanted to say more but couldn’t come up with the words.

Isabelle’s ears rang, and her stomach twisted unpleasantly.

“But you were always together?” she said, her own voice taking on a tinny quality in her head.

Simon shrugged. “Yeah, because we’re friends. To be honest, there was a point where I thought we might be something more, but we never were. Maia let me down gently.” He looked between them helplessly. “I didn’t know that anyone had assumed we were together.”

Isabelle’s cheeks were on fire. The room was starting to spin.

“Iz?” Clary asked, her hand finding Isabelle’s arm. “Are you okay?”

Isabelle nodded even though it was an obvious lie. “I need to go.” She stood up and grabbed her purse, nearly knocking over her drink in the process.

She was making a scene. Simon undoubtedly had questions about her strong reaction to simple news, but Isabelle couldn’t bring herself to care. She’d already fucked up her relationship with him in ways that should have been beyond repair, yet he’d been nothing but kind to her.

She didn’t deserve it.

Clary stood up, following her a few steps as Isabelle went towards the door. “I’ll come with you.”

“No.” Isabelle held out a hand to stop her. “I’ll be fine. You should stay. Spend some time with your best friend.”

Clary glanced at Simon, but Isabelle didn’t dare do so herself. Her shame wouldn’t allow it. While she did feel guilty leaving Clary to deal with the mess herself, she wasn’t in a state to provide much help.

She needed to escape.

She emerged onto the street and took deep breaths. The sun had just barely set, and the air was cooling down. It felt nice against her face. Slowly, she regained her awareness. She could make it back to the institute without having a breakdown.

“Isabelle Lightwood, fancy seeing you here.”

She spun around, her whip unraveling into her hand. Raphael merely smirked at her from where he was leaning against the wall of Simon’s apartment building.

“Jesus Christ,” Isabelle muttered, her whip once again wrapping itself around her wrist. Her previous confusion and sadness morphed into anger. “What the hell is wrong with you? First, I start seeing you outside every club I see, and now you’re here at Simon’s when I just happen to be. It’s starting to become harder and harder to believe that you’re not stalking me, Santiago.”

Her strong words did nothing to deter him. He only smirked at her. “Maybe we just enjoy the same spots. Have you considered that?”

She had for a bit, but she wasn’t in the mood to give him the benefit of the doubt. Raphael pushed himself off the wall, his eyes darting up to the window that might have been Simon’s.

“I’m only visiting Simon.”

Isabelle raised an eyebrow. Sure, she’d brought Raphael to Simon’s once, and they’d had fun as far as she could tell. But for him to have been coming often enough that they just happened to run into each other…

“He's a vampire without a coven. Or much of anyone else,” Raphael said in answer to her unasked question. “I’m part of the reason he’s like this.”

Isabelle eyed him. She didn’t quite buy that explanation. Not when it was Raphael she was speaking to.

“So, what, are you acting like his dad now?”

Raphael cringed. “I’d rather not use that phrasing.”

“Big brother?”

He shot her a look. “Is there a reason we can’t stick with ‘friend’?”

Isabelle tilted her head to the side. “So, you’re admitting that you like him.”

Raphael laughed. “Believe it or not, I’m not so soulless that I’m incapable of having relationships. However, I do prefer to know I can trust them first.”

Isabelle bit her lip. Maybe her and Raphael were enough alike that them winding up in the same places wasn’t wildly off base.

“If you’re so close to Simon now, why didn’t you tell me that he and Maia aren’t dating then?”

Raphael’s eyes widened. “Dating?”

Isabelle realized that she’d made yet another error.

“Did you think they were?” Raphael asked.

Isabelle groaned. Turning away from him, she sat herself down on the curb, ignoring the disgusting concrete underneath her. Raphael followed, though he contented himself to eyeing the pavement distrustfully instead of sitting down.

“If I’d realized there’d been such a large miscommunication, I would have said something,” he said. “It was always apparent to me that Maia was far more interested in you then she was Simon.”

Isabelle tilted her head back to look at him so quickly that she pulled a muscle. She ignored it. There were runes for that later.

“What!?”

Raphael laughed. “Is that what the recent drama has been about? Simon was upset that you weren’t talking to him much, you know? Like I said, he’s been lonely. If I’d realized it was because of something so ridiculous, I would have intervened much sooner.”

“You think Maia likes me?”

“I’m assuming that’s why she still fumes whenever your name gets mentioned over a month after you stood her and Simon up, yes.”

Isabelle stared at a car parked on the opposite side of the street. Raphael was right; it was ridiculous. She jumped slightly when Raphael laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Maia’s angry,” he said with more patience than she was probably owed, “but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. I’ve seen people come back from far worse.”

God, Isabelle hoped he was right.

People were still leaving for their patrols when Isabelle arrived back at the institute. There were teams scattered around the ops room, each conversing about their assigned task and their strategies to accomplish it. They were too caught up in their work to notice Isabelle. It helped that she was still doing a decent job of holding it together.

Alec was tapping away on a tablet when Isabelle stumbled into his office. A flash of annoyance crossed his features when he heard someone at the door. No doubt he had expected his work to already be over for the night. He wanted to get back to Magnus. Isabelle felt a stab of guilt, but before she could flee, he looked at her and the annoyance shifted to worry.

“Iz, you okay?”

She shook her head as she rushed across the room and threw herself in his arms. He wrapped her up tight.

The walk home had taken what little energy she had. Alec navigated her to the couch while still holding her, and Isabelle deflated as soon as she didn’t have to hold herself up. At some point, she would have to explain to him what had happened, but she couldn’t manage it yet. And, thankfully, he asked no questions.

She cried until her eyes were sore and Alec’s shirt wet.

“How do you and Magnus make it look so easy?” she asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Alec actually laughed, though not unkindly, and shifted her in his arms. “Do you not remember when we met Magnus?”

Isabelle did, but she hadn’t thought about it in ages. She felt foolish now that she did. At one point, she’d really thought that Alec would go through with the marriage to Lydia, that he would be miserable for the rest of his life. He’d been as foolish as her, just in a different way.

Not that she would tell him that. Not after he’d gotten his shit together and she was still such a mess.

He pulled her back in tight.

“You’ll figure it out, Izzy. If I did, then there’s no reason you can’t either.”

Chapter Text

Isabelle had no idea how long she’d sat there in Alec’s arms before she began to open up about the situation. What had at first felt impossible, came out in a rush, entirely intelligible at times. Alec listened with a patience he didn’t often possess, his frown growing ever deeper.

“It’s a disaster,” Isabelle concluded, leaning back against the sofa with such force that she bounced against it.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Alec said, even though he was still frowning at her. “There was a misunderstanding.”

Isabelle gave a shrill laugh. Misunderstandings happened, but mess ups like what she’d pulled off were light years away from something as simple as mishearing a name or not remembering which day of the week you’d made plans for.

“Are you going to talk to Maia?”

Isabelle took a deep breath. She’d been too wrapped up in misery to begin thinking about next steps, but now that Alec had brought it up, terror washed over her.

“What would I say? She doesn’t know that I like her, and I’m supposed to explain that I completely screwed our friendship up because I thought she was dating Simon and couldn’t handle it? It will make me sound crazy.”

Alec was quiet for a moment.

“If you say it in that panicked tone, it might,” he agreed, ignoring Isabelle’s glare. “But you can still apologize.”

Isabelle shook her head. “I don’t think an apology is enough.”

“Maybe it’s not enough to smooth everything over, but it’s a start.”

With a groan, Isabelle leaned forward with her elbows digging into her thighs, burying her head in her hands. Alec rubbed at her back. Glancing at the clock, Isabelle realized that it had gotten much later than she’d realized. Her stinging eyes could hardly stay open, yet she knew that she’d lay awake for ages if she tried to sleep.

Sensing her uneasiness, Alec spoke. “Do you want to come over to Magnus’ with me?”

Isabelle shot him a look from the corner of her eye. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not a burden, Iz. Magnus cares about you too. He probably has plenty of wisdom he’d be willing to give you for a situation like this.”

It was tempting, but Isabelle wasn’t sure she had it in her to explain the whole story to someone else quite so soon. She couldn’t deny that getting out of the institute would probably be good for her though.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll come.”

With Alec’s help, Isabelle did manage to give Magnus the whole story. He reacted similarly to Alec, watching her with sad eyes as she struggled through certain parts. She felt even more ridiculous the second time around. Her and Maia were never a thing. There was no reason to be upset. There were plenty of other fish in the sea and whatever.

Still, couldn’t can’t shake the intense feeling of doom that had settled around her.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for a relationship,” she admitted, her eyes downcast.

“Sweetheart.” Magnus covered her hand with his. “You haven’t been given a real shot.”

Isabelle scoffed. “That’s just it, isn’t it? I can't even start a relationship. What kind of a sign is that?”

The look Magnus gave her was full of such sympathy that she had to look away again. Alec scooted closer to his boyfriend, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Love always involves trial and error.” Magnus smiled at Alec, patting his cheek, before he turned back to Isabelle. “Sometimes that’s small, minor arguments that you can work out. Sometimes it’s much larger. It may be that you are entirely incompatible with someone or the timing isn’t quite right. But if you keep trying, Isabelle, I know that you can succeed.”

Isabelle rubbed at her eyes. They were still raw from her crying. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because, dear, no one has been more unlucky in love than me.”

Isabelle stiffened, eyeing Magnus with uncertainty. Suddenly, she felt guilty. She didn’t know much about Magnus’ past because he’d never been keen to share, but she knew enough to suspect certain things. She’d met Camille Belcourt after all, and she knew being in a relationship with someone like that couldn’t have been easy.

Somehow, it had slipped her mind that Magnus was centuries old and, as far as she knew, had never been married. He’d always come across as so self-assured that she’d figured that must be by choice, but now, she wasn’t so sure.

She looked at him sitting with Alec. He didn’t even seem sad, unless she counted his sympathy towards her. He and Alec fit together in that way that Isabelle was envious of. They were so perfect for each other that Isabelle couldn’t imagine Magnus having had that with anyone else. And centuries sure was a long time to wait.

Sensing her thoughts, Magnus patted her hand again. “You are a catch. While I understand it’s hard to believe at times, it will work out.”

Alec, thoughtful frown on his face, finally spoke up. “I don’t think you should give up on Maia.”

Isabelle shook her head frantically. “I’ve made enough of a fool of myself. I don’t need to make it worse.”

“Why do you assume that speaking to her would make it worse?” Magnus asked with a grin.

Isabelle didn’t have a good answer for that. She didn’t want to explain that, when she imagined speaking to her, all she could imagine were disastrous situations where Maia justifiably yelled and said she never wanted to see her again.

She’d ghosted her for over a month, and Maia had done nothing to deserve it.

“Take it from someone who has only recently become an optimist,” Magnus said, breaking into her thoughts, “things will work out the way they’re meant to.”

Isabelle slept at Magnus’ that night. At least, she tried to. The chronic sleep deprivation was becoming a problem. The next morning, the exhaustion was deep in her bones. She didn’t think she’d ever get rid of it.

Despite that, she woke up with a new resolve. Magnus’ words had churned in her mind all night long. While she still didn’t know the finer details of his past, she’d pieced together enough to know that he’d been through a lot. And he hadn’t let that stop him from giving Alec a chance when he appeared.

If Magnus hadn’t given up, then Isabelle couldn’t either.

She lifted her phone off the nightstand with shaking hands. She had to retype parts of the message frequently as her nervous fingers hit the wrong buttons, but finally, she had it.

Isabelle: I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened. I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me, but if you’ll give me a chance, I’d like to explain.

The response didn’t come until Isabelle had finished brushing her death and dressing, her entire body buzzing with energy. And when it did come, the response was simple.

Maia: Okay. I’m at the Jade Wolf.

Chapter Text

Isabelle stepped into the Jade Wolf and froze. It was emptier than she’d ever seen it. The sole occupant was in a booth at the back of the restaurant: Maia.

Isabelle’s heart raced. She’d been a nervous wreck the whole way over, but now her legs really were threatening to give out from underneath her. Maia watched her approach, her expression unreadable.

“Hi.” Isabelle attempted to smile.

Maia returned it for a second before her face became unreadable again. “Hi.” She motioned at the bench across from her, which Isabelle promptly slid into.

She glanced around as if wolves would appear from thin air. “Where is everyone?”

Maia shrugged. “Out.”

She cradled a cup of coffee in her hands but didn’t ask Isabelle if she wanted anything. Isabelle didn’t ask either.

For weeks, the idea of texting Maia and telling her what was on her mind had felt suffocating. Isabelle would stare at their previous messages, and her mind would be blank. It was as if she’d had so much to say but no idea how to put it all into words without sounding crazy.

But, as she sat there across from her, everything came bubbling out from her at once, desperate to be free.

“I’ve been a complete idiot.”

Maia raised an eyebrow but didn’t otherwise respond.

Isabelle continued, “I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to speak to me again.” She laughed at herself. “You may not believe this now, but I’ve had a crush on you practically since we met, but then I saw you and Simon hugging outside that restaurant, and I thought you were together. So, like an idiot, I ran away instead of actually talking to you.”

Maia tapped her fingers against the side of her mug. “It was really shitty when you didn’t show up that night,” she said slowly. “But I realize that I fucked up too.”

Isabelle’s eyes widened. “How? You’re not the one that disappeared and went radio silent.”

“No,” Maia said with a shake of her head. “But Simon wasn’t supposed to be there that night. When I first invited you, I wanted it to be just us. I kind of thought it might be a date, if you agreed, but then I panicked at the last minute. I called Simon, freaking out, and I managed to convince him to come with me. I thought that, with him there, it would relieve some of the pressure, but obviously, it made things worse.”

“That wasn’t your fault though. You couldn’t have known.”

“Yeah.” Maia stared towards the door of the Jade Wolf, her eyes unfocused. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still really pissed that it took you weeks to contact me. I think that’s real shit considering the circumstances. If I didn’t feel a little guilty about the Simon thing, I might not have given you a second chance at all.”

Bile burned at the back of Isabelle’s throat. “I understand.”

And she did, no matter how much it stung. Still, there was hope in her after hearing Maia’s words too.

“So, you’re willing to give me a second chance?” she asked, leaning forward like the universe was drawing her towards Maia.

Maia cracked a real smile for the first time since Isabelle had arrived. “Yes. I am.” Her face grew serious again. “But I want to take it slow. Can we be friends first? Work our way up from there? I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can handle you dropping off the face of the earth again if we’re something more.”

Isabelle shook her head again. “I don’t plan on doing that. I swear I’ll be better, but I recognize that I have to prove that to you. I’m willing to take it as slow as you want.”

She clutched her hands in her lap. She’d meant it, but so much of her yearned to close the space between them, to finally cover Maia’s lips with her own. She comforted herself with the knowledge that it would happen eventually, if she fulfilled her promise.

“Good.” Maia smiled. “How about a makeup dinner then? There’s a Mexican place near here that you have to try.”

Isabelle laughed in a moment of pure joy. “That sounds incredible.”

And they did take it slow. At least in the sense that there was no kissing and no real touching aside from the occasional hug as they said goodbye. Hugs that Isabelle held onto and dreamed about at night.

It didn’t always feel slow though. Within a week, they were spending all their free time together. That free time grew a little less abundant as Isabelle and Clary neared their parabatai ceremony. (Isabelle felt a little guilty for abandoning her chosen parabatai so often, but Clary always brushed off Isabelle’s concern with a knowing smirk.) Still, they spent more time with each other than Isabelle had ever spent with anyone beyond her brothers.

She came to know Maia better than she knew anyone else. She found it stunningly easy to pick up on Maia’s mannerisms and her likes and dislikes. Her brain hung onto every nugget of knowledge connected to Maia, aware that it was to be cherished and kept. Maia did the same with her, constantly surprising Isabelle with the information she remembered. Things that Isabelle had never shared with another living soul before, not even Alec or Clary.

By the time of the parabatai ceremony, Isabelle was the happiest she’d ever been, and she couldn’t imagine that changing anytime soon. It was hard to feel alone anymore with her family, friends, and Maia each filling up their rightful places in her life.

After the ceremony, Maia found her at the party Magnus had thrown to them. Isabelle had spent the first half hour being passed around from guest to guest as they congratulated her. She and Maia had kept a distance, each of them recognizing that, once they were with each other, they wouldn’t pay attention to anyone else.

Isabelle eventually found her out on the balcony, just out of sight from the glass doors. No one else had ventured out into the chilly night air, but Maia was unbothered as she stared up at the moon.

“Hey.” Isabelle leaned against the railing next to her.

Maia smiled, and Isabelle’s heart fluttered. She hoped it never stopped.

“Hey,” Maia echoed. “Congratulations.”

People had been giving her the same sentiment all night, yet she blushed when Maia said it.

“Thank you.”

She passed her hand lightly over the parabatai rune on her chest. It was still thrumming with energy. Alec had promised her that she would grow used to it, but for the moment, she couldn’t forget it was there.

She and Maia had promised to take things slow, but something had shifted between them in recent days. She could feel it in the way Maia shifted closer as they stood there, her arm brushing against Isabelle’s.

Isabelle took her hand, entwining their fingers, and brushed her thumb over the back. Goosebumps erupted across Maia’s skin, and Isabelle felt a surge of pride knowing that she was the cause. She hoped she’d still be doing that when she was old.

She glanced over at Maia to find her already watching her. The chill in the air was completely gone as they leaned closer.

Finally, their lips touched, and Isabelle forgot about her new rune as electricity took over her whole body.

It was all the sweeter for how long it had taken them to get there.

Chapter Text

Isabelle slipped her shoes off inside the apartment door. Moving out of the institute—the only home she’d ever known—had been difficult at first, but five years later, the place she shared with Maia was exactly where she was meant to be. They’d talked before about how they’d probably find somewhere larger eventually, somewhere that would provide them room for a family. But, for the moment, what they had was perfect.

She found Maia snuggled up on the couch, the TV playing softly. Maia smiled when she entered, opening her arms to invite Isabelle into them. Isabelle didn’t need any urging. She practically fell onto Maia, causing her wife to giggle.

Soon, they were both wrapped up in the blanket, and the celebrity reality show Maia had been watching was completely forgotten.

“How did your hunt go?” Maia asked, her fingers tracing shapes along Isabelle’s back.

“Good,” she said. “Alec and Jace went with us. You know Clary has been a little stressed out with all the wedding planning, but I think she kept her mind off it for a few hours.”

“That’s good.”

Isabelle hummed in agreement. They fell into an easy silence. At the beginning of their relationship, they had talked endlessly, learning every little detail that they could about each other. More recently, Isabelle had come to appreciate the quiet moments. They knew each other so well that they didn’t always need words to communicate.

It was unlike anything she’d had before, and she cherished every moment. She never wanted to lose it.