Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As the car slowly pulled up to the front of a small building in the middle of Columbia, Neil’s regret for ever listening to his coach grew. He sighed deeply, no doubt getting on the nerves of the tall, dark-haired man sitting in the driver’s seat beside him.

“Look, I really don’t understand why coach is making me do this. It has nothing to do with Exy!”

Jean wearily turns in his seat to stare him in the eyes, “Neil, just because it isn’t Exy does not make it pointless. Now, we’ve had this conversation and I really don’t feel up for having it again. Please just go in and give it a try.”

“Whatever”, Neil mumbles.

He moves out of the car, very slowly, hoping Jean will feel bad and change his mind. Turning back to the car, with his best puppy dog face (as Thea calls it) he finds that Jean has literally leant over to his seat, closed the door and is pulling back onto the road. He doesn’t even look guilty!

Forlornly watching the back of the car turn around the corner Neil begins to make a list of ways to escape from this nightmare.

1. He could run back to his apartment, even though it would take a few hours.
2. He could use public transport, although truthfully Neil hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet and usually ends up getting lost and having to call Jean or Kevin to pick him up.
3. Hitchike. This one brings back too many memories of the past, so he quickly stops these thoughts in their tracks.

Turning back around to face the innocuous looking building, he forces himself to walk forward.

Wymack (Kevin’s father and who had told Neil many times that he was always there for him if he needed it) had made him promise to see a therapist. And that was the only reason he found himself here, because honestly he was FINE. He just didn’t want to disappoint Wymack.

Sweat collected in the grooves of his palms. Wiping them on his sweatpants, Neil pushed through the door. The mixture of cigarette smoke and hot chocolate invades his senses. Inhaling deeply, memories surge back into his mind, memories he would much rather stay in the past, thankyou very much. Shuddering softly, his eyes track carefully over the room, making note of doors (escape routes) and people (threats). There is a young mother sitting down reading a magazine and not paying attention to him at all as well as a young girl sitting behind a computer at the back of the room, where a sign sits telling customers to sign in. The girl looks up at him and smiles slightly.

“Neil Josten for 10am,” he mutters.

“Just take a seat anywhere, you won’t have to wait for long,” her voice quiet and timid. She averts her eyes quickly.

He takes a seat in the middle of the room, with nothing but his own thoughts to torment him.

Why the hell would anyone ever voluntarily see a shrink? He ponders this question whilst staring at the wall with what seems to be a picture of a grumpy cat. Its eyes seem to be boring holes in him, and he can’t find the strength to look away. Seeing as he has nothing better to do than sit here, he decides to have a staring contest with the angry being in front of him. He must have been sitting in the room for 20 minutes in stony silence when the receptionist comes over to disturb him.

She seems wary to interrupt, but on deeper inspection, it is likely to be the stony expression permanently stuck onto his face that is deterring her. Neil tries to wipe the frown from his face, because Jean is always telling him it is off putting.

“You can head through that door and wait for Bee there”, the girl says, pointing to a door on the far wall, with yet again, another grumpy cat stuck to the front. What’s with all the cats?
Jumping to his feet and stretching slightly, he makes his way through the door into a corridor with yet another couple of doors. The hallway smells even more strongly of cigarette smoke, forcing him back to another time. He can’t help his hands from shaking as the memories assault his senses: the feel of the slick blood and its metallic scent.

A sharp sting in his leg has him startling to the present, his palms sweating and hands shaking. His eyes jump down to his leg where the pain is coming from to see what attacked him. Eyebrows raising in surprise, Neil finds himself staring into the eyes of an orange cat who is currently climbing his leg. Unsure what to do, he watches it struggle to make its way higher. A soft inhale has him looking up to meet hazel eyes narrowed at the cat.

Leaning against the wall across from him is a man in his mid-twenties: light blond hair gelled back into what he is assuming it a trendy hairstyle, two piercings in his eye brow, black armbands from wrist to elbow, with matching black T-Shirt and black slacks. He is currently staring impassively at Neil, having broken his stare with the demonic creature. Neil stares back, growing increasingly annoyed with the man. Why is he just staring at him? Shuffling uncomfortably in irritation, he shakes his leg to hopefully get rid of the cat, however it seems to be an immovable object, only looking slightly peeved by the jostling. What the fuck?

“Just pull him off”, the blond man says, somehow completely unaffected by the scene in front of him.

Neil looks at the man with derision. “He won’t let go.”

He steps closer to Neil and pries the kitten’s claws from his sweatpants without difficulty, looking up at Neil in disdain, making it clear just how unimpressed he is by his stupidity. A door down the corridor opens and a little girl holding a black cat and an older woman wearing a smiling face walks into the hall.

“Andrew can you please get Sir from Josie.”

The girl, looking slightly upset at the prospect, tightens her hold on the cat before letting go for Andrew to pick him up. With the older lady leading her by the shoulder, they make their way back through to the waiting room.

Now that he realizes he only has a few minutes to either escape or prepare for the inevitable, nervous energy begins racing through him. He yearns to go for a long run or shoot exy balls into the net for an hour or two. With nowhere for his excess energy to go, he is left with sweaty palms and a racing heart, its staccato rhythm echoing in his chest until it feels as though he can feel it everywhere. Neil has never liked staying in one place for long. As his heart rate continues to speed up, he feels his breath come in quick puffs of air. His fist clenches until he can feel the short stubs of his nails indenting onto his palm. This, however, isn’t what brings him back into his body. A small burst of pain in his thigh makes him snap to attention, looking down to find the orange demon trying to climb even higher. How the hell had he forgotten about it? He blames the weird man in front of him for the distraction. The wild pumping of his heart calms and his eyes wander upwards to find the man, Andrew, staring at him emotionlessly, still holding the black cat.

“Finished with your meltdown yet?”

Neil huffs, chest filling with righteous anger at this man. Who does he think he is? The anger is also for himself. Just a little. He hates losing control of himself and hates it even more when people witness this weakness. Rolling his eyes, he takes a seat before remembering about the orange demon. Now sitting, the cat continues to climb and lies does quickly on his lap in a little ball of fluff. The fluffiness snags his attention. The softness of its fur as he strokes it surprises him. Lost in the cat’s soft fur, he doesn’t feel the stare the other man is directing to him. The door opens back up with a quiet click and the older woman from before walks back into the corridor.

“Neil, it’s nice to meet you. Please come into my office when you are ready,” she says smiling down at him.
Her smile forces him to grab the cat and hop to his feet, walking over to Andrew.

“Here’s your cat… Well I think its your cat anyway,” muttering almost to himself and shoving the ball of fluff into Andrew’s arms without touching him.

Andrew slowly grabs the kitten without looking away from his face. Neil feels himself grow red at the attention, realizing quickly why the man is paying him so much attention. Strangers all look at him with varying mixes of judgement, pity, horror and terror, so he should honestly be used to it now. Bringing a hand to his face, he traces the ugly scars on his cheekbones absently and quickly diverts his attention from Andrew, scared he will see the disgust that is so clearly going to be in his eyes.

Neil quickly moves into the office the woman had indicated without a backward glance, although he can still feel Andrew’s gaze boring into his back.

After Betsy (or Bee apparently) starts with a quick introduction she tries to ease his quite obvious tension. “Neil, I have known Wymack for quite some time now. He mentioned that you were very reluctant to come and see me and I completely understand your hesitance. I think its important to stress that you do not need to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable and I am here to listen without judgement and to help in any way I can.”

“I don’t need your help.” Now Neil realizes that his voice sounds petty and childish but his skin still feels stretched too thin over his bone. The lights are too bright, blaring into his eyes His clothes are too tight over his sensitive scars. The chocolate smell is overpowering and he can’t manage to get his thoughts to straight. He is overwhelmed and stuck in a small office with an unknown woman.

“It is a requirement by your team that you have mandatory check ins with me once a week for now. You aren’t the only player to come and see me so don’t worry. Let’s just try and get to know each other and we can go from there.”

“Whatever.”

“Are you ready to play against the Bearcats this weekend?”

And off Neil went, wasting the hour appointment with Bearcat’s statistics and potential plays, barely waiting a breath before starting again, in hopes that the lady wouldn’t ask him anything personal. It worked. An hour after he stepped into the office, Bee politely interrupted his rant asking if this time suited in a week.
Feeling the sun warming his body, he waited beside the road for Jean to show up and take him back to the apartment. He took his first deep breath as he stepped outside of the building, relief flooding his body. Neil knew himself and understood that once they opened his can of worms (aka trauma, shut up Jean) that he had buried deep, deep down, there would be no place that he could hide. Happiness is not an emotion that comes naturally to him after everything that has happened. Content is what he currently was. He had a fantastic job as well as Kevin and Jean. That was all he needed.

As Jean and Neil travelled back to his apartment in silence, he stared out the window wondering what happiness would truly feel like.

Chapter Text

After two weeks of constant training and running, Neil was about as relaxed as he had ever been. The running and exercise chipped away at his anxiety until he felt like he could function just like everyone else. Kevin was as intense as ever, sitting beside him at the café and muttering about the tackle he did earlier that was illegal (honestly, he is just a sore loser). The Foxhole Café was a new find of Kevin’s which led to him demanding Neil went with him. Neil went quite happily knowing the only thing he had to return to was a cold and empty apartment and some stale leftovers for lunch. Loneliness ate at him whenever he was away from Jean and Kevin, so he spent all the time he could busy or in their presence.

They had just ordered chicken and salad sandwiches with some green juice that Kevin insisted they needed from a dark-skinned woman at the register named Dan. She smiled at them and told them to sit wherever they wanted.

Wandering over to a small table by the window and taking their seats with Kevin not once breaking his monologue of criticism, Neil only indicated he was still listening with the occasional nod of the head or uh huh (he was most certainly not listening). Looking over the café, the colour scheme of orange, green and white, he spots a tall dark man at the coffee machine singing to himself merrily.

“Andrew, do you have more chicken back there?” Dan was shouting back into the kitchens behind her. A man wanders over to Dan and brings her the chicken, eyes scanning the café before catching on Neil’s gaze. Startled he drops his eyes to the table.

“Neil. Neil, are you even listening to me?” Kevin angrily complains.

“Huh? Yeah, course.” Lifting his eyes back to the blonde man underneath his fringe, he realizes Andrew is still looking at him curiously. The man taps two fingers to his head in a mock salute before turning on his heel and marching back to the kitchen behind him. His mind brings him back to soft orange fur beneath his fingertips, before Kevin snaps him back to the present by clicking his fingers in front of Neil’s face. Once Kevin realizes he has Neil’s attention back, he continues with his criticism.

Later that night, staring at the ceiling from his mattress on the floor, Neil thinks about Andrew, with his piercings and apathetic expression.

Heading back to Bee’s office the following week, Neil is overtaken with anxiety, almost vibrating in his seat with it. Palms sweating, he makes his way into the office and down the corridor outside her office on auto drive, not remembering if he spoke to anyone along the way. Confusedly looking around he once again makes eye contact with Andrew, looking down to find the small orange cat held in his well-built arms. Without looking away, the man places the cat on the floor, who quickly skitters to Neil and climbs his leg, with much more speed and less hesitancy than the week prior. Neil helps it and holds it in his arms, absently stroking its soft fur that he had been dreaming about (in between the nightmares, not that he would admit to having nightmares).

“I saw you at the café last week,” Neil blurts awkwardly, feeling himself grow red.

Andrew just stares at him leisurely lifting a cigarette to his lips. Prickling annoyance flashes through Neil, as he starts rocking on his heels to tame the nervous energy that is buzzing through him.

Bee’s office opens to emit the same young girl as the previous week with the black cat bolting through the gap in the door and jumping straight into Andrew’s arms. Bee gives them both a sweet smile before ushering the girl back through to the reception area.

“Are they both your cats?”

“Yes, I let Bee use them for her younger clients to make them more comfortable. They are trained therapy cats.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” The cat starts vibrating in Neil’s arms, making his lips twitch in an almost smile.

Andrew’s eyes seem to get caught on his mouth, and Neil hastily brings a hand to his mouth to forcefully wipe his smile away, shuddering at the prospect of his father’s horrific grin.

When Neil was seven he remembers a particular night where Nathan had brought him into a room with a middle aged man tied to a chair. His memories are funny sometimes, and he usually only remembers flashes of the past. What he does remember about this particular night, is blood on a malette and dirty knives (lots of them) cutting into soft flesh. He remembers the metallic scent of the blood and the sound of the unknown man’s screams and pleas for Nathan to stop. He also remembers being frozen to the spot. Standing there close to the doorway and watching as this man screamed for his life. And not doing anything about it. As soon as the man was dead and he had received his punishment (who knows that it was for this time) from his father, he had bolted from the room with tears streaming from his eyes. His mother had come to him that night and brushed the hair back from his face and sang a soft lullaby to help him get to sleep. Her singing and soft touches, few as they were, were the only things that managed to get him to sleep most nights. These days Neil can barely remember her voice, only the sharp stings of slaps and the words of vitriol that she spewed at him in those last few years of her life.

Hands tremoring, something wraps softly around his neck. Not used to soft touches Neil freezes, automatically holding his breath. Then the thing starts vibrating strongly against his chest and he looks down to find that he had sat down at some point and was currently being hugged by a cat? He didn’t realise cats could hug. It’s quite a confusing sight, but her soft fur and purring manage to calm his heart rate and shaking significantly.

“Do you realize you have issues?” Andrew had walked closer during Neil’s ‘episode’ and was staring at him intensely.

“I’m fine.” Neil chooses to focus on the feeling of the cats fur against his scarred palms rather than whatever judgement he would see in the hazel eyes boring into him.

“Bunny, why won’t you look at me?”

Startling at the words, his eyes jump up to meet Andrews, quickly scanning his face searching for something. He doesn’t know what he was looking for until he finds no judgement or pity in his expression and his shoulders untense.

“What’s her name?”

“HIS name is King.”

“Why do you work at The Foxhole Café as well as coming here?” Neil was a little embarrassed that he had so many questions for Andrew. For some reason the man made him curious and drew him in, moth to a flame.

“This is just volunteer work. Renee wouldn’t shut up about it until I said yes.” Neil had no clue who Renee was but chose not to ask, instead thinking on something else.

“Hmmm, maybe I should get a pet.” Neil ponders this question. He remembers when Jean had told him that he needed a pet, or at least a plant. Something to keep him tethered to this place. Neil often feels untethered.

A few months ago a call from an unknown number sent him in such a downward spiral that before he knew what had happened he was a few hours out of Columbia on the side of the highway. After he had picked himself up from the ground, having just vomited up his lunch, he rocked back and forth, pulling at his hair: the pain had grounded him (somewhat). He couldn’t shake the feeling of unease, as though someone was chasing him, and it took another couple of hours for him to gain enough awareness and sense to find a payphone. Jean answered on the first ring, calling desperately for Neil to respond after minutes of heavy silence. Jean shouting Abram through the phone was what brought him back to himself. Jean had driven them both back to Columbia in silence.

Andrew takes a long draw of his cigarette. “Maybe,” he somewhat agrees.

“I don’t think I could look after a pet. Maybe a plant?” Neil rocks on his heels thinking about when Jean had suggested he get a pet, and at his downright and abrupt refusal, he mentioned a plant to start with. He had brushed it off to begin with, but not he thought it might not be too bad of an idea.

“A plant is not going to snuggle with you, like you clearly are wanting.” Andrew exaggeratedly drags his eyes to where Neil was grasping onto Sir’s fir, the cat currently kneading his shoulders.

“Oh.”

“There are cat shelters downtown that you can go to and adopt from.”

“Maybe.”

These days, Neil was often still fighting past memories and terrors, and he struggled to remember that technically he was a somewhat free man with no one after him (well less people than before at least). He was still in the process of accepting the fact that he was mostly free to do what he wanted to (mainly Exy of course). But to actually adopt a cat? No, that would be too much. Too much responsibility. A life depending on him… once again. He couldn’t do that. Didn’t want to let yet another person (cat, whatever) down. Lost in his own spiralling thoughts he didn’t notice when Betsy came back into the room.

“Neil?” She was looking at him with inquisitive eyes.
Head snapping up, he mutely followed her into the office.

A cough from behind him had him glancing back, meeting hazel eyes which were pointedly looking at what he still held in his hands. Right. Wandering back over to Andrew he handed King back and scurried into the office, not meeting eyes that were now looking at him with curiosity.

Chapter Text

The following day when Kevin asked Neil if he wanted to go with him back to The Foxhole Café for a green juice, Neil accepted a little too fast, if Kevin’s disbelieving and curious expression had anything to say.

Entering the café, Neil cast his eyes around the room, searching for a certain someone and coming up empty. Dan was looking at him curiously from her spot in front of the register. He quickly orders an orange juice (no Kevin he does not in fact want another disgusting green juice forced upon him).

Listening to Kevin waffle on about who knows what he zones out, getting distracted with all the noise in the café. The bright lights and loud sounds all start to agitate him; shaking his leg beneath the table and trying to quiet his thoughts he doesn’t realise that Kevin has stopped talking until the waft of cigarette smoke invades his senses. Glancing up, Neil comes face to face with Andrew, who is currently being berated for smoking inside the café (not that he looks at all bothered by the reprimand, instead staring down at Neil questioningly).

“Want a smoke?”

Jumping out of his chair without hesitation, Neil follows Andrew (who is currently smirking at Kevin for some reason) out the back door to the alleyway behind the building. Handing a cigarette to Neil without touching his hand, Andrew just looks up into the sky, seemingly content to sit in the quiet. Neil doesn’t mind the quiet, sometimes it calms him down and brings him back from his racing thoughts (which Betsy has called a symptom of his anxiety, not that Neil listens) but other times, like in this instance, he feels words bubbling up his throat: questions and a need to get to know this intense, enigma of a person.

“What do you do here?” Neil blurts.

“Truths don’t come for free bunny. I will however graciously accept a truth for a truth.”

Neil huffs and accepts the proposition without much thought.

“I’m a baker here and make all the desserts. Renee offered me a job in college and I needed some extra cash so I took it and became the head baker after I graduated.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s better than Exy I suppose.” Neil held back a gasp at the insinuation that anything could be as good as Exy. It looked as though Andrew could tell that he had deeply insulted Neil as a small smirk appeared on his face as he continued looking at Neil. “I played with the Foxes as a goalie in college.” And with that statement an actual gasp escaped Neil.

“I remember now! Watching some of your games I mean. You were so good! Do you want to play together?” Wincing at how eager he sounded he braced for the blonde’s harsh words.

“You would owe me.”

“I don’t mind,” Neil blurted (he really needed to stop his mouth from getting away from him as it seems to do so often in Andrews presence).

“Okay. You have to come with me to the cat shelter when I next go.” Neil thought about this. He knew deep down that he would do practically anything to get Andrew to play with him (especially because it would be so awesome to play against a goalie like Andrew).

“Yes. Okay. I agree.”

“My turn. Who gave you those scars?”

Startled from his daydreams of being able to play Exy with Andrew, Neil’s hands move to his face at Andrew’s words. Feeling the marks on both sides, slashing scars on his right cheekbone and a large patchwork from a burn on the left, Neil feels himself losing touch with the present. He remembers how Tetsuji had given Riko free rein over him and how Jean and Kevin had been there for him afterward to help him clean up the mess Riko had made. No doctor was there afterwards and so healing was a slow process and the scars angry and ugly. Neil could feel his heart rate escalating as his eyes started to blur; echoes of the past flashed through his consciousness. Just like that day he sees hands reaching up his body and holding a sharp glistening blade whilst a man with a maniacal grin stares down at him, laughing frenziedly. He can feel the ghost of those hands trailing up his thighs and echoes of the fiery agonizing pain that came afterwards. In the back of his mind he did know that both Tetsuji and Riko had been killed by Ichirou after the incident as they were deemed too risky to keep alive, but the horrors of his past were too strong for him to simply move on from, no matter how hard he tried to run and hide.

“… can you hear me? …. Neil!”

“Yes or no?”

Neil couldn’t think. Couldn’t find his way back to the present.

“Bunny, yes or no?” The voice seemed closer now. It was calm, almost apathetic.

“Yes.” Neil didn’t exactly know what he agreed to, but the voice sounded nothing like those that had hurt him before.

Before he knew it, a large calloused hand gently grabbed the back of his neck. The touch was grounding. The feeling not one he had had before. He wasn’t used to people touching him; he startled at touch and people generally only tried once before assuming he didn’t want it. Which isn’t the case. Neil ached for gentle touches and soft hands carding through his hair. It’s just that what he had gotten used to were harsh slaps and cruel bruises. Too lost in his own head, he didn’t flinch at the touch. In fact he softened at it, bones melting and jaw unclenching at the gentleness. As his vision slowly came back into focus, he looked up to find Andrew standing in front of him, all of the man’s concentration seemingly on Neil’s face and breathing. He was talking, “Come on. Breathe bunny. Neil, follow on my breaths.”

Inhaling sharply, crisp air flooded his lungs bringing back some awareness to his surroundings. Neil focused on Andrew’s hand rather than his own memories and found that he wished Andrew would keep holding him forever (Neil’s subconscious was telling him that this was a strange thought to have but he didn’t care, it felt too nice).

“My father and his friends.”

“Shh… it doesn’t matter.”

“A dashboard lighter and a knife by my father’s crony. It was a few years ago. Sorry about that.” Neil gestures hoping Andrew gets his meaning: his itty bitty breakdown.

“Don’t apologise.” Andrew shakes his head and quicky averts his eyes, looking slightly ruffled (Neil notes that this is the first time he has been able to distinguish an emotion other than apathy on his face).

Moving away slightly, Neil realizes that Andrew was finally understanding how disgusting he was. How ruined he was. He didn’t know what the expression on his face was, but it must have been enough for Andrew to realise the track of his thoughts.

“No Neil. I’m just angry at those people, that’s all.” Untensing, a slight smile breaks through onto his face, his heart rate finally returning to normal.

“Oh, okay.” He looks away, unused to people looking at him without disgust and horror or at the very least pity. Realising that he had been outside with Andrew for a while now he gets up to head back inside to Kevin.

“Neil, give me your phone.” Walking back over and passing over his old clunky phone, he watches curiously as a fissure of surprise flashes across Andrew’s expression, before neutrality hides it again. He types his number into a new contact (it had taken over a year of Jean’s begging and Kevin’s lectures for him to finally accept the inevitable and just purchase a phone like his friends so desperately wanted him to). A ding has Neil glancing at the pocket of Andrew’s pants, watching as the man pulls out an identically phone to Neil’s, explaining Andrew’s surprise and making Neil let out a small laugh in delight as he gets so much hate for refusing to upgrade to one of the new iPhones.

“Do you want to text me sometimes?” The words weren’t really meant to come out of his mouth, but his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own around Andrew. It was weird.

“I don’t want anything.”

“Oh, okay.” Neil wouldn’t admit it to anyone (not even himself) but something in his chest deflated at the words. Maybe it was hope. Hope that someone wanted to be his friend.

“Bunny, just text me if you want to. Or don’t. I don’t care.”

When Neil looked to Andrew’s face he was still impassively staring back, but he thought to himself that maybe Andrew did want him to text… even if it was just a little bit.

Chapter Text

Neil had been staring at his phone for an hour now. He was so tired from all the extra training that Kevin had been making him and Jean do, but his mind was racing, unable to calm down and let him sleep. That was the reason why he was staring at his phone at 2am in the morning. He desperately wanted to text Andrew, but he was also scared. Scared of making another connection. Also scared that Andrew didn’t actually want Neil to text him.

Loneliness ate at him. After another 20 minutes of unseeingly staring at the device he decided to quickly pull up Andrew’s contact and text him. Not even two minutes later his phone dinged, a message lighting up its screen in the dark room. That is how Neil spends the next few hour texting with Andrew before he falls into a deep and dreamless sleep, a small smile on his face.

The following week is full of mundane texts to Andrew, mostly late at night when the darkness haunted them both. They generally shared meaningless facts with each other until one of them would fall asleep:
Favourite colour – “no Andrew black is not an option” “I know why I hate you so much,” Andrew responded when Neil said his favourite colour was orange
Favourite dessert - Andrew: chocolate mud cake, Neil: Strawberries (Neil that is NOT a dessert!)
Current TV show – Neil’s response of ‘none’ seemed deeply unsatisfying for Andrew whilst Andrew said he was almost finished binging The Vampire Diaries and he was a Damon stan (whatever that meant)

Late one night after they had been texting for a couple of weeks, Neil was in bed struggling to fight the phantom touches and pain from his past. Without giving it much thought he called Andrew, no longer wanting to text (he justified this with telling himself that a phone call would be quicker than texting anyway). Andrew seemed slightly surprised (despite Andrew’s tone being normal, Neil could totally sense his surprise). “My fingers were tired.” “Okay.” And so, from that night onwards Neil would call Andrew, their late-night chats becoming a tradition that Neil looked forward to all day long.

About a week later Neil asked about Andrew’s family.

“I have an older cousin and a twin brother. I didn’t meet them until my first year of college when they found me on accident because a cop thought Aaron was me. I lived in foster homes until that point.”

Neil had felt sad upon hearing about Andrew’s childhood which sounded just as terrible as Neil’s. Andrew had deserved better. He also found out one night the reasons behind Andrew’s hate of the word please and Neil’s hands had shook in rage. “Well I guess we both had pretty shitty childhoods.” They were both silent for a long time after that.

A couple of nights later Neil had sat in his empty house staring at nothing whilst quietly sharing most of his childhood, including who his father was (as the Butcher had been killed Neil didn’t fear telling Andrew about that part of his life). He even told him about Riko and how he had hurt him when he was younger. Andrew seemed satisfied that both men were dead.

Neil’s appointments with Betsy had progressed somewhat. She had allowed him to talk to his heart’s content about Exy but every now and again something would slip out. Maybe about how he gets overwhelmed in loud places or how his body sometimes is overcome with nervous energy until he feels as though he is practically vibrating out of his skin. She slips in little tips on how to deal with these moments, such as grounding himself by naming what he can see, feel and smell in that moment. Although Neil wouldn’t admit it, this one tip did help him out of a pickle (according to Bee, a panic attack). She tells him that he has anxiety, but honestly HE IS FINE.

Cigarette smoke alerts him to Andrew’s presence before he sees him. Walking into the corridor of Betsy’s clinic for his 5th session, excitement floods his body. Walking a little quicker he goes up to Andrew and is handed King without even having to ask. The orange cat immediately wraps his paws around Neil’s neck purring loudly, making Neil smile. Looking up, he catches Andrew staring at his mouth before quickly averting his eyes when realizing that Neil was looking at him. Neil immediately brings a hand to wipe at his mouth, checking if somehow, he had made a mess with his instant ramen. Coming up empty he focuses on Andrew.

“How’s The Vampire Diaries going?”

“I only have 2 episodes left. How’s being boring?”

“Look, I have tried to watch shows with Jean and Kevin but I always get bored and I never understand half of what they are talking about.”

Sitting down, King climbs back down into Neil’s lap, his weight a calming balm to Neil’s almost constant nervous energy (shut up Betsy he doesn’t have anxiety).

“You should come to Eden’s with us.”

“Us? Eden’s?”

Although Andrew’s face is determined to remain impassive, Neil can sense that he is just managing to contain an eye roll. “It’s a club and most Saturday night’s my cousin and brother come with me.”

“Oh. I’m not sure. I don’t drink or really go out. Ever.”

“You can bring Jean and Kevin if you want. And no one will make you drink or do anything you don’t want to do.” The anxiety that was starting to press on Neil’s chest loosened slightly at Andrew’s vehemence, and if he was being honest, he sort of wanted to go out with Andrew. He knew Kevin would love to go; he was always begging Neil to go out somewhere with him but had recently started in on Jean (who refused unless Neil was also going).

“Okay, I’ll come.”

“Send me your address. We’ll pick you up Saturday night at 7.” With that, Andrew signaled he wanted King back and walked out into the reception area.

After Neil’s session with Betsy he ran home, needing to expel the nervous jitters in his limbs. About halfway to his apartment, he hears an older man yell “Nathaniel!”. That is all it takes to have Neil sprinting for his address, almost getting hit by two cars and running into a couple angry people along the way. Bolting up to his door he gets inside and hides under his bed not turning his back from the door.

Hours later and his hands have not stopped shaking, his terror still sitting too close to the surface. It takes a sharp knock on the door for Neil to snap partially back to the present, warily stretching from his balled position he tiptoes to the front door, as silent as possible, and picking up his Exy stick along the way. Peering through the eye hole he sees a shock of familiar blonde hair, followed by an apathetic stare.

He rushes to open the door, confused how Andrew could be here. “How did you know where I live?”

“I asked Wymack. Is your phone broken?”

“No?”

“You haven’t responded all day.”

“Oh, must be dead or something.”

Andrew pushes into his apartment, looking around at what was in the room, or more likely, the lack of what was in the room. Neil looked around, trying to view it as an outside, and did see why Andrew was looking around in slight befuddlement. “Look, I just don’t like clutter alright?”

“A bed frame doesn’t count as clutter bunny.”

Huffing in annoyance, Neil makes his way to the kitchen asking the blonde man if he would like a drink.

“I thought you had gone off and got hit by a car or something.” Andrew looked slightly uncomfortable at sharing this with him and Neil was surprised at the statement: Andrew cared about him? This brought a smile to Neil’s face, before falling flat in remembrance of what had happened earlier that day.

Neil’s blood runs cold in terror. He bolts up, ready to run, from what he doesn’t know; all he knows is that he needs to get away, to get somewhere safe. Not fully aware, Neil doesn’t remember anyone is in the room with him until a hand gently grabs at the back of his neck pushing him to sit on the floor with his head on his legs. Seconds or minutes or hours later Neil feels awareness flood back, of where he is and who is in the room with him.

“Sorry” Neil mumbles staring at his feet in shame.

“Don’t apologise Neil. What happened?”

Neil, feeling safe in Andrews hands, tells him what happened earlier that day. Andrew continues to hold his neck softly, not pulling away.

After Neil feels as though he had been talking for hours he finishes with his story. They sit there together on the floor for a while afterwards, before making there way to the kitchen for some hot drinks. Talking softly into the night, Neil realizes that with Andrew he might truly feel happy. And the thought is terrifying.

Chapter Text

It was currently 6pm on Saturday and Neil was sitting on his mattress on the floor staring at his few items of clothing. Picking up a pair of running shorts he debates wearing them then throws them across the room in despair. He had never cared about how he looked before but suddenly at the prospect of going out clubbing with Andrew and his family he realized he probably needed to wear something that didn’t have fifteen holes in it.

A knock on the door had him startling out of his revery. Running towards the door and tripping over the kitchen bench on his way he reefs open the door almost falling over again in his haste, still hissing in pain at his stubbed toe.

Andrew stares at him impassively throughout this little scene. He pushes inside the apartment and makes his way towards Neil’s bedroom, stopping at the door and staring at the clothes scattered around the room, looking towards Neil questioningly.

Neil averts his eyes, feeling his face flushing in embarrassment, both at the mess of clothes all over the floor and at the realisation that Andrew can see his panic from before.

Andrew sighs and beckons Neil towards him. Confusedly following his instructions, he watches as Andrew pulls out a dark stack of clothes from a bag and places it in his hands. “What’s this?”

Andrew sighs. Deeply. “Just put them on Neil.”

“Hmph.” Despite his minor annoyance he follows Andrew’s instructions, heading toward his small dingy bathroom and hurriedly putting the clothes on. Staring at the mirror in surprise he sees that the clothes are black and tight fitting but cover the scars on his arms and chest so that he won’t be uncomfortable in them. Smiling slightly in realization that Andrew knew what he would be comfortable in, he steps back into his bedroom and looks up sharply at the sudden intake of breath he hears. Andrew had scanned his body with an expression on his face that Neil had no clue how to decipher. The other man promptly averted his eyes, pretending it never happened. Neil looks down to try and find what Andrew was looking at but is unable to find anything weird.

“Andrew? What?”

“Nothing bunny. Let’s go.”

Following Andrew down to his car, feeling a bit like a duckling waddling after its mother, he hops in the car, and stares out the window as they sit in comfortable silence. Neil appreciates being able to feel comfortable and sit without talking, so used to Kevin, who means well but is not one for silence… or calmness.

“Jean and Kevin are meeting us at Eden’s. They’ve apparently been before.”

“Okay.”

After about a fifteen minute drive they arrive at the club, heading inside without having to wait like others in line. The bouncers immediately spot Andrew and let them through. Following the blonde to a table already mostly filled in a dark corner he spots Jean looking uncomfortable at the noise and people surrounding him and Kevin animatedly talking to a man who looks nearly identical to Andrew (although Neil notices that his hair isn’t as nice, and his muscles aren’t as big. Andrew is the good-looking twin he decides). Jean spots Neil at once and pushes a couple of people out of the way to get to him.

“This is the worst. Seriously how did you guys convince me to come. There are too many people and way too much noise.” Jean is waving his hands almost hysterically. He has never been one for going to clubs or out anywhere in general. One of Neil’s favourite days with the man was when Jean had invited him over to binge watch the Harry Potter movies with him, which was Neil’s first time watching them. A few years back when Neil had settled into the Ravens both Jean and Kevin had started to invite Neil to do a bunch of things that he had missed out on when he was younger. They had taken him to the Zoo, the Aquarium and watched a bunch of popular tv shows and movies in a bid to educate him in some pop culture. Jean had set up a side table full of Neil’s favourite drinks and snacks for the movies and they had both sat together on Jean’s comfortable couch absorbed in the fantasy land. Neil cherished those types of memories with his two friends.

“Look, lets just stay a bit longer and if you still want to go in half an hour I’ll go with you. What’s Kevin talking to Aaron about?”

“I’m not sure but Kevin said they knew each other.” Jean winks secretively at this statement making Neil frown. What the heck?

Sighing deeply in plight Jean looks upwards, making Andrew huff in amusement. Neil had absolutely no clue what was wrong with either of them but he was definitely used to Jean’s dramatics by now so he just makes his way closer to the table, ignoring the both of them.

Andrew introduces him to his cousin Nicky who waves animatedly in delight and his brother, Aaron, who simply nods in greeting. Jean takes his seat again, looking like he would prefer to be anywhere else, whilst Kevin barely takes a breath in his monologue to Aaron to greet Neil.

Neil looks for Andrew spotting him making his way to the counter to order drinks and rushes after him without much thought. The man looks back at Neil and indicates for him to follow. After Andrew orders a tray of drinks for all of them and a Strawberry Daquiri for Neil making him blush, they head back to their table and sit with the others. Neil absently listens, slurping down his drink and not paying much attention until he realizes that he has finished the whole thing. He makes a noise of surprise which draws both Jean and Andrew’s attention. Andrew watches in slight amusement whilst Jean laughs outright.

“Careful Neil. You remember how bad you handle your alcohol.”

Neil had only become relaxed enough in recent years to drink alcohol and only in the presence of either Kevin or Jean. He had learnt that he liked the fruity beverages and not shots. He had also discovered how bad he was at handling himself after a couple of drinks. So, whilst he was tempted to listen to Jean, he threw caution to the wind and decided to have another couple of drinks in hopes that it would relax him a bit more and he’d be able to enjoy the night without his anxiety ruining it. He had been anxious (Betsy would definitely congratulate him for acknowledging this) all afternoon for some reason and he didn’t know what to do with the butterflies in his stomach.

Looking up and catching Andrew’s eyes with his own, he gulps heavily and quickly stands up, wobbling back over to get another drink. He orders the same one Andrew had ordered him before and slurps it quickly on his way back to the table. Jean is looking at him knowingly, nursing his own fruity beverage topped with a pink umbrella. Feeling floatier and floatier with each sip, before he knows it Neil had drunk another two drinks.

Neil was definitely feeling relaxed now… and feeling pretty funny. All floaty and light. No anxiety in sight! “Suck on that Betsy!” He starts giggling thinking of her funny mugs (especially the fox one).

“Jeannnnnnnnnnnn I’m gon get plant or kitten! MEOW!”

Neil watches as Jean shuffles towards him and gently removes the straw from his mouth and moves the drink away from him. “Nooooo my DRINK! Jean that’s not yours! This is robbery!”

“I know Neil, but I think you may want to slow down slightly.”

Neil feels his bottom lip start to wobble and tears form in his eyes. Jean looks towards him, rolling his eyes heavenward in plight to be able to deal with Neil. He was used to this sort of behaviour by now, but looking over towards Andrew it was clear the man had not seen this side of Neil. He was currently watching with befuddlement and concern marring his apathetic nature, his eyes following the streams of tears as they leaked out of Neil’s eyes.

“Drew, you have to hold my neck! It makes everything better! I swear it!”

Andrew obeys Neil’s instructions lifting a hand to gently place it on the back of Neil’s neck, shifting over to move closer to him. Neil sighs in happiness smiling widely whilst staring at Andrew.

“Stop looking at me like that Neil.”

“No, Drew you can’t make me!”

Andrew looks as though he is a couple of moments away from joining Jean in pleading towards the Gods for patience. “Come on bunny, I think it’s time we go back home.”

Neil focuses slightly to look around the table. Jean was getting out of his seat proclaiming he was going to catch a taxi back home whilst Kevin was kissing the ugly twin? Bringing a hand to his face and wiping at his eyes, he looks around the room confusedly before looking back to check if his eyes were deceiving him. Nope. They were still kissing. Huh.

Andrew huffs in amusement before steering Neil by the neck out towards the front of the club. Before he knows it he is back in Andrew’s sleek black car heading towards his apartment. “Drew, don’t make me go back home. I’ll get lonely!”

“You can sleep on the couch at my house.”. Neil leans over towards Andrew’s seat and goes to touch the blonde’s hand in thanks before harshly pulling back at the last second realizing that he can’t touch the man without his express permission. “You can touch me there Neil.”

Humming in pleasure Neil reaches back out and runs his hands over Andrew’s hand, feeling the soft skin. He sees the goosebumps that arise on the blonde’s arms and smiles sleepily, happy that he is allowed to touch Andrew and not realizing before this moment how much he had craved this simple touch. He doesn’t stop touching Andrew’s hand until the man flips his hand so that he can hold onto Neil’s, making Neil gasp in surprise. HE WAS HOLDING ANDREWS HAND! He couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe how lovely it felt to hold the man’s hand and couldn’t believe that Andrew trusted him enough to do something like this. He thought that in this moment, maybe he was truly happy. Not just content, but happy.

Chapter Text

Neil wakes up to a pounding headache, his eyes watering when he attempts to look at the room. Where was he? Heart pounding he frantically looks around the well lit living room. He could see plants lining the windowsill, thick blankets placed on the other lounge chair and two cats staring at him. Hold up. Neil backtracks, looking towards the two cats staring up at him from the floor.

“King! I haven’t seen you in ages!”

The cat in question catapults itself onto Neil’s lying form purring intensely and butting his head into Neil’s chin. Laughing in delight Neil gives King some scratches. A noise from behind him has him startling to look for what made the noise. Andrew was currently standing in the kitchen watching as King attacked Neil in kisses. Neil jumped up, remembering to grab King at the last second and made his way into the kitchen, holding the cat tightly in his hands.

“Why am I here?”

“You said you would be too lonely if you went home to your apartment.”

Neil winced, feeling the read hot blush that was staining his cheeks at Andrew’s statement. “I’m so sorry Andrew. You should have just ignored me. I get really weird when I drink.”

“Yes. I noticed.”

Neil’s face falls. He was so excited to spend the night with Andrew and he had ruined it! Of course. He puts King on the ground and moves back towards the couch looking for his jacket and wallet. Refusing to look up he stares down at his feet on his way to the door before a hand reaches for his hand and softly grabbing at it. Startling, he drops his jacket and spins around finding Andrew’s face softened. “That’s not what I meant bunny. I didn’t mind looking after you last night. I’m glad you felt safe enough to be like that with me.” The man winced at his last words, clearly uncomfortable with sharing so much with another person.

Neil holds onto Andrew’s hand more firmly, his heart rate settling down again. Smiling at Andrew shyly he mutters, “Of course I feel safe with you. Other than Kevin and Jean I have never met someone who made me feel as safe as you do.”
Andrew looks away sharply, but not quick enough for Neil to miss the slight darkening of Andrew’s cheeks and ears.

“I have to head down to the café to do a couple hours of baking.”

“Oh okay. I will leave then.”

“Do you want to come?”

‘’Yes.” Once again, what’s with him and blurting his answers out when he’s around Andrew. He doesn’t know but he realizes that he would say yes to pretty much anything Andrew asked. He knows that he wants to spend all of his time with Andrew, even if they are both sitting there doing nothing and sitting in silence. Andrew’s presence alone makes him feel seen and cared for.

They head out the door thirty minutes later after Andrew had his morning hot chocolate and Neil had a hot tea, on their way saying goodbye to the two cats. King meowed mournfully back at Neil’s goodbye.

They get to the café at about 10am and as it was Sunday morning the place was fairly packed. Following Andrew to the back kitchen he waves shyly at Dan who sends a questioning look towards Andrew, he very obviously ignores her. Shrugging his shoulders at Dan, he quickly follows after Andrew who is already pulling ingredients off the shelves.

“What are you making?”

“Triple chocolate cookies, chocolate cheesecake and lemon slice.”

Neil offers to help, which Andrew accepts with a nod. He aids Andrew by handing him ingredients and tools when required. Two hours later they have multiple trays of desserts ready and Neil is sweating at the heat in the kitchen. He follows Andrew out to the back for a smoke, sighing in relief when he sits down.

“Do you have any other plans for today?”

Looking sideways at Neil, Andrew’s facial expression turns uncertain. “Why?”

“I just thought maybe you could come to the court with me for some Exy practice. You did promise after all,” Neil says smiling at Andrew.

“Okay, just this once bunny. I will not make a habit of playing your dumb little sport with you.”

Laughing outright the blonde, Neil pulls out his phone when it starts to ring. Glancing down he sees that Jean is calling him and he accepts the call quickly.

“Jean what’s wrong?”

Neil hears the loud sigh all the way through the phone. “Nothing Neil. I just wanted to check on you after last night. You were pretty hilarious and it did in fact make it worth my time to be at the dingy place, but I wanted to see if you and Andrew were fine.”

Neil wanders away from Andrew who is looking at him in slight curiosity, before he stands up and heads back inside. “Huh? Me and Andrew? What do you mean?”

“Lord help me,” he thinks he hears Jean mutter to himself. “Neil, do you think you might like Andrew?”

“Of course I like Andrew! He’s amazing!”

“Neil, I mean do you have a crush on him?”

“Oh.”

“Look I just thought I would ask because I know how hopeless you are at telling when people like you.”

“Andrew likes me?!”

“Oh lord….. Yes, I believe so.”

“Oh.”

“Neil, you don’t have to like him back even if that is the case. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with. There’s no pressure. Now I have to go and get back to watching Gilmore Girls.”

“Yeah, yeah, course,” Neil mutters, not listening to Jean anymore. He sits down heavily, thinking about everything Jean had said.

1. He is fairly sure that Andrew doesn’t like him. Who would have a crush on him, with his scars and burns and history? Nope, definitely not.

2. He thinks that Jean may be right. He always wants to spend time with Andrew and likes holding his hand and when the man touches him. Fuck! He has a crush on Andrew.

Face palming, he sighs deeply, unsure what to do. Act like nothing was wrong! Yes! He will do that.

Game plan in hand he makes his way back inside the café and finds Andrew reading a book on a corner table. The man in question looks up as Neil makes his way closer and immediately stands up.

“Ready?”

“Yep. Yes. Of course…. For what?” So much for the game plan! He was already failing the whole ‘act cool’ part of it.

Andrew didn’t quite manage to hold back an eye roll that time. “You wanted to go to the courts?”

Ohhhhhh right. “Yes! Let’s go!” Neil wanted to roll his eyes at himself. He was not in fact playing it cool. At all.

Twenty minutes later and they were walking onto the Exy courts, rackets in hand. Neil couldn’t stop watching Andrew. The way his arms flexed as he maneuvered the racket to catch the ball. The way he pushed his hair back and out of his face. How AMAZING he was to play against. Neil began to think he may have a slight problem. That problem specifically being a crush on Andrew.

He had no clue what to do with his newfound feelings. Neil doubted someone as amazing as Andrew would ever like him back. Another problem was the fact that he was likely asexual. A couple of years back Jean had asked him if he ever wanted to have a relationship and he had said he wasn’t interested. They kept talking about it every now and again and Jean helped him realise that although he did crave the intimacy of a romantic relationship, he did not in fact crave the sexual side of one. After this realization he began to identify with others as asexual. He knew that not many people wanted to be with an asexual person. He had honestly begun to think that he might have been aromantic as well, but he knew that he definitely had feelings for Andrew that extended beyond friendship.

Neil shot ball after ball at Andrew, only getting past him twice in an hour of practice. By the end, sweat was dripping down his face and breaths were panting from his lips. Andrew looked only slightly more composed than Neil, however he also looked fairly exhausted.

“Neil, I hate you so much.”

Looking sideways at Andrew, who was leaning heavily on his racket beside him, he grinned brightly. Andrew’s eyes darted down to his mouth, seemingly getting stuck there. Breath hitching, Neil’s smile dropped and he absently leaned forward slightly, not sure what was happening. Andrew’s expression flashed with shock and longing before freezing, an apathetic expression blanketing his features. The man turned around calling to Neil on his way out of the court, “Come on bunny. I’m taking you home now.”

Heart stuttering in his chest, the slim hope that Neil had that Andrew may have liked him back died.

Chapter Text

A couple of weeks later, Neil had just gotten back from his therapy appointment with Bee. He had started getting used to her now and was beginning to open up about his past. Generally, he got to see Andrew, King and Sir there, however today they were absent. He had asked Bee in a panic because he thought something may be wrong (he hadn’t spoken to Andrew since the night prior). Bee had said that Andrew was needed at the café just that day, loosening the panic that had begun to tighten his chest at the thought of something bad happening to Andrew.

He was walking around and around his house in circles, bored and unsure what to do. He wanted to see Andrew, but after that one day in the Exy courts with him things had been slightly strained.

Suddenly a ding of his phone had him leaping over a chair in his rush.

Andrew: Trading in my demand. Meet me at the cat shelter downtown.

Below was another text with a location pin. Nerves settled in his stomach (both at seeing Andrew again and at the prospect of all the sad cats). He rushed around his apartment, pulling on a jacket and some joggers before racing out the door. Looking at the location of the shelter he saw that it was not too far away and decided he would run in the hopes that it would expend some of his nervous energy.

Twenty minutes later Neil found himself outside of a cute little building with images of cats with their new families plastered all over the front windows facing the outside. He stepped inside the shelter and looked around the room. It wasn’t an overly large building, but it was colourful and fun-looking, not dreary and sad like he had expected. The room had play pens all along one side of the wall full of cats playing with each other as well as some children. Neil spotted Andrew who was talking to a girl with pastel pink hair and a nose piercing and made his way over to them. The girl was laughing at whatever Andrew had said and Neil had never seen the man look so comfortable with other people. His gut twisted at the sight to the two of them standing together and talking happily. Neil had never felt left out or jealous when it had come to Andrew, but this was different. Whatever this was made him want to crawl into a deep dark hole in despair and never come out. Whatever, he knew he was being dramatic.

The girl pointed towards him, startling him from his despair, making Andrew look over. Their eyes met, and Neil felt as though his feet were stuck to the ground. It took Andrew breaking the eye contact for Neil to be able to move over toward them.

“Hi Neil. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Renee.”

Ohhh, this was the Renee that Andrew occasionally spoke about. “Nice to meet you too.”

“We had a new litter of kittens rescued a couple of week ago and they have been delivered here a couple of hours ago as they are ready for adoption. Do you want to have a look?”

Neil followed Renee over to a separate pen with four small and underfed kittens running around and playing. He stepped inside and squatted to their level, patting the couple of them that wandered over to him. Sitting down properly they began to climb up his torso and onto his shoulders, forcing a laugh from Neil despite his anxiety over this trip and Renee’s presence. Andrew must have been able to sense his tension as the next thing he knew, a soft touch at the back of his neck had him startling, eyes jumping to meet Andrew’s. Nodding his head in acquiesce the blonde man settled his hand more firmly onto Neil’s neck, and the tension melted from his shoulders, his jaw relaxing under the calming touch. A happy smile lit up his face as he looked from the playful kittens up to meet Andrew’s inquisitive eyes.

Shaking his head in denial that anything was wrong Andrew let go of his neck, Neil mourning the loss of his touch almost immediately. He tried to focus back on the kittens playing around him now, but it was hard to focus with Andrew still staring at him.

Looking around Neil spotted a smaller pen in the far dark corner of the room. Renee spotted him looking in that direction. “That’s Tiger over there. He is terrified of all middle-aged men, as his previous owner was an older man who used to abuse and starve him. Now he will barely let anyone go near him, let alone touch him.”

Heart breaking for this creature, Neil got up and wandered over to the far corner. He could see two bright yellow eyes narrowed at him, the cat pressed as far as he could into the corner of the room. Neil crouched down and wandered a bit closer, watching to make sure the cat didn’t want him to stop. Almost able to touch the cat he stopped and waited to see if he wanted to be pet or not. Sitting in silence and not moving an inch he waited. After a few minutes Tiger creeped slightly out of the corner, not breaking his stare with Neil. So gently that Neil almost thought he imagined it the cat bumped his head into Neil’s hand. He let the cat do this itself to allow it to be in control. Another tense few minutes later Tiger had crept forward to right in front of Neils shoes and was making a soft scratchy purring noise that made Neil smile. They spent hours in that corner together and Neil didn’t realise how long he had been lost in the cat’s scared and timid gaze before a soft noise from behind him had him startling slightly and looking behind them. He found Andrew, no Renee in sight, watching from a seat slightly away from them. Looking back Tiger had started at the noise and slammed himself back into the far corner, now hissing slightly, fangs bared.

Sighing, Neil stood up and wandered over to Andrew. “I think I need to get him.”

“Your choice bunny.”

“Nope, don’t pretend that this wasn’t your plan the whole time! Lure me in and then trap me with the sad cats! Andrew that was an evil plan!”

“Well you don’t have to get him.”

“Of course I do!”

“Then get him.” Andrew’s neutral gaze didn’t waver at the sight of Neil’s dramatic gestures.
The fight drains out of him at the man’s words, realizing that there is no way he can leave this place without Tiger. Looking back and making eye contact with the scared cat his decision is made. After a half hour of signatures and purchases for Tiger he finally carries him outside, only realizing at the last second that he had decided to run there and would have to walk back to his apartment whilst holding the cat. A sigh has him meeting Andrew’s gaze, “Come on Neil. I’ll drive you home.”

Not even bothering to put up a fight he lets Andrew drive him home. Andrew’s comes inside his apartment after Neil asks if he would like to watch a movie with him. After getting inside Neil puts Tiger down and fills up his food and water bowls and places a soft cushion on his mattress. The blonde man follows Neil into his bedroom sitting down on the mattress at Neil’s gesture and pulling up the movie they had decided on watching on Neil’s old laptop. They sit close together, almost touching (the almost touch driving Neil crazy) and start to watch Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone, Neil’s favourite of the franchise. Tiger skitters into the room, running straight for Neil and looking warily at Andrew. He sits as far from Andrew as possible but lies snuggly against Neil’s other side, starting to purr after a few minutes of Neil’s absent-minded gentle scratches.

Feeling brave and decided to act before he talked himself out of it, Neil reaches over to Andrew and holds his hand out in question, peering at Andrew out the side of his eyes. Andrew stares at his hand for long enough that Neil feels an uncomfortable blush settle onto his cheeks and starts to pull his hand back to safety heart sinking, but at the last second Andrew places his calloused hand along Neil’s squeezing it gently a couple of times, almost like he was checking to see if this was really happening.

And that’s how Neil finds himself unable to hold back his smile whilst he spends the remainder of the afternoon watching the first three Harry Potter movies, his hand perfectly fitting inside Andrew’s and his new cat Tiger purring against his side.

Chapter Text

Neil wakes up slowly, feeling abnormally warm in his bed. Blearily looking around the room he feels something fluffy on his chest. Eyes widening in surprise he looks down to see Tiger sleeping peacefully on top of him, somehow balancing and not falling off. Moving to check the time on his phone he almost jumps in surprise when he sees Andrew sleeping beside him not even an arm’s length away. Gasping, Neil brings a hand to his mouth to hold in any more noise he may involuntarily make, clearly not fully able to control himself when it comes to Andrew. The man in question startles awake suddenly, likely at Neil’s gasp, sitting upright abuptly and rolling from the mattress and onto the floor in panic.

“Drew, it’s okay. It’s just me, Neil.”

Andrew’s wild eyes jump up to meet his, and Neil doesn’t move hoping to calm the blonde down. A couple minutes later, and Andrew was beginning to look much more aware of his surroundings. He had a slightly puzzled expression marring his features.

“We must have fallen asleep when we were watching Harry Potter.”

Andrew gives him a bland look, clearly indicating how stupid he thought Neil was with a single glance. Wincing and laughing nervously to himself, Neil grabs onto Tiger and gets up out of the bed, going to make hot drinks for the both of them. He makes Andrew a hot chocolate exactly how he likes it without even having to ask, so used to how fussy the man was. Three scoops of hot chocolate powder and 2 spoons of sugar. He had bought a couple tubs of Andrew’s favourite hot chocolate blend a couple of weeks back for when he visited Neil’s place.

A few minutes later and he had one steaming hot cup of tea and a milky and sugary hot chocolate in his hands. Heading back to his room he hands Andrew his drink and then sits down letting Tiger snuggle back into his lap. They drink in comfortable silence, each of them happy to just sit with each other without talking.

Feeling Andrew’s gaze he looks toward the man and feels an involuntary smile take over his features. Unconsciously Neil looks down to Andrew’s lips before flicking his eyes back up to meet the man’s curious gaze. Gathering all of his confidence Neil decides to jump off the deep end, “Yes or no?” Neil had never been one for wanting things, but in this instance he realized that he had never wanted something as bad as he wanted to be able to kiss and touch Andrew right now. Heart galloping in his chest, nerves now overtaking his senses he sits in silence expecting rejection.

However, after a tense few seconds of Andrew seeming to consider Neil’s expression, he doesn’t answer but instead slowly moves forward before gently cupping his cheek and brushing their lips lightly together. Neil had sworn he had never felt so happy in his life. He wasn’t even this happy when his father had finally been killed and he had been able to stop running. Andrew’s touch was magical; his hand now tenderly moving up to card through Neil’s hair, softly scraping at his scalp and bringing a pleased hum from Neil’s throat. They kissed for what felt both like forever and not enough time. When Andrew softly pulled away Neil knew his expression was dopey, and was proven right when Andrew pushed Neil’s head away from him with a huff. “Can we do that again?”

Andrew sighed deeply, “Yes bunny, we can.”

He shuffled closer to Andrew and laughed softly at the look of fond annoyance painted on Andrew’s face. The man rolled his eyes but continued to brush his hand through Neil’s hair making him sigh sleepily. After asking Andrew’s permission he rested his head on the man’s thighs, falling to sleep with the promise of more kisses and to the noise of Tiger’s soft purring from beside him. Neil had never been happier.