Archive of Our Own ^beta

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we’ve had this groupchat since highschool

Merlin: Can I add my wife to our chat? :D

Bee🐝: you have a wife? where’d you get a wife?

Cas: no he doesn’t. he means the chick he knocked up

Merlin: She will be my wife! :D

Crispin: she said no when you asked her to marry you

Merlin: When I ask her again, she might say yes! :D

Wesley: unlikely

Bee🐝: I’m okay with you adding her, Merlin

Merlin: :D

Merlin added Toast!

Toast: what is this?

Deckard: our group chat we’ve had since high school

Toast: why am i in it?

Merlin: Because you’re part of the family! :D

Howell: Whether we like it or not

Toast: i see

Toast: now i can bother Cas at anytime 😈

Deckard: you can already do that. you live with us

Cas: and you already do that

Toast: now i can do it more 😈

Cas: I hate you

Bee🐝: so anyway. I found a cat.

Bee🐝: or maybe a dog??

Bee🐝: either way, I have a pet now. his name is Puppycat

Deckard: how can you not tell if it’s a cat or a dog?

Bee🐝: well, he looks like a cat. but he smells like a dog

Wesley: is that why you named him Puppycat

Bee🐝: oh I didn’t name him

Crispin: did his collar have his name on it?

Bee🐝: no. he just told me

Cas: …

Cas: the dog/cat told you his name?

Bee🐝: yeah. he can talk. he just sounds weird

Toast: i used to have a hobo friend who could talk

Toast changed their name to wrestling_mama!!

wrestling_mama!: Cas. fight me 🥊

Cas: I don’t fight pregnant women

Merlin: Why did you change your username, honey? :D

wrestling_mama!: i wanted to. and don’t call me honey

Merlin: D:

wrestling_mama!: fight me Cas 🥊🥊

Cas: take this

Cas changed their name to Cas_Wizard🪄!

wrestling_mama!: that was lame

Crispin changed their name to 🤡(Crispin)!

Howell: Are we changing our usernames now?

Howell changed their name to 🌺Howell🌺

Merlin changed their name to Dr_Dad!

Dr_Dad: Now we match, honey! :D

wrestling_mama!: don’t call me honey

Wesley changed their name to Wesley_kissed_a 🐠!

Deckard: I haven’t changed my username in forever… and I don’t think I will. I’m not very curative

Deckard: *creative*

🤡(Crispin): what about you, Bee?

Bee🐝: eh. I like my name

Wesley: the only one who’s left then is Tim

Dr_Dad: @Tim :D

Dr_Dad: He’s not answering D:

Cas_Wizard🪄: somebody go throw a shoe at his door

🌺Howell🌺: What will that accomplish?

Cas_Wizard🪄: nothing. it’ll just bug him

🌺Howell🌺: Somebody just go tell him

🤡(Crispin): on it

Tim is online!

Tim: what

Deckard: do you wanna change your username?

Tim: no

Tim is offline

Bee🐝: …

Bee🐝: okay then

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Deckard: I made gazpacho today

Bee🐝: what’s gazpacho?

Deckard: it’s cold soup

🤡(Crispin): why would they do that to soup?

Cas_Wizard🪄: who’s they?

🤡(Crispin): idk the soup people

Dr_Dad!: The people who make soup? :D

🌺Howell🌺: The soup makers.

🤡(Crispin): yeah the soup makers

Deckard: hey it’s actually good

wrestling_mama!: soup is not supposed to be cold

Cas_Wizard🪄: for once I agree with you

Deckard: quit making fun of my gazpacho! 😣

Bee🐝: I had a dream that my couch turned into a potato and me and Puppycat ate it

Cas_Wizard🪄: weird

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: fish are the essence of life

Dr_Dad!: I have a degree in fish doctoring as well as people doctoring! :D

🌺Howell🌺: if you have all these degrees, why don’t you put them up on our degree wall?

Bee🐝: you guys have a wall for your degrees?

Deckard: yeah but it’s empty except for a picture of Toast holding Cas in a headlock

Dr_Dad!: um I keep them somewhere else! :D

🌺Howell🌺: well that’s stupid

Bee🐝: why?

Dr_Dad!: because! :D

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: fishy

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Bee🐝: so I think my laptop fell in love with my cellphone

Cas_Wizard🪄: what

Bee🐝: no seriously, I’ve been getting emails on my phone from my computer and they’re love poems

🌺Howell🌺: does the cellphone return the laptop’s feelings?

Bee🐝: idk

🌺Howell🌺: it would be sad if it doesn’t

Dr_Dad!: Yeah! It’s real sad when somebody doesn’t feel the same way about you as you feel about them! D: 😞

wrestling_mama!: but you can’t make somebody have feelings for you. and it’s not fair to try to make them

Dr_Dad!: It’s unfair to do something special with someone and then get mad at them for having feelings for you after! :D

wrestling_mama!: that’s not the other person’s fault, especially when the other person thought it was just casual

Dr_Dad!: It would have been nice if that person let the other person know that then! :D

wrestling_mama!: it’s quite rude of the other person to expect that person to know they don’t know that

Bee🐝: um… you mean my phone and laptop right?

🤡(Crispin): maybe you should set them up on a date. like, leave them together in your place when you go out

Bee🐝: but i never go out. except to pay rent

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: rent was due yesterday

Bee🐝: it was?

Cas_Wizard🪄: ok you realize this is crazy talk, right? it’s impossible

Bee🐝: tell that to all my love poem emails!

Bee🐝: oh just got another one. my laptop is really not good at poetry

Cas_Wizard🪄: it’s probably just spam. or maybe somebody’s pranking you

🤡(Crispin): it could be possessed. by a clown

Bee🐝: why a clown

🤡(Crispin): because a clown might think it’s a funny prank

🌺Howell🌺: ghost clown phone

Deckard: what about the sentient computer?

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: possessed as well?

wrestling_mama!: demon computer

Dr_Dad!: Bee, I could come take a look at your laptop! Maybe it needs doctoring! :D

Bee🐝: can you doctor a computer?

Cas_Wizard🪄: no!! you can’t!!

Dr_Dad!: I can! I have a degree! :D

Cas_Wizard🪄: i give up on all of you. y’all are weird

Deckard: so uh, Bee, would you maybe wanna do something a better

Deckard: *together*

Bee🐝: sure what’d you have in mind

🌺Howell🌺: maybe you could plan your date not in our groupchat

Bee🐝: what? nah it’s not a date, we’re just hanging out as friends like friends do, right Deckard?

Deckard: sight

Deckard: *right*

Bee🐝: see

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: ow

Cas_Wizard🪄: wow Bee your dumb

Bee🐝: what why??

Bee🐝: wait. were you asking me on a date, Deckard?

Deckard: no no no! um unless you wanted me to?

Bee🐝: um not really. sorry Deckard

🌺Howell🌺: awkward

Deckard: oh. no that’s ok Bee. i get it

Bee🐝: it’s nothing against you, it’s just

Bee🐝: it’s only been a year since Moully died

🤡(Crispin): right, your last boyfriend.

Bee🐝: yeah, the one after you

Deckard: wait Crispin you dated Bee??

🤡(Crispin): yeah in high school

Bee🐝: we went on a few dates. it was a long time ago

🤡(Crispin): yeah and the break up was totally mutual

Bee🐝: yeah

Deckard: oh. I didn’t know that.

Cas_Wizard🪄: kinda weird asking out your brother’s ex-girlfriend

Deckard: well I didn’t know she was his ex!

Bee🐝: I’d still be up for hanging out as friends Deckard if you want. I’m just not ready for another relationship

Deckard: yeah no sure i get it. yeah let’s just do something. as friends

Bee🐝: cool 👍

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Cas_Wizard🪄: @🤡(Crispin) CRISPIN WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT

🤡(Crispin): chill. I spent the night at Bee’s

Deckard: what

Deckard: why

Deckard: what were you doing

wrestling_mama!: my my, are you jealous, deckard

Deckard: what no

Bee🐝: relax Deckard. we just watched TV and fell asleep on the couch. with our feet touching

🤡(Crispin): yeah we used to do it all the time

Deckard: I don’t need to relax. I’m not jealous

Bee🐝: oh. ok then

Cas_Wizard🪄: WELL NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD LET YOUR FAMILY KNOW

🤡(Crispin): k I will. jeez

Bee🐝: so I think Puppycat is a space outlaw who was cursed to be a weird dog/cat

Cas_Wizard🪄: nope! not getting involved in this!

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: what makes you say that

Bee🐝: well he told me. so i wanna help him. but i don’t know how to break the curse

🌺Howell🌺: well it could be like the princess and the frog

Bee🐝: so if I kiss him, will he change back into himself?

🌺Howell🌺: maybe. you should try it

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: but he’s not a prince

🌺Howell🌺: oh. it might not work then

Dr_Dad!: Also, Bee’s not a princess! :D

Bee🐝: so much for that. thanks anyway guys. i’ll figure out how to break Puppycat’s curse eventually

Cas_Wizard🪄: why. why??? just why

Deckard: what would you all say if… I was thinking about actually going to culinary school

Cas_Wizard🪄: FINALLY!

🤡(Crispin): no don’t go we need you to feed us

Cas_Wizard🪄: SHUT UP CRISPIN. IF DECKARD GOES TOAST CAN HAVE HIS ROOM WHICH MEANS SHES OUT OF MINE HAHAHA

wrestling_mama!: you say that now. but you will miss me when i’m no longer sleeping in the same room as you

Cas_Wizard🪄: IN YOUR DREAMS YA FERAL CAT

Deckard: so nobody would actually miss me?

🌺Howell🌺: we’ll miss your cooking

Deckard: wow. i feel so loved

Bee🐝: of course we’ll miss you Deckard. but we’ll be happy for you too because we know you’re following your dream

Dr_Dad!: Why the change of heart? You were so reluctant to go before? :D

Deckard: well yeah. but today I actually baked something and it was good.

Bee🐝: your baking’s always good

Deckard: no Bee, that’s my cooking. i set everything on fire when i bake

Bee🐝: oh yeah

Deckard: but anyway, after that, i think i can see myself getting better at baking. so i think i can go now

Bee🐝: well that’s good! i know you can do it, Deckard

🤡(Crispin): guess we’ll just starve

🌺Howell🌺: no we won’t. we’ll just eat Wesley’s fish

Wesley_kissed_a 🐠: no.

🌺Howell🌺: we’ll see about that…

Tim is online!

Tim: i’ll miss you Deckard

Tim is offline

Deckard: wow. thanks Tim. I’ll miss you guys too

Deckard: I won’t have cell service for much longer, but i just wanted to tell you guys before the train gets too far. the island looks really pretty from her

Deckard: *here*

Deckard: bye guys

Bee🐝: bye Deckard! see you on the holidays!

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Bee🐝: so @Deckard, how’s cooking school so far

Cas_Wizard🪄: don’t bug him Bee, he probably has to study! or cook. or both at the same time

Bee🐝: oh yeah I guess you’re right. don’t answer me Deckard! focus on your cooking and studying!

Wesley_kissed_a🐠: I met a girl today

🤡(Crispin): a girl? please tell me you didn’t make a fool out of yourself

🌺Howell🌺: do you think you stand a chance?

Dr_Dad!: If you ask her on a date, maybe don’t take her fishing. That’s not a very good first date. :D

Wesley_kissed_a🐠: what? I don’t want to ask her out

Cas_Wizard🪄: then why tell us about a random girl you met?? what’s exciting about that??

Wesley_kissed_a🐠: she kinda looked like a fish

🌺Howell🌺: ugh 🙄

Cas_Wizard🪄: I’m bored

🤡(Crispin): I don’t care. I’m doing art

Cas_Wizard🪄: fine. @Toast wanna do something together?

wrestling_mama!: hah

Cas_Wizard🪄: what

wrestling_mama!: you want to spend time with me

Cas_Wizard🪄: so

wrestling_mama!: i knew you would miss me after i moved into deckard’s room

Cas_Wizard🪄: I DO NOT MISS YOU. it’s just that nobody else is answering

wrestling_mama!: you specifically asked me to do something

Cas_Wizard🪄: no I didn’t

wrestling_mama!: *screenshot of “Cas_Wizard🪄: fine. @Toast wanna do something together?”

Cas_Wizard🪄: shut up do you wanna do something or not

wrestling_mama!: take me to watch a movie. i want popcorn

Cas_Wizard🪄: ugh fine

wrestling_mama!: and i want to be carried

Cas_Wizard🪄: I’m not carrying you

wrestling_mama!: we shall see 😏

Cas_Wizard🪄: no we won’t

Bee🐝: @Deckard what spices do you put in your chicken noodle soup

Cas_Wizard🪄: no disturbing Deckard while he’s at school! Deckard DO NOT REPLY. STUDY

🌺Howell🌺: how are you even making soup? you don’t have a kitchen?

Bee🐝: Puppycat and I made a campfire in the living room and heated a pot over the fire. I just need to know what Deckard uses for spice. @Deckard

Cas_Wizard🪄: NO. BEE IM COMING OVER TO CONFISCATE YOUR PHONE

Wesley_kissed_a🐠: stop her from burning her house down while you’re at it