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Published:
2022-12-07
Updated:
2022-12-12
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1,991
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2/?
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Coping Mechanisms

Summary:

Enid raised an eyebrow. “Hitting your head calms you?”

“I don't know how to explain it. It's like..” Wednesday thought about it, a frown forming. “Like the pain forces me to focus on something else. A distraction from my thoughts. The pain flares in my head and it's solid. I know why it's there, I have control over it.”

She dared a glance at their other girl who was staring back with a mixed look of interest and that same fear as before still swirling in her eyes.

Notes:

i have such a hyperfixation on this show rn and this is my first wednesday fic <3 i hope yall like

also there arent enough s3lf h@rm fanfics in the wednesday fandom for people like me to project onto so im here to change that

dont read if itll trigger you, stay safe bbys

Chapter 1: Calmign

Chapter Text

Wednesday's eyes felt heavy as they threatened to close every five seconds. She’d slept a total of six hours in the past three days and it was starting to show in her face and mannerisms. Her reflexes have slowed considerably and she was sluggish during her fencing lesson today, causing Bianca to catch her off guard and slice a small cut into the flesh on her forehead. Just like the first day she was at this wretched school. 

Lovely memories. 

After the minor humiliation caused by her stupidly weak body, she decided to skip the rest of her classes and hide away in her dorm room while her roommate was in said classes. Thing was off doing god knows what, probably wreaking havoc somewhere, so Wednesday was alone in her thoughts. Just the way she liked it. 

Walking through the door, she took one sweeping glance of the room, once satisfied she was truly alone, she sat on the floor next to her bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her head back onto the hard wall. She brought a shaky hand up to her head and began tugging at her tight plaits, pulling stray hairs loose. 

 

Why can’t I be normal? Why do I feel like this?

 

"What is wrong with me?" She muttered to herself, letting her eyes slip closed for a blissful moment. 

 

Everything. 

You're a horrible person. You don't feel like everyone else does. You don't care about anyone or anything.

 

Wednesday groaned in frustration. "Stop thinking!" She screamed, digging her palms into her eyes and bringing her head forwards, before slamming it back against the wall. 

Every time she brought her head painfully into contact with the hardwood, she shouted various insults and complaints about herself.

 

You're boring.

No one likes you.

You don't belong here.

Stop.

You're useless.

You don't deserve to have people around you.

Please stop.

You don't care about anyone.

No one cares about you.

Wednesday, stop! 

 

Frantic hands on her hair pulled her away from her attack and she flinched away from them into a corner. The girl whimpered, burying her head in her arms and rocking back and forth. She didn't even look up to see who had attacked her, letting them kill her if they so chose.

She felt more than heard someone shift their weight on the floorboards, distributing to someone sitting near her, rather than kneeling where she had previously been sitting. Completely ignoring them, she continued rocking since this was the only thing stopping her from going into a full blown meltdown. Sensing something moving towards her on the floor, Wednesday dared to glance up slightly from her arms. A hand was crawling towards her, not Thing, but a hand with colourful nails attached to it. It was slowly moving closer and closer to Wednesday's still rocking body but stopped about an inch away from touching her which she was thankful for.

Her head tilted subtly until brown met blue, she could see that they were brimming with unshed tears and too much worry and concern for one person to carry. A pathetic whine left her lips and she moved even further into the corner, away from the werewolf. She could hear Enid’s breathing, could feel the fear dripping from her body like acid and that only made her feel even worse. 

“Go away please.” Wednesday's voice was low and gravelly, lips dry as she croaked, “ Please.”

“No.”

A shiver shot up Wednesday’s spine as Enid’s voice wavered, showing the current emotions she was feeling, but pushing aside in favour of focusing on the psychic. She sighed exasperatedly, knowing that Enid wasn't going to leave anytime soon. Her head was lifted fully, choosing to rest her chin on her arms instead, staring straight ahead and still rocking.

“Why aren't you in class?” She asked, voice blank of any emotion, she didn't have the energy for it.

“I could say the same for you. Yoko saw you walking in the opposite way of your next class after fencing. She told me what happened, I figured you'd be here.” Enid replied softly. “Are you okay?” 

Wednesday scoffed. Was she okay? She didn't even know herself. 

“What do you think?” She mumbled, not even bothering to seem her normal stoic, calm self. Enid knew better anyway, she’d know that it was a deflection.

She saw Enid swallow nervously out of her peripheral vision. 

“Why were you… uh,” She paused, fidgeting with her sweater sleeve before blurting out, “Why were you hitting your head?” 

Wednesday huffed, she knew this question was coming and yet a lump still formed in her throat and anxiety pooled in the bit of her stomach. “I don't know. It calms me.” 

Enid raised an eyebrow. “Hitting your head calms you?”

“I don't know how to explain it. It's like..” Wednesday thought about it, a frown forming. “Like the pain forces me to focus on something else. A distraction from my thoughts. The pain flares in my head and it's solid. I know why it's there, I have control over it.”

She dared a glance at their other girl who was staring back with a mixed look of interest and that same fear as before still swirling in her eyes. 

“You shouldn't do that.” She spoke gently, looking into Wednesday's eyes. The girl in question just stared back blankly. 

“Why not?”

Enid pursed her lips together in frustration. “You just shouldn’t.” 

Wednesday didn't respond, just broke their stare and rocked a little harder. She had to think of another coping mechanism now, hopefully one she could hide from the prying eyes of her colourful, very observant roommate. 

Chapter 2: Red

Summary:

Wen, are you okay?" 

Wednesday glanced around with an unamused expression before dropping her head again and grumbling. "Never better."

"I stopped tapping my pen."

"I'm aware." 

Notes:

HEAVY S3LF HARM TRIGGER WARNING

it starts at
"She stared at her pale, porcelain skin."
and ends at
"The bathroom was spotless when she eventually emerged back into the room, not a single thing out of place."

I got a lot of negative comments on my first chapter about how my fic is "glorifying s3lf harm" and cs I just say, everything I write about, It's my own experience with the subject. I write about my own past and what I've gone through myself. I write for the awareness of the problem and so other people who go through this, know that they're not alone. fics about this topic really help me cope and I know other people feel the same way. if you have negative thoughts about this then don't read it, simple as.

dont read if it'll trigger you, stay safe bbys <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Wednesday has been getting more and frustrated and people are beginning to notice. Her braids are messy, her eyes have weeks worth of baggage underneath them and she's become lenient. Dare she say, soft. Not by choice, but by lack of energy. Lack of will, she thinks.

Her prying roommate has barely left her side since the incident. It's nauseating. Although sometimes the company is appreciated. Like the times where Wednesday wants nothing more than to put her head through one of the thick concrete walls in the nightshade lair, Enid makes her stay and read her preppy blogs and correct all her spellings.

Damn that werewolf and how well she knows her. Wednesday can never leave a sentence that has incorrect grammar. 

The constant presence has only somewhat alleviated the pressure and overstimulation that this wretched school brings her. Sometimes it makes it worse, but Wednesday doesn't have the heart to tell Enid that when she's trying so hard to help. Unfortunately, today is one of those days.

"Enid, will you stop tapping your pen?" Wednesday growled through clenched teeth. The incessant noise stopped almost immediately.

"Sorry." Enid murmured, starting to figdet with her hands instead. Wednesday didn't bother turning around at her desk, trying to focus on her homework. It just looked like blurs on a page, her head swimming with all the chunks of text. She sighed and let her head fall.

The sudden thump made Enid jump and turn around in her chair, a worried smile forming on her face at her exasperated roommate.

"Wen, are you okay?" 

Wednesday glanced around with an unamused expression before dropping her head again and grumbling. "Never better."

"I stopped tapping my pen."

"I'm aware." 

They sat in awkward silence for a while before Wednesday suddenly stood and headed for the small bathroom in their dorm room. She completely avoided eye contact with the blonde, who just shrugged and carried on with her work. Wednesday closed the door and quietly locked it and then pressed her back against the door. She slid down it until her chin rested on her knees. 

The bathroom was silent compared to the shared bedroom she had been residing in. There were so many noises in there that she could usually block out, Enid's pen scratching the paper and tapping out tunes. The pipes in the walls gurgling and spluttering, the floorboards creaking were Thing was playing with a cat toy that Enid had bought him. She could even hear students talking from across the courtyard. 

It was truly disgusting.

Wednesday was breathing erratically, her hands shaking, she realised. Without thinking, she brought her head forward and then back hard against the bathroom door. The loud bang startled her and she stumbled away from the door as she heard pattering footsteps coming closer.

"Wednesday?" Enid called, concern dripping from her voice. "Wednesday, are you okay? I heard a bang."

Wednesday liked her chapped lips and managed to croak out, "I'm fine. I just dropped something." Her voice cracked slightly and she mentally prayed that Enid didn't notice. She heard a slight huff and then receding footsteps, letting out a breath she hadn't realised she held.

Leaning against the cold tiles on the wall, she glanced around the room in search of anything of interest. Her eyes landed on something. She crawled towards the open cupboard underneath the sink and grabbed a plastic wrapper. She pulled out the object of her desire and stared at it.

Should I do this?

it would disappoint Enid.

But she told me I needed to find something else.

Maybe this is what she meant?

Maybe this is why she left them here.

Who needed this many anyway?

Her thoughts swirled around in her head like dust parties as she sorted through her options. She shoved the bag back in as she made up her mind, only needing one. Wednesday closed her hands around it and bent, satisfied when hearing a snap and then clutching the thing she truly wanted. Her hands were shaking as she held it in her palm before she smartened herself up. 

She sat back down on the tiled floor, legs crossed as she pulled up her sweater sleeve.

Am I really going to do this?

Wouldn't this be showing weakness?

No. This is purely a way to survive.

A coping mechanism, if you will. 

That's what Enid wanted me to find.

Right?

She stared at her pale, porcelain skin. Her thoughts turned red as her other hand dragged the metal across it sharply. She didn't even flinch. The pain shot through her system temporarily before turning into pure relief. She slumped back against the wall and sighed contentedly.  She did it again. and again. Until the skin was no longer pale but red. 

Oh so red.

After a few minutes, the relief washed away and was once again replaced with pain. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped the razor on the floor. It clattered on the smooth ground, loud enough to bring her back to reality and look at what she just did. Her skin was marred, angry gashes up and down her forearm, ranging in length and depth. She inspected each one and decided none of them needed stitches even tho they fucking hurt.

Using her right hand, she clumsily dug through the cabinet, nearly crying when she eventually found a wrap of bandages. Wednesday cleaned them with water, only wincing slightly, and wound the bandages around her arm until she was satisfied with her work. She looked at the floor for the first time and saw a small puddle of her blood and the razor dropping right in the middle of it. Her stomach became queasy, probably the blood loss she thought.

The bathroom was spotless when she eventually emerged back into the room, not a single thing out of place. Her head was significantly cleared although the scratching of the werewolves pen was still aggravating. 

Enid peered up when she walked out, cracking a smile that melted Wednesday's cold heart and made her feel immensely guilty. 

"I'll try not to tap my pen anymore, Willa. I know it bugs you." She said sincerely, guilt building in her eyes.

Wednesday nodded. "It's okay. I feel much better now, anyway." 

 

Notes:

I wrote this in like half an hour and it's not beta read so idk man I hope my fellow mentally ill autistics enjoy