Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Charlie Spring imagined for a flash of a moment about what his fourteen year old self would have thought. Hand running up the arm of a professional rugby player, sliding under the sleeve of his jersey, slipping beneath the fabric.

Of course, that fourteen year old Charlie’s imagination would have gone in a completely different and tawdry direction than what was actually happening, a decade later. This Charlie felt the shoulder under his fingers, clinically prodding to assess the muscle attachment and then moving it back and forth, checking the range of motion.

“I think you’re alright, Danny,” said Charlie.

“Fair dinkum, mate?” Danny rolled his right shoulder and smiled. The scrum-half had gotten trapped under some bodies during training and Charlie had hauled him to the PT room for a check. They still had some time before the season, the air still August-warm. No one wanted injuries before the season started, especially when they happened in practice. “Wouldda been devo to get hurt now.”

Charlie nodded, mentally translating to what he thought he remembered meant “devastating” in his head. “Take it easy for a few days in training and in the gym. It feels good but I’d rather you not put any more stress on it than you have to.”

Danny hopped off of the table and clapped Charlie on the shoulder. It had taken Charlie a while to feel comfortable with the team, and he was still more at ease with some players than others. Danny was newer to the team, having joined partway through last season, but Charlie already liked him.

An Australian who moved to England to play Premiership rugby, he added liveliness to the locker room, constantly bemusing his teammates with his Aussie quirks - both his attitude and his turns of phrase. He seemed to relish the stereotypes, inserting off-the-wall phrases whenever he could.

“Thanks again, mate,” said Danny. He moved to step out of the room, opening the door and nearly colliding with Amy as she bounced into the room. He split into a grin and tried to hip-check Amy, who laughed and dodged out of the way. They bumped fists as he headed out of room, bellowing the chorus to “Break My Stride" as he headed back to the locker room.

Amy rolled her eyes. “Idiot,” she said fondly. Charlie smiled back at her. They had been working together for two years now as physical therapists for the Leeds Badgers, though Amy had been there for the previous three seasons compared to Charlie’s two. They’d become fast friends, Amy immediately integrating with Charlie and Elle, his lifelong best friend. Amy had introduced Charlie to her best friend and dance partner Isaac, and the four of them adored each other.

Charlie sometimes thought back to his younger self and marveled at how he’d ended up where he did. High school had not been Charlie’s best time. He had struggled with understanding and then feeling forced to hide his sexuality, supported only by Elle and his sister Tori. He was never fully out in high school, and that smothering not-good-enough-ness combined with some mental health challenges… well, he didn’t like to think back much on that time. But there had been a silver lining. Through therapy and treatment, Charlie had become fascinated by the human body. Pushed by his parents to study more than just music in Uni (as they put it), he had agreed to a double-major in physiology and music, mostly to get them off his back. It was amazing that this combination of skin and muscle and bones and everything else could be worked, moved, healed. He knew he had a tendency towards some obsession, and had turned that obsession to knowing more about the body and understanding bodies as he became more interested in physical therapy as he progressed through school.

Tori’s…boyfriend? …partner? …emotional support human? …anthropomorphized cat? Michael, a competitive speed skater, had been another support and friend to Charlie once he and Tori had met during the tail end of her time in secondary school. He had talked to Charlie about his own physical therapists and how impactful they were in his athletic career, enthusiastically and terrifyingly connecting him with people in his network and arranging for work-studies while Charlie was at Uni.

Through Michael’s connections, Charlie’s developing skills, and sheer dumb luck, Charlie had connected with Premiership Rugby. He landed an apprentice PT role on the Badgers, coming in just a year after Amy had finished her apprenticeship year. The former head PT had worked on a phased retirement, and the team was eager to bring in some young professionals to build the future of the PT program for the Badgers. Or maybe it was because they’d be able to pay them less than they’d have to give someone more experienced. Regardless, Charlie found himself at twenty two in the locker room of a professional rugby team, a truly dumbfounding place to be.

He’d not been out in secondary school, but it had been clear that he was different. The rugby boys in particular at his secondary school, Truham, has sensed that he was different, like wolves scenting prey. He’d been bullied, and had harbored a particular lingering fear of the chavvy rugby culture, steering as far away from anyone particularly laddish as he could in Uni.

He had remembered standing outside the door to the stadium on his first day with the Badgers for at least eight minutes, combating his own terror to go in, until a trim, short, red-headed young woman walked up, cocked her head to the side, and said slowly, “You know that’s not an automatic door, right?”

Amy Jameson had welcomed Charlie in that day and bounced from player to player, introducing Charlie and launching into complicated explanations of the player’s injury history. It had helped Charlie reduce the players down to, well, bodies to start. Not in an objectifying way, but in a way that he tried to think of them as just bodies, with body histories, then trying to give space for their personalities to fill in later without his expectations. It had worked, in a sense, though he knew he had come off as aloof and cool at first, though professional. He was still an outsider - not part of the team.

Amy had pounced on him after his first day, demanding that they go to drinks. They had talked for hours, and Charlie had texted Elle about halfway through to invite her along, Amy doing the same with Isaac. The four of them clicked, and Charlie had remembered the way his throat had swelled that first night with joy. He had found people. And since that first night, the four of them were firm friends, combined by either professions or passions.

Elle, a fantastic artist, had gotten connected to the Badgers through Amy and Charlie and had started last season on the marketing team, serving as the lead designer.

Isaac had even taken on occasional copy editing work for the team. He and Amy were dance partners in her off time from the rugby team, and while they entered some competitions, they mostly danced for the love of it.

Charlie and Elle shared their passion for music and art, though Charlie was more inclined to the former and Elle the latter. Charlie realized a few months into their friendship how powerful it was to be with people who just genuinely cared about things, and weren’t embarrassed by their passions. He had spend so many years at Truham and even Uni believing that he had to rein in his passions to be cool, or even liked. But Elle and Amy and Isaac liked him despite his intensive love of his passions. Because of them, even. That feeling of comfortable acceptance was new for Charlie. It felt so good.

Charlie snapped out of his reverie as Amy joined Charlie in the PT room, lowering herself to the floor and going into a series of languid stretches. Legs in a V, she dropped her right ribs towards her right leg, hand wrapping around her foot and head looking up towards the ceiling. Charlie at this point just assumed that her spine was made out of gum, the woman was so goddamn flexible.

“So Danny’s all good, then?” she asked.

“Yep,” replied Charlie. “Though I’m sure he’ll immediately ignore what I said and challenge Lunker to a wrestling match in the next twenty minutes.”

Amy laughed and switched legs. “Well, at least it’d be over quick. Lunker could ball him up like a piece of paper.” Lunker was a prop who had about two feet and nine stone advantage over Danny, though Danny’s enthusiasm never seemed to dim. “It’s so nice to have everyone back together again, though. I missed these dummies.”

It was nice to be back. That still surprised Charlie.

Charlie’s first year had been a whirlwind of learning - learning the paperwork of the League, learning player needs and schedules and best practices for injuries, learning the goddamn rules of rugby, of which there seemed to be several thousand. He had leaned heavily on his friends, Tori and Michael, and music to get through the first year, and emerged on the other side, astonished to find himself with a locker room of largely friendly rugby players, the respect of the coaching staff, and an acceptably mediocre understanding (and care) of the rules of the game. He had good days, bad days - some days where the anxiety was still so tight in his chest that he felt like he wanted to pull his skin off. But the sick fear he had felt when he started had eased, the accusations of unfounded staring never materialized. He felt a whisper of that same acceptance that he had with his friends and family, but it felt more fragile. Like any whisper about Charlie could crumble the tenuous friendships he’d finally build among the team.

Charlie knew that he had found a unique locker room. From his brief experiences in work-study in Uni and some rotations that Michael had set him up with, he’d seen what some other locker rooms were like, rugby or not.

Casual homophobia, transphobia, racism - cutting cruelty labeled as banter, that label weaponized against anyone who objected. It was a combination of things, Charlie knew. Assistant Coach Singh, who put up with no shit and was most often present in the locker room. Assistant captain Seamus O'Reilly, who had come in the same year as Charlie, genuinely interested in everyone around him. Seamus and others had built a culture of team dinners and game and movie nights, regularly inviting Charlie and Amy, though Charlie didn’t often go. They also had women in the locker room - Amy and Singh and some others - and there was a zero-tolerance harassment understanding.

Harry Greene had made the mistake of telling Amy she should “move a few inches left” when she was working out a hip flexor knot for him during a halftime, squeaking in surprise when the captain and veteran team member Trevor Wilcox (Wilco, as everyone called him) handily hauled him up by his jersey and deposited him in the nearby ice bath. Wilco was probably the biggest reason for their locker room being what it was, not tolerant of distractions or friction on the team.

Now, this summer between his second and upcoming third season, Charlie had reflected on the team and how comfortable he was in his role. He was ready, eager, and happy to be starting a new season. And then they had gotten word that Nick Nelson was joining the team.

Nick Nelson.

Charlie had been nervous when he heard Nick was coming in on a trade, after spending time in the Leeds junior squad when he was younger. He knew what David Nelson, Nick’s brother, was like - hell, the whole league did. David was unequivocally a tremendous dick. He played dirty and was a known league-wide bully. He’d spit threats and harassment to other players throughout games, and Charlie had heard his homophobic and bigoted vitriol from the sidelines enough to know that he’d immediately quit his job if David was ever traded to the Badgers. Nick was a brilliant player, of course, Charlie knew that. But their team seemed to be more than its stars; a collection of people who gelled and laughed and were friendly.

Charlie had no idea what to expect when Nick joined the team. He had seen him during his first apprenticeship years when Nick was on the junior squad, but had never spoken to him or even met him. He knew Nick was coming in today, having moved during the off-season and was joining the team for their pre-season work. He glanced at his watch and Amy saw the motion.

“When’s Nelson coming, then?” she asked.

“Should be any time now,” said Charlie. “What’s the injury that kept him out today?”

“Quad strain,” said Amy, who’d be taking on Nick as one of her charges. With 45 active players on the senior squad, Amy and Charlie split the team. “It sounds like he’s feeling ready to go, so I’ll check him out when he comes in and we’ll see what’s what.”

Amy and Charlie chatted as they organized the PT room, organizing the weights and bands. They headed out together and Amy split off to the kitchen, grabbing some food before her meeting with Nick.

Charlie headed to the coaching office to prepare some player reports. He turned a corner and nearly ran into Alan Lange, the humorless pile of boring that was the team manager.

“Ah, Charlie,” said Mr. Lange distractedly. “I’m just showing Mr. Nelson around the building.” It was ridiculous that he was the only person who insisted on the "Mr." article before his name, but there they were.

Coming fully around the corner now, Charlie found himself face to face with Nick Nelson. Having only seen him from afar, Charlie had never even been close to him. Nick smiled at him, and Charlie almost felt a physical push on his chest. Nick was…glowing. He had brown eyes, soft and warm. His auburn hair sat perfectly. His broad shoulders and chest stretched his Leeds Badgers jumper.

After just a beat too long, Charlie remembered that he knew how to speak words and how to greet other human adults. He extended his hand.

“Hi,” said Charlie.

“Hi,” said Nick.

They shook hands. Dear god, Charlie was shaking hands with the Sun.

“Charlie is one of the team physical therapists,” explained Mr. Lange. “I’m sure you’ll get along famously.”

At that moment, Amy came swinging around the corner, joining the pile-up, a piece of toast hanging out of her mouth.

“You must be Nick!” she said cheerily. “I’m Amy, one of the physios with Charlie. You and I will chat in a bit and we can take a look at your quad. Lange, can you end the tour at the PT office, and we’ll get started then, Nick?” Amy was the only one who didn't usually use the "Mr.". Charlie didn't know it was forgetfulness or willfulness. Knowing Amy, it was most likely the latter disguised as the former.

“Sounds great,” said Nick. “I’ll see you in a bit, then.”

“Let’s keep moving,” said Mr. Lange in his slow, flat tone. “We’ll head to the pitch and then I’ll show you the rest of the building.” With all the pizzaz of a wet paper bag, Mr. Lange started walking down the hall past Charlie, Nick in his wake.

“Well, bye,” said Nick with a smile and a wave to Amy and Charlie.

Charlie’s throat felt a little stuck, a little too dry. “Bye.”

Charlie and Amy watched Nick and Mr. Lange recede down the hallway.

“Seems nice,” said Amy.

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “He does.”

Charlie felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

When r u done with practice? Meet at the normal spot?

Charlie looked at it, his heart jumping a little.

done around 6. yeah, sounds good!

Amy looked at him, smiling. “Is that Elle? Are we going to get a post-work drink?”

Charlie swallowed. “No, not Elle.” He focused on maintaining an even, normal tone. “I’ve actually got an appointment after work today, so no drinks for me, unfortunately. But you two and Isaac should go. You can contemplate all of the ways the three of you love me and come back with a report tomorrow.”

Amy nudged him with her hip and smiled. “It’d take more than a happy hour to do that, babe!”

Charlie smiled at her, masking the twist in his gut. 

-

A few hours later, Charlie walked out alongside a few of the rugby boys and staffers exiting. Across the car park, he saw Nick and Seamus talking animatedly, Seamus gesturing and Nick nodding and doing the same. He raised his hand to wave, but they were too far away to have seen that Charlie was there. He felt a tug in his chest and took a deep breath to soothe it down. Danny bounced past him, headed to his Range Rover, yelling about Charlie to some of the other lads as he went.

“The magician himself, Charles Copernicus Spring! You healed my shoulder with your magic touch! He has powers, boys, power!” Wilco and Lunker, walking by, laughed.

“Too bad I have to work with Amy,” said Lunker. “The only magic is when she doesn’t leave you in tears with a sports massage. How is so much evil packed into such a small body?”

They all laughed at that, and Charlie waved to the boys as he walked to the bus stop and boarded when it came, leaning his head against a window until he got off at the second stop. It dropped him near a small park, shaded with tall, broad trees. He walked to the far corner of the lot next to a shining Mercedes sedan, sliding in to the passenger side. Dark eyes watched him get in the car, a few strands of silky brown hair falling in front of them in the way that always made Charlie feel dizzy.

Charlie looked at Ben Hope and smiled. “How was your month off?”

“Good,” said Ben, meeting Charlie’s smile with his own smirk. “You?”

“Well, it’s not really a lot of time off for us. We’re working with the guys on-” Ben crashed his lips to Charlie’s, cutting him off. Charlie’s breath hitched and it took him a moment, and then he was kissing Ben back. Ben’s lips were soft, and he pushed his tongue into Charlie’s mouth, fingers on the back of his head. Charlie broke away for a breath, and Ben pulled him back. Charlie’s heart jumped. He hadn’t seen Ben in a while - in too long. Ben was a sales executive for the junior squad of the Badgers, and his role enjoyed some down time in the off season. Charlie had hoped that they would have spent more time together while Ben was free, but that hadn’t been the case. Ben had been busy, had plans. Ben wasn’t great at texting back. Ben had gotten some travel in during his time off, Charlie knew. It made sense that they hadn’t seen each other.

How Charlie Spring was kissing Ben Hope in a shaded car park in the fading sunlight was still perplexing and exhilarating to Charlie.

Charlie, well… Charlie wasn’t exactly out. He knew he was gay; he had known since Truham. Amy and Elle and Isaac knew of course, and Tori and Michael and his parents. And Olly, his incredibly loving little brother. And of course, all of them reacted and behaved the way people were supposed to - that contradictory combination of not caring because his sexuality didn’t matter and caring because his sexuality did matter. Charlie had made the decision to not come out at work, though, at least for now. While he liked the team and felt accepted by them, he didn’t want the questions, the looks. He wanted to be known for how he did his job, not his sexuality. And it was still a rugby locker room - filled with testosterone-laden men who grew up as boys in other rugby locker rooms, hearing god knows what messages, believing any number of things. Or even if not believing, hearing other boys believe those things.

Charlie had decided to keep his sexuality private when he was at work, as to avoid any distractions. And that had gone well for the first nearly two years, until that day Ben had approached him when he worked late one night after practice, that first time in the PT room…

Charlie kissed Ben back, leaning his head for another angle. Charlie drew back once more, breaking the kiss to look at Ben, about to ask if he’d want to come to Charlie’s that evening for dinner. He knew Ben was confused and conflicted about his own sexuality, and Charlie knew Ben wasn’t ready for anything public at all. Charlie wanted with his whole chest to spend time with Ben, to have him stay over and watch telly, to get a coffee together. Those dumb, domestic things. But Ben wasn’t ready. Charlie started to ask when a sweep of headlamps from another car illuminated them, and Ben drew back quickly, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

“Gotta go,” murmured Ben, drawing fully back into his own seat. “Still don’t tell anyone about this.”

Charlie opened his mouth, and then closed it again and nodded. “I get it, I know.” He scrambled to get out of the car, knowing that Ben got especially nervous when other people were around. He closed the passenger door and gave a small wave as Ben pulled back, leaving the parking lot without another glance. Charlie stood for a moment before walking back to the park bus stop, where he’d wait for a ride home to his quiet, solitary flat.

-

Elle picked him up for work the next day and they had a lovely ride, listening to music and chatting about the week. Elle told Charlie about the new campaign she was working on for the team this year, one focused on bringing in groups of people who traditionally attended less rugby - more women, more older adults, more people of color. Her “Rugby For All” campaign was welcomed by the marketing team, and she was in the midst of creating a lot of new artwork for the appeal.

They walked in together, and Elle came with Charlie to the PT room to say hi to Amy before she split off to her office for the day. As they approached the room, Nick exited. He smiled broadly and met Charlie’s eyes.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Charlie’s brain again took just a millisecond too long to remember human things. “Nick, this is Elle. She’s on our design team and does a lot of the art for marketing.”

Nick extended his hand and shook Elle’s, politely asking what she was working on. Elle gave a quick overview of the Rugby For All campaign, and Nick nodded, looking interested. After a quick conversation, Charlie’s eyes darting between Nick and Elle, Nick excused himself, smiled at Charlie again, and headed down to the locker room.

Elle glanced at Charlie. “That’s the new player, right?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “That’s Nick Nelson.”

“Hope he’s not like his brother,” murmured Elle.

“I get the feeling he’s not," said Charlie, both to Elle and himself.

-

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of practices, friendlies, scrimmages, and injuries. Amy and Charlie iced knees and taped eyebrows, stretched muscles and informed massive men that they weren’t allowed to play for a few days or weeks at a time. And every day, every time Charlie saw Nick in the hallway or the locker room, Nick always smiled and said hi. Charlie always said hi back, smiling with increasing confidence each time, a little less shy and nervous around Nick with the passing weeks.

During his time in the locker room, Charlie saw Nick got on well with all of the other lads. The younger lads often gravitated towards one another, and he nearly always saw Nick with a combination of Seamus, Danny, James (who had joined just this season). Other players drifted around their orbit, like Harry, always trying to horn in on conversations, but those four seemed to have a connection, Seamus and Nick in particular. Amy reported that Nick’s quad seemed to be perfect, and that she had no worries about the upcoming season.

Charlie knew Ben was busy - the start of the season was always rough for sales, trying to make up for missed projections. He wished Ben would text back more often, but knew he was swamped. Charlie was, too, but always found the few seconds to text Ben (or any of his other friends, or Tori, or Michael, or Olly…). Ben just had different ways of showing that he cared. He showed that he cared in the car with Charlie, brushing back Charlie’s dark curls. He was just less…verbal about it. They saw each other a few times a week, but never for more than a half an hour. Ben came by Charlie’s a few times or ushered Charlie up the stairs of his own flat, furtively looking around and barking at Charlie to hurry, be quick, hurry up. Charlie knew he was busy. He knew Ben was stressed.

Two weeks before the season started, Charlie knocked on the closed PT door, Amy calling him to come in after a moment, where he knew she was checking with whoever she was with that they were okay for someone else to come in. He came in and locked eyes with Nick Nelson’s upturned face, laying on his stomach with Amy stretching his quad for him, thigh lifted on her shoulder as she pushed his leg up and encouraged his foot towards his butt to increase the stretch. It was an exercise that Charlie had performed hundreds if not thousands of times. So why the hell was he blushing, watching this? Nick smiled at him from his prone position.

“Hhhh-i,” breathed Nick, screwing up his face with the intensity of the stretch.

“Hi,” said Charlie. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, sorry! Just needed to get some tape.”

Amy said breezily, “Not interrupting! We’re actually just about done. Actually, I do need to head to the gym to give Fitzy a few new exercises. Nick, can you make sure to write down the name of that anti-inflammatory you were asking about on a post-it before you leave?”

She released the stretch, gave Nick’s calf a quick pat, like a cow, and headed out of the room, squinting her smiling face at Charlie playfully as she left.

Charlie busied himself with the materials as Nick turned himself on the table, sitting up and rubbing his face.

“Feeling okay?” asked Charlie.

“Yeah, feeling much better. That quad’s been bothering me for ages,” Nick said, getting up. He walked over to the desk and picked up a pen, turning it over in his hands. “I was little nervous about healing up, but Coach did tell me that the Badgers had an ace PT team.”

Charlie laughed lightly. “We do okay. How’d you hurt it?”

Nick grimaced, fiddling with the pen. “A bad tackle. My leg got caught behind me but I got pushed forward as I fell, and I felt it go.”

Charlie now vaguely remembered this from when he and Amy learned that Nick would join the team, looking over his playing and injury history. Nick was looking away, clearly remembering the injury in his mind. Charlie seemed to remember…wasn’t Nick’s brother involved in that tackle? He opened his mouth to ask when Nick exclaimed.

“Shit!”

“What’s up?” asked Charlie.

Nick looked at the ruined pen in his hands, blue ink bleeding out and staining his skin. He laughed incredulously and held his hands up to Charlie. “What do I do?!”

Charlie burst out laughing. “Oh, fuck. Uh - let’s try to wash it off?” He turned on the sink for Nick, and Nick held his hands under, the ink stubbornly clinging to Nick and almost seeming to get defiantly darker.

Nick mock-wailed, “They’re gonna be blue forever!”

“You look like you slapped a Smurf,” said Charlie.

Nick laughed aloud. “Maybe I can pretend it’s a tattoo?”

“You can make it the new team fashion! Here…” Charlie grabbed some hand sanitizer. “This might help. The alcohol in it might help dissolve the ink a bit.”

“Smart,” Nick smiled. He withdrew his hands from the sink and held them outstretched after drying them off, Charlie pumping some sanitizer into his palms. He wrung them together, the ink stubbornly clinging. He looked at Charlie, his eyes laughing. “The lads are not going to let me live this down, are they?”

“Nope,” Charlie said. “Absolutely not.”

-

Two days before the season started, Charlie and Amy were in the locker room after a hard practice, both chasing down players that needed tending to. Charlie was taping up Fitzy’s fingers while Amy had cornered Danny to force him to do some stretches while Seamus supervised to make sure he didn’t escape.

Coach Croft called the locker room to order, side conversations winding down. “It’s been a hell of a pre-season, lads,” started Coach Croft. “You’ve worked hard. You’ve improved and studied and have come together as a team, even more so from last year. I’m proud to announce captains for this year, voted on by the team. First captain - Wilco.”

The team burst into raucous applause, though there was no surprise to it. Wilco had been captain for several years, and was one of the first influences guiding the locker room towards what it was today.

“Assistant captain - Seamus O'Reilly.” Again, a burst of applause and shouting, loudest from Danny, yelling, “Good on ya, mate!” above the din.

“And our second assistant captain - Nick Nelson.” Charlie’s eyes shot to Nick’s face as the lads exploded, Danny jumping nearly onto his shoulders in celebration. Nick looked startled, and then a huge, embarrassed grin split his face.

“Nelson, you’re the youngest assistant we’ve had on this team, but clearly, you’ve made an impression during these two months,” continued Coach.

Charlie knew this was true. He had seen the late night that Nick pulled, the conversations he had with every member of the team, the way he remembered the janitors’ names. He had captured hearts and minds in Leeds, too - constantly pulled into interviews and getting a lot of attention on Twitter. And of course - he was an incredible player, most people saying he'd be one of the leagues stars within a few years. Charlie knew this captaincy would set Twitter even more ablaze - Nick would be a year younger than Seamus was when he was named assistant captain. And it was his first three months on the team. It really spoke to what his teammates thought of him. Charlie’s heart was nearly bursting with joy and pride for Nick. He was being clapped on the back still, his face and neck red. His brown eyes momentarily met Charlie’s blue ones, and Charlie looked away, flushed at being caught. He missed Nick’s smile back.

-

Amy and Charlie were packing up the PT room as they prepared for their day off tomorrow, ahead of the first home game. There was a knock at the open door, and Seamus and Nick leaned in.

“Team dinner tonight, docs,” announced Seamus. “The Taverna, at eight.”

“I’m in,” said Amy.

“Charlie?”

“Oh, I…” Charlie trailed off. He didn’t quite feel like part of team, even though Seamus and Danny were quick to retort when Amy or Charlie (mostly Charlie) hinted at this.

“Please come,” said Nick, with a grin. “It’s our last team event before the game next week.”

Charlie felt his heart stutter. “Okay,” he said slowly, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

-

Amy picked Charlie up at 7:45, Charlie having texted her demanding that they be a little late, and not the first ones to Taverna. He knew from the few he had attended that it was less of a sit-down dinner, more of high tables and the team staff ordering masses of food, which the boys all stole from each other. He could feel Amy rolling her eyes when he sent that text, but she acquiesced, anyway.

On their way to the restaurant, they talked about Amy’s emerging interest into dating again. She had dated a guy named Caden for a year and a half. Caden had spoken about moving in together, and had even given Amy a key. When she had gone over to his place one evening when he was supposed to be on a work trip, delivering a meal for him to come home to, she had walked in on what she had described later to Charlie as Caden “having non-accidental penetrative intercourse” with another woman. Seamus and Danny had been livid when they heard about it, and had insisted on going with Amy and Charlie when she met up with Caden for the last time to get her things back. It hadn’t been pretty. But that had also been one of the first times that Charlie really had felt like they were part of the team; that Seamus and Danny authentically cared. At least about Amy. But Charlie had been glad to be a part of it and it had cemented his views of both Seamus and Danny - decent guys who were interested in the people in their lives.

Amy spoke for a while about dating apps and if she was or was not going to go on any of them, when she caught herself. “Christ, Charlie, what white woman nonsense is this. I’ve been talking about myself for about seventeen hours. What’s up with you? She paused, cautious. “Have you thought at all about dating? Like, maybe on the road even?”

She knew that Charlie was cautious about coming out publicly to the rugby team, and held on to worry about even online dating in their town getting back around. Charlie’s stomach flipped, like it did every time he lied by omission about Ben. He wanted to tell her and Elle and Isaac so badly, but he would never out Ben. And he didn’t really want to say any of it out loud, either, but he wasn’t sure why. It just sounded bad when he said it out loud, like it was this grammar school secret make-out thing. It didn’t sound like the thing a twenty-four year old man did.

“A bit, yeah. But honestly, we’ve been so busy that there’s not a lot of time.”

“Yeah, I know,” agreed Amy. “Isaac’s been giving me shit for how little we’re dancing right now.”

“How is Isaac?” asked Charlie, seizing the opportunity to change the subject.

“He’s doing great,” Amy said happily. Isaac was muscular and and incredible dancer. He was also a voracious reader, almost never without a book in hand unless he and Amy were practicing or performing. Amy and Charlie eventually stopped even teasing him about bringing a book to dinner or bars because it was such a frequent occurrence.

“He’s actually been getting involved in the Leeds LGBTQIA+ spaces lately, y’know, provide some ace representation.”

“That’s great,” said Charlie, who hadn’t realized that Isaac was getting more involved in the queer community. Isaac was one of those “mystery wrapped in enigma” type of people, and genuinely one of the nicest people that Charlie knew. He was quiet, caring, and surprisingly poignant, often coming up for air from a book to drop a quip, a piece of stunning wisdom, or an insight the other three hadn’t thought of.

Amy pulled into the car park and turned off the car. “Ready?” she asked with a grin.

“Ready,” said Charlie, actually feeling…ready.

They walked in to a wall of noise. The team was in the back half of the pub, with the front half crowded with Badgers fans craning to get a look at their favorite players and trying to shoehorn their way in to the player party. Amy and Charlie squeezed their way to the back, catching James’s eye, who pointed them out to the hostess, who let them through.

A chorus of yells went up as they walked in, greeting them. Charlie figured it was the guys being polite, but did notice that when Mr. Lange walked in, there were more nods and handshakes than genuine enthusiasm. Though, generating a warmer welcome than Lange was not something to take particular pride in.

Amy was pulled into a conversation with Lunker and James, and Charlie looked around, a bit uncomfortable, not sure where to stand or if he should join the conversation. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Seamus grinning.

“All right, mate?” Seamus handed Charlie a beer. Charlie was not a beer drinker…but still, it was nice to be thought of.

“All right,” said Charlie.

“So, give me the rundown. How’s everyone looking for the game?” asked Seamus.

This Charlie could do. “Not bad. Lucas and Will are both back to fit, and Les should be set to go in a week, I think.”

“What about Nelson? Still looking okay?”

“As far as I know, yeah,” said Charlie. “He’s one of Amy’s, but she said his quad is healed and he’s done plenty of work to get it back to full strength.”

“Looks like he’ll do a bit more work now, too,” remarked Seamus, nodding towards the bar.

Some cute blonde girl had worked her way into the room, and was talking to Nick by the bar, her head cocked to the side. Nick was smiling down at her, and she sidled closer, sliding her hand up his arm. Charlie had seen this hundreds of times before. He knew how most of the rugby boys flirted, the way they commanded attention when they went out. He knew how many women clamored to get pictures with them, drinks, sexual conquests - and he knew Nick would be a popular commodity. Seamus was frequently the object of attention, often working his charm to get free drinks or better seating, though he never messed around, as he had a girlfriend. Nick looked over, seeing him and Seamus. Charlie could see Nick nodding and seemingly wrapping the conversation, taking a quick selfie with the girl’s phone and handing it back to her and making his way to them, the girl looking disappointed as he left.

“Trying to pull there, Nelson?” asked Seamus.

Nick looked embarrassed. “Oh…no. No, she was just a fan wanting a picture.”

Seamus laughed. “‘Course she was,” he said stoutly. “I’m off to the loo, lads.”

Charlie found himself standing with Nick Nelson. He was glad he had a drink in his hands so he had something to do with them. “So…congratulations on the captainship. That’s really incredible.”

Nick smiled and rubbed his hand on his face for a moment. “I truly never expected that. I mean, absolutely stunned.”

“Well, I wasn’t,” said Charlie, more bold than usual. “It’s clear that you’ve had a pretty big influence on the team already. It seems like it’s a natural fit for you and the club.”

“You sound like my mum,” laughed Nick. “She said nearly the same thing. She was so lovely about it. She told me that she was proud but not surprised, and said she knew before I was even traded that this was the team for me.”

“Your mum sounds great,” said Charlie. He knew this was somewhat shaky ground. Nick’s family was seemingly a mixed bag, based on what he knew of Nick’s brother and what he was hearing about his mum.

Nick smiled. “She is. She was a single mum for most of my playing life, and was the most determined sports mum imaginable. She was at every match, rain or shine, even after work days. She supported me when I went into the development program instead of Uni, and said I’m welcome to live in her house when I’m in my forties post-rugby and do decide to go to Uni.” Charlie laughed.

“Yeah, the dream of every retired pro rugby player. Post-career with mum.”

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try her tea,” teased Nick. “I got rinsed for living with her for so long during juniors, but who wants to do their own laundry? And cook?”

Their talk turned to safer waters, away from family and to talk of what Nick liked to cook. Charlie was surprised that Nick did cook - and seemingly, bake, which Nick admitted sheepishly. They had been talking for twenty minutes when Coach Singh called everyone to attention. She gave a speech about the rookies on the team, and as a room, they applauded for each rookie, cheers and celebration rising up as drinks went down.

Later, Charlie found himself at a table with Amy, Danny, James, and Seamus. Nick was talking to Wilco, deep in a serious-looking conversation. James and Danny were interrupting each other, telling stories from their time in Uni, when they had played together.

“So, we’re headed home from the bar,” James continued, “And there’s this line of dark stuff that we see when we get to our street. We’re all like, what the fuck is this? Oreo crumbs? So we keep walking home and the line is still on the street, and then we see it goes into our house. And so we follow it inside, and it goes in the door, and then up the first set of stairs, and then down the hallway, and then up the second set of stairs, and then, and fucking then, we see Danny, stark raving naked, with a tree from a nursery, you know where the roots are wrapped in fabric with all the dirt on them? And Danny is in the hall, trying to plant the tree on his bed, yelling, ‘TOO DAMN LONG! We’ve been living in this shithole TOO DAMN LONG and I’m gonna make this motherfucker a tropical forest!’”

They all howled with laughter. Charlie had tears in his eyes as Danny mimed how he had apparently tried to plant the tree, James interrupting that Danny clearly had no memory of that night, and Danny retorting that he had gotten enough memories from the other lads to let him develop a memory, and on and on. They went on, James and Danny exchanging Uni and early team stories, each one more ridiculous than the last. Charlie knew that they had been on the same Uni team and played in the league on separate teams in Premiership before Danny was traded to the Badgers, James joining this year. It must be great to be back together; he couldn’t imagine being split up from Elle after their lifetime growing up together.

Charlie excused himself to use the toilet, and walked down the hall towards the loo. As he was going down, he saw Nick exiting, and they met in the hall.

“Hi,” said Nick with a smile.

“Hi,” Charlie smiled back.

“It looked like you were getting some rowdy stories from James and Danny,” said Nick.

“My god, yeah,” said Charlie. “I mean, Danny now is ridiculous, I almost don’t want to imagine nineteen year old Danny.”

Nick laughed and shuddered. “Every mother’s nightmare.” His voice softened. “I’m glad you came.”

Charlie smiled. “I’m glad I did, too. Thanks for…thanks for welcoming me.”

Nick returned the smile. “I’m headed out in a few. Gotta rest up tomorrow to be ready for the game. Do you need a ride?” Charlie felt his heart jump, though he knew Nick was just being polite.

“No, thanks, Amy and I live pretty close so she’ll drop me off.” Did Nick look disappointed, even fleetingly? No, definitely not.

“Sounds good,” said Nick. “Have a great night, Charlie.”

“You, too. Thanks, Nick.”

Charlie went into the loo and stood for a moment, looking at the mirror and breathing. It was so stupid to have a crush on Nick Nelson. And it was Nick’s fault, too. It was unfair for someone to be talented at sport and genuinely kind and be that muscular and to have that disarming charm. Yeah. This was definitely Nick’s fault.

A bit later, a few of the executives and back office staff started to show up to get some free drinks from the team. Elle had gone to an art show that night, so she wasn’t attending, but Charlie said hi to the people he knew from finance, sales, marketing. Imogen in media relations grabbed Charlie at one point to let him know that a new media specialist was coming on board - the team was going to make an internally-produced documentary of the season - and promised to introduce him soon. Tao, he thought his name was?

Charlie and Amy met back up a few minutes later, and decided that they were going to head out. As they went to leave the back room, Charlie’s eye was caught by some motion going on in the corner of the room. It was nothing foreign to a rugby party, but still drew his eyes. Charlie felt sick as he watched Ben lean down to kiss a brunette woman, brushing her hair back and tilting his head to kiss her more deeply. In public. In front of the team. In front of everyone. Charlie shrank back, grateful Ben didn’t seem to realize he was there. He gave a last, desperate look as he and Amy left, Ben’s hand in the woman’s hair and one wrapped around her back.

-

Charlie pulled out his phone, trying to decide what to text Ben after a quiet car ride home with Amy, her not fully seeming to buy his claim that he over-indulged.

do you have a girlfriend? No, that could get into semantics of "girlfriend" versus "showy public hookup friend".

who were you kissing today? Too direct?

do you even like me? Too intense.

you’ve got some fucking nerve… He wished he would send that.

Charlie sighed. He was furious. He was hurt. He was…worth more than this. Was he? Maybe not. But he didn’t want this. This constant gut-twisting of wondering if Ben even cared about him. He had made so many excuses for Ben - him being busy, his terror at coming out. But he couldn’t escape that Ben definitively cared less than he did. And a tiny, flickering part of him thought that maybe he could find someone who did care about him. Someone who wanted to spend time with him.

I don’t want to meet up any more.

what the FUCK Charlie - why not??

sorry

FFS charlie stop being dramatic

WHY NOT

We’re not gonna get caught

Charlie??

dont be a bitch, Charlie

Charlie closed and silenced his phone and dropped into bed. He didn’t sleep.

Chapter Text

The season opener was tomorrow, and there was a nervous, excited energy throughout the stadium, both team and support staff alike. The team had just wrapped a physically light training session, focusing more on film and running light-touch plays to prepare for Gloucester. Amy and Charlie hadn’t needed to treat any player emergently, instead just checking up on their charges and making sure the starting fifteen players and eight substitutes healthy and as ready to go as possible before checking in with the practice squad players.

Charlie’s eyes were irritated and his whole body felt sluggish and heavy. He was attentive and focused as he spoke to his players, but whenever he had a moment, his mind magnetized back to the night before. It was stupid of him. Stupid to mess around with Ben, stupid to have been okay with how shitty the whole thing had felt, stupid to feel so upset about someone who cared so little about him, stupid for… everything. He could sense Amy’s eyes flickering to him throughout the day. He made an excuse to go to the head office when she was wrapping up with Wilco, working out a shoulder knot that kept getting aggravated, wanting to avoid a conversation.

Charlie walked up the stairs to the office that housed a bunch of miscellaneous departments: Media relations, marketing, customer support. He took a moment to school his face so Elle wouldn’t question him either - and she was even harder to hide from than Amy. Their decade-plus friendship made it so that Elle picked up on most changes in him. That had been both a blessing and a curse in secondary. It had been hard to not tell the girls (and Isaac) about Ben. It had been so exciting when it started, this genuinely hot man wanting him and pursuing him. But Charlie knew Ben was confused and conflicted about his sexuality, and he’d never be the one to out someone who wasn’t ready. It wasn’t his to tell, as much as Charlie wanted to process it all with his friends - the early excitement, the ongoing conflict, the gut-gouging sadness now. Charlie huffed out a quick breath and walked into the upstairs office, spotting Elle and heading over to her desk.

“Charlie!” exclaimed Elle, stepping back from her standing desk and stretching. Charlie looked and saw a half-completed graphic showing a diverse array of faces, clearly for her new initiative. It already looked incredible. 

Despite his mood, Charlie grinned. Elle was so talented. “That looks incredible,” he said. He pointed towards the drawing of the older woman that was nearly done and looked closer. “She almost looks like…”

“Ms. Greenwood, yeah!” laughed Elle. She had been Elle’s first form teacher at Higgs, the girls’ school she had switched to from Truham after coming out as transgender. Charlie and Elle had both been through rough times in secondary, and while it was so hard for Charlie to have Elle leave Truham, he knew it was the right thing for her. It had been clear in her bright-eyed smile and her straightened shoulders even just a few weeks after she started. She hadn’t needed to hide any more, and it had been gratifying to see her as her whole self. 

Charlie perched himself on the edge of a nearby metal filing cabinet and chatted with Elle as she did some more shading. They decided to go out with the whole group after the game tomorrow, win or lose, to celebrate the start of the season. Charlie texted Amy and Isaac as they talked, both of whom were enthused about meeting up. 

Elle was winding up her work when a cheerful Imogen came over, a mildly grumpy-looking tall man in tow with her. 

“Charlie, Elle! Charlie, I think I told you last night that we had someone new on the media team. This is Tao. He’s going to head up media production for us - both footage and then some behind the scenes docu-type things for the team! I actually have to dash, but take a minute to meet, and then Tao, meet me back at the media bullpen when you’re done and I’ll keep showing you around.”

Charlie looked at Tao who scowled a little at Imogen’s “docu-type thing” as she headed off to another part of the office. Hiding a smile, he extended his hand. “I’m Charlie. I’m one of the team physical therapists, and this is Elle - she does design for a bunch of the teams.” 

Tao shook both of their hands, still serious-faced. “I’m Tao. Like she said," (here, Tao craned his neck in the direction that Imogen went) "I’ll be doing some more typical stuff, but also talked to the owners about an ongoing documentary series about the team.”

Elle, always the one who knew how to open people up, responded, “Oh, that sounds really incredible. I’m working on a ‘Rugby for All’ campaign - I love the idea of showing the human side of the players, too.”

Tao scoffed. “Human side of giant moronic rugby lads? I don’t know if there’s enough memory in the camera to collect footage of that.”

Elle rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “They’re not all that bad. Some of them are great. Actually, a lot of them. How did you end up doing media for a rugby team, then, if that’s how you feel?”

“Well, I studied film at Uni,” said Tao. “But due to the reprehensible lack of culture in this town, there is nothing artistic that’s hiring. So after about a million freelance jobs… here I am. I suppose I’ll work here during the season and then do some freelance stuff in the off season.”

“That’s what a lot of us do,” said Elle. “Charlie,” she nodded to Charlie, “Plays music, I do my own art, and our friends who also work for the team are dance partners. So, we all have our professions and our passions,” she finished. “It’s a nice way to get some balance.”

Tao’s face softened just a bit. “That’s… nice,” he said slowly. He turned to Charlie. “Do you play in a band, then?”

“No, just mostly for myself,” said Charlie. “I have a drum kit at my flat, and then occasionally I’ll help out a friend who’s short a drummer for a gig, but nothing formal.”

Tao nodded. “And…do you two like cinema?”

“Definitely!” Said Elle. “We probably spent 40% of our time in secondary watching some film or the other at each other’s houses.”

“You two knew each other before this?”

“Yeah!” Said Charlie. “We’ve known each other since, god, what…year 8?”

“Year 7!”

“Jesus, we’re old.”

They all laughed at that. 

“So…” said Tao slowly, as if testing the waters. “What kind of films do you like?”

“I love horror,” said Charlie. “But I also watch most of the Oscar bait type stuff, too.” He paused, deciding to test the waters immediately, sensing that Tao wouldn’t respond poorly. “And I watch a lot of LGBT stuff, too.”

Tao just nodded appreciatively. “And you, Elle?”

“Oh, a mix of things,” said Elle. “I love stuff that’s fun and a little quirky, though. Like Moonrise Kingdom? That’s one of my favorites.”

Tao lit up. “Wes Anderson?! I love him. The Life Aquatic? The Royal Tenenbaums? He’s so good. The whole anamorphic on display approach he does…what do you like best about him? His shots? The art direction?”

Elle laughed. “I mean…I love that film, but I also like, you know, Tangled and Frozen and Hocus Pocus and all that.”

Tao widened his eyes in mock (or maybe a little bit real?) horror. “Disney?! I mean, I’ll give you Hocus Pocus, but otherwise, Disney is such shit."

“Disney is cute!”

“Disney is trite!”

“Don’t you ever just want to watch something light and… enjoy?”

“Never! I want to feel! And think!”

“God, what do you read for fun? The Bible?”

“What??”

“What’s your casual bedtime reading then? War and Peace? The unabridged catalog of David Foster Wallace?”

Tao sputtered. Charlie could see the laughing, playful look in Elle’s eyes. He had a feeling Tao was going to fit in just fine.

-

There were about 90 minutes until the first match of the season, a home match, began. The team were in various states of dress and undress, preparing for the game. Amy and Charlie were engaged in some last-minute player support, taping fingers and joints and setting up their medi-kits for the game. 

As they worked, the lads were each engaged in their own pre-game traditions around them. Danny was bounding around the locker room, endlessly talking. It was as usual unclear on if he was talking to the other players or just talking to himself through the other players. Lucas sat silently in front of his stall, knees wide, holding his rosary, lips moving. Seamus and Wilco were shoulder to shoulder, talking intensely, mapping plays on the palms of their hands. A trickle of players went to and from the coaches’ office, called in to discuss strategy.

The changing room varied in terms of nudity, which Charlie wasn't even aware of by this point. Amy knelt by Lunker's stall, taping his knee for the game, seemingly entirely unaware of James walking past entirely naked, flopping around as he reached for his UnderArmour shorts. After years in a changing room, neither of them were bothered. Nudity was all contextual, and there were few things less sexy than a changing room that smelled of sweaty cotton. Charlie finished testing Stig’s (Ian Stigworth, a second row player) ankle and wished him luck before standing and stretching his back, tight from leaning over. Curious about Nick’s pre-game preparations, he finally let his eyes fall on Nick, who he had been studiously avoiding.

Nick was on the ground in the corner of the locker room, stretching out his quad. His gaze was straight ahead, and he was chewing the side of his bottom lip. Charlie tried not to stare at that. 

Nick looked up and caught Charlie’s eye. He gave a crooked half-smile.

“All right?” Charlie asked, walking over.

“Yeah, all right,” said Nick. “Y’know… new team, new fans. New teammates. Just want to do well.”

“Oh… I also mean… is your quad okay?” Charlie asked, feeling his own awkwardness.

Nick reddened slightly. “Oh, yeah, it’s fine. I’m all set.”

Charlie nodded. He wanted to ask Nick if he had family there, if he was feeling nervous - so many things. But he didn’t want to distract him before the match. “Good luck, Nick. You’ll do brilliantly.”

Nick gave another tight smile. “Thanks, Charlie.”

-

After warmup, a return to the changing room, and a series of pre-game speeches, it was time. The team lined up in the tunnel - subs first, then front-row players, then the rest, then the captains. Charlie could hear the muffled but audible sounds of the stadium announces, the crowd whipped into a frenzy. When they heard the, “Leeeeeeeds Badgers!” Boom over the system, the boys took off, whooping and yelling. The coaches followed, and then Charlie, Amy, and the support staff followed, holding water bottles, tape, and medi-kits. 

There was another brief warm-up, and then both teams lined up for the anthem. The returners went into their old patterns. Seamus stood, hands in fists, head bowed, rocking side to side. Danny stood next to James, eyes closed, a hand on his shoulder, which apparently had been a tradition since their Uni days. Wilco looked up in the stands to where he knew his wife and kids were sat, eyes clear and open. Charlie’s eyes again found Nick, chewing his lip again (goddamnit, Nick), his eyes intense.

The anthem ended and Charlie’s attention snapped back to the pitch as Wilco and the Gloucester captain shook hands with the referees and each other. They took the coin toss, Gloucester winning and electing the ball in the second half. 

The team took the field, the crowd dizzyingly loud. The Badgers kicked the ball, and the match began.

Play was fast and aggressive, all players clearly energised to be back in the thrill of competition. The Badgers moved well, the ball flying from player to player, occasionally caught in mauls or rucks. Charlie’s heart pounded as the ball was passed to Nick - who passed to Harry, who was tackled and handed it back to Seamus, who went to James, who went back to Nick who…

Knocked-on. The ball bounced off Nick’s chest and dropped to the field, the crowd groaning. Charlie exchanged glances with Amy, who grimaced. The referee blew the whistle and the scrum started, advantage to Gloucester. Charlie could see the tightness around Nick’s jaw, clearly furious with himself. Gloucester ran a brilliant series of plays and tucked the ball in neatly for a try, dodging tackles. Charlie watched Seamus go over to Nick, a hand on his shoulder, clapping him on the back. He saw Nick take a breath and his shoulders heave. He really shouldn’t be watching one player closely enough to see his shoulders heave. Focus, Charlie scolded himself.

Gloucester kicked off the ball, and the Badgers drove up the field. Danny hauled the ball off to Lucas, who passed to Nick. Nick and Seamus ran up the field together, ball dancing between them. Seamus was taken down in a tackle and handed the ball to Nick again, who dodged a series of tackles, including one brilliant step-back where the player ended up tackling himself into the mud. He reached over the line and the crowd went wild.

Nick had scored the Badgers’ first try of the season.

The rest of the game was a heartstopping back and forth, but the Badgers prevailed. Seamus and Nick both had two tries apiece, with Harry, Wilco, Danny, and Will scoring tries and penalty kicks. They ended up winning the match 40 - 34, and the mood in the locker room was nothing short of riotous. There were no major injuries, and in fact, no one hauled off to the blood bin at all for any treatments, which was a first for an opener. The team was loud as they rallied back to the locker room. Most of the support staff had spilled in, including Tao and Imogen, on media duty, Imogen directing Tao’s video work and snapping her own pictures of the celebrations. 

“Oi, wankers!” yelled Wilco. “It’s time to award Badger Bill!”

Badger Bill, Charlie knew, was a taxidermied badger that had been with the team since the 1990s. Badger Bill was awarded to one of the players after each game. Badger Bill was also disgusting. Having been at every game, home and away, for nearly thirty years, the mammal was covered in sweat and blood and probably many other bodily fluids, none of which were pleasant to think about. He had patches of missing fur where he’d been petted by hundred of grimy hands. Receiving Badger Bill was a true honor. 

Coach Croft came out of the office, grinning and clutching the mangled, dead-eyed dead mammal. He would give the badger out the first time, and then the awarded player would give it to someone else the next match, handed off throughout the year. 

“The first Badger Bill bestowing of the Leeds Badgers Rugby Club will go to…” he paused for dramatic effect. “A player who…” pause. Laughter. “Showed Leeds just what he could do… Nicholas Nelson!”

The locker room erupted into cheers, Danny and Seamus wrapping their arms around Nick and jumping up and down. Nick was laughing, then gripping the badger for Imogen to take a photo, the team gathering behind him. 

“I’ll text that one to you,” smiled Imogen, to Nick. “Now, clean up a bit - you’re going to do a post-game interview.” 

Nick pushed his auburn hair back, smoothing it, and nodded. He trailed Imogen out of the locker room, meeting Charlie’s eyes on the way out. Nick beamed a huge grin at Charlie as he passed and leaned in slightly, whisper yelling, “We won!”

We. We won. Charlie smiled back, unable to tamp down his joy.

-

Charlie, Amy, Isaac, Elle, and Tao went out to celebrate the first game. The team was going to a club downtown, and while they were implicitly invited, Charlie and Amy knew that the team would want some bonding time, and decided instead on a local pub with a trivia night. They made an impressive team. Charlie and Amy did well on most science subjects, Elle on history and art, Isaac on literature, most of them doing well with music, and Tao absolutely destroyed the cinema round. 

Tao seemed to fit naturally with them. He was a bit dour, but that disguised a wicked sense of humor and a genuine interest in others. He asked each of them about their lives in and out of work, and they did the same. They found out that he was an only child, and that his dad had passed away when he was younger. He loved film (of course) and arcades in nearly equal measure, claiming to be “unbeatable” in Dance Dance Revolution. Amy and Isaac had squawked at that, and Elle proclaimed that they needed an arcade night soon, Tao challenging that they needed a film night sooner. It was a lovely time, but Charlie was absolutely knackered a few hours in, the exhilaration of the day (and the Ben thing) wearing on him. Isaac picked up on his yawns and offered to run him home, Amy offering to taking Elle. Tao insisted that he was fine and was going to walk, living nearby, rejecting all emphatic offers of a ride from both Amy and Isaac.

Charlie thanked Isaac after the ride home, opening his flat door and collapsing onto the couch. He pulled out his phone and checked his notifications. A few texts and a follow request from @nicholaszzzzz.

Charlie was so surprised that it took his Face ID two times to recognize him. He logged in and approved the request (he had already followed Nick weeks ago). He scrolled through Nick’s photos, immediately liking the one from the locker room a few hours back, the one that Imogen had taken. He looked at Nick’s Following, noticing that he also followed Imogen. And Elle. And… Mr. Lange. Charlie groaned to himself. Clearly Nick was just that nice. He made an effort to know the whole “we” of the team, and Charlie was just one part of that team. 

-

Two weeks and two more matches later, the Badgers had a 2-1 record, and Charlie was miserable. Not from work or the team, but because of Amy. Evil, possessed Amy. Always focused on fitness, Amy occasionally was able to coax (bully?) Charlie into working out with her after practice. Today was one of those days, and she had laid out a brutal series of exercises for them, interspersing body weight and weighted exercises with sprints. They were about 40 minutes in and Charlie was drenched in sweat, his dark curls falling into his blue eyes. 

“Are… we… dead yet,” he gasped. 

“Not quite!” Amy chirped. “Just one more sprint set.”

They were on the edge of the pitch, staying off the field to preserve the field’s grass. Charlie groaned and stood back up, pointing ominously at Amy as he made his way with her to the far end of the field. “You…you owe me our next set of concert tickets. Our next four sets.”

Amy laughed and nudged his shoulder. “One more sprint set, eh? Then we’re done. And I’ll even buy you dinner before our next concert. Anything you want that costs less than 5 quid.”

Charlie huffed, too winded to even laugh. “Last one. Let’s go.”

They matched up with the try line. Amy counted down. “Ready, set… fucking go!”

Charlie pushed hard. He wasn’t that competitive, but he wanted to beat Amy. Maybe then she would finally stop making him work out with her. Or god, maybe beating her would just make her want to work out even more to beat him? Ugh, he could contemplate that horror later.

He flew past her and sprinted to the far try line, collapsing his hands onto his knees and breathing hard. Amy ran in a few second after, and Charlie heard echoed clapping from the tunnel. 

He turned to see Seamus, Wilco, and Nick standing in the tunnel, applauding and laughing. The three made their way over to Amy and Charlie.

Seamus extended a hand to Amy. “You making Charlie train with you again?”

“I have to,” Amy said seriously as she clambered up. “I need someone who can actually keep up with me, unlike you when we had that pushup competition.”

Seamus looked scandalised. “That was one time! And it was after a match!” he exclaimed, Wilco and Nick both laughing.

Nick walked over to Charlie as Amy and Seamus went back and forth, Wilco chiming in. He looked impressed. “You’re, like… really fast.”

“Oh,” said Charlie, reddening a little. “Yeah, I ran a bit in secondary, and some at Uni, too.”

“You should have played rugby,” said Nick. “You’d be able to tear up the field!”

“Aren’t I a bit small and weak to be a rugby player?” asked Charlie. 

“Oh, no, there are positions that are much more about speed and skill,” said Nick.

“So you are saying I’m small and weak?”

Nick blanched. “No!… No, no I mean…”

Charlie laughed, and Nick, relieved, joined him.

“I do a bit of extra conditioning on the side,” said Nick. “After training, I mean.” 

Charlie had in fact noticed Nick lingering at the stadium late. He was a true good player but clearly worked hard to play at the level he was. He was often diagramming film or plays, meeting with the other captains, or cooling down on a stationary bike long after the other players had left.

“You should join me sometime,” Nick continued. “I could use someone to push me to be faster.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie, trying to control the smile creeping across his face. “I could do that sometime.”

Amy, now listening back in, looked highly affronted. “You’ll agree to work out with him and not me? It took me two hours of badgering and letting you choose the music in the car for a week to get you to join me today.”

“I hate to be the one to tell you, Ames,” said Wilco, laying a hand on Amy’s shoulder. “But that professional rugby player,” he pointed to Nick, “is way more chill to work out with than you.”

Amy scoffed and Charlie smiled, his heart warm in his chest.

-

The Badgers were now five weeks in, 6 matches completed. They boasted a 4-2 record, and Nick’s star had grown exponentially. Media clamored for his attention after games, and Imogen was constantly whisking him away to one interview or the other. Charlie occasionally saw Nick in the tunnel, stands, or press room, grilled by a reporter with tens of cameras pointed at him. The questions, Charlie knew from the interviews he had watched (secretly), ranged from banal to intrusive.

“Nick, tell us about that try to open the second half.”

“Nick, what does leadership feel like for such a young player?”

“How does it feel knowing you’ll match up against your brother David in a few weeks?”

And of course, 

“Anyone special in your life these days, Nick?”

Charlie couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have every word listened to, every facial expression watched carefully. Sometimes interview clips would be played back on morning sport shows, the commentators criticizing a word choice or a perceived lack of interest Nick had showed. Nick was cautious in his answers, friendly but distant, staying intentionally vague. He commended his teammates and the coaches, dodged personal questions, and spoke politely about his brother and his team. Imogen was always in the room with Nick’s interviews or hovering nearby, and would rush up to him after the interviews concluded, telling him how well he did and sending him to his next engagement. 

Charlie had been surprised when Nick had followed up on his offer of conditioning. They had worked out together two weeks back, and had a great time. Nick was interested in developing his speed, so he and Charlie ran a series of sprint work drills, and Charlie felt a stab of pride that he could (occasionally) beat a professional rugby player. And Nick was just so - so welcoming. He paid attention to what Charlie said and asked him questions about his running, like he cared about the answers. And Nick had genuinely thanked him after, telling Charlie that he appreciated running with him; that Charlie’s speed challenged him and helped him develop. 

That night when they had left the stadium, they had crossed paths with Ben, who was leaving from a late sales meetings with some of his colleagues. Charlie saw Ben’s hand tighten, white around his phone. Charlie had a few stony looks from Ben when he had seen him in the previous weeks, and had steadfastly ignored the few texts that Ben had sent him since. 

Nick nodded to Ben, who nodded back, jaw set and tight. Charlie turned to Nick as they walked away. “So… you know Ben, then?”

Nick nodded. “Not well, but yeah, I know him from when I was on the Juniors team with the Badgers. We’ve done a few pub nights and that.”

Charlie had just nodded and let it drop, instead letting his mind drift to the idea of a pub night with Nick, just the two of them.

And now, a few weeks later, here they were again. Charlie and Nick were doing another workout, speed drills this time, too. Nick asked Charlie if he had ever tried playing rugby, and Charlie laughed as he explained how in secondary gym class, he had once bounced off a tackling dummy, the dummy utterly unphased by Charlie’s attack.

Nick had countered with his own story, telling about how once in Juniors he had scored a try with a deep dive, sliding into the uprights and knocking himself clean out. “My only concussion in those three years,” he groused. “Defended against by a damn pole.”

Charlie glanced at his watch, realizing that it was getting late and the last bus would leave in 20 minutes. “I need to get going,” he said. “And you have practice early tomorrow, so as one of your team PTs, I hereby order you to go home and rest up.”

Nick gave a lazy smile. “All right, all right. Although tomorrow’s easy. I think we’re just-"

Charlie drifted away from Nick’s words when he felt his phone ping in his hand. He looked town to see a text. From Ben. God, from Ben. It had been weeks - Ben hadn’t texted him since Charlie had seen him when walking out with Nick after their last workout.

You’re still at the stadium, right? Meet me when you’re done?

Charlie frowned and quickly typed out, “why?”

Please, Charlie, I just want to talk. I’m by the PT room.

fine .

“Charlie?”

“Yeah?”

“You okay?” asked Nick. “You just sort of… spaced out.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “Sorry - I just realized I needed to do a few things before I leave. Stretch tonight, okay?” He forced a smile on his face and gathered his things. He gathered his things and shrugged on his coat. Charlie quickly left the pitch, Nick’s hand raised in a confused half-wave and his eyebrows drawn together.

-

Charlie walked down to the PT room, heart quick. He took a breath and walked into the open door of the PT room, where Ben was already inside, leaning against a wall, hair perfectly unkempt, looking supremely unruffled and attractive, as always. He was wearing his dress trousers and sportcoat, which fit his slim body well.

“You’re wearing a coat?” asked Ben. “It’s not even cold.”

“It’s October,” said Charlie shortly. “What d’you want, Ben?”  Ben reached for Charlie’s shoulder and Charlie drew away. When he spoke again, he could hear the coldness in his own voice. “Don’t touch me."

“God, what’s wrong with you?” Ben said with a smirk. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“I said I didn’t want to meet up with you anymore.”

“Yeah, and I don’t believe you,” said Ben. 

“What?” asked Charlie, genuinely confused.

Ben stepped closer. “You’re just scared of getting caught,” he said, tone low and accusatory. 

Charlie blinked. “I’m scared of getting caught? All of my friends already know I’m gay! You’re the one who’s scared of getting caught. You refused to look at me, refused to text me, refused to come round my flat unless it was night and only then by the back stairs. You only texted when you wanted it, when you felt like kissing a boy. You never wanted to go out with me, you just wanted to try me on. Try this on.”

“Is this about me not responding to your texts a while ago? God, Charlie, you’re so needy. I’ve told you, I’m busy, I’ve told you that.” Ben reached for Charlie’s hair this time, and Charlie jerked his head back.

“Tell me? You never told me anything!” exclaimed Charlie. You didn’t even tell me that you had a girlfriend. Yeah, I saw you kissing her that team dinner night before the first game. Thanks for telling me. Oh yeah - you didn’t.” His voice was hard. He didn’t even realize he had this anger in him. 

“Don’t be angry at me for not wanting to come out," Ben retorted, his cool disappearing. 

“I’m not angry about that!" Charlie interjected. "I’m angry that you never actually… gave a shit about me." The last part came out as a sign, a long-suffering admission that ground out of Charlie.

Ben stared at him, eyes hard and cold. “Well it’s not like anyone else is going to give a shit about you anyway.”

Charlie inhaled sharply. And there it was - the exact words that had been bouncing in his head, the ones that he’d tried to ignore. Nobody would want to go out with Charlie. Ben had been awful, but he was right. Charlie was undeserving, unattractive, undesirable. And then Ben was... Ben was... Ben was grabbing him?

“Look, Charlie, I like you, but I am figuring things out.” His fingers were clenching Charlie’s shoulders hard, too hard. “What more do you want from me?” Ben pushed Charlie back against the cinderblock wall of the PT room, Charlie’s arms automatically coming up in front of his chest to defend himself. Ben grabbed his forearms and pushed them out, up against the wall. 

“Stop it,” Charlie choked out, hating how weak he sounded. His heart was hammering, his vision narrowing. Ben was kissing him - but kissing wasn’t the right word. Ben was possessing him, dominating him, pushing his chest against his as he mashed his lips against Charlie’s. Charlie had tears in his eyes as he struggled and protested, but he felt himself shutting down. Ben was whispering hotly at Charlie, against Charlie. I know you want this. You’re so hot when you’re angry. He was closing his eyes to try to make this better, to try to not see what was happening when he heard footsteps and felt Ben’s weight jerked off of his body.

“He told you to stop,” growled Nick - Nick? Nick was standing in front of Charlie with his back to him, glaring down at Ben, who he had pulled off Charlie and thrown to the floor. Nick was almost radiating fury, his hands clenched in fists, his teeth gritted. Ben looked at Nick in terror. “Go on,” said Nick, his voice steel. “Fuck off.”

Ben scrambled to his feet and bolted from the PT room, glancing once at Charlie and Nick, his eyes wide with fear. Charlie knew it was the fear of being found out for kissing a boy - not for what he had done. Charlie wiped his eyes and pulled his coat back onto his shoulders from where Ben had nearly wrestled it off. He couldn’t look at Nick, not yet. 

“You okay?” asked Nick, voice gentle and quiet. 

Charlie took a shuddering breath. “Did you… hear all that?”

“Most of it,” said Nick, softly. 

“Sorry,” said Charlie. 

Nick looked utterly confused, his eyebrows knitting together. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Sorry,” said Charlie again.

Nick huffed a little. “You say that a lot, don’t you.”

Charlie paused, heart finally slowing down as the adrenaline seeped out of his body. “I… kind of want to say-“

“Don’t.”

They smiled at each other, small smiles. 

Nick reached out a hand and tentatively patted Charlie’s shoulder - once, twice. 

“Let’s head out, yeah? Before they turn the alarms on,” said Nick. 

Charlie and Nick walked silently out to the car park, their bags slung over their shoulders. Charlie saw a flash of headlights - the bus was just arriving at the stop outside the car park. 

“Oh, that’s my bus. I’ve gotta go get - it’s the last one. Bye, Nick,” said Charlie. 

-

Nick opened his mouth, ready to insist on giving Charlie a ride home, but Charlie was already hurrying towards the bus, flushed. He waited for a moment, watching Charlie board before turning back and unlocking his car. 

A few minutes later at a stoplight, Nick, who had been lost in his thoughts, mulling over the previous evening, glanced at his phone. When he lit up the screen, it showed a new Instagram message.

@cfspring: thank you x

Nick smiled and re-locked his phone. He drove home, the smile still ghosting his lips.

Chapter Text

Charlie was drumming, hitting the electronic drum kit maybe a little bit harder than necessary. He was lost in rhythms, a familiar pattern that he had relied on when secondary school or his mental health (or the combination) had taken a turn for the worse. This drum kit had maybe been one of the things that had saved his life, and he was absently glad to have been born in a time when there was an option to play drums with headphones on to avoid pissing off thin-walled neighbors.

He had been a sea of feelings - embarrassment and gratitude and rage and fear and adrenaline - when he had gotten home. Dropping his bag, he didn’t even bother to have a shower before dropping onto his drum kit, and here he was now, forty minutes later, jacket still on in fact. He was feeling some of the emotions start to settle, eyes closed as he played, when he saw his phone light up from the corner of his eye. He set his drumsticks down and reached for it, right away. 

@nicholaszzzzzz: Are you feeling okay?

Holy… hell . Charlie’s heart had already squeezed in his chest when he had messaged Nick on the bus, that little x tormenting him - send? Don’t send? It seemed like a tiny little eye, glaring at him, taunting him for having sent it. And he hadn’t really expected Nick to message back, maybe expecting him to just “like” the message and leave it at that. He figured Nick felt awkward about what had happened and what he had heard, and was just being polite. He’d make it as easy for Nick as possible to be courteous and back out.

@cfspring: yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry :)

Charlie saw the typing bubble for a second, and then before he even re-locked his phone, saw:

@nicholaszzzzz: You sure??

Damn. Called out. Hard. And by Nick Nelson? Charlie typed a response: yeah, honesty I’m fine! but didn’t send it. It sat, in black and white text on his screen. It would be easiest to send it. Nick - Nick Nelson, professional athlete and Rugby King and beautiful important Nick Nelson did not need or deserve Charlie’s bullshit. He was busy. He had interviews to do, games to get ready for, a team to support as captain. It wasn’t his job to listen to a skinny physical therapist colleague to whinge about a boy who…did whatever Ben just did. Charlie wasn’t quite ready to think about whatever that had been. But still, looking at that cheerful lie - yeah, honestly, I’m fine! - sat wrong in his stomach. He knew it was a lie, and for whatever dumb reason, he didn’t want to lie to Nick. He typed out a few variations:

yeah haha that was weird but I’m totally okay

thanks for asking, I promise I am okay 

you're a glowing auburn Adonis of a man-god please love me forever

Okay, he didn’t actually type that one for fear of an accidental send. But he thought about it hard.

He was still working on composing the right message back when his phone buzzed. He looked down and saw a number calling him. Vaguely he remembered it might be Nick’s number from one of their conditioning sessions together, Nick mentioning how excited he had been when he got his latest number that ended in 554322 (Charlie had called him a nerd). Was Nick calling him? What year was this, 2008?

Charlie answered questioningly. “Hello?”

“Hi.” It was definitely Nick. 

“Hi,” Charlie said back, a tiny smile creeping onto his face. 

“I, um, I got your number from that team email that had everyone’s mobiles. Sorry to bother-“

“It’s not a bother,” Charlie hastily said.

“Well, I just…” Nick paused. Then he said, all in a rush, “I wanted to call and see if you were truly okay. That…that seemed like a pretty serious situation. And I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. But I’m your friend and I do care. And I’m always here to listen.”

Charlie was shell-shocked for a moment. So, Nick was clearly so non-homophobic that he was willing to let Charlie share about what had happened with a boy, another man. And Nick thought they were friends? Charlie had always assumed Nick was doing the conditioning with Charlie because Charlie was genuinely fast and willing to do extra sprints. It made his head spin a little to think about Nick doing those conditioning sessions because he actually liked spending time with his friend - Charlie. And Charlie still couldn’t speak to his other friends about everything that happened with Ben, since they didn’t know about Ben. He hadn’t been able to process this with anyone, and here was Nick, offering an open door for him.

Charlie took a deep breath, a little unsteady. “Thanks,” he said, quietly. He paused for a long time, just able to hear Nick breathing on the phone. “It started at the end of last season…”

Charlie took Nick through the whole story, about how Ben had approached him in the PT room near the end of last season. How Ben had whispered that he had seen Charlie on “a dating site” when they both happened to be in London the week prior. How Ben had kissed him and pursued him. He told Nick of how Ben would text him only after work or late at night, meeting in secret, refused to be seen with Charlie in daylight. How Ben would ignore him in the halls and once coldly pretended not to know him when Charlie had accidentally said hello. He told Nick, a catch in his throat, about accidentally using the word “boyfriend” early on and Ben being so angry he ignored Charlie for a week. Nick had just listened. Charlie finished, “I think in the end, he was just using me. He didn’t really care who I was, he just wanted to try me - it - out. Sorry…I know the two of you are friends.”

Nick barked out a humorless half-laugh, “Well, if he ever was, he’s not anymore.” Charlie closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a little lighter, as Nick continued, “God, I hate that asshole so much. If he comes near you again I’ll kick his ass.”

Charlie’s heart jumped in his chest. He tried to smooth his feelings down and joked, “As a professional physical therapist, I can’t recommend anything that could cause any potential injury to you. And even though he’s clearly a sack of putty with no soul, I’m afraid I can’t sanction that.”

Nick laughed again, this time more authentically. “Yeah - I s’pose it’s not a great look to have one of the assistant captains go after one of the Junior support staff. Still. What a dick. Did you…did you talk to Amy about any of this? I know you two are good friends.”

“No,” admitted Charlie. “Ben’s not…out - at all. And as much as I hate him right now, that’s still a pretty horrible move, to out someone before they’re ready.”

“And you - you’re out?” asked Nick, a little awkwardly, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask.

“To Amy and Elle and Isaac, who actually, I don’t think you know, I am,” replied Charlie. “But not to anyone on the team, or anyone else in the office. I just haven’t been sure if…” he drifted off, not sure how he’d finish the sentence, not wanting to say out loud that sports teams were often homophobic, not wanting to insinuate that Nick may be like that.

“I get it,” said Nick in a low voice. “Professional sport can be pretty stereotypical. You need to be a certain way, act a certain way. I can understand that coming out in that type of environment would seem…impossible.”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. “It seems like we have mostly decent guys on our team, though. Well, except for certain dickwad Juniors sales staff.”

Nick snorted. “Seriously. That guy doesn’t deserve to touch foot in our stadium.” He sobered. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Charlie.”

“Me too,” said Charlie quietly. There was a pause where Charlie gathered his courage, addressing the pink elephant in the room. “Thanks for being my supportive straight friend.” 

There was delay from the phone before Nick chuckled. “That’s okay!” he said. “I’m just…I’m glad I was there.”

“I'm glad you were too,” said Charlie, soft. He waited a beat, letting the confirmation (which he already knew, dammit) that Nick was straight wash through him. It was time to change the subject. “You’re there - at the stadium - late a lot. Did you do that a lot on your old team, too?”

“No,” Nick admitted. “Well - maybe a little before, but more often now.”

“Yeah?” asked Charlie. “Why’s that?”

Nick sighed a little. “It’s just…it’s really different being here. Being on this team. I mean, it’s miles better than my old team. The lads are all really great. It’s - so different than the last. But being a captain, and being one fairly young - I don’t want to let anyone down. And then all the media stuff. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. And I don’t want anyone to think that I’m only in the league because my dad played. And David does. I don’t want anyone questioning if I deserve to be here.” He paused and huffed out a breath. “This is so stupid to whinge about. Especially after tonight, god. ”

Charlie rushed to reassure him. “No, not at all, Nick. I can imagine it’s a lot of pressure. And hey,” he tried another weak joke, “Honestly, it ended up working out for me that you stay late.” It was strange to hear Nick talk about his family. There seemed to be an unspoken rule on the team that no one asked Nick about his brother and father, a famous retired player in his own right. 

Nick gave a half-amused exhale. “Yeah, I guess there is that. Though tonight I was only there late because someone was making me run two more drills than I thought I was going to do.”

“It’s not my fault that you were too busy telling me that your meanest opponent in your entire pre-Badgers career was a steel pole…”

“Oi!”

They both laughed and were quiet for a moment. 

“Well…I should probably get some sleep,” said Charlie. “You should, too. But not before stretching.”

He could hear the smile in Nick’s voice as he replied, “Yeah, because ‘stretching is free’, as you and Amy always say.”

“Right.”

“G’night then, Charlie.”

“Goodnight, Nick.”

Charlie ended the call and put his phone down, then stared at it. If you had told him a week ago that the first work person he’d come out to - in front of, actually - would be Nicholas Nelson, he would have laughed aloud. But he had - however unintentionally, and Nick had been kind. And Nick considered him a friend. Nick was his friend. 

-

Two days later when they were both back at the stadium, Charlie was ready for it to be a little uncomfortable with Nick after the whole Ben fiasco and their phone call after. And after Nick’s messages the following day checking back in on him. But when he walked into the locker room to do pre-practice treatments, he immediately ran into a cheerful Nick, who greeted him with a grin and a wave.

“Charlie! All right?”

“All right,” smiled Charlie back. Nick had given him another pat on the shoulder as he walked past to his stall, getting ready to go.

The team went out for their practice a few minutes later, Amy going with the team and Charlie staying behind to help out some of the reserves before sending them back out. Charlie had just wrapped with Will Mason and was readying himself to head to the field himself when James walked into the PT room supporting Nick, who was hobbling along. Charlie, whose heart had sunk seeing Nick come in from practice, was mollified to see Nick’s face contorted in both pain and laughter. He and James filled Charlie in, explaining that Nick had a calf twitch that would not go away. It was seizing up and Nick was unable to run while it pulsed. Amy was helping out a few players who had sustained some minor injuries, so she had sent Nick back to get the muscle twitch worked out. James clapped Nick on the shoulder and held out his fist to Charlie, who bumped it.

“Thanks, James,” he called as Nick climbed on the table, pausing to laugh and wince as his calf continued to jump. Charlie knelt by Nick’s feet and wrapped his hand around his calf, using his thumb to press the muscle while alternately flexing and extending his foot. They chatted as Charlie worked, Nick occasionally interrupting himself to breathe out sharply in pain as Charlie firmly worked the muscle. After just a few minutes, Charlie had mostly soothed the knot, and wrapped Nick’s calf in a heating pad for a moment to allow it to loosen before he sent him back to the pitch. 

Nick rolled his eyes as Charlie leaned his hip against the table. “A muscle twitch takes me out of the scrimmage? Seamus is going to give me shit for this for days.”

“Well…did you stretch last night and this morning?” Nick gave a fleeting guilty look and Charlie laughed. “Sounds like this is some good old fashioned muscle karma.”

Nick laughed. “I’ll take the break, at least.” He reached for his windbreaker, which James had brought in with them, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

“A phone during practice?” asked Charlie. “Blasphemy. Coach Croft would have an aneurysm if he saw that.”

“Good thing he’s still out there,” smirked Nick. “Believe it or not, I actually like to have it nearby to jot down play ideas right after practice, when they’re fresh.”

“Wow,” said Charlie. “You’re a nerdy rugby lad.”

“Oh, shut up,” Nick laughed. He pressed the side button to unlock his phone, revealing his lock screen photo, which was perhaps the cutest dog Charlie had ever seen. Before he could stop himself, Charlie had already pointed to Nick’s phone and exclaimed, “Who is that??”

Nick held up his phone proudly. “That’s Nellie! Mum got her as a puppy when I was in secondary, and she is the most beautiful, perfect girl in the world.” He unlocked his phone and went to his photos, opening up a folder called “Nellie” and flipping through pictures, showing them to Charlie. “She’s gotten a lot older of course, but she’s still healthy and really happy.”

“She lives with your mum then?” asked Charlie.

“She does…” said Nick, looking mildly embarrassed. “Though my mum only lives about 40 minutes from Leeds. And sometimes when we have back to back home games, like this week, she’ll agree to drop Nellie off for the week so I get to spend some time with her.”

“Wait,” said Charlie. “Does that mean you have her this week?!”

Nick grinned, his crooked smile. “Yeah.”

“Oh my god! You…you have to bring her! Here! Forever!”

Nick laughed. “I wish! But she’s actually leaving tomorrow since we have our game Saturday. D’you want to come by after practice today and meet her? I don’t think I’ll have her for another while after this stretch.”

Charlie’s eyes snapped up from Nellie’s picture, though he tried to school his face. “Yeah,” he said, almost without thinking. “That’d be great.”

“Great,” said Nick, with an easy smile. “Just text me when you’re done today and I can give you a lift.”

A few minutes later when Charlie had sent Nick back with a clean bill of calf health, Charlie sat in the PT room, bemused. He was going to Nick Nelson’s flat after work. He remembered their call a few nights before. Nick really did consider him a friend. 

-

Charlie filled Amy in quickly as she had offered to give him a ride home from work today as she and Isaac weren’t practicing that evening, explaining the story of Nick’s dog and that Nick was going to drop him off after he got to meet Nellie. Amy, who loved dogs as much as Charlie, was immediately jealous and vowed to get Nick to bring Nellie to the stadium as soon as possible. If she was surprised that he was going over to Nick’s, she didn’t show it. But then again, she knew about Nick and Charlie’s conditioning sessions and had probably just realized that they were friends even before Charlie did. 

Charlie and Amy wrapped up, Amy deciding that she would meet Elle and Tao out for a quick dinner after Elle sent the group a text inviting them all. “Although,” she said, rolling her eyes affectionately. “It’s a little bit like being a third wheel with Siskel and Ebert with the two of them - so much film talk. And I mean, you know my taste. Give me a sports movie or a comedy or give me death. I don’t even know if a Brooklyn hipster would know the last few movies Tao talked about last time.”

Charlie laughed. “Yeah, those two are hilarious together.” Tao and Elle were constantly bickering, though it was good-natured. Charlie had a sense that there was a spark of attraction there on both ends, but he wasn’t going to mess about in any set-up hijinks. Amy and Charlie shouldered their bags and Charlie texted Nick, who replied immediately that he was in the conditioning room, STRETCHING (in all capitals). Charlie smiled and found Nick, looking smug as he stretched his quads on the floor mat. 

They headed to the car park, and Nick unlocked his car, a nice Lexus SUV that Charlie knew nothing about, but still appreciated. He appreciated it even more when Nick turned on the seat warmers and Charlie smiled blissfully, sinking into the leather seat.

“This…is a little different than the 7A bus,” he said, eyes closed.

“Ha, yeah,” said Nick, looking a little embarrassed. “I…I never had a car like this growing up. Or even a few years ago. But then I moved up to Seniors and then joined the Badgers and…”

Charlie’s eyes opened. Oh, he had made Nick feel uncomfortable by pointing out how nice his car was, probably thinking Charlie was digging for sympathy, pointing out that he had to take a bus while Nick rode in luxury. “Oh, god, no - I wasn’t saying - I mean. You worked really hard to get where you are. You work really hard to stay where you are. You deserve it,” he finished. 

Nick visibly relaxed and smiled at him. “Thanks, Charlie,” he said. He turned on the radio and they drove, conversation easy and light. They chatted about the rest of practice (Nick proclaimed that Charlie was indeed a miracle worker like Danny proclaimed and his calf was fine), and the upcoming game. There was nothing heavy, no mention of Ben, and it was nice. 

As they got into fancier neighborhoods, Nick pulled off into a side street, and then used his garage remote to open the door to an underground garage, driving slowly down the steep ramp. He parked the car and grabbed his bag from the backseat, asking, “Ready to meet her?” He laughed when he saw Charlie already by the door, bouncing impatiently. 

He unlocked the door and there was a soft, cold nose immediately shoving its way through as it cracked open. Nick pushed their way inside and Charlie dropped into a crouch on the landing, cooing and telling Nellie that she was a good girl, she was the bestest girl in the whole world, Nick laughing and telling him that it’d all go to her head. 

Greetings finally done, the three of them walked upstairs and Nick showed Charlie around. It was a beautiful three-story townhome, but it didn’t seem like there was much in terms of Nick in the building. The lighting was soft and the kitchen and sitting room were spacious and airy and white, but there was little beyond the impersonal art on the walls. Nick gave Charlie a quick tour, waving his hand at the upstairs rooms quickly as they walked by. 

Nick offered Charlie a beer, which he accepted, and they sat down on the couch, Nellie joining them. Charlie noticed the Nintendo controllers and asked Nick what he played. Nick said he didn’t play much of anything, but opened his coffee table to show Charlie what he had. Charlie’s eyes lit up when he saw Mario Kart and Nick boasted that that was by far his best game. Within minutes, they were off, and within a few more minutes, Charlie had soundly beaten Nick. Twice. And now Charlie was seeing Rugby King Nick Nelson…pout. 

They were on their third round, nearly done, Nick just barely in the lead, muttering, “C’mon, let me win, you have to let me win one… You’ve already won twice!”

“Yeah, and I’m going easy on you!”

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” Nick urged Luigi. “Nooooo!”

Nick flopped back dramatically as Charlie crowed, Yoshi zooming past just before the finish line, victorious. 

“How are you so good at this?” demanded Nick. 

“You get to be good at real sports. I get to be good at fake ones,” said Charlie smugly.

“No,” Nick retorted. “You’re just good at everything.”

It was almost embarrassing how wrong Nick was. “No I’m not,” said Charlie. 

“You are! You’re good at Mario Kart, science, medicine…befriending dogs…running…”

“Shut up,” said Charlie, laughing now. He pushed gently at Nick’s shoulder. 

Nick laughed and pushed back, gently shoving Charlie into the cushions and giving him a poke. Charlie laughed and turned away slightly, ending up facing the window. 

“Oh!” he said.

“What?” asked Nick.

“It’s snowing!” exclaimed Charlie.

Nick looked out the window, then back at Charlie. Wordlessly, they both smiled and jumped off the couch. They leashed up Nellie and Nick gave Charlie one of his heavy jumpers to layer over his coat. Nick put on his own jumper and a hat, pulling it low. When Charlie gave him a questioning look, Nick grimaced and explained that he tried to cover himself up as much as possible when walking as to avoid unwanted attention. 

They didn’t need to worry - the cold late October evening and unexpected, quickly-melting show kept most people off the streets. They walked Nellie around with freedom that Charlie suspected Nick didn’t often feel, his profile high in Leeds. There were lovely parks and shops with streetlights on as they walked. Under one of them, Charlie looked up and stopped for a moment, the snowflakes fat and bright in the yellow light. 

“Look,” he told Nick, pointing up. 

“Oh, that’s so cool!,” said Nick excitedly, and for a moment, Charlie could see 8-year-old Nick in his face. He pulled out his phone. “We need to get a picture of this! First snowfall.”

Nick took a few pictures of the snow, the photos turning out surprisingly well even at night. He then crouched down next to Nellie and extended his arm, taking a snow selfie. He looked up at Charlie and gestured for him to join the selfie, snapping a few photos of the three of them, the two of them laughing up at the snow and at Nellie blinking snowflakes out of her eyes. 

A few minutes later, they bundled into Nick’s flat, Charlie grabbing his bag and the three of them again got into Nick’s car. Nick drove Charlie back to his flat, insisting that they needed to have a Mario Kart rematch and that Charlie had definitely cheated. Charlie scoffed back that Nick must have used up all of his skills in practice that day and that’s why he was so incredibly awful at racing. 

They were still laughing about it when Nick pulled up to Charlie’s building. At the stop of the car, Nellie nosed between them from the backseat, paws on the center console. Charlie smiled and patted her head. He thanked Nick and turned to get out of the car, realizing at the last minute that he was still wearing Nick’s jumper. 

“Oh, shit - d’you want this back now? It’s a little wet…I can wash it and bring it back to the stadium tomorrow?”

Nick waved a hand at him. “Don’t worry about that - but don’t take it off now, it’s cold. I’ll grab it back from you at some point, I’m sure.”

Charlie smiled and got out of the car, pausing a moment. “Thanks for the ride, Nick - and thanks for letting me meet the coolest member of the Nelson family.”

Nick laughed. “I knew it.”

“Goodnight, Nick.”

“Goodnight, Charlie.”

Charlie got into bed a few minutes later, feeling lighter than he’d felt in weeks. 

-

The following Saturday was their last home match before a stretch of away games, and the weather was still raw and chilly, spectators wrapped in plastic atop layers of warmth. The support staff and coaches were dressed as warmly as they could be, but the players of course had to bear the brunt of the weather wearing just their kits. Charlie assumed he and Amy would be working out a lot of tight muscles, constricted from the cold, and he was right. They barely caught a glimpse of the game, working on players who were subbed in and out, getting progressively more soaked in rain and mud. 

Charlie was testing Lunker’s knee when he heard a roar from the crowd. He looked up to see Nick on the ground, and Wilco gesturing angrily to the referee, who yellow carded a nearby Bath player. Charlie’s heart was in his throat as he watched Nick get up slowly, having taken a high tackle, but waving off assistance from his teammates. The Bath player trotted off towards the Sin Bin, passing Amy and Charlie on the way over, where they stood shoulder to shoulder watching the play, not wanting to miss the upcoming penalty kick. The Bath player grinned and leered at Amy as he went by.

“Oi, sweetheart, you wanna join me? Sit on my lap and keep me warm?”

Seamus whipped around and stepped toward the player threateningly. “Mate. Walk the fuck on if you want to keep your teeth.”

The Bath player raised his hands in mock surrender and kept going, smirking back at them. 

Seamus gave a tight nod to Amy and headed back onto the field. Amy’s eyes stayed on his back for a moment as he retreated. Charlie caught a glimpse of her face, eyebrows knitted, before she noticed him and eased back into her usual easy expression, rolling her eyes and jerking her head towards the benched player. “What a twat. I’m sure he’ll get what’s coming to him on the field.”

Charlie nodded and they turned their attention back to the pitch, where Nick was lining up to take a penalty kick, which soared through the posts, putting Leeds ahead. 

The rest of the game passed without any other major injuries, Nick, Harry, Wilco, and Will all scoring. Leeds won and improved their record to 7-2, which was the best start to a season they’d ever enjoyed. Imogen pulled Nick and Wilco away for on-pitch interviews before they headed back to the locker room, both of them soaked and covered in mud. 

The rest of the team was in the locker room, celebrating the win. Charlie was testing Harry’s elbow (it seemed all right) when Imogen walked back in with Nick - Wilco had been interviewed first and came back a few minutes earlier. She paused at the doorway with him, near enough to where Charlie was working with Harry that he could hear (and see, from the mirror in Harry’s stall).

Imogen looked at Nick and laughed a little. “God, Nick, your hair! I should have paid attention before the interviews, it’s a total mess.” She reached up and brushed back some of the wet reddish hair. “You’re going to make me look bad if you go out there looking like you went to a drunk Supercuts barber.”

Nick sighed and squinted as she messed with his hair. “And what makes you know what you’re doing?”

“Shh,” said Imogen. “I’m a highly qualified hair stylist.”

“Oh yeah? Qualified from where?”

“The university of hair…stylists.”

“Sounds legit.”

Imogen laughed and looked at her phone. “Oh, I’ve gotta run. Bye, lads,” she called, waving to the room. 

Harry just waited until the door closed. “Oi, Nick, Imogen, eh?”

Nick turned, seeing Harry and Charlie and started a little. “What?”

“She’s obviously into you, mate,” said Harry. “When are you going to seal the deal?”

Nick looked uncomfortable. “I don’t - she’s a friend.”

“Suuuuure she is,” drawled Harry lazily. A few other players were listening and chuckled along a little now. “We’ll see what happens after the next team party, eh?” Charlie was looking determinedly at Harry’s elbow, pretending to not hear or see Nick and this very annoying conversation. 

“Ha,” said Nick shortly. He sat down and Charlie thought he felt Nick’s eyes on him, momentarily. “Maybe.”

-

That evening, after dinner and trivia (second place, thank you very much) with the gang, Charlie headed home. He had switched on his TV and was watching a few minutes of The Good Place when his phone lit up. 

@nicholaszzzzz: What’s up, MK champion

Charlie smiled. Nick.

@cfspring: mk? I assume you mean Mario Kart and not Mary Kay, which i think is some sort of pyramid makeup scheme?

@nicholaszzzzz: No I totally mean the makeup one

@cfspring: well i did sell over 35,000…units...of makeup. so now i think im a regional vice president of international sales marketing

@nicholaszzzzz: Yeah that sounds about right 

@nicholaszzzzz: I need a rematch soon

@cfspring: do you think another go will make you suck less 

@nicholaszzzzz: oi

@cfspring: lol

@nicholaszzzzz: I am literally practicing right now.

@cfspring: after a win? you’re playing nintendo after a win?

@nicholaszzzzz: I already went out! It’s laaaate haha

@cfspring: old man

@nicholaszzzzz: lol I know. I actually did a quiet one with Wilco and his family and Seamus tonight - we went to Wilcos and did a captains dinner thing. His kids are hilarious 

@cfspring: how old are they?

@nicholaszzzzz: I think he said 4, 8, and 11

@cfspring: aww, cute. My little brother is 11 and he’s pretty cool

@nicholaszzzzz: I didn’t know you had a little brother!

@cfspring: yeah, olliver - we call him olly though. i think the whole family is coming to the game next weekend, my parents are visiting my sister in London with olly

@nicholaszzzzz: does he like rugby?

@cfspring: he’s obsessed. he’s actually a big nick nelson fan if you can believe. i think it’s because he hasn’t met Nellie yet

@nicholaszzzzz: I GET IT CHARLIE SHES COOLER THAN ME

@nicholaszzzzz: oh you’ll have to bring him to the locker room after the match! 

@cfspring: he’d lose his MIND

@nicholaszzzzz: We’ll make it happen! 

@cfspring: okay, i know its like 4 hours past your bedtime 

@nicholaszzzzz: Hurtful but true

@cfspring: see you in a few days!

@nicholaszzzzz: yeah see you for the roadie!

Charlie clicked his phone off and stretched, smiling. Next week was the first road trip game since he and Nick had become friends. And his family was going to be there…which was a bit of a mixed bag, but if Olly actually could come meet the players, he’d have Big Brother points for the rest of his life. 

And god, he was glad Imogen wasn’t coming on this trip.

Chapter Text

Sleepy rugby players were filing onto the team bus, but Amy and Charlie had been up for hours, packing medi-kits and helping load gear, as most of the team staff did for road games. They settled in the front row of the bus, players stumbling up the stairs in front of them, in various states of dishevelment. Nearly every player said hello to them as they came up the stairs.  

“Springer, Ames.”

“Mornin’.”

“What’s up, docs.”

“Hey Charlie. Hey Amy.”

Danny grinned and ruffled Charlie’s hair as he went by, Lunker giving him a pat on the shoulder, James thanking them for loading the bus. This year…was nice. Charlie felt like he actually knew most of the players - even felt liked and accepted by most of the players. He wasn’t sure when he had been added to the group chat (or as he suspected, one of the group chats, sure that the team had one that was truly just the team), but he loved that he sometimes needed to silence that group and its meme-filled ridiculousness, especially after a string of 40+ messages would come in.

Nick was one of the last ones on the bus, with Wilco as he had been more and more lately. Charlie knew from talking to Nick that Wilco had really taken Nick under his wing, and had mentored him from captain to captain. Seamus was a good friend of Nick’s, too, but Charlie suspected that there was something different with Wilco, who was older, had a family, and was on his seventh year of leading the team - almost fatherly to Nick. Wilco came up the stairs first, looking more alert than most of the other players and smiled a hello to Amy and Charlie as he ascended. Nick followed, looking hopelessly perfect. He was wearing joggers and a jumper, and looked both soft in his clothes and powerful in his build underneath them. 

Nick stopped, his hand on the railing that separated the stairs from Charlie and Amy’s seat. “Hi,” he said with a smile. 

“Hi,” said Charlie, Amy echoing the greeting. 

“Is your family still coming to the game, Charlie?” asked Nick.

“Yeah, the whole lot of them,” said Charlie. “Thanks again for setting up those all-access passes for them, Olly is going to lose his mind.”

“No problem,” said Nick, lingering a moment more. “You two get some rest, I’m sure it’s been a long morning.” He gave Charlie one more smile and seemed to remember at the last minute to turn it to Amy, too, and headed off to sit with Wilco near the back of the bus, Seamus across the aisle. 

Amy and Charlie chatted for a little on the bus, Amy filling him in on the dinner with Tao and Elle the other night. She informed him that during the first team bye week, they had all decided that they were having a mandatory “back to secondary” sleepover party where they played video games and watched movies. 

“I told them, though, that Tao gets to choose one of the movies, and it’ll be the one we start with. And then he has to sit through whatever movies the rest of us choose.” She paused and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “What do you think would break him more…The Waterboy or Norbit?”

Charlie laughed aloud. “I think either one might actually kill him. Also, you do remember that we have to watch the films too, right?”

“Yes…but it’s worth the sacrifice,” said Amy firmly. 

After an hour or so, they both drifted off to sleep, finally taking a moment to slow down after their busy morning. When the bus pulled into the hotel, the players exited, waving and saying their goodbyes to the staff. Charlie and Amy stayed with the coaches and other support members and helped unload the bus. It was a few hours before they finally re-boarded and stumbled into the hotel for a quick lie-down before they returned to the stadium for the team’s late afternoon practice. Charlie’s parents and brother were coming to pick him up, Tori and Michael not joining until two days later when they actually had the first game, both of them busy with work. 

When practice ended, Charlie cleaned up the visiting team PT room with Amy, his parents texting to say they had arrived. Amy affectionately told him to get “the hell out of her office” and go see his family, which he obliged. He headed out to the car park, Nick having helped him get a parking pass in addition to the game-day all-access passes. Charlie took the stairs and went out the side door to the gated car park, recognizing their family Vauxhall Mokka immediately. He was glad to see his parents, but thrilled to see Olly. Before Charlie could even get close to the car, he was grabbed round the middle by a flying blur that was his little brother, who had apparently been waiting, unable to sit still in the car.

“Charlie!” cried Olly. “We’re in a professional rugby team parking lot!”

Charlie laughed. “Imagine, in two days you’ll be in a professional rugby stadium seat! And then maybe even meeting some professional rugby players!” Olly looked at Charlie in shock. Charlie hadn’t told him about the locker room visit yet and Charlie couldn’t wait to break the news to him over dinner. “Just a maybe, though - we’ll have to see,” he said, not wanting to spoil the surprise. His little brother was going to explode once he found out. Olly was a force of pure joy and excitement. Charlie and Tori had often wondered how Olly had come from the same gene pool as them. Maybe they used up all the moroseness, Tori had hypothesized once, and Olly was left with the full load of inherited exuberance. 

Olly finally released Charlie long enough to let him hug his parents. Charlie’s relationship with his parents had improved since…everything…happened when he was in secondary, the result of a lot of his and their own therapy. It still wasn’t sitcom levels of family warmth with them, but Jane and Julio truly were trying their best now, and had much better tools to communicate. They had texted Charlie a few days prior, offering a choice of three restaurants for dinner, allowing Charlie to pick the menu that worked best for him. They all chatted for a moment, standing in the lamplight in the car park, the weather not too cold. 

The side door of the arena opened, and Badgers rugby players began spilling out and loading onto the team bus, clearly headed back to the hotel. Olly watched with an open mouth as some of his favorite players walked past, breathing some of their names out loud in his utter shock. 

“Charlie!” He tugged desperately at his brother’s arm. “That’s Trevor Wilcox! And Seamus O'Reilly! They’re two of the captains! And they just got on that bus!”

Charlie couldn't help but smile at his brother’s adulation. Having never been a rugby fan before he joined the team, Charlie sometimes lost sight of the fact that to sport fans, these men were surreal; larger-than-life demigods who weren’t real people. Olly had been to a few games with their parents, but Charlie had never known the routes to getting his family closer access, and he thought of Nick for a moment, appreciating that he had helped make this happen. Almost as if Charlie had summoned Nick with his thoughts, Assistant Captain Nelson came out of the door, bag on his shoulder. He cast a look around and saw Charlie and his family in the gathering dark and walked over. Charlie could feel Olly practically vibrating next to him as Nick approached.

“Nick Nelson,” Olly whispered, straddling a thin line between utter joy and panic. “Charlie, why is Nick Nelson walking over here?” 

“You all must be Charlie’s family,” said Nick with a smile, setting his bag down. “I’m Nick.” He shook hands with a surprised Jane and Julio Spring, who returned his greeting and introduced himself. “And you,” he looked at Olly and grinned. “You must be Oliver!” He extended a hand to Olly.

“I - Olly. Yes. I am. You’re…” Olly was too star-struck to respond with a full sentence, shaking Nick’s hand.

“Ow,” said Nick, playfully shaking out his hand. “Strong grip. You can’t injure me before a game! You don’t want to make your brother do more work, eh?”

Olly smiled and huffed out a shy laugh. 

“Do you play rugby, Oliver?” asked Nick.

Olly nodded. “I do…a little. But I’m not very good.”

“Sounds like we’ll need to train you up then, yeah? When you come to the locker room after the game, we’ll get you all kitted out.”

Olly’s eyes, already wide with shock at speaking to Nick Nelson, positively goggled. “The...I get to go to the locker room?”

Charlie gave Nick a wry smile. “I hadn’t told Olly about the surprise visit to the locker room quite yet, Captain Nelson.”

Nick turned nearly as red as his hair. “Oh, shit - oh, so sorry Mrs. Spring - I mean, oh, uh -”

Jane saved Nick from his embarrassment, waving him off. “He has an older brother and sister - he’s heard worse. He just knows not to use those words, right, Oliver?” She directly this last part to Olly firmly, who nodded frantically, still seized by the sheer joy of learning that he’d be visiting the Badgers locker room. 

Charlie smiled at Nick, who was looking at him guiltily. “It’s fine, Nick. I was going to tell him tonight anyway - and it’s probably cooler coming from you than me.”

“Definitely was,” breathed Olly, making them all laugh.

“Oi, Nelson!” yelled a voice from the bus. “We’re waiting on you, mate!”

“I’ve gotta run,” said Nick, smiling, still a little red. “I’ll see you all Saturday, then!” He gave one last sheepish look at Charlie and headed to the bus, the family watching him go. 

“He seems like a lovely boy,” said Jane, Julio agreeing. 

“The whole team is pretty great,” said Charlie, wanting to change the subject, nervous talking about Nick with his parents for no real reason. “Shall we head off, then?” The car ride was filled with endless questions from Olly, grilling Charlie on his friendships with Nick and other players. Charlie smiled along with all of the questions and answered what he could. He loved seeing his brother clearly so enamored with his job and work, and felt another stab of contentment with the team he ended up with. 

-

The game against the Harlequins was close, but the Badgers edged them out. Nick hadn’t had his best game, but had still scored a try and converted another penalty kick. It had been Harry that had shone this game, which mildly annoyed Charlie. Harry was by far Charlie’s least favorite player. Harry was their resident rich wanker, never living a day without wealth between his parents’ money and his rugby paychecks. He was often obnoxious, and Charlie was glad he was one of Amy’s charges (though she was less thrilled by this). Regardless, the atmosphere in the locker room would be celebratory, and Charlie was excited for his family (and his brother in particular) to get to experience the post-win feeling. 

He found his whole family, including Tori and Michael, in the tunnel outside of the visiting locker room, hugging Tori and Michael. He ushered all of them into the locker room, where they walked into a wall of sound. Olly, who had been babbling excitedly before they went in, fell silent at the giant, rowdy men. His eyes roamed the locker room, settling on a scene in the corner. Stig was pitching a tennis ball to James, who swung a clipboard like a cricket bat, Lucas and Will laughing and jostling each other as they tried to catch James’s hit.

“Charlie,” started Olly, pulling at his forearm and pointing.

“If you’re going to ask me what they’re doing, I have no idea,” said Charlie with a smile.

Danny walked into the locker room, nearly walking into Charlie’s family, still lingering near the door. He stepped around and looked between Charlie and Olly. “Charlie…” he said slowly. “Do you…have a son?”

Charlie laughed. “Danny, this is my brother, Olly - and my mum and dad, my sister Tori, and our friend, Michael.”

As Danny greeted everyone, Seamus and Nick made their way over. 

“Charlie!” said Seamus. “This must be your family!” He greeted everyone and settled in front of Olly. “Nick, this is the one, huh?”

Nick crossed his arms and nodded solemnly. “Yep. Newest up and coming member of the Badgers.” Olly looked delighted. 

“Probably needs to be kitted out then,” said Seamus. “Hmm. Let’s start with some socks.” He presented a pair of Badgers rugby socks to Olly, who took them with a whispered thank you. “What else, do you reckon?”

“Can’t play rugby without a ball,” said Nick. He handed a rugby ball and a Sharpie to Olly, who was speechless and star-struck. “Now, this is useless until it’s signed by at least 5 players, so we’ll make sure to take care of that before you leave. Think he’s good now, Shea?”

“Nearly there,” said Seamus, pretending to ponder. “Well, remember that we do believe in safety first. Definitely needs a gum guard.” He went to Charlie’s team medi-kit and pulled one out, eyes twinkling at Charlie. “Can’t imagine he needs anything else, now could he, Nick?”

Nick snapped his fingers like he had nearly forgotten. He leaned into his stall and pulled out one of his jerseys. “Can’t believe we almost forgot! Now you’re an official Badger.” 

Charlie watched all of this, his heart glowing. His parents were grinning widely, as was Michael, and even the corners of Tori’s mouth had turned up, her arms crossed. Nick threw a wink to Charlie and Charlie’s heart squeezed almost painfully in his chest. Olly was now finally capable of speech and falling over himself to thank Nick and Seamus and was being led around the locker room by the two of them, collecting player signatures. When they finally left with Charlie, Olly was beside himself with joy, alternately hugging Charlie and cradling his new prized possessions. 

“I can’t believe Nick Nelson is so nice,” Olly said. 

Yeah. Charlie couldn’t always believe it either.

-

After the road trip, the team headed back to Leeds for a few days' rest and practice before their next road game against the Newcastle Falcons. Amy had taken off for the evening, and Charlie had joined Nick for another conditioning session, inside this time as the weather had turned cold and rainy. They did a series of sprint conditioning sets on the stationary bikes, Charlie secretly pleased with how well he did (though Nick had just practiced), even beating Nick at one of the sprint sets for timed distance. They were wrapping up, chatting while stretching on the bikes, when Charlie heard Nick’s stomach give a loud grumble. 

“You good there, Nelson?” he asked with a grin.

“Famished,” said Nick, pretending to keel over on his bike. “I can’t be arsed to cook tonight, though. You feel like grabbing some dinner? I can drop you off on the way back.”

Charlie’s heart gave a leap. “Yeah,” he said. “I don’t have much at my house right now with all the road trips, so…sounds good.”

They wrapped up and a few minutes later were in Nick’s car, Charlie again sighing back into the warm leather seats.

“What are you in the mood for?” asked Nick.

“Oh, anything.” This wasn’t exactly true. There were still foods that felt more comfortable and ones that inexplicably felt scarier. But Charlie didn’t want to think about that - didn’t want Nick to think about that. 

“What about Carmichael’s?” asked Nick.

“That sounds good,” agreed Charlie, knowing that this was one of Nick’s favorites, both for its food and how the staff treated the Badger players, generally taking care to seat them as privately as possible and discouraging fans from approaching them. 

They arrived at the restaurant and Nick parked. They walked in, the hostess’s eyes widening as she immediately recognized Nick. “Hi,” she breathed.

“Hey,” said Nick. “Do you have space for two of us?”

“Yes, give me just a moment,” she said, rushing off. 

Nick and Charlie stood for a moment, slow recognition dawning on some faces, some phones furtively pointed in Nick’s direction, snapping pictures. Fortunately, the hostess hurried back, took menus, and brought them to a table near the back, slightly obscured behind some tall potted plants. 

“Thank you,” said Nick with a smile at the girl, who nearly melted in her shoes. She huffed out what might have been “you’re welcome” before drifting away, eyes lingering on Nick’s face. He stretched, his team zip-up jacket rising up and revealing a sliver of toned stomach before he dropped his arms back down. Charlie took a sip of his ice water quickly. 

They talked as they perused the menu, Charlie deciding that a turkey melt felt both safe enough and a food that wouldn’t invite any questions. Nick ordered a chicken pasta primavera with a side caesar salad and an order of breadsticks. He looked at Charlie’s raised eyebrow.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing, Mr. ‘I should eat healthy’,” said Charlie with a cheeky smirk. 

“My pasta has vegetables in it! And the salad, too!”

“Nick, I’m not sure the vegetables and cream sauces cross-cancel. This is not like dividing fractions.”

“Math isn’t my strong suit,” said Nick with a grin. “And I’m a growing boy.”

“You’ll need your strength to beat me in the next timed bike sprint,” said Charlie teasingly.

Nick laughed. “You cocky little-”

“Don’t finish that,” warned Charlie.

They went back and forth like that for a bit until their food arrived. Charlie ate nearly all of his sandwich, and Nick ran cleanup, finishing his fries. 

“Do you cook much at home?” asked Charlie.

“Not as much as I like,” said Nick. “With practices and games and all that it’s really only once or twice a week. Do you?”

“A bit, yeah,” said Charlie. “I cook most nights when I don’t go out with Amy and Elle and all of them. How’d you learn to cook?”

“My mum,” said Nick immediately. “Once my dad took off…well, it was mostly just my mum. And my brother, until he left the house to live with my dad for Juniors, which happened pretty young. She always gave me shit for how much food I’d go through and said I needed to learn to make it for myself, so I wouldn’t go broke buying five takeaways a day at Uni. What about you?”

Charlie wasn’t sure how to answer. “Oh, I took some cooking classes in secondary.” Nutrition and cooking classes. At a treatment center.

“That’s cool,” said Nick. “I’d love to take a cooking class some time. You’ll…you have to let me know next off-season if you do another one. I’d like to try that out.”

Charlie’s poor, battered heart quickened again. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll have to find some in this area.”

“Where’d you take them?” asked Nick.

Charlie was about to answer - what, though, he wasn’t sure - when he saw the spider dropping toward Nick from the ceiling, suspended on a thin thread. “Oh! Ah, Nick - there’s a -”

Nick properly lost it when he saw his dining companion, batting around his head and twisting in his seat to escape his tiny assailant. When he was finally sure the spider was gone, he turned back to Charlie, his wide eyes finding Charlie nearly in tears from laughing. 

“Who would have thought…Nick Nelson, rugby king…taken out by a spider one ten-thousandth his size.”

“Oi!” said Nick, though he was laughing now too. “It could have been a deadly poisonous one. You almost saw the demise of the Leeds Badgers fly-half in real time.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Yes, you nearly died, of course.” He flicked his eyes up to Nick’s face, taking in his handsomely disheveled hair. “You’re a bit of a mess, though.” He reached his hand towards Nick’s face, fingers ready to smooth a few of Nick’s strands back into place. 

Nick held still and looked at him for a frozen moment, and then suddenly jerked back. 

“It’s - ah, it’s…pictures. You know, taken out of context.” He nodded towards the restaurant, where Charlie had forgotten about anyone else in the room. A few had curiously looked back around, seeing the commotion, and a few phones were back up. 

Charlie whipped his hand back, feeling sick. Oh god. He had been about to smooth Nick’s hair back, like a boyfriend. Nick was not his boyfriend. Nick was his friend, his straight friend who invited him out to dinner like friends do, like Amy and Isaac and Elle and now Tao did. Nick was his friend who was supportive of him being gay and of being gay in general, but didn’t need the scrutiny of strangers’ pictures, submitted to tabloids. God, he had made this so uncomfortable. He made Nick so uncomfortable. He had to fix this, and hope Nick didn’t hate him so much that they wouldn’t be friends any more.

He forced a light laugh. “Yeah, I get it, totally. I can’t imagine what it’s like being in the public eye all the time.”

The rest of dinner and the car ride back to Charlie’s was a little quieter than normal, the conversation less easy and light than it typically was between them. 

Charlie hesitated for a moment before getting out of the car, hearing Nick’s breath hitch like he was about to speak. 

Nick seemed embarrassed. “God, I hope you don’t think - I don’t care at all who loves who or anything. Just - you know - papers and all that making a big deal if there were - pictures and…”

“I get it,” said Charlie, as reassuringly as he could. “Truly, it’s fine, Nick.”

“I don’t want you - I don’t want you to think that I’m like my brother. Or my dad,” blurted Nick.

Charlie blinked, then said, “Nick, I didn’t really know your brother, and I don’t know much about your dad, either. But I know who you are, and you’re a good person. I know you’re not like that.”

Nick huffed out a small sigh. Charlie wanted to fill the silence, but wasn’t sure what to say - what he could let himself say? The knowledge that they’d never be together, never touch, was crushing. But even more crushing was the idea of not being around Nick, not being friends with Nick.

“You’d be crazy if you didn’t think about the cameras and all that,” said Charlie softly. “You’re a big deal in Leeds - in all of England, really. I completely understand. You didn’t - hurt my feelings or anything.” A lie. But a lie Nick didn’t need to know about.

“I’m sorry if I made tonight awkward,” said Nick, eyes down at the steering wheel.

“You didn’t,” said Charlie. 

“D’you - do you want a ride to practice tomorrow?” asked Nick.

“No, Amy’s got me,” said Charlie. Another lie. Another one Nick didn’t need to know. 

“Okay.” said Nick. A long pause. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “See you tomorrow.”

Charlie looked out his window a long time, watching Nick’s tail lights fade away. 

-

Newcastle…did not go well. 

The Badgers suffered a humiliating loss, dropping the fixture 45-15. Nick had played poorly, making the wrong call several times, kicking the ball up the field to no Badgers players and turning over the ball, misplaying from a line-out, and knocking-on. The locker room had been nearly silent after the game, players talking quietly to one another if at all. 

Now, hours after the match, Charlie was nearly dead on his feet. He and Amy had been at the stadium long after the game, completing a concussion protocol on Stig, who had taken a hard knock. Charlie had made the call that Stig needed to be checked out in hospital, and had finally wrapped up the transfer and incident report, getting in the hotel elevator at nearly 2 in the morning. The door was closing when a large hand stopped it, the doors re-opening to reveal Seamus, Danny, James, and Nick. 

“Springtime in the elevator,” crowed Danny, with a little less than his normal energy. 

“Hey, guys,” said Charlie. Seamus and James were holding a variety of junk foods. Danny was flipping his Airpods case around in his hands. Nick was looking down. Nick had been quieter the past few days, not his normal self. “Why the fuck are you all still up?” Charlie asked.

“You know how it is,” grimaced Seamus. “After a loss…”

“Hard to sleep,” agreed James. “Just keep going over it all again.”

Charlie nodded, too tired to make conversation. He listened as James and Danny started bickering about music and the best model of ear buds, Seamus jumping in occasionally. He looked up for a moment, Nick catching his eye. He saw Nick whisper hi, soundlessly. Despite himself, he mouthed it back, also silently. 

The door opened and Charlie said, “Get some sleep, guys. Goodnight.” The other lads exchanged a round of good nights and headed around a corner. Charlie turned to see - Nick. Nick still next to him, Nick hovering near his door.

“Hi…” said Charlie slowly, questioning. 

“D’you…do you want company? No - you’re tired, yeah? I’m sure you’re going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning…”

Charlie looked at Nick. He looked smaller than usual, subdued. Clearly something was bothering him. And Nick was his friend - Charlie would be there for Nick, despite his own feelings. Nick deserved that. Despite being bone-tired, Charlie could be there for Nick.

“Yeah. I could use some company. Come on, then.” Charlie held open the door, and Nick rushed in, the relief on him almost palpable. Nick came to a halt and pointed towards the desk, where Charlie’s travel electronic drum kit sat. 

“What is that?” asked Nick curiously. 

“Oh, my drum kit!” said Charlie. “I have a travel one that I bring on the road.”

Nick was just staring at him. “You play the drums?!”

Five minutes later, Charlie learned that Nick definitely did not play the drums. He watched and winced good-naturedly as Nick fumblingly hit one pad and then another, with less rhythm than an all-white audience at a rap show. 

“You’re terrible at this,” said Charlie, laughing, not unkindly. 

“I’m trying!” huffed Nick, giving it another try.

“Here, budge up,” said Charlie, sliding next to Nick. He put his hands in front of Nick’s on the drumsticks and tapped out a rhythm, Nick looking exhilarated. “There, now you’re a professional,” he said, smiling at Nick. He looked down at his hands, edging against Nick’s on the drumsticks. “Though, that’s probably cheating,” he said with another, more awkward laugh, removing his hands.

“Yeah, maybe,” said Nick. “Do you always bring them on the road?”

“I do,” said Charlie, moving to sit down on the bed, leaving Nick at the desk. “It’s a huge stress relief for me. When I’m anxious or nervous or upset…it’s just such a nice way of calming me down.” He turned and looked at Nick. “Do you have something like that?”

Nick barked out a laugh. “Yeah - rugby. So when rugby doesn’t go well…I don’t have a lot I know to do to - process. To feel better.” 

Charlie thought for a moment. “What about when you were a kid, and you were sick or hurt or something and couldn’t play? How’d you comfort yourself?”

Nick sat for a moment, eyes unfocused as he considered Charlie’s questions. “I had a bunch of movies that made me feel good. Feel calm.”

Charlie nodded. “Comfort movies. For sure. What were some of them?”

“A bunch of sports movies. I loved The Sandlot as a kid. I haven’t seen it in ages, though.” 

Charlie was already flipping to the apps on the TV, pulling up Disney Plus. “Lucky for you… I know where to find it,” said Charlie. Within a moment, he had the title sequence pulled up.  Nick’s face split into a wide grin, and Charlie realized it was the first time he had seen Nick smile - truly smile - since their dinner a few days back. “C’mon, then. We can watch a bit before you go and get some sleep,” said Charlie. 

Nick quickly crossed to the other side of the bed and flopped down dramatically, immersing himself in pillows. He took a moment to settle in, propping pillows behind him to build himself a comfortable spot, Charlie doing the same. He looked at Charlie. “Thanks…thanks for inviting me in. I knew if I went back to my room, I’d just lay there for hours. I’ll just watch a bit with you and then stop bothering you, I promise.”

Charlie looked at Nick. “You’re never a bother,” he said quietly. He settled back on the pillows himself. “I’ll be honest, I might accidentally fall asleep. But wake me up if you need anything, if I do. If you want to talk.”  The grateful look Nick gave him was worth more than the sleep Charlie was missing.

Charlie wasn’t sure what it was - the TV, the familiar lines of the movie, or Nick’s gentle breathing - but when he did fall asleep a few minutes later, it had rarely been so deep or peaceful.

Chapter Text

Charlie woke up at some point a few hours later, the room lit dimly by the TV’s screensaver. Too tired to move, he lay still for a moment before shifting his eyes and gaze over to his left, to the other side of the bed.

Nick.

Nick was there. 

Nick was turned on his side, facing toward Charlie. Charlie raised his head slightly and looked down between them. He had fallen asleep with his hand by his side, palm facing up and fingers open. Nick’s hand was inches from his, almost like he had reached towards Charlie's and then stopped. Or, Charlie internally rolled his eyes at himself, maybe that was just where Nick’s hand had landed when he fell asleep. He switched off the TV and turned on his side towards Nick and watched him for a moment. Nick’s eyes were still closed, his brow slightly furrowed. It was just another minute until Charlie was lulled back into a deep sleep, breath matching Nick’s in the silence. 

When Charlie awoke again, it was brighter in the room, and he was hotter. Much hotter. There was a heavy blanket across his arm and shoulder and with his eyes closed, he went to brush the blanket off his shoulder, but it tightened slightly. Confused, he cracked his eyes open and found himself on his side, tucked against Nick, his arm draped around Charlie. Nick made a sound in his sleep and rolled more onto his back, pulling Charlie closer and more on top of him. 

Charlie, his cheek against Nick’s chest, curls against Nick’s neck, was frozen. Nick’s left arm was loose across his body, barely grazing Charlie’s right arm. His right arm was tucked behind Charlie, elbow bent and fingers grazing Charlie’s hair. Charlie was so, so still. He wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. He could just make out the clock on the far side of the bed, past Nick. Half 6. The team bus wasn’t leaving until 9:30 - they had plenty of time, and Charlie’s alarm was already set. He shakily inhaled, and breathed in the moment - the closeness, the scent of Nick’s jumper and skin and Nick himself. 

This was a moment - a perfect moment. Charlie knew this might never happen again and melted into it. He was hot - honestly a bit too hot - but he would have let his proteins denature before he moved away. His anxiety was already piqued and whirring, though - he had invited Nick in because Nick needed a friend, needed comfort, and now here he was tangled with Charlie. Charlie hoped Nick would still look him in the eye after this, that it wouldn’t be like after dinner where they hadn’t spoken like normal for a few days. But in this moment, he was next to Nick, and Nick was next to him. He hesitantly, slowly lifted his right arm and gently laid his hand against Nick’s chest, just below his chin.

His left ear against Nick, he heard Nick’s heart shift from steady, slow beats (45 BPM, Charlie automatically guessed - curse of a PT), to a rapid, quick pulse - like Nick was awake, and nervous. Still, the hands around him didn’t draw away, didn’t release. He heard Nick sigh sleepily again and turn his chin slightly so that it rested against Charlie’s head. He felt Nick’s fingers tighten almost imperceptibly in his hair, brushing his curls. Charlie’s whole scalp felt alive, his whole body.  And the whole time he felt Nick’s heart beating, strong and fast, beneath his cheek.

They must have fallen asleep like that - Charlie woke up to the sound of his alarm and stayed for another long moment, not wanting to end this closeness, this utter comfort. He finally sighed and rolled away before Nick was fully awake, grabbing his phone and silencing the alarm. He scooted away to his side of the bed, rolling onto his back. Nick was stretching and rubbing his face with one hand, yawning as he did. 

“Sorry,” said Charlie quickly. “I think I ended up gravitating towards the middle…”

“Hey, no bloody sorries,” grumbled Nick with his lazy smile. “I think I was the one who ended up in the middle, my fault.” His tone was light, easy. He stretched again, jumper riding up, his joggers low on his hips. Charlie didn’t see any sign of boxers and looked away quickly. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep here; I hope I didn’t keep you up.”

“No, I slept great,” said Charlie. He was seeing what Nick Nelson - what Nick looked like in the morning. What he sounded like - how rough his voice was. The tiny amount of growth of his facial hair. His soft, still-awakening eyes.

“Me too,” said Nick. “And thanks for - thanks for talking last night.”

Charlie turned his head towards Nick. “Any time, Nick. I mean it.”

Nick nodded. “I know you do.” He gave one last, obscene stretch, pointing and curling his toes. “I am famished. I forgot to steal my share of snacks from the boys last night. I think I actually paid for all of them,” he said with a laugh.

“None of you room together, do you?” asked Charlie.

“Nah, not since rookie year,” said Nick. “Most teams make the first year Seniors players room together, but I’m all grown up now.”

Charlie laughed at that aloud, the ridiculousness of this mid-twenties man so proud that he was a big kid. He gently shoved Nick’s arm. “Big enough to take up more than your fair share of the bed.”

“Not my fault. I have these long dancer’s legs.”

Nick was so casual, so relaxed. Okay, they were going to act like this wasn’t a big deal. And it wasn’t a big deal. Nick had needed to talk, they talked, they both fell asleep (Charlie had even fallen asleep first), they ended up closer together in sleep. And now they were back to normal. 

“I do always miss my bed at home, though,” said Nick. “Miss being able to go to the kitchen and sit with a coffee for a few minutes.”

“I can make you one of the coffees from the room,” Charlie offered. “Do you like your coffee like your opponents? Weak and of questionable ethical origin?”

Nick snorted. “No, I’ll be right, I’ll stop by the coffee shop downstairs before the bus takes off. Actually, I should pack up and all that.” He stood, drawing out his phone and checking it for a moment and looking in his joggers pocket for his room key. “Thanks again, Charlie.”

“No problem,” said Charlie. “I’ll see you on the bus.”

“See you on the bus,” said Nick.

After Nick left, Charlie stood behind the door, staring into it like it might give him some semblance of an answer. Whatever had happened was - no big deal. At least to Nick. He’d take his cue from Nick, and not talk about this again.

-

Two days later, Charlie was at lunch with Elle, just the two of them. They hadn’t gotten a chance to spend much time together with the season in full swing, and even less time with just the two of them. They loved their nights with Isaac and Amy and now Tao, but there was something special about their friendship. They had known each other for over a decade - in fact, over half their lives. Charlie knew you can’t make old friends, and he was so grateful for all Elle had been and was in his life. She had been a rock for him, and he knew he had been for her, too. 

They went to a Thai restaurant that Elle knew was one of Charlie’s favorites and ordered a set of several small dishes so they could each try a little bit of a lot of different things. Charlie loved that Elle knew that this was a good way for him to eat - with options, and without the pressure of having to finish one single dish just in front of him.

They caught up about some work stuff quickly, and then moved on to their personal lives. Charlie demurred when Elle asked about his, dismissing that he didn’t have a personal life during the season. She had rolled her eyes at that, but knew it was true - there really wasn’t much in terms of what existed beyond the team during the season. Practices, matches, treatments, paperwork, travel. It was a boon when Charlie even got to see his friends more than once a week. 

“So, how have you been surviving the long, cold, lonely days without me and Amy?” asked Charlie. “Or has it just been constant pining?”

Elle laughed. “Oh, constant pining. Most days I just turn on an endless loop of Dashboard Confessional and stare into the abyss without you.”

“I understand. I mean - have you hung out with me? I am a delight.”

Elle shook her head. “Such a delight. No, I’ve actually been staying pretty busy. There’s an art show coming up downtown and Sahar from the Weaving Gallery - do you remember her? She invited me to display a few pieces, so I’ve been working on those.”

“Elle, that’s amazing!” enthused Charlie. “I can’t wait to see them. When’s the opening?”

“Not for another six weeks or so, so I have time,” said Elle. “You’ll have to come over and take a look at what I’ve been working on.”

“I’d love to,” said Charlie genuinely. “What else have you been doing?”

“Not a lot,” said Elle. “Just seeing Isaac when I can, and-”

“-And Tao?” asked Charlie, smiling lightly.

Elle looked a little embarrassed. “Yes, Tao - we’re friends. We work together. And we get along. So yeah, I’ve seen Tao a good bit, too.”

“Just the two of you, ever?”

“Yeah, but I hang out with Isaac, too, just the two of us.”

“That doesn’t count and you know it. You’re actually just the third wheel to whatever book he has whenever you hang out.”

Elle laughed. “Okay, fine, true. But yeah, sometime just me and Tao.”

Charlie paused, not entirely sure how to ask. “Is there - is there anything there? With Tao I mean?”

Elle looked at him, pausing for a long moment. “I think - yeah. I think there is. But I don’t think I want to do anything.”

“Why not?” asked Charlie. He had seen then together, seen their banter and the way their eyes always locked onto one another, despite what was going on in the room. 

Elle looked down at her hands, pressed flat against the table. “We’re friends. And he’s a good, good friend. I really like him, Charlie. I guess…I guess I worry that if something did happen, but then it went badly, I’d lose him as a friend.”

Charlie nodded. “I get that.” He really, really did. “But, Elle - do you trust Tao?”

Elle’s brow wrinkled a little. “Trust like…like how?”

Charlie tried to explain. “Like, you feel safe around him, yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Elle slowly. 

“And that he genuinely has your best interests in mind?”

“Yes,” said Elle, still looking at Charlie curiously. 

“Then - I mean, if you trust someone and you think they’re a good enough person that they wouldn’t just cut and run if it got a little uncomfortable…I mean, isn’t it better to be with someone you trust? Someone who you genuinely like as a human, who likes you as a human? That doesn’t seem like some Tinder hookup or whatever, just physical. If you feel like you know him and the him that you know isn’t the kind of person who’d just fuck off…then why not?” said Charlie kindly, cocking his head at Elle.

A small smile started on her face and grew across it. “Charlie Spring. If your Year 12 self had seen and heard how confident this Charlie is, do you think he’d have believed it?”

Charlie laughed. “God, never. It took me a lot of therapy to get here. But you’re changing the subject-”

“-I’m not!”

“You are. And you don’t need to do anything about it right now. You can also just enjoy it for what it is - but that’s easier said than done.” 

“I love you, Charlie,” said Elle.

“I love you, too.” They grasped hands for a moment over the table, smiling at the mid-twenties versions of themselves while still feeling their teenage selves in their souls.

-

That night, Charlie was back in his flat, taking some rare down time laying on the couch and watching Netflix. He phone lit up with a message from Amy.

I forgot we’re playing the Wasps after the next match.

oh, I did too actually. they’re good this year

and they have dickhead david 

Yeah. I remember him being such a twat.

completely. i know it’s against the sacred code of the physio but i keep almost wishing he gets injured (just like a light flesh wound) and has to be out a few weeks

Want me to take care of it? I know a guy.

…is your guy Isaac?

Yes. Yes he is.

lol yeah he can beat him with house on the cerulean sea

which btw i actually borrowed from him and it was amazing

I did the audiobook! I loved it.

But yeah I was looking up some stuff on them and came across this article on David

<Link>

okay give me a sec to read it 

Charlie clicked the link that Amy had sent, which opened to a sports blog. It wasn’t as professionally written as the large pundit sites, but because it was a blog, it definitely read as a little more “real”, rather than polished words from a team manager. 

David Nelson - The Worst Best Player in the Game?

Some rugby players are brilliant. Some are undisciplined. Some are dirty. Full-back David Nelson may be the perfect epitome of all three. For some players, fans can can argue that a player is just hard-nosed, gritty, and determined. For their rivals, though, they’ll point to an aggressive bully. All told, he’s been suspended for 18 weeks, which is impressive in how he’s accomplished that in just five years as a Premiership player. In his second season, Nelson was suspended for two weeks for stomping on the hand of Leicester Tigers’ scrum-half, and the bans have racked up from there. To an outsider, it may seem surprising that the Wasps keep him on their roster, with so much money spent on a player consistently kicked out for a time each season. Full backs are rarely the top points scorers on their team, but Nelson has been one of the top three scorers on the Wasps for the last four seasons, despite his suspensions. This may be due to his reported ‘leadership style’ in the locker room, allegedly berating teammates he feel haven’t given him his due carries and tries. Yet, he remains popular with fans, referred to as “The Enforcer” of the Wasps, and collecting sponsorships. Money really does talk.

Charlie felt a little sick as he read on, parsing through the injuries David had caused, as well as the points he’d racked up. He went into a bit of a deeper hole, searching additional articles and perspectives, each one confirming that David was an absolute wanker. 

After he read the sixth site, Charlie had to stop. David was such a dick - or at least it seemed from all the articles. It was so distinct and jarring to read this about Nick’s brother. Nick, who was kind and encouraging to his teammates, who worked to make sure everyone was included, who genuinely seemed to care about people as well as the game, was so shockingly different. Charlie thought back to what Nick had said in the car - that he didn’t want Charlie to think he was like his brother and dad. What Charlie had said was true - he didn’t know much of David and really didn’t know about his father. 

This led Charlie down another click hole to read about the senior Nelson, Stéphane. Born in France but playing in England, it sounded like Stéphane had played for several years before marrying Sarah, Nick’s mum, and then having the two boys, three years apart. Stéphane had apparently been a real piece of work, several articles mentioning his infidelity, especially in his later years of playing. He had also been an incredible fly-half, setting team records (also playing for the Wasps) and earning a place in the Hall of Fame. From what Charlie read, it sounded like Stéphane had taken off when Nick was 8 and David was 11 for good (though it didn’t sound like he was the world’s greatest dad before then…). David had moved in with his father when he joined a development program, Nick staying with his mum. Bless those gossip sites for once - Charlie never would have known all of this without them. 

Feeling even worse, Charlie had to close his browser. What a combination of nature and nurture. It sounded like Nick and his brother had grown up with a genuinely shitty dad and a seemingly incredible mum. They had been in the same household for most of their youth, but had turned out so differently. How had Nick ended up like he did, with David like… he did?

He finally looked back to his thread with Amy, where she’d sent a string of messages asking if Charlie had known about David’s suspensions, wondering about some current Wasps injuries, and some other notes about their upcoming game against the Sale Sharks, their next game before the Wasps. Charlie texted back some clinical thoughts, reviewing some player notes and just offering some vague agreement on what a knob David seemed to be. He didn’t want to think too much about him or Nick’s dad. Though he know he’d need to, since he’d be seeing David play - against Nick - in less than two weeks.

-

The locker room was a cacophony of sound, two days later. The Badgers players were participating in their annual charity calendar shoot, and this year, it was Cats Protection, and each of the players were posing with kittens. Well, all except Danny, who was wildly allergic to cats. As a starter, they wanted him to still be in the calender, and had gotten Imogen to acquiesce to him holding a leopard…gecko. Tao had laughed aloud at Imogen’s annoyed look when Danny had presented that option to them in the media office, Charlie and Elle lingering by the doorway to watch the show. All of them were nearly in tears as Imogen left, rolling her eyes and saying she’d contact a reptile rescue as Danny chased her, insisting, “And it’s funny! Like - a cat, but not!”

The players were periodically pulled back by the photographer or by Tao, who did some human interest interviews for the behind the scenes documentary he was working on, giving them space to talk about their own pets or experiences with animals growing up. 

Charlie had come to watch, because come on. Charlie looked around at the giant men holding tiny kittens, and it was almost too cute to bear. Amy was laughingly helping Seamus re-capture a kitten that had climbed over his shoulder to the back of his neck, claws snagging his sweater. Wilco was FaceTiming his kids, showing them the kittens in arms or in the pen set up over some newspaper. James and Lunker were taking Instagram stories of each other. Danny hid in the coach’s office, pressed close to the glass and watching with delight. 

Nick was by his stall, a little away from the other players and staff. Charlie drifted towards him, Nick holding two kittens, up next for his photo shoot. 

“Charlie,” Nick whispered, his face alight. “Look at them!” Both kittens were sleeping, their tiny faces peaceful and adorable. 

“Oh, my god,” Charlie whispered back. “They’re so cute.” He moved closer, stroking the head of the ginger kitten. “Did the cat people tell you their names?”

“This one is Ruck,” grinned Nick. “And this one is… Scrum.”

“Did you just make those up?”

“I did. Yes,” smiled Nick. “You have to hold one.” 

Nick gently shifted the black and white kitten to one of his arms, cradling it in the crook of his elbow, and carefully extended the ginger kitten to Charlie, who took it with soft hands.

Charlie brought the kitten up against his chest, nuzzling its head into his neck. “Oh, he’s so sweet,” said Charlie, cuddling the kitten. It burrowed a little closer to him as it slept, Charlie lightly stroking its head. 

“He likes you,” said Nick softly, looking at Charlie. 

Charlie knew he was trying to read too much into this. Was Nick actually trying to say something here? Charlie knew that there were so many pressures on Nick, so much attention. Was Nick not actually sleeping the other night? Was he awake, like Charlie, hoping that the night wouldn’t end? Was he saying something that he couldn’t say for himself? Charlie took a breath, and took a risk.

“He likes you, too,” said Charlie, eyes not leaving Nick’s. 

Nick breathed in, and opened his mouth, looking like he was going to say - something. 

“You’re up, Nick,” called Imogen from across the room.  

Charlie handed the kitten back to Nick, who took it from him, eyes still locked. It took another reminder from Imogen to get Nick to turn and walk away, kittens in his arms, ready to take another picture to share with the world. 

Chapter Text

The match against Sale was on the last Saturday in October, and it was one of the early ones - kickoff at 11:00 am. Those were always nice in that the stress and intensity of the days were over early with time to have a nap in the afternoon (if Charlie was lucky), but they were early days. The PT staff had to get there ahead of the team, setting up the room and sideline before warm-ups and practice began. Charlie knew that the next Saturday would be a long one in particular when Harry Greene stood on a bench after practice Tuesday to announce that they were celebrating Halloween American-style after the game. 

“Fancy dress required,” said Harry to a chorus of cheers and boos. “And the whole place is ours the whole night, so make it as risque as you want, boys.” He wiggled his eyebrows as some of the lads elbowed each other, remembering the previous year. Danny had been kicked out of the bar for emerging from the loo wearing a thong swimsuit with a stuffed bird head precariously sticking out of the top of his tiny suit (proclaiming he was dressed as a budgie smuggler). 

Harry continued. “St. George hotel, starts at 8. You’re all there, you’re all in fancy dress, and you’re all inviting a fuck-ton of cool people. Girls,” he emphasized. Charlie rolled his eyes. “All staff are invited; text me who you’re bringing ahead of time to put them on the list.”

The boys were receptive, even though Charlie had the sense none of them liked Harry as much as most of the other players. They hadn’t had a team party in ages, and once Harry stepped down from the bench, there were already conversations happening around who would wear what. 

As players got dressed and started to leave, some members of the media team came in, including Imogen. 

“Oi, have you seen those costumes where it looks like you’re getting carried away by an alien?” Seamus was saying to Nick. “The ones that blow up? Those are hilarious. Maybe I’ll get one.”

“That’ll make it a little hard to dance with your girlfriend, yeah?” said Nick.

Seamus rolled his eyes. “Eh, she doesn’t love dancing much. What’ll you do then?”

“No idea,” said Nick. “One year in Uni I got a bunch of gray paint samples and pinned them to my shirt and went as 50 shades of grey-” Seamus laughed and Charlie smiled to himself, overhearing. “-But I think that might be a little dated at this point.”

“Are you two talking fancy dress?” said Imogen, joining Seamus and Nick. 

“Yeah,” said Seamus. “Harry just announced that he’s having a party Saturday night after the game.”

“Are staff coming too?” asked Imogen. 

“Only if you’re ‘cool enough for one of us to invite’, apparently,” said Nick, rolling his eyes and flipping his head towards Harry to paint a picture of whose requirement that was for Imogen. 

Imogen smirked at Nick. “Are you say I’m not cool, Nick Nelson?”

Nick laughed. “Fine, I can invite you, Imogen” he said, tone easy. 

Charlie drifted away towards the PT room before he heard any more of Imogen’s flirting. It didn’t seem like Nick was into it, but he couldn’t be sure. After the bed-sharing and the kitten-cuddling, Charlie was more unsure than ever what Nick thought, or how he felt.

Charlie was in the PT room going through files before heading home, when he heard a knock at the doorframe. Nick was standing there, freshly showered, looking amazing in jeans and a plain, tight white t-shirt. 

“Hi,” said Nick, with a smile. 

“Hi,” said Charlie, turning towards him and smiling back. “Look who’s all dressed up not in joggers!”

Nick scoffed. “Do I really wear sportswear that often?”

“Yes,” Charlie said promptly.

“Fine, I s’pose that’s fair. Wilco invited me over for dinner tonight with the family; I’ve been dressing up a little when I go over. But,” he frowned a little, looking down, “I do usually get tackled by three kids when I go there, so maybe it’s a moot point.” He paused a moment. “Were - did you hear Harry mention the party?”

“Oh, yeah, I was in there,” said Charlie.

“You’re going to come, yeah?”

“Oh,” said Charlie, unsure. “I dunno. It doesn’t really sound like my kind of thing…” This was true - Charlie really did not love large, rowdy parties. And this was Harry, so rowdy was going to be the most likely result.

Nick met his eyes, looking warm and earnest. “Please come. I want you to be there.” He waited in the doorway, clearly wanting an answer.

Charlie’s willpower crumbled in a moment at Nick’s open face. “Yeah,” he said, grin growing. “I’ll go.”

Nick beamed. “What’ll you go as?”

Charlie paused. “That is a surprise.”

“Because you don’t know yet?”

“Because I don’t know yet.”

Nick grinned. “I need to get going to Wilco’s, or else I’d offer you a ride home. Need a lift to practice tomorrow?”

“No, thanks, I have to be here early for some appointments. Thanks, though.”

Nick nodded, a little subdued, but bounced back. “Sounds good. ‘Night, Charlie.”

“Goodnight, Nick.”

-

The team looked good all week. Nearly everyone was healthy save for one of the front line subs, so one of the practice players was pulled as a reserve. Otherwise, the team was operating smoothly, Coach Croft praising them at the team dinner the night before the Sale game. It was a sit-down dinner, and Charlie wasn’t sure when he and Amy had been invited - maybe even expected - to come. He was sitting next to Nick, and was trying to focus on keeping his right thigh pulled in tight, to avoid their legs pressing together. He didn’t pay much attention as Coach Singh talked about the importance of the next few months in terms of the Champions Cup, vaguely remembering that the Cup started in December. 

After the game, the players stood, mingling with each other, talking about the game, life, and a bit about the upcoming party.

Charlie was just about to leave with Amy, wanting Nick and the other team members to have some true team time, when he heard Harry’s loud voice cutting through as he spoke to Will. “Sounds like Nick is finally going to bring a bird out, it’s about bloody time.”

“Oh yeah?” said Will. “Not Imogen?”

Harry smirked. “She’s coming too. Nah, this is some bint named Tara.”

Charlie didn’t listen to any more as he and Amy left, just glad she hadn’t heard Harry’s crude language. Nick had invited someone else to the party? After Amy had dropped him off, promising to pick him up bright and early tomorrow, Charlie tried to go to bed, but couldn’t get his mind off the idea that Nick had invited someone else - a woman - to the party. Yes, he had also kind of invited Imogen, but this felt different. There was no Tara on the club staff; it wasn’t like Imogen who was just around and part of the team like Charlie was. 

After torturing his own mind and without any success at sleep for an hour, Charlie took out his phone and went to Instagram. He scrolled for a moment through his messages with Nick (he had sent a picture of himself playing Mario Kart only a few minutes earlier), and then went to Nick’s profile. He looked at Nick’s Following and Followers and searched the name Tara. He found one @Tara_The_Explara on both. Her account was private, but Charlie could see from her picture that she was stunning, a Black woman around his and Nick’s age with kind-looking eyes and a beautiful face. Charlie looked for a minute more before “loving” Nick’s last IG message and clicking off his phone. He breathed in and remembered some of his therapy from his first and favorite therapist, Geoff. Geoff had loved Viktor Frankl, and often reminded Charlie that, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Charlie decided that the Tara thing was a stimulus. Charlie could choose how he responded. He defaulted to anxiety - and was not sure if that would ever fully change. But he could remember that Nick came and sought him out in the PT room, remembered his brown eyes when he asked Charlie to come to the party. Charlie would choose to remember that.

-

The weather was bright and cold. Sale opened the scoring for the match, converting a penalty against Fitzy. They scored again, 11 minutes into the game, their full-back breaking a tackle from Nick and Seamus to reach towards the try line. 

The Badgers were able to shake off the beginning of match nerves and charged back with two tries in a row. Danny was driven to a try by a gaggle of teammates, and then James followed up with a try of his own, breaking down the right and neatly receiving a well-placed kick from Seamus. The Badgers went into the half with a lead, and a rousing speech from the captains had seen them all run back onto the field, determined and aggressive. 

Wilco was caught in a maul, multiple players pushing and scrapping. Accidentally pushed forward hard, Charlie and Amy watched as Wilco fell towards the ground, his hand not carrying the ball extended to catch him. They both winced as they saw the impact on his elbow, exchanging grim looks. The team medics walked Wilco over and Coach Croft called in a sub, Charlie immediately leading Wilco back to the PT room.

In the PT room, Charlie was relieved to check Wilco’s hand and see that was a normal color, indicating that there had been no arterial damage. Feeling around, it seemed as though Wilco had a simple dislocation with no injury to the surrounding area. Charlie would be sending him to hospital to be treated by the team doctor, but after his examination, he felt confident that Wilco would only be out for a few weeks. Wilco had sagged in relief when Charlie told him. 

“Thanks, mate,” said Wilco, leaning back against upraised back of the bed and watching the live broadcast of the game while Charlie continued to work. “I thought for a minute that it was it for me.”

“It’s just a dislocation,” reassured Charlie. “And fortunately, not a bad one at all.”

“Still…” said Wilco, trailing off. “At my age, any injury might be the end.”

“C’mon, Wilco. You’re one of the best in the game.”

“I’m thirty-seven,” said Wilco, shrugging. “It’s a matter of time. There’s going to be a time when there is someone younger than me, better than me. Or enough someones that I get pushed out. That’s how it goes. Young players come in, old players leave. That’ll be me.”

“Not yet,” said Charlie firmly. “Yes…that’s the reality. But you work hard, Wilco. You’re a leader for the team in what you say to them, but also how you take care of yourself. You model that.”

Wilco nodded and gave a small smile. “Thanks, Charlie.” They both turned to the TV at the announcer’s excited lilt, Danny neatly receiving a behind-the-legs scrum pass and passing it to Nick, who streaked up the field with James and Harry. Harry was driven into the ground by a tackle and handed the ball off to Nick, who broke a last-ditch tackle attempt and stretched his arm to earn the try. Charlie and Wilco cheered and high-fived. Wilco nodded happily. 

“It’s good to see him do well,” remarked Wilco. “Seemed a little lonely when he joined the team. Little lost, maybe. The wife and kids have taken a shine to him.”

Charlie was careful in his words. “Yes, he does seem like he’s doing well. The team seems to have a lot of respect for him, too.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Wilco. “I know he’s made some good friends. I know he’s appreciated your friendship, too. Seems like you’ve really helped him settle in.”

Charlie smiled. “Yeah, I mean, all of the team has.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. I know it means a lot to him,” Wilco said, turning his eyes back to the TV. “Think you can convince them to not send me to hospital until the match is over?”

“Definitely.”

Together, Charlie and Wilco watched the Badgers beat Sale, 26-16. 

-

Back at his flat, Charlie had enjoyed a blissful 45-minute nap and still had another hour before Amy was picking him up for the party. Nick had originally messaged to offer him a ride before calling Charlie in embarrassment to let him know that the team was “required” to be at the hotel two hours early for pre-drinks. Charlie had reassured him that he was fine, and that he’d see him there. 

The TV was on as Charlie got dressed and ready, and Charlie heard Nick’s voice in his living room. Charlie came back in to see an interview clip of Nick, the pundit asking a series of questions - about how Nick was settling into Leeds, some fluff questions about his favorite spots in town. 

“So, Nick - you have the upcoming game against the Wasps. How’s it feeling to be facing your brother for the first time with your new team, as an assistant captain?”

Charlie watched Nick’s face, always composed in interviews, close a little. It was subtle, but Charlie had spent enough time around Nick now to know when Nick was putting on a mask, the one that he wore in any interview that veered into personal territory. 

“Coventry is a great stadium, with great fans and a skilled team. It should be a good match-up,” said Nick evenly.

“What can we expect in terms of a brother-versus-brother rivalry on the pitch?” pressed the interviewer. 

“There’s no rivalry,” said Nick. “David is a great player. I’m looking forward to seeing him in action next weekend.”

The interviewer clearly gave up on Nick as a lost cause with this line of questioning and shifted, asking about various plays from the day before, and Charlie could see a little light back in Nick’s eyes as he spoke about the game he loved. Charlie knew it would be a long week of frustrating interviews for Nick, reporters and pundits eager for a “family drama” rugby story. 

An hour later, Charlie was getting in Amy’s car, where she and Isaac laughed aloud when they saw him.

“Animal from the Muppets,” howled Isaac. “It’s perfect.”

Charlie grinned. He had attached red and orange yarn to a headband that cascaded around his face, and wore an orange shirt, brown pants, and a vest. And carried drumsticks, of course. Amy was dressed as Carmen Sandiego. Isaac had a #1 medal pinned on his chest and cat whiskers drawn onto his face, his Great Catsby costume he’d worn a few times before. 

“Elle and Tao are meeting us there, yeah?” asked Charlie. 

“Yeah,” said Isaac. “They drove together - since Amy and I lied and said the car was full.” He grinned. 

When they got to the party, it was in full swing. The valets that Harry had apparently hired took Amy’s car and handed them each a code for an Uber, in perhaps the most forethought that Harry had ever demonstrated. Or, more likely, Imogen or one of the team’s lawyers had thought ahead and made that happen. 

The three of them went in after checking their IDs with security at the door, and Amy and Isaac pushed through the crowd, saying they’d go find Tao and Elle. Charlie made an excuse that he needed the loo - really, he wanted to see Nick. He wandered around a bit, exchanging hellos with several of the players and staff members. He ran into Seamus and his girlfriend Kate but edged away as soon as possible. Kate had always been a bit unfriendly, and Charlie wasn’t the biggest fan. It was odd; Seamus seemed to like everyone and Kate seemed to like…Kate. Not his to figure out, though.

Charlie was working his way around the already-crowded main dance floor, packed with people. He was just working towards the far side of the room when he felt eyes on him and turned, gaze finding Nick.

“Charlie!” called Nick. 

Nick was dressed as Aquaman. Green pants, green boots, a trident - and a skin-colored shirt, the tightest Charlie had ever seen, hugging every inch of his muscular chest and stomach. He had green cuffs pulled over his wrists and forearms, completing the costume. Nick was beaming as he worked his way over to Charlie, taking Charlie by the shoulders. 

“I’ve been looking for you!” they both exclaimed at the first time, breaking into identical grins. 

“Your costume is amazing,” said Charlie. 

“Thanks,” laughed Nick. “I had the wig, too, but I was about to tear my head off, it was so itchy.” He touched one of the yarn strands coming from Charlie’s headband. “This is hilarious. Did you do this yourself?”

“Elle helped me,” said Charlie. He was trying valiantly to pull his eyes up from Nick’s stomach, rippled underneath his shirt. “Did you make yours?”

“Nah, James had the idea and helped me buy some things for it,” said Nick. “Fancy a drink?”

“God, yes,” said Charlie. 

The two of them worked their way to the bar and got drinks. They got their cocktails and ended up back at the edge of the dance floor, where Amy and Isaac were stretching, clearly eager to do some impromptu performing. Amy must have requested the next song that was up - The Arena, by Lindsey Sterling. Charlie has seen them performing this before, the two of them step-for-step perfect with the dance sequence from the music video, a mad dubstep-type tango with lifts and jumps. He glanced around and saw the shocked, impressed expressions on several players’ faces, clearly never having seen Amy perform before. They had the party clapping along with them as they danced, and when they finished, there was a burst of stunned applause. Amy and Isaac bowed, and were immediately surrounded by Tao, Elle, and several of the players, gesturing and hugging them.  

Charlie hung back with Nick, letting them enjoy the moment. “That was amazing,” said Nick. “I mean, I knew she was talented - but that’s like you on drums level!”

Charlie laughed. “You saw me play once - for thirty seconds.”

“I’ll have to see you play again, then,” said Nick, meeting his eyes. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie. Was this flirting? Oh god, if Nick was flirting with him he was done for. After the last few weeks he wasn’t sure what to think any more. 

An hour later, after several in and out conversations with friends and colleagues, Nick and Charlie were on a couch lining one of the rooms skirting off the main dance floor. Nick was explaining how he was trying to teach his mum to play video games remotely with him, when Harry came up. 

“Oi, Nick! Why’re you up here? Bit boring, innit?”

“We just are,” said Nick, with a hint of confusion and not without a little annoyance. 

“I’ve got news for you,” said Harry.

“Yeah, what’s that?” asked Nick. 

“Your girl Tara is here,” smirked Harry.

Nick rolled his eyes. “Oh, good,” he said. He turned to Charlie. “Charlie - give me a second, let me say hi to Tara and introduce you.” Nick got up, and ducked out of the room. 

Charlie was left with Harry. Great. 

“She’s like, super hot,” said Harry. “Think he should finally get a shag in this season, don’t you?”

Charlie pulled his mouth back in something resembling a smile, but there was nothing behind it.

“What about you, then?” continued Harry. “I haven’t seen you talk to a girl at any of our parties. Let’s get you a bird tonight.” Oh, god, no. Charlie could not be talking about this with Harry Greene. 

Fortunately, Nick came back at that moment, his hand on the same beautiful woman’s back that Charlie had seen on Instagram. 

Ignoring Harry, Nick said, “Charlie, this is Tara, my agent.”

Charlie’s heart seemed to melt with relief. Nick’s agent! She was his agent. He was glowing as he introduced himself, suddenly at ease, not having realized how tense he had been awaiting Nick’s mystery invite. They spoke about how they met in Uni when Tara was in business school and Nick was still playing before joining a pro club. Harry, dismayed that Nick wasn’t going to “pull” tonight, had wandered away to inexplicably get involved in someone else’s romantic life for the evening. 

“Nick was my first client-”

“-And only for a while-”

“- But, fortunately, I did so well for him that I have quite a few clients, now,” said Tara. “I’m down in London, so it was just luck that I happened to be not too far away this week when Nick told me about the party. We don’t get to see each other too much these days.”

“Not enough,” agreed Nick. “I don’t even know what’s up with you lately!”

“Actually, I do have some new stuff going on,” began Tara. At that moment, Amy came up to Charlie, laughing and a little drunk. 

“Charlie! I demand at least one drink and one dance. It’s my birthday; you have to,” said Amy.

“Is it your birthday?!” asked Nick.

“No,” said Charlie flatly and Nick laughed. “It’s her go-to line, though. Works like 30% of the time.” He sighed, pretending to be annoyed. “Fine, Amy. One dance.” He smiled at Tara, telling her it was great to meet her and told Nick he’d see him in a bit.

Charlie had a great time with Isaac, Amy, Tao, and Elle, the five of them spinning together on the dance floor, sometimes coupling up for a minute and then surging back together as a group. A few songs later, Isaac and Amy did another dance as others danced around them, and Charlie looked around the floor. Danny was trying to pull James onto the dance floor, who laughingly refused, crossing his arms. It looked like Seamus was having a row with his girlfriend and Charlie looked away, not wanting to stare. It had been too long since he had seen Nick - seen Nick under that shirt, and he walked away from the dance circle, stopping for another drink.

Charlie again edged his away around the floor, finally spotting the head of auburn hair he was looking for, Nick’s back to him. He skirted a bit farther around so he could see more of Nick, Imogen in front of him. Imogen was leaning in close to Nick, saying something to him. Nick tilted his head down to listen to her, and Imogen got closer, laying one hand on his arm and tracing the fingers of her other hand down his stomach, her eyes intense.

Charlie didn’t wait to see what happened; he rapidly finished his drink and went upstairs to a different bar to refill. He had seen nearly all of the rugby lads at parties, seen the way they dipped their chins down to kiss girls, the way they pulled the girls in to kiss them more deeply, hands on lower backs, fingers carding through hair. He didn’t want to see that with Nick and Imogen, he couldn’t see that. Charlie collected his drink and then moved down a narrow hallway, going - where? He wasn’t sure. 

Charlie made his way down the hall, accidentally bumping into someone’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” he said automatically. He looked up. Fuck. 

“Hey,” said Ben, clutching a drink.

Charlie had nothing to say to Ben. He didn’t want to remember that Ben worked for the team, didn’t want him in his life in any way. He turned to get away.

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened, okay?” said Ben, walking back towards Charlie. “Have you finished sulking about it?”

Charlie sighed and rolled his eyes. “Leave me alone.” Charlie felt Ben grab his arm, and his anger just boiled inside of him, erupted. He whirled, dropping his drink and used both hands to shove Ben back against the wall, hard. “Do not touch me,” he half-yelled. He looked back at Ben’s stunned eyes for just a moment, and then turned. Ben wasn’t worth any more than that.

Charlie was shaken. He wanted to get away, get far away from Ben. He went back downstairs and instinctively found the couch where he had sat with Nick earlier. He sat, breathing in a pattern - in for four, out for seven - grateful to be alone for a moment. Once calmer, he took a moment to consider what had just happened. He had taken control. He had gotten Ben to back off. He did that. 

He was sitting in this quiet power for a moment when he saw Nick, Nick with his beautiful open face, joining him on the couch.

“I couldn’t find you,” said Nick, looking happy to see Charlie again. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I saw you a bit ago, but I didn’t want to get…in the way.”

Nick’s eyebrows knitted together. “In the way-”

Charlie interrupted him, high on what just happened. “So, I just ran into Ben.”

“Ben?” demanded Nick, worry creasing his face. He stared at Charlie hard. 

“Yeah. I mean, I…dealt with it?” said Charlie. “He tried to, like, apologize for what happened, but I pushed him into a wall and told him to go away.”

Nick’s face went through a series of changes as Charlie spoke, transitioning from anger and - care? - and smoothing into an amazed, soft look he beamed at Charlie.

“I’m so proud,” exclaimed Nick genuinely, laying a hand on Charlie’s knee.

“Shut up,” Charlie smiled. He looked down at the hand on his knee. 

“D’you want to go somewhere a bit quieter and catch up?” asked Nick.

Charlie did. He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Let’s go, then?” said Nick, extending a hand to help Charlie up. Charlie took it and waited for Nick’s hand to drop, but it didn’t. Nick led him towards the edge of the room, everyone seemingly too drunk to pay much attention to anything happening around them. Nick turned back to look at Charlie, and Charlie let go of Nick’s hand. 

“Race you?” said Charlie, and was off before Nick knew what had happened. 

Nick followed Charlie up a series of stairs, laughing, telling Charlie to slow down. Charlie dodged around party-goers, up three flights of stairs to an empty hallway, skidding to a stop when he saw a balcony off the main hallway. He wrenched open the balcony door and skidded onto it, Nick on his heels. 

“Woah,” said Nick, breathing hard. They were on a large balcony overlooking the hotel property, the stars visible on the clear night. There was no furniture on the balcony; it must have been packed away for the season. Nick leaned back against the wall and dropped down to sit, still looking up at the sky. 

“I can’t believe Harry hired this entire place,” said Charlie, sitting next to Nick. 

“Oh, he’s like proper rich,” said Nick. “A little of his money - a lot of his parents’ money.”

Charlie laughed a little at that, and they sat there for a moment in the night air, the cold cooling their hot skin. 

“How’d you end up running into Ben?” Nick asked gently. 

Charlie’s head was spinning from the drink, from Nick holding his hand earlier, from the adrenaline of the night. Charlie was bold. “I, uh, I saw you and Imogen earlier. I didn’t want to interrupt, so I went upstairs…”

Nick interrupted him. “Interrupt? What?” 

Charlie spoke softly. “It looked like you two were - having a moment. I figured you might want time together to, like-”

“-Oh, no, no,” said Nick. “It’s not like that at all. I think - well, she’s really drunk - and she said some stuff about liking me, but truly, Charlie, I don’t feel like that at all about her. You must have seen when she was telling me that.”

“Oh,” said Charlie. He was suddenly a bird, 50 times lighter and floating on air. His boldness was buoyed. “You don’t like her that way then?”

“Definitely not,” said Nick firmly.

“Do you - then you don’t have a crush on anyone at the moment?” Crush. Was he 14?

“Well,” said Nick. “I didn’t say that.”

Charlie’s heart froze. Sank. Died. “Oh.” You’re his friend, a friend would ask, Charlie. “What’s she like, then?”

Nick paused. It felt like minutes passed. “You’re just going to assume they’re a she?” asked Nick, finally. 

Charlie’s frozen, sunken, dead heart re-awoke, only to stop. Oh my god. He took a breath. “Are they,” he paused. “Are they not a girl?”

Nick looked at him a long moment, silent.

“Would you like someone that wasn’t a girl?” asked Charlie, trying to gauge Nick’s silence. He dropped his hand between them, next to Nick’s. 

Nick paused another long moment. “Yeah,” said Nick. Oh god oh god oh god oh god.

Charlie paused. Be bold, Charlie. Between stimulus and response. I can choose my freedom. He reached out his pinkie, until it just grazed Nick’s. He heard Nick’s sharp intake of breath, saw Nick shift his finger until it wrapped around Charlie’s. Charlie tore his eyes away from their hands, looking into Nick’s eyes. To his shock, they were brimming with tears. 

“Charlie,” whispered Nick.

Charlie reached his free hand to Nick’s face, and Nick caught it and pressed it to his own cheek, closing his eyes. Charlie took a shuddering breath. 

“Charlie,” Nick whispered again. “I…I like you. God, I like you so much.”

This wasn’t real. This was a dream, an incredible, repeat day and night dream Charlie had over and over for the last few months. Nick liked him. He liked Charlie.

“You do?” asked Charlie.

“Wasn’t it obvious?” asked Nick, with a weak attempt at a laugh through his tear-filled eyes. 

“Nick,” breathed Charlie, thumb running against Nick’s cheekbone. Nick closed his eyes and a few tears trickled out. “Nick, I like you so much. God, I can’t tell you-”

“-It would be hard, Charlie,” said Nick. “I…I’ve known I was bisexual for ages. But I’ve known just as long that I can’t be bisexual and be a professional rugby player. I can’t be. It would have to be completely secret. It would be too hard. You - you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to be forced into hiding because - because of me.”

Charlie’s brain was a tangle of emotions and feelings and words and so much. He wanted to comfort Nick, to reassure him, to kiss him, to keep them a secret with him, between only them. But then his mind finally caught up to what Nick had actually said.

It would be hard.

It would be too hard. 

“I want you, Charlie,” said Nick. “I want you, us, so badly. I’m just…I’m scared.”

Charlie, his own heart breaking, drew his hand back.

“I get it,” he said shakily. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard, Nick.”

Nick looked at him, eyes filled with pain, but with relief evident, relief that Charlie understood.

“But I wouldn’t care if it was secret,” said Charlie. Nick looked at him, eyes huge. 

Charlie stood up and looked at Nick, against the wall, seemingly smaller than normal. 

“I’m just saying to me - it - you - you’re worth it,” said Charlie softly. Nick’s breath hitched. 

Charlie went downstairs and called an Uber, leaving the party behind. 

Chapter Text

The following Sunday was a full day off from work, and Charlie wasn’t sure when he had needed a day away more. He kept going through the moments of the party, reliving in particular the the moments with Nick. 

Nick liked him. Nick liked him. But Nick also thought it would be too hard - too unfair for Charlie, and Charlie’s heart squeezed at that. It was unfair and so fucking stupid that they couldn’t just date and have it be a small gossip site item, like it would be if Nick dated any woman. But…that wasn’t the reality. Charlie knew a lot had changed in the world even since he was in secondary, but also that there were still pockets where homophobia ran deep, where masculinity was narrowly defined. Professional sport was unfortunately still one of those. Charlie knew a little of American football, that only one active player had come out as gay, and had subsequently been dropped by his team. 

But to Charlie, being with Nick would still be worth it. 

It was worth it to be just him and Nick. He was willing to have it be a secret, just between them. At least, for now. It would be hard to hide it, but Nick, Nick was worth it. And to be honest, Charlie wasn’t ready to come out publicly himself. He felt so accepted by the team. He had text threads with Seamus, Danny, James, Wilco. He was invited to team events and welcomed. He wasn’t in the news. He didn’t want any of that to change, and had no clue how the players would react, react to be in the locker room with them. But Nick…

He had left Nick at the party, sitting alone on the balcony. Charlie hadn’t been angry with Nick, even though his heart was in a million pieces. Charlie knew if it were him, he’d want time with his thoughts, and to not feel pressured into anything. Charlie had told Nick how he felt, and now Nick knew. It was Nick's move next. Charlie didn’t know if what he had said would change anything for Nick, but he wasn’t going to add to Nick’s worries - especially not with the game that following weekend, against David’s team. 

Charlie spent the day trying to distract himself as much as possible. He went for a walk with Elle, FaceTimed with Olly, went to his favorite coffee spot and had a cappuccino. He studied player files and prepped this week’s recovery plan for Wilco, who was going to be out for at least another week, definitely missing Saturday’s game. He drummed. And still, his mind kept reeling back to Nick, replaying Nick’s words. 

God, I like you so much, Charlie. 

I want you, Charlie. I want us.

Charlie wanted that too. 

-

That Tuesday, Amy and Charlie were in the PT room, working with players on recovery and maintenance plans. Amy had wrapped up with Lunker, and Charlie was working with Wilco. They discussed the results of the x-ray and MRI, which showed what Charlie has expected and hoped for: a dislocation with no injury to the surrounding tissue. Charlie still wanted Wilco to take at least another week off - preferably two - but he had a sense he’d lose that battle, Wilco eager to get back out.

Charlie gave Wilco a series of recovery steps to take in between their sessions and sent him back out to training, which he was desperate to watch. James would be serving as third captain for the weekend, Seamus promoted to head captain for the interim. Wilco refused to skip trainings, saying that he needed to be there for his team. Nick especially, Charlie knew. The whole team knew that the upcoming game was more significant than just their record. It’d be the first time that they played David’s team. 

After Wilco left, Charlie automatically started organizing and sorting the PT room, a tic that he still fell into when his anxiety was high. He hadn’t said a word, lost in his own thoughts, when Amy spoke to him.

“Charlie?” she asked.

“Yeah,” said Charlie, not looking up from stacking rolls of tape.

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine,” said Charlie, giving her a brief look and a weak smile. 

“Charlie.”

“Seriously, I’m fine.” Charlie tried to make it look more authentic this time. “I’m just tired. I got too drunk at that party and I’m still recovering. You know I get hangovers like a middle aged housewife.”

Amy crossed her arms and stared at him for a moment, not softening to his joke. She walked over to Charlie, where he’d turned back away. Charlie looked up when he felt her against his back, arms around him. 

“You’re one of my best friends, Charlie,” she said. Charlie leaned his head back on top of hers, gently. “And know that you can tell me anything. Any time.”

Charlie lifted his head, turned, and fully hugged her. “I know that, Ames.”

Amy hugged him back. “Tell me when you’re ready, babe.”

“I will,” said Charlie. 

They stayed like that for a few more minutes.

-

The next few days passed in a blur. There had been a few injuries during practice that week, and Charlie and Amy started each day early and worked late. Charlie had barely seen Nick, though they had messaged each other a few times. When Nick had climbed onto the bus on Thursday afternoon and their eyes met, Charlie felt like his chest was about to split open. It was so much harder now. If you had told Charlie that a month ago, he wouldn’t have believed it; wouldn't have thought that could be true. He had thought the idea that he wanted a straight Nick who wouldn’t want him back would the hardest thing. But this was worse. 

Friday evening before the game, Charlie had just returned to his room. He and Amy had worked with some players while most of the team went to a team dinner. Charlie had been working again with Wilco, who had insisted (and won) that he still travel with the team to be a support for the weekend. He had been in better spirits, his arm improving each day. They had talked about the game, and Charlie was surprised to find that he actually was starting to understand some of the strategies that the Badgers used, and how they changed with each team they played. Even from his outside perspective, Charlie could see that Wilco was the team’s natural leader. He was encouraging often, harsh when he needed to be, and a mentoring influence for many of the players. James, in fact, had lived in his basement his first few months on the team. Wilco and his wife had hosted at least one new or newer player each year, usually one newer to the city or country. Wilco spoke about James like a proud father, the same way he spoke of Nick. He was glad that James - and Nick - had someone like this in their corner. 

Charlie had dropped into his bed, exhausted, when he heard a soft knock at the door. Charlie groaned, got up, and opened it to see Nick. Nick, his hand still poised as if to knock again, looked at Charlie. 

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” said Charlie. 

“Can...can I come in?”

Charlie was ready to tell Nick no, that he couldn’t, that Charlie was too confused and torn up about where Nick stood with his feelings. That he couldn’t “platonically” share a bed with Nick. But he look at Nick’s face and saw his eyes, more anxious than even at the party. 

“Yeah, of course,” said Charlie, swallowing back his thoughts.

Nick came in, his look of gratitude shooting down Charlie’s spine. He sat on the desk chair in Charlie’s room, Charlie perching on the side of the bed. 

“No drums?” asked Nick, looking around the room. 

“Nah, I actually forgot them,” said Charlie. “Wish I had them though. How…how are you feeling about tomorrow?”

“I don’t know,” said Nick, running a hand across his face. “I haven’t played against David in almost a year.”

“What was it like the last time?”

“Fine,” Nick shrugged. “He’s always played really physical, even when we were kids. But I don’t know…it feels different. He sent a message a few months back when I was named assistant captain.”

“Yeah?” said Charlie carefully. Nick had never talked about his brother before, except that one time to tell Charlie he didn’t want him to think he was like David. 

“Yeah,” said Nick. “The subtext is that he doesn’t think it was deserved. Him or my dad.” Nick gave a quick bark of a laugh, no humor behind it. “Gonna be fun to have them both there tomorrow, eh?”

Charlie cocked his head. “Your dad is coming too?”

Nick grimaced. “Yeah, what luck, huh?”

Charlie wanted to comfort Nick - to hold Nick, to tell him it would be okay, that Nick deserved to be captain, deserved everything. But he had no idea where the line was between them now. 

“Nick…” Charlie started, not even sure what he was going to say. 

Nick looked up at Charlie, and his face changed. “God, Charlie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I - you - you don’t need me dumping all of this on you. Especially not after…” he cut himself off. “You need to get some sleep. You’ve been working your ass off. Thanks, Charlie, thanks for listening.” With that, Nick turned and all but bolted from the room. Charlie watched him go, still seated on the bed. 

-

The day of the match was unseasonably warm and sunny for early November, the last day before a cold front swept through the following night. The Wasps’ stadium was loud, fans showing up early and jeering at the Badgers as they warmed up. Danny grinned at the noise around them. 

“Listen to these lobbos,” he said. “It’s gonna be a wild one today.” Charlie silently agreed. 

The team returned to the locker room and the players were in their pre-game rituals and superstitions. Wilco was huddled with Seamus, Nick, and James and tracing plays on a whiteboard. Charlie and Amy were going to player to player, adjusting KT tape and checking on joints, taping fingers. Coach Croft called the team to order and gave a rousing speech, emphasizing their leadership and specifically calling out Nick and his role on the team. He said nothing of David, but Charlie knew the subtext. Forget it. You’re a leader. You’re better. We’re better. 

Nick’s eyes were determined and blazing as the match start approached. Charlie loved this look about him before a game, even when things were tangled and muddied. Rugby where where it seemed like Nick was his fullest, his freest, and Charlie loved to see him in flow, alive in the game. The team gathered together for a whooping cheer, led by Wilco, and thundered out of the locker room, Nick and Charlie last. Charlie touched Nick’s shoulder, just barely. 

“Good luck,” said Charlie. “You’re going to fucking slay out there today.”

Nick’s face broke into a grin. “Thanks, Charlie.” They headed out of the locker room and followed the team down the tunnel to a wall of sound. 

During the last few minutes of warm-ups, David crossed over in front of the Badgers bench, walking slowly and clearly trying to intimidate the staff and reserves who weren’t on the pitch. Charlie got his first close look at David Nelson, and it was jarring to see so many elements of Nick’s face, set in a leer. He was handsome like Nick, yes - same mouth, eyes the same color. But it was just...wrong. David locked eyes with each member of the staff just for a moment, and had just shifted his gaze to Charlie, his eyes narrowed and taunting. Until a shoulder collided with him, knocking David slightly off-balance.

“Lost, David?” Nick was standing in front of David, blocking his view of Charlie.

“Just checking out your new team, Cap’n Nicky,” said David, grinning at Nick. “Seeing what’s so special.”

“See it on the field,” said Nick, his voice hard. He waited where he was, between Charlie and David, until David sneered and jogged back to his team. 

The match was intense. The Wasps received the first half kick, and drove up the field only to be turned back by the Badgers’ defense. The ball worked up and back the pitch several times, with hard tackles breaking up the momentum. A solid cross-kick put the Wasps close to the try line, but the Badgers fought back. After 6 minutes of possession and no score, one of the Wasps players finally shouldered his way with the maul and reached the try line. The crowd exploded.

Charlie saw Nick and Seamus shouting and gathering the team together to clap them on the back and re-focus. The Wasps kicked off the ball, where it was picked up by Harry. The Badgers streaked across the field, working the ball up in a series of quick passes. James had passed it back to Nick, who played a beautiful kick up to Danny, where a ruck formed. The ball worked its way back to Nick, who ran up along with James, passing to James just before he was tackled. James reached - and scored the try.

The first half continued on in the same fashion, back and forth, with hard hits, but generally a clean game, until a few minutes before the half. Charlie had pulled Stig off the field for a quick finger tape (his finger looked alarmingly not-straight, but Stig wasn’t much fussed) and was kneeling in front of him, his back to the pitch.

Charlie heard the play getting closer and was suddenly knocked over in a burst of pain and surprise. David had driven a hard tackle into the Badgers bench, sending Lucas crashing into Charlie. Charlie got to his knees, stunned for a moment, Lucas apologizing and pulling him up. Charlie heard yelling and he and Lucas looked to see Nick grab David by the jersey and push him away from the Badgers bench, bellowing. The referee came over separated the brothers, warning them both. Seamus protested that David had intentionally driven into their bench, but the referee dismissed him, and warned that any more backtalk would earn a yellow. Seamus looked furious but shut up, seething in anger. Nick looked back at Charlie before returning to the field.

“You okay, Charlie?” he called.

“Fine!” said Charlie, trying to calm his nerves and adrenaline. 

Halftime passed in a flash, and the second half got even more intense. Play was back and forth, with penalties and tries for both teams. Nick was playing brilliantly - he hadn’t scored any points himself, but had read the field perfectly and had assisted on nearly every try, passing the ball off to the scoring player, mostly James. 

The game was tied with four minutes left, a lot of kicking back and forth without either team scoring. A massive maul had formed, the Badgers in possession. Charlie could see Nick, bent over and pushing hard. He saw David come in, fast, and watched with a pit in his stomach when David hit Nick high, knocking him onto the pitch. Seamus abandoned the maul and launched himself at David, who retaliated, elbowing Seamus in the face. Danny went to pull David off of Seamus when another Wasps player, Wallace, grabbed Danny from behind. Danny whirled and head-butted Wallace in the chest, leaving Seamus and David to scrap. The referee’s whistle (and several team members) finally broke up the melee, and in the end, all four - David, Seamus, Danny, and Wallace - had been yellow carded and sent to the sin bin. Charlie looked only at Nick, who had gotten up and seemed fine, though furious. Charlie gave him a questioning thumbs-up, which he grimly returned. 

Both teams playing two men down, the match was down to its last minute. The Badgers had the ball and the clock was running down, but they were too far away to score a try. Nick, breaking a tackle, spun his head and spotted James, tossing him the ball for James to aim his body and score a beautiful drop-kick goal.

The Badgers won, 52-49.

The locker room was filled with adrenaline, testosterone, and cursing. Lots of “fuck the wasps” and “fuck those dirty bastards” and strings of inventive curses from Danny, some of which Charlie did not recognize. Charlie and Amy were checking on several players, Amy immediately checking on Nick to ensure that he hadn’t suffered any injury. They both pulled a few players to be treated in the visiting PT room - it really had been a brutal game. Charlie sent one quick look to Nick, who was celebrating with James. James had been awarded Badger Bill, and was insisting that he and Nick hold Bill together, as James professed that he could not have done this without the “ultimate wingman” beside him. Charlie loved the smile on Nick’s face. He wanted to always see it. 

A few minutes later, Charlie was exiting the PT room for a moment, mid-treatment with Stig, to get some extra bandages. He walked past one of the windowed treatment rooms, pausing when he saw a familiar auburn head. Charlie hesistated, seeing Nick sitting in the room, an older man gesturing at him exaggeratedly. He looked like Nick - but like David, a twisted version of Nick. Charlie couldn’t hear much through the glass, but what he could hear made him feel sick to his stomach.

Didn’t score once…

Lucky your team won with you always tossing the ball off…

Même pas foutu de marquer un essai toi-même?

Not enough…

And then several times…

Pour quoi voulez-vous être connu? Pour quoi voulez-vous être connu?!

Through this all, Charlie didn’t see Nick’s head moving. It just looked like he was staring straight ahead, waiting for it to be over. Charlie knew enough French to know the spelling of that phrase that had been repeated, which he typed into Google translate. He looked at it. 

What do you want to be known for?

If this was Nick’s dad, like he suspected, Charlie knew why Nick was in such a state last night. He had played amazingly, enabled his team to win with unselfish play. But this wasn’t enough for the senior Nelson. Charlie wanted so badly to wait for Nick, to comfort him and refute every word his dad had said. But he was sure that wasn’t what Nick’s dad wanted him to be known for. And Charlie - fuck, he had to get back to the PT room. He had Stig there, Wilco in just a few minutes. Charlie wrenched himself away, his heart hurting. 

A few minutes later, Stig taped up and off to an x-ray for his finger, Charlie called in Wilco. 

“What a game, huh?” said Wilco. “Thought you were going to need a PT yourself after that bullshit tackle into the bench. You okay, Spring?”

Charlie nodded. “I’m fine, thanks. David…is a dick.”

Wilco laughed. “Yeah, that’s one way of putting it. Batshit those two are brothers.”

“I know,” said Charlie. “I mean, my brother and I are pretty different from me and my sister, my brother especially. But that - is another level.”

“Right,” said Wilco. “I’ve got my three and they’re all so different. But none of them are absolute twats.”

Charlie snorted. “Though, seems like David takes after their dad.” He paused. He didn’t know how much to tell Wilco. But then again, Wilco was captain, and had spent a lot of time mentoring Nick. He likely knew already. “I heard his dad with Nick after the game.”

“Yeah?” asked Wilco. “From what Nick’s said, he sounds like a right arsehole. Did he sound like one?”

“The biggest,” said Charlie. 

“That’s…that’s the one rule about being a father,” said Wilco. “Just don’t be a dick to your kids. You do that, you accept them, and everything else is going to turn out all right.”

Charlie smiled. “You seem like a good dad.”

Wilco gave his own soft smile. “It’s easy when they’re awesome kids.”

“They seem great,” agreed Charlie, who had only met them briefly at some matches. 

“You should come meet the family, proper-like,” said Wilco. “Annette and I are having a few of the boys over tomorrow evening for a family dinner.” He pointed at Charlie. “You’re coming.”

Charlie laughed. “All right, then.” Family dinner. That didn’t inspire the same dread as it used to, even just a few years ago. Charlie was actually looking forward to it. 

-

Charlie arrived at Wilco’s house the following evening, a bottle of wine in hand. He was freezing even just walking to the house from his Uber; it was raining and the temperature was plunging with the cold front moving through. Charlie rang the bell, and Wilco’s wife Annette opened the door, brightly welcoming Charlie in with her soft French accent. 

“Charlie, I am so glad you have joined us!” She took Charlie’s coat and ushered him in, calling to Wilco. “Trevor, Charlie is here!”

Charlie was confused for a moment until he realized that Trevor was Wilco. Charlie was so enmeshed with his team nickname that he had nearly forgotten that he had a real name. Wilco gave Charlie a warm hug and insisted on pouring him a drink, which Charlie accepted. 

“Good thing I’m taking a cab home,” joked Charlie, looking at the amount of bourbon in the drink. “Well, that and the news said it’s possible the roads may ice over tonight.”

“Is that right?” said Wilco casually.

“Where is everyone?” asked Charlie. 

“The kids dragged the boys downstairs to play floor hockey,” said Wilco with a grin. “Oi, you lot!” he called down the stairs.

There was a thunder of footsteps, large and small up the stairs. The door flew further open to reveal Clara, Jacques, and Amelia, the three Wilcox kids. Just behind them and out of breath were James and Nick. Nick was here?

Wilco introduced the kids to Charlie. Clara was the youngest - four and a half years old, as she told Charlie. Jacques was eight, and Amelia eleven. All of them were lovely and funny and easy to talk to. Charlie could feel Nick’s eyes on him, and when Annette ushered everyone into the dining room, Nick took Charlie’s arm and held him back gently. 

“Sorry…did you know I was going to be here?” asked Nick, looking at Charlie. “You looked a little surprised.”

“No - I mean, yes, I was surprised, no, I didn’t know who was going to be here,” said Charlie. “Wilco just said ‘some of the boys’.”

“Well,” said Nick. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He gave Charlie a quick squeeze on the shoulder before releasing it quickly and nodded to the dining room. “Shall we?” 

Charlie nodded and followed Nick. Dinner was a fun, raucous affair. The kids and James and Nick all teased each other, clearly comfortable in each others’ company. Clara progressively slid her chair closer and closer to Nick until Nick got the hint and collected her in his lap, where she sat happily. Wilco caught Charlie’s eye and rolled his own. “She’s obsessed,” he said below the din of voices. 

Charlie smiled. “I get it - my little brother is equally enamored with him.”

“I can see it,” said Wilco. “He’s hard not to like, yeah?” He held Charlie’s gaze for a moment, a very small smile on his lips. 

Charlie paused, not quite knowing how to respond. At that moment, the phones at the table all buzzed at the same time, and the adults looked. 

“Emergency weather alert,” read James. “Sounds like the roads are icing over.”

“Well, would you look at that,” said Wilco, looking happy.

Annette frowned. “I do not like the idea of any of you boys driving home. Especially with all the drink that we’ve all had. Or even taking a cab,” she looked at Charlie.

Wilco nodded. “Yes, too dangerous. James, you can stay in your old room. We have an extra guest room, if you two don’t mind sharing.” He inclined his head towards Nick and Charlie. 

Nick looked at Charlie, like he was seeking to know if Charlie was okay with it. Charlie’s chest was tight with the idea of sharing a bed with Nick again, in so many ways. And he loved that Nick was thoughtful enough to check in with Charlie, knowing that he might have mixed feelings. Despite his own tangle of emotions, Charlie smiled and nodded. 

“That works for me, yeah,” said Charlie. 

“Same,” said Nick, easily. 

“Well, good.” Said Wilco. “And since we know no one is driving anywhere - let’s keep the wine going!”

They all drank and laughed for another hour or so, when Annette disappeared to the kitchen. When she returned, she dimmed the lights and set a beautifully frosted chocolate cake in front of Nick, singing the birthday song, the others joining in. Charlie was shocked - was it Nick’s birthday? He could have sworn Nick said it was the fourth of September.

Nick looked stunned and amused. “It’s not my birthday.”

“No, said Wilco, crossing his arms across his chest. “It was your birthday exactly two months ago, but you were new on the team and didn’t tell anyone.”

Nick laughed at that, loud and bright. Charlie thought it was his favorite sound in the world.

“Make a wish!” Annette encouraged him, and Nick blew out the candles. 

-

A few hours later, sleepy Wilcox children had already been carried or staggered to bed, and the adults were ready to turn in themselves. James had brought Charlie and Nick some of his clothes that he still had at Wilco’s place to sleep in, and Annette provided them with extra toothbrushes and towels. Charlie and Nick thanked both of them and said their goodnights, going into the guest bedroom with its ensuite bath. 

Nick went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, and Charlie took the private moment to change. He was in a practice t-shirt of James’s, with his last name (Walker) across the back. Charlie traded places with Nick as he exited the bathroom, and when he came out, he saw Nick in a far-too-small shirt of James’s, Nick having a few stone on James. 

Charlie and Nick both slid into bed, the same sides that they had been on that night in the hotel room. Nick hesitated, his hand above the light switch. 

“You good for the light?” Nick asked.

“Yeah,” said Charlie, clicking off his phone. 

They lay there for a moment in the silence. It seemed to build, the questions and unspoken sentences between them. Charlie practiced a few things in his head, but nothing seemed quite right.

Finally, he said quietly, “Are you doing okay? After seeing your brother and dad?”

Nick’s voice was almost his interview voice. “Yeah, I mean, it was just a rugby game. I’ve played against David lots of times and my dad’s been there at a lot of the games.”

“Nick…” said Charlie. “No matter what…even after what we talked about at - the party - I’m still always here for you. You can - you can talk about it. How you’re feeling. If you want.”

There was a long pause, and Charlie almost, almost was going to drop it and wish Nick a good night. 

“Tonight…tonight helped. Yesterday, it was…It was kind of a lot. My dad wasn’t happy after the game. And David…” Charlie heard Nick rustle and could just barely see him turn on his side towards Charlie. “When he came towards you, and then when he pushed everyone into you…god, what the fuck kind of family is that?” He huffed out a sigh. “And then, like, there was tonight. Wilco and his wife and kids celebrating my birthday, even though it was two months ago. Then there’s a family like that. And my mum,” he said thoughtfully. “She’s like them, like Annette and Wilco, so caring. Families are a real mixed shit salad.” He let out a rueful laugh.

“I know what that’s like,” said Charlie.

“Your family seems so perfect,” said Nick. 

Charlie snorted. “Maybe now? And it’s definitely not perfect, not at all. Just better. In secondary, I went through some really shitty stuff, and Tori too. And my parents had no way to handle it. They couldn’t manage their own mental health - or at least, weren’t even aware of it, that mental health was even, like, a thing. They definitely couldn’t handle two mentally ill children.” Charlie stopped suddenly, anxious at what he had said. Would Nick think he was crazy? Too much? A hassle?

“Yeah?” said Nick gently, inviting him to go on. His voice was so kind. 

“I…I struggled with some anorexia. And OCD, both of which are tied to anxiety. Struggle still a little, I guess? Although my old therapist would encourage me to say that I’m challenged by them, not struggle with them. I can meet challenges.”

“I like that,” said Nick softly. “What helped?”

“Therapy,” said Charlie. “And a support system. Some of that support system needed to be built - like my parents. They needed to learn how to be a support system. And then others, like Elle and Amy and Isaac - they were ready-made to be a support system. And they don’t fix everything, of course. It’s not like love makes the anxiety or OCD or anorexia fully go away. But it helps.” He turned towards Nick. “It helps to have people.”

Charlie could just see Nick’s outline nodding in the dark, as he seemed to digest what Charlie said. There was a pause.

“Charlie?” asked Nick.

“Yeah?” said Charlie.

“The other week - in the hotel room. Were you…were you asleep the whole time?”

“No,” admitted Charlie. “I woke up a few times.”

“Me too,” whispered Nick. “I - I woke up the first time because I think you were having a dream, a bad one. I went to hug you, and you kind of settled in…and I didn’t let go.”

Charlie looked toward Nick’s dark outline. “Well, when you rolled on your back, you pulled me with you. And I - I got closer. I didn’t know if it would be the only time.”

“Me neither,” whispered Nick. He paused again. “When I realized I was bi…I thought it would be easier, somehow. I was so scared of liking boys, too, that it meant I was gay, and then when I realized I still like girls, too, I was so relieved. I convinced myself that it wasn’t a big deal; that since I liked both I’d just choose a girl that I liked and not a boy that I liked, and no one would ever need to know.” He took a shuddering breath. “But it doesn’t work that way. It’s not, like, you like two people, just pick the girl. It’s the person. It’s the person I like. You’re the person, Charlie.”

Charlie’s heart was almost bursting, and it took everything to not grab Nick and pull him in, never let him go. But he knew Nick still had more to say.

“The other night at the party, when you went off with Amy, Tara and I caught up a bit,” Nick continued. “She told me that she’s dating a woman - Darcy, her girlfriend. And she was so free about it, and open. And…and Charlie, tonight, Annette told me to blow out the candle and make a wish. And for the last few years, I’ve always wished the same thing. That it was different, that I was different. But tonight I wished for something different. I wished for you.” Nick took another shaky breath. “I was wrong, Charlie. I was wrong. I…I want to be with you. But you - you can’t let me trap you. It would have to be secret, so secret. For now, that’s all I could give you. And you deserve so much more. I’m scared I can’t give you enough.”

Charlie had been listening to Nick, his skin alive and his heart pounding. His eyes filled with tears, Charlie reached out to Nick, his right hand drifting onto Nick’s cheek. He felt Nick close his eyes against Charlie’s touch. 

“Nick,” Charlie said. “You are enough. You - you are enough for me. ” 

He heard Nick’s breath catch, and felt Nick shift on the bed. Nick rose up on his elbow, hovering above Charlie. 

“Charlie,” whispered Nick. “You…you are my person.” And Nick dropped his free hand to Charlie’s face, his thumb caressing Charlie’s lower lip. “You are… everything.” He leaned in, breath ghosting across Charlie’s mouth. “Charlie…”

“Yes,” gasped Charlie, giving Nick the permission he knew he was seeking. And then Nick was kissing him, his lips pressed against Charlie’s. Chaste at first, but then seeking, pressing, needing. Nick opened his mouth and traced his tongue along the part between Charlie’s lips, Charlie responding with a moan. This made Nick groan and push his mouth more deeply again Charlie’s, his kisses increasingly desperate. 

Charlie was on fire. His skin, his lips, his hair as Nick fingered through it. He had never felt so alive, never felt the blood in his body course through him like this. Nick was partially on top of him, his chest pressing down, pressing Charlie into the mattress in a way that felt protective, and so right. He drew Nick even closer, wrapping his arm around Nick’s back. Nick drew back from Charlie’s lips, kissing down Charlie’s neck, drawing sounds out of Charlie that he tried to choke back. Charlie unintentionally arched his hips up against Nick and felt Nick draw back, just a little. 

“Nick?” asked Charlie. “You okay?”

“So okay,” mumbled Nick. “So, so good. You okay?”

“God,” moaned Charlie. “I literally have never been better.”

Nick laughed a little into Charlie’s neck. He drew a line of kisses from Charlie’s neck, to his collarbone, to his ear, and then finally, back to his lips, capturing Charlie’s lower lip between his and sucking on it, gently. Charlie’s hips bucked back up and met Nick’s, where… oh.

Nick was a hard line against Charlie’s thigh and Charlie groaned, not able to control it. Nick responded to Charlie’s sound, rolling his hips back against Charlie, gently at first, and then with more pressure when Charlie whined with need. Every press of Nick’s body was mind-blowing, and Charlie was almost delirious. 

“Nick-” he finally choked out. “We - we can’t. Not in Wilco’s bed.”

“Fuck,” breathed Nick, laughing just a little. “I honest to god forgot we were here.”

“Me too,” grinned Charlie, against Nick’s lips. “But…”

“Yeah,” said Nick. “...Not in Wilco’s bed.” He kissed Charlie once more and drew his forehead back to touch Charlie’s. 

“Soon,” promised Charlie.

“Soon,” echoed Nick with one final, soft kiss. He drew off of Charlie and rolled on his back, firmly pulling Charlie with him. “And this time, we don’t need to pretend to be asleep.”

Charlie pushed his head onto Nick’s chest, placed his hand against Nick’s heart. “No more pretending,” he said. “Not with each other.”

Charlie slept the deepest, most peaceful sleep he had in months.

Chapter Text

Charlie woke up, awoken by a whooshing sound and a door opening and closing. He stirred a little, halfway between sleep and waking. He was laying on his right side, his body facing towards the edge of the bed. Charlie felt the motion of a person - Nick - getting into the bed and nestling up behind him. A warm, rough-smooth hand slide over his hip and up his ribs to wrap around his chest, a voice whispering go to back to sleep, that it was too early. 

This was the most realistic (but also mundane) dream he’d ever had: Nick getting back in bed from a middle of the night pee. But Nick felt real, felt firm against his back, and Charlie twisted his head to look, meeting half-open brown eyes that were just visible in the dim light. Was this real?

It was easy to check. Charlie kissed Nick. Nick made a soft, sleepy sound and kissed him back. Charlie drew away slightly, lips touching Nick’s just a moment longer than necessary.

“Hi,” said Nick. Charlie could just make out the smile on his face. “Go back to sleep, it’s only half six.”

“I had to see if I was dreaming,” said Charlie.

“You’ve dreamed about me before?” asked Nick, a tiny flirt to his voice even with the early hour. He lifted his hand and gently ran his fingers through Charlie’s hair, his short fingernails scratching Charlie’s scalp.

Charlie laughed a little, even as he was floating with Nick scratching his head. “God, yes,” he said. To the question. Or Nick’s hand. Both.

Nick kept his fingers moving. “Me too,” he murmured.

Charlie looked at him. “Really?”

“How are you possibly surprised by that, Charlie?” Nick chuckled. “How many extra conditioning sessions does a lad have to run to make you think he likes you?” They both laughed at that. Nick’s smile dropped a little, his eyes more intense. “I’ve dreamed about you so many times. Think about you all the time.”

Charlie knew that Nick had said he wanted him, showed him he did last night. It was still staggering to think that Nick thought of him often, that Nick dreamed about him, maybe even on the same nights Charlie had been pining about Nick. Maybe some of the nights Charlie had woken up from a too-good-to-be-true dream and laid there quietly in disappointment when he awoke, Nick had been doing the same thing. He didn’t quite know what Nick saw; what made him want Charlie. Charlie took a breath, trying to press down the thoughts that threatened to rise, reminding him of secondary or Ben or nights he had listed all of the things he hated about himself. Stay here, Charlie, he reminded himself. Don’t take away your own joy by worrying it might be taken away from you. He leaned his face into the space between Nick’s head and neck, wanting to stay in the moment. He repeated what Nick said in his head - that he thought about Charlie all the time. He felt Nick lean his cheek against his hair and give a contented sigh.

“Me too, Nick,” said Charlie.

They both fell back asleep, not awakening for a few hours until Charlie startled awake from the thundering of small and medium feet down the stairs, Wilco’s kids clearly up. Hos jump woke up Nick, who gripped Charlie hard for a moment before opening his eyes in confusion. Once he came to a bit, Nick re-closed his eyes and grinned. He released Charlie and gave an almighty stretch, letting go of Charlie for the first time in hours, arms above his head and fully extending his legs and toes. Charlie joined him in a stretch, laying a hand on the exposed strip of Nick’s stomach and making him jump again.

“Cold!” squeaked Nick, his voice cracking a little. Charlie laughed.

“C’mon, we need to get up before Wilco’s kids burst in on us,” said Charlie. He gave a stretch of his own and languidly got out of bed, going to the en-suite toilet and finding his toothbrush. He put paste on his and Nick’s, who followed him in, a little bleary eyed. Charlie had seen Nick the morning after they had shared a bed in the hotel room, but now he could really look, could enjoy seeing Nick first thing. His normally perfectly-swept auburn hair was a little curled, ends sticking up in some places. Nick brushed his teeth with one hand and ran his fingers through his own hair in a gesture Charlie had seen often and never failed to make him swoon a little, raking his hair back in place and smirking when he caught Charlie looking at him in the mirror.

“Like what ‘oo see, Shpring?” Nick said around his toothbrush, amusement on his face.

“Shut up,” said Charlie, turning his head back to hide his smile. He rinsed and spit, and Nick did the same after. Charlie took a minute to splash his face with water, and took the towel Nick handed him, eyes still closed. Drying his face, Charlie felt Nick’s bulk press against him from behind, one arm wrapping around his torso and the other lingering by the side of his neck, fingers grazing the delicate skin there.

“Nick,” he breathed.

“I like what I see, too,” said Nick, his mouth now at the other side of Charlie’s neck. Charlie looked up at the mirror through his eyelashes and met Nick’s gaze. Nick pulled a little at the back of Charlie’s shirt. “Hate seeing you in James’s shirt, though. Wish you were wearing a different player’s name.”

Charlie closed his eyes and smiled. “Yeah, me too. That Seamus sure is dreamy.”

Nick laughed and dropped his head against Charlie’s shoulder. “Yes. Exactly.” He fingered again at the neck of the shirt, drawing it down a little.

Charlie caught a glimpse of a light bruise on his skin, just beside his collarbone. “Oh,” he said, looking a little closer in the mirror. Nick looked too. “My shirt’ll cover that up - but guess we’ll have to be a little more careful.”

Nick winced a little. “More careful already?”

“Just… less visual, I guess,” said Charlie. He felt Nick’s body tense slightly, his fingers stilling. Charlie turned around to face Nick.

“Are you sure - is…I wish it wasn’t… secret. But - I can’t. I can’t yet.” Charlie could feel Nick’s breathing change, could see a flicker of panic that he was working to control.

“It’s fine, Nick,” said Charlie. He truly did get it. “It’s… it’s just us. It’s still just us. And when I see you in the changing room or on the pitch or anything - when we look at each other, I’ll know. We’ll know.” Nick nodded, and Charlie pressed against him, his head tucking under Nick’s chin. “Come on. I know you’re reviewing tapes today.”

They dressed in their clothes from the night before and went downstairs. Annette greeted them cheerfully and fixed a coffee for Charlie, a tea for Nick, waving off their offers for help. There were yells coming from the basement, and Annette rolled her eyes and said that James, Wilco, and the kids were engaged in an early-morning Nerf battle, Wilco having given them permission to wake James up with the slightly unorthodox means of foam darts.

“They’ve missed him,” said Annette. James had only recently moved out of the spare bedroom and into his own flat.

“I reckon he misses them, too,” said Nick. “He talks about them a lot.”

Annette smiled. “He’s a good one. Now. Let me enjoy this rare, rare moment to be alone in my kitchen. I believe a war is on downstairs.”

Charlie and Nick laughed. They finished their drinks and joined the epic battle downstairs, laughing and playing until Annette called them all back up for breakfast.

The roads were clear by the time they had all finished; the cold front had passed and the morning sun had already melted the thin patches of ice. Nick offered Charlie a ride home and they said goodbye to Wilco and his family, Nick and Wilco first quickly touching base to plan their captain’s meeting early that afternoon.

Nick drove them to Charlie’s, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on Charlie’s knee. They got back to Charlie’s flat far too soon, and Nick pulled into the underground car park in a visitor’s spot to drop him off. Charlie cast a look around the car park, and ensuring no one was around, reached out to touch Nick’s cheek, Nick already leaning in. Their lips met and it was so soft, so easy. Not like the aching, desperate kisses from last night. This - this was gentle. It felt like promise.

“Message me later, yeah?” said Nick, only drawing his mouth away a centimeter.

“Yeah,” whispered Charlie back. He pressed forward for one more kiss before forcing himself to get out of the car. He watched Nick back out and drive away, not fully believing that the previous night and morning were real. It wasn’t until Nick’s car was fully out of sight that he went inside, his whole body and brain buzzing.

-

On Wednesday, Charlie and Amy were in the changing room, working with injured players while everyone healthy was training. Wilco had been cleared by the team doctor, and he and Charlie were working on continued strengthening and recovery to be ready for the game that weekend. Wilco was in high spirits, clearly thrilled to be returning to the pitch in just a few days. He clapped Charlie on the shoulder when he left, inviting Charlie over for dinner any time. Charlie and Amy finished their notes and organized the room before heading to the locker room, chatting about their group’s trivia night the following evening, talking logistics. Amy said she was happy to pick up Charlie and drop him off and he thanked her. They’d all gotten a little addicted of late, Tao tipping them over the edge to be a truly great team.

They were talking about the trivia night the next evening, which was at a new bar in town, when they ran into the players coming back into the locker room, smelling like grass and sweat and fresh air. Danny was closest to them, and had clearly overheard. Inserting himself between them, he laid an arm across each of their shoulders, both Amy and Charlie groaning at how sweaty he was.

“Trivia?” he asked. “Do you lot do pub quizzes?”

“Sure do,” said Amy. “You’re looking at forty percent the world’s most okay-est trivia team.”

Danny laughed. “I love trivia! What time does it happen?”

“Starts at seven at the place we’re trying tomorrow,” said Charlie.

“Where’s that?” Danny asked.

“Mark’s Alley,” said Charlie.

“Oh, that’s the new place on High Street, yeah? Reckon it only goes until what, nine? Oi, lads! Who’s up for a pub trivia night tomorrow?” Danny called to the group walking in, which included Will, Seamus, Wilco, James, Stig, and Nick.

Nick smiled at Amy and Charlie. “With you two?”

Charlie nodded, trying to keep the blush off his face, feeling like he was in year 10 again. “Yeah, us and Elle and Tao and Isaac.”

Nick was casual. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Won’t drink, since we’ll have training Friday to prep for the game, but I’ll need a meal anyway.”

“You lot?” Danny asked the rest. Wilco begged off, citing his family and Stig was with his girlfriend, but James and Seamus enthusiastically agreed to join. Charlie said he’d message all of them the details and a day later… Charlie found himself at a bar, with the mix of his friends - and his other friends? Isaac and Elle had been welcoming and easy-going when Charlie and Amy had texted the group to let them know that they had more joining that evening. Tao was…less happy. He had sent several rolling eye emojis and suggested that the rugby boys find another quiz game to play with categories more suited to their brains - such as “Days that end in -ednesday”. But he had acquiesced in the end.

There was a small stir when Danny and James walked in together, a few people excitedly asking to take pictures. However, there was a fairly small crowd at the pub night and a strict “no phones in sight” rule during the game, so there would soon be an end to the gawking. Fans were still asking for a few last pictures and autographs when Seamus came in. Charlie and Amy started laughing when Seamus almost looked affronted, realizing that no one was paying attention to him, focus on Danny and James. Seamus slumped into a seat at the table with Charlie’s friends.

“Bloody kids, stealing my thunder,” he grumbled in mock-offense.

“You’re old news, my guy,” said Amy. “Emphasis on the old.”

“Madam, I am twenty seven. I still have several years left before I start pulling my jeans up to my nipples.”

There was another stir when Nick came in, wearing a hooded jumper and joggers, somehow still blindingly handsome. Charlie tried not to stare as he walked over, smiling politely at fans but keeping moving towards the group, making it clear that he’d prefer not to stop and chat at the moment.

“Aw, you didn’t need to get all dressed up for me, darlin’,” drawled Danny in a terrible Southern American accent.

“This old thing?” Nick gestured to himself. “Only the best for you.” He mussed Danny’s hair, catching Charlie’s eye and grinning widely, who couldn’t stop himself from smiling back. Everyone said hello to each other, a few re-introducing themselves to Isaac, Elle, and Tao, though they all mostly knew each other even just by appearances from office visits.

Danny and James mentioned that they were regulars at their Uni’s local pub quiz nights, and shared their areas of relative knowledge. They insisted that they be on the same team. The pub limited teams to five players, and Amy and Isaac offered to team up with the two of them. Seamus said he’d join the four of them, rolling his eyes and saying that Charlie’s team didn’t need as many people since he was too smart. Charlie caught a glance of Nick’s face smiling fondly at Seamus’s remark, and looked down into his own lap for a moment to collect himself. He and Nick moved to a separate table to sit with Elle and Tao. Nick and Elle chatted for a moment, talking about Elle’s ongoing campaign. Nick mentioned that Elle may want to speak to his mum when she came to the game in a few weeks, noting that she did a lot of work with the local girls’ rugby teams when he was growing up, arguing for equal field time. Elle was keen, and Nick said he’d set it up. This seemed to help Tao warm up to Nick a little, but Charlie could still feel the skepticism.

They picked their team name (Les Quizerables) and listened as the host read the rules. Phones were required to be out of sight on threat of immediate disqualification. The other team names were read out, including Exquiz me?, I Thought This Was Speed Dating, and their rival friends' group name, Norfolk ‘n Chance.

In the first round, Nick confidently provided two of the five answers (both sport-related, Tao feigning shock that he got those), and Charlie aced a science question that asked which letters never show up on the Periodic Table. They missed a geography question as a team, but Tao knew the literature question, earning him a thumbs-up from Isaac when the answers for the first round were announced. The four of them were seated around a high-topped round bar table, the table too high and chairs too close for Nick and Charlie to touch in any way that wasn’t obvious. Charlie soaked in the tiny moments they had, high-fiving when answers were announced, the contact between them far too quick.

The second round was an art round, and Elle shone. Tao looked on proudly as she identified several painting and artists projected by the host’s stand, acing the round. Their table was impressed to see that Norfolk ‘n Chance also aced the round, Danny’s delighted and determined eyes giving him away as the art lover.

The third music was one of Charlie’s favorites, a music-themed round. They had to identify the song in some of them; in others, listen to a show’s theme song and identify the main character. They did okay on that round, and moved into the final, grab-bag round in a respectable fourth place. Tao was suitably impressed when Nick offered up two of the answers, one about the Marvel movies and the other about world religion, to which Tao had raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Nick asked. “I liked that Uni class.”

In the end, they came in third place - and their other friends came in second. The two groups merged back together after the round was over, congratulating each other and comparing who knew which answers. They all stayed for a few minutes later, some fans coming up to the rugby boys to ask for a few last pictures, but largely respecting their space.

James glanced at his phone. “It’s early, still, but…”

“Yeah, training tomorrow,” Seamus finished. “It’ll be a full day; let’s call it a night, lads.” He headed out first, followed by Danny and James, then Isaac. Elle offered Tao a ride home and he gave his most relaxed smile of the night, taking her up on it. Charlie, Nick, and Amy finished their drinks, and Nick got up, twirling his keys around his finger.

“Need a ride, Charlie?” he asked casually.

“Yeah, that would be great,” said Charlie, another smile creeping on his face.

Amy raised an eyebrow and started to say something, but stopped. She said nothing else, but hugged them both goodbye, saying that she’d see them tomorrow. They all walked together to the car park and split apart, Charlie and Nick getting into his car. Once the door was closed, Nick turned to Charlie. “I won’t need to get up until maybe half nine tomorrow. D’you… are you keen to hang out for a little bit?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie, this time not fighting the smile. “I think my flat is a little closer. Want to go there and watch a movie or something?”

“Sounds good,” said Nick. He drove to Charlie’s building and pulled into a visitor spot. They got in the elevator together and leaned against opposite walls, grinning stupidly at each other. They got off at Charlie’s floor, and Nick followed Charlie to his door, making him laugh as he playfully tried to step on the back of Charlie’s shoes in the empty hallway. Nick followed Charlie in, and Charlie fought the urge to push Nick against the door as he closed it, not wanting Nick to think he was only interested in Nick physically. He led them down the tiny hallway to the living room, ready to give Nick the tour.

“This is-" he began, but Nick gently grabbed his wrist and pulled Charlie to face him, drawing him close. Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick and looked up into his face, flecked with freckles.

“God, I’ve wanted to do this for hours,” said Nick, kissing Charlie. Nick’s mouth started as gently as his hands had been on Charlie. Charlie lifted onto his toes to get closer to Nick, to press against his chest, his lips parting and one hand reaching up to land on Nick’s neck. Nick let out a soft, almost silent moan and Charlie was done. Game over.

His hand on Nick’s back gripped his shirt, and he melted deeper into the kiss, pushing his tongue into Nick’s mouth. Nick re-adjusted his stance to accommodate Charlie, widening his feet, his legs slightly open, tucking Charlie closer. Charlie drew back from Nick for a moment to see his pupils huge, eyes intense. Looking at Charlie that way. Looking at him the way Ben had looked at him intensely - but not with the predatory leer Ben had. With…desire? Actual desire?

Desire. Nick put on of his hands on Charlie’s shirt and fisted it, pulling Charlie back to him, drawing their lips together again. After what felt like hours - days? - Charlie caught his breath and drew back enough to point vaguely behind him.

“That’s - the living room. And kitchen.”

Nick nodded, not breaking eye contact, not letting go of Charlie.

“And - bedroom. Over there.”

Nick nodded again, brushing his lips against Charlie’s.

“Mmhm.”

“This is… couch.” Charlie waved a hand right next to them, where they were feet from the couch.

“Should probably sit, yeah? I gotta rest up my legs for practice tomorrow,” said Nick with faux sincerity.

“Safety first,” agreed Charlie.

Nick smiled and pulled Charlie with him as he collapsed back on the couch. Charlie laughed as he fell against Nick, his back bending a little bit as he fell against Nick, front to front.

“Ow,” he said. “I don’t think spines are supposed to move like that.” He got back up, moving to sit next to Nick on the couch. But Nick caught him by the hips before he could move away and Charlie moved closer, straddling Nick’s legs with his knees, chest to chest kneeling on top of Nick’s lap.

“Is this okay?” whispered Nick.

“So okay,” said Charlie, settling onto his knees and wrapping his arms around Nick’s neck. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, very yes,” breathed Nick, pulling Charlie back in, lips searching and seeking for Charlie’s. Charlie groaned quietly, so turned on. As they kissed and ran their hands on each other, both of them got more and more heated. And in this position, there was no hiding…anything. Charlie was wearing skinny jeans that kept everything somewhat restrained, but Nick was in his joggers, their soft fabric not disguising anything. And Nick was very clearly aroused. Charlie kissed Nick, stirring his hips almost imperceptibly. But Nick was attuned to everything Charlie’s body was doing, and moaned as Charlie’s hips brushed a fraction closer. That was - that was not good for Charlie’s stamina. He circled his hips again, a little more this time, and Nick’s fingers tightened and splayed across his back, pressing into his skin.

“Nick…” Charlie whispered, wanting to check in. “Are you…”

“God, yeah,” said Nick, his eyes barely open. He pulled Charlie even closer on his lap, their hips closer, Charlie’s compressed dick nudging against Nick’s. They both gasped at the sensation. Charlie rolled his hips against Nick, raising up a little on his knees and circling as he drew back down, seeking friction. The sounds coming out of Nick were nothing like Charlie could have imagined a few months ago, and Charlie wasn’t any quieter himself. Charlie was so, so turned on from this, and had a moment of doubt. They were dry-humping like a couple of teenagers right now. Was this enough for Nick? Did he expect more, want more - from this, after this?

“Charlie?” said Nick, so tuned in. “You okay?” He loosened his grip on Charlie slightly.

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “Yeah, my god. Sorry, I was just-“

“No sorry,” said Nick. “Not with anything like this. Do you want to stop?”

“No,” said Charlie, a little louder than he meant to. “God, no.”

Be present. Be here. You are here now. Think of three things you see, two things you can touch, one thing you can smell. Charlie saw Nick’s eyes, the barely-there stubble on his cheek, the rumpled neck of his jumper. He felt Nick’s thighs under him, felt Nick’s firm pec under his hand. And he smelled - Nick. The combination of his skin, cologne, and just him. More settled, Charlie smiled at Nick and kissed him again. Charlie drew his hips closer again, and Nick seized him around the waist, pulling him tighter. They clung to each other, and in the tighter space, Charlie ground down against Nick, his cock so hard as it pressed against Nick’s hard length. Charlie felt like he was thirteen and discovering his dick again. He pressed his face against Nick’s neck and gently kissed and licked at the skin there, careful to not leave any marks, keeping his mouth gentle despite how desperate he was to be as close as possible. The sounds Nick made were threatening to send Charlie over the edge, and he breathed as slowly and as controlled as he could.

Nick pulled him impossibly closer, and thrust his hips up against Charlie’s in time with Charlie’s grinding. In just a few minutes, they were gasping into each other’s mouths, all desperation and passion and care. Nick came first, his breath shuddering through him as he made tiny, impossibly hot sounds that sent Charlie over the edge, hips quaking against Nick as he pulsed. After a moment, Nick pulled Charlie as close as possible, pressing Charlie’s chest against his own broad, muscular expanse and running his hands up and down Charlie’s back, making him shiver.

“Mmm,” breathed Charlie as Nick’s hands kept moving. “God… we’re probably a mess. You… d’you want to put anything in the laundry? Although,” he smirked. “That probably means you have to stay until your things are dry.”

Nick’s eyes were closed. “You probably have one of those models that takes like 8 hours to dry stuff, right? Guess I’m stuck here.”

“Oh, 12 hours minimum. And you can’t leave here with no joggers or pants. What’s that called, Winnie-the-Pooh style?”

“Can’t have Badger bollocks out. Very illegal.”

Charlie snorted. “I’ll get you some shorts.” He took Nick’s hand and led him to his bedroom. Nick looked around, peering at his books and pictures, looking appreciatively at his electronic drum kit. He handed Nick his largest, stretchiest pair of mesh shorts. “I’ll just get ready for bed,” he said, taking some clothes and heading to the toilet. “I’ll leave out a toothbrush for you; I have an extra.” He wasn’t quite ready to get undressed in front of Nick, wasn’t quite ready to talk about it either.

A few minutes later, they were both in bed, laundry started.

Nick turned off the light and got into bed next to Charlie. He lay there in silence for a moment, and as it stretched, Charlie became a little anxious. Was - did Nick regret what they did? Was he embarrassed? Was it too juvenile?

Nick started to speak, stopped. “Charlie…” he started. “That… this was the first time I ever - uh, with a…”

And suddenly Charlie understood. He kept his voice gentle. “Was that your first time ever - with a boy? A guy?”

He could almost hear the blush in Nick’s voice. “Yeah.”

“How are - did it feel okay? Do you feel okay now?”

Nick looked at him and let out a little dumbfounded laugh. “Charlie… I almost lost my mind. I - god. That was incredible.” He sobered a little. “But…I just - I wanted you to know that. And that I… I might not know what I’m doing.” He looked at Charlie, whose heart swelled with tenderness.

“That’s okay, Nick. That’s so okay. I… I’m still new to a lot of stuff, honestly. I mean, I had a few flings in Uni, but I’ve never really been out. And Ben-“

Nick scowled, his anger clear even in the darkness. “Ben.”

“Ben… Ben was only interested in, uh, receiving. And still not anything that was ‘too gay’.”

Nick snorted.

“So… we can help each other. And just do… whatever feels good for us,” said Charlie.

Nick surged forward and kissed Charlie, softer than Charlie expected. “For us,” he said.

Chapter Text

Charlie got to the stadium on the early side the next day. Nick had left sooner than either of them wanted so he could go home, shower, change, and eat before training. After Nick was gone, Charlie had laid down once more on his bed, pushing his face into the pillow that Nick slept on and breathing in his scent. Maybe it was weird, but it was so comforting, so grounding to remind himself that this was real, Nick was real, and Nick had really been in Charlie’s bed. Had wanted to be in Charlie’s bed. After a minute, he pushed himself up and hurried through a quick shower, needing to get to the PT room to go through player notes with Amy.

Charlie walked into the PT room to find Amy already sitting on a stool poring over notes. She greeted him with a smile and handed him a coffee from the team kitchen, a nicety they’d established - that whoever was there first got the hot drinks. They had only a few minutes before they each had some time scheduled with players and sat shoulder to shoulder comparing notes from the team doctor and each other and making adaptations to treatment plans. The two of them stayed busy for a full three hours, with player check-ins ranging from 20 minutes to 45, stacked back to back. They heard the loud chatter of the team coming back from the pitch, and Charlie could picture Nick coming in, tips of his ears and nose red from the cold. He’d be smiling, gesturing to Seamus or Wilco or Danny. Charlie couldn’t tell whose voice was who in the din and through the thick wooden door, but he imagined that Nick was walking by, looking at the PT door and knowing Charlie was there. 

“So, heat? Or ice?” Crotty was asking. 

Charlie started. He wasn’t sure how long Crotty, a reserve fly-half, had been talking. “Um. Oh, ice. With that inflammation, we’ll start with ice only for the first 48 or so hours, then we’ll check in each day and incorporate some heat, too.” Will had seemingly strained his calf in practice, though not badly. “RICE, the usual. We’ll check it again tomorrow. I’ll talk to Coach today to let him know where you stand.”

Crotty (who was called almost exclusively by his last name) nodded and took the Ace bandages Charlie gave him. “Thanks, Charlie. See ya, Ames.” Crotty headed out of the PT room and closed the door behind him. 

Charlie sat back down to finish his notes and prepare for his and Amy’s meeting with Coach Singh and the team doctor to go over everyone’s status. He looked around when he noticed Amy wasn’t writing or organizing or in motion like she always was. She was looking near him, but not exactly at him, her foot bouncing a little on the edge of her stool. When she looked at him and saw his eyes on her face, she blushed a little, caught. She looked quickly at her phone and then set it down, turning fully to face Charlie. 

“Charlie,” she said. “I…was thinking about last night. After trivia, I mean. I noticed that Elle got a ride with Tao again.”

“Yeah,” Charlie said. He had filled her in on his conversation with Elle a few weeks earlier and she had shared a similar one the two of them had, as well. “And I didn’t get a chance to tell you, he had the soppiest look on his face when she destroyed that art round last night.”

“Oh my god, I wish I had seen that,” said Amy. “Soppy and Tao aren’t two things I would picture overlapping on a Venn diagram, but if anyone can squeeze softness out of that big stone pillar, it’d be Elle.” She paused. “But yeah, I mean, I’ve noticed that Elle is hanging out with Tao. A lot.” She looked at Charlie. “And getting rides home with him and stuff. And I mean, of course, people are friends, too, and friends can hang out a lot and give rides home.” She stopped, glancing up for a moment as if to gather her words. “It’s gotten me thinking…I’m wondering if they - Elle and Tao - are dating, and maybe just not telling people yet. And if they were - if they are dating - I would imagine that there would be really good reasons that they wouldn’t want to tell their friends.”

Charlie looked carefully at Amy. She was looking at him directly but her eyes were still kind. “Yeah?” he said, not wanting to shut her down but treading cautiously. 

“Yeah,” she said. “And I ended up thinking a lot about it last night. I started thinking about what I would say to Elle if she was dating Tao and didn’t want anyone to know right now. I’d tell her that I support her and love her so much, and I just want her to be with someone who makes her happy. And from what I’ve seen, it looks like he definitely makes her happy. I’d tell her that I was a little surprised that she hadn’t told her friends, but then again, there would be reasons to not. Like, them both working for the same team,” she continued. “And - and reasons that I’d never have to come up against as a cis and hetero person. Reasons that shouldn’t be a factor, but are. And that…working for a sports team, there could be more attention on a relationship than anyone else would ever have to deal with.”

Charlie’s stomach was knotted up as Amy spoke, now averting his eyes. 

“I was also thinking that Elle probably wouldn’t tell us if who she was dating wasn’t ready to tell people that they were dating. For any reason. And Elle is so thoughtful and caring that even if she wanted to talk about it with anyone, she’d protect that person and never share anything about them that they weren’t ready to share themselves. She’d protect - Tao.” Amy’s voice was soft.

Charlie looked back up at her, and was surprised to find that her eyes looked a little watery. She had grown up with four brothers and was normally the one less prone to emotion between the two of them. Charlie took a breath, and then put his hand on top of hers on the table they were sharing. Fucking Amy. He loved her so much. 

She looked at him. “I’d tell her that I wouldn’t expect her to confirm or deny anything, because it’s her business and not mine. And that while I’d love to know more…and be there for her…I know I can still be there by letting her know that I support her, even if she can’t talk about it yet. And that I’ll always be there when she’s ready to be public about it. Whenever Tao is, too.” She took another breath. “And that again, while I can’t understand everything because I’ve never had to face the bullshit that she has, I hope she feels like the people in her life are mostly really good people. And while it would be a change for everyone, I genuinely hope and think that most people would be supportive.”

Charlie’s stomach had been unclenching as Amy spoke. His chest was tight with love and appreciation and yes, some nerves. She knew, or at least she had a good idea what was going on. But Charlie would literally trust her with his life. He knocked his shoulder against hers, their hands still overlapping. 

“I think Elle would really appreciate that,” said Charlie. “I bet she’d tell you that she’s amazed that she has a friend like you. And that everything you said sounds about right.” He paused and snorted, thinking about how this conversation started. “And I think she’d ask if you had written out how you wanted to have that conversation on your phone on your notes app?” He playfully reached for it.

Amy laughed and swatted his hand away. “Maybe I wanted to get it right, okay?” she said, amused. “I didn’t want…Elle to get freaked out. Oh, and I forgot one other thing I’d tell Elle. I’d remind her that the PT room is a shared space and that while I’ll always still knock, I’d rather not walk in and see any unexpected pen-”

“Oh my god, shut up Amy,” groaned Charlie, dropping her hand and shoving his face into his arms. 

She laughed, and Charlie felt lighter, a weight lifted.

-

They were playing the Bears the following day, and this time the team dinner was in a smaller space, so team staff didn’t attend. Nick had sent Charlie a series of messages, saying that he would miss him at dinner. Charlie looked at Nick’s words, his chest warm, imagining Nick saying them out loud. Charlie sent back a few messages and dropped into his bed, thinking about the day. Should he tell Nick what Amy had said? Or would that make him too anxious; make Nick worry that already there was someone who knew. He decided against it for now, wanting to give Nick space to just feel and experience and be in whatever…whatever this thing they had going on was. Charlie had just placed his phone face-down and dropped off to sleep when his phone got one more message.

@nicholaszzzzzz: Going to bed. Wish you were here with me - I’m not going to sleep as well without you ❤️. See you tomorrow xxx

If he didn’t have Nick in his bed, this was the next best thing to wake up to.

Charlie and Amy got to the stadium early as normal for the game, meeting with the Coaches and team doctor and having a few smaller check-ins with the starting and reserve players. Once all appointments were done, they went into the locker room to touch base with everyone and do a few last-minute touches, taping joints and applying KT tape. When he walked in, Charlie saw Nick’s eyes meet his immediately, like he had been looking at the door waiting for Charlie to walk in. Charlie met his gaze and an uncontrollable smile crept across his face, the same happening to Nick’s. Charlie reluctantly broke off eye contact first and went around the locker room to his players for their last-minute checks. 

About ten minutes before they’d go out on the field, Amy had pulled Will to the workout room for a couple stretches and Charlie was organizing their medi-kits when he felt someone behind him.

“Hey, do you mind taking a quick look at my calf?” asked Nick, in an admirably-normal sounding voice. “Nothing big, just want to look at it quickly before the game.”

“Sure,” said Charlie, fighting to keep his voice as even as Nick’s. This wasn’t being careful, he thought. 

He followed Nick to the PT room, shutting the door behind them. Immediately, Nick was in front of him, pressing Charlie back against the door with his chest, his hands on Charlie’s biceps.

“Hi,” said Charlie, a little breathless. 

“Hi,” said Nick, close to his face. “I just needed some good luck before the game.”

Charlie nodded. “For the team, yeah?”

“For the team,” Nick confirmed, and then his lips were on Charlie’s. As Nick kissed him and opened his mouth slightly, Charlie reached one hand around Nick’s back and twined the other up in his hair, behind his head. It was only a minute, but a blissful minute, and Nick pulled back with a sigh. 

“We should probably stop there,” said Nick with a smirk. “Or else I’ll be a fly-half who’s half-”

“-don’t say it,” said Charlie, laughing. “But I’m glad we could do this. For the team, you know.” He paused, pretending to consider. “Reckon I should do this for the rest of the boys, too, to maximize our luck?”

Nick gave a little growl and nuzzled into Charlie’s neck before giving him one more quick kiss. “No,” he whispered against Charlie’s lips. “Just for me.”

Charlie’s stomach leapt as he smiled and took a deep, steadying breath. Nick checked his hair in the mirror to ensure nothing was obvious. As they headed back into the locker room, Seamus asked about Nick’s calf and Charlie said it was nothing, just a cramp, and that Nick just needed to make sure to do his pre-match stretches fully. Seamus smiled and punched Nick on the shoulder, and the two of them circled up with Wilco for a last-minute discussion before Coach Croft’s speech.

They took the field to a stadium of nearly 18,000 fans. As Bristol was further away from some of their other opponents, the crowd was almost all Badgers fans, clad in blue and gold. The roar of the crowd filled Charlie’s chest as he and Amy jogged out after the players, and he took a moment to imagine how intense this must feel for the players themselves. So many eyes on them, so many people’s emotions tangled in what they did on the field. Charlie watched the warm-ups before the match, working hard to keep his eyes scanning across the field instead of just focusing on Nick. 

The Bears kicked off the ball, and the Badgers received it deep. The Badgers started with a long phase that ended with a slow ruck, and after an eventual line-out, the Badgers midfield moved the ball well. A scrum a few phases later dragged on with several resets, and the first half continued in largely the same way, long grinding pushes with no payoff. Finally, a penalty against the Bears gave Harry a chance for a penalty, which he converted, pushing the Badgers up 3-0. For another twenty minutes the match continued at this nearly-stalemate, until finally a Bears player pushed through a tackle and was nearly at the line before Nick caught him from behind. Unfortunately, another Bears player was on his heels and Lunker was just a bit too slow to catch the carrier, resulting in a Bears’ try to put the game to 7-3 after the conversion.

The Badgers circled up quickly and Charlie could just make out Wilco pointing at various players, likely providing a stern but effective dressing-down. After receiving the kick off, the Badgers looked better, moving faster and with more communication than they had before. Another penalty on the right side of the field against the Bears gave an opportunity for a penalty - but James unfortunately tugged it just right, sailing outside of posts. Charlie watched Danny jog over to James and put his hand on his back, leaning in to say something. James nodded, and before not long, the whistle was blown for the half. 

The locker room was at attention as Coach Croft drew plays on the whiteboard and Coach Singh pulled the front and second rows. Charlie, looking when he could, saw Nick nodding intently and subconsciously tracing plays on his hand as Coach Croft spoke. Before the half, Wilco turned and spoke to the team, emphasizing that this was their fixture, this was their game. He pointed to each of the starters and gave them each a word of praise, as well as a challenge for the second half. The locker room broke apart with yells and Charlie couldn’t help but watch the determined, focused look on Nick’s face. He was so present when he was playing, completely out of his head and in the moment. It was lovely to watch.

The Badgers came out more aggressive in the second half, getting the ball almost immediately on an offsides call against the Bears. Wilco broke from the back of the scrum and worked his way up the field with Danny and James, a running-heavy phase that ended with Nick pitching the ball to Wilco, who reached for the try. The Badgers were up 10-7 after their conversion, as was their confidence. Still, the rest of the game was a slog, the only other points coming from a penalty kick each, the fixture ending at 13-10. 

When they players re-entered the locker room, they were sweaty, tired, and a combination of jubilant and frustrated. It had been a grind of a game, but with that result, they were now third in the premiership table, a much better place than they had been last season.  

Wilco got the team’s attention by banging his boot against one of the pipes in the locker room. “Boys! I know it was a tough one, but we’ve won, and we’re in third.” There was a round of yelling. “Team celebration tonight at The View. First round’s on your captain!” There were cheers. “Sorry,” said Wilco. “Meant assistant captain. Thanks for the shout, Seamus!” Seamus’s protests were met with laughing players mussing up his hair and jersey, and Charlie laughed along.

Charlie was turning to go back to the PT room to clean up, purposefully drifting to the side of the room that would take him past Nick’s stall. Nick looked up as he passed. “Will it be Springtime in The View tonight?” he asked, his eyes alight. 

“I ‘spose,” said Charlie, schooling his face to fight his grin. “See you there?”

“See ya there, doc,” said Nick, reaching up to clap Charlie’s shoulder in a laddish way, fingers only lingering a millisecond longer than it would have with someone else. 

-

The View was an upscale bar and club in the City Center with a heated and partially covered rooftop as one of the levels. The team regularly had post-game parties there, as the venue was eager to reserve the rooftop for them in exchange for the massive crowd that their presence attracted to the bar. When Charlie arrived, having taken the bus, he gave his name to the bouncer and got his wristband which admitted him to the rooftop with the team, staff, and the various people the team had invited. 

The team was already there in their post-game suits, and Charlie almost swooned like a Victorian woman of yore when he caught a glimpse of Nick, holding a pint and talking to some of the reserve forwards. Charlie took in his broad shoulders and arms that pressed against his jacket sleeves, but found he was even more distracted by Nick’s large, muscular thighs. Charlie already knew he was head over heels for Nick’s strong rugby arms as he (privately) called them, but seeing his quads fill out his dark blue trousers made Charlie feel a little uncomfortably hot. Nick’s white button down shirt was open a little, and Charlie could see a tiny bit of hair poking out. He had seen Nick much more undressed often in the locker room, but that was different. In the locker room, Nick’s body hadn’t been - and still wasn’t - a body with a sexual intent, not like Nick had been the other night at his flat. And hopefully, would be tonight. But now - Charlie could look at him with a new view. Charlie dragged his eyes away from Nick, who hadn’t caught sight of him yet; Charlie largely hidden behind the crowd. He took a moment to check his own outfit: black, slim-fit jeans and a maroon button down shirt that he liked but rarely had opportunity to wear. 

Charlie went to the bar to get a vodka tonic and turned around to survey who was there, wanting to not immediately magnetize to Nick. He saw Amy, chatting up some man that Charlie didn’t know. Maybe a brother or a friend of a player? He was attractive, and Amy had her body turned towards him, face turned up. She was comfortable being dismissive when she wasn’t interested, so the fact that she was attentive seemed like she might actually want to keep chatting. Charlie was glad; Amy hadn’t dated since Caden, dick that he had been. 

“All right, Spring?” Charlie turned to his other side to see Seamus at his elbow, leaning on the bar. The bartender approached, and Seamus asked Charlie what he wanted. 

“Vodka tonic, please,” said Charlie, taking out his card, which Seamus waved off. 

“Nah, you heard the captain”, said Seamus with a good-natured roll of his eyes. “It’s my shout.”

“Thanks,” said Charlie. “Is Kate here too then?”

“Not yet,” said Seamus. “She went to a bar with some girls first and then they’re all headed this way.” He glanced around, following Charlie’s gaze to Amy. “Oi, who’s that?”

“Dunno,” said Charlie. “I actually just got here myself.”

Seamus took a drink of his bourbon. “Reckon she needs an escape route? I love playing the ‘overbearing rugby player stepping in’ role.”

Charlie laughed. “No, I think she’s good. You’ve seen her reject guys before. She seems kinda into it.”

Seamus’s eyebrows constricted for a second. “Well, you’d know better than me,” he said, with a shrug, but Charlie noticed his eyes dart over a few more times. They chatted about the game and the trivia night the other evening, Seamus complimenting Charlie’s knowledge and friends. He mentioned that Isaac had recommended a book to him that he was enjoying, often listening to audiobooks on the bus. That surprised Charlie; he had always assumed Seamus (and the others) listened to music. 

The rooftop kept filling up, and Charlie eventually excused himself away from Seamus, who had been joined by Fitzy and Will and James. Charlie made his way back to the bar with the idea of getting another drink and finding Nick when he felt a shoulder nudge against his.

“Buy you a drink?” asked Nick, with a broad smile. 

“No,” said Charlie. “It’s my shout. Get whatever you want. Just keep it under 50p.”

Nick laughed and ordered them each a drink, remembering Charlie’s order from trivia. He handed Charlie his drink and leaned a little closer to his ear, using the loud atmosphere as effective cover to get closer.

“If either of us gets pulled away…would you want to come round mine tonight?” asked Nick.

Charlie’s heart quickened. “Yeah - definitely,” he said, trying not to sound too eager. 

“Good,” murmured Nick. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the PT room this morning.”

Charlie blushed, just a little. “Me neither,” he admitted. Nick pulled back and gave a smile. It was a little hard to see Nick, to see him looking so sinfully good in his suit, and not be able to sidle up against him, run a hand down his arm, or kiss him. 

They stood a little away from the bar chatting, others joining in and drifting away over the next few minutes. At one point they were joined by Lunker and his girlfriend, a tall, powerfully built woman that Charlie really liked. Charlie felt a little bit of jealousy watching her arm tuck behind Lunker’s back, and Lunker dropping down to give her a quick kiss at one point. He wished he could do the same with Nick. The other rugby lads chirped him a little, of course, but it was all in good fun and with affection. 

As Charlie laughed and talked with Nick and those around them, he noticed how many people had come in. How many girls. Seamus’s girlfriend Kate had shown up, already quite drunk, with a gaggle of women in tow. Now two of her girlfriends were coming up to Danny, Nick, James, Charlie, and Amy, who had drifted away from the man she was talking to earlier. 

The women were tipsy and giggly, and completely ignored Charlie and Amy to fawn over Danny and Nick, complimenting their game from earlier and asking them question after question. James, standing a little further back, seemingly escaped their attention as well. Danny seemed relaxed, making jokes and laughing when the woman talking to him snapped right back. Charlie saw James’s eyes flick over before he sidled away to talk to someone else, seeming to gauge Danny’s interest in continuing the conversation. The woman talking to Nick, a pretty brunette, seemed to work as a hunting lioness, taking tiny steps towards Nick, who was backing away a miniscule amount each time. Nick was unerringly polite, Charlie knew. He was kind to the woman but offered only short answers to her questions or attempted to incorporate Charlie or Amy into the conversation. Charlie wasn’t sure how to rescue Nick from this, despite Nick occasionally throwing him glances. He felt a little powerless - knowing Nick didn’t want this and him definitely not wanting to see this. But he didn’t know how to extricate Nick without raising questions. Charlie saw the woman reach over and run her hand down Nick’s forearm, squeezing it and saying something. Charlie felt a stab of - what? Annoyance, frustration, anger…it was a mix of all of that. This woman, a stranger, could touch Nick like that with no eyebrows raised while he, someone who knew Nick for months, couldn’t. Amy caught his eye and looked at the scene in front of her. She looked at the woman touching Nick and scowled, cottoning on immediately.  

“Hey, Nick,” she called, taking a large step over to him and grabbing him by the other arm. The brunette woman released Nick, looking irritated. “Elle reminded me that I needed to get a picture of the captains tonight since she couldn’t make it. C’mon, I’m leaving soon - let’s find Seamus and Wilco.” She half-dragged him away, Charlie almost laughing at the affronted look on the woman’s face despite how anxious he still felt. He followed in their wake, just able to hear Nick thanking Amy for her help. 

Amy shook her head. “I hate the idea of anyone touching someone without their permission,” she sniffed. “It’s no better when a woman does it to a man than the opposite way. Now, let’s all get lost on the other side of the rooftop, yeah?”

As they walked away, Charlie asked Amy about the guy she had been talking to earlier. “Oh, he was nice, but seemed a little dull. Not really my type, I think.”

The three of them wormed their way into the crowd and headed deeper into the throng of players and families, away from the bar-goers that had ended up on the patio somehow, invited by a player or snuck in by a guest. The three of them joined in a few rounds of drinking games, but Charlie intentionally nursed his drink, noting that Nick was doing the same. He wanted to stay at least somewhat sober and actually be present, be there when he went to Nick’s. Nick and Charlie stayed in the same bubble the rest of the evening. Even though they didn’t have solo time together, they were always in the same conversation and crowd, and Charlie was warmed by the knowledge that they’d spend the evening afterwards together. They laughed and talked and spent time with the team - their team. It was feeling more and more that way for Charlie - like he actually was a part of the team. Nick excused himself to the toilet a few minutes later, and Charlie’s pocket buzzed with a message.

Want to make an excuse and head out? I’ll order each of us an Uber…

Charlie smiled and typed back.

finally 😏

A few texts later and they coordinated an exit, staggered a few minutes from each other. Nick had ordered them separate Ubers (the whole cloak and dagger of it a little ridiculous), even though most of the team probably would have been too drunk to notice them leaving together. Charlie’s car arrived a few minutes after Nick’s, and he saw Nick’s bulk rise off the stairs as his Uber left, wrapping him tightly and burying his face in Charlie’s neck on the empty street. 

Charlie smiled into Nick’s hair. “What are you doing?”

“Recharging,” said Nick, and Charlie melted again. 

They went inside and as soon as the door was shut, Charlie took Nick’s suit jacket lapels and pulled him close, finally kissing him like he had wanted to since even before the game. He ran his hands across Nick’s back, and then one hand down his arm, squeezing his bicep. Nick sighed into the kiss and ran his tongue along Charlie’s and gently across the roof of his mouth. That shouldn’t have been as much of a turn-on as it was. Charlie felt his whole body slacken a little, the frustration of not being able to touch Nick at the bar flowing away into this relief. This desire. Nick gave him one more deep kiss before pulling back.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Charlie,” he said, looking into Charlie’s eyes. “I am also so, so… hungry.”

Charlie laughed, totally not expecting that. “Oh, I bet! You only burned about fifty thousand calories today.”

“I’ve got some stuff upstairs,” said Nick. He took and hung up Charlie’s coat and his own suit jacket before holding out his hand for Charlie to follow him up. When they got to the kitchen, Nick began pulling things out of the fridge - bread, cheese, turkey, toppings. He put out two plates, and then hesitated for a moment. 

“Charlie?” he asked. 

Charlie turned from where he was toeing off his shoes. “Mm?”

“I wanted to ask - you said a while ago that you had, uh, had experienced anorexia before. I - like, is there a right way or wrong way to share food like this? Like - is this - should I…what’s comfortable for you with eating?”

Charlie was silent for a moment, completely overwhelmed by the idea that Nick had remembered this and was thinking of Charlie, so aware of him. Nick, though, was seemingly taking his silence as offense and backtracking.

“Ahh, I mean - we also don’t need to talk about this! I read some stuff online that it’s good to communicate about meal times even after-” Nick’s ears had gone a little red.

Charlie cut him off, moving in front of Nick and placing his hands on his chest. “Nick. You thoughtful, giant rugby lad. Thank you. I really, really appreciate you asking and checking in. I mean, I think it varies a lot for people, how they handle meal times. For me, it’s having things I can choose from, and having some idea around what food options there will be if I’m going out. It’s also not commenting on how much I eat, at least again for me.” He thought for a moment. “I also like having something to do after meals, so there’s an end to the meal time and something to transition to afterwards.”

Nick nodded, taking this all in. “There’s also plenty of other stuff in the fridge if you want to take a look. Do you - do you want a plate at all?”

Charlie considered for a moment, checking in with his body. Now that he was out of his head, out of the loud crowd, he could recognize that his body was hungry. “I would,” he said, with a small smile. Nick smiled back and they started to fix their plates, Charlie making a half sandwich and Nick making a monstrosity. 

As they finished eating, Nick looked at Charlie and raised an eyebrow. “Helps to have something to do afterwards, you said, right?” Charlie nodded and looked at him, mouth full. “I have an idea about that,” said Nick, with an exaggerated wink. “Something we can do after…”

Charlie laughed. “Nick Nelson - are you propositioning me?”

Nick got up and walked behind Charlie, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and across his collarbones. “Fuck yes I am,” he said against Charlie’s ear, and all of the hairs on Charlie’s arms stood up. He pulled Charlie up, who rose and turned to face Nick, his face tilted up. Nick kissed him again, and then without warning, scooped Charlie up in his arms, carrying him bridal style. Charlie squawked in laughing protest, and Nick was laughing too as he carried Charlie up the stairs, Charlie’s arms wrapped around Nick’s neck.

“Don’t you dare drop me,” Charlie warned Nick through his laughter. 

Nick smiled at Charlie. “Never.”

Nick deposited Charlie on his bed, letting himself fall on the bed himself next to Charlie, one arm still draped around Charlie’s waist. Charlie snuggled into Nick’s chest for a moment, and then remembered where he was. Nick’s room. Which he had only seen briefly the first time he was at Nick’s, the day they had gone for that walk in the snow. 

“Oh!” said Charlie, scrambling up and ignoring Nick’s soft, comical noooo. “I have to investigate. I’m in Nick Nelson’s bedroom.” He scoped around the large main bedroom. It was still fairly stark beyond some ambiguous inoffensive art, a yoga mat rolled out on the floor, and Nick’s basic but nice furniture. Charlie beelined over to Nick’s dresser to look at his pictures. There were framed pictures of Nellie, a picture of Nick and his mum, a very old family picture of his parents and brother. 

“Not much for decoration, hmm?” asked Charlie, still looking at the pictures. 

“No…” said Nick, propped up on an elbow watching him. It should have been illegal to look like he did in his dress trousers and white button-down shirt, the top few buttons undone. “I’ve been in and out of so many places with teams and transfers and different flats that I never really set much up.”

“That makes sense,” said Charlie, coming back to the bed and sitting down in front of Nick, turning his head to look at him. “I guess that’s kind of the norm for professional sport.” He thought for a moment of the players that he had seen come in and out to trades, drafts, and retirements. He couldn’t imagine the team changing, not now. And the idea of Nick being traded made him squirm to even think about. But that wasn’t now. Nick was here now. With Charlie.

“Yeah,” said Nick. “Nothing’s really felt…permanent? You know?” Charlie laid down and turned around so he was also on an elbow, looking at Nick. “But this team - I know I’ve said it before, but this team feels so different. All the boys… care. Like, I feel like I’ve had more actual conversations with teammates in the four months than I did last year. Not that my other teams had assholes or anything, but, I dunno, it just feels different here. Better.” He paused. “My dad didn’t want me to play for the Badgers.”

“Why not?” asked Charlie. 

“Well, because we weren’t good last year,” said Nick frankly. “Near bottom of the table. He said it was embarrassing to get traded to a team that didn’t even qualify for the Champion’s Cup last year.” He laughed, a little clipped. “David said it was good, though, that maybe I’d finally ‘shine’ on a shit team.”

Charlie reached out and touched Nick’s face, stroking his thumb along Nick’s cheekbone. He tried to control his reaction, even though he was furious. How the fuck could someone talk like that to Nick, who was kind and earnest and…honestly, like a human golden retriever. “Nick,” he started, not even sure what to say. “That’s - I hope you know that’s complete bollocks. All of that. And not just what they said about this. Just, like - how it sounds like they talk to you in general.” He paused, collecting his thought, not wanting to push. “Have you ever wanted to talk to Lucy?” Lucy was their team sport psychologist, and Charlie knew a lot of the players saw her, and really liked her. 

Nick rolled on his back, pulling Charlie so that he was across Nick’s chest. “No…” he trailed off. Charlie waited. “I haven’t. Not yet.”

“Did you ever see anyone on your other teams?”

“I didn’t. I always - like, growing up, I always felt like things made sense. I liked rugby, I was good at rugby, I played rugby. And maybe I just - wasn’t bothered by what people thought about my play. At least, not like, fans. People outside my family. And I never really noticed it bothering me until lately. But I guess it crept up?” said Nick, stroking Charlie’s hair. 

“Would…you ever want to talk to Lucy?” asked Charlie. “I know you’ve mentioned the family stuff. And then, like, stuff with…” he trailed off, not wanting to say “us”, unsure if it was presumptuous to assume an “us” quite yet. 

“Being queer?” asked Nick. “Yeah. No…yeah.” He swallowed. “I’ll think about it, Charlie. I definitely will. I know you mentioned how much it helped you.”

“It did,” said Charlie. “It didn’t make everything perfect, but god, it helped a lot.” It felt a little easier to talk about this stuff with his head on Nick’s chest, with no pressure to make eye contact. 

“What’s still hard?” asked Nick, now scratching Charlie’s scalp. “If - you want to tell me.”

Charlie closed his eyes, lost in Nick’s fingers. “Mm. Well, like a lot of the food stuff is a lot easier. But with the anorexia is a lot of anxiety. And that for me is a lot of self-talk, negative self-talk. It’s like - one therapist suggested I think of it ‘what is the anorexia telling you about yourself?’. So, it’s like - I have some negative thoughts about myself, sometimes. But framing it like that helps; it makes me feel like I can think differently of myself than the anxiety tells me to think, you know? It’s so much better than it used to be. But some stuff is still harder - like…like I don’t always feel good about my body.”

Nick’s fingers stopped for a moment. “No?” he asked.

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “And that’s…that’s part the anorexia and anxiety telling me things, like lies or whatever, Geoff would say. But also - things got really bad in secondary, when my parents didn’t know how to actually support me, or themselves honestly. And before therapy and stuff.” He hadn’t been sure if he was ready to share all of what had happened in secondary with Nick, but Nick hadn’t pulled away from anything he’d told him so far, had been kind and lovely. He hadn’t been judgmental. “When it was at its worst, I uh, self-harmed. And still have some scars. So it’s a combination of both - and the two kinda, merge? Like, I can tell myself it’s the anorexia or anxiety telling me something, but then I can see the scars, so then it’s like, no, you actually did that to yourself. Like, a cycle of it, on the not good days.” He took a breath, comforted that Nick was holding him a little tighter, fingers moving again. “So, yeah - those are the things that still come up for me, sometimes. But, like, a lot less. So much less. And I also have so many ways of dealing with the anxiety and eating now.” He paused, reflecting. “Even this - being able to talk about this. And not be ashamed about talking about it. I never would have been able to do that had I not gone to therapy.”

Charlie felt Nick lift his head to kiss Charlie’s curls. Nick removed his hand from his hair and wrapped it around Charlie, snuggling him close. “Thanks for telling me that, Charlie,” said Nick. “That you went through all that and are still so good and kind and so caring about everyone around you…you’re amazing, Char.”

Charlie lifted his head and twisted his neck to look at Nick, goofy and incredulous. “Char?” he repeated, a smile on his face.

Nick blushed and closed his eyes. “Uh. Wow, that just slipped out.”

“Oh my god, say it again!”

“No…” Nick protested, laughing.

“Go on! I like it. It’s cute.”

“Well now I’m never saying it again,” said Nick, burying his face back in Charlie’s head. 

They laid like that for a minute before Charlie worked his neck around again to face Nick. “Maybe…I can convince you to say it again?” He leaned up on his elbow again, kissing Nick. Their mouths started soft, but heated up quickly. Hands pressed against muscle on both of their bodies, and Charlie traced his fingers around the hair poking out from the opening of Nick’s shirt. Nick grabbed the back of Charlie’s head and pulled him even closer, pressing Charlie’s lips closer with urgency. Charlie hooked his leg over Nick’s thigh and heard Nick groan softly. Charlie wanted to feel Nick, to feel more of Nick. His fingers toyed with the button at the top of Nick’s shirt, unsure about how or where to go next, what was too much. 

He pulled back enough from Nick’s face, but was unable to resist one last quick kiss to Nick’s lips. “I know we both…we talked about this being new for you. Honestly, this is kind of new for me, too. I mean, in Uni…I was drunk most of those times. It felt…so scary then. And drinking helped to make it feel easier.”

Nick’s face relaxed a little at this. He must have been wondering the same thing. This was the first time they had been together on a bed, with temperatures rising, with the possibility of whatever they wanted. Not hiding anything like they had in the hotel room.

“Yeah,” whispered Nick, voice a little hoarse. He cleared his throat. “I also - I know you’re not saying this, but I want you to know. I’m not drunk right now. I didn’t want to drink a lot tonight - I don’t want you to think this is just some experiment for me. I really like you…Char.” He punctuated that last sentence with a wink that made Charlie laugh. 

“I like you, too,” whispered Charlie back. 

“So, uh, tonight,” Nick started. “I know you said you’re not always comfortable with your body. Which, honestly, Charlie - I truly think you’re beautiful.” He looked directly at Charlie, whose whole body was suddenly on fire, his blood coursing through his veins. Nick saved him a response by continuing. “But, like…what if tonight we kept clothes on? Does that feel okay?”

God, Charlie felt so loved. Not that Nick loved him, necessarily, but Nick was loving, and Charlie couldn’t believe he got to be in this incredible man’s orbit. “That sounds good,” he said, smiling into Nick’s face. “I mean…if you wanted to take your shirt off, though…”

Nick laughed. “I am literally always willing to lose my shirt.” He looked at Charlie. “I seriously don’t mean this as a come-on, but would you mind if I lost my trousers? Pants still on. I just…these suit trousers are not super comfortable.”

“Oh god, of course,” said Charlie. “I actually - might do the same. Just trousers for me, I mean.”

Time seemed to stop for a moment, the two of them grinning like idiots at each other. Then it broke, Charlie rising back up to kiss Nick, letting it heat up more this time. Now, he felt confident with his fingers on Nick’s buttons, slowly opening a button at a time and letting his hands explore Nick’s chest. Nick ran his hands up and down Charlie’s back and sides, under his shirt but never removing it, making Charlie shiver with pleasure. Once Nick’s shirt was fully unbuttoned, Charlie looked at him and just - took him in. Nick’s abdomen was a range of muscle, honed from workouts and nearly all healthy eating, with the exception of a few cheat meals. Charlie kissed him again and shifted his hips to be a little more on top of Nick’s, eliciting a moan from both of them. 

Nick was pressed back into his pillows, eyes closed against Charlie’s hands and mouth. Charlie drew his hips up, against Nick’s massive, strong quad, and felt his dick pressing against his jeans, which were by now frustratingly tight. He could see that Nick, again in looser trousers than him, was in an equal state. Charlie slowly dropped his hand down to Nick’s belt and looked at him, needing confirmation that it was still okay to take them off. Nick uttered a breathless yes, and Charlie unbuckled his belt and helped slide his trousers off. Before Charlie could fully comprehend what was before him, hidden only under boxers, Nick had his hand on Charlie’s jeans button. 

“Can I?” asked Nick, hand paused. 

“Yes,” whispered Charlie, a thrill shooting through his belly as Nick pulled the zipper down, so close to where he was straining. He had to take over getting his trousers off, he and Nick laughing a little with the valiant struggle that the skinny jeans put up. Once that was done, Nick lay back and Charlie turned on his side again. He drank in Nick’s body in front of him. Socks on his feet, muscled legs, an impossibly defined, freckled chest…and Nick’s dick, clearly outlined against his boxers. Charlie could see that Nick was large - maybe not porn-length long, but thick. Charlie’s breath caught a little as he tried to take all of this in, this new intimacy. Nick’s eyes were roving his body, but Charlie felt safe. Nick looked appreciative, enthusiastic…he looked like he actually desired Charlie. 

“C’mere,” Nick said huskily, pulling Charlie’s mouth back to him and moving Charlie so his leg was again slung across one of Nick’s, their hips closer together. They kissed, and it was somehow even more heightened than it was before, with more skin touching and the knowledge that their hands could reach out and touch - that it might be okay to touch. As they kissed, Charlie slid his hand down Nick’s chest to his side, running his fingers along the V of Nick’s lower abdomen above his boxers. Nick’s breath was uneven and ragged as Charlie traced his fingers close to his waistband. 

“Is this all right?” asked Charlie. 

“Yes, so alright,” groaned Nick. “Will you…can…will you please…” He took Charlie’s wrist and gently guided his hand lower, to where his dick was distorting the shape of his boxers. Charlie pressed his hand against Nick, and Nick’s back arched up off the bed. “Oh, god, Char, yes.”

Charlie’s heart was racing with desire. He stroked Nick through his boxers, aware that there was just this thin fabric between his hand and Nick’s cock. Nick was breathing through his nose, eyes just open, watching Charlie, watching his hand. The sounds Nick was making were going right through him. He ran his hand in strokes, drawing up Nick’s length, and then concentrated on just the head for a moment. Nick made a sound between a laugh and a groan, then relaxed fully into it. Nick’s head lolled back for a moment before he raised it again.

“Can I…” started Nick, and Charlie cut him off. 

“Yes, please yes,” said Charlie breathlessly. 

Nick reached down to Charlie and palmed him through his boxers. Charlie gasped, the sensation combined with knowing that this was Nick, Nick touching him and wanting him making his head spin. Nick’s hand was hesitant to start, and Charlie was dimly aware that this was Nick’s first time touching another man like this, touching a dick that wasn’t his own. Nick gained some confidence as he went, drawing his hand up from Charlie’s base to tip with a caress of his fingers that made Charlie groan. 

Both of their eyes fought between opening and closing, their brains split between giving and receiving pleasure. Charlie didn’t have the same worries or doubts about this being enough this time - he felt here, felt present. He tightened his grip around Nick and sped up the stroke of his hand, feeling Nick’s abs hitch as his breath quickened. Nick did the same, and the two of them were soon gasping, their stomachs tightening and pulling in as the sensations got stronger. Charlie felt his balls pull up and tighten, and he fought to warn Nick.

“Nick, I’m gonna..”

“Yes, Char, yes…”

That was enough; Nick calling him Char in that husky, rough voice. He tipped over the edge and came hard and long, Nick’s hand stroking him through it until he shivered and inched his hip away fractionally. Nick was looking at him, eyes hooded with desire and passion but without rush, and Charlie shook off his haze to refocus his attention on Nick. He drew his hand up and down Nick with increasing speed. Nick’s head was on the pillows but tilted slightly up, watching Charlie with his mouth just parted open. Charlie gave another stroke, pausing at the head to slightly twist his hand and Nick shuddered and came with a series of soft, guttural sounds that went to Charlie’s core.

After Nick was spent, Charlie laid fully on his side, pressing close to Nick, who wrapped an arm around him, eyes closed. 

“That was…” Nick said lazily.

“So good,” said Charlie.

“So good,” echoed Nick. He kissed the top of Charlie’s head and gently rolled Charlie to the side. “Let me get you some stuff.”

Charlie watched as Nick went around his room to the closet, drawers, and en-suite bathroom. He came back with one of his jumpers, a pair of shorts, a toothbrush still in packaging, a washcloth, and a towel, putting them on Charlie’s chest.

“I think the shorts should hopefully fit, then there’s this jumper - or I can get you a shirt - and then some toiletry stuff. Just leave the toothbrush in the holder in the bathroom,” he added. “So you can use it next time, too.”

Charlie smiled. “There’ll be a next time, huh?”

Nick placed his hands on either side of Charlie’s head and kissed him, a lingering press. “Fuck yes there will be.”

Chapter Text

Again, Nick and Charlie had to separate earlier than either one would have liked. Nick had an acupuncture appointment and Charlie was meeting Elle for brunch. They still lingered in bed longer than they should have, and Nick texted when he arrived at his appointment with a minute to spare, smugly saying that he knew they could have kissed another time in the car before he left. Charlie rolled his eyes when he got it and sent the same emoji followed by several red hearts and one kissing face. 

The next few weeks were going to be intense, with two back to back away fixtures. That would be a lot of time on the team bus, a lot of time for Charlie and the rest of the staff packing and preparing, and the annoyance of hotel rooms, bags, and just being away. For Charlie, it also brought up some worries and wonders. When they were home, they could go to each other’s places, always shielded by a car with tinted windows or doors and walls from other people's eyes. When they traveled, everyone was in the same tight quarters - the bus, the same hotel with the same narrow hallways and restaurants, and the smaller visitor locker rooms. Charlie decided to talk about it with Nick the next time they had a moment alone - which ended up being frustratingly long, not until three days later.

Nick and Charlie had planned to go to Nick’s after training, the day before they left for the first of the two away matches. They ended up leaving a little later than they planned, sucked in (as was happening more and more often) to locker room shenanigans, all of which were highly entertaining. Charlie walked into the locker room from the PT room to find it boisterously loud, twenty or so players gathered in a circle around the central benches. 

Danny and Lunker had a deck of cards between them, playing Battle. Every time either one of them won a battle, the boys behind them whooped and cheered. When they got to a war, the lads would join together in a low “ohhh” sound, the volume and tenor rising until the top card was revealed and the players going mad. Lunker was another one that Charlie often forgot even had a first name - George Plunk, dubbed Lunker due to his monstrous size and deliberate manner. His eyes were bright and he was lively, rinsing Danny whenever he won a hand. 

Charlie watched all of this leaning against the doorway and smiling until Will noticed him. 

“Pick a side, Springtime!” called Will. Some of the other players turned and waited to see which side Charlie would join. A few, like Seamus, beckoned with outstretched, dramatic hands to entreaty him to join their side. Charlie laughed at the Bambi eyes that Stig made at him. James whisper-yelled at him to come to the side of good and not evil. Charlie hesitated…and walked over to Lunker’s side, which cheered, welcoming him in among their ranks. Nick, on Danny’s side, grinned across from everyone at Charlie. 

“Right you are, Charlie my lad, right you are!” said Stig, grabbing Charlie’s shoulders in a side hug. 

Danny shot a mock-hurt look over. “Devo, Charli. You’re on a right team of drongos over there!”

“Get on with it!” Someone yelled. 

Danny and Lunker laid down a few more hands, each taking some of the battles. A number of hands later, there was another war, and the team broke out in yelling when it ended in another tie, setting the stage for another war. The room was deafening when the flipped card revealed another tie, and lads were chirping each other from across the benches, making side bets on who’d win. Lunker and Danny flipped their cards, and Lunker’s side exploded in cheers when his Jack beat Danny’s eight. Danny collapsed in defeat, laying flat on his back like a starfish. He blinked up at the ceiling. “I’m rooted, boys,” he said, lolling his head back and forth. His supporters gathered him up and dusted him off, laughingly consoling him. 

Seamus patted him on the shoulder. “It’s all right, Danny. I mean, I have lost respect for you, but it’s all right.”

Even though it made them leave later than expected, Charlie loved moments like these, when the team was together and laughing, unstressed by a game or injuries. He imagined that other teams probably had similar fun, but he couldn’t imagine a group that all liked each other this much, and stayed late because they had fun together and enjoyed hanging out. Despite their differences in backgrounds and in their personal lives, they were all fairly unified. 

Nick and Charlie laughed about the epic Battle battle in the car, Nick ribbing him for joining Lunker’s team instead of Danny’s with him.

“And look how that turned out,” Charlie told Nick. “I make good choices.”

Once at Nick’s place, they made dinner together, Nick having had groceries delivered to his flat during training and left at the door. After they ate and cuddled on the couch for a while (with some wandering hands), Charlie bullied Nick into a long series of stretches. Charlie wasn’t sure how after 45 minutes they had ended up back on Nick’s bed for a “sports massage” for Nick, Charlie hovering over Nick and working his muscles in slow, smooth strokes. Nick’s eyes were closed in bliss. As he worked down Nick’s back, Charlie’s mind was stirring a bit, thinking about the upcoming days and weeks, about the trickiness of the upcoming travel and road matches.

“Nick?” he asked, and Nick turned his face to the side so he could look at Charlie, eyebrows raised in inquiry. “We’re going to be traveling for a few weeks. I think - I think we should talk about sharing a room at all. Or not. It would be risky - if someone saw you come out of my room in the morning or vice versa…I mean, I want to stay with you every night I can, but - I dunno, what do you think? I just thought it would be better to talk about it now rather than just, like, stress about it.”

Charlie could see Nick’s face, considering. He had the same calculating look in his eye when he was talking to Seamus and Wilco, trying to figure out a play set against a tough opponent, figuring how to make it work. “Huh. Yeah. I guess…I guess we just start with this first one, and see how it goes? And figure it out as we go. Maybe we can set an alarm for early in the morning or whatever to leave before anyone is up, and then just go back to sleep in our own room…” 

Charlie had sat down on the bed by this time and Nick turned on his side, tucking Charlie against his body. “Yeah,” said Charlie. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll see what the hotel situation is like when we get there." He felt Nick’s hand around his hip, pulling to encourage Charlie to lay down in front of him to spoon. Once he was laying down, Charlie felt Nick’s arms wrap around him. 

“I wish it was…simpler. Easier?” Nick murmured.

“I know,” said Charlie. It reminded him of something, and he thought for a minute. “Have you ever listened to Misterwives?” He felt Nick shake his head against his. “They have this song called Easy, and part of the lyrics go, ‘It gets easier but it’s not easy’. I’ve listened to it a lot on rough days. It made me think of when I came out to my parents and close friends, or the eating stuff, or anxiety. None of it is easy…but it does get easier.”

Nick breathed against his neck. “I like that,” he said softly. “None of it seems easy, right now. The team alone seems intimidating - telling them. And my mum. And god, my brother and dad. And then, like, people - people on social media and stuff who feel like they know me, even though they don’t…” He trailed off, sounding a little lost and unsure.

Charlie wriggled until he was facing Nick. “It’s…I won’t pretend it wouldn’t be hard. Won’t be hard? But for me, it also helped coming out to the people I actually cared about first.” He frowned a little. “But yeah - this would all be coming out again. I purposefully didn’t come out to the team, except to Amy. That…does still sound really intimidating. I mean, nearly everyone is so great, but…”

“...But I don’t want things to change,” said Nick. “Yeah. It’s so stupid - we’d be the same people that they know. So nothing should change. But it could.”

“It could,” Charlie agreed. “But…it’ll be like the away matches, yeah? Just one step at a time. And for now, it’s still just ours. Us. We'll figure it out together.”

Nick kissed him on the tip of the nose and Charlie was grateful he was laying down as his knees would have given out at that tiny, sweet gesture. He nuzzled against Nick and buried his face in Nick’s chest, bare from where Charlie insisted he remove his jumper “to get deeper into the muscles”. While Charlie had had every intention of continuing Nick’s massage - and maybe naught-ifying it a little - it was so warm and comforting being there together that they fell asleep. Just before he drifted off, Charlie thought that he’d never get sick of this, of falling asleep in this man's arms. 

-

Their first travel was to Exeter to play the Chiefs, a long 5-hour slog on the bus. Charlie passed the time messaging with Elle, Amy and Isaac in their original group chat. Isaac asked Elle what she was doing that weekend since “those wankers” (Charlie and Amy) were abandoning them again. Elle said that she had plans, but was sketchy about them, and the entire group starting describing her plans.

Yeah, I think her plans are pretty tall.

I think her plans really like French existential cinema. 

I hear her plans wear a lot of dumb beanies.

I kind of like her plan's dumb beanies, to be honest.

Her plans have giant hands, have you ever noticed that? Not that giant plan hands matter…

Charlie and Amy snickered to each other as they messaged, eventually shifting over to the full group chat which included Tao, too. Amy sent an innocent message to the larger group asking about Tao’s weekend plans, earning a disapproving face selfie from Elle in their smaller chat. He missed those idiots. They all had planned for a group night together in a couple weeks, and Charlie couldn’t wait to see them all in person. It sometimes felt like he had no life during the season…though this year felt different of course. He just had a…different life this season. A really hot, ginger one. Charlie reached up to stretch and then casually twisted his back each direction as if to pop his spine…but really, to get a look of that sweet Nick Nelson action.

He caught Nick’s eye on his second turn, and flushed at the grin on Nick’s face. God, it would be hard to not touch him like he wanted to during this road series. 

The next two days were brutal, with long evenings and early mornings. Charlie and Nick snuck in one night together after the Chiefs game, which they won, but just barely. Their phases had been strong and tight, but every time they’d get close to the try line things would…just not work. While they won, the low score was frustrating. No one had wanted to go out too late that night after the ugly victory, and Nick had gone to Charlie’s room after begging off early from the bar, gently tapping on his door. They had been too exhausted to do much more than talk and sleep, Nick needing to empty his mind of his frustration from the game and Charlie just listening. Nick had set an early alarm and softly kissed Charlie on the forehead to say goodbye around 5:30 in the morning, before anyone else was up. 

After a travel day and a half-day off, the team was working hard at training to improve their offense. The coaches and captains pushed the team hard, and Nick was spending so much time with Wilco and Seamus that Nick and Charlie didn’t have another night together until after the London Harlequins game, a match they lost - badly. The whole team looked tired and the locker room was morose after the game. Charlie knew that they’d all do well with a rest. They'd be home the next day and their next match wasn’t until the following Sunday. They all needed the extra day off, and a few day to get their heads straight. 

Charlie knew Nick was frustrated with himself. He shouldn’t be; it was a team sport and Nick himself was actually playing decently, but he knew that Nick internalized any mistakes, often blamed himself for the play set. And they were still in decent shape, fourth in the table and well-positioned before the first round of the Champions’ Cup in December, November now nearly at a close. Still - that night was one of the quietest Charlie and Nick had; Nick less talkative and more introspective than normal. Charlie got it, and had seen several articles critiquing the team. He knew that Nick looked at the sports blogs and news pages, and imagined that it couldn’t be good for his head. 

They had slept nearly glued together that night, their relief at finally getting to touch the way they wanted to palpable. They had occasionally been able to brush hands or shoulders in the locker rooms, but in the smaller visitor rooms everything was easier to see, harder to hide. Charlie was desperately glad for the upcoming week, for the week to breathe. 

The day they returned from London after the Harlequins, Nick split off for a bit for a workout and Charlie unloaded the PT equipment with Amy and did some final catch-up. When it was time to leave, Charlie automatically got into Nick’s car, the two of them coordinating their leaving times. Nick had given Charlie so many rides to and from the arena that no one batted an eye, just as no one did when Wilco picked up Seamus or when James caught a ride with Danny. They waved to the team, everyone looking a bit haggard and ready for rest.

Nick drove them to his place, apparently in a bit of a better mood. The team had provided nice boxed dinners to take home, and Charlie and Nick ate on Nick’s couch, the TV on but neither of them paying attention. They had all night as well as the entire next day, both of them having cleared their calendars. As they were finishing, Nick seemingly remembered something and put his nearly-done food down on the table. 

“Oh! Nearly forgot to tell you - my mum is coming to the match next week.”

“The elusive Sarah Nelson?” asked Charlie. He knew that Nick’s mum was a nurse practitioner and that it was nearly impossible to get away on Saturdays, that being the hardest day to cover. From what Nick had said, it sounded like Sarah wasn’t willing to put anyone else out to get the day covered, which started to explain where Nick had come from. 

“The one and only,” said Nick. “She’s coming up on Saturday and staying round till Monday, actually.” He waggled his eyebrows. “And she’s bringing Nellie.”

Charlie grinned. “My true favorite Nelson!”

Nick scoffed. “Only your actual favorite Nelson could do this.” He took Charlie’s finished food off his lap and scooped him up, this time hefting Charlie over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. 

Charlie started to protest that his stomach was too full to be carried like that, but then realized that with this vantage point, he could watch Nick’s glutes power up the stairs in a way he’d never gotten to observe before. He considered for a moment, and then decided that this would be just fine. 

Nick dropped Charlie on the bed and rolled over next to him, hovering above Charlie. 

“And I don’t think any other Nelson is going to do this,” he said, kissing Charlie’s lower lip and then pulling back, sucking gently. 

Charlie wanted to make some joke about Nick not knowing how much mums generally liked him, but it wasn’t the time. He kissed Nick back, knowing that they’d probably crash into sleep relatively soon, exhausted as they were. Tomorrow they finally had an entire day off together, and the possibilities of another full day with Nick made it easy to fall asleep without the desperate feeling of needing to maximize stolen time. 

-

Charlie didn’t have words to describe what it felt like to wake up with Nick on a morning with nowhere to go and nothing to do. The team had a full day off following the game and Charlie hadn’t made any plans in the sly hope that he’d end up exactly where he was right now. Charlie watched Nick sleep for a moment, taking a mental picture of everything. Auburn hair, spread out on the pillow and falling across his face, slightly curled. Dark, soft eyelashes. Freckles across his face, concentrated on his cheekbones. Mouth slightly open, breath just audible. It was astonishing how many things were captivating in this early stage. The same things that could get irritating after years, but now…well, Charlie just went on looking and listening for another minute. 

When he couldn’t take it any longer, Charlie reluctantly got out of bed for a morning pee. Now it was his turn to slide back into bed alongside Nick, feeling him stir as Charlie tucked behind him, pressing his chest against Nick’s broad, muscled back and tucking his chin along Nick’s shoulder. He felt Nick tense against him as he stretched his legs long and his arms in front of him, rounding his back and making Charlie laugh as he got slightly bumped away by the movement. Nick relaxed and turned on his back, closing his eyes and patting around near Charlie until he found enough of him to pull him along his chest, Charlie’s head against his skin and Nick’s fingers in Charlie’s hair. 

“Mm. I like this…what do they call it? Skin to skin contact?” Nick said, smiling, eyes still closed.

“I think that’s for when infants are born,” murmured Charlie, spine tingling with the gentle movement through his hair.

“Close enough,” said Nick, fingers now massaging Charlie’s scalp. Charlie’s hair occasionally caught in Nick’s callused fingers and Charlie melted into it.  They stayed like that for a few minutes, Charlie mindlessly drifting his fingers across Nick’s chest and tracing them down his side. Breaking the bliss, Nick grumbled as he got up to go to the toilet. After he was done, he told Charlie he’d be right back. He came back just a minute later, phone in hand and laptop tucked under his arm. 

“I can order us some food,” said Nick, “And if you’re up for it, maybe we can just laze around in bed for a little and watch something.”

“God, yes,” said Charlie. They found a local restaurant with a large breakfast and lunch menu and picked out their orders, Nick asking it to be left at the door to avoid a potentially lengthy fan conversation with the delivery person, something he had picked up from experience. The app said their order would arrive in an hour or so, and Nick and Charlie set up the pillows so that Nick could sit with his back against the headboard, Charlie tucked between his thighs. Charlie held the laptop and together they decided to watch San Andreas, Nick's choice which Charlie agreed to as long as Nick permitted him to point out any scientific inaccuracies that were inevitable in the movie. 

“Why the computer and not a TV in your bedroom?” asked Charlie. 

“I’ve read a lot of stuff about not having a TV where you sleep,” said Nick. “I’ve had a little trouble falling asleep the past couple years, and that was one of the ‘sleep hygiene’ things that I saw.”

“Is it cheating to bring a computer in?”

“Probably,” said Nick with a chuckle. “But it’s the principle, yeah?”

“You haven’t seemed to have much trouble sleeping the last few times I’ve seen you,” said Charlie, teasing. “You take about 5 hours to properly wake up, too.”

Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie’s chest, squeezing him for a moment, but not too hard. “When…we’re in the same bed I sleep a lot better.” Charlie let Nick’s words settle through him.

“Same,” said Charlie, kissing one of Nick’s forearms, the closest thing he could find to kiss. Nick released him a little, and Charlie set up the laptop to their side so they could watch. 55 minutes, several make-out sessions, and a litany of scientific falsehoods later their food arrived and they finally made it out of bed, all the way to the couch. They ate in a tangle of limbs, just…comfortable. Charlie didn’t remember feeling this comfortable with anyone he was romantically attracted to. Sexually attracted to. So, so sexually attracted to. He glanced at Nick, who was trying to spear a sweet potato cube that would not be vanquished, and grinned. He was in deep.

They spent the entirety of the day together. Nick caused Charlie’s mind to unspool when he casually announced that he was going to make a lemon drizzle cake. Nick shrugged off Charlie’s shock, saying it was only 5 ingredients and was so simple even Harry could make it (which Charlie privately doubted). A few hours later after the ingredients had been combined and Nick had popped the cake in the oven, the whole flat already smelled delicious. 

“Right, this needs about 50 minutes,” said Nick, checking the recipe on his phone. “I might have a quick shower while it bakes. Do you need anything?”

Charlie felt good. He hadn’t felt this good and comfortable…well, ever. 

“Actually, I-” his voice cracked, just a little. “I could use a shower, too.” He tried to keep the sentence neutral, attempting at an “invitation-to-invite-me-but-don’t-feel-like-you-must” kind of approach. It was an art.

Nick looked at him, head tilted a little. “You…do.” He said it as a mixture of a question and a statement.

“Yep,” said Charlie. It was a standoff. 

“You know…” said Nick, after a beat. “This climate change is a real bitch.”

Charlie blinked, unclear after Nick’s non-sequitur. 

“I mean,” Nick said, clearing his throat. “Saving water probably helps, yeah? The climate change?”

Sure, maybe in a roundabout way, thought Charlie, but he wasn’t going to say that. He nodded solemnly. “Yes. Drought, you know. More water means, uh, more cloud coverage and less sun, and less…albedo?” He tried to remember his Earth science courses.

“Mm, yes, albino,” said Nick knowingly. “Do you want to join me, then? For the planet?”

“For the planet,” Charlie agreed. 

They went up to Nick’s ensuite, large shower and Nick started the water, letting it heat up. Charlie felt even better with the mirror steaming over, obscuring his view of himself. Nick went to get undressed first, pulling off the t-shirt he had put on that morning. He moved slowly, as if almost afraid of spooking Charlie. But Charlie felt more grounded than he had ever felt. He felt - safe. He took down his borrowed shorts from Nick first, and Nick did the same with his own. Charlie took a breath, and took off his shirt, turning slightly to the side so he didn’t need to look at Nick in the eyes. He heard Nick’s breath catch and immediately worried it was shock at his scrawny chest or disgust at his scars.

But when he looked at Nick, he saw nothing but heat, desire, and wanting. Charlie had planned on this being a very chaste shower, a way to get comfortable with being naked in front of Nick, but with Nick looking at him that way…well, at least his body would get clean, if not his mind. And he definitely wouldn't need the full 50 minutes of bake time. 

“You are… so gorgeous, Charlie,” murmured Nick, coming closer and running his hands down Charlie’s sides, making his abs jump a little. Charlie felt good, but he didn’t feel that. He exhaled through his nose as if to breathe off the compliment, and Nick cupped his chin. “Seriously, Char…you are - you are amazing.”

Charlie kissed him and with a breath against Nick’s lips, moved his hands down to his own hips and pulled off his boxers. He felt Nick pull back and glance down, eyes huge. But still with that longing, that appreciation - that excitement. Nick removed his hands from Charlie and tugged down his own waistband, revealing his dick to Charlie for the first time. 

Charlie had thought about this moment for a long, long time. Even feeling Nick other nights and the weeks before - nothing prepared him for seeing Nick literally in the flesh. He was half-hard and filling out quickly, just as thick as Charlie had felt through his pants. His patch of auburn pubic hair was neatly trimmed, and Charlie felt a stab of pride that he had also taken time to groom, anticipating that this might be happening sooner rather than later. Even as Charlie watched in awed, tingling anticipation, Nick grew harder. Yeah, chaste shower time was out the window. Charlie felt his own blood rush down, his heartbeat pounding in his groin and his own cock growing. 

Nick opened the door to the shower and took Charlie’s hand, leading him in. They stood under the rainfall shower head, the water letting their hands glide easily over each other’s bodies. Charlie noted that Nick’s hands ran smoothly over his arms, his hips, Nick not distracted by his scars. That - felt hard to imagine. In his own mind, Charlie’s scars to him were garish and obvious, a blinking red light saying, “Look at me! Damaged! Danger, Will Robinson, danger!” But he didn’t get that sense from Nick, who had now moved to get the body wash and was standing behind him, massaging the wash into Charlie’s arms, shoulders. He was keeping his hips away from Charlie in an annoyingly respectful way, and Charlie moved back just enough to feel the brush of Nick’s cock on his lower back, felt it slip upwards as Charlie pressed back closer to Nick.

Nick made a noise that could best be transcribed as “hrnk”. Charlie turned his body around to face Nick. “Sorry - is - is this all okay?”

Nick nodded for a long time. “Yes, this is definitely okay. It’s just…wow. This is…I am so hot right now.” He barked out a laugh. “Literally and metaphorically.” Nick stepped a little closer, and Charlie’s now fully erect dick pushed up against Nick’s thigh, Nick’s pressed against his belly. They both moaned as they slid a little against each other, the sound amplified by the tiles and the small room. Charlie arched his back and drew up slightly, Nick giving a shudder as Charlie’s body shifted. They both gyrated their hips for a moment before Charlie, emboldened, reached down to take Nick in his hand. Nick watched Charlie’s hand move and closed his eyes for a second before doing the same to Charlie.  

Charlie was touching Nick’s penis. And Nick was touching his. Charlie was even more turned on than he had been before with Nick, which even a few moments ago he would have thought to be impossible. Their hands both worked each other, slowly to start. The water and body wash provided perfect lubrication, and they were both already heaving when Nick crouched a little and gently moved Charlie’s hand away from his dick. He pressed their bodies closer together and took both of them in his hand, Charlie unable to choose between looking at both of their cocks in Nick’s large hand, or watching the muscles twitch in Nick’s forearm. He eventually settled on closing his eyes in pleasure, feeling Nick’s hand working them both, feeling himself slide against Nick’s almost velvety skin. His breath quickened and he stirred his hips as Nick worked, trying to thrust up to better match their heights. He could hear Nick getting closer - and god, he loved that he could already tell some of the hitches in Nick’s breath to know that. Nick gave a low, rumbling sound and then gently bit down on Charlie’s trap muscle. Charlie twitched and bucked his hips up into Nick’s hand and they finished together, hips bumping a little awkwardly in Nick’s semi-crouch, but his mind pleasurably, blissfully clear. 

Charlie slumped against Nick, Nick shifting his arms to wrap around Charlie. “Hnnnrg,” he said against Nick’s chest, eloquent as ever. 

“Definitely,” murmured Nick, sounding relaxed. They stayed like that for a while before actually...showering. When they finally got out and dried off, they could smell the sharp scent of the lemon cake filling up the house.

After an afternoon of cake, Mario Kart, and a fair amount of saucy hands, Charlie made them a simple dinner from what was in Nick’s fridge and freezer, baking some salmon with mustard and sautéing green beans with sliced almonds and lemon zest from one of the leftovers from the cake. 

The day had been perfect, tucked in their private world, where it was just them. Charlie distantly clocked that they hadn’t left the house and that in the long term, that wouldn’t work, but today it felt like the most magical thing on the planet. When they went to sleep that night, this time with Nick’s head on Charlie’s chest and Charlie carding his fingers through Nick’s hair, Charlie’s heart felt so full, so alive. He knew Nick was dropping him off early tomorrow so that they could both be ready for training, and it still felt like too soon, even after these hours together. Charlie gave Nick’s head one more soft kiss and dropped off to sleep. 

-

The following week was better, felt better. Nick was happier and the team seemed more confident. Training seemed to be going well, Nick related to Charlie, and all of them felt genuinely ready for the Leicester Tigers game that following Sunday. The extra day off did them all good, and Charlie could feel the energy re-entering the locker room, a return to the fun that they had the day before the first road match. 

Charlie was working with Seamus a few days later before the Tigers game, just focusing on some maintenance work for some ongoing bursitis in his shoulder. Charlie was behind Seamus’s back, pushing Seamus’s arm up behind him to work on range of motion and flexibility. They had been chatting about Seamus’s (very incorrect) opinions on Bake Off, when Seamus changed the subject.

“Hey, have you noticed anything different about Nick?”

Charlie’s heart might have stopped. He was glad Seamus was facing another direction and couldn’t see his face. “Not really, what makes you say?”

“I dunno, he’s, like - happier? I mean, not last week; that was shit, but in general. And he’s been hanging out a little less. I reckon he has a girlfriend he’s not telling us about.”

Oh thank god, Charlie’s little raisin of a heart could start again. He kept his voice light. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Seamus, more definitively this time. “I think so. He gets really wound up on losses, but like, after this one, he seemed to do better. He came back after the days off dead chuffed.” He grinned. “I know that smile. It was an ‘I got some’ smile.”

Charlie snorted. “Maybe it was a ‘I just needed to actually sleep in my own bed’ smile.”

“Nah,” said Seamus. “I know that post-shag glow. And I should know. I don’t want to brag, but I’ve had sex over four times.”

Charlie laughed at that, and Seamus joined in with him at his own joke. “Well, yeah, maybe. I think he’s pretty private about that stuff. Or at least I get that sense.”

“Oh, definitely,” agreed Seamus. “I’m sure he’d deny, or give one of his media answers. But I’ll keep a sharp eye, Springtime my boy. You do the same.”

“Of course,” said Charlie dryly. “It’ll be my top priority.”

Seamus laughed again. “Good. Now get back to tormenting me and my poor weak shoulder.”

Charlie did, his thoughts swirling. 

-

That night, both Charlie and Nick ended up staying far later than anyone else. Nick wanted to do a few cycles between the ice bath and the steam room, and Charlie had needed to put together a treatment plan for one of the practice players who had torn his labrum. They were going to stay at Charlie’s place that evening, Charlie always insisting that Nick get a night solo before a match, not wanting to distract him. Charlie finished up the treatment plan and emailed it to Amy, the team doctor, and the coaches before standing and stretching out his back. He sighed and cleaned up the room a little before locking the door and heading out to find Nick. 

As Charlie turned to walk up the hallway, he heard steps behind him and the hair on his neck instinctively stood up. He turned. Fuck.  

“Charlie.” Ben’s voice was demanding, more of a statement that Charlie would look at him than a question. Charlie didn’t know what to do with his arms. Ben continued. “I’ve seen you, you know. Leaving with Nick. In his car. Are you going out with him then?”

“No,” said Charlie, heart speeding up. 

“But you are getting with him?”

“No,” said Charlie again. Fuck fuck fuck. No one on the fucking team had noticed anything, how the fuck had Ben?

“Don’t lie,” said Ben coldly. “Well, I believe that you’re not going out with him. As if anyone would ever want to go out with someone as desperate as you.”

This. This made Charlie furious. They were the same words that had rattled around Charlie’s head while he was with Ben, and for months after. This time, he had something to bite back with.

“You did,” said Charlie, meeting Ben’s eyes and not backing down. 

Ben blinked and gathered himself. “Are you joking? You actually thought I liked you? You were there like some tragic loser with barely any friends. I never liked you. I’m not even gay, I just felt really sorry for you.”

Charlie paused, stunned at Ben’s venom. He realized now how close to him Ben had gotten, Charlie now edged near to the wall. He opened his mouth to speak, not even sure of what he’d say, but before he did, he heard a loud voice call down the hall.

“OI. You right, mate?” Nick was there. He stormed towards them, beelining for Ben. Nick was clearly just out of the shower after his hot and cold treatments, wearing a tight shirt that made him look even larger than normal. Charlie saw Ben shrink back a little bit as Nick approached, hands clenching in and out of fists.

“Yeah, we’re just…talking,” said Ben. 

Nick snorted. “Yeah. Just talking. Like last time. You don’t get a hint, do you, Hope?”

Ben gave a forced half-laugh. “Me. I’m the only one who’s gotten a hint.” He gave both of them a taunting sneer. “Be careful, boys.”

Charlie grabbed Nick’s arm as he started to lunge towards Ben, who had started to walk away down the hall. “Nick - he’s still not worth it.”

Nick’s arm was tense, and he still leaned his body towards where Ben had gone. “I know,” he said through gritted teeth. He took a breath and looked towards Charlie, relaxing fractionally. “But you are. Are you okay?”

Charlie’s throat was dry. “Nick - did you hear what he said? About having a clue? Or a hint, or whatever? What…what if he says something?”

Nick looked unworried. “He’s too much of a coward to do anything if there’s any risk of him getting hurt from it. He can’t talk about anything without outing himself.”

Charlie knew Nick was right. Nick had to be right. He hoped Nick was right.

Chapter Text

Their next match was tomorrow, and Charlie’s nerves had finally settled a little bit. Neither he nor Nick had heard anything after their run-in with Ben. Charlie increasingly thought that Nick was right, the more he pondered it. Ben was so paranoid of anyone discovering what he clearly thought was a shameful secret, one he wouldn’t even admit to himself. What he had said to Charlie - I’m not even gay - had cemented that. If he said that Nick and Charlie were getting rides together, he’d have to implicitly admit to watching them - watching Charlie. And Ben was too much of a coward to do anything that might hurt him. He was more like a rich safari hunter sniping at trophies from a chauffeured Jeep, where there was every chance of success and no chance of danger. 

And Nick was calm and confident, which was making Charlie feel the same. He knew Nick had a lot more at stake, and while Charlie wasn’t sure what was making Nick seem more grounded lately, he loved it. He also knew that Nick was genuinely excited that his mum was coming to the game, and Charlie couldn’t wait to meet her. The team was hosting a post-game reception in the Hall of Fame room in the stadium following the match, which usually happened a few times a season, particularly on non-Saturday matches. Charlie knew that several players’ families were coming from the conversations in the locker room. 

Nick had mentioned that his mum was coming in this evening after she got off work and picked up Nellie, straight to the stadium. She hadn’t yet gotten a chance to see Nick’s new place of work and it would be too busy on Sunday to try to do any sort of proper tour. Nick had laughingly told Charlie that Mr. Lange had reluctantly agreed that Nellie could come in with Sarah. Charlie had asked why Nick even bothered asking if there was a chance of the answer being no, and Nick had protested that he didn’t want to break the rules. Charlie had rolled his eyes and said that he was sure Rugby King Nick Nelson could get special treatment, which had made the aforementioned King tackle Charlie into the couch and ask what special treatment Charlie could think of for him. And then things…had devolved from there. 

Charlie had to snap himself out of his reverie to focus back on his work. Amy was working with Lucas while Charlie finished the last pieces needed before the match tomorrow. All of their starters were healthy, and only one reserve had to be swapped out due to injury. He hurried through the rest of his plans and paperwork before closing his laptop, and glanced over at Amy and Lucas. They were only about halfway through what he knew Amy had planned for the rehab work, so Charlie thought he’d stretch his legs before returning to check in with her one last time. And Nick had said that he’d bring his mum (and Nellie, as Charlie had loudly insisted) to the PT room before he took her back to his place. 

Charlie went down the hallway, headed towards the tunnel to get a breath of fresh, cold air. As he did, his attention was caught by a flash of auburn hair in the hallway opposite. Nick was standing with his back to Charlie, hugging his mum, with Nellie circling near their feet, tail frantically wagging. Charlie didn’t want to interrupt their moment and knew he would meet Sarah later, so turned quietly to leave.

Nellie didn’t get the memo, though, spotting him and bounding over with happy boofs. Charlie knelt to greet her and saw Nick and his mum’s head turn towards him. His cheeks colored a little with embarrassment (and some nerves) and he shyly waved, not sure what Nick would want. He didn’t have to wonder long, though, as Nick beamed at him and gestured for his mum to follow, walking down the hallway to greet Charlie and Nellie. 

“Mum, this is Charlie,” said Nick. “He’s one of the team physios, along with our friend Amy.”

“Hello,” smiled Charlie, extending his hand towards Sarah. 

Sarah ignored his hand and hugged him. “Lovely to meet you, Charlie! I apologize if you’re not a hugger, but anyone who keeps the team healthy is someone who deserves some thanks.”

Charlie had been caught off guard for a moment by Sarah’s embrace, coming from a family that was a little more reticent with affection growing up (Olly being the notable exception). He relaxed into it quickly though, returning the hug quickly and then letting go. He got his first look at Nick’s mum, who was a good head shorter than him. Nick looked a lot like this brother and dad in general, but he could immediately see the similarity in Nick and his mum’s smile. 

“It’s great to meet you, Mrs. Nelson,” started Charlie. 

“Sarah,” said Nick’s mum, with equal parts warmth and firmness. 

“Sorry, yes, Sarah. So nice to meet you - Nick say you’re a nurse practitioner? What department?”

“Yes,” said Sarah. “I’ve done several, actually. I did A&E for a bit right when I started, but that’s a young person’s game. I worked in Oncology for a bit, too, but then moved over to Orthopedics. The boys kept me in that department enough with their rugby that it just made it easier.” She looked at Nick affectionately. 

“Oh, yeah?” asked Charlie. “Was this one a handful growing up?” He nodded towards Nick.

“Well, school-wise and friends-wise he was always easy,” said Sarah. “But the amount of injuries - normal little boy stuff between him and his brother falling out of trees and that, and then rugby for both of them - Nicky kept me on my toes.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up as Nick rolled his eyes. Nicky? He couldn’t wait to us that against Nick later.

“Mum,” groaned Nick, good-naturedly. “You promised.”

“Oh, I know. Sorry, darling. Won’t happen again.” She gave Charlie a conspiratorial shadow of a wink, confirming that yes, Charlie already liked this woman. 

“I don’t want to keep you two,” said Charlie. “Will you be coming to the family event after the match, Sarah?”

“Of course,” replied Sarah. “I can’t believe it’s nearly December and this is my first time seeing the stadium and meeting everyone.”

“We’re glad to have you here,” said Charlie. He gave Nellie another scratch around the ears and rubbed her head. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow, Charlie,” said Nick. He gave him a dazzling smile and led his mum off past Charlie down the tunnel to take a look at the pitch, Nellie at their heels. Sarah was just lovely, and Charlie was looking forward to talking to her more after the fixture the next day. 

-

The next morning was sunny and windy, and Charlie packed several extra layers in his bag. The team had the players wear suits for official team events, but staff was exempt from that, though they were asked to dress up a bit. Charlie had packed his charcoal trousers and a light blue button down, which Tori had once told him made his eyes look nice, which was perhaps the most effusive compliment he had ever gotten from her. He tried not to think about the fact that Nick would be wearing a suit after the game, one of his favorite ways to see him. After naked and half-naked, that was. 

Amy picked up Charlie that morning, and told Charlie about the date she had gone on the night before. Apparently, the guy had asked if she “ever dressed more femininely” than she had last night, and Amy was still annoyed. 

“I was wearing nice jeans that made my ass look great and a nice sweater and very nice boots I spent too much on. What was I supposed to be wearing, a bandage dress? Liking straight men is a tragedy.”

Charlie started to ask what a bandage dress was, and then just looked it up on his phone. “Damn, you should wear one of those, though. You’d look smoking.”

She knocked the back of her hand against his upper arm. “Not you, too.”

“Nah, he sounds like a real dickwad. Sorry about that, Ames. How’d you meet him?”

“Tinder,” said Amy. “I kinda hate online dating, though. Actually, no, I really hate it. I’d love to meet someone first and know what they’re about. I feel like online dating is just a modern day version of that old website Hot or Not, but now it’s like PLUS the job application game where you try to have the right buzzwords in your bio.”

“Which ones do you look for when you’re looking at bios?” asked Charlie. 

“Oh, I dunno. Dogs, sport, outside, funny, comedy, sarcasm, not douchebag. I feel like none of those are too wildly picky of me.” Amy rolled her eyes. “Though I think my requirements are sliding closer to ‘breathing, non-homophobic/racist human male who doesn’t follow Dan Bilzerian on Insta’.”

“Who’s that? Oh, right, isn’t he that twatwaffle who-”

“Essentially invented the humblebrag while being wildly misogynistic and a bastion of toxic heterosexual masculinity that many mediocre men now aspire to? Yes,” interrupted Amy. 

“I think those requirements are fair, then,” said Charlie. He knew the frustration of online dating, and was so, so glad that he hadn’t had the need or desire to open any of the apps for…months. Thank you, golden glowing man-god Nick Nelson. “I know it sucks sometimes, Amy. Or like, a lot of the time. But I promise, you’re going to find someone who is actually deserving of you. Someone funny and caring and not a twatwaffle. You’re a boss-ass bitch.”

“I hope so,” sighed Amy, turning into their lot and flashing her access card for the security guard. “As happy as I am for you and - er, for Elle, I want to have that too, because I am selfish.”

“You’ll find it,” Charlie assured her. “You will, you beautiful beast. I will wingman the shit out of you once the season is over.”

“Thanks, babe,” she said, grabbing his hand for a moment and squeezing. “Hopefully I’ll find someone before I’m too old and decepit to have mind-blowing sex like I bet some of us are having.”

“Well, you still have at least a few years until you’re thirty and lose all your value as a woman,” Charlie said, patting her hand.

She laughed and shoved him. “Fuck off. Now let’s go help our boys get a win, eh?”

-

After their appointments with their players, Charlie and Amy packed their medi-kits and headed to the locker room. The team was in high spirits, riding the high of a good week of training and the thrill of the upcoming first round of the Champion’s Cup. Nick hadn’t put his jersey on yet and Charlie’s eyes flicked over to his bare torso before he caught himself, seeing Amy smirk a little in his peripheral vision. 

“What’re you looking at, Charlie?” she asked innocently, quietly enough so that no one else could hear, everyone preoccupied with their pre-match rituals and conversations. “Is someone hurt? Does someone on the team need a long, long stretching session?”

“Shut up,” muttered Charlie, but smiling. 

Coach Croft and Wilco both gave energetic speeches, Wilco’s ending with him banging someone’s abandoned boot on a pipe and yelling that this was their match, on their pitch, and they were going to fucking slay it, goddamnit. The team rose in a series of yells and whoops, and gathered for a Badgers cheer, Charlie and Amy joining in the shout. They followed the team out to the pitch, blinking in the sunlight. 

The match went well. No, it went beautifully. The Badgers started with a solid set of carries, their front five looking strong. Lunker passed the ball off to Lucas, who, under pressure, pitched the ball to Will, who was uncovered. He streaked up the field and scored their first try within the first four minutes, and Charlie knew it would be a good match (even though he wished it had been Nick). Their front row looked good, maybe better than they had all season, and the forwards gelled together well. Nick himself scored a try and a drop-kick, as well as netting a neat penalty in the second half. The match ended 42-18, and as the final whistle blew, Charlie and Amy looked at each other and grinned. Hopefully their unsteady streak was at an end. And even if not - at least they had today’s match to remember just how good they could be. 

After shaking hands, the Badgers jogged back through the tunnel, cheering and slapping each other on the back. Imogen pulled Nick aside for an interview, as well as several other players (Wilco, Seamus included as usual, but also Lunker and Will, both of whom Charlie was glad to see get some well-deserved attention). After making his way to the PT room to quickly change, Charlie gathered his stuff to join the celebratory locker room. He walked past the media room, where Nick’s mum was gathering Nick in a giant hug as he exited the media room, heedless of his sweat and grime. Again interrupting, Charlie backed up behind the corner to give them a moment. He could overhear them, Sarah’s voice a little muffled against Nick’s shoulder.

“Oh, Nicky, I am so proud of you!” 

“Thanks, mum.” Charlie could hear the smile in Nick’s voice. “I feel like I could have gotten a few more tries - I could have worked my way out of that tackle in the second half if I had kept my head up -  but the team played-”

Sarah cut him off. “You played brilliantly, darling. I could see you talking to the boys during the game. You are such a leader. And scoring - you could have scored for the other team and I’d still be proud.”

He could hear Nick laugh lightly. “Will you be right for a few? We’ll all need a bit to shower and change and all that to be ready for the team dinner. I’d invite you in to see the locker room and meet the team, but…”

“I’ve had my share of sweaty rugby boys in my own home for a lifetime, thank you,” said Sarah. “I do not need to go to the locker room. They said families could go to the Hall of Fame room right after the game, so I’ll head up and see you when you’re there. And meet everyone as well.”

Charlie could hear Nick giving her another quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, and waited a minute for them to clear off, not wanting either one to think he had been trying to eavesdrop. Charlie eventually followed Nick to the locker room, where Lunker had been awarded Badger Bill for his incredible stops and offense-stopping tackles. Nick was talking to Danny, pleading with him to be on his best behavior, knowing Danny’s propensity for imaginative cursing. 

“When am I not on my best behavior?” demanded Danny. 

James, walking by at the moment, gave Danny a look. “Uh, all of Uni? The time you got drunk at Macca’s and tried to make your own fries? Your 24th birthday party, where we all ended up streaking into the ocean…in February? Last Wednesday, where-”

Danny playfully shimmied his shoulders as the others laughed. “Okay…fair. Nick, I promise to be on my best behavior.”

Nick shook his head. “I’d believe you more if you weren’t full-ass naked.”

Danny laughed and whipped at Nick with his towel as he sauntered off towards the showers. 

“Good luck with that,” Charlie said to Nick, chuckling.

“Do you have any sedatives in your kit?” asked Nick. “I could slip it in his water bottle, no problem.”

Charlie laughed. “I’m going to go help set up. See you up there. I’ll keep your mum safe from Danny and his loving Australian propensity for the c-word.”

Nick paled a little under his freckles. “Oh, god.”

Charlie patted him in the shoulder in a friendly way and went upstairs.

-

When Charlie got upstairs, he immediately saw Wilco’s wife Annette, who greeted him warmly.

“Charlie! Merveilleux de te voir, mon amour,” she said, hugging him. Charlie thought that it meant something like marvelous and my love, and figured a hug back was as good a response as any. 

“Hi, Annette,” he said, pulling back. “Are the kids here too?”

“Yes,” she said. “James took them down to the pitch to mess around on the field a bit before he came up.” She smiled. “I do miss having him around.”

“Do you have any new adoptees coming in, do you think?” asked Charlie.

“Oh, I am sure we will,” said Annette. “Trevor is always finding new stray players who miss their homes and want that again before their own flat.”

Charlie knew it was true. Yes, the teams set the players up with realtors and agents, but he knew Wilco reached out to some players, particularly those coming in from other countries, to offer them a transitory place to stay to get to know the family. It had made many younger members of the team feel welcome. 

“I’m sure if there are any mid-season trades Wilc-, I mean Trevor, will scoop them up,” said Charlie.

“He will,” said Annette fondly. “Now, do you know where Nick’s mother is? Trevor said that she would be coming and I wanted to meet her to tell her how lovely I think her son is.”

Charlie privately agreed. “Yes, she’s…over there.” He found Sarah, who was chatting with their team doctor, naturally. “I’ll introduce you.” He led Annette over to Sarah, and Dr. Darby excused himself, saying it was nice to meet Sarah..

“Sarah, this is Annette, Trevor Wilcox’s wife. Annette, this is Sarah, Nick’s mum.”

Sarah gave Annette a beaming look of fondness that was so reminiscent of Nick. 

“Annette,” she said, embracing her. “Thank you so much for taking care of my boy.”

"C'est un plaisir," said Annette, returning the hug. "Ton fils est un garçon merveilleux, tu l'as vraiment très bien élevé."

“Merci,” said Sarah back, her accent throaty and appropriately French. Charlie wondered at this for a moment before realizing that of course she spoke French, she was married to Nick’s dad for years. 

“Oh, Charlie, apologies,” said Annette. “How rude of me.”

“Do you speak French at all, Charlie?” asked Sarah. 

“No,” said Charlie. “A fair amount of Spanish but not French for me.”

“You’ll have to teach Nick!” said Sarah brightly. “We used to go to Mallorca when he was younger and I’d love to go back with him again.”

“I’ll…yeah,” said Charlie lamely, not sure how much to tell Sarah about him and Nick’s “friendship”. He was saved by the entrance of the players, starting to arrive from the locker room. Nick was one of the first, clearly eager to see his mum, and Charlie’s heart sped up a beat seeing Nick in his suit, a different one from the time they went to the rooftop bar. This one was a dark gray, and Nick looked amazing in it. Charlie tried not to stare at his arms as he hugged his mum…but that was easier said than done. 

“Mum, I see you’ve met Annette - and Charlie again,” said Nick, with a smile at all of them in turn.

“I have,” said Sarah. “What can I say, I just gravitate towards the people who take care of my boy.”

Nick laughed. “When did you get so sentimental, mum?”

“Go easy on her,” said Annette, smiling. “I know how bewildering it is to see your children grow up too quickly.”

The four of them chatted for a bit longer before Charlie made an excuse to allow Nick and his mum time to talk with each other and mingle. He subtly touched Nick’s elbow as he slipped away, rewarded by a grin from Nick and another hug from his mum.

“Charlie, it’s been lovely to meet you. I’ve put in for some Saturdays off well in advance, so I’m sure I’ll be seeing more of you and the rest of the team,” said Sarah. 

“That’s great,” said Charlie. “You’re apparently a good luck charm, so don’t be surprised if some of the team demands that you come to every game now, with the superstitions in that locker room.”

Sarah laughed, and it was Nick’s laugh, open and bright. “Yes. I do take full responsibility for the win and expect to be credited appropriately. Nicky, please tell the media such. I’ll see you soon, Charlie!”

For all the wonder Charlie had done about where Nick had gone so differently from his brother and dad, Sarah made it all much clearer. She was kind, a little cheeky, and so loving. Charlie was deeply glad that Nick had lived with Sarah after Stéphane had taken off. He couldn’t imagine what could have happened to the bright spark that was Nicholas Nelson in the oppressive house of Stéphane and David.

-

The next evening, Nick had plans to have dinner with his mum and Charlie, Amy, Isaac, Elle, and Tao finally had planned a night to get together for one of their favorite events. Every Monday, one of the local indoor food halls had a Broadway Babes night hosted by two drag queens. The night started with a sing-along of some well-known Broadway songs, then a Broadway drag roulette review, and finally, an open-mic opportunity for anyone who wanted to belt a show tune, accompanied by a piano. The crowd varied widely, and that was one of Charlie’s favorite things about it. The queens who ran the show did an excellent job of welcoming all, and making everyone who attended feel comfortable. 

On this particular night, there was a long table of loud, fun men, quite a few couples of varied genders and sexes and identities seemingly on dates, a number of families with kids and teens (which Charlie loved to see), and a fair number of people who might identify as anything - straight, queer, gay - sitting in groups. It was just a group of people who liked musicals and drag and being out on a Monday, and was one of Charlie’s favorite events in Leeds. 

The five of them settled around a table and ordered from the waiter who came around to take food and drink orders. Since the show took place in a food hall, they could order from any of the business’s menus, providing a huge variety of options. Amy and Elle opted to split a mushroom pizza, Tao got a pasta dish, Isaac a stir-fry, and Charlie a poke bowl. They sang along with the crowd as the queens led them through the group sing-alongs, including “What is this Feeling”, “One Day More”, and one of Charlie’s newest favorites, “Stars”, from the Mean Girls musical. The two queens, Emma Gination and Jo King, would lead the singing but periodically offer the mic to someone in the crowd, some eagerly seizing it and some shying away, frantically waving their hands as if to ward off the attention. 

Their table had a mix of reactions when offered the mic. Charlie, Isaac, and Elle could all sing fairly well, though Isaac was more willing to sing than either Elle or Charlie. Isaac had a tenor that always elicited cheers from the other attendees. While everyone who chose to sing was supported by the people who went, the ones who could really sing felt the crowd’s love even more. What Amy lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm. This was Tao’s first time at the Broadway Babes night, and Charlie watched the panic grow in his eyes as Jo got closer and closer with the mic. The welcoming wonder that she was, she read his look and shifted the mic to Amy instead, who cheerfully butchered part of Kristin Chenoweth’s iconic performance. They all laughed and cheered along to the drag Broadway roulette, Emma and Jo lip-syncing to one-minute snippets of Broadway songs, neither knowing what was coming next. When Emma climbed up on one of the food hall bars to faux-belt along to Defying Gravity, they all whooped and yelled with the rest of the crowd, waving money for the queens to collect. 

When it was time for the open mic, Isaac elected to sing his regular I Can’t Stand Still from Footloose, eliciting huge cheers from the crowd when he broke into some dance moves during the song. Amy convinced Charlie to join her in Say My Name from the Beetlejuice musical, and Elle and Tao enthusiastically cat-called them, from where they were sitting close together at the high table, legs nearly touching. 

After the last song was done, the five of them lingered for a while, enjoying this all-too-rare moment for them to be together mid-season. Charlie laughed until his sides hurt at Amy’s impression of Seamus at training earlier that day, running from a bee that seemed hell-bent on being near him. (He had insisted that he wasn’t scared, he was just trying to protect the bee since he heard their populations were falling.) Elle told them about her upcoming art show with Sahar at her gallery, and brought out some pictures of her latest pieces. Isaac, Amy, and Charlie had expressed surprise and delight at how far along her pieces were, while Tao just grinned proudly. Charlie clocked this - that Tao didn’t seem surprised at all. He must have seen the pieces that Elle was working on, further cementing Charlie’s suspicion that they were spending a lot of time together. Isaac filled the group in on the LGBTQ+ book club that he had recently spearheaded, Every Heart a Doorway their first book, which Charlie was interested to try, as it featured a lead ace character. 

Charlie felt like it was coming to be his turn to fill the group in on what was taking up his time. Which was…Nick. Well, work of course, but Nick, Nick every second that he could spend with him. So when Elle turned to him and kindly asked what was new with him after everyone else had shared a bit, he floundered for a moment. “Oh, you know what it’s like when we’re in season. Traveling with the team and all, and all of the mid-season injuries piling up.”

“Yeah?” asked Elle. “I know it’s way more intense for you two than it is for us.” She tilted her head to include Tao. “So many parts of so many bodies to make sure are staying healthy.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie distractedly, thinking of Nick. “I’ve been looking at a lot of body parts.”

Amy snorted and coughed, some of her drink coming out of her nose. Isaac handed her some napkins from the table as Charlie corrected himself, hurriedly. “I mean, yeah, we’ve been trying to look after so many parts. Of bodies. Injuries.” Fortunately, Isaac and Elle were distracted laughing at Amy, suffering the effects of carbonation through sinuses. God, Charlie needed to keep it together and not think about Nick. Which…was increasingly hard to do. 

He pulled it back together and they all chatted another hour, Isaac dropping Amy and Charlie off and Tao offering to take Elle. He thanked Isaac when he got to his flat and said goodbye to him and Amy. He took out his phone for the first time in a few hours and saw a string of messages from Nick.

Mum wants to go to TGI Fridays to “have it be like the old days”. How do I make this not happen?

Update: She’s had exactly one margarita and is absolutely pissed.

Also she keeps mentioning you 

How you’re a lovely young man

I think she might like you more than she likes me

But not more than i like you 

I mean it's not a competition but if it was…I would win. Forever. 🥰

Hope the show tunes…show…is/was fun x

Charlie smiled, reading the messages. From the little he’d seen, he’d love to see Sarah Nelson drunk. If she was anything like Nick, she had a surprisingly low tolerance for alcohol and a high proclivity for affection - though hopefully in a different format from how Nick showed it. 

It was nearly 10, and Charlie decided to chance calling Nick, assuming that his mum would be in bed after her apparent single-shot bender. Nick picked up almost immediately; he must have been looking at his phone. 

“Hi,” said Nick, and Charlie could hear the smile in his voice. “I was hoping I’d get to hear from you.”

“Yeah?” said Charlie, unable to hide his own dumb smile. 

“Always. How was it?”

“So great,” said Charlie. “I forgot how much fun it is. It was really nice to see everyone, too.”

“Was the whole group there?” asked Nick.

“Yeah, everyone was - Amy and Isaac and Elle and Tao. How was your night? Sounds like Sarah tied one on,” Charlie said with a laugh. 

Nick huffed, sounding both amused and exasperated. “Christ, Charlie, TGI Fridays? I wanted to take her somewhere nice, but she kept talking about our Sunday tradition she and I used to do after my matches as a kid. We used to go there all the time - she said I thought it was so funny to go to TGI Friday’s on a Sunday, and she probably reminded me of that story four times.”

Charlie smiled, his cheek pressing against the phone. “That’s sweet, Nick. I bet it made her really happy.”

“It did,” Nick agreed. “Speaking of being happy…she said some nice things, too.”

“Oh yeah?” asked Charlie. “Like what?”

“She…she mentioned how I seem a lot happier here. How I seemed more like I used to be when I was younger. I - I almost wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her that I finally feel like myself.” Charlie breathed in. Clearly it didn’t sound like Nick had told Sarah about his sexuality, but still, Nick even considering it - and wanting to - was a huge step. “She specifically mentioned the team and how I seemed much more myself than I had on other teams.” Nick paused. “She mentioned you, like I said. I told her a little bit - told her that we’ve been hanging out a lot. She said you seemed like a really good friend for me.”

“She only met me for a few minutes,” said Charlie, deflecting a little. 

“Who’d need more than that?” asked Nick, simply. 

Charlie flushed, glad they weren’t FaceTiming. “You - you do seem happier, Nick. Even just the past few weeks, it seems like things have shifted a little.”

“Does it?” asked Nick softly. 

“It does,” said Charlie. “You did a great job of shaking off that Harlequins match. You’ve been doing a lot of processing around what it means to be queer in sport, and even if you’re not ready to be…out, or open, or whatever, you’re not just ignoring it. You’re talking about it. That’s huge. You’re doing an incredible job with all of this, ba - Nick.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Were you just about to call me babe?” asked Nick, and Charlie could hear the marvel in his voice. 

Charlie covered his face with his free hand, even though Nick couldn’t see him. “No,” he mumbled through his palm. “I was about to call you…baby.”

“Baby…” said Nick. Another breath, Charlie’s heart in his throat. “I love that, Char.”

“You do?” asked Charlie, still squirming a little in embarrassment, but soothed by Nick’s use of the nickname. 

“Yeah…please - can…will you say that again?”

Charlie smiled again. “You’re doing an incredible job, baby.” He heard Nick sigh, sounding content. 

“Thanks, Char,” he said quietly, his voice a little rougher than before with emotion. Charlie heard him clear his throat. “That…that feels really good. Not just - what you called me. But also, what you said. About what I’m doing well. It doesn’t always feel like that in my own head.”

“You’re doing so many things, Nick, for the team and for yourself. And for me. And you’re doing them so well.”

“I…” Nick trailed off. “I really appreciate hearing you say that. I really benefit from positive reinforcement…or at least that’s what Lucy told me.”

Charlie paused, not wanting to make a bigger deal out of this than Nick would want, but recognizing that it was a huge fucking deal, and something that was great for Nick. “Oh? Did you start seeing Lucy?”

“Yeah,” said Nick. “I started talking to her before the Chiefs game. It was a little rough for the first few times, but she was so much help after the Harlequins. That’s actually…where I went when I said I was working out when we got back. Sorry for not saying anything yet, I was nervous I was going to hate it and want to quit or something. But it’s been really good, honestly. And…it makes me…I wish I had done it years ago.”

Charlie swallowed, his throat tight with pride. “No sorries. I totally get that starting fear. And I remember thinking the same thing when I started therapy, too - that I wish I had done it way sooner.”

“She - knows about me now. And has been really helpful. I guess she’s worked with other players who were gay and closeted and stuff on the teams she’s worked with. It’s been…it’s been great to be able to talk to her. And you, of course.”

“And you can talk to me about anything, Nick,” said Charlie. “But there’s something special about a therapist - it’s a different kind of support than you can get from anyone who’s in your life.”

“Yeah…and she’s clearly really good at it, too. She’s already pointed out a lot of stuff to me. Things like maybe I knew a little bit, but stuff that I guess I didn’t get why it was a thing or how it mattered at all.”

“Yeah?” said Charlie encouragingly, wanting Nick to go on. 

“Stuff like…well, she pointed out that I didn’t get much positive reinforcement from my dad at all, just my mum. And then when he left, that turned into, like, a craving, and I was - or am I guess - now even more sensitive to criticism. ‘Cuz, like…I think if I do better, then there won’t be stuff to criticize. She said we’ll work with that a lot, but pointed out that it’s a losing battle if I think of it like that. When you’re a public figure, someone’ll always hate you, or think you should be doing something different or better. Even just any person in general, there’s always someone who won’t think you’re good enough, but when you have even more attention on you…” Nick paused for a beat. “She also pointed out that I shut down when I feel attacked. I did that a lot in our first few sessions. She said it’s a defense that I use. And I’m going to try to work on that, too. Her mantra for me right now is ‘reaching out, not walling in’.”

“Nick, this is all so amazing. I’m so glad you started seeing her. I know a ton of the other guys see her and all say she’s done a lot for them. And I know it was probably hard to make yourself go for the first time. But you did. And you’ve kept going. I’m…I’m so proud of you, baby.”

It was quiet on Nick’s end of the line, and Charlie thought he could hear his breath hitching a little. When he spoke again, his voice wavered, as if he was on the edge of tears. “Thanks, Char. Just - thank you.”

Charlie wished he was holding Nick right now, getting to see Nick let go a little and show himself a little more, even just to Lucy and himself. “It’s getting late. You need some rest. I can’t wait to see you this week.”

“Yeah,” said Nick. “Me neither.” Another pause. “Sleep well, Char. I wish I was there with you.”

“I wish you were too, baby.”

-

The next few days went by quickly. The Badgers’ next match was their first in December, and it was the last one before the European Rugby Champions Cup kicked off the following week. While the Sunday fixture had been nice on the previous week’s end to give an extra day of rest, it now meant that they had one fewer day this week to practice, get healthy, and rest before they played the Tigers in Leicester. 

Charlie and Nick had only gotten to spend one evening and night together that week, their time compressed by how long training went and how early they’d need to get up the next day. While both of them loved getting to sleep together, they hadn’t had enough time keep exploring the physical side of their relationship. Charlie knew that there would be plenty of time for that later…but it did not help that Nick was so fit, and that Charlie had to see him shirtless more often than not around the locker room. And Nick was of no help, with his flirty messages and his propensity to sneak kisses when no one else was around. 

On the bus to the Leicester hotel, nearly everyone was asleep. Amy had bunched up her windbreaker against the window and was passed out, her head knocking a little against the glass. Charlie reached over and tugged up the fabric a little bit to provide some cushioning, Amy murmuring a little. He would have liked to sleep, too, but his mind kept drifting back to Nick, thinking about his strong arms. How he carried Charlie easily up the stairs at his place. How he could throw Charlie over his shoulder like he weighed nothing at all. How those arms felt holding him down when they were kissing on one of their couches. How he’d be able to throw Charlie down against a bed and…

Charlie made sure that Amy was asleep, and then pulled out his phone.

u up?

LOL. Yeah, I’m awake. Why aren’t you sleeping?

Can’t…

thinking about you

🍆💪🫦

God, Char

I’ve been thinking about you all week

I can’t wait until we’re at the hotel

PS im not sure what you’re implying with the arm emoji but the other two…

just…thinking about your arms.

My arms?

oh yeah

Hmm…interesting. Do you like my arms, Charles?

I do. i really, really do. you have strong rugby arms. I want them all over me 

Strong rugby arms? LOL

shut up

but yeah…god, i can’t wait to have your hands on me. as soon as fucking possible

i want to feel you laying on top of me

can’t wait until you’re touching me

jesus Char

I have a little problem here now

what? is seamus awake?

No, he’s dead to the world

Charlie received a picture, with just enough light captured that he could see it showed the lap of Nick’s joggers. He could just make out the outline of Nick’s dick pressing against the soft fabric in the photo. Charlie inhaled sharply. 

holy shit. baby…that is so hot

and that’s not a ‘little’ problem ahem

Send me your room number as soon as you get it at the hotel

Are we there yet

Are we there yet

Are we there yet 

When at last they finally arrived at the hotel, the players shuffled by first to get their room keys while Charlie and Amy stayed behind, waiting to get off the bus so they could set aside their gear for the next day. Nick passed by them, one of the last from where he sat in the back with Wilco and Seamus. Amy was still waking up grumpily, her face obscured by her windbreaker, and Nick shot Charlie a look. It was pure lust, and Charlie couldn’t wait to see it on Nick’s face when they were together in one of their rooms. He hurried through the staff work, mollified only a little that he knew Nick was going to talk with Wilco and Seamus about training tomorrow before he came to Charlie’s. He knew that Nick unfortunately couldn’t stay tonight, as Charlie’s room was next to Wilco’s and Wilco got up disgustingly early, conditioned from his kids. It was just too risky that Nick could leave and be seen. Nick had messaged Charlie to tell him the bad news about staying over, but asked if he could still “say goodnight”. 

It was long, too long before Nick knocked on Charlie’s door lightly. Charlie was knackered, but he knew he was awake enough for this. When he opened the door, he was nearly bowled over by Nick, who charged him like a bull, grabbing him round the middle and pushing him onto the bed. Charlie laughed and pulled Nick on top of him. Nick tried to roll away, but Charlie held him still. 

“No,” said Charlie. “I want to feel the weight of a man on top of me for a second.”

Nick laughed. “Okay, Carrie Bradshaw.”

Charlie blinked. “You watched Sex and the City?”

“Of course I did,” said Nick. “I had a girlfriend in Uni who loved it. I pretended to hate it, but…”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “You’re such a basic bitch.”

“And you’re a goddamn Samantha, you tease,” murmured Nick, pushing himself up on his hands and rutting against Charlie, making him gasp a little. “Doing that to me on the bus when I couldn’t do anything about it.” Charlie could already feel Nick against his leg, feel Nick brushing closer to his crotch.

“Are you already…” Charlie started to say.

“I’ve been half like this since the bus. That was the longest captain’s meeting of my life.” Nick looked down at Charlie, his brown eyes looking darker than normal, eyes intense. “I couldn’t wait to be here. With you.”

Charlie met Nick’s gaze, and reached his head up to kiss Nick, hard. “Now you are. What do you want to do with me?”

Nick growled. Oh, this was not good for Charlie’s dick, which was already uncomfortably hard, almost too quickly. “I want to touch you. All over.” He grabbed the waistband of Charlie’s joggers and quickly met Charlie’s eyes, who nodded, and then ripped them down. Charlie’s cock sprang out of his trousers. “Oh, hello,” said Nick. “Looks like the bus talk wasn’t just my problem, then.”

Charlie just grinned and took off his shirt, appreciating Nick’s happy, soft look as he did so. He pulled off Nick's too, and pulled Nick closer to his chest again, working Nick’s trackies away while kissing him intensely. It was just their bodies now, pressed against each other. They hadn’t had a moment like this since they had spent the day at Nick’s flat, and Charlie could already feel his mind unraveling with heat. Charlie kissed Nick again, and then pressed a palm against his chest until Nick got the hint and turned over, laying on his back. Charlie positioned his body so that he was half laying next to Nick, half laying on top of him. He ran his hand down Nick’s body as he rubbed his thigh over Nick’s, Nick closing his eyes and driving his head back into the pillow. 

Charlie ran his hand back down Nick’s chest, past his abdomen, then tracing down his v-cut, veering away from Nick’s eager dick and tracking down his thigh. Nick shivered, and Charlie continued his tease, rubbing Nick’s inner thighs firmly with the palm of his hand. Charlie looked at Nick, then drew his hand up to his mouth, licking his palm and fingers slowly, obscenely. Nick’s eyes, huge and dark, following Charlie’s hand as it dropped from his mouth to Nick’s cock, wrapping around it, slippery with saliva. Charlie hadn’t brought any lube on this trip, but this - seeing the look on Nick’s face was worth it. Charlie even considered for a moment progressing - using his mouth on Nick, but didn’t want their first time with that on a night when Nick couldn’t stay, when everything was a little rushed. 

He rubbed his thumb over the head of Nick’s cock and mixed the pre-come along with the wetness of his hand. Nick arched slightly off the bed, his sounds much quieter than Charlie would have liked and had heard when they were at his place, but appropriately cautious with the shared walls. Charlie jumped a little bit when he saw and felt Nick’s hand slide between his thighs and cup his balls, gently. 

“Do - do you like that at all?” whispered Nick. Oh, my god, yes Charlie did. Charlie had never felt had someone else do this to him before, but god did he love it.

“Yes,” breathed Charlie, as Nick worked him a little. He watched, his own eyes half-closed, as Nick took his hand away, licked it, and worked Charlie’s dick, stroking up and down, using Charlie’s own pre-come as extra makeshift lubricant as well. They were both too worked up from the hours of pining to last longer than a few minutes, and Nick came first, stomach tightening and hands stopping on Charlie as he pulsated, dick jerking against his stomach and Charlie’s hand. He sighed and smiled, but only lay there a moment before he rolled Charlie on his back to work him with two hands, one on his shaft and the other playing with his balls. Charlie came with a swallowed sound, breathing heavily as Nick worked him through it. 

After a moment, Nick got out of bed, always eager to take care of him. Charlie loved this about him. He brought them washcloths from the bathroom and cleaned himself up first, using the other one on Charlie, encouraging him to relax and let him do the work. When they were both in a more settled state and after a little more cuddling, Nick reluctantly had said goodnight and kissed Charlie, laughingly tucking him in bed like a kid, even pushing the duvet tight under his cheeks before kissing him once more. 

Once Nick had left and Charlie had unearthed himself from the cocoon Nick had built him, Charlie tried to go to sleep. He was a little frustrated and sad to not be sleeping alongside Nick, but resigned. They knew this would happen. And it had all been fairly easy so far, to be honest. Yes, he wanted far more time with Nick than he had gotten, but the hiding hadn’t felt as painful as he’d steeled himself for. At least not until this trip. Charlie ached with the desire to sleep with Nick, and comforted himself by cuddling up to the firmest pillow he could find on the bed. It wasn’t Nick - at all - and he couldn’t wait to hold the real thing again.

-

The next day at the very tail end of training, Nick took an elbow to the face and split his lip. Amy was helping Fitzy with some stretches, so Charlie and Nick walked back to the visiting PT room. Nick hoisted himself on the table and Charlie got some cotton wadding and gauze to take a look at the damage. Charlie leaned in close to Nick, taking a look. It didn’t seem too bad, but the lip would definitely swell a little. Nick seemed fairly unbothered by it, and his eyes met Charlie’s, filled with flirtation. 

“You should probably check to see if I have full range of motion and use and everything, right?” asked Nick, spreading his thighs a little wider so Charlie could slot in even closer between them. 

“Mm,” said Charlie. “Yes, that is definitely on page 37 of the physio handbook.” He moved his hand that was pressing a cold pack to Nick’s bottom lip and gave Nick a brief, gentle kiss, not wanting to hurt him. He drew back to say something else when the door of the PT room opened unexpectedly. 

“Oi, Springtime, can I get some Deep Heat?” called Lucas as he came in.

Charlie stayed where he was, knowing that jumping back would look even more suspicious. He was desperately grateful that he and Nick were at least somewhat separated and that the cold pack was still in his hand. And he was treating Nick’s lip, so it was normal to be this near to Nick’s face.

“Yeah, definitely,” said Charlie, heart hammering under his ribs. He turned to the cabinet behind him and sorted through the supplies, taking extra time to let his breath settle. That had been so close. 

Lucas was asking Nick about his lip, which Nick said was fine, just a little banged up. Lucas nodded and said that he’d hide Will’s post-shower towel in revenge, which Nick laughed at, though Charlie knew it sounded a little forced. 

Charlie handed the Deep Heat to Lucas. “All good?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, nothing to worry about, just want some for my elbow. Thanks, Springer. See ya, Nelson.”

Lucas left, closing the door, and Charlie looked at Nick, who had sagged on the table, his head in his hands, covering his face. 

“Sorry, that’s my fault,” said Charlie desperately. “I should have locked the door.”

“No…” said Nick. “It’s not your fault.” He raised his head and leaned it back, looking at the ceiling. “Fuck!” he half-shouted and Charlie jumped a little. “God, no, sorry, it’s not you, Charlie. I just don’t like this, this constant…fuckery of wanting to be with you and wanting to hide, still. It just…I’m mad. At like, the situation, but also myself. I want to be ready…but I’m just not. I’m not, Charlie.”

“Hey,” said Charlie. “Absolutely not. Don’t talk to my friend Nick like that.”

Nick huffed out a half a laugh and looked at him. “I know this is hard for you, too. It’s not just about me.”

“Well, yeah,” said Charlie. “But I meant what I said at Harry’s party. It’s worth it to me. You are worth it.”

Nick closed his eyes and took a breath in as if trying to take in Charlie’s words with even more of his senses than just hearing. “Yeah. God. How do you always know to say the exact right thing to me?”

“I don’t, always…and I don’t know the right way for us to do this either. But…this was a good reminder that if we’re on the road or at work, we may want to be a little more careful.”

Nick looked at him, a little pained, but seeming to know he was right. “Yeah. You’re right.” He looked at Charlie. “Guess we’ll need to make up for it when we’re alone, huh?”

“Absolutely,” said Charlie, with a wink. 

-

The match with the Tigers was an absolute shoot-out. The Badgers’ offense looked just as good as they did last week, but unfortunately, the Tigers were just as hot. It was a try-heavy match that ended in a 47-47 draw, despite the mad push at the end by both teams. Nick had scored two tries and been awarded Badger Bill for his intelligent play and Wilco told the team they should be proud. Despite the draw, their offense had finally clicked again, and though they had all hoped for a win, a points-heavy draw with the defending Champion Tigers was welcomed.

When Nick crashed into Charlie’s hotel room bed after the team outing, they were both so tired that they couldn’t do more than exchange a few words and find a way to lay where they were most connected. Charlie felt so good laying there with Nick, even knowing that the week after would be a busy one. The first round of the Champion’s cup started with their fixture against Northampton the following week and it would be chock-a-block full of training, team meetings, video review, and physio prep for the team. 

When they returned home on the bus the following morning, Amy took Charlie home. In the car, they chatted a little bit about Christmas and their plans for it. The team always hosted a nice series of events for families, which Charlie’s whole family was coming up for this year, Olly overjoyed at the idea. Wilco and his wife hosted an annual party, which both Amy and Charlie agreed was a must-do; last year had been riotously fun even without the relationships Charlie had with most of the team members now. Amy, who was Canadian, was planning on the “team stray” Christmas that Coach Singh always hosted. When Charlie asked who was attending, Amy said she assumed it would be some of the same crew from last year - Danny, whose family was in Australia, Seamus, whose Irish family often went abroad for the holidays and whose girlfriend left town with her hers, Stig, and Lucas, and sometimes some others. She dropped him off and blew a kiss, telling him to enjoy his day.

After working out, grocery shopping, and generally getting his life together, Charlie settled onto his couch, ready for some quiet time to mindlessly scroll Insta and Twitter. Both of his feeds were an interesting combination of gay, dog, and sport content from his work and personal life. It was always a little jarring to see a series of Gary Janetti posts and Grindr memes followed by hard-hitting rugby news accounts, interspersed with the bounciest puppies. Charlie had exhausted Insta for the moment and switched over to Twitter. He didn’t post much, but reacted to a few of his favorite accounts and was going to shut his phone off when he saw a new trending topic - BadgersLeedership. 

Charlie frowned and clicked onto the trend, immediately finding a video that seemed to have kicked it off. An interviewer was talking to David Nelson about the upcoming Champions Cup playoffs, asking about the Wasps’ draw in the first round of the tournament. The reporter then asked David what his thoughts were about his brother’s team and their match against the Saints. 

In the video, David smirked. “Well, they’ve been pretty uneven, haven’t they? Goes to be seen if they can get their act together for when the points really matter.”

“You’ve mentioned that before, David,” said the reporter. “What would you say is the cause of the Badgers' uneven offense and play?”

“It comes down to leadership,” said David. “You might have a veteran leader as head captain in there, but you add other leaders who aren’t ready, get in their heads, make mental mistakes - is that really someone who’s going to drive a team to victory?”

The reporter raised an eyebrow, tasting blood. “And would you be speaking of your brother, assistant captain Nick Nelson?”

David laughed, but it sounded nothing like Nick’s. It was more of a sneer than a laugh, a challenge. “I didn’t mention any names. I’m just saying - you see a team that’s a head case, you look at their leadership.”

Charlie felt sick, even sicker than anything else he had read about David. Clearly, he knew that Nick took games and the mantle of leadership hard, and this was his way of getting into Nick’s head before the playoffs. David would have no way of knowing Nick had just started to see Lucy, but the timing would likely not be easy for Nick. And seriously, who the fuck would do that to their own brother?

Charlie called Nick several times, who didn’t answer. It looked like this had started trending a few hours ago, so Charlie was absolutely sure Nick, who obsessed a bit too much over social media, had already seen it. He messaged him several times, and after an hour, sat worrying when he hadn’t heard back. 

After stewing a while, Charlie called Seamus, who picked up on the first ring. 

“I haven’t been able to get in touch with him,” Seamus said by way of greeting, his voice tight with concern. “Fuck, Springer, he doesn’t need this right now.”

“I know,” said Charlie. “I haven’t been able to either. Let me know if you hear from him and I’ll do the same, yeah?”

“For sure,” said Seamus. “I’ll keep trying, too.”

Charlie tried Wilco next. 

“Hello?”

“Wilco, it’s Charlie. Did you see that interview?”

“I did,” said Wilco grimly. “Utter shit. The reporter goaded him a little, but bloody hell, what a fucking tosser.”

“You haven’t heard from him, have you?” asked Charlie.

“No,” said Wilco. “But I can’t imagine I’d be his first call before Seamus-”

“-I tried him already,” Charlie interrupted.

“Or you,” finished Wilco.

Charlie froze for a moment. “Oh. Yeah, maybe. Well, I’ll keep trying and let you know if I hear.”

“Same, will do,” said Wilco. 

Charlie was just considering going to Nick’s after they hung up and was in fact putting on his coat to make the trip over when he heard a quiet knock at the door. Charlie rushed to it and opened it, to find Nick there, in a team jacket and looking utterly dejected. Charlie’s heart swelled with empathy and love and fury at David, and he pulled Nick inside.

Charlie closed the door, and took Nick’s face in his hands. He pulled Nick’s head to his shoulder, and nestled it in the soft place on his neck, leaning his cheek against Nick’s hair. Nick was a good 6 inches taller than him, but he melted into Charlie’s embrace, his whole body slumping a little. 

“Hi, baby,” said Charlie after a few minutes, whispering against Nick’s hair. Nick just gave a sigh in response. “Let’s sit down.”

He pulled Nick gently to the middle of the couch and sat near the arm of one end, pulling Nick’s head into his lap this time. Nick closed his eyes as Charlie rubbed his fingers through his hair. 

“Do you want to talk through anything yet?” asked Charlie. Nick shook his head. “That’s okay. Even just…coming here. You did exactly what Lucy said. Reaching out, not walling in.” Charlie let silence fall again for a moment. “What would feel good? A nap? A shower? Something to eat?”

“I think…I think a shower sounds nice, honestly,” said Nick. 

“Okay, great,” said Charlie. “A bunch of your stuff is here, so that makes it easy; I can put it out for when you’re done. Let me go heat up the water for you and I can make some tea for you after you get out, too.”

“Will you join me?” asked Nick. He didn’t look lusty this time, though, just…lonely. 

“Of course,” said Charlie, heart aching again. He led Nick to the shower and heated up the water, taking off Nick’s shirt and trackies and doing the same with his own clothes. As he undressed, he felt Nick behind him, wrapping around him with his larger frame, pressing his bare skin against Charlie’s. 

“I don’t, though - uh, I’m not really in the mood to…” Nick said, trailing off.

Charlie turned around to hug him again. “Me neither,” he said. They showered together and Charlie rubbed Nick’s shoulders and back, kissing him gently and taking care of him the way Nick often did. By the time they got out, Nick seemed marginally better, and after they dried off and dressed, Charlie pulled Nick into his bedroom. 

“Let’s just lay here for a little, yeah?” asked Charlie.

“That sounds perfect,” said Nick. He laid on his back and drew Charlie closer, pulling him across his chest and wrapping his arms around Charlie tightly. Charlie rubbed his hand along Nick’s chin, tracing his lips with his thumb. “I…can we have some tea later? And talk a little about it?”

“Of course,” said Charlie. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

“Char.” Nick said his name with a softness that tugged at Charlie’s chest. He didn’t say anything else, but in that word, Charlie heard everything that he too felt for Nick. Care, relief, comfort…and maybe love? Oh, he’d come back to that thought later, in the privacy of his own mind. For today and tonight, they’d sleep here, they’d talk, and they’d be able to leave Charlie’s flat tomorrow having worked through an uglier side of the world…together. Charlie closed his eyes, and lay with Nick, their breath syncing as they drew each other even closer. 

Chapter Text

Charlie and Nick spent the night talking, snuggling, and making each other laugh, each hour getting a little easier. Nick emailed Lucy to ask for a session the following day and she responded quickly, confirming that they were good to meet. When Nick felt up for it, he called Wilco and Seamus. Charlie offered his bedroom to Nick for some privacy on his calls, though Nick waved him off. Charlie could just hear Wilco’s reassuring tone as he talked to Nick, seemingly offering encouragement and paternal coaching. Charlie could very clearly hear Seamus, raging against David and cursing creatively, making Nick laugh. He was so glad that Nick was really listening to Lucy, and reaching out both to Charlie and his teammates. Nick was getting different types of support from each of them, and Charlie figured that it had to be a good thing. 

After Nick hung up the phone, they had turned on another of Nick’s childhood comfort movies, this time The Little Giants. Charlie had never seen it, and every time he burst out laughing, he could see Nick, beaming at him and nodding, like I know, right? When they had gone to bed a few hours later, Nick had pulled him close and murmured how thankful he was for Charlie. Charlie had reached up to scratch Nick’s scalp and whisper the same things back, his chest tight with fondness. He’d only known Nick since August, and they’d only really been together six weeks or so, but god, this man…He hadn’t realized how much brighter the colors in his world could be until Nick had come in, a burst of joy and light shining in. Not that Charlie hadn’t had a rich life before. It was just amazing how much richer it was with Nick in it. 

The following week zipped by, without much time outside of work. It was getting into mid-season, and injuries were piling up, keeping Charlie and Amy busy and staying at the stadium late. Nick was meeting with Seamus and Wilco more with the first game of the Champions Cup coming up, conferring with the coaches and chatting with players who needed some guidance and encouragement. On the nights when Charlie and Nick couldn’t stay with each other, they still called or texted to wish each other good night. 

Their next fixture, their last before the first round against the Saints, was an away match against Bath. Danny had decided that the team was long overdue for a team bonding session, and offered to host anyone who wanted to join for a Formula 1 watch party the following day. The team bus was due to return the same Saturday as the match, and though combined fixture and travel days were long, Charlie knew it would be nice to have that full day on Sunday to relax with the team. Danny made sure to personally invite Charlie and Amy, and both had agreed to go. 

Amy was a big F1 fan, but Charlie didn’t know much about it. He set about some research, looking at pictures of all of the drivers and very quickly deciding that he was a firm Carlos Sainz fan. For…racing reasons. It worked out, too, since Nick was a Ferrari fan himself and Sainz was one of their drivers. Charlie almost wished he hadn’t mentioned his research to Nick, though, as he had received an endless number of resources and commentary from Nick to learn more about the sport. Charlie wasn’t sure why he was supposed to know (or care) about hard, medium, and soft tire types, but apparently they were very significant. 

The team headed to Bath on Thursday, arriving late after a long slog through traffic. Training and run-throughs seemingly went well on Friday, though Charlie and Amy were slightly overwhelmed with how many appointments they needed to squeeze in. The mid-season was upon them, and with it, injuries had started to pile up. None of the starters had anything catastrophic, but Charlie and Amy kept an eye on even anything small to ensure that nothing small got bigger. They worked late into the night Friday, and Charlie barely kept his eyes open for a sweet good-night call with Nick.

The weather was cold and rainy for the fixture, and Charlie knew it was going to be a bone-chilling day for all of them. He recalled a few dirty hits and comments from the Bath players the previous match, and correctly anticipated that there’d be a fair amount of penalties. He knew he was biased, but the referee seemed firmly on the side of Bath, Wilco earning an early-match warning for expressing his frustration with the calls. The entire team was soaked, tired, and aching when the second half came around. 

About twenty minutes into the second half, Harry tackled the rushing Bath fullback, and while it looked fairly clean to Charlie’s inexpert eye, the Bath player lay on the ground and the referee blew the whistle. The referee called Harry for dangerous play, earning him a 10-minute sit in the Sin Bin, leaving the Badgers down a man for nearly the rest of the match. The Bath player hopped up like a footballer after the call, seemingly miraculously cured, and Charlie saw the fury on Harry’s face. The match had been incredibly tight throughout, and the man-down was the tipping point that Bath needed to surge ahead, scoring two tries during the penalty. Nick’s late-fixture try was valiant, but the Badgers ended up dropping the match 43-35, and everyone was annoyed going back to the locker room. 

Players were sitting on the benches before showers, Coach Croft firmly telling the team that they needed to shake this one off, that they played strong and well, but that this one just didn’t go their way. Everyone was mollified that at least this wasn’t the Saints game for the Cup, and that it wouldn’t change their position on the table. Still, there was a low mood in the locker room when Coach Croft finished his talk, and conversations were quiet. 

As the players stripped down after the match to shower and change, Charlie heard Harry’s louder voice cutting through the murmured conversations, still angry about the call against him. 

“It was such bullshit,” he said. “I didn’t even tackle him that hard. What a fucking fairy queer.”

The reaction was immediate and mixed. The locker room went quiet as everyone heard what Harry said, his grating voice too loud to be ignored. Charlie heard a few awkward chuckles from the younger players he was talking to. He heard Lucas and Lunker, further away, say “woah”. A few heads snapped up, like Danny’s and Nick’s. Seamus stood up. James looked briefly at Harry, then the ground. Wilco, who had been taking off his jersey, turned around, and slowly walked towards Harry. The younger players around him shifted their gaze, looking away from Harry and Wilco. 

Harry shifted as Wilco walked towards him. “What did you say, Greene?” he asked. His tone was soft, but it wasn’t kind. It sounded dangerous. 

“I - nothing. Just that that kid’s a wanker. He took a dive, mate.”

“That’s not what you said.”

Harry looked around, seemingly hoping someone would come rescue him. No one did. “I - just...it-”

Wilco cut him off. “I’ll say this once. You can be frustrated about a game. You can dislike someone’s play. You can get pissy about the refereeing. You can even shout about any of that shit as much as you want in the locker room. Here’s what you can’t do. You cannot use language like that on this team. You do that again, I’ll do everything I can to make sure it’s way longer than 10 minutes you’re off the field. Fucking got it?”

Harry started to respond, thought better of it, and stopped. He nodded, his jaw working. 

“Good,” said Wilco. He gave Harry one last hard look and turned away. Charlie saw Harry’s face tighten, looking like he was trying to swallow down his anger. When Charlie cast his eyes away, he saw a variety of expressions on the rest of the team’s faces. Some looked uncomfortable, and others were nodding to what Wilco had said, like Will and Lucas. Seamus was also looking at Harry, something shifting on his face like he was seeing Harry for the first time. Nick looked a little red, but his chin was raised and he looked like he was heartened by what Wilco said. Charlie caught James’s eye for a moment, who then looked away. 

When Charlie and Nick spoke about it later that night, Nick seemed all right. 

“Harry’s a twat,” said Nick. “But I guess in some ways, it’s a good reminder of the people who are like him. People who aren’t, like, actively homophobic, but use language like that that marginalizes people…there are a lot like him.” He paused, considering. “But there are a lot of people, like Wilco, too.”

They had talked about it for a while. It had been a jarring moment, but it had also been good to see how Wilco had reacted, and many of the boys, too. Nick said he was going to talk more about it with Lucy as his next session, and Charlie was grateful they had a captain like Wilco. 

-

Danny’s sitting room was packed with large bodies, nearly 20 of the players coming to join for the F1 watch party. Charlie was shoved next to Nick on one of the couches, which neither of them seemed too upset about. Amy was leaning her back against Charlie’s shins, insisting she preferred to sit on the floor. Danny had ordered in some catering and several of the players had brought some food - and a fair amount of alcohol. No one had gotten the chance to go out last night with the travel back to Leeds, and with Monday off, Charlie knew that there was some day-drinking to be had. Many of the lads were drinking mimosas, which Charlie gladly joined in on.

The room was loud with players talking about the teams or drivers they supported, and there was a distinctly locker room feel to the conversation. 

“Yeah, mate, I’m all about Verstappen. He’s brilliant.”

“Oh, c’mon, Verstappen’s so goddamn whiny.”

“You’re so goddamn whiny.”

“Your mum's so goddamn whiny.”

“Wow, great joke. 1994 called and it wants its insults back.”

“1994 called and they offered your hairline back.”

“Oi!”

“Oh, suck a toad’s dick, did Mercedes get penalized again? Why is Russel so far back in the grid? He had a great quali yesterday.”

“Suck a toad’s dick?”

“Sure, suck a toad’s dick, lick a llama’s salty nipple…take your pick.”

“Do toads even have dicks?”

“I dunno…Amy? Do toads have dicks?”

“How the fuck would I know?”

“‘Cuz, like…science? Fine. Charlie? Do toads have dicks?”

“Sure. Yes. Sure, toads have dicks.”

“Thanks, Springtime.”

As the race time ticked closer, the coverage showed the grid position of each driver and flashed the driver’s pictures on the screen. When Daniel Ricciardo’s picture flashed up, Danny paused the TV and plastered himself next to the screen. “Look, you lot! It’s me!” He angled his head to imitate Ricciardo, earning boos and groans from his teammates. Honestly, the wide grins and white teeth were fairly similar between the two Australians, Charlie had to give him that. But Danny’s surfer-ish dirty blonde hair was fairly different from Ricciardo’s shorter, curly brown hair, and Danny was loads more stout and built than the driver.

Someone threw a balled-up napkin at him. “You wish. Your mug is so ugly that when your mum dropped you off for school the police gave her a fine for littering.”

There was a hoot of laughter and Danny withdrew from in front of the TV, laughing along. Other faces came on the screen, players calling out for the drivers and constructors that they supported. Ferrari’s drivers were both on the second row.

“You’re a Leclerc fan, right Nelson?” asked Will. 

“Oh, yeah,” said Nick. “He’s brilliant. I followed him all through F3 and F2 and then his first season at Sauber before he came to Ferrari.”

“Oi, he looks a bit like Springtime!” exclaimed Seamus, pointing between Leclerc and Charlie. He was on Nick’s other side on the same small couch. Charlie could see the resemblance, a little. A few other players agreed

“I guess a little, yeah,” said Nick, flushing a tiny bit before the front row of the grid came up and attention shifted to Max Verstappen and Lewis Hamilton, sparking a long discussion about the 2021 World Championship and some final race scandal Charlie still didn’t quite follow, despite Nick’s mini-dissertation on it in the car on the way over. He understood that someone named Michael Masi was a very, very controversial figure. 

The race was about to begin when Seamus’s phone rang. He glanced at it and gave a small sigh, standing up to answer. “Be right back, boys. Need to take this to not get in trouble.” The players who heard gave a soft round of boos, which he waved off. “Hello?” There was a quick pause where his eyes flicked over to Amy, still in front of Charlie and watching the TV. “...Yeah, why?” His brows knitted in annoyance for a moment and he took his call out of the sitting room, drifting away down the hall. 

The race began and Charlie started to understand a little of the excitement of the sport. There was a wild pile-up on the first corner, and several cars were taken out of the race. The clean-up caused a safety car and then a red flag, and Charlie made the mistake of asking why those two things had happened. Several eager rugby lads’ explanations later, Charlie was another full mimosa in while the race paused for track clean-up. The mimosa helped him care, or at least pretend to care. Nick was grinning as he watched Charlie get pelted with F1 knowledge from all angles and pretend as though he was invested in the information. While Charlie wasn’t sure if he’d ever be a die-hard Formula 1 fan, he did still like this a lot - this camaraderie. He reflected again, not for the first time, how much he felt like he was at least some part of the team this year. 

Seamus came back about twenty minutes later, right in time for the restart. 

“All right, mate?” asked Nick, looking up.

“Yeah,” said Seamus shortly. “S’fine.” He looked at the TV, where the cars were on the grid ready for the restart. “Oh, fuck, what did I miss?!”

“Yuki underbraked on the chicane and went off and then rammed into Latifi when he rejoined, which took out Vettel’s wing,” said Nick. Charlie knew what most of those words meant independently. Together, on the other hand…he took another drink of mimosa. Okay, maybe F1 watch parties were fun. 

Just shy of two hours later, the race concluded and everyone was in a various state of intoxication. Players started to trickle out after the end, heading into Ubers to either go home to sleep it off or to keep it going for a Sunday Funday at the bar. Charlie sat next to Nick on the couch, grinning in a way he vaguely recognized was a bit dopey but not really caring. Nick squinted at him a little and smiled. “You’re sloshed,” he said quietly so no one else would hear him.

“Nah, ‘m not.” Charlie was.

Nick laughed. “C’mon, let’s head out.” Nick extended a hand and Charlie was focused enough to remember to take it in the laddy, clasped-hand way rather than the way he’d take a boyfriend’s hand. His boyfriend’s hand? Was Nick his boyfriend? He wanted Nick to be his boyfriend. Nick was such a pretty, pretty boy. He’d be a nice boyfriend. 

Charlie kept it together fairly well to say goodbye and thanks to Danny and Amy, who was staying for a bit with James and a few of the others. Nick called them an Uber and they returned to Nick’s place. After the Uber left, Nick took Charlie by the hand (like a boyfriend, Charlie thought to himself) and helped him up the steps. 

“God, you’re a lightweight,” said Nick. 

“It’s your fault,” said Charlie, squeezing Nick’s hand. “Too much time with you. Not enough time taking shots at downmarket gay bars.”

“Okay, noted,” said Nick. “I’ll bring warm well vodka the next time we spend a night together.”

Charlie laughed and shuddered. “Gross.” He peered at Nick once they were in the door. “How are you not pissed?”

“I didn’t have a lot,” said Nick. “I get…I can get a little handsy when I’m drinking. And you look so good - I knew I’d just want to cuddle with you. I caught myself trying to put my hand on your knee twice even still. I had to turn it into a bro tap with my quick-thinking, cat-like reflexes.”

Charlie thought back to a moment during the race when Nick had unexpectedly tapped his fist on Charlie’s thigh and burst out laughing. “You’re a sap, you are,” he said, nuzzling his face into Nick’s neck. 

Nick leaned his head over Charlie’s and held him. “Your sap,” he said, against Charlie’s hair and Charlie melted. This was not fair to do when he was drunk. Charlie leaned in closer and wrapped his arms around Nick, feeling Nick’s arms adjust to better fit him. Charlie sighed. He loved being nestled in Nick’s chest like this, would never get sick of it. He wished every day was like this, the two of them going back to the same place, just being in the same space as one another. Maybe someday they would. Nick interrupted him from his reverie. “Do you want something to eat?” he asked gently. Charlie took a moment to consider. He thought he might have had too much sugar with the juice in his drinks; he wasn’t feeling well. 

“I don’t think so,” he said. “What I’d really like is to lay on your bed and make out with you for at least 15 hours.”

Nick laughed, the open laugh that Charlie loved. “I think I can do that,” he said, drawing Charlie upstairs to the bedroom. Charlie did manage a solid 6 minutes of making out before he drifted off, the champagne catching up with him. 

When Nick followed him around 11 pm after Charlie bolted from the bedroom to the en-suite, Charlie’s arm was wrapped around the toilet and Charlie was about as far from making out as possible. “Oh, love,” said Nick soothingly, rubbing his back.

Charlie groaned and gripped the toilet. “I don’t want you seeing me like this.”

Nick smiled and laid his cool hand against Charlie’s forehead. “I’ll leave if you really want me to. But this doesn’t bother me at all. I promise.” He frowned a little. “You’re pretty warm, though.”

“Am I?” asked Charlie. “Jesus - I really didn’t get so drunk that I should be feeling like this. I feel like I’m a fresher again. This is so embarrassing.”

“You’re my fresher,” said Nick fondly. “I’ll get you some water and some crackers.” Nick kissed the top of his head and left the room to get Charlie’s items.  

When he returned, he helped Charlie up and got him back into bed, bringing a trash pail over next to Charlie and setting tissues, paracetamol, and a refilled glass of water on the nightstand. “Let me know of anything you need. And don’t worry if there’s any mess or anything like that. I’ll clean up anything in the morning.” He joined Charlie in bed, a book next to him. “I’ll be awake for a while. Tell me anything you need, okar, Char?” He rubbed circles onto Charlie’s shoulders, gently.

“Thanks, baby,” murmured Charlie. He closed his eyes, and turned on his side away from Nick. “You’re the best boyfriend in the world.” There was a beat of silence, sleep so close to drawing Charlie in, when he realized what he said. Oh god, when he had said “boyfriend” accidentally to Ben he hadn’t spoken to him in a week. His eyes flew open and he shoved himself up, against the headboard. 

“God, I didn’t - sorry, Nick, not-”

“Charlie.”

“Sorry, we haven’t talked about that at all and I-”

“Charlie.”

“Jesus, want me to get an Uber? I’m fine to get up, I promise-”

“Charlie!” Nick had now taken him by the shoulders and was trying to get Charlie to look at him. He finally did. “Charlie…” Nick trailed off for a moment, looking unreasonably fond. He kissed Charlie and Charlie exclaimed a little and drew back, worried he tasted of sick. “I’d love to be your boyfriend. I am your boyfriend. If you want me to be, that is.”

Charlie stared at Nick. He had just been ill in front of Nick, had called him his boyfriend in a semi-drunken state, and Nick had…wanted to kiss him? Still wanted to be with him? What sorcery was this? He finally parsed what Nick had said and nodded, a little frantically. “Yes, of course, Nick. I’d love you to be my boyfriend. And I want to be yours, too.”

“Well, good,” smiled Nick, and kissed Charlie on the forehead again. He then gently pushed Charlie back down to the pillows. “You need rest, Char, you still feel warm.” Nick turned on his side and traced his fingers through Charlie’s hair. Charlie sighed in contentment and relief. Nick was his boyfriend. He was Nick’s boyfriend. They were boyfriends! That thought echoed through his head over and over until he dropped off, comforted if not yet comfortable in his slightly-too-hot and mildly achy body. 

When Charlie woke up the next morning, Nick was out of bed. There was a cold cup of tea next to him, and when Charlie looked at his phone, he was surprised to see it was half eight. That meant he swept for over nine hours, in addition to when he passed out after they got back. And he felt like he had been hit by a truck. His whole body ached, and he felt cold and clammy, his shirt soaked through with sweat. This was more than a hangover. 

Nick came back in and kissed Charlie on the forehead. 

“Oh, no!” said Charlie, pulling back and drawing the covers up to his mouth. “Nick…I think I’m sick. Like, proper sick. I cannot get you sick before the Saints game.”

Nick looked at him worriedly, though seemingly not for himself. “Oh no, Char, really?” He placed his hand back on Charlie’s forehead. “God, yeah, you’re burning up. How do you feel?”

“Pretty awful,” Charlie admitted. “I know we all got our flu shots this year, but this is what that feels like.”

A check-in at the stadium with Dr. Darby confirmed it with a quick RIDT swab. Charlie indeed had the flu. Dr. Darby had prescribed Charlie Tamiflu, which he said should make him feel back to normal quite soon, as it seemed like they caught it early enough for the drug to be effective. Nick had insisted on driving him to the stadium, the pharmacy, and back home, dismissing Charlie’s concerns about Nick getting sick, saying if he was going to get sick, it was going to happen either way. Feeling truly terrible, Charlie had relented but insisted that Nick leave him after dropping him off and not see him until after the match, promising that he’d be fine. 

Nick had half-carried the exhausted Charlie back to his flat from the elevator, and tucked him into bed to rest again. Charlie heard Nick in his sitting room for some time, drifting in and out of sleep. He vaguely remembered Nick kissing him goodbye and telling him to feel better. When he finally got up in the late afternoon, feeling somewhat improved, he stumbled to his kitchen and found - so many things. 

Nick had clearly ordered from several restaurants and businesses. His kitchen was filled with soups, fruit, bread, cold and flu medicine, tissues, a thermometer, and flowers. He looked at the note attached to the simple bouquet, which just read, “Feel better, Char. xx Your boyfriend”. He smiled despite himself and messaged Nick to thank him for his thoughtfulness, receiving back a string of red hearts. 

The next day was quiet and Charlie slept for a good bit of it. Amy and Elle both called to see what he needed and offered to help. Charlie was officially banned from traveling to the Saints game, which he had figured, though was still sad about. He wouldn’t get to see Nick’s first Cup game with the Badgers, or be able to support the team through it. What was most frustrating was that he was back to nearly 100% by Wednesday, the Tamiflu working its antiviral magic. The team was leaving on Thursday, though, and Charlie knew it was still too close in terms of exposure to be allowed to go. The only comfort was that Nick was still entirely well and hadn’t had any symptoms at all. When Charlie tried to offer to help Amy with rehab plans, she had ordered him to rest, saying that if he messaged her about work again before the game she’d sign him up for a farmers-only dating app. 

He finally relented into leisure and actually had a lovely Wednesday and Thursday with nothing to do and not being allowed to see anyone. He finally got around to listening to the audiobook reading of Whichwood that Amy had recommended, enthusing that the narrator was one of the best she’d heard. After reading it, Charlie had to agree. He also had more time to discover new music, which he’d had woefully little time for. He ended up finding an EP by Maddie Zahm, which he immediately shared with Nick. It was her coming out EP and was moving and lovely. She wrote a lot about how she balanced finding her sexuality with her highly religious upbringing, and Charlie thought it might be helpful as Nick continued to sort through his own experience. 

The only silver lining to Charlie not being able to go to the match was that he’d actually be able to attend the opening of Elle’s art exhibition at the Weaving Gallery on Saturday night. He felt perfectly fine by Thursday morning, and messaged with Elle about the opening. They’d both be in the stadium the next day and made plans to meet for lunch to figure out the evening. 

Charlie walked into an oddly empty stadium the next day, the team and coaches gone for the trip. It was a little bit of a letdown to walk through the empty locker room, without any jokes being made or anyone rinsing each other. Charlie walked past Nick’s stall and trailed his fingers over the nameplate Nelson. God, he missed that man already. Nick was coming over straight away on Sunday when the bus came back, and it already felt like the next few days would be excruciatingly long.

Charlie and Elle met for lunch and she fretted over him lovingly, asking if he had eaten enough and how he was feeling and reaching out to feel his forehead for fever. Charlie laughed and pushed her hand away.

“I’m fine, I swear Elle,” he said. “And honestly, as much as I hate to miss the match, I’m so glad I’ll get to see the opening tonight.”

“Selfishly, me too,” admitted Elle. “I always get a little nervous the first evening of any show, so I’m glad you’ll be there.” She smiled her gentle smile at Charlie and he basked in the feeling of this old, comfortable friendship. “I also wanted to ask you…I spend a fair amount of time with the front office staff, and I get the sense that Imogen is a bit lonely. I was thinking of inviting her to come along as well. Are you okay with that?”

Charlie considered for half a moment. He had an almost visceral, reactive “no” thought at first, but that was just a leftover from before he and Nick were together. Though it had been no fault of her own, he had seen Imogen as a threat, someone who might swoop in and steal Nick away from him in front of his eyes. A few weeks ago, Nick told Charlie that he had spoken to Imogen to let her know that he wasn’t interested in her after she had declared her feelings for Nick at Harry’s party. It had sounded like the conversation went well, Nick telling her that he didn’t think they fit together. Nick said she had thanked him for being honest, and Charlie had seen that the two of them were still friendly with one another at team events. Charlie was now comfortable with his relationship with Nick and realized that Imogen had no idea of anything going on behind closed doors between him and Nick. It really hadn’t been anything she did wrong - she just liked a boy and told him and he didn’t like her back. Charlie realized that he had no reason to dislike, distrust, or avoid her. And honestly, she was sweet and funny. 

“Of course,” said Charlie, and meant it. This was a good chance for Charlie to authentically get to know Imogen in this new light. “I haven’t spent much time with her; it’ll be good to see her out of the office.”

“Great,” said Elle. “I feel like this year has been hard for her. A few of her friends have moved away, she mentioned, and it’s been hard to make friends with a lot of the staff who travel so often.”

They spoke a little longer, planning out the logistics of the following evening. Elle needed to be there early, and so they planned to all meet up at the gallery at 7. That left Charlie plenty of time to watch the match and get ready before the event started. Elle put them all on a thread and sent Imogen a message inviting her to the opening, who responded back immediately, thrilled to be included. That brought a smile to Charlie’s face. It was so much easier to be kind and welcoming than hold a grudge.

-

Saturday was cold, one of the coldest days that they’d had so far, and with humidity, making it bone-chilling. Charlie was secretly a tiny bit pleased he hadn’t been allowed to travel, as these were some of the hardest days to be on the sideline for a match. You needed to stay alert and ready for anything that might happen, even though all you wanted to do on days like those was find a giant copper-haired rugby man and push yourself into his chest as he wrapped his team jacket around both of you. Or, at least, he figured that was how most physios felt. 

The previous evening Charlie had spoken to both Amy and Nick on the phone. He and Amy had gone through a few notes, Charlie making some suggestions on maintenance and treatment for his players, who Amy was co-treating alongside a contracted substitute PT they sometimes used. Amy told him that everyone looked ready and that mentally, the team seemed strong. She said she missed him and couldn’t wait to see him the following week, and Charlie promised that the two of them would have a date night before everything got wild with the Christmas season coming up.

Nick sounded equally positive. “I know we’re going to win this one,” he had told Charlie, who believed him. They had spoken late after their team dinner, where moods were high and everyone was determined and ready, eager for this first chance to prove themselves in several years. Nick had told him how much he missed Charlie and Charlie had reciprocated. It was almost an ache, thinking of Nick laying in a hotel bed just over two hours away. They hadn’t spoken for long, Charlie insisting that Nick needed his sleep and Nick reluctantly agreeing. Charlie wished him luck and asked Nick to call him after the match, which he promised he’d do.

Charlie was nervous to watch the match, having never had to watch a full fixture away from the stadium where it was being played. He hated feeling so impotent like this, unable to help the team out in even the normal ways that he could. He tuned in early, wanting to see the entirety of the coverage available. 

Charlie watched the Badgers jog onto the pitch, and his heart leapt a little watching Nick run out, his jersey rippling over his body from the wind. He was able to watch the anthem, and felt warm seeing all of the players in their typical routines - Danny’s hand on James’s shoulder, Wilco looking into the stands, Seamus shifting foot to foot, Nick with his head bowed, serious and quiet. The anthem ended and he watched the Badgers circle up, arms round each others’ shoulders. It was time.

The Saints kicked off, but the Badgers were able to contest the kick, winning the ball back on the Saints’ 22-yard line. Danny made ground on the right wing, but a hard tackle interrupted his progress. The ball shifted to Harry and then got tangled in a ruck, picked up by James. James was able to dodge a few defenders and reach across the try line to score, only 7 minutes in. Charlie whooped and cheered in the silence of his own flat, hearing the stadium go a little quiet as the home fans took in the Badgers’ points. 

The Saints took the ball after the try, but didn’t gel together. An exchange of kicks ended up with the ball in the Saints’ hands again, but an off-side penalty was called and the ball returned to the Badgers. Unfortunately, Lunker was called for pushing too early in the scrum and possession switched back to the Saints. The Badgers took a sloppy penalty and the Saints were able to convert the penalty opportunity, making the score 7-3. The match remained tight for the rest of the first half until just a few minutes before the close. A Saints player was called for high-head contact and yellow-carded, though it didn’t seem to be malicious. Charlie was still glad for the call and the resulting man-down situation, urging the team to convert, leaning towards his TV. After a line-out, the Badgers took the ball, and Nick spun a long pass to Will. He passed the ball infield to Danny, who swiveled his hips expertly to escape a tackle, earning a second try for the Badgers. Charlie again yelled, almost startling himself. It was astonishing to see how much of a rugby lad he’d become, he thought with a wry chuckle to himself. 14-3 to the Badgers. 

After the half, the Badgers were in full control. The second half passed without much incident, the Badgers scoring a try and a penalty and the Saints one try. When the final whistle blew, Charlie let out a triumphant yell, relief sweeping through his body. They had won their first game in this round of the Champion’s Cup, and that felt like a huge hurdle had been lifted. This was so good for the team, Charlie knew. And so good for Nick. He messaged Nick a series of heart and party face emojis to follow the string of live-streaming style messages he’d sent during the match, noting every incredible thing he’d seen Nick do. He couldn’t wait to talk to Nick after he wrapped up the team celebration and Charlie was back from the gallery. He also texted Amy to congratulate her and celebrate together, and she called back for a 15-second call, just yelling and telling him that she missed him. He laughed and told her the same before he hung up, heart full.

Charlie hurried to get ready for the show, showering and picking out an appropriately sophisticated outfit. He decided he couldn’t go wrong with all-black and then headed down to the bus stop. Fortunately, one of the lines ran almost directly to the gallery and he took advantage of the ride to listen to some new songs that Amy had sent along, like his new favorite Dance for the Hell of It, by LOVA. 

Charlie got there a few minutes early, and headed in to try to find Elle. He looked around the gallery until he saw the edge of her curly brown hair around one of the pillars. Charlie moved to say hello when he saw an arm around her back and the hint of a beanie visible behind her hair. He craned his neck to see Tao gently kiss Elle and whisper something to her as he drew back. Charlie retreated a little, not wanting to get in the way, smiling to himself. So they were dating. Or at least, something was going on. He was glad that Elle had opened herself up to dating Tao, remembering their conversation from months ago. He almost laughed aloud thinking back to that chat, where he realized he was really also talking to himself, encouraging Elle to take a chance. He had taken a chance with Nick - and god, had it paid off. 

He decided to go back toward the entrance and wait for Imogen, Elle, and Tao there to give Tao and Elle some space. Imogen walked in a few moments later, and her face lit up when she saw Charlie. 

“Charlie!” she exclaimed, hugging him. He hugged her back. “It’s so good to get to see you outside of work.”

“You, too,” he said, genuinely. “Have you ever been here before?”

“Oh, god, no,” said Imogen, laughing a little. “I’m not super, uh, arty. But I love Elle and wanted to get to see you and Tao, so here I am, culturing myself. I’m going to be, like, proper fancy by the end of the night.”

Charlie laughed. “Oh, definitely. We’ll be posh as shit in two hours.” 

Elle and Tao joined them a minute later, Elle patting down her hair a little as they walked over. She and Imogen hugged, and Tao gave a tepid, arm-and-back-patting movement to Imogen, who snuck a surprised, cartoonishly happy glance at Charlie over his shoulder as he did. She gave Charlie the shadow of a wink and he had to turn away to keep a straight face. 

Elle led them around the gallery, showing them the other artists’ work and describing their styles and themes before they ended up in front of her pieces. Elle had three pieces at the show, centered around unexpected beauty in cities. Her painting were incredible - capturing moments of joy in what could sometimes be a gray and bleak city. One painting depicted a grandfather pushing his grandchild on a swing as cars drove by and pieces of rubbish swirled in the wind. The background colors of the city were muted and dull, and Elle had made the people and the playground bright and rich. Charlie could actually feel the joy radiating off the faces of the grandfather and child, and the juxtaposition of them against the city was incredible. He and Imogen gushed over the painting and the others, Elle beaming with her quiet pride. Charlie didn’t miss Tao sneaking an arm around Elle’s waist and giving her a squeeze, but didn’t comment on it. He knew well enough wanting to just be in a relationship without undue and unwanted attention. 

They had been there a few hours, drinking and chatting and enjoying the art and each other before Elle caught sight of someone and waved them over. “Sahar!” she called. Charlie remembered that this was in fact Sahar’s gallery. He had met her once before, but it had been brief. As Sahar came over, Charlie felt his eyes glued to her. He had forgotten what a magnetizing effect she had. Sahar was a full-figured, medium-height woman with shining dark hair and long, beautiful eyelashes. She had full lips and large eyes and was just - alluring. She radiated confidence and grace, and even Charlie could tell that this was a sensual woman. 

Sahar greeted all of them warmly, and nodded appreciatively as they said how wonderful the opening was and the incredible art she had showcased. Sahar wrapped an arm around Elle and noted how stirring Elle’s art was, making her blush. After a moment, Sahar noticed another artist and pointed them out to Elle, encouraging Elle to connect for a future partnership. Elle and Tao went over to meet the artist, and Charlie, Imogen, and Sahar stood together.

“It’s wonderful to see you again, Charlie,” said Sahar. “Are you still working for the same organization as Elle?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “And actually, Imogen works there, too.”

“What do you do there?” asked Sahar.

“I’m in media relations,” said Imogen. “I coordinate a lot of our partnerships then most of the game-day coverage and interviews. Do you watch rugby at all?”

“Oh, no,” said Sahar with a smile. “Do you come to art galleries at all?”

“Not usually,” Imogen laughed back. “But this has been great! I love what you’ve put together. Did you get any media coverage of the opening?”

Sahar and Imogen started talking about branding and event planning and PR and Charlie stood back and half-listened. It seemed like Sahar and Imogen were hitting it off. Charlie was glad; he knew Elle said that Imogen had seemed a little lonely, and maybe she’d come out of tonight with a new friendship. 

He glanced at this phone to see that it was getting later. Charlie wanted to speak with Nick so badly that he felt it in his stomach, and made his excuses. He hugged Imogen and Sahar goodbye, and then found Elle and Tao to congratulate Elle and wish them a good evening. Charlie told Elle how proud he was of her, and how he would come back with Isaac and Amy the next time. And maybe sometime with Nick, he thought. He’d love to go to an art gallery with Nick - or any date, really. Someday, he thought.

-

Charlie messaged Nick to let him know that he had gotten back from the opening. Not twenty minutes later, Nick called him, his voice with that lazy quality Charlie knew meant he was a little tipsy. “We won, Char. God, I wish you had been there. It didn’t feel right to be in the locker room without you. And I can’t believe I still scored without my good-luck kiss before the game.”

Charlie smiled at the phone. “I’m so proud, baby. Tell me about the game.”

Nick talked through the entirety of the match, describing what seemed to be every phase, line-out, and scrum, but Charlie could have listened for hours. He loved hearing Nick in his element. Rugby was so intertwined with Nick and who he was, and he knew that it was the thing that made him feel most alive, where he was his most confident and driven. He could hear the note of pride in Nick’s voice as he described his two tries and drop-kick goals he had scored, as well as his joy for his teammates and how they had played. 

“And how was the afterparty?” asked Charlie, once Nick had run through the match. 

“It was great,” said Nick. “I’m just getting back to the hotel room now; some of the lads are still out.” Charlie could hear Nick’s door opening and the rustle of Nick kicking off his jacket and shoes. “But you know me, it’s nearly eleven and I’m knackered.”

“I wish I was there,” said Charlie. “I miss you so much.”

“You have no idea, Charlie,” Nick sighed, sounding like he was laying down. “How much I miss you. I wanted to celebrate with you.”

“Oh, yeah?” asked Charlie. “How would you want to celebrate?”

Nick made a soft sound. “Mm. I can think of a couple of ways.”

“Me too,” said Charlie. “I…I was thinking of going into the bedroom.”

“Yes,” said Nick, and Charlie could hear the grin in his voice. “You should. I’m already in my bed - catch up, Springtime. Do…do you want to switch to Facetime?”

“I very much do,” said Charlie. Nick hung up and immediately called him back, this time his gorgeous face filling up his screen.

“Hi beautiful,” said Nick, pulling an uncontrollable smile out of Charlie. He was laying on his back on the bed, holding the phone aloft. Charlie could see the top few buttons of Nick’s going-out shirt undone and he immediately got a few degrees hotter. 

“Hi, you,” said Charlie. He put his phone on his bedside table, leaning it against his clock so it stood up. “You look…like the human embodiment of the fire emoji.”

Nick laughed. “I know you said you were feeling better all this week, but are you still feeling alright?”

“Oh yeah,” said Charlie. “Truly back to one hundred percent good.” He paused. “Although, well…I feel good, but I also feel…other things.” He raised his eyebrow in a way he hoped was suggestive and sexy but more likely was slightly cartoonish, like an inquisitive muppet. 

Nick didn’t seem to care. “Me too,” he said, his face already going a little bit more intense, breathing deepening a bit. “I’ve thought about you all week. I can’t wait for tomorrow night.” His shoulder shifted slightly, and it looked like he was reaching his right arm down, his shoulder moving a little. 

“Me neither,” breathed Charlie, thinking about what Nick was reaching for. “Are you - are you touching yourself?”

“Yeah,” said Nick, eyes locked onto Charlie’s through the phone. Charlie could see his shoulder continue to flex and move. “Would…do you want to see?”

“God, yes,” said Charlie, heart quickening. He reached his own hand down to stroke himself over his briefs, which he had stripped down to after the art show. Nick shifted around, leaning the phone on his nightstand in what seemed to be a similar way as Charlie had, then pushing himself up on the pillows so he was sitting upright a bit more. Charlie checked his phone and moved so his entire body was in frame, just like Nick’s.

“You look so hot already,” said Nick, eyes trained on Charlie’s hand, still gently rubbing. Nick reached down and unbuckled his belt, and Charlie’s breath quickened as Nick lifted his hips to slide his trousers down past his bum. 

“You do, too,” murmured Charlie. He reached over to his bedside table and patted around until he found the small bottle of lube that he kept in the drawer. He uncapped it and poured some in his palm, using his other hand to tug down the waistline of his briefs. He heard Nick’s breath catch as he wrapped his slippery hand around himself and started to work his shaft. 

“God,” Nick groaned. He wet his own hand with saliva and pulled down his UnderArmour boxers, gripping himself. Charlie watched as Nick swiped his thumb over the tip of his dick, gathering some of the pre-come. Charlie knew from their times together that Nick’s head was incredibly sensitive, and he loved seeing Nick play with it himself.

Charlie stopped responding so much in words, and shifted more to sounds as he worked himself and watched Nick. He could see the shadowed curve of Nick’s abs as Nick’s hand stroked, and that was nearly as much of a turn-on as this voyeurism was for Charlie. His eyes were half-closed with pleasure and desire, and he so wished Nick was here, that his hand was Nick’s instead. They both got hotter and heavier over the next few minutes, a positive feedback loop of sounds and horniness. 

“I’m…I’m close,” Charlie managed as he felt himself creep closer, his low belly tight and pleasantly aching. 

“Yes, babe,” said Nick, sounding like he was ready himself. “Now imagine…imagine that was my mouth instead of your hand.”

Charlie gasped at that, Nick’s words and the image pushing him into orgasm. He arched his back and stroked through it, half-hearing and half-seeing Nick do the same. When he came back down to Earth, he blinked his eyes open and grabbed his phone, pulling it back to frame his face. Nick did the same. 

Charlie looked at Nick for a long moment before speaking, his whole body relaxed and loose. “Nick…that…wow. I think you broke my brain.”

Nick chuckled. “In a good way, I hope?” 

“The best way. Do you…do you want to really do that?” asked Charlie. 

“Why don’t you find out tomorrow night,” said Nick with a sly grin, and Charlie was done. 

-

The next morning dragged on, Charlie trying everything he could think of to pass the time quickly. His flat was already exceptionally clean after his “sick leave”, and he had already watched too much TV when he was ill as well. He gave Tori a call. She wasn’t much for speaking on the phone, generally preferring messaging, but Charlie loved to badger her into the occasional call. 

They chatted for a bit about the typical work stuff. Tori had finally realized (or admitted) her love of literature and was now an editor for a publisher in London. He often imagined her in a wood-clad reading room, slashing red edits through hard-bound books in front of a fire, steadfastly ignoring her when she described a lot of fluorescent office lighting and hours in front of her computer. Tori told him about Michael’s coaching. He still competed a bit, but now was doing mostly youth coaching, called in by posh parents to make their unremarkable offspring seem more enthralling (Tori’s words). They talked a bit about the family, poking fun at their mum and dad a little like they had since they were growing up. Now that Charlie’s parents had gotten their own therapy, it was more fun to talk about them than sad. Olly seemed to be doing well by all accounts, too. Charlie couldn’t wait to see all of the family, who were coming up this year for the team’s Christmas festivities. Charlie promised Tori that one of the presents he’d get her was at least one hour of silent alone time during the holidays, which she said could easily be her only present. They had spoken for a good half an hour before Tori needed to get going.

“Sorry, I have to ring off soon,” said Tori. “Michael wants to go to a cat adoption center. To ‘look’, he says.”

“Oh my god, do it!” said Charlie. “You could get the cutest little kitten.”

“If we get one, it’s an adult cat only,” said Tori. “And it will be a girl and her name will be Wednesday Addams.”

“Sounds like you haven’t thought about it at all,” remarked Charlie. 

“Shut up,” said Tori. “What about you, any plans for the rest of the day?”

“Oh, just have a friend coming round,” said Charlie.

“Elle?”

“No…his name’s Nick.”

“Nick Nelson? From the team?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Well,” said Tori. Charlie could hear her taking a sip of her drink, the telltale ice cube rattle against her metal straw giving her away. “Have fun with Nick.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Tori. See you in a few weeks.”

“See you,” said Tori, ending the call. 

Charlie got through the next agonizingly long hours. Finally, he got a text from Nick letting him know that the bus was pulling into the stadium and that he’d be there in half an hour. Charlie sat down on his drumset to get out some of his energy, and felt far more grounded by the time he heard a knock on his door. Charlie tore the door open and seized Nick by the collar, pulling him in and kissing him without really looking at him.

Nick laughed against his lips. “What if I had been the building manager?”

Charlie smirked back. “I was kinda hoping you were.”

Nick pushed Charlie back into the wall, cushioning behind his head with his hand so Charlie’s head didn’t knock against the wall, and kissed him, hard and passionately. “I’ve been wanting this all week,” he said against Charlie’s throat when he finally pulled back. 

“Me too,” said Charlie, eyes closed. 

“Now,” said Nick, in a low voice that made Charlie’s spine tingle. “Let’s…watch TV.” Charlie blinked, and after a beat, Nick laughed. “Kidding,” he said, pushing against Charlie and rubbing himself against Charlie’s hip. He pressed against him once more, harder, making Charlie inhale sharply, then pulled him by the hips away from the wall and lifted him up. Charlie yelped a little in surprise and wrapped his legs around Nick’s waist. 

“You giant rugby idiot,” he said, laughing, pulling his arms around Nick’s neck and kissing him. 

“You rang?” said Nick, saucily. He carried Charlie to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. Charlie’s hips were still pressing against Nick’s, his legs intertwined behind Nick’s back. Charlie unwrapped his legs and shifted so his knees were under him, giving him the leverage to grind against Nick. Nick let out one of the low, soft sounds that turned Charlie to jelly, and Charlie continued his movement on Nick, pressing one hand against his shoulders and exploring with the other hand. Nick took it as well as he could for another minute, until he growled a little and pulled Charlie down on the bed with him.

“You’re a little tease,” he said, lowly and with a sultry smile. He pushed Charlie back against the bed and slid his hands up to take off Charlie’s shirt, and Charlie raised his hands to help. He then pulled off Nick’s, and they kissed for a moment before Nick pulled down Charlie’s trackies, making quick eye contact to ensure it was okay. Once confirmed, Nick toyed at the waistband of Charlie’s boxer-briefs, a thrill running up Charlie’s belly. Did Nick actually want to do this? Charlie had only gotten head a few times in Uni. Ben had only wanted to receive oral sex, perplexingly believing it made him less gay to receive than to give. Nick locked eyes with Charlie once more, and Charlie hooked his pinkie with Nick’s to reassure him. Nick paused, his hands on Charlie’s pants, right on his hip bones.

“I might not be…” Nick trailed off. “I haven’t ever done this before. So tell me…tell me what you like. Or what I can do better.”

Charlie reached down and ran his fingers through Nick’s silky hair. “It’s going to be amazing, no matter what. And yes,” he said, seeing Nick ready to protest. “I’ll tell you what feels good.”

Nick’s face relaxed, and then he pulled off Charlie’s boxer-briefs, dragging them down his legs and tossing them aside. He ran his cheek up Charlie’s inner thigh and nosed against the base of his dick for a moment, making Charlie’s breath hitch. He traced his fingers around Charlie’s thighs, his low belly, his V-cut, making Charlie shiver. It was almost too much, too teasing, when Nick shifted up a little and wrapped one hand around Charlie. He opened his mouth and took in the head of Charlie’s cock, making Charlie press his eyes closed and grasp Nick’s hair with one of his hands.

“Oh, god, Nick,” breathed Charlie, already lost in bliss. Nick looked up at him through his eyelashes, and Charlie felt his chest expand even more, looking at Nick looking at him. Nick started slowly, moving his head, seemingly to get a little more sure of himself with Charlie’s noises. “That’s…that’s so good, Nick.” Charlie distantly remembered Nick’s inclination for positive reinforcement. “I love it…I love it when you use your hand and your mouth like that.”

Nick made a sound against him, and moved his hand with a little more vigor, adding a twist of his wrist that made Charlie accidentally arch his hips up. Nick started a little, but when Charlie immediately started to apologize, Nick just gave him a look. A look of “oh, that was interesting,” and re-doubled his efforts, taking more of Charlie in. Charlie was now fisting both hands in the sheets. Nick removed his hand for a moment and pulled one of Charlie’s hands to the back of his head, and Charlie thought he might actually die on the spot. He wrapped his fingers in Nick’s hair and followed the motion of Nick’s head, trying his hardest not to push and to keep his hips still. 

“Nick, god, this feels so good. It feels so good when you almost come off like that and then go back down,” gasped Charlie. Nick responded immediately, making a soft moaning sound and lengthening his pulls on Charlie, working down as far as he could go and almost coming off. It wasn’t long until Charlie grasped his fingers against Nick’s hair, gently tugging to warn him. “Nick, I’m going to…” He pushed a little against Nick’s shoulder to give him time to move his head back, but Nick stayed where he was, checking in with Charlie with his eyes. Charlie groaned and dropped his head back, coming a moment later. Nick stayed on him as Charlie came, drawing out Charlie’s release.

Once Charlie was finished, he stroked his fingers again through Nick’s hair. Once he caught his breath, he pulled Nick up towards him and Nick collapsed his head against his chest. 

“Oh…my god,” said Charlie. “That was…you are amazing, Nick. Incredible. Unbelievable. Simply the best. Someone let Tina Turner know.”

Nick chuckled, and Charlie could feel it against his ribs. “You’re the amazing one, Charlie.” He tilted his head up, seeking a kiss, and Charlie met his lips. 

“I just need…seven to ten days,” murmured Charlie, closing his eyes again. “Then it’s your turn.”

“No,” said Nick. “Tonight - this is all about you. Let me take care of you. You deserve it.” He stretched his mouth up to Charlie’s neck and gave it a quick kiss. “You deserve everything, Char.” 

Charlie melted yet again. This man, this perfect man. He felt so, so lucky. And even if not tonight, he’d be making Nick feel just as good very soon.

Chapter Text

The next few weeks were an absolute blur. With multiple matches and the holiday season approaching, everything was moving quickly. Charlie had barely any time to see Elle, Isaac, Tao, or now Imogen, who Charlie knew had been spending more time with everyone and was now part of a new, additional group chat. He and Amy of course still spent much of their time together, but it was all work, with little time to just hang out and chat together. The team had a bye week coming up after the holidays, and Charlie couldn’t wait. Their two bye weeks throughout the season were always so welcome, and they had late ones this year. It would make the second half a bit easier, getting those breaks, but it was easy to tell that everyone was a little worn out. The Badgers had won one match and lost the other after the Saints game, though fortunately, it was their Champion’s cup game that they won. With that win, they were well set up for the third round and their place in the table, and Charlie could feel the relief and joy in everyone on the team.

The whole week of Christmas and New Years was going to be busy, as well. The Badgers had matches on December 23 and the 31st, which Charlie knew would be followed by a truly epic New Year’s Eve team party. Between their games they had their team family day on Christmas Eve and the Wilcox family holiday party on the same evening. Charlie was glad that his family was coming in for the holidays and he didn’t need to stress about deciding to try to jet down home quickly. That decision always involved balancing his genuine desire to see his family against the annoyance of train travel, and compounded by his desire to avoid Jane being passive-aggressive about him not coming. She had gotten better - much better - about her communication and expressing how she actually felt, but still…she was a work in progress. Charlie was too, he supposed, along with everyone in their family. Their collective therapy helped so much, but lifelong patterns were just that - ingrained patterns that had been there for life. 

Fortunately, he didn’t need to make a call this year, and instead reveled in the fact that he’d be able to spend Christmas with the team and his family. And Nick. Nick’s mum was coming to stay at his place for Christmas and Charlie’s family would be in town as well, but they’d have all of those events together. Charlie sometimes let himself briefly fantasize about what a future Christmas could be like with Nick. The two of them in their flat, with a tree (a real one, they had both agreed, was far superior to a fake one), getting up when they chose. Sitting together and drinking tea and coffee on the couch wearing warm socks before handing one another presents. Just…them. And a dog, of course. Or eight.

But this year wouldn’t be that, quite yet. And it was going to be absolutely packed with events and festivities, though Charlie was looking forward to most of them. Charlie’s family was coming in the evening of the 22nd, and he was cleaning his flat furiously before they arrived. While Jane Spring was a lot better in a lot of ways, she still wasn’t above a quick passive-aggressive comment that it was a shame Charlie was so overworked he didn’t have time to take care of his flat. He was expecting a call at any moment to let him know that they had checked in at their hotel to drop their bags and were headed over. His phone rang and he didn’t look at it as he answered through his AirPods, still wiping down the counters. 

“Hey, mum, have you all gotten here then?”

“Would your mum tell you that she thought you were a sexy, gorgeous man that she can’t wait to ravish again?”

Charlie nearly dropped the phone. He smiled and recovered slightly, but his temperature was definitely up a few degrees. “No…I don’t think she would.”

“Good,” said Nick. “Otherwise I’d have some questions.”

Charlie laughed. “What’re you doing?”

“Just missing you,” said Nick, simply. He really was a golden retriever, Charlie thought. 

“I miss you, too. I can’t wait for Boxing Day.” Both Charlie’s family and Nick’s mum would be gone at that point, Charlie’s back home and Nick’s to go see David. They had the full afternoon and evening together after training and Charlie couldn’t wait for it. They were planning on exchanging presents as well, and Charlie was excited and nervous for his gift he was giving to Nick.

“Same,” said Nick, in a low, sultry voice that made Charlie’s stomach pull back against his spine. “Is your family on their way?”

“Yeah, they should be arriving any minute,” said Charlie. He glanced down at his phone, where he was receiving another call. “Oh, shit, actually, that’s them now. I’ve gotta go, baby. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“You too! Tell my biggest fan Olly that I need him to cheer extra loud tomorrow. Bye, Char.”

“Bye, Nick.”

Charlie clicked over to the incoming call, and he knew his mum could hear the smile in his voice, but let her think it was for her. They would all be arriving in ten minutes. He told them he’d see them soon, and was glad he’d have a few minutes to compose himself. Goddamn that Nick Nelson.

-

Charlie’s family all had a late dinner at his flat before they took off and Charlie went to bed, ready for an early morning the next day. They had their match against Sale, who had really fallen off over the last few weeks, tumbling down the table. Charlie hoped that they’d be able to have a smashing win, thinking of Olly and how excited he’d be to see a big win in person. 

The evening before, Charlie’s dad had offered to pick him up and drive him to the stadium for his pre-fixture preparations. 

“Oh, no thanks,” Charlie had said, casually. “Nick’s picking me up.”

Olly’s eyes had widened at that and his parents had both seemed a bit surprised as well. 

“Nick, from the team? The assistant captain takes you to games?” his mum had asked.

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “We’ve gotten to be good friends.” Olly still looked as though Charlie had said Jesus Christ himself was picking him up in a limousine chauffeured by Lady Gaga, in utter awe. 

“That’s so cool,” breathed Olly. “Can I come with you guys?”

“We have to go pretty early, Olly, so you’ll go with mum and dad and Tori. But, you know what is so cool?” asked Charlie. “What’s cool is you coming to the locker room after the game. Team’s orders. They all said I wasn’t allowed in unless I brought you.”

Olly giggled and his parents smiled. Olly was right on the cusp of believing he was too old to giggle like that, and Charlie didn’t want that day to ever come. Tori looked at Charlie, one corner of her lip creeping up. Olly was still exclaiming his excitement to his parents when Charlie leaned over to her. 

“What?” he said quietly, nudging his shoulder against hers.

“Nothing,” she said. “Just glad Nick’s such a good…friend.” She gave him a patented, flat-eyed Tori Spring look that betrayed her jest.

“Shut up,” said Charlie, pointing at her and turning into a gentle poke. “Just…shut up.”

Nick had picked him up the next day, his family mercifully agreeing to meet him at the stadium rather than meet him at his place before he had to leave. Nick had driven with his left hand alternatively holding Charlie’s and caressing his thigh. They had chatted about the game, Olly’s excitement for the locker room, the family day, and the Christmas party at Wilco’s. They purposefully did not discuss Boxing Day, their day for just the two of them, as Charlie didn’t want to get either of them too heated before the game. It would be their first day solo without any plans for quite some time, and Charlie was very much looking forward to it.

They pulled into the team lot and Nick looked around. They were early enough without most of the team or staff there, and there was no one in sight. Nick turned towards Charlie.

“Can I have a good luck charm?” he asked, looking at Charlie. Nick bit his bottom lip and let his upper teeth rake along it, really making a meal out of it. And who was Charlie to deny this poor little rugby lad his wish?

Charlie reached towards Nick, firmly taking his head in his hands and drawing it towards him. He kissed him, long and dizzying, their tongues exploring and lips shifting to take in more of each other. After a minute (or maybe it was a day), Charlie drew back, then gave Nick one more gentle peck. He looked deeply into Nick’s eyes and stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. 

“Well,” murmured Charlie, pausing and looking at Nick with affection. He breathed in, leaning his face close to Nick’s. Then he clapped him on the shoulder like a true bruv. “Good luck, mate,” he said brightly, and then jumped out of the car. He could hear Nick laughing even with the door closed. 

-

Sale stood no chance. The Badgers played perhaps the best they had all season, the offense moving incredibly and the defense breaking up plays before they gained momentum. Charlie and Amy periodically grinned at each other with every try, conversion, and kick, relishing in the team performing as they knew they could. Wilco in particular was on fire for this game. It seemed every time Charlie looked up from taping or icing someone, Wilco was carrying the ball or handing it off to someone. He knew that Wilco would be getting Badger Bill after the match, and shuddered a little to think of what Badger Bill was going to go through (and see, through his taxidermied eyes) at the following evening’s Christmas party at Wilco’s house. 

Nick played well, too. His mum wasn’t able to come until late that evening after work, but she had told Nick she was going to surreptitiously listen to as much of it as she could when working. Nick scored a try, a drop-kick goal, and converted on a penalty attempt. Though it was really Wilco’s match today, it still overjoyed Charlie to think of her following the fixture. Nick’s name had to have been mentioned on the broadcast several times, and Charlie smiled as he thought of Sarah hearing about her boy. The Badgers won by a staggering 52-10, and the mood was jubilant as everyone piled into the locker room.

Being the pre-Christmas game, there were more families in attendance than usual, and their locker room was crowded with people. Charlie left to go collect his family, passing by a trio who looked like they may be James’s parents and sister, as well as who he recognized was Lunker’s dad, his hulking stature giving him away immediately. By the time Charlie tracked his parents and siblings down and brought them back to the locker room, it was even more crowded, with families gathered around their players’ stalls. Danny was being hugged by James’s family, which made sense, as they had spent so much time together in Uni and earlier in their professional careers. Lucas introduced his parents to Jane and Julio, who started chatting with them as well as Fitzy’s parents. 

Charlie, meantime, took the frozen and overjoyed Olly by the shoulders as Nick and Seamus approached. 

“Oliver Spring,” said Seamus solemnly. “It is a crime that we haven’t seen you in so many months.”

Nick nodded. “I can’t believe we won without you, mate! Have you been watching the matches on TV?”

“Always!” said Olly. “I watched last week, when….” Olly launched into a long soliloquy about the previous week’s game, going through the phases in near-perfect description. Charlie could see the smiles growing on Seamus and Nick’s faces, clearly impressed. “…and then there was that yellow card that the referee gave you, which was,” Olly looked around nervously, spying his mum out of earshot, “bloody ridiculous,” he finished in a whisper, looking nervous but proud.

Seamus laughed aloud. “You’re right, little Springtime. It was bloody ridiculous. I’m glad you caught that. Ah, all part of rugby, I suppose.”

“Speaking of rugby,” said Nick to Olly, “Are you going to be playing in the family touch match tomorrow?”  

Olly visibly started. “I get to?? It’s not just the adults?!”

“Nope,” said Nick. “It’s everyone who wants to! Including the entire Spring family.” Nick dropped his elbow to lean lightly on Olly’s shoulders, turning the two of their bodies slightly to face Charlie. “Reckon you’ll be able to convince that one to play?” Nick jutted with his chin toward Olly’s brother.

Charlie rolled his eyes. Nick had been on about this for weeks, wanting Charlie to play. Charlie had already decided that he was going to, but he wanted to make Nick think it was still an open question before surprising him by kitting up tomorrow. 

“Oh, I can do it,” said Olly confidently.

“I thought you’d be able to,” said Nick, patting Olly on the shoulder and straightening up. “Now, let’s get you another jersey. We got your ball signed last time, I think it’s time to do the same with a shirt.”

Nick led Olly away, leaving Charlie and Seamus next to each other. 

“He’s disgustingly cute,” remarked Seamus. 

“Yeah he is,” said Charlie. “It’s funny; he’s so different to me and my sister.”

Seamus rolled his eyes. “I meant Nelson. Guy loves kids so much.” He nudged Charlie. “I think it’s the girlfriend thing again. I’m even more convinced now. Guy’s thinking about settling down, girlfriend, kids, all that.”

Charlie mustered a roll of his eyes and a smile. Seamus was nosy, yes. But he was also right…Nick Nelson was disgustingly cute. And watching him with Olly made Charlie’s heart swell just a little bit every time.

The rest of the day went quickly, families lingering in the locker room for a while. Charlie’s family went back to his flat to relax before dinner, which Olly insisted on attending in his new jersey, covered with signatures from the entire team, including the practice squad. After dinner, Charlie’s parents dropped him off for the evening and Charlie made sure to stretch even more than normal. He had a rugby game to play the next day.

-

Christmas Eve was pleasantly warm for that time of year, the day promising to be sunny and nearly 10 degrees by midday. The family touch match was scheduled for noon, and it would be the perfect way to feel like they got some exercise and healthy living in before the debauchery of that evening at Wilco’s house. Charlie and his family went out to an early breakfast to allow time for food to settle, and then his parents dropped off him and Olly at the stadium to get ready. Jane, Julio, and Tori would be watching from the stands with the other families who weren’t playing, cheering on both the professional and (very) amateur players. 

Charlie felt a thrill of excitement as he walked into the locker room. He’d be getting ready on the same bench as Nick, playing maybe even on the same team as Nick. When he and Olly entered, they sat near to Nick, where he seemingly had been saving them a spot. Olly chatted endlessly and excitedly as they got ready, Charlie and Nick occasionally exchanging glances and smiles over his head. Nick had been overjoyed when Charlie confirmed he was playing, sending a string of emojis including a myriad of hearts, some rugby ones, and a bunch of capital Xs and Os in various patterns, to show what Charlie assumed was a play set? He had just rolled his eyes affectionately.

Jerseys were handed out to everyone, and as they all left the locker room and went through the tunnel, Charlie was amused to hear Amy on in-stadium loudspeaker, having apparently bullied her way into the job. It was a mistake to give that woman a platform with auditory capabilities. “And now announcing… the Leeds Badgers…and the Bonus Badgers!”

They all jogged onto the pitch to the muffled applause of the family members and team staff who were attending. Wilco was captaining one of the teams, and Nick and Seamus had flipped a coin to see who’d be the other captain. Nick had won, and shot Charlie a look that said you WILL be on my team. Charlie knew that the tradition was that all of the family members were chosen first before the players, this being a light and friendly game of touch rugby meant to make families feel welcome rather than a true competition. 

Wilco and Nick did another coin toss to see who was able to pick first, and this time Wilco won. 

“I select…” Wilco rubbed his chin, pretending to ponder. “Springtime the elder.” 

There was a round of cheers from the boys, Seamus grabbing Charlie by the shoulders and laughing. Charlie thought he saw Wilco shoot Nick a cheeky wink as the others were celebrating him. Nick glared at Wilco for a moment in mock-offense.

“Fine,” said Nick. “I’ll take the best Spring. Olly, right this way.” Olly bounded over, beaming, and Charlie’s heart squeezed at hearing Nick use the nickname. 

Everyone else was sorted out quickly, with Lunker, Will, Fitzy, and Danny joining Charlie and Wilco’s team and Stig, Lucas, James, and Seamus on Nick’s, among other players and family members. They did one final coin toss for the kick and discussed the rules, which were amended even from normal touch rugby, as there were kids playing. No tackling, touches only, adults only in the scrums, that sort of thing. Coach Croft gave a quick pre-game speech threatening to kill any players who managed to get themselves hurt, and reminded everyone that this was just for fun. 

The match began and Charlie’s team received the ball first, Fitzy neatly catching James’s kick. They started to run up the field, and Charlie felt alive, bright and shining. He knew he was fast, and his team used that to his advantage. Charlie didn’t feel particularly confident when another player approached for a touch-tackle, but his carrying speed was definitely an asset. He heard several of the players comment on his pace and his chest felt tight with pride. The first 15-minute half passed and both teams had scored a few tries a piece. Charlie had a good amount of yards gained from carries, but had avoided getting into the thick of anything, passing the ball off to whoever was closest on the field whenever he got close to a player from the other team. 

Amy’s commentary was distracting and hilarious, focused mostly on hyping up the family members (especially the younger ones) and rinsing the team members.

“We now see Seamus O'Reilly with the ball. This is impressive, because as you can see from his slow gait and shuffling pace, Seamus was drafted from the Eastern Leeds Retirement home just a few years ago, when he was in his early 70s. He’s accompanied by Nick Nelson, who gave up his mediocre career in hair modeling for Primark adverts in order to play for the Badgers. Oh, and it looks like Nick has been touch-tackled by Harriet Walker, sister of James. You’ll recognize Harriet from her cover spreads in International Icon magazine, where she laments that her only regret in life is being remarkably cooler than her little brother and showing him up…always.”

During the break, Will had exclaimed that Charlie was an absolute monster with his speed. Nick had thrown him a look so glowing that Charlie could have lit up all of Leeds. The second half began and Charlie’s confidence was even more bolstered. He could do this. He was fast, this was friendly, and he truly felt a part of these lads and this team. With a few minutes left in the match, Charlie followed Lunker up the field. Lunker pitched the ball back to him, and Charlie began to streak up the right wing. He saw James coming in towards him at an angle. A quick shift of his eyes around showed that Charlie had no one to pass to. Charlie stepped once towards James, shifted, swiveled his hips to avoid the touch, and spun nearly around to escape James’s hands and dodge around him. The field clear, Charlie sprinted towards the try line and touched the ball down. He had scored a try!

“And Charlie Spring scores!” crowed Amy. “Charlie Spring, known as backup physio to perhaps the most incredible and humble person on the planet, dodges a professional rugger on their home turf to score a try! This will absolutely move him up to the second-coolest staff member on the Badgers! Well, third. Elle is pretty cool, too. Oh, and Imogen. And Tao. Okay, top ten coolest. But still, an incredible move from Springtime, putting his team ahead.”

The little crowd and his team exploded, whooping and cheering. Charlie caught a glimpse of Nick, beaming and laughing. Olly had run over to him and was jumping up and down, tugging at Charlie’s jersey and yelling in congratulations.

“Charlie?” called Coach Croft, from the sideline. Charlie jogged over, ducking his head a little in embarrassment from the attention. “Please explain to me how you just dodged a tackle from one of my starting players. And how you are so goddamn fa-, er, so bloody fast?” He was pretend-stern as he said this, aiming a playful swat at James’s shoulder as he passed. 

“Er,” said Charlie. “Luck?”

Wilco whooped. “Springtime’s been holding out on us! What a champion!”

The match ended a few minutes later, Charlie and Wilco’s team winning by a try. Both teams all shook hands and laughed and clapped each other on the back and shoulders and they walked back to the locker room. 

“Charlie, remember when you beat James to score a try?” said Olly, pulling on Charlie’s arm. 

James scowled, though it was good-natured. “We shall never speak of that again, Springchild,” he said, tousling Olly’s hair. Everyone around them laughed at that, and the locker room was full of light teasing and ribbing as they all started to change. Family members who played left relatively quickly for the luncheon the team was putting on upstairs, the team taking a bit longer to stretch, shower, and change before they joined the families.  Players were taking their time, trickling in and out of the locker room to stretch or grab a snack from the kitchen or the like before they left to the Hall of Fame room for the reception.

Nick stood up and stretched, not yet undressed to shower. He gave Charlie a look and then started to leave the locker room, giving a tiny, “come here” crooking motion with his pinkie as he exited towards the PT room. Charlie waited a moment before leaving, no heads even turning as everyone focused on their own conversations and enjoyment, moods high after the Sale win, the family game, and the upcoming party. 

Charlie saw the door of the PT room cracked open and tapped on it before entering, though he knew it was just Nick in there. He looked around quickly and then went in and pulled the door shut, locking it firmly behind him. In a moment, Nick was on him, pulling Charlie back by his rugby shirt to the PT table until it hit the back of Nick’s thighs. 

“God, that was so hot seeing you out there,” said Nick against Charlie’s throat.

“If I knew it would do this to you I would have taken up rugby…uh, when I was in year 10?” said Charlie with a little laugh.

“It made me think about those days when you and I did conditioning after practice,” said Nick, kissing Charlie’s neck, heedless of his sweat. “And how even then, I wanted you. How I couldn’t stop watching you run, watching how you moved. You are so incredibly sexy, Charlie Spring.”

Charlie didn’t respond, couldn’t, except to groan a little as Nick’s lips feathered against his neck. He had felt the same way during those conditioning sessions, taking in Nick’s body with his eyes and wishing he could touch it. And now he was. God, it felt so good. And in this moment, just a few months later, here he was with Nick semi-hard against his belly.

“I…knew I couldn’t shower yet,” said Nick, with a soft chuckle. “Not like this.”

“Mm,” said Charlie. “Yeah. That might invite some questions. I wonder if I can do anything to help out with that.” He ran his hands up under Nick’s shirt, palming his abs. 

Nick closed his eyes and his breath caught a little, letting out a soft sound. “No, let me make you happy, Char,” he said, running his hands over Charlie’s back, scratching a little over Charlie’s jersey. They hadn’t been able to have a spell of free time for nearly all of December, and Charlie was going a little mad with desire. He wanted Nick, wanted to please Nick. Nick was so giving, so eager to make Charlie feel good. And Charlie wanted to do that for him, too.

“No,” Charlie said firmly. “My team won. That means I am the winner, and the winner gets to decide what happens.” He had originally wanted to do this - go down on Nick - more romantically, with time to cuddle and talk later, but something in him just knew that this was right. This was what he wanted. This sweaty, perfect man. Sex didn’t always have to be perfectly choreographed or neat, Charlie was realizing. No matter what, it was so good with Nick - with someone he cared about. This was what he wanted right now. “Don’t be a sore loser, Nelson.”

Nick grinned at him. “Okay,” he said, kissing his smile against Charlie’s face. “You’re the boss, then.”

Charlie nodded at him, as seriously as he could make it. “I am.”

He worked Nick’s rugby shorts down, where Nick was already pressing against his compression shorts. Charlie worked his palm over Nick a few times through the fabric, who moaned quietly and pressed his hips forward, just perceptibly. Charlie slowly sank down to his knees, relishing the sharp intake of breath from Nick, watching him go to the floor. Charlie raised his hands up to Nick’s hips and slowly drew the compression shorts down, and Nick’s cock sprang out. Charlie took a minute to take this in - the sight of Nick, still mostly dressed and so aroused. So aroused because of Charlie. Charlie took a breath, grounding himself, pressing his hands just on the inside of Nick’s hip bones. 

He took Nick in his left hand and drew his cheek down along Nick’s shaft, making him shiver. He glanced up to see Nick staring at him, entranced, hands gripping the soft top of the table. Charlie gave a quick glance to check in and saw Nick nod, his eyes blinking open and closed. Charlie wrapped his hand around Nick’s base and wrapped his mouth around the head. It could have been a little gross after they had all run around for the touch match, but it wasn’t. It was just so essentially Nick. Nick made a sharp, high noise and pressed his lips shut, looking towards the ceiling and breathing heavily. Charlie, encouraged by Nick’s response, made a soft noise and worked his mouth down further, using one hand to work Nick’s shaft and the other to press against his hip bone. He could feel Nick’s lower abdominal muscles shifting and working, both trying to make his hips move and desperately trying to make them stay still. He was obviously trying to be as quiet as possible, but couldn’t fully swallow all of his sounds down. 

Charlie looked back up at Nick again to see that Nick was staring at him, pupils huge. Nick looked at Charlie in a way he’d never imagined someone - especially someone like Nick - looking at him. Lust, desire, appreciation, trust…it was everything Charlie had imagined sex could be, but had never experienced in his handful of partners and encounters. Charlie felt powerful in a quiet way that he’d never felt before. It was heady to have this effect on someone, and Charlie felt his heart swell up with fondness for Nick, this person who seemed to trust him entirely with his body and heart.

Charlie breathed into the feeling and worked Nick deeper, using the saliva as extra lubricant for his hands. He reached his right hand down to caress Nick’s balls, and then immediately understood why Nick was so eager to do that to him - clearly, this was a thing for Nick. Nick’s whole body jumped and relaxed, and Charlie could feel his legs shaking. It wasn’t long at all, maybe just a few minutes, before Nick shakily squeezed both of Charlie’s shoulders. 

“Char,” he whispered, his voice ragged. “Pull off if you - I’m going to…”

Charlie shook his head and looked up at Nick through his lashes. Nick leaned his head back and tangled his fingers in Charlie’s hair, his face utterly blissed out. 

“Charlie, I’m…Charlie. Char. Char. Charlie.” Nick repeated his name like a mantra as he came, and Charlie felt that same heady rush of desire, power, and trust. When Nick was done, Charlie gave him one last swallow and nuzzled his head against Nick’s hip, Nick stroking his hair and trying to control his breathing. When they had both recovered somewhat, Nick reached down and helped Charlie up, pulling him against his broad chest. 

“I want…can I,” started Nick, and Charlie shushed him.

“No time today, love,” said Charlie. “But maybe we can exchange a few more gifts on Boxing Day besides the ones we had planned.” He gave Nick a wink, then reached up and kissed him. Nick held him around the waist. They both needed a shower before they’d appear, fresh-faced and pleasant, for the family holiday lunch. They were both famished by the time they made it to the Hall of Fame room. 

-

Charlie was a little later getting to the party than he wanted to be. Olly was devastated that he wasn’t allowed to go, despite Charlie, his parents, Tori, and even Michael (over the phone) reiterating that it was a party for the team and was going to be all adults. That wasn’t totally true; many of the team members were bringing dates or siblings or friends, but it was decidedly not a kids’ party. Tori had opted to not go and Charlie had offered his flat to her for some hours of solitude, which she was very excited for. Well, as excited as Tori got. His parents were similarly disinterested in attending, saying that they’d need a quiet night after the big day. Olly was only slightly mollified when Charlie promised him that families would be invited to the end of year party, and Olly was number one on the invite list. He wished his family all a happy Christmas Eve and his dad dropped him off at Wilco’s. It almost felt like a cry back to secondary school, when Charlie’s father would bring him to a party, telling him to call if he needed anything. Charlie remembered the stab of nerves he’d always get going to parties, and thought about how different it was with this one, with the idea of Nick waiting for him inside. 

Charlie hugged his dad goodbye and goodnight, and headed into Wilco’s, where the door was unlocked and Charlie could already hear music and the chatter of many, many voices. Charlie swung the door open and entered, running immediately into Imogen. 

“Imogen, hi!” Charlie gave her a hug. They hadn’t seen each other since the gallery opening, but had of course had messaged in their group chat. Charlie barely was able to spend any time in the front office with how intense his workload had been. Imogen looked great, lively and glowing. 

“I know, I was hoping to run into you here,” said Imogen. “How’re things? All right?”

“They're great,” said Charlie. “My parents and family are here, which has been nice. They’re back at their hotel now. Olly desperately wanted to come, but…”

“…But yeah, I don’t think this is much of a place for kids,” laughed Imogen. “Or at least, it won’t be in another few hours and 50 bottles of wine. It's lovely that your family is here, though, how long are they staying?”

“They’re going back home early on Boxing Day to be with other family round back home. Is your family nearby?”

“Yes, my mum and dad are just about 20 minutes outside the city,” said Imogen. “So I’ll head there early tomorrow morning…or at least as early as I can make it,” she added, smirking a little at her near-empty wine glass. 

“You going to tie one on tonight, Immy?” asked Charlie. He was planning on getting a little tipsy himself and taking an Uber home. Preferably after feeling up a certain fly-half in a closet at some point.

She laughed. “No, I don’t think so. I’m actually going to see Sahar later tonight, so I won’t stay that late.”

“Oh, Sahar!” exclaimed Charlie. “That’s so nice, have you become friends after the gallery opening?”

Imogen looked at him, tilting her head slightly as if deciding something. “Yeah, we’ve been hanging out since the gallery opening.” She paused. “We’ve…gone on some dates, maybe?”

Oh. Oh! Charlie hadn’t realized…“Have you?” he asked in what he hoped was a curious and inviting tone.  

“Yeah,” said Imogen with a smile. “She’s great. We hung out a few times and chatted a lot after the gallery opening. We had a great time, and then she asked me on a date. And I said yes, and it’s been really fun.”

“That’s great, Imogen,” Charlie said, genuinely. He was surprised, but also gently chided himself a little for being surprised. He had assumed that since Imogen had liked Nick, she was straight. But he shouldn’t have assumed that liking someone of the opposite sex in the past (or even dating someone of the opposite sex) meant she was cemented as heterosexual. The man dating Nick Nelson should have known that, Charlie laughed to himself. He also wanted Imogen to feel welcomed and that she had a safe space in their rainbow group. “I’m glad you’re happy and having fun with Sahar. And know that you’re in good company with all of us, we love love in all forms.”

“Thank you,” said Imogen, meeting Charlie’s eyes and smiling. “It’s a bit new for me, honestly. I’ve always dated men before, so I was a little caught off guard when she asked me out. I’ve always thought women were beautiful, but didn’t think I was attracted to them, necessarily. But she asked me out and I was attracted to her and love being around her, so…” Imogen trailed off and thought for a moment. “I don’t know if that means I’m bi or pan or whatever, but honestly I’m not too bothered about a label at the moment. Other people might be, but that’s for them.” She shrugged in a who the fuck cares kind of way and Charlie loved her for it.

“Thanks for sharing that with me, Immy,” said Charlie, using the nickname that sometimes showed up in their chat. He hesitated, but decided to go through with it. “I’m actually gay myself.” He watched Imogen’s face as he said it. A wondering expression passed over her for a moment, but then she smiled and it was gone. “And if you do ever want to chat more about anything, I’m always here for you.”

Imogen hugged him tightly. “Thanks, Charlie,” she said, pulling back. “I really do appreciate that, and you trusting me with that.”

The word “trust” kickstarted Charlie’s brain a little. “Yeah, I’m not like…out at work, though,” he said. 

Imogen nodded. “I get it. Well, it’s not mine to share. And I hate using the word ‘secret’ about sexuality, so I guess instead I’ll say…your business is private with me.” She frowned, slightly. “Does that sound weird? Your business is private? Your privates aren’t my business? Oh no. I think I am officially tipsy.”

Charlie laughed. “No, that’s perfect. To both, I guess?” They both chuckled. “You’ll have to bring Sahar out with all of us sometime…if you want to, that is.”

Imogen beamed, and it was the same expression Charlie thought was on his face when he thought about Nick. “I’d love that.” She glanced at her phone, which was buzzing. “Speak of the devil. I’m going to figure out our plans for meeting up later. Have a good night if I don’t see you, Charlie. Happy Christmas.” Imogen stood on her tiptoes and kissed Charlie on the cheek. As she walked away, Charlie smiled to himself. He loved that the world was such a cool place of nice people liking other people, no matter who they were. There were of course a lot of shitheads who didn’t appreciate that, but he was glad that he’d found a group that did.

He entered the kitchen to a chorus of yells. He spotted Wilco and Annette immediately, hugging them both and thanking them for hosting. Annette added his bottles of wine to the impressive collection on the table and poured him a drink, encouraging him to eat and have a good time. Charlie stayed in the kitchen for a while, chatting with players and their various friends and family. Charlie got to meet Harriet, James’s sister, who played rugby herself. She and James kidded each other in that fond sibling way, and he found out through conversation that she and James had both been born in France, moving to England early in primary school. The two of them were close and were glad to be back in the same country, both having moved several times for their rugby careers. 

Charlie had been chatting with them and some others when he finally saw what he couldn’t wait to see - a glance of marble-carved man that was Nick Nelson. He drifted away from the now-larger group conversation and sidled up to Nick. 

“Hi,” said Charlie with a smile.

“Hi,” said Nick, smiling back. “Having a good time?”

“I am, yeah” said Charlie. “Even better now, though.”

“Me too,” said Nick. “Want to meet upstairs in an hour to say a proper hello? Everyone should be proper pissed by then.”

“Yes,” said Charlie. “Yes I do. Same bedroom…as before?” He fought down the soppy smile trying to break through. They grinned at each other before catching themselves. They both filled their drinks and then joined some other conversations, the tenor of chat continually getting louder as everyone got increasingly inebriated. 

Nick had been drawn to the formal dining room to play a drinking game with some of the lads when Danny came into the kitchen, all volume and joy as per his normal. He came in with Will and a pretty woman that Charlie didn’t know. Will made his way in and got a drink, joining Charlie, who had been standing alone for a moment. 

“All right, Springtime?”

“Oh yeah, all right. Happy Christmas!”

“You, too! What’re your plans for tomorrow?”

“My family’s here, so we’ll spend the day together in various states of hangover,” said Charlie. “You?”

Will started to tell Charlie about his plans, but Charlie’s eye was caught by James, who was looking at Danny and the woman he was with, looking stricken, seated a few feet away from Will and Charlie. Harriet had her hand on James’s back, gently patting it, glancing towards where his eyes were trained and murmuring something to him. 

Charlie half-listened to what Will said. When he was finished, Charlie nudged his chin towards the curly-haired woman with Danny. “Who’s that Danny brought with him?” Charlie asked quietly. 

“Oh, that’s Siobhan,” said Will. “I don’t know a ton about her, honestly. I know Danny said they’ve been hanging out a lot lately though.”

They both shut up as Danny came over with Siobhan and introduced them. Siobhan was friendly and bubbly, and they found out that she worked as a user experience researcher. They both asked about that and she explained what she did, which honestly sounded interesting. She also mentioned that she had played rugby growing up, and still loved getting to play some pickup games whenever she could. At that, Will had called over to Harriet.

“Oi, Harriet! You play rugby too, don’t you? You need to meet Siobhan, she played all through secondary and some of Uni.”

There was a split second before Harriet put a smile on her face and stood up to meet Siobhan, shaking her hand. James trailed behind her, saying nothing. After greeting Harriet, Siobhan glanced around Harriet, seeing James there, too.

“Hi!” she said brightly. “I’m Siobhan.”

“James,” said James, extending his hand, much more subdued than usual. “I forgot, I need to grab something from the cellar for Annette, she had asked for more wine…” He drifted off and gestured his chin towards the downstairs door, walking that way. Harriet looked after him with a pained expression. 

Danny’s eyes followed him as well, something in his gaze that Charlie couldn’t quite parse. “Actually, we all need to say hi to Annette and Wilco ourselves. Gonna go find her. Good to see you, Springtime. Can’t wait to see you blotto later.” He and Siobhan walked away, and Charlie thought he could hear her asking, “Was that him?”, but Charlie couldn’t hear the response. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but there was definitely something a little off between Danny and James. He was already a little fuzzy with drink, and decided to ponder it a little bit later.

Charlie headed to the dining room to watch the drinking games, where things had devolved. A large group of people were around Wilco’s long dining room table, one group was playing fuzzy duck, and other group playing crisp Jenga, precariously stacking crisps on top of the neck of a beer bottle until the stack fell over and the loser had to neck the bottle. Charlie watched a few rounds of fuzzy duck, laughing until his stomach hurt at Annette’s laughing, French slur of the phrase where she just kept losing. He eventually drifted over to the other end of the table, where Amy, Danny, Siohban, Lunker, his girlfriend Emma, Seamus, Kate, Fitzy, and several others were engaged in crisp Jenga. They were all intently focused on the game, faces alight with concentration and amusement. The stack was already fairly high, and the combatants were endlessly rinsing one another as they gently placed crisps even higher.

It was Amy’s turn. She took several theatrical deep breaths and stretched, before closing one eye and biting her lip, preparing to place another crisp on the stack.

“Don’t fuck it up, Ames!” yelled Fitzy.

“I got this,” said Amy. She started to reach forward, finding the right place to land the crisp as everyone continued to try to distract her. 

“It’s going to fall!”

“Get ready to neck that beer, you ginger witch!” (This was Charlie, who was singularly allowed to call her that as a term of love.)

“Now, now, don’t think you’re a failure when you fuck this up Amy,” said Seamus. “That’s your parents’ job.” This got a good laugh, Amy and Seamus’s banter well known on the team. 

Amy gingerly placed the crisp on top, held her breath, and let go. And it stayed. She smirked as the group booed and cheered, turning to Seamus and holding her hands like she was taking an imaginary picture. 

“Hold still,” said Amy. “I’m trying to imagine what you’d look like if you had any talent at this game.” There was another burst of laughter from the group, including Seamus. Charlie saw Kate’s face, shooting Amy an annoyed look. Amy caught it too, and looked a little startled and embarrassed. Charlie noticed that she didn’t tease Seamus at all for the rest of the round, seeming to avoid him and Kate. 

Charlie grabbed Amy after the game, wanting to just be around her and make sure she had a good time. She seemed to bounce back quickly and seemed back to herself in just a few minutes, and the two of them chatted for a while on the couch until Charlie noticed the time. He made an excuse to Amy, who happily went to talk to Harriet. Charlie slipped through the hallway to the stairs. He was a little early for his and Nick’s rendezvous, but when he pushed open the door to the guest room he saw that Nick was already there, too. 

“Eager, I see,” said Charlie, laughing as he saw Nick turn towards him. Nick was wearing a blue sweater that hugged his torso and looked incredible. “You look…amazing.”

Nick came over to him and pushed the door closed behind Charlie. “You’re the one who does, Char,” he said. Charlie was wearing a yellow sweater with white snowflakes that had seemed appropriately festive. He grabbed Charlie in an embrace and just held him for a moment. Charlie waited for Nick to draw back to kiss him, but it didn’t come, at least not yet. For the moment, Nick just seemed to want to hold Charlie, and Charlie wasn’t upset about it at all. He rested his cheek again Nick’s chest and burrowed in a little closer, Nick tilting his head a little to rest on Charlie’s. He loved when he and Nick got heated and couldn’t control themselves, almost desperate to touch each other. But this - this was something Charlie loved just as much. When he and Nick were just - Nick and Charlie. Together, quiet, still. 

“It’s funny,” murmured Nick against Charlie’s hair. “This is the same room where it all started.”

“I know,” said Charlie. “Sometimes I wonder…if Wilco hadn’t invited us, if the weather hadn’t been bad that night…I wonder if we’d have gotten together.”

Nick’s arms tightened just a little. “I think we’d find each other in any world,” he said, rubbing his thumb along Charlie’s back.

Tears sprang unexpectedly to his eyes and Charlie was glad that Nick couldn’t see his face for a moment. This fucking man. He just…undid him. The knots that Charlie still found himself tied in, tied himself in. Nick’s presence alone helped unravel those knots, loosen them. He didn’t have the words to say to express that to Nick - or maybe he did know what he wanted to say. But not quite yet. Not quite now. He settled for pressing himself impossibly closer and whispering Nick’s name. 

Nick finally drew Charlie back to kiss him, and their lips met once, then drew back together. They tilted their heads to press their mouths together hungrily, and Charlie laughed as Nick fell backwards on the bed, pulling Charlie along with him and using his own body as Charlie’s crash pad. They stayed there for a few minutes until they separated, aware that they couldn’t sneak away for too long. After a woefully short time, they composed themselves and straightened the blanket back on the bed, trying to erase all evidence of their momentary diversions. They stood at the doorway for another moment before they left, slightly staggered, to go rejoin the party. Charlie reached up to Nick’s cheek and turned his face towards him to give one final kiss. 

“Merry Christmas, Nick,” said Charlie.

“Merry Christmas, Char.”

They headed back downstairs to the party, filled with their friends and friends who were like family. Charlie couldn’t remember another Christmas Eve where he was surrounded by so many people he cared about, and he felt another poignant stab of joy that this was his. His team. 

Chapter Text

Charlie woke up on Christmas morning earlier than he would have liked in his fairly hungover state, his parents and Olly due to arrive at 9. Charlie hadn’t gotten home himself until nearly 2:30 in the morning. He had kept his drinking under control, the nagging reminder always in the back of his mind that he needed to stay clear-headed enough to not paw Nick in public. Nick had insisted on paying for Charlie’s ridiculously surge-priced Uber home, ordering Charlie’s before getting his own. And also…pulling him into the bushes in the hidden dark side garden of Wilco’s house to snog him silly as they waited for their cars to arrive. 

Charlie had gotten back to his flat and crashed into bed alongside Tori, who had enjoyed Charlie’s offer of a quiet, solitary place to stay while he was at Wilco’s. It was almost like they were back in secondary again, those nights when both of their minds and anxieties kept them up. They had periodically ended up in each other’s rooms on the roughest nights, just to have someone to breathe next to and with. Tori had fallen asleep with her laptop balanced on top of her when Charlie went in, and he had gently removed it and pulled the duvet over her before wrapping a separate blanket around himself and drifting into sleep. 

He had slapped his alarm into submission at 8 am, and Charlie finally dragged himself out of bed to start the coffee a few minutes later. He slumped as he tried to wake up, leaning against the counter and scrolling through the team chat. It was filled with pictures from the previous night and jokes making fun of one another. Lunker had committed the crime of falling asleep (or more realistically, passing out) on Wilco’s couch a little before Charlie left, and there had been several rounds of crisp Jenga played all over him. Later, they had taken to just decorating him with little crisp towers to see how many they could assemble. In the picture that Will had taken and sent to the group, he looked like a potato Stonehenge. There were others, too, players and staff and loved ones posing for photos in various groups, and Charlie’s eyes caught one of the captains and him and Amy. Fitzy had taken this one and captioned it, “Our leaders and our stop-the-bleeders,” which had gotten quite a few ‘like’, ‘heart’, and ‘haha’ reactions. Charlie and Amy were in the middle-ish, with Wilco next to Amy and Nick next to Charlie, Seamus on Nick’s other side. Charlie zoomed in on the picture to look at the shot of just him and Nick, and smiled. He hadn’t yet saved a picture of Nick for his contact, not wanting anyone who might see his phone seeing anything pop up if Nick called or messaged. But god, if he was going to save a picture, this one might be it. Their arms were around each other’s shoulders (as were the others’) and they just looked…happy. Charlie could not wait to see Nick the next day. 

Charlie heard grumbling and a soft dragging sound, and turned to see Tori drifting out of his room, duvet and comforter still wrapped around her like a huge Snuggie. 

“Morning,” said Charlie, offering her a cup of tea.

“Mrmrrf,” responded Tori, taking the tea. Charlie knew that she rarely drank hot tea except in the morning, and had prepared it exactly the way she liked. 

The two of them sat for a few minutes, waking up bit by bit. Charlie’s parents were bringing over a late breakfast spread that they had planned the previous day, as well as the haul of presents. It was nice to have this moment with just Tori before everyone came in. Olly had been so young when Charlie and Tori were in their formative years, and for the 13-year gap between him and Charlie, it had been just the two of them. They both adored Olly, but there was something unique about their relationship, which had been one of the bastions during both of their most challenging times. They didn’t say it in words to each other, but Charlie knew they both knew it, and knew Tori was one of his biggest, unquestioning supporters. 

They talked a little, bolstered as the caffeine hit their systems. Tori told Charlie that she and Michael were in fact adopting a cat a few days after Christmas, both of them having fallen in love with an 8 month old stray male at the shelter that they were going to re-name Beetlejuice (from his current moniker, Bravo). They talked about Michael as well, and Tori said that she’d be FaceTiming him later and she was sure Michael would insist on chatting with Charlie, from where he was spending the holidays with his mother. Charlie loved Tori for not pressing any more about Nick, who he avoided mentioning. They were both in a good state of mind when their parents and Olly arrived, Olly a tornado of enthusiasm. 

They opened stockings and presents one at a time, Olly playing Father Christmas and handing out the gifts to be opened. Charlie had gotten him a large framed picture of Olly and the team, with team signatures. Olly was thrilled to put it in his room first thing, and asked his mum if she thought he’d be able to bring it to school the first day of term. Charlie had gotten Tori a beautifully knitted black cashmere sweater that was far too large and incredible cozy, and the look on her face was one of the softest that Charlie had seen. Charlie himself received several albums from his dad, a few actually well-chosen sweaters from his mum, and a new set of drumsticks from Olly, which was just adorable. 

Tori got him something truly interesting - a little glass container with a large cork on top. In it were several wooden dice, each labeled with a different icon. One was ‘protein’ and each side displayed a different protein, one was ‘vegetable’, one was ‘spice’, one was ‘starch’, and so on. The idea was that you could pick the dice, put them in the glass container and give it a shake, and roll them and get an idea of what to make for dinner that night. It was a perfect gift that would let Charlie have control (by picking the dice) with some element of surprise, with whatever the dice landed on. Tori and her ideas and the way she knew him. He loved it and told her so.  

After opening presents, they had a nice breakfast and settled onto Charlie’s couch to watch part of the Harry Potter marathon and relax for a bit. They had the promise of a much larger Christmas spread later that afternoon to look forward to that they didn’t need to cook for, as Charlie’s parents had pre-ordered from Sainsbury’s. With his family suitably distracted, Charlie got a chance to check his phone since he had sent Nick an early morning Merry Christmas text with a series of hearts and Christmas trees right when he woke up. He was pleased to see a string of messages from Nick, including several pictures. 

Merry Christmas Char! I wish I was with you today ❤️❤️❤️

The next message was a picture of Nick holding up a poor-quality printout of Charlie’s freaking LinkedIn profile picture atop his tree. He followed it up with the caption Couldn’t decide between a star or an angel on top of the tree so I went with both 😂 Charlie made a mental note to send the vomiting emoji back on that one. 

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow

We all miss you. This one came with a picture of Nick, his face snuggled next to Nellie.

Xxxxxx 🥰 Call me later if you’re able to.

Charlie responded back, telling Nick that he missed him, too (Nellie more), and that he was counting down the hours until the next afternoon. He sent a few other messages to a few others on the team, including Amy, Seamus, Wilco, and others, as well as his rainbow group. He silenced the team group chat for the moment, as it was exploding with pictures and messages that he’d scroll through when he got the chance later that evening. He pocketed his phone after that and returned his attention to the side conversations that he and his family had as the movies played, enjoying a largely relaxing day, made even more so by the ‘hair of the dog’ wine that they opened around 1. Olly asked endless questions about the team and Charlie told him all of the appropriate stories that he could think of. All told, it was a happy Christmas, and Charlie was glad that his family had come up. They stayed until 8, and with many hugs, departed for home. It had ended up being the perfect amount of time together, and Charlie was grateful for a Christmas with no blow-ups, which were fortunately becoming rarer and rarer. He recalled some awful holidays when he was in the thick of his mental health crises, and wished he could have told younger Charlie how it truly would get better.

After his family left, Charlie messaged Nick to ask if he was free, then killed time scrolling through the team chat and laughing at the pictures and memes. Amy and some of the players at the team Christmas had sent several pictures, the eight of them all in pajamas at Coach Singh’s home piled on couches and chairs. Charlie made a mental note to remember to bring Amy’s gift to training tomorrow, as they were exchanging presents at the stadium before training started. He had already packed Nick’s present in his shoulder bag, along with a change of clothes, as they were staying at Nick’s. Charlie had gotten Amy an adult coloring book, which was a combination of soothing mandala-like pages with creative swears centered in the middle. He knew she liked coloring as a stress reduction means, and loved the idea of her neatly filling in the outlined words of “Fuck off, cockwomble!”, surrounded by intricate designs. He had also gotten her a three-month subscription to Audible to feed her audiobook habit, as right now she waited 3 - 12 weeks at a time for her titles to be available from the library’s digital catalog. 

Nick messaged back around 9, saying that his mum was leaving soon and that he’d call Charlie as soon as she had departed. In the end, though, Charlie dropped off to sleep with his phone on his chest a few minutes later, the lack of sleep the night before and the wine catching up to him. He was surprised awake by the phone buzzing as Nick called, and he answered the phone blearily. 

“Hullo?”

“Charlie? Were you sleeping?”

“Hm? Oh. Yeah, I think I dozed off.” Charlie moved the phone off his chest and turned on his side, curling towards the phone, which he put on speaker. 

“Oh, love, go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No, I want to talk to you-u-u-u,” Charlie yawned, the last word dragged out, completely negating his argument.

Nick laughed softly. “Bedtime for you, Char. Assistant captain’s orders. Or else no nooky tomorrow.”

“Nooky?” asked Charlie. “If I was more awake, I’d rinse you for that.”

“That’s understandable. All right, you. Sleep. I wish I could kiss you goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow, love.”

“Me too, baby. Merry Christmas. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

-

Training didn’t begin until a reasonable 11 am the following day in respect of Boxing Day, though Charlie was annoyed by anything that compressed his time with Nick for the coming late afternoon and evening. Still, it was nice to sleep in and be able to go for a run and tidy his place before heading to work. Amy picked Charlie up, and it was lovely to get a chance to catch up with the first round of the holidays before him.

“Merry Christmas, bitch!” called Amy as Charlie opened the door, beaming at him. 

“Do you think Jesus would approve that message?” laughed Charlie, settling in and giving her a hug.  

“Of course he would,” said Amy stoutly. “That’s what Mary said when he was born. I’m like 99% sure that’s in the Bible. Prophylactics 3:14, right?”

“Yes. Yes, that’s definitely right. All of it. How was team Christmas?”

“It was pretty good,” said Amy. “Singh made unbelievable food as always, and then we did the potluck that we’ve done for the last few years. It's really fun to see what everyone brings. Danny brought a bunch of packages of Tim Tams and we did spiked hot chocolate Tim Tam slams. I forgot how amazing those little fuckers are.”

“Oh, I think I remember that,” said Charlie. “That’s when you bite off the ends and drink through it, right?”

“Yes,” said Amy with a dreamy look. “It’s like a biscuit orgasming in your mouth. And speaking of - here you go.” With that baffling segue, she reached into her side door and pulled out an envelope, tossing it into Charlie’s lap. “Your Christmas present, my darling.”

Charlie opened the plain envelope, unadorned or wrapped in true Amy style. There were two pieces of paper folded inside. The first one he saw was a receipt for two tickets to Ingrid Michaelson, who both of them loved and was doing a tour in England and the UK the following year. “This is amazing, Ames! I can’t wait to see her!”

Amy glanced at him and smiled. “And Elle and all of the rest of everyone else is coming, too. We all got tickets, but I got yours as your present.”

“Thanks, Amy. I can’t wait.”

“There’s another piece of paper in there, too, did you see that one?”

Charlie had just assumed it was a printout for the second ticket, but realized it was something different, a printed out gift certificate. “One full service treatment at Skin Studios? What’s that?”

Amy gave him a quick, saucy grin. “It’s the waxing place I go to. I got you a full service gift coupon. And they do stuff like facials and that which you can also use it for, if you’d like. But you can also redeem that for a full waxing.”

“Full what waxing?”

“Your junk.”

“My junk?!”

“Hey, for some people, when they’ve got hands and mouths all up in their parts, they want to make it as…smooth as possible. And I have a feeling you’re getting some hands and mouths and, you know, parts. On your parts. You sassy little minx.”

Charlie sputtered. “You got me grundle waxing?”

“They also include your b-hole, too. If you want it done.”

“Amy. Dear god.”

“Don’t be such a prude! You know what I think is interesting? B-hole waxing is way less painful than anything else around there, at least for me. And when they put the warm wax on for that part, it’s almost nice, kind of like when someone-“

Charlie knocked his head against the window and covered his face with his hands. “Please don’t finish that.”

Amy laughed, completely unabashed. “Like I said, you can use it for whatever you want. I completely respect that some people like to be au naturale, too. And that’s totally great, too; you could use that for any skin treatment! You do you, babe. But here’s the option at least if you want it.”

Charlie snorted. He wondered how many coworkers got their colleagues the opportunity for genital waxing to celebrate Jesus’s birth. “You are a ridiculous human,” he informed Amy. “And I love you so much. And hate you, too.”

“Let me know when you go,” she said with a smirk. “I’ll come with you and hold your hand.”

“I would die before I let you watch me get my taint waxed,” said Charlie firmly. 

“It’ll be like the scene in The Forty Year Old Virgin! But even more fun! Well, for me.”

“Can we put on a podcast and listen to something more fun to talk about? Like an inevitable nuclear meltdown or climate collapse?”

Amy laughed again. “I can tell you more about team Christmas. It was quiet though, nothing wild.”

“Any drama?” asked Charlie. 

“Not exactly,” said Amy, slowly, considering. “It was…I don’t know, something felt a little off with Danny. And Seamus, too. I think Seamus had another row with Kate last night at the party, which…” she trailed off, looking a little pained. “Well, not my business.” She paused for a moment. “But Danny seemed a little…I don’t know, maybe distracted? He was still, like inappropriate and stuff as he always is. But yeah, just seemed almost like, pensive, and checking his phone a lot. Just not as fully himself as he usually is. I’m not sure what’s going on there.”

Charlie had some thoughts about that, but he didn’t think it was his place to speculate to anyone, even Amy. He also had some wonders about Seamus and Amy and some odd tension between the two of them, but this was not the time to bring those up. “Hmm, yeah. Guess we’ll keep an eye on it. Maybe just missing his family for the holidays, yeah?”

“Yeah that may be it,” said Amy. “I know how hard it is to be an ocean away from your family.”

“I know,” said Charlie, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder. “Is your family still coming over Easter this year?”

Amy brightened at this, having dimmed a little thinking about her family back outside Toronto. “Yeah, they’re all coming! My parents and all of my brothers. It’ll be the first time having all of us together in a couple years and I cannot wait.”

Charlie shuddered theatrically. “That many Jamesons. I don’t know if Leeds is ready.”

“Oh, it’s not, my little Springer spaniel. It is not. This poor town will never recover.”

When they got to the stadium and headed into the office, Charlie gave Amy her gifts. She loved both of them, and was gleeful for the audiobook subscription. She excitedly told Charlie about The Extraordinaries series by TJ Klune that she had listened to the first book of and was thrilled to get to listen to the other two, now that she could download them immediately. She described how funny the narrator was at bringing the sassy gay teen protagonist alive, and now Charlie wanted a subscription of his own to listen as well.  They got to work after exchanging their mutual thanks again and starting working with players, everyone exchanging holiday stories. They wrapped up with their pregame treatments and headed with Lucas, Amy’s last player, to the locker room where everyone was getting ready.

There was a general cry of “Springtime!” and “Ames!” that greeted them as they walked in and Charlie grinned. They did their rounds and helped out with taping before practice. Charlie headed over to James, whose knee benefitted from KT tape and started pulling off strips.

“Did Harriet and your parents have a good time?” Charlie asked. 

“They did, yeah,” said James. “We had a really nice day yesterday. For whatever reason, our family holiday movie was always Dumb and Dumber, so we watched that as a family. I forgot how stupid and funny it was.”

“Oh god, yeah,” laughed Charlie. They started quoting some lines to each other, going back and forth, James hollering, “We landed on the moon!” when Danny sat on the bench next to them to start lacing up his boots, his stall next to James’s.

James’s smile dropped a bit and he turned more businesslike. “Thanks, Charlie. Am I good to go then for the knee?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. You’re good to go.” He stood up and moved over towards the next player, glancing back. Danny was talking to James, who just nodded in response and stood up to stretch, lunging diagonally towards the center of the room, edging away from the benches. 

Charlie attended to a few more players before he came to Nick. 

“All right, Nelson?” he asked, crouching next to Nick, who liked KT tape on his shoulders. Nearly all of the team used it in training, and everyone had very specific placements they preferred. Charlie and Amy took care to make sure to handle each player’s body in the ways that felt best for them. 

“All right,” said Nick, doing an admirable job of keeping his face friendly and neutral. 

Charlie dropped the volume of his voice a little but kept his expression easy and light as he taped up Nick’s first shoulder. “Hey, have you noticed anything odd with James and Danny?”

Nick rolled his shoulder that Charlie was done with, who had shifted to his other. He kept his voice low, too. “No, have you?”

“Maybe? But I’m not sure exactly what might be going on,” said Charlie. “Keep an eye today at training though, yeah?”

“Will do,” said Nick, in his normal tone. “Thanks, Springtime.”

Charlie nodded to him like any other player and kept on down the line. There’d be time for… different looks to give Nick Nelson tonight.

-

Nick Nelson, that obedient asshole, insisted on still following the long cool-down and stretching routine that Charlie had recommended him the very first week he joined the team. Charlie was nearly going mad in the physio room waiting for him to be ready, eager to get back to Nick’s place. The benefit, though, was that the stadium was abandoned by the time they left close to 5, and Nick took Charlie’s hand once they hit the hallway to the car park, running the pad of his thumb against Charlie’s first and second knuckle. They got to the car and Nick opened the door for Charlie, surprising him and making him laugh. 

“Such a gentleman,” said Charlie as he settled into the car.

“Only the best for you, King Charles,” said Nick. “No…wait. Oh, that’s not sexy.”

“No, it’s not,” said Charlie. “But I forgive you.”

Nick leaned in to give Charlie a quick kiss before closing Charlie’s door and crossing over to his side. “Good. I need all the Charlie Spring goodwill I can get.”

“You already got it, baby.”

They drove a little, listening to music from Charlie’s phone and holding hands until Charlie broke the easy silence.

“Oh, so…did you happen to notice anything about James?” asked Charlie. 

“Not really, no,” said Nick. “There was nothing that seemed weird, at least at training today.”

This was a little reassuring, though Charlie knew he needed to consider the source, too. Nick was truly one of the most incredible humans on the planet, but he was sometimes such a boy about noticing things. 

“Why, what did you see going on?” asked Nick. 

Charlie described what he saw at the Christmas party, the odd moment when Danny came in with Siobhan, though he struggled to pinpoint exactly what was off. James hadn’t been rude (and neither had Danny) or unkind or anything like that…just not, himself. It was hard to describe without sounding vague, and he finished lamely. Nick didn’t exactly look skeptical but did wonder aloud if they were just drunk at the party and hungover this morning, or tired. Charlie acquiesced that it could have been that, and they dropped it as they pulled into Nick’s garage. 

They walked up the stairs to the living room, and Nick pulled Charlie into a tight hug. 

“Happy Boxing Day, Charlie,” he said, his voice muffled against Charlie’s coat.

“You too, you big oaf,” said Charlie. “Now, can we please get significantly undressed and do things to each other?”

Nick laughed and released Charlie. “I mean, yes, obviously. But can I give you your present first?”

Charlie smiled. “I’ll never say no to that. I’ve got yours here, too.”

They both shed their coats and Nick heated up water for tea. In a few minutes they were settled on the couch, Charlie tucked into Nick’s side and a blanket drawn over both of them. It was raining now, and Charlie felt incredibly cozy, there with Nick’s arm around him and rain drumming on the window. 

“Can I give you mine first?” asked Charlie. He was a little stressed about the politics of boyfriend gift giving. What if Nick gave him something really expensive, or something super practical, or something totally unexpected and Charlie’s gift didn’t compare? At least this way he could feel like he had some semblance of control rather than thinking about Nick’s reaction to Charlie’s gift the whole time he was opening what Nick gave him. He knew that Nick would be happy with anything Charlie gave him, but there was still a part of his mind, worrying at it. He wondered if that pattern would ever fully go away.

“Of course, love,” said Nick. Charlie handed him the small, wrapped box that had been sitting by his side and Nick tore off the paper. Inside was a flat, rectangular jewelry box that Nick opened to find a woven bracelet, an intersecting weave of yellow and blue leather connected by a brass clasp. Charlie watched Nick’s face anxiously as Nick picked it up, his face shining. “Oh, wow, Char, I absolutely love it! I don’t know why, but blue and yellow just seem so…perfect. For us.”

Charlie’s heart fluttered. He felt the same way; for some reason that combination was just...them. “Look at the clasp,” he said, pointing to the brass piece that connected the two halves. 

Nicked turned it over in his hands and looked at the small N and C engraved on each side of the brass clasp, the part that would be hidden, facing his wrist. He stared at it a moment, running his thumb along their initials. He turned suddenly and wrapped Charlie in a hug, holding Charlie for a long moment, not saying anything at all. When he drew back, his eyes were soft, loving, and a little emotional. 

“Char. I love it so much. Thank you.” He put it around his wrist and held it out for Charlie, who fastened the clasp. Nick took Charlie’s wrist after he was done and pulled Charlie’s hand to his own face. Charlie caressed the side of Nick’s face and Nick closed his eyes. He drew Charlie in for a soft kiss and then leaned his forehead against Charlie’s for a still moment. “I’m so glad to have something that reminds me of you on me all the time.” He cleared his throat and pulled a gift bag from the side of the couch. He pulled out a wrapped item from inside the bag and handed it to Charlie, looking eager and excited. 

Charlie opened it to find a signed hardback early copy of Brideshead Revisited, one of his favorite books and a formative one in his childhood. He had told Nick about it early on in their friendship, and was astounded to see that Nick had remembered how significant it was. 

“Nick…” Charlie trailed off, gently turning the book in his hands. “This is incredible. How did you find this?”

Nick grinned. “I had some help from Tara, actually. She knows some literary agents in London, who were able to connect me with a few specialty early edition booksellers who had some contacts who…you know, the six degrees of Kevin Bacon thing. Do you like it?”

Charlie looked at him. “Nick. I love it.” He thought he might like watching Nick’s face light up from that as much as he did the book, which would be one of his prized possessions. “Thank you so much, baby.”

Charlie reached to kiss Nick, but Nick had surprised him by leaning away to reach back into the bag and pulling out another wrapped item, which he handed to Charlie.

Charlie protested even  as he took it in his hands. “We said one gift! This isn’t fair!”

“Well…this one is kind of silly, to be honest. It’s nothing big.” Nick looked at him, seeming a little nervous now. 

Charlie opened the wrapping paper to see a framed picture he recognized immediately - the one of him, Nick and Nellie, the one from when they had walked in the unexpected October snow. Forget what Charlie had thought earlier about the picture from the Christmas party. This was the picture that he wanted to always keep in his mind for him and Nick Nelson. Two boys who adored each other but hadn’t found the words to say it yet, smiling in the snow, grinning at the camera with their faces slightly angled towards each other. He hadn’t noticed before that Nick was looking more at him than the camera. He was a little caught off guard by the picture and how impactful it was, his chest was tight with emotion. He looked at Nick, trying to convey how touched he was with his eyes. 

“Sorry it’s a bit handmade. I printed it out and then framed it myself. That was just one of my favorite days - ever,” said Nick, looking at Charlie a little apprehensively, like he was trying to gauge if Charlie liked the present. 

Charlie placed the picture between them on the couch, and pulled Nick in for another kiss. “Oh my god, Nick…I love it so much. I love this picture so much. I love that you framed it for me yourself. I love it.” I love you. 

Nick smiled as he drew back from the kiss. He traced his finger down the frame absentmindedly. “And, uh - this picture. I think that if…when I’m ready, or rather, when we’re ready, I’d - I’d like this to be the first picture that I post of the two of us on my Insta page.” Charlie’s heart felt ready to burst and he was about to respond, but it looked like Nick was going to continue. Nick took a breath. “I think…I think I’d like to come out to the team at the end of the season. That way, everyone can process whatever they think and feel over the break, and it won’t be a distraction with the Champion’s Cup and everything.” He took another deep breath, his eyes on Charlie’s and eyebrows knitted together in a worried expression. “And, like, Tara and my mum and everyone, too of course before them even. And then the public stuff - well, that would happen at some point, but telling the people who I, we, care about first. Is that…are you - what do you think about all of that? Are you willing…are you okay waiting for me?” Nick seemed almost nervous to meet Charlie’s eyes at this last part.

Charlie’s entire soul was alive, his chest aching with so many emotions. This perfect, perfect man. This gentle soul who was figuring everything out, but still thinking of Charlie and how he fit into it. He had to gather himself before he was ready to respond. “Nick. God, Nick. I would wait for you as long as you needed.” He looked deep into Nick’s eyes, touching his face as he said it. “I cannot tell you how proud and impressed I am about how much you’ve thought about this. I’m…I’m just so proud of you for wanting to come out to the team. I do, too. And I’ll wait for whenever you’re ready.”

Nick blinked his eyes rapidly a few times, relief and joy on his face. “And, but - are you ready, Charlie? Or would you be? This would be about both of us.”

“I am,” said Charlie. “I think it would be scary, yeah, but it’s our team, right? Our family, our friends. The public stuff is intimidating, and way more so for you I know, but there’s the whole thing about ‘those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter’, right?”

Nick nodded for a long moment. “Right. That’s actually what Lucy has been saying, too. It’s still scary…but I think the team - I believe in our team.”

“I do, too,” said Charlie. He wanted to ask about Nick’s dad and brother (he couldn’t imagine Sarah Nelson being anything less than a supportive queen), but knew they’d have plenty of time to think through and process that before the end of the season. “God, Nick…” He trailed off, just too proud and full of love for Nick to continue. He looked back down at the picture of the two of them and smiled. “And this. I love this so much. I can’t wait to wake up to your face every day even on the mornings that you’re not there.”

Nick grinned and rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Yeah…I actually had one printed for myself for that very reason.”

“No you did not,” said Charlie, laughing. “Where is it?”

“In my bedroom…” Nick said with a groan, and Charlie was off. He took the stairs two at a time and burst into Nick’s room, immediately spying the picture on Nick’s nightstand. Nick was a few moments behind him, slightly out of breath and smiling widely, though a little embarrassed. Charlie plucked the picture off the side table and held it in his arms against his chest. “Oh my god, Nick. Are you a Jane Austen character? Do you just stare longingly at my face, waiting for me to come home from the war? On a scale of 1 to ‘so much’, just how intensely do you pine for me?”

Nick rolled his eyes and took the picture out of Charlie’s arms, placing it back on the table, facing the bed. “That’s my business,” he said, purring into Charlie’s neck. Charlie felt his legs go to jelly a bit and he clutched at Nick’s sides. Nick sat down on the bed and pulled Charlie after him, pivoting Charlie so he was sitting in Nick’s lap. His hands roamed up Charlie’s ribs as he alternately kissed either side of Charlie’s neck, making him sigh. “What about you, Char?” he murmured. “Do you pine for me?”

Charlie’s eyes were closed in bliss and he wasn’t sure if he remembered how to talk. He figured a moan would suffice, and it seemed to do the trick. Nick pushed up Charlie’s chin with two fingers and stretched his neck to work Charlie’s more, mixing harder and softer pressures against Charlie’s sensitive skin. At the same time, one of Nick’s hands held Charlie firmly on his lap, diagonally hugging his torso, while the other squeezed and massaged against Charlie’s chest, shoulders, arms - whatever he could reach. Charlie for his part wrapped one of his arms behind him to wrap behind Nick’s head. He tangled his fingers in Nick’s hair, gently tugging on fistfuls of his locks. With the other he trailed his fingers against Nick’s thigh, side, and neck, traversing whatever he could touch on Nick’s body. Charlie could feel his own arousal growing, and from his placement on Nick’s lap, he could feel Nick getting hard under him. This was different, somehow, felt different. Charlie could feel the hard press of Nick against his ass, and the knowledge that there was still more for the two of them to explore and do danced like an exclamation mark through Charlie’s mind. 

Charlie started to circle his hips on Nick’s lap, and was rewarded by a chesty, deep groan from Nick. Oh. He continued to swivel as Nick kept touching and kissing him, and relished in the sounds Nick was making. Nick was pressing directly against his ass, and it was almost too much for Charlie to bear, in the best way. They hadn’t talked about - about that yet. Charlie arched his back and pistoned his hips up and down a few inches, and Nick’s whole body shuddered underneath him. Charlie turned his head to half-face Nick’s.

“Do you…do you like this?” asked Charlie. 

Nick exhaled, his eyes closed. “Char.” He swallowed. “This is…god. Yes. I do.”

“I do, too,” said Charlie, rubbing his cheek against Nick’s forehead. 

“Honestly, Char, if you keep going like this, it’s going to be like that first time on your couch. I’m losing my mind over here.”

Charlie smiled. “We have all night, you know.”

Nick groaned again, and Charlie took that as his cue to switch to a rocking motion. This made Charlie able to feel Nick slipping up and down between his cheeks, not able to feel everything that he wanted through both of their clothes, but feeling the thrill in the deepest pit of his belly when he felt Nick brush past his hole. He cycled between rocking, spiraling, and lowering and lifting his hips, getting harder himself by the second. When he couldn’t take it any more, he took one of his hands to himself through his joggers and rubbed his erection, this making Nick even more excited when he caught sight of Charlie. Charlie kept moving, and Nick thrust his hips against Charlie, undulating his lower torso in the sexiest way Charlie could imagine. After a few minutes of this mind-blowing friction, Nick came first, his stomach tensing and releasing, his dick jumping slightly under Charlie as he orgasmed. He reached one of his hands around to gently brush Charlie’s out of the way. Nick stroked Charlie to his own climax just a minute later, Charlie still working his hips and pushing against Nick’s not-yet soft penis as Nick made sensitive but pleasurable sounds. 

Both finished, Nick pulled Charlie back against the bed with him, wrapping his arms around Charlie’s back.

“Well,” said Charlie, when he recovered enough to speak, turning on his side to cuddle against Nick. “That was, um…”

“An incredible preview?” asked Nick, his eyes closed. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie, a grin on his face. 

“Char?”

“Yeah?”

“I…I really want to do that with you.”

“I do, too,” said Charlie, looking up at Nick’s face. 

“I’ve been, uh, researching online I guess? Because I said at the start that I didn’t know what I’d be doing always, but with this stuff, I feel like I really don’t know what I’m doing. Or could be doing? Like, I’ve been reading about topping and bottoming and all of that. Have you ever - what do you think about when you think about that with - us?”

Charlie turned on his side and propped himself up a little, looking at Nick. God, he adored this man and his love of Googling anything and everything. “Hm, yeah. I guess…I usually think of it like that. With you, um, topping. Not always, though, and I think I’d be open to trying both ways, but yeah, usually with you as the top. What…what do you think about?”

Nick reached out a hand to play with Charlie’s curls. “The same, mostly. Mostly me…on top. But uh, yeah, sometimes I imagine it the other way, too. So I think maybe I could be vers, even a little bit?”

Charlie chuckled. “You have been researching, huh?”

Nick smiled. “Yeah. And from a bunch of stuff I read, it sounds like a lot of people aren’t strict tops or bottoms or whatever even though that’s what you hear all the time. And a bunch of the articles encouraged trying out a bunch of different things to get to know what you really like, instead of just assuming you know."

“I…I read similar stuff,” admitted Charlie. As much as he gently teased Nick for relying on Google for everything, he’d been down quite a few incognito browser rabbit holes himself, especially recently. “And like, it sounds like some people are mostly one or the other but like to switch it up sometimes, and then of course there are some that are just one way or the other. And then there’s people who switch it up all the time, too.”

Nick smiled at him. “I want - I don’t…I want to be good for you. I want it to be good for you. And all of this is new to me. I don’t even really know how to…” He reddened a little bit. “Like, I’ve never fingered anyone, there? And never had it done to me at all either.”

Charlie was so, so glad that Nick was talking about this. All of this had been on his mind, too, knowing that he wanted and was ready to explore more with Nick, but knowing that where they were going was mostly new territory for both of them. Charlie had had a few instances of penetrative sex in Uni, but it had been only fine - experimentation for the sake of experimentation, and definitely not with enough prep to make it as enjoyable as some people seemed to think it was. Or maybe everyone was just lying and pretending sex was awesome as the world's largest collective practical joke.

“Nick, it’ll be good because we’re going to figure it out together.” He punctuated this with a kiss. “And, yeah - this is honestly pretty new for me, too. I haven’t done…much with any of this either. And not for like, three years. I mean, I’ve done some stuff on myself, but…” He trailed off, feeling a little embarrassed to admit that he’d fingered himself. He glanced up at Nick, to see his face looking intrigued and turned-on. 

“Have you…when do you do that?” Nick said, his voice throaty. 

“I, um…sometimes on the nights that we’re not together and I’m thinking about you…I do that. When I uh, have a wank.”

Nick’s eyes were now smoldering. “You think about me when you do that? When you…when you finger yourself?” His breath was quickening a little, and Charlie loved seeing the effect that his words were having on Nick, giving him a little more confidence back. 

“I - yeah. I have, a few times. I think about…if it was you doing it to me. Or if it were - you. In me.”

Nick inhaled sharply through his nose, and Charlie felt Nick’s fingers twitch against his back, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. “Char,” he breathed. “That is so hot.” He pulled Charlie towards him and pressed their hips together. “So fucking hot.”

Charlie rolled his hips back against Nick, already feeling incredibly turned on again, even if his dick needed a minute to catch up, still recovering. He kissed Nick, his mouth open, Nick meeting him hungrily and pushed his tongue into Charlie’s mouth, in the slightly assertive way that Charlie really, really liked. Charlie could already feel his body responding as they kissed, his hormones racing through his body and the blood flowing back between his legs. 

Nick give Charlie another deep kiss, then pulled away, still holding Charlie with his hands on either side of his face. “Char…can I try doing that to you? Tonight?”

Charlie looked back at Nick’s eyes, pools of honeyed brown that he could stare at all day. “Yeah,” he said, his voice tight with desire. “I want you to do that to me.”  

Nick kissed him on the tip of the nose and lifted himself up on his hands and knees to lean over Charlie, reaching into the bedside table. He pulled out a bottle of lube and placed it next to them on the bed. He went back to kissing Charlie, sliding a hand up his stomach to take off his shirt, laughing and peeling off his own when Charlie tugged at the hem and made a whining sound. He laid back partially on Charlie as he edged Charlie’s joggers down, then flipped on his back when Charlie did the same, tugging Nick’s off too. Both of them were a bit of a mess from before, and Nick tossed both sets of joggers and shirts in the direction of his laundry basket. Nick moved a little down the bed and removed Charlie’s pants, Charlie shivering a little bit at the air hitting the wetness that still remained. Nick pulled off his own, telling Charlie that they were too wet to leave on. Not that Charlie was complaining. Nicely naked Nick Nelson was one of his favorite things.

Nick settled himself between Charlie’s legs, gently pressing Charlie’s thighs apart and moving his feet so that they were flat on the bed, knees bent. He knelt down and kissed the inside of Charlie’s thigh. “Let me know if I hurt you at all, okay? Or what feels good?”

Charlie nodded, staring at Nick, who took a deep breath as though he was able to kick for a penalty, focusing and grounding himself. Nick put some lube in his hand, and wrapped one hand around the base of Charlie’s firming dick, making Charlie jump a little. “Sorry, cold!” said Charlie.

Nick stroked the base and with a lingering look at Charlie, wrapped his mouth around the head. He worked Charlie for a moment with both his hand and his mouth before drawing back, Charlie making a wounded sound when he came off. Nick poured a bit of lube onto the fingers of his right hand, and with the left, pushed Charlie’s right knee to his chest. “Promise to tell me what feels good, yeah?”

“I promise,” said Charlie, grazing his hand against Nick’s, holding the back of his thigh. It felt vulnerable and scary and…right to be like this, where Nick could see him, all of him. He trusted Nick.

Nick rubbed his fingers together with his thumb to warm them and spread the lube, then drew a line from the base of Charlie’s balls down his perineum. Already, Charlie was shivering in anticipation, and when Nick drew gentle circles on his entrance, Charlie felt his whole pelvis light up, nerves firing. Nick looked at Charlie’s face, and Charlie gave him a blissed out grin. Nick worked closer in, and then finally – finally – slipped his finger in Charlie. 

It already felt so different from doing it to himself. Charlie consciously tried to relax as much as he could. It was thrilling to know that this was Nick, actually Nick, doing this to him. “Does this feel okay?” he heard Nick ask, his voice a heady whisper. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie. It really, really did. “That feels - good. Yeah, good. You can go in deeper.”

Nick worked his finger into Charlie, first keeping still, and then moving it around a little bit, circling minutely and turning his wrist fractionally once Charlie gave him the go-ahead. The tiny movements felt amplified in Charlie, and he was incredibly hard, even without Nick touching him. “Can I try something?” asked Nick. “I was reading about how to find, um, your prostate.”

“Yes,” said Charlie emphatically. 

Nick pivoted his wrist so that his finger pad was towards Charlie’s navel, and pressed forward a few times. It felt fine, still nice at first, and then…holy shit. 

“Fuck Nick, yes, oh my god, yes, there,” babbled Charlie. 

“Here?” Nick breathed, massaging the same spot. He missed it occasionally and found it on other presses, responding to Charlie’s nonverbal cues until he was consistently hitting that amazing, sensitive area in Charlie. 

“Can you…will you add another?” asked Charlie, a little breathless.

“Yes, love,” said Nick, dropping another kiss on Charlie’s inner thigh. He added more lube to his middle finger and carefully put it in Charlie along with his index, who writhed. “Is that okay?” Nick asked worriedly, misreading Charlie’s movements.

“Yes, so good,” said Charlie, trying to settle his hips. This was so hot, so incredible. When Nick started to softly scissor his fingers as he moved his wrist, Charlie saw stars. “Oh! Oh, that is so…yes. Oh, god.” He caught a glimpse of Nick’s face, his pupils nearly blown out with lust and his gaze intense, flickering between Charlie’s body and face. He adjusted himself slightly so he could wrap his left hand around Charlie’s dick as he worked him with his fingers, making Charlie nearly squeal with Nick’s full attention on him. Between Nick’s hand stroking him, his fingers pressing and twisting against his prostate, and the pure headiness of the moment, Charlie lasted only a short time longer, coming with an audible cry, not even able to warn Nick before he orgasmed. 

Nick gave him a few, final strokes, and removed his fingers so carefully it almost made Charlie tear up. He rested his head for a moment on Charlie’s thigh and looked up at him. “So…how did you like someone else doing it this time?”

Charlie laughed weakly. “Oh, it was okay.” He patted the bed next to him without looking. “Come here, please.”

Nick got up and got a washcloth, cleaning up Charlie in another act of tenderness that made Charlie’s heart swell again. He laid down next to Charlie and pulled him onto his chest. “Did…did that all feel okay?”

“It was amazing, Nick,” murmured Charlie. “I mean…how many hours of ‘research’ did you do?”

Nick chuckled. “Well, I have plenty of time when we’re on the road and you and I are in separate hotel rooms. I need to pass the time somehow.”

“Well, you get an A. A big, capital one.” Charlie hummed against Nick’s chest for a moment. “That makes me…really want to keep going next time. Or whenever time feels right. But I…that felt so good.” He glanced up at Nick, whose eyes were closed and had a tiny, proud smile on his face. That boy really did have a thing for praise. They lay there for a few minutes, Charlie recovering. After a stretch of silence, Charlie tapped his fingers against Nick’s chest. “Nick?”

“Mm?”

“Do you…would you want to try that?”

Nick was quiet for a moment, seeming to consider. 

“We don’t have to, at all, not right now,” said Charlie. “And you don’t have to want to ever try that. But if you do want to, I’d-”

“Char,” Nick’s voice was warm. “I know. I know you’d always be okay with anything I’d want or not want to do. But I think…yeah. I think I want to try that?” He looked at Charlie. “Will you…do that to me?”

Charlie smiled at Nick softly. “Yeah,” he said. I do want to do that.” He rose to his hands and knees and kissed Nick, who returned it softly. He kissed down Nick’s body, from his neck to his chest (where he got stuck for a moment, not his fault Nick was a broad carved statue), to his abdomen. He knelt by Nick’s legs and pushed them so his knees were bent. 

“Here, uh…” Charlie started. “Can you, like, put your hips on a pillow? It might make it easier…”

Nick grabbed a pillow and handed it to Charlie, lifting his hips for Charlie to slide it underneath. Charlie shifted his body around, trying to find the best position to be in. On his side? Kneeling? How did Nick make that part look so easy? God, sex was a little bit of a production sometimes. He settled on his knees, and leaned in close to kiss Nick’s happy trail, eliciting noises from him. Charlie slipped his hands up and down Nick’s torso, then drifted them to his groin, running them everywhere close, but not yet touching his dick. Nick whined a little bit and moved his hips. Charlie chuckled and gave him the briefest brush. Nick was already hard, but getting harder with Charlie’s teasing. 

“Char,” said Nick, lifting his head. 

Charlie winked. He'd save teasing for another time. “Okay. Let me know - well, everything. If anything does or doesn’t feel good.” Nick nodded, dropping his head back to the pillow. Charlie put lube on his fingers and rubbed them together. He gave Nick a few strokes, earning more sounds in return. He was learning - Nick was noisy. And Charlie loved it. He drew a few gentle lines and circles around and over Nick’s entrance, relishing in Nick’s twitches. “Ready, Nick?” Charlie asked. Nick nodded and Charlie pressed his finger in, just slightly. “Relax, baby.” Nick exhaled and did, and Charlie went in a little deeper. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah…” murmured Nick. “I think I just need a second.” Charlie waited until Nick gave him the okay, asking him to move. Charlie did, moving in a similar way to how Nick had done, Nick closing his eyes and arching his back a little, now making the sounds that Charlie knew were Very Good noises. He turned his wrist and pressed his fingers, trying to find the same spot on Nick, and was rewarded when Nick yelped a little. 

“Holy… shit. Jesus, Char, yes!”

Charlie grinned to himself and continued to explore, moving to and away from Nick’s prostate and drinking in the delicious, tiny sounds Nick was making. 

Nick reached down and brushed Charlie’s hair with his fingers. “Char, can you…add another?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie, turning his head to kiss Nick’s wrist. He added a little more lube and slowly pressed in his middle finger, Nick now louder, hips moving a little. He checked in and Nick was still good, so he started to move a bit more, scissoring his fingers gently in the same way that Nick had. That, combined with him twisting his wrist again to massage the spot in Nick, seemed to drive Nick wild. He started to move his hips, pressing back against Charlie’s hand and making happy, deep sounds that cut right through Charlie. They went like that for a few minutes, Nick getting louder and Charlie loving every minute of it.

“I’m so close…please, touch me,” said Nick, almost sounding pleading. A tiny part of Charlie, buzzing with pleasant power, wanted to tease just a little, but he wanted to touch Nick, be the person who could make him feel that way. Charlie balanced himself on his knees and used his other hand to wrap around Nick, squeezing and working from base to tip and back. It only took a few seconds before Nick finished, Charlie feeling everything, the sensation of Nick’s orgasm shooting down his entire body. 

When Nick was done, Charlie removed his fingers as gently as possible, the same way Nick had. He took the second cloth that Nick had thoughtfully brought when he cleaned up Charlie, and did the same for him. When he was done, Charlie threw the towel in the same pile of discarded clothes and climbed back up next to Nick, pressing next to him and laying his head on the same pillow. He felt Nick wrap his pinkie around Charlie’s, and returned the pressure. 

“Hi,” said Charlie, turning to Nick with a smile. 

“Hi,” said Nick, smiling back with his eyes still closed. “Okay…yeah. I’m definitely vers.”

Charlie burst out laughing, and Nick joined him. “Yeah. I think we both may be, based on that.” They talked for a little longer before forcing themselves to shower, which they did together. Once toweled off and dry, they slipped into Nick’s bed, exhausted and satisfied. It had definitely been one of Charlie’s favorite Boxing Days ever.

-

The following day at training, Charlie knew it would be hard to look at Nick as neutrally as he needed to when they were at work. He just kept picturing Nick last night, the looks of desperate need and the joy of this new type of discovery on his face as the two of them explored each other. The sounds that Nick had made, those tiny ones that cut directly through Charlie, lighting him on fire. He had to take a few grounding breaths before he went into the locker room and tried to wipe the smile off his face, which kept creeping in as he remembered the night before. He opened the locker room door to the usual wall of sound. Players were milling about or messing around, still trickling in from the pitch. 

Danny, Will, Lucas, and Stig walked into together and sat on one of the benches, chatting about the upcoming match. They were playing against an Italian team as part of the Champion’s cup group they were in, the Zebre Parma. It was always interesting to play one of the other European teams outside of their league, with the challenges of seeing less of their play. This week would be heavy on match footage review to prepare for the fixture later that week.

James and Wilco walked in together, still in conversation about training. “Walkie-talkie!” said Danny as James entered, using the nickname that had apparently originated when they were in Uni together. “That was a brilliant dodge in that last drill. You looked like you could finally beat Springtime over here.” The rest of the players around them laughed and James glared at him, but there was humor in his face, too. Maybe whatever had happened was resolving itself. 

James smirked. “I just wanted Spring the elder over there to look good for his brother. Otherwise that poor kid only has you lads to look up to, which is like admiring the shiniest shit in a toilet.” There was another round of laughter, and Charlie joined in. It was good to see things seemingly go back to normal, and Charlie felt Nick’s eye catch his for a moment. Nick gave a little head tilt and tiny shrug that seemed to say seems all right to me? Charlie returned it with a tiny motion of his own. Yep, seems okay?   

They all headed back to the locker room and started to strip down for cool-downs, stretches, physio work, or showers. Charlie caught snippets of conversations around the room as players pulled off layers and checked their phones for messages they missed when they were on the pitch. Danny and James were chatting with Wilco and Lucas about some Jackbox game that Charlie hadn’t heard of, but was interested in trying at some point. Something about designing t-shirts through a combination of drawings you did and sayings you entered. Danny had been talking about a team Jackbox game all year, and he was sure it would happen at some point during the season. Charlie was kneeling in front of Danny, working out a knot in his calf before his appointment with Wilco in the physio room. Danny’s phone rang, and he glanced over and answered it as Charlie continued to work.

“Siobhan! What’s up, girl?”

James’s face closed. He dropped the conversation and changed quickly into his towel, wrapping it around his waist and heading for the showers. Charlie tried not to listen to Danny’s conversation, but being that close, it was hard not to. It sounded like Danny had forgotten something in Siobhan’s car and they were going to meet for coffee for him to grab it. Charlie finished with Danny and pointed to his calf, giving Danny the okay sign with his hand. Danny flashed back a sunny thumbs-up and mouthed a thanks as he wrapped his call. Charlie stood up and left for the PT room, which was vacant; Amy in the stretching room with a few of her players. 

Wilco came in a few minutes later for his appointment, greeting Charlie. They got to work on his elbow as well as his hips, since his hip flexors had been bothering him in the last few games. As Charlie worked, they chatted about the Christmas party and its aftermath. Wilco laughed as he recounted paying his kids fifty pence for every bottle cap and cork they could find stashed around the home in the post-Christmas cleanup, noting that he was out a fair amount of pounds after that. He said that Annette sent her compliments and asked when Charlie was coming over to dinner again, to which he said he’d be there any day he was invited. 

They were wrapping up their work thirty minutes later, Amy still not back. Wilco stood up and stretched, pulling his knees alternately to his chest to release his hips and then swinging his leg back and forth in wide arcs as Charlie turned to grab his notes from their session. Wilco finished his movements and stood up again to look at Charlie. 

“Charlie,” said Wilco. “One of my roles on the team is to keep an eye on everyone. Make sure they’re doing well as players, of course, but also keep a pulse on how they’re doing. As people, too.”

Charlie’s heart quickened a bit. Was this something about Nick? He had been doing so well, especially as of late now that he’d been seeing Lucy. That had made such a difference. Or maybe it was about him. Charlie got the sense more and more that Wilco knew, or knew something. 

Wilco continued. “James.” Charlie’s pulse settled, just a little. “I think there’s something going on with him. I feel like he’d benefit from processing a little with someone. Or just having that door opened up for him to feel like he can process with somebody.”

“Yeah, to be honest…I’ve noticed the same,” said Charlie. “Well, I know Lucy’s been a good help for multiple people, so I wonder if he might benefit from talking to-”

“Yes, Lucy is great,” said Wilco, looking directly at Charlie. “But I think he’d do well to talk with you.” He placed his hand on Charlie’s shoulder and gave him a meaningful look and a head nod. With that, he headed out of the PT room, leaving Charlie alone, his mind spinning.

Chapter Text

The rest of the holiday week zipped by. The team had intensive training before the Parma match, which was taking place at their stadium in Italy. Sadly, it would be a fairly quick trip without much time to actually be in Italy. Their fixture was on the 31st, with a team New Year’s Eve event in their hotel, as a way of the team hoping to control how wild the players went that night. They’d be going back on the first for players to see their families and loved ones, and Charlie knew that the flight would be an ugly one, with hangovers in no short supply.

Fortunately, their team travel manager had a strong relationship with British Airways, and was typically able to preemptively book the entire team and staff on regional Embraer 190s for their international flights. This essentially allowed for private flights for the team and staff, close to filling the small planes with their numbers alone. The few first class seats were reserved for the coaches and captains, and the rest of the team and staff filled the back. Ingeniously, Imogen was able to even generate income for the team for some of the international fixtures, by allowing wealthy benefactors to purchase the remaining seats on the plane at exorbitant cost, for the privilege of “flying with the Badgers”. The players were expected to greet them warmly and thank them for their support, then leaving them to the media, marketing, and PR staff to fly largely unbothered.

They took off offensively early on the 29th, Coach Croft encouraging sleep as they had tape review and training that evening. Charlie and Nick messaged a little before dropping off to sleep on the nearly-silent flight, everyone feeling the effects of their 3:30 or earlier waking time. The bus ride to the hotel was a little livelier, traversing from the Bologna airport to the town, passing by beautiful towns that Charlie wished they could stop in. Maybe some day he and Nick would take a trip through Italy. Or Spain. Or France. Honestly, he’d like to hold hands with him in any country. And grab his butt, too.

They had a few hours of down time at the hotel before training that day, which went well. The team was looking good - they had gelled in the last month, and their series of wins put them in a great place in the table, well-positioned for the Champion’s Cup. They didn’t get much down time, but Charlie still enjoyed the swirl of Italian language in the stadium from the home staff. He was a sucker for accents and foreign language.

The match took place on a sunny but cold day. The Badgers were completing their pre-game warmup on the pitch. Nick had dropped to the field to stretch out his hip flexors, on his hands and knees, periodically pressing his hips back and forth. Charlie was feeling a little uncomfortably hot despite the weather, watching Nick’s ass in the air moving as he shifted through the various positions of the stretch. He allowed himself to watch a little more than he did before he knew how Nick felt, but still tried to keep his eyes moving, despite how incredibly hard it was to tear them away. That night a few days ago was still spinning through his imagination, thinking about how good it all felt and how genuinely eager he was to explore even more with Nick. He physically turned away from the field to unnecessarily organize his kit, smiling as he thought of the possibilities of the night ahead of them, after the party.

Charlie turned back towards the field when he heard one of the opposing players, Jacques Lamaire, calling Nick’s name. He vaguely remembered that Nick said he and Jacques had crossed over on one of their Juniors teams for one of their first years.

"Nick! Trop bien de te retrouver mec!"

“Salut Jacques,” said Nick with a smile. "Ouais cool de te revoir. Ta vitesse s'est améliorée récemment, mon vieux?" Holy fuck. Nick spoke French?! Well, of course Nick would speak French. His father was French, and it made sense that he would be fluent. What did not make sense was how intensely turned on Charlie was as he continued to listen to Nick and Jacques’s friendly-sounding conversation. Fuck, the match hadn’t even started yet and he was already desperate to press Nick against a wall and try to learn French via osmosis through his tongue. Charlie hadn’t taken linguistics classes, so he’d check to be sure that was how language acquisition worked. For science. Charlie looked elsewhere on the field but strained his ears to continue to listen to the conversation, assuming that Nick was saying, “Yeah, mate, I have this incredible, gorgeous boyfriend who I am going to ravish after this game on one of your visiting team locker room benches. Yes, with my penis.”

Charlie shook out of his reverie as Nick and Jacques shook hands and parted and the team started back through the tunnel for their last pre-game meeting. Nick lagged behind a little to jog next to Charlie and spoke quietly.

“You okay? You look a little red.”

“I’m fine,” said Charlie. “Just…you, uh, speaking French.  You are…I want to do things to you.”

Nick laughed, loudly. “Hmm. You like the French, do you? Mon amour?” He said this with a wink.

“Oh my god Nick, stop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I am losing my mind today. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Now you know how I feel all the time. J'ai hâte de te retrouver dans ma chambre. Puis te mettre sur le dos dans ma chambre.”

Charlie swore. “Jesus, Nick. I don’t know what that means but I am inventing lots of translations and none of them are appropriate for a fixture morning. Okay, get to the locker room before I say screw it and pounce on you right here.”

Nick smirked and jogged off to the locker room, leaving Charlie glad for a moment of cold air in the tunnel to try to bring down his temperature a little. Every time he thought he had recovered from his still-adolescent, almost out-of-control feelings for Nick, that man had to go and do something like speak French. What a beautiful bastard.

The match itself actually went quite well. The Badgers came out hot, and led after three minutes, a Parma player earning a sin bin trip after tripping Harry. Danny kicked the penalty and the team celebrated the early score. However, the Zebre managed to run down the rest of the clock on the 10-minute penalty, playing impressively well for only being 14 men. Once at full strength again, they managed to level the scored with a drop-kick goal, tying the match at 3-3.

Nick scored the first try 24 minutes in, with a tremendous move, claiming a drop-kick to kick off the phase. It included nearly every Badgers player with a carry, showing their circulation and now seemingly-effortless flow on offense. James was able to shove the ball off to Nick in the left corner, Nick diving for the try. He popped up after scoring, celebrating with his teammates and grinning as he was congratulated. Charlie watched proudly, wishing he could pull Nick in for a quick kiss as a congratulations, a brief press of warmth against the cold day. The first half was low-scoring but the Badgers controlled the ball and the flow of the game, and the team was in good spirits over the half.

The second half started a bit rough, however. A lapse on defense allowed the Zebre to charge up the field and weasel out of a ruck to skirt around the knot of players to score, the crowd going wild for their home team. It was a bit disorganized for a few minutes of play, the Badgers back on their heels a little as they battled the other team’s momentum. The Zebre were able to capture a line out steal, but the Badgers finally forced a turnover to help them get up the field, Wilco with a beautiful kick-pass to give James a chance to score. The rest of the match was tight but the Badgers were able to refocus, eking out a 26-23 victory.

After the match, players were getting showered and changed, conversations swirling and mixing, everyone feeling good after the win and excited for the night that would follow. Nick was returning from the showers as Charlie did some routine checks and stretches on some players. His towel was tucked into itself, dangerously low on his hips. It took a tremendous amount of effort for Charlie to force himself to not look at him for more than a glance, eyes craving the glimpse of carved muscle and auburn hair that peeked out, taunting him. Probably in French. Later, he told himself. But good god, between this image and the way Charlie felt after hearing him speak earlier, Nick had no idea what he was in for the next time Charlie had some time alone with him.

Nick dropped the towel and got dressed next to Seamus, who had already changed and was scrolling through his phone. Nick put on his joggers and t-shirt, then put on the bracelet from Charlie, snapping the magnetic clasp. Seamus looked up just as Nick had put on the bracelet, reaching for his jumper next.

“Oi, what’s that?” asked Seamus, pointing to the bracelet. “Christmas present?”

“Yeah,” said Nick, pulling on his jumper.

“Who’s it from?”

“A fan,” said Nick promptly. Charlie kept his face neutral but was going to give Nick shit for that later for sure.

“Yeah?” Seamus grinned. “And who would this fan be?”

“Just a fan. You know we get a shit-ton of stuff sent to the team office. Olivia and Hank go through it all and pass along anything that’s not too weird that we might actually be interested in. Someone got this for me and I actually really liked it.”

“Sure,” said Seamus. “Nice you have such a good…fan.”

Nick rolled his eyes and turned to put on his jumper. Seamus rotated his head to find Charlie’s eye. “Girlfriend,” Seamus mouthed at Charlie, jerking his head towards Nick. “Fucking knew it, mate.” Charlie gave Seamus a smirk and a half-nod of his head. He truly thought Seamus was a good guy, and one who he hoped would be accepting of him and Nick when everything finally came out. He was just one of those straights who genuinely forgot the possibility that not everyone was, too. It didn’t come from a place of malice, just genuine cluelessness.

The team only had a few hours before the New Year’s Eve party began, and Charlie and Nick took quick advantage of the down time, meeting in Nick’s room. They wouldn’t have time or energy to do the things that Charlie wanted, knowing that Nick would need his post-game nap after the fixture to rest up before the night. And he’d have all night with Nick following the party. Nick pulled Charlie to the bed and wrapped himself around Charlie like a giant human blanket, plastering himself along Charle’s back. His arms spanned Charlie’s chest from behind and he threw his right leg over Charlie’s hip, curling his foot around Charlie’s calf. He buried his face in Charlie’s curls and huffed in a few deep breaths.

“What’re you doing, rugby lad?” asked Charlie.

“Recharging,” said Nick, and it melted Charlie’s heart even more than the first time Nick had said that, somehow. Nick was such a puppy, so eager and loving and open. And it seemed like moments like these really did recharge Nick, filling his stores of comfort and closeness that he craved. They stayed like that for a few minutes before both of them succumbed to sleep, the long week of events and the game drawing them in. It meant that there wasn’t anything other than a few brief kisses, but that was okay, knowing they had later, too. Charlie loved these domestic, quiet moments with Nick, the ones that he hoped would stretch into their future.

Charlie slipped away an hour before the party to get ready in his room, lingering for a few long kisses and maybe one quick dick-brush to leave Nick thinking of him for the evening. It was a black-tie affair, with wealthy benefactors paying even more money to have the honor of drinking with the team. It was amazing how everything could be monetized - and how people would pay it. Charlie had to remind himself that to many people, these men were utter celebrities, personalities they wanted to interact with and post pictures of. They didn’t always think of the players as people; as humans. They were just blue verified Twitter accounts and Instagram pages with a huge number of followers. They were conquests, both for men and for women - they were achievements to brag about, whether it was meeting them or sleeping with them or knowing ‘exclusive’ things about them. It was both impressive and depressing how quickly humanity was forgotten about in the quest for clout.

Charlie dressed in his tuxedo, feeling a little ridiculous as he put it on, until he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He had always struggled with his body image, and it took him a long time to get comfortable being naked, even with Nick. Hell, he still grappled with it sometimes, when his brain was having its worst days. But it had also gotten so much better - and he could sometimes see tiny glimpses of what Nick said he saw. Now, he looked in the mirror and saw himself in the slim-cut dark trousers and jacket making him look tall, lithe, and lean. He buttoned up his white shirt and neatly tied the bow tie, appreciating how the white set off his olive skin. He looked…good .

He looked good.

Geoff would have told him to repeat that to him, several times. Even the thought passing through his brain was a big deal. Charlie was finally getting to the place where he felt and realized his own worth. Most of it was internal, of course, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate that he could werk. He closed his eyes for a minute to appreciate the moment and this breakthrough, and kept them closed when he realized that he was going to see Nick in a tuxedo. Oh god, this day was not going to get any easier in the arena of controlling himself around a certain auburn mountain of a man.

Charlie finished getting ready and walked to Amy’s room, the door of which she had propped open on the security latch in preparation of his arrival. He had promised her that he’d go as her date, an honor he took semi-seriously. She’d been such a good friend for these years he’d been on the team and especially lately with everything with Nick, even though they’d never spoken it aloud in so many words.

“Ames?” he called, knocking.

“Come in,” she called. “Just putting on my earrings.”

Charlie walked in and sat down on the bed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. When she finally did, he felt like the cartoon characters whose eyes goggled out of their heads with the “Aoo-ga” sound. Amy typically stuck to sportier attire, so it was just a change in general to see her in something different. But… wow.

She was wearing a halter-neck emerald green dress that went to the ground, with a modest slit in one leg and a deep V diving down the front of the dress. She had complained about not being as chesty as she sometimes wanted to Charlie but he thought her tits looked fantastic, a perfect hint of just-appropriate cleavage. Her red hair was down and straightened, her blue-green eyes looking even brighter against her dress. She was clearly wearing heels, a few inches taller than normal, and looked like some Irish-Canadian goddess of dance and physical fitness intensity.

“Does this all look okay?” asked Amy, twisting her head to look in the mirror.

“Ames,” said Charlie. “I am gay as fuck, and I can tell you that you are possibly the second-most sexually attractive woman on the planet right now. After Rihanna.”

Amy blushed a little. “Oh, shut it you.” She was dismissive and rolled her eyes, but Charlie caught a glimpse of her giving herself a little nod in the mirror. She was feeling herself just as much as Charlie was. “You look amazing, babe,” she said to him. “I’m so honored you’re taking me as your date tonight. I can’t wait to throw myself at you when drunk and get utterly rejected.”

Charlie snorted. “Yeah, me neither.” He’d be throwing himself at a different redhead a little later that evening and very much not getting rejected. Charlie extended his arm. “Shall we?” They headed off down the hallway, laughing and chatting. The banquet hall that the team had rented was massive and beautifully decorated, everything sparkling and glittering. Amy and Charlie joined everyone who was already there for the cocktail hour, enjoying their conversations with the team members and staff. It was always nice to have these full-team parties without partners or families there, with common conversational ground for everyone. Charlie clocked the surprised reaction from many of the boys on the team, seeing Amy in a different light just like many of them had at Harry’s party. He caught a few valiant attempts to look directly at her face instead of anywhere below her neck, and grinned to himself. These poor straight boys in the same position as him with Nick, wanting to spend hours observing that man like he was going to paint him as a nude model.

Charlie almost felt it somehow when Nick came in a few minutes later, detecting his clueless sensuality on the wind. He looked up at Nick crossed over and joined their high-top table, where Danny, Seamus, Wilco, Amy, and Lunker were already gathered together with him, talking and drinking. He looked…wow. Charlie had already seen Nick in a suit, and assumed that a tuxedo couldn’t be that different. He was very, very wrong. Nick looked like an unproblematic version of James Bond, a vision in the way his shoulders filled out his coat, his chest broad and pressing against the buttons of his shirt. Again, his stupid beautiful thighs pressed against his trousers, set against the neat tuck of his shirt and well-tailored jacket highlighting his still-thick waist. This was going to be a long party.

The group laughed and chatted as others joined and left for an hour or so, talking about the match, their New Year’s Day plans, and their excitement for the upcoming bye week after their next two matches. They’d have a full week off before they needed to start training again…Charlie and Nick had talked about how eager they were for it, for several days’ uninterrupted time together. Nick and Danny had been named to an exhibition “all-stars” game in France meant to drum up local enthusiasm for a new team expansion during the first few days of the break, which was a huge honor. Nick was a little annoyed by it; while he was humbled to be named the fly-half for one of the teams, he told Charlie that he wished they’d just have the time together. Charlie, while touched that he was one of Nick’s first thoughts, gently scolded him, underscoring just how significant this was that he had been named, from the hundreds of players in the English and European leagues. He also had assured Nick that they’d make up for lost time on the second half of the week, murmuring it in Nick’s ear with a trailing finger on Nick’s groin that made him produce a sound that Charlie still thought about a few days later.

The party continued as the night went on, players occasionally pulled over by Imogen to chat with the wealthy party attendees to make them feel privileged and special. She even pulled Charlie over for a couple of those conversations, primarily some doctors who had attended. Charlie was immersed in actually quite an interesting conversation with an orthopedic surgeon for longer than he expected, finally ending the conversation after a half an hour or so. He wanted a chance to catch up with Imogen more, but she was kept running around by various commitments. He made a promise to himself that he’d find time for them in the next week; wanting to hear more about her holidays and her new relationship.

He left to find some of his team friends, stopping periodically at different knots of people. Everyone was largely having a good time, the alcohol flowing heavily and the clock ticking towards midnight. Their flight was at ten the next morning, which Charlie suspected was another means of trying to control the drinking, though he expected that that would just backfire with a horrific flight (and bus ride to catch the plane) the next day. He was again pacing himself, eager for the time after the party, a few hours of sleep a worthy and noble sacrifice on his quest for sexy time with Nick. Others were not in the same mindset, though everyone was trying to stay largely on their best behavior with team leadership there.

An hour later, Charlie realized that he hadn’t seen Amy in a bit and went to find her. As he crossed the room in a wide arc to look for her, he caught a glimpse of Danny and James in another group, Danny repeatedly turning to James to engage him in conversation, with James just giving non-committal head nods and brief answers. Charlie could clock the look on Danny’s face, which looked like something between frustration and hurt, though it didn’t keep him from trying over and over, between his louder, brighter exclamations to the group. Finally spotting his date with the longer red hair at the bar, her back to him, Charlie made his way over.

Charlie dropped his elbows onto the bar next to Amy, waiting for her to turn with her normal grin. She was staring at her phone, held in her hands.

“Amy?”

Amy didn’t respond, but just showed Charlie her phone. He read a text from her ex, Caden, the one who had cheated on her after giving her a key to his place literally week earlier. The text professed how much he missed her and how sorry he was, and with the way it was riddled with spacing and spelling errors, it looked like this was clearly a drunk message. It had been six months since everything had happened, and Charlie knew this was probably a punch in the gut for her. Amy had previously said that while she didn’t want Caden to not exist, she did want him to exist in a separate pocket dimension where she’d never have to know that he existed anymore. She had also said she hoped it was a pocket dimension where everything was just a little annoying, like where all the to-go coffee cup lids leaked a little bit with every sip.

“Oh, Ames. That really sucks to get. Especially tonight, when you just want to have fun and celebrate with everyone.”

She nodded, taking another drink. “It does, yeah. Just like…fuck. You have something like that happen and you just want to move on. And you do, but then there are these reminders. And fuck, then you’re like right back in it, thinking about what happened and all the time you wasted.”

Charlie knew that feeling to a degree, thinking back of Ben. Every time he saw his face in the team office (which was thankfully limited), he stomach clenched and he was catapulted back to how Ben treated him, what Ben did, his threatening tone when Charlie and Nick ran into him again in the hallways a few weeks ago. “I know. You just want to live your life, being awesome like you are, and then someone decides that they’re allowed to fuck it up.”

She nodded. “Yeah. And like, it doesn’t help that I’m ready to date, but the person I like is-“ She cut herself off, eyes darting at Charlie. “It doesn’t help being single. And I hate that he’s just like, allowed to do that. I’ll block him on everything, but man…I wish this didn’t affect me. I’m over it; why can’t I just laugh it off and let it roll off?”

Charlie definitely clocked what Amy had said when she started talking, but he was of course not going to push it, not right now. “Don’t beat yourself up for that at all, Amy. You’ve done all this work on your end. It’s sucks that people can decide that they want to be little pricks, especially when you’ve done nothing to deserve it. And I get the being single thing, too - that’s hard. This is all hard. I’m sorry, Amy. What can I do?”

“Can you take my phone, for a little?” Amy slid it towards him. “I’d rather not be tempted to text anything back or risk getting anything else from him.”

“Always, Ames,” said Charlie, putting her phone in his pocket. “Listen, I’m going to run to the loo for a second, then I’m going to come back and we’re going to do whatever you want. Dance, eat a little bit more, build an effigy and stab it with the tiny toothpicks they have, anything like that.” Anything but drink, Charlie mused to himself, based on her already slightly glazed eyes.

But when Charlie got back from the toilet, he found himself caught in a few conversations, taking at least twenty minutes to work his way back to the bar. By the time he returned to where Amy had been sitting, Danny had joined her at the bar, the two of them engaged in some sort of positive-but-actually-super-negative feedback loop of drinking. Amy could hold her own with booze, but this was clearly too much for her smaller frame, and he knew she was too stubborn to stop before anyone else did, one of her qualities that was good most of the time, clearly not good in this situation. He found a few of the team lads and quietly asked them to assist with Danny and telling them he’d take care of Amy. Lunker and Wilco went over and cheerfully told Danny he was coming with him, setting themselves up at a table and pushing waters and food at him. They seemed like they were doing a good job, Danny back to his happier self just a few minutes later when Charlie glanced back over.

Charlie went back to the bar to try to do the same with Amy, realizing instead that it was time to call it for her. He decided to take her back to her room, and when she stood, nearly her whole weight was on Charlie. Nick and Stig, nearby talking to James and Lucas, came over to assist.

“Need a hand, Springtime?” asked Stig.

“No, I have her,” said Charlie, taking a step and realizing that her weight might be a little too much for his frame. “Oop. Maybe not.”

“I’m dense,” Amy announced firmly, though a little slurred. “It’s because I’m muscular.”

“Of course you are,” said Nick. “I‘ve got it, Stig, I can help.” Stig nodded and together, Charlie and Nick walked with Amy towards the elevator, just a few minutes before midnight. She was in the worst shape Charlie had seen, and he knew tomorrow would be brutal for her. The three of them worked their way back to her room, Nick taking most of her weight and Charlie helping as he could. At her door, Charlie pulled her room key from her purse and opened the door, helping her in. She stumbled to the bed, face planting onto the duvet.

Charlie and Nick retreated back towards the door.

“I…I should really stay with her tonight,” said Charlie reluctantly. “I’ve never seen her this bad. I feel like she is not going to do well a few hours from now.”

“Yeah, what’s going on? How’d she get so pissed?” Nick looked back in the room with some concern.

“Caden texted her with some bullshit drunk message about how it was all a mistake, how sorry he was, take him back, that kind of thing. I think it just set her over the edge.” Charlie had already told Nick the backstory a few months ago. “Fuck, Nick, I really wanted to spend tonight with you. But I really should…I really do need to keep an eye on her.”

“Me too,” whispered Nick. “But I get it, and you’re doing the right thing. I wish you were doing another thing tonight. But we have nothing but time, love. In fact, we almost have a whole new year together coming up.” He glanced at the bed, where it seemed like Amy was already asleep. He kissed Charlie softly, as quietly as possible. “We’ll make up for it on our next night free.” This time he leaned in close to Charlie, whispering in his ear seductively. “I promise.”

Charlie gave a little shiver. “I’ll hold you to that.” He felt his phone buzz a few times in his pocket and pulled it out, finding a slew of Happy New Year! messages from friends. The clock on his lock screen read 00:01. “Oh, shit, it’s already after midnight! We missed it.”

“Maybe this worked out,” said Nick. “Now I can kiss who I want at midnight. Well…midnight ish.” He took Charlie’s phone out of his hand and slid it back into Charlie’s pocket, then pulled him in by the waist for another soft, perfect kiss, their lips meeting and drawing back a few times. “Happy Near Year, Charlie.”

“Happy New Year, Nick.” Charlie smiled at Nick. Another year with this man…he hadn’t had another year in memory start with so much promise.

“I’m sorry I blocked your cocks,” came a muffled voice from inside the room, and Charlie froze. Nick looked sharply at the still face down Amy-shaped mass on the bed. Charlie looked at her too, wondering if he could set her on fire with his eyes.

“Does she - did you…” Nick was looking at Charlie with surprised eyes.

“Oh, god, no, I did not tell her, Nick, I promise. She…after trivia a few months ago, she said something that hinted that she knew about us, but wouldn’t ever say anything and that she supported us and, fuck, baby, I should have told you about it, but didn’t want you to worry, and-"

Nick cut him off with a hand on his cheek, looking steadier. “Char…it’s all right.” He took a breath. “I mean, I could have guessed that she’d pick up on it. I have a sense that Wilco might have some sort of clue, too. He’s like…rugby Yoda.”

Charlie chuckled at that, despite the moment. “Yeah…I’ve gotten that feeling as well, honestly.” He looked at Nick. “Still…are you truly okay? I promise, I didn’t say anything to her, and she said she’d never ask me about it again unless I said something. Until now, I guess.” Charlie shot another glare at Amy, who was now definitely asleep.

“I…am,” said Nick. “So I mean…if you want to talk about it - you and I, I mean - with her, I’d be okay with that.”

Charlie smiled. “Yeah. Same. If you…want to talk to her about it, too, or Wilco, I’m okay with that, too.”

Nick kissed him on the bridge of the nose. “Thanks, Char. I’m not sure if I want to quite yet, but it’s nice knowing that I can. We can. At least with some people.”

Charlie gave Nick one more kiss. “Happy New Year’s, baby. I’m going to go immolate her, and then I’ll see you in the morning when I’m removed by the police for premeditated murder.”

Nick laughed but tried to stifle it. “I’ll bail you out, love.” He gave Charlie a truly last, dizzying kiss, and left with a lingering hand on Charlie’s, headed back to the party. Charlie watched him leave and then grabbed the rubbish bin, pulling it towards Amy and bracing himself for what promised to be a long night.

-

Charlie was right - it was a long night. Amy slept until 4, then was up several times in true Uni freshers-week form, her body very annoyed with her and expressing it…aggressively. Charlie got a few hours of sleep in on and off, and finally got up to pack his stuff before their flight, cursing both the flight time and the ginger crone. He stopped back at her room to help her with her bags, Amy shuffling out in sweats and sunglasses, looking nearly bloodless.

“Morning, sunshine,” said Charlie loudly and Amy winced.

“Okay, I know. I know. I’m so sorry you had to take care of me, Charlie. I was…a mess last night. I appreciate you so much. And I’m really sorry for being a disaster.”

“Are you also sorry for apologizing to me and Nick for cockblocking us? In front of Nick?”

Amy paled even more somehow, which seemed impossible. She pulled off her sunglasses, and Charlie could see her horrified expression.

“Oh my god, Charlie. When the fuck did I say that?!” Charlie told her, and her eyes filled with tears. “Oh Jesus, Charlie, I am so, so sorry. I literally…I cannot apologize enough to you. That is a terrible thing to do.”

Charlie softened a little. “It’s…all right, Ames. I know you were absolutely pissed. And we…it was actually okay. We talked about it, and Nick said he was okay with you knowing, and that you and I could talk about it openly. With just each other, I mean, at least.”

“But still…” Amy was looking at him, devastated. “I let you down, Charlie. In a huge way.”

“I know you didn’t mean to, Ames. And it all was okay. I promise. But between that and preventing me from getting laid last night, you one hundred percent owe me a life debt. Or your first dog, or something.”

“I do,” said Amy, still looking a little miserable. “I owe you…I don’t know, a car? A consensual nude picture from Chris Evans? I’ll work on both of those.”

Charlie gave her a hug. He still loved this tiny idiot. “I accept. The apology, the car, and the picture.”

They walked to the bus, Amy wincing in the sunlight. They dropped into their normal seats near the front of the bus and Amy pressed a jacket over her head to block out as much light and sound as possible. Danny came up the stairs, looking a little worse for wear himself, but still better than her. Not that that was any real feat.

“Aaa-my!” called Danny in a sing-song voice. “How you feeling, darlin’?”

Amy spoke from under the jacket. “Keep your voice down or I’ll take your skin and turn you into a 101 Dan-mations style coat.”

Danny laughed. “It’s a little early for homicidal ideation, isn’t it?” He gave Charlie a pat on the shoulder and found his seat. The bus and plane were blessedly silent, everyone wrapped in their own various shades of misery from the night before, Coach Croft included. Everyone was desperately glad to be off the plane and back in Leeds when they finally arrived home, players stumbling off to their homes and flats.

-

Frustratingly, Charlie and Nick didn’t have time to really connect that week, Nick spending New Year’s Day with his mum and with an intensive training schedule before their fast-approaching League game just a few days later.

The fixture against the Saracens felt a little odd after so many Champion’s Cup matches in the previous weeks. This was back to what they knew, and the pressure was off a little, though everyone was hungry for a win. The first half of the match was thrilling in terms of play, but unremarkable in any injuries or penalties beyond what was normal. Charlie could occasionally hear snippets of the crowd, and at one point heard a group discussing the “quads on that number 10”, referring to Nick. Charlie grinned to himself - they had no idea just how muscular those legs were. The Badgers went into the half up 23-17, with spirits high. Their halftime break was focused and intense, Coaches Singh and Croft splitting the offense and defense to outline some of the weaknesses that they could exploit on the Saracens.

The second half kicked off, with the Saracens receiving the ball to start. They worked their way up the field, their fly-half colliding with Lunker in a hit-and-spin, dodging up the right side of the field and passing to one of their wingers. Nick was able to tangle the winger and the ruck pushed its way across the field, the Saracens eventually cited for infringement and the ball going to the Badgers. The second half continued in largely the same manner, the game more deadlocked than it had been in the first, both teams seeming to anticipate the others’ next moves. With 20 minutes left, the Badgers finally had a good break, James powering up the field. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the prop charging in at an angle as he looked in the other direction for a pass. The prop caught him in a hard, clean hit, and drove James into the ground, his shoulder impacting first. Charlie and Amy exchanged a glance; they knew James had suffered injuries on that shoulder before.

The referee blew the whistle, breaking up the small dust-up that had started, Danny pushing the prop and Seamus pulling him away by the arm before anything else happened. James stayed down for a moment and the medics came out, eventually walking James off the field to the applause of the crowd as he rolled his shoulder and winced. Charlie immediately took him into the tunnel and to the PT office to check him out away from any cameras or spectators.

As they walked in, James slapped the doorframe with his good arm. “Fuck!” he yelled. “I should have fucking kept my head up. God-fucking-damnit.”

“Hey, come on,” said Charlie. “Give yourself a break, yeah? That guy came out of nowhere. Get on the table, let’s check it out.”

James pushed himself onto the table, wincing a little as he pressed his hands in to get up. He took off his shirt gingerly to allow Charlie better access and visual of his shoulder, moving slowly. “I think it’s okay, Springtime. Just bruised.”

“Let me see,” said Charlie. He felt all over, first feeling for any obvious breaks or tears before feeling around for James’s range of motion and looking for signs of trauma. Very luckily, it seemed like James had escaped any major injury, though he’d likely be limited for training for at least a week, pending an X-ray and any other tests that Charlie and Dr. Darby would order. After a few long minutes, James looked at him anxiously, waiting for Charlie to say that he was okay.

“I think you’re right, James - I think it was just a hard landing with a lot of impact. It’s going to be really tender for a few days at least, and I’m going to talk to Dr. Darby about an MRI to double check everything.”

“Good.” said James, though he sounded a little flat and frustrated. “I’m out for the match, yeah?”

“Definitely,” said Charlie firmly.

“Thought so,” said James. He sat in silence for a moment, looking at his hands.

This was a rare moment that Charlie was solo with James, away from any of the other players. He thought about what Wilco had said, that James needed someone to talk to, or at least know that he could talk to. He knew that if James was struggling with his sexuality, he’d be terrified to tell anyone. Especially if he thought it might start a domino effect of gossip.

“James,” said Charlie, slowly. “You know…my role, being a physio - it’s the same in a lot of ways as Lucy. Anything we talk about in here is private. You…it seems like there’s been something up the last few weeks.”

James didn’t reply. Charlie could see his right foot, hanging off the table and bouncing rapidly. Charlie turned away and went back towards the PT cabinet to get a cold pack and bandage, wrapping it around James’s shoulder tightly. He did this turned slightly away from James’s face, to see if maybe taking away the pressure of eye contact might make things easier for him.

“I promise, if you want to talk, anything you say would stay between us. It wouldn't get back to any of the coaches, not the captains, not Amy.” Charlie paused and took a breath, and yet another chance. “And I think…I think what you’re going through is something I’ve gone through before.” At this, James lifted his head and looked at Charlie intensely. Charlie returned his gaze with as much understanding and empathy as he could. “And I know how hard talking about anything like…that would be on a professional team.”

James looked down again. He started to speak a few times, but didn’t seem to be able to get anything out. Charlie held his breath and stayed as still as possible, waiting. James’s eyes were squeezed closed, and in the absolute stillness of the room, Charlie could hear a few tears finally drop down to his rugby shorts.

“I…love him,” James choked out, and Charlie’s heart ached with how constricted and tiny James’s voice was. “But I can’t…we…” He put his hands over his face, jamming the heels of his palms against his eyes. “We…in Uni. A few times, we…but we never talked about it. He tried…and I wouldn’t. Then he was called up, and he…he left. And he came here, and I was still there…And it almost broke me, Charlie. He called, and after a while…I told him not to anymore. That it was too hard. And I was…I almost recovered. Then I was drafted…the same fucking league. And I’d see him at games and it was so fucking good to see him and so fucking bad. Then I was traded to the Badgers and…” He broke off for another minute, crying silently, a little harder now.

Charlie was trying to piece together what he could from James’s broken sentences. He knew Danny and James had gone to Uni together, and clearly had been incredibly close, best mates by all accounts and were placed together as roommates when they were freshers. He hadn’t realized that anything had happened there, though clearly something had. He imagined if he and Nick had kissed and then just never spoken about it, how sickeningly hard that would have been, to see and live with him every day, both of them swallowing how they felt. And then Danny had disappeared from James’s life, drafted into the Premiership Rugby league. That would have been a dream come true for either of them, but it also ripped them continents apart. He couldn’t imagine losing Nick now, Nick going from being in his life every day to just…gone. From always together to thousands of miles away. Charlie had always stopped himself from even thinking about the possibility of Nick getting traded. Charlie knew that Nick was hugely respected and valued as a teammate and leader, but the owners ultimately didn’t care about that. This was a numbers and dollars game, and at the very top levels of club leadership, players were seen as a brand, not as people. Nick was a commodity, and commodities could be traded.

And Danny and James had been pulled apart by this sport, this game that they both loved so much. James had stayed in Australia, still in Uni, and Danny had gone to England. It broke Charlie’s heart to think of them not talking, James deciding it was too hard. He wondered what Danny was going through, what his reaction had been when he found our that James was coming to the Badgers. And then, to end up on the same team after all that - no wonder James was struggling. To be honest, Charlie was shocked at how well James (and Danny for that matter) had held it together all season.

James tried to talk again. “It’s been…god, getting to see him every day. And sometimes it’s like back to Uni, getting to be with my best mate all the time again. But also, having to see him every day and feel…feel like this…it…” he broke off again, closing his eyes and raising his chin to the ceiling as a few more silent tears dropped down.

There was a clatter of sound as the team was clearly coming back in after the match. In all of the intensity, Charlie and James hadn’t even looked at the TV broadcast on in the corner of the PT room to notice the end of the fixture. Charlie heard footsteps pounding towards the door, and it was thrown open before he could even move.

“James,” said Danny, his eyes looking a little panicked. “Is he right? He hurt his shoulder in Uni a few time and that looked-“ Danny cut himself off, spotting James’s tear-streaked face, his own flooding with concern and worry. Danny started towards James. “Fuck, Walkie, what-" James looked stricken, his eyes huge.

Charlie stepped towards the door, between Danny and James. “Danny,” said Charlie, loudly and firmly. His stomach was twisted up; this was too much at once. “Get out. This is a private session, and-"

“Fuck that,” said Danny, looking unlike Charlie had ever seen him before, all humor absent in his face. He took another lunge towards James, trying to get around Charlie. “Walkie…James… James!” Charlie heard desperation in Danny's voice as he tried to push past Charlie to get to James.

Charlie threw up his hands, pressing them against Danny’s chest and pushing back, hard. “Danny. Get the fuck out, seriously.” He legitimately did not know what to do if Danny didn’t back down or shouldered past him; he was nearly twice Charlie’s size. Charlie dropped his voice a little. “He’s okay. He’s not injured. But you need to get out of here.”

Danny stared at James past Charlie’s shoulder for another second, every muscle still tense, and eyes wild, and then finally deflated. He looked at Charlie, his green eyes filled with worry, sweaty blonde hair everywhere. “He’s okay, Springtime?”

“Yeah, he’s okay. Go, Danny.”

Danny gave one last look at James, his eyes looking pained. He turned and left, and Charlie let out his breath for the first time in what felt like minutes. “Fuck, James, I’m so sorry that happened. For you to tell me about that, and then the person you’re talking about coming in…”

“It’s…fine, Charlie,” said James. He was no longer teary, now looking almost entirely emotionless, staring at the ground again.

“It’s not,” said Charlie, crossing back over the room to sit in a chair across from James, still on the table. “But James…I’m really glad you told me. Thank you for telling me that.”

James looked up, panic again crossing his face. “You won’t - you won’t tell, right?”

“Never,” said Charlie. “That is entirely yours.” He paused. “But James…have you guys talked? Ever? About any of it?”

“No,” said James, in almost a whisper. “Danny’s tried to…but I - I can’t.”

Charlie looked back up at James, looking utterly lost. “James…when I said…that I thought I’d gone through the same thing as you…I was right. I’m - I’m the same as you.” James looked up sharply. “And I’ll tell you - none of what you’re going through is easy. But it’s so much easier when you have someone to talk to about it. And that might not be Danny, not right now, and that’s okay. But it could be Lucy, or another therapist, or a friend, or someone in your family you trust, like Harriet. It helps to have someone to talk to. It’s not easy, but it gets easier.”

“Do you have someone?” asked James. “To talk to?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I do. Fortunately I have my family and my group of friends, my non-work ones. They all know, even though no one here does, besides Amy. And a few of my friends in the home office staff.”

“Are you…do you also - have someone?” asked James, looking at Charlie.

Charlie paused just long enough to consider how to answer that he unintentionally gave James an answer.

“You do,” said James simply. “Is - is he in the League?”

Charlie shook his head minutely and looked away, trying to deny it but also not able to commit fully to lying. He wanted James to know he wasn’t alone, but it was a tricky line to walk.

“Fuck…he is,” breathed James. “God. I’ve always thought I was the only one - or both me and Danny or whatever…”

“Listen,” said Charlie. “I’m never going to betray anyone’s trust, including yours. But you’re not alone, James. And there are so many people who you can talk to. And who would support you.”

James looked down again. After a long moment, he said, “Yeah,” and then fell silent again.   

“I’ll walk with you to the locker room and can tell the boys that you’re all right, whenever you’re ready to go back in. That sound good?”

“Yeah,” said James. He cleared his throat and huffed out a breath. He walked to the sink and splashed his face with cold water a few times, accepting the towel that Charlie held out for him. “Thanks, Springtime. For - all of it.” Charlie squeezed his shoulder once, and when James was ready, led the way back to the locker room. His brain was buzzing with everything that just happened. James and Danny. Nick not being the only player in the league who wasn’t straight - or even the only player on the team. He knew he couldn’t tell Nick, not without either James or Danny being open, or maybe even clear on what they were, individually or together. But still, it made Charlie realize that maybe Nick coming out would have a huge ripple impact, not just on the team, but everyone in the League who was grappling with the same thing.

Charlie walked in with James, assuring the players who welcomed him that James was fine. He was greeted with smiles, everyone glad to see he wasn’t hurt. Unfortunately, the Badgers had just lost, the offense not coordinating together as they would have liked with James in the PT room. Charlie kept an eye on James long enough to see that he was all right and no one had a sense of the emotional turmoil that just happened. Assured, he caught Nick’s eye and used his “physio” voice.

“Hey, Nelson, did you come down on your knee during that last phase I was there for? Need it checked?”

Nick, to his eternal credit, cottoned on immediately. “Yeah, I was going to ask you or Amy. Have a minute to take a look?”

“Yep, come on back.”

Nick and Charlie left the locker room, no one paying attention in the stream of players going to and from the showers, the coach offices, and the cool-down room. Charlie closed the door behind them and pressed his hands against Nick’s face. Nick looked at him, a little puzzled but pleased in Charlie’s attention as always.

“What’s up, Char?” He smiled down at Charlie, dropping a quick kiss to the heel of Charlie’s left hand, close to his mouth.

Charlie wasn’t sure exactly how to untangle the things he was feeling, everything that had been brought up by what James had revealed. His mind went back to Harry’s party, thinking of how his entire body ached, actually physically hurt, knowing that Nick liked him and he liked Nick, but thinking they couldn’t be together. To imagine feeling like that for for seven years, like James and Danny…it was awful to even imagine. He was just so grateful that he and Nick had broken through that wall, the oppressive silence that they could have easily succumb to. He looked back at Nick, not knowing how to express how thankful he was for Nick, how being with him was like cool water on a scorching day, was like a fire and soft flannel blanket in winter.

“I just…I’m so glad, Nick. I’m so glad we’re together. I…” I love you . “Just…thank you.”

Nick chuckled, nuzzling his face against Charlie’s hand. “You’re a dork.”

Charlie snorted. “Says the man who has a framed picture of me on his bedside table.”

Nick smiled. “I’ve heard you’re supposed to wake up to beautiful things, right?”

“Okay, you just completely proved my point.”

Nick dropped his head down to kiss Charlie softly, full of feeling. “You’re still coming over tonight, yeah? I think we have some lost time to make up for…”

“We do,” agreed Charlie firmly. “We definitely do.”

Chapter Text

The ride back to Nick’s was long. Too long. Charlie was nearly bouncing in his seat, so anticipatory to spend the evening with Nick. It had been too long since they had solo time, and Charlie was ready. For everything. 

Nick was holding Charlie’s hand as he drove, his palm warm and a little damp. He was a little less talkative than normal and Charlie wondered if he was also trying to control himself so he lasted more than, oh, eighteen seconds. After a few blocks of silence that was probably comfortable but was making Charlie nervous in his anticipatory state, he broke the stalemate. 

“How are you feeling about the exhibition game? Excited?”

“A little,” said Nick. “I mean - it’s a huge honor, like you said. It’s just too bad it’s happening during our bye week. I wanted to spend the entire week with you.”

He had said that before, but it still made Charlie’s heart tick a little faster. “Me too, baby. But we’ll have all of that second half of the week, too.”

“I know,” said Nick, drawing Charlie’s hand to his mouth to give his knuckles a quick kiss. “I wish you could come. Imagine…you and me…in France. Me speaking…French. Pendant qu'on est ensemble au lit.”

Charlie let out a shuddery breath. Nick might have just said ‘I like the smell of boiled cauliflower’ and it still would have undone Charlie. This was not fair at all. He didn’t want to give into Nick’s smirk and ignored his last sentence, no matter how hard it was. “If we did go on a trip together this summer…you know, if we could - where would you want to go together?”

“Anywhere if it was with you,” said Nick, giving Charlie’s hand another quick squeeze. “Probably somewhere with a beach?” He gave a quick sideways look at Charlie. “Throw you around in the water…” He released Charlie’s hand and slid his own hand up Charlie’s leg. “Throw you around in the sand…” He moved a little higher and in. “Throw you around in a hot tub overlooking the ocean…”

Charlie swallowed and knew Nick could hear it in the quiet music of the car. “Yes. I want to do that. I want to go to there.”

Nick laughed. “To where? The beach?”

“Anywhere with you, like you said.”

Nick hummed a second. “Us, together…I - god, Charlie. I think about that so much. I think about you and me, future stuff…”

Charlie could guess what Nick was thinking. That they’d have to be out, publicly, to go on a trip like that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think about us, and it makes me think about how happy you make me, and…” It was Nick’s turn to swallow, continually glancing between Charlie and the road. “I wanted to say, um…” Nick looked like he was puzzling it over, mulling the right words to say.

Charlie wanted to make it easier for him. “And it makes you think about coming out? And like, showing that to the world?”

Nick opened his mouth like he was going to say something, closed it, opened it again. His face neutralized a little from where his jaw had looked a little tense before. “Yeah,” he said with a little smile. “About us being out together.” 

Charlie didn’t push him, wanting Nick to talk about it on his own terms. The rest of the car ride passed with easier topics of conversation, Charlie filling Nick in on Tao and Elle going “Instagram official” and Nick giving him some of the latest fluffy team gossip. Lunker was looking at engagement rings for his girlfriend Emma, and was getting enthusiastic, well-meaning, and often contradictory advice from the boys on the team when he showed them pictures of what he was thinking for the stone.

They pulled into Nick’s and walked up the stairs together, continually glancing at one another and grinning. Once they reached the final flight of the stairs and went into Nick’s bedroom, Nick pulled him close for one of his should-be-patented Nick Nelson hugs™ that Charlie sank into. He huffed a breath against Nick’s chest, so comfortable in his arms. But tonight was going to be more about comfort, too. It was going to be about continuing to explore with Nick, about bodies and passion and intensity.

Charlie finally drew back.. “I’m going to take a quick shower,” said Charlie, giving Nick a lasting, pulling kiss on his neck that left him looking more than a little dazed. 

“Shower?” said Nick, still not fully with it after Charlie’s attention. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I want to be ready…for anything we decide to do.” He turned slightly to face away from Nick and pulled down his joggers first, intentionally sliding his briefs off with them. Nick’s eyes slid, too, down Charlie’s ribs, his waist, and settling on the bare cheek he could see. Charlie arched his back just incrementally and engaged his glutes to emphasize the curve of his ass, and was rewarded by a tiny sound from Nick that squeaked out of him. He smiled internally to himself. Nick was done. 

“That’s…good,” said Nick. Charlie saw him visibly swallow. He seemed a little nervous, had seemed a little nervous the whole time in the car, too. Charlie wasn’t sure if it was the promise of what would happen tonight (or could happen at least; he’d make sure Nick was comfortable with everything, too), or if it was the conversation about coming out and traveling together - or maybe both? For the first part - what would happen tonight - he felt the nerves a little himself, but a shivery and anticipatory type of nervousness. He was so, so ready for this. Charlie pulled off his shirt and gave Nick one more kiss, this time on the mouth, drawing his right hand from Nick’s face to his neck, tracing down his side and pulling him closer by his lower back. He gently sucked Nick’s lower lip into his mouth for a moment, pulling back slowly, his hand ghosting down Nick’s low belly, stopping just before he grazed his still-clothed dick. Nick twitched and looked at Charlie with intensity, in a way that made Charlie’s groin twist up pleasantly. 

“I’ll be right out,” said Charlie. “Don’t forget about me.”

“Hrrunngh,” agreed Nick, looking fuzzy again. 

Charlie got in the shower, not inviting Nick in, not for this one. He wanted to make sure he was clean, eager to bottom at least this time and wanting to be as prepared as possible. He was a few minutes into the shower and nearly done, when he heard Nick’s voice, a little higher than normal, calling for him from just outside the cracked door.

“Char?”

“Yeah?”

“I have, um - I have lube. But I completely blanked…I don’t have -  I need to get condoms. So…I need to run to the store quickly. I’ll uh, I’ll be right back.” 

Charlie grinned a little to himself. Nick was nervous. But they were clearly on the same page about what they were hoping for tonight. 

“Okay, baby. I’ll be here.” Charlie intentionally lowered his voice a little bit, making it as much of a purr as he could manage. He knew that drove Nick wild. 

“Okay, yeah, yes.” There was a pause. Nick spoke again, his voice closer this time. “Charlie, I…I wasn’t totally honest in the car.” Charlie could see Nick sidling into the en-suite, his back against the doorframe. 

Charlie was confused and stood in the spray for a moment, his head cocked. “Um…what do you mean?”

“When you asked me if the coming out thing was what I was thinking about in the car. That…that wasn’t actually what I was gonna talk to you about.”

Charlie just listened, still not sure where Nick was going. 

“I was actually going to say…” Nick was now fully in the bathroom, his face turned towards Charlie in the shower through the steam. 

“I love you.”

Charlie’s heart stopped. And started. And stopped. And started again. Okay, maybe that was just his heart beating, now that he thought about it. But he could feel it through his whole chest, every cell in his body shrieking in joy. Nick loved him. That auburn monster had beaten him to the punch. But he’d take it. Nick just said he loved him. Him! Charlie Francis Spring!

Nick was talking again, breaking Charlie out of this absolute golden moment. “So, yeah. Anyways…um, bye! I’ll be back in a few.” Nick pushed himself off the wall and hurried out of the bathroom leaving Charlie still in silent, euphoric shock, water cascading down his face. 

It took Charlie a minute to remember his legs and how to control them. Also, how to make words. “Wauglgh - wait!” He was cut off by the water that had collected in his open mouth. “Nick, hang on!” Charlie, in his rush to grab a towel, slipped on the floor and nearly skidded to the sink. He abandoned the towel, annoyingly tangled now, in his quest to intercept that lovable idiot, grabbing the door handle twice, his hand slipping off. “Nick!”

He rushed down the stairs, leaving a trail of soaking footprints and drops of water everywhere. Nick was just about to open the front door to the flat, looking pink in the face. He turned at Charlie’s pounding footsteps, his face working its way through confusion, surprise, and then horrified amusement as Charlie bounced down the staircase in his fully naked, flopping glory. 

“NICK,” said Charlie, finally coming to a halt in front of Nick. 

“Y-yes?” said Nick, turning, the look on his face shifting into one of mild embarrassment, like he knew how ridiculous this moment was. Charlie threw his arms around him, pressing his body against Nick’s. “Oh,” said Nick, and Charlie could hear the tiny smile fighting its way into his voice. “Hi. You are not…wearing any clothes.”

“You said it to me,” said Charlie, drawing back and still a little breathless from his rush down the stairs. “While I was in the shower.” He shook his head at Nick, unable to wipe the grin off his face. 

“Sorr-” Nick started, turning back to pink again.

“And don’t you dare say sorry,” scolded Charlie gently. He looked back into Nick’s eyes and pulled him back in close again. “Say it again?” He leaned his forehead against Nick’s. “Can you say what you said…again?”

Nick didn’t hesitate. “I love you, Charlie.” The words sent a thrill up through Charlie’s entire core. “And you don’t need to say it back, Char, but honestly, I’ve known for a few weeks.” He gave a soft laugh. “Maybe since I met you. I love you, Charlie. It might be too soon, and really, if you don’t feel like that yet, that’s-”

Charlie cut him off, pressing onto his toes and kissing him. “I love you, too, Nick. I love you so much.”

Nick looked how Charlie felt - shell-shocked, amazed, in awe of what his life was. “You do?” he whispered. “You’re not just saying it because I did?”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing for weeks, Nick, just like you. I love you,” said Charlie, running his thumb against Nick’s jaw line. 

Nick sighed into his touch, closing his eyes. He pulled Charlie close and chuckled, tangling his fingers through Charlie’s dripping hair. “You’re still so wet.”

“Yeah, well, you said ‘I love you’ for the first time while I was in the shower!” said Charlie again, giving him a gentle push. 

“Oh my god, why did I do that?” mused Nick, looking a little mortified. “Why are we like this?”

“Well, for you, it’s because you’re a big dork,” said Charlie. “Who looooooves me.” He winked at Nick, who laughed.

“Yeah, I do,” said Nick. “So much.” He kissed Charlie on the bridge of his nose. “I, uh - I still would love to go to the store. If you want to…if we both want to…”

“Yes,” said Charlie firmly. “I want to do this with you, baby.” He leaned in close to Nick’s ear, bolstered by the moment, his bravery at perhaps its highest pinnacle ever. “I want the man I love to fuck me tonight, Nick.”

Nick’s whole body reacted to that, his eyes wide, cheeks flushed, with every cell of his body focused on Charlie. His fingers tightened into Charlie’s skin, dimpling his muscles. When he spoke, his voice was low and husky, in a way that made Charlie audibly inhale. “I want that too. I want to make you feel so good.” He kissed Charlie once, hard, pulling him in and leaving him slightly swaying. After he left, Charlie stood behind the door for a moment, still soaking and naked, with a huge grin on his face. Nick loved him. How embarrassing for him. 

By the time Nick got back, Charlie was dry and minimally dressed. He had gone back and forth on how much to dress, debating about the sexiness of having Nick undress him versus the ridiculousness of putting on clothes for the sole purpose of having someone pull them off from him. He had settled a pair of boxers and one of Nick’s Leeds jumpers, too big for him. He knew that Nick loved it when he wore his clothes, no matter how much Nick fake-protested about the collection that Charlie had amassed. And he was right. He met Nick downstairs, the boxers just visible beneath the hem of the jumper, giving a bit of a “is he or isn’t he” with if Charlie was naked besides the top. He could see Nick’s breath hitch a little, taking him in, and Charlie smiled. He pressed against Nick for a moment, kissing him hello, his hands on Nick’s chest.

“Hi,” said Nick, his smile sliding over his face. “I missed you.”

“It’s been literally 7 minutes,” said Charlie, grinning back at Nick. 

“That’s what happens when you’re in love, Char,” said Nick. “And I’ve been in love for over nine minutes, so I know what I’m talking about.”

“Nine minutes?!” exclaimed Charlie. “What happened to, ‘Oh, I loved you since I met you, you gorgeous man-creature, for whom I pined?’”

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” said Nick. “Everyone know it only counts from the minute someone said it first.” He kissed Charlie’s forehead. “And that someone was me.”

“In the shower,” Charlie reminded him. Nick had the good grace to flush. “But that’s okay. I love you, even if you only reveal deep emotional things to me while I’m behind steamed up glass.”

“Speaking of getting steamed up,” Nick said. He pressed Charlie against the wall, cupping one of his hands on the back of Charlie’s head like he’d done a few times before. The combination of the forceful push with the gentle care was one that always undid Charlie. He kissed at Charlie’s neck, yanking down on the hood of the jumper, eager to get closer. Charlie moaned in response, leaning his head to the side to expose more of his neck, this being one of Nick’s favorite spots to focus on. Fortunately, it was Charlie’s too, the feelings shooting through his body down to his toes. 

Charlie wrapped his arms under and around Nick’s, gripping onto his shoulders. He shouldn’t have been surprised but still was when Nick grabbed under Charlie’s thighs and carried him up the stairs, pausing periodically when his drunkenly swaying steps aimed them a little too close to the wall. 

In Nick’s room, Nick lay Charlie on the bed and hovered on top of him, his knees and hands boxing Charlie in. 

“I want you to feel so good, Charlie,” said Nick in a low voice, nosing down Charlie’s face to his neck, burying himself in the bunched up fabric. “I want to fuck you, and I want to fill you up.”

Charlie’s breath caught in his throat, unable to control it. The perfect dirtiness of Nick’s words, the look in his eye, the touch of his hand. This was everything he wanted. This time, this man, this moment. His breath remained unsteady as Nick explored his body, pushing up on the jumper and snaking kisses and the trail of his tongue up Charlie’s torso, Charlie eventually tearing it off as his temperature rose. Nick stripped off his own shirt and joggers, and pressed his hips against Charlie’s as he continued to kiss, suck, and caress Charlie’s body. Charlie arched his hips against Nick, his back actually leaving the bed in his quest to get closer, to be touching Nick as much as possible. Nick pressed his hand against Charlie’s curved back, pulling him hard against his hips and making Charlie squeak, just a little. 

“Can I take these off?” asked Nick, in a voice that shot down to Charlie’s soul. 

Charlie nodded, wordlessly. Nick pulled off Charlie’s boxers and his own, then shifted until he was back in line with Charlie, face to face. He kissed Charlie hard, tracing his fingers up and down Charlie’s ribs, making him shiver a little. 

“I want to try something…” said Nick, his face buried in Charlie’s neck. 

“Yeah?” said Charlie, hips in futile search of something, god, anything.

“Can I eat you out before I finger you?”

Charlie froze, looking at Nick in wonder. “Yes?”

“That doesn’t sound too sure, love.”

“No, fuck, I mean - I would love for you to. But do you want to do that?”

“It’s you, Charlie,” said Nick. “I want to do everything to you.”

“Then oh my god, yes,” said Charlie, the last word higher than normal when Nick tweaked his nipple. 

Nick pulled a pillow under Charlie’s hips and pressed his knees apart with a kiss to each one, placing Charlie’s feet close to his bum. He moved in closer and - oh god. Charlie was seeing stars. He had never - never - experienced this before, and the sensation was warm, and gentle, and intense, and so fucking intimate all at once. When Nick reached up with his hand and stroked Charlie as he worked, Charlie twitched and swore.

“Fuck, Nick, if you keep doing that I’m going to finish before we even started.”

Nick chuckled, the vibrations going up Charlie’s spine, and drew back a little. “We have all night, love.” Despite that, he drew back and found the lube from the bedside table. He settled on his knees and spread the lube on his fingers, drawing it around so slowly that Charlie thought he was going to go mad. Finally, he drew his index fingers down from Charlie’s balls past his perineum and circled around his hole, already relaxed from the attention paid. He gripped one of Charlie’s thighs and pressed his finger in, making Charlie twitch like it was the first time. Charlie quickly gave him the go-ahead to move, and Nick moved, twisting slightly and moving just so that he was able to catch Charlie’s prostate. He only worked Charlie a minute before drawing back and adding another finger, with a confirmatory head nod from Charlie. Charlie closed his eyes and felt his abdomen tighten as Nick scissored his fingers, massaging and twirling and pressing. 

“Another,” Charlie breathed, eyes still closed. 

Nick kissed the inside of his thigh and pulled his hand back once more, this time adding a third finger. Charlie felt alive, felt his belly prickle in excited anticipation for what he knew was coming next. Nick didn’t have as much dexterity to maneuver with three fingers, but just the motion and the sense of fullness alone was heady and powerful. By now, Nick was on his belly, using his right hand on Charlie and propping himself up on his left forearm, rubbing himself against the bed for friction. Seeing that, seeing Nick so turned on from just his attention on Charlie made something short-circuit in his brain. Charlie reached down and squeezed Nick’s forearm, making him look up.

“Please, Nick,” he said, and he both hated and loved the tiny whine in his voice. “Please fuck me now.”

Nick looked at him with staggering intensity. His brown eyes looked nearly black, the pupils huge with lust. He drew his hand back, slowly, and kissed up Charlie’s thigh. He pulled back with a breath and sat back on his heels, stroking himself slowly and looking at Charlie. 

“You are so fucking sexy, do you know that?”

Charlie blushed. “No, you’re the sexy one, you mountain of a man.”

“Char,” said Nick, dropping to his hands and knees again, kissing up Charlie’s stomach, kissing his base. “You are perfect.”

The sincerity in Nick’s voice was enough to nudge out any of the anxious thoughts that still tried to nest in his brain when they were together. Nick said he was perfect. And while Charlie knew objectively that he wasn’t - he was perfect for Nick. And that was enough for Charlie. 

“Okay, I’m perfect,” laughed Charlie. “Now come fuck your perfect boyfriend.”

Nick growled and sat back up, pulling out a condom and unwrapping it. He rolled it down his length, staring at Charlie, his eyes roaming his body as he did. He spread lube down the condom with his hand, rubbing the extra onto Charlie’s entrance. 

“Do you want me - do you want me to change positions?” asked Charlie. 

“No,” murmured Nick, pressing Charlie’s legs straight in the air. “I want to see your face.”

“You’re a sap,” said Charlie fondly.

Nick smiled and kissed the back of Charlie’s left thigh. “Guilty as charged.” He lined himself up and swallowed, looking down at the tip of himself, nudging against Charlie. “Please tell me - tell me if it feels good. Or bad.”

Charlie reached one hand up to briefly grasp Nick’s pinkie. “I promise”.

Nick gave him another long, loving look and then took himself in his hand to push inside Charlie, who gasped. “No, no, it’s okay,” reassured Charlie. “It’s just… wow. This is so different than your fingers inside me.” That made Nick groan and Charlie felt him squeeze the back of his thigh. “Keep going,” said Charlie. Nick pressed in a little further and Charlie breathed, slowly and deeply. 

“You’re so fucking perfect,” said Nick again, looking down at himself pressing into his boyfriend. “You’re so tight. You’re fucking perfection.”

Charlie closed his eyes and breathed again, deeply. “More,” he said finally, and Nick slid in further. Charlie gasped and opened his eyes to see Nick looking worried. “No, no, good sound,” said Charlie. “You…inside me. This is - it’s SO good. Fuck, Nick. More.”

A low rumbling sound came out of Nick as he pushed the last bit in, bottoming out. As Nick’s hips pressed against Charlie’s, they both gasped and Charlie reached for Nick’s fingers, squeezing them, looking in Nick’s eyes. 

“Char,” breathed Nick.

“Move,” said Charlie. “Please.”

Nick drew back, just incrementally, and then pressed back in and Charlie made a sound that he didn’t think he could have recreated with fifteen years to practice. Nick checked in with him and Charlie nodded, half-closing his eyes in ecstasy. Nick drew back again and again, and each time, his thrust punched a little sound out of Charlie, each draw back lengthening and each press deeper, burying himself in Charlie’s body. 

“Fuck, Char, you feel so - so fucking good,” moaned Nick. “Tu te sens si bien, si bien.”

Between the words and the sensations, Charlie couldn’t see, think, or even hear straight. This was so different than he had experienced, on those drunken Uni nights. This was more than just sex. As ridiculous as it felt to say it, it was love. It was making love and fucking and pure fullness all at the same time, and Charlie felt drugged with it. Nick shifted a little on his hips, and his next thrust was with a flick of his hips that made Charlie’s vision fairly explode with sparks. 

“Holy fuck, Nick, oh my god, do that again,” babbled Charlie. Nick obliged, spinning his hips just so and pressing up so that Charlie’s whole body lit up, every nerve sizzling with feeling and pleasure. Nick hit him in the spot again and again, and Charlie cried out, his voice a high, happy keen. Nick groaned and shifted again to free up his left hand, which he used to stroke Charlie as he pressed. Charlie’s back fully lifted off the bed again, within a few moments, was coming copiously, praising Nick endlessly. “Yes, baby, yes, so perfect, yes! Oh god, yes, just like that, yes.” He could feel all parts of him quivering and twitching as he came, and as his hole pulsated with the contractions, he felt Nick seize up and release, making a low, breathy sound that just added to Charlie’s sense of fullness. 

Nick collapsed half-on Charlie, trying to support his own weight and not crush Charlie’s smaller frame, though heedless of Charlie’s come. He kissed Charlie’s shoulder and put a hand around the base of the condom, ready to pull out.

“No,” murmured Charlie. “Not yet.”

“Not yet?” echoed Nick.

“Just…one more minute,” said Charlie. “You…in me. This is…this is unreal, Nick.”

Nick relaxed back down again for a minute, kissing Charlie’s chest. “I love you so much, Charlie.”

“I love you too, Nick.”

A moment later, Charlie reluctantly told Nick to pull out and he did, taking care to move as gently as possible. He went to the toilet and Charlie could hear the sounds of him brushing his teeth and cleaning up, before coming with a soft washcloth to lovingly clean up Charlie, too. Once finished, Nick dropped into bed and pulled Charlie so that he was mostly laying on top of Nick’s chest, cheek pressed against him.

“That was…” Nick started, but drifted off with a sigh. “The best fucking thing I can imagine.”

Charlie chuckled. “You’re telling me. You have no idea how good it feels to have you inside me.”

“Well,” said Nick with a smirk. “Not yet.”

Charlie smiled and reached up to run his fingers through Nick’s hair. “True. Guess we just have to do it again, then.”

“If I have to,” mumbled Nick, massaging Charlie’s shoulders. “God, Char, I wish I was here for the whole bye week. All I want to do is be with you.”

“Me too,” said Charlie sleepily. “But you’re only gone a few days. We’ll have plenty of time.”

“I know,” said Nick. “But still - I want to spend every second I can with you before I leave. Can I buy you dinner tomorrow?”

Charlie smiled. “You already got in my pants,” he teased. “You don’t need to work so hard any more.”

Nick laughed. “I have to if I want to keep you, my perfect boy.”

“Oh, shoot - I actually have dinner tomorrow with Amy,” said Charlie. “But you’re welcome to join us.”

“That sounds nice,” said Nick, sounding like he was ready to drop off. “Yeah, I want to do that. I want to be with my Char Char Binks.”

“Good lord,” snorted Charlie. “I am so glad you said that after sex. Or else I don’t think we would have done that.”

The two of them spoke for a few more minutes before sliding into a deep, satisfying sleep. And in those minutes, Charlie reflected on how amazing it was - that beyond their passion and intense attraction to one another, they were also friends. Charlie drifted off, feeling more loved than he ever had before. 

-

Charlie was still on a high the following day, reliving so many of the moments from the previous night in his mind. How right and good everything felt, how Nick had touched him and cared about him and made him feel. The look on Nick’s face when he was in Charlie, the sounds he made. It made his stomach clench in the best way, thinking about so many more nights like that with Nick. He was almost grateful when his phone buzzed, as his brain’s mental HR space definitely would not have approved the thoughts that he was having at work. 

He looked at his phone to see a message from Amy. 

Still on for dinner tonight?

yeah, sounds great!

mind if Nick comes, too?

There were three bubbles - Amy was typing. They disappeared. Appeared. Disappeared. Finally:

Sounds great! I’ll change the reso to be for three ❤️

Charlie shouldered his bag and joined Nick to walk to the car park, where they met up with Amy, who exclaimed how glad she was that Nick was joining them.

“Where are the three of you going?” called Lucas, walking out with Danny, Lunker, and Wilco. “A convention for gingers and the brown-haired physios who tolerate them?”

Amy snorted. “You’re just jealous of my flowing locks, you buzz-cut monster. And honestly, being a ginger and not having to bother with a soul really makes my life of petty crime and unethical behavior easier.”

“Just headed to dinner,” said Charlie. “We’re going to try that newer Thai fusion place, Thai Flower?”

“Oh, I’ve heard that’s good,” said Wilco. “Annette wants to try it. Let me know how it is.”

“Will do,” called Amy. Charlie got in the car with her and Nick followed them in his to the restaurant. As soon as the door was shut, Amy turned to Charlie and admitted that she was nervous about going to dinner with Nick there as well, which explained her delay in texting back, which Charlie should have figured. In the car, Amy anxiously grilled Charlie on what she should or should not talk about, after her loose-lipped shenanigans a few weeks before after New Year’s. Charlie said that he thought they’d leave it to Nick. If he brought up anything with him and Charlie, then great, but otherwise, they’d just all have a friendly dinner together. 

They got to the restaurant and found Nick, surrounded by a small knot of people asking for pictures. Nick was gracious and friendly as always, taking selfies with his easy smile and signing autographs for the people who asked. It took a few minutes for the people to thin out and allow him to re-join Amy and Charlie. Fortunately, the host was thoughtful enough to seat them in the back. The restaurant was fairly open, so they were all still visible, but at least out of earshot from everyone. 

Charlie sat down, and Nick sat across from him. After a moment of hesitation, Amy dropped into the seat next to Nick.

“So!” said Amy, as they all sat and after their drinks order was taken. “Um, did you both see that article about cupping? How it can reduce LDL levels in men? It sounds like in general, the metastudy of cupping in general showed that while a bunch of evidence for cupping comes from low-quality studies, there are a few that show some stuff like that - oh, and I think I also remember there being evidence that it can increase endogenous opioids in the brain, so that’s good about it working for pain management.” As she rambled, Nick looked baffled, unclear what was happening and Charlie himself trying to keep up with what she was talking about. “So, uh - so Nick, I know we’ve done it before and so maybe we just consider that as part of your treatment plan, and…”

Charlie cut her off. “Amy. What the hell are you on about?”

“Just making conversation,” she said defensively. 

“Is this what you two normally talk about when you go out?” asked Nick. “Just like…physio stuff?”

“No,” said Charlie. He realized that Amy was trying to steer the conversation towards neutral subjects, but she had the subtlety of a rhino on a parquet floor when she was unsure of herself. “I think this nerd is just trying to show off that we actually, you know, think about you guys and our work with you even outside the stadium.” He shook his head at her with a light smile, trying to put her at ease. “We talk about the team, yeah, but also just like…normal stuff. Gossip about our own lives, you lot, our friends, discover new prime numbers, use the phrase ‘in this economy?!’. All the stuff normal 20-somethings do.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” said Amy, on firmer ground with Charlie’s reminder of normal-person things to talk about. She addressed Charlie. “Tao invited us all over for a film night in a few weeks, that second Saturday of the bye week. I saw him and Elle the other night and he mentioned it and reminded me to tell you about it.”

Charlie groaned good-naturedly. “Oh, god, a Tao film night? Try to find out what the film is ahead of time so I can Google the meaning of it before to stand half a chance when he demands we discuss the ‘moral and philosophical implications’ afterwards.”

Nick smiled. “The films he picks are that intense, huh?”

Amy nodded grimly. “The first one he made us watch was ‘Mother!’ The whole time it was on I was furiously trying to understand what the fuck it was about. I memorized a few lines from some analyses I found and repeated them to Tao and now he thinks I’m, like, a savant of that movie. And still texts me about it sometimes, then I have to look up more shit to copy paste about it. I’m in too deep now; I have to keep up the facade forever.”

Nick laughed. “That sounds way over my head. I’m definitely more of the sports and Marvel movie crowd myself.”

“My guy!” exclaimed Amy. “You’ll have to come with us to this next one. You and I can form a voting bloc and reject any single-word movie titles. That’s always the omen of a movie that’s going to be way too intense for me. Give me a long-ass title with a colon in it any day of the week; that’s my jam.”

“Maybe I will come to this next one,” said Nick. “If Charlie’s willing to bring me along as his date.” He looked across the table at Charlie, smiling softly. Charlie’s chest swelled with joy and happiness. This man…this perfect man. Coming out to Amy, on his own terms. And maybe to the group? They’d have to talk more about that part. 

Amy froze, looking between Nick and Charlie without moving her head, eyes swiveling furiously. She seemed as though she desperately wanted to say something to respond, but still wasn’t sure if she was allowed to.

Charlie looked back at Nick with a small head tilt. Is this fair game to talk about? Nick gave a small nod and spoke again. “Although - is it a date if we’re already boyfriends?”

Amy squeaked. She looked like she was about to explode.

Charlie laughed. “It’s okay, Amy. We can all talk about it now.”

Her breath burst out of her in a massive exhale, though she kept her voice fairly quiet in a whisper-yell as to not attract unwanted attention. “Oh my fuck. Fuck! Fucking holy shit, motherfucking SHIT yes! How long have you two fucking fuckers fucking…fuck! I am so fucking happy for you!”

Charlie laughed, Nick joining in. “Such a diverse vocabulary there, Jameson.”

“You two,” said Amy, her eyes tearing up. “I am so, so happy for you two. Fucking boyfriends? God, you two are so grossly perfect for each other. I cannot handle this.” She sent Nick an absolutely beaming look, that she then graced Charlie with as well. 

Charlie and Nick smiled at each other for a moment over the table. 

“Yeah,” said Nick. ‘We are. Or, at least Charlie’s perfect. I just try to bathe in his glow.”

Charlie rolled his eyes despite his smile and Amy mimed vomiting. “I cannot wait to be horrified by what prediabetic nonsense comes out of your mouth, Nelson.” She sobered a little looking at Nick. “I’m…I’m really honored that you’re telling me.”

Nick smiled and put an arm around Amy, pulling her in for a side hug, leaning his head against hers for a quick moment. “You’re a great person, Ames. And I know you mean a ton - to both me and Charlie.”

“And let’s not forget, you already made it abundantly clear that you knew,” added Charlie, unable to resist. 

Amy groaned and slid down so far in her chair that only her eyes were visible over the top of the table. “I’m still so sorry about that, guys.”

Nick put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her back up. “It’s all right, truly.” He paused. “I’m honestly…I’m so glad to get to say it out loud. Say that Charlie is my boyfriend.” He looked back at Charlie, who wondered if light was actually shining out from his eyes and ears like in the cartoons, feeling aglow from the inside. 

Amy teared up again and squeezed Nick’s shoulder. “See?! You’re going to kill me with hidden added sugar, you American food company.”

Nick and Charlie both laughed at that. The rest of the dinner was full of fun, hilarious conversation, feeling so free, even if it was just between the three of them. They talked about the bye week and their plans, Amy smirking and asking how they’d be spending the second half of the week when Nick returned, making Nick blush. Charlie reveled in this new feeling - being out with his boyfriend and someone who knew that was his boyfriend. He wished that he and Nick could have held hands across the table or even snuggled as they had waited for a table, but even this taste was incredible. After dinner, Amy dropped off Charlie and demanded the tea, and Charlie obliged with some details, though censoring himself for certain details. She hugged him for a long, long time when she dropped him off, and both of them were smiling through tears when he went up to his flat, his cup full with his worlds just starting to combine.

-

The next day, Charlie and Amy arrived for training early, meeting with the players that they had scheduled for a pre-practice appointment. In all of his impromptu “check-ins” with Nick, Charlie had honestly forgotten that Amy was his primary physio, and they were still wrapping when Charlie finished with Decker. Charlie’s load was a little lighter than Amy’s that week, and he was done and back in the locker room early, checking in on more minor issues and applying tape and wraps as more players who hadn’t had PT came in closer to training starting time. Charlie noticed some laughter from a knot of players down on the far end of the bench, and absently wondered what was up while he worked. 

Amy and Nick came in from the physio room, their work done and Amy joining Charlie in pre-training treatments as Nick headed over to his stall. 

“Oi, Nick! Ames!” called Lucas, laughing and waving a paper. 

“What’s up?” asked Amy. Nick raised his eyebrows and looked inquisitive, turning his head towards Lucas.

“Since when have you two been going out?” asked Danny with a laugh, grabbing the paper and tossing that day’s issue of The Daily Mail on the bench in front of her and Nick. It was opened to a gossip page with a large picture of Amy and Nick of them sitting next to each other in the restaurant, Nick’s arm around her shoulders and Amy smiling and leaning her head in. Charlie knew exactly when this picture had been taken, right after Nick had told Amy about him and Charlie, had told her they were boyfriends and Amy was touched that Nick had told her. You could just see the hint of Charlie’s curls in the foreground of the picture, but he was largely cut out, both from the angle and from some artful cropping. 

Amy picked up the paper, clearly torn between amusement and annoyance. “‘Ravishing Rugger Nick Nelson may be off the market’,” she read. “‘A fan snapped a picture of Nelson, 26, getting close with team physio Amy Jameson, also 26, at Thai Flower last night. This will come as devastating news for the ladies of Leeds enamored with the fly-half, as it appears his heart is already half-flying off with the team's medical beauty. Witnesses say the two of them were joined by an unnamed third party, but the pair couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other all evening. Bye bye, Badger bachelor’?” Amy looked up, scandalized. “This is incredibly offensive!” 

“The invasion of privacy?” asked Wilco. “Taking pictures of the three of you at dinner and passing it off as something newsworthy?”

“No, it’s that I’m actually 25 goddamn years old,” said Amy. “How dare they say I’m 26 like that codger.” She pointed to Nick. That got a good laugh from everyone. 

“Unnamed third party?” asked Nick, his lips quirking a little as he looked at Charlie. “Harsh.”

Charlie shrugged. “Guess all that plastic surgery worked wonders. Them paps will never find me.”

That got everyone laughing again, and they all started comparing war stories with one another, of when each of them had been pictured with someone or talking to someone and the stories that the gossip items had manufactured. It was an unfortunate part of being in the spotlight like all of them were - constant attention and guessing on what everything meant. Charlie knew a few of the guys had even had supposed friends hand pictures off to the media, relishing the attention that they received for some unknown reason. He was glad that Nick seemed relaxed and flippant about this whole thing, though he figured it was unfortunately because he was largely used to it, being a common gossip item. This one just tickled the team, especially since they knew it had been the three of them at dinner. But it was sobering to think about it at a deeper level, knowing how ugly the reality of all it was. There was such intense attention around the members of the team, and the speculation about social lives ran rampant. Charlie’s memory unexpectedly shot back to the first time he and Nick went out to dinner, and Nick had pulled away from his hand, worried about what conclusions might be drawn from a picture. He hated how that was an undercurrent for Nick, a pressure that always simmered underneath the surface.

But now, everyone was laughing, was appreciating how ridiculous the article was. Charlie shook off the heavier thoughts and tried to grin at the jokes flying around, the light ribbing. 

Will snorted and rolled his eyes. “These fucking tabloids, man. I love that you’re just conveniently cut out of the picture, Springtime. Nice of you to let these two have their romantic date.”

Charlie scoffed. “And it was so romantic, too. We talked about Thai food, the efficacy of cupping, and our plans for the bye week. Really riveting stuff.” He snuck a look over at Nick, who threw his lazy half-grin at Charlie. 

Seamus and James came in through the locker room door as the rest of the lads continued to exchange their own experiences with clandestine pictures and intensely mistaken media takes.

“What’s going on?” asked James, joining the group still laughing with one another. 

“Oh, just celebrating Leeds’ newest It couple, Nick Nelson and Amy Jameson,” said Danny, handing him the paper with a smirk. 

“Wot?!” demanded Seamus, shouldering his way in. He looked at the picture and looked at Nick and Amy, his head cocked, eyes between them and the picture, scanning to try to take in the article.

Nick rolled his eyes. “Charlie, Amy, and I went out to dinner last night. Some idiot took a picture of just the two of us to make it look like we were on a date. They cropped Charlie out of it.”

Seamus’s face relaxed and he laughed, loudly. “Oh, Springtime my lad. Hey, I’ve been there- we’ve all been a cockblock before.”

Amy, Nick, and Charlie all laughed at that loudly, surprising Seamus and making him smile, thinking their joy was at his joke. Poor guy didn’t know how much the turntables were…turned when it came to who most recently cockblocked who. Seamus was always so close to understanding what was going on, but getting it just the tiniest bit wrong.

- 

A few nights later, Charlie was at Nick’s, laying on his side watching Nick pack for the exhibition game. Nick had tried to seduce and wheedle him into sex before packing, but Charlie insisted that sex was a post-packing priviledge to be earned. Needless to say, that upped Nick’s pace.

“Is there anyone else on either of the teams you’re excited to see?” asked Charlie, scrolling through his phone. The group text with Amy, Tao, Elle, Issac, and Imogen was on fire and he was trying to catch up to the 213 missed messages he’d received when he and Nick were hooking up. Oral sex was permitted prior to suitcase organization, as everyone knows.

“Oh, yeah, quite a few,” said Nick. “Jacques will be there - remember him from the Parma match? And then this American bloke who I’ve always liked, Nick McCarthy, on Leinster. Few others, too - there’re a few of my old mates from my previous teams. Should be fun, and it’s just a friendly. They’re trying to get local support to get a new French team in place in a couple seasons.”

“You and Danny are cutting it kind of close, aren’t you? Just flying out the day before?” 

“Nah, it’ll be right. That’s when they booked the flights for us, anyway. Fortunately it’s just a quick trip, and I’ll be back the day after.” Nick gave him a sappy look. “It’ll be the longest 48 hours of my life without you, though.”

Charlie looked up at the ceiling to try to look unimpressed, but couldn’t hide the smile that grew across his face every time Nick was inanely sweet. “Will there even be time for training?”

“Not really - it’s mostly PR, honestly. There are a bunch of shoots before the fixture, so I think we only have a few hours of ‘team time’ where we’re all together. And there’s this red carpet thing after the match to try to draw attention to it - you know how it goes, they want us to dress up and talk about the transformative power of sport to shape the spirit of a community.”

“The…what,” Charlie deadpanned.

Nick laughed. “Yeah, Imogen sent over a few lines they want me to try to work in. That’s one of them. I think I’m also supposed to allude to the bustling economic activity of Leeds this year with the Badgers performing so well, but I’m not sure how natural that is to slip in.”

Charlie snorted and looked back at his phone. “Yes, and so like the way that you normally talk.”

“Do you like the way I normally talk?” asked Nick, abandoning his task for a minute and giving Charlie a saucy look. “Because, you know, I won’t be talking normally while I’m there. I’m in France. I’ll have to speak… French.”

Charlie glanced up from his phone as Nick hung up his packed garment bag, his tuxedo inside for the red carpet. “Don’t you dare, Nick Nelson. You are not finished packing and you know French is cheating.”

"Je suis désolé, mon amour," purred Nick, finding the edge of the bed and crawling up, closer to Charlie. “Je n'ai absolument aucune arrière-pensée. C'est purement pédagogique. Pour te montrer comment je vais devoir parler en France... Je pourrais être amené à dire n'importe quoi, n'importe quand comme dire à quelqu'un qu'il sent le pet de cheval.” 

“Yes,” murmured Charlie, and Nick was now over him, boxing him in with his large frame. “Le pet de cheval, definitely.”  

Nick giggled and kissed his neck. “J'ai besoin d'un peu de motivation,” murmured Nick. “I need…motivation. Please help me get motivated, Char.” And Charlie, ever the giver, helped motivate Nick. Twice.

-

Their match the next day was their last before the bye week, and everyone was fired up, ready to leave it all on the pitch with the promise of the blissful days off. They were playing the London Irish, another home game before they faced a long series of road matches when they returned from the break. Charlie and Amy threaded themselves through the locker room after their appointments, taping and wrapping. Charlie was trying to soak in as many moments with Nick as he could, knowing that they wouldn’t have any time together after the fixture; Nick with a tight turnaround to get to the airport. Danny and Nick were both headed to the airport that same day. Nick was leaving immediately after, the chauffeured car actually already there in the lot, as per the message he had just gotten, waiting for the match to conclude. Sometimes the money in professional sport truly astonished Charlie. Danny was leaving later that night, and so had some down time after the game. 

Clouds chased across the sky and the breeze was a little too cold, but it was still a nice afternoon for a fixture. The Irish were awarded the ball first, but their scrum-half dropped a high ball in midfield. The Badgers were able to play the advantage, but then lost the ball in a forward pass that went wide out, resulting in a scrum where they re-gained possession of the ball. Harry was cited for a late tackle, and the Irish were able to kick for a goal on the penalty, going up 0-3. Charlie watched as Wilco, Seamus, and Nick gathered the team together for a quick heads-in, breaking up with claps on the shoulder and determined nods. The Badgers defense came alive, absolutely smothering carries. The next few minutes were a somewhat frustrating volley of kicks, no momentum present for either team. The Badgers had a chance to level the score, but James tugged it just right. Charlie spotted Danny drop his arm around James’s shoulders for a moment, giving him a quick comment that made James’s eyes widen for a moment. Charlie couldn’t guess what it was, but James played well after that. 

It wasn’t until 25 minutes in that anything else happened. Lunker delivered a left shoulder directly to the face of one of the Irish players, in what looked unintentional but still earned a yellow. In the resulting man-down situation, the Irish were able to storm up the left wing and capitalize on the reduced defense on the Badger’s end, earning a try and a 10-0 lead. Again, the Leeds boys drew together and spoke, Nick patting a frustrated Will on the shoulder. After a penalty on the Irish, James was able to neatly tuck in a penalty kick, putting the Badgers on the board 10-3. With new energy from the score and from Lunker returning after his penalty, the Badgers came back alive. Nick worked his way up the field, eventually dragged down by several defenders, but their attention on him left the other side of the field nearly wide open. A quick pass to Wilco who handed it off to Danny, and the Badgers were able to score and convert to tie it at 10-10. 

The half was riotous, the team excited to have a fully clean slate for the second half. Nick seized the advantage to go straight to the physio room, calling out that he needed a quick ice pack for the half. Charlie followed him in, only to be swung against the wall in a quick, fiery kiss.

“I fucking love you,” said Nick, still flushed with adrenaline and energy.

Charlie laughed and reached behind him to grab an ice pack to hand to Nick. “I fucking love you, too.”

Nick gave him a wide, smirking grin, kissed him once more, and bounded off for the locker room, Charlie following with a silly smile that he neutralized before going back in to follow. 

The second half began, the Badgers with the ball to start, but penalized early for not rolling away soon enough in a tackle. The Irish missed the long penalty attempt, tugging it outside the right-hand post. The Badgers were able to rumble a maul towards the try line, but a hard as they were pushing, they just weren’t able to convert. Nick smashed through a couple of would-be tacklers, but a tough defense stymied him, and the ball worked its way back, ending in another frustrating series of kicks back and forth. Finally, the Badgers were able to break through, Wilco with a nearly superhuman display of strength and speed, streaking up the middle with Nick trailing. He handed the ball off from a tackle, and Nick was able to reach across, putting the Badgers up 15-10. Despite the missed conversion, they were able to hold that lead for the remainder of the game, finishing at 15-10 to a roaring crowd. Charlie smiled to himself, a little, thinking about the good luck that might have visited Nick at the half.

The team was all in the locker room, cooling down after the match. Spirits were high, everyone coasting on the win and looking forward to the bye week. Several of the players were going on short trips, while many others just professed how excited they were to hang around town and do nothing. Wilco proclaimed that he was going to nap every goddamn day with no work and his kids at school, and said anyone who called him was sentenced to death. Nick had hurriedly showered and had just gotten changed, ready to head out to his waiting car in just a moment. 

Charlie had sent Nick a message wishing him safe travels before Nick left, following that with a message about what he couldn’t wait for in two days when Nick was back, texting a picture of an eggplant, the biting lip emoji and the “water” droplets. Nick had just pulled on his suit, as he’d be representing the team on the flight and at the exhibition game. Charlie kept him in his peripheral view, his phone in his own hands, waiting for Nick to see his messages. He saw Nick’s smirk as he unlocked his phone and started to reply, when his face changed, eyebrows knitting together.

Charlie felt his own phone buzz with an email notification and saw the notification cross his screen - an email from “[email protected]”, with the subject “All-team FYI”. He frowned and clicked into the notification, and his whole body stopped working. 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: All-team FYI

Link: reddit.co.uk/rugbyunion/comments/aieyn29d/gay-nick-nelson

Underneath the link there were a couple embedded images. It was a set of two pictures, taken at night in their car park. In the first, Nick and Charlie had their backs mostly to the camera and were hand and hand, their faces turned towards one another, their smiles just visible in the dim lighting. If you knew them, it was clear who was in the picture. The second one was of Nick, leaning against the open passenger door of his car, kissing Charlie. Nick’s right hand was resting on the door frame, his left on Charlie’s face. Charlie knew exactly when this was taken - just a few weeks ago on Boxing Day when Nick opened his door and gave him that tender kiss. Again, while the lighting wasn’t great and the image quality was poor, it would be clear to everyone on the team who was in those pictures.

Despite everything in his body screaming at him not to, Charlie clicked the link in the email. It brought him to a reddit post of the two pictures that hadn’t collected a ton of attention yet, only receiving a few hundred upvotes and several comments.

The comments on the post from a few days ago were mixed - a few exclaiming that Nick was gay and their various reactions to that, one naming”Charlie the team physio” as the other person pictured, and several proclaiming that this was clearly fake, the images too unclear. Someone else linked to the picture of Nick and Amy, noting that he couldn’t be dating Charlie, he was dating someone else, some woman from the team, also a team physio. Even though the post hadn’t gone viral yet, the intensity of the posters and their surety in what was or wasn’t pictured was dizzying. And Charlie’s brain immediately spiraled to what would happen if these images gained traction and got out to any of the mass social media sites, posted by the right wrong person. 

Charlie was rooted to the spot, his legs leaden, every cell melting and dripping down his body in  icy rivulets inside his veins. He could feel his pulse pounding in his head and he felt faint, his breath not seeming to draw enough air into his lungs, but too panicked to care. He finally tore his eyes away from his phone, catching on to the abject silence in the locker room. Many players had their phones out, everyone with notifications on having received the same message. He could barely see clearly through his panic, but clocked several players looking with wide eyes between their phones, him, and Nick. James was looking at Charlie with an intense look on his face, but Charlie couldn’t meet his eye. He felt more than saw Danny rising to his feet from his place in the locker room. He numbly noticed Amy at his side, gently taking his phone out of his hand and taking his hand with hers. 

Wilco had risen and was talking to Nick quietly in French with his hands on his shoulders, but Nick didn’t even seem to hear him. Nick. Oh god, Nick. His face was ashen under his freckles, the hold of his body reflecting the same panic that Charlie felt. His chest looked like he was barely breathing. He looked at Charlie, once, their eyes meeting, and Charlie’s heart broke at the sheer terror in Nick’s eyes. Without another word, Nick shouldered his bag and left the locker room, headed (Charlie suspected) for the car outside to take him to the airport, escaping  the team before anyone could say anything.

Charlie stared after Nick’s wake, the door to the locker room settling closed, his eyes not leaving the plain, heavy wood. He didn’t blame Nick, knew that he was feeling the same threat of the panic about to take him under, needing to escape before its hands tried to grip him. But he desperately wished for…Nick. To hold him, to be held by him, to comfort and be comforted. Was this real? This couldn’t be real. None of this could be real. Charlie could feel himself slipping away, his vision darkening a little as the panic tightened all of his senses, pulled them together in an overwhelming, silently shrieking spiral and gripped Amy’s hand like a lifeline. Charlie felt another, different hand on his other shoulder, giving a soft squeeze.

“Come on, Charlie.” It was Seamus, his voice gentle. “I’ll give you a ride home.”

Charlie let Amy lead him through the quiet to Seamus’s car, settling into the backseat, Amy joining him and holding onto his hand, squeezing. Seamus periodically looked back at the two of them, worry and concern creased into his face. The car ride was silent - just like the locker room had been, the walk to the car had been. Dimly, Charlie thought of a bomb blast. The shockwave of a blast always hit first, its waves traveling faster than the sound can. The first shockwave had hit, jolting his world and Nick’s world. And now, it was silent, waiting for the inevitable roar to catch up. Charlie would take the silence as long as he could, before the sound came crashing into him. 

Chapter Text

Seamus drove Charlie and Amy to Charlie’s flat and walked up with them, all the way inside. Somewhere in his rattling brain, Charlie distantly clocked that this was the first time any of the team members had been inside his flat besides Nick. Even his name sends a twist through Charlie’s heart and gut. He wanted to see him so badly it ached. Even though he was - he was hurt. It might be rational, it might be irrational. He knew that Nick’s entire life pattern was hiding and fleeing, even just inside himself. He couldn’t blame Nick, exactly, but still…it had been hard. More than anything, Charlie felt genuine worry and compassion for Nick, but he wanted him here.

He absently checked for his phone before remembering that Amy had taken it from him at the stadium, probably to keep him from seeing any comments or messages that could come in. He walked straight to the bedroom and lay down on his side, curling up into himself. Charlie could hear Amy and Seamus talking in low tones for a few minutes before the front door of his flat closed and Amy came into the bedroom.

“I have your phone, Charlie.” She sat down next to him. “Nick messaged you a few times. Do you want to read them?”

Charlie nodded and she placed his phone in his hands, gently. Charlie unlocked it and read the messages.

Charlie…I am so sorry.

I love you so much.

I’ll call you after I land. 

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

God I love you so much. I’m so sorry 

Charlie’s whole body hurt, physically hurt. He imagined Nick on his flight, surrounded by executives eager to welcome Nick’s brand as a means of expanding the sport, increasing the reach of rugby. Or at least, that was the charitable way to think about it. It was also making money, using what Nick represented to project a tidy image of sport to a town, enticing other rich investors to come together and make themselves more money. No one would have any idea what was happening, the spread of the post almost nonexistent at this point. No one would know what was going on inside Nick, the fear he probably felt about his team, his own team. Charlie sent a few messages back to Nick, telling him to not be sorry, that it was okay, that he loved him too. Not that anything was okay. Doing something like this, messing with lives and emotions and mental health…Charlie couldn’t imagine why someone would choose cruelty like that. Ben. He knew it had been Ben. It was literally unfathomable to think of choosing pain for someone else, choosing to expose someone. For what? For living? For loving someone? He and Nick’s love for each other didn’t hurt anyone, didn’t even impact anyone. The fact that it could be weaponized ate at Charlie. He didn’t think he could do this. He closed his eyes and felt himself being irresistibly drawn back, back to some of the darkest times in his life. 

He was back in year 7, crying alone in his room about how he couldn’t understand why he didn’t look at girls the same way as his friends.

He was in year 5, watching Aladdin and feeling fluttery and unsure in his stomach, not understanding the feelings that were coming up.

He was in year 10, Tori holding him as he shook uncontrollably, afraid to go in the locker room for phys ed the next day, terrified of how the other boys might react to him. 

He was in a treatment facility, so anxious about the world that he felt like he wanted to pull his own skin off and not having the tools to deal with it.

“Charlie?” he heard Amy ask. He couldn’t do anything but sniffle in response. “Oh, Charlie.” Amy sounded like her heart was breaking, too. She lay down and wrapped herself around him as much as she could. “I’m here, Charlie. Elle is coming, too. We’re here. You’re safe. Breathe with me. In for four, hold for four, out for seven. You are safe. We love you. Your family loves you. This team loves you. You are such an important part of this world, Charlie Spring.” She breathed in the pattern, exaggerating until Charlie joined her, slowly. She continued to breathe with him and whisper quiet affirmations for a long, long time, until Charlie could feel the pull of panic start to leave him. He was safe. He was safe here, with his friends, with the people in this room. As he felt his breath start to return to normal, he was able to redirect his mind to some different moments, spots of brightness that emerged through the darkness.

He was in year 12, knowing more ways of calming himself, able to pull himself back from the brink of a panic attack.

He was in year 9, his parents telling him that they loved him and accepted him not in spite of him being gay, but regardless of his sexuality. 

He was in his first year at Uni, going to LGBT events with Elle and knowing that there were so many people like him, and that the world was so much larger than his small-town school.

He was on a phone call with Olly a few years ago, Olly telling him that he was his favorite person in the world.

He was sitting at a table a few months ago with Tao, Elle, Isaac, and Amy, celebrating each other’s lives and loves in silly ways.

He was with Nick a few days ago, telling him he loved him. With Nick telling him that he, Charlie Spring, was utterly perfect.

Nothing would make this easier, the stinging slap of someone pulling autonomy away from him and Nick. But Charlie, back in his body, was also remembering what Geoff had taught him. That he was strong. He was resilient. He was an asset to the world. He was something that no one else was. He was empathetic. He was sensitive, and it made him sensitive for others, too - those lucky enough to be in his orbit. He was so much more than what some worthless asshole had decided - a pixelated face, an opportunity for unearned embarrassment and shame. He was Charlie fucking Spring. 

* - * - * - * - * - *

Nick was drowning. In the car, he had been too shell-shocked to do anything, say anything, nodding at the driver on his way in the car and thanking him robotically on the way out. He was a shell, his body somehow knowing to move in predictable patterns even though the world had exploded. His stomach clenched as he thought about the team. This was the first team where he had felt fully himself. The first team where he’d been relaxed and casual, dropping the professional mask that he’d worked so hard on. His mum had even noticed it when she went to the game a few weeks ago. And now all of that was gone, spun in a whirlpool he couldn’t get out of. The entire flight, he was on auto-pilot, nodding and responding to questions politely and with the good manners he’d learned. But his brain kept irresistibly drawing back to the faces in the locker room. Shock. Disbelief. He didn’t want to think about what else. 

And Charlie. Charlie’s face. Charlie’s eyes, filled with so much compassion and care and worry. Not for himself - for Nick. Nick felt physically nauseated thinking of leaving Charlie like that. But he couldn’t face it. He had successfully hidden parts of himself for so long. Hidden his weaknesses. When you brought an injury on the rugby field, you didn’t limp. You didn’t expose your weaknesses to your competitors. When you were hurt by the words your brother said, you didn’t acknowledge the hurt. That gave a target, a clear sign to keep digging and press on the bruise. But still - even this comparison didn’t feel right to Nick. Loving Charlie didn’t feel like a weakness. At all. Loving Charlie felt like something that seeped into all his bones, grounding him and energizing him at the same time. For so long he had thought of his sexuality as a weakness, something that could be used against him. And that was how he felt now, too - or at least what he was afraid of. He was terrified that his sexuality was a wedge between him and the team that he truly felt a part of, even though it was an equally true part of him. Even though now, with Charlie, he no longer believed it was a weakness. It was just who he was, who he loved. And the idea of what he had with Charlie making him weak - that was ridiculous to even think about. Charlie was strength, was what confidence and compassion could look like after even the hardest of times. 

He wanted Charlie with him so badly. To be with him, speak to him, hold him. And he wanted to do the same with Charlie, too. And he had left him - run away from him. Left him to be on his own, in the most terrifying situation either of them had been in. He was comforted by the messages he received after landing, the ones from Charlie meant to soothe him and tell him how loved he was. Even though he didn’t think he deserved it. But on turning on his phone after the flight, Nick had far more than messages from Charlie. He had missed calls - tens of them from Seamus, Wilco, Danny, James. Nearly the whole team. Several from Tara. An “urgent” email asking him to join a video call with the leadership and legal teams later that evening, Tara CCed on it. And messages, too, from all of the same people. Nick didn’t read any of them, besides the ones from Charlie and Tara. He didn’t return any of the calls from his teammates. He went right into professional mode, calling Tara first, the meeting seeming like the only thing that he knew how to do, following a series of steps like a checkbox.

He could hear how flat his voice was when talking to Tara. He knew how concerned she was, saying that she’d get there as soon as she could, already on her way to London. Nick tried to convince her not to come, but Tara insisted, telling him she was already purchasing her train ticket from London to Paris, then making her way to him. She said she’d move mountains to protect his privacy and that she’d do anything to make sure everything was right with the team. Even as he spoke with her, Nick felt his phone buzz with more messages, more calls, all of which he silenced. He wasn’t ready for the onslaught. He wasn’t ready for things to change on the team. He wasn’t ready to face up to his own…cowardice. After hanging up with Tara, he messaged his mum saying that his phone was spotty, and that he’d be fairly unavailable until he got back to Leeds. Nick switched off his phone and sat in silence in his hotel room, waiting for Tara, waiting for a piece of home. 

* - * - * - * - * - *

The next morning, Charlie woke up, disoriented. Whatever Amy had given him to help him sleep had worked, but now he was awake and remembering everything that had happened. He lay there silently, waiting for Amy or Elle to stir. Elle had come over after the video call with the team, the two of them leaving Charlie alone in his room to take the meeting at his insistence. He was in the middle of the bed, the two women on either side of him like sentries, like they were guarding him as he slept. 

He heard Amy’s breathing shift a little. She turned over and looked at him. “Hi, you,” she said, reaching to his face and drawing a thumb along his eyebrow. “Did you sleep?”

Charlie nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “A bit.”

“Good,” said Amy. Silence fell and stretched between them.

“I want to go for a run,” said Charlie. 

“I’ll go with you,” replied Amy.

Charlie didn’t really want her to come. He wanted silence, wanted to feel his lungs burning, feel like he was in his body, pushing his body to work and drag him away from his spinning mind. But he read the expression on her face, the one that said, I don’t want you to go out alone right now, and I hate that I’m worried about that, but I am coming with you. 

“Okay,” he said. They both got up and got changed, Elle having brought a bag over for Amy when she arrived last night  along with the softest blankets she had in her home, wrapping them around Charlie. Her hug had felt like a piece of home. Amy messaged Elle and left a note for her as well, and they set off, at a blistering pace that barely let Charlie think, the burning in his lungs and legs a welcome distraction. She seemed to read his silence and ran along without talking, breathing hard as she worked to keep Charlie’s pace.

As they ran, Charlie’s brain flashed back to the call the night before, the one with the team. Coaches Croft and Singh had been on it, as well as two of the team lawyers, Nick, and Tara, who Charlie was surprised to see was in person with Nick.

--

Coach Croft had explained that the legal team was issuing takedown notices to anywhere the picture was posted. It has been scrubbed from the Internet at the moment, and they assured Nick and Charlie that they’d continue to monitor everything, doing their best to keep the knowledge limited to those inside the team. He said that if rumors were to start, the team would shut down any speculation. There’d be no expectation of Nick or Charlie making any sort of statement, not unless they decided to.

“And of course, there will be a full investigation,” said one of the lawyers, an older, thin man. “As to who posted the images and how they were able to use the listserve with an outside email address.”

Ben, Charlie had thought dully. But there’d be time for that later. It wasn’t…even worth it at the moment. 

“And we’ll need to do interviews,” said the other lawyer hesitantly, a woman. “With the two of you. About this, and about the…history of your relationship. To ensure that there was no coercion.”

Both Charlie and Nick had exclaimed at that, talking over each other.

“Coercion?!”

“Are you saying that you think he-”

The lawyer cut them off and held up her hand. “Legally, we just need to make sure there was no misuse of power. Charlie being a physio for the team-”

Nick looked furious and started to say something angrily, Tara gripping his arm, but Coach Croft spoke first.

“Charlie has been the epitome of professionalism, and this entire team relies on him. He’s not Nick’s primary physio, Amy is.” He seemed to address Nick and Charlie now. “And I will use every ounce of power that I have to ensure that both of you are protected. None of this is wrong or criminal, except for whomever posted that picture.” Charlie felt a glimmer of hope that others on the team would react the same way, but his gut still twisted when he thought about it. 

“Will Charlie be in trouble?” demanded Nick, leaning in towards the screen. “Can you keep Charlie safe?” Charlie’s stomach twisted up again in a complex combination of feelings.

“I think there’d be a team riot if anything happened to Charlie,” Singh said reassuringly, shooting a glare at the second lawyer who had opened her mouth to speak. “And like Coach Croft said - after looking through all of our internal paperwork, we don’t see anything that would mandate any actions like that.” She addressed Nick as well as she could on video chat. “We’ll put everything we have into keeping you both safe. And yes,” she said, seeing Nick’s mouth open. “Definitely Charlie. Keeping him safe.”

Nick gave a fractional nod, his lips thin and jaw clenched, but looking even fractionally less anxious.

The call hadn’t lasted much longer than that, the lawyers promising to start an investigation and continue to scour social media sites to issue takedown notices. The lawyers and coaches dropped off the call, but Charlie had stayed on, wanting to talk to Nick. Nick had stayed on, too, asking Tara to give him a moment. He waited until she left the room, then addressed Charlie.

“Charlie,” said Nick, and his voice was so tremulous that Charlie could hardly stand it. 

“Baby,” said Charlie. 

“I’m so sorry I left like that,” said Nick. “I couldn’t…” He squeezed his eyes shut, a tear trickling out. “I left you.”

Charlie closed his own eyes, not wanting Nick’s misery to deepen, and not wanting to minimize the hurt. 

“You were…protecting yourself,” said Charlie. “It’s what you and Lucy have been talking about. Walling in. And this never should have happened.” He wanted Nick to understand that part, so badly. “You never should have been put in a situation like that. Neither of us.”

Nick shook his head miserably. “Walling out. Walling you out. I’m so - I don’t know how you can forgive me. Or if I can forgive myself.”

“You’ll be home the day after tomorrow,” said Charlie, the ache returning in his chest, a complex miasma sitting heavy inside. “We can talk. And none of this - all of this is so unfair. All of this is so shitty.”

“I’m going to…I’m going to turn my phone off for a few days,” said Nick, his voice flat. “I just - I don’t think I can face anything yet.”

“I get it,” said Charlie. “Maybe…maybe call me after the match and that fundraising dinner? Even from Tara’s phone, so you don’t have to see your own?”

“Yeah,” said Nick. He looked at his camera, like he was trying to look into Charlie’s eyes. “Charlie. I’m so sorry.”

“I am too,” said Charlie softly. “Mostly that any of this happened. You acted out of panic. I’ve been there. I know those patterns. And also - you can break those, too, baby. We can - we can talk more about it in a few days, when you’re home.”

“I love you,” said Nick, saying it almost with desperation, trying to convince Charlie of it. 

“I love you, too,” said Charlie, repeating it a few times, wanting Nick to know no matter what, that couldn’t change. They had rung off after that, and it had taken Charlie a few moments to compose himself before going back out to Amy and Elle. He had sat down at his desk after he had breathed for a few intentional minutes, going to his journal to document more of those moments where he knew his own strength. The moments that made him ground down into who he was - Charlie Spring. Who was strong and resilient and an important part of the world to the people in his world.

--

“How much further do you want to go?” asked Amy, a little out of breath, snapping Charlie back to reality and out of the memories of the previous evening. 

“Oh, uh - maybe just another mile or so,” said Charlie. “I want to be back - I want to watch the fixture.”

“You sure?” said Amy.

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “It’s still…us. Me and Nick. And I want to watch him play.”

“It is,” agreed Amy. “It’s the two of you. Charlie and Nick.” She jogged for another minute. “And all of the people who love you in your corner.” 

-

Isaac and Tao came over first, after Amy and Charlie returned and had showers. That hadn’t surprised Charlie very much, figuring that Amy and Elle texted them for full rainbow group reinforcement. But then Imogen came over as well, Sahar with her. They all gave Charlie warm, loving hugs and brought things. Isaac brought a stack of books, including some of Charlie’s childhood favorites he hadn’t even remembered mentioning before, like A Wrinkle in Time and My Side of the Mountain. Tao brought over a collector’s copy of Moonlight, one of Charlie’s all-time most loved movies. Imogen and Sahar had brought over some warm vanilla rose scones, Sahar explaining that she was teaching Imogen some of her favorite recipes. Charlie took all of them inside - the people and the things they brought, their reach-outs that unequivocally said I’m here. You are still the same person that I loved before. 

Charlie’s little living room had barely enough seating for the seven of them, but still, he felt the first pulses of joy moving through him as he looked around. It didn’t matter to these people that he and Nick were together. He was still the same person, and they were entirely unbothered. To be honest, if Charlie had been asked about this before, he would have expected it, deep down. He would have expected for all of them to be there unquestioningly, piled into his living room with blankets and tea, Tao putting on Finding Nemo without wincing almost at all, which brought a small smile to Charlie’s face. 

What he hadn’t expected was when there was another knock at the door. He opened it, waving off Elle and Amy’s offers to get it, to find Wilco and Annette, Annette holding a loaf of banana bread that she shoved into Wilco’s arms. She drew Charlie into a long embrace and he melted into her touch after just a moment of startled stiffness.

“My Charlie,” she said soothingly. “I hope it is all right that we came over.”

Charlie cleared his throat, still against her shoulder. He finally drew back to look at her face. “Of course it is, Annette. I appreciate…I appreciate you coming.” 

Wilco put down the loaf of bread and held out his arms to Charlie. “My turn?” he asked, and pulled Charlie into another hug. 

After they separated, Charlie invited them in. Elle, Imogen, and Amy greeted them warmly, Tao a little bit more reticently but still friendly. There were quick introductions to Sahar and Isaac and re-introductions to the rest of the group, and Charlie was thinking of dragging the chair from his bedroom to the living room to provide a little bit more sitting space when there was another rap on the door.

First it was Seamus.

Then it was Lunker and his girlfriend Emma.

James was next.

Then Stig. 

And Decker. 

And even Will and Lucas, who Charlie had thought had both said they were headed out of town for the bye week. 

More and more players kept showing up, filling Charlie’s living room and kitchen with things - flowers from Emma and Lunker, food and wine from nearly all of them, champagne and orange juice from Will, a couple of board games from Lucas. But more than anything, they filled his home with support. Quiet, cheerful, understated support. They were all there, sitting with Charlie and loudly quoting parts from the movie, Decker cackling at the line, “He touched the butt!", setting many of the others off, too. People were everywhere - leaning against couches, laid out on the floor, or sitting on laps in the case of couples. Wilco excused himself at one point after the movie ended to exit the flat and come back with two armfuls of folding chairs which he said were easy enough to order online and have brought over with instant delivery. 

Charlie looked around in wonder for a moment. It was a wild mix of people sitting in his home - ages, backgrounds, countries of origin, beliefs - but all together and united in their affection for one another. It might have been a kinship born out of convenience, of people who spend time together were more likely to know and like each other, especially those rooted around a common cause. But this made it clear - that this was a group who genuinely cared. Charlie wished desperately that Nick was there, sitting with him and seeing the easy camaraderie, the joking conversations. He was still a little stunned at all of this. He leaned over towards Seamus, who was sitting on the floor nearby, his back against one of the couches. 

“How…how’d everyone end up here?” Charlie asked.

Seamus gave a small smile and tilted his head over to indicate Wilco. “It was captain’s idea. Whatever fucktwat sent those pictures sent them to the team probably thinking that they’d create a rift. Or like, by sending them that they’d be saying that you and Nick are like, separate or there’s something wrong with either of you. We all figured this was the best fuck you possible to all of that. None of us fucking care if the two of you are dating. We love you guys. It’s fucked that someone thinks those pictures would change that.”

Charlie noticed a few of the other rugby lads listening in, nodding along with Seamus. He closed his eyes for a moment. “What happened after we left?”

“After I dropped you and Ames off, I went back to the stadium,” explained Seamus. “Wilco and Croft had already pulled the whole team into the film room. Captain told the team that you and Nick are still the exact same people you were twenty minutes before, and that it didn’t change anything about Nick as a player, you as a physio, or either of you as humans. He and coach said that if anyone felt differently or were going to treat you differently, they were welcome to talk to their agent and ask for a trade and Croft would work with the owners to make that happen during the off week.”

“And…did anyone?” asked Charlie.

“Just Harry,” said Lunker, scowling. “No big loss there, though. None of us want that piece of shit on the team if that’s how he feels.” There was general nodding in agreement from the rest of the team at that, a few muttered swears and disparages on Harry from around the room. 

“Listen, mate, it doesn’t change anything,” added Will, several voices chorusing in agreement with him. “No one thinks any differently of either of you.”

“Yeah, except maybe for you, Springtime,” Lucas added with a smirk. “We’ve all agreed - we think you can do better. Nelson - well, he’s probably maxed out.” Charlie smiled despite himself.

“We’re all fucking furious,” added Stig, to angry nods. “This is absolute bollocks that someone would do that. To out you guys to the team before you were ready, and try to get rumors started online, too.”

“I know the lawyers are working on getting any of those pictures scrubbed, and the post is already down,” said Wilco. “So hopefully it’ll be something back for you guys. Some semblance of being able to control your own lives and what you choose to share or not share publicly. Beyond the team, I mean.”

“That’s what they said, yeah,” echoed Charlie.

“Doesn’t make it less fucked,” added James, Charlie looking over at him. James looked inexplicably better than he had the last few weeks. Charlie hadn’t even thought about how this would have affected James - and Danny - having been too deep in the shock to even consider it. But thinking about it now, he was surprised to see that James was…okay? Maybe this was helping. Being here with the team, everyone who was still in town in Charlie’s flat, agreeing that this changed nothing for them. Maybe this was a lifeline to James - he now could see the attitudes in this group of people; that it was person first, everything else second. Charlie felt another pulse of strength go through him. As horrific as all of this is, if it could help someone like James, there’d at least be slivers of hope emerging from the wreckage. 

Just before the match started, Emma turned to Seamus, who was sitting close to her. “Is Kate coming over at all as well?”

Seamus’s face darkened a little, a scowl crossing his face. “No…she’s…that’s done.” Charlie looked up in surprise and saw several other heads flick over and eyebrows raise as well, Amy’s one of them. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” said Emma, a few of the other lads echoing in agreement, though it was far less emphatic from when they were chiming in earlier. 

Seamus snorted. “Don’t be. She, uh…she overheard me and Wilco talking on the phone last night, trying to get in touch with Nick. And the way she reacted to everything - well…I don’t need someone like that in my life. Definitely don’t want someone like that in my life.”

Lunker reached over and clapped Seamus on the shoulder, holding his gaze. “Sorry, mate. Guess it’s better to find that out now rather than later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” agreed Seamus, his tone resigned, like he’d reached the same conclusion. “Honestly, I should have seen it earlier. She’s always been a little…I don’t know, judgmental?”

Amy gave a strangled sound that she almost-convincingly turned into a cough. Charlie’s lips quirked a little. 

The conversations continued, everyone waiting for the fixture to start. People were milling around, with more food on the way. Decker had taken a page from Wilco’s book and ordered instant delivery of several inflatable pool floaties, including a unicorn one which Stig was lounging in, happily eating cheese and crackers. Charlie swept his gaze around the room and felt another wave of comfort and a measure of peace, surrounded by this determined, goofy love. He took out his phone and did a scanning quick video of the room, wanting to send it to Nick. He wanted Nick to see with his own eyes the love, support, and quiet camaraderie in the room, for him to open when he did finally turn his phone on. To see a physical representation of the support for both of them. He got up to get himself some more tea and consider a snack, feeling the sensation of hunger for the first time in nearly a day.

In the kitchen, Wilco and Amy were standing by the counter, talking to one another. They looked up as Charlie walked in, and greeted him warmly. 

Charlie wasn’t quite sure what to say, how to express all of the things he was thinking right now, but wanted to take the moment, particularly with Wilco. “I just wanted to…I wanted to thank you. Both of you. You’ve both done a lot, this whole time. And then today - this…I just - this means a lot.”

Amy moved over to take Charlie’s hand and Wilco put his own on Charlie’s shoulder and spoke. “Springtime - you are an integral part of this team. And we all wanted you to know that. Nothing’s going to fucking change that.”

“How did…how’d you know?” asked Charlie. “I feel like you’ve known for a long time.”

“I pay attention,” said Wilco simply. “And if you promise me one thing, Charlie, promise me you’ll never let Nick play poker.” Charlie smiled a little at that. “Kid can’t hide anything on his face. The way he looks at you is the way I looked at Annette. Look at Annette still. Those looks might have lasted a fraction of a second in the times that I saw them, but if you’re paying attention, you see it. It’s impossible not to. And since you’ve been together - or at least since I’ve noticed it, he’s been a different person. A fuller person, I guess I’d call it. So yeah - it was clear to me that there was something going on. And how good it is for him. For both of you, I think.”

Charlie’s throat felt tight. God, he wanted Nick to be here. To hear all of this. To be surrounded by this protective knot of people who were invested in them as people.

Wilco’s voice was gentle, though there was an undercurrent of anger in it. “I can’t pretend I know what yesterday was like for the two of you,” he said. “Having control stripped away from you like that - it’s…” He trailed off, looking pained. “I never want to see one of my kids going through that. I won’t lie, Charlie, part of me wants to hunt down the person that did that and rip them apart. But I know that won’t help you, or Nick. And what I want more than anything else is for you and Nick to feel like every person you know is in your corner. And we are. We’ll do anything it takes for you two to have your lives, be able to live them as loudly or privately as you want. I know the team lawyers are working on all of that, too, from a logistical standpoint, but I wanted you to hear it from me, on behalf of the team. Whatever you two choose to share or not share is your business, but none of us will stand for any shit about it, or tolerate any prying. You’re the same as you’ve always been. Nothing’s going to change that.”

Charlie took a long, shaky breath. For whatever Stéphane was, whatever failure of a father he might be (and Charlie still didn’t know all the details), he was so grateful that Wilco was in Nick’s life. Someone quietly and fiercely protective, who’d work as hard as he could to create the space for them to fully live their lives. 

“Thank you,” said Charlie quietly. “I wish…I wish Nick was seeing all of this. Hearing all of it.”

“He will,” said Wilco. “We’re going to yell our love at that buffoon as loudly as we need to for him to get it.” He sobered a little. “But I also get it - the fear yesterday. Not knowing how we’d react, not knowing if he’d be rejected…that’s…” Wilco’s jaw worked, and it looked like he was pushing back emotion. “No kid should go through that. Wondering if he’d still be accepted. Loved” He cleared his throat. “So we’re all going to love him as loud as we can. Our stadium and team is a safe place, and it’s going to continue to be.” He looked at Charlie. “I hope you know that, too.”

Charlie nodded, not trusting himself to talk. He gently released Amy’s hand and embraced Wilco. “Thanks, Wilco.”

Wilco hugged him back. “Literally always, Springtime.” They released one another and both stood blinking for a moment. “Now - shall we watch a match?”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. “Let’s see our guy win.”

As the game was only an exhibition match, they had to stream the coverage and the camera angles were limited. The viewpoint was nearly all birds-eye view from high cameras inside the stadium, where you could see the whole field but not get a glimpse of any player particularly well. The organizers had done a good job of filling the stands, providing red and blue scarves to “assign” fans to each of the sides. Nick was on red, and seemed to play well, though Charlie could see even from the high camera how little he interacted with the other players on his team. It was almost automatic, everything he did during the fixture. Practiced moves, everything coordinated and with excellent form, but no passion in his play. It was amazing that Charlie could see that in his body by just the way he moved, but he could. He could even just feel how Nick shoved it all down to play the game he loved, the same dance he’d likely been going through for years, just made far more stark this time. Be good at rugby. Don’t reveal anything. Be an image.

Danny, on the other hand, played brilliantly for the blue team, and Charlie glanced over a few times to see James’s chin resting on his hands, watching the play intently and grinning every time Danny handled the ball. Charlie wanted to talk more to James, who seemed entirely different today, like his whole body was lighter. It was hard, though, with nearly thirty people shoved into his flat, the windows thrown open to accommodate all of the heat from the unprecedented number of visitors. At one athletic play from Danny, Decker leaned over to James and pointed to the screen, clearly impressed. Charlie caught sight of James’s face, nodding and smiling in - pride? It was hard to tell.

Everyone stayed after the match for the media coverage of the fundraising event afterwards, the team all missing Nick, though none as acutely as Charlie. The amount of money poured into this event was bonkers, with an actual red carpet, players arriving in limousines and being interviewed by reporters as they worked their way down to the fundraising dinner thrown by the hopeful would-be team owners. 

The coverage was again limited as this was really more of a regional event, but this time, there were camera close-ups as the players worked the red carpet. There were a series of shots of players exiting their cars as they arrived, and the boys all whooped as Danny got out of his car, looking truly amazing in a deep emerald tuxedo that made his eyes glow. Charlie snuck another look at James and caught his eye, James blushing a little when he realized Charlie had seen the smirk on his face. The team would variably exclaim as other players appeared, friends from other teams that they had played with or grown up with, peppering the commentary with stories and hilarious anecdotes. Fitzy pointed to one of the players, looking debonair and dashing in his tuxedo. Everyone was in tears of laughter when he described that they went out drinking one night when they were younger, and the respectable player they saw in a suit found fistfuls of money on the ground on their walk home, stuffing his pockets gleefully. Only to find when they awoke and sobered up that the “money” was actually…leaves.

They were all still chortling about that when Nick’s car arrived. Everyone winced a little and there were some concerned mutterings when Nick exited his vehicle, looking exhausted beyond all belief. His eyes looked haunted and the circles under them were pronounced. He was still handsome as anything, but he looked world-weary, like the world had eaten him alive but pushed him back out again for another go round. 

Nick was answering an interview question when he brushed back his hair in the too-familiar way that made Charlie physically hurt again, he missed him so much. As he did, his jacket sleeve slipped upwards to reveal the bracelet that Charlie gave him, the yellow and blue both like a punch and a hug at the same time. He lowered his hand after fixing his hair, his other hand reaching over to caress his wrist for a moment, thumbing over the bracelet before inserting his hands back in his pockets to answer another question about the transformative power of sport to shape the spirit of a community.

Seamus cocked his head at the screen for a minute, his eyes fixed on Nick’s wrist. Then he pointed at Charlie, then back at the screen, then back at Charlie, his mouth gaping and eyes wide. “I - you - bracelet! You gave Nick the bracelet!”

Amy patted him on the shoulder. “We knew you’d get there eventually, babe.” Seamus grinned at her, a little embarrassed, and shot an apologetic look at Charlie. 

There was an outburst of laughter, and even Charlie joined in, feeling even just fractionally lighter, surrounded by these people. He knew it would be a long road to feeling safe again, to not feeling flayed alive by this exposure. And it wouldn’t get easier at all until Nick was back. Tomorrow afternoon. Nick would be back tomorrow. He was so desperate to hear his voice, see his face, even smell his scent, that mix that was so unmistakably Nick. He watched the interviews, desperately wishing he knew what Nick was feeling and thinking.

* - * - * - * - * - *

Nick was thinking that this red carpet would never be over. He was exhausted. He was literally counting the hours - an hour at the cocktail reception. Three hours at the dinner. Back to the hotel to hide for another twelve hours, not sleeping. Travel for another four hours. Then Charlie. First, before anything, Charlie. God, all he wanted was Charlie. 

“Hey, Badgers teammates!” called one photographer. “Can you two stand together so we can get a few pictures?”

Danny moved over next to Nick, the two of them standing shoulder to shoulder for a series of flashes. Nick felt his breath speed up; he’d been avoiding Danny, hadn’t returned any of the calls or read the messages he’d sent before switching off his phone. It had been relatively easy; Danny had played for the other team and they’d been largely separated throughout the day. Nick tried to school his face into his regular press-shoot expression. Hands in pockets, widened stance. Smile, not too big. He knew it wasn’t reaching his eyes. The photographer signaled that she was done and thanked the two of them, Nick trying to move away to another part of the carpet. Danny caught his forearm before he could edge away too far.

“We need to talk, Nick.” Danny’s face was kind, but more serious than Nick had seen it often before. 

“Uh, yeah,” said Nick, his mouth feeling too dry. “When?”

“I talked to your agent,” said Danny. “She said if we make it to the cocktail hour, she can make an excuse for us for the dinner. Meet in your room in an hour - say half six?”

“Okay,” said Nick, his heart racing. He gave Danny his room number and they split off to go in for the cocktail hour, Nick downing two, probably too quickly, trying to ease his nerves. 

True to her word, Tara came over during the reception, pulling Nick away from another conversation he didn’t want to be part of to tell him that he was needed for a moment. She guided him out of the hall. 

“You all right, Nick?”

“Yeah,” said Nick. “Just going to talk to Danny.”

“I know,” said Tara gently. “Why don’t you head on up then, yeah?” She pressed an envelope into his hands. “Check this when you’re done talking, okay?”

“Sure,” said Nick automatically, taking it and putting it in his pocket. He got in the elevator of the hotel, fortunately in the same luxury building as the reception hall. He took the elevator up and walked down the hallway to his room. He went inside and closed the door, leaning against the wall for the moment. This was his first moment with anyone on the team after yesterday, which felt like it was both three weeks ago and three minutes ago. He had no idea what to expect. He tried to do what Charlie had told him, breathing in, holding it, breathing out slowly. He wanted so badly to turn on his phone and call Charlie, FaceTime him even, but the nerves of turning it back on to see hateful or disgusted messages from any of the team seemed too daunting to consider. He knew he was going to call him from Tara’s phone, and he held onto the anchor of that thought to keep him moored as he waited for Danny.

A knock on the door interrupted his spiraling, and Nick opened the door. Danny was there, still in his suit like Nick. 

“Uh…come in, yeah,” said Nick. He stood aside for Danny to come in and waited as Danny sat down on the edge of the bed, eventually seating himself on the far edge. It felt easier to not look at Danny, safer. 

Danny looked at Nick, his trademark grin not there. “I’m…I’m almost a little mad at you, Nelson,” and Nick’s stomach squeezed. Danny continued. “I shouldn’t be. Not at all. But you leaving yesterday and leaving Charlie there. It - fuck. It made me think…” He closed his eyes and tilted his face towards the ceiling, his shoulders rising and falling in a huge breath. “It made me think of when I left James.”

Nick looked at Danny, perplexed. James? “What…what d’you mean?” he asked, not sure what Danny was getting at.

Danny heaved another sigh and rubbed his hands over his face. “Nick…” he said, turning his head to look Nick in the eye. “Me and James, we…in uni. James and I went to uni together, you know?” Nick knew. He nodded. “In Aus, not everyone lives in a resi hall like I know a lot of you do here, but our rugby team insisted on it, made sure we were all in one of the residence halls. Way to get to know the boys, you know? We came in as first years together and got paired up for our block, along with two other blokes from the team. James and I shared a room, and the other two shared their own.”

Nick nodded, wanting Danny to go on.

“And mate, that first year was sick. We got on right away, just best mates right away. Played footy, went to classes together, parties, all that. But then, like…” He trailed off again, looking at Nick. “I don’t remember exactly when it started. But we’d get drunk, proper pissed, and then we’d end up in each other’s beds. I dunno whose idea it was the first time, but it happened a few times at the end of our freshers year. And every time we’d go out, I’d want to get plastered and have him get plastered so maybe it would happen again. But also knowing…knowing that wasn’t how I wanted it. Just only being together when we were totally legless. I wanted more than that - I thought about him all the time. I didn’t want it to be this thing that just happened, sometimes, when our inhibitions were…” He looked down at his hands again. “Then the months between first and second years, we both went off for development teams, and it fucking sucked, mate. It sucked to be away from him. It made me realize how much more it was for me than just a drunken fumble. It was…fuck, I cared about him so much.”

Nick was barely breathing as Danny spoke. Danny and James - were they gay? Bi? Was it just some uni experimentation? He listened, focusing hard, as Danny went on. 

“Then we both get back after the first year, and I tried to talk to him about it - but there’s nothing doing, mate, he won’t talk about it. And that whole start of the second year - it was a fucking nightmare. I was playing my best rugby, but every night, not knowing what was going to happen - if one of us was going to get derro enough to hook up, but not too much that we couldn’t. And fuck, seeing him at parties. We’d go between being best mates to arguing about fucking nothing. He’d see me talking to a girl or I’d see him and…It was so fucking hard, Nick. I tried…that year I tried more to talk to him about it. Even when we were in bed, after…I’d try to ask something, but didn’t know the words to say - was too scared to even ask about anything directly.”

Nick tried to speak, cleared his throat, tried again. “Fuck, Danny…I had no idea.”

Danny shrugged. “No one did. Because we kept it hidden, even from like - each other. Ourselves. And that was fucking awful. And then at the end of the season in our second year, I get a call from my agent that I’m getting drafted. The fucking dream, right? So there’s this huge team party and it’s amazing. I’m going to this league and I should be riding that wave, right? It’s brilliant. It’s everything I ever wanted. But it’s also…it means I’m leaving. Leaving Aus, my family - and James. And not knowing how he felt…Or like, what he thought. And I tried to talk to him, I swear I did. And then there was that team party, the night before I left to come up here for team training. Everyone going mad, huge celebration. And then it was morning - we stayed up. I kept hoping that everyone would go to bed so I could talk to James…and everyone just raged. And I had to get on the bus.” Danny was breathing harder now, seemingly fighting down some emotions. “And I did. And I could have - he was standing there. But everyone else was, too. I could have gone to him. And I didn’t.” He looked at Nick, his eyebrows furrowed. “I could have been brave. But I wasn’t.” Nick sucked in a breath, a gut punch. Danny hurried on. “And like, I’m not saying that about you. That was totally different. I think any of us would have been toey too in a situation like that. We’ve all been in locker rooms where shit would have hit the fan. I get it. But still, mate - brought me back.”

“Fuck,” said Nick. “I know...I know those locker rooms. And I’m…sorry.”

“I mean, I’m sorry, Nick,” said Danny. “That is seriously fucked that happened. You never should have been put in that situation. But you need to know - everyone’s been trying to call you for the past day. Captain, coaches - all of us.” He looked at Nick again. “Seamus and Wilco called a meeting yesterday. “Seamus…he took Amy and Charlie home right after you went to the car.” Nick felt a stab in his gut. “And as soon as they were out of the room, Wilco told everyone to get to the film room. Now. And we all just waited in there for Seamus to get back. All the conversations, mate - everyone was just worried. No one was bullshit. And once it started, Wilco just said that nothing was different, as long as that email didn’t come from anyone on the team. He said that if anyone was going to treat either of you any different, they could get fucked.” 

Nick almost smiled. “He actually said that?”

“Well, not in those words, you know captain. Always a little bit more posh than us dickwits, yeah?” He smiled at Nick. “But yeah, he said anyone who was going to be a shit could ask for a trade, and Croft piped up, agreeing and saying he’d start the conversations and trade paperwork the same day.”

Nick was a little staggered. He had hoped - he had clung to hope against hope that his team, this team, might react like this. But hearing it - it was like a wave of relief dousing his body, rinsing out of some of the hot, constricting terror that had seized him since yesterday afternoon. “Did anyone?”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Just one. And you could probably take a fucking guess, mate.”

“Harry?”

“Right in one,” Danny confirmed. “If that fucker’s brains were vegetables he couldn’t make a salad for an ant.”

Nick snorted, then grew serious again. “But - everyone else…?”

Danny put a hand on Nick’s shoulder, and Nick didn’t flinch away. “We all talked about it. Every one of us feels the same way. Fucking livid at what happened, and…the same, otherwise. You’re one of our captains, mate. Charlie’s our physio. Both of you are fucking gems of men. And even all the straights felt the same way,” he added with a grin.

Some of the more imminent terror washed out of Nick’s body, he thought more about what Danny had just told him. “Fuck, what about James? And you? I bet…I can only imagine what that brought up for you two. Are you right? After what happened yesterday”

Danny nodded, closing his eyes for a minute and smiling softly. “Yeah, mate.” He opened his eyes and looked at Nick again. “For as fucked as that was yesterday…it was a fucking shock, right? To you and Charlie, I know, and to the team too, yeah. But also, for me - and for James. But Nick - I had no fucking idea that there was anyone like me. Us - me and James. Or if they were, if there’d ever be anything out about it. And I know you didn’t come out - you didn’t have that choice, like you fucking should have. But just the shock - just seeing you and Charlie. It…we finally talked. Me and James.”

Nick’s throat was thick, hearing Danny talk. “You did?”

“Yeah,” said Danny, with that same soft look on his face. “We - after we all left the meeting, I went back home to get my bag and try to get my head fucking right before I left. And I just kept thinking of James, thinking of when I left him, thinking of how much I’ve wanted to kiss him every second this season. And I called him, and he actually answered…and he was fucking on my street, mate, coming to my place. I think it…shocked both of us into talking. Knowing that there were more like us, knowing how the team reacted, knowing that life is short. And we talked. For the first time. And…we-”

Danny trailed off again, seemingly lost in a reverie. Nick interrupted him, trying to understand without prying too much. “What about…Siobhan?”

Danny smiled fondly. “Siobhan. I actually did ask her out on a date, wanted to try to finally start moving on. Or even seeing if that was possible. There was just…nothing from James. No hope, even though I knew he still felt the same way as I did. I met her a few months ago and asked her out, and we went on two dates before she said, ‘Okay, idiot, who are you in love with?’” Danny laughed at the memory. “And…I ended up telling her. Not right away, but piece by piece. She’s turned into one of my best friends. And she’s been a great support.”

Nick nodded. It was like Amy for Charlie. Charlie. He kept thinking of that man, his perfect man. God, he ached with the wanting inside him to see Charlie. To hold him. “So you’re - are you gay? Bi?” He hurried to add, “I ask because…well, I know it’s none of my business. But I’m bi.”

“Pan,” said Danny easily. “That’s one of the things I figured out since uni.” He half-smiled to himself and sniffed out a little laugh. “It’s the person for me, not the gender. Though sometimes it feels like I’m James-sexual more than anything. That fucker…” He smiled at Nick fondly. “I’m mad for him.”

“Are you two - okay now? After you talked?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, more than right,” said Danny. “We finally - we finally told each other how we feel. And he - I got to hold him for the first time in 5 years, Nick.” Nick saw tears in Danny’s eyes and reached over to squeeze his shoulder. “And fucking - and kiss him, sober, for the first time ever. Do you know how fucking magical that is?”

Nick laughed through his emotions. “Yeah,” he said, thinking of Charlie, of every quiet moment of the two of them together. “I do”. 

Danny took a breath, settling himself again. “And we’re…we’re finally going to try it. Try being together - not publicly, yet, but we’ll let the team know. We have to figure it out for ourselves first before we come out publicly as anything. And I don’t know if that would have happened if not for you and Charlie. I mean, not this way, though - it never should have happened this way.”

Nick nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I know. God, if I had known about you and James, I wonder…I wonder if any of this would have been different. Maybe I would’ve been ready before. Or who knows, maybe not, too. But knowing that I’m not - we’re not alone. That’s…that helps.”

“Deadset,” said Danny. “And know that the boys, all the lads - we’re all here for you and Charlie. Y’know the whole team crashed his flat today to watch the match?”

Nick looked up at Danny in wonder. “Seriously?”

“Yep. I think nearly every starter and quite a few of the practice squad and reserves went over. A little ‘fuck you’ to the shit from yesterday.” Danny paused and sighed. I’m not going to minimize any of the fuckery from yesterday,” he said. “But what I do know…I know the team is going to fight to keep everything internal. You had something taken away from you yesterday that you never should have. That I won’t fucking take for granted. But you - you still have some choice here. If you want to come out beyond the team. Even just to your mum or whatever if you haven’t yet. If you wanted to go public too, maybe. Just…with Charlie. Together.” Nick nodded, looking down, not feeling ready to meet Danny’s eye. “Hey, mate - that’s not a dig. It’s just a reminder. You’re a fucking beast on your own, but you’ve got him, too. You two can face everything together. However you decide to do it.”

Nick looked up, blinking away a few tears, avoiding Danny’s gaze. He took a minute to compose himself. “You’re right. I should probably…I’m going to turn my phone back on. Going to call Charlie.” He thought for a moment about what Danny said - how even knowing he and Charlie were together, no matter the shitty situation, sparking movement between him and James. He wanted to think more about that tonight and on the way home. To think more about what Danny said, what control he and Charlie could assert in living their lives how they goddamn wanted.

Danny nodded. “Yeah, you can do that for sure. But you can also look at what I think your agent gave you, as well. She and I chatted right after the match, and she agreed that getting you back to your boy as soon as possible was the best thing. Your flight leaves in 45, car is downstairs. You’ll be at his place before midnight.” He smiled at Nick’s shocked expression, his trembling fingers opening the envelope and scanning the flight details, on a small chartered plane on which he had no idea how Tara got him a seat. “I’m headed back to my room to go talk to my man. You do the same, Nelson.”

* - * - * - * - * - *

Charlie was alone in his flat, having convinced Amy and Elle and everyone else that he was fine, he was okay staying alone that night. He was feeling so much better - something had changed within him the last 24 hours. He was re-learning his own strength, and was also learning how his strength was supported by his community. By his rainbow group, his family, the team. And Nick. Once Nick was back, they’d heal together. They’d face this together. 

Charlie paced around his flat, shutting the windows against the heavy rain that had started a few minutes ago. His flat was finally cooling down, most players and their significant others leaving around nine, Amy and Elle and all of them finally departing around 11 with insistence that Charlie call them literally any time of the night. James had hugged Charlie before he left, telling him that he wanted to talk soon, but had to go, as he was catching a ride with Stig. Charlie set a reminder on his phone to call James the next day, see if he wanted to meet for coffee to catch up, maybe before Nick got back. 

Charlie couldn’t wait to see his boy, his tender, sweet, fragile, strong man. It had been a shit 36 hours, and while Charlie felt immeasurably improved, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fully settle into his skin until he talked to Nick. Held him. Loved him. He knew that he’d be calling in a bit, after the dinner like they had discussed before. But after that - as bone-tired as Charlie was, he wondered if he’d be able to even fall asleep later. To pass the time before Nick called, Charlie settled on the couch to read one of his dog-eared favorites - Maybe You Should Talk To Someone, a therapist’s view on therapy. It was funny and insightful and a good reminder of the tools he already had in his person to come against the hardest parts of life. 

Charlie had settled onto the couch and was finding himself drifting off when he heard a knock at the door. He slowly stood and stretched, figuring it was Amy or Elle, insistent on checking in on him, the time nearly midnight now. Charlie yawned and made his way over to the door, ready to chase off whichever well-intentioned one of them that it was. Charlie opened the door to see…

Nick.

Nick, soaking wet, his hair on his face, looking at Charlie like he’d never seen something so perfect in the world. Standing there, waiting for him.

Nick was home.

Chapter Text

“Um... I'm sorry for not texting you before I came over. Uh... I just wanted to talk in person.” Charlie recognized that Nick was talking, distantly understood that words were coming out of his mouth and vaguely understood what they were. But they almost didn’t matter. Nick was here. Nick was here. Charlie felt an odd combination of wanting to grab him and hold him forever, tempered by a weird shyness from the upheaval of the last few days. 

Charlie took in the sight of Nick more completely. He was soaked - even on the sprint over from where his car must have dropped off to the front door he had gotten drenched. Charlie tried to speak and nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Did you - forget a coat?”

Nick looked down at himself, seeming to realize how wet he was for the first time. “Oh - yeah,” he said, with an endearingly puzzled look. “I didn’t check the weather when I got off the plane and didn’t go home or anything.”

“Idiot,” Charlie said fondly, automatically. 

Nick gave a tentative half-smile. “Danny actually has my bags and suit and stuff and is going to bring it all back, I left it all in the room to make the flight. These joggers and jacket and everything is actually his…”

Charlie cut him off, pulling him into his flat with the bunched-up front of his soaked jumper. “C’mere,” he said, shifting his hand to take Nick’s and pulling him towards his bedroom, through the now-pristine living room (thanks to the combined cleaning prowess of Elle and Isaac). Charlie could feel Nick’s eyes on him as he led Nick to the room and went into his closet, pulling out dry clothes for Nick. Yes, they might theoretically have been Nick’s clothes that Charlie had annexed, but that was the price Nick would have to pay for smelling so good and infusing his clothes with his aura. It was his own fault. Charlie went to hand the clothes to Nick, who took them absently, and then immediately placed them on the bed. He took Charlie’s hands in both of his, holding them gently, his thumb stroking over Charlie’s index finger. 

“Charlie,” said Nick, his eyes locked, huge, misty. He looked at Charlie, and Charlie felt like he could see Nick’s whole heart. 

And the dam broke. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” repeated Nick, tears brimming in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I ran away yesterday. I was terrified and confused and, like, honestly, I was having a proper, full-on bi crisis.” Charlie couldn’t help but smile even a tiny bit at that, despite the moment. “It’s not that I wanted to run away from you. I just…I was just so scared. I’ve just been so, so scared.” The tears were actually spilling out of Nick’s eyes now, and Charlie pulled him over to the bed, sitting close to his side. Charlie reached up and smoothed a lock of Nick’s wet hair off of his forehead, never taking his eyes off his face. Nick closed his eyes and leaned his head towards Charlie’s touch, exhaling a shaky sigh. He looked up again at Charlie, met his eyes. Charlie pulled Nick in, mindless that he was dripping on his duvet. Nick buried himself in Charlie’s shoulder, and Charlie wrapped himself around Nick, curling his body protectively around him, gripping the back of his jumper like he’d never let go. Charlie never wanted to let go. He felt Nick’s breath hitch at first as he tried to control his breathing and collect himself, and Charlie whispered. It’s okay, baby. Let it out. I’m here. He could feel the moment that Nick gave in, let the overwhelming everything-ness of the last few days release. He shuddered against Charlie’s chest, properly crying. Charlie held him and finally let his own grief, anger and fear out, the sobs punching out of him. And took in the relief, too. That the team were all who they were. That Nick was here. That it was the two of them. That they were going to face whatever came next together.

After a few minutes, Nick gave a deep sigh. He lifted his head and gazed at Charlie, grazing his hand along Charlie’s cheekbone, softly wiping the tears away. “I need you to know that my life is way better because I met you. I - this all made me realize. I don’t care about the rumors that might happen. Or if us being together makes people who don’t matter upset. It's all worth it to be with you. You are the kindest, most thoughtful and caring and amazing person in the whole world. I love you, Charlie Spring.”

The pieces of Charlie were mending, slowly being drawn back together from where they shattered two days ago. None of it would be instantaneous. It would take time. And there was still so much more to do, no matter how they decided to move forward next. But Charlie had his friends, had the team. And had Nick. Nick, who made mistakes. Nick, who came back. Nick, who was always trying to do better, even just an inch better, every day. “I love you too, Nick,” whispered Charlie. “I love you.”

And then Nick kissed Charlie, and it was like the first time, Charlie’s stomach seizing with butterflies. Nick kissed him, held him, murmured against his hair. Told Charlie how important he was, how he made Nick’s life and the world better, just by being in them. They stayed that way for a long time, whispering everything and nothing, telling each other how in love they were, like neither of them could still even believe it.

And they talked. They talked for two hours, holding each other on the bed, cuddled close together. Charlie told Nick about Amy and Elle coming over, how they both stayed the night after everything happened. He told Nick about the entire team coming over, alone and in pairs, and the things they brought, both physical and emotional. Nick grinned as Charlie told him about the end of the evening, when Decker and Stig introduced a game where they filled their mouths with water and took turns using their non-dominant hand to whap each other with the pool floaties, the slap rendered impotent from the awkward hold and the non-aerodynamic plastic. The winner was the one who kept from laughing and spitting out their water longer, the loser mopping up the kitchen floor after each round. Charlie listened as Nick described the flight, meeting, awful first night, and match from his perspective, empathizing and gripping each others’ hands as they recalled the hardest moments, interspersed with the moments of love and hope and acceptance.

Then they were here. And Nick was here, back early. Charlie wanted to know more about what happened, what shifted Nick. “How’d you - you seem so much better. How did you…get there? Did you finally talk to someone on the team?”

“Yeah,” said Nick. “Danny…he talked some sense into me. He told me about the team coming over to your place, and that no one thought any differently. He also - he helped me see that coming out could actually impact other people. Like…who knows, maybe impact other people. Kids, adults, guys in the league.” Nick looked like he wanted to say more, but gave a minute shake of his head, as if to himself. “I thought about it a lot on the plane.”

“Thought about what?” asked Charlie. 

“Us, mostly,” said Nick, stroking Charlie’s hair. “But also…the idea of saying fuck it. Coming out. Starting with the people that matter, and then just…living our lives.” He looked at Charlie seriously. “But only if you wanted that, too. If you were ready for that.” 

Charlie considered for a moment. “I’d be ready, Nick. I- I am ready. It’s a little different for me - my family knows that I’m gay. And I’m less…high profile than you. But yeah, it’s something that we’d do together. And I’m ready to do that. Take back control of our lives. Because it’s our lives. No one else should be able to dictate the terms of that.”

Nick closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. “I - we never should have had to make this decision so quickly. And even now, I know that there’s still, like, this pressure behind it. Yeah, the team lawyers had the post removed and have filters running to see if those pictures get re-posted…but anyone could have screenshotted it. Or like, I don’t know, they could be using some random browser, or something encoded or some shit. Someone might be uploading it to Twitter now, or whatever. I want to…I want to own this. Own our own lives. And who knows…maybe help some other people, too.”

“Yes,” said Charlie. “I’m on board, baby.” He paused, reaching up to stroke Nick’s cheek, a little overgrown with light stubble. “But you also know…I also need to know that you know that we’re not responsible to do that. We don’t owe anyone our coming out, even to help other people.”

“I know that, yeah,” said Nick, his eyes closed against Charlie’s hand. “And you’re right. But this…we’re making it a choice. We’d be choosing to come out, choosing to do so for ourselves. And that choice, our choice, might help some other people, too.”

Charlie felt warmer and more at peace that he had in a long time. “Yes,” he said, pushing himself up to kiss Nick. ‘“It’s our choice. Us.” He felt his eyelids starting to sag, the rush of the last few days finally catching up to him, now that the adrenaline was easing out of his body. 

Nick’s voice was soft, his hand gently caressing the back of Charlie’s head as he drifted. “Tara sent me a song I listened to on the plane, over and over. Can I play it for us?”

Charlie murmured in assent, and went to sleep with the words washing over him, Nick holding him from behind, and their future before them. 

Shine a light, don't shy away

You've got more - more than it takes

You know, you know

Shine a light, don't hide away

You've got more, more than you say

You know oh oh oh oh oh

Put your hands in mine

We're in this together

In this together

Charlie distantly heard Nick in his ear as he drifted off to sleep, Nick’s voice gentle and loving. “No one’s gonna make us hide away, Char.”

-

The next morning, Charlie woke up feeling immeasurably better. Nick was out cold, his mouth slightly open. Charlie smiled at the disheveled lump of man that held his whole heart. Nick had mentioned that he hadn’t slept at all the previous night, and Charlie wanted him to sleep for as long as he needed. He eased himself away from Nick’s lingering arm much easier than he normally could have and looked at his phone. It took him a moment to scroll through the messages from the team group chat, his rainbow group, individual chats with Amy, Elle, Tao, members of the team. At some point during the night, someone in the team chat had started some joke about “cat facts” and Charlie breezed through tens of messages that started with actual cat facts (“Did you know cats don’t meow for other cats, just humans?”) and then devolving into clearly facetious ones (“The movie ‘Cats’ used only feline CGI artists and that’s why it looked so bad - because they don’t have the opposable digits needed for advanced cinematography techniques.”). He also had a message from James, asking him if he was free for coffee, offering to meet at a place a block from Charlie’s flat. 

Charlie sent back a confirmatory message, planning to meet up with James in just over thirty minutes. He wrote a quick note to Nick in case he woke up before he returned, as well as messaged his phone to let him know where he was going and what time he expected to be back. He genuinely hoped (and honestly expected) that Nick would still be asleep when he got home; it was only 9:30 now and he knew that Nick was beyond exhausted. 

-

Charlie walked to the coffee shop that James had suggested and took off his sunglasses in the dimmer light to try to find him. James rose from the table where he had been sitting and called him over, giving him a friendly hug before they both sat down. He pushed a coffee towards Charlie and Charlie raised an eyebrow. 

“Sorry,” James said with a laugh. “I wanted to get you something ahead of time since I can’t stay long. I feel like I’ve seen you drink coffee, yeah? With just cream, no sugar?”

“Wow, good memory,” said Charlie. He took the cup from James and thanked him.

“Eh, I take it the same, so it was easy to remember,” said James. He looked relaxed, calm, happy - his energy vastly different from where it had been for the last few weeks. Charlie was honestly a little surprised - he had been distantly worried about James in the aftermath of everything, though he hadn’t had the emotional capacity to think about it in depth or reach out.

“I’m glad you messaged,” said Charlie. “I wanted to talk to you about - well, check in. With - everything.”

James gave a half-smile. “I’m the one who should be checking on you. That was…” He looked away, shaking his head silently. “That was horrible, Charlie. I can’t imagine how you and Nick felt.” He looked down at his hands. “Well, I guess I sort of can. It was the exact thing I had been terrified of, so in a way, I guess I imagined it so many times. But you guys actually went through it. That…I’m so sorry, Charlie.”

Charlie nodded and looked at his coffee for a moment. “Me too. I can’t believe…well, I still don’t fully believe that it happened.” He took a breath. “But…the team. All of you coming over yesterday afternoon - and hearing about the meeting that Wilco and coach and Seamus and everyone had. That…I don’t think I can tell you how much that meant. That everyone cares - enough to not care? If that makes sense? Like, that Nick and I dating is just…a footnote to them. Not some big thing that makes everything different. That’s how it should be, but isn’t always the case.”

“Yes,” said James. “Completely.” He looked at Charlie. “Are you doing okay? I know Nick came back early…are you two right?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie, feeling his face soften as he thought of Nick. “Although - how’d you know he was back? He literally just showed up at my place like 9 hours ago and I don’t think has touched his phone since he’s been here.”

“Danny told me,” said James, a small smile playing at his lips like he wasn’t able to keep it off his face, saying Danny’s name. 

“Danny told you,” Charlie repeated. “Did you two talk…while he was in France?”

James slowly rotated his coffee cup in his hands. “We - yeah.” He stopped spinning the cup and looked directly at Charlie. “We talked, Charlie. We talked. Like…for the first time ever.” He looked up at the ceiling for a minute, and then back at Charlie. “After - after that happened in the locker room, Wilco hauled us all to the film room. You know the stadium seats in there? How close they are?” Charlie nodded. “I sat down, and I was proper freaking out. Like - I know it happened to you guys, not me, but I was so terrified, Charlie. Terrified for you two, and then like, selfishly, for myself too. I was about to find out what happens to gay players in this league, see if their teams turned on them. And Danny came in, saw me, sat next to me. I wanted to fucking run - sit anywhere else. But there were guys on either side…I couldn’t - I couldn’t run. And every minute that went by where we waited for Seamus to get back…I just - it was brutal. I know it was so much worse for you; I’m not trying to pretend that it wasn’t. And I can feel Danny next to me, feel his shoulder next to mine. All I wanted was for him to, I don’t know, like…hold my hand? Put his arm round me? Tell me it would be okay?” He looked down, and Charlie could see his foot bouncing again under the table, like it was that day in the PT room. Clearly even saying those words out loud was still hard for James.

“But also…I was terrified of that, too,” continued James. “I wanted him with me so badly, but was so afraid of him touching me. It was like…the last seven years all pressed into those 20 minutes. All of the wanting but all of the fear of actually having it. And then - then Seamus came back, and Wilco and coach started the meeting. Charlie, I wish you had fucking been there. It was brilliant. There wasn’t even a question - and I don’t know how Seamus and Wilco and coach coordinated it, or if they did. But all three said the same thing - you two were part of our team, our team was the same, and our team would stay the same. Nothing was different. Anyone not on board with that was the outsider - not you two. Or me,” he said softly. “Or Danny.” He looked at Charlie, seeming like he was searching if it was okay to keep going, maybe like he was worried that he was making this about him. Charlie nodded and tried to encourage James to go on with a lift of his eyebrows and a curious expression. It seemed to work.

“So this is all happening, and Danny’s there next to me, and I just want to lean into him. Put my - fucking put my head on his shoulder or something. The meeting ends and everyone is all talking about the same things - fuck whoever did this, we’re all going to Charlie’s tomorrow, let’s call Nick, all that. And I’m - I’m feeling like a fucking thousand things at once.” James was speaking a little faster, a little more animated. “And everyone gets up, and I just - I bolt. I want to be alone and sit with this, consider the fact that the team didn’t blow up. That everyone supported you two. Think about what that could mean for…me. And Danny.” Charlie could see his face ease again, even slightly, as he said Danny’s name. “So I get in my car, start to drive home. But then I’m like, what the fuck am I doing? I…I literally just saw this team and how we take care of each other. Everything I’ve been terrified of…it didn’t seem as terrifying all of the sudden. It actually - it hit me that the most terrifying thing would be going my whole life never feeling about anyone the way I feel about - him. About Danny.”

Charlie could only listen, his heart aching in his chest. He could feel all of the emotions that James was describing, the fear and the relief and the desperate, desperate want for the person he loved. 

“So, I drive to his place,” said James. “And I’m on his block. I park the car, and then my phone rings. And it’s Danny. He - he starts talking and I start talking and I finally interrupt him and tell him I’m at his door. And then he opened the door and,” James smiled at the memory from just two days before, “he’s still even holding his phone in his hand, up to his ear. And we just look at each other for a second - and then…” He drifts off, a smile seeming to pull the corner of his mouth up irresistibly. “Charlie - we talked. We talked about it all. We - we’re going to actually let ourselves try. Actually - be together. And we…we’re going to tell the team, too.” 

Charlie thought his chest might burst. He shook his head wonderingly and looked at James. “James - god. I am so…I am so fucking happy for you. And Danny. And so - I don’t know; I don’t know what the right word is. You…you chose to talk to him. And be with him. And like, face all of this. I’m…I’m proud of you.”

James beamed, but then sobered. “And, but - well, yeah. Thanks, Charlie. But also, like - we don’t want to come out quite yet. Publicly. And that makes me feel a little shitty. Like, if you and Nick come out - you almost, like, paved the way for us. And if you guys did come out, us coming out too could make it easier on you,” he said, his face serious and slightly ashamed. “But we’re not - we’d never even kissed sober before two days ago. We don’t even…know what we are yet.” He looked at Charlie, his eyes almost pleading, wanting Charlie to understand and approve.

“James,” Charlie said, with all the care and seriousness he could. “I don’t…I think maybe there are two kinds of people in the world. People who go through shit and think everyone else needs to go through just as hard shit as they did, and people who go through shit and don’t ever want anyone else to have to experience the same thing. I…Nick and I are definitely in that second group.” James huffed out a little laugh and nodded. “I’d never want you guys to go through anything before you were ready. And honestly…you suffered enough, yeah? Don’t choose any more suffering than you need to. You deserve to be happy.” He looked at James, who was smiling, though it trembled a little.

“Thanks, Charlie.” He sat for a minute, nodding, then cleared his throat. “Yeah. No more choosing suffering. Not when I can choose something that makes me happy. And god - he makes me so happy. It just…took me a while to let him. For us to both let ourselves.” James glanced at his watch. “Shit, I need to get going.”

“Got someone to see?” Charlie asked, with a cheeky smile.

“Fuck yes I do,” said James promptly, a grin crossing his face. “My man is landing soon and I need to pick him up from the airport. He and I have…we have a lot of time to make up for.” Charlie smirked and James blushed. “Not like - oh, whatever, Springtime.” He laughed. “Oh - by the way…Nick knows about all of this. About me and Danny, about us trying - us being together.”

“He does?!” yelped Charlie, a little louder than he meant to.

“Yeah,” said James, laughing at Charlie’s indignant expression. “Danny told him last night - told him all about when he left Aus for England. And how he left - me. I think that night - it brought Danny back, too. I think he gave Nick a little scolding for leaving you, then told him how much he loved him.” Charlie smiled at that. “Don’t give him shit for not telling you, I don’t think Danny knew that you knew anything, so he was probably just being careful not to spread anything that wasn’t his. I’m not sure he knows all of it? But I’m comfortable with you telling him anything.”

“That makes sense,” said Charlie. “Fuck, Walker - I’m so happy for you. And Danny.”

“Me too,” said James, with a genuine smile. “And I’m happy for you, too.”

“Although,” said Charlie, considering. “Don’t try to think that you two will be more adorable than us. I feel like we’re gonna have that shit on lock.”

James laughed. “Let the best queer couple win.” They headed out and hugged before going their opposite ways. Charlie couldn’t believe what a shift he felt in just a few days. He walked the block back to his flat quickly, eager to get back to his boy.

-

When Charlie reached his flat, he opened the door quietly in case Nick was still sleeping. Hearing no movement inside, he edged off his shoes and went towards the bedroom, opening the door as stealthily as he could. Only to see - Nick, almost completely naked on his bed, in a seductive pose, laying on his side, head propped in his hand. He had on only a tight pair of black boxer-briefs that were straining and distorted by Nick’s already-growing bulge. One leg was stretched out on the bed, all hair and muscle and freckles, the other bent, putting a seductive twist in his waist. His uncombed hair was wet, looking rakishly unkempt and sexy. He looked both ravishing and ridiculous.

Charlie burst out laughing. “How long have you been laying like that?”

Nick gave his trademark half smile, making Charlie’s stomach flutter a little. “I’ve been ready to jump into position for a good twenty minutes now as soon as I heard you open the door. You’re laaaater than you said.” He said that last part with a little pout, drawing his bent knee up even further and turning his spine a little bit more to exaggerate the curve of his ass.

Charlie laughed again. “Well, when I said what time I thought I’d be back, I didn’t expect to walk to find you stretched across my bed looking like a fuckable fantasy come to life.”

Nick smirked. “Okay, from now on - just expect that every time you walk in the door I’ll be stretched across your bed looking like a fuckable fantasy.” He raised himself onto both elbows, propping up his torso and spreading his knees apart, abs moving as he did. “Emphasis on the fuckable,” he said. He looked at Charlie, his face intense. “That’s what I want, Charlie. I want you to fuck me. Fill me.” Charlie’s entire body flushed with a tingly shock, and he knew his eyes gave away how acutely Nick’s words hit him. Nick hadn’t yet asked for this, and god - Charlie was so ready to give it to him. “C’mere,” Nick said, his voice low and rough. 

Charlie wasn’t sure how his legs made it over to the bed, as they were now somehow devoid of bones. Nick’s eyes were trained on him the whole time, his pupils blown out, as Charlie reached the bed and crawled towards him, on his hands and knees. Charlie could already feel himself filling out, so eager to touch this man, make him feel the way that he made Charlie. So loved and fucked and good. He was now hovering on top of Nick, his hands outside Nick’s shoulders and knees on either side of his hips. “Yeah, baby?” he asked. “That’s what you want?”

“I want you,” groaned Nick, lifting his hips to press against Charlie. Charlie had to take a breath to steady himself. It was like all of pent-up desire for Nick that had been inside him for the last few days was rushing into his body now, his stomach swooping with lust.

Charlie dropped his body closer to Nick’s and dragged up and down against Nick’s groin to press himself against him, feeling the tiny noises coming out of Nick even more than he heard them. Nick ran his hands up the sides of Charlie’s body, Charlie sitting up on Nick’s lap to pull the shirt off and making him whimper when his dick slipped between Charlie’s cheeks as he did.

“Not this time,” Charlie said with a wink, dropping his hands to Nick’s chest and going back to frotting against him. Nick hummed out a sigh and closed his eyes, opening them again when Charlie lifted off of him, sitting back on his heels. “These,” said Charlie, drifting his hand over the front of Nick’s pants, giving a long, smooth stroke that made him twitch under the fabric. “Off.”

Nick quickly obeyed, stripping them off and revealing himself to Charlie. He was leaking copiously, clearly as turned on as Charlie, who could feel the front of his own pants getting wet before he removed them. He pressed himself back against Nick again, their naked bodies meeting, sweat already forming as they clutched at one another. 

“I want to make you feel so, so good,” said Charlie, drawing his hands down Nick’s ribs all the way down to the base of his dick. He leaned forward to kiss Nick’s stomach, then reached over to his bedside table to get the bottle of lube. 

“I already, um…I got started in the shower,” said Nick, looking both self-satisfied and a little abashed. 

Charlie spread some lube between his fingers and circled Nick’s entrance. “Yeah? You eager or something, Nelson?”

“Yeah,” said Nick, a smile in his voice even as he shivered under Charlie’s light teasing. “I had to like, actively not think about you when I was doing it. I didn’t want to not be ready to go again when you got home.”

Charlie smirked. “Old man.” He slipped his index finger in with a confirmatory nod from Nick, and Nick hadn’t lied - he was basically ready. But Charlie would make sure he was really ready.

“More,” said Nick, raising his head and looking at Charlie with intense eyes. 

Charlie felt a thrill go through his low belly and added his middle finger. Even with another digit, Nick was still pliant and ready. He worked Nick a little, grazing his prostate and making his thighs twitch, loving the pleasurable sounds Nick was making.

“More,” Nick demanded again, pressing back against Charlie’s fingers.

Charlie chuckled and added his ring finger, pressing up and in as Nick was ready and moving his knuckles around slightly to add sensation. Nick was slowly stirring his hips as Charlie massaged and moved within him, and Charlie felt so hard that it almost hurt. He carefully withdrew his hand and reached again for a condom, rolling it on, Nick watching him the whole time as he got ready and added more lube. 

Charlie spread his knees as wide as he could get them, thanking his years of stretching for this moment that he’s apparently been training for his whole life. Nick’s feet rested behind Charlie’s legs, his knees wide and hips on a pillow, his eyes watching Charlie, filled with trust. Love. Desire. Charlie bent to drop one more kiss to Nick’s hip and lined himself up. He pressed in, just the head, and Nick grunted, the sound fading into a sigh. And Charlie felt - felt indescribable. 

“You okay, baby?” asked Charlie.

Nick nodded before he spoke. “Ye-yeah,” he said, a little breathless. “You feel so good. So good in me, Char. Keep - keep going. Allez, allez.” 

Charlie’s brain shorted out as he pressed in further, earning another happy groan from Nick. He waited a moment to let Nick adjust, then went in further and further, until he bottomed out. It felt incredible, Nick a hot, heavenly vise around him squeezing him perfectly. “Fuck, Nick, you feel so good. You’re - you’re so good, baby. So hot. So good.”

“So good,” murmured Nick, making Charlie twitch pleasurably inside him. “Move, yeah, please Char.”

Charlie drew his hips back and pressed in, gently to start. The sounds Nick was making were going through him, sighs and hums and gentle urging in both English and French. He worked up a little more speed, Nick eventually lifting his other leg and extending both of them in the air as Charlie thrust forward. Charlie’s brain was dissolving into glittery dust, lost in the swirls of pleasure throughout his body. 

“Harder,” said Nick from in front of him, his voice hoarse and throaty. Charlie felt like warm water was being poured down his spine, his spine tingling. He opened his eyes and saw Nick’s face, flushed, looking utterly blissed out. “Harder,” said Nick again, this time with a little smirk that made Charlie think he wouldn’t last much longer. Or maybe even survive. 

Charlie dropped his head down towards Nick’s chest and pressed forward hard, punching an incredible sound out of Nick. He pushed in again and again, drawing back, almost out, and then surging forward. Yeah, he was absolutely not going to survive this. Nick’s hands were on him, gripping at his arms, his hair, his back - anything he could touch. Charlie shifted so that he could hold himself on one arm, taking Nick in his free hand, which made Nick even louder, somehow. He pressed into Nick over and over, the combined friction of his hand and belly against Nick. Not twenty seconds later, Nick wrapped his heel around Charlie’s back, pulling him impossibly closer. “I’m going to…gonna come. Char...” His voice was tremulous and breathy.

Charlie kept going, wanting Nick to finish. He gave another thrust and Nick was spilling between them, the pulsations driving Charlie out of his mind as Nick gripped around him. Charlie pushed in, hard, and ground his hips against Nick, Nick making sounds that Charlie could never have imagined even in his fantasies. Nick was gripping Charlie so hard he thought there might be marks the next day, but it didn’t feel like too much. It felt right. Between the sensations and sounds, Charlie felt himself tip over the edge and he filled the condom, still grinding against Nick. It seemed like both their orgasms lasted for hours, felt like it had been years since they had last been together. 

The wave crested, Charlie lowered himself to Nick’s chest, arms trembling. Nick released his legs and heaved a huge sigh, not letting go of Charlie, fingers still pressed into his back. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” murmured Charlie against Nick’s chin. He wondered for a second if Nick was worried about that. “I promise.” He felt Nick’s grip relax and heard Nick heave a sigh, moving his arms to drape them around Charlie, Charlie still inside.  

“You okay, love?” asked Nick, running his fingers through Charlie’s hair. 

Charlie smiled against Nick’s chest. “I should be the one asking you that.” He considered for a moment. “Being on top is way harder than you make it look,” he laughed, his arms feeling like overcooked noodles.

Nick laughed. “Worth it though, huh?”

“Definitely,” murmured Charlie, closing his eyes. They lay like that for a few minutes, until Charlie itched to clean up a little. They had a quick, semi-chaste shower together, mostly a rinse more than anything. They both dressed in warm clothes and settled onto Charlie’s couch, nestled into each other and looking at Nick’s phone, picking a place to get lunch. 

“Do you want to order in?” asked Charlie.

“No,” said Nick. “I want to go out. With you. I’m not - I’m not saying I’m ready to paw you in a booth-“ Charlie laughed and Nick smiled. “Okay, yeah, I would actually love to do that soon. But…maybe not ready to do that yet before we tell our families, but yeah - I want to go out with you. Together.” 

Charlie smiled and tipped his head against Nick’s. “I want to do that, too.” 

-

They picked a place a 15-minute walk away, and took their time getting there. They looked at each other and grinned when they accidentally bumped shoulders, Nick’s face easy and relaxed. 

They got to the restaurant and were seated without any fuss or fanfare, the host not showing a glimmer of recognition. As it was a weekday, the breakfast and lunch spot was fairly empty. They sat and ordered their drinks and food. After the waiter left, Nick sat, gazing at Charlie.

“What?” asked Charlie.

“You’re so pretty,” said Nick, smiling at him. 

Charlie blushed. “You’re drunk.”

“Just on you, my Char of moonshine.”

“Check, please.” Charlie mimed calling the waiter for the bill.

Nick laughed. “So - you met with James this morning? How…how’d that go?” He had a curious gleam in his eye, like he was trying to test the waters carefully.

“Yeah,” replied Charlie, eying Nick back. 

“Do you…know things?”

“I know things. Do you know things?”

“I know things.”

“I know you know things.” Nick huffed, confused, and Charlie took pity on him. “James told me - everything. He told me about him and Danny, and he also told me that Danny told you. He, uh…James had told me a bit about everything a few weeks ago.” Charlie explained the conversation that he had with James a few weeks prior, when James had broken down and told him he was in love with Danny. Nick looked pained, hearing how hard it had been on James, and filled Charlie in with his conversation with Danny. 

“Wow,” said Nick after they had both told each other everything. “Can you imagine? Seven years…” He looked at Charlie and his hand twitched on top of the table, like he wanted to take Charlie’s and stopped himself. 

“I know,” said Charlie in a low voice. “I think about…I think about you. And how even those few months were so hard. I liked you so much I like, felt it physically. And feeling like that for that long…I’m so glad they’re here now.”

“Me too,” said Nick, nodding. He took a breath. “I keep thinking - about what I said last night. That we could still…do this our way. Come out our way. Like, even now. I really want to say fuck it and sit next to you and make everyone sick with how much I love you.” Charlie grinned. “But like - I just wouldn’t want anything getting back to our families before we told them ourselves. And after we did - maybe after we told them, the people who matter, then we could think about just…being ourselves. Without apologies.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “It doesn’t have to be like, a big thing. Not if we don’t want it to be. It can just be us living our lives.”

There was a determined set to Nick’s jaw, and he worked it a few times before speaking. “Char…will you come to my mum’s with me tonight? If she’s free? I want to - I want her to know. And your family, too, if you want. We could drive down there to see them tomorrow, or FaceTime them - or wait, if you wanted to as well.”

“No, I want to tell them,” Charlie said. “And I think - FaceTime is okay for me, because part of this isn’t as new for them. And of course, baby. Of course I’ll go with you. But don’t…are you sure you don’t want to go solo?”

“I’m sure,” said Nick. “As long as you’re comfortable with it - I want you there. I want her to see you with me. See how happy you make me.”

“I want to be there with you,” Charlie said softly. “I can’t imagine it going poorly with your mum, but I still want to be there. Through everything.”

-

They drove to Sarah’s house, about 45 minutes outside of the city. She had been delighted by Nick’s message, confirming that she was free after work and encouraging him to come over. Nick’s hand felt a little clammy in Charlie’s, and Charlie reached over during the drive to squeeze Nick’s trap, trying to soothe out the muscles that he could see Nick was tensing. 

Nick looked over from the road for a moment, fondness mixed with anxiety in his eyes. “Hi,” he said, reaching over to lay his land on Charlie’s leg.

“Hi,” said Charlie with a smile he tried to make reassuring. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” said Nick with a sigh. “I mean…it’s my mum. I can’t imagine that she’d be anything other than great. And, like, I was nervous about the lads, and look how they reacted. I can’t imagine my mum being less welcoming than Stig. Or reacting any worse than Seamus.”

Charlie smiled, recounting how many fond hugs Seamus had wrapped him in before leaving his flat, telling Charlie over and over how happy he was for him and Nick. “Yeah - from what I know of her I think you’re entirely right. That doesn’t make it any easier though, necessarily. It’s still…scary. Vulnerable, yeah? I know it shouldn’t be, but it is. And especially with…with both of us there. You know, telling her you’re bi and introducing her to your boyfriend at the same time…”

Nick looked over at him again and squeezed above Charlie’s knee. “That second part I’m not worried about at all,” he said warmly. “You…you’re going to be her favorite. She’s going to love you more than she does me. I mean…who wouldn’t love you?”

Charlie smiled and pressed his hand on top of Nick’s. “Well, I’m still not sure if you even love me. You just never tell me how you feel. You’re an enigma, Nick Nelson. Maybe I should take another shower and find out what your true feelings are.”

Nick laughed, the sound warm and loud in the car. “I said you could make fun of me once a week for that, my little Char-pei.”

“Oh, that might be the worst one yet,” groaned Charlie.

“Give me time,” promised Nick. Or maybe it was a threat.

They got to Sarah’s house and Nick pulled up outside, putting the car in park and sitting for a moment, gazing up at the house, warm light spilling out of the windows. 

“Ready?” 

“Ready.”

They walked up the path and up the door. Nick twisted open the doorknob and called out as they went in. “Mum?”

“In here, darling!” 

“Boof?”

“Nellie!”

Nellie rushed the two of them as they went in, weaving between their legs and whining for pets. Nick and Charlie both obliged, giving her pats and cuddles before they headed further in, Nellie trotting at their heels. 

Charlie followed Nick through the house, even though all he wanted to do was stay in the front hallway, soaking in the pictures of Nick. Tiny, red-haired, fucking adorable Nick. There’d be time later, he knew. Nick led them through to the kitchen, where Sarah was by the stove, stirring something that smelled delicious. She turned as they entered, beaming. 

“Boys!” She hugged them both, pulling Nick in for a warm kiss on the cheek and then doing the same to Charlie, pulling a blush out of him. “This is such a treat. I was so surprised when Nicky texted, and then he said you were coming, too. Were you boys just nearby this evening? Some team event?”

“No, it’s the bye week, mum,” reminded Nick. “We’re actually off all week.”

“That’s right, you had mentioned that,” said Sarah. “Well, as long as you’re here, that’s all I really care about. I made a curry, but it still needs a bit to simmer. I’ll put the kettle on for some tea while we wait.”

She moved around the kitchen, putting on the kettle and pulling down mugs, pulling out a well-used mug with a yellow N that made Charlie inexplicably happy, thinking of Nick drinking from that mug growing up, in Sarah’s cozy home. She poured the tea while they all chatted, and then drew the three of them to the living room, Nellie close by. She sat in an armchair, and Charlie seated himself on the larger couch. Nick sat down, closer to Charlie than he would have expected. Nellie curled up at Nick’s feet, as if she knew that he needed some extra love at the moment. Sarah glanced at Nick and Charlie and smiled.

“How was the exhibition game, darling? I was sorry to not get to see it, I couldn’t find the regional coverage you had told me about on that app, and I know you said your phone hadn’t been working well there, so I didn’t message you to ask again...”

Nick inhaled. Exhaled. “It was…a bit shit, actually.” Sarah raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to go on. “This…mum. I’m–” He looked like he was struggling. Charlie wanted to take his hand, but wanted Nick to be able to own this. Do this how he wanted to. “Mum -  you know how I’ve told you…Charlie’s my best friend?”

Sarah looked between their faces, clearly able to sense that something was up. “Yes?”

Nick took another breath. “He’s…my boyfriend. Charlie’s my boyfriend.” Nick looked up, looked at his mother. Charlie’s heart was squeezing, glancing between Nick and Sarah as unobtrusively as he could. “I…I realized a while ago that I still like girls. But um, we - I realized that I liked boys, too. Guys. And me and Charlie, we’re…we’re going out. I’m…I’m in love with him.” Nick looked over at Charlie, reaching out his hand. Charlie took it. “And I just…I wanted you to know.”

Charlie had been watching Sarah’s face, observing how soft and loving it was as her son spoke. And he knew - he knew right away that nothing Nick could have said would have ever changed her love for him. Her face was nothing but acceptance and kindness and care.

“Oh, baby,” she said, setting her mug aside and rising up out of her chair to come over to Nick. Nellie wagged her tail as Sarah came over. She sat next to him and Nick gently released Charlie’s hand to turn to face her. “Oh, thank you for telling me that. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn’t tell me that.” Charlie saw Nick wordlessly shake his head, a few tears brimming in his eyes. “And you don’t have to say you like women if you don’t.”

Nick gave a half-laugh and cleared his throat. “No, I, um - it’s definitely not just guys. I - it’s called bisexuality? If you’ve heard of that?”

Sarah chuckled at her son. “I have heard of that,” she said, stroking Nick’s hair back from his face fondly. “I wasn’t born in the 18th century.” Nick huffed out a laugh. Sarah drew back so she could look at Charlie too, reaching across Nick to squeeze his hand. 

“How long have you two been together?”

“Well, um, me and Charlie started going out a few months ago,” said Nick. “But I started liking him way before that.” Charlie felt another blush rise and Sarah beamed. 

“Of course you did,” said Sarah, rising again to pull Charlie into a hug. “Because he is a wonderful, wonderful person, and clearly makes you so happy.” Charlie could feel his throat swelling with emotion. Sarah was - Sarah was exactly the parent Nick deserved. The parent that everyone deserved. She squeezed Charlie tight again, then gave Nick another hug before sitting down and wiping at her eyes. 

Nick looked at his mother again. “There’s…there’s more to the story, too.” He sat and explained what had happened to his mum, telling her about the pictures taken and sent to the team, how he had panicked and left, how the team had rallied around Charlie and how he had come back from France, back to Charlie. How they wanted to make it their own again, take control of their lives back. Charlie watched Sarah’s face intently as Nick related what happened, her expression a mix of limitless gentle love and fierce, protective anger. He saw her hand whiten around Nick’s when he told her about the pictures and the email, a thin set to her lips and a ferocity in her jaw that made Charlie never want to cross this woman. She reminded him of a mother bear, calm and placid at most times, but ready to strike out if she felt her cub was threatened. Nick finished the story and she pulled him into a long, tight hug, stroking his back and whispering to him. Charlie was looking away, wanting to give them a moment when he heard movement and saw her coming towards him, having just released Nick.

“You boys. You perfect boys. You did not deserve that. No one deserves that. You two - I am so happy for you. That the two of you found each other.” She was like Nick - strength in gentleness, an anchor in a sea. Charlie melted into the hug and returned it, feeling the love radiating from her. When they finally released, both of their eyes (and Nick’s) were a little watery. 

Once they had all caught their breath again and sat back down, Nick addressed his mum. “Mum, are you sure…I know this might not be what you pictured for me. Are you…do you…” He trailed off, looking at his mother, not able to articulate himself quite right.

“Nicky,” said Sarah softly, putting her hand on Nick’s. “Every day of my life has been better with you in it. And who you love is the last thing that would change that.” She looked warmly at Charlie for a moment, too, and then back to her son. “Anyone who makes your life better is someone I love too, Nicky.”

By now Nick was barely keeping it together, and Sarah moved again so that she could pull Nick’s head against her chest, like he was her child from 20 years ago instead of the towering adult man that he was now. Nellie sat up and laid her head across Nick’s thigh, wanting to be part of whatever was happening. “You are my son. My kind, perfect, son. And I will support you, stand beside you, and do anything I can to protect you.” She looked at Charlie again over Nick’s head. “And anyone you love. Nothing will ever change how much I adore you. My perfect boy.”

Nick pulled back, sniffling, between his mother and Charlie. He took Charlie’s hand again, Charlie gripping the warm palm, interlacing with his fingers. 

“It was…it was hard, mum. Is hard. The idea that people might think we’re entirely different just because - we love each other. And I was so scared. I wasn’t sure who’d support me, support us. I never - I never thought you wouldn’t. But it was terrifying. I wasn’t ready to face anything right away - I just wanted to fade away. Disappear from it all.”

Sarah reached out once more, holding her son’s face in two gentle hands. “Don’t let anyone make you disappear, my darling.” 

-

Dinner was wonderful, Sarah a skilled cook and marvelous conversationalist. The hardest part behind them now, Charlie was relaxed and happy in Sarah and Nick’s company, the three of them drifting from topic to topic. Sarah beamed as Nick enumerated all of the things that he loved about Charlie, seemingly unable to stop himself from gushing now that he was able to gush about Charlie to people. They spoke until late in the evening, Sarah eventually glancing at the kitchen clock in surprise and saying that she needed to get to bed.

“Have you all talked to your family yet, Charlie?” asked Sarah.

“Not yet,” said Charlie. “We’re going to FaceTime them tomorrow; they’re a little bit further away. We want - we want to tell them before anything was to get out. Any rumors or anything.”

“Hm,” said Sarah, anger crossing over her face again, clearly furious at the thought of anyone interfering with Nick and Charlie’s lives. “Well, I look forward to whenever they’re at the next match that I’m at, as well. I’ll actually be at the next one; I took that Saturday off. I can’t wait to meet them.” She looked at Charlie, her head slightly tilted and expression more serious now. “Will they - will you have any issues telling them? Do you boys need - I’d be happy to be on the call. If that were helpful.”

“They’ll be glad to meet you, too,” said Charlie and his heart warm, filled with love for this woman who already wanted to make sure he was protected, her son was protected. “And fortunately, my parents already know that I’m gay, and are very supportive. They don’t know that Nick and I are together, but my parents loved him when they met him. And my little brother is obsessed,” he said, smiling at Nick who grinned back. “I think this will make his decade. Maybe his life.”

Sarah smiled. “Good. You deserve that, Charlie. You both do.” She hugged and kissed both of them, offering them to stay, but Nick and Charlie waved her off, the night still not too late for them. She sent them off with her love and a tupperware of leftovers, tearing up again as she told them how much she loved them. They got to the car, Charlie catching Nick by the arm before he got in.

“How are you, baby?”

Nick smiled, and it was so fully him, the joy and relief clear in his eyes and through his whole body. “I’m so good, Char. It…she was everything I hoped.” He looked at Charlie. “I know all of it - not all of it will be that easy. But we have her. We have the team. We’ll have your family. And we have each other.”

Charlie stretched up onto his toes to kiss Nick, gently. “We do. We’re in this together.”

“Together,” echoed Nick. He helped Charlie into the car and closed the door behind him, dropping one more kiss on his lips. They drove back to Nick’s house, hands joined, ready to face the next day, week, month, and maybe even years together, Charlie hoped. Together.

Chapter Text

On the way back from Sarah’s, they stopped at a Tesco to pick up salads for a second dinner for Nick (and maybe Charlie, if he got hungry when they got back to Nick’s). In the car, Charlie messaged his family to see if they would be able to chat the next day over Facetime. In a stroke of luck, Tori and Michael were actually planning on going to Jane and Julio’s the following night for dinner, and so they’d all be there. Charlie confirmed a time in the group chat, and told Nick about it, planning on telling them about their relationship as close to face to face as he could.

“Do you want to do that by yourself? Or would you like me to join?” asked Nick.

“I always want you there, you big Nick ‘n mix.”

“I mean…that wasn’t bad. But don’t even start with me, love. You’ll never be on my level, my little Char-pie marker.”

Charlie groaned. “That…you know what, I won’t dignify that with a response. But yes, I’d love for you to be there. And honestly, I think if I told Olly without you being there, he’d never forgive me.”

Nick’s eyes lit up at the mention of Olly and Charlie fell just a tiny bit more in love. “I can’t wait to see him,” he said warmly. “Is your family coming to any matches this spring?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “They told Olly that he could take a Friday off school so they could all come up for a long weekend at some point in February or March, so he gets to pick the weekend and the Friday he takes off. Then depending on how stuff goes with the knockout phase of the Champion’s Cup, they’d-” Charlie was cut off by Nick gently shushing him and putting a finger to his lips. Charlie looked at him, raising an eyebrow in bemusement. 

“We don’t speak of - that,” said Nick. 

“What?” asked Charlie? “The knockout-”

“Shhhh,” said Nick, pressing his finger up so that Charlie’s lips were smooshed up towards his nose, Charlie snorting and pulling away with a laugh.

“Nicholas Nelson,” said Charlie. “Are you superstitious?”

“No!” exclaimed Nick, though the blush in his neck betrayed him.

“You so are,” said Charlie. “I didn’t know that. Okay, so no talking about…the Cup,” he said, mouthing the next word instead of saying it aloud. Nick gave him a mock-glare. “What else? Do you do anything pre-match? And weird traditions, Nelson?”

“Not really…” said Nick, but there was still a flush on his cheeks. 

“You do. What is it?”

“I do not!”

“Do you pray to the gods of rugby? Did you build a teeny tiny shrine of a rugby pitch out of Legos that you worship? Do you have little Nick and Charlie Lego men that you make kiss before the game for ‘good luck’?” Charlie held imaginary dolls in his fingers and pressed them together, making kissing sounds.

Nick burst out laughing. “You’re a dick. No…the kissing part is more fun with non-Lego people.” He threw Charlie a wink. He hesitated, then said, “I only…I only do one thing, really.”

“What?!”

“Nothing big.” 

“Tell me.”

“I just wear…I wear red pants, okay?”

“What?” Charlie didn’t know what he had been expecting, but he had not been expecting that.

“For fixtures. I wear…I always wear red Underarmour pants on match days. I read a long time ago that teams who wear red are statistically more likely to win and since that’s not one of our team colors I have to wear it to help our odds, so - wait, you’re the maths lad aren’t you? Stop giggling! Stats are on my side, Charlie! ”

Charlie couldn’t. He giggled through Nick’s continued insistence that it was statistically significant, Charlie, that it wasn't superstition, it was based on science. This wonderful weirdo. This perfect, incredibly earnest man. 

“Fine,” said Nick muttering and looking out the windshield. “The red pants didn’t seem to bother you that time in the locker room about a month ago after that family match…”

Charlie smirked. “I was more interested in what was under your pants than the color. But next time, I’ll have to rinse you before I…do other things to you.”

“The next time, huh?” said Nick, looking over and giving a half-smile.

“The PT table is a perfect height, you know,” mused Charlie. “For…things.”

“Things,” repeated Nick. “You’re being horny on main again, Char.”

“Just trying to keep up with you, you absolute nympho. Nick-mpho.”

“Seriously, love, you have so many talents. This is not…your most natural one.”

“Philistine.”

They drove on, occasionally holding hands and often smiling as they continued to chat and rib one another. As they got closer to home, Charlie noticed that the route they were taking was leading them back to Nick’s, rather than his flat.

“Oh, are we going to your place then? You’re not dropping me off?”

“Char - I want to spend every second with you this week.” Nick gave him a quick glance, looking in the rearview mirror. “Being - leaving you. That made me - I just want to be with you.” He looked at Charlie seriously again. “I’m not - I haven’t stopped thinking about that. I want to - I want you to know that I won’t do that again. Ever. I know - Lucy helped me know that was part of my pattern. She called it a trauma pattern, which I remember thinking was a little dramatic the first time she called it that.”

“Dramatic?” asked Charlie. “Why did you think that was dramatic?”

“Because, like - I didn’t think of having, like trauma. I…I didn’t have any big, bad things happen to me. I had my mum. I had friends, and like, no terrible things happened when I was younger. But…” He trailed off, his eyes on the road and jaw tight. “She helped me see a little more. About David and my dad. She would repeat things I told her and say that that was trauma. And I didn’t believe her at first. I thought trauma had to be like, you know, war or assault or something. But she pointed out that - that I didn’t feel safe being my full self. Not when I was with my dad and brother. Especially not when my mum wasn’t around, and even more so after she finally kicked him out - the times I was with just him and David, I mean. Even when I didn’t know what my full self really was. But Lucy said that was trauma, too - not knowing what was safe, what wasn’t. And some of the things they did - and said. And say still too, I guess. So this is all - I don’t want to make excuses, Char. I fucked up.” He looked at Charlie for a moment and interlaced their fingers. “And I…I know I fucked up. I didn’t feel safe, and I ran. Hid. Which is what I did from David and my dad, both, like physically and emotionally, Lucy told me. But now…” He furrowed his brow together for a moment. “Now, I keep thinking about what my mum said. About not disappearing. And I think about that song, too - about not hiding. It keeps…it’s like, staying in my brain. I don’t know exactly what I want to do with that, yet, but…yeah. I’m still so sorry, Charlie. No matter the reason behind it, I’m still sorry.”

Charlie squeezed Nick’s hand. “I appreciate that, love. I also…I know what you mean about trauma, and what it can look like. It’s not just…there are so many versions of trauma. But knowing those patterns, knowing what triggers you - those things help. And I’m glad you can recognize what some of that was, growing up.” Nick hadn’t told Charlie many of the specifics of his dad and David. While there hadn’t been physical abuse, Charlie knew psychological abuse was just as damaging. Nick had alluded to things not being as bad when his dad was still with Sarah, getting much worse after Stephane had moved out. They’d talk about it. They’d have time. They had nothing but time now. 

“Yeah,” said Nick reflectively. “It’s like…I wish I’d known more about all of this when I was younger.” He looked at Charlie. “I wish I had known you when I was younger.”

“Yeah?” echoed Charlie, taking Nick’s hand and looking at him. 

“I wish I’d known then…what I know now.”

“About what?” Charlie’s voice was gentle.

“About…a bunch of things. That it was okay, who I was. That it didn’t make me less tough, or weak, or good enough. I don’t think…I don’t think my dad knew anything. Even after I knew that I was bi. But he and David were always on me, saying I was too sensitive, or wasn’t playing aggressively enough, or stuff like that. Stuff that Lucy said was coded language. And like…the message was always to get over stuff. Suck it up. And I did. And I always thought I was fine. It…this…clearly, I wasn’t fine,” he barked out a single laugh. “I wish I had known - what it felt like to feel better. What it felt like to have someone besides just my mum accept me. We had sports psychologists on other teams and stuff, but I never used them. I did all the media stuff that they have us do, the whole ‘I versus P’ thing, but that was different, more just how to handle the media attention and pressure.”

“What’s that?” asked Charlie.

“One of the teams had this whole workshop thing about the I - like, myself, versus the P, the player. So, like, if I had a shitty day on the field that was just the P side, the player side. The I side, who I was, was still the same. And that was good for separating the playing criticism, letting go of the on the field stuff. But, like, I also got in my head about it. Like - can I be me? All the parts of myself and be a player? That was helpful for shrugging off the on the field stuff, but harder for the ‘who can I be’ stuff.”

“Hmm,” said Charlie. “That’s interesting. Yeah - I can see that concept working really well for letting go of games and not letting it define you. But then - yes, I can also see the other side. Like - can the ‘I’ be part of the Player?”

“Exactly,” said Nick, his brow furrowed. “I keep thinking about what my mum said. About not disappearing, like I mentioned. And then the whole conversation with Danny - it makes me just wonder, like - I wonder if there are other parts that guys feel like they can’t show, or just don’t have a chance to show since it’s not…not what people think of when they think of rugby.”

Charlie considered for a moment as they pulled onto Nick’s street. “I wonder…Elle is working on the Rugby for All campaign. It would probably be great to talk to her about this. I wonder if there’s a way of making these fit together.”

Nick turned off the car and looked at Charlie before they got out. “I’m so grateful, Char. For you, the team, Lucy…I can’t believe I could have gone my whole life not feeling the way I do about you.”

Charlie smiled at the incredible man in front of him. Nick had come so far in such a short time. To have gone from not being out - to anyone - and then have come out to his mum and wanting to come out to the world in just four or five months…it was a testament to how strong of a community they had around them. And how strong Nick was. So, so strong. It was time to get out of the car. Before Charlie got too ahead of himself, he kissed Nick, smoothing his fingers through the auburn hair. “I’m just as lucky, Nick,” he said, drawing back for a moment. “So lucky to get to love someone like you.”

A kiss in the entryway turned heated quickly once they got upstairs. Charlie didn’t know how he ended up in Nick’s kitchen with chicken Caesar salads forgotten on the table, Nick dropping down to his knees in front of him, hands all over him, but there he was.

“Right in front of my salad, Nick?” murmured Charlie as Nick ripped at his jeans. Charlie cursed at himself for wearing anything that slowed Nick down in this region. Stretch is fetch, Charlie told himself, in an inane moment. Learn from this massive, massive mistake. Nick gave up halfway, abandoning the jeans around Charlie’s knees, like he was too desperate to wait any longer to engulf Charlie. Charlie loved when they went slower, when they took their time and warmed each other up, went gently. But this - fuck, he loved this too. 

Nick shot him a smoldering look before roughly grabbing Charlie’s hips and taking him in his mouth. Taking so much, too much, Charlie thought. But even as Nick gagged once, he looked at Charlie with an intense look, a fuck to the yes look. He went in even harder, his eager, small choking sounds making Charlie’s thighs turn to water. He pressed his tongue to Charlie’s underside as he drew up and down and dented Charlie’s skin with his fingers still around his hip bones, gripping hard. Charlie would tell him if anything was too rough, and Charlie was sure Nick knew that. He liked this more aggressive side of Nick. This was going to be fun to continue to explore…for both of them.

Charlie was grabbing the countertop behind him with one hand, trying to steady himself as his legs threatened to give out. The other hand was planted in Nick’s hair, moving along with his head as he took Charlie from midpoint to tip, over and over, sometimes even deeper. Nick moved one of his hands on top of Charlie’s, squeezing it into a fist in his hair. Charlie responded to what he thought Nick was implying and gave Nick’s hair a tug, eliciting a moan that went fully through Charlie’s dick up to his belly. He did it again and Nick groaned again and went even deeper, seeming to relish the feeling. Charlie was feeling like he was being swept along a wave, his back arching and chest lifting. It had only been a few minutes, but there was no way he’d last, not with Nick looking like this, Nick’s throat working him, not just his mouth. He gasped and pulled at Nick’s hair, hard, drawing out another low, guttural sound. 

“I’m coming, Nick, I’m going to…” Nick just kept going, steadily, hot wet heat around Charlie. Charlie bucked and gasped and finished, fingers tangled in Nick’s hair, Nick staying on him even after he was finished, the oversensitivity making Charlie straddle a line between pain and pleasure. Charlie finally pulled him off and weakly pulled at Nick’s arm to get him to stand up. He did, grinning and pulling Charlie in for an embrace. Charlie slumped against him, still a little weak in his knees, pressing his head into the warm space between Nick’s head and shoulder.

“Sorry to offend your salad-eating sensibilities,” said Nick against his hair. 

Charlie laughed weakly. “I’ll forgive you, I suppose. After that.” He hummed against Nick’s chest. “I just need a like, 8 or 9 hour nap first.”

Nick kissed him on the head. “I need my vegetables first, then bed,” he said in a no-nonsense tone. “Gotta balance out that protein.” He threw a wink to Charlie, who couldn’t help laughing. Trust this man to look after his macros. 

-

The next day, Nick and Charlie spent the entire day at Nick’s, doing nothing and everything. They watched some home and garden shows, Nick cooked, they had sex, then built a veritable pillow fort out of Nick’s couch and all of the pillows in the house, they had sex in a veritable pillow fort. They ate, talked, laughed. Charlie convinced Nick to watch I am Legend with him, which he insisted wouldn’t be too scary for Nick. Charlie was extremely incorrect. Nick periodically shrieked and hid in Charlie’s chest or lap, neither of which Charlie was not angry about whatsoever. Though Charlie was a little worried about his hand when they went back to work the following week, as Nick might have squeezed all of the bones together like a paper fan. After the movie, Nick insisted that Charlie would have to walk with him to his car every night after it got dark so “the zombies wouldn’t get him”. They had a blissful day, periodically spending time on their phones to chat with their other friends and loved ones as well. 

They each spent some time alone during the afternoon before they called up Charlie’s family, Charlie going for a run and later borrowing Nick’s car to go pick up his travel drum set, spending a few hours playing. It was nice taking some time to get out of his head and into his body. Nick spent the time calling members of the team - Wilco, Seamus, Danny, Lunker. All of them had been worried about Nick, Charlie knew, and he was glad that Nick was reaching out, connecting with these men who were such an important part of his life. He occasionally saw Nick pace past him on the phone, sometimes with a smile, sometimes with emotion in his eyes. No matter what, though, Charlie knew every person he spoke to was a support. 

They reconnected in the evening to order dinner, and Nick told Charlie about his calls. Wilco had been fatherly, asking how he was and how he and Annette could support both him and Charlie. Seamus had scolded him a little, as he had gone to Nick’s flat the morning he was due back and knocked on the door for an hour, not realizing that Nick had come home early and gone to Charlie’s. He had also apologized about assuming Nick had a girlfriend, though Nick said with a smile, had also been self-congratulatory that he knew that Nick was dating someone. The conversations had all been healing and supportive in their own ways. Nick told Charlie that he spoke to James, and got a little choked up recounting how James spoke about Danny. Nick said it was exactly how he had felt about Charlie, and was so glad that James could finally be with the person he loved. He had also spoken briefly to Tara. She had said that she and her girlfriend Darcy were going to make it up to Leeds in the next month to come to a game and hang out with Nick and Charlie, which they were both looking forward to, neither one having met her yet. She also confirmed that there were some rumors floating about online after Nick specifically asked if she’d heard any, but that nothing was rampant or widespread. The picture with Amy incidentally was helping to create a counter-narrative, even though it was false, people instantly batting those rumors away claiming that Nick was dating a woman. 

“Does that…are you worried about those rumors?” asked Charlie over their Indian takeaway. 

Nick considered for a moment. “Not, like…worried,” he said slowly. “Just feeling - like I want to hurry. I want us to come out ahead of this. You know the Internet - there’s something that’s the focus of attention for a day, then it fades. Tara said the pictures aren’t showing up anywhere right now, just people saying that they’ve seen pictures, and others saying that’s bullshit. So, it could blow over and we could have more time - but then again, I want us to control it. So I feel a little time pressure, I guess.”

“Do you want to come out formally, do you think? Or just like - start living like we’re out?” Charlie looked at Nick’s face. 

Nick nodded, considering. “I still…I want to think on that. Just for a little. What do you feel?”

Charlie smirked. “Either way, I get to make out with you in public at some point.” Nick gave him a Charlie, I’m serious look and he sobered a little. “I’m…I don’t need a public coming out moment. But even something small - something that might help others…I like the idea of that. But I would never pressure you into that. We can also just start living and, like, confirm it or whatever. But yes, Nick, we don’t need to decide literally tonight.”

“Yeah,” said Nick. He was quiet for a moment, clearly lost in his brain, and Charlie stayed silent to let him sit with his thoughts. He shook himself out of it. “Well, regardless, your family first!” Nick said. “It’s just about time, yeah?”

Charlie glanced at his phone. “Yep, just about. Let’s move to the couch.”

They set up in Nick’s living room, propping Charlie’s phone up against some books on the coffee table. He called his mum’s number like they had talked about.

Olly picked up, and the look on his face shifting from joy at seeing Charlie to glee at seeing Nick was both adorable and mildly insulting. “MUM!” said Olly, staring at the camera still. “TORI! DAD! MICHAEL! NICK NELSON IS ON THE PHONE!”

Nick laughed and Charlie spluttered. “And is anyone else on the phone, Olly? Anyone who might have, you know, known you for eleven years?”

“Oh, and Charlie’s here, too,” added Olly as his family gathered around. Charlie rolled his eyes affectionately. Olly was in the center of the screen with Michael next to him, his parents behind them. Tori was standing slightly off to the side. His parents looked a little bemused, seeing Charlie and Nick sitting together. Tori had one eyebrow raised a hair’s breadth on her face as she sipped her drink in lieu of a greeting, just watching Nick and Charlie through the screen. 

Michael laughed. “Sorry, Charlie - I hope you know your place in the pecking order now.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes. “I sure do. Mum, Dad - hi, everyone!”

“Hi Charlie,” said his dad. “It’s good to see you. Both of you. Where - that doesn’t look like your flat, Charlie, is it?”

“No,” said Charlie. “This is actually Nick’s, we’re at his place.”

“You go over to Nick Nelson’s house?!” Olly was nearly bouncing. 

“Usually only when my dog Nellie is here,” said Nick, nudging Charlie’s foot with his own out of sight of the camera. Charlie wrapped his ankle around Nick’s in response.

“I didn’t know you had a dog!”

“I do,” said Nick, pulling out his phone and showing the lock screen to the camera so Olly could see it. 

“She’s so cute! I wish we had a dog.”

“Olly, we want to chat with Charlie and Nick too,” said their mum. “Is everything - we’re glad you asked to chat tonight, Charlie. Is everything…all right?”

Charlie took a breath. “Yeah, everything is great,” he said. He dropped his hand into the space between him and Nick, Nick taking the hint and slotting his in as well, taking Charlie’s. “I wanted to tell you all - Nick. Nick and I - we’re together.” There was a beat of silence. “We’re dating.”

The quiet was broken by Olly gasping with delight, clasping his hands to his face and dropping his mouth open. He looked like a happy version of Edvard Munch’s The Scream painting. His parents’ eyebrows both shot up in surprise. Michael grinned hugely. “Called it,” said Tori.

Charlie laughed. “We…we wanted to tell you. In case any rumors got out or anything.” He had decided not to tell them about everything that had happened, not yet. He’d tell Tori and Michael for sure on a separate call, but he didn’t want Olly to have to hear about that. And his parents…they’d be supportive, of course, but they had a tendency to blurt out unhelpful things, particularly his mum. He’d tell them later, maybe in person. “But yeah,” he said, looking at Nick and smiling. “We’re together.”

“That’s great,” said Julio genuinely, past his surprise, Jane nodding with a small smile. “How long…how long have you been dating then?”

Charlie exchanged a glance with Nick. “A few months? But yeah, we haven’t-“ 

“ARE YOU BOYFRIENDS?” This was Olly, of course. 

Nick laughed. “Yes, we’re boyfriends,” he said. “And guess what, Olly?”

Olly grinned and leaned in a little closer to the screen, pushing his face towards the camera. “What?!”

“We’re in love, too.” Charlie couldn’t help but grin. Nick was so bold, so joyous in this little bubble where he felt safe. He wanted to get in there, too, and not let Nick have all the fun.

“Yes,” said Charlie. “We are.” He looked at Nick and gave him a soft smile. Looking back at the screen, he saw some tears in his mum’s eyes and gratified joy in his dad’s, and Tori was pointedly looking away, her head turned so her face couldn’t be seen. Michael on the other hand was still beaming, seemingly trying to not be in the way of the family moment but loving that he was included. 

“You’re in love?!” repeated Olly. “Does that mean you’ll be together forever?”

“Slow down there, Olly,” laughed Charlie at the same time Nick said “Probably.” Charlie whipped his head to look at Nick, who grinned at him. Nick Nelson. Was going. To be. The death of him. 

They spoke to Charlie’s family for a while longer, eventually shifting from reactions about the news to other topics, like it wasn’t the center of the everything, just another thing. The way Charlie had hoped it would be. They spoke a bit about the game that they were next going to come to, probably in late February. Charlie watched as Nick and Olly went back and forth, Nick asking Olly about his rugby matches, making Olly shine with pride. Tori and Michael held up some pictures of their new cat, Beetlejuice, and Charlie’s parents spoke about their jobs and asked about Nick and Charlie’s. It was - how Charlie had wanted it. They got to share their news, and though clearly the whole family was surprised, it wasn’t earth-shattering (well, except for Olly). It was just part of their family now. They said goodbye, Nick making Olly promise to send him some pictures from his next Ripper Rugby match, Olly enthusiastically saying he would. Charlie’s parents and Michael congratulated them again, and Tori gave an approving, silent nod that didn’t escape his attention.

They hung up and Charlie looked at Nick. “Thank you, baby. For doing that with me.”

Nick leaned in and kissed Charlie on the forehead. “Thank you for letting me be a part of it. With your family.”

Charlie smiled. “Think Olly was okay with it?”

“I think he’ll learn to live with it,” said Nick with a laugh. 

They headed up to bed not long after, exhausted still from the turmoil of the last few days. It was all they could do before brushing their teeth and getting into bed, both of them suddenly dragging with that emotional burden lifted from their shoulders. 

“‘M gonna go see Wilco and Seamus tomorrow,” murmured Nick. “Go say hi.”

“That sounds good,” said Charlie. “They’ll both be so happy to see you.”

Nick hummed softly. “I’m so glad we did that, love. Told the people that matter.”

“Me too,” agreed Charlie. 

“There’s still more to figure out,” mumbled Nick, clearly close to dropping off.

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “But we’ll figure it out. It’ll just take a little time.”

-

The amount of time it took to figure it out was approximately eight and a half hours. 

Nick woke up with a start the next morning, making Charlie jump when he felt Nick’s hand tighten on his hip, awakening him with a tickling vise-like grip on the sensitive skin there. 

“Wazzat?” said Charlie stupidly, still not awake. 

Nick sat up in bed, his eyes wide. “I know how I want us to come out,” he said. He looked around for his phone and once he grabbed it, opened his notes app and started typing quickly. Charlie let him write for a few moments as he blinked awake, still feeling a little drugged from how deeply he had been sleeping. Nick finished jotting a few things out and turned to Charlie. 

“I - something just, like, clicked. It was what my mum said, the disappearing thing, and the whole thing about being a person and a player. And I just - I have an idea. It would take some work and we’d need to get everyone on board, but I want to see what you think…” Nick explained his thoughts to Charlie. With every sentence that Nick spoke, Charlie could see it. Could imagine it. He thought it was the perfect way to do it, and he didn’t think that there’d be any issues with getting everyone to agree. 

Charlie’s first call was to Elle, the benefit being that calling her would bring in Tao as well, who they’d need. After listening to them, the two of them agreed to meet at the stadium at noon. A quick phone call to Imogen and another to Wilco secured their participation as well, and Nick and Charlie met all of them a few hours later.

The next three days were a blur, so many people working together to make it happen, especially during the bye week, when everyone could have elected to stay home. Yet every person was more than willing to participate - they were eager, offering additional ideas and perspectives. Nick and Charlie spent hours with Elle, Tao, and Imogen over the next few days, Tao taking the lead. He sent them endless clips, cuts, and montages. He asked insightful questions, gently probing for more details to make sure it matched up with Nick and Charlie’s hopes and vision. Imogen and Elle pulled an all-nighter with him the last night before it was complete, Amy joining them to help where she could and poring over film to find the right clips to use. 

Elle, Tao, and Imogen all met at Charlie’s flat on Friday evening with the completed video ready. Amy, Isaac, Wilco, and Seamus had all joined as well, equally excited to see the result before it went off for final approval to team leadership that night.

They sat next to each other and Imogen clicked play, streaming the video to the TV.

RUGBY FOR ALL, flashed the title, fading in and out. The plan was that this would be released to the public the next day, and then would be shown as part of the pre-match build-up at their next home fixture following the bye week. 

The video began with a flyover drone shot of the stadium, a swell of instrumental music in the background. The view then switched to footage taken from multiple cameras inside the stadium, showing the faces of fans as they walked through the gates and found their seats. The cameras switched between those at the gates, showing fans streaming in, to on-field cameras capturing fans greeting each other and settling in. Tao had been purposeful with the cuts, showing faces of all colors and ages and genders and body shapes as the music played over the scenes. The footage switched to focus on the fans during the course of fixtures, taken from their deep vault of game footage that Tao had combed through. Fans’ faces were smiling in some shots, celebrating a try, or yelling in others at some grievous offense on the field. There were shots of mothers with children, the kids’ faces painted with the Leeds colors. There was a fantastic cut of an elderly couple hollering at the referee from their row closest to the field. In one snippet, a woman put her arm around another woman in their seats, in another, a fan stood and cheered, clinking his beer bottle with his companion seated next to him in a wheelchair. There was about a minute of footage, highlighting the diversity of the stands. Though Charlie knew the crowd could definitely skew certain directions (and a large part of that was the historic roots of rugby and who it catered to and welcomed), it was a lovely reminder of how love of the sport wasn’t limited to a certain type of fan. 

The music faded out and the perspective switched to Imogen, holding a microphone and talking to targeted fans inside the stadium during a half, other fans walking by as they took in the break in the action, she and the fan of focus in the foreground. 

“What qualities do you think of when you think of Badgers players?” she asked, holding the microphone up to fans in a series of shots cut together.

“Fearlessness!” said the first man, nodding fiercely. The video cut to Wilco, pushing his way through a massive maul, looking utterly unstoppable, the ball tucked into his arm.

“They’re tough,” said the second person interviewed, splicing to an image of Lunker, grinning through bloody teeth and pointing at something on the pitch. Charlie could remember that game vividly - Lunker had taken an unfortunate knee to the lip but had been ready to go immediately. He was tough, the whole lot of them were.

“Hot,” giggled a group of young fans interviewed together. This time it cut to a few of the players looking particularly dashing on the pitch or in their suits for team events before switching over to a shot of Seamus from a party where he’d eaten a slice of colorfully frosted cake, his teeth stained in a rainbow as he grinned cheekily, cheesing at the camera. Charlie and Nick both laughed at the editing on that, knowing both Amy and Imogen wheedled him into okaying that snip.

“Respectful,” said one woman. The media team had selected a few clips of Badgers players hoisting opponents to their feet, clapping their teammates on the back, saluting the fans after a match.

“Aggressive,” said another, cutting to some tough tackles and footage of some of their boldest phases and plays. Charlie’s heart leapt, as it always did, at a clip of Nick barrelling through two defenders to reach for a try.

“Winners,” said the last person interviewed, followed by a 15-second highlight reel of some of the Badger’s biggest tries and the on-field celebrations. 

The video cut to a voiceover. Leeds Badgers and their fans are many things. They’re tough, fearless, and aggressive. They’re dashing, respectful, and as you’ve seen so far this season, winners more often than not. But there’s more than that to your Badgers. 

The video shifted to a simple set that Imogen had put together, just a backdrop of the Leeds Rugby banner and a single stool, with bright lighting. In each shot, the player sat on the stool just left of center on camera so that a video or image could be seen to accompany their words, appearing to the right of them. The camera was tight on their faces, capturing their expressions and words in detail, but leaving plenty of room for the accompanying media to be seen. This was the only part that they had to film this week, the rest of the footage pulled together from what had already been shot, mostly under Tao’s artful eye.

Imogen’s voice started off the next part of the video, from out of sight of the camera this time. “You’re a Badgers Rugby player. What’s a part of yourself you bring to the field?”

Wilco was first. “I’m a father,” he beamed, the picture of him with Annette and their kids together appearing next to his shoulder, at some sort of festival. 

“I’m an artist,” said Decker. His was accompanied by a short video of him painting a lovely watercolor. Charlie hadn’t had any idea that he was a painter before this.

“A brother,” said James. There were two pictures side by side - him with Harriet when they were in Ripper Rugby, the other of them when they were both at Uni, the siblings striking the same poses in both photographs. 

“I am an immigrant,” said Lucas, proudly holding a Brazilian flag in his photo.

“An uncle!” grinned Danny, with a slightly grainy video of him being buried under heaps of children in a sunny backyard, probably a family member’s iPhone video. 

“I’m a boyfriend,” said Nick. Next to him was the image of him and Charlie in the snow with Nellie, the same picture that Nick had given Charlie for Christmas a few weeks ago, their faces tilted towards each other, affection clear. 

Imogen, Elle, and Tao were purposeful about where this was in the video - in the middle of the team montage, not the entire focus, not meant to be an exclamation mark. It was just a clause, just another thing about the team. As they watched this part together, Nick’s hand squeezed Charlie’s and they looked at one another. This was…it. This was how they were coming out for now. Nick wanted to say something more soon in an interview, but not now. Now, they wanted it to be like this. Quiet, and as a part of the team. Not as something separate to who Nick was as a player - just one of the parts of who he was, as a player. Charlie felt his throat constrict a little bit, looking at the photograph of the two of them before Nick’s quick segment faded into the next. He felt the same way that he did when Nick gave this to him - so grateful that those two dumb bunnies in love had come together. And while it wasn’t quite on the timeline they wanted to do - this was the picture that Nick had wanted to share with the world as the first one of them together. No matter what, that couldn’t be taken from them. They were going to come out together on their terms. Charlie shifted his focus back to the video, where more players were talking about the parts of themselves that were on the field. 

“I’m an oboist,” said Lunker. Instead of showing a video or a picture, he took the oboe that an off-camera hand proffered to him and played a quick, lively song. Charlie and Nick laughed aloud watching that part. None of the boys had known it about him. 

“I’m a testicular cancer survivor,” said Will, the picture behind him showing Will giving a thumbs-up from a hospital bed. He had shared this with the team, some of them having already known, Will having that experience when he was in his mid-twenties. 

“I’m a chef,” said Seamus, his picture showing him proudly holding up an angled plate of some sort of risotto with peas and prosciutto. 

“A former foster child,” said Stig. The picture behind him showed his several sets of foster parents, the largest photograph showing the parents who had fostered then adopted him when he was 7. This one had also been a surprise to Charlie, not having realized that this was part of Stig’s history.

“A husband,” said Fitzy, with a quick, silent video from his and his wife’s wedding showing beside him, the two of them holding hands and looking stunning in a beautiful wooden barn.

There were a few other players who listed other things - a dog parent, a skydiver, a self-professed herb garden nerd. It was astonishing how quickly the media team had put this together, all of the players pitching in to find videos and images of the parts of themselves that weren’t always evident on the field. Everyone had been willing to come in and film even during the bye week, not a single one of them less than enthused after hearing the plan for the video. Some of what they shared was poignant, some was less surprising but just as compelling to the person who offered that part of themselves. Charlie knew firsthand how hard Elle, Imogen, and especially Tao had been working, putting in long hours with their teams to pull together the clips from the fan interviews that were helpfully already on file with the new shots of the Badgers players. Elle and Imogen assured Charlie that it was a labor of love, and the three of them had been delighted to show it to Charlie and Nick, before anyone else had gotten to see it. Tao wasn’t quite so effusive, but Charlie knew how significant this was. How hard Tao worked to make sure it represented the vision that Charlie and Nick had discussed with him, making sure that it reflected everything he and Nick (and the team) had been hoping for. Tao had been sensitive and thoughtful in those hours he spent with the two of them, asking many questions, always choosing his words carefully, and it was reflected here, in beautiful results.

The video concluded with close-ups of all of the starters and head coaches, each speaking one line of a monologue, quick cuts each shot to make it feel continuous and unbroken, one single speech on behalf of the team. 

“Leeds Badgers players and fans all look different.”

“We come from all walks of life.”

“We were born in different places.”

“We were born in different bodies.”

“We have our own friends, families, and chosen families.”

“We all have different things that we love and are passionate about.”

“We might not agree on everything, but we all have something in common.”

“We love this team.”

“We love this city.”

“We love rugby.”

“We love each other.”

“No matter who you are, there’s a place for you in Leeds Rugby.”

“So bring yourself to the field.”

“Bring your whole self to the field.”

“Nothing about you needs to disappear when you step in this stadium.” This was Nick. 

“Rugby for all.” Seamus.

“Rugby for all.” Coach Croft.

“Rugby is for everyone,” said Wilco.

“Rugby for all.” 

That line and the final shot was every team member together, arms round shoulders in the locker room, in a talking head that had been recorded before one of their fixtures, part of Elle’s campaign. 

The video faded to black, and Imogen, Elle, and Tao looked at Nick and Charlie expectantly and a little nervously. 

Imogen spoke first. “I know it’s a little…PR-y as well, but that’s part of what we wanted to do. Have it be a team video and have it be very clear that everyone is united. And more than just their roles on the team. Do you guys…what do you think?”

Nick stood up, walked over to Tao, hauled him to his feet, hugged him in that blunderingly perfect way that he did. After only a second’s hesitation, Tao returned it, wrapping his arms around Nick. 

“Thank you,” said Nick quietly. “It’s - perfect.”

Charlie rose to his feet and quickly followed suit, hugging Tao after Nick released him and then taking turns with Nick to embrace Elle and Imogen as well, Wilco and Seamus and Amy and Isaac all joining in a mushy party. 

No one stayed long, the office staff members hurrying back to finalize the video and Isaac leaving with them to help with some copy for the media release, as he occasionally did on contract with the team. The plan was to release it on Saturday morning, when rugby would already be trending on social media. The idea was to get the message out there, a full week before the Badgers’ next game. It would give time for the full media cycle before anyone besides the team was in-person again, and provide some time for reactions to cool. It was also intentional - they wanted the video to get attention, to be talked about. To be clear on where the Badgers stood as an organization, united. Wilco and Seamus and Amy stayed a little longer. All of them were thrilled at how it came out, though Amy said it needed a little more redhead in it. The five of them laughed and drank for an hour, chatting about the video, the team, and life in general.

Charlie felt a thrill when at one point Nick put his hand on Charlie’s knee, and no one batted an eye. This was the first, tiny moment of the two of them touching in front of the team - in front of other people in general. It felt…natural. And right. There was no pause in conversation, no eyes that disapproved; no one reacted at all. And when they had all finally stood up to leave, Nick put his hand on Charlie’s back as they waved everyone off. It was nothing, and it was the whole world. Charlie watched Wilco walk down the hall with Seamus and Amy, his eyes lingering for a moment on the latter two. Seamus was single now…He’d give it time; let the straights try to work themselves out first. He could meddle later, if they didn’t figure out their shit on their own.

Saturday morning broke, and Nick and Charlie woke up early as they had planned. They had decided, with Lucy’s advice as well, that Nick and Charlie were going to go out of town that morning when the video was released at ten am. Charlie had suggested a few places they could go, but Nick demurred, saying that he already had a plan. Amy met them for breakfast at a place close to her flat. As they had discussed, she took their phones for the day, giving them an old-person phone with just numbers so they had means of communication for safety and a dead iPhone to take pictures. They’d be unable to easily access the Internet for the next thirty-some hours - she’d return their phones to them Sunday night, after they returned. They’d let everything settle down and just live in their own space for a bit, letting the world react as it would. 

They ate, and Amy handed them the comically large phones and the SIM card-less iPhone.

“I had to get these using a Delorean,” said Amy, referring to the push-button phones with wonder. “I didn’t know that they made phones that required physical button pushing. I got carpal tunnel just from programming in numbers for you guys.” She showed them the numbers in the phones that Nick and Charlie had provided - hers, Wilco’s, Seamus’s, Nick’s mum, Tori, Tara, and Domino’s. 

“Why…Domino’s?” asked Charlie.

“In case you get hungry,” said Amy seriously. “I mean, you’re bound to be starving after you’ve been fucking for hours.” She punctuated this last part with a winning smile, beaming at both of them.

Nick laughed loudly and Charlie groaned. “Jesus, Amy!”

Amy rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, after ‘moonlit stretches of endless lovemaking’. Is that better?”

“No. That is four hundred times worse, somehow.”

She hugged them both goodbye, collecting their phones and making plans to meet the following afternoon at her place. This weekend was the last bit of the bye week before training started again in earnest on Monday, and Charlie was glad that despite it all, he and Nick would be able to spend it together, even though it was a little different than they had originally planned. Their families and close friends knew the plan and had the numbers of the phones they were using for the weekend in case of emergencies. But barring anything unexpected, it was going to be a weekend for just them. Away, together.

They got in Nick’s car, and Charlie turned to Nick. 

“Now can you tell me where we’re going?”

Nick looked at him with a tiny smile. “No?” he said, inflecting up a little and scoffing. Charlie laughed.

They rode along, Charlie playing DJ. They talked, sat in comfortable silence, laughed, processed the video and what they thought the impact of all of it was going to be. Charlie was trying his best to not look at the road signs as they went, trying to let Nick have the surprise that he was obviously so giddy about. 

Charlie was daydreaming about an hour into the ride, staring at Nick’s thighs. They were just so…muscular. Powerful. He bet Nick could crush a pumpkin between them. God, what he wanted to do with those thighs tonight…

“What are you thinking about, Char?” asked Nick.

Charlie started. “Just, um…gourds,” he said, hurriedly.

Nick cocked his head. “You okay? You’re a little red.”

“Yeah, fine,” said Charlie, trying to control his blush. He shook his head to clear it. “Are we getting close?”

“Not too far,” said Nick. They had been headed in the direction of Hull, but Charlie still wasn’t exactly sure where they were going until he saw the signs for Saltburn-by-the-sea. 

“The beach!?” said Charlie.

“Yes,” laughed Nick. “I know late January isn’t ideal beach weather, but I told you - I wanted to take you to the beach for our first trip. And we’ll go to much warmer beaches in much warmer months, too - but I promised you we’d start at one and now here we are.”

Charlie smiled at Nick, taking his hand, and gazed out the window as they came into the little town. Nick pulled up outside a beautiful brick building called Brockley Hall Hotel. The car park was nearly deserted, the town quiet on their quick drive through before parking at the hotel, Nick wanting Charlie to get a glimpse of the ocean as soon as possible.

“I also figured we’d get some quiet time to ourselves in a beach town this time of year,” Nick added. “There won’t be as much to do, but I’m not interested in doing many things. Just doing many things…to one person,” he added with a wink. 

Charlie rolled his eyes and laughed. Nick parked and they entered and checked in, the front desk clerk overly accommodating and eager, probably because she hadn’t seen another person all day. The hotel was quiet and as deserted as the town, most people not keen on an English winter sea holiday. They went upstairs to drop their things in their room, and Charlie looked around in appreciation.

Nick had picked an amazing room. It was was a nouveau Victorian type of decoration, with a massive bed backing to a wall with somewhat camp gold-patterned wallpaper and a glittering, matching chandelier dangling from the ceiling. The room was large, with a spacious en-suite. Interestingly, though, there was a giant copper soaking tub in the room itself, conveniently placed next to a long gilt mirror. That…was going to be useful. 

They left their bags, and Nick asked if Charlie wanted to walk to the beach. They dressed snugly in the layers that the brought (Nick had thoughtfully included a few extra for Charlie) and walked the five minutes to the beach, arm in arm. Even though the streets were nearly empty, it still felt so amazing to walk together, out in the world. 

They walked down to the water. There were cliffs to their right and a long boardwalk to their left. They walked down to the end of the pier and back again, keeping close against the chilly breeze. Returning from the boardwalk, they went back to where they had started, on a stretch of sand overlooking the rolling waves, gray clouds interspersing with blue sky. Nick and Charlie stood next to each other, Nick’s arm around Charlie’s shoulders, and Charlie’s arm behind Nick’s lower back. Charlie felt Nick’s eyes on him.

“What’s up?”

Nick didn’t reply. He just leaned down and kissed Charlie, kissed him on the beach in front of a few scant tourists and locals and seagulls. Kissed him without a care. As Nick drew back, he heaved out a happy-sounding sigh. He shook his head at Charlie, the grin not leaving his face. “God…Charlie…I love you. And I love loving you.” He gave Charlie another look and then ran towards the water, throwing his hands in the air, clenched into fists. “I love Charlie Spring!” he bellowed. “In a romantic way, not just a friend way!” 

Charlie laughed wildly, the sound torn from his throat by the wind, and followed Nick in the direction of the water, staying close behind him. The wind whipped his hair around his eyes, and he was catapulted back to a moment earlier in the week.

Before they had started work with Tao on the video, they had talked about if Nick was going to tell the rest of his family - his dad and brother. Charlie had assured Nick that he didn’t expect him to or think he should, he just wanted to support Nick if he chose to. Nick had sat for a moment, collecting his thoughts and words. Charlie knew he’d been thinking about it; it had been clear on Nick’s face in quiet moments. 

“No,” Nick had said, brushing the hair out of Charlie’s eyes as they had lain in bed. “I don’t think…I don’t think they deserve it, honestly. I don’t think I owe it to them, either.” He gave a wry chuckle. “Although - they were honestly the inspiration behind this whole thing. When my mum had said not to let myself disappear, I thought about all the times I wanted to make parts of myself disappear - because of them. It’s weird to think about sometimes. Like…it both felt like I wasn’t enough and there were parts of me that were too much - like they didn’t fit who they expected me to be.” He looked at Charlie, a little bewildered. “I didn’t realize…I felt like that growing up. I feel like I’m realizing so much, now.”

Charlie had nestled into Nick’s side and laid his head on his shoulder. “You are, baby. And that’s because you’ve taken the time to, and you’ve done a lot of work to get here. I’m just so happy that you’re starting to see how ‘enough’ you are. You’re the perfect amount of Nick, Nick.” That made him smile down at Charlie. “Who knows, this might change how your dad or brother see you. But I think what you’re saying is - does it matter? People who made you feel small your whole life?”

“Yeah,” Nick had said, nodding. “I think that’s exactly why I don’t feel like I need to tell them. Want to tell them - you know, before we release the video out. This is me not disappearing. Just living, who I am.”

Charlie was thinking about that conversation now, watching Nick yell at the ocean. It was wild to think that Nick hadn’t gotten to be his whole self until this moment. And it would still take time - there’d be a thousand tiny moments and choices and coming outs and eventual media interviews. But seeing Nick now, head tilted back and chest open…Charlie felt like he was witnessing something profound, despite how silly it was, too. And he was part of it. Charlie was feeling so much of the same - able to be him. A physio and a boyfriend and a friend and a gay man and a part of the team. And so many other things, too. He thought of his own self through the years, the parts he had hidden. In the moments of watching this process for Nick, he sometimes forgot his own journey. And now, he felt his throat swell with emotion, reflecting on this perfect moment. Nothing was going to be perfect moving forward; life wouldn’t be perfect. But this moment was, this piece of clarity and self-love. He tilted his head back and laughed through tears, Nick eventually swinging back around. He saw the tears in Charlie’s eyes and went over to him, taking Charlie by the shoulders.

“What?” asked Nick, looking a little concerned.

Charlie smiled and sniffled a little. “I never thought this would happen to me.”

Charlie saw the look on Nick’s face shift from worry to a soft, happy expression. Nick seized Charlie in a hug and cocooned him in, his arms so tight and firm around Charlie that Nick’s fingers reached Charlie’s ribs. “Me neither,” murmured Nick into Charlie’s hair.

They stood like that for a while, gazing out at the sea in each other’s arms. 

“I guess the video’s been out a while now, huh?” said Nick.

“Yep,” said Charlie. “I guess that means the world now knows we’re not platonic BFFs anymore.”

Nick laughed. “Too bad. I’ll miss being ‘guys just being dudes together.”

“We still can. Mate.”

Nick hummed against him. “I’m so glad, Charlie…I’m so glad it’s out. We’re out. The way we got here was…not what we expected. But this feels right. We’re right.”

Charlie nodded and then drew back. “I love you so much, Nick. But I am also so fucking cold.”

Nick chuckled. “Me, too. You’re stealing all of my heat.”

“I have an idea of how we can warm up,” said Charlie with a raised eyebrow. “Did you notice…”

“The tub in the room?” finished Nick. “Yeah. Yeah. I did.” He gave Charlie a salacious look.

“Well then let’s get going,” Charlie said, taking Nick’s hand. “Bro.”

Chapter Text

Nick and Charlie got back to the room in a rush, the only things keeping them from pulling each others’ clothes off right on the beach being the potential indecent exposure charges and the boner-witheringly cold breeze. Back in the room, they both took in the comparative heat, with lingering shivers as they shook off the briskness. Charlie couldn’t shake it as quickly as Nick, and Nick pulled him into an embrace from behind, rubbing up and down Charlie’s arms to warm him up. 

“Th-thanks,” chattered Charlie, pressing his back against Nick’s front. He reached his hands behind him, sliding them up under Nick’s shirt to try to defrost. 

Nick squealed when Charlie’s hands hit his stomach. “Jesus, Charlie!” he yelp-laughed. 

“I know, right?” said Charlie, laughing and turning to face Nick. He ran his hands up Nick’s body under his clothes, making him squirm and shudder and try to twist away. 

“We need to get you warmed up,” said Nick. “For both of our sake’s.” He grinned. “You know sometimes when I’m really cold I can’t get warm until I’ve gotten in some hot water. But that seems to work every time. And I do see that bath over there.”

Charlie, muscles finally unclenching as he warmed, pretended to consider. “Hmm. That is a very compelling theory, Nicholas. Do you need to add one more data point to that set to just…make sure?”

Nick nodded solemnly. “Yes, I think we should. Data is good.” He paused, a look in his eye. “And actually - I wonder…” A small, shy grin crossed his face. “I like…I really want to try riding you. But I think - I could be a little too heavy for that? So maybe we could, like…try that in the bath. Because I’d be…floatier?”

Charlie raised his eyebrow. That sounded very intriguing. “Yeah? Think we can make underwater sex work, you little merman?”

Nick laughed. “I think…what if we started with no water in the tub while I,” Nick blushed. “While I got on you? And then we fill it with water and I can, like…start moving once there’s water?”

Charlie thought for a moment of how Nick would need to hover on his thighs until the water provided enough buoyancy for him to get ‘floaty’ enough. Those giant muscles tight, constricted, straining. Powering up and down, holding himself over Charlie. “YES,”’ he said, a little more loudly than he meant to. “I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT.”

Nick gave a laughing little purr and nosed against Charlie’s neck. “Let’s try it out, then.”

Charlie cleared his throat. “Um - you know the mirror hanging next to the bath?” There was a long, horizontally hung mirror that ran just about the length of the tub, about a foot above the lip of the tub. Nick nodded, looking quickly at the mirror and then back at Charlie. “D’you reckon it’s hung or drilled in?”

Nick breathed a laugh into his ear. “Ooh, yes, talk dirty builder talk to me, Char.”

Charlie protested through his giggles. “No, seriously.”

Nick smiled and released him, going over to the mirror and looking. “It’s hung up.”

Charlie quirked an eyebrow. “Think you’re strong enough to take it off the wall and, uh, lean it against the wall? Vertically, I mean?”

Nick looked quizzical for a moment. “Why would we - OH.” He immediately hefted the mirror off the wall by its edges, carefully setting it down before turning it ninety degrees and leaning it against the wall. Tripadvisor hadn’t lied; the views really were going to be gorgeous from this room, Charlie thought. 

The thought of their own self-voyeurism firmly in both their brains, they both quickly stripped off and rolled around on the bed to start, hands and mouths working one another. Charlie’s shivers returned as Nick toyed with his nipples, then intensified when Nick ran his hands up and down his torso and thighs, tickling the sensitive skin on his hip creases. Going a little mad with lust, he grabbed Nick’s hands and stilled them, lifting his chin to look at Nick’s face. 

“Hands and knees for me, baby,” whispered Charlie, and the blown-out look in Nick’s eyes made Charlie warm up from the inside out. Nick got into position and Charlie took the lube they had already put on the bedside table. He started with his middle finger and worked up to three with cues from Nick, Nick rocking back on his hand in a way that Charlie had to intentionally breathe to keep himself under control. Both more than ready, Charlie reached over to the bedside table again to take a condom, ready to get in the tub as soon as fucking possible. Nick rolled over to his back to take on his sexy, “draw me like one of your French girls” poses, though he looked a little hesitant.

Nick started to say something, stopped. Opened his mouth again. “Uh, Char - I…you know, we get our team STI checks. And the last one was - just like two months ago.” Charlie remembered. Vividly. He had elected to get one as well as he usually did, and it was a great semi-annual reminder that sounding was not something he thought he’d be into. “I was clear, and I hadn’t…I hadn’t been with anyone for a while before we were together. Did you - happen to get checked as well?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I just always do the team ones, figured it was easier, yeah? I was STI-free, too.” 

“So,” Nick swallowed. “I one hundred percent respect whatever you’re comfortable with, but I’d be fine not using condoms. At least, with you topping, I’m fine with it. It’s completely up to you what you want to do when you’re bottoming. So if you don’t want to use one now, that’s okay with me. More than okay.”

Charlie was glad they were able to talk about this. Everything, really. “I’d…I’d be good with that too, Nick - both ways. We’re both clear and I don’t want - I don’t plan on being with anyone else.” Ever. Charlie hadn’t forgotten about Nick’s cheeky reply to Olly. He wasn’t sure if it was just Nick being sassy or Nick meaning it that they’d be together forever, but it had lived rent-free in Charlie’s brain since then. They hadn’t talked about it after, but every time Charlie thought about it, his belly felt pleasantly tingly. Imagining a forever with Nick Nelson was almost too delicious to consider.

Nick grinned. “Me neither. You’re all I want, Char.” That sent another flutter through Charlie’s stomach. He raised up, crawled towards Charlie. “And fuck - I want you.” He grabbed Charlie by the hips, giving him a sharp tug towards himself. “You. In that tub. Now.”

Charlie felt a little jolt run through him. Oh, he wanted that, too. He got up, pulling Nick along with him to the bath. Nick started the water and once it was warm enough, stoppered the drain so that the water could start to fill. He helped Charlie in and Charlie leaned back against the angled back of the tub, his legs stretching long. Thank god for overly wide, absurdly sized tubs. Nick followed him in, the water pooling just in the bottom of the tub now. Nick spread his knees on either side of Charlie, positioning his hips over Charlie’s. Charlie’s hands magnetized towards Nick’s thighs, squeezing them, as Nick held himself up. Nick uncapped the lube he had brought over and hovering above Charlie, ran his hands down Charlie’s shaft, spreading the lube. He reached behind him and added some to himself, making Charlie shiver as he watched Nick’s eyes close just fractionally.

Prepped, Nick slowly started to lower himself down onto Charlie, and Charlie’s entire lower abdomen seized with the sensation of Nick sliding over him, inch by inch. Nick went slow, and Charlie could feel the thighs working under his hands, unable to stop himself from pressing into Nick’s legs, consciously working to still his hips. Nick bottomed out before the water covered where they connected and stayed there for a moment, breathing in long, blissed-out sounds. While the water slowly rose, Nick circled his hips, making tiny figure eights and grinding himself against Charlie, drawing a mewling sound out of himself. Charlie fought the unexpected flush to come right away, so turned on by Nick working himself against Charlie, the sounds he was making. 

Eventually, the water rose above Charlie’s stomach and around Nick, and Charlie turned it off. With the buoyancy, Nick began to experimentally lift and lower his hips, punching sounds out of both of them. His movements got bigger, and Charlie was nearly losing his mind watching Nick, using his arms to brace himself against the slides of the tub, arch his back and work Charlie, moving up and down. He stayed fairly deep, keeping the lube in place, but god, this was fucking mindblowing. And then Charlie remembered the mirror. 

He looked over to the wall, catching a glimpse of his own face. He’d never watched himself have sex before, and it was both somehow a little embarrassingly self-indulgent and…incredible. But the most amazing part was seeing another view of Nick, as well. Most of their bodies were hidden behind the wall of the tub, but seeing Nick’s face, eyes alternately closed and half-open with lust, was something like he’d never imagined. He could see the muscles shift in Nick’s arms and the curve of his back as he rocked himself forward and back, up and down. It was so much, and somehow made Charlie want to see more. A full-length mirror could be in their future. 

Charlie’s attention pulled between the man in front of him and on top of him, the new views from the mirror, and the intense, full-body high he was riding that was emanating from his groin. His dick won the battle though, and he clutched at Nick’s sides through his groans trying to make it clear that he was close. He grabbed at Nick’s hip with one hand and moved the other to stroke Nick, using the water to glide along Nick’s shaft and rub him against his own belly. Nick moaned sinfully and after just a few seconds, came with sounds that washed all over Charlie, seeping through his whole body. Nick’s body pulsed and his gripping, intense orgasm made him contract around Charlie, making him gasp with the sensation. Charlie followed a moment behind, spilling into Nick for the first time. Nick moaned again and was whispering that it was so good, yes, Charlie, come in me. Charlie strained and pulsated a few more times, so turned on by the idea of being in Nick, filling him. They both finished and sat in blissed-out silence for a minute, Nick partially relaxing and letting himself slump most of his weight onto Charlie. 

“Did that meet your expectations, baby?” asked Charlie with a grin over Nick’s head, buried into Charlie’s neck.

“Mmfph,” said Nick, nodding. “That was so good. The water just made it so much - easier, too. Maybe we should have sex on the moon next.”

Charlie hummed. “Yeah. Next bye week. I’ll message Richard Branson, okay?”

Nick snorted. They stayed wrapped in the warm water and each other for a few minutes until they finally separated, Nick getting off reluctantly. Nick got out of the bath first, going and getting the robes that were in their room and wrapping it around Charlie, wrestling him on the bed for cuddles.

After some refractory rest, dinner, and more watery shenanigans that left Nick to call the front desk to ask for additional towels, they headed to bed exhausted and satisfied, minds fully off whatever was going on with the rest of the world. They slid into bed closer than they needed to, wasting a fair amount of the large bed. Nick’s arm was around Charlie as Charlie looked at his phone for another moment before bed.

“What’re you Googling, Charlie?” murmured Nick sleepily, his eyes already closed.

“Nothing, love,” said Charlie, kissing Nick’s hand and clicking off his phone. His search for “copper standing bathtub cost” could wait until the morning. 

-

In the morning, they woke up early and walked the beach, holding gloved hands against the chilly wind. They nipped into a shop to buy some coffees and pastries, which they ate back in the room. By the time they left the room again in the early afternoon to get a late brunch at the hotel, Charlie could imagine the open drainhole of the bathtub and the two water taps looking at him like a shocked face, aghast at what it had seen in its 24 hours with the two of them in its room. They had worked up quite an appetite from the morning’s activities, and they had a lovely meal in the hotel’s restaurant before they checked out and went to the car park to drive back.

“Here you go,” said Nick, opening the door for him. “Your Char-iot awaits.”

Charlie paused before getting in and looked at Nick, trying to make his expression as blank as possible. “Are you done? Or are there more coming that I should brace myself for?”

Nick scoffed. “Of course not. I swear I’m done for the day. Just get in the Char, love.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” said Nick, grinning. “Now come on, in you get. With you in the car with me, we can drive in the carpool lane. If you don’t join me, I’ll have to use a Char-dboard cutout so they think I have a second in the car.”

Charlie groaned and got into the car, leaning his head against the headrest. “I give up. You win.”

Nick got in and closed his door and booped Charlie on the nose. “Yup. I do.”

They started the drive back towards Leeds. Out of nowhere, Charlie thought of a line from The Great Gatsby that had always stuck with him: “So we drove on towards death in the cooling twilight.” They weren’t by any means driving back towards death, but it still felt a little intimidating to think that they were going back to the real world, away from their tiny escape over the weekend. Saltburn had been nearly empty, and beyond the people that they’d spoken to in the shops and at the restaurants they’d gone to, they’d really not had to interact with anyone. They’d been in a bubble, and how it was time for the bubble to burst, back in the real world. Charlie felt a weird mix of dread and - excitement? It was an odd feeling. The dread was familiar, an unfortunate companion with his lifelong anxiety. But the excitement - there was still this eager sense of “fuck-it”-ism, that no matter what the reaction was, they knew themselves. They knew their team. They knew their supports. And there was freedom in that. 

“What do you think - it’ll be like?” asked Nick, echoing Charlie’s thoughts. 

“I was just thinking about that,” admitted Charlie. “I feel…anxious, yeah? Like, I hate that we can’t control people’s reactions. But that’s something I’ve always felt, I guess. I always want to control things as much as possible. It like…manifested a lot more intensely when I was younger, but I still feel it some now, too. It feels really scary to know that people are going to take what we did and make whatever decisions they do, no matter how we did it.” Nick nodded in agreement. “But also - we did it our way. And like, there’s a good part in that lack of control, too I guess.” He thought for a moment, trying to put his words together. “Like…even if we were in front of some people, they’d still react the same way. No matter how we explained it or told them. They’d like, already make their decision about what they think about us, or you, or me. And so I also think about - fuck it? There are going to be tiny-minded bigots no matter what. Or people whose worldviews are so small they can’t consider anything different at all from their own experiences. And…they’ve chosen that. They’ve clearly chosen to keep their worlds small and closed. We can’t control that. So there’s - there’s a part of me that’s like, great. You think whatever you want. We’ll be over here being fucking happy.”

Nick smiled and squeezed Charlie’s thigh, making him giggle and swat away his hand. “Sorry, love, didn’t mean to make you jump. But yeah - you’re right. As always.” He gave Charlie a glowing look. “That’s…yeah. We’ll be happy. Like, yeah, some of the comments and shit will make me sad, I bet, but you and I, us - we can be happy. And those people - if they get angry about people they don’t know being happy, they’re probably always going to be angry people.”

“Exactly,” said Charlie. “It’s…hard to shrug off people being dicks, but let them drown themselves in their own fucktitude.”

Nick snorted. “Definitely. Like - I’m sure there was something stupid trending on Twitter, like ‘ILoveDick’ Nelson or something.” Charlie snorted. “But…I don’t think I’m going to get back on, honestly. At least not for a while. It’s just not worth it. I actually gave Ames my Twitter password and stuff and asked her to change my password without me knowing what it is, and then delete it from my phone. She’ll give me the new one if I ask for it, but then it gives me another step between my dumb brain just getting curious and then actually having to see all of that. Even if there are a bunch of positive comments and stuff - in a way, I guess it’s kind of good to let go of those, too. Like, no matter what - it’s just about us, living. And everything else is just - noise.”

‘Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “You’re right.”

They eventually got back to Amy’s place, and she insisted (read: demanded) that they come in for a little. 

“I’ve been so bored,” she groused. “Elle and Tao and Imogen were all dead tired after this week so there’s been no one here for me to hang out with. I even went on a Tinder date. I got so desperate I went out with a guy who’s an amateur DJ.” She looked at Charlie beseechingly. “An amateur DJ, Charlie. Do you know what it’s like to hear a man talk about his ‘soundscape’ for 18 minutes? I do. I timed it. He compared himself to Moby. I don’t think he got the irony of that, either. And then he tried to kiss me at the end of the night and I literally ran away. Like, full-on sprint. Thank god we trained for that together.” She wrapped herself around Charlie in a hug. “Never leave me again.” 

They all hung out for a bit, chatting and having tea and coffee. Training started again tomorrow so none of them were drinking, getting ready for the week ahead. Nick and Charlie went to leave, and Charlie waited for Nick to go to the toilet before he grabbed Amy to quickly talk to her alone.

“What’s it been like?” he asked in a low voice. “Have you been keeping an eye on social media? Anything I should be prepared for, or - prepare Nick for?”

“Not…bad,” said Amy in a measured voice. “Like, truly. It’s hard to fully judge because the worst people are the loudest, but generally, people have been really supportive. The head office has gotten some sponsorship calls and donor calls of people and companies wanting to withdraw, but there’s been double the number calling to re-up or want to become a new sponsor or donor. Some of it’s bullshit, like companies wanting to show how ‘LGBT-friendly’ they are, but there’s a lot that’s genuine, especially the donors. Immy told me about one guy who called and pledged a huge amount; said he played rugby when he was younger and never told anyone he was gay. And wanted to support a team that supported a non-straight player. So that part’s been really cool.” She hesitated, not seeming to want to go on.

“No, go on, tell me,” said Charlie. 

“I mean, there’s been the small minded stuff, too. Like, some people saying ‘not my team’ and like denouncing the Badgers and stuff on Twitter and that. But honestly - I think that’s fine. Good maybe, even? The whole message was ‘this our team, accept it as it is or it's not your team’, right? So we’ll lose fans, yeah, but we’ll lose the right ones. And gain the right ones, too.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I think you’re right.” They both heard the door open and Charlie put a smile back on as Nick came back towards them. They hugged Amy goodbye and said they’d see her tomorrow, heading back to Nick’s car again. 

By the time they left Amy’s, it was already past six. They hadn’t eaten since brunch, and Charlie could see the “low battery” warning flashing in Nick’s eyes and in his general demeanor. Nick was the type who just slowly shut down when he was hungry, like a sad robot. Without timely food he’d eventually dissolve to dust until he ate, just a shell of a mopey human. It wasn’t hard to imagine what toddler Nick was like when he hadn’t eaten.

“Should we get something to eat, baby?” asked Charlie.

“Yeah,” said Nick, nodding furiously. “I’m so hungry.”

“I know you are. Should we pick up takeaway from somewhere?”

There was a little look in Nick’s eye when he replied. “No,” he said definitively. “I want…I want to go out to dinner. That’s why - the video is out, right? The team knows, the people we want to know, know…” He looked even more sure and nodded again. “I want to go out to dinner. With you. This was the whole point. Now, rumors don’t matter. Because we decided what we want to share with the world. And now we’ll just live our lives, right?”

Charlie couldn’t put into words how much he loved this man. “Right,” he said, a smile on his face. “Anywhere you want to go in particular?”

Nick hadn’t responded except with a half-smile, and Charlie was surprised, gratified, and a little unexpectedly choked up when Nick pulled up in front of Carmichael’s. This was the first place that they had gone out to dinner, back when they were first friends. Charlie remembered with a pang that night - he had unthinkingly gone to brush back Nick’s hair after Nick had mussed it escaping a spider. Even going back to that moment in his brain made his stomach clench, thinking about both of them, who they would and would not let the world see about themselves. Clearly, it had stayed in Nick’s brain, too.

Nick looked over at Charlie with his crooked half-smile. “Is this - all right?”

Charlie leaned over the console and kissed him, even with the bright lights of the car park shining into the car. “Yes. This is great.”

They walked in, a small knot of people waiting to be seated in the foyer. There was a faint whisper of recognition among several people who nudged each other to point out Nick to their companions. The person working the host desk looked up and their eyes widened under their short blonde cut. “Oh! Welcome!”

“Hi,” said Nick, with a nervous smile. Charlie felt Nick’s hand lightly touch the middle of his back as they walked towards the stand together. “Can we put our name down for two?” Charlie could hear a tiny bit of tremor in Nick’s voice, but he didn’t take his hand off of Charlie as they stood there.

“Oh, yes,” said the host. “I’ll actually - uh, yeah, I can get you two right away.” They grabbed two menus and walked Nick and Charlie back to nearly the same spot they had been before, this time behind a decorative half-wall made out of brick, away from most other people. As they walked, Charlie again noticed a few phones up, taking pictures. He saw Nick spot the same, and felt a flicker of pride when Nick gazed straight back into the cameras of the people holding them up, not hiding away, staying close to Charlie. 

“How’s this?” said the host.

“This is great, thank you,” said Charlie genuinely, as they both took a seat and accepted the menus handed to them. 

“No…thank you two,” said the host in a rush. “I know who you are. I saw the video that came out yesterday. That was so fucking cool.”  

Charlie blinked, surprised. Okay, here they went. This was real, this was all out. They were talking about this with a stranger now. 

“It’s, like - I love watching rugby, and I’m also queer? And sometimes it’s like, oh, you can’t like rugby, or you shouldn’t go to games, it’s not the place for you, right? And then you two - I saw that video and just died. I mean, you!” they pointed to Nick, “Are, like, a giant muscly rugby god. And you!” this time, it was Charlie’s turn, “are the superhot physio who’s always on the sidelines at all the matches. The rugby god and a superhot physio? It’s like some awesomely queer remix movie. It is so cool that you are together.”

Charlie could physically see Nick relax as the host spoke. He laughed with his eyes sparkling, looking at Charlie. “He is a superhot physio, right?”

“Totally,” said the host. “Listen, I’m going to tell your waiter to fuck off tonight, I’m taking care of you two. My name is Skye and I’m going to bring you some stuff. This is actually my dad’s place, so you guys are getting whatever you want. So fucking cool. I’m so glad you’re here.” They nodded at both Nick and Charlie, still beaming and talking a mile a minute. “I mean, my social media feeds are, like, super gay, but you guys made a huge difference for a lot of people. Someone made this rainbow rugby ball emoji and it’s everywhere right now. Yeah, some people are gonna be dickwads about it, I’m sure, but their dickwaddery would happen no matter what, right? Just, like - they’d be pissed about anything that wasn’t just like plain dry white flour toast. Okay, I’m gonna get you some water and bread and my favorite salad, yeah?” They rushed off, leaving Charlie and Nick in a somewhat baffled but pleased silence behind. 

“Well…okay,” said Nick. Charlie burst out laughing, both of them releasing some of the anxiety from right when they went in. “It’s…it’s out now.” He took a deep breath and looked at Charlie. “And this is what I wanted to do - go out, with you, with people knowing.” He hesitated a moment, then put his hand over Charlie’s on top of the table. Charlie looked at their hands together and smiled, looking back up at Nick. 

Their hands were still together when Skye came back with their drinks, bread, and a salad. “Ohhhhh, you two are so fucking cute,” they cooed, though keeping their voice down to maintain at least a little privacy. Charlie felt like he was being almost mothered by this wee little 18 or 19 year old, but he’d take it for one of their first “out” interactions. And clearly, their coming out had been something positive for Skye, which was already a win. “Okay, here’s the salad that the chef makes for the staff. It’s not on the menu, but it is so, so good. It’s mixed greens, avocado, za’atar toasted pecans, goat cheese, green apple, and red onions, with oil and vinegar. Enjoy, you absolutely legends. I’ll come take your order in a few - actually, no. Can I let the chef pick? I feel like I know what you might like.” Charlie laughed out a yes, that that would be great, and Skye rushed off again to the back. He took a moment to reflect on his own growth around that, allowing someone else to pick food for him. 

The salad was weirdly good, a nice mix of flavors. They chatted as they ate, and when they finished splitting the salad, Nick frowned and felt into his pocket. 

“My phone has been absolutely blowing up,” he said, fishing it out.

“Mine, too,” said Charlie. 

They both looked at their phones, and it was the team chat that was going absolutely mad. They exchanged a look when they looked at their phones, seeing the notification that there were 176 new messages in that thread alone. Charlie scrolled up and found what started it all - a picture of Danny and James that Danny had sent to the team. 

“‘Sorry to steal the spotlight from N&C’,” said Charlie out loud, reading out the caption Danny had included. “‘But wanted to let you boys know we’re dating, too. Not going public quite yet but wanted you lads to know. React with ❤️🔥if you think we’re the better couple or 💀if you’re wrong and want to pretend it’s Nick and Charlie so Amy doesn’t beat you up.’” Charlie laughed out loud and zoomed in on the picture of Danny and James. It was a smiling selfie on what he thought was James’s couch that Danny had taken, his arm stretched above their heads to get both of them in the frame. The two of them were grinning and looking at the camera, heads tilted together and looking utterly relaxed. Nick was clearly looking at the same picture, and Charlie could see the huge smile on his face.

“Bold,” said Nick. “I fucking love it.” They both scrolled through the messages, an avalanche of congratulatory and surprised messages coming in from their team’s chat. The memes that guys were sending to react were perfect and hilarious, just entirely thrilled for the news. Charlie knew that in theory, one of the guys could release that picture or share that news publicly, so it was bold in a way, but he also knew, one hundred percent, that that would not happen with this team. They had shown their true colors with everything that happened with him and Nick, and he’d trust this group with his life. At their table, Nick turned his body to take a quick selfie of the two of them, stretching his arm long just like Danny’s. They both put on disapproving looks for the picture and sent it back to the group, calling out by name the players that had responded with ❤️🔥emojis, accusing them of being traitors. Both Nick and Charlie followed that up with some congratulatory messages of their own, then silenced the chat and pocketed their phones when Skye brought over their food, which included chicken marsala, a browned butter gnocchi with sage, and small artichoke and olive calzones. Everything was absolutely incredible. 

Both of them sat in silence for a few as they ate, Charlie much hungrier than he thought he was. Nick had come back to a fully animated existence after the apps, and was now demolishing the entrees as well. Charlie watched in amusement as Nick methodically opened the calzones he took to pull out the olives and put them on Charlie’s plate. 

“What makes you think I’d want them?”

Nick shrugged. “I dunno - Spain? Isn’t your dad from Spain? I feel like your people are pro-olive, right?”

“Such stereotyping, Nick! So small-minded of you.” Charlie kept his mock-disapproving eye contact while popping the olives in his mouth, Nick laughing at him as he did. “I mean - it’s true; I do fucking love olives. But still. Expand your horizons. You don’t like them at all? Or is it just the green ones?”

“God, no, they’re all horrific,” said Nick, shaking his head and wrinkling his nose. “It was like god went, ‘let me make a grape so disgusting…’”

Charlie laughed. “You like olive oil though, don’t you?”

“Yeah, well I like the flavor of vanilla in baked goods as well, doesn’t mean I want to throw back a shot of it,” Nick retorted. “That’s what an olive is. A concentrated punch in the mouth of awfulness.”

“You have no palette, Nicholas Nelson. We need to work on developing your taste.”

Nick smirked at him. “I think I have pretty good taste. I mean, I like you…” he winked. “And I seem to remember you saying you liked my taste, if you know what I mean.”

Charlie choked slightly on a bite of chicken. “Nick Nelson. Behave yourself.”

Nick laughed. “Okay, okay. I will. For now.” He threw Charlie a wink. “Some of this is a little spicy, though, did you notice? Or is that just me? I’m roasting hot.” He paused to pull off his jumper, his shirt sliding up a little to reveal a tiny bit of his stomach as he took it off, catching Charlie’s eye like it did the first time they went out to dinner. He placed it on the chair next to him and looked at Charlie, who was staring at him, head slightly cocked. “What?”

“Nothing,” said Charlie, smiling softly. “It’s just - your hair.” Nick’s auburn hair was messy after he had dragged off his jumper.

Nick looked back at him, his eyes knowing. “Yeah?” he said quietly. “Fix it for me?” He leaned forward, just a little. 

Charlie reached out and with steady fingers, ran them through Nick’s hair, smoothing it back. Nick closed his eyes against his touch, and didn’t pull away this time, instead sighing into Charlie’s touch. “Better,” murmured Charlie, giving it one last run-through with his hand. Nick caught his wrist before Charlie pulled it back, holding Charlie’s hand next to his face. Nick turned his head and gave the heel of Charlie’s hand a quick kiss before releasing it, sitting back and looking both flushed and pleased with himself. They both sat for a minute, knowing that there were probably eyes and likely phones on them, but not caring. It was just their moment, and no one else’s.

-

The next day was their first back with the team, and Charlie could tell Nick was a little nervous. He was a little nervous himself, he had to admit. Even though he knew it was going to be all right and everyone was going to be supportive, it was still…different. Things were a little different now, and he didn’t know how different the feeling was going to be in the locker room. 

Nick and Charlie drove to the stadium together, and Charlie could see Nick’s nerves in the little taps against the steering wheel, the gear shift, Charlie’s leg. Charlie took Nick’s hand as they walked through the car park, and Nick gripped Charlie’s back, his hand slightly clammy. Charlie knew his wasn’t much better. They paused at the door, exchanging a look, and went through the door. They walked towards the locker room and were almost at the door when Nick was partially tackled by a brown-haired blur.

“Nelson!” yelled Seamus. “So fucking glad to see you, mate!” He pulled off of Nick and clapped him on the shoulder.

“I literally saw you Friday, idiot,” laughed Nick, giving Seamus a small shove. 

Seamus shrugged. “Not at the stadium, though,” he said slowly, like Nick was being deliberately thick. “It’s back to rugby, mate!”

Nick grinned. “Yeah, it is.” Charlie could see that go through him. In the whirl of everything that had been happening, rugby had kind of taken a backseat. Charlie knew how much it genuinely fed his soul; how central it was to who Nick was. And Charlie knew, right away - it was going to be fine with the team. “Let’s get the second half of the season started, yeah?”

Seamus grinned at Nick again and then turned to Charlie. “And you,” he said, wrestling Charlie into a bear hug. “You’ve been a fucking champion through all of this. You ready to take care of the lot of us again, now?” 

Before Charlie could answer, the door of the locker room swung open and Stig’s head stuck out. “Oi, they’re out here!” He glared at the three of them. “Get your asses in here, we all want to be part of the love-fest, too!” 

Seamus pushed Nick and Charlie through the door, where they met with a burst of sound, the whole team laughing and talking and ribbing one another. There was always this riotous feel after a bye week, everyone excited and eager to be back together, and this felt like an amped-up version. Charlie and Nick were separately pulled into hugs and discussions with players that they hadn’t gotten to see, particularly guys that Nick hadn’t seen yet after the France trip. Everyone was talking over one another and rinsing each other just like normal.

“Springtime! What’s up, doc?”

“Lunker, did you settle on a ring design for Emma?”

“Nicholas! Looking good there, my man, did you go sunning during this lovely English January on your trip to the sea? Tan them cheeks?”

“Yeah, I went with that tri-stone emerald cut I showed you. The moissanite one that she wanted, she said she didn’t want a real diamond to one of her girlfriends.”

“No! Fuck! I wanted you to get the princess-cut one! This is literally the worst thing you could have done to me, Lunker, ever!”

“James, how do you deal with this man all the time?”

“Ugh, just…exposure therapy, I guess. Or maybe learned helplessness?”

“When are you proposing, Lunks?”

“Oi, Nelson! You scored an incredible man there, mate. Charlie, you…settled.”

“I hope you propose with the ring on your oboe.”

“How was that beach trip you two took?”

“Still not sure - her family is here over Easter, so maybe then?”

“Seriously, the princess cut was, like, perfect. So goddamn sparkly. This is a travesty.”

It went on and on like that, a constant crossover of different conversations as the players changed and got ready for training. All of the motions were the same, shirts and shorts going on and off, guys gesturing to each other and making jokes and laughing with one another. It was the same locker room, the same guys. No one was looking askance or judging. It was…the same. Just with a little more known, a little more of everyone’s true selves revealed from the last, wild week. Charlie let the words and yells and jokes swirl around him, and looked around, at this group of people who legitimately supported one another. James and Danny were sitting next to each other as normal, variously turning their heads and grinning at conversational threads as they got ready for training, returning verbal volleys easily. They were sitting just a fraction closer than they ever would have before, and Charlie caught a moment before James got up, where he put his hand on Danny’s shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. Danny grinned back up at him, and James let his fingers trail on Danny’s shoulder for a moment longer before heading off to get the rest of his equipment. Another tiny, nothing, amazing moment. 

Everyone was dressed and waiting when the coaches came in. Coach Croft cleared his throat and got everyone’s attention, all heads turning towards him. 

“Welcome back, everyone,” said Croft with a smile. “It’s been quite the bye week, yeah?” There were a few chuckles at that. “Now after everything that happened, I don’t know how many couples there are in this locker room,” he said, “And honestly, I don’t care. As long as all of you are playing your best and no one’s distracted, there are no issues for the coaches or for this team. Got it?” There was a round of general head nods. “Good. Now, we have the Tigers Saturday. They were top of the table last year and as we saw last time, they’re damn good.” He launched into a preview of the week’s training and the components that they’d be focusing on, Amy and Charlie moving silently around the room while he spoke and Singh diagrammed plays on the whiteboard, getting players ready for training as they always did. 

“As you know, we’ve had a - trade,” said coach Croft after going through the training expectations for the week, glaring a little bit at his clipboard on the last word like Harry’s idiocy was its fault. Charlie’s ears perked up as he worked. He of course vaguely knew that they’d need a new flanker with Harry off to a new team, but hadn’t really considered that there’d be a new guy on the team. His heart sped up just a little thinking about it. They had such a great group of people now. Everyone knew now about him and Nick, about James and Danny. He felt a little flicker of nerves that they’d need to come out again to a new person. Realistically, Charlie knew it’d be a lifelong process, but still, he could feel a little anxiety gnawing at his stomach. What would this new guy think?

Coach was still going, talking about the new player. “We have a lad coming in off from one of the Irish teams. American kid, went to uni over here, drafted after his second year. Supposed to be a solid flanker. His team wanted him to play out his last match this past weekend, so he’ll be joining us Wednesday.” Croft’s eyes flickered over to Nick and James for a moment before he continued. “I don’t expect any issues, but let me know if any crop up.” He dropped his clipboard on the table and nodded. “Right. Let’s head out, boys.” The team whooped and jumped up, headed back to what they knew - playing a game that they loved.

-

The rest of the week was busy, getting ready for the fixture and the new player coming in. Charlie and Amy were back at work, assessing injuries and treatment plans. Fortunately, most everyone was fairly healthy. They’d had a good stretch so far this season, though Charlie was a little nervous even thinking that. He’d made fun of Nick for his superstitions, but he was guilty of a bit of the same. 

It was amazing how much had changed now, even in just the few days they were back. Nick and Charlie left together the nights they were staying together (which was most nights), able to wave to the team together, walk to the car together, get in together. They didn’t have to hide anymore. Charlie didn’t want to take that for granted. He knew that not everyone in the world and not even everyone in the league had that same privilege, and he didn’t take it lightly. 

On Tuesday, when Nick and Charlie drove back to Nick’s, Charlie got a phone call from Olly, bursting to tell him that he had scored during his team’s training, during a red vs. blue scrimmage. Charlie had answered it on speakerphone when he saw it was Olly, and let him go through his whole excited monologue before letting him know Nick was in the car, too. 

Olly had gasped. “Nick! Did you hear what I told Charlie?”

“I did, I’m so proud of you,” Nick called over the phone. “You’re going to be amazing this weekend!”

“Thanks, Nick!” Charlie could hear the beaming smile in Olly’s voice. “Everyone is so jealous that I got to see you this weekend. And that you’re, like, kind of my brother now.” Nick shot Charlie a glowing look and Charlie blushed. “And then there were three boys on the team who were jerks about you guys being boyfriends, so I told them I wasn't going to be friends with them any more. Any then some of my friends said the same thing, and then the rest of the team said they were being dumb.”

“Well, I’m sorry those guys were jerks,” said Charlie. “But I’m really glad your team didn’t agree with them.”

“Me too!” said Olly, his tiny voice indignant. “Our coach said that he was going to talk to everyone tomorrow about treating everyone the same.”

Charlie raised his eyebrows at Nick and nodded. It sucked that kids were stupid about it even in year six, but it sounded like the majority of kids didn’t suck. Maybe the youths would end up fixing everything after all. They spoke to Olly for a few more minutes, Nick telling Olly that he needed to call them after his fixture Sunday. It sounded like Olly was going to pick a weekend in February for the family to come to one of their home matches, and Charlie couldn’t wait to see Nick and Olly together again. 

-

The new player joined them on Wednesday. Charlie and Amy had gone early to the stadium to get ready for his arrival, meeting Seamus, Wilco, and Nick there. The three captains were with the new guy when Amy and Charlie met them, finishing their tour of the pitch and locker room and headed into the physio office afterwards. Nick gave Charlie a smile as they approached. The new guy was tall, and Charlie distantly thought he remembered that he’d be playing the blind-side flanker. He had an easy-looking smile on his face and he extended his hand to Charlie and Amy before they could. 

“Hey there,” said the new guy. “I’m Walker Ridley. Most people over here end up calling me Tex, though.” They already knew this, of course, from his paperwork they’d received from his old team, but exchanged greetings and “nice to meet you”s. Charlie had even already known the guy’s nickname was going to be Tex, all of the players already referring to him as that even before he joined just based on where he grew up. Clearly, he was used to it. And honestly, with the little swagger in his gate and the drawl, he fit the part. Walker was taller than any of the captains, but perhaps a little lighter, less bulky. Charlie had heard that he was both strong and fast. He had a mop of sandy brown hair, brown eyes, and looked friendly enough. He had a tiny bit of an American Texan accent, which Charlie had only heard in movies. 

“You’re from Texas, I’d assume?” asked Amy after they had all done introductions. 

“Well, sort of,” said Tex. “Austin.”

Amy laughed at that and the other others looked on, a little confused. She and Tex saw the various shades of perplexed on their faces and Tex gestured for her to explain. 

“So, Texas is one of the states in the US that’s like if someone farted into a fishbowl of small-mindedness and guns. And then added bigotry sprinkles on top. Unfortunately…there are a lot of states like those. But then Austin is this little enclave of weirdly awesome goodness in Texas. Most of the fart-bowl states have those same types of areas, but some states in the US are worse than others. And Austin is particularly known for being a super-liberal space in a super-conservative state.”

Tex nodded in agreement. “Yep. Totally right. You’re from the States too then?”

Amy shook her head. “No, Canada. But man, any time I feel sad about the state of Canadian politics, I just watch American news. I also lived in New York City for a year before I came over here and have a ton of friends in the States, so I know more than I’d like to.”

“Cool,” said Tex. “Yeah, I was definitely in a little Austin bubble for sure when I lived there, but I saw the rest of Texas where my family lived and - hoo, there are some interesting spots out there. But you said Canada, yeah?” He directed the last question to Amy. 

“Yeah,” she said. “Whitby, not too far from Toronto.”

“Are you a Leafs fan?”

“Fuck yes I am.”

“Ah, well that’s a shame.”

Amy scoffed. “What, the Stars?”

“Hell yes!”

“Whatever, enjoy your expansion team. I’ll just be over here on my Original Six throne.”

“I’ll be over here on my first in the Division throne.”

The rest of them watched the little verbal volley as the two of them continued to spar about NHL hockey, nonplussed. Seamus cleared his throat and interrupted. “So, Amy and Charlie are our team physios. Each of us is assigned to one of them - I’m not sure who yours is, Tex. Is it you, Charlie?” Seamus looked at Charlie hopefully. 

Charlie shook his head. “Nope, it’s Ames, since Harry was hers.” He suppressed a smile at the betrayed look that Seamus shot him. Hey, if this helped Seamus move on from Kate quicker and come to his senses, great.

“Cool,” said Tex. “I appreciate the work y’all do. I’ve heard that there’s a good staff here.”

“There is,” agreed Nick, looking at Charlie again and smiling. He then looked back at Tex, and Charlie could tell that he wanted to just rip the bandaid off right away, test the waters to see how the new guy would react. “And, uh, Charlie - Charlie and I are also dating. Just to let you know.” Charlie noticed that as Nick said this, he sidled just barely closer at an angle so that he was slightly between Tex and Charlie, as if he wanted to be ready if Tex lunged. Wilco, Seamus, and Amy were all watching as well, but trying to look as not obviously intensely invested as they all were.

“Great,” replied Tex with an easy nod, entirely unaffected by the revelation. “Where’s the workout room, by the way? I’ve heard y'all have a badass boxing setup in yours.”

Nick blinked and smiled, seemingly not prepared for Tex’s casual reception. “Uh, yeah! It’s down the hall. Come on, we’ll show you the rest of it.” He gave Charlie another grin and headed off, Tex shaking Charlie and Amy’s hands again before they left down the hall. 

“It’s nice to have another North American,” noted Amy after they left. “Hearing people talk close to normal again. God, I miss hearing the letter ‘r’ at the end of words sometimes.”

Charlie laughed. “You’re the transplant here, Ames, we’re the normal ones. And don’t get me started on your weird accent. How goddamn long can you make an ‘o’ sound? And then there are your even weirder Canadian-isms. Toques? Toonies? Hosers? Those are all nonsense words you’ve used, many times. I refuse to believe any of those are real.”

Amy laughed. “You haven’t even heard anything yet. Wait until my family gets here for Easter. One of my brothers is a Newfie and you know what that means.”

“No,” said Charlie. “I very much do not.” 

“Oh, it means he’s from The Rock now. He like, speaks a different language.”

“The Rock? Like…the Sean Connery movie?”

“No, like the entire Province, with Labrador?”

“The dog? I literally do not know what you’re talking about.”

“You will, Springlet,” she said, shaking her head at him and smiling. They walked together into the PT room, working on their tasks before training started. After a few minutes of working, Amy got a ping on her phone and snorted. 

“What?”

“Nothing. Sorry. It’s…just a dumb headline about Nick and you, after the video. From The Sun.”

“Oh, this should be good. Let’s hear it then.”

“‘Badgers Try Guy Tries Guys.’ It’s just a stupid story about you two dating, names you as the team physio. Doesn’t even mention me, which is criminal.”

Charlie made a derisive sound, then cocked his head, pretending to consider. “I mean…the poetic flow isn’t terrible, to be honest. But so dumb. ‘Tries guys’?”

“I know,” said Amy. She paused. “Have you been avoiding stuff, like Nick has? Or have you been going online at all?”

Charlie had been looking, just a little, when he thought he could handle it. “Yeah, I’ve seen a bit.”

It had been an interesting news cycle, and in the true spirit of the Internet, was already slowing down, the bulk of attention shifting to whatever was the next topic de jour. Of course, there were always the people who felt the most strongly about it, and their voices continued even when the main media attention was waning. There’d been an avalanche of support that emerged online, so many poignant stories that people had told of how the news affected them and how significant it felt to have an example of an out queer rugby player. Nick still hadn’t commented on anything, so most people were assuming he was gay, which Nick was letting go for now. He and Tao had talked about Nick creating his own narrative and explaining his bisexuality with an in-depth interview, but that wasn’t something that Nick had wanted to do quite yet. There were articles extolling how progressive and open the Badgers team was, and op-eds stating that if there had been something like this when they were younger, they may have felt more welcomed in sports. 

Then, of course, there were the negative comments as well. And if Charlie thought about it in terms of sheer numbers, the positive comments probably outweighed the negative ones by ten to one. Maybe more. But still, Charlie’s brain always fixated on the negative ones. He had taken a lot of psychology classes when he was in school to become a physio, psychology a firm part of the program. He remembered learning about the negativity bias in humans, the tendency of human brains to fixate on negative events even if there were an equivalent number of positive ones. Charlie could read ten incredible stories about how the video impacted people, and then he’d come across one picture of someone burning a Nelson jersey and that’s all his brain would focus on. He knew the psychology of it - that it was evolutionarily beneficial. Focusing on threats helped early humans survive. Constantly scanning for danger was helpful - instead of appreciating the ten lovely flowers, early people would focus on the one saber-toothed tiger that might be lurking around the boulder, and fixate on avoiding that. Charlie mused it was like anxiety - that anxiety served the same purpose, to avoid loss and harm. But in a world where the risk of imminent physical death was much lower, brains hadn’t caught up, and instead stayed in these negative spirals.

He knew, also from his studies, that fixating on the positive helped a lot with negativity bias. Charlie had made a habit each day of collecting five stories and reactions that he saw, ones that described how Nick and Charlie and the team’s video had made life better and easier for them, and wrote them down in his journal. He circled back to that ever-growing list each time his mind spun into negativity with tweets that proclaimed they’d never watch the Badgers again, or used hateful language, or any other nonsensical fuckery that was drifting around online. 

“Yeah,” Charlie repeated. 

Amy nodded sympathetically. “I know that for all the good, there’s still bad. And that’s so dumb. But people are pretty dumb, too, and they’d be dumb chucklefucks no matter what, right?”

“Yes,” said Charlie. “Nick and I actually talked about that a bit.”

“Has he…” Amy stopped. “I hope his dad and brother haven’t harassed him at all. You also don’t need to tell me anything…I just…I hope they haven’t. I mean, I saw the quick thing with David, but - I hope there hasn’t been anything else. 

Charlie has seen one interview with David, or at least just a short clip. David had been interviewed after his match last Saturday, the fixture later in the day, meaning there had been plenty of time for David to have seen the video. The reporter had asked how David felt about the Badgers’ video. David had looked flustered. “No comment,” he had said, and ended the interview brusquely. Charlie wasn’t sure what that reaction revealed. He was sure that he wasn’t looking forward to the Badgers’ remaining two games against David’s team. 

Nick’s dad, on the other hand, had called and left several voicemails. Nick had silenced them when they came in when he and Charlie were together, letting them go to his messages. They had sat on the couch together to listen to one, and thought it was in French, Charlie could hear the tone. It was hissing and accusatory, laced with anger. Nick had let it play for a few seconds, and then deleted it. He went into his voicemail and deleted the rest of the ones from his dad, wholesale, not even bothering to listen to him. 

Charlie had held Nick’s head against his chest after that, the two of them just sitting wordlessly with each other. Charlie knew it was one thing to say that the people who minded didn’t matter, but it was much earlier said than done. And it was still - it was Nick’s dad. Nick had done several sessions with Lucy over the bye week and was doing daily check-ins with her this week, as well. Nick shared with Charlie that he had been talking with her a lot about his dad. Charlie assured him to take his time, and that he’d be there for Nick in whatever capacity he wanted, on whatever timeline he wanted. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “That’s…ongoing, I think.” He looked at Amy, who gave a grim and understanding nod. “But - he’s been working with Lucy a lot. And it’s…it’s what, three, four days in? It’s going to be a process, I know. That’s what we both keep saying to each other.”

And it was. There were good and harder moments in the week leading up to their first fixture back, though the good moments outnumbered the bad by a huge margin. There was a constant stream of support at training, at the team dinner, and through even team leadership, which pleasantly surprised Charlie. The plan was that the team would play the same video again before the start of the match before the players came on the field, then the team would go out. It wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, just a statement. 

Charlie knew Nick was both excited and anxious about the match, and he felt the same way. They were prepared physically and strategically for the other team, but they had no idea what to expect from the opposing team’s players, or what the sentiment would be like in the stadium. The night before the match, they stayed together in Nick’s flat, sticking close together for the entirety of the evening. They avoided talking about the match until before bed, Charlie taking his cues from Nick. 

They got into Nick’s bed and Nick lifted his arm to make space for Charlie to slot under, wrapping it around Charlie’s shoulders and snuggling him close. 

Charlie sighed into his touch and closed his eyes. “How do you feel about tomorrow, baby?”

He could feel Nick’s chest rise and fall with a deep breath. “Nervous, a little,” he admitted. “But also - there’s literally nothing we can do about the things I’m nervous about. And we have the team.” He kissed the top of Charlie’s head. “And each other. Everything else is…noise. Right, love?”

Charlie twisted so that he could see Nick’s face. “One hundred percent right. No one on the team is going to stand for anything we don’t deserve. And neither are we.”

-

There had been one ugly, jarring moment driving to the stadium, a small knot of five people a few blocks away holding signs with ignorant statements, decrying Nick and the team and ‘gayness’ in general. The nuance of Nick being bi would of course be fully lost on anyone who felt strongly enough that they’d stand outside in January to protest someone peacefully living their life. Charlie didn’t think he’d ever be able to understand the thought process that made people angry that not everyone liked the same things they did. How fragile could a worldview be? 

Nick’s knuckles tightened around the steering wheel, as did the muscles in his jaw. He glanced at Charlie and gave a grim shrug. 

“Anyone who minds…”

“Doesn’t matter,” finished Charlie. 

“Yeah,” said Nick. “And - these people are outside. Not in, at the game. That has to count for something, right?” They had driven on, a little frustrated at the sight, but knowing that idiots would exist, always. Nick and Lucy had specifically talked about this, doing some neutralizing work around it. She'd asked Nick to do some grounding before they went to the stadium, returning to why they came out and the power that they through their coming out process. They were doing this for themselves and not fans, strangers. 

Once inside the locker room, everyone was pumped up and ready for the match. It was the same eager, intense energy that always simmered before coming back after a break. There was a lot of testosterone and adrenaline in the locker room, balanced by teammates checking in with each other and having quick, focused conversations. Before Charlie knew what was happening, the team was warmed, practiced, stretched, spoken to, taped, and off, thundering out of the locker room into the tunnel to wait. 

They all stood together, some guys bouncing up and down on their toes, others still and focused. They listened as the audio started from the video, hearing the music turn into Imogen’s interviews. Players variously pushed each other playfully then they knew there was a clip of one of them being shown, everyone having seen the video enough times to memorize it. They listened as it shifted into the interviews, and it was thrilling and a little anxiety-inducing to hear the crowd react to each of the players’ share-outs. Wilco got loud cheers as he did whenever he appeared on screen, proclaiming that he was a father. Danny got loud ones, too, as he was a popular player. 

Charlie braced himself for Nick’s clip, steeling his emotions for whatever reaction there was. He heard Nick say, “I’m a boyfriend,” and was a little taken aback by the reaction. Cheers, some wildly drawn out. There were definitely a few boos, too, but by the balance that Charlie heard, he imagined each of those people surrounded by another hundred people, maybe even glaring at those who were reacting stupidly. Nick turned his head and found Charlie’s eyes, both of them exchanging a hopeful half-shrug. That…seemed okay, right? This was good. The people outside might have had one viewpoint, but it seemed clear that it wasn’t widely represented by those inside. 

The rest of the video played, Lunker’s oboe playing getting a warm laughing welcome. Charlie heard the end of the video play - Nick saying nothing needed to disappear, then Wilco, Seamus, Croft, and the whole team confirming that rugby was for all. The crowd went wild as the announcer called for the Leeds Badgers, and the boys charged down the hallway, roaring and hyping each other up. Charlie jogged behind them with his kit, only to be stopped by Nick, who had paused before exiting the tunnel and grabbed his arm. 

“Hey,” said Nick. “We didn’t get a chance to connect in the PT room before the game.” He looked directly at Charlie, his eyes bright and determined. Ready. “Can I have my good luck kiss?”

“Here?” said Charlie. “In the tunnel?” He felt a smile creep across his face.

“Here,” confirmed Nick. 

Charlie grinned and lifted onto his toes to kiss Nick once, then once again. “Good luck baby.”

Nick pressed his lips to Charlie’s one last, searing time, then ran onto the field, Charlie just behind him. 

It was time. 

Chapter Text

Charlie took a deep breath before following Nick out of the tunnel. The volume was always astonishing when they left the relative protection of the covered space, but this week felt far more intense than any other match. In a way, Charlie had been anticipating this since the news came out - the reverberations from the fans that meant the world knew, right in front of him and Nick. As soon as Nick exited the tunnel, just ahead of Charlie, there was a swell of noise. Charlie followed close behind and ran into a wall of sound. Cheers, whistles, scattered boos, Badgers chants, feet stomping on floors, creating a rumbling swell that filled up Charlie’s chest. 

Charlie kept his head down, not quite ready to look up and see faces, not ready to see strangers’ eyes trying to catch his. His eyes cast towards the ground, he nearly ran into Nick’s back, eliciting a few louder cheers and laughs that he could just discern. Nick was standing about ten yards from the tunnel, feet planted and hands by his side. He was looking up into the stands, his head slowly moving around the stands. Charlie dodged around him and stepped to the side, not wanting to interrupt Nick’s pre-match focus. Charlie raised his head as he slowly walked towards the bench, finally taking in the stands.

Most of the stands were filled with the Badgers’ gold and blue, with some pockets of green and red where the Tigers’ fans sat. But there were explosions of color throughout the stands, in pockets of bright bursts, breaking up the solid walls of color. In one part of the stadium Charlie saw a knot of fans wildly cheering and waving, each dressed in vivid colors, lined up in the stands like a slightly drunk rainbow that forgot which color went where. There were fans wearing rainbow colors, others toting pride flags. There were some signs, too - like someone’s “#10 is #1 in my heart” sign, and another that had turned Nick’s number 10 into the first two letters of LOVE, the O filled in with a prism of colors. There were also “Rugby for All” signs all around the stadium, which Charlie realized with a jolt that Elle and Imogen must have planned as a giveaway marketing event. His throat swelled a little seeing how many people were waving the signs and dancing to the music playing over the stadium PA system, just - happy. Charlie’s eyes kept pulling towards these boisterous, cheering groups of bright and happy people, all of them cheering and toasting. Toasting - Nick. And him? Or maybe them.

Charlie glanced back at Nick, who was still standing where he had stopped just out of the tunnel, continuing to scan the crowd. Charlie could see the rise and fall of his shoulders and chest as he breathed in and out deeply. Nick’s eyes were glittering as they took in the stadium and the largely cheering fans inside, the corner of his mouth drawing up a little. Nick gave a tiny nod, as if to himself. He took in another big breath, and then turned towards the bench, something just seeming to settle in him. He caught Charlie’s eye, and the slight upturn of his mouth grew into a grin, the growing warmth something that Charlie would never get over. Not when Nick was directing it at him. Charlie smiled back, the two of them just looking at each other with dopey, love-sick beams at each other for a few seconds. And then coach Croft’s whistle blew and the moment broke, Nick stuffing in his gum shield but pursing his lips over it for a moment to give Charlie a superbly unsexy version of a blown kiss around the bright yellow insert.

The team warmed up together, passing balls and stretching. Nick was near the center of the field stretching when Charlie saw a guy from the Tigers come over that he vaguely recognized. Matt something, one of their flankers. Nick had mentioned him before; they had played together in the past, Charlie thought he remembered. He watched as the player reached out to shake Nick’s hand, his other gesturing down at his socks. Charlie saw Nick’s head draw back in quick surprise before Matt pulled him into a hug, then shook his hand again and jogged off. Matt’s path took him past the Badgers bench, where Charlie saw a thin ribbon of tape around the top of his sock, covering up the normal Tiger red and white stripe with the bright circle of rainbow tape. Charlie was fully taken aback. He knew the team, their team, had been and would continue to be supportive, but coming from another team - this was something he’d never expected. Matt caught his eye as he jogged past, giving Charlie a quick thumbs-up and smile. Scanning the field, Charlie saw a few other players on the Tigers sporting some rainbow support, though it wasn’t all of them by any means. To the contrary, Charlie noticed a few players hanging back, further away from the Badgers side. There were some suspicious glances at him and Nick, some players looking wary. But largely it seemed - normal. Players warmed up and stretched, coaches had conversations with a few positions at a time, Nick’s butt looked amazing, fans chanted - all of the normal pre-match components were still firmly in place. 

Finally, it was time for the match. The teams stood at the center of the field for the anthem, and Charlie was a little taken aback to see Wilco and Seamus nod, and they and the rest of the team put their arms round each others’ shoulders, linked together in one long line. Charlie could see Nick’s surprise too at this last small gesture, the entire team making it clear that there was no division, no differences between them. They were one team, unified. The anthem ended and the whistle blew and it was time.

It took the Badgers less than three minutes to score their first try. A penalty on one of the Tigers’ players had given them the option of a kickable penalty, but Wilco declined, clearly calculating that they’d have better offensive options. And he was right, Seamus reaching for their first try after bursting out of the maul on the blind-side. 

The Tigers fired back right away, though, recalling Charlie back to when they had played a few months earlier to a points-heavy draw. The Tigers were top of the table the previous year, and it was clear that they had deep talent. Their massive lock was able to drive up the field through several Badgers, muscling through and evening the score after making their conversion. 

The first half was a battle of wills and power, bodies going hard into one another in intense tackles that you could actually hear from next to the field. Charlie couldn’t decide if any of the hits on Nick were harder in this game, or if he just imagined that they were in his hyper-aware state. Amy and Charlie stayed busy throughout the game, intermittently treating players who needed quick attention before going back out to the pitch. Charlie noticed Tex and Nick frequently near one another on the field, working the ball well between the two of them. Tex was amazingly fast, and his try before the end of the first half put the Badgers up 12-7 before the break, even with the missed conversion. 

After the restart, the Badgers were caught on their heels by the Tigers, one of their players streaking up the field for a 70-meter dash along the left touchline for a superb individual score. Charlie could see some heads shaking in frustration, and the team drew together for a moment before settling in for the kick. The Badgers started to play even harder, even more physical, one of the massive reserves swapped in for Fitzy as a prop. They were able to drive up the field and had an unexpected boon when one of the Tigers was called for collapsing the maul, earning a trip to the Sin Bin. That was the tipping point that the Badgers had needed, and in the next phase Nick was able to push through a defender and reach for a try. The crowd went mad, as did Charlie for a moment before remembering himself and tempering his reaction. It was gratifying to hear how many people cheered for Nick, seemingly even more so than for the Badgers. People came here to support Nick, and that was truly wonderful. 

“Yeah, baby!” yelled Seamus, rushing over to hug Nick in celebration and Charlie gave his back a tiny glare. That was his name for Nick. He turned and saw Amy grinning at him, clearly catching his look. 

“Shut up,” he said before she could even say anything, his lips twitching a little as an embarrassed smile tried to fight its way out.

“Never pegged you as the jealous type,” said Amy, throwing him a wink and laughing. 

The Badgers were able to increase their lead with another try and a drop-goal, making the most of the yellow card. The Tigers stormed back a bit in the final few minutes of the match with two brilliant tries, including one from Matt. In the end, though, they were able to hold on and won for the first time that season against the Tigers, the match ending at 33-31. 

The team kept it together for handshakes, but then was riotous getting off the field, everyone cheering and slapping each other on the back. They all stormed into the tunnel after saluting the crowd, joyous yells echoing around the concrete. Charlie and Amy stayed to the edge as they always did, letting the team have their moment after a big win, but grinning along with everyone and cheering just as loud. Nick caught Charlie’s eye and gave him a glowing look, sending warmth through his body. He shouldered his way over and dropped his head close to Charlie’s. 

“Thanks for the good luck earlier,” Nick murmured in his ear. “I love getting to kiss you before matches, especially now. You’re my forever good luck Char…m.” 

Charlie pushed Nick away a little, groaning. “That could have been such a nice moment.”

Nick laughed and gave his arm a quick squeeze as everyone celebrated around them. The pack made its way back fully into the stadium, and Imogen was there to pull some players for interviews. 

“Who’re they asking for, Im?” asked Wilco, standing with her by the door as players went by into the locker room. Charlie and Amy were waiting to pull a few of the boys for some post-game checks as well.

“You know they want Nick,” said Imogen, rolling her eyes. “But Nick,” she caught him listening. “I told them no, like we talked about. You’ll talk whenever you’re ready, right?”

Nick gave her a tight smile and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Imogen.”

“So, let’s do you and Seamus and Tex, yeah?” said Imogen to Wilco, looking at her clipboard. “I know they want to ask Tex all the ‘settling in’ questions - how he likes the Badgers and Leeds and all of that, you know? Seamus can take the media one and you and Tex can do the individuals.”

“Sounds good,” said Wilco, whistling for Seamus and going to get Tex. The three of them ambled off for their conversations, the rest of the team headed to the locker room or one of the workout or stretching rooms to cool down.

Charlie and Decker were in the physio room icing Decker’s ankle after the fixture, the ankle swelling from a bad roll he had taken during one of the last phases of the match. The TV was on in the corner as normal when there was still post-match coverage going on, the team liking to watch each other’s interviews. Seamus was in the media room, answering questions from the assembled reporters. Both Charlie and Decker’s heads turned when they heard one reporter’s pointed question after a series of other queries about the match and the Badgers’ win.

“Seamus, what did you think about your teammate and fellow assistant captain Nick Nelson coming out as gay?”

“I don’t recall that he did,” said Seamus coolly, looking directly at the asker. “I remember him saying that he has a boyfriend.”

“If there a diff…?” The reporter blinked once and trailed off, but then went back in. “Still - were you surprised that he’s dating a man - one of your physios? Is the team shocked?”

Seamus leveled a look at the reporter, tilting his head just perceptibly and fixing him with a hard look. “Would you be asking me this if the person in the picture with him was a woman? Why aren’t you asking me if I was surprised to find out that Fitzy is married? Or that Lunker plays the oboe? For all you know, the entire team is shocked by that. I always thought of him as a bass clarinet lad myself. Personally, I’m gobsmacked.”

That got a ripple of laughter from the other assembled reporters and photographers, and the reporter blanched. Decker laughed as well, and Charlie joined him. Seamus was a real one. Once the room quieted down, the same reporter opened his mouth to ask another question, but Seamus interrupted him before he could start.

“Alright, let’s just say this out loud, yeah? Our message in the video was clear - anyone who’s got the skills to be a Badger is welcome on this team. We’re better because everyone brings something unique to the team, both on the pitch and off. Anyone who’s not on board with that isn’t part of this team, or this team’s fanbase. We’re a sport team. Our job is to win games and represent Leeds well. And while we don’t always do the former, every member of our team does the second part. Now, if anyone has questions about the match, I’ll be happy to answer them.”

There was a beat of silence in the media room before there was another burst of questions, asking about any plans to change up the offensive approach for the next week based on the results of the match. Seamus answered those and more, and Charlie and Decker exchanged grins. Charlie hoped that Nick had gotten to hear the interview, as well. Seamus had made it clear that the Badgers’ words would mirror the actions Charlie and Nick had seen behind the stadium doors.

-

The players had all changed and dressed, and those with family who had attended the match were headed up to the Hall of Fame room, where families were always welcomed to congregate. Charlie was finishing his work when he felt eyes on him from the physio room door, and turned to see Nick, leaning against the doorframe and looking at him. 

“Hey,” said Charlie with a smile, turning to face Nick. 

“Walk with me to the Hall of Fame room?” asked Nick. He held out his hand and Charlie’s heart swelled again, not for the first time that day. Charlie walked over and took Nick’s hand, tangling their fingers and caressing his pinkie against Nick’s. Nick leaned his head close to Charlie’s and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, which felt incredibly intimate somehow, despite all of the kisses they’d shared. Nick paused with his lips touching Charlie’s cheek for a moment before he drew back and gave his hand another squeeze. 

They walked through the hallway and up the stairs together, chatting about nothing, hands still together. Charlie drank in the warmth of Nick’s fingers, his calluses rubbing against his palm. They were just like Nick - a rough-smooth combination of warmth, softness, and toughness.  Looking briefly at their linked hands, Charlie almost felt a little dizzy, out-of-body in a way. It was like he was living in two moments - this moment, holding hands with Nick casually in the stadium with lights on, people around. But part of him also still lived in the hidden moments even a few weeks ago, holding hands only when the stadium was empty, when the lights were off or they were alone. It was wild that this was where they were now. The circumstances might have been shit, but they found out how surrounded they were by support. And now, they were just - Nick and Charlie. The same people, just…out.

They went into the room together, greeting the family members and few players that were already up. In the excitement of the match, Charlie had half-forgotten that Sarah was at the fixture until he spotted her across the room. She beamed at them. “Boys!”

Nick and Charlie smiled back and walked over. Charlie stepped back so Nick could hug Sarah first. She wrapped her arms around him in a motion that was so reminiscent of Nick’s hugs - just full-bodied and full-hearted, longer than the hugs most people gave. She pressed a kiss in the direction of Nick’s cheek though their height mismatch made it a little challenging. Sarah released Nick with a warm look and pulled Charlie in next, just an embrace of warmth in all aspects. She held him for a quick moment and then drew back, standing so she could see both of them.

“Congratulations on the match!” Sarah exclaimed first to Nick, then looking at Charlie, too. “And I’m so happy for you two, as well,” she said, giving each of their arms a quick squeeze. 

“Thanks, mum,” said Nick. “We’re…pretty happy too.”

“And Charlie - are you doing all right?” Sarah looked at him with another warm smile, but there was some concern in her eyes, too. She just seemed to care. His parents and family did, too, but Charlie hadn’t told them the whole story quite yet. He was legitimately concerned about what Tori would do once she heard it all. She’d once broken the phone of a homophobic wanker in secondary with a steel-toed boot when he wouldn’t leave Charlie alone. Charlie couldn’t imagine that she’d take this news any better. 

“Yes, I am Sarah, thank you,” said Charlie genuinely. “We’ve had so much support here with the team and all of our friends and everything. And Nick’s been amazing, too.” He looked over at Nick, who was looking at him, his brown eyes fond and soft, trained on Charlie. “Not only navigating all of this, but being there for me, too.” Charlie would have said that a thousand times over to see the glowing looks on Sarah and Nick’s faces again.

Sarah took Nick’s hand for a moment and gave it a quick squeeze. “He is amazing,” she said, looking at him. “And Nicky says the same about you, too,” she added, addressing Charlie. 

“Mum,” said Nick, giving a small grin and shaking his head. “Nicky? Really? And spilling all of my heartfelt secrets?” 

Sarah chuckled. “Darling, if you think how you feel about Charlie is a secret I hope you don’t think about MI6 as a new career post-rugby.”

Nick grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck as Charlie and Sarah laughed. Nick had been talking to his mum nearly every day with all that had gone on and clearly Charlie had been a topic of conversation. Charlie decided to keep that in his back pocket and try to… convince Nick to give him details later. He had some fairly effective means in mind. 

They all chatted for a bit longer before Nick and his mum left to head to Nick’s place and then dinner. Charlie walked with Nick and Sarah to Nick’s car before saying goodbye to them, as he was going out with his friends group that evening. Nick closed Sarah’s door and stepped around the car to stand in front of Charlie, rubbing up and down Charlie’s arms to provide some quick warmth against the chilly late afternoon air. 

“I’ll call you later, yeah?” said Nick, looking down at Charlie. “You sure you don’t want to join?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I haven’t seen the whole group in so long, and it’ll be nice for you and your mum to have time to yourselves as well.”

Nick kissed the tip of Charlie’s nose. In daylight. Outside. At their stadium. “Okay. Have fun and tell everyone I said hi.”

“I will,” promised Charlie. He smiled up at Nick and then closed his eyes when Nick dropped a quick, soft kiss on his lips. Charlie opened his eyes, a little fluttery, and Nick grinned at him.

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

-

Charlie was taking the evening to spend long-overdue time with Amy, Isaac, Tao, Elle, Imogen, and Sahar. The seven of them had planned on this dinner the previous week, when all the video madness was happening, promising that they’d keep the time sacred to catch up with one another. It would be the first time they were all together with Nick and Charlie out and the space to talk and share with each other. He rode with Amy to her place as she was hosting the group that evening.

Tao and Elle arrived first, followed by Isaac, and then Sahar and Imogen. In the month or so since Charlie had gotten to see everyone, Sahar had become a firm part of their larger group. They ordered pizzas and salads and settled into Amy’s living room. Amy had insisted on a dress code of “no hard trousers”, which she explained meant no buttons or zippers were allowed. Everyone was in comfortable clothes and lounging around, spread across the room. Charlie, Amy, and Isaac shared the larger sofa. Elle and Tao were happily squished into Amy’s loveseat and Imogen and Sahar were on the floor, propped against pillows with a blanket over their legs. Charlie loved the nights when they all went out, but he loved nights like this too. 

They all went around and shared what had been going on the last few weeks. Elle had met Tao’s mum, and Tao groused that his mum immediately loved Elle more than him, even with his twenty-five years’ head start.

“She’s brought cookies by twice claiming that she was just trying new recipes, but I know it was just to get to chat with Elle,” said Tao. “Do you know how many times she brought me cookies before Elle? None. And now? Twice. And she’s constantly inviting us round, now, too. She even got Elle to help her hang up one of the paintings that Elle gave her. Not her own son!”

“Well, your arms are basically twigs,” said Elle, her eyes sparkling at Tao. 

Tao made a melodramatic sound. “Ah! How dare you! I’m a very muscular individual!” He pushed up his sleeve and flexed his gazelle-like arms, the group all laughing. 

“Sounds like you’ve been painting a lot then, Elle?” asked Charlie. 

“Yeah, the exhibition at Sahar’s gallery was brilliant,” said Elle, smiling at Sahar who nodded back with smooth grace. “Nearly all of those paintings were purchased and it inspired me to do quite a few more. It’s really picked up - Tao and I were talking and we might try to go on a trip after the season to celebrate.”

“Where would you go?” asked Imogen. 

“Maybe Spain?” said Elle. “We had talked about that, or Italy, or Greece. Somewhere with lots of bread and olive oil and a beach.”

Charlie’s mind drifted away for a moment, thinking about olive oil. Oil, all over Nick. A slippery,  oiled-up Nick. Charlie rubbing olive oil all-

“-Charlie?” Isaac was looking at him. “You all right?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” said Charlie, reddening. Amy gave him a smirk, like she knew what Charlie was thinking about. “That sounds great, Elle. Let me know if you do end up in Spain, I can have my dad chat with you to give you some ideas and places to go.”

The conversation shifted and Sahar talked about how helpful Imogen had been in promoting the gallery. They were also planning on a trip after the season, Sahar eager to show Imogen some of the galleries in Turkey she loved and hadn’t been to in several years. Imogen recounted some of the art lessons Sahar had given her, including one pottery lesson that she said she thought would be more like Ghost and ended more like Ghostbusters, with oozy clay splattered all over the room. They had both laughed at the memory and smiled at one another, cuddled up on the floor. They seemed happy, Charlie reflected. Both of them individually and with each other. Imogen and Sahar were both planning on coming to the next team party coming up the following weekend, as were Elle and Tao. There hadn’t been a full team party with all the staff since Harry had hosted his months ago. Ah, that plonker. As much as he sucked, he unwittingly played a big part in Nick and Charlie getting together. It warmed Charlie’s heart to think of his homophobia helping create some spectacularly hot queer banging.

Imogen asked what Isaac had been up to, and he talked about an upcoming dance competition that he and Amy were thinking of entering, a partner tango showcase. They had a routine that they knew well and had performed before, so they’d been practicing whenever they were both free. He shared a little more about his book club that he was running as well, which had increased by a significant number of people. He spoke a little about their newest book, a book called Carmilla that sounded interesting. Isaac eventually shifted the flow again, asking about the Badgers.

“How’s the new guy been? The one from Texas?” asked Isaac, directing it at Charlie and Amy. 

“Oh, he’s great,” said Amy. “He’s actually really funny. I think he’s still getting to know the team, but he’s hilarious during our sessions.” Charlie hadn’t spent much time with Tex, so this was new to him. 

Isaac took a sip of his wine. “Is he going to get you over a certain other Badgers captain?” He arched an eyebrow lightly. 

Amy glared at him. “I don’t have anything to get over,” she said, flushing to match her hair. “And no, I am definitely not interested in Tex like that. He’s also dating someone still in Ireland, I think he said. But I could see him fitting in with all of us just as part of the friend group; I think you’d all really like him.”

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Nice deflection - trying to distract us with the promise of a new friend and just glossing over the Seamus thing.”

Charlie caught Isaac’s eye, who winked at him. Isaac felt safer riling Amy up than Charlie did; he didn’t have to work with her every day. 

“It’s fine to have a crush, Ames. And Seamus is cool; I think we all see why you’d like him. Literally why not just, like…try talking to him? Like, not just about rugby?” Isaac asked, rationally.

“Because!” said Amy. “Because I’m not…he’s…it –” she pointed at Charlie. “I mean for you, yeah - but also…no, because…”

“Was there anything in that speech that wasn’t a conjunction or a pronoun?” asked Isaac, looking amused. 

“Oh, shut up, Isaac,” growled Amy, starting to gather up plates and empty boxes.

“Ames, it’s been obvious for months,” said Isaac patiently. “And it’s fine to admit liking someone. It doesn’t make you weak, you know. I won’t bring it up again if it makes you upset, though.”

“I’m not upset!” insisted Amy. “I’m never upset! I am always cool! I AM SUPER CHILL ALL THE TIME!” She half-shouted the last part, and in the momentary silence afterwards, Charlie started giggling. That set off Isaac, then Elle and Imogen and Sahar, and Tao joined in as well, all of them snorting and unable to stop. Amy eventually rolled her eyes and laughed, too, recognizing her own absurdity. “Okay, fine…yes. Yeah. I…I do have a thing for Seamus. But he’s not been with Kate for what - two weeks? That’s like, criminally fast. No. I’ll admit that yes, I think he’s pretty funny and cool and all that, but no. Too soon. Not going to do anything about that right now.” She said that firmly, and Charlie could sense Isaac knew not to press it anymore. 

They shifted to safer waters, and later, Charlie shared more about him and Nick with all of them. He told them about telling their families, and how good things were between them. No one asked about Nick’s brother or dad, and Charlie didn’t offer. Tonight, he just wanted to gush about Nick, which he did, until Tao protested that even though he thought Nick was marginally better than his first judgment (a glowing endorsement by Tao standards), he could go without knowing what things rugby king Nick Nelson murmured in his sleep. All of them stayed at Amy’s for hours, laughing with and sometimes at each other and soaking in the warmth and easy joy of familiar friends. 

-

Elle dropped Charlie off at his flat on her and Tao’s way to his place, where they were spending more and more time. He texted Nick to let him know he was home, and received a call just a minute later.

“Hi baby,” said Charlie.

“Hey love,” replied Nick. “Did you have a good time with everyone?”

“It was so nice,” said Charlie. He filled Nick in on some of the particulars, avoiding Amy’s extremely reluctant admittance that she had feelings for Seamus. He was still waiting for Nick to pick up on it on his own. If Nick’s previous cluelessness set any precedent, he’d cotton on in a short six years or so. “How was dinner?”

“It was…it was kind of intense? But actually really good,” said Nick. Charlie made a small questioning sound, urging Nick to go on. “My mum and I - we talked about my dad, actually.”

“Oh,” said Charlie. “Like…about him calling?”

“Well, that’s what started it,” said Nick. “She asked if I had heard from him, and I told her about the messages he’d been leaving.” There had been a few more intermittent voicemails from Stepháne, with the same cutting tone that Charlie had heard. Nick had decided to keep a few of them to work on with Lucy. “She…you know, we had never really talked about any of it.”

“Talked about what - him calling?”

“No, like… all of it. Like, that they stayed married for so long even with him cheating and all of that. And how she’s never really said anything about him, even when he was being a dick.” Nick took a breath. “It was - you know how you think of your parents as just, like - parents? Like, I’ve been doing all this stuff with Lucy and realizing all of these messages I got growing up, and I forget that my mum got stuff like that too when she was growing up that also affected her.”

Charlie knew this all too well from his own parents, particularly his mum. Jane had come a long ways from “shove down all emotion and never speak of it again until you explode several in an endless cycle” to where she was now, but he knew that when she had started therapy, it was incredibly hard to overcome 40-plus years of patterns. “I definitely know what you mean, yeah. What…how did that play into stuff with your dad?”

Nick sighed. “It sounds like her dad - my grandfather and grandmother - their family had, like, really old-fashioned views around marriage. Which, yeah, not super weird for that time period when she was growing up, but she was saying that she’d hear her parents whisper about people who got divorced and how shameful it was and how it would inevitably ruin their kids’ lives. That if they were just, like, better or stronger or whatever they’d tough it out. Stay married. So all growing up, she always heard that divorces were the worst possible thing. And then my dad - sounds like he was pretty shitty right after David and I came around, or at least after he started to get well-known. And some of the women in the WAGS circle just said that was part of it, that she needed to accept that he’d always have something on the side.”

“That’s awful, Nick,” murmured Charlie. 

“I know. And, like, it wasn’t even that long ago, too. But yeah. She said that she felt like she’d be a failure if she left him, or would fail us - me and David. She was saying that now she wishes she would have done it totally differently - show us that respect is actually respecting yourself and your needs, not just like - ‘respecting’ some societal expectation. And l guess, wishes that she had just drawn a line and left, right away.”

“Well, yeah, I’m sure it’s easy to say that now, in retrospect…”

“That’s what I said,” agreed Nick. “And then she said she never wanted to bad-mouth him to us, because again, she was always told that family was the most important thing. The whole ‘blood being thicker than water’ stuff. So she never wanted us to think poorly of him, even if she did. And she’s literally never said anything bad about him before tonight.” He laughed ruefully, though there wasn’t a lot of humor behind it. “Oh, she did tonight, though.”

“Yeah?” asked Charlie.

“Yeah,” said Nick. “I…I played her one of the voicemails when she asked if I had heard from him. And she was livid. I’ve - never seen her quite like that, except maybe a few times growing up when David was being an absolute twatwaffle. She got pretty emotional, which was - hard to see.” Nick’s voice dropped a little and Charlie’s heart hurt a little. He knew how soft Nick was about his mum, and others in his life. That was one of his favorite things about Nick, that softness in a man who the world might expect to be hard, just based on what he looked like and what he did. “Mum told me that after her divorce, the women from the hospital just, like, banded together around her. How they brought her dinners and stuff, and just came over, and talked and listened. And told her that she was doing the right thing, that she wasn’t ruining us by leaving him. She was helping us. She was saying that it was this huge awakening moment for her. The idea of ‘found family’. She told me - she told me that she’d support anything I wanted to do around my dad. Talk to him about things, never talk to him about things, speak to him, not speak to him. She said that she was just so happy I have my found family. The team and everyone.” Nick paused. “And you. I’m so glad you found me, Charlie.”

Charlie swallowed, his heart aching with emotion. “I’m so glad too, baby. That we found each other.”

“Yeah,” said Nick, his voice a little hoarse. He cleared his throat. “So…yeah. Intense, but - also really good. I still don’t know what I want to do yet about talking to my dad, but it was good to hear that she’d support whatever I did choose to do. Or didn’t choose to do. And the more I think about it, the more I want my family to be the people who choose to love me. Us. So…yeah. I want to talk more to Lucy about it, but I’m not calling him back. Not yet, at least.”

“What can I do to help, Nick?”

“Just…be you.” Charlie could hear the smile in Nick’s voice. “Amazing, sensitive, caring, beautiful you.”

“Are you trying to make me cry, you oaf?”

“Never,” said Nick. “That’s not the type of wetness I want from you.”

Charlie snickered despite himself. “You horny bastard.”

“Guilty,” said Nick in a flirty voice. 

“It’s late, baby. You should get to sleep.”

“Yeah, you should too. Can I pick you up tomorrow?”

“In your car or physically? Because either way, yes.”

Nick laughed. “How about both?”

“Deal.”

-

The next week slid by. The Badgers had their last group round match of the Champion’s Cup on the final Saturday in January, and everyone was riled up about it. There were early morning and late nights each day that week, leaving precious little time for Charlie and Nick to be with each other. Charlie kept fantasizing about him and Nick living together, the idea of falling into bed with one another even on the busiest days desperately appealing. But realistically, they had only been together a few months, even though Charlie felt in his bones that he knew. He knew. There was no other human on Earth who made him feel like Nick Nelson did. Still - even if Charlie knew that, he thought it was intimidatingly early to bring it up with Nick. That would be too much, too soon. It wasn’t until Thursday that Nick and Charlie were able to spend the evening together, though they were both bone-tired from the week, the time back after the bye week sapping it out of both of them. 

Amy had dropped Charlie off after training at Nick’s, as they both had late appointments. When Charlie came in, Nick was on the phone, smiling and nodding and responding back to whoever he was talking to. When Nick saw him, he muted the phone and wrapped his free arm around Charlie’s low back, pulling him in close and kissing him long and slow, his tongue gentle in Charlie’s mouth. Charlie drew back with a delighted look as Nick kissed him on the forehead and went back to his call, unmuting and letting whoever he was speaking to know that he had to go. Nick hung up and set his phone down, pulling Charlie by the hips to press flush against his body. 

“Who was that?” asked Charlie, burying his head in Nick’s chest and wrapping his arms around this giant, wonderful man.

“Tara,” said Nick, kissing Charlie’s hair. “She and her girlfriend are coming up in a few weekends, she said.”

“Oh, that’ll be fun,” said Charlie. “Will they be able to stay the whole weekend, or just coming for the fixture?”

“Tara said they were going to stay the whole weekend. Her girlfriend Darcy said she wants to go out with us. She sounds like a riot; should be fun.” Nick paused. “Tara actually had me on speaker for a moment, and I could hear Darcy in the background telling me to pick out the gayest club in Leeds for us all to go to.”

Charlie laughed and drew back from Nick to settle down on the couch, Nick joining him. “I can help with that, I know a few of the spots.” He looked at Nick, who was looking a little unsure of himself. “You okay, baby?”

Nick looked up. “Oh, yeah, fine yeah. I just have never…I’ve never been to a gay bar? Or club? And like - I don’t know. Most of it sounds amazing. Like, the idea of a space where we can just…like, actually be with each other in public? I love that idea,” he said, looking at Charlie fondly. “But I’ve never been. I don’t know what to wear, or if I need to act a certain way, or whatever.” He looked at Charlie, a tiny pleading look in his eye, looking for guidance.

Charlie squeezed his arm. “That’s what I love about queer spaces, Nick. I mean, of course not all of them, but almost all queer spaces are just places where you can go and do you. And we can talk more about what you want to wear, but you’ll see everyone wearing everything. And I mean, it’s still a bar or club or whatever so there are cool people and creeps and hookup artists and all that, but really, it’s just a place where you can…be.” 

Nick nodded, considering. “Yeah, that - I’d imagine that’s the case.” He laughed lightly. “I feel like such a baby gay.”

Charlie laughed as well. “Nicholas Nelson, have you been Googling again?”

Nick snorted. “Of course I have. Google is my WebMD of sexuality.”

“And we all know how well that goes for people constantly diagnosing themselves with ankle cancer or whatever.”

“No, I know,” said Nick. “And yeah, like sometimes the stuff I find is confusing or judgmental or whatever, but honestly, it’s been really helpful finding stories of so many people who have come out later in life and are like…re-experiencing the world again. That’s how I feel right now, like I’m learning how to live in the world again as kind of the same person, but kind of not.” He looked at Charlie. “And most of it is amazing. Like…holding hands with you in the stadium is not a big deal, but made me feel like some huge milestone. Even though we’ve gone a little further than that before.”

“True; you’ve given me the best thirty seconds of my life,” Charlie deadpanned.

Nick bumped his shoulder against him and laughed. “But no…like, I feel like there are going to be so many milestones, again. Like…kissing in public, or in front of the team, or whatever. It’s just - it was so many years that I had this part of myself that I knew to keep secret. And it’s a slow process to let myself know it’s okay to be…un-secret?”

Charlie nodded. “I get it, I totally get that. I mean - it’s the same for me too. I never…I was never out out, except like, kind of at uni. I guess I wasn’t hiding anything, but not, like, doing much in public. And then…earlier, before you…” Charlie trailed off. Neither of them had spoken Ben’s name yet after everything had happened. The investigation was still ongoing, though Ben had resigned the day after the team video had come out. Charlie had heard some rumblings that the lawyers knew that it had come from inside the staff and that the focus was turning onto the sales team. Ben must have cowered away once he realized that not everyone thought sexuality was as shameful as he did. Charlie wasn’t sure what would happen once they found out it had been him. Charlie wasn’t even sure what he’d want the club to do, or what he’d want to do or say himself. He wanted Amy’s world where Ben was yeeted to an alternate dimension where he’d never have to consider his existence again. 

Nick was gripping his hand, looking murderous and nodding with his jaw set tightly. When he spoke, it was quiet, low, and angry. “You deserved so much better than that, Charlie.”

Charlie gave Nick’s hand a gentle rub. “I know that. Well, I know that now. And neither - neither of us deserved what happened.”

“No, but you–” Nick cut himself off, seeming frustrated. “Yes, we both went through - that. And that sucked and was unfair. But you - he hid what was going on with you. And we did, too. I did. And - and no, let me finish, I know - and I just…I’m glad. I’m glad that you’re finally getting what you deserve. Someone who will be in public with you and show the world how much they love you. Because you deserve the fucking world, Charlie.” Nick looked at him, his eyes filled with emotion. “I’m just - I’m so grateful that you've been so patient with me. Before, and now. With, like, being affectionate in public and stuff.”

Charlie leaned in to Nick’s side, and Nick automatically lifted his arm to tuck Charlie in close. “Baby, I can honestly say that hadn’t crossed my mind at all - that, like, it’s been too slow. And it’s like you said, a little bit of rediscovering the world and how we’re in it. And the idea of us, like, kissing in front of everyone - that seems kind of intense to me, too. Like, that’s a big step? There’s no right speed. The one we’ve been going is the right one for us, because it’s the speed we're choosing to go at.”

Nick dropped his head so it rested against Charlie’s. “How do you always know the right thing to say? Like, always?”

“Oh, I downloaded a ‘how to care for your Nick Nelson’ manual ages ago.”

“Yeah? That must be a fucking novel.”

“Nah, it was like a half-sheet. ‘Keep fed. Water often. Rub with oil for lustrous sheen. Take for regular sexercise. Sexercise may be combined with watering for maximal effects, for both user and your Nick Nelson.’”

Nick snorted. “Sexercise?! Ooh, now that was an excellent pun, my little Spanish Char-mada. I’m proud of you.”

“And I am forever rolling my eyes at you.”

They had to settle for feeding and watering their Nick Nelson only, both of them physically exhausted and ready to recharge with a good night’s rest, always connected in some way as they slept. They had the team party coming up that weekend, and all day Sunday together. Alllllll day Sunday.

-

The next day was their final day of training before the last match in their group round for the Champion’s Cup. After this, they’d have a nice stretch where all they had to worry about was their own league before the knockout round started. This match was a crucial one, and would determine if they ended up in Tier 1 or Tier 2. They all desperately wanted to be in Tier 1, as that meant they’d be matched up against Tier 4 teams. There was of course no guarantee that they’d win those, but the Tier 2 vs. Tier 3 matches tended to be tighter. There was also just a nice mental comfort if they did end up being Tier 1, a confirmation of the work that the team had put in this year. With the pressure of the fixture mounting, passions were high, and training on Friday was intense. 

After one play set that didn’t go right, some of the players were frustrated and arguing, which wasn’t atypical. But still, the mood was tenser than normal as everyone came into the locker room, still trying to figure out what went wrong and how to make it right before the next day.

“Lads, we need to settle it down,” said Wilco. “We’ll be right. We’ve trained well all week. One shitty set isn’t going to decide the tone of the game.” There was nodding and agreement at that, though some of the boys still looked a little discouraged. 

“But Cap,” said Tex. “I think all of us are just a little worked up, yeah? This game is like a bunch of cows smoking weed,” he said. Faces turned towards him, laced with confusion. “The steaks are high,” he explained with a grin, to a mix of groans and laughter. 

“Yes, Tex!” exclaimed Nick, slapping him on the back and laughing loudly. 

Seamus took his phone out of his pocket and put it up to his ear, pretending that he was receiving a call. “Oh, coach? What was that you said? Tex is fired and has to go live in Ulster again? Great, I’ll tell him.” He put his other hand over the phone, covering it, and turned to Tex. “Yeah, sorry mate, change of plans with you on the team. Coach says no one likes you and you have to leave and that your salary is being donated to the team party fund.”

Nick put his arm around Tex. “That’s an abuse of power there Tex. Don’t worry. These boys just don’t understand the true pun-acle of humor.” There was more groaning at that, Charlie joining. The pall in the locker room had changed, lightened. Charlie watched it all and grinned. This team. Someone was always willing to step into a role needed, whether it was on the field or as a substitute little sibling, reminding everyone to knock it off and not take it so seriously. 

The pre-match walkthrough went smoothly the next day, the morning of the fixture. The team dinner the previous evening had been lighthearted and relaxed, everyone settled back in and eager to see what they could do against the Vodacom Bulls. There was a big series of away matches coming up in February - three weeks in a row, in fact, before their home match that Tara and Darcy were coming into town for. The team was glad to have this be their last home stand for a while, especially with it being such a significant match. 

The Bulls were a South African team, and this was the first time that the Badgers were playing them. The team, coaches, and captains in particular had watched hours of tape on them, Nick had chattered about them endlessly, and Charlie felt like he knew several of their players already. Massive loosehead prop. Fast number 8. Small but shifty fly-half. They’d been in Leeds for a few days, needing some time to settle in with the jetlag. Charlie didn’t envy the teams that had to travel by air. It was a bit more luxurious than the team bus, yes, but the constant re-adjustment of time was not something he was interested in. 

In the tunnel, Nick fell back with Charlie for a moment, giving him a quick kiss before following the team to the field, thinking that everyone was already out. They both blushed when Seamus breezed past them, neither realizing that he had lagged behind everyone. He gave a quick whoop and slapped Nick on the shoulder as he ran by. 

“Get it, Springtime!” he shouted over his shoulder.

Charlie groaned and Nick chuckled. “He’s just jealous. Once more for luck?”

“We can’t get less lucky, I supposed,” admitted Charlie, kissing Nick once more. “Get going, you rugby lad.”

Nick gave Charlie a dazzling look before sprinting off behind Seamus, joining the team. 

The match was…interesting. Charlie noticed two of their players giving some sideways looks to Nick as the teams warmed up, one of them nodding towards him and saying something to his teammate. It was a reminder that not all teams would have the same mindset as the Badgers, and Charlie felt his heart speed up a little before the first kick-off, hoping that it’d all be fair play.

And it was, mostly, though a physical game. One of the players Charlie saw looking at Nick seemed to be targeting him with his tackles, always doggedly close. He kept it up until Wilco eventually lost his patience, throwing him to the ground in a questionable tackle that earned him a ten-minute sit in the Sin Bin but got him to back off. On Wilco’s walk to the bench to sit his penalty, Charlie saw him wave a finger at the player, the message clear - don’t fuck with my team.

Despite the physicality, the Badgers were clearly the better team, and they won impressively, 45-18. With the win, they were solidly in Tier 1 for the knockout round, and Charlie knew it was going to be a fun night at the team party.

-

The players were getting changed, the majority of them going straight out to the bar afterwards, the team providing a bus as it sometimes did when there was a big team even like this. The locker room was in one of those whirls of talk that Charlie loved, a verbal tennis match that was nearly always impossible to follow but fun to try. 

“What time do you think we should tell people joining us to be there?”

“Oh, sorry, can you speak up? Can’t hear you over how fucking loud Danny’s shirt is.”

“Bright patterns are a fine Australian custom. Do not disrespect my people, you uneducated beige squirrel.”

“Tell them to come at like half nine so we have time just the team and stuff before other people show up.”

“Where do you even get parrot print on pink fabric?”

“Decker, is your mate from uni still coming?”

“My parrot shirt? I got this at Ligma.”

“Yeah, I think a whole lot of them are coming, actually.”

“What’s Ligma? Never heard of that.”

“Oh, sorry mate, the full name of the store is actually Ligma Balls. Fuck you, this shirt is a delight and so am I.”

“You walked right into that one, Fitzy.”

“James? Your thoughts?”

“...Half of what he said is true.”

“Betrayal! Backstabbery! Woe!”

Once everyone was showered and changed and ready, they all piled onto the bus. Wilco turned some music on over the speakers, and canned cocktails and beers were passed around. Sitting next to Nick, Charlie took one of the canned G&Ts, and instinctively sipped it slowly, his muscle memory nudging him to keep his drinking under control before a party with Nick there too. But then he realized - they didn’t need to do that any more. He could drink however much he wanted - he could, theoretically, touch Nick however much he wanted. It was okay if a stray hand went to a back, or drifted onto a shoulder, or squeezed a knee. That was another one of those insignificant, but hugely significant milestones that Nick had mentioned. Charlie took a deep drink of his cocktail and looked over at Nick, who was grinning.

“What’re you so happy about, rugby lad?” asked Charlie, turning to look at Nick and returning the smile. 

“Just excited for the party,” said Nick, dropping his head a little closer to Charlie’s. “And, um, excited for some new stuff I got for my place yesterday.”

“Some new stuff?” asked Charlie, genuinely confused.

“Yeah,” said Nick. “I got a couple of things that I think - I think might be kinda cool. And I think you might like it, too.”

“Oh yeah?” said Charlie, raising an eyebrow. “Wanna tell me what it is?”

“No,” said Nick, considering. “I want to show you. Charles Spring - will you have a sleepover with me tonight?”

Charlie laughed. “Yes, as long as my mum says it’s okay and we go to bed at a reasonable hour.”

Fitzy and Decker popped up over the seat ahead of them, turning back to look at Nick and Charlie with matching cheeky smirks. “Can we come to the sleepover, too?” asked Fitzy. He winked at them. “Just a fun boys’ night?”

“Fuck off, Fitz,” said Nick cheerfully. 

“Right-o, Nelson, love you,” said Fitzy affectionately, dropping back into his seat with Decker, laughing.

“We’ll talk about what’s at my place - later,” said Nick, squeezing high on Charlie’s thigh for a fraction of a second and making him gasp a little. They spent the rest of the bus ride chatting with each other and the team, everyone in high spirits and already feeling loose and ready by the time they arrived at the bar. 

Imogen had booked another great place, a converted warehouse. The large central bar divided the place into two halves, and one half was entirely reserved for the Badgers and their guests. There was a large dance floor and many high-top tables, a nice set-up to chat and get rowdy as the night went on. There was a tab to start the night, and Charlie ordered drinks for him and Nick. They stood close and mostly stayed with one another, Charlie reveling in the fact that they could now. They could be close and not worry at all about what anyone thought. They could drink as much as they wanted and not worry about what they might do, any shows of incidental affection.

It was so freeing and a little giddy whenever Charlie did feel Nick’s hand on his elbow, threading between tables, or when Nick’s fingers trailed between his shoulders after giving his neck a quick, blink-and-you-miss-it squeeze. And Charlie saw the same thrilled, happy look on Nick's face whenever he did similar things, once grabbing Nick’s forearm and laughingly protesting at something he said as they spoke to some of the boys, Nick looking down at Charlie’s hand with a soft smile. They found themselves at a table with Wilco and Annette at one point in the evening, watching as everyone slowly slid into drunkenness, the dance floor starting to pick up. James and Danny were already out there with Amy, Danny and Amy putting on a show for everyone with cartoonish dance moves, switching with each other periodically to see who could come up with something more ridiculous. Danny had just bellowed, “Making the pizza!” and was kneading, stretching, and tossing pretend dough, his parrot shirt unbuttoned more than was socially acceptable. James was laughing, watching Danny and Amy with bright eyes. Amy eventually took over with her patented “Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arm Guy”, where she planted her feet and let her arms and torso go wild like the blow-up tube figures that businesses use for advertising. Danny worked his way back to James, putting his arm around him, James laughing and protesting at his sweaty body. Charlie watched as Danny pressed a dramatic, showy kiss on James’ cheek, James still trying to faux-escape. He turned his attention back to the table to see Annette beaming at him. Nick and Wilco were deep in conversation and Annette slid over closer to Charlie.  

She nodded towards Danny and James. “It is good to see them happy, yes?”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. “Although I don’t know how happy James is at the moment with how Danny must be after dancing for a full hour.”

Annette smiled, looking back at the two of them again. “I rarely saw him smile like that, when he lived with us.” She looked back at Charlie. “Do you enjoy dancing?”

Charlie wrinkled his nose and gave a shrug. “Enjoy? Yeah, a bit. Good at? Not really.”

“Oh, get out of your head, you silly man. Finish your drink and come to dance with me!” said Annette, tugging him on the dance floor. 

Charlie threw a “save-me” look at Nick as Annette firmly marched him to the dance floor, Nick and Wilco giving him matching, massively unhelpful grins as they watched Annette pull him away from the table. 

Despite what he said to Annette, between his natural rhythm with drumming and having spent so much time with Amy, who loved to dance, Charlie wasn’t a terrible dancer, just always a little nervous about being on show and the idea that people might be looking at him. He started somewhat timidly, but grew in confidence as Annette and others joined him, flowing with the music and spilling their drinks a little and just…being. Amy joined their little group, as did James and Danny, backing up to make more space when Wilco dragged Nick over as well. 

As the music shifted, James and Danny paired off, as did Wilco and Annette, dancing with each other but all still around the full group. One of Charlie’s favorite bands, Chvrches, came on, with one of his favorite songs in their catalog, Clearest Blue. Amy’s eyes were closed, spinning in her own world, fingers towards the ceiling, body moving. Annette and Wilco and Danny and James were near them as well, bodies close. Nick came nearer to Charlie and they stood nearly chest to chest, half-dancing and half-not, surrounded by some of their friends. 

Light is all over us

Like it always was

Like it always was

Shaped by the clearest blue

Nick came a little closer, putting his hand on Charlie’s hip and gently swaying, Charlie doing the same. “Your eyes look amazing tonight,” he murmured. Charlie had worn a cerulean shirt that he knew made his blue eyes sparkle. Charlie smiled at Nick, giving him a little wink. He heard Nick give a tiny sigh, his eyes still trailing on Charlie’s, looking at every inch of his face with a loving expression.

Whenever I feel it coming on, you can be well aware

If ever I try to push away, you can just keep me there

So please say you'll meet me

Meet me halfway

“I love that we get to be here, Nick,” said Charlie, moving a little closer. They were both even more into the music now, Nick’s nerves at dancing, which he claimed earlier to be absolutely not able to do, seemed to dissipate. “Together, like this. Even with everyone here.”

“I do, too,” said Nick. He was moving his hips a little more now, and Charlie felt the magnetic pull of his body. He wanted to be touching Nick. Pressed against Nick.

You were the perfect storm

But it's not enough

It's not enough, not enough, not enough

They came even closer to each other, and Nick’s arm wrapped around Charlie’s back, pulling him tightly to his body. They danced for a moment, eyes locked, tiny smiles on their lips. As the music swelled, the crowd shifted, and to their side, Charlie caught sight of Imogen and Sahar. Imogen was wearing a sparkling short dress over a long-sleeve white top, dancing with Sahar, in jeans and a flowing black top that moved around her like water. They were bouncing and dancing happily, shoulders shimmying back and forth in time with the music, which was seemingly to get even louder, pulsating through Charlie’s chest and thrumming his heart. 

As the bridge of the song approached, Charlie saw Imogen come down off her toes first, looking at Sahar and taking Sahar’s hands in her own. Sahar smiled back at her, and he saw Imogen step closer, her head tilted as she looked at Sahar.

Tell me, tell me you'll meet me

Tell me, tell me you'll keep me

Tell me, tell me you'll meet me

Will you meet me more than halfway up?

Sahar gave a tiny nod, and Imogen pressed her lips against Sahar’s, their bodies close together as they kissed, arms round each other, the music at a crescendo around them. Charlie could see Nick’s head turned as well, watching them. Sahar and Imogen separated with huge grins as confetti rained down around all of them, looking up at the ceiling in wonder. The DJ had turned on the disco balls that hung above, and the entire party was alight with sparkling rays of rainbow color, making it seem like the confetti was glittering. Imogen now was spinning around in wonder, Sahar laughingly joining her. Charlie could have watched their joy for hours, but perhaps the most incredible thing was watching Nick’s face. Nick had watched Sahar and Imogen like he was realizing the full beauty of the world around him for the first time, the possibilities that there were. There was a wondrous expression on his face as he watched them kiss and dance, his face melting into one of those side-smiles that drove Charlie mad, his face turning back towards Charlie as the music throbbed through Charlie’s chest.

Shaped….by…

Clearest blue

Nick looked back at Charlie, and Charlie drew close to him, pressing their bodies so they were glued together. Charlie laced his hands around Nick, pulling him close with one hand behind his neck, the other pressing between his shoulders. Nick was holding Charlie by the lower back, his fingers pressing into Charlie’s skin and muscle. Nick looked down at Charlie, and Charlie knew he wanted to know if it was okay. He breathed, yes, and Nick’s mouth was on his, and his was on Nick’s. He heard cheers around them and didn’t know if it was because of them, the song, the confetti, Imogen and Sahar, or for no reason at all. And it didn’t matter. Charlie trailed a hand into Nick’s hair and Nick pulled him closer, opening his mouth slightly to connect even more deeply with Charlie’s.

Shaped (will you keep it half-a-way?)

By clearest blue (will you keep it, half-a-way?)

Shaped (will you keep it, half-a-way?)

By clearest blue (will you keep it, half-a-way?)

They had the rest of the night with everyone and the promise of the next day with just the two of them, but for now, there was nothing else. There was only this. Charlie closed his eyes and smiled and met Nick’s lips halfway between them again, kissing this man that filled up his whole heart without another care in the world.

Chapter Text

Emotionally both Nick and Charlie had wanted to hook up after the party, but their bodies had other ideas. This had been their first time being able to be as drunk and affectionate as they wanted to, and they were both dead pissed when they got home. Nick had slurringly asked if Charlie wanted to have sex, and Charlie had giggled that he thought it would be like trying to get a limp eel into a keyhole. That had been the effective deadly blow to the already-struggling mood, and they settled for a sloppy makeout on the bed, both falling asleep fully clothed. 

Charlie woke up at one point in the night, bewildered at how constrained his feet felt until he realized he was still in his shoes. He disrobed and then took off Nick’s shoes and socks as well, and unbuttoned his shirt, Nick a dead lump of sleeping rugger. He tried to pull off Nick’s trousers as well, but Charlie couldn’t work them past the swell of his massive, muscular bum and gave up, the trousers open and half-down Nick’s hips. He went back to sleep until they were both awoke by some of the most aggressive sunlight and birds that Charlie had ever experienced.

Nick stirred and groaned. “Charlie. Make the birds be quiet, please. I hate the birds.”

Charlie gave a weak, defeated sound. “Only if you turn off the sun.”

“Deal.”

They lounged around for another few minutes, alternately grumbling and bemoaning every decision they had made that had landed them feeling this way. 

“Did we take shots at 1:30?”

“Urk. Don’t say shots.”

“Oh god. You just said shots and I think my stomach just bolted.”

“Ohmigod, stop saying shots.”

Nick dragged himself out of bed first, getting them water, paracetamol, and plain crackers. He had brought his laptop, too, and the two of them watched Escape to the Country episodes until they felt well enough to make it to the couch. They ordered food and recovered for a bit, both drinking water and managing some food down. Still, it wasn’t until late that afternoon that both of them were somewhat back to normal. Charlie convinced Nick to go for a walk, and after the brisk evening air and some hot showers, they were both feeling back to themselves. And Charlie was feeling more than that, too - he was feeling ready for some long-overdue Nick action. Something was niggling in his brain, too - something that Nick had said the night before. What was it - on the bus? Something he wanted to show Charlie?

Nick was at the kitchen island, stirring a soup that he had started that afternoon for dinner. Charlie went up behind him and wrapped his arms around Nick’s back, running his hands over Nick’s chest and abs. “Baby?”

Nick leaned his head back to gently bonk Charlie’s. “What’s up, love?”

“You said something yesterday about getting some new stuff for your place. On the bus before the bar? What did you get?”

Nick turned and slid his hands around Charlie’s waist. He grinned cheekily. “Oh, that,” he said. “Well…I got something that I thought could be just a nice addition to the place. I was a little inspired when we went to that place in Saltburn, the whole setup that we had when we were there.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow, a grin growing on his face. “Are you somehow hiding a copper bathtub that I missed in my drunken state?”

Nick laughed. “No, but fuck, I wish. That thing was-” Nick made a ‘chef’s kiss’ motion. “No, I was inspired by the other part. Do you want to see?”

“Is that even a question?” demanded Charlie. “Yes, you auburn rugby sex god of horniness, I want to go to wherever and whatever this new thing is!”

Nick laughed again and said, “Follow me,” in a purring voice. Charlie followed him up the stairs to the guest bedroom, which they spent almost no time in as they were typically in Nick’s room or somewhere downstairs. The guest room had its own en-suite, which was nice when people were staying with Nick and made it easier for him to host visitors. The large bedroom was rectangular, and then there was a little hallway that led to the en-suite. That mini hallway had a small alcove tucked along it, just a meter-square floor space set back further into the wall. The alcove might have been meant for a little make-up area, with a light right above the pushed-out portion. This little spot had been empty as long as Charlie had seen it, but now, there were three full floor to ceiling mirrors in the recessed space, one on each wall. Tucked in as well was a narrow padded bench, spanning most of the back wall of the little area. On the third wall of the alcove, there were a series of small floating wooden shelves, jutting out about 8 inches, each about a foot from each other vertically, mounted on gaps that had been cut out of the mirror so they could anchor into the wall. They were stylish and made out of nice-looking wood, a rich dark color. There was nothing on them, though again, it could be a nice place to apply makeup or get dressed with multiple angles and ways to see yourself.

“What do you think?” asked Nick, his eyes sparkling.

“It’s great,” said Charlie, looking at the space and admiring. “But - what’s it for? Just, like, when people come to stay?”

Nick chuckled and nuzzled into Charlie’s neck. “Remember the mirror next to the tub at that hotel?”

Oh, Charlie did. He made a pleased purring sound as Nick worked his neck. “Mm, I definitely do.”

“Well, I fucking loved that,” said Nick. “But the tub blocked a lot of the view. This way-”

“Oh!” exclaimed Charlie, his brain finally catching up. Clearly the hangover was keeping him a little slower on the uptake than he would normally be. “Ohhhh…oh. Oh, YES. And the shelves are for…”

“Leverage,” said Nick with a wink. “And, like - we’ve done it before from behind and it feels so good, but I don’t like not being able to see your face when we do it that way. With the mirrors, I can see you the whole time.”

Charlie laughed, his belly swooping at both how excited he was for this and at how much of a simp Nick was. Like, probably used as one of the examples for the word’s entry on Urban Dictionary. And Charlie wouldn’t change it for the world. And what a perfectly Nick way to do this, too - in a nice-looking space that guests could use for getting ready without automatically clocking the area as “Nick and Charlie voyeuristic sex-corner”. Though he was sure it wouldn’t escape some of their more adventurous friends.

“You probably spent a lot of money on this, Nick,” said Charlie seriously, trying to make his face look as neutral as possible. “We should give it a try - you know, to bring down the per-use cost.”

Nick nodded, playing along. “This is my investment strategy. I’m glad you see it the same way.”

Charlie grinned, and Nick grinned back. And then as if by an ungiven cue, they magnetized towards one another, hands and mouths working each other. Charlie loved the feel of Nick’s hands on him, the combination of his gentle, caring hands caressing him, but with the scrape of his callused fingers and the tight, firm pressure that he applied when he got aroused - it was a heady combination that Charlie never got sick of. Clothes were quickly discarded and Charlie’s skin was heating up, radiating like he was burning from within. Which he was. He was aching for Nick, wanting so badly to be filled. He whispered that to Nick and Nick moaned, jerking Charlie towards his body with one of those rough-tender moves that drove Charlie mad. 

“Get on your hands and knees on the bench for me, angel,” said Nick. He disappeared for a moment, leaving quickly to get the lube and then coming back, placing it on one of the shelves for a moment and then running his hands along Charlie’s body, trailing with his mouth, leaving kisses that felt like they were imprinted into Charlie’s skin. He knelt behind Charlie and spread his cheeks, massaging the muscle and ghosting his breath along Charlie’s ass and lower back. He made a small questioning sound and Charlie wriggled his hips in response, making Nick chuckle. Nick pressed forward and started with light, teasing laps of his tongue, making Charlie sigh and whimper a little. Nick went in harder, alternating pressure and keeping Charlie guessing, squeaking a little bit with the teasing and surprise. Charlie could feel his dick heavy between his legs, incredibly turned on even without any touching so far.

Nick drew back and Charlie whined at the loss, not even ashamed of how needy he sounded. He was needy; he needed this. Needed Nick right now. Nick uncapped the lube and started with his middle finger, quickly working to two and then three, his earlier attentions having helped get Charlie prepped. Charlie was pressing back on his hand within a couple minutes, mumbling words that he wasn’t even fully conscious of. Nick pulled his hand away and Charlie groaned again, not wanting the emptiness; craving to be filled. 

“You want me inside you, Char?” Nick’s voice was rough and gravely in a way that just increased Charlie’s desperation. 

“Yes, now, please Nick, yes,” said Charlie.

Nick made a pleased, low sound that sent a shiver running through Charlie’s whole body. He ran his hands along Charlie’s body and met his eyes in the mirror,  “Do you want to start like this? Or standing?”

“Mm,” said Charlie, approximately 3% of his brain functional at this point. “Standing, yeah.” He got up and Nick guided him towards the shelves. 

“Want to try to put one of your feet on one of the shelves and see how that feels?” Nick was behind him, squeezing his sides, his shoulders, his hips. Charlie nodded, breathless with anticipation. He propped one foot up on one of the lower shelves, then moved it up to a higher one, his foot resting at a height that was between his opposite knee and hip. He leaned his torso forward a little, hand against the mirror. They could worry about fingerprints later. They’d probably have other things to clean up, as well…

Nick moved behind him, one hand wrapping around his chest to brush his chest, then playing with Charlie’s nipples for a moment and making him inhale. “You ready, love?”

“Yes, please Nick,” said Charlie, looking at him from the mirror. Nick stepped close and used his free hand to guide himself into Charlie, taking a wide, bent-knee stance to make the heights work. Charlie gasped as Nick pressed inside, shaking his head at Nick’s momentary worried look. “No, no, so fucking good. Keep - yeah. Keep going.” Nick pushed in slowly, Charlie nodding like his head was on a string. Nick pressed all the way, his hips pressing against Charlie’s cheeks. His eyes were on Charlie’s in the mirror, blown out and intense. “Go,” choked out Charlie, already feeling so full, so good. Nick flexed up, drawing an uncontrollable sound out of Charlie, one of absolute satisfaction. “Oh, fuck, yes,” said Charlie, his palm splayed over the mirror to the right of the shelves. “Yes, baby, yes.”

Nick made a low rumbling sound, his eyes locked on Charlie. Charlie had never even posted a solo selfie on social media; wasn’t one for self-adulation normally. But watching Nick watching him was an unbelievable experience. Nick seemed hypnotized, his whole self trained on Charlie, his dick feeling even harder in Charlie than normal, though that could be Charlie’s imagination. Nick pressed up again and again, at one point pushing Charlie onto his tiptoes and making Charlie squeal with pleasure. Charlie learned forward to grip one of the higher shelves with his hands, bending at the waist, and Nick groaned. 

“Fuck, Char, seeing you like that - I - fuck, I can’t, I’m coming, fuck, I’m coming!” Nick gasped and Charlie could feel it as his hips bucked up and into Charlie, pulsing along with his dick as he finished. He closed his eyes for one moment, drinking in the moment, then stayed in Charlie, reaching for the lube (handily placed on one of the shelves - good for more than just sex) to grip Charlie. The combined sensation of Nick inside Charlie, still full and thick, and Nick’s hand working him set Charlie over the edge within thirty seconds, and he shuddered with the orgasm thundering through him, painting the mirror in front of him as he came. Nick watched him with lusty eyes, clearly enjoying this nearly as much as Charlie. Once Charlie sighed and settled back, Nick wrapped his arms around him. He carefully withdrew, making Charlie whine again. He came back with towels and wet wipes to clean up, then pulled Charlie onto the duvet of the guest room bed to cuddle. 

“That was…” Charlie started. 

“My fantasy? Like, my ultimate fantasy?” murmured Nick, eyes closed. “Getting to watch you like that? Fuck, Charlie, I am an investment genius.”

Charlie laughed aloud. “That was fucking unbelievable, Nick. Now we just need to work on getting that cost-per-use down, yeah?” He wasn’t too worried, himself. He assumed that he and Nick would get that per-use cost down to pennies on the dollar within the month.

-

The next few weeks were exhausting. The Badgers traveled to London, Bath, and Northampton for three weeks of travel in a row, winning against the Harlequins and Saints but dropping the fixture against Bath. They were truly playing some of their best rugby as a team for the last month, the Bath fixture aside. Even that match they had played well; they just couldn’t overcome a tremendous defensive display that the other team had put on. And generally, all of the teams that they played seemed very understated about Nick, or Charlie for that matter. There were typically a few guys who said or did something supportive, a few guys who were homophobic pricks at least to some degree, and then 90% who seemed to not give a shit and just wanted to play rugby with the best players, regardless of who they were. That had been a gratifying and surprising experience - realizing that most of the players seemed nonplussed either way.

This road series was the first time they’d traveled since everyone knew about Nick and Charlie, and it was an entirely different experience now. They walked to and from their room - their room together, although Charlie usually insisted on letting Nick sleep solo before the match itself, even though Nick protested that he slept better with Charlie. Charlie still never wanted to be a distraction, aware that focus was intensely important before matches. Before the Northampton match Nick had finally coaxed Charlie into staying with him, winning the argument by wrapping himself around Charlie from behind, caging in Charlie’s torso with his arms and wrapping his legs around Charlie’s. Charlie felt the squeeze from Nick’s thighs and knew it was game over. It was fighting dirty and Nick knew that. Still, Charlie loved that Nick wanted to be with him before games. They never had sex the night before a fixture, and so it was just - holding. Cuddling. Being. All of the things Charlie wanted to do with Nick. 

Well, that and sex. Like, all of it. But waiting for a few days until after the fixture just made it even better. 

They were back home for a few days before their match against the Wasps and Charlie was grateful for the rest. That match had loomed in the back of his mind (and Nick’s, he was sure), but it had been blessedly easy to forget about it with how busy everything was. It would be the first match against David’s team since the news had come out. In the nice stretch of home fixtures and their bye week that they had, Charlie quickly forgot how much of a grind back to back (to back) travel weeks were. It was already past six on a Wednesday and he was absolutely dragging himself to the team gym, knowing that he’d feel better once he was done. Nick was in a late session with Lucy and Charlie could either do this or sit in the physio room and do more paperwork. Working out would at least help him wake up a little. 

Charlie walked into the gym and was surprised to see Tex and Amy, Tex giving Amy what looked like a boxing lesson. They both looked over when Charlie walked in and smiled, Amy waving one of her giant gloved hands cheerfully. 

“Hey Charlie! Tex is teaching me to fight people!”

“Oh, Jesus,” murmured Charlie. Amy was already a chaos goblin; adding in mixed martial arts seemed like pouring absinthe on a kitchen fire.

“Teaching to box,” Tex corrected with a grin. “The goal is to never have to fight, but have some moves in your back pocket if the need ever arose. You ever boxed before, Charlie?”

Charlie shook his head. “No, I’ve always stuck to running; I’ve never been much for hand-eye coordination or physical impact sports.” Although after several sweaty sessions with Nick, some in front of the mirrors and some not, Charlie imagined that wrestling wouldn’t be the worst sport to pick up. As long as an oiled-up Nick was his only opponent. 

“Yeah, but you do play the drums,” Amy pointed out. “You’re good with your hands and coordination, this would just be a different type of coordination.”

“Any interest in giving it a try?” asked Tex. “There are plenty of extra wraps and gloves and stuff.”

Charlie hesitated, then agreed. He couldn’t imagine that he’d be any good, but it was better than doing mindless miles on the treadmill at any rate. Tex showed him how to wrap his wrists and around his knuckles, explaining how the wrap helped provide cushioning and support. He walked Charlie through the basic strikes without gloves first, describing how to jab with a “rock and a sock” motion.”

“Flick out with your arm a little relaxed, but then pop on impact. Yes! Keep the arm close, flick out, and that’s where you make contact. Good. Elbow up. Yep, like that. Remember, keep your other hand in guard. Yeah - that means keep your hand up by your face whenever you’re not hitting. That’s your money-maker, Springtime. Protect it! Good. Now double jab - yes, flick out quick. Quick! Yes, perfect.”

Charlie felt wildly uncoordinated and more than a little ridiculous for the first ten minutes, and his shoulders were already on fire. Tex was a good teacher though, and split his attention between his two students, teaching them one small piece at a time before layering on another skill. But even with breaking it into components, Charlie was dying. During one timed interval, Charlie asked how long they had been going, expecting that Tex was going to say he’d been working for a full four to five minutes. 

“It’s been 46 seconds, partner,” said Tex with a wink. “Elbow up!” Charlie got a little break when Tex introduced him to the various bags in the gym, Charlie never having paid attention or even realized that there were differences between them. He let his arms lay limply by his sides, each one now approximately 6 stone more than they were when he walked in.

“So this tall one is for boxing - or kickboxing,” explained Tex. He demonstrated a few kicks on the bag, including a ripping roundhouse kick that seemed to slice across the bag, making a thick “thwap” sound with his shin. Charlie fully expected that his leg would just split neatly into two nice pieces if he tried to do the same. “This hanging one is good for uppercuts and shin kicks, but you can also just wail on it. It’ll swing a fair amount but that’s also good, you can punch into the swing and know what that impact feels like when it’s coming towards you.” He made Charlie do a few uppercuts and hooks, two of the strikes he had taught him and Amy, and Charlie shook out his wrist after a few reverberations. Tex corrected his form a little and had him and Amy practice a few more rounds before showing the last two setups. “This one with the suspended bags is good for quick drill boxing, and then finally you have the speed bag.” Tex pointed to two teardrop shaped bags hanging down and modeled a series of quick hits, first with one hand and then the other, the bag making a “whappity-whappity” sound as it slammed back and forth as he cycled through hits. “Give it a try.”

Charlie was on one bag and Amy was on the other, both tremendously unskilled to start. Charlie hit the bag maybe once out of every five times he tried when he started, Amy no better, both of them laughing at their own ineptitude. But Tex was patient and watchful, and gave them both pointers to where they could both at least somewhat reliably hit the bag, though not with the same smooth elegance that he had. They all stayed at it with various bags and for various drills for another thirty minutes until both Amy and Charlie had to beg off, neither of them used to the intensely focused upper body workout. The three of them dropped to the floor to stretch in a loose triangle of bodies when done, Nick still 15 minutes or so from being finished with Lucy.

“How’d you learn to box, Tex?” asked Amy, voicing the same question that had been in Charlie’s head.

“My dad taught us,” said Tex. “Me and my brother. He said it was one of those good skills to learn and never have to use, just like how to start a fire without matches or making a soufflé.” Amy snorted and Charlie laughed. “But yeah, you can imagine two brothers who both thought that they were Muhammad Ali battling each other - my poor mom. Thankfully we were both beanpoles until, like, thirteen so it was basically like two giraffes flailing at each other.”

“Do you have an older or younger brother?” asked Charlie.

Tex laughed. “Older, he’d tell you. But barely. We’re twins, actually.” He smiled and held up his hand as if to ward off Amy and Charlie’s unasked but still coming questions. “Yes, we’re identical, yes we look pretty similar, and yes, I am one hundred percent the more attractive one.”

“Is he here or in the States?”

“He’s actually in London,” said Tex. “That was one of the reasons I was so excited to join the Badgers, to be closer again. I’ll get to see a lot more of him, maybe catch his shows. He does drag, and fucking crushes it. And crushes it on the dating scene, too, it sounds like. He says that the men go mad for his ‘Texas drawl’.” Charlie was curious; he didn’t know much of Tex beyond what Amy had shared and this was the first time he’d heard about his family.

“Oh, that’s awesome,” said Amy. “You’ll have to come to drag Broadway karaoke with me and Charlie and our crew sometime.” 

“Broadway drag karaoke?” repeated Tex. “That sounds like a party. I can’t sing for shit but I’d always be down.”

“Christ, I can’t imagine doing drag in some parts of Texas went over well,” mused Amy. “Did your brother do that when you were growing up, too?”

“Naw,” said Tex. “I mean, not like publicly at least. But at home he was always dressing up and stuff. That was one of the reasons we both started boxing, honestly. Never wanted to fight, but when you run around with a crowd of queer kids in Texas, trouble finds you sometimes.” Tex gave a half-laugh. “My dad wanted us to be ourselves, but be ready to kick some ass if other people had issues with ourselves.”

“What’s her drag name?” asked Amy.

Tex grinned. “Lareda Longhorny.” Charlie groaned and Amy laughed. No wonder Tex and Nick got along so well; clearly ridiculous wordplay ran in Tex’s family.

“Are you queer, too?” Charlie was a little bolder than maybe he used to be, but talk of sexuality had become fairly normative on their team with everything that had happened. 

“Nope, I’m allocishet,” said Tex easily. Charlie raised an eyebrow and Tex laughed. “Hunter - my brother - he ended up becoming a sex educator, among other things. I know the shit out of my inclusive language,” said Tex, snapping his fingers on the world ‘shit’ and laughing. “That was another reason I was glad to come here, with the team reaction to everything that had happened. I’d have been nervous bringing my brother to parties on some other teams, and I knew that definitely wouldn’t be the case here.” He paused, considering for a moment. “Though I think maybe my old team would have been cool, too? At least most of them. There were a few kids dumber than pig snot but most everyone I think would have just been like, whatever, if someone came out on the team. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised to find out that there were some non-straight guys on my old team. You know, I might be more surprised to find out that everyone was straight, now that I think about it.”

Based on the Badgers statistics alone, with at least three of the players decidedly not-straight just in the starting lineup, Charlie had to agree. There hadn’t been anyone else who had openly come out in the few weeks that had passed, but both Charlie and Nick had talked about their hope that the two of them publicly acknowledging their relationship could end up making life easier for someone else, even just marginally. 

The three of them chatted a few minutes longer about their families, Amy excitedly telling Tex that her whole family would be there in just over a month for Easter, and Charlie chiming in that his family would be there even sooner, for the match that Olly had ended up choosing. They’d likely also come up for Easter, too; the team usually hosted some events. Tex said that he was sure Hunter would be up at some point, and they both said how excited they’d be to meet him. 

Charlie checked his watch and excused himself, wishing them goodnight and heading to meet Nick, running into him in the hall. Nick looked up as he approached and held out his arms for a hug. Charlie pressed himself into Nick’s chest, arms flopping by his sides like overcooked noodles, both of them flapping a little bit as Nick gave him a playful rock from side to side. 

Nick laughed. “Uh, Charlie? Is this a ‘no bones’ day for your arms?” 

Charlie gave a wry chuckle. “No bones ever again. Tex gave Amy and me some boxing lessons and my arms are like if someone filled a pair of pantyhose with boiled ham right now.”

Nick chuckled against him and kissed the top of his head. “Oh, love. I’m so sorry your Ch-arms are sore.”

Charlie sighed. “Do you legitimately have, like, a list on your Notes app? There’s no way you just have these ready to go all the time.”

“Oh, I one hundred percent do,” Nick confirmed. “And I password protected it, too. That’s the only part of my phone that is off limits to you. Although I’m sure you’d figure a way to hack into it, you little Charlatan.”

Charlie shook his head back and forth against Nick’s chest, Nick’s jumper muffling his voice. “I want to break up with you.”

“Can’t,” said Nick breezily. “You’d lose your transit system.” Before Charlie could react, Nick shifted his body and scooped Charlie up in a fireman’s carry, hauling him down the hallway with Charlie laughing for a few meters before putting him back down.

“I guess you’re right,” said Charlie, linking hands with Nick and walking down the hall on his own two legs. “I’ve gotten too used to not taking the bus. I suppose I have to stay with you now.”

“Yep,” confirmed Nick. “You have an unlimited pass on the Nelson express line now, forever.” He changed the subject a moment later to tell Charlie about training and the upcoming match, leaving Charlie half-paying attention and half-marinating on that intoxicating and beautiful word: Forever.

-

The Wasps game was coming up in just a few days, and now that it was imminent, Charlie was anxious. Nick hadn’t heard from David, David dodging any questions about Nick in interviews or otherwise abruptly ending them if he was asked. Charlie had truly no idea what to expect. Would David be even more aggressive and dirty than he was the first time they met? He hoped not. But there was no way to know but to know. At least Tara and Darcy were coming to the match, and they were all going out together, along with Elle and Tao, as well as Amy and Isaac. So they’d have that to look forward to at least; the promise of a night in a queer space bolstering Charlie despite whatever happened. 

The weather was raw and chilly the morning of the Wasps match, and all Charlie wanted to do was stay snuggled in bed with Nick when the alarm went off, obnoxiously early. Even with an afternoon match, there was still so much to do on fixture days - shower, breakfast, stretching, driving to the stadium and making Nick jump when Charlie booped his dick through his joggers at a red light, team meeting and video, more stretching, locker room prep and physio work all throughout, the first warm-up, light lunch for fuel, back in the locker room for more team talk before heading back out to the field for the warm-up before the fixture kicked off. So just for a moment, Charlie lay in bed with Nick, who was grumbling and smacking his lips and trying to rouse himself, made more challenging when Charlie flopped on top of him like a dramatic and morose starfish. 

“No,” murmured Charlie. “Too cold out there. Warm in here. Snuggle me in here.”

“I’m with you, love,” said Nick, teasing his fingers through Charlie’s hair. “People skive off work all the time, right? I’ll just see if Wilco can handle my paperwork for the day.”

“How’re you doing with the match today?” asked Charlie. He could feel Nick tilt his head from side to side in an “eh” motion.

“Fine, I think?” said Nick. “A little, like…anticipatory, I guess. But for me, it’s about rugby and the team. David’s just going to be another bloke on another team that we play against. And he can do whatever shit he feels like doing, and we’ll do our thing. Just like everything else so far, right?”

Charlie hummed against his chest. “And no matter what, we’ll get to have an amazing night tonight with everyone.” Tara and Darcy hadn’t ended up being able to come until that day and Tara had a quick meeting with a Juniors Badger player following the fixture, so they wouldn’t see the two of them until everyone met up before going out. Everyone else would meet them there at Nick’s house following the fixture, Amy giving Charlie a ride as they’d probably have some physio work after the match. Danny and James were sad to miss the night out, but Danny had been invited to speak at a gala that evening and James was going with him. They promised that they’d go to the next one, Danny swearing that his outfit when they did eventually go out would entirely make up for it. Charlie didn’t have any doubts that it wouldn’t at least be memorable. 

“Definitely,” agreed Nick. “That part is going to be great.” He stretched long in bed, making an adorable squeaking sound when he did. “Come on, owner of my heart and owner of my parts.” Charlie snorted. “It’s time for some fucking rugby.”

They got ready, each of them doing everything they needed to before the match before packing their kits and heading out. Once there, they each headed to their own tasks, Charlie checking in with his players alongside Amy as everyone warmed up, stretched, and practiced in and outside of the building. It was going to be cold today, and everyone tried to keep moving as best they could to keep their muscles warm. In a flash, it was nearly time for the fixture, the team gathered in the locker room for Croft and Wilco’s speeches. The players nodded along with the inspirational words, yelling and cheering when it was time to break and head to the field. As the mass of bodies started leaving the locker room, Nick gently grabbed Charlie by the wrist and pulled him close. 

“My kiss?” Nick looked at him with his hopeful half-smile, head tilted a little.

“Here?” said Charlie.

“If that’s okay,” said Nick.

“Fuck yes,” Charlie replied, pressing up on his toes to kiss Nick.

Nick gave him a quick look before turning to go, sobering a little. “Hey, love - be careful, okay?”

“I should be saying that to you,” said Charlie, eyebrows creasing.

“Both of us, then,” said Nick. He blew Charlie one more kiss and headed out with the team, Amy and Charlie following. 

The crowd was lively and loud, glad to be back at the stadium after too many weeks with the team away. The Badgers warmed up, running a few light drills and practicing some passes and carries and dodges. Charlie could see the Wasps warming us as well, and his eyes were automatically drawn to David, circling around with his own team. He could see David sometimes trailing towards half field, looking like he was scanning for Nick. Charlie even saw David looking towards Nick a few times, and Nick pointedly ignoring him, focusing on his teammates and the training. They hadn’t spoken since the last time they played, Charlie knew, and he wondered (not for the first time) what David would say to Nick given the chance.

But there was no conversation between the two during the warm-up, or even during the entirety of the match. Nick kept his distance from David, who seemed to be a little off his game. He knocked-on once and received several penalties for mindless rule infringements, just seeming like he wasn’t as focused as he had been in the past. He was still physical and brutal as normal, sending Decker off the field for a Head Injury Assessment at one point after a rough tackle onto the hard field. The match itself ended up being a frustrating one, both defenses strong and with some missed opportunities on both ends. The Badgers had a chance to win it in the last minute of the match with a penalty-goal attempt, but it pulled left and just missed, the crowd groaning. 

The final score was a 26-all draw that felt like a stalemate in more ways than one. Drawn scores alone never felt satisfying; always a question of what could have been done better or just a tiny bit different to make the result different. It almost felt as if the match was unfinished. And it still felt stuck and murky between David and Nick, the two never crossing paths not during play despite David seeming to edge towards Nick when the ball was dead, Nick always turning to go back to his team. There was a stuckness there, a building impasse that made Charlie wonder how it would be addressed. Or maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe it would be like Nick said, that they were just two players on different teams. But in Charlie’s heart, he didn’t think that would be the case, at least not right away. Nick had mentioned wanting to try to talk with David - and his dad - at some point. Just…when he was ready, not when they decided they wanted to. And Charlie could even see that on the field, Nick making the choice of when he was going to talk to David. And it wasn’t now. It would be when Nick was ready.

-

The plan was for everyone to meet up at Nick’s for pre-drinks before they went out to the club. Charlie and Amy arrived first, calling into Nick’s flat as they entered, Amy giving Charlie a ride. Charlie was wearing one of his outfits that he’d owned for a while but hadn’t had the nerve to wear - at least before tonight. He had on skinny black jeans with a few artful rips, but the top was what he was most excited for. It was a slim-fit long sleeve black shirt, made of a fine mesh with a pattern of black fabric diamonds. The mesh was tight enough that he didn’t feel fully on display, but gave the hint of enough skin that he felt daring and sexy. Amy looked great, too - she had on skin tight shiny black pleather pants with a scoop-neck t-shirt sequined crop top, half hanging off one of her shoulders in a sort of ‘80s and today’ fusion style. 

Nick came down the stairs a moment later, still in joggers and a jumper. He opened his mouth to say hi, but got frozen halfway, staring at Charlie. Charlie blushed a little as Nick came down the stairs, an awed look growing on his face as he descended. Nick hit the bottom of the stairs and slinked towards Charlie, Nick’s entire body fixated on Charlie, eyes never leaving him, roving all over. He put one hand on Charlie’s upper arm and ran the other one down Charlie’s chest, trailing his hand almost reverently, like Charlie was worthy of worship. 

“You look so fucking sexy,” murmured Nick, meeting Charlie’s gaze and then dropping back to look at his torso, eye-fucking him with slow, lingering glances all around his body. Charlie took a shaky breath and moved closer to Nick, putting his hands on Nick’s hips. Nick brought his hand up to Charlie’s face and drew him in for a quick, intense kiss that lasted a second but made feelings surge through Charlie’s chest and between his legs. Nick rested his forehead against Charlie’s for a second and they breathed into each other, just taking the moment in.

“Hi Nick,” said Amy loudly, sounding amused. Charlie started and Nick blinked like he was coming out of a dream. “You two are absolutely horrifying.”

Nick laughed and flushed, still looking a little hazy. He tore his gaze away from Charlie and looked at her. “Hey Ames. Um…sorry.”

Amy waved a hand. “No, I get it. I mean, right? Look at him!” She beamed and gestured to Charlie. “He’s a straight hottie. Well - maybe that’s the wrong expression to use. A straight gay hottie. That should be the term anyway. He’s a gay hottie.” They laughed and Amy nodded towards Nick. “I sincerely hope you aren’t dressed to go out yet.”

Nick ran a hand through his hair in that same gesture that he made that drove Charlie mad. “No, I…I tried on a bunch of stuff, and none of it seemed right. I was waiting - Charlie, can you help me figure out what I should go with?”

Charlie opened his mouth to respond, but Amy cut him off. “Okay, and who do you think picked out that shirt for him?” That was true; Amy had encouraged him to buy this shirt a full year ago. “Come on, let me get you ready for the ball, my little Cinderella Nick. Charlie, pour some drinks.” Nick gave him a fleeting, semi-terrified look as Amy marched him off, though he reminded Charlie on the way up that Tara and Darcy would be there in just a few minutes. 

Sure enough, it was only a minute or so later that Charlie heard the knock on the front door of Nick’s place. He opened it to see Tara and who he assumed was her girlfriend Darcy, a medium-height woman with dyed blonde hair who just looked like she was going to be a great time. The blonde woman grinned at him, her eyes sparkling. “Charlie, my guy,” she called, coming in and wrapping him in a hug, then steering him towards the kitchen, Tara trailing and rolling her eyes fondly. “I’ve heard so much about you. And Nick. I’m so very honored to get acquainted with local Leeds gays! Now let’s pour a drink, yeah? You look like a vodka guy, right Charlie? We brought grapefruit vodka and seltzer, give me some ice and I’ll get this shit going!”

Charlie blinked. Despite what Darcy had said, he found himself inexplicably already holding a cup of lukewarm vodka seltzer, Darcy beaming at him and cheers-ing her glass against his. He had no idea how she’d gotten them to the kitchen and poured drinks already in her opening diatribe.

“Charlie, this is Darcy,” said Tara fondly, formally introducing them. She drew Charlie in for a hug. “Darcy, you already know that this is Charlie, of course, Nick’s boyfriend.”

“Hell yes,” enthused Darcy. “I’m so excited to meet your big rugby man. Where is he?”

“He’s upstairs, but he’ll be down in literally a minute,” said Charlie, recovering from Darcy’s attentions. He could already tell that she was going to be a riot tonight, and couldn’t wait, though he assumed tomorrow was going to be a rough one. “Our friend Amy is here, too, she’s helping him get dressed.” At that moment, Nick and Amy came back down, Amy first, followed by Nick.

Amy had gotten Nick dressed in a pair of blue jeans that strained against his thighs, already setting Charlie aflutter. She’d also found a short sleeve button down shirt of Nick’s, one with vertical stripes in a variety of colors against a cream-colored background. The shirt was made out of a softer fabric, and she’d rolled up the sleeves so that Nick’s arms were mostly exposed, the fabric hugging against his biceps. She had the shirt half-buttoned up over a v-neck white t-shirt that exposed the dip of Nick’s clavicle and made Charlie want to bury his face in Nick’s chest. While riding him, preferably. Nick looked fucking fantastic .

Darcy whistled and broke the moment. “Looking incredible, my guy!”

Nick and Charlie both blushed, Nick at the attention and Charlie at the teenage urges that he had stirring. Nick descended the rest of the stairs and hugged Tara, then attempted to shake hands with Darcy, her steadfastly ignoring his hand to pull him into an affectionate hug. “You look hot,” she said. “And I’m saying that as a complete lesbian.” She looked at Amy. “And I don’t know this one!”

“Hey!” said Amy, bounding over to Tara and Darcy and giving them both massive hugs. “I’m Amy; Charlie and I work together. I’m also an amateur stylist to the queer and questioning lads of Leeds.” She gestured to Nick. “At amateur styling by Amy, we can turn even your sportiest blokes into sexy dance floor motherfuckers in five minutes flat.”

Darcy laughed and pointed at Amy. “You. You’re a real one. Team LGBTQ too?” she asked.

“Tragically heterosexual,” said Amy. 

Darcy sighed dramatically. “Well, that’s a shame. Your parents must be so disappointed.”

Amy nodded, running with it. “I have to settle for ‘meddling ally’.”

“Well, I take my role of ‘meddling gay’ very seriously, so I think we’ll get along,” said Darcy.

“Oh, definitely,” said Amy. “Shall I pour some shots?”

“We’re definitely going to get along.”

A few minutes later, Elle and Tao and Isaac had arrived, and drinks were flowing. Nick and Charlie were staying close, and Charlie just felt - electrified. Seeing Nick in this new outfit, about to go to a gay club with him…all Charlie wanted to do was push him against a wall and grind against him. He didn’t know what was wrong with him; he legitimately felt like he was in secondary school again. 

A little later, before they went out, the girls went into the en-suite in Nick’s room to touch up their hair and makeup. When they came back down, Charlie noticed that Amy had applied glitter to her décolletage, her collarbones sparkling, the scoop-neck of her shirt exposing a fair amount of skin. He also noticed Nick’s eyes trailing there as well, not lustfully - but curiously. There was something else in his eye, too - maybe…wistfulness? Amy seemed to notice too, and when everyone else was distracted by a drinking game, Amy went over to Nick with a kind, soft look and said something to him that Charlie couldn’t hear. She pulled Nick gently by the wrist with her upstairs, and when they came back down, Charlie saw with a sharp, joyous pang in his heart that Nick also had some glitter on his chest. Less than Amy’s, but still, just a hint, like maybe Amy had just brushed some powder on his skin. Nick saw him looking. He smiled at Amy and broke away, over to Charlie, Amy drifting to the other room to join the rest of the crew. 

“Do you - what do you think?” he asked Charlie, a tiny bit breathless, seeming a little nervous. “Is this…too much?”

Charlie could only shake his head at Nick for a moment, gathering his words. “Fuck no that is not too much,” he breathed. Charlie grabbed the front of Nick’s shirt, pulling him close, bumping their hips together. “I want you so, so fucking much right now.”

Nick gave a sharp inhale, gripping Charlie’s elbow. “Fuck, Charlie,” he said, with a small groan. “I fucking want you, too.”

“Everyone’s going to be all over you at the club,” said Charlie, his eyes all over Nick’s body. “You’re so hot. Literally everyone is going to be obsessed with you.”

Nick laughed and used his hand as a pretend phone. “Hello? Oh, Charlie, it’s for you,” he said. “It’s the silly goose convention calling, and they want you for their keynote speaker.” As hard as he tried not to, Charlie couldn’t help but laugh, closing his eyes. “Charlie, every fucking man in there is going to be looking at you,” he murmured. “Guess I‘ll just have to let everyone know you’re mine.” He gave one quick thrust of his hips against Charlie’s and kissed his neck for a moment, making Charlie whine when he drew back, Nick still looking hungrily at Charlie’s mouth. 

Darcy came around the corner. “Are you two just about ready? The Ubers are - oh. You’re being gay. Carry on.”

That at least was enough to get them back in their heads and remember that there were other people in Nick’s flat. They all piled into the cars together, laughing and yelling and probably lowering their rider ratings by a full star, but Charlie didn’t care. They were living out loud, and having a fucking blast doing it. 

Imogen and Sahar hadn’t been able to join since Sahar’s family was in town, but Imogen still came through as she always did, ensuring that their name was on the VIP list and allowing them to bypass the line. As soon as the door opened, the throb of the music that was muffled behind the door grew louder. They walked in, the club already awash in pink and purple light, bodies moving to music on the dance floor, or scattered around at the bar, around tables, on couches. There was a huge mix of people and genders and outfits, and Charlie surreptitiously watched Nick’s face as he took it in. Nick’s eyes moved across the club, settling on a couple making out a few feet away from them, a handsome shorter guy with silvery hair locked passionately with a tall, slender brunette guy. Charlie could see Nick watching them, his expression unfolding like a flower opening. Charlie realized that this was probably the first time Nick had ever seen two men kissing intensely in public. As if Nick heard him, Nick turned his eyes towards Charlie, looking startled and pleased and happy and overwhelmed all at once.

Charlie squeezed his hand. “Welcome to your first club experience, my favorite baby gay.”

Nick grinned and gave Charlie’s hand a pulse back. He paused, then pulled Charlie around and kissed him, taking Charlie’s head in his hands as he did. “Now it’s my first club experience,” said Nick with a smile. “I’ve gotten to make out with a hot guy, so no matter what, this night is a success.”

Charlie laughed. “God I love you, you idiot. Drinks?” Nick smiled and nodded and the whole crew moved over towards the bar, Nick buying drinks for all of them and waving off their protests. 

They gathered around a high top table and just took it all in for a moment. There were people dressed in all ways; Charlie had been right when he told Nick there was no one right way to dress. It was apparently cowboy night, and many of the bartenders wore an interesting mix of jeans, fluorescent suspenders over their bare chests, and cowboy hats. The patrons’ outfits ran the gamut even more, from graphic t-shirts to flannel to corset tops to leather, as well as dresses and bodysuits. It was a mixture of people, bodies, and expressions, and Charlie was so glad Nick was getting to experience what it felt like to be in a queer space. 

And Nick just looked… alive. His eyes were clear and bright, taking in everything around them and letting his hands drift all over Charlie, more and more as the night went on and they saw every combination of affection and sexuality on display in front of and around them. After bringing over their third round of drinks, Nick sidled up behind Charlie and wrapped his arms around Charlie from behind. Charlie could feel Nick against his back, not hard but clearly not completely unaroused, either. The girls were off dancing at this point, and Isaac and Tao were in a deep conversation about some film that they had gone to see together last week when the team was away for one of their matches. Charlie twisted in Nick’s embrace so they were facing each other.

“Do you want to dance, baby?” asked Charlie. He gave a languid roll of his body against Nick’s, pressing his chest against Nick’s first, then letting the rest of his body follow, his hips pressing against Nick’s last. 

Nick gave a little moan in Charlie’s ear. “Fuck, Charlie, yes, but you might make me lose it on the dance floor.” Charlie gave him a smirk in lieu of an answer and pulled him over to the floor, hooking his finger behind the top button that was done in Nick’s shirt. Nick followed like a puppy, eyes never leaving Charlie. They worked their way into the knot where Elle, Amy, Darcy, and Tara all were, Amy worming her way off the dance floor to collect Tao and Isaac to join them. Nick tried to get Charlie to put his arms behind his neck, but Charlie instead turned his back and pushed up against Nick, rubbing his ass and grinding on Nick’s groin. He felt Nick’s hands grip his hips and pull him closer, and Charlie closed his eyes and kept his body moving. It felt so fucking good - and right - to get to do this with Nick. Press against him, be overtly sexual with him, celebrate what they had together and how much they fucking loved and wanted each other in this place. But still, Charlie didn’t think either of them were ready for full dance-floor boners, so reluctantly danced away a little and turned to face Nick, pulling his body a little bit away. 

Nick grabbed the lapels of Charlie’s shirt. “You are a god, do you know that? A god of physio and sexiness and teasing. Maybe a demon? Or a combination. Gemon? Demod?”

Charlie laughed, moving a little closer and trailing his fingers up Nick’s shirt. He toyed with the top button, undoing it and sliding his hands a little lower, working the next button open too. “I just - god, I love being here with you, Nick.” He kept working his hands lower, undoing all four remaining buttons that had held Nick’s shirt together. Charlie pressed his hands up along the tight white t-shirt, up Nick’s stomach and smoothing over the planes of his chest. “You - you’re the one that’s unbelievable. I can’t believe I get to have you.”

Nick nosed in so that his lips were against Charlie’s ear. “You have me forever, baby.” Charlie shivered with the words and the sensation against his neck. 

The moment was broken when Darcy hip-checked into them, holding three shots in a triangle. “Hi, gay! Put it back in your pants, it’s time to take shots!” She drew them over to another high top table where the rest of the group was, all of them downing not one, but the two rounds of shots that Darcy and Amy had decided to buy. Charlie didn’t know if he liked the two of them getting along. It seemed like a friendship between them could cause some sort of rift in the fabric of space-time with their combination of unhinged cheerfulness. 

They all hung together for a bit, laughing and drinking and yelling over the music at one another. After a bit, Darcy pulled Tara away towards the toilets while Amy and Isaac worked the dance floor and Elle and Tao made out on a couch. Charlie and Nick were standing by the wall a little away from the bar where they had more space. Nick leaned in for a moment to tell Charlie he was going to the toilet and would get them more drinks on the way back, kissing him dizzyingly before he left. Charlie grinned as Nick moved away from him, caught when Nick turned his head back and winked. He sipped the remainder of his drink and scanned the room. He could see a space on the dance floor where Amy and Isaac were slaying, and Tao trying to absorb Elle into his body via his mouth. Charlie snickered to himself on that one. Tao played it cool most of the time; Elle was the only one who could fully undo him.

“What’s funny, gorgeous?”

Charlie turned to see a man close to his side, also along the wall. He must have come in nearly silently. He was handsome, but in a way that turned Charlie’s stomach just perceptibly.  He just oozed that same arrogant brand of confidence that Ben had - the type that said you’re lucky I’m even speaking to you. 

“Nothing,” said Charlie shortly. “Just something about one of my friends.”

The guy moved a little closer and gave a theatrical look around. “I don’t see them here right now. Do you want to make a new friend?”

“No thanks,” said Charlie, edging away a little. “I’m here with my friends and my boyfriend. He just went to get us some drinks.”

The man laughed softly and moved smoothly so he was in front of Charlie. He put one hand on the wall next to Charlie and reached the other one to drift his fingers over Charlie’s shirt. “Boyfriend, huh? Your ‘boyfriend’ lets a pretty thing like you out wearing this fuck-me shirt? This looks incredibly sexy on you.”

Charlie was frozen, his body in a sense memory of Ben, trapping him against the wall. Logically his brain knew that he wasn’t trapped; he could move away and the guy probably wouldn’t follow him. But his body didn’t seem to know that. His feet were rooted to the ground, heart racing, palms clammy. He tried to make his voice as firm as possible, but he knew it quavered a little bit. “I’m not interested. Please get away from me.”

“Come on, gorgeous, have a little fun tonight-”

“Back the fuck off. Now.” Charlie’s heart leapt. Nick. Nick, over the guy’s shoulder, gripping two drinks so hard that he thought the glass might shatter. He slammed the drinks on a nearby table, freeing up his hands. 

Charlie and the guy both looked at Nick at the same time, Charlie with love and relief and the douchebag with alarm, taking in Nick’s size and demeanor, which was radiating fury. Nick spoke again. “What part did you not understand? That he has a boyfriend, that he doesn’t want to talk to you, or that you’re a predator who should get the fuck out of here quickly before he regrets it even more?”

“Oh, piss off, you jealous twat,” mumbled the guy, rolling his eyes and walking away at a brisk clip. 

Charlie held onto Nick’s arm in case Nick tried to lunge after him, but Nick didn’t even try. He just gathered up Charlie and pulled him in close. “You okay, love?”

Charlie nodded. “Yeah.” He heaved out a breath, grounding himself. “Yeah,” he said again, this time more firmly. “I am. I don’t want him ruining our night. He’s not worth that.”

Nick pulled back and gave Charlie’s shoulders a squeeze. “Fuck no he’s not. Come on. Do you want to dance again?”

Charlie nodded and let Nick pull him to the dance floor. After just a few minutes, the nerves and adrenaline fell away. They danced with each other, sometimes front to front, sometimes with Charlie grinding on Nick, relishing how Nick gripped any part of Charlie’s body he could touch when he did so. Charlie felt a few eyes on them periodically, men (and some women and enbies) looking at Nick lustfully. Dancing in front of Nick to Unholy, Charlie twined his hand behind Nick’s neck and turned his head slightly backwards. 

“People are looking at you, baby.” It didn’t bother Charlie. It was a turn-on, really. 

“No,” murmured Nick. “They’re looking at you.” He ran his hands up and down Charlie’s torso as Charlie moved in front of him, pulling him flush against his body. “I don’t blame them. You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.” He rolled his hips against Charlie’s ass and Charlie could feel how turned on Nick was. “But you’re mine.”

Charlie drew his hands behind him and ran them up and down Nick’s thighs, drawing close to his dick but backing off, making Nick shudder. “All yours, baby. Everything.”

Nick dropped his mouth down to Charlie’s neck, kissing it, sucking on the skin. Charlie shivered, pleasure and excitement thrilling through his body. “Mine,” murmured Nick as he nibbled and pulled on the skin. Charlie nodded and groaned, pressing back even harder against Nick. Nick continued his attention on Charlie, working marks into the skin, Charlie leaning his head away to give Nick even more access, drunk on the sensation and so, so into it. “Mine,” Nick repeated.”

“Mine.”

-

It was Sunday morning and everyone was a various shade of miserable. Elle and Tao were in the spare bedroom, and Amy, Isaac, Darcy, and Tara were splayed across the living room, Tara and Darcy never making it back to their hotel and just deciding it was easier (and with less risk of Darcy puking in the Uber) to stay. It had taken Charlie a fair amount of time to wake up himself, in rough shape after their night. Charlie and Nick had barely made it upstairs before Nick had ripped at Charlie’s trousers, pushing him against the wall of his bedroom and taking Charlie in his mouth, both of them desperate for one another after the teasing all night. Even for how tipsy he was, Charlie came surprisingly quickly, and Nick had only needed a few strokes himself, he was so turned on from making Charlie come. They’d fallen into bed almost immediately after, the short-term joy of quickly going to sleep getting bitch-slapped by the morning after of cocktails and cock. Despite their hangovers and the brief encounter with the creep at the club, it had been an amazing night, and Nick kept telling Charlie how much he loved it (and him) during the Uber and before they crashed into sleep.

It took both of them a while to rouse themselves and make it downstairs to assess the damage to their fallen comrades, but they eventually did. They themselves were in a little bit of better shape than the others, having danced for the last hour they were there, neither one wanting to leave each other’s bodies even long enough to get a drink. Charlie grabbed a blanket and snuggled with Amy and Elle while the others slowly woke up in a range of states. Isaac put in a massive order of breakfast sandwiches from a place down the street, and even though the smell had turned Charlie’s stomach when it arrived, he felt loads better once he ate a little and had coffee, though recovery was slow. They watched TV for a bit as a group and flopped around, a few of them (Darcy and Amy) running periodically to one of the toilets in a delicate shade of green. Everyone predictably made fun of Charlie’s marked-up neck, but Charlie just smirked. He had loved the glimpse of possessive Nick. It was just one side of him, not an all-permeating possessiveness, and Charlie had loved that side, along with all of the others he had.

Everyone ended up straggling out by 1, leaving Nick and Charlie to nurse their hangovers, which were fortunately starting to ease. They settled onto the couch, Nick stretched long on the lounging part of the couch, Charlie laying across the seats with his feet in Nick’s lap. Nick was squeezing Charlie’s feet through his socks as they half-watched a movie together, a Hallmark Valentine’s Day movie that Nick had inexplicably recorded and insisted that they watch. Charlie hadn't even known that there were Valentine’s Day Hallmark movies. The straights apparently needed even more months of “intense pining and miscommunications culminating in a single, no-tongue kiss” beyond just December. Viewing the movie was only half the fun, the rest of it coming from their running commentary.

“Oh, look, she’s a busy businesswoman who only cares about business. I wonder if she’ll end up in a small town with a handsome man from her past.”

“Mmm, yes. Now, which of her parents do you reckon are dead?”

“Definitely her mum. The number one cause of death for fictional mums is when their daughters are main characters in Hallmark movies.”

“There needs to be some sort of business class for the gentle old people in these small towns whose businesses are always in danger of closing. Like, their accounting practices have to be shit. And maybe try some marketing, for fuck’s sake.”

“They’re about to meet! Oh no, he’s holding hot chocolate. If he spills that on her new expensive fancy business lady outfit you owe me a handjob.”

“Who uses a handjob as a wager? Maybe you’re the one who needs that business class. Step up your negotiation tactics.”

They watched, lightly bantering back and forth, Nick massaging Charlie’s feet and legs nearly the whole time, seemingly unable to stop touching him. Not that Charlie was complaining. 

At one point in the film, the two generically attractive main characters, who did not get along at first due to wacky mishaps and shenanigans, shockingly ended up snowed in at the same inn, with only one bed left. 

“You know, the origin story of some pornos and some Hallmark movies are alarmingly similar,” mused Charlie. Nick laughed. 

“Ah, the old ‘one bed’ thing,” said Nick. He looked at Charlie, his eyes fond. “That was a big part of our origin story, too.”

Charlie leaned his head back against the couch and angled it towards Nick, a smile on his face. “Another trope of its own,” he said. “Wilco was basically in the role of ‘mysterious old woman who maybe has powers and helps the couple get together’ from this movie.”

Nick laughed. “Do you think he somehow controlled the weather that night? I could see him, like calling science to try to get it to ice over to make me stop being an idiot and tell you that I liked you.” Charlie nodded and smiled. He looked into Nick’s face, which was soft and full of love. “From a secret hotel room bed to staying in Wilco’s bed together. And now just our bed, with no secrets.” He gave a happy sigh, closing his eyes and squeezing Charlie’s feet again, seeming not to realize that he had given Charlie a full-ass heart attack. Our bed? Did Nick think of his bed as their bed? While his brain was furiously spinning trying to decide if this was an appropriate moment to ask about Nick’s thoughts on living together - not now, maybe, but in the future? - the doorbell rang to Nick’s flat. 

Nick’s eyes opened and he tilted his head. “I have no idea who that is.” He made a feeble attempt to get up, but it was half-hearted and pathetic. He looked at Charlie helplessly and Charlie laughed. 

“No, I got it, baby,” said Charlie. “I needed to get up anyway. I’ll just pretend to be your maid and say, ooh, Mr. Nelson’s not at home, he’s getting his weekly taint wax.” Nick laughed at Charlie’s pouty, secretary voice. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Charlie reluctantly got up from their cocoon and made his way to the door, descending the few steps that put him on level with the landing off the front. He unlocked the bolt and opened the door, to find what looked like a poorly copy-paste version of Nick in front of him. He had the same build, similar facial structure, but everything else was just a little wrong. The eyes were like Nick’s, but without the same warmth. The mouth was close, too, but it was a little harder, less welcoming than Nick’s. Charlie blinked, his brain not quite comprehending. It was taking a moment to try to catch up to understand what was happening.

Because what the actual fuck was David Nelson doing here?

Chapter Text

“Uh, hey,” said David uncomfortably. He looked as confused to see Charlie as Charlie did to see David. 

Charlie didn’t respond, just looked at David. They had never properly spoken, and from what he knew and had seen of David, he had no real interest in speaking to him. But he was here now, and so was Nick, and so Charlie would do whatever he had to do for Nick. 

“Hi,” said Charlie, keeping his voice level and intentionally cool.

“Is - where’s Nick? Is he, uh - is he home?” asked David, crossing his arms as he stood in the chilly breeze. 

“He’s…” Charlie was stymied. Did he go get Nick? Call for him? Close the door and tell David he’d be right back after consulting with Nick? There was no etiquette book for when your boyfriend’s twatty older brother turned up unannounced. 

“Char?” Nick was walking towards him, having heaved himself off the couch. “Everything okay? Who’s…” he sidled towards Charlie, swinging the door further open to see his brother. His whole body language changed, Charlie immediately seeing him tighten up. “David.”

“Hey Nicky,” said David, something between a smirk and a grimacing smile on his face. 

“Why are you here?” Charlie was proud that Nick wasn’t putting on a polite front.

“I wanted…to talk. I saw all the stuff and I wanted to - look, can I come in?”

Charlie could see Nick’s hand on the edge of the door, his knuckles with spots of white from how tightly he was gripping it. “Come in to spout homophobic bullshit?” Nick said. Charlie’s heart swelled. Yes. Yes, Nick.

David blanched. “No! I just…fuck. Just, come on. I want to talk.”

Nick waited another few seconds, letting the silence stretch so long that Charlie got a little uncomfortable himself. “Fine. Come in.” Nick stepped aside, pressing a hand to Charlie’s back to shift him a little aside so Nick was between him and David. 

David came in, and looked around awkwardly. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.”

David came into the living room and sat down on one of the bigger armchairs. Charlie sat down on the center of the couch, Nick joining him, sitting closer than maybe he would have if someone else was over. Nick took Charlie’s hand and Charlie saw David look at their linked hands before he caught Charlie’s eye and pointedly looked away. 

“Can we talk…privately?” said David.

Charlie and Nick both responded at the same time.

“No?”

“No.”

David blinked and scowled a little. “What, you can’t be apart from your boyfriend for ten minutes?” He stumbled a little bit over the word “boyfriend”. 

Nick stood up abruptly. “Well, it was great to see you, David.”

David stood up too and threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender, backing off a little. Though when he spoke, it sounded like he was doing so through gritted teeth. “I didn’t - whatever. No, yeah, he can stay.”

“Charlie,” said Nick firmly. “His name is Charlie.” He gave Charlie’s hand a quick pulse from where he was standing, Charlie’s arm in the air from his position on the couch. Charlie gave Nick a squeeze back and Nick looked down at him, their eyes meeting for a moment.

David looked like he was keeping from rolling his eyes with tremendous effort. “Yeah. Charlie. Charlie can stay.”

“Obviously he can,” said Nick in a low, dangerous tone. The brothers both sat down slowly, like wary animals, eying each other the whole time. 

David took a breath. “I came because…” He paused, his jaw tight. “I didn’t…I don’t know if dad’s been calling you?”

Nick gave a tight nod. Charlie rubbed his thumb against Nick’s knuckle softly. 

“Have you spoken to him?”

“No,” said Nick. “He’s left a bunch of messages but I haven’t called him back. He’s been a total dick in all of them, so I figured nothing good was going to come out of speaking to him.” Nick left it unsaid, but the implied message was clear: Just like I figure nothing good will come out of me speaking to you.

David huffed out an exhale and rubbed his face with one of his hands for a second. “Yeah.” He looked around the room for a moment, seemingly at nothing. “I guess that the match was kind of, like, what do you call it? A metaphor?” When neither Nick or Charlie responded beyond Nick’s questioning head tilt and Charlie’s openly hostile glare, David went on. He barked out a humorless laugh. “It’s like - we’re finally equal in his eyes now.”

That piqued Nick’s curiosity enough to respond. “What do you mean?”

David clenched his teeth, the muscles of his jaw jumping. “Well, like, you’ve always been the golden boy, right?”

Nick looked genuinely confused and surprised. He glanced at Charlie quickly before looking back at his brother. “What are you talking about?”

David actually did roll his eyes this time. “Come on, Nicky. You know dad’s always been on about you. Better at school, made a captain a year before I was in secondary, now an assistant captain…Dad constantly gives me shit about how I’m not as good as you. Going on about how I need to not be so shit, be more impressive on the field.”

Nick’s eyebrows were drawn together. “What the fuck are you on about? You were the one I was supposed to be like. Be more aggressive. Be less of a pussy.” He withdrew his hand from Charlie’s to cross his arms across his chest as he said that. “You both said that.”

“Sometimes you were a pussy,” muttered David. Both Nick and Charlie started to speak at that. Charlie wasn’t sure what Nick was about to say, but he was certain it contained a lot less instances of “piss off, you human equivalent of a participation trophy” as Charlie’s response was going to. As they both started to exclaim, David held up his hands again and spoke over them. “No, sorry,” he said, again looking like he was using all of his self-control to utter an even half-assed apology. “Sorry,” he said again, sounding more like he actually partially meant it this time. “But yeah - no, fuck, he was always fucking on me. After he moved out and I moved in with him, it was constant. ‘Be more like Nick, stop being an embarrassment, do something to be remembered instead of mediocre your whole life,’ stuff like that.”

Charlie glanced over to see Nick looking at David hard. His head was tilted, like this was entirely new to him. “He always said stuff like that to me when I was with you guys. How I should be tougher and grow a thicker skin.”

“Yeah,” said David, raising his palms and drawing his hands wide. “He’s always banged on about you. How you were perfect and I was shit.”

Nick looked utterly shocked at all of this, and Charlie wasn’t surprised that Nick felt blind-sided, based on everything he’d shared with Charlie. Nick had always told him how his dad told him once that he’d never get better if Stefane didn’t tell him the things he could improve on. It sounded like he’d never been told he was good enough, or done anything good enough. He’d always been compared to David, and always came up short. It had to be perplexing and maybe world-altering to realize that David had received the same messages. It also underline what a piece of work Stefane was.

David nodded, reading into Nick’s expression. “You didn’t know that?”

“No,” said Nick. “I got the same shit. And got it from you, too, you know.”

David gave a “guilty” expression, with a wincing smirk, a half tease and a half apology. “I know,” he said, leaning back. “Yeah, I guess I did that a little, too.” Nick scoffed and Charlie openly snorted. David glanced over at him for a moment. He looked back at Nick. “But it’s like…now we’re, even again?”

Nick cocked his head. “Even?”

“Yeah,” said David, with that same smirk, like they were all in on the same joke. “You’re not the golden boy anymore. We’re, like, at a draw again.”

“Not the golden boy?” Nick repeated.

“Yeah,” said David. “Because, you’re like, gay now. So now Dad’s calling me and saying all this shit about you and it got me thinking that-“

“I’m not gay,” said Nick. Charlie was positively seething at this point, wondering if he could set David on fire just with his eyes.

“You have a boyfriend,” said David, like he was talking to a child. Charlie idly thought of the lesson Tex had given him on throwing a hook, absently flexing his right hand. Use your back hand for a power hook. Elbow up, let the force of your back foot and pivot from your hip generate as much power as you can. Follow through when you strike, yeah.

“I’m bi,” Nick snarled. “That means attracted to both men and women. And Charlie happens to be a man and is the man I’m dating.” Nick re-gripped Charlie’s hand as he spoke, interlacing their fingers. 

“Fine, bi,” said David, looking like he was restraining himself from dismissing Nick outright with huge effort. “But, like, Dad’s been calling and saying all this shit about you. And we’re like, finally even in his eyes.”

Charlie couldn’t hold back any more. “Even? You keep saying that, what - like, he thinks less of Nick because he’s dating a man? Is that what you’re saying?”

David glanced at him for a second. “Yeah?” He shrugged. “That’s what it seems like he’s saying. And it got me thinking that…I don’t know. I’ve…I’ve occasionally been a little bit of a dick, I guess.” Nick gave a bark of a single laugh and Charlie gave David a skeptical, withering look. “Or, whatever, been a dick sometimes, yeah. And maybe I could be a bigger man and reach out, to like…apologize.”

Charlie cocked his head. “Bigger man than who? Your dad, or Nick?”

David scowled. “Bigger man than my dad, obviously.”

“Any why now?” Charlie pressed. “Why reach out now? You’ve known your dad was a dick forever. You’ve been a douchebag to Nick for years. Why extend the olive branch now?”

David looked at Nick for help and Nick just stared back at him, tilting his head towards Charlie. 

“Because,” said David, sounding frustrated. “With all the shit about him - you - dating a guy or whatever, I…”

“Do you, like, pity Nick? Is that what this is? Thinking you have the upper hand or something now? You can swoop in and decide that you think you two are allowed to be close now? Now that there’s something ‘wrong’ with Nick?” demanded Charlie, putting heavy sarcasm on the word ‘“wrong”. As soon as he said it, he saw the blow land. He had put words to something that clearly lived in David’s mind that maybe he hadn’t even realized. Nick being queer made Nick “less-than” in his mind; gave him the opportunity to grant Nick the favor of being equals.

“No,” protested David angrily. “This is - I’m doing…I’m here fucking reaching out, and you’re fucking making-"

Nick spoke again to David, and his voice was steely ice. “Don’t you dare fucking talk to him like that.” Charlie felt a jolt in his stomach. He’d never heard Nick’s voice like that before, and couldn’t imagine it ever being directed at him in that tone. 

David looked taken aback, a little cowed. Clearly he’d never heard Nick like that, too. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I’m fucking…I don’t. I don’t fucking know. I don’t know how to do this, okay?” He balled his hands into fists, clenching and unclenching them a few times. “I came over to…apologize. For being a dick when we played before. And I guess for… I don’t know, being a prick or whatever growing up sometimes.”

Charlie looked at him, a little incredulously. “What do you want, here? A job well done? Forgiveness? I’m glad that you’ve realized the error of your ways, but it’s not Nick’s job to give you a gold star. You don’t get to ambush Nick into forgiving you for a lifetime of stuff. One sorry won’t make up for all the things you did. So congrats on your incredibly difficult realization that Nick has feelings.”

David looked at him, seeming to be a little stunned. Nick was looking at him too, his eyes filled with love and appreciation.

When David spoke again, maybe a full minute later, it sounded a little more resigned. “I…I didn’t mean to, like…ambush you.” David gave a half-glance at Charlie. “I just…I wanted to - I don’t know. Start talking, I guess. And tell you,” here, he looked at Nick, “that I while don’t fucking get this.” He nodded towards Nick and Charlie, hands still clenched together. “But I don’t…like, it’s also - whatever. Do what you want. It doesn’t hurt…anyone. And to tell you that - I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have come over.” He paused, and when neither Charlie or Nick said anything, he sighed. “I talked to our team psychologist for the first time.”

Nick looked genuinely surprised again, and it seemed to jolt him into talking again. “You said sports psychologists were only for weak little head cases. Remember that?”

“Yeah,” muttered David. “But I don’t know. I’ve been playing like shit. Guess I’ve been my own head case going on, maybe. And he - he said that maybe there was some shit there with dad. That might have, like - contributed to stuff between us.” Nick didn’t respond. “So I wanted to talk about it.” David gave another half-laugh. “Or try to at least. Clearly I don’t know what I’m doing with it.”

“No, you don’t,” confirmed Nick. He paused. “And I don’t really know how to, either. I don’t know if I want to, even, maybe not yet. Talk about any of this with you. You…you did a lot of fucked up shit, David. You made me feel like shit about myself, for years. And it took until fucking now to even realize how much it effected me. The only reason I was able to make any progress was from working with Lucy. Our team psychologist that I’ve been working with for months.” Nick looked at Charlie, and his eyes immediately softened. “And Charlie. I never would have done any of this without Charlie.” Nick was looking at Charlie with so much tenderness and authentic vulnerability that Charlie almost felt a little exposed, like they were naked in front of David. He was so continually amazed by Nick and how far he’d come in knowing, expressing, and loving himself. Nick went on. “And I’m sure that you have that same shit too, David, at least from Dad. But I’m not responsible for solving that for you.” He took a breath. “I’d talk to you more about this, but only after you do some counseling yourself. Figure out your own shit and once you realize that me being with a man isn’t a reason to talk to me out of pity, I can consider us talking again. With a family counselor in the room with us. Someone neutral.”

David opened his mouth looking ready to argue but Charlie cut him off before he could even start.

“Do you realize what a fucking gift Nick is offering you? You’ve been awful to him, and he’s still willing to work to make things better. But it’s not going to be on your fucking terms.”

David clenched his jaw again. “And what - you’re going to hold talking to you ransom? That you have to have an adult in the room to talk to me?” he said to Nick, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yes,” said Nick simply. “Take it or leave it.”

David stood up abruptly and strode out of the living room, opening the door and leaving, the door shutting with a firm snap behind him. 

Nick and Charlie watched him leave, and once the door slammed, Charlie felt his whole body loosen from where he’d been holding himself rigid for the last twenty minutes. Nick dropped his head into his hands, elbows braced on his knees, fingers in his own hair. Charlie picked himself back up and draped himself over Nick, gently wrapping his arms around Nick as Nick’s breath moved from shaky inhales and exhales to a minute of quiet crying. Charlie didn’t try to get him to stop, knowing that moving emotions through after a big shock like that was one of the best ways to help process feelings. Nick settled back down relatively quickly, brushing tears away from his eyes with the heels of his hands before he pushed himself back up, flopping back on the couch. He pulled Charlie in with him, pulling Charlie so he was buried in Nick’s chest. 

Charlie sat for a moment, his ear close to Nick’s chest listening to the heartbeat of the person he loved most in the world, listening to his breath steady. Charlie took his own long inhale before he spoke. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

Nick sighed into Charlie’s words. “That was…not the Sunday afternoon I was expecting.”

Charlie snorted. “You can fucking say that again.” He sobered. “But seriously. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. You…you listened. And you expressed yourself. And you set boundaries. Do you know how fucking powerful that is?”

Nick closed his eyes. “Did I let him off too easy? Should I have even offered that, to talk to him again if he commits to some family therapy? Did I-“

Charlie gently pressed a finger to Nick’s lips. “Stop, love. You did everything you were supposed to, because it was what you did. And your boundary that you weren’t going to speak to David again until he worked through his own shit, and that you needed to talk with a therapist together - that was amazing, Nick. And if he does choose to do that, and you do choose to keep talking…it still won’t be one clear path, right? It would take a long time and a long road to forgive him for anything he’s done. And you don’t have to. You know that, right?”

Nick nodded against Charlie’s head. “I do,” he murmured. “I truly do now, after talking to you and Lucy. I don’t have to.” He hummed for a moment. “But if I do, it’s going to be on my terms,” he said, his voice sounding stronger again. Charlie nodded against Nick this time. “It will be on my terms,” he repeated.

Charlie twisted his head to kiss Nick, pressing his lips to Nick’s. “I hope you realize how incredible you are,” he said. “Think of where you were five months ago, and how differently that would have gone. You’ve done so much for yourself, baby.”

Nick kissed him once again and looked at Charlie with that same fond, all-trusting expression that melted his heart. “So much is because of you, Charlie,” he said. He shook his head as Charlie tried to respond. “I know, yes, I did it. But I was only able to find the strongest parts of myself because of you. You make me my favorite me.” 

Charlie’s eyes pricked with tears for a moment and he blinked them away. They stayed that way on the couch for a while longer, drawing comfort and strength from one another, and both agreeing that a walk would do them well. The fresh air and reminder of the larger, bright world outside helped, and they ended up having a good rest of the afternoon, eventually joining Tara and Darcy for dinner, the girls in much better shape than when they had seen them a few hours before. They didn’t bring up David, deciding together that they’d like to give themselves (and Nick, mostly) time to process before they spoke to other people about it - besides Lucy, that was. They ended up having a great rest of their night.

When they got in bed after dinner, Nick asked Charlie to spoon him. Charlie loved it when they reversed roles like that. He loved wrapping himself around Nick as much as he could, pressing his skin into Nick’s to have a physical way of saying I’m here. Charlie lifted one hand to work his fingers through the short hairs at the back of Nick’s neck, then moving his way up and listening to Nick sigh as Charlie combed through his hair. He meant what he said to Nick earlier - he was incredibly proud of him. But more so, he hoped Nick was proud of himself; could see how significantly he had grown in such a short time. No matter what had happened with his dad and brother growing up, Nick had still emerged a genuinely good person, and now was beginning to see that goodness himself. Charlie felt incredibly lucky to get to see Nick’s evolution in action. He heard Nick’s breathing settle into the slow rhythm of sleep, and pulled himself closer with a leg over Nick’s hip and a kiss to his shoulder. Metaphorically and physically, Charlie would always have his back in anything they faced together.

-

The week felt a little less harried with back to back home fixtures, especially after nearly a month of away matches. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood on their first day of training after the weekend, exchanging stories and talking about what they did. It turned out that the gala Danny had been invited to speak at was some consortium of biologists. The lead organizer of the conference was a fellow Aussie and had worked with Danny’s agent to have him do an appearance. He was sharing the details of the gala at length with a few guys in the locker room, Nick and Charlie included. They’d asked him to speak a little about the medical support that a professional team had, as the gala was focused on integrated health and wellness.

“Yeah, there were a lot of scientist types there,” Danny was saying. “A bunch of doctors and chemists and nutritionists and stuff. Oh, and a bunch of microbiologists, too,” he added. “They were much bigger than I expected,” said Danny, and Nick and Tex laughed while James and Charlie groaned and sighed, respectively. From their conversation, it sounded like the gala had gone well, and Tex, Nick, and Charlie smiled as Danny boasted about how incredible James had looked in his tuxedo. The two of them were getting quickly comfortable being themselves and being with each other in front of the team, receiving an equally warm and unimpacted attitude as Nick and Charlie did.

Charlie was also able to get in another session with Tex that week. Tex gave him more pointers, but then he set the both of them a workout that they could complete in rounds, so it felt more like a partnership than a teacher and student for most of the hour that they had spent in the gym. Charlie still envied the smooth and powerful way that Tex hit his strikes, but tried to remember that this was his second time boxing, while it was probably in the thousands for Tex. It felt good to work out some of the tension and residual anger of David’s visit, and at the end of the workout, Tex had Charlie work on some hooks. Charlie used his whole body to drive the punches, to the point where Tex had whistled. 

“Damn, Springtime! Who pissed in your Cheerios? I wouldn’t want to fuck with you.”

Charlie had tried to school his grin, pleased with the affirmation. He definitely didn’t want to ever fight anyone, but it was nice to know that he’d be able to defend himself if he ever did. It felt like a bit of a reclamation of his own power and bodily autonomy that he hadn’t realized he’d lost when Ben had pushed him against that wall. The previous week at the club had been a tiny triggering reminder of that, and it felt supportive, refreshing, and empowering to know that he had some physical strength in addition to the internal strength that he was feeling more and more of. 

The week also felt easier knowing that his family was coming up for the match. As promised, Olly had gotten to pick a weekend to skip a Friday off of school and come up for the weekend. Tori and Michael had also arranged their work schedules in order to make the trip as well. They were actually arriving Thursday and Nick and Charlie would get to have dinner with them, their first meal with the two couples together. Charlie was thrilled to think of everyone being there, together. And also - it meant that he got to see Nick with Olly, which was one of his favorite things in the world. 

Before Charlie knew it, it was already Thursday. He was finishing up paperwork in the office shoulder to shoulder with Amy. They were chatting about a mix of work and personal life when Nick leaned around the doorway. 

“Hey you sexy ma…nagers of sports physiology,” said Nick, catching sight of Amy at the last minute.

“Smooth, Nick,” said Amy, giving him a smirk. Nick grinned back as he came in, not even embarrassed anymore about his openness for his feelings about Charlie. Charlie hoped he’d never get over the magic of appreciating how pure and lovely that was. As Nick came in, Charlie reflected on how silly it was just how attracted he was to Nick. Nick was dressed up a little for dinner from his normal attire, his blue jeans and tight salmon t-shirt hugging him. He hadn’t put his team jacket on yet and Charlie drank in the view of his chest. He really loved that wall of a man. And oh, did he want to do things to him. 

“You ready to go, Char?” asked Nick.

“Yep,” said Charlie, getting his jacket and getting up to join Nick. 

“Where are you two going again?” asked Amy. 

“Meeting Tori and her partner Michael for dinner at some sushi place that she wanted to try up here,” said Charlie. 

“Ooh, is this the first family dinner for you, Nick?” asked Amy.

Nick looked at Charlie, both of them raising their eyebrows at one another. “I guess so!” he confirmed, Charlie nodding along in agreement.

“No pressure,” said Amy, in a teasing tone. “Just, you know, the need to impress the person that’s known Charlie the longest.”

Nick snorted. “After all the fuckery with my own family this week, literally anything with Charlie’s family would feel like a Hallmark movie.”

Amy glanced sharply at Nick. “What fuckery with your family? Have your dad or your brother been giving you shit?”

Charlie looked at Nick in surprise, having had the impression that Nick didn’t want to talk about it. It sounded like now he did, which was great; more processing was always good. Nick gave him a half-shrug and looked at Amy, nodding. “Yeah, David stopped by.”

Amy scowled. “To grovel his apologies about being a sanctimonious little sack of shit-stuffed muppet? Because that’s the only acceptable reason for him to show up at your house.”

Nick chuckled darkly. “That doesn’t sound very David-coded.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. You okay, babes?”

Nick gave a considering nod. “I’m…okay. He, like - he said some shit about our dad that I didn’t know, about how shitty he was growing up. As much as I was affected by it, it sounds like David was, too. But still - that doesn’t excuse him being an asshole.” Charlie vehemently agreed, and had told Nick as much. Nick had the same dickhead of a dad as David and had chosen to not be an asshole; David didn’t deserve a pass for the choices he had made from the same situation. “And then he also said some stuff that implied that he - I don’t know…pities me? Or thinks liking men knocks me down a level to his level?” Nick sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I think that’s the part that’s fucked up. He thought that me not being straight brought me down to his level, instead of him actually apologizing and trying to make himself better.” This was helpful for Charlie to hear, too. He hadn’t heard Nick give a full recap to someone else, and it was interesting to see this perspective.

Amy looked furious and when she spoke, her voice was tight. “Where was it all left off with him?” asked Amy. “If - you want to talk about it, that is,” she added. 

“We left - I keep going back and forth if I was too much of a pushover or not,” said Nick. “But he did also say that he talked to his team’s psychologist and realized that he was a dick, at least to a degree. And I told him - that I would only keep the conversation going if he got his own counseling and that we’d talk starting with a family counselor.”

Amy whistled. “Good shit, Nelson!” She squeezed his forearm fondly. “And what did he do?”

Nick rolled his eyes. “He left.”

“Ah. Well at least he was really showcasing his emotional growth for you then,” said Amy flatly. 

Nick gave a harsh laugh. “Yeah.”

Amy took a breath. “I’m sorry, Nick. That sucks. But I’m really glad you stood up for yourself and made it clear that he was the one who was going to need to work on even establishing a relationship.”

Nick looked at Charlie, his face filled with appreciation. “Honestly, Charlie was the one who took charge. He told David what a wanker he was being when he was being one and gave me the - like, you made me want to stand up for myself,” said Nick, directing the end of the sentence at Charlie. “I - you helped me speak up. But like - reminding me of the big picture of all of it. And that at the end of the day, I’m the one who gets to make the decisions about a relationship with him. Not him.”

Charlie gave Nick a tender smile, his throat swelling with emotion. Amy looked between them. “Okay, that is deeply sweet. I am touched and also you two continue to be saccharine sap bags and I’m going to have to ask you to leave my office.” She gave another, less jocular look to Nick. “And I’d be happy to talk more anytime about the David stuff. You don’t deserve that - you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” said Nick. “I’m learning that.”

They said goodbye to Amy and walked to the car, chatting a little more about what Nick had just shared. Nick truly seemed like he was doing okay, but Charlie knew that Nick was a little on edge still from David’s visit. The promise of seeing Charlie’s family had helped, as did Nick’s sessions with Lucy and frequent chats with his mum. But Charlie knew when Nick was in his head, and he also knew from his own experience with anxiety that the best way to get out of his head sometimes was by really connecting with his body. And Charlie had an idea for getting Nick really into his body. It would have to wait until they got back from dinner, but training wasn’t until later on Friday, so they had plenty of time that evening. 

-

Dinner started out well enough. It really did. Michael and Nick hit it off even more than they did on their brief former encounters. Michael had of course been in the competitive sports scene for decades and was a natural conversational pair with Nick. Tori mostly listened and occasionally contributed to the conversation, but those two were off and running within minutes. Michael shared some of his training war stories and Nick swapped them right back, politely drawing Charlie into the conversation but also taking all the pressure off Charlie by taking up the helm. 

Michael talked about his coaching and it delighted Charlie to hear Nick tell him that he’d be interested in coaching himself once his rugby career ended. Charlie could imagine what an incredible coach Nick would be if he chose to move in that direction; he was always invested in his teammates’ successes. Michael talked about how much travel he had done recently with following some of his proteges to tournaments, and turned to openly appreciate Tori for how much she’d done to take care of their flat and their new addition Beetlejuice when he was gone.

“It’s so nice living together for that alone,” said Michael breezily. “It makes it a lot easier. So have you two talked about moving in together?” he asked brightly, in typical eager fashion. Charlie felt his stomach swoop; he wasn’t ready for this. Clueless, kind Michael who had know idea what he was stepping in. Charlie both loved and hated him at the moment. 

“Oh, we already live together,” said Nick casually, smiling easily at Charlie. Charlie’s eyebrows almost connected in the middle, he was so stunned.

“We… do? ” asked Charlie, his voice an embarrassing squeak. Tori looked between them, a smirk playing at her lips, offering no help at all. 

“Well, yeah, of course, right?” said Nick with a little confusion, looking at Charlie. “I mean, you have to go back to your old flat sometimes to grab some stuff or whatever, but we basically live at the townhouse, right?”

“I mean, yeah,” said Charlie, spluttering. “But we’ve never actually talked about it. And I - I still have a flat!”

“Oh,” said Nick, his eyebrows now furrowing. He glanced quickly at Michael and Tori, who were sitting on the other side of the table silently, Michael suppressing a grin and Tori looking supremely unruffled and amused. Charlie just knew if she had a straw she’d be sipping it, a tiny quirk on her lips. Nick’s expression cleared and he turned to Charlie. “Do you - can we live together? Keep living together?”

Charlie buried his head in his hands. He had worried about this for weeks. “Yes, you dolt,” he said into his hands. He looked up and shook his head at Nick, unable to keep a smile off his face even though he also wanted to strangle that affable, lovable golden retriever. “Of course I want to live with you.”

“Great!” said Nick, picking up Charlie’s hand and kissing it. “I’ll need several tenant references, of course.”

Michael laughed and Tori gave a small, approving nod towards Nick that Charlie just caught. She held his gaze for a moment, and he could read the smirk on her face at Charlie’s lingering shock and amazement. When Nick excused himself to use the toilet later, she leaned in. 

“I didn’t realize you were building a little country cottage with your man over there,” she said, her eyes sparkling a little bit even as her expression remained serious. “I’m surprised you haven’t called me to go ring shopping yet.”

Charlie could feel how scarlet his cheeks were flushing. “God, Tori. It’s been five months.”

Her mouth turned up at the corner. “So, not ready to tie the knot yet then?”

Charlie stammered. “What?! We’re not - he’s not…” He pointed at her with his fork, though he wasn’t able to keep the smile off his face. “Shut up.” 

Michael beamed. “Nick is fantastic and seems like he’s really good to you. I like him.”

Charlie rolled his eyes fondly. “Yeah…I do, too. He’s…” He stopped at he saw Nick returning, welcoming him back with a fond, soft smile. As Nick settled back in, Charlie caught Tori’s eye; she had been watching him. She gave him another tiny nod, one of the tiny movements that has been the basis of their quiet sibling communication for many years. It was the one that said, “Well done, you.” Charlie gave a tiny inclination of his head back at Tori, his heart warm as Nick and Michael started chatting again. He never had any question of if she would, but Tori’s approval meant the world to him.

-

By the time they had hugged Michael and Tori and gone to the car, Charlie was nearly bouncing from the excitement of the moving in conversation and the idea of what he wanted to do to Nick as soon as they got back. He had just to wait for the right moment.

And because they were Nick and Charlie, the right moment only had to wait about twenty minutes after they got home from dinner.

That was all the time it took for them to get home - to their home - and for Nick to get in the shower to rinse off and warm up, the night air chilling them both on their drive back from dinner. He had effectively gotten Charlie in the shower, too - a feat accomplished by Nick asking for a hug when they got into their (their!) bedroom to change, then pulling Charlie so Charlie was standing with his feet on top of Nick’s. Nick had then started walking toward the en-suite with Charlie still atop his feet, staggering like Frankenstein’s monster. It was a tremendously effective way to get Charlie to go whenever Nick was going.

They’d showered and Nick had tried to get handsy, but Charlie had smirked and slid away. When Nick whined, Charlie pressed back close again, just for a moment. 

“When we get out of the shower can I…I have an idea for what I want to do,” said Charlie, running his hand up the hard-soft planes of Nick’s abs and chest in the warm, sudsy water. 

“Oh, yeah?” asked Nick. “Wanna tell me what?”

“Nope,” said Charlie with a grin. “Is that okay?”

“Definitely,” said Nick, closing his eyes as Charlie’s hand dropped a little lower on his torso. “I won’t Char-gue with you taking over whatever we do.”

“Never mind,” deadpanned Charlie, drawing his hand away. “I have a headache.”

Nick laughed and pinched Charlie’s butt, making Charlie shriek a little, the sound reverberating off the tiles. They finished up showering and toweled off. Nick stood in the middle of the room, towel around his hips, slung low in the way that did things to Charlie. He grinned, giving Charlie a questioning look. 

“Should I…get dressed?”

“No,” said Charlie, crossing his arms and smiling back.

“Should I…get on the bed?”

“Uh-uh.” Charlie shook his head. 

“Follow you to the mirror cave of sexual wonders?”

“Not tonight.”

“Okay,” said Nick, taking off the towel and draping it over his shoulders, moving his feet so he stood a little wide-legged, fully naked except for the towel. “Guess I’ll just hang out here until you tell me what I should do.” He smirked at Charlie, whose eyes betrayed him by flickering to Nick’s semi-hard state. 

Nick thought he had the upper hand here, but Charlie was excited to fully take control this evening. He returned Nick’s cheeky look. Charlie went over to the small sitting area in the bedroom by the window that faced the back garden, grabbing a dry towel and laying it over the chair. He pointed at the chair. “Sit here, baby.”

Nick dropped his towel in the basket on the way over and went to the chair, sitting down. He scooted back a little on the chair, as if he was expecting Charlie to sit on his lap. 

Charlie shook his head. “Sit a little closer to the edge of the chair.” Nick did. Charlie moved closer and dropped to his knees in front of Nick. That made Nick inhale softly, and Charlie saw his dick jump a little as he filled out even more, even though Charlie hadn’t touched him yet. He pushed Nick’s knees apart and Nick readjusted how he was sitting. “You comfortable, baby?”

Nick nodded, his eyes on Charlie’s, a foot or so below his. He tried to speak once but nothing came out the first time, his voice catching in his throat. “Y-...yeah.”

“Good,” murmured Charlie. “I’m going to do things to you now. I’m going to make you feel so good. But I want you to tell me when you’re getting close, okay?”

“Okay,” breathed Nick, his eyes still locked. Charlie loved when his face looked like this - soft but intense. Ready for whatever Charlie was going to give him. Deeply, entirely trusting in Charlie.

Charlie stood up on his knees and kissed Nick, long and deep. He drew back and Nick exhaled a little at the loss, but then settled into deeper, longer breaths as Charlie ran his hands down Nick’s arms, massaging his biceps and forearms as he worked his way down. When he reached Nick’s right hand, he pulled it towards him and took Nick’s index finger in his mouth. Nick closed his eyes as Charlie gently tongued the digit to start, then his hips bucked once when Charlie started sucking. He met Nick’s eyes as he sucked on the finger, alternating deep and shallow. He let Nick’s index finger drift out of his mouth and took his middle finger next, taking it even deeper this time. 

“Char,” said Nick, his eyes closed and head rolling back a little. Charlie felt him give a little shiver. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Charlie loved that Nick was already feeling this. He had wanted to get him out of his head and he had a feeling that this was going to work extremely well. He released Nick’s hand and then continued working his way down his body, trailing his fingers along Nick’s sides to make him squirm a little. He lightly traced Nick’s happy trail with his nails, drawing his hands down but then moving away to press against Nick’s inner thighs before he actually touched his dick. That made Nick arch up, trying to find Charlie’s hands and get some satisfaction. Charlie grinned to himself. 

“Patience, baby,” he said in a low voice. Nick opened his eyes and looked at him, and Charlie smiled back seductively. “Can I keep going?” Nick smirked and nodded and closed his eyes again. Charlie massaged his upper legs, running his thumb along the muscles on the way down Nick’s leg to work out a few knots with medium pressure, then letting his fingers ghost lightly on the way back up, barely whispering against his dick. Each time he did, Nick made a tiny, exhaling, whining sound, but stayed fairly still. “Good,” said Charlie, the last pass he did. “You’re doing amazing, baby.” That made Nick’s eyes open again and the look in them was one Charlie wasn’t ready for. Nick was all intensity and devotion and lust. And just utter, utter faith and trust in Charlie. It made Charlie’s groin tingle pleasantly; he was already in a state himself just from this teasing. And it was going to get more intense. 

Nick looked almost uncomfortably hard by now, and Charlie finally settled further back on his knees to run his hands up and down his shaft. That made Nick groan, and Charlie let the sound wash through him. He loved getting to be the one that made Nick feel this way. He moved in closer and mouthed just the head of Nick’s penis, Nick sighing into the feeling. Charlie could feel the muscles twitching in Nick’s low core as he seemingly struggled to keep his hips still. “You’re so good, Nick, staying still like that and waiting for me,” he praised. That made Nick make a low, thrumming sound. He took Nick deeper in his mouth, using saliva for lubrication and moving his hand as well as his lips and tongue. Nick moaned and arched his back, reaching his hands and lacing them through Charlie’s hair. Charlie kept at it, alternating his motion with both his hand and his mouth. He settled into a rhythm of long, deep pulls until he felt Nick’s fingers tighten in his hair. 

“Char, I’m…I’m close,” choked out Nick. 

Charlie gave one more deep draw and then fully released both his hand and mouth from Nick’s cock. Nick groaned, this time unable to control the movement of his hips, convulsing up for a moment. His eyes fluttered open as Charlie pressed kisses into his hip creases and along his inner thighs, looking at Charlie beseechingly as his hips pressed against air a couple more pulses, making desperate sounds. 

“I’ll be back, baby,” promised Charlie with a wink. Nick half-laughed with a moan and dropped his head backwards against the back of the chair. He stroked through Charlie’s curls as Charlie shifted his attention to Nick’s calves, working them in a similar way to how he did with Nick’s quads, giving Nick a moment to cool off. He waited until Nick’s breath had slowed back down, though there had been no relief for his dick, clearly. Nick was still hard as ever, and he gasped when Charlie returned his attention to his cock, drawing up its underside with his tongue before teasing his frenulum. Nick writhed on the chair, making incredible noises that twisted Charlie’s stomach pleasurably, his hands gripping the armrests. Charlie was fully hard himself, but centered his focus back on Nick, trying to tune his entire body and brain to be present with what he was doing to Nick, what Nick was feeling. And clearly Nick was feeling good; he was putty in Charlie’s hands.

Charlie finally abandoned his teasing in a quick movement, taking Nick deep into his mouth and the start of his throat, making Nick honest-to-god shout in surprise, a single strangled syllable as he gripped the arms of the chair even harder, his body jolting. Nick made guttural, staccato sounds as Charlie pumped his dick, bobbing his head up and down, his hands seizing into Nick’s hip bones to give himself even more leverage. This time, Charlie only used his mouth, though from Nick’s noises, it didn’t seem like he minded. Charlie added some deeper motions, occasionally gagging but mostly not going deep enough to, varying his speed and the depth. After a few moments of this, he moved his hands again, pressing one into Nick’s thigh, the other around the base of his shaft, working up and down. He moved his mouth to Nick’s head, and just focused on the tip, letting it press in and almost out of his mouth, which he tried to keep tight and soft at the same time. Nick made a whimpering sound every time Charlie’s lips caught the head of his dick, again, working with what seemed like superhuman control to try to keep his hips still. His hands were again in Charlie’s hair, and Charlie could feel his inner thighs quaking a little, the muscles quivering in Charlie’s peripheral. 

“Ungh - I’m…close, Charlie, I’m close,” said Nick in a voice even more desperate than it was before. 

“Good,” said Charlie, “So good telling me that, Nick.” He pulled off again, and this time, Nick fully whined and thrashed a little, grinding his hips against the air even longer and breathing in bursts as his body worked to settle itself again. Charlie leaned his head against one of Nick’s thighs and stroked up and down Nick’s side as Nick settled back down.

“This...” Nick panted, his hands pressing into Charlie’s head, shoulders, arms, whatever he can reach. “God, Charlie…”

“Are you doing okay, baby?” asked Charlie, wanting to check in. “Is this too much?”

Nick gave a choked half-laugh. “No. It’s…I want it so much. It’s so good. And I want you so much. It’s so fucking intense, but no…keep - keep going.”

Charlie smiled, taking a little pity on Nick. “Well next time, you get to have it.” He drank in the delicious sound that Nick made in response, a groaning, pleased sigh, hips futilely moving again too. “But maybe…” He cleared his throat. “Would you want to try keeping your hands behind your back this time? Like, not touching me or yourself at all. Not until I finish you off.”

Nick moaned sinfully and his hips gave what seemed like an involuntary roll again. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, I want to do that.”

Charlie chuckled and kept his hand moving, smoothing against Nick’s leg, hip crease, calf. He took longer during this intermission, getting up off the ground to stand behind Nick for a moment to massage his shoulders and neck. Nick closed his eyes, his breathing slowly getting back under control. Charlie could see Nick’s hands curling in and out of fists, and smirked at the effect he was having on Nick’s body. This had definitely been a successful experiment in getting Nick out of his head. He didn’t know if Nick would ever be back in his head after this. He drew his hands up Nick’s neck and scratched his nails against Nick’s scalp through his hair, making him murmur and roll his head back and forth. Once Nick’s body was back to loose and relaxed (well, except for a specific part of him), Charlie moved again, circling around Nick and pausing to kiss him hard before he went back down to his knees. Nick gave a tiny “ungh” sound as Charlie sank down again in from of his spread legs. Nick shifted himself so his hands were behind him, forearms loosely crossed.

“Good,” murmured Charlie, making a shiver run through Nick. “So good, baby.” He stood up on his knees and leaned forward to kiss Nick again, then pushed his face into the space between Nick’s face and shoulder. He licked against Nick’s hot skin, then kissed the same spot. He pulled back before he could make a mark, and Nick gave a little whimper. “Do you - I don’t want to leave a bruise,” said Charlie. “You have to be in the locker room undressed all the time.”

“Fuck it,” said Nick in a husky voice. “Those guys have hickeys all the time. Please. Please…mark me, Charlie.” 

That made Charlie squirm a little bit, realizing in a flash how intensely turned on he was, his mind having been occupied only by Nick’s pleasure before. He was getting the same breaks that Nick was when he had been pulling off, but Nick’s words reminded him that he was hard, almost aching a little bit now that he realized it. The idea of marking Nick was incredibly hot. He pressed forward into Nick again so Nick could feel the brush of Charlie’s hardness against his, making Nick inhale. He gently bit Nick’s ear and then trailed down to his neck, kissing gently at first and then pulling with his mouth and tongue, mixing light and harder pressure. He pulled back, giving one more soft kiss to the spot before kissing Nick once more. He felt Nick’s eyes on him as he settled back onto his heels once more, spreading his fingers and running his hands up Nick’s upper legs from his knees to his hips. Nick gave him another blown-out look, arms still behind him, shoulder muscles jumping a little. Charlie loved this man so, so much. He wanted him to feel so good. 

Charlie let one of his hands drift down to graze Nick’s cock, making him twitch and groan. He took Nick in his hand and brushed him against his cheek before turning his head and sinking down on his dick. Nick jumped when he did, his back arching again. Charlie started at the head again, but then quickly went deeper, using both of his hands. He kept one on Nick’s shaft, working him with his wrist, and the other one played with his balls. Nick was writhing and humming with broken, blissful noises as Charlie went at a steady pace, his shoulders flexing as he gripped his forearms behind his back to keep from touching himself or Charlie. Charlie felt Nick’s abs start to tense again, his hips juddering.

“I’m going to - oh, god Charlie. I’m going to come. Can I…” Nick breathed, eyes fighting to stay open. Charlie made a noise of assent as he stayed on Nick at the same rhythm, giving him permission to let go. And he did, groaning as he came, the first pulse hitting the back of Charlie’s throat with more power than he expected and Charlie pulled off in surprise with the force. The second rope hit Nick in the chest, his orgasm powerfully intense. Charlie milked him with his hands as he finished, Nick’s hips still bucking as he rode out the wave, lasting much longer than normal. He finished and slumped down in the chair, releasing his arms and letting them fall slackly by his sides. He closed his eyes for a moment, opening them and looking at Charlie’s angry-looking dick, still hard. He moved to sit up, but Charlie shook his head. 

“It’s okay, baby. Lay back. Can I…can I finish against you?” asked Charlie, a little breathless from the stark boldness of the ask.

“Oh my god, yes,” said Nick, sounding boneless but still turned incredibly on. Charlie pushed himself back up onto his knees one last time, jerking himself off. It took almost no time at all; he was intensely aroused, especially after watching Nick fly apart. He felt his release build and then he was coming against Nick’s stomach, Nick whispering to him in words that washed over him. He finished and then braced himself against Nick’s legs, pressing his body against Nick’s shins. Charlie slumped over on top of Nick’s thighs, heedless of the mess, knowing that they’d need to shower again. 

“Fuck,” said Nick, drawing out the word in one hissing breath. “Charlie.” He wound his hands into Charlie’s hair, massaging his scalp. “You’re a monster. That was so fucking intense.” He paused, and Charlie was going to ask if it had been too much for Nick, but Nick spoke again first. “Maybe next time you can really make sure my arms stay in place?” Charlie looked up in intrigued surprise and Nick winked. This man. This man was going to be the end of him. And it would be the happiest ending possible. 

Chapter Text

When Charlie woke up before the alarm on Friday morning, at first he wasn’t sure why he felt so great. Then he glanced over at the rugby-playing, orgasm-giving, Marvel-loving, zero-chill-having lump of man laying next to him and grinned. They lived together. Granted, one of them had placidly believed that they were living together for weeks and the other’s brain had been chewing on “talking about moving in” anxiety like a rat on drywall (no names mentioned as to who was who), but they were living together now. Charlie closed his eyes and stretched long, then sighed happily and burrowed toward Nick, snuggling against Nick’s back, which was turned away from him and draped his arm over Nick’s waist.

His movement woke Nick up, who stirred sleepily and reached his top arm behind him, blindly feeling what he first made contact with, which was Charlie’s cheek. “Hi, love,” Nick murmured, giving Charlie a few gentle pats, like a dog. “Sleep well?” Not waiting for a reply, he turned on his back and held out his arm so Charlie could slide under and lay his head between Nick’s chest and shoulder. 

“Yeah,” said Charlie, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of Nick’s skin. “Did you?”

“Mhm,” Nick said, his eyes closing again. “‘M so glad every time I get to wake up with you. Which is every day, now. That makes me so happy, Char.”

Charlie hummed happily. “Yeah, me too.” He snorted. “Though maybe you could have told me that we lived together before you told Michael and Tori, yeah?”

Nick gave a tiny shrug, and Charlie could see the smile on his face. “You should have known; I’ve been invoicing you weekly for rent, and you are now incredibly delinquent in your payments.”

Charlie laughed lightly, then paused with his head against Nick’s chest, considering. “You know, we haven’t talked about that, yet. How much I should pay, that kind of stuff.”

Nick shook his head no exaggeratedly, getting his shoulders in it too and flopping Charlie from side to side as he moved. “Nah, I’ve got it covered.”

Charlie pushed himself slightly away and raised himself up on his elbow to look at Nick. “No, seriously baby. I don’t want you to, like - feel like I’m…not contributing? Like, I want us to be authentically living together, with me helping pay and stuff.”

Nick looked at him, eyebrows a little furrowed, seeming genuinely perplexed. “But…I get paid a lot, Charlie. Like, a stupid amount. And I already pay the full amount anyway, so it doesn’t change anything for me, right? Why would I have you pay?”

Charlie closed his eyes, trying to sort through the words in his brain. “Yeah, no, I get what you’re saying, baby. But like…if I move in and don’t pay for a flat anymore, the idea of just living here rent-free feels a little - intimidating? Maybe that’s not the right word. Like…unbalanced, maybe? Like - it could end up feeling like a favor that you let me live here, and then, if something ever happened, it’s your place, not ours, just, you know…in case…” Charlie trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Nick looked at him, eyes now full of concern. “I don’t have an ‘in case’,” he said, drawing Charlie back in and stroking his hair. “Do you think about an ‘in case’?”

“No, definitely not,” said Charlie. “But I just - I want to be, like, partners, you know? And partners in helping to pay for stuff, too.”

Nick paused, considering. “I…okay. I get the sentiment, yeah. I really don’t care about the money - at all. I’d…I’d honestly love to take care of the cost for us. But I also know what you’re saying, about it feeling like our place. Part of it will be getting your furniture in here, right, so it’s our home and not mine?”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. “I mean, that’s part of it. And honestly, maybe changing up the art a little?” He added that last part with a smile.

Nick scoffed. “What’s wrong with the art I have?”

“I love you so much, but we can step it up a little bit from TK Maxx generic prints, love.”

Nick laughed. “Fine. Maybe we can recruit Elle?”

Charlie nodded against Nick. “Deal. But uh - I do still want to talk about money, too. Making us you know, partners in living together as well.”

Nick paused, thinking. It was clear to Charlie that in Nick’s brain, this wasn’t an issue at all, but he appreciated Nick trying to take Charlie’s perspective. “So…what if I continue to pay the mortgage, and you pay the utilities? We can even put them in your name so both of our names are associated with this place.”

Charlie let out a slow breath, feeling the tingle of anxiety that had crept in leaving his body. He kept forgetting how good they were at talking and finding a solution. He had spent too many years with too many mediocre partners where he’d struggled to communicate or felt shut down by their communication patterns. It had been many years of stymied and staccato conversations, and it was still a little surprising on occasion when things were just easy with Nick. It was a new type of muscle memory that he was learning. “That sounds great, Nick,” said Charlie with a smile. “Thank you, too…for talking about it.”

“Literally always,” said Nick, his voice slow again like he was getting close to drifting back off again. “Though I’m going to set the heat to 25 degrees every day now that you’re paying. It’ll be like a fucking tropical beach in here.”

Charlie snickered and closed his eyes, too. “Whatever. I’m just looking forward to pulling people aside to ask if my weird roommate can come to whatever things I get invited to.”

“Oi,” muttered Nick, but it was half-hearted and fading. They both jumped out of their skins when the alarm went off a moment later, Nick’s fingers pressing against Charlie’s back when he gripped him hard. They both winced and grunted against the homophobia of sleep schedules, then draggingly got out of bed to get ready for the day. The rest of Charlie’s family was arriving that day, and Charlie knew Nick was excited to see Olly. It was literally face-melting to watch the two of them together, and Charlie couldn’t wait.

-

Charlie’s parents and brother arrived during training, Nick having arranged with Mr. Lange to allow them to sit and observe practice. Olly had been positively bouncing to hear this, though Jane and Julio seemed a little less thrilled. They didn’t share Olly’s unbridled enthusiasm for endless drill sets, even though to Olly, it was like watching Degas paint, or Michelangelo sculpt, or Trixie Mattel slay (Charlie had made the mistake once of showing Olly a Trixie Mattel clip and Olly was obsessed). Without too many intense injuries, Amy and Charlie were both outside with the team as they trained instead of in the physio room, and they both returned Olly’s frantic wave when he and his parents traipsed into the stands. Charlie knew that they had all been told they needed to be silent observers, and he also knew it was a monumental task for Olly, occasionally sneaking glances to see him physically sitting on his hands to not clap for Nick every time he caught a ball. 

Training ended, and most of the team started ambling towards the locker room. Nick gave Charlie a wink, and jogged over to the stands where Olly was rushing down towards the field to get as close to Nick and the practice pitch as he could. Charlie came over to join, standing shoulder to shoulder with Nick and grinning up at Olly. 

“What’d you think?” asked Nick, his hands on his hips.

“You were brilliant,” enthused Olly. “You’re going to crush the Sharks tomorrow.” This was probably true. Sale was their last easier match before they had a series of truly challenging fixtures. Sale just wasn’t well-suited for their offensive sets, and Charlie hoped that they’d have a dominating win, especially after the frustration of last week’s draw. 

Nick laughed. “I hope so. Do you promise that we can hang out after the fixture and talk through it?”

Olly nodded seriously. “Definitely.” He thought for a second, and then turned to Jane. “Mum - can we hang out with Nick after the match tomorrow?” Jane gave an amused nod, and Olly turned back to Nick. “Definitely,” he repeated, beaming. 

Nick grinned. “Good.” He shifted his attention to Jane and Julio. “Sounds like you all are going out to dinner with some friends tonight, yes?” They affirmed that they were, and Nick asked about the restaurant they were going to, offering a suggestion of one of his favorite appetizers to order when he went there. Charlie loved Nick for so many reasons, and one of them was just how much he listened. Charlie had only mentioned that his family was going out that night in passing, and it was such an easy and effective way of connecting with Charlie’s parents and making them feel like they mattered to Nick - and Charlie, of course. As for them, they had team dinner that evening, which meant that he and Nick mercifully got to escape the meal with family friends. Olly unluckily was being dragged along, but they’d all be going to dinner as a full family - plus Nick and Charlie and Michael - the following evening after the match. 

It ended up being a nice team dinner, one where the staff was invited as well. It was a more formal seated and plated meal than they sometimes did, and Charlie took the opportunity of Nick sitting with the team to find a seat between Imogen and Amy, the three of them settling at a nice spot at the very end of one of the long tables. Team dinner staff usually included just the most team-facing members, and they took a quick selfie to send to Elle and Tao, Imogen flipping off the camera, Amy pursing her lips into a chipmunk-toothed face, and Charlie affectionately rolling his eyes between the two of them. 

They chatted about their weeks, Imogen telling them both about a fundraiser that she and Sahar were putting together at her gallery along with Isaac. They were recruiting as many queer artists and allies as they could to contribute pieces, the proceeds split between the artists and a youth art group in Leeds. Isaac’s LGBTQ+ alliance was helping organize the outreach, Sahar was managing the artists, and Imogen was setting up the marketing and communications. It sounded great, and Amy and Charlie both checked the dates to make sure that they’d be able to go. 

“Have you two still been boxing with Tex?” asked Imogen.

“Yeah,” said Amy. “It’s honestly so fun. And feels, like - empowering, you know? Like the knowledge of how to defend yourself being in your back pocket is cool. But like Tex said, it’s one of those things that you want to never have to use.”

Charlie agreed. “It’s been great, though it’s exhausting. Thirty minutes feels like an eternity.”

“Oh, I bet,” said Imogen. “I prefer sports where you don’t sweat as much. Like cycling. Or savasana pose in yoga. Or watching reality TV.”

Charlie laughed. “And that’s a sport?”

“A blood sport!” Imogen exclaimed. “Tell me your heart rate doesn’t go up at some of the drama.” They chuckled at that. “Tex seems pretty cool still, yeah?” asked Imogen.

“He’s great,” said Amy. “We’ll all have to have a night out together soon. Actually, you need to see if you can come on the next trip to London when we play the Saracens. It’s an away, and Tex’s brother does drag there. The bye week is right after, so we could all even stay an extra night or two if we wanted. Tex said the girl he was dating in Ireland is going to come to visit, too - Regan, I think her name is?”

“That would be so fun,” said Imogen. “I hate to say it, but I’ve never been to a drag show.”

“Really, Immy?” asked Charlie. “Oh god, you’ll love it. We need to make this happen.”

“Yes,” agreed Amy emphatically. “And don’t Tara and Darcy live in London, too?”

Imogen squealed. “YES. Oh, we’re going to make this happen; I was so sad to miss them when they were here.” Charlie thought of Amy and Darcy together again, now plus Imogen. That would be a wild night for sure. Imogen gave a look to Amy. “Hm, a big night out in London. Alcohol, dancing, late nights…maybe we invite a few specific team members, too?” She raised an eyebrow at Amy and smirked. 

Amy fixed Imogen with a flat look. “Danny and James? Definitely.”

“C’mon, babes,” said Imogen, her smile softening. “Any movement?”

Amy scowled a little. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because…it’s…complicated,” she finished lamely, her posture deflating a little bit.

Imogen put her hand on top of Amy’s. “What’s complicated about it?” she asked, her voice gentle.

“I just…so, what, the thing with Caden happened in March, right? So, eleven months ago. Jesus, I can’t believe it’s almost been a full year. And then the first three months of that were just, like, survival. Like everything’s the same except for this huge, central part of your life is gone. And then it got easier, but there are also these shitty reminders that pop up, like when you hear a song that you used to listen to together or, I don’t know, see a piece of lingerie that makes you think of a particular night. Or when they text you on New Year’s Eve.” Here she looked at Charlie, clearly remembering the night that Caden had messaged her and she got incredibly drunk. “So there are these, like, waves where things feel good again, or you go on a date or whatever, and then feel strong and ready to go and be your best self. Then something happens that pulls you back under, just a little bit. And that makes it - like, I know I have to try again. That’s literally the only way. But, like, thinking about it with Seamus in particular is hard. It almost feels safer to try again with someone you don’t really know…you know?”

“I know,” said Charlie, and Amy chuckled a little. “It’s like it was to a degree with me and Nick, or Elle and Tao, too. That you’re worried about losing the friendship, or making things awkward at work or whatever. But it’s also scarier because you do know Seamus. You’ve seen so many of the sides of him, and you still like him. It’s like…an investment. You’re already invested, so it also can feel like a harder barrier to overcome, I bet.”

“Yes!” said Amy, slapping her hand down on the table and making Imogen and Charlie jump. “Oh, sorry, I am very strong now and make much noise with my punchy boxing arms. Yes, an investment. It’s like…I’m already invested and don’t even know if he’d want to try. Like, there is a very big difference between flirty or protective-older-brother-rugger type energy and legitimately wanting to date someone.”

“I mean, true,” said Imogen reasonably. “But…you won’t know unless you try. Or like, talk about it.”

“Talk about my feelings? No, no thank you,” said Amy. “I will drink about my feelings and I will die bottled up and in denial, just like our ancestors intended.”

Charlie and Imogen let it drop, sensing that that particular thread of the conversation was at its natural end. They spoke about other things as the formal dinner portion of the night wrapped up, both Imogen and Amy delighted that Charlie and Nick were formally moving into together, both of them laughing when they found out how it all came about. Once dinner was over the three of them drifted over to the players, a few natural little knots of conversation forming. 

Amy nudged Charlie and he looked over to see Danny and James standing a bit away, their backs to Amy and Charlie. James’s arm was behind Danny, his fingers at the nape of Danny’s neck playing with the hair there as they talked to Lunker, Tex, and Wilco. Amy caught Charlie’s eye, grinning, and Charlie returned the smile. It was wild to think of the James that Charlie had spoken to just a few months before, the one who was so terrified to even say out loud how he felt about Danny. Seeing them like this now was wonderful, so casually comfortable in front of the team, even if not in public yet.

Amy and Charlie skirted around and joined the group, Wilco and the others opening the circle to make space. Out of the corner of his eye, Charlie saw Nick’s head casting around, and he gave a little wave to get his attention. Nick caught it and headed over, giving Charlie’s arm a little squeeze before shouldering up next to him. They all stood for a little, chatting a bit about the match but about other things, as well. Wilco asked about Charlie’s family, having seen them in the stands at training. He told Charlie that his own kids were coming to tomorrow’s fixture as well. Lunker asked Tex about his girlfriend, having heard about her through the grapevine.

“Yeah, she’s actually Swedish, but’s been living in Ireland for the last few years,” explained Tex. “I’m hoping she ends up moving down here as well; she seems game for it.”

“How long have you been together?” asked Charlie. 

“About a year,” said Tex. “The distance is a bummer but it’s not too bad; we had to travel so much on my old team that it was basically distance anyways.”

“You said she’s Swedish, yeah?” asked Danny. Tex nodded easily. “You know, I ran a race in what I thought was Sweden one time. Didn’t realize I’d gotten lost until I crossed the Finnish line.”

Seamus had been walking towards the group to join when he heard Danny. He aborted his approach immediately, shaking his head and saying, “Nope,” several times and walking away. Nick and Tex were laughing, while the others in the group were reacting in various levels of hidden amusement and manufactured annoyance. 

Wilco looked wonderingly at Danny, bemused. “I don’t even know how you lot make dad jokes,” he said, including Nick and Tex in the tilt of his head. “You don’t even have kids.”

Nick smiled broadly and Charlie knew to brace himself from the look on his face. “Nah, these are just puns,” he said. “A pun doesn’t become a dad joke until it becomes apparent.” He held up both his hands without looking and both Danny and Tex slapped each of his palms in a high-five. Charlie held back a laugh and heaved a sigh. 

James nodded sympathetically. “We should form a support group.”

Charlie gave him a morose look, gesturing to the trio, grinning like jackals. “I think it’s too late. They have us outnumbered.”

The rest of the evening was mellow and casual, dinner breaking up around 8 so the team could get home to do whatever pre-fixture day rituals they partook in. Nick and Charlie drove home, alternately talking and sitting without speaking, music playing softly in the car. Charlie got into bed first after they both showered and he helped Nick stretch, with only a few makeout intermissions. Nick was still up, packing his bag for the next day, a task he constantly procrastinated. Charlie hid his smile behind a book when Nick furtively went to his top drawer and pulled out a pair of red pants that he stuffed into his bag, seeming to believe that he successfully hid it from Charlie. He finally got in bed, and Charlie laid his book down when Nick cuddled up behind him. 

“Feeling okay about tomorrow?” Charlie murmured, his eyes closed again as Nick pressed a few soft kisses to the side of his neck.

“Yeah,” said Nick. “I’m really hoping it’s an easy match. Gotta score some points so the whole Spring family still thinks I’m cool.” 

Charlie tilted his head to look at Nick and ran a hand through his hair, putting on a sorrowful tone. “Oh, love, I heard the joke you made earlier. Your max now is 4 out of 5 Springs thinking you’re cool.”

Nick hummed, considering. “80%? Better than I ever did in maths. I’ll take it.” He pressed himself up on his arm to drop a kiss on Charlie’s lips, then laid back down. “Maybe they can talk you into keeping me.”

Charlie smiled, his eyes closed. “Well, I’m just in this for your mum and Nellie, honestly.” He smirked when Nick pinched his butt playfully. Tomorrow, they had the promise of waking up together, going through the day, and coming back to the same home. And to have that over and over again, too? Charlie sighed happily as he settled down deeper into the blankets and the man next to him. Life was good.

-

Life got even better at the match the next day. Sale wasn’t a terrible team by any stretch, but they were just poorly matched for the Badger’s offense and how many threats they had on their team. The Badgers overpowered Sale from the start, Danny and Wilco scoring tries within the first twelve minutes after their prop was sent to the Sin Bin for a dangerous clearout. With two matching successful conversions, the Badgers pulled up by 14-0 and didn’t look back for the rest of the first half, with James scoring a drop-goal and a try as well, held scoreless for the entire forty minutes. The team jogged off the field in high spirits, though no one was dickish about it in their celebrations, both for sportsmanship reasons and the awareness that fortunes could turn quickly in any fixture. 

Once they hit the tunnel, though, the team was a little rowdier, clapping each other on the back and calling out each others’ or their own plays. Charlie grinned as he watched the mass of bodies from the outside edge with Amy. Nick caught his eye and worked his way over to Charlie from the knot of players, everyone laughing and bouncing and slowly making their way to the locker room. He grabbed Charlie by the hand and pulled him towards himself, their chests almost colliding, Charlie squeaking a little in surprise as they met. Nick had a cheeky, glowing grin on his face as he smiled down. He looked directly in Charlie’s eyes for a minute, a question on his face as players moved around them, making their way past. 

Charlie looked up at Nick, grinning. He gave a tiny nod, his heart going a million miles an hour. Nick matched his smile and pressed a quick kiss onto Charlie’s lips, still gently holding his hand. It only lasted a second, a brief blink of a moment, but in that moment Charlie felt like he felt a thousand things. Love, intensity, trust, joy, pride. There were a couple wolf-whistles and Charlie felt a few hands clap him on the shoulder as players passed, but there was nothing but smiles around them, everyone still celebrating with one another. Nick released him and gave him one more searing, happy look before getting drawn back into the group of players, all of them still talking about the plays that each other had made as they reached the door of the locker room. Charlie tried to wipe what he knew was a ridiculous look off his face. They’d come so far, he and Nick, Nick especially. From hidden touches in the physio room to a kiss-in-the-middle-of-afternoon-light in front of everyone - it made Charlie so incredibly happy.

That was only dulled a tiny bit in the locker room when Coach Croft announced that some of the starters were going to be pulled and some reserves were going to get field time, Nick, Lunker, Seamus, Wilco, and James among them. Charlie watched as Nick warmly slapped Crotty’s back, one of the team’s reserve fly-halfs who’d be taking his place. Nick looked happy for Crotty and Charlie was, too, but he knew that Olly would be a little disappointed that Nick likely wouldn’t be in for the rest of the match and hadn’t scored in the first half due to his unselfish play. 

The Badgers re-took the field and the second half of the match kicked off to a slightly thinned crowd. It was a later afternoon game, and with night coming, the temperature was dropping. Sale received the ball to start and managed to put on a better showing in the second half, though it was partially due to the Badgers’ lineup changes as well, the less seasoned players lacking the same fluid connection of the starters with each other. Still, Fitzy scored twice and Crotty did once as well, along with Lucas, as the final score was 50-14 to the Badgers. The Badgers acknowledged the home crowd and headed into the locker room. Amy cut out to address a knee issue with one of her players and Charlie wanted to do a quick check-in on Danny’s shoulder before he got his family. As he turned to go, he saw Wilco, Seamus, and Nick gathered in a little group, having some sort of focused chat, nodding and gesturing. They moved away from each other at the same time, and Nick saw Charlie and grinned. Charlie smiled back and went towards Nick, when a voice called for both of them.

“Nick? Charlie?” It was Coach Singh. Her face was usually serious, but it looked even more so at the moment. “I need to speak with you both.”

Charlie’s stomach dropped a little. Amy gave him a quick look and whispered that she’d see to Danny, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze. Charlie saw Seamus and Wilco glance their way as he and Nick followed Singh to the coach’s office, where Coach Croft was, as well. He and Nick lingered in the doorway for a moment, exchanging a quick look between them. Charlie wracked his brain trying to think of what this was about - he and Nick were out and open and didn’t have anything to hide any more. Coach Croft looked up and gestured for Nick and Charlie to come in, and asked them to sit down. They did, in the two chairs that faced Croft’s desk, Singh sitting on her desk at an angle to them. Charlie could see the stiffness in Nick’s posture and stopped himself reaching for Nick’s hand.

“Nick, Charlie,” said Croft, his voice serious but attempting at gentleness. “We wanted to let you know. The whole internal investigation about the email wrapped up. Actually, it wrapped up earlier today, but we didn’t want to drop it on you right before the match.”

Nick gave a tight nod and Charlie did, too. 

Croft sighed. “I hate to say it, but it was sent by a former staff member, Benjamin Hope.” Charlie’s stomach tightened at the name, but the blow wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. He already knew this, had known it right away. He couldn’t fathom the motivation for why Ben did it, what drove him to do something that cruel, but it had never crossed his mind that it would have been someone else. He looked at the desk for a moment to see Nick’s hand curling into a fist on top of the desk for a moment, knuckles whitening. 

Croft went on. “He was a sales team member who quit the day after the team video came out. Legal zeroed in pretty quickly with that and a few other things, but the IT investigation wasn’t finished until just this morning.” Charlie nodded numbly and looked at Nick. Nick looked back at him and let out a breath. He took his hand off the desk and lowered it to take Charlie’s, pulling their interlocked hands together next to him. Croft looked between them. “It doesn’t seem like this is a surprise to you?”

“No,” said Nick. “Unfortunately not.”

Croft nodded. “If anything happened before this with him and the two of you, please share it with the legal team, or me, and I can pass it along.” He closed his eyes for a second, clearly hating what he was going to say. “Singh and I asked that we have this conversation just with the four of us, so I may get some of the legal details wrong, but it sounds like there’s no guarantee of a criminal conviction, if you decide to press personal charges. The team can go after him for some of the technology stuff, like using the team email from an unsanctioned account, but there’s red tape even with that and a lot of counterpoints that can be brought up about the team not using a more secure system. And you can absolutely choose to press harassment charges, but again, there’s a lot with that as well. It would also mean a trial, and probably a lot of public coverage. So…it’s up to you.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry this happened. Neither of you deserved it. We’ll support you however we can. We’ve sent a release to the other clubs, and clearly Mr. Hope is never to be hired in this league again, or any other rugby league. But we wanted to tell you, and tell you as soon as we could.” Singh nodded in agreement, looking at Nick and Charlie.

Charlie took a long breath. “Thank you,” he said, looking down at the desk for a moment. He knew logically he shouldn’t, but he was internally spiraling a little. He brought Ben into his own life, which then crossed over with Nick’s life. It was, ultimately, his fault that they caught Ben’s attention. He felt Nick’s eyes on him before he must have looked back at Croft.

“Thanks, coach,” said Nick in a level voice. “We’re going - mind if we step out? Probably need a minute before we go see the team and families and stuff.”

“Of course,” said Croft. “And clearly we’ll wait for you if you want to tell the team, or want us to tell the team. It’s your call.”

“Thanks,” repeated Nick. He stood up, Charlie joining him, and they made their way out of the office. As soon as they turned the corner, Nick pulled Charlie into his arms, wrapping himself around Charlie’s body. “You okay?” he murmured. “I saw your face, love. We both knew this already - but I see your brain going. What is it? Making the decision about charges? Or Croft mentioning a trial?”

Charlie tried to speak a few times but struggled to. He took a breath to steady himself. “No, we can talk about this later. I - my family is here. I need to go get them.” He raised his face to look at Nick’s, swallowing hard to push down what was coming up. “Let’s talk about this at home?”

Nick shook his head and pulled Charlie to one of the adjoining office spaces, closing the door. He turned towards Charlie, placing his hands on Charlie’s upper arms. “No, Char. You’ve helped me learn over and over that processing helps, and we’ll do it more than once for sure. But we can help each other process through now. Please. Tell me what you’re worrying about.”

Charlie tried to take another steadying breath, but it came out shaky and uneven. He could feel the tears building in his throat. “It’s that - this is my fault, Nick.” He could feel Nick’s hands tighten on his arms a little and pressed on. “I…fuck. I let Ben into my life. And I let him have so much power over me. Like - let him walk all over me and just took it. And then when I took that away, he got what I guess he thought was revenge or retribution or whatever. But not just on me, it was on you, too. And I feel like it’s…it’s my fault that this happened to you.” His voice fully broke on the last word and he was crying, then immediately buried in Nick’s chest, his face pressed up against Nick’s rugby shirt. Nick held him and stroked his hair and waited for the storm to pass. Charlie let himself fully go, Nick’s gentle whispers washing over and through him, telling him to let it out, just like Charlie had when David had barged back into their lives. His breath started to steady and he could feel the catharsis of crying. He hadn’t said this to Nick before; expressed this worry that it was his fault, ultimately, that this had happened to them. To Nick.

Nick drew Charlie back a little and ran his thumb across Charlie’s cheekbone, brushing away the last few tears that glimmered there. “Charlie.” His voice was firm. “I need you to look at me.” Charlie did, blinking his eyes a few times to try to keep steady. “Like, really look at me, okay? I want you to hear me. This is not your fault.” He tilted his head down so it tapped against Charlie’s for a moment, silencing what he knew Charlie was even thinking. “This is not your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. You didn’t make the choice to make Ben be a dick. You didn’t make the choice for him to fucking assault you. You didn’t make the choice to lash out and be cruel. Here’s what you did make the choice to do. You chose to end things with him. You chose to tell him to fuck off, several times. You chose to protect his privacy, because that’s who you are, Charlie. You chose to be kind, and loving, and wonderful. And you chose to be with me. And I chose to be with you. Neither of us chose to be hateful. He did. And I’m with you - I can’t fucking understand why he did that. Especially after you - you fucking, like, protected his privacy, Charlie! And then he did this…” Nick sighed. “But neither of us would ever choose to intentionally cut someone down. And that’s why we’re who we are. That’s why we’re happy, and together, and surrounded by people who love us. He’ll never have that, Charlie.” Nick squeezed Charlie’s hand with his free one. “And you know, some part of me does want to press charges. The vindictive part - I want others to see and hear what he did, exposing everything about him. There’s a part of me that does want him to suffer some, too.” Nick paused, searching for the right words. “But then…most of me just wants to be with you. In what we’ve made. He thought he could make a fucking dent in this?” Nick gestured between him and Charlie. “No, Char. He’s just noise. You and me - and everyone in our lives - we’re what’s real. And good. And his shit life doesn’t need to impact us anymore. At least…that’s where I am about it, but of course I want to know what you think, too. But at the end of the day - this isn’t your fault, love. Unkindness comes from unhappiness, Lucy told me. You didn’t make that happen, Char. He chose to make it like this for himself.”

Charlie took a long, slow breath. He closed his eyes for a minute, breathing in Nick’s words. They were like a cooling salve, helping bring down the heat and frenzy of his brain and heart that had whipped up when they spoke to Coach Croft. “Nick…” he trailed off for a moment, overwhelmed by the feelings he had for the man in front of him. “Thank you.” He closed his eyes again, trying to string together the words that were in his heart. “I think - I think I needed to hear that. And I needed to say that, too. It was something I feel like I was carrying since it all happened, and you - just, thank you, baby.” He wrapped himself around Nick’s torso and Nick held him back. “I think I just - I want this to be done, too, you know? Go on living our life. It’s like…we’re a cruise ship, and he’s trying to throw ping pong balls at us, right?” 

Nick exhaled with a quiet laugh. “Exactly, love. There’s no impacting this, right?” He gave Charlie a pulse with his arms on the word “this”. 

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. He took a long, slow breath in, feeling inexplicably lighter, despite the unrevealing revelation. “And like you said, we’ll talk about this more, too. But I should - I need to get my family. I know someone is dying to see you.”

Nick smiled down at Charlie. “Tori?”

Charlie grinned back. “Yeah.”

Nick kissed him softly. “Yeah, go get the family, okay? I have something I wanted to do.” Charlie tilted his head, but Nick wouldn’t let it out. “Nope, you’ll see, okay? See you in a few. I love you, Charlie.”

“I love you, too, Nick,” said Charlie, with one more kiss. He walked with Nick to the locker room and left him at the door. Feeling much more settled now and checking his face with his phone to make sure he wasn’t red-eyed, he headed down one of the hallways to an area where families of players could gather, seeing his parents standing with Olly between them, looking happy though perhaps a little less bright than he might have if Nick had scored some points. Tori and Michael were there as well, and everyone looked up as Charlie approached.

“All right?” he asked, looking at all of them, but focusing mainly on Olly.

“Yeah,” said Olly. “I’m really glad we won.”

Charlie smiled at his brother. “But you wish maybe Nick had scored, huh?”

Olly nodded. “That would have been cool, yeah.”

“Well, would going to the locker room to get to say hi make it any cooler?” asked Charlie.

“Definitely,” said Olly, bouncing back like a rubber band and looking thrilled. 

Charlie glanced at his parents, Michael, and Tori. “Are you coming?”

“We’re okay,” said Julio. “Annette here said that we could join her and some of the other families in the hall of fame room while you say hi with Olly.” Annette popped her head around from where she’d been slightly out of sight, talking to Jane. 

“Oh, great, thanks Annette,” said Charlie. 

“Of course, my Charlie,” she replied. “Trevor has already come to get our children, you will see them in the changing room as well, Oliver.”

Charlie and Olly waved goodbye and went to the locker room so that Olly could say hello to everyone. Charlie saw that Nick was still in his uniform, talking animatedly to the Wilcox kids. He saw Charlie and Olly come in and stood, tossing something at Olly that he caught before Charlie could see what it was.

“Well, what do you think, Olly?”

Olly cocked his head in confusion, holding up the balled-up fabric that Nick had tossed to him to unbunch it and see what it was. It was Badgers team jacket, one of the smallest that they had but still too large for him. “Oh, wow! Is this for me?” Olly asked. 

“Yes, you get to keep that. But put it on now - you’re gonna need that to stay warm,” Nick said, nodding. “C’mon now, I didn’t get enough field time in today; I need to practice. Do you want to come out to the pitch with us and get a bit of a match in?”

Charlie could feel the grin spreading across his face as Olly’s expression changed from confusion to utter joy. He saw Seamus, Wilco, and James hadn’t undressed either, and all of them were putting on jackets and joggers over their rugby clothes, keeping their boots on. Now he knew what Nick, Seamus, and Wilco had been discussing, and clearly it had spread, with Will and Stig also putting on layers to join them outside.

“Dress warm,” Wilco called to his kids, tossing jackets at Jacques, Amelia, and Clara. He looked at Charlie, smiling. “Charlie, can you tell Annette and the others that we’re all heading to the practice pitch for a bit and then join us?” 

“Of course,” said Charlie, casting one more look at the locker room. Nick was kneeling in front of Clara, helping her get her boots on, while Seamus was gesturing with a rugby ball to Amelia and Olly, both transfixed and nodding along to anything he said. James was tossing a ball with Jacques while Wilco gathered a box of a few more things before calling out that it was time to go.

Charlie made his way to the hall of fame room at top gay-walk speed, finding his family plus Michael standing with Annette and a few other players’ family members he didn’t know as well, explaining where everyone was. Annette beamed and immediately went to get her coat, and Charlie’s family all went to get their things as well. Charlie could sense the tiny bit of annoyance from his mum; she wasn’t a huge fan of plans changing or being outside in the cold, and this was both. They made their way to the practice pitch, the stadium lights shining bright and yellow down on the field, illuminating the fat snowflakes that had started to fall. There were already bodies moving, larger ones and smaller ones. Even before they got closer, Charlie could tell that a few other players had joined the gentle pick-up match. He settled on the metal bleachers next to the practice pitch with his family, watching the happy tumult. 

“Here, take this blanket,” said Annette, leaning over Charlie to hand Jane a blanket that was weatherproof on one side. 

Jane looked at her in surprise. “Why do you have this?”

Annette smiled. “This type of event tends to happen in places where Trevor goes. He always wants to get the children involved, and on the days when he does not play and is not tired, this has happened before.” She shifted her own blanket over her legs, getting comfortable. 

Charlie watched his mum’s gaze shift back over the field, taking it in. The bleachers of the practice pitch were practically on the field, as it only had to have enough seating for the team, really. Nick was on one knee next to Olly, their heads close together. His heart warmed in his chest watching the two of them together. This man, who’d already played a game, been told who tried to upend his life, and who comforted Charlie, making plans with other team members to host an impromptu scrimmage to brighten someone else’s day. Nick was so good. Just… good. 

He looked up as Olly shouted his name, jogging over with Nick behind him.

“Come on, Charlie,” Olly wheedled. “You have to play. You’re so fast!”

Charlie laughed. “I don’t have boots or anything, Olly - I’d be sliding around all over the place.” The temperature was just around freezing, so the snow falling was large and clumpy and already accumulating on the field.

“Nick has them for you!” exclaimed Olly, grinning. “Look, he and Wilco brought a whole box of them.” Olly gestured down the bleacher bench to see what Wilco must have been gathering in the locker room. 

“No more excuses, Springtime,” added Nick, smiling at Charlie. “Lace up, bruv.”

Charlie rolled his eyes good naturedly and went to the box to rummage for some boots, grabbing a pair that fit and lacing them up. He made his way onto the field to join the loose scrimmage already in play, Nick beaming at him as he joined the semi-organized mess. 

It was less structured than the other family rugby game, but equally as gentle and playful. James did an exaggerated run behind Clara when she carried the ball, yelling about how fast she was and how he didn’t have a prayer of catching up. Decker performed an elaborate sliding fall when Olly made a rip against him, reacting as though Olly’s touch-tackle had the force of an oncoming train. Charlie jogged around the field periodically catching or tossing the ball off, but mostly trying to stay warm and laughing at the antics of the players and kids. 

A few minutes later, Wilco had the ball and was dodging around his and the other children in an elaborate tap-dance, making his way towards the cone-marked try line as they laughed and tried to catch him in endless circles around the pitch. Charlie saw him come close, and lunged to try to touch-tackle him, only to find himself wrapped in giant arms from behind and was pulled down to the field, landing on top of a warm Nick Nelson.

“Hey, no real tackles allowed, you know that,” smiled Charlie, closing his eyes against the ticking of the snow against his face in his prone position.

“I had to stop the most dangerous player on the field from attacking my captain,” Nick replied, shaking the snow out of his hair and making Charlie laugh and turn his face away. 

Charlie got to his knees, Nick reluctantly releasing him, and stayed there for a moment to take in the scene in front of him. Wilco was doing a high-step celebration around several kids until Seamus snuck behind him to steal the ball out from his arms, starting a kid-and-rugger chase across the pitch, Olly leading the pack and Wilco encouraging the kids to go get Seamus. Danny was on his back, making a snow angel with Clara, who by this point was fully checked out of the game. The family members were all huddled together on the bleachers, grinning and pointing at all of the shenanigans going on. There was just so much - love here. So much. For Ben to think that he could upend this…Nick was right. There was no chance of that. Ben was a blip against the enormity of affection in this community. Nick got to his knees next to Charlie, casting his eyes across the field too and smiling. 

“Are you okay?” asked Nick. 

Charlie looked over at him. “Yeah,” he said, considering. “I am. Are you?”

Nick gave his lop-sided grin. “With you? Always.”

They both got up, smiling at each other before rejoining the match. Wilco called it about 10 minutes later after a significant look from Annette, declaring that the kids were the winners of the match, provoking a round of cheers from the kids and cries of bias from Danny and Decker. 

Nick and Charlie met Charlie’s family at a restaurant that evening, after everyone had gotten a chance to shower and change into dry clothes. They joined his family and Michael at the table, Nick doing an amazing job as always at putting everyone at ease with his conversational prowess, a skill honed from many years of professional and media obligations. Charlie noticed his mum looking at Nick with warmer eyes than he usually saw on her, and realized that she probably had the same heart-filling moment as he did during the pick-up match, seeing how Nick treated the members of her family. The only slight hiccup came when Tori offhandedly mentioned Nick and Charlie living together, which prompted Jane asking if they lived “in the same room”, with a fairly high pitch to her voice. Charlie had shot Tori a murderous look while Nick laughed lightly and confirmed that they did, and then smoothed it over by complimenting what a considerate roommate Charlie was, and how that must be a testament to how he was raised. All told, dinner went well, with Julio, Olly, Michael, and Nick dominating most of the conversation around sports. Jane even gave Nick a hug when they all left dinner, then holding his shoulder to talk to him for a moment with Julio joining.

“Seems like she likes him,” said Tori, appearing from nowhere.

“Jesus, Tori,” gasped Charlie. “How do you do that?”

“Older sister magic,” she said, with a tiny lift of one of her eyebrows. 

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus and telling her that we’re living together now,” he muttered, though there was no heat behind it. 

“You needed to tell them anyway,” replied Tori. “And we both know you would have just waited months for it and tortured yourself. Consider the bandage ripped off.”

“You’re so considerate, thanks,” said Charlie with some sarcasm. Though a part of him knew it was true, too - he would have one hundred percent done exactly what Tori had said. He snorted. “Her face though, asking if we slept in the same room.”

Tori laughed. “You should have seen her when she saw Michael and my place for the first time. Her eyes kept landing back on the one bed. I bet she thinks that you and Nick at least sleep in separate twin beds on opposite sides of the room like a 1950s couple.”

Charlie laughed, too. “Maybe we’ll invest in air mattresses for when they visit our place to keep the charade going.” His brain was so broken from Nick, automatically turning the word into “Char-ade”. He’d never give Nick the satisfaction of telling him that, though. 

Jane and Julio had released Nick, and Charlie joined him. They hugged goodbye to everyone, Olly giving Nick two hugs. They got in the car, and Nick turned to Charlie. “Seemed like that went fairly well, yeah?”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. “I never had any doubt, of course - look at you. You’re so lovable.”

“Aww,” said Nick, making cartoon puppy eyes at him. “You’re so sweet, love. You’re my knight in shining Charmor.”

Charlie sighed a bone-deep, weary sigh of the damned and Nick laughed. “What were you talking to my parents about?”

“Oh, nothing,” said Nick. 

“What were you talking about?” said Charlie. 

“Really, nothing big,” said Nick. “Your mum just said - she said she appreciated how I like to spend time with your whole family. She said it was nice to see you with…with someone who loves you.”

“She said that?” asked Charlie. His mum struggled with anything emotional, and even years of therapy hadn’t made it easy for her to express sentimentality. 

“Yeah,” said Nick. “It was - it was nice to hear.” He paused. “We need to have your parents meet my mum at some point, you know?”

Charlie’s heart swelled at the thought. “Yes, we do,” he agreed. “I mean, depending on how we do with the knockout rounds for the Premiership and Gallagher cups, we-” He was cut off by Nick’s hand on his mouth. He licked Nick’s palm and Nick drew off, laughing and shaking his hand. “Fine. Yes, Nicky, we’ll figure out a time for them to meet.”

Nick wrinkled his nose against the name. “Yes. And yeah, we will see what happens with matches. We just won’t talk about it, will we?”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Sure, no talking,” he agreed. 

Nick raised an eyebrow. “Mm. Can you think of anything we can do at home that doesn’t involve talking?”

Charlie snorted. “Yeah, because you’re so silent when we do that,” he snarked, smirking at Nick.

“Okay, whatever, Mr. ‘oh, Nick, yes, do that again you perfect glowing man-god, yes!’,” returned Nick. 

“I have never said that,” protested Charlie as they pulled into the garage. 

“Hm,” said Nick. “...Yet.” He gave Charlie a playful, wolfish look and squeezed high up on Charlie’s thigh, making him jump and laugh. “Sounds like a challenge, though.”

He chased Charlie up the stairs, catching him at the top of the first flight and pulling him over to the couch. He sat Charlie down and stood back a little, catching his breath. He looked down at Charlie, his eyes already darker and turned on. Just the look he was giving Charlie was turning him on, feeling his arousal growing. Nick knelt in front of him, pressing his knees apart and running his hands up the thighs of Charlie’s joggers, making him moan a little. Neither of them had been mindful about what they ate at dinner or thought about where the night might lead at all, and this seemed like a perfect activity to Charlie. Obviously. Nick grinned at the sounds that Charlie was making already, and kissed him quickly before getting up and returning quickly. 

He put down a towel and lifted Charlie fully up to slide him on top of it, Charlie laughing at the loss of gravity. He pushed Charlie back against the couch and then worked off his clothes, starting with his shoes, socks, and joggers. Once those were off, there was no hiding how hard Charlie was, tenting against his briefs. Nick mouthed him for a moment through his pants, making Charlie squirm a little and press his hips up a little. It was almost worse for Nick to be so close to giving him the sensations he wanted than not touching him at all. He whined a little and Nick looked at him, that same teasing look in his eyes. 

“I mean, you made me work for it the other night,” said Nick, smirking a little. Charlie laughed a little, letting his head fall against the couch. “But I’ll be nice to you, Char. Make you feel so good.” Charlie knew this was partially because Nick was always too impatient to please Charlie that he lacked the physical ability to tease Charlie for too long, but he’d take it. Charlie watched as Nick pressed a line of hot kisses up his inner thigh, working up from his knee to place the last one on his hip bone, pulling Charlie’s briefs down to get access to the skin there. Charlie’s hips rolled up again and Nick pulled his briefs down, Charlie’s dick hard and full in front of him. Charlie’d never get over the way Nick’s face looked when he was looking at Charlie like this - full of genuine desire and want, with no facade about it.

Nick pulled off his own shirt and joggers, stripping down to his pants in a slow undress that made Charlie hum appreciatively, his breath quickening a little. Nick was already hard, too, and he palmed himself a few times slowly while looking at Charlie, making Charlie groan out a little sound that Nick echoed. He dropped to his knees and gripped Charlie’s hips, sliding his mouth over Charlie’s tip, the warm wetness making Charlie close his eyes. He went a little deeper, still just using his mouth, his hands tickling Charlie’s hip creases. Charlie arched his back into the sensations, his abdominal muscles already primed and contracting. 

Nick worked him for a minute, then pulled off, making Charlie sigh. He uncapped the lube and warmed it between his fingers and hands, paying particular attention to his left palm and the fingers of his right hand. “I want to touch you while I suck you off,” said Nick in a low voice, making Charlie’s belly swoop. “Okay?” Charlie moaned and nodded. Nick lifted up on his knees and turned his body slightly. He wrapped his left hand around Charlie’s shaft and started with slow, squeezing strokes. He reached under Charlie to run his index finger against Charlie’s entrance, not going in, but just massaging and teasing. He lowered his mouth to the head of Charlie’s dick, continuing to use one hand to stroke Charlie’s shaft, the other just adding slick, gentle pressure against Charlie’s ass. 

It was a small sensation, but the combination was heavenly, and Charlie was cursing and moving, not even knowing which hand he wanted to press more into. “Fuck, Nick, yes, it’s so…yes, keep doing that. Fuck, your hand - your mouth - fuck, yes, yes Nick.” Charlie was babbling, wanting to watch Nick’s hand and head but continually betrayed by his eyes, fluttering shut as his body relaxed into the pleasure. “Yes baby, yes - just like - YES…oh god, Nick, I’m going to…I’m gonna come,” he gasped, Nick staying on as Charlie finished. He did with a hiss, his hips jerking and his lower abdomen pulsing as he finished, repeating Nick’s name like a mantra. Nick stayed on him a little longer in the way that Charlie loved, working him a little past the point of comfort when he got sensitive, Charlie loving the almost-too-intense sensation. He tapped Nick’s shoulder to signal to come off, and Nick did, laying his head on Charlie’s thigh as Charlie’s breath settled. 

He reached down to run his fingers through Nick’s hair and Nick mumbled in response, making a happy sound. “That feels so good, Char.”

“I want you to feel good,” murmured Charlie. “What do you want, baby? What can I do for you?”

Nick looked up, considering. “Do you remember the first night - after trivia? Where we just, like, rubbed against each other? I want to - can I, like, get on top of you?”

Charlie blinked, then smiled and nodded. “Ooh, I love some good frottage, too,” he said. 

“Will you be too sensitive for that?”

“Only one way to find out,” Charlie grinned. “Get up here, big boy.”

Nick smiled and got up, placing his knees on either side of Charlie. He lubed up his own length, then added some to Charlie’s stomach. Charlie swore a little when Nick grazed his dick, but told him to keep going. It was intense, but a manageable intensity after a couple of minutes without touching. Nick pressed against Charlie and moved his hips up and down, closing his eyes. Charlie ran his nails up and down Nick’s back as Nick pistoned his hips, drawing sounds out of Nick. Nick pressed harder against Charlie, shoving his hips forward on the upstroke and then dragging back down. Charlie knew Nick was always incredibly turned on after blowing him, and it only took a minute or two for Nick’s breath to catch and for him to warn Charlie that he was coming, Charlie pressing his hands into Nick’s lower back as he did to give Nick even more friction. Nick drew himself up and down a few more times as he worked through his orgasm, then held himself up on his knees to press more kisses into Charlie’s neck. 

They eventually moved themselves upstairs to shower, a mutual affair as usual. For the planet. They got into bed and talked a little more about the Ben thing. Both were agreed, at least for now - they had no desire to go through a public trial that might not even result in anything happening. They wanted to live their life, their life of powerful love and community, and not let a bitter, hateful person on the shore have any more impact on them. They drifted off to sleep, secured and bolstered by one another. It had been a whirlwind of a weekend, but no matter what winds swirled around them, it was always them. 

-

The next week was a travel week to play the Bears, away in Bristol. Away weeks always felt a little rushed, and this was no different. Charlie and Nick were able to see Charlie’s family off on Sunday and then had the day to themselves, which they spent wisely, splitting their time between brunch with Elle, Tao, Amy, and Isaac and spectacular sex in the mirror room. The rest of the week flew past as well. It was the last week of February, and they only had a few more weeks until the bye, then not long at all before the knockout rounds of both the Premiership Rugby and Gallagher Cups. 

The match against the Bears was on an unseasonably warm day, Charlie happy to have the sun. The Bears opened the scoring, finally pushing through after a few furious phases close to the try line. Them going up seemed inevitable, and their large prop was able to muscle through, followed by a successful conversion. A few minutes later, Fitzy was able to wiggle through a gap to put the Badgers on the scoreboard, though the conversion tugged just right and they had to settle for a 7-5 score in favor of Bristol. The first half was a bit of a stalemate in terms of scoring, but it was a more physical game than they’d played in a while. And it wasn’t just the Bears; the Badgers were giving as good as they got, throwing shoulders and hard tackles as both teams got increasingly frustrated, both with the lack of scoring and the perceived slights from the other team. Both teams received a matching set of yellow cards after one scrap, Lunker and the Bear’s number eight getting in a bit of a scrap after the Bear’s player’s high hit on James. Seamus had held Danny back by the jersey, but Lunker had charged in with an uncharacteristic show of temper.  The cards ultimately worked out in the Badgers’ favor, with Decker able to score a drop-goal and put them up 7-8. Still, moods were not the brightest in the locker room for the half, Croft telling them to play their game and focus on the ball, not the body. 

They went back out for the second half, and the Badgers received the ball. They worked their way up the field, eventually converging about 20 meters from the try line. Charlie watched intently as the ball worked back and forth, both Badgers and Bears bodies in close proximity. The tackles were coming in fast and furious, and Charlie had a sense that he and Amy would have a few boys that they’d need to work with after the match - or maybe even during. Danny threw a pass back to James, who came up the right side of the field, handing the ball off to Wilco. Wilco deked left, and gave the ball to Seamus with a quick shovel-pass. The Bears’ defense came on strong, and in the resulting ruck, the ball worked its way back to Decker, back to Wilco, handed off to Nick. 

Charlie saw it like a silent film. The Bears’ hooker came in, fast and low, in a chop tackle that was technically legal but a tactic that many players and coaches had spoken against. The hooker got Nick around the legs, and Nick fell forward and to the side, back arched as he tried to protect the ball. He landed hard, the left side of his body taking the impact. Charlie wasn’t sure if it was reality or a horrific leap of his imagination that he heard the sound of him hitting the ground. Charlie felt Amy’s fingers digging into his arm as she lifted herself up on her toes, trying to see what was happening and gauge how Nick was doing. Charlie felt like his blood was stopped in his veins as the medics rushed past to get to Nick. Nick was down. Charlie tried desperately to see past the bodies on the field, several Badgers players shoving Bears away, Wilco yelling furiously at the referee. All that mattered was that Nick was down, and he hadn’t gotten up yet. 

Chapter Text

Charlie Spring loved Nicholas Luke Nelson with every ounce of his heart and soul. So when he inevitably murdered him sometime in the next few weeks, he would make sure it was incredibly kind and gentle. Nick had just asked again if Charlie thought his ribs were healing well, and Charlie had patiently told him again that yes, Nick was doing everything right and was healing perfectly. Beyond perfectly. And really, he got it and wasn’t that irritated by Nick’s constant questioning. He knew it came from a place of both anxiety and a genuine desire to get back to the game Nick loved. But it did sometimes feel like an endless game of answering the same question with a six foot, two-inch toddler. 

It had been three weeks since Nick’s injury, and Nick was finally back to light training with the team, though he wouldn’t be cleared to play in a fixture for at least another two. Still, his healing was going well, thanks to the incredible attentions of Dr. Darby and Amy, who worked with Nick daily at the stadium, in addition to Charlie’s supplemental care. None of them wanted him to go back before he was ready, but all were also eager to get him back on the pitch once he was fully fit. Charlie especially. 

Now, nearly three weeks in, Charlie and Nick had settled into new, temporary routines, adjusting to the upheaval in their lives. They’d go to the stadium so Charlie would work with his players and Nick could watch training, and offer feedback and coaching to Crotty, who was filling in. This had also kept Nick from going utterly mad, which in turn kept Charlie from going utterly mad. Still, even with the anxiety of recovery, Charlie would absolutely take this, especially with a light at the end of the tunnel so soon. They’d had a real time of it the past few weeks, but had emerged even stronger than Charlie could have imagined. And it could have been so much worse, and there were often nights when Charlie tried to go to sleep that his mind shot right back to the moment that Nick went down, and hadn’t gotten back up.

-

That moment had been truly gut-wrenching. Charlie had both heard and seen the impact, even if the sound was only in his mind, the sharp grunt and exhale of breath when Nick hit the ground. From the way that he fell, he knew it was Nick’s ribs, and that scared him more than perhaps anything else would have. Rib breaks could be nearly innocuous, or they could do the height of damage, tearing into internal organs. The medics pushed by Charlie and Amy to get on the pitch, Charlie stumbling a little with his legs like jelly. He and Amy watched, mindlessly clutching each others’ forearms, Charlie’s heart hammering in his throat. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack, something he hadn’t felt in months. Amy’s fingers digging into his arm actually provided a lifeline, a reminder of his physical body, helping root him down to the ground and maintain his tenuous grasp on his own emotions. The medics knelt next to Nick, Badgers and Bears players alike making room and standing clear of where Nick was down now that the shoving was over, the Badgers’ players anger shifting to worry. Wilco was still gesticulating angrily to the referee, but Charlie only peripherally noticed. His eyes were locked on what he could see of Nick, which was only his back, desperate for a glance of his face. After a few painful minutes where Dr. Darby came onto the field as well, the medics loaded Nick onto the stretcher and headed off to the tunnel. Charlie knew that they’d take him by ambulance; all teams had one standing by during all matches as a precaution. 

There were still 20 minutes left in the match, and Charlie didn’t know how he was going to make it through the rest of the fixture. He had to stay; this was his job. But then again, he had no idea how he was going to do it. Coach Croft sent Crotty onto the field, then looked at Charlie. He gave a tiny jerk of his head to indicate that Charlie should go, and he all but bolted from the field, desperately glad to have the permission to leave though his stomach was twisted with worry and guilt over leaving the match. He rushed into the tunnel, and ran almost directly into Imogen.

“Charlie,” she gasped, a little out of breath. “I was in the media room watching and doing some prep for after the match and the match was playing and - I saw, and…come on, let’s go.” She had car keys clutched in her hand (he had no idea whose they were, and he didn’t care), and Charlie numbly followed her to the staff car park for the Bears. Since the match was still on, there was negligible traffic getting out, and Charlie made a few hurried phone calls to try to track down where Nick was. He eventually found out that Nick had been taken to Bristol Royal Infirmary, and Imogen tried to get them there as fast as was safely possible. They got stuck at a railway crossing in an ultimate test of Charlie’s mental state, and Imogen did her best to keep him calm. When they finally arrived, they were probably a good thirty minutes or so behind Nick’s arrival, if not a little longer.

Imogen dropped him off at the front, and through breathless explanations and showing his credentials to multiple people, Charlie was able to locate Nick’s room quickly. He nearly skidded down the hallway in his hurry, turning a corner to see Dr. Darby talking to one of the staff members.

Dr. Darby held up his hands in a calming gesture, seeing the panic on Charlie’s face. “He’s okay,” said Dr. Darby. “We’ll confirm it with a few more tests, but there are no signs of internal organ damage, and from everything, it seems like he may have fractured a few ribs, but nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that’s going to be too hard to heal. He’s completely stable and going to be fine.”

Charlie closed his eyes and let out a huge breath, slumping on his shoulder against the wall. “You’re sure?” he asked Dr. Darby, needing to hear it again. 

Dr. Darby had dealt with years of rugby players anxious to get back on the field, and was patient. “Yes, he’ll be okay, Charlie. They did a FAST ultrasound right away, and that came up clear, and the chest X-ray showed some fracturing. He’s in for a CT scan at the moment to double check, and then we’ll look at those results, but he is all right.” He looked at Charlie carefully over his glasses. “Understand, Charlie? He’s all right. He’ll need to heal, but he’ll be okay.” 

Charlie nodded and took another breath. He trusted Dr. Darby implicitly, and the way he spoke just commanded gentle authority. “Thank you.”

Dr. Darby gave him a small smile. “I’m assuming you’ll stay here until he’s back from his scans, yes?” 

“Yeah,” said Charlie, feeling a little shaky again with the adrenaline leaving his body. “I’m not leaving.”

Dr. Darby’s voice was kind. “I didn’t expect you were.”

Charlie went back to the waiting area and found Imogen there, looking wide-eyed and terrified. He quickly filled her in, and she sagged in relief. 

“Oh, thank god,” she whispered, her hands pulling at her cheeks. “What’s a rib break, usually? Six weeks?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie automatically. “If there are no complications, which it doesn’t seem like there are.”

Imogen nodded. “I’m sure Dr. Darby already called Coach Croft. Do you want me to send a text to the team letting them know as well on the chat?”

Charlie thought for a moment. “Let me talk to Nick first, yeah?” 

Imogen nodded. They sat there together, Imogen a quiet support, occasionally rubbing his back. A half an hour later, one of the medical staff arrived, a short woman who introduced herself as Dr. Coleman. 

“Are you Mr. Spring?” she asked. She extended her hand when Charlie nodded. “Would you like to go and see Mr. Nelson? He’s back in his room and has been asking about you.” She smiled. “A lot.”

Charlie nodded again and followed her. On the way back, Dr. Coleman repeated similar news to what Dr. Darby had shared, and it was a best-case scenario for what it could have been. Nick had fractured the 7th and 8th ribs on the left side of his body, but neither had splintered or caused any internal damage. She reiterated what Charlie knew - that fractures could take anywhere from three to twelve weeks to heal, though she confirmed that most would heal fully within six weeks. Charlie did some quick mental math to calculate that if all went well, Nick would be back for the Easter weekend match, solidly in time for the Champion’s Cup knockout round. 

She left Charlie at the door and gestured towards the room with a smile. “I’ll communicate heavily with Dr. Darby, but with Mr. Nelson’s permission, I’ll send you all of the same information. I’m sure you’re about to get peppered with questions for the next few weeks if my experience with him is anything like yours. And I know that as a physio, you’ll probably be working with him quite a bit.” She gave a friendly smile and Charlie incrementally relaxed. A nosy Nick asking endless questions meant a conscious and aware Nick. 

“Thank you,” he said. “I really appreciate it.”

“Absolutely,” she said. “Now please, go see him so he stops asking me about seeing you.”

Charlie managed a short laugh this time and headed into the private room. Nick smiled when he saw Charlie, though it turned into a little bit of wince when he tried to sit up.

“Absolutely not,” said Charlie, pointing a threatening finger. “Down, boy.”

Nick nodded, squinting his eyes against a clear wave of pain. “Yeah, that’s a good call.”

Charlie rushed over, taking Nick’s head in his hands as softly as he could. Nick closed his eyes against Charlie’s touch. “Baby,” said Charlie, his voice breaking a little. “Are you okay?”

“I am now,” murmured Nick. “It sounds like it’s going to be okay, yeah? Just a clean fracture.” He opened his eyes again and looked at Charlie, like he needed Charlie to confirm what he’d been told.

“Yes,” said Charlie. “Both Dr. Darby and Dr. Coleman said the same thing - no internal damage, clean break, all that. What did they say after the CT scan?”

“Waiting on it to be read,” said Nick. “Are you okay?”

“Nick, you are literally the one in a hospital bed right now.”

“Yeah, but that had to be awful for you, too, Charlie,” said Nick softly. “I was thinking about you the whole time; the whole ambulance ride I was just wishing I had my phone so I could call you.”

Charlie let out a shaky sigh. “You were thinking about me? You absolute oaf. You’re the one who got hurt.”

“Well, I have a sexy physio at home to take care of me,” said Nick, giving a flash of a smile at Charlie. The smile slid off after a second, though. “Do you think - how long do you think I’ll be out for?”

Charlie didn’t want to sugarcoat anything, but also didn’t want Nick to come undone. “It’ll be a good six weeks, I think.”

Nick sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Fuck,” he said, thoughtfully. “Shit had finally just settled down, you know? And now this…Fuck. But okay, six weeks. That puts me out for what, the next 4 matches and the bye? And maybe I can come back on the sixth week, for the Easter fixture?”

“Slow down, baby,” soothed Charlie. “You will be back. But we’re not going to rush it, right? We’ll make sure you heal fully, so you can come back in full force for the knock-,” Charlie caught himself and cut off the sentence, putting his own hand to his mouth and rolling his eyes. 

Nick gave a quiet laugh at Charlie’s self-censorship, then immediately seemed to regret it. He adjusted his position in the bed and winced again. 

Charlie’s brow creased in worry. “Did they give you anything for the pain?”

Nick nodded, trying to keep his torso still, his eyes drooping a little. “Yeah, some low-wattage painkillers and some muscle relaxers. I’m actually getting a little tired from them.”

Charlie ran his thumb over Nick’s eyebrow and Nick closed his eyes again. “You should get some sleep. I’m sure Coach will update everyone, but anything you want me to pass along to the team?”

“Whatever you think,” mumbled Nick. He forced his eyes open and looked at Charlie. “Kiss me before you go?”

Charlie’s heart swelled. There’d be so much more to face with this injury and the recovery, but Nick was okay. He’d be okay. He kissed Nick gently once on the lips and then again on the forehead, hovering in the room until he was sure Nick was good and well asleep. He stopped by the charge station on the way back, learning that Nick had listed him and his mum and his emergency contacts, which was both undeniably sweet and wonderfully practical. He spoke briefly again to Dr. Darby and Dr. Coleman, who had reviewed the CT scan confirming all of the findings. Charlie was feeling so much more in control now. He knew how to handle this; he knew how to handle broken ribs. He’d helped many, many players with this, rib fractures being an unfortunately common injury in rugby. He’d have had no idea how to handle a Nick who was devastatingly hurt so that he was out for the season, or god forbid, out of rugby entirely. Or a Nick who - well, he didn’t even want to go there. But Nick was all right, he would recover, and Charlie would help him along the way with everything that he had. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised when he got back to the waiting room, but he somehow still was. It was filled with players and the coaches, several lads still in their jerseys and shorts. A mass of them must have come over right after the match, battling the traffic to try to make it as quickly as they could. Seamus was sitting next to Amy, looking at her hesitantly as she sat with her head in her hands, like he wasn’t sure if he should comfort her or not. Danny and James were next to each other as well, Danny slumped against James, his head on James’s shoulder. Stig was clutching a single silver “Get Well Soon” balloon, and Charlie felt a ridiculous urge to laugh and cry, looking at it gently bouncing against the ceiling. 

All heads turned as Charlie walked in, and he held up his hands to reassure the group that Nick was okay, filling them in to a general chorus of relief. He saw Amy fling her head up and back in relief against the back of her chair, Seamus’s hand hovering over hers before he drew it back, without her seeing. 

Charlie knew that the team would have known soon from talking to Coach Croft, or waiting for a message from Charlie or Nick. So they came over just to be there - to be supports for Nick. And Charlie. And each other, too. Charlie made his way from person to person, repeating the same things over, and half-seeing the rest of them talking to each other, offering comfort and exchanging relief that the injury hadn’t been worse. He chatted with Wilco and Seamus for a few minutes longer after everyone left, reassuring them that he’d work with Nick and that Nick would do everything he needed to do to come back fit and not before he was ready. 

Amy was the last one there, wrapping Charlie in a giant hug. When she spoke, it was against Charlie’s shirt, muffled as she pressed her face into his chest. “You good, babes?”

Charlie sighed and considered. “Yeah. I am. I really am. This was…brutal. But it’s honestly the best-case scenario for what it is.”

“Yeah,” said Amy, drawing back. “It is. Still - fucking woof. This season had gone fairly smoothly up until now, too.”

“I know,” agreed Charlie. “But he’ll be back soon.”

“Lucky for Nick he’s got a hot physio roommate,” said Amy. “Though a hot physio roommate who might end up killing his patient. I can’t imagine that Nick will be the most patient…patient.”

Charlie snorted. “Yeah, but I think I can handle it.”

“I know you can, Charlie,” she said quietly. “But it’ll be a little different, yeah? You’ll be closer to it. Just let me know if you need anything. I’ll take care of him on the stadium side, and you take care of him on the home side. We’ll all handle it together.”

-

And now here Charlie was, almost three weeks later. Handling it, and handling it together both with him and Nick and him and the team staff, but Amy had been right. Nick was not the most patient patient. And what had made it all worse was the very uncomfortable talk that Nick and Charlie had been given from Dr. Darby, recommending that they avoid “intimate contact” for at least a few weeks while Nick was healing the most acutely. This was a huge departure from the last few months for the both of them, and the adjustment hadn’t treated either of them well. Charlie had snuck in a few wanks in the shower that he tried to keep secret, only to come out to a glowering and turned-on boyfriend who was huffy that he wasn’t allowed to have sex. They’d managed some secondary-school style handjobs and a fumbling attempt at a sixty nine (way more logistically challenging than porn made it seem) to make it through, but with Nick cleared to practice again (and after another horrifying one-on one-conversation with Dr. Darby to inquire about sex), Charlie finally felt comfortable clearing Nick for take-off. Though…he was going to let that be a surprise. 

It hadn’t been easy getting to this point. This had been one of the first major hurdles Nick and Charlie had faced together in their relationship (the Ben drama notwithstanding), but they had worked through it and figured it out. It had ended up being a more significant event than either of them had anticipated. Charlie had always worked with injured players and had believed that he had a ton of empathy for what they were going through, unable to play the game they loved. But he’d never seen it up close and seen the impact of what it was like to not be able to be with the team and have their whole routine upended. 

The first week had been all right. Nick had been released from the hospital the same day, the CT scan confirming what they had thought from the X-ray, that there was no pneumothorax or hemothorax - meaning Nick’s lungs were okay and there was no blood trapped anywhere. They had released him with some light painkillers and orders to rest as much as possible for the first three days, so they spent the Sunday off together before Charlie had to go back to the stadium Monday for training. He’d called Sarah on the way home from the hospital to fill her in; she had been frantically texting Nick’s phone, which had stayed at the stadium when he was taken by ambulance. She came down on Sunday afternoon to stay, bringing Nellie with her. The smile that Nellie’s presence had brought to Nick’s face wanted to make Charlie adopt fifteen puppies and give them to Nick in a puppy gift basket. 

Sarah had taken Monday and Tuesday off, since those were the days when Charlie would have to be at the stadium and Nick would be home under strict orders to minimize movement. She’d been an amazing support both to Nick and Charlie, pulling Charlie aside Sunday and Monday to see how he was doing, on top of everything she was doing for Nick. She checked in with Charlie again Tuesday night before she left. Sarah had offered to leave Nellie with them for the week and they had gladly taken her up on it, with Charlie and Nick planning to drop her back off on Sunday.

Nick was set up on the couch in his final day of strict rest, which by now was driving him a little mad, as he was normally the type to never stop moving. Sarah pulled Charlie aside with the pretense of asking him a physio question about one of her patients, as they’d been chatting all week about their work and how much crossover there was between them.

Once they were out of earshot, Sarah leaned in close to Charlie, keeping her voice quiet. “Still doing okay, darling?”

Charlie smiled at her. “Yes - and it’s been such a help having you here. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done.”

Sarah waved him off. “I’ll be here any time you two need me. But I know this - it’s a lot, Charlie! And you two are so wonderful together, but I also know that it’s stressful when your partner is hurting. And I wanted to make sure you had support, too.”

It was no surprise to Charlie that Nick was Sarah’s child; she was so aware of the people around her. “Thank you, truly. Honestly, Nick’s the person I always want to be around, so even though it’s coming from a shit situation - oh, sorry - there’s no one I’d rather support through it.”

Sarah smiled and dismissed his apology for cursing. “Well, regardless. Please let me know if you need anything, or even just want to talk.” She inclined her head towards Nick, her eyes a little worried. “He’s a wonderful boy, but I know so much of him is wrapped in rugby as his identity. And I know it makes sense that it is - he’s a rugby player - but I know he might struggle with that not being something he can access right now.” She paused, a little grin so like Nick’s crossing her face to replace some of the concern. “And he can get a little fussy when he’s not playing. I remember last year when he injured his quad and I came down to take care of him for the first week. I think I spent thirty pounds on meditation apps trying to find a mantra that gave me patience.”

Charlie laughed a little, not knowing how much he’d agree with her in a few weeks. “I appreciate it, thank you. I’ll call you to check in and if we need anything, I promise.”

Sarah bussed his cheek and smiled. “I’m so glad you found each other, Charlie,” she said. She paused, gathering her words. “For so long, I feel like Nick was on autopilot. Rugby, occasional dating because that’s what he felt like he was supposed to do, traditional answers during interviews - he was going through life and had a great life, but I didn’t…I didn’t always feel as though he was living. Do you know what I mean?” Charlie nodded a little to get her to go on. “And then, this season with the Badgers. Something - it changed. When he was calling, he wasn’t just telling me about rugby any more, he was telling me about his day. And the people on the team. And the wonderful physios that the team had.” She grinned again at Charlie. “That part maybe I should have cottoned on to earlier.” Charlie laughed again. “But yes, and then since, I don’t know, November? He’s just been - so much more…rich feeling. Like his colors are brighter.” Her eyes matched her words, seeming to get even bluer with some tears welling up. “And you’re such a central part of that, Charlie. You’ve helped him find his colors.” Charlie swallowed. This whole fucking Nelson family; they were the emotional onion-cutting equivalent of human conversation sometimes. “And that’s so important, especially now. His colors have always been the colors of whatever team he’s on, and now he’s going to need to discover what others there are. And he has, through you and the Badgers. But I can guess he’ll need reminders as you two work through this part now.”

Sarah and Charlie had ended up dissolving into a hug after Sarah’s monologue, the two of them a bit of a mess by the end of it. They finally parted after there was a grumpy, needy call from the living room, Nick clearly feeling forgotten about. Charlie had ended up returning to Sarah’s words in his mind several times the following few days. 

Nick was able to attend training starting on Wednesday, and Charlie watched, feeling a little helpless as Nick sank a little lower each day until Friday, when it all came to a head. Charlie could see Nick perk up a bit when they were at the stadium and talking to the other players. Nick had a seat on the practice pitch to watch and occasionally Croft or Singh would send Crotty over to have check-ins with Nick, and get pointers. But in the car on the way home, Nick would just get - sad. Quiet. And Charlie could feel him pulling into himself, masking up in the same way that he did when Charlie first met him.

It was Friday night when they finally had their breakthrough. The team had a match against Exeter at home, and it would be the first one that Nick didn’t play in as a Badger. Charlie’s week had been jam packed, with several more minor injuries after and from the Bears match. He’d worked late Wednesday and Thursday, and they’d had little time to connect, even though Charlie had sensed that Nick was teetering on the edge of something. Now, Nick was restless, getting up from the couch to get something from the kitchen, setting it down, going back to the living room to stretch for a minute, then going back to the kitchen and opening and shutting cabinets with no real focus. Nellie followed him closely and whined quietly, knowing that something was going on. Charlie was just deciding how he wanted to talk about the rugby-shaped elephant in the room when Nick put his hands over his face and pulled his head back. 

“Fuuuuuuck!” he yelled, elongating the word and dragging his fingers down his face. Nellie and Charlie both startled at that, being so out of character for Nick.

Charlie jumped up from the floor where he’d been working on match notes, going to Nick, whose face was still caged by his fingers. “Nick?”

Nick closed his eyes and sighed, a sound that came up from what seemed to be his soul. “Fuck. Fuck, Charlie, I…” He took a breath, but fell silent again. 

Charlie rubbed his back, not pushing, not yet. When he spoke, he spoke quietly. “Come on, baby. Let’s sit down.”

Nick followed him numbly and sat down on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. Charlie slid in next to him and put his hand on his back, waiting for Nick to work his words out before Charlie tried to intervene. Nellie jumped on the couch to join them, curling in a little ball behind Nick, pressing herself as close as she could to his back like she could offer comfort through proximity.

Nick finally released his head, and his eyes were a little wild. “I…fuck. I’m sorry, Charlie. But I don’t…I’m - this is the first time I won’t be playing in a match, at least for this team. And normally, I have this whole routine on Fridays, right?” Charlie nodded; he knew it all intimately well. “And now here I am, on a Friday, with a match tomorrow, not doing any of it. I just feel, like, so unsettled. And not…like, who am I now?”

Charlie moved his hand up to the base of Nick’s neck, pressing soothing circles there. “Tell me more, Nick. About what you just said - you’re…you’re Nick. The wonderful, amazing man I love. You’re still the same.”

Nick blinked away a few tears. “Like…yeah. I know that…sort of. But I’ve also…I’ve always been a rugby player first, right? Like, this is Nick, he plays rugby. Badgers player Nick Nelson. Star fly-half Nick. That’s just, like - been me. It’s how I’ve been introduced and how I think of myself. This is the first time I’m…not. And like, yeah, I know it’s temporary. But if I feel like this right now, with even hopefully an end date and a timeline of when I’ll be back, it makes me think…it makes me, like…scared.” That last word was so small, and it made Charlie’s heart hurt a little. 

“It makes you scared?” Charlie asked, keeping his voice gentle and questioning.

“Yeah,” said Nick softly. “It…scares me. Because,” he took a huge breath here. “Someday, I won’t be able to play professionally any more. And,” he put a hand on Charlie’s thigh and squeezed it to stop Charlie from interrupting, “I know that’s not now. I have plenty of years left as long as I stay healthy and the team and league still want me. But…when it is over…it’s like - who am I? I’m not rugby Nick. Or I won’t be, at least. I don’t even know who that Nick is.”

Charlie took in a breath. Clearly, this was what had been dragging Nick down all week - that and being forced to see the thing he loved from the sidelines, even if it was temporary. Charlie was so grateful for Lucy’s help and Nick’s own awareness that even got him talking about this. Charlie knew that maybe he could have supported Nick through it earlier, but he’d been overwhelmed as well with everything happening. No matter, they were here now, and now Charlie could help this incredible man see just how much more he was, now that he understood where Nick was struggling. 

“Oh, baby, I get it,” said Charlie, reaching out to draw a gentle hand across Nick’s cheek, Nick closing his eyes for a minute. “I get it and I know that there is so, so much to you. First - thank you for sharing this with me. I know how hard stuff like this is to even make sense in your own mind even before saying it to someone else. But beyond that - Nick, you are so much. You are so, so much.” Nick had opened his eyes again and was now looking at Charlie, his eyebrows drawn together, looking so much like a worried kid that Charlie just wanted to hold him forever. “I told you that first night in Wilco’s house - you are enough. Everything you are - you are so much, Nick.”

Nick took a steadying breath. “And that meant so much to me, Charlie. It still does.” He sighed again. “But…what’s enough right now - will that still be enough later? What if I - what if in ten years I stopped playing and then just become this mopey lump like I am now? Why would you want to be with someone like that, who was always remembering what they used to be?”

Charlie’s heart hurt, physically hurt. He needed Nick to see this, to understand that he was in love with all of Nick, not just the Nick who played for the Badgers. He’d love Nick with his entire heart even if Nick never touched foot on a pitch again. “Nick,” he made his voice warm, but firm. “Do you remember the video? The one that the whole team made?” Nick nodded. “The whole point was that you - and everyone on the team - you are so much more than rugby. You’re so much, Nick. Actually - yeah. Tell me one thing that you are that has nothing to do with rugby.”

Nick smiled a little. “A boyfriend.”

Charlie snorted and laid his head on Nick’s shoulder for a minute. “Sap.”

“Your sap.”

“Okay, no, tell me about something else. Something you like to do that’s not rugby.”

Nick hummed for a minute. “Oh. Well…” he glanced down at Nellie, who’d nosed herself onto his leg, looking up at him with loving eyes. “I love dogs.”

“Yes,” said Charlie. “And that will never change, right? We could adopt a thousand dogs and move to the country.”

Nick smiled a little. “And you’d be in Char-ge of the whole pack,” he said, drawing out the first syllable.

Charlie shook his head solemnly, making Nick laugh a little. “Puns. Add in puns. They are an affront to the world and that is one part of you that should go away forever.” Nick smiled, wincing slightly as he tried a laugh, the movement still painful. Charlie made a sympathetic expression at Nick’s pain and pulsed his hand. He went on. “That aside…tell me something else about you, totally separate from sports.”

“I…I like to bake. And cook,” said Nick, thoughtfully. 

“And you’re so good at it,” agreed Charlie. “That’s something you’ll be able to explore for the rest of your life, too - and something that we can do together. There are so many adventures I can’t wait to have with you, both within and outside of rugby. And honestly, baby - so many of them are outside of rugby. There is so much to you and to us that I want to experience, and most of that is when we’re outside of the stadium. I love those moments with you, too, but our life goes beyond those walls.” Nick nodded, breathing in Charlie’s words. “Now, tell me more,” said Charlie. 

“More?” asked Nick.

“Yep,” said Charlie. “More things that you are. Or want to explore, too.”

They were able to pull a few other things out, too - things that Nick was, like a son, a cheerleader for others, a person who loved kids, someone who was afraid of rollercoasters and scary movies but loved learning about new things. Charlie was able to point out to Nick what a genuinely good coach he was; how he guided his teammates, especially the younger ones. Charlie suggested that even when Nick stopped playing rugby, there’d still be so many other things he could do with the sport, if he chose. He could coach, even youth or development teams. He could be a pundit. He could still have rugby be a huge part of his life, and find the other parts of himself that were equally important. They spoke for a few hours, both of their bodies finally relaxing and their minds easing as they stopped holding their anxieties to themselves and shared them with each other. 

They went to bed a little later than either of them would have wanted to, especially before the match for Charlie, but he had no regrets. This had been a significant night. Charlie hadn’t realized how much the injury had been impacting Nick’s view of who he was as a person, and the doubts and insecurities that it had brought up. By the time they were in bed, Nick propped up on pillows for his rib and Charlie’s head nestled on top of one of his thighs, Nick’s hand in Charlie’s hair, they were both feeling ten times lighter than they had all week. 

-

The lads were considerate in the locker room, welcoming Nick and making him feel like he was part of everything. He and Crotty sat together with Wilco, going over some attack phases. The team was eager to win always, but Charlie could feel it even more today - the desire to do Nick proud and come back swinging. Nick stood by the locker room door to fist-bump everyone as they filed out, all of the players saying something to him as they passed. He was in a suit since he wasn’t playing that day, and Charlie felt the familiar stir of attraction. He loved Nick in a suit. It didn’t make it better when Nick caught him before he left to follow the rest of the team, and gave him a soft kiss.

“Thank you,” he said, looking into Charlie’s eyes. “For…everything you’ve been this week. And everything you are. This has sucked and I know I was a right mess to start it off. You helped me get out of that, Char. I love you.”

Charlie took in a deep breath, drinking in the quiet moment. “You did this yourself in a lot of ways, baby. You opened up to tell me what was going on. You let down your walls. And when you did, we were able to support each other.” He tapped his forehead against Nick’s gently to underscore his next point. “As always. I love you so much, too.” 

They kissed again quickly and then Charlie headed to the pitch, Nick heading off to sit in the team box to watch. The match kicked off and the Badgers looked strong. Crotty was a little shaky in the first few phases, but the rest of the team was a well-oiled machine, James, Will, and Lucas operating smoothly together and scoring a try within the first nine minutes. 

The team always had the live video feed streaming on a few devices, as the players often used the iPads to play back some of the phases while the match was going on to analyze mistakes. Amy nudged Charlie a few times when they noticed Nick being shown on the feeds, cameras occasionally trained towards him to get his reactions. Charlie had already known that Nick had approximately zero chill in terms of hiding his emotions, and he already knew some of his alternatively happy and disapproving expressions were prime meme material that would be screen-shotted and sent around social media and in the team chat. He followed the match intensely, and once when he caught the camera on him, he pointed down to the field firmly, mouthing, “Show that.” Any and Charlie laughed at that and then re-focused their attention on the match, which ended up 35-23 in the Badgers favor. 

Everyone was in a good mood after the fixture, Nick included. Though of course, Charlie knew it was a little more subdued than if he had gotten to play, as he knew Nick missed it desperately already. They went for a team pub night that evening, the same warmth and camaraderie no matter who had gotten to play. It was another nice reminder to Charlie (and Nick, he was sure) that the friendships spilled beyond the rugby pitch; relationships that would last far longer than any of the players stayed with the Badgers.

-

That following Sunday on the team’s day off, Nick and Charlie sketched out a game plan for the week. Each day, they’d come up with an idea of how to connect with themselves and each other that had nothing to do with rugby. Nick had come up with a list and Charlie had as well, and they decided together the things that they’d do solo and the things that they’d do as a couple. 

On Monday, Nick went over to Decker’s house and Decker walked him through some of the basics of watercolors and painting. Nick had returned back to Charlie with paint flecks in his hair and a clumsily adorable painting of what Charlie thought might be a lion, but he didn’t ask. Nick had laughed when Charlie put it on the fridge like a proud parent, but Charlie caught him looking at it a few times in obvious joy when he thought Charlie wasn’t looking. Nick had gone and purchased some art supplies on Amazon after hanging out with Decker, too, and eagerly told Charlie that he’d show him some of the things that he’d learned.

Charlie had picked the activity on Tuesday, which was an online cooking class from a local cooking school. Nick and Charlie drove together after training to pick up the basket of ingredients and then returned to the house to do the lesson. The instructor was Korean, and she taught the group how to make bulgogi and bibimbap, both of which turned out remarkably good, even though Nick and Charlie didn’t fry the egg perfectly. They ate a delicious dinner, and decided that they’d do a Thai cooking class from the same school in a few months. They had leftovers for days as well, and in fact ate the cold rice and meat the next day for breakfast, laughing at themselves eating together over the kitchen sink like two little gutter rats. 

On Wednesday, Nick met up with Isaac to learn more about his LGBTQ+ group. Nick wasn’t yet sure how loudly he wanted to live his bisexual life, but he had mentioned wanting to know more about queer community, and Charlie thought that they’d be a good match, him and Isaac. While he was gone, Charlie connected with Elle and Tao, who came over and brought takeaway. They were doing well, too, living together an adjustment but one that they were navigating with minimal squabbles and a lot of mutual understanding. 

That Thursday, the team was leaving in the evening to make the trip to Northampton, and so training ended early. Nick and Imogen had spoken, and Imogen had set up a school visit for Nick to chat with a local youth rugby team at one of the secondary schools, talking to the year 7s and 8s. He came back home glowing, telling Charlie about how energizing the day had been. Charlie listened fondly as Nick recalled the drills he’d gone through with the kids, and was as touched as Nick to hear that one of the year 8s had quietly told Nick privately that he liked boys, too, and that it was cool that you could still play rugby if you liked boys instead of girls. That had sparked a long conversation about what Nick could do after rugby, him expressing that he wanted to make an impact on youth sports. It had also gotten Nick to reflect on if he might want to be more open about his sexuality, and talk more, perhaps in an interview. It wasn’t necessarily for him, Nick had mused, but for kids and players in the league (or adults, too) who had the same narrow mindsets about who was and wasn’t “allowed” to play. 

As a team leader, Nick was still coming to away matches, and he and Charlie flirted via text message on the bus that evening on the way to Northampton, even though both of them knew that they still had a bit to go before they were allowed to do exactly what they wanted to with each other. They ended up having an early team dinner on Friday night, and then watched a Char-vel movie, as Nick called it, Charlie no longer with the strength to fight against the relentless onslaught of horrific puns. He figured if they were together long enough, Nick would eventually run out of words and Charlie would finally be at peace. Or at least - he hoped.

Nick was in a much better mindset for this match than he had been the previous week, he and Charlie’s efforts at expanding their views of who Nick was working wonders. For this match, he was in a suit and on the sidelines again in the visiting team’s box, and Charlie imagined he could hear Nick’s yells and cheers over the din of the crowd as the Badgers battled the Saints to a 20-13 loss. It had been a tough match, but one that hadn’t been lost by any individual player. With a loss, the nights were typically quieter, and few members of the team ended up going out after the match. Instead, Danny, James, and Amy ended up joining Nick and Charlie in their hotel room that evening for a round of Monopoly, which Danny had gone out and bought at a nearby store specifically for that evening after the lost match.

They all gathered on the floor of Nick and Charlie’s hotel room, Charlie feeling like they’d all traveled back a dozen years in time, though now with legally acquired alcohol. Charlie and Danny split a bottle of wine while Amy, Nick, and James shared a six-pack, no one up for heavy drinking but all wanting to take the edge off after a long week and a tough loss. 

Danny was predictably insufferable at Monopoly, inventing his own rules with his trades to only trade properties if he was granted immunity when the owner had that full color set. As a result, Danny smugly went around the board, landing on hotels several times and crowing about how he didn’t need to pay. They’d played for an hour and a half with a movie playing in the background when some of them lost interest, though Nick and Danny were still arguing about one of the properties that Danny did owe money on. 

“Hand over!” said Nick, Danny groaning as he reluctantly gave Nick the money, holding on tightly so Nick had to yank it laughing out of his fist. 

James yawned. “It’s nearly midnight, can we please just call it a draw?

“No, because I’m clearly winning,” said Nick, “I just have unlucky rolls!”

“No, I’m winning because I have more money,” retorted Danny, flipping some of his money in the air to make it float around him, all of them laughing.

“No, the winner is the superior businessperson, and that’s me.”

“I’m the superior businessperson seeing as I have more money, which is the goal of Monopoly!”

“Oh, whoops.” Amy had been ignoring Nick and Danny’s faux argument, laying on her side scrolling through her phone before she “accidentally” kicked the board over, sending all of the pieces and houses scattering. 

Danny and Nick looked bemused for a moment while James and Charlie laughed in amusement and relief. 

“Draw?”

“Draw.”

They stayed only a few minutes more, Danny pulling James between his legs to cuddle with James’s back to his chest while they all chatted. James complimented Amy and Charlie’s physiotherapy attentions and how they’d worked to get Nick back to health. Danny agreed and chimed in that Nick had been amazing in his off-field support of the team, too, making both Charlie and Nick smile. The group dissolved after that, Charlie and Nick going to bed feeling better than expected even with the loss. 

-

The following week, the third following the injury, was even better. Nick and Charlie both continued to connect with each other and separately with their friends and supports, focusing both on rugby and all of the millions of other components in their lives. The next match was against the Saracens and then they had the bye week, and it was likely that Nick would be back for that first game in April, perhaps only missing a total of four fixtures. He’d committed fully to his recovery, and it of course helped to have a live-in medical professional keeping a watchful eye. It was Wednesday evening, the team due to leave the following morning for the bus trip down to London. Dr. Darby had cleared Nick to start training again, which had delighted Nick to no end. Charlie had hung behind to get the all-clear for other…physical training, and had been delighted to no end himself to find out that they were cleared for that, as well. 

And now after training, Nick and Charlie were in the third bedroom, which Nick had turned into a semi-gym when he had moved into the place. Nick had cleared a side of the room so Charlie could set up a desk and a PT table, which they’d been using for Nick’s recovery. Now, though, they were on the floor on one of the yoga mats, Charlie crouching by Nick’s ankles for moral support as Nick finished a long ab set. Core strengthening was a big part of coming back from a rib fracture, and Charlie couldn’t lie - he wasn’t mad about that part. Watching Nick grunt and work up and down, the muscles moving under his skin - it did something to Charlie. He let his eyes linger a little too long, Nick catching him.

Nick huffed out a breath on the next crunch up. “See something you like, Spring?”

Charlie smirked and rolled his eyes. “You already used that line on me ages ago.”

Nick smiled as he lifted again. “Well, it worked, didn’t it?”

Charlie just grinned in response, letting his gaze drift back to Nick’s stomach again. 

On his next rep, Nick paused at the bottom before crunching back up, closing his eyes in defeat for a moment. “Can I be done yet?” He gave a languid stretch, letting his shirt lift up and expose his stomach in what he knew was a deadly move against Charlie. 

“Nope,” said Charlie, fighting to keep his voice breezy. “You still have a few more before we can wrap.”

“Hrmph,” Nick muttered. He brightened. “I need some…incentive.” He raised up for his next rep, pursing his lips until Charlie laughed and moved toward to kiss him. “One.” He raised up again and again, counting out his reps as he went. “Two…three…four…okay, now I need to hold at the top, right?” On this one, he grabbed the back of Charlie’s head and pulled him in for a deep, long kiss. One of the ones that made Charlie’s entire low belly tingle and nerves fire. It had been a long time, especially for them. It had been too long. When Nick went back down on this rep, he pulled Charlie along with him, spreading his knees wide so Charlie could slot between them, Charlie landing on his hands to avoid Nick’s chest, their hips pressed together. 

“Mm,” murmured Charlie, already feeling himself getting hard, and feeling Nick against his stomach. 

“I know,” returned Nick, a tiny groan in his voice. “Fuck, I miss you so much.” Charlie knew what he meant. 

If Charlie wasn’t so fucking turned on, he would have made Nick want it a little more and worked the tease before revealing that they were now okay to get physical again, but he was nearly out of his mind. “Nick - N-Nick…” he started, his breath and words stuttering a little as Nick kissed the spot where his ear, jaw, and neck all met. 

“Hm?” purred Nick, now grinding his hips against Charlie’s with slow rolls. Good, thought Charlie absently. This is good core conditioning, too. 

“You know…you getting cleared for training means that you’re cleared for more than just that, too,” said Charlie, sighing as Nick hit him with a particularly hard, well-aimed press of his hips. 

“I’m cleared for…Oh! Fuck, really?” Nick’s eyes were huge, like he didn’t actually believe it.

Charlie drew back so he could smirk and nod. “Yep.”

“Holy shit Charlie! How long have you been holding out on me?!”

Charlie laughed. “Well, we’ve been home for 17 minutes, and the drive here took 15…so…32 minutes?”

Nick laughed too. “Truly? All clear for…?” He shimmied his shoulders playfully at Charlie, making him giggle.

Charlie nodded. “All clear. Talked to Dr. Darby right before we left, which was a nightmare, by the way. Amazing doctor and man, and still, no desire to discuss our sex lives with any more 68-year old men for a long while if we can help it.”

Nick nodded, his face aglow. “Deal, no older doctor sex talks for me any more. Can I - fuck, Charlie, can we…?”

“Yes,” said Charlie, feeling himself already twitching a little under his joggers. “But I do want to minimize strain as much as possible for you still, even though I know it’s okay.” He glanced towards the PT table, Nick’s eyes following his. “How’d you like to fuck me on the physio table?”

Nick looked like he’d been punched in the face with lust, a little stunned. “I…want that. Yes.”

Charlie pushed himself to his feet and offered a hand, Nick scrambling up. Nick grabbed Charlie’s shirt and twisted it in his hand, pushing him towards the table with the rough power that Charlie loved. He knew there was never any actual heat in it, but he still loved when Nick took control like that; threw Charlie around a little bit. He knew Nick wanted to lift him onto the table as it was his signature move, so Charlie avoided him even attempting it as he hopped on himself to avoid any strain. He knew he was probably being overly conservative. Nick was truly fine; it was just the impact of professional sport that still needed to wait a bit. But Charlie didn’t want to risk anything, and that’s why he’d dreamed up this table scenario in the past two weeks, focusing on it sometimes when he knew Nick was fully asleep and Charlie tried to get some relief. He’d even adjusted the height of the table to be a perfect match with Nick’s hips in preparation. Charlie was fucking ready for this, both mentally and physically. 

Charlie lay on his back, Nick approaching with a lusty, wanting look in his eyes. He jerked Charlie’s hips to the edge of the table, then took Charlie’s calves in his hands. He pulled off Charlie’s joggers, Charlie squirming to get his shirt off as well. Nick pressed a hand against Charlie’s pants and massaged against Charlie’s dick, making him sigh and press his hips forward, trying to get more. Nick squeezed him through the fabric before backing away a little, Charlie whimpering already at the loss of sensation. Nick quickly stripped off his own clothes, then swore and slapped his forehead and hurried off for a moment, returning with lube. He set it aside and pulled down Charlie’s pants slowly, drawing his fingers along Charlie’s inner thighs as he slid them off.

Charlie couldn’t help his hips from moving as Nick uncapped the bottle and worked it around on his fingers, so desperate to be touched and be filled. He’d snuck in those few sessions in the shower or when Nick had been asleep, but he craved, actively craved the feeling of Nick inside him. Nick’s eyes were dark, and he surged forward to kiss Charlie hard before lifting Charlie’s legs to press against him, hoisted in the air. He wrapped one hand around Charlie’s lifted leg, and then with the other, pressed his middle finger into Charlie, slowly, so, so slowly. Charlie writhed and groaned against the feeling, the taste of what he wanted already incredibly powerful. He told Nick to move and Nick did, taking his time, Charlie getting painfully turned on. Nick added another finger at Charlie’s moans urging him on, and tapped against Charlie’s prostate in a sensation that he had been without for far too long. Charlie squealed with pleasure, drawing a low, intense sound out of Nick. 

“Another,” Charlie said, almost begging. Nick rumbled a low sound and added a third finger, Charlie’s hands scrabbling for purchase on the padded PT table, trying to grip on so he could grind down against Nick’s hand. 

Nick saw that and chuckled, releasing Charlie’s leg to stroke up his cock. “Do you want me now, love?”

Charlie was struggling to speak, he was so eager for more of Nick. “Yes. Now. Please. Nick, now, yes.”

Nick drew his fingers slowly out of Charlie, another whine spilling out of Charlie’s throat unbidden. Nick lubed himself and added more to Charlie as well, then pushed Charlie’s knees back towards his chest. “Ready?”

“Fuck. Yes, now.”

Nick pushed forward with his hips, the head pressing in, Charlie making an “ungh” sound, feeling what he’d been wanting for the last few weeks. At Charlie’s cues, Nick pressed in slowly until he was glued against Charlie, breathing hard. Nick seized Charlie’s bent left leg, and used it as leverage to press in, starting slow. He’d pull back slowly, so torturously slowly, and then thrust, hard, punching a moaning squeal out of Charlie when he did. He did it again, and again, and again, each snap of his hips a welcome feeling to Charlie. He’d wanted this so badly; to be fucked by Nick again. And to fuck Nick, too, which he knew would happen soon. But right now, his mind was gone, no planning, no worries about Nick’s recovery. It was just here, with Nick locking onto his leg to hump against and into Charlie, lifting his hips a little on each upstroke to hit Charlie’s prostate.

Charlie’s cries got higher as Nick’s aim found the perfect spot, hitting it again and again. Charlie knew neither of them would last, and he was dangerously close to the edge. “Touch - touch me, Nick,” he groaned, and Nick released one of his arms from Charlie’s leg to rub Charlie’s cock, sliding from base to tip. Charlie could feel the orgasm coming, building through his body. He came with what was close to a yell, his whole self seizing and contracting. He could feel his hole quivering and throbbing against Nick, and Nick’s head was thrown back as he felt Charlie grip around his dick. Charlie felt like his orgasm lasted for literal minutes, even though he knew it probably hadn’t. His whole groin still pleasantly pulsing, he looked eyes with Nick. “Come for me, baby,” he said, tightening himself once more around Nick and making him moan.

Nick came a few seconds later, half-laughing, half-groaning as he pushed hard into Charlie, grinding against him as he finished. He gave a few last pulses of his hips as his crest abated, then leaned forward, resting his hands on either side of Charlie. They both breathed like that for a moment, deeply satisfied for the first time in three weeks. 

“Holy…fuck,” said Nick, leaning his head down to brush sweat away from his forehead. “Can this be one of the new ab exercises we do to recover? We should probably do it as preventative maintenance, too.”

Charlie laughed. “Yes. What do you reckon, 15 reps a day?”

Nick laughed, too. “You’re the professional.” He pulled out slowly, Charlie sighing. He always hated that part, hated the end of the connection, as sappy as though it might seem. Nick held out a hand. “Join me in the shower?” Charlie smiled and got up to join Nick. 

When they went to bed that night, with the promise of the London trip and Saracens match ahead of them, Charlie felt the grip of his anxiety loosen even more. They’d had a shit few weeks, but in that roughness, had found how truly anchored they were, both in themselves and each other. Before they fell asleep, Charlie murmured to Nick, whispering how much he loved him and how he was enough, Nick returning the sentiment. They were Nick and Charlie, powerful in each of themselves, and even more so together. Charlie drifted off, grateful for the entire man next to him - all parts. 

Chapter Text

The Saracens crowd was loud. It was always interesting to go to other stadiums and get a sense of the vibe, which differed quite a bit by city and team. The stadium had about 10,000 seats, so not the smallest or largest, but the Badgers walked out to a cacophony of noise. It was going to be a tight match, Charlie knew, and he wished Nick was playing. Crotty was getting better, but it was different not having the usual starters in their smooth flow with one another, Nick being such an integral part of the offense. 

Nick had looked offensively attractive in his suit in the locker room, giving all of the boys fist-bumps on the way out, then smiling at Charlie as he passed. 

“Almost your time, love,” said Charlie, stepping close and putting one hand on Nick’s face. They had the bye week after this match, and Charlie and Nick were going to spend a little extra time in the area, as were many others on the team. They were actually hiring a car the next day to go down to Kent and surprise Olly at his rugby fixture, a secret which Charlie and his parents were keeping. 

“Almost,” agreed Nick. Charlie could see the faint frustration on his face, but knew that Nick knew he still wasn’t ready. They’d have the bye week and then after a week of training, Nick would be back. All signs looked like he’d be ready to go for that Easter match, just in time for the Heineken Champions Cup to really kick off. 

Charlie stretched his neck up to kiss Nick once, then once again, a little longer. Nick smiled down at him. “You ready to be fully meme-ified again?” asked Charlie with a little smirk. Nick’s alternately stormy and delighted countenance had been flying around the team group chat all week as reactions to various things. 

Nick laughed. “I’ll keep it together. I am cool, collected, calm, totally inscrutable Nick Nelson.”

Charlie patted his cheek. “Sure you are, darling.”

Nick kissed him once more and gave Charlie a quick swat on the bum that made Charlie giggle and try to dodge. “Go get ‘em, Tiger.”

They separated and Charlie joined the team in the tunnel, waiting for the in-stadium announcer to call them in. They walked out to a truly tremendous wall of sound, the Saracens stadium a sea of black and red. The Badgers did their pre-match warmups and Charlie gave a dramatic spine-twist to try to catch sight of Nick. He was able to find him in one of the boxes and gave a little grin, which Nick returned with a very cute wave, his hand tucked next to his head and his fingers wiggling. Charlie re-checked himself to focus, and he and Amy completed their last minute checks, tapes, and stretches on their players. 

After the anthem and the handshakes, the match kicked off. The Saracens received the ball first. There were a series of hard phases which ended with the Badgers eventually picking up the ball after an ugly ruck. They drove towards the try line and made it over, only to have the try disallowed after a dummy throw at the line-out. They were able to shake it off and Danny drove through with a superb solo score a few minutes after. James was first to him, wrapping him in a giant hug and lifting Danny fully off his feet, Danny laughing and other players surrounding them to congratulate and hug as well. Charlie loved when Danny and James got to have those “guys being dudes, just total bros” moments on the field, where they knew what it meant to each other, but no one else would need to. 

The Saracens scored a beautiful try to even up the match about 8 minutes later. The wind was heavy, and both teams made and missed a series of kicks, though both teams ended up scoring a few additional points, the score 13-11 going into the half in favor of the Saracens. 

Nick came down for the half-time speech, listening attentively as Coach Croft and Wilco spoke, then circling up with Crotty and Seamus to talk through some plays for some upcoming phases and offensive sets. When the team broke, Nick gave Charlie, who was working with Lucas, a heavy wink and wished him luck. 

They went back onto the field and the second half began, the Badgers with the ball and working smoothly in a series of passes and drop-kicks to work the ball up and down the field, but the Saracens defense put on a show. With a lot of back and forth and several scrums and line-outs, both teams were locked in some weird dead heat, until finally a powerful carry from Fitzy went to Will, who picked and dove over the line to give the Badgers a 16-13 lead, eliciting wild cheering from the bench and the handful of Badgers fans were were vastly over numbered in the stadium.

The minutes were ticking down, and Charlie’s heart was beating a little faster than normal. To go out with a win before the break would be great for Nick’s headspace, winning this last match before he was allowed to rejoin the team. It would also be great for the table, and the Badgers needed the best seeding they could get both for the Champion’s and Heineken Cups. The Badgers were still up, but with eight minutes left, the Saracens nailed a penalty to even the score at 16-all. A draw would be okay - better than a loss, of course - but Charlie had forgotten how intensely invested he could sometimes get in matches, especially this year. 

The two teams battled hard, and with the clock in the red, Seamus dropped into the pocket and from almost the half-way line struck a sensational drop goal to win, the Badgers bench going mad. There was a bit of a pile-on at the end, with several players tackling Seamus in celebration, who popped up from the heap grinning and beaming. The teams shook hands to a disappointed home crowd, and the Badgers went towards the tunnel, exploding once more when they got out of sight. The lads were yelling and congratulating one another, everyone slapping Seamus’s back. Clearly, he’d be winning Badger Bill. Charlie caught sight of Amy, who was beaming, looking at Seamus. He rolled his eyes. He’d give it two weeks before there was some grade-A gay meddling with those two.

In the locker room, Nick joined the celebration, everyone still giddy. Many team members were staying for part of the week; in fact, Imogen had an additional bus hired to take a second group of players and staff home Thursday morning for those who wanted to stay. That was the one Nick and Charlie were going to be taking back to Leeds.

Charlie and Amy worked with their various players. Charlie made it back to the locker room about 30 minutes after the match on his way to grab Will, who needed some e-stim and ice. Nearly everyone was changed by that point, still in casual clothes as they wouldn’t be going out for a while. Nick was sitting with Danny, who was waving his hands as he described what he claimed was the “majesty” of his outfit that evening. 

Seamus, changed from his shower, walked over and sat with them, pulling on his shoes. “What are you lot doing tonight, then?”

Tex grinned from the other side of Danny and Nick, popping his head out in front. “Drag show, mate! My brother is a fire drag queen and we’re all going out.”

Seamus nodded, looking interested. “Who’s ‘us all’?” he asked in a carefully measured tone. Charlie caught Nick’s eye and winked, Nick looking at him with amusement. Nick and Seamus had had nearly the same conversation as Charlie and Amy had. Seamus was worried about pursuing Amy in case she wasn’t interested and if it affected their friendship as well.

Tex counted on his fingers. “Me, my girlfriend Regan, Danny, James, Nick, Charlie, Amy, Nick’s agent Tara and her girlfriend, Imogen, and her girlfriend, who came down for the trip.”

Seamus’s face had brightened even more at Amy’s name. “That sounds fun,” he said, his voice casual. Charlie was glad he was knelt down by Danny’s ankle for some post-match wrapping so he could hide his grin. “Is there room for one more?”

“Always!” said Danny, nearly getting Charlie in the face with his exuberance. “Shit, sorry, Springtime. You sure you want to go out with this deeply queer of a crew, though, Shea?” He gave Seamus a wink. “What if someone thinks you’re one of us?” 

Seamus snorted. “If someone thinks I’m cool enough to fit in with you lot? What a fucking compliment.”

“Fuck yeah,” said Tex. “Hunter got us a prime table and we had a few extra spots anyway. Glad you’re coming!” Tex told Seamus the details, and they all planned to meet that evening about thirty minutes before the show to get some drinks and settle in. 

Later that evening, Nick and Charlie got dressed and met Amy in the lobby to Uber over to the venue. Seamus came to join them, too, which they’d oddly forgotten to give Amy a heads’ up about. Charlie was content to start at this level 2 out of 10 meddling. But god help both of those straights when it got above a 5. Hopefully they’d get it together before that. The four of them looked nice, Nick in a button-down shirt that Charlie had helped to button up, very, very slowly, and with many chest-and-tongue related distractions that were completely out of Charlie’s control. He was very excited to work those buttons loose even more slowly, making the torso under them dance like it had earlier in their room. Charlie was in a tight t-shirt and jeans, with slightly heeled boots that made him feel like fucking fire. Seamus looked good in dark jeans and a jumper that made his eyes look even brighter than normal. Amy had repeated her same outfit from the gay club a month ago, claiming that recycling was good for the planet. They figured that they’d end up going out after the show as well, and everyone looked perfectly suited for wherever they’d end up. 

They met up with everyone at the drag venue, Amy and Darcy exchanging delighted shrieks as they saw one another, everyone else giving hugs and introductions. Tex’s girlfriend Regan was tall and stereotypically beautiful, though her naturally blonde Swedish hair was cut short in a pixie cut and dyed a beautiful shade of blue. She was tall and kind and funny, and Charlie immediately liked her. Imogen and Sahar seemed thrilled to meet Tara and Darcy, and Charlie couldn’t help but glow at this incredible collision of two worlds. Danny had promised a fire outfit, and he had delivered - depending on the interpretation of fire. He was wearing tight, bright green trousers which he’d paired with a long sleeve black button-down shirt with shining gold camels all over it. With his matching gold shoes he looked both utterly camp and supremely confident in himself. Charlie caught eyes with James as he and Danny walked up, and snickered at James’s eye roll. 

They all settled in for the show - Tex had indeed gotten them the prime table with his Hunter/Lareda connection. Charlie looked around at the venue - it was exclusively a drag performance space and it was well set up. There was a large, long bar on one side of the venue. There were two stages as well - one in the front and a smaller one in the back. Both stages were brightly colored and already well-lit, with gold trimming and a bright red velvet curtain on the front stage. The entire thing was opulent and gaudy and a little too much. It was perfect. Three giant chandeliers hung over the tables in the middle of the space. This was a dinner and drag show, so the Queens would both act as servers and then put on the show. There were stairs leading up to the second floor, where there was a balcony walkway to get to the toilets. All along the tall walls were giant canvases painted with rainbow colors, each with a crossed pair of bronze legs coming out of them, all with impressive high heels. 

Charlie glanced around the table. Imogen was taking it all in, beaming and taking some pictures with her phone, both of the venue and of her and Sahar. Seamus wasn’t looking around; he was in conversation with Amy and grinning at something she’d said, Amy gesturing and smiling, too. Danny and James were pointing things out to each other, laughing and sitting close to one another, James at one point laying his head on Danny’s shoulder at something he said. Tara and Darcy looked right at home, as did Tex and Regan. Regan and Darcy were in a conversation, as were Tara and Tex, Tex’s hand resting on Regan’s back. Charlie looked over at Nick, meeting his eye. “What do you think?”

“I love it,” said Nick, the red and yellow and green lights reflecting on his face with soft glowing colors. “You know, it’s my first drag show, too,” he said. “Not just Immy’s.” He put his arm around the back of Charlie’s chair, letting his rest against the top of the chair and Charlie’s back. Charlie loved these tiny moments, when they just got to fully be themselves. Which was typically “disgustingly affectionate”, if Amy was to be believed. Charlie chose not to. 

Charlie smiled. “I figured that, honestly.”

“Anything I should know?”

“Nothing that’s too out of the ordinary,” Charlie said. “Tex was telling me that this place does an ‘American style’ drag show that Lareda started. They’ll come round and we can exchange a 20-pound note or whatever for some ribbons which you can hold up for the Queens, kind of like how they hold up dollars in the States? Instead of buying them a drink. It’s the trade off for not having a cover charge.”

“That’s fun,” said Nick. “How do you…it feels dumb to ask, but how do you give it to them? Do you, like - hold it up? Is there a set time that they collect it?”

“Most people just hold it up during one of the numbers,” said Charlie, who had been to shows in this style before. “And then some Queens might, like, make it clear if they want you to like, put it in a bucket or whatever. Oh, and just like anything else, it’s all about consent - so no touching the Queens unless they make it abundantly clear that that’s okay.”

Nick laughed, a little incredulously. “Who would do that?!”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “You’d be surprised. But no, mostly just regular life rules - don’t be a dick, cheer when people are being awesome or trying their best, the normal stuff.”

“Got it,” said Nick. He scooted a little closer to Charlie and pulled him into his side, kissing into Charlie’s curls for a moment. Charlie closed his eyes and leaned into it, not feeling any anxieties around this group or in this place. “This is our first, like…date together,” he said.

Charlie opened his eyes and looked at him with a smile. “That’s not true, baby. We’ve gone out to meals and stuff. And then we went to the club a month or so ago with all of them. We’ve had a few dates, yeah?

“But this is like - a proper date? Like, a show,” clarified Nick. “It’s our first time going to a show.”

Charlie laughed. “It has to be a show to be a proper date?”

Nick huffed in faux-irritated amusement. “No, it doesn’t need to be a show… but still, like - I remember once before we got together my mum and I went to a play. And I remember looking around at everyone, and there were a bunch of couples.” Charlie put a hand on Nick’s leg and gave him a gentle squeeze, thinking back to the same time. He hadn’t really reflected on how Nick had probably felt just as sickened with desire and longing as he had, during those months they knew each other but had forced themselves to keep it hidden. “I just kept imagining what it would be like to go somewhere with you. Somewhere that wasn’t a restaurant or a bar or whatever.” He rolled his eyes and smiled as Charlie made an open palm gesture to the menu in front of them and the bar to their side. “You know what I mean. Something with other people around, where we can be out in public. I love it.”

Charlie felt his “melt lovingly into a pile of Charlie-flavored goop” side outweighing his “give Nick shit” side. It happened annoyingly often; one of the many things he loved about Nick was how he never took anything for granted, and how he was letting that out as he learned to process his internal feelings. “I do too, you giant sap.” He moved his hand from Nick’s leg to the base of his neck. “I thought about that at Elle’s first art show, actually. How I’d love to go to an art gallery with you.”

Nick smiled. “I’d go to any show with you, Char.”

“Oh yeah? What about a strip show?”

“S’ a trip I’d love to take,” said Nick with a wink.

Charlie stared at Nick, making his face as blank as possible as Nick grinned back at him, clearly pleased with himself. He should have seen that coming. “Car show?” Nick just gave him a look. Charlie rolled his eyes. “Ugh, don’t. I already know. Char show. Don’t. Just…don’t.” He thought for a second. “Would you go with me to a dolphin show?”

“I’d dive right in, love.”

“Woof, baby. Okay, what about a-“

“I think a dolphin show would be fun to tail other people about.”

“Nick.”

“Do you think the show would have a big fin-ish?”

“I want to go home.”

“I’ll stop. I’m not trying to upset you on porpoise.”

“This is my fault for mentioning dolphins.”

Nick kissed him sweetly on the temple again. “It is, my love. But there is also no escaping it.”

Other people were still filing in and the bartenders were taking drink orders and changing out notes for wide strips of green ribbon before the show started. Nick and Seamus waved everyone else off and exchanged a few hundred-pound notes for ribbons, spreading them out over the table for everyone to be able to access. They all got their drinks and sat and talked as the floor filled in; Tex had told them that the show had been selling out every night of the week. It was nearly eight now and the room was packed, groups of all genders and ages filling the seats, though it definitely seemed like a queer-leaning crowd. 

As it hit eight o’clock, the lights dropped. A song came on that Charlie didn’t know, a happy and upbeat one with a little bit of 70s vibe. He opened his phone to use his song-identification app and found it was called “Place to Be” by The Scarlet Opera.

This is the place to be tonight

No one else to please tonight 

Standing in your own spotlight 

Baby what a dream tonight

The song’s bridge moved into a piano-backed falsetto part of the song, and there was an outbreak of cheering when the patrons, who had been looking at the stage waiting for the show to start, noticed a tall figure moving down the back staircase. Lareda Longhorny was making her way down the stairs, lip-syncing perfectly, well over six feet in her heels. The room burst into cheers, Tex among the loudest, using his fingers to sound a shockingly loud whistle. As all attention was on Lareda, there was another buzz as the rest of the performers came out from the front and back stages, all singing and dancing along with the song, the crowd already going mad. Charlie glanced quickly at Nick, whose mouth was half-open in a grin as he watched, like the way a kid smiles when they’re completely transfixed by something. He loved seeing how fully transfixed Nick got when he loved something, and he was genuinely excited for Nick to see drag. Just people oozing with utter confidence as their drag characters, fully in their bodies and showing off to the world. 

Lareda made her way to the stage as the song ended and the Queens scattered around the room to their tables to greet the people sitting there and take their food orders. She was incredibly tall and wearing a spangled dress that had what Tex had yell-explained to the other over the din was decorated like a Texas flag, and impressively high white platform heels. She and another Queen took the stage and the lights came up. 

“Hello babes,” she bellowed, another round of cheers sounding. “I’m Lareda Longhorny.” More cheers; clearly Lareda was well-known and loved here.

The other Queen, shorter and in a fantastic glittering aqua dress, added “And I’m Violet Femme Longhorny.”

“Violet is my drag daughter,” said Lareda. “We’re the house of Longhorny. H-O-L, to make it easy. Just a house of hol.” The crowd laughed, Charlie watching Tex shaking his head, amused. He clearly knew Lareda’s routine, but also loved it. 

The two of them went into an opening monologue, welcoming everyone in and explaining how the show worked. They moved into a bit about dating, the two of them stage-complaining about their dating tribulations. 

“Girl, I am just over it,” said Violet. “I had a little bit of a thing for a department store Santa Clause, you know, but sadly it didn’t work out.” She nodded at Lareda’s exaggerated head tilt and skeptical look. “Come on, mama, that beard? That giant chest? I’d swipe right on that big boy,” said Violet with a sassy look at the audience.

“Ugh, girl, no,” said Lareda in an exaggerated wince. “I don’t ever want to be in the same room with Father Christmas. I think I’m Claustrophobic.” That got a loud laugh from the audience, mixed with some groans, mostly from Charlie and James, who exchanged a horrified look. Tex turned around for a second and beamed at Charlie, drinking in his misery like a pun-loving vampire.

Charlie leaned over to James and whispered, “Think we can make a run for it?”

James sighed. “This is why Tex put us in the front. So no escape is possible.”

Charlie laughed. Lareda and Violet went on with their monologue, continuing to talk about who they’d dated since the start of the new year. 

“Yeah, no Santa for me,” continued Lareda. “I do like a big guy though. But honestly, all bodies are beautiful. I like big guys, and sometimes I like a skinny guy too. Although dating a skinny guy is only fun until you roll down the window when you’re driving on the M25 and he flies out like a McDonald’s napkin.”

“And then you have to find a new one,” agreed Violet over the crowd. “And dating now - what a shitshow!” There was a round of cheering. “I tell you, girl, I hate using Grindr. Just constantly pining after men who ghost. But it’s helped me discover a solution for the whole energy crisis, sis. A crush is the purest form of renewable energy.” That got a reaction from the audience, a lot of whoops and hollers of rueful agreement. 

“Oh see, I love Grindr,” said Lareda. “You use that shit right and it can be your grocery delivery service, your Taskrabbit, your Uber, and your dispensary.” She winked at the audience, who cheered. “You just gotta make it werk. I did meet my last boyfriend on Grindr, though” she said. “Remember him, mama?”

“Mm, I do. Didn’t he have a nickname?”

“Yeah, his nickname was Termite.”

“Why was it Termite?”

“Well, his real name was Clint Eatswood,” said Lareda, the audience eating it up. 

“I did meet a biologist on there,” said Violet once the laughter had settled back down. “He taught me all about that octopussy. I mean, about octopuses. He was kind of into some kink though - he wanted me to learn how many tickles it takes to make an octopus laugh.”

“Okay, how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?” asked Lareda. 

“Ten tickles,” said Violet promptly, which got a laugh. 

“Girl, an octopus only has eight of those,” said Lareda, pointing her mic at Violet. 

Violet winked at the audience. “Yeah, the first two are just to practice. They’re test tickles.”

There was another loud burst of laughter at that, neither James nor Charlie able to fake their disdain. Lareda and Violet had won them over; they were at the mercy of the puns.

“I’m just glad I have Internet now where I can actually use the good sites,” said Lareda. “My brother and I grew up in Texas,” she continued, winking at Tex’s loud whoop. “Our home Internet was really bad so we’d have to go to the barn to stream anything good; that was the only place that actually had stable Wi-Fi.”

Nick nudged against Charlie as the audience laughed again, Charlie’s himself belly laughing. “Why do you laugh when she does it, not me?” he said in a mock-offended voice.

Charlie rolled his eyes in good-natured amusement. “Maybe if you looked as good in a dress as she does…”

“Hey,” said Nick. “You’ve never seen me in a dress, you don’t know.” He paused, smirking. “Yet.”

Charlie gaped at that, Nick laughing at his reaction. 

Violet and Lareda continued on their opening bit for a few more minutes, until telling the audience that they’d be going to their own tables to take their orders and that there’d be performances all through dinner, so to please be patient with their Queen servers. They went off the stage to loud applause, and Lareda came right to their table, beelining for Tex, who stood up and gave her a huge hug. 

“Hello, you beauties,” said Lareda, grinning at the table. “Thanks for coming out, babes!”

There was a general exclamation of how none of them would have missed it; that they were happy to be there, everything like that. They didn’t want to interrupt Lareda’s show persona and knew that they’d be seeing her as Hunter after the show and get a chance to authentically catch up. Everyone put in their orders and had a great time throughout dinner as various queens performed, mostly keeping to the stage when people were eating to avoid any accidental spills or knocked elbows, with Lareda and Violet taking the mic between songs to keep the crowd warm and introduce their fellow Queens. The two of them were rowdy and fun the whole time, dropping a mixture of sassy observational humor and a few more puns, to Nick, Danny, and Tex’s delight. 

All of the performers were incredible, and their table was as loud and supportive as they could be, whooping and cheering and holding up ribbon after ribbon for the Queens to collect. One particular song stuck out in Charlie’s memory after the show, after dessert had been served and everyone had finished. Rihanna’s Umbrella had come on, but there was no one on stage. Eventually, one patron noticed (and then everyone else) - one of the performers was sitting on the balcony on the second story in an amazing lingerie-themed outfit. She did a series of languid hangs over the balcony, hooking her heels around some of the stabilizing poles and doing some incredible dips. She eventually made her way down the stairs during the song, pausing on the half-flight to open an umbrella, which showered glitter all over their table. Charlie looked over at Nick’s closed-eye, happy expression as glitter fell in his hair and laughed. 

“You love glitter, you absolute child,” said Charlie, smiling at Nick’s joy.

“Of course I fucking do,” agreed Nick. “Who doesn’t love sparkle?”

Charlie laughed out loud. He loved his new, continuing to grow Nick. “Careful, though. Glitter is the incurable viral infection of the craft world. Once that shit is on you, it’s never leaving.”

Nick purred a little, close to Charlie’s ear. “Maybe you can help me find all of the pieces later. Some might have fallen into some really hidden places. I’ll need you to search every inch of my body…”

Charlie swallowed, hoping Nick couldn’t hear it over the sound of the music. He gave Nick’s upper, upper thigh a pulse and heard Nick do the same. “Later, baby.” Nick nodded, a wolfish smile on his face. 

The show ended with an absolutely banging edition of We Are Family, all of the Queens encouraging the patrons to dance as well, then exiting to the same song they entered to.

Heaven is a place where we can dance forever

Hell, it isn’t graceful but it’s now or ever

This is the place to be tonight

This is the place to be!

There was a massive round of cheering and laughing. It had been a truly amazing show. Everyone started to leave, but their table stayed behind. Lareda waited until most people had left, then came back out to say hello. She made her way back over to them, going in for another hug for Tex and Regan, who she clearly knew well. 

“Fuck, did you see it’s snowing?” she said, by way of greeting. “My Texas ass will be freezing when we go out.”

Tex laughed. “It’s pretty though! We never got snow in Texas.”

Lareda scoffed as she hugged Regan. “Ugh, snow is only fun if you don’t have a job.” Charlie snorted and Lareda turned towards him. “Walker, you gotta introduce me to everyone.”

Tex introduced everyone to Lareda, who was such a warm, funny presence that she had everyone at ease and laughing right away. At one point Charlie said something sarcastic that got everyone giggling, and Lareda nudged Nick to compliment Charlie’s “char-p sense of humor.” She and Nick had both thrown their heads back at the utterly betrayed look on Charlie’s face.

They all chatted for a bit before she headed backstage to get changed, telling them that they were welcome to stay until she was done and sending a pitcher of margaritas over to the table. Charlie reveled in how giddy Nick was after the show, just blown away by the confidence and dancing and music. He loved Nick’s earnest whole-heartedness; it was so authentically Nick. Their table all drank and laughed until Hunter came out, looking eerily similar to Tex, just a little less built and with shorter hair. Out of heels, the twins were the exact same height, with similar smiles and senses of fun. 

“Hey again y’all,” said Hunter. “Do you fuckers want to go out somewhere?”

There was general agreement, and Hunter suggested a club down the street where he knew nearly all of the staff, from what it sounded like. Their massive group made their way down the street, Imogen blasting music from their phone, periodically stopping for dance breaks and for one of them to throw their heads back in laughter at something one of the others said. 

On the block before they got to the club, a loud, obnoxious car drove past them, well over the speed limit and going through the light far later than was acceptable. “Yeah, we see you, red sports car,” yelled Hunter. “Sorry your dad didn’t!” 

“Oh, I like you,” said Darcy, nodding firmly amidst the group’s already-drunken laughter. “Both you and Lareda.”

Hunter gave her a wink. “Me too, girl.” He linked his arm with hers, Tara taking her other one. They all arrived at the club and Hunter walked over to the men at the door, gesturing at the group, the door immediately opened for them. Charlie gave an impressed nod at the VIP treatment that Tex caught, dropping back to talk with Charlie.

“Pretty great to go out with him, huh?” said Tex, nodding towards his brother. 

Charlie nodded appreciatively. “If I ever leave the professional sports world I’m attaching myself to him so I still get special access to everything.”

Tex grinned. “You’ll never leave the professional sports world. You know Nick will never be able to get away from rugby for good, so you’re stuck with it for life, guy.”

Charlie felt his heart do a little stutter step at the idea of Tex thinking that he and Nick were endgame, and felt himself blushing. “I…we - ha, yeah, I guess. I mean, we’ve only been together five months, but I…” he trailed off, not wanting to start gushing to Tex about how deeply and often he thought about his and Nick’s future. 

Tex saw the flustered look on his face and laughed. “Springtime, my friend, we all tell Nick not to gamble, but you’re not much better at hiding anything. And trust me - it’s game over for both of you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people more perfectly suited for one another. You lift each other up.” With that simple and poignant statement he clapped Charlie on the shoulder and followed the group in, who had walked past. 

Nick was standing slightly to the side as the group passed, waiting for Charlie. He reached out his hand as Charlie walked over, looking carefully at him. “You okay, love?”

Charlie looked fully at Nick’s face. The face that he wanted to see every day for the rest of his life. The face he loved now and would continue to love as it changed and aged and went through life with him. The face that made him feel like his most powerful self, in every sense. He reached up and took Nick’s face with his hands, kissing him for a long few seconds, pushing his body against Nick’s, drawing a happy sound out of him. “Yes,” he said, drawing back and smiling. “I’m great.”

-

That night had been an absolute riot and Charlie and Nick talked about it the entire ride to Kent. They’d stayed for hours, dancing and drinking and all having an incredible time together. Nick and Charlie had taken over the dance floor with Amy, Imogen, Tex, and Danny, the six of them eventually coaxing everyone else to join them besides Hunter, who had found a gorgeous jock that he had disappeared with. Tex was characteristically nonchalant and funny, saying it was the Texas accent that made them irresistible to all people, nuzzling into Regan’s neck and making her laugh. 

Nick and Charlie stayed at a reasonable drunkenness level knowing that they’d have a car trip the next day, though not sober enough that it kept them from taking advantage when Hunter grabbed them at one point to show them an extremely helpful storage closet that Hunter was very familiar with. Twelve minutes later, a flushed Nick and Charlie re-joined their friends after ducking to the loo to rinse their mouths, Charlie laughing and smoothing down Nick’s hair before they got back to everyone. 

One of the most fun parts had been seeing Danny and James fully being themselves and with each other, clearly at ease in this open, welcoming space. Near the end of the night, when Amy and Darcy had inexplicably started an arm-wrestling competition on one of the long tables, using colored bar mats to map out a bracket system, Danny and James were dancing together, not far from Nick and Charlie. Nick had given Charlie a gentle pinch on the bum and nodded towards them, James tiling his face up at Danny, smiling as the disco ball threw flecks of sparkling light all over them. Danny had smiled at James and leaned in to kiss him, tilting his head, making James reach up and wrap his around around Danny’s neck. 

Nick and Charlie agreed in the car that that might have been the highlight of the night, though the back-closet shenanigans were a close second. They’d all stumbled out of the club around 2, everyone making it back to the hotel or their homes, in Tara, Darcy, and Hunter’s cases. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the rest of them had run into some of their teammates in the lobby when they came back in, and everyone had ended up in Wilco’s room for a bit until Captain Dad kicked them out around 3:30. 

As a result, Nick and Charlie hadn’t slept until 4, and had to drag themselves up around 10 to make sure that they got to Kent in time. They drove straight to the pitch, waiting in the car for Charlie’s parents and brother to pass them in the car park, ducking down a little in their seats. They waited a minute, and then got out of the car to go sneak up and surprise Olly as he put on his boots, Charlie’s heart swelling at Nick, who was literally giggling in anticipation. They walked over behind the wooden stands where Olly sat on the first row, lacing up his boots. Nick stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled nonchalantly around the stands, Charlie following and grinning. 

“‘Scuse me, I’m looking for the star flanker of the Kent Cougars?”

Olly’s head whipped up to see both of them, and Charlie thought his eyeballs might actually fall out of his sockets. “NICK?!”

Nick glanced over his shoulder at Charlie, who rolled his eyes. He knew as soon as he’d brought Nick round to meet Olly he’d lost his status as most-adored older male figure. And if it was anyone but Nick, he supposed he would have been mildly irritated. But it was Nick, so he settled on wry acceptance. Who wouldn’t melt, having Nick surprise them?

Olly flew to hug Nick and then Charlie, Jane and Julio smiling broadly watching the scene. Once Olly had settled down from literal screaming, he’d dragged Nick (and Charlie, the perennial afterthought), over to his team and coaches. The adults and kids alike both on Olly’s and the opposing team had collectively lost their minds at his appearance, and Charlie hung back a little to watch Nick kneel down to sign jerseys, balls, boots, talking to each kid. Charlie could hear him asking what their names were, what position they played, what they liked about rugby, telling them that they were going to do great today. He eventually extricated himself, making his way back to Charlie looking a little embarrassed.

“Don’t want to steal too much of the spotlight; it should be about the kids,” he murmured. Nick looked at Charlie, who felt like the human equivalent of the half-melting face emoji. “What?”

Charlie shook his head. “You’re…you. One part of you might be a big tough rugby lad, but you’re really the sweetest and most thoughtful person I’ve ever met.”

Nick looked at Charlie, clearly impacted. He smiled and then took Charlie’s hand, in front of everyone there. Charlie loved that this was just what they… did now. “Takes one to know one,” he said in a teasing tone, pulsing Charlie’s hand. He led Charlie to the stands, Charlie trying to get back in his head. Nick with kids just - did things to him. Charlie had never really thought about having kids much, but if his forever was Nick - and god, he wanted it to be - he truly couldn’t imagine a better person than Nick as a parent. 

Charlie settled down with Nick and his parents on the bench, his parents hugging Nick, Jane a little stiffly, but still. They caught up for a bit between phases of the match, Charlie’s parents asking about his ribs and Nick complimenting Charlie’s attentiveness throughout the healing process. Charlie repeated that Nick would only miss one more match, which even though Nick already knew it, made him smile in a way that made Charlie want to tell him over and over. Nick cheered louder than anyone for Olly, almost causing Olly to miss a phase when he stared back at Nick in utter amazement and delight. 

“Olly, the ball,” Charlie called, laughing. Olly had started and raced off down the pitch, all of them chuckling. 

Olly’s team had lost the fixture, but he was entirely unbothered. Nick and Charlie followed his family to a restaurant where they all had lunch before heading back to Charlie’s childhood home in Kent, where they’d be staying for the evening. They eventually extricated themselves from Charlie’s family when Olly went to have a shower, Charlie leading Nick up to his bedroom, Jane’s face only twitching a little. They hadn’t done anything, but it still felt a little naughty to have Nick in his bedroom, the same bedroom where he’d dreamed about endless teenage crushes. Nick had wandered around, taking it all in, delighting in the pictures of Charlie when he was in primary and secondary school. He’d eventually wrestled Charlie onto the bed for some fully clothed “recharging cuddles”, where they stayed until Olly burst in, not at the age where he realized the sanctity of a locked door. Hence, why Nick and Charlie’s cuddles had been fully clothed and entirely chaste.  Olly had jumped on top of them, clearly instantaneously comfortable with Nick in their home and as a normal and accepted part of their lives.

The rest of the evening was lovely, Nick continuing his gift of making family meals easy with his light conversation and adorable alliance with Olly. Olly had protestingly gone to bed around ten, Jane firmly reminding him that the next day was a school day, and Charlie and Nick hadn’t been long behind, the muted hangovers and lack of sleeping catching up to them. They spend the next day walking around, Charlie showing Nick his old school, Truham. There was a planning day for the Truham teachers and the campus was empty. They walked around the campus, Charlie pointing out the tables that he used to walk past where the cutest boy in school would sit every day before class with his sporty friends. 

“Sadly, it didn’t work out between us,” said Charlie. “I think the whole ‘never speaking’ thing might have been a contributing factor.”

“Mm, I’m sorry to hear that,” said Nick with faux-sincere comfort. “Would it be helpful to have the second-cutest boy in school sit over there so you can pretend I’m him?” He walked over to the table and struck a ‘cool-guy’ post, sitting on the table and leaning back on his hands, gazing into the distance.

Charlie laughed and shook his head. He walked over and Nick spread his knees so Charlie could slot between them. He pulled Charlie in close and gave him a kiss. Charlie wished his fourteen-year-old self could see this - see how it truly did and would get better. See how he would eventually see himself, love himself. Love the life he had built. Love the rich community of people around him who were loving and funny and caring. And it had gotten so much better than he ever could have imagined.

Nick and Charlie had stayed for Olly to get home from school, then Nick had challenged Olly to a match of Mario Kart. Charlie knew that Nick was hoping that he’d finally be able to beat a Spring, but little did he know that Olly had been trained under Charlie’s intense tutelage, with many online sessions that had honed Olly as a worthy adversary. Nick remained undefeated at being defeated by the Springs. He eventually cast the controller aside with a grumble, complaining that clearly, the Spring family must have a mole in the Nintendo corporation who sent buggy versions of the game to punish those foolish enough to challenge them.

Nick and Charlie had departed with Olly hugging both of them, Nick encouragingly telling him that they’d see him soon at some of the upcoming matches to stave off any potential tears. They’d gotten back in the car and Nick had sighed deeply as they started driving. It was content, but also - something. Something else.

“Are you okay, baby?” asked Charlie.

“Yeah,” said Nick. “It’s just…spending time with your family - it makes me think of mine a bit, too. Not my mum, of course, but my dad. And my brother, though that seems to be…yeah.”

To his credit, David was trying. He had messaged Nick two weeks into his injury, asking if Nick would be okay if he called. That had been a step in itself - David was aware that he shouldn’t force himself and his attention on Nick. The brothers had spoken, the conversation somewhat halting and awkward for the half that Charlie could hear, Nick gripping Charlie’s hand in a silent entreaty to stay there with him. After the call, Nick had confirmed all of the things Charlie had assumed from what he heard - that David had asked about his injury and when he’d be back. David had also said that he had done a few more sessions with his team’s psychologist, who had recommended a family counselor who was open to doing remote sessions. Both Nick and Charlie had been very surprised by that, but Nick had graciously offered to meet with them to see if it was a good mutual fit for both brothers. It was not everything, by any means. But it was a start.

Nick’s dad on the other hand…that was a different story. He had still called Nick a few times, and Tara had let Nick know that he’d reached out to her as well, a call she ignored. Nick had listened to one recent message from Stephane and then wordlessly extended the phone to Charlie to listen as well, the angry tone clear even if Charlie didn’t know the language. Nick had translated that his dad said something along the lines of being ‘too soft to return his father’s calls’ and said that as family, he deserved better.

Charlie had Nick had a solid conversation about that - how family didn’t deserve anything. They might earn mutual love and respect, but family wasn’t owed anything based on genetic markers. They talked about how Nick deserved people in his life who saw him, truly saw him. Nick and Lucy had done a lot of work around Nick’s dad, and Nick had described one session with her where he pictured him and his dad as two Christmas shoppers walking past each other in a crowd, not even exchanging pleasantries. Lucy had said that a pretty clear indication of what Nick wanted - that he had no obligation to have a relationship with someone who’d treated him callously and cruelly both earlier in life and now. It was something she and Nick continually worked on, as did Nick and Charlie together. 

“Yeah,” continued Nick. “I mean, David - well, he’s not perfect. And he’ll never fucking be, I’m sure.” Charlie snorted in agreement. “But yeah - like, my dad…I don’t know. I know that I don’t care to have a relationship with someone like him, but still…seeing how your dad treats Olly, it - yeah. It’s not like… hard to see, but it’s just this tug of knowing what some people do have? Like…wistfulness for something I didn’t have.”

Charlie reached over to take Nick’s hand. “I know, baby. And that’s authentically valid.”

Nick nodded. “I know.” He looked at Charlie, a small smile on his face. “You and Lucy are amazing that you always help me remember that.”

“And, like - something that I hope you realize is how utterly and completely different you are from him,” said Charlie softly, thumbing over the back of Nick’s hand. “Seeing you with Olly - no matter if you decide to have kids or not, you’ve already broken that cycle. You are not him. And despite all the shit that he did, you don’t act like him. You’ve chosen to be the complete opposite. And that’s something you chose. You are continually amazing, Nick.”

Nick gave another big sigh, this time sounding like pure peace. “You’re the amazing one, Charlie,” he said, picking up Charlie’s hand and kissing it. “And it’s ‘we’.”

“What?”

“If we decide to have kids.” Charlie’s eyes snapped open, and Nick laughed at his wide-eyed expression. He dropped their hands back down and squeezed Charlie’s. “Not something we need to talk about right now. But it’s always a ‘we’ for me, Charlie.”

The rest of the car ride, Charlie couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face. 

-

The first half of the bye week Nick and Charlie stayed in London, along with several members of the team. They traipsed around with the Badgers teammates, staff, and friends like Hunter and Regan, and even Wilco’s family one morning. The boys on the team were sometimes stopped by fans but generally left on their own. The second team bus was going back on Thursday morning, and Nick and Charlie were taking that, looking forward to a few blissful nights in Leeds where they could catch up with their local friends and…each other. On Wednesday, Wilco started a group message inviting everyone still in town to get an afternoon beer, and Nick and Charlie both agreed that they wanted to join.

They arrived at the bar around 3:30, the whole plan being that they’d all go out early and have one or two, as everyone was feeling it from a pub crawl many of them did the day before. About fifteen players had shown up, along with Amy and Charlie - pretty much everyone who was still in town, but just the team and staff this time, friends and families otherwise occupied. The bar was fairly quiet on a Wednesday afternoon without many sports on, though there were a few people around in the dark-wooded establishment. They’d settled on a long table; Charlie, Nick, and Amy sat near one end, a little in their own world and catching each other up.

Nick asked about the rest of Amy’s break and she’d filled them in on how she and Isaac were developing a new dance that they were going to try to debut at an upcoming competition, a swing-step type dance that Amy showed them a clip of. They were going to spend the weekend practicing once they all got back to Leeds. Even the small portion from the video was acrobatic and fast and fun; Charlie thought they’d slay with it. 

“And then my whole family will be here for the Easter match next week,” she added excitedly. “Right in time for you to be back, Nick! They get in on Friday night, so I won’t see them until after the fixture, but they’re staying for a full week and change.”

“Oh, that’ll be great,” said Nick. “I cannot wait to meet the entire Jameson clan. Did any of you or your brothers play rugby growing up?”

“Hell no,” said Amy. “My brothers and parents are going to be completely puzzled by rugby. We were a hockey and box family.”

“Box?” asked Charlie, confused.

“Ah,” said Amy. “Box lacrosse. Lacrosse is the national summer sport of Canada, and there’s both field and box.”

Nick and Charlie looked at her blankly. “Summer sport?”

“Yeah, we have the national winter sport - hockey of course - and then the national summer sport, which is lacrosse. Then box lacrosse is basically hockey but without skates - same thing, five players a side plus a goalie, boards, lots of checking, innuendo you can make about shafts and sticks and heads, the usual.”

“Canada is weird,” said Charlie.

“Britain is weird; you two-tap-on-a-sink lovers,” said Amy. “Sometimes you just want to see big men on the ice hitting each other, and I get so little of that here.” She sighed melodramatically. “Such is the life of the lonely wanderer, many leagues from her home.”

“Well, what, you have four brothers coming? And your parents? You won’t be lonely for long,” said Nick with a grin.

“Yep, all four and my dad plus momma Jameson,” she confirmed. “It’s going to be a fucking disaster. I can’t wait. What about you two? How was it in Kent?”

“It was great,” said Nick. “We got to see Olly play in fixture, Charlie’s family was great, and I found this really fit lad that I got to spend time with on the car ride home.”

“What’s his name?” asked Charlie, cheekily. “If he’s really fit, I kind of want to meet him, too.”

Nick grinned. “You already know him, I think.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He’s gorgeous, funny, has magic physio hands…”

Charlie smirked. “An incredible drummer too, I bet.”

“And is so humble,” continued Nick. Charlie and Amy laughed. “No, we had an amazing time. Charlie showed me his town and his old school. We didn’t do much, but it was still fantastic just getting to be with his family.” Charlie smiled at Nick and reached a hand behind his back to rub between Nick’s shoulders. 

“It was,” agreed Charlie. 

“Ugh, get a room,” said Amy cheerfully, rolling her eyes fondly at Nick and Charlie. “You two are disgusting.”

“Damn right,” said a rough voice nearby. Their heads all whipped around to see a tall, fairly built man in his thirties sitting directly behind Amy nodding in apparent agreement, his arms crossed and an ugly expression on his face. It was remarkable how much he looked like Harry, and how the sneering edge in his voice sounded just like him, too. “No one wants to see that shit.” 

Charlie’s heart immediately sped up and he felt Nick’s hand tighten on his forearm where it was resting. Do not let Nick get hurt was the only thought racing through his mind, thinking of how Nick was coming back next week, how he needed to keep Nick safe.

Amy turned her body to look at the man, still in her chair.  She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at the guy. When she spoke, it was in a low, dangerous tone. “Oh, you have wildly misunderstood the situation here, my guy. Kindly fuck off; that’s the only way things will end well for you.”

A few of the other players’ heads were turning towards them, some sort of team sense that something was up. Seamus’s eyes had narrowed on the man talking to Amy and was already half-rising out of his chair, down at the other end of the table. 

The guy stood up with a drunken sway, pointing unsteadily at Charlie and Nick, but addressing Amy. “Nah, fuck that political correctness bullshit. I don’t want to go get pissed and have to see a couple of queers thinking they’re better than everyone else. Nobody wants to see any fucking f-“ His words ended with a heavy grunt and a wheeze. Several of the Badgers had started to move as soon as the guy got up, but Amy was quicker and closer than anyone else. She jumped out of her chair and rushed forward to land an incredible head-butt squarely on the guy’s chest. The impact knocked the wind out of him and sent him stumbling back into the table and chairs behind him, his arms wheeling cartoonishly, his mates yelling. Seamus pulled Amy away, wrapping his arms around her from behind and dragging her away before anything else could happen, her still yelling at the guy even as Seamus half-carried her away.

Both of the guy’s friends got up to try to avenge their friend’s honor, but by then, there was a group of about eight Badgers of various massive sizes standing between them and Nick, Charlie, and Amy, still with Seamus. That seemed to significantly diminish any remaining enthusiasm by itself, and Wilco finished it off. He walked over slowly to stand in front of the drunk guy, now back on his feet and glaring with intense embarrassment. It was that look that scared Charlie a little more than anything else - he knew that hell hath no fury like a fragile cishet white man scorned by embarrassment. But he was clearly cowed by the look on Wilco’s face, one of cold and controlled fury.

“You and your friends have fifteen seconds to get the hell out of here. Go home, lads. Go home and consider how sad your lives are that you are both pissed at four in the afternoon, and that you’re so threatened by other people being happy that it makes you as thin-skinned as a leaking piss bag. Go the fuck home.”

The drunk guy swayed once, and one of his mates grabbed him by the shirt and hauled him away, all of them turning tail and leaving the bar at high speed, one of the bartenders who had moved to intervene following them out and slamming the door shut behind them. 

All of this had happened in the space of a few seconds, Charlie and Nick still unmoved from where they had been less than a minute ago when it all started. Shaking off his shock, Charlie got up and went over to Amy, Nick with him. Seamus had let her go once she calmed down, and was now facing her, his hands on her upper arms as he looked at her worriedly.

“Shit, that hurt much more than I thought it would,” said Amy, wincing and touching her neck. “You lot make it look so effortless.”

“Who the fuck taught you how to do that?!” said Seamus, eyes a little wild. “What - fuck, Tex, was that from one of your boxing lessons?”

“Fucking hell, Ames, that was dynamite,” exclaimed Danny, coming over. “I mean, fuck all of that and fuck that fucking guy in particular, but that was just like I taught you!”

Seamus wheeled on Danny, releasing Amy. “That was you?!”

Danny stepped back from the look on Seamus’s face. “No? It was - fuck you, Tex, you know better than to show people how to headbutt!” He edged away quickly, Tex protesting that he had nothing to do with it. 

“I - fuck, are you okay?” asked Seamus, hands back on Amy’s shoulders. 

She took a breath and nodded. “I mean, yeah. I’m totally fine. I’m furious, but I’m not, like, hurt.”

Seamus shook his head at her, still looking concerned. “You shouldn’t have…I mean, if you’d gotten hurt-“

“-It would have been worth it,” she said firmly. “No one fucks with our people.”

“I mean…yeah,” said Seamus. “Still, I - none of us want to see you get hurt.”

“I - yeah. But…sometimes it’s worth a little risk? To do what you care about? Right?”

“We…yeah,” said Seamus vaguely, staring at her intently. 

And then they were kissing. 

Charlie drew back, astonished at the intensity of it. He had no idea which one of them had started it, but now that it had started, they were like two fifteen year olds left alone in the house for the first time. He and Nick exchanged a surprised look, then slowly edged back, joining the group of players laughing and cheers-ing in Amy and Seamus’s direction. 

“Fucking finally,” muttered Wilco, shaking his head in their direction. “That guy has been a mopey little whine-bag for months.” He looked at Nick and Charlie, his expression more serious. “Are you two okay?”

Nick nodded, then looked at Charlie, who echoed the movement. He was a little keyed up, of course, but he was okay. “Yeah, we are.” Nick looked a little embarrassed. “I - fuck, sorry to get you all involved in that.”

“What the fuck are you apologizing for, Nick?” asked Stig, perplexed. “You guys had nothing to do with that. Clearly that numpty would have been a piece of shit to anyone not like him.”

“But, I could have - I could have taken care of it,” said Nick, frowning down a little at his torso. Charlie knew he was thinking of his ribs, too, and how he still felt like he wasn’t one hundred percent, a bit stymied by his own body. 

Wilco put a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve got people. You don’t always need to take care of everything yourself.”

Nick went to speak again, and then paused and nodded, looking back at Wilco. “You’re - yeah. You’re right.”

“You know what?” said James almost out of nowhere, speaking for the first time since the bar had exploded. “Fuck that homophobic nonsense. Fuck hiding shit because it might make other people mad.” He turned to Danny, stepping close to him. “Babe?”

Danny looked taken aback, then a smile spread over his face. “Seriously?”

“Fucking right,” James said, grabbing Danny’s face and kissing him once, in front of everyone. There was another little outburst of cheering and cheers-ing, one of the chairs in the bar making an obscene noise when Amy and Seamus knocked it in their exuberance. 

Charlie felt Nick’s hand take his. There would always be morons in the world. But there’d also be this - the righteous indignation that their moronic closed-mindedness would spark, and the gorgeous declarations of queer love that would outweigh the ugliness they brought into the world. 

He knew that he and Nick were particularly lucky - they had Nick’s size and both of their bodies able to defend themselves, if they needed. And the team had been around them. Not everyone had any of that.

When they went back to the hotel, Nick and Charlie talked about what had happened at the bar. It had ended fine and they had the team there with them to support had anything gone down. But still, it was troubling (and worse) to think of people like that in the world, whose views were so narrow and whose self-worth was so fragile that the literal existence of other people living their lives around them caused them to lash out - even when those people had zero impact on their own tiny, grim lives. 

“It makes me…like, not afraid,” said Nick. “But it does make me think about people who don’t have the supports that we do. Like, people who might not have the same people around them who care and accept them.”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie. “I totally agree with you. People who are still realizing and accepting their full selves that thing like that might scare them into thinking that who they are or who they love is ugly, or bad, or offensive, or whatever bullshit sergeant tiny-dick in the bar would have said.”

Nick’s eyes were drawn together; he was clearly thinking about something, and Charlie gave him the time to do so. “I want to…” he stopped, and then started again. “I haven’t spoken beyond the team video that we made, you know?” Charlie nodded. “I think I want to…yeah. I do. I want to do an interview. Or, whatever, multiple. And let all questions be on the table - you know, nothing off limits. But I want to talk about being bisexual. About you - us. I want to…Lucy said the word de-stigmatize, the other day. I want to do that. I want to make it really clear that being bi isn’t shameful - like, help de-stigmatize being bi or gay in sport. Two men being together isn’t weird or out of place in sports or in a bar or anything like that. Or two women being together, or anyone.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Charlie spoke softly. “I think that would be amazing for a lot of people. But it’s also not your responsibility. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“ We’re not ready for,” corrected Nick with a warm look at Charlie. “And I know. I know it’s not. But…yeah. It’s something I feel ready to do. I think of how different things are for you and me with the group that we have. How we can be ourselves around them, and no one gives us any shit. In fact, how much, like, love we get for it. And I think about people who don’t have that. Maybe I can - at least provide something in terms of support. Let them know that they’re not alone. They’re as deserving of taking up space in the world like anyone else.”

Charlie took Nick’s hand. He was such an embodiment of choosing goodness. “Yes,” he said. “You’re entirely right. You could do that for someone - and make things even one percent easier on someone. Anyone. I think it’s wonderful, baby.”

Nick moved on the couch so he could lay his head on Charlie’s lap, Charlie stroking his hair. “Think Tao would help? I could do interviews with, like, media outlets. But I like the idea of starting with another video made by our team. Our people.”

Charlie smiled. “I know he would.” He paused. “It might end up being the first film that he shows that you actually enjoy.”

Nick laughed and nodded, then shot up out of Charlie’s lap, making him jump. “Um, speaking of enjoying themselves, how the fuck did we not talk about Amy and Seamus!?”

Charlie gasped. “Right?! In the words of queen Lizzo, it’s about damn time!” Seamus and Amy had eventually separated at the bar, looking confused and dizzied. They’d taken off not long after that, grabbing their coats to go for a walk - and hopefully talk, Charlie hoped. He couldn’t wait to get the tea from Amy after giving her some space to process and react, like a good friend. He’d give her at least a solid 30 minutes before he started blowing up her phone. 

“God, I know, he’s been whingeing about it for ages - how much he likes her but didn’t want to try, blah blah blah,” agreed Nick. “I’m so glad for them. And us, too,” he added with a laugh. “Less pining. God, who’d pine for someone like that?” He shot Charlie a sassy look. “So embarrassing for them.”

Charlie rolled his eyes and smiled. “I’m glad too,” he said. “She’s been mad about him for over a year, but didn’t even admit it to me for a while because of Kate. She didn’t want to play any role in breaking anyone up.”

Nick made a face. “Ugh, Kate.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. Suddenly he remembered something and started snickering. “Oh my god. Amy’s entire family is coming in, what, nine days? Seamus is going to have to meet all of her brothers. Like a week into…whatever they’re doing.”

Nick snorted. “Wow. That will be like…four extra Amys. I do not envy that guy.”

“Me neither,” laughed Charlie. 

They talked a bit longer, reflecting on the day and the week, Nick still in wonder about the drag show and how much he loved it. Charlie smiled and thought about Danny and James, how far they’d come in their own relationship, helped at least in some small way by Nick and Charlie. These were the moments that Charlie loved; the ones where he and Nick took space to be and think about their world, together, and figure out how to continually navigate that world - also together. They’d work through this next piece, using someone’s ignorance and small-mindedness to try to make life a little better for someone else. Later that night, they could talk to Tao and Imogen and start thinking about how they’d move forward yet again, but for this moment, it was just them.

God, Charlie loved them so much.

Chapter Text

The rest of the bye week was nice, and went by too quickly as always. The bus ride back to Leeds had been riotously fun, feeling more like a secondary school field trip than a team bus ride with only about half the bus full. They’d listened to music and played several games of slap-hands over the tops of the seats, with stupid movies playing over the bus TVs that players and staff called out quotes to the entire time. 

Charlie had abandoned Nick without pretense for the bus ride, jamming himself in the seat next to Amy to get details, as she had steadfastly ignored his calls and messages all night. Charlie couldn’t really blame her; he remembered the first time he had shared a hotel room with Nick and he certainly wouldn’t have thought to look at his phone that night. She had finally texted him back in the morning, promising to fill him in on their way back to Leeds. They were first on the bus as usual and in their normal seat near the front. Nick gave them a grin as he walked past, tousling Charlie’s hair and giving Amy a saucy wink, which she returned. 

“I saw Seamus carrying two bags to the bus, Jameson,” said Nick. “I thought we had a very strict one-bag-per-person limit? How do you reckon he got an extra one?”

“Fuck off, Nelson,” said Amy cheerfully, saluting him with her middle finger. 

Nick fondly returned the gesture and headed to the back of the bus to get his seat. Seamus wasn’t long after, giving Amy a broad smile as he walked up the steps of the bus. He stopped for a minute, just looking and grinning with her returning the look, then seemed to realize Charlie existed as a human person in front of him a moment later. 

“Hey Springtime,” he said, looking a little dazed. 

Charlie put on a concerned look. “Seamus, you look tired. Are you not resting well? Was your hotel room too loud? Do you want me to ask Imogen to make sure the next one is a little quieter?”

Seamus rolled his eyes and grinned. “Nope. I slept great.”

“Keep a’walkin’,” grumbled Tex, bumping into Seamus from behind. He and Hunter and Regan had gone out again the night before and all of them were apparently a little worse for the wear, Regan looking equally as rough. And both of them had to rest up; Hunter was coming to Leeds the following weekend. 

Seamus gave Amy one more glowing look which she returned, then headed to the back to sit with Nick. Once the players were all safely seated a few rows behind them, Charlie turned to Amy.

“Ohmigod, tea, Amy, fucking spill. It’s been 16 hours of torture for me; what the fuck happened after the bar?!”

Amy smiled. “It was honestly really nice. We just like…walked around for a while. And actually talked, you know? We both talked about the fact that we’ve liked each other for a long time…but he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. And then for me, of course, first he was with Kate, but then even after, I felt the same way about not wanting to make him uncomfortable, and all that.”

“And then what?”

“Then we just like, kept walking. We found this cute place and had an impromptu dinner and - god, yeah. It was so great, Charlie. Like - the same conversations and fun as always, you know? But this time…knowing that he likes me and I like him? The fact it was all in the open…I was worried that would feel weird. Like the friendship wouldn’t be there, if we crossed the line. But it totally still was. I can still take the piss out of him and all that, and it’s still great.”

This was all so lovely and wonderful for both of them, but Charlie was also done with the Disney movie portion of the night and was ready for HBO. “And then?! Did you go back to the hotel? Did you stay in his room? Did you hook up?”

Amy looked offended. “Charlie! Intimacy is a sacred and precious thing to me. I keep that private.”

Charlie gave her a skeptical look, but her expression didn’t change. He immediately felt a little badly. “Oh, babes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry, really. And I totally respect you wanting to keep anything like that to yourself.”

Amy snickered. “God, Charlie, I am one hundred percent fucking with you. Of course I’m going to tell you everything.” And then she did, spending the next hour telling Charlie things he didn’t know that he didn’t want to know about assistant captain Seamus O'Reilly, including the thing that made his left leg twitch uncontrollably and solicited a noise complaint call to the room around 2 am. By the time the bus ride was over, Charlie would have been happy never hearing a single fucking detail about Amy’s sex life again, pun very sadly intended. 

As for Nick and Charlie, their final couple of nights at home were great before the season kicked back off for the last stretch. They’d gotten to spend time with some of their friends who they hadn’t caught up with in a while, and had plenty of time to connect with each other as well. Tao finally allowed Nick to attend a film night with the crew, though firmly told him that he would have to earn the political capital to be allowed a vote on any film, a task he warned may take decades. In their group chat it came out that Nick had never seen Donnie Darko and Tao insisted on that being the movie they watched. Charlie laughed when Nick buried himself in his chest not a small number of times, hiding in Charlie’s stolen-from-Nick jumper.

“This isn’t even a scary movie!” Charlie said, trying to pry off the giant man from between his pecs and failing. What a travesty for him to endure.  

“Are you kidding?!” said Nick. “Look at that man-bunny and tell me that you won’t have nightmares for weeks.”

Amid the several subsequent nights of Nick clutching Charlie like a full-sized teddy bear for protection, they also had gone to a museum, out to dinner, and to the event at Sahar’s art gallery. For the ribbing Charlie had given Nick about Nick’s “real date” diatribe at the drag show, Charlie really did love it when they went out to more public things like this, or just expanded beyond the walls that they had smartly built around themselves, continually testing out their own comfort levels. He adored the feeling of being on Nick’s arm, and Nick on his, and the art gallery event had been particularly lovely. At the event, he and Nick had even picked out a painting to add to their home. It was a painting of the inside of a brilliantly white oyster shell, with a rainbow of vibrant colors spilling out along with the pearl.  It had reminded both of them of the beach and of the richness of color in their life, and they’d gladly bought it, also knowing that the money would go to local LGBTQ charities. 

Nick and Charlie had also connected with Imogen and Tao again to talk about options for Nick to speak more openly about being bisexual in sport. Imogen suggested they make another team video, one where they could determine the questions and control the narrative, but Nick had eventually decided that he wanted to open himself up to any interviewers, with any questions allowed (within normal reason for sports). Imogen had understood and set up interviews with several pundits over the next week.

Nick was able to sit down for an interview on the last Saturday of the bye week, the interviewer projecting that he’d be able to send them the preview on the following Monday, after the Easter match when Nick returned. Ideally, it would be released on that Tuesday. That would give them nearly a full week for the media cycle to die down before they played in Ireland in the first leg of the Gallagher Cup. In conversations with Nick, Imogen, and Tao, they decided it would be best to start with an article over a video, with Nick being able to consider his words and not have to worry about his facial expression and body language quite as much. The interviewer had come to their place to speak with Nick, Lucy recommending that he start in as comfortable an environment as possible for his first time opening up. The interviewer was a thoughtful man in his forties who Tao had vetted and recommended as someone who’d make sure to write something nuanced and insightful, rather than something sensationalist, or something just meant to mine clicks. He’d started by talking with Nick about the things he wanted to make sure he communicated, going as far as working with Nick to outline a list of bullets that he wanted to make sure to address. He asked questions, he listened, he clarified. 

He was authentically kind, and listened as Nick worried aloud about the idea that people would think he was doing the interview for attention or trying to stay relevant or something like that. 

“Why are you doing this?” asked the reporter, who incidentally was named Bill. He asked it without judgment, his tone inviting Nick to be honest.

Nick rubbed his forehead with one hand for a moment. “I’ve realized…I’ve realized I have a ton of privilege. There’s some stuff, like being white and having money, but there’s a ton of other privilege that I realized I had, too. Like, I feel fairly physically safe if something were to happen. I’m sizable, I’m young, I’m strong, all that. And I have a really incredible support system with my teammates and mum and boyfriend Charlie.” Charlie had been in the kitchen, listening to the two of them talk at Nick’s request. He smiled over at Nick fondly, who returned the expression. “There are so many other people who don’t have that, or might only have one of those things, or none of those things. I thought - I think that I can use some of that, you know? I can talk about what it’s like to be bi or non-straight or whatever in professional sport. And hopefully it could help even one kid, or an adult, or anyone, really.”

Bill had listened closely, his chin resting in one of his hands. When Nick finished Bill smiled and opened his hands wide in a did you listen to yourself? type of gesture. He smiled. “Well, there you go, yeah? That’s what you’re doing here. That’ll come across. And even if someone decides to interpret it differently, you still know why you’re doing it.”

Charlie felt a pulse of fondness for Bill, despite not knowing him well. This was clearly the right person for Nick to first talk to, and Charlie was immensely grateful for Tao and his insistence that he personally make sure Nick was talking to the right people. The interview kicked off, and Charlie listened to the conversation, alternately smiling, grimacing, fighting back tears, laughing, and reflecting again on how much he loved the man he shared a life with as Nick spoke. When they both shook hands with Bill, Charlie and Nick both felt good about the interview, trusting how he’d handle it and eager to read the copy in a little over a week.

It was a little tough to get back to work the following Monday, knowing that they had another seven weeks of hard training and matches ahead of them (as long as things went as they should and they progressed in the Cup). However, it was made so much easier knowing that Nick was coming back to play that weekend, and his glee was infectious.

“I get to play again,” he said on Tuesday evening, gently running his fingers through Charlie’s curls and sighing with contentment. “You’ve done so much, Char, helping me see stuff beyond rugby. The last few weeks have been hard, but…” he trailed off, Charlie raising his chin to look at Nick. “You’ve helped,” Nick said, simply. “You’ve helped me in every way. Like…the physical stuff of actually healing,” he touched Charlie’s hands, rubbing over them with his warm, calloused fingers. “The mental stuff of getting through all of this,” this time, he touched Charlie’s forehead, smoothing his thumb over the faint line in his forehead. “And then helping me see more of who I am,” he said softly, touching Charlie’s chest over his heart, making Charlie ache with fondness. “And now I feel…I feel so much better about what will happen when I am done. Or if I do get injured again.” Nick laughed as he and Charlie reached back to knock on the headboard at the same time. “You helped me with that,” he said, snuggling Charlie closer. “You’re always doing that for me - helping me be my best. You are my Prince Char-ming.” Charlie had been pressed into the soft groove between Nick’s trap and collarbone, snuggling against this wonderful man. He sighed deeply at the last sentence, the sound muffled. Nick laughed lightly and went on. “And, like - I know all of that so much better, from all that you’ve done, and Lucy’s done, and my mum’s done. But rugby is still such a part of me. And I can’t fucking wait for Saturday, Char.” Charlie raised his head and met Nick’s eyes, reveling in the pure, deep joy he saw there.

“I get to play again.”

-

Before they knew it, it was Saturday, the weekend of the Easter match. Many families were just arriving that morning, Amy’s included. Charlie stood with Nick in the tunnel, Nick getting a special welcome back from the PA announcer. Before he was called to the pitch, Nick turned to Charlie, pulling him in closely by the waist. “For luck?” he murmured. Charlie didn’t hesitate, pressing himself close and dropping his medikit with a clunk to wrap his arms around Nick’s neck, kissing him hard. The announcers called the Badgers, and the team took off, running out the tunnel entrance. Charlie released Nick and stepped back. Nick gave Charlie a wink, then squared his shoulders as the announcer welcomed back, after a 5-week hiatus, assistant captain Nicholas Nelson, to wild cheers from the crowd.

It was time. Nick was back. 

They were playing Gloucester, who they hadn’t played in some time, and it was a nice match for Nick to come back to. Gloucester was closer to the bottom of the table this year and with where the Badgers sat before the first leg of the Heineken Cup the following week, it didn’t actually matter if they won or lost. Nick was itching to win, of course, and Charlie wanted it for him too, so badly. They hadn’t won the Premiership Rugby table or competition, but had come in at a respectable second, which would put them in a good spot for the upcoming international tournament. The following week, they’d find out who they drew in the first and second legs of the Championship, in an increasingly nail-biting round of matches that eventually narrowed down to one championship fixture. 

Charlie watched with pride as Nick took the field, giving gratified nods and waves to the crowd before warming up, talking to his teammates, stretching his perfectly honed butt, and consulting with the referee alongside Wilco and the opposing team’s captains. They shook hands, completed all the pre-match revelry, and the game kicked off. 

The Badgers received the ball to start and immediately raced into attack. The ball was recycled wide to find Seamus, who pitched it to Danny, allowing him to score a neat try in the corner two minutes in. Charlie looked at Amy and grinned. This was the start they were hoping for.

Danny missed the conversation unfortunately, and Gloucester was able to tuck in a kick from the tee to bring the score to 5-3. But the Badgers circled up after the kick and Charlie could see the determination in their faces as they broke and took their positions again. The next phase was a physical one, the Badgers aggressively pushing their way up the field, breaking tackles or getting bogged down and passing the ball off. Nick ended up with the ball after a long ruck and drove towards the try line, moving fast. Charlie could see three defenders converging and his heart leapt into his throat for a moment, but Nick went low, sliding through the players on a long skid across the try line, popping up with a look of wild celebration on his face. The crowd and team went mad, and Charlie let out a slow breath before Amy grabbed him and squealed, jumping in celebration. He’d have to get used to the idea of Nick not being hurt, and learn to not fear him getting injured again. Nick neatly kicked for the two points, and the Badgers celebrated their 12-3 lead.

A 50-22 set the Badgers up in an excellent position on the pitch, and this time, a messy ruck pushed its way over the try line, with Will awarded the score this time. This time, Gloucester was able to come by with a hard push through to earn a try between the sticks, though they missed the conversion. The half ended at 19-8, a decent lead for the Badgers, but one that still felt too close. 

Nick gave the last 30-second half-time speech before they went back out, proclaiming how fucking proud he was of this team and to get to be part of it. The lads broke with a massive cheer, and re-took the field. Before the ball kicked off again, Amy nudged Charlie’s shoulder and gestured to one of the boxes, where Charlie could make out a group of five large, red-headed men and one tiny woman. Clearly, Amy’s family was there. Charlie couldn’t wait to talk to them after the match. 

The Badgers kicked off and Gloucester started in on an aggressive phase, the team clearly ready to go after the half. Their scrum-half put on an amazing run, breaking several tackles to pitch the ball off to their center. The Badgers hit back with a solid try from Danny, a miss-pass from Lunker sending him over the line. The conversion pushed the Badgers to 26-15, still an uncomfortably tight match. With several scores back and forth, tempers flared a bit, and the tackles got harder and incrementally higher. Charlie felt flickers of anxiety any time Nick had the ball, but he knew it was something he had to work on letting go of. Nick wasn’t fragile. He was recovered, and they had both done all they could to get him as healthy and strong as possible. After one questionably high hit on Wilco, Seamus pulled the player off and gave him a shove, both him and the player receiving penalties. 

Gloucester cut the gap to just 7 points with a score from their scrum-half, earning the extras as well. But the Badgers kept their head down, and Nick picked up a neat pass from Will on the half-break to race under the posts and score, the crowd going wild. He shot a glowing look at Charlie as he jogged back into position, blowing what Charlie knew was a kiss over his gum guard. Even though kisses blown over gum guards always looked inherently ridiculous, Charlie still loved it and winked back. 

The Badgers were able to hold onto their narrow lead, the match ending at 38-31. The Badgers celebrated with each other after the match on the pitch, the tenor and intensity of the celebration significantly higher once they were in the tunnel.

Charlie pushed his way over to Nick, Nick turning as he approached with sheer joy on his face. Charlie dropped his kit and threw his arms around Nick, Nick responding with so much enthusiasm that he lifted Charlie off his feet and swung him in a clumsy arc. Charlie laughed and once Nick put him down, gave him a quick kiss. 

“You are amazing, Nick,” said Charlie, giving him one more embrace and whispering it against his ear. He drew back to see Nick’s delighted expression before Charlie melted back away to tend to his players and wrap up after the fixture. Nick won Badger Bill, and Charlie winced to think of that disease vector in their place for two days, shedding particles of god-knows-what was in the fur until Bill mercifully went back to the stadium when they returned. 

After the match, there was a family reception at a hotel nearby, with the Easter brunch to follow the next day as well. Since the players didn’t have extended time off for Easter, families had to come to them if they wanted to celebrate, and there were quite a few that had made their way to Leeds. Amy’s entire family was there, of course, along with a host of others - James with his dad and sister, Decker with his wife, parents, and in-laws, and many others. Charlie’s family hadn’t been able to make it up this year, as Charlie’s grandma was miffed enough that they hadn’t been around for Christmas Day. Sarah was coming in late to stay with Nick and Charlie so she could attend the Sunday team brunch, with plans to depart in the early afternoon to see David as well. 

It was clear as soon as they walked in who Amy’s family was - the group of mostly-bright red headed people who all already had beers in hand. Charlie remembered some hazy details about her brothers, but was utterly lost when it came to exactly who was who. He’d only met her parents and two of the brothers, and briefly at that. He and Nick had barely walked in when Amy’s dad caught his eye and waved him over, beaming. He was a massive man, both tall and burly, with an enormous red and gray beard. He might look intimidating, but Charlie remembered that he was one of the kindest men that he’d ever met, just a total sweetheart. Sometimes when she was deep in one of her full menace eras (which was a solid 88% of the time), Charlie wondered where it got lost on the way to Amy. 

“Charlie!” her dad bellowed, extending a hand. He seized Charlie’s hand, shook it enthusiastically for a moment,and then pulled him in for a crushing hug. “Good to see you, so good.”

“Hey Mr. Jameson,” said Charlie, grinning after he was released. “Easy trip in?”

“Cliff,” Amy’s dad corrected with a smile. “Oh, yes, very good, very easy. We’re just so glad all the boys got in, too. D’ya remember everyone?”

Cliff introduced (or re-introduced, Charlie had no idea which ones he had or had not met) all of Amy’s brothers, going down the line, pointing out Chris, Jake, Thomas, and Nathan, each only a year or two apart. All of them were involved in hockey or medicine in some way, which really made sense as Amy’s mum was a doctor and her father had been a stay-at-home hockey dad, hauling all of the Jameson siblings to and from endless practices and games. Chris was the next-youngest after Amy and did marketing for the Marlies, which Charlie inferred was some sort of hockey team, although the name made him think of some sort of awesome girl band where they were all named Marlie. That would be awesome to do marketing for. Jake was the lead athletic trainer for a Juniors league hockey team and was apparently going to stay in Britain for a few months now that his team’s season had ended. Thomas was a nurse in Toronto, and the oldest, Nathan, both coached youth hockey and was apparently the mayor of his town in Newfoundland. 

“He’s the mayor?!” Charlie repeated, amazed. 

Amy had sidled up during this time and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be too impressed,” she said dryly. “It’s Newfoundland. The competition was between him and a dog. Literally. And it was fairly close.”

Nathan must have overhead and made his way over, grinning. “Don’t listen to AJ,” he said. “It was between me and another guy and a dog, and I won by a landslide of 207 votes.” It took Charlie a second to realize AJ must be what they called Amy, just combining her initials. He grinned again at Charlie. “How’s she cuttin’, me cocky?” He was a spitting image of their dad, looking even more stereotypically Canadian to Charlie in a red and black flannel, and Charlie had absolutely no idea what he had just said.

Charlie looked at Nathan, confused, and then back at Amy and her dad. “Come again?”

Nathan and Amy both laughed before Amy explained a little. “Nate here likes to pretend he’s a native Newfie - he moved there to play hockey in a Juniors league when he was 16 and just never left. He Sham-Wow’ed up their idiosyncrasies like a little culture-stealing sponge. He asked how you were in the dumbest way possible to show off how weird he is now.”

Amy’s dad and Nate both laughed. Nate took a swig of his beer. “Who knit ya, AJ? It’s who I am now. A born-again native of The Rock. You’re the come from away, not me.”

Amy rolled her eyes laughed. “You’re a hoser.”

Charlie had about a 14% idea of what Amy, her dad, and her brother were talking about for most of the conversation, but Nate was hilarious regardless, even though Charlie wished he came with subtitles. Nick eventually joined them, their group changing a few times as various brothers and parents worked in and out. 

After a while, Charlie and Nick found themselves in conversation with Jake, the medic for the Junior hockey team. He was easy to talk to, knowledgeable and friendly and with a good sense of humor just like his family. He asked Nick a few questions about his injury and how it felt to play again today, having heard a lot from Amy. Jake complimented both Nick and Charlie for Nick’s return, saying that Amy had told him how tight the whole team was and how invested everyone was in each others’ welfare. 

“It’s a great group of people,” Charlie agreed. “Everyone who’s here now is like - who’s supposed to be here. Everyone really cares, too.”

“Yeah, I can feel that,” said Jake. “It’s harder with Junior teams, you know, since the goal is to move on and go somewhere else - elite colleges, go to the pros, all that. It can get pretty competitive; guys trying to outshine each other. Doesn’t seem like that here.” 

“It’s not,” said Nick. “I’ve been on Premiership teams where it’s more of that mentality, but not here. Part of it is Wilco, the captain. He’s a great leader.”

Jake nodded. “Seems like it.” He glanced over at Seamus for a moment, then looked back at Charlie and Nick. “What about that one? I’ve heard a bit about him,” he said, his eyes mischievous. 

Nick cocked his head and made a show of feeling around his pockets. “Oh, sorry you lot, getting a call.” He picked up his clearly not ringing phone and said into the black screen, “Yes, Prime Minister? Why yes, I understand this is a matter of national security; yes, let’s talk now for a long time.” He walked away, still babbling into his blank phone. Charlie glared at his back as he retreated. How was one of the most physically and emotionally brave men he knew also such a giant baby? 

Jake laughed. “Well, Charlie? What are your opinions of assistant captain O'Reilly over there?”

Charlie was honest. “He’s truly a great person. He’s a good player, a better teammate, and has been a huge support to both Nick and me - and all of the younger guys on the team, too.” He wasn’t sure what Jake knew, so went on. “Like when me and Nick told everyone we were dating?” Here, Jake nodded, like he was fully read in and unsurprised by the revelation, “He was right there with Wilco, telling the other guys that if they didn’t support us, they were welcome to look for another team. He’s one of Nick’s closest friends and a good one of mine. He’s genuinely great.”

Jake smiled. “That’s good to hear. Is he boning my sister?”

Charlie had just taken a swallow of his beer and choked on it, coughing and spluttering. “Jesus, Jake,” he said, wheezing. 

Jake laughed, loudly. “Sorry about that, Charlie.”

Charlie shook his head, grinning. He should have expected chaos muppetry from anyone related to Amy. They chatted a bit longer before Charlie excused himself to go find the six-foot-two toddler that was his boyfriend. He found him, looking sheepish by the bar and proffering a vodka soda for Charlie. 

“Your favorite drink?” he offered with a guilty smile. 

“You are the patron saint of wusses,” Charlie informed him, taking the drink and rolling his eyes. “I can assure you I won’t be fondling your balls the next time we have sex as they seem to have trotted off without you.”

Nick laughed and moved closer to Charlie along the bar, running his hand up Charlie’s arm until he slid it into the curve of Charlie’s neck. He leaned in close and brushed his lips again Charlie’s ear. “I’m sorry, love. Maybe I can make it up to you tomorrow afternoon? Easter is all about ‘he who has risen’, right? Reckon I can make something…rise?”

Charlie, who had been melting into Nick’s touch and warm breath, snorted and gave Nick a playful push against his chest. “You are utterly absurd. And maybe also destined for hell?”

“As long as it’s with you,” murmured Nick, pressing a quick kiss on Charlie’s cheek before moving back to a more respectable distance. “I also figured I’d get Seamus a drink. He’s gonna need it.”

“Yeah,” said Charlie with a laugh. “Wager on how long it’ll take him to go over to talk to Amy’s family?”

“Easily another ten minutes and two drinks,” said Nick thoughtfully. 

“I won’t bet against that,” agreed Charlie. 

A few minutes later, a slightly subdued Seamus found the both of them, gratefully accepting the drink that Nick pushed over.

“All right, Shea?” asked Charlie. 

“All right, yeah,” said Seamus with a brave attempt at a smile. He took a heavy slug of the drink Nick got him.

Nick shot Charlie a quick wink. “Shea is just working up the nerve to go talk to Amy’s brothers, yeah?”

“I’m not working up the nerve. I’m completely fine. In fact, I’ll go and talk to them right now.” Seamus said this with his feet firmly planted, hand clutching his glass, looking massively uninspired and unwilling to move. 

Charlie smiled to himself. “I’ve gotten a chance to talk to all of them a bit,” he said. “Want to come over with me and I’ll introduce you?”

Seamus gave him a quick but earnest nod. “Yeah, thanks, Springtime. Always good to have a little team support, you know?” He squared his shoulders as if in preparation and looked at Nick. “Nelson, you coming too?”

Nick picked up his phone, again un-ringing. “Mum? It’s you? Yes, I did see the first Avatar movie, let me describe it to you word by word so you’re prepared for the sequel.” He edged off again, making a cartoonish apologetic expression at Charlie and Seamus and waving his hand at his phone in a can you believe this timing? kind of way.

Charlie sighed, smirking, and Seamus closed his eyes and shook his head. “That guy is sometimes the worst. I swear to god, Charlie, when you have sex with him do you have to put a bag over his personality?”

Charlie burst out laughing. “Oh my goddddd, I am using that.” He also had a tiny flicker of weird joy that Seamus would rib him about anything physical with Nick. The hetero lads did it all the time with each other, of course, and it was nice that there was nothing ‘weird’ or ‘gross’ about him and Nick that was off-limits to joke about, beyond the sheer amount of PDA that they tended to show.

Both helpfully and terrifyingly (for Seamus), all of the brothers were gathered together, and Charlie and Seamus made their way over.

“All right, you must be Seamus, eh?” asked one brother. Chris? Thomas? It was hard to tell. Those two looked like they could be twins and Charlie honestly couldn’t really tell them apart. 

“Yeah, nice to meet you, mate,” said Seamus, gripping his drink tightly with one hand and extending the other in greeting.

Whichever brother it was took Seamus’s hand and gave what looked like a firm squeeze back. “What else did you play growing up? Any hockey?”

“Uh, no, just, uh-“

“Lacrosse at all? Field, box?” asked Nate, stepping closer. 

“Box? Like - boxing?”

“Box lacrosse?” This was Chris/Thomas again, but the opposite one from before. 

“I, uh-“

“You had a nice apple out there today, I saw,” said Nate. 

“An apple? Like, ate one…?”

“Saw you on the field, guy, you laid out a few aggressive tackles today, eh?” This one was Jake, the medic.  

“Well, yeah, just as part of defense, I guess, but-“

“Got in a little shoving match with that one hoser too after that play, too,” said a Chromas amalgamation brother, giving Seamus an appraising look. 

“Well he went after Wilco with that low tackle, yeah, so I had to set him straight,” said Seamus, finding his voice a little. He took a breath. “Listen, I know - I know you want to check out anyone who’s dating your sister, right? I get it. I’ve got a sister and would want to make sure any person she was dating was a good one.”

Nate raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “Oh? And you think women need the permission of their male relatives to approve of who they’re dating?” The other brothers rearranged themselves similarly, Jake scowling a little and the collection of Thomas/Chris looking disapproving. 

Charlie could actually see the color leave Seamus’s face. “God, no - I…not at all, like - no, women don’t need, like, permission at all, especially Amy - or my sister. I just meant, uh-“

Nate and the other brothers burst out laughing. “Just chirping you, you beauty. Charlie here already vouched for you.” Seamus shot Charlie a deeply grateful look. 

Mid-laugh, Jake sobered and pointed his beer bottle at Seamus. “But no fuckin’ around, eh? AJ doesn’t need our permission or approval of anything but you’re going to be a good person, right?”

“I - yeah,” said Seamus. “She’s…she deserves only good people in her life. And I’d like to keep being part of it. So…yeah.”

“Good,” said Jake. “And honestly, she didn’t tell us anything about you beyond the team stuff. We just wanted to find out if you two were dating based on what we picked up. So thanks for that, buddy,” said Jake cheerfully. Charlie saw Seamus swallow and shoot a quick, nervous look over at Amy, who smiled from across the room. 

Nate gave another approving nod. “Loves it, buddy. Now Seamus, I know your family isn’t here this weekend, is that right?” Seamus shook his head. “Great, time for an absolute gong show tonight then, eh? Let’s do a shot.” Nate led Seamus away, his eyes only widening a little. Charlie gave him a tiny wave of his fingers under his chin and laughed, going to find Nick. 

Charlie and Nick stayed longer than they intended at the bar, making it back to beat Sarah to Nick’s house by just a few minutes. She was tired but happy to be there, giving them both warm hugs as Nellie pushed between legs, nosing for pats. There was a few minutes of warm cross-talk and Nellie cuddles before Nick made them all tea and they settled down on the couch, Charlie opting for one of the armchairs so Nick and his mum could sit on the couch together. 

“Easy trip, mum?”

“Yes, darling, thanks for asking. Today was mad at work, but I listened to that podcast you recommended, Charlie - that funny one?”

“Oh, My Dad Wrote a Porno?! Isn’t it incredibly hilarious?”

“I beg your pardon?!”

“Don’t be so uptight, Nicky darling, it’s just silly.”

Nick shot Charlie a half-amused, half-horrified look. “You’re a menace.”

“What?” Charlie giggled. “You thought it was piss-your-pants funny.”

Nick sighed. “I didn’t think you’d get my mum on it.” 

“Oh stop, Nicky, it’s not as if I’m the one writing erotica.”

Nick closed his eyes. “This is my hell.” Charlie and Sarah exchanged a laughing look; they delighted on ganging up on Nick.

They stayed up for a bit, with All Creatures Great and Small in the background and Charlie passing around a tin of biscuits as they laughed and talked. Charlie and Nick were overdue for some fun, but with Sarah in the house, they knew they had to wait until after she left the following afternoon. They settled for a cuddly make-out instead, staying on the couch like a pair of secondary students after she went to bed. 

Sarah woke up early the next morning, and Nellie immediately borked and boofed at Nick and Charlie’s door until Nick got up to let her in. They rose soon after, and all bundled up for a walk before kissing Nellie goodbye and heading to the stadium, this time to the Hall of Fame room. The team had set up a truly lovely Easter brunch for out of town families and players without family in town. The room was filled with round, well-set tables covered in nice tablecloths and flowers, which family members were encouraged to take home after the event. 

Charlie, Nick, and Sarah settled at a table with Tex and Hunter, who had come up very late the previous evening. They’d done this to mollify their mother, who was devastated to hear that originally the brothers were going to spend the holiday apart. Sarah fawned over both of them and their accents, and Charlie could see that Tex and Hunter were both immediately smitten in the same way he was when he met her, just drawn in by her warmth and kindness. 

Others came in as they all drank mimosas and chatted, including James and his family, who Charlie hadn’t gotten a chance to see the previous evening. They were at a table with Danny and a few other stray players without family in town, Danny and James next to one another. Amy and her family came in a little later, followed by Seamus, who looked to Charlie a little haggard. After the luncheon, everyone stayed to keep talking and mingling. Sarah ended up connecting with Annette and Wilco and their kids, and Charlie and Nick found Seamus by the bar, holding a fizzy water and grimacing. 

“All right, mate?” asked Nick, clapping Seamus on the shoulder. 

Seamus winced a little at both the sound and the touch. “I’m dying. These Canadians, they’re trying to kill me.”

Charlie and Nick laughed. “Did Amy’s brothers drag you out?”

Seamus nodded. “Those guys are monsters. I mean - I can hold my own. But they just…kept…going. And they are so fucking good at drinking games. I had no chance.”

Charlie glanced over at the table of Jamesons, a burst of laughter coming from the brothers at something Cliff said. “They seem okay to me,” said Charlie, smirking. 

“That’s because their blood is mostly beer to keep them warm up there,” groaned Seamus.

Nick laughed. “Did they seem to like you?”

“I think so? They said I was a beauty, which I think is a good thing, said I have great lettuce, which I don’t know if that’s a good thing, and only called me a pigeon once, which Amy said is good to try to minimize.”

“Sounds like a win?”

Seamus nodded. “I’ll definitely take it.”

The three of them spoke for a little longer before Nick and Charlie went to make their rounds again. Tex and Hunter made their way over to Amy and her brothers while Amy’s parents spoke to Sarah, Amy’s mum and Sarah seeming to have an immediate connection which made sense with the medical field overlap. Nick and Charlie joined the siblings- meeting group long enough to hear Amy’s brothers asking Hunter about drag and laughing uproariously as Hunter told them some of his favorite drag names. 

They drifted back off to try to find Sarah, their view blocked by Danny and James with James’s dad. James’s dad gestured towards James, he and Danny breaking into laughter at whatever he had said. James rolled his eyes and turned away with a grin, and Charlie saw James’s dad put his hand on Danny’s shoulder and give him a genuine smile as they spoke, both of them looking at James who had gone to get a drink. Charlie knew that he knew Danny and James were together, and after initial surprise, he was happy for both of them, knowing Danny well from when the boys played uni rugby together. 

Charlie glanced over at Nick, catching him looking at the same scene with a soft, wistful expression on his face that pulled a little at Charlie’s heart. He slipped his arm behind Nick’s back and spoke quietly. “You okay, love?”

Nick tried to put on a smile, but it slipped. “Yeah.” Charlie waited. “I mean…yeah. It’s just - seeing James’s dad with Danny. I wish…I wish it was different. With my dad. You know?”

Oh, this man. This man he loved so much. Charlie drew him a little closer and squeezed his hand on Nick’s side before bringing it to his back to rub gentle circles. “I know,” he said simply.

“I know you do,” said Nick, laying his head on top of Charlie’s for a moment. He took a breath and Charlie’s hand, and they went back into the crowd together. 

Besides that moment, the brunch was lovely. Sarah gushed about everyone she had met on the car ride back to their place and saying conspiratorially that she thought there was something between Amy and that handsome dark-haired assistant captain based on the looks between them. They spent an hour back at the house before Sarah had to go, taking Nellie to the park together to throw the ball before Sarah packed back up to drive to see David for the afternoon. She knew all of the conversations going on between Nick and David, and told Nick how proud she was of him for all the work he was doing. 

It was so lovely to see Sarah and get to have her join the family weekend. But as they waved her off, Sarah returning the gesture through the rear window until they couldn’t see her anymore, Charlie could feel the heat off of Nick as he sidled up behind Charlie to wrap his arms around him. As soon as her brake lights were out of sight, Nick tightened his hands against Charlie and pulled him back inside over the threshold, Charlie squeaking a little in surprise. Once they were in and the door was closed, Charlie flipped around, grabbed Nick by the shirt, and pushed him against the wall.

“Eager, baby?” Charlie nosed against Nick and purred against his neck in the way that he knew drove Nick crazy.

Nick breathed a shaky sigh, Charlie’s attentions on his throat and ear already affecting him. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Come join me in the shower in five?”

“Yeah,” agreed Charlie, running his hand down Nick’s shirt and popping open one of his buttons with his thumbnail. Nick shivered a little. “Don’t get started without me, though,” he said with a wink and a brush against Nick’s semi-hard dick. 

“Mrpfff,” Nick agreed, ever loquacious. 

When Charlie joined him a few minutes later, Nick nearly tackled him against the wall of the shower, pressing his hips against Charlie’s and grinding himself on Charlie’s hip and stomach, already turned on. Charlie was right there with him, the previous two days without any hanky panky just having whetted their appetites for each other. They fumbled through their shower, Charlie haphazardly washing himself, aided by a very eager and terribly inefficient shower attendant who was decidedly more focused on some areas than others. They wrapped up and toweled off quickly, Nick pushing back Charlie’s wet curls roughly with his fingers.

“Will you fuck me tonight?” asked Nick in a low voice, tangling his fingers in Charlie’s hair for a minute and tugging the way he knew Charlie liked.

“God, yes,” said Charlie, closing his eyes and letting out a soft moan. “Fuck yes. I want to make you feel good, baby.” Nicks released his hair and Charlie backed away, pulling Nick along with him, all the way to the third bedroom with the mirrored alcove. 

Charlie pushed Nick towards the wide padded bench and sat him down on it, standing with his feet wide to straddle Nick’s legs. Nick looked up at him with a lusty grin, reaching to take Charlie’s dick in his hand, but Charlie shook his head. “I have - an idea. Remember when we tried to 69 a few weeks ago and it was like - not the best?” Nick laughed and nodded. They’d both struggled to get leverage laying on the bed, and ended up feeling like a couple of amorous slugs more than horny twenty-somethings with actual muscles. “Lay back on the bench, okay?” Nick did so, his back along the bench and his knees opened wide, hips on one end. Charlie went to the other end of the bench, standing above Nick’s head for a moment, kissing him upside-down before he did anything else.

“Spider-Man kiss,” whispered Nick, making both of them dissolve into giggles for a second.

“Shut up, this is sexy,” laughed Charlie, kissing Nick once more before standing back up. The top of Nick’s head was even with the other end of the bench. Charlie stood wide and leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Nick’s hips. Like this, Nick would have amazing access to Charlie’s dick, and Charlie could lean forward to take Nick in his mouth while he propped himself up on his hands. Hopefully they could vindicate their prior experience with a better set-up this time. 

Nick had his hands a bit more free than Charlie, and as Charlie got himself into position, bending his knees a little, Nick’s hands were already all over him. He caressed over Charlie’s hips and thighs, making Charlie groan before he even took Nick into his mouth. 

“Yes, that feels so good, Nick, mmm…”

“Yeah?” murmured Nick in his gravelly voice that Charlie loved. “What about…” He lifted his head a little and took Charlie in his mouth, Charlie letting out a little high-pitched sound. 

“Fuck, yes,” said Charlie, drawing out both words. He felt into the sensations for a minute before remembering what he wanted to do and leaned forward. Nick really had chosen this bench perfectly, whether it was authentic planning or kismet. It was a good height for this, and if either of them was on their hands and knees. Which they’d done. Several times. 

Charlie freed one hand to take Nick’s cock and slip it into his mouth, sliding over the head and making Nick stop his oral attention on Charlie for a moment as he moaned in pleasure. Charlie went a little deeper, keeping Nick in his mouth but changing the depth and the hollow of his cheeks, his hands busy holding him up. At the same time, Nick was all over him, mostly with his mouth but sometimes losing the plot when Charlie did something that felt particularly amazing, just like Charlie kept doing too. It felt like waves, where Charlie would get lost in his own pleasure for a minute, then focus on making Nick feel as good as possible, then ebbing back to Charlie’s sensations again. 

The combination of Nick’s sounds, his attention on Charlie, and being able to see Nick taking him into his mouth was so much, and after a couple of minutes, Charlie reluctantly pulled away from Nick, Nick making a whiny, desperate sound as Charlie stood up. Charlie moved back to the other end of the bench and ran his hands down Nick’s body, skimming past his pecs and abs, tracing his fingers in circles against Nick’s inner thighs, making Nick squirm pleasurably. 

“Get on your hands and knees for me, baby,” said Charlie, Nick looking at him with blown-out eyes. He did so, wriggling a little in anticipation as Charlie got the lube from the wooden shelves. He made another whining sound as Charlie knelt behind him, rubbing his hands over Nick’s muscular glutes and lower back, working his fingers into Nick’s hip creases.

“Please, Charlie,” begged Nick. “God, I fucking want to feel you.”

Charlie smirked and uncapped the lube. “Needy tonight?”

“Fuck. Yes. Need you.”

Charlie gently bit one of Nick’s cheeks and Nick moaned again, arching his back. “Need you, too.” 

Charlie slowly entered Nick with his finger, working up to two and three and reveling in how he could make Nick feel even during this part. They always took their time with prep to make sure they were both comfortable, but also liked it as another part of making each other feel good, taking their time for pleasure in the preparation, too. Nick was pressing back against Charlie’s fingers, making a needy sound each time he pushed back. “Char,” he breathed, meeting Charlie’s eyes in one of the mirrors. “Want you so much.”

“Yeah, baby?” said Charlie, tapping forward with his fingers to make Nick make a breathy, high-pitched sound as he brushed against his prostate once before carefully easing out, Nick whining again. “Get up by the shelves.”

Nick got up and went to the wooden shelves, gripping one of the ones by his shoulders. Charlie came behind him, pressing himself against Nick’s back and running his nails down Nick’s torso, then running them back up Nick’s back until his hands landed in his hair. He tightened his hands for a minute in Nick’s still-wet hair, making Nick gasp and draw his head back. “Fuck, I love that Charlie, god.” Charlie kissed Nick’s shoulder and put one of his feet on one of the lowest shelves, making the heights work out perfectly. He held himself in his hand and lined himself up, Nick already arching his back a little in anticipation. Charlie pressed himself in and Nick made an absolutely sinful sound that made Charlie lay his cheek against Nick’s back for a moment as he felt himself nudge inside. 

“All good?”

“Mm, so good,” murmured Nick, reaching his hand behind for a minute to grip Charlie’s ass, palming the muscle and digging in with his fingers. “Keep going…”

Charlie went deeper, pushing another sound out of Nick and making him momentarily think that he wasn’t going to last long if Nick kept making noises like that. The shower and the bench had been a long tease, and Charlie was just as eager as Nick. With Nick’s cues, he bottomed out, using the foot against the low shelf as leverage to press himself up and at a little bit of an angle, which was working for Nick based on the little cries he was letting out every time Charlie thrust up. Charlie gripped onto Nick’s shoulder with one hand, and with the other, braced himself against Nick’s stomach, pressing in hard and grinding close on the upstroke. Nick was moaning and grunting as Charlie drew up into him again and again.

Charlie let his hand not bracing Nick’s shoulder run up his body, gliding along Nick’s side and up his back, tracing his neck. He eventually landed in Nick’s hair and Nick leaned his head back, the sharp outline of his Adam’s apple standing out. 

“Char…will you - pull, a little, yeah…” Nick drew his head even further back, Charlie nearly combusting, looking at this in the mirror. Charlie laced his hand into Nick’s hair and gave a sharp tug, Nick letting out a breathy, high-pitched groan that shot straight through Charlie’s body. He whined himself, pulling Nick’s hair every time he thrust up.

“Nick…” he said, his voice raspy. “I’m close.” He took his hand off Nick’s shoulder. He took Nick’s hand and guided it toward Nick’s cock, wordlessly telling him to touch himself. 

Nick just moaned in response and worked himself, lolling his head back again for Charlie to pull hard into his hair. Charlie gave a few more powerful thrusts and then he was coming, tangling his fingers deeper and tightening his grip as he did. He finished and stayed in Nick as Nick redoubled his attention on himself, coming a minute later, clenching against Charlie’s dick in a fine line between pleasure and pain with how sensitive Charlie was. They both sighed when Charlie gently pulled out, and Nick turned Charlie to wrap him in his arms, staying there gently swaying for a few seconds before their second rinse of the afternoon. 

All in all, not a bad Easter. 

-

On Monday, Charlie and Nick got back home to see a Priority mail envelope on the counter. They had both nearly forgotten about the article, and Nick took it when Charlie handed it to him, his hands trembling a little. Charlie and Nick read it together, processing and tearing up and holding each other as needed. They’d sent it to Sarah and Charlie’s parents, and all of them had talked about how powerful it was to see Nick talk about his journey in sport. The interview had ended up running for several pages, but it was the first page that Charlie kept returning to over and over, struck by the raw honesty and beauty in Nick’s words. 

Not a Phase: Coming Out in Professional Rugby  

Interviewing Nick Nelson, first openly out player currently in Premiership Rugby

Bill Winters

Nick Nelson hands me a tea in the kitchen of his three-story townhome, having anxiously asked how I take it and making sure to get it right. We sat down together recently to speak more about being the first out active player in Premiership Rugby. Mr Nelson is reflective when he thinks about the trajectory of his life over the last couple of years, leading up to this year where he surprised the league when he opened up about dating his boyfriend. 

“A few years ago, I was living my dream,” says Mr Nelson, 26. “I was starting for a professional rugby team. I had teammates who I got on well with, I had a mum who was incredibly supportive and proud of my achievements. I knew I was talented at my game and I got paid to play it. I had gotten to go out to incredible places and incredible events, and you’d look at my life and think, wow, what a lucky guy, right? And I was. And I am. But I was also - I was in a tough place.”

Mr Nelson described those years in alternating fond and heartbreaking language. He spoke to the highs of professional sport and his achievements, though it’s clear that at the same time, he was struggling with keeping parts of himself hidden. 

“I was on top of the world in so many ways,” says Mr Nelson. “But at the same time - I was also more frustrated and angry and sad than I’d ever felt before. I’d had…I’d known that I liked men as well as women as far back as secondary school, and probably earlier if I was honest with myself. But you don’t see that at all in the league. You don’t hear about it beyond, you know, people making jokes about it, like after a hard tackle, like ‘oh, he must like you’, that kind of stuff. It seemed clear that there was no space for both professional rugby and anything other than heterosexuality. So I…I pushed it down. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep unless I took a Xanax, nights when I honestly cried myself to sleep.”

Mr Nelson sits quietly for a moment with his tea before continuing. “Even saying that feels hard - like, there might be judgment for that. There’s been such a mentality in sport about toughness, and showing emotions other than anger being signs of weakness. But you know, the players on my team that consistently bring their best game are the ones who are comfortable and confident with themselves and are open about their strengths and weaknesses. About their sport, yeah, but also about themselves as people.”

We speak a bit more about Mr Nelson’s experience with therapy and team psychology before Mr Nelson returns to that darker period of his life. “I was…I felt like I was trapped. I was living in a false narrative. I couldn’t see a way that both things could be true - that I couldn’t be both a professional rugby player and a bisexual man. I’d have to wait until I was done with rugby to be that part of myself.” Mr Nelson gives a rueful laugh. “I truly thought I could just shut down that part of myself and still be fine. It took a long time to realize that I couldn’t do that, either. I couldn’t ‘turn off’ part of myself and not be impacted. So I felt incredibly trapped. I couldn’t be bi and a pro rugby player. I couldn’t be straight and be myself. There were - there were moments I literally fantasized about changing my name. Running away. Disappearing and starting again. I was so desperately worried that if I showed people who I really was, they’d be disgusted. They’d leave, they’d hate me, I’d be out of the league, my family would turn on me.”

Mr Nelson takes a moment to compose himself, breaking from our interview to speak with his partner, Charlie Spring. Mr Spring, 25, is a physiotherapist for the Leeds Badgers and the two met when Mr Nelson was traded to the team. 

“The tipping point was meeting someone that made it clear that I couldn’t ignore who I was and truly be happy,” says Mr Nelson, referring to Mr Spring. “I realized…that I can’t choose which parts of who I am to flip on or off. It was a journey of self-acceptance. It was a process that was unfortunately accelerated when there was some information released to the team letting them know that Charlie and I were dating.”

Mr Nelson explains that a former staffer sent the team pictures of him and Mr Spring together.

“That was…terrifying,” Mr Nelson says. “Coming out felt like standing on a precipice, and this was a shove over the edge. I kept expecting that it was falling off a cliff and the impact would be terrible. But what Charlie and I found was how many people caught us. The team, the coaches, many members of our family, and nearly all of our fans. I was honestly in disbelief about it for a while, but I found - we found that you can be in sport and be bi, or be gay, or be things other than what you always think you see.”

Mr Nelson is reflective when he thinks about the impact of being the first openly out player in the league. “As I said, nearly all of our fans and everyone in our lives have been supportive. I think most people have seen me as the same player and person. I just happen to date a man. I’ve decided to speak more publicly about it because I want people to know that like we said, whoever you are, there’s a place for you in rugby. I’m bisexual. I’m dating a person I love, who is a man. That doesn’t impact how I play. It doesn’t change anything for my teammates or our team. I’m still Nick. I’m a lot of things. One of those is that I play rugby. The other is that I am bisexual. And I want anyone who feels like a little bit of an ‘other’ and wonders if there’s a place for them - there is. Be yourself. All parts of yourself. It’s one life to live. Why not live all parts of who you are?”

The article went on to speak more about the Badgers team, coaches, and leadership and how they’d reacted to the news and supported Nick, as well as Nick talking more specifically around how Lucy’s support had been instrumental. That was equally lovely, but Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about that opening page. He turned to Nick after they finished and tried to put into words how monumental it was that Nick had chosen to do. He had opened up the part of his life that had at times tortured him, pulled him apart, spiraled with dark shame. He’d used his position and his privilege to buck people’s expectations of what sport was supposed to be, or what he was supposed to be. He’d helped someone. They may never know who or how or the size of the impact, but he’d provided an entirely new perspective on who could be in sport and what they could look like or be or love. He was so, so brave. Charlie whispered those words over Nick over and over, holding Nick through his tears, a combination of relief and joy and nerves and release.

And this time, he thought Nick finally believed it, too. 

Chapter Text

The day after Easter, the team text chat exploded when Lunker sent a picture of him and Emma, her hand on his chest sparkling with the engagement ring the team had (largely unhelpfully) workshopped. Nick and Charlie joined in all of the congratulations, and Charlie was a mole in a hastily-constructed plan, pulling Lunker after training for a fake check-in. That allowed the team time to decorate his stall with balloons, bottles of alcohol, and a hand-drawn portrait Danny did of himself. Lunker broke into a huge smile when he saw his stall, and there was a round of hugs and a group dinner that followed, arranged by Imogen. Nick and Charlie both joined, enjoying the team time ahead of the intense few weeks they were going to have with the Champions Cup, starting that weekend.  

Lunker told the proposal story and shared a few more pictures of him and Emma together with their families, who had both been there. Danny made sure to get in a few digs about the engagement ring, asking if Emma rejected his proposal on the grounds that the ring wasn’t adequately sparkly, or if she knew that Lunker had gotten her ring inside a packet of cereal as a prize. Finally Lunker said, “If you like that one so much, buy it for James then, mate,” making Danny laugh and blush intensely. Charlie grinned at that, all the guys laughing and saying that Lunker had finally found the secret to shutting Danny up. 

It was a busy week, the team preparing for their away match in Ireland. The lads who had been on the team for several years had all spoken about what a different feel there was this season. Last year, the Badgers hadn’t made the top eight teams in the Premiership League and hadn’t made it into the European Rugby Champions Cup. And then there was this year, where the immense talent on their team had finally gelled and they had ended up second in the table. This meant that they were in the top tier for the Champions Cup, a place they were all thrilled about. The first two weekends of the Champions Cup, the teams who drew each other would play twice, once at each team’s home stadium. The Badgers had drawn Ulster, and would play first in Belfast at their home stadium, and then the following weeks back in Leeds.

Nick had patiently explained the bracket system to Charlie a few times, and he thought he had it down now. With two matches against the same team, the first match wasn’t a make-or-break. The Badgers could lose the first and as long as they won the second by a wider margin, they could still win the series and move on to the next round - or vice versa of course. Still, it was infinitely preferable to win the first weekend of course and have that mental cushion for the second match. The team trained hard that week both at home and at Kingspan Stadium on Thursday and Friday before the match, after a laughably short flight to Northern Ireland. 

The day of the first match was warm and sunny, one of the first nicer days of spring. The Badgers did their early-day warmups, and Charlie could tell the mood was tight, the tension higher than before. They all wanted to win. The idea of progressing in the Champions Cup was exhilarating. None of the players on a team that had won it yet, though several of the team members had been on teams that had won the Premiership trophy. Even in the tunnel, Charlie could feel the energy vibrating at a higher pitch, many of the lads restless as they waited to be called to the field by the opposing team’s announcer, the crowd ready to give a less-than-warm welcome.

Charlie edged over to Nick and squeezed his forearm. “All right?”

“All right,” said Nick, nodding. He gave Charlie a quick smile, looking nervous but ready. “Champions Cup, can you believe it?”

“Yeah,” said Charlie. “I know, it’s fucking brilliant.”

“It is,” agreed Nick. “Just about time.”

“I can’t believe you’re wearing their colors under your shorts,” muttered Charlie, who had scoffed and rolled his eyes good-naturedly when Nick put on his traditional red pants before the match in their hotel room. 

“It’s for statistical odds in our favor, Charlie,” said Nick, never willing to concede the point.

“Of course it is.”

The sound picked up, the announcer whipping the crowd into a frenzy. “Kiss me?” said Nick.

Charlie grabbed Nick’s arm for balance as he pressed himself up onto his toes, giving Nick his traditional kiss before the match. “Good luck, baby. You’ve got this.”

The announcer called the Badgers to the field, and after the opening pieces, the match was off. From the start, it was one of the most thrilling fixtures Charlie had ever seen them (or any team) play. The teams were well-matched and it was never more than one score apart for the entirety of the two 40-minute halves. Ulster scored first, a quick try up the side of the field after a series of long, battling phases. But the Badgers struck back just a few minutes later, Danny pushing through a knot of defenders with sheer will. Both teams scored penalties before the half, and the Badgers and Ulster went to the locker room tied at 10 apiece. 

The second half kicked off and the pace got no less intense. Amy and Charlie were kept busy working with their players and assisting the medics, who had to clean up more than one player bloodied on the pitch, though both teams kept it fairly clean. Nick scored a try and Charlie had to hold himself in trying to keep his reaction professional, Nick sending him a glowing look from across the field. But Ulster answered just a few minutes later, tying up the score yet again. With another set of tries each, the match was winding down to the final minutes. The Badgers drew a penalty against Ulster, and James took the kick, from a tough angle, far on the left side of the field. If he made it, the Badgers would win the first match and go home with that in their back pocket. He set himself up, kicked and - the ball sailed to the right of the posts. Charlie and the rest of the team on the bench groaned, and he could see James drop his head back and yell in frustration. He was shaking his head as he ran back to the bench shoulder to shoulder with Danny as they all set up for extra time, the lads all reassuring him and telling him to shake it off and get back in the match. 

The match went to extra time, 20 minutes of play. It was somehow even more closely matched than it had been during full-time, and both teams put on truly stunning displays of defense. The Badgers had a chance to score with a drop-goal, but the angle was challenging and Will’s kick missed. Ulster had their own drop-kick goal attempt with the clock ticking down into the red, and every Badger’s head followed the ball as it traveled and mercifully missed as well, averting a Badgers loss in the last minute of extra time. The whistle blew and the match headed to penalty kicks, something which had only happened a handful of times in Champions Cup history. 

Three players from each team would kick, and the Badgers selected Seamus, James, and Nick, three of the strongest and most accurate kickers. Charlie watched with his heart in his throat as the three of them slowly took the field alongside the players from Ulster. 

Seamus kicked first, and the ball passed neatly through the posts. 1-0 Badgers. The Ulster flanker was next, and netted a perfect penalty, straight through the uprights. 1-1.

Nick was next. He lined up, taking a breath, and kicked. The ball knocked against the post and bounced out, the entire Badgers team wincing at the hollow sound. Charlie’s heart broke at the frustrated look on Nick’s face, but Wilco and James each put an arm round his shoulders and said something to him as they watched the next Ulster player kick. The Ulster player made the penalty, making the count 2-1 in Ulster’s favor.

It was James’s turn, and Charlie glanced to see Danny watching intently, running his thumb and his fingers together over and over. James centered himself, set up, kicked - and made it. The Badgers exploded on the bench; they were still in it. 2-2. If Ulster missed, it would be back to even again and they could essentially start fresh. Many of the Badgers players linked arms to watch the next Ulster kicker, who took a few steps and sent the ball neatly through the uprights, a few groans echoing through the Leeds bench. 3-2 to Ulster. 

Seamus would kick for the fourth penalty, the one that would keep them in the hunt. If he missed, it was over and Ulster would take the match. Charlie and Amy were clutching each others’ arms, as were most of the Badgers players on the bench, everyone hushed and expectant. Charlie could palpably feel the tension, and felt for Seamus - what an amount of pressure on a single kick, despite that the entire team had played for over a hundred minutes. 

Seamus lined up, took a breath, and then kicked. The ball sailed just left of the posts and the home crowd went mad, Ulster celebrating and yelling. Seamus sank in horror, gripping his hair as he dropped down into a low crouch on the pitch. Charlie and Amy deflated together, Amy looking physically pained at Seamus’s reaction. Nick and James hauled Seamus up, and though Charlie couldn’t tell what they were saying, it was clear from their body language that they were comforting Seamus, telling him it wasn’t his fault and to let it go. Wilco met them as they walked slowly off and kept talking to Seamus as the team made their way back to the tunnel, everyone clearly gutted. 

The walk back to the locker room felt like it was walking through heavier air than normal. It had been one of the most back and forth and intense matches in Premiership history, and they just happened to be on the losing end. The three captains were last into the locker room for coach Croft’s post-match speech, Seamus looking gray. Every player he passed patted him on the shoulder or murmured something supportive as he made his way to his stall, slumping back and putting his head back in his hands. Coach Croft gave the team a firm speech reminding them that this wasn’t over by a long shot. If they won the next match cleanly, they’d be in over Ulster for the quarter-final round. 

Coach Croft specifically called out Seamus and his many contributions during the match itself, and emphatically repeated that no one player was at fault, or even the team as a whole. They had played a hard match against a good team they hadn’t played this year, and just happened to get edged out. There were head nods and agreement, and after the meeting broke up, many guys went back over to Seamus before their showers, giving him a word of encouragement. He looked marginally better, but Charlie knew he’d be thinking about it for several days, as Nick did after anything he blamed himself for. Nick did in fact blame himself, something he told Charlie while wrapped in his arms in the workout room after most of the guys had cleared out.

Nick’s head was buried in the crook of Charlie’s neck, making it a little hard to understand him. “If I hadn’t missed that first penalty, we could have won.”

Charlie spoke against his hair, brushing it with his fingers as he did, smoothing it over and over soothingly. “But we also might not have, baby. And Seamus is probably saying the same thing. Or James. Or Danny. You heard Coach. This isn’t anyone’s fault. Not yours, not Seamus’s. Just a shitty end to a close match, yeah?”

Nick gave a big sigh. “Yeah. Fuck. This sucks.”

“I know. But you don’t suck.”

“I…yes. You’re right.”

“I mean, sometimes you do, but that’s the good kind of su-“ Charlie knew that a little cheeky humor was often a way to draw Nick back to himself after his head was stuck in something related to rugby.

Nick drew back with a little smile. “Charlie Spring. You are a menace.” 

“I know.” Charlie threw him a wink. “And it’s not over. We have the next match, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “Fuck. Well, this is where that I and P stuff comes in. That was the Player, not me. And no matter what, even if we lost - I’d still have my life. Have you.” He kissed Charlie once softly, Charlie melting a little, and then released him. “I should check on Shea again before the bus. Meet you in a few?”

Charlie agreed and went back towards the visiting team’s physiotherapy room to get his kit and jacket to make his way to the bus. It was long after the match, so he didn’t bother to knock and started to walk through the open doorway when he stopped in his tracks. Amy was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, Seamus next to her leaning his head and shoulder on her chest. She had dipped her head down to partially cover his, and was cradling his face in a way that looked so tender and vulnerable that Charlie felt like it would have been less intense to walk in on them having sex. She was murmuring to him that it was okay, it wasn’t his fault, she was there. Charlie silently backed out of the room, mercifully unseen, and retreated down the hallway. As shitty as it was that Seamus was going through this (and the team, too, to a degree), he was so grateful that Seamus had Amy, who looked softer in that moment than Charlie had ever seen her. He shot a quick text to Nick letting him know that he’d be a few minutes before he met him for the bus.

He could wait a little longer.

Week 2: Round 1 of Champions Cup, Second Leg  

They were back in Leeds the following week, preparing for the home match against Ulster. Everyone was determined for the match, and the mood at the stadium was serious as the week started off. Training went well, every player focused and spending extra hours training, lifting, stretching, icing, studying, or watching video. Training on Wednesday had ended late, the players unanimously electing to stay on to watch film in between sets before finally returning to the locker room to change and shower before going home. The constant side conversations were continuing as always, though it seemed a little more muted right now with the general intensity ahead of the Ulster match. Amy and Charlie were having their own side conversation as they hung out in the locker room, chatting about the weekend. 

“Have you seen much of Jake? He’s still here, right?”

“He just got back yesterday, actually,” said Amy. “He went down to London for a few days while we were in Belfast, and then he wanted to come back up for our home match. It sounds like he’s going to try to make all of the rest of the matches for the Cup, no matter where they are. As he should, that funemployed bastard.”

“God, don’t you wish, like, Fiji had a team who played? Or even Monaco? That would be the life if that’s where the next round was,” mused Charlie.

Danny, Nick, and Stig were all nearby, variously changing or toweling off, and Amy and Charlie’s conversation attracted their attention. 

“Monaco,” said Stig with a dreamy look on his face. “I have some nights that I will never forget in Monaco. And a bunch of ones that I don’t remember. Same difference, really.”

Danny laughed. “I’ve never been, but I’ve heard it’s bonza.”

Stig and Nick told him it was incredible. “It’s a shitshow, but it’s amazing. Until you lose four thousand pounds in craps in one go,” said Stig, shaking his head ruefully. Charlie whistled, unable to imagine losing (or even betting) thousands on a game.

“Yeah, losing money in craps sounds pretty shitty,” said Nick, glancing at Charlie, who just stared back, dead-eyed. “I know poker better than craps, but I assume there’s no such thing as a…flush in that game?”

Charlie sighed and then looked at Danny, bracing himself. “Well? I’m sure you have something to add, too. Just take me out of my misery and get it over with.”

“Nah, poo jokes aren’t my top favorite kind of joke,” Danny said thoughtfully, pausing before he went on. “But they’re a solid number two.”

Charlie pressed his hands over his face as the rest of them burst out laughing, Danny’s the loudest. 

“Anyway,” said Amy, still giggling a little. “Yeah, Jake will be here this weekend and is going to come out with all of us Saturday after the match. He and Moose were talking about-“

“Moose?” interrupted Danny, tilting his head.

“Oh,” said Amy, blushing a little. “Sorry. Seamus.”

“Moose?!” repeated Danny. “How do you get that from Seamus?”

Amy rolled her eyes, still looking a little red but trying to play it off. “Seamus? ‘Muss’…’moose’? Shea-moose? Moose? Whatever, it makes sense and I am very cool, shut up.”

Stig looked delighted. He scanned around the locked room until he found Seamus and pointed at him, a grin spreading across his face. “MOOSE,” he bellowed, everyone’s heads turning. Seamus flushed at the name, and the rest of the team laughed at the combination of expressions on Stig’s and Seamus’s faces. And that was it, Charlie knew. The nickname Shea was gone; Seamus was now Moose, forever and always. 

For whatever reason, that moment broke the intense energy of the week, the entire team seeming to relax a little. Nick talked about the shift on Thursday with Charlie, reflecting on the week ahead of the weekend’s match.

“It’s feeling good, Char,” he said that night, wrapped around Charlie’s back, his thick thigh thrown over Charlie’s hip, his chest against Charlie in that hard-soft feeling that he loved.

“What is?” asked Charlie. “The team, or your semi against my ass?”

Nick laughed and rolled his hips against Charlie, making Charlie murmur and smile. “The team, you horndog. It’s…we’re going to win this one. Against Ulster.”

Charlie turned his head back to look at Nick, who was usually too superstitious to say something so declarative. “You sound sure about that, baby. I like it.”

Nick nodded, pressing his face against the side of Charlie’s neck, brushing his lips gently as he did so, making Charlie shiver. “We’re going to win. I fucking know it.”

And they did. 

Their second match was at home, and it made a huge difference to walk into their home sea of blue and gold, their fans rabid and excited, bursting into cheers when the Badgers took the field. They started in aggressive fashion, Seamus opening with a score 33 seconds into the match, slicing through the defensive line to put the Badgers on the board. He emerged from the wild celebration looking euphoric, and Charlie could see him laughing even from across the field when a collection of players on the bench yelled, “Moooooooooose” in a low cacophony together. 

Ulster struck back not long after when their fly-half, almost as good as Nick (but with a butt only 1/7th the majesty, Charlie thought), pitched the ball to their center, who twisted over the line to score. They went to the half tied, but there was still an energy in the Leeds locker room, a sense of We will win this match. 

They took the field again, and the Badgers never looked back. Danny kept the ball from crossing the touch line in their own 22, and found James. A tricky deceptive hitch-kick took him past the cover, found Lucas, who fed the ball to Wilco. Wilco went for the diagonal length of the field, dodging a tackle in spectacular fashion to put the Badgers ahead. A penalty kick from Ulster couldn’t keep up with the Badgers as they dominated the second half, capped off by a try in the corner that Nick scored, Charlie momentarily forgetting himself with a strangled yell. As the clock ticked down, the fans and team got more stirred up, until the whistle blew and the Badgers could celebrate the 33-17 win and the progression to the next round of the Champions Cup.

That night was, as Amy’s brothers may have put it, a gong show. They all went out to the same rooftop bar that they’d gone to months ago, before Charlie and Nick were openly dating one another, another neat circle of return for their relationship. 

Amy’s brother Jake was there as well, he and Seamus seemingly getting on, Charlie often spotting them in the same group or just chatting with each other. It was great to see Seamus accepted by at least one of Amy’s brothers - he had certainly earned it, Charlie thought with a smirk to himself. Charlie caught up with Jake himself at one point too. Jake had been enjoying his time in England, making it down to London and planning to head to the sea before wherever their next match was. Charlie was ready to enthusiastically recommend Saltburn, but then realized that he had little to offer in terms of recommendations besides finding a giant man to shag three times in an oversized tub. He was easy to get along with, and Charlie stayed chatting with him a while until he spotted the giant tub-shagging man that he loved. Nick was in his traditional post-match suit, leaning back against the bar talking to Amy. His stance pushed his hips forward a bit and pulled at the fabric of his button-down shirt, making it gap open a little above the last done-up button, exposing a bit of his chest. Every sighting of this man still had the ability to turn Charlie into the lip-bite emoji, and he eventually extricated himself from the conversation with Jake to make his way over. 

Charlie headed over to the bar, ignoring Nick’s puzzled smile, pretending to order a drink. Amy rolled her eyes and moved away, clearly guessing there were shenanigans coming that she wanted no part of. He looked over and gave Nick a theatrical leer, casting his eyes up and down his body. “Hey gorgeous,” said Charlie, in his best smarmy-bloke-at-a-bar voice. “You come here often?”

Nick laughed, then joined in the game. “Sorry, mate. I have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah? What’s he like, then?”

“Oh, big jealous guy,” said Nick. “You wouldn’t want to mess with him; he’d snap you like a breadstick if he saw you hitting on me.”

“Mm,” said Charlie, sidling closer and running a hand up Nick’s forearm. “I might be willing to take that risk. And I’m pretty strong. I can bench press the whole bar now.” He leaned closer. “Without any other weights on it,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows impressively. 

Nick burst out laughing but tried to control it. “Wow, the whole bar, yeah? I dunno - you might actually tempt me away from him.”

Charlie was feeling mischievous. “Maybe tempt you…to a closet I found last time we were here and I was looking for a loo?”

Nick’s eyebrows shot up, the silly expression off his face, immediately replaced with mingled surprise and eagerness. “Seriously?”

Charlie didn’t say anything, just pressed his hips closer to Nick and curled up the right side of his lips in a sultry smile. 

“Fuck. Yes,” said Nick, looking eager. He pulled Charlie away from the bar in a determined fashion about half-way across the room until he stopped, looking back at Charlie, his eyebrows knitting. “I don’t…know where we’re going.”

Charlie laughed and walked ahead so he could pull Nick behind him instead. “I do.” He led them to an out-of-the-way closet inside the indoor part of the bar. He had lied just a little; he hadn’t found it on his own; Imogen had smirkingly told him about the magical location in a helpful text message before the night out. She had discovered it through her bar connections and had taken full advantage with Sahar there as well. Nick and Charlie rushed into the supply closet, wedging a spare chair against the door. They stood a foot apart for a moment, and then both moved at the same second, drawn together. 

Charlie grabbed Nick by the shirt and pushed him into one of the walls of the closet, his hands fisting Nick’s shirt. He didn’t know if it was the win or what, but Charlie felt his blood hot in his veins, his whole body singing with the sight of the man in front of him. Nick was looking at him with lusty, loving eyes, a few stands of his hair already falling in his face. Charlie pulled himself closer, using his hands tangled in Nick’s shirt, and kissed him passionately. He was incredibly turned on already from the intensity of hooking up in a closet in a fairly crowded bar, and the little moans that kept escaping him despite his best efforts to stay quiet were making Nick respond in kind. Charlie rolled his hips against Nick’s as they kissed, pressing their chests together and occasionally breaking away to gently bite a line up and down from Nick’s ear to his clavicle, careful not to leave any marks. He could feel Nick pressing against his stomach, and Charlie continued to rock his hips, Nick sighing in that high-pitched way that Charlie loved. 

Charlie pulled away, Nick opening his eyes and looking at him, wondering where he went. Charlie slowly dropped down to his knees and Nick made a soft groaning sound at the sight. 

“Are you sure you want…you don’t have to-”

Charlie smiled seductively up at the man in front of him. “I want to,” he purred, and this time it was Nick moaning, closing his eyes. Charlie unbuckled Nick’s belt and unzipped his trousers, only pulling them and Nick’s boxer-briefs down enough to expose all of him, straining and ready. With another heavy-lidded look at Nick, Charlie took Nick in his hand at Nick’s base, tonguing under the head of Nick’s cock, drawing out a high sound. 

“Oh god Charlie…”

Charlie took his free hand and took one of Nick’s, guiding it to his hair. Nick let out a tiny whimper and wrapped his fingers into Charlie’s curls, then the other. Charlie used his tongue again to lubricate Nick, and then slowly started gliding his hand up and down the parts of his dick that he couldn’t reach with his mouth. His brain vacantly aware that they were in public, Charlie started to move fast, Nick’s hands following the motion of his head, fingers tangled but gentle, almost as if Nick had lost control over his arms. Charlie found a steady pace and hollowed his cheeks to take Nick a little deeper, a little tighter in his mouth.

“Fuck, Charlie, oh god yes,” murmured Nick. “I’m not…I won’t last,” he got out, his breath hitching.

Charlie made an encouraging sound and kept going on the same pace, squeezing a fraction tighter with his hand and amping up his own sounds. Nick groaned and Charlie knew he was on the edge, pushed faster with the thrill of mild naughtiness. He added a twist to his wrist and Nick swallowed what might have been a shout, squeezing his hands into Charlie’s hair in a warning. Then he was coming, fingers stuttering and gripping as he did. Charlie stayed on him, drawing him until he was done, Nick sighing and brushing back Charlie’s hair to give a wordless nudge that he was finished. He pulled Charlie to his feet and leaned his cheek on Charlie’s head in a moment of recovery, then grinned as he pulled back. 

“My turn,” he murmured, and the look in his eye nearly undid Charlie right away. Nick undid Charlie’s jeans and edged his thumbs into the fabric near Charlie’s hip bones to work them down, freeing his aching dick where it had been pulsing, Charlie turned on by hearing Nick and watching him come. Nick ran his hands down Charlie’s torso as he brought himself to his knees this time, only giving Charlie a second’s warning before he was on him, making Charlie gasp and throw his head back, inhaling sharply through his nostrils. 

Charlie was so on edge that it took almost nothing at all before he was digging his fingers into Nick’s hair and whispering that he was close, Nick moaning obscenely around him when Charlie tugged at his locks. Nick stayed on him as he came with a heady whimper, staying for those extra seconds that he knew Charlie loved when he was incredibly sensitive. When Charlie tapped Nick to pull him back to his feet, they both did their trousers back up and stayed in the dingy closet for a minute, surrounded by bog roll, cleaning supplies, and a heavy dose of hormones. 

Charlie smirked and looked at Nick. “What do you think? Think that boyfriend of yours could have done that to you?”

Nick smiled back, kissing the top of Charlie’s head. “He’s, um…yeah, you…fuck, I don’t have enough brain cells left to play. I love you, real and fake boyfriend.” Charlie laughed and they kissed again before neatening up the space and then leaving cautiously, fortunately unseen by anyone. They stayed at the party a little longer before going back home to finish what they’d started, both of them still eager for more. 

But before they left, Charlie made sure to find James to surreptitiously suggest a spot to meet Danny later. After all - sharing was caring. 

Week 3: Round 2 of Champions Cup - Quarterfinal

The following week, the Badgers hosted their next opponents, Cardiff, again at home. It was likely that whoever they drew next (if they progressed) would be an away match, so this was likely to be their last home match of the year. 

On Monday, Nick and David had their first session with a family therapist, which they did online. Charlie made plans with Elle and Tao that night to give Nick privacy, enjoying the chance to catch up with the two of them. Elle was busy as always, continuing the Rugby for All campaign and attracting the attention of several other teams who were eager to co-license the idea with the Badgers. She was working on league-wide communications about inclusion for both teams and fans, Tao told Charlie in glowing tones. Elle had returned the praise back at Tao, telling Charlie about Tao’s pro-bono work that he was doing for a local girls’ rugby team that had been unable to secure field space due to the boys’ team getting priority. He had helped them put together a video to send to the local board, and Elle said it had convinced the board to update their dated and sexist policies, and the girls’ team finally got equal playing time. Charlie left glowing with the knowledge that his friends were just as happy as he was, and proud to know people like them.

Charlie came back in, Nick meeting him at the door, wrapping him in a warm hug and burying his face a little in Charlie’s neck even before he said hello.

“Hi baby,” Charlie murmured. “You okay? How did it go?”

Nick pulled back and nodded slowly for a minute, seeming to consider. “It went…okay? There were good parts and shitty parts, but I don’t know…overall okay, I think. Yeah,” he repeated, seeming a little more sure.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” asked Charlie.

“I do,” said Nick, walking with Charlie to the couch. As they spoke, their hands were touching each other constantly, seemingly magnetized. A gentle hand on a leg, a brush of fingers through hair, a hand wrapped around an ankle, gently massaging. Charlie loved these quiet expressions of affection and support constantly in their lives. Now that it was something he had found, he couldn’t imagine his life without these reminders of love and presence and softness. 

Nick recounted that David had started off like a real prick, deflecting and dismissing their upbringing, stating that their dad had been a bit of a dick, yeah, but they had both turned out fine. David had seemed to believe his treatment of Nick had just been brotherly ribbing, teasing that Nick had taken too personally. Charlie’s hand had tightened on Nick’s forearm at this part, offering silent affirmation and empathetic anger through his touch. 

Nick said it changed when the therapist had them both write impact statements, asking each of them to describe one of their toughest moments with their dad and the impact it had when they felt their worst. Nick told Charlie that he had written down that at times, he had actively hated himself, thinking he wasn’t enough and would never be. Charlie held him as he spoke, his heart aching, Nick pausing a few times as he shared some of the darkest times in secondary and uni, the times when he was ashamed of and disgusted about himself. 

“And then David said, ‘Well, that’s normal, right? Doesn’t everyone hate themselves?’ And the therapist was like…no. No, everyone doesn’t hate themselves. She talked about how the longest relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves, and even if everything else was stripped away, we’d still have that relationship. She had him think about that - the idea that he could potentially go another seventy years hating the one thing that would be a constant in his life. By choice, if he didn’t do some unpacking. For whatever reason that…that got through to him a little?”

“Wow,” said Charlie. “How did it look for him, to, like - get it a little?”

“I mean, it’s David,” said Nick. “But still. He did the impact thing again, and actually talked about some deeper stuff. Before the next one, she asked us to each write a letter to him, one that we wouldn’t send yet, or maybe ever at all. Just to try to express where we stand with him, now. What we think about him. And David agreed to even try it, which is…good.”

“That’s big,” said Charlie, running his thumb over Nick’s hand as he held it. “I’m so proud of you that no matter what, you’re choosing to do this work. You chose to set those boundaries with him, and you chose to do the work with this therapist, no matter how he decides to approach it.”

“Yeah,” agreed Nick. “He agreed to another session, too. And since his team is out of the Cup, he said he’s going to try to make one of our matches. That was - surprising. But nice.” He paused, humming for a second. “I don’t think we’ll ever be, like, close. But I still want some relationship with him. So…I’ll keep going with it.”

Charlie looked at Nick, this man who had worked so hard over the last 8 months to know, love, and accept who he was. What a fucking gift Nick was continually giving to himself. Charlie was sometimes so overwhelmed with love for him, just like he was in this moment. “I am so, so proud of you,” he said, Nick looking at him with expressive eyes. “You’re a good man, Nick Nelson. And you only deserve relationships in your life that deserve you.”

Nick sighed, like he was drinking in Charlie’s words. “Thank you, Char. I’ve…it’s interesting that the therapist asked us to write that letter to our dad. Because I’ve been thinking about that a lot with Lucy anyway, you know.”

Charlie did. Nick and Lucy had talked a lot about Nick’s future relationship with his dad that he wanted, if any. Lucy had Nick picture what it would be like if he was in a store and saw his dad. What would be his ideal? Nick had said he pictured them walking past each other like strangers, not angrily, but not with any recognition. After months of work with Lucy and conversations with his mum and Charlie, Nick knew that he didn’t desire, need, or benefit from his dad being in his life anymore. 

Nick went on. “I had been thinking about sending him a letter anyway, letting him know that we no longer have a relationship, and this is kind of perfect timing.” He sighed, but it wasn’t as hurt as it used to be. “I wish my dad did accept me. But he doesn’t. And there’s a lot of power in saying and knowing that, too, like you and Lucy have said. Now, I don’t need to wonder about it. I know it. And I don’t need to hold space for someone like him, thinking he might change his mind. I don’t accept a dad like him. I don’t accept someone in my life who doesn’t know who I am, just cares about what I am to him. Even if we lose the Cup, I’ll still have the team, my dignity, and myself.” He looked at Charlie. “And you. Most importantly, you. As long as you’ll have me.”

Charlie’s heart ached and he tucked closer to Nick, moving his hand up to Nick’s face. “Forever, baby. You deserve everything that you need and want and makes you happy.”

“I hope you know that’s true about you too,” he murmured, settling his head against Charlie’s chest. 

Charlie smiled down at Nick. “Nope, not right now. This moment is about you. You’re a good person, Nick, who deserves only the things that deserve him. Take it in, Nelson.”

Nick closed his eyes and smiled back. “Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath and settling into Charlie’s words. They stayed like that for a few long minutes, nestled in each others’ arms and hearts, until Nick broke the silence. “I mean…do you reckon I deserve a go on the physio table? There are so many parts of me that deserve…attention.” He looked at Charlie cheekily, who laughed. 

“You absolutely do deserve that,” agreed Charlie, pushing Nick off his chest and chasing him up the stairs, playfully pinching his butt with grabby grabby hands. Both of them got what they deserved that night. 

-

The match against Cardiff was on a warm, rainy day. The locker room and tunnel felt especially humid, the air thick with moisture and anticipation. If they won, they’d advance to the semi-finals, playing the winner of a French and English team on the other half of the bracket, and Charlie knew everyone was anxious to get started. Charlie looked around from his spot next to Nick’s shoulder, where Nick had parked himself close to Charlie. He saw tight, tense faces, hands curling in and out of fists, feet and legs bouncing as players mentally prepared themselves for the match. Charlie looked down in surprise when he felt a large, rough-smooth hand slide into his, and looked back up at Nick.

“Okay?” asked Nick, his voice a little gravelly.

“Always,” said Charlie, giving him a pulse back against his warm, slightly damp palm. 

As the announcer called them out, Charlie turned his face to Nick’s, moving his hand to wrap around his neck. “You’ve got this. It’s our game.”

Nick kissed him once, then once again. “Yeah,” he said, his eyes shifting to that steely determination that Charlie loved when he took the pitch. “It is.”

And it was. It wasn’t a high-scoring match, but the Badgers controlled the ball and the tempo from the start. They held Cardiff back, preventing a few near-tries with defense that drew roaring from the crowd. A long kick from Cardiff ended up in Wilco’s hands, and he ran a brilliant streak up the field before pitching it to Danny, who barreled through a round of defenders before getting stuck and passing it back to Lucas, who shouldered in for the Badgers’ first try, their fans going mad. They held Cardiff scoreless in the first half with a continued show of defense, and even the late Cardiff surge in the latter half couldn’t make up for the Badgers’ momentum. Leeds won 23-14 and the lads exploded when the whistle blew, celebrating the fact that they were moving on to the semi-finals and overjoyed with the likely last home-match win. Charlie watched with joy as the team took a lap around the field after handshakes, waving to their fans and grinning at the wall of sound, fans firmly staying and waving all things blue and gold. After a long few minutes, the team finally jogged back into the tunnel, whooping and laughing and cheering. 

The locker room was loud and fun, a million conversations and actions happening at once. Several of the lads were counting out as Danny did push-ups, one for each point the Badgers had scored, a tradition he had started after they won last week against Ulster. 

“Twenty-one! Twenty-two! Twenty-THREEEEE!” chorused the lads watching, Danny hopping up and flexing his thick arms. 

“Can’t believe you managed that with that gazelle body of yours,” joked Fitzy.

Danny waved him off. “Please, Fitz. Look at this chest I’ve got. I’m like a chicken, I already have perfect pecs.”

There was a chorus of laughs and boos, Charlie joining in with the second group. It took a while for everyone to clear out of the locker room, many players passing around cases of beers that the team catering staff had wheeled in.

The team went out again hard after the match, everyone excited to get to go out at home. Imogen had set up a team event at a bar where they could all watch the evening match where they’d find out who they were going to draw - the winner of Toulouse-Leicester. If they played Toulouse, it would be an away match in France, and Charlie felt himself pulling for them to win, imagining Nick with him in France, speaking…French. Oui.

The team was riveted, yelling at every play and spilling beer as they gestured and ranted about every phase and pass, picking up on tiny nuances that Charlie never would have noticed himself. Nick and Seamus were shoulder to shoulder, Nick pointing out what each player must have been thinking on each play, and Charlie pinned it in his brain, reflecting again that Nick would be an incredible analyst or pundit if he wanted to after he left the professional game. Charlie and Amy half-paid attention but mostly caught up with each other and Jake and Hunter, who had both made the effort to come to the final home match. They all had a few drinks as the match went on, but were so involved in their conversations that they were only occasionally paying attention or listening to the rugby lads. They watched the last few minutes where Toulouse won, and Charlie silently grinned to himself. They were going to France. 

Wilco ordered a round of shots for the team, which their little group of four took before returning to their conversation, the rugby players staying intensely interested in post-match analysis. Because he was away from Nick for most of the evening, Charlie didn’t realize how pissed Nick had gotten until a couple hours after the Toulouse match ended, when he came up behind Charlie and wrapped his around around Charlie, resting far more weight on him than he would have normally. 

“Oof - hi, baby.” Charlie turned his head and smiled.

“Hi luff,” said Nick, speaking just a tiny bit unintelligibly. “Are you guys having fun?” He grinned at Charlie and touched his nose against Charlie’s.

“We are…it seems like you’re having fun?” 

“It’s the best night,” Nick gushed. “I get to be here with you,” he said, booping Charlie’s nose again, this time with his finger. “And you,” he said, pointing at Amy. “You’re my favorite. I love you. You’re my favorite too, Jake. Jacob. Jake Jameson?! That’s a good name. Never change it. And Hunter! I love you. I love Lareda, too. You’re my favorite.”

Hunter and Jake smiled indulgently and Amy and Charlie laughed. “Love you too, Nicky boy,” said Amy. She looked over Nick’s shoulder to see Seamus looking similarly bleary, grinning stupidly from his high-top table when he noticed Amy looking over. “Charlie, I feel like we may need to get some specific assistant captains home fairly soon, based on their dumb-ass expressions.”

It was another hour before everyone left, Nick and Seamus both getting even looser along with the team before they all made their way out of the bar and into Ubers. Seamus and Jake walked to the Uber together, Seamus’s arm round Jake’s shoulder, both of them laughing at something, even though Jake was semi-supporting Seamus. Charlie and Nick waved goodbye to them and Hunter and got in their own car, Nick insisting on opening Charlie’s door before sliding in after him. In the car, Nick tilted his head at Charlie and looked at him with a soppy look, smiling like a goober.

“What?” said Charlie, grinning at Nick’s expression.

“I just love you…so much,” said Nick, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe it. “I get to play rugby and I get to have my mum be great and sometimes I get to see dogs and I get to be with you. I’m so lucky. I’m so glad you took a Char-nce on me.”

Charlie laughed softly, putting his hand on Nick’s cheek. “That wasn’t your best, love.”

Nick blinked slowly and took out his phone. “Don’ worry, I have more,” he said, staring at his phone closely, bringing his hand up to tap through some screens with his finger, his phone inches from his face. “I could make loving you my whole Char-eer.”

“Nick,” protested Charlie, shaking his head with an amused little sniff. 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, I have moooore,” said Nick, scrolling still. “Oh! You’re so hot you give me tachy-Char-dia,” he said, pronouncing each syllable distinctly. “Get it? ‘Cos, like…medical stuff. And you’re a physio.” Charlie snorted. “Oh, no, what about this one…Char for the course. Like, I love you so much it’s just normal for me now? Char for the course? Or maybe we should install new Char-pet in the house. Yeah. Char-pet’s a good one.” He smiled to himself proudly. 

“Oh thank god, you’re done? I-”

“I have them for other people, too,” said Nick, squinting at his phone. “Want me to go to Tao-wn with more of them? I have a proposElle for you - I’ll do a thousand more and then I’ll stop. Can you Imogen if I had one for everyone we know?” He broke off into a drunk little giggly fit. “It Tex me a long time to come up with them, but it would be a Seamus if I didn’t tell you them.” Nick gave a little shimmy of his shoulders and grinned at Charlie, immensely pleased with himself. 

Charlie groaned good-naturedly as he always did and pressed his face against Nick’s. “One more and I’m going to break up with you.”

Nick drew back quickly and to Charlie’s horror (and maybe 10% amusement), he saw Nick’s eyes fill with tears. “No, please don’t do that, Char,” he said, his eyes huge. 

“Ohmigod, Nick, I was jo-”

“If you really want to break up, I’ll respect your decision, but I want us to be together. I love you so much. I want to be with you forever,” said Nick earnestly, his eyebrows pulled together in a look of total supplication, eyes still watery and gripping Charlie’s hands.

“Nick, you enormous drunk idiot, I love you so much, too. I don’t want to break up with you! I was joking,” said Charlie emphatically, taking Nick’s face in both his hands. 

“Oh,” breathed Nick. “Okay. Yeah. I was joking too. I love you.” He sniffled once and pulled Charlie to his chest, gripping him tightly, Charlie internally rolling his eyes at this giant dummy but also loving him with his entire heart. “Ha, I gooooot you,” said Nick quietly, his voice still a little quavery.

Once they got home, Charlie guided Nick to bed, which was like helping an oversized sack of potatoes that constantly professed its love for Charlie up the stairs. Nick flopped into their bed and Charlie wasn’t long after him, ready for a long morning of caretaking the next day. 

He was utterly correct, of course, as the next day Nick was unable to locate his phone or his self-respect for the first hour or so. The phone was located under his pillow, but the self-respect took a little longer to find, as Nick didn’t ooze out of bed until noon, Charlie laughingly but lovingly taking care of him. Once on the couch, Nick lifted his arm two inches and whined until Charlie snorted and slid under.

“How’re you feeling, Nicky?”

“Mmrph,” Nick replied. “A little better. How are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I make good choices,” said Charlie sanctimoniously, drawing a laugh out of Nick.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” said Nick, running his fingers through Charlie’s curls. “I love you so goddamn much.”

“Oh, I know,” laughed Charlie. “You told me that a lot last night after you were no longer convinced I was breaking up with you.” 

Nick sat up and looked at Charlie, his eyebrows up. “What?”

“Do you not remember that?”

“No?! Oh god, what did I do?! Did you actually want to break up - did we argue?!”

“Oh god, no, nothing actually happened Nick - you read me a million ‘Char’ puns and I jokingly said I was going to break up with you and you…your drunken ass thought I meant it for a second.”

“Oh god,” said Nick, closing his eyes and shaking his head at himself. “I am such an idiot.”

Charlie laughed softly and kissed Nick on the cheek. “No, you’re just a big softy who kept telling me that you wanted new words in the English language to tell me how much you love me when I was trying to put you to bed.”

Nick chuckled. “Well…that part’s true.” He looked at Charlie. “I never want to break up, you know,” he said, smoothing through Charlie’s hair and brushing his curls back from his forehead. “You’re the most incredible person I know, Char. I’m so lucky that you chose me.”

Charlie closed his eyes against Nick’s words and his touch, melting into this man as he always did. “I never want to break up, either. I can’t believe I get to be with you.”

“Forever,” Nick murmured, pulling Charlie against his chest and snuggling him down, settling back on the couch. His breathing eventually slowed until he fell asleep, and Charlie drifted off with him, soothed by Nick’s gentle breath and his breathtaking words. Forever with this man. It was the best thing Charlie could imagine. 

Week 4: Round 3 of Champions Cup - Semi-final 

It was the week of the semi-final, and Charlie was with Nick…in France. Granted, they hardly had any time together to experience France, but still. France. With Nick. They had a little free time the afternoon that the plane landed before heading to the hotel, and Charlie fully dissolved into a puddle when Nick ordered them ice cream from a vendor on the street. Nick had laughed at Charlie’s melty expression and then asked, “Préfèrerais-tu qu'on continue à l'hôtel et que je la deguste sur toi?” Charlie assumed it meant, “Do you want to marry me and buy many cows so we can have French ice cream together every day on our quaint village farm?” and nodded furiously, making Nick laugh. 

When they got to the hotel, Nick had a grin on his face the entire elevator ride up. 

“What?” asked Charlie, nudging him with his hip.

“You’ll see,” said Nick enigmatically. 

Charlie did see when Nick opened up the double doors to their hotel room. It was a beautiful suite, with tall, nearly floor-to-ceiling windows with soft, lovely, billowing curtains. He walked around the connected rooms in astonishment, turning to see Nick with his hands in his pockets, smiling. “How the fuck did you manage this?” Charlie asked. 

“Well, I just spoke with Imogen, and mentioned that since you and I share a room, there’s really no reason to get us separate ones, yeah?” said Nick. “So I convinced her to put our two room costs together towards one nicer room. I doubt we can get away with doing it often, but I thought this would at least be a nice place to come back to this week. I guess in this case it pays to be gay?”

Jesus, thought Charlie. Between this and the closet at the bar Imogen should be up for queer sainthood. “This is amazing, Nick!”

Nick smiled at him in that soft, shy way that Charlie adored. “I’m glad you like it,” he said, opening his arms for Charlie to join him. “I know we won’t be in here much, but I wanted to spoil you a little for our first trip to France. Our first of many,” he added, giving Charlie a squeeze as Charlie internally melted again. 

Charlie took a few breaths before he felt steady enough to talk again; he was so undone by the idea of a lifetime of trips with Nick. “The other lads are going to be jealous, I reckon,” he said with a little laugh. 

“Maybe they’ll all get smart and start coupling up,” suggested Nick with a smile. 

Charlie laughed. “Gays do stay winning, huh?”

“Yep,” agreed Nick, kissing him on the nose. 

-

That week was another heavy one, the team intensely focused ahead of the Toulouse match. Stade Ernest-Wallon, where the match would take place, wasn’t much larger than their home stadium, but there would be few Leeds fans in the stands. It would be a sea of red and black, and the Badgers would need to play one of their best matches against a very talented team. If they won this one, they’d be in the finals, something almost unimaginable nine months ago before the season started. Nick and Charlie had precious little time together, but that was all right. They’d have the entire summer together, no matter what happened over the next few weeks. It was an odd feeling to feel so secure in a relationship for Charlie. The amount of time, even though it was far less than he wanted, didn’t truly matter. When they were together, it was bliss. 

Charlie and Amy did get one afternoon to stroll the city a little while the team was in an intense film-review session and there weren’t any players needing attention. They’d gotten coffees and enjoyed the sights before ducking into a shop that caught Charlie’s eye. After they left the shop, Charlie glowing with his purchases, they’d found an incredible bakery and Charlie had wrapped a croissant up for Nick to have as a little surprise back in the room. 

Somehow in a blink, it was the day of the match. As the Badgers took the field, Charlie took in the novel-sounding chants and different feel of the crowd as compared to the English stadiums where they normally played. As predicted, there were only a few spots of blue and yellow among the mostly-red crowd, and Charlie laughed when Nick made eye contact as he adjusted the band of his rugby shorts, grinning at Charlie in a, “remember what color I have under here?” way. 

The Badgers and Toulouse were equally shifty during the anthem, everyone clearly anxious to get to playing. This was a massive, massive match, and Charlie didn’t ever remember there being so many cameras lining the field. The Badgers lost the toss and Toulouse elected to kick first. The teams took the field and the fixture was off.

It started slowly in terms of scoring but massively physical, players crashing into one another, making Charlie and Amy both jumpy and busy. The Badgers missed a penalty opportunity when Toulouse was penalized for blocking, a groan going through the bench. One Toulouse player in particular, a hooker, was incredibly fast. He nearly scored a try, streaking up the field in a diagonal weave before Tex took him down with a stunning tackle that made the Badgers bench leap up and shout, yelling encouragement. The Badgers drew first in the match when Toulouse was given a yellow card for an off-ball tackle, Decker neatly kicking the penalty to make it 3-0. But just four minutes later, Toulouse kicked a penalty of their own, matching the score at 3-all after a penalty call against Wilco. 

The Badgers struggled a bit in the latter part of the first half, erring on two lineouts that ended up in Toulouse’s hands, looking shaky in set pieces in general. 32 minutes in, Toulouse capitalized on the second lineout, their lock pushing through a hard tackle from Nick to make it over the try line, nudging the score to 10-3 against the Badgers. It got worse in the last minute of play, the Badgers stunned when a Toulouse player was able to break open the side of a catch and run maul that tied up nearly every Leeds player on defense. He ran up the field unchallenged, the crowd roaring their approval. The half ended and the Badgers went to the locker room frustrated and down 17-3, with another 40 minutes left to play.

Wilco stepped up as he always did, following coach Croft’s speech with his own. He slowly circled the locker room, addressing each player. He called out something every starter did well, and then specifically challenged each of them with something to improve upon in the second half. Charlie hated where they were right now, but loved watching Wilco in action. He was the consummate leader; supportive but demanding, encouraging and firm. The room broke up with a Badgers cheer, and they retook the pitch for the second half.

The second half kicked off, and Toulouse knocked-on. Danny dove for it and capitalized, scooping up the ball in the midst of the confusion and running for a try, touching down and scoring 12 seconds into the half to make it 10-17. Four minutes later, Toulouse struck back, but the game was paused for TMO. Everyone waited with baited breath as the phase before the try was reviewed, and the Badgers’ bench cheers were drowned out by the stadium’s boos when the try was disallowed due to a forward pass that the referee hadn’t caught in real time. 

On a later play, James and Danny combined to hit the surging fly-half high, and Danny was called for a yellow. James wasn’t penalized, much to the chagrin of the crowd, the TMO determining that he only hit the fly-half high after the contact with Danny. Danny headed to the sin bin, and eight minutes later, Toulouse was able to convert with another try, the score 10-24 against the Badgers. Charlie could see Wilco gathering the team and saying something emphatically. The Badgers got back in position and Charlie looked over at Nick, who caught his eye. Nick gave Charlie a quick, determined nod, his eyes fierce. We’ve got this.

Danny went back on the field in time for a Toulouse turnover, scooping up the ball from a miss-pass. He and Lunker shouldered up the field, dropping the ball back to Fitzy, who used his speed to dart into the corner and tap the ball down, bringing the Badgers to 17-24. Ten minutes later, Toulouse was penalized for an intentional knock-on. The ball was kicked to 10 meters out, but the maul was stalled. It came out of the back to Wilco, who spun to avoid a tackle and charged over the line. Even. The score was even, and the Badgers were back in it. 

Charlie and everyone on the bench watched the clock tick down, hearts in throats at the thought of extra time, or god forbid, penalty kicks again. The struggle between the two teams continued, the match nearly at a stalemate. The break finally came when the Toulouse scrum-half was penalized for kicking the ball out of Nick’s hands, and Nick set up for the penalty, 22 meters out. He lined up, took a step, and kicked - and the ball sailed through the posts, the crowd roaring its displeasure. Charlie, Amy, and all of the players on the bench exploded in a riot of joy, Charlie staring at Nick until he turned with a beaming grin on his face.

There were five minutes and 4 seconds remaining, and the entire bench was on their feet. Everyone was yelling, pointing, gasping, and shouting as the match progressed. Three minutes left. There was a furious maul where it seemed like a Toulouse try was inevitable, then a hard tackle from Stig shut it down and brought the ball back to Leeds hands. 90 seconds. Charlie’s hands were in sweaty yet ice cold fists, watching the Badgers protect the ball with all they could. 20 seconds. And then, with the ball in Tex’s arms and his incredible speed on display, the clock counted down into the red. Everyone on the bench held their breath, waiting for the whistle. It was probably 2 minutes but felt like a lifetime, until finally - the whistle blew. The crowd cried out in dismay and the Badgers bench erupted again.

They had won.

They were in the Champions Cup final. 

Charlie could barely see the field through his blurry, happy-tears-filled eyes as he hugged Amy and the reserves, but could see a streak of auburn hair piling with other Badgers players before making his way to the bench and wrapping Charlie in a giant hug. Charlie hugged him back, both of them grinning fiercely before Nick set him down and gave him a long, glowing look.

“Go on,” Charlie urged him. “Go celebrate!”

Nick beamed once more and went back to the field, joining the mass of bodies before everyone shook hands and the Badgers made their way off the pitch to allow Toulouse to salute their fans for a good season. 

In the tunnel, Charlie jogged just behind the rowdy team until he heard Nick calling his name. He turned around and Nick ran up to him, arms outstretched. Charlie took a step towards Nick as he approached, jumping up to hug him and wrapping his legs round his waist. Nick pulled both of his arms tight around Charlie and kissed him as well as he could with his mouth still split into a wide, beaming smile.

“Charrrrrr,” crowed Nick, pulling back. “We fucking won, Char, we’re in the Char-mpionship!”

Charlie laughed wildly, not even able to pretend to be annoyed because he was so happy. “I know, baby, I know! I’m so…god, I am so proud of you!”

Wilco chuckled as he evened with them, Nick slowly stagger-walking towards the locker room with Charlie still wrapped around him. “What about me, Springtime? Are you proud of me, too?”

Charlie released himself from Nick’s arms and took his hand as the three of them walked. “Of course I am, captain dad,” he said, grinning. “That try you scored? Pretty good for an old man with a tricky elbow.”

Wilco scoffed as Nick laughed. “I can run circles around these lads,” he bragged. “Did Nick tell you at training this week, I…” Wilco trailed off, his eyes fixed on an argument ahead of them in the hall, in the area just in front of the visiting team’s locker room. Nick and Charlie’s eyes followed Wilco’s.

And then Charlie’s stomach dropped immediately filled with lead. It was Stephane, Nick’s father, arguing with a security guard. Stephane saw Nick and pointed to himself and then Nick, and the security guard seemed to relent, allowing him to approach. Charlie tightened his grip on Nick’s hand and watched Nick’s face transform from sheer joy from the match to recognition, then anger, and then something else. Something that almost looked like who he was when he was on the field. Determined, sure. Steady and serious. In control.

Stephane cast a quick look at Nick and Charlie’s interlaced hands, a shadow of disgust crossing his face. He seemed to try to clear it as he looked up and smiled at Nick, but the expression looked more like a leer than anything genuine. Nick gave Charlie’s hand a quick squeeze before dropping it and stepping forward. Wilco started like he was going to step in and physically seize Stephane, his face dark and angry, but Charlie put out a quick hand. He and Wilco could be there to support and help, but it was clear from Nick’s body language that this was something he was going to do himself. Charlie’s heart still hammered in his chest and his whole stomach tightened at this absolute motherfucker thinking it was okay to show up and accost Nick like this. But Charlie had faith in Nick, and faith that Nick knew Charlie and Wilco nearby, ready to step in at any point. And the entire team, a few meters away. 

As Nick stepped towards him, Stephane’s oily grin grew, Wilco muttering translations for Charlie as he and Nick spoke. “Ah, there’s my son. Have you changed your number, then?”

“No.”

“No time to spare for your old dad, now that you’re going to the Championship?” A laugh, with no kindness behind it.

“Why are you here?”

Stephane spread his hands, his fingers wide in an ‘isn’t it obvious?’ type of gesture. “I need an excuse to congratulate my son? And you’ve been too busy to call me back, I think.”

“Are you honestly going to act like nothing’s happened? Like you haven’t called for months, belittling me in your messages? Telling me I’m an embarrassment? Saying that I’m just trying to get attention by parading my life around?” The smile was sliding from Stephane’s face as Nick spoke, his jaw tightening. “I know why you’re here. You’re here because we won. You’re here because you think it would be valuable to be attached to me now. You only care if something can benefit you. And now, you think I can benefit you.”

Stephane hissed out, “That’s-”

“That’s the truth,” interrupted Nick. “That’s what you’ve always done. Only given anything if there’s something for you - glory, some sort of use of me. Of us, both David and I. He and I are working through that now, actually. You’re only here showing up now because my value to you at being in the final outweighs how you think of me now. I’m not worth your attention unless I offer you something.”

Charlie saw Stephane’s eyes harden with anger. Not righteous anger at a false accusation, but anger at the truth, at being exposed in his own selfishness and coldness. When he spoke again, his voice was tight, sharp. “I’m your father. You don’t talk to your father like that; you don’t talk to family like that.”

Nick was calm, amazingly calm. Charlie was deeply, incredibly grateful for the work he had done with Lucy and everyone else to get to this point. “You’re not my family. I’ve found my family. You’re not part of it.” Nick stepped back to stand between Charlie and Wilco and took Charlie’s hand, Charlie interlacing their fingers and raising his chin defiantly. “Now if you’ll kindly fuck off, I’m going to celebrate this win with the people I care about. And who care about me and who I am.” Nick nodded to the security guard, who had been hovering nearby uncomfortably. The guard led a protesting and angry Stephane away firmly. 

Wilco put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Proud of you, Nick,” he said gruffly. “It’s not easy to say something like that. And know that…” he trailed off and took a breath. “Know that Annette and I consider you part of our family. And any family would be lucky to have you be a part of it.” He roughly hugged Nick, Charlie releasing his hand, then clapped him on the shoulder before leaving Nick and Charlie to go into the locker room. 

Charlie moved to stand in front of Nick, taking his hands. “Are you…how do you feel?”

Nick nodded slowly, considering. “I…I’m okay. Better, even?” He sighed, and it sounded almost cathartic. “Like…Lucy and I had talked so much about this. And he - of fucking course he made this about him and showed up unannounced - but you know what? I said what I feel. What I felt. What I know.”

Charlie caressed one of Nick’s hands with his thumb. “Wilco’s right, in every way. Anyone would be so lucky to be your chosen family.”

Nick leaned forward and kissed Charlie softly. “You, Charlie. You’re my family.” He held his forehead against Charlie’s for a moment, Charlie’s chest cracking open. Nick took another sharp breath, straightening up. “Let’s talk more later, yeah? Now…let’s fucking celebrate.” He pulled Charlie into the locker room with him, the sound deafening and the room already a mess with beer and champagne fully flowing. 

Later, as Charlie stood in the locker room immersed in laughter and joy, Nick behind him with one arm wrapped around Charlie and the other holding a beer, Charlie drank it all in. He was surrounded by these giant children, men who loved the same game and each other. He loved every member of this team, all of those who were also part of his chosen family - Sarah, his family, Elle, Imogen, Tao, Wilco, Amy, Seamus, and so many others. And Nick. His family. 

-

That afternoon, Charlie and Nick were laying in bed, resting up before the team went out that evening to celebrate. They had talked a little more about Stephane, but Nick was truly doing well. Nick and Lucy had spoken, and he’d also called his mum, who already knew that Nick no longer desired a relationship with Stephane. They had both been supportive and affirming, and Nick and Charlie had talked a bit more before cuddling on the pillows, a soft and warm spring breeze floating in through the windows they had opened. It was getting close to evening, when they needed to get up to get ready, and both of them were starting to drift off. Charlie murmured in surprise when Nick’s phone buzzed, both of them stirring and Nick blinking at the screen before answering. 

“Hey, Moose,” said Nick with a yawn. Charlie couldn’t hear what Seamus was saying from where he was. “BeIn 3? Why? Fine, fine, give me a second…” Nick leaned around to get the remote from the bedside table and turned on the television, finding the channel, Seamus still on the phone. Nick turned up the volume a little, a member of the London Irish on the screen. Nick’s eyebrows knit together. “That’s Cameron Evans,” said Nick. “They got knocked out after the first round, though, I wonder why he’s…? Why’s his agent next to him? Reckon he’s quitting? Oh, yeah, I’ll call you after whatever this is, Moose, yeah.” He ended the call and turned his attention fully to the screen.

Cameron was speaking, reading from a piece of paper. His hands shook a little. “Thank you for coming,” he said. “I wanted to share something that I have already shared with my team and coaches, as well as my family.” He took a breath, his agent looking at him and nodding, encouraging him to go on. “I’m a pretty private person, so I hope you all know I’m not doing this for attention. But reading Nick Nelson’s recent interview convinced me of how important representation and visibility are in sport.” He took a breath. “I’m gay, and I play in Premiership rugby.” There was a flurry of clicking, cameras flashing, recording the moment. “I hope someday, press conferences like this aren’t necessary. But until then, I’ll do my best to help make the league as accepting and compassionate as possible, with representation as the first step. My teammates have been nothing but respectful and compassionate, and I hope our amazing fans will continue to see and support me the same way they always have.” He took a breath, sounding steadier as he went. “I won’t be taking any questions today. But I wanted to speak up for any other players, in this league or any others, or any kids that love rugby. I didn’t think this moment was possible until recently. I thought this was something I’d never be able to say in public.”

Charlie looked over at Nick, whose eyes were misty, though it was hard to see through his own wet ones. 

Cameron continued, “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without my friends, family, team, and coaches. From the beginning, I was treated with respect and acceptance.” He looked up at the cameras. “I feel especially thankful to have so much support when I know others who came before me wouldn’t have, historically. And I know that I’m standing on the shoulders of giants, guys like Nick Nelson on the Badgers, people who spoke up about their lives and paved the way for me to be able to share this. Again, I tend to keep my personal life fairly private, so I’d ask the media to give me some space as I navigate this time. Thank you for your support.”

Cameron and his agent stood up, ignoring the flurry of questions. They walked off, and Charlie gently reached over to tug the remote out of Nick’s hand, clicking the television off. Charlie had to clear his throat a few times before he got anything out. “Nick…”

Nick looked back at him, shaking his head in wonder for a minute, unable to speak. And really, he didn’t need to. This was an incredible, unexpected payoff to everything they had gone through, the vulnerability that Nick had shown. The world was a little brighter and freer now for at least one other person, and that was what mattered.

Chapter Text

The Badgers had nearly three weeks to prepare for the final, where they’d face Leinster. Leinster had been having a truly brilliant season, steady all year. It would be a tough match, and the entire team was buckled down in preparation. Training was intense, and Amy and Charlie were spending extra hours at the stadium each day along with the players, hyper-focused on getting everyone as healthy and prepared as possible. Both Charlie and Nick fell into bed most nights, recharging for another intense day again and again. 

None of the seriousness stopped some team shenanigans, of course. During one practice, Coach Croft gave a half-amused, half-”what is my life” nod to Danny before leaving with Coach Singh. Danny distributed birthday candles to everyone and passed around a few lighters. There were murmurs of confusion that turned into loud laughter when Danny said they were lighting a candle for Harry and the Saracens, who had ended up on the bottom of the table and were being relegated to the league below for the following season. Danny shushed everyone in mock-seriousness, then demanded everyone bow their heads in prayer.

“We send our thoughts to the Saracens. Not just for their relegation, but also because they now have to deal with the fuckstick that is Harry Greene and his face that looks like a dropped meat pie. Amen.”

“Amen,” responded the team as a group, punctuated with giggles. 

“Now as you pass, please drop your candles into this bucket of water that Coach Croft insisted I carry. May the extinguishment of the flame represent that wanker’s dreams going up in smoke.” Danny offered a serious, pious nod to every player as they laughingly passed and dropped their candles in. He offered a series of vaguely offensive religious gestures to each player, including the sign of the cross, a linked-thumb fluttering of his hands to maybe symbolize…a dove? and a “suck-it” type gesture a few times, his eyes turned to the sky in silent devotion. 

The weeks went on like that, the intense training sessions interspersed with lighter moments. Nick and Charlie spent time with the team, time with Wilco and his family at the Wilcox home, and time with their friends. They’d hosted their own film night, the group growing with the new additions of Seamus, Danny, James, and Sahar. They’d met Sarah for dinner a few times, and Charlie adored that he and Sarah were at the point where they had their own chat, often planning how they could next gently torment Nick the next time the three of them were all together. 

Nick and David also had two more sessions. It wasn’t perfect, and like Nick said, it might never be. But there was progress. Nick told David about the conversation with Stephane with the support of their therapist, and David handled it relatively well, Nick related to Charlie. David was disgusted that Stephane would surprise Nick like that, which was good within itself. David was also surprisingly thoughtful when the therapist asked his reaction to Nick choosing not to have him in his life and to the conversation in general. Nick told Charlie that he actually felt a little for David when he related that Stephane hadn’t called him since the Wasps went on a losing streak and didn’t make the Champions Cup playoffs. David mused to the therapist that maybe what Nick said was true - that Stephane only cared for his children to the degree that they could offer him something. David wasn’t quite ready to make the same decision as Nick, but Nick said that David left that session seeming thoughtful. 

The weeks before the Final were packed, so Charlie and Nick soaked up every moment that they had together. It was a little easier, knowing that the summer and off-season stretched out before them, win or lose. Though…they wanted to win. Charlie wanted the win for the whole team, but he wanted it so badly for Nick. A part of him felt guilty for how much Nick had gone through this year, and how he had contributed to it. He wanted this for Nick, wanted the win to help ease some of the challenges of this year, make it worth all of the challenges and hardships.

On the last Saturday night before the championship game, after a little too much wine, Charlie had accidentally told Nick as much. Nick had been floored. 

“Charlie,” he said seriously, a little wine-soaked himself. “You are the smartest person I know, and that is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” Charlie snorted and Nick went on, a little smile on his face now. “Seriously, love. I mean, was this year tough at times? Yes, for sure. But, fuck - literally all of that was worth it to be with you. My life is way better because I met you.” Nick leaned his head against Charlie’s. “And, like - through you, everything that happened made my life better. I - fuck, Charlie, I might still be living in the hell of hiding myself from, well…everyone. Trying to even hide from myself. But with you - god, you went through all the same stuff that I did, really, but you supported me with all of it. And now I’m out. We’re out. Like - that alone is worth literally everything. And that happened because of you.”

Charlie swallowed against the lump in his throat. “Baby…I-” He cut himself off, taking a breath and gathering his thoughts. “You’re…you’re giving me a lot of credit. You did so much of this for yourself. I was just there for you.”

“Now who’s the one deflecting? So much of this is because of you. Like it or not.” Nick smiled and gave him a soft kiss. “Now, do I want to win? Fuck yes. But really, Char - even if we don’t…I still did.” 

Charlie kissed him back and smiled too. “I don’t know about that. I think I’m the real winner here. I mean, look at you. Genuinely incredible man? Check. Rugby king? Check. Team leader that everyone loves? Check. Choosing to live your own life the way you want? Check. Gentle, kind, funny, and caring? Check. Thighs that could crush a watermelon? Check. Intellige-”

Nick’s eyebrows knitted together. “What was that last one?”

“Nothing. Intelligent, sweet, and the best man I can imagine? Check.” Charlie put his hand on Nick’s chest, over his heart. “I don’t know, Nick - you look at that checklist - I think I’m coming out ahead here.”

“No way,” said Nick firmly. “I win. My points are off the Char-ts.”

They spoke at the same time.

“Don’t break up with me.”

“I’m going to break up with you.”

They both laughed. “Let’s agree that we both won, yeah?” said Nick. “No matter what happens next week. We’re ending up ahead.” 

Charlie couldn’t agree more.

-

Somehow, the final had arrived. The team had chartered several buses for family and friends. Each team member, including staff, was encouraged to invite up to four people. The buses would take everyone down to London on Friday morning, and then back to Leeds after the match. Win or lose, everyone wanted the aftermath to be in Leeds, where they could celebrate or commiserate on their home ground, depending on the results. Wilco and Annette had prepared their house to host everyone who wanted to join following the match, with ample alcohol on hand to toast to success or drown sorrows. Charlie of course had invited his family and Michael, scoring one of Nick’s invitation spots. Nick had invited Sarah, Tara, and Darcy as his three, and amazingly, David was also planning on heading down for the match separately, even though he’d be staying in London afterwards. 

The evening before the match, both teams received a visit from the Chairman of the European Rugby Champions Cup, who congratulated the teams and coaches in a fairly scripted but still appreciated visit. The team sat on the benches around the locker room listening to him speak, but what everyone was really waiting for was for the staff to wheel in the Champions Cup trophy, a chance for them to admire what one of the teams was going to win the next day. 

The Chairman wrapped up his speech and reminded the players of the importance of fair play and sportsmanship before he smiled and called out to the open door. “Bring it in, lads.”

Two staff pushed in an over-the-top wheeled wooden stand, the Champions Cup sitting on top of the velvet surface, looking impossibly bright against the dark blue of the stand’s top. Charlie looked around from where he was standing next to the end of one of the benches and saw the hungry looks and determined smiles on all the players’ faces. And he got it. This would be it, the pinnacle of achievement for a season where everyone had poured in all they could. Players stood at the Chairman’s invitation and went closer to look at the Cup, gathering close to look at the names of the teams who had won it engraved in the gold base of the plinth. 

Danny had taken a look and stepped back to join Charlie, dropping his elbow on Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie looked at him and Danny grinned, then pointed at the Cup with his free hand. “Springtime, what’s the difference between a Honda Civic and a stiffie?”

Charlie snorted, already amused. “What?”

“I don’t have a Honda Civic,” Danny murmured, never taking his eyes off the trophy. 

Charlie laughed and twisted away, shaking his head. He went over to Nick, who smiled at his approach and wrapped an arm around his waist. Nick had a similarly dumbstruck expression looking at the Cup. 

“You want that, don’t you,” said Charlie, nodding towards the Cup. 

“I want you,” said Nick, ever the sap. 

“But…you want that too,” said Charlie, gently digging an elbow into Nick’s side.

“Yeah,” said Nick with a wistful sigh. “I do. I do also want that.”

-

It was the morning of the match. Nick and Charlie both got some sleep, though Charlie could almost hear the gears whirring in Nick’s head throughout the night, planning out phases and plays and other match components. They packed and joined the team for breakfast and a final meeting before heading to the stadium for the first warm-up, the anticipation unbearably thick. This was…it. The final match of the season. No matter what, it would be over after this. Charlie was glad for his and Amy’s many appointments, circulating through players almost robotically, everyone deeply in their own heads thinking about the upcoming match. 

The team and staff gathered in the locker room before taking the field. Each of the coaches and captains spoke, Singh and Croft speaking about the team and how much they’d accomplished. Seamus spoke about their readiness and how they needed to have utter confidence; that no one had prepared better than them. Wilco spoke to the starters, again giving each of them a piece of praise and a challenge for the match. And Nick spoke about the team, the community they had created with the people in the room, a group of people who cared about one another, supported one another, and looked out for one another. Coach Croft wrapped it up at the end, whipping the team into a frenzy with an increasingly loud inspirational speech, wrapping it up with the call to the team.

“We’ve worked all season to get here today. The chance is now, boys! Go out there and fucking take it!” The locker room was almost deafening with everyone’s roars, the team gathering for a Badgers chant before storming out towards the tunnel. Wilco, Seamus, and Nick parked themselves by the end of the tunnel so they could exchange fist bumps with each player as they passed. Each of the starters came first, then the reserves and subs, and then the staff. Nick grabbed Charlie as he passed, pulling him in for a quick but hard kiss, then gave him a playful pinch on the butt as Charlie laughed and kept going. Past Nick, Seamus and Wilco both held their arms out beseechingly and pursed their lips to mimic Nick’s greeting. Charlie laughed again and fist-bumped both of them, following the players onto the field before the captains trailed behind him. 

If Charlie had thought the locker room was loud, the stadium was something else entirely. Twickenham Stadium had a capacity of 82,000, and the stands were nearly full. It was like nothing Charlie had experienced before, almost feeling the sound pressing in on his body as he stepped onto the pitch. The path out of the tunnel led both teams past the Champions Cup, and Charlie looked at it glinting in the late May sun as he passed. This was real. Some team would take that today.

Being the final, the pre-match festivities were more ostentatious and longer than normal, with fireworks going off at one point that nearly scared Charlie out of his skin. The players stood on the line for the English and Irish national songs, and Charlie’s eyes were glued to Nick the entire time. Nick stood tall, his head lifted. He looked somehow bigger than Charlie had ever seen before. Not in terms of bulk, but in terms of how much space he took up in the world. Charlie knew it was his imagination, but he still saw it. Saw this full version of Nick, his biggest self. God, he loved that full self. The last note ended, and Nick turned to take the field. He found Charlie’s eyes and blew him a kiss before taking his spot, in front of the other team, the fans, the cameras. Charlie smiled and blew one back, his heart aching with fondness. Nick squared his shoulders and joined the knot of Badgers players before they gave one final chant and took their positions. 

The whistle blew and the match kicked off with a roar from the crowd. This was it. This was the final. Leinster kicked off the ball, and the match began.

The Badgers had a decent start to the phase that ended in a box kick to clear. Leinster returned with a good drive from the line out, and edged into the Badgers 22, and then nearly to the posts with crisp passes that looked smooth, polished. God, it was three minutes in and Charlie’s heart was already in his throat, a stab of worry with how under pressure the Badgers seemed to be. Fortunately, Danny forced a stunning turnover, only to be cited a few seconds later for an infraction, the ball given to Leinster for a penalty. The Badgers bench groaned in unison when the ball went neatly through the posts, Leinster the first team on the board with a 3-0 lead.

The next few minutes were frustrating, the Badgers picking up several penalties, everyone feeling hot and it showing on the field. They were cited for offsides just four minutes later, the ball again neatly slotted through for another score, pushing it to 6-0 in favor of Leinster. Charlie watched as Wilco shook a finger at James, whose head had dropped, clearly telling him to shake it off and get back in the match. They spoke for a moment before jogging away, James looking determined. Play resumed and Leinster seemed to be confused on defense, letting James offload the ball to Decker, who neatly ducked around the Leinster cover and sprinted to the try line. The Badgers were in a wild, massive embrace, even more thrilled after the conversion added to their score and brought the match to 7-6, Badgers’ favor. They were back in it, and Charlie didn’t know if he could take the rest of the match, not with another full 30 minutes to go in this half alone.

The next ten minutes passed by without a score, though the action on the field was tight and tense. Leinster eventually swapped out one of their hookers for a reserve, the hooker clearly in pain after a tackle. Both teams made errors as well as brilliant plays, but there was nothing else in terms of points until 22 minutes into the half, when the Badgers finally erred on a scrum, conceding a penalty. Leinster's talented fly-half (and captain) took the kick and scored, again leading the match, this time 9-7. The next few minutes were all the Leinster fly-half, though the Badgers’ defense was smothering, able to break up plays in a way that it seemed like Leinster wasn’t ready for. 

At 29 minutes in, their fly-half attempted a long-range drop goal, and on his miss, the ball went back to Leeds. Charlie prayed to the gay gods of rugby that they could get a score before the half-break, knowing how that would be a huge psychological boost. Over the next few minutes, Nick was able to lead the offense up the field, getting enticingly close to the Leinster line, only to cough up another penalty. The Badgers were playing well, but Leinster was good. Incredibly good. The Badgers were giving it all they could, and Charlie musingly thought part of it would come down to conditioning in the second half, both teams working incredibly hard.

The Badgers edged their way close again, only to be called for a penalty on a set-piece, Wilco shaking his head at the call. Leinster was given a free-kick, and then a penalty was called against the Badgers, the referee allowing the teams to play on, Leinster still in possession of the ball. Finally, play stopped for the penalty, and the fly-half again kicked and scored. The half ended at 12-7 in favor of Leinster, and the Badgers headed into the locker room, frustrated.

Coach Croft gave a good talk, telling the players to keep their chins up and addressing the penalties. He and Signh pulled offense and defense separately and had quick strategy meetings to pinpoint specific improvements before calling the team back together and ceding the floor over to Wilco to give the final words before the Badgers returned to the field.  

“This is our game,” said Wilco firmly. “This is our match.” He scanned the room, his eyes glittering in the light as he met every player’s gaze. “We’re all here. This is the right team. We all ended up here somehow, whether you came in years ago,” Wilco nodded to Decker, who had been there even longer than himself, “Or whether you came in a few months ago.” Here, Wilco nodded at Tex, and a few of the players around him gave a few whoops, Will ruffling his hair. “No matter where you came from, you ended up on this team. And it was for a reason. There are brilliant players on every team, lads. We don’t have every all-star in the league. But we have the right people on this team. Every one of you is integral. Every one of you plays for this team, not yourself. Every one of you has put in everything to get to this spot. We deserve to be here. We’ve earned it.” Wilco paused again, letting his words sink in. “You have earned the right to win. And we are going to win this. Got it? We’re going to go out there and be what we are. The fucking best team in Europe.” There was a burst of yelling, Seamus thumping his fist on the bench in agreement. “Now let’s fucking go out there and get it done.”

The room erupted in cheers, the team circling and Danny using each of his hands to push Amy and Charlie into the fray.

“On three - Badgers. One, two, three-”

“BADGERS.”

Everyone herded towards the tunnel, Charlie jogging next to Nick, who was holding his hand. Nick paused before going onto the field, the two of them meeting briefly for a kiss. 

“Go on,” said Charlie, smiling and putting on a mischievous look. “Char-ge.”

Nick gasped and beamed, then kissed Charlie once more and headed onto the field, Charlie not far behind.

The second half kicked off, and only a minute into play, Leinster was called for a penalty. Seamus took the kick and easily made it from a good angle, edging the score back to 12-10. Just seven minutes later, though, the Badgers were called for their own penalty in a ruck, and Leinster was able to score again (their fucking fly-half was amazing, having scored every penalty so far), bringing the score to 15-10 with 32 minutes left in regulation time. Charlie was honestly grateful for the breaks in between watching play when he was working on players; his mind desperate for distraction. He was taping and stretching a banged-up Fitzy when a roar caught his attention - the Badgers had drawn another penalty (already at twelve penalties, dismayingly), and their fly-half kicked it through again, making it six for six. The score was 18-10 to Leinster with 26 minutes left in the match. The final one of the season. The Championship. The team was playing well, but the lack of discipline was killing them. Wilco called all of the players together quickly, and Charlie could see him gesturing and slamming one hand into the other palm. The gesture was clear - calm down. Play smart. Focus. 

A few minutes later, the Badgers were able to nail a lineout drive, and Wilco was able to wrestle his way over the line. Nick, looking unruffled and cool, was able to drill the conversion even at a fairly challenging angle. The Badgers bench went wild at both plays, the score now just one point apart again, at 18-17 in favor of Leinster. There were twenty minutes left in the match, and Charlie felt as though he might take off, his heart rate was so high. It only got higher when Decker drew an unbelievably dumb penalty, tripping the Leinster scrum-half in what looked unintentional, but still was rightfully called. Decker looked devastated as he jogged to the sin bin, shaking his head and swearing at himself as he passed Charlie. This yellow card, with 15 minutes left, meant that the Badgers would be a man down for nearly the rest of the match, and Charlie’s throat went dry imagining the flurry of points that Leinster might score. 

His worst fears seemed to come alive immediately, the penalty good and Leinster now up 21-17. Charlie swallowed watching the ball go back to Leeds, the team working in determined, neat plays to get the ball up the field. A penalty against Leinster resulted in a Badgers scrum, and the two teams battled it out. The Badgers were finally looking like themselves, holding onto the ball for phase after phase as Decker’s time in the box ticked down. Finally, the penalty expired and the Badgers were back at full strength, with only five minutes remaining. Charlie kept glancing back at the scoreboard, willing it to change somehow - give them more time, give them more points, anything. 

The Badgers still had the ball, and were hammering away at Leinster’s try line, but the defending team was putting up an incredible fight. Charlie could barely believe no one had gotten a yellow card, as both teams were battling hard. A pick and go got the Badgers closer to the try line, but time was ticking down, less than three minutes remaining in the fixture. The Badgers were there, so close to the line…Nick had the ball in hand, with a tiny bit of space. He stumbled and hit the turf, caught on someone’s leg, but reached for the line and dotted down. Charlie felt more than saw the stadium explode as the referee signaled for a Badgers try, Charlie himself feeling like he nearly blacked out between the scream he let out and Amy jumping on his back. The Badgers converted the try and the Badgers were up 24-21, with the clock nearly in the red. 

The time ticked down until the clock was at zero, every Badger player and staff member on the bench yelling, pointing, gesturing inarticulately at the action on the pitch. The match moved into the excruciating extra minutes, not knowing exactly when the whistle would blow. The ball flew from Leinster hand to Leinster hand, the Irish team struggling desperately to score. Bodies slammed into each other and despite the noise of the stadium, it almost seemed silent to Charlie, watching the final seconds as he hoped with every fiber of his body that the Badgers could outlast the onslaught. A long run by their number eight sent Amy’s claws into Charlie’s arm, but Charlie barely noticed. The Leinster player was caught by Fitzy, and the ball worked backwards. It was nearly to the 22, then back further, then up again. It had probably been two minutes but felt like a lifetime. Charlie couldn’t look at the match anymore, and looked to the referee. The referee looked at his watch, brought the whistle to his lips, and blew - it was over.

The match was over.

Charlie nearly dropped to the pitch as the adrenaline flooded out of his body, the players on the bench around himself exploding past him and screaming as they rushed to join the fray of Badgers bodies, hugging each other on the pitch. They had won. They had won. Amy full-on tackled Charlie and the two of them were on the ground hugging as they watched the Badgers collectively lose their minds on the field. Charlie laughingly pushed himself up and helped Amy up too, both of them beaming and scanning the field, watching the Badgers players embrace, cry, yell, and celebrate. Charlie couldn’t yet see Nick in the crush of bodies on the field between the players and the stadium staff hurriedly pulling on the stage for the Badgers to take for the Cup and medal award ceremonies. 

After they felt like they had given the players enough time to celebrate just for themselves, Amy and Charlie rushed onto the field as well, Amy beelining for Seamus and jumping onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist. Charlie grinned at that distractedly, and then went back to searching - and then saw him. Saw Nick, who was clearly working just as hard looking for Charlie. Charlie saw a glimpse of the auburn hair from behind a pair of dejected Leinster players, and caught Nick’s eye. Charlie couldn’t hear Nick, but could make out that Nick was yelling his name over and over as Nick charged towards him. They got closer, the sound finally audible, Nick still calling for him even as they approached one another.

Nick seized Charlie, who jumped up to wrap his arms around Nick, Nick pulling him in tightly by the waist. Nick touched their foreheads together, then drew back, a brilliant smile on his face. He leaned down and kissed Charlie without hesitation - in front of the hundreds of cameras, thousands of fans in the stadium, millions of people watching on their televisions. Charlie kissed him back, trying to pour every ounce of emotion, love, and amazement he had for this man into the kiss. They swayed there for a moment, or maybe a week, before drawing back. A photographer knelt nearby, and Nick set Charlie down and pressed a kiss to his temple, aiming their bodies at the camera, both of them grinning. Charlie turned his face towards Nick’s, and Nick took the open permission, kissing him fully on the mouth as the photog snapped away. Charlie couldn’t wait to see that picture published - two men in love, celebrating on the rugby pitch with the people they loved behind them.

In the weeks and months that followed, Charlie would return to so many happy memories of this day. Watching Nick and the others get their medals, watching Wilco be the first to hoist the cup, grinning widely as Danny and James ran the cup over to their fans along the stadium barrier to celebrate together. But this was the memory that he came to the most often - that memory of utter contentment, peace, and joy that no one would ever take away from them. The idea that no matter what else happened in their lives, they had their true selves and this moment, both of which they’d worked so hard to realize.

Charlie and Nick yelled a few things to each other over the roar of the crowd, Nick gesturing that he needed to go to receive the Cup and take pictures with the team. He pressed close to kiss Charlie again, before backing away, blowing another kiss before he turned and jogged, Seamus jumping on him from behind as he made his way over to the rest of the team. Charlie made his way to the coaches and other staff gathered together to watch the Cup and medal ceremonies. Amy found him and the two of them embraced again, wrapping tightly with each other to watch the ceremony. Charlie couldn’t believe it. That they were here, that they won, that he and Nick had won. Won…everything. Won the Cup, won the comfort to kiss in front of cameras, won the right to be themselves and celebrate with who they loved. It was like he and Nick had talked about the previous week. They had just…won.

The locker room was madness. Charlie had never seen so many people in there, friends and family members ferried in by staff members, beer and champagne fizzing and exploding, plastic over the camera lenses to keep them safe. Olly and Tori and Michael were there, his parents seemingly (and wisely) decided to wait with some of the other family members. No one could hear anyone else talk; the locker room was a cacophony of yells, cheers, chants, and happy tears. Nick laughingly caught Olly trying to drink the champagne dripping down his face from sprayed bottles, and Charlie pulled him to relative safety, the two of them watching the explosion of mad joy. Family and friends swapped in and out, including David, who looked unsure if he was allowed to be there, but stayed to give both Nick and Charlie celebratory hugs before slinking back out. 

The locker room lasted far longer than ever before, every player bringing a bottle of champagne or beer into the shower with them to keep the celebration going. Everyone loaded onto a mixture of buses, the journey loud and raucous and incredibly fun. And it just. Never. Stopped. They all made their way to Wilco’s house shortly after arriving back in Leeds, Nick and Charlie dropping by for a brief moment to change and grab a few things before dashing back out. As much as they wanted each other at the moment, there’d perhaps never be a moment like this again, time for the whole team to be together with their families and friends and celebrate the absolute pinnacle of rugby. 

The party at Wilco’s started with everyone there - players, coaches, families, kids, friends, significant others. Wilco and Annette had said everyone was welcome to invite as many people as they wanted, and it was perfect weather for people to spill into the huge back garden. There was food and music and endless drinks, and the first few hours were a whirlwind of hugs and happy tears and congratulations. 

Charlie’s parents enjoyed the party, and Olly lost his mind somewhere in the range of twelve times, repeatedly tugging at Charlie to point out a player, who always inevitably approached to say hi when they spotted Olly looking. It hadn’t taken long before a kids’ game of rugby was happening in the garden, players and parents watching and cheering loudly. Nick and Charlie introduced Sarah to Julio and Jane, who got on immediately. It didn’t hurt that Jane was several glasses of prosecco in already and reached out to Sarah for a hug first, a move that shocked and delighted Charlie. They watched as the parents hit it off, both mums loudly and somewhat drunkenly proclaiming how wonderful each others’ boys were. 

Elsewhere, everyone else was just as happy. Charlie grinned when he walked into a conversation where Nick and Tao were enthusiastically chatting about Mario Kart of all things, with Elle, Sahar, and Imogen planning out a group trip in July for all of them. Danny and James were glued at the hip, rarely space between them. It was wonderful to see them casual and relaxed with one another, especially in front of everyone. Charlie had to laugh when James’s sister Harriet mimed vomiting behind the two of them as they kissed in the middle of a conversation with Charlie. Though he couldn’t be one to judge, knowing his and Nick’s increasing propensity for nauseating PDA. The evening turned into night, and the party got progressively louder and more wild as the hours went on, the drinks flowed, and people continued to laugh and celebrate.

A couple of hours into the party, Charlie was perfectly tipsy, and wandered off to find his perfect man, who he hadn’t seen in a criminally long time, Nick continually pulled by family members and friends. Families had taken off by this point, parents of kids seeing the clear writing on the wall that the rest of the night was going to get increasingly debaucherous. Olly had fallen asleep on a couch despite the loud music and conversation, and Jane and Julio took him back to the hotel room with them, though Tori and Michael decided to stay. 

He found Nick out back on the large patio, talking to Decker and his wife. When they saw Charlie, Decker leaned down to say something to his wife and they both smiled and waved to Charlie, then moved elsewhere to give him and Nick space.

“Hi,” said Nick, smiling.

“Hi,” said Charlie, returning the look. Charlie set down his drink and pressed up to Nick, linking his arms behind his neck. 

Nick ran his hands up Charlie’s sides before letting them land on Charlie’s chest, fisting his hands in Charlie’s shirt. “God, you look so amazing,” he breathed. 

Charlie stepped closer. “Fuck. I want you.”

Nick inhaled sharply. “Me too.” He released Charlie’s shirt and wrapped his arms around Charlie’s waist to tug him closer. “I can’t wait until we get home.”

Charlie cocked his head. “Well, maybe we don’t have to…Wilco does have that guest room, you know.”

Nick’s eyes widened. “Yes. Yes, that. I want to go to there.”

They rushed back inside, casting a quick look around before starting to bolt upstairs, hand in hand, when a voice interrupted them.

“And where are you two headed?” Wilco had his arms crossed, grinning up at the two of them from the downstairs hallway. 

Charlie gulped and flushed, but Nick gave a guileless grin. “Wilco, I’ll buy you new sheets. Fuck, I’ll buy you a bedroom set.”

Wilco laughed. “Oh, it’s fine, Annette and I will have to burn the whole house down after tonight, honestly,” he said cheerfully. “I meant, which guest room are you going to?”

Charlie blinked. His blush was still high in his cheeks, but he forced himself to look at Wilco. “…Did you say which guest room?”

“Yeah,” said Wilco with a broad grin. “We’ve got two up there.”

Nick sputtered. “What?! But, like months ago, when we had to stay here - you had said…”

“I had said we had a guest room you two could share,” said Wilco. “I never specified if there was more than one that you were welcome to split up and go separately to.”

Nick laughed openly and Charlie gaped at Wilco, shaking his head and then eventually joining Nick in laughter. “Holy shit, Wilco…”

Wilco shrugged, still with a shit-eating grin on his face. “You two were being really stupid.”

They both laughed again, and Wilco gave them a cheeky wave and wink before spinning on his heel and taking off back to the party. Nick and Charlie made their way upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms, the one that started everything. 

“Jesus,” said Nick, still laughing a little as he slid behind Charlie to wrap him in his arms.

“Right?” asked Charlie. “Wilco could teach a masterclass on meddling, apparently.”

Nick nodded against his neck, but the mood quickly changed as he tilted his head to move his lips to Charlie’s neck, Charlie sighing and leaning his head to expose more skin. Nick took his time, tracing a path from Charlie’s shoulder to the spot where his ear and jaw met. Nick worked his way up to Charlie’s earlobe, sucking it into his mouth and gently biting, drawing his teeth across the skin as he released it, drawing a moan out of Charlie. Charlie twisted his head around to kiss Nick, Nick turning him in his arms so they faced each other. Charlie hitched his hips forward, lifting on his toes to grind against Nick for a moment before drawing back, smiling a little at the absolutely devastated look on Nick’s face when he did. 

“Go get on the bed,” Charlie said throatily. “I’ll be right back.” Nick looked at him hungrily but went to the bed as Charlie ducked into the en-suite to get what he had stowed in there in preparation. He got ready and went back out to see Nick on the bed, his shirt already unbuttoned, torso on display. Nick looked at him, and Charlie would remember that look and the tiny whimper Nick let out for the rest of his life.

“Is that my…” Nick pushed himself up on his hands, his eyes intense and dark with lust. 

Charlie turned and looked back at Nick over his shoulder, letting Nick take in the Nelson on the back of his jersey, wearing nothing else. “Yep. It’s your jersey. I had Imogen sneak me one and then I stashed it up here a few hours ago when we got here.” Charlie turned back around and leaned his hands on the bed, hips pressed against the mattress. “What…do you think?”

Nick growled and lunged forward, grabbing Charlie and wrestling him fully onto the bed until they landed with Nick on his back, Charlie squeezed between Nick’s thighs. Nick had grabbed the front of the jersey and pulled Charlie in towards him for a half-crazed kiss, the two of them moaning and already moving against each other. They eventually pulled away a fraction, both of them panting. “I…you are the fucking sexiest thing I have ever seen,” said Nick, giving Charlie a sharp tug at his hips to grind them together. “I can’t believe you snuck that in here, you absolute menace.”

Charlie grinned. “Remember that first night we were in here? I was wearing a ‘Walker’ shirt since that’s all Wilco had and you said you wished I had a different name on my back.” He slowly fucked his hips forward against Nick and kissed up his neck, Nick whining and writhing underneath him. “Now I do.”

“Fuck,” Nick groaned as Charlie rolled and humped against him. “I wanna…god, I want you.”

“What do you want to do, baby?” asked Charlie. “How do you want this?”

Nick swallowed, looking hazy. “I…god, I’m still so charged up after the match. Can I - top?”

“You want to fuck me wearing your name on my back?” purred Charlie, making Nick moan with want. “I think that’s goddamn perfect.” He rolled off of Nick, Nick reluctantly releasing him from the cage of his thighs. Charlie had also preemptively put lube in the bedside table, knowing that neither of them would be able to wait all day without properly celebrating. Charlie squeaked when he felt himself jerked back by his hips, Nick pulling at him with powerful tugs, bringing Charlie’s ass towards him. Charlie got himself on his knees and forearms for Nick to prep, Nick already moaning at the position Charlie was in, the name clear on his back and all of him spread for Nick. 

Nick got behind him and Charlie shivered at Nick’s breath against him, trailing up his thighs and across his cheeks, Nick occasionally scraping him with his stubble as he kissed and gently bit the smooth skin there. Nick reached to Charlie’s hand to take the lube and entered Charlie with a finger, not even stopping to tease this time. Charlie groaned in anticipation and Nick took the invitation to move, starting slowly and adding another finger when Charlie told him to. Within minutes, Charlie was ready to go, his head buzzing and body feeling like it was effervescent, every cell sparking. Charlie pressed back against Nick’s hand, letting out tiny sounds that got louder, the din of the party masking any risk of being overheard.

“Fuck, Charlie, I want you so badly,” said Nick, his voice ragged.

“Me too,” said Charlie. “Now.” 

Nick carefully drew out and Charlie moved quickly, spinning to pin Nick to the bed. Nick smiled up at him, Charlie’s thighs spread on either side of his hips. Charlie leaned in close to Nick’s ear. “I’m going to ride you, so you can see your name on my back while you fuck me.” Nick made a strangled, affirmative sound that Charlie understood as unmitigated enthusiasm. Nick reached his hands towards Charlie’s hips to take them, but Charlie stopped his hands with a smirk and turned around to take Nick reverse-cowboy style, Nick making a low, breathy sound. He lined himself up and slowly started to press down onto Nick’s cock, Nick choking out a high sound as he watched Charlie. 

Charlie took his time as he took more and more of Nick, Nick making a symphony of noises behind him. Charlie bottomed out and rolled his head back to look over his shoulder to give Nick a wink. He felt his low belly seize with pleasure at the look on Nick’s face, adding to how good Charlie already felt. How powerful and sexy he felt. Nick’s eyes were blown out, shades darker than normal. He sat up slightly to run his fingers across the name on Charlie’s back, the shift in his abs making Charlie moan pleasurably. 

“You wearing my name, Char…fuck, this is so hot,” said Nick, dropping back down and putting his hands on Charlie’s calves, giving them a squeeze, his fingers trembling a little.

“You think that’s hot,” murmured Charlie, pressing himself up on his thighs and sinking back down, the two of their voices mingling as they groaned. Charlie lifted himself up and came back down, gently at first and then harder, Nick’s hands all over him as he lifted up and then ground forward on the downstroke, Nick making obscene noises. Charlie rode Nick hard, lifting up to just keep the head of Nick’s cock in him and then rolling back down, punching a sound out of Nick each time. He started to speed up with smaller movement, but Nick caught him by the hips and Charlie turned to look at him. 

“Can we - will you go on your back?” asked Nick. “You’re so fucking hot like this but I - I want to see you tonight.”

Charlie smiled and carefully lifted off of Nick, both of them sighing at the feeling. He moved around and lay back, Nick tucking a pillow under his hips to lift him slightly. Nick repositioned himself and pressed Charlie’s knees to his chest, pushing his broad hands against Charlie’s thighs. The jersey was now bunched up around Charlie’s chest, and Nick leaned forward to press several kisses to Charlie’s stomach, almost worshipful in his attention. He moved his hand up and traced over the emblem on the jersey, the Badgers seal, the assistant captain’s mark, then lifted it to touch Charlie’s cheek. “Char…” Nick raised his head to connect their gazes. 

“I know,” said Charlie, not even needing Nick to say the words. He always loved when Nick told him he loved him, but Charlie felt it in every action, too, every touch of Nick’s hand that was filled with respect and kindness and admiration and passion. He felt it continually in Nick’s words and the gestures he did for Charlie, the small things like putting toothpaste on his brush before Charlie came in to get ready for bed. And he loved it here, the love clear from Nick when they were in bed together, no matter how hard or soft it was. It was always rooted in mutual trust and pleasure, and Charlie loved that so fucking much. He loved Nick so much.

Nick leaned forward once more to kiss Charlie, and then used his hand to guide himself to Charlie’s entrance. He pushed in, both of their soft gasps mixing again, and then pushed forward, his thrusts quickening and deepening as Charlie urged him to go harder, harder. Charlie was laying back, fighting to keep his eyes open with the overwhelming sensations, but loving watching Nick, loved watching Nick disappear into his body again and again. Nick changed his position slightly so that he could fuck up and in with his hips, brushing Charlie’s prostate and making him moan. 

“Oh, fuck, yes, right there,” Charlie said breathlessly, making tiny movements with his hips to amplify the feeling. Nick shifted his weight to his left hand to brace himself, and then used his right to stroke Charlie at the same time. The mix of it all - being filled, the sparkling electricity of his prostate, and Nick’s hand on him - made Charlie almost literally see stars, gasping out a warning to Nick that he was coming. Charlie shouted out a half-syllable as he did, feeling himself pulsating around Nick as he came. Nick’s eyes fluttered a little as Charlie quivered around him, slowly but not stopping, keeping his hand on Charlie to work him fully through it. Charlie finished and dropped his head back with a throaty, satisfied sigh. Nick leaned down to kiss him softly, and then gave him a questioning look. Charlie smiled back up at him. “Don’t you dare stop,” he said. “Keep going until you come for me, baby.”

Nick made another low, rumbling sound and Charlie twitched at the look in his eye. Nick dropped his head and sped up his hips, pounding into Charlie as Charlie moaned and sighed, body still crackling with feeling. He loved it when Nick went hard, when he acted a little selfishly in bed. It didn’t take Nick long; he gave Charlie a few hard thrusts, Charlie squealing a little in pleasure at the deepest ones, then pressed in hard as he came, hips twitching as he ground against Charlie. He finished and half-laid on Charlie, the two of them breathing hard as they recovered.

“Fuck,” said Charlie thoughtfully. “That was…fuck. You should win the Champions Cup every year.” 

Nick laughed and carefully pulled out. “If it means doing that again? Fuck to the yes.” He got up cautiously, trying to avoid any mess, and used the wet wipes in the en-suite to clean both of them up. Even though the sheets looked okay, they still stripped the bed and Nick ducked into the hallway to start the wash, ever-conscientious. They both re-dressed and washed up, then stood in the room for a minute holding each other, their gaze over the place where it all started. 

“Pretty nice full circle, huh?” asked Charlie. 

“Yep,” agreed Nick. “And the most incredible part is that we get to go downstairs this time with nothing to hide now, yeah?”

Charlie smiled and kissed him. There really was nothing more incredible than that. They went back downstairs to a riot of noise, the party having clearly picked up even more. The downstairs was raucous, a mix of people having the time of their lives. An impromptu dance party was happening in the kitchen, Tara laughing from the countertop as she watched Darcy, Amy, and Imogen point to people to encourage them to break out a dance move. Hunter, Danny, and Harriet all pulled out impressive moves, while some of the others made up for their lack of skill with boundless enthusiasm, Tex and Seamus included. 

Charlie and Nick re-joined everyone in the kitchen, Seamus grinning at them with a cheeky look, toasting his glass towards them.

“Did you two just bang? You look like pure sex, Nelson, your fucking hair.”

Harriet, sitting with Siobhan, gave Seamus a shove. “So says the walking hickey,” she said with a roll of her eyes, gesturing to his neck.

“What?” Seamus said with a shrug, wrapping his other arm around Amy, who smirked. “The parents and kids are gone now; we have a duty to be our full, perverted, disgusting selves. I applaud you, Nick and Charlie. May we all be as insatiably randy as the two of you are forever.”

“Amen,” said Darcy, toasting her drink as she slid a hand up Tara’s thigh, making her giggle and catch Darcy’s hand before it got too inappropriate. 

They all laughed, and Charlie tried to force the blush down on his cheeks. Looking around, everyone was indeed in fine form. Danny and James were playing beer pong against Wilco and Annette, James wrapped around Danny from behind as he prepared to throw, though he seemed a little too distracted to truly be on his best game. They had told Nick and Charlie about their plans to come out in the next few weeks, with no statement, no big announcement. They were just going to live as being out together, allow pictures to be taken of them holding hands and kissing and being themselves. Danny and James had both approached Nick and Charlie separately to thank them for the groundwork they had laid that helped them, though both of them had waved it off. 

The party paused for a moment when there was a small uproar, Stig and Lunker streaking through the party carrying the replica trophy that the Badgers were awarded, wearing only tiny British flag budgie smugglers, everyone roaring with laughter. Charlie caught Emma’s eye, who looked at him and shrugged, laughing in a “what can you do about it?” type gesture. 

The night got more debaucherous as it continued, everyone drunk, happy, and celebratory. Charlie felt like every time he turned a corner there was someone making out…or more. He almost lost track: Amy and Seamus, Imogen and Sahar, Elle and Tao, Tori and Michael (that one was scarring), Wilco and Annette (somehow even more scarring?), James and Danny, Tex and Regan, Jake and Hunter - Jake and Hunter? Amy and Charlie were headed downstairs to get more wine from the cellar at Annette’s request when they walked into Amy’s brother and Tex’s brother locked together in some sort of vertical, passionate wrestling match. They both looked up when Charlie swung the wine cellar door open, Charlie not sure who was more surprised.

“Er,” said Charlie, glancing at Amy. “Sorry for…interrupting. Annette sent us down to get…wine?” Hunter was eyeing Amy, too, looking like he was trying to gauge her reaction. 

Amy had a stunned and impressed look on her face. She glanced at Hunter and gave an approving nod. “Nice pull, JJ.”

Jake laughed. “Surprised?”

“Uh, yeah,” said Amy with a laugh. “You date guys, huh? Or hook up with guys?”

“Yeah, both,” said Jake. “I figured it wouldn’t matter to you either way. Was I right?”

“Of course,” said Amy, grinning. “You do you, Jakey. Which is - Hunter I guess.” She and Hunter laughed and Jake blushed. “I guess this makes sense now why you spent so much time in London between matches…”

“Can’t help that I have this animal magnetism,” said Hunter breezily, giving Jake a little pinch on the side. Jake smirked. 

Charlie grabbed the bottles of wine and backed away. “We’ll leave you, um…to it?”

He and Amy turned tail and Hunter and Jake turned back towards each other as they retreated. 

“Huh,” said Amy thoughtfully. “Who knew?”

“Are you not, like…shocked?”

“Nah,” said Amy. “I mean, surprised, yeah? But Jake’s always been open to literally everything in life. And we never talk about who we, like, hook up with. I mean, who wants to hear who their sibling is hooking up with, right?” 

Charlie thought of accidentally seeing Tori and Michael getting handsy earlier and shuddered. “Right.”

They headed upstairs to rejoin the party, the two of them splitting off to their loves, Nick greeting Charlie like Charlie had just come back from the war and Seamus greeting Amy mouth-first.

“Hi - oof,” said Charlie, Nick semi-tackling him with a giant Nick Nelson hug. “How are you doing, baby?”

“Amazing,” said Nick, kissing Charlie a few soft times in a row. “Just thinking about…this summer. You and me, Charlie. We’re going to have all summer.” Charlie closed his eyes, thinking about that. Him and Nick, two full, blissful months off before they needed to start in earnest again for the season. That was heaven. “Where do you want to go with me?”

“Anywhere,” said Charlie. “Anywhere with you.”

-

The following week was a blurry combination of fun and team logistics and events. There were several celebrations in Leeds, and Sarah and Charlie’s family stuck around for most of them. David had even come back up for one of the celebrations, and Sarah, Charlie, Nick, and David enjoyed a brunch that was at least 31 percent less uncomfortable than Charlie had anticipated. David seemed a little taken aback at how close Sarah and Charlie already were, and spent most of the meal fairly quiet, with minimal assholery. Nick had taken Olly to see and get to hold the replica Cup that the Badgers had won, and Charlie knew that he had forever lost the “best gift of Olly’s life” competition to Nick. He couldn’t be too angry about it. Charlie had taken a picture of Olly and Nick together when Nick took him to the stadium to get to see the Cup. Nick was hoisting Olly on his shoulder, who was in turn holding the Cup, and the expressions of sheer joy on both of their faces was something magical. 

With so much going on, Charlie was glad to find a rare free stretch of time that week to work out with Tex. They’d continued their training sessions together since Tex had joined the Badgers, both of them agreeing that they’d still like to make it a weekly tradition during the off season. As it had gotten nicer, they’d incorporated more running, and today the two of them were taking advantage of a beautiful day to stretch their legs. They drove to the park close to the stadium and ran a couple loops, just shy of six kilometers. Tex and Charlie were both fast and pushed each other well, and though they were both exhausted at the end, they broke into a competitive sprint before stumbling into the grass to catch their breath. They stretched out for a few minutes before standing up to leave, taking the short walk to the car park. 

The path intersected with another to feed into a larger one, and engrossed in conversation, Charlie didn’t notice who they nearly walked into. The person was equally startled, having been looking at their phone with their headphones in. Charlie looked up in surprise at the sleek head of hair, the sharp jawline, the handsome face with the ugly heart. 

What the actual fuck. 

Charlie and Ben stared at each other for a second, Charlie not sure who was more taken aback. 

Ben spoke first, his lip curled and derision in his voice. “Charlie Spring.”

Tex looked at Charlie and the expression on his face, then looked at Ben with suspicion. “Who’s this guy?”

Charlie didn’t respond to either of them. Ben had put him through hell. He’d made Charlie feel like nothing; like a dirty secret not worth telling. He made Charlie feel like he was shame himself. Ben had tried to upend Nick’s life (and his), sending both of them into one of the worst 24 hours either of them had ever had. Ben had been the villain in his story in so many ways. But as Charlie looked at Ben for another long moment, a million images and thoughts raced through his head. He saw himself and Nick holding hands after Ben had threatened them in the hallway. He saw Nick telling Amy that the two of them were dating. He was back on the couch as Nick told Sarah about them, and then telling his family over Facetime. Charlie saw the two of them holding each other when Nick came back early from France, Nick telling him how much he loved them. He remembered the two of them agreeing someone like Ben wouldn’t put a dent in their foundation, how strong they were together. He thought about how they had chosen to not tell the team it was Ben who released the picture. They had decided not to pursue charges. With all of that swirling, Charlie was able to see Ben for what he was. A tiny, angry thing, consumed by his own hate and trying to turn that hate outward by making others feel just as small, instead of addressing his own self-loathing. And the thing was - it hadn’t worked. Charlie and Nick had continually grown - in themselves, in their community, and in their love. Ben was…nothing. 

Charlie hadn’t really parsed that he was still looking at Ben, contemplating all of this. Ben spoke again, the sinister arrogance he always had evident. “You obsessed with me or something?”

Charlie had to laugh. It was an irrational reaction to seeing this man who tried to destroy him, but it bubbled up. He let out a little chuckle and shook his head. He had the right to be angry, he knew that. He had the right to be fucking furious. Ben’s face tightened; clearly this wasn’t a reaction he was expecting either. “No,” Charlie said, starting to turn away. Ben didn’t deserve another moment of any of Charlie’s light.

“What, can’t look at me in the face?” Ben’s voice had an edge of a taunt in it, and the little barb was so inane, so wildly delusional that Ben thought he had any power here after everything he did and all the grace Nick and Charlie had shown.

Charlie turned back and looked at Ben squarely. “Oh, I can,” he said. “I can look at you in the face easily. And I see your face. I know who you are. We could have unmasked you, you know. Nick and I could have told the team. Our families. We could have pressed charges. And we didn’t.”

“Seriously, who the fuck is this guy?”

Charlie ignored Tex and went on. “We could have. We could have ruined your life, just like you tried to do to us. And why’d you do that, Ben? I’ll never know. I’ll never know what made you choose to, like, actively try to hurt someone else. But whatever you were trying to do, you failed. I’m happy. Nick is happy. We’re living together, did you know that? And Nick came out publicly? And now other players did, too, because of him coming out? Whatever queer happiness you wanted to ruin so you didn’t feel so sick about your own shame - you failed, Ben. We know who we are. We’re good people. We’re happy. I’m sorry you’ll never be.”

With that, Charlie turned fully, giving Tex a firm nod to indicate that they should go. Tex looked puzzled and angry, but gave one more scathing glare at Ben before turning as well, clearly trusting Charlie’s judgment here. 

“He’s going to leave you, you know,” called Ben to Charlie’s back, the sneer still in his voice. “The rugby king.” Ben nearly spit the words. “You were just an easy shag during the season. But now that it’s over and the team won that stupid fucking trophy, he won’t have any use for you. That’s all you’re good for. You were always just a desperate little slu-“

Charlie used the force of his turn to push off his back leg, pivot from his hip, and keep his elbow level with his wrist to land a solid right hook just like Tex had taught him. He caught Ben cleanly in the face, sending him sprawling back to the grass, Ben totally off guard. Charlie stood over him for a moment, his breath heavy, the anger that boiled over in a fierce wave slowly ebbing away. “You don’t get to have an opinion about anything I do. Just leave me alone. Leave us alone. You don’t matter to us. Got that?”

Ben stared in utter shock for a moment (did he almost look emotional?) before giving a quick, almost-imperceptible nod and scrambling back to push himself up on his hands. He hurried away from the car park, looking back once over his shoulder at Charlie and Tex, who had jumped close to help and now had a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, as if he thought he might need to grab him. Charlie let out a long breath as Ben cowered away, torn between a tiny amount of regret for letting his temper get the best of him and the larger feeling of some delicious, deserved karmic payback to that absolute cockwomble.

“Fuck, Springtime!” exclaimed Tex, clapping him on the back once Ben was gone. “I don’t know who that pigfucker was, but damn, hell of a hook!”

Charlie looked at his hand in surprise and flexed it a couple times. “That was…he was the one who tried to like, blackmail me and Nick. By releasing pictures of us together before we were out.”

“That’s what I thought from what you said,” muttered Tex, staring after Ben’s wake like he wanted to go after him too. “I’m glad you popped him before I did.” He looked at Charlie. “You all right?”

Charlie considered. “Yeah. I am. He - fuck. That guy tried to ruin our lives. But honestly - he’s too busy ruining his own, I think.”

Tex gave a nod. “What’s the saying? The best revenge is living well?” Charlie nodded. “Well, it’s that and decking the son of a bitch. I think that’s the rest of the saying.”

Charlie gave a dark chuckle. “I think it’s it, yeah. Or maybe it should be.”

After Tex dropped Charlie off at home and Charlie told Nick what happened, Nick fawned over him like he was the one who had gotten punched. He insisted on wrapping up Charlie’s hand and fussed over him with ice in a way that made Charlie fall even more deeply in love with him somehow. They talked about it and how Charlie was feeling - which was honestly great. Maybe better than he should have after punching someone in the face, but Nick quickly dismissed that idea. 

“It almost, like…felt like closing that book,” said Charlie, musingly. “That was the part of ‘the before’, you know? The before, when we were like, hiding. And he was almost a symbol of that. And he held some power, even if we didn’t want him to. But now - he’s got nothing. No power. No impact.” Nick nodded thoughtfully, listening. Charlie paused, considering. “In a way, I almost feel sorry for him.”

“Yeah?” said Nick softly, pulling Charlie close and kissing his hair. ‘Then you’re a better person than I am. What makes you feel like that?”

Charlie sighed into the feeling of closeness with Nick. “He has to go his whole life being that miserable and hateful. And for us?” He looked at Nick and rubbed his cheek against Nick’s, the rasp of the stubble delicious. “It’s going to be nothing but joy. We all have just the one life to live. And he’s going to choose to waste his just drowning in anger. And choosing to hate who he is and trying to make other people like him hate themselves just as much. But not us. For us, it’s…just like, each day is new and might be good or bad, but no matter what, we have each other. We’ve got love, you know? That’ll win every time.”

-

Nick and Charlie were sitting by the sea, on a large blanket Nick had laid over the beach. Nick had brought a second blanket that they had folded up and were using as a shared pillow, their heads tipped towards one another, listening to music, talking, and sitting in silence. They’d had an amazing afternoon, walking through the town holding hands, getting food, and even ducking into an arcade. Nick had seen a photo booth and his eyes lit up, pulling Charlie in. They were far too large to fit comfortably in the small seat together, Nick pulling Charlie onto his lap for the pictures. The resulting reel featured two giggling, affectionate men, their eyes trained on each other, mouths open in laughing delight, or closed in a smiling kiss. 

The June sun was shining down on them. They were four weeks past the Champions Cup, the month filled with celebrations, visits to Sarah’s house, and a visit from Olly and Charlie’s parents. They’d had weeks of blissful days together in the house and around Leeds, but this was their first week just for them, with no one visiting and no one to visit. They’d gone to Salcombe for a full week, and on the third day of their trip, had finally emerged from their suite to be among the living again. 

They had Nick’s phone tucked between them, listening to music and basking in the gorgeous day. A song ended and Nick sighed, a long, content exhale. He propped himself up on one of his elbows, using his hand to support his head, and rolled towards Charlie. Charlie turned himself to face Nick as well, taking the same position. 

“What’s up, baby?”

Nick smiled at him, reaching his free hand to caress Charlie’s cheek. “You know…when we were preparing for the championship, Lucy told me that some players feel like there’s a huge letdown after they win. Like, they’re really happy for a few days or a week or whatever, and then they feel this, like sadness after.”

“Yeah?” asked Charlie. “What’s that about?”

“Well, she said a lot of players – and people in general, not just people in sport – get convinced that they’re going to do this one thing and then they’ll be happy. Like, get a new job, win a championship, win the lottery, whatever. They’ll accomplish that thing, and then they’ll be happy. And then they realize that then there’s something else they’re still looking for, the next ‘thing’ that’s going to make them happy. Or some others feel like, oh - this is the biggest high I’ll ever get, and now nothing else will be like that. Nothing else will ever measure up.”

Charlie raised up a little more on his elbow, looking at Nick with mild worry. “Do you - is that how you feel?”

Nick shook his head and moved his hand up to drift into Charlie’s hair. “No. It’s the complete opposite for me, actually. I’ve been thinking about that for the last few weeks. Like, I am so fucking happy we won. This is - that is one of the most amazing things that has ever happened. And no matter what else happens in my life, I had that moment, and that win. That’s incredible. But I thought about it. I don’t feel this letdown. And I know why. It’s because - it’s because I found you, Char. It’s not like ‘Oh, I’ve accomplished the biggest thing I can imagine, now what else is there for me?’. It’s more like - wow, I’ve found this person that is the biggest thing I can imagine. With you - it’s a whole lifetime of the biggest thing. It’s not, like…accomplishing something. It’s - it’s the idea that it’s us, Char. And we have this whole lifetime of getting to be together, and grow together, and keep learning new things about each other. It’ll never be one, like, big accomplishment. It’s going to be this forever of getting to be with each other.” Charlie could feel his breath catching as Nick spoke. This man. He was putting into words the exact same thing that Charlie had been thinking about as well, ruminating on the last month; the last ten months since Nick had been in his life. “Or at least…” Nick trailed off, looking intently at Charlie, smoothing a thumb over his eyebrow. “At least that’s what I want. With you.”

“Nick…” Charlie started, not knowing exactly how he wanted to say what he wanted to say. He took a deep breath to ground himself and started again. “That’s - that’s literally everything I want. I want a lifetime of you, and us. Of getting to wake up in the same bed as you, or making coffee together, or leaving you notes, or just like, both yelling about stupid drivers or whatever. I want that, too. You and me - and every moment. I love you so, so much, Nick.”

“I love you too,” whispered Nick. “And I’ve been thinking about how long we’ve been together, and, like, what’s reasonable to ask or expect when you’ve been together this long…” Nick looked at Charlie, and Charlie’s heart sped up. “When you Google it – stop giggling, Charlie! – when you Google it, everything says you need to really know someone before committing to them forever, and a lot of stuff says that you need to be together longer than we have. But Char, I know. I know. I know you’re it for me. I’m done.” Charlie’s heart was now going a million miles a minute, and he wondered if the moment was coming. The moment he had also been thinking about.

“I know you might not be ready for that,” continued Nick. “But I wanted you to know how much I love you. And I’m ready for that. But I’d wait as long as you needed. And I want you to know that the only future I imagine is with you. And that I don’t have any doubts - at all. About you, about us, about our future together. I hope that doesn’t feel like too much too soon, Charlie. I don’t want to like, scare you with a ring or anything yet; I just…I wanted you to know.”

Charlie stared at this man, the man he loved with every piece of his body and heart. Every word Nick was saying was a word he had rehearsed in his own brain over the last few weeks, but had been similarly convinced it would be too soon to say it. He took a deep breath and gathered all of his courage, his stomach swooping. “Well, I-” His voice caught and he tried again “… I have a ring.” 

Charlie reached slowly into his pocket with shaking fingers, where he’d kept the ring that he found that day he and Amy went shopping in Toulouse, the one that drew him into the store when he saw it in the window. Amy had been at her best in that moment, telling him that if the ring made him think of Nick, there was no ‘too soon’ on buying something for whenever he’d use it. The ring was on the thinner side, thin enough that he’d kept it in his thick leather wallet ever since, just loving the idea of having it on him. It was a simple ring, made of hammered gold. It was delicate but strong, beautiful and nuanced, with hundreds of facets. It was…Nick. 

Charlie looked at Nick, whose eyes were filled with so many things. Surprise, joy, certainty, but mostly overwhelming and staggering love. Charlie turned the ring over in his fingers and then held it out towards Nick. “I feel - I feel the exact same, Nick. And like, I don’t need us to get engaged because I’m worried about how committed you are or I am and want something as a promise to ease anything. I…I just feel the same way. We’ve been through so much, and we’ve seen who each other is, like - fully. In the good, the bad. Every single thing we’ve gone through and that we continue to go through, I see another part of you, and every part is so beautiful, Nick. Every part of you is a part that I love and appreciate and want to keep seeing change and grow. You - you are it for me, love.”

Nick reached a trembling hand towards Charlie’s face, making contact, Charlie blinking a few tears out of his eyes at the soft touch. Nick took a shaky breath and then bit his lower lip. “I…” he trailed off, and then reached into his back pocket, looking a little abashed. “I…have a ring, too,” he admitted. Charlie’s stomach swooped back up somewhere in the vicinity of his pituitary gland as Nick reached into his back pocket. 

Nick took a velvet pouch out of his back pocket and opened its neck, pulling out a gorgeous brushed golden band with a thin line of four tiny sapphires forming a vertical stripe on one part of the ring. “I just - I didn’t want you to feel pressured with a ring too soon. Because I feel the same way as you, Charlie,” he said. “I don’t need to get engaged to you because I’m worried about where we’re going. But I want to be,” he said softly, his eyes deep in Charlie’s. “Because there is no other person in this world I feel about like I do with you.”

Charlie stared at the ring for a moment, still holding his own. “Where - when did you get this?” 

Nick blushed. “A couple months ago, actually. Lunker wanted someone to go with him for the final ring sizing for Emma before Easter, and asked me to go. He said I was the, and I quote, ‘least obnoxious’, which I took as a massive compliment. And we were there, and I saw this. And Lunker saw me looking. I couldn’t stop staring at it, Char - it’s you. It’s…” Nick turned the ring over in his fingers almost reverently. “It’s gold-plated tungsten - so it’s both gorgeous on the outside, and stronger than you’d ever imagine on the inside. And then there’s this line of sapphires, which just made me think of you, Char. So bright and colorful and…brilliant. The color is just - you.” Charlie smiled, his throat aching with emotion. Nick looked up at Charlie, his eyes similarly expressive. “When did you get that one?”

Charlie smiled. “When we were in France. It was kind of similar - Amy and I were shopping and I saw this in the window of this tiny shop. And it’s you, Nick. There are so many sides to it, just like there are to you.”

Nick cleared his throat and blinked up at the sky for a few seconds before he chuckled. “So…we’ve both been walking around with rings for each other for weeks?”

Charlie laughed softly as a few soft tears fell from his own eyes. “Why are we like this?”

Nick laughed too, and then slid his ring onto Charlie’s finger. Charlie stared at it in wonder and joy for a moment before putting the hammered gold band on Nick’s, both of them having judged the sizes well. He watched Nick staring down at his own hand with a soft, brilliant smile on his face before their eyes met again. They pulled towards one another, Charlie slotting in between Nick’s thighs to kiss this man, the man he wanted to spend his life with. That he was going to spend his life with. They held each other for a long moment before Charlie felt a tear drip down his face, but it wasn’t his. It was Nick’s.

“Nick? Baby, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” said Nick, his voice husky. “I just…I think back to a year ago, or three years ago, or five years ago. When I thought I had to be a certain way. I never thought this would happen to me.”

Charlie smiled and touched his forehead against Nick’s. “Me neither,” he whispered. 

“Charlie?”

“Yeah?”

“Does this mean we’re fiancés?”

Charlie laughed, the sound loud and bright and carried away by the wind. “Uh, yes? Was that not established when we literally gave each other engagement rings?”

Nick laughed too. “Well, we never…” He shook his head, smiling, and then pulled away from Charlie to adjust so he was on one knee. “Charles Francis Spring?”

Charlie looked up for a moment to blink the tears out of his eyes before he took the same position, dropping to his own knee to mirror Nick. “Nicholas Luke Nelson?”

“Will you marry me?” asked Nick, their hands gripped, each others’ opposite hands caressing the rings they’d exchanged.

“Only if you’ll marry me,” said Charlie. 

Nick closed his eyes and looked up, nodding. “Yes, Charlie. Yes. And…will you? Marry me?”

“Yes,” responded Charlie, the sound between a laugh and a sob. 

Nick stared at him, his eyes brimming with love and sheer, unadulterated joy. He moved suddenly, launching himself at Charlie to scoop him up, Charlie exclaiming. He ran the two of them into the sea, carrying Charlie, the cold water a shock even with the warm June sun overhead. 

“You’re my fiancé! I’m your fiancé! We’re fiancés!”

Charlie closed his eyes and laughed, long and loud, his arms around Nick, the droplets of water splashing up making his vision sparkle. Nick stagger-walked them back to the towel and gently laid Charlie down first, then joined him, the two of them facing each other on their sides, faces inches apart, bodies pressed together. 

“Hi,” said Charlie, the grin permanent on his face. He didn’t know if it would ever fade.

“Hi,” said Nick, curling his fingers around Charlie’s. 

“We’re engaged now, huh?”

“Yep,” said Nick, smiling around the word.

“And now we’re going to tell people?”

“Yeah,” said Nick, utterly content and relaxed, nuzzling his face into Charlie’s neck. 

Charlie smiled. He felt the sand beneath him, Nick’s body around his. He felt the sun on his face, the metal of the new ring on his finger. He heard birds calling as they swooped through the sky, and the gentle rhythm of the ocean. He sighed into it all, this one moment, this now.