Chapter Text
"Dean?"
Dean was frozen. He could see Cas sitting there staring at him with confusion and concern, and could see his lips part to speak, but he couldn't seem to hear what he said over the sound of his own heart pounding like a bass drum in his ears.
"Dean?"
Dean blinked rapidly and tried to shake off his shock. "Cas?" He rasped, and the sound of his own voice was strange in his ears - thin, afraid, and so vulnerable - like if he said it too loud, the Empty would come and would take Cas away again and he didn't dare risk it.
"Dean? What...?" Cas looked around and Dean could see his confusion and surprise play out on his features and then their gazes met again. "We're...Dean, this is the Empty."
It was so obvious - so matter-of-fact, that Dean couldn't handle it. It broke through the terror and grief and somehow found that little piece of his heart that hadn't been completely crushed, and Dean felt his lip twitch and curve upward all on its own.
"Yeah..." He managed, his voice thick with emotion and his vision swimming with tears.
Cas stared at him in disbelief and concern. "Dean...what are you doing here? You can't..."
But Dean didn't hear it and he didn't let him finish, because in a movement as sudden to him as it was to Cas, he launched himself up and forward, and enveloped Cas in a crushing embrace. Cas made a sound of surprise as he was caught off-guard and Dean squeezed him so tightly that his arms hurt, but he didn't care - especially when Cas raised his arms to hold him back. It had already lasted longer than any hug Dean could ever remember giving anyone , but he still couldn't make himself let go. He didn't want to ever let go, and wasn't sure that he even could . Cas was here and he was alive and Dean had found him . There were a million thoughts and feelings racing through his mind and his heart was threatening to burst right out of his chest, but he couldn't find the words.
"Dean..." Cas said gently. "Dean?"
Dean swallowed, but he still didn't let go. "I came to find you," he murmured against Cas' shoulder.
"I can see that. How...how did you find me?"
How did Dean even begin to answer that question?! How did he tell Cas that he'd spent a hundred years looking for him and lost his entire damn mind over and over until he finally got the bright idea to call Jack for help?
Dean jolted. Jack .
"Shit. Jack." He pulled away quickly and Cas eyed him with even more confusion.
"Jack?"
Dean swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, he...I came here looking for you, but I couldn't...I called Jack. He...he helped." Dean looked around them, but the Empty was as empty as ever and Jack was nowhere to be seen. Where the hell did he go?!
Cas' brows furrowed in concern as he followed Dean's gaze. "He's here ?"
"Yeah," Dean admitted. "I...I don't know where he went. He told me to stay, and...and then I found you."
Cas seemed to consider that and looked down at the syringe in his hand. "My grace..."
"Yeah...you uhh...you wouldn't wake up. I had to take it out."
Cas appeared to understand and nodded. "Right. Of course. The Empty can't keep me without it."
"Yeah. Exactly." Dean swallowed. He didn't know why he was being so awkward. He'd literally spent a hundred years fighting for a chance to say what he needed to say to Cas - to tell him the truth , and now he'd finally found him, and he was struggling to say a single damn word! What the hell was his malfunction?! Frustrated, Dean clambered up to his feet and reached a hand down toward Cas. "We should go."
Cas took his hand and let Dean help him to his feet. "What about Jack?"
Dean looked around again and threw out a silent prayer across the void. 'Jack, I've got him. Wherever you are, time to amscray, kid.' Cas was still eyeing him with a worried look. "I called him. He'll be fine. Come on."
Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out the paper. He hoped Jack had heard him, because he was not sticking around in this hellhole for one minute longer if he could help it. He nodded at the syringe in Cas' hand.
"Hold on to that."
Cas nodded, and Dean mentally kicked himself. He doubted Cas needed to be told that, so he didn't even know why he'd said it. Maybe he was just searching for anything to say except for the one thing that felt like it was lodged in his throat and choking him. Dean swallowed and then read the words slowly - taking great care with the pronunciation and hoping with everything he had that this would work. Fortunately, as soon as the last word left his lips, the swirling portal appeared, and Dean had to bite back the urge to cry out in relief. He glanced over at Cas.
"Come on, Cas. We gotta go."
Cas nodded, but Dean could see his reluctance and could read the worry in his look. Jack . He was afraid to leave without Jack. Dean didn't exactly want to leave the kid either, but he didn't know what else to do. He sighed and tried again, and this time, he said the prayer aloud.
"Jack...come in Jack. Target acquired. Door is open. Where you at? Do you copy - over?"
"I heard you the first time, Dean." Dean spun with a jolt to see Jack standing there behind him with a half smile and looking at Cas with fondness. He glared at the nephilim with irritation.
"It's about time." He gestured at the portal. "Come on, man. Clock's ticking."
Jack shook his head. "You go ahead. I'm not coming."
"WHAT?!" Dean and Cas cried in unison, both staring at Jack like he'd lost his mind, but Jack only waved them off with a mild expression.
"You can go ahead. Don't worry. I made another door, so I don't need this one."
Dean didn't know what to make of that. He made a door? How the hell did he do that when he couldn't even get into the Empty without Dean's help?!
"Are you sure?" Cas asked warily.
"Yes." Jack nodded. "Go. I will join you later - when I finish up here."
Dean couldn't even begin to guess what the hell that meant, and Jack apparently didn't see a need to explain. Cas, however, seemed to accept his answer and nodded. "Thank you, Jack."
Jack smiled. "You're welcome - but you should know, I never could have done it without him. This was Dean's idea. I just helped a little."
Dean swallowed. "Thanks, kid."
Jack practically beamed. "You're welcome, Dean. Now go home. Sam's waiting." He raised his hand in his usual wave. "See you."
And with that, he vanished just as silently as he'd appeared.
Dean turned back to Cas, and for some reason,even though he knew that he should just grab Cas by the hand and yank him through the portal - that everything he needed to say could wait just a little longer until they were at least clear of the Empty, he couldn't find it in himself to move a muscle. Cas met his gaze with a slightly puzzled look - as if wondering why they weren't moving toward the portal.
"I looked for you, Cas. I looked for a hundred years. I can...I can prove it to you."
Cas' expression was surprised at first and then softened, and Dean's mouth went dry. "I believe you, Dean."
"I...I have to tell you something, Cas. I have to...I couldn't say it before and then I didn't get a chance and then you were gone and I feel like if I don't say it right now I'm never gonna say it and I'll just..." It was all tumbling out of him now in a disjointed rush and he was tripping all over himself and couldn't stop it.
Cas stepped forward, took his hand and squeezed it, and Dean couldn't look away even if he'd tried. He swallowed.
"Then tell me, Dean." Cas pressed gently.
"I..." Dean faltered and it felt like his throat was closing. Why the hell was this so hard ?! What the hell was his damage ?! Frustrated, he frowned, dipped his head and sighed. "Cas, I..." He looked up to meet Cas' gaze, and there it was - that look in his eyes that he'd had as he'd poured out his entire heart to Dean - before the Empty came for him. And it was in that look that Dean felt the courage that had been eluding him.
"Me too, Cas. I...I love you too."
Cas didn't speak. He didn't have to, and Dean knew that he didn't have to say anything else. Not here . Not now . Now they could go home, and then maybe there, he'd find all the words that he couldn't say now. He squeezed Cas' hand back and smiled through the tears that swam in his vision and matched the ones welling in Cas' eyes too.
"Let's go home." He offered, finally.
Cas nodded, and Dean led him to the portal by the hand - neither one willing to let the other go even for a second. As Dean took a breath and stepped forward into the swirling portal, he turned his head.
And this time, when he looked for Cas, he found him right by his side - right where he belonged.
***THE END?***