Chapter Text
“You know Varric, you should come to see me before Bogdan gets back. I’ve upgraded my workshop.” Bianca was playfully flirting with Varric, despite his repeated attempts to sway the conversation in another direction. Hawke was taking up the rear, and fuming at the female dwarf. She had confided in Nya that she came to make sure Bianca didn’t try anything on her storyteller, but he actually seemed to be fending her off on her own. At least attempting to. The small woman was relentless.
It was at this point that he missed a perfect opportunity to permanently dowse Bianca’s advances. Instead, what he said was terribly ambiguous. “You know if I come to see you, your family will kill me.” A giggle from the she-dwarf, a snort of derision from the Champion. “They will not kill you.”
“You always say that, and yet they always send assassins.” He never actually told her that he would come to see her, but he never actually said he would not either. Bull shook his head at Dorian, who let out a long and low whistle. They were not going to step in the middle of this particular love triangle.
They finally reached a door at the end of a long corridor. “There you are!” Bianca jogged toward a large table that held a book and a large, ornate key. Taking the key, she inserted it into a hole in the wall. Turning it, the group heard a series of mechanical sounds before an abrupt slam told them the door was locked. Nya’s eyes widened as she put the pieces together and realized that Hawke’s hunch was correct; Bianca was the leak.
Moira had apparently put the clues together as well, because out of nowhere, a ball of fire flew past them and slammed into the back of Bianca’s head. “You inconsiderate bitch!” The party whirled around to see a raging Hawke, staff drawn and eyes full of malice. “You put the Inquisitor AND Varric in danger because of a mistake YOU made?! What the hell were you thinking?!”
Before any of the rest of them realized what happened, an arrow was flying through the air toward Hawke’s face. With a sharp twist of her staff, the projectile was deflected and stuck in the wall to their right. Nya, Dorian and Bull backed away from the other three slowly, moving toward the opposite end of the corridor. Taking cover behind a large table that they had turned over only a little while earlier while scuffling with the miners, the three of them watched as years of tension finally came to a head.
“Oh, you want to play dwarf? Let’s play!” Fire erupted from Hawke’s hands and fireball after fireball shot toward Bianca. The small woman dodged them stealthily, aiming several more bolts at the human as she did so. “I don’t play unless I play to win!” Twangs issued from Bianca’s bow as she rapidly fired several arrows at the human. They nearly hit their mark, but Hawke let loose bolts of lightning from her hands and burned each of the flying stakes to a crisp. A feral roar ripped through Moira as she barreled straight toward the dwarf and tackled her to the ground.
Punch to the face. Elbow in the stomach. Bianca took a cheap shot and pulled her hair but Moira countered with a just as dirty kick to the groin.
The dwarf rolled over in pain, unable to continue their brawling. “Argh! You bitch…”
Varric, who has spent the entire course of their fight watching with a mix of terror and amusement, stepped over to Bianca to help her up off the floor. Hawke watched the action with hatred in her eyes. Dragging herself up off the ground, she surveyed her injuries, and seeing they were all minor, scooped up her staff and stalked off in the direction of the exit. Varric realized where she was headed and went after her.
“Hawke? Hawke, wait?!” He chased her, but a wave of her hand cast a spell back behind her, coalescing into a wall of ice between him and the exit. I’ll have to apologize to the Inquisitor later for leaving her to deal with that. She shook her head, but continued toward the mouth of the tunnel with heated defiance.
Varric ran face first into the wall, and upon seeing what impeded his way, slammed a fist into it. “Andraste’s flaming ass Bianca! What were you thinking?”
Bianca filled the party in on what she had discovered. It was a great idea, had the Grey Wardens not been corrupted by Corypheus. She had come to discover that the red lyrium was normal lyrium corrupted by the Blight. That meant that on some level, lyrium was alive, not a mineral like everyone had previously been led to believe. “I did this for you, you know! If you hadn’t kept that blasted lyrium shard…I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you. But I know now what I did was wrong… that is why I am trying to fix it. Can’t you see that?”
Varric sighed and nodded his head. “I know… Inquisitor, I think we are done here.”
Nya, who was now standing and flanked by Dorian and Iron Bull, nodded and with a wave of her hand, melted the ice wall that had hindered their progress. A head tilt to the gentlemen behind her told them to follow her out of the Deep Roads and allow Varric to follow at his leisure. Once they were out of earshot, Varric turned to Bianca. “B…there is something you have to know.”
Bianca stopped nursing her bruised cheek to look at him in the face. “I guess it has something to do with that temperamental mage you brought?” He rolled his eyes, “She is not just some mage. She is one of my closest friends.” She raised an eyebrow, shaking her head at him. “Seems like she wants to be a little more than friends.”
The truth of that statement stabbed Varric through the heart. Even Bianca could see it. He had known Hawke for close to eleven years, and he spent so much effort trying to cram his feelings down. For all that time, he held her at arms length, acting like there was nothing. Then there was the fact that she was always with someone. But then he realized he had always been with someone. He was a fool, and he hoped he would not pay for that. Thinking back, he now knew that he had rushed to help the wrong woman off of the floor. “Yeah, that’s what it's about… I…” Varric, normally a wizard with his words, found himself stumped. He had never thought to be in this situation, but here he was with so much to say, and no words to say it with. He took a deep breath, gathering the courage he barely had, to say something he never thought he would have to say, not to her.
“B, we can’t see each other anymore.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Clearly, this is not what she thought he was going to say. “Excuse me?”
He let loose a long breath. He had said the hardest bit, now it was just to continue. “Bianca, you’ve been married for years now, and I am tired of being chased by the Coterie every time you want to relive old times. The truth is, I should have told you this a long time ago, but it’s taken me this long to realize it. To realize why I really need to stop seeing you.”
She closed her eyes, but not in time to catch the tears that had formed on her lids. They rolled silently down her cheeks so she opened her eyes again and took in a quick breath. She had never expected him to find someone else; had hoped he never would find anyone else. She knew it was selfish and unfair, but she wanted to keep him to herself.
“You love her, don’t you?”
The words fell on the silent room like an explosion. “Yeah, I…I do. And I really want to try and give us a shot, but…I can’t do that as long as you are still in my life. It wouldn’t be fair to her.” The anger began to rise in her face, and she took a step closer to him. “I've known you longer than she has, why should I get dumped?”
“Because you dumped me a long time ago Bianca!”
She stepped back, surprised by his outburst, and he continued before she had the chance to argue. “I would have married you, but you had to go along with what your parents said. What would they have done? Taken away your inheritance? Big deal. You are such a gifted smith, you could have made a fortune tenfold in no time, especially with someone like me to help promote you. But no, you took the easy way, and now Bogham or whatever his name is will be taking credit and coin for your work as long as he lives. You made that choice Bianca, not me. And I have been stupid enough to hang on, hoping that something would change. But it won’t and it never will.” He turned away from her, pain in his eyes and his voice. He still loved Bianca, and part of him always would, but his heart now belonged to a very angry, very human mage. It had for so long, but he was afraid of change. Afraid to admit he needed to move on, so he stayed caught in a web of lies and infidelity. But it was time to be done with that and give his future a chance. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.
Bianca had tears running freely down her cheeks now. She knew he was right, as much as she hated to admit it. She had always wanted Varric in her life, but she had been too cowardly to go against her parents’ wishes. Now she was stuck in a loveless marriage, and expected Varric to hang around and wait for her, like some sick mabari who misses his master. She couldn’t do that, not if he had ever meant anything to her. So she nodded and then, realizing he had looked away, spoke, voice broken with sadness. “I…understand. Go to her Varric. I…well I’ll miss you.”
Turning to look at her, he saw a reflection of himself. She was broken, just as he had spent all of these years being broken. But there was a light in her eye that told him she really was ready to let him go, if only for his sake. He crossed the floor to embrace her, and they held each other for a moment before parting.
He spoke first, to break the tension. “It’s been a wild ride kid…Don’t get in too much trouble without me.” She laughed and deflected him. “I'm trouble everywhere I go. You should know that.” He turned and walked away, through the door, and out of her life forever.
“Ancestors, Andraste...whoever is up there. You better take care of him.”
**********
Tears were streaming down Moira's cheek as she emerged into the sunlight. She had been right, after all of this Bianca was the one to blame, and still he ran to her side. That gave her all of the answers she needed, so she was planning on saddling up and riding straight back to Kirkwall. She had heard that they still hadn’t managed to find a viscount; maybe things were calmed down enough that she could apply. Once outside however, she found each step was heavier than the last, and finally she made her way to the nearby dock and sat down. Her feet dangled barely above the water, so her toes skimmed the surface. So many years and so much hope and she still couldn’t change his mind.
Soon after, the non-dwarf companions came out of the cavern and joined her on the dock. No one said anything, but she felt better just having them sit next to her. She was loathed to leave the Inquisition when she had made so many friends, but she couldn’t bear seeing Varric anymore. Maybe some time away and they would be able to be friends again, but how was she supposed to hold in all of the feelings she had for him if she had to see him every day? Dorian was the first one to speak, oddly enough. He seemed to be the patron saint for lost causes, so he thought to interject on Varric’s behalf.
“You know he cares for you. It is clear in the way he looks at you. But sometimes getting over something so… constant, is more difficult than one would think.” She thought about that for a moment. She thought about how hard it would be to stop speaking with Varric, and they were only best friends. The two dwarfs had been lovers, intent on running away together. It dawned on her why people refer to love as a drug. It’s so much easier to keep hurting for that small high you get from the odd letter or visit. She had never looked at it that way before. “You are wiser than you look Tevinter. Thank you.” She smiled a sad smile, hoping that the dwarfs were not in there making up and promising to run away together.
Dorian huffed and a faux look of hurt crossed his face. “I am wounded Champion. I look very wise. I will forgive you for that slight, but only because you are not having a good day. Do not doubt my brilliance.” That actually made Moira giggle a bit. Even in the face of such adversity, this group was happy, and confident. She wished that she had always been that way. She had tried, if nothing else so that Merrill wouldn’t get discouraged. But her days in Kirkwall had always been dark…except when she was able to sit with Varric. That is why she loved him; he was always the bright spot in an otherwise shitty life.
The group didn’t hear the rogue approach, naturally, so when he spoke they were all startled. “Well, that was educational. Let’s not go back to the Deep Roads any time soon.”
“Kaffas dwarf! Do you have to walk so quietly?! Drag your feet or something!” Dorian jumped so suddenly he almost ended up in the lake. They all stood to leave, making their way away from the docks when Varric reached out toward Moira’s wrist and motioned for her to stay back. “Can I talk to you?” She nodded, and looked back at the other three. “You all go on ahead. The camp isn’t far from here, so we should be able to make it back.” They all nodded and waved, mounting their horses and returning to the base camp that was just down the ridge.
Varric sat, feet dangling over the dock’s edge, so Moira sat down next to him. There was plenty of space between them as she did not want to make him feel uncomfortable. She was angry with him, but she was willing to listen to him. They had been best friends for so many years…she owed him that much. Especially if she was going to take off.
They sat in silence for a while, just watching the water together. After some time, she heard him sigh deeply, and he reached out for her hand. Despite his small stature, his hands were much larger than her own, so he simply wrapped his gloved fingers around her slender appendage. “I’m an idiot.” She looked at his fist wrapped around her hand, then looked up into his golden eyes. They had held hands before, even kissed before, but this seemed different. She wasn’t pulling him close, silently begging for some kind of escape. This time, he was. He stared down, not wanting to make eye contact with her. He knew he was going to have to if he planned to continue, so he looked up into her silver-gray eyes. They were moist and rimmed with red, so he knew she had been crying. He had made her cry, and he hated himself for it. He had been the cause of too many of her tears. He moved his hand from hers and up to her face. She almost backed away, but she stopped when his fingertip made contact with her cheek. Her face didn’t change, but her eyes lit up, which made the dam that had been binding his emotions for so long burst. He wrapped his thick fingers around the back of her slender neck and pulled her face toward his in one swift motion. Their lips touched and sparks literally flew as all of the tension Moira was holding in her body released through her fingertips in actual lightning.
“Andraste’s tits!” Varric jumped, glad that he had removed his hand from hers.
Her eyes widened in surprise and embarrassment. “Holy shit! That’s never happened before!” The kiss felt different. Like he was pouring himself into it; trying to tell her everything he wanted to say without actually saying it. It felt…right. Like it was everything that every kiss they had ever had was supposed to be. A shiver of hope ran through her as they settled back on the dock. “You know, if you want to talk you actually have to… talk.”
Varric shook his head in frustration, looking back out toward the water. “I know…just. Hell Hawke, you know I’m no good at this shit. If I can’t deflect with a joke I try to escape out the back so no one knows I’m gone. High pressure situations…not really my forte.” Hawke nodded, acknowledging that truth. He didn’t open his mouth but to be comically derisive. “I know. But the sooner you start, the faster you finish.”
A smirk crossed the dwarf’s face, and he bit his lip. There was clearly an inappropriate joke sitting in his mouth, but he was trying to be serious, for once, so he kept it to himself. He huffed, and grabbed her hands into his. Looking back into her eyes, he focused on her, thinking only about what he felt for her; what he had hidden from them both for so long.
“Hawke…Moira. I have spent so long blaming myself for Bianca leaving me. I wasn’t good enough for her, otherwise her parents would have been fine with us. Maybe if I made more money, or had more power, we could be together. But once I met you, you were always there. With Bartrand, with the lyrium idle, through everything.” He trailed off, looking out to the water again. He took a deep breath, though he did not look back to her, he began again. “You know, the last time I spoke to Bianca was right after we got the shard back from Bartrand. I needed someone to build a safe to keep the shard locked up, so it wouldn’t do any more of that freaky shit. Last thing the Hanged Man needs is magically floating beer mugs…” Hawke chuckled, thinking about drunk people losing their minds watching their ale float about the bar.
“My point is; it was years between then and when she showed up on our doorstep at Skyhold. Before? We corresponded no less than once a month. After everything with my brother, you…well you made me forget that I thought I needed her. When she showed up, I was angry. I hadn’t corresponded with her, but she hadn't sent anything to me either, and she shows up out of the blue to remind me of what I lost, what I can’t have? If it hadn’t been red lyrium I would have sent her away.” He stood and walked a few steps away, forcing Hawke to turn around to look at him. He was getting fidgety. Varric never got fidgety, so she assumed that he was leading up to the point of their little conversation. “I was also mad because seeing her made me doubt something that I have known for too long, without saying anything. I should have said it…so many times I wanted to, but I just didn’t. So… I’m an idiot.”
She smiled, hoping that he meant what she thought he meant. After this long though, she was not going to let him get away with avoiding it. She was going to make him say it first. “What is it that you know?”
He looked at her with haughty indignation on his face. “You're giving me a hard time on purpose, aren’t you? Alright, fine. I deserve it. I love you damn it! I have for years, and I was too hardheaded to admit it.” He grabbed her face, squishing her cheeks in such a way that she looked like a fish. “I love you Moira Hawke! There! I said it.” He released her face and turned away from her. She didn’t want to tease him anymore, so she just grabbed his hand, prompting him to turn and look at her. Their eyes met, bright golden suns peering into stormy clouds. She smiled, no longer able to hold in her joy. “I love you too, Varric Tethras.”