Chapter Text
Falling.
There was only falling.
Down,
and
d
o
w
n
a
n
d
d
o
w
n
a
n
d
D
O
W
N
!
Darkess. There was only darkness.
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
into darkness, never ending.
Screaming darkness.
Breathing darkness.
Being darkness.
Fear soul-rending.
Pain.
Deep, burning, dull, aching, sharp, inching, throbbing, constant, fury!
There was only PAIN.
Always.
Forever.
Anything else, there had been never.
But PAIN
Only PAIN!
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
!
Quivering in the darkness a broken soul does pitifully, remain.
Remain.
Why must "I" remain?
Suddenly: Light
Scorching, burning bright!
Darkness severed.
F
a
l
l
________suspended________
Fear and pain now truly blended.
Blinding!
Blinding!
Cursed light that brings forth pain's new bite.
Ears ringing.
Eyes watering.
A twitch.
A feeling.
Fingers flexing.
A tether felt, one most vexing.
Form so heavy, cumbersome.
A body trapping the inner-darkness fallen-one?
Pain!
Again, in marriage with fear.
Memory: Teeth and Claws! Ripping, Tearing! Running, Racing! Weeping, Wailing, try and try but no Out-Pacing!
Shattered glass and fractured mind.
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
!
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
!
...Left behind...
Voices?
Voices!
Voices, many, soft and caring.
"Is he going to be alright?" asks one.
"Pupil reflex is getting better." Another answer-sharing.
"Fever finally broke in the night." Declares yet a voice more.
"Thank God." Whispers one voice, gentle implore.
All still talking.
All still squaking.
Never showing signs of stopping.
Voices speak, and voices spoke.
The twinge in his arm, fresh needle poke.
Who they were or what they wanted, never known, their power flaunted.
Light thrown into dark abyss.
Calamity consuming the silence missed.
Make them stop and go away, for in the darkness "I" must stay.
For in the darkness there is just "me."
Then a word, a word is flung,
so carelessly.
"Ben." The word is softly spoken.
"Ben, can you hear me?" voice asks not knowing, how the word, has stung.
A word that makes the soul feel beaten, a word, a name, a thing that's broken.
"Ben." The the soul, the "I" the "me," knew now who they truly were.
And they were "Ben."
"Ben" which meant nothing.
"Ben" which meant pain.
"Ben" which meant only unyielding shame.
Darkness as eyes slowed to shut.
Darkness now so sharp it might cut.
Don't leave me here, here so alone.
For now they were "Ben,"
And Ben knew well, that in the darkness monsters roam.
Hands in the dark, they touch, they hurt.
They were "Ben," but didn't want to be. For being Ben could mean one thing.
Make it stop!
Just let me die.
Please make it stop, his fervent cry.
Memories make the soul now bleed.
Maybe darkness if embraced, Ben could now finally be freed?
Darkness take me.
Darkness bind.
Leave no trace of Ben behind.
I will not fight, or struggle again.
Please, just please, let this pain finally end...
And then?
A touch.
Soft and warm.
Palms and fingers gently meet.
Not to be fooled, or played with charm,
Ben knew this touch could mean only harm.
Yes danger dwells there, Ben truly knows, for with such tenderness a monster's hunger grows.
Waiting.
Pensive.
Fearing.
Fighting.
Always in the darkness crying.
The tether, the cord so thin and frayed.
The body given orders, orders not obeyed.
Fight and flee.
Flee and fight.
Laying there frozen.
No hope in sight.
Just let it end, the soul did beg, before the pain can begin again.
Waiting.
Dreading.
Diving down
Into darkness hoping to drown.
"Hey Ben. I don't know if you can hear me, but... I need you. I just, really, really need you."
Safe.
Safe,
safe at last.
Let fingers lock and tightly twine
Joined together, yours and mine.
Just hold my hand, and hold it fast.
For now I am safe at last.
And more.
So much more.
There is confusion, hope, annoyance, and adore.
Damn the darkness.
Damn surrender.
Damn you Death, it will not end here.
For Kenji, you,
I think:
I might need you too...