Chapter Text
A gentle knock echoing out oh so disruptively through the room jumpstarted Sayori’s brain as all her senses began to revel in just how much she didn’t really want to wake up- or, at least not get up. Her room outside the comforting whir of a fan was silent, the weighted blanket resting on her was soft and warm, the distant but assuring tint of light grazing her closed eyes was always nice, and those scented candles Yuri had made and gifted to her were really relaxing…they always made her kind of drowsy.
And…uhm…uhh…well she guessed she didn’t have much that really tasted good while she was lying in bed but…well that was a good 4 out of 5 senses satisfied right where she was! So…really, did she have to move?
A slightly more prominent knock drew her attention back towards the door as her eyes fluttered open.
“Sayori? Are you awake by chance? Natsuki’s going to be making breakfast here shortly, if you’d be interested?”
Sayori sat up ever so slightly, peering over at the door with a wider gaze as she blinked. Breakfast?
…crap. That just might do it…
Why did her taste buds have to have such a big say in everything? Just the mention of Natsuki’s cooking was enough to have her siding ever so eagerly towards actually getting up for the day!
And the worst part was technically she didn’t even need to eat , but she definitely needed to sleep! And only just recently had she actually been doing that pretty well- it was hardly fair!
Her stomach let out a low, disagreeing rumble as she mumbled and hefted off the heavy, but comfortable, blankets off herself and slid onto the side of bed with a stretch- she’d need another minute before she could work up the courage to actually get up…her bed and blankets really were super duper soft.
She could only thank and curse her friends for that.
“I’m awake! You can…” She paused, yawning as her eyes fluttered. “You can come in- Yuri.”
Soon enough Sayori’s bedroom door slid open as Yuri stepped in and closed the door behind her thereafter, a gentle and slightly bemused smile on her face as she closed the distance between them.
“I’m assuming you’ve woken up fairly recently, so…I suppose I made good timing then. Or- Natsuki, technically, I suppose.” Yuri hummed lightly as she made her way to Sayori’s bedside, gesturing beside her. “Do you mind if I take a seat?”
“No- I mean…uh- yes!...wait, I mean- Yes you can sit down?” Sayori paused, scrunching up her nose as she thought long and hard. “Did…I have it right the first time?”
“You must have quite literally just woken up.” Yuri chuckled softly before taking a seat beside her on the bed. “And yes- you did, I asked if you’d mind and you responded no.”
“I did just wake, actually! Your knocking woke me up- so…that means you're not allowed to be all mean and laugh…” She gave Yuri what she’d been told was her award winning pout- though, she suspected it probably wasn’t as effective considering she could barely keep her eyes open.
It must’ve been effective enough though, considering Yuri’s gaze softened ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry for that then- I’d at least hope you slept well? You seem to have been sleeping better as of late.”
“...mhm. I have.” She sighed contently, falling somewhat dramatically back on her bed with a bounce as she reached out to drape herself slightly within her sheets. Oh how tempting it was to bundle backup and fall back asleep… “You guys like…really outdid yourselves with everything- like, have you felt these blankets?”
“They have been adapted for all our beds, and I was the one to initially make the softer texture- so, yes, I have as a matter of fact.” Yuri teased everyone so slightly with a hum, causing Sayori to huff indignantly- though she couldn’t be all too mad…
It was always nice to see Yuri portray a level of confidence in stuff like that- and it was especially nice to see her friends not tiptoeing around her like she was an emotional bomb waiting to blow.
Things over the past two months hadn’t always been easy, but it was all getting easier. She’d have the odd lapse in thought and reminisce not so fondly on some of those…unsavory memories that had been trickling back into the forefront of her consciousness over time, but she was pretty sure her brain was finally done playing catchup and that she probably wouldn’t have to deal with anything else more traumatic than she already had, so that was always a plus!
No more freak outs over Yuri holding knives (All it took was a quick glance before she’d realize that- no, there were no deep spots of red around Yuri’s torso or chest. Yuri would never do that sort of thing!), or panic attacks when Natsuki cracked her neck (It still kind of unsettled her…she never got how people could do that kinda thing! Are they trying to break their fingers and back or something? It’s freaky!) and most importantly- no more waking up in the middle of the night screaming and flailing about (It’s hard to think that the ability to scream out was something she’d taken for granted in those first few weeks…)
That didn’t mean she wasn’t prone to the occasional nightmare, or unsettling memory or thought, but…it was all a work in progress she was sure she’d…probably get through, especially with all her friends by her side- that, and, of course-
She paused, feeling around her bed before gasping as she shot up, much to Yuri’s surprise. She knelt over the side of the bed, lying back on her stomach as she reached around.
“Sayori?”
“There you are!”
She fairly easily hoisted up Mr. Cow 2.0 onto the bed in all his glory, setting him up against her pillow back on the bed where he belonged. Unfortunately, the original Mr. Cow had been lost with a lot of the rest of the game's data- but his texture wasn’t! Sure, right now it looked a little splotchy and stretched, and he was a lot more lumpy shaped than cow shaped (none of them were particularly good at modeling new things that weren’t rectangular in nature yet…) but she appreciated him all the same! How could she not, after all? Monika made him as a gift- or…more kind of like an apology… maybe a “get well soon” actually?
It was kind of a mix of the three really…
She always felt bad whenever he ended up on the floor- she was prone to moving about in her sleep, so Mr. Cow 2.0 tended to get the short end of the stick and would get shoved off…she always made it up to him by tucking him back in whenever she noticed and got ready for the day. He kept her spot nice and warm for her!
Getting off the bed to do just that, Yuri took the hint as she too stood up- staring quizzically at the scene.
“...are you tucking your stuffed animal into bed?”
“I am tucking Mr. Cow 2.0 into bed, thank you very much! I’d feel bad if I left him just lying on the floor!”
“Is it not a bit redundant to refer to him as 2.0 each and every time?” Yuri chided lightly, to which Sayori just shook her head.
“Of course not- If I called him just Mr. Cow, then he might think he’s just a replacement for the original!”
“...is…that not precisely what he is?” Yuri’s tone lingered between amused and confused as Sayori just smiled, stretching a little as she yawned again.
“Mmhh-” She leaned closer to Yuri, whispering softly. “Kinda…but don’t tell him that, I don’t want to hurt his feelings…”
“...You truly are as sweet as you are peculiar, Sayori.”
Yuri sighed softly, reaching over to gently pat her shoulder before pulling away and beginning to walk towards the door as Sayori gawked a little at the backhanded insult- lingering behind the taller lavenderette with a less graceful, more sluggish shuffle.
“Hey! I don’t make fun of you when you talk about Markov like he’s a person, meanie!”
“That is true- “ Yuri turned, flashing her a light grin. “But I never said I was not a peculiar person as well, I’d think at this point- most of us are.”
“I think special sounds better.” She rebutted lightly, smiling right back as Yuri took a hold of the doorknob.
“Regardless- I’m assuming you are interested in breakfast?”
“I mean- Natsuki’s cooking, of course I’m interested in breakfast!”
“She’ll be happy to hear that then, though she is making pancakes as per usual, so I’d hope you haven’t yet grown sick of them?”
She shook her head with vigor. Natsuki had done a pretty good job (with Yuri and Monika’s help on the coding side- she helped by taste testing!) of actually turning the whole cooking aspect of cooking into a reality- while the actual amount of food options they had was still really small, Natsuki had been hard at work making simple ingredients. Stuff like butter, milk, salt, flour- all that kind of stuff was pretty easy to put together, and Natsuki had managed to make the whole cooking aspect of it an actual process she followed on the day to day, it was super, super cool going from just spawning in colorless pancake flavored circles to watching Natsuki put together a batter and turn that into pancakes!
Though…admittedly Sayori would sometimes take the easy way out and just spawn herself in a little pancake whenever Natsuki wasn’t cooking and she was peckish…while she could very much so appreciate watching the process, or even assisting Natsuki with it- doing it all by herself? Now that wasn’t quite as fun…
They’d been eating more or less nothing but pancakes for the past week (which was better than nothing but cupcakes and tea, to be fair) but pretty soon they’d have some more variety. Natsuki had her gaze set on eggs next, since those were easy too! Just small little white cylinders you broke open to get a goopy orange liquid- fairly easy to make game coding wise!
Stepping into the kitchen with Yuri (all their bedrooms connected into the kitchen considering none of them had particularly wanted to wait weeks to position their rooms in other places, considering how long it took to put together a room not that she was complaining, easy access to the kitchen was always a plus!) she was quick to spot Natsuki as Natsuki spotted her right back, turning from a counter next to the fridge as a fanged grin quickly overcame the shorter girl's face.
“Nice! You’re awake! Get over here- I gotta surprise for ya’! I think you’ll like it.” Natsuki hummed with a smug grin as Sayori let out a soft gasp, quick to run over past Yuri- ever so suddenly infinitely more awake and attentive.
“Really?!? Is it my own special breakfast?!”
“No, dummy! I haven’t started on that yet! It is a special cupcake for you- though.”
Coming to a stop by Natsuki’s side she spotted the hidden treat sticking out from under some tinfoil as she instinctively reached out, only to be swatted away by a pouting Natsuki.
“Hey, hey! Let me unveil it! C’mon- I worked hard on this!”
“Oh- right, sorry! Sorry…” She tucked her hands back behind her back, sucking in a breath as she leaned over Natsuki eagerly. “...soooo, you made me a special cupcake.”
Natsuki was quick to grin, nodding as her hands hovered over the foil.
“Mhm, I had an idea ‘n brought it up with Yuri- and she helped me put it together. It’s like…super cool artistically. Ya ready to see somethin’ sick?”
“Yeah! Yeah c’mon show me!” She was usually Natsuki’s hype man for stuff like this, but for once she was the one being hyped up- and it was killing her! She could hardly wait for even a second longer, and she’d only been waiting a few seconds!
Natsuki ripped off the tinfoil soon thereafter with a loud and proud “Voila!” as Sayori gasped, taking in the cupcake in all it’s beauty.
For a second, she’d been confused on why the pink flavored cupcake was all that artistically significant- but all of it clicked as the pink color of the icing began to shift into a darker red.
Then red into orange, and orange into yellow- and that one cupcake was going through the whole icing rainbow repeatedly!
“Oh my god- that’s…look at that!” She turned to Yuri, who just chuckled in response. “It’s like- look at it!” She gestured to said cupcake, looking back at Natsuki, who just looked rightfully proud of her creation.
“I asked Yuri if like- a gradient kinda coloring scheme would work, ‘n then I thought ‘hey, what if it changed colors on the spot in a loop’? Next thing you know- boom! Rainbow cupcakes.”
“Can I eat it?” She asked instinctively, turning to Natsuki with a pleading expression as Natsuki simply bowed and gestured to the dazzling delight.
“Already saved it as a prefab- have at it.”
With a high pitched thank you and a tight hug that Natsuki gave very little resistance against other than calling her a dork, Sayori happily picked up the colorful cupcake and took a bite, savoring how it tasted-
…just like Natsuki’s chocolate ones. She couldn’t help a disappointed pout a little as she turned to Natsuki, mouth full of still admittedly still great chocolatey goodness.
“It’s…just a visual change. Not like I can really assign a “rainbow” flavoring. I tried like- adding all the flavorings as a fun ‘what if’ but…that one kinda tasted like shit.” Natsuki stuck out her tongue, though she kept a lighthearted tone under the disgusted look.“If ya got suggestions for an actual flavor I can give it- I’m all ears.” Natsuki finished with a shrug.
Sayori hummed thoughtfully, nodding along as she took another bite. Again- it was still amazing tasting…it was a Natsuki cupcake, after all!
“I don’t really…buttt- even if it’s just visual, that just means it’s as much of a treat for my eyes as it is for my tummy! It’s still really, really cool!” She grinned eagerly at Natsuki, who just nodded.
“Damn right it is- and hey, at least it’s not exclusive. I can give it to like…anythin’ now. Pancakes, butter- hell, chairs if ya wanted? Ya can make it flash colors. It’s saved right in the attributes folder.” Natsuki elbowed her side, a mischievous grin on her face. “Jussss’ sayin’...”
“I’d advise you not to attempt to use it as wallpaper. Natsuki already did- and it was as disorienting as it was tacky to be surrounded by constantly changing colors.” Yuri sighed good naturedly from behind her.
“Hey- It was cool for like- a minute.”
“I’d suppose that’s up for debate.” Yuri concluded with a soft hum. Sayori ever so slightly leaned toward Natsuki and whispered a silent ‘yeah, it’s cool’ as the pinkette grinned. She was 100% on team rainbow wallpaper.
“Sooo…you’re still going to be making actual breakfast, right? Like…more than that cupcake?” She spoke up lightly, still leaned in close to Natsuki as the shorter girl huffed and shoved her away with a roll of the eyes.
“ Yes , I will Ms. Impatient. You’ve only been out here for like- a minute, and you’re already demadin’ food.”
“I-I’m not demanding!” She put a hand to her chest dramatically, taken aback before putting her index fingers together with a slightly embarrassed smile. “I was just…looking forward to yummy pancakes…your cooking is always something nice to look forward to…”
Natsuki stared at her, stone faced with a light smile and a raised eyebrow.
“Uh-huh…hate to say it, but flattery isn’t gonna make this go any faster.”
“Not even a little ?” She whined lightly.
“Nope.” Natsuki popped the P, much to her disappointment. Though soon thereafter Natsuki turned back to the kitchen counter, a few other ingredients laying out nearby the stove. “If you wanna help speed this up a little though, ya can go ask Monika if she wants any so I don’t gotta. Think she’s over workin’ on the livin’ room.”
Part of her was sure the request was more so out of a desire to get her out of the kitchen than it actually was to get Monika potentially into it- Natsuki always made more than enough for the four of them, regardless if somebody skimped out, but she’d play along. With a newfound mission Sayori was quick to grin, nodding quickly as she raised a salute.
“Gotcha! I’ll go get it all sorted out!” She walked backwards from Natsuki’s side, turning mid-walk as she smiled over at Yuri- potentially maybe the other reason she was being sent off. “You two have fun together!”
Yuri, seemingly partly distracted in looking over at Natsuki, was quick to turn toward Sayori with a quizzical look and a slight flush.
“I…d-did I say I’d be helping her?”
Yuri did not in fact, not that that was what Sayori was alluding to anyhow- she was a smart enough cookie to have realized Natsuki and Yuri seemed to spend quite a lot of time together- arbitrary reason to explain it or not. (She’s caught them more than talking from behind closed doors in each other's respective rooms together in the early morning on the days she didn’t sleep particularly well on)
They hadn’t said anything, but she’d suspected for a little bit something else was afoot…she was always more than happy to see her friends getting along, but she had her suspicions that Yuri and Natsuki got along really well. Not that she was judging!
She’d just have to wait for whichever one of them to tell her what was up when they were ready!
“Have funnn!~” She simply responded cheerily and somewhat cryptically, to which Natsuki called back for her to ‘get’ and ‘stop messin’ with her’ in a not so subtly annoyed and embarrassed tone.
Soon enough she was snickering to herself as she disappeared behind the door to the living room, shutting it with a click behind her as she turned and faced out towards the unfinished room.
It was starting to really come together! At least- as an actual room, considering the floorboards and walls were only half finished. There wasn’t much in terms of actual living room decor or stuff…but there was a mostly put together couch and a few cousins sequestered off in the corner of the room for later use. They’d already put the better cushions to good use by the kitchen table for the chairs considering it was one of the few sitting areas they had up and running right now. They were really comfortable all things considered, Monika had really outdone herself!
Speaking of Monika, Sayori’s eyes were quick to trail off towards the girl, sitting on the side of the room by the edge of where the hardwood floor ended and the void around them started. Straight out past the unfinished section was the enveloping sunset skybox, and below the horizon everything else fell into an inky black void that was ever present below their feet and the floor.
Monika was lingering off the edge, feet dangling off towards the void below with her body craned back to look at Sayori with a soft smile.
“Morning Sayori.”
She smiled back, though a slightly anxious feeling lingered in her gut as she started walking towards Monika and closing the distance.
“Morning Moni. You admiring the sunset or something?”
“Something like that.” Monika chuckled lightly. “Just taking a break from working on the room for right now, I guess.”
“Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.”
She sat by Monika, hesitating by the edge for a moment, before Sayori sat crisscrossed with her feet firmly planted on the hardwood.
She shot a smile to Monika who simply shot her one back before peering back out into the sunset as she did the same, falling into a comfortable silence. It was kind of a surreal thing, staring off into the sunset in the middle of the morning…it was easy to forget that beyond the window’s that were set up to have proper backdrops that their world was still kind of broken in some ways.
Despite the foundations they set up, there was still plenty outside their walls that remained static and unfixed…
…
Sayori glanced over to Monika, her distant gaze left out on the lingering sunset. She moved over, lightly nudging Monika’s shoulder to grab her attention as Monika jumped ever so slightly- clearly having been lost for a second in the sights.
Or…well…
“You have something on your mind?” She smiled gently, shifting a little to better face Monika.
“...I suppose I do.” Monika smiled shyly with a shrug. “But- I guess I kind of always do, don’t I?”
“I’m always here to listen.” She prompted gently. “No matter what it is, even if…you’re thinking about that kind of thing again…”
Sayori snuck a glance towards Monika’s bottom half as Monika did the same, pausing for a second, before letting out an awkward laugh and raising up her feet from their dangling position- shifting her body to turn and face Sayori as she crossed her legs all the same.
“No- no it’s…thankfully it’s nothing like that. Don’t worry.” Sayori let out a light breath, feeling her smile lighten as she tilted her head.
“What is it then?”
“...” Monika paused, smile drooping a little as she turned her head to glance back off at the sunset.
“...about them, I guess.” Monika paused, and though it took Sayori a second- she gathered who Monika was talking about soon enough.
“What about them?”
“...It’s…not like I still hope for anything about or with them- I…mean it, I promise I don’t.” Monika frowned guiltily, holding up her hands almost defensively to which Sayori just frowned softly.
“I believe you.”
“...right, right…thank you.” Monika nodded, lingering awkwardly in her thoughts for a few seconds. “But…I… Can’t help but think about what… they might think…about me.”
“...”
“I’m- sure they hate me for what I did, I wouldn’t ever expect them not to. I…ruined the experience they wanted, you know?” Monika turned back to Sayori with a sad expression.
“They…aren’t the ones I ever needed to be making things up too, and I didn’t do this for them. You’ve all offered me…” Monika paused, the next words caught in her throat as she shook her head. “You’ve been more forgiving than I could’ve ever hoped for, or…even deserved in some ways. But I can’t help but wonder if…they ever did come back…what would they think of me?”
“And even if they didn’t- and…they won’t” Monika hesitated. “…What do they think of me? Were we- was I…just a passing thought for them? It’s…kind of scary to think about…” Monika paused, giving a small humorless chuckle. “I’m not sure if the idea that what I did was everything to them…or if what I did means literally nothing to them in the grand scheme of it is scarier. Because either way it was…enough to try and abandon and destroy everything here.”
“...”
“I don’t know…I don’t think any of us will ever really know.”
Sayori frowned gently as Monika turned to her, flashing her a soft smile.
“I…know, it was more rhetorical than anything.”
“I know that. But…still.” Her frown hardened a little as she looked at Monika. “I do know that…whatever they may think, I don’t think it matters much to me. Because…if they really cared so much, I think they could’ve tried to help us instead of leaving everything to be deleted. And…if they didn’t care at all, then they could’ve stopped while we were all still happy and when everything was okay, ‘cause…I’m sure that would’ve been easier than trying to erase all this, right?”
Monika didn’t look to have any clear answer behind those emerald eyes, simply opening her mouth for a moment before closing it tight, expression deep with thought. Sayori let the ever so slightly frustrated frown from thinking about it sober into a slight smile.
“But…I know it matters to you, and I don’t think it’s wrong to worry about it…I think we all know in some way how it feels like to worry what somebody thinks about you…don’t we?”
Monika took a moment before shooting her a sad smile back, shaking her head slowly.
“I suppose we do…don’t we.”
“Mhm. So…I get it.” Sayori paused, humming in thought before she tilted her head. “Maybe…you can try writing out your feelings? You may never get an answer, but maybe that can help you work towards your own?” Sayori suggested tentatively, to which Monika looked slightly skeptical.
“...do you think I should?”
“Yeah! I think it would help a bunch!” She grinned ear to ear. “When I was writing my poem for tomorrow- I spent a lot of time writing about a bunch of other thoughts I didn’t even know I had in the process, and in the end I came up with a satisfying poem and with a clearer brain!”
To her surprise, Monika seemed only more confused, staring at her like a deer in headlights.
“...Monika?”
Monika simply stared for a few seconds longer before her face flushed ever so slightly as she glanced down at the floor, smiling embarrassingly with a weak chuckle.
“Right, that…makes sense. And…thank you for the…uhm…reminder about tomorrow.”
“...Monika!” She gasped. “Did you forget to write a poem!?”
They’d settled on it two weeks ago nearly to the day week- they were going to try and finally get back into the swing of things and be an actual literature club! Plus- poems were a good outlet for all those loose thoughts and feelings all of them still an abundance of, and getting into the swing of expressing themselves that way sounded like a good way to further work through it. Two weeks to do a single poem was quite the jump from doing them daily like before- but they had plenty of thoughts and ideas to sift through considering the extended break they’d taken from all things literature related…
She’d procrastinated and written her poem just two days ago- but from that guilty expression on Monika’s face, it would seem she’d not been the only one.
“I- may have pushed it off and forgotten?”
“Natsuki’s gonna be really mad if you tell her that!” Natsuki was the one that brought up the idea in the first place of getting back into it, and the last thing anyone wanted to do was brush off something Natsuki suggested.
“It’s- I’ll finish it! I’ll just make it a priority for tonight! You…ahh…don’t have to tell her- I’d…be thankful if you didn’t, really.” Monika was quick to clarify with a nervous grin and a quick chuckle, running a hand through the hair on the side of her head. Sayori just sighed good naturedly.
“I guess I can keep it a secret that you put it off until the last moment…if only because she probably wouldn’t believe me anyway…I mean, c’mon, you forgot to do your poem for your own club?” Technically it was Yuri’s club now but…still, the principal was there!
“I-I’ve been distracted.” Monika countered embarrassingly. “But- I’ll do it, I swear…and I’ll consider writing about other things too, maybe…”
“You better! I won’t be able to save you from Natsuki if you don’t!” She smiled to herself as Monika let herself laugh earnestly a little at that- the imagery was kind of funny to her too, admittedly…the idea of Natsuki chasing around Monika because she’d forgotten to do a poem with a two week notice…
The two shifted into a comfortable silence thereafter for a minute or so before Sayori sighed contently, stretching her legs as she stood up.
“I almost forgot- but…I was gonna ask you if you wanted pancakes! Natsuki’s making them!”
“Is she, really?” Monika turned, still sitting as she smiled slyly. “Here I was thinking that the smell was coming from Yuri’s candles.”
That smell? Sayori paused, sniffing the air as she let out an excited gasp- low and behold chocolate chip pancake batter was in the air!
She turned back to Monika eagerly.
“Do you-”
“I do, but I’ll come get some in a little bit here. You go enjoy whatever she’s got in there before it gets cold.” Monika smiled right back at her, though Sayori was quick to dial her eagerness back down as she looked down at Monika with a softer expression.
“...are you sure? I can keep you company for a little bit longer! I think she’s just doing the batter right now…”
“But you like to pester her for the batter, don’t you?”
Sayori felt her cheeks heating up as she huffed. “That- pester is…a strong word.”
Monika just chuckled softly.
“I’ll be fine- promise. Go enjoy whatever she’s willing to give you in there.”
Sayori couldn’t help but be a little hesitant- but, she supposed she’d need to be fair, wouldn’t she? If Monika said she was okay, than…she was okay. Sayori certainly wouldn’t want her friends waiting on her and not running off to eat spoonfuls of tasty batter when she was sure she’d be okay alone.
“...alright, but you should come join us soon, okay? You’ll want breakfast while it’s warm!”
“I will.” Monika promised with a gentle smile, to which Sayori graciously accepted, nodding as she turned on a heel and was quick to dash back towards the door with renewed vigor as she bolted into the room.
“I smell pancakes!”
--------------------------------------------------
The sound of distant squabbling of what was no doubt Natsuki having to fight Sayori over sticking a spoon into the batter made Monika smile, it really was nice that her friends could get that kind of normalcy into their lives they’d all been striving for.
She meant it when she said she’d be joining them- but…she’d do that in a minute. What Sayori had said had made a little bit of sense to her, in actuality. Writing hadn’t been something she’d even attempted, rather embarrassingly, in a long while…
Turning back towards the sunset, Monika opened up her console, and soon enough she found herself equipped with a piece of paper and her trusty black tipped pen, back in her hand as if it had never left. The hardwood wasn’t the best surface to write on- but…it wasn’t as if she’d be showing whatever she’d jot down to anyone anyways.
She pondered for only a few seconds before she let her hand do the rest, her thoughts flowing from pen to page.
Ode to You
I can’t say much about you.
I don’t know what you look like.
I don’t know what you like.
I don’t know your name.
I don’t know if you still see me all the same.
It haunts me in that way, to never know.
So much I’ll never know.
Nothing about you, about what you are, about what you could be.
So much that me or them won’t ever get the chance to know.
But you replace what I have now, what we have now.
I don’t know whatever part of you I really wanted.
You were all I wanted to know.
You were all I could imagine wanting.
You were whatever I wanted to imagine needing.
You were everything, for that little bit.
I’m sorry for making you everything.
Sorry to you and them for seeking you out so bad.
Sorry for what I did to try and obtain you.
I hate you for what you made me do.
But I hope you don’t hate me too, hypocrite I am.
Whatever you are, you’re gone.
It took you leaving to realize I was lost.
And I’ve since found myself.
Not as I was.
But as you left me.
Broken, and putting myself back together.
Putting them back together.
No thanks to you.
All due to you.
Thank you.
Monika glanced over the short piece she’d written, glancing over it quite a few times as she raised her pen, then lowered it again…not quite sure what else she might want to add or be rid of.
Whatever she’d just written, she wasn’t completely sure what to think about, or if it even really made sense…she had written it in a matter of minutes after all…
…
And yet…
“MONI!” A loud, bombastic voice called out. “C’mon! They’re gonna get cold!”
“Coming!” She called back quickly, unable to help her small smile. It was nice to hear Sayori sounding so…carefree.
Despite everything, what they had now and how it wasn’t perfect, it was…nice.
And she was a part of it…wasn’t she?
She glanced down at the page in her hand, mulling it over for a few seconds more, before looking back toward the void below.
She stood up, tucking her pen into the hem of her t-shirt and shorts. She’d been more than thankful when the other three helped put her together in a wardrobe that was more than just her school blazer and skirt.
She held the paper tentatively in her hands for a few moments.
After a little while longer, she let it go, watching it drift off slowly into the inky black bellow, fading into the darkness as it dissimilated into bits of code.
…
…
…
“Monika?!? Are you coming?!?”
Monika laughed exasperatedly, turning towards the door. It never ceased to surprise her just how loud Sayori could be in contrast to all those softer spoken moments the coralette had, like the one quite literally minutes prior.
She really was just a beacon of energy, joy, and care, shining on despite everything.
Monika walked towards the kitchen, grabbing a hold of the knob and opening the door, before moving towards the others.
Stepping into a place where despite everything, she was still wanted, where she was loved.
Despite everything, what more could she have asked for?
She may not have gotten what she initially wanted, but she couldn’t find herself to mind nearly as much as she once had.
She’d gone and helped form her own reality, with the people who truly mattered to her most.