Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nini was pretty sure she was happy. As happy as a junior in a relationship with a senior could be. She had started dating EJ at summer camp. After getting her heart broken by Ricky, EJ seemed too good to be true, but after four months, Nini had finally let herself accept that he was here to stay. Dating a senior was pretty cool at times. She found herself receiving a newfound respect from girls at school, and EJ’s teammates had accepted her as part of their “pack.” But this new boyfriend came with other responsibilities. Dealing with slightly disgusted glances when they walked down the hall—some jealous and others disapproving of the age difference, even though it was only one year.

Dating a senior also came with the pressure of the expected things she was supposed to do. Of course, when she got into this, Nini knew that he was a little more experienced than she was. And of course they talked about this certain topic. He had assured her that even though he had done some stuff with girls in the past, he wasn’t going to put any pressure on Nini to do the same. But for the past two months, Nini could sense that he was growing impatient, frustrated. His hands started to wonder during their make-out sessions, and when she brushed them away she could always hear him sigh or groan in annoyance. She tried to ignore it, keep on believing that he was perfect, but a part of her knew that he really wanted more. More that she couldn’t give him.

The whole cast of the High School Musical musical was invited to Ashlyn’s place on Friday night. A person might underestimate a party thrown by theater geeks, but they would be wrong. Nini had been to a few too many of these parties, and seen a few too many people get blackout drunk and throw up in Mrs. Caswell’s potted plants. Nonetheless, Nini was dragged to the party by EJ. But even without him she would have gone. It was like an obligation. If you were in theater, you go to Ashlyn’s parties.

“Can we please not stay too long this time?” Nini asked EJ as they drove to the party. “I have to visit my grandma tomorrow morning and I really want to get some sleep.”

EJ let out a sigh. “Babe, I can’t control how long we stay. You know how crazy it gets. We’ll leave when we leave.”

At this point Nini knew better than to protest. EJ was stubborn, and not to mention her ride home.

But something felt different about this party. Maybe it was the fact that she knew Ricky would be there this time. It was Ricky’s first time in a musical at school, and the first time he appeared at a Caswell party, Nini was totally taken by surprise. She hadn’t realized that him being in the musical would also mean him showing up in her crowd. This time around, she had been thinking about it all week. Ricky at a party where her and EJ are supposed to be the star couple. It made her stomach hurt. She didn’t know why.

Did she still have feelings for him?

The pair arrived fashionably late, but even so the party was already going. They could hear booming music through the car doors. Nini glanced through the windows and saw there were already empty beer cans strewn across tables.

The door was unlocked so Nini and EJ just walked right in like usual. The house smelled strongly of Bud-light and pot (Ashlyn’s parents were gone for the weekend). A white bedsheet was pinned to the wall with the words “Hell School the Musical” spray painted with red and black paint. When they entered the living room Big Red and a group of kids were playing beer pong. The ground around them was slick, reflecting the colored lights and fairy lights that were set up everywhere.

Nini groaned to herself. She didn’t even really want to be here, and every time she seems to forget how much effort a party takes to sit through. Her social battery could not last tonight. She needed alcohol. Or weed. Or a hit. Something.

“Yo EJ, Nini!” Carlos called them over from the beer pong table. “Come play!”

Nini turned to her boyfriend. “Go, I’m going to talk to your cousin.”

Without saying anything he just left her. She walked over to the drinks table to get herself a shot before having to talk to anyone. She grabbed… vodka? Tequila? Nini didn’t really look at the label before pouring, but as quick as she served herself, she brought the cup to her lips and forced down the booze.

“Whoa, getting the party started right away.” Nini turned to find a certain redhead behind her.

“Hey Ashlyn! I was going to come and say hi.” Nini gave her a quick hug.

They walked over to a couch, making small talk and passing a dab pen back and forth. They finally settled down on a couch.

“You okay?” Ashlyn asked, blowing out vapor as she spoke. “You seem a little down.”

“I don’t know,” Nini began. “Things have just been a little off. The musical and EJ, and Ricky. I’m just a little confused, and tired from the drama.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Ashlyn made a little side glance. “Just um, don’t look over there.”

Nini of course took that as a signal to definitely look over there, and she quickly understood why Ashlyn would point it out. Ricky was sharing the recliner with a certain tenth grader. Gina was all over him. She had placed herself on his lap and was using her hand to play with his hair. It made Nini want to barf. They were broken up, yes, and he had broken her heart and broken up with her, but when she started dating someone new, she didn’t realize he would be single and ready to mingle as well. She shifted her eyes from Gina to Ricky, and was pleased to find him a little disassociated. His hands gripped a solo cup and a pen instead of Gina. He stared ahead while Gina blabbered on in his ear, her words bouncing off of him and back into the air. He didn’t seem too into it.

————

Ricky arrived to the party a little earlier than Nini did. These parties were the only place that he could actually try and talk to her. During rehearsals she was all work, and in the halls she was all EJ. But at parties, she was herself while EJ was somewhere else, and this time he would actually try and talk to her.

Unfortunately, that plan was thwarted when Gina walked through the front door and made a beeline for Ricky, who had plopped down on an old brown leather recliner.

“Hey Ricky,” she greeted him while stealing the dab pen from his grasp and bringing it to her mouth.

“Oh, hey Gina.” He was trying to be polite, but really she had just interrupted him while he was planning out his interaction with Nini.

“Mind if we share a seat?” Gina giggled. Before he could respond she fell onto his lap and started talking about her day. He didn’t have the heart to tell her to get off.

Gina was cool, but she was no Nini. Ricky knew he had made a mistake by not telling Nini he loved her back. The second he walked out of her bedroom door that night, a surge of regret filled his body. He broke his own heart by pushing away the only person that he really loved. And when they got back to school, he thought he could patch things up, but she had moved on. Joining the musical was a last attempt at getting her back, but his efforts seemed futile at this point.

Gina was still sitting on him when Nini and EJ arrived. Ricky was a little too high to know if he was truly angry or not, but he felt something. He hated that the first thing Nini would see was him being all close with Gina. He observed her as she wondered through the party. First thing that happened was EJ leaving her, of course, and then she went directly for the alcohol. She seemed off. Ricky knew Nini for most of their lives, and he knew when she was unhappy.

Nini didn’t notice him until she was sitting down with the host of the party, and when she did look over at him he tried to seem as uninterested in Gina as possible. When the two girls returned to their own conversation Ricky went back to observing her. Nini had this look on her face that he couldn’t quite place. Was it—- jealousy? Could it be?

As the party progressed so did Nini’s drinking habits. She had gone through a couple beers as well as a few shots. Drunk Nini was giggly and loud. She danced with Natalie, Ashlyn, and Seb before Seb went over to the corner of the room to make out with Carlos. EJ was still no where to be found, and at least Gina had gotten up from her place on Ricky’s lap to go dance with the girls.

Some time later, Ricky received somewhat of a surprise— a super drunken Nini stumbling over to him, barely keeping her balance. She snatched his pen from him and hungrily shoved it at her face. “C’mon, Ricky! Dance with us!”

“Whoa, Nini, I think you should sit down.” He got up and out of his seat to stable her.

“What? No! I feel fine. I feel perfectly great,” Nini giggled like a madly. “I am just okay, I am happy and sober, and great. I’m fine.” She was slurring her words. “I’m fine!”

He gripped her forearms. To be honest, he wasn’t perfectly sober either, but he was much better than this. “No, Nini. You need to drink some water.”

“No I don’t!” Before he could respond she yanked his arms and dragged him to the dancing area.

It was strange being so close to Nini again. She gripped his hands tightly, using his arms as props for her own fun dancing. It was like one second he was all nerves and worries, and the next she was up against him, like nothing had changed since the first time they had ever danced.

But that’s how Ricky knew Nini was trashed. She had been so cold towards him for months, when all he wanted was a chance to talk to her, win her back. This wasn’t her.

“Nini, you really should take a second. Eat something.”

“You’re no fun.” Nini pouted. Her hands moved up his arms and rested on the back of his neck. Her head swayed around. She bathed in in the lights and the music, and no matter how concerned Ricky was for her, he couldn’t help but stare at her face. She was beautiful and carefree. How had he let that go?

Ricky knew he shouldn’t. He really knew he shouldn’t. But something overcame him. He let his morals go and let himself dance with Nini. He knew she was taken, but he could not help himself. His own hands found her hips, and he swayed there with her. A dopey grin appeared across her face when Nini felt him give in, and Ricky could feel his own lips curving up into a smile.

They pressed their foreheads together, feeling the world around them melt away. This touching, the dancing, their hands on each other. Ricky had never felt this right in so long. The warmth of her body close to his was so familiar and so missed. He needed this to last. This moment with Nini. He wanted it to go on forever.

“What the fuck Bowen?!” Ricky heard a bark from across the room.

EJ.

———————————

Nini’s ears perked up at the sound of her boyfriend’s voice. Her boyfriend. She looked up at the boy in front of her realizing what she had been doing. Her head was all fuzzy, but this person in front of her was definitely not her boyfriend.

“That’s my girlfriend” EJ continued to yell. “Get your fucking hands off of her.”

“I’m sorry man, I really didn’t mean to—”

“Well that’s not what it looked like from here. It looked like you meant it.”

“Look, it was a mistake, I’m sorry.”

EJ stormed over to the pair. Nini felt frozen. In her drunken stupor, she didn’t know what to say or do. She felt EJ rip her hand away from Ricky, gripping her wrist with such a strong force, her skin burned.

“Just stay the fuck away from her, okay? She’s not yours anymore.”

Everyone in the party watched them as EJ dragged Nini down the hall. No one spoke, they all just looked at each other. Ricky stood there frozen. The air was tense, but soon after the dancing resumed.

Nini, however, was having a much different experience. The air around her was still very much tense. She could almost feel the heat of EJ’s anger coming off of him. But even in all this turmoil, her head felt hot. Still extremely drunk and high, Nini stumbled after her boyfriend as he tossed her into the guest room. She heard the door lock.

“What the fuck were you thinking!?” EJ screamed at her. “What are people going to think when they see my girl dancing with her ex? Huh?!”

“Babe, I’m sorry—“

“How do you think it makes me feel? I have a reputation to uphold! I can’t have you and that curly haired asshole ruining it.”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry is not enough!” EJ yelled one last time looking to the floor and rubbing his temples.

Nini walked over to him, placing her hands on his chest trying to comfort him. She didn’t know how to keep apologizing. Because he was right. Sorry wasn’t enough.

She placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled his head down so their lips could meet. She started slow, but she gradually made her kisses hungrier, rougher, just the way he liked. EJ started to relax a little bit, forgiveness coming in the form on wondering hands and returned pecks on the face and lips.

EJ started moving Nini towards the bed. Nini, still not thinking straight, let him. She let him start to take control. Let him push her down onto the bed where his body pressed on top of hers. She let his hands start to go to places she hadn’t let him do before.

She let him go farther and farther, farther until she felt him try to peel off the shirt she was wearing. Nini pulled away.

“EJ, I don’t want to do that right now.”

EJ was still kissing her neck. “But I want to.” His hands started to change their intention, going for Nini’s jean’s button instead. This time Nini put a hand on his chest and physically push him away.

“EJ I said no—“

“You fucking bitch,” EJ’s face was just inches from her’s. Nini was taken aback. EJ had always been so respectful, no matter how frustrated he was. This was new.

“You leave me in the cold for months while I’m the perfect boyfriend, and the one time where I want something you can’t pay me back?”

“I’m not ready EJ.”

“So you fucking cheat on me and still won’t give me what I want.”

“I just can’t-“

EJ was persistent, still not letting Nini go. She kept trying to push him off of her, but he grabbed her wrists and held them above her head with one of his hands. Her head was still foggy, the simple action of moving her arms was tiring her. Aside from the rising feeling of panic in her chest, Nini was still quite intoxicated.
She felt EJ yank at her pants and underwear. Tears started to sting her eyes. She wanted to scream but couldn’t find the air. What was he doing? He was a nice guy, what the fuck is going on?

Nini started to hear the sounds of his belt buckle. She finally realized the extremity of the situation. No no no. Stop please stop. She repeated in her mind, hoping the words would form in her mouth. But they didn’t and she could only feel the weight of her boyfriend on top of her, could only hear his heavy breaths in her ear. Nini wanted to scream but she couldn’t.

Thats when she started crying. A whimpering sound coming from her throat and tears falling down the sides her face.

She trusted him

She trusted him

Why would he do this to her?

Why why why why

She felt him shift on top of her. And then she felt a pressure between her legs. It was her one last chance to fight it, to get away. Her lungs finally filled with air and she made any possible sound she could. What came out was some hybrid of a cry and a scream. She twisted her arms, just trying to escape.

It was at that moment when she heard the door fly open, hitting the wall, and EJ was thrown off of her.

Get the fuck off of her!

———————

Ricky burst him to something horrifying. He was sitting outside the room EJ had dragged Nini into, trying to see if he could catch her on her way out. But then he heard some altercation, followed by crying and screaming, and when he broke the door down, Nini was restrained on the bed, EJ fucking assaulting her.

Ricky’s blood was searing hot, something overwhelming his chest. He ran towards EJ and threw him off the bed. Ricky got on top of the senior and threw punches at his face, holding onto the collar of his shirt, punching so hard a splatter of blood landed on the floor next to EJ’s face.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Ricky screamed between punches. “You fucking asshole. You are a coward! That is not how you treat Nini— you fucking cunt”

Ricky’s vision wasn’t clear. It was fogged up with his own tears and anger. His own screaming and yelling filling the air. He heard Nini behind him.

“Ricky! Stop!” He heard her scream. “You’re gonna kill him!”

That’s the point He thought. Ricky kept going, it felt like an eternity of punching until he felt multiple sets of hands on the back of his sweatshirt, pulling him off EJ. He tried to fight them. He wanted to keep hurting EJ. Hurting the boy who had tried to fucking rape Nini.

Ricky was eventually pulled off, though he tried his best to fight it. Restrained by Seb and Big Red, Ricky watched as Ashlyn and Carlos rushed to check on EJ.

“What the fuck happened?” Seb asked looking towards Nini.

Nini sat in a little crumpled ball on the bed. Her pants pulled up from before, her hair frazzled, tears staining her cheeks. “He—he tried to—I—“ She tried to speak between hiccups. “We were— and then he tried to—“

“He tried to fucking rape her,” Ricky spat between clenched teeth.

The room went quiet, eyes turning to Ricky to see if he was serious, and then to the unconscious EJ on the floor, as if to see if he would look like the monster he became in their minds.

“Nini,” Ashlyn whispered. “Is this true?

Nini hesitated, but eventually nodded. Ashlyn ripped her hands away from her cousin’s face, suddenly disgusted instead of concerned.

“Ricky, lets go outside, get some air.” Big Red suggested, looking from him to Nini and understanding that some space was probably needed.

They walked him to the porch, letting him sit on one of the lawn chairs. It was pretty late, no cars passing by and only the sound of wind and crickets. So much more peaceful than was had just unfolded inside. Seb told him that he might feel better if he had time to “cool-off,” but Ricky knew that nothing would make him feel better right now.

Ricky was silent, and Big Red let him be. The red-haired boy just sat with Ricky outside in silence. Not asking for an explanation, just sitting there.

It wasn’t for a couple more minutes when he finally decided to speak up. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Why her?” Ricky spoke, barely a whisper.

“What?”

“Nini is the kindest, most generous, beautiful girl to ever walk this fucked up planet.” His voice trembled. “Why her?”

Big Red shifted in his seat. “I don’t know.”

Some time past—probably just fifteen minutes, but to Ricky it felt like hours— and he made his way back inside. He found Ashlyn crying in the living room, Carlos and Gina comforting her. He walked over.

“Where’s Nini?” He asked Gina.

“Still in the guest room, Seb is calling her an Uber.”

Ricky nodded and went to Nini. He softly knocked on the door, hearing a weak “come in,” and entered the room, his eyes reaching for Nini.

She was still on the bed. Since Ricky had been dragged out, EJ was moved somewhere, and Nini had been left in here. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, her eyes red and puffy from the crying. A half drank glass of water sat on the bedside table.

Ricky made his way over, sitting himself down the the corner of the bed, knowing she wouldn’t want anyone to touch her at the moment. Why her? She was the purest thing in his life, why did this have to happen to her?

What could he say to her to make her feel better? Ricky couldn’t ask if she was okay, because clearly she was not. How could anyone be?

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, the only thing he could think of. God, if he didn’t dance with her. If he didn’t dance with her, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

“Don’t be sorry,” Nini replied, her voice weak, trembling.

There was silence for a couple of moments, both sitting there accompanying each other, their thoughts a whirlwind in their heads.

“Your hand—“ Nini looked towards Ricky’s knuckles. Ricky peered down at them. They were bloody and bruised, a purple-pink color covering the back of his hand.

“Oh, right.”

Nini slowly inched over and took Ricky’s hand from out of his lap. She inspected it, handling it with so much care. He watched her face, the furrowing of her eyebrows, the concern in her face when he grimaced because of the pressure. He stared at the way she bit her lip, trying to analyze his injury instead of dealing with her own.

“You should but some bandages on it and you’ll be fine,” Nini finally said after a while.

“What about you?” Ricky asked. Nini’s head popped up, her eyes locking with his, some type of surprise in her face like she didn’t expect Ricky to remember what had just unfolded. “How can I help you heal?”

Nini was silent, but her eyes said so much. A mixture of shame and confusion. Ricky watched her eyes glaze over with tears. He switched their hands so that now he was gently gripping hers. Nini’s head fell towards his chest, resting it there. He felt her relax slightly, but could feel her unsteady breaths.

“I’m gonna make sure you’re okay.”

Chapter Text

The Uber that Seb had called was a small black Prius. Nearly undetectable in the dead of night, Nini stood outside on the curb to wait for it, Ricky by her side. She stood so still, arms wrapped around herself, her mind still wrapping around her assault.

Assault. Is that what had happened to her? She had watched so many instagram awareness posts, and the school provided a sexual assault seminar for the students to take. Of course, technically, it was assault, but it felt different. It felt like betrayal, an attack by someone that she really trusted. Just thinking about it made her shiver. The trapped feeling of EJ on top of her. Someone she used to feel so close to, suddenly feeling so foreign on top of her body. An enemy. It made her want to curl into a ball and hurl herself off of a cliff.

But for now she would just teeter on the edge of the concrete curb, holding herself when she didn’t trust another to yet, looking into the air in front of her, slowly building walls around her heart.

The headlights of the car are what snapped Nini out of her momentary daze. Ricky stepped in front of her to make sure the Uber was legit, and then opened the passenger door for her to get in. She stepped off her small ledge and stared into the back of the car. A stranger’s car. The clean, gray leather seats suddenly looked so— empty, lonely. She realized that she didn’t feel like being alone right now.

“Ricky,” she spoke in a soft voice, turning from the car. “Would you take me home?”

Ricky nodded. His arm went up to touch her arm out of instinct, but he quickly drew it back. “Of course.”

Nini got in and he shut the door for her, jogging around the back after so he could get in. Something about his presence eased that empty feeling of the car. It made the car feel— less foreign? Uncomfortable? She couldn’t place the feeling, but Ricky just made it feel right.

When they arrived back at Nini’s, her moms’ cars were not in the drive way, for they were away for the weekend. Some work trip. It was probably for the better, Nini thought. She couldn’t face them tonight. Or tomorrow. She just couldn’t face them this soon.

Ricky thanked the driver and caught up with her on her front steps once the car drove away. He bent down to the doormat, retrieving the back up key that her family kept there and unlocked the door for her. They stood there in silence at the open door. Nini just couldn’t step in yet. Like the car, the empty house just seemed to bare, void of any comfort.

Ricky watched Nini’s expression as she stared at the open doorway. “I could come in with you—if-if you want I mean.”

Somehow he could always read her, always tell what she was thinking because yes, that was exactly what she wanted. Nini nodded and they made their way inside and up to her room.

For some reason it didn’t feel strange or uncomfortable that Ricky was back in her room. It felt normal, like he belonged in this room with her. Nini turned to Ricky and saw that he was admiring the pictures above her bed. He seemed transfixed on them.

“What is it?” Nini asked, snapping him out of his small trance.

Ricky turned his head towards her. “Oh, it’s nothing. Um—“ He pointed to the photo on the third row. “I just thought you would have taken this down.”
Nini searched for what he had been referring to. It was the polaroid of them on valentines day when Ricky had bought her chocolates and decorated her locker. She felt a smile emerging for a second, something she didn’t expect to do tonight.

“Oh right,” Nini replied. “I thought it would be a waste of film to throw that out.” She paused. “I also like that memory.” She added.

Ricky went back to observing her room. Nini looked down at her own body and saw she was still in her jeans and sweater. A wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over her as she realized she couldn’t magically change into pajamas and get right into bed.

“Hey, um, Ricky?” Her voice was suddenly timid and embarrassed. The boy turned to her right away.

“Yeah?”

“I need to put on some pajamas. Could you, like, look the other way?’

“Oh, yeah of course.”

Ricky spun around awkwardly to face her wall as she started stripping off her clothing, changing into sweatpants and an old t-shirt. After Nini had finished changing she took a second to look at the boy in front of her. His hands in the pocket of his hoodie, staring silently at her wall. He had done everything and more that she had asked of him tonight. How had she let him leave her all those months ago?

“You can look now.”

He turned back slowly and with caution, as if making sure he wouldn’t see anything she didn’t want him to. They stood in silence for a moment, not knowing what move to make next. Nini searched him for a reason for him to stay longer.

“Oh Ricky, let me fix up your hand.”

Ricky looked down at his bruised and bloodied hand remember, but hesitated his response. “Nini, are you sure you don’t want to talk abo—“

“No your hand is hurt, I can help—“

“Nini you should’t worry about that—“

“Please?” Nini begged. Her voice filled with desperation, not wanted to relive what happened tonight.

Ricky nodded. “Here, come sit on the bed,” Nini directed as she went over to her desk to get the small first aid kit her moms had put there after Ricky fell off of his skateboard one too many times. She took his hand and started cleaning it off with alcohol wipes, wrapping it with the white bandages afterwards. Keeping her hand attached to his, she stared at her handiwork.

“There,” Nini whispered. “All better.”

Her eyes were locked on the space between them, but Nini could tell that Ricky was just staring at her. He didn’t let go of her hand, and she didn’t let go of his.

“Nini, look—“

“Ricky, no.”

She still wouldn’t look up into his eyes. Ricky stared at her with desperation, just wanting to find a way for her to realize he would always be there for her. “Just hear me out,” Ricky began. “I know you’re not ready to talk about it, and I won’t push you to, I promise.” He squeezed her hand a little bit tighter. “But I want you to know that I’ll be here when you’re ready. I’ll be here for anything you need.” Ricky bent down slightly trying to see her eyes, make her see him. “Anything.”

Nini slowly started to raise her head, tears aggressively forming in her eyes. Something uncontrollable, distorting her vision of Ricky. She opened her mouth, trying to find the right things to say, trying to find the right words to express how much she hurt.

“It’s like my whole body is screaming,” Nini began, her voice trembling. “Like it started screaming to be saved and it still hasn’t stopped.” She finally looked him in the eyes. “Ricky, why won’t it stop?”

Nini’s words came out in sobs, her voice broken and raggedy. Ricky’s face was also starting to crumble, his own eyes becoming watery. The girl he loved with all of his heart hurt in a way she never deserved to hurt.

She fell into Ricky’s arms, gripping onto him as tight as she could. She felt Ricky’s arms wrap around her cautiously, but once he got a feel over her, he fully embraced her as well.

Nini expected to feel trapped again, she expected to panic, but Ricky was just something else. He wasn’t EJ. He was that feeling she couldn’t describe in the car. He was a warm, safe place for her.

She couldn’t ever feel trapped by Ricky, because Ricky was her home.

The pair fell back onto the bed, Nini curled up in his side, Ricky’s arms sheltering her from some invisible threat. She sobbed into his chest as he held her, pressing occasional kisses into her hair.

Nini didn’t know when, but in that time she fell asleep. Fell asleep in the arms of the one person she trusted to keep her safe. The one person she loved.

Chapter Text

Ricky’s eyes felt heavy when he woke up the next morning. His head was pounding, his mouth dry. The light coming in from the window was too bright, and it made him wince at the slightest opening of his eyes. When he adjusted, Ricky realized the pattern of the sun was a little different than in his room. He lifted his head up an inch to take in his surroundings, and discovered that he was in fact not in his own room, but Nini’s.

That’s when he noticed a warmth cuddled up into his side. That’s when he noticed the sounds of soft slow breaths, and a hand gripping his hoodie. He looked down at himself and found Nini burrowed up next to him, her legs hugging his lower body.

The previous night all came rushing back, and a wave of sadness hit Ricky when he realized it wasn’t all just a bad dream. However, looking at her in the morning light, Ricky smiled to himself. Finally she was at some state of peace, even if it was just her sleeping. At least she was dreaming about something that wasn’t real life.

He was shocked last night that Nini wanted him to be so close to her. He had every intent to give her some space. He knew that after what had happened she may have not wanted to be touched, or hugged, or smothered. But here she was, clinging onto him like a child hold a stuffed animal.

Taking his one free hand, Ricky moved the hair that had fallen on Nini’s face, tucking the pieces behind her ear. He just wanted to look at her face, but Nini started to shift around. Ricky cursed at himself silently for waking her up, but she creased her eyebrows and nuzzled her face deeper into his chest.

Nini groaned, removing her hand from his chest to rub her eyes.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Ricky whispered. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” Nini replied, her voice raspy.

“Do you want me to get you anything? Water? Advil?”

“Both.”

“Okay.” Ricky rubbed her back and untangled himself from her. He brought her fluffy throw blanket up and draped it over her so she wouldn’t suddenly feel cold.

In the kitchen, Ricky remembered where everything was. He knew the cabinet with the cups, the medicine cabinet, even the snack drawer.

Coming back into her room, Ricky found that Nini replaced him with one of her pillows, clutching it tightly like she was just clutching him. She sat up at the sound of Ricky opening the door and fixed her hair.

“Here,” he said handing her a granola bar. “You shouldn’t take it with an empty stomach.”

“Thanks.”

He watched as she unwrapped the bar and took a bite out, savoring like she hadn’t eaten in days. Nini soon gulped down the water and the pill.

“Do you need anything else?” Ricky asked. “I could run to the cafe and get some breakfast if you want. Or I could try and make pancakes or something if you still keep around that mix-“

“Ricky you should go home and wash up,” Nini interrupted him.

“No, it’s fine, I can stay if you really need.” Ricky was still concerned. She had just been attacked last night. He didn’t want to leave her just yet. He didn’t want her to be alone

“I’ll be okay, but you should change, and brush your teeth or something.”

“Was that an insult?” Ricky joked.

Nini chuckled. “Just go worry about yourself for a little bit, I can fend for myself for a while.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nini felt bad that he had spent so much of his time taking care of her, waiting on her. “You’ve been perfect,” She grabbed his hand. “Thank you. For everything.”

Ricky looked unsure, like he himself wasn’t ready to oblige yet. But he stood up from the bed. “All right, I’ll go. But if you need anything, anything, text me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And I’m coming back right after I clean up.”

“That’s fine.”

“Maybe I should wait until your moms get back…”

“Ricky,” Nini nearly laughed to herself from how protective Ricky was being, but she thought it was so thoughtful. “Go. I can deal for an hour or two. Plus, your breath does kinda stink.”

Ricky put his hand to his chest like he had just been shot and had an offended look on his face. “I’m hurt,” he pouted. He let his hand fall after Nini chuckled, and made his way to the door. “Bye, Nini.”

“Bye, Ricky.” She pressed her lips together into a subtle smile and he closed the door.

————

After Ricky left Nini hopped into the shower, hoping to wash away the memories from last night. She watched the suds and bubbles go down the drain, hoping they contained any remnant of EJ’s touch, his hands, his kisses. Even if it meant washing away Ricky, Nini just wanted to be clean.

She got out and dried herself off. It didn’t work.

Wrapping the towel around herself, Nini finally saw the damage that had been done, on the surface at least. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Plus she was just tired in general. Her wrists, bruised from being held too tight. Even her neck had some evidence of bruising. She guessed at some point last night he held her down like that. Maybe thats why she couldn’t scream for so long.

Sitting in her room, her hair in a dripping messy bun, she blankly stared at the wall. Now that everything had calmed down from the night before, what now? She wondered how she could possibly face him at school. A constant reminder in the halls of what had happened to her. And what about Ashlyn? I should call her, Nini thought. Not right now though. I can’t see anyone right now.

Nini turned her phone over to check the time, but was disturbed by her wallpaper, a photo of EJ kissing her cheek. She quickly went to settings and used the first picture she could possibly find to replace it. She discovered about twenty photos she had mindlessly snapped from the previous night, but fortunately found some random sunset photo.

It was 11:36, about forty-five minutes since Ricky left. He would probably be back soon to check up on her. Last night was such a blur, but he was the only constant the whole time. And the way he held her—it was just how things used to be. Nini couldn’t deny that she felt something last night that she hadn’t felt since the summer, but she really couldn’t think about that right now, just not yet, at least.

Nini suddenly heard the front door opening and sounds of voices, women’s voices. “Shit,” Nini cursed to herself. Her moms were home. She didn’t know if she could face them now, but glancing over to the mirror in the corner of her room, looking at the bruises and puffy eyes, there was no way her moms wouldn’t know that something was wrong. She had to tell them.

Her moms were joking about something as they lugged their bags through the front door. Nini watched them from the top if the staircase. She didn’t want to talk to them, to ruin their seemingly happy weekend. So she waited a couple more moments. She gave them a couple more moments of never having a daughter who was nearly raped.

When they saw her their faces slowly dropped, from smiles to looks of confusion and concern. Nini stood there for a moment, saying nothing, and then opened her mouth to speak. “Hi, moms,” she croaked out.

They rushed to her quickly, aiding her down the stairs as if she couldn’t walk. “Nini! Oh my goodness what happened?!” Mama C exclaimed, setting Nini down on the couch.

“Sweetie are you okay?”

“Who did this to you?”

“Was this at the party?”

“Moms, I’m okay, I’m okay,” Nini reassured them. She wasn’t okay, but what else was she supposed to say?

“Nini,” Mama D started, “What’s going on?”

Nini bit her lip, unsure about how to start. She never imagined having to have a conversation like this with her moms. “Well, um,” her voice started to crack. “Last night at the party, I got really drunk. An-and I know you guys always tell me to be responsible, and I wasn’t being responsible, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine sweetie, whatever it was, it’s not your fault.”

“But I think it was.” Nini’s voice was quiet, her eyes starting to fill with tears. “I was dancing with, um, Ricky,” she paused to look away from her moms. “And then EJ saw, and he was really drunk too, and he got really mad. Like really, really mad.” Nini was trying really hard to hold in her sobs, but every time a word came out of her, it became harder and harder not to cry. “I tried to apologize, but then he-he tried to—rape me? I don’t know.” It was the first time that word came out of her mouth.

“Well was it consensual?”

“I mean—no, but he’s my boyfriend, or was my boyfriend, so I—“

“Just because he’s your boyfriend does not mean he can do anything he wants to you,” Mama D said sternly.

Nini paused, staring at the floor. I guess that’s it, she thought. It was rape. He tried to rape me.

“What happened next?”

“Um, I guess Ricky was outside and he heard, so he busted the door down and started beating EJ up. I was really confused, so-so I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t. Everyone started coming in and they took Ricky off of him.”

“Thank god Ricky was there,” Nini heard one of her moms mutter to the other.

“Yea anyway, they brought me some water and I sobered up. Ricky brought me home actually and he left this morning to make sure everything was all right.” Nini broke down into a sob. Her moms must have been ashamed of her. Ashamed to have a daughter so stupid and irresponsible. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “Moms I’m so sorry. I should have been more careful, and I shouldn’t have made him mad, I’m so—“

“Nini, honey,” Mama D gripped her hand. “You have nothing to be sorry about, okay? Nothing. It was not your fault. That was EJ’s decision, not yours. No matter how drunk you were, he had no right at all to violate you, okay? Nini, look at me.” Mama D tilted Nini’s head to face up towards her. “We love you, and nothing can change that. This is not your fault.”

Nini nodded and continued to cry, falling into her moms’ arms. Her chest was heavy, air was hard to obtain, but she felt warm and safe. It had gone better than she could have ever imagined.

After a couple of minutes of crying, Nini had the strength to lift herself back up so her moms could continue talking.

“It may be too soon,” Mama C began, “and you absolutely don’t have to answer now, but I wanted to ask—do you want to press charges?”

Nini was still for a moment. She hadn’t thought of that at all. It seemed like a freak accident more than a crime. And EJ was a good guy—no stop telling yourself that, Nini kicked herself. But despite that. She honestly didn’t know yet. “I don’t- I really don’t know.”

“That’s okay hon, we can figure that out later.”

Just then they heard the front door slowly creak open. Slightly damp curls peaked through, and followed an unsure Ricky Bowen. He looked at the family, taking in the situation, figuring out what must have just happened. “Oh, um hey, I was just coming to check on Nini, but I can come back later—“ He started head back out the door but Mama C stopped him right away.

“Absolutely not, mister, come here.” She extended an arm to him and she took his hand when he made his way over. “Thank you, Ricky,” she looked between him and Nini. “Thank you for taking care of her, really.”

Ricky looked slightly shocked. His face went a little while. “Oh, no really it was nothing. You don’t need to thank me. I’m just glad Nini’s okay.” He looked back and forth among the women in front of him and dropped his hand. He cleared his throat, as if suppressing some type of reaction bubbling up inside of him. “If you’ll excuse me,” he spoke, and then rushed right out the door.

Nini sat there a little confused. That was strange. He barely wanted to leave her this morning, why did he run way like that?

Chapter Text

When Ricky left Nini’s house the first time, he immediately jumped in the shower so he could get back to her as fast as he could, but as he stood in there, he tried to recall what had led up to EJ getting mad enough to hurt Nini. There was drinking and then dancing and then yelling, then the sounds of….

Wait

The dancing. The dancing was what made EJ so mad. Ricky’s blood went cold despite the hot shower. Oh god. If only he didn’t dance with Nini. He knew he shouldn’t have, but he did it anyway like a fucking idiot.

It was his fault. It was his fault it had happened.

He had a simple plan. Go check up on Nini, make sure she was okay, apologize, and then give her space for as long as possible. She probably didn’t want to be around him. Hell, she probably came to the same conclusion that he did.

But his plan was thwarted when he arrived to her house. Nini crying in her moms’ arms. His plan was to apologize for how much he hurt Nini, the danger he but her in, the trauma. Instead they thanked him, thanked him. He was horrified. They shouldn’t thank him, they should hate him. Because he hated him.

Ricky started to panic, standing there holding Mama C’s hand. He needed to get out of there. Get himself away from Nini. So he ran. He bolted out the door onto the sidewalk, and started heading back home. He pressed his palms to his forehead, trying to shake away that guilt, that fear. He heard footsteps behind him.

“Ricky, wait!” Nini called. He whipped around to see her jogging after him.

“Nini, not right now, I really don’t think I should be around you.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I practically had to kick you out this morning.”

“Because, Nini, I just-I can’t.” Ricky finally stood his place. His voice hitched. His eyes stung. All he wanted was to keep her safe and he couldn’t do that.

“Why?” Nini asked, stepping closer to him so she had to crane her neck up slightly. She searched his eyes, she didn’t know she saw. “Ricky?”

Ricky scanned her, finally getting a good look. The bruises, the tears. It was all because of him. “Because, Nini, all this—“ he gestured to her injuries. “All of this is because of me.”

“What are you talking about?” Nini asked, a little bit angry. “This was all EJ”

“But if I didn’t dance with you—“

“This still would have happened.” Nini placed her hand on the side of his face so he would really listen to her. “Maybe not last night, but it would have happened, one day. This was EJ. It was inside of him all along. He’s the monster. Ricky—“ She tilted his chin so he would look at her like her moms had to her. “You saved me, you made sure I was okay. Ok?”

It took Ricky a couple seconds to admit it, but she was right. It was EJ. He nodded. “Ok.”

Nini wrapped her arms around his torso into a tight hug, reminiscent of that morning. Ricky returned the gesture, burying his face into her shoulder.

“Please, don’t blame yourself, Ricky.”

Ricky basically spent the rest of the weekend at Nini’s house. She didn’t seem to want him to leave, and neither did he. They watched hours and hours of movies and TV shows to pass the time. Hours on the couch with bowls of popcorn and an abundance of snacks. He tried several times to ask her if she wanted to talk, but she would simply turn back to the TV, point out something funny, and shut down the conversation. He knew it probably wasn’t healthy, but he guessed she needed some time.

Sunday night, they were on the last episode of some one-season Netflix show they had started that very morning. Nini had subconsciously started to cling to Ricky’s arm, her head nuzzled up against his shoulder. Ricky could hear her breaths start to slow, a soft snore start to emerge. Looking at the time, Ricky realized it was getting late, he needed to go home for school tomorrow.

Ricky nudged her with the shoulder she was rested on. “Nini, I gotta go.”

She groaned, waking from her light slumber. “No.”

Ricky smiled to himself. “It’s almost 11:00.”

“No,” she responded once more.

“Seriously, Nins, we have school tomorrow.”

She groggily sat up, brushing the hair from her eyes. “Oh,” she seemed to suddenly remember that school was even a thing. “Right. School.

Ricky studied her. She was barely awake, yet he could still see the nervousness in her eyes from the thought of having to go to school, to face all of her friends. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, ok?”

She nodded. Ricky pressed a kiss to her forehead before standing up to get his shoes and helmet. The kiss felt so natural. He didn’t even know if it was a romantic gesture, or rather a sign of his caring, to let her know he was there, and he wasn’t leaving.

—————

Nini spent an upwards of a half an hour the next morning trying to find something to wear. It was about sixty degrees out, yet she had to find something to cover up her injuries. She tried concealer at first, but it just looked cakey and she didn’t have nearly enough. Moving to clothing, she only had a few turtle necks, many of which were itchy and suffocating. She settled on a grey, turtle neck sweater, and wore a pair of loose mom jeans. She kept her hair down, in efforts to cover up anything else that might show.

Ricky showed up right on time in front of her house.

“Morning,” she greeted him as she sat down in the passenger seat.

“Morning.” She could sense that he was observing her outfit, knowing what she was hiding, but he didn’t say anything. She was glad.

Arriving in the school parking lot, Nini saw that her friends were huddled near Ricky’s usual parking spot. They must have coordinated this whole ordeal, but when they spotted the car they got all silent and just stared as the pair pulled up.

“I’m fine,” Nini immediately stated as she stepped out of the car.

“We just want you to know that we’re going to be here for you for the whole day,” Carlos informed her. Behind him stood Seb, Big Red, Gina, and to her surprise, Ashlyn. “From right this second, all the way to rehearsals. At least one of us is going to be with you,”

“Thank you guys, it means a lot.” Nini embraced Carlos, and then each of her friends one by one, until she got to Ashlyn.

“Hey, how’re you doing?” Nini asked, gripping the strap of her backpack. She was worried that Ashlyn might be mad at her. Blame her for bringing out the monster in her cousin.

“Not great, but Nini,” Ashlyn took the girl’s hands in her own, connecting the space between them. “I’m on your side. What my cousin did was unforgivable, and that will take some time for me to deal with. But you’re my friend, and you didn’t nothing wrong, and I want to help you.”

“Thank you, Ashlyn, really.” Nini pulled her into a tight hug.

Before first period, walking through the halls, first shift was with Gina. The two girls walked side by side, not saying much for a little while. Gina was the first to break the silence. “Nini, I just want to let you know, at the party with me and Ricky—“

“No need, I get it. We’re not together anymore, you did nothing wrong.”

“But I just wanted to say— I haven’t known you for long, so I really didn’t know the history there, but I can tell he really cares for you, and I want you to know that I’m backing off.”

“Yeah I not I’m even looking to date right now—“

“No, I know, I know, but even so, I’m not going to waste my time on someone who’s in love with someone else.”

Nini stopped in her tracks. “Well, I wouldn’t say in love.” He’s not in love with me, Nini thought. No way.

“Yeah, okay,” Gina laughed.

“No, really, he’s not. The whole reason we broke up is because he couldn’t say ‘i love you’”

“Oh really? Because he spent the past two days at your side. He organized the whole buddy system that we’re doing right now. He really cares for you, Nini.”

Nini looked up at Gina’s earnest eyes and then down at her feet. There was no way. Yeah sure, he was pretty amazing this past weekend considering all that’s happened, but he broke her heart. For weeks she was broken, he had broken her. And she spent the past couple months building herself back up.

And Nini almost got there. She was almost all rebuilt until a couple days ago. “I don’t know, Gina,” was all she could say.

It was only second after when Nini heard her name being shouted from down the hall. The voice that had a familiar but startling tone to it. It made chills run down her spine. Her head snapped up, her heart quickening its pace.

EJ was jogging down the hall to meet her.

His face was bruised, especially his eye, and he had a bandage over his nose. Just looking at him reminded her of that night. Quick flashes started to come of her in that room, on that bed. She clenched her fist, trying to push down whatever that was bubbling up.

Nini wanted to sprint away. To curl into a small ball and recede into a corner. But all she could do was freeze in her tracks, and squeeze the books in her arms a little bit tighter. Luckily, Gina stepped in front of her, the girl’s tallness masking Nini’s body. It was such a relief, and gave Nini a new appreciation for the sophomore.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Gina spat at him. “You can’t talk to her.”

“Gina, c’mon. I just need a second.” EJ pleaded, annoyed by Gina’s presence.

“You don’t get a second, you get nothing. You seriously think you can just walk up to her after what you did? You’re fucking delusional.” Gina started getting up in his face.

All Nini wanted to keep doing was hiding behind Gina, but some type of light turned on in her brain. She couldn’t avoid EJ forever. They would be in the play for the rest of the winter, and going to school together for the rest of the year. Like it or not, she had to confront it. Hell, maybe it would be healthy for her to get some…. Closure?

“Gina, it’s okay.” Nini tapped Gina to alert her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m going to talk to him in there,” Nini motioned to an empty classroom nearby. “Just wait outside, I only need a couple minutes.”

Gina nodded, and Nini let EJ follow her into the room. Just his presence was slightly terrifying to her. Her chest felt tight, the back of her eyes stung like she wanted to cry. But she needed to deal with this boy.

“What the hell do you want?” Nini asked, trying to toughen up her voice, but failing— her voice shaking the tiniest bit.

“‘What do I want?’ What do you mean? You’re my girlfriend and after dancing with another guy you haven’t talked to me all weekend.”

Nini’s jaw dropped at his response. Was he being fucking serious? Not even acknowledging the fucking mess he caused.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nini’s voice got really low. Her trembling voice started to stabilize, and her fear started turning into anger.

“No, you’re a cheater and I don’t even get an apology,” EJ scoffed.

“You tried to fucking rape me.” Nini got up close, spitting at his face.

“What are you talking about? You’re my girlfriend and we were just playing around. Then Ricky had to come it and make a mess—“

“I’m not your goddamn girlfriend anymore, EJ. And even if I was, that is not ‘playing around.’ I gave you no consent and you attacked me.”

EJ rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t say I attacked you.”

Nini shoved him back and then tore the collar of her turtle neck down to show her bruises. “Then what do you fucking call this?” She peeled back her sleeves to show her wrists. “And this? You don’t get this from ‘playing around.’ ‘Playing around’ doesn’t result in being pinned down on a bed against your will. ‘Playing around doesn’t mean being choked until you can’t breathe or scream for help.”

EJ started to tower over he. He clenched his jaw, and the tiniest, barely noticeable grin came across his face. “Oh yea? Well you fucking deserved it. You’re a fucking prude and a bitch who couldn’t even give me third base.”

Nini’s head was so hot with anger and disbelief. She observed his face, the slight amusement in his face he got from riling her up. She looked into his eyes, and she saw it. Nini finally saw it. The horrible monster that was hidden in him all this time. The villain that was around her this whole time. The evil that resided in his mind that she couldn’t see for so long.

“‘Oh yea?’” She mocked his voice. “Well it seems that I have about six witnesses and several bruises that would be perfect for evidence”

EJ paused, a little confused. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” Nini stepped back, away from him, starting to head for the door. “I’ll see you in the fucking court, EJ, and you’re going to rot in fucking prison.” And with that Nini whipped the door open and joined Gina once again.

“Everything okay? What happened?” Gina asked.

“I have to call my moms.” Nini told her. She was going to do it. She was going to make sure this monster got what he deserved.

Chapter Text

“Nini, are you sure?” Mama D asked. Nini had sat both her moms down to tell them her final decision. She was going to take this to court.

“Yes, mom. I want him to pay for what he’s done, and I want to make sure he can’t do it to anyone else.”

Her moms looked to one another, searching each other’s eyes for some type of agreement.

“Okay, Nini. If that’s what you really want, then we’ll do it. It might take a really long time, though.”

“However long it takes, I’m in.”

“And it might be really draining for you to go through.”

“It’s worth it, I can do it.”

“And your assault, It may become public knowledge. Kids in your school might find out about it.”

Nini paused for a second. She hadn’t thought about that. Everyone knowing that she was sexually assaulted while trashed at a party. “That’s— it’s okay. I’ll learn how to deal with it, I just want justice. I want to make sure he get’s what he deserves.

Both moms gripped Nini’s hands. This would be a huge undertaking, especially for a seventeen year old girl to go through. But they agreed. She needed to do this. Not just for justice, but for herself.

“All right. We’re going to do this.” Mama C put some motivational pep into her voice. “So when do you want to head to the police station?”

———

Nini texted Ricky to come over to her house that night. After a whole afternoon of talking with her moms and homework, the sun set and she needed to talk to Ricky. He had been with her through it all, from that night until that very day at school. Somehow, for some reason, Nini felt herself attaching to him, like she needed him as a constant.

Sitting alone in her bedroom, Nini heard a knock on her door. She granted permission to enter and was greeted with familiar golden brown curls peeking through the door. Ricky came over and sat in the corner of her bed.

“So, what’s up?” He asked. “Are you okay?”

“Everything’s fine, I just have something really important to tell you.”

She sensed him getting a bit nervous. He shifted closer to her as if to comfort her, but she went even further and grabbed his hand. “My moms and I talked, and I thought it over a bunch. And then Ej came up to me in school today and—“

“Wait, EJ came up to you? What did he say? Did he hurt you? I swear to god—“ Ricky started to get up from his spot on the bed like he was about to go and beat up EJ, but Nini used her hand that was still in Ricky’s to pull him back to her.

“No, he didn’t hurt me, but this is my point,” Nini tried to capture his attention, and the boy started to settle back down. “Talking to him made me realize that I want him to pay for what he did to me, and I’m,” She built up the strength to say this with sureness. “I’m going to take this to court.”

Ricky was still. At first searching her eyes to make sure she was being serious, and then looked down to contemplate. “Wow, Nini.” She waited in silence. She needed him to support this. She needed him to be with her so she could go through with this.

He continued. “That’s— that’s amazing.” He looked up at her and smiled, squeezing her hand a little tighter. “I’m really proud of you.”

She grinned. “Thank you, Ricky.”

He suddenly looked like he wanted to do something, make a move but not knowing whether he could. “Can I hug you?” He asked. Since the weekend he had been especially cautious with touching Nini.

“Of course,” Nini leaned in and hugged him tight, smiling into his shoulder. She pulled away. “Oh, I have another favor to ask of you, if that’s okay? I know you’ve done a lot for me already but—“

“Anything, Nini.”

“Could you come with me to the police station? For making the report, and the pictures and stuff?” She motioned to her injuries. “There haven’t been many people who have seen all of this, and it would make me feel better if you were there.”

“Of course, Nini.” He paused. “I’m always going to be here for you, okay?”

She paused. Nini felt bad. She needed him, but in some way she felt bad about taking up so much of his time.

“Okay?” He persisted.

“Okay."

The next day they headed to the police station right after school. Nini’s moms were in the front seats, with Nini clinging onto Ricky in the back. Her hands felt sweaty, the reality of the situation becoming more real as they traveled closer to the station. When the pulled up and parked, Nini leg was bouncing like crazy, her jaw clenched.

Mama D looked back and observed how nervous she was. Giving a small glance to her wife, she spoke up. “Honey, we’ll wait outside.” She side glanced to Ricky. “You can come in when you’re ready.”

Nini nodded and her moms headed out. She felt so confident yesterday. She knew that this is what she wanted to do, but sitting in this parking lot her nerves overcame her, her doubts firing in her brain. “Ricky, I’m not sure about this anymore.”

Ricky, slightly surprised of the contrast of her emotions from the day before, looked over to her. His face close to hers, she was faced forward staring out the window. “Well,” he started. “If you’re not sure this is the right thing for you, then you don’t have to do it.”

This time Nini was taken aback. She faced the boy quickly, some type of desperation in her face.

He continued. “If you think that it would do you more harm than good, then don’t do it. If it will make everything worse, then don’t do it.” Ricky brushed her cheek with his thumb. “But if this is just nerves, and fear—If you know in your heart that this is what you have to do, but you’re scared,” Ricky paused, pursing his lips and shaking his head a bit. “Nini it’s okay to be afraid, but if this is what you need to do then we should go in and do it.”

Nini took a second, but she nodded eventually. He was right. If she truly felt that this wasn’t a good idea then she shouldn’t have to do it. But that wasn’t what this feeling was. She was scared, but deep in her gut she needed to pull the trigger. Nini nodded. Ricky returned her agreement with a kiss to her temple, and they headed out of the car.

Nini approached the front desk at the station. The desk officer kept her eyes on the monitor and greeted Nini with a sort of monotone “Hello, how can I help you?” Nini took a deep breath.

“Hi, um I would like to file a report.”

“And what will you be reporting?”

“Um,” she looked back at her moms and Ricky. They all nodded back at her. “I want to report an attempted rape.” The words felt so heavy in her mouth.

The officer looked up at Nini with a restrained surprise, no question looking at her neck. She turned around to pick out a paper from an organizer on the wall. “Fill this out in the waiting room and an officer will be with you in a few minutes,”

Nini sat down with a pen and the clipboard in hand. She stared at the the form. Sexual Assault Report Form.

Nature of Assault: ____________

Nini scribbled on the paper. Attempted rape

Next box. Type of Examination: Victim  or   Suspect

Nini circled the word.

Date of Assault

Alcohol use:  Yes / No / Unknown By Assailant: Yes / No / Unknown

Drug use:  Yes / No / Unknown By Assailant: Yes / No / Unknown

Assailant Description: ______________

It all seemed surreal to put it down on paper. Nini’s hand was shaky, her marks and circles light and unsure. Biting on her pointer finger nail, she concentrated so hard on the form, like it was more important than the steps that were to come. Ricky put a hand on her bouncing leg to calm her. The warmth of his touch was enough for her to stop fidgeting, and she leaned towards him slightly as a sign of gratitude.

A few minutes later a police officer came to escort Nini to an interrogation room. He explained that it was to get her account of the situation and to take photos for evidence, for her assault was quite obvious due to her appearance, and bruises would be a time sensitive case. He explained that her moms could come, but the boy had to stay behind. Nini reluctantly agreed to those terms, and after some coaxing she followed the officer to the back.

The walls of the room was a pale beige color. It looked less like the rooms you saw on TV and more like a small office with a table and two chairs. The officer asked Nini to sit down. Her moms were asked to wait outside the room. Nini watched as the two women left, giving her small words of encouragement and smiles. The room suddenly felt so empty again, so foreign. Like that uber had felt, like her house had felt.

A female officer came into the room wearing latex gloves and held a camera— a bulky one with a flash attachment sticking out. A man followed, also wearing gloves but less police-looking. He turned out to be the medical examiner. He got right down to business, explaining the process and asking Nini to take off her sweater. Nini was hesitant, nodding like it was no problem but in reality, she wasn’t quite ready to expose herself. Biting the bullet, Nini peeled off her top and let the clothing fall into the floor. She felt a rush of cold air across her back and chest. She crossed her arms across her midsection.

The man approached her. “I’m officer Brighton, I’ll be your medical examiner today. I’m just here to see the nature of your injuries.” He reached out. “May I?”

Nini nodded, biting her lip. Brighton started to touch the areas around her neck and chest, pressing on the bruises, asking her occasionally if it was sore or not. Even through the latex, his touch made her heart speed up, her head start to fill with panic. His touch was bringing her back to EJ’s unwanted hands. Unwelcome. She looked up to the light to suppress her tears, swallowing hard.

Officer Brighton scribbled on his clipboard. “Okay, I think I got what I need. We just need some pictures and then we’ll take your account of the event.” He stepped to the side and the lady officer stepped forward.

“Ma’am, arms to your sides please, and you’re going to have to stand up.” The officer spoke with impatience.

“Oh, right. Sure.” Nini stood awkwardly and hand her arms to her sides.

The camera clicked, the flash going off, like a blinding light immortalizing her attack. Nini was asked to turn, and she did. Click. Flash. The officer came closer to her, getting a more detailed image of the bruises. Click. Flash. She was asked to place her hands on the metal table, palms facing up. Click. Flash. Palms down. Click. Flash.

The officer finally let Nini redress herself. “So, let’s walk through the incident. Where would you like to start?”

Nini twiddled her fingers in front of her. “Well, it was last Friday. My boyfriend and I, or well ex-boyfriend, went to this party. It was fine at first. There was some, um, drinking and other, um, drugs.” Nini kept peering up at the officer like she was being judged. To her surprise, the woman kept an indifferent face and kept typing on her laptop. Nini continued. “I guess we’d been having problems for a while. But at the point when we were pretty intoxicated, I started dancing with my friend. He-he’s a guy, it was a guy. My boyfriend saw us and I guess he got super mad. He locked us into the room, and we started kissing—“

“Was this kissing consensual?”

“I mean, yeah,” Nini suddenly heard how bad this would sound. Her initiating things. But she kept talking despite the officer’s burning gaze. “I started the kissing, like an apology I guess? And then he started going further, and when I told him no,” Her voice broke at that point. She thought she could get through it by now without crying, but she was being proven wrong. “When I told him no,” Nini repeated the phrase keeping her composure. “He held me down by my wrists. And he choked me so I couldn’t scream. I kept telling him no, but he didn’t stop.”

“Were you still intoxicated at this time?”

Nini nodded. “It was really hard to scream, and my head was pounding, and all I could feel was his weight on me. I finally managed to scream out, and my friend, the one from earlier, he came in and got my boyfriend off of me.” Quickly swiping her tears away from her face, Nini finally calmed her crying down. “Then all my friends rushed in. They took my boyfriend out of the room. I sobered up and went home.”

She sat in silence while she waited for the officer to finish typing. When the lady did, she looked up and pursed her lips. “Anything else?”

“Oh, uh, no.”

“Ok, then I think we’re done here.” She started to close the computer.

“Wait, wait, that’s it? What now?” Nini was surprised at how casual this seemed to the woman.

“Well now you should probably lawyer up, and we will call you back in one to two weeks once the report is finished.” She stood up. “Would you like me to walk you out?”

“Um sure.”

Nini got up and followed the woman outside. Her moms were waiting outside the door and embraced her the second they laid their eyes on her.

Walking into the waiting room, she found Ricky had got up from his seat and was pacing back and forth between the seats.

“Ricky?”

The boy’s head shot up and he sort of speed-walked towards Nini, like a repressed urgency to be near the girl. “You okay?” He asked, wrapping his arms around the girl.

She nodded. “Yeah,” she spoke into his chest, her voice muffled.

He breathed out a kind of relieved chuckle. “I’m really proud of you, Nins.” He nuzzled his head further into her shoulder. “Really proud.”

Chapter Text

The whole group was gathered together at their usual lunch table, and all eyes were on Nini. They sat and listened attentively as she filled them in on what happened and what’s to come.

“That’s awesome, Nini,” Kourtney smiled at her.

“Yeah, we’re all really proud of you,” Big Red chimed in.

“Thank you, guys, really,” Nini looked around at the group. “It’s all about to get pretty hectic, I’m glad I can talk to you guys about this.”

“As you should,” Carlos reached for her hand. “We’ll be here to listen and help in any way possible, right guys?”

Everyone responded in scattered agreement, but overall the energy was very supportive. Nini crinkled her brow. “Aww, you guys are gonna make me cry,” She laughed. They all huddled in giving her side hugs and words of encouragement. Nini looked around at this group of friends. Never in a million years did she think she would find such amazing people, but they were all here and they all made her feel loved.

After school at rehearsal, they started Act II. Ms. Jenn mainly had the dancers practicing, so the actors were to wait aside and practice lines. Nini’s buddy for this day’s rehearsal, according to Ricky’s buddy system, was Seb. They sat together going over lines between Sharpay and Gabriella.

“Nins, I need to go to the bathroom real quick, do you think you’ll be okay?” Seb asked, closing his script.

Nini looked over at EJ in the corner, who seemed occupied reading his lines. “Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be super quick I promise,” Seb flashed a quick smile and scurried out of the room.

Shaking her head and breathing out a chuckle, Nini dove back into her script. With the craziness of the week, she realized how behind she was on memorization and needed to concentrate.

But not even seconds later, like a hawk waiting and watching for its time to attack, EJ quickly entered her peripheral vision.

“Hey, I need to talk with you.”

Nini looked up at the boy and then looked around to see if any of her cast mates were seeing this interaction. Ashlyn was helping Big Red manage the light board. Carlos was trying (and failing) to catch Ricky up on some dance moves. Kourtney was organizing a rack, and—

“Hey!” EJ let out a sharp whisper, snapping back Nini’s attention. She couldn’t call out for help, she would look weak in front of him.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“You can’t press charges on me,” EJ’s jaw was clenched, his eyes filled with fire.

“Why the hell not?”

“You just can’t, okay! I’m trying to get into schools right now, do you know how hard it is to get into college these days?”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you tried to rape me!” Nini spat, still in a low whisper.

EJ visibly cringed at that word. “Look, Nini, if you press charges it’s going to ruin my life.”

“Look, EJ,” She said mimicking his condescending tone, “I really don’t care if it ruins your life. You deserve it.”

EJ was getting riled up. “Nini, please.”

“Too fucking late, asshole.”

“What?”

“I already filed a report. They already took the pictures.” The corner of Nini’s mouth started creeping up. “My moms are probably looking for lawyers wight as we speak.”

“Are you fucking serious?” EJ grabbed Nini’s wrist, squeezing so hard she felt her joints crack. The script in her hand rustled and pages fell to the floor. The familiar feeling of his hand there quickened Nini’s heart. Somehow the air in her lungs couldn’t escape, the back of her eyes started to sting.

“Yes—y” Nini started stuttering her words, not being able to get any air while his hand was on her.

Ej sensed that he had this effect on her, that he had the upper hand now. “You’re going to regret this,” EJ spoke in a low whisper through clenched teeth. He threw Nini’s own arm into her lap, letting her wrist go. Nini sat dazed for a couple of seconds. It was like his touch put a spell on her, bringing her back to that night. She finally let out a shaky breath of air, Seb coming back to sit down in front of her, snapping her out of the daze.

“Sorry, the janitor was in there and I had to get around his stuff,” his smile fell when he saw Nini staring strangely at him. “You okay?”

She plastered a small smile onto her face. “Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just a little spaced out.” Nini looked around the room to see if anyone saw that encounter as she reach down and picked up her papers. Fortunately, it didn’t look like anyone paid attention.

She sat while Seb recited his lines to her, papers in her lap. Words spilled out of his mouth but for some reason she couldn’t pick up on any of them. Nini simply sat with the papers in her lap, rubbing the back of her wrist, wondering for the thousandth time that week if she’d ever be free of EJ’s hands.

“You guys wanna come over and hang out for a bit?” Big Red asked as the group gathered all of their stuff. “Like a fun end of the week thing?”

“Sure, why not,” Ashlyn agreed. “If you guys are down?”

Everyone nodded, moving as a group to the exit to leave the school. Nini straggled behind a bit, still slow-moving trying to shake off her encounter with EJ. Stuffing papers into her bag, she let out a flustered sigh. Ricky turned back when he heard her, staying back.

“Nins,” he called out, getting her attention. She aggressively zipped up her bag and swung it over her shoulder. “You all right?"

“Of course,” she replied, lightly jogging to catch up with everyone. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

———

Ricky had given Nini a ride to Big Red’s. The whole time in the car she silently looked out the window, tapping on the glass with her knuckle. He kept looking over at her, trying to read her face, but could not figure out what was wrong. Something was off. He just knew it.

They arrived at Red’s and made their way down to the basement, plopping their backpacks down at the side of the room. Ricky and Nini were the last of the group to arrive, everyone mainly scattered around, some on the floor so on furniture, but nonetheless joking around and laughing about something Carlos just said. Some type of mumble rap was playing loudly in the background, and many of the teens had already taken out their pens.

“Yo Ricky! Nini! Ya’ll are late like always,” Kourtney joked

“Not our fault, we got stuck behind an old lady on the way here,” Ricky laughed. He walked with Nini, letting her take the last beanbag by the girls. He sat down on the floor by Red.

“So now that we’re all here…” Big Red reached under his mattress and pulled out small tin box. He popped it open and Ricky saw it was filled with several, messily rolled joints.

A bunch of hoots and cheers came from everyone and Red passed a few for everyone to share. He turned to Ricky after lighting one. “Want some?” He asked,

“No, can’t. I’m driving that one home,” Ricky motioned to Nini. And it wasn’t just that. He knew the last time he’d been high some intense shit went down, and he wasn’t fully sober enough to prevent it. Just the thought of putting a joint to his lips left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Oh, right.” Big red huffed out, letting the smoke drift up across his face. “You know, you’re a really good guy, Ricky.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like with taking care of Nini and everything.”

“Well, I mean of course.” Ricky stared at Nini from across the room. The way her face lit up when she smiled at her friends. Her hair so perfect but so effortlessly falling in front of her face. Her voice, her laugh. This deep rooted urge to make sure she was safe and happy. Some light bulb lit up in Ricky’s brain. “I love her.”

The words somehow fit so perfectly in his mouth, like something he’d been waiting to say for so long. Big Red turned to him, sitting up and punching his shoulder. “Woah, dude, really?”

“I mean, yeah. How could I not?” A smile crept up Ricky’s face. “I love her a lot. I’m pretty sure I always have”

———

It was all fine until they started getting high. Nini was having a great conversation with her friends. Ashlyn was going on and on about Big Red, the girls giggling, totally shipping the pair together. At first they tried to talk to Nini about her feelings, but she dismissed everything, claiming she just wanted a “regular night with the girls.” There was some awkward pause, all of them knowing she probably should press down her feelings, but what could they do about it? They certainly didn’t want to force to her talk about anything. So they just brushed over it and started talking about boys and other dry conversations.

Eventually, Nini watched the pair of joints that were being passed around. She hadn’t been high since— well since that night. Ashlyn had acquired one of them, passing it around to the girls. Gina offered it to Nini.

She considered. Maybe it would help her chill out for a bit, forget what happened earlier at rehearsal. But something, something didn’t feel right. Nini declined the offer.

Watching her friends all get high, Nini started observing the room. The smell, the loud music, the chatter. People taking hits and watching the vapor float up and disappear. It was all so familiar. Nini’s head started to fog up, her peripheral vision getting fuzzy. It felt like she was back there. Back at the party. The same party where she was heavily intoxicated, dancing and talking to her friends. The same party with the same music. The same party where she was still dating EJ.

EJ.

Nini’s chest tightened. Oh god, EJ. He was here. He had to be here. He was somewhere and he was going to come out at any second. He was gonna storm out and grab her by the wrist. Drag her to a locked room and attack her. She just knew it. He was here somewhere. Everything was way too familiar for him not to be here.

He’s here he’s here he’s here he’s here.

She had to get out. She had to escape whatever situation her brain concocted. In the most stable voice she could muster, Nini told the girls she would just be in the bathroom, then darted up the stairs and quickly rushed into a bathroom locking the door. Her hands were shaking, heart beating so fast she could feel it in her chest. Her breathing came out in shaky, shuddering.

Nini cursed at herself. Why did she have to feel this way? So broken, so fragile. She hated this-hated herself. How had she let someone break her so badly? This heavy feeling in her chest, like cement, weighed down her whole body. She curled up into a little ball against the back wall of the bathroom. Hugging herself, she grabbed at the sleeves of her sweater, trying and failing to shelter herself tight enough so she might feel safe.

Moments later she heard a soft knocking on the door. Nini held her breath, her face breaking as she tried to suppress her panicked breathing and sobs.

“Nini?” She heard a boy’s voice—Ricky. Fuck, Nini thought. She felt so stupid. He always ended up having to save her, take care of her. She felt like needy toddler every single time she needed Ricky.

She choked down her crying and tried to breathe. “Y-yes?”

“Nini, are you okay?” He asked, his voice soft but full of concern.

“I’m fine,” she managed to say. “F-fine.”

“Nini,” He repeated her name, obviously not believing her at all.

Directing her eyes up at the light as to stop the tears, she tried to gather herself. Tried to muster up a voice stable enough to speak.

“I’m okay,” she bottled it all up, but the only sound she could make was that of a shaky whisper. “Please, just, please? Trust me I’m okay.”

But soon enough her lungs gave out, she couldn’t keep it down. One large hiccup escaped her. She clamped her hand over her mouth, cursing at herself once more, and squeezed her eyes tight trying to silence herself. I can’t keep doing this to him, Nini repeated in her head. I can’t keep dragging him down with me.

To her dismay, she heard the door creak open, then someone rush in, wrapping their arms around her. Ricky had entered, immediately falling to the floor to meet her. Nini couldn’t resist anymore. She reached towards him, letting his arms engulf her. Pressing her face against his sweatshirt, she finally let out her real cries.

“I-I can’t b-breathe,” She gasped out. “It’s so h-hard to breathe, w-why can’t I breathe?”

“You’re okay, Nini, I’m right here you’re fine.”

“N-no, not okay. He’s here, why is he here?” Nini felt this overwhelming sense of danger. She gave into her own delusion, her own panic. It was so irrational to think that he was here, but there was no escaping her head.

“Who’s here?”

“EJ! He’s here, I know he is. H-he’s looking for me. I can’t—“ Nini felt Ricky tighten his grip on her. “He said I would regret—he said I would regret it. He’s going to hurt me again—I can’t b-breathe! Why can’t I breathe?”

“Nini, we are at Big Red’s,” Ricky tried coaxing her back to reality. “It’s Friday afternoon, we just had rehearsals. EJ is not here.” His hand pressed against on the back of her head, Nini was sat between his legs. “No one is going to hurt you,” he reassured her.

She felt her breathing start to slow, her sobs getting a bit farther apart. No matter how much she hated needing Ricky this much, she felt so much safer, calmer. He didn’t tell her to stop crying. He didn’t comment on how delusional or irrational she was being. Didn’t comment how she was so fragile it was as if she was shattered and then put back together with school glue. Ricky just sat there on the bathroom floor together, whispering in her ear, holding all of the pieces together. Holding her.

———

Ricky texted the group saying Nini wasn’t feeling well, some kind of headache. The ride home was short. Nini barely spoke in the car, but Ricky walked her back into her house and then all the way back into her room, wanting to make sure she was settled in.

He was really tiptoeing around her. If Ricky was being honest, he didn’t know how to handle these situations. The only times he could remember having to comfort a crying Nini was back in fifth grade when she fell off of her bike, or in seventh grade when some girl started making fun of her at school. This was something else. Something more intense. This was panic attacks and trauma, and Ricky needed to find a way to help.

Leaving her upstairs for a moment so she could change into more cozy, comforting clothes, Ricky got a glass of water for Nini in the kitchen. While he was there, he pulled out his phone to text his dad.

Hey Dad, gotta stay at Nini’s for a little while. I don’t know for how long but I’ll be here.

Sure, is everything alright?

Yeah I just need to be here

By the time Ricky got back to her room, Nini had changed into some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Her eyes were a little puffy as she sat on her bed a little dazed. She quietly thanked him when he handed her the water, taking a small sip before putting it down on her nightstand.

“You should probably be getting home,” Nini told him, covering her hands with the ends of her sleeves.

“No, it’s fine. I can stay all long as you need,” Ricky replied, sitting down on the corner of the bed. Guilt flashed over Nini’s face. She bit the inside of her mouth, looking down at her wrapped hands.

“What’s wrong?” Ricky asked, inching closer.

“I just think that you should go home,” Nini forced out a chuckle. “Just like, get away from me for a little while, you know? I mean, you’ve been helping me all week I just think—“

“Nini, do you want me to leave?” His voice was more full of concern than offense.

“I want you to want to leave,” Nini explained with a little more urgency.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that all week you’ve been helping me, and driving me, and walking me to classes, and running to my aid when I’m broken, and I think you need some free time,” Nini looked up at him. “Away from me,” she added.

Ricky was trying to put the pieces together in his head. She wanted him to want to be away from her? He could only think of one possibility. “Nini, do you think that you’re a burden to me?”

She nodded.

Ricky nearly laughed to himself. Nini? A burden? If anything, this last week spending time with her was the most fulfilled he had been in a while. Instead of just being that mopey guy who let the girl of his dreams go, he was doing something. “You’re absolutely not a burden, Nini. If anything, in this past week I’ve felt like I’ve actually been useful. Like I’m actually helping.” Ricky leaned in a bit closer. “I care for you a lot. You know that, right? Please know that. And please know that I am more than happy to help you with whatever you need.”

Unsureness clouded around Nini’s head, he could see it, but eventually she hummed an agreement, looking up at Ricky with sincere eyes. She mouthed a thank you to him.

Shuffling further onto the bed, Ricky had other matters to discuss. “Also, about before—what did you mean when you said he told you ‘you’d regret it?’”

Fear emerged from Nini’s face. She tucked her knees to her chest. “Oh, it’s just something he said to me today. It was nothing, really.” Her fingers started traveling to her hands then started rubbing a spot on her wrists. Ricky’s eyes were glued there and knew it would only mean one thing.

“Did he touch you?” Ricky asked, anger seeping into his chest. Nini looked up at him, shame distorting the way she moved her mouth and she nodded. Ricky could feel the fire inside of him. The audacity this guy had to talk to her again, to touch her. He wanted nothing more than to go and find him and tear him apart, but that wasn’t where he needed to be right now.

Instead, he let Nini fall into him, who could no longer resist the magnetism between the two. He let their bodies fall back onto the bed, clutching her tight and letting her burrow into his side. He knew something as simple as a hug was all she really needed right now, all they needed to heal from the emotions of today.

Laying there, with her hand playing with the strings of his sweatshirt and Ricky’s hand on the small of her back— this, Ricky felt, this was his purpose.

Chapter Text

About a month or so had passed by since Nini’s panic attack, at least that’s what her therapist diagnosed it as. After it happened Nini had no choice but to inform her mothers about it, for she knew it was the smarter choice. Soon after that they had placed Nini into therapy, another smart choice. She was apprehensive at first. There was such a stigma around it. Therapy. Isn’t that where all the crazy went to help fix their problems? But no, she thought about it some more and realized it was a perfectly healthy way of coping with the trauma that she had endured, and to be honest it was really helping her.

Nini was at her third session that month. Her therapist’s office was kinda exactly how she imagined it would be when she first came. A low coffee table in between a long beige couch and a leather armchair. There were stress toys strewn about on the table and on the furniture. Nini placed herself on the right side of the couch so she could use the armrest. She played with a purple, sand-filled stress ball while her therapist, Dr. Kelly Gardner, sat across from her.

“So, Nini, how have you been this past week?” Dr. Gardner asked, mainly as a default question.

“I’ve been okay,” Nini replied, a default answer.

“Any recent panic attacks? I know you haven’t had one in some time, but anything come up?”

“No, this week has been pretty normal. I’ve been using those breathing exercises, so thank you for those,” Nini joked.

Dr. Gardner chuckled along but continued her assessment. “And at school? How are things there?”

This was a bit of a heavier question, Nini knew. The news of the assault had gone public after the report came back and EJ was properly charged for sexual assault. Her moms had found the lawyers, a court date had been set. It was moving pretty quickly, but the students of East High were not one step behind on all of the updates.

The day after most people found out, Nini came back to school to stares and whispers. Looks of sympathy, pity. Girls she’s never talked to coming over, creasing their eyebrows and telling they’d be there if she needed anything. That she was “so strong” and “so brave.” She also faced those looks of disgust. The so-called “girl who cried rape when she cheated on her boyfriend.” At first, it was so overwhelming. It caused one or two more panic attacks, two or more occasions locked in a bathroom stall, blankly staring at the wall, trying to calm the fuck down. But life moved forward. She would have to deal with all the chaos anyway.

“I mean, it’s still you know, a little much. People talking about me when they don’t think I can hear and stuff like that. But I’m better at ignoring them now. Like we said, it’s not about what they think of me, but what I think about me.”

Dr. Gardner smiled, tight-lipped. A look of approval. She knew that Nini was skeptical of her lessons in their first sessions, but she was showing signs of improvement.

“How are things with EJ?” Dr. Gardner asked next.

This was a topic Nini tried to tiptoe around in the beginning. She hated that any thoughts of EJ triggered something in her. It shamed her that he had that kind of power over her and he was just a mere thought.

After that instance at rehearsal, Ricky upped the security on her buddy system. He was persistent to say the least, protective. Her friends were instructed to make sure EJ did not enter a fifteen-foot radius of Nini at any given time unless it was crucial to the production. Nini thought it was absolutely ridiculous. She protested it, not wanting to be guarded like some fragile princess. Finally, after some persuasion, gaining support from Gina and a little from Kourtney, she convinced him that was a little over the top, but she was nonetheless still careful when she was in the presence of EJ.

EJ had tried to approach her multiple times after the first incident. Most times she ignored him, but after the charges were made official, some type of confrontation was necessary.

To Ricky’s dismay, Nini agreed to meet with him in an empty classroom one Wednesday during lunch.

“Nini, are you kidding me?” EJ asked incredulously as if he didn’t believe Nini had it in her.

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life,” She told him, leaned up against a desk.

“This ruined any chance of me getting into a good college, you realize that right?”

“I do realize that, and it shocks me that you haven’t realized that I don’t give a fuck,” pushing her body away from the desk, Nini stood a little taller. “You can’t hurt me and expect to get away with it.”

“You know you’re never going to win anyway,” he laughed, false confidence in his breath. “No one is going to believe you.”

This time Nini laughed. She decided a couple of days prior that she wasn’t going to let his words affect her anymore. Walking past him, she patted his shoulder a little extra aggressively. “You can keep telling yourself that, big guy.” She reached towards the door handle to join Ricky anxiously waiting for her outside. “In the meantime, me and my stacks of evidence and my, what was it again? Seven witnesses?— will be waiting to see you in court” She flung the door open. “Goodbye, EJ. Have a lovely rest of your day.”

It felt good for Nini to gain her confidence back. And meeting with Dr. Gardner, sorting out all of her emotions, had really helped. She was starting to feel like her normal self again. Almost.

“And how are you coping with touching? Has it improved since the last time we met?”

“Yeah, actually. I think it’s mainly been time that’s helped, and how much I’m starting to really trust my friends. Honestly, I’ve been pretty okay in that department so far.”

It was the one thing Nini kind of didn’t expect, being flinchy and sensitive people touching her. She knew it was a possibility, but with how much she loved her friends, Nini never thought she’d be on edge by their touch.

Nini noticed it first in the hall when she was meeting Ashlyn to walk her to class. Ashlyn had caught up with her, placing a hand on Nini’s back to get her attention. Nini turned around so suddenly, jerking back and whacking Ashlyn in the face with her hair. There was another time when Seb put a hand on her shoulder during rehearsal. She didn’t move away or anything, but Nini froze, noticed her palms started to sweat, her heart beating faster.

By acknowledging the issue with her therapist, Nini was able to work through it, and now she was pretty okay with it.

“What about Ricky? You said before that he’s the only one you’ve never had the issue with— is that still the case?”

Nini fidgeted in her seat. Last session she admitted to Dr. Gardner that Ricky’s touch had never triggered her in any way. That was just the tip of the iceberg into the Ricky conversation, however, for Dr. Gardner would somehow always bring him up. Nini really couldn’t figure out why. Yeah, sure, he was her best friend at the moment, but why was her therapist so interested?

It could be because of those couple of moments Nini may or may not have shared with Ricky in the past month or two. They were weird, and Nini couldn’t give an explanation to why or how they happened.

One of the moments was when Ricky burst into the girls bathroom one day after school when Nini had run out of rehearsal. She sensed a panic attack rising in her and left to try and chill out before anything escalated. Ricky broke into the stall to hold her. In all honesty, it made her feel a lot better, and after the conversation they had, she didn’t feel bad that he made her feel better. When she pulled away, their faces were so close. Nini couldn’t help to stare at his lips. His breath on her face, his hands clinging to her waist. It was all so… intimate. She didn’t even notice she was staring until Ricky spoke up and asked if she was okay.

And then there was that time in his room. They thought they’d hand out at his place for a change. Nini hadn’t been there in months, ever since they were together last year. It was pretty much the same as she remembered it. Kinda messy, blue sheets, white walls. His skateboards and gear in the corner, sweatshirts piled up on a chair. Pictures of his family were up on the wall. There was even one of him and Nini that she noticed he never took down.

She thought she’d come over to help him study for a chemistry test they had in a few days. He struggled with that subject a bit, whereas Nini almost always got A’s in that class. When they walked into the room, Ricky immediately plopped down on his bed, stuffing his face onto the pillow.

“Ricky, c’mon we should start,” Nini sat on the edge of his bed, patting his back to try and get him to sit up. Ricky simply grunted into pillow and lazily turned over.

“But it’s not for a couple of days,” he complained.

“But you should really get a head start”

“No,” Ricky states simply, starting to to pull on her arm.

“What to you mean no? We have to start!”

“No.”

“Ricky. You said you were falling behind, and I can help you but we need to— Ah!”

Ricky had pulled Nini down onto the bed with him, wrapping her in his arms. He began to tickle her waist like he’d done so many times before when they were together. Nini broke out in a fit of laughter, “trying” to stop his hands from roaming her ticklish spots. Eventually, she managed to roll off of him, laying beside him on the bed. Her hair was mussed up, face red from the giggling.

“I hate you,” Nini joked.

Ricky chuckled, and in the following silence they realized just how close they were. How is it that they always ended up like this? Nini wondered. She saw his eyes flicker to her lips. Butterflies filled her stomach. She wanted to lean in to close the space, and she could tell Ricky wanted to, too. And she almost did it, if it were not for Ricky clearing his throat, his smile fading, and sitting up suddenly.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, the tone of the conversation flipping completely. Nini finally snapped back to reality, taking a step back from the situation. He had just tackled her on the bed and trapped her in his arms. She could see how that situation might make him feel bad. Sitting up, scooting up just behind Ricky, Nini spoke quietly. “Ricky, don’t feel bad. I’m okay.”

“No, no. I shouldn’t have,” he said, shaking his head.

She put her chin on his shoulder. “Really, it’s fine,” she whispered.

Ricky cleared his throat once more and stood up suddenly. “Let’s start studying, shall we?” He suggested, forcing a lighter tone.

Pressing her lips together, Nini nodded. He was going to brush away the situation. Sweep it under the rug. That’s how it’s gonna be, Nini guessed, so she stood up and grabbed her backpack. Taking her notes out, they began studying.

So to answer Dr. Gardner’s question, Nini replied, “Yes.” She didn’t have a problem with Ricky touching her. She never has.

Her therapist smiled, scribbling something down in her journal.

For the first time, they quickly moved on from Ricky without a ten minute conversation her feelings, and Dr, Gardner brought up a different topic. “So, Nini, how are you feeling about the trial. It’s only a couple weeks away.”

“Well, obviously I’m pretty nervous about it. And I think the scariest part is that all of it is just gonna be out there. Like everyone is gonna know what happened.”

“But isn’t it already public knowledge that it happened?” Dr. Gardner asked, clearly suggesting Nini elaborate.

“They know it happened, but they don’t know how it happened. I mean, they’re gonna ask me to describe my experience in a room full of people. It’s just… scary.”

“And how do you plan to deal with it?”

Nini paused. That was a good question. A really good question, really. All she’d been thinking about is how scared she was. Never about what she would do when she got up to the stand, and be asked to tell her story. Where would she start? Would she sound convincing enough? How could she possibly get a word out of her mouth with dozens of pairs of eyes staring at her? She gulped, squeezing the ball in her hand tighter. “I haven’t… I haven’t thought about that yet.”