Chapter Text
Karin does not listen. Sasuke expected that.
He'd at least hoped for more open mindedness than he got.
“You're an idiot.”
“Not just an idiot, but reckless too.” Juugo adds.
Another traitor. Friends can and will betray you one day.
“Come on, guys, he had the guts to ask. We can hear him out at least.”
Suigetsu gets it. His own brother had shielded him from knowing how truly dangerous, even for village shinobi, was back in Kirigakure. Sasuke's just glad to have some measure of support.
“Of course, you'd agree with him.” Karin retorts, “We already knew you were an idiot. Although, Sasuke was a surprise.”
Juugo says, “Your mom won’t hear a word of this.”
“That’s why we’re talking here, stupid,” Suigetsu replies.
They’re both right, far from wrong. Sasuke can’t risk his mother hearing even a whisper of his plans. He’d been careful to not let any seeds of doubt show. It’s why he knew they could only carry out the mission while she was away on one of her own; not that she saw fit to give Sasuke any details. Often, Mikoto will head off without warning to meet unknown people of all sorts. There’s no one to watch her back.
If she never came home, they all would just be left wondering.
His mom still treats him like a little kid. He knows it offers her some measure of comfort, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel demeaning. Every brushed off concern was just another reminder. Sasuke knows that in power and experience that he might not be her equal, but she has to see he’s trying to improve.
Sasuke has proven time and time again he will follow her orders, he will be a loyal son, Still, she keeps him at arm's length. He had done all she’d ever asked. She wouldn’t accept any less.
His mother might never fully open with him, not when she keeps so many secrets close to her chest..He knows part of it may be just because Mikoto is his mother.
Maybe she thinks he can't fully understand.
A small part of him, a dark and secret part, whispers that she would have never treated Itachi this way.
She never did. Sasuke had always wondered why.
Maybe she thinks he’s not strong enough to bear it.
Sasuke has made his decision. He doesn’t care what she thinks. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
He is not a child anymore. He is old enough to make his own decisions now.
Itachi certainly was.
There’s only one way to break free from her unyielding gaze, and it’s force.
Their life had been one of running. He understands that his safety is paramount in his mother’s eyes.
She told him at the very start that it wouldn't always be that way.
Sasuke doesn’t know if he truly believes that.
Itachi destroyed his life. His mother ran from their family home, the wound in her stomach leaking blood down her legs. That mad dash outside of Konoha is something that Sasuke can remember only in parts.
He remembers her eyes wild and panicked as she fed him water from the river with her hands. Sasuke remembers not recognising her at first. At seven, seeing his mother’s sharingan eyes burning with terror and rage was unnatural.
He remembers seeing the blood, bright and spreading closer to his sandals, and seeing the empty look in his father's cold dead eyes. He hadn't seen a battlefield, not before that night. Sasuke knew he couldn’t take his eyes off the wet crimson soaking her apron. It had always been immaculate before.
Their frantic escape from Konoha had both empty spaces and a wave of carnage.
Sasuke doesn’t like trying to remember it.
His entire world shifted that night. It used to be safe, warm, and bright.
Mikoto will never accept peace. She will never compromise her goals, not after what they lost. His mother will never let herself settle into that safe feeling again.
“Never forget, remember their names just as much as our enemies. I won’t forgive. It’s up to you if you choose to follow my path.”
Uncle Naozumi
Aunt Akimomo
Uncle Masato
Harin
Shisui
Grandpa
Dad…
Mikoto told him that he should never forget,
Sasuke wishes he couldn’t .
As the years went on, more names started to blur. It’s a part of life for childhood memories to fade, but Sasuke dreads still. He can remember the important ones. Sasuke still feels those names dancing on the tip of his tongue. They’re so close, and just so painfully out of reach.
He does remember going through the motions those first few weeks after it happened. Nothing felt real. Back then, when words hadn't come easy. What was there to say?
Everything was gone.
Sasuke remembers kicking his feet on the porch of Miss.Tala’s home as he watched his mother train in amicable silence.
He could only listen to the bird song outside, and not know what to say.
How can the birds still sound so happy? There can't truly be peace in the world.
Not now, perhaps one day, but not any time soon if they continue to live this way.
It’s been peaceful, for now, but they can't truly rest not while Itachi is still out there.
The house with the tall iron fence, covered in blossoms and vines, feels so long ago.
The Uchiha compound as it was feels like something from a dream. He can’t even picture it, empty and rotting, in Konoha today. All he can see are faint whisperings of when their home was still alive. The faces of his clan feel like shadows from the dream of a dream.
Sometimes, when Mikoto tells him stories, Sasuke wishes he could see the life they used to have the way she does
In her memory, maybe they seem more alive.
He wishes so desperately that he could remember exactly how his father’s voice used to sound.
It feels cruel that he can so easily remember the squeak of the door as he saw his big brother standing over their parents' fallen bodies. Even then, he couldn't understand. His mind simply went fuzzy, frantic, and blank. Itachi held a blade in his hand, and yet still the foolish little brother asked who did it.
There is one thing he remembers.
He remembers Itachi poking his forehead and giving him that small sympathetic smile, Maybe next time.
As much as he hates it, it feels so real.
Mikoto still rants and raves about how it was Konoha who slaughtered their clan, the ones who did this to them. Sasuke feels guilty even thinking of how much he dreads those paranoid talks. They feel less directed at him, and more painful absent ramblings she wishes she could tell someone else. She didn't explain why it happened, other than laying blame at the feet of Konoha itself. Her rage at the mention of Itachi never fades.
She carries a tragic wrath that makes Sasuke ache when even trying to comprehend.
As much as it weighs down on all of them, his mother carries the burden of the memories he’s lost.
The Uchiha clan are dead. He is still here.
As jaded as she is, he knows she has every reason to be.
If he were alone, Sasuke thinks that duty would mean catching Itachi himself.
It would be up to him to bring justice for their clan.
He knows that he doesn't want to kill Itachi.
Sasuke thinks he would be angry and want vengeance. He doesn't doubt that. He just doesn't think he has it in him. He couldn't plunge his sword into the brother he once loved wholeheartedly.
He hates him. He does.
Part of him still loves him. It's why he wants to understand why he did what he did. He wants to know why a person would do such a thing. Why would he kill them all, and claim to love him ?
Many would argue death would be kinder.
Karin says, “You know, I think your mom would want to see Konoha destroyed. I dont think she'd want you asking questions because she only sees one solution”
“I think so too.”
They question him and they don’t agree, but they can see that he is going.
He is going, so they will go too.
There’s no questioning that.
Uncle Hikomaru is under the impression they’re going on a hiking trip. It’s a lie, but one he believes. It helps that a girl at the community center was known for her crush on Sasuke. She has a class with Karin. His uncle has suggested that Suigetsu, Juugo, and Sasuke all attend the local school only once.
That plan has been foiled by a sternly demanded early pick up..
He probably assumed Karin was asking on the girl’s behalf. A wrong assumption, but Hikomaru tries to stay busy and not bother with the children’s affairs. He treats them with the same professional distance he does his students.
Sasuke doesn't question it. If it brings his uncle some peace of mind, it’s fine.
They had been obedient children. Back then, they had truly tried their best to fit in. They all wanted to adapt to the new continent. For Mikoto, they wanted to try and fit in with their peers no matter how much they didn't.
Karin does better. Juugo is sweet. Suigetsu tries.
Children do notice when something is just not quite right.
Sasuke knows himself well enough. He has little patience for pretending.
People tend to find him sour, rude, and unfriendly. It does rub a little when Sasuke thinks of his friends.
It doesn’t seem fair. They shouldn’t only be comfortable in the midst of chaos and violence. It’s obvious to anyone with sense.
A society built to profit off war, built on the backs of shinobi, can’t ever truly be fair.
The caravan they’re traveling has old residents from the elemental continent, hoping to return to a more peaceful homeland. Many were displaced from the last war, only now managing to take the journey home. They’re led by a woman who can use her eyes, a shining red that glows, to see and hear from a great distance like an unseen ghost.
It helps them all feel safe on such a hazardous trip.
In the summer months, the Land of Snow experiences a warm spell. The snow melt from the mountains drains into the formerly ice rivers below. The river fills with fish racing upstream where grizzly bears and mountain lions wait to feast. This is when the traveling caravans make the long trek across the forests and valleys, following the river as they go.
The vast interconnected rail of Snow Country makes this journey less arduous. It also costs a significant price. Suigetsu was dismayed that they couldn’t scourge that amount of money without being noticed. Those who wished to avoid the rails immensely high shipping taxes there is only one option.
For those willing to risk life and comfort took traveling caravans to across the great mountainous divide that separated the surrounding continents from the elemental nations.
Some headed to use Lightning country as a heading off point to make way further east. Others went to the Earth Country coast where the trade of Wind, Fire, and all the small nations in between lie ahead.
If there is no money to travel by train and need a company to travel safely with----the caravan is the only way back towards the Fire Country.
If his mother can travel to Fire Country unharmed and back again, so can they.
Even if they do this, maybe Sasuke still won’t fully understand why the massacre happened.
He wants to know why Itachi would do it?
The image of the brother he grew up with doesn’t coincide with an unfeeling killer.
His mother says that some people are good at hiding their true selves.