Chapter Text
The sun was starting to set, the clouds a brilliant pink. Deep shadows lurked under every roof, and somewhere, the sound of a wind chime could be heard. The village was bustling, the residents enjoying the cool weather. But inside the house, it was drowned out. A depressing residue filled the abandoned property, and there were only unfulfilled promises and tainted memories.
Dust covered every surface, and no light could creep past the boarded windows. Nothing lived there. Not a single creature made this place its home. It was already filled with an oppressing fog... The smell of death.
Sasori stood in front of a doorway. One of the only remaining rooms he had not touched.
How could this place be so dark? If he closed his eyes, he could vividly imagine the bright ceiling lights and the sound of shuffling in the kitchen. Months ago, he felt trapped in this place. This horrid, unfeeling place...
The silence clawed at his eardrums, the scent of dust and old linen filling his nostrils. The only light provided came from the sunlight in the roof of the living room, which was now dim. Particles of dust floated in the air, making him grimace. He braced himself, and touched the cool doorknob that led to his bedroom.
A creaking sound alerted whatever ghosts may have been lurking, the door opening wide to expose the once sealed off space with light. He held his breath, and took in the familiar layout. His desk, his bed...
He walked in tentatively, glancing down at his own shadow with bitterness. As he stood above the place he once slept, a memory came to him. His grandmother...
He shook off the recollection, and grazed his fingers against the cloth of the bedsheets. When he withdrew his hand, his skin was coated with fine particles of sand. After observing the floorboards closely, he noticed more of it had made its way inside. Even after being closed off from the world, nature managed to stake its claim.
Why did she keep this place? He did not understand it. Only pain remained here...
He walked over to the closet, and opened the doors. It was sparse, as expected, but some of his clothes were still hung on the rack. He gripped the sleeve of one of his uniforms, and closed his eyes. They were all arranged in the way he placed them...
He wanted to abandon the mark the Sand had on him... He wanted to throw it all away. But apparently after going rogue, he kept his old uniform, and crossed out his headband as a declaration. Apparently, he wanted to be known as a Sand ninja- as someone who openly rejected the system. His bitterness showed through this change in attitude.
He then vaguely wondered where his headband was. It wasn’t like he needed it, so he shook the thought aside.
Some of his clothes were missing, and he assumed he packed them when he left. After thinking on it for a few seconds, he remembered seeing them at his hideout. He had moved everything there, over the course of months, piece by piece...
Sasori was a pragmatic person, but he tended to hoard anything that could possibly be of use. Minimalism did not suit him, but that was because he could manage the large collection of possessions he had acquired. He was organized, and there was a place for everything. Everything needed to be where it belonged...
His attention went to his desk. The surface was mostly barren, only a few miscellaneous trinkets left over. He opened the top drawer, and stared down at the stack of decaying paper inside. It was all blank. Almost nothing of him remained.
(“Go look at what became of your home... She kept it exactly as it was when you left her!”)
Sasori frowned. Why did he come here? What was the purpose? Perhaps he simply wanted to see his home again... He figured someone else had moved in long ago, so he didn’t bother to come by, until discovering that his assumption was not the case. This was a tomb.
What was he supposed to feel?
His grand uncle’s words echoed in his mind... No, they screamed at him. All at once, overlapping.
(“You have not changed at all. You are just as you were when you left your grandmother stranded.”)
He did abandon her.
(“What she did after I left was not my problem. She should have seen it coming.”)
He killed her.
He stormed out of his room, and took a breath, hands in his hair. He knew Ebizō was referring to that battle a year before, which he was not responsible for, but when he said that over and over... a voice told him he did kill her.
He could see it on every surface of this place.
Ebizō was right. He was incapable.
He was a plague... Something inhuman that passed through here, taking all it wanted, and then leaving without a second thought... Not caring about anything.
(“Emotions... serve no purpose.”
“Of course they do! You can’t truly live if you don’t feel!”)
This house was a noose tightening around his neck. He walked over to the living room, and resisted the urge to rest against the recently uncovered furniture. Earlier, he had swept through here, unveiling the perfectly stored pieces of his past. The white sheets were now on the floor, like wisps of phantoms now doomed back to hell.
He could not avoid the picture frame on the table. His own reflection could be seen in the protective glass, momentarily distracting him.
He looked so... dead.
His grandmother’s favorite picture... The last one taken of his parents. They all looked so happy. He had spent countless hours staring into the faces of the people he could barely remember anymore. The people he ached for.
(“But what if... I don’t want to feel?”)
The dream he had in the cave came back to him. That reoccurring dream at the beginning haunted him, particularly when he was a child. He would lay awake at night for hours, thinking of them... And when he finally slept, he dreamt of them. So when he awoke again, that emptiness could return.
This house was so cold...
(“Feeling nothing at all is better than feeling what you felt.”)
Was it?
(“You are a scourge... You are only capable of taking everything those coveting eyes of yours see!”)
This time, he flinched from those harsh words...
‘Why can’t I feel anything?!’ Sasori asked himself. The words screamed in his mind, tormenting him. Why couldn’t he feel what she wanted him to?
But he did feel something... He was... unsure of its formal title. Some negative emotion dominated him. Or maybe it was a combination of many things. He disliked the heaviness in his body as he moved, the tightness in his airway. Being here... made him tired.
(“You want me to feel bad for what I did? I don’t.”
I enjoyed it.”)
He clenched his fists, and exhaled. Why did he say that...
At the time, he DID enjoy it... He loved that tragic expression on her face.
‘That conversation... was right here,’ he recalled, looking at the kitchen entryway. It was his last conversation with her. He had destroyed her then.
He imagined her waiting for him for 20 long years... Just hoping she could make up with him. Telling herself that it wasn’t the end.
What was it like to kill him? Was she finally relieved of the burden she placed on herself? Was she filled with regret? And how did he feel, after so long? That conversation in this kitchen was all that he would take with him wherever he went. He knew that about himself. He would replay it over and over again, to remind himself... that she was to be hated. She was responsible for it all. He was always thorough when it came to convincing himself of things.
If he felt the way he did about her then as he did in this moment, he would have liked to see her again. Maybe just to crush her spirit one last time, but nevertheless... And because of what he did in this timeline, he...
He would never see her again.
‘Granny...’
He was so drained...
He felt... despair.
“... Sasori...”
That familiar voice. He shut his eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
Sakura had opened the front door that he had broken through, and searched for his figure. When she found him, she felt chills. So curt. She ignored the pain in her chest, and eased closer to him.
“I... thought maybe you would be here when you weren’t at any of the other places I checked...”
He said nothing. She stood next to him, and eyed his face. Stone cold.
“What do you want.”
He was so angry. Her face twisted into agony, imagining what he was feeling.
“Sasori...”
“I don’t want to see you right now,” he growled, turning away from her briskly. He walked to another wall, and faced away from her. She sighed.
“... I’m... worried about you.”
“... I’m fine.”
“You’re not. That was... awful...”
She approached him once more.
“I’m sorry I made you go there... This is my fault.”
She felt a shakiness in her pitch. She was on the verge of tears again. This was all her fault... Why did she push him? If she hadn’t...
Sasori did nothing. He closed his eyes. He knew she was falling apart behind him. She was always a mess...
“I want to be alone...” he mumbled to himself. She did her best not to take that personally, but failed.
“... Ok...”
She remained still.
“Go away,” he said, now glaring at her. She was finally retreating. Her eyes were so defeated.
“... I’ll... be at my place later... if you need me.”
Sasori’s expression changed, and she understood he wasn’t upset with her. He looked like he wanted to retract his words, but of course, felt incapable of backing down from anything he said or did. Still, she knew. And it was enough for her.
“I’ll... always be here if you need me,” she said with hesitation.
He looked away from her, but something about his body language implied he was still open to her. She bit her lip.
“Just so you know... I don’t agree with anything he said to you. You... aren’t what he said.”
He avoided her gaze, but his demeanor had softened. Now, he just looked... tired.
She turned to go, but he spoke.
“... He was right.”
Sakura whirled around to argue, but faltered. He was staring at a picture frame. Even from where she was, she could tell what it contained. The fact that he said that meant... he wanted her to stay.
“Why do you believe any of that?” she asked him. He swiped away the film of dust on the photograph.
“This house... is exactly as it was.”
Sakura sighed, taking in the empty house. It was so lonely... She didn’t know what to expect from this place, but it was so barren. She imagined him growing up here... She imagined Lady Chiyo sitting in one of the chairs in the room they were standing in. Once, she was happy. Once, he knew he was loved.
“But you didn’t leave her,” she said, walking closer to him. He turned away from her once again.
“I was going to.”
“...”
She didn’t know how to make him feel better. Just like when she didn’t know how to make Sasuke feel better. When it came to his past... nothing she could think of was worth saying. She felt so trivial compared to what transpired... The death... the sensation of lingering regrets...
“But... you didn’t. You... found me,” she said quietly. He looked back at her.
“... You found me,” he said calmly. ”And the only reason I stayed was to make use of you.”
Sakura sighed audibly. She supposed it was time to get to the core of that.
“Sasori... I know that. I’m not dumb.”
“...”
“I kind of always knew that you were sticking around just because it was your best move. But... over time, I know that you liked being there.”
“... I don’t feel what I’m supposed to.”
“You do, you just bury it,” she urged him. “I know this. I’ve seen it. By now, you should know... This whole thing... What you became. It was all BECAUSE you felt things.”
He could not deny her case. But, to feel things, and to feel things for others were two entirely different subjects...
“But I don’t feel bad for the things I do. I’m supposed to.”
Sakura stared at him. Studied him. He was thinking very hard on this... Lord Ebizō certainly shook something loose. She hoped it wasn’t purely hatred.
“... I... need to be alone.”
She nodded.
“Ok. But make sure you eat something, ok? I’ll be at my place later, if you need me.”
This time, she felt a lot better. He wouldn’t disappear on her. He was still talking to her, which was... all she needed.
He couldn’t look at her. She was too much sometimes. She was even telling him to eat, like she was his mother or something. But he didn’t hate her concern for his well being. It was... nice that she bothered to chase after him. He knew that she genuinely cared about him. And for some reason, he felt like he was stuck with her.
“... See you later.”
Sakura awkwardly walked to the foyer, and opened the creaky door. As soon as she shut it, he let out a sigh. What did he even mean when he said he wanted to be alone? To process all of this? He only felt confused here...
Something was still not out in the open. He felt something swimming inside of him, begging to be let out. What was it?
He spaced out for a fair amount of time, and then finally made a decision.
——
“Hey, Sakura!"
Sakura whirled around to see a familiar face in the street.
"Oh, hey Temari!"
Temari caught up to her and smiled. She looked like she hadn't changed her clothes since getting back.
“I just got in. Kankurō said you were in town!"
"Yes, until tomorrow. I need to get back to work," Sakura said, giving her a warm smile. It felt so nice to be on friendly terms with the Sand Siblings. They were a lot different from their first impressions... Then again, maybe they were different people.
"I need to stop by the Leaf soon anyway, and I was thinking maybe I can travel with you."
"Oh, that's perfect!" Sakura blurted, excited for some good news. "It will be way less boring that way too."
The girls both chuckled.
“Where are you headed right now?"
"Just my place, why?"
“Up for some local grub? I know a few good places," Temari grinned.
Yes, she could use a distraction from the day's events.
“Sure!"
Temari took the lead, and they headed down a side street Sakura had never been down before. It was getting darker, and she was grateful to finally have a good meal.
"Kankurō says you traveled here with a friend."
"You mean Sateki. Yes, he happened to run into me. It was nice to catch up after so long."
It was strange to use his fake name. It felt like so long since she had used it...
"When's the last time you saw him?"
Sakura mentally paused.
“... A year ago."
“Is that when you became close?"
"... No. We didn't get along at all actually. But before he... parted ways with me, we came to an understanding. Afterwards, I found myself thinking on him."
Sakura was now lost in thought.
“Oh, is he cute then?" Temari grinned.
”Why does everybody come to that conclusion," Sakura groaned. "He's just a friend."
"Well, where is he now? Would he like to meet up with us for dinner?"
“Ah... I think he's... wrapped up in some things right now. Artistic burdens and whatnot haha," she shooed. She wasn't sure she would be seeing him again that night. He had a lot to work through...
"Oh, he's eccentric?"
"More like anal retentive. Knowing him, he probably cooked something for himself already," she muttered, making up an excuse that, under other circumstances, would likely be true. Temari eyed the faces she made when she spoke about him.
“I do sense tension there. Frenemies, then?"
Sakura chuckled.
“Sometimes we disagree. But he's... oddly pleasant."
He was pleasant, even though he was a pompous ass hat. It was kind of a contradiction, but it was true. More than anything, he was comfortable to her, like he was one of her teammates. Despite that sharp tongue of his, he followed her around like a lost puppy...
‘Cat,’ she corrected herself. He was much more like a stray cat than a dog. Either way, it was nice that he needed her. It felt nice to be chosen.
The girls walked into a sit down restaurant. Everyone, upon seeing Temari, bowed. She greeted several people as they were led to their table.
“This place has amazing kenchin soup. It's one of my favorites," she said cheerfully.
"Sounds delicious... I am pretty famished."
Once they were seated and looking through the menus, Temari came up with more questions for her.
"Will he be traveling with us tomorrow?"
“Oh, um... yes. He told me he wanted to stick with his free bodyguard," Sakura laughed. Temari chuckled as well, covering her mouth with her hand. Sakura was struck by how beautiful the blonde woman was. She always forgot.
'Maybe I will look that good when I'm her age...' Sakura hoped.
“Kankurō said you came to visit Lady Chiyo. How did that go?"
‘It was a disaster,’ she thought to herself.
"... Well. I still miss her. Just when I felt like we really bonded... She was gone, just like that."
Remembering her own connection with Chiyo, Sakura sighed, and placed her head in her hands. Temari crossed her arms, taking in her solemn disposition.
Sakura typically wouldn't burden her with such a dreary, yet honest answer, but she was still down in the dumps about the whole thing. She brought Sasori back to his grandmother, but he seemed to reject a meaningful encounter at her grave. And right now, he was alone in that house... This made her frustrated. He needed to clear things up with her... badly.
She thought back to his reaction when she suggested he visit her alone. He was so against it, despite not believing she could be listening... So why be so adamant about it?
The more she got to know Sasori, the more questions she had for him.
But she knew one thing. If he was going to clear things up with Ebizō, he needed to make up his mind about how he felt about Chiyo first.
Temari’s voice brought her back to the present.
“She was lucky she teamed up with you. She was very secluded, for a long time. It's nice that she made a connection at the end."
Sakura knew Temari had no idea how much those words really hit her. She couldn’t get the image of that house out of her mind...
Before they could continue their conversation, the waitress asked them what they wanted. Sakura went ahead and ordered the same as Temari, trusting her pallet. She wondered what restaurants were around 20 years earlier. Were any of them still running?
After the waitress left, the girls thought on continuing the discussion they had only started to dive into. Sakura bit her lip, wanting to vent openly. She knew she couldn't say what she really wanted to, but...
“... Have you ever been in a situation like that...? I mean, you feel bad that you had to fight at all? I just wish... She could have been happy with him."
Temari thought carefully on how to continue with the topic. Due to her guest’s openness, she felt she ought to delve into it further. It was uncommon for Sand ninja to dwell on sensitive themes outwardly... But she was curious to know Sakura’s thoughts. She stared at her with a strange expression on her face, but she wasn't confused by her concerns. She was simply amazed that she felt that way.
“He was past the point of redemption... He was an enemy of every country on the continent..." Temari decided to say.
Sakura found herself wanting to defend him, but stopped herself. The Sasori they knew was horrible, and deserved what he got. The Sasori she saw moments ago... was a different person.
“I don't mean that... I just wish... He never left. And he could have had a normal life... So she could have been happy."
Temari nodded, now understanding. Sakura once again realized how useless she was back then. She couldn’t do anything for either of them...
That house...
“Yeah... That makes sense."
(“You killed her!”)
Sakura shook off that horrible argument, and continued talking.
"It just feels like I couldn't do anything for her in the end. I was there to just witness something... that I couldn't manipulate the outcome of..."
Temari eyed her carefully.
"Sounds like you still think about this a fair amount. Or is it just being here?"
Sakura sighed.
“... Not sure. I dwelled on that battle for a long time... Even more than the Chuunin Exams..."
Temari nodded in recognition at the mess that was the Chuunin Exams.
"It just felt... more personal,” Sakura sighed.
"I feel the same way. If I was just there earlier... maybe Gaara wouldn't have been taken. And there wouldn't have been any reason for Lady Chiyo to give her life."
Temari looked very forlorn. She shut her eyes.
“You almost lost both of your brothers... That must have been awful..." Sakura said, leaning forward slightly as she rested an arm on the table.
“It was... It still is. They don't get it," Temari laughed to herself. "To them, that is in the past. Kankurō more so than Gaara. I know Gaara still feels guilty for Lady Chiyo."
"She wanted to do that for him... I hope he doesn't feel too bad about it," Sakura replied, looking down. She hadn't thought of how Gaara would feel about that experience.
‘It would be really awful, knowing you are alive because someone beloved gave their life for yours...’
“... I just hope no one feels resentment towards him for it," Temari said.
Sakura's thoughts went to Sasori. Did he... feel hatred for Gaara?
Sakura thought more on the topic. What about Kakashi? His dad killed his parents...
She knew he felt resentment towards his grandmother, but that seemed to be because of his living conditions. He didn't feel strongly about most things... It actually took a lot for him to care about anything. Maybe he didn't care much about this. Still... Was that possible, even for him?
"I doubt it. A lot of people were there when it happened, so they know the truth. She wanted to do it,” Sakura assured her, her attention back on the current conversation.
"I... feel bad sometimes because I was relieved she did that," Temari confessed.
“... I would feel the same way. He's your little brother."
"He's just so special to me... I always wanted him to understand that I care, but he didn't accept me or Kankurō until after the exams... Since then, the three of us became very close. When he was kidnapped..."
Temari sighed, and rubbed her forehead.
"I thought it was all over. I was never going to get to talk to him again... And he had changed himself so much for us... for his people. I thought it was all going to be thrown away." “
”.. I’m glad he’s ok,” Sakura said, giving her a small smile. She wondered how Gaara changed so much. She wanted tips.
“How did he change so much in such a short span of time?" she asked curiously.
“... Well, after Naruto talked to him, he seemed determined to be more like him. He was very serious about it. He struggled a lot, and backtracked sometimes, but you could tell his core had changed... It just took time for the rest of him to catch up."
"So he just needed to want it... And he just did it on his own?"
"Yes. I was so amazed. Over time, he became happier. He smiles so much now, I forget what he used to be like."
Temari smiled fondly, thinking of him.
“He was shy for a long time about it too. He was really hesitant to approach us, or ask questions about what he should do."
Sakura smiled.
“That sounds a bit like my teammate, Sai. He was a real jerk, but he's really friendly now... He is still a bit shy when it comes to reaching out, but I'm so glad he does it."
"Oh? Maybe you can introduce me when we get to the Leaf."
“He would love that,” Sakura laughed. “He is always eager to make friends.”
“... It’s nice that you guys took him onto your team like that.”
“He needed people around who cared about him...” Sakura said thoughtfully. “Like he was an actual human being.”
The last part came out with an acute bitterness. Temari raised her brows.
“So he was in a bad situation then...”
“He was in the Root.”
“Ah.”
Temari understood that better than Sakura ever would.
“... Do you ever feel... like your village is... a bit harsh?” Sakura suddenly asked, catching Temari off guard.
“No harsher than how the Root trains,” she replied smoothly. Her words had no bite to them, but Sakura realized how that came across.
“Oh, I didn’t mean that like...”
“It’s ok. I get what you meant,” Temari offered. She then thought more on her question.
“My father did not treat us like we were his children. We were soldiers. And Gaara... he was a weapon, not a human being. I think we had it worse than a lot of other families...” she said softly, looking down. She never talked about her father. She resented him more and more as she aged.
“... What about Sasori’s clan?”
Temari was surprised. So she was wondering about that still...
“They are one of the head families of Sunagakure. Only the best is accepted.”
“... Even now?”
“Well... As you know, the head family isn’t... I mean, Lord Ebizō is the only one left. So, after he dies, the legacy will be gone.”
Temari had not dwelled on that fact before. It saddened her.
“A little bit of our culture will fade away after that...”
“...”
Sakura felt... resentment. She did not want to care about culture or legacy... Because of those demands, Sasori was...
“Kankurō wanted to be trained as a puppet master ever since I can remember... The Puppet Brigade is still running. Right now, he’s teaching several students. I think he enjoys it.”
“That’s nice...”
She forgot what she wanted to say next when their food came. She quickly dove in, and only remembered her next question after finishing what was in front of her.
“... Why did Kankurō take Sasori’s body? And his parents’...”
Temari swallowed a bite of her meal, and set down her chopsticks.
“After we buried Lady Chiyo, you were pretty upset. We could all tell. And you researched the family... Since you took such an interest, Kankurō eventually did as well. After you left, he talked to Lord Ebizō and learned about them. He was invested in making use of Sasori’s body, but... he was more focused on the other two. I think... he related to their situation.”
Sakura dwelled on this. Of course. Kankurō’s mother died in childbirth, and his father was heartless. Kankurō didn’t ever get to experience a parent’s love growing up. Not really.
“... I never thought of it from that angle,” she confessed. Temari smiled sadly.
“I don’t get his obsession with those puppets of his. Sometimes I worry he forgets they aren’t alive.”
“... Yeah, well after seeing how far Sasori took it, I can see your concern.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sasori... became what he did because he replaced people. He thought he only needed his puppets. That’s why he made himself one.”
Temari seemed taken aback by her explanation. It seemed so obvious now that it was said, but it had never occurred to her, or probably anyone else. Who spent time psychoanalyzing the enemy to that degree?
”Wow... Now that you say that, it fits...”
”But your brother has lots of people in his life! So I wouldn’t worry about it,” Sakura said, picking up on Temari’s sudden concern for him. “He’s really easy to talk to!”
“And he’s single,” Temari added, giving her a smirk. Sakura laughed.
“Are you trying to set us up right now?”
”What can I say? I’m desperate,” Temari sighed, chucking. Sakura continued to laugh.
”I’m flattered, but I don’t think he’s my type.”
“Yeah, I think so too...” Temari said partially to herself. “He needs someone from around here...”
”You are a good older sister,” Sakura commented. “Sometimes I wish I had a sibling.”
“Oh, you would just fight. Kankurō and I still butt heads sometimes. He can be a bit of a hot head, always doing before thinking...”
Temari shook her head.
“I get along wonderfully with Gaara, but we are making up for a lot of bad times...”
“... When did you first feel comfortable with him?” Sakura asked.
“... When he opened up to me. I knew he was different. And now look at him... I’m so proud of him.”
”Me too. He’s making a lot of good changes.”
”I couldn’t agree more,” Temari nodded. “This place needs a lot of updates.”
The two girls chuckled, and enjoyed the remainder of their dinner. And the entire time, Sakura’s anxiety dwindled. She still worried about Sasori, but she knew it would be ok between them at least. He still opened up to her. He acknowledged that she was safe. That was what mattered. They could get through this, as long as they relied on each other.