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English
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Published:
2019-08-03
Updated:
2020-05-09
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169,134
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183/?
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Eleven Heartbeats

Chapter 102

Summary:

Nightmares and more...

Chapter Text

Another nightmare and it’s bad this time. Really bad. A small part of his mind is aware of it, but it’s sorta looking through a glass on the spectacle. The rest of him is terribly alert in the dream and the line of faces in fron of him staring with empty eyes is new.

Miles, Darvany, even Roosevelt. And then he sees the rest. Clay, Gemma, Tara… Jax. Juice tries to catch their gazes, but the eyes are all white, no pupils, no irises, nothing. In another line, he can spot Chibs and he’s looking back at Juice with the same despise and heartbreak as at the diner, only with normal eyes.

Ye coward! Ye’re just a traitor, a fucking rat… No one’ll say yer name again, rat. Ye’re dead to me, dead to all o’ us ‘cause ye pissed on yer patch, on our patch… So why don’ ye jus’ do wha’ ye should’ve done in tha’ diner, an’ put an end to yer pathetic existence…?

No one loves him and that's how it always will be. And Tully is nowhere to be seen...

A sharp sting clears the mist and in Chibs’ place he can spot two very different eyes, not pepper dark and cold from disappointment, but a warm worry in hazel.

“Juice! Juicy, you’re dreaming!”

He knows these eyes, this voice too. Calm, a little raspy, softer in the darkness.

“Papi?”
“Yes, it’s me, my lo… boy. Papi’s here, baby…”

Juice’s left cheek hurts but he’s awake now, finally, and when the faces disappear one remains. He doesn’t think, just throws himself at it, burying himself in the crook of the neck, panting and whimpering.

“D-don’t leave me, papi… Please, don’t…”
“I’m right here, Juice.”
“You can’t l-leave like that…”
“Baby, I’m literally locked up with you in this fancy suite. Where would I go?”
“But you left me…”

It’s still hard to separate dream from wake and he’s crying now, tears wild and lost all over even if he’s still remembering where he is and manages to keep it quiet. He’s digging his fingers into Tully’s back, can’t help himself and the shot caller makes a little sound of discomfort.

“Better cut your nails some tomorrow, sweetheart.”
“You left me, papi…”
“Baby, it was just a dream. You want me to hold you some?”
“Yeah… I’m cold…”
“Alright then, let me just adjust us a little, okay?”
“Okay, papi. Don’t leave.”
“I’m not. Sorry for slapping you, baby. You wouldn’t wake up. C’mere, sit up for a moment. I’ll get you some water.”

Even the momentarily separation of a few seconds is difficult to manage right now and when Tully returns with the water, Juice just clings onto him with both hands and Tully has to bring the cup to his mouth.

“Careful, baby. Take it easy, breathe slowly through your nose, yeah? Small sip.”

The water tastes metallic, but it’s fresh and cold and then he feels a cool, wet towel onto his face. He’s still freezing, but his face is all sticky and this feels rather good. Tully wipes his cheeks and forehead carefully and then removes the cloth and empty cup.

“Better?”
“Y-yes…”

He still shivers though and his tanktop is sweaty. Tully takes it off.

“Lets get you into something dry.”
“I’m all drenched…”
“Yeah, pretty much. Don’t worry, we’ll fix it. Just keep quite, please.”

Juice stays still on the bunk, feeling helpless as a child, while Tully washes his upper body, then dries it thoroughly and helps him into a clean tanktop. He then gently moves him down to the floor and hands him the cloth and a pair of shorts.

“Wash some more if you need to and put these on while I change the sheets.”

Tully is as quiet as he’s effective while pulling the sheets from the usually unused top bunk and when Juice has managed to get changed, finally dry again, their narrow quarter is all set with dry sheets. He looks at the shot caller who seems very tired, bags under his eyes and body looking older and weary.

“Sorry for ruining your sleep, papi.”
“Don’t apologies for nightmares, baby. Aint your fault and I’ve had them too.”

A smile now, but it’s sad and Juice can’t help but reaching for the man’s hand.

“Y-you have a nightmare just w-wake me up, papi. I’ll hold you.”

Tully laughs. Or chuckles, quietly, but there’s a sudden brightness in his eyes, a warmth that Juice didn’t know he’s missed seeing for a few days and he can’t stop himself from pressing a little kiss on the man’s lips.

For the split of a second, the shot caller looks utterly lost and he lowers his eyes before pulling Juice back into his arms in their usual sleeping position. Juice can feel the warm mouth onto his neck, a soft nuzzle that feels like home by now and he entangles his fingers with Tully’s onto his chest, wriggling back a little to feel him all the way against his body.

“Can you sleep now, papi?”
“Sure I can, baby. It’s you I’m worried about.”

Juice snuggles into the hand with a smile.

“Don’t worry, papi. S’always better sleeping with you…”