Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Beat of His Heart.

He feels awkward being here.

When Steve suggested he attend today, it was Bucky’s first instinct to shy away and refuse. Hadn’t he caused enough pain for the family? What good could come out of him being there?

Then Sam reminded him that an important step for him to take on his continuing journey of recovery was to begin to forgive himself.

And that included being here today.

So here he is and nerves are making his stomach feel like a trampoline bed.

His eyes take in the people present; people who knew Tony Stark a hell of a lot more than he did. People who have shared their lives with him, have worked on missions and fought battles alongside him. People who love and respect him. What has he done? He took the lives of his parents which, when Tony discovered it, created a barrier between two friends that cracked apart and was almost rendered irreparable. He frowns against the twist of guilt he feels grip tightly in the pit of his stomach.

What the hell is he doing here?

He huffs out a sigh and begins to turn, intending to leave. He has no right to be here. He then feels a hand rest heavily on his shoulder, effectively stopping him from taking another step. He looks at Sam who is regarding him sombrely.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he enquires, his tone mild. Bucky just stares at him.

“Outta here. I shouldn’t even be here,” he murmurs. Sam’s grip tightens almost painfully on his shoulder.

“Yeah you do. C’mon.” He gently manoeuvres the soldier around so he’s facing the way he originally was. “You’ll be fine.”

Ahead of them is Pepper. She stands on the porch of the house she shared with her late husband for the past five years and beside her is their daughter, Morgan who is regarding the goings on with dark brown eyed solemnity. Bucky thinks she shouldn’t be going through all of this at her age. If it wasn’t for him, maybe she’d have a set of doting grandparents around to help her through her grief. If it wasn’t for him, a hell of a lot of other things would be going on here. Better things maybe.

“Stop it.” Sam’s voice again. He glances at him, “I can all but hear your thoughts screaming through your skull from here. Enough. You’re here to pay your respects, like everyone else here.”

“Doubt anyone else here has done what I have,” Bucky mutters to him.

“How many of them were tortured and brainwashed by Hydra first though, huh?” Sam reminds him as they slowly move towards the porch. Bucky huffs out a sigh and tries to distract himself from what’s going on right now and his eyes scan the crowds of people present. There are so many of them here.

“Where’s Steve?” he asks. He travelled in with Sam, Steve promising to meet them both here.

“He’s around,” Sam answers calmly.

Now they’re here. Pepper stands in front of them, clad in widow’s weeds, with Happy Hogan, Tony’s right hand man, on her left-hand side. Bucky watches him as Sam steps forward, offering his condolences to her. Happy regards Bucky somewhat steadily and it’s in that moment he realises that Happy knows who he is and more importantly, his role in the Stark family history. There’s no outward expression on his face but Bucky swallows slowly against a dry throat and once more wishes that he was anywhere but here. He feels a hand on his upper arm and his head turns a little and he’s looking into Pepper’s blue eyes. Anything he wanted to say to her vaporises in his mind and for a second or two he just stares helplessly at her.

“I’m…” He doesn’t know what to say to her. He’s sure she knows exactly who he is.

He glances again at the little girl who stands beside her mother. She’s staring up at him and he wonders whether she knows too.  He then looks back at Pepper and sees her gentle, almost tired smile. Of all the possible reactions he expected from Tony Stark’s widow, a smile wasn’t one of them. She has to know what he’s done.

“Sergeant Barnes, thank you so much for coming today. I know it mustn’t have been easy.” Her voice is low, welcoming and it stuns him deeper into silence. Mustn’t have been easy? How does he respond to that? She’s lost the love of her life; the father of her child and she’s thinking about how his being here is easy or not. He feels the strength of her grace like a punch in the chest.

She then takes his right hand and gently squeezes it and he feels a lump form in his throat.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” he whispers back through mostly uncooperative lips. His brain still isn’t really focusing on Pepper’s response to his being here.

“Thank you,” she replies. She lets go of his hand and Sam is guiding him away and he lets him. Once more he looks at the quiet little girl by her mother’s side and she just stares back at him.

Does she know what he’s done?

He stands at the back of the crowd and listens to the memorial service with half an ear. At the forefront of his mind is the fight at the Siberian Hydra HQ, where he’d been kept as the Asset, how between the three of them, they’d torn that godforsaken place apart with feelings of heartbreak, betrayal and rage. He should’ve let Tony kill him. He shouldn’t have fought back the way he did. He shouldn’t have let Steve sacrifice friendship, camaraderie, the Avengers,for him. And for what? He told him then that he didn’t think he was worth the trouble. He hasn’t changed his mind about that one.

Steve stands a few metres away, spine straight and shoulders back. He’s clad in a black suit, white shirt, black tie. Always upright and correct. He’s been quiet since that final battle, almost permanently lost in thought. It reminds Bucky of the times when he was sick, before the super serum, before all of this. When he was a frail skinny kid that a good gust of wind could blow over. He’d have the same frown on his face sometimes and Bucky always knew it was because he hated being sick, being that helpless kid held back from leading a normal life. He hated being a burden to him or to anyone else and no matter what he’d say to reassure him, he always felt the same. Even now, in full rude health, he didn’t like being beholden to anyone. He was Captain America, a symbol of strength, loyalty. A star-spangled hero.

They’d stood in the centre of the battle field. Once upon a time it had been Avengers HQ. There’s nothing left there apart from rubble and hollowed out craters. Some are filled with water from the nearby lake. It went from all-out war, fighting for survival, the ground and the sky black with fear and desperation and then it all went strangely silent. Bucky had seen Thanos standing in the midst of all of the chaos, the gauntlet back on his hand, how he raised that hand and he could sense the triumph but nothing happened. They’d all braced themselves for a repeat of the first time back in Wakanda, but it hadn’t happened. It puzzled Bucky for a moment until all around him, Thanos’s troops began to disintegrate. Their ashes drifting off into the ether. The relief was short lived though, because as with many major victories, a price is always paid somewhere. Seeing Tony Stark’s lifeless body haunts him. Hearing the kid’s pleas still gives him sleepless nights. They’d won but they’d still lost.

Steve has lost a friend. Everyone present has lost a friend, an ally, a loved one but Steve especially. In the aftermath, in numb shock, he told him that they’d begun to build bridges again, they’d talked on the phone once in a while, visited even less. A shaky truce had been forged from the ruins but they weren’t the friends that they’d once been. He even confessed to Bucky once that he wasn’t even sure they’d ever had been, not when their core beliefs caused them to butt heads on occasion, the last time to their detriment and two years of estrangement.

And here he is, back to the subject of Tony’s parents again. And what he’d done.

And that he’d never be given the opportunity to make amends to Tony. He doesn’t even know whether he would’ve been willing to listen to him. He wouldn’t blame him at all if he hadn’t been. If the tables were turned, would he?

Once again, he feels a hand on his shoulder. He glances at Sam and sees the look of sympathy on his face. Tries to offer a reassuring smile in return but fails miserably. Feels his grip tighten slightly for a moment before he drops his hand.

Bucky takes a slow deep breath, his hands in the pockets of the black bomber jacket that he wears. He tightens both fists as he slowly exhales. His mind wanders. What is he going to do now? If he can’t make amends to Tony personally, perhaps helping those who need it could be the way to go. He’s done with fighting. He’s done with war. He’s tired. In an ideal world he’d be returning from fighting for his country and into the arms of a warm willing girl. That war ended close to eight decades ago. There’s no warm willing girl waiting for him. His eyes scan the people present. No Natasha either. Steve told him what happened to her and there’s a faintly hollow feeling in his chest at the thought of her lying at the bottom of a cliff on another far away planet. Back in Berlin, he faintly remembers her saying that the least he could do was recognise her and since that day those words have come back to him again and again and there is something there at the very fringes of his memory but he’s a little afraid to tug at that thread. He’s not sure he wants to remember but there’s definitely something there, he thinks.

The memorial is over and people are beginning to dissipate, to form their own groups and talk and remember. For a moment Bucky just stands there, feeling the disconnection especially. Apart from Steve and Sam, who does he know specifically? It’s not as though he can share memories with any of them, it’s not like he can say ‘oh, I murdered Tony’s parents back in the early nineties’ What would people say in response to that, he wonders. He can see the kid, the Spider Kid, sitting on the porch and with him is Hogan. The kid is pale and distraught looking and Bucky feels for him. He sees Steve approach him, crouch down in front of him and he speaks to him. He can’t hear what it is he’s saying but the boy looks at him and gives him a teary half smile and nod. Steve reaches across and pats his shoulder before straightening up. He turns his head and makes eye contact with Bucky for what feels like the first time since he got here. He stays still as his childhood best friend approaches him, his footsteps slow and measured, hands pushed into trouser pockets. That frown is back.

He offers the faintest of smiles as he stops beside him just for a moment.

"Hey Buck. Wanna take a walk with me?” he asks. For a second Bucky regards him and he realises that Steve has something on his mind that he’s ready to get off his chest.

And he might not like what it is he needs to talk about.

“Sure, Steve,” he replies and falls into step with him as he turns and begins to head to the lakeshore.

For a few minutes, neither of them say a word but Bucky watches him, sees how he chews his bottom lip, his eyes on the ground. Eventually they pause by the lakeshore and he realises that while they’re still within sight of the Stark home, they’re far enough away to have a conversation and not have it overheard by anyone else. Bucky turns to the water. He can see the wreath of flowers floating in the distance, bobbing and dipping over the ripples and waves. He squints a little against the sunshine reflecting off the surface, dappling and sparkling with the faint breeze that blows.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s on your mind, Steve?” he eventually asks and as he does, he turns and sees Steve’s brief look of surprise. “What? You think because we’ve been apart for so long that I can’t read you anymore? Newsflash pal, I always have done.”

Steve’s smile is faint.

“I forgot you could do that,” he murmurs.

Bucky waits for him to elaborate. “Well?” he prompts.

Steve looks at him. He scans his face and Bucky gets the distinct impression that he’s trying to commit him to memory and that makes him feel faintly uneasy. They’ve known each other over a century now, give or take. They know each other as well as they know themselves. Best friends and all of that. He doesn’t think that part’s changed, even if they’ve been apart for most of the past eighty years. A connection is a connection.

“You’re okay now, aren’t you, Buck?” he eventually asks and Bucky frowns. How is he supposed to answer that?

“Why are you asking?” he asks instead.

“Everything that we’ve been through. Best friends, the war, Hydra, you, me….” His voice fades away. “Have you thought about what you want to do now the fight is finished?”

“The fight isn’t finished Steve. It never is. Something always happens. You’re the Avengers…”

“The Avengers were always Tony’s. They were never mine, never belonged to me. I was just part of the team.”

“Yeah, the heart of it. Tony might have been the brains but you were always the heart of it, the soul.” The conscience.

“You really think so?”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, punk.”

Another smile, just for a minute before it dissipates.

“Yeah, that’s true but it has to end one day and now Thanos has been defeated. I’ve been watching the other guys; Carole Danvers, Thor, the Guardians…I’m not really needed anymore.”

Bucky widens his eyes. “That’s not true.”

Steve’s expression is sad as he slowly shakes his head. “Yeah it is. Tony’s gone, Natasha too. Thor wants to live a semblance of a life and I don’t think he’s too interested in the Avengers anymore. They’re ready for a new age, new guys. New blood. They may need a Cap one day Buck, it just doesn’t have to be me.”

“What are you gonna do Steve, retire?” Bucky scorns, he knows for a fact that his friend doesn’t know the meaning of the word. He waits for him to chuckle and shake his head, to be reminded again that he knows him too well.

But he doesn’t.

“That’s exactly what I’m gonna do,” he confirms and Bucky’s eyes go wide with surprise.

“Why?” he asks in astonishment.

“Because I think it’s time and I want to talk to you about what’s gonna happen next.”

Not if but when.

Bucky exhales shakily.

“You’re Captain America. That shield is yours.”

“It could be yours, if you’re interested?”

For a moment Bucky stares at him, dumbfounded by his offer.

“You can’t be serious,” he breathes. Steve regards him steadily.

“I’m deadly serious. You want the shield, it’s yours. I could talk to Fury, he’d approve you, I know he would once I’ve told him all about you…” His words stutter to a halt as Bucky begins to shake his head.

“No. Don’t do that. That’s not a good idea…at all!”

“Why not?”

Bucky just blinks at him. “Look at you…man, you’re the epitome of the shield. You’re a good honest man who always believes in what’s right. You fight for it with everything that you have for the good of humanity. People look up to you. You’re strong, fair…a truly good person. Me? I’m the absolute opposite.” He pauses and takes a slow deep breath. Confusion and fear whirl together inside of his brain in a madcap kind of a dance.

“Trust me, I’m not the man for the job and I’m done fighting. If you’re looking for someone who will do the job right, well he’s standing over there.” With a thumb, he indicates over to the Stark house and watches as Steve turns his head and looks at the people dotted around.

“Sam. He’s the guy, he’s the only guy,” Bucky fills in, just in case.

“You think so?”

“You don’t? Look at him Steve. He’s your first choice, your only choice. He’s just like you just with added sass.” He smiles as his friend does, the first one he’s seen all day.

“Loyalty, a good heart. Strength. Kindness. A soldier. He’s the one, man. Think about it, you know I’m right.”

Steve regards him, the smile fading, “So are you, you’re all of that too,” he reminds him quietly and Bucky slowly shakes his head.

“No, not really.”

“You always had my back Buck, as a kid, growing up…”

“Someone had to but you know I’m not the right fit for what you’re offering, Steve. Deep down you know I’m not. Yeah, I’m a soldier, I have strength and I’m loyal to you. The rest of it…you know what I’ve done. I can’t carry the shield and keep doing what you’ve been doing. You already know who it should be and it ain’t gonna be me.”

“Not ever?”

Bucky shrugs, “Just not right now,” he admits in a soft voice. “So, you’re thinking of retiring and going where, doing what exactly?”

Steve regards his friend. “Exactly? I’m going home, I’m gonna go back to Peggy.”

Bucky stares blankly at him for a moment.

“Back to- Wait a minute I thought she…” He gives his head a little shake and wonders if he’s missed something important.

“Right here and right now she is. She’s gone. Right before I found you again in Bucharest. No, that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“I’m confused.”

“You know that I’m returning all of the Infinity Stones back to their rightful places in the timeline, right?” Bucky just nods. He’s also returning Thor’s hammer. He watches as Steve takes a deep breath. “I’m going back to the beginning Buck, and I’m not planning on coming back.”

For a moment there’s silence. Apart from the sound of the water rushing to the shore, the squall of birds in the air. All Bucky is aware of is the loud thud of his heartbeat in his ears as he absorbs what Steve has told him.

“Back - back to the War?” he clarifies and sees him nod.

“Tony always said I should get a life of my own, that I was so busy saving everyone else’s that maybe one day I should actually get one and now that Thanos is gone, that the threat is over…maybe now is the time.”

Bucky exhales, feeling his knees wobble a little at the revelation.

“When Tony and I time jumped to the seventies, we were at Camp Lehigh. I saw Peggy; she was working there and seeing her again was like a punch to the gut.”

“For Peggy? You want to go back to nineteen forty whatever for a girl?” he exclaims and immediately bites his lip, gives his head a shake and he turns away, looking back at the house and he waits for the indignation to die down.

“Forty-Six. You think that I shouldn’t?” Steve’s voice is hesitant. Bucky looks back at him.

“Does it matter what I think? You’ve always been in love with that gal, Steve. Five minutes ago, eighty years ago, what’s the difference?” His accompanying smile is fleeting.

“And I’m still an asshole. Ignore me. What’s important here is what you want to do and if it means going back in time then do it. Go for it.”

Steve just stares at him and Bucky can see that he’s battling with his choice. He then shakes his head.

“No…I can stay. Now that I think about it, it’s a dumb idea. She might not even want me, if she ever did.”

“Oh she wanted you, back then. Remember that night in that bar, when she showed up in that knockout red dress?  No one else existed in there for her but you. That wasn’t a figment of anyone’s imagination, trust me.” Bucky regards him. “You should go.”

“You could come with me. Help me to return the stones. We’d work together like old times and once that’s done you could head back with me, you never know, you might find someone special and settle down too.”

For a single moment, Bucky contemplates the idea. An adventure with his best friend. Heading back to nineteen forties Brooklyn. Meeting someone, settling down, having that elusive life, living the dream. It’s tempting. He then sighs, shakes his head.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because of what’s going on inside of here.” He taps the side of his head. “You always felt out of place in the here and now. The newspaper articles used to call you the Man Out of Time. You were always looking for something but I don’t think you ever found it. Not in this century anyway.” Another faint smile. “And I have to admit, it’s taken some getting used to, but I kinda like living in the twenty first century.” He turns again to look at that group of people gathered around the front of the house.

“I don’t like the thought of leaving you here by yourself Buck, not after everything that’s happened. Everything we’ve been through together.”

Bucky looks back at him. Makes himself smile.

“You know I’ll be okay. I have Sam. He’ll drive me crazy, keep me on my toes but I won’t be completely alone. You want to go be with Peggy, go be with her. If the roles were reversed and it was me telling you all of this, you’d be telling me to go, to live my life, live my dream, wouldn’t you?”

He sees the doubt cloud his friend’s eyes.

“Well yeah, but…”

“Then go and live yours Steve. Go. You have my blessing.”

Steve huffs out a sigh and Bucky can see that he’s still torn. He takes a step closer to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Waits for him to make eye contact.

“You once told me that you’d be with me til the end of the line. Maybe this is it, the end of this line. For now. I don’t want you to stay here with me out of a sense of…duty or something. You will only regret it and I’m no fucking friend to you clinging on to you for my own selfish reasons. Go. Be happy.” He softens his voice and makes himself smile at the look of doubt that’s still lingers on Steve’s face. He then pulls him into his arms and hugs him, closing his eyes and ignoring the fierce ache that’s taken root in his chest. He wants to cling onto him, cling on like a limpet. All these years and they’ve barely spent any real time together. Trips to Wakanda during his rehabilitation were fleeting, interrupted by duty and his need to be elsewhere, saving humanity. Bucky learned to accept that it was who he was. He helped people. Now it’s his turn. He has to make him see that it’s okay to leave him, that he’ll get by without him. He draws back and looks into Steve’s eyes.

“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself and like I said, I’ll have Sam.”

“Really?” He hears the scepticism in his voice and once more he makes himself smile.

“Yeah. I mean really, what could possibly go wrong?”

Another chuckle that gladdens Bucky’s heart. “You sure you want the answer to that one?” Steve quips.

“Maybe not but I’ll be fine. You know I will be. Go and be with Peggy and have that life you’ve been dreaming about.”

“You’re sure you won’t come with me?”

“I’m sure. There’s stuff I’ve got to do here.”

“Oh yeah, like what?”

Bucky just shrugs. “I haven’t quite figured it out just yet. I have a need to make things right in the world, make amends. No matter what you might think, that what I did as the Soldier wasn’t my fault, it doesn’t sit right with me. Maybe I can talk to some people here, figure it out somehow. I don’t know.”

“You’re sure you don’t want the shield?”

“Oh I’m sure.”

“Well in that case, talk to Sharon or Maria Hill. I’m sure they’ll have some ideas if that’s the road you want to go down.”

“It’s a thought.”

And a really good idea.

They walk slowly back up towards the house, Steve’s arm comfortably across Bucky’s shoulders.

“So, when are you gonna do this thing?” Bucky asks, still keeping his voice low.

“Later today, once the guests have left. Banner’s going to set up the portal. Everything I need to take with me is here.”

Bucky swallows against the ice-cold shock that douses him. So soon? He thought he’d maybe have a day or two more with him at least.

“Will you stick around?” he asks and Bucky glances at him.

“Try and keep me away,” he replies and sees his friend smile.

They say their farewells and Bucky makes himself smile even though he knows he’s going to miss him. He even tells him that he will but Steve reassures him that he’ll be okay and he will be. In time. Right now he hurts but he can’t and won’t let Steve see that. He won’t be the reason why he changes his mind again. Steve is right, the world may always need Captain America, it just doesn’t have to be him. Not anymore. He stands in the portal, facing them both clad in a white Quantum Realm suit. In one hand he holds a silver metal briefcase which contains the Infinity Stones and in the other, Thor’s hammer. They make eye contact and Bucky sees the faintest of smiles cross his best friend’s face as well as the slightest of nods. No one else knows what he’s planning to do. He made Bucky promise to keep his secret. As far as everyone is concerned, he’ll be back in about five seconds according to Banner, but he knows otherwise.

All the same his heart bumps extra hard in his chest as his friend vanishes from view. He feels the panic from Sam and Banner when Steve doesn’t return as promised within the time frame. Doesn’t tell Banner that he’s made a miscalculation or anything like that. Waits for the penny to drop.

And then it does.

He sees him sitting on a wooden bench maybe fifty metres away from them. He’d recognise him anywhere and he tells Sam to go over, which he does. He doesn’t have to be within hearing distance to know what they’re talking about and when Steve hands the shield over to him, he sees how Sam looks back at him, surprise evident on his face. Bucky offers a smile and a nod and watches him slide the shield on.

He was right. Sam is the right choice and that shield looks damn good on him. He feels the relief flow through him. Everything’s going to be just fine.

Sam walks away, still carrying the shield. Bucky watches him go back to the house before he slowly approaches the park bench. His hands are pushed into his jacket pockets once more. He stands beside him and waits. Steve's still tall, broad shouldered but age has shrunk him inwards a little. Deep lines score his skin and his hair is silver white instead of blond now but when he lifts his head to look up at him, Bucky sees that familiar twinkle in those slightly faded blue eyes. For a moment the two of them just look at each other. Bucky doesn’t even want to know how he got back here. Then he smiles. Bucky catches sight of the wedding band that he wears and it’s his turn to grin.

“So, she gave you a shot, huh?”

He sees how he looks down at the wedding ring and smiles once again.

“Yeah. I guess she did, Buck.”

Chapter Text

There are only a few mourners left.

Bucky walks slowly towards the house, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. His eyes bounce over a few of them, being careful not to hold eye contact for too long. If he does, he feels the connection, however briefly and it makes him want to withdraw deeper into himself. Old habits die hard. While on the run, he made it his mission to remain as detached and forgettable as possible. A baseball cap, the bill pulled down low usually did the trick but avoiding any and all eye contact was the best method. After a time it became second nature to him. Until Vienna, Bucharest and Berlin blew it all to hell.

He sees Thaddeus Ross standing by the porch and he pauses, every muscle freezing as the two men stare at each other. He feels his heart rate pick up as the grey haired man seems to straighten up and slowly strolls towards him. His demeanour gives the impression that he has all the time in the world but Steve has told him all about this guy. This guy was a proponent of the now in disarray Sokovia Accords, a man who’d had a warrant out for his arrest as well as for Steve, Sam and all of the others who didn’t sign that document as well as for the ones who did sign and then broke their promises.

Bucky’s signature wasn’t required though. No, he wanted him for a whole different reason. Dead or alive. Preferably dead.

 He holds firm as the man finally gets within touching distance and he resists the urge to look around and run. His heart is still beating a crazy tattoo inside of his chest but he stays absolutely still but every sense is on alert and he will run if he has to.

“Sergeant Barnes,” he greets, his voice low, somewhat worn and gravelled with age. Bucky nods just the once and thinks, at least he’s greeting him by rank. He takes him in, sombre in his suit but his eyes don’t miss a trick.

“Ross,” he murmurs back.

“Of all the places I thought I’d expect to see you, Tony Stark’s funeral wasn’t one of them.”

“I came to pay my respects like everyone else,” Bucky answers.

“You’ve been a difficult man to locate, the past five years aside of course.”

“Of course.” Bucky waits.

“Well I’d ask if you’re willing to come quietly…”

“Really, Thaddeus?” another voice interrupts, the tone arch and disbelieving and from the vicinity of Bucky’s left shoulder. Bucky turns his head, he’s certain that he recognises the voice but he isn’t sure where from. He sees Nick Fury standing by him and he’s regarding Ross, a somewhat bemused expression on his face.

“Director Fury,” Thaddeus answers neutrally.

“Well, you know it was ex-Director for a while but circumstances being what they are, it’s getting harder to stay out of things. I would like to know why you were trying to arrest Sergeant Barnes today of all days?” Fury demands to know. “You know there is no warrant for this man. Not anymore.”

“He was an agent of Hydra, in case that had escaped your attention,” Ross answers, still keeping his tone mild, even jovial.

“Was, Thaddeus. The term is, was. And in case it’s escaped your attention, Sergeant Barnes was a victim of decades of brainwashing and torture. I may even go as far as to suggest he was this country’s longest held prisoner of war. You could arrest him, charge him but I guarantee you, no court in this country would take him to trial and hope for a conviction. Not a single one.”

“Can we trust him, really?” Thaddeus retorts.

“Well considering you wanted Captain America himself arrested for not following your orders, I’d ask you the same question. Cap vouches for him.”

“With all due respect…”

“With all due respect Senator Ross, Captain Steve Rogers has served his country as well as the world with honour and integrity, time and time again. I trust his opinion. I trust him a damn sight more than I trust you.” He watches how the other man’s eyes narrow.

“Now is neither the time nor the place to discuss this. We’re here to pay our respects to Tony Stark, that’s all. If you plan on coming for Sergeant Barnes, you’re going to have to go through me first and we both know these days you hold none of the power.”

Thaddeus Ross straightens up. His gaze slides between the two men facing him before he turns and walks away. Only then does Bucky allow himself to relax, albeit marginally. He turns to look more fully at Fury.

“Thank you,” he all but whispers.

“No problem. You got a minute, Barnes?” he enquires.

Bucky nods. For this man who’s just saved his bacon, he has all the time in the world.

“This way,” Fury tells him and turns and heads towards the porch. Once they get to the steps, Bucky hesitates. Fury pauses and looks over his shoulder at him.

“You coming?” he enquires.

Bucky looks up at the house, at the porch that wraps itself three quarters around the house and he shakes his head. Fury gives a sigh and turns, lowers himself down onto the steps and Bucky follows suit.

“I was talking to Cap, earlier,” he begins. Bucky turns his head and he looks at him.

“Oh yeah? About what?”

“You mostly. He thought we should talk, become better acquainted.” His one good eye scrutinises the former soldier.

Bucky sighs and slowly shakes his head. “Damn it. He told you.”

“That you want to begin to make amends? Sure he did. He also was worried that you wouldn’t carry through your promise to talk to Maria or Sharon about how to go about it all so I thought I’d take the first step and at least introduce myself to you formally and properly.” Another assessing look. “Cap says you’re a good man who got one hell of a raw deal. He trusts you with his life, despite your past.”

“I had no control over that. Or over what happened in Washington,” he answers, vaguely remembering pursuing the man seated beside him, of putting two bullets inside of him. The world thought that Fury was dead and for a while he let them believe it.

“I know and I don’t hold you responsible. I never did.”

Bucky looks away, stares at his hands, the dark vibranium of his left.

“That’s more than I deserve. Thank you.” His voice turns husky.

“Once Cap knew you were alive, once you got away from Hydra, he did everything he could to find you. He read every single piece of information that he could find about your time with them, what they did to you, how they controlled you. We didn’t know that they’d taken you, if we had…”

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything. The point is that I got away from them and I stayed away.” He looks back at him again. “I never went back. I never will.”

“I believe you.”

“Ross doesn’t.”

“Ross’s opinions mean nothing. The government fired his ass after the events in Wakanda. Apparently his ass wasn’t turned to dust. He was pushing his luck even trying to arrest you before, probably hoping it would get him his job back.”

Bucky blinks in surprise, absorbs the slice of information. “Maybe I should’ve let him.”

“And what would that have achieved? I wasn’t lying earlier. No court in this country would convict you for what happened. Your files were uploaded along with other encrypted Hydra files Natasha uploaded to the internet after Project Insight failed so spectacularly. It made for tough reading, so I’m telling you now, at ease, no one’s looking to arrest you, soldier.”

“I wondered. Steve said I was safe but y’know…took me til now to believe it.”

“Believe it, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Bucky.” He pauses, swallows against a dry throat, “Call me Bucky.”

“If you’re serious about wanting to make amends, come and see me, talk to me and we’ll see what we can do to help. You got a phone?”

Bucky just nods.

“Good. Keep it switched on and with you, I’ll find you.”

He doesn’t know where Steve is. Preparing for his mission no doubt. Banner is already setting up the portal in the back yard. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to be within a mile of it but Steve is pretty set in what he wants to do and he doesn’t need him to spoil his excitement. He looks back to the house and huffs out a quiet sigh. He then turns and slowly almost reluctantly he climbs the stairs onto the porch. The front door is still open and a few people are still here, milling in and out. He saw the Spider Kid earlier. He’s Spiderman in actuality but really he’s just a kid, not even eighteen years old if his guess is correct; skinny, usually vivacious and curious and wicked strong. He saw the sadness behind his eyes and wanted to say something to him but he’s never good in situations like that anymore. He used to be. Then all hell broke loose. So he keeps his distance. He skirts around the doorway, peeks in. There are one or two people in there, people he doesn’t know so he dips out again and heads out along the porch with only his thoughts as company.

“Sergeant Barnes!”

Once again he freezes at the sound of his name. He looks over his shoulder and sees Pepper standing just outside of the doorway. She’s pale, the black dress a bold splash against the pallor. He turns more fully around to face her.

“Want to come in for a minute?” She indicates the room she’s just emerged from with a twitch of her head. Bucky regards her. Then shakes his head.

“Why not?”

He takes a deep breath, wondering how he could answer her question. Decides that he can’t and so he shrugs.

“Because this is Tony’s house? Well it’s mine too and I’m inviting you in. Please. Come inside.”

“Oh…”

“Or we could talk out here but there’s coffee, really good coffee in the kitchen. People keep making me coffee or tea and I can’t drink any more of it, not today so please, if I have to drink anymore, drink some coffee with me? We don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to.” She waits. He stares at her for a long, long moment before his shoulders slump a little.

“Okay.”

He follows her inside. His eyes take in his surroundings; the simple furnishings which to him sits at odds with an obviously very wealthy man. It’s not a show place either. Then it strikes him. It’s a family home, lived in and loved in. There’s no standing on ceremony here. They head towards a large kitchen, top of the range furnishings. Every surface is covered with dishes displaying all sorts of finger food. His eyes take them in and he’s reminded that he hasn’t eaten anything since late the previous night. His stomach was swarming with nerves when he climbed out of bed after a virtually sleepless night and breakfast was the last thing on his mind. He pauses by the central unit and watches Pepper head to a full coffee pot and pick it up. She extracts a couple of plain coloured mugs from an overhead cupboard and pours coffee into both. She then looks at him as she replaces the coffee pot.

“Sugar? Cream?” she enquires and he just shakes his head. She picks the cups up and hands one to him and he holds it between both hands. Silence falls between them, thick and somewhat awkward. His condolences earlier was the first time he’d spoken to Tony Stark’s widow, the first time he’d met her and he still doesn’t know what to say to her.

Pepper regards him for a moment as she takes a sip of her coffee.

“How are you doing?” she asks.

He looks down into his cup for a moment before he looks back at her.

“I should be asking you that question,” he replies and then takes a sip of his coffee.

“Everyone’s been asking me that question. I want to know how you are.”

“Why?”  He’d genuinely like to know why.

“Because I asked? And I’d like to know.”

For a moment Bucky can’t think, can’t even begin to process any kind of an answer.

“Been better,” he then confesses and looks down at his mug again. He then lets out a sigh, turns and puts the mug down on the island behind him. “Y’know, I think I’d better go. My being here wasn’t the best idea I think…”

“For who? Me?” she retorts somewhat sharply and he pauses, looks at her.

“Well, yeah. You know who I am, what I’ve done.”

“I do. I also don’t hold you responsible for that.” Another silence drops between them.

“I guess you read my file too, huh?” His tone darkens.

“Would you rather I lie and say no? I won’t. I did read it. We all did. We made it our mission to be informed, to try and understand and maybe eventually forgive.”

“We?”

“Tony and me. He read your file too. After he got back from Siberia, he was so angry. He was bruised, battered and betrayed. He didn’t know how to process it, who to talk to. It’s how he got back in touch with me because we’d broken up for a little while. He knew that I would listen to him as I always did. And I did.”

“I broke the Avengers up. That was on me, because Steve made the choice to save me.”

“A decision you didn’t agree with.”

Bucky just shakes his head. “No I didn’t. Once I got out of cryo in Wakanda, once Shuri…healed…me. I wanted him to go and find him, talk things out again but he wouldn’t. Said he wasn’t ready to and he didn’t think Tony was either. Then Thanos happened.”

“Well they finally did get to talk, before you all came back. They did. I don’t know whether they talked about you specifically but they talked. Tony was happier after that.”

“I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to him myself one day, if he’d been willing to listen. I was prepared to take the chance. Once it was all done, once we’d won.” He looks down at his feet.

“He would’ve listened.”

Bucky stares at her in surprise. “Really?”

“Absolutely. After Morgan was born, he looked at her and he told me that he was done being angry with you. Well, angry was an understatement, he was furious. He was done letting it consume him and he wanted to let it go, concentrate on us, be a dad, a husband. Let all of that go and just be. He got to a point in his life that if you’d shown up on his doorstep, he might have a shotgun pointed at your chest but he would’ve been prepared to listen.”

Bucky’s head drops again, stares at his hands. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“What for?”

He lifts his head once more. “For what I did. Back then.”

Pepper’s expression briefly softens with sympathy.

“I know you are. But back then you weren’t responsible. I mean you…did it but you weren’t responsible. You were a weapon.”

Bucky frowns and gives a little shake of his head. “People keep saying that but I  still…I still did it.”

“Bucky…we saw tapes. The files Natasha uploaded? They recorded you…in that chair…we saw what Hydra did to you.” She takes a couple of steps towards him, looks into his eyes. “You were tortured, brainwashed. You were made into that thing that killed Tony’s parents and I can see that the guilt cripples you. I’d be more concerned if it didn’t.”

Bucky slowly shakes his head. “You should be hating me.”

“I don’t. I never did.”

Bucky feels a fierce ache begin to bloom in his chest, emotion threaten to clog his throat.

“Thank you,” he whispers, his voice thick. Pepper regards him, tears shimmering in her eyes now.

“Tony understood after he saw the videos and I think if he were still here, he would’ve forgiven you, eventually.”

Bucky’s eyes widen slightly. “I don’t deserve forgiveness. That’s not why I wanted to talk to him. I only wanted to say how sorry I was, that was all.”

“And if he wanted to forgive you then that was his prerogative. He’s not here to do that so on Morgan’s behalf, I’m going to.” Pepper reaches out a tentative hand, taking his right hand, wrapping her fingers around his.

Bucky just stares at her and he takes a slow deep breath, his vision blurring somewhat. He can’t speak. Pepper gives him a small somewhat sad smile before she squeezes his hand and let’s go.

“Do you know what you’re going to do next?” she enquires as she returns to where her coffee cup is.

Bucky takes a deep breath and surreptitiously wipes his eyes. “Umm…no…not really. I mean I have some…ideas.” He’s aware of how wobbly his voice sounds and he turns and retrieves his own mug, taking a mouthful, holding onto it. She looks at him as she copies him.

“Ideas are good and if I can help in any way, let me know.”

He stands beside the lake and just stares out across the water and he lets it calm him. The sun is warm on his skin and he feels a soft breeze feather across it. Since getting back from wherever he’d disappeared to, he’s taken a little time out of each day to just experience. To listen, feel, breathe in and appreciate. The peace and quiet here soothes him, even after today.

“Hey. It’s nearly time for Steve to do his thing.”

Bucky turns and looks at Sam and he just nods. Sam waits as Bucky comes over to him and together they head back to the front of the house where the portal is assembled. They can see Banner working with it, testing various bit of machinery by the looks of it.

“You look a lot better than earlier,” Sam comments and Bucky gives him a sidelong glance.

“I am.” They walk a few more steps before he speaks again “Thanks for making me stick around. It helped.”

They reach the portal area and Bucky stares at it, a faint frown on his face.

“Glad to hear it. And you know you can talk to me too, right?”

Another sidelong glance. “Are you sure that’s such a good idea? I mean, I remember when we first met. And the first time we were properly introduced…there were…sparks and I’m not talking about the happy kind.”

Sam grins at him. “You’re like mould, man. You grow on a brother.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and chuckles quietly, “Wow, thanks.”

He sits down on the bench beside Steve. Older Steve. The eyes are the same, so is the smile. He can see him in there and it’s weird, even to him. Underneath the markings of old age he can still recognise him and he also recognises the contentment he can see in those blue eyes. He realises with a jolt that it’s been a very long time since he saw that expression in his eyes, if he ever did.

“I’d ask how you’ve been but it’s literally just been two minutes since I last saw your face,” Bucky begins. Steve’s shoulders lift with a quiet chuckle.

“I’ve been okay Buck. Doesn’t feel like two minutes ago, believe me.” He looks back at him. For a moment they don’t speak and Bucky sees how his friend stares at him, weighing him up.

“C’mon, out with it, punk,” he murmurs, looking away and out across the lake.

“Goddammit. That part I keep forgetting. You can read me like a book. Always could…”

“Always will.” He looks back at Steve and softly smiles and then he shrugs.

“It’s a knack. You’re toying with what you want to tell me, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How about you tell me about your life instead and then you can decide what else you want to share with me. I mean it’s not like it can affect me directly, right? It’s a separate universe. I think that’s how Banner explained it.”

“Kinda like a pocket universe. The right now is the present timeline, where I went was kind of like a branching off. I called it a pocket universe.”

“A pocket universe where you were still Cap?”

“You saw me give Sam the shield, so yeah.”

Bucky looks back across the water. His heartbeat has picked up a little and his mouth feels a little dry. He wants to know but is too afraid to ask.

“You want to know about you? Whether there’s a version of you in that pocket universe?” Steve’s voice is quiet but Bucky can’t bring himself to look at him.

“Is there?” he asks eventually and he slowly sits up straighter on the bench as if bracing himself for bad news.

“Yeah, there is.”

Bucky’s head whips around and he looks at him, eyes wide with astonishment.

“Of course you’re there, Buck. And I got you out of that place. Forewarned is forearmed, right? You still fell off the train, Hydra still took you but I got in there, dismantled it, destroyed it. Got you out. You still lost that arm though but this time there’s a shield there instead of the star.”

Bucky smiles faintly to himself, relieved that pocket universe Bucky didn’t go through everything that he had.

“Is he…am I okay?”

“As you’ll ever be. If you’re asking whether you found a girl, settled down and all of that. I’ll say yeah and leave it at that. I’m not gonna say any more than that, so don’t try and make me.”

Bucky huffs out a laugh. “You know I could if I really wanted to, right?”

“I do. So don’t.”

Several Weeks Later:

Bucky stares down at the text message he received just now and he frowns at it.

“Unless that’s a warning that your phone is going to combust within the next fifteen seconds, do you want to tell me what it says?” Sam enquires.

Bucky glances at him from across the table in the small coffee shop that they both occupy and instead of answering, he turns the screen around and shows it to him.

“From Fury,” is all that he supplies by way of an explanation. Sam reads it, raises an eyebrow and reaches for his coffee.

“You gonna show up?” he asks before he takes a drink.

Bucky looks back at the screen and the frown briefly returns.

“I guess. It didn’t sound like a request.” It’s an address and a time for later that afternoon. No ‘hope you can make it’ tacked at the end of it. He huffs out a sigh, closes the app and pockets the phone. He reaches for his own coffee cup and his eyes scan the people present.

“Everything is okay man, you really need to stop with that shit,” Sam murmurs, replacing his cup on the table.

“Stop what?”

“Looking for the threat. You do it all the damned time, it’s unnerving.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I do not,” he mutters, sipping his coffee. No cream, no sugar. Hot. Bitter. Strong. “Not anymore.”

Sam gives a short bark of laughter which has Bucky frowning. Again.

“Bullshit. You scared that poor clerk half to death at the grocery store yesterday, she thought she’d offended you.”

“So I’m not the type to chat.”

“She only asked you how your day was going. It’s her job to get the customer to talk, even if it’s just a one word response from you in reply. You gave her a look and she all but peed her pants.”

Bucky fixes him with a look.

“See, you’re doing it again. Difference is, I’m used to you, I speak Winter Soldier. She didn’t.”

“You wish you spoke Winter Soldier and why are we having this conversation again?”

“Because you could learn to be more…friendly. Steve said you have a real nice smile when you try, so try harder. Not everyone is out to arrest you or kill you anymore, remember that.”

“Goddammit Sam, we’re not talking about this, not right now.” Another mouthful of coffee. He likes coffee, it’s evolved a lot from back in the day. His day to be exact. There are even different flavours now though he still prefers regular plain old black coffee flavour.

“Okay but at least try and think about it, huh? That would be something. Call it part of your recovery, your training.”

This time Bucky does glare at him.

“Fine. I’ll think about being nicer. Satisfied?”

“For now, yeah. So, you gonna go?”

“I don’t think I’ve got a choice.”

“Want some company? I’ve got nothing on for the rest of the day so I may as well.”

“You don’t have to babysit me Sam, I got enough of that from Steve in Wakanda.”

“We’re not in Wakanda anymore though and Steve isn’t around to haul your ass out of trouble either.”

“You do know I didn’t ask him to do any of that, right?”

“I do but he did it anyway because that was his thing. He did it for you and he did it for me. So, this afternoon? Want some company?”

Bucky sighs loudly. “If it will stop you nagging me to death then sure, why the hell not?”

Bucky looks up at the building in front of him. Set off the street, it’s several floors of glass and steel. Sleek, modern and Bucky is sure they’re at the wrong address. He looks down at the app open on his phone and realises, nope, he’s at the right place. Maybe they’re at an outreach branch of Shield here? He closes the app and takes a slow deep breath.

“This is the place?” Sam enquires from beside him. Bucky raises wary eyes to the building once more.

“Yep,” he confirms. He doesn’t move.

“Then what are we waiting for? A round of applause?” Sam retorts and Bucky shoots him an irritable look but doesn’t tell him that he’s trying to garner the courage to go inside.

It’s all very high tech and top of the range. And has a distinctive aura of Stark about it. Bucky feels nerves continue to squirm in the pit of his stomach. This seems to be a constant mood for him these days and he would love for it to stop but comfort isn’t an emotion to be felt during a recovery trip, according to Sam though for once Bucky would like the opportunity to be able to breathe without feeling like he wants to puke.

They both stand in a huge atrium that allows natural sunlight to flood through large windows. It’s broken up by plant life and flowers spilling out of a variety of colourful pots and Bucky wonders for a moment whether they’re real or fake. They’d gained almost instant access to the building. He gets the distinct impression that the people inside of it have been waiting for his arrival. Where ever they are. The place is too damned quiet.

“What is this place?” Sam speculates, taking in his surroundings just as he is doing.

“No idea but I’m getting major Stark influenced vibes,” Bucky replies.

“Glad I’m not the only one.”

Bucky continues to take in his surroundings. He also gets the distinct impression that he’s being observed, that they both are and it’s making his spine itch.

“Sergeant Barnes. Glad you could make it.”

Nick Fury’s voice echoes across the atrium and both men turn in its direction and see the man in question standing on a sweeping white staircase. “And you brought company.”

“Where I go, he goes,” Bucky replies. Not adding the ‘whether I want it or not’ part. He watches Fury’s gaze sweep over Sam and then he smiles.

“Good to hear. It saves me making another phone call. You want to walk with me?” He doesn’t wait for their response as he begins to turn as if to head back up the stairs. Sam and Bucky exchange a single look before they follow.

Space. There is acres and acres of space up here. All sectioned off into work areas and Bucky watches the people working diligently in each one. Everything is so clean, white and bright here. As he follows Fury along a wide corridor, he can hear the low hum of conversation, some laughter as well as music playing. There’s a serene atmosphere here, everyone is comfortable and calm. It’s new. It feels weird.

They reach the end of the corridor and enter a large open space cordoned off at one side. Bucky can see the other work stations through the glass wall of this section. He turns his head and sees the conference table edged with maybe a dozen chairs. At the end of the room is a more comfortable seating area and to the right of that is a smaller office containing a desk, a chair, a bookcase and computer screen. It’s currently empty. He turns his head and he looks at Fury.

“What the hell is going on here? What is this place? What am I doing here?” he demands all of a sudden sick and tired of the mystery. He’s discovered that he doesn’t much like mystery anymore.

“This is your new place of business,” Fury announces.

Bucky swears his brain grinds to a halt at his pronouncement.

“My what?” he finally asks, with a shake of his head.

“You said you wanted to begin to make things right, to begin to make amends for things you were forced to do in your old life. This is your opportunity.”

Once more Bucky looks around, struggling to comprehend it.

“This isn’t exactly what I meant.”

“I know but you have to admit, it’s all kind of…interesting, don’t you think?”

“A base of operations,” Sam supplies.

“Exactly! A base of operations. You have full access to everything that you see here. We have technicians, engineers and specialists who can help you. There’s an adjoining building which houses living quarters for you and Sam and also for someone else I want you to meet.”

Bucky watches as he taps something on his phone and a minute later, a door to his left opens and he watches as someone enters.

It’s a woman. She’s tall, slender with red curly hair and green eyes. Proper green eyes and not hazel or grey green. She comes to stand beside Fury and she eyes both men coolly.

“This is Corrie Harris. She’s your office manager. She’ll oversee the running of this place. She’ll be the voice in your ear, your conscience if you need one, the kick in your ass whether you do or not. She’s strong, capable and will absolutely not take any shit that either of you may feel like throwing her way. She’ll be the third occupant of your assigned living quarters.”

Bucky continues to gaze at the redhead. Sees how she subtly lifts her chin at his observation. She holds his gaze and doesn’t fidget at all. There’s something about her that tickles at his curiosity. He’s seen that look before. That she has something to hide, maybe. He’s recognises it because he sees it each time he looks into a mirror.

“Hold up a minute. All of this…you still haven’t told me…us…who and why…” He pulls his gaze away from Corrie to look back at Fury.

“I’m amazed you haven’t already guessed. All of this is thanks to…”

“Pepper,” Bucky guesses and he sees Fury nod.

“Damn it. When I said I wanted to begin to put things right, this wasn’t how I saw it.”

“How did you see it, exactly? Sitting in a tiny office in the seedy part of town waiting for a dame to come knocking on your door asking you to find out if her good for nothing husband’s cheating on her or not?” Fury’s tone is droll.

“I’m still figuring it out,” is all Bucky can mutter in response.

“Pepper wanted to help you. She’s set up funding for you to be able to do what you began to talk about at the memorial service: to begin to make those amends. She’s donated this building,  the work space, a laboratory and staff. For you. Maria Hill and Sharon Carter will be on standby if you need them.”

Bucky shakes his head.

“That’s not why I talked to her about it. She asked, I answered. I wasn’t asking for help. I never intended to ask for help. Why is she doing this?” he asks testily.

“Because she believes in second chances. So did Tony. She believes in you.”

“She doesn’t even know me.”

“She’s a very good judge of character. You won’t be able to change her mind on the matter. Everything is underway, we’re just waiting for your response.”

“We?”

“The team. Sam needs training up if he’s going to pick up the shield. A few missions with you will help ease off the training wheels. You work well together, seem to get along okay. So what do you say?”

Bucky stares at Fury, his mind still going in every single direction, “What if I said no?”

“Then you’re being an ass, Barnes. You said you needed to do this, to do something to make things right and this is it. The difference being, you won’t be alone while you’re making those amends. We’ll be along for the ride.”

END.