Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 It's not like he's that idle. But between hours non consensual studying and becoming employee of the month for the -nth time, one ought to have thrill! Excitement! Entertainment!

Who could blame him if his supreme entertainment comes from weirdoes on the dating app?

"Pfft! Haha! Look at this guy! That's definitely not a 20 years old's face!"

Even the ever kind Shijie cannot help but choke a little when he saw the self proclaimed '21 years old' profile picture on Wei WuXian's phone.

"Dude, that guy looks even older than Dad. Who the hell he thinks will believe that he's twenty?" Jiang Cheng squints while unloading a sack of garlic to the freezer.

The three of them currently stretching their limbs after another bout of hectic lunchtime rush. The Golden week has just started and Jiang family's restaurant, located Right beside a famous scenic area at Yunmeng was busier than ever. Despite his constant disapproval of how his oldest friend spend his precious breaktime Wei Wuxian cannot help but notice that Jiang Cheng somehow have a sense of obligation to comment on his every weird discovery. 

"Maybe he entered the wrong number?" Yanli, always so sympathetic, offers unsurely.

"Jie, pretty sure there's no keypad where 2 and 5 are next to each other. And seriously, you. Do not.."

Wei wuxian triumphantly exclaims "Swiped!"

"..swipe right. Whatever, don't blame me if someday you got locked up by one of your freaks." Jiang Cheng mumbles while briskly closing the refrigerator door.

Wei Wuxian just happily nudges at him to show another bizzare profile picture on the app.

.....

It begins several months ago after he was introduced to the App by one of his friend on campus. Somehow or other Wei Wuxian's primary interest shift from finding cute girls to finding either horribly edited, embarrassingly shot, undisguised attempt at catfishing and as many forms of social faux pas condensed in a single profile picture. Honestly though, between this and stilted flirtation that goes nowhere with random girls, this is supremely, definitely more fun way to spend his time.

"Ai, Why would so many people edit their face to resemble Dobby the house elf, sheshh." Wei WuXian snickers while absent mindedly swiping the floor of the dining hall to the choked laughter of the fellow employee wiping nearby table surface. His left hand flicking at the screen carelessly. Aside from the '21' old man and several people with questionable fashion choices, there's nothing extreme enough to sate his boredom today. 

"At least you didn't get the ones with 3 picture of 3 different people taken from top results on image search for 'hot guys'." A-Qing chimes from the kitchen.

"Who said I didn't?" Wei Wuxian replies with a huge grin. "I even got the guy who used MY photo on his profile, hahahaha. I'm so gonna put that in my biography!"

"Brother Wei. Did you really talk to your 'weirds'?" One of the part timers inquires innocently.

"Of course I am! Don't you think people with interesting life choice would have an interesting personality?" 

Another worker chimes in, "Isn't that creepy? I mean, some of them are guys and they got matched with you.." 

"Huh. I don't know? I just think it's funny, and not all of them are bad people! So it's fine!" Wei Wuxian didn't really pay attention to the question as he double checks the stocks for cleaning supplies. 

"That's not what I.."

They clamped their mouth after the Madam passed with a glare that said 'get back to work or I'll drown every single of you scroundels and get away with it' and scurry back to their job quickly. Honestly, today is so boring. Wei Wuxian would rather throw himself into the lake to become fish feed rather than be chronically bored like this.

.....

"I don't see the merit of doing so." Lan Wangji replies cooly, face shows no spasm of facial movements while doing so. It should be an achievement, his brother thought.

"You can make friends?" Lan Xichen offers, albeit unconvincingly. Sure enough, his brother's expressionless face looks like he just got involuntary martyred.

"Wangji." He continues. "Just try it once? I heard social media can improve... social quality...?" 

His trailing words shows nothing but the speaker's own incredulity towards his own statement. If it weren't  for him being on his wits end, he wouldn't even think of this random suggestion. His cute, obedient and upright brother dependably spend his whole academic life constantly getting straight A's and accompanying teacher's observations of 'lacking social skills' on his report card. Which is totally, surely, maybe, perhaps, not his own faults.

Right?

That was pretty worrisome while he's a child. Now it's a dire situation for a young man about to enter crocodile pit that is society. Lan Xichen absolutely cannot his beloved brother to fail, whether upwads or downwards in his life. 

Normal interaction is obviously NG (no good). Wangji's expression, or lack thereoff is a natural repellent for majority of people. And even it doesn't manage to shake the persistent ones, his permafrost antics will do the finjshing blow to scare off the newly acquired acquaintances.

So. Online. Brother should teach them how to use emojis. It's not like those requires facial muscle to be activated.

.....

After some prodding Xichen somehow managed to convince his brother to open an account.

too bad he wasn't there while Wangji set up his account by himself.

......

Oh. Hello there.

Wei Wuxian was idling on his bed while he's browsing as usual. Arms and legs sore from a whole day of working through the packed dining hall. His only salvation is there's so many new people to be discovered during the crowded holiday season. Tourists came in flocks to Yunmeng, among them there's so many weirdoes amongst them. Hallelujah, god of dating app.

Currently, wei Wuxian is boring hole on one of those top grade weirdoes. The picture on his phone is definitely a standard sized photo id. The background is blue and the guy on the photo looks uber hot and totally constipated, even for an Id photo. The next photo doesn't help since it's an another id photo of the same guy's side profile (what is this? A mugshot?) with similar dead expressions and the same stiff suit. The last profile picture is his citizen card.

"....."

Isn't this bad? This dude's gonna get eaten by catfishes in no time. Who the f**k put their social number on the internet? Is there anyone in these day and age who doesn't know basic internet etiquette? 

Wei Wuxian swipes right and to his surprise found himself matched with the ID guy.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Hey there！：3

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Helloooo??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: you there???

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Heeeeeyyyy 囧囧

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ：Mister, helooooooo???

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: seriously, I can see you already read my message.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: 囧囧囧囧

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: _(:3」∠)_don't ignore me....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Young masteeeer?????

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Argh whatever. Just delete your citizen card photo! It's dangerous to post it on the internet!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: heeloooooooo??

蓝忘机: yes.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:(○｀ε´○)／＼(○｀ε´○)

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: YOU'RE SUPER WELCOME!!!

........

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: morning!!!! 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:heeeyyyyy!!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: you've deleted the card photo!!! 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: let's pray that no one screenshoted it first!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan gege??

蓝忘机: it's 10 already

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Good Morning!!!!

......

......

蓝忘机:stop flooding my notifications.

......

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Heeey Handsome Brother!!! Sorry i just got off my shift!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: how's your day???*\(๑•ω•๑)/*҉

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Mine's as usual!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: are you near Yunmeng?????

蓝忘机: ....no.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Um. You do know you can only find people near your area right.

蓝忘机:....no.

......

蓝忘机: why are you keep messaging me.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:why did you like my profile ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

蓝忘机: I did not.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:you did!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Totally did!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:you right swiped me~

蓝忘机: so?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:.........

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:.........er young master?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Did you know what swiping does?

蓝忘机: no

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: oh no.

......

蓝忘机: how do you block everyone

......

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen come home just in time to witness his brother's furious mass blocking session.

Wangji's face is perfectly bland while his hands are tapping furiously at his phone's poor screen. For random outsiders, he might seems like an overzealous piano tiles player. However Lan Xichen easily recognize his brother's underlying 'Repulsed and hopeless' expression reserved especially for human interaction.

"Wangji, What are you doing?" He carefully ask, while taking a seat beside his brother. It's not like he haven't got an inkling of what caused his brother's current fervent activity.

"Blocking."

What's the point of using a dating app if you block everyone?? Lan Xichen silently wails while watching his brother mercilessly squash every prospective acquittance's future interaction.

"... Why?"

"It's a mistake." 

Oh god, It totally is a mistake!! Oh my god, I should've started with facebook. Wait, no, that's blocked. Oh no, is everthing blocked!!??

In the middle of his internal freakout Lan Xichen somehow managed to notice a sole profile that miraculously spared from his brother's blocking spree despite it kept chaotically jumped around the notification bar.

They have a baby photo as it's profile pic tho. A very naked baby's photo. 

After a bout of worst case scenario rundown and quieting his mind from screaming Pedophile! Lan Xichen managed to calm himself down. Because, no one is crazy enough to proclaim themselves as sexual defiant on social media, right? Also his brother might not be tangled with a pedophilic scams, right? 

"That's a cute baby picture." He starts. Lan Wangji perceptibly twitch although his expression remains blank. Seeing the reaction Lan Xichen continues, "Your friend?"

"No." Lan Wangji answers a little bit too quickly. He resumes his vigorous tapping with a little bit more force than before. The profile with a laughing baby picture remains untouched amidst the chaotic purge.

"Ah." Xichen said, making storing the profile's details into his head for future reference.

....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Shuaige!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Are you still busy??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Booo!! Boriiingg....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ヽ(　￣д￣;)

蓝忘机：stop flooding my notification.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Hello to you too!（＾ω＾）

.......

By the end of the week, Wei Ying's bones already turns into fine powder and his dreams are filled with reciting table's order.

Thank God for ID bro (his nickname for Lan Wangji) and his constant hilarity of social missteps for brightening his day. Within the scope of a week, ID bro somehow got proposed in the first chat (and roundaboutly ask Wei Ying on how to formulate a formal rejection letter), almost got scammed thrice, indignantly wallowing the fact that 'kids these days' are so eager to jump into a bed with strangers (Wei Ying really had to double take ID bro's age afterwards) and apparently got his hilarious profile pic got stolen and used by someone else. Talking about desperate measures, geez.

He brags to Shijie and Jiang Cheng about this new hot but weird specimen one day after they noticed he became a bit more engrossed of his phone than usual.

"At least God is fair." Jiang Cheng said while scrutinizing the illustrious pass photo. "Since the face is good, for balance's sake it's fair for his head to be weird"

So petty! Thinks everyone in the vicinity.

"He is hot, though." A-Qing pipes in while pulling the phone screen towards herself. "But, seriously, no one sucks that bad at using SNS! Are you sure he's not an old fart?"

"Language!" Madam Yu hisses from furthest hearing range. Clearly a little bit intrigued for her even willing to hang around the employee's area.

"Is he even capable of falsifying anything?" Shijie adds, still in disbelief after hearing that someone put his citizen card so he can legally verify the authenticity of his profile for the internet people. Did he thought social media is  the same as registering official document? 

"Definitely no?" Wei Ying wrestles his phone back from A-Qing. "Lan gege is as clueless as a baby. I'm pretty sure he's grown on a lab his whole life."

"Are you sure he doesn't hate you? He barely replies to you, and it's usually just 'no' and 'shut up'." Jiang Cheng logically concluded after glancing at the chat history.

"How dare!" Wei Ying clutch his phone exaggeratedly, making a very hurt expression. "I survived the purge, I told you!"

What purge? Everyone thinks. 

"Brother Wei, pretty sure he keeps you around as some kind of SIRI for social situation." A sensible employee chimes in. Wei Wuxian looks at him indignantly but doesn't refute. He continues to type on his phone, flooding the notification on the other side of the chat.

......

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: just got off of work!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:٩( ᐛ )و٩( ᐛ )و

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Thank god holiday is over!!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I don't wanna see any more tour bus!!!(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

蓝忘机：why?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Heeyyy!!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Still busy???

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: tour groups are the worst!!!!щ(ಥ益ಥщ)

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: everyone wants to order at the same time!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Please spare this poor Yingying..._:(´□` 」 ∠):_

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: how's your day???

蓝忘机：good.

.......

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:what's your favorite animal?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Mine's chicken since it's tasty!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: don't tell me you like dogs..

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:（ ﾟДﾟ）

蓝忘机：no

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:!!!!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ٩꒰ ˘ ³˘꒱۶~♡

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: YOURE TOTALLY MY BFF

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: EAT THAT JIANG CHENG

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ok, what's your favorite?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: elephant? Horse? Lion? Birds? Tiger? Cat? 

蓝忘机：rabbit

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:you looks like you'd like reptiles

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: eh bunny?

蓝忘机：yes

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ૮⍝◜•˕̮•◝⍝ა this one?

蓝忘机：en.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: They are tasty too٩( ᐛ )و

蓝忘机：no.

.....

That night Wei Wuxian forgoes homework for another round of weird people hunting. Which have been heavily reduced since he got into regular contact with ID bro.

fishnet blouse.. isn't that cold? Dobby, Dobby, fuck, dog filter?! Whoa, melons. Definitely fake..pff.. why'd you photograph cars that's clearly still in the showroom? 

Wait. 

He paused at a certain profile. That profile seems painfully normal though. A photo of a group of friends sitting on a table. The center of the photo is a face that somehow familiar. The next photo make his body freeze completely. 

ID bro!

The photo is definitely taken during a trip. A handsome guy in early twenties smiling gently to the camera while leaning lightly on a stone fence.

the likes! The likes numbers are astronomical!! He even got a golden star! Holy shit, the account was created two days ago?!

What does it even mean? ID bro is evolving into Tantan superstar? ID bro has friends and can function normally in the society? ID bro's facial muscles are not dead? He stumbled into Tantan Superstar's shameful trial account?!

Wei Wuxian nervously swiped right. And it's a match! 

Is this guy seriously ID bro?

蓝壹：good afternoon.

holy.. he's initiating contact!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: hello!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Err.. lan gege?

蓝壹：yes?:D

Wei Wuxian almost drops his phone due to utter shock. Since when ID bro can use an emoji?! Abort! Abort! This is definitely some alien in ID bro's skin!! Or rather maybe ID bro is really grown on lab and this is the latest system update?! ID bro IOS ver.2? But ID bro was his usual concrete stiff self just an hour ago though?!

蓝壹：ah, right. 

蓝壹：nice to meet you!

蓝壹：you're friends with Lan Zhan right?

蓝壹：I'm his brother.

Oh.

Ooohhh!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Nice to meet you!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Your brother?？

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: The one with this face?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:【・ ˡ̲̮ ・】

蓝壹：oh my god.

蓝壹：where did you get that emoji hahahaha

蓝壹：yes! Yes that one.

蓝壹：I'm going to save it.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Please do!! Hahahahaha

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Oh his name is Lan Zhan? 

蓝壹：wait, he didn't tell you?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: unn

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Our convo is mainly one way though..

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: He told you about me???

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ƪƪ’▿’)

蓝壹：not.. directly?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lol.

蓝壹：that's why

蓝壹：can you keep this from him?

蓝壹：my friends told me I'm a mother hen if it's about my brother.

蓝壹： I'm afraid he'll be upset

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Don't worry! I understand!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Pretty sure that's necessary for ID Bro.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I mean Lan Zhan.

蓝壹：why ID bro?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Eh...

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: He might... posted his ID card on his id? 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Also, he used pass photo as profile pic, so..

蓝壹：HE DID WHAT

......

In the end Wei Wuxian spent an half hour to calm Lan Brother from his initial meltdown. Yes, it's alright, it's down in less than an hour. Nobody noticed or seen it, probably. Yes, he'll help Lan Zhan by being a virtual babysitter, so please don't blow up on him. Also, big brother, did you seriously let your totally inexperienced brother loose on a dating app without further instruction? Tsk tsk tsk.

He opens another chat to the said brother and types.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Yoo!! 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: What are you doing??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Tomorrow school's starting 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`) don't wanna..

蓝忘机：education is important.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Why are you so chronically boring.

蓝忘机：don't talk to me then.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Hey!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You're not Boring-boring!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You're like lovable boring.

蓝忘机：shut up

蓝忘机：don't contact me if you're busy

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm not?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Are you?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Ok then, good night! Sleep tight!

蓝忘机: Nn.

.....

Chapter Text

Being a certified oversharer, within the first week of school term, Wei Wuxian's circle of friends already thoroughly acquitanced with the Chronicles of ID bro. 

Reactions may vary, just as currently Wen Qing's face currently undergoes a facial epilepsy while her brother's mouth has not been closed for the past 20 minutes or so. In the not-so-graceful camp, Mianmian was laughing until she got hiccups and so does several others on their canteen table.

"That friend of yours." Wen Qing starts as soon as her twitching stop. "You sure he's not the rehydrated form of Ozi the caveman?"

"The one whose dick got chewed by goat?" Someone on the table pipes in. Wei Wuxian chokes on a piece of bokchoy.

"Man." He said after a big gulp of water. "Stop talking about another person's chewed privates. I'm still eating."

"He really got his dick chewed off?!" Wen Ning's face turns into another shade of green and purple only for his sister pinched his butt to calm him down.

"The caveman is Italian you idiot. Like Monica Belluci. ID bro is clearly Chinese!" Wei Wuxian shakes his head in reproach.

"Monica who?" Mianmian asks while some other boys just gestures at her not to. Seeing that her face just light up in understanding. What else these perverts are interested in?!

"You might never know. I mean, no one's that inept at social media! You should check the things down there if you really meet him! Maybe it's really gone!" A guy named Ouyang pipes in cheerfully from nearby table. Somehow everyone in the vicinity happen to eavesdrop on them, Wei Wuxian muses. Gossipers all of them! At this point he thanks the heaven for the sole singularity named Lan Zhan who's painfully apathetic at everything. Truly a rare specimen!

........

Jiang Yanli scurrying through the marble and glass cladded lobby while carrying a file bag. Clearly for the sole purpose of delivering her father's 'left behind documents' and totally not because her mother wants her to 'accidentally' meet Mrs. Jin and by extension her son. Yes. Totally. Not inconspicuous. At all.

At least don't let your daughter read your real intention so easily, please, mother.

She goes to the receptionist to call for her father when she meets her mother's intended 'target'.

"Aiya! A-Li! So nice to see you here! Aiyooo..how come you get cuter again in such a short time!" The perfectly coiffed Mrs. Jin greets her enthusiastically. In no time she was pulled into Burberry scented embrace.

"Auntie, so nice to see you here." Yanli said with a sweet smile. She does genuinely like Mrs. Jin while not that enthusiastic to her mother's matchmaking plans.

There was a time when she did, but that's another story.

"Are you here to deliver your father's stuff? Such a good daughter!" Mrs. Jin beams at her happily. There's an underlying 'must get!' expression in her face that makes Yanli shrunk back a little.

Just when Yanli politely tries to excuse herself, a group of people rushes out of the elevator. While shifting her gaze, she happen to catch a look on a man in light blue shirt's face.

Wait, isn't that A-Xian's..

"ShenfenGe!" Yanli quickly covers her mouth as soon as she realized she just blurted that out loud. 

"A-Li?" Mrs. Jin also quite surprised at her sudden outburst. While she didn't quite catch what she said, the girl's panicked expression was quite strange.

Meanwhile, the man in the blue shirt pauses as he heard that word. He scans the lobby for the source of the voice. Meanwhile, Yanli shifts slightly behind Mrs. Jin's figure, surprised as hell that the man really reacts.

"Oh! No, nothing! I just remembered something urgent!! Ai, I totally forgot! Ah, Auntie, See you laterbye!" She replies softly but also visibly hurried. After said that she bolted away to exit on the opposite side of the blue shirt man's direction.

Unfortunately for her, she's not inconspicuous enough. The man in blue shirt already noted a girl who made a hurried retreat maneuver and slowly walked towards slightly dumbfounded Mrs. Jin.

"Excuse me, Ma'am." He greets politely. The still stunned Mrs. Jin got even more shocked when she saw a handsome young man suddenly approached her. She quickly scans the new stranger's spec with her expertly trained social scanner.

Tian Ah! This one's even more handsome than my kid!!

"Is there anything I can help you with?" She lets out her business smile while calming her heart down. So what he's as handsome as Li LianJie in his golden days! My kid's smart and courteous and one of the top scorers of national ranking! A-Li will definitely would choose my kid! Hmph!

"Ah, the young lady just now.." The handsome young man's face are bright and dazzling while Mrs Jin heart goes Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Oblivious to Mrs. Jin's inner turmoil the man continues, "Do you know who she is? You seems to be acquaintanced."

Ding! They're not acquainted?

"That young lady just now is Jiang's daughter." Mrs. Jin said with saccharine sweet voice before she retreats a little bit too enthusiastically. There are so many Jiang in this world lah! Let's see if you can find her amongst the sea of Jiangs!

.....

Lan Xichen wants to scratch his head. He's pretty sure he heard the girl called him 'ID bro". There's only one person he knows who (mistakenly) called him that, so whoever that is or definitely knows Wangji's internet BFF, cough, friend.

He was so proud of himself for not having a  heart attack when his brother innocently ask the meaning of BFF. Somehow or other he concluded that his brother got somewhat attached to his new friend despite his grudging denial. While Xichen himself are still cautious about meeting people on the internet, at least for now he already have a clue about Wangji's friend however vague that is. 

For now he only have the name Jiang. While he was cautious, the Wi-Fi person seems to be even more so. Apparently they are a self-proclaimed connoisseur of weird people and have a decent self preservation instict not to disclose his personal information. (Unlike my brother)

For now, he doesn't feel any ill intent. In contrary, Wi-Fi seems to be quite protective to his brother. But just in case.

Lan Xichen goes to lunch with thousands thoughts swirling inside his mind.

.....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Do you have western name?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Today my friend told me his name is now Henry.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: What the hell, he doesn't look Henry.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: (；￣Д￣）

蓝忘机：no

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Well, me neither!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm going to pick one myself!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I was thinking....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: How about Humberto?

蓝忘机：no

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: it's not good??

蓝忘机: no.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Aww

蓝忘机：no.

.....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:what's wrong with this world( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`)

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:why do we even life

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:why aren't you replying to me

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Why

蓝忘机：Is there something wrong?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Everything is wrong!!!

蓝忘机：it's nothing then.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: HEY!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm going to revoke your BFF rights!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan gege I was wrong please come back...

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: this is serious! 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Serious peril!!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Serious academic trouble!

蓝忘机：what trouble

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You're back!!!!!(°̴̥̥̥̥̃♜°̴̥̥̥̥̃ )

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm going to crush the faculty office!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Hello???

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Seriously, another radio silence?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Helooo??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I mean metaphorically! Not physically!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I mean!! 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Who the hell give a comprehensive test 1 month after the terms start?!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: We haven't even studied anything!!

蓝忘机：it's just an exercise

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:щ(ﾟДﾟщ)

蓝忘机：my university also have that every month.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: (；￣Д￣）

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: wat.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Want me to crush your faculty office?

蓝忘机：no

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Holy shit that's spartan.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I admire you for staying alive

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: What kind of demon uni was that? Auswitzch?

蓝忘机：no

蓝忘机：HuaLu (华律大学， National law school it's just a fictional place lol)

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: what do you mean no?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I know that place

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: That's totally Auswitzch

蓝忘机：it's ok.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: (눈‸눈)

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm at FuJiao (复教）

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Not that far, right!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You sure you don't want to transfer here??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:there are a lot of pretty girls

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Heloo?? Seriously? Radio silence again????

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Helooo??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: What did I do now???

.....

Three weeks into the school term, Nie Huaisang come back from his prolonged holiday trip with barely inconspicuous new bag, new hat, new jacket, new everything and the aura of debonair kept man. Everyone on their usual table got a cutely packaged chocolate truffles and a whole lot of travel stories which everyone actually had already seen on his daily social media posts.

Not to be outdone, Chronicles of ID Bro was once again brought up although it already lost thre initial steam.

"Wow." Nie Huaisang swings his legs lazily. "Just hearing that got me a lot of secondhand embarrassment already."

"He purged everyone." Wen Ning emphasized every syllable. "No. one's. good. enough."

"Hey!" Wei Wuxian cuts him. He's not blocked, rather, they're pretty chummy these days?

"You doesn't count. You're his social media manager." Wen Qing stabs him right where it hurts.

"Wei Xiong, let me see!" Nie Huaisang reach towards his phone just to freeze when he saw the screen and lets out a weak squeak.

"You know him?" Mianmian eyed Huaisang's stiff expression with suspicions. Wei Wuxian felt his hand suddenly got clammier as well.

"Know?!" Nie Huaisang shrill voice got higher. "Know!! Oh my god, Buddha!"

"Seriously, dude! What is it?!" Another guy smacks his shoulder impatiently.

"We were on the same extra tutoring class during middle school." Huaisang sniffled. "Worst two years of my academic life."

"What happened?" Mianmian ask incredulously. Huaisang's 'worst moments' appear thrice a week with varying magnitude.

"That guy, that guy's a total terminator. He's scarier than the teacher! You can see in his eyes that he's constantly judging my every moves! Just being near his vicinity seriously makes you feels like the temperature drops 5 degree lower! Also, who the hell sits so fucking still for 3 hours! Totally inhuman! I got ulcer because i sat behind him for a semester."

"Woow." Wei Wuxian drawls. "He'd be useful in the summer."

That's what you're getting at? Everyone thinks

Nie Huaisang babbles nervously. "Give it up Wei Xiong. That guy's seriously not on our league. He's like... the Alpha Bitch amongst other alpha bitches"

"Oh?" Wei Ying quirks his eyebrow, "What does it makes us then?"

"Me? I'm a bottom feeder bitch of course!" Huaisang proudly proclaims. Everyone on the table facepalms so hard they got concussions.

Wei Wuxian frowns. Lan Zhan is? But he's not a terrifying alpha bitch though? He's weird and awkward and likes rabbit. If anything he reliably makes his side hurts from laughing too much. Oh, well. It's not like he can control other people's impression.

Just that, ID Bro's infamy rose again amongst Wei Wuxian's friends.

.....

Wen Ning loves his job. The pay's not that much and coffee steam sometimes gave him insomnia, but it's way less stressful than working in normal restaurants. If Wei Xiong's stories are to be believed, working as waiter is so scary! So many drunk people! So many tables to interact with! Working behind the counter is truly the best! 

And then, that day came.

There wasn't any warnings, no ill omens either. It's just a very normal day where he mixed up orders twice and dropped the milk carton once. Just then, suddenly everything went to shit.

Wen Ning was fiddling with the tamper when the customer walk in front of the counter. He grabs the paper cup and cheerfully greets.

"Welcome, how can I help-" He paused to find a pair of light colored eyes staring blankly at him. Somewhere in Wen Ning's mind flashed an image of those creepy furbys and their dead, observing glass eyes.

"Green tea." The guy states blankly. Not a single muscle on his face seems to shift.

Wen Ning got so shocked he drops the cup while stammering, "She... Shenfen..shen.."

The guy blinks and wordlessly took out his ID card and slides it across the counter. Is that a new policy to ask for ID when you buy coffee?

Shiiittt . I'm so gonna get purged!! Wei Xiong! Wei Xiong!! Help!!

Wen Ning snatches the ID and pretends to check it for a split second and almost fling it back to the pale eyed terror in front of him. SOP training flew off his head as he scurried to  make the order and in a record time hands out the steaming cup to the guy.

The guy's eyebrow moves for half centimeter, he doesn't even move to accept the cup.

"I haven't pay yet."

Fuuuuuuu....

....

Chapter Text

....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Lan gege

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Change your profile picture would you

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I mean, you look handsome and all..

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: But you can get more girls with less...constipated photo?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Look at your brother's account!

蓝忘机：My brother?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Oh shit.

蓝忘机: speak

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Oh shit. Shit shit shit.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: How do you recall messages, dammnit.

蓝忘机：Speak. Now.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan, can you not?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm in the middle of nervous breakdown

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Have pity would you

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Щ(º̩̩́Дº̩̩̀щ)

蓝忘机：You know my name

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: oops, i guess i do.

蓝忘机：You've been talking to my brother

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Um, yeah?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Please don't be mad?

蓝忘机：I'm not

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:૮( ꒦ິ࿄꒦ີ)ა૮(꒦ິ࿄꒦ີ )ა

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhaaannn

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Seriously, don't be mad!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'll do anything

蓝忘机：Name.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Uh, yeah..

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Sorry abot that.=='

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You don't want me to call you that?

蓝忘机：No

蓝忘机： you know my name

蓝忘机：I don't know yours.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Wait, I didn't tell you?

蓝忘机： no

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Seriously? Whoa I totally forgot!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: It's Wei Ying!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Courtesy name Wuxian

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: My sign is Scorpio, blood type AB

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Nice to meet you!!

蓝忘机：Wei Ying

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: That's me!

蓝忘机: your profile picture. (婴=baby)

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Hahahaha yes that.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: We got the steps totally backwards.

蓝忘机：Nn.

蓝忘机：my brother told you mine.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Oh damnit, we're going back to that topic?

蓝忘机：Do you talk to him often?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: sometimes??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan, seriously.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Your privacy is totally save with me.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: He knows about the ID card thing, though.

蓝忘机：are you two friends?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Sorta?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Don't worry!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You're still the number one Lan for me!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ٩꒰ ˘ ³˘꒱۶~♡

蓝忘机：Nn

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Lol.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:School tomorrow?

蓝忘机：yes.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Alright! Sleep well then!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Change your profile pic!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Ask your brother to take photo or whatever!

蓝忘机：Why?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I told you!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Girls like casual but cool photos!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan, you're handsome, but you can't get the girls just by that!

蓝忘机：I don't need that kind of thing.

蓝忘机：goodnight Wei Ying

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Cool guys sure have it easy..

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Alright! Nightnight!
....

....
Nie Mingjue declared that every second friday of the month is bar hopping night. Which means, it's Xichen's monthly task of being glorified designated driver. It's also the night where his physical and mental capabilities are exerted to the max so that the two of his closest friend wouldn't either try to maim each other or innocent bystanders while drunk.
They're currently at the second bar and so far nothing's broken, no one's trying to claw someone else's eyes out, barbed insults were thrown but yet to be classified as all out disaster in the making. Lan Xichen knows this is too good to be true and something is bound to happen soon.

Besides him A-Yao suddenly made a painful chocking sound. His eyes is still pretty sober looking while glaring coldly at the TV screen on the top of bar counter. Lan Xichen follows his line of sight to find the local news playing on the TV. Less sober Mingjue is also looking at the screen with a similar understanding.

"Your old toad is strutting around and kissing asses as usual." He sneers coldly, downing another gulp of burning alcohol.

"Brother." Xichen warns. The man on the TV is proudly shaking hands with important looking figure while his illegitimate son glares at him with hateful expression from the other side of the screen.

"I don't care." Meng Yao lies through his teeth. His expression is dark as he takes another bottle and chugged it a little bit too fast.Xichen wants to give another consoling words when he saw another surprisingly familiar figure.

"That woman.."

The word successfully caught the attention of his friends as both of their head swivels so fast back to the TV screen.
There's only one woman within the group on the screen, standing serenely besides Jin Guangshan with tailored suit and placid smile, the running text identifies her as Jin Guangshan's wife. Xichen recognized her as the woman who told him about Jiang's daughter at the other day.

A-Yao looks at him with visible surprise. "You know her?"

"We've met." Xichen answers. "She's your stepmom?"

Meng Yao just silently chugs another gulp of his drink. Even Mingjue doesn't make another cutting remarks.

"At least she doesn't pretend that I doesn't exist." He answers with a sullen calmness.

"Why the hell would she stays with your nympho old man?" Nie Mingjue grumbles. No one opts to answer.

Xichen weighed out his curiosity and his courtesy for his friend and somehow curiosity wins out.

"A-Yao." Lan Xichen starts. He choose to ignore confused expressions from both of his closest friends."I'm truly sorry for asking this, but, do you know if your dad's family have a friend called Jiang?"

"Yunmeng's Jiang?" It's Xichen's turn to be surprised by how fast the answer came out.
Nie Mingjue. "The Lakeside restaurant?"

"Nn."

"Why that one?" Lan Xichen tentatively ask, trying to suppress his excitement.
Meng Yao raise his eyebrow in puzzlement.

"It's not? If you said Jiang that's connected with my- Jin family it's surely that one, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't know." He replies back. "I'm just wondering why that particular one."

"Well, there's the thing where they tried to marry my half brother to Jiang's daughter."

Jiang's daughter! Lan Xichen feels somewhat giddy despite barely touches a drop of alcohol.

"Arranged marriage? What damn year is this?" Nie Mingjue frowned from disapproval.

Meng Yao only shrugs apathetically while continues to sip his drink with faraway eyes.

Mingjue tsked from the lack of reaction and shifted his attention to Xichen who's still deep in thoughts. "What are you thinking? What's with the Jins and Jiangs?"

The more observant Meng Yao is quicker to catch on, "Does it have anything to do with your brother?"

"Ah? What about him?" Mingjue pops several pieces of chocolate truffles into his mouth. Meng Yao looks at him with a little disdain. Pretty sure expensive chocolates aren't meant to be eaten that way.

Lan Xichen lowers his voice,"You guys know about the *thing* right?"

"The *thing* that backfired so bad you had to held an intervention?" Meng Yao had to double facepalm when he first heard about the whole fiasco.

"The one that made you into a social media superstar overnight?" Nie Mingjue snickers gleefully while Lan Xichen groans.

"Remember that I told you Wangji somehow got a friend out of that?"

Nie Mingjue. "Ah, right. What's the name again? SIRI?"

"It's Wi-Fi!" Xichen laughs, it had became an inside joke to refer Wangji's friend as SIRI since he might as well got his whole social media guidance from them. "And, I think it's one of the Jiangs. Do they only have a daughter?"

Wangji's friend barely sounds like a girl, demure or not. Besides the mental image of his brother spent the entirety of socialization time with a girl seems a little... off.

The gear in Meng Yao's head is turning rapidly. Er-Ge's brother is interested in the Jiangs? Isn't this a really good chance? Not only he got a lot of credit and Xichen's goodwill if he introduced those two, he also give an extra stab to the Jin family. As far as he knows, those snobs are pretty desperate in their attempt of matchmaking their precious son to the girl. If Xichen's brother really is taken with her... even his estranged half brother probably doesn't really stand a chance. If it's not the girl.. well, still good enough. He can just made a rift between the Jin and the Jiang and steer them closer to the Lan.

"They also have a son, if I'm not mistaken." He said finally. The shine on Lan Xichen's eyes are immediate. Feeling more confident he continues, "Maybe I can take you there? As an Introduction?"

"Ha? What's that? Reconnaissance lunch?" 

"Alright!" Lan Xichen stands up from the sheer excitement. "When can we go?"
....

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: happy weekend!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:\(๑•ω•๑)/*҉

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: How is your tests????

蓝忘机：good

蓝忘机：yours?

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Eergh, don't ask.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: apparently they based the question on Beida's (Beijing University)spring exercise.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: WTF, we haven't studied that yet

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Oops, sorry.. no swearing I forgot

蓝忘机： You always forgot.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: hahaha, that I do.

蓝忘机：I have the exercishe sheet.

蓝忘机：we also used that.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: As expected of Lan Zhan

蓝忘机：I can give it to you

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Yeah!! 

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: LAN ZHAN YOU'RE THE BEST

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Er. Wait how?

蓝忘机：we can meet.

Wei Ying's finger hovered midway, part of him feel dazed and other parts feel so excited like something's going to bursy out from his veins. Who could've thought that Lan Zhan is such a bold person!

He grins from ear to ear and rapidly typed his replies.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Hahahahaha

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: IRL meeting??

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Seriously? That's my first time doing that

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: And it's totally unromantic LOL.

蓝忘机：you don't want to

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I WANT TO!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Let's have a totally unromantic date with exams sheet!!

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:（人´∀`*）

蓝忘机：it's not a date

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Shush you.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Don't be a killjoy

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: There's nothing wrong with dating me.

蓝忘机：shameless.

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: you like this shameless

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

蓝忘机：Wei Ying

WI-FIʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Yessir?

蓝忘机：shut up.

......

The last of afternoon classes are finished already. The classroom is almost empty, saves for two people seemingly deep in discussions.

"This Saturday right? Easy peasy! The little runt loves me. It'll be like the usual bonding ses.. Ow ow ow! What the-" Wei Wuxian winces when his ear pulled with not so gentle force.

"Listen here, you little shit." Wen Qing's face resembles more of someone who's going to extort money rather than asking for help. She looks totally haggard and there's a big, black, and painful looking bag under her eye.

"Did you get enough sleep?" Wei Wuxian asks cautiously.

"I drank enough redbull that I can feel my bloodstream. So shut up and listen."

"Listening.", He obediently mimes a zapping motion.

"Let me repeat this, okay? My Grandma broke her hips. I can't get a leave from my shit professor, A-Ning's boss is out of town so he cannot get a leave either."

"So you said."

"I won't ask You if I could."

"Still listening."

"You're the last of my least choice. Last. Choice. You get it don't you?"

"Nnn."

Get to the point, woman! Wei Wuxian wants to blurt out. Fortunately he's just daring, not a suicidal idiot so he keeps his mouth shut.

"Don't. And I mean, really don't wash our A-Yuan on the kitchen sink."

"Gotcha."

"Don't feed him spicy snack, or samyang. Who the fuck gave 2 years old spicy noodles?"

"My mistake."

"Damn right it was! Alright, I already set the TV to the kids channel. Don't ever change the chanel. No, IT is not a kid's movie even if it got children in it.
Don't make him listen to songs about butt or tits. Don't carry him in a cat carrier when you go out, don't show him your weirds.."

That caught Wei Wuxian's attention.

"Wait, what? Why not? Not even ID bro?"

Wen Qing just glared harder, "Especially that one! Do you know that my brother got a nightmare about him? I heard him apologizing to 'ID bro' in his sleep!"

"How's that my fault?! What even he's apologizing for?!"

.....

Chapter Text

.....

Just as the usual weekend afternoon, a steady flow of diners streams in and out of the door. As per prior arrangement, Yanli got her holiday at Sunday while Wei Ying got his at Saturday as they take turns in being the hall supervisor. Meanwhile, her brother's at the back office, helping with the logistics and managing the kitchen staff. Everyone knows why, and thus this arrangement are widely acknowledged as the ideal job distribution.

Today's customers has begun to trickling in when a peculiar group arrived. Yanli happens to look up from the register just in time to catch a familiar face enters through the main door and pales.

Oh no.

She scurries back through the employee door before the group noticed her and finds her brother barking orders to other employees.

"A-Cheng! A-Cheng!" Jiang Cheng looks at her with palpable surprise from seeing his usually graceful sister sneaking around in panic. He have yet to react when his sister drags him to the serving window and point him towards a newly seated group.

Fuck.

"I already told that idiot!! One day One of his freaks is going to come knocking!" Jiang Cheng paled. "What the fuck is that guy doing here?!"

Yanli bit her lips. "I think it's because of me.. I saw him at Dad's office and I called... oh no.."

Jiang Cheng is livid at his sister's distress. "You're right, he might recognize you. Jie, you stay here, I'll take it from here."

Jiang Cheng ignores the incredulous stares from other employees and strides out from the kitchen with all righteous fury he could muster.

This is gonna be good. A waitress takes out her phone and starts recording.

Fuck. Someone, call the madam! A sensible person reaches for the landline.

PR disaster in the making. One cook thinks.

I'm so glad I take this shift. Another thinks.

.....

Lan Xichen throw his gaze around the lively dining hall, eyes scanning through hurried waiters in purple uniform. Nie Mingjue is flipping through Dianping, looking at customers reviews and photos of featured dishes with little interest.

"You sure this is the right place?" Mingjue looks around apathetically. "You saw the girl, right? What does she looks like?"

Before Lan Xichen got to answer, a scowling waiter already standing beside them and almost slams the menu down briskly.

"What do you want." The rude waiter is a young man with an impressive crease on his forehead. He doesn't even sound like he's asking people.

Why is this guy working in the service industry? Everyone in the vicinity have the similar question in their head.

Nie Mingjue looks incredulously at the waiter. "They hired You as a waiter?"  

Hearing the universal sentiment said out loud, the scowling waiter's face only twitch.

"Ah, then we'll have your most recommended dish." Lan Xichen smiles genially to dissapate the tension, too bad the waiter's aura turns even more murderous when their eye connects.

"That's all?" The young waiter doesn't even wait for a response before he turns back and disappear to the back, leaving the group utterly dumbfounded.

"What the fuck. That's like the worst waiter I ever meet."

"Maybe he's a trainee?" Lan Xichen offers.

"I never met a trainee with that much killing intent." Mingjue glares at the employee door and then to Meng Yao. "This is your worst idea yet."

The smaller guy looks back coldly. "There's a limit on what you can blame me for."

"Guys. Please." Lan Xichen rubs his head, fending off the incoming headache. So far there's no waitress who reminds him of the girl he saw and there are voices in his head that admonished him already for even seriously chasing after strangers from internet just because he's being overprotective over his brother's social life (or lack thereof).

"I don't even want to eat here anymore." Nie Mingjue stands brusquely. Just when he wants to get out of his seat, the same waiter already come back with a steaming pot of something with a really delicious smell, effectively stopping him in his track.

Meng Yao scrutinizes the waiter who's silently scooping the soup from the pot to smaller bowls, gears in his head moving rapidly.

"That guy." He said as soon the waiter is gone. "Is Jiang's son."

Nie Mingjue's spoon stopped midway. His face shows an understanding expression. "I know it. So they didn't really hire him."

"That's really not my point." Meng Yao sighs. He turns at Lan Xichen. "Er-Ge, he recognized you, or more likely your face. You noticed that he's keeps glaring at you, right? What do you think, brother?"

Lan Xichen's still looking at the retreating waiter's back, face deep in thoughts

Is he angry that I shows up at his workplace? No, that doesn't seems right... I'm not sure..

"No. It's not him, I think." He settles finally.

Nie Mingjue hums. "That's true.. from your stories, the SIRI kid-"

"WiFi."

"Yes, yes. WiFi. Whatever. He sounds pretty chill. That one.." he pauses, letting others to complete the sentence by themselves.

"Sorry, brother. It seems that we hit a dead end." Meng Yao said a little bit dejectedly.

Lan Xichen smiles. "No. I mean.. I think I also crossed the line there. It's not right for me to just barging in and snooping around someone just because they're Wangji's friend.."

"Is it a dead end though?" Nie Mingjue slams down his emptied out bowl. "The kid just now clearly knows your face. He definitely knows the WiFi person."

"It's alright. I'm not going to ask him. This big brother have done enough meddling." Xichen  reassuringly said. He can't keep bothering everyone else for his own unfounded worries.

They finished the excellent soup in no time and get ready to pay the bill. The same sour faced waiter came back with a scanner. Just when they are ready to pay, a certain group barges in through the front door.

"AH! You!!" Mrs. Jin hollers as soon as she saw his husband's illegitimate son.

Shit. Three friends simultaneously thinks.

The waiter widens his eyes and shift his glare to Meng Yao.

"....You're Givenchy Twat's relative."

Givenchy twat. Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen looks at each other imploringly.

Oho. Meng Yao thinks. I don't even need to scheme any bout of divide et impera. They already have a Mariana trench sized rift between them!

Fuckity Fuck. Thinks Mrs. Jin as soon as she found the handsome boy from the other day sitting beside his husband's spawn. I shouldn't told him about the Jiang! How would I know they'd got the right one right away?! What are those stinking kids doing here anyway?! Thank God, A-Li is not here! 

The waiter and waitresses around them not so secretly glues their eyeball to follow the small drama occurring in the middle of their workplace. On one side is their regular patron glaring daggers to a group of young men. The other side is apparently the lovechild of the lady's husband, ultra buff guy who looks like he could eat a whole cow in one sitting and a vaguely familiar hot guy with anxious expression. And there's the young master who looks positively murderous towards every sentient being within the vicinity.

Drama alert! So exciting!

"Ahem. The bill?" Lan Xichen tentatively breaks the tension to shove his phone barcode to the waiter cum young master.

The waiter glowers but said nothing and scans the phone before turns around and leave. Three of them wastes no time to get the hell out of there, avoiding every stare and went around as far as possible from Mrs. Jin's table.

"What the fuck.." Jiang Cheng mumbles to himself as he saw the group sprints away like headless chicken. Hidden in the kitchen, Yanli and other kitchen staff also witnessed the whole affair with bated breath.

What the fuck just happened apparently is the common consensus among everyone present.

"Well." Meng Yao said as soon as they get out from the building.

"For once i agree with you. This is the worst idea ever."
.....

A -Yuan managed to stay still for two hours with the kids channel before he get antsy and overwhelmed with the need to channel his toddler energy elsewhere. Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian already so fed up with pastel colored puppets, baby talks and peppy kids songs and wants nothing more but to get out of this goddamn apartment and pouring bleach into his brain.

His initial plan is to feed the kid with enough sweets until he gets food coma and too sluggish to run around, and thus he liberally bought puddings, chocolates and a ton of other cheap sweets to bribe the two year old.

Guess what. The plan backfired almost spectacularly in a way that A-Yuan got an intense sugar rush and cannot sit still even for a blink and began to climb every surface in the small apartment.

Apparently his next solution by bringing the kid outside sucks hard too. His favorite method of carrying cat sized toddler already got banned by Wen Qing and goddamn it, he had to carry a kid around like a young, eligible, single dad.

"Brother Xian, A-Yuan is thirsty." Midway through the local park, A-Yuan pleads with all the cuteness a two years old can muster.

"Sheeesh.. didn't I just feed you?" To that, the kid just looks at him with pitiful expressions of someone who haven't eaten in days. This kid is on the road to shamelessness!

Since the snacks already devoured at home, Wei Wuxian begin to look around for the nearest convenience store. Looking around the busy street, Wei Wuxian notices that the area is actually pretty close to the New Development area (CBD, satellite city that's near the suburban district in the outskirts of a big city).

Hey, this area is actually pretty close to HuaLu Uni.. Maybe we can accidentally run into Lan Zhan..

A great guy named Jesus once said, 'ask and ye shall receive'. And basically, that's what's going to happen.

A-Yuan runs off as soon as he's lowered from Wei Wuxian's tired arms. The convenience store is not that big, so it's not much of a concern, he thought. Wei Wuxian looks around the refrigerated drinks section when the convenience door slides to give way to a group of people, making the previously empty store a lot more crowded.

Meanwhile, A-Yuan is still happily looking at a row of colorful fleece towel in the other aisle when he suddenly stumbled into a group of middle schoolers who chatted noisily amongst themselves.

The group doesn't notice the small figure beneath their knees and accidentally knocks into the kid, making the light toddler falls backwards with quite an impact.

A-Yuan's wails in surprise. His small mind already braced for the incoming fall but something caught him just before he connects to the floor. A pair of cold hands holding his back from the painful crash.

"Be careful."

The cold voice reverberates crispily into the air. The sharpness of the tone successfully silenced the group of teenagers who realized that they almost injured a small kid. They almost freaks out when he saw a pair of frosty eyes and stern expressions of the guy who's holding the toddler, looking at them with a look of utter disdain and instantly scrams.

A-Yuan doesn't really get what happened. He just know that he didn't get hurt as much as he thought he would and that the person behind him is the one who saved him. Instantly, he begin to tear up and clings to the stranger with all his might.

"A-Yuan?! What-"

Hearing the commotion, Wei Wuxian rushed into the next aisle only to find something that exceeds all his expectation.

Lan Wangji simultaneously looks up from the toddler to find a panic stricken young man appears in the end of the aisle. The young man's eyes widens when he met Lan Wangji's eyes.

Wei Wuxian lets out an astonished sound. "Lan Zhan?!"

What the hell just happened?!

It's Lan Wangji's turn to be surprised. No one would call him that, except..

"Wei..Ying?"

The two of them frozen still in their places. Meanwhile A-Yuan twists to find the familiar face and instantly rams into Wei Wuxian's legs.

"Ow! Hey! Give a heads up first!" He lifts the weepy toddler up, eyes still locked with the person crouched in front of him. He tentatively walk forward and offers his hand with a grin.

"Here. Stand up?" Lan Zhan silently let himself to be hoisted up. Eyes still locked to the face in front of him.

"So-" Wei Ying tuned down his nerves, his hand still gripped tightly by the familiar stranger. Is he a stranger though? They already talk so much about each other for several months.

Well... it's more of I talk and Lan Zhan told me to shut up, though..

"Wei Ying." The not-stranger calls again. Surer this time.

"Yeah. That's me. Hi!" He craned his neck up and gives his brightest grin. What is he afraid for? This is Lan Zhan! Oh man. He's totally not photogenic... how come the real thing is even more good looking?

Wen Yuan anxiously wriggles in Wei Wuxian's hold. Effectively stealing the two's attention.

"Who." Lan Zhan gestures to the wriggly baby, expression still utterly flat.

So it's not only in the photo, his facial muscles is totally dead! Does he have muscle atrophy or somethjng?

Wei Wuxian can feel his mischievous bone tickled off by that unmoving face. He beams shamelessly and say with utmost confidence. "My kid!"

"....."

"....."

React a bit won't you!!

He waits. "I.."

"......"

"Lan Zhan..."

"......"

"Lan Zhan! Say something would you?! There's no punchline to the joke if you don't react!" They've been standing still like a pair of idiot in the middle of a convenience store for several minutes already! Also hands! How come they're still holding hands? Awkward! Super awkward!

"It's a joke?"

Wei Ying is torn between wanting to laugh his ass off and pulling his hair. This guy! Geez! Truly worthy of the title The Illustrious ID Bro!

"Lan Zhan... of course it's a joke! Do i look like someone who already have a wife and kid!" He awkwardly pull his hand back, letting Lan Wangji's calloused hand drops limply to the side.

Wei Wuxian gestures at Lan Wangji to follow him to the cashier to pay for the drink. By the way, the one who originally ask for a drink looks totally uninterested though? Why is this kid keep looking at Lan Zhan with shiny eyes? Why does he feel so defeated? Ugh.

"The paper." Lan Wangji suddenly say when they already at the outside of the store. "Do you want it."

Wei Wuxian looks at him with a barely concealed glee. "Yeah! Sure! You're carrying it everywhere? Seriously Lan Zhan?"

"No." Lan Wangji replies with a somber look. "Back Home."

Wei Wuxian looks at him in confusion. "Ah, that's fine. We can meet at another time then?"  

Lan Wangji just shakes his head before continues.

"My home is pretty close."

"Eh?" Could it be?

"Come with me."

......

Hmmm. How did it come to this again?

Wei Wuxian is currently sitting in an pristinely furnished living room. In his lap the toddler who causes all this happenings is happily sucking on a thumb without a care of his part time nanny's hidden freak-out.

Even as shameless as he is, he knows internet etiquette 101! First rule on the internet clearly states not to follow a stranger you met on the internet back home! Or maybe it's the second rule? Anyway, if Jiang Cheng heard this, there will be no stopping his lengthy rant about stranger danger!

Ugh! Really! What the hell just happened?

But Lan Zhan looks so upright! And this house is so nice! Probably worth so much more compared to both his kidneys and spleen! Nothing to worry about, right?

You naive idiot! His inner A-Qing chides. Don't you know the ones who looks upright and well off are the freakiest one? Think of Christian Grey!

Alright. Wei Wuxian totally have no idea who the hell is Christian Grey. Probably someone who's up to no good. But this place is so.. nice! And super... bare. Definitely Lan Zhan's home. Would it kills you to add decorations! Everything is either plains or stripes! Also, there's no liquor shelves? Aren't rich ass people usually have a shit ton of liquor cabinet? These are just bookshelves, bookshelves, and oh my God! Another bookshelves!

Lan Zhan already gone upstairs to fetch the exercise paper after telling his guests to wait in the livingroom. Feeling bored, Wen Yuan freed himself out of Wei Wuxian's lap and wobbly walks toward a nearby bookshelves. Better option than letting him drools all over these expensive looking couches, he guess.

Just when he's lulled into a false sense of security, A-Yuan is already on his way to climb over a cabinet and in a flash put something inside his mouth before Wei Wuxian could snatch him.

Shit!

"Hey! Let it out! Spit it!" He shakes the toddler who only giggles while sucking on the unidentified object in his mouth.

"A-Yuan!! Spit. It." He flips the toddler and held him by the ankles just when the front door suddenly opens.

.....

Lan Xichen enter his home to be greeted by the sight of... something.

There's an unknown man in the middle of his livingroom. Holding an unknown toddler upside down.

Child kidnapping!? Lan Xichen thinks

Pedophile? Nie Mingjue thinks.

Whose child is that? Meng Yao thinks.

"Um." Wei Wuxian for once is lost for words.

The four of them squares off silently for minutes. Neither party have an idea of what to say.

".....What the fuck." Nie Mingjue finally voices everyone's thougt.

Suddenly, the small round pebble drops from A-Yuan's mouth to the pristine parquet, staining the surface with drool.

"Brother Xian." Said the root of all problems, still hanging by the ankle. "A-Yuan wants to puke."

In an instant, the adults begin their mad scramble.

"Toilet!" Wei Wuxian yells.

"To your right! No the other right!" Lan Xichen sprints.

"Open the goddamn door!" Nie Mingjue arrived first and kicked the toilet door open.

"The bowl! Put it here!!!" Meng Yao raised the toilet cover.

"Hold it! Hold it for five, no ten seconds!!" Wei Wuxian passed the green faced toddler to Nie Mingjue who passed him to Meng Yao right before the kid barfed successfully into the toilet.

Lan Wangji arrived downstairs to find four grown man and a baby squeezed together inside the livingroom toilet with varying traces of peril on their face.
.....

Chapter Text

.....

Four adults are currently slumped on the toilet floor after successfully completing the great toddler touchdown run. Wei Wuxian snatches back the limp toddler from Meng Yao and slowly pats his back, tletting the rest of half digested goo out of him while the other three looks at each other in silence.

"The fuck did I just do." Nie Mingjue said as soon as he recovers.

"Baby relay?" Wei Wuxian offers only to be glared by the angry meaty dude.

"Also, who the fuck are you." Nie Mingjue growls. "What is wrong with today."

Lan Xichen looks silently at the scene and the unfamiliar youth. His head is already pounding terribly and he barely even had the energy to think anymore.

"Wei Ying."

Four heads races towards the source of the voice to find Lan Wangji standing eerily still like Yama statue at the base of the staircase.

Whaaat. Three people simultaneously thinks. The hell he just said?

The stranger cheerfully shouts back. "Lan Zhan!"

Whaaaaaaaatt. The three looks back at the unfamiliar pretty boy in Horror.

Lan Wangji nods at his stupefied brother. "Brother. Welcome back."

Lan Xichen can only nods back dumbly at that. Head keep swishing between his brother and the unknown guest.

"Is there something wrong?" Lan Wangji asks, still barely moves from his spot.

This whole setting is wrong!

"Lan Zhan, sorry. My kid's sick... Yi, your shirt is stained.. A-Yuan.. Really, you..."

YOUR KID?! The three of them once again synced their thoughts. YOUNG SINGLE DAD?!

"Do you need help?" Showing no sign of surprise from the paternity claim just now, Lan Wangji finally moves. He walking in an unhurried pace towards the crowded toilet.

Wei Wuxian smiles. "Ah, it's fine. Oh, wait, can you get his spare clothing inside my bag?" Wei Wuxian took off A-Yuan's stained sweater while totally oblivious to three pairs of eyes almost bulging out from their socket.

Lan Wangji rummages the black backpack on the sofa without any hesitation and took out a set of clean clothing and wet wipes then hands it over to Wei Ying who accepts it with a grin.

Er-Ge. What's with your brother suddenly reenacting this kind of heartwarming domestic scene?! How the fuck did that walking concrete block even emits this kind of paternal feeling?! Meng Yao very much wants to scream. Lan Xichen, meanwhile looks not much better himself that he seemingly losing the control of his flapping jaw.

This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream. But if this is not a dream then this kid could only be..

He slowly calls, "WiFi?" Eh, wait. Shit, wait. Wangji doesn't know that he's in contact with his friend!

His two friends' eyes got even rounder. The unknown guest, no, Wei Ying/ WiFi turns around and give them an anxious smile.

"Um, hi?"

Wei Wuxian notices the 'oh, shit, TMI' expression on big brother's face and quickly rectifies. "He knows! He already knows! It's ok! Right, Lan Zhan?"

"Mm." Lan Wangji nods solemnly,
The look of displeasure is absent from pale eyes that's still locked at Wei Wuxian's face. Lan Xichen's relief would be so great if only he doesn't feel so incredulous.

And meanwhile, the result of weighing out the current situations makes Wei Ying wants to bury himself somewhere. Preferably in a place without signal reach so nobody can pull him back into civilization!
Talk about bad first impression! This is definitely within the top ten of worst first encounter of the century already!

Looking at mildly distressed face, Lan Wangji took A-Yuan from Wei Wuxian and pulls his arm up only to receive another round of eye popping from the remaining spectators.

Since when did he willingly initiate body contact with other people?

Lan Xichen sobered up and smiles back. Everything is happening too fast and too nonsensical, but goddamn it, watch this brother play along!

"Hello. We haven't been properly introduced, have we? I'm Lan Xichen. Welcome to our home." He mentally congratulates himself for not stumbling on his words.

"Ah, thanks for having me!" The guest beams, showing dimples and rows of white teeth. Yep, totally in line with how he imagined Wangji's friend. Cheerful, bright, and looks quite mischievous despite his youthful face.

"I'm Wei Wuxian. Sorry about the thing just now." He gestures towards the toilet, shifting between his legs with sheepish expression.

"It's alright. Is your.... child okay?" Lan Xichen peers at the toddler, his friends eyes simultaneously follows in curiosity.

"My...." Wei Wuxian slowly processing the question. "Oh my god. Hahahaha! Nonono! I'm just his nanny!!" Wei Wuxian is wheezing. How come people keeps thinking that he knocked someone up? Does he really looks like that kind of douche?

Three people mentally breathes out in relief.

Wei Wuxian takes back Wen Yuan from Lan Wangji's and start wiping the toddler's face. The four others still keeping a raft attention at him, no one really have a full grasp of this unprecedented situation and thus no comment feels barely appropriate?!

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji suddenly says. Wei Wuxian reluctantly looks up from the gymnastics of trying to dress A-Yuan with one hand. "Use the table."

"Hmm. Yeah. Wait, wait, I almost got this." A-Yuan gurgles threateningly, uncomfortable with the twist and pull. Lan Wangji silently picks up the toddler with reprimanding expression and pulls Wei Wuxian by his wrist.

"Wangji? Where are you going?" Lan Xichen is, unable to hold his surprise after watching this whole scene.

"Upstairs." His brother evenly answers, pulling the confused youth behind him.

"Upstairs?"

"My room."

"YOUR ROOM?!" Four people shouts together. Before anyone have the chance to react further, two figures and a baby already out of sight, leaving three grown man congregating in silence on the toilet floor.

"Did your brother get possessed or something?" Nie Mingjue blinks at the stairs.

Meng Yao clears his throat. That's it. That's all excitement he can get for the whole week, or preferably months. "Well. At least we got what we're looking for? Good job everyone?"

Lan Xichen only stares blankly ahead. "I really don't understand what the hell just happened."

......

"You did WHAT?!" Wen Qing who just come back from her shift yells right into Wei Wuxian's face but quickly shuts up remembering A-Yuan that's already tucked up by her brother inside.

"Nn. So, we go to Lan Zhan's room, and he helps me clean the mini Wen up and he tutors me a bit? And then I went back."

Wen Qing eyes him incredulously. This idiot really went for it. What the hell happened to 'Wei Wuxian's Internet relationship guide for dummies'? What the hell happened with the instructions 'avoid IRL meetings'? Also, jumping straight into bring a date back home?! That 'ID Bro' is actually one suave guy!!

Wen Qing squints her eyes "You... did you guys do... anything?"

Anything what? Wei Wuxian looks back at her incredulously. What the hell is she saying? Anyth- oooh, that thing?!

"Wait.. hahahahahaahaha, seriously?!! You think I did the do? With Lan Zhan? Oh my.. hahahahahahaha!!! You.. you're actually saying.. ahahahahaha.."

Wen Qing waits for a long time before Wei Wuxian's laughter subsides into small hiccups.

"Hahaha.. oh fuck.. seriously, don't worry! My chastity is still intact. Oh holy crap.. hahahahaha. You thought that me and Lan Zhan? Hahahahaha.. You... you should see the guy! He's super frigid like a sentient refrigerator! I doubt he knows what sex is!"

"What happened with no IRL meeting rule of yours by the way." She choose to drop the previous topic as quickly as possible. This whole 'ID Bro' thing is totally out of the normal scenario!

Also, since when those two calling each other by their birth name like a pair of besties?! Didn't 'ID bro' usually opts to ignore Wei Wuxian's antics?

But again.. they already doing their back and forth for how many months already and shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. And, the room? The Room?! Since when you bring a stranger from the internet straight to your room?! I mean.. even as socially impaired as ID bro, don't he have any semblance of personal space? It doesn't seems like it though?

"Well.. it's for the papers of course! Also, it's Lan Zhan anyway, so there's no problem!"

Uhh, dude. You only met the guy once, right?

"What about A-Yuan?"

"Hmm? What about him? He's like totally got attached to Lan Zhan!! Even more than to me! Do you believe that!"

Wen Qing lets out a long suffering sigh. Yeah. Whatever, whatever. Wei Wuxian is a goddamn 1,8 metres tall adult who probably got ADHD and a mean roundhouse. He doesn't need Wen Qing to going around and kick every creep's balls for him.

"So, what now? Are you going to meet him again IRL?" She settles and is quite surprised to find a blank look in Wei Wuxian's face.

"Eh, dunno? I mean, I planned to meet him for the exam papers? That's already taken care of, I guess?"

Do I even have any reason to meet Lan Zhan again? I'm pretty sure I'm going to be banned from visiting his house after this.

Wen Qing scoffs. " I won't be surprised if you'll meet him again because of some contrived reasons."

Wei Wuxian's primal instinct somehow gives that warning a thumbs up.

....

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ:Lan Zhan!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Thanks for today!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: that was fun!! (ﾉ ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Sorry about the puking stuff.

蓝忘机：it's okay.

蓝忘机：thank you as well

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: hahahaha, why are you always so formal???

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Anyway, the baby is back on the crib.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Aren't I great at this nannying thing?d(๑꒪່౪̮꒪່๑)b

蓝忘机：you made him puke.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Details!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Thanks for the papers too.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You're pretty great at teaching stuffs as well!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan laoshi~

蓝忘机：I'm glad

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: LOL

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm already at home

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Night, Lan Zhan

蓝忘机：good night, Wei Ying

....

LotusHall Squad Group (63 members)

ShaoYu129: What's with this new group

Shaoyu129: What's wrong with the old one?

♥Xia ♥ : this a new group???

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･:Everyone's here?

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: Alright!! Discuss, my brethren!

Jenny荣：Wait, senior Wei is not here.

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･:That's the whole point of this group

幽King: Is this about that ID bro thing today

徐释隆：Oh man.

徐释隆：this gonna be good

✿ -Clarissa Sun: Wait. What happened?

ShaoYu129: Ah, you didn't came to work today. You missed big time.

✿ -Clarissa Sun: Whatwhatwhat??? Tell me!!!

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: ID bro came in today. With Jin Guanshan's illegimate son.

TigerStrong: WHAT

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･ : Young master went ballistic at the hall. Madam Jin came.

✿ -Clarissa Sun: WHY DID I TAKE THE WEEKDAY SHIFT

老婆婆：Aiya, you youngsters and all your drama.

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: there's more

TigerStrong: THERE'S MORE?!

幽King: I overheard the madam and young master wanted to call their lawyer

♥Xia ♥: OMG WHAT LAWYER??

Fang Arnold ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ:Did he really looking for Wei Bro?

徐释隆：who else?

Fang Arnold ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ: dunno? The miss? I smell conspiracy

Fang Arnold ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ: Why would he look for a man.

⋆*:.｡. 小露露  .｡.:*⋆: Said the guy who's crushing hard on senior Wei.

Fang Arnold ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ:Bitch.

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: Children, be civil or i'll ban yo

费David: Aren't you like, eighteen?

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: I'm also the admin.

ShaoYu129: But why did he look for Senior Wei anyway?

徐释隆：papapa

Jenny荣：*chokes*

-FRIDAY-: HOly shit A-Shi.

-FRIDAY-: What the fuck bro.

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: LOL guys.

12HENRY : So ID Bro is stalking senior Wei to papapa?

⋆*:.｡. 小露露 .｡.:*⋆: HOLY SHIT. What is this? Daytime drama?!

♥Xia ♥: BUT DID YOU SEE THAT ID BRO IS HELLA HOT

♥Xia ♥: IF IT WAS ME, I'M LIKE TAP ME FOREVER ID BRO

ZhuiJiaLing22.5 : PAPAPA ME 4EVER TOO ID BRO

徐释隆: My dude. He got ARMS. He def lifts

老婆婆: if only I'm 30 years younger, i'd tap that.

Jenny荣： Granny Su, what about your husband...

⋆*:.｡. 小露露 .｡.:*⋆: @Arnold Fang ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ go ask ID Bro to share and get your dream 3P

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: You all are naaaasstyy *munches popcorn

TigerStrong: Said the one who reads BDSM novels?

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: who doesn't??

幽King: you guys are crazy AF

幽King: thank god the madam isn't here

Guess again. :虞紫鸳-YunmengHallProprietress.

......

Wei Wuxian already steels himself and determined not to blab about yesterday's fiasco to anyone in Yunmeng. He really doesn't want the whole 'A-Xian is doing dangerous stunt yet again' lecture, thanks.

And then he opens the door to find the whole Jiang clan marching at him with varying shade of distress. Behind them all of the staff is looking at him with full attention and barely concealed pity.

Shit, what did I do?!

Uncle Jiang is looking at him like he found out that Wei Wuxian have cancer. "A-Xian, are you okay? Please tell me if there's something we can do."

What.

Madam Yu levels him with an intense glare. "I told you not to bring your personal problem into our workplace." She stated icily. "You better deal with this as soon as possible."

What problem?? Hellooooo? I have totally no idea what you guys are saying?

Jiang Yanli's eyes are wet and full of worry. "A-Xian, I'm so sorry... I didn't think..."

What the fuck?! Wei Wuxian is positively freaking out now. Why is Shijie crying? What the heck is happening here?

Jiang Cheng snatch him by his hoodie, face totally murderous. "I. Told. You." He grinds his teeth, letting every syllable grates into Wei Wuxian's ear.

Man, you're assuming I have enough memory to remember everything you told me? Tsk, tsk tsk.

"I. Told your dumbass self. Million times. Already." Jiang Cheng hisses threateningly, dragging Wei Wuxian towards the nearby bench and unceremoniously shoved a piece of paper into his face.

Wei Wuxian peers down to find the heavy paper is embellished with the word 'restraining order' in neat block characters and feel the chills crept up his spine.

Shit.

He swallows hard and stiffly tried to paste a smile on his face. "Am I.. getting fired? Oh man, what did I do? Isn't this kinda excessive?"

The Jiangs simultaneously paled at his word, even Madam Yu's mouth is hanging open.

Jiang Cheng is the first one who recovers. "The fuck are you saying?!" He roars angrily. Behind them the rest of the family already collected themselves and looks even more morose.

Uncle Jiang said softly. "A-Xian, nobody is going to make you go away."

Madam Yu rubs her temples with a dark look. "Shouldn't you focus to your current problem than having that kind of moronic ideas?"

Wei Wuxian raises his eyebrow in surprise. "What problem?"

It's the Jiangs' turn to look surprised. Shijie's tears even falls down like tap water already.

Uncle Jiangs shift closer as if trying to coddle him. "A-Xian, it's okay. You don't have to hide it from us. We'll help you as much as we can, okay?"

What problem. Wei Wuxian asks for the nth time. I still have no idea what the fuck is happening.

Jiang Cheng looks like he aged ten years overnight. "Just sign the damn thing already. Or do you need us to call the police?"

"Police?!" Wei Wuxian croaks. "Why the hell I should call the police?"

Jiang Cheng squints. "Well, your stalker def-"

" STALKER??!" Wei Wuxian yells. What the hell? This makes even less sense?? "I don't even have a stalker?!"

Jiang Yanli sobs ,"A-Xian.. I'm sorry..I didn't think he'd came here..."

Who came??? Why is Shijie apologizing?!

"I already told you." Jiang Cheng grind his teeth. "But, noooo. You just stupidly said 'Jiang Cheng you're so paranoid'. Well, now look at this situation!"

Wei Wuxian really had enough of this whatever. Jiang Cheng's embarrassing attempt to mimic his voice doesn't really help either.

"I still don't understand anything you just said." He said sullenly.

Jiang Cheng glares, "Well, what else?! That ID bro guy of course!!!"

".........."

What.

What

"What the fuck."

Jiang Cheng spares no restraints to start rattling off the thing that happened just yesterday. How Yanli accidentally spots the guy at the office tower's lobby. How ID bro somehow showed up in their place, clearly intendeds to sizing up the place and the people here.

Wei Wuxian feels so incredulous by the end of the rant. "That's not ID bro."

Jiang Cheng scoffs. "Who is it then? His evil doppelgänger?"

"No." He answers calmly. "That's probably his brother."

There's no way Lan Zhan came here yesterday. He was already with him for most of the afternoon!

Madam Yu mirrors her son's indignant expression. "Don't be ridiculous! Do you know what you're saying?! This is not a joke!"

Wei Wuxian shoots back. "I'm not joking! I was with him yesterda-" he cuts himself too late and now the whole room already stares at him without blinking. Jiang Cheng's chest doesn't even move.

"What the fuck." Jiang Cheng squeaks after a while. "What the fucking everloving fucking fuck."

"A-Cheng, remember your goddamn language." Madam Yu said a little hypocritically. Jiang Fengmian's face is ashen white, his knuckles keep twitching while Yanli got so surprised that she stopped crying.

"The papapa is real?" Someone in the back whispers a bit too loudly.

......

Little doodles. WWX, y so troublesome to draw ugh

Chapter Text

......

Lan Xichen fills the heated pot with water, letting fragrant steam to waft and filling the air. He sent his friends home last night after he promised them for a thorough follow up.

(No, my brother is not as high as kite, probably. No? Pretty sure love potion isn't real? What do you mean by skin changer?!)

His brother was still on the dazed mood the last time he saw him in the evening, making it inconvenient for him to pry what the hell happened during his barely half a day absence and what the hell happened when they are upstairs.

I should've take A-Yao's offer to eavesdrop on them..Xichen thinks a bit regretfully only to quickly followed by a twinge of guilt. What was he thinking? It's A-Zhan's privacy!

Said brother is leisurely going down the stairs with a notebook in tow. His impassive face glows uncharacteristically under the morning glare.

He looks really happy. Like really, really happy?! What happened with all those previous denials??? Thrown out of the window overnight?

He looks really happy. Like really, really Lan Xichen arranges his face into a smile and greets, "Good morning, Wangji."

"Mmm."

He pours another cup of tea and pass it to his newly seated brother. "You look happy. Is it because of your friend yesterday? Wei Wuxian, right?"

Lan Wangji's finger twitch, only the seasoned brother reader could tell his eyes somehow softens.

"He looks like a good kid." Lan Xichen hums.

Lan Wangji unconvincingly frowns, "He's ridiculous."

The denial is still intact!! Is he shy? My brother's still so cute! Lan Xichen doesn't say it out loud, only appasedly looking at his brother.

"It's good that you have a good friend. What did you two were doing yesterday?" Bonding?

"Reviewing test material."

Alright, scratch scratch! What's with that kind of righteous scenario.

"That's all?" Lan Xichen cannot help but somewhat disappointed.

"Play with A-Yuan."

The baby? Lan Xichen notes. Since when my brother can handle little kids?

The phone on the table suddenly vibrates. Lan Wangji looks and the edges of his mouth turns lax.

Lan Xichen cannot help but peeks. "WiFi?"

"Nn." Lan Wangji opens the chat with practiced ease while the phone wildly vibrates like uncle's massage rod.

"Brother." He said after a while, Xichen is surprised to find his brother's face frozen stiff.

"Yes?" He carefully asks. Is it about the whole yesterday's visit at Yunmeng? He almost forgot all about it because of the following chaos. Oh no. Oh really, very no. He cried a bit inside.

"Did you went somewhere yesterday?" Wangji ask tonelessly.

".... yes."

His brother doesn't follow with another question, only silently passes the phone towards him.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: SOS! SOS!!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan! Emergency!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: щ(ಥ益ಥщ)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: this is kinda your fault too, you know..

蓝忘机：what happened

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: did you know that your brother came to my workplace yesterday??

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: they thought he's you!

蓝忘机：The restaurant?

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: YES!!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: oh man, everyone went crazy!!

蓝忘机：no, i didn't know.

蓝忘机：why?

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: ugghhh

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: my head hurtsssss

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Jiang Cheng is ballistic

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Uncle Jiang looks like he's convinced I got debauched

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: they thought you're stalking me.

Lan Xichen froze at that. He looks up to see his brother face become less expressive than a whiteboard, signing that he's internally freaking out.

Just when he's about to say somethinga the phone trashes again wildly.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I know you're there asshole.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: don't try to hide you fucking assshit

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I don't know what's your deal but I swear to God

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: if you try anything funny I will chop off your dick and shove it to youdbwlanxhasb1337.,? Rectum

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: that was Jiang Cheng, ignore him.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: He's just kind35gwjsbsi

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm fucking serious.

Lan Xichen pales and quickly grabs his phone and open his own profile, typing quickly to WiFi.

蓝壹：Wei Gongzi.

蓝壹：I apologize for the thing yesterday.

蓝壹： it's not Lan Zhan's idea, he doesn't even know.

蓝壹：I can explain!!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: you're the asshole from yesterday.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: with the Givenchy ilk.

The phone is still in the 'Jiang Cheng's hands apparently.

蓝壹：yes.

蓝壹: you're the young man from yesterday?

蓝壹：I apologize, it's not my intention to cause any distress.

蓝壹：I realize that I'm overstepping the bound

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: WTF is with you and your brother

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I sweargsjtgjasbe&$/!3.!../

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: it's alright! It's alright!! It's me again!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: OMG, hahahaha sorry about that.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Ignore Jiang Cheng, he's a sourpuss.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: eh, what? How come you know the Givenchy Twat?

蓝壹：my friend is a relative? I guess?

蓝壹：I assume that 'Givenchy twat' is Jin's son?

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: whoa!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: yepp!! Him!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: the whole clan was strutting around in matching Givenchy jackets during the entirety of highschool.

蓝壹：hahahahaha.

蓝壹：my friend is not like that, though.

蓝壹： you've met him yesterday.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: big and buff or small and shifty?

蓝壹：hahahaha

蓝壹：the small one

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Oh that guy! Hahaha, tell him nice save.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I was afraid the big one was gonna dunk A-Yuan into the toilet

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: btw, JC said he's going to try and be civil, I'm handing the phone to him. Shijie to

蓝壹：alright.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: hello, I'm A-Xian's sister.

蓝壹：hello, sorry for yesterday

蓝壹：it seems that I scared you

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: It's alright. We're just surprised. (JYL)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Were you looking for A-Xian yesterday? (JYL)

蓝壹：yes.

蓝壹：I am sorry.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I KNEW IT YOU SHI- (JC)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: may I ask why? (JYL)

蓝壹：it's my fault, I was just being overprotective of my brother

蓝壹: I was trying to observe his potential friends

蓝壹: It's the first time he's using the dating app

蓝壹: I was worried and gave in to my worst impulses to snoop around

蓝壹: for that I'm sorry.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: LOL. Big brother, do you know that they almost called the cops on you. (WWX)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: You guys are the just the samegsjwbxjmm (WWX)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: what the fuck? Is your brother an elementary schooler or what..(JC)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: alright, it's Jiang Yanli, the sister again. (JYL)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I understand the situation. I'll help to explain to my parents (JYL)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm sorry as well, we've blowing this out of proportion m(-_-)m (JYL)

蓝壹：thank you miss.

蓝壹：Hahahaha, no, it's my fault at the first place.

蓝壹：I'm sorry as well about Madam Jin, I think I somehow offended her?

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: whaatt??? Big Brother? What's with you and them?? (WWX)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I have no idea as well? Is there anything wrong? (JYL)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: it's not because of the illegitimate kid? It's you she got problems with? That's weird??(JC)

蓝壹：I have no idea either.

蓝壹： I'm sorry again

蓝壹：please don't be mad at Lan Zhan. He's awkward but he's a very good kid :)

蓝壹：I'm very happy that you're willing to be his friend.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: I'm the one who's happy, though! Lan Zhan is a super interesting person! (WWX)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: YEAH ABOUT THAT- (JC)

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: hi, yes, this is A-Xian's sister again! :D

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: it's no problem! Sorry as well for bothering you! (JYL)

The Lan brothers is pressing each other side to side in their seat, silently looking at the whole convo with bated breath.

"Alright." Lan Xichen takes a deep breath in. "At least we're out of the red."

"Mm." Wangji nods, his face still taut as a bowstring.

"Wangji, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Lan Xichen remorsefully says.

"Mm."

"I don't think Wei Gongzi is still angry at you. I'll help you to apologize again later."

"It's alright."

Suddenly buzz of a phone crashes the sence again, making the both brothers scrambling for their phone only to find Lan Wangji's phone is the one that's buzzing.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Lan Zhan quick!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: give me your wechat ID!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Jiang Cheng is trying to delete my profile and the app!!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: come onnnn!!

蓝忘机：hold on.

Lan Xichen watches his brother uncharacteristically scrambles to send his WeChat id. Finally adding a name to the barely two digit contacts list on his phone. Did they seriously haven't exchanged their ID after these months of regular contact? And somehow they're already in the 'bring into my room' stage? Lan Xichen's head is threatening to throb again.

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: alright! Added!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: Ur the best!!

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: alright, see you later

Wi-Fi ʅ(*´◡`)ʃ: gotta work to eat!

蓝忘机： Good luck.

......
15 minutes before.

"You WHAT."

"As I just said." Wei Wuxian plays with the hem of his work apron, ignoring the searing gazes from everyone present. "Why are you guys making such a big deal about this?? I'm a big as fuck grown man, for god's sake! Majority of the China's population barely reaches my armpit! No one's stupid enough to threaten my chastity or something?"

Jiang Cheng runs his hand over his hair and spat. "What the fuck happened with 'Internet guide for dummies' of yours, hah? Did you suddenly got dumber that you dropped it all in one go?!"

Wei Wuxian shields himself from the spit flying along with the scream and winces. "Are you sure you and Wen Qing is not related? You guys said the exact same thing."

"That woman have brains and you don't." Jiang Cheng glares at the spectators and makes them scurries away to their own stations while keeping their ears wide. "Why did you fucking think that following a freaky stranger to his home AND his room is a good idea to do?!"

"Lan Zhan is not freaky!! Besides, it's for study purposes! Don't you feel proud of me for taking that seriously for once?!" Wei Ying splutters indignantly, feeling the need to defend Lan Zhan's tarnished honor. Somehow that draw a gasp from surrounding people, who one again eyes him with hot gazes from all direction.

Jiang Yanli softly asks "A-Xian.. is Lan Zhan ID Bro's birth name?"

"Enn... yeah?"

Jiang Cheng looks one step away from having a stroke. "Since when did you call him that?"

"Mentally or physically or in chats?" He asks.

"Oh my fucking god." Jiang Cheng fumes. "Oh my fucking God, you were flirting with him all along!!!"

" I DID NOT?!!" He screams in horror.

"Well! Maybe he thought you did!!!!!"

Wei Wuxian eyes him with dubious look. "Whatever. That's a stupid idea and you're stupid." He said while taking out his phone, ignoring the pointed look from people. He needs to recitify the situation to Lan Zhan! Ugh, geez... what a mess.

How did it came to this....

Jiang Cheng launch himself to Wei Wuxian's side in a record speed and successfully snatches his phone. "Who are you texting."

His eyes squints when he saw the chat and types furiously and dodges before Wei Wuxian could wrestle back the phone.

Shit. He pales. Oh shit. I'm so fucked.

.....

Thanks to Shijie, the whole conversation somehow ends up in a quite a civil note. On less positive note, Jiang Cheng hasn't given up the idea to raze his social media account and absolutely livid that somehow he managed to obtain Lan Zhan's precious WeChat ID.

Oh man.

He also used that godawful pass photo as his profile picture here too?!

.......

By the time the break time arrives, the other employees instantly let go of their restraint and ganged on him shamelessly with a boatload of non-questions.

"Bro Wei! Did you just-"

"OMG! ID bro is soo-"

"Are you two-"

"Hey? Does he have a-"

Before Wei Wuxian even have a chance to respond the back door suddenly slammed open with a loud bang, effectively shut everyone's mouth.

Wei Wuxian fully expects Jiang Cheng to appear and hollers at him, unfortunately the one standing at the door is a whole set of other problem in branded gears.

"Wei Wuxian." Jin Zixuan lets out his signature 'talking to you but doesn't acknowledge you' tone.

Wei Wuxian takes in the newcomer's 'fashionably slouching' posture with distaste. "Are you seriously wearing a Gucci hat unironically?"

Jin Zixuan practically ignores the sentence and strides in with flourish. "I need to see Jiang Yanli."

Givenchy twat. Wei Wuxian curses inside his head. Slipslipslipslip go slip please!

"Shijie's not here. She doesn't have work today." Which, you would know if you're trying to pay attention to her!

Jin Zixuan pauses and finally turn his attention to seething Wei Wuxian. "I heard." He starts, sounding a little bit unsure. "I heard...my half brother came here yesterday."

Everyone turns even more silent at that, even Wei Wuxian cannot even guess where this conversation is going.

"Half.. brother?"

Ugh!! Big brother Lan! Warn me a little! Relative, my ass! I'm so not cut to meddle into some family drama!

Jin Zixuan still standing stiff, his previous tastefully lax posture tenses. "Yes. I heard he brought...a...friend."

Wait, whaaaat?? Is this still about 'ID bro who's not exactly ID bro'?

"So I heard?" Wei Wuxian's head turns into an even jumbled mess. His face is still impassively looking into the usually haughty face of Jin Zixuan which right now is folding into an anxious mess.

Jin Zixuan continues to fish for answers, completely unaware of dubious look everyone's giving him. "I heard he's looking for someone."

Yeah!! Me!!

"....."

Taking a sharp inhale, Jin Zixuan steels himself and shot his ultimate question. "Did he found what he was looking for?" Did he meet with Maiden Jiang?!

"....."

What the fuck is happening. Why the fuck you of all people got involved by this whole ID bro saga? Why the hell do you even care?! You don't even acknowledge I exist most of the time?!! Why the fuck are you suddenly turns into this kind of shameless gossip monger?!

After a while, Wei Wuxian managed to answers with utmost difficulty, "..... Yes."

Jin Zixuan feels like a thunder just dropped into the top of his head, making his legs feel faint. Meanwhile the bystanders who has been raptly watching the whole saga are making an array of faces behind Wei Wuxian's back.

Jin Zixuan steadies himself enough to staggers out of the door with a haggard look, barely saying anything before he disappears to the outside, leaving a room full of dumbfounded people.

"....."

"....."

"Alright!" Wei Wuxian claps cheerfully. "Nothing to see here! Chop chop people!"

Weird things should be left just as it is! Moving on!

......

Chapter Text

......

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Hi!
Hahaha, this feels weird
First WeChat session!
Take my first, Lan Zhan! ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

蓝忘机
Shameless
Back from work?

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Hahahahaha
Yeah!
What a day....
ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ

蓝忘机
I'm sorry about that

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
What for??
Actually, it's kind of funny.
Oh man.. everyone was freaking the hell out
Your brother is very popular here!! Hahaha

蓝忘机
Sorry.

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Anyway
What are you doing today?
Like, what do you usually do on your day off?
Xianxian's curious (ര௰ര)

蓝忘机
Reviewing coursework, finishing assignment
Listening to music with brother
Cleaning the house

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Alright, stop
Hearing that makes me feel ancient( ੭눈 _ 눈)੭

蓝忘机
What do you expect me to do

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
..... not.. that?
Lan Zhan.. are you even living your live?

蓝忘机
My life is adequate

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
WTF adequate live even means?
Oooopsi no swearing. Does that rule still apply on Wechat?
ANYWAY
have you ever go out to eat? Play? KTV? Watch movies? Disneyland???

蓝忘机
I can cook for myself
What is KTV?

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
（ノ－＿－）ノ・・・~~~┻┻
（ノ－＿－）ノ・・・~~~┻┻
Forget I ask.
Alright! Alright!
Lan Zhan, when are you free?

蓝忘机
Why?

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
This brother is going to take you to eat out!!
It's my treat!
Seriously, Lan Zhan, you need to go out more!

蓝忘机
You don't have to.

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Come oonnn
You're like the fifth person on my whole life that I've treated.
Only five!
Feel honored or something, won't you?

蓝忘机
Your salary is important
Don't waste money.

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Well, my tests is also important!
The papers helps a lot!
So this is a thank you for that

蓝忘机
You don't need to thank me

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Ugghhh
Okay, then this is not as thanks!
This is me asking you to go out as friends
Let's eat hot pot!!
It'll be tasty and cheap!
Is Wednesday OK? I'm free after 3 PM

蓝忘机
I don't mind

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
ლ(*꒪ヮ꒪*)ლ
Okay!! Wednesday then!
Does this count as second date ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)
LOL
Hahahahaha I'm joking!
Don't be mad, Lan Zhan!!

(7:38 PM)

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

Hello? I can see that you already read my chat

(7:45 PM)

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

Lan Zhan??
Say something!!

(7:57)

蓝忘机
yes.

....

Wen Qing very much want to choke the stupid out of this clueless idiot. Fortunately the sentiment is not hers alone.

”You. You invited him out?" Jiang Cheng spells ominously, fist gripping the hems of Wei Wuxian's shirt. "YOU're the one who invited him out?!!"

Jiang Cheng's voice raises one octave with every syllables, by the end of his point he's practically yowling like a horny cat. "WhAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN???!"

"Hey, chill out a bit." Wen Qing covers her ringing ear with one hand and her brother's with other.

Not that it makes any difference since Wen Ning is already reacting with a mixture of ulcer pain and mental anguish on his very person.

Jiang Cheng squints evilly at her. "You stay out of this."

"And YOU!!" His head whips back at unperturbed face of his idiot, soon to be dead, social stain of a brother. "You are forbidden! Interdicted!! Vetoed!! You're definitely not going to meet up with that 'ID bro'!"

Jiang Cheng spells out that last word with utter repulsion. Looking at that, Wei Wuxian only looks lazily and smiles.

"Baby A-Cheng. I'm technically older than you. So, your 'order' is... hmm..vetoed?" The corners of Wei Wuxian's lips curls up like a cat who got the cream, completely ignoring a whole lot of homicidal aura directed at him.

"Xian gege knows you'll get lonely.. but adults gonna get a nice night out doing adult things, okay?"

At that, Jiang Cheng practically jumps back in disgust, releasing his hold like his hand got burned. 

"As much as these new development amuses me." Mianmian pipes in. "Seriously? You're jumping to third base already? Hold your thirst, you fiend."

Wei Wuxian makes a face. "What thirst. The 'going to his home' thing is all because of the baby Wen. We even baptized Lan Zhan's toilet with friendship puke, what's romantic about that??"

The Wen siblings turns to him in synchronized stink eye. "Who puked." Wen Qing growls.

Wei Wuxian easily lies. "Me?"

"Aaanyway. You guys sure you're not gonna join us?" Wei Wuxian looks around only to meet the uninterested gaze from around him.

Mianmian said. "Sorry, part time job."

Wen Qing looks at him with exasperated sigh. "Our Granny's still in hospital, remember?"

"Oh right." Wei Wuxian replies dumbly. He looks around the table only to meet a whole bunch of apologetic stare. "And you guys? Seriously? Everyone's busy?"

Jiang Cheng is still vehemently ranting. "Cancel it! Cancel! What are you going to do? Two idiots eating together like a date?"

.....

Jiang Yanli give up the urge to scratch her itchy, wig covered head. Legs pacing hurriedly alongside his brother in this not so covert chase.

They are currently 100 metres behind A-Xian's figure, dodging bypassers and hiding amongst the city crowd while tailing their wayward brother ('s date. Let's not mention that last part to A-Cheng).

Jiang Cheng pales when he saw Wei Wuxian got into a restaurant with distinct red facade. "Oh fuck my rectum. It's that asshole torcher place again."

Somehow he's overcome with sympathy and the need to hold a vigil to ID Bro's digestive tract's future state.

Jiang Yanli feels her posterior also screaming all kinds of warning at the sight of the familiar restaurant but braces herself and drags her brother in, still hiding from A-Xian's sight.

They picked a table hidden by patterned wood divider, effectively covering their figures but providing a clear view to Wei Wuxian's table.

Jiang Cheng whispers to her sister as soon as they are seated. "Where's the other loser?"

Jiang Yanli shushes him and eyes the entrance intently. After them a group of people are sitting in front, waiting to be seated, making the front desk quite crowded.

Jiang Cheng agitatedly touching the bumblebees embroideries on his hat. Maybe he should douse this stupid thing with bug spray.

"I can't believe I'm wearing this stupid hat. How many hat does that Givenchy idiot owns?!"

Jiang Yanli only smiles blandly at him and adjusts her lensless glasses. "Do you want to exchange with my wig? I think this is supposed to be for cosplay... It's so itchy.."

"Besides, we should thank him for lending you the hat and the jacket. I don't understand why he's so enthusiastic about it though..." her words drifted off when she saw a really, really suspicious figure walking through the front door and loiter cluelessly near the front desk.

Despite the warm weather outside, the man (?) is wearing a heavy outer coat and muffler. His towering height stands out among the crowd and so does his plainly hideous John Lennon sunglasses.

The Jiang sibling looking at each other, feeling slightly better about their own ridiculous getup.

We're not... that bad.

The man turns to find an employee, showing his side profile and his nose peeking above his scarf. The Jiang siblings froze at that. That side profile is so familiar!

The guy in suspicious getup makes no move to seek Wei Wuxian, only shiftily trying to blend in amongst the crowd and attempting to shrink himself.

"Oi, The fuck is wrong with the weirdo?" Jiang Cheng wants to beat the guy up already.

Jiang Yanli watches the stranger with absolute marvel. Just when she wants to reply to her brother, another figure enters and effectively leaving them at loss for words.

ID Bro!

Jiang Yanli stammers out weakly, "Ah.. ah, what.."

"Evil doppelgänger!" Jiang Cheng hisses, looking at the pristine looking man with ID Bro's face and then to the suspicious counterpart, shrinking behind a beam.

The newly arrived copy of ID bro quickly spots Wei Ying who waved at him cheerfully and strides straight across the room, not noticing the coated figure he just passed.

Yanli recovers fast enough and deduces the situation. "Could it be.. it's the brother?"

Apparently ID bro's brother have the same idea as them. Jiang Cheng's eyebrow twitch in annoyance. "Why the hell he dresses up like a reject extra in spy movies. Also, the idiot's cover gonna be blown in no time."

"Do you think he'd be found out?" Jiang Yanli darts between the man in coat and his brother and his 'date'.

To her surprise, Jiang Cheng jumps off his seat and walks resolutely towards the 'not ID bro', making his 'unreasonable in-laws' face all the way down.

He stops in front of the stunned guy and said in a low voice before turns around dramatically. "And I thought you're done with snooping around."

He definitely inherits mother's flair. Jiang Yanli absently thinks.

The man's eyes glint beneath the shitty sunglasses and lets out a relieved sigh, trailing behind the tacky jacket wearing teenager happily.

"Why are you following me." Jiang Cheng glares at him, realizing he'd been followed into their table.

The not ID bro smiles helplessly and answers. "I don't really know this area." Lan Xichen notices the prime view of his brother's seat from where they are and moves down and gestures politely to the seat on Jiang Yanli's side.

Seeing that, Jiang Cheng completely forgot their need of discretion and barks. "Get away from my sister! Out! Out!"

"A-Cheng! Shussh! Shushh! A-Xian might hear!"Jiang Yanli waves her hand in panic.

At that, Jiang Cheng quiets down and glances at still unaware Wei Wuxian who's currently trying to explain how to order using his phone to impassive looking ID bro. He looks back in relief only to find the ID bro who's not ID bro wilted and standing still in his wacky getup, looking like a sad overcooked celery and finds a little pity in his heart.

"...you can...sit. Here. If you want." He grinds his teeth, seeing the stranger perks up and obediently not taking the seat beside his sister.

"We probably.. should order something..." Jiang Yanli said, fighting her self preservation instinct to forget the aftermath of the last time they ate here.

Jiang Cheng grimaces as well as he begin scrutinizing the menu for the least diarrhea inducing options and once again gives a mental pat to the brother of the man sitting obliviously beside him.

......

Not long after, a waiter comes with glasses of water, a pen and sheets of pink and white paper. Jiang siblings inhaled sharply and mentally bracing their heart while Lan Xichen curiously scanning the paper.

He looks up in surprise, glancing at the stiff faced siblings questioningly. "Is this a waiver? Why would they give us a waiver?"

Lan Xichen is shocked to find pity directed at him in the eyes of the grouchy young man. Jiang Cheng said bitterly. "Of course they gave us a waiver. How else is this goddamn place still standing all this time without getting sued at least ten times a day?"

Jiang Yanli's eyes are still closed shut while she mouths something that definitely sounds like a Buddhist sutra. Seeing his confusion, Jiang Cheng asks. "Did you even read this store's name when you get in?"

"..Nnnn.. no? Why?" Lan Xichen feels the shudder suddenly touching the base of his spine. Bad premonition somehow nudges his consciousness, dancing at the corner of his eyes.

Jiang Cheng opens the menu with plain black cover and taps at the gaudy characters on the top of the page with a grim expression.

'Ghost Reaper Chili's Purgatory Pot- Butt Clenching Spiciness!! Spicy When Enters, Spicy When Gets Out!!!'

Lan Xichen's feels his posterior involuntarily clench in response.

......

Oh man, pretty people are so unfair.

Wei Wuxian amusedly looking at apathetic face in front of him. Even among this many people Lan Wangji definitely stands out big time, drawing glances from passing waiters and diners around them. That very same face is currently boring holes at him, making him feels like a specimen under a microscope.

Pretty people is so unfair. Wei Wuxian thinks again. How come that scary gaze can make his heart speed up a little faster? Pretty people are so frightening!

He flippantly smiles and said. "So, Lan Zhan. First time eating hot pot? Seriously?

Lan Wangji only nods once. "Nn."

"Alright!" He claps his hand and grins. "Leave it to me then! This brother is going to give you your first and best eating out experience!"

Wasting no time, he scans out the barcode on the table and leans forward, crossing the table to show Lan Wangji the online menu on his phone.

Wei Wuxian clicks this and that, several times asking Lan Wangji for approval only to be constantly answered with short hum.

Not long, the waiter comes with their order. Wei Wuxian eagerly eyes the steaming pot filled with glistening red broth, dumping the meatballs and vegetables into the boiling soup.

"Aand, now we wait!" Setting aside the empty containers, Wei Wuxian beams at his companion.

Fiddling with his chopsticks, he looks at Lan Wangji's straight posture and overcome by a sudden idea popping out in his head. "Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. How come you keep using the same pass photo as your profile pic?"

Lan Wangji's pale eyes doesn't show anything, still blinking evenly from behind the prickling steam of chili broth. "What's wrong with that?"

Rolling his eyes dramatically, Wei Wuxian moans. "Lan Zhan! You're so wasting readily available resources on your face! It hurts my conscience!!"

Seeing Lan Wangji's indignant blankness, Wei Wuxian's clicks his tongue and takes out his phone.

"Okay. I guess you're not a selfie guy. I get it. Totally gets it." Lan Wangji shifts imperceptibly in his seat, looking at the scheming face and nimble hands fiddling with the phone. "But again, I'm a concerned citizen, set to righting the wrong! Be a good boy and help me?"

He starts."Wei Ying-"

At that Wei Wuxian smile grow wider. "Shush, Lan Zhan, I'm looking for angles!"

He said again, sterner. "Wei Ying."

Wei Wuxian glances at him with concentrated look, his dark eyes unusually serious, he said. "Wait."

Sound of shutter clicks and after that follows the return of the signature smile to Wei Wuxian's face. "Done! Oh my, I really outdone myself this time! Lan Zhan, look! Isn't that a really good photo? You look really nice here!"

He jumps off his seat and shamelessly lands on the seat across, pressing at still frozen Lan Wangji and slung his arm casually to show the photo.

At the spying table, Lan Xichen chokes on his water. Jiang Cheng just faintly make a dying goat noise with disgust clearly written on his face.

Wei Wuxian, totally oblivious to their nosy spectators is still happily showing his photographic achievements to stiffened Lan Wangji. "See? This is called maximizing your potential! Here, I'll send you this photo! Use this for your profile, would you?"

".....Nnn."

"Hahahaha, what's with that dubious reaction? You'd think that I'm telling you to elope with me!" Wei Wuxian shakes off his casually strewn arm and retreats back to his own seat with a grin.

......

The fuck are they doing. Oh my god, I'm gonna dunk that idiot to this unholy liquid.. Jiang Cheng grinds his teeth for the nth of times

Lan Xichen no longer knows if the tears on his eyes and clogs in his throat are from all of these spicy steam or from his inability to follow where this all eventually goes. Either way, he just wants to cry.

Jiang Cheng noticed the peril beside him and calls. "Hey, evil doppelgänger."

Me? Lan Xichen jumps.

He politely smiles despite the sorry state of his current self. "...My name is Lan Xichen."

"Whatever, not like i'd remember that." Jiang Cheng only scoffs, adjusting his silly hat. If nothing, at least he can return this sorry excuse of a hat drenched in capsicum steam and let that Givenchy twat wears it afterwards and bald himself dry.

"Don't you carry that stupid muffler? Wear that around your nose. Stop coughing, people is going to think you have TBC."

"Oh. Right. Many thanks!" Lan Xichen scrambles and wrap the shawl around his face. Passing waiter who saw that silently got reminded at bank robbers.

......

Back at the spied on seat, Wei Wuxian experimentally scoops the broth and happily finds it's done cooking.

"Mm. This should be okay. Here, i'll get you some!" He fishes piece of radish and meatball and put it on Lan Wangji's bowl proudly.

Lan Wangji looks a little bit dubiously at the red soaked pieces before he moves his chopstick to pick it up and put it into his mouth.

Lan Xichen: Nononono A-Zhan!! Don't don't!

And chokes.

Wei Wuxian's eyes blown wide in panic, scrambling to pass water to the shaking figure.

"Stop! Stop! Don't chew! Spit it out! Lan Zhan, spit!" He jumps out, holding his palm in front of Lan Wangji's face. Despite the coughing, Lan Wangji resolutely refuse to open his mouth and somehow managed to swallow it successfully.

Wei Wuxian looks at him with astonishment and guilt, finally realizing the fuck up on his part.

Ugh. Shit. I guess Jiang Cheng is right and I'm really an incorrigible dumbass.

Meanwhile Lan Wangji already regains his somber bearing, showing no trace of his perilous state and readying himself to pick the remaining piece. Wei Wuxian pales at that gesture and quickly snatch Lan Wangji's chopstick.

"Alright, stop. I said first and best, not traumatic experience." He rises from his seat and walks out to the stumped Lan Wangji's confusion.

"Wei Ying?" He asks.

"Lan Zhan. Wait here, okay? I'll be back soon." He smiles and rushes out. He turns back once he almost reaches the exit and shouts. "Don't eat any of that, okay? Wait for me!"

Lan Wangji stares at the retreating figure silently. He looks back at the bubbling red pot and pieces still left in his bowl. He reach back for his snatched chopsticks and picks a piece to his mouth.

Three people looks at the scene with a mixture of awe and horror, watching the still figure shivers when the bright red meatball enter his mouth, clenching and unclenching his hand with distress as he swallows down the offending food.

".....What." Jiang Cheng mumbles in disbelief. "What is he doing? Self flagellation?"

Jiang Yanli tears up, feeling thoroughly touched. "What a good kid!"

Lan Xichen blinks hard with so much emotion. He's at loss for words.

Unfortunately the spying had to came to halt when they realize they have their own share of food to consume and everyone looks at each other with wary.

Clearing his throat, Jiang Cheng begins to stir the pan and takes out a piece to his bowl. Others doubtfully follow, taking smallest pieces they can found.

Just when she puts a small slice of lotus root, Jiang Yanli coughs terribly, face red and pained.

Jiang Cheng quickly passes her his own box of strawberry milk with panic and waits for her coughs to subside before saying. "Jie, stop eating. I'll eat your share."

Jiang Yanli weakly mutters with teary eyes. "No, no. I'm o-okay. A-Cheng, you don't need to.."

"Jie, it's alright. It's not like I plan to sit tomorrow.." he grimaces, not entirely lying. Tomorrow there's no lecture to attend and he barely got time to sit when he's supervising workers at the kitchen.

Lan Xichen is looking at the grumpy youth in newfound admiration. What a good kid! Seriously, between his brother and this kid, today's youth are so brave!

"He's right, miss Jiang." He says to still shaking Yanli. "You don't have to force yourself. I'll help to finish this as well."

Jiang Cheng clearly doesn't appreciate the sentiment and glares at the person sitting beside him. "You stay out of this. Besides, what even are you? You look like an office chump. What are you planning to do tomorrow? Floating your ass up on the air? Squatting through the day?"

What a good kid! Lan Xichen once again gives a mental thumbs up. That vocabulary though.. I wish it's more PG...

......

After a while, Wei Ying barges through the door and return to the table with assortments of boxes and containers.

He beams at unmoving Lan Zhan, barely shifts from when he left him unceremoniously. "I'm back and you have to eat these!"

He shoves a box of round dumplings with crispy golden bottom to Lan Wangji and moves to open the other boxes.

"And this is also good! This one too. Alright, forget this hot pot, I'll finish it myself!"

Lan Wangji frowns and rebukes. "You don't have to."

Seeing at the worried tint at Lan Wangji's usually unperturbed face, Wei Wuxian can only laughs. "Ahahahaha, Lan Zhan, don't make that face! This is like eating rice to me! They put my name behind the cashier and gives me regular's discount here!"

Lan Wangji doesn't look appeased, seeing that Wei Ying just opens a colorful paper bag and takes out a cup of purple drink with white foam floating on top.

"And here's for you! lánméizhī (蓝莓汁 blueberry juice）for lánwàngjī (蓝忘机)!!"

At the three person table.

"A.. aaawww.. that's very sweet, A-Xian."

*retching and coughing from the spicy food and nausea*

Red! His earlobe is so red! Wangji, fight!

Lan Wangji takes the cup gingerly, cold fingers brushing at the touch. "Nn."

Wei Wuxian is back at nursing the fiery pot and casually chewing through the spicy bits. He glances at the pretty face sipping awkwardly at the tall cup.

"Ai, Lan Zhan. You're supposed to take that little cap there if you want the snowy foam. That drink is currently super popular, you know? I had to flirt with the cashier so they'd serve your order first."

Lan Wangji stills and back at looking at him impassively. "You shouldn't done so."

At that, Wei Ying only nudges at him playfully. "Don't be so stiff! It's not like I can wait too long for it am I? I have to go back to you as soon as possible!"

Lan Wangji neither looks placated or angry, just back at sipping his drink in slow pace.

"You like it?" Wei Wuxian looks at the expressionless face with satisfied smirk, his face feels a little hot from running around and exposed to the steam from the pot.

Lan Wangji looks at him back. "Nn."

Feeling mischievous, Wei Wuxian swings his legs under the table to nudges at Lan Wangji's, eliciting a faint jolt. Grinning widely, he nudges again and tangling their legs, this time with no reaction.

"Aw." He drawls. "React a bit, won't you Lan Zhan."

At that Lan Wangji's eyebrow twitch and he resumes to eat neatly, not even a drop spilled from the soup inside the crispy dumplings.

How admirable! Pretty people eats prettily!

......

"Why." Jiang Cheng said amidst of his coughing fit. "Why is that those two chumps emitting that kind of strange vibes?"

I'd like to know that too. Lan Xichen thinks as he painfully swallows a chunk of potato. His nose is uncharacteristically runny but he tried to persevere in silence like a Catholic seeing the person beside him even more heroically takes more portion and chugging milk without a break.

Jiang Yanli glances between her two brothers with a complicated expression. "They looks like they're having fun. They seems to be good......... friends?"

Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes. "I never play footsie with any of my friends."

........

This blueberry cheese tea. My bane of existence.

 This ugly thing. Pray for JC

Chapter Text

....

The sky is already darkens when they got out from the store. Normally he'd take the person who's going out with him to someplace else, game center maybe, or looking at random shop. Well, tomorrow's not a holiday and this is Lan Zhan who apparently think studying is his life goal and had to get his beauty sleep at 9, so he cannot help but give up the plans this time.

Wei Wuxian turns to the inscrutable poker face and smiles. "That was fun, wasn't it?" Minus the almost choked to death part and my unfortunate choice of restaurant?

"Nnn." Lan Wangji obliges, still not changing his expression.

Feeling somewhat spurred by the lack of reaction, Wei Wuxian decides shamelessly to press on his luck. "So, Lan Zhan." He purrs closer, leaning on Lan Wangji's sholder.

"Does this count as a successful second date? Do i get a kiss now?" He wants to explode to laughter when he feel the stiffening of Lan Wangji's arm under his.

Lan Wangji doesn't lash out as he predicted he would, only sounding slightly impatient. "Don't be shameless."

Wei Wuxian laugh himself sick, totally unaware of a the group exiting from the store behind them, dragging a struggling man with garish jacket to the other direction.

.......

HuaLu-2018 Law Undergrad Group (32 members)

明熟：GUYS

明熟：GUYS CHECK OUT THE GROUP ROSTER.

Selina 鋈：What?

明熟: CHECK THE PHOTOS.

明熟: IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING

Jason: Wait, let me check.

阿缀：there's still 32 people here right?

明熟：Just go and check it! GO GO!

玫瑰-Rose: OMG

Black-Dragon-Lord: ?!?!!????!!!! It's gone!!!

Jason: I didn't find anything?

Hou TianYi: BRO. HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE THAT IT'S GONE

YuE: The pass photo's gone?!!!!!

玫瑰-Rose: CLASSMATE LAN CHANGED HIS PROFILE PICTURE AAAAHHHH

Jason: WAAIITT SHITT IT'S TRUE

Hou TianYi: HOW?!

Hou TianYi: IT LOOKS NORMAL

Selina 鋈: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NORMAL

Selina 鋈: THAT'S VOGUE WORTHY

*ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚: Take my hand. Take my whole life too

✼张茉莉✼*¨：I've ascended

李困：Girls. girls. Hold your boners.

Kathleen Qi: Hello, you guys. He's still in this group, right?

YuE: Pretty sure he blocked us long ago.

Longtao Xue: Damn, who took that pic?

Longtao Xue: That's some skill.

李困: His GF?

玫瑰-Rose: I KNOW RIGHT. GOLDEN COMBINATION. MY NOSE'S STILL BLEEDING

玫瑰-Rose: NO LI YUNKUN. DO NOT CRUSH MY DREAM

Selina 鋈: Shut up classmate Li.

Selina 鋈: This is why you're single.

李困：WTF you crazy women.

李困：You guys got no chance with that ice block.

Jason: hahahaha, trueee

Jason: Anyway, how the hell classmate Lan even got himself a GF

Jason: Pretty sure he hates the humanity as a whole.

明熟：Guys. Let's hold a vigil for the iconic pass photo

明熟：he may have passed, but it'll remain still in our heart

LawSchool-宁绿棉：Students, you guys realize that this is a faculty monitored group right?

✼张茉莉✼*¨：Sorry, teacher

明熟：Sorry teacher.

(8:16 PM)

LawSchool-宁绿棉： HOT as hell YEah.

*ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚: What.

LawSchool-宁绿棉：Sorry wrong group.

LawSchool-宁绿棉：please ignore.

.......

Actually it's not supposed to be quite an auspicious celebration, it's just the Jin's insistence and boasted to have invited 'Everyone who matters' that makes this whole affair feels more overblown than it supposed to be. If fact there are barely a tenth of the attendees who think the occasion is something to be celebrated with this scale.

Jiang Yanli fixes the delicate creases on her dress for the sixth time after they arrived, feeling slightly envious to her brothers who managed to convince their parents to let them stay backstage and handling the whole catering staff. Meanwhile, as per usual, her mother wastes no time to dress her in beautiful but uncomfortable gowns and drags her to another stilted exchange with the Jin family.

Admittedly, she's feeling quite good about Jin Zixuan these days after the latter freely lent the disguise set they used the other day and he didn't even get mad at them for returning it fully drenched in the smell of of chili and pain.

Not long, the crowd around them got parted like the red sea, letting the hostess of the party passes through dramatically. She's wearing an omelette colored dress with long trails hanging behind her, sweeping the floor just like a makeshift roomba.

"A-Li! Your dress is stunning! Ziyuan Jie, yours too! Is that Jill Sanders?" And here's the brand name drop. Jiang Yanli can only blinks and smile.

"Good evening, auntie." Yanli takes in the glamorous outfit and makeup and somehow managed to notice the unusually tight expression on Mrs. Jin's face and the strain of her smile. She weighs whether to bring that up while her mother takes the reins and chats with their hostess politely.

Having nothing to do, she fiddles with dress, looks around to find one of her brother probably running around and refilling food stations somewhere.

Unfortunately, while most waiters are familiar to her, her brothers are still nowhere in sight. But wait, why are these people keep glancing at the same direction, though? She follows their line of sight and feels her heart almost stop.

Eh, this feels familiar. Did I just have a deja vu?

No it's not! Those two standing near the pillars are definitely ID bros!

One of the ID bro looks up in time to let their gazes meet and instantly lets out a wide smile.

Ah, it should be the brother. Lan... Xichen, right? She smiles back and waves lightly. They somehow already grown a sense of camaraderie from having to eat the same pot of menace. Nothing nurses your friendship than having the common goal, you know! Friends who suffer together stuck together!

Lan Xichen moves forward to meet her. His brother (A-Xian's ID bro, her mind supplies) trailing one pace behind.

Yu Ziyuan noticed her daughter's sudden activity and paused her conversation. Holy Cow, why that guy again?

Why is he keep popping around anywhere like Starbucks store? She thinks somewhat dubiously.

Also, since when her daughter got so buddy-buddy with the guy she almost slap with a restraining order, of all people?

She darts around to find either that husband of hers or the chaos bearer of a brat and found none, silently prays for it to stay this way.

Madam Jin definitely notices the sudden quiet and look up to find her current nightmare in flesh, familiarly greeting her dream daughter. And whaaaat, there are two?! Whyyy?? Did that evil spawn of her husband managed to clone the threat to torment her?!!

Courtesy be banned, the hostess of the party is now grudgingly glaring at the two (taller than my son!) young men.

Who invited them?! Oh, what question is that. Of course it's me?! I'm the one who wrote the guest list! But who the heck are they? I don't remember putting 'handsome asshole' on my list! They must be representing someone else.. Who the fuck..

Hmm, wait a second.

Why does those pretty as fuck face somehow reminds her of something unpleasant she met just recently? Something that feels like a certain two legged crustacean? Something that involves lots of bureaucracy red tapes and the urges to bang something to the wall, preferably her own head.

Let's add 30 years, oppressive vibes, and fold the forehead carefully like you'd do a jiaozi. And while we're at it let's add mustache and oiled goatee. Aaand.. holyfuck it's..

"District attorney Lan!!"

Two picturesque brothers simultaneously turns their head at the yowl. The scene would be pretty aesthetically awesome. For Madam Jin's heart though, it feels like she just saw the twins from the shining looking at her!

Madam Yu's eyeball is also in the middle of popping out from their socket,her mouth hanging open in shock.

She thanked all gods that the restraining order scenario never really went through. Can those lawyer of hers even win against the county office? Why is that brat Wei Wuxian really had to pick the most troublesome person to meddle with?!

Her friend's heart is in a less relieved state. Now that it come to this, isn't becoming the wife of a government intern in the fast track to promotion more lucrative than become a company manager's wife?! Also, damn it all, she did heard the gossip that once upon a time, Lan Qiren used to be dateable or something, before the dinosaurs got extinct, probably. Also who wants that guy with a pagoda up in his ass? But damn? That's some good gene?!

Damn your chromosome, you my amphibious husband?! Why are your seeds only winning in terms of quantity rather than quality!!!!!

Both woman watches in horror as Jiang Yanli casually approach and genially exchanges greeting with the older looking of the two. They got even more stunned when the two of them drifting away from the younger Lan (the original ID bro, Madam Yu's head supplies unhelpfully) and begin chatting with hushed voice.

Aaaaagrkkhhh!!! My future daughter in law gaahhh!!! Madam Jin feels her stomach cramping seeing her carefully planned future probably torn apart to shreds. The bits of the faintly heard topic that resembles two pensionate with stomach cancer's conversation such as ulcer, diarrhea, gastric problem and antacids goes over her panic ridden head.

Jin Zixuan gripping his glass with white knuckles not far from them. His face looks like he's currently sucking on pickles, now turning even darker seeing the wholesome interaction. From his place he can only see two people who's talking with each other harmoniously and Yanli's concerned gaze to the new asshole he swore he'd hate for life.

Don't you know I'd willingly wear that chili scented hat for you?! I even got dandruff!! He cried inside.

.....

Left alone in the middle of the ballroom, Lan Wangji silently walks away to quieter corner, sensing his brother and the girl in lilac dress seems to be talking about personal problems he clearly isn't a part of. He's just about to take a glass of herb infused drinks when he saw one of the white clothed waiter came out from the kitchen with a big tray full of dishes.

"Wei Ying?" The waiter turns around and almost drop the tray he's holding.

Wei Wuxian quickly balances himself and with practiced finesse put the dishes on the table in record speed before skips toward Lan Wangji.

He smiles with all teeth. "Lan Zhan!! You're here too? Hahaha, I swear we're fated to run into each other every time!" He smoothed his unusually combed over hair, looking even more pleased than usual.

Lan Wangji blinks, other facial muscles unmoving. "You're also here."

"Mmm." Wei Wuxian said. "We're in charge of the catering, you know? And the assholes back there likes to complain that this is too heavy to lift or something, so I'm getting the mule duty!"

Lan Wangji looks over the now empty tray on Wei Wuxian's hand and ask. "Are you tired?"

"What?" Wei Wuxian feels puzzled for a moment before breaking out a laugh. "Nonono, of course not! How long do you think I've been doing this? Hahahaha, thanks, though. Lan Zhan you're so kind hahaha!"

After a beat, his face lights up with a mischievous glint. "Anyway, young master, what could this servant of yours help you with?"

Lan Wangji's finger that's holding his glass twitch, betraying the dead muscles on his face. He looks away and sips the iced herb infused drink a bit hastily. He notes the surprising sweetness and the mint, not entirely unpleasant.

The liquid is halfway down his throat only then begins to let out the faint burn of alcohol when his mind belatedly supplied with a big 'Oh NO'.

Lan Wangji gulps with a sound, feeling the alcohol rapidly processed inside his body. He, blinks once, twice, and then looks back to still smiling Wei Ying.

"Lan Zhan? Hello??" Wei Wuxian calls. Why is he so eerily silent? Even for Lan Zhan, isn't this a little bit too unresponsive?

With the pale eyes still locked at him, Wei Wuxian feels somewhat nervous. "Um, Lan Zhan. Maybe I should get back no-"

Lan Wangji unceremoniously collapses on top of Wei Wuxian.

"!!!!!"

"What happened?!"

"Someone's sick?!"

The other attendees murmurs noisily and starts circling Wei Wuxian who's still standing with much difficulty, bracing the extra weight from dropping flat on the ground while trying to not falling himself.

Hearing the commotion, Lan Xichen wrestles the crowd only to find his brother dead asleep while standing, supported by now familiar WiFi.

Wei Wuxian looks immensely relieved at the familiar face and calls him out. "Older brother Lan!! Thank god! Lan Zhan is..."

Only then he noticed the dropped glass on the carpeted ground and notes the mint and the smell of sugar from the spilled drink.

Oh no, is that what I think it is?

Lan Xichen gulps and deduces the current situation before approaching the distressed Wei Ying and say in low voice. "Ah, he... he's drunk."

What the fuck. Wei Wuxian thinks.

"Who the hell get drunk from mojito?!" He urgently whispers back.

...

Lan Zhan, pretty sure you're the answer for my random prayer of 'rather die than getting bored'... Wei Wuxian thinks while hauling the dead drunk and unconscious Lan Wangji through the hallway, after volunteering himself to bring him into people-less area to rest.

His first thought would be temporary locker room prepared for the staff. Since all personnel are still busily running around the party, the room would be empty or at least quiet enough. He also remembers that they also got a decent looking bench there. Good job, event organizers!

The problem he found when they arrive is. The bench is around 1.4 metres long, Lan Zhan is definitely longer than 1,4 metres.

Letting only half of him on lying on the bench? Nooo!! even the mental image hurts! He'd rather not do that to Lan Zhan's impeccable posture! What if he got scoliosis?!

Folding the knees up? See reasons above. Besides, Wei Wuxian is pretty sure that kind of shaky placement is gonna topple over in no time.

Let him sit while sleeping? But there's no wall on the side to lean on! Letting him slouching with his back like the death scene of the Queen Mother in the Last Emperor is bad for eyes! Also, spare some dignity won't you? Drunkass Lan Zhan is not some random drunkass on the street!

He's considering the options and come to the best solution he could think of.

Definitely not good for my 'ditching work' record. But, hey! Isn't this also counted as customer service work! Wei Wuxian reasons with himself and plopping both of them on the cushioned bench, placing Lan Wangji's weight into his sides.

"You're sleeping. How come you're sleeping with one gulp of Mojito? That's like accidentally swallowing your mouthwash?" He asks no one, shaking his head from the sheer ridiculousness.

Also, how come Lan Zhan just skips the drunken antics part and straight into the most boring part of being drunk?! Where's the tears? The craziness? He wants to see Lan Zhan let loose and get shameless!

As if he responds to the sentiment, the head leaning on his shoulder begin to stir.

Wei Ying tentatively calls. "Lan Zhan? Up yet?"

Lan Wangji doesn't answer, just snuggles closer. From where he is, Wei Ying cannot see whether Lan Wangji already awaken or he's just tossing in his sleep so he doesn't dare to move his head, afraid Lan Wangji's head will slip from his shoulder.

Bored after several minutes of total silence, Wei Wuxian begin to play with Lan Wangji's creaseless cuffs and it's shiny buttons. Thanks to Givenchy Twat's unwitting influence, he easily recognizes the quality of these stuff and yet he cannot control his urges to fiddle with it, feeling the smooth fabric and cold buttons on the sleeve.

If only he's awake, I was going to ask him to let me take a photo of him. Wouldn't that make a good profile picture? Girls like guys in suit afterall..

Cold hand suddenly move to tangles itself Wei Ying's fiddling fingers, making him jump in surprise.

He exclaims, "Lan Zhan! So you're awake!" Wei Wuxian is both relieved and regretting the loss of the weight on his shoulder.

Lan Wangji sits upright, face impassive and calm. He looks around at his surrounding and finally Wei Ying.

Wei Wuxian silently cussing, not expecting that Lan Zhan got sober so fast and so uneventfully.

That's it? Seriously? I mean, it's just mojito.. but this rate of recovery is too fast! How come nothing happens!

And, once again, as Jesus the Man said, "Ask and ye shall receive."

Lan Zhan stares at him too long and too intently, his instinct says. But it also can be caused by sudden displacement, or anger. Why would he get angry, though! The suit's wrinkled a bit, but no one would notice that! Maybe he's shy from collapsing so publicly?

Wei Wuxian tilts his head and waves at the deathly still man. "Hello? Lan Er Gege? Everything's alright there?? This is the staff's locker room by the way."

Getting no answer, Wei Wuxian cannot help but feel annoyed. Is this how people feel when they talk to him on daily basis?

YEEEeeessSss His inner Jiang Cheng needlessly yodels in his head.

"Lan Zhan... why does it feel like your usual radio silence in chat, only this is IRL and I'm like, feeling super awkward and hurt?" He babbles on. "Also, everyone back in the hall thought that you got low blood pressure and I didn't bother to correct them! It's not like anyone would guess someone with pristine look like yours got dead drunk at a black tie party, hahah-"

Mmph?

His laughter is cut short when Lan Wangji pulls him to into a hug. A nice hug, he guess, smells so good too. But still, what the fuck man.

Despite what Jiang Cheng said about his stupidity, Wei Wuxian have enough tact to know this is not a normal behavior and realize that, yep. Still drunk as fuck. Smooth, Lan Zhan. Good thing they're not out there. Also, that's one hell of sober looking drunk!

"Alright. So you're this kind of drunk." Wei Wuxian swallows his chuckle, still trapped in the bear hug with resignation. He moves his hand to Lan Zhan's back, stroking slowly and ignoring the onslaught of confusion inside his head.

Yes, yes, I don't know what the fuck we are doing. So what, this is nice too. It's not like anyone's going to lose anything out of this.

Slowly, the bear hold unravels and Wei Wuxian once again kinda regrets pulling off from the contact. Lan Zhan's face still terrifyingly blank, Wei Ying just hopes he's not going to remember all this lest he died from shame after he got sober.

Wei Wuxian nudges the still figure with bubbling laughter. "Lan Zhan? Everything's ok there? That's really bold of you! I almost got swooned!"

"Nnn." Lan Wangji only responds with that. Honestly, not that different from usual.

Wei Wuxian decides to taunt him again, ignoring the 'What The Fuck I'm Doing' chorusing inside his brain. Also, not that different from usual. "Do you want another hug? Since we already on the second base and all?"

Lan Wangji answers evenly. "Not hug."

Oh well too bad. That was a nice hug.

He continues. "You said kiss."

Wei Wuxian choked on his own spit.

"Wha.. what KISS?!" I said that?! I want to kill the me who said that!

Lan Wangji continues unperturbed. "You said, on second date you'd get a kiss."

I did? That does sounds like me, actually. Shame on you, me!

"Alright. No kiss." Wei Wuxian said after he collects himself. Somehow drunk Lan Zhan have the audacity to look deflated!

How is that my fault! I mean, it kinda is! But how should I know that Lan Zhan's memory is too good and his drunk self think it's funny to make me eat my own word!

Wei Wuxian feels his heart softens on this silly drunk and proposes with open arm. "No kiss. But hug is okay! Come here, Lan Zhan!"

Drunk Lan Zhan leans in with gusto and once again pulls him into a hug. Wei Wuxian chuckles and breathes in the scent of sandalwood and musk, hugging back without reservation.

The door slams open.

"Wei Wuxian! How long you plan to ditc-" Jiang Cheng stops, finding two man hugging each other. One with guilty expression and the other looks totally unrepentant.

"... I'm going to gouge my eyes and donate it to the red cross." Jiang Cheng finally declares before he shuts back the door softly and scrambles away at full speed

Rude. Wei Wuxian thinks.

.......

Chapter Text

.......

"Thanks." Jiang Yanli sincerely said. "You know, for.. calming other people off."

Yeeeeessssss Jin Zixuan is doing a mental highfive with himself while trying to keep his cool facade intact.

He clears his throat. "It's no big deal."

Lan Xichen smiles at him with no less grateful expression. "I'm also grateful. Thank you very much, young master Jin."

Jin Zixuan makes a face. I don't want Your thanks! Anyway, who the fuck you think you are!?

"No big deal." He states again, harsher this time.

Jiang Yanli glances at the empty corridors worriedly. "Are they going to be alright?"

Ha ha ha. "Probably." Lan Xichen said vaguely.

Settling down his annoyance, Jin Zixuan said. "What's wrong with that guy? Shouldn't we call ambulance?"

"Nononono, no need." Lan Xichen hurriedly said. Drunk Wangji doesn't mix well with common sense, none of the drunk Lans does. His uncle have an album full of cautionary photos that can prove that. Calling an ambulance will probably only cause some minor scandal and a shit ton of gag order to be signed.

Jiang Yanli reassures him. "It's okay Xichen Ge, A-Xian is very good at taking care of other people."

Jin Zixuan makes a dubious look. "We're talking about the same Wei Wuxian, right?"

He shut his dumbass mouth up when he saw Jiang Yanli's annoyed stare and start to mentally beating up himself.

Stupid! Why the fuck did I just mess the good vibe! Can I get a mouth transplant?!

A figure suddenly emerges from the end of the corridor, swaying on his feet.

"A-Cheng!" Jiang Yanli exclaims.

Lan Xichen looks at the approaching figure clad in waiter uniform and hurriedly ask. "Ah, young master Jiang. How is my bro-"

"Shut up." Jiang Cheng cuts. His face looks like he just reached enlightenment. The bad kind. "Having eyes is so overrated."

He staggers past them without looking at anything.

Maiden Jiang. Jin Zixuan thinks. I do like you so much. But why is your family so weird?!

......

(Yesterday)

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

Lan Zhan
Contact me when you're sober OK?
Drunk Lan Zhan is so cute hahahaha
(´▽`ʃƪ)♡

(6:21 AM)

蓝忘机
I apologize for troubling you yesterday
It was not my intention
[this message is recalled]
[this message is recalled]
I understand that I might be uncourteous and I am willing to be held accountable for my actions.

(8:10 AM)

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Holy crap
How did I got formal apology this early
Good morning sober Lan Zhan!!
₊·*◟(˶╹̆ꇴ╹̆˵)◜‧*･
Aiya.. what are you apologizing for
I Love both sober and drunk Lan Zhan hahaha

......

We Ate Hell Pot Together Group (3 members)

蓝曦臣：hello, thanks for inviting me.

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Hi! (*ˊૢᵕˋૢ*)

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Sorry for the group name!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：it's A-Cheng's idea!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: The alternative is Asshole Eruption

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: You can choose that instead

蓝曦臣: We're good.

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Lol

❃✿江厌离✿❃：I told you we should go with 'ID Bro Appreciation group'

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: I'M GOING TO APPRECIATE SHIT WHEN THOSE SHITFACE'S STALE ASS GOT WRECKED BY A TRACTOR

蓝曦臣: I am uncomfortable by that implication.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: FUCK YOUR COMFORT

❃✿江厌离✿❃：This is why you're not allowed to work at the hall

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Oh, right, Xichen ge. Sorry about the other day.

蓝曦臣: (－‸ლ)

蓝曦臣: Oh my god. That.

蓝曦臣: I'm the one who's really sorry!!

蓝曦臣: I truly, truly regret that!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: You spied on your brother's outing afterwards

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Looking like reject Beatles.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Regret my ass.

蓝曦臣: ..... Well.

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Alright. We did not discuss *that* anymore

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Xichen ge, did you two get back safely last night?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Can I request not to talk about yesterday at all?

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Denied

蓝曦臣: Yes! Thank you for the concern!

蓝曦臣: Wangji just drops down as soon as we reached home. :((

❃✿江厌离✿❃：that parting scene though

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Can I request not to talk about that specific part

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Denied

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Damn it.

蓝曦臣: Yes. That. Part.

蓝曦臣: So.

(9:12 AM)

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: No one's going to say it? Thank goodness

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Oh, shit. I jinxed myself didn't I

❃✿江厌离✿❃：This is why I love you so much

蓝曦臣: Sorry, I was commuting.

蓝曦臣: Well, that part. Umm

蓝曦臣: That was.. ummm... touching..?

蓝曦臣: Ummm.. it's...

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Are we... going to be in-laws or something?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: THAT'S IT I'M TAKING MYSELF OFF OUR FAMILY REGISTRY.

.....

Wei Wuxian can't not feeling the hot gazes from around him while he's mopping the floor. Especially that particular one that's chock full of killing intentions.

Shesh.

He turns his head back to meet Jiang Cheng's hostile glare. What did he do to deserve that kind of murderous aura?!

"What." Wei Wuxian levels him with an indifferent stare to no effect. "A-Cheng, A-Cheng.. stop being a sourpuss. What are you even pissed off at?"

At that, Jiang Cheng grips the handle of his mop tighter and somehow managed to squash the flimsy metal handle, drawing frightened gasp from nearby worker.

Wei Wuxian is both peeved and amused at the open rage. Seriously, this kid! So dramatic! What even he's mad at? Yesterday? Pfft.

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes and get back at mopping the floor while comments. "What even you're mad at. Never saw people hugging?"

Every employee within the hearing range gasps, once again Wei Wuxian laments the fact that the world is surely filled by gossipers everywhere!

Jiang Cheng's voice is terribly hollow as he mutters. "Hugging."

Sheesh, so dramatic, yo! "So? You never hug a friend? Tsk tsk tsk."

At that Jiang Cheng explodes. "WELL?! DO YOU?! ASIDE FROM ID BRO, HAVE YOU?!"

Wei Wuxian splutters back. "Of course I have?! Not everyone's a prude like you? By the way, didn't I hug you before? Shijie too? And Wen Ning too? And MianMian during that time we're doing the three legged race?"

"That's different?!" Jiang Cheng persists, glowering like he wants to make Wei Wuxian chugging on mop water.

"It's not that... gross one like.." he shudders "...whatever is that yesterday."

Gross what. That was a very nice hug. Wei Wuxian feels incredulous.

"What gross. It's nice. That kind of hug feels nice, actually." He snickers, a new idea pops into his head. "Here, let's try, shall we? Come here Jiang Cheng! Hug me!!"

Jiang Cheng used up all his agility skill to jumps backwards and hiss threateningly.

"You do that if you want to lose that hand." He growls. The other workers are split between the ones that giggling around and the one who looks at that scene with dubious expression. Jiang Cheng looks around and got a new solution instead.

"You." He grabs a nearby employee who failed to evade and drags him to Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian is watching with an amused look. "Jiang Cheng, don't bully our collague."

Jiang Cheng shows no mercy and drags the flailing employee with all eyes locked at them with pity and malicious glee. "Shut up. Go hug this one."

Wei Wuxian raises one eyebrow and looks at the poor worker who looks like he just sent to his death and decided not to take pity on him.

"Okay. Alright, scuse me?" Wei Wuxian smiles brightly before glomps on the poor guy who can only miserably squeaks.

"...." Going ten seconds.

On twenty seconds mark the guy stop twitching and looks like he passed out already. Everyone else already took out their phones and shamelessly recording the whole affair.

Thirty seconds. Wei Wuxian wrench himself off the poor guy, who looks totally out of it, by the way. Jiang Cheng still look incomparably smug and full of rage.

"So?" Jiang Cheng asks, pulling back the frozen employee.

"Hm. So." Wei Wuxian settles with just that.

Jiang Cheng presses again. "Is that good?"

"..... Mmmm..." Well. If you put it that way!

"Alright." Without missing a beat, Jiang Cheng shot himself into another employee's side and unceremoniously yanks the still dumbfounded guy to Wei Wuxian's direction. "Test number two."

Alright, glomp for 30 seconds, release. What an unpleasant hassle.

"How is that?" Jiang Cheng asks again after he set aside poor employee #2. The veins on his forehead twitching wildly. Also, his face looks kinda green now. "Good?"

Well, to be honest.

"....No."

Ha! Jiang Cheng looks triumphantly for a moment before he realized the part that will follow.

".... When you were hugging with ID Bro like that. How long did you do it."

"..... a long time. I didn't count." Maybe I don't want to count is left unsaid.

Jiang Cheng looks like he's going to throw up his breakfast when he heard that.

Jiang Yanli peeks from behind the cashier counter. She was silent throughout the initial commotion and just then decides to pipe in. "A-Xian. With ID bro. I mean, Lan Zhan.. does it feel.. nice?"

Wei Wuxian brain goes blank before he can hear all the blood rushing into his head.

Oh.

Ooooohhhhhh

OOOHHHHH. SHIT.

Oh shit, hundred shit.

Is that it?

Is this IT?!!!!!

"I..." He stumbles backwards. In his ringing ear he can hear Shijie's worried shout and the faint murmurs of people. "I... don't.. feel well."

Even Jiang Cheng is looking concerned now. However, right now, Wei Wuxian really doesn't want to deal with anything.

Everything feels so stuffy and jumbled together, and there's an urge to laugh and cry and probably jumps from the rooftop at the same time.

"I don't feel well." He repeats, putting down his mop. "Can I take a day off today?"

Before he got an answer he found himself already out of the door with his bag, running as fast as possible.

......

LotusHall Squad Group (63 members)

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: Congratulations for @Arnold Fang ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ for getting his fantasy hug

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: Thank God you suck so hard Senior Wei got a Gay Awakening.

AQingQing ☆ﾟ.*･: Oh, you too @-FRIDAY-, you suck too. So congrats

-FRIDAY-: don't be jelly you bitches ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Arnold Fang ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ : Leave me alone

Congratulations :虞紫-YunmengHallProprietress

Arnold Fang ᕙ༼ ͝°益° ༽ᕗ : MA'AM WHY.

......

(10:35 AM)

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
I think
[this message is recalled]
[this message is recalled]

蓝忘机
Wei Ying?

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
It's nothing.
Talk to you later

......

"And?" Wen Qing looks at him while munching on pork rinds lazily. Her hair is in a very messy bun as she lounges lazily while her brother sat beside her, watching stupidly drawn pig cartoon with baby A-Yuan.

Does the baby knows you're eating Peppa's relative there, sis? Wei Wuxian think pettily.

"And what." Wei Wuxian sullenly mutters. "What's what. I've been digging a hole for myself. I bet you want to say 'I told you so'."

"I told you so." Wen Qing repeats. On the dining table, the uncles are silently playing chess with their ears stuck in their conversations.

Wei Wuxian squeezes his temples, feeling the onslaught of headache returning. Coming to Wen's apartment is totally a bad idea. What did he expect? Another tongue lashing?

Wen Qing looks at the uncharacteristically silent Wei Wuxian and sighs heavily. "You seriously didn't think it'll come to this?"

"How should I know?!" Wen Ning jumps at his shout, that makes him feel worse. "It was.. a normal thing yeah? He's funny. What's wrong with that?"

"Hmmm." Wen Qing just continues to chewing on the blasted pork rinds. In the background Peppa's perky voice keeps babbling in low volume while the clackings of the chess pieces being moved only continue to echoes, inviting him to continue.

"Alright. So I did kinda fixated on him. No big deal. It's because it's interesting! He's like.. a rare species."

She looks at him for a while and says. "Yeah."

Wei Wuxian continues on. "I think it's great that he kinda, in his own way like, tolerates me. Also, he trust me? Who's dumb enough to do that, right?"

"Mmm."

"Well, I also think that talking to him is kinda cathartic. He's just so.. upright. I want to make him tick. I want to push him around. He won't even mind! Nie Huaisang said he's a boss ass bitch? Well, I think not! I think he's.."

Right now all adults in the room is currently looking at him with varying level of amusement, waiting patiently for the next word.

"...Cute." Wei Wuxian finishes, energy completely drained as he slumps deeper into his seat.

Wen Ning looks at him with admiring gaze. "Wei Xiong..."

Uncle Four looks like he's going to laugh so hard, his denture is going to get shot across the room. Uncle Six doesn't even hide his snicker, showing all of his tobacco stained remains of his teeth.

Wen Qing moves to pat him in the arm and cheekily said. "Congratulations."

"Is that what they call 'coming out from the closet'?" Uncle four raps the dining table with shaking laughter.

Damn you old fossils! Wei Wuxian curses.

"Congratulations on what?" He groans. "Oh my fucking God. How the hell I'm supposed to talk to him after this?!"

"Just as usual?" Wen Qing indifferently offers. "Didn't you told him 'I love you' at least once a day already?"

Wei Wuxian pales. "Oh shit, I did. But that's different!"

"How so?" She raised her tone. "Think again. How is your current feeling to him different from before?"

"Before?" Wei Wuxian parrots dubiously.

"You tell me! How long you've been thinking that he's, by your own word, 'cute'?'

At Wei Wuxian's groan, she only continues mercilessly. "What do you want to do with him now? And what do you want, say, last week?"

"I want to get closer to him." Wei Wuxian obediently answers. "That's still the same."

"And?"

"But now it's different!" He adds with panic. "Now I know I want to.. do more?"

Wen Qing scoffs "What are you? Elementary schooler?"

"Fine." Wei Wuxian grits his teeth. "Fine, i tried to be mindful of A-Yuan. But, fine!"

The Wens pales together. Wei Wuxian pays them no heed and start rattling without a pause.

"I want to hug him. That was nice. I want that again. Like everyday. I want, I want to touch his face, I want to touch his lips. I want to touch his hand. Also nice, by the way. I want to make him try a lot of things, with me. I want him to touch me. Like all over. Clothed, naked. Whatever. I want to keep talking to him. I want to know what he likes, what he don't. I want him to get angry at me. Not so angry though. I want him to look at me. I want to ki-"

Wei Wuxian pauses to see a roomful of burning red faces and an oblivious toddler with hands covering his ears. Somehow he feels his face starts to burn too.

Wen Qing clears her throat nervously before saying. "Got it. Tell him that then."

"I can't!" Wei Wuxian exclaims in horror. "That'll be celestially awkward!! He'll get spooked and blocks me for life!"

He won't? Wen Qing's instinct tells her that might not be the case. Bit since it's just her guess she cannot say that confidently.

"Anyway." Wei Wuxian adds morosely. "Everything is fucked. Except me. Shit, man."

.......

We Ate Hell Pot Together Group (3 members)

❃✿江厌离✿❃：So, I'm 70% sure we're on track to be in laws

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Please take care of us in the future m(_ _)m

蓝曦臣: ??!!!

蓝曦臣: Why suddenly?

蓝曦臣: Wait, just 70%?!! I thought we passed 80% long ago?!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: JIE NO.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Don't I have a say in this as well?!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Um well. Things happened.

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Also, A-Cheng

❃✿江厌离✿❃：You're the one who jumpstarted the whole progress into 70%

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: NO

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

蓝曦臣: I'm so afraid to ask what happened

蓝曦臣: But, okay. Please take care of me too in the future :))

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: NO

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Are you two conveniently ignoring the 30%?!!

蓝曦臣: This might be bold of me.

蓝曦臣: But according to my experience, denials never last long.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: SCREW YOU SIDEWAYS TOO

......

Chapter Text

......

蓝忘机

Are you still angry
I‘m sorry 

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

What are you apologizing for haha
Lan Zhan
[this message was recalled]
I would never be angry at you

蓝忘机

Is there something wrong 
Can I help

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

Pffft, don’t you know I always live wrongly
I got ‘No’ as my middle name afterall

┐(´∀｀)┌

蓝忘机

Is that so
:(

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
(」゜ロ゜)」
щ(゜ロ゜щ)
Σ (　 Д )ﻌﻌﻌﻌ⊙ ⊙
IS THAT AN EMOJI
HOLY SHIT IS TODAY MY BIRTHDAY?!!

蓝忘机
My brother told me to use it
You like it

 魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

HELL YEAH
GOOD JOB ELDER BROTHER LAN
LAN ZHAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

蓝忘机
Nnn.

.....

Well damn. Wei Wuxian’s finger hovers uselessly on the recall button. He’s step too late. 

Shit. He saw that.
 

.....

We Ate Hell Pot Together Group (3 members)

❃✿江厌离✿❃：A-Xian is absent again..

❃✿江厌离✿❃：He said he have a headache..

❃✿江厌离✿❃：( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ _ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ )

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: WTF

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng:  Didn’t he stab himself with IV drip the last time he came to work half dead?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng:  How the hell he’s absent from headache?

蓝曦臣：I’m sorry to hear that :((

蓝曦臣：Wangji didn’t tell me what happened either (´;︵;`)

蓝曦臣：But he is pretty down recently as well..

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Xichen ge are you sure your brother likes A-Xian?

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Did your brother rejected him?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: The fuck.

蓝曦臣：NO?! Of course not?!!

蓝曦臣：I mean I don’t know what happened

蓝曦臣：But there’s no way?!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Are you sure?

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Could it be your brother’s feelings are just friendship?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: I told you there’s still 30% and you guys ignored me

❃✿江厌离✿❃：A-Cheng.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: What? That’s true.

蓝曦臣：NO???

蓝曦臣：You guys saw it too right?!

蓝曦臣：Wangji doesn’t even like to touch another people!!!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: That’s it

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng:  I’m going to beat the shit out that creepy megatron assfuck the next time I see him

蓝曦臣：Please don’t

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Are we sure they even talked about this?

❃✿江厌离✿❃：I mean, A-Xian just recently got his romantic awakening..

❃✿江厌离✿❃：And he’s kinda..

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Dumb As Fuck

❃✿江厌离✿❃：I was going to say thick

蓝曦臣：But he’s already so bold?!

蓝曦臣：How can anyone not notice that?!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Ha ha ha

.....

The two of them wades through the afternoon commuters as soon as they stepped out from the subway. Nie Mingjue doesn’t bother to sync his pace with his companion, forcing Meng Yao to scurry behind him. 

One day. He resentfully thinks while helplessly chasing through the crowd. One day I’m going to cut off that stupid overgrown leg. 

They soon get out from the crowded station and to the less traversed avenue. Nie Mingjue’s face is somewhat annoyed as he deliberately takes a longer stride, making Meng Yao once again breaks into a half run to catch up.

 “Why did I agree to go alone with you.” He said without looking back.

 Excuse you?!

Meng Yao swallows down the anger back before calmly replies. “Er-ge is busy. Remind me again who is it who ‘asked’ me to go and help you with translating the reference book?”

Maybe you should sue those protein shake makers for contributing to the shrinkage of your brain cells?

Nie Mingjue’s frown is growing deeper. “The last time you ‘helped’ me, you gave me that virus ridden USB that made a fucking porn ads  pops out in the middle of my presentation.” 

“That’s not my fault.” Meng Yao easily lies. Too bad there’s currently no one that appreciates or believe such flawless attempts at deception.

Nie Mingjue growls. “I should’ve just use online translator.” 

“Yes, yes. Let’s forget the last time you tried to MTL your way through your essay.” Meng Yao had a pretty good laugh (discreetly) afterwards. 

That shuts up Nie Mingjue and they are back to walking tersely towards the library in silence.

The shape of the Library building soon come into sight as well as the flock of students congregating and idling around it. Each and every one of them is accompanied with their gadget and makes sure to utilize the library’s free wifi.

Nie Mingjue scoffs disdainfully at the rowdily chatting groups around them. “Fucking Millenials.” 

We are millennials as well you know. Despite your head being stuck in the sixties. Meng Yao thinks.

“Speaking of millenials.” He looks around and finds a familiar figure near the stairs. “There’s A-Sang.”

Nie Mingjue turns his head in a record speed to see a group of youths gathering around and noisily poses together with their phone. His eyes zeroes in the prey as he stomps forward to the group.

Sensing the sudden income of murderous aura, Nie Huaisang looks up just in time to see the menacingly approaching figure and squeaks. He tumbles from the ledge he previously perching on with flourish and fall into the person in front of him, effectively breaking their selfie formation.

The group of youth gapes at the solid pounds of muscles on the newcomers. Some of them even begins to openly drolls.

“Da-ge..” Nie Huaisang chirps, rubbing his bumped forehead while trying to shrink himself as much as possible

DaGeee?!! Everyone looks at the Big Buldozer of a Nie and their own concubine looking Nie that tries to hide behind the lamppost. 

“Didn’t you say you’re going to study group?” The Illustriously big one say with an utterly flat tone. Nie Huaisang instinctively realizes he’s utterly fucked. 

“I- I am!” Networking is also some form of studying! Not that he can say that out loud.

Nie Mingjue looks around and notes the lack of stationary and books around the group. “And what is this group studying about?”

Meng Yao feel somewhat sympathetic and attempts to lessen the incoming carnage. “Mingjue Xiong, A-Sang is just enjoyin-“ 

“You shut up. Let’s see if you will enjoy when I rip your damn mouth and put it into hot and sour soup.”

Fuckfuckfuck. Nie Huaisang is in the verge of crying when he suddenly saw the light on the end of the tunnel. A distraction is coming! Hurrah mon Sauveur!  

Wei Wuxian is walking towards his group with assortments of bottled drink when he noticed the oppressive mood of the group. He’s just going to call out and ask what happened when he saw the two newcomers of the group that feels somewhat familiar.

Meng Yao catch the sight of the approaching figure first and got stunned at recognition as soon as their eyes meet.

 “Ah!” He yells out cheerfully. “Xiao Pengyou!”

Meng Yao’s smile drops and he unconsciously forget not to pull a face. Nie Mingjue’s attention snaps and he turn his head to the source of the voice to find a familiar youth (thankfully baby-less). Also. What did he just say? He want’s to give this kid an award.

“Meat brother too! Long time no see!” Wei Wuxian casually dumps the bottles at the top nearby table and greets them with a grin. Nie Mingjue takes that award back and glares at the silently snickering critter beside him.  

Meat is better than being a fucking imp. He balefully thought.

I’m average size, dammit!! Meng Yao  pastes his usual placating smile with a little bit of difficulty.

“You’re Huaisang’s friend.” He said with a realization. His brother is currently in the middle of an effort to blend himself into the surroundings.

“Ahaha, yeah! Oh man, you know him too huh! What a coincidence!” These guys are Nie Huaisang’s acquittances huh? This world sure is really small!

Nie Mingjue said. “He’s my brother.”

“What.” Wei Wuxian looks back and forth at the Great Wall of China in front of him and the one who hides behind equally nauseous Wen Ning. Whaaatt???

“What is wrong with your family’s gene pool.” Which one of these are the genetic mutation?!

Meng Yao starts to cough uncontrollably. 

Nie Mingjue’s forehead veins twitches. The people behind them lights up mental candle and incense for Wei Wuxian while some already dialed the number for ambulance on their phone. Wen Ning faints while standing upright.

They know each other?!! Oh wait, Wei Xiong knows the Lans. But why is he greeting Da-ge and Yao-ge so familiarly?! Nie Huaisang rapidly thinks.

“Hello to you too. Long time no see.” Meng Yao said as soon as his coughing subsides. His usual placating smile already pasted back on his face.

Wei Wuxian nervously laughs. “Ahaha yeah. Since *that* time huh..” 

Please don’t bring up the puking thing. Wei Wuxian glances warily at the Wen siblings who’s still within the hearing range.

“You look alright.” Nie Mingjue’s says as soon as the twitching subsides. “Xichen said you’re unwell. Lan Wangji has been worried about you.”

Whaat??! That ice block is what? Wei Xiong, what is your relationship?! Are you a miracle worker?!! Nie Huaisang wails internally.

“I.. I’m alright.” Wei Wuxian shifts anxiously hearing the mention of the name. He knows he barely sounds convincing. 

Nie Mingjue narrows his eyes. “Don’t drag around that kind of useless lovers spat too long. You’re making Xichen worried.” 

What. The. Fuck.

Wei Wuxian’s head blanked out before he feel all the blood rushing into his head. What the fuck is he talking about.  

“That’s not.. he’s...” He stops. Words rolls out awkwardly from his mouth. Somehow that word feels... wrong.

Nie Mingjue scoffs. 

Meng Yao watches the silent meltdown in front of them and inquires calmly while letting the gears running inside his head. “Forgive me for asking.. but aren’t you two..”

No?!! I mean, I wish?!! What the FUCK man?!

“He brought you into his room. Even Xichen barely goes in there.” Nie Mingjue winces at the memory.

But...but... It’s for the baby! Also we were studying!! 

Meng Yao continues. “Wasn’t he the one who invited you into his house? Xichen Ge told me even before that he never bring a friend home or goes to someone else. You can ask A-Sang.”

Behind them, Nie Huaisang nods vigorously.

Oh my God. Lan Zhan?! Your social life is so lacking!! 

Nie Mingjue recalled the morning when he meet pale faced Xichen who insist on not taking a seat while retelling his brother’s chivalrous dating experience. “Dhidn’t he ate a lethal amount of chili for you?”  

How the hell you guys even knows that?! Who told you?!

“I heard about the..” Meng Yao paused to carefully selects a fitting phrase. “.. Skinship? Um, I know him since he’s in middle school, I never even saw him willingly touch other people.”

Skinship?!! Is the Aussies going to annex us tomorrow? What the fuck?! Nie Huaisang mentally keels over.

 “He probably thinks we’re a really.. good.. friends?” Wei Wuxian winces from his own words.

“That’s some steamy friendship.” Some traitor pipes in from behind him. 

The two in front of him looks dubiously at each other before simultaneously replies. “No (shit).”

Meng Yao clears his throat and looks at the turmoil in front of him. “You probably should ask him yourself. If you want that kind of relationship as well, of course.”

Wei Wuxian nods stiffly before he snatches his bag from the ground and sprint away in a record speed.

Meng Yao looks at the disappearing figure with slight amusement. “How dramatic. I mean, he can just send him a message or something.”

“I know there’s something between him and ID bro.” A guy comments offhandedly.

Nie Huaisang sniffles. “Wei Xiong sure have guts.”

Nie Mingjue snaps back his attention and drags his brother by the collar. “Don’t think this is over for you.”

 ......

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
LAN ZHAN
Lan Zhan
Lan Zhan where are you?!
Lan Zhan are you home????

蓝忘机
I just got back
What’s wrong

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-

GREAT
Don’t go anywhere okay!!
Wait right there!!!
Wait sorry
Am I allowed to go to your house??
Can I come??

蓝忘机
Okay
Please do.

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
ALRIGHT I’M COMING
I HABR
I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT 
This is serious!!
Wait for me!!

蓝忘机
I’ll be waiting

.....

Wei Ying runs all the way from the station, ignoring he reproachful glare of people he bumped along the way. His veins thrumming from adrenaline as he sped up his run, seeing his destination nearing.

He stops at the elegant facade of the gated building with his face flushed and sweaty. Just when he wonders whether he should tidy himself first or just go and press the doorbell, the door suddenly swung open, revealing the still neatly dressed Lan Wangji in all his expressionless glory.

“Wei Ying.” He calls, Wei Wuxian hopefully thinks that he sounds somewhat pleased. “Come in.”

That voice is so unfair! Wei Wuxian stands still, feeling a now familiar jolt as he heard the voice. That face is unfair too! Lan Zhan, how come your everything is so unfair!

He feels all the adrenaline suddenly died down, replaced with a wave of anxiety and unsureness. “Lan Zhan.. I.. I can’t go in.”

What if I need to run away if I got this all wrong?!

Lan Wangji froze, his grips on the door handle perceptibly tighten. His face however, betrays nothing.

Wei Ying take in a deep breath to steady himself and looks straight into Lan Wangji’s eyes in determination. 

“Lan Zhan. I have something very important to tell you. VERY very important.”

Lan Wangji’s eyebrow softly twitch. “Yes.”

Wei Ying continues to ramble. “This is seriously Important, you know. Like you might hate me important. And this might sounds super ridiculous. Even I know this is ridiculous! But let me talk, okay? I’ll go away afterwards if you want.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t wait for confirmation and shoots the damn thing out his mouth before he had the chance to chicken himself out and run away to Mongolia.

“Lan Zhan.” He keep his gaze on Lan Wangji’s. “I like you. Like in that way. Really, really like.”

Lan Wangji’s hand that’s holding the door went slack, letting the door slip and slams into his shoulder. He stands perfectly still, it doesn’t even like he’s breathing.

Wei Wuxian keeps rattling out of sheer panic. Even more so when he saw Lan Wangji’s face gone deathly white.

“I know right. It’s really ridiculous. And I think.. I think you like me as well? Kind of? They told me you do. I might be wrong.. but maybe you do! I mean it’s not as crazy much as mine, but... If you d-“

“No.” Lan Wangji cuts.

Feeling his heart dropped, Wei Wuxian almost want to bolt away right now. He shouldn’t cry, dammit. He should continues on and he might still save the friendship aspect.

“...Yeah. It’s fine! Sorry about that haha, I mean, It’s just me being ridiculous as usual! Sorry abou-“

“No.” Lan Wangji cuts again. He walks forward resolutely and letting the door slams behind him.

“No.” He said again when he stops, face awfully close now to Wei Ying’s. 

“It’s not..” He looks faintly exasperated.

Not what? Wei Ying is starting to get annoyed. Say the full sentence! 

“Not what? No, I don’t like you? No, I’m ridiculous? No-“

“No.” He takes Wei Ying’s hand in his and put it above his chest where he can feel the erratic beats beneath the creaseless fabric.

Wei Ying looks back into the pale coloured eyes with newfound spark of hope. “..Lan Zhan?”

“It’s not..” He continues stiffly. “It’s not more.”

What more? He thinks. More of.. Ooohh! 

Lan Wangji speaks again, firmer this time. “Your feelings, it’s not more.”

Propelled with immense relief and another shit ton of emotion, all he can say is, “I want a hug.”

Lan Wangji instantly obliges and soon Wei Ying find himself buried in the scent of sandalwood and fabric softener. The grip on his back is firm and gentle. He hugs bag with flourish and laughs into Lan Wangji’s collarbone.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan... Don’t cut your words like that! I’m almost got a stroke hahahaha. Do you want me to die young or something?”

“Nnn.” Lan Wangji hold on him tightens. Feeling amused, Wei Ying strokes his back in consoling manner, letting himself melt further into the hug.

“Also, what do you mean by my feelings is not more? How mean!! I have plenty of likes you know!”

“Nnn.”

Wei Ying’s eyes glint as he raise his head to meet Lan Wangji’s puzzled look. 

“So.” He smiles, poking the cold cheek with his finger. “Since we’re already on the third base, do I get a kiss as well?”

All that Wei Ying caught before he closes his eyes is the blown pupil and the reddened tip on Lan Wangji’s ear. The kiss that follows is fucking fantastic. Hall of fame level fantastic. He probably enjoys this too much that he’s surely forgetting something very important.

He’s still smiling when they broke off the kiss and get right back into clinging into each other. 

Speaking of which. How did Lan Zhan knows that he had arrived even when he hadn’t ring the doorbell?

“Lan Zhan?” 

“Nnn.”

“This place have CCTV right?”

“Yes.”

“Does that mean someone from the security company could be watching us?”

“Mmm.”

Wei Ying grins. “Can we ask for the recording?” 

“...The camera is connected into uncle’s computer in the office. We can ask him.”

Wei Ying pulls away unwillingly from the hug and looks at Lan Wangji inquiringly. “You’re saying your uncle is currently livestraming us?”

Lan Wangji blinks indifferently. “Yes.”

..... 

District Attorney’s Personal Office

“.......”

“.......”

“..... Can someone explain this to me?”

I want to know about that too. 

Lan Xichen sweats beneath his three piece suit. His uncle’s face is currently changing from white to green and then to purple like a lively screensaver display. His assistant already inching towards the first-aid kit for blood pressure medication.

“Wangji is going through the stairs of adulthood?” He finally offers.

......

We Ate Hell Pot Together Group (3 members)

蓝曦臣：It’s now 100%!! 

蓝曦臣：(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

蓝曦臣：We’re definitely In-laws-ing!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：!!!!!!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：What?!! How?!! What happened?

❃✿江厌离✿❃：but congratulations!!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：( ⁼̴̤̆ ළ̉ ⁼̴̤̆)و ̑̑

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: WTF just happened?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: NO I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Also what kind of phrase is in-laws-ing.

蓝曦臣：Sorry I was excited!!٩̋(ˊ•͈ ꇴ •͈ˋ)و

❃✿江厌离✿❃：How do you know?!!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：OMG A-Xian!!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：I’m so happy!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：✧*｡٩(*ˊᗜˋ)و✧*｡

蓝曦臣：✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Oi, how do you even know?

蓝曦臣：Oh. That.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Don’t tell me...

蓝曦臣：I.. might’ve watched the whole thing?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Holy SHIT you sick fuck.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: You were stalking them?!!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: So the neat looking ones really are the creepiest.

蓝曦臣：NO! It’s not like that!!

蓝曦臣：It’s totally a legal recording!! 

蓝曦臣：I didn’t even mean to see that!!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Legal

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: Recording?????

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Recording??!!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: How the hell there’s even a recording?!!

❃✿江厌离✿❃：There’s a recording??!!

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: HOLY SHIT DID THEY DO THAT IN PUBLIC

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: THOSE SHITTY HORNY ASSWIPE I’M GOING TO CASTRATE THE SHIT OUTTA THEIR BALLS

蓝曦臣：Depends on your description of public??

蓝曦臣：Err please don’t?

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: THINK OF MY DIGNITY BY ASSOCIATION

❃✿江厌离✿❃：Can I get the recording?? 

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: JIE NO

蓝曦臣：Anything for family!!

蓝曦臣：( ﾉ^ω^)ﾉﾟ

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: WHO IS YOUR FAMILY

(❃✿江厌离✿❃ invited -金-JZX-金-）

❃✿江厌离✿❃：um..

❃✿江厌离✿❃：He asked me to join.

-金-JZX-金-: Yo.

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng:  WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng:  BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK

蓝曦臣：Welcome!! :DD

(งಠ_ಠ)ง JCheng: DO NOT WELCOME HIM DAMMIT

......

蓝忘机
I’ve arrived at the station
Where are you

魏无羡-Wi-Fi-
Lan Zhan!!
I’m near the turnstiles!!
In front of  Familymart!

Wei Wuxian finds the tall figure of Lan Wangji easily, standing out among the crowds while darting his eyes around. 

Feeling mischievous, Wei Wuxian decides to silently sneaks out behind him to glomps into the sturdy back and snakes his arm on around the waist. Lan Wangji turns his head around to meet a toothy grin.

“Hi, shuaige.” At that Lan Wangji just moved his eyebrows slightly in mild reproach. Wei Wuxian smiles fondly at the expression. “Miss me?”

Lan Wangji pats the mischievous arm lightly. “Nnn.”

“Let’s go now?” He lets go of his arms to offers his hand and pulls forward. 

“Alright, Lan Zhan. Now we’re going to our... what number is it again?”

“Fourth.” 

Wei Wuxian laughs. “Fourth is it? We’re counting the time when you got drunk?”

“Nnn.”

He hums in agreement. “Fair enough.”

They steps out to crisp autumn air outside, blending in amongst the sea of people.

......

Extra

They haven’t even knocked the door when the door slams open to show the whole household standing in front of the door with expectant face.

“Didn’t you say that you’re all going to the karaoke contest together? How come you’re all still here??” Wei Wuxian looks dubiously at the old people squad who’s currently showcasing their polished dentures and tooth gaps while shamelessly ogling the person behind him. Even Granny Wen who’s still sitting with her hip braces on the wheelchair looks positively younger from excitement. Every each one of them is looking like bedazzled flamingo in their sequined costumes.

“Oh shush you.” An Aunty waves her hand impatiently and aiming a bright smile at poor and stiffened Lan Zhan. “It’s not often that we got this quality of eye candy.”

Wei Wuxian sulks. “I’m an eye candy too.”

“We’re bored already with your face.” Uncle six says cruelly, making Wei Wuxian clutch his chest in dramatic fashion. How dare that wrinkly specimen said that?!

Wen Ning meanwhile, is huddled in a corner, emitting some kind of mental anguish while holding the A-Yuan who appears to have built up a tolerance for that brand of moroseness.

Wen Qing thankfully takes pity on them and disperses the nosy bunch with a loud clap. “Alright, alright. Settle down everyone. Yeah, handsome guy is a handsome guy but we have to go now or else we’ll get disqualified.”

She looks at their new guest and cheekily held out her hand to Lan Wangji. “Hi. Wen Qing. I’m this idiot’s conscience.”

“Lan Wangji.” He tensely replies and makes no move to grab the offered hand.

“Oh wow.” She pulls back her hand, looking both amused and unimpressed. “You really are constipated. Well, alright then. A-Ning! Don’t stay there or else you’ll get left behind!”

Wen Ning jumps and scurries towards them with the baby in tow. A-Yuan lights as soon as he recognizes the newcomers and starts wriggling out to reach them.

Wei Wuxian laughs and bops the toddler’s nose. “Hi little monster! Miss me?”

Wen Qing looks at him with clear distrust. “As I said..”

“Yeah, yeah. Got it. Safe, sane, consensual. All that jazz?”

Wen Qing grinds her teeth before launching into another long tirade. She only stops when Wen Ning drags her away while nervously citing their bus schedule, leaving the house and the baby to Wei Wuxian’s mercy.

The others half heartedly departs as well after a long bout of Wei Wuxian’s vigorous effort to fending off attempts of old people hugging, directed at miserably still Lan Zhan. 

Just when the door is closed, Wei Wuxian  noticed the newly pasted sign with ‘No Boning!’ written in furious characters on the back of the door and laughs himself sick.  That sister is pretty thorough hahahaha.

After a while Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Zhan from his lounging spot at the sofa, strumming a the traffic safety song on a small ukulele while A-Yuan watches him with an adoring eyes. Feeling mischievous, he crawls closer to Lan Wangji’s side, landing a swift peck on pale cheek.

“Hi.” He said as Lan Wangji turns his head, taking the chance to lands another peck at the other cheek.

Lan Wangji’s lifts the corner of his mouth slightly. “Hi.”

.....

Extra: Extra

HuaLu-2018 Law Undergrad Group (32 members)

✼张茉莉✼*¨：AAAGGGHH IT CHANGED AGAAINN

Hou TianYi: The deadline?? 

Hou TianYi: NOO I haven’t even done with the citations!!

Selina 鋈: Oh. OOHHHHHH?!!!!

Selina 鋈:  NOOOO I haven’t even saved the last oneeee

-FU ETHAN-:What are you talking about??

玫瑰-Rose:  MEE NEITHEEEEERRR!! 

玫瑰-Rose: But! This new one is hot as weelll

玫瑰-Rose:  Also HOLYSHIT IS THAT ANOTHER HUMAN IN THE PHOTO

Jason: It’s classmate Lan again isn’t it? -_-

Hou TianYi: oh thank god, I thought it’s the deadline

Hou Tianyi: Whoa, there’s someone else in the photo.

Longtao Xue: God, you girls are creepy.

*ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚: There’s another person in the photo!!!!

*ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚: Why does that surprise me?

✼张茉莉✼*¨：Oh wow. His friend is also HOT AF

玫瑰-Rose:  I knoooww!!

明熟：He have a friend?!!!!

Kathleen Qi: You guys, he’s still in this group.

Kathleen Qi: Why do I feel like talking to a wall here

♫彩色♬♪：He Have A Friend?!!!

Jason: He’s also a human being you guys -_-

Longtao Xue: Maybe it’s the guy who took the last photo?

明熟：Ooh rightt! 

明熟：This photo is also pretty good

YuE: Whoa. Classmate Lan is posing with someone!!

YuE: They look pretty close, whoa.

YuE: Who is that guy?!!

My boyfriend: 蓝忘机

Jason: YOU DIDN’T BLOCK US?!!

Jason: Whoa man. Congrats?!

Kathleen Qi: I told you guys already (—__—‘)

Kathleen Qi: Also, congratulations, classmate Lan. Your BF’s hot

YuE: OMG DUDEEEE!??!

Thank you. : 蓝忘机

.........

“Wangji.” Lan Xichen makes a face. “I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to put couples selfie in a dating app?” Isn’t that kinda defeats the whole purpose? Pretty sure dating app is not a place to flaunt your date.

“Nnn.”