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Chapter Text

Through A Mother's Eyes

"If I were hanged on the highest hill,

I know whose love would follow me still.

If I were drowned in the deepest sea,

I know whose tears would come down to me.

If I were damned of body and soul,

I know who prayers would make me whole.

Mother o' mine, O Mother o' mine."

(Rudyard Kipling)

To the inhabitants of Sunnydale, California, it had been a mere two nights since the town was released from a random bout of musical fever. People that had been singing and dancing openly in the streets about any and all topics were now once again walking sedately in the darkened streets, any thought of supernatural beings or events completely forgotten.

However, to the two figures currently standing in the middle of Restfield Cemetery, it was the cause of their current disagreement.

Platinum blonde hair shining in the moonlight, and blue eyes revealing the depth of his distress, the man flung out his arms agitatedly, the movement causing his long black leather duster to swirl around his lithe form.

'You can't just expect me to forget about this, Buffy,' he argued furiously. 'We kissed and we both knew what we were doing this time. All the spell did was make us sing about our feelings, it didn't give any to us.'

'It was just one kiss, Spike. That's all! This is the Hellmouth, remember? Weird things happen all the time. Just drop it all right.'

Frustrated, Buffy spun away from her companion, her stream of blonde hair lashing out and her green eyes tired and distraught.

'It bloody well was more than a soddin' kiss, Buffy,' Spike retorted angrily. 'Why can't you just admit that you felt something?'

'Damn it, Spike, just shut up.' Twisting back around, Buffy glared at the one person she had thought she could trust not to pressure her in any way. 'I'm the Slayer. You're a vampire. There is nothing and can be nothing between us.'

Scoffing indignantly, Spike pointed out, 'him being a vampire didn't stop you from goin’ and gettin' all snuggly with Angel.'

Buffy paused momentarily before defending herself with, 'he was different. He has a so-'

'God help me if you pull that soul line on me once more, Slayer,' Spike finally cried in aggravation. 'That soul of his doesn't mean squat. Angel or Angelus, they're the same bloody person, all that soul does is finally temper that vindictive streak in him. Doesn't matter what name he goes by, he's still a manipulative, self-absorbed ponce who only takes what he wants into consideration and sod everyone else.'

'Spike, I'm warning you...' Buffy held up her hand, a stake grasped between her deceptively delicate fingers.

Ignoring the threat, Spike, his pent up feelings finally released after months of rigid control, continued furiously, 'when you died, and your mates could've used his help, where was soulful Angel then? When Glory's followers were tearin’ up the town after you were gone, where was he? And who looked after the nibblet, and comforted her when she was found cryin’ over your grave in the middle of the night? Who protected your friends whilst they were on patrol, and guarded the Hellmouth without so much as a kind word, or even a bloody “thank you”? You want to know? Me! If a soul equals good then why the bloody hell wasn't the great poof here doing all that instead of me, the “evil, soulless thing”, who accordin’ to your precious scooby handbook is incapable of feelin’ anything apart from hatred. Which I have to say, luv, defies all the laws of nature. If a creature can feel one thing, they sure as hell can feel the complete opposite.'

'Spike-'

Buffy's attempt to interrupt went unheeded as Spike, his emotions completely in control of him, revealed with brutal honesty, 'you think Angelus was incapable of feelin’ anything but hatred? Why do you think Darla could get him to do whatever she wanted most of the time? He loved her that's why, well, as much as he's capable of lovin’ anything, with or without a soul. After he got cursed he still came back to her like a devoted dog. But guess what? To Darla a soul was like a disease, and she kicked him out after she couldn't “cure him” as she put it. Ironic isn't it? The things different people love.'

His voice finally breaking off, Spike seemed more weary than relieved at having revealed his feelings so completely, and, with a disgusted shrug, he pivoted around on his heel.

'Not that you'll believe me anyway,' he muttered. 'Just pass it off as another one of Spike's delusional rants and say “who cares what he thinks, he's nothin’ but a soulless vamp after all”. Well, sod you and your bloody opinion! Go back to your scooby friends, pretend all is right with the world and dream of the broody ponce, and your happy ever after with the white picket fence. Hope the damn poof falls on it!'

Not waiting to see what effect this outburst may have had on the woman behind him, Spike took off into the night, his black duster flaring out behind him.

Stricken into momentary silence, Buffy remained motionless, her eyes filled with dismay and her free hand stretched out imploringly in front of her as her mouth whispered regretfully,

'Spike....'

Chapter Text

The bell to the Magic Box rang out gently as Buffy entered slowly, her head hanging listlessly and arms folded defensively across her chest.

Upon seeing her enter the group scattered around the shop grew silent, and after a moment's hesitation greeted her uncertainly. Her revelation of being ripped out of heaven was still fresh in everyone’s memory, and, if the group wasn't encouraging her to talk about it, they attempted to avoid the subject with awkward platitudes and forced normalcy.

'Hey, Buffy.' Dawn's young voice was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. 'Where's Spike? He said he'd help me with my history assignment after you did patrol.'

Knowing what her sister's reaction would be if she told the truth and said that she had once again ticked the blonde vampire off to the extent he forgot all about his “little bit”, Buffy decided to compromise and said quietly, 'we had a few problems on patrol and he decided to do another sweep. He might be here later though.'

Dawn, her blue eyes sparkling and her brown hair hanging loosely past her shoulders, looked delighted at the news, and Buffy wondered vaguely why she hadn't previously noticed how close her sister and the blonde vampire had become.

'Well, it's good to see that Spike is still being helpful,' Giles spoke up, his expression thoughtful as he adjusted the glasses perched on his nose. 'I must say that he has truly surprised me with his actions. Although, he still has the remarkable ability to become an aggravating nuisance in less than five seconds.'

'Especially when he takes items from my precious inventory without giving me money,' Anya interjected frankly, her dyed blonde hair brushing against her face as she looked up from the bridal magazine she was studying. 'It is most inconvenient, and I cannot make money to pay for my expensive wedding if people don't pay for what they take.'

'Hey, Buff, can we speak to you?'

Turning her attention to her three other friends, Buffy noticed that they looked slightly uncomfortable and shifted warily under her gaze. Well, Tara did, with her blonde head bowed nervously and her soft eyes hesitantly meeting Buffy's. Xander and Willow merely looked reluctant, their eyes suspiciously incapable of meeting hers directly.

Inwardly sighing, and secretly dreading that the topic for discussion would be her heavenly experience, Buffy replied as calmly as she could, 'go ahead.'

Motioning her over, the three waited until she stood by the research table, where they had obviously been studying for some time judging by the pile of books strewn across its surface, before any of them spoke.

'Now, Buffy, we know you might not want to hear this,' Xander began, his brown eyes wary as his friend waved a hand tiredly.

'Cut to the chase, Xander, what is it?'

At Buffy's abrupt question, Xander held up his hands and declared, 'it's nothing too serious. Really. We just thought you should know in case something bad happens. Not of the Hellmouth bad, but slightly wiggy bad.'

Staring blankly at her dark haired friend, Buffy could only muster an inarticulate, 'huh?'

'What he's trying to say, Buffy,' Willow answered, her dark green eyes lowered as she smoothed back a stray red hair, 'is that we got concerned about how much Spike is hanging around lately. We were just worried in case he turned back into what he was like last year. You know, all Mister-stalker-chain-you-up-guy.'

'I-I t-tried to t-tell them t-that he w-wasn't,' Tara interjected nervously. 'He w-wouldn't do t-that.'

A horrible feeling began to creep over Buffy's body. 'What did you do?' she asked quietly, a hint of steel creeping into her voice. 'Since I gather this meeting isn't to tell me about what you were going to do, but what you have done.'

'It wasn't anything really,' Xander protested, a bit more loudly than he intended. The three other people in the shop immediately turned toward the group and moved closer. 'We just looked for something to keep him distracted so he wouldn't keep coming around you. I mean, come on, Buff, the guy just won’t take a hint, and it’s not like you’d ever be interested in him anyway.'

The burning sensation flooding her body rose even higher, and Buffy welcomed the awakening feeling. 'What did you do?' she repeated.

'We found a spell, the Spell of Metdolere, that would call forth his worst fear,' Willow replied, her tone defensive but unrepentant. ‘It shouldn’t hurt him, but it’ll keep him distracted for a while.’

'You stupid girl!' Anya's shocked exclamation caused everyone to turn in her direction. 'You used the Spell of Metdolere on a vampire? Are you completely incompetent?'

Whipping off his glasses, Giles shot a fiery glare toward the group near the research table. 'And whose brilliant idea was this one?' he demanded furiously. 'Have you imbecilic children learnt nothing from Buffy's experience? Magic is not a play thing, and nor is it to be used by ignorant fools with delusions of their own ability.'

'Oi, does someone want to tell me what the bloody hell is going on?'

Shocked, the adults in the room turned to face the image of a furious Dawn Summers, whose hands rested aggressively on her hips as her eyes glittered threateningly.

'Whoa, I think someone's been spending way too much time with the evil undead,' Xander commented under his breath.

'Dawnie, you shouldn't use bad language,' Willow tried to remonstrate the teenager, only to have the full force of Dawn's glare turned on her.

'I'll say whatever the hell I want,' Dawn retorted icily. 'I want to know what's going on with Spike, why you did that Meat-Dull-Ear spell on him, and what it is.'

'Met-dol-ere,' Anya corrected automatically. 'It uses the subconscious of the victim to identify the thing that haunts them the most and then summons it, or them, even through time if need be, and makes them corporeal. Willow made the very amateurish mistake of assuming it is something they fear and which wouldn’t take physical form – a common error if you don’t research the spell properly, as a fear and something that haunts are two very different things. The spell is commonly used to wreck vengeance on those whom the caster wishes to drive insane, or in the hope that whatever is summoned will kill the victim or drive them to take their own life.'

'And doing it on a vampire is the height of stupidity,' Giles interrupted coldly. 'What in blazes were you thinking?'

'But it can't be that bad,' Xander said cluelessly. 'I mean the thing that haunts a vamp? Gotta be the thought of getting caught in sunlight, or having a stake put through their heart.'

'It doesn't work that way,' Anya pointed out in frustration, slamming her magazine closed with a loud slap. 'Weren’t you listening to me before? Don't any of you even read the background on these spells? The thing that haunts has to have already happened, not something that could happen. It could be someone you were terrified of in the past who did something to you, or it could even be in the form of a natural disaster, in which case you'd better hope Spike isn't haunted by the memory of a massive tsunami or we'll all be getting very drowned and all my lovely inventory will need to be replaced.'

'In any case,' Giles bit out shortly, 'once it or they are here you can't get rid of it magically. If it's a natural disaster then it will run its course, and if it's a living being then the only way to eradicate it is for it to die or be killed.'

Sinking tiredly into a chair, Buffy sighed wearily and asked, 'when will we know what it is? Anya? Giles?'

Rubbing the bridge of his nose Giles replaced his glasses slowly as he replied, 'once the spell has worked its way through the victim's subconscious, in this case Spike's, God help us, if it's a natural disaster it will happen within a two mile radius of where they are currently situated. If it's a person they will appear within the spellcaster's circle.'

Directing her gaze to her redheaded friend, Buffy asked, 'where did you do the spell?'

Pointing to an area of the shop that was partially hidden behind a bookshelf, Willow replied, 'over there.'

Rising slowly, Buffy walked toward the area and spotted the faint outline of a vacant, faded circle on the floor.

'Well, it's empty at the moment,' she informed the room. 'When did you do the spell?'

'About twenty minutes ago when the others went out to get dinner,' Willow answered, her expression now mildly contrite as the realisation of what she might have unleased began to cross her mind.

'In that case it can't be too much longer,' Giles began, only to be cut off as a blinding light illuminated the room and a figure began to materialise in the circle.

Slowly approaching the circle, the group watched apprehensively as the form took shape.

As the light gradually faded, and their eyes readjusted, the group stared in astonishment at the figure that stood before them.

Greying blonde hair swept up into a myriad of braids, the elegant Victorian dress of pale blue silk flowing to the ground with a delicate woollen shawl hanging from slim shoulders, and frightened blue eyes examining them from a gentle face, was the person that apparently haunted Spike's subconscious the most.

'Oh, heaven protect me.'

The strange woman's softly accented and genteel voice was followed by a hasty blessing upon herself.

'It's all right, you know. We won't hurt you.'

At the sound of Dawn's voice the woman startled slightly before turning her gaze in the teenager's direction.

Galvanised into action by Dawn's voice the others in the room, with the exception of Buffy, immediately began speaking and moving toward the bewildered woman.

'You know she isn't exactly my idea of haunting material for deadboy junior.'

'I must've done something wrong in the incantation.'

'I do apologise, madam, for the fright you must have experienced.'

'Would you like to sit down?'

'It must have been terrifying being called forward so far in time. It can be quite distressing, I understand. I once had a woman wish her husband -'

'Anya!'

Backing away from the advancing group, the woman gave a small exclamation of distress before declaring in a tremulous voice, 'in the name of My Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, I command you demons to return whence you came and release me from this strange illusion you have created about me.'

Halting in confusion, the group looked at one another in disbelief as Buffy and Dawn strived to control their amused laughter at the sight of their friends’ gobsmacked expressions.

'Oh dear Lord!' Fiddling fastidiously with his cuffs, Giles attempted to calm the panicked woman. 'My dear lady, we are not demons, and we mean you no harm. You were brought here inadvertently, and I apologise most profusely for the alarm we have caused you. I promise we shall find a way to return you to your home.'

'Did you also bring my son here?' the woman asked, her demeanour changing instantly from warily brave to outraged indignation in a second as motherly instinct arose within her. 'He has been missing for three days now, and if I find that you have brought him here and harmed a single hair on his head -'

'I can assure you, madam, that we have not seen your son,' Giles informed her. 'We -'

The sound of the front door crashing open caused Giles to break off, and in an instant another voice filled the sudden silence.

''Evenin’ all, just thought you all might like to know that Willy says that a group of Mjavlock demons are....'

What the Mjavlock demons were doing they never heard as Spike's voice trailed off slowly.

Glancing at Spike's face, Buffy saw his face turn ashen and his eyes widen as they focused on the woman standing near the bookshelf.

Puzzled, the group all fixed their attention on Spike as he swallowed convulsively, his hands noticeably trembling before he shoved them deeply into his pockets.

'That's not - how -'

Cutting himself off, Spike directed a furious glare in Willow's direction.

'This your doing, Red? Had enough of screwin’ up other peoples lives by foolin’ around with the mojo and decided to play a round of torment-Spike?' Shaking his head, he took another look at the woman who was now staring at him in gathering relief. 'Not goin’ to work, witch. Whatever hocus pocus you've cooked up isn't goin’ to be enough to convince me that that thing, or whatever it is, is actually -'

'William?'

The woman's voice was suddenly much frailer, and Spike jerked away infuriated.

'Listen, ducks, I've got no idea how they got you to agree to this, but let me tell you, it won't work. Nice job with the togs and hair though.'

Waving a hand contemptuously at the group, Spike spun around toward the door, pausing only to shoot over his shoulder, 'I'd have thought you'd be above usin’ the memory of a person's loved ones against them, Slayer, given your own experience. Proves how mistaken you can be about some people, doesn't it?'

Rushing forward, Buffy grabbed his arm before he could leave and pulled him back into the room.

'Listen, you idiot, I didn't have anything to do with this,' she informed him loudly, and then more softly, 'please, Spike. I would never do, or agree to something like this.'

Sighing heavily, Spike ran a hand through his hair before allowing his shoulders to slump.

'I know that, pet. I was just shocked to see her face is all; though how they knew what she looked like is beyond me.' Casting another quick look at the distraught woman behind the scoobies, Spike closed his eyes briefly and said quietly, 'it's not her though. She died over a century ago.'

Reacting to the barely concealed pain in the vampire's voice, Buffy reached out and gently touched his shoulder, the memory of their earlier argument completely forgotten.

'Maybe you should give her a chance to prove it,' she said. 'I know if someone who looked like my mom or Merrick suddenly appeared in front of me I'd want to make sure it wasn't them before I walked away.'

The room waited in silence as Spike pondered in silence for a moment before his jaw tightened, and, with a resolute air, he spun toward the woman and said quietly, 'if you really are her then prove it to me.'

The woman clutched the white shawl around her shoulders as her confused eyes took in Spike's rigid stance. 'William, what is wrong? I've been so worried. And what has become of your hair and your clothes?'

Struggling to retain his impassive expression, and ignoring the gathering suspicion from the other occupants of the room, Spike, his voice unconsciously gliding into a more refined accent, asked implacably, 'what was the name of the very first book you gave me?'

The confused look disappeared from the woman's eyes, and bestowing a gentle smile on Spike, she informed him quietly, 'Hans Christian Andersen's Fairy-Tales. I gave it to you on your fifth birthday.'

Unconsciously taking a small step forward, Spike asked another question, his voice slightly less harsh. 'And what name did I give to the gelding you gave to me when I was ten?'

The woman's shoulders relaxed, and a slightly amused smile graced her tired face as she replied tenderly, 'Areion. You told me it was because you knew he could speak to you.'

'Of course, the horse in Greek mythology that was divinely bred and was endowed with the gift of speech.'

Giles' stunned remark passed unnoticed as everyone kept their attention focused on Spike, whose face had now gentled and was now gazing at the woman with a mixture of gathering wonder and unashamed adoration.

'And what is my greatest treasure in this world?'

Most of the scoobies almost snorted at this as they stared at his beaten leather duster. To Spike the thing was like a second skin.

However, the gentle woman in their midst took a step closer to the blonde vampire and, in the sweetest voice they had heard from her, she said with obvious love and affection, 'whilst many crave wealth and power, and would treasure these above all else, you treasure having the one you love happy and well; as I have cause to know, William.'

The last vestige of defence cracked and fell from Spike's face, and without another word he had crossed the room and gathered the woman in his arms, resting his head on her greying hair and placing a gentle kiss on her brow.

'Mother! It is you!'

The overwhelming love in the vampire's voice surprised the entire room, as did his open display of tenderness. To his mother, however, the display was not unexpected, and with a gentle smile she returned his embrace with warmth.

'My dear son.' The murmured words carried through the silent shop as the occupants stared in shock at the pair before them.

Drawing back slightly and reaching a delicate hand up to her son's face, Spike's mother clasped his cheek softly and gazed intently into his eyes for a long minute. Finally, she observed with wonder, 'you have changed in so many ways, William, but your eyes! I would recognise them no matter how much you altered your appearance. They shine with so much light and warmth.'

Raising his own hand, Spike laid it gently on his mother's shoulder and informed her quietly, 'and they always will for you, Mother; for after all, “Motherhood is priced of God, at price no man may dare to lessen or misunderstand”.'

'Helen Hunt Jackson,' Tara whispered, staring at Spike in shock.

'Who?' Buffy asked bewildered without taking her eyes off the scene in front of her.

'She was a famous writer in the 1800's,' Tara replied softly.

'William, I –' Spike's mother broke off suddenly as a harsh bout of coughing had her leaning heavily against her son, a hand covering her mouth desperately.

Within an instant, Spike had swept his mother into his arms and was striding toward the research table, his voice strained with suppressed worry as he called out, 'Nibblet, fetch us a glass of water please, pet.'

Lowering his mother gently onto one of the chairs, Spike quickly patted down his pockets, eventually coming up with a rather clean handkerchief made of fine white silk with blue embroidery around the edges.

Giles' eyes widened in recognition, but, before he could lay claim to the stolen item, Spike had knelt down beside his distressed mother, and, pressing the handkerchief into her hand, soothed her quietly.

'It's all right, Mother, I'm here.' Pausing to take the glass of water that Dawn was holding out to him, Spike gave the teenager a grateful smile before returning his attention to his mother.

Placing her free hand around the small glass, Spike directed her with mild authority, 'drink this slowly, Mother, and do not try to talk until you have finished it.'

As Spike's mother lowered the handkerchief in her hand the group were alarmed to see bright red spots now staining the once pristine white cloth.

Stepping forward, Buffy felt a familiar wave of concern flood through her. Strangely, it was the same feeling that she had felt whenever she had watched over her own mother during her illness.

'Is she OK?'

At the sound of Buffy's worried question, Spike tilted his head to look at her. Upon searching his carefully neutral expression, Buffy was stricken when she perceived the helpless despair that lay barely concealed in his blue eyes.

'Dr Gull has said that she will be fine,' he answered with a reassuring glance to his mother. 'And I will do whatever it takes to ensure that she remains alive and well.'

Frowning at the strange emphasis Spike had placed on the word, Buffy, her own miseries forgotten in the face of the frail woman's distress, slowly approached the pair at the table, and with empathetic compassion said solemnly, 'of course she'll get well. Modern medicine is brilliant you know. They can cure all sorts of things these days.' Turning to face Spike's mother, who had regained some of her composure, Buffy smiled and said politely, 'I'm sorry for the fright we gave you, Mrs -'

Regarding the strange girl before her for a brief moment, Spike's mother seemed reassured by whatever she found in Buffy's expression as she smiled back sweetly and informed her in a weakened voice, 'Anne Pratt, my dear, and I trust my son will soon introduce you all as it appears you are acquainted with him. Although, and I mean no offence, child, I am puzzled by your manner of dress and turn of speech. It is most unusual.'

'You must pardon us, Mrs Pratt, for the abominable lack of manners we have displayed.' Walking forward, Giles politely inclined his head in greeting as he informed her diplomatically, 'it may be best if your son William explains the situation to you as it may sound quite fanciful coming from someone with whom you have no previous acquaintance.'

Soft blue eyes gazed up at him, and Giles instantly recognised the assessing stare that he had been the recipient of many times in the past from an identical pair of blue eyes, albeit in a man’s face.

Finally, the older woman nodded. 'Yes, that may be best. My dear William takes ever such good care of me. No woman could ask for a more devoted, or loving son. I have often thought he should find a more worthy recipient for his dedication than myself, for I am afraid I have not been able to fulfil my role of mother very well.'

Everyone was startled when Spike whipped his head around to stare at his mother and told her with gentle sternness, 'don't ever say that, Mother. You have a place in my heart that no other will ever be able to fill, and I will see no harm come to you. You are, and will always be, the best of mothers.' His face relaxing into an expression of tolerant amusement, he reached out and grasped her hand carefully as he said warmly, 'so no more nonsense about your unworthiness.'

Smiling affectionately at her son, Anne nodded slowly. 'All right, William, I could never refuse you anything, and I would miss your dear voice should you ever leave me completely.'

Buffy witnessed a strange expression cross Spike's eyes before he answered with an odd intensity, 'I will never leave you behind, Mother, you know that. I could never abandon you, no matter what happened to me.'

A vague suspicion began to grow in Buffy's mind, but before she could even voice it Spike had stood up and was now bending down to assist his mother to stand.

'Now, Mother, I know you'd like a proper introduction to everyone and an explanation, but I want to get you settled first. I'll need to find somewhere for you to stay as really the place I'm at isn't really suitable for -'

'She can stay with us.'

Dawn's excited voice rang through the shop. As everyone turned to look at her Dawn focused her eyes on Buffy's stunned face and said earnestly, 'she can have my room. I don't mind sleeping on the couch.'

'Um, Dawn, I don’t think that's a really -'

Willow went quiet as Dawn shot her an angry look. 'It's Buffy's house, and whose fault is it that this happened anyway?'

'I would not wish to impose upon your household,' Anne began to protest diffidently, but surprisingly it was Buffy who waved this aside.

'It's OK,' she said, a genuine smile spread across her lips. 'I don't mind, and it's no trouble at all. You can have my room, Mrs Pratt. It's larger than my sister's, not to mention tidier.'

Shocked into silence, Spike could only stare at the blonde in front of him as she stepped closer to his mother and held out her hand.

'I'm Buffy Summers by the way, and the hyperactive girl over there is my sister, Dawn.' Pointing toward Dawn, who was jumping around excitedly whilst gathering her school things together, Buffy smiled as she gently shook Anne's hand. 'Sp- um, William is a good friend of ours, and we'd love to have you stay with us. Plus I can arrange an appointment for you to meet with the doctor that treated my mom if you like.'

Slightly overwhelmed, Anne smiled gratefully at the young woman in front of her. 'If you are certain it will be of no inconvenience to you, Miss Summers.'

Her eyes finally alight with a spark that had not been there in some time, Buffy's smile widened as she said, 'oh, just call me Buffy. Now Sp- um, William, if you take your mother to the house I'm sure Giles could drive you there. I don't think you'd want to walk there at this time of night.'

As Giles confirmed his willingness to assist, Spike, his power of speech restored, sent an appreciative smile in Buffy's direction as he murmured a heartfelt, 'thanks, pet.'

'It's the least I could do, Spike,' Buffy replied quietly as Giles, in the manner of any well-bred Englishman, engaged Anne in a polite conversation about the diversity of Californian weather. 'You helped look after my mom, now it's my turn to help with yours.'

'I won't ever forget this, love.' Spike shot a glance toward his mother who was laughing softly at something Giles had just said. 'My whole life there's only ever been one person who loved me unconditionally. One person to ever believe in me with her whole heart, and I couldn't even save her.'

Reacting to the unspoken anguish in his voice, Buffy instinctively reached out and touched his arm. 'We will save her, Spike,' she promised. 'We'll find out what's wrong and we'll get it treated.'

His blue eyes wide in gratitude, Spike could only nod and say quietly, 'I'll do whatever it takes to get her better. To see her well again is all I ask.'

'I know, Spike.' Turning to stare at the woman who had raised the man she had glimpsed so many times in the vampire beside her, Buffy thought of her own mother and the exact same sentiment she had felt upon seeing her so ill. 'I truly know.'

Chapter Text

Some hours later once everyone had gone to bed, and the house in Revello Drive had fallen into silence, Buffy stood in the doorway of her bedroom, a tiny smile appearing on her lips as she gazed upon its two occupants.

Anne lay lightly sleeping on the bed in an old nightgown of Joyce's that Spike confirmed would meet with a Victorian lady’s idea of appropriate night attire. Beside the bed Spike sat on the floor, his head resting against the mattress as he dozed, his face turned toward his mother as though frightened even in his sleep that she would disappear once more.

Earlier that evening when Buffy had arrived at the house, after ensuring that Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara would under no circumstances say anything in front of Mrs Pratt that could either offend or distress her further, she had discovered Giles, Spike and Anne discussing, of all things, the various monarchs of the British Empire. An almost animated Anne was describing the day she had been presented to Queen Victoria, and Giles was almost giddy with delight upon getting a firsthand account on one of the longest lived monarchs of his country.

Dawn, in a fever of anticipation, had already started cleaning Buffy's room and preparing it for “Spike's Mom!” and her footsteps could be heard rushing around upstairs.

It had been amusing seeing Anne's reaction to all the modern conveniences that the rest of them took for granted, especially the marvels of advanced plumbing. And after Spike had declared it time for Anne to rest, with Dawn having immediately volunteered her services to help her change, Buffy had listened as Spike recounted with fond amusement his mother's incredulous reaction to Giles' red sports car.

Once Anne had been settled into bed she and Spike had spoken privately as he attempted to explain the situation to his Victorian mother, being careful to omit any mention of the spell that Buffy and Giles had mentioned to him. Thankfully, when Buffy had joined them at Anne's insistence, Anne Pratt was of a mind to be rather intrigued by the idea of travelling in time rather than petrified of it, and Buffy began to see where Spike must have gotten his remarkable ability to continue to adapt to the continuous changes he had encountered during the past century.

As her eyes continued to gaze at the mother and son in front of her, Buffy was astonished to realise how alike the two were. Not just in appearance, but in personality and odd little gestures they would both do whilst speaking. And recalling their interaction with each other, Buffy was in no doubt of the genuine love and affection that existed between the two.

Which makes it ridiculous to think that we all believed he killed his family when he became a vampire, Buffy mused thoughtfully. But then again, why would the memory of his mother haunt him? Was it because she did die after he became a vampire, and in his mind he failed to save her because he wasn’t there? How can he be so different to other vampires? Angel admitted that he killed his entire family, and yet here's Spike, without a soul, nearly in tears because his mother is alive again. How does he do it? Is it just him, or are there other vampires equally capable of loving to this extent?

Buffy's contemplations were cut short as Spike shifted slightly before slowly opening his eyes. As Buffy watched, his face broke into an adoring smile as he, oblivious to Buffy's presence in the doorway, rose up onto his knees beside his mother's sleeping form, and clasping the small, pale hand that lay closest to him pressed a chaste kiss upon the aged skin.

And then, when Buffy believed herself to be past being surprised by anything the blonde vampire may do, she found herself completely stupefied when his voice recited with quiet sincerity,

'If ever I should forget the dear face before me,

Dear Lord, I beg pardon and gently implore thee,

preserve her in your eternal grace,

let no man nor nature ever deface,

the bright golden hair and tender blue eyes

that so oft turned to your radiant skies.

For this humble servant, you surely must see,

is the blessed Mother that you gave to me.

Her kindness and warmth are her silver and gold,

a better dowry man never beheld.

So keep her in your hands I pray,

until the day you must call her away.'

Green eyes shimmering with unshed tears, Buffy slowly backed away from the doorway, uncomfortably aware that she had just intruded on an exceptionally private moment for Spike.

Unfortunately, as she took another step, her foot connected with the table just outside her room. The resulting thump had her freezing on the spot as Spike leapt stealthily to his feet, all signs of vulnerability disappearing from his face as he spun around to confront his audience.

'Buffy?'

Spike's whispered voice held a faint note of surprise as he silently moved out of the bedroom and regarded the blonde slayer curiously.

'What's wrong, luv?'

Striving to conceal the inner turmoil she was feeling, Buffy attempted to distract the vampire's attention. 'How's your mother?'

'Unwilling to cause any fuss, as always. Thankfully, she's in a light sleep at the moment.' Raking a hand through his hair Spike sighed, before he murmured absently, 'after all these years I could still recognise the sound she makes when she coughs like that. Like her lungs were about to come out of her mouth.'

Nodding in understanding, Buffy replied softly, 'I don't think it's something anyone would forget, Spike – especially if it's someone you love.'

Walking farther away from the door to avoid awakening his mother, Spike, his thoughts clearly in another time and place, said with devoted simplicity, 'she's all I have. And I'm all she has. It's been just the two of us for so long now that I could never abandon her. She's my comfort and my strength. The dearest and best of anything that surrounds me, and she’s both my friend and my mother.'

As Spike went to sit down Buffy realised with a start that they had actually walked down the stairs and were in the lounge room.

Way to be aware of your surroundings, she mocked herself as she followed Spike's example and sat down on the couch beside him.

'Spike, do you actually know what your mum has?' she asked, her soft tone taking the edge off the blunt question.

Closing his eyes, Spike leant back against the couch and let out a deep sigh. 'I know,' he replied distantly, 'Dr Gull called it consumption, although these days it's known as TB or tuberculosis.'

Buffy's eyes widened. 'Oh, Spike, I'm so sorry.'

Turning a wry smile in her direction Spike shook his head as he told her, 'not like it's your fault, luv. Bloody thing was right common in my time, although the docs knew sod all about how to treat it properly. Some of the things they prescribed for Mum....' Spike broke off and chuckled, although Buffy heard no genuine amusement in the sound. 'The damn old fools at one time thought that by sucking blood you could cure it. So they gave my mum bottled blood to drink! Ironic isn't it? They tried to turn my mum into a human vampire.'

Wrinkling her nose, Buffy fought to control the nausea she felt at the thought. Eventually she had composed herself enough to ask, 'so, what happened when they tried that?'

'Poor love went and vomited the whole lot back up,' Spike informed her, his eyes narrowing at the memory. 'The agony it put her through almost destroyed her. For three days she remained in bed and I never left her side. Guess I was afraid that if I left even for a moment that would be when she....'

Spike had no need to finish his sentence as Buffy knew all too well what he was leaving out.

'After that first time she refused to do it again, and I swore if ever I found a way to cure her that I would make sure it was as painless as possible.' As Spike's voice halted Buffy noticed the haunted expression flash across his eyes before he muttered with bitter self-hatred, 'of course, like all my bloody ideas that one worked out so well.'

A dreadful thought began to form in Buffy's mind, and as she took in Spike's tormented eyes, and his tightly clenched fists, she felt her suspicion strengthen.

'What happened, Spike?' she asked quietly, her tone carefully neutral. 'How did she die?'

The room was frozen into stillness for a long moment until the words seemed to burst forth from the remorseful vampire, like water pouring from a broken dam.

'I turned her, all right!'

Leaping to his feet, Spike flung his arms wide as he finally released all the guilt he had been holding for over a century in a desperate cry for understanding and forgiveness.

'She was my mother and she was dying! Slowly, painfully! The most radiant, most beautiful woman on God’s earth whom I loved more than anything else in the world and I had to watch her, day after every soddin' day, see her become paler and more frail than she should ever have to be. I was the one who carried her to her room when she felt too weak to make it up the stairs by herself. I thought I could save her! When Dru turned me that night I felt so strong, so powerful when I woke up! I wanted that for her, to make her well! I thought by making her a vampire I was saving her! But she was so different. The things she said to me, the things she did! S-She wasn't - my mother would never want to be like that. I couldn't let that happen, not to her. So I staked her. I bloody well killed my mother twice! And each time I had to watch the light disappear from her eyes and know I was the one who did it. Not the soddin' doctors, ME! Her own worthless git of a son!'

Crushed by the release of his emotions Spike sank to floor, the very picture of abject remorse and grief.

Frozen by the revelations she had just heard, Buffy simply stared at the vampire in front of her, her mind conflicted by so many emotions she did not know which was the most prominent. Anger, pity, disgust, understanding and compassion were all racing through her mind, each fighting to break free to either confront or console the broken figure before her.

However, as she continued to sit, her conflicting emotions warring within her, neither Buffy nor the distraught Spike noticed the figure clutching desperately at the doorframe.

Their face pale with shock, the figure gazed at the occupants of the room with a dismayed expression, which quickly transformed into one of loving compassion as the person focused their attention on Spike's bowed head.

Moving carefully toward the oblivious vampire, the figure sank down beside him and with infinite tenderness laid a gentle hand on his head.

'My dear son, if every mother were so blessed to have a son such as you not one of them would ever want for anything.'

Placing her small hand beneath Spike's chin Anne tilted his head so that his distressed gaze met her warm one.

'William, I cannot apologise for overhearing your private discussion with your friend as it permitted me to learn all that you would have concealed out of concern for me. Oh, William, do you truly believe that I could ever hate you, no matter what you have done? My beloved son, you have been my pride and joy since the day I first held you in my arms. I watched as you grew every year, your eyes always so bright and burning with an inner wonder at life that shone so clearly it cheered me whenever I felt close to despair. Your continuous selfless acts of love for me I have treasured.'

'But I killed you, Mother,' Spike cried out hoarsely.

'And yet, here I am,' Anne replied softly. 'William, I do not pretend to understand all that I heard, especially your mention of vampires, which I have always understood to only exist within the pages of novels, like that of Mr Polidori. But, my son, of one thing I am sure. I know that you would only have done what you did out of love for me and no other reason. And, William: what mother could accuse her child of the crime of loving her too much? There is no such thing in this world. But, if you truly believe you have wronged me, then I forgive you, freely and completely as I always have and always will. Your heart and capacity for love is the greatest gift you possess, William, and nothing will ever take that away.'

The tender words were like a balm to Spike's afflicted mind, and the proud vampire was once again a penitent child, desperate for his mother's comforting embrace.

'I'm sorry, Mother. I am so sorry.'

Clasping her tearful son in her trembling arms, Anne closed her eyes, her gentle heart aching for her child's pain.

It was at this point that Buffy, her body sitting immobile on the couch and mind overwhelmed by the display of merciful forgiveness she had just witnessed, realised that she had never seen Spike so overcome with grief. After Drusilla left him he had been a mess, heartbroken definitely, but not to this level of devastation. If Dawn was to be believed he had exhibited a similar level immediately after she had died, but then he had become like stone, his emotions guarded behind an impenetrable wall that he let down only slightly for Dawn, but which no one else could ever breach.

There could be no doubt in Buffy's mind that Spike truly regretted what he had done to his mother. Had regretted it, in fact, since the moment he realised what becoming a vampire had done to her. The fact that his motives were also selfless, done out of a desire to see his mother well, only made the crime, in Spike's mind, all the more heinous.

In fact, Buffy was coming to realise that the whole Council of Watchers was mistaken in what they thought a vampire was. It wasn't that a monster took over the dead body and only retained the memories of the person. The vampire was that person, but with a monster there along with them, and sometimes the monster was too powerful for the person to co-exist with and ended up being totally suppressed by it, as appeared to be what happened with Anne. But if the person was strong-willed enough, as Spike certainly demonstrated often enough, the person was able to almost overwhelm the monster if given the right motivation.

Allowing her eyes to rest on the familial scene before her, Buffy finally acknowledged that, regardless of whatever the Council or Angel told her, vampires could love. It was just that the strength of that love was varied, depending on how much influence the person was able to have on the demon. Evidently, William's capacity to love when he was human far surpassed any emotion the demon may have had, and that love had manifested itself repeatedly throughout the years.

Suddenly, Buffy became aware of the hush that had descended upon the room and her mind snapped back to her present surroundings. Glancing at the recovering Spike, Buffy had to smile as she noticed his awkwardness as he wiped at his eyes, accompanied by his rueful expression as he looked up at his mother.

When he spoke, Spike's voice, although slightly self-conscious, held a polished edge as he said quietly, 'I did not intend for you to find out about any of that, Mother. You should not have to hear about such things, nor be exposed to such an unseemly lack of control as I've just exhibited.'

As Anne gave a light, tender laugh, Buffy found herself smothering her desire to join in as she was sure her laughter would come out sounding more amused than anything else. Spike speaking like Giles is not something you hear every day, even if it is kind of sweet. And I can't believe I just thought of Spike and sweet in the same sentence, Buffy thought wryly.

'My dearest William, I always encouraged you to never be ashamed of your feelings.' Anne's peaceful voice reassured her son. 'And I would not have you suffer in silence, my son. No worry or grief should ever be carried alone. I'm grateful that I was able to offer what little comfort I could to ease your burden. To see you happy, William, is all I want.'

It seemed to Buffy that a reminiscent smile touched upon Spike's lips before he leant forward and lightly kissed his mother's cheek.

'Your happiness is my happiness, Mother,' he informed her softly. 'No matter what else changes that never will. And now,' drawing back slightly, Spike gazed at his mother sternly as he asked with mild reproof, 'what are you doing downstairs at this hour? You should be sleeping, Mother. You know you need to rest as much as possible.'

Buffy startled as she realised that indeed Anne was kneeling on her lounge room floor in nothing but Joyce's nightgown, her thin frame shivering slightly.

'Oh, I'm sorry!' Jumping to her feet, Buffy quickly retrieved a light woollen blanket from behind the couch and walking over to Anne placed it around her shoulders.

Smiling gratefully up at her Anne reassured her concerned companions. 'My dears, it's all right, I couldn't sleep very well so I decided to come downstairs to sit for a while. I did not mean to intrude upon your conversation with my son, Buffy.'

Sparing a glance for Spike, who was solicitously arranging the blanket more securely around his mother, Buffy thought she could detect a tightening around his mouth as he moved to lift Anne into his arms.

'That's OK, Mrs Pratt,' Buffy answered politely. 'And I totally understand about the not sleeping. It's pretty hard doing that in a strange place, isn't it? I can make you some tea if you like. I've gotten pretty good at making it, what with Giles being around all the time. He's really pedantic about how to make it properly. I never understood what he was talking about until I overheard Spike explaining it to my mom one time. Ever since then Giles said my tea making skills have become more tolerable than they were.'

By the time Buffy had finished babbling Spike had placed his mother on the recently vacated couch, and was shrugging out of his leather duster to place it over her legs for extra warmth.

'A cup of tea would be lovely thank you,' Anne replied gratefully. 'That is, if it's not too much trouble?'

Shaking her head Buffy smiled, and with a promise to be back with the tea she left the room, her slayer hearing making it impossible for her to shut out the conversation between mother and son as she entered the kitchen.

'Mother, please tell me the truth.' Spike knelt before his mother and, clasping one of her hands in his, gazed at her intensely. 'It was not inability to sleep that brought you downstairs. There is something bothering you, isn't there?' There was a brief pause before Spike added gently, 'I am no longer a child, Mother. You do not need to conceal anything from me. I know that you only ever sat downstairs at night when you were troubled by something and thought I wouldn't find out. You have done that ever since I can remember.'

In the kitchen as she slowly placed the cup and saucer on the bench Buffy clearly heard Anne's soft reply. 'William, you've been burdened by so many things, my son, and I don't wish to add to their number.'

'Looking after you is not a burden, Mother,' Spike replied seriously. 'It is something that I am compelled to do.'

'Compelled?' Anne's startled voice echoed the shock in Buffy's mind.

'Yes.' Spike's voice sounded quite amused as he said, 'do they not say that love is the greatest force in the world?'

A silent moment passed and then Buffy heard the sound of two sets of light chuckles coming from the lounge room.

'Oh, William, even as a child you always knew exactly what to say to make everything seem better. And your beautiful poetry brings me so much joy.'

Poetry! Buffy's ears pricked up at the word. Spike writes poetry!

'I think you may be slightly biased, Mother.' There was no mistaking the warm affection in Spike's voice. 'And now, will you not tell me what is troubling you?'

At that moment the kettle began boiling. Switching it off quickly, Buffy returned her attention to the conversation in the lounge room as she silently made the tea.

'It was just, oh, William, this will sound completely ridiculous to you! It was not that I could not sleep, but I was afraid to go back to sleep.'

'Why?' The single word held a wealth of genuine concern. 'What were you frightened of, Mother?'

In her mind Buffy could imagine the anxious expression on Anne's face as she heard her reply, 'I was terrified I had dreamt of seeing you again. When you were missing I was so worried, William. I didn't know what had become of you. I kept dreaming that I found you, but then I would wake up and you were still gone. Tonight when I came downstairs it was because I had to reassure myself that you were real, that I hadn't imagined you here in this strange world.'

'Oh, Mother, I can never apologise enough for the distress I have caused you.' Spike's voice was filled with contrition at being the cause of his mother's grief. 'But, I can promise that I will never again leave you. You have my word.'

'William, I was not chastising you.' Anne's voice was warm with affection. 'When I heard what you said in here just now, I realised that the worry I had gone through was nothing compared to the agony you have suffered for so many years. Did you not share your sufferings with anyone in all this time?'

'No, Mother. A vampire feeling guilt over something he's done isn't exactly considered normal. Besides, there was no one to tell that I felt I could trust or would understand.'

'Surely you have made friends though, William. That young lady, Buffy, is quite lovely and seems to know you very well. And you appear to know her family and all the people with whom she associates.'

Being out of sight Buffy thankfully did not see the hopeful flicker in Anne's eyes. Spike was not so fortunate.

'I'm not really what you would consider their friend, Mother,' Spike hedged carefully. 'I just lend a hand when I can. Although, I suppose you could say I get along better with Dawn than any of the others. She and I spent a lot of time together until recently when the group decided I wasn't a good influence on her.'

Buffy blushed slightly in shame as she recalled her own warning to stay away from Spike’s crypt that she'd given Dawn after the Sweet incident, her insecurities driving her to attempt to reduce her exposure to the vampire by getting her sister to give up the one person Buffy had trusted to keep her safe. Not that Dawn had paid that much attention to her though.

'But that is nonsense, William.' Anne's protestations rang with motherly indignation. 'Why, even Lady Averille was not averse to your taking her young nieces out for a walk when she came to see me, and they were not yet fifteen.'

'If I had been a vampire then, Mother, I don't think she would have been so complacent about it,' Spike offered quietly, his reluctance to reveal the truth to his mother evident in his voice. 'For despite what some of the novels say, Mother, vampires are not civilised and elegant creatures that attend fashionable assembly balls merely for entertainment, and they do not delicately bite their victims in exotic settings. We are soulless creatures that must drink blood to survive, preferably human as that is what gives us the greatest strength. And in order to get that blood most vampires hunt and kill their victims, regardless of age, gender or any other discriminating factor.'

'I see.' Only a slight tremor in her voice gave away the fact that Anne was disturbed by what Spike had said. However, when she next spoke her tone was one of gentle encouragement and compassion. 'And you, William, what path did you choose?'

There was a short silence and then, his voice low, Spike said honestly, 'I have killed people, Mother. I will not deny, nor attempt to make excuses for what I did. There is no way that I, or anyone, can, be they human or vampire. Facts don't change just because a person may change and wish they'd made another choice.'

'And do you, William? Do you wish you had decided differently?'

Buffy stood immobile in the kitchen doorway, Anne's cup of tea held in her hand and unconsciously holding her breath as she waited for Spike's reply.

'Yes.' The single word was heavy with sadness. 'I do wish I had. So many things in fact.'

Pondering what other decisions Spike actually regretted making to the extent that he would wish to change them, Buffy was shaken from her thoughts by Anne's next question.

'William, would you show me your vampire face?'

'What! Mother, you cannot be serious?'

'Please, my son. I feel as though I should see it.'

Walking quietly toward the lounge room, Buffy halted in the doorway as she saw Spike kneeling in front of his mother, his shoulders braced for rejection as, wordlessly, his face slowly shifted into his vampiric features.

Gazing upon the elongated fangs, furrowed forehead, and golden eyes, Anne inhaled sharply before she tentatively reached out with her hand and placed it against Spike's cheek.

Closely examining the distorted face before her, Anne's eyes suddenly filled with tears.

Before either Buffy or Spike could ask the reason for her tears, Anne had placed her other hand on Spike's opposite cheek and was leaning forward to place a tender kiss on his forehead.

'I knew it would be so,' she murmured enigmatically.

'Mother?'

'Your eyes,' Anne whispered in explanation. 'They did not change. Your heart still shines through them, William, just as I knew it would.'

Allowing his features to melt back into his human guise, Spike, becoming aware of Buffy's presence behind him, turned his head and caught her watching them with a strange expression on her face.

Hastily rising to his feet, Spike retreated as Buffy offered the cup of tea to Anne with a small smile and a, 'hope it's OK.'

Accepting the tea with a sweet smile Anne thanked Buffy quietly and then commented absently, 'everything for which I could have hoped.'

Spike and Buffy exchanged puzzled glances before shrugging. No matter whose mother it was, they all seemed capable of making odd remarks.

Chapter Text

Two months later Spike, Buffy, Dawn and Giles were standing anxiously in the waiting room of Sunnydale Hospital, their faces drawn and tense as the late afternoon crept slowly into evening. That morning, Anne, as she had insisted everyone call her, had undergone another round of tests and for the last few hours the group had been waiting on the doctors' latest prognosis to come in with growing concern.

Having used his contacts to organise a full set of official documents for Anne, Giles had then arranged for her to be admitted to the Sunnydale Memorial Hospital where she had been undergoing intensive treatment for the past few weeks. Not a day had gone past when Anne wasn't being visited by the Scoobies, being regaled with highly edited versions of their adventures and descriptions of the world in the twenty first century. Through it all Spike had rarely left her side. In fact, the only time he was absent was when he patrolled with Buffy, had business of his own to attend to, or when he, at his mother's insistence, went back “home” to sleep.

Buffy had also noticed that Giles and Spike had become increasingly less hostile and more respectful in their treatment of each other. Giles' change in attitude had come about due to not only Anne's defensive nature toward her son, but also because of Spike's own behaviour since reuniting with his mother. Giles had been unequivocally impressed by Spike's selfless concern for his mother, although Buffy shivered whenever she recalled his reaction when he first discovered how Anne had died. Coldly furious was putting it mildly, although this had been doused considerably when he realised that Spike's actions were due to a misguided attempt to save his mother and not to condemn her.

With Spike, his change toward Giles started the moment the ex-Watcher put aside his personal feelings toward the vampire and treated Anne with respectful courtesy. To Spike there was no greater recommendation than this. And when Giles had made all the arrangements to ensure Spike's mother would be able to receive treatment, it was safe to say Giles' life would now be eternally sacrosanct to the vampire.

Glancing at the said pacing vampire in front of her, Buffy did not attempt to stop him, knowing only too well that in the state he was in he would either ignore her, become highly defensive, or commence another rant filled with a multitude of British and other multilingual euphemisms that would have Giles staring at him in empathy mixed with scholarly admiration.

It had taken a single day for Giles to find out from a proud Anne all about Spike's educated history, along with his talent for languages; and another day to realise that Spike was probably the most complex and bewildering vampire to ever walk the earth! Since discovering Spike's impressive record at Cambridge, which included Honours in numerous fields, Giles had been attempting to convince Spike to assist him in translating several old documents he had been working on for some time. So far Spike had resisted any and all attempts, his mind entirely focused on his mother and helping Buffy and Dawn. If Giles had thought to ask either of the Summers girls how he could convince the vampire to assist him they would have told him what was perfectly obvious to them: get Anne to ask him to do it.

Apparently, no task was too great or too small for Spike when it came to his mother.

When Dawn and Buffy told him that his mother was welcome to return to 1630 Revello Drive after her hospital stay as Tara and Willow had offered to move back out, the dutiful son had immediately gone out and managed to secure enough funds to fully settle the mortgage repayment, saying that he couldn't risk his mother being “tossed out onto the street if the soddin' bank comes to repossess the place if you get behind in the payments”. And when Buffy attempted to find out the source of his recent wealth he had replied with an obscure “I just had it laying around love, nothing illegal about it”.

Then, when Anne had innocently expressed her longing for a traditional semolina pudding, nothing would do but for Spike to almost tear Sunnydale apart looking for a place that could make it and then happily deliver it to his adoring mother.

Added to this was every time he had to leave his mother when he returned he always brought back with him some small gift, ranging from a bouquet of flowers to delicate pieces of jewellery that made his mother blush with delighted pleasure.

Thinking about the smile that appeared on Anne's face whenever Spike walked into her room, Buffy realised that she herself had actually been smiling more naturally since the night Anne had first shown up, her frozen emotions gradually thawing out until she almost felt normal again. It seemed that having a totally innocent woman, who had also technically been dead until recently, come forward in time by over a hundred years, only to suffer through the pain of a potentially fatal illness had made her own troubles seem trifling by comparison. And rather than being bitter or furious about her circumstances, Anne had been kind and gracious, her good humour and thoughtfulness for others never failing to impress her visitors.

Buffy knew that should anything happen to Anne, Spike's grief would be felt by them all. It was as though they had adopted the Victorian lady as their surrogate mother. She was happy to listen and offer counsel to any who asked, her simple, but profound advice providing comfort to more than one troubled mind. She never judged, and her warm tenderness had endeared her to every one of the Scoobies. And Giles was pleased to finally have another adult with whom he could finally hold a proper conversation that did not involve demons, magic or other supernatural themes.

Thinking of the friendship that had sprung up between Giles and Anne, Buffy's thoughts naturally led her toward her own relationship with Spike. Not once in the past two months had Spike even attempted to discuss the kiss that happened between them, and in spite of his friendly manner, Buffy was beginning to wonder if he had perhaps lost interest in her. They had certainly begun talking and acting like friends again; meeting up for patrol, sitting with his mother and discussing all manner of subjects. However, not once did Spike make any move to try and press the romantic angle with her; and for reasons that she could not yet understand, Buffy wished that he would give just the smallest hint that he still loved her as he had claimed and demonstrated the previous year.

'Spike, I'm sure she'll be OK, so could you stop trying to make me dizzy?'

Dawn's soft voice broke Buffy out of her thoughts, and glancing at her sister Buffy saw her placing a reassuring hand on the vampire's arm. Buffy was amazed when instead of the reaction she or anyone else would have received Spike merely tensed for a moment and then visibly softened, his eyes looking down at Dawn with warm affection.

'Sorry, nibblet.' Raising his arm Spike pulled the teenager into a brief, one-armed hug.

Smiling, Dawn pulled back and then slapped him gently on the shoulder. 'And you know when the doctors come in try not to growl at them. I swear you almost gave one of them a heart attack last time.'

The playful scolding was a common occurrence between the vampire and her sister, and Buffy had been informed by Giles that this had arisen during the summer when it was often that the two of them would pull each other out of their more despondent moments.

'Oi, I'll have you know, nibblet, that all I was doin’ was clearing my throat,' Spike protested. 'Not my fault the stupid sod was more twitchy than Anya watchin’ a Bugs Bunny cartoon.'

Snorting quietly, Buffy concealed her amusement behind a cough as Dawn, and even Giles, snickered. The comparison to Anya, while probably a slight exaggeration, was understandable on the part of the doctor. After all, having to deal with a volatile and extremely protective vampire who cross-examined each and every person who came near his mother, and who demanded an explanation of every test carried out, was enough to make even the bravest person apprehensive of approaching him.

'Mr Pratt?'

The group turned as one toward the young intern who was hesitating near the doorway, her nervous gaze fixed on Spike's suddenly austere expression.

'What is it?'

The curt tone did not deceive Buffy and Dawn, nor Giles. They could clearly pick up on the faint note of fear that the vampire strived to conceal.

'Dr Morgan asked if you could come and speak with him privately.'

If possible Spike's pale face whitened even further. Unconsciously, Buffy reached out and gripped his hand in hers as Dawn stepped closer into his side. Giles, hastily removing his glasses, began to polish them meticulously.

'Spike, we're all here.' Buffy's soft whisper had the vampire looking down at her, his blue eyes strangely bereft of any emotion. 'We're here for you and for your mom. We won't go anywhere.'

Releasing a small sigh, Spike inclined his head toward the petite blonde. 'I 'preciate that, pet. But,' here Spike paused uncertainly and then, his voice lowered considerably, he said hesitantly, 'don't suppose you'd come with, Slayer? You know, in case I forget some detail. You know me and my short attention span.'

Hiding her pleased surprise at the unexpected request, yet almost certain as to the real reason why it was made, Buffy nodded silently before turning toward Giles and Dawn. 'We shouldn't be too long,' she told them. 'If the others show up before we get back tell them that we'll hopefully have some news soon.' Meeting Giles' eyes Buffy knew he was thinking what they all were hoping: please let it be good news!

*   *   *   *

'Spike?'

Staring at the mute vampire in front of her, Buffy felt the niggle of concern in her mind growing rapidly. It was now a full five minutes since the doctor had left and Spike had yet to say another word. Gently shaking the bleached blonde by the shoulder, Buffy called out loudly, 'Spike, come on, say something.'

The blank stare, which had disconcerted her, finally drifted away from the green shrub in the corner of Dr Morgan's office and focused on the worried expression shadowing Buffy's eyes.

'Sorry, luv, I must've tuned out for a moment there,' Spike apologised with an eerie calm. 'What did you say?'

Grasping both his shoulders firmly, Buffy proceeded to shake him. Hard.

'Spike, you haven't done a single thing since the doctor left apart from stare at that bush and it’s really beginning to wig me out! You didn’t even say anything when he told you and you’ve never not had something to say about anything.'

Like a puppet whose strings had just been slashed Spike slumped down onto the chair behind him, arms resting on his thighs and his hands falling loosely between his knees.

'It’s just I never thought I would ever hear those words,' he muttered. 'For so long it was one empty promise after another. And even these last few weeks, everyone here thought exactly the same thing. I could see it in their eyes, the pity, the bloody sympathy! Not one of them would actually come out and say it though.'

'Spike -'

'I often thought about how I would react to this news,' Spike said as though discussing the weather, completely ignoring Buffy's attempt to interrupt. 'Somehow it was always different. More noise, more emotion, seeing as I seem to excel at both of those. And now I can't find the words.'

Buffy regarded the figure before her for a moment and then without the slightest hesitation crouched down and clasped Spike's hands in hers.

'Spike, look at me.' When the vampire reluctantly raised his head Buffy allowed a small smile to cross her lips. 'Now, I'm going to repeat what the doctor said and I want you to listen to me very closely and think about what it means. Spike, “your mother reacted well to the treatment, all her tests came back showing a marked improvement, and we feel that it would be quite all right to allow her to go home”.'

The room was in complete silence for a few seconds and then,

'You forgot “she'll have to keep taking medications for a few more months before she's completely cured”,' Spike said in a choked voice before he suddenly bowed his head, his shocked state completely shattered. 'Oh God, she's going to get better!'

Releasing her hold on his hands, Buffy instinctively leant forward and wrapped her arms around Spike's shoulders, allowing his head to rest against her breast as she offered what reassurance she could.

'Of course she's going to get well, Spike, and we're all going to do our best to help her fully recover. Even Xander.'

Spike's huff of reluctant amusement was just the response Buffy was hoping for. 'Not sure I want the whelp hangin' 'round my mum,' he retorted dryly, pulling back to glare weakly at the blonde in front of him. 'Who knows what ideas he'll put into her head.'

'What, the Big Bad's afraid his mom might take a fancy to geeky T.V shows about spaceships and vultures with weird hand signals?' Buffy snarked teasingly.

Spike's brow furrowed in puzzlement before he snorted disbelievingly. 'I think you mean Vulcans, pet,' he corrected, his head shaking in mock disappointment. 'The school system in this country certainly has a lot to answer for. Makes me almost feel sorry for the whelp, being exposed to such ignorance on a daily basis.'

'Well excuse me, Mr-Cambridge-Scholar,' Buffy sniffed indignantly, her green eyes gleaming with amusement. 'But we can't all be learned stuff-shirts who spend our time watching highly educational television shows like Passions.'

Buffy watched in satisfaction as the last traces of shock vanished from Spike's face, leaving only a look of high exasperation in its place as he declared fervently, 'I'll have you know, luv, that's a bloody brilliant piece of entertainment! Got everything it does, and never a dull moment watching it!'

Listening in bemusement as the vampire extolled to some length about the virtues of his favourite show, Buffy silently breathed a sigh of relief. If Spike could once again rejoice in the questionable quality of a daytime soap opera then obviously everything was going to be OK.

Chapter Text

'H-How about Disney's Snow White?' Tara suggested timidly. 'It's q-quite beautiful and I'm sure your m-mother would enjoy it.'

Having refused to allow his mother to be exposed to the uncensored world of television whilst in the hospital, preferring instead to provide a safer form of entertainment by reading a carefully selected variety of literature aloud to her, Spike had finally decided to introduce her to the more controlled world of motion pictures. Of course, upon learning of his plan, the female contingent of the Scooby gang, minus Willow who had a lecture that morning and Anya who insisted on staying at the Magic Box, decided to assist in helping him choose the right one from the Summers’ movie collection.

Seriously considering Tara's suggestion, Spike finally nodded in approval. 'Good choice, Glinda. I remember seeing it when it first came out. Not even the most overly sensitive matron found anything offensive in it.'

Laughing in amusement, Dawn asked quizzically, 'you, a terrifying vampire intent on violence and destruction, went and saw Snow White at the cinema?'

'Hey, wasn't my idea,' Spike defended himself, albeit half-heartedly. 'Dru kept going on about how Miss Edith and the stars were dancing in the snow and the children had no apples to eat. So of course that meant we had to go and see it.'

Elbowing Spike playfully, Dawn teased him, 'I'll bet you liked the ending though? The wicked witch gets it and the prince gets the princess?'

'Big Bad here, nibblet,' Spike declared offended. 'Not some ponce to get all teary eyed over some soppy movie.'

'Sure, Mister-I-cried-whilst-watching-The-Land-Before-Time,' Dawn retorted easily.

'Oi, I was drunk when I watched that one,' Spike pointed out. 'So it doesn't count. Besides, anyone who's had too much to drink would cry during that movie, poor little sod losing his mum like that.'

'You mean Little-foot?' Tara asked.

'No, the T-Rex,' Spike replied with a straight face. 'That poor guy, must've felt right lonely since his mum wasn't there to help him. Plus, fellow sharp-tooth here, I knew how he felt not havin’ anyone want to spend time with him.'

The look on Tara's face was too much for Buffy who had been standing in the doorway of the lounge room. The sound of her laughter had all eyes turning toward her instantly.

'He's just messing with you, Tara,' Buffy informed the blonde girl with a smile. 'Personally, I think Spike is more like a brontosaurus than a T-Rex, what with the small brain and long neck.'

The vampire's outraged cry was drowned out by Dawn and Tara's amused laughter.

'Right, I'll be off then, ladies. A bloke knows when he's unappreciated,' Spike groused lightly. 'I really expected better of you three.'

Without another word Spike stalked past Buffy and disappeared up the staircase. Tara's laughter had ceased as soon as he had moved toward the door.

'Was he - we didn't hurt his feelings did we?' she asked regretfully. 'I-I didn't think he'd b-believe we were laughing at him.'

Shaking her head, Dawn waved away Tara's concern. 'He just likes to pretend sometimes. If he is really upset he doesn't say anything. He just goes quiet and puts on this face that says “don't mess with me”. After that he'll go out and kick the crap out of something before tearing it to pieces.'

Buffy nodded in agreement. 'He wasn't really angry or hurt, Tara, believe me I've seen Spike in all his moods and all he was doing was having a bit of fun at our expense like we were with him. And you don't have to worry, he's just gone to get Anne.'

Relieved, Tara smiled. 'You know he has a very interesting aura. Most vampires have a brownish-grey one, but his is a beautiful blend of colours.'

'So you're saying I shine like some Las Vegas neon light?'

Stepping back into the room, Spike smirked in Tara's direction with a gentle warmth as he guided his mother toward the cleared couch. Buffy had noticed that although his mother was clearly getting better, her cheeks now tinged with a healthy glow and her eyes sparkling with renewed strength, Spike seemed incapable of reducing his protective instinct around her. She supposed he never would, given his behaviour toward her family in the past and, though she was loath to think about her, Drusilla. It seemed to be something so ingrained in his nature that he would never lose it.

'Well, your hair certainly acts like a beacon,' Dawn muttered snidely.

Buffy choked on the chuckle that rose in her throat as Spike shot an offended glare in her sister's direction and snarked playfully, 'this from the girl who put a bright pink rinse through her hair.'

'What!' Buffy's screech could have shattered glass. 'When did you do that?'

Throwing an irritated look at Spike, Dawn sulked and crossing her arms grumbled, 'it was just a joke and no one else even cared except for Spike. He made me wash it out.'

'Little-bit took a fancy to trying out the punk look while you were gone,' Spike explained to Buffy. 'Startled a few Kljrenrus demons when they saw her I can tell you.'

Her annoyance toward the vampire forgotten, Dawn giggled and informed her stunned sister, 'you should have seen it, Buffy, they were in the middle of some summoning spell, but then when they saw me they started screeching and the next instant they were running in the opposite direction.'

Seeing Buffy's puzzled expression, Spike explained, 'they're a superstitious bunch and to them the colour pink means bringer of death.'

'Which is true I suppose,' Dawn mused thoughtfully, 'I mean they didn't last long against Spike. He was there with me,' she answered her sister's unspoken question. 'I'd gone to visit him and he was walking me home. Anyway, Spike leapt after them and then it was over in like ten seconds.'

'You left Dawn alone and unprotected while you went and fought a bunch of demons?' Buffy's voice took on a dangerous tone as she turned toward Spike.

Shifting awkwardly Spike started to reply when Dawn cut him off.

'Don't blame Spike, Buffy,' she defended her friend. 'He told me afterward that if they got away they'd do the summoning spell somewhere else and then we'd all be dead, 'cause what they'd call up would've meant the end of the world. Anyway, Spike'd never let anything happen to me.'

Seeing the haunted expression that flickered in the vampire's eyes Buffy knew better than to prolong the conversation. She knew that Spike still blamed himself for what happened on Glory's tower and no matter what anyone said he always would to some degree.

'I know, Dawnie,' Buffy replied quietly.

The short silence that fell was broken by Anne's voice.

'William, I am quite intrigued about this “moving picture” you mentioned,' she said curiously, tactfully changing the subject. 'You said it was based on the fairy tale that was in that collection of stories by Jacob & Wilhelm Grimm.'

Returning his attention to his mother, Spike smiled. 'I won't give too much away, Mother, except to say that I'm sure you'll love it.'

Bouncing over to sit next to Anne as Tara started the video, Dawn told her enthusiastically, 'it's like a painting come to life you know, and when I was little I always thought Snow White was so beautiful and used to pretend I was her.'

Fondly brushing a strand of hair out of Dawn's eyes, Anne commented with affection, 'you're lovely just as you are, Dawn, and I know you will be even more beautiful as you grow older. Your mother would have been very proud of you.'

With a contented smile Dawn leant against the woman beside her, her young heart happily basking in the warmth of Anne's maternal attention.

Taking her seat on the chair next to Spike across the room, Buffy noticed the vampire staring at his mother and Dawn with an odd expression in his eyes.

'What's wrong?' she asked under the breath, her words unheard by the others in the room as the movie started.

'Nothin', luv.' Shaking his head, Spike muttered so softly Buffy almost missed his next words, 'it's just Mum always adored kids and she wanted to have more after I was born, only the doctors said she was too weak. Now I think she's come to see you and the nibblet as those daughters she couldn't have, and I'll never be able to thank either of you enough for allowing her to do that.'

Her expression softening, Buffy reached over and touched his arm gently. 'It's only fair, Spike, if you think about it,' she said lightly. 'After all, you adopted our mom, so we get to share yours.'

A reminiscent light appeared in Spike's eyes. 'Wonderful lady, your mum,' he remarked softly. 'Never bothered her, me being a vampire, even when I didn't have the soddin' chip in my skull, 'cept for that one time at the school o' course, but can't blame her for that.'

Chuckling quietly, Buffy retorted, 'I'd have to agree with you there, given that you were about to take a bite out of my neck.'

'Yeah.' Spike was silent for a moment and then reflected quietly, 'never did thank her for hittin’ me with that bloody axe. Stopped me from doin’ one of the stupidest things I could've done.'

Bewildered by his words Buffy glanced away from the singing Snow White on the television screen and looked at him. 'What do you mean? Spike, you would've killed me if she wasn't there and you'd have relished the experience.'

Wincing, Spike drew back, his eyes staring blankly at the television. 'Hence the stupid, pet. If I had killed you I would never have found out that of all the women I've known, there would end up being only five that really matter in the end, with three of them sharing the same last name. And I would never have learnt that a world without you is not something at which to rejoice.'

Unable to find the words to answer Buffy let her stunned gaze drift back to the television whilst the silence grew between herself and Spike once more. As the movie progressed, and Anne's innocent exclamations of delight filled the room, Buffy found her mind flooded with a maelstrom of thoughts with several repeating themselves over and over; maybe he does still love me, but he hasn't said anything about us for two months now. What if I've left it too late? What if I can't be everything he expects me to be? Will he leave me too? Finally, a single thought rose above the rest, I need to talk to someone, but who?

Chapter Text

Pausing in the doorway of the main bedroom that evening, Buffy was suddenly struck by the realisation that the feel of the room had changed. Before, when Willow and Tara had stayed there, the room had felt strange, almost as though it had recognised the pair as temporary occupants of the space. Also, it had seemed to object to the use of magic within its walls, its atmosphere having become strained from the residue of repelled power. But now the room felt as it did when her mother had been alive; tranquil, comforting and welcoming, and Buffy did not doubt this was due to its new owner.

When they had first brought Anne back from the hospital Buffy had offered the bedroom to her without hesitation. Anne had of course objected to the suggestion, declaring that the room should belong to Buffy as the mistress of the house. It was only when Buffy had informed her that she would not feel comfortable sleeping in the room that once belonged to her mother that Anne graciously accepted the offer. Now, as her gaze drifted about the room, Buffy thought that once more the room felt like a mother's room.

The new clothes and accessories that had been bought for Anne on the shopping spree funded by Spike, and attended by him, his mother, Buffy and Dawn, were laid out in neat piles on the bed, the colourful array similar to the piles that now also lay strewn haphazardly across the furniture in Buffy and Dawn's rooms. It seemed that when Spike went shopping the urge to spoil the women he cared for knew no bounds, and Buffy had found herself swept away by Dawn's enthusiasm and Anne's gentle coaxing, leading her to raise no objection when Spike paid for the first brand new clothes she had owned in several months.

'Buffy?'

Pulled out of her thoughts, Buffy turned toward Anne who was exiting the en suite bathroom, a lovely lavender robe wrapped around her slim figure as her long fair hair floated around her shoulders in a soft cloud.

'Is something wrong?'

Startled, Buffy blinked rapidly and quickly refuted this idea. 'Oh, no, no wrongness of any kind here,' she replied, smiling reassuringly at the woman in front of her. 'It's just I wondered if I could - if you would -'

As Buffy’s voice faltered to a halt Anne gave her a considering glance and then said kindly, 'you wish to speak to me about William.'

Gobsmacked, Buffy stared at the woman in front of her. 'What! No - I mean, why would I need to speak to you about - I already know that he -'

Sinking down on the double bed, Anne held out her hand encouragingly. 'My dear, please do not think me impertinent for saying this, but I have seen the way you and my son behave around each other and I believe I am not wrong in assuming that you feel something for him and he for you.'

Walking hesitantly forward Buffy slowly sat down on the bed beside the older woman and hugged herself tightly, her expression clearly displaying her inner turmoil.

'It's just -' Buffy broke off and tried to gather her straying thoughts. 'For so long I believed him incapable of feeling anything aside from a lust for violence and destruction. All my friends, the Council, they all told me he couldn't love or feel anything that wasn't motivated by hate if he didn't have a soul. But then last year, he almost got himself killed a dozen times trying to protect my sister and me, and when we fought Glory he was the only one I trusted to look after Dawn. And yet, even after all that, after all that proof that obviously he must be able to love without a soul, I still used the fact that he's a soulless vampire as a reason why nothing could exist between us. I think I finally hurt him so badly that he's just given up on me just as I discovered that I -'

Buffy stopped abruptly and took a deep breath, surprised at how much she had revealed to Spike's mother. Hearing Anne sigh quietly, Buffy turned to look at her.

'He was such a quiet, earnest child,' Anne reflected softly, her blue eyes taking on a faraway look, 'always reading his books or taking walks by himself, although where he loves he does so openly and freely without constraint. But William always finds it difficult to discuss his feelings when he has been hurt, especially if it is by someone he loves. For you see, my dear, William is the very last person who would ever give up on someone he loves, despite anything they may say or do to him, and for those he loves there is nothing he will not do for them. So when they hurt him it cuts into him deeper than any other wound possibly could, and sometimes to such an extent that he is wary of making himself vulnerable again.'

Swallowing the large lump that had risen in her throat Buffy choked out, 'is that why he hasn't wanted to talk to me about what happened between us? He's afraid of what I'll do?'

Laying a comforting hand on Buffy's elbow, Anne answered truthfully, 'I believe that he is most likely afraid to open himself up again so soon after being hurt, but I also feel that he might have thought that he was simply doing what you wanted of him by not mentioning this unfortunate incident of which you speak. I do not doubt that William loves you, Buffy. There is an expression in his eyes when he looks at you that I have never before seen, and it makes me happier than I ever thought possible.'

'I don't know what I should do.' Buffy was not used to feeling so unsure of herself, but for some reason she did not feel embarrassed in revealing this to Anne.

'If you feel something for my son, Buffy, you need to be the one to tell him.' Anne's gentle nature did not make her words sound like an order, but rather more like an entreaty.

'But what if I mess up again?' Buffy cried out. 'What if he realises that I'm not what he wants, or that I'm not worth it and leaves me? What if I've left it too late and he won't forgive me?'

Raising her hand from Buffy's elbow, Anne slowly stretched out her arm and tenderly wrapped it around the slayer's quivering shoulders.

'My poor child, pray do not distress yourself. Once my son has chosen to bestow his love on someone it cannot be easily shaken, and he never leaves those he loves. As for forgiving you, to those he allows into his heart William would not hesitate to offer forgiveness for any transgression, no matter how much pain it had caused him. For to him, to love is also to forgive.'

Sniffling quietly Buffy suddenly became aware of warm trickles running down her cheeks.

Astonished, Buffy raised her hand and quickly tried to wipe the evidence away. I haven't cried since I came back, she realised with shock as she hastily apologised to Anne.

'Buffy, do not be ashamed of your tears,' Anne advised her gently. 'They are not a sign of weakness, nor are they an unforgivable sin.'

'I - I can't even remember the last time I cried,' Buffy admitted. 'I'm not even sure why I'm crying now.'

'Our emotions usually do not pay heed to reason or logic,' Anne said soothingly. 'And if our hearts have been overwhelmed by grief or pain then they must soon find a way to release those feelings.'

'I've been trying so hard to be normal since I came back,' Buffy whispered. 'They all expected me to be so many things; sister, friend, slayer, mother. They wanted me to be happy to be back, to act like nothing had changed. And then there was Spike. He didn't push me for anything, he just let me be me. If I didn't want to talk that was fine, and if I wanted to talk he would listen without judging me. But then that singing demon came and suddenly we were fighting. He wanted to know how I felt and kept wanting to talk about what had happened between us. I was so confused and terrified of revealing anything I felt because then I would have to admit that I was so mad at my friends I almost hated them; that I was afraid I'd fail my sister again; and most of all I hated myself for feeling the way I did while he loved me and looked at me like I was some perfect being that was inherently good.'

'Dear child, you have had so much pressure placed upon you to conform to standards that others have no right to place upon you. I am not surprised that you feel as you do. But you must understand, the ones who make these demands of you will continue to do so unless you explain how they are making you feel.' Anne smiled softly as she gazed at the girl beside her. 'And, Buffy, I'm sure if you told my son of how you felt he would understand why you acted as you did.'

'But how was he able to love me when I could not even love myself? What could he possibly see in me?'

'To love someone does not mean being ignorant of their failings or their faults,' Anne informed her quietly. 'Rather, it is accepting them as they are regardless of these things and continuing to love them even when that person feels unworthy or incapable of reciprocating that affection. As for what he sees in you, you will have to ask William yourself, child, for he is the only one who could answer that question.'

Shivering slightly, Buffy huddled closer to the warm figure beside her. 'I've never been very good at dealing with my emotions, and most of the time I try and hide how I feel. For some reason all through my life I've been able to fool so many people, but I've never been able to fool Spike. It's like he can see right through me.'

'William has always been very observant,' Anne mused thoughtfully. 'Many of his tutors would tell me that he was one of the brightest students they had ever taught and he had an uncanny ability of seeing the truth in a situation, no matter how cleverly concealed.'

Recalling the many times in the past when Spike had exhibited this very talent, Buffy realised that he usually managed to see things before any of the other Scoobies were close to figuring out what was happening and it fell to the vampire to point it out, like with what occurred with Willow after Oz left, and even her very own issues with Angel, Parker and Riley.

'How – how would you suggest I bring the subject up with him?' Buffy asked uncertainly.

'I cannot tell you that, my dear,' Anne answered, her tone apologetic. 'For every couple it is different and therefore you must discover this on your own. My only advice would be to ensure you find a place where you will be uninterrupted. There is nothing more disconcerting than to be disturbed when you are attempting to have a serious discussion.'

With this last piece of wise advice Anne rose gracefully to her feet and retrieved the box of tissues from beside the bed. Returning to sit beside Buffy she offered the box to her, saying, 'now, my child, wipe your tears and do not torment yourself any further. Have faith in yourself and in my son and all will be well. And remember, to see the hope of a rainbow one must first experience the troubles of the storm.'

Chapter Text

'You know I really don't have time for this tonight, guys.'

Ducking another blow aimed at her head, Buffy darted forward and staked the vampire in front of her before turning to face the other five surrounding her.

'I do have somewhere else I want to be, so how about we all go our own separate ways and meet up again tomorrow?'

Menacing growls and snarls were her only response.

Rolling her eyes, Buffy huffed. 'Is it too much to ask that I actually get someone that can actually talk back to me? A bit of witty repartee between mortal enemies?'

Springing into the air, Buffy neatly avoided the combined attack and with a series of quick punches and strikes dusted another two.

Looking at the remaining three vampires, Buffy twirled her stake casually. 'Well, if you're that insistent about dusting tonight I'm more than happy to oblige.'

'You will die, Slayer. We will feast on your blood until you scream for death.'

Raising an eyebrow, Buffy took in the hulking vampire who was glaring at her.

'So you can talk? Although you do sound like a bad, horror movie villain.'

Grabbing the vampire closest to her, Buffy hurled him against the tree behind her where he instantly disintegrated upon a protruding branch. 'And I have to say, I've already tried dying, twice actually, never seems to take though.'

Roaring with fury the last two vampires charged forward, their uncoordinated attack easily defeated by the amused slayer.

'I tried to let you guys off, but no, you just had to push it, didn't you,' she remarked calmly, brushing the dust off her hands and clothes before resuming her walk through the cemetery. 'And now I'm –'

Her slayer senses kicking in suddenly, Buffy dodged to the right just as a demon flew past her. Crouching into a defensive position Buffy instinctively looked about her, and reassured that there was only the one demon focused her attention on it.

Standing at well over eight feet, its humanoid form covered in small red lumps with four sharp talons at the end of each arm, the demon was certainly an intimidating sight.

Uneasily aware that she only possessed her stake, which she doubted would be of much help against the creature in front of her, Buffy furtively cast her eyes around her, searching for anything that she could use as a weapon.

As her eyes alighted on the rusted metal fence around one of the graves, Buffy darted forward, and grasping one of the poles yanked it free. Spinning around to face the demon once more, Buffy wistfully thought of the collection of swords that were laying around uselessly back home in her weapons chest.

Memo to self, Buffy thought dryly, take sword with me on patrol from now on.

As a bestial cry rang out from the demon Buffy tightened her grip on the pole, and warily examined the creature in front of her for any sign of a weakness. Finding no obvious ones, she sighed in resignation.

'Trial and error it is then,' she muttered, before hastily bringing the pole up to deflect a crushing blow that would have most certainly killed her if it connected with her head.

Spinning around, Buffy delivered a strong roundhouse kick that would normally have felled her opponent upon contact. With this demon, however, it merely caused it to stumble slightly.

Oh crap. Obeying her instincts Buffy executed a perfect backflip, putting her out of the demon's range once again. That felt like kicking solid concrete!

Bellowing with frustration the demon charged toward her, its talons extended viciously.

Crouching low, Buffy waited until it was almost on top of her and then rolled to the side, the pole in her hands striking out with deadly force into the demon's side.

With an anguished cry the demon slashed out at her, its purple blood spilling to the ground. Narrowly missing one of the talons Buffy straightened up, only to have her head spin woozily as the world around her shifted in and out of focus.

What the hell? Closing her eyes Buffy desperately reached out with her other senses. Hearing a swishing sound coming toward her, Buffy ducked immediately, however a sharp cut to her shoulder informed her that at least one of the demon's claws had made contact.

Disorientated, Buffy attempted to rein in her growing sense of dread as she felt herself swaying dizzily. This can't be good, she thought frantically. How can I fight the damn thing when I can't even manage to stand up straight without the world going all fuzzy.

Attempting futilely to focus on the location of the demon, Buffy took an unthinking step forward and stumbled over a headstone, the movement sending her crashing to the ground.

Laying on the cool grass, her head landing centimetres away from a particularly sharp rock, Buffy heard the demon approaching once again when, unexpectedly, another sound tore through the night.

The infuriated roar of anger seemed familiar to Buffy and the next instant the tingles on the back of her neck gave another hint as to the newcomer's identity.

Forcing her eyes open, and struggling to ignore the way the scene in front of her dipped and swayed, Buffy saw a flash of platinum hair and flaring black leather as it leapt on the back of the demon, swearing furiously and viciously embedding an axe deeply in the creature's neck.

With a gargled moan the demon lurched forward and then collapsed to the ground, its still body clearly dead.

'Luv, you all right?'

The worried voice held no hint of the rage it had contained only seconds ago, and Buffy, staring blearily up at the concerned face hovering over her, said the first thing that came to mind. 'Do you still love me?'

To Buffy it looked like Spike hesitated for a moment before he replied softly, 'I don't think here's the best place for a conversation, pet; plus, being exposed to that demon's blood has a weakening effect on humans, and he did manage to get a hit in. You need to rest up for a bit and fix that shoulder. Come on, I'll take you back home.'

Bending down, the vampire was about to gather the slayer into his arms when she held him off. Weakly shaking her head, Buffy stated, 'I don't want to go there. I was coming to see you, Spike, and I'm not going home until I've spoken to you.'

Smirking briefly, Spike retorted mildly, 'well, you've both seen and spoken to me now, so I guess it's home for you.'

Slapping ineffectively at his shoulder, Buffy glared at him weakly. 'Jerk! You know that's not what I meant.'

Chuckling quietly, Spike ignored any further protests and lifted her into his arms. 'Just teasin' you, luv. Off we go to my crypt then.'

Without another word Spike turned on his heel and strode off in the direction of his home.

Resting her head against his shoulder Buffy felt herself relax gratefully. She had been terrified she was about to die back there, and if Spike hadn't shown up she would have without having told him the truth of how she felt.

No more putting it off then, Buffy thought determinedly. Anne's right, I have to be the one to tell him.

As they reached the entrance to Spike's crypt Buffy couldn't help snorting in amusement as the vampire, in a move very similar to hers, kicked the door open with one well-placed foot.

'Don't get any ideas, pet,' Spike warned her lightly. 'This is my place, which means I'm allowed to kick the door in if I please.'

'I didn't say anything,' Buffy protested, a twinkle lighting her eyes.

'No, but you were thinkin' it.'

Placing Buffy down in his armchair, Spike retreated to his fridge and came back with a bottle of water.

'Drink this slowly, it'll help with the dizzy spells.'

Taking a sip of the cool water Buffy felt the wooziness in her head begin to recede.

'It does seem to be helping,' she admitted. 'Thanks.'

Waving off her gratitude, Spike retrieved a box of medical supplies he had started keeping in the summer when Dawn had become a regular visitor, and focused his attention on Buffy's bleeding shoulder.

'Let's have a look at this one,' he suggested, and without waiting for a reply tore the shirt further to have a closer look at the cut, completely disregarding Buffy's indignant protest. 'Pet, it's not like you'd have been able to save the shirt anyway,' he pointed out as he washed the wound with another bottle of water before drying it with a clean cloth.

Pouting childishly, Buffy cast a regretful glance at the once pristine red silk blouse. 'It was my favourite,' she sulked, yelping as Spike dabbed at the wound in her shoulder with some betadine. 'Ow, that hurt!'

Snorting in disbelief, Spike recapped the bottle of antiseptic, and, after putting it down, picked up a gauze pad and some tape. 'Slayer, I highly doubt a little sting like that will kill you,' he commented, arranging the dressing over the wound. 'Even the bit doesn't carry on this much when I patch her up.'

Sniffing, Buffy crossed her arms. 'So you're saying my sister is tougher than me?' she demanded, mildly offended.

An affectionate smile broke out across Spike's face as he muttered, 'no, just more easy to distract. When she's in the middle of a rant your sister tends to be oblivious to everything else.'

Mollified, Buffy relaxed back into the chair and watched as Spike rose to his feet and splashed the last bit of water in the bottle over his hands, rinsing off the last traces of the antiseptic. Her body was still feeling a bit off, but Buffy no longer felt like the world was about to flip before her eyes.

'So, luv, what did you need to speak to me about?'

Startled, Buffy blinked and looked up from where her eyes had been focused on Spike's slender hands.

'What?'

Gesturing toward her, Spike prompted, 'you said you needed to see me 'bout somethin'. Well, we're both here now, and you don't look like you're about to fall off your perch, so what's the go, luv? What's so urgent that you needed to come in the middle of the night?'

Gaining a sudden urge to closely examine the faded material of Spike's armchair, Buffy ducked her head and swallowed. 'Um, well, I just thought that maybe we – that is, that you – I wanted to –'

Lifting up a hand, Spike halted her rambling with a calm, 'easy, pet, just take a deep breath and then tell me.'

Following his advice, Buffy inhaled deeply and then said more composedly, 'I wanted to talk about us, Spike. About what happened between us.' Upon noticing Spike's face beginning to transform into the stony mask she knew he used to conceal his emotions, Buffy continued hastily, 'and I want to apologise for how I acted toward you afterwards, especially that night when I – I brought up Angel's soul again. It wasn't fair of me, and you were right in everything you said. You've done more for me and for Dawn than Angel ever did and I still treated you like you were nothing. But I was scared, Spike. I was so confused about everything. I couldn't even love myself at that stage so how could I believe that you could love me, would want to love me. I was so screwed up, and I took it out on the one person who hadn't been pressuring me for something ever since I came back.'

Glancing back down at her lap, Buffy admitted quietly, 'after we kissed and you kept wanting to talk about it I felt betrayed, like you were turning into one of my friends, who, even though they now knew where I had been, still wanted me to be all happy about being back. I almost hated them, Spike, for what they did to me, for how they acted like I had to forgive them to make them feel better, and yet I wasn't allowed to feel anything for myself. How could you love someone like that? Who hates their friends and resents the world for being brought back here? I lashed out at you, and now I'm terrified that I've driven you away, just like every other man in my life, and that even if I say I'm sorry you won't ever forgive me or want to love me. You haven't said anything about it in two months, and –'

A gentle hand being placed over her mouth cut off Buffy's increasingly distraught voice. Peeking up at Spike, Buffy saw his blue eyes staring down at her with a warmth she hadn't seen in some time.

Crouching down in front of her, Spike removed his hand and tenderly placed it on top of hers. When he spoke his voice was filled with affection.

'Buffy, no matter what you do, or what you say, I will always forgive you and I won't ever leave you. I could never stop loving you. I was a bloody fool acting the way I did. I knew you were still confused, but I was so happy when you kissed me I guess I lost my head, and then when you refused to talk about it I got furious at you for making me hope that things might've changed only to dash them down again. I shouldn't have pushed you the way I did, and I'm sorry, pet, that it made it harder for you. As for my not mentioning it for a while, I felt that what with everything that's been happening with my mum, and coming to my senses a bit, I thought it best to leave it alone for a while. You didn't need me pestering you on top of everything else you were going through, and I guess I was feeling a tad exposed myself.'

Raising his other hand, Spike tentatively reached out and placed it on Buffy's cheek.

'As for why I love you, pet, I would've thought that was bleedin' obvious. Buffy, you're the most beautiful person I've ever known, and I'm not just talkin' about your physical looks, luv, though they are rather bewitching. I've seen the way you never stop trying, even when it looks like defeat is all you face. I've witnessed your courage, your loyalty, and your strength. But, most of all, I've seen the way you reach out to people with your kindness and your compassion, even to those who don't deserve it.' This last was said with a self-deprecating gesture. 'I've seen you at your best and your worst, but one thing always shines through: You. Nothing can change what you truly are, and that is why I love you and always will.'

Gazing at him through eyes that were clouding with tears, Buffy whispered softly, 'but what am I, Spike?'

Leaning forward, Spike pressed a soft kiss to her brow and replied quietly, 'you're one impressive woman who is, and will always be, the one who saves me and shows me what I can be. And regardless of whether you ever love me in return, you're the keeper of my heart, Buffy.'

Tears trickling down her cheeks, Buffy threw herself forward and clung to Spike's leather clad chest, burying her face in its smooth hardness as she sought to muffle the sobs rising in her throat. Feeling a comforting hand stroking her hair, Buffy pressed closer to Spike, and breathed out chokily, 'I'm so sorry, Spike. You've given me so much; your faith, friendship, loyalty, and your love, and I feel like I've given you nothing in return. But I'm going to change that, starting right now.'

Drawing back, Buffy gazed up and looked directly into Spike's eyes. 'When I was speaking to your mom earlier I realised that I had never once told you how much your presence here comforts me. If you hadn't been here when I came back I don't know what I would've done. You understand me better than people who've been my friends for six years, and, in fact, you're now the only one I feel that I can trust. My friends all expect me to do things that'll make them happy, but you do things to make me happy. You've risked yourself so many times for me and Dawn, and I've never told you how much that means to me. How much you mean to me.'

Pausing to take a calming breath, Buffy felt Spike's grip around her tighten, a desperate look of hope flickering in his eyes.

Her face breaking into a small smile, Buffy said with endearing simplicity, 'I don't know when it started or how, but I do know this; I love you, Spike, and I’m pretty sure I’m also in love with you.'

When several seconds passed with no visible reaction from the strangely quiet vampire, Buffy, feeling slightly miffed at the lack of response, continued casually, 'I'm not sure why though. I mean you're exasperating, pigheaded, egotistical, impulsive, stubborn, a pain in my a–'

A pair of firm lips descending against hers effectively silenced the blonde slayer, who immediately proceeded to wrap her arms around the vampire's neck and returned the gesture with enthusiasm.

When Spike withdrew from her slightly, after what seemed like only a second, but which had to have been longer, Buffy moaned his name in protest.

'Why did you stop? Buffy want more kissage,' she pouted.

Smirking gently, Spike brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes as he replied softly, 'and cave-Buffy will get more kissage if she tells her Spike what else he is. I find I'm rather curious to find out how my girl sees me.'

Eyes sparkling with mischief, Buffy replied teasingly, 'well, he's bad-tempered, rude, obnoxious –'

'Exasperating chit!' Growling in his throat, Spike leant forward and lightly brushed his lips over hers again.

Giggling, Buffy snuggled against Spike's chest, and sighing in contentment, whispered, 'you're the bravest, most loyal man I know who withstood a Hellgod's torture to protect my little sister. You're generous, compassionate, and capable of so much kindness. You visited my mother when she was sick.' Feeling Spike jerk in surprise, Buffy poked him gently in the ribs. 'Yes, she told me about your night-time visits, Mister-I'm-The-Big-Bad-Who-Likes-Hot-Chocolate-With-Marshmallows.'

Muttering under his breath about “soddin' Summers women who can't keep secrets”, Spike nevertheless looked anything but annoyed as he glanced down at the woman in his arms as she continued seriously, 'and you're the one who protected my sister no matter what happened. You kept your promise to me – no, Spike, I'm not arguing with you about the tower again,' she warned him firmly as Spike went to interrupt her, his face creased in self-loathing. 'You did everything you could, Spike, and you proved yourself beyond any other man I've ever had in my life. Even when I was gone you were the one that carried on doing what I asked; protecting my sister. Dawn was all that was left of me, and you were the one who saw that and looked after her. Not Angel or Xander, not even Giles. And that's why I love you, Spike.'

Smiling into his awe-stricken eyes, Buffy raised her hand and cupped his cheek affectionately.

'I don't care what my friends say,' she informed him firmly. 'Your mother made me realise earlier this evening that no one has the right to force me into doing what they want me to do, or feel for that matter. Besides, my friends lost the right to try and interfere in my life when they pulled me back here without my consent.'

'Nibblet may –'

'Dawn's approved of you since she found out you liked me,' she murmured, placing a trail of kisses up his neck. 'Plus, she's already treating you like her own tolerant big brother, painting your nails, getting you to watch girly movies –'

'Oi, I'll have you know I only did those under extreme duress!' Spike interrupted, manly dignity flaring up.

'Sure you did, Spike.' Buffy grinned disbelievingly. 'Though if I know my sister I'll bet all it took was Dawn giving you her patent puppy eyes and you gave right in.'

'More like she wouldn't stop yammerin’ in my ear,' Spike groused good-naturedly, 'before tryin' to blackmail me.'

'Sounds like my sister,' Buffy agreed. 'And she only does it to those she loves, so consider yourself safe from her disapproval.'

Tilting her head forward, Buffy placed a tender kiss on Spike's lips. 'I'm not going to let my friends run my life anymore,' she whispered against his mouth, 'I've made my decision, Spike, and it's you I choose.'

Releasing an exultant cry of joyful relief, Spike embraced Buffy fiercely as he rose to his feet, his mouth never leaving hers as he turned them around and then sank down on the armchair, Buffy seated contentedly on his lap.

Delicately moving his lips across her cheek, Spike, his tone reverent with adoration, whispered in Buffy's ear, 'I'm yours, Buffy, now and for all eternity.'

'Even when I'm old and wrinkled?' Buffy questioned, her tone joking, but with an underlying anxiety that Spike did not miss.

'Luv, all I can do is say George Moore was a wise man when he wrote “other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.” No matter how old you get, Buffy, the lines that may cross your face will never diminish the beauty that shines from within you.'

Reassured, Buffy tucked her head into Spike's neck and smiled. 'Do you know you're the first man to ever quote poetry to me like that?' she remarked lightly. 'Angel gave me a book of poetry, and I know he read it but he never quoted it to me. Riley I don't think even knew any.'

Snorting in amusement, Spike laid his head against Buffy's as he replied dryly, 'always knew they were a pair of uneducated sods, pet, so that doesn't surprise me. Now, me, and if you ever tell the whelp this I'll deny it before I kill him, I lived and breathed poetry when I was alive. Made up bloody poems for everything, probably did one on my pet fish at one stage. Even after I was turned I still loved readin’ it. Poetry is somethin’ a lot of people don't understand, but it can contain the most beautiful thoughts and emotions ever imagined.'

Nodding in understanding, Buffy commented, 'when I had to drop out of college we were in the middle of the poetry unit and it's the one I really miss the most.' Tracing an invisible pattern on Spike's chest, Buffy asked coaxingly, 'could you recite a poem for me? It doesn't have to be a long one, but I'd like to hear you do it.'

Heaving a mock put-upon sigh, Spike groaned dramatically. 'All right, pet,' he said, his playful tone that of a man about to perform an unpleasant task, 'anything for my golden goddess. But it won't be one of mine, bloody ridiculous dribble they were.'

Falling silent, Spike closed his eyes and appeared to be sifting through a rather large repertoire of poems that were stored in his memory. Watching him in amusement, Buffy smiled dazzlingly when the vampire reopened his eyes and caught her diverted expression.

'What's so funny, luv?'

Sniggering, Buffy innocently observed, 'I just never thought that there'd be so much in that head of yours.'

'Minx.' Swatting her playfully on the arm, Spike settled more comfortably into the chair as he retorted, 'anymore cheekiness out of you, Slayer, and there'll be no more recital for you.'

Assuming a suitably chastised pose, Buffy said meekly, 'I'm very sorry, most highly intelligent Spike, for my comment.’ Her chastened expression changing to a smirk, Buffy ordered imperiously, ‘now, recite the poem.'

Shaking his head ruefully, Spike chuckled as he informed the girl on his lap, 'you're a right bossy chit, pet.'

'But you still love me.'

'That I do, Buffy.' Running a hand down her spine, Spike grinned as he felt the reaction this movement elicited from the slayer. 'Got me wrapped round your little finger you do.'

Fighting the sensations that were flooding her body, Buffy looked up at her vampire and pouted. 'Then where's my poem,' she demanded, her eyes glinting wickedly. 'Buffy want poem now.'

Planting a light kiss on her nose, Spike answered teasingly, 'all right, my little persistent despot. This one is by a fellow named Alexander Pope, fellow countryman of mine, who died over a hundred years before me.'

Taking an unnecessary breath, Spike's eyes drifted closed once more, and then he recited in a smooth voice that unconsciously reverted back to its more cultured origins,

“See what delights in sylvan scenes appear!

Descending Gods have found Elysium here.

In woods bright Venus with Adonis strayed,

And chaste Diana haunts the forest shade.

Come, lovely nymph, and bless the silent hours,

When swains from shearing seek their nightly bowers;

When weary reapers quit the sultry field,

And crowned with corn their thanks to Ceres yield.

This harmless grove no lurking vapour hides,

But in my breast the serpent love abides.

Here bees from blossoms sip the rosy dew,

But your Alexis knows no sweets but you.

I deign to visit our forsaken seats,

The mossy fountains and the green retreats!

Where'er you walk, cool gales shall fan the glade,

Trees where you sit shall crowd into a shade:

Where'er you tread, the blushing flowers shall rise,

And all things flourish where you turn your eyes.

O how I long with you to pass my days,

Invoke the Muses, and resound your praise!

Your praise the birds shall chant in every grove,

And winds shall waft it to the powers above.

But would you sing, and rival Orpheus' strain,

The wondering forests soon should dance again,

The moving mountains hear the powerful call,

And headlong streams hang listening in their fall!”

The crypt was silent as the last words lingered on the still air. Then, with a small smile spreading across her face, Buffy said thoughtfully, 'you know, this could work out really well. I've got my very own poet who I can order to recite poetry to me whenever I want, and who I can pretend is Colin Firth.'

There was only one way Spike could think of to suitably punish such audacity and he did it. He kissed her senseless.

Chapter Text

After informing Dawn and Anne of their new status as a dating couple the following morning, and having survived Dawn's squeals of delight accompanied by Anne's heartfelt words of approval, it was decided the easiest way to deal with Buffy's friends and Giles was to hold a meeting at Buffy's house where everyone could be told at once.

So that evening Buffy's friends, Giles, Dawn and Anne crowded around the lounge room of 1630 Revello Drive with the blonde couple standing proudly beside each other as Buffy told the group that she and Spike were officially seeing each other – Spike having raised an objection to her using the term “boyfriend” in relation to himself.

'I'll be your mate, partner, significant other, lover, beau, sweetheart, gentleman caller, hell, I'll even be your new squeeze, but I absolutely refuse to be called your boyfriend,' Spike had declared vehemently. 'Every time I hear the bloody word all I'll be able to think about is the great poof or Captain Cardboard.'

The Scoobies’ reaction to the news was unexpected to say the least.

Instead of the cries of outrage and inquisition that Buffy had anticipated, the response was a mixture of casual acceptance, cautious congratulations, and reluctant resignation.

Unsurprisingly, Anya was the one offering the casual acceptance, her comment of getting tired of having to be around “all that unresolved sexual tension which can be solved by many pleasure giving orgasms” thankfully going unheard by Anne.

Strangely, Tara was joined by Giles in the voicing of congratulations, the ex-Watcher refraining from making any comments about soulless demons and merely requesting Buffy to be careful, although whether this restraint had anything to do with Anne's presence no one was quite sure. Every person in the group knew better than to direct any criticism toward Spike in his mother's presence. She may be gentle in nature, but there was a fierce protectiveness residing within her that quickly raised its head whenever the slightest hint of derision or ill-feeling was directed toward her son.

Xander and Willow's reactions were the most astonishing. As the two most likely to stage an intervention, their rather mild comments of, “so long as I won't have to watch you kissing bleach boy every five seconds”, and “I suppose it's OK if it makes you happy, Buffy”, were as surprising as they were a relief.

Relaxing in her lounge room a few hours later after a rather uneventful patrol, Buffy smiled reminiscently as she thought of Anne's words to her when Spike had gone outside for a cigarette and the Scoobies had taken Giles' cue and slowly began to leave.

'I have prayed for so long that William would find someone to make him happy,' Anne had confided quietly. 'He has so much love to give that I could not bear to think of him ending up alone with no one to share his life with. No matter how much a mother may love her child she cannot compare to the companionship and devotion that can exist between a man and woman who love each other. I am just so pleased my son has found his other half in you, Buffy.'

Cuddled against the quiet figure beside her, Buffy lifted one lazy hand and gently traced the scar that ran through his left eyebrow before trailing down to lightly dance over his high cheekbones and chiselled jaw line.

'Pet, what're you doing?'

'Memorising.' Buffy's distracted tone caused the focus of her attention to frown, his closed eyes wrinkling at the corners.

'Memorising what, love?'

'You. How you look. How you feel. Your scent, and how you – taste.'

As her lips sought out the highly sensitive point behind his ears, Spike squirmed and his blue eyes flew open to gaze with reproachful affection at his tormentor.

'Now, Buffy, I agreed to take this slowly, and I won't be able to do that if you keep teasing me there, pet.'

Pouting adorably, Buffy reluctantly withdrew her mouth from Spike's neck and instead rested her head on his chest.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered. 'I just can't seem to stop wanting to touch you.'

Sensing, rather than seeing the satisfied smirk spreading across the vampire's face, Buffy lightly slapped his stomach. 'No need to get bigheaded, lover boy,' she scolded. 'I hear it's a pretty common side effect when you're with the one you love.'

His face transformed by a genuine smile, Spike drew her closer and placed an adoring kiss on her mouth.

'I will never get tired of hearing you say that,' he murmured huskily.

'What? Bigheaded?' Buffy couldn't resist teasing, to be rewarded by a small growl and a fierce kiss that left her breathless.

'Impudent woman. I'll make you pay for that.'

Shivering at the seductive note in the smooth baritone voice, Buffy asked flirtatiously, 'oh, and how are you going to do that, Mr Pratt?'

Bringing one of her hands up to his mouth, Spike slowly began to place a series of kisses up her arm as he informed her, 'first, I'm going to kiss every inch of your bare flesh that I can find. Then, I'm going to kiss your mouth until you can't remember your own name. And when I'm finished doing that I'm going to –'

'Ahem, hey, innocent minor over here!'

The unwelcome interruption had both blondes groaning in frustration, and glaring over at the doorway, they frowned at the amused fifteen year old who was smirking back at them.

'Dawnie –'

'What do you want, bit?'

Hands placed on her hips, Dawn declared virtuously, 'I only came down to get a drink. I didn't expect to find my sister and my best friend doing the horizontal tango in the lounge room where anyone could see them.'

'Dawn!'

Buffy's shocked exclamation was in complete contrast to Spike's mild, 'you know, nibblet, I tend to have a very bad habit of scaring away potential boyfriends of teenage girls. I'd hate to have the same effect on yours when I meet them.'

Throwing her hands up in surrender, Dawn retreated huffily. 'OK, fine, I got the message, no comments about your sex life. Mind you, I'll probably hear most of it live anyway, what with your room being right near mine.'

'Dawn.'

Buffy's threatening tone had her sister backing out the door quickly.

'Geez, sensitive much? All right, I'm going. But keep it quiet down here, some of us are trying to sleep, so no loud moaning or orgasm induced screaming of each other’s names. And I'd better not find any torn clothes in here tomorrow.'

Her long brown hair flaring out behind her, Dawn hastily spun around and disappeared back up the stairs. As her footsteps receded, Buffy and Spike heard what sounded unmistakeably like the teenager's happy giggles drifting down to them.

'I don't know how mom put up with two of us by herself for so long,' Buffy groaned, hiding her face in one hand. 'Are teenage girls really that annoying, or is it only my sister?'

Snorting in amusement, Spike drew the blonde slayer back against him and murmured into her ear, 'I think most of 'em come pre-programmed to drive their families soddin' barmy, though the little bit sure does make the majority of 'em look like Shirley Temple.'

'Yes, and that's why you like her,' Buffy observed, fixing Spike with a forbidding glint in her eyes. 'Don't think I haven't noticed you both behaving like a pair of conniving pre-schoolers when you have your little pow-wow sessions, and you always do it before one of the Scoobies gets mysteriously pranked.'

The smug grin on Spike's face was all the answer Buffy needed to officially confirm her suspicions.

Crossing her arms, Buffy wasn't quite able to keep the amused edge out of her voice as she accused, 'so it is you two!'

Unrepentant, Spike nodded. 'Not like the soddin' idiots don't deserve it,' he stated calmly. 'And we haven't done them any real harm.' His “unfortunately” wasn't said out loud, but Buffy saw it in his expression.

'Spike, you released a cage full of rabbits in the Magic Box.' Despite her best intentions Buffy found her voice trembling with repressed laughter as the memory of Anya shrieking on top of a table, while Xander ran about the room trying to recapture the loose bunnies, played again through her mind.

'Now that one was nibblet's idea,' Spike said proudly.

Shaking her head in resignation, Buffy laid it back down on Spike's chest. 'You're hopeless,' she muttered. 'Only you could get so much enjoyment out of leading my sister astray.'

'Oi, I'll have you know it was the bit's idea to prank the bloody sods.'

'And let me guess,' Buffy said against the leather duster shielding Spike's chest, 'you tried so hard to convince her not to do it.'

'Not bloody likely,' Spike immediately denied, ‘ignorant gits deserved it.'

Unable to hide her amusement any longer, Buffy gave in to the laughter that had been building up inside her.

'Oh, Spike, I do love you.' Rubbing her hand affectionately over his shoulder, Buffy reached up and kissed him thoroughly.

'Not that I'm complainin', love, but what brought that on?' Spike asked once Buffy drew back and he was again in control of his voice.

'You just reminded me of how much you love me.'

Running a hand through her golden hair, Spike whispered hoarsely, 'you'll always have me, Buffy, no matter what happens.'

'I know, Spike.' Placing a tender kiss on his lips, Buffy told him gently, 'you've proved yourself to me so many times, and I'm so glad I finally came to my senses.'

Struggling to maintain an appearance of nonchalance, Spike commented with a glimmer of his old self, 'and what was it that convinced you, pet? My hot, manly body's reaction to you, or maybe it was allowing myself to be subjected to hours of torture at the hands of your sister by being forced to watch that pouncy DiCrapeo bugger firstly destroy completely the role of Romeo, and then playing a nauseating, airheaded dimwit on the Titanic that makes the whelp look like a Spartan warrior.'

Shaking her head, Buffy gave a soft chuckle. 'Although completely drool worthy, your body wasn't the deciding factor, Spike, nor your amazing resistance to my sister's diabolical methods of torture. And, eww! Xander in a loincloth, not a mental image I needed. No, what made me realise what you really are, and of how much love you're capable of feeling, was something completely different.'

'And what was it, pet?'

For a long moment Buffy stared into Spike's eyes, allowing him to see the warmth and love that had replaced the emptiness and despair that had lingered in her eyes since the night she had crawled out of her own grave.

Then, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her forehead against his, Buffy breathed out across his lips, 'I got to see you through a mother's eyes.' Brushing a sweet kiss against his mouth, Buffy explained further, 'I had a talk with your mother before I went to find you last night, and the more she told me about you the more I could see the truth in what she said. I remembered how you were with Drusilla, and also how you behaved around my mom and Dawn, and it became so clear to me that although you're a vampire you have a man's heart. I see your true self when you're with your mother, Spike. You may not notice it, but I have. You lose all your posturing and your Big Bad swagger when she's in the room, and all that's left is a man that loves his mother and is willing to do anything to protect her from one moment's worry.'

If vampires were able to blush Buffy was sure Spike's face would be the same colour as Willow's hair. Ducking his head in unmistakeable embarrassment, Spike muttered, 'she's my mum, pet, not like I could ever forget that. And it'd be a fine way to repay every kindness she ever showed me to go around and disgrace her by showing bad manners in front of her, or to treat her harshly.'

Smoothing her hand down his neck, Buffy informed him quietly, 'and that is why you're truly the best man I've ever known, Spike. There aren't too many people who would give up or do as much for their mother as you have, nor who would treat them with so much respect.'

'Well....' Clearly uncomfortable with having his gentler emotions under such scrutiny, even if it was by his girl, Spike shrugged his shoulders. Then, clearly in an effort to divert attention from his less-than-evil behaviour, Spike remarked lightly in mock horror, 'so, you saw me through a mother's eyes did you, love. Didn't start thinkin' of me like a son I hope?'

'Gross, Spike!' Slapping him playfully on the arm, Buffy couldn't prevent the gurgle of laughter that bubbled to the surface. 'That would be just a huge pile of wrong so I won't even go there.'

Snuggling against his chest, Buffy assured Spike fondly, 'my thoughts are definitely of the non-motherly and non-platonic variety where you're concerned.'

'Glad to hear it, pet.' Spike suggestively ran his hand across Buffy's back as he bent to nuzzle at her ear. 'As I can guarantee you, mine are exactly same.'

With a giddy smile spreading across her face, Buffy titled her head back and granted the vampire easier access to her slim neck. As his lips ghosted over the smooth skin Spike inhaled deeply, his senses immediately overwhelmed with pleasure at the scent of his lover.

'My world, my heart, my love,' he whispered devotedly, 'my Buffy.'

Gasping at the feelings racing through her body, Buffy blissfully closed her eyes as her back arched, the movement pushing her body closer against his. 'Oh, Spike, I do love you.'

Carried away by a tidal wave of emotion, the two on the couch suddenly found their hands exploring each other's bodies with an eager tenderness as their mouths gravitated toward the others in a fiery display of passion.

For the next few minutes the only sounds in the room were unrestrained moans of pleasure, accompanied by the soft whispers of two bodies moving against each other, and mingled with murmured words of adoration and wonder.

It was only as Spike's hand crept underneath the front of Buffy's shirt and was gliding up her warm flesh, that some small part of the vampire's mind began to flash warningly. As his mouth left a burning trail of kisses along Buffy's collarbone Spike tried to ignore the niggling little voice in his head, but eventually the quiet words penetrated the cloud of desire that surrounded his head.

She told you she wanted to take it slowly and you promised her that you would. Now, you're about to take her for the first time while her sister and your mum are upstairs. She doesn't deserve that. You've got more control over yourself than she does at the moment so stop this before you break your word to her. She's not ready despite her body's reactions. Now, STOP!

Jerking back abruptly, Spike held Buffy back as she went to kiss him again.

'No, love, we can't.'

Wounded green eyes met determined blue ones.

'What's wrong? What did I do?'

The insecure note in Buffy's voice softened Spike's expression considerably, and in a much gentler tone he said, 'Buffy, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just, you're not ready, pet, and much though I'd love to continue where we left off, I gave you my word that we'd wait. Plus, you deserve better than to have our first time in the middle of your lounge room with the nibblet and my mum upstairs.'

Blushing furiously at that thought, Buffy ducked her head so her blonde hair would cover her face. 'I can't believe I forgot about them,' she admitted, feeling ashamed. 'I'm so sorry, Spike. I keep making this so much harder for you and yet you still manage to keep a clearer head than me.'

'I don't want to lose you, pet,' Spike informed her soberly. 'So any sacrifice is worth it if it means I'll still have you.'

'You'll always have me, Spike.' Placing her hand chastely in his, Buffy heaved a small sigh as she added, 'even when I keep forgetting my own request.'

Tilting his head, Spike gazed down at her fondly as he observed lightly, 'don't worry about that, love, I find it rather flatterin' myself, knowin' you find me so irresistible.'

Releasing a tiny snort, Buffy whacked him half-heartedly on the shoulder. 'Dope.'

Neither spoke for a moment, then, her mind suddenly recalling something she had meant to ask him earlier, Buffy tentatively enquired, 'um, Spike, you know, since we're dating and everything now, could you tell me how – I mean where did you – that is –'

'Just spit it out, pet.'

'Where did you really get the money, you know to pay the mortgage?' Buffy glanced at Spike's face apprehensively, as though frightened he would take offence to her question. 'I mean, not that I think you'd do anything – um –'

'Nefarious,' Spike suggested helpfully, his eyes glinting with secret amusement at the blonde slayer's sudden display of nervousness.

At the sound of Spike's prompting word, Buffy nodded. 'Yeah, that one. I mean, you probably could've if you wanted to, but –'

Taking pity on her confusion, Spike informed her calmly, though with a tinge of humour, 'it was as I said, love, it was just some money I had lying around.'

Stunned, Buffy considered him in disbelief. 'But you were always asking us for money,' she managed to say. 'You even swiped money off Giles and Xander.'

With a dismissive shrug, Spike said casually, 'had to have my fun somewhere, and no one ever thought to ask if I had money. I‘m surprised Anya never thought to ask.'

'But where did you get it?' Buffy asked curiously.

Waving his hand airily, Spike replied vaguely, 'oh, just sold a few things 'bout two years ago, plus, I tend to switch bank accounts every fifteen years, have done since I was turned. Stops suspicious buggers from wonderin’ how the one bank account can stay open for over fifty years and yet the one holdin' it doesn't seem to age. Since I didn't tend to spend the money I've managed to accrue a tidy sum.'

Buffy frowned slightly. 'Why didn't you spend it? I mean surely there was something you wanted to buy.'

'That's the thing, love, vampire here,' Spike reminded her. 'We're not so much into the payin’ for what we want. It was a case of: if you want it, then take it, and sod all else.'

Not wishing to dwell on the vampire code of ethics, Buffy directed her attention to Spike's first answer. ''So what were the things you sold? They must have been pretty valuable.'

Shifting a bit uncomfortably at the memories that he may evoke with his next words, Spike, instead of answering her question, asked one of his own. 'You remember the Gem of Amara?'

Surprisingly, Buffy merely smiled. 'You mean the whole “can't wait to see if I freckle” incident?'

Relieved that amusement appeared to be her only reaction, Spike nodded. 'That's the one. Anyway, there was a whole stash of treasure along with the ring, and when you sent the gem off to Captain Forehead I took quite a bit of the pile with me when I went after it. Had some guys I know sell it for me. Since some of the pieces were thought to be lost centuries ago they sold for pretty high prices.'

'So you're like a multi-millionaire now or something?' Buffy joked.

At Spike's embarrassed cough, Buffy's eyes narrowed.

'Spike?' Sitting up straighter and crossing her arms interrogatively, Buffy demanded in astonishment. 'You're not really one are you?'

Rubbing the back of his neck ruefully, Spike admitted sheepishly, 'actually, it'd be a multi-billionaire, pet. Some of the pieces were really quite sought after.'

Mouth gaping and eyes nearly bulging from their sockets, Buffy was the epitome of a stunned mullet.

'Love, you OK?'

Unexpectedly, Buffy burst into a bout of gleeful giggles. 'Oh, please let me be the one to tell Xander,' she begged. 'I can just imagine him panicking in case Anya finds out and decides to go after you herself.'

'Do what you like, pet,' Spike smiled, relieved that she appeared to have gotten over the shock. 'Although it won't do demon girl a mite of good if she comes after me. I'm a one woman vamp, and I don't stray.'

Poking him threateningly in the chest, Buffy nodded in satisfaction. 'You'd better not, mister, or I'll beat her over the head and you'll be getting acquainted with Mr Pointy.'

Chuckling at this Spike grinned smugly. 'No need to get all jealous, pet, all of me is yours, now and always.'

'All of you? You mean that?' Buffy queried softly.

'Darling, you know I do.'

The endearment fell easily from Spike's lips, and Buffy's mouth curved into a bewitching smile. 'Then let me see you, Spike. Please. Let me see the face you've kept hidden from me for so long.'

'Buffy –'

'Please.'

At this last entreaty, Spike slowly inclined his head. 'All right, love. I'll show you.'

As his features slowly transformed into his vampire visage Spike waited in trepidation for Buffy's reaction.

Examining his golden eyes, the ridges and furrows lining his face, and, of course, the glistening fangs visible in his mouth, Buffy gently reached out and traced the lines tenderly.

'All of this is mine too,' she murmured.

'Yes.' Spike's voice was equally quiet. 'For all eternity.'

'As I am yours,' Buffy promised. 'And no matter what happens, Spike, I believe in you, and I will always love you.'

Placing her hand on Spike's cheek, Buffy leant in and placed a soft kiss on Spike's mouth. His fangs immediately receded, and as his face melted back into its human guise Spike returned the kiss lovingly.

Drawing back slowly the two gazed at each other for a moment, their eyes glittering with emotion. Then, with identical smiles of contentment, the two wrapped their arms around the other chastely as Spike relaxed into a semi-recumbent position on the couch with Buffy partially draped over him.

'And so “faith, hope and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love”.'

Spike's soft, absent words washed over Buffy, and lifting her head slightly she gazed into his shining blue eyes. 'Who said that? It sounds familiar.'

His expression strangely peaceful Spike replied quietly, 'it was written by a man who havin’ enjoyed persecuting the early Christians for some time was later converted and became one of their greatest saints. Went by the name of Paul.' Smiling reminiscently, Spike admitted, 'ever since I heard that passage when I was young I've always remembered it for it taught me the most important thing I've ever learnt.'

'And what's that?' Buffy asked curiously.

'That love surpasses all other things and it never fails.'

Her eyes lingering on the face of the most paradoxical vampire she had ever known, Buffy smiled as she thought of one of the Scourge of Europe continuing to remember, and she guessed live by, a bible passage when they should be doing their utmost to forget it.

Affectionately placing her head back on his chest, Buffy whispered, 'if all hearts were like yours, Spike, I think the world would be a much happier place.'

'There's only three hearts that concern me, Buffy,' Spike informed her quietly. 'Yours, nibblet's and Mum's.'

'And you have each and every one of them,' Buffy said truthfully. 'We all love you, Spike, and none of us will ever turn you away.'

Responding in the only way he could think of, Spike brought his lips down on Buffy's as his arms encircled her pliant form. As he felt himself surrounded by her loving embrace, Spike could not help the feeling of wonder that spread through him as he thought of how much his existence had changed in the past few months, culminating in Buffy declaring her love for him. At this memory, Spike had one last thought before the warmth of Buffy's lips chased all conscious thoughts from his mind.

And it's all because she saw me through a mother's eyes.

THE END