Chapter Text
I was lying beside Jackson. He had his phone in his hand and scrolling past his Weibo timeline, the sleep clearly visible in his eyes but he was refusing to go to sleep.
“Ga Yee,” I called out to him and rolled to the side to face him.
He hummed.
“I was thinking..”
I hesitated and he noticed it. Putting his phone away, he rested his head on his hand as he raised himself on one elbow, looking straight at me.
“What is it?”
I took his hand in mine. “Remember when I went through the songs in your phone to find that specific one we were searching for that day?”
He nodded as he waited for me to continue.
“I accidentally transferred a demo version of your new song, “Okay”. I know you don’t want us to listen until it gets out but I only noticed when it came on on shuffle.”
I was relieved he didn’t look mad or annoyed. He just shrug on his shoulders.
“It’s fine, it’s gonna get released tomorrow anyway.”
I was unconsciously rubbing his fingers, they were long and slim. He had big hands, the veins popping up.
“I have a question.”
Waiting for his response, I threw a glance at his face. But he didn’t seem to mind.
“What inspired you to write it?”
I must have reminded him of something because he let his head fall back onto the pillow, this time it was his turn to look at the ceiling as he wondered.
After what seemed like forever he finally answered.
“I think you know.. When we broke up …”
More pause.
“I was devastated. Literally. I felt like drinking myself crazy every night. I could never have a proper night’s sleep. Food tasted like nothing. People were like annoying sounds. I felt like there was no hope in the world. And it just made everything worse whenever I saw you because the pain just came back as a punch. It was horrible. I often wondered if you felt as hopeless as I did. If you suffered the same way as me. But you always looked so calm, so quiet and expressionless.”
His grip on my hand had tightened the same way I felt my heart tighten. Hearing him talk about that period felt so painful. He really had been hurting. Just like me.
“To be honest, I have no idea how I came up with the lyrics. I just sat down and scribbled down my feelings and suddenly it hit me, this could be a song. And that’s how I came up with it. Papillon too. I wrote them together. It’s like, I let my frustrations of the system and our break-up take over. God, you have no idea how mad I was at our agency for making you decide between your job and me. But at the same time I was in so much pain. Always having to tell myself that it would be okay, that my feelings for you would go away with time when I knew that you would be the only one in my life..”
I wanted to cry. This was so painful to listen to.
Rolling over once again, I swung my arm over him and pulled him closer.
“GaGa…”
My voice was only a whisper close to his ear.
He let out a short humorless laughter. “To think that my solo debut song is inspired by our break-up.”
I buried my face in between his neck and shoulder, the lump in my throat was making it hard for me to speak.
“Oh god, Sseunie, I am so sorry..”
He turned his face to plant a kiss in my hair. “It’s okay, don’t think too much about it. I’m okay now, we both are.”
I raised my head to look in his beautiful hazel brown eyes.
He sent me a bright smile and touched my cheek with a finger.
“So cute,” was the only think he said before he bowed down.
Feeling his soft lips on mine was all I needed to get the pain off my chest.
I let my hands dig in his hair and sighed out in pleasant as he moved his lips between mine. He pulled me so close, I was almost lying on him and I paused the kiss to laugh but I was immediately muted by another kiss.
“Mmh,” he hummed, his hands now exploring on my body. I felt his fingers on the edge of my boxers.
The heat was increasing really quick and I didn’t care for anything.
He let go of my lips after a long kiss and said “Let’s take it easy, we have a schedule tomorrow.”
I nodded but I didn’t fully agree.
Since that time when Jinyoung had told us that the company had given us another chance on the condition that we would be more careful, Jackson seemed to always hold back.
The members had even come up with the idea that Jackson should focus more on Jinyoung than me. There would be days where we almost didn’t get to talk because we had schedule all day.
I didn’t want to risk anything either but Jackson flirting so much with Jinyoung kind of annoyed me. Jackson knew and he was a little shit because he always did something to Jinyoung while making sure I was a witness. He was such a tease.
Jaebum’s voice pulled me back to the real world. “Kids, our manager is sick again so our schedule is postponed,” sounded his loud voice from the living room. I head BamBam yell out his happy feelings.
Jackson looked down on me, smiling in an adorable way as if he hadn’t just attacked me.
“Oh, I guess we do have the time,” he said, sending me a smirk as he let his fingers invade my boxers.
I gasped.