Chapter Text
Chapter 4
The following Monday at school, Lila stuffed her books inside her locker with a dazed look in her eye. Her mind was still a mess of truth and lies, unable to distinguish between the two anymore. Who was she now without her façade? Somehow she’d lost sight of that pretending to be someone she wasn’t, and as a result, she didn’t know what to say or even how to fake a smile. She both longed to see Marinette and simultaneously dreaded it though it was for a different reason than normal now because now she was going to confess her sins to her and beg for forgiveness.
It was uncharted territory for Lila. Schmoozing was easy when it was fake, but Lila had never had to genuinely convince someone of something before. She felt so open and exposed as if everyone could see right through her, and it made her skin crawl. Was it too late to transfer schools? If ever she wanted to run away and forget a place, it was this one.
“Lila?” She startled, twisting around to see Marinette standing behind her with a worried expression. “Are you feeling better? Rose told me you felt sick on Saturday and had to leave early.”
Her brows were knitted together, eyes filled with concern, and Lila felt her heart skip. She should hate her face. She wanted to hate her face. But she didn’t. Truthfully Lila had done a lot of thinking over the weekend, and the realization that Marinette’s actions had all been genuine and likely to make up for her behavior had flipped everything Lila had ever known on its head. No one had ever been her friend before. Not really anyways, and Lila wasn’t quite sure how to process it. She was, however, sure of one thing: she had developed a hopeless crush on Marinette overnight.
It made her whole confession scheme all the more daunting, though also all the more necessary. Lila had never been in love before. Not like this anyway. Sure, she’d set her sights on the hot popular types before, but it usually came with an ulterior motive. But this was different. This made her skin clammy and her hands shaky, and she didn’t know what to do with that.
“Yeah, I got a little stomach bug. I was over it in a day, so it’s fine now,” She said, the lie coming out smoothly, but her face quickly fell. “Um, I’m sorry I missed the rest of your party.”
“That’s okay. I’m just glad you’re feeling better.” Marinette placed her hands on Lila’s shoulders with a cheerful smile that made her spine stiffen. “Hey, why don’t you sleep over this weekend to make up for it?”
“Oh, uh, I- that sounds…great,” She stammered, and Marinette tilted her head to the side, slipping a hand under Lila’s bangs to press her hand to her forehead.
“Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You still feel a little warm.” Lila’s cheeks burned under her concerned gaze, and she swatted Marinette’s hand away.
“I’m fine, and I’ll totally be there Saturday,” She said, and Marinette’s sunniness returned easily.
“Awesome! I can’t wait; I can ask Papa to make my grandma’s pizza for us, and we’ll have tons of movies and games and-” She prattled on as they walked to class, and Lila rubbed her temple with an internalized groan.
This was going to be harder than she thought.
The longer she put it off, the more her guilt was going to eat at her, but there really wasn’t a good time to talk to Marinette alone. She really did know everyone at school, and there was always someone else nearby anytime Lila approached with even a fraction of the confidence she needed. But she had Saturday night to look forward to where she was certain to get Marinette alone if the wait didn’t kill her first.
The mixture of dread and eagerness was doing a number on her mental health, but nonetheless she managed to survive until Saturday. She spent the day watching the clock impatiently until it was finally time to go to Marinette’s house. Her parents weren’t home, as usual, so she locked up and headed out.
“You’re here!” Marinette pulled her into a tight hug the moment she opened the door.
“I told you I would be,” Lila said, patting her back awkwardly.
“Come on in! Papa is almost done with the pizza, and I downloaded that Italian love drama that you recommended,” Marinette said, taking her wrist and pulling her inside.
“Welcome, Lila,” Mrs. Cheng greeted with a smile. “Don’t be shy just make yourself at home.”
“Thanks,” Lila said, twisting the strap on her duffle bag in knots.
“It’s always good to have another Italian in the house,” Her father commented with a grin. “I’ve been perfecting a Bolognese for quite some time now, and I’d love to get your opinion of it sometime.”
“Uh, sure.” Lila nodded, and Marinette placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Come on, you can put your bag up in my room,” She said, pointing up the stairs, and Lila followed after her like a baby duckling.
Her parents were so warm and welcoming, and it weirded Lila out a little bit but in a good way she supposed. It was nice to have people interested in her comfort and, as the proper Italian that Mr. Dupain was, her hunger level. Every time she turned around almost they offered her tea and cookies, bread, cheese, cake, and Lila hadn’t eaten so much since Christmas at her grandmother’s house.
“Well, we’re going to go clean up downstairs while you two watch your movie. Let us know if you need anything,” Mrs. Cheng said as Marinette flopped on the couch beside Lila with a bowl of popcorn.
“Okay. Thanks, Mama,” She said, nodding over her shoulder as her parents retreated downstairs. “Sorry, I know they can be a bit overwhelming sometimes.”
“It’s okay. They’re nice,” Lila said, hugging her knees to her chest.
“What are your parents like?” Marinette asked, clicking the remote to turn on the TV.
“They’re…busy.” Lila shrugged, and Marinette winced apologetically as if she’d broached a sensitive subject which, she had, but Lila wasn’t going to guilt her about it. “They just work a lot that’s all. It’s no biggie.”
“I’m sorry. That must be really lonely,” Marinette said, reaching out to place her hand over Lila’s gently, and Lila fixed her gaze on it, cheeks flushing a little.
“Sometimes, but I manage.” She shrugged. Not very well, as it seemed, but she was hoping to work on that.
“You’re always welcome here if you ever want some company,” Marinette said, and Lila opened her mouth to confess her sins only to be interrupted by the title screen music of their movie.
She faced forward as Marinette hit play and clamped her mouth shut, heart hammering in her chest. Close, but Lila needed more time to find her courage. Sleepovers were a place for really personal and intimate heart-to-hearts, right? Wasn’t that more or less why truth or dare was invented? At least she had cheesy Italian romance to calm her nerves for a while. If only her problems could be solved as simply as the ones in movies.
When the movie finally ended, it was getting late, and Marinette suppressed a yawn. Lila’s pulse quickened, a lump forming in her throat as Marinette turned off the television and turned to her. Should she say it now? Could she say it now? They were alone, but was Lila ready to deal with the consequences of what she had to say?
Worst case scenario, Marinette threw her out and never spoke to her again, but on the other hand, she could totally forgive her then they could enjoy a wonderful evening together. And Lila would be rid of all of her guilt, but the ever looming threat of the first scenario made her stomach churn.
“You ready for bed?” Marinette asked, stretching her arms over her head, and Lila nodded, standing up and heading for the stairs.
“Hey, Marinette…” She blurted boldly before she could overthink it, stopping short on the steps.
“Yeah?” Marinette glanced up at her and cocked a brow.
“Can I tell you something?” She asked, clutching fistfuls of her pajama pants to keep her hands from shaking.
“Of course, what is it?” She prompted with an encouraging smile, and Lila bit her lip, swallowing back a lump in her throat.
“I-I…” Her bravery was cut short when Mr. Dupain’s footsteps sounded in the hallway and seconds later the front door opened.
“Hey, girls, having fun?” He beamed, strolling in casually.
“Yeah, I think we’re gonna head to bed,” Marinette said as her dad filled a cup with water and tipped it back.
“Can I ask you a favor?” He asked, rinsing the cup and setting it in the dishwasher.
“Sure, Papa, what’s up?” Marinette paced down a few steps to meet him.
“I hate to ask this of you, sweetie, but can you repair my apron sometime soon?” Her father asked with an apologetic wince, holding it out to her, and Marinette accepted it without hesitation.
“Of course, Papa. I’ll sew it up tonight,” She said as if it weren’t a big deal.
“It can wait until tomorrow since you have a friend over,” He insisted, waving his hands frantically.
“It won’t take me long,” She said, examining the tear.
“If you’re sure…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Thank you, honey.”
“You’re welcome, Papa.” She stretched up to peck his cheek before following Lila up the stairs to her room. “Good night!”
“Good night.”
“You don’t have to stay up with me,” Marinette said retrieving her sewing kit.
“It’s fine. I’m not tired yet,” She insisted, politely omitting the fact that she was too anxious to fall asleep as of late.
They were alone now, and yet Lila couldn’t bring herself to say much. She couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth. Maybe it was because she wanted to cling to this normalcy and camaraderie for as long as she could since she’d never had real friendships like this before. But this wasn’t real because Lila had always just told lies and put on a face. She’d been so absorbed in her mission that she missed the first opportunity she had to make real friends, and once she told Marinette the truth, she was certain that everything was going to change between them. So, if she were being honest, the real reason she couldn’t bring herself to do it was because she was a coward. Lies were comfortable, and they were all she’d ever known. Even if Marinette forgave her, Lila would start her journey down a long and unfamiliar road, and it terrified her.
So she sat quietly on the chaise next to Marinette, watching her fix the stitching on her father’s apron, wallowing in self-pity and regret until she’d finally finished and stretched her arms above her head with a yawn.
“Ready for bed?” Marinette asked, and Lila nodded, so she stood up to put away her supplies before they both crawled into her bed. “I’m really glad you came tonight. It’s been fun to spend time together with just the two of us.”
“Yeah…” She winced, settling down on her side, and Marinette laid beside her, her face only inches away enough that her breath swirled around Lila’s cheeks.
“I’m really glad that we’re friends, Lila,” She said, taking Lila’s hands in her own. “I hope we can become even closer.”
Lila pressed her lips into a firm line, studying the look in Marinette’s eyes. They were always filled with so much light when they looked at her, and she wondered how anyone could convey such genuine emotion like that. She envied her, her life, her loving relationship with her parents…Deep down it was something that Lila had always wanted but never gotten, so she’d adapted to the life she had. So maybe, if she were lucky, if she hoped and prayed hard enough, she could have a life like Marinette’s someday. A life with friends and happiness and love.
She gave Marinette’s hand a gentle squeeze, a small smile curling on her lips. “Me too.”
Marinette seemed pleased by her response, and she reached up to turn off the light before settling in contently. Lila waited until her breathing slowed and evened out before blinking her eyes open again. She reached out to brush strands of hair behind Marinette’s ear, running her thumb over the earrings. A week ago, Lila would have jumped at such an opportunity to have Marinette so vulnerable before her, such an easy target for her sleight of hand, but things were different now, and Lila couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not after everything Marinette had done for her.
Ladybug had humiliated her on her first day, but Marinette helped her move past that and do something Lila had never done before. Every day when she went to school now, people stopped her in the halls to tell her good morning or compliment her outfit. She had people to sit with at lunch who weren’t just interested in the fantastical stories she had to tell. People who cared about more than just her lies.
In a weird way, Lila was grateful that Ladybug had called her out because if she hadn’t then Lila wouldn’t be lying in a bed with a friend, but rather, she’d likely be at home, alone with nothing but fake admirers and two busy parents. In an instant that road seemed a lot less daunting, and Lila realized that maybe she’d been taking steps down it all this time without realizing.
Because she did find Kim’s jokes funny and Nino’s remixes catchy. She cared about Rose’s letters to Prince Ali, Alix’s new rollerblades, and Max’s newest high score on Ultimate Mecha Strike. Maybe in her mind she’d been pretending at first, but maybe there was also something genuine inside her, and she just didn’t know how to recognize it.
She let her hand drop back onto the pillow, leaving the earrings right where they belonged. Marinette really was a hero, and she’d saved Lila from herself.
When morning came, Lila pulled the blanket over her head to shield herself from the sunlight streaming in through the skylight. Marinette still slept peacefully beside her, and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. Never before in her life had Lila wanted something so badly as she did a fresh start with Marinette. A fresh start with herself. Maybe she wasn’t certain who she would be or where she would end up, but she hoped in her mind that she could be more like Marinette. Genuine, caring, honest. Someone worth loving and being friends with.
Confessing her wrongdoings was only the beginning, and she silently hoped that Marinette could forgive her. After all, she’d forgiven her once already and seemed to like her well-enough now. And for what it was worth, Lila had forgiven her too, and it was a weight lifted from her shoulders. She hadn’t realized how heavy a grudge could be until she finally stopped carrying one.
“Girls! Breakfast!” Mrs. Cheng called up the stairs, and Marinette shifted in her sleep, eyelids fluttering open a few moments later.
“Good morning,” She yawned, stretching her legs out.
“Morning,” Lila said groggily, rubbing her eyes.
“Did you sleep okay?” Marinette asked, sitting up. “I didn’t hog the bed, did I?”
“No, you were fine,” She insisted, shaking her head. “I hope that I didn’t steal the blanket too much.”
“Honestly if you did, I didn’t notice. Once I’m asleep I’m completely out.” She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Are you hungry? I’m sure Papa baked us something for breakfast.”
Lila detected the faint smell of bread, and her stomach growled embarrassingly loud. Marinette giggled as she clamped her hands over it, cheeks flushing. She seemed so relaxed, the polar opposite of the storm raging inside Lila’s mind. Would she be able to smile so care freely one day too?
“Good morning, girls,” Mrs. Cheng greeted as they climbed down the stairs.
“Morning, Mom.” Marinette pecked her cheek before taking a seat at the table, decorated with fresh fruit and bread.
Everything in their life was so warm and filled with love. As Marinette sliced pieces of bread, Mrs. Cheng poured them tea, and Lila felt a bit overwhelmed. She wasn’t used to dining with other people at breakfast as her parents just took their cups of coffee to go. Only on holidays would her whole family get together to share a meal.
“Did you two sleep okay?” Mrs. Cheng asked, taking a sip of her tea. “You didn’t stay up all night gossiping, did you?”
“No, we went to bed, and I fixed Papa’s apron for him,” Marinette said, slathering her slice with jam before taking a bite.
“I’m sure he’ll be happy to get it back.” She perked up. “I’ll go run it down to him and let you girls finish eating.”
“Okay. It’s on my desk next to my sewing machine,” Marinette instructed as her mother disappeared up the stairs, and Lila waited until she returned all the way down to the bakery before flicking her gaze to Marinette.
“Alya and the girls are going to the pool today, do you want to come?” She asked, scrolling through her messages on her phone.
“S-Sure.” She nodded, rubbing her sweating palms on her fleecy pajamas.
“Awesome! I’ll let them know,” She said, keys clacking as she typed a quick response.
“Um, actually, can I tell you something first?” Lila started, swallowing back the lump in her throat.
“Sure,” Marinette said, sobering and turning to face her fully.
“I want to be honest with you, for once, because I see now how petty I’ve been, and I want to be better.” Marinette tilted her head a little in confusion but listened intently nonetheless. “I know your secret, Marinette. I have for a while…”
“M-My secret?” Her eyebrows raised in surprise as a nervous grin crept over her lips.
“I saw you in the library the day after I arrived at school. I know that you’re Ladybug.” Marinette’s eyes widened worriedly, and Lila averted her gaze with a shrug. “It’s fine. I’m not going to tell anybody, but I want you to know something about me that might ruin our friendship, but I’m tired of pretending. For once in my life, I want something real.”
She paused for a moment as Marinette’s jaw closed, and she nodded for Lila to continue.
“When I found out who you were, I was angry because I felt like you were befriending me to mock me, and I thought that everything you were doing was fake. So I pretended to be your friend hoping to get back at you for everything you did to me, and I hated your guts because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t beat you.” She gripped her pajamas nervously, gaze locked on the table. “I even planned to steal your earrings from you so that you couldn’t be Ladybug anymore. That’s why I gave you those stupid fake ones for your birthday. I thought that you were like me, and that you had everyone wrapped around your finger because you made them revere you. But I was wrong.
“People like you because you care. They’re your friends because you’re always standing up for them and putting your neck out for them. You’ve never been fake to any of them, and when I realized that, I was ashamed. You have everything I’ve always wanted, and I’ve been really jealous of you all this time. And you’ve only ever been nice to me and been my friend, and I-I…” She ran a hand across her cheek, feeling something hot and wet touch her skin, lip quivering, but she continued. “I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to be more like you. I want to be honest and have friends, and I want to be friends with you. For real this time, but I understand if you hate me.”
Marinette sat in stunned silence for a moment while Lila hiccupped and whimpered pathetically before she reached out to place her hand over Lila’s with a sympathetic smile.
“I don’t hate you,” She said gently, scooting closer. “In fact, I don’t blame you. The things Ladybug said to you- the things I said to you were harsh and uncalled for. The truth is, I was jealous of you and worried that you were going to steal Adrien away from me, and I got angry and lashed out at you.”
“You had every right to. I was using you to make myself look better because I never expected Ladybug to drop out of the sky and call me out like that.” She rubbed her nose and sniffled. “I hated you so much when I found out. I hated you more than anyone, but I couldn’t- you’re so genuine and honest, and I’ve never had that before. I want to hate you, but I can’t.”
She paused to take a breath. “I realized that I can’t hate you because I love you. I love you, and I want to be with you, but I know I don’t deserve you.”
“We’ve both done things we aren’t proud of, but I’m willing to put it behind us if you are.” Lila glanced up to meet her kind gaze, feeling her tears welling up again. “Honestly, I was expecting you to confess your feelings to me all this time, but I never expected that you knew my secret…I felt a little guilty too knowing what I did to you as Ladybug before I even knew you. Because once I got to know you, I couldn’t help but fall for you.”
“I don’t deserve someone like you,” She wailed, burying her face in Marinette’s chest. “You’re so nice and gentle and caring, and I’m so horrible and mean and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for lying to make myself look better. I’m sorry I pretended to be your friend. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“I don’t think you’re horrible.” Marinette shook her head, running her fingers through Lila’s hair. “You’ve done horrible things and been mean, but that doesn’t mean that has to be who you are. You can change all that and turn that girl you’ve been pretending to be into the real you.”
“I don’t know how,” She said, sitting up, and Marinette cupped her face, brushing a tear from her cheek.
“Then it’s a good thing you’ve got me,” She said with a laugh. “Because I love you too, Lila, and I’m willing to help you so long as you want to be better.”
“I do. I want to be someone who deserves your love,” She whimpered, and Marinette took her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know who I am without all of my lies, but I know that I want to be more open and honest with others and with myself.”
Marinette smiled brightly, and for the first time in a long time, Lila smiled too. Not out of want for something or to manipulate someone into getting her way, but out of happiness. Her chest was warm and overflowing with happiness and light, and tears streamed down her cheeks as Marinette held her close. There she was safe, and there she was loved, and she had a lot of work to do.