internalized abelism
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College AU Roadrat. I'll try to write a better summary later. Sorry. Abandoned.
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"Be careful of the Murdock boys," Matt's grandmother used to say, "they've got the devil in them."
Or: An account of Matt's inner struggles through his life.
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Sammy sets down the knife and picks up the note.
Series
- Part 3 of Time and the World do not Stand Still
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Mao Mao's been ignoring the signs his brain's been giving him and has to realize he can't mask anymore.
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don't let me drown / don't breathe alone by ScreechTheMighty
Fandoms: Apex Legends (Video Games)
25 Aug 2020
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< eighteen strides and she stops to abide / by the law that she herself has set >
A vent fic.
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“Take this.”
Kaoru looked up from the papers on his desk, eyes flickering between Kojiro and the brush in his hands. “Excuse me?”
It was the next day at school, and Kojiro was determined to make it a good one for Kaoru. Or, he’d try to at least. His idea may be a complete and total disaster (which wouldn’t be surprising, to be honest), but it was worth a try.
And hey, if anyone were to get in trouble for this, it would be Kojiro. If that happens, Kaoru would be able to laugh at the stupidity of his plan and maybe that’d help him forget for a little while. Kojiro was willing to face the consequences if it meant he could make Kaoru smile.
[or kojiro just wants kaoru to be able to stim in class without teachers docking points off assignments]
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catch me floating circles in my fishbowl by ScreechTheMighty
Fandoms: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
16 Feb 2024
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did the tide forget to move? / i just pray that i'm not losing you...
The Winters begin to recover, physically and emotionally, but it isn't just the wounds of the village that they have to face. | OR, a sequel to "everything stays."
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Wobblies by Anonymous
Fandoms: DSMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
15 Mar 2022
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Ranboo is struggling with some weird symptoms causing voids legs to buckle. This should be fun.
Series
- Part 15 of cisn’t system vents
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Marc Spector faces more than the obvious problems. Steven Grant may have the solutions. AKA some bits and pieces about the Knight System being autistic because I said so.
Series
- Part 2 of how the most dangerous thing is to love
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bite me 'cause I think I'm dreaming by aplusjaybirdie (gemstone_wings)
Fandoms: Critical Role (Web Series)
29 May 2022
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Yasha needs to feed. Beau thinks there's better ways to get blood than accosting strangers in the woods.
Vampire AU for Beauyasha Week 2022 - free prompt.
Series
- Part 1 of life swarms with innocent monsters
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Little No More by sootspritewrangler
Fandoms: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
18 Aug 2022
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Willow just wants one thing done right on her wedding day, she is certainly not having any luck with her hair. Luckily her father comes to save the day.
*Inspired by Beautiful Boy by John Lennon (except girl version)*
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gentle words meaning the most by orphan_account
Fandoms: Minecraft (Video Game), 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series
22 Aug 2022
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“why did you decide to come here? it’s not exactly a vacation hot spot.” tango giggles, and jimmy smiles again at that.
why did he come here? it’s a loaded question really, he could give two answers really. the simple answer, he wanted to get away from people. or the more complex answer, the one that he hates telling.
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We Are Like the Morning Fog, Mystical Yet Dangerous by TRANScendtheBInary
Fandoms: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
03 Sep 2022
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Leonardo is suffering in silence, and his brothers worry.
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Rest Time My Dear by way_too_many_fandoms
Fandoms: Rise of the Guardians (2012), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon)
19 Oct 2022
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Hiccup new prosthetic is making him more than a bit annoyed, but at least he has someone with him to help him through the strenuous process of learning to walk again.
Series
- Part 19 of Caito's Whumptober 2022
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It’s okay (I’ll love you either way) by Blissful_Jupiter
Fandoms: プロジェクトセカイ カラフルステージ！| Project SEKAI COLORFUL STAGE! (Video Game)
27 Oct 2022
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You’d think that being a street performer, a musician, a singer who sung in front of racous crowds, constantly cheering and pushing up against the metal railings to get a closer glimpse of him, that he’s be used to harsh noises and loudness. He’d be used to hoards of people gathering, their eyes glued to him as he flaunts his voice.
It doesn’t seem like it thought. At least right now it didn’t.
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or: Toya experiences sensory overload and goes nonverbal. Sometimes he wonders how his boyfriend puts up with him.
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Sorrow Is Not My Name by lizard_bitch
Fandoms: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs
14 Nov 2022
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It's not like Fiona’s new to mourning. She’s well acquainted with it, in fact. She’s felt the ache of loss and the slow process of trying to piece herself together after the fact. Most peculiars have. But she does not know how to mourn herself. Her legs no longer work how they should. And she’s beginning to realize all the things she can no longer do.
It's not like the losses of her childhood, nor the losses of her teens. Because she’s still alive, and how do you mourn the living, the changeable?
How do you pick up the pieces of yourself when the pieces are crumbling?OR
How Fiona processes the fact that her fall from the cliff in Miss Wren's loop left her disabled.
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the balance of life is in the ripe and ruin by ScreechTheMighty
Fandoms: God of War (Video Games)
15 Dec 2022
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Sindri lives with the aftermath of Ragnarok. || MAJOR game spoilers.
Series
- Part 1 of you must fix your heart
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Light really and truly isn’t Kira. He’s a regular person with OCD who lands under L’s surveillance and has to handle the absolute nightmare scenario of having your paranoid thoughts of being monitored suddenly come true.
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Colourblindness (but like, way worse) by Aeriona
Fandoms: The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords
03 Feb 2023
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Vio permanently loses his sight after being attacked by a monster, only a week after he repaired the Dark Mirror.
A lot of angst ensues as he learns to live with it, but it'll end well. Probably. Hopefully.
There's a good amount of violence to be found here, you have been warned! -
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Hunter's routine is disturbed and he doesn't cope very well.
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When the Bough Breaks by NiennaNir
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
12 Jun 2014
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It was meant to be just another mission, but an unexpected discovery in what was supposed to be a Hydra weapon's lab turns the lives of everyone in Avenger's tower upside down and forces each of them to confront the darkness of the past as well as their hopes for the future.
Series
- Part 3 of Love and Other Nursery Tales
- Language:
- English
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- 83,535
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Comments:
- 209
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- 831
- Bookmarks:
- 152
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Bookmarked by Au_nte
13 Jun 2014
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Bookmarker's Notes
Chap 18 just about KILLED me, but this was an excellent story.
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Like Today Never Happened by Nefhiriel
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
31 Oct 2014
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No one should be able to just steal Captain America's health. The Avengers are all agreed on that. And yet there Steve is: stuck in a hospital bed with a whole slew of medical issues - and nothing about this is remotely okay.
They've got to make this right. They've got to fix this. It's just going to take a while.
OR
Steve is reverted to his pre-serum state, and the Avengers deal with the fallout.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 52,812
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 378
- Kudos:
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- 556
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Bookmarked by Au_nte
23 Jun 2015
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Bookmarker's Notes
Steve should’ve probably felt belittled, to have the argument confiscated from him like it was naptime. Instead, he felt more like chuckling, because only Coulson can turn “You Upset Captain America” into “Stop Breaking the Ten Commandments.”
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Some forces of nature, however, were not to be denied. Steve, spotting an injured teammate attempting to flee care, became the border collie who espied a rebel sheep wandering from the flock.It didn’t matter in the slightest that none of them were sheep, or that their collective herd instincts amounted to zilch. It didn’t matter, not when Steve the wonder-herder arrived on the scene.
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You never wanted to hear Thor aim that low, dark, venom-filled tone at you, Clint decided. If you earned that tone and that look, your options were limited to shooting yourself in the head before he could get his hands on you to inflict pain and suffering, or to groveling quickly and hoping for mercy.
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“I hate being weak.”“You aren’t.” Tony didn’t have to think about it. Not for a second.
“I am.”
Tony soldiered on. “The point is…you’re probably not going to remember much of this in the morning, anyway. But maybe some of it’ll sink in. You know, the subconscious retaining information, and all that. So listen up, kid. Because, whatever garbage you’re telling yourself—if this is where it’s taking you?—it’s gotta stop. Super soldier, or average soldier, or pint-sized soldier, you’re still the one Erskine picked, and you’re still a vital part of what makes this team thing work. No one’s humoring you by asking you stay. You’ve got to have noticed by now that none of us are the types to be bothered with pep talks and nice sentiments. Except Fury, the big softie. He’s obviously just partial.” His lips quirked. “And, frankly, Cap? If you try any harder at achieving ‘special,’ I’m afraid you might spontaneously combust from too much of that internalized goodness-and-light. That much sincerity can’t be healthy. I mean, c’mon. A guy can only be so sickeningly altruistic before it becomes nauseating, or radioactive, or something.”
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It figured, after so much positive forward progress, that they were due a setback. Really, Tony should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve just told Pepper to book out a timeslot for Imminent Setback, and aimed for coordination and punctuality rather then avoidance.
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They were a team, not a family, and no matter how close they got they’d never be blood. But the last months had been like getting-to-know-you boot camp. The six of them had been getting along alright before Radner had “happened,” but getting along wasn’t the same as not getting along all the time and still caring enough to stay. Or caring too much to do the selfish, natural thing, and run from other people’s pain.
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But the wrongness of it all kept creeping over them all. It was overwhelmingly unfair. Despite their name, “avenging” hadn’t been much a part of what they did. They saved. They dredged catastrophes to find the happy ending. The only possible ending.Steve kept hoping, and that was the cruelest irony of all: out of the whole slew of problems he had, his heart was the organ to give up on him. Steve, whose heart didn’t give up on anyone else.
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It made him feel like a bully, sitting there whole and healthy, telling a scrawny kid to pull himself up by his bootstraps and will himself to get over being chronically ill and sickly.And Tony saw, with a pang of directionless anger, just how selfish it was to want Steve to keep being that stalwart beacon of enduring optimism that the Avengers had come to rely on. Steve might pull through, and linger as an invalid for the rest of his life. He might live, and never recover from the damage to his heart. They’d do everything they could for him, but in the end would it really be enough?
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The two factors were largely connected (cause, meet effect), and Tony couldn’t blame him. It was comical at times, the way he tripped over air, but they could all sense he was also hitting rock bottom: tired of his body betraying him, and making him so weak, and out-of-control, and undignified. The fact that the current cause was a positive one didn’t prevent it from pushing him over the edge of what he could handle with equanimity.
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