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A Treatise on Simulated Romantic Dynamics (or, How to Accidentally Fall in Love with Your Fake Boyfriend) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
29 Sep 2025
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“They already think we’re together,” Kaveh points out, as if this is something normal people say in daylight. “The rumors are unstoppable. Have you seen what they’re writing on the public notice boards? I’m practically a martyr. You're some kind of cold-blooded dom in everyone’s mind—”
Alhaitham blinks. “A what.”
Kaveh waves his hand. “Never mind, the point is: they think we’re dating. Or hate-dating. Or secretly engaged in some kind of enemies-to-lovers slow-burn death match.”
Alhaitham cannot believe this is a sentence that has occurred. In his kitchen.
“They think we’re in love,” Kaveh concludes, triumphant and slightly breathless. “And you know what that means?”
Alhaitham stares. “That Sumeru needs better education policy.”
“That means,” Kaveh says, undeterred, “we can get ahead of it. Control the narrative. Pretend to be a couple. Just for a little while. Just to throw them off.”
Or, Alhaitham and Kaveh decide to fake a relationship, and the feelings never stop being real.
Series
- Part 24 of Kavetham / Haikaveh Oneshots & Twoshots
- Part 19 of A Treatise on Intellectual Dumbasses and Their Incomprehensible Love
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,256
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Hits:
- 1
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Kaveh’s tattoos are praised by celebrities and magazines alike, but somewhere along the path to his success, the meaning bled out of his art. Then, after ten long years, Alhaitham rides back into his life on a motorcycle - rugged, quick-witted, and infuriatingly unforgettable.
With love laced into the ink Kaveh had long since stopped believing in, something beautiful finally begins to take shape once more.
It was too immaculate, really. The sleek countertops, glass partitions, and impossibly white walls gleamed under soft, ambient lighting like they’d never known the comfort of a chaos Kaveh had lived with his entire life. Every surface was made of the kind of material that rejected fingerprints and resisted clutter - sanitized, both physically and emotionally.
Though the district his new studio was in was posh and high-end, it was surprisingly devoid of a single decent coffee shop. Perhaps the elitist locals had never actually tasted good coffee and simply mistook bitterness in a designer cup for depth - much like their conversations.
So far, Kaveh had choked down three lattes and a macchiato that tasted like lukewarm regret with a splash of oat milk.
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Five Times Kaveh and Alhaitham Argued (and the One Time They Didn't) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
22 Sep 2025
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Five times they argued like scholars doomed to orbit the same conclusion (over coffee-related war crimes, fridge cartography, pillow jurisdiction, the jealousy of earrings, and love as footnote), and the one time they chose to stay—without needing to argue their case.
Series
- Part 23 of Kavetham / Haikaveh Oneshots & Twoshots
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There Are Flowers In My Heart (Growing Thorns) by writingrosez
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
09 Sep 2025
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The powers visions grant a person have always been a topic of curiosity for people. Those with visions have stronger resistance to the elements, abilities no ordinary person can have, and it serves as a medal of recognition from the gods themselves. The only natural way a human can control the elements with no repercussions is if they bore a vision. Those who claim to be able to do so without one are either liars, or some form of a god themselves.
Kaveh has a secret. He’s been blessed with the power of Dendro for years, long before he was ever granted his vision. Kaveh’s emotions causes plants to grow and react to him. Little does he know that the source behind this power is more sinister than he could’ve ever imagined.
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In their Akademiya days, Kaveh and Alhaitham were but two sides of the same coin, parallel lines, mirrored constellations, even after their falling out. One rough night ends a lot different than expected.
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“No! No, no, no, just leave me here please.” All hope had drained from his voice, leaving him scratchy, ragged, and frantically hyperventilating.
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A Treatise on the Emotional Repression of Logicians (or, How to Quantify Affection Without Saying a Damn Thing) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
25 Aug 2025
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“I say,” Alhaitham begins, “that if A implies B, and A is true, then B must also be true.”
Kaveh blinks. “...What?”
Alhaitham, calmly: “Let A be: Kaveh is irrational. Let B be: I am still fond of him.”
Pause.
Longer pause.
Very long pause.
Kaveh blinks again, like trying to reboot. “You absolute ass. Was that supposed to be a confession?!”
“It’s a syllogism,” Alhaitham says, deadpan.
“IT’S A DISASTER,” Kaveh shrieks, nearly falling off the table. “Who flirts in syllogisms?! Who—who—expresses affection through deductive proofs?!”
“I’m not flirting,” Alhaitham lies.
Or, maybe love was never supposed to be quantified, but Alhaitham tried anyway—and Kaveh, infuriatingly, kept skewing the data.
Series
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“What’s he doing here?! I thought you said you got the Acting Grand Sage, not the Scribe!”
“Wh-Why are you yelling at me?! That is the Acting Grand Sage!”
Alhaitham finds himself kidnapped by the Fatui, and also finds an old friend of his that had long since gone missing from Sumeru...
8/4/25: Chapter 1 and 2 have been updated (I'll remove this when chapter 4 comes out or something)
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Woken up by the sun in the morning in a bed that isn't his.
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Or Kaveh and Alhaitham have drunk sex and now try to figure out how to make this work.
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“You have to look a little more into it, Kaveh,” Zakaria muttered. “I'm not puking on you right now because I'm imagining you're a hottie with giant bazongas. I'd rather blow my dad than touch you. No offense.”
Attempting a more sultry tone than usual, Kaveh exhaled a breath of laughter. “I'd rather blow your dad too. Mr. H can get it,” he whispered.
Zakaria barked out a laugh as he leaned closer and ran a hand through Kaveh's hair. “He's seething,” Zakaria whispered in his ear. “Seething. He looks like he's about to explode. It's working, dude... gods, he looks a little scary, actually. Hope he doesn't stab me. When he's drilling you later tonight after my master plan works out flawlessly make sure to remind him that I'd rather fuck a tree stump than touch you like this so I can still be best man at your wedding.”
Or; Kaveh’s childhood friend is sick of watching him and Alhaitham pine helplessly after one another, so he devises a plan to make Alhaitham jealous. Kaveh, under the impression that Alhaitham won’t notice - let alone care - is pleasantly surprised by the result as an entirely new side of Alhaitham is revealed to him.
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hating alhaitham hurts a little less than admitting that he’s pining for him.
afterall, hatred is easier than a word as vague as love.
Series
- Part 4 of renny’s haikaveh fics ♡
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"You're a hard man to track down!" laughs the most dangerous man on the southern half of the continent. "I've been trying to set up a meeting with you since I arrived, but all of my missives have gone unanswered."
"My apologies, Lord Tartaglia. It's been a tumultuous time, I'm sure you understand," Alhaitham says rather than admit he's been doing a poor job on purpose and that for the first time, it's backfired.
"Please," says the Harbinger, eyes crinkling in the corners as his smile widens; a bit too wide, a few too many teeth, to be entirely benign. "Call me Childe."
After the exhausting events following the overthrowing of Sumeru's government, Alhaitham's one desire is to finally be left alone in peace to his simple, mundane life. Unfortunately, this is about the time when Childe comes to town.
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Marry Me, Financially by kittykatara for Amayax, goldnation
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
15 Jul 2025
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With a heavy sigh, Kaveh buried his face in his pillow. All of his romantic ideals, as usual, were quashed by the one man he actually yearned for such affections from - a marriage for the sake of fucking tax deductions.
Though it made sense in a cold, rational way, such a logical and disinterested proposal for Kaveh to willingly sacrifice his heart for nothing more than mora cut deep into his chest. And worst of all... Alhaitham was unaware that Kaveh’s heart could never even belong to anyone but him - that he was already the sole benefactor of Kaveh’s silent longing, having stolen Kaveh’s heart against his will long ago.
Kaveh curled around his pillow as if the soft cotton of his pillowcase could offer a reprieve from the turmoil churning deep in his stomach. He’d long since made peace with his unrequited love for Alhaitham, resigning himself to a lifetime of suppressed yearning - but this? This was torture, plain and simple, demanding mental gymnastics that Kaveh wasn’t confident he was flexible enough to contort himself into.
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You have Bewitched me, Body and Soul… by TheRandomOne
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
28 Jun 2025
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Al Haitham knows that he’s in love with Kaveh.
Kaveh knows that he’s in love with Al Haitham.
Now, if only their definitions of love were the same…
i.e. the Pride and Prejudice fic set Post-Archon-Quest in Sumeru my brain concocted instead of studying for my exams.
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put me down in facts and figures by Salmonellagogo for Ae_rynn
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
31 May 2025
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The man was silent, stiff like he had never been with Kaveh. Not anymore since a long while ago. The full height of him in their kitchen was outlandish to say the least, the way he regarded their home stoically, arms crossed over the front of his body.
“I didn't quite catch your name,” he said in a quiet baritone.
His words caught Kaveh off guard. He swallowed hard. “I’m Kaveh. Your roommate.”Alternatively, Alhaitham losing his memory becomes the driving force that finally pushes their relationship forward.
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5 times Kaveh bandaged Alhaitham's wounds, and 1 time Alhaitham bandaged Kaveh's by Moth_Eclipse for alcazary
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
31 May 2025
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From an early age, Alhaitham's grandmother had taught him how to properly treat his own injuries. In general, she always encouraged Alhaitham to be independent, so it came about quite naturally that Alhaitham would simply attend to himself whenever he got hurt.
Alhaitham could easily take care of himself, so why was Kaveh bothering? The situation was so bizarre that it didn't even occur to Alhaitham to resist. He only silently watched his senior work, fascinated.
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As cautious as he is, there are circumstances that even Alhaitham hadn't foreseen.
Alhaitham gets hurt, and Kaveh takes care of him (or tries to...)
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Putting the Physical in Physical Therapy by kittykatara
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
01 May 2025
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Kaveh is the head architect at a major firm, but when his wrists start cracking nonstop as he’s sketching out his designs in the office, his boss forces him to see a physical therapist. He reluctantly sets up an appointment with a doctor at a small clinic who, much to Kaveh’s chagrin, ends up being far more than he bargained for in every way possible.
“No designs, no sketching,” Alhaitham muttered exasperatedly. “Is my instruction that difficult to follow?”
Kaveh shot him a petulant glare. “Sorry, doctor - let me just call up the kids I'm building the orphanage for and tell them to get fucked because I'm too concerned about my limp ass wrists.”
Instead of getting annoyed at Kaveh's snappy tone, Alhaitham responded in equal measure, matching his snark with aggravating ease. “Sounds reasonable to me.”
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Come (to Life) For Me by kittykatara for Corykitty3
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
12 Apr 2025
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Kaveh gets hit by a ley line disorder with an odd cure; it requires not only intimacy, but satisfactory intimacy. Unfortunately for Kaveh, that's not easy to come by.
Alhaitham blinked, clenching his fist tightly beneath the table to keep the tension from bleeding into his expression. “So what's the problem?”
A few moments of silence passed. “Nobody's ever been able to satisfy me,” Kaveh finally whispered.
“So what’s the problem?” Alhaitham asked again.
“Don’t trivialize it,” Kaveh snapped, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face. “It's probably psychological, but I can't unpack all my fucking trauma and trust issues in a day - which is all the time I have before the symptoms get out of control.”
“You mean... you've never -” Alhaitham started, planning on finishing his question with ‘been intimate with anyone?’ - but Kaveh cut him off and threw his hands up in the air.
“No, nobody’s ever fucking made me come, Alhaitham. Is that clear enough for you?”
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Alhaitham tries a new drink at the tavern one night during their weekly game night with Cyno and Tighnari and unwittingly drinks far more than his usual limit of two glasses of wine. Kaveh, never having seen Alhaitham drunk before, is not only shocked by how affectionate he is, but the fact that he only seems to be that way with Kaveh.
“Where are you going? Stay.” Alhaitham knew he was whining, but in his intoxicated state, he really didn't care.
To his relief, Kaveh wasn’t irritated, smiling softly down at him. “I just have to pee, Haitham. I'll be right back,” he said gently. Gods, what right did Kaveh have being this beautiful?
Alhaitham mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, but reluctantly let go, watching Kaveh weave through the tables. His gaze lingered until the bathroom door swung shut behind Kaveh, slumping down in his seat and sighing.
“Damn, drunk Alhaitham's even further gone for Kaveh than sober Alhaitham. Didn't even think that was possible,” Tighnari mused, raising an eyebrow at him knowingly.
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Alhaitham wakes up from anesthesia disoriented, amnesia-ridden, and unable to make much sense of the world. He may not be able to remember the beautiful man at his bedside by name, but he has no doubt that he's the love of his life.
The look in Alhaitham’s eyes was entirely unlike the cool, aloof mask he normally wore, usually impenetrable as a brick wall. “Um - you're... stupid when you come out from anesthesia, I guess, good to kno-”
“Pretty...” Alhaitham interrupted, his eyes soft with adoration as he stared up at Kaveh. “So, so pretty.” Alhaitham repeated, voice tender and reverential. “Are we married?”
“Are we what? O-of course not,” Kaveh spluttered, far too flustered by Alhaitham’s uncharacteristic sweetness.
Absolute devastation flashed across Alhatham’s chiseled, handsome features, his lips curling downward - he was pouting.
“Why not? Have I... not proposed yet? Damn. Why don't you let me kiss you, show you why you should marry me. C'mere,” he mumbled groggily, tugging on Kaveh's hand with surprising strength for someone who’d just awoken from surgery.
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Kaveh and Alhaitham get assigned to investigate and handle a series of cursed objects around Sumeru. Along the way, they learn that curses aren’t always what they appear to be. Something thought to be cursed may sometimes turn out to have simply been misunderstood all along.
And sometimes... misunderstandings can lead to something truly wondrous. Like getting a new houseplant.
Hello, Kaveh projected to the plant through the gentle wave of energy. Can you understand me?
The vines rustled faintly on the floor. Kaveh was about to stand and give up when a low, rumbling, earthen yet child-like voice responded - like a whisper carried on a long-forgotten breeze. Yes.
He kept the infusion flowing toward the plant just in case it got aggressive, speaking aloud this time. “We're here because we heard you've been attacking people. Is that true?”
The plant shifted a little in the pot. “Attack? No. Just want... want give hugs.”
“Hugs,” Alhaitham echoed, crossing his arms over his chest skeptically. As Kaveh opened his mouth, Alhaitham raised his eyebrows in alarm and shook his head warningly - but Kaveh had already made up his mind.