Chapter Text
Dean has an obsession. It’s borderline crazy sometimes, as obsessions tend to get. Sometimes he spends hours behind it, frantically investigating.
Dean stalks Chuck Shurley.
Strange isn’t it? He has so many other – better – things to do with his time. But ever since Chuck and Amara left (and to be honest, ever since he saw himself full frontal in those books) he’s been ‘keeping an eye out’ frantically and obsessively of course, for any new information. Chuck has published a few books online before taking off and he’d devoured them in a few days. Sure, the books barely revealed anything invasive emotionally but he still didn’t want the whole fan-base to be reading about the size and grit of his dick.
So it’s shocking when he sees a new one appear. Because he’d signed up for all the alerts and pre-alerts.
‘How To Take Care Of Your Guardian Angel’
The blurb tells him that ‘Castiel’ has gained a large following so he decided to write a book specifically about the angel. Supposedly it contains information about all the angels, but some special side notes about Castiel also.
He shouldn’t… Dean clicks purchase.
Nothing to feel bad or guilty about; he’s just covering his bases. New information. Completely not spying or infringing Cass’ privacy.
Okay, well maybe he is – will be.
But damn it!
The poor guy had said yes to Lucifer. The Devil. If that wasn’t a sign that something is wrong he doesn’t know what is.
Dean has loads of free time now anyway. With the whole The Darkness vs The Light crisis averted, his mom back, Sammy rescued from British psycho-bitch and Cass hanging around the bunker with them… well, there’s never been a more perfect time to try out some of the stuff in that book.
…
He wants to deny that he waits near his laptop like a complete fangirl for the notification that his package has arrived. There’s really no other way to describe it though.
When he’s away from the laptop, he does some family bonding.
Movie night, games, cooking. The works.
Some shocking things had been revealed, especially in regard to his mother’s cooking. For shame. Sammy’s hair is longer than ever, dudes probably aiming for Rapunzel length hair, and Dean has to curb the urge to sneak into his room at night and get to work. He could blame it on mom. Dean’s pretty sure Sam’s hair is longer than hers now, he could say she’s jealous. Or Cass, have him say he got bored at night. Dean grins, imagining the angel explain that to Sam in his matter of fact tone.
“You’re sure they’re not…?” Mary’s voice is uncertain.
Sam chuckles and Dean can practically hear the hair flip, “C’mon mom. I’m positive nothing’s going on there.”
“It’s just that… what I saw – Sam it didn’t look like just another friendly encounter.”
What she’d seen? “Hey!” he calls in greeting, “What’s going on where?”
Mom opens her mouth eagerly but Sam holds his hand up, “She found your Dr Sexy tapes in your room.”
“Oh.” Dean says in realisation, “Trust me, it’s better when you see it spoiler free.” But in his mind he’s trying to remember if he left any of his porn out. It’d been a few days. Mom finding his stash is probably the last thing she needs to help her adjust to this whole having two grown ass sons jam.
She nods, still a bit uncertain. “Can I help with dinner tonight?” she asks.
He wants to say no. But her hopeful expression stills his tongue. “You’re prohibited from anything to do with fire though.”
“That’s probably for the best.” She mutters, “I don’t feel like burnt food tonight.”
“Sammy.” He calls over, already moving to set out the ingredients, “Check with Cass, see if he wants dinner.”
Wordlessly Sam nods and exits.
“Castiel told me that angels don’t need to eat.”
Dean shrugs, “Yea, that’s true. Sometimes he likes the molecules though.”
“Oh.”
…
After overstaying her welcome in the kitchen, Mary walks through the bunker halls. She’d spent almost a day trying not to get so turned around. She spots Dean’s door and walks past it to Castiel’s room, just a few doors down.
She knocks twice firmly. Nothing happens so she presses an ear to the door. Hmm, still quiet. The door opens abruptly, causing her to jump back in fear.
The angel frowns at her, cocking his head. “Sorry.” She mutters. “I couldn’t tell if you were actually in there.”
He gives her a tight lipped smile, “Dean often tells me that he should ‘put a bell on me.’”
She almost bursts into laughter as she imagines stoic Castiel wearing a cow bell. “Dinner’s ready.” She says instead. Mary still isn’t as comfortable around Castiel as her sons. She suspects that it has something to do with the many years they’d already spent together. Angels were watching over her boys… well, at least, one seemingly loyal one.
“Dean says you like to taste the molecules.” She comments, breaking the silence during their walk.
The angel shifts, “It’s… honestly, don’t tell Dean, but it isn’t the molecules. Food tastes horrid.” Yea, she isn’t telling that to Dean, especially since he’s under the impression that the angel actually likes them. “Dean makes me eat restaurant food sometimes.” Yea, she can’t imagine anyone making an angel do anything, “It’s not the same.” Castiel takes a breath, “Dean’s cooking though. He cooks for people he cares about. It’s not quite the molecules…”
“What is it then?” she asks, genuinely interested.
He stops walking, as though trying to figure it out himself, “It’s like the saying ‘made with love.’ I can taste how much care Dean takes to make the food. It’s nice, especially since he isn’t very emotional otherwise.”
“That isn’t what I saw.” The words come out unbidden.
Castiel’s heavenly glare tells her she should have dropped it, like Sam asked. But she’d been so sure.
“What did you see?” his voice is low, dangerous.
“How Dean reacted when he saw me hold a gun to you.”
He sighs, “Dean knows that a gun won’t hurt me.”
“The way you looked at him.”
He huffs, “I thought he’d just died in an atomic explosion of pure soul energy Mary.”
True, true. But she’d read the books… even a few fanfictions. She’s playing catch up in her boys’ life after all. So what if she needs a bit of a cheat sheet? Mary saw Castiel, over and over give everything up for her sons – Dean. She’s read about him offering to follow him to their collective deaths without a moments thought.
If that wasn’t true companionship she doesn’t know what could be.
“Sam can deny it all he wants, and I might not have known you for a long time.” she shouldn’t continue, especially given his expression darkens by the second, “Don’t tell me otherwise Castiel; I know what love is.”
“You,” he spits the word like poison, “You know nothing. Nothing! Don’t bother Dean with such pointless musings.”
Mary looks at him. She really looks. Past the anger… is fear. The angel is terrified by love.
…
Castiel’s breath trembles as he marches away from Mary Winchester. His head whorls with what this could mean. He’s managed to go years without drawing attention from Sam and Dean. Every being they’d ever met - friend or enemy – had poked fun at Castiel’s affections. But the Winchesters, they were too adverse to the idea of being loved by someone so new in their lives… they’d never believed a word. They’d never noticed. And he was thankful for their oversight.
It allowed him to maintain his position – though precarious – as Dean’s friend and confidant.
If Dean found out things would never right between them. He’d see Castiel as he’d seen every woman who sought his attention. He’d push him away, even more than usual. Dean would never share his true thoughts on anything… not if he knew.
Castiel won’t survive being told to leave again. Things had just began to feel normal. Dean had given him a room. Carved a place out for him inside the bunker, Dean’s home. Dean would be betrayed to know about his feelings… disgusted even, after all he had destroyed in the brother’s lives. He couldn’t live with Dean’s revulsion for him seared into his grace.
Castiel sits at the table, eyeing Mary, the ticking time bomb. She looks back.
Castiel cannot read her expression. Not one bit.
So he prays. Prays to his father… to Chuck… please don’t let them know.