Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Entry 1: Okay, Ellie. Just stay cool. Tonight you're going to take your skinny ass to this bon fire with all the other teens and act normal. No thoughts of infection, or hunters or any of this sad depressing shit that is life. Tonight, you're gonna show them who YOU are. You're gonna flirt with the poor soul that decides to flirt with you.. because you're funny damn it. You're an absolute RIOT. But, your main goal? Dina. Don't fuck up things with Dina. You have ONE Job, just don't fuck it up.

Ellie had her headphones on and was scrawling away in the new journal she discovered in a old book store while she was on patrol. She had finally gotten the green light to start patrolling and was relieved that she didn't have to do food or sheep duties anymore. She didn't much care for the smell of sheep shit, nor did she like to entertain the picky eaters of Jackson and receive and ear full of how they wanted something different to eat. She personally felt those people were ungrateful bastards that should be forced to consume their least favorite things every meal time. But, Maria being Maria, always found a way to calm them down and keep them moving. The woman was a SAINT and Ellie admired the hell out of her.

Ellie paused for a long moment when her eyes fell upon Dina's name in her entry. The thought of Dina made her stomach flip, and she swore she would burst into actual hell fire if Dina touched her for too long. But, Dina did that. She said her love language was touch and Jesus, did she hold onto Ellie all the time. Ellie tried her best to not read too much into it. Dina was that way with everyone, and everyone loved her. But, there were times when Ellie would look up and Dina would be there. Staring at her with kind, watchful eyes. Her eyes would roam up and down Ellie, and that smirk. That god damn smirk she would give to Ellie, said a million words, but the only important ones that Ellie wanted were the words that explicitly said "I want you." Dina didn't hide it either. Much like a chess match though, Dina was making all the right moves and Ellie was taking the bait.

As Ellie continued on with her journal entry, bopping her head to a classic 80's tape she found, Dina stood just inside Ellie's doorway. She had knocked a hundred times and because Ellie is Ellie knew the door wouldn't be locked. The young girl slithered inside quietly and watched Ellie with a sly smirk on her face. Dina couldn't help but like Ellie. She was raw, sweet, artistic and dorky. She could forgive the torturous dad jokes and puns as long as Ellie laughed at her own jokes. Dina adored Ellie's laugh. Ellies face lit up like a kids on Christmas morning when she laughed. It was her eyes though. Dina saw a million different stories in Ellie's eyes, and she wanted to be privy to every single detail of them. She found herself wanting to be Ellie's greatest story. She wanted to be a safe place for Ellie, to hide away from her demons and nightmares.

Dina slowly approached Ellie and without even hesitating, she jabbed Ellie in both her sides. Ellie shot up 10 feet into the air and turned around swinging. Luckily Dina knows how easily she spooks and was already side stepping the punches.

"What the fuck Dina! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

"Oh, hush! You should be used to this by now, I do it every week. And if you learned to lock that door, you wouldn't be a sitting duck"

Ellie scoffed at Dina and rolled her eyes. Her heart was still trying to rip from her throat, and now she was nervous because she always got nervous when Dina was around. She realized that she had started to draw Dina under her journal entry and quickly slammed it closed. The reaction caused Dina to eye ball her with curious eyes.

"What you got going on in there? Dirty secrets? Porn drawings? A hit list?"

Ellie laughed at Dinas curious tone and very animated face.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Top secret."

"Oh? Tell me then. How would you kill me?"

Dina steped closer to Ellie so she was fully facing her, and her eyes had a mischievous glint to them. Ellie's mouth went dry and words became absolutely impossible to form.

"I would tell you puns. Until it killed you."

Dina laughed and shoved Ellie. Of course she would. Leave it to Ellie to say she'd kill someone with puns.

"Come on you dork. Are you ready yet? Everyone is going to beat us to the bonfire."

"Oh shit! What time is it?"

"It's 7 past your ass should have been ready to go! I'm giving you five minutes, and then I'm leaving your ass here."

"Pfft. I can be ready in 2."

Dina chuckled because she knew that was a total lie. Ellie couldn't go anywhere without packing like she was leaving for a year. As she watched Ellie search for her missing converse frantically, she found that she couldn't take her eyes off her. She knew Ellie was always over prepared due to what she has been through. Thinking about what that may imply, tugged at Dina's heart. She would catch glimpses of Ellie with deep, sad eyes. As though she was contemplating the idea of trying to save the whole world, as though she had failed at her main mission in life. Dina never pushed with Ellie. She wanted Ellie to come to her in time, and she was praying that the time was soon, because Ellie drove her wild in ways that she couldn't fully understand. Dina was brought back to the present by Ellie waving her hands in her face frantically.

"Dina! EARTH TO DINA!! Should I take my guitar?"

"Huh? Oh, uh- depends. Are you going to sing for me finally?"

There it was. That longing. That not so secret want that Dina displayed often. She looked into Ellie's green eyes and stepped forward slowly. The invisible pull between them felt electric and Ellie felt her body responding to Dina's gaze.

"Well, what's in it for me?"

"My pure, unyielding pleasure of getting to witness you sing and play the guitar..."

Dina's voice dropped a full register and she was inches from Ellie's face. Ellie's heart was thundering in her chest, and she could feel the heat coming off of Dina's body. With every breath she took in, she was taking in Dina's sweet lavender scent. She felt drunk off Dina's gaze.

"Alright. I'll bring it. But I make no promises."

Dina held Ellie's gaze for a moment longer then broke their connection by sighing and turning away quickly.

"I suppose that's better than nothing. Come on let's go before Jesse sends a search party out for us."

There was a hint of disappointment in Dina's voice and Ellie wanted to punch herself. Every time Dina opened that door for them, Ellie's awkwardness always shut it violently in Dina's face. Ellie didn't mean to. Dina was different than Cat. Cat was blunt and straightforward. She announced that she liked girls and just moved on. But Dina, she was constantly on and off with Jesse and everyone wanted Dina's attention. How was Ellie's supposed to know if that open door was real or not? She was afraid to take that final step. She couldn't handle another let down right now. Ellie grabbed her guitar and followed Dina out of her room.

Dina and Ellie walked to the bonfire in silence. Mostly because they were not allowed to be out this late, but partly because they were both confused on what to do with their feelings for each other. Dina stopped suddenly and turned to face Ellie. Ellie was taken aback and almost crashed into Dina's face with hers.

"Ellie, are we ok?"

"I think so? I mean, why? Do you think we are not?"

Dina paused for a moment and sighed quietly.

"I just don't want you to think that I don't li-"

"Ellie! Dina! It's about time you showed up! Come on! We have the fire going already!"

Out of no where Jesse was there, hollering at them to hurry up. Dina felt her face twist into annoyance and anger. Jesse was always doing that. Just busting into places he didn't belong. For being as good at patrolling as he was, he couldn't read a room for shit. Dina knew this was because he had a golden retriever heart, but that didn't mean it wasn't annoying.

Before Dina could finish her sentence, Ellie had already started walking towards the group. She already wished this night was over and wanted to redo her and Dina alone in her room. Ellie had tried lying to herself a million different ways to understand why she was struggling so much with life. But those lies were never loud enough to drown out the truths she was running from. No one was Riley, and she missed Riley more than she could ever explain. The weight of Riley and Tess and Sam's death sat so heavy on her soul that she felt worthless and unworthy of a happiness she craved. But even more than all of that, the one person she trusted the most, may have lied to her, and she simply didn't know how to live with any of that. When she felt her walls coming down, she managed to find a way to build them up twice as high and seal it off with cement. She couldn't handle any more heart break to settle into her already shattered heart. Or maybe, she was scared of how good she felt when Dina was around. Because that meant she once again had someone worth losing.

"Ellie! What took you so long! I was starting to think you backed out again."

Cat was on Ellie the instant she saw her. Dina felt flames ascend from her stomach and flare straight into her mind. She couldn't explain what it was about Cat that she hated, but she knew she wasn't right for Ellie. Dina stalked passed both of them and went to where Jesse and some of the other teens were. She spotted some alcohol and that became her first priority. If she was going to get through the night watching Cat be on Ellie, she couldn't be sober.

"Hey Cat. Sorry. I lost track of time."

"It's cool. I'm just glad you're here. I have not seen you around lately. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have been avoiding me."

Ellie felt her throat close up and she felt anxiety start to flood her chest. Things had been awkward since they had decided to not date, but they had stayed friends with benefits, and Ellie was starting to think the benefits were no longer worth this lost feeling she had caving in her chest.

"No, I've just been busy. You know, getting used to patrol, and working on learning guitar and drawing and... Stuff."

Ellie was gazing at Dina now. She was watching her laugh with Jesse as she placed her hand on his bicep. She moved closer into him and he placed his arm around her. Cat followed Ellie's eyes and took note of what she was gawking at. She glared at Dina and her tone became colder.

"And STUFF, huh? Okay. Well, I am sure stuff doesn't miss you as much as I do."

"You miss me?"

Ellie felt her face twitch in surprise. She figured Cat just wanted sex. At least, that's what Cat had mentioned when they broke up. That they could still have fun and be civil.

"Well, yeah. I also need to finish touching up your tattoo. Was Joel pretty unhinged about it?"

"He was quiet at first, but said it was neat."

Ellie felt an anger creep into her stomach at the mention of Joel's name. She didn't give a shit what he thought about it. After all it was her body and she was tired of keeping everything a secret. She stayed quiet to "keep the peace" as Tommy would say. But nothing about any of it made her feel peace. All she felt was anger and an emptiness that consumed her daily.

"That's very progressive of him. I figured he would have laid an egg about it. I see you brought your guitar, are you gonna play for me?"

Dina whipped her head around when she heard those words ooze from Cat's mouth. Dina glared at Cat and then her eyes went to Ellie's. They looked misty and she gave her a stern look.

"No, I.. um .. I brought it so I could play for Dina."

Ellie gestured to Dina and Dina's face lit up. She smiled wide at Ellie and in that moment, it tooke everything in Dina to not charge to Ellie and kiss her right then and there. Ellie felt that pull. She stopped hearing what Cat was saying, she forgot there was anyone else there. She felt her body ticking like a bomb. She wanted to walk up to Dina and kiss the hell out of her.

"Does Dina even like music like that?"

Cats voice was shrill and she was now looking at Dina saunter towards them with a slick smile on her face. The look on Dina's face made Ellie chuckle and she couldn't pull her eyes off her.

"As a matter of fact Cat, I happen to LOVE music. But, I'd love it even more if Ellie played for me."

Dina side eyed Cat as Cat rolled her eyes at her. Dina stepped to Ellie and tucked a strand of lose hair behind her ear and winked at her. She took Ellie's hand in her own and pulled her closer to the bonfire.

"Everyone! Shut up! Ellie is going to play us a song on her guitar."

Ellie suddenly felt panic quake in her bones. She had never played for anyone except Joel and herself. She didn't even think she could SING let alone play and sing. But it was too late. Everyone was cheering and hollering. It was too late to be a Chicken shit.

Ellie sat and Dina sat as close as she could to Ellie. Her eyes were bright and the reflection of the flames dancing in her eyes was memorizing. Ellie tuned the guitar and thought about what she wanted to play. She had been practicing one of the 80's songs she really liked, but it didn't feel ready yet. So Ellie picked the song Joel first sang to her.

She started to pluck at the strings, and there was a light breeze blowing. The bonfire crackled and embers twirled in the breeze as Ellie started to sing.

"If I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself..."

Ellie could play this song in her sleep. She practiced it day and night and despite it being an older song, she loved the lyrics. As Ellie made her way through the song, she could feel Dina's eyes on her. She looked up and she had never seen Dina so happy.

Dina was struggling to breathe. Ellie's voice was beautiful and calming. Ellie had a peacefulness to her that Dina had never seen on her. She looked free. As the flames from the fire danced to the notes that came from the guitar, a single thought made it's way to the back of Dina's mind and burrowed straight into her heart. She loved Ellie. Damn it, she loved Ellie and she wanted everyone to disappear in this moment so she could show her how much.

When Ellie finished the song, everyone clapped and cheered. They gave Ellie praise, and Ellie shyed away from it. She didn't know how to take a compliment, let alone be told she was amazing at something.
Jesse came up to her and pat her back in a hearty manner.

"Wow, Ellie! That was really something. Really. I didn't expect that at all. How long did it take you to learn that?"

"Thanks Jesse. Uhh.. a couple months I guess? I don't think I can really sing that well, but I'm glad you liked it."

"Ellie, I sound like a dying clicker when I sing. Your voice is pure gold. Trust me on this. People are going to be flocking to you like groupies."

"Oh yeah? How do you know what groupies are?"

"Hey, I read! I read lots of things."

Ellie laughed and rolled her eyes at Jesse. She didn't take him for the groupie knowing type, but she guessed everyone had to be full of mystery and surprise.

"Damn Ellie, that was... That was hot. Why didn't you tell me you can sing?"

Cat was directly in Ellie's face and Ellie felt her face growing warm, and it wasn't from the fire.

"Thanks. Umm.. I can't really sing, I mean I like to, but this was the first time I've sang in front of people."

"Yet another layer to you that I want to peel away."

Before Ellie had time to respond, Dina was pouncing onto Ellie's arm and shuffling her away into the darkness of the woods away from everyone else.

"Sorry, I need to steal Ellie!"

Cat stood watching after them, with her arms crossed and she huffed into the night with a volcanic type of anger.

"OW! Easy killer! Why are you grabbing me so hard?!"

"Ellie! Why didn't you tell me you could fucking sing?! That was incredible!"

"I... I mean I really don't think I can. You're just being nice."

"Ellie, you know I am not fake like that. If I like you, I like you and if I don't I don't. Same goes for judgement on people's talents or lack there of. I'm being serious. You... You blew me away just now."

Ellie blushed and Dina's eyes were gentle and sincere. Dina had closed the space between them and once again, Ellie found her nerves to be getting the best of her.

"I am glad you liked it Dina. Maybe I can play just for you sometime soon?"

"I'd like that. So much."

Ellie felt herself leaning in. Her heart was racing and she felt like she had swallowed lava. But she was not going to mess this moment up.

Dina paused and looked at Ellie's lips. She knew she just had to take one final step, and their lips would meet. But she heard Jesse laugh in the distance and felt her mind start to backlog with what if"s. She then stepped back.

"Ellie, I wanted to tell you earlier that I like you. I like you and even though I know that, I don't know what to do with it. I want THIS, but I think I need to figure out some stuff first. Is that okay?"

ellie stepped back and felt slightly embarrassed.

"Shit, I am sorry Dina. I didn't mean to read this wrong I always fuck things up. I try really hard not to and I always.."

"Ellie! Hey! It's ok. I'm not upset. I just told you I liked you, nerd. I just want to take whatever this is slow. For both of us."

Ellie took a deep breath and relaxed.

"well, it's your lucky day. I like you too Dina. I think slow is good for me."

Dina smiled warmly and gave Ellie a kiss on the cheek and then hugged her tight for several minutes. Ellie melted into her and let her heart feel the joy of this moment. She allowed herself to soak in the idea that Dina liked her too and she could move forward with that in time.

"Come on let's get back before Cat tells everyone we fucked in the woods."

"I mean, I'm ok with letting them think whatever."

"You know what? You're right. To hell with them."

Ellie chuckled and took Dina's hand in her own. During the short walk back to the bonfire, Ellie got a glimpse of what life would be like if Dina was hers, and she wanted it more than anything.

Chapter Text

The bonfire ended several hours later. Ellie realized she needed to work on her people skills because if she wasn't near Dina, she stayed quiet and reserved. She wasn't used to being around kids her age, let alone ones that WANTED to get to know her.

The quarantine zones had military schools, and Ellie bounced around to nearly all of them in the Boston QZ. She had a slight problem with authority, but even more than that, she had a huge issue with assholes. Most kids tried to pick fights. Ellie tried to not take it personally. She understood to a large degree that most kids stuck in military schools were not there by choice. They were all broken misfits just trying to make it day to day. Ellie found herself being angry that no one wanted to be close to anyone, and if you were lucky enough to find people, they either betrayed you eventually or died.

Dina walked Ellie home and it was the best Ellie had felt in a long time. They laughed, and flirted the entire time. When they finally reached Ellie's place, Dina took her time saying goodbye.

"I am really glad you came with me tonight, I had so much fun getting to see you come out of your shell a little."

Dina's voice was soft and Ellie felt bashful suddenly. The way Dina's eyes pierced into her soul shook Ellie in such a beautiful way. It made her feel alive.

"I'm glad you scared the shit out of me and forced me to go. I needed it more than I realized. I could have easily just stayed at my place with you all night and watched movies though. I like hanging out with you."

Dina chuckled and smiled big at Ellie. They both could feel themselves leaning in like an invisible string was tugging on them to move closer and closer together.

"Well, what can I say. I love hearing you shout."

"Oh? I bet you do."

"Trust me Ellie, you have no idea what I'm capable of."

Ellie bit her lip and smirked at Dina. Dina's eyes were full of playfulness and want.

"Well, I've seen you with a gun. Pretty sure you could kick my ass. Unless you're talking about activities that include hand to hand combat, then I think I'd come out victorious."

"I hate you so much right now."

"Good. Let the hate fuel you. Because I want everything you have to give me when you're ready."

They were inches away from each others faces. Both girls felt a molten heat growing in their cores. Dina adored their stupid back and fourth banter. She loved the way Ellie didn't cave for her right away.

Ellie felt her heart pounding in her chest. She could feel her desire starting to take over and she knew all it would take was one kiss. Just one. She wanted to pick Dina up and take her inside. But, she remembered what Dina had said earlier that night. So she stepped back slowly and broke their connection. Instead she decided to let Dina make the choice.

"Do you want to come in?"

Dina's eyes searched Ellie's face. She wanted to say yes with every fiber of her being, but she knew exactly what would happen if she did. If she was honest with herself she knew she wasn't ready for it, despite her body screaming otherwise.

"Ellie .. I- I wish I could. I have patrol in the morning and I am going to be dragging ass as it is. Maybe we could do a movie? Just you and I, tomorrow?"

"Yes, okay! That sounds great."

Dina leaned in and kissed Ellie on the cheek. She lingered by the girls ear and whispered softly

"Dream of me, okay?"

Ellie looked at her and blushed. She offered a small laugh and bit her lip again.

"I will try my best. Stay safe on patrol, ok? I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget to shower. Sometimes you stink."

Dina laughed and shoved Ellie playfully.

"Oh shut up. I have to remind you to shower!"

Ellie laughed and rolled her eyes at Dina.

"That was ONE TIME!"

"Oh Ellie, you have so much to learn, you sad, sad girl."

Dina hopped away and Ellie watched after her until she disappeared into the night.

After Ellie got ready for bed, she sat on her couch and strummed away at her guitar. She closed her eyes and let the notes fill her ears. She let the vibrations of the strings buzz through her finger tips and hug her like an old friend. When Ellie played, she felt connected to everything. There was a constant unrest in her heart, and as of late playing guitar was the only thing that soothed her when those feelings became crippling to her. She knew she had Joel to thank for it. For everything really. But she didn't fully understand what that even meant to her these days. Joel was supposed to be the realest thing for her. But now she found herself putting a distance between them because she didn't trust his promise.

Ellie put the guitar down and crawled into bed. She didn't need to be her own buzz kill by thinking about all her complex feelings towards Joel. Instead, she turned her lamp off and pictured Dina. She thought about how her laugh was the best song she's ever heard, and how her touch lit her on fire. Ellie thought about Dina until she drifted to sleep, praying to a god she didn't even believe in to dream of Dina.

.............................

When Ellie woke the next morning, she woke with a fire in her. She did in fact dream of Dina, and Ellie found herself craving Dina's touch so much she simply couldn't control herself.

Ellie's mind drifted back to her dream. They were at a beautiful old farm house, watching a movie in their living room together. It was an old movie that Joel loved, if Ellie remembered correctly it was called Terminator. It was atrociously cheesey, but that's why Ellie had grown fond of it.

Ellie's mind skiped to their kiss. Dina's eyes poured into Ellie's. The silence between them was filled with sheer desire. Dina leaned in and placed her lips on Ellie's. The kiss was tender and slow at first, but each time their mouths parted and clashed, the kiss became starved. Dina wrapped her arms around Ellie and let her tongue slowly slide across Ellie's lips, begging for invitation to enter. Ellie excitedly allowed Dina in, and let her hands slide down Dina's body. Dina was now straddling Ellie, her hips slightly bucking into Ellie as their kiss became even more intense. They bit and sucked at each other's lips, hands explored one another, and just as Ellie was getting to the hottest part of her dream, just as she was about to slide her hand beneath her sweatpants, there was a gentle knock at her door.

"Hey kiddo, it's me. I uh... I am gonna be out for Patrol for the long shift. Don't forget to eat dinner, and check in with Maria when you get back from your patrol."

Ellie cursed under her breath.

"Okay. Thanks. Uh, be safe."

Ellie heard him walking away and she hid underneath her blankets. Her skin was hot and flushed. She tried to calm her mind. She tried to think of the other parts of her dream, but she couldn't stop thinking of Dina's lips, or her body. The way she felt underneath Ellie's fingertips. She was the finest piece of art she had ever seen.

"Fuck it."

Ellie rolled out of bed and marched straight to her shower. She decided to take care of herself in there in hopes she wouldn't stroll into town for breakfast looking aroused and flushed.

......................................

As Ellie walked into town for breakfast, she found herself observing
The sleepy town of Jackson. She usually just kept her head down with her headphones blaring. She tried anything and everything to stay invisible most days. After everything that had happened before her and Joel got to Jackson, she just found it easier to act like she didn't exist. Today though, Ellie left her headphones at her place. She held her head up and simply just observed. She saw mother's and father's hurrying to get their little ones to school, she saw the dedicated workers getting ready for the day to serve the town like they always did. People were laughing and sighing in annoyance because their breakfast was the same thing again. Ellie couldn't believe how normal it all was. No war, or infected. Just people living their lives.

Ellie's mind flashed back to her first time in Jackson. When she realized Joel had come all that way with her just to dump her with Tommy, she felt devastated. Her sadness quickly dissolved and turned into anger. She wasn't going to be the one getting hurt. Not again. So, she ran. She was going to make Joel worry, and feel sick to his stomach. Because she felt bonded to him, and he clearly wanted nothing to do with her. When she found the diary of the young girl talking about which shirt goes with which skirt, Ellie couldn't process it. She couldn't understand that kind of world. She realized she now lived in a very tiny part of it. Because here she was, wanting the day to zoom by so she could rush home and pick out what to wear when she saw Dina. For a single second, Ellie felt lucky.

"Good morning Ellie!"

Ellie was snapped out of her thoughts by a cheerful, familiar voice.

"Morning, Maria."

"If you're looking for breakfast, I sent it with Tommy. He will meet you at the boarder tower for Duty."

"Tommy? I thought he was going to be with Joel for Joel's patrol?"

"He was supposed to, but Joel asked him to stay here and keep an eye on th-"

"I'm not a baby you know. Tommy doesn't have to watch after me. He should go with Joel."

"Whoa. Hold on. I was going to say watch over things because raiders have been sighted a lot the last couple of weeks and Joel wants him to be sniper ready."

"Oh... Ok. Fine I guess. Thanks."

Ellie went to keep moving but Maria politely blocked her path.

"Every thing okay Ellie? You seem tense."

Ellie's anger had boiled over quickly, and she wasn't really sure why. Could have been because the second her and Joel set foot into Jackson he had become overbearing and didn't let her do anything without being watched by someone.

"Yeah. I'm cool. Just don't want to be late."

"Alright, if you say so. Hey, make sure my husband doesn't do anything stupid today, ok?"

Ellie grinned a tiny bit and chuckled.

"I'll try my best."

Maria stepped aside and smiled back at her then went on her way.

When Ellie got to the tower Tommy was there waiting with breakfast and a thermal full of hot tea. It was starting to get chilly already, and mornings were usually the worst.

"Ellie! Good morning! Maria sent me with your breakfast. I kept it warm for you."

"Hey, Tommy. Thanks. I know. I saw her. She told me to make sure you don't do something stupid."

"Oh, she did huh? Must still be pissed at me from the other day. Well, come on, better eat something."

"Pissed at you? What did you do?"

"Eh, it's not a big deal. Sometimes we don't always see eye to eye on security. She will get over it though."

"Well, I'm just glad it's you and not me. I'd hate to make her mad at me."

"She's actually really hard to piss off. I am just really REALLY good at it."

Ellie and Tommy shared a laugh then Ellie dug into her breakfast. These days she really only ate a lot if someone was around. But she usually didn't have an appetite.

"Hey, you don't have to watch over me when Joel asks you to. I can handle things."

"What are you going on about? I like spending time with you Ellie."

"You know what I mean. I know he worries. But I'm fine."

"Oh, you're absolutely right. He does worry. But we all do. You're family to us Ellie. We check in on you because we want to."

"If you say so."

Ellie felt that anger again. She should be happy to hear Tommy say that. To hear anyone say to her that she is like family. Yet, it filled her with rage. Her purpose wasn't to be here. It was to be a cure to people like tommy and Maria. To the town of Jackson so they could keep living these simple lives.

Ellie kept to herself for the rest of her patrol.

................................

Ellie nearly sprinted from patrol. Tommy may or may not have been talking when she just shot down the ladder. She needed to rush home and get cleaned up before Dina got to her place.

Ellie had thought about Dina all day. She thought about her dream on and off and was surprised with how much Dina stayed in her thoughts. There was something about Dina that made Ellie feel safe and free to be who she was. Dina was a no bullshit kind of girl, while also having one of the biggest hearts Ellie had ever met. Dina was kind to the elderly, playful and nurturing to the kids, and a voice of reason amongst her peers. Dina love to be goofy, and Ellie couldn't get enough of that. Dina was also one of the few people that didn't push her to talk or be a certain way. Ellie hated keeping secrets and with Dina, she felt like she didn't have to.

Ellie decided on a baseball T-shirt with green sleeves and a soft zip up hoodie that was black. She wore her favorite pair of black jeans and green converse. Ellie remembered that Dina had mentioned green was one of her favorite colors, so this was her way of dressing to impress.

"Okay Ellie. Don't be a fuck up. Don't be creepy. Don't be stupid."

Ellie had a habit of doing small pep talks to herself these days. Most of the time they didn't work for shit, but she still tried her best. Ellie heard a small knock at the door followed by a holler.

"Ellie! It's me! Hurry I am freezing my ass off out here!"

Ellie ran to the door to see a drenched Dina standing in front of her.

"Dina! What the hell happened? What are you soaking wet?!"

"I am gonna get every single one of the little shits back. Some of the older kids thought he would be funny to sneak attack me with water balloons on my way here."

Ellie looked at Dina and couldn't help it. She started laughing. At first it was a tiny snigger, but the longer she looked at a soaked angry Dina the funnier it was.

"Oh HA HA. let me in you jerk."

"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it. You look cute as a wet, angry cat."

"Keep it up and I'm going to have them get your ass next. And I'll help them."

Ellie ran and grabbed a towel and wrapped Dina in it. Without realizing it, Dina was now in her arms, looking up at her with a sweet smile.

"My hero. What in the world would I ever do without you?"

"Well, for one, you'd probably freeze to death. But for two, you'd be super sad that no one makes you laugh the way I can."

A comfortable, longing silence filled the air between them.

"Damn right. Now what do you say to letting me into your clothes?"

Ellies reaction was so quick she almost choked to death on her own spit. She was now coughing so hard she swore she saw a lung come out.

"Oh shit, Ellie! Are you ok!?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Im ok, just, you know. Dying."

"Was it the clothes comment?"

"YuP. sure was."

"Good. Serves you right for laughing at me."

Ellie yanked the towel off Dina and snapped her with it.

"You're an asshole, you know that? I'm trying to help you and you almost killed me."

"It's not my fault you can't swallow your own spit. Besides, I do want in your clothes. Can I literally borrow something dry?"

Ellie's face went red. Mostly because her mind kept going to thinking about her dream and the ides of clothes coming off made her heart sprint a million miles a minute.

"Alright, I guess. But you're lucky I like you, otherwise I'd let you freeze."

Ellie got Dina some sweat pants and a long sleeve thermal shirt and a hoodie.

"Oh, I'll take just the hoodie and pants. I get hot really easily and I'll melt with both of them. I'll right back."

Dina grab the clothes before Ellie could respond and twirled away and winked at Ellie as she did so.

"Fuck."

Ellie felt her body grow warm at the thought of Dina wearing just a hoodie and sweat pants. HER hoodie and sweat pants. Ellie decided to distract herself by setting up her TV to put a movie on. Ellie could feel panic start to set in as she had no idea what movie would be appropriate for this hang out session. She wasn't trying to get Dina in bed but also wasn't trying to not flirt either. There wasn't a movie in the world that was a Happ medium of "let's power flirt until we nearly explode"

"Oh my god. That's so much better! I don't feel like a soggy half frozen sock anymore."

Ellie tried to look at Dina and was stopped in her tracks. Dina had her hair down and due to the water it had a slight curl to it. The way the light was hitting her, made her skin glow and she looked ethereal and unimaginably soft. Dina realized Ellie was gawking and gave her that sly smile once again.

"Ellie, are you ok? You're kinda gawking at me."

"What? No! No, you just look- uh.. very comfortable."

"And adorable as fuck, right?"

"Absolutely adorable as fuck. Can I draw you?"

There it was. The word vomit, the intrusive thoughts that had been dying to leak from Ellie's brain for months. Ellie had been dying to draw Dina. Dina had a classic beauty to her that Ellie had never before seen. Everything from her beauty marks and freckles to the darkness of her soft features made Ellie weak.

"Really? Right now? In sweat pants and with damp hair?"

"It's perfect. You're perfect. Please?"

Ellie gave Dina a pout that she could not refuse. Her green eyes sparkle and her bottom lip quivered. Dina could feel her heart melting at Ellie's face. She was flattered that Ellie had asked. Even more so, she was slightly enthralled with it as well.

"Alright, Picasso. Draw me."

Ellie rushed to her feet and grabbed her supplies. Dina chuckled at how excited and spastic Ellie became. She was babbling on and on about some artists she had discovered in an old library. While half listening, Dina realized that Ellie was by far the coolest person she had ever met. She was also the most attractive person she had ever met. Dina could bathe in those green eyes, and bask in Ellie's laughter. She constantly wanted to kiss every single freckle on Ellie's face.

"Okay, come sit here on the couch the light is perfect right there. Can look slightly to the side while looking down, with a small smile?"

"You want a side profile of me? How about the front instead? I hate my nose."

"What? What's wrong with your nose?"

"It's .. big and slightly hooked and crooked. It's.. a Jewish nose."

Ellie was silent. She studied Dina's face and for the first time ever, Dina looked embarrassed. Sad even.

"Who told you that? You're nose is perfect. You're beautiful Dina. So damn beautiful."

Dina whipped her head around and looked at Ellie. The young girls eyes were soft and piercing. Her face was just as soft and kind looking.

"I don't know. I got picked on a lot as a kid, and well history also told me my face is ugly because of my nose so I just have learned to ignore it."

Ellie set down her stuff and swiftly moved before Dina. She took her hands and brought them to Dina's face. She gently and slowly feathered her thumbs across Dina's cheeks. As she spoke she slowly traced Dina's face with her fingertips.

"Fuck those kids, and fuck history. You're a beautiful woman, Dina. Every single part of you is perfect. I mean that when I say it. Do you understand?"

Dina felt a single tear sneak from her eyes and she smiled at Ellie with a shy sheepish grin. She had never been told that when it wasn't the heat of a moment or someone wanted something from her. Sure Jesse had called her pretty and other guys too, but not like that. Not that gently.

"I do now. Thank you Ellie. Really."

Ellie placed a kiss on her forehead and then slowly walked back to her seat across the room.

"Now then. Let me show the whole fucking world what a piece of art you really are.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3:

The next morning Ellie stirred awake to find Dina nestled into her side. She could feel the rise and fall of Dina's chest against her and she stayed as still as possible to soak in this moment.

Ellie looked around and noted her TV was still on. She quickly realized they must have fallen asleep while watching movies together. Dina stirred slightly and mumbled incoherent words as she wrapped her arm around Ellie's midsection. Ellie smiled at the slumbering girl and very gently put her arms around Dina. She laid there and allowed herself to memorize the way Dina fit perfect into her side. The warmth of Dina's skin felt soothing to Ellie as she pulled her in just a little bit closer. Ellie gently placed a small kiss into Dina's hair. The smell of roses and citrus filled Ellie's nostrils, and she wondered how Dina managed to smell so good all the time. It was more common to walk around smelling like a trash can, but not Dina. Dina could be dripping sweat and she would smell like a spring day in May.

Ellie had not realized how much she missed being touched. Her and Cat dated for a very short time, and they had fun, but it wasn't connected at all. The last time Ellie had felt comforted by someone's touch, was Riley.

Before Ellie had the chance to lose herself in her own mind, Dina was slowly starting to sit up and rub the sleep out of her eyes.

"Oh shit. Did I fall asleep on you? I'm so sorry Ellie."

"For what? I probably fell asleep before you. I had a great time. Plus you kept me warm."

"I told you, I am a human heater. You're really ok that I stayed?"

"Yes. Nothing happened Dina. It was basically a sleepover."

Dina paused for a moment longer and then smiled at Ellie in a sheepish manner.

"Sorry. I am not trying to be weird, I just want to make sure you're ok."

"Why would I not be? Are you ok?"

Dina got up and put some distance between her and Ellie. She looked guilty and confused.

"I- I am ok. It's just.. before I came over last night I talked to Jesse and we kind of decided to try and date again."

Ellie felt a pang of hesitation and anger rise up from her stomach and meet in her throat.

"Oh.. o-okay. Well.. this is awkward now. I thought.."

"I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't mean for-.. it kind of just happened."

"I don't know what I am supposed to say Dina. Congrats I guess."

Ellie's mind was spinning now. There had been several moments last night where the two girls got close to kissing. They held hands, they flirted shamelessly with one another.

"I didn't mean to upset you Ellie. Really. I do still li-"

"Don't. Don't say that. It's fine Dina. I get it. I have to get ready for my shift soon. I'll see you around."

Dina wanted to move closer to Ellie. She felt a sting hit her eyes and quickly held her breath. She could see the hurt in Ellie's eyes. Instead she grabbed her clothes and quietly turned to face Ellie before she left

"I'll get you your clothes back soon. Bye Ellie."

Ellie watched her leave. The second the door closed Ellie released the breath she was holding and tiny tears spilled from her eyes. She felt utterly stupid. Stupid for thinking she stood a chance with someone like Dina. For thinking that she could possibly be allowed to be that Happy. Ellie had lied to Dina. She didn't have any shift to get to. It was her day off. She fully intended on crawling back into bed and sleeping the day away.

Ellie was scared awake when she heard a loud knock on her door. She sat bolt up right and instantly grabbed her knife. That was a habit that wasn't going away any time soon.

"Kiddo, it's me. Are you alright? I have not seen you all day."

Ellie slowly moved to the door and opened it. She was now face to face with Joel and she suddenly felt an anger seep it's way into her skin.

"I am fine. Just catching up on sleep."

"Oh, alright. If you're sure there's nothing wrong.."

"I said I was fine Joel. You don't have to worry about what I am doing."

"Ellie... I worry. I know this hasn't been an easy adjustment for either of us but-"

"Joel. You just got back. You need sleep. Worry about yourself. I'll be fine, ok?"

Joel stepped back slightly and studied Ellie's face. He rubbed the back of his head anxiously, and sighed into the cold afternoon air. It didn't seem to matter what he said or did. Ellie was always angry with him. He put his hands out in defeat and offered her a small smile.

"Ok. I'll just get out of your hair then. Maybe we could do dinner? Catch up?"

"Maybe. I might have plans later. But I'll let you know."

Ellie waited for him to respond. All he did was nod his head and offer a small ok and headed towards his home. As she shut the door, she felt disappointed with herself. She didn't mean to do this to Joel. She couldn't explain it. Something just didn't feel right, and the more she lied to herself the angrier she got with him. She wanted to ask him again if what he said was true. As much as she wanted answers she knew that she simply couldn't handle it right now anyway. Ellie felt like her worst fear was starting to come to fruition. She felt devastatingly alone.

..........................

Several days passed and Ellie avoided Dina at all costs. She even took assignments around Jackson she hated to avoid having to go out on patrol with her. She built a routine of wake up, eat, work, go home, sleep. She knew she couldn't pretend if she saw Dina with Jesse. Not this time. When Ellie drew her, they had made a connection that was still with Ellie. The way they looked at each other, the way both of them felt drawn to want to get closer and closer until the barrier between them was obliterated. Ellie knew Dina felt what she did. At least, that's how it felt in the moment.

Ellie was at her desk drawing in the early evening. She had finished her day and wanted to be alone again. She often found solace in her journal. It was the only place her thoughts made any sense. It was the only place she felt safe to be honest. She heard a small knock on her door and waited. She tried to be quiet, so whoever was there would just leave.

"Ellie? It's me. Can I see you real quick?"

Ellie sat in silence.

"Come on, I know you're in there I can hear your shitty music playing."

Fuck. Ellie had forgotten to turn down the volume on her headphones. She drug her feet all the way to the door. When she opened it, Cat was standing there with a little smile on her face.

"There you are. I thought I was going to have to call in reinforcements to get you to open the door."

"What do you want Cat?"

"Yikes. Tough crowd I see. Nothing really, I just have not seen you much and when I do, you look miserable. Just wanted to see if you're ok."

Ellie studied her face for a moment then moved to the side to gesture for her to come in. Cat smiled wide at her and slinked her way past Ellie.

"I'm fine."

"You're REALLY convincing me that you are Ellie. Seriously.. what's going on? You can talk to me, okay?"

Ellie huffed and crossed her arms. She felt a blast of cold run through her and she was now aware of how bare she was.

"Yes. Really. I'm just tired. Don't feel like doing much."

"That sounds like depression, Ellie. It's not normal to sleep 18 hours a day. When is the last time you ate?"

"Okay, mom. I eat. Joel brings me dinner. Since when do you care?"

Ellie felt the bite in her words and Cats face showed it. The girl stepped back a few steps and slightly scowled at Ellie before seemingly calming herself down. This time when she spoke her tone wasn't as gentle.

"I always care Ellie. Glad to see you think I'm a cold hearted bitch. I just figured you were bummed about Jesse and Dina so I figured I'd see if you were ok."

"Shit. Cat. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-. I am fine. Really. I appreciate the visit."

Cat's face relaxed again and she took a step towards Ellie.

"I'll pretend to believe that for now. Plus, I think you can do better than Dina anyway."

Ellie felt a heat rise in her. She clenched her jaw tightly and held her breath.

"Cat, why are you really here?"

Cat got a devious smile on her face and Ellie watched her eyes switch. Ellie knew those eyes all too well.

"Well I figured the best thing to snap you out of this funk would be.. a session? For old times sake?"

Before Ellie could answer, Cat was pressing her lips to hers in a rough, starved way. Ellie's eyes stayed open and for a spilt second she considered letting herself fall into the kiss. Before she had time to pull away, Dina appeared in the doorway .

"Hey Ellie I was just coming to see if-"

Dina stopped dead in her tracks and watched Ellie rip away from Cat. Cat turned and glared at Dina before a slick smile appeared on her face.

"Dina! I.. uh-"

"There is a door Dina, you should try knocking sometime.."

Dina whipped her head to give Cat a death stare.

"The door was fucking open Cat. By the looks of it, looks like I came just in time because Ellie clearly didn't want whatever that was."

"She's a big girl. She can decide things for herself. Besides, you should get back to Jesse."

"Cat, can you leave please?"

Ellie's chest was ready to explode. She felt vile and exposed and the look on Dinas face was ripping Ellie apart.

"Ellie, seriously?"

"Yes! Fucking get out of my room!"

Cat looked at Ellie in a furious manner and stormed out of the room.

Ellie walked to her couch and sat down. She couldn't look at Dina. Part of her wished she would just leave too.

Dina closed the door and slowly approached Ellie and sat next to her.

"El? You okay?"

"I'm sorry Dina. I didn't want you to see that. I'm fine."

Dina noticed Ellie was shaking, and her voice was small and weak. She slowly moved to Ellie and with her eyes asked if it was ok to hug her. Ellie accepted. The embrace was brief, but it calmed Ellie down.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I really didn't. I was just bringing back your clothes and was going to see if you were going to the dance in a couple of weeks. I miss you."

Dina said it. She said what had been strangling her mind for days. She did miss Ellie. In fact, she felt lost without her. Ellie looked rough. Like she had not been eating or sleeping well at all. Dina had heard from many people that Ellie seemed very distant.

"It's ok. Really. I'm glad you're here. I miss you too."

For the first time in days Ellie actually gave a real smile. Dina felt her heart warm, and her cheeks flush. She couldn't get enough of Ellie's smile.

"I also just wanted to apologize again. About the other night. I really didn't mean to hurt you Ellie. That's the last thing I want. Are we ok? Do I need to stand in the middle of the town and let people throw tar and feathers on me?"

Ellie laughed at the idea. Dina laughed with her and she suddenly felt human again.

"Yeah. We are ok. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I just want you to be happy Dina. Really happy."

Without thinking Dina took Ellie's hand into her own and looked at her friend with puppy dog eyes.

"Know what would make me.. euphoric?"

"Busting one of Cats knee caps out with a wrench?"

"Okay... Know what ELSE would make me euphoric?"

Ellie laughed hard at that one. Dina didn't even hesitate.

"You're such a dick."

"Hush. You love it. Come on, GUESS."

"I dunno. Just tell me. What do you want Dina?"

Ellie gazed into her eyes and Dina felt herself drowning in those green pools. She didn't expect to get nervous, but Ellie asking what she wanted made her stomach flip and butterflies tickle her rib cage.

"Go to the dance? Please?"

Ellie released a groan and a huff. When she went to protest she got caught up in Dinas eyes and smile. She felt her legs get a little weak. She could feel her will start to crack.

"Okay! Fine. I'll go. But, I am not dancing."

"Oh, you say that now.. I am going to get you to dance Ellie Williams. If it's the last thing I do."

Ellie chuckled nervously and rolled her eyes. Hearing Dina say her full name instantly turned her on and she had no idea why.

"Okay. I have to get going, but I fully expect to see you at dinner. Don't make me come looking for you."

Ellie shook her head as Dina sauntered out the door, closing it gently behind her. She stayed seated on her couch and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. She thought about Cat briefly and anger ensued. The audacity she had. To say that about Dina and to just kiss her like that. Ellie was going to be sure to mention to Maria that she never wanted to be alone with Cat for patrol. EVER. Another chill rushed through Ellie and she suddenly didn't feel well. Her body was aching, and she was freezing. She grabbed her hoodie that Dina brought back and threw it on. When she climbed into bed she got a whiff of Dina's scent from the hoodie. Ellie's eyes closed in sheer happiness.

"Holy shit. This smells amazing."

Ellie crawled under all her blankets and drifted into a deep sleep, hoping Dina would be waiting for her in her dreams.

.................

Jesse was doing an overnight patrol with Tommy, so Dina figured she would have dinner with Ellie and make sure she was still doing ok. Seth had some stuff set aside for her at the tipsy bison. When she walked in, she saw Cat sitting with a couple other people laughing. Dina felt her blood boil. She couldn't explain why she never liked Cat. The more she thought about it the more things she found to hate about the girl. She was one of the only teenagers who still had her whole family intact. She was crude and dry when it came to others feelings. Her art work was pretentious, and Dina couldn't stand how entitled she acted with everything.

She quickly sped to the counter to grab her food from Seth to avoid any interaction with Cat, and right on cue, Cat was in front of Dina, blocking her way to leave.

"Two meals? Jesse isn't in town. Where are you going with that extra food?"

"Cat, I am not in the mood, get out of my way or I'll move you."

"Oh? I'd love that. Let me guess. You're going to pay Ellie a visit? Trust me, she's not worth the time."

"I don't know who you THINK you are Cat, but I promise you you're not as special as you think you are. If you were on fire, I wouldn't piss on the flames to put you out. I'm willing to bet everyone else would agree with me, they are just too chicken shit to say it to your face. Don't ever pull that shit again with Ellie. If I find out you disrespect her again in any way, or make her uncomfortable, I will throw you to a pack of clickers and laugh as they rip you apart."

Cat stared with wide eyes at Dina. She swallowed hard and stepped back to allow Dina to leave. Cats friends were watching in awe and shock. Dina had never been that protective over someone that was not her family. Not even Jesse. She would be damned if Cat was going to worm her way back into Ellie's life. Dina knew she was going to hear from Maria for that one, but she didn't care. No one was going to fuck with Ellie. Not while she was around.

When Ellie heard the knock on her door, she tried to move but couldn't. She was riddled with horrendous aches and her throat felt raw.

"Come in! The door is open."

Ellie shouting caused her to cough violently.

"Holy shit, Ellie are you ok? You look awful."

Dina placed the food on Ellie's coffee table and went to her. She placed a hand on her head.

"Oh my god, Ellie you're burning up! How long have you been sick for?"

"I have no idea. Kind of just hit me a couple hours ago?"

"You poor thing. Stay in bed. I am going to go get medicine and let Joel know you're sick. Then I'm going to grab you soup, ok? I'll be back in half an hour."

"You promise you will come back?"

"I swear. I'll be back and I'll stay with you, ok? I'll just put some movies on and you can sleep."

"You're the b-best."

Dina sped out of Ellie's room and went to gather supplies. Joel wasn't home when she knocked so she just left a note on his door. She figured he would want to know. He worries like crazy about Ellie. Dina finds it rather adorable, Ellie could not seem to stand it. When Dina returned Ellie was fast asleep. She turned a movie on low and sat next to Ellie while she slept. There was not any other place Dina would rather be. In fact she was certain that as long as Ellie was there, she would follow close behind.

Chapter Text

"Riley? I'm nervous."

Ellie was trying to catch her breath from yet another kiss Riley and her had shared.

"It's ok. I am too. Ellie, we don't have to do anything. We can just sit and read the pun book. I just want to soak in every second I can with you."

Ellie felt her heart rate start to slow. Her cheeks were starting to cool down. This has turned out to be the worst, best night of her life. She was in front of a girl she had fallen in love with. This girl had given her the best date she could have hoped for. Yet, with each kiss, she couldn't deny the stinging feeling in her arm that was a constant reminder that in the morning, they would both be dead. Each second that passed by felt critical. She felt robbed. For the first time in her life, she had finally found someone that wanted to be in her life as much as she wanted to be in theirs. She had finally found someone who loved her enough to stay. To pick her over everything else.

Riley's eyes were calm and soft. She was smiling at Ellie as though she was the only person left on the planet. Riley's eyes were bright and some how full of hope. Riley would never tell Ellie she was terrified to die. She wanted to spend her last hours absorbing what it was like to be loved. Ellie felt her nerves settle down and she found herself smiling back.

"No. I- want this. I want this with you Riley. I just don't know what I'm doing. I know that's stupid but-"

"Hey! Ellie... That's not stupid. I'm serious. We don't have to do anything. I- ..... I love you Ellie.I have been in love with you for a while. When I left you to join the fireflies, that was the hardest thing I've been through since I lost my family. This is enough for me. If this is all the time we have left, you being with me is enough."

"I love you too, Riley."

Ellie felt tears sting her green eyes. Her young face quivered, and she felt her body shake in a earthquake of emotions. She had imagined what her first time would be like many times over in the last few months. She had imagined it would be with Riley. She just didn't picture it being one of the last things she would do with her young life.

"Kiss me, Riley. But this time, don't stop. I don't want you to stop."

Riley slowly pulled Ellie into her and gazed into her misty eyes. She kissed her forehead first, then peppered her face with kisses and gentle touches. Once she reached Ellie's lips, there was no going back. In that time, there was no chaos. There was no infection coursing through their veins. It was just them, being in love. Just them promising to never leave one another behind.

When Ellie woke, her body was riddled with aches. Her chest felt heavy, and her throat felt like it was on fire. As she observed how her body felt, she couldn't shake the dream she was just having. She remembered Riley and their last 12 hours together. She could feel herself want to shut down entirely.

She looked to a sleeping Dina on her couch. She admired Dina's beauty and heart. She didn't know if anything would ever come of her feelings for Dina, and sometimes she was okay with that. She felt like she was cheating on Riley. She felt guilty for being Happy with Dina. She oddly enough felt numb with Cat. Cat was her attempt at trying to feel normal. To live normal. Truth be told, Ellie never felt okay. As the days passed, she found herself growing restless. She wanted answers from Joel.

"Ellie, you're awake! How are you feeling?"

"Pretty lousy. What time is it?"

"Early morning. You've been out for two days now."

"Two days?! You've been here for two days?"

"Well, yeah. I'm not going to leave you behind. I promised I'd stay. So here I am."

Instant tears hit Ellie.

"Hey, El. What's wrong?"

"I'm ok. Sorry. I just- I ache."

That wasn't a lie. Ellie did ache. But she wasn't going to share all the ways she was aching. She wasn't going to share that Dina staying meant the world to her because Riley refused to leave her too.

"Here. Let's get some more medicine in you, and maybe some soup? I had Maria make her famous chicken soup for you."

"That sounds great. Thank you Dina."

"I'll tell Joel to drop by and see you. He was asking after you."

"Oh. Can you just tell him I'm ok? I don't really feel like seeing anyone."

Dina studied Ellie's face for a brief moment and smiled at her warmly.

"Ok. I'll let him know."
XxxxxxxxxxX

Ellie spent the next couple of days with Dina at her side. By the end of her sickness, it was undeniable that Ellie really liked Dina. From Ellie's observations, she was pretty damn sure Dina felt the same. But, they did the awkward just Friends dance. Waltzing past the touches that lasted two seconds too long. Spinning away from the gazes that lit their cores on fire with want. It was a dance that both of them knew was necessary to keep things from getting messy. But when it was all said and done, Ellie had kissed Dina in her mind a hundred different times and each time she let the thoughts of Dina's lips to hers warm her, she gave into the idea that she more than just liked Dina. She was falling in love with her.

"Hey, El? Can I ask you something? And, if you don't want to answer it's ok. I'm just curious."

"Well, that's not nerve wracking or anything. What's on your mind?"

"Are you upset with Joel for some reason? Every time I bring him up, your demeanor does a 360. I was just curious as to why because the man talks about you like you created the sun and the moon."

Ellie held her breath for what felt like hours. She didn't realize she held her emotions towards Joel so close to her sleeve. She had tried to keep her feelings neutral, but apparently she sucked at that. Without thought she ran her hand over her bite and partial tattoo. She felt her chest grow tight. A ball formed in her throat, causing her to struggle for air. Joel had told her to never talk about it. To keep it a secret. But Dina wasn't just anyone. Ellie trusted her.

"Uh .. I am not mad at Joel or anything. I'm just- it's just that... Before we got to Jackson we went through some heavy shit and I guess I'm struggling with it?"

Heavy shit. What a classic line to describe that Ellie suspected something terrible happened while she was unconscious. That the one man who she trusted the most, could have lied about there being a cure. That he stripped her of her purpose, her turn to go next. Ellie saw the beautiful sides of humanity and the monsters that the outbreak had created while on her journey with Joel. She couldn't bring herself to admit that maybe the worst monster of all was the man she had come to love like a father.

"Oh. I see. Have you tried talking to Joel about it? I feel like he would understand you if-"

"No. Joel doesn't DO feelings. He has become overbearing and it drives me crazy. I think it's best to just wait it out."

Dina looked into Ellie's bright green eyes and held them. She could tell Ellie wasn't saying something. It was something huge. The weight of it lived in Ellie's eyes every day. But Dina knew it was best to do what she had always done. Just wait until Ellie came to her.

"Yeah, that's tough. Okay. Well, I just wanted to check. I know sometimes you don't do feelings either, and I care about yours Ellie."

"I know. Really, it's ok. We will be ok. I just need time."

Dina grabbed Ellie's hand and gave it a squeeze and smiled at her.

"Well, I think the time has come. I better get home and get back to patrolling soon. I did love taking care of you though."

"Oh? You loved it? I'm surprised you didn't get sick too. I'm sure I would have also loved it if I hadn't been conscious for it."

Dina giggled and rolled her eyes at Ellie. She would never tell Ellie that she held her hand while she seemingly had several nightmares, and one day she would ask who Riley was, because every night Ellie would call her name out and whimper. Dina could sense whoever it was, meant a lot to Ellie.

"Oh shush. You would have done the same for me."

"Yeah. I would have."

Both girls fell into a comfortable gaze and rested there for several minutes.

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything, ok? I'll see you soon, I hope."

Ellie nodded her head slowly and sank back into her bed and wrapped her blankets tightly around herself. Dina made her way to Ellie and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"For good luck and sweet dreams."

"Thanks Dina. For everything. Really."

"Any time Ellie."

With that, Dina quietly left. Ellie laid down and closed her eyes, hoping she could sleep the rest of the day away.

............................

Over the next few days, Ellie spent time in town doing small jobs as she fully got over her flu. She spent a lot of time in the green house tinkering with the plants and flowers. She didn't have what Joel had called a green thumb, but she found the blooming life around her to be calming.

She had been having nightmares again. About Riley, about David, about drowning and waking up in the back of that car. She felt the need to run. To keep running until she found the answers she was seeking. Ellie had been toying with the idea of going back to Colorado. To find answers. Every time Joel talked or even looked at her, she felt her blood boil. She was going to do it. She was going to leave Jackson by herself and find answers.

..................................

"Hey! Ellie! You're going to the dance tonight, right?"

Ellie was making her way home from the green house when she was greeted by Dina who appeared to be waiting for her.

"Hey Dina! The dance. Right. Uh, I think I am going to skip it this time."

"Are you still not feeling well?"

"I'm okay, I just.. I am not feeling social I guess."

"Oh. I see. Well, do you want to hang out with me then? We can watch a movie or something."

Ellie studied Dina's face and she noticed the girl seemed anxious and disappointed. Her stomach felt like it was sinking and she was having a hard time saying no to Dina. But she was planning on leaving for Colorado while the town was at the dance. She had to do this. She needed answers.

"Dina I- shit I suck at this. Can I get a rain check?"

Dina took a small step back and averted her gaze. Her shoulders slumped slightly. Ellie watched her take in a slow breath and release it. After all the air in her lungs had been let out, Dina snapped her eyes back to Ellie. She offered a faint smile and eyes that held longing that made Ellie want to melt.

"Sure, Ellie. We can raincheck."

"I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to me going. I know I promised I would."

"It's cool. It's not like we won't have another dance. I just really like being around you is all."

The girls stared at each other for several moments in silence. Ellie watched Dina's dark eyes swirl with questions, while Dina once again saw the weight behind Ellie's green eyes. She wanted to kiss Ellie. To convince her that whatever weight was weighing on her wouldn't last forever. She liked to think she could soothe Ellie from whatever it was that was haunting her.

"I really like spending time with you too Dina. You're my favorite person in this whole damn town. You know that, right?"

"Am I? God, Ellie. You have a funny way of showing it. Lucky for you, I am incredible at the long game."

There was a hint of suggestion and playfulness in Dina's tone and Ellie couldn't help but laugh.

"Lucky for you, I don't know what the fuck I am doing, so the long game is all you will ever be able to play with me."

This time Dina laughed. She took a step towards Ellie and collected her in a giant hug. The action threw Ellie off guard for a moment, but she quickly reciprocated and stayed in Dina's arms. Neither girl could deny how perfectly they fit together. After Dina released Ellie, she smiled warmly at her.

"You owe me, Ellie. You owe me an appearance and a dance."

"Alright. I promise."

"Good."

Dina lingered for a moment longer then went on her way. Ellie watched the girl go. Before she turned to head to her place to pack, she prayed to whatever higher power there was that she would make it back to Dina safe. Ellie knew she wouldn't be able to live a normal life if she continued to feel this way inside. If Ellie made it back in once piece, she knew she had to take a chance with Dina If the opportunity presented itself. As Ellie was walking home she quietly sang to herself

"I'll be coming for your love, okay."

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: Better to be safe than sorry

Dina stirred awake to a light tapping sound at her window. Her eyes peeled open with a heaviness, and it took several seconds for the fogginess in her brain to clear as she assessed what was going on. The tapping continued, followed by a whispered voice.

"Dina! Hey Dina, wake up!"

Dina sat covered in her sheet for several seconds until the voice she was hearing sunk in.

"Ellie?"

As Dina peeled back the sheet to stand she felt a wave of dizziness overcome her. She had drank at the dance last night, and could feel the alcohols grasp on her still. She stumbled her way to the window and pulled it open.

"Ellie, what the hell? What time is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry to wake you, I just wanted to give you something."

Dina was fully awake now as a chilly blast of air hugged her. She noticed Ellie's face seemed distraught. Nervous even.

"Okay? Ellie, you know I have a door, right? You can come use it and come in."

"Of course I know you have a door. I just can't stay. I have to go. I just wanted to give you the drawing I did of you that night."

Dina felt confusion stirring in her. It carried a heavy sense of alarm in it as well, as Ellie had never done something like this before, and it was the middle of the night, so where could she possibly need to go?

Before Dina has time to process words, Ellie was handing her the drawing. Dina took it and smiled warmly at it. The memories from that night came flooding back to her. Ellie's hand was rested on hers as she had not fully let go of the drawing. Dina's gaze met Ellie's and they stood there for several seconds, silence trying it's best to drown both of them.

"Wait Ellie, what do you mean you have to go? Go where? It's the middle of the night. Seriously, are you ok? I'm kind of worried."

Dina could feel her stomach growing rigid from nerves. Ellie's eyes searched hers for a second until she broke contact and slowly started to back away from the window.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just need- look. It's complicated. I can't explain it to you, but I have answers I need to find and they are not here in Jackson, ok? So can you just take the drawing and I'll be on my way."

Ellie's tone was rushed and she was trying to be hard, but Dina could see through the mask. Ellie's eyes said she was sad, and angry, and scared.

"Hey, Ellie, come in? Come in and I'll make you some tea and we can tal-"

"No, did you not hear me? I have to go. I just wanted you to have this to remember me by. That's all."

"Ellie you're scaring me. Why are you talking like I'm never going to see you again?"

There was a long, heavy pause. Dina could see Ellie's eyes start to grow misty. She started to fidget, and her breathing became hevy. Ellie was backing further from the window. Giving Dina a longing gaze.

"I don't know where this part of my story will take me Dina. But no matter what happens, just know that you made me want to do more than just survive."

Dina could feel tears start to pool into her eyes and her throat felt a lurching sensation as she tried to speak. Ellie looked at her for a moment longer, then turned and left.

"Ellie! Ellie, WAIT! please talk to me! Please?"

Dina's pleading fell into the chilly night air, and she was left standing at her window holding the drawing Ellie did of her. She quickly set it down and threw on any clothes she could find. She tore open her door and ran in the direction Ellie was going. She needed to understand.

Several minutes later, Dina could make out a shape in front of her. She had caught up to Ellie. Heavy footed and slightly still drunk, she tripped on a large stick and the snapping sound made Ellie whirl around.

"Ellie stop! Would you just talk to me?"

"There is nothing to talk about, go home Dina."

"Bullshit. There is ALWAYS something to talk about when it comes to you Ellie, okay? You think I don't see it every day in your eyes? You wear whatever this is like a burden that is waiting to explode at any moment. So stop with the bullshit and tell me what's going on."

Dina's face was flushed from fatigue and cold air. She was bent over grasping her side as she caught her breath. She was as stubborn as she was beautiful, two things that Ellie could never ignore, even if she tried. She couldn't tell her though. How could she explain that she was a living cure and Joel possibly damned the whole world? Ellie couldn't handle that reaction. She couldn't handle that truth even though she needed it like she needed air.

"Dina... It's complicated. Okay? I need you to let me do this. I need you to let me go right now."

"No. Not until you can assure me you will come back Ellie. Or at least tell me where you're going? Give me SOMETHING. Please, Ellie."

Dina closed the space between them and took Ellie's hands into her own. She held them tight as she looked into Ellie's green eyes.

"I can't promise you that Dina. I wish I could, but I can't..."

"Bullshit. You're a fighter Ellie. I feel that. So whatever ghosts you have to chase, I respect that, ok? But I need to know you're going to fucking keep fighting and come back to me."

Dina's voice faltered and she felt a small gasp escape her lips from the idea of losing this girl in front of her. Ellie seemed surprised by this request, but reciprocated to Dina's hand squeezing and threw her arms around Dina. Dina burried her face into Ellie's shoulder and wished to stay like that forever.

"Colorado. I'm going to Colorado. I promise, I'll come back to Jackson. Just... Don't tell Joel, ok? I have to do this Dina. Do you understand? Can you promise me you won't tell Joel?"

Dina pulled away and brought her hand to Ellie's face. She gently tucked a stray hair behind Ellie's ear and smiled warmly at her. Ellie relaxed into her touch and smiled back.

"Ok. I promise. If you don't come back in a month, I swear to God Ellie I will hunt you down."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked me?"

Dina shoved Ellie and offered her a chuckle. Ellie reacted and grabbed her wrist. Dina felt her heart start to race and she could feel herself start to sway into Ellie. Closer and closer. Ellie laid a lingering kiss on Dina's cheek. Then released the girl.

"Get your ass back home. I'll see you when I see you, ok?"

Dina nodded and found herself struggling to think. Ellie turned to go, and she watched until she could no longer see her. As she walked home, she fought with herself about if it was right to stay quiet about this. She thought back to their conversation over and over, and all she could remember is the closeness of Ellie to her before she kissed her cheek. She would keep her promise for as long as she could, but she knew if Joel came asking, she wasn't going to lie to him.

...............................

Like clockwork, Dina woke up in a state of shock when there was a pounding on her door. She sat bolt upright and flew out of bed. When she opened the door, Joel, Tommy and Maria were all looking at her.

"Dina, do you know where Ellie is?"

Joel's voice was stern and riddled with a controlled panic. She could see his distress and his energy was swimming with anxiety.

"I- ... "

"Dina, if you know where she is, please tell us, ok? With the amount of hunters and hoards we've seen, we have to find her. You won't be in trouble."

Maria was up to bat now. Her gaze was steel and her tone meant business. Dina felt her gaze pierce right through her.

"Dina, please? Your the last person we can ask. Everyone else said they have not seen her. You are not protecting her by letting her go off on her own."

Joel's voice was low and calm. His eyes were sad now. Dina cursed herself and held her breath a moment longer before speaking.

"She left. To Colorado. Said she needed to find answers."

Dina watched Joel's face turn white and all the hope drop from his face. He then looked to Tommy with a panicked look.

"Thank you Dina."

Mariah offered her a quick arm squeeze as they all turned to leave. Joel was marching to his horse bickering quietly with Tommy. Before she closed her door she heard Joel say

"She can't find out the truth Tommy!"

As she made her way back to bed, she sat up with the blankets curled around her. She thought for hours about what Joel could have possibly meant by that. What truth? What was Ellie looking for? Better yet, what in the hell happened before Joel and Ellie got to Jackson? These were all questions that were going to keep her up at night. Even more so, she knew she wasn't going to be ok until Ellie came back home to her.

.................................

Dina sat with Jesse on her couch. They were kissing. They had been kissing for several minutes now, and Dina was struggling to be in the moment. Jesse pulled away and looked at her with concern.

"Are you ok Dina? You seem like you're somewhere else."

Truth be told, Dina WAS somewhere else, with someone else entirely. She couldn't stop thinking about Ellie. She couldn't stop wondering if she was alive, or if she'd ever get the chance to see her again. She also couldn't stop picturing Ellie's lips near hers every time Jesse kissed her.

"Yeah, I'm just tired I guess. Sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. We are all worried about her, Dina."

"What?"

"I know you're worried about Ellie. She's a great friend to all of us. But trust that Joel will bring her back. He's a good guy."

Dina smiled at Jesse and nodded her head. Jesse then put his arm around her and pressed play on the DVD they had paused.

"Let's just watch this movie and enjoy each others company, ok?"

Dina didn't say much after that. She watched the movie with Jesse. From time to time she watched him watch the movie. Laughing at all the parts he always does, making the same commentary about the same parts he likes. He was such a Lovely, familiar presence to Dina. Yet, she found herself wanting more. She knew what more meant. She knew that Ellie was the one that lit a new spark in her. She knew that Ellie, was worth waiting for.

................................

3 weeks had passed and there was no sign of Ellie or Joel. The town had become hushed and sullen if someone mentioned their names. Tommy had become quite and kept himself busy with patrols. Dina found herself keeping to herself. She didn't go out and socialize, and for the time being, her mind was set on taking another break with Jesse. She felt a ball of guilt in the pit of her stomach every time he was around. He was a good guy and she knew he deserved someone who wanted him as much as he wanted her.

She tried to understand why they kept trying. It was always the same things that ended it. She had summed it up to small town, not many choices. But it was more than that. He was familiar and safe for her. After all the things she had been through, Jesse was consistent and kept her safe.

Dina found herself staring at the drawing that Ellie did of her. She missed Ellie so much that she ached. She felt ridiculous. She had not even kissed Ellie, or gone on a single date with her. There was so much that she didn't know about the girl, but damn it, Dina wanted to know everything. She wanted to explore every piece of Ellie, she wanted to swan dive into Ellie's life and start building something new with her. Dina swore to herself that she wouldn't let the opportunity pass her up again. When the time was right, she would let Ellie know how she felt. She wouldn't let Ellie go again.

Chapter Text

5 weeks had passed since Ellie had left Jackson. The town had small whispers flying all around that maybe Joel and Ellie didn't make it. There had been a town meeting about the possibility of sending out a group of people to search for them. Ultimately, Maria decided that the man power needed to stay in Jackson for raiders and hoards. As Dina sat in the meeting, she got a rare chance to see the downside of Jackson. She saw a community that was without backbone and loyalty to one another when things were bad. She saw a community that had grown too comfortable living in a sleepy little village and refused to take any risks for the sake of one another. She watched Tommy grow pale and livid with Maria's final decision. His eyes held such a helplessness that seemed to be drowning his soul. Dina wanted to stand and shout for all of Jackson to hear that she thought they were all spinless. Her and other teens offered to go, and Maria wouldn't even let them finish their statements. Dina felt a heat rising in her that she had not felt since her sister died. She wanted to destroy everything. Her fight instincts kicked in to their fullest capacity, and she was inconsolable. When the town meeting ended, Dina stormed out of the building feeling as though she could breath fire from her mouth. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she quickly turned, fist in a tight ball. She was ready to swing at any moment.

"Dina, it's just me!"

Jesse was before her. His hand still firmly on her shoulder. She looked him over quickly and shrugged off his touch.

"Not now Jesse. Okay? I just need to be alone."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Talk to me Dina. You've been really off for weeks now and I think we should talk about us and-

"Are you serious right now Jesse!? Ellie and Joel are still missing and you want to talk about us?!"

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant talk about us in the sense of what we can do to help the situation. I am worried about Joel and Ellie too. In case you didn't notice I offered to go help you look for them."

"No Jesse. I'm not stupid ok? I know what you meant by US. You saying I have been off is your Mr nice guy routine of asking why I don't want to spend every waking moment with you. Why I don't want to sleep with you every fucking night! Don't use Ellie and Joel as a scapegoat to talk about hard things with me. Maria made it very clear nothing is going to be done. All I have been doing for weeks is patrolling and sleeping. I don't want to deal with any of this shit right now!"

"I know, that's why I am worried. Ive noticed Dina. Why are you so pissed at me? What's REALLY going on? It's almost like you have feelings for El-"

"Don't fucking finish that sentence Jesse. For once in your life, please stay out of it! If you care about me, then give me some space."

Jesse studied Dina's face for several moments. People had stopped and were watching their conversation unfolding. Her face was flushed in anger and her stance was defensive. Her fist was still in a ball and her eyes were cold. He slowly took a step back and let his shoulders drop in defeat.

"I'll give you all the space you need, Dina. I don't want to see you anymore. I can't keep doing this with you. I care about you and I want you to be safe and happy. I can't do that if you won't let me, so I am done."

Jesse turned and walked away. Dina watched him retreat back into the towns meeting hall. She felt her chest grow tighter and tears well in her eyes. She didn't mean to be so hard on Jesse. She could feel all her fear and worry coming to the forefront of her emotions and it was too much to take. She didn't fully understand her feelings for Ellie, nor did she understand her anger towards Jesse. Either way she just wanted to be home in bed alone. She wanted to sleep until someone brought the news that Ellie was home again. She wanted to hold Ellie and tell her that she's never felt so lost in her entire life.

..................................

Another five days had passed, and Dina was becoming more anxious and irritable. She was no longer sleeping, and eating had also become a task. Maria had been by a few times to check in on her and Dina kept the conversation deathly short. Maria suggested Dina should take time off from patrolling, and Dina agreed. For the past two days Dina had been restlessly roaming her house. She had tried reading, watching movies, writing, sleeping. Nothing was offering relief to her worrying. Dina found herself laying on the floor. Arms and legs stretched out as far as they could go. She stared at the ceiling and counted all the cracks she could find. She then closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She held it until her lungs burned. When she released it, her entire body deflated into the hardwood floors. She felt her spine sink, and her fingers and toes tingle from the pop her back released. She did this over and over. Her heart started to slow finally, and her anxiety started to lessen. She closed her eyes and listened to the drumming of her own heartbeat sounding off in her ears. Suddenly, she felt tears sliding down her cheeks. When she opened her eyes, the flooding of her sadness and anxiety took over and released itself in warm, giant tears. Dina felt a raging guilt storming in her chest. She shouldn't have let Ellie go. She should have dragged her back to her house, she should have made her talk to her. This feeling was all to familiar in Dina's heart. When her sister had left her to find more supplies, Dina knew she should have begged her sister to stay. But, she didn't. She was sobbing now. The ache in her chest threatening to bust her ribcage open to allow all her feelings to suffocate her. Something about Ellie brought Dina peace. Just as her sister had always been the light in their darkness. Now, Dina was having to face the possibility that she let both of them die because she didn't fight hard enough to keep them safe.

In the midst of her thoughts, Dina heard a loud knock on her door. She laid still for several moments, hoping whoever was out there would just leave. Another knock came, this time even harder. Dina sat up and waited.

"Uh, Dina? Hello!! Can you come to the door?"

Dina sat in a stupor. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and tried to process the voice she was hearing.

"Cat?"

There was another knock on the door followed by a loud, annoyed sigh.

"Dina! I know you're in there! Can you just open the damm door for like 2 seconds please!"

Dina got to her feet and threw on her light weight jacket. She reached for the door and pulled it open.

"Thank God! Dina, hi."

"Are you lost, Cat?"

Cat looked at Dina and a sly smile spread across her lips.

"Still a bitch I see. That's good. For a second there, I thought you were all out of fight."

"Cat, I am not in the mood for this. What do you want?"

"Chill out, killer. I'm just here to drop of this food for you. Maria asked me if I would. SOOOO.... Here's some fucking food?"

Cat held out a paper bag to Dina and the two girls stood there motionless. Gawking at one another.

"Dina! Take the damn food. I don't want to catch shit from Maria about letting you starve to death because of some emo girl bullshit you're going through."

Dina reached out and took the bag from cat. A small smile had formed on her face. For as much as she hated Cat, she had to admit, the girl was very witty.

"Emo girl bullshit? Really, Cat?"

"What else do you want me to call it? When's the last time you showered? You're clearly not eating, and you don't leave the house. If I have one more horny teen boy ask where you are, I'm going to throw myself into a fucking hoard of runners. Please, I beg of you, start leaving your house again."

This time, Dina laughed. It was a small chuckle followed by a half hearted eye roll.

"Oh shit. Did I actually get you to laugh? Man, things must be far worse than I imagined. Well, I'll leave you to it then. Please eat. And shower, you look like shit."

Cat turned on her heel quickly but was stopped when she heard the sadness in Dina's voice when she said thank you. Cat slowly turned back around and saw Dina just standing there with a blank stare on her face, eyes and cheeks red from holding in tears.

"Hey, Dina... Are you really ok? I know you and I don't always get along but, I am serious, are you ok?"

Dina stood there. Shoulders slumped, body shaking, face growing hotter by the second. She was spiraling quickly, and to have Cat on her door step asking if she was ok, was the confirmation of the fact that she was NOT ok at all.

"Shit, Dina. Hey.. it's going to be ok. Jesse had mentioned you were rough, but I think he under exaggerated a bit."

Dina held her hand up to stop Cat from coming any closer. God help her if she started to seek comfort in Cat's arms. She didn't think she could come back from that.

"Cat, are you not worried about Ellie at all? How are you so calm?"

Cat studied Dina's face for a long moment before speaking. She took time to think of her words in light of the situation.

"Of course I am. But, Ellie is an adult. One thing I learned about Ellie when we were together is, she will do what ever the fuck she is going to do once her mind is made up. I guess I also am not in love with her the way you are, and that's ok. Being in love in this day and age is for fools."

Dina felt her blood run cold and a heat wash over her face. She couldn't bring herself to look Cat in the eyes. She couldn't bring herself to even move.

"Love? I'm- I am not in love with Ellie, Cat. She's a really good friend and-"

Cat laughed in Dina's face louder than she had intended. She held her hands out in apologies.

"Dina, are you fucking serious right now? You look at Ellie like she created the fucking earth we are standing on. Your eyes never leave that girls lips, and for the love of God, don't get me started on how many times your eyes trace up and down her when she is near you. It's ok, you're kind of gay. Just accept it and move on. Then maybe you can put Jesse out of his misery."

Cat was blunt and to the point. Dina's sadness dissipated into rage. Cat had a lot of audacity for being several inches shorter than Dina. Dina felt herself step forward, chest out and fist balled up.

"First of all, it's creepy that you watch me that much. Secondly, I am the only one that gets a say in my own feelings and I am sick of everyone telling me otherwise. When it comes to Jesse, that's none of your damn business. Thanks for the food. You can get off my porch now."

Dina turned to close the door but stopped when Cat grabbed her wrist and whirled her around.

"Don't flatter yourself Dina. I wouldn't notice you ever if you were not pinning for Ellie constantly. When Ellie comes back, I fully intend to be there for her if she wants me to be, and there's nothing or no one that will stop me. I will say this though. Whatever magic you think you see in Ellie, whatever domesticated, unrealistic fantasy life you have imagined in your mind to have with Ellie, you should let it die right now because I can promise you, nothing you do or say is going to fix Ellie. See you around."

Cat sauntered off Dina's porch and Dina felt like she had been given a right hook to the face. She huffed and slammed her front door as hard as she could. When the echo of the slam silenced, Dina was left alone again. Alone with her thoughts and feelings that were determined to eat her whole.

..................................

"Dina! Dina! Wake up!"

Dina was stirred awake by distant shouting in her sleep. When her eyes fully opened she sat up quickly. Someone was pounding on her door excitedly.

She ran to the door and threw it open. Jesse was there, huffing hard to catch his breath. He was smiling at her, and his eyes were filled with joy.

"Dina! Get dressed and come with me! Ellie and Joel are back! They are at the tipsy bison eating!"

"What! Ok! Give me 2 minutes!"

Dina slammed her door and sprinted up the steps into her bedroom. It was early in the evening. She must have fallen asleep on her couch reading. Her heart was racing with excitement and happiness. She could feel her eyes getting watery at the thought of knowing Ellie was alive and back in Jackson. As she threw on her jeans and jacket, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She noted how she looked older now. How her face was starting to mature, and how much she looked Like her mother. Dina never thought she was conventually attractive. Her mind raced back to the night Ellie drew her. She knew Ellie had meant what she said about her being beautiful. That moment always clung to Dina's heart. She was certain that Ellie also meant she thought her heart was beautiful too, and in saying so expected absolutely nothing in return.

"Dina hurry up! I don't know how long they are going to be there!"

"I am coming! I just need my shoes!"

"They are by the door, let's go!"

"I have more than one pair of shoes, I don't want those ones!"

Dina scrambled into her closet and threw on her low top converse. They were a gift from Ellie. She figured now would be the appropriate time to wear them.

She flew down the stairs and was out the door faster than Jesse could move. She nearly closed his hand in the doorway.

"Dina, you almost took out my hand!"

"You are the one telling me to rush! This is me rushing. I'm not responsible for any bodily harm that may cause."

Jesse just laughed and took stride next to Dina. There was silence between them for several blocks until finally Jesse broke.

"Hey Dina, I am sorry. I am sorry about before and for leaving you alone in all of this. I shouldn't have said what I said. I also didn't mean anything I said."

Dina looked a Jesse with soft eyes and offered him a small grin.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to take my worry and lash out at you. To be fair, I asked you for the space. So, I wouldn't beat yourself up about that."

"I talked to cat and she said things got... Interesting?"

"More like uncomfortable. I'd like to forget that please."

"Right. Sorry. Well, it's great to see you. I missed you."

"It's nice to see you too Jesse. You're one of my best friends. I know things are, complicated, but no matter what I always want to be in your life some how."

"I can work with that Dina. Thanks."

They finally reached the tipsy bison and Dina felt her excitement boiling over. She tried to keep her composer as best she could.

When they entered there was no one in there except Tommy, Maria, Seth and Joel and Ellie.

When Dina saw Ellie, her smile faded instantly. Ellie looked thin and pale. The bags under her eyes indicated that she had not been sleeping. There was zero life in her eyes. When they made eye contact, Dina noticed that Ellie averted her gaze and then slowly looked back at her. Almost as if she was looking for a way to disappear entirely. Ellie did not smile at her or wave. She simply just sat there staring.

When Dina and Jesse reached them, things felt awkward. Jesse reached his hand out to offer Joel a welcome back pat and then moved to Ellie.

"Ellie, it's great to see you. Welcome back."

She looked at Jesse and nodded her head and offered a weak, bland smile. She didn't say a word.

"Jesse, it's great to see you. Thanks for stopping by."

Joel shook Jesse's hand and smiled at him. Dina felt her stomach in her throat, and her heart felt like it could explode.

"Ellie, I am so happy to see you again."

Both girls stared at each other for what seemed like days, and existed in those seconds. Dina noticed Ellie's eyes shimmer, and her hardened stare became softer. She noticed Ellie's breathing became faster and she had set down her fork. Dina couldn't figure it out, but something was different. Wrong even, about Ellie. This girl sitting in front of her felt like a shell of who she once knew. As Dina always did, she went to Ellie's green eyes. The burden she had once been holding was no longer there. Instead, Dina felt like she was gazing into an empty abyss. There was no anger or sadness. No pressure or confusion. There was absolutely nothing in Ellie's eyes anymore and this made Dina's eyes start to burn with tears.

"Dina..."

Ellie's voice was small and barley above a whisper. Without warning Ellie shot up an threw her arms around Dina. She buried her face in Dina's shoulder and held her breath until her lungs screamed for a release. Ellie didn't know where to start. She didn't know what to say. But she needed to get away from everyone. Everyone except Dina.

"I am going now. Thanks for dinner Maria. I'll let you know when I'm ready for work again."

Ellie had no emotion in her voice. She pushed past everyone and took Dina with her. Once they crossed the threshold of the door and it had closed behind them, Ellie took a breath. She let the cool evening air blast her in the face and she embraced it.

"Dina, can I stay at your house for a few days? Please?"

"Of course Ellie. Anything you need. Come on, let's get you cleaned up, ok?"

When the two girls reached Dina's house, they both released a sigh of relief. The instant they both crossed the threshold and the door was closed behind them, they reached for each other in a tight emotional embrace. Dina buried her face into Ellie's shoulder and tiny tears escaped her eyes. She could feel Ellie's heart beat against her own chest, and that alone made Dina weak with joy and peace.

"I missed you Ellie. Don't ever fucking do that again, okay? And if you do, I am coming with you!"

Ellie grasped onto Dina as though she was the last real thing on earth. She took in her scent and let it live in her lungs for as long as possible. She felt her skin to hers and used that as proof that she was still alive. With each ticking moment that passed, Ellie could feel her entire reality unraveling. Everything she thought she knew was a lie, and everyone she thought she could trust was either dead or had lied to her. How could she even begin to explain to anyone the truth she had uncovered in Colorado? How could she ever find words to explain how catastrophically guilty and worthless Ellie now felt? Joel lied about the fireflies. He killed almost all of them, and now Ellie would never get her chance to fix the world. Ellie didn't hear Dina speaking to her. Instead all she could hear was her own sobbing. It was heavy and messy. Her body heaved and shook. Dina held her tighter. She placed kiss after kiss onto Ellie's head. Dina realized Ellie was in a state of shock. She steered Ellie up to her bedroom and tucked her into bed. She didn't care that Ellie was filthy. All she wanted was to offer Ellie peace. That night, they slept together in each other's arms. They shut out the rest of the world and simply just held each other in silence.

.....................................

There were several times in the night that Dina woke to Ellie having small nightmares. Ellie would start breathing harder, followed by light thrashing. Almost as if she was running and fighting someone. Her face would contort into pain and sadness, and she would whimper and sob. Ellie never woke up from her terrors. Instead, she would settle into Dina's touch or voice and keep sleeping. Something Dina knew Ellie had not been doing in a long while.

Dina laid next to Ellie and watched her sleep. She found herself running her hand through Ellies hair to comfort her. There were times where her hands would gently feather across Ellie's cheekbones, and pause for seconds to take in the fact that Ellie was still alive. To this point, Dina had never considered herself to be in love with anyone. Sure she had crushes, and feelings, but none of it ever pulled her like this. She heard Cat's words echo in her ears and they sank to the bottom of her Stomach. The more she looked at Ellie the more she realized that maybe Cat was right. All Dina wanted to do was wake Ellie up and kiss her. She wanted to kiss every single scar and freckle on Ellie. She wanted to map out Ellie's body with her fingertips and memorize it. She wanted to make Ellie feel loved, and wanted, and safe. A small tear formed in Dina's eyes and she let it fall silently. If she felt this way, why couldn't she act on it? Why did she keep going back to Jesse? Suddenly, the truth started to present itself to Dina in a blinding way. Dina was terrified to lose Ellie. She knew if she gave in, that opened her up to be destroyed if something ever happened to Ellie. She didn't feel ready for it.

Dina placed a single kiss on Ellie's forehead and as quietly as she could, whispered out a single declaration for no one except herself

"I think I am in love with you Ellie."

The words stayed floating in the air for several minutes. Dina sat with them gently and let them build a home in her heart. She wanted to do nothing more than love Ellie, but she simply didn't know where to start, and that was the scariest thought in the world.

Ellie opened her eyes and was greeted with a slumbering Dina. She laid still for several minutes just admiring. Ellie realized that Dina's hand was curled into hers and the connection filled Ellie with warmth. The last 5 weeks had been hell for Ellie. Her body ached in places she didn't know she had. But even more so, the tears and wounds on her heart were critical. She found herself struggling to feel anything at all. She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream so loud that it ruptured glass and echoed around the whole world. She wanted to be saved and yet, wanted to die just as much. Before Ellie had left Jackson, she had fully intended to work up the courage to ask Dina out. She couldn't take seeing her with Jesse anymore. She couldn't stand not being able to kiss her and be with her in ways that she craved. But now, as Dina was nearly in her arms, as she was just inches away from her lips, she found that the idea of Dina not only scared the shit out of her, but she felt unworthy. Ellie slowly peeled herself off the bed and crept down the stairs as quietly as she could. Ellie was desperate to feel something other than the malice and decay in her mind. She refused to infect Dina with her bullshit. She wasn't ready to love Dina the way she deserved to be loved. She may never be. The thought tore Ellie down even further. She found herself suddenly outside and marching in a specific direction. In minutes she was knocking on a door and when it opened, Ellie gave herself to the person waiting on the other side.

Cat stood holding Ellie in her arms, reciprocating the rapid kisses that Ellie was planting on her lips. As Cat found a second to close her front door, she smiled into another hard kiss from Ellie, knowing that she now had the chance to make Ellie hers again.

Chapter Text

A year after Ellie returned back to Jackson with Joel, she found that she was struggling to play the part that everyone expected of her. Despite her now knowing the truth, she was still living a lie. Still hiding in the shadows of her immunity that was now meaningless. She carried with her the weight of every single death that was caused due to infection. That guilt ran rampant through her veins and ripped apart every last fiber of her gentleness. She was left with an empty shell of her self that she wanted to watch burn until the last of the ashes blew away in a unforgiving winter storm.

When Ellie was in Boston, things were simple. She hated military school, but even then, the hate she felt for it was simple. It was not layered with a thick complexity that threatened to crush her at any moment. She only had to worry about one friend. A friend who, she had fallen stupidly in love with. But from the moment Ellie kissed Riley, to the second she had to pull that trigger after Riley turned, Ellie's heart worked. It ached and pleaded and sighed in every beautiful way a heart can. Despite all the pain of losing Riley, Ellie clung to the hope her immunity gave to so many. Riley was her dream. Her simple dream. To wake to her face every morning. To hear a laughter that only Ellie stir from within Riley's happiest parts. To kiss her every night and talk about the stars, and what lies within the infinite. But then, they were infected. Ellie waited and waited for her turn and it never came. That was the first lie. Ellie was told if she was ever infected, she would die like all the rest. But, she didn't. Instead, she watched her dream die with Riley. She watched her bravery die with Tess. She watched her hope die with Sam and Henry. She watched the very essence of humanity turn on itself in a volatile, brutal way. She even had the blood stained on her hands from becoming part of that wrath in order to survive. Only now, she regretted fighting so hard to stay alive.

She was at war with herself every second of every day. She tried to not be cold to people. She tried to love all the things she usually loved, but anger was the forefront of all her feelings. Her trust had been violated in ways that destroyed Ellie's once playful essence. How would she even begin to tell others that Joel, who now treated her like a daughter, was her biggest villain. His love for her stole her turn. His love for her took the purpose of her life and destroyed it. But others would ask " how can you hate someone who loves you so much?" And as Ellie thought and thought about Joel's choice to save her, all she could think was "how could he take that choice from me."

Her thoughts rammed throughout her mind constantly. She had kept to her word about her and Joel being done. She only spoke to him when absolutely necessary, and used one or two word sentences. If he was somewhere in town, she would stay as far away as possible.

Ellie had decided to try and numb her feelings in any way possible. Even if it included dating Cat again. Dina had asked Ellie where she went that morning when she first got back. She couldn't bring herself to say she went and slept with cat to avoid the fact that she was in love with Dina. Ellie told her she had just gone for a walk and ended decided to go home afterwards. Now Ellie would let Cat drag her around by the hand. She would let Cat kiss her in public and folded to every sexual request that Cat had. Not long after Ellie started to date Cat, Dina went back to Jesse. It had become a chess match for the ages and Ellie was sacrificing pieces like a masochist in hopes that Dina would simply put her out of her misery. If Ellie was honest, she hated kissing Cat. She hated the way Cat laughed at serious situations. She hated how Cat would criticize her art work. She hated how Cat constantly tried to change the way she looked. Cat was temporary in the grand scheme of things. Ellie knew it was toxic, yet it kept her distracted for brief moments at a time. No matter what Ellie did, her mind always drifted back to Dina. The last tiny fragments of Ellie's heart simply wanted Dina. Even in this moment, as Cat was kissing her neck, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Ellie could think of nothing but the misery she felt from Joel, and the secret love she had for Dina.

"Ellie? Hey, are you okay? You seem like you're not even on this planet."

"Huh? What? I'm fine."

"No. You're really not. You've been different for weeks now. Is there something on your mind?"

"No."

"No? That's all you have for me, Ellie? I am half naked in your lap right now and you have not made a single sound. You've barley even moved your hands."

"I guess I am just not in the mood right now."

"You never are."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I think the picture is pretty clear Ellie."

"Well I think all you ever want is Sex and that's just as big of a problem."

"What do you want from me Ellie? I told you a long time ago I am not a romance, dating type of girl. I am not looking to fall in love or anything. This is just... Fun."

"I wasn't expecting much from you Cat, and that's the problem. This isn't fun. Not for me."

"Then you know where the door is, Ellie. I am not Dina."

Ellie paused. Her face burned with heat. She watched as cat buttoned up her shirt and smiled coldly at Ellie.

"No. You're not Dina, Cat. But my god, every time you have touched me or kissed me- I wished you were her."

Ellie stood up and walked out of Cat's house. Slamming the door so hard behind her she heard the smashing sound of glass as a picture frame fell off the wall. She heard a distant "fuck you Ellie" as Cat had opened the door and yelled after her. Ellie could feel anger and panic colliding in her lungs and chest. She wanted to scream until her vocal cords ruptured. She wanted to rampage on anything and everything just to prove to herself that she could still feel. She had made her way to a playground and sat in one of the swings. She rocked back and forth letting the early evening air cool her flushed skin. She looked to find that a tiny sliver of the moon was peaking out and she focused her gaze to the faint stars and sky above her. She let the endlessness of it all make her feel small. She let it remind her that there is so much more out there than what was left of this world.

"So, what phase of the moon is this?"

Ellie looked to her side to see Dina standing there looking up at the moon with her, sporting that sweet smile everyone loved.

"Uh, this one is waxing crescent."

"Mm. I see. This phase makes me hungry."

"What?"

Ellie looked at Dina with a small smirk and offered a tiny chuckle.

"It makes me hungry. It looks like a damn croissant Ellie."

Ellie paused and turned her head to gawk up at the moon.

"Oh shut the fuck up... You're kinda right!"

"Damn right I am right! How have you never thought that before?"

"I dunno. I guess I am not as food motivated as you are."

"Pfff. You SHOULD be. Food is amazing."

At this point, Dina had joined Ellie in the swing next to her. She had matched pace with Ellie's slow, rocking rhythm. Ellie caught a blast of Dina's scent and closed her eyes and smiled.

"What? What has you smiling, other than me blessing you with my awesomeness."

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Mm. I don't believe you, but I'll drop it, for now. How have you been Ellie?"

Ellie kept her eyes to the sky. She was having a hard time facing Dina. She should have never left her house that morning when she got back from Colorado.

"Ok. I guess. How have you been?"

"Okay too."

Dina's voice was soft. The softness made Ellie slowly turn to look at her. Dina was waiting for her. Her eyes were soft and calm. They held a longing in them that made Ellie ache.

"Why only ok?"

"Eh. I don't know. I uh- I can't make up my mind about someone. Maybe you know them? Really cute girl, about 5'6 dark red brown hair, green eyes to die for... Have you met her?"

Ellie giggled and bit her bottom lip in shyness.

"Nope. She sounds hideous though."

Dina laughed and punched Ellie in the shoulder. The hit made Ellie suck in air through her teeth and yelp.

"OW! what was that for!"

"You know exactly what that was for, doofus."

"Yeah. I know. A-hem. So, this girl.. what can't you decide about her?"

"A few things. Like, if she's really ok. Ever. How I can help make her feel better. If she likes me the way I like her.. those sort of things. You know .. small casual things."

Ellie laughed and released a nervous sigh.

"She sounds complicated. Or maybe she's just afraid of the world right now."

"Oh? Other than the blood thirsty hunters and grotesque fungus people, what else could possibly scare her?"

"I don't think she fully even understands. But, maybe one day she will."

"I think she will figure it out. She's pretty smart. But she is a shitty liar."

Ellie chuckled and her eyes shyly drifted up to look at Dina.

"What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No. Just.. I just missed you is all. I am sorry I left that morning Dina."

"Why did you? Ellie, what happened to you in Colorado? I never see you as when we talk it's so brief. But I can feel it. I can feel that something is hurting you."

Ellie paused and stopped swinging. Her body became Ridgid, and she focused on her shoes grinding into the dirt as she tried to find something to say. She could feel Dina's eyes on her. Studying her closely.

"I- left because I guess I was scared of hurting you. I have a lot of shit to sort out Dina. I don't know how to fix myself."

"I wish... I wish you had not gone to Cat. But that isn't up to me, and I know that's selfish. But, it's not a direction I wanted to see you go back down."

Ellie's eyes grew wide and she forgot how to form words in her head. She sat staring at Dina in disbelief and guilt.

"How did you-"

"Ellie. Cat has a huge mouth. I heard all about it the next day. In fact I am pretty sure she made it a point to let me know you fucked."

Ellie's face went red with both anger and embarrassment. She felt sick to her stomach and she wanted desperately to rip her bones out of her skin.

"Dina.."

"It's ok. Well, I mean I was pretty livid that you had lied to me. But, the more I thought about it, the more it just worried me. I guess I just wanted it to be me who you ran to for comfort."

Ellie turned her head up and looked at Dina. Her eyes had a slight sad weight to them, but her voice was still tender. It was still kind.

"Yeah. It was pretty stupid of me. But, I didn't go to Cat for comfort. I went to her because I- hated everything. Everything except you. I didn't want to hurt you, but I guess I did anyway. If it makes you feel better, I literally just broke up with her. I am sure you saw that coming though."

"I mean, the selfish part of me wanted that. But the part of me that worries about you, hopes you're ok. If I need to kick her ass, I will Ellie. You just have to tell me. My god, what I would give to just knee her in the stomach just one time."

Ellie couldn't help but laugh. Dina's tone flipped from being soft and gentle to full throttle anger. Ellie would never say it, but Dina was hot when she was angry. Her face would flush and her lips would pout. But her eyes. Her eyes had a fire that ignited into a fire storm and the colors it created in Ellie's mind rendered her speechless every time.

"Ellie, I just want to love you."

Ellie felt her stomach drop. She felt Dina's words guide themselves into her faintly beating heart and jump start it. Her skin grew warm, and a blast of light washed over the cloud of darkness that had attached itself to Ellie. She let the word Love echo in her mind and found herself fighting it immediately.

"What if I am unlovable Dina? You don't know much about me. What if you discover a part of me that you can't stand?"

"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard Ellie. I want to invest that time in you. I WANT to know you. I want to find you. The real you. I don't care about the demons in your past. If you and I turn into more, then we turn into more. But god damn it Ellie. I want to know you so bad."

"I'd like that. I just need time. I don't expect you to wait around for me. I want you to be happy Dina."

"You gonna tell me what happened in Colorado?"

"Not yet. One day, I will. But, I can't."

"I'll hold you to that. But, I understand. I just don't want you to think you're alone."

Dina had taken Ellie's hand into her own and locked their fingers together. Ellie felt a light shiver rise into her body as she watched Dina's thumb stroke the back of her hand slowly. Ellie didn't know what to think of this moment. Dina was with Jesse and seemed really happy this time around. But here she was. Sitting with her. Holding her hand and looking at her like she was the only person she wanted to lay eyes on ever again.

Both girls paused and stared at each other's lips. As seconds passed by, Ellie could feel Dina's breathing had shifted. She noticed Dina was blushing and a nervous smile had made it's way to her lips. The tension between them was a thin vail that could be broken if one of them simply just leaned in first.

"Dina! Hey! Are you coming to dinner?"

Ellie and Dina were snapped back to reality by a bellowing voice in the distance. It was Jesse. He came trotting over and waved at Ellie.

"Ellie! You gonna come to dinner with us? There is always room for you."

"Uh, no. That's ok. Thanks though. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night. I'll see you guys later."

"Jesse, I'll meet you there, ok?"

"Okay! Well, if you change your mind Ellie, offer stands. I'll see you in a bit Dina."

Jesse leaned in and placed a small kiss on Dina's lips. Ellie turned her face away and squirmed in the swing. Dina kept the kiss brief and offered a half smile.

"Yeah. I'll see you soon."

Jesse jogged away and headed into the tipsy bison. Dina slowly turned to face Ellie and Ellie was still looking at the ground in an awkward silence.

"Well. THAT was fucking awkward, huh?"

"Uh. Yeah. Well, I guess you should get going."

"Yes. Or, and hear me out. I could get my dinner to go and we could have a "fuck cat night" and talk shit about her and stuff our faces while we watch a movie?"

Ellie smiled and gave Dina a side ways pondering look. Dina giggled and kicked Ellie's shoe.

"Well? Yes, no? Mayyybe?"

"Are you sure it's ok? Like, you're sure we are ok?"

"I am fine if you are, Ellie. But if you don't want to I understand."

"Okay. Yes. Uh, I'll see you in a bit then?"

"Yes. I'll see you soon."

.............................................

When Dina arrived she had a bag of food and was sporting a cheesey grin on her face. Ellie couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Ok. I got you're favorite sandwich, and potato wedges that you liked. With the cheese sauce."

"Ah fuck yes! The cheese sauce is back!?"

"For now anyway. We traded with some folks that made their way through. Anyway. I want to see all of that food obliterated."

"Yes ma'am. What did you get?"

"I got some chili and cornbread. The cornbread looks a little dense but I'll just drown it in the chili."

"I have not tried Seth's chili. Is it good?"

"When he has all the right spices, then it's delicious. You want to try?"

Ellie nodded her head apprehensively. Dina scooted closer to Ellie and dug her spoon into the chili. She took time to blow on it then leaned on and fed Ellie. The gesture was kind, and filled the air between them with a quiet sweetness that made them both giddy.

"Damn. That is really good. Can't say I am a fan of Seth, but he does know his food."

"He has his moments, but I get what you mean. Anyway, what movie are we watching?"

"Actually, I was kinda thinking maybe I could try and teach you some guitar? I promised you like forever ago I would. If you want to that is."

"That sounds perfect to me. I also found this."

Dina pulled what looked to be a card game of some sorts out of her bag.

"Uno? What is that?"

"Eugene found it and told me to try it out. He said back in the day this game would ruin entire families, so I want to try it."

Ellie eyed the card game with caution and curiosity.

"I'm sure this will end great for us both. You know because neither of us are competitive AT ALL..."

Dina shrugged nonchalantly and then offered Ellie a wide, toothy smile.

"Maybe we could make a wager?"

"For what exactly?"

Dina thought for a moment and and tilted her head from side to side in a cute, playful fashion.

"Hmmm loser has to.. answer any question the winner asks."

Ellie's smile faded slightly. Her mind ran to Riley in the mall. This was the same wager they made before the Brock throwing contest. She shook the memory from her mind quickly and returned to the present moment.

"Alright. Fine."

"You're going down, Ellie."

Ellie just chuckled and shrugged Dina's threat off.

"Mm hmm. Sure. We will see."

After they gorged on food, Ellie pulled out her guitar and started to teach Dina the basics. Ellie made it a point to stay as close as possible to Dina during the lesson. She would put her hand on Dina's while showing her the frets and the proper way to hold her wrist. Each time Ellie would touch her, Dina found herself to be silently pleading for more contact. Dina knew these feelings were wrong. She knew she should be with Jesse. She knew she should stop looking at Ellie's lips every time she spoke, but she simply couldn't help it. She was starving to get to know Ellie, and she sensed Ellie felt the same way.

"Geez. My wrist is on fire. I don't think guitar is for me."

"It just takes time to build up everything. I think you're doing fine."

"Will you play me something? You don't have to sing, if you don't want to. I just want to see you play."

"Well. I suppose you did feed me. And you did come over here to cheer me up and talk shit about Cat. So, I GUESS I could play something for you."

Dina clapped and ran to Ellie's couch to settle in for the show. Ellie rolled her eyes and a small laugh escaped her lips.

"You're such a nerd."

"I'm sorry. Did you just call me a nerd? This coming from the girl who collects trading cards, dinosaurs and comic books."

"Hey! Those are all fucking classic things! If anything, I am preserving important parts of history."

"Man. You really had that comeback sitting in your back pocket huh? Okay. Well, miss preserver of history. Let's hear something."

Ellie thought for a moment and then took a long even breath. She started to strumm and Dina just sat and watched with amazement. The world around Ellie fell away and it was just her and the notes. The music filled her with a peace that Ellie wished would stay with her forever. The vibrations on her fingertips healed her touch starved heart. Each cord Ellie played restored tiny pieces of the heart she had lost over the last few years. It was here in this space with Dina, while creating something beautiful, that she felt okay to finally just exist again. After Ellie was done playing she sat and stared at Dina. They locked eyes and both of them blushed heavily. Ellie's legs wanted to carry her to the couch so she could sit next to Dina and kiss her. But her mind kept her planted in her chair.

"That was fucking incredible. How long did it take you to learn it? Was was the song?"

"Uh, Tommy found it in a book on one of his patrols. Its called stair way to heaven. Tommy said it is one of his favorite songs. Took me few months to learn."

Dina found herself to be gawking at Ellie's mouth. She needed a distraction before she did something she would regret.

"Alright. You ready to get your ass kicked, Williams?"

"God. Don't use my last name. Reminds me of the damn officers from the Boston QZ. Williams! Stop fucking around and finish this lap!"

Ellie's voice dropped into a mock male voice and her face screwed into a over dramatic stoic face. Dina laughed and shook her head at Ellie.

"Such a trouble maker."

"I was not a trouble maker. I was simply just half participating."

"That's called insubordination, Ellie."

"Pfff. I think that's their fault for trying to get a bunch of kids to train to be killers when all they really wanted to do was socialize and make out with each other."

"You know what. That's fair."

Ellie gave her a matter of fact smile and took the deck of cards from Dina's hands.

"Now. How the fuck do we play this?"

.............................................

"Oh my god! Another fucking draw four card?! How do you keep getting these!"

Ellie begrudgingly drew four more cards as Dina did a taunting dance to Ellie.

Ellie put down her card and huffed. She understood why this game ruined families. Dina was being absolutely miserable to Ellie when it came to the taunts.

"UNO, bitch."

"Fuck. Seriously. I have like the whole deck."

"Better choose wisely."

Ellie's palms started to get sweaty. She tried to gauge which card Dina had left. She knew If she lost, Dina would never let her forget about it. Ellie placed a red card down over the blue. Dina hesitated for a second then gave Ellie the most devilish grin she had ever seen in her life. Dina slammed down another draw four card. And cackled in Ellie's face.

"I am VICTORIOUS! BOW BEFORE ME!"

"OH COME ON! I hate this game."

Ellie chucked her cards at Dina as she laughed at the girl for her continued taunting. Dina was now doing a full victory dance and Ellie was enjoying the show.

"I kicked your ass."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get this over with. What's your question."

Dina gave Ellie a devious grin and chuckled. She came and sat closer to Ellie, making it so they could be face to face. Ellie's heart skipped a beat as she tried to stay calm.

"Well, I have a hundred things I want to ask you, but feel like most of them will be Vetoed. So, I'll keep it painless. For now. How often do you think of me?"

Ellie could feel her face turning pink. Dina's voice was low and sweet sounding. She wouldn't let Ellie shake her gaze, and Ellie felt like there had been a fire that erupted in her stomach.

"Well, depends. In what sense?"

"Every sense."

Dina shifted her body so her legs were touching Ellie's. A crooked smile peeled across Ellie's lips and her blush grew deeper, making her freckles feel like embers on her face.

"Oh. Well, in that case. All the time. You rarely leave my mind. You Mentioned earlier that you wanted to know if I liked you the way you like me. My answer has always been yes, Dina. But I haven't been in a good headspace, and I don't want to drag you down with me."

"Ellie..."

Dina took one of her hands and placed it to Ellie's face. She cradled Ellie's soft cheek and grazed her thumb across her cheekbone. Ellie reached a hand up and held onto her wrist. She closed her eyes and melted into Dina's touch. Dina's heart rejoiced seeing Ellie react as Dina feathered her thumb across Ellie's bottom lip.

All Ellie could think about was kissing Dina. The thought drowned out the rest of Ellie's senses. With her eyes closed she could sense Dina getting closer and closer. Her heart was ready to combust. She needed Dina to be the first one to initiate the kiss. She needed to know Dina was sure.

Dina breath was now tickling on Ellie's lips. She was so close. Ellie could feel the anticipation inside of her starting to boil like she was a tea pot. One kiss would set Ellie off into a new realm of feelings.

A knock on the door startled both of them and Ellie shot to her feet in a fight response and Dina shook her head to get herself out of the romantic stupor she was just in.

"Hey, kiddo .. I am gonna be gone for a couple of days. Just going to go fishing I think. You can come if you want..."

"No thanks, Joel. Have a good time."

"Oh. Alright then. Well- don't.. don't forget to eat? Alright. I'll be seeing ya."

"Fuck. I am really sorry Dina."

"Hey it's ok. That's what adults do, right? I should probably get going anyway. It's getting late."

"Yeah. Do you want me to walk you home?"

"No, it's okay. Thanks for offering though. And thanks for all of this tonight. I know it was to cheer you up, but I guess I needed it too."

"Of course. Any time. Thank you for checking on me. I appreciate it."

"This was nice. When you let me, loving you is easy, Ellie. I just thought you should hear that."

Ellie smiled and looked to the ground. Dina s voice lingered with more longing and a little confusion.

"Do you think we will ever- you know..."

"I don't know Ellie. But I'll spend every day finding new parts of you if you let me."

Ellie walked Dina to her door and paused for a second. She reached up and placed a soft kiss as close to Dina's lips as she possibly could.
When she pulled away, Dina bit her bottom lip and blushed. But she met Ellie's eyes again and held them.

"This time, I hope you dream of me."

"Oh. I always do Ellie."

With that Dina opened the door and offered Ellie a sweet smile and closed it gently behind her.

Several minutes later, there was a heavy knock on Ellie's door. She slowly walked to it and opened it. She was greeted by Dina's red face. She looked like she had sprinted there.

"Dina, is everything ok? Did you forget something?"

"Ellie. Why do you like me?"

Ellie was thrown off guard at Dina's question. Her tone was almost desperate and delicate.

"You make me feel like I am living Dina. You're all the good things left in this fucked up world. You love me when I don't deserve it, you fight for me when I never asked you to. You make me want to be more. The truth is, I thought my heart had stopped working all together when I left Colorado. But the second I saw you when I got back, all I wanted was to be near you. To hear your voice. Even if you screamed at me for being so fucking selfish and dumb. Dina, you've given me something to dream about again, and I thought that door was closed for me a long, long time ago."

Dina looked at Ellie and gave her the biggest smile her lips could give.

"Okay! That's great. Thank you."

Dina turned and ran. Ellie stood there, absolutely baffled. She just poured her heart out and Dina ran away?!

Suddenly Ellie heard footsteps. Dina ran up to her again with a sliding stop.

"I swear that wasn't just totally Random. Well, it WAS. But I have a reason. But, you'll have to find out. The dance at the end of the month. You're going and you owe me. I'll see you in the morning, Ellie."

Before Ellie had a second to even open her mouth to speak, Dina was gone once again.

"I love you, you strange, silly girl. My god, I love you so much."

Ellie let her words hang in the air then slowly turned to go back inside.

Chapter Text

Ellie had stormed out of the dance with an embarrassing rage on her sleeve. For one, having Seth's homophobic ass call her and Dina out, was embarrassing enough. She could feel everyone's eyes on them as they were dancing. She could hear soft gasps when they had kissed. For a brief second, Ellie considered just pulling away all together and leaving right then. But the softness of Dina's lips on hers, the fact that she could feel Dina's heart racing against hers, made her close her eyes and kiss her back. The moment of calm that washed over Ellie as the kiss deepend, was something Ellie would never forget. For close to five years, Ellie had thought about this. She had flirted, shared her feelings, gotten jealous, and cried and yearned for this woman. This kiss proved all of that, was real. It was the truth. In the time when Ellie needed it the most, the truth in this first kiss, even if it was only for seconds, was enough to remind Ellie what was worth fighting for.

But then it happens. HE happened.

Joel. Fucking Joel. Out of the shadows he came and swooped in to rescue her. She didn't ask him to do that. In fact, she has made it pretty damn clear in Colorado that they were done. Yet, he kept trying. He would let her walk on him over and over again. She would berate him constantly, and he took it. He shouldered all her anger and all her hate, and still managed to look at her like she was his daughter. Like he loved her. She didn't understand. The more he tried the more her anger consumed her. He never asked her why she was so mad either. He never tried to have that hard, deep conversation with her. But she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him that she DID love him, at one point, he was her whole world. But, he lied. He took everything she gave him and broke the bond with one single choice. She didn't care that it was an act out of love. She didn't care that had he not saved her, she would have never known any of this. He never once stopped to think about HER nightmares. HER fears. About why being the cure was so fucking important to her. He took away the biggest choice she could have ever made, and lied about it. He lied to her face over and over again. That was one of the worst parts. He would rather suffer through his lie, just to avoid the truth. Ellie clearly understood that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you won't hurt them. She thought about when he told her she had no idea what loss was. How hearing him say that made her feel worthless. She failed to see how Joel didn't understand everyone alive in the world, all they ever knew was loss. Death favored no one. It didn't care what age you were, or who you had to love and protect. No, Ellie may not have had a family, but at least Joel had got to experience a love so great that he understood what it was like to lose. He got to thrive and be in love. He got to witness what love can create, and what it can take away. Ellie spent most of her life being left, forgotten, or told she was just another mouth to feed. Ellie felt like a broken record in her own mind. These were her daily thoughts. She often found herself to be missing Joel, but she couldn't just let his lie go.

Ellie found herself back on the swing at the playground. She didn't want to go back home yet. The cool air was knocking sense back into her anyways. She wanted to scream, and cry and yet dance with elation and smile like a fool. All the feelings that were currently raving in her body were colliding and she felt like a crazy person.

She gently put her thumb to her lips and dragged it across her bottom lip slowly. She could still feel a tingle of Dina's kiss waltzing on her lips. She smiled from ear to ear and welcomed the heated blush that worked it's way into her ears and cheeks. Dina had finally gotten Ellie to one of Jackson's stupid dances after years of mishaps and trying. All it took was one slow dance. Dinas arms around Ellie's neck, and a long gaze into Ellie's eyes was all it took to pencil in that final line between them. The chance to have it not be a secret. The chance to say "I don't fucking care about anyone else who's watching. Because you're here with me, and I am in your arms and this is what it could feel like if we belonged to each other." Ellie felt stupid now. For running out of there the way she had. For yelling at Joel. For not saying goodbye to Dina. Maybe she should-

"I had a feeling I'd find you on these damn swings. How is your ass not frozen to the seat?"

"Dina! Uh- well, I guess there are only so many places I can go. Next time I'm going to hide in the slide. Good luck finding me then."

"You're such a nerd, Ellie. And because you just TOLD me, I'll start with the slide next time. But, good luck fitting your ass in there..."

Ellie laughed and rubbed her neck nervously as Dina took a seat next to her. Dina looked at Ellie with puppy dog eyes and kept letting her eyes drift to Ellie's lips.

"Are you okay, Ellie? Seth is an asshole. I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about him."

"I'm ok, I guess. I'm sorry I rushed out of there. I told you I didn't like Seth. Guess I've been enjoying his bigot sandwiches all this time."

"Hey. Sometimes you think you know a person, and then they end up being a bigot sandwich Maker. These things happen. But, what doesn't happen often is kissing someone you really like in a room full of people and possibly scaring them off forever. I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"Dina, there is nothing to apologize for. Really. I was surprised is all. But, in a really amazing, thank God kind of way."

Dina and Ellie shared a nervous giggle at the same time. Dina locked eyes with Ellie and held her gaze. Dina's eyes were shining like the stars above them. The way the moonlight was acting as a delicate luminous vail on Dina, made Ellie's breath catch in her throat. Ellie couldn't believe how stunning Dina was. She could paint a million pictures, and write a thousand songs about Dina and none of it would ever come close to conveying how god damn perfect Dina actually was.

Dina took her hand and gently brought it to Ellie's face. She stroked her thumb along Ellies jawline and leaned in closer, so only Ellie would be able to hear her words.

"Do you remember last year, when I ran back to your house and asked why you liked me? And I told you that if you went to the dance, I'd tell you why? But then raiders attacked on the night of the dance, and Jesse and Tommy and Maria got pretty banged up?"

"Of course I remember. Jesse is lucky he didn't lose his damn leg. I meant to ask you why you did that, but you were busy all the time with helping Jesse and taking extra patrols. I didn't want to get in the way."

"No, I know. I know you would rather suffer in silence instead of asking me why I was acting like a psycho. Well, I was actually planning on asking you to be my girlfriend that night. Your answer as to why you liked me, set a fuse off in me that I had been wanting to ignite for a long, long time. I had grown stagnant, and I didn't even fully understand what it was I wanted or who I was. Then, Jesse's mom started to talk about us being together and how I'd make a good wife and once again, I found myself not sticking up for what I REALLY wanted. But it was you Ellie. It was always you. I'm just sorry it's taken me so fucking long to get here."

Ellie listened as Dina spoke. Her voice wavering and cracking at some points. Her eyes growing misty and distant as she explained to Ellie what had happened. The entire time Dina spoke, she held onto Ellie's face. Their lips had some how gotten closer to each other, and by the time Dina was finished speaking, her liquor warm breath was lightly skimming across Ellie's lips. Ellie felt herself getting drunk off this woman's words, and she wouldn't trade it for anything. Ellie's heart was ticking like a time bomb, and she knew if Dina kissed her again, she would explode into an infinite amount of star dust particles.

"Is there a question in there somewhere, or should I just kiss you again?"

Ellie's tone was a slightly taunting mix with sticky pools of want. Dina felt her stomach fly into her throat, and a sharp heat flood her stomach. Ellie's lips twitched into a sly smile and Dina couldn't help but melt.

"Well. I know last year you said you had a lot to sort through, and this year hasn't been particularly great to you either. But, if you want.. would you be my girlfriend? We don't have to label it as anything if that's too much pressure. I just want to be with you, Ellie."

Ellie bit her bottom lip and pulled Dina's lips to hers. The kiss was slow and deep. The suddenness of the kiss pulled a low sigh from Dina, and the sound made Ellie's breath hitch and she offered an even lower sigh back in return. Ellie broke the kiss and looked at Dina who was smiling like a bashful fool.

"So, that's a yes? Or is that a I'll call you later kind of thing?"

Ellie chuckled and shoved Dina playfully. She took Dina's hand into her own and placed a small kiss into her palm.

"That is definitely a, I would love to be with you too Dina. Let's just take it slow. No labels. Just me and you. Is that ok for now?"

"I think that's perfect. I like that idea. As much as I'd love to take this inside some where, because I absolutely want to, I guess we should probably head home soon. We do have patrol in the morning. I can walk you home if you want?"

"How about, I walk you home instead. It's getting cold out and you live near Seth and I don't want him giving you shit."

"Okay. I dig the night and shining armour bit. You'd look hot with some cool sword to swing around."

"Pshh. Shush. I would not. Come on, damsel in distress. Let's get you home."

"Alright. But if I see a dragon, you better fucking save me, Ellie."

"If you see a dragon, I am fucking keeping it Dina."

Dina looked at Ellie and noticed how her eyes lit up at the idea of having a pet dragon. She could hardly stand how damn adorable Ellie could be sometimes.

"That's fine. I will NOT be helping clean up it's shit piles though."

Dina got up from the swing and pulled Ellie to her feet. They collided into each other and laughed at the fact that the impact gave Dina hiccups.

"That's fine. If you don't clean up it's poop, then you don't get to fly on him."

Dina chuckled and bumped her shoulder into Ellie's as they walked. Their hands were linked and Ellie was rubbing her thumb against Dinas. The light touching made Dina feel like she was floating. She couldn't believe she had finally gotten brave enough to kiss Ellie. She wished it had not taken her so damn long to do it. The feeling she had now was sublime. She felt free. Free from expectations of being in roles she didn't want. Free from being Jesse's girlfriend and not just Dina. Free from having every guy hound her for any and every explicit thought they had pop into their useless brains. She was finally able to let this side of herself out, and she never wanted to go back.

"Well, thank you for walking me home. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Of course I'll see you tomorrow. I hope you have sweet dreams, Dina."

"Oh. I absolutely will. Good night, Ellie."

Dina leaned in and placed a small kiss on Ellie's lips. Both girls smiled into it and giggled.

Dina turned and slowly went into her house. Ellie watched and waited until she heard the click of her lock. Ellie floated the whole way home. She was elated in ways that she didn't know was possible. Dina wanted to be her girlfriend. She had wanted to be her girlfriend last year, but things just didn't line up right. In all honesty, Ellie was ok with that. It gave her time to sort through some of her anger and tamper it down a bit. Ellie knew she still had so many things to work through, but the idea of knowing Dina still wanted her, even when she was at her worst, meant the universe to Ellie. After all, Ellie knew she would just be lying to herself if she said she wasn't head over heels, over the moon, in love with Dina. That admission would be kept locked away for now. Ellie just wanted to bask in the fact that Dina was now connected to Ellie on a deeper level.

Part of Ellie felt a pang of anger wash over her for Dina. She was upset that Dina felt like she had to be a certain person. That she has been putting herself through all the stresses of becoming someone's wife when they were just still teenagers. Ellie didn't think Jesse would ever expect that from Dina, but felt as though he should have told his mom to keep her mouth shut. All Ellie wanted for Dina was for her to be Happy, and the idea that Ellie was now allowed to be a huge part of that restored part of a purpose she felt she had lost.

As Ellie rounded the corner to her place and she heard the gentle sounds of someone picking away at their guitar. Joel. She paused and listened to him play for several minutes. She leaned against his house, with a small smile tugged onto her lips. She loved when she could hear him playing. When he first taught her how to play, she remembered blasting through her duties to get back home so she could have another session with Joel. He would have dinner ready, and they would plug away at it all evening. She loved him. She loved him so much, that it broke her heart. HE broke her heart. She thought about David and flashes of the brutality at which she killed him plagued her mind. She had blacked out. Her rage became death, and that death had no boundaries. She had lost herself to the cruelness of the world, and with each swing of the machete, she could feel her innocence rip from her soul. With each blood curdling cry she released, she could feel her fear devour her gentle heart. Ellie's pain of losing Riley, Sam, Henry and Tess, poured out of her body like a Demon seeking revenge. The crushing weight of her immunity and journey she had been on, seeped out of her pores and mixed with every drop of blood that had spilled from David. Her innocence has gone up in flames with the restaurant. But just as she thought she had been lost forever in the madness, she turned to find Joel. Holding her so tight she could barley breathe. Joel, putting his hands so gently to her face to let her see that he was there and alive. Joel, who cradled her in his arms and called her babygirl. Joel, loved her so much in that fraction of time that Ellie decided that she was willing to die for him. She was willing to be the cure for Joel.

Ellie wiped the small tears off her face that had fallen and took a deep breath. She steadied her mind, and braced her heart. She was ready now. She was ready to tell him that she wanted to try one more time with him. That she was so angry with him. She needed him to understand she didn't actually hate HIM at all. She hated what he did. She hated that he lied. She hated that he wouldn't talk to her about it without getting angry. She knew Joel was a stubborn man, just as she was a stubborn girl. In fact she knew that if she could do it all again, she would still pick to die. She would still die for Joel, because to her he was worth it. Even in her anger, even if she didn't understand why, she wanted to try and start to heal. She knew all the things he had done in the past was to survive, and maybe fate had him survive for her. Until they met and she had the chance to mend his heart. The man Joel was now, was who he was always meant to be, and Ellie felt selfish for holding that against him so harshly.

With Dina's kiss still on her lips, and a steady bravery asking to come out, she stepped out of the shadows and into the light. She realized, Joel was the light in her darkness and he was waiting for her. He was waiting to take her hand and lead her back home again.